#I know I debated making a sideblog but tbh I’m probably just not gonna talk about stuff

[impossible-rat-babies]

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[pastelpastilles]

Gen 3 Retrospective

I go by the name of Kit from @simmancy​. It’s been a long time coming, but we here now… And I pretty much set this story on fire, huh?

That’s about where the 2ne1 reference stops, and the actually talking starts. 

It’s 13 July 2020 and I’m deleting the first version of this to write a new one. I hope it makes sense because I wrote it at like. 1 AM on a work night.

Okay so... That was a pretty wild ride, huh?

It’s been three long, trying, emotional, honestly sometimes painful years since I started down this story’s road. Gen 1 was sweetness and simplicity. Gen 2 was when I started getting creative and interested, and testing the limits of what I thought I could do with storytelling and editing. 

And Gen 3…. Gen 3 is honestly the most I’ve ever put into a story, probably in my life. There’s so much I wish I could say and share, but as everyone keeps reminding me, and I will remind you… You don’t owe anyone an explanation for your story. And that’s true! I don’t! My problem is that I do like giving them though. I like knowing a creator’s process, I like seeing how things were conceptualized. I’m trying to decide which parts are worth telling here, and I’ve written and rewritten this multiple times but I keep coming back to a Halsey quote of all things…

“I shared a lot about myself, assuming the world would be kind. That wasn’t quite the case.”

And the truth is, a lot of what went into Gen 3 originated in my personal history. It’s very easy for me to get defensive of it, and try to protect myself as well! Simblr in particular is really just throwing your shitty first draft out in the wind and letting people read it, and there’s no telling if they will love it or tear it apart. Despite a few bumps, I’ve been extremely, extraordinarily lucky. I’m still flummoxed that anyone reads this. I think it’s wild people follow this sideblog at all: I purposefully put it out of the way and didn’t tag it “properly” for simblr to find it, beyond the initial post that it was happening. It was deliberate--I made it a deliberate choice to come read this story, and it’s a choice you made by coming here.

So… yes, to answer the question most people HAVE asked me, doing this has been incredibly nerve-wracking and wouldn’t have been possible if I hadn’t super felt like it needed to get done and I wouldn’t stop until it did. I guess you can thank me being Like That for it even being done at all. I guess I can say I’m relieved and excited that it’s finally DONE, and I feel like I can move on to Gen 4 with my head held high.

Also that I kept all the important parts I knew would always happen--the Saddy breakup, the Ojaddy confession, the KOJ debacle and everything at the end... Almost just as I envisioned it back in November 2017. Yeah. NEARLY THREE YEARS. We took our SWEET TIME GETTING HERE.

MORE IMPORTANTLY, NOW THAT IT’S DONE.... I have a few words... 

to my friends, past and present, who knew more of finer details and blessedly kept it under wraps for so long, even when I basically dropped the story out of spite and fear and self-hatred: thank you for not telling the end!! I appreciate it so much!!

thank you to the ones who pretended they didn’t know, especially

to my friends IRL, who supported this as a creative exercise and let me plagarize our lives for inspo: thank you

because seriously……….. so much was just…. stolen from my friends

like Kabi and Maddy

my real life Kabi is rolling in his own grave probably

to my poor fiance, who has put up with me being hyperfixated on this stupid project I do for free for like 3 years of our relationship, and having to deal with it being especially bad the past few weeks: I am so sorry butthead, I love you

to my pals over at DBD: thank you for being as stoked as you all were!!!!! i am so sorry!!!!! its over now!!! evil grandma rights!!! its gonna be okay!!! thank you for being a constant ray of sunshine in my life. this wouldn’t even MATTER without you, tbh

to the highkey truest ride or dies, Sam & Nika: for being here from the beginning til the end and constantly hyping me up even when I really didn’t deserve it - I don’t know what I did to earn your friendship, but I’m so happy to know you both! I literally cannot have done this without your support

and finally, to you: thank you for reading this, for waiting so long, for commenting and debating even after I returned from the abyss with his hell story. Like I said, I purposefully put this on a sideblog so you would need to search it out to read it. It means the world to me that you did. Thank you, endlessly, thank you.

I originally wanted to write a bunch of essays explaining character choices, but if you’ve read this far–comment and let me know WHAT exactly you’d like to know more about. I can go in depth about…. Pretty much anything, at this point. You wanna know about how I went about hiding Grandma for 2 whole generations? A whole essay about Madeleine’s accessory choices? The dynamics of KOJ and why they couldn’t ever be endgame? Something else? Let me know. Send an ask here. I’ll answer them that way.

And sometime soon, there will be an Epilogue. I just… need a tiny break!!!!

See you soon!

- Kit

[sasslightertm-a]

ooookay, so, some bullshit™ happened earlier this past week and I’m annoyed and pissed. incoming rant/vent under the cut (with screenshots used by permission).

As most of you who have been following me long enough probably know by now, there is a Charmed Discord server and I was in it for a while until I left in early January 2019, for reasons that will be discussed later. The main mod runs a few Charmed rp blogs here on Tumblr, we did have a few threads planned out together, and eventually after I left the Discord server it got to a point where I felt uncomfortable seeing her posts on my dash so I quietly unfollowed and deleted our thread I’d had in my drafts (which had been sitting there for months by this point anyway because I am slow af). Shortly after I unfollwed her, she unfollowed me without so much a message of “Would you be interested in continuing any threads?”.

This mod, while I was in the server, also created a venting/ranting group Google doc against another Charmed roleplayer who has been around for years and had been in the server as well but also left for much the same reasons I later did (namely, feeling unwelcome within the server). (The Google doc has since been deleted, I believe.)

Which brings me to the main point of this post. One of my close friends/mutuals noticed this mod and the roleplayer starting to interact again when both of them had unfollowed each other for months beforehand after the mod decided this roleplayer was Toxic™.

Uh-huh, sure, I find it very hard to believe you told her about the call-out Google doc and everything in it and she was perfectly understanding about it. I also have yet to hear an apology at all from this mun when 1) the most we would do is talk OOC anyway; 2) my Chris and Bilie were constantly ignored despite me showing interest in some of her wishlist ideas; and 3) any threads we did have would only get two replies in if I was lucky and were then dropped. So I unfollowed ages ago and moved on with other mutuals, and at this point it’s honestly not worth it.

And no, sorry, the server was not inactive when I left it back in early/mid January. Everyone was either in the general, headcanons, or venting channels And yes, any time anyone responded to me it was because I or my friend had said something they wanted to argue with or turn into a headcanon about their own next-generation muses. Also? For all y’all would squee over white US-American YouTuber cover artists or Korean boybands (despite none of you speaking a word of Korean), or the mod occasionally slipping into Arabic and then translating when one of us would ‘???’, the instant I try and share a cover by an amazing Turkish musical-theater singer who speaks German and does German-language musicals (said cover was in English, by the way), or the instant I would talk about something I learned in one of my German classes (despite most of my ancestry being, y’know, German [and for the record, said German ancestors came over to the States in the 1800s, so don’t even go there])... dead silence. 

1) oh my gods I’m howling. Thanks for admitting most of the people in the server hate me just because they found my fanfiction and that I like to write dark-themed fics and smut. Out of curiosity, was it one of my FF.net accounts (my main, my Charmed-fic-centric one, or my dark!AU Tenth Doctor-fic-centric one) or was it my AO3? (Also way to go for basically admitting that yup, you’re all a bunch of antis and really be drinking the evangelical fundamentalist Christian purity culture Kool-Aid.)

and btw, saying “complete transparency?” like that is just code for “I’m about to be a petty bitch and you’re not going to want to hear it, but too late.”

also, what, like none of you have ever wanted to write kinky smutty fanfic just because it’s fun and lets you work out various fantasies that may or may not be inherently transgressive? as far as I’m aware I was one of maybe two other people in that server who identify as asexual so don’t even try and say any of youse are sex-repulsed aces.

my smutfic isn’t even that kinky, but go off, I guess

tbh they also probably hate me bc I called them out over their misuse of the word “pedophilia” in regards to this one particular scene in a teen drama TV show between fictional teenage characters being portrayed by adult actors that airs on a network aiming for a 18 to 49-year-old demographic, and the mod and I would disagree over various things concerning US-American Wicca, but hey, it’s easier to just go after my fanfiction and say they hate me because of the fanfics, right?

speaking of that scene they were so up-in-arms about, don’t even try and tell me real-life allosexual teenagers are not horny and don’t have sex with other teenagers, because coming from a state with one of the highest rates of teen pregnancy (where more often than not both would-be parents are teenagers of or around the same age), I will not believe you

like, seriously, do NONE of you remember ever being horny and hormonal as a teenager, or...? 

2) Stop trying to make this an argument that needs to be won, because it isn’t. Also? By the time I left the Charmed Discord server didn’t even feel like a Charmed server anyway, so. There’s that.

3) My friend is right and she should say it.

A few things here: 

How does any of that sound accusatory when it’s true and my friend calmly laying out how she felt about the situation??

Again, stop trying to make this into an argument or personal attack because it isn’t. And not every single conversation is a debate that needs to be won.

“I was half joking”, uh-huh, yeah, riiiiight. Also? How is it any of your business how she decides to run her blog and curtail it so she feels safe on her own dash??? Especially when you don’t even follow or interact with her anymore?? Hell, I softblock people myself who are either inactive and just taking up my follower account, or are personal/fandom blogs who I just don’t want interacting with me. And if you follow me but don’t make any motion to interact, then yeah I’m probably going to softblock you too after posting a heads-up that I’ll be cleaning out my follower count.

And the best part??? Immediately after all this the mod/mun made a post on her blog saying how she doesn’t put up with passive-aggressiveness or manipulation. How the fuck is my friend/mutual being passive-aggressive or manipulative???? 

I’m sorry, but no, you do not get to do that. I see what you did there, and it is not okay. And I am glad I don’t have to deal with any of this mun’s bullshit anymore, or most of the people in the server, apparently. They blocked me solely because they found my kinky darkfic? Fine, great, it’s not like any of them ever interacted with any of my muses anyway and I don’t want to deal with them either. (But also... I made it clear on the server that I also write a dark eldritch!AU Tenth Doctor from Doctor Who and they all knew I have a sideblog for the canon evil version of Chris Halliwell so how exactly was it a surprise that I like writing fanfiction with darker themes and grey areas?)

Anyway, no, that language used on my friend was not called for at all. Neither was trying to make her out to be the aggressor when anyone who’s chatted with her OOC for long enough knows that even doing this much is hard emotionally for her. This was also not an argument that absolutely had to be won so quit trying to turn everything into an argument to make yourself look better. And ooh, boy, tone policing on top of that. That last response was classic “I know you’re right but I don’t want to admit it so I’m just gonna say something to make myself look like I came out on top.”

Nah. 

There’s the door. Make sure it hits you on the way out.