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missdawnandherdusk · 4 years ago

Text

Country Girl

Muggle!Reader X Draco

London Boy

Summary: Draco has your heart and you have his, a muggle and a wizard, but what happens when you take him home... to America, to your very muggle parents, and your very muggle small town?

A/n: As promised here is some ridiculous fluff and shenanigans between these two dorks. Also, this gets very southern very quickly, so as a disclaimer: none of this is meant to offend anyone at all, it’s just simple writing fun. I know a lot of you come to Tumblr to destress from the news, so this is free from current events and can even be seen written around circa 2010 if you want. I love you all and let me know what you think because I love being validated your comments and reblogs

“Um, do you maybe want to come with me back home?” The question was timid as it left my lips.

“To America?” He raised an eyebrow looking up from his workstation where he was currently brewing Amorentia—not that he used it, but it brought comfort to me and worked surpassingly well in a diffuser.

“To put it broadly, yes.” I smiled, knowing he had no idea how expansive America really was. “I’m off for the summer and my parents have been nagging me nonstop to meet you, and well it’s home,” Shrugging I hopped up on his desk and he eyed me warily, moving some things out of my way.

“How long?”

“Well I suppose you could apparate back any time you like, but...”

“How long?” He pressed again.

“A week?” I was almost afraid of his reaction.

Not that I was afraid of him, but I knew him well. He liked order. He like routine. Everything had a place and he preferred it if it stayed in that place. Which included him, in London.

“I understand if you don’t want to. I know it’s a lot. Muggle parents, Muggle girlfriend, America...” I trailed off looking down. “Just thought I’d offer.”

“Love,” he tilted my chin up. “If you want me to go with you to meet your parents, I suppose I can manage a week,” he smiled.

Happiness fluttered in my chest as I threw my arms around him.

“Careful dear,” he scolded, easily pulling me into his arms, carrying me. “This stuff takes forever to wear off and I’d rather not have you drugged for the next few hours.”

“Could be fun,” I giggled, nuzzling into his neck.

“You say that now,” he chided, a smile evident on his face.

_____________________________

“Now, they don’t know that you’re a wiz,” You reminded him. “And I’d rather not have to obliviate my parents, so if you could— “

“You act like I’m a teenager Y/n, I’m not stupid,” Draco rolled his eyes.

You raised an eyebrow at him. A challenge.

“And, a very fair warning: I am very...posh compared to my parents,”

Draco laughed; the word so unfamiliar to your lips and your American accent. Nor could he imagine in any way that someone would regard you as posh. He loved you, of course, but a lady was something you were not—not that he didn’t treat you like one, but that was beside the point.

But nothing you said could ever prepare him for what waited at your doorstep. Not the hours on a flight. Not the ride back in another muggle car. Not the songs on the radio. Not the conversations he had with Hermione and Harry unbeknownst to you.

“Pumpkin!” An older man in a buttoned-up flannel pulled you into his arms. His drawl was thick, making yours sound almost normal. “You are too pale darlin’ ain’t enough sun over there in England,” he chided, a huge smile on his face.

“Oh nonsense,” your mother replied, her drawl having more of a twang. “She’s just fine. Our little Georgia peach,” You face went a little pink as you blushed.

“Momma, Daddy, this is Draco,” he heard more of a drawl slip into your words and Merlin was he in trouble.

“The Brit,” your father scrutinized him for a moment before the smile returned. “Pleasure to meet you son,” he held out his hand.

“The pleasure is mine, I assure you,” Draco almost purred, shaking your father’s hand.

“Oh Lord, hear that accent,” your mother fawned. “No wonder you fell for him, Y/n,”

“Mom,” you whined, turning a shade of red.

“Well come in you two, you must be exhausted from the flight.”

Draco should have taken your warnings more seriously. Maybe you should have eased him into more. Because a very Muggle farmhouse in the middle of the country with your very American parents was something he was not prepared for.

The floorboards creaked under his socks—shoes left by the front door—as pictures hung on the wall, a lot of them of you in various childhood phases: fishing, in trees, driving your beloved Jeep, posing next to a dead stag—that one made Draco snort, if only Harry knew. There were also tiny little ‘t’s all over the wall that Draco just didn’t understand the meaning of. Were they to ward something off? Was it a collection? Did they stand for some name he wasn’t aware of?

“Y/n, you go on with your mom and fix up dinner,” Your father nodded you two off to the kitchen.

“Dad,” You warned, a familiar look in your eyes.

“You worry too much.” Your dad shook his head. “Now, go on,”

You paused a moment, your stubborn streak flaring before you disappeared into the house, leaving Draco alone with your father, feeling quite anxious.

“Come on in, boy, sit on down and tell me about yourself,” Your father beckoned him to sit on a well-worn leather sofa, a knitted afghan thrown over the back.

Draco knew how to keep light conversation—a perk of being a Malfoy—but this? This he had no idea how to do. Your father seemed to pick up on that as he chuckled.

“So, you like my daughter, do you now?” He asked, his eyes holding the same shade as yours.

“Yes sir,” Draco nodded. “Very much,”

“Yeah, we think she's something else,” Your father shook his head, chuckling. “Her daddy's girl... mama's world.” His face became hardened, serious, “She deserves respect and that's what she'll get ain't it, son?”

“Y-yes, of course,” Draco stammered. “Always.”

The smile came back to your father’s face and Draco felt like he just passed some sort of test.

“Well, y'all, run along and have some fun while you’re here. Just keep her safe. She’s got a knack for trouble,”

“Oh, I’m aware,” Draco chuckled.

“Dinner!” Two voices called from somewhere else in the house.

“Comin’ darlin’,” Your father called back, standing. “Shall we?” He gestured for Draco to go first.

........................................

“Was that so bad?” You asked later that night as you got ready for bed. It was different, seeing you flit around the room with memorized paths and actions.

“One of the most bizarre things I have ever experienced,” he confessed. “But I have to admit, your mother is a brilliant cook,”

You laughed.

“Oh, tell her that tomorrow, she will love you to pieces,”

Your drawl was coming in thicker the longer you lingered home and Draco began to understand the fascination with his accent, because your drawl did something else to him. The small room you were in was yours. A true work of art that was merely shadowed by your room in London. The soft blue tone room was calming as fairy lights were strung and antique furniture filled the room. Dried flowers and various paintings and posters filled the room matching the quilt spread underneath him.

You came over to his sitting position on the bed, nestling between his legs. His hands slipped up the backs of your thighs and you swatted him.

“Behave,” you hissed. “You have no idea how long it took me to convince Daddy to let us stay in a room together. I’d like to not lose that battle on the first night.”

“You has to ask your dad for permission to sleep with your boyfriend, in your room, as an adult?” He raised an eyebrow. “And I thought my parents were strict.”

“Oh, you don’t know the meaning of the word, pretty boy,” you smiled and draped your arms around his neck.

“I think I quite like this side of you,” Draco grinned.

“You ain’t seen nothin’ yet,”

“For the love of my sanity please use proper English,” Draco dismayed to your amusement.

“Fine.” You rolled your eyes. “You haven’t seen anything yet,” You dropped your drawl easily.

“You know what? Never mind,” Draco grinned, causing you to laugh harmoniously.

Never once had Draco ever seen you be a morning person, except now. The sun filtered in through the flowing curtains and your eyes fluttered open, landing on his.

“Mornin’,” You greeted.

“Good morning,”

“You ready?” There was a mischievous look in your eyes.

“For?”

“Well, I don’t think you’re quite ready to meet my friends, so I thought today we could go fishing.”

“Fishing?”

“Well, it’s not deer season so... we can’t exactly hunt. But it is fishing season.”

“There are seasons for you to kill wildlife?” He asked, watching you get ready.

“Yeah?” You paused, looking over at him. “Helps keep the animals from being over hunted while still keeping up the sport and population down. Daddy and I do it more for the population, not the sport,” Your smile was soft. “And venison is to die for when momma cooks,”

After a breakfast that Draco would be craving for the rest of his life, you loaded up the Chevy pick-up truck (you had informed him) with bait and poles and against his better judgement, he got in.

_____________________________

“I’m gonna seriously have to thank Hermione for takin’ you shoppin’ beforehand,” You grinned, eyeing Draco in a short-sleeved Henley and khaki shorts. “Knowin’ you, you only own suits and dress pants.”

“I own t-shirts,” Draco refuted, clinging to the door handle for dear life as I meandered the backroads towards the lake.

I rolled my eyes and turned onto the trail that would take us to the docks.

“This isn’t even a road!” Draco dismayed. “It’s barely dirt!”

I couldn’t help but laugh. “That’s what four-wheel drive is for,” I grinned. “And honey, I fear the day someone takes you muddin’.”

“Mudding?” He asked skeptically.

“Don’t worry ‘bout it,” I smiled, chuckling darkly, imagining the pristine Draco Malfoy anywhere near a four wheeler or ATV.

Hopping into the boat, Draco eyed me, hesitant on the dock.

“You can drive this too?” He narrowed his eyes at me.

“It’s barely anything to drive,” I rolled my eyes, throwing my hair up. “Now come on, city boy. A little country ain’t gonna kill you,”

“No,” Draco agreed, settling in the boat beside me. “But a country girl just might,” The purr of his voice had me blushing and fumbling to kill the engine and grab a fishing pole.

Draco absolutely refused to touch the live crawfish. His face scrunched up in disgust as he watched me cast my line in.

“Oh, like it’s any different than you and your potion’s ingredients,” I pointed out.

“That’s different,” He pouted.

Smiling at his theatrics, the day consisted of Draco dismaying at just about everything. Including but not limited to: sunscreen, mosquitoes, not being able to hold my reeling hand, the heat, the sun, Oakley sunglasses—of which he looked absolutely stunning in and it wasn’t fair—baseball caps, live bass, me handling said bass, me handling a knife, the live crawfish again, the heat... again.

“Oh my God, Draco,” I huffed, not nearly as annoyed as I sounded.

“I’m sorry,” He drawled. “But this is absolutely absurd,”

I might have shoved him into the lake.

When he resurfaced, utter shock was on his face, as well as anger as he scolded my name.

“Yes?” I answered innocently. “Not so hot anymore is it?” I bated my eyelashes.

“You little—”

“Oh, and watch out for gators,” I grinned mischievously as his eyes went wide with fear. “Kidding!” I laughed, slipping off my crocs. “Probably,”

He was hanging onto the side of the small boat when I leapt off the side and into the icy water.

“What in the world are you doing?” Draco swam over to me.

“Swimming? Since someone thinks that fishing is absurd,” I mocked his accent.

“I don’t sound like that,” He grumbled.

“Yes, you do,” I smiled, wrapping my arms around his neck. “Stop being so uptight, Dray. Whatever you’re holding onto... reputation or whatever voice that’s in your head...” His face fell.

I knew that he had been raised to hate everything around him. The innocence and simplicity of it. Sure, it had taken some time and I had made a home in his heart, those prejudices fading, but he still fought hard sometimes. And maybe I wish he didn’t. And maybe I was selfish to think that.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered softly. “I just... Your world is so incredible, Draco. Filled with things that are beyond my wildest dreams, and maybe I wanted to show you into mine,”

His arms snaked around my waist as he held me close, resting his forehead to mine.

“I’m sorry too,” He murmured softly. “Of course, I want to be a part of your world as well, but— ”

“Maybe fishing was a bit over ambitious?” I mused.

“Maybe slightly,” He chuckled, pressing his lips to mine sweetly.

“At least we have dinner tonight,”

“I can’t tell if you’re kidding or not,”

I wasn’t.

__________________________________

The next day wasn’t as ambitious as fishing with you, but it was still quite new to him. Dressed in a sundress, you took his hand and lead him down the main street of your small town, the small shops reminding him of a fairytale. He was surprised at how many people recognized you and said hello. A kindness that he wasn’t accustomed to in the Wizarding world. Especially when the café owner had a long conversation with you and then said that your lunch was ‘on the house.’

“Not too bad?” You asked softly, after finishing lunch.

“Not bad at all,” He smiled.

After bringing in the groceries from a quaint muggle shop, into your warm little yellow kitchen, you took Draco’s hand and led him into the backyard. The sun was setting just beyond the horizon, painting the sky in crimson colors.

“Mr. Fancypants alright with climbing a few trees?” There was a smirk on your face.

“What are we? Five?” Draco chuckled, following you into the tree line.

“Well, I guess that is when daddy and I built this,” You gestured to a certain tree, where an emasculate treehouse resided.

Despite the wooden construction’s age, it still held well. Draco was half expecting it to be bigger on the inside, a commonality in the Wizarding World, but no, what he saw on the outside was what was reflected on the inside. This treehouse held no secrets. Draco smiled as he watched you climb the tree with no shoes on—a commonality he had noticed. You went barefoot whenever you could.

You helped him up and his eyes darted around, taking in the little house with it’s rope banisters, many windows and various trinkets and knickknacks that Draco had no hope in naming or identifying. When his eyes found you again, there was a blanket folded into your arms.

“When I was little, I used to come out here and stargaze... I don’t know how many times Daddy would have to come up here and carry me home ‘cause I fell asleep,” A smile touched your lips.

Draco looked up to the wooden roof and raised an eyebrow skeptically. You caught his question and nodded to a rope to his left. His fingers grasped the course fibers and tugged it experimentally. A mechanism went off and the roof parted at the gable, letting him see the first stars that had come out to play.

There was something different about looking up at these stars with you. He had spent years studying them in class and couldn’t remember half of what he had learned, but with you, they held a different meaning. You knew all of the stories it seemed. The ones that he learned as a child and some he didn’t. It was jarring, hearing the familiar stories fall from your lips. After all this time, maybe your muggle world wasn’t so far off from his magical one.

True to your word, you did end up sleeping softly in his arms as he looked up at the stars, then down at your peaceful face. Knowing that you wouldn’t want to spend the night outside—and neither would he for that matter—he carefully scooped you into his arms, and instead of risking dropping you, he simply apparated to the soft grass below and headed up towards the house.

Your father was waiting on the porch, the light still on despite the late hour, nursing a can, a soft smile on his face.

“Good to see that some things don’t change with her,” Your father opened the door for him. “Sometimes I think I lose her to her fancy schools, halfway around the world,” There was an air of melancholy to his words.

“I can assure you that you’ll never lose her,” Draco smiled down at you. “She adores and loves you more than you’ll ever know. The way she lights up when she talks about home...”

“You’ve made an old man very happy tonight Draco,” Your dad smiled. “Now go on up, I’m gonna close the house up for the night,”

.................................

“I’d like to apologize in advance for just about everythin’ that’s about to happen,” You took his hand smiling.

“How bad can they be?” Draco mused. “You’ve met my friends, and that went well,”

“Uhuh,” You laughed. “Sure. I’ll take that vote of confidence.” You easily backed your truck up into the circle of other vehicles surrounding a rather large bonfire that gave Draco a bit of anxiety.

“Look at what the tide washed in!” Someone called from the back of a pickup truck.

“No way!” Another gasped.

“Since when did you get home!?”

A girl rushed up and pulled you into a hug, dislodging your hand from his as he watched you spin with the girl, both of you laughing. A few others came up and hugs were passed out, hellos exchanged.

“Son of a bitch, you never said he was hot, Y/n,” The first friend who greeted—Rebecca— raised an eyebrow at you.

“Yes, because that’s all I look for in a guy,” You rolled your eyes, offering him a beer and taking a seat on the tailgate of your pickup.

“I’m just glad to see that you haven’t gone full brit on us,” Another—Megan smiled from the arms of a guy that Draco would have stereo typed to be on your arm instead. “Still think you can outshoot me?” She grinned.

“With my eyes closed,” You drawled, taking a sip of your own hard iced tea. “Seriously, y’all think I was just gonna forget everythin’?”

“We didn’t think you’d come back after find Mr. London over here,” Rebecca grinned.

“Yeah, you’ve been awful quiet over there Union Jack,” Megan narrowed her eyes at him, and he felt the same sort of anxiety he had around your parents. “What are your intentions with our Y/n?”

“Y’all really? What are we? High schoolers? And he has a name ya know.” You rolled your eyes, leaning against him, intertwining your finger with his. That eased his anxiety a bit as his eyes stayed trained on the dancing fire.

“Well, any guy worthy of catching your eye must be something special,” Tyler—the guy sitting next to Rebecca—shrugged.

“Oh, come on Tyler, we were freshman,” You scoffed, taking another swig from your can.

Draco’s interest was piqued at this new information. Was there something between you and Tyler that he wasn’t aware of? Was it something he had to worry about? His grip tightened around you and he caught the sly smile on your face at the action.

He learned a lot about you that night. You never were one to brag but stars did your friends like to embarrass you. You weren’t the top of your class, but you were pretty damn close. You always got yourself out of any kind of trouble and had about every boy at your heels in school and didn’t give them an air of interest—Tyler lamented quite obnoxiously. You could be out late Saturday night at a party, but every morning you were up early, in the choir at church—which shocked Draco, you had always been hesitant to sing around him, and he wasn’t exactly sure what ‘church’ was but... it was a question for another time.

The conversation lulled as food was brought out. You offered him a bit of mangled stretched out wire and a hot dog and shot him a dazzling smile before showing him how to roast it over the fire. It was messy and uncivilized, and Merlin, Draco loved it. Sitting cross-legged beside you, a paper plate in his lap filled with such rich food and sweet fruit, he truly caught a glimpse into your world again.

The buzz of insects and glow of others, the heat and warmth of the fire, the smell of grass and dirt, the sound of some country song blasting from a nearby truck, the sway of your body as you hummed along, the smile that rested on your face, the buzz of alcohol in his system, and the taste of it on your lips, Draco never felt more... free. The Dark Mark could be nothing more than a tattoo. His scars could mimic Alex’s dirt biking scars. His school career could be scoffed at like yours was. His parents could just be strict and rich. He could be free.

_____________________________

My thumb absentmindedly stroked the back of Draco’s hand as the night wound down. I had switched to sweet tea a while ago, knowing I’d had to drive home. There was something oddly comforting in seeing Draco in the midst of my small-town world. His careful blue eyes, stark blond hair, and pale creamy skin seemed to rebel at the mere thought, but the smile on his lips overrode it all, claiming he belonged.

In bed that night, my fingers traced over the scars that littered his chest. It was hard to imagine that the Harry I knew caused them. It seemed like worlds away. Even in Draco’s arms, London and magic and wizards sounded like a fairytale, some far-fetched dream.

“Your friends are... nice,” Draco murmured, drawing a chuckle from me.

“That’s one way to put it,” I propped up on my elbow. “Nothing too absurd I hope?” There was a slight teasing tone to my words.

He smiled lazily at me.

“It’s... different here,” Draco decided.

“Good different? Or bad different?”

“Free different.” He mused. “Like... it—my past... doesn’t exist at all. No one here knows, or judges me...”

“Well,” I whispered softly, running my hand through his hair. “It is a different world. Somethin’ you have to love about a small town,” A smile grew on my face. “And it’s not about your past, not anymore. It’s your future that’s important,”

“As long as you’re there,” Draco pressed a kiss to my forehead.

“For as long as you’ll have me,”

“Forever,”

I spent the next day teaching Draco how to bake. He was a decent cook after spending some time with my grandmother and I in London, but backing was a bit different, as Draco found out. With classic rock on the radio and mom and dad out for the day, Draco and I had a blast. A few times I saw him cheat and use wandless magic. It earned him some flour in his face—which he also magicked away. When I protested, he pressed a kiss to my lips and maybe I forgot why I was upset in the first place.

With the pie in the oven, Draco and I lounged across the couch. His hands were fiddling with my hair absentmindedly, as we watched The Breakfast Club. Hermione and Harry had done an alright job introducing Draco to muggle movies and shows. But as much as I loved Doctor Who—we were all convinced that the Doctor was a wizard secretly—or Sherlock, some American normalcy was appreciated.

That night I couldn’t help but laugh as Draco was very confused about football. It was like translating something through three languages—Wizard, to British, to American. After a while I think he gave up on the notion and just nursed his beer. The game held my interest for the second half while my father was very adamant about coaching from his armchair.

“You should have seen him at her little league games,” My mother muttered, causing Draco and I to chuckle and my dad to simmer some.

“Softball,” I filled Draco in. “Like baseball... but for girls I guess.” He nodded.

Before I knew it, the week ended, and Draco and I were packing to return back home, well to London anyway. I traded in my sundresses for jeans and sighed as I unzipped my suitcase, starting to unpack.

“It’s not like we’ll never go back,” Draco wrapped me up in his arms.

“We?” I raised an eyebrow.

“Did you not want me to go back?” A playful smile graced his lips.

“No, I do! I just... well, I know you Dray,” I draped my arms around his neck. “You like things a certain way in a certain order, and well, that,” I gestured vaguely. “was anything but,”

“Maybe it’s time I leave this behind me,” He murmured softly. “Stuffy offices and grey skies...”

My eyes widened in surprise and joy.

“Not completely,” He amended. “I do still have to work, they need me as Head Healer, and you have uni, and then there’s Teddy to think about, but... maybe a summer home there wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world,”

I drew him into a tight hug, tears stinging my eyes. It wasn’t even that he wanted to go back, it was that he wanted me with him when he did. He talked about a home like I’d be there beside him.

And when he was down on one knee, surrounded by my London family, with a simple ring, I knew that he did want me there beside him, and always would.

I gave him an escape from his past and he promised me a future.

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hornsandthings · 5 years ago

Text

a second time within these arms;

pairing: daryl dixon x reader

summary: having been separated from the group around the prison era, reader has been assumed dead for months. upon the group’s arrival at hilltop, however, daryl and the reader are reunited.

word count: 1628 // fluff & angst & exposition lol // i hope daryl’s in character?? he’s a big, surly, quiet hothead of a contradiction, but i love him :(

it has been a long time since you heard the moans of walkers.

it used to be a constant; a reminder of the folly of man and what the world had become. at first, it was an alarm to warn of danger – this was what kept you alive long enough to find the quarry camp outside atlanta. then human adaptability took root: you got used to it, and carried on. shane showed you guns; glenn taught you logistics; rick gave you the courage to endure. you were hardened, and so the groans devolved from an anxiety to an annoyance.

it stayed like that for a while. the moans were always there – sometimes they carried on the wind across the greene family farm – but they weren’t a guaranteed death knell anymore. you felt so damn secure in what the group had found there that your heart started to race for a different reason. eventually you learned that it – love – was one of the most dangerous things to do in this new world; but also the most rebellious.

and daryl dixon had always been one to defy.

it must have been something about his hands, as calloused as they were. they had adorned arrows with the feathers you gathered for him; pulled you back from several enemies; held you close during rare kisses; held your own when you were in pain. the two of you might’ve been a fitful thing, slow and discreet and unconventional, but it was real - sometimes so much so that things could be raw, all red and painful and vulnerable. but he was warmth, he was security, he was the one who kept you from losing your agency. you couldn’t deny it: daryl had taken your heart in such an absolute sweeping way that sometimes you weren’t sorry for the uglier things you’d done, because the both of you were still breathing.

new places, people, priorities; and soon the walkers’ groaning faded into the background, became the new white noise. once or twice a woodbury resident had turned to you while on duty at the prison fences, wide-eyed and swearing that a walker had moaned a word to them. but that was nonsense to you; the groans were always unintelligible.

at least, until you found yourself alone again.

on that trek north, the walkers had been your only company, their moans the only language you could understand for three long months. it became a never-ending chorus, a steadfast radio signal carrying you into the new era: post-apocalypse. the loss had been so great that you had decided to just throw yourself to the wolves too, flatline into something that behaved more dead than alive – not that the distinction was so clear anymore.

it had been so stupid, the way you got separated. you were out helping to search for those wild boars when looters caught you at a disadvantage, knocking you out so well that you didn’t ever remember waking up, only becoming lucid again. by then, you were in a whole other state, so lost in the woods that you weren’t ever going to make it back.

so you just kept going, careless, aimless. it was paul who had found you – you’d been so out of it that you took his moniker as the truth for a while, believing him to the messiah and fearing god for the first time in your life – and brought you here, to hilltop: the first and only place where you couldn’t hear the walkers’ lament.

right now, sitting in the courtyard as you cleaned the bark off some branches, you realised you were coming up on six months as serving as some kind of all-rounder. the structure here might’ve been an estate, but it felt more like a prison than the correctional facility ever did. there was a time when you had considered going back to georgia, but that required the kind of strength you didn’t have anymore.

“stop right there!”

you cocked your head, looking over to the sentries. they were brandishing their spears, they very kind you were currently trying to make more of.

“open the gates, cal.”

“jesus, what the hell is this?”

a rumble of multiple voices. you continued to carve at the branch, unbothered. you might’ve been a little better now, but the numbness that had almost consumed you… it still lingered.

the gates opened, and in walked paul with familiar faces – the doctor, a handful of the runners – and then also familiar faces, those which you thought you’d never see again, and your breath hitched and your heart stopped and you stumbled to your feet, task forgotten, dizzy and sick and sweating and believing—

you wiped hard at your eyes, expecting the stars but surprised to still see them there, rick and glenn and michonne and—and—

“daryl,” you breathed, the branch snapping beneath your feet. paul still held their attention with some explanation of hilltop—

“barrington house…”

—as you tried to move, to speak, but there was a terribly painful lump in your throat—

“…history museum…”

—and for the first time in your life you loved god, because miracles like this were surely divine. he was standing right there,only a few yards away, same jacket same pants same boots—

“…keep running after—”

“daryl!” you shouted, finally finding your voice, drawing all the attention and then he was looking at you, brows furrowing as he took one step back. but you were coming, and the realisation was in his eyes, in that one breathy mumble of your name. daryl swung the rifle over his shoulder just in time to catch you in his arms, his grunt right next to your ear.

you wrapped your arms and legs around him, not caring about the weapons that were digging into you. all you registered was him, daryl dixon, holding you tight. and then you were crying – or perhaps you’d been doing so this whole time – but he didn’t let go, his own shaky breaths warming your neck.

i—you—how—

thoughts running a hundred miles a minute, there were so many things you wanted to say, to explain, to apologise for, but the only thing you were capable of was a quiet sob. words were failing you, but you didn’t need them. not with him.

swallowing hard, you lifted your head and nudged his until you could press your lips against daryl’s own, tasting salt and smoke. it was wet, and hard, a little messy, but daryl’s hand cradled the back of your head to keep you right there against his mouth, letting the kiss linger, letting it last.

you pulled away so slowly, hand cupping his jaw to feel the scrape of stubble. was this real, or had you finally lost your mind? you searched his eyes, taking the time to just see him again. trembling, you pushed some of the hair away from his eyes, heart clenching as you realised you had started to forget some of the smaller details of his face.

“thought you were dead,” he confessed, the confusion and relief still unable to overcome that characteristic low growl to his voice. the mere sound of it had your eyes welling up again, and you gritted your teeth to keep the tears from falling. “we found nothin’ but remains… but it was your jacket, your pack—”

“i got—” you started, but then you shook your head, hands covering your face. daryl carefully set you down amidst the murmur of conversation, hand sliding to your wrist before he entwined his fingers with yours. “got a-attacked. concussion. got so l-lost… ended up here.”

“we mourned you,” rick spluttered, still in the throes of disbelief. daryl winced, shaking his head as guilt wormed its way past the shock.

“the tracks were messed up—thought it was walkers—should’ve seen it was fuckin’—”

“no, no” you started, voice cracking as you clutched at his shirt, not caring whether they had spent time looking for you or had made the call upon seeing whatever mess had been left behind. what mattered was that they were here, and so were you. these words were on the tip of your tongue, but it still felt like you were dyinga little, all this hope and joy an absolute bombardment upon a weathered heart.

daryl gathered you up in his arms again, eyeing paul and the rest of hilltop’s onlookers over your shoulder. “you’re comin’ back with us,” he said, low enough for only you to hear. all you could do was nod, knowing there were things he wanted to say but couldn’t, not in the company of strangers – but then he voiced one of them regardless. “missed you like hell.”

and finally—finally—there was a smile on your face, even if it was shaky. “i thought about you every day,” you whispered, and he squeezed you tighter for a moment in acknowledgement. paul was speaking again, and from the tension in daryl’s shoulders you knew his attention had shifted at the mention of gregory.

it had all happened so fast that it seemed like stop-motion frames, nonlinear and sporadic; surreal. still shell-shocked and utterly floored by it all, you did your best to regain your composure. all you wanted was shadow and privacy and daryl dixon to share it with, just a little while alone to relearn the intimacy that was meant for him only. you knew there’d be subtle differences for you and him to discover, and casting a glance up at him, you hoped time would be kind enough to allow you this reprieve.

after all, to find each other again after all this time, after all those miles… it gave you the strength to indeed have hope again.

#daryl dixon x reader #daryl dixon fanfiction #daryl dixon imagine #daryl dixon x you #daryl x oc #twd x reader #the walking dead fanfiction

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alexsmitposts · 5 years ago

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Relax America: Putin Controls the Horizontal When did you first wake up from the collective sleep? For me, it was right before the Sochi Olympics of 2014. The roll-up blinds turned loose and snapped open, letting the bright morning sun rush into my sleepy brain. I remember thinking, “Wait a minute, us Americans, we’re supposed to be sportsmanlike.” So, something went was all wrong about Russia’s big Winter Olympic extravaganza. Only it had nothing to do with the Russians. The “something” was the onset of Russophobic chaos, you can call it Cold War II. All that hate leveled on Russia at her shining moment, it was the trumpeting of the end of peace in our time. “There is nothing wrong with your television set. Do not attempt to adjust the picture. We are controlling transmission. If we wish to make it louder, we will bring up the volume. If we wish to make it softer, we will tune it to a whisper. We will control the horizontal. We will control the vertical. We can roll the image, make it flutter. We can change the focus to a soft blur, or sharpen it to crystal clarity. For the next hour, sit quietly and we will control all that you see and hear. We repeat: There is nothing wrong with your television set. You are about to participate in a great adventure. You are about to experience the awe and mystery which reaches from the inner mind to… The Outer Limits.” Cut scene away from the 1962 TV series to 2021. Russian strongman Vladimir Putin now controls the world. An American billionaire president is run like a sock puppet by the former KGB Colonel. The great democracy is a push-button Russian toy. Putin’s GRU operatives in secret cyber pods across Russia monkey with the inner workings our America’s system. And now, even the Democratic Party candidates of a once-great nation are nothing more than little wooden Pinocchios for Vladimir to have fun with. It’s over. The Ruskies have won the game. Before long Starbucks will be serving blinis and borscht with a shot of Belebeyevskaya classic vodka. At least this is the rumor from CNN and The New York Times. GQ Magazine asks the question; “Why Does Putin Love Bernie?” James Carville, President Clinton’s former adviser, and campaign manager says; “the Nevada caucuses are a big win for top vote-getter Bernie Sanders, and for Vladimir Putin.” Google promotes the topic of “Russia and Bernie Sanders” to the top of any news search for Putin. Mike Bloomberg is telling the world Bernie Sanders is Putin’s choice because he can’t beat Donald Trump come November. And the United States of America is reduced to a great big mess of finger-pointers and Chicken Little fraidy-cats hollering “THE SKY IS FALLING!” Bloomberg likes China’s President Xi Jinping, Trump’s in Putin’s pocket, Sanders is the Russian interference super-cop, and the people of my country are a fragmented mess of dizzy Disney characters hell-bent on self. The world can go to hell, as long as we can feel like America is great again. In the meantime, the globalists who got the world in the current mess are creating a bipolar power struggle that can only lead to confrontation. From my perspective, everything we are seeing is the beating of war drums in preparation for some ultimate confrontation. The tension feels a lot worse than the original Cold War, in many ways. It’s as if some Wizard of Arms is behind the curtain pulling the strings to take us to a massive arms buildup. This hate and fear Russia narrative can only end in greater world crises. Just the other day Putin commented that Russia is ready for another “Cuban Missile Crisis” scenario if the west takes things that far. But the game big problem is not the complexion of this new Great Game. The more dangerous issue is the fact that policy analysis and geostrategy have become impossible now. The current situation cannot be looked at objectively anymore. Nobody is the expert in a cosmic mind mashing of misinformation and tailored rhetoric coming from all sides. Media is no longer news. Research is tainted by the big money. Profit superimposes an invisible will on everything we hear, see, think, and do. Putin the villain. Crazy Trump. And now the useless Bernie comes under the Russian mind control beam. Nuts. The world has gone nuts. We might as well be in the Dark Ages waiting for the total demographic, cultural, and economic deterioration to come. The New York Times’ On Politics writer Lisa Lerer says “the Russians don’t have to help President Trump or Bernie Sanders. They may already be winning.” It’s funny to me that none of these genius journalists and experts ever ask “What if?” Think about it. Let’s say Vladimir Putin is the great wizard pulling all the levers. What happens when the evil genius Putin finally wins it all? I guess, worst-case scenario, every Russian has two SUVs in their two-car garages in their Vladivostok or Yekaterinburg suburbs. Hell, America operates as if there are not enough gas-guzzling 4x4s to go around. A moment of pause, please. Why was it that the United States and Russia were enemies in the first place? Was there a purpose in all this west-east maneuvering? In my honest opinion, Vladimir Putin has done everything in his power to reconcile relations with the United States. In fact, he’s bent over backward to moderate the situation that came about because of the Ukraine coup. Yes, I said coup. The United States was behind Ukraine-EU integration all along, and Russia has only been on the defensive since before the Georgia War, which was also instigated by the United States. Even though the analysis of the overall geopolitical situation has become impossible, evaluating Putin’s role is not so complex. If the Russian president had wanted this bipolar power struggle, all he needed to do was to forge a military alliance with Iran and/or China. If his grand idea was territorial dominance, air dominance land-based military control of Asia, the Persian Gulf, and satellites in Latin America like Venezuela would pretty much do it. Sadly, this scenario looms darkly over the current situation we face. Americans are totally brainwashed and blinded by controlled media. The MAGA nonsense ripped the United States right down the middle. One provocation, a Gulf of Tonkin, and the next Vietnam or Korea is a reality. There’s nobody and nothing to stop it. Hell, a full-scale revolution is not beyond the scope of imagination if there is a close 2020 presidential race. The stage is set on that. With Putin and Russia as the convenient instigators, try and imagine how a silent or loud coup in America works. Think like the 21st Century robber barons in charge of this whole mess. Somewhere in London or New York, a room thick with cigar smoke and old leather echoes with the casual planning of powerful men. And no, there are no ladies present, I am sorry for those among you who believe in things like equality. This mahogany clad penthouse overlooking us peons is where the fates are being calculated. Two, five, six, or seven old and angry men decide it all. The end game. What Putin will do. How Trump’s play will impact the big win or lose of west versus east. Bernie or Bloomberg. None of this really matters, don’t you see? I can assure you, these people are there planning and plotting based on foreknowledge that presidential outcomes are controlled. Come on America, we know this since forever. The only question is; “Are they planning for the ultimate takeover of the world, or do they already control it?” My only hope is that I am right in betting on Vladimir Putin being on the level. I hope Putin does control the horizontal in this case, because the vertical is controlled by the worst of the worst among us.

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jiminthestreets-bonesinthesheets · 6 years ago

Text

Lost in Translation - Ch 9

Title: Lost in Translation

Fandom: Star Trek

Pairing: Mckirk

Rating: Lemon

Tags: minor character death, hurt, little bit of self destruction, stranded, definite smut down the line!

Summary:

“Attention citizens. This is the crew of the Enterprise asking for your aid. On Stardate 2264.78 a shuttle manned by our captain and fourteen cadets was ambushed by an unknown source and chased out of sight of our ship and into open space. Those cadets as well as our captain, James Tiberius Kirk, are still missing. We are asking anyone with any information on their whereabouts, or regarding the attack, to please contact the Enterprise immediately. Our family would appreciate any assistance you can give.”

AO3 Link

Masterlist

@medicatemedrmccoy HOLD ON TO YOUR HAT! THE POND SCENE IS HERE!!!!

Chapter 9

The rest of their trip to Georgia had gone so well. Jim and Len spent every waking moment together, and Gran couldn’t have been happier over the progress she was making with the two of them. If she had it her way they’d be making out behind the barn like a couple of horny teenagers before they left in three days.

The trip was slowly coming to an end, the boys only having a few days left of their two week vacation before heading back to the hustle and bustle of school life. And at the moment Gran was walking them across the yard and towards the paddocks to introduce Jim to the horses.

By midday Jim had met mostly all of them and was now straddling the fence to pet a jet black mare who had come over to say hello.

“I think she likes you, Jimmy.” He smiled as he continued to run his hand down her nose as she nuzzled into him, “She's mine, her name’s Amara. I wish I could ride her again, but my old bones just can’t take it anymore, so unfortunately none of the horses really get a good riding these days.”

“That’s sad.”

“That it is, Jimmy my boy. The barn hands ride them occasionally, but those boys are tired after working all day,” she sighed, then perked up with a thought, “You boys have a few days left out here, why don’t you ride em’?”

Jim turned to her with wide wild eyes and shouted, “Yes!” before jumping off the fence and running into the barn, Gran and Len following behind him.

When they were inside the barn, Jim nearly dancing through the lane, Gran pointed to two stalls side by side at the end, “That’s Lenny's horse, Titan, powerful thing he is. And that there’s Apollo, I think you'll like him, Jimmy.” Jim walked over to stand beside Gran and leaned into Apollo’s stall, “You boys know where the tack room is, I'm sure Lenny can help you find some boots and a helmet that’ll fit ya, and I’ll send one of the barn hands out before you leave with a picnic for you boys.”

“You’re the absolute best, Gran!” Jim turned to smack her cheek with a quick kiss before opening the stall door and walking inside to properly meet Apollo.

While Jim was distracted by the horse for the moment, Len took his chance to saddle up beside Gran and call her out. “Gran, we are supposed to be visiting you, not constantly running off and leaving you alone in the house. And don’t think for a second that I don’t know what you're up to with Jim.”

Gran threw him a sideways glance and a smirk as she replied sweetly, “Y’all have been in the house with me all mornin’, and look how excited Jimmy is to go for a ride. Take him out for a while and come back in a few hours, and don’t be afraid to use some of that McCoy charm I know you’ve got.”

Len sighed, looking to Jim then back to his Gran, “Jim and I… we… I don’t know if he-”

“Nonsense!” She gave his arm a smack, “If that boy didn’t have a lick of feelings for you he wouldn’t have followed you all the way out to Georgia! Now, use that brain in your thick skull and love that boy already. Y’all need to get over yourselves, before I'm dead.”

“Gran!” Len turned to her with a gasp and wide eyes at the mere thought.

“Lenny,” she took his hands in hers, “you deserve to be happy, and Jimmy makes you happy. I can see it, hell the whole town could see it at your party. And if there’s any clue as to how much that boy truly loves you it’s this right here.” she reached one hand up to loop a finger into the chain hanging around his neck, “He had this engraved with the very first moment you two met and gave it to you as a present on your birthday, you know why? Because this was the best moment of his life, the very moment he laid eyes on Leonard McCoy. This is no mere gift, my boy, this is very special to Jimmy and it’s special because of you.”

Len looked down at the necklace hanging around his neck and smiled. “Now,” she gave his hand a pat and turned him towards Jim, “go on and help Jimmy tack up before he explodes from all the excitement.”

Len laughed as he looked over at Jim in the stall beside Apollo. Shifting from foot to foot, waiting as patiently as he could for them to finish their secret conversation.

When Len walked over he took Jim's hand and lead him towards the tack room past Gran as she said, “I’ll send one of the barn hands out with the picnic before y’all leave, and I’ll have dinner ready by the time you get back. You boys have fun now.”

~~~~~~~~~~~

It took about a half an hour for them to tack the horses and find Jim boots and a helmet that fit, but they were finally about to head out for their ride.

Len was on the bench in the tack room, finishing up with the zipper on his last boot, and when he stood and turned he was suddenly chest to chest with Jim and a cowboy hat was plopped onto his head. He laughed and lifted the hat with one finger to peer at Jim from under it.

Jim stood before him, hands behind his back and face scrunched in thought. “You know,” he began in a husky tone, “I never really thought cowboys were sexy… apparently I was dead wrong.” Len gave him a smirk and Jim let out a small moan, causing Len's breath to hitch in his throat.

Without moving his eyes from Jim's he reached to the side and placed a hat on Jim's head too, leaning in to whisper, “Got that right, I'm currently staring at the sexiest one I know,” returning Jim's moan as he grabbed Len by the shirt and pulled him even closer.

Jim moved his hands up to snake his arms around Len's neck, “Maybe we shouldn’t go riding, Bones.”

Len let out a deep chested laugh, “I thought you were excited to ride the horses… what changed your mind?” and at the shiver that ran through Jim's entire body, he was sure he knew the answer.

Hands suddenly found their way into Len's hair, fingers winding themselves in to pull Len even closer then he already was as Jim practically moaned in his ear, “After seeing you in that hat I think I’d rather save a horse and ride a cowboy.”

The blush that ran up Len's neck and face was instant with Jim's words. God, how Len had wanted this for so long, but he and Jim had always joked, how was he to know if this was true? Yeah, they had gotten really close during their days here in Georgia, but what if he was reading this all wrong? What if Jim didn’t actually feel this way and it was all for a laugh? The last thing he wanted was to lose his friendship with Jim over a misunderstanding on his part. And as much as he wanted this, he didn’t want to push something that he wasn’t sure Jim wanted.

With those thoughts invading his mind Len moved his hands from Jim's back and placed them on his hips, pushing back just a bit to separate them, “Alright, come on, before it gets too dark and I have to hear you whine about not being able to ride.”

Len moved past Jim and walked out towards their waiting horses, and Jim was left standing in the tack room breathless and flushed, wondering what the hell just happened.

~~~~~~~~~~~

“Left foot in the stirrup and kick off hard.” Jim did as instructed and with a little help from Len managed to land himself somewhat gracefully in the saddle. “Good job!”

Jim watched as Len rounded his horse beside him and launched himself into the saddle like he belonged there, then he turned to Jim. “Apollo's pretty laid back so he’ll just follow Titan, you won’t have to do much or worry he's gunna take off.”

Jim just nodded and Len urged his horse forwards, Jim’s following after.

After an oddly long silence between them, Len turned to speak, “Awfully quite, Jim, that’s not like you. Do I need to break out the medkit?”

Jim jerked, ripping himself from his thoughts. He had thought that Len wanted the same thing as him, especially after the way they had been with each other since landing in Georgia. He thought that Len was giving him hints and signals, but maybe he was wrong. Maybe Len just thought this was a game between them, a joke among… friends. But he didn’t want it that way, he wanted more. Maybe he wasn’t doing enough, maybe Len thought the same way as him, that Jim was the one who wanted to be just friends. Maybe he had to do more to show Len that certainly was not the case, and he’d be damned if he didn’t do just that!

He turned to face Len, forcing a smile on his face and replied, “M’fine, Bones, promise.”

He gave Jim a skeptical look, but decided to drop it for now and focused on their path ahead. After riding through the forest for a while Len finally dismounted then walked around to help Jim get down from Apollo, he tied their horses to a nearby tree. He grabbed the basket of food Gran had prepared them and led Jim a little deeper into the forest.

As Jim followed behind, batting away some pretty thick brush he shouted ahead, “Where are we going, Bones?”

“Just a little further,” he called back, before he disappeared from Jim's sight.

“Bones?!”

Jim pushed harder and faster trying to catch up to Len, and when he pushed through the brush where Len had disappeared he found himself in a small circular clearing in the trees. Len was already sitting on the spread out blanket and pulling out the containers of food.

“You sitting or what?” Jim blinked down at Len and then finally joined him, taking no time at all to start digging into the fruit and pastries packed by Gran.

Len smiled at Jim as he stuffed his face, hoping that this meant he was over whatever had hit him at the beginning of their ride, and followed suit with some strawberries.

“So,” Jim began around a mouthful, “how did you find this?”

“With my Ma,” Jim stopped eating and focused his eyes on Len, “we used to ride a lot when I was younger. We would come out here and have picnics all the time together, just the two of us while my Pa was at work. We found this little clearing by accident one day, stumbled onto it while we were playing hide and seek to give the horses a break, and after that we came here almost everyday.”

“That’s a nice memory, Bones.”

“It is,” he nodded, “and when she died this sort of became my safe haven. I’d come out here on my own despite Gran yelling at me to stop running off. But it was the only place after her death that I felt really close to her.”

“I'm sorry,” Jim reached over and placed a hand on Len's knee, “we don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.”

Len covered Jim's hand with his own looking down, “I just wish they hadn’t died that night, I wish that man hadn’t been drinking and driving and hit my parents car.”

“I wish that too,” Jim whispered, “but at least you had Gran.”

“Yeah,” Len smiled finally locking eyes with Jim, “still do. I don’t know what I would do without her.”

Now that Len was smiling again Jim gave his hand a squeeze and then returned to picking at the food. “She’s a great lady, you're lucky to have her as a Gran. I wish I would have met her sooner.”

“I should have brought you out here a long time ago,” Len nodded as he popped in another strawberry, “I knew you would love it here, I knew you’d love Gran, and I shouldn’t have stayed away for so long.”

“Well, I'm glad were here now, and,” Jim raised his watermelon in a toast and Len touched his strawberry to it as Jim continued, “I can’t wait to come back after next semester exams!”

~~~~~~~~~~~

Two days later and their trip had finally come to an end. It was their last day in Georgia and the two had spent it making sure that Gran had everything she needed before they left early the next morning. They made a trip into town to stock Gran's kitchen, helped her with a few last minute chores around the house, took her out for a nice dinner at the fanciest restaurant in town, and now they were spending their last night of freedom relaxing.

Jim had popped on an old movie, some sappy romance that Len had tried to talk him out of in place of one about cars, but Jim had insisted and put it on. They were about halfway through the movie, Len was sitting on the couch and Jim was lying on the floor below him using Len's feet as a pillow, when Gran stood up from her chair beside them.

She gave an over exaggerated yawn before turning to them, “I think I'm going to turn in early tonight boys.”

Both boys immediately snapped their heads towards her, movie forgotten, “Are you alright, Gran? You don’t normally turn in this early.”

“I'm fine, Lenny,” she insisted with a wave of her hand, “but you boys are leaving early tomorrow and I want to be up to see you off.”

Len didn’t look at all convinced so Jim stepped in, “You sure Gran? You know if you need anything you can tell us, right?”

She smiled and pat the top of Jim's head, “Of course I do. But nothing to worry about, my boys, just a tired old lady. Good night you two.”

The boys responded in kind and slowly turned their attention back to the movie as Gran made her way towards the stairs. When she reached the bottom step she turned back to them with a smirk on her face the devil would be proud of, and innocently suggested, “You know, it’s a fine night out boys. Why not go out for your last night and enjoy the Georgia night? Stars are out tonight and it’s a full moon.”

Len's head turned to her so quickly he was sure he had whip lash. She was never sick or even tired, this was all a ploy!

Before he could say anything Jim sat up from his place at Len's feet, “That actually sounds really nice, Bones, and we don’t get many opportunities like that back at the academy.”

When he finished, Jim turned slightly and laid his chin on Len's knees as he hugged his legs, giving Len his best puppy dog eyes. And of course it worked, “Where do you wanna go, kid?”

“I dunno,” Jim laughed as Len bounced his feet jostling Jim around as he did, “you’ve lived here most of your life, you tell me. Where's the best place to go on a nice night under a full moon?”

Gran saw her chance there and snuck back into the living room to plant one more idea. “Lenny, why not take Jimmy back to the pond?” he looked back to Gran completely shocked. His mouth opened and closed a few times but nothing came out. This had to be her best scheme yet during their visit, she certainly had a way with meddling and there was no doubt in his mind exactly where her thoughts were headed. “It’s a nice quite place to talk, no one else around for miles… you can be as loud as you want.”

When she finished she sent a wink Len's way and his jaw instantly hit the floor. His sweet little innocent Gran… apparently not.

Jim was up and moving in an instant, thankfully not catching the silent exchange between Len and Gran and shouting, “That sound great! Let’s go, Bones!”

And before Len could manage to get words out of his mouth Jim was bouncing up the stairs beside Gran to grab his shoes. In a flash Jim was running back down the stairs, Len's shoes being thrown at him as Jim turned into the kitchen yelling at him to hurry up, before running out the back door. All Len could think as he quickly pulled on his shoes was curse Gran and her meddlesome ways… but hopefully also thank her too.

It wasn’t long before Len was strolling out the back door and down the porch steps, but Jim was already halfway across the yard. He couldn’t help but laugh as he called out, “Kid, wait for me! You don’t even know where the pond is.”

“Hurry it up then, old man!” Jim turned back and waved him forwards, “I wanna get there before we have to leave tomorrow.”

Len just shook his head with a smile on his face and ran to catch up to Jim, swooping down to take his hand and lead him the rest of the way.

After they crossed the yard, past all the paddocks, and walked for a few minutes through the trees they finally came to the pond. It was beautiful. The small clearing held a shimmering pool of water under the glow of the silver moon directly overhead, surrounded completely by trees and brush, a perfect little hidden paradise. At the sight of it Jim wished they never had to leave.

Len let Jim's hand go and walked to the edge of the pond. He toed off his shoes and sat at the edge with his legs in the water, and Jim sat beside him doing the same.

A comfortable silence washed over them as Jim laid his head on Len's shoulder, and they stayed like that for a long time before Jim asked, “How deep is it?”

“Mid torso,” he sighed, completely comfortable like this, “used to swim here with Gran as a kid.”

Jim nodded, then stood jostling Len out of his dazed state. When Len turned his head around Jim was stripping down to his boxers.

“What are you doing?” he quirked a brow.

Jim shrugged as he tossed his shorts to the side, “It’s a nice night, Bones, lets swim.”

“No thanks!” he shook his head, turning back to the pond.

“Oh, come on,” Jim gave him a nudge, “just jump in with me.” Len just shook his head refusing to look back at Jim, “It’s just the two of us out here, and I’ve seen you in your boxers before if that’s what you're worried about. Or are you just chicken… old man.”

Jim knew he had him and smirked as, sure enough, Len stood and turned to stalk towards Jim. He stood right in front of Jim and looked him dead in the eyes, his gaze so intense that Jim found himself unable to look away. With a smirk, Len ran his finger tips ever so lightly from Jim's hips and up his bare sides, loving the shivers he felt rippling through Jim's body. Jim's head tilted back slightly as he let out a gasp, and Len's hands moved back down to flatten on Jim's hips. He moved one hand around to the small of Jim's back to pull him in closer, flush against his chest, and in one swift move tightened his hold on Jim and jumped sideways into the pond.

When Jim popped his head out of the water, sputtering and confused with Len laughing in front of him, he couldn’t help but join in. when he finally caught his breath he swam closer to Len and stood before him, almost touching but not quite. Without moving his eyes from Len's he reached down and grabbed the bottom of Len's shirt, pulling it slowly over his head and throwing it on the grass. He then ran his hands down Len's shoulders, then his chest and towards the button of his shorts, making quick work of that and leaning down to pull them off. He tossed them in the same direction as the shirt and the two were now both in only boxers.

Slowly they closed the gap between them, Jim landing his hands on Len's chest and Len wrapping his arms around Jim's waist and keeping him close. The silver glow of the full moon above them caught on the medallion wrapped around Len's neck and Jim ran a hand down the chain. It definitely hadn’t gone unnoticed by Jim that Len had so far kept his word and had yet to take it off, which Jim could not describe in words how that made him feel, so he did the next best thing. He leaned down, Len's eyes caught on his every move, and placed an open mouthed kiss on the medallion on Len's chest, catching half medallion and half skin between his lips. He felt and heard the moan ripple through Len's chest and smiled as he nosed the spot, then brought his head up to lie on Len's shoulder.

Jim moved his hands up and around Len's neck to play with his hair between his fingers as Len gently swayed them back and forth. “You know, I’ve never brought anyone to the pond before, you’re the only one.” Jim smiled into his shoulder, blushing profusely. “And thanks for coming with me, Jim, it means a lot to me that you’re here,” he whispered into Jim's shoulder.

Jim ran a hand down the back of Len's head and replied, “Any time, Bones, I loved this.”

“Me too,” he smiled, “it made Gran really happy to have you here, she really likes you, Jim. And it was nice to see her reaction when you accepted the invitation to come out.”

“I would do anything fro Gran,” he hesitated a moment, then continued, “but you know I also came for you, right?”

“Me?”

“Yeah,” Jim breathed, “I meant what I said at your party. Two weeks without you, alone in our room… I wouldn’t have made it.”

Len chuckled, “I'm sure you would have been fine, and you know there are other people on campus besides me. You have other friends, Jim, two weeks would have seemed like a breeze.”

Jim smiled as he rubbed his thumb melodically over Len's hair line at the base of his neck. Len was right, he had plenty of other friends, but he was wrong in thinking Jim wouldn’t have been bothered with his absence.

He ran his thumb over the same spot once more then whispered almost inaudibly, “I only want you, Bones.”

Len didn’t know what to say, so he just wrapped his arms tighter around Jim and nuzzled his face into the crook of his neck.

“We should just stay here.”

The suggestion was so out of place that it took Len a second to register what he had said. “What?”

“Here, in Georgia,” Jim shrugged as if it was obvious, “we should just stay here forever.”

“And give up Starfleet?” He raised a brow even knowing Jim couldn’t see it.

“It’s beautiful here, peaceful.” He sighed against Len's shoulder, “I’ve never felt as content in my life as I do right here, with you.”

“That’s why I love it here so much,” and it was true, he always did love Georgia.

“It’s settled then, we’ll stay.”

Len laughed and Jim was quick to follow.

“Can’t be captain if you're grounded in Georgia,” Len joked, but at the same time both boys knew it was true.

“Yes…” he drawled, “but we’d be grounded together. You and me, Bones, forever.”

Len couldn’t help but find himself a little shocked. He knew Jim was stuck to his hip like glue, but he hadn’t realized just how deeply attached he was, maybe he wasn’t reading the signs wrong after all. “So you’d give up all that, space, discovery, exploration, just to stay here with me in Georgia?”

“If you asked me to.” Just as simple as that it seemed.

“And what if I didn’t want to stay here?” he asked, testing the waters slightly, “What if I asked you to run away? Live on another planet far from here and never see Georgia again.”

Jim continued to rub his thumb over Len's neck as he answered, “I go where you go, Bones.”

Len let out a chuckle at that, but still replied with, “Yeah, same here, kid.”

Both of them held tighter to each other, neither wanting to let this moment go, but they knew it couldn’t last forever. “As much as I would love to stay here with you, Jim, we have to go back.”

Jim sighed, it was a nice dream but even he knew it couldn’t be, “I know, kinda don’t want to though.”

“Me neither kid. But…”

“But what?”

“Maybe one day we can,” Len stopped his swaying momentarily, just holding Jim still in the pond, “stay here together that is, if you still want to by then-”

“Yes!”

Len laughed, “What if you change your mind about me? A few years down the road you might not want a grumpy old doctor anymore.”

“Never, Bones,” Jim shook his head, “you and me to the end, no matter what.”

It wasn’t Len's fault if a tear suddenly escaped him, running down his cheek and landing on Jim's shoulder just then. “No matter what, kid.”

Neither said another word after that, instead picking up their swaying again and spending most of the night wrapped in each others arms under the moon and stars.

~~~~~~~~~~~

With the medallion between his fingers Len looked down at Jim's still motionless body in the biobed. Those two weeks in Georgia were the best two weeks of his life. He had Jim all to himself, no exams, or classes, or work. Just the two of them in a perfect paradise of their own, one he wishes could have lasted forever.

“I never got to tell you on that trip what I really wanted to tell you,” he began, taking up Jim's hand in his and running his thumb over his fingers, “I should have, but I didn’t. I was worried I was reading it all wrong. One minute you were all over me, right by my side, holding my hand, and all I had to do was just lean in and say it, but… but I was never sure if it was right, if you would say it back, and I didn’t want to lose you because I was wrong. It’s obvious now, looking back, that we were both just dancing around each other like fools. Gran was right, I should have just told you.”

He sighed, wishing with all his might that the hand in his would squeeze back, or Jim would open his eyes and look at him, just finally hear him. But he was becoming more and more worried that it wouldn’t happen and he had lost his chance, hundreds of chances actually.

“God,” he ran his free hand down his face, “you don’t know how much I need you Jim. I was a god damn mess without you. You said two weeks away would have been bad? How about two months?! I’ve been an absolute wreck without you, kid, and it’s about high time you wake up. I need you by my side, I need your hand in mine when you think no ones looking, hell I don’t even care if you wanna hold my damn hand on the bridge where everyone can see. I don’t even care if you never let go again, I just need you to wake up Jim-”

A tear fell from his cheek and landed on Jim's. He had gotten so close, their foreheads were almost touching and he had at some pointed started crying. His chest was aching and breathing was becoming very difficult with every second that Jim remained unresponsive. He closed the gap and rested his forehead on Jim's, taking in a deep breath before speaking again, “I’ve always needed you Jim, always. Right from the first moment I met you, and you managed to keep me calm the whole way from Riverside to the academy, but when… when everything fell apart and you were still there beside me it only made my love for you stronger, I'm just sorry it took me all these years to finally get the courage to say it. But god I need you, I need you now more then I ever have in my life, even back then… I can’t live without you, Jim.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N: THE POND SCENE!!!!!! Finally! I feel like I’ve been waiting a hundred years to give this to you guys and it hath finally arrived! I hope y’all like it as much as I do, buuuuuuuut..... Fair warning, this is the last little bit of nice soft mckirk you’ll see for a while, the next chapter gets a bit heavy...

Hope everyone enjoys this and let me know what you think <3

Tags: @goingknowherewastaken @medicatemedrmccoy @bi-e-ne @weresilver-in-space @resistance-is-futile81 @0dannyphantom0 @haveyouseenmymind @jimboy-mccoy @reading-in-moonlight @flaminglupine

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heatherdayton · 7 years ago

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task two ; character questionnaire

I. ARE YOU A WILMINGTON NATIVE? IF NOT, WHERE DID YOU GROW UP? TELL US ABOUT YOUR CHILDHOOD.

“Know what?” She narrowed her eyes with a cheeky grin, pointing. “Sometimes I feel like I am a native. I’m not. I consider myself a hybrid of sorts.” She hoped that if anyone had asked this question and if it would be published, the previous statement would be used as a pull-quote in fancy, italicized lettering. “In Savannah, Georgia is where I spent most of my diaper wearing days… Atlanta, Carrollton, Brunswick… Lived in different places in Georgia and upstate New York. Manhattan. Just moving around and letting some parts of this world know my name. Well, country. Alright, two states. Three, counting North Carolina. I know that sounds dramatic, but just work with it. I’d lived in a house, a basement, an apartment complex, and I was too young to really remember, but we were in a trailer home. My environment was constantly changing. Mom couldn’t stay in one place for too long.”

II. WHAT IS YOUR RELATIONSHIP LIKE WITH YOUR FAMILY? DO YOU HAVE SIBLINGS? A LARGE EXTENDED FAMILY?

A genuine, immediate smile formed upon her face, contrary to the reaction she would’ve had if she hadn’t moved to Wilmington. “Robert and Colleen Dayton are the coolest, lamest grandparents on the planet,” Heather shook her head in admiration. “Love ‘em so much. Seriously, come and spend one night at our dinner table. Psst, gramps a little TMI, but you get used to it.” She laughed. Talking about the woman who’d partially raised her was difficult. Part of her wanted to mention her father in Rochester having spent time with him for part of her upbringing and how he’d been working towards being a better father, though bringing him up would undoubtedly spark questions about her mother. Despite nothing had happened yet, it comforted her that he was making an effort to some degree. As for the mother, Laura—prior to Heather, there was Haley. A half-sister she was a stranger to before she stepped foot in North Carolina.

III. DESCRIBE YOUR HIGH SCHOOL EXPERIENCE.

“Mm, yes. High school. Let’s see. I was,” she hesitated for a bit, “in some way… a teacher’s pet.” Her body winced. “I know, I couldn’t help it. I was that kid. People used to say that I possessed a knack to knowing and understanding things before the questions were even posed. Sounds philosophical. I don’t deny it at all, though. Here’s why: I used to write-in my own bonus questions at the end of exams. Freakin’ show-off. Overall, I was dang focused on my work and had my nose in a book at the library during my free period. Pretty much everything I did in high school was at high school. Didn’t go to any wack high school parties. As for prom, there was this kid in my class. I'm sure we had only two conversations before he’d hit me with the promposal : ‘Heather Dayton, oh Heather Dayton, be my Heather Nighton. I’ll be your Night-on shining armor, join me for prom?’ Corny as hell. I couldn’t say no. I didn't say no.”

IV. WHAT WAS YOUR YEARBOOK SUPERLATIVE? WHY WAS THIS SO?

“Most Likely to Accidentally Discover Something Life-Changing, then Claim That It Was All Intentional.” She recited the words exactly how they’d been written in the yearbook. “I don’t understand it, either. Oddly specific. It was the longest one on the damn page. I never knew whether to accept that as a compliment, because it’s as if people think I can’t discover something totally life changing on purpose? I have to rely on, I dunno, an accident? But at the same time, I guess it’s quite telling of killer instinct, so I usually go with that detail and that makes me feel better ‘bout it.”

V. WHAT DID YOU DO AFTER HIGH SCHOOL? DID YOU GO TO COLLEGE? IF NOT, WHY?

“I did go to college, I graduated here. UNC Wilmington. I’ve got a B.S. in Chemistry. No bullshit,” Heather winked. “If it weren’t for tuition, I’d go back. Hell, I’d pay the loans if desperation called for it. I don’t have any plans currently to go back, I’m quite happy with interning at different places. I’m only stating that I’m not opposed to returning,” she added with a shrug.

VI. WAS THERE AN EVENT IN YOUR LIFE THAT GREATLY IMPACTED WHO YOU ARE NOW AS A PERSON?

“It’s somewhat of a cliché, but I’ve come to the realization that things will fall into place. That stillness becomes a radiance, as Morgan Freeman once said. Moving to this city and making the decision to stay, I could say that it honestly…frightened me. I was afraid that I was missing something, that I was gonna be held back in some way. I don’t know, I feel like I was conditioned to think that seeking change all the time would satisfy me and bring me happiness, but that wasn’t the case at all. Sure, change is good. Change is difficult and hard decisions are necessary. But oh, no. Choosing to stay here—and this is the longest I’ve ever lived in one city before—it was an easy decision. Truthfully, I’d made a plan after college graduation to move again on my own terms, except I’d let the idea of staying here come up, then I just did it. I trusted my gut that this was the right thing to do, for me. It was a good type of change.”

VII. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN LOVE? IF NOT, DO YOU THINK THAT IS POSSIBLE FOR YOU IN THE FUTURE?

“I hope so,” she spoke softly. The nearly twenty-three year old claimed to know an abundance of concepts; however, the chemistry of love remained as something complex. "Looking back at my first relationship as a fourteen year old. At that time, I knew I felt love. I really did, I knew it. I could attempt to explain what goes on, scientifically speaking, in the brain when that happens. Then, as time passed I thought, ‘No, that couldn’t have been love.’ But could have that really been love, for a mere teenage girl?” Her brows furrowed. It was possible that she was overthinking it—that had been something she couldn’t control, a tendency to be looking at things analytically, more often than necessary. “Maybe none of this makes sense. Maybe it’s not supposed to make sense. That’s what’s exciting about love, I presume.”

VIII. WHEN WERE YOU BORN AND WHAT IS YOUR ASTROLOGICAL SIGN? DOES IT INFLUENCE YOUR LIFE IN ANY WAY?

“June 12, that would make me a Gemini.” She pressed her mouth into a scowl. “I’ve heard people trying to prove,” the girl rolled her eyes without finishing her thought, “that astrology is a science. I, [laughs] what? Listen, I understand that every side needs to be heard. Many possibilities out there to prove, whatnot. But astrology? A real science! I took this astronomy course in college. Meet this girl, super sweet. Sits next to me on the first day. We’re lab partners. Hit it off, you get me? We talk ‘bout the stars and it’s stupid cute. Then, brings up zodiac signs.” Her face went stone cold. “No. She told me I was a Gemini before I’d even told her my birthday. God? I don't mess with it. She must’ve really studied that nonsense shit real hard, huh? We’ll be here all day if we continue this discussion.”

IX. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE TIME OF YEAR? TELL US SOME OF YOUR FAVORITE ACTIVITIES TO DO DURING THIS TIME.

“Autumn! I love everything about fall. The weather, the fashion, the mood. Wearing scarves happens to be one of my fave activities. Kidding. Well, that’s real, but fave activities do include pumpkin picking, pumpkin carving, doing my annual Harry Potter marathon. I bake a lot of things at this time ‘cause usually me and the g’parents do fruit picking, so.”

X. WHERE DO YOU SEE YOURSELF IN TEN YEARS AND WHAT DO YOU HAVE HOPED TO ACHIEVE?

“From what you can tell based on one of my previous answers, I have this mindset that I simply roll with. That I sort of let life do its thing.” As of now, Heather was experiencing work and growing to appreciate different aspects of her interning job in clinical lab science. The girl had an undeniable curiosity in several branches including clinical, nanotech, forensic, and industrial work. Whatever it may be, she strives to be the best version of herself. “I simply want to be happy and do what I love. I’ve got this crazy inkling,” she teased, “that I'll exceed my high school superlative. Totally do something wild and intentional. I realize that’s a big dream, to want to make that big of an impact, but it all starts from within. And I feel very confident that I have what it takes.”

#wilmingtontask #wilmingtontask02 #muse.#this task was super fun omg

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deeeelightfuldee · 3 years ago

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How many cats and dogs have you had as pets in your lifetime? oooo boy. ok lets see. 5 dogs, 9 cats?

Can your mom and/or dad play any instruments, or how about anyone else in your family? My mom doesn’t play anything. My dad is a drummer

Have you ever colored in an adult coloring book as a stress reliever? Yes. I’ve done it this week alone, just to try and calm down a little.

Can you crack crab legs without a tool? i have no idea. I don’t eat crab or anything in the sea for that matter.

How many light sources are in the room you’re in? ooo good question. umm, eight? lol

What’s your favorite thing to put on bagels? uhhh cream cheese.

Who’s your favorite director? i really don’t know, i don’t follow who directs what.

Bats: cute or gross? i mean, I don’t really care.

What was the last really intense pain you felt? lung pain during this whole nonsense.

Would you rather vacation by a beach or a lake? either.

How would you feel about traveling abroad alone? I would love to, but I don’t see it happening with the travel restrictions these days.

What is your father's middle name? He doesn’t have one. he’s got a family name and the men who have it do not have a middle name. Where did your last kiss take place? uhhh I believe on my driveway

Which movie villain do you find the most terrifying? no clue, tbh. none that come to mind

Do you stick your tongue out often in pictures? I don’t think ive ever done that.

Which one of your family members are you closest to? My mom. one of my brothers and my sister.

Would you rather have name brand shoes or name brand clothes? brand names just don’t matter to me, but if i was forced to choose i guess shoes?

Are you a good liar? no. not at all.

Are you proud of your parents? Im super proud of my mom.

Which is better: orange or grape soda? orange

Was the last thing you ate hot or cold? hot. so yummy.

Who was the last person in your house who isn’t family? uhhhhhhh, idk who was here when I wasn’t in town, but prior to that I would imagine em/nathan

What color was the last swimsuit you wore? green

Can you remember the last song you listened to? something from the toy story soundtrack lol. I’m binge watching all four today... I am using Kile’s disney+ for as long as he has it. I don’t think he watches it ever, so I imagine it’ll cut off soon.

Have you ever been dumped really harshly? once. it was horrible. every other time I’ve done the break up.

Can you do a back flip, or anything else of that sort? heck’n no. unless im going into a pool maybe.

Do you have any exes you can’t stand anymore? yes

What happened to cause you to feel that way about them? he sexually assaulted me

Are you more of a phone or a computer person? my preference is laptop,

Do you have a job, and if so, where do you work? not currently.

If not, do you want one? yeah i’d like to have income.

Do any medical afflictions run in your family? yes. a few.

What’s your favorite Mexican dish? pork tacos from mama marias omggggggggggggg.

Have you ever been to a professional sports game? yes. bulls games, bears games

Have you ever ordered a specially made cake from a cake shop? of course.

What months were you and your siblings born in? january, july, august, august

What did you have for dinner last night? nicks.

Do you do anything to groom your eyebrows? absolutely. to keep the shape n such.

Has your town ever flooded? uhhhhh to my knowledge once. it had rained SO heavily for like a week and the local ponds and lakes were over-flowing. a car literally floated down my road. it was so weird.

Have you ever played at the McDonald’s play place? when I was a kiddo yes. not often tho cus I didn’t like the smell, it was always sticky, and there were always bratty kids.

Have you ever taken a picture of snow? only every single day it snows

Do you cry easily? i notoriously do not cry in front of anyone. I am not a crier. when I lost Kile I cried for weeks.

Are you happy with where you live? I love it.

Do people ever mistake you for being a different race? No

Do you hate the last person you kissed? no, i’m not a hateful person

What genre is your favorite movie? drama, romance, kids lol

Who was the last person you were in a car with? Mom. she picked me up from the airport.

Do you like the picture on your license/I.D. card? yes. I always seem to get the nice workers and they help so much.

When was the last time somebody hit on you? yesterday. blegh.

Was the last person you met a male or female? hmm. Iiiiiii wanna say male.

What brand is your underwear? I think the pair im wearing is hanes.

What’s your favorite Thanksgiving food? usually green bean casserole.

Do you have a TV in your room? yup. watching TS1 right now.

Are any of your electronics charging right now? my phone. of course it was on 2 percent.

What was the last video game you played? acnh on the switch.

What’s the biggest promise someone’s ever made to you? Did they keep it? that they will be there for me forever and always take care of me. no.

Google, Bing, or Yahoo? Google.

What was the last song you had on repeat? more by bobby darin

Who is your favorite person to watch on YouTube? froggy fresh

How many college degrees do you want? i have two. I’d like my masters and/or phd

Can you wink? yes but I dont think it looks good lol i have to get better

Do you own any jerseys? I did, I dont know if I have any still

Have you ever tried to snort Pixie Stix as a child, or even an adult? No. i wasn’t a dumb child and i certainly wouldnt do that as an adult

Do you like going to baby showers? Do you go only for the cake? not really no.

Has there ever been a time in your life, you felt sexually undecided? no.

Do you think tattoos and piercings are sexy on the opposite sex? im not into piercings on guys. tattoos are fine if they arent trashy

Do people ever ask you to do things they’re too short to accomplish? all the time.

What color are the headphones you have at this moment in time? kind of a creamy taupe-y color

Ever choked severely on something during lunch at your school? no

Do you eat more vegetables or fruits? What’s your favorite fruit/veggie? i probably consume more fruits? but i love both.

What would you say is the color of your favorite bra? white

Is anyone in your family a firefighter? Who is it anyway? no. sadly

What do you usually buy when you go to the dollar store? i cant even tell you the last time i went to a dollar store.

Ever peed in the pool? Be honest! I would have been murdered lol no i dont do that. it grosses me out.

When you’re older, what kind of house do you want to live in? something on a lot of land, big front porch.

Where do you want to get married? probably a courthouse. maybe outdoors?

Do you plan on having both your parents at your wedding? no. just mom.

What is your favorite childhood TV show? recess

Honestly, do you like school? no. i looooooooooooooooooooooooove it.

Last thing that made you cry? probably dejavu.

Honestly, are you keeping a big secret right now? sort of yes.

Last person you took a walk with? liza, em, dutch, della

Have you ever liked someone who didn’t like you back? i think currently to be honest.

Who was the last person to actually pick you up in the air? lol either mario or an old friend david

Does any part of your body hurt? yeah. my muscles have been weakening sooooooo bad it is so painful.

If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to change a regret what would you do? Million bucks. noooooooooooo question.

Can you keep a secret? Sure.

Your favorite romantic movie? sleepless in seattle probs.

How do you feel about Valentine’s Day? I loved it for the longest timeeeeeeee. i dont think ill love it as much this next year, but maybe by then ill have met someone new who knows.

Who was the last person you took a picture with? uuuuuhhh probably one of my nephews/niece

Do your jeans have rips, tears, and holes in them? Some do, some dont.

Do you celebrate 420? Nope. verrrrrry much not my thing.

Have you ever kicked a vending machine? i think so lol

How do you eat Oreos? with milk.

Do you wear your shoes in the house? sometimes. my preference is slippers. we usually wear something on our feet because gram needs to and so does mom.

Would you survive in prison? probably not, tbh.

Ever been to Georgia? the state, yes. many times. the country? never.

Do you get your hair cut every month? gosh no. my dream is to get my hair done professionally again sometime, but its so daggum expensive.

Current relationship in detail. I am single. i will probably start casually dating soon.

If you were kicked out of your house, who would you call/go to? i dont even know. I always imagined I’d go to kile. but who knows now.

List things you spend money on in an average week. i can go several weeks without spending.

Rate each of your sexual partners (if any) from 1-10. ooooooohhhhhh, id rather not.

Would you parents be mad if you were in a relationship? i am convinced bill would not give a fig whether or not im in a relationship. mom, however, would probably be EEEEEEEEXXXXXXXXtra cautious now.

Think of the last person you had sex with. Do you think they’ve slept with anyone else since they last slept with you? oh im sure.

Is there someone that you believe you will always be attached to? yes. even if we don’t talk anymore... theres just always a connection.

What board games are you good at? oooo, i’m very good at board games.

Is there a sport/hobby you keep thinking about taking up, but that you’ve never quite gotten around to starting? quilting. its expensive and im not wanting to get it all cvid-y

Do you think pranks like egging/toilet-papering someone's house are funny or immature? Immature.

Do you think “sleeve tattoos” are a good idea? there are people who can pull it off, but it is notttttttttt my style.

Is there anything in particular that your parents argue about? What? debt bill put my mom in. they don’t speak tho.

Do you ever actually read the “Terms and Services” when you sign up for websites and such? the first couple years.

If you have a handheld games console (a DS or GameBoy, for example), how often do you use it? I don’t use the switch handheld, despite really wishing i could. the controllers are broken and beyond what I can afford. so I just use the tv dock.

Your phone is ringing. It’s the person you fell hardest for, what do you say? i’d pick it up 1000000000000000% , I just would be so curious what they would say.

If your best friend was kicked out, would your parents let him/her live with you? absolutely.

Are you afraid of falling in love? I am. I don’t ever again want to feel the way ive felt with my two heart breaks.

Is there anybody you wish you could be with right now? yes, but the feeling is lessening. I responded to him for the first time in... idk how long. thinking he’d be eager to talk and be responsive. he wasn’t. it just pushes me further and further from feeling those feelings.

Have you ever kissed someone & wished you didn’t? no, i dont think so.

Did you get kissed last night? goodness no.

Do you enjoy going through a carwash? I love it.

How did you get most of your scars? benny. by far.

Ever had to take an inkblot test? I have taken 2. One for a fellow student in a classroom who had to administer it for a project. another time in a psych class the prof asked me to for a demonstration

Have you ever been in trouble for something you honestly didn’t do? yep! the only time ive been grounded.

Have you ever seriously slapped someone in anger? no. I do not get physical in my anger. I withdraw.

What/who woke you up this morning? Just me.

Who was the last person to be in your bedroom besides you? My mom. dropping off ice water and benny.

What’s one of your locked text messages? I don’t even know if this phone locks messages tbh. I used to do that all the time on my t9 phones.

Have you ever finished a game of Monopoly? I think maybe 1 time.

Is there anyone you know who’s in any way paralyzed? Yes.

The truth all comes out when someone is drunk, true? I wouldn’t say alllllllll, but i do think inhibitions are lowered so it makes it easier

When was the last time you felt disappointed in yourself? messaging kile and realizing he isn’t interested in responding. makes me feel so dumb.

How about feeling disappointed in someone else? something a family member did to me this past week.

For you, do you commonly feel more jealousy or envy? ummm. lately it’s been jealousy. i dont like people taking what was mine. but i’m learning if they had access to it, that likely means that it is best to let it go. so maybe im now leaning towards envy of like beautiful relationships.

Do you rely on the heads/tails flipping of a coin sometimes for decisions? uhhh, not unless its like in a joking, light-hearted manner.

Do you have any specific chores you do around the house? when im not sick... i vacuum, dust, do dishes, wipe counters and table, do laundry of others, disinfect, etc.

For you, does comfort or fashion come first in dressing? I would say 51% comfort and 49% looking nice

Have you had two friends that absolutely hated each other? yes. lots of jealousy due to their feelings toward me.

Do you like Laffy Taffy? No. not my style of candy

Do you prefer electric or manual pencil sharpeners? manual.

Are your biceps at all noticeable? hardly.

Have you ever seen a walrus? absolutely!

Did you ever have one of those Easy Bake ovens as a kid? no. one time moms friends daughter (who was significantly older than me) lent hers to us... but there were no mixes of anything. so I didn’t know what to do with it.

Does your bathroom have a theme to it? nope.

From inside of your house, how many doors lead outside? uhhhhhhhh 3 if you dont include the garage door.

Are there a lot of trees in your yard? i wouldn’t say a lot. I wish.

Have you ever liked someone that treated you like crap? treating me like crap cuts down my interest like immediately.

Have a best friend? meh.

Does it bother you when your best friend does stuff without you? no.

Is there a secret you’ve never told your parents? yes. I dont need to concern them or worry them.

Does anyone hate you? kiles ex(?) i am sure does.

What’s the one thing you regret more than anything? hm. i dont really have any.

Do you remember important dates? yes. almost always.

What’s some lyrics from a song that means a lot to you? “what if we could put the world on hold and finally meet somewhere inside of the world? I would meet you... would you meet me?”

Who gives the best advice? mom

Who do you usually see in your dreams? :) It varies. depends on who I think about.

What type of cake did you last eat? graduation cake.

How many of your friends are gay or bisexual? I have like 4 casual friends that are, but my closest friends are all straight.

What’s your favorite type of sandwich? buona chicken one. bless it.

When was the last time someone asked you out? Did you accept or decline? tonight. I said maybe once this quarantine business is over.

Do you like The Offspring? I know a couple of songs but I definitely can’t call myself a fan. << same

One pillow or two? 12

Do you like Mad Libs? not really no.

Are you suicidal? no. I mean there are moments where I think wow, i dont want to be here. but not like let me put together a plan.

Where do your grandparents live? my fathers parents were killed by a drunk driver bout ten years ago. My mothers father passed away maybe 12 years ago. My gram is fine and lives in the room down the hall.

Do you cut yourself? not purposely

What is your pet’s name? benny and lottie.

Have you ever been to Canada? not yet.

Aren’t babies overrated? no, no. theyre expensive af though.

Have a built-in pool in your backyard? i wish more than anything but no.

Ever won yourself a stuffed animal? maybe once or twice. I one time had a guy win me an animal at a carnival and i found that sooooooooooooooooo attractive.

Ever had someone else win you a stuffed animal? woops. yes. lol

Ever been to a circus? i think when i was really little.

Ever shot animals? I have not. i couldn’t.

Do you consider yourself intelligent? I do. It is something I have some confidence in.

Have you ever run away from home? when my dad was abusive, yes.

Do you put family first, friends, relationships, school, or something else? faith, family, friends, school, relationships (only cus im not in one)

What’s something you’ve stood up for in the past? my faith.

What’s something you worked extremely hard to get? my degrees and honors.

Are you satisfied with your body image? no. I am honored to have a body that is capable of all that it is.. that has been my “home” all these years. the body that still breathes life every day, thats all incredible. I dislike having the fat that I do, as I worry it could be off putting to others. but then I realize im fine being single, so then my body imagine is fine. its a weird cycle.

Have you ever been labeled negatively or otherwise been called something extremely derogatory? yes. when I worked and a customer didnt like a policy or whatnot.

Have you ever seriously taken advantage of someone or been taken advantage of? never to my knowledge have I taken advantage of someone else seriously. I have been VERY seriously taken advantage of.

Have you ever been seriously ill? trying to get over it now tbh

Have you ever befriended a former enemy? uhhhh, not that I know of. I tend to be friendly to everyone, but I can’t think of a situation where it was an enemy.

If you’re not religious, would you ever pray as a last resort? If you are religious, do you often pray for other people? I do pray for others quite often. it’s important to me. I sometimes will see strangers and immediately start praying over them. I actually almost started my GRE late because I was praying over every person I saw in the room lol.

Have you ever dated someone, then after you dated they came out of the closet or switched (for lack of a better word) sexual orientation? no. not to my knowledge anyway.

Has a boy/girl ever walked a ridiculous distance just to see you? How about vice versa? yes! like 8 miles lol. I have not.

When was the last time you felt really uncomfortable? this past week.

Is there anything that your mom is really known for as to how she is as a person? shes everyones favorite. shes kind, funny, sarcastic, down-to-earth, warm.

Who have you been talking to the most today? mom lol

Are you nosy? I think it could be perceived as nosy but I love to make people feel ridiculously special. So I will sit and ask questions just to get them talking about themselves. If I recognize the personal questions are not working, I’ll keep it totally light.

What’s the meanest thing you have done to a friend? i really dont know.

If your ex called you crying, what would it most likely be about? if we consider kile an ex, it would probably be that he feels overwhelmed and feels alone because he doesnt have me or his ex anymore. :(

Who was the best kisser out of all the people you have kissed? ooooo thats hard to narrow down.

Have you ever been told that you have an annoying laugh? no. everyone comments on how they love when it turns wheezy.

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thezombiegeekinthehawaiianshirt · 4 years ago

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Over the weekend, President Donald Trump spent an hour on the phone with Georgia Secretary of State Brad Raffensperger (R) in an attempt to convince the state's top election official to overturn the results of the 2020 presidential election in the state. Even for Trump, it was a remarkable moment — an attempt to lean on an elections official to find more votes that would somehow alter the outcome of the election. Thanks to The Washington Post, which broke the news, the full audio of the call is available. I went through the transcript of the call and pulled out the lines you need to see. They're below.

1. "We won very substantially in Georgia. You even see it by rally size, frankly. We'd be getting 25-30,000 people a rally and the competition would get less than 100 people." Well, I'm convinced! Trump has always been entirely convinced that having large rallies = winning. Of course, even if Trump had 30,000 people at a rally, that's roughly .6% of the 4.9 million votes cast in Georgia this fall. Math! And away we go!

2. "We have at least 2 or 3 -- anywhere from 250-300,000 ballots were dropped mysteriously into the rolls. Much of that had to do with Fulton County, which hasn't been checked." I am not sure what Trump is talking about here. (This will be a running theme.) My guess is that he is equating the entirely legitimate process of early votes being tabulated and included in the statewide totals as votes being "mysteriously" dropped.

3. "We think that if you check the signatures -- a real check of the signatures going back in Fulton County you'll find at least a couple of hundred thousand of forged signatures of people who have been forged." There is zero evidence for this claim.

4. "But it's much more than the number of 11,779 that's -- The current margin is only 11,779." Fact Check: True!

5. "But you also have a substantial numbers of people, thousands and thousands who went to the voting place on November 3, were told they couldn't vote, were told they couldn't vote because a ballot had been put on their name." There's zero evidence for this claim. The closest I could find was back in September when Raffensperger announced that roughly 1,000 people had tried to double-vote.

6. "Late in the morning, they went early in the morning they went to the table with the black robe, the black shield and they pulled out the votes. Those votes were put there a number of hours before the table was put there." "It's all nonsense." -- The Washington Post

7. "They weren't in an official voter box, but they were in what looked to be suitcases or trunks, suitcases but they weren't in voter boxes. The minimum number it could be because we watched it and they watched it certified in slow motion instant replay, if you can believe it, but slow motion and it was magnified many times over and the minimum it was 18,000 ballots, all for Biden." This isn't true. (See No. 6.) Also, "slow motion instant replay"!!!!

8. "You had out-of-state voters. They voted in Georgia but they were from out of state, of 4,925. You had absentee ballots sent to vacant, they were absentee ballots sent to vacant addresses." "Every one we've been through are people that lived in Georgia, moved to a different state but then moved back to Georgia legitimately." -- Ryan Germany, lawyer for the Georgia secretary of state's office

9. "And I know you would like to get to the bottom of it, although I saw you on television today and you said that you found nothing wrong. I mean, you know, and I didn't lose the state, Brad." "I saw you on television today." -- The President of the United States

10. "People have been saying that it was the highest vote ever. There was no way. A lot of the political people said that there's no way they beat me." So, if it was "the highest vote ever," Trump couldn't have lost? Yeah, this checks out.

11. "As you know, every single state ... we won every state." Mr. President, I have the Electoral College map on line one for you.

12. "And we won the House, but we won every single state house and we won Congress, which was supposed to lose 15 seats, and they gained, I think 16 or 17 or something." Mr. President, I have Speaker Nancy Pelosi on line two for you.

13. "So dead people voted and I think the number is close to 5,000 people." There is zero evidence for this claim.

14. "The bottom line is, when you add it all up and then you start adding, you know, 300,000 fake ballots ..." It appears as though he literally just made this number up.

15. "And this may or may not ... because this just came up this morning that they are burning their ballots, that they are shredding, shredding ballots and removing equipment." NOPE!

16. "You're not the only one, I mean, we have other states that I believe will be flipping to us very shortly." Oh really? Give me a list of those states. I'll wait ...

17. "But in Detroit, we had, I think it was, 139% of the people voted. That's not too good. Turnout in Detroit was 51% of eligible voters. Which is less than 139%.

18. "In Pennsylvania, they had well over 200,000 more votes than they had people voting." [narrator voice] They didn't.

19. "But, uh, they had as an example, in Michigan, a tremendous number of dead people that voted." Nah, bro.

20. "And we won the state and we won it very substantially and easily and we're getting, we have, much of this is a very, you know they're certified, far more certified than we need." This stuff isn't just being certified. It's being "far more certified than we need." So you know it's good.

21. "But we only lost the state by that number, 11,000 votes, and 779." So, the 11 is in the thousands column, the 7 is in the hundreds column, the 7 is in the tens column and the 9 is in the ones column ...

22. "Because, what's the difference between winning the election by two votes and winning it by half a million votes. I think I probably did win it by half a million." OK, so Trump is saying that rather than losing Georgia by 11,770 votes, he won it by 500,000 votes? Man, these Georgians need to get their math straight!

23. "And they say it's not possible to have lost Georgia." Well, if "they" say it ...

24. "And the people of Georgia are angry, the people of the country are angry. And there's nothing wrong with saying, you know, um, that you've recalculated." In which the President of the United States suggest Georgia's top election official redo the results of a vote that has already been certified and validated by the state's electors. Very normal stuff!

25. "They did it in slow motion replay magnified, right?" The only thing missing here is from Trump to break out the telestrator to explain it all.

26. "Where were the poll watchers and why did they say a water main broke, which they did and which was reported in the newspapers? They said they left. They ran out because of a water main break, and there was no water main. There was nothing. There was no break." Gabriel Sterling, the voting system implementation manager, said this in December when the water main issue first appeared: "You'll see when they walk in, and they see the obvious water leak on the floor. You will see when they move all the stuff out of the way. You will see the Zamboni, little carpet-dryer thingy driving around. I mean, you can see all the things happen, you can see the table get put in place." He also said at the time that no ballots were damaged or altered, according to surveillance video footage.

27. "There's no way I lost Georgia. There's no way. We won by hundreds of thousands of votes." Yes, you've said that a few times now ...

28. "Oh this isn't social media. This is Trump media. It's not social media. It's really not, it's not social media. I don't care about social media." "I don't care about social media." -- Donald Trump, with a straight face, apparently.

29. "And they're going around playing you and laughing at you behind your back, Brad, whether you know it or not, they're laughing at you and you've taken a state that's a Republican state, and you've made it almost impossible for a Republican to win because of cheating, because they cheated like nobody's ever cheated before." This is a common Trump tactic to bend people to his viewpoint: People are laughing at you behind your back! Which is obviously something he worries a lot about for himself and thinks others do, too.

30. "And you are going to find that they are -- which is totally illegal, it is more illegal for you than it is for them because, you know what they did and you're not reporting it. That's a criminal, that's a criminal offense. And you can't let that happen. That's a big risk to you and to Ryan, your lawyer." In which Trump not-so-subtly threatens Raffensperger (and his lawyer Ryan Germany) that in defending this allegedly corrupt election they are putting themselves in some sort of legal jeopardy. Totally fine!

31. "And flipping the state is a great testament to our country because, cause you know, this is -- it's a testament that they can admit to a mistake, or whatever you want to call it." Oh, so overturning a certified election result is actually a good thing for our country because it, uh, shows we can admit we made a mistake?

32. "But I mean, all of this stuff is very dangerous stuff. When you talk about no criminality, I think it's very dangerous for you to say that." This feels very ominous from Trump. Very.

33. "But, but I'm just curious why wouldn't, why do you keep fighting this thing? It just doesn't make sense. We're way over the 17,779, right?" First of all, the margin is 11,779. Second, the reason the election officials "keep fighting this thing" is because you don't get to overturn an election just because you didn't like the result.

34. "Because you guys are so wrong. And you treated this. You treated the population of Georgia so badly. You, between you and your governor, who was down at 21, he was down 21 points. And like a schmuck, I endorsed him and he got elected, but I will tell you, he is a disaster." "[Brian Kemp is] an incredible fighter and tireless champion for the people and values of Georgia." -- Donald Trump, November 2018

35. "And you would be respected. Really respected, if this thing could be straightened out before the election." Another classic Trump persuasion ploy: If only you would overturn this election, people in Georgia would love you! They would respect you!

36. "They don't want to vote. They hate the state, they hate the governor and they hate the secretary of state. I will tell you that right now. The only people like you are people that will never vote for you." Trump suggest here that if Republicans lose the two Senate runoffs on Tuesday it's because of Raffensperger's refusal to give the state to Trump. Which, uh, well, OK.

37. "And the real truth is I won by 400,000 votes. At least. That's the real truth. But we don't need 400,000. We need less than 2,000 votes." I thought he need 11,779 votes +1? Now it's 2,000. How? Why? Yeah, this feels like a good place to end.

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jonesywrites · 7 years ago

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Hey, I love your writing! I think I've consumed everything at this point. Do you have any favorite stories you can recommend? I may have blasted through all the fic updates of my own faves and just looking to see if people are reading stuff I might have missed. Looking forward to your next updates! No pressure!

Anon!

First, I am so very sorry it’s taken me so damn long to answer this.

I actually did answer it - I wrote a very long, very beautifully gif’d post and then accidentally scrolled left on this stupid macbook and I lost the entire fucking thing and I wanted to throw my laptop out of the window.

::calming breaths::

Let us pray that doesn’t happen again this time (I am a klutz, so it’s a definite possibility). Secondly, I decided that now is the perfect time to recreate this answer because a) there are some goddamned talented ass writers out there killing the game rn, b) there are also haters out there trying to steal our joy rn and not only is it not going to work, I think now is a good time to spread the love as far and wide through Richonne as possible, so reblog the shit out of this and get reading if you haven’t already and c) I don’t have time to write the way I want at the moment so I hope this makes up for it.

I also really really need a list I can return to b/c I signed up to read a lot and am still verrry slowly getting through it.

So! Here goes…

Current Favorite Richonne fics…!

1. Round After Round by @nattah-gudgrrl

ZA Canon - Rick and Michonne after 6x10, being domestic and sexy af, round after round.

Holy crap, Anon. I was hooked from the first few words. I’m not finished yet, but this is incredibly sexy and beautifully well-written. Nattah’s writing is hypnotic and poetic. She drops precious gems throughout each chapter with her words, the way she phrases things is so original and addictive. Rick and Michonne are pitch perfect, but so is everyone else (and she’s hilarious, btw). She includes music to score her amazing writing, and trust me, listening to her suggested tracks while reading will only suck you deeper into the tantalizing atmosphere she’s created with these two. AND THE SMUT. HOLY SHIT. Prepare yourself. I love opening up to a chapter and letting myself fall. I almost feel like I need to smoke a joint, turn out the lights, and close my door reading this, no joke. (no seriously, i’m not joking, be alone b/c you will feel thangs down there)

2. Musings of Rick Grimes by @nyese3529

NonZA AU - Rick as a NYC photographer slowly falling head over heels for a charismatic college student Michonne as she becomes his muse.

OKAY. I’m not sure anything I say here will do this amazing piece of fanfiction justice. I’m not even caught up, but the chapters I have read so far are PURE FIRE. Nyese is a master at unfolding a real, atmospheric, moody, sexy, intense, and totally riveting Rick and Michonne for us to fall in love with from the start. Rick’s attraction to Michonne leaps off the page, as does she. She is so damn cute and sexy and seeing her through Rick’s eyes the way Nyese has written them is just to die for. Nyese also NAILS New York City life, especially as a southern transplant and artist (I feel you Rick) AND as a young, gifted black woman looking to make a difference while everyone else covets her light (I feel you Michonne). It’s a beautiful read, and I encourage you to ASAP. The smut is off the chain, as in every fucking moment of it had me squirming around wishing I had me a Rick Grimes here in NYC damn you Nyese you’ve ruined me!

3. The Art of Control by @avintagekiss24

NonZA AU - Rick as a sexy, wealthy contractor Dom and Michonne the comic book shop/cafe owner as his sub in Atlanta (bonus: featuring probably the best version of Maggie I have ever read)

GOTDAMN. Let me tell you something. THIS IS THE SEXIEST RICK GRIMES OF ALL TIME FOR ME. Every fucking word Miss Kiss wrote for him to utter had my panties wet and my brow sweating, do you hear me? This fic is hot as fuck. Even before Rick Grimes shows up in the story, I was feeling hot and bothered about his mere existence, just like Michonne. The way Miss Kiss writes the buildup throughout their relationship is simply riveting. She’s a very visual writer, just like Nyese, so I can see, taste, feel, and ground myself in this stunning world of money, undeniable attraction and absolutely delicious sex. AND DID I MENTION HER MAGGIE IS SEXY AF, FUNNY AF, NAUGHTY AF, AND GODDAMN IT I WOULD SO BE HER PLAYTHING?? The plot is really good, too, like really good. Screw 50 Shades of Garbage. Miss Kiss’s sub!Michonne and Dom!Rick Grimes are what you want, what you need, what you deserve. Go forth, and savor every moment of this. In fact, I need to catch up, myself. Hell yeah.

4. Sirens of the ZA, by @isisnicole

ZA AU - Michonne and her two sisters, fierce, trained fighters, find and protect Carl. Richonne begins to develop once Carl is finally reunited with Rick three years later.

Sigh, I love this fic. Miss Isis hooked me with her stellar opening, and the plot just got more and more compelling the more I read. Carl is still very Carl, but he’s got that “loved, protected, and taught to survive by three amazing black women” vibe to him that makes my heart melt. Ila, Luna, and especially Michonne are just everything in this. EVERYTHING. Their relationship is tight af, they keep it real, they are badass warriors (trained, medal-winning warriors, mind) and even though your heart yearns for Rick and Carl to reunite and for Richonne to soar, you cannot help but fall in love with the family dynamic that Miss Isis has written for them with Carl. The tension between Rick and Michonne is even more intense in this than in canon when they first meet, I’d say, but deliciously so. And once they both start to realize the business, it’s time to pull out the popcorn because the buildup is sooooo good. And did I mention an alive Shane and Merle, also written so well you kinda sorta forget they didn’t make it in canon? Yeah. Read this.

5. Red Dirt Road by @siancore

NonZA AU - Young!Richonne in southern af King County, Georgia, teenagers that fall in love one summer along a red, dirt road.

Honestly, this fic is just perfect. The world is real. I can smell the dirt. I can feel the heat. Rick in this is juuuuuuuust….! He’s everything we think of when we think of a teenaged Rick (but not underage of course). Kind, responsible, stoic, patient, respectful, and sexy. Michonne is a vessel for us all, transporting us back in time to when we went to our grandmama’s house and she bossed us while loving us like nobody else could. The whole gang is there and they’re all written to perfection, especially Shane. He’s as shady and selfish and yet completely charismatic as you’d expect a young Shane to be. The story is so sweet and the pacing is comfortable, fun, and easy, just like those summers we spent messing around with our friends, falling in love, learning to drive, staying out after curfew. I adore Sian’s writing and this is by far my all-time favorite of hers right now. It’s a must, must read!

To Continue Reading, So Help Me…!

1. HALO, by leeeel

Holy smokes. I have only read chapter one so far and it is absolutely amazing. AMAZING. I reeeeaalllyy need to get back into this one. Rick and Michonne meet under dire circumstances, and the mystery begins. The writing transports you, and I actually got chills reading this. CHILLS.

2. Deception by @severelybabykryptonite

YO. I HIGH KEY LOVE “THE BODYGUARD” AND THIS IS THE RICHONNE VERSION AND IT IS EVERYTHING. Rick as a no-nonsense bodyguard to Michonne’s sexy, vulnerable star is a dream come true. I really need to catch up on this one, it’s just so good and it’s visual and it makes my geeky movie+Richonne loving heart soar.

3. The Day I Met You, by @chezza3009

I almost don’t know how to describe this one. It’s dark. It’s riveting. It’s nothing like I’ve ever read in Richonne before. Rick and Michonne in the aftermath of an affair that leaves Michonne devastated and Rick a mess. I don’t recognize this version of Michonne or Rick, but then I need to continue reading. What I’ve read so far makes me very, very intrigued by this story. And it shall have my undivided attention ASAP.

4. The Beginning, by @vegasloversteel

Once again, Vegaslover has an uncanny ability to hook you with great story telling, dialogue that flows like “how is she doing this??” and chemistry between Rick and Michonne that vibrates off the page. Richonne is hot hot hot in this. Set in their college years with a great plot and fun with all your faves. Gotta catch up!

5. Palm Trees, by @cake-by-thepound

I AM SO UPSET I CANNOT PARTICIPATE IN ANY OF THE JUICY FIC TALK GOING ON ABOUT THIS STORY RN. Arrrrgggh the spoilers I’ve seen alone are killing me not so softly. I just loooove the way Cake writes Richonne’s worlds. Rich, grounded, dramatic but in a real, honest-to-goodness “that could totally happen to me” way that makes me want to stand up and cheer. I know this is going to be a beautiful ride, so far everything I’ve read is perfection, as usual, so I’m really looking forward to the day I am finally caught up and I can (too late, of course) dip into the forums and be like “GURL. BUT CAN WE TALK ABOUT THAT PART WHEN…”

You Thought I Was Done? LOL.

These are the stories I haven’t gotten to yet, but that are also on my list. I’ve heard nothing but good things and I am hoping to get to them soon!

Right Where We’re Supposed to Be by @tigerwalk3 - I’ve read her mini-fic Sparklers and I cannot wait to dive into this one. Her characterization alone is amazing, and the way she puts phrases and details together makes me low key jealous.

Honey Bees by @cranesinthe-sky - I don’t get enough Michonne and Judith in my fandom diet and I’ve heard some really awesome things about this one. I’ve heard nothing but praise for Lady Cranes’ writing, so I’m excited!

The TWD Chronicles by @yellehughes - I read Yelle’s Richonne Secret Fantasy fic and loved it, and I actually feel rather ashamed that I haven’t gone back to dive into this epic Olympian take on Richonne!! Allow me to correct this, with the quickness.

The Hunter of Screams, by @codename-me - I started this, and holy crap is it amazing so far. Like me, Lady Codename has a thing for sci-fi and fantasy, and her writing is rich and detailed and visual, which totally turns me on.

The End of Wanting, by @glowysweetfab - I have started this, and love this period AU, it’s immersive and the plot is so interesting I’m not even all that fussed to get to the romance bits (well that’s a lie, of course I’m trolling for smut but I’m really enjoying the ride).

Honestly, there are so many more stories I have favorited/followed that it would take me all night to list them all here. But I will do more posts like these as I finish fics and move on to others, it’s important to me to show the same support for all of these amazingly talented writers that they have shown to me, and to spread as much positivity as possible because they deserve it.

This fandom is chock a block full of major talent, huge hearts, astonishing intellect, and abundant passion. No one can deny that, and anyone who does is lying.

READ AND WRITE ON, RICHONNERS!!!!

Thanks for the ask, Anon!

-Kendra

P.S. I promise I will get back to updating as soon as I can. I’m in the middle of preparing myself to move across the country and transition to a new career. But my beloved fics are always on my mind, and boy do I have such glorious Richonne in store for you! Thanks for sticking with me! I promise you won’t regret adding a few of these ladies to your reading list, either, if you haven’t already.

#richonne #fic rec #fanfiction #kendrawriter reads very slowly she is sorry that she's such a weirdo #updates #rick grimes #michonne #smut #plot #damn good writing #asked #answered

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cathygeha · 5 years ago

Photo

REVIEW

A Highlander Walks into a Bar by Laura Trentham

Highland, Georgia #1 Laura Trentham is an author I know will deliver a great story whenever I find a book to read that she has written. Being asked to participate in the blog tour of this first book in a new series was a special treat. I read the first book quickly and am eager for the next. Isabel “Izzy” Buchanan picks her mother up from the airport and her mother says she has a surprise. Izzy was a bit taken aback that the surprise was a man her mother “picked up” in Scotland. Gareth has a charming brogue and is a nice man but he is NOT her father. When Alasdair Blackmoor arrives, to check up on his uncle, Gareth, his brogue is equally intriguing. Izzy doesn't trust either of the men and Alasdair has similar thoughts regarding Izzy and her mother, Rose. Rose and Isabel are in the midst of putting on the annual Highland Games and both Gareth and Alasdair will be there for the festivities. Throw in some romance, some secrets, a company with dastardly intentions, a small supportive community, a hunk of a farmer guy with his eye on Isabel (hope he gets a story in this series) and a few others and this book was all that I hoped it would be. I can’t wait for the next book that will probably star friends of both Alasdair and Izzy – and the couple will definitely meet in – Highland, Georgia. Thank you to NetGalley and St. Martin’s Paperbacks for the ARC – This is my honest review. 5 Stars

Buy-book link: https://us.macmillan.com/books/9781250315021

BLURB

The timeless romance, soaring passion—and gorgeous men—of Scotland comes to modern-day America. And the rules of love will never be the same…

Isabel Buchanan is fiery, funny, and never at a loss for words. But she is struck speechless when her mother returns from a trip to Scotland with a six-foot-tall, very handsome souvenir. Izzy’s mother is so infatuated by the fellow that Izzy has to plan their annual Highland Games all by herself. Well, not completely by herself. The Highlander’s strapping young nephew has come looking for his uncle…

Alasdair Blackmoor has never seen a place as friendly as this small Georgia town—or a girl as brilliant and beguiling as Izzy. Instead of saving his uncle, who seems to be having a lovely time, Alasdair decides he’d rather help Izzy with the Highland Games. Show her how to dance like a Highlander. Drink like a Highlander. And maybe, just maybe, fall in love with a Highlander. But when the games are over, where do they go from here?

EXCERPT

Chapter One

“I brought home a surprise!” Rose Buchanan threw her arms out wide as if embracing the world. From the sto- ries she told to the way she entered the room, Rose was exuberant and entertaining and enjoyed being the center of attention.

Isabel Buchanan, who was perfectly content on the fringes, pushed her wavy hair off her sticky forehead with hands that trembled from the nightmare drive through At- lanta to the airport to pick up her mom. Her mom’s trip to Scotland had doubled as both research and vacation. The jammed stop-and-go traffic had left Izzy flustered and al- ready dreading their exit from the airport.

Rolling her stiff shoulders, Izzy stepped around the bumper of the car, popping the trunk open on the way. Her mom had a beautiful plaid scarf of greens and browns and blues tossed over her shoulder and what appeared to be new earrings. Either purchase might inspire her mother to gush, and she would expect reciprocal gushing from Izzy. Making an educated guess, Izzy asked, “Are those ear-

rings your surprise?”

Without waiting for an answer, she hauled one of her mom’s giant wheeled suitcases closer and prepared to

2 laura trentham

heave it into the back. The sooner they got out of Atlanta, the sooner she could get back to work planning the High- land festival. Or she might pour an extra-large glass of wine and escape into a book. A guilty pleasure, consider- ing how much she still had to get in order in three scant weeks.

“Allow me, please.” A bearded man who had been roll- ing cases to the curb stepped forward with a grin and an accent Izzy couldn’t place.

She checked her pockets and winced. No cash to tip the man, and no hope her mom had thought of something so inconsequential.

“Do you like them? They’re hammered silver.” Her mom flipped her bobbed matching silver hair to the side and displayed one earring with her fingers. “And as a matter of fact, I did buy them from a lovely shop in Edin- burgh, but I brought something bigger home. Something more exciting.”

“Your scarf? It’s lovely.” Izzy gave her mom limited attention while she watched the man load suitcase after suitcase into her trunk, fitting them together like a puzzle. More luggage than her mom had left with. She waved to catch the man’s attention. “Hang on. That’s not all my mom’s stuff.”

For the first time, Izzy really looked at the man. He was close to her mom in age, and good-looking in a bear- like way with a gleaming white smile highlighted by a salt-and-pepper beard. His full head of hair was a shade darker, but graying heavily at the temples. The expres- sion on the man’s face when he looked in her mom’s direction—a mix of adoration and amusement—cleared the fog of confusion.

Lord have mercy, her mother had brought back a six- foot, two-hundred-pound-plus souvenir from Scotland.

AUTHOR BIO

Laura Trentham is an award-winning author of contemporary and historical romance, including Then He Kissed Me and The Military Wife. She is a member of RWA, and has been a finalist multiple times in the Golden Heart competition. A chemical engineer by training and a lover of books by nature, she lives in South Carolina.

Q&A A HIGHLANDER WALKS INTO A BAR

What inspired you to write A Highlander Walks into a Bar?

It was actually a Buick car commercial from a couple of years ago where a grandson picks his grandmother up from the airport and she says saucily, “I did a lot of shopping in Italy.” From behind her luggage steps an Italian gentleman. Of course, my writer brain kept picturing what happened after the three of drove off and twisted it into an entire story but had to make up a town for them to return to!

Another big inspiration is a real-life place: Helen, Georgia, is a town that has transformed itself into a German village. It’s picturesque and they celebrate Octoberfest every year. I twisted that concept and made my little town of Highland, Georgia, into a Scottish village including an annual Highland Games that the Buchanan ladies put on every summer which is an important aspect of the book.

Introduce us to your main characters!

Isabel Buchanan is the daughter who picks her mother up from the airport only to be surprised by the appearance of Gareth Blackmoor, who happens to be keeping his title of Earl of Cairndow a secret from everyone in Highland, Georgia, including Rose Buchanan, Isabel’s mother.

Alasdair Blackmoor is Gareth’s nephew and heir to the title and castle in Scotland. He’s been sent to round up his wandering uncle and to make sure he isn’t being taken advantage of by some pushy American women. Complications ensue, including love (of course!)

Lots of aspiring authors out there. Any advice for them?

To become a better writer, you must write. Sounds simple, but I know so many aspiring authors who get stuck in their own head. They plot and make inspiration boards and talk about writing, but when the fingers hit the keyboard, they get mired in doubts. Just get the words down. They don’t have to be perfect; they don’t even have to be good, but you can’t fix a blank page!

How is A Highlander Walks into a Bar different from your other books?

While it’s still a Southern small town romance, it has a definite rom-com vibe. Expect low angst and lots of laughs! I love to read reviews where they reader has literally laughed out loud at several points.

I know asking someone’s all-time favorite book is a loaded question so what’s your current favorite read?

Two series I have loved lately are Katherine Arden’s Winternight Trilogy (a fantasy retelling weaving medieval Russian history and folklore) and Deanna Raybourn’s Veronica Speedwell’s mysteries (a Victorian butterfly hunter teams up with a taxidermist to solve mysteries. I mean, seriously, how can you beat that combo?!)

Alright, the ultimate question: why should we read your book?

If you need a pick-me-up, good-time, laugh-out-loud book, then read A Highlander Walks into a Bar!

Favorite quote or scene you wrote in A Highlander Walks into a Bar?

As the woman continued to stare at him as if he were the bearer of the bubonic plague, his smile faltered. He stuck out a hand. “I’m Alasdair Blackmoor.”

Although he registered a split-second hesitation on her part, she took his hand. “Isabel Buchanan.”

Her handshake was firm and no-nonsense, but her palm was soft and her hand small in his. On closer inspection, her eyes striated into all different shades of brown and amber, and freckles dusted her cheeks. He hung on to her hand for too long, but couldn’t seem to pry himself away.

Breaking the spell, she wrested her hand from his, pulling it into a fist. Was she planning on throat-punching him? He rubbed his neck and took a step back, out of the radius of her magnetic energy, and her reach. On her approach, she’d seemed birdlike, insignificant even, but up close, he was having a hard time not staring like a first-class prat.

He was punch-drunk with exhaustion. It was the only logical explanation.

She stuck her hands into the back pockets of her jeans, stretching her red V-neck T-shirt tight. His gaze dipped instinctively and then stuck around to read the print on the pocket over the soft curve of her left breast: Highland. The Heart of Scotland in the Blue Ridge.

She cleared her throat. His gaze shot to hers, and he blinked to try to refocus his thoughts. “I was admiring . . . I mean, reading your shirt.”

“It’s not a novel.”

His face heated. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d blushed this hot and fierce.

What inspired you to become a writer?

I’ve always been (and still am) a huge reader. My youngest child started preschool and I wasn’t ready to go back to work in what I’m trained for (chemical engineering) so I sat down one morning and started writing a book. I didn’t tell anyone what I was doing until I was around halfway done and loving every minute! That book became a Golden Heart finalist, got me an agent, and is published as An Indecent Invitation, a Regency historical.

What is a typical writing day like?

During the school year, I work while the kids are in school. I love the flexibility of being there to pick my kids up and drive them to soccer or gymnastics or chaperoning field trips, etc.

Do you have any interesting writing quirks or habits?

My only habit is a bad one in that I drink *way* too much coffee while I’m writing! It’s become a ritual, I suppose.

What has been one of the most surprising things you’ve learned as a published author?

How slow the industry can move, but also how quickly changes have come because of indie publishing.

Can you tell us about what’s coming up next after this for you writing wise?

For my contemporary fans, I have my second women’s fiction releasing early February 2020, An Everyday Hero. The second book in the Highland, Georgia, series, A Highlander in a Pickup, releases late February 2020.

For my historical romance fans, look out for A Wicked Wedding in the Once Upon a Christmas Wedding anthology releasing in October 2019. And two more full length books in the Spies and Lovers series, A Sinful Surrender and A Daring Deception, coming sometimes in mid to late 2020!

How can readers connect with you online?

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/AuthorLauraTrentham

Or join my reader group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/1733284316920632/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/LauraTrentham

Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/lauratrentham/

Follow me on Bookbub for new release or sale announcements: https://www.bookbub.com/authors/laura-trentham

#Laura Trentham #Highland Georgia 1 #NetGalley #St. Martin's Paperbacks #Contemporary Romance

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mitesandmen · 5 years ago

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7/9 - Pulling the Thread

474 miles from home

A rooster announced the morning from about five feet behind my head. Must be the “sounds of nature” the park owner warned me about. My avian herald was evidently a bit of an over achiever, since it was just before 3:30 am. Of course, there’s the familiar panic of waking up out of strange dreams in a new place and forgetting how you came to be there. The sudden realization of “in a tent in a desert in Northern California” creates more anxiety than it dispels. I was able to sleep lightly in the intermissions between the rooster’s calls. But when his dead-beat neighbor came loudly onto the scene around 5 am, I really lost my determination. Before long it was a full-on auditory showdown, trading solos of ever-mounting volume and ornamentation. By about 8 am they had even learned to harmonize.

Russel’s yards were just outside Orland, in the hinterlands of the endless orchard. I spent the rest of the morning exploring the perfectly straight, unpainted roads between rows of almonds. Not a soul in sight. I’m still refining my mite collection techniques. More water, fewer bees, longer shakes. Each sample costs the lives of about one hundred bees, so I do my best to make their sacrifice count. Russel runs a tight operation, but he intentionally sent me to out-of-the-way and neglected yards so I could stir up as many mites as possible.

I’ve heard Californian bees are exceptionally mean and largely Africanized. I’ve had more than my share of stings from African honeybees, so I approached the first hive gingerly with an escape strategy in mind. To my relief and surprise, these bees seem to be among the most docile I’ve ever worked. I happily bounced from yard to yard all day, only incurring a few stings as the day grew hotter and the bees moodier.

During lunch, I finally made contact with an urban beekeeper in Santa Cruz who Russel had recommended to me. A few minutes later I had a meeting set up and a couch to crash on in the hills. Looks like I’ll keep pulling this thread until luck or the kindness of strangers runs out. However, this far I’ve only found them in excess.

Using a new phone number from Russel, I got in touch with Moe and arranged to meet him near a peacock farm at a shop outside of town. All the way south to Willows I barely left the boundless rows of trees, only catching brief glimpses at the impossibly far mountains that make up the border of California’s incredible central valley.

Moe runs a much smaller crew than Russel. Just himself, his oldest son, and one employee holding down around 1000 hives. Moe’s main business is queens and packages, so his yards are full of specialty boxes that cater to the honeybee’s unusual sex life. There are hives for constructing queen cells that must be carefully inseminated and plucked before reaching maturity. The cells are then inserted into tiny breeding hives, with attendants and honey to pamper the emerging queen as she prepares for her maiden voyage. She’ll take one intrepid journey from the hive and mate with as many male bees as possible. The drones too are provided by the beekeeper, from specialty drone-rearing hives harboring a select genetic line as to avoid inbreeding. Supplied with enough sperm to last a lifetime, the queen returns to her hive to begin laying. Once they find she’s producing fertilized offspring, the beekeeper will capture and cage her to be sold or inserted into an existing hive to succeed or usurp its old queen. She’ll likely spend the rest of her days in that box, laying countless eggs and being endlessly papered. The whole process is a lot for three guys to manage.

As I collected samples from his yards, Moe elected to stick around and chat. He speaks softly and directly and seems to carefully consider his words. His eyes are sharp, and he seems to gather everything he needs to from a single glance. Moe started life in Indonesia (where, interestingly, Varroa is a native and benign parasite on the Asian relative of our honeybee). He eventually decided to move to Ontario (of all places) to pursue his beekeeping passion, and where he could net an astounding 400lbs of honey per hive each season. Despite the commercial success, the transition from a tropical paradise to ten weeks of winter proved too much, so he decided to try his luck in California.

When it comes to mites, Moe believes in the Cycle. Not the life cycle (as I initially misunderstood), but the greater Natural Cycle. While they’re currently wreaking havoc, he believes they will eventually come to balance with bees and pose a much smaller threat. There is, to my knowledge, some sound evolutionary theory to back this up. Parasites have a huge incentive not to kill their hosts, as they’d quickly lose their homes and livelihoods. Most morbid diseases are accidental switches from one host to another with deadly consequences for parasite and host alike (Swine Flu or HIV for us humans). However, if the species survives the transition, things will tend towards equilibrium as less virulent parasites propagate more freely than those who decimate host populations, and hosts evolve new ways of staying healthy. Broadly, this reminds me of the Red Queen Hypothesis named for the nonsensical character of Alice fame, who instructs “it takes all the running you can do just to stay in the same place.” This is the nature of equilibrium between parasites and hosts. Every organism most constantly evolve to thwart its parasites, which constantly evolve new plots of their own. In the world of bees, Varroa is allowed to breed freely (and only the nastiest, most durable strains survive thanks to constant chemical treatment), while the honeybee’s gene pool springs from only a few select sources (breeders like Moe) in Georgia, California, and Hawaii. If the bee isn’t allowed to evolve alongside Varroa, how is it meant to keep up in the perpetual race? Can the balance we hope for ever be achieved?

As we finished up in the last yard, Moe put me in touch with another bay area beekeeper, and a friend in Montana--where I’ll finish out July in the field. Upon learning that I’m planning on living out of my car for this journey, he also offered to let me sleep in his spare RV back in Willows. I’m incredibly thankful to be shown so much kindness in this journey.

I imagine my southward trajectory connecting the dots between gracious and unique people. Kind hearted, thoughtful, quick with a joke, and full of ideas. This is what I’ve come to know about beekeepers.

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jpy693en-blog · 5 years ago

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I got into a car accident a few days ago but i have no license or there was no insurance on the car?

My name is Jon the other day I went to DMV to get my id because I had just previously lost my other one on my way home from DMV I got to my house there was a truck in front of me and by the looks I was clear to turn as soon as I turned this lady was flying and instead of avoiding me she swerved my way and flipped me now I m not serverly injured but out of the two of us I m the only one who went to the hospital what i guess I m really trying to ask if I can sue her even if I m not severely injured but got pain

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Jonah Hill joins the Five-Timers Club on a uniformly funny Saturday Night Live

Tina Fey, Jonah Hill, Candice Bergen, Drew BarrymoreScreenshot: Saturday Night Live

“I guess the worst part of the play was their confidence in it.”

“I’m not an actor, I’m a [movie, Netflix, directing] star!

It’s be nice to think that Jonah Hill has fully stepped out of his pigeonhole at this point. A couple of Oscar nominations, co-lead in an hit Netflix series, writer-director of a promising new coming-of-age movie, Hill has emerged from the Apatow star factory still straddling the line between serious artist and broad comedy movie star. (Sort of like James Franco, except that people actually seem to like Hill’s directorial debut and no one—as of this writing—has accused Hill of being a sex creep.)

That dichotomy showed up in Hill’s monologue, as SNL legend Tina Fey ushered new Five-Timers Club member Hill into the selective lounge set, where fellow FTC members Candice Bergen and Drew Barrymore celebrated his entry by showing an old sketch where Hill’s character admits to doing some serious damage to a toilet. Protesting that he does more than toilet humor now (“But that’s where you shined!,” enthuses Bergen), the disappointed Hill can only endure an all-ladies Five-Timers welcome, since, according to Fey, Bergen, and Barrymore, all the male members have turned out to be, well, sex creeps. (Steve Martin will just play his banjo “without consent.”)

Saturday Night LiveSeason 44

Fitted with the coveted FTC smoking jacket, Hill is disappointed to find that the new female leadership has refashioned it into something like a kicky boldero number. It’s a neat little way to incorporate Hill’s evolving comic persona while still trading on the downtrodden victim vibe he carries with him, especially once Kenan pops in to remind everyone that his record-breaking seniority carries its own privileges. “This is my show. I let you in here sometimes,” he responds to Hill questioning his presence in the Five-Timers lounge.

Over at Vulture, AV Clubber Jesse Hassenger recently did a ranking of the relatively rare phenomenon of SNL hosts’ recurring characters, and placed Hill’s Borscht Belt six-year-old Adam Grossman near the top. I get it. For one, the field isn’t exactly littered with gold (glad I’m not the only one sick of the Omletteville guy), with most of the bits weathering even faster than those done by the actual cast. But Grossman keeps working as well as he does because of a character throughline, as the garrulous little guy keeps tossing out his inexplicable Catskills schtick to his unlikely Benihana co-diners alongside a series of guardians indicating the unstable family life that’s somehow spawned such a weird creature. Here it’s forbearing nanny Leslie Jones, sighing deeply as she weathers Adam’s insult comic “I’m just kidding” one-liners as Grossman attempts to puncture any tension his borderline racist material generates by proclaiming his age (complete with specific and funny awkward hand gestures). It’s never been my favorite sketch, but Hill (who created the bit alongside Bill Hader and Seth Meyers, based on a bafflingly tracksuited child diner Hader once sat with) is into it, and he suggests the merest hints of the defensive mechanisms that are powering Adam’s transformation into a hacky joke machine, which always lends just enough shadings to the idea. Leslie kept breaking, but, then again, so did I.

Weekend Update update

There was a certain elegance to the way SNL kept weaving themes through its political material tonight, with jokes about Trump’s “caravan of scary brown people” terror tactics, and the importance of voting on Tuesday reinforcing each other throughout. Jost and Che were on, each landing their material confidently. On the caravan (of desperate asylum seekers that are a thousand miles away), Jost noted how Trump’s sweatily named “Operation Faithful Patriot” (where American troops are needlessly stringing barbed wire for a piece of election eve fear-mongering theater) sounds like a company that makes “reverse mortgages and catheters.” (Fox News commercial viewers get that.) Che followed up on the race-baiting scare tactics by urging that the old white people being hyped about the looming but nonexistent threat should be more worried about the less-easily-scapegoated specter of their grandkids stealing their pain pills.

On the election front, Che continued his role as Update’s resident “slow your roll” skeptic, confessing that, while he does intend to vote (on Tuesday, November 6, kids), he’s not going to buy into any “final notice for democracy” panic. Joking that, if final notices were actually final, his college debts would actually be paid, Che, as ever, positions himself for the long view, an edgy place to be in a time of national crisis (see, there’s that panic), but one consistent with his stance as a (black) guy who’s been living in a dangerous situation his entire life. For Jost (white guy), the jokes were less pointed, but not bad, as he noted that things are pretty dire when ice cream is taking a side, and that it has to be a complicated feeling when Oprah knocks on your door, only to present you with a pamphlet about Georgia governor candidate Stacey Abrams instead of a new car.

Pete Davidson has become such a strange star on SNL, his very public statements about his battles with mental health and substance abuse and the recent ongoing saga of his tabloid-fodder relationship with now-ex Ariana Grande have made Davidson more of a personality star than anyone I can think of in SNL history. Pete’s never been the most polished sketch guy (although he’s improved), and his Update pieces as himself have always been his best showcase, especially since he’s sharpened up his material beyond the adorable stoner little brother schtick he started out with. Here, with newly-dyed hair and the elephant of his recent, much-publicized breakup hanging over his head, Davidson delivered a solid series of political takedowns in advance of the Tuesday midterm elections. Sure, they were all cheeky appearance smack (NY Republican Peter King looks like “a cigar came to life,” Florida candidate Rick Scott looks like “if someone tried to whittle Bruce Willis out of a penis”), but, for a young comic staking out political material for the first time in his life, it’s funny stuff. And since SNL has made hay all season long about Davidson’s rising media profile, his genuinely sweet and decent-sounding appraisal of ex Grande was both de rigeur and unexpectedly touching.

Melissa Villaseñor made the leap to the main cast this year, but hasn’t had much opportunity to show off her mimicry skills or her comic chops much on the young season. So, taking a page out of Heidi Gardner’s playbook, she debuted a specifically targeted character piece on Update, with her “Every Teen Girl Murder Suspect on Law & Order.” Honestly, it’s such a specific Gardner niche at this point that I was surprised to see Villaseñor in the chair, but Melissa did fine, as her Brittany—ostensibly there to talk about young adult literature—squirmed and equivocated about what happened to her friend Logan at that “big alcohol party.” Not to harp on the comparison, but Brittany wasn’t as immediately memorable as any of Gardner’s similar turns, even if Villaseñor delivered on the premise with a uniformly strong performance.

Just when I think I’m tired of Kenan Thompson’s Big Papi, he pulls me back in. It helps that there’s a reason for his appearance tonight, as, you know, the Red Sox won the World Series again. (That’s, like, what, four in 15 years, right? Huh. Cool.) Petty sports partisanship aside, Kenan’s performance as retired and beloved Boston slugger David Ortiz has never been the problem. Kenan’s Ortiz, with his nonsensical endorsements, gap-toothed ebullience, and food obsession, is an all-time belly laugh, his infectious enthusiasm for baseball, food, his spokesman deal for the concept of spokes, and simply being Big Papi is impossible to hate. (Presumably even for Yankees fans, whose team got clobbered in the ALDS 3-1, including a humiliating 61-1 loss on their home diamond.) But the jokes don’t change much (as in, at all). Thankfully, it’s been a while, the Sox won the series, and it was nice to see the big lug again. Mofongo all around.

Best/worst sketch of the night

Look, some of you are going to clamor for a “worst” tag on Kate McKinnon’s teacher sketch. You’ll point to both its unexplained weirdness and its languorous pace, and how it never quite announces its authority as something that should appear as early in the show as it did. Well, shush. This was great stuff, not as much for the sketch itself (it really could have used more writing punch to match McKinnon’s performance), as for how it represents the sort of oddball conceptual idea Saturday Night Live desperately needs to encourage. The premise of someone acting weird while other people comment on it is hardly new SNL territory, but, as McKinnon’s overly dramatic drivers ed teacher sprawls on the classroom floor and rambles on about her predicament and its meaning, it was like a cool drink to realize that the sketch wasn’t going to go out of its way to hammer the premise home with explanations for the slowest possible viewer. It was just weird for weird’s sake, and McKinnon, accusing her charges at laughing at her “like this was some episode of Friend,” worked within the framework of the sketch to craft an enigmatically loopy character whose comic integrity isn’t over-explained. There is room on SNL for a lot more shades of humor than its current template generally allows.

This week’s branded content sketch, on the other hand, was pretty unnecessary, even if some of the performances livened it up a little, as another NBC property got some free advertising. Not watching interminably long-running televised talent shows as a rule, I’m not particularly invested in how the celebrity judges were impersonated here (although Kyle Mooney’s perpetually amazed Howie Mandel got a laugh). But at least the joke that there are only a very few possible narratives to every contestant’s journey on such shows took the piss a bit, and Cecily Strong, Kenan and Leslie, and Jonah Hill all sang their hearts out as the contestants who are probably terrible—but then are shockingly not terrible!

Also not terrible but not that surprising was the newscast sketch, where Cecily Strong’s weatherperson is nonplussed by boyfriend Hill’s decidedly unwelcome on-air proposal. Hill manages to create a nicely realized character is his unimpressive suitor, unwisely wearing a green shirt in front of Strong’s green screen and even more unwisely busting out a proposal rap. And the bit even has a decent turn, when Strong reveals that her refusal was only because she’d planned an elaborate on-air proposal of her own. I kept waiting for the reveal that Strong’s too-perfect twist was only in the downtrodden Hill’s head, but the sketch decided to let the improbable duo have their happy ending, so that’s nice.

“What do you call that act?” “The Californians!”—Recurring sketch report

Adam Grossman, Big Papi.

“It was my understanding there would be no math”—Political comedy report

With SNL’s resident guest Trump Alec Baldwin otherwise occupied (and pointedly joked about), the show opened with the always more-profitable tack of doing Trump without Trump. With Kate McKinnon adding Fox News talking head and smirking white supremacist Laura Ingraham’s glint-eyed provocation to her long list of current right-wing a-holes (“No, you’re an a-hole,” McKinnon’s Ingraham responds to her viewer mail), the sketch ran through the usual roster of weekly outrages. Finding ways to satirize the news at this point is a thankless task since reality is so far beyond satire that our pals at The Onion can essentially just transcribe stuff. Here, the jokes leant on hyperbole to make comedy out of Fox and friends’ (and Fox And Friends’) daily klaxon blare of racist bullshit designed to make white parents vote against their self-interest. Like Trump’s ginned-up, racist, Hail Mary, pre-midterms caravan, which Cecily Strong’s appropriately wild-eyed Jeanine Pirro’s claims contains such terrifying, non-white figures as “Guatemalans, Mexicans, the Menendez brothers, the 1990 Detroit Pistons, Thanos, and several Babadooks.” Similarly, Kenan Thompson’s cowboy-hat-wearing disgraced former Sheriff David Clarke showed footage of the caravan in the form of a swarm of migrating crabs. “And those are humans?,” gently presses McKinnon’s Ingraham, to which Clarke replies, “Basically, yeah.”

Unlike Baldwin’s uninspired Trump, which serves as a crutch for some very one-dimensional writing as a rule, the satire here is more layered. There are the performances, which are uniformly great. (McKinnon and Strong don’t need more praise at this point, but they are both outstanding, nuanced comic actresses). And the sketch casts a wider net, encompassing Ingraham’s fleeing sponsors (and the reason why), leaving her thanking warm ice cream, nurse’s sneakers, and White Castle. (“A castle for whites? Yes please.”) And, divorced for now by Baldwin/Trump’s absence, the cold open works to lay the groundwork for some recurring satirical themes for the rest of the show. There’s GOP voter suppression, here prodded along by Ingraham giving non-white voters the wrong advice. There’s Fox’s feverish efforts to mock the very idea that Donald Trump is a bigot. (“Except for his words and actions throughout his life how is he racist?”) And there’s the transparent propaganda of Trump’s latest “brown people are coming at you from below” propaganda, with McKinnon claiming that Trump’s try-hard gung-ho operation is actually named “Operation Eagle With A Huge Dong” and bragging that there will be “five armed soldiers for every shoeless immigrant child.”

Hey, there’s a midterm election coming up on Tuesday, so vote in that. Pete Davidson ended his amiably goofy Update stint by urging everyone to vote, as did musical guest Maggie Rogers (via T-shirt), and, in the Vote Blue campaign ad, so did a roster of very fucking nervous Democrats. While polling shows that maybe, perhaps, enough Americans are motivated, pissed, and goddamned terrified enough to actually go out and vote on Tuesday (yes, this coming Tuesday, you) to put some checks in place against Donald Trump and his GOP accomplices in dismantling democratic norms, environmental regulations, and civil rights of any kind, well, we’ve seen sweaty Democratic overconfidence explode in our faces before. That’s the message here, as the person-on-the-street interviews parroting optimistic election messages all veer into a series of forced grins, shaking hands, binge-drinking, eyes-averted mumbling, and, in the case of Heidi Gardner’s tremble-voiced suburban mom, hair-trigger panic. “Get inside until Tuesday!,” she snaps at her frolicking children, while Hill’s anxious doctor tries to take comfort in the fact that Nancy Pelosi predicted a big victory on Colbert, and Leslie Jones grits her teeth in her stated faith that “white women are going to the right thing this time.” Pitch perfect stuff, right down to Aidy Bryant hauling off to slap teenaged son Pete Davidson when he jokes about forgetting when Election Day is. (It’s Tuesday. November 6. Check here for all the necessary info you need to vote. On Tuesday.)

“HuckaPM” continued SNL’s baffling comedy position that literally every woman involved in the Trump administration is secretly ashamed of her role in, well, every shitty thing Trump and the Republican Party does. You know, despite the fact that there is no evidence to that in the public or private actions of any of them, including (or especially) the sketch’s target, White House Press Secretary and sneering daily mouthpiece for whatever bigoted nonsense dribbles out of Trump’s Twitter account in the middle of the night, Sarah Huckabee Sanders. Still, this sketch works because of Aidy. Good god, is Aidy Bryant great at physical comedy. Even if one can’t follow the show’s premise that there is some glimmer of humanity in Sanders’ soul somewhere, Aidy sells the hell out of the idea that only a sleeping pill loaded with quaaludes and “what Michael Jackson’s doctor called ‘one-and-dones’” can knock Sanders out after a day of claiming that “CNN spelled backward is ISIS” and that Trump’s caravan boogeymen includes ravenous chupacabras with a trio of outstandingly timed and committed falls. Sometimes performance overcomes everything else.

The off-Broadway show short film trafficked in a sort of joke that never doesn’t work on me, so I’m going to allow myself to be pandered to. The main joke—that an actor-written topical revue is not very well written—is fine. (I loved how at least two of the numbers shamelessly aped Hamilton). But I’m just a sucker for jokes where scathing review blurbs are read out as if they’re raves by an enthusiastic voice-over guy, and these had me laughing. “This is helping no one,” and “Whose parents paid for this?” were good, but the New York Times critic’s economical “Jesus Christ!” got me out loud.

I am hip to the musics of today

Maggie Rogers came out flat in her SNL debut. Like, vocally, very flat for her first song of lilting, pretty pop. It was the sort of wobbly beginning that could knock a fledgeling performer right off her pins, but, to her credit, Rogers came back stronger in the second number. It helped that that song was more uptempo and didn’t highlight a delicate introductory vocal, but, still, props to Rogers for pulling it together. As Adam Grossman might bellow, “Redemption song!”

Most/Least Valuable (Not Ready For Prime Time) Player

Ego Nwodim got a line. Keep plugging, new kid.

Otherwise, in an exceptionally strong night for the female cast, Kate wins it by a whisker, edging out Cecily and Aidy.

“What the hell is that thing?”—The Ten-To-Oneland Report

While it’s no “Whiskers R We,” “Wigs For Pugs” ably carried on the ten-to-one tradition of doing adorably weird stuff with animals, as Hill and Cecily Strong played a couple of clearly mobbed-up entrepreneurs whose pug toupee business is in no way “a front for something.” Mainly, it’s just pugs in wigs, with a succession of very chill pugs getting carried out in their hairy finery, but sometimes that’s enough. And Hill, Strong, Aidy, Mooney, and Kenan (as a guy making pug beards) are thoroughly committed to their characters in a broad yet deadpan way that adds another level to the premise. Pugs in wigs. What more do you need, people?

Stray observations

Kenan’s Clarke cites his caravan sources as “the crows from Dumbo,” echoing Clarke’s description of his current state as “unpopular with my own people.”

McKinnon’s Ingraham refers to Baldwin as “disgraced former actor Alec Baldwin” and shows a clip from “Canteen Boy” to explain.

Che claims that the country would be doing better if red state parents would stop “sending all their liberal kids to coastal cities to do improv.”

Pete Davidson, addressing his new blue hair, claims he looks like “a guy who makes vape juice in a bathtub,” and “a Dr. Seuss character who went to prison.”

Melissa Villaseñor’s teen suspect finally breaks down, telling Jost that she only stabbed her dead friend as a joke, “but Logan took it the wrong way and started bleeding.”

Big Papi for Apple Watch: “You gotta watch your apples or a monkey’s gonna steal them, man!”

Vote on Tuesday.

The Red Sox won the World Series.

Source: https://tv.avclub.com/jonah-hill-joins-the-five-timers-club-on-a-uniformly-fu-1830206395

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junker-town · 6 years ago

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THIS WEEK IN SCHADENFREUDE, UGA fans think program ‘collapsing’

Let’s check in with Georgia, Washington, Penn State, and Miami fans after their devastating losses.

Welcome back to THIS WEEK IN SCHADENFREUDE, your weekly tractor ride through the most livid hayfields of the college football internet. We’ll begin our journey with the SEC’s highest-profile loser of Week 7 and then make a few stops elsewhere.

Georgia

The Bulldogs got spanked at LSU, 36-16.

Dawgs fans were a confident bunch beforehand.

This fan at the team’s’ 247Sports message board was really confident that UGA would be fine, just hours beforehand. Responding to the notion it might be a hard game:

This is South Carolina 2.0. Media hype all over the place. Can Georgia do this, Can Georgia do that. Same story different team.

Next week’s narrative. Georgia made a lot of mistakes and LSU still has a long way to go before it can hang with Bama.

Week after the bye. Same story line but replace LSU with FLORIDA.

NOTE: When I say media I am referring to ESPN. Our boys here keep it real.

So was this poster at Dawg Nation, who warned that Georgia had held back intentionally — not yet “released the Kracken” — so it could spring a surprise on LSU:

We are going to destroy LSU

LSU is a mess. No offense and an average defense. We are going to blow them out. I’m thinking like 45-10 with Prather Hudson playing in the 4th. I saw nothing to be afraid of out of them or fla. After today, I think we are holding back. I think the coaches are strategically not releasing the Kracken just yet.

Roughly 15,000 UGA fans piled into Death Valley, ready to watch their Dawgs win.

It didn’t shake out that way, prompting widespread despair.

Afterward, this fan thought Kirby Smart bore striking resemblance to another SEC coach who lost Saturday:

Kirby=Gus 2.0

Yesterday proved that Kirby is a mediocre coach at best and 100% liar. This may turn out worse than Gus. He does not play the best players, when a RB get hot he pulls him. He is effing clueless. He showed who he was yesterday which is a younger,polished version of Gus that will stay with a loser at QB regardless of the score or how shitty he has performed.

The majority of the board didn’t agree, but this person think’s that post’s onto something:

Agreed. Hes lost the team and the fanbase isnt far behind

That’s literally every Auburn fan in the world, asking if the Dawgs wanna trade.

Here’s a commentary on Georgia’s starting QB that starts one way ...

I’ve sobered up.

... and then continues an entirely different way:

Jake Fromm is still garbage.

No reason for him to take a meaningful snap for UGA again

This commentary by GoDawgs2477 is, uh, something:

Its done

You could really look at today and see it as the day this program fell apart. Possibly lost emory today, the whole race/political aspect thats coming up with the QB’s and how poorly they were managed today. The team looks lost and disinterested in actually playing.There are some deadweight coordinators and position coaches on this staff right now(Scott and Chaney).Kirby is letting his program collapse before he ever even really got it running. I hope he wises up for his own sake because he is digging his own grave.

Reigning SEC and Rose Bowl champion Georgia just had the No. 1 recruiting class and is currently 6-1.

On the bright side, maybe Smart’s just playing QB chess while everyone else thinks he’s playing checkers and his passing offense is sputtering:

This is all Tua 2.0

Over in Athens. Last year players & fans were wondering why this guy didn’t play in games but was fine at practice. Saban was just to stubborn for change and almost lost the kid. It’s a known fact that the Tua family was about to transfer if he didn’t play in that national championship game last year. Fast forward, the kid has a championship and the leading candidate for the Heisman Trophy.

The long game, folks.

The most difficult phase of any crushing loss is when message board posters (who are often like-minded people, even friends) turn against each other.

That’s certainly happened here, with threads like this one:

Y’all are embarrassing as hell

Cryin like a bunch of babies. Take an ass whooping and accept it and move on.

I can’t even visit tBB because of you. People making fun of Georgia fans acting like a babies. I’m ashamed to be lumped in with you.

And this one:

What kind of weak spined fan base have we turned in to?

We lost a game to an LSU team that has plenty of talent all over the field in death valley, possibly the toughest venue in all of football to win at. It happens, and it’s not the end of the world. We have two weeks and all the motivation behind the Dawgs to get ready to get right and lay a beating on Florida in Jax. But there were a few fans on here that should hang their heads in shame. Some of the crap I have read on here makes me down right angry. ... I’m sure when Justin Fields time comes he will have bad games, and I’ll be right here defending him against the irrational clamor for the next ‘shiny new toy’ that distracts our rabid fanbase.

Or this one:

I find it hilarious

The countless posts from usernames I’ve NEVER seen before when shit hits the fan. And they have like 200 posts. Like GTFOH you pricks.

The lone reply, as of Friday evening:

Well you obviously don’t like truth or facts.

There’s nothing — nothing — more American than college football message boards.

Now, let’s take a quick whip around some other corners of the Web.

Washington

The Huskies blew several late opportunities and watched their Playoff hopes go up in a cloud of smoke when they lost to Oregon. There’s one UW message board thread called “Program full of low energy CUCKs” that just became the first thing in my two years of doing this weekly feature to be ruled “just too much for me to put on our website.” It’s basically everything you’d imagine it to be, and then some.

So I’m going to leave two things here.

1. This message board post from HardcoreHusky.com:

Petersen never learned how to coach close games while in Boise

And it doesn’t appear he’s learning now either

2. This video:

Actually, one more:

Shut the program down

Quit this nonsense about new coaches - we had our chance and we just didn’t make the cut.

We are never going to get serious so let’s quit pretending. Expand the med center to where husky stadium stands and reinvest the football budget elsewhere.

OK. Let’s move along.

Penn State

Lost to Michigan State and also got KO’d from the Playoff race. One message boarder has an idea of what allowed the 13.5-point-underdog Spartans to pull it off.

Our signals being stolen

How do we know that our signals are not being stolen. I understand that there are big and new poster board pictures every week. It would not be very difficult to see what plays follow after signals being observed. Opposing teams probably has all this video taped from past years and sees the pattern. When a particular photo is displayed and this guy does these hand gestures we do this. Try running in the plays and see how teams do.

Poster board pictures!

Miami

The Canes lost to Virginia in football. We know from previous Miami defeats that this fanbase is the most direct fanbase in college football, with moments like this aplenty:

Let’s see what was cooking during and after this loss to Virginia (in football).

At halftime:

After the third quarter:

And at the end:

Miami fans are that family member who will show you no sympathy when you make a mistake. But they’ll kill anyone from the outside who says anything bad about you, and you appreciate them for that. If anyone’s going to trash Miami, it’s going to be Miami fans.

I respect that.

Elsewhere, this poster thinks Saturday was a line of demarcation:

Mark this down as the date Rick lost the fanbase

It’s happened at some point for the last 3 shyt coaches. And this is likely the day it happened for Rick. Some of us figured he’d never be a NC coach because he had 15 years to do it at UbaGA and never came through.

But I expected more than this. I expected to pretty much dominate the Coastal. This up and down yo-yo shyt from week to week is a prime mark of an unprepared team. His insistence on running an antiquated plodding slow tempo offense is another black mark.

It’s just a middle of the road, undisciplined team with a horribly inept offense that keeps everyone in every game against us

Also, here is someone upset that Miami didn’t just re-hire Butch Davis a few years back:

My thoughts are with Canes everywhere during this challenging time.

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captain-spookycandycollecti-blog · 6 years ago

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