#I knew there were different endings and that one had something to do with jupiter and neptune being together

[mushrooms-and-blooms]

but the Devil sees all and She thinks you're a beauty

this girl and this devil scene live in my brain live in my brain live in my brain

[sweatervest-obsessed]

Last, Last Time (alternate ending)

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Reader (she/her pronouns)

WC: ~8.2k

TW: Angst, guns, violence, mentions of domestic violence, blood, swearing, depression, kidnapping, manipulation, self-deprecating thoughts, heartbreak, arguing, the grieving process, drinking, screaming, crying, being under pressure, and anything else that comes with a criminal minds episode.

a/n: based on S15 E6 - first date. I love u aubrey plaza <3. Also inspired by the song Last, Last Time by Boys Go To Jupiter.

hey guys! some people had asked me about a happy ending version of this, and I've never really written an alternate ending before, I was struggling with whether I wanted this to be good angst or not, so having been swayed....here is the alternate ending!

Original Spencer Masterlist

“Spencer I won’t—I can’t keep doing this. I’m sick of arguing in circles.” 

“Y/n…”

“I-I feel like you take me for fucking granted Spencer. All I do is work and then come home and wait for you to actually be able to, I don’t know, sleep in the same bed as me for more than four hours.”

The look in his eyes almost took you out but your heart had already been broken long, long before this argument. If anything, you were starting to feel this sense of freedom as you broke his heart. 

“Please. Y/n. Just–I don’t—Just give me a few days to convince Hotch to let me have some time off and we can work on this please.” 

“Wait for the potential of us?” 

Spencer’s jaw loosened. You couldn’t read beyond the initial layer of pain and confusion, which made your chest ache since not too long ago you could have been able to find everything you needed in his expression.

“God Spencer this can’t be fucking news to you. We’ve been drifting apart for months now.” 

“I know, I know. You have been so patient with me and I’ve just been….there was that whole thing with Cat and then….I-I was trying so hard y/n…”

“No, first there was that whole thing with Maeve.”

“That’s not fair—”

“Oh that’s not fair? Really? You’re going to tell me the entire Maeve thing isn’t fair to you?”

“I’m sorry.”

You sighed and closed your eyes. “I’m not saying you weren’t trying but come one Spencer. There’s no need to deny this shit anymore. I hate it when you lie to me about these kinds of things.” 

Spencer’s hand came up to his face and it dragged down, aging him significantly with the fatigue written all over his face. 

“So you’re just going to pack up everything, break my heart, and leave? Were you even going to say goodbye, or was I going to come home to an empty home and no note…” 

“I-I don’t know Spencer. I just don’t…” 

The tears were starting to creep in, and you had to place the box down before you lost it.

“This isn’t easy for me either…” Your chest heaved. 

The both of you stood in silence, tension simmering surrounding the both of you like heat on a summer’s eve. Neither of you could really look at one another, but it felt wrong to look at anything else. Something was missing but you couldn’t say it outloud. You knew you would always love Spencer Reid but this time it was not enough. 

“I’m tired of arguing Spencer.” 

Your eyes met his. You felt Spencer’s arms around you before you could even feel the tears hit your cheeks. Your arms immediately went to his neck, so familiar. No longer home. 

Spencer’s voice muttered into your ear. “Don’t cry Jolie. It’ll be okay..” 

About three years ago, Spencer had decided that he didn’t like that you had nicknames for him, and he had none for you. He spent weeks workshopping different ones : Sugar, Honey, Pumpkin, Sweetheart, Darlin, Pookie, Lover, Sunny (like sunshine), Sunshine—it was a wild week trying to figure out who he was talking to. Then one day, offhandedly, he was trying to tell you about this french film he had been watching, and trying to get Emily to watch with him. 

He called you ‘tres jolie’, and blushing you had asked him what it meant. He told you it meant pretty. 

And it stuck. 

Now? It stung. 

All you could do was squeeze tightly onto him, not ready to let go.

“You’re so pretty when you’re lying through your teeth.” You whispered after a few moments, pulling away out of his arms. 

“I.” You swallow and step back, out of his reach. “Maybe I’ll.” 

Spencer just looked up at the ceiling, trying to hold in the tears that were streaming down his face. 

You grabbed the last box on the counter and your keys, and walked out, for the last time. 

You awoke in your bed, eyes adjusting to the complete darkness the blackout curtains provided you. 

Another fucking night thinking about your decision those four years ago, and trying to decided whether your life had gotten better because of it.

You still weren’t sure.  

Moving to get up from the bed, you decided to leave the curtains closed for now, feeling as if you could melt from the sun touching you. 

You turned on the bathroom light and started your morning routine. Wash face. Take meds. Brush teeth. Fix hair—

Somewhere in that process, you got lost, and just stared at yourself in the mirror. You weren’t sure for how long. All you could do was replay the last four years. 

Did you make the right choice?

Something was missing. It was missing from the spot on the couch. It was missing in the mug cabinet. It was missing in the kitchen while you played music and moved around by yourself. 

But you were happy. You have been able to throw yourself into your job, and open your own firm. You had your dream career, with some of the most amazing friends you could have asked for. 

None of which you would have met if you stayed with him. 

Maybe it was true what they say, you can only have a career or love, but not both.

The only thing taking you out of this spiral was the ringer on your phone going off. 

This caused some hesitation because your phone’s ringer was always off––the loud noise startling you. There were only a few people who had that emergency bypass, and none of them had called you in four years. 

You peaked out of the bathroom and saw the name light up on your phone. 

Emily Prentiss

__________________________________________________________________________

The door to the round room opened up and in walked Spencer Reid. “Catch me up.” 

Prentiss clicked the remote, and the TV lit up with a picture of a woman smirking facing the camera while holding a gun up to another one next to her. “Early this morning, Garcia got an email from an anonymous server.”

The second woman was tied up, mouth slightly open, and eyes filled with tears, while a man on the other side just had his eyes closed, tired. . 

Spencer just stared at the photo. 

Rossi nodded at the picture. “She's not obscuring her face, telling us she's got nothing to hide.”

He never pulled focus away from the screen, mouth dry at the thought of what today was about to be.“Any ideas on the unsub?”

“No.” Prentiss sighed. “Only the unsub's demand. That we release Catherine Adams in 24 hours.  I'm having her transferred here for questioning, but we have no illusions. This is just a game to her. We know that. The question is, do we want to play it or not?”

______________________________________________________________________________

Receiving a call from the FBI was not entirely new to you, since you had been engaged to one of their agents, but receiving one now? Something was deeply wrong from them to have to send you a call. 

You hesitantly pick up the phone. “Hello?”

“Hey Y/n, it’s Emily Prentiss—“

“I know who you are, Emily. It’s been a couple years, not millions.” 

Emily hummed a brief laughter, and you could hear other voices behind her, unable to make out anything. 

“I know this is hard to ask of you, but would you stay on the phone with me and come in?” 

“What?” 

“I need you to stay very calm Y/n, but I need you to stay on the line with me, leave your apartment as soon as you can, and drive to the BAU.” 

“Uh, yeah Em. I’m so sorry, I, uh, I completely forgot about our plans today. Let me get ready, and I’ll be there as soon as I can. Are we still meeting at your place or did you have a different location in the city?” 

“We’ll be at Quantico.” 

Your entire tone changed, having remembered what Spencer had told you all those years ago about if people were listening into your apartment, if they bugged your car—all paranoia that didn’t pay off then, might be paying off now. 

You were sure you could hear Emily sigh, and it sounded a little upset at the fact that you knew what to do–you knew how to handle a dangerous situation, which made her question everything in her life. 

Quickly you pulled on a pair of jeans and threw a sweatshirt over your pajama top and grabbed your keys off of the counter. 

Today was already stressful enough, what was the point of adding a bra. 

You left your apartment, waved to one of your neighbors, and hopped into your car, still on the line, just trying not to panic. Maybe something went wrong, maybe Spencer wasn’t okay, maybe he had died—you refused to even acknowledge that thought and decided it was something else entirely. 

It was a very tense hour of driving, that was only about forty since you knew how to drive above the speed limit. 

You realized that it was past midday, and you had taken full advantage of the weekend. So at least you had a decent amount of sleep under your belt for what felt like the beginning of an extraneous night. 

As you pulled into the parking garage, Emily Prentiss and someone you had never met before were standing there waiting for you. You placed your car in park, hopped out and walked up to them–only hanging up as soon as you were out of the car. 

Both of them have such grim looks on their faces, but at least they were trying to pretend like the situation wasn’t as bad as it appeared.

Emily engulfed you in a hug. “Missed you Y/n. It’s been too long.” 

“Well Em, next time I break up with someone I’ll consider your feelings first.” You squeezed her back, dryly laughing at your own joke. At least it caused Emily to snort. 

“Y/n this is SSA Luke Alvez. Luke, this is Y/n Y/l/n.”

“It’s nice to meet you.” He gave a small smile and nodded at you.

“I wish it were under different circumstances.” You looked over at Emily.

“Let’s head inside?” 

You nodded and the three of you moved inside. 

Sure, you hadn’t been here in a while, but you knew your way to the BAU Bullpen if your life depended on it, which was ironic since that was what this kinda felt like. 

As soon as you were safely in their round table room, Luke shut the door, and stood by it, Emily coming and sitting down next to you. 

“What do you know about Cat Adams?” 

That bitch. 

______________________________________________________________________________

“I would like to go on a date. With you.” 

Spencer stared at her, face stoic as ever. “A date?”

“Yes. I want to look pretty. And I want to have fun.” She looked him up and down. “And I won't even get physical, ok? Unless you want me to.”

Spencer sat down across from her. “Come here. Closer.”

Cat leaned in, a small smile on her face, absolutely intoxicated by being so close to him.

“The only date that I'll be there for is the one where they stick a needle in your vein.”

Cat scoffed. “You're just going to let her father and sister die? I don't think so.”

“I never said it was a father and daughter. You're already slipping.” He stood up from the table. “We'll find them. We always do.”

Cat leaned back and crossed her arms. “Not tonight. Tonight I win.”

His resolution had yet to change, “The score between me and you is two to zero. By tomorrow morning, it'll be a clean sweep. Enjoy eternal nothingness. It's a metaphor for your life.” 

And with that, the door slammed shut behind him.

______________________________________________________________________________

Both the profilers watched a series of emotions run rampant across your face, before you settled on a somewhat displeased smile. “A lot.” 

They exchanged a look, and you didn’t have the energy to pretend like you didn’t know what it was. 

“Don’t start with me today Emily. I know what you’re doing. Ask me the questions you want to ask. Don’t try to trick me into giving the answers you want. Don’t profile me.” 

Part of being engaged to a profiler meant you picked up on some of their own quirks. Which meant you saw Alvez bite his tongue and try to hide his smile. And you noticed that Emily, on the other hand, hid her smile a bit better but it was still there.

She nodded and pulled a file from across the table. “I’m assuming you know the basics since she, uh, is obsessed with Spencer.”

“Glad to see he still has that going for him.” You muttered and looked into the file. 

Emily shot Luke a look when he let out a huff or air, trying his damndest not to laugh. 

“What is the last thing you know about her?” 

You recounted the days leading up to the restaurant, and then the few days after, decidedly stopping short of the engagement breaking off a week later. 

They shared another look, and you didn’t enjoy whatever it was that had moved across their faces. 

“What happened?” 

“Y/n..”

“No Emily, I drove all the way from DC to Quantico on the phone, I deserve to know what happened.” 

Emily then begins to explain to you the past four years of Reid’s life. Cat pretending she was pregnant with his kid in prison, kidnapping his mother, framing him for murder in Mexico, going to prison—

“Spencer went to prison and none of you thought to call me….”

“We didn’t think you’d–” 

“I’m a fucking criminal defense attorney in DC Emily. Of course I’d want to know if he was arrested, especially internationally. I know that law better than all of you. If someone I knew was kidnapped, I’d call you immediately. Faster than the cops.” 

Both of them went silent. 

“So is he out?” 

They nodded slowly, silently. 

“How long was he in there?”

Nothing. 

“I asked. How. Long.”

Luke spoke up. “Three months.” 

“Jesus christ.” You stood up and started to pace around the room, taking the time you needed to calm down. 

Why didn’t Spencer call you?

Well you knew why Spencer wouldn’t call you. 

“Okay so he’s out.” You said finally. “Why am I here—He didn’t start….did he?” 

Emily shook her head. “He’s actually been really good about it.” She said softly, trying to calm you down. 

You started fidgeting with your rign finger; a habit you have picked up many years ago, and have yet to lose, even if the ring wasn’t there anymore. 

“Cat’s execution is coming up.” Emily started, trying to get you back on track. “And we….we found out that she’s convinced one of her former cellmates to kidnap...people…close to Reid, and we knew you’d be on that list for him.” 

“She already ruined that relationship years ago, she won that one. Why would she bring me back into it?” You sat down and looked down at the file on the table. You had never really seen a photo of her before, doing your best to avoid all of the media surrounding her arrest. 

She was very pretty, that much was certain. 

Just as you went to say something else, JJ knocked on the door, another blonde woman behind her. 

They entered and JJ gave you a small, yet genuine smile. 

You returned it, but quickly shifted your gaze onto the woman behind. 

Your whole body shifted slightly, into a place of defense, locking your emotions down. You knew all the profilers were watching it happen in real time, which is why Emily very casually put a hand on your knee under the table. 

“Would someone like to tell me what is going on here?” 

Your head turned as you looked over to Emilt, bewildered by this woman and her, well, bewilderment. 

JJ walked over and sat down on the other side of you. “Uh, Max, this is Unit Cheif Emily Prentiss and SSA Luke Alvez.” She pursed her lips before looking over at you. “And this is another one of the victims affected by Cat Adams, Y/n Y/l/n.” 

Max had crossed her arms and nodded. “Victims?” 

You quickly onced her over, a slightly unimpressed look crossing your features. “People close to Spencer get fucked over a lot.” This came out with a sigh attached to it. 

Max almost scoffed, but you watched as she nodded. “And how do you know Spencer?” 

Your eyes met with Emily’s really quickly. 

Emily looked over at Max. “She’s…”

“I’m Spencer’s ex-fiancé.”

It felt better to let this poor girl know, but somehow saying the words out loud left the most rotten taste in your mouth. 

Watching Max’s defenses go up in real time was a little sobering.

At least Spencer’s taste in partners with attitude hadn’t changed. 

______________________________________________________________________________

“Victimology is off.”

“How so?” Prentiss looked up at him as he walked into the room. 

“Father and daughter. She’s never done that before.” 

Lewis spoke up. “She usually kills men that remind her of her father. Children–even adult children, are off limits. Do we have an ID yet.” 

Prentiss, Rossi, Garcia, and JJ all looked over at Reid, and he just pulled a hand down his face. “It’s…It’s Issac and Noelle Y/l/n.” 

“Y/l/n…as is Y/n Y/l/n.” Tara looked up surprised at Spencer. 

Reid nodded slowly, just staring at the picture on the projector.

While Luke spoke up. “Who is Y/n Y/l/n.” 

“An old friend.” Rossi quickly interjected, before any more explanation had to be said. It was clear both Alvez and Simmons, that whoever this was, was an extremely touchy subject for Reid. 

Tara, who had only known you for a little while, looked back at the picture. 

Rossie spoke up. “What do we know about the partner who’s helping her?” 

“It’s got to be someone from her prison.” Simmons spoke up. “She hasn’t had contact with anyone else?” 

______________________________________________________________________________

After all of that, you found yourself back in a place you swore you left for the last time. It looked almost the same as when you had first moved out, but there was less of it. 

Almost as if he was having trouble covering places where things used to be.

There were almost no photos on the walls, since you were half of them, and had taken the rest. 

Calling someone you once loved a stranger feels wrong. 

Max was just sitting on the couch in your spot. She was looking around as you and Rossi stood by the kitchen counter. 

She had, understandably, decided she was not your biggest fan.

“Cat had a cellmate named Juliette Weaver. We believe the two were working together, as a way for Cat to get something against Spencer, and as payment, Cat would hurt Juliette’s ex.”

You nodded. “How does this affect me?” 

“She took your father and sister.” 

Your back straightened and immediately brought out your phone, to call your sister, but Rossi just placed a hand on your phone and shook his head. “If she finds out you know, then it’s all over. She’s doing this on purpose. She knows about you and Reid, but she knows that dragging you into all of this will hurt him more than anything else.” 

His voice had gone low and quiet, so that the girl on the couch couldn’t hear. JJ, who was on the couch, talking to Max, looked like she was trying to block out whatever conversation was happening in the kitchen. 

“So why is she here?” You whispered back. 

“Because we don’t want anyone in danger, and it’s better for us if we have eyes on both of you” 

You closed your eyes and nodded. “I need a cup of tea.” 

Rossi nodded, and placed your phone on the counter, and you walked into the kitchen,eyes closed from the stress of the situation. 

The apartment went silent, watching as you grabbed a kettle, and started to make tea. It was like second nature to you as you turned the stovetop on, grabbed a mug from the cabinet (careful to not grab one of his favorites), and grabbed some tea from the cabinet. 

It didn’t dawn on you that you were drinking your favorite type of tea until the second sip, while the entire apartment was still silent. 

The pity from JJ and Rossi was palpable. 

The disbelief from Max was a boulder on you back, like Atlas transferring the world to your shoulders. 

“Don’t even start.” You muttered, moving to sit down back next to Rossi on the kitchen stools. 

He shrugged and stayed silent. 

That is, until JJ’s walkie went off and she looked at Max. “It’s time. Let’s go.” 

Rossi looked over at you and gave you a quick hug, squeezing you tightly. “You’ve got this kid. Remember everything we talked about.” 

You nodded and gave both agents a strained smile as they left the apartment, taking Max with them, leaving you all alone in this place you once called home.

Never once, since you left, did you think you would ever be back here. You didn’t even realize you were drinking from one of your own mugs until it was just you. The irony of it was not lost on you, and you sat down in your spot on the couch. 

Well first you sat in Spencer’s seat but it felt too weird, so you shifted back into your spot on the couch. 

______________________________________________________________________________

“Juliette staked out in Reid’s life. Found out he was dating someone, but then must have discovered his ex-fiancée.” Simmons sighed. “He was probably so focused on Max, he didn’t even realize that someone was digging into his history, following them around.”

Prentiss nodded as they walked and talked. “But if Juliette was able to find Max, that meant she was easily able to find Y/n and her family. Plus, Y/n is not that hard to find—she’s a prominent public attorney in DC. That means Juliette must’ve had access to all of her publicly available information. “

“Well at least we found their hidden agenda.” 

“No. We found Cat’s hidden agenda. Juliette doesn’t care about Reid. There’s something we’re missing here. Do a deep dive with Garcia.” 

Simmons nodded at Prentis. “On it.” 

“I’ll go to Reid's apartment and monitor onsite. Is there a trap and trace on his landline?” 

“Garcia’s almost set up.” Simmons walked away from Prentiss, and down towards Penelope’s office. 

“Well this went from bad to worse.” Tara walked up to Emily. 

Emily sighed in agreement. 

Lewis spoke up. “Female narcissists destroy their competition. Y/n really shouldn’t be in there.” 

Emily just nodded and the two of them headed out of the bullpen. “Walk with me.” 

Tara kept stride with her as they pushed through the doors. Rossi was just getting off the phone with someone and turned to look at the two women approaching him and JJ. 

JJ spoke up when Rossi was finished. “So, the hospital just released the dad– Issac Y/l/n. He's on his way here now.

Rossi scoffed. “Question is, why let him go at all?”

“Matt's on that.” Emily gestures in the direction of Garcia’s office. “Juliette Weaver's real agenda should tell us where she's taking Y/n’s younger sister.”

Lewis spoke next. “I still think the play here is to get Cat and Juliette to contact each other, but I have no idea how.”

Prentiss crossed her arms. “I have a plan, but first we have to talk about Y/n.” 

______________________________________________________________________________

Just then, you heard the click of the door, and stood up, watching as the door swung open. 

And there he was. 

This was the first time you had seen Spencer in four years. 

And there he was, kissing Catherine Adams. 

The woman you could give partial credit to for ending your relationship. 

After a moment Spencer looked up, and took several steps away from Cat. His eyes were wide and locked on yours. 

It took a lot of self-restraint to not punch the lights out of Cat, and to stand still arms crossed. 

“Y/n?” Spencer’s voice broke a little bit. 

You never would say that Spencer was unattractive. In fact, it would be a lie if you ever even thought about it. But something about the past four years aged him like a fine wine. 

His hair was a bit longer, he had some scruff—his baby face had melted away and standing in front of you was a man who you thought you knew everything about, but was now a stranger. 

You didn’t answer him, watching as he took you in, standing in his apartment, for the first time since…

“What are you doing here?” Spencer’s voice cracked.

You looked over at Cat, who had the most devious smirk on her face. 

Remember what Prentiss had said to you. 

“You know why I’m here.” 

Cat nodded and the two of them moved into the apartment, the door closing behind them. 

Spencer just stood ten feet away from you, eyes never leaving you, and you watched him right back. 

Cat, on the other hand, was walking around, examining the apartment. You could see her take notice of the tea you had made yourself on the counter. You could see the hatred from the corner of your eyes. The two of you were starting to piss her off. 

She spoke up, after a few moments of silence. “Did it make you mad that I was kissing your Fiancé?” 

You shook your head. “No.”

Your focus had fully turned to Cat, but you swore you swore you could hear Spencer take a sharp inhale as you spoke your next words.

“Well, he's not my fiancé and I kind of have some other things on my mind.”

Cat didn’t scare you, but there was just something so off-putting about her. “Like what?” 

“Are you gonna hurt Noelle?”

Cat shrugged. “Not if I don't have to, no. Honestly, if she follows instructions, she might even learn from this whole experience.”

You scoffed. “What does that mean?”

Cat just started fiddling with the chess set on the dresser. 

“Spencer, what does she mean?” You turned to look back at him, his name feeling so good on your tongue. 

Spencer, who really hadn’t stopped looking at you and sighed. “She means that Noelle isn’t learning from her, but from Juliette.” 

You sat down in your spot on the couch, eyes closed, trying not to let Cat (or Spencer) see how truly upset you were starting to feel.  

Spencer noticed where you sat and had to look down to conceal any notions of a smile on his face. 

Cat watched him before turning and looking at you, more disdain on her face than before. 

“Normally, Spencie and I, we spend our time together playing games, but tonight, I've brought you all here to make a point. You are doing so much better.” 

Spencer spoke up. “With you?”

“Without you.” Cat snapped at him. “Besides, I’m not talking to you Spencie, I'm talking to her.”

She turned to face you. “Because, girlfriend, you need to know the truth about your fiancé.” 

“He's not my finacé.” You were unsure about how many more times you could say that outloud. 

“No kidding. When’s the last time you spoke? Right…” Cat walked over to the center of the room, right in front of the couch. “Here?” 

Your head whipped around to Spencer. “You told her about that?”

Spencer was pleading with his eyes. “I had to say a lot of things tonight.”

Cat’s voice caused your head to snap back to her. “Yes, he has. He said that you never compared to me, that, um... That no matter what, he will never get me out of his mind, unlike you. Unlike that girlfriend.” 

You tried not to wince at the mention of that girl Maxine out in one of the trucks.

Spencer sat down next to you. “Everything I said—I was lying to save your family.”

Cat scoffed. “Did our kiss look like a lie?” 

“No.” You locked eyes with Cat, almost challenging her. 

She seemed to enjoy it.

“Thank you. See, now we're getting to the heart of the matter.” Cat started mocking Spencer. “You see, everyone thinks that Dr. Spencer Reid is... Is just this nice, bookish, uh, genius who, uh, always saves the day and has all the answers. And has zero mommy issues, right? But, um... I know the real him.” 

“Oh, yeah? Who's the real me, Cat?” 

“The real Spencer Reid throws women against walls. And hisses that he's going to kill them.” 

Spencer stood up, squaring off against her.  “That was a very different situation.”

“No, it wasn't.” Cat was holding the smirk back this time, making your gut wretch. 

“Spencer…What is she talking about?” You looked from the psychopath in front of you, to Spencer, poor Spencer who has spent the entire day entertaining her.

“You tell her. She's not gonna believe it coming from me.” She huffed. 

“Cat..”

“Do it.” She hissed, eyeswide with hints of threate.

Reid turned and looked at you, his mouth dry and body stiff. “Two years ago, Cat had her partner kidnap my mother. Just like tonight. She got under my skin and…”

Your chest hurt. “And you threw her against a wall?” 

Cat’s smirk was breaking through whatever resolve she had. “Don't skimp on the details, Spencie. She deserves to know everything.”

Every single time she said Spencie you swore it was harder to not deck her in the face. 

Spencer looked down at his hands, and then over at you. His voice had gotten quieter. “She was pregnant at the time and I knew that when I hurt her.” 

“And?” She stood there expectantly, waiting for Spencer to finish. When he didn’t, her face suddenly became solemn. “The next day... I miscarried. The end.”

Spencer looked at her. “That's not true.” 

Youre eyes went wide. “What?”

They just continued to argue over you.

“It is most certainly true. Check my medical records.” 

“That doesn't mean I-I would…”

Cat held up her hand to him. “Stop. Look.”

Spencer looked over at you, just sitting on the couch, trying to process everything that was going through your head. 

After thinking about everything you had gone through, especially with Spencer. “I thought you were better than that Spence.” 

It was the first time you had used a nickname for him in years. And he was hearing it for the first time while you were stuck in a standoff between himself and Cat Adams, your sister being god knows where. 

Spencer’s voice cracked. “I'm sorry.” 

Cat squatted down in front of you, a sick smile on her lips. She was enjoying this. She truly enjoyed watching his life crumble to bits. “Notice how your Spencie is apologizing to you and not me.”

You clenched your hands. “He’s not mine…”

Spencer just looked over at you. 

Cat nodded. “That's good. Because men are all the same. Aren't they, Jolie?” 

Spencer’s eyes lit up with an emotion you rarely saw from him when you were together. “Don't call her that.”

And you couldn’t blame him. The word ran you through like a spear and you were sure if you looked behind you, the blade would be through the couch. You tried so hard to not let either of the two people near you see how much it messed with you. You couldn’t believe Spencer had told her that. Luckily for you, Cat was too busy pushing Spencer’s buttons to see the way her words won against you. 

Cat hissed at him. “What, are you gonna throw me against a wall and choke me, or do you only do that to pregnant women?” 

You finally spoke up. “Why are you doing this?”

“Because I want you to see it.” She gestured to Spencer. “I want you to see that he is...no better than he was before, or any man after. They’re all the same.” 

“Stop.”

Cat squatted down in front of you. “I can see it on your face. What's his name?” 

You stared back at her. “It's none of your business.”

That damned smirk of hers returned. “It is exactly my business. In fact, it's my specialty. I mean, I could have Juliette and baby sister go over there if you want. They could take care of him.” 

Reid looked over at you. “Say yes. Give her what she wants.” 

“Hmm. See, he wants you to get me to make a little phone call so they can trace it.” She moved away from you both and sat down in the lounging chair across from you. “They're so good, the FBI.”

You jumped up and started pacing, a spitting image of four years ago, unable to look at Spencer. “What is wrong with the two of you? What is this sick, twisted thing that you have? Listen, I just want to save my sister. Will you please just tell me what I have to do to do that?” 

“Tell me his name. Tell me the story. That's it. And then if they can let Juliette exit stage right, then I promise you I will let her go.”

You looked between Cat and Spencer before walking over to the kitchen, and hanging up the phone. After staring down at the decision you had just made, you walked back over and took your phone out. “Here. Use this. Use my phone. They can't trace it.”

She just watched you. “You'd be surprised.”

“I don't even need a call. Just... just a photo.” You held the phone out to her. “Something to prove to me that she's still alive. Please”. 

Cat just looked up at your face. “Story first.”

“Y/n. Please.” Spencer turned to you, hoping you’d look back at him. “I have been here with her before. She called the number and told the partner to kill my mom.”

“It is so tricky, isn't it? I mean, who are you gonna trust? The lying, cheating, violent psychopath... Or me?”

You looked down at the ground, refusing to look over at Spencer. “His…His name was Mike Davis. We dated for about two years. I met him a month after we…we split.”

Cat’s attention on you felt as if there were a million bees stinging your body all at different intervals, pain coursing through your body. “Good. When did it end?” 

“Last year.” 

“Was he good in bed?” 

Spencer stood up. “Shut up.” 

Cat was enjoying this. She was enjoying watching you make Spencer uncomfortable. She was enjoying hurting him in every masochistic way she could. “What? You have to know where you stand.”

“He was good…” You looked back at Cat. “Good at, um, separating me from my friends and my family. Enough that the first time he punched me in the face, I didn't have anywhere to go. And my first response was "I'm sorry, Mike." A fucking defense attorney apologizing to someone when they got hit. That's when he knew he had me.”

There was a glint in Spencer’s eyes, and you could swear they were tears, but you couldn’t tell from rage or sorrow. 

Cat continued to probe. “How many hospital visits were there?” 

You showed her a small scar on the inside of your elbow. “None. No, he... He knew how to hurt me just enough to hide it all, I guess. I never missed a day of work.”  

“But you found the strength to leave. What did you do?” 

“ I…”

“Tell me.”

“I planned. I planned and then I waited.”

Cat’s eyes lit up. “Waited for what? “

“I live here in D.C.” You looked between Spencer and Cat. “But I'm also a resident in Virginia. It takes 60 days for the permit to clear, but because I-I know some people…it was sooner.”

Spencer’s eyes widened. “Y/n, stop talking. Stop talking right now.”

Cat shushed him. “No, don't stop. Here. Give me the phone. Look, I'm gonna enter the text. Stick the landing and I'll hit send."

You handed her the phone and she quickly typed out a message, her thumb hovering over send. 

Fiddling with your ring finger, you started to speak again. Slowly. Concisely. “When I was ready, I picked a fight. Loud enough for the neighbors to hear. And he came at me with his fist just cocked back, so I pulled my Glock 19 out of my purse. I shot him.”

Spencer tried to interject. “It was self-defense. He was attacking you—”

“That's what I told 911 as he was struggling to breathe on his kitchen floor. That's why the police never charged me. I’m a lawyer, I know how to plead.” You closed your eyes. “But I... after I hung up, I... I shot him two more times.” 

Cat was glowing, spinning around to face Spencer. “Wow, you really have a type, don't you? Quite a dilemma, too. She just admitted to murder.” 

Spencer was in disbelief. “She'll beat it.” . 

“Probably. But whatever feelings she might have still had for you, and whatever Maxine might have seen in you—-it’s all gone.” 

The phone in your hand buzzed.

“Oh, wow. Look at that. Your sister. Alive and well. You're welcome.” 

Your face hardened up, and you stood up straighter. Walking away from the two of them, you opened the door. “I got it.” 

Emily took the phone from your hand and you turned back to the two of them. There was no emotion behind your eyes as you looked back at Spencer. 

Cat smirked and looked up at Spencer. “I win.” 

______________________________________________________________________________

The prison transport was quiet, with the two guards sitting across from Spencer and Cat. It had been silent for about twenty minutes, but then, Cat spoke up. 

“Do you know why I did this? Why I really did this?” 

Spencer looked down at his hands. “You wanted to prove I'm a monster just like you.”

“No... Silly. I just wanted to see you again. I just wanted to make sure that you would never forget about me.” She sighed. “'Cause when they do put that needle in my arm, I just want there to be even the slightest chance that... Maybe you're still thinking about me…”

Spencer stiffened as she placed her head on his shoulder. “You didn't have to terrorize innocent people. You could've just written a letter.” 

“Would you have written me back?” 

When Spencer didn’t respond, Cat knew her answer. 

“Bye, Spencie. I really enjoyed our date.” She smiled at him desperately, getting dragged out of the vehicle by the guards to the prison. 

______________________________________________________________________________

The elevator door opened and Spencer walked out of it, his whole body reeked of defeat, and he barely looked at Emily as she spoke.  “We need to debrief.” 

“I need some time Emily.” He muttered, walking right past her and into the bullpen. His expression changed when he saw you on one side talking to Tara, and Max on the other, looking up at him right as he walked in. 

“Spencer, are you okay?” 

Her voice caught your ear, and immediately you looked up to see her walk over and embrace him in a hug. 

He stiffly smiled at her, and returned the hug before muttering that he would be back in a moment.

Watching Spencer hug her and whisper something in her ear, make your stomach lurch, and you had to turn away. 

Spencer walked over to you, and you stood up as he approached. 

“Uh, Tara, would you mind giving us…”

She nodded at him and walked away. 

Both of you went to speak, trying to say something to the other. 

“I should explain all of this.” 

Spencer shook his head. “You don’t have to explain any of that Y/n—it doesn’t.” 

You cut him off. “Spencer, please.” 

The two of you moved out and voer into the kitchen, providing a bit more privacy than before. “It was fake—most of it was fake. I didn’t kill anyone, Spence. I was just lying to her to get her to send the text from my phone. It was all…It was made up.” 

He just nodded, staring at you, eyes cloudier than a storm crossing an ocean. 

You gave him a soft smile, and gently placed a hand on his shoulder. Both of you could feel the pulse between it, but your hand stayed where it was. 

“Mike Davis is alive, and I don’t really know about well. But he…we dated for about two years and he did…he raised a fist one time but never actually…he never hit me. I threw him out that night. I’m okay.”

Spencer lets out a breath slowly, just trying to take in everything you were saying. 

Spencer watched as what little resolve you had left crumbled under his gaze, and you looked up, trying to keep the tears at bay. 

He gently wrapped his arms around you, and helf you tightly, like all those years ago. “I’m so sorry you got dragged into this.” His words melted into your skin as you wrapped your arms around him. 

After a minute of standing like this, the two of you broke apart, and one of his hands came up to your cheek, wiping away a single tear that was left. 

You took a step back, the irony of this mirror image not lost on you, and you guestered back into the bullpen. “You have…You have to talk to Max.” 

Spencer’s face dropped a little at the mention of her name and he shook his head. “I’ll…I’ll deal with her in a second. She wasn’t the one who had to face a woman who completely….”

“Changed and fucked up what I thought my life would be. Yeah, I know. But she also cares about you.” You laughed a bit, putting back together a resolve that was nonexistent. 

“Spence, They filled me in on everything that happened between both of you in the past couple years, and they asked me if I would be willing to…help them beat her.” 

He didn’t like that you knew about everything that had gone down. He was so happy you were okay. He was a little impressed by the way you beat Cat at her own game. He was upset that you put yourself in danger. You could read him like you read one of your favorite books, knowing which emotion was coming up next. 

“They gave me an ear piece and everything.” You gave him a small smile, trying to make light of something. 

Spencer shook his head. “You’re not trained—that’s extremely dangerous of you.” 

You sighed and nodded. “Unfortunately Spencer, this is…this was the life I was used to when we were together. I knew the stakes. I mean the briefings I had with Hotch after you relapsed…” 

Spencer just clammed up and stood a bit straighter. “ I didn’t know that..”

“It was like that on purpose. I didn’t want you to think that you were a burden or too much or—I was doing it for the potential of us…” You cut yourself of, flinching at the parallels between this and your previous final conversation. 

Garcia walked over and placed a hand on Spencer’s shoulder. “I’m sorry to interrupt darlings, but I just need you both to know, Cat Adams had a miscarriage, but it was months after whatever encounter you had. It’s not your fault. We looked at her records.” She was speaking low for you both, yet both of you let out a quiet sigh of relief. 

You looked over at Garcia. “Thank you Pen.” 

Taking another small step back from Spencer, even though every single neuron in your brain was firing off, telling you what you were doing was wrong. “I should, I should grab my stuff, and go back. Penelope?” 

She had a rueful look on her face, but she nodded and took your arm, walking you back over to the desk where your stuff was. 

Spencer flexed his hand, almost as if he wanted to grab yours and never let go, but he just walked over to Max. 

You started to collect your things, but got sidetracked by a conversation with Rossi. 

You missed the small conversation that Spencer had with Max. You missed the way they hugged, and the way that the two of them walked out of the bullpen and to the elevator. You missed as they disappeared for a few minutes. 

“Rossi, I promise to do better about keeping in touch. I swear.” 

“I don’t just invite anyone over for dinner, you know. It’s an exclusive invitation.” 

You smiled, almost all real. “Trust me. I know. Besides… the phone is a two way device, so you have to text me first sometimes too.” 

You looked over for Spencer, the smile on your face shifting ever so slightly into one of sadness when he wasn’t around. And no one would have noticed, if not for the fact that you were in a room full of profilers. 

“Well everyone, I…this was lovely. We’ll have to do this whole ‘getting my family kidnapped’ again some time.” 

This remark caused a few laughs and some smiles, as you said your goodbyes, and Emily walked over to the elevator. 

She was about to say something, but the doors opened and revealed Spencer. He seemed like a weight had been taken off his shoulders and you smiled at him.

Emily excused herself, giving your shoulder a squeeze, and leaving the two of you alone. 

“Let me walk you out.”

You nodded, and entered the elevator.

The two of you stood in silence until you reached the parking lot.

You both stepped out, and looked over at your car, before looking back at one another. 

It was Spencer who spoke first. 

“I’m so so sorry Y/n.” He whispered. “I never meant any of this to happen to you, and for you to get dragged back here and—” 

As soon as he met your eyes, you dropped your bag, and Spencer wrapped his arms around you tightly, just holding you and resting his head on yours; trying to give you the comfort that he was rarely able to give you. You just tightly wrapped your arms around his torso and just held onto him tightly. Trying to decompress, trying to truly understand everything that had happened in the past twelve hours. 

Part of being a lawyer meant that acting and diffusing situations was part of your life, but sometimes, it was just a defense mechanism. It was exhausting. 

“Are you okay?” 

Spencer looked at your face, pulling away slightly. You were worried about him. 

He went to nod, but decided to shake his head no. “Today was…I’m so sorry she…” 

“It’s what she wanted, Spence, and unfortunately she just…” You whispered. You tried so hard to find the right words. 

After another moment in his arms, you took a step back and shook your head. 

“I’m sorry.”

“Y/n…”

“Spence you have a girlfriend.” 

“Y/n.”

“And I…I don’t know if I could put myself back to where I was four years ago.”

“Jolie.” 

You took another breath, but kept going. “You are amazing, and funny, and so smart Spence. But this…we ran our course. It didn’t work then, and I don’t know if I have it in me to try again just for it to fail.” 

“We won’t.” 

“You can’t promise something like that.”

“I can. I will.”

You shook your head. “Max…”

“We broke up.”

Spencer gently grabbed your face, giving you enough time to back out.

You didn’t. 

His lips locked with yours, his thumb rubbing against your cheek as the two of you shared one more moment, just for the two of you. 

Catharsis didn’t even begin to describe the feeling of the ache in your bones subsiding. Every single moment of stress, of doubt, just melted away and left you grabbing a hold of Spencer’s shirt and pulling him impossibly closer. 

It was going to be different. Everything was not the same. You both had grown, you had changed, and for the better. But eventually, you were always supposed to find your way back to this moment, with yourself in Spencer’s arms and your lips on his lips. 

It was solidified when a few months later, Spencer left the BAU to become a full time professor in DC, and moved into your apartment, abandoning the one where Cat had ruined your life not once, but twice. 

It solidified as the two of you made time for one another, constantly finding new cities around the world to explore. 

It solidified forever when he placed a ring on your finger and whispered I do in front of your friends and family.

It was always meant to be, and sometimes, the path to forever, is everchanging. 

But at least you were able to do it with Spencer Reid by your side. 

[astrologicalsstuff]

Obsession synastry

These are just aspects I’ve experienced where either they or I or both became obsessed

I have Pluto in the 8th house natally idk if that makes a difference for some of these, I’m pretty naturally intense I guess.

Venus in the first house

As the Venus person I’ve had this with the two people who absolutely rocked my world. I thought these people were the most beautiful people I have ever seen and idolized them. They were so beautiful to me and I told everyone about them

Planets in the 12th

I have a stellium of four planets and I can’t really tell you exactly how each one acts

Mercury: MISCOMMUNICATION I swear this person would ask me one thing and I would hear something entirely different. Sometimes I would also be too shy to respond, I did a lot of drugs with these people. Also I got so much information about these people randomly. I’d have dreams that told me things, I’d cry randomly. Strangers told me things about him that I didn’t know, and later revealed his name. I knew so much about these people from other sources randomly. One time we ended and I ended up with a group of his friends I didn’t know we’re his friends and they just kept talking about him and then they said his name and I was like…. Honestly I had such a hard time communicating with these people and I felt like they really wanted me to. I honestly feel like theses people are still kinda waiting on an explication from me. It’s just so hard. I kept getting in my head thinking they couldn’t possibly know and yet they made every effort to help me feel comfortable sharing but I didn’t know how. And with these people there’s always something getting in the way. Like no service, or his parents would come in the room and take away his phone. I blocked these people a lot.

Mars:… yeah it’s true. This guy was my first I thought we were soulmates I was confused lol. I also talk hella shit about these people (some of them) because they did me so dirty. There’s so much build up over time here. Like did they understand me. Will they ever get how I feel.

Jupiter: let down Fr without other good synastry. This placement gives you a spiritual assistance. There’s a greater force on your side helping this relationship. I met this guy once and I thought about him all the time for a year. We ended up meeting again and he was really into me too. EVERYTHING WAS FATED we ran into eachother everywhere, he happened to be next door neighbors with two of my best friends (his parent were divorced). I thought we had no real mutuals turns out we were in a really big friend group. ALL OF HIS FRIENDS WERE FRIENDS WITH AT LEAST ONE OF MINE.

Sun: I don’t know if they ever really saw me. Well I know that’s not true but I think they truly were surprised by some qualities about me or just don’t understand. I also feel like I can see through these people so easily. Honestly this placement felt less like confusion for me and more like lucidity. Like I understand you eventhough your not telling me in a way that makes sense. Drugs. The one that got away. But they’re back? Feels like a forever kinda thing. Disappear cold turkey and run into eachothers years later. Honestly I was faking it with these people a bit. Wouldn’t let them know the real me.

8th house synastry (cancer, Leo, sag)

Man if you think it’s done it’s not done till it gets bad

I have Venus conjunct moon and a stellium with

Venus: oh man I thought I was obsessed but I think it was him (he had natal mars not really conjunct though) and we were in a weird polyamory situation. I was like so obsessed with him. I always thought about him(sexually) and he really went the extra mile for me. Yeah I was a bit possessive but he had his mars in my friends 8th and she was so much more possessive. She even said to me “he’s mine” he sure as hell was not hers. I also have my Venus and mom on in her 8th and she still texts me even though I stopped talking to her like 2 years ago. They both do. He made new numbers and always found ways to reappear. I don’t know if it’s sexual as much as seductive. When I have Venus in peoples 8th house we always end up in something sexual even if we’re not into eachother.

Moon: pretty emotional, these relationships feel so natural for me, honestly the house person is more affected I think. Like the house person has never met someone like this before, never experienced these things.

Pluto: This is a generational one so it has to be a really really close orb like 1-2 degrees with other things going on honestly

I had this with a guy and it made me think astrology is more than just planets and gravity. Like being around this guy…. I felt all the Pluto/8th house elements. I was so entranced by the eye contact and the physical touch. I started off not knowing this guy but he knew me and I was so mad about something but then I was so turned on and I told him I wanted to wait but the sexual tension made me angry so I went off on him. After that I couldn’t stand myself he was so nice to me (8th house) and I didn’t even have control over myself. I would never use astrology to justify actions so I went to therapy and began to really work on my triggers but I didn’t forget him. And I thought for sure he would not be into me after that interaction, justifiably, but right when I gave up on ever talking to him again he messaged me. I… stalked him for months on Instagram we didn’t even follow each other and he posted all these things about his loyalty and lowkey stuff we talked about in those 2 hours we met and I thought there’s no way they could be about me so I thought he moved on but I guess he didn’t. I have no idea who’s obsessed I know I am but I’m thinking maybe he is in another way. Definitely taboo. I have all these secrets I’m keeping from him too. Like I don’t know this guy and all we have is history (my south node is in the 8th). I think the whole premise is intensity and possessiveness and I don’t know where it comes from cause I don’t know this guy. Pluto conjunct 8th is literally our crazies coming together I guess. House person feels it more id have to guess though. I could literally go in about this brief encounter for forever.

South node contacts always

[bluee08]

Astro observations 《3》

Disclaimer : Not an astrologer, take it with a grain of salt, only for fun.

🫧 Asteroid Orma in 8th house might be the people to leave an impression of being hella reserved in a mysterious way. Like they might tell you a story and you will always feel like there is something more to it.

🪩 Mars in 3rd house people often say something offending without meaning to and regret the very next second. Trust me it's not their fault, they wanted to say something else and ended up saying something totally unexpected. They also feel guilty about it for days and feel sad that they might have come off rude for no reason.

🫧 Neptune conjuct ascendant, they are the real chameleons. They can mold themselves as per the situation demands. Ngl it comes handy sometimes. Like I remember when I was in 6th grade I was caught into a very serious matter but I pretended as if nothing happened and flew away. When the other guys rattled me out to the teacher, she said It's impossible that I was involved and that she doesn't believe them. She didn't hear a single word against me. Lol no, I wasn't her favorite student or something. It's just that I had maintained a certain reputation among different sect of people as per my own convenience. Call it manipulation if you want, if that doesn't explain the planet itself.

🪩 Pluto trine Lilith, it's not always sexuality that comes to the mind when we hear about these folk. Lilith here is aware that pluto is her benefactor. But it takes time for her to feel comfortable in her own domain. She is powerful here and knows what she wants. Definitely won't take anyone's bullshit. Her transformation can be scary and ruthless if someone tries to pin her down.

🫧 Jupiter sextile Pluto have a deep interest in forbidden things. Learning things that often people consider taboo is their thrill. They may or may not share the knowledge but they are always resourceful about topics relatated to dark themes of life. Feel free to discuss anything with them, they won't judge you infact they will help you inhance your own boundaries. You will be surprised how normal they'll sound while talking about things that might trigger other people even if they have gone through the same.

🪩 The one guy I had a Aphrodite-Eros synastry with made me feel like...idk strange. I was on a constant pedestal. I cared a lot about him. His Eros conjucted my Aphrodite and I looked out for him a lot. There was a thick sexual tension but also comfort. He also made me get a taste of jealousy. Which I don't usually feel. I used to constantly compare myself with the girls he used to interact with. We were not dating but I just couldn't help but feel insecure. Not because of him....idk why I was acting like that when I knew I was pretty enough.

🫧 Mars opposite Venus people get sudden mood swings from doing absolutely nothing to doing everything in next one hour. Oh and they'll do it again if it ain't asthetically pleasing to the eye.

🪩 Sun sextile Saturn, trust me they do know how to control themselves and take things with a grain of salt. Their ego is well maintained and not fragile unlike others. Very understanding and real mature people.

🫧 Sun sextile/trine Moon are the most compassionate and intuned with their selves. They know themselves better than anyone else. Also they always know exactly what they are feeling at any given time. Even if they are depressed at some point they won't give up easily.

🪩 Neptune negatively aspecting Saturn, dreaming big is easy, isn't it? But when you start implanting those dreams in real life your dreams remain dreams only. Don't worry though. It's a lesson. Don't give up, try harder. Dream as big as you want but at the end of the day remember to open your eyes and start afresh with new motivation. And please don't listen to those who tell you to quit it down. Your dreams are not weird or impossible or too much. Those people are just jealous because of how big your ambitions are and how far you are willing to go for it. Don't restrict your imagination for someone else. Believe yourself, you can do it!

🫧 Pluto in 10th house solar return chart can indicate a huge change in academic life or anywhere you are working at. For better or worse you better take precautions before hand. I am having it this year with mars in 3rd house and trust me from an above average student my grades are becoming poor. If I were to describe my graph I can see it coming downhill like a water slide which is creating quite an impression on my parents as well as my teachers. Note the sarcasm.

🪩 Saturn in 7th house could indicate having no interest in relationships at first or people being afraid to ask you out but when you grow up, settle well, you find yourself looking for your better half, resulting in either meeting them late or doing an arrange marriage.

🫧 Saturn opposite ascendant are the people who often get told that they look unapproachable on first glance. Kind of the 'out of league' vibe surrounds them. Which is not always true but I have noticed people do think twice before approaching them. These sweeties are also damn soft on the inside but for only those who do dare to talk to them. They rarely take the initiative themselves. But come ask help from them and they will risk their lives for you.

🪩 Mercury aspecting chiron could indicate healing your wounds by diving into the world of books. You might like to read or write journals when you are feeling down. There might be a small diary or pages that you have written when you were at your lowest. Its also possible that you start writing a novel or something to help you voice out your pain through written words.

🫧 Sun conjuct asteroid Medusa. Damn! You could have curly hair or hairs that are a lot wavy, thick and voluminated. Highly blessed in hair department. Many people might have praised you or complimented on your hair from a very young age. This could also indiacte a lot of body hair. From top to bottom you have body hair and trust me its not a bad thing. Its a blessing of being powerful, embrace it. It's just a hunch but some may have complimented you on that too.

🪩 Mars in 3rd house can't watch porn without audio or no communication during the deed. They always want to hear the sounds, no, they NeeD to hear the sounds raw! Only visuals is boring for them just as adding some weird music to the video. No, its not creating the mood, its ruining my experience, pls stop it.

🫧 You don't wanna hear someone moan who has their personal planets conjucting asteroid Sirene. Trust me you will get addicted. Its insane and I am not bluffing. Their voice may or may not be as addictive in general but in bed? Or when they want to take something from you? You will be trapped even before you blink. It's dangerous.

🪩 What's with Taurus Mars and Laziness? So much potential and still they study few hours before exam, complete assignments few minutes before submission and still have the audacity to say they will easily pass. Like bro if that's how you pass then I can't imagine how you will top....

🫧 Moon in 4th house people are highly invested in family matters. Family comes first to them and then the rest. The kind of people to tolerate an unhappy married life for the sake of their kids because they can't see their family being split apart.

🪩 Mars aspecting Pluto. It doesn't matter if it is positively aspected or negatively aspected, there is a lot of pent up frustration and anger issues underneath this placement. If provoked or underdeveloped could result in a very sudden and violent rage from this person. Better to leave them alone in such situations.

[lilacmingi]

STARGAZING

My works are 14+ ONLY. If you’re under 14 DO NOT interact with me or any of my works

Pairing: Hufflepuff!Seonghwa x Gryffindor!fem reader

Word count: 5,246

Note: Reminder that this is an imagine from my Wattpad from 2022 so there will not be extra parts or continuations

Seonghwa could hear the whispers from the students around him, he was aware of all the eyes lingering on him as he walked down the halls of Hogwarts. This had been going on for quite some time and it was something he'd like to say he got used to, but he didn't. Every comment made under the breaths of students hurt him, their words sticking with him for days on end.

"He's so scary."

"Is he really a Hufflepuff?"

"Maybe the sorting hat got it wrong."

The sorting hat never gets it wrong. Seonghwa knew that. He knew he was in the right house, he just didn't look the part. Or maybe he didn't look the way people thought Hufflepuffs should look.

He knew he looked intimidating, maybe even scary, but he wasn't. In fact, he was the complete opposite, but no one would know that because no one has ever bothered to approach or get to know him.

He stepped into his last and favorite class, astronomy. It was the one thing he looked forward to every Wednesday. The class took place in the evening just as the sun set, a time when the stars first start to come out. All the students around him seemed to disappear when he was in astronomy. Their comments and stares didn't matter in the slightest. It was just him and the stars.

You scurried into your astronomy class, sliding into your seat just a couple minutes before the bell sounded, indicating the start of class. You heaved a sigh of relief. The walk to the astronomy tower is incredibly long and though you were always prompt, tonight you were worried you wouldn't make it in time.

"Alright class, last time we convened I mentioned that our next class would be a bit different. Do you all remember that?" Professor Sinistra spoke.

A few students nodded in response.

"Good. Tonight, we're studying Jupiter moons and you'll be partnering up with another student to study them. Do try and pair up with someone from another house. I want you all to get to know your classmates."

You watched as people got up from their seats and began to pair off with their chosen partners. It all happened so quickly, you could hardly process it.

Your gaze moved around the vast classroom in search for a partner or your own. Your eyes drifted to the corner of the room where a lone Hufflepuff sat at his desk with a forlorn expression, his eyes cast down on the table. You were quick to notice how everyone seemed to be avoiding him and that didn't sit right with you at all. You hated when people got excluded or alienated for seemingly no reason at all. It made you sick.

Grabbing your things, you approached the boy, standing in front of his table.

"Hi." You greeted.

His eyes became slightly wider as he gazed up at you, clearly not expecting anyone to approach him.

"Hi." He responded quietly, his voice soft and timid.

"I noticed you didn't have a partner yet."

"Yeah."

"Would you like to be partners with me?"

His round eyes stared up at you for a few drawn out moments before he nodded.

"Great." You smiled softly, taking a seat beside him. "I'm Y/n."

"Seonghwa." He responded.

"Alright, everyone seems to be partnered up. That's good. Let's begin." Professor Sinistra announced. "If you'll get your telescopes out and follow me to the roof, we'll start analyzing."

You and your partner grabbed your things and trailed behind the large group of students as they made their way outside.

Sinistra instructed everyone to get out their telescopes and observe the stars, directing the group on which direction to look.

"Way over to the right at that cluster of stars." She pointed.

Holding your telescope to your eye you peered at the galaxy above, looking for any constellations.

"What does everyone see? Anything that look familiar? Perhaps a constellation you've seen in your textbooks?" Sinistra inquired. "Something you learned during first year perhaps?"

"Centaurus." Seonghwa answered.

"Well done, Mr. Park. I've got to keep you all on your toes."

He only gave a faint smile before peering back through his telescope. Your gaze lingered on him for a few moments before you got back to work, your mind more focused on Seonghwa. He seemed shy, that much was obvious. However, you're almost certain he's only that way because of the way others treat him. Now that you think about it, you'd seen him in the halls before in passing and he was always alone. Never had you seen him walking with friends. It was always just him by himself. You think you may have also seen him in astronomy from past years, but you can't be sure.

"Can you not see it?" A voice broke through your thoughts.

Blinking yourself back to reality, you turned to see Seonghwa looking at you expectantly.

"See what?"

"Jupiter."

"Oh. I... zoned out." You murmured. "Sorry."

"It's right there." Seonghwa moved over to you, pointing up at the sky. "The bright one."

"I see it. Thanks."

He only nodded, quietly moving back to look through his own telescope.

"It's quite beautiful, isn't it?" Professor marveled. "The planet stands out from the other stars. It's quite intriguing."

She continued to speak, explaining the planet's position in the sky and listing off a few facts about it before directing the class to migrate back inside, urging everyone to sit with their partners.

Once back in the classroom, you and Seonghwa sat together at his table, an uncomfortable silence hanging in the air between you.

"So, have you been taking astronomy for a few years or is this your first time?" You asked in an attempt to make conversation.

"I've been taking it since first year."

"Me too. I couldn't remember if I had this class with you before or not."

"I tend to keep to myself."

Before you could pry any further, Professor Sinistra spoke up, getting the class' attention.

She opened up a large chart, charming it so that it would float mid-air for everyone to see.

"This is Jupiter, the planet you all just observed outside. This year you'll all be learning about the planet along with its moons and its environment. Does anyone know how many moons Jupiter has?"

"37?" A student guessed.

"That was a good try, but no. It's much more than that."

"50?" Another surmised.

"Not quite."

You raised your hand until you were called on.

"Yes, Miss L/n?"

"80, right?"

"That's correct. Well done." She gave you a small congratulatory nod before addressing the students. "That's a lot of moons, isn't it? Does anyone know how many have been named?"

A silence settled over the class for a moment as Professor Sinistra observed the group, waiting for someone to answer.

Slowly, Seonghwa lifted his hand up.

"Mr. Park? Any guesses?"

"57."

"That's right. You and Miss L/n know your stuff. Good job."

The both of you turned to look each other with small, bashful smiles before avoiding eye contact.

The rest of class was spent listing the names of Jupiter's moons as well as discussing the planet's inhabitable and stormy environment. Seonghwa was quiet, not saying a word as he wrote down notes on his parchment.

Your conversation with him earlier had been abruptly cut short and you wanted to pick up on it, maybe get to know him more, but that would have to wait until later.

As soon as class ended, you turned to speak to Seonghwa, but he was already out of his seat and heading towards the door. You opened your mouth to speak, but it was too late, he had already walked out of the classroom. Your shoulders slumped as you collected your things and walked out the door. On your way back to the Gryffindor dormitory you looked for Seonghwa, hoping to spot him while he was on his way back to his dorm, but you had no luck. Maybe you'd get a chance to talk with him another time.

The next morning at breakfast, you spotted Seonghwa sitting at the Hufflepuff dining table, an empty seat on either side of him and one in front of him. You frowned at the sight, noticing how the other students avoided sitting near him. You despise when people alienate others for no reason, making them feel unwanted and isolated.

Your knee bounced anxiously as you weighed your options, wondering if you should go over and sit with him or not. If you didn't join him, you fear you'd regret it later and it would eat away at you. Plus, you were wanting to talk with him a bit more. Now could be your chance.

Before you could back out or change your mind, you stood up from your seat and made your way over to the Hufflepuff table, making yourself comfortable in the chair across from Seonghwa.

"Hi."

His round eyes gazed at you in surprise.

"H-Hi." He stuttered out, caught off guard by your sudden appearance.

"Is this seat taken?" You asked, noticing the students around him beginning to whisper.

He shook his head.

"Good."

"Why are you over here?" He inquired.

"It looked like you could use some company."

"You don't have to be over here if you don't want to."

"I want to." You responded, adamant on staying.

Seonghwa, who could see that you had no plans on leaving, merely gave a nod going back to eating his breakfast. He didn't know why you chose to sit with him, especially since you had no reason to. Did you want something from him? Maybe it was out of pity. Were you aware of the way others treated him?

"One of my favorite things about Hogwarts is the food. It's nothing like I've ever had before." You commented.

"Yeah. It's good." He responded with a small nod of agreement.

Having a conversation with the timid Hufflepuff proved to be tougher than you originally thought. It was obvious he wasn't used to having someone try and converse with him before. Despite the challenge, you were willing to keep trying.

From then on, you made it a habit to sit with him for every meal. Some of your housemates questioned why you suddenly started hanging out with the "scary" Hufflepuff, but you never gave an answer. It wasn't really their business anyway.

Progress was slow, but Seonghwa did start to open up a bit more during astronomy class. Wether that was because he had to assist in group work or because he felt more comfortable around you, you weren't sure. You hoped it was the latter.

You were seated beside Seonghwa in astronomy class looking over a star chart when you broke the silence.

"Hey, I was wondering if you wanted to go to Hogsmeade with me this weekend." You offered, keeping your voice low so as not to disturb the other students.

"Don't you have friends to go with?"

"A couple, but I'm not really close with them."

"And you're close with me?"

The question came off a bit harsh, catching you by surprise. Seonghwa seemed to realize as he hurriedly looked away, muttering an almost silent apology under his breath.

"Well, no but I thought you might like to tag along." You responded.

He wanted to ask why him, but your offer was nice and he's never been invited out by any students before.

"Okay."

Seonghwa couldn't help but feel a little giddy at the fact that he had plans for the weekend. The closer it got to Saturday, the more excited he became. When the day finally arrived, he found himself standing in front of his small closet in his dorm, wondering what he should wear. He didn't know why he was so concerned about his attire, it's not like this was a date.

Date?

Why would that word even cross his mind?

He didn't know you. You're just partners in astronomy class, that's all. Yes, you spend time together in the dining hall, but you don't know much about each other. The both of you are just... acquaintances.

"Thanks for agreeing to tag along." You thanked Seonghwa as the both of you waited for the train to arrive.

"Thanks for inviting me."

"You're not used to this, are you?" You asked after a beat of silence.

He shook his head.

"That's okay. I won't pry, but you should have fun today."

The massive locomotive rolled to a stop on the tracks, allowing all of the Hogwarts students waiting outside to get on. The both of you went into one of the roomettes on the train, making yourselves comfortable on the cushioned benches inside. He kept to himself, turning his attention to the view outside the window as the train slowly rolled into motion. Something told you this ride would be extremely quiet if you didn't make an attempt to fill the silence in the roomette.

"You took astronomy in past years, right?" You inquired, unsure of how to start a conversation.

He nodded.

"Were you there when that Slytherin stuck his face in front of Professor Sinistra's telescope and scared the daylights out of her?"

A small smile tugged at the corner of Seonghwa's lips as he huffed out a chortle through his nose.

"Yeah. That was pretty good. I did kind of feel bad for her, though."

"Me too."

"How about when that Gryffindor made the Uranus joke?" He asked.

You let out a stifled laugh. "Yeah. It was so lame."

"But funny." He added.

"Definitely."

A couple minutes later, the snack cart came by making you light up with excitement. The kind lady pushing the trolley asked if either of you wanted anything to which you immediately responded with a few of your favorite treats. You noticed Seonghwa ask for a couple small boxes of cauldron cakes.

Thanks to your conversation starter (and some yummy treats from the snack trolley) the ride to Hogsmeade was enjoyable and flew by. Before you knew it, the train was pulling into the station, slowly rolling to a stop, the brakes squeaking in response. You and Seonghwa stepped off the train and headed into town, the familiar smell of tea, sweets, and baked goods lingering in the air.

"Where would you like to go first?" You asked Seonghwa.

"You're the one who invited me. Why don't you choose?"

"Well, I kind of wanted to stop at Gladrags Wizardwear. My parents sent me a little spending money in my last letter and I've been itching to use some of it."

With a nod from Seonghwa, the two of you headed towards the shop.

Upon stepping into the shop, your eyes scanned the clothing racks scattered throughout the store, your gaze stopping on some sweaters that were on display.

You started perusing the cozy garments, pulling one out to hold it up to you to get a vague understanding of how it would fit before placing it back onto the rack.

Seonghwa had followed you over to the sweaters, standing awkwardly as you sifted through them. He knew he couldn't stand there the entire time. You told him he should have fun today, maybe he should loosen up and enjoy this trip.

His eyes moved about the shop, spotting a section that piqued his interest before heading over, leaving you to your sweaters.

"This looks warm." You murmured to yourself, feeling the thickly-knit fabric. It was getting cooler outside and you needed some warmer clothes, the ones you had back at the Gryffindor dorms didn't do the job. Moving about the store, you spotted the sock section, each one having a different wacky pattern on them. Gladrags Wizardwear is known for their quirky socks, so naturally you grabbed a pair, making sure not to get the pair that screams when they need to be washed.

After choosing a few different long-sleeved shirts and a pair of socks you found Seonghwa picking through a stack of pants humming softly to the music playing inside the store. He hadn't noticed you yet, so you took a moment to watch him, listening to his quiet humming, your heart fluttering slightly with adoration. He was actually quite cute, especially like this.

"Find anything?" You inquired, announcing your presence.

His humming immediately ceased as his head snapped up in surprise.

"Oh. Just a cardigan and a pair of pants."

"Would you like to look some more or are you ready to check out?"

"I think I'm done."

With that, the both of you went to check out. You set your items on the counter while Seonghwa did the same.

"You can ring all of his up together." He told the cashier.

Your eyes went wide as you turned to him with your mouth agape. He spared you a passing glance before reaching into his wallet for some coins to pay for the items. Your mouth opened and closed like a fish out of water as you struggled to form words, speechless at Seonghwa's incredibly kind and gentlemanly gesture.

"Could you bag our things separately, please?" He politely requested as the cashier dropped your items in a paper bag.

He said nothing more as he handed the money over, retrieving your bags in silence before the two of you headed out.

As soon as you were outside you spoke up.

"You didn't have to do that. I told you I had money."

"I know." He answered quietly, keeping his eyes focused ahead of him.

You realized you were possibly coming off as ungrateful, but the truth is you were surprised, not expecting a gesture like that.

"Thank you." You murmured shyly. "That was really nice of you."

He only gave a short nod as you proceeded down the streets of Hogsmeade. When passing by shops, you surveyed the items on display, wondering where to go next. There were other clothing stores to shop at, but you were pretty satisfied with what you had.

"Ah. I need more parchment. Is it okay if we stop and get some?" He asked.

"Sure. We can go anywhere you'd like."

The both of you made a brief stop at Scrivenshaft's Quill Shop where Seonghwa purchased some more parchment for school before you took to the streets once again heading to your next destination. It was at that moment you realized you were incredibly hungry. Admittedly, you hadn't eaten a proper breakfast and the snacks on the train hadn't done much to keep your satiated, especially with all the walking around you've done.

"I'm hungry." You announced. "Are you?"

Seonghwa nodded, placing his free hand on his stomach.

"We can go to The Leaky Cauldron and eat, maybe grab a butterbeer? My treat."

The Hufflepuff seemed caught off guard by your offer.

"It's the least I can do after you paid for all my clothes." You added.

It seemed he was about to turn down your offer to pay, so you hurriedly spoke up again before he could.

"Please let me do this for you."

After a few moments he finally relented, nodding his head in agreement.

The Leaky Cauldron was a cozy little pub, dimly lit by candles on chandeliers that dangled from the ceiling, old paintings hung on the rough walls of the establishment.

You and Seonghwa were seated at the end of one of the long tables inside after placing your orders. The low murmur of patrons inside filled the air, the mixed conversations accompanied by the clanking of glasses and chorused laughter. The atmosphere inside was jovial and easygoing, one thing that made the pub so popular, it was the perfect hangout spot.

"So, why did you decide to take astronomy?" You asked.

"I've always enjoyed stargazing and I was curious to know more about them."

You hummed, nodding your head as you listened.

"I guess I was born to like astronomy because my name means star."

"Really?"

He nodded.

"That's so beautiful."

He pressed his lips together, glancing down with pink cheeks.

"My name backwards is hwaseong, which means Mars, so yeah... like I said, born to like astronomy."

Seonghwa felt shy under your wondrous gaze, quickly turning the question on you to save him from getting flustered any more than he already was.

"What about you?"

"Oh. I've always enjoyed searching for constellations. I find it interesting how there are these clusters of bright lights in the sky that connect to make shapes. Like the Little Dipper and Big Dipper, I find it fascinating how the stars are just made like that, naturally in a perfect shape. Also, isn't it crazy how there's all that space up there? There are billions of stars and undiscovered planets."

Seonghwa felt his heart soar as you spoke about the vast and endless space. Hearing you speak so passionately about something he enjoyed made him feel a rush of adoration for you.

Your butterbeer arrived a few moments later, the both of you lightly clinking your glasses before taking a sip.

"I haven't had butterbeer in so long." Seonghwa commented.

"Really?"

He nodded. "My parents brought me here when I first enrolled at Hogwarts, then I stopped by a couple times when our house went to Hogsmeade for the weekend, but I've never had someone to enjoy it with, besides my family, of course."

"You didn't come here with your housemates?"

"I did, but I always sat alone."

Your expression fell, your heart feeling a little heavy upon hearing that. You weren't going to force him to open up, but hearing his confession further confirmed your suspicions about him being treated like an outcast.

"Sorry. I shouldn't have said that." He apologized quietly. "We're supposed to be having fun today."

"No, don't be sorry. We're still having fun." You glanced over, noticing a waitress approaching your table with two plates, a smile forming on your face. "Our food's here."

Seonghwa's face lit up as your dishes were placed in front of you.

After a delicious meal you kept your word and paid for everything, thankfully Seonghwa allowed you to do so. The rest of the day was spent shopping around Hogsmeade. Seonghwa seemed to loosen up a bit after your stop at The Leaky Cauldron, the walls he's built up seeming to fall down, even just a little. You felt like you'd gotten a glimpse of the real him.

Monday rolled around and you were sat in the study hall reading through your astronomy book, your tired eyes scanning over the same paragraph repeatedly, unable to comprehend most of it. A sigh of exasperation pushed past your lips, your head dropping into your hands. The homework in astronomy was always quite arduous, but it was never this bad. It was causing you so much mental strain you felt like you were about to cry or give up completely, maybe both.

About that time, Seonghwa was walking past, pausing when he spotted you in the study hall hunched over an open book with your head in your hands. The corners of his mouth twitched downward slightly, his chest feeling a little heavy seeing you distressed.

Should he check on you?

You've been good to approach him and you've been nothing but kind to him since the day you met, maybe he should return the favor.

A tap on your shoulder pulled you from your almost mental (and emotional) breakdown. Slowly, you lifted your head to find Seonghwa looking down at you with round, worried eyes. To say you were surprised was an understatement. This was the first time he approached you.

"Are you okay?" He whispered.

"Oh. Yeah, I'm fine." You waved him off.

"You don't look fine."

Your form deflated, shoulders slumping in defeat.

"For the first time in a long time, I'm struggling with astronomy." You admitted.

"Do you... need help?"

Seonghwa noticed Madam Pince glancing in his direction and took a seat beside you so as not to cause a distraction.

You were about to decline his offer when he sat down, your words dying on your tongue.

He gestured to your open astronomy book, waiting for an answer. You just nodded.

Leaning over, his eyes scanned the pages to see what it was you were trying to understand. Having him close to you had your cheeks heating up, however you did your best to take your mind off it and focus on the task at hand.

"Ah." Seonghwa nodded. "This basically means..."

He proceeded to explain the words on the page in a much simpler way, making everything abundantly clearer.

You huffed out a soft chuckle. "I can't believe I couldn't understand that."

"You're probably exhausted. If you look at something for a long time it can sometimes get harder to understand. How long have you been in here?"

"A couple hours."

"This work isn't due for another week, why don't you take a break? You can always come back to it later. Why don't we..." He trailed off, realizing what he was about to say.

Don't be a coward, Seonghwa.

"Why don't we go for a walk?"

Your face lit up at his offer. "That sounds good. I might actually need that."

After gathering your book, you and Seonghwa left the study hall and started making your way down the partially empty corridors of the school, the torches on the walls casting flickering shadows along the bricks.

The both of you walked in silence for a couple minutes before you spoke up.

"It might sound crazy, but it feels like my mind is already clearer."

"If you step away from something for a while and come back later, you tend to see things you didn't before. A word search for example, you stare at it for so long you can't find any words, so you take a break and come back later and suddenly you spot one of the words you were having so much trouble with."

"Yeah." You nodded. "That's a good way to describe it."

Your joint footsteps echoed softly as you both proceeded down the corridor going in no particular direction. The majority of your walk was silent, but it wasn't uncomfortable, in fact it was actually rather peaceful.

It was when Seonghwa started veering off towards one of the large windows in the school that your attention was grabbed.

You wordlessly followed him over, leaning against the wall while he took a seat on the windowsill.

"No one has treated me the way you have." He admitted suddenly, staring out the window.

"How so?"

"People avoid me, if you haven't noticed already. They're intimidated by me because I look mean, I guess."

"You don't look mean." You frowned.

It was true, he didn't. There were times when you saw him focusing hard in astronomy class and he did look intimidating, but mean? Never.

"A bunch of other people seem to think so. They call me scary. Some even think I should have been sorted into Slytherin. They say the sorting hat was wrong."

"The sorting hat is never wrong." You responded almost sternly.

"I know."

"And not all Slytherins are mean, don't they know that?"

"Apparently not." He chuckled bitterly.

You let out a sigh, placing your hand on top of his.

"Listen to me Seonghwa, you have me now and I will always be here for you. I don't know if you consider us friends, but I do and friends are there for each other."

He gave you a gentle smile, shifting his hand to where it rested on yours instead, his fingers curling around your palm, the gesture bringing heat to your cheeks.

"I want to be more than friends."

That's what he wanted to say, but he couldn't.

Luckily, he didn't have to.

"I like you."

The confession slipped from your mouth before you could stop it, your eyes going wide at your own words. Seonghwa seemed just as shocked as you, his wide eyes and bewildered expression showing exactly how he felt.

"I'm sorry." You blurted. "I-I didn't mean to say that out loud. That was completely unintentional."

Seonghwa's mind scrambled to come up with a response. You like him? You like him?

He may not have shown it, but he liked you too—a lot. When you first met he was a bit skeptical of you, but after spending more and more time around you, he found himself feeling differently. Instead of being wary, he welcomed you. His heart skipped a beat when you approaching him during every meal, coming to sit with him at his house table.

You liking him was hard to wrap his mind around, but he felt the exact same way about you.

Your hand let go of his, pulling him from his jumbled thoughts.

"This is so embarrassing." You murmured, humiliated by your slip up, the lack of response from Seonghwa making you feel even worse.

You were prepared to leave when Seonghwa's hand reached out, his slim fingers encircling your wrist.

"I like you too."

His voice was so soft, almost wavering.

"You don't have to say that."

"I do. I know I haven't opened up completely to you, but knowing that you like me even though I'm mostly closed off and don't always initiate a conversation means more than you know. You're the first person to willingly approach me and stick by my side. No one has ever tried to be my friend, granted, I haven't tried to be anyone's friend either. I've been so used to being avoided I assumed no one wanted to befriend me, let alone date me."

You grabbed his face, making him look at you.

"You're worthy of being loved. And I want to get to know the real you, the Seonghwa I saw at Hogsmeade."

He blinked a couple times, his eyes becoming glossy as your words tugged at his heartstrings. You're too sweet, too compassionate, too pretty, too perfect.

He wanted to kiss you so bad.

His hand hooked around the back of your neck, tugging you to him as his lips made contact with yours, all of this happening within a matter of seconds. Your eyelids fluttered closed, fingers moving to his dark hair as you relished in the feeling of his pliant, soft lips moving slowly and passionately against yours. His fingertips rubbed the nape of your neck sending a shiver down your spine. Your reaction made him chuckle softly, his laughter vibrating against your mouth. Seonghwa was quick to deepen the kiss, his head tilting to slot your mouth s closer together as his free hand slid around your waist, pulling you flush against him, standing between his legs.

You were grateful that the students lingering in the hallway had left, or else you'd be the center of attention.

His kisses quickly became heated, fingers squeezing at your waist, running up and down your sides as blissful sighs escaped the both of you.

You parted ways after some time, gazing at each other with half-lidded eyes, huffing out short breaths, reeling after that mind-blowing kiss. Seonghwa's thumb ran over your bottom lip languidly as his tongue darted out to wet his own.

"So, what now?" You asked.

"We should start planning to go on a date soon."

"What did you have in mind?"

"Stargazing."

It was impossible to hold back the grin spreading across your face.

"Let's do it."

Hongjoong ⟡ Yunho ⟡ Yeosang ⟡ San ⟡ Mingi ⟡ Wooyoung ⟡ Jongho

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[mask131]

Just a quick reminder of something, because I saw people talk about this on recent posts...

So, I made a TON of posts explaining why it is important to remember that the Roman gods are not the Greek gods per se - as in, the Romans had a different view and perception of the Greek gods, and so ended up creating yes, mostly equivalents and counterparts to the Greek gods, but with their own religious and cultural significance slightly different from the Greek deities - each culture having its focus on a different thing. (Aphrodite became more of a motherly and national goddess, Hermes became suddenly very merchant and commerce obsessed and not much of a thief anymore, Poseidon's rule extended to all waters not just the sea, Ares became a god of peace and agriculture?) Etc, etc.

However I now see people taking this way further than it should. I am not surprised because that's what people do on the Internet, you tell them one thing and they extrapolate it all.

But so you know, the difference between Greek and Roman gods is only valuable and interesting by the times of the Ancient Greek and Romans themselves.

When you go by the Renaissance, or by the modern eras that followed it, you'll notice that all paintings and books and sculptures are about the Roman gods - Jupiter, Juno, Neptune, Venus, Mercury, Vulcan and whatnot. Does it mean they are about the Roman gods? NOT AT ALL! They're all about the Greek gods mainly, but mixed with some Roman elements.

That's something some people are apparetly not aware of, so I'll try to briefly summarize it for ya... By the Middle-Ages, people knew of what we call today the "Classical mythology" mostly and mainly through the Roman texts and authors. Later by the Renaissance some of the Greek texts and authors were rediscovered, shared around and used a lot - not all though, as the rediscovery of Ancient Greece would be slow and steady, and we still find new fragments of Greek texts today! But here's the gist: the Roman texts and legends having been there before the Greek ones in people's cultures and heads... By the Renaissance and forward, the Roman names of the gods were the one used by default. For them these names were the famous and recognizable ones, and almost the "truest" of their names... Even when depicting entirely Greek myths and legends.

Because that's the subtle trick of Renaissance and all that would follow: the Greek texts and legends being THE big piece everybody was talking about and discussing about, the gods depicted in the arts and fiction by these eras were mostly and mainly their Greek versions. But, due to the "I was here first" and pre-eminence of the Roman literature and culture in Europe, these Greek identites and personas of the gods were refered to by their Roman names, and the Greek myths coexisted with the Roman legends. And that's the whole point: throughout the history of modern Europe, the difference between Roman and Greek god does not matter because they were conflated and unified into one and same set of entity, and people didn't care about the difference.

Which is what led to today's belief that "Roman gods are just the Greek gods by a different name" - and also led to stuff like this horrible thing I experienced as a teenager when the teacher supposed to teach us about Latin, when talking about the Roman gods, just handed to us a description of the Greek gods and told us to just swap the Greek names with the Roman ones (this teacher was an AWFUL awful teacher, not mean, but very bad at her job).

Because yes, that's the irony: you'd think that because people were more familiar with Roman mythology and the Romans personas of the gods during the Middle-Ages and the Renaissance, the Roman gods would have overshadowed the Greek ones, but in effect that's the reverse. The Roman gods being erased by the Greek gods: which is why people still think today Mars is a bloodthirsty war god, or that Minerva has all the attributes of Athena, or that Mercury was just as much a god of thieves as of legal business. The main problem today isn't to highlight the purely Greek things - because the Ancient Greeks have won this historical battle. The problem is pointing out how the Roman gods had their own unique thing on the aside that the Greek gods did not.

In conclusion: yes, you can use paintings of Jupiter to illustrate an article about Zeus, because at the time they were made, the artist probably was thinking about Zeus but just used a different name.

[kakiastro]

The 4th House: Your Inner World

We do not talk about the 4h enough on here! This area in life can really reveal what’s happening in a person life that they don’t show in public.

-when ppl think of the 4h, the first thought is family. This shows you how you were raised, the type of home environment you grew up in. It indicates the type of themes you will face into your adulthood that reflects your childhood. This also show the emotional state of your family. If you have any planets in your 4h, you may have several family members with that planetary sign rulers, or whatever sign you have your mercury in:

Example: if you have Mercury Scorpio living in your 4h, you may several family members with Gemini/3h, Virgo/6h, Scorpio/ 8h placements somewhere in there chart.

- the 4h rules your whole family ancestry on your mother side. You can see the struggles and successes they had. The ruler of your 4hsign and placement can give you even more insight. Your 4h is like your genealogy just without the names, places and things. However, you can see the energy and what was passed down to you. This is where family stories that’s been passed down to you comes into play, write those down and look at your 4h. Even if you don’t know much about your family history, study your mom or grandmother life, that reveals patterns that was passed down to them and you.

-this actually shows who a person is underneath the surface. The 4h literally sits at the bottom of your chart. It’s the anchor, the thing that keeps you grounded. Despite what you show to your everyone else (10h), your 4h is who you are when you’re at home in your undies, your naked here.

Example: a person with a Mars 4h has a very active home life, there’s always something going on(good or bad). They may feel themselves at home then out in public. If they invite you to their house, you’ll see a completely different person than you thought you knew.

-you know the phrase “who raised yall?” All that can be seen in the 4h. Now Saturn rules over parenting but the 4h shows how that played out. How you were raised (4h) shows up in your very public life. Now if the ruler of your 4h shows up in a public house, everyone may knows your business.

Example: Kim Karsashian 4h planet ruler is in her 1h. The 1h is literally you, with the 4h in her house, her family is a main part of her image and life this incarnation.

-a A LOT of people don’t know this because it’s not that taught in a lot of public spaces but the 4h is connected to your death. The 4h rules endings of life. When people think of death, they think of Pluto because it rules over death. It’s a different kind of death though. So, the 4h is when you actually leave this realm but the 8h is the process and transformation of your death. It’s also what you left to those you love such as your beneficiaries etc. I hope this is making sense lol. Let me know if you want me to make a separate post on this topic

Example: Kurt Cobain has a 4h Sagittarius with ruler Jupiter in Cancer 10h. First, his death was very public globally, and is still talked about to this day(Sag). Everyone has there own opinions and ideal on his death which is also very Sagittarius He passed in his home(Cancer 10).

*DONT go looking at your chart trying to predict your death either after this nor don’t message me asking if I can read your chart about it. The answer is No! You’ll just give yourself anxiety and drive yourself cray. If you’re alive, focus on your mission only, focus on Life!!

- on the spiritual side of things, the 4h rules over your Soul family and soul ancestry. This is different than your regular family that you were born into. This family are the ones who’s been with you for several lifetimes and dimensions. Now, some of you family members may be apart of your soul family but this isn’t the case for everyone.

I’ll end this post here but I am open for full natal chart readings, check my pin page to see other options! Happy July!!

[mondstaub1]

Not like they expected us to be

My first Jasico fanfiction idea- enjoy

Summary: Jason is not a womanizer like his father or brothers and wonders if something is wrong with him. Enter Nico di Angelo

Jason is used to being compaired to his father and brothers (espically hercules/heracles). It has been a heavy weight on his shoulders for as long as he can remember. But the thing is, he isn't like his father or his brothers in almost all aspects. Still as a son of Jupiter certain things are expected of him and he found it hard to keep up sometimes but he never imagined that his love/sex life would be such a difficult thing for him to master.

No matter if greek or roman myths one thing they all have in commen: Jasons father is a horny bastard. The man couldn't keep it in his pants if his life depended on it. If it can be fucked he did, gender, form or concent be damned. Many of his sons followed a simular patern (his daughters swore of men and became virgin warrior goddesses. Let that sink in) and his mortal children were rarely diffrent either. Hercules was married around 14/15 and fathered over 50 sons by the time he turned 18. So naturally Jason was expected to have a simualr apitite when it came to lovers but he didn't. It just didn't come natural to him. Sure girls had often flirted or just straight up offered to sleep with him but Jason had always denied them. It did not feel right.

Once he hit puperty it became a nightmare, people began to stare and wisper and Jason fought with himself to stay composed and not blush in shame. Other boys were different, they often talked about girls and what they wished to do with them. Jason couldn't get it. Sure the fact that the most important girl in his life was Reyna and even suggesting things like that to her would get him castrated at the very least. Not that he would do it even if she would agree. He loved Reyna but just not like that, he could not imagine himself sexually with her or anyone for that matter.

He tried to push the thought down, it wasn't important, espacially not with everything else going on.

For a short time he thought himself in love with Piper, she was beautiful and smart, a daughter of Aphrodite and everything that he was told he should want in a girl. Lupa aproved the match but the problem was that, at the end of the day Jason did not. When the mist of confusion and attraction that clowed his mind wore off he quickly realised that he has no attraction to Piper at all. Something he had to tell her after she had tried to go for a kiss. Jason has never kissed anyone before and something inside him told him that she was not the right one.

Nearly everyone who learned of his rejection of Piper looked at him like he was crazy. They thought him his father's son and Jupitor would have never rejected such an opportunity. It made him unconfortable. Some looked at him like he was defect, they often metioned his father or brothers and their many conquests. Jason wanted to scream.

One of the few peole who did not compair him to his father was Nico di Angelo. When Jason had asked him why the boy raised an eyebrown and answered: "If you were anything like your father then I would hate you. I don't and you're no so I see no point in it." Maybe it had something to do with the fact that many still mistreaded or jugded the son of Hades unfairly for his own parentage but Jason kept that thought to himself.

As time passed he and Nico became closer and for the first time in his life Jason fell in love. He wanted to be around Nico, wanted to kiss him, be with him. It was nothing like the fling that many expected of him but he didn't care. Being with Nico made him happy, made his skin burn and his heart beat faster. When they first kissed, shy and unsure and fubeling like the boys they were Jason knew that is was more meaningful then any amont of flings could ever be

[vivalas-vega]

new perspectives / jake ‘hangman’ seresin x reader / part eight

hello !!! I’m back !!! this parts got a whopper in it, apologies in advance, but it’s got a nice ending and something to look forward to if that’s any consolation :) 

new perspectives / jake ‘hangman’ seresin x reader / part eight

add yourself to my taglist

prologue - one - two - three - four - five - six - seven

word count: 3k

warnings: language, drinking, I think that’s it?

You felt entirely on edge as your knee bounced erratically sitting in the uncomfortable chair across from your chief of surgery, a million thoughts racing through your mind that you couldn’t really make any sense of. Were you really doing this? Was this really something you were going to go through with? 

“I have to say, I was surprised by your interest, Jupiter,” he said as he organized the papers in front of him and you let out a humorless chuckle.

“No more surprised than I am, sir.” you replied and he sensed the hesitation in your voice.

“Do you need more time to think it over?” he asked and you shook your head. This was the right decision, the right move… not just for your career but it was simply the right thing to do. 

“No, I… I’m sure, I just… I haven’t told anyone yet,” you sighed and you immediately felt your stomach twist in guilt as you said it. You hadn’t told anyone. Not your parents, not your friends, not Jake. Deep down you knew he would be supportive, he would understand… your friends too, they’d understand better than anyone, probably… maybe. You wouldn’t know for sure until you told them. You signed all of the paperwork before asking if you could have the rest of the day, which you were easily granted. You’d be on a lighter rotation the next week, less cases and less time in the hospital to get your life in order.

You stood in the attending’s lounge, changing into your normal clothes… Jake always joked and called them your civvies too, different careers but same little quirks. You felt sick, honestly, to have something so big happening in your life that you hadn’t told him about. This never happened, not since you were ten years old. He knew everything, you simply never could keep anything from him, not what you had for breakfast and not that one time you embarrassingly had to get stitches back in your residency because you slipped in a puddle of blood and cracked your head open - something you still hadn’t quite lived down with your old friends. But this? This was bigger than all of that, potentially the biggest thing you’ve ever had to tell him. 

You sat along the beach in front of the Hard Deck as you waited, eyes so fixated on the push and pull of the ocean you almost didn’t notice the figure dropping down beside you, and you turned to face him with a jump. “This is all very cryptic, Jupiter.” Rooster said, eyeing you curiously. “Is there a specific reason you called and said meet me at the beach before hanging up or was that your way of saying you want to hang out more?” he asked, trying to add a joking tone but the look on your face told him there was something more going on.

“I’m going to the middle east,” you said, deciding not to beat around the bush and the look of shock on his face was not missed by you.

“You’re going… to the middle east?” he asked, trying to process it. “For vacation, or…?”

“With the Army,” you replied and his eyes widened further than you thought they could.

“You’re being deployed? You joined the Army?” his face twisted up in disgust at the last one… of all the branches why couldn’t it have been his own? “When did this happen?”

“A few weeks ago… we had a visiting surgeon, he was teaching the trauma department updated techniques rooted in efficiency, and we got a crash course in disaster response. He and I got to talking afterwards, he said he saw something in me, something that reminded him of himself, he frequently goes on tours where he’s needed to offer medical support.”

“So you joined the Army because this dude saw something in you and just said hey wanna come to the middle east?” he asked and you softly smiled, this was good. This was the reaction you were anticipating, Rooster was a trial run and he was doing exactly what you needed to give you the confidence to tell everyone else.

You shook your head, “I’ve always felt drawn to this, I don’t know if I’ve ever told you this story but to keep it brief during my residency I had to go in the field to respond to a trauma, gnarly train crash… it was exhilarating, if that’s not an entirely fucked up thing to say, there’s something different about being there in the moment when it feels like the sky is falling and there’s no time to get them to a hospital, or even no hospital to get them to.”

“I mean, I get it… I’d be a hypocrite to tell you I didn’t, different context but same calling. I just… this is kind of insane, Jupiter.”

You nodded, “I know. When he told me that he was leaving with a group in a few weeks I just couldn’t stop thinking about it. I really tried to push past it and tell myself it wasn’t real, it was just a fun simulation, but then the train crash dawned on me and I realized I’ve been wanting to do something like this for a while. And it just makes sense to me, you know? There’s a shortage of medical personnel, even fewer surgeons. It feels like the right thing to do.”

“Have you talked to Jake, does he know?”

“No. You were my practice run,” you joked. “How’d I do?”

“Well, you got to the point… gave clear and precise answers, but J… I’m not in love with you. The fear I feel about you going over there into active warzones doesn’t even compare to what Jake’s going to feel.”

You gasped, “you’re not in love with me?” you asked, placing a hand over your chest in faux shock and he just shoved your shoulder at your attempt to lighten the mood.

“Cut it out,” he chuckled. “I was a shitty practice run, you know I’m never going to tell you not to do something you feel called to do no matter how much I want to throw you in a padded room until this desire of yours fades, but Jake? I mean, he just got you back, you two just got settled into the routine of being back together, and now you’re going to tell him you’re shipping out to a warzone.”

“I know, the timing sucks.”

“You’re really sure about this?” he asked and you nodded. “Because, J… you’re going to come back different, you’re going to see things, do things… this is one of those decisions you can’t undo.”

“I know, it’s not going to be easy… for me, for Jake, for the rest of you but, I really think I need to do this, Roo.”

“Well, I think you’re brave. And I’m really proud of you,” he said, wrapping an arm around you as you settled into his side. “But really? The Army?”

You let out a laugh, “if it makes you feel any better I didn’t join the Army, I’m not suddenly active duty. It’s just a three-month tour, think of it like being a private contractor.”

“That does make me feel better, otherwise I might have had to limit our interactions… appearances and all,” he said and you laughed again. “Now come on, you’ve gotta get inside,” he said, pulling you up with him and you looked at him questioningly.

“I have to?” you asked as he tugged you along, “what’s the rush for lukewarm beer?”

“Can’t tell you that, I don’t know if you’re going to find the timing of this terrible or perfect but that’s not up to me.” he said and now you were thoroughly confused as he held the door open for you.

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” But, it didn’t matter, he was gone just as quickly as you’d walked into the bar and you smiled as Jake saw you and wrapped you up in a hug.

“There you are, sweetheart, you okay?” he asked, seeing the squirrelly look in your eyes and you nodded, shaking off your conversation with Rooster as you accepted the beer he’d handed you. 

“Yeah,” you nodded. “Rooster’s just being a tad bit bizarre,” you answered and he chuckled.

“Well, that’s what he does.” he replied and you nodded with a laugh as he led you towards your friends and you narrowed your eyes as everyone had a rather mischievous look on their faces. You heard the piano begin the opening notes of Drops of Jupiter and you gathered that’s where Rooster had run off to in a hurry.

“Okay, what is going on?” you asked as you turned around and you furrowed your brows when Jake was no longer there before adjusting your eye line to see him on one knee before you and you brought your hand up to cover your mouth in shock as your heart pounded in your ears. I don’t know if you’re going to find the timing of this terrible or perfect. It all made sense now.

“Jupiter, I have loved you since I was ten years old… It just took me until junior year to realize it and I’ve known it every day since. We’ve spent the majority of our lives following our own dreams until they led us right back to each other and even though it was difficult I wouldn’t change our story for anything… Being able to watch you grow into yourself and become an amazing surgeon has been the single greatest joy of my life, and I’m so excited for us to finally grow together. I’ve wanted to do this since the moment you got to San Diego, so will you do me the honor of finally becoming my wife?” he asked, eyes full of hope as he flicked the box open to reveal the ring you’d loved since you were little and you felt tears slip down your cheeks as you looked at him. The entire bar had gone silent waiting for your answer and you could feel your friends fighting to stay contained behind you as they watched.

“Yes,” you whispered, there were so many things up in the air, so many things you had to tell him but this was an easy answer. You would have said yes to a ring pop in the aisle of a convenience store. The entire bar erupted in cheers as he stood and slid it onto your finger before pulling you in for a searing kiss. Rooster was still playing the melody in the background but you could hear his sounds of celebration from across the bar and you giggled as Jake released you. You were swept up, the rest of the gang wanting to see the ring and crush you in hugs and when the song ended and the jukebox kicked back on you felt Rooster’s arms on you as he came up behind you.

“You need to talk to him,” he whispered in your ear as you rested your hands on his forearms.

“I know, just… not right now,” you said as the two of you watched him excitedly talk with Phoenix.

“I’m really happy for you, J,” he said, kissing your cheek as he let you go and you gave him a gracious smile before walking down to the bar.

“Let me see!” Penny nearly yelled at you and you held out your hand with a laugh as she examined it thoroughly. “He picked a good one,” she said as she set a drink in front of you.

You chuckled, “oh no, as good as he is I basically picked this out when I was thirteen years old,” you replied. “This was one of his grandma’s rings.”

“That’s so special,” she said as Maverick side-swiped you and wrapped you in a hug that had you letting out a surprised squeal. 

“The first Dagger wedding!” he said as you laughed, “I’m so happy for the both of you.”

“Thank you, Mav,” you replied, face hurting from the splitting smile you couldn’t seem to wipe off your face but in the back of your mind you knew it couldn’t last… you were leaving in a week and only one person in this bar knew. You let Jake twirl you around the bar, creating a dance floor where there wasn’t one as your friends shrouded you in love, watching through misty eyes as the two of you enjoyed your bubble of bliss. When the song ended you looked up at him, imprinting this moment into your mind before you drove a wrecking ball through it and you stood on your tiptoes to whisper in his ear talk with me outside?

Your friends watched as you slipped out the door before they went back to their normal routines, assuming the two of you were taking a moment alone but Rooster knew better and he gave you a supportive smile when you caught his eyes. “How are you feeling, future Mrs. Sersein?” he asked and you beamed up at him.

“I like the way that sounds… but it’s future Dr. Seresin, thank you very much,” you corrected and he let out a laugh.

“My apologies, darling,” he said, wrapping his arms around your waist and you were silent for a moment, fixating on your hands currently pressed against his chest and his eyebrows furrowed as he noticed your change in demeanor. “Hey, are you okay?”

“I have something to tell you,” you said suddenly and even you were taken aback by how you spit that out.

“Okay?” he prompted, leading you to the chairs on the other side of the patio where you sat and avoided his expectant stare.

“Do you remember how I was telling you about that Army doctor who came to town a few weeks ago?” you started and he nodded.

“Yeah, the disaster training you wouldn’t stop yammering about,” he teased and you just gave him a sad smile. “Why do you ask?”

“Well, uh… oh, this was so much easier with Rooster.” you sighed and now he was really concerned.

“What does Rooster know that I don’t?”

“He told me about a tour heading out next week to the middle east, a three-month rotation. I… I tried not to think about it, to pretend I didn’t want to go, but I really, really wanted to go and before I could fully stop myself I signed up.”

“You signed up? What does that mean?”

“It means next week I’m shipping out to the middle east,” you said, and you watched him process your words. “For three months.” 

“Okay, uh…” he started, trying to gather his thoughts. “This is set in stone, then? You’ve fully signed yourself up?” You nodded, wishing he would stop asking questions and get to the part where he’s mad at you. “And you didn’t think to talk to me about this?”

“I wanted to… but I was focusing more on trying to talk myself out of it and then it was like a fever dream, I was suddenly calling that Army doc and telling him to put me on the list.” 

“Did you think I was going to get mad at you? Is that why you talked to Rooster first?” he asked and you didn’t miss the tone of hurt in his voice.

You nodded again, “he was my trial run, as weird as that is.” 

“I don’t think it’s weird, honey, he’s your best friend, as much as that’s something that doesn’t make sense to me, talking to him first does, I just… you and I are best friends and partners, you’ve gotta talk to me before you make big decisions like this.”

“I know, I’m sorry,” you said, tears welling in your eyes and he was quick to wipe them away when they fell.

“Well, if you had talked to me before you took this on all by yourself, I would have told you that I want you to do what makes you happy, and if that means doing this tour then I support you. Am I mad you kept me in the dark? Totally, but you and I have been making big decisions separately for almost a decade, it’s going to take time to get used to being partners again.” he said and you couldn’t stop yourself from crying. “This terrifies me, J, but this is just who you are… you want to help people, even if that means shipping yourself off somewhere dangerous. How could I ever fault you for that?”

“You’re not mad that I’m going?” you asked in disbelief and he let out a soft laugh.

“Of course not, sweetheart.” He wrapped his hands around yours that sat in your lap. “You’re going on a deployment, do you know how much of an ass I would be if I even tried to be mad at you for that? I’m going to do this to you at some point, granted I never thought I’d be on the opposite end of this situation, but we’ll figure it out. We always do.”

“I love you so much, you know that?” you asked as he tugged you up and pulled you into his lap.

“Not as much as I love you,” he replied, pressing a kiss to your lips. 

“I want to get married,” you said and he laughed at you.

“Sweetheart, we are… unless you wildly misunderstood what that just was in there.”

“No, right now, this week… before I leave,” you said and his eyes widened.

“Are you serious?”

“Completely, I… I know we’re not talking about the danger aspect because we both understand and we don’t need to get into it but there is danger and… I don’t want anything holding you back from getting answers or being the first one contacted if something does happen.”

“Yes,” he said, kissing you again. “I thought you were going to make me wait a whole year to finally call you my wife.” 

“Never,” you replied, giggling as he swept you up and carried you back towards the bar. “We’re going to be good, right?”

“Better than good.”

previous / next

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[alexwritingspot]

Assuming I read that right and you want to know our OCs, here we go...

Name: Milread "Millie" Leith

Age: Physically 15, Chronologically 113 (she was on the Titanic, fought a sea monster, got frozen Captain America style, thaws out in the modern day)

Godly parent: Neptune

Nationality: Scottish

Something you like/dislike: (curious about this one, do you mean what *I* (dis)like or the character (dis)likes?)

:-)

A/n: Yep darling, that was what I intended! BTW your character’s concept is so cool?? Like- I love it.

Headcanons

꧂ When Millie first was introduced to the wolf goddess was totally weirded out. Was an animal talking to her? Next thing she knew she had to find this camp or whatever.

꧂ She was really confused at first. This was America, but she remembered the ship sinking, and fighting that strange creature…

꧂ During her journey to find camp Jupiter she found really strange how almost every girl wore jeans or trousers so freely. Why weren’t men criticising them?

꧂ Once she arrived at camp Jupiter, almost losing her life to some different monsters, she found out it wasn’t 1912 anymore. She thought it was a big joke until someone explained to her that it was now 2024. ꧂ She immediately clicked with Jason and Reyna

꧂ First time that she tried a smoothie in New Rome she was kinda of amazed. Like- humanity had invented lot of stuff? (No one had still told her about phones)

꧂ Neptune recognised her when she first won the War game and she was kinda of disappointed. Wasn’t Neptune a not so popular god between Romans?

꧂ Quickly got over her disappointment when she found out she had powers.

꧂ Like, they were so cool?? 100% questioned herself if she should eat fish or not. Did that imply that she was eating her “people”….?

꧂ Totally was worried when Jason disappeared. People don’t just disappear, right?

꧂ Wasn’t that much of a surprise that there was another camp for demigods. Much more surprising was that at Camp Half-blood there weren’t demigods of 2 generations.

꧂ Wanted to help the 7 in their mission but ended up helping Reyna instead by taking her position momentarily.

꧂ Totally relieved once the war ended and Gaea was defeated.

꧂ Got along well with demigods from Camp Half-blood, I mean- who cares if they’re Greek??

꧂ She helped Jason with his projects before… ya know.

꧂ People at camp Jupiter thought that Millie was really cool. This girl not only was Roman and she had mastered fighting skills and formations, she also could control the sea

꧂ Found Percy annoying in the start, he was like an annoying little brother (which he technically was) but they eventually developed the best sister-brother bond.

꧂ They have matching bracelets and no one can tell me anything else. They are like those cheap strings bracelets that you buy on the beach, and they are just perfect.

꧂ It took her some times to keep up with modern times, but she eventually managed to get everything (She totally loved that girls could wear trousers)

——————————————————————————-

a/n pt 2: Hope this was what you were looking for! Thanks for requesting lovely 🧡

[mercurytrinemoon]

Some recent thoughts on planets at 29°

as inspired by Linkin Park

Ever since Biden dropped out I keep thinking about the 30th degree and how it connects to endings and to critical moments in life.

To those who don't know, Biden dropped out from the 2024 race during a Full Moon that took place at 29° of Capricorn: the last degree is about closures, quite literally then. The sign of Capricorn, on the other hand, is about people at power and authority. Saturn as the sign's ruler also symbolises elderly age and retirement. And we doble down on the latter especially with the last degree.

It got me thinking again yesterday with Linkin Park's comeback. To not much of a surprise, Rob (their drummer) has stepped away from music. We don't have his birth time and on the day he was born, both Sun AND Mars changed signs from Cap to Aquarius... Now, I know what you're thinking, we're not 100% sure then where his planets are at. But giving the circumstances, I think it's safe to say it is 29° of Cap indeed. Plus, he had back issues so I always assumed he's a Capri Sun (although back pain is a common drummer issue but that aside).

Rob quite literally went into hiding for the last few years and he barely showed up in any way for anniversaries. He often didn't even respond to Mike Shinoda's messages, as I remember from his twitch streams.

Their bassist, Dave also has Mars at 29° of Capricorn.

With Sun it's different - Sun is visibility, your vitality, your presence in the world. You reaffirm and claim your place in the world with your Sun.

So what I'm trying to say, planets at 30th degree are about crisis. And it's about in what that crisis shows up and if it affect you directly or your surroundings. Both Dave and Rob were a part of a tragic situation of loosing Chester - it affected their lives, their career, their mental state, their path in life but not them physically.

Now, for example, my mom has Jupiter at 29° Gemini and her crisis in life is about physical health. My father has Jupiter at 29° Libra and his crisis was traumatic experience with an ill father, going broke and also physical and mental health.

And I know everyone has their struggles in life but this is about a truly critical moments where direction of your life changes and something dies with it. I'm giving you negative examples but maybe it doesn't have to be strictly negative? Maybe it's shaking but not always inherently bad? Just like the Tower card in tarot doesn't always has to be tragic.

In Linkin Park's case, I knew Rob won't be back but I was hoping, maybe, just maybe Pluto now finally going back to the last degree of Capricorn will drag him out of his cave... unfortunately it buried him even more with a definite "I'm not coming back", which breaks my heart to be honest.

Funnily, the infamous coundown that ended and started counting up from zero? That was when Venus was at 29° of Virgo opposing Neptune at 29° - they closed a huge chapter and started a new one.

So, do really pay attention to the last degree of each sign. Whether it's a transit or a natal placement.

[lokischocolatefountain]

Chapter 1– If Your Daughter Needs a Void

Everyone Loves Contractors

Everyone in Jackson had a role to play, a responsibility to fulfil towards the community. They all fit together like pieces of a puzzle. Except for Joel Miller who knew how to protect and make deals but not to chaperone children’s dances and bring cookies to the bake sale. Ellie was his purpose and he would do anything from heinous crimes to social events if it put that toothy smile back on her face. Luckily for him, he isn’t the only single parent in town who could relate.

Navigation: Chapter 1, Chapter 2

Fandom: The Last of Us (TV)

Pairing: Joel Miller x Reader

Word Count: 3.3k words

A/N: I am not immune to Pedro Pascal. Something I looove seeing in TLOU is its age appropriate relationships like with Joel and Tess. I want to see more graying older men falling in love with older graying women. So, I’m writing one.

Joel Miller walked up to his door, his knees creaking like the doors of a haunted mansion and his back begging him to lie back down on his bed. The incessant knocks had finally gotten to him. Sleep was not something he found often. Peaceful sleep was even more of a rarity. He was going to bash in the head of whoever was stood outside being an absolute fucking menace.

His anger simmered when he opened the door to find the kid smiling sheepishly at him. She was wearing a different backpack now, the one she was painting stars on just last week. It was filled with books and little knickknacks instead of the handgun, pun book and non-perishable food of their traveling days. The purple keychain had moved from that old tattered pack to the new one, a little brighter after being scrubbed thoroughly under the sink.

“Could’ve used your key,” he snapped, walking in and letting her follow him inside. The backpack fell to the floor with a thump right by the door even though he had asked her to place it on the side to keep from blocking the exit. He was deaf on one ear, but kids were selectively deaf to their parents on both ears.

“Relaaax man,” she whined, crashing on the sofa and putting her dirty boots up on the coffee table. “I just forgot to take my key with me.”

“Yeah, yeah,” he mumbled, walking into the kitchen even though his feet ached to climb the stairs back up to the bedroom and resume sleep. But he knew better than to try his luck. It was a miracle that he was able to close his eyes for— he looked up at the clock to check the time— 2 hours. Trying for sleep again would be futile. Besides, the kid would be hungry after running around in school the entire day.

He would ask her to reheat the rice he cooked for them and eat by herself, but that just felt wrong. Like he was shirking his duties as her…whatever.

Not seconds after putting her backpack down and crashing on the couch, she began her usual spiel about what happened in school. It was strange at first to hear her rant about everything she learned and all the games she played and petty fights she had with her schoolmates. It all felt too normal, too much like the times before. It put him on edge, like this normality would end at any second and he would be back in the wild, failing her over and over.

And then there was the guilt…there was always guilt. His past failures always came crashing in with every single thing Ellie did.

Today, it was in answering the door for her when she returned from school. It was in standing there and reheating the rice in the cast iron pan as she spoke about the asteroid belt and Jupiter’s moons. His heart clenched as he thought of his Sarah coming home, opening the door to their empty house, doing her homework and studying and reheating the food by herself. No one to talk to about her friends, no one to listen to her about her crush on some boy if she even had one… He didn’t know. He was out there working and working and working, putting food on the table and money in a savings account for her to go to college. And it was all for naught— both Sarah and money stopped being part of their world.

She would be in her thirties now, much older than the kid he was now fathering instead of her. Hell, she might have her own kid. He would be close to retirement, looking forward to being just Grandpa Joel.

“—and then I showed him how it’s done. Three bullets, one by one PEW! PEW! PEW!” She said, making guns with her fingers and shooting in front of her. “All bullseye. He was standing there like—” she gasped and re-enacted how her classmate looked at her in wonder at her shooting skills.

“Don’t forget that you were also a terrible shot before I spent many weeks teaching you how to shoot. Don’t show off around your schoolmates. Help if you can, or just shut up.” He had these ‘normal’ concerns again. Her teachers had called him for a parent-teacher conference where they expressed concerns about her behaviour— too loud, too quiet, too aggressive, too brash, too isolated. They always compared her behaviour to that of other kids her age. He wanted to scream at them, shake them by their shoulders until it registered that his kid had been through things they will never understand, that they should fucking get over it and just teacher her math. But he couldn’t.

It was some bullshit.

All he could do without having her kicked out of this safe haven was to try to change her behaviour.

“Come on, maaan! Let me show off the one skill I have. They are all better at other subjects than me and I’m the dumbass in every class. I’m gonna be the best at the shooting classes.”

“You can be the best at something without being an ass— without being rude,” he said, plating the rice and placing it in front of her. His mouth was the problem, he realised. If he swore in every breath, she would be encouraged to do it too.

She shoveled the food in her mouth, her manners still…absent. She was better behaved than on their first day here, but her behaviour still left much to be desired. He didn’t blame her. This was her first time in polite society and it hadn’t been long since they got here. Hell, he grew up in a normal world and he still caught himself behaving like an animal sometimes. That is what two decades of life in an apocalypse did to a man.

“Well, you were a smug asshole when you started teaching me how to shoot. You had that smirk on your face like you thought you were the shit.”

“Language, Ellie. I know this is the way you are used to speaking. But, it’s not considered nice here.”

“Oh, give me a goddamned motherfucking break, Joel. Isn’t this the point of having a home? Saying whatever you want and being who you are? I’m faking it outside, okay? Just let me be in here,” she snapped, getting off the chair and marching up the stairs. The door slammed and Joel froze, clueless about what to do.

The thought he was trying to push away for so long came rushing back in despite his best efforts— Sarah never did that. He knew it wasn’t productive to do that. Comparisons served no purpose. Comparing your pseudo-daughter with your daughter who died two whole decades ago was even more useless. Ellie was not the same person, Ellie didn’t grow up in the same world that his daughter did. He was not the same man either.

What was he even supposed to do in this situation? Ground her? He never had to ground Sarah. What would that even mean in this world, in this town, for a girl who had seen horrors beyond the imaginations of her peers in Jackson. Wouldn’t it be cruel to take away the freedom of a kid who had only just gotten it?

Sighing, he put away the pan in which he heated the rice, hoping that he could reheat her rice when she was in a better mood. And he was not really in the mood to clean up.

When it had been half an hour since their argument, he climbed the stairs to Ellie’s room, grunting as his knees reminded him of the wear and tear they had been through to get him to this point. The plate of rice, warm once again, sat hopefully on the palm of his left hand as his right knocked on her door.

“Whaat?” Asked a muffled voice from inside the room.

He cleared his throat before asking, “Can I come in?”

He needed to put the plate down. His palms were suddenly sweaty and he was afraid he would drop the warm porcelain plate on the floor. It annoyed him that she was taking her sweet time to answer, but stood outside her door patiently. He heard the ruffling of the sheets before she finally answered, her voice barely audible. “Okayyy…”

He opened the door to find her lying face down on her bed.

“Ellie…”

“I don’t want to be yelled at.”

He took a deep breath. “No yelling,” he agreed. Was this bad parenting? Was he supposed to yell? His mother would have kicked his butt for swearing the way she did. He didn’t have the energy for butt kicking and she would not be receptive to any rule that was enforced that way.

He put the plate down on her side-table and took a seat on the armchair he’d made for the living room that mysteriously walked up the stairs and into her room one day. She did not ask for permission to move it, didn’t even care that it would be too heavy for her to safely carry. But his heart warmed to know that she liked something he made.

He would begin by letting her know that he understood where she was coming from. Then he would bring up his justification. It should work, right?

“It must be…I… I understand. It’s a very different way of life and everything is new for you. It will take you time to adjust, I think. And umm…it can be annoying to have new rules about every single thing.”

She snorted.

“And I also get that you will want to be yourself at home.”

“But?” She asked, finally turning her head away from the pillow and looking at him. Her eyes narrowed at him and her lips were pursed. He wanted to lie, say everything was alright just to make her feel good again.

“I just wanted to break the habit of swearing. It might slip when you’re outside the house and your teachers wouldn’t be happy with that. You just need to get into the practice of speaking differently based on where you are. Formal and respectful with your teachers and more casual with your friends. Respectful to strangers too. That is hard to do, to let your guard down around new people.”

He didn’t have to explain why. She knew exactly what he was talking about. He wasn’t immune to it either. He approached people with hostility, afraid they were there to fight him or hurt Ellie. It was proving nearly impossible to get over.

“I just want you to fit in,” he continued when she didn’t argue his points.

“Why? I don’t want to be like those dickheads who don’t even know how to shoot a gun. I will never be the girl who is worried about what sweater to wear with what jeans and get nervous asking some stupid boy out for the spring dance. It’s dumb.”

He slouched in the chair, making himself smaller, feeling smaller. He had no problems with the patrols, no problems with shooting down the infected that stumbled into their radius. But this? This made him shrivel up.

“Fitting in is important. It can mean the difference between survival and…” he trailed off, struggling to explain social exclusion. He never had to explain to Sarah why she should hang out with the Alders and put up with Mrs. Adler’s preaching. A girl who had to survive all that shit might not even take this seriously.

“You need to make a good impression. Make sure people like you. Make friends. You need people.”

“I have people, Joel. I have you. Don’t need these losers.”

“I’m not always going to be here,” he said, regretting it immediately as he saw the fear in her eyes. Neither had to say it out loud, but he knew they were both thinking of the times she had to save his life. “Like…in school,” he quickly corrected. “I’m not with you everywhere you go. You need to learn to do this on your own, find more people.”

“Is that why you stay cooped up in this house and don’t leave unless Tommy or I drag you out or you have patrol duty?”

Rude. Perhaps she needed to be grounded.

“And you want to be like me? No friends, cooped up in the house, only a— as you always say, grumpy old man— to hang out with? That’s just lame, kid.”

Before she could retort, he rose from his seat. “Eat that,” he said, pointing to her plate of rice before leaving her to mull over his words in the privacy of her room. If rationality didn’t do the trick, the reminder of how pathetic it was to hang out with someone kids saw as a fucking fossil might.

————

Her

“Miller.”

He grunted that old man grunt and stepped ahead, taking the writing pad from her and scribbling his signature on the sheet under today’s date. She took the pencil back from him quickly, placing it back on the pen stand from which one too many pens and pencils had gone missing. People hadn’t left behind the habit of stealing stationery even after the apocalypse.

Rifles slung over their shoulders, they walked side by side. His condition was much improved compared to the day he came back to Jackson with his kid in tow. But he still walked slowly, his gait betraying whatever injuries he had incurred on his journey to Jackson, on his journey the past 20 years. Despite it all, he still appeared strong and powerful in a way that made everyone understand how he had survived everything without the protection of a community.

He hadn’t spoken to her much, thank goodness. He would show up at her door for medicines and checkups for his reluctant kid who dragged him in for his own treatments. She didn’t talk to him much then, the girl did the talking for him whether or not he wanted it. The girl was annoying unlike her father, asking questions she shouldn't ask a little too easily. Like she was merely asking what day of the week it was. Thankfully, he was always there to correct his daughter and apologize to her before she continued treating them.

She kept her eyes on the route, holding the oil lamp in her hand as they looked for potential danger. She was alert, wide awake, despite the sleeplessness and the amount of alcohol she’d had at family dinner. Her feet took her along the familiar path, the couple thousand nights of patrolling etched into her muscles in a way that she was sure she would circle this path even if she became infected.

He was an altogether different story. He was alert, yes. But it was excessive. His gun always pointed to shoot, his backpack loaded with more ammo than anyone else on patrols, his eyes wild and desperate like he had something precious to protect. He flinched at every noise, pointed his gun at rabbits who minded their own business and trembled as he lowered his gun before holding it up again when there was another noise. She couldn’t say she didn’t recognize the behavior. He did have a lot more to protect unlike her.

He had a bigger family— a brother, sister-in-law and soon a nephew or niece. And there was his daughter of course. Maybe he had a wife at some point. Maybe he lost her to this world like they all lost someone. Maybe she was what made him so rigid, so untrusting, so silent. She pictured him, younger with dark hair and clear skin, eyes as dark as they were now as the time this hypothetical wife was taken from him. There was a tinge of shame in his eyes, the very shame he saw him carry as his teenager complained to her about him skipping medicines and working too much in her home turned clinic. The very shame she caught just then as he pointed his gun at a housecat that had wandered out a little too far.

“You shoot that cat and her 5 year old will make you wish you were never born,” she remarked, cursing herself as soon as she said it. He already looked like he wished he was never born. She didn’t want to make him sadder and more pathetic than he already appeared to be.

To her surprise, he chuckled. “That’s one way to get kicked out of Jackson.”

He wouldn’t be expelled over a cat. He’d have to apologize profusely to the little boy for killing his cat and make up for it in some way. But he wouldn’t be kicked out. But she could understand the anxiety. Even after becoming a permanent member of this place, she was afraid she might make a mistake that would force them to throw her out.

“Yeah. Wouldn’t want to lose our wonderful contractor,” she joked instead.

“You’ll still have Tommy.”

“Yeah, but Tommy needs his assistant,” she quipped, knowing very well that the older Miller was the leader among the two. “Someone to stand by and hand him things.”

He simply smiled, deepening the lines on his face.

“How long have you been here?” He asked, surprising her. He never asked her personal questions, only questions related to their patrol. There were the empty pleasantries when he showed up at her door for treatment of course, but they didn’t count.

“The whole time. Born in Wyoming. I lived in Baltimore for a while for medical school. Then I moved to DC for my husband’s job. But, I made my way back here after it started. I was hoping to find my parents, but… Well, you know that goes. What about you?” She asked, knowing that he was from Texas. But anything she didn’t already know about him was too complex, too private.

“Texas. Grew up in Arlington, moved to Austin. Went to many places after the outbreak but I was in Boston until I came here.”

“That’s a long way to travel, especially with a kid. Must have been hell.” A hell that I know too well, she thought but didn’t voice. None of her business. Maybe his journey was like hers. Maybe the darkness in his eyes, like her own, was from the unspeakable things parents did to protect their children. She didn’t need to know the specifics to recognize it.

Silence once again filled the space between them and her shoulders slumped in relief. It was emotionally draining to keep up a conversation that wasn’t about someone's health, medicines or diet. Even more so to have conversations after the sun went down and darkness enveloped not just the night sky but her mind.

“You’re a doctor.”

“Yeah, Miller. Want something checked out?” It was the first thing people wanted from her. It wasn’t too different from random uncles and cousins showing her their weird mole and asking for medical advice at the Thanksgiving table. It was annoying and remained annoying, but she understood that people had to ask now.

“What kind of doctor?”

“Back then? Cardiothoracic surgeon— so like, heart lungs and everything in the chest area. Now, fucking everything except dermatology. So I can help with anything except if you want tret for that face.”

“You a shrink too?”

She couldn’t even deal with her own goddamn problems. What made this man think she could listen to others’? It was nice that he bothered to ask. Others did not. When she put stethoscopes on hearts and listened for issues, people took it as permission to vent about every single worry. Nightmares, pain, relationship problems, fucking everything.

“I don’t know. You don’t seem the type to go to a shrink.”

“It’s not for me.”

“Ah.”

“I’m not. I know too little about the human mind. I did a few psychiatry rounds back in med school, but that was all. But people talk to me all the time. I…” she sighed and leaned on a nearby fence. It was a painful admission, but she would say it if it would help this man and his little girl. If there was one thing she was certain of, it was that he was a parent and parents would do fucking anything for their kid.

“I know this ain’t your job. And I don’t need to see your fucking graduation certificate or know how many mental patients you had. All I know is that when my wife died, my daughter spoke to a therapist and she became better. Can you do that for Ellie? Just talk to her. I know you don’t take payments for seeing patients, but I’ll pay. I have connections. Anything you want from outside, I’ll go get it. Oxy, hydro, you name it.”

He wasn’t like the others in Jackson. While the people in Jackson lived, he survived. He was from out there where everything had a price. Even a life. She knew how to work with that. She’d talk to his kid, help her out in whatever way she wanted and ask him for a favour in return. There was a simplicity to it that the people of Jackson did not understand. They did not trade within. They simply did shit out of what seemed like the goodness of their stupid hearts. All that did was keep her in their debt forever. With this man, there would be a clear payment and no guilt.

“I have oxy, better than anything you can get. I have suppliers I trust. We can even treat diabetes here. Can get glasses too. If you’re offering to trade, offer something better.”

“What do you want?”

A house.

“I don’t know. I’ll think of something,” she lied. It was hard to ask. Hard to open her mouth and say she wanted something. “But you don’t need to make Ellie wait until then. She can talk to me about anything that’s bothering her when she feels ready. Talking is good. It’s like throwing your shit into a void. So if your daughter needs a void…”

He nodded and the deal was struck.

[akaridream]

after dark pt. 3: stakeout (hawks x reader)

tags: hawks x reader

cw: cursing, hawks is a big fat flirt, afab reader, mentions of drugs/alcohol

taglist: @inkthgoat @pnsduck @animedreamworlds @melxdig @mizvaun @mysideeffectsofyou

masterlist

From the roof across from the Fukuoka police headquarters, you watched the sun drift lower in the gray sky. Your shadow was long and wind howled in your ear. In the other, you were being entertained by Hawks’ incessant singing.

“And all I am is a man, I want the world in my hands,” he sang, off-key and unabashed through your ear piece.

You pulled your hoodie tight around your ears. “Oh, please don’t ruin The Neighborhood for me too,” you laughed.

“Ruin?” he said, feigning offense. “You get a private karaoke session and this is how you thank me?”

Tired of pacing, you laid down on your stomach, chin on top of your hands, peering over the side of the building. “If I had my way, we’d be listening to an orchestral suite or something.”

“Orchestral suite?” He fake snored, making you scoff.

“Don’t be so uncultured, bird brain,” you sneered. “There’s one called The Planets, it’s actually really cool. Each movement was written to be the personification of the Greek gods they’re-” Hawks snored even louder, but you just talked over him. “It’s actually really interesting!”

He laughed. “Relax, I’m just messing with you. Tell me about-”

“Hold on a sec, I’ve got movement.” Your eyes focused on the door of the police station.

“Ugh, finally. Dude is supposed to be on patrol already, not cooped up in the office,” Hawks whined.

“Never mind, it’s not him,” you said, body relaxing.

“Damn. Is surveillance always this boring?” he asked.

“Not when I get to listen to the music I like,” you joked.

“Wow, so ungrateful! But you like The Neighborhood enough to know them at least, right?”

“Yes, I like some popular stuff. But I find long, complex pieces to be more mentally stimulating when I’m working, especially since I’m always alone.”

“So what’s so cool about this Planets piece?” Hawks asked. You could tell he was munching on a snack.

“I don’t want to put you to sleep.”

“You won’t, I like hearing you talk about stuff.” You could hear the smile in his voice. It made your heart stutter.

“Well… Okay,” you resigned. “So each planet has a totally different vibe. Like, Mars is the god of war and that movement is aggressive and bombastic, definitely sounds war-like. But then Venus is next and it’s this ethereal, soft piece with a dreamy feeling. All seven are totally different. So yeah, it’s neat.”

“Sounds cool. Do you have a favorite?”

“That’s tough. Everyone loves Jupiter, and for good reason. It’s bright and vibrant and the main melody is gorgeous. I also really appreciate Saturn, it has this solemn vibe but has this really pretty ending. And I really like the far away, mystical feeling of Neptune, it definitely makes you feel like you’re floating through endless space. But I also can’t overlook the dreamy, almost sleepy sense you get from Venus… Sorry, I’m rambling,” you chuckled, slightly embarrassed.

“No, not at all,” he said. “Like I said, I like hearing you talk. You’ll have to send your favorite one to me, I’ll check it out.”

“Really?” you asked. “You aren’t just making fun of me for liking classical music?”

“Hey, I may joke around a bunch but I promise I’m not making fun of you, angel. You’re smart, so I’m sure you have good taste.”

There’s that word again. Angel. Why does it make my heart stop like that? Wish I had the guts to ask why he insists on calling me that, you thought. But you were too scared to broach the line of flirting just yet, especially since you were on the job. How awkward would the rest of your contract be if he wasn’t interested? Plus, you weren’t kidding when you told him you were chronically single. You had no idea how to act in a relationship, and there was little doubt in your mind that Hawks was experienced. His confidence was proof that he knew just how attractive he was. You’ve never had trouble with emotions before, so get this little crush under control, you told yourself.

“So what do you usually listen to?” you asked.

“Pssh, I dabble in all sorts of stuff. Some pop stuff, some metal, whatever’s good. How about we go for some Local Natives next, they’re a little more indie.”

After the first few bars, you started tapping your foot. “Hm, good bass line,” you said, barely hearing Hawks humming along. “Did you say you like metal?”

“Oh yeah. But I won’t scare you off with that just yet,” he chuckled. “It can get a little intense.”

“Hey, I get it. We all need an outlet for that teenage angst.”

Hawks gave a full-voiced laugh. “For sure! Speaking of angst, you ever get into American Emo stuff?”

“Yeah, quite a bit when I was young,” you said.

“I’ll make us a playlist and we can serenade each other all evening tomorrow. Let me know your requests!”

“Will do,” you said, internally laughing at the thought of Hawks outside your bedroom window with a boom box like in the movies.

Your target finally exited the police station and headed for his patrol vehicle. Hawks turned off the music and switched your headsets to listen in to the police scanner so you could follow the target without needing to trail him directly. While Hawks’ wings were built for speed, yours were not. You followed as closely as you could, taking shortcuts across rooftops to rest your wings while keeping an eye on the streets below.

“Sounds like he’s going to do some detective stuff, probably a follow-up interview,” Hawks said.

“Yep, headed north. Any movement there yet?” you asked.

“Actually, my target just walked out. He’s with two others. Just regular office chit-chat.” He paused. “Seems to be headed to the train station with the others. He gets on at Hakata and heads south to Kasuga, so I’ll just fly there- Well, apparently he forgot something in his office.” He paused again. “But he isn’t going back inside, just standing around looking at his phone. Weird.”

“That is weird. Wonder what his deal is,” you said, thankful that your target had stopped for coffee so you could catch your breath.

“Okay, he’s on the move again. I’m suspicious now, so I might tail him to see which train he gets on.”

Hawks followed his target from the rooftops to the train station, then sent out a feather to discern which direction he would go.

“He’s heading north,” Hawks said, surprised. “That’s unusual. He must not have wanted his co-workers to know where he was going. I’m going to head up to the next station, see if he gets off there.”

Once he reached the next train station, Hawks carefully scanned the crowd, looking for his suspect from the Safety Commission.

“Must have stayed on the train. Hopping up to Hakozaki next.”

“That’s pretty close to where I am. They might be meeting up after all,” you said.

“I’ll be surprised. If they’re links in the Trigger supply chain, it’s pretty bold of them to meet up so soon. I mean, your guy just got caught about a week ago.” Hawks grew quiet in thought as you both flew over the city.

“Just made it to Hakozaki, and I already see him getting off the train,” Hawks said. “He’s heading east towards the river.”

“Shit. So am I,” you said. “You feel confident in getting a clear photo of him whenever he stops walking?”

“I took one of him already, just in the crowd at the station.”

“Really? That’s perfect. Maybe you know what you’re doing after all, Hero,” you said.

“You taught me well, and I may not be as dumb as I look at least.”

“You getting close? I’m across from a fried chicken place we might have to check out,” he asked, kneeling near the edge of the roof.

After tailing the police cruiser for a few more blocks, you spotted crimson wings ahead, despite the dying daylight. You drifted on the wind towards him, your silent wings aiding your stealthy approach.

You smirked and landed several feet behind him, your boots crunching the gravel giving away your position. He whipped around, slightly startled.

“Damn, your wings really are silent! You’d make for a bad-ass stealth hero, you know.” The way his bright eyes raked over your form made you self-conscious, but his smile told you he was pleased with what he saw. “The all-black outfit really suits you.”

You rolled your eyes playfully. “Oh please. You’re laying it on a bit thick, don’t you think?”

“Laying what on thick?” He stood and drew near to you, flashing a coquettish grin.

“You’re such a flatterer, Hawks.”

He brushed away a strand of hair stuck to your hood. “What, I’m not allowed to compliment you?”

You blushed and couldn’t hide your smile. “We are co-workers, you know.”

“Yeah, for now.” His flirty tone made your cheeks flare to life further. No guy had ever shown you attention like this. He must just be this way with everyone. Can’t let myself think I’m anything special compared to the number three hero in the country.

You walked to the edge of the building together, peering over to the street below. Hawks’ target from the Safety Commission looked around, then spotted the police cruiser pulling over near the next intersection. He began walking with purpose.

“Think I should head down to street level and try to listen in?” you asked.

Hawks shook his head. “Don’t want you to get spotted. I’ll send down a feather.” He handed your digital camera over to you. “Try and get some pics of them together without going all the way down there.” Despite his typical lighthearted demeanor, Hawks’ tone was serious and his eyes narrowed in focus.

You nodded, both of you watching the man below. Without a word, he entered the police vehicle.

“Well, that tears it, huh?” Hawks asked, sending a red feather down to rest on the roof of the car.

You fluttered over to a lower roof to take pictures of the pair. Thanks to the street noise, you couldn’t make out any of their conversation. Hopefully Hawks’ feathers are as useful as they seem. Your camera shutter clicked away as they conversed. After taking a sufficient number of photos, you returned to Hawks’ side.

“They’re working together, and it’s definitely related to Trigger,” he said, eyes closed in concentration. “They’re surprisingly confident despite the report last week. Yamamoto- the PSC guy says he can supply more on Thursday. Officer Mori says that’s fine. They’re going to meet at Bay 7 at the docks, 10 pm. No correspondence until then.”

“Damn. You were dead on, then.”

Yamamoto exited the vehicle and hailed a cab. Hawks’ feather darted from the police cruiser to the roof of the cab, listening in.

“Sounds like he’s headed home now. Must be making serious cash if he can afford a cab for that distance,” Hawks said. He recalled his feather and stood, rubbing the stubble on his chin. You watched the gears turn in his mind and couldn’t stop the thought of how incredibly handsome he was. His large hands, strong jaw, glimmering eyes… He chewed his lip in thought, making you subconsciously lick your own lips. He is not making this easy for me… He’s too fucking hot.

As if he could sense your stare, he caught your eye. “You okay?” he asked, voice low.

Mortified at being caught, you shook your head. “Yeah, I’m fine, sorry. Just thinking.” Suddenly warm, you lowered your hood, trying to get the cool air to circulate around your burning ears.

“Yeah, I was too. Have to wonder if there’s anyone else in the PSC or the police department involved or if it’s just the two of them. We should try and figure out who Yamamoto is getting his supply from and when.”

“Yes, I agree. Perhaps we can dig up some intel tomorrow or Wednesday, then catch the hand-off Thursday night,” you suggested.

He nodded. “Yeah, good plan.” He sighed and shrugged. “Well, I guess that’s as much as we can do for now. But hey, I’m glad we got what we were looking for.”

You snorted. “Yeah, me too. Can’t believe it went so well, actually. I almost never get anything usable on the first night.”

“For real? Then we should spent the rest of the evening getting some dinner to celebrate our first success!” he said with a brilliant grin. “I think that fried chicken place is open til nine!”

“We’ve only been at it for a couple hours now and you’re already done for the evening? We could go back to my office and start looking for info,” you said, crossing your arms.

“Well, I’ve been doing hero work all day and I’m starving! And your office is aaaall the way across town. We’ve already made progress, so I think we deserve a little reward. So, what do you say? Join me?” he asked, extending a hand towards you.

“Have you forgotten that you’re super famous? I can’t be seen with you in public!” you said, more harshly than you meant it.

“Aw, angel,” he pouted. “You aren’t going to let me take you out?” He tilted his head like a curious puppy.

Had it been anyone but the ever-charming and undeniably attractive Hawks, you might have scoffed. Instead, you sighed and relented.

“Do they have takeout?” you asked.

Hawks beamed. “Sure do! What sounds good to you?”

“Whatever you’re having, so long as it isn’t too spicy,” you said.

Hawks started punching the restaurant’s number into his phone. “You know, my apartment isn’t too far from here. We could always take this back to my place to eat, if you get tired of eating on rooftops.”

Your eyes grew wide. “You’re trying to get me to go back to your place on our first night of work?” you chuckled, assuming he was joking.

Realizing how his words had come off, he stammered. “Oh shit, uh- That’s not how I meant for it to come out at all! I mean- Yeah, I’m placing an order for pick-up, please.” His cheeks burned a lovely shade of red to resemble his feathers. He rubbed the back of his neck and you laughed silently as he fumbled through the dinner order. So he finally breaks the confident persona, only to come off even more endearing. He’s so cute my heart might explode.

He hung up the phone and turned back to you bashfully. “Should be ready in ten minutes,” he said, swallowing hard and chuckling. “Sorry, I really didn’t mean it like I was trying to hit on you or anything.” He paused. “Uh- Not that I wouldn’t hit on you, I mean, you’re gorgeous! But taking you back to my place would be-”

You laughed. “Hawks, relax, okay? I’m not mad or anything.” He calmed down and laughed with you. He thinks I’m gorgeous?

“Good. Sooo, you don’t mind me hitting on you then? Just a little?” he asked, cocking a brow up.

Your heart soared and you gave a coy smile. “Oh, if you must. So long as we’re done working.” You met his eyes, bravely returning his flirtatious spark.

“Yeah? Like… Everyday when we’re done, or after our little contract is up?” he asked eagerly.

“Geez, you are so impatient!”

“Yeah, maybe I am.” He shrugged. “But what can I say, you really are gorgeous.”

You couldn’t maintain eye contact, so instead you raked your eyes over his body. “Oh, shut up. But… You aren’t so bad yourself, bird brain.”

A soft blush bloomed across his cheeks and he shrugged. “Eh, I try not to look like a total wreck at least. While we wait, you wanna show me that planet orchestra you were talking about?” he asked

“Yeah. I may not be the brightest bird, but I like to be open to new things.”

You smiled and pulled out your phone as you sat on the ledge. “I’ll play it through the headsets, okay? This one’s Jupiter, I think you’ll like it best.”

Hawks sat down next to you, his wings puffed up to block the biting wind. They were much larger than yours, but they didn’t intimidate you as they had upon your first meeting. Now, they were your shield.

The song began with a jovial burst of energy. The driving percussion and triumphant brass energized you, and you found it hard to sit still without conducting an invisible orchestra with your fingers.

“Sounds like a movie,” Hawks remarked.

You nodded. “Yeah! A ton of modern film composers have been influenced by this suite.” You closed your eyes, allowing your head to sway with your favorite passage.

Hawks was trying to pay attention to the music. He really was. But he was far more enraptured by you. Your excited heartbeat, your soft scent, your angelic wings nestled within his own. The elegant music only emphasized his infatuation with your beauty. He knew you would eventually open your eyes and catch him staring, but he just couldn’t take his eyes off you.

You sat in comfortable quietness, enjoying the music together. You felt Hawks’ arm gently resting against yours, pinky nestled against yours. Butterflies surged in your gut as you allowed yourself to lean into him. He provided warmth, deep in your chest and relief from the cool wind. As the lengthy song neared conclusion, you opened your eyes. Hawks’ golden irises sparkled in the dim light, his gaze soft and attentive. He glanced at your lips, but turned his head away.

Was he… Thinking about kissing me? Or am I totally misreading him? I have to be over-thinking it. He’s a flirt with everyone, right? Gotta keep this professional. Probably shouldn’t have said he could hit on me.

As silence filled the air once more, you opened your mouth to speak. Hawks’ stomach gave a noisy growl, sending you both into a laughing fit.

“Right on cue, as always!” he said.

He stood and offered his hands to you, helping you to your feet. Not letting your hands go, he pulled you close.

“Would it be super cheesy to say that song was almost as beautiful as you?” he asked with a cheeky smirk.

You giggled. “Yes, extremely.”

He laughed too and brushed his thumb over the back of your hand. “Guess I’ll just keep it to myself then. Back in a few with dinner.”

As he fluttered down to the street, your heart hammered against your ribs. You rested your icy fingers against your burning cheeks. He is such a dork. An absolutely adorable dork.

part 4

[gottalovethegeeks]

jupiter, cygnus, black eye galaxy 💗

Jupiter- do you have any siblings?

-Yes actually! I have an older brother who's exactly 10 years and 1 month older than me. I didn't know I had a brother until 2020 though. I had been gifted a 23andme test a few years before and then I got a message one day from my brother asking me who my parents were because it was telling him we were first cousins and he didn't recognize any of the names associated with my account AND he lives in South Carolina and I'm in Michigan. When I told him that on my profile it was saying we were half siblings and gave him my parents names he texted him mom asking if she knew 'so-and-so' and she immediately called him asking where he got that name. Turns out that he never knew that the man he grew up with wasn't him real father and his mom didn't want him to know who his real dad was. Our dad lives about 20 minutes from him and he had no idea. I was born down south but my mom's side of the family lives in Michigan so she moved us back when I was a baby so I've only been around my dad's side of the family a few times myself.

Cygnus- Favorite weather?

-When it's that misty/foggy overcast kind of day. The suns completely covered by clouds and it's a little chilly and it smells like wet leaves! And it's got almost a creepy feel, like somethings going to jump out at you!

Black eye galaxy- Do you believe in love at first sight?

-Yes, I do. I really want to believe that someone can just know that that person is theirs no matter what. I like to believe there are genuinely good people out there. That what your first impression is of them is who they really are and they're not trying to put on a front just so you like them and then they change later. I've had too many people in my life try and tell me one thing and end up being something completely different but I still believe that those kind of people are the outliers and you absolutely can love someone immediately and have a good life with them.

[n-odious-tropy]

Hello Odious!

I just wanted to thank you for the lemon-fact request you made, and I thought I should send something in return! I hear you work a lot with dimensions and time... What is that like? Do you go to ancient Greece before lunch, then another dimension's Jupiter in the afternoon? Sorry, I am letting my imagination run wild, haha! I didn't even know things like that were possible. But I'm really curious, what does you day look like as a "time doctor"?

Regards, Candido 🍋

Ah, Candido. This little exchange is a pleasant surprise. I hadn't expected to hear from you. I was just intrigued by your little facts about lemons you posted. I've never cared much for fruit before, but seeing your genuine interest in the topic had piqued my own and so I was eagerly awaiting the next installment. If you've any more to offer, then I would enjoy hearing them.

But you haven't asked about that in particular. Now onto the point.

I... wouldn't so much say time as I would dimensions specifically. The other versions of myself are more concerned with time travel than I; Interdimensional travel has always been my passion even before I knew of its existence. I used to be no better than a fool, chasing that dream like I was on novocaine, resolving to leave the world in which I existed one way...or another.

I consider myself a physicist first and foremost, having studied both quantum and metaphysics for the purposes of achieving what I once thought impossible. I've dabbled in engineering, but moreover as a means to an end rather than getting the degree itself. I don't believe I can add that to my resume as it's just shy of a formal education. Call it amateur work if you will. I put interdimensional travel at the forefront of my general research, but it's not as if I couldn't time travel; it does involve a similar process of molecular manipulation. I can't say that I haven't thought about it either but the idea is... frightening to me to say the least. All my theories point to the idea that time travel only results in split timelines every time without fail. Even if unintentional, every time I attempted, my presence alone would cause a split as I was never intended to exist at the given moment. You can manipulate the molecular energy necessary to visit such a frame time, but moving forward would put them far off their initial trajectory. Imagine if you will a raffle. Our current timeline is the "winner" of the raffle. Now see you can redo the raffle as many times as you like, but there will almost always be a different outcome, a different "winner" and you cannot undo the results of the previous raffle, only proclaim new "winners". If I were to go back, I could experience the result of every raffle, but not you. You would be none the wiser. I am unable to change the trajectory of the current timeline, only create new ones. I've made peace with the one I currently exist in, so I have little desire to test this theory. What's done is done, and I'm unwilling to cause an upset in the balance of the universe by creating new timelines on no more than a whim. Perhaps if I were a little more self absorbed, much like my counterparts.

But here's the rub, Candido. There is also an issue with the endeavor of interdimensional travel. Everything exists. In the same time, in the same place, but on a different frequency, on a different plane of molecular energy entirely. We cannot see them, but every instance of Deja Vu you've ever felt, you've experienced at the same exact time as another version of yourself. For a moment in the infinite universe, there was a brief alignment. We were never meant to cross that barrier, only exist parallel to one another. When we break that barrier and emerge on the other side, there is a brief displacement. The results of this displacement of molecular energy are varied and have largely gone unstudied to my knowledge, but I fear each displacement only further contributes to the inevitable heat death of the universe, which will result in hastening a total reset when the overall level of entropy hits its maximum. Think of a new big bang.

So I apologize if I fall short of your flights of fancy, but much of my time is spent on research and theory before putting anything into practice. The truth is my line of work is riddled with anxiety over the potential for disaster.

...At times I become so entangled in theory that I often forget to put it into practice. But I suppose much of that can be attributed to my own accident. The fear of failure is paralyzing.

But, aside from that, I have been engaging in a healthy amount of testing and maintenance lately to ensure that the rift generator remains stable. I...may have forgotten my own anxieties briefly in an attempt to stock up for the oncoming war and it's reminded me just how lovely travel can be. I found a planet recently that seems rather peaceful. Very lavender colored, tall grass, a sea of green, and a large red sun. The inhabitants almost seem to resemble lagomorphs. Strange, isn't it? Now I could easily sit here talking about this for hours straight but maybe one day, if I can earn my confidence back, I can show you just what I mean. The sights that are yet to be beholden, the experiences to be had one would have never thought possible.

Reminds me why I even started in the first place.

[ruthiesrambles2]

✂️🐈🧑‍🧑‍🧒🤥❓

For the headcanons! 🖤

Thanks bestie! I had so much fun doing these. Ended up more snippets of fic than pure hc but I loved it so hope you do too.

Under the cut as it's long

Hair themed headcanon:

Melanie cannot stand going to the hairdressers. She's always hated it, but here on the train it feels even more claustrophobic. The judgement, the small talk, the hundred different overlapping noises, the rough brush on her neck and the gown constricting at her throat. The mirror image staring back into her soul. Once upon a time her mother cut her hair. When she was away at university, or globe trotting with Joseph, it'd stay tied up, tied back. Neat unless you looked at the ends. Her mom cut Alex's hair too. Sat on the same stool, the same old pair of scissors and silence save for her gentle hum and the clip clip clip.

On the train she'd asked Ben first. He'd done an okay job. Slow, but precise. He sent her down to the salon the next time she asked, and she endured. But Ruth had volunteered, one night, in the on call room. And so it became routine. Melanie with her legs folded under her on a teal armchair. Ruth moving near silently behind her, around her. Ruth combed so gently that some days Melanie felt herself drift away into sleep, listening to the soft clip clip clip and pad of Ruth's bare feet on the carpet. She'd wake to a gentle hand on her shoulder, a suggestion she should climb into the bunk. It never lasted long before there was some great emergency.

Pet themed headcanon:

There'd been debate about what to do with Jupiter, after they sent her master off into the cold. The choice to euthanise was an easy no, Alex stepping in to her defence before the words had even been spoken. Even Javi had agreed it was senseless and needless - there had been more than enough death. Alex, despite her passion, wasn't interested in having her. Something about lab safety and slobber. Sykes felt she'd done her time, and Melanie... well, they were already going to be down 2 engineers, she just wouldn't have the time.

Ruth eyed the snoring mass of Jupiter in the corner. It had been a long time since she'd had a dog, not since the B&B took off. But she remembered a soft paw on her lap, the day her grandfather died. Remembered the walks over the hillsides, the soft nights by the fire. She'd need training, re-learning how to be a dog and not a weapon. But as she snored away, her head lolling over the side of the nest of blankets that served as a bed, Ruth knew there was only one answer.

"I'll take her. I'd quite like some company in this brave new world," Ruth declared to the table.

Family themed headcanon:

The house had always felt big. Almost a castle, she had thought, when she, her mother, brothers, and one small hatchback full of belongings had first arrived. Of course, she was small then. Small even for her five years. But sprightly. And so the castle became a whirlwind of stairs to climb, bannisters to slide, and deep dark cupboards to explore. 20 years later the house felt bigger than ever. The high ceilings seemed to echo her heartbeat in the silence. All of the life was gone, and with it any joy she associated with this place. This old house, named for Friends and the gatherings that met there, was never supposed to be empty.

Ruth thumbed at the unopened brown envelope on the table. She knew what was inside. The sum value of her grandparents' lives calculated by a man and a computer in an office block halfway across the country. An insult. Watching the sun stream in through the tall windows of the dining room, she steeled herself as she carefully opened it with a letter knife.

Lie themed headcanon

Melanie didn't mean to keep it from Ruth. Not for long. Not forever. Every day she felt herself getting more tangled in the web of it, patiently awaiting the right moment to cut the threads. Ruth would have to be on side, wouldn't she? They were friends, at least in a fashion. She had to know the reality of the situation.

It wasn't long until the first big crisis. Melanie's voice on the intercom urging the passengers to brace. Not reappearing again until the emergency was handled. If Ruth noticed, she didn't say anything. Instead, she talked a mile a minute about the great Mr Wilford, and Melanie felt the web tightening around her chest.

Receiver's choice headcanon

The first thing Ruth noticed was the dust. Without thinking she ran a finger along the shelf, seeing it build up around her fingertip. She shook herself out of her judgement. Melanie was possibly the busiest person on the planet, and here Ruth was criticising the fact that she hadn't cleaned her couchette.

Ruth winced when she realised Melanie was watching her.

"Sorry, I haven't had time to clean it up," Melanie shrugged. The speech was moderated and calm, but Melanie's eyes betrayed the hurt behind the words.

"I'm..." Melanie began, and Ruth froze. She'd been here two bloody minutes and already offended.

"...not here very often. You know how it is, He always needs me up in the engine. Makes sense to sleep up there sometimes."

This time it was Ruth whose eyes betrayed her.