#I just wish people wouldn't race to the worst possible conclusions

[batsplat]

hello i saw in your tags that you don't think people on here get casey stoner and as someone relatively new into the sport i would love to hear your thoughts <3

(context here) okay first of all, this post will be framed as ‘things I wish people talked about more with regards to casey stoner’, rather than arguing against what I think people think

I've tried to come up with a concise response to this ask but kept heading into thesis-length territory. so I decided to write a bullet point list and it’s still… yeah… but well it could be worse. if you, dear anon, wish to read thousands of words of casey stoner lore then please let me know. otherwise, here are just a few things I find interesting about this bloke:

casey has a very complex relationship with the concept of confidence, both in other riders and himself, in the sense that he KNOWS how important it is but also believes/wishes that he specifically is kinda above all that

this feeds into how he wishes that racing were Just Racing and not all this other stuff�� not his brain not his body not other racers being assholes on/off track not talking to journalists or doing photoshoots not having to deal with politics etc etc - central underlying tension of his career

he has openly spoken about not ever really enjoying race day, saying the only thing he's missed after retiring is qualifying. very perfectionist, the anxiety, the over-thinking, craving control… all key casey traits

(which also ties in with the valentino rivalry, because valentino obviously adores racing (in particular wheel-to-wheel battle) but he’s also great at all that other off-track stuff)

some very rigid ideas of How The Sport Should Look, which you can see in everything from how he talks about racing standards to the introduction of CRT riders (he had it OUT for them, head hot every time aleix espargaro shows up in parc fermé) to valentino’s influence on ducati and the importance of the colour red

let him have his mean streak! the grim satisfaction in discussing jorge’s 2008 injuries after his early-season arrogance towards casey, the dismissiveness towards dani, some of the wilder valentino remarks (this isn’t a criticism to be clear, alien-on-alien violence is part of the natural order of things)

casey is a classic case of ‘just because you’re paranoid, doesn’t mean they aren’t after you’. definitely a suspicious guy and perpetual underdog 'me against the world' mindset. not to get too psychoanalytic-y, but I reckon this was partly born out of how he had to leave australia as a teenager (with his family completely dependent on him succeeding) because of how the racing establishment down under fucked him over

they definitely were out to get him a lot of the time, cf yamaha and then ducati drama plus the slander from some of the greats of the sport, fellow riders, the media etc etc (particularly egregious in 2009 when he was dealing with his mystery illness and a lot of people said some pretty unpleasant stuff in his absence - here is just one example)

his struggles were constantly downplayed. the chronic fatigue misdiagnosed as lactose intolerance led to people calling him weak-minded, broken, running away from the sport (part of why he was so allergic to the idea his results might in any way be connected to what was going on in his head). add in the undiagnosed anxiety and you have all this invisible strife people wouldn't even take seriously

that being said, he definitely did have a propensity for jumping to the worst possible conclusions

two specific examples: firstly from his autobiography, where he makes the claim that valentino may have been sabotaged in the 2006 title decider and was deliberately given a rubbish tyre to make him lose the championship - to which casey’s response was: “welcome to my world, mate”. he does have a tendency to believe he’s being sabotaged, and is constantly on the look out for conspiracies even when they are… unlikely

the other example is mat oxley talking about his issues with casey in his stint working for ducati, partly based on a misunderstanding:

something allegedly written about him in 2001!

let’s just say he can definitely hold a grudge

the moaner stoner stuff was definitely nasty, calling him mopey and whiny and all of that, but he also has never shied away from some good old-fashioned complaining (some of this was a bit of a spiral - complaining for good reason worsening public perception of him leading to more reasons to complain)

see also the lingering marc grudge, who probably did play a significant part in getting casey kicked out of honda (as casey has accused him of). whether marquez prevented stoner from racing in 2015 is more of an open question. casey still speaks about how honda made a mistake by only listening to marc (which, again, does have some truth to it)

casey was always very quick to shut down the idea that momentum, motivation, confidence etc could affect his results (unlike that of his competitors) because he argues he was always very rational & clear-sighted about when things were his fault & when things could be blamed on the bike + extraneous factors. he really goes into detail about this when discussing 2008 laguna seca in his autobiography, which he argues had no effect on him psychologically (but was followed by him crashing out of the lead of the next two races)

has definitely spoken more about his rivalry with valentino than valentino has, which probably has also helped shape perception of it over time

on ‘ambition outweighed talent’ - I feel like people almost understate just what a (hilariously) out of pocket remark it was in context. it was rossi’s second ever race at ducati (and the start of his season was impacted by his shoulder issues) - and the rain meant he had a ~win it or bin it~ approach because he knew it was as good a chance as he might get for some time (despite starting from 12th). the move on stoner for second place was at best optimistic, most definitely impatient and at worst foolish - but sort of understandable in that situation, rossi was definitely rapid, and this stuff can happen in the wet. in that sense, it was obviously more a reaction to the manner of the apology (and his frustration with the stewards) than to what casey himself described as a racing incident

stoner made a remark in his autobiography about how rossi had stolen 25 points in a title battle he was never going to be a part of (oof). whether you're obligated to race title contenders differently is already a bit sketch but certainly should not be a consideration for anybody in round TWO

he was forced to publicly retract the remarks, though he doubled down on them to a deeply funny extent in his autobiography by suggesting they were true of valentino’s entire career and that he’d just benefited from a weak era. rossi mostly took it on the chin especially when interviewed about it for documentaries, probably because with something like that you do just need to take the L

it's understandable how it’s become such a defining image of their rivalry (along with laguna seca), not least because of how evocative the whole thing is - rossi showing up still wearing his helmet, trying to make a PR apology stick while he’s been eating nauseating amounts of humble pie at ducati; stoner casual as you like, pissed off about the points loss while still indulging in schadenfreude about how the Great Big Ducati Adventure is working out for rossi

but again, I think it’s funnier because of just HOW over the top an insult it was in that situation (and more broadly how it does have a different vibe to their interactions when they were meaningfully competing, aka 2007-2008)

in conclusion: casey has his doubts and his insecurities and his obsessions and his foibles… a complicated guy in his own right

and a big thing I’d like to stress here is that the rivalry with valentino does benefit from treating them both as somewhat unreliable narrators

I just think he's neat

[overworkedunderwhelmed]

So, there is a post circulating and harping on the don’t donate to Ao3 again.  I thought about replying to it directly, but I really didn’t want to give it more attention. While they have done some research into past 990 forms, they are being very irate about a figure of about 13,000 for Management & Administrative because the Non-Profit staff doesn’t get paid and fear-mongering that the higher ups are embezzling the money instead of putting it to good use.

Now, I cannot speak to server costs and the massive scalability increase needed for the newer requirements especially in these Covid-era years.  Although, I know as a writer and reader on Ao3 myself, I know that Ao3 has made lots of improvements since this time.

However, the linked post OP seems to fundamentally miss something very important, something which I assume most people in the general public do not even need to know exists.  That 13,000 cost and category looks like it could absolutely be a Non-Profit accountant, which is a very specialized niche of accountant who knows the tax code relevant to Non-Profits and who make sure all of the accounts meet the legal requirements and the organization wouldn’t lose that hard won Non-Profit status.

Now, I myself would be very in the dark were it not for the fact that I personally was a treasurer for a much smaller non-profit for about 3-4 years nearly a decade ago.  That means I didn’t get paid for the hundreds of hours of my timing tracking all of the financials for my group.  However, you better believe even a small organization like ours shelled out about $7,000 (during my tenure) to have that accountant with the right expertise vet all my work and handle all coordination between the federal and state tax authorities, even though we were also a group that never broke past about $200,000 revenue/income mark at the time.  (My memory on what the exact thresholds were or are now is fuzzy at best.)  Since Ao3 is seeing numbers in the millions, that larger dollar figure raised explicitly requires more time (and cost) intensive level of scrutiny by the accountant to ensure auditing compliance of all records submitted to the tax authorities. 

The one complaint review cited on Guidestar (of a past BoD member in 2014) talks about the functional sunshine requirements and visibility.  This likely expense 100% speaks to make sure they are doing everything right and above board.

Now, obviously I cannot confirm that Ao3 doesn’t have some tax accountant volunteer who is out there somewhere doing this work pro-bono (as nearly all the all-volunteer staff clearly does.)  However, it is just one very expensive line item that comes to mind off hand that most people are not aware is not just required, but is essential to ensuring the organization continues to serve its users as intended.  

The 990 form will never be that detailed, as they are intended to provide a big picture view to the public (and the authorities, of course).  However, that detail is there behind the scenes and is going to be vetted in incredible depth to ensure the organization is properly serving the public.

[stxvercgersslut]

Love Without Doubt

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Female Reader

Part 1: It’ll be over and I’ll Still Be Asking When

Other people mentioned: Natasha, Tony, Clint, Wanda & others

Warnings: Mentions of death, heartache, language like normal, angry reader, sad steve, dead Tony, smut in the future, pregnancy, a whole load of angst and a whole lot of fluff in future parts.

Description: Losing Tony Stark was the worst thing to ever happen to you. But finding out that you were 3 months pregnant with your late husbands baby hit the nail on the head. You were alone, heartbroken and Scared. Steve’s riddled with guilt, knowing you were out there alone and pregnant hurt him, how could he leave you like that? Exactly he couldn’t.

A/n: I know the pictures are of a white girl but this is by no means a white girl fic. In fact this is reader insert! Meaning that you get to imagine yourself in this fic as y/n, so I will not be addressing the colour of her skin because that is for you to do! :) I know that this chapter is just a short one but this is the prologue. I didn’t think it needed to be that long.

A/n: ahhhh it’s been a while. I’m sorry for my absence I didn’t really plan on writing this again. But after a lot of thinking 🤔 came to the conclusion that I honestly adore this fic too much not to continue it.

Positive.

Shit!

'No no no no no! Y/n this can't be happening right now! How on earth could you let this happen?' You screamed in your head. Just some of the thoughts that were running wild in your brain as you continued to stare hundreds of tiny little holes into the pregnancy test.

Tony had always wanted kids, ever since the pair of your had begun to date those long 7 years ago he'd been open with you about his longing for children. But now the moment you should have shared with your loving husband was shared with you and your reflection in the mirror. The man you loved would never get to meet his beautiful baby and that fact alone was enough to shatter your heart into slivers. There truly was no coming back from this pain.

How could this be happening right now? More importantly, how could this be happening to you right no! After everything you'd been through the world just wouldn't give you a break?!? With Tony gone how on earth were you even going to provide of a baby? Let alone looked after it on your own!

As these questions continued to race around your brain at 100 miles an hour, your hands began to shake uncontrollably whilst tears began to fall from your eyes. It was no surprise that you were understandably distraught with the cards you'd been dealt by the world.

————————————————————

Despite your pain, Steve was going through heartbreak just as much as you were, completely traumatised due to being forced to watch one of his best friends sacrifice himself in order to save not only the world but also the universe it's self. Not only did he have the trauma but he also had the guilt of your pain looming over you.

Due to what he'd witnessed Steve would find himself experiencing nightmare after nightmare every single night, barely managing to sneak in any sleep before the images of his former best friend, Tony Stark, dying in front of him reappeared in his brain for what felt like the millionth time. It had only been 3 days since that dreaded day yet he'd been tossing and turning ever since. Living alone in his currant state was never a good idea. But since he had no one to help him through the PTSD he had to just struggle on through.  With all his failures coming back to haunt him it was tough but he had to try. Otherwise what was the point in anything?

As the early hours of the morning sunshine began to shine through his half open curtains, Steve jolted awake. Once again awakened by the deadliness of his nightmare. However, this time, unlike any other time, he woke up with an overwhelming sense of guilt towards you. His entire heart burning from what you must have been going through.  After all he knew exactly how close you and Tony use to be, how could he have been so cruel to rip that away from you when you'd been so happy?

Knowing that you'd be all alone in that huge cabin, alone with your thought eating you alive just like his were, truly didn't sit right with him. It was just in his blood to help people, whether or not they actually wanted his help was a different question but if someone was in distress, which he somehow had a feeling you were, he had to at least try and help.

Grunting, the still slightly panicked soldier stretched out his limbs, releasing all tensions from the night before as he did every morning even before the blip. It was just apart of his routine now and he'd never be able to stop that.

'Alright, time to get up I guess' the male mumbled to himself as his feet met the hard wood of his apartment bedroom floor. Ever since the blip Steve hadn't been able to stay at the Avengers compound, too afraid of having to relive all of those failures again. Now, with the compound completely and utterly destroyed, it was just an added reason for him not to go back there. Especially with everything that had gone on in there before.

He may have looked okay from the outside but on the inside? Oh he was a broken man alright. What did anyone expect from a super soldier who'd been through as much trauma as him?

As the male prepared his morning coffee his mind wandered back to you, wondering what on earth you could have been doing in a cabin all alone by yourself. Maybe you were still asleep in bed , shaking off all the loneliness and all the heart break with as much sleep as you could? If that was the case then maybe Steve could rest easier knowing that for the most part you were okay. Maybe he would have been able to forget about you if he knew for certain that you were able to slip into a state of peace when you fell asleep.

But for some reason Steve just couldn't shake the idea of you maybe crying yourself to sleep every night. Or even worse, what if you were listening to that damn hologram again? Or his voicemail again? What if you still hated him? Oh he had to put this right.

Deep down Steve knew you hated the way that he'd handled things, the way he'd brutally dragged your husband away from you. Bursting the bubble surrounding the two of you in the process. But if there was any possible way that he could put all the heartbreak right and ease his Conscience in the process then he had to try right? No matter how much you hated him right now he knew that you'd need a friend right now.

So without a second thought, the super soldier poured his morning coffee into a travel mug (one Bucky had bought him one year), threw on a t-shirt and jeans, grabbed his leather jacket as well as his keys and left the house. There just had to be a way to put this right.

As Steve made his way to the cabin that used to be shared by you and Tony, he couldn't help but lose himself in deep thought. Struggling to comprehend how life had just fucked everyone over so awfully. Yeah they managed to get their lives back and bring everyone home in the process. But what good was that when Tony didn't arrive back home to you safely? What use was bringing all the blipped back when Steve had to explain to you that your husband was never coming home. The world was cruel, that he knew for certain.

It hadn't taken him more than an hour to finally arrive at your cabin, sucking in a deep breath as he slowly exited him car and made his way up to the front door.

Was he really about to do this? Was he really about to attempt to talk to you even though he knew that you most likely hated his guts?

Apparently so since his he curled his hand into a fist and gently knocked on the door, staring is hung that he could hear the sound of joyful laughter. But in reality all he could hear was painful sobs. That was the hardest part, hearing you sob was already breaking his heart. It was times like these he truly did wish that his hearing wasn’t as strong as it happened to be.

With one more breath, Steve finally pulled himself together and knocked 3 times, hoping you’d opened the door for him.

————————————————————

You'd been so caught up in your emotional agony that you'd barely had enough time to hear the first couple knocks, but by the third knock your senses seemed to finally come back quick enough to only slightly hear the very last knock.

After straightening yourself up a little you finally made your way towards the door, dreading the panic attack that was most likely coming your way after everything you’d gone through. However, nothing had prepared you for who you found at the door upon opening.

“Steve?” You groaned almost angrily; practically spitting it out.

Tags: @jtargaryen18​ @chuckbass-love​ @et-lesailes​ @harrysthiccthighss​ @cevans-fics​ @dwights-new-plague @sweetllamaparadise @jessyballet @lharrietg @patzammit

[athena-is-a-chaotic-lil-shit]

Feral Fatality

(Part 2)

I'm supposed to be working on the requests but here I am. Writing nonsense. But its my nonsense so *shrugs*

Pairing: Jason Voorhees x Fem!Reader

Word count: 2.4k

Warnings: Graphic Depictions of Violence (or so I think), Blood (lots of blood), Murder (as usual), Feral side of the reader coming out for a brief moment, and cursing.

—

Three harsh knocks made you flinch and woke you up from your sleep.

"Hey, loser! It's dinner time. Eloiza wants you by the campfire. Now." Layla, one of Eloiza's side girls, stressed. You sat up, rubbing your eyes before you set your book on the bedside table.

"Did you hear me?! I said—"

"Yeah, yeah, I heard you alright. I'll be out." You swear the whole camp could hear her with the way she's squawking.

She stomped off, huffing loud.

You chose to stay in your baggy clothes. A black hoodie with a small yin-yang symbol on your left breast with a matching pair of black and white sweatpants, half of your ebony hair tied up in a ponytail.

It was already dark when you walked out, the moon climbing bit by bit up to the sky and subtly lighting your path. You shivered as a chilled breeze went past.

In the distance, you could see a small fire, dancing, swaying its fiery arms. It would have been a nice sight if not for the people around it.

Even from afar, you could see them engaged in a heated session, the smell of cigarettes and pot reached your senses, making you grimace.

"Yo look, it's (Y/N)," one of them said once you were close to the campfire.

Few gave you glances, before going back to their business. You remained quiet, though you noticed five people were missing in the group.

Fucking in the cabins, no doubt.

Eloiza was in the middle, her ass planted on someone's lap while she held a cigarette, both of them sharing and blowing smoke at each other.

Different. Out of place. You regretted coming out here, but if you didn't they'd only harass you in your cabin. Break down your door, and drag you out just to humiliate you. Then it fully dawned on you; no adults or teachers to protect you here, they could kill you if they wish.

You cursed as worst-case scenarios ran wild in your mind.

Damn, I'm gonna die tonight.

"Layla, why don't give her some food already, she's obviously hungry," Eloiza ordered.

"Ugh! Me again? Why can't you let Betty do it?" She was straddling Jake, vice-captain of the rugby team in your school. Layla subtly ground down her ass unto his crotch. The act was uncomfortable and disgusting to you.

Eloiza shot a glare at her, expression grim.

"Fine!" she jumped off, "I'll be right back babe," she whispered not so quietly. It was clear that they weren't in a relationship, only looking for someone to fuck. Lacking the sense of intimacy that lovers have. The air was just full of sexual tension and lust, anyone who's good at reading people would know.

And right now, you wanna vomit.

"While we wait for that hoe to come back, why don't you sit down with us for a bit (Y/N)?"

"Thank you, but I'm fine standing. I'll just take the food and eat in my cabin," you replied. Your smile was fake and your voice, monotonous. You hid your hands in your pockets.

"I insist, let's chat for a bit," she said. The rest of the group ignored you still as they were busy with their...partners.

You blinked and looked at her right in the eyes.

"No."

You refuse to submit to her, you submit to no one. You came to camp to get away from the noise people like her make. Ironically, you wouldn't be here if it wasn't for her either.

"What did you just say to me?" Oh, right, Eloiza hates you as much as she hates being disobeyed. Her face turned red, and it wasn't from the fire.

"No," you repeated.

"No?" she scoffed, "I told you to sit the fuck down. I was being kind to you and you de—"

"No, I won't sit down. And no, you were not kind, you just gave me an order and I refused."

The group froze and looked at you, halting their activities. Eloiza shot up, making you raise your guard and take a step back.

Still, you did not expect her to grab a half-burning log and fling it at you.

You barely dodged, the hefty ember grazing the side of your face, burning your skin and some of your black strands. You took a sharp intake of air and staggered back, dizzy and groaning from the pain as you hover your hand on your cheek. Gasps and cheers sounded around you.

"Nobody. Disobeys. Me." she said, accentuating every word. "You're just a useless piece of shit. You think being a smartass will save you? You do realize that I can kill you right here and now, don't you?" Eloiza threatened as she approached you, her eyes burning holes into your head. A hand grabbed her arm, "Babe, you can't murder her! We'll go to jail if you—"

"Shut up, Evan. No one would know what happened here. It's so easy to say a bear attacked and ate her. And who would notice her gone anyway? Everyone knows her parents don't give a shit about her."

She's right, no one would care if I'm gone. Nobody would give two shits if I died.

"But—"

"I said shut up, didn't I?! Do you want to die too, huh?!"

"Let her have fun, Evan," Betty commented.

"What the fuck is going on here??" Layla was back, carrying a bowl of soup.

While they were preoccupied, you twisted on your heel and bolted, your vision spun but you didn't stop. While a handful of traitorous thoughts tells you to drop dead, that you should just die than prolong your suffering, your heart didn't. Yes, not a soul cares about you, but you have yourself, your books, and your art. There was no fucking chance in hell you'd let them have their way with you.

You raced to your cabin and slammed it open, closing it in the same fashion and locking it in place. Your face was throbbing, stray tears stained your cheeks as you searched for a handkerchief to wet and cool your burns.

You eventually managed to lessen the pain, thanking yourself for bringing skin ointment. Your hands were shaking as you applied it to your skin, whimpers escaped your lips as it stung a bit. You took deep breaths to calm your heart down...

In. One. Two. Three. Out. Repeat.

—

Jason Voorhees stood in the shadows as the scene took place.

A girl was telling you to sit, and you refused politely, yet she asserted.

The others ignored you until you outright said no.

Was it so surprising to hear one word from your mouth that the whole group turned to you?

The girl snapped, took a burning log by its safe edge, and threw it at you. It hit your cheek and you staggered backward.

His grip tightened around his weapon as alarms rang in his head, an overwhelming urge to protect you arose. You did nothing wrong and that woman harmed you.

She was shouting, threatening to end your life. A man stopped her but...

Jason heard what she said, the words only made his sight darken with rage. What did she mean by "your parents 'don't give a shit' about you"? Did they not love you as a parent should to their child?

He sees you dash back to the cabin in haste and silently praises you for taking the chance to escape, he wouldn't want you to see what he'd do to them. The killer watched for a little longer only to make sure they wouldn't follow and hurt you again.

With you out of the way and safe, he emerged out of hiding. He threw an ax with precision, splitting open one's head like a coconut, the blood spattering on the ones nearby. In an instant, they shrieked in terror, their faces turning pallid, terrified as they scattered in different directions.

The hunt begins.

—

You broke out of your trance when the screams reached your ears.

Oh.

You were no fool of course. You knew the legend about Jason Voorhees was true, just from looking into the cases of mass disappearances, bodies never seen again. With no evidence, no one believed it, thinking it was just an old story to scare people away, a silly myth.

Nobody, except for one little you.

Well, maybe there was somebody else but you know what I mean.

It wasn't hard to connect the dots. There were two conclusions you came up with;

Either the killer was real or the people found themselves in the stomach of a monster.

You preferred the former, honestly.

Somehow, you expected this to happen. It was part of the reason why you came with them even though you knew the possibility. Risking your life in the process just to see him with your own eyes.

Wow, what's happened to me...

You sat up on the floor and as if on cue someone pounded on your door.

"(Y/N)!! (Y/N) Let me in! Open the door and let me in!"

By the sound of it, it was Betty.

You ignored her pleas, she deserves to get torn in half for being the bitch she was...

Wait.

Why not do it yourself?

A glance at the toolbox was all it took for you to stand up and take out a screwdriver. You approached the door, Betty still pleading for her life behind it.

"Please, please! I don't wanna die yet! I'm too young to—"

She stumbled forward when the door opened. But instead of a thank you, she screeched as you tackled her to the ground and stabbed her in the eye.

Stab.

Stab.

Stab.

Her blood splattered on your clothes and skin as you drove the metal tool into her skull several times. The squelching sound of meat and bones surrounded you together with the deafening pounding of your heart.

Betty had long gone silent. Her face was unrecognizable once you stopped.

Oddly enough, you felt a familiar thrill with what you did. It was the same one when you won your first contest, received your first trophy, and made your first masterpiece. It was a first.

And it was...enthralling.

You sensed someone's eyes on you. You looked up and saw a tall and massive man with a hockey mask covering his face, standing a few meters away, his machete dripping with blood. A glint of blue flickered in his eye for a moment.

Jason Voorhees.

Not knowing what to do and still high in the moment, you waved the bloody screwdriver at him and smiled.

"H-Hey," you uttered out.

The murderer—well, you were a murderer now too— trudged towards you, stopping when a scream to your left cut through the air.

—

Jason honestly couldn't believe what he was seeing. Little you with a little tool, gouging the brains out of the one he was chasing down.

With a screwdriver.

Multiple emotions went through him that moment, he was shocked that you could kill someone with your tiny hands, proud that you just killed said someone that was his prey, and relieved that you were alright.

Wait, were you?

He was snapped out of his thoughts when you waved and greeted him. You just waved and greeted— what? Why weren't you running back inside your cabin? Why didn't you scream at the sight of him? Did you not know him? Was the blood on his clothes and the weapon he was carrying not ringing any bells?

Jason wanted answers and moved to close the distance between you, but then a shrill cry echoed.

Someone got snared in his traps.

He looked at you, your face was dirty with blood, but your eyes were wide open, not of fear, but happiness?

He'll have to finish his hunt first. He gave you one more look before he trudged to the origin of the sound. He'll visit you later, that is if you're still here. He wouldn't be surprised if you used this chance to get out of the place, and he'd let you. You were innocent...different, and the murder you just did was well-deserved, albeit shocking.

-

It was the one who injured you, the cause of your burn, miserably crawling on the ground as her foot bled through the jaws of a bear trap.

"Help! Please help me!! I'm dying! Somebody help—"

She howled as the killer gripped the source of her pain and dragged her back to the center of the camp, taking the long path on purpose.

Jason was always angry in one way or another every time people came to disturb the place, but this? Oh no, all he sees is red, not a word had been heard from his mother ever since.

He would usually kill them the instant he catches his prey, but he wants—needs— this one to suffer. He knows, more than anyone, how it feels to be an outcast, to be bullied for being different. This hideous woman is going to die slowly, the pain she gave you a hundred times more agonizing.

"Let go of me you fucking murderer!" She shouted, kicking and clawing on the dirt in hopes of stopping him. Jason paid her no mind, his eyes focused on the fire that glowed close.

This bitch will burn to ash.

He stood in front of the campfire and brought up her body over it, her long blonde tresses turned to nothing as she flailed and shrieked pathetically. The killer crushed her legs before he let go, the flames big enough to devour her entirely, scorching her alive.

A yell from behind drew his attention as another one ran towards him, an ax lifted and ready to attack.

"Die you monster!" They shouted, embedding the ax on his shoulder. Jason felt no pain from the shallow wound, only an itch.

What a lousy attack.

Jason pulled out the silly thing and bashed it on his assailant's skull with one heavy strike, crushing the bones beneath. Lifeless, he tossed the body into the fire, the cries died down moments ago, only the smell of burnt flesh filled his nose as the embers crackled remained.

The undead man stalked away, feeling better than before. There were still a few people waiting to be disposed of.

Jason Voorhees will not rest until every single one of them is dead.

[transgalthoughts]

I'm out, I've had face surgery, most strangers see a woman when they talk to me. My voice training is good enough that most of the time strangers gender me as female for any interaction that is under 30 seconds.

But that's not enough. Why couldn't I just have been born female. I'm absolutely working my arse off 7 days a week, so that maybe, eventually, I can experience a poor mimicry of what 98% of other women are guaranteed straight out of the womb.

And to be blunt I don't know if I can keep doing it. I don't know what I am really hoping for in the end. The fact of the matter is I will never be treated like a cis woman by anyone who knows me to be trans. I live in a really progressive area and have very progressive and accepting friends, but they see me, and every other trans person as their own thing. They want to respect me and make me feel comfortable but internally they don't and can't see me as a woman, not fully. It's not their fault, I'm not angry at anyone in the world except for those who are explicit about how I shouldn't have the right to exist. But everyone else, they've just been conditioned by the society they are in to see women one way, and men another way, and to view that separation as absolute and never crossing. Everyone knows it to be true, everyone knows that is how our society is set up and how everyone thinks about it. I'm just one of those extra suckers that doesn't fit into that, that people mention as an afterthought when they think in those terms. I'd just rather be dead than live in the category I was born into. The main resentment I hold is not how any individual behaves, it's that I had to be born in the first place. I wish I hadn't been born, and I don't think it's fair that I was. And that is just one of the many reasons I will never have children. And I know following that to its logical conclusion means that the human race dies out, and that doesn't really fill me with anything except relief at this point. No one should have to have the life I have had, and I haven't even had it the worst.

But the fact is I'm at worst always going to be in the category *man* by everyone I ever meet, but with an extra *and a fucking weirdo at that* added on for good measure. And at best I'm going to be put in my own category which contains facets and assumptions that are just as unpleasant for me. Straight out of the fucking womb and my life is already all but written for me based on it. Nothing I care about or value or want to be was open to me until I crawled out of the box I was dumped in and said *hey yeah, so I actually think I might be the most hated minority group on the planet, I'm only telling you this because my life pretending not to be has been worse than not being alive, and while I sincerely doubt this is gonna be much better I'm already at the stage where suicide is a better option so, nothing left to lose really*.

And guess what, I was right, this is worse. My only possible option left where my life may be a better option than death is to go stealth - get enough surgeries so that no one, not even sexual partners, would know I were trans. I'd have to selfishly ditch everyone I have ever known and build a life somewhere new, treating the entire 25+ previous years of my life as a complete write-off, and lying to everyone I ever meet, even (or especially) the people I might build a life with.

It is a flimsy hope. I don't want to live like that, I don't want to lie to everyone I might ever love. But I want to try everything that might work before opting for death, and that is the only thing that might work that I haven't tried yet.

And I hate that my life has come to this point. I didn't truly absorb just how crucial it was to start HRT as a teenager. I probably wouldn't even have to lie about much of my life, or spend the next 3 years of it saving for and having surgery if I had truly appreciated just how fundamentally irreversible male puberty really is. Just not talking about my life earlier than 14 would be easy. But at the time I naively believed all the bullshit media and lies adults told me, about how it's puberty when everything is *oh so gendered* and when you become an adult that melts away and you're just people...... That was a fucking lie. There's a good chance I've missed the boat. I've been on it for 2 and a half years now and the only part of my body that looks much different is my face and that's more from surgery than HRT.

I know things will eventually get better. But they will get better for the trans people that come after me in younger generations who don't grow up with such a strong idea of sex-linked gender binary which then becomes inescapable when they are old. The chances are that my life won't improve at all, that the only difference between killing myself now and later is how much misery I have had to go through before it ends. But hey, as the old gambler's fallacy goes, it feels like I'm owed a win eventually, after working so hard to get out of this craphole of a life.