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ditch-witches · 4 years ago

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Farmer’s Son - Dean Charles-Chapman x reader

(PART ONE) - (PART TWO)

Ivanna, I love you. Thank you for always hyping up our stuff and BLESSING us with your amazing artistic talents.

request: (jfc yall)

"I would do literally anything for more farm dean (can we eventually get a cute wedding? Take it slow tho dw)”

“I would kill for farmer's daughter part 3.”

“Okay wow I love Majesty it’s amazing but can you please give us some more farm Dean!! Love y’all!”

“Aight so can we pleaseee get another part for farmer’s daughter cause I never knew I needed farmer Dean in my life prior to that”

“I NEED FARM DEAN TO BE A COMPLETE SERIES WITH MANY HOT SUMMERS AND A WEDDING EVENTUALLY”

“Please give us farm/country Dean part 3 IT MAKES ME SO SOFT🥺🥰 They need to get married at some point sksksk”

“I’m the one who requested farm boy Dean and whew boy you guys did not disappoint! IT WAS SO GOOD."

warnings: ?language?

word count: ~4000

You furrowed your brows as you looked over the field of workers, tilling the dark earth beneath the hot summer sun. The living room radio was cranked up loud enough that the lulling tones of the singer could be heard from your front porch, mixing in with the calming noise of the wind-chime and cicadas in the trees. The scent of summer wafted through your hair with the same wind swirling through the chime, playing it as if it were a musician. The warmth of the sun settled against your exposed skin as you marched out to the field, throwing your hat over your wild hair. The cooler you were lugging behind you was nearly reminiscent of when your mother forced you to apologize to the men for your manners when now, it seemed that you could be wearing a winter coat and she’d nearly faint in embarrassment. Still, you were greeted with bright smiles and the welcoming of the refreshments.

You tucked your hands into your back pockets, searching the small crowd of college boys almost too dirty to be recognized. The offset chorus of sentiments and thankfulness blended into the wind in your ears. “He’s not here today,” one of the boys you knew from high school piped up beside you, leaning against his trow and following your eyes towards the horizon over the field. You moved your head to look in his direction, perking an eyebrow as you did so. He ran one of his grimy hands through his sandy hair, taking a deep breath of the summer air you were also admiring a few minutes prior.

You chuckled lightly. “Well, don’t write a novel, sparky,” you joked, making him snicker, a small gleam in his eyes as he looked at you fully this time.

“Apologies, ma’am. Dean took up another shift at the station. He needs the money before he heads back soon,” he disclosed, his hand moving to rub at the nape of his neck. You felt your heart drop three stories into hell at his words.

You wet your lips, searching his eyes. “Soon?”

He nodded. “Didn’t he tell you? His mom sent him a letter or something.” You shook your head, thanking him for the information and handing him one of the drinks from the cooler, your mind racing at what soon meant. How soon? Next week? In a few days? Tomorrow? What happened to summer? You parted ways with the men, tying your hair back and deciding that waiting for him to get off work would eat you alive before you got the opportunity to figure out what was happening.

It seemed as if your bike wasn’t quick enough to keep up with your legs and pacing heart. The vast cornfields and wildflowers you regularly would have stopped to enjoy, zipped passed your ankles alongside the gravel road into town. Your chest tightened at the thought of him leaving so soon after you had so much planned for these few precious months you had the opportunity to spend with him.

The reality of the situation was that you both were getting older. Soon, at least by your mother’s standards, you’d need to be settled and on the road to having children before your life completely passed by your ears. There were only so many summer vacations you could enjoy before you were tied into a job or a family. It was only a matter of time before you’d be looking back on these summers and wishing you could curl back up beneath the large willow trees, pressed against Dean’s side after a long day. When you were old and harsh like your mother, would you regret it if Dean wasn’t the man you were spending the rest of your life with? Did he even feel the same about you, or were you still a summer fling to him?

Your throat tightened at that thought. Were you becoming too attached when he had his own separate life back home, with no intention of blending you into it? The idea of him with another woman that wasn’t you boiled your blood. Yet, you still skittered on the edge of whether or not your father would even allow the two of you to be together.

Who were you kidding? You were on your mother’s timeline, it didn’t matter if you wanted to marry him tomorrow. Maybe you could convince yourself that there was still time. Your fears seemed to wash away into the cracks of the sidewalk as you pulled up to the gas station, tucking your bike into the rack beside the front door and greeting the few cars of townspeople you recognized. You were now on a mission, your mind almost blank with everything else. The handful of Cadillacs full of couples in swimsuits that you had familiarized yourself with in school attempted light conversation with you as you vaguely surveyed the station before finally spotting Dean. His dark jumpsuit was, of course, already filthy as he wiped his hands on a towel, in mid-conversation with another mechanic. Your heart felt heavy looking at him again, as if you were seeing him for the first time again. His bright eyes turned to you as if he had sensed your presence, his smile brightening at your appearance as he headed for you.

You fought your blush as you excused yourself from the group and walked to meet him half-way. His usual dapper mood was still prevalent as he stood before you, seemingly pleased that you were there to see him. “Hey, I’d kiss you but-” He began but your impatience and slightly distraught expression sent his brows furrowing. He seemed hesitant to ask you what was wrong, like he knew what you’d chased him down for. He pulled his bottom lip between his gleaming teeth, tucking the towel in his back pocket.

“I heard you’re leaving soon,” you mumbled, fidgeting with your fingers. You wanted to reach out and touch him despite his begrimed appearance. It was almost your new normal now: not seeing him covered in dirt or grease was almost foreign to you. You fought against begging him to stay with you rather than go back again, or at least take you with him as his curious eyes blueprinted your appearance into his memory. “What kind of soon are we talking?”

Dean sighed regretfully, looking over his shoulder and gesturing at one of his co-workers before taking one of your hands lightly and stepping into the small station. The one-room business was empty and nearly pristine, evident that only tourists passed in whereas the locals knew not to step foot near it. “I was going to tell you, I just didn’t know how to. This is probably going to be my last summer here.” You inhaled sharply, attempting to keep your noises of upset to yourself as his eyes saddened, the blue hue deepening. Is this how he felt when you left for school? At least there was a promise you’d be back. “My mum’s getting old and I’ll have to take over soon.” Your mind raced at his words. It seemed like he was finally back in your life and now he was leaving. This time for good.

Despite your fast track mind trying to figure out how to sneak into his trunk and force him to take you with him, you couldn’t think of what to say to him. “When?” Was all you could manage.

“Next week.” His words were soft and apologetic. You felt guilty for making him feel like this. You understood; if you were in his shoes you would be doing the same. You looked away from him, blinking towards the ceiling in an attempt to hide your blurring vision, misting by your budding tears. You swallowed harshly, stepping away from him and shaking off your sadness. “Hey,” Dean called for you gently, his hand reaching to touch your wrist to turn you towards him. The way you led into his closeness seemed to make him forget about not wanting to dirty your appearance. He settled his hands alongside your jaw, forcing you to make eye contact with him. You relaxed into his touch almost instantly, your eyes fluttering shut against the stinging tears threatening to fall. His calloused thumb brushed against your cheek. “Just because it’s my last summer doesn’t mean I won’t come back for you if you’ll let me,” his words were like a warm embrace of their own. You sighed and locked eyes with him, hoping to keep the memory of their brightness in the back of your mind. He pulled you closer to him, his lips hovering over yours with a softness like you were a rare flower he was struggling not to crush in his fist. You let your eyes drift shut against the blissful feeling of his breath fanning against your cheek before he pressed his lips against yours, the mix of sadness and worry bleeding away from your mind as the gesture seemed to tell you not to fret over the future anymore.

The bell above the general store rang into the cool air, breaking the silence in the small shop. You untied the scarf around your head as you stepped towards the cashier’s counter, vaguely thinking of back home when you’d usually be greeted by someone you’d grown up with or someone who’d babysat a friend of yours. The man behind the counter stood up straighter, tucking away the magazine he was skimming and attempting to take in your appearance. You felt like a foreigner in the desert as you stood before him. He was rather tall, with clean overalls strapped over his shoulders. “Can I get a fill up?” You asked, gesturing towards your car parked outside. The man raised his eyebrows before nodding and following you outside. “Do you mind if I wait beside you? I’ve been driving all day,” you added as he flipped open your gas lid and began filling your car. You peered around the two of you, taking in the scenery. This part of England wasn’t much different from your hometown, yet it still felt like you had wound up in an alternate reality.

“What are you doing across the pond, miss?” The man asked, his eyes quizzing your every move.

You gave him a small smile, slightly nervous. “I’m visiting my boyfriend actually. He lives down the road, or so I think. I’m kind of lost to be honest...” you mumbled the last part more to yourself as you fished the small scrap of paper out of your pocket with Dean’s address scribbled down. The man gestured slightly, asking if he could take a look and you shrugged, flashing the paper to him. His eyes lit up with recognition and a small chuckle. Before you knew it, the two of you were leaning over the truck of your car with your road map spread out beneath you both, the man explaining the twists and turns on how to get to the house, and you scribbling down a few words to get you out of the woods.

He closed your car door for you after you climbed in. “Remember, left at the fork, two rights, another left-”

“And around the bend,” you finished with a grin to match his. “Thank you for your help.”

“Thank me with an invite to the wedding. They’ve been trying to get that boy married off for years!” He jested before sending you on your way. The run-in with the shopkeeper took your mind off the stroke of nervousness that seemed to rattle around in your chest with each turn in the road. You turned up the radio in hopes that your mind would wander away and stay there until you were in front of the man again. After Dean had left, the distance between the two of you was once again agony in a way you’d never have expected it to be on that first day of summer when you met him. You felt like a crazy person as you slowly checked off your list of directions. What were you doing? What if he didn’t want you here? What if he’s moved on?

You finally made it past the last bend, your hands clammy as your eyes drifted between the road and the scrap of paper once again, looking for the correct numbers. The paper looked about as thin and crumpled as your mental state as you finally spotted a small house surrounded by cherry trees. A school bus sat in front of the driveway and as you grew closer, there he was. Dean stood in front of the door with a young boy clinging to his hand. Dean looked as if he were talking to an old friend, which you weren’t the least bit shocked at. His ability to hold conversations with anyone and everyone was almost annoying to you, but now seeing him like this, it was charming. Then something had been said involving the boy, who shied away, hiding behind one of Dean’s legs. You chewed on the inside of your cheek, attempting to remember who the kid could have been. Surely he wasn’t Dean’s.

Right?

Dean chuckled and knelt down beside the kid and murmured a few words before the child nodded at him and stepped onto the bus. Dean smiled and waved at whoever the bus driver had been as the vehicle took off. You opened your door and stepped out, catching Dean’s attention. He furrowed his brows as if trying to place you in a setting so far away from what you were used to. He’d cut his hair again, his nose slightly red from the colder air, making his eyes nearly crystal. You wet your lips, unsure of your next move. “Is he yours?” You asked. It seemed like his mind had finally allowed him to recognize that it was indeed you standing at the edge of his yard.

He shook his head. “My brother’s. First day of year one, you know.” He gestured in the direction the bus had gone with a small smile. “I can’t believe you’re here,” he stated, taking a few steps towards you. You looked at your feet mildly in embarrassment, realizing how out of left field it was to just show up unannounced halfway across the world. He leaned against your car, stuffing his hands in his jacket pocket. A flannel shirt peeked out from beneath his dark coat, you noticed. The yellow and red leaves around the two of you seemed so out of place compared to the summer flowers and bright blue skies.

You cleared your throat. “I’m sorry for just showing up…”

He scoffed softly, a smile creeping across his lips. “I’m not.” You forced yourself to make eye contact with him, his excited expression warming your heart and reaching your nearly frozen fingertips. He stood up and wrapped himself around you, digging his face into the crook of your neck and breathing deeply. You let the tension from the last few months evade your body as you tucked your hands around his waist, yearning to touch the softness of his flannel. You weren’t sure how it was possible, but Dean still smelled like the summer sun was settling against his skin. He moved to kiss your cheek, and you met him with a chaste kiss against his lips. You relaxed against his touch.

“I met your friend at the gas station,” you hummed, turning to look at him. His mouth twisted into a smirk as a flash of disbelief beckoned behind his eyes. “He was very nice.”

Dean laughed. “Yeah, I’m sure he was.” He knotted your fingers with his and pulled you towards the small house, placing a kiss to the back of your hand as you continued up the pathway. The home spelled like apple pie and warmth that only a full house in fall could protrude. “Wait, I just remembered,” he stopped you after you both were in the house, discarding a layer or two to hang on the coat tree in the corner. You gave him a tilted expression of worry. “Are you okay with meeting my mom?” You were taken aback slightly with a grin but before you could answer, a woman’s voice beckoned from another room around the corner. Your smile widened and you nudged him in that direction.

The woman that had called for Dean was stout, with short hair and a kind face which was furrowed in concentration as she bustled around the stove, nursing a freshly made apple pie. “How’d he do? Did he get on the bus okay?” She asked, her expressions still focused on the task at hand. Dean cleared his throat, making her eyes snap up towards the two of you as Dean stepped out of the way between you and his mother. He put a hand on your shoulder, introducing you to her with a rather proud smile on his face. Her hand was warm and inviting as she greeted you after a moment of hesitation. Her sights flashed between Dean and you, as if asking him to pinch her. She smiled brightly as Dean wrapped an arm around your shoulders, recounting how he found you digging through the trash like a raccoon, making you roll your eyes and shrug his arm off playfully. It seemed like a click of time went by before she was shooing Dean outside to join the rest of the boys gathering leftover cherries. She looped her arm around yours, dragging you towards the back porch and offering you a seat.

You smiled to yourself, a rush of memories flooding from the back of your mind as Dean caught your eye. He played bashful, smirking at you from his position on a ladder beside a man that looked almost exactly like him. His cheeks were already a deeper red from the cooler temperature. It seemed like just yesterday you were perched on your own rocking chair, hungry to catch a glimpse of the new farmhand with dark curly hair and bright eyes. His smile was a carbon copy from the first time you met him, yet this time it seemed he looked at you with a sense of content as he watched his mother take to you so easily. “I’m not surprised you showed up here finally.” The woman broke the echo of calming silence that had settled between the two of you. You turned to her in your chair, pulling your eyes away from Dean. “He never shuts up about you. His brother thought you were fake to be honest,” she joked, making you chuckle lightly. “I’m glad you’re not,” she winked. You gave her a small smile before looking out towards the orchard again.

“I’m sorry to impose, really,” you apologized, a pang of worry thundering in your chest.

She scoffed. “Please! We were bound to meet sometime anyway,” she gestured towards Dean lightly. “Figured he’d ask you at some point.” Her comment was set at an ease you didn’t think your mother could ever have been at. Her welcoming calmness was comforting to you.

Still, you wet your lips cautiously. “Speaking of that, I actually wanted to talk to you,” you chewed. She put her glasses on top of her head, her eyes searching yours much like Dean’s had so many times before. “I was wondering if I could get your blessing. I want to marry Dean.” You held your breath as she blinked at you. Her eyebrow quirked up and she settled back in her chair with a sly smirk painted across her thin lips.

“I had to ask his father to marry me, you know? Those Chapman boys,” she sighed. “Where would they be without us.” You scoffed, shocked at her statement. She turned to grin at you before answering her own question. “Probably dying alone, right?” You chuckled lightly. She patted your hand, which rested on the edge of your rocker. “From what I’ve heard, you’re perfect for Dean. I don’t think I could have picked better for him.” You sighed in relief, your nervousness and unsettled stress had finally subsided with her words.

You waited until the sun had set, spending the day getting to know Dean’s family and attempting to understand the cherry farming business when you barely understood your own father’s crops. Dean’s nephew had nearly jumped into the house after he had finally been released from school for the day; the family members around welcomed him like he had been off to war. Members of the small community in town had shown up at the door bearing casseroles and pies, a tradition for fall nights like this one which you figured you could get used to. And before you knew it, you and Dean were perched side-by-side on the back steps, looking out over the orchard to gaze at the stars overhead. You snuggled up against Dean’s side as he looped an arm around yours, his eyes twinkling with the light from the moon. One of his thumbs absent-mindedly slipped into your sleeve to rub against your wrist. You were beat from the events of the day, or maybe just your ridiculous nerves skyrocketing up and down, but finally you could say you were at peace. You were right where you’d want to be, for as long as you could be.

You cleared your throat mildly. “Dean, will you marry me?” You asked, seemingly into the dark void of the night, rather than to the man braided into you. He shifted slightly to look at you, making you sit up a bit straighter.

A cocky grin spread across his face. “I thought you’d never ask,” he jested, making you shove his shoulder and send him into a small giggle fit. “I’m joking,” he breathed, pecking your lips gently. “I’ll marry you if you marry me,” he added.

You shook your head at his petulant jinxing. “All right, then it’s settled,” you responded.

“Is there some kind of dowry or do I take you for free?” He taunted with another giggle.

“I take it back,” you groaned sarcastically. He laughed harder, pulling you closer to him to seal the moment in a kiss.

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stillwooozy · 4 years ago

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Ok here is my lemon fanfic headcanons that no one, ever, asked for & no one should ever ever read

Eren & Levi both think they are ‘vers tops’ but really they are both 100% ‘vers bottoms.’ Like they pretend they want to be giving, they act like that is their goal - but really they each enjoy being on the... recieving end a lot more. They dont even enjoy being ‘power bottoms’ either, its just a constant battle of who can ‘convince’ the other to bottom because the like the IDEA of being dominant, but baby... they really aren’t dominant. they’re very confused to say the least.

Levi is the guy who is into twinks but hates it about himself because he never wants to be a pedophile. In a modern au he’d be the grindr guy who 100% asks every 18-20 yr old twink he hooks up w/ to show him their ID - he needs proof they aren’t 16-17. And its not hes even doing it to avoid legal repercussions, hes just disgusted by the idea of hooking up w/ a minor... but... this unfortunately means he admits to himself he is attracted to 16-17 year olds. Whoops. also i headcanon that he was molested as a kid, and hes convinced himself his attraction to young guys is because of this, and he HATES this about himself. Regardless or not if its true, makes him really sensitive & actually really kind person in bed cuz he’s constantly afraid of abusing power. Oh and if i were to pick a tribe he’d 100% be a ‘daddy’. Dapper/sophisticated older guy, pretends to be dominate, likes taking care of his partner/etc, but is stoic/blunt & doesnt take shit. hes educated but not geekily so. He’s super fit/in shape but not “lean” by any means, so ig a fit/functional “dad bod”.. like i just see Levi caring about the functionality of his body, not counting calories & cutting so his abs are cut. Like maybe ~20 yr old levi was a jock but 30+ levi is just fit-average. Daddy Levi jfc

Tribe wise... Eren THINKS he is twunk, reality is he’s a lanky otter. Like 18-21 yr old Eren was a twink, 100%, but 25+ eren is an ‘otter’. He’s pretty lean & tall, kinda lanky, body hair (i mean look at Grisha and Zeke, its genetic) Tries to shave & stuff but always kinda scruffy and looks like a hobo. Mr. man bun but only cuz hes too lazy to cut his hair, he would not care enough to be a hipster or geek or whatever. This is 100% a projection of my own desires but - i honestly don’t think Eren has a set “type”, he likes people that challenge him & are stronger/smarter than him but regard him as their equal. Another self-insert headcanon but, i think he prefers men & tends to lean to slightly older/stocker/more fit ppl like Reiner and Levi, but he’s also bi and will fall for a girl if they can meet him & challenge him were he is at? (Aka Historia) unfortunately, eren is unstable and unconciously enjoys ��mental battles” between him and his partner, which is horrible - but he really would do anything for you.

So yea. Eren: ‘vers bottom’ disguised as ‘vers top’, otter that thinks hes a twunk, homo-flexible & prefers stocky/fit people who can and will challenge him mentally/physically

Levi: same deal (vers bottom who thinks he’s more of a top), daddyyyy (xoxo), his type is just Timothy Chalamet & he hates himself for it

Also i 10000000% acknowledge that 1) tribes are bullshit and as a mostly-gay guy im constantly working on... overcoming? The need to label and objectify myself. And 2) top/bottom is also bullshit, but people can lean to one side? Of course it can all depend on context too, and ya know, normal people, not-fanfic-characters, tend to mix it up.

I dont/cant/wont ever write a smut fanfic but... come on watch some “home video” gay porn if not a gay/bi guy idk... its just always so unrealistic? I read soo much gay fanfic when i was 11-13 and tbh, although i think it is wayy better than only watching porn at that age.. it gave me some weird expectations. Like the huge bottom/top discrete categories are not... realistic? AND a lot of stuff just... doesnt work that way. No more info or its tmi. Anyways as most ppl know, sex is really just overall disgusting & awkward & embarassing and can even stinky and painful (okay thats just my own problems) jfc ive wrote all this just to avoid studying kill me now thanks

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it-begins-with-rain · 7 years ago

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Goblin: The Lonely and Great God Reaction Thread (Ep 1)

For @ladyvanserra

He moved a pot a couple of inches and broke a Frenchman’s rib. I already like this show!

Period dramas (even partially) and fantasy mixed with history. That’s my drama-kink right there.

Wait why are they declaring him a criminal?

He won the war for them?

Oh wow, violence with blood! Yay korea(n dramas)!

Wait why do you look familiar King Dude?

OH MY GOD IT’S THE BOY FROM “THE BIG HIT”

DOES YOUR FATHER KNOW WHAT YOU’RE DOING RIGHT NOW?!?!?

Actually, he seemed more likely to declare himself a god...

Ah, they’re mad at him for being Julius Caesar, got it.

Well obvs the white girl is supposed to stand out, who are you?

Oh, that was a “we used to fuck” look

“Imma kill every innocent person.” That’s some A+ kinging right there.

Ohhhh yeah, they fucked.

Wait she wants him to go kill the king? Even if everyone dies?

That’s fucked up.

I want more backstory of this whole thing.

“Fire on her from behind the guy walking and kill her to punish him for not being easy to kill!”

Or, you know, order him shot in the back?

And he walks up behind him and slices.

Like, couldn’t just do that before? A+ guarding right there.

Eew, why do people drool when they cry in dramas? Just... eew.

“Forgive me sir for slowly stabbing you with a giant broadsword”

Cut. Off. His. Head. It’s. More. Polite.

See? Like what that guard just did to the other guy.

Man the advisor from Mulan is a dick

I know that’s chinese not Korean.

It’s the hat.

SHE’S STILL ALIVE??? LONGEST DEATH WITH AN ARROW IN SOMEONE’S HEART EVER.

DIE FASTER.

oh the old lady’s ring, splashed with her blood.

So shouldn’t she be a goblin too?

Is that why the old lady looked so young-made-to-look-old?

Is she the dead lady as a goblin in some way?

HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE HIM TO DIE OMFG.

Well, I mean, from the show... a long damn time. But still!

Seoul, 1998, and he looks like Neo

JFC THAT CAR CAME OUT OF NOWHERE AND HE FUCKING DEMOLISHED IT!

Wait, why do you look familiar car dude???

Seriously familiar.

Death is hot and all, but this dude looks SERIOUSLY familiar...

C’mon google, help a girl out

*cries 20 min later when no amount of googling turns up anything*

WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU

Fandom recruited to identify.

BUT NO LUCK

JFC did he have bodies in his trunk???

Death is hot.

He resembles another actor, but I can’t think of who.

Not in the this-will-drive-me-insane way, just---

OH, THE DUDE FROM “THE 100″. BELLAMY.

He reminds me of Bellamy. Just in the eyes and hair.

“Drink this tea or you’ll regret it...” Kind of rapey, Death.

what the frick-frack? that’s a lot of tea

Death literally making tea all day huh? ~drama~

Death that hat looks stupid.

Haha, Goblin just casually dropping shade XDDD

Slightly obsessed with candles, are we?

It’s child abuse to dress a kid like that.

"This is my grandson, who I obviously want beaten up on the playground.”

“From now on, this child will serve you, old bloody sword dude!”

Yeah this is normal.

So it wasn’t just that he was killed with his own blade, it was that he killed so many, or left so many to die at his hands?

HOW ARE YOU NOT RUNNING LIKE CRAZY THE OTHER WAY AT THE ZOMBIE THAT JUST STOOD UP IN YOUR FIELD???

That old guy is so fucking chill...

Oh, he’s going to kill the Mulan-Advisor!

Again, I know that’s Chinese and this is Korean, it’s the hat.

So who was the girl that they gave her a proper memorial?

That poor little Goryeo boy... He’s doomed to one day don the above ridiculous outfit.

Death would have been kinder.

But he is seriously cute as a button!

In the past, not in the yellow thingie.

Is it bad I only find the lead hot when he’s got his warrior-hair (long)?

omg the little nugget is hungry~

and he’s trying to hide it.

THAT BOY DESERVES ALL THE LOVE AND FOOD AND JUST EVERYTHING IN THE WHOLE WORLD.

He was starving! Poor bean sprout~~

WHY ARE YOU BULLYING THE CUTE LITTLE DUDE?!?!?

NO!!!!! NUGGET!!!! DON’T DROWN

SAVE HIM YOU RAT BASTARD!

SAVE THE KERNEL OF CUTENESS!!!

Yes, you using your new powers (that we never see you learn to control) to kill the evil slavers is nice and all

BUT SAVE

THE

BABY

BUMBLEBEE

Ooo, green flaming sword, cool.

But where’s Button???????

YOU. CAN’T. SNAP. TO. PRESENT. THERE.

So they say “Goblin”, but they mean a minor god?

Uh oh, Female Lead in hit-and-run.

I wonder if she’ll be saved

*she says sarcastically*

Wow that is a lot of blood.

Her entire body’s worth

And yet she’s still chatting.

And Goblin will save her.

But not the adorable little bean.

Female Lead is preggo?

Death is gonna be PISSED

And not just because his hat is silly.

OMG that’s the cutest baby ever.

AAH! CORPSES!

Whispering about brides.

Over a baby.

Who is now 8 years old.

The mom looks mildly familiar...

I think from her Banjun Drama days? I think I saw the DBSK ones...

OMFG THAT IS AN ADORABLE LITTLE PUPPY

Who apparently doesn’t exist?

DOES THAT MEAN IT’S A DEAD PUPPY’S GHOST????

NO, THERE AREN’T ALLOWED TO BE DEAD PUPPIES

NOT EVER

NEVER EVER EVER

*traumatized*

Yeah, something was weird with the mom not touching candles.

How’d she die?

Was it before?

Or recently?

This convo with the mom’s ghost is so creepy and sad at the same time

I love it

Seriously creepy, sad, and cool all at once

Love love love it.

This part kind of gives me “Black” vibes.

Did anyone else see that?

It was just ok.

“How do you never seem to grow old granny?”

Because she’s obviously a young lady in age make up.

It’s the eyes. She has painfully young eyes.

And Death came for the kid... why?

Oh, he’s surprised, he came for the mom.

“You of all people should know.”

Oh, so old lady is a Reaper too?

A head of cabbage as a birthday gift.

Yep, she’s an old lady.

Oh look, the old lady is young again. What a surprise.

LMAO the little guy in the dumb hat grew up to be a drinker.

Not surprised with that dumb hat.

JFC the ghost trying to get her attention is freaky.

The dangers of shooting a guy walking in slow-motion.

He looks like an idiot when he blinks.

OK this super intense stare between him and the teenager is kind of eew (even though she’s 19).

Can we do a time jump and age her again?

And he’s like *instant boner*

Ooo, little nugget grew up hot this time

Another reason he shouldn’t have drowned in the Goryeo times.

“How can she be proud of killing her own mom”

Wow, fucking nice family there...

Assholes.

Throwing a rice bowl at her head and demanding money?

Wow.

These fuckers deserve bad things.

Aw, Goblin is adorable with the old man.

He’s got a nice smile.

Just... totally nice.

Is he pacing around where he died? Gnarly.

What? He heard her prayer?

Is it because he saved her?

Aw, he came to her.

Arguing over who summoned who, lmao.

It sounds like when my mother and father think they heard the other call them.

“Did you call me?”

“No, why would I have called you?”

“That’s what I’m asking you.”

“Give me (flowers), they don’t suit you.”

hahahahahahahahaha

He gave her flowers, so I guess this is a first date?

“What do these flowers mean?” “Lovers.” *romantic music*

Again, I know she’s 19... but she looks 15, and he’s like 40.

Aw, Death is looking dapper.

He lives with a centuries-old Goblin.

And is renting the house out to Death.

Why isn’t the show about this guy’s life???

It could be a comedy.

omg burning the contract with a finger-gun is hysterical

And his face when there’s a copy XDDD

DON’T YOU THREATEN MY LITTLE NUGGET DEATH

NOT EVEN AS A JOKE

I will CUT YOU

This is the bromance I didn’t know I needed.

These two flinging pepper and paprika (or probably chili flakes) around the table like children.

It’s already a comedy! :D

She’s going to work at a Korean Chicken restaurant.

Korean chicken restaurants are proof of the divine.

If it’s made of chicken

and you’re in Korea

it’s going to be amazing.

Especially garlic or soy sauce fried chicken.

But also spicy chicken bites.

Kind of like Korean orange chicken?

I can’t spell the word.

So the connection between them is fire? That’s how she summons him? Or is it the act of putting them out?

“I must be a fairy. Like Tinker Bell.”

*rolls eyes and vanishes immediately to get away from the stupid*

Haha, so it is lighting and blowing out a flame.

If blowing out a digital candle works-

JFC IT WORKS

“Goblin” must be a loose translation.

Because nothing about this is goblin-like in western mythology.

So it must just be the closest equivalent creature to translate to.

Ah, now he knows who she is.

And what she is.

Wow, he’s brutal.

“Just go die then. I only care about you 10 won worth”.

*follows him through a portal to the other side of the world on accident*

I think he just peed himself.

“Canada.... you mean the place with the maple leaf? The one in North America?!?!??!?!?”

LMAOOOOOOOOOOOO

“No matter how I think about it, you’re a goblin... I love you.”

Immediately latches on to tall, dark, and handsome because he insta-travels.

Mood.

#goblin #korean drama #reaction thread

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fishdavidson · 7 years ago

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Dream Journal 2017-11-19: LEMME TELL YOU ABOUT THE NEWEST ACTION MOVIE THAT NEEDS TO BE MADE

After two days of absence due to me literally forgetting every dream I had (Friday) and playing Pokemon until it was too late to write coherent sentences (Saturday), I’m now back with some quality content! But first, let’s get the bits and pieces of dreams out of the way:

Dream Fragments

Watched a documentary about PayPal’s identity verification processes and how individuals of seemingly Middle Eastern ancestry are disproportionately targeted for verification, told for the perspective of a businessman from India. It was a surprisingly engrossing story.

Rode my bicycle down an empty stretch of highway at sunset during the late summer. The wind on my face was wonderful and the sunset was especially vibrant.

A zombie apocalypse went down, but I was too busy having emotionally fulfilling marital relations with my wife in the woods to get involved with petty matters like “the end of the world” and “the fate of humanity.”

Met an imaginary celebrity who looked sort of like Bill Murray with wavy black hair that came down past his shoulders. Apparently his name was Bill Pentecost, and he really liked apples.

I was badly singing (like really badly) a version of the song “Low Ride” and my wife was like “Sweetie, please, no. Don’t do that.”

In another bicycle/celebrity dream, I rode past an apartment complex that seemingly appeared overnight. There was a big sign outside that said “YES KEANU REEVES LIVES HERE GO AWAY JFC.” Maybe Keanu Reeves lives there? Or is that just some weird misdirection?

The Feature Presentation: “The Kidnapping of the Cupcake”

And speaking of Keanu Reeves, he has an appearance in yet another of my dreams! The last dream fragment before I woke to feed the cats was the one about Keanu’s apartment, and I guess my brain was just primed to see Keanu when I went back to sleep (because cats don’t seem to care about waking their humans up at “reasonable” hours). But what I saw during this next bout of sleep was an extended trailer for a film called “The Kidnapping of the Cupcake.”

Yes, the name is kind of silly, but stick with me now. There’s a jazz soundtrack that opens up the trailer and we see Keanu Reeves walking down the street in a suit (no beard, though, for all you John Wick fans). He stops at a house and bangs on the door. It opens to reveal Christopher Lloyd who looks to be every bit of his circa-2017 age. Keanu tells his friend to get ready because they’re about to have to go on a mission together to dole out some vigilante justice. These characters probably have names that weren’t revealed to me, so in the interest of simplicity, I’ll just keep referring to them by the names of their actors.

Cut to a shot of the two guys walking down the street wearing long coats even though it’s the middle of summer in what looks to be California. Despite this, they still look dapper as hell. “We can’t get cupcakes any more at that bakery we like,” Keanu says.

“This is unacceptable!” says Christopher.

Now there’s a training montage where Keanu and Christopher practice superhuman feats of archery with their crossbows. Yes, these men are definitely crossbow-wielding assassins. And that cupcake incident was what pushed them both over the edge. These dudes can shoot incoming arrows/bolts out of the air with zero effort. It’s like that bullet-time effect in The Matrix, only less cheesy and not done with copious amounts of slow motion. Most of the training montage is actually the two of them shooting directly at each other and either catching the bolts with their bare hands or shooting them out of the sky like a boss. When the training montage is complete, the two men high-five each other.

The scene cuts to a tastefully-lit shot of the interior of a sun drenched high-rise apartment in France. It’s shot in a stylized way to look slightly hazy, and you can tell it’s probably a flashback. Orange sunlight floods through the open windows into the pink living room. A young boy and a woman are seen in silhouette in the shot, and the woman is leaning over the boy telling him that she’s got to go away for a while and that she’ll be back soon.

Now we’re back in the present. There are disjointed shots of explosions, tables being flipped in a restaurant, various threats from the bad guy, and at least one gratuitous slow-mo shot of a bullet piercing a red velvet cake.

Keanu points his crossbow directly at the camera and says something cool and action-movie-esque, like “You picked the wrong day to take away my cupcakes.” And because it’s a fast-paced movie trailer, he shoots his crossbow bolt into the camera toward the viewer right as the movie’s title card comes into view:

It’s a solid pink background with white script that reads “The Kidnapping of the Cupcake” and a chocolate cupcake tumbles from the top of the screen and lands icing-side down just beneath the words. A maraschino cherry that adorned the top of the cupcake is crushed under the weight of such deliciousness that is splatters like stylized blood (because apparently Zack Snyder of 300 and Sin City fame did the title sequence). Smooth jazz continues to play until the music is interrupted by the sound of a gunshot.

The above is the most accurate retelling I can make of the dream as it happened, but there are a few points that were kind of left in need of clarification. As hilarious as it would be for two assassins to go on a murder rampage because cupcakes got taken off the menu, I think there was more to it than that. The feel of the dream seemed to indicate that the woman in the apartment was the owner and only baker at the cupcake place. She was kidnapped by some European guy for unspecified reasons about something that happened in France, and the kidnapper wanted a ransom for his troubles.

Keanu Reeves was a loyal customer that showed up every day for a single cupcake, and he had mostly retired from the world of murder-for-hire. But when he found out that the supply of his precious daily cupcake were going to be interrupted, he took up arms again and went to work. I’m pretty sure he solved the problem and got free cupcakes for life, so the story has a happy ending for everybody who isn’t a criminal. Pretty sure that guy got shot to death, but what else would you expect?

If someone would like to turn this into an actual movie/script/story, feel free to do so. Just let me see the final result (and let me meet Keanu Reeves and Christopher Lloyd if you have pull to make things happen in Hollywood). Until next time, my dreamtime friends!

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Header image of Keanu Reeves getting guns pointed at him is a promotional shot from John Wick Chapter Two.

#dream journal #keanu reeves #john wick #christopher lloyd #movie #trailer #dreams #fishdavidson #zombies #paypal #bicycle #hof

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lunationgeckos · 8 years ago

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I’ve started a post on this a few times since Sunday and think I can finally write a bit without keyboard smashing. I have had a very bad weekend which made me extremely angry and killed a lot of enthusiasm I had for 2017 plans. I’m still angry.

The short: I found geckos I sold two months ago on a table at Repticon, and the girl was on that table gravid.

Due to my plans to sell the house this year, we decided to sell a really big, heavy, solid wood modified display piece we had been working on. We found out it was too tall to go where we are moving.

When I found a buyer, it was also neat to find someone who was wanting to get into breeding leopard geckos. Had a few back and forth emails over the next few weeks mostly to do with the display unit before he came to pick up. They were an injured vet and recently left the military and were wanting to get into reptiles. Their wife spoiled all of them, they said. They had pictures of him with his kids holding a pretty bearded dragon. He’s friends with a local exotic store owner that usually has nice looking stuff.

He cooed over the geckos that I showed him when he was here. Thought Link looked gorgeous. I was a little on the fence about him, but the inclusion of his family being involved tipped me over in favor of him. So I let him buy two of them.

Eight weeks later, I am excited to go see the first full Repticon show that they’ve had in my city for a few years as they’ve finally found a new venue. The vendors are a good variety. Even had great high end leopard geckos there. I was excited to take pictures and grab some hornworms and hopefully a big bunch of superworms and just enjoy. Even found a tarantula breeder that had cute containers that would have been very dapper for isopod colonies.

Instead, on my initial full circuit, I spot the only pair of leos on one vendors table. I pick one bin up and spot the tiny white tip of her tail. Then I spot the guy helping the vendors and get more pissed than I’ve been in years. It’s the two of them. None of the genetic info I gave him is listed and they are definitely not in the same condition he received them in.

It’s been two months. ��Like, you have to go out of your way to fuck up with a leopard gecko in two months. They’re both horribly dehydrated and have shed stuck to their toes, one is missing a toe tip or two. I wish I didn’t clamp down so hard when I’m angry as I couldn’t make a scene. The guy recognized us, though, because now he was silent.

I shake for half an hour and it ruins the rest of the show. I took no pictures. Only made myself buy some hornworms and walked around trying to chat with the other gecko vendors but mostly just being a nuisance. After I’d thrown what the guy had paid me back at him (he didn’t try to upsell them?), the guy disappeared for at least an hour. Then later, is over there carrying around and displaying a gorgeous tree boa he has no right to be touching.

Despite putting a few drops of bottled water in the deli cups with them, when I make them a sauna at home, they licked at it for a half an hour straight. The boy is still in good weight despite the toe shed and dehydration, but Blender lost at least 15 grams. I put some fat roaches in their own old bowls and make the good decision to give them a quick cocoa fiber mix in their wet hides instead of doing regular QT paper towels.

They both ate a few roaches that night despite their stress and my rage just keeps growing. The very next morning Blender lays a fertile egg. She was at that show gravid and ready to lay. It’s such bullshit. And she laid 16 duds last year and only ever lost 10g the entire season. She is practically bullet proof unless you’re a neglectful piece of shit.

She hasn’t laid another egg yet. I hope she’s absorbed it. The poor girl didn’t even bother to dig before letting out that egg. Luckily she’s already eaten a bunch of roaches, so I think she’s going to be just fine, but what bullshit.

I’m not sure how I always find these people. I spend a lot of time talking to them. Asking them questions. Offering my help. Offering information. But they’ll still just do all the work to get what they want. This is why I’m so cynical, JFC.

I emailed the guy tersely yesterday and he sent me two emails and a text message, so I’m pretty sure he’s feeling rather called out. Good. Also have a friend with good connections who is going to get a supplier to chew out the guy who owned the table over his asshole friend. Also good.

He said he was getting out of ‘leopards’ and that those two were the last ones he had. I hope he stays 70000 miles away from them. But if he can’t properly care for some leopard geckos he needs to get the hell away from any of the harder species.

I mean, keeping a leo healthy literally can be done in ten minutes a week. There’s just zero excuse for this and zero excuse for selling a gravid female about to lay. (or gravid at all, imo)

Trying very hard not to rethink 2017 plans. I love working with animals, but damn do I hate working with the people.

Can’t even properly vent to most of my friends cause they’re just all ‘wow, how did you even recognize them, I mean they’re lizards!’

#animal neglect #animal abuse #bullshit #pissed as hell #Why are people like this #text post #long post

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