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fandomwritingbit · 11 months

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💀Hallowe'en Special💀

After Hours,

Springtrap x fem reader

Synop: Sneaking into a horror attraction after dark was really fucking stupid and you're about to find out just how much.

A/n: I totally get that this probably isn't everyone's cup of tea, so please be warned, also bare in mind writing for Springtrap is completely new for me.

Warnings: Springtrap/william afton. Explicit non-con/rape. Violence. Threat. Themes of kidnapping.

Credit to image creator.

It was everything you expected and more.

The building reeked of lack of care, practically falling apart with all its paint peeling and the half illuminated sign. It looks creepy as fuck. That's why you came.

You love to be scared. And this place has the potential to be truly terrifying.

You spoke to a friend of yours who told you they'd done exactly this a week or so ago. And it was soooo much better after hours, when you can go where you want to and do what you want to; which in your case is dick around with the animatronics. They were supposed to come along as well but flaked out last minute, leaving you standing in front of the place on your lonesome. But you’re not one to be defeated by a shit friend not showing, so you’re still going to go in.

And so, with your phone torch lighting your way you go to the back of the building. And unsurprisingly you're greeted with a high fence with its gate chained closed. That isn't going to stop you though. Smirking, you throw your backpack over the fence and then slide your phone under it, torch up so you can sort of see what you're doing.

One foot wedges in the metal, the toe of your shoe just able to fit through the diamond-shaped gap enough to give you purchase, letting you slot your other foot in the gap a little higher up. It was easy really, almost like they wanted you to hop over it, no anti-climb or spikes or anything. At the top of the fence you sit for a moment, wishing you kept hold of your phone for a photo here, illuminated by the solitary light of the building sign. Oh well, there's always the opportunity on the way out.

You jump down, careful to land with bended knees, if you hurt yourself you wouldn’t exactly be able to call an ambulance. From there you dust yourself off for a minute and grab all your stuff, wincing when the harsh light of your phone catches your eye.

"And now the fun begins." You whisper to yourself, as you slip around the building, quickly laying your eyes on the back door, which according to your mate was easy pickings, quite literally. Shoving your makeshift kit into the lock, it only takes a few moments of jiggling in before, hey presto, the bitch clicks open. It really was too easy.

Inside, you flash your torch around this hallway, thinking to yourself that it looks like a 'back-stage' area with all the clutter and, god, the dust, which now flitted through the air disturbed by your movement. Honestly, with the amount of it caked on everything you wouldn’t think that this place was operational. Box after box lay on the chequered tile floor and you follow them down the corridor, checking door handles along your way.

One opens to reveal a small cupboard filled with toilet roll and cleaning supplies. Another to one with stacks of papers, documents of some kind, probably accounts or some shit, but seriously who keeps paper copies nowadays? But the third one was the most interesting one.

The metal door was a labour to open, scraping into the floor over a mark from others doing the same thing, the room was dark but you can tell instantly that it’s much bigger than the previous two. You use your phone torch to scan through the pitch black, revealing the jackpot. Animatronic heads are mounted on the wall like the room belongs to some kind of a game hunter. Pointing the light down, you see the rest of the beasts, huge chest cases and clumpy-looking feet littered along the floor And in the corner the skeletons, light bouncing off them back at you, their eyes reflecting red.

“Ho-ly shit…” You say into the darkness, grinning from ear to ear. This place was fucking insane, in the absloute best way. You waste no time inserting yourself in the room, placing huge metal heads over your shoulders and snapping a few pics looking like some demonic purple rabbit. Then some more with your arm draped over these endo-skeleton things, these took you a bit longer to build the courage to touch because fuck, their eyes were staring right into the depths of your soul. But once you did touch them and they didn’t pounce on you, you felt reassured enough to tackle anything else this creepy attraction would throw at you.

After about ten minutes in your photoshoot, you leave the room wanting to see more than the behind the scenes stuff, you may as well see all the bits the normies get to see. Looking online earlier you knew all about the set up, creepy 80s looking corridors designed to mirror an old pizzeria chain, where apparently some kids had gone missing. Patrons could even sit inside the faux-security office taking shifts trying not to jump out of their skins as robotic creatures stalked them. Now that, you’re dying to see.

It takes you no time to find the corridors leading to the security office, on the way discovering the dormant animatronics. One a seven foot fucking teddy bear, another a beat up looking rabbit. Golden- or maybe green, it’s hard to tell in the absence of light. This one is particularly nerve-wracking, something about its stance, it’s head tilted to the side but its eyes looking up.

“Fuuuuck,” you giggle, angling your head to look into the creature’s mouth, open only slightly. “the designers did a good job on you, shit…” It’s only when your face gets very close to it, the robot shifts, its metallic body struggling loudly in the otherwise silent building. You flinch hard, body shoving itself away from it, thudding against the wall hard enough to wind yourself. It quickly halts, the movement dying when its head fully rears.

You breathe out shakily, laughing at your own stupidity, clearly you triggered some kind of motion sensor and paid the price for it. You shake your head at the beast, moving away from it down the corridor and into the office, careful not to get too close to anything else that could try to scare the shit out of you. You finally manage it, and step into the office through a doorway without the actual door part, an excited smile spreading across your face. This is so fucking cool, you think, crouching down to look at a monitor on the desk, then deciding to sit in the grimy swivel chair in front of it. You then notice that the desk has drawers in it and move to look through them, an eagerly curious part of you taking over. The top one is full of a tonne of random shit sellotape, paperclips, a computer mouse and its ancient cord. The one underneath though, sticks, you rive it hard to try and open it, even more intrigued that it wouldn’t open. You jiggle it hard, the rattle echoing in the large room, but your efforts amount to fuck all and it doesnt move an inch.

You sigh, calling the drawer a bastard under your breath and recline a little in the seat, closing your eyes for a moment. When you open them you nearly jump six feet in the air at the sight of that fucking animatronic from earlier, the yellow bunny, standing in the the doorway, it’s huge head peeking round the corner, staring directly at you. How in god’s name didn’t you hear the fucking thing move? It must weigh loads and it looks old, so there’s no way it can move silently.

“God, this place.” you say, to yourself, to the room, it doesn’t matter. You’ve had enough scares for tonight, it’s probably best if you bail before you trigger any other attractions. No longer smiling, you stand up hesitantly, moving slowly and consciously. Some kind of dread now hanging in the air because this fucking rabbit is really creepy.

You walk up to the door and carefully squeeze yourself through the gap, desperate to not touch the thing. Managing it, you outwardly sigh, that was a small mercy because some loud noise from the robot would probably give you a heart attack right now. You step away from it, ready to get yourself out of here. But the second your back is turned the most agonising sound makes you freeze.

Breathing. Raspy, pained, human, fucking breathing.

Your turning around is prevented by the cold grip on your throat, backing you up against its metal body, its lack of body heat making goosebumps spring over you instantly. Uselessly, you push against its hold, instinctively wanting to get away from it and the reality of what was happening. But your struggling just makes it grip you harder, thick plastic fingers tight on the base of your throat.

A deeply coarse sound vibrates from the creature, a breathy sound that takes you a while to realise is laughter. Laughter cold and mean, making your heart hammer in your chest. “What stupid little girl snoops around in the dark on her own?” Each word sounds painful, it must take the thing sheer will to push past such agony just to taunt you.

You tremble, “What- what are you?” the words so quietly terrified you can’t believe they’re your own. There’s no way this is part of the attraction. Just no way anyone would program this to grab patrons so violently. This was something all too wrong and all too real.

Without warning or hesitation the creature uses your throat as leverage to slam you against the wall, there’s no room for protest or struggling, it’s power is inhumanly strong. You cry out when your body hits the concrete, its unfeeling coolness stark contrast to the fretful heat coming from you. The robot’s head cranes down above yours, a subtle clicking alerting you to every slight movement. You’re winded, energy trickling down your face as tears when you’re dawned to the terrifying conclusion that you’re trapped.

It finally answers you, the raspy voice coiling your stomach in fear. “Your worst fucking nightmare.” The creature must hear you sob in response because again it- he laughs, it’s cold and mocking. Only stopping when he takes the time to parrot your desperate fearful noises back at you, making himself laugh again. It’s becoming clear to you that this must be a person, someone inside this awful thing, an employee gone rogue, trying to scare the living daylights out of people stupid enough to break in… maybe. But that voice…

“You’re hurting me.” You choke out, unsure of what you’re trying to accomplish. Internally reasoning that people have empathy and people can be talked down, you hope that he’ll let you go but it seems more and more unlikely by the second. The hand on the back of your head flexes, tangling in your hair and yanking your head upwards so you can glimpse him out of the corner of your eyes and the sight is just awful.

The inexpressive face comes close as the man inside hisses through the rabbit mask, “You don’t know the meaning of hurt.”

“Look,” you whimper, “I’m sorry- I shouldn’t have come here.” The words are near incomprehensible through your tears. “God, I shouldn’t have come here…” You repeat, body convulsing under the monster’s grip. Your crying is loud in the corridor, echoing off the hard floors and mirroring the heartbreaking sound back at you. You're lost in it for a couple of seconds whilst this thing seems to just enjoy the sound, before the air is knocked from your lungs by the creature’s hand trailing down the arch of your back, all the way down to your behind where he grabs a hard handful of your flesh. It’s so unexpected that you just stare at what you can see of him over your shoulder, now silently shaking. The action turns your stomach, it doesn’t hurt but it’s rough and riddled with intent.

His other hand moves, turning you around before again shoving you to the wall and caging you in with his massive frame, using that insane strength to push you down to your knees. “No,” He almost coos, “You shouldn’t have. But don’t worry… I won’t let you go to waste.”

Whilst you're still making sense of the words, the monster grabs itself at the waist, huge fingers prying between the metal plates and rummaging until he frees his very human and very real penis. You don't want this and the disdain is evident in your eyes, but a dark part of you thinks that to please him will make him let you go. He holds himself before you, there's no illusion even with the suit that he's huge and the thought scares you.

The metallic hand in your hair pulls your head towards him and you obey, fear making you compliant. He smears himself against your lips, precum already leaking from his tip and laying warm on your face. He doesn't have to tell you to open your mouth, the rough tilting of your head is enough, and you hesitantly part your lips, flinching when he yanks you towards him. Your eyes involuntarily close when he shoves his cock in your mouth, he doesn't hold back, pushing himself as far in your throat as he can before you gag, your hands frenzied grabbing at the creature's hips. He pulls back for a moment before shoving back in repeatedly, forcing your jaw open to accept him each time.

He grunts, burying himself inside your throat and holding you still. "You'll have to do better than that, if you're scared of me hurting you." The snarl in his voice makes your eyes wide with realisation of what he wants. You obey without question, hollowing your cheeks and sucking him as good as you can, his grip relenting enough to let you. Swirling your tongue on the underside of his shaft with only the goal of getting this over with as soon as possible. It’s like he knows and the huge hand in your hair slows your movement, forcing you to take him slow and deep, revelling in the feeling of your hot mouth and the frantic way your eyes dart around.

The salty taste of his big cock stirs you, and each time he uses your mouth it makes your heat betray the pain of his brutal hold. It’s instinctual and even though your mind is against it your body is reacting. Trying to push the conflicting feelings from your mind you continue sucking, an eagerness spurring you on when he groans, he’s close, you can tell from the leniency in his grip. But just as you’re getting your hopes up that he’s going to finish, he pulls your lips from him, making you look up at the terrifying form above you. The sudden dread that sizzles through you is inexplicable, it’s almost as though you forgot how horrifying this costume was and the reminder shocks your core.

You look so frightened kneeling there, your pupils tiny and your lips still parted, saliva dripping down your chin that underneath the mask he smirks cruelly, the action painful enough to make his cock twitch. With how warm and slick your mouth was, he can only imagine how tight your little cunt is going to be, fuck it’s been so long since he last broke a pretty thing like you. He’s going to savour it.

“Stand up.” The monster commands, the raspy voice insanely harsh. You obey without question your legs trembling as all trace of hope leaves you, all chance of this ending any time soon trickled between your legs. As soon as you reach your feet his large hand grabs your shoulder shoving you forwards, back towards that old guard’s office you left only minutes ago, but it felt like years. Stumbling through the doorway, the brief idea of running flashes through your mind, but you’re too scared, you don’t want to make what this man was going to do worse.

You don’t have the chance anyway, with crazy strength he catches your arm, forcing your body down onto the desk in front of you. A pathetic whimper leaves your lips at the rough action, your whole body still shaking. Once he has you where he wants you, the creature’s huge hands rake over your body, no gentleness or intimacy in his touch, just pure malicious lust. He gabs at your breasts, fingers digging harshly into the sensitive skin, then roughly pulling up the fabric of your shirt, so roughly the material tears. You’d be cold if not for the raging adrenaline in your veins. At the sight of your naked torso the mascot bears down on you, no emotion in its dead eyes, “Such a stupid girl, coming here, getting yourself in trouble. Is this what you wanted, huh?” To punctuate the question he takes hold of your face, squeezing your cheeks so that you let out a shaky gasp.

You wrap your fingers around his wrist, pulling against the hold that was making your teeth hurt, but he doesn’t move an inch. At your silence he grabs your left tit pinching your nipple so hard your body raises from the desk to try and escape it. “Huh?” He snarls again. And you try to shake your head, but with no way to move you’re forced to speak.

“No-o.” Your voice cracks, your answer making the creature above you grind his cock against your thigh, the godforsaken suit preventing him from touching himself, his own unique fucking torture. His mocking spurs a sudden surge of fight and sees your legs rise and kick hard at his chest, the dull thud of striking metal echoing in the dark room. It’s useless, and his laughing is only proof. He holds your legs against his chest with one hand, using the other to tug down your legging and the panties you were wearing underneath, taking them completely from your body and discarding them on the dirty floor.

Looking down at your wet cunt he near growls, such a slick little fucktoy that walked right into his grasp. Cold metallic fingers trace over your entrance, pulling your folds apart to see the trembling of your hole, your unwanted wetness coating his fingers. You hate yourself for being aroused but maybe it’s for the best, maybe it’ll make this more bearable. You quiver when his digit pokes inside you the costume fingers large enough to stretch you open when he sinks in, you groan the invasion pressing against a coil in your core. Seeing how your pussy swallowed his finger so well, tight around him when he fucked it in and out made him pull away, needing his hands to hold your thighs down as he rubbed the head of his dick against your entrance. Desperate to feel the grip of your walls on one of the only parts of him that remained intact.

He shoves into you roughly, forcing your walls to accept him, all air in your lungs leaving in a suffered groan. He’s thick and long and pushing to the hilt you feel more than full, like he was taking you over, touching all of you at once. The stretch burned but the pain quickly dulled when he began rutting into you, a selfishly brutal pace that had you helplessly gasping. He fucks you as deep as the suit will allow him, the waist of the costume slamming into your hips so hard the desk thudded against the floor.

It’s like you’re outside of your body looking at the scene, feeling his hands move to lift your body from the desk, holding you and manipulating the angle of his pounding to suit him. Shoving into the part of you that makes you scream and your juices spill around the base of his cock. It doesn't feel real, but at the same time is brutally so an unwilling pleasure seizing hold of you and making you clench around his length. He groans,not stopping his pace as you begin to flutter around him, what a filthy fucking thing you are to enjoy this, he thinks, the thought making him fuck you harder. Forceful thrusts that quickly beginning to stutter as the monster nears his end, bursting inside you like an animal and stuffing you full of him. You’re dirty, used and broken, letting the cum seep around him, dripping down onto the desk.

He holds you still for what feels like hours before dropping you down onto the slick tabletop, leaving you to crumple on the floor. There’s no coherent thoughts in your mind, just a frightening emptiness as you get to your knees and crawl over to where he threw your clothes, hands shaking as you try to gather them up. He chuckles at your form, bruises already beginning to show on your hips and thighs, before slowly walking to you, a cold metal foot shoving you over, your body thudding into the floor.

“Now, where do you think you’re going?”

A/n: Here it is. My second Hallowe'en event, thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed. I know this is very different to the kind of thing I usually write, but heck, why not try something new. X

Stay tuned for my third fic!

#fnaf #springtrap smut #springtrap x reader #springtrap x you #cw noncon #cw violence #cw murder #FWB's halloween event #william afton #william afton smut #william afton x reader #william afton x you

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lamentationsofalonelypotato · 5 months

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You Call It Madness But I Call It Love

Chapter 16: Please Come Back To Me

Pairing: Soldier Boy x f!reader, Reader POV

Summary: When the reader left Payback 40 years ago after a falling out with her childhood best friend she never looked back, but when two men show up to her apartment and start asking her questions about the past, the reader begins to think those things can’t stay hidden and starts to question what’s real and what’s fantasy. This is a re-telling of The Boys Season 3, where the reader is a supe who's known Soldier Boy since 1927. The chapters will fluctuate between past and present. This is chapter sixteen of my "You Call It Madness But I Call It Love" series. (I'm so bad at summaries please forgive me!)

Word Count: 7.6K (You know you love it)

Warnings: References to sex, Cursing, Angst, Alot of Angst, Crying, Heartbreak, Soldier Boy might be, is, really, absolutely, completely a little OOC, Soldier Boy is really all you need as a warning.

Note: This is told from the Reader's perspective. Any references to the reader is made using you or your. There is minimal use of y/n. I tried my best to proofread, but nobody's perfect. Reader is described as "curvy" occasionally. If you don’t like, don’t read, but if you do like, you’re my favorite!

Internal Monologue is in first person and is in italics

Series Masterlist

Masterlist

Additional Warning: This chapter contains severe amounts of fluff and angst. Ben is SUPER OOC and really soft in this chapter, I will not apologize for that, but I will say you're welcome 😉 If you don't like either of those things, then probably shouldn't read this?

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When you wake up you think you dreamed it all, but one look at your blotchy red face in the mirror of your bathroom, dried snot on your shirt, and your inability to find your phone means that it did happen.

Ben was back and you didn't know where to go from here.

Bits and pieces of the conversation explode in your head like fireworks and your grip on the bathroom sink tightens so much that the countertop cracks beneath your hands.

Shit.

You extract your fingers from the marble that crumbled like gravel in your iron grip and glance down at your watch. You’d been asleep for 7 hours, which meant that now it was 10 pm and you probably weren't going to sleep tonight.

As if you could after everything that just happened.

Honestly, you were surprised that you had been able to, but you figured it was just the exhaustion of everything that happened, the heartbreak, the shouting, the tears, the inability of you to let go of the past, and Ben's confession of love that you waited 80 years to hear. You had wondered in the past if he wanted to say it the night that you decided to come with him, if he really did care for you as much as you cared for him all these years. Now that you knew, you wish you didn't. You wish that you could let him go, let go of the things that happened all those years ago, and wish that you hadn't fallen for him and expected him to catch you.

You think about crawling back into bed and hugging your pillow until you fall asleep so you don’t have to think about Ben. You wince at the thought of his name.

He apologized, admitted that he loved me, said that what he did was wrong, said that he wouldn’t leave- The urge to cry lodges in the back of your throat. How do I have any tears left?

You think about how much you wanted to run to him, to throw yourself into his arms, but you knew that you shouldn't want to. Ben broke you. What he did weighed on your heart everyday, but you wanted to forgive him.

How can I still want him as much as I do? How can I want him to fix this even after he did everything he could to push me away?

The look in his eyes when he confessed his feelings to you flashes through your mind in black and white.

Ben admitted weakness, said that he was scared of all things. Ben wasn't afraid of anything.

Over 40 years of friendship meant that you knew every part of him, but the part you had seen in your apartment, him practically begging you to forgive him was not one that you were used to and was not one that you had ever seen.

It was unusual for him to look broken and vulnerable.

The closest you'd ever come to seeing it was on the nights back in Philadelphia when he tapped on your window, on nights when his father gave him a hard time and Ben needed a place to crash. When the look in his eyes made you want to pull him into your arms and never let him go, to tell him that everything was going to be okay, that he wasn't a disappointment. Because despite everything with Countess, Ben wasn't a disappointment to you.

Everything was easier when you were kids, when Ben would fall asleep beside you in your bed and when you woke up in his arms, you wished that he did it on purpose.

I guess he was trying to say that he did it on purpose. You sigh as you walk into your closet to find a soft t-shirt while avoiding the duffle bag that you threw inside the double doors before you collapsed onto the bed.

But even if he was sorry, how do I know he won’t just act like the boy I used to know and tomorrow pretend he doesn’t exist? It was so easy for him to do that, to say that I meant nothing to him, to act like he didn't care.

You think about the morning after your birthday, when he looked soft and happy in your bed and how quickly he shifted into the cold mask he wore as Soldier Boy. How easy it was for him to push you away and ignore you, act like you didn’t exist and cling to Countess at the premiere.

How do I know he won’t do that again? How can I trust him? How can I forget everything he did?

You think about the night you found him with Countess, think about the moments before at the premiere, when she made you believe that you were the ugly little girl who watched Ben prance around your birthday party with Missy Callahan. Your mind stutters on her name, remembering the last time you heard it in conversation on the night that you wished would never end.

"Don't be jealous of Missy Callahan. She's nothing compared to you. Never has been, never will be."

You hear Ben whisper it to you while your song played and remember that it made you feel like you were floating, made you feel understood and seen for the first time in your life. The memory of the night you spent together rises to the surface and you allow yourself to remember, remember how it felt to finally have him completely, how much it meant to you for him to be there with you, and how he made you feel special and loved.

Your jaw clenches as the image of him with Countess sours the memory of the perfect night you had together, as the memory of the words he shouted at you rip through the happy glow you had the morning after your birthday when you told him everything you'd always wanted to.

And then the memory of what he said to you a few hours ago rises.

"We made love. I understood that when I woke up the next morning and I was happy to be there with you. I knew that I loved you and I wanted to tell you, but I fucked it all up instead. I fucked Countess because I was scared of what loving you meant. But I'm ready now, I'm not scared anymore. I love you!"

Damn it why does it have to be like this. You clench your teeth together in anger and frustration. Why did he have to do this? Why did I have to love him? Why couldn't he have just stayed gone? Why did he have to come here-

"No. I love you and I'm not leaving!"

The words reverberate around in your skull, shaking through your body like an avalanche, shaking the foundation that you built to push him away. Because you didn't want to. You didn't want him to leave. You didn't want him to leave ever again. But you weren't sure if you could survive again if he did that again. If you opened your heart to him only to have him crush it under his heel all over again.

It was so long ago. 40 years. 40 years that he said he spent regretting what he said that night. We both said things that night.

Sometimes you wondered if Ben was as broken as you were after the fight. You think about how he looked when you went into your room and think about what he said.

Maybe he was.

Apart of you didn’t want to forgive him and didn’t believe that he really understood what he did to you. The other part wanted to leave your apartment and find him, ask him to stay, forgive him and let him back in to your heart.

More frustrated tears slip down your cheeks as you look for a pair of your soft sweatpants. When you walk out of your closet you think about going back to bed again, but you knew that sleep wouldn't come.

Maybe I should call Rosie. She'd be proud of me for not forgiving him, but probably would be mad that he came here. And I should probably tell her that I didn't have to go to Russia.

That thought gives you the strength to leave your bedroom, bare feet padding down the cool floors of the hallway back to your living room. The lights are all off, save from one single lamp on the coffee table next to the plush leather couch, the same one that you'd thrown Ben over when he grabbed your arm.

But when you cross from the hallway into the living room, you realize that you aren't alone.

Ben is sitting on the couch, leaning forward on his forearms, a blunt perched in his right hand where his arm rests against his knee, looking down at his feet. He looks up at you when you walk in, eyes piercing in the warm light of the lamp, familiar in a way that almost makes you start crying all over again.

"What are you still doing here? I thought I told you-" You begin to say, voice hoarse from crying, trying to summon up enough anger to push him away, but then your eyes shift to your kitchen counter.

A pretty glass vase of fresh cut lavender sits on the counter, the sharp clean smell floats through the air soothing the anger and frustration that you drew on to speak.

Despite your age and the way most considered them to be classic, you thought that over the years roses had become generic. But you loved lavender. It reminded you of the country home your family lived at over the summers when your mother declared that the smog in the city was too much and you all needed a holiday. She always seemed softer in the countryside, all the sharp edges of the city melting away. She didn’t snipe at your figure or your paint stained hands, if anything she gave you more freedom. You spent your summers outside in the garden staring up at the clouds missing Ben, painting and sketching, while the smell of the flowers enveloped your senses. You used to send letters to him and some sketches of flowers or small painted doodles after pressing fresh lavender into the envelopes so they would smell like it when they got to him. You wanted him to think of you whenever he smelled lavender.

He remembered how much I loved lavender?

Your eyes shift to the cigar box that lays open next to it, focusing on the slips of paper that seem to spill out over your countertop.

Are those-

You reach into the box and pull out the yellowed pages of letters delicately, eyes drifting across the paper, recognizing your handwriting, remembering the painstaking moments you spent writing them to Ben, hoping that he got them, and hoping that he missed you as much as you missed him. Underneath the ones from the summers are the ones that you sent him when he was at boarding school and then finally the faded pencil sketches and faded watercolor paintings you sent him. Each piece is folded and refolded as if someone continued to look at them over and over again.

Your fingers drift over a small doodle that you did of Ben and you sitting on a bench in Philadelphia, the one that captured you laughing at something Ben said.

It was so much easier then.

“You kept them?” You breathe while looking down at the pages.

Ben stands from the couch, putting out the blunt in one of the decorative glass ashtrays on your coffee table, watching you with the same expression in his eyes that he had when you were there earlier, when you told him to leave and not come back.

"Ben-" Tears begin to fall all over again as you meet his gaze.

"I hated those summers when you were gone. I used to sleep in your room and read the letters." He whispers. "It made me realize how much I needed you in my life. I never needed anyone before." His jaw clenches together as if the thought makes him angry.

“You asked me once why I didn’t stay at those schools. It’s because when I was at all those shitty boarding schools the only thing I could think about was getting back to you, coming back home.”

The word rings in the air between you and you suddenly understand what he is saying, remember what he said the day you were together at your first baseball game and you asked him why he didn't like staying at the boarding schools.

"I don't like being there. It's not home." He had said it so casually, but you remember being confused at his reply, but now you know.

He was saying that home was with you and it made your heart feel like it was ripping itself in half because you were still so angry with him but you didn’t want to be. Not when he was saying the very thing you’d known from the beginning. That being with him was home.

“Ben-“ You say, trying to strengthen your resolve, trying to summon the anger you’ve kept close to your heart for forty years.

"Every time I came to see you, tapped on your window I thought you would push me away, turn your back on me and you never did. And when all this supe shit happened I needed you with me too, that's why I asked you to come with me. Those years before and when we were on Payback, you put up with all my shit. Even when I did horrible things to other people, you stood by me. You know more about me than anyone else, have known me for longer than anyone else-" He takes a cautionary step forward.

Tears continue to fall from your eyes, sobs shaking your shoulders, but you can't speak.

"That night with you, felt different. Even before when we were at that restaurant it was different. I didn't want to leave. It was like nothing changed, like we were in your room again just talking, before all this, when we were still in Philadelphia. The only memories that I have from Philadelphia that are worth remembering are the moments I spent with you. And when I asked if I could come back to your place I-" He sighs rubbing the back of his neck. "I thought you would say no, but you didn't. And then you told me that you had wanted me almost as much as I'd wanted you all those years, that you needed me. I always thought that it was only me that needed you."

"Ben I can't-" You voice breaks looking away from him.

Ben is close enough now that his fingers come under your chin to tilt your face up to his. “I shouldn’t have said what I said or did what I did. I didn’t want to need anyone. I thought that I had to push you away because loving you meant I was weak. But it’s not true. Loving you is the only good thing that I’ve ever done and loving you is the only thing that makes me strong.”

You close your eyes to avoid his gaze, you wanted to believe him, but you weren’t sure that you could.

"I've fucked a lot of women in my life y/n, I won't apologize for that. But I've only made love to one." His thumb brushes away another tear that falls from your eyes. "And when you told me that you wanted me to be your first, it did something to me. I wanted to be everything you needed. I didn't want just one night with you. I wanted all of them. When I woke up the next morning with you in my arms, I didn't want it to end. All those nights when I showed up at your apartment, I didn’t want to go home. I just wanted to stay with you because it was home. Even when we were kids, being with you in your room it was the only place that I felt like I belonged.”

Your hand can't help but come up between the two of you, resting solidly on his chest. Apart of you wants to push him away, but you can’t.

Ben is still touching your face, holding it up to his. Your bodies are so close together that you can feel the heat of his skin through the air between you. Another tear falls and Ben's thumb brushes it away. The smell of the lavender is intoxicating, broken up only by the familiar smell of Ben's aftershave and soap.

And somehow you find your voice. It shakes, but you hold his gaze. "I hated you for a long time. What you said broke me. I was broken so many years. I still am-“

“Sweetheart-“

“No.” You inhale sharply. “I want to believe you, but I don’t think you understand what you did. I want to believe that you’ve changed but this is exactly what happened that night on my birthday. Don’t you see? How can I believe you? How do I know that you won't pretend to be everything I want, pretend that you’re the boy I fell in love with and then the next morning you’ll push me away and act like he doesn’t exist-“ Tears leave warm trails down your cheeks. "I’m not strong enough to go through that again.”

“I promise-“

“Ben you’ve promised in the past. And I-“ More tears come. “I’ve tried so hard to put it behind me. I want to believe that you’re still you but I don’t know if I can trust you again like I did.”

"Y/n." Ben looks deep into your eyes. "I didn't pretend that night. The only time I pretended not to care was in the morning and at the premiere-"

"And how do I know you won't do it again?" You sob. "When you think that it's too weak to admit that you care about me?"

"I do fucking care about you."

"You say that now."

"I love you."

"Ben I can't-"

"I said those things because I-" He sighs, shoulders tight in frustration and anger. "I thought that I needed to push you away, that I shouldn't care about anyone as much as I care about you. But I do. I fucking care about you more than I've ever cared about anyone in my life. I didn’t want to need anyone but I do. I need you. That’s why I kept showing up in your life. That’s why I spent so many nights in your bed. I couldn’t survive the night alone and I needed you with me, even after we took the damn serum.”

“But-“

“That night when you told me that asshole, Howard proposed I knew that I couldn't lose you. I didn't want you to marry that fucker. I wanted you to be with me. He didn't know you the same way I did, he didn't understand you. He didn't deserve you. And the night we danced together I called you ‘my girl’ because I wanted you to be. I wanted you to be mine. Not because I wanted to piss him off. Because I wanted you. I’ve always wanted you. You’re the one, the only one.”

You drop your gaze to his chest, sobbing quietly to yourself. Ben tilts your head up towards his one more time, to look deeply into your eyes. There's an unfamiliar vulnerability that stares back at you, the same one you saw when Ben would come to your bedroom and wait for you to ask him to stay because he thought you would push him away the way everyone else did.

"I promise that I will never do that to you again. I know it doesn't make what I did or what I said okay. But I will spend the rest of my life trying to fix it because I can't lose you. I’ve spent forty years away from you and I don’t want to spend anymore time away. I love you. And I hate that I fucking hurt you this much."

You can see the sincerity in his eyes, hear the raw emotion in his voice, but you’re still unsure.

“Please y/n I want to fix this." He says again.

“I know you do. But you can’t just show up 40 years later And expect to fix it in one night. I know it’s not your fault that you didn’t come sooner but, you hurt me-“

“I know I did-“ his eyes drop to your shoulders as the memory of how he grabbed you that night blankets his mind.

“No not like that. Ben you don’t understand. Sorry isn’t enough. And yes hearing you say all these things was nice but it’s not enough to make me forget everything that happened.”

“But-“

“No. Ben I loved you, more than I’d ever loved anyone I-“ You shake your head tears falling fast. “I lost pieces of myself to make you happy to make sure that you had someone in your life that cared for you. I stayed for so long with you because it was all I thought I could do. And every time I thought I could leave to do something for myself you would do something to pull me back in like you had a fucking radar and knew oh if I do something that she wants I’ll get her to stay with me a little longer!”

“I knew you were unhappy! I was trying to make you happy! I wanted you to stay with me-“

“By manipulating me?”

“No it wasn’t because I wanted to manipulate you I-“ He exhales in frustration. “You told me that you wanted someone to come home to, someone who loved you, a family, I wanted to give you those things! I saw how you were looking at the other couples, I knew what you wanted. That’s why I held your hand at dinner, gave you the necklace, and that’s why I kissed you-“

“But then you pushed me away. You pushed me away when I needed you the most, when I finally said what I'd been trying to say for years.” Your voice shakes. “I can’t go to bed every night with you and wake up with the dread that you’re going to push me away again and say that I mean nothing. That you’ll be cold and unfeeling and- I can’t do that to myself again.”

“I promise I won’t-“

“I don’t know if I believe you. If I can after everything."

"Please just tell me what I can do to fix it."

"I don't know!" You shout running your fingers through your hair pulling back from him. Because you wanted him to fix it. You loved every bit of the words he said, the love he confessed to you. You loved the way he was looking at you, the way he wanted to make this up to you, but your heart wouldn't let go. It couldn't let go of the things he shouted at you, couldn't let go of the image of him and Countess, couldn't forget how happy you were to tell him you loved him and then he just acted like you were nothing. The words he said that night begin to circulate, bringing you deeper into the dark pit that threatened to swallow you whole, the pit that you'd fallen into when you thought he died.

"Ben I-" Your voice catches in your throat. "I wish that I knew what you could do to fix this. I want you to. I want to forget all of it. And I want to forgive you because I still fucking love you, but I can't do it in one day. I can’t -" And despite your better judgement you crumple against his chest, tears smearing against the front of his shirt, body shaking with sobs, and trying hard to not think how it feels the same as it always has to be pressed against him.

Ben's arms come up around you to wrap you in his embrace, tucking your head under his chin as he begins to drag his hand up and down your back in a soothing motion.

The gentleness of his touch makes you cry harder against him, hold on to him so tight that you think you'll break him in half, but he doesn't complain, he just stands there with you. It reminds you of when he came to hold you in the hotel room when your brother died, when he drove for hours to be there for you. Because despite everything that had happened between you, Ben was always there with you before that night with Countess.

You don’t know how long you standing there together, but finally Ben picks you up and carries you down the dark hallway to your bedroom and deposits you on the bed.

He waits a minute on the edge, standing as if he's unsure, brow scrunched up in frustration and anger.

"I didn't mean to hurt you this fucking much. And I don’t know how to-“ His jaw tenses and he shakes his head, squeezing his eyes shut like he can't look at you. “I don’t know how to- fuck- I can’t lose you.” Ben grips his hair so tightly you think he’s going to pull it out.

“Ben.” You sigh and despite everything , you stand up from the bed to hug him, allowing him to press his head into your shoulder and hug you so tight it hurts. It breaks something deeper in your chest because you can see how broken he is, how much he wants to fix this, and how much of him he was willing to let you see.

You didn't understand how he was being so open, how he was allowing himself to be like this after all the bullshit toxic masculinity he usually spouted and how he pushed away his feelings for so long. You wondered if after this he would push you away because you had seen him like this, or if he really did love you and that was why he was doing it.

“It’s okay.” You soothe, running your hands up and down his back. “It’s alright.”

But you’re not sure it is.

"If you still want me to leave I will. I can sleep on the couch.” Ben whispers. The emotion that flashes in his eyes when he says it, breaks your heart. It's vulnerable and raw, so different that the mask Ben wore as Soldier Boy. “But please don’t make me go.”

"I don't want you to go." You whisper. “Even after everything. I want you here with me, it’s just hard.”

“I’m sorry-"

“I know you are Ben.” You both stand there for a minute and you weigh your options.

You think about making him go back out on the couch, making him sleep alone, but you don’t want that. You knew that you’d spend the whole night thinking about him. And as much as a part of you wanted to push him away, you couldn't. So you do the opposite.

You take his hand and gently entwine your fingers with his. Ben stares down at them for a moment confused, before you sit on the bed, scooting back and tugging softly, but he hesitates.

“Are you sure?” He asks in a whisper, gaze raising from your hands to catch your eye.

You nod once tugging his hand again and this time he follows you down into the mattress.

He slides in next to you beneath the covers, keeping your hands entwined between the two of you so that they are locked against his chest as you face one another on the bed, heads resting on different pillows, but close enough that you can feel his warm breath every time he exhales.

Ben's eyes search yours. “I tried to call after. I picked up the phone but every time I did I couldn’t-“ He sighs. "I was such a fucking pussy. I didn't know what to say. I should have just come over-"

"I wouldn't have let you in." You breathe. "I didn't want to see you, didn't want to see anyone. Stan Edgar tried to come talk to me and I broke his nose."

"Really?" Ben smiles.

"Yeah." You try to smile back, but you can't.

Ben raises his free hand to push back your hair and tuck it behind your ear, but his eyes drop to your shoulders tracing the imaginary bruises that he left behind all those years ago. "I'm sorry that I hurt you. I didn’t mean to-“

You press your lips into a tight line. “I think that’s the only time I’ve ever been afraid of you.” You say in a whisper. You hadn’t wanted to admit it aloud, but it was true. You had been angry and heartbroken, but the fact that Ben had laid a hand on you, was prepared to hurt you had scared you. It was what solidified that the thought that boy you loved was gone.

But the look on his face breaks something inside you, pain and anguish flashing in his eyes.

"Ben-" You sigh, shifting forward closer to him, but he releases your hand and instead wraps his arm around your waist to pull you into his chest, pressing his head into your shoulder. You know that he can't say what he's thinking right now, but he doesn't have to.

“I also remember doing something to you.” You say because you don't know what else to, you’re not used to seeing him look so broken.

“I deserved it.” He mumbles into your shirt.

“You didn’t deserve what I said about your dad-“

“I did. You were right.”

“Ben you’re not like him.”

“But I am. Everything I did to you, is something he would have done.” He mutters, pulling you tighter against him. “I don’t know how to fucking fix this.”

“This is helping a little bit.” You whisper against your better judgement, while you inhale his shampoo and lean further into his chest. It was weird to be here with him after all these years, after all the years you spent hating him. You didn't want to forgive him, you wanted to be angry but at the same time you wanted to believe him, you wanted to believe that the boy you fell in love with was still there.

And laying here with him holding you the way you always wanted him to, made you remember that boy.

“Yeah?” He breathes, raising his head from your shoulder.

“Mhmm.”

You lay there for a minute in his embrace and it's like he never left. It's the same as when you were kids and you laid in bed together. And finally you say. "As angry as I am, I still love you. You matter too much to me for me to let you go. I think that's why it hurts so much, because you're all I had Ben and I-"

"That's why I can't lose you. You're all I have and that’s enough. You are enough. You always have been and always will be.” Ben states his eyes are wide with his confession, the pain of what he did to you flashes through them. “I love you. I’ve always loved you. But I never could think of a way to say it.”

More tears spring from your eyes and you wonder when you’ll stop crying.

Ben leans his forehead against yours. His expression softens as he looks into your eyes, his touch gentle against your cheek. “But if you’ll let me, I’d like to show you how much I love you and how sorry I am.” The look in his eyes is softer than you’ve ever seen it, reminding you of how he looked on those early mornings still half asleep and reminding you of how he looked the morning after your birthday before he ran.

You know he means well, and you understand what he’s asking, why he’s asking. He’s trying to make it up to you the only way he knows how, but you can’t do it. It's too soon. Too much after everything that happened and too much considering you're still trying to come to terms with the fact that he's here and he's finally saying everything you ever wanted him to. Not to mention that you haven't completely forgiven him.

“Ben?"

“Yeah?”

“Can you just hold me tonight?” You breathe. You felt disgusting. You had snot and tears all over your face and your cheeks were bright red and splotchy from crying. “I’m not ready for that. Not after everything. I don't think I can-”

You watch disappointment flicker in his eyes but he recovers with a soft smile. "It's okay. We can take this slow, whatever you need."

Ben drops the hand that was against your cheek and wraps his arm around your waist to pull you into his chest. You snuggle into his arms breathing in the familiar smell before bringing your arms up to wrap around the back of his neck in a tight hug.

“Did they hurt you?” You ask before you can stop yourself.

Ben’s arms tighten around you and you know that he must be remembering the past 40 years.

“What they did doesn’t matter.”

“I’m so sorry I didn’t come for you." You pull back to look into his eyes. "The others told me you were dead. I wouldn’t have left you there if I knew-“

“I know.” Ben leans his forehead against yours. “I would have come for you too.”

“I know.”

“It means a lot to me that you were still willing to come get me after everything I fucking put you through.”

“That’s what love is.”

“No.” Ben whispers. “That’s you.”

“Ben-“

“I don’t deserve you. You’ve stood by me, put up with all my shit all these years and you never turned your back on me. What I did to you is unforgivable and yet you want me here with you-“

“Ben.” You sigh. “I know that I shouldn’t want you here and a part of me wants to push you away. I should make you leave, but I can’t. You’re my best friend and I love you. And that means that even though you’re the one who hurt me, you’re the only person that I want here, comforting me. As fucked up as that is, I don’t care. What you did was horrible, but I promise that I’m going to try my best to forgive you. It might take a long time, but I want to trust you again, because I love you and I never stopped.”

He frowns despite what you confessed. “You don’t regret-“

“I said a lot of things that night. And you did too." You push his hair back over his forehead. "And for the record, I don't think your father would care about making it up to someone else. We both know that he didn't care about anyone but himself. And even after everything that happened you're proving that you aren't him, right now, by being here with me."

He presses his lips together in a tight line. "Okay."

It’s quiet for a few moments as both of you stare at one another in the dim light of your bedroom.

“Have you really loved me since we were 8?” Ben whispers.

“Yeah. Since the study.” You're not sure if you should be embarrassed or not.

He smiles. “I was 10. It was the night of my mom's funeral. My dad was giving me some shit about something, but I couldn't stop thinking about you so I climbed up the tree outside your window. I wasn't going to ask you to come in, I was just going to sit on the ledge and watch you draw. I like watching you draw, it's like you're in your own little world and you forget about everything else. You always seem so happy." Ben smiles wider. "I like seeing you happy."

You remembered that night. You had a weird feeling that someone was watching you and when you looked out your window you had seen Ben sitting there. You had made a joke about him stalking you, but then invited him in. It was the first night that he had ever spent in your bed.

"And then when we woke up the next morning, you were laying there snoring-" Ben snorts.

"I do not snore." You smile with a sniffle

"You do. It's cute." Ben's smile turns softer. "And I didn't want to wake you up, because it meant that we'd have to move and I didn't want to ever move. Because moving meant that I would have to go back to my dad and I didn't want that. I just wanted to stay there with you."

More tears pour from your eyes with his confession because again you can’t see Soldier Boy, you just see Ben, but you know it’ll take a long time until you’re completely healed.

“I didn’t want to say anything. I thought that if I did you would push me away and I didn’t have anyone else that mattered in my life. And you deserved better than me. I was always getting kicked out of boarding schools I was a fuck up. A disappointment.” Ben sighs, brushing away your tears again. “Even after we took the serum I was. You deserved someone who was-“

“I didn’t think you were a fuck up, Ben. I’ve never thought that. I hate what your father said to you, what he did to you. I hate that he made you feel like you didn’t matter.” You stroke your fingertips through his hair and Ben sighs, leaning his forehead against yours and closes his eyes. “You are worth so much more than what he told you. You mean so much to me, more than anyone else ever. That’s why I never told you. I didn’t want to lose you. You’re everything to me.”

“You’re not going to lose me. I promise I’m never going to leave you again. I missed you so fucking much sweetheart.”

“I missed you too.” You continue to move your fingers through his hair. In the past you had avoided the urge to do so, but now you wanted to comfort him. Because as much as you wanted to forget the last forty years, you wondered what they had been like for him. You wanted him to tell you what they did to him.

“Feels nice.” He murmurs, arms tightening around your waist.

“Your hair’s a lot longer.” You can’t help but smile at his reaction.

“Didn’t have time to cut it.”

“So is your beard-“

“If you don’t like it I can shave it off-“

“No don’t.” You say it quickly and Ben opens one eye to smirk at you.

“Guess you like it.”

“Maybe.”

“Then I’ll keep it just for you Sweetheart.” He leans further into you. “You know I think you look pretty good too.”

You snort. “You don’t have to butter me up just because you feel bad. I’m wearing sweatpants, I haven't brushed my hair, and my face is all puffy-“

“You look beautiful.”

“Well-“

“Stop. You do.”

“Ben-“

This time Ben raises his hand to cup your chin. “Will you just let me compliment my girl?”

The nickname is familiar. You remember the last time he called you that, when you were dancing and he finally kissed you for the first time. “Do you really mean it this time?”

“I always meant it. You are mine and nothing else matters.” The look in his eyes is determined, as if he wants you to understand how much you mean to him.

“Does that mean that you're mine too?" Your voice is almost a whisper, frightened of his answer. Although he had apologized and said that he wanted to make it up to you, you were still afraid. Afraid that Ben couldn't do this.

"Y/n." Ben's expression is pained. "I promise I will never do that again. I will never hurt you like that ever. Believe me when I say that."

"I'm trying to."

“What can I do to fix it?” He asks again.

“I don’t know.”

And you don't. Because you understood that Ben was trying his hardest to make up for what happened, and yes you loved that he was like this now, but you were afraid, afraid that the next day you'd wake up and he'd be gone and Soldier Boy would be back.

Ben sighs. "I am yours and I don’t want to be anywhere else." His eyes are focused on you, determined, but filled with a softness that turns the beautiful emerald into a clover that reminds you of the soft grass at the park the day you painted him.

You weren’t used to him looking at you like that, like you were the only person in the world. It had only happened one other time, the morning after your birthday when you were more happy than you'd ever been in your entire life.

“Okay.” You whisper back because you don’t know what else to say. “Ben?”

“Mhmm?”

“What did they do to you?”

Ben’s body tenses. “It doesn’t matter now.”

"Please tell me.”

“Why?”

“Because you were there for forty years and I-“

“It doesn’t fucking matter. Just drop it.” Ben snaps, eyes blazing green.

You wait for a beat, watching the blaze of his eyes turn down to a simmer. “It’s okay to admit that the last forty years haven’t been easy. I won’t judge you for that or think less of you Ben. And if we’re going to do this, be in a relationship, you’re going to need to share things with me. It can’t be one sided-“

“It’s not going to be one sided, I just don’t want to talk about that.”

“Okay.” You sigh, settling back down next to him. You couldn’t help but feel a little bit disappointed. You knew that Ben kept his cards close to his chest, but you wanted him to be open with you about things like that.

The silence grows between you filled with unspoken things.

“They wanted to see if I could die, if they could make me fucking normal again.” Ben mutters into the top of your head. And then he tells you, tells you what happened that day in Nicaragua, tells you about the testing, about the nuclear bomb they put into his chest, about every single thing they did to him over the past forty years. With each revelation of the last forty years your arms tighten around his body in a hug, holding him to you while his words make anger surge in your chest like an uncontrollable fire.

How could they do that to him? How could they hurt him like that? And Payback? They were our teammates. How could they turn their back on Ben like that? Give him up so easily and not for any kind of money?

You think about what Countess confessed to you, when she said that she purposely drove you two apart.

They were right to. If they had tried any of that with me there, I would have ripped them all apart if they tried to take Ben away.

Your fingers fall into Ben’s hair, gently dragging back and forth at the base of his skull while he continues, trying to bring him some comfort.

“Ben I’m so sorry.” You say when he finishes.

“It’s okay-“

“It’s not. Nothing they did to you is okay.”

“I deserved it.”

His words make an ice cold chill travel down your spine. It was the second time that he had said something like that tonight.

“Ben.”

You lean back from him to look him in the eye, but he won’t meet your gaze. Your hands cup his cheeks, his scruff prickling against your palms as you bring his attention to you. He looks lost and it scares you. Ben never did that. He was always together, it was you that usually had that haunting look in your eyes, but you could see what they did to him reflected in the familiar green. He looked worn.

“You didn’t deserve what they did to you. No one deserves that. And yeah maybe you said some shit you shouldn’t have and maybe you did something bad, but I never want to hear you say that again. Do you understand me? Never say that again. You didn’t deserve that. And I promise you that you’re never going back. I will not let them take you again.”

Ben nods once and your hands slip from his cheeks to go around his neck once more to pull him into a tight hug.

“I didn’t mean to hurt those people.” He mutters into the top of your head remembering what happened in Mid-town.

You had heard about it through Rosemary, who had several patients who had been hurt in the explosion, not to mention every news station seemed to have it on 24/7.

“I know. It’s okay. You just lost control. It happens to all of us.” You think about killing Countess. “It doesn’t make you a bad guy.”

“Hmm.”

It was weird for Ben to allow this, to allow you to hold him, but somewhere deep down you wondered if he always wanted you to, but he just never said and didn’t want to admit it out loud.

Weirder still was that he was holding you to him too, curling his arms around you and pulling you into his chest like you belonged there. And despite everything that happened, despite how angry you wanted to be, being here with him felt like you were coming home.

“You should sleep.” He whispers after a little while, as his hand trails down your spine, moving up and down in a soothing motion.

“Will you be here when I wake up?”

“If you want me to be.”

“I wasn’t lying when I said I always want you here.” You breathe into his skin. “I lied when I said I never wanted to see you again.”

“Then I will be.” He presses a kiss to the top of your head that makes you cuddle further into him, tightening your arms were they wrap around his neck to pull him into you.

And you hope that one day it won't hurt, that one day you won't hear the words he yelled at you, and that one day you can believe and trust him again like you did.

******************************************************

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wandanatsthings · 7 months

Text

𝐒𝐭𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐝

Hey guys so this post might contradict my last but this is something I struggled with and thought others might be able to relate So I thought i'd share. Hope you enjoy it, feedback is always welcomed. New writer.

(P.s Im dyslexic i'm trying my best)

Word count: 2.7k

Warnings: Mentions of body type/weight (not specific #), not eating, speaks of being ambushed but does not go into detail. Working out, angst and fluff. Missing S/O. Cursing. Panic attack maybe?/ breaking down sobbing. Stress. I think that’s it. Please let me know if I miss anything :)

Summary: Reader stressed out and doesn’t have an appetite while Wanda and Natasha are away on a mission.

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Y/n Pov

You had just gotten home from a long day at work where nothing had gone your way. It started with the mission reports that you swore you had completed going missing. You had torn almost your whole office apart looking for them. You just could not find them. You had finally accepted the fact that your work day would be spent redoing mission reports. When you got word that you would be sent on a mission to receive some data from Hydra that SHIELD needed. You usually didn’t complain about going on missions but with the mission reports that needed to be redone on top of the report you were going to have to write for this mission to say you were dreading it would be the least, but you packed up, got on your suit and went outside to the landing pad where the quin-jet was right there waiting for you.

When you got there you were able to get the files you needed. The problem only came when you were trying to leave. The heater sensor on your suit detected hydra agents right where you needed to go to get to the jet and by your heat sensor flashing red like crazy you could tell that there were a lot of them. You took a deep breath and started to walk towards them. The closer you got you could count that it was a total of 10 of them. “I can do this,” you said to yourself. The agent closest to you was to the right with his back turned so he couldn’t see you. You decided that now would be a good time to try out your girlfriend's widow bites that she had given you weeks prior. You threw one out towards him and watched it take effect.

That went well you thought but as you went to do the same to the other agents that had their backs to you, You had been spotted. They all came running towards you, some with their weapons drawn, others ready to avenge you with their fist. Luckily after a long gruesome fight, you were able to get back to the jet with all the information Furry needed. You had some scrapes and bruises but honestly, you didn't care. All you wanted to do was get back to Nat and Wanda. After the long shitty day you had, you decided that the mission reports could wait until a later date. When you got back to the Avengers compound furry was already waiting for you at the landing pad with his hand out for the flash drive that contains all the information SHIELD required.

“Do you have the file and what the hell happened to you?” furry said with a curious look on his face. “Yes I have the files and to answer your question I was ambushed.” You said anxiously to get back to your living corridors to shower and finally be with your girlfriends. “Well are you okay?” he asked. Now furry wasn't the type to show his emotions but you had become his daughter much like Natasha so it didn’t surprise you when he voiced his concerns. “Yes I'm fine, just a couple of scrapes and bruises, nothing I can’t handle.” you reassured him. “Okay well, if it becomes anything more go see Dr. Banner and thank you.” With that, he walked away to go wherever furry goes and you headed to your floor where you hoped your lovers would be waiting for you.

When you got there though you were surprised to hear that the house was fully quiet. Are they home? You wondered. To answer your question, you walked farther into the kitchen and you saw a note on the counter. You grab the note, open it and what you read makes your heart sink. “Hi Detka, we're sorry we are not there to welcome you home. We got called on a short mission and should be back by the end of tonight to have dinner with you. Also, I (Wanda) made your favorite for lunch. It's in the fridge, heat it when you're ready. Xoxo Wands & Natty.” You put the note back down on the counter with a sigh. You understood how random missions could be. I mean you just went on an unexpected one yourself but you really wanted your girlfriends to hold you after the crappy day you had and they weren't here. Now you know that's not their fault but you couldn't help but feel just a little disappointed. You walked to the fridge to get the lunch your sweet witch had made for you and when you pulled it out you saw yet another note sitting on top of the cling wrap plate. You took the note off the plate and put it into the microwave so it could heat while you read the note. “Hi Detka, I hope you got our first note again we're sorry but I made your favorite. We love you!” You smiled at that. You love that they took the time to leave you notes. To you, it showed how much of a priority they thought you were.

By the time you finished reading the love-filled note, you heard the microwave beep. You got the food out, stopped by the drawer by the sink to grab yourself a spoon, and made your way to the dining room table to enjoy a meal that your wonderful girlfriend made. It made you chuckle when you thought back to how Wanda specified that it was her who made it. Both of you know that Natasha couldn’t cook to save her life. When You take the cling wrap off of the plate. Your stomach turned. It wasn’t the food. No, the food looked amazing. It was you. For some reason, you couldn’t bring yourself to eat it. Now this wasn’t new to you. Anytime you had a bad day or things felt out of your control you just wouldn’t have an appetite. It had gotten better when you met your girlfriends. They would always listen to your venting and be there when you needed them. You hadn’t had this problem in a while when they were around. But you were a 24 y/o woman. You were sure you could handle a little stress without your girlfriends coming to your rescue. So you put up the food to come back to it later. While you were waiting for your appetite to come back around you decided to go take a shower and start on all the mission reports you had to get done.

A few hours had passed and it was almost dinner time. You had gotten so caught up in doing your mission reports that you hadn’t even realized that your loves were not back yet. With that, you got up to go ask Tony where they were to see if he had any updates. On your way to Tony’s lab, you stopped at the kitchen to get a water bottle, When you opened the fridge you saw your lunch still sitting there untouched “I'm gonna eat it later.” You said to yourself. When you got to Tony's lab you saw him hunched over looking at what looked like to be floor plans, for what you had no idea but you learned early on in your time here to never ask.

“Hey Tony,” you said approaching him. He looks up from what he’s doing and acknowledges you. “Hey kid, whatcha up too?” “Nothing much, um I was wondering if you had any update on Nat and Wanda? They were supposed to be back by now.” You replied. “No, why do you guys have a hot date planned or something?” He said winking at you. “No, Tony was just wondering where they were.” You say annoyed. He laughs and says “Okay okay um maybe ask Steve? He should know.” “Okay, thank you asshole.” You say with a slight smile on your face as you walk away. “Your welcome ass-hat.” You hear him yell. Although he was a pain in your ass 90% of the time you love the red tin man. You got on the elevator to go find Steve only to realize you had no idea where he was so you asked Friday. “Hey Friday, where’s Steve?” “Steve Rogers is in the gym agent y/l/n.” they reply. “Thanks, Friday.” You say back as you push the gym floor button on the elevator. When you arrive you walk in to see him punching a punching bag. He immediately notices you. “Hey, y/l/n what can I do for you?” He says “Hey cap I was wondering if you had any update on Wanda and Natasha. They said they were going to be back by dinner time. Any idea on where they are?” He looks at you with a sad look on his face. “Yeah, I'm sorry y/n their mission turned out to be not as easy as we thought and they're gonna have to go undercover for a week. Maybe more.” When you hear this your heart drops for a second time this day. “Okay, thanks, Steve.” You say sadly. “You welcome y/n.” He says with a frown on his face knowing how hard it is for you when the 2 red heads are away. When you get back to your floor you decide to call it a night exhausted from the day you've had. As soon as your head hits the pillow you're asleep dreaming that your girlfriends are in the bed with you. While the meal in the fridge sat there waiting to be eaten.

2 weeks. 2 weeks had passed since you saw your girlfriends and since you had a full proper meal. With the stress of work and missing your lovers, you had barely eaten anything more than an apple here and there with some water. Along with that, you had been working out to try and keep your mind off of the fact you hadn’t even talked to them in 2 weeks since it was an undercover no-contact mission. So it was no surprise that that's where you were when they came home.

Wanda’s Pov

When we finally got home after 2 weeks of being undercover all we both wanted was you, food, and a shower. You being the main goal though but when we came into the house it was quiet. We called out to you but no one answered. It was rare that when we returned from the mission you didn’t come running into our arms so excited that we were home so we then decided to ask Friday where you were. “Hey Friday, where's y/n?” “Welcome home Ms. Maximoff and Ms. Romanov. Agent y/l/n is in the gym currently.” They said, “Okay thanks Friday.” I said looking towards Natasha “Let's shower and stuff and then we can go get her and have dinner together.” I say. She nods towards me and says. “Sounds like a plan.” We then make our way to our bathroom to shower.

Nats Pov

After Wands and I shower I headed into the kitchen to get some water while she put on lotion. When I went into the fridge I was surprised to see that the meal Wanda made you still sat in the fridge untouched beside the note being gone. I then looked around more in the fridge to find that nothing else had been touched either. Everything was in the same place as how we left it 2 weeks ago. I then looked around the entire kitchen to come up with the same results. So I called Wanda out here to tell her what I had found and with one look we both raced to the gym to find you. When we got there we could see you through glass, running on the treadmill but when we walked fully inside the sight we saw broke our hearts. You were thin. Like unhealthily thin. Now you weren't even overweight to begin with so with all the working out and barely eating it was enough that within 2 weeks you looked sickly. At the sound of Wanda's gasp when she saw you. You finally noticed them standing there.

Y/n Pov

I was running on the treadmill with my headphones on when I looked up and saw the women I had been longing for for the past 2 weeks. I quickly shut off the treadmill and ran towards them. When I finally reached them I just hugged them, they immediately both hugged me back but something felt off. When I looked up at their faces both of them had tears in their eyes. I let go a little and asked them “What's wrong, Is everything okay? Are you guys hurt?” I say checking over them frantically. When I'm satisfied with my check I look up to them and what comes out of Wanda’s mouth makes my stomach turn."Have you been eating?” she says shakily “What do you mean? Of course, I've been eating.” I say getting a little defensive. “No you haven't’ the meal Wanda left for you before we left is still there and nothing has been moved in the kitchen or the refrigerator. Is everything okay? Are you sick?” Natasha asks. As soon as she asks that You break down in tears. All of the stress of the weeks prior catching up with you all at once. “I'm sorry, I'm so sorry,” You say sobbing and falling to the floor. Wanda and Nat both catch you before you can reach the floor and bring you into their laps just holding you and whispering sweet nothings. When you've finally calmed down Natasha is the first one to speak. “Do you wanna tell us what's going on or would you like to talk about it later?” “No, we can talk about it now,” You say, your scratchy voice from crying.

While you're preparing yourself to tell them everything from the past weeks you feel both of them kiss your forehead and that's what gives you the strength to start talking. “Um before you guys left I had been having a rough day. My mission reports had gone missing and they were due soon and I had got sent on a mission that was supposed to be easy but then I got ambushed.” As you say that Wanda interrupts you and asks “Are you okay, did you need to go to medical?” while checking over you just like you had done minutes ago to the both of them.“I'm fine don’t worry,” You say kissing her hands you then continue. “As I was saying I was ambushed and all I wanted was you guys when I got home and you weren’t there. And don't apologize I can feel you both getting ready too. I understand unexpected missions happen and that is not your fault. When I realized you were not there I saw your first note on the counter which I love. When you leave me notes by the way but then I made my way to the fridge to get lunch. I had all intentions of eating it but when I sat down to eat it I just couldn’t.” You then go on to explain to them that when you're stressed out and when things get out of your control you lose your appetite.

After you're finished talking, Wanda begins to speak. “We are so sorry you had to go through that alone, but as long as we're your girlfriends you won’t ever again have to. Maybe we can talk to Bruce and find you some new coping skills to cope with the stress.” She says “Yeah, what do you think about that sweet girl?” Natasha asks you. You look up at them with so much love in your eyes. “I think that’s a great idea, thank you guys,” You said, giving each of them a kiss. “No problem zolotse,” Natasha says with a smile on her face. “How about we get some lunch?” says Wanda. You look up at them with a small bit of fear on your face having not eaten in 2 weeks you were scared of how your stomach would react. “Don't worry love, we’ll be right here with you.” You hear Wanda say. With that, you all start to make your way to your floor to enjoy lunch. With you thinking that no matter how stressed you got you will always have your girlfriends to make it better.

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fictionalmenmakemecry · 4 months

Text

Never getting over you- Part 2

Characters: Carmy Berzatto x Reader

Summary: Carmy seeing you that one night, brought back mountains of memories. Memories he's been trying to bury for a year. With him not being able to get you off his mind. He could only do one thing.

Warnings: Erotic memories, fluff, saliva, cursing

A/N Did not expect that big of response! Thank you guys :) I've been gone for a little bit but with the trailer coming out and the new season this month, I got inspired again.

Part 1

Enjoy!

He couldn't get you off his mind. So many questions raced through his head.

"Cousin!" Richie snapped, bringing Carmy back to reality.

Carmy looked cluelessly at him not remembering what Richie was nagging him for.

"What?!"

"Jesus Christ, am I talkin' to a wall?" Richie exclaimed glancing over at Sydney.

"The people at table 7... The- the fuckin' shellfish allergy. They're paranoid, they want rea-"

"Reassurance, yeah-yeah... I'm a little busy 'ere, can't you do your job?" Carmy went from station to station looking over everything that was firing

" Yo- you don't think I've tried?" Richie followed raising his arms.

"Fine! fine, I'll go..." Carmy yelled

Another night past of pernickety customers. Carmy was finally glad to close and lock his door and take a deep breath in his apartment.

He leaned against it for a few moments, finally taking in the silence of his surroundings and to be left with his thoughts on what the fuck actually happened tonight.

He kicked off his shoes and as if he was on autopilot, made his way to the bathroom, starting up the shower.

His mind never lifting from seeing you across the street. He couldn't believe it at first. With the lack of sleep he has been dealing with lately, he honestly thought he was losing his mind for a second.

Was something wrong?

Were you in trouble some way?

The way things ended between both you and the nasty words that hung in the air ever since. He really did think he wouldn't see you again.

His mind flashed back to seeing your cheeks red and raw with tears staining them. It was hours of fighting, he didn't know what time it was, but with the sound of the birds outside, most likely early morning.

"If you want to go..." Your words broke off, wiping your nose with a disintegrating tissue.

"Just fuckin' go" Your voice turned sour.

He stood leaning against the back of the couch. The only piece of furniture between the both of you.

He knew that if he left your apartment, he wasn't going to come back. He couldn't deal with this right now. The Bear was at a point of maybe not happening.

But you didn't know that. He didn't tell you that because he knew you would blame yourself. He could barely hold himself together.

With his head hanging low, he took one deep breath before bringing his eyes to yours. He took in your beautiful sorrowful eyes one more time.

"Fine... I'll go" He uttered weakly.

As he grabbed his keys and phone off the kitchen counter, a streak of panic ran through your veins.

Was this it?

Was this the final straw?

The last fight?

"Wait-" You spoke up

But he didn't wait, he continued to put on his shoes.

"Carmy plea-" You rushed over to him, grasping his shoulder and pulling him back.

He shrugged your hand off.

"Carmy, baby.. I don't want- please" Tears started rolling down your face as you came to the realization.

He glanced at you one more time as he made his way out the door, and closed it behind him.

You stood there, utterly lost and exhausted. The sinking feeling in your stomach only getting deeper and deeper.

Carmy did what he needed to do and poured himself into his work. He didn't give himself one minute of free time to let his mind drift onto you. He didn't want to feel the pain in his chest. He just needed to keep himself focused and busy until the pain was buried deep enough that he didn't have to deal with it.

But the sight of you tonight made him vulnerable. The dump truck of emotions that he felt shook him completely.

Days went by, and time went slow. Even in the hectic kitchen, service seemed to be a struggle for Carmy. Simple things that he was usually on top of were slipping through his fingers. He couldn't fuck up, after all the shit he has gone through to get The Bear up and running.

Before he knew it, he was outside your door. He thought that maybe he would have backed out on the way there....

Or outside the building...

Or maybe up the stairs...

But here he was, on 1am on a Tuesday.

"Fuck it" He mumbled, biting down on his lip in annoyance and pausing a moment before knocking on your door.

With an unexpected knock, you snapped your head to the door. You looked at your phone to see it was past midnight.

Curiosity got the best of you, made your way to the door and looked through the peephole.

Your eyes widened to see Carmy on the other side. Your stomach dropped and your mind went blank.

A moment went by and without thinking, you opened the door.

Your eyes landed on his tired ones.

"Carmy.." A word you haven't spoke out loud in months. Your were taken completely off guard and your voice showed that with it's softness.

"I-i" He stuttered looking down, his hand stuffed his wool jacket.

"I thought I would che- fuck.."

You could sense the nervousness off of him, with his tumbling of words.

He looked through his eyelids, with his head hanging low.

"Do you want to come in?" You moved aside giving him room to make his way.

Without another word spoken, he walked past you and the oh so familiar smell of cigarettes, gum and just Carmy filled the air around you.

As much you wanted to convince yourself that it didn't.... It made you crumble inside.

You closed and locked the door, turning around to find his eyes on you.

You looked down and realized that you still were wearing one of his white shirts as pjs. Your stare was back on him, a small playful smile was on his face. A smile he was trying to hide.

The last time he saw you in that shirt, you were bent over on his mattress with it riding up your back with every thrust. The memory made his jeans tighter. He noticed how your hard nipples would peek through, making it incredibly difficult to drag his eyes away from them.

He knew you noticed because you crossed your arms immediately and sucked in your lips trying to hide the blush that was appearing on your cheeks.

A million thoughts were running through Carmy's mind. But to find you in his shirt, short circuited something in his brain. He couldn't get past seeing your face contorted in pleasure or the little whimpers that escaped your mouth.

With your eyes back on the ground, you watched as he slowly walked closer to you until you could feel his body radiate heat onto your arms.

Your eyes followed his fingers as they gently brushed up your arms and over your shoulder. They slowly made their way to the bottom of your chin, bringing your face up to his. Where his eyes were already on yours.

"Carm-"

"Do you want me to stop?" He whispered, his warm breath hitting your lips.

His blue, soft eyes slowly got tainted by something darker.

You shook your head subtly feeling his callous fingertips brush your lips.

Nothing could have stopped you from giving in to him. The very drug that you've been withdrawn from for a year. All you wanted to do right now was overdose.

Without any hesitation from either of you, your lips crashed together.

You felt his hungry with the kiss immediately becoming desperate. He brought his hand up and wrapped it around your neck. The sensation you missed so much. With both of your mouths wanting to taste as much as possible, the kiss turned wetter. You could taste the stale nicotine on his tongue. You felt him lean into you more and more until you caught yourself up against the door.

You felt him pull away for a brief moment, only to be able to catch your breath. His hand still on your throat. His blown out pupils searching yours. His fingers still wrapped around your neck, he brought his thumb up to your lips.

You knew exactly what he wanted. Without hesitation, you opened up obediently, letting his thumb brush up against your eager tongue. He clenched his jaw feeling you gently starting to suck his thumb. It only reminded him of how much he loved your mouth.

Your innocent eyes. swollen lips and wet saliva bringing him to the edge of falling apart.

"Fuck- I've missed you"

#fanfic #fluff #smut #fanfiction #love #carmy berzatto #carmy the bear #the bear #carmy x reader #chicago #carmen x reader #carmen berzatto x reader #carmy smut #carmen berzatto fluff #carmen berzatto smut #carmen 'carmy' berzatto #the bear hulu #the bear fic

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cyberkinks · 9 months

Text

𝐇𝐎𝐋𝐈𝐃𝐀𝐘 𝐒𝐔𝐑𝐏𝐈𝐒𝐄 ︙ 𝐊𝐈𝐌 𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐘𝐔 {KINKMAS}・♡

⤷︎︎ 𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐥𝐮𝐝𝐞𝐬, wom!reader, fiancé!mingyu. surprises, him being the kind man he is, him meeting your family and friends, you two being lovebirds throughout this, kissing, sexual interactions, multiple sex scenes, your mom scolding you. ✨

⤷︎︎ 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬, use of foul language, use of pet names (maybe), misspellings (maybe. english isn’t my first language). 🎄

⤷︎︎ 𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞, smut, fluff, CEO au. ⛄️

⤷︎︎ 𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲, christmas. a wonderful time of the year that you share with your precious family and in this case, your fiancé. you honestly felt as if mingyu forgot about the week you two were supposed to visit your family in LA but little did you know. ❄️

⤷︎︎ 𝐝𝐢𝐬𝐜𝐥𝐚𝐢𝐦𝐞𝐫!, this is for entertainment purposes only! 🌨️

𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞: ❛Hello, loves. I know it's been a while but I'm back with a longer imagine this time. hope you all enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it for all of you. I still have more things in the works so look out for it! love you all, merry chrismas (if u celebrate), and happy new year! muwah! (I'll try to post for new years as well!) ♡ ❜ ☃️

𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐨𝐟𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝: no, unedited.

It was kinda expected and you were torn apart but you kept a smile on your face around your family since you didn’t want them to know.

mingyu promised to come with you to LA to visit your parents since he’s never met them and as always, his schedule said otherwise and he was 'disappointed' also. you had left days before chrismas since it was gonna be a long flight plus you needed to help out your mom.

you looked around as your family mingled and talked amongst each other but you kept your life private which means it would’ve been an even bigger surprise since they didn’t even know you’d thought about dating. you were the most career focused person they knew.

you sat there trying to maintain a happy face but it eventually failed and your face turned sad at the thought of Mmngyu not being able to come.

your mom noticed and came over and sat down by you. “everything alright?” she asked with a look of concern and you nodded immediately, covering up your true feelings. “yeah, I’m fine.” you reassured her and flashed her a small smile.

she looks at you and chuckles. “y/n, I can tell when you’re not fine.” caught. she caught you in your “I’m okay” act and you sigh deeply. “it’s just….someone was supposed to come but…” you didn’t know how to finish off your sentence without ruining the surprise. “the person couldn’t make it.” you look down at your coffee mug before taking a sip.

“and why not?” she asks “they’re just…busy busy.” you replied trying your best not to spoil anything. “I see and this person is making you this upset? must be important.” you raise an eyebrow at her words, wondering if she knew already.

she winks at you before walking off and you shake your head, trying to clear your thoughts and have a good time but it was hard with mingyu being on your mind so you pick up your phone from the table and sent him a quick “I miss you” message then sat your phone face down back on the table.

soon, the doorbell rings throughout the house and you look over and see your mom going to answer it. you think nothing of who it might be until you hear that familiar voice and you stand up and walk into the living room from the dining room only to see mingyu standing there with his bags in his hands. “Sorry I’m late.” he says softly before kissing your forehead as you stand there in shock “the traffic was terrible” he continued. “I thought you said you were handing things today.” I ask him with a confusing frown.

he smiles down at you. “I wanted to surprise you, love. I took a few days off.” a smile appears on your face and you lean in and kissed his lips softly. “this is one hell of a surprise.” you say with a smile before looking back and seeing most of your family standing there. “oh sorry, uh mingyu this is my mom, (F/N). mom, this is my fiancé, mingyu” you stand aside watching as they greet each other.

soon after, you introduce him to your dad, (F/N) then the rest of your family as you hold onto his arm.

After introducing him, you two sat down on the sofa looking around. you look over at him. “I honestly thought you forgot.” you spoke softly and he chuckled softly at your words. “I know but I would never, i know how important this was for you.” said mingyu with a soft smile across his lips and you smiled back before pecking his lips “well, I’m glad.” you grabbed his hand, intertwining your fingers with his and he kisses your temple.

you couldn’t have been more happier in this moment. surrounded by your fiancé, friends, and family. being together with him on your favorite holiday was all you needed for christmas.

・・・ 𝐀 𝐅𝐄𝐖 𝐇𝐎𝐔𝐑𝐒 𝐋𝐀𝐓𝐄𝐑, it was now 11 PM and everyone went to bed early and it was just you and mingyu awake in the guest bedroom.

you were relaxed and laid back against the headboard, watching TV in your nightgown, rubbing your legs against the silk sheets trying to get comfortable as you waited for mingyu to finish up showering.

you couldn’t sleep without him being next to you. you were slightly clingy.

when you hear the water turning off, a smile forms on your lips but what happens next is something you didn’t expect. you looked up and saw him with a towel around his waist as water dripped down from his body and his hair, running down his abs and his neck.

you closed your legs at the sight before looking away not being able to handle the view and a light laugh came from his lips. “can’t handle what you see?” he says in a low whisper and you chuckle before looking back over at him. “of course I can, I just…it’s different.” you clear your throat before facing the tv again, trying to get your mind off what your eyes just saw.

“different? how so, love?” mingy says in a seductive tone before drying the water from his body and you take a deep breath. “I’m not sure what I meant by that either.” you say pulling the covers down a little, trying to show him what you were wearing and he raises an eyebrow. “now? In your parent's house?” he says as he climbs onto the bed, hovering over you. “such a bad girl, aren’t you?” he moves closer, positioning himself between your legs.

you bite your lips at his words before nodding as your hands rest on his shoulders now, feeling his cock resting against your thigh as he leans in closer, moving his head down to your neck and placing soft kisses and leaving love marks behind. “wanting me to fuck you right now..” he whispers against your skin, sending shivers down your spine.

your body was heating up at this point. your underwear were now soaked in your own juices. his hands grabs onto your hips, pulling you closer towards his own body.

“please, mingyu.” you breathe out, rubbing on his shoulders and biting down on your bottom lip after.

“please what, sweetheart?” his lips trails down to your collarbone, kissing on it softly while his hands slide up your gown tugging at the hem of your underwear.

you felt as if you were slowly losing control at the way he was teasing you. his thumbs trace circles on your hips, trying to contain himself since there were other people here.

“Mmmph, i need you.” a soft whine escapes your lips. a soft smirk appeared across his lips. “do you now?” he said in a low and husky manner before moving back and slowly pulling your underwear off. he smiled at how wet you already were for him and threw your underwear on the floor.

with his two fingers, he spreads your wetness around your clit then carefully dips his fingers inside of you making a sharp gasp leave your lips.

mingyu slowly thrusts them into you, prepping you for him as he bites down on his bottom lip. he loved listening to the sounds you made and knowing it was him that could only make you feel this way excited him more. he watch as you squirm underneath him “b-babe.” you moan softly, wanting to squeeze your thighs together but he stops you before leaning down between your legs and wraps his lips around your clit sucking on it gently and you quickly cover your mouth to prevent yourself from waking everyone up.

you look down watching as he pleasures you. he grabs ahold of your thighs, pulling you closer. he begins to devour you as if it were his last meal.

he moans softly against your folds, diving deeper as he continues to hold you in place. his tongue laps at your clit over and over again. he loved the way you taste on his tongue. you tried your best to suppress your moans, trying your best to keep quiet but he was visibly making that hard.

your thighs begin to shake while your hole starts to pulse. you felt your orgasm approaching just by him using his tongue. you were almost there but he quickly moved his mouth from your folds.

his chin and lips were covered in your juices. he licked it all off his lips before leaning down to kiss yours softly, letting you taste yourself as he lines himself up with your aching hole. “ready, my love?” he whispers against your lips and you nod quickly, your eyes were full of lust along with his.

he carefully slid himself inside of you, grunting instantly at how wet you were meanwhile you covered your mouth once again, trying your best not to moan loudly as he stretched you out.

“Oh god..” You gasp, gripping his shoulders for dear life. “I could cum like this..” he groans pushing his cock further into you, filling you up to the brim.

his forehead rests against yours as he slowly thrusts into you, letting you get used to his size while waiting for your cue.

after a few more slow thrusts, you nod for him to speed up his pace and he does at that moment. he grabs your legs, pinning them down on both sides of your torso.

your head went back, moaning softly into the air as you grabbed onto his shoulders tightly. “m-mingyu!” a whimper left your lips.

“you’re so fucking tight, sweetheart.” he moans, leaning in closer. the bed creaks at how fast he is going as the headboard thuds against the wall.

you knew by now that your parents knew what was going on since the guest room was next to theirs and you cursed inside your head knowing your mom was going to scold you about it today. you began to scratch at his back, moaning a little louder and he shushed you with his lips, grunting into the kiss as his pace quickened.

"you're so fucking deep!" you mewl, looking down and watching as he pumps into you with sharp and quick thrusts.

his hands grab onto your hips tighter. "(Y/N).." he grunts, throwing his head back this time. you could feel your orgasm building up and the pressure was becoming too much and it wasn't long until it finally broke loose and flooded all over his cock. you gripped onto his back tightly as your orgasms hit you like a freight train. your walls tightened up squeezing him tighter.

“fuck, (Y/N)…” he muttered through the kiss, releasing his thick ropes of cum into you and you panted heavily as he let go of your legs.

once your breathing settles down he kisses your sweaty forehead softly, his heart beating out of his chest as he holds you close. “I love you so much." he whispers “I love you, too, mingyu.” you smile, holding him tightly. after everything was settled, you both lay down in silence, listening to each other's heartbeat.

"my moms gonna absolutely scold me." you mumble softly before drifting off to sleep and he chuckles at your words before kissing your forehead one last time before falling asleep as well.

・・・ 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐍𝐄𝐗𝐓 𝐌𝐎𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆, you wake up in Mingyu’s arms, laying on top of him and cuddling closer to him. his arm wrapped around your stomach and you snuggle into him, your face nuzzling against his bare chest and you hum softly under your breath. “good morning.” he says in his raspy morning voice before kissing the top of your head causing you to giggle quietly. you lift your head slightly, staring into his dark brown eyes. you watch as they scan over you and your face immediately heats up. “morning.” you say smiling widely at him before giving him a soft kiss.

"Enjoyed last night?" he smirks, caressing your cheek as he gazes into your eyes and you nod "I always enjoy anything with you." you tug down on your bottom lip, pulling him closer. "I'm glad." he hums, climbing on top of you and kissing your lips softly. his lips move down to your neck, leaving soft kisses behind. "Mm, mingyu we can't. I have to help my mom prepare and the kiddos are opening their presents now." you hum, wanting him to continue despite that. “even though we’re missing it.”

"We'll be quick.." He says rubbing his now hard-on against you and you chuckle. "promise?" you open your legs a little wider, letting him between them. he nods before kissing your neck again, running his hand up and down your inner thigh, making you bite your lower lip and arch your back. he pulls away, lifting himself a bit before he slips his cock inside of you and you gasp, wrapping your legs around his waist as your back arches upward.

He moves his hips slowly as he looks into your eyes, watching your facial expressions before burying his head into your neck, nibbling on your earlobe while pumping his hips harder and faster, his teeth scraping lightly. you start moaning softly again which causes him to grow even harder at seeing your reactions. “fuck..” he groaned, grabbing ahold of your hips and slamming himself into you. “yes…” you whisper into his ear, gripping his shoulders tightly. he lets out a guttural growl, his hips pounding against yours with every movement of his body and soon you start feeling waves of pleasure washing over you, your moans getting louder and he quickly kisses your lips to shush you.

He picks up the pace once more and you clutch on his shoulders, your nails digging in, as he comes into you hard. you both collapse back onto his bed, exhausted from the intense sex. Mingyu rolls over on his side, hugging you close to him while you wrap your arm around his waist. "Nothing like morning sex, huh?" I mumble as I snuggle closer. he chuckled and kisses the top of your head before replying "not at all."

Mingyu pecks your lips before removing himself from the bed. he walked into the bedroom and grabbed a clean rag and wets it up. after he squeezed the unneeded water out of it, he walked back into the bedroom and saw that you were trying to sleep and he quickly woke you up. “no no, we have things to do.” he says as he pulls you towards the edge of the bed and cleaned you up.

After you two were all ready and fully showered and cleaned, you walked down the steps and your mom instantly looked at you two. you gave mingyu a kiss on the cheek before walking into the kitchen and you looked up at your mom who was preparing the food alongside my dad. I raise an eyebrow “what is is it, mom?” I ask her with a confusing frown.

she chuckles. “you know, I couldn’t keep my hands off your dad either but… there are children here.” she says quietly and you gulp. “first of all, ew I don’t think I needed to know that and I know, we were just caught in the moment and it’s been days since I’ve seen him since I was here half of week but I do apologize.”

“Thank you, now I need help with this.” Your mom says and you grab the cake and carefully carrys it into the dining room and places it down on the table with everything else.

After everything was prepared and ready, you all began to eat after a prayer. you sat down beside mingyu and instantly smiled at him.

“My mom scolded me as I told you.” he chuckled at your words “I know, she scolded me too, didn’t expect it if I'm being honest.” you giggle at his words before starting to eat your food little by little as your family talked in the background.

I took a deep breath. “this is the best christmas ever, mostly because i have everyone to share it with.” you smile softly at him. “I’m glad, because…this is my favorite christmas ever.” he said looking over at you and you smiled. “I love you.”

“i love you too.”

𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟑 © 𝐚𝐭𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐰𝐡𝐨𝐫𝐞.

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jayujus · 7 months

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rent a boyfriend! - chapter 4

— 04 cocktail party!!!

written ~ 1.0k + smau

heeseung adjusts his tux, sweat building at his nape from nervousness. who would have thought that he'd be taking a girl out that he met from a sketchy site?

he rings her doorbell, unsure if the flowers are too extra or not.

a few seconds later, y/n opens the door, flashing a bright smile at him. honestly, she's surprised he is actually real herself even if she did not really question it. he is a fine man, especially in the suit he is wearing right now and in person. a small smile forms on his face as he hands her a bouquet of dahlias and roses. y/n's smile grows even bigger as she grabs the bouquet from him, pulling him into a hug as she steps outside her apartment.

"this dress is so pretty on you." he whispers in her ear as she links her arm with his, as if they've been a couple for so long. "you look good too."

exiting the luxurious apartment building, y/n is met with heeseung's NOT white van. his car was fairly nice, a black bmw. "you didn't bring a white van?" heeseung raises his eyebrows as he opens the door for her. "did you want me to?" y/n doesn't say anything, putting on her seatbelt. "this is a nice car." heeseung hums, "i got it as a gift by my brother," y/n nods, giving him the directions to the building.

once they arrived in the building's huge parking lot, y/n tells him some reminders. "my parents are going to want to meet you right away, just be normal. please," heeseung hums. "don't worry!"

he helps y/n step out of the car, "should i leave the flowers in the car...?" heeseung shrugs, "are you going to come and get it later?" y/n thinks for a few seconds, "actually, i was wondering if you'd be able to drop me off tonight. you don't have to! just wondering." she asks nervously, which makes heeseung blush. "i'll drop you, no worries."

immediately when y/n enters the building with heeseung by her side, she hears her mother rushing excitedly to her, some of her drink spills on the way. "oh my god! y/n! is this the boy you were talking about?" y/n hums, "this is heeseung." her mom flashes a big smile at him, "hi heeseung, we should talk a little bit. i will go find your dad, y/n." y/n sucks in her breath, mouthing a 'sorry' to heeseung before her mom walks away.

about two minutes later, y/n's mom comes back with her dad, who greets heeseung. "you are a very handsome man, surprisingly. my y/n has never had a boyfriend before, so i was worried who'd she bring." y/n covers her face in embarrassment, hinting at her parents to stop talking. "what do you do? what do your parents do?" heeseung purses his lips at the bombarded questions. "i study law. my parents run a family restaur-" y/n elbows heeseung, "his parents are doctors." y/n's parents smile, "wow! that's really cool, y/n, you did a good job finding him." y/n smiles awkwardly, dragging heeseung away a few seconds later.

heeseung furrows his eyebrows when y/n told a lie.

heeseung ended up meeting a lot of y/n loved ones tonight. he first met her parents— which was awkward, her friend group, her aunts and uncles, and her sister.

when heeseung excuses himself to the restroom, her sister, jinah, asks, "where did you meet him, y/n?" y/n quickly comes up with another lie. she won't have to see heeseung again after tonight, right? it won't matter. she'll send him the money and they won't talk again. "we met at the mall! yeah! he offered to pay for my stuff so it just went from there...." she smiles awkwardly and jinah knows she's lying. she can tell but she doesn't say anything about it right now. the last thing she wants her baby sister dealing with is more stress than their parents already give her.

when heeseung comes back, jinah excuses herself and the two just hang out by the food, munching on some of the chocolate covered-strawberries while talking about whatever.

"i honestly thought you weren't real, my friends kept saying so. your hair color kept changing in every picture." heeseung chuckles. "my friend sunghoon dyes my hair for me," y/n hums. "i like this color on you." he blushes, jokingly flirting with her back.

"do you want to dance?" heeseung nods and y/n grabs his hand, pulling him with her to the dance floor.

the party ended and it was around 1:30 am. y/n was hugging her friends goodbye before being left with just her sister, parents, and heeseung. "heeseung, it was good to meet you. you seem like a nice man and you make my daughter happy, thank you." heeseung smiles at her mom and dad, bowing at them.

he also bows to y/n's sister, "get her home safely." y/n's dad says, to which heeseung nods. "don't worry, mr. jeon. i will."

heeseung considers placing a hand around her waist. he really thought she was the prettiest girl ever but this was only for one night, that would be too awkward.

"thank you for doing this for me, actually. i'll send you the money when i get home." heeseung purses his lips, "you don't need to send me the money, it's fine." y/n raises an eyebrow as she enters his car. "what? no, i'm paying you." heeseung protests but there is no point because y/n continues arguing back.

"i rented you for one night, so i have to pay you." heeseung doesn't say anything else but mumbling an 'okay.'

"you make a pretty good boyfriend, to be honest. do you have any girl you're interested in?" heeseung hesitantly shakes his head. "what about you?" y/n shrugs. "beomgyu's cute but he doesn't like me."

"the atrocious man you posted?" he jokes and y/n jokingly slaps his arm. "be nice!"

"he fumbled, seriously he fumbled." y/n blushes and turns to face the window, "tell me about it."

a few minutes later, they arrive at her apartment building. "want me to walk you in?"

"you don't have to," heeseung asks again and y/n says the same thing, so he just helps her out of the car and she gives him a quick hug. he hands her the flowers he got for her. "goodnight heeseung." she smiles, "goodnight."

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KAIA'S NOTE sorryy this isn't proofread and i'm not the most confident in my writing skills 😣 also if im unable to tag you anymore i wont be able to keep you on the taglist 💔💔

TAGLIST (CLOSED) @leep0ems @yyawnjun @saursoob @heerinnie @wvnkoi @heeslut4life @sunghoonnsupremacy @ramenoil @chxrlvspp @wonniestars @beommii @kwiwin @dimplewonie @eleanorheartschishiya @sunkislove @jaeyunluvr @txtlyn @aishigrey @simjyunnie @oldjws @baevsxii @sumzysworld @iamliacamila @yvrikoo @hotsforikeu @w3bqrl @jiaant11 @caryssoverhere @boutyouwonu @aespaslut @nishislcve @neocockthotology @erehkinnie30 @icepshrince @26796i @defnotfertilizedtoesw @kissezfornamjoon @ghostiiess @lprww @stilesks @k1ttylvr @rantiii @rikizm @kgneptun @jjunae @aerivrs @bomi-ja @dani-is-tired @ttylxox2 @i-yeseo

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wands-natsthing · 8 days

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Stressed

This story was on my old acct @wandanatsthings I made a new one (aka this one) which will be the acct I use from now on.

Hey, guys so this post might contradict my last but this is something I struggled with and thought others might be able to relate So I thought i'd share. Hope you enjoy it, feedback is always welcomed. New writer.

(P.s Im dyslexic i'm trying my best)

Word count: 2.7k

Summary: Reader stressed out and doesn’t have an appetite while Wanda and Natasha are away on a mission.

Y/n Pov

Wanda’s Pov

Nats Pov

Y/n Pov

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Feedback welcomed and very much appreciated!!

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nvoirs · 1 year

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Plagas Leon | Pt 2

The long awaited part 2 is here. There's no smut just a hot, heavy make out session during the end. Credits to @certifieddeadgirl for the lovely plot.

Part 1 is here

Taglist: @certifieddeadgirl @peachyealfie @honeysoakedbandages (The people that wanted a part 2 here you go)

After Leon had stuck that incredibly long needle in your neck knocking you out almost instantly you thought you'd never wake up.

So when your eyelids slowly peeled apart you were incredibly confused when you saw light. It was just an ordinary light, an LED one to be specific, but you felt at peace. Was this heaven? Had you actually made it to the ethereal place? You weren't particularly religious but that was about to change if you were really in heaven.

Your thoughts were halted when you heard a soft voice call your name, your hand felt a warmth as another was clasped onto it. Looking down at the hand, you craned your head up to match the face. Ingrid? Ingrid Hunnigan? What was she doing here in heaven, she definitely didn't die, she wasn't physically on the mission you had ventured on with Leon. Leon, where was he?

But that's when it hit you, sitting up slowly observing your close surroundings. A hospital? The air smells like Lemon disinfectant and you looked down at your green attire of scrubs. The tubes attached to your body made your eyes go wide, your heart rate shown on the monitor increasing. You clutched at one of the tubes, ready to rip it off with force if you had to but Hunnigan's hand stopped you.

“Don't.” She said it sternly but it also had a soft calming nature to it, which made you almost immediately relax your tense shoulders.

“Where- where am I?” You managed to squeak out, your own voice surprised you. Sounding extremely hoarse like you'd been screaming your lungs out for a whole hour.

“Your home.” She replied coolly. “Thankfully we were able to save you, Ashley- and Leon.”

“Leon? Where Is he?” You sounded demanding, but you were just scared you wanted to know he was safe.

Her light chuckles turned your demand into confusion. “You really do care for him don't you?” Her half grin threw you off a little.

“Of course I care for him, Ingrid, he's my partner.”

“But you care more than a partner, It's quite obvious.”

You stayed silent at that, changing the subject once more. “What about the plagas? Los Illuminados?”

“We were able to get you two to a secluded lab up North not far from this place.” She gestured to the hospital. “And you were cured in the nick of time, but as for the cult- they were taken down is all you need to know for now”

Hunnigan's words had struck a nerve in you. Flashes of being strapped to a chair strung through your frazzled mind. The pain. The pain hurt incredulously, it was almost mind numbing and that's all you could really remember.

“Ingrid- how long have I been here for?”

She looked at you sympathetically. “Almost a whole week.”

That had alarm bells ringing in your head, no way have you still got your job after this.

“Don't worry you're still employed if that's what you're wondering.” She really was a mind reader, but relief flooded through you once you knew that.

You were discharged before Leon was. But everyday you'd visit his room, hold his cool hand and talk about your day and what you did. You talked about what you wanted to do with him once he awoke from his slumber. You called it a slumber, but it really was a coma. Some days you couldn't help yourself but weep at the sight of his limp body wishing he would wake up sooner. Staying way past visiting hours and being dragged out by the nurses.

Leon's recovery was bound to take a lot more time than yours did. He was exposed to the parasite longer, and almost became one of those horrible nightmarish creatures that had you shuddering at the thought.

Leon had kissed you. He'd touched you so intimately. It honestly surprised you how much you remembered from that fateful night. The citrus scent of his, the softness of his hair, and you wanted to tell him you loved him so badly you'd do anything for him. Maybe he wasn't fully himself, but he'd admitted to liking you although not saying the three words verbally.

The day Leon awoke was an immediate surprise. No one was sure when exactly he would wake up, it was God's blessing you could call it. You happened to be the first one to know, gasping as his baby blue eyes blinked open. A soft groan emitted from his pink lips, and you couldn't help but hug him.

“Woah, slow down there girl I'm still sore.” Leon laughed at your enthusiasm, placing his weak arms around your frail body. You gently shook in his hold salty tears dripping down your cheeks as you sighed.

“I thought I lost you, I can't lose you I can't.” His hand began to stroke through your scraggly hair. Not even combed as you just couldn't have any motivation entering your broken body.

“You're not losing me baby, I'm right here.” Baby? The pet name made you cuddle into his chest, smelling his natural scent.

“Shh It's okay now, you don't need to cry.” Hushing you, Leon held you in his grasp.

A few days went by and Leon turned back into the Leon you had known before the catastrophe in Spain. And something had occurred that still gave you butterflies to this day.

Leon stood outside your apartment block holding a bouquet of flowers in his hands, a lopsided grin protruding on his angelic face. Rushing down the stairs and out the door to see just what this was, he stopped you from speaking.

“I've- liked you for the longest time and because of what happened in Spain I thought It was important to confess how I feel about you. I'm in love with you, and I want to be with you If you'll take me.” The ending was such a cheeky Leon move, and you punched his shoulder gently.

“Of course I'll take you, I love you. Do you know that?”

“I know that.” His forehead pressed against your own as he wrapped his muscular arms around your midriff.

After having a cute first little date with your new boyfriend, you found yourself in the back of his car. Straddling his thighs and pulling him as close as physically possible, mouths intertwined him whispering sweet nothings into your ear about what he wanted to do to you. He reminded you of the passionate night you shared back in Spain, it was traumatic but the sex- was great. Leon would never physically be that strong again, but something about him trying turned you on. The rest of the night was nothing but sweet love making with the man that you cherished, and for once you finally felt at peace a calm tranquil feeling seeping itself into your skin and bones.

#leon scott kennedy #leon kennedy #leon kennedy smut #leon kennedy x you #leon kennedy x reader #leon s kennedy #resident evil smut #residentevil4leon #re4 leon smut #re4 #re4make #leon s kennedy x reader

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fangirlingfromdownunder · 3 months

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A Sweet Mishap - Chapter 2

Pairing - Jensen Ackles x Reader

A/N: If you read my Christmas Advent stories then you may be familiar with this story already, however, I've been working hard to turn it into a longer fic/novel and as such a few things have changed (hence the reposts). I hope you enjoy! Let me know if you want me to add you to the taglist for this story.

A Sweet Mishap Masterlist | Main Masterlist

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

Once I finally finish work for the day I’m utterly exhausted. I trudge back to my tiny apartment down the road and collapse on the couch. Just as I start to finally relax the smell of chocolate, coffee and old milk causes my nose to wrinkle in disgust. I force myself to get up, shower and change into fresh clothes. As I’m not planning to move from the couch, let alone go out anywhere for the rest of the day, I just slip on an old, comfortable hoodie and sweatpants. As I go to put my dirty clothes in the hamper, I remember the coaster. It’s now a little squashed and stained, but it’s still readable.

So I take it and my phone out and then collapse on the couch again. Feeling slightly reinvigorated, I decide to text the number, just to check if it’s real or a fake he made up on the spot.

Hi, uh…I’m just realising I didn’t get your name earlier… Who is this? How did you get this number? It’s (Y/N), from Mamma Jo’s Coffee and Chocolateria. I dumped a drink all over you. I just wanted to know where I can send the money for a new shirt. Seeing as you didn’t get to drink the hot chocolate I made you. Oh, hey! If I tell you my name you have to promise to keep it to yourself Same with this number What are you, a spy or something? I can’t tell you anything until you promise Otherwise, my agent will want you to sign an NDA Alright, Mr Fancypants, I promise not to tell a soul I met you or give out this number Regardless of who you are Thank you My name is Jensen Nice to meet you, Jensen So how much was your shirt and how do you want the money? Venmo? Cash? PayPal? Direct transfer? Don’t worry about the money It’s fine But I have to do something I feel so bad I wasn’t looking either If you’re absolutely certain, I’ll leave you alone before your agent gets worried Wait So you really didn’t recognise me? Sorry to burst your ego bubble Maybe you’re just not as important as you think you are. No, it’s not about my ego I’m just used to people asking for pictures or autographs And the paparazzi It’s a nice change to meet someone who doesn’t have a preconceived idea of who I am Alright, so who are you? Other than Jensen then If you don’t mind sharing of course Or do I have to sign an NDA for that sort of insider info I’m Jensen Ackles I am an actor That flash earlier in the cafe was paparazzi So you’ll likely be on the front of a bunch of magazines as my mystery girl When that happens you will have to sign a NDA, but I’ll handle everything else You’re just best off steering clear of me Actor? Were you on that Paranormal show? Supernatural? Yeah that’s me Sorry, I haven’t seen it. Maybe an episode here and there but I’m pretty busy Don’t get much time to watch TV Honestly, I’m glad you haven’t It makes it easier to talk to you If the actor thing and potential NDA don’t bother you I would love a do-over Are you sure? I don’t want to make things complicated for you With paparazzi or your agent I’ll handle all that What are you doing tonight? I really wasn’t planning on leaving my couch But you may be able to persuade me How about I join you on that couch? Or you join me on mine? I really don’t know you Right Sorry That was too forward No, it’s ok I just think it would be better to get to know each other first Sure Of course When is your next day off? Saturday Damn, I work this weekend How about Monday evening? I’ll be on a plane by then I’m only working here for the weekend Guess it just isn’t meant to be then Maybe not now But someday Maybe someday Can I keep texting you? Sure

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

A/N: If anyone knows of a better way to showcase the text messages, I'd love to hear it. On other platforms, I use left and right alignment, but I'm unsure how else to do it here.

Taglist: @stoneyggirl2

#jensen ackles imagine #jensen ackles fic #jensen ackles x y/n #jensen ackles x reader #jensen ackles #supernatural imagine #supernatural fic

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spvencersreid · 1 year

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(Fem!reader x Spencer Reid)

~Cause all of the small things that you do, are what remind me why I fell for you.~

You never truly knew what hit you when you fell hard for a fellow agent named Spencer Reid. Maybe it was the way that he would always brighten a room whenever he walked into it or how he treated you better than any other man every had but you know one thing; you were pretty sure you were absolutely in love with him.

And that's exactly why you couldn't ever tell him so. You were terrified of rejection. You didn't exactly have the best history when it came to dating, not that it was particularly long to begin with. But you couldn't get him out of your mind so you just decided that dating any other guy wasn't your thing because you had your eyes only set on him.

Whether or not he felt the same was the most psychologically draining thing you'd ever put your self through. The constant what ifs were honestly almost too much to handle. You had worked with him for just under six months now and he was the only distraction that kept effecting your work habits and your coworkers were definitely starting to notice. Although they actually picked up on your stomach twisting crush on him well before you knew and the initial denial hit. But unlike you, Spencer was clueless and went on his days as per usual. Which if you were being completely honest was slowly killing you inside.

So you decided you could do one of two things; you could either slowly distance yourself in hopes that your feelings would magically go away, or you could somehow muster up the courage to confess to him and face the inevitable rejection that was to shortly come afterwards. But one of these two outcomes had to happen because he was like a bacteria infection taking over your brain. Whenever you would want to go to sleep you would only be able to fall asleep to yourself making up scenerios about you and him together, which in your mind would never happen because he couldn't possibly feel the same way about you.

~And when we're apart, and I'm missing you, I close my eyes and all I see is you.~

The main issue in regarding to talking to him was that you had quite literally rarely ever talked to him outside of necessarily talking to him when it came to case styles or sitting around the round table and discussing the current case. But whenever he did speak to you you could only describe it as pure ecstasy anytime he would ever speak to you or in your general direction and you would have to physically resist all urges from turning as red as a tomato. But you had to force yourself to talk to him because mentally you couldn't handle it anymore. At this point where you were he was taking over every part,every hour, every minute, every second of your day. And although you didn't mind it hurt you inside knowing that he possibly couldn't think about you the same way as you were.

As you were getting off of the bau's private jet you decided that it was now or never. It was time to tell him because after you got home you had all of the weekend to go through the five stages of grief. That would give you the time to handle the rejection he's so inevitably would give you because you could never believe that you ever going to be loved or love someone else the way that you loved him. So you grabbed your things and put them on your desk and just as you looked up he was starting to leave the office and so it took everything in you to finally say:

"Hey Dr.Reid?"

He quickly turned around surprised that you were calling after him

"[Y/N] I will kindly remind you once again that just like the rest of the team you are welcome to call me by my first name."

You slightly chuckled at his response. Savouring the final moments of sweet bliss.

"Okay.. Spencer. Can I quickly talk with you about something? I promise it won't take long."

A slight flash of worry flashed on his face which quickly faded.

"Yeah for sure, what would you like to talk about?"

"He is so nice, this is going to hurt" You thought to yourself. Then you just flat out said it.

"I need to talk to you about... us."

A look of confusion appeared on his face as his took a couple of steps towards you.

"Umm..what about us would you like to talk about? Did I do something?"

Well there was definitely no option to change the subject now so with a deep breath you took the risk.

"No, you did nothing wrong! I just wanted to let you know that I.. I have very strong feelings for you and I needed to tell you because I couldn't go on any longer without you knowing. I think about you 24/7 which is exhausting not knowing if you feel the same way. Which you probably don't, so we can just pretend that this never happened. You have a good weekend."

After saying those words aloud you sped walked past Spencer and the door as fast as your feet could take you without it looking as if you were running from him. You didn't even wait to see the expression on his face before you started walking away. You just couldn't handle the negative reaction you were honestly expecting. You were just about to push the button on the elevator when you felt a hand on your wrist lightly tug you from behind. You slowly turned around and was faced with those brown eyes you could get lost in. He was looking at you in a way you've never seen before.

"Did you mean all of that?"

"I mean yeah, why would I lie about something like that.."

"Why'd you walk away?"

"I wanted to have time to grief when you inevitably reject me, guess I just wanted a head start."

"I'm confused.."

"Why?"

"I..I never knew you felt that way about..me."

"Really? The team said that I was being pretty obvious."

"Well I am not one for picking up on romantic social cues."

You let out a light laugh. You thought to yourself why he was dragging out rejecting you.

"Well now you know, and I'm think I'm ready now."

"Ready for what?"

"You rejecting me and admitting that you in fact do not feel the same way..."

"[Y/N] I care deeply for you. And if I knew that you liked me I would of told you that I had felt the same way sooner. Although I didn't picture it like this."

What?

No way.

God I hope he's not lying.

"Wait what? You liked me? How could you ever like me?"

"I mean [Y/N] how could I not? I mean your the most interesting person on the planet. I never stop thinking about you. You always look amazing, your outfits are.. admittedly kinda distracting at times, and your smile always makes my day."

He is lightly blushing and rubbing the back of his neck. You are standing there mouth agape trying to process not getting rejected like you had so carefully planned.

"What would ever possibly make you think that I ever would reject you?"

"Well I dunno guys don't really ever like me like that, I'm sorta the funny side character kinda person. I'm just not appealing romantically."

Spencer lightly gasps at the last sentence.

"I've been head over heals for you since you first walked through these doors

[Y/N], I thought if anything I was being obvious about how I felt."

You just stand there stunned, the man you've loved for six months feel the same way. And you were not prepared for it.

"So..you feel the same way?"

"Of course I do."

"So...where exactly do we go from here?"

"Well I would love to take you out on a date, if that's okay with you."

You nodded in response.

"Nice I just have two more questions and then I should really get going, my bed is calling me."

"Okay what are your questions Spencer?"

"Will you be my girlfriend?"

You didn't even hesitate.

"Yes, I would love nothing more! And your other question?"

He's looking down at the floor, then back up at your lips, then back up into your eyes.

"Can I.. Can I kiss you?"

Without saying anything you went up to him and gently places your lips on his, feeling sweet relief. He froze slightly at first but quickly softly kisses you back.

This was it, the start of your new relationship with hopefully the love of your life. And you couldn't wait to see where it would take you.

~I fell in love with those eyes.~

______________________________________

Word count: 1,550

Ahh my first one shot in this book!

I really hope you guys like it!

Please vote and leave a comment!

And I might take requests so leave some down if you would like!

Take care,

- M

#spencer reid smut #spencer reid one shot #criminal minds smut #criminal minds fic #spencer reid fic #criminal minds x reader #criminal minds watch through #spencer reid x fem!reader #spencer reid fanfic #spvencersreid #criminal minds #Spotify

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iamthecomet · 1 year

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Comet we see scenes play through between the ghouls but can we see the buildup of a scene but at some point in it someone has to make the "mayday" call and the care following? Ghouls and content of your choice.

Safe word use, and some soft big boys (Swiss/Mountain) below the cut.

They've done this a hundred times at least. Played this through. Mountain has been here, face down, ass up, just like this more times than he can count. But for some reason, tonight, it's making his skin feel too tight. He's too deep in his head. Nowhere near subspace. His brain a constant hum of thoughts that this treatment is supposed to silence, but instead, when Swiss drags his claws up the back of Mountain's thighs--a threat for what's next--it makes Mountain feel like he's going to fall apart. He can feel too much of his body. Can hear his heart pounding in his ears. Mountain bites down on his cheek and tries to breathe. To focus. To drop. The sharp slap of Swiss' palm against his ass--and the plug buried inside of him--makes him yelp. Heat builds through his face, his throat burns. "Swiss--" "You love it," Swiss growls. And usually Mountain would nod, dumb already, but instead he shakes his head. He doesn't, not now, not like this. The false edge of Swiss' anger is making him spiral. He digs his fingers into the bed, his breath catches in his throat when he tries to calm down. Panic crawls up his throat. He doesn't know what he needs or what he wants but it's not--he can't-- "Red," he whispers then repeats himself a little louder, the word cracking in his throat. He feels a flash of worry as soon as he says it. Worry that Swiss will be disappointed in him--he's disappointed in himself. He should be able to do this for his partner, should be able to-- Swiss doesn't hesitate. He reaches for Mountain's hips and eases him onto his back so he can see his face. He kneels between Mountain's spread thighs and craddles his face in his overwarm hands. "Look at me, Mount," Swiss says. The demanding tone of his voice gone--like it was never there. Mountain blinks, directs his glassy gaze to Swiss' face. He's going to cry. "'m sorry," he mumbles. He's not aware of the tears until Swiss is wiping them away with his thumbs. "Hey, hey, Sunflower. It's ok." "Wanted to be good for you. But it doesn't--I can't--" "Stop," Swiss says firmly. "You are good for me. So good. Don't worry about that. I want to help, you have to talk to me, Mount. Please?" Mountain takes a deep breath. The panic is starting to fade. Swiss presses one of his hands over Mountain's racing heart and waits. "Don't know what the problem is," Mountain says honestly. He heaves out a breath, feels the world start to come back into focus. "It just didn't feel good. Thought it was what I wanted, but I can't right now. I'm sorry--" "No apologizing," Swiss admonishes. "There's nothing to be sorry for, Sunflower. Tell me what you need. Do you want something else instead?" Mountain looks away, digging his teeth into his cheek. He shakes his head sharply. He's done. Pleasure feels distant, impossible.

"No. Not right now." Swiss bends down and presses a kiss to the base of one of Mountain's horns. "Alright. Let's get you cleaned up then big guy." Swiss moves to pull away, to help Mountain up. No doubt to take him into the bathroom, to take the plug out with gentle hands and wipe him down, get him dressed. But Mountain catches him by the wrist before he goes too far. "In a minute." "You'll feel better after." "I know," Mountain agrees, but he holds Swiss' wrist fast. He tugs until Swiss relents and lays down next to him. Curling his broad arms around Mountain's shoulders. Allowing the earth ghoul to nuzzle his face into the hollow of Swiss' throat and breathe in the spiced smell of him. Swiss sighs, but tightens his grip. Pulls Mountain flush against him, using the breadth of his chest to envelop Mountain with ease. Mountain feels the tension drain from his shoulders. "Just a little longer," Mountain mumbles against Swiss' collarbone. Swiss kisses the top of his head. "Whenever you're ready."

#comet writes #ficlet #Swiss/Mountain #Mountain/Swiss #Mountain Ghoul #Swiss Army Ghoul #I am very much not happy with this #but here it is #Ghost fic #ghost fanfic #ghost fan fiction

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oldiesstationlover11607 · 23 days

Note

🎶Oh my God, we’re back again🎶

Well hello….it’s 💛. You said that my requests make you happy and that you don’t mind them so I have returned. By the way, if this ever changes, do not hesitate to tell me. Even if you just don’t want to write TØP anymore. I’m a fan of a lot of fandoms you appear to write for, so I’d probably be able to request other things (again, only if you don’t mind me doing so). For what it’s worth, your stories are the highlight of my day. I frequently reread them when I’m feeling down or in need of an escape.

Alright, enough with my sappiness. You know that meme of the girl explaining something to her mom and the mom is just like 😐 (google “Me explaining to my mom meme” and it should be the first pic that shows up)? I was thinking that a fun story would be Josh trying (and maybe failing) to explain TØP lore to the reader. It doesn’t have to go super in depth to things by any means. I just can imagine that such a scenario has happened before and, quite honestly, half the time I don’t even know the lore. As always, if you hate this idea, no pressure to do it. ❤️❤️

Lore - Josh Dun x Reader

Pairing: Josh x Reader

Warnings: None :)

Word Count: 1374

A/N: I love that you re-read my stuff. It makes me so happy that it’s the highlight of your day. Getting your requests is the highlight of mine, writing helps me relax at the end of the day-especially with how rough it is being in senior year (I’m in the southern hemisphere and finish school late November so exams are imminent 😭). I actually re-read some of mine quite a bit. Honestly I’m so proud of the number 16 cotton candy. The way part 2 ended made me want to cry - I believe I ATE that if I do say so myself 🙌. It makes me want to add more parts, like the reader watching Clancy perform on Good Day Dema and seeing how upset/zoned out he looks and being hurt by it, the conversations they have after reuniting, more of that series’ torchbearer bc he’s funny af, and more! Literally love this request btw bc I tried explaining the lore to my mom and she pulled the exact face in the meme.

Tyler and Josh were always on social media. It had always been a key part of their relationship with the clique, and I’d noticed it more and more when they started tagging me in memes and pictures that I didn’t know the meanings of.

“Josh?” I asked. We were sitting on the couch under a blanket in our apartment, the weather outside cold and rainy. Josh looked down at me, I’d planted myself in his lap, my head resting perfectly on his thighs while the rest of my body stretched out across the couch.

“Yeah?” I brought my phone up to his face.

“What’s a forest fic and why are the clique tagging me in memes saying you don’t exist?” His face dropped, mouth open wide in shock. “Tyler reposted something about it earlier and I don't get it.” He said nothing, the silence in the room growing with every second. “What?” I could tell he was trying to frame a way to tell me the truth, surely it wasn’t that bad.

“It’s a uh….uhhhh, like a fan fiction. And like….uhhh… I’m like not real in it… like a figment of Tyler’s imagination. Uhh and then a treehouse burns down THE END,” he mumbled, stumbling through the words and giving the worst plot description I’d ever heard. I was still confused. “That’s all you will EVER need to know… no need to look it up or mention it ever again.” He flashed me a quick smile before going back to his phone. I sat there for a few moments trying to understand his words before continuing.

“But how is that relevant to whatever Tyler posted this morning?”

He let out a loud sigh, telling me I was starting to get on his nerves. He put down his phone and properly sat up, giving me his full attention.

“It’s related to the lore of the new album, the whole Dema thing,” he explained. I knew that over the last few albums the boys had been telling some big story but that it was too complex to just google and learn about in five minutes.

“Like how your character is the Torchbearer?” I asked and he nodded in response. “But how is that related to you not existing?”

“Do you really want me to explain the whole lore to you?” he laughed.

“Yeah, I guess today’s the day.”

Josh had tried to explain everything as clearly as he could but it still didn’t make any sense. He explained that he was called the Torchbearer–which I’d proudly already known–and that Tyler was called Clancy. He also said that Clancy was trying to escape Dema because of the Bishops–I still didn’t really understand the concept of the Bishops… or Dema for that matter.

“Wait, wait, wait, so you’re saying that there’s like… nine different Bishops?” I asked, trying to get my head around it.

Josh nodded, “And they’re in charge of different sectors of Dema where the citizens live.”

“If I’m being 100% honest, I have no idea where we are on the timeline or what the difference between Trench and Dema is,” I laughed. Josh covered his eyes and shook his head. He grabbed his phone, sending off a couple of texts before continuing trying to explain the lore. After about an hour, we both had our computers out, Josh was on the clique side of reddit and I was taking notes, typing frantically. A loud knock sounded from the door and I got up to answer it. It was Tyler, standing in the doorway with a large blanket with ‘twenty one pilots’ printed on it, snacks–including my favorite candy, the mask he’d worn during all the Clancy promotional stuff, a roll of yellow tape, and a stuffed animal which looked like a fat goat.

“Where’s Josh? I heard there was an emergency and I came prepared,” he spoke, running inside and jumping on the couch next to my boyfriend. Closing the door I chuckled to myself and walked back over to the boys. “Josh said you wanted to learn the lore.”

“Well I tried explaining it to her myself but she wasn’t getting it,” Josh claimed.

“That’s because you don’t get the lore yourself, come on,” Tyler laughed. He grabbed Josh’s computer and switched the tab to YouTube. “To start with, watch this.” He started playing the band’s ‘The Story’ playlist which featured all of the lore-related music videos. We started with Heavy Dirty Soul–which I’d seen before–and then went on to watch the videos from Trench.

“Okay so Tyler’s character, Clancy, basically tries escaping Dema but then gets taken back. Josh’s character, the Torchbearer, is in charge of the Banditos–the rebellion group–and gets Tyler–sorry Clancy out of the city and takes him to the camp but then he gets captured again?”

Tyler nodded, confirming my understanding. We continued watching the music videos till we got to ‘The Outside’. Josh pulled out the stuffed animal and passed it to me before pressing play. I watched the video, Josh leading Tyler through an island and into a cave. A small gremlin with black eyes, gray horns, and white fur popped onto the screen, the exact same creature the stuffed animal was modeled off of. He jumped about the dark cave mysteriously, leading Tyler to a larger group of them. “Oh my god what is that thing?” I moved into Josh, cuddling up to him, completely stunned at this creature who was both cute and terrifying at the same time.

“It’s Ned,” he smiled, “it stands for Neuro-Expansion Device.” I nodded and continued to watch the video. Tyler had gotten the horns from Ned and was able to control the dead bishop I’d learned to be Keons. When we finally reached Navigating, Josh paused the video. “This is the video those instagram memes were referring to, the ones Tyler has been reposting.” Tyler pressed play and we sat through the entire thing. The song was catchy and the video showed Josh leading Tyler through the forest and back into Trench after leaving the island Vøldsoy. What I didn’t expect was for Josh’s character to be a figment of Tyler’s imagination and the real Torchbearer to be the Bandito one from the Trench videos.

“WHAT?!” I gasped, “NO WAY.” There was no way this whole time the Torchbearer was not there for Clancy. I wanted to cry from how sad it was and I had to find out how the story ended. “Wait so what happens next?”

Tyler sat up and put the computer away, “Well basically we have another music video for Paladin Strait but that’s not coming out for a while. We’ve also got some lore stuff planned for the tour so I’ve got to finalize that soon too.”

I nodded listening to everything he was saying and trying to remember the few follow up questions I had. “So, the bishops,” I started.

“Yeah, what about them?” Josh asked, wrapping his arms around me.

“So I get that Keons and Nico are the main ones but what about the others? Like what kind of a name is Nills?” Tyler laughed loudly, bringing a hand up to his chest.

“They’re from the songs off Blurryface, like Sacarver, “she’s a carver,” he explained.

“Oh so you went through the lyrics and highlighted things that sounded vaguely like names?” Josh seemed to find that hilarious because he nearly fell off the couch. Tyler however, found it less funny and rolled his eyes.

“Okay, I think that’s enough for today,” he got up and packed up the blanket. “You can keep the Ned by the way.” I grinned and cuddled him closer to me.

“Thanks for the help Tyler,” Josh held me against his chest.

“No worries,” he smiled before leaving the apartment. Josh and I were left to ourselves, the rain still pattered on the roof and I could hear the occasional grumble of thunder.

“So Torchbearer, what’s the plan for dinner?” I asked, getting up off the couch. I got up, put away all the snacks and drinks while Josh folded up our blankets.

“You’re never going to stop calling me that are you?” he laughed.

“What’s that? I can’t see you, maybe you’re not really here.”

Hopefully this is good, I wasn't too sure about it but I think it's worth publishing. I'm so glad that I have 💛 anon bc their requests are awesome and I love hearing their feedback. I felt guilty last night about declining a Joshler fic but bc of 💛 saying I should write what I want it felt okay.

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uramilf · 1 year

Text

The Record Shop - Chapter Three

A/N: Okay this is dramatic and stressful. soz guys - but guess what!! I proofread!!! Warnings: Brief mention of sex, alcohol consumption, swearing, depictions of toxic/controlling partners, mentions of cheating, Penny gets GASLIT

*Penny’s Pov*

I still couldn’t believe Matty had led me on like that. He really let me believe he was interested; I had half hoped he would be waiting for me to arrive at the party so he could drag me off and be alone with me like the first day we knew each other, but he hadn’t. Instead he was alone with some other girl. I didn’t quite know what to do. I lay in bed, head spinning from drinking so much the night before, Charli stirring next to me. I grabbed my phone from the nightstand, squinting in its bright light. A message from an unknown number lit up the screen, and I sat up straight when I read the first line:

“Hi, Pen. This is Alex. I know it’s been a few months but I got your new number off your mum. I just wanted to see how you were doing down in Manchester, and I also want to say I’m sorry for everything that happened. I shouldn’t have treated you the way I did, and not a day goes by when don't I wish I did things differently. Would we be able to meet for a chat? I understand if you don’t want to, but I miss you, Penny.”

What the fuck? What could he possibly want now? He broke my heart, and now he wanted to "meet for a chat"?! Not to mention the way he had been treating me prior to our breakup. Everything I said seemed to be a problem to him; I felt as though I couldn't do anything right. I wasn't sure I wanted to put myself back in that situation.

Charli was awake now, groaning about her headache. She stopped when she saw my face. “Pen? You ok? You look like you’ve seen a ghost, but I’m guessing that’s the hangover.” “It’s not the hangover, Char. It’s my ex. He’s just messaged me and asked to meet up.” “Don’t do it!! Silly idea!” “Well, what if I want to? I just want to hear what he has to say to me.” “I mean, it’s up to you babe, but texting your ex always ends badly.” “I didn’t text him!” I exclaimed. “He texted me, okay?” “Sure. Whatever. Honestly I need a coffee before I can talk about this any further. Or maybe a gin and tonic.”

———————

My meeting with Alex had me a total nervous wreck. As I stepped into the cafe with shaking hands, I spotted him and old feelings came rushing back. His green eyes still shone the way they used to when he looked up and saw me. He brushed his fair hair out of his eyes and smiled at me, looking anxious. The way he was looking at me almost made me forget that this was the very same coffee shop I had been to with Matty, right before he had completely disregarded my feelings for him. “I’ve missed you, Penny,” Alex said softly. “And I’m sorry. I’m sorry you saw what you did, and I’m sorry it happened. But I swear, Pen, she kissed me. Not the other way around.” I shook my head and smiled. “Look, Alex, I just want to move on from it, ok? Let’s not think about it any more.”

After agreeing to drop the entire subject, we had a genuinely decent chat, and I felt myself warming to him again. Maybe he was telling the truth; yes, I had seen another girl kissing him, but he pulled away before he even noticed I was standing there. Maybe he really didn’t want to, and I had made a big deal out of nothing. He was looking at me almost sadly now, head cocked.

“What’s up?” I asked. “You look sad.” “Penny, I never meant to hurt you. Every day I have to spend without you is like hell. I miss you so much, and I guess the reason I came down here is to ask if you could possibly give me another chance?” I was stunned. My mind flashed to Matty. We weren’t together, his actions the night of his party had showed me that. I missed Alex, truth be told. And yes, our relationship had its ups and downs, but didn't everybody's? He hadn't really done that much wrong. Well, apart from the few times he had gotten a little upset with me and maybe took it too far, but my mother told me I was making a drama out of nothing, and I guess she was right. “Okay,” I breathed. “Really?” “Yes. But we’re taking this slowly, okay?” “Of course, Penny. Of course.”

—————

*Matty’s POV*

Two days after my party and not a word from Penny. I had called and texted multiple times; still nothing. I figured she was upset by what she saw in the bathroom, but it wasn’t like we were even together, right? I wouldn’t get pissed off if I saw her with another guy, I was sure of it. That was only until Charli showed up at my door with comically large sunglasses trying to mask yet another hangover. “Jesus, what happened to you?” “I’ve been on a two day bender with Penny because you screwed her over and now she’s back with her ex, which is a decision she’s not entirely sure about. Thanks for that, mate.” Charli had propped her sunglasses on top of her head and was shooting me daggers from the doorway. "Huh? What did I do?" "You upset her, you fucking arsehole! She thought you liked her!" "I do! Fuck, I really do, Char. But she left me after we slept together and didn't talk to me for a really long time. She doesn't want me, so I figured I should just do whatever I want." "Doesn't want you? Oh, Matty, you idiot! Just call her, okay? Sort it out before that fuckwit can properly ask her out again. He cheated on her, Matty. He claims he didn't, but I just know he's lying."

Charli left and I didn't quite know what to do with myself. I settled on calling Penny one last time. I swore to myself that if she didn't answer I would just leave her alone. But she did. She picked up after the third ring with a sigh. "Hey, Matty." "Thank god, Penny. I thought trying to keep up with Charli's insane alcohol tolerance might have killed you." "I'm fine." Why was she being so short with me? It wasn't like I cheated on her, we weren't even together. Oh god, did she see it as me cheating on her? "Look Penny, babe, we need to talk. Come over tomorrow, ok?" "I don't think that's a good id-" "Just do it Pen, please darling?" Penny paused for a moment and sighed. Then she grumbled "Fine, see you tomorrow," and hung up the phone.

-------------------

*Penny's POV*

When I arrived at Matty's it appeared that he had been waiting on me for a while. I had barely knocked on the door once when it swung open and he pulled me into a hug. "There you are! I've missed you, darling," he said, his voice muffled by my hair. I pulled away and looked at him with a raised eyebrow. "You've missed me?" "Of course, babe, how could I not?" "Oh, well, it's just that I could barely contain myself for your party because of how badly I wanted to see you. You made a whole big deal about me being there, saying you couldn't wait to see me again, and yet you didn't even make an effort to fucking speak to me? And then you disappeared, and I found you with another girl's mouth round your fucking cock. I can't believe you." Matty looked at me in shock. "Pen, I'm sorry. I genuinely didn't think it was a big deal. I'm not your boyfriend, right?" "No, you aren't. But I really thought you liked me," I said in a small voice. I couldn't bring my eyes to meet his because I knew they wouldn't have the same glimmer they had the day I met him. "I do, Penny! I really fucking like you. Fuck, I've never met anyone like you. You're fucking beautiful, and you like to talk to me about guitars, and you love Jeff Buckley and... need I go on? My point is: I didn't think you were interested in me for anything other than a quick hookup. You left my flat so early that morning, I thought you wouldn't want to see me again." "Of course I wanted to see you, Matty. I didn't want to rush into anything. But that's clearly what's happened here."

Matty pulled me by the hand into his living area and sat me down. He knelt down in front of me like a sinner before God, between my knees, hands clutching mine tightly. "Can you give me another chance, Penny? We won't rush into it, Christ knows I'm not stable enough to be your boyfriend yet, but I need you, darling. I need you." Guilt washed over me. I had only just gotten things going with Alex again - I couldn't tell him it was over again before I'd even given him another chance. "I'm sorry, Matty," I whispered. "It's too late, okay? I guess we're just not meant for each other."

-----------------

I had wiped a tear or two off of Matty's cheek and hugged him tightly, promising we would stay friends, but told him it just wasn't our time. And then I headed back to my flat, where Alex was waiting for me. He wasn't my boyfriend again, not yet anyway, but he had been staying with me, sleeping on the sofa, and we'd been spending lots of time together. I'd started to notice him seeping back into my life like he had done before and it brought me a kind of familiar comfort. The way he blended his life with mine; his shoes and clothes in my house, pictures of him on my phone, his aftershave in my bathroom cabinet. Like someone who was back where they belonged.

But with everything that seemed right about Alex there was something a little bit off about him to go with it. With the sense of familiarity came the well-known sense of unease. He appeared to hide his phone from me a lot, and snapped at me to put it down when I went to take a picture of him with it. I figured he was just a bit protective of his stuff, didn't want me damaging anything. He also grew tense when I talked about Matty, or any of my male friends for that matter. Almost as soon as I arrived home from Matty's flat, I had received a call from George. Alex reached out and grabbed my phone, declining the call and setting the phone down near to him. "Oh, I should call him, actually," I said, my eyebrows lifting in surprise. "It can't have been that important," he replied shortly, going to kiss me. I dodged the kiss and tried to grab my phone. He didn't let me. "I haven't spoken to him in days, Alex. He's my friend, I want to check up on him." "Well, you can talk to him anytime. I haven't seen you in months. It's my turn to talk to you now, Pen. Not George's, whoever the fuck he actually is."

I didn't like it. The way he talked about George, who was one of the sweetest people I knew, as if he was holding me hostage instead of just calling me up to say hi. I didn't like the way he said it was "his turn" with me as if I was a toy that little kids were fighting over. I was staring to remember the real reason I didn't give him a second chance the first time he hurt me.

-----------------------

When Alex went out to the shop the next day, I took the opportunity to call George back. I lied and said I was busy the night before. We laughed and chatted for around ten minutes, and I felt the comfort and freedom I felt when I moved by myself flooding back in. I called Ross too, asking if he would book me in for my first tattoo later that week. He was ecstatic and said he couldn't wait to get to work on it, and that he had a few ideas for me already. Then I called Adam, as it had definitely been a while since we'd spoken. I told him about Alex, leaving out the part where I wasn't sure I was comfortable in the relationship, and he invited us to go out with him and Carly. "I'd love to meet this Alex guy, he sounds like he's making you pretty happy," Adam had said. I agreed and changed the subject quickly.

When Alex returned I told him all about Ross's plans to tattoo a few small butterflies on my lower back. He tensed up, so I asked what was wrong. "You seriously want to put that shit all over your body? You know once they're on, they don't come off." "Yeah, I know, but I've wanted it done for ages. And Ross is amazing, I just know it's gonna look great." Alex scoffed and I felt my smile fall. "Yeah, sure. Y'know what? I'm not sure I want this guy all over you - he'll probably make you take your top off and pretend he's just doing his job." "I won't need to take my top off, I can just roll it up a bit. Matty's gonna come too, maybe get another one on arm." "Fucking Matty. Don't let these guys influence your decisions, babe." "Fine, if you feel that strongly about it I won't get the tattoo." "Good. Your mum would hate it anyway, you know how she is with that shit. Listen, do we really need to go out with this Adam guy tomorrow? I can't be arsed." I couldn't believe him tonight. Only a few days ago we had agreed to take it slow, so why was he acting like he had total control over me? "Please, Alex. Adam's lovely, and so is his girlfriend. I love them, genuinely. It would mean a lot to me if you came and met them." "Okay, Penny. Just for you."

----------------------

We were getting ready to leave the bar after some reasonably awkward small talk. Carly had gone to the bathroom and Alex was paying for his tab, leaving me and Adam at the table. Thank god. "Sorry Ad, I guess Alex isn't great with new people." "Yeah, that or he just really fucking hates me. Are you sure you're okay, Penny?" "I'm fine, I just need a good night's sleep, I suppose. I'm gonna go to the loo as well before we go."

I met Carly in the bathroom. She looked pale and anxious, chewing on her lip. "Carls? What's wrong, honey?" "Oh, Penny, I'm so glad you came in here. I really didn't want to do this in front of everyone." "What? What's going on?" Carly looked like she wanted to burst into tears. "It's Alex, I'm sorry darling. He basically cornered me on the way in here and tried to chat me up. He said if I ever wanted to 'get away' from Adam that I could meet up with him and you would never know." "Oh my god, Carly. I'm so sorry." "No, I'm sorry, hun. He said... well... I called him a liar and said I would never do that to you or Adam, and he said he had cheated on you before and you hadn't found out." My heart dropped. "What the fuck?" Carly threw her arms around me. "He said you caught him kissing some girl and believed him when he said it wasn't his fault. I think he'd been seeing her for a while, Penny."

---------------

"You're a lying, cheating piece of shit, Alex! You swore you weren't seeing her!" I almost screamed at him the second we were through the door of my flat. "What the fuck? That Carly girl is a crazy bitch, I never made a move on her!" "Do you seriously think I'm gonna believe a psycho control freak like you instead of my own friend? Carly is an angel and I trust her with my fucking life. You're gonna pack up your shit and leave right now, you're going to lose my number and you're never going to fucking speak to me again!" I gave him exactly five minutes to get the hell out before I slammed the door on him and slid down the wall, bawling my eyes out. It had happened again. I let myself slip back into the old routine of thinking he could change, and got hurt again. There was only one person I knew I needed to see, and it was the person I had previously left crying alone in his flat because I thought Alex was better for me.

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I pounded on the door of Matty's flat, not crying anymore but still scrubbing furiously at my eyes with a tissue to remove any trace of my tears. He opened it, yawning sleepily, his pyjama trousers low on his hips revealing the waistband of his boxers and his stomach tattoo. He perked himself up when he saw me, mouth open slightly. It was the first time I had seen Matty Healy with nothing to say.

I threw myself into his arms and started to cry against his chest. I sort of switched off as he shut the door and walked me into the living room, holding me tight. I was crying on his lap on the sofa now, not quite sure how I had gotten there. He seemed to know exactly what had happened before I could even get a single word out. Perhaps Adam called ahead and warned him that I would potentially be in a bad way for a while. He stroked my hair, murmuring "Don't worry, baby. He just isn't worth it. He's not enough for my lovely pretty girl."

I wasn't sure if it was the stress of the situation getting to me, or the realisation that what I wanted had been right in front of me the whole time, but I lifted my head from Matty's chest and crashed my lips directly onto his.

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A/N: Oooooh cliffhanger! Soz for the sadness and stress

#matty healy #the 1975 #the 1975 smut #matty healy smut #matty healy x reader #ross macdonald #george daniel #adam hann #matty healy imagines #matty healy x oc

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