#I just think there's a lot of good fanfic material here somewhere I don't know
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brethilach · 5 months ago
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I think it's kind of hilarious that in PJ's movies one of the main reasons why Thorin doubles down and refuses to deal with Thranduil (instead keeping the Company imprisoned for perhaps longer than necessary) is because he just has THAT much faith in Bilbo and believes he's not only still alive (which he has no proof of at this point), but that Bilbo will ALSO come back and find a way to save all of them within the relatively short amount of time they have before they miss Durin's Day
On one hand, he was right!! Bilbo DID do all of that, and it's really heartwarming that Thorin believed in him!!
But on the other, I can never think about this without also thinking about the fact that Bilbo was living in Thranduil's walls for multiple weeks (according to the book) and probably had little to eat nor ample opportunity to rest. All while Thorin could have taken Thranduil's deal and stopped it at any moment
I'm not saying that (movie) Thorin was wrong for not doing so (I probably also wouldn't trust the word of someone who tried to make a deal with me as "one king to another" while also bargaining the freedom of my family and friends, even if I didn't have a century-long grudge on top of it), but I can't imagine a reality that Thorin lives where Bilbo wouldn't have something to say about it. I don't know if he would necessarily be angry or upset at Thorin, but I think he'd at least feel some type of way about it
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Um hi so sorry to bother you but I really love your writing!!
I think your work is very well written and funny and entertaining!
That being said Ive been wanting to write for a while but get too anxious over getting the characters wrong…
You wouldnt happen to have any tips to get over this, would u?
First off, thank you so much for your kind words!
As a disclaimer, I don't know that I'm much qualified to give writing advice. I have dear friends who are Writers with a capital W; at this point I see myself very much as the hobbiest version: Writer Lite if you will. I don't mean to devalue or discredit my own writing; I just mean to say that...I don't feel like I worry about the things a Writer is supposed to worry about, at least at this point. I write what I want, when and how I want to, and I will regularly and cheerfully sacrifice grammar and canon characterization and pacing on the altar of my own whims.
And tbh, if you're looking at starting out in fanfic specifically, that's probably a good place to start. The stakes are really low so it's a great space to get comfortable. No one is paying you. You don't owe anyone anything. Some people will like your characterizations and style, and other people won't. And (assuming you're a Yuumori fan because you mentioned my writing), the Yuumori fandom is a GREAT place to test the waters, because while the fandom is small and there's never a huge amount of engagement, it's a really polite fandom. Basically everyone here understands the principle of "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all."
Anywho, practically speaking: I really like to try to vary characters' voices a bit. Sherlock gets his incredibly-irritating-to-write attempt at a Cockney accent. William and Albert are posh but get to swear sometimes because I think it's funny. Moran is just kind of casual; somewhere between the Moriartys and Sherlock. And so on.
If you're trying to stick really closely to canon characterizations, doing some rereading/watching of the source material before you start can definitely help. But it's also worth noting that sometimes fandom has its own interpretation that's widespread but not really sourced from canon. Can any of us prove canonically that Albert Moriarty is bisexual, promiscuous, and a little bit masochistic? Not in the slightest! And yet for some reason a significant portion of us have just gone "yeah that sounds right," and you'll never get shot down for writing him that way. So there's definitely a lot of space to just have fun with it (though acknowledging in your tags/author's notes that something is OOC can help lol.)
Then of course it's just...just do it! Have fun! Make playlists to write to if you're anything like me! Fall down Google rabbit holes researching what Victorians ate for breakfast! Pretend to be confident but not arrogant (I admit, I will sometimes scroll by things where the author is self-deprecating in the summary: it kind of feels like clicking there is agreeing to do some emotional labour, which is usually part of what I'm trying to escape via fic. 😅) Engage with your chosen fandom, and you'll start to see those group-workshopped headcanons that we enjoy reading about just as much as actual canon characterizations; you'll also make friends that way who will be excited to read your fics!
I hope you have so much fun writing! 😊
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theharrowing · 2 years ago
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Oooh, so many interesting questions! 4, 13, 14, 25, 32, 38, 43, 44, 51 please. (oops kind of a lot lol. you can do less if you want!) what does 38 mean huh?? 43, my fav is koya despite being yoongi biased :/ i like sleepy/tired characters. i feel guilty for "betraying" my bias though lol
hello, anon!!! sorry for keeping you waiting, my dear! i am not shy so let's answer all of these hehe.
4. Current Bias?
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but also namjoon has been like.........sharing the throne??? so to speak????? i don't know. i just cry over men, that's all i know.
13. Any concert experience? 
yes! thanks to some generous friends, i got to go to PTD LA nights 1, 3 & 4! for 3 & 4, a gaggle of gals slept in my home (i even gave them my bed) so them scoring me a ticket definitely came with the guarantee of somewhere for them to sleep. 🥰🥰🥰 here are two of the first pics i found in my camera roll that looked cute enough to share:
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14. Funny moments that always make you laugh?
i answered this questions here too, but after some thought, the first thing that really made me laugh like i was dying was the run bts episode where jungkook made the sweet potatoes that stuck to the plate. he was my bias at the time too, and i was smitten by how fucking cute and silly he was. still makes me laugh all these (2 lol) years later. when jin got hit in the nuts with the air hockey puck. when suga unplugged the tv while jin was playing. they're pure chaos without even trying and i love them very much.
25. Do you read fanfics? If yes can you recommend one? 
i read a lot of fanfics! i just finished reading Stars Lost in the Sea by smiles and WOW THE ANGST i cried so much lmao, like so, so much. really great story. yoonjin, time travel, yearning. it was so good!
32. ______ (member) dream you had?
thinking about this makes me realize that recently jungkook was in a dream, but the plot is completely lost to me, and honestly, i'm a bit sad. i dream about them often. once i had a dream a very naked namjoon was beneath me (i was straddling his waist, p sure i clothes on lmao) and he was saying "show me how you fuck yoongi oppa" and then i woke up and had A LOT OF REGRETS!!!! (and if i put a similar scene in collateral 11 that's my own business.) (also, i'm older than yoongi and wouldn't call him oppa, but...my subconsciousness went for it.) my dreams aren't always sexual, though! sometimes we're just in come chaotic dream world doing chaotic things. but they are sexy occassionally. 😈
38. Your BTS guilty pleasure?
no, i am unabashedly am army lol. although many armys are embarrassing as hell and i steer clear of the drama and don't associate with them lmao. i think a guilty pleasure is something you like despite it not being popular, or despite people thinking it's not a good thing to like? and i don't think bts can even fit into that classification bc their fanbase is fucking huge. and they seem to genuinely be good people. but ig haters will say it's photoshop idk.
43. Favorite BT21 character?
honestly, shooky. I KNOW YOONGI IS MY BIAS but i don't like them bc of that lol i like them bc they're super cute and a vibe. they're a grumpy cookie and like............gosh, big fucking mood. i love them all tho, 10/10 very cute cuties. i dont even really collect plushies and i have 7 shookys lmao. and 1 rj.
44. BTS Merch you own or some you want to own?
i own a fair share. i have most cds, some dvds, some seasons greetings/winter packages. enamel pins, the coveted whale plushie, yoongi's necklace, joon's windchime, tae's enamel pins...a lot of washi tapes lol. the me, myself & i photobooks (thanks to one very generous beta reader.) 🥺
there's nothing i really want right now, tbh. i wasn't a collector before, so it's still kinda weird to me to want material possessions; i have been trying, more recently, to only get things i can wear or actually use bc i am a very broke college student, once again lol. i finally got the recipe book, and i'm really excited to use it!
51. If BTS were not Idols what job YOU believe they will choose?
hmm, this is a tough question. i could really see namjoon and yoongi as professors of some sort, or as therapists. jungkook would probably be a veterinarian. taehyung would own a very prestigious daycare center. hoseok and jimin would still be in the dance scene, somehow. seokjin would be a retired actor.
i could also see all 7 of them being twitch streamers or youtubers. seokjin and jungkook would play games. namjoon and yoongi would be philosophical. taehyung's channel would be chaotic with no theme. hoseok would model his latest clothing hauls and jimin would be a self-taught makeup artist.
ask me some BTS questions!!!!
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kaiparker-avengerssmut · 4 years ago
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Their Doll 11
Silent scream
B.Barnes x Stark!Reader, S.Rogers x Stark!Reader
series synopsis:  y/n Stark, all records of her non existent, and yet Hydra still find her. When she is kidnapped by a certain super-soldier and no one believes her, she finds herself searching for unexpected familiarity in her not-so-distant past.
Series Warnings: smut, violence, torture, swearing
Chapter Summary: y/n gets shut up
Warnings: mentions of violence, swearing
A/n: The timeline in this has been altered, as there I things I wanted to include but I also wanted this fic to follow the storyline/timeline of Winter Soldier and Civil war.So for purposes of this fanfic, Peter Parker was discovered by Tony at a much younger age - when he was bitten - and has been an intern with him since, almost like a protégée.(For the purposes of this story Peter was bitten much younger too - more like when he was 9 or ten rather than 14/15)
Masterlist | Series Masterlist
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"Fuck you." I snapped, mustering all the saliva I could before spitting it at his face. He flinched back when it splattered over his cheek, his fingers swiping through the spittle before he was shaking it from them and standing back to his full height.
"It appears this one is never going to cooperate. If she won't give us information, why let our experimentations on her possibly...benefit the girl the the future?" The general spoke menacingly to the guards behind me. "How about way find a way to shut her up?"
My heat thudded so hard in my chest it was like someone was punching me from the inside, all air knocked from my lungs before I was being hoisted up to my feet again with two rough grips on my upper arms. My chest heaving, I coughed a ragged breath before composing myself. The glint of the silver blade in the corner of my vision sent my eyes bugging out of my skull and my mind into a flat panic.
So, I did what any rational person with my capabilities would do. I began to hum the deep melody - one a seldom sung - and a smirk crawled its way onto my now curved lips. Clearly, the general was prepared, but the two guards behind we weren't so lucky.
A desperate cry pierced my tune, harmonising with my voice as I heard the havoc I was causing. This was the first time I'd enjoyed a kill, the very first time I'd wanted to use my powers for such a horrific reason. I'd only ever used this part of my power a few times, but this was the only time I'd been fully lucid whilst doing so.
Some people want nothing more than to blow their enemies' brains out, and trust me when I tell you; It felt good.
However, luck was never on my side, and the General had come full prepared. He wasn't even affected, it must've been something to do with the funny earpiece he was wearing.
As my eyes met his, the General's face held non of the cocky, smug tones that I'd expect. No, the only word I could use to describe his old and crinkled features was pure ire, and it was directed at me.
"You conniving, vile little bitch!" He snarled, the flash of silver weeding a sense of utter and complete dread, tangled with fear inside of me, uprooting my confidence. I don't remember a lot after that, to tell you the truth. I know the blade sliced along my throat. I know everything was rained black. And that's about it.
...
Awakening with a gasp was the last thing I expected to happen. The sight of the blade risen in front of the general burned into my mind, almost as if it'd been scorned against my flesh. But here I was: awake, gasping for breath, completely surrounded by doctors I'd never seen before.
My hand instantly flew to my neck, a stinging sensation pulsing from the delicate skin. I hissed as my sweaty palm made contact with the bandage, the material corse and scratchy against my skin. As a doctor waddled over to me, needle in hand, I flailed desperately, a silent scream ripping from my throat.
Hang on a second-
Silent scream? I tried again, the shrill noise that should be tearing from me simply vanishing as it hit my throat. My eyes widened with the realisation, my bottom lip wobbling as I suddenly pieces together what had happened.
He said he'd have to shut me up, didn't he? The thought made me want to scream loudly, that the blade had touched my skin and left me with no defence.
They took away the hell they'd reigned upon me, something I'd wished I could be rid of for years, and now I was disappointed. Maybe this was their plan all along, that little voice in my head sang. The tears pricked at my eyes, which rolled back lazily as the scratch of the needle poked at my neck.
...
My calloused fingers ran over the cut tirelessly, trying to itch somewhere that I could never seem to find. I don't know how long I was sedated for, but since waking up the bleeding had stopped and there was now an offensive red line that slid horizontally across my neck.
Every time I touched it, it coaxed a wince from me, and yet that's all I seemed to do. It was like poking a bruise, I guess. The more it hurts the more you want to do it.
They'd returned me to my cell, clearly very little need for restraints against my weakened, starved and dehydrated body. I could see the flesh thinning on my arms, my ribs pressing painfully against my skin. Not only could I see the hunger, but I could feel it.
Manifesting, biting, gnawing hunger. The type that are you from inside out, devouring everything of you until the only thing you could think about was eating. Huh, I guess I was already at that stage then.
My eyes remained locked in place, glossy with the endless tears as I stared at the floor. If I really looked hard enough, the still wet blood smeared over the floors of the hallway resembled something close to strawberry jam. The thoughts of the sickly sweat substance spread over a perfectly toasted piece of bread, accompanied with a big glass of fresh orange juice and washed down by a large coffee made my mouth water. The booming rumble in my stomach made the groan, even more drawn out than expected when I remembered all I'd get to eat today: a small bread roll and a tiny glass of water.
Sadly, the sink in my cell did not contain drinking water. The liquid was so discoloured that I purposely avoided washing me hands, preferring to possible have my own germs coating my hands than whatever they were giving me. I'm not kicking you about, I genuinely think the water was filtered through a clump of fucking horse shit, mixed with fish guts and complimented with a hint of rotting fruit. If I could help it, I'd be dodging that water like the plague (if it didn't contain one already) for the rest of my life.
I'm not really sure why, but my head snapped up in surprise why the door sprang open, a single guard entering.
"The general requires your presence." He deadpanned, eyes cold as eyes and sharp as a knife as they stabbed through me. I wanted to fight back, stay glued to the spot and snap back some snarky remark, but in my current condition I almost couldn't bring myself to care where I was about to be taken, or why for that matter.
I stood without a word, silently following the man until we reached an unfamiliar metal door. I found it almost laughable, really, that they'd reduced my strength so much, that no one even considered putting me any sort of restraints anymore.
The door was pushed open with a child-like whine emitting from its rusty hinges, the metal scraping over the concrete floor painfully. The guard simply grabbed my arm before tugging me into the room, letting the door shut behind his with a hollow thunk.
"Ah, she has arrived!" The general's voice exclaimed, a deviant smile spreading over his thin lips. "And just in time to meet Mr Pierce, too." He said menacingly.
I felt embarrassed, exposed, stood before the room of men. My hair was a mess, tears streaking my reddened face, eyes puffy from crying and the only clothes a wore was a now-battered hospital gown. My eyes darted around nervously, trying to avoid the blonde man sat before me, chin resting in his palm as he surveyed me.
"Why is this one...important?" The man asked, eyeing me up and down before his eyes seemed to fixate on my neck. The scar.
"This," the general spoke, but Mr Pierce kept his eyes on me, "is Miss y/n Stark." Mr Pierce's eyes widened ever so slightly, but it was barely noticeable.
"As in Tony Stark?" Pierce pondered.
"The very same." The general smirked.
"She seems awfully...quiet, for a Stark." Pierce said with almost a hint of disgust, eyes still glued to my shaking frame.
"That's because we shut her up." The general snapped, awfully harshly.
"Is that the scar? How fresh is it?" Pierce jabbed his questions, curiosity clearly becoming him in the moment.
"Indeed. Our doctors here are very good, Sir. They had her all patched up and out of bandages in just three days." The general bragged, shoulders back and head held high as if he was posing for a portrait.
"I see." Pierce mused, brows furrowed in thought. "What do you plan to do with her? Now that she can't tell you anything?"
"Oh, trust me, sir. She wasn't giving anything up either way," he paused, striding over to me and yanking my head back with a fistful of hair, my back mow  pressed to his chest and his mouth at my ear, "isn't that right, sweetheart?"he clarified, and I didn't hesitate to nod my head as much as his grip would allow.
"So why isn't she dead?" Pierce gritted, seemingly annoyed. "It's not like Tony's attached to her, he never looked for her and I've never even heard him mention her."
"But then they'll keep coming. I don't want the avengers on my back, and I'm sure you don't either." Pierce hummed in agreement. "She's with them - her and that Captain America guy arrived together - so why not use her to send a message?" The general suggested.
...
That's how I found myself tied up, wrists bound and gun to my head as I sat shakily in a chair in the middle of the quinjet. I had no clue how long I'd been since that day, but I do know that I had been sedated once again. The flimsy hospital gown allowed a shiver to chill me, skin  forming goosebumps as I sat before the open door or the quinjet.
"You will tell them exactly as I just did. Got it?" The general pressed, pushing the gun into my head hard enough to make by head throb. Tears biting at my eyes, I nodded furiously, now determined to live with the promise of being free again. "Good. Soldat, make sure she gets back to New York without being seen, I'd hate to have to spill more blood than we intended." The general demanded, a figure rustling its way out of the shadows at the edge of the room. A gasp tore from my throat at the sight of him - clad in black leather and arm as silver as the moon. The soldier - my soldier.
But he simple stared through me, eyes blank and clouded in a coldness I'd never had directed at me from him before.
"And make sure you don't fail this time, soldat." The general snapped. The soldier nodded solemnly, the echoing of boots thudding filling both their ears as the general walked off the ship.
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garlichoisan · 4 years ago
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Singing in the shower | liu yangyang
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➸ Genre: Fluff
➸ Pairing: Yangyang × f reader
➸ Word count: 7 197
➸ Information:
college!au, childhood friends, friends to lovers, friends!NCT Dream 00 line, bestfriend!Yeji (ITZY), very slight NoMin references (Jeno + Jaemin), mention of Mark Lee, reader is a few months older than YangYang (born in the same year)
➸ Warnings: A lot of fluff as usual.
➸ Plot:
You're forced to learn how to live without your closest friend from childhood who has to go live in Germany with his parents, leaving you heartbroken. You thought YangYang was going to be by your side forever. As years have passed and you've almost started to forget about him, he suddenly appears in your life again, turning it upside down, and this time, nobody's leaving.
⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯
➸ A/N: This oneshot took me over 2 months and a half to write and was written as a part of my dear @renjunniehome's song fic challenge (?)
Not really a challenge, but it's an event where diffent NCT writers write fanfics based on songs so make sure to check it here: PLAYLIST FICS MASTERLIST
⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯
“I don't know, it's just something about ya
Got me feeling like I can't be without ya
Anytime someone mention your name
I be feeling as if I'm around ya”
YangYang and you have always been a package deal; you were so close as children that at one point people couldn’t imagine one of you without the other and honestly, you also couldn’t imagine what your life would be without your best friend. There was something about him that made you feel butterflies in your stomach, even though as a child you could not identify and understand clearly what it was.
Besides that, your parents and YangYang’s were very close so you sometimes had family dinners together; that happened often, since you were neighbors and your houses were literally right next to each other. Your parents loved YangYang like their own son, maybe because he spent so much time in your house, had dinner there, and even stayed the night quite often for your sleepover parties. Of course, his parents were also very happy when you went to his house in order to spend time with him. Everyone in the neighborhood thought you’d end up marrying each other when you grow up, even if your child selves denied it with disgust. However, you couldn’t deny that your face always lit up when your parents told you YangYang and his parents would be coming over for dinner. Just the mention of his name made you start jumping with excitement.
But apparently everything good had to end sooner or later. You could still remember the shock you felt when you learnt YangYang would be leaving his house which was right next to yours in order to go live and study in Germany. He explained with glossy eyes that his parents have found better work opportunities there and that this probably meant you wouldn’t see each other very often. When you first heard this, you burst out crying, hugging him tightly, begging him not to go. Even though he also didn’t want to go, he was just a child so he had to leave with his parents. That left you heartbroken; you tried to text him in the beginning in order to keep in touch but it was getting difficult because of the time difference, as well as the lack of personal contact. Slowly you started to get used to life without him, no matter how much you wanted him back, but you couldn’t really learn to be happy without him.
⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯
“Ain't no words to describe you baby
All I know is that you take me high
Can you tell that you drive me crazy?
'Cause I can't get you out my mind”
As the years were passing and you were growing up, you started to understand what your feelings for your childhood friend meant. Before you heard the word “crush”, you thought you just loved to be next to YangYang because he was funny and was making you laugh. But as a teenager, you realized you still missed him, even though you had no idea what he looked like now, how much he had changed, and most of all, you felt how you haven’t gotten over him at all. People your age started to date, but you weren’t interested in anyone, since subconsciously you kept comparing them to your childhood friend. You never even went to dates, and you realized how childish your behavior was, but honestly, nobody seemed like your type anyways. You barely had any friends, since the overly-romanticized idea of YangYang has turned into a standard for your friendships as well. You felt as if you were going crazy because of him as you only thought of him and how you would feel if you could meet him now.
* * *
A few years have passed and you were now in university, trying to live without the thought of YangYang as you realized you were probably never going to meet him again. Now you had some amazing friends who were bringing colors into your life and sometimes distracted you from thoughts about your childhood friend.
You were currently having lunch with your friends from your class. Suddenly you saw Jaemin, one of your friends, running towards your table and finding a place to sit, as he looked as if he was excited for some reason.
"Guys, big news! Apparently we're gonna have a new guy in our class. I heard he's German. I can't wait to meet him! European peopleare so good-looking!" Jaemin said with a dreamy gaze.
“Why would there be a German in our class?” You asked confusedly.
“I don’t know, that’s what the rumors are.”
As you heard the word ‘German’, you suddenly thought of YangYang again, trying to stop the association in your mind before it was too late. For the rest of lunch time you were a lot more silent than usual, quietly eating your food as Haechan was telling jokes, Renjun was laughing, and Jaemin kept annoying Jeno.
The next day you had an early class and as you heard your alarm ring, you groaned softly in annoyance, turning it off and literally rolling out of bed, as you fell to the floor, hugging your blanket, together with your bunny plushie which was actually a present from YangYang.
“Stop overreacting, you drama queen. Nobody has ever died from early morning classes,” your roommate and best friend, Yeji, said.
Sometimes you wondered how could she be so energetic, enthusiastic and optimistic, even early in the morning.
“Yeah, I might be the first one though,” you cried out, while holding the plushie tightly, refusing to accept the reality.
“Come on, if you get up now, I’ll buy you something delicious after classes,” Yeji promised, taking your hand to help you get to your feet.
When you heard her offer, your eyes lit up.
“Really?” You were still a little skeptical about believing her, even though you wanted to.
“Yes, knowing you, you’re probably just going to ask me to buy you a chocolate. Completely affordable,” Yeji chuckled, knowing she was right.
“Correct. Make it two, though. I feel this is going to be a difficult day.”
You finally took her hand and let her help you get up from the floor. After that you quickly put your plushie back in your bed, laying its head on your pillow, as you took the blankets from the floor and put them over the plushie, wanting it to feel warm. Yeji watched your actions with a wide smile on her face.
“Aww, you’re so cute. Now go get ready, or we’ll gonna be late.”
“Oh, how tragic that would be,” you said sarcastically, before going to the bathroom to wash your face and brush your teeth.
* * *
When you and Yeji entered the lecture hall, you found your classmates being more energetic and chattier than usual. You also noticed your friends, who were talking to a new guy, probably the one Jaemin mentioned the day before, as you recalled.
“Honestly I was a little disappointed to find out you weren’t actually German,” you heard Jaemin say and you giggled quietly.
“If those weird comments don’t scare the new guy off, I’d be really impressed,” Yeji noted, as she found a place near the window and you sat next to her.
“I agree,” you laughed, turning around to look at the new guy once again.
He looked somehow familiar to you, but you couldn’t tell why. When he noticed you looking at him he just stared at you for a couple of seconds while Jaemin and the rest of your friends were probably bothering him. You could swear you’ve seen those shiny dark brown eyes somewhere else before. But as you realized you were still looking at the guy, you quickly averted your eyes, so that he wouldn’t think you were some kind of a creep. You thought that maybe there was not a particular reason for his familiar vibe: maybe he just looked like somebody you’d befriend, that’s why he looked as if you already knew him, or at least that’s what you believed.
“I see the new guy has already caught your eye. The question is, how did he achieve that? You’re not usually interested in others,” Yeji pointed out.
“I-I’m not looking at him,” you denied, shaking your head. “Guys are basically a loss of time, except for my friends. But they’re too dumb for me to date one of them. Besides, only two of them are boyfriend material, they are Jaemin and Jeno, and they’re basically almost dating each other, even though they don’t know it yet,” you explained, taking your textbook out.
As you mentioned Jeno, you saw him coming to you and you looked at him questioningly.
“We promised to show the new guy around after this class, and then we’re going to have lunch with him. You and Yeji can also join us,” Jeno suggested and Yeji nodded.
“We’d love to!” You smiled and Jeno smiled back, returning to his seat, next to Jaemin.
When English class ended, you and Yeji went out of the lecture hall, waiting for your friends and the new guy. They were soon here and you all started walking around the hall, as you heard Haechan talking about the variety of books in the university’s library even though you’ve never seen him actually go there, so you were wondering how he knew this information. Meanwhile you and the new guy continued looking at each other and then averting your gaze without saying anything. You realized he still hasn’t introduced himself to you, but you couldn’t ask him for his name, because you were shy, so you just continued walking in silence, as the ones who were talking were mainly Haechan and Renjun.
When you went to the cafeteria and found a table, you left your things, so that the guys could watch over them, and you went to buy food with Yeji.
“Seriously, what’s going on between you and the new guy? You can’t stop looking at each other. You’ve never looked at a guy like that, so you can’t convince me you don’t like him,” Yeji stated, demanding an answer, as she took a bowl of rice.
“He just looks familiar, I don’t know why though. That’s all.”
“You know that when you meet your soulmate for the first time, you feel as if you already know each other?” Yeji asked, as you paid for your food and started walking back to the table with your best friend walking after you.
“Shut up,” you hit her arm playfully; you really wanted her to stop saying things like that.
When you went back to the table, you noticed only Jaemin and Jeno were there. Jaemin was feeding Jeno, holding a spoon of rice which he put into his mouth.
“Eat a lot, handsome,” Jaemin winked at Jeno who averted his head with discontent. “Do you want some kimchi?” He asked, as Jeno nodded, even though he didn’t want his best friend to feed him.
“Why are you feeding him? Can he not hold the utensils himself?” Yeji asked, as you hit her arm again.
“Be quiet, you’re ruining the romance,” you scolded her, as you continued looking at your two friends, as you sat across from them.
“What romance are you talking about, I just lost a bet,” Jeno groaned in disagreement with your statement.
“Was the bet letting Jaemin show his love for you freely?” You questioned him, as Jeno looked too flustered to answer.
“Something like that,” Jaemin confirmed. “Ah, Jeno, you’re such a messy eater! Here, let me wipe that off,” he said, as he wiped the rice off Jeno’s lips, using a tissue.
“Cute,” you whispered, looking away as you started eating your own lunch.
“Jaemin’s actions are making me want to throw up,” Yeji confessed, taking her fork and starting to eat her food in silence.
“You’re not the only one, I feel the same way,” Jeno agreed quietly, looking at Jaemin as if he was going to kill him every second now.
A few minutes later the new guy approached your table, holding his own tray of food, setting it down and sitting next to you. Your heart skipped a beat just because of his decision to sit next to you. You didn’t know why him being close to you was making you feel this special, so you tried to brush it off, but you couldn’t; so during the rest of the lunch you were actually in a very good mood, even though you and the new guy still haven’t talked to each other directly at all. When Haechan and Renjun joined you, you talked to them a lot, trying not to think about the stranger next to you, since you were too shy to ask for his name, and he apparently didn’t want to say it to you or ask you about yours.
As you were done with lunch, you stood up from the table and took your tray in your hands, looking at the new guy as he was doing the same. When he took his own tray, though, you noticed he dropped something. You quickly bent down to get it and give it back to its owner. But before handing it to him, you took a quick look at it – it was a discount card for the food in the cafeteria. You saw his picture and you read your name, saying it out loud as you realized something.
“Yang… Yang?” You looked up in disbelief.
He looked at you with a smile and he nodded.
“Yes, YangYang is my name, not a nickname as people usually think. Sorry for not introducing myself to you earlier, I was just distracted since you seemed really familiar for some reason,” he said, as you handed him his discount card.
“Um, I… My name is Y/N,” you introduced yourself quietly, as you waited for his reaction.
There were two possible ways this could go: he would either recognize his own childhood best friend, or he would take your hand, as he hears your name for the first time, if he wasn’t your YangYang, but some other guy with the same name. But to you, now it all made sense. The visual resemblance, his voice, his cheerful personality… But you still wanted to be sure it was actually him, before hugging him excitedly.
“You… Bunny?” He called you by your nickname he came up with when you were younger. He thought you looked energetic and playful, just like a bunny.
You nodded, as you couldn’t stop smiling.
“You don’t know how much I missed you!”
Before you could do anything, he put his tray and card down on the table as he hugged you tightly. You were a little taken aback for a couple of seconds, slowly realizing your wish has come true. You and your best friend were finally together.
⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯
“Thinkin' of ya when I'm goin' to bed
When I wake up think of ya again
You are my homie, lover and friend
Exactly why”
As you and Yeji went back to the dorms, you didn’t even have any motivation to study, because you were too busy thinking about your amazing day. You still couldn’t believe this was actually him, your childhood best friend who you were meeting so many years after he left for Germany, after you had lost hope of seeing him ever again. You were hugging your plushie, as you were jumping around the room, repeating that tomorrow you were meeting YangYang after classes in a café, where you could talk to each other and get updates on his life, even though everything seemed as if it was still the same; even YangYang haven’t changed in your opinion, except for becoming more handsome now as an adult.
Yeji was smiling at you, as you told her about your long story with your childhood friend. She was sincerely happy to see you so excited and she wished everything would turn out well for you. You kept thinking about him before going to bed and even after you woke up, starting your day with a smile on your face.
⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯
“You light me up inside
Like the 4th of July
Whenever you’rearound
I always seem to smile”
A few weeks have passed since your reunion with YangYang; now you were used to hanging out together all the time, just like before, realizing that neither of you really changed. You craved each other’s attention and presence just the same way as when you were kids. Today you decided to visit a café with a nice atmosphere, suitable for a cozy afternoon and long conversations. After classes were over, you said goodbye to Yeji, as she wished you to have a good time on your date, but you were quick to correct her this wasn’t a date (even though you secretly wanted it to be) and went out of the classroom together with YangYang.
On the way to the café you couldn’t stop talking to each other. Your topics were never ending and it was always exciting spending time together for both of you. You couldn’t stop smiling as he said funny things to you, or even when he didn’t say something that entertaining; you just loved his company so much, that you enjoyed every second you spent with him. Around twenty minutes later you got to your destination and he opened the door to the café for you, then you found a nice table near the window. You both ordered hot chocolate as you continued with your conversation.
“Do you wanna go watch a movie tomorrow? They’re projecting a Marvel movie,” YangYang asked as he gave you a little additional information.
You smiled, even though you honestly disliked these movies, but you only watched them so that you could spend time with YangYang. You’ve watched every single Marvel movie, since your best friend was obsessed with them for some reason.
“Of course, I’m so excited!”
“Great, I’ll book the movie tickets now,” YangYang said with a wide smile on his face, as he unlocked his phone and typed the website’s name to book the tickets.
“Um, Yangie,” you hesitantly started speaking, not knowing if you should continue your sentence.
“Yeah?” He asked, not looking away from his phone.
“I’m going home this weekend, in my hometown. Do you wanna go with me?” You suggested, even though you felt a little shy to be inviting your childhood friend in your house and have the same sleepovers you used to.
“Really? That would be amazing!” Fortunately, he seemed really happy to hear your idea. “Your parents are also going to be there, right?” After you nodded, he continued speaking. “Can you tell your mom to please prepare my favorite cream cheese muffins for her special guest?” He looked at you with pleading eyes you could never say no to.
“Hey, YangYang! Do you only care about food?” You scolded him, as you playfully hit his arm.
“This is my main priority, yes.” He answered, matching your energy. “But you take the second place, you’re the second most important thing to me other than food.”
He looked at you and for a moment you forgot how to breathe. You were looking at his eyes, getting lost again and again; it felt like you were getting out of the trance he put you on, only to fall deeper the next time you looked at him.
“Are you okay?”
His voice showed concern, but his face had a unreadable look; not worried, but also not calm. It was like he knew exactly how he made you feel.
“Uh, yes, sorry, I just zoned out for a second,” you explained as you avoided his gaze. “I’m gonna call my mom later and ask her to prepare the muffins,” you informed him, as you took a sip from your hot chocolate.
“You know I don’t really care, right? I just want to be with you,” he admitted, as you coughed when you heard that. “Are you alright? First you zoned out, now you can’t drink your hot chocolate… So my theory must be true,” he said with a content tone and you looked at him in surprise.
“What theory?” You asked as you continued coughing until you were okay.
“Never mind. Just be careful next time.”
You nodded as you silently took another sip, trying to avoid his eyes.
Around an hour later it was time for you to leave, so you went back to the dorms. He smiled and waved at you, and after you waved back, you finally entered the room you and Yeji shared. You closed the door as you rested your back on it, breathing loudly. Your heart was beating fast and you wanted to make sure you’ve calmed down before you greet Yeji. Now you were absolutely sure you were in love with your childhood best friend and that fact made you quite nervous. You never felt that way before and you weren’t even sure if he felt the same way about you. But despite your worries, you smiled widely before knowing it. You felt like you couldn’t even control your emotions and it made you very confused. You slowly went to your room, then you left your bag on your chair and you took a step towards your bed and you just laid on it for a minute, staring at the ceiling, trying to stop thinking about YangYang, but it was more difficult than you expected.
“What’s wrong? Didn’t the date with YangYang go well?” She teased you and you turned to look at her, rolling your eyes with annoyance.
“It was nice, except it weren’t a date,” you corrected her, sighing loudly. “But why is my heart being like that?” you whispered, putting your head on your heart as you kept looking at the ceiling with concentration, as if you expected to find all the answers of your questions there.
“Maybe because you wanted it to be a date?”
You decided to ignore her, but then she spoke again.
“Look at me, the ceiling won’t talk to you like I can,” Yeji reminded you as you looked at her discontentedly.
“Yes, but it also won’t make fun of me like you do.”
“Look, I’m sorry. I just find it amazing that you’re finally interested in somebody,” she said, as she smiled excitedly.
“You could have stopped after ‘sorry’, you know?” You shot her another annoyed look and she raised her eyebrows as if to say she didn’t care. “Never mind, I’m going to take a shower.”
⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯
“And people ask me how
Well you’re the reason why
I'm dancing in the mirror and singing in the shower”
As you felt the hot water running down your body, you felt a wave of calmness washing over you. Your mind kept going back to thoughts of YangYang and your incredible day with him, as well as the excitement of going home together with him. It was something you wished for so many years, just having him back with you, the two of you together in your room, playing Plants vs. Zombies or Mortal Kombat, some of your favorite PC games back at the time, when you both were around 10 years old.
Without realizing it, you started singing a random song you’ve heard in school today that somehow happened to be a romantic one, matching perfectly with your good mood and your feelings for your childhood friend. Around half an hour later, you got out of the shower and wrapped a towel around your body. Then you took the hairdryer and stood in front of the mirror, drying your hair, but you felt so energetic and happy that you started dancing in front of the mirror. You were holding the hairdryer and you were moving your body randomly, keeping a smile on your face, even though that way drying your hair took much longer time than usual.
When you finally turned the hairdryer off, you noticed Yeji standing in the doorway of your room, looking at you with a wide smile. You rolled your eyes at her for the millionth time today, realizing she may have witnessed at least a part of your dancing in front of the mirror. She giggled, but you decided to act as if nothing out of the ordinary happened, as if you were always that cheerful.
“Why are you laughing?” You asked, as you put the hairdryer back in its place.
“Someone has a crush,” Yeji almost sang that sentence. “I’ve never heard you singing in the shower and seen you dancing in front of the mirror before… Is it really possible that YangYang is the reason behind all that? Could he have changed your usual grumpiness into cheerfulness?”
“What do you mean? I’m the same as usual,” you denied all her claims coolly, sounding credible enough, since you weren’t such an inexperienced liar; you couldn’t say the same for your love life though – you really lacked experience in that part, knowing that calling yourself a “dater” would be factually incorrect.
“Yeah, okay. But if things between you really do work out, I want to be the first one you’re going to share the news with! You’re gonna tell it to Jeno, Jaemin, Renjun and Haechan later,” Yeji stated, as you were looking at her with confusion.
“Calm down, there won’t be any news to tell,” you laughed as you quietly went back to your shared room.
But the part of you that you tried hard to suppress, really hoped you were wrong.
⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯
“All I want, all I need is your lovin'
Baby you make me hot like an oven
Since you came you know what I've discovered
Baby I don't need me another”
The next day was Friday, the day you would come back home together with YangYang, being there with him for the first time in many years. A few days ago you’ve told your mother about reuniting with him and to say she was ecstatic would have been an understatement; she felt as if she was welcoming her second child who has been away for a long time, so she wanted to make sure everything was perfect for him. She even cleaned your room since you weren’t there to do so and its usual state was beyond messy; definitely not the best place to show to such an important and dear guest.
You couldn’t wait to go, but before that, you had classes that seemed endless to you; time seemed to be passing too slowly and for a moment you even thought about suggesting YangYang to skip school today, but your good girl reputation prevented you from doing so.
When the professor said his last words for today, concluding the lecture, you took your backpack. You had put your stuff in it a few minutes ago, while the professor was explaining something about an exam or an “extremely important” group project; you weren’t sure, since you weren’t listening after all. You took out the little mirror you kept in your bag to make sure you looked alright. You tried to comb your hair with your fingers, then you applied a new layer of your favorite pink lipstick; you took so much time with your make up today, even though you usually didn’t wear a lot. When you were ready, you ran to the exit of the auditorium, as YangYang was already waiting in front of it.
“You might need to turn Yeji down,” he said, as you raised your eyebrows questioningly. “The group assignment Mr. Lee mentioned, groups of two are also allowed, so you’re with me.”
So this was what you missed as you were too busy putting your stuff in your backpack in order to be able to leave as early as possible. You smiled at him when you heard his words that made a warm feeling blossom in your body.
“Are we ready to go? All I need is in my backpack, so I don’t need to go back to the dorms, unless you want to.”
“I’m also ready. Let’s go,” he smiled, taking your hand and leading you to the exit of the university.
As you were walking next to him, your hand in his, you felt your heart beating unusually fast; but instead of this making you feel nervous, you felt the same warm feeling spreading through your whole body and this time, you were ready to let go and have fun, without holding back anymore.
“So we have a bus in 15 minutes,” you informed him, as you looked at your phone.
“A bus?” He asked before he stopped walking and you stopped looking at the phone and noticed an expensive black car parked in the university parking. “Why don’t we take a ride in my car?” He leaned on it, tapping the roof softly.
“This car is yours? I can’t believe it, you’ve really grown up, Yangie,” you said with a disbelieving voice in order to tease him, but you still sat next to the driver’s seat in his car, as he has opened the door for you before getting on himself. “Even though I’m a few months older than you, I still don’t have my driver’s license, but I’m working on it,” you said with a discontented tone. You were nervous about driving and when you were stressed, you couldn’t do well so you were trying to get your driver’s license for quite some time now.
“You can do it,” he encouraged you with his usual cheerful tone, holding his fist in the air for a second as a sign of encouragement, as he started the car and left the university parking.
* * *
When you were finally in front of your house, you quickly got off the car as you started jumping around with excitement. He smiled at you as he also got off and when the both of you took your backpacks from the car, you rang the bell of your house. A few seconds later your mom opened the door, welcoming you with warm hugs and her usual good mood, as well as a wide smile.
“Wow, I haven’t been here for such a long time,” YangYang mentioned, as he kept looking around. “Wait, what is this smell? It’s amazing!”
“Oh, it’s the muffins,” she smiled again. “By the way, Yangie, you’ve grown so tall! And my little Y/N is still the same as before, she didn’t really grow up a lot,” your mom teased you,
“Hey, you’re shorter than me, so you aren’t allowed to make fun of me!” You playfully scolded your mom, as you sighed in annoyance.
“But you like girls shorter than you, right, YangYang?” Your mom asked your childhood best friend and you wanted the ground to swallow you up right now since you were so ashamed.
You knew she was only asking this since she shipped you and YangYang romantically ever since you two met. She was truly scared for you not to end up single, while you were living your life, rejecting every guy that tried to flirt with you, especially because they weren’t YangYang. You perfectly understood your own feelings so you knew that you didn’t need and didn’t really want a relationship if it wasn’t with him.
“Actually, yeah, I really like girls like that,” YangYang smiled confidently, looking at you. “They are adorable,” he looked away and only then you could breathe. “And they make me feel tall even though I’m not,” he laughed, as your mother was looking at him with pure adoration in her eyes.
“Ah, you’d be such a perfect son in law! Handsome, good mannered, with a good height and you also know a lot of languages, just like my Y/N! I’m honestly so jealous of your future mother in law,” your mom continued to make you want to disappear and you were on the verge of just taking YangYang’s hand and leading him somewhere far away from that house.
“Believe me, you do not need to worry about that,” YangYang said as he kept smiling at your mom.
Even though you didn’t know what he meant, you really wanted to take him somewhere else, where he wouldn’t be able to talk to your mom.
“Dad is still at work, right? Please ask him to buy iced tea and tell us to come when dinner is ready, see you later,” without waiting for your mom to answer, you took YangYang’s hand and led him upstairs and then into your room.
He was looking around as if he was visiting a foreign place he has never been to before.
“You changed your room color…” He said as he touched the wall. “Baby pink suited you though. Also your curtains are different. I liked the old ones with teddy bears on them, but these are fine too. And the bed… It’s seems suitable for more than one person,” he kept commenting the details about your room, but this time his tone was different, and his look was honestly making you nervous. “Have you invited many guys here, Y/N? In this room, on this bed?”
His question made you choke on air; you were looking at him with shock written all over your face.
“W-why would I…”
You wanted to be honest with him, but then realized that this would probably make you look so boring to him.
“It’s not your business.” You quickly answered, sitting on your chair.
“Ah, my innocent Y/N… I guess I’m the only guy who is not a family member that has been to your room,” he continued teasing you as you glared at him warningly.
“That’s not true! Jaemin, Jeno, Haechan and Renjun have been here too!” You quickly denied his claims.
“Yeah, but I doubt you felt something for any of them.”
You stayed silent for a few seconds before deciding to change the topic.
“Do you wanna play Plants Vs. Zombies?” You suddenly asked.
“Of course! Let’s go!” He answered enthusiastically, seating on the chair next to yours.
It was a whole miracle how you could change the atmosphere and his demeanor just by mentioning a PC game. You started playing and suddenly he was the same old YangYang you knew and loved.
“Plant a sunflower, quickly!” You said, as you were looking at your laptop’s screen.
He did as you said, waiting to get another sun so we could buy another plant.
“Quickly, the zombies are coming!” You were clapping excitedly, looking at your childhood friend play the game you used to play all the time when you were kids.
You were so happy that you got closer to him without realizing.
“You’re making me nervous by staying so close to me,” he confessed, giggling softly.
“A-ah, s-sorry,” you quickly apologized as you moved away from him.
When you decided to take a break from the game, you offered him to watch a movie and he agreed, laying on your bed and you reluctantly laid next to him, trying not to get too close to him. You opened Netflix on your TV and the two of you took some time to choose a movie.
⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯
“No, no all I know (know)
Only you got me feelin' so (so)
And you know that I have to have ya
And I don't plan to let you go”
You haven’t watched the movie even halfway when he pressed the pause button.
“I can’t do this anymore,” he said, sighing deeply as if he had something that caused him a great amount of stress.
“Do what?” You asked him worriedly.
Was he sick? Was he bored? You thought of so many different things that you could have done which could have irritated him.
“Pretend that everything between us is still the same. Pretend I don’t want to kiss you right now.”
Your eyes widened with shock when you heard his confession, but before you could say anything, he continued talking.
“We’re not kids anymore, Y/N. And I think we did change through all these years. It’s our chemistry that’s still the same. Tell me that you’re feeling it too,” he was talking in a husky voice which made you imagine things you thought you shouldn’t.
YangYang looked at your eyes hesitatingly, then at your lips, or at least that’s what you thought you saw him looking at, even though for you, it didn’t make any sense for him to be looking there, even after hearing him say he wanted to kiss you. You felt as if that whole situation was just a dream and nothing that happened was going to affect reality in any way. But as you were busy overanalyzing things as usual, you felt a strange, yet addicting sensation. As your eyes were still open, you looked at YangYang who was kissing you. You couldn’t believe that was happening, but you quickly closed your eyes, enjoying his lips on yours. Your heart was beating fast as you tried to remember this sweet feeling, savouring the taste of his lips. When he moved away, you slowly opened your eyes, looking at his with confusion, yet with trust. You were sure that whatever was going to happen, you were safe and happy with him.
“I- You… Uh, did you like that?”
You nervously nodded, as you were wondering what to say.
“Great, I did too. Does that mean you like me back?” YangYang wanted to check in with you, before officially asking you the last question he wanted to ask ever since he realized who you were back in the canteen that day.
“You’re so special to me, YangYang. I like you a lot,” you confessed, feeling a little shy, but still trying to keep his eyes on him, because you thought he deserved to know exactly how you felt about him without finding out how nervous you actually were. “By the way, that was my first kiss and I’m so happy it was with you,” you looked at him adoringly.
“Really? That’s so cute!” He exclaimed with a sweet smile. “So you’re sure you haven’t kissed anyone from your friends group?”
“Actually I kissed Jaemin and Jeno on the cheek once at a party because of a dare. And on the same night Haechan and I got so drunk that we almost kissed, but our friends stopped us before we ‘unlock a whole another relationship’, as they said.”
YangYang sighed with annoyance before mustering up the courage to ask you the most important question.
“Do you want to be like… Uh, you know?”
You were looking at him with confusion written all over your face.
“You sound just like Mark, he’s a friend of mine who’s one year older than us,” you teased him, since you really found his nervousness to be cute.
“Come on, you know what I’m trying to say,” he tried to avoid saying it out loud, but you weren’t going to let him do that.
“Do I know, Yangie? How can I know if you haven’t said it yet?”
“You went from a shy girl to a smug girl in just a second,” he mumbled with discontent.
“But you’re the same! You were teasing me earlier and now you sound like Mark Lee!” You complained.
“Who is Mark Lee?” YangYang asked even though he didn’t really insist on knowing; he just wanted to postpone asking his main question for as long as possible.
“That Mark guy I told you about! Are you even listening to me?”
“Should I be jealous of him?” He pouted as he was waiting for your answer.
“Maybe you should,” you continued provoking him in order for him to properly ask you what he wanted to.
“Come on! Aren’t your four handsome guy friends enough people to be jealous of? When I see how you’re looking at Yeji, sometimes I’m jealous of her too! I also can’t stand it when Haechan looks at you as if he has so many improper thoughts. Or when Jeno and Jaemin ask you if you have eaten. Or when Renjun is smiling at you and laughing at your jokes! Ah, I hate it so much that I want to punch-“
You interrupted YangYang with a kiss.
“My answer is yes.”
“You’re going to be my girlfriend?” He asked, hoping you would agree.
“No, I’ve never heard you ask that,” you crossed your arms, smiling at him playfully.
“You’re going to be my girlfriend because I said so~,” he almost sang that sentence, as he decided to make sure you were incapable to refuse by suddenly making you fall on your bed as he trapped your body under his.
“No, I’m not going to do it~,” you answered in the same tone, as you tried to flip him over, so that you could be on top of him.
But when he noticed what you were trying to do, he caught your wrist and kissed your lips deeply, making you forget everything else. In that moment you relaxed under his touch feeling safer than ever. You kissed him back with the same lust as his, as your fingers threaded through his fluffy hair. You continued passionately kissing each other for a few minutes, taking very short breaks to breathe, since you both missed each other’s lips too much to stay separated even for a few seconds that felt like an eternity for you.
But when you heard a knock on your door, YangYang quickly got off you and he sat on the bed innocently, as you followed his example. You quickly fixed his hair which was quite messy because you were running your fingers through it all the time.
“Y-you can come in,” you said with a voice that was a little distorted, while you were trying to normalize your heavy breathing.
When you said that, the door opened and your dad came in.
“Hi, Y/N. Here’s the iced tea,” he said, giving you the bottle of iced tea which you contentedly took from his hands and left on the ground. “YangYang, it’s great to see you again,” he smiled and YangYang smiled back. “Dinner is ready, so you can come downstairs,” your dad said and you nodded synchronously. Then he turned around and walked out the door, closing it.
YangYang got up from your bed as he gave you his hand, which you took. He kept holding your hand as you were walking down the stairs.
“I guess your parents are really going to have the best son-in-law,” YangYang said and as soon as you realized he was talking about himself, you hit his arm as you laughed.
You were finally truly happy again; you felt having YangYang by your side meant that nothing was impossible and all your dreams could come true, just like the seemingly unrealistic dream of having him back while you were longing for him all these years. It turns out your long wait was absolutely worth it and now that he was here with you again, you weren’t going to let him go.
82 notes · View notes
asfearlessasamango · 3 years ago
Note
✨🥰👌🏻
omg hi!! okay i’m just gonna do atla fics for this one
✨ A fic you wish you could read again for the first time
this is a gift (it comes with a price) by @a-witch-in-endor. ugh... ugh.... oeugh... oh my.... so so good. the bits you didn't fully get at the beginning... the spirit world mechanics... yue... the MEANING of it all....
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🥰 A fic that gives you warm fuzzy feelings
while mighty oaks do fall by a witch in endor AGAIN, omg. i did not realize the same person wrote both?? how on earth?? but this is one-- even tho it isn't the fluffy lovey romance or slice of life that i think this question may have been expecting-- makes me feel fuzzy because it's just so zuko. he's done so well here. and i'm so fond of my BOY. and i love how much time and attention and detailed effort was put into constructing the background of the fire nation and the fire sages. i just love this au. chefs kiss.
👌🏼 A fic someone else recommended to you
the firebender's guide to living life after destiny by @volkswagonblues.
tbh i saw this one around a LOT but i did that thing where you see a popular thing be popular and that like... anti-recommends it to you? like this post. but then i did read it and ya know what, that sexy mischievous tale do be a sexy and mischievous tale after all.
i really like it because this fic feels very.... like a slightly adult-er, atla version of a book you would read as a kid. like the mysterious benedict society. the plot is romping and has a clear plan for where it's headed, and a mysterious twist, and complications that make the reader go oh no, i'm sure everything will be okay, but how are they gonna get out of THIS one? it's not too long (wading thru unnecessary emotional flailing) or too short (not having anything to express). the stakes are high yet you don't ever feel painfully stressed. author mentioned that some things were cut for time somewhere and i was like HAHA YES! good plotting! the background is fantasy yet well thought out, and it treats the reader as intelligent. it really felt like the type of book that you would fall in love with as a strange and precocious eight year old who wanted an adventure but was going to sit alone at the kitchen table throughout their mom's party. the author also put in so much research and philosophy and references and told you about them at the end, and developed some more material in the cultural background of the show, and that felt similar to how i write even fanfic, and i was like spiderman meme! veerrryy nice. in conclusion, excellent bedtime story.
*also sorry it took me so long to get to this ask rip rip
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alliterative-albatross · 4 years ago
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So, I sent you (@disgruntledspacedad) a pretty long ask a while ago (back when you had anon on) and I'm decently sure Tumblr ate it (or maybe you ignored it, in which case, feel free to ignore this one as well). But then I saw one of those "writers appreciate feedback no matter how long" posts, so I'm back here. Here is my mediocre attempt to rewrite my original review of your work. Bear in mind that English is not my first language, so if at any point my phrasing sounds weird to you, you know why. Mandatory disclaimer/apology: this might get a little too long 😅
RULES OF ENGAGEMENT
I remember being SO mad at myself for not finding this sooner. I binge read it one afternoon with no thoughts for any real life responsibilities I might have had (and no regrets). Javiears is one hell of an unconventional relationship in the beginning, and I really love what you did with them. The whole premise of your story is quite refreshing, and you somehow manage to convey the trust and mutual respect there two feel for one another without explicitly showing us the beginning of their "entanglement".
Also, fuck you for what you did to poor Emilio, that man was a saint and he deserved better! I honestly can't believe that I got so attached to a character that appeared so little in the story, but it happened, and his death kind of broke my heart.
But the Javiears reunion + mild confession was lovely, and felt completely deserved. And of course the sex scene. I won't lie, I expected a bit better from Javi there, but I did like how utterly /human/ it was. Capturing that humanity, the imperfections in each character is something you're really good at (more on that later).
AFTERSHOCKS
Ah, my emotionally constipated babies who really need to work out their communication issues. I do love them, though. And this short series did a really good job of delving a bit deeper into Ears's and Javi's psyche. Kudos to you for dealing with the medical "aftershocks" of living through an explosion AND using that experience to move your emotional plot forward. These two need to grow a lot before they can get to a stable point in their relationship, and you really manage to convey their insecurity and fear of commitment/intimacy while making it clear that they're in it for the long run and that theirs is a relationship that WILL work out so help them God.
IF I FALL
Ouch. Punch me in the gut while you're at it, why don't you?
But seriously, "If I Fall" is SO FUCKING GOOD. Don't get me wrong, it's angstier than an image of Jesus on the cross (don't judge me, it's Holy Week and I just got home from accompanying my grandma to church), but it somehow works beautifully. You, my dear, play heartstrings like they're a fucking guitar and I AM HERE FOR IT.
You're doing an amazing job at making me feel everything these characters are feeling, which is both awful (bc pain) and impressive.
Also, if anything happens to Ana I will cry, because she is adorable and wonderful and has suffered way too much already and really deserves a break and some cookies.
Also also, if anything happens to Ears I will cry, because she is badass and wonderful and has suffered way too much already and really deserves a break and some cookies.
Also also also, if anything happens to Javi I will cry, because he is loving and wonderful and has suffered way too much already and really deserves a break and some cookies.
Basically, I am really invested in the well-being of these characters and can't wait until they're happy and safe again (please tell me they will be, my heart can't handle much more pain).
A quick note on the angst complaints: yes, this story is way angstier than most other fics out there and it can be a bit too much at times, especially considering how many chapters of pain it's been. BUT it's obvious that "If I Fall" NEEDS this amount of angst to get where it's going, to send the message it wants to and to properly develop its characters. The pain is as important to this story as flour is to bread. You may not like eating flour on its own (I don't think anyone does), but you love bread (because bread is amazing) and you must recognize that bread NEEDS flour to work. It wouldn't be bread otherwise. And eating the flour as part of the bread even makes you like the flour because the bread is just DELICIOUS.
I fully understand and sympathize with the people who have elected to table "If I Fall" until it's completed so they can binge read it knowing there's a happy ending in sight, but in case you're feeling a bit self conscious about all the angst, please know that your story is beautiful not in spite of the pain, but rather /because of it/.
PS: No, I'm not high/drunk, I just really like bread
AUTHOR'S NOTES
Silly thing to comment on, I know, but I do feel like it's important that you know how useful your ANs have been. There are many details in the story that I simply wouldn't fully get without reading your comments at the end of each chapter, and I appreciate your writing a hell of a lot more knowing how deeply you understand and care for each one of your characters. Plus, it is obvious how much work you've put into researching a country and a time period that are (from what I gather) unfamiliar to you, and I really do believe you've done an amazing job of it.
JAVIER PEÑA
My boy. I love your characterization of this complicated character, and I have eagerly read each and every one of your headcanons about him. I can't really say if your version is fully faithful to the source material because it's been a while since I saw Narcos, but your Javi most definitely reads like a real person. He's fairly consistent as a character, and I feel like everything he does is perfectly natural for him to do as a character. He makes for an unconventional yet deeply interesting romantic lead, and so far I have thoroughly enjoyed all his POV chapters/scenes.
OCs
I know you've gotten some flack for making her into an OC halfway into the story, and while I get why the sudden change may have felt like a disappointment for some, I don't share that sentiment. I firmly believe that this fandom is unfairly harsh towards Original Characters and their creators, and I don't really understand why. Listen, I love Reader fics, and consume many Reader fics. I have read dozens, maybe even hundreds, and I can safely say that I've only ever "inserted" myself in approximately 10% of those stories. Reader characters are not as blank as their writers may want them to be. They can't be. They're characters, and character have personalities and moral values and senses of humor and a bunch of other things. Reader characters may not have a backstory or a physical description attached (and even that's not guaranteed), but they're still characters.
And on a more personal note, pretending they're actual blank slates is naive at best and insensitive at worst. Reader characters are American coded 99% of the time, and white coded 95% of the time. Not every readers is white nor American, even if that's the predominant demographic on Tumblr. When I read a JavixReader fic about a woman who speaks exactly zero Spanish, I know she's not me. The story may be beautifully written and have an amazing plot and character development, but the Reader *isn't me*. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that, and some of my favorite xReader stories feature a "reader" who couldn't be more different from me, but it's something that enemies of OC fics should take into account. Particularly if they are white and/or American. But I digress.
HANNAH AARONS
Your character is amazing. She's strong, smart, confident, independent and an all-around badass. She gets kidnapped while pregnant and still focuses on problem solving and survival. But she's also overly guarded and mistrustful, and really needs to work on her communication skills. There are times when I absolutely love her and even admire her, and other times when I want to whack her with a slipper. She's no Mary Sue, but remains interesting and likeable throughout the story. She feels wholly human and real, and that's no easy task. I like her, I am invested in her, and I can't wait to see what's next for her. She's a compelling and three dimensional protagonist in a complex story who never fails to draw me in. I love her. She's your baby, and you should be proud of her.
Also, quick question about personality types: I know you've typed Javi as ESFP and Ears as ENTP (100% agree on both, btw), but have you given any thought to their enneagram types? I personally have always seen Ears as being somewhere on the thinking triad, maybe a 7 or even a 6w7, but I'm not too sure about Javi. 9w8 maybe? He could also be a 6w5 🤔
PARTING THOUGHTS
Basically, I love your story, your characters and your writing in general. You are a fantastic storyteller and wordsmith. You get into the heads of incredibly different characters personality-wise (Ears, Javi, Berna...) and manage to capture all of their complexities and quirks every single time. And it doesn't feel like it's something innate for you either. To me, it seems that you have put a lot of work and effort into understanding each and every one of your characters, who they are, why they do what they do and what they want. And let me tell you, all that effort has been more than worth it. "Better Love" is a fanfic, but it wouldn't be out of place in a regular bookstore, if I'm honest. I don't know what you do for a living or if you've ever considered writing professionally, but you clearly have the skills and the drive to create some masterpieces.
You are amazing and your writing is a gift. Thank you for sharing it with us, and have a nice day! ~ 🍪
~
My friend, I apologize for hoarding your first ask. I’ve been sitting on it because I’m not gonna lie, I enjoy going back and rereading it. It gave me a lot of comfort when I was in a pretty dark place, both personally and in regards to my writing, and I was reluctant to send it out into the the abyss of Tumblr where I might never see it again. 
That’s not fair, though. You put just as much effort into sending me that review as I put into my writing, and I apologize for never responding to you.
Okay, anyway, so twice now, you’ve made me cry. In a good way, I promise! 
I absolutely love your bread/flour metaphor. It made perfect sense. I want the emotional release of Javi and Hannah’s reunion to be earned, and in order to do that, the angst has to come first (there are also a few plot “ingredients” that have yet to make their appearances). Thank you very much for understanding that, and for voicing it so eloquently.
I appreciate your comments on my research and characterization. You’re correct that I’ve put a lot of time and effort into crafting a universe. In a lot of ways, I’m doing my best to stay true to the source material (regarding culture and timelines in particular), and in others, I’m branching into my own territory. 
On that note, I’ve never once regretted fully embracing Hannah Aarons’ identity as an OC. She’s stayed consistent in my mind from the beginning, and it was a relief to finally share my vision of her with the audience. And for the record, I totally agree with you regarding “reader” characters. Every reader insert echoes the perspective of their author, no matter how vague the physical description. I can only imagine how grating that must be from the perspective of a non-white, non-american reader. Thank you so much for sharing your insight! I will certainly keep it in mind the next time I write a “reader insert” fic.
Okay, enneagrams! I am much less familiar with enneagram than I am MBTI, but I agree 110% that Javi is a 9 with a strong 8 wing. I waffled back and forth on Ears a little, but eventually landed on 8w7 for her. It came down to the eight’s deepest fear, which is being controlled. That’s Ears all over, and the fact that she and Javi share that eight willfulness means that they might butt heads a little, which also seems very appropriate for them. Big thanks to @remusstark for her insight into the eight frame of mind - our conversations helped solidify my decision on this. :)
Anyway, I’m just rambling now. The big take-away point that I want you to get is that I am so, so grateful to you, both for your insightful feedback and your dedication in making sure that I actually saw it. You are an absolute gem and a deep thinker, Cookie-Anon, and if you ever feel like sliding into my DM’s, I’d welcome the opportunity to get to know you better.
Mad love and soft hugs, 
~ Jay
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fatechica · 5 years ago
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You don't need to post this on your blog or anything, I just hope you don't feel pressured to change how you write because of recent drama. I say ignore those people. If they don't like it, if they jump to ridiculous conclusions, that's their problem. Your writing is good, and the people who read it will know it's good, and the people who know you know you are good.
Anon, first of all, thank you for the kind words about my writing and thank you for giving me an out with regards to answering this publicly. I appreciate both so much and thank you so much for your kindness and consideration.
That said, I’m going to do the ill-advised thing and wade into this. Not because I desperately want to, but because there are things I need to say that I think should be part of this discussion. 
A NOTE BEFORE I BEGIN:
While I welcome honest debate about the nuances of this general topic, I will not engage in dishonest, hostile attacks. I am not afraid to turn off all anons and continue on Tumblr mostly as I have been: as someone who primarily reblogs gifsets and graphics and occasionally posts links to my fanfic. I cannot be bullied off this platform - in fact, I will not. I have been around for too long to let people hiding behind the safety of anonymity dictate to me what is and is not allowed.
It is not up to anyone here but me what my level of involvement is in this fandom and in this space and no one has the right to decide for me. Go ahead and block me from seeing your content directly if that’s what you want (if that’s even possible - I never know with Tumblr sometimes). But I exist on Tumblr for reasons other than Stranger Things (weird, I know, considering that’s all I reblog) and my self-worth isn’t tied up in this platform. So, with that said….
To start, to say that I am disappointed in what I saw today in the Stranger Things fandom is a massive understatement. Regardless of what caused this - regardless of your opinion on what is, essentially, a gray area (as in an area that not everyone agrees about the definitions of) - ganging up on and bullying people is completely unacceptable. If you can’t see why that’s wrong, then I don’t know what to tell you.
Fandom should be a space where everyone feels like they have a place. Not the same place that you have or I have. But if they want to participate in their own corner, there should be somewhere they can look at and go “yes, that is where I can be”. And this is regardless of what that might look like.
For example, I hate the Harringrove ship. Like with a passion. I think it’s incredibly disrespectful to Steve’s character and I cannot understand the leaps of logic required to turn Billy’s storyline into something worth redeeming. I think it’s also incredibly exploitative of gay relationships and it squicks me out to no end.
Does that mean, however, that I don’t want people who do ship them to have somewhere to go? Of course not! People have a right to engage in a piece of fiction however they choose (because, at the end of the day, it’s fiction and the characters on the page literally aren’t physically harmed). And it’s not up to me to say what isn’t allowed.
But, conversely, I don’t have to see it if I don’t want to. No one can force me to read Harringrove fic or engage in Harringrove posts on tumblr. But, here’s the thing: I’m responsible for curating my own fandom experience. Which is why I filter out the Harringrove tag on AO3 and block the Harringrove tag on Tumblr.
I would never, however, go the Harringrove tag or find a popular Harringrove blog and harass them. Even if I think it’s wrong. Even if I think their ship is exploitative. I would never try to drive people out of a fandom because their experience doesn’t mirror mine, because they get enjoyment out of something differently than I do.
But, that’s about a ship portrayed by actors who are of age. Which is where the very gray area in what happened today comes into play.
I think we can all reasonably agree (even though I know there’s some people who won’t) that explicit material about characters portrayed by underage actors is wrong. And, when I say explicit, I mean play-by-play, detailed descriptions of sexual acts.
Some people will disagree with me. That’s fine. I literally cannot stop anyone from having their own opinion about fictional characters.
(I know some people will argue that it’s different when they’re aged up and they’re imagining different people as older versions of the characters, but that’s between you and your conscience. And, like with Harringrove, I just don’t wanna read it at all. Nor do I want to write it.)
But there is a massive difference between writing about exploring healthy, emotional intimacy (which often includes suggestions of physical intimacy since a lot of, though not all, relationships are made up of both) and writing smut meant to titillate.
The first is character-driven, diving in and showing how people form healthy relationships. The second is just exploitative.
The first is about coming-of-age when you’re in love and you don’t know how to handle everything and you’re figuring it out as you go. The second is about shock and arousal.
The first is about balancing the emotional and the physical, about trust and respect and love, about how it feels to be head-over-heels in love with someone; it’s about how we grow and mature and set healthy boundaries. The second is about pornography and that’s it.
The first sometimes includes hints of sensuality and suggestions of more. The second is only about the physical and nothing else.
(And, yes, I’m aware there is a whole sub-genre of “Porn with Feelings”, but this fandom has not really embraced that as a sub-genre so it’s not worth mentioning.)
Now, like I said, we can all pretty much agree that the second one is wrong. 
But the first one? That’s up to your comfort level. It’s up to you to decide where that line is.
You don’t want to read fiction about older teenagers navigating relationships, which often includes dealing with their own sexuality? Well, then, the back button is your friend.
You think anyone who suggests that something physical happens between teenagers means that the author is imagining those very teenagers having sex? Well, then, that’s you projecting onto that author. You don’t know what went through that author’s head when they wrote it.
If you think that everyone who writes anything or suggests anything intimate about characters who are played by underage actors are immediately imagining those characters played by those actors having sex, then you are no better than the people you’re accusing of imagining that very thing. Because guess what?
Now you’re imagining it, too.
I have to say, it takes a lot of nerve to go into someone’s writing and tell that author what they were thinking when they wrote it. I know once a piece of fiction is released into the world, the author loses the ability to control how it’s interpreted, but authorial intent IS A REAL FUCKING THING and NO ONE is allowed to dictate to an author what he or she was thinking when they wrote it.
Because unless you’re a mind reader, you have no goddamn clue what that author was thinking. And if you get offended by what you’re reading then, like I said, the back button is your friend.
Which brings me to the final thing I want to say at the end of this very long essay: we have got to stop gatekeeping in this fandom.
Believe me when I say that gatekeeping and purity trolling in all forms has led to the downfall of many fandoms and fandom communities (see: ALL OF LIVEJOURNAL). I’ve been there - I’ve watched it happen. There is literally no better way to stifle creativity and fandom growth by dictating what is and is not allowed in harsh, black and white terms.
So, if we want to have a healthy fandom where open discourse is allowed, where people can share their interpretations of the characters and explore what must be going through their heads as real people growing up might be experiencing, if we want to make this a place where people feel included for years to come, if we want to have a space where people can create and post and share, WE NEED TO STOP DOING THIS.
Learn to agree to disagree. Learn that some people have different boundaries of acceptable and appropriate than you. Learn that most people do not approach sensitive topics from a place of exploitation and titillation.
I’ve long been concerned that we aren’t mature enough as a fandom to handle nuanced discussions like the one that didn’t happen today.
To be perfectly honest, I don’t have a lot of hope for this fandom if things continue on the way they are. And, though I’m not going anywhere for the time being, I hope that I’m proven wrong. I hope we can learn the difference between inappropriate and uncomfortable; I hope we can learn how to have nuanced, respectful discussions where we disagree and separate to our own corners to experience fandom how we want to experience fandom.
I hope that we can figure out how to grow up as a community.
But absolutely nothing I saw today tells me we’ll be able to do that.
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ganymedesclock · 6 years ago
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I don't understand the permanent lion switch theory. Why do the characters need to grow into roles other teammates can already fullfill perfectly? and why are Pidge and Hunk excluded from such "important development"?
Honestly I’m not surprised Pidge and Hunk are left out?
Again, I feel like it’s less a support of the first switch formation and more this sort of… elevating Shiro’s importance to the team, but also not accepting that Shiro is also if anything ludicrously overqualified to be Black Paladin.
With regards to Keith: people want him to be black paladin because they want to view him as “the main hero”, and the idea is that Black is the “most special”
I feel like there’s some irony to the mentality because it basically frames Shiro and Black the same way- their actual qualities don’t matter. What matters is that Keith (or Lance) are good, have good qualities, and deserve recognition, and that recognition should be given to them no matter how Black or Shiro would feel about it, or even what Keith / Lance are shown in-universe to want.
With Lance, and Blue, there’s a particular angle to it that tangles in with Blue’s role as the Heart. Even within Voltron itself as a franchise, most continuities put Allura in the Blue Lion. And as much as I’ve heard many people complain that Lance “deserves better” than the Blue Lion, it’s comparatively almost unheard of for people to gripe about Allura being “shackled” to the Blue Lion even though they frame Lance deserving better as Blue being dead-end worthless drudgery.
Because the Heart- characters similar to VLD Lance- are often sorted into two categories. Both are looked down upon- emotional labor, empathy, and supporting the team are not seen as valuable heroic exertions, and they’re virtually always framed as coming at the cost of the person themselves- because obviously you’d never want to support other people if you could put your all-important self first, even when that self is being adequately tended to.
A female character in the role of the Heart is just seen as this is where she ought to be. It’s effectively considered a pink-collar job, and you can look at in the real world what’s considered “women’s work”. Of course she’s tirelessly going to tend to her team, of course she’s never going to pursue anything important for herself (when that sacrifice of self is not actually remotely necessary) of course she’s going to be the doe-eyed loving supportive figure, she’s a girl, that’s what girls do, live for all of the men around them, right?
Conversely a male character in the role of the Heart? Is seen as an absolute joke for the most part. Isn’t it funny he’s so weak-willed and sympathetic, isn’t it funny he’s not aggressive and macho, god he’s so pathetic. But don’t worry, though, since he’s supposed to want better than this lame old Heart job, he’ll inevitably “grow up” to be tough in a stereotypically macho way, even if this character development is completely at odds with everything else about who he is as a person.
At best, getting the character development that actually befits him as the Heart, you can count on him to be unaccepted until he proves he gained something from it in a sufficiently “manly” proactive manner.
The thing is, a lot of the tropes around the Heart aren’t remotely actually necessary to the role, and a well-written Heart character either deconstructs them or simply does entirely without them. There is no rule that emotional labor is the level that people stoop to when they aren’t man enough to chase their personal objectives. The role of the Heart is where we, as a society, dump our garbage- all of the hangups about this womanish kind of heroism- and the misogyny that says “well if WOMEN do it, it can’t be valuable!” and “real men don’t cry, what are you, a GIRL?”
It’s worth noting that the cry to take Lance away from the Blue Lion is probably the loudest and most passionate- Shiro, Pidge and Hunk are completely ignored for this (there’s basically no discussion where Shiro should go except “not in the Black Lion, because we need that for Lance!”) because their roles are very standard. 
Here’s the brainy one, here’s the brawny one, here’s the Leader, and there’s his Right Hand, we don’t complain about these things. Because we’ve already been conditioned through just about any five-man team show to consider those four the important ones, and Shiro the most important of all. When canon already can be viewed as “tempting” us with the possibility of Keith “surpassing” Shiro and stealing his important leader spotlight, it’s just understandable people salivate over that possibility- because we all know only the Leader will actually get the biggest slice of heroism at the end.
But the heart? There’s a reason TVTropes dismissively calls that role “The Chick”. Just look at that name for it- “oh, the designated girl, they threw her in there just because they had to have a girl so people wouldn’t complain about their sexism, so she can, y’know, stand out of the way and look pretty. Maybe we can give her a dainty little weapon and let her do some fighting but not that much. When the Leader is having his real, manly problems she’ll drop all of her petty girl issues to run over and support him.”
This is not what’s in VLD. But it’s in the cultural lens that we’ve been led to look to these kind of shows. It’s why, even in absence of canon support, people assume Shiro asserts so much more control and influence over the team- to the point of how many fanfics assume if Shiro disliked Lance, that Shiro could turn the whole team against Lance rather than the team would kick him to the curb, as we literally saw happen in motion with our secondary Voltron team, Sincline, and how Lotor vs. Narti ultimately ended. The generals gathered around the fallen Narti, and Lotor was simply cut from the team, without particular effort or fanfare. The hardest thing for the generals was feeling bad about it.
But Shiro and Lotor, they’re Leaders, so they have to be inherently stronger than their whole team, inherently in charge- except they aren’t.
People likewise assume that just pointing out Keith’s strength and intelligence mean that he should be the Leader- the idea is that he’s too competent to be a Right Hand, because every position besides the head is perceived as settling for less. (And Hunk- a fat black man, and Pidge- a young quite-possibly-written-as-trans girl with choppy hair, outside of occasional token “no, THEY should be the special one! I’m so revolutionary in praising them without thinking about them instead of insulting them without thinking about them!” largely are simply accepted that of course they’re settling, they’re lesser people)
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Here’s the thing about Lance in VLD. None of that applies to him.
Lance has never been characterized as a weak-willed doormat. Nor has he been characterized as settling for less, or less thought of than his peers.
In fact, the roles that are shown to diminish Lance and leave him unhappy… are the stereotypically “manly” roles people would logically propose as a “fix” for Lance being “stuck” as the Heart.
Lance’s attempted James Bond impression is what makes Allura frustrated at him- while in s3, when, with growing confidence, Lance is his sincere, sweet self- that’s when Allura starts responding positively, starts telling him that he has “greatness” within him. That’s when he unlocks the Altean sword (sword from a planet of diplomats, awakened in a flare of blue light)
Lance taking Keith’s position at the Garrison features him being reminded he’s only here because Keith couldn’t be, and him blowing off the importance of the job, him acting at his pettiest. In contrast, in the same episode with no time for character development, Blue is framed as, from the start, choosing him first, ignoring everyone else there to stare only at Lance when nobody else is “taken” much less knowing there’s a Lion fitting for them… and Lance immediately settles comfortably into place.
Lance’s response to being chosen for Red is to first refuse it, try to pass it off to someone else, and then, when he does go for it, he comes back to grieve his connection with Blue. And Black? We see Lance uncomfortable and stiff in Black’s cockpit, trying to tell himself to feel good, because isn’t this what he wanted? Isn’t it?
People who are fitting where they were always meant to be don’t respond to it by grieving their previous niche, usually. Especially not there’s no particular ‘sweetness’ of “but I have Red now” or “but I wanted Red.” Lance wanted to give up the Red Lion back to Keith with no guarantee Blue would even be waiting for him. That’s a hell of a contrast to Lance yelling at Keith in s2e4 because Keith even said something about the Blue Lion.
Yeah, the wrong-colored armors is a continuity joke, but I can’t believe it’s just a mythology joke. VLD made a genuine commitment to base the characters off of specific colors, meaning that Lance in Red looks awkward. Our inner kindergartener goes “ha ha, no VLD, blue guy doesn’t go in red cat! Blue guy goes in BLUE cat!”
And proponents of Lance in somewhere else are aware of this- they’re very quick to change that armor color. Except canon has in every conceivable way tried to show us that’s not the case. They keep setting up material to frame it, more and more and more, as Lance belongs to Blue. Allura doesn’t have much in common with Blaytz or Ezor… but both of them have an awful lot in common with Lance.
And what are Lance’s good qualities, the things he really excels in?
Lance understands the team, and several times he’s singlehandedly pulled them back from disaster by his ability to read people’s emotions. Kuron? Going to be solved by Lance, is the framing we’ve gotten here. Team needs to connect emotionally? Everybody follow Lance’s lead. Shiro as Black Paladin? Acknowledged first by Lance before they even knew Black existed. Team needs to act out roles that aren’t theirs? Gape in awe of Lance’s absolute mastery of emotions. His nature is putty in his hands.
Compared to other incarnations of Lance that genuinely did write this character as Red Paladin, VLD Lance is noticeably more sober-minded, clearheaded and perceptive. He’ll never actually sacrifice something important for the benefit of a petty grudge. If anything, this is what we see framed as an absolutely jawdropping tactical asset for Lance- VLD is the first one to actually make Lance a sniper, with the clarity and precision of intent that make that useful. He can sweep an entire battlefield, check on all his friends, pick off targets and bottleneck enemies as needed.
Even his success with the Red Lion frames his Blue Paladin cooperation and malleability. Because Lance in Red isn’t driven really by ironclad loyalty the way Keith, Acxa, and Sendak are- Lance hooks onto Keith with “Right now, I’m in your corner, and that means I’m gonna be what you need me. If you need loyal support, I’m there, but if what you actually need is someone loudly reminding you that you left Allura behind, I’m doing that too.”
On the one hand, I’m touched by how much VLD really adores Lance, and loves depicting him as the Heart, and loves emphasizing the Heart’s importance to the team. On the other? I am frankly beyond pissed that I have to aggressively defend Lance in the Blue Lion by emphasizing that he can still do violence onto things in a fight. Yeah, it’s important to let all your characters have a piece of the pie and if your series is an action series that’s gonna mean action scenes, but rather than examine some of our deeply flawed relationship with gender and how much that serves as background radiation to anything we see as “womanish” and why, exactly, do we see Lance’s job as less valuable if it “seems feminine”, it feels too much like we’re wasting time trying to prove Lance is enough of a real man he can rock this “girly” job.
I think the whole “Lion swap should stick / they should push it further and never go back to original formation” if anything sets itself up to be breathtakingly meta because I feel like it’s ultimately rooted in not thinking through any of the roles very much. Because if you just look at them shallowly, Blue and Yellow sound the least “Cool” the way our culture frames things (again, the whole devaluing of support / prioritizing individual victory- if you’re not actively selfishly taking for yourself, you must not be doing anything for yourself).
Green sounds a little better, and Red sounds cooler (“Right Hand!” plus the self-satisfying narrative of “well, when Zarkon went bad, Alfor was the one who Defied Him” ignoring that all four paladins did, and Alfor was merely the more visible thanks to his connection with Allura and with Voltron- ignoring that it was almost definitely one of the other three, and likely Blaytz, that gave Zarkon that scar), but Black Lion, oh, that’s the best one, right?
So just grab whatever character you like best and stuff them into the Black Lion. This is how you appreciate a character! You want best character to get best lion. Now nobody can question how much you love them, even if you would be hard-pressed to actively identify what are their good qualities and how they align with Black’s explicitly stated qualities.
I’m not saying nobody who supports Black Paladin Lance thinks about it that much, but that the premise feels so congratulatory when it’s actually quite patronizing (it basically hinges on the idea that the Blue Lion can’t have recognized and mirrored any of Lance’s good qualities and the Lion that chose him first was basically putting up with him because he wasn’t her best fit and if Lance really belonged to Blue that’d make him a total loser) can help explain why its appeal is so widespread.
Especially when it feels like every time Lance says something in an authoritative tone people go “oh my gosh, Black Paladin Lance!” like… I was not aware that being Black Paladin hinged on only one virtue and that was your ability to angrily yell things. Last time I checked fandom was quite cross with Shiro’s authoritative yelling.
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cedarmoons · 6 years ago
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Not an ask meme question tbh but it's something I really wanted to ask because I admire your writing (ditto to video's writing if they see this (hello btw)!): how did you get over your fear to post writing things on tumblr? Sharing my writing scares me so much that I don't really write outta fear. I miss it a ton so I wanna start again & share with folk but the idea is scary. How do you do it?
First of all, thank you!! I’m so glad you like my writing! :’)
Second, I would say tumblr is a fucking terrible platform for writing, though some fandoms (dragon age) are way better about reblogging/supporting their fanfic writers than others (the arcana). I’d highly recommend posting to ao3, because ao3, while the arcana fandom isn’t necessarily active on there either, it has an infrastructure built to support and nurture writers!! I want you to get as much support as you can, anon!
But to get to your question as to how I get over my fear to post my writing on tumblr: 
I’m a massive hoe!
more writing advice under the cut :)
I think the mantra “don’t write for others write for yourself uwu” is, to a certain extent, complete bullshit. Sure, I love writing my stories and sure, I love my characters, but I also want other people to love my characters and read about them. I want other people to want to read about them and their stories. So what do I do?
I keep writing, and I keep posting, and eventually people will start to notice. It can get really discouraging at first; my first arcana stuff on tumblr got, like, 3 notes. I seriously considered leaving the arcana and going back to the same solas hell I’d been in for the past three years until @4biddenleeches fuckin’ reblogged one of my oneshots and added a whole paragraph of nice comments in the tags AND commented on ao3!! She saved my arcana fandom life!! She’s the real MVP yall, without her I would have written like 3 things for the arcana and that would’ve been it.
So that’s my answer: I’m a hoe, and I want people to read my stuff. Writing fanfic isn’t fun for me if I don’t get to share my work w/ others and I don’t know that other ppl are enjoying my work alongside me.
But I am curious as to your reasons as to why you’re afraid to post to tumblr. I can think of a couple reasons why this might be, though I don’t know your reasons specifically. So, I’m going to be using a fictitious presumption that you want to write Nadia and/or Asra-centric fic for the Arcana fandom as opposed to fic for the Dragon Age fandom.
Is it because you think no one will read it? 
First of all, if this is the case, TAG ME, 🅱️LEASE, I WANT TO READ UR STUFF!! (esp. if it’s nadia or asra content... feed me... i’m starving)
In all seriousness, this is a totally understandable concern. This partially feeds into how hostile tumblr as a platform is for fanfiction and other writing, but it can often feel like your work is being ignored, especially if you’re in the Nadia or Asra tag and your beautiful fanfiction keeps being drowned out by meme posts about how Julian is disaster hottie husband material (I’m joking but really people please stop putting Julian-only stuff in Nadia & Asra’s tags, we know u want notes but pls we’re starving!!). 
But there’s a whole complexity that goes into posts that show up or get attention, including whether or not there’s external links, formatting, length, etc. It really just takes a lot of tinkering to find that “fit” or to decide that you don’t care, which is also a valid take.
The only advice I have for this would be to keep writing. The more content you put out there into the void, the more likely you’re to be noticed, to get feedback, and to gain a following. @kauriart has an excellent tumblr-fanfic-centric advice post here. And if worst comes to worst, if you tag me, I’ll read your work and possibly shove it in all of my friends’s faces!!
Is it because you don’t think your work is up to snuff? 
Again, I would continue to encourage you to keep writing. The best way to improve is to practice. I hated my Asra characterization in my first few chapters of handle with care, and now he comes very naturally to me, because I’ve written like,,, 100,000+ words about him ://// press f for respects re: my wrists
Also, keep in mind that you are always, always your own worst critic! What you may think is absolute garbage may be what someone else thinks is 24-karat gold! If you really hate a piece you’ve worked on, that’s totally fine -- shove it on a google doc somewhere (DON’T DELETE! There may be lines or paragraphs you like & that you can cannibalize for later work! Internet space is infinite!) and start again, thinking about what you can do different, how you could improve what you’ve already written, etc.
There may be another reason you’re afraid to post your work on tumblr, in which case I invite you to send me another ask so I can give you advice, or even send me an IM! But my advice mostly bubbles down to this: keep trucking along. good things come to those who wait. your dues will come; the forest always knows what it owes. :)
last but not least: pray to aphrodite, patron goddess of fanfiction. she will not lead you astray, sweet writer.
(if u post anything u better tag me anon 🔪)
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meerly-writing · 4 years ago
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Alright, you make excellent points on how to improve as a writer. But, I think you're bashing fanfiction too much without considering how genuinely useful, flexible, and creative it is as a medium for writers. Here's a few reasons why I believe reading and writing fanfic is great:
1. Fanfic is an EXCELLENT way to focus on polishing specific skills.
Want to improve prose? Retell your favorite scene. Try to imitate different author's voices. (This is similar to artists drawing in different styles.) Want to work on character creation? Set characters in your favorite story. Worldbuilding? Alternate Universe fic. Distinctive character voices? Write your favorite characters having an argument.
Precisely BECAUSE fanfic is based on using another frame, you can isolate the things you want to work on and improve them.
Also, fanfic is a GREAT PLACE to get experimental and write things publishers might not be into. I know right now novellas and short stories aren't being published as often unless they're in collections and written by previously successful novelists, but fanfic websites are perfectly receptive to these.
2. People enjoy writing fanfic. It isn't just something ppl settle for because they're not good enough.
Fanfic is a form of love, and I say that with 100% seriousness. Almost every author I love and follow from VE Schwab to Noelle Stevenson to Victoria Aveyard have openly talked about the fanfic they write. It's very common for writers to feel compelled to share their love for something by, well, writing about it.
There are many fic writers who are happy to hone their craft in fanfic, and publish full length trilogies and novels for only a handful of kudos in dead fandoms beause, ultimately, it's about the writing for them, not the likes.
3. All fiction is a remix of all your experiences and reading.
So I agree with your point that people should read more, but I disagree that it's bad to only read fanfic. I've read advice from script writers who say "Don't bother reading books. Make sure to consume lots of TV" and advice from published authors who say "Never watch TV, always read." And BOTH are good advice. If you want to write sitcom scripts, watch sitcoms. If you want to write sci fi books, read sci fi. If you want to write fanfic, read fanfic.
Reading to improve as a writer is all about picking up on patterns, consciously deciding what works and what doesn't. If a fanfic makes you feel something, take note of how. If a fanfic fails to effect you, take note of why.
Read what you want to write, and read with a critical eye.
4. Fanfic can be a safe place for new writers (if you're careful with how you navigate the Internet.)
Everyone starts somewhere, and, if you manage to find the right people to cheer you on as you grow as a writer, that's a good thing.
I never would have finished my first book if my friends and family hadn't been along for the ride to tell me it was worth doing even as it was Horrible. For people who don't have that support system, fanfic is a place you might find it (again, with care.)
5. Fanfiction has been successful beyond the Internet.
Think of every retelling of a Shakespearen play (my personal favorite being Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead.) Of the musical Wicked based on the book which was fanfic of The Wizard of Oz. TV adaptations of books whose scripts were written by fans of the work (Lord of the Rings, Series of Unfortunate Events being two notably successful adaptations, one which greatly deviated from the source material and the other which closely followed it.) Historical fiction is a whole genre of fanfic of primary sources.
HOWEVER, EVEN IF a fanfic is bad and unsuccessful, why should we care if a 12 yr old or a 31 yr old compares their unpolished first fanfic to Hamlet? Shakespeare is not going to roll in his grave and die again. We should let new writers call themselves writers. I want more stories from everyone!
Ultimately, for as long as there have been stories, there have been retellings. Both are great skills to have. If someone wants both or only one, that's up to them, but it doesn't make one less than the other.
Retellings are great for fixing cishetnormative stories, adding POC, and generally taking a world that was unwelcome to you and making it your own. Meanwhile, original stories are a great way for making the change you want to see. Both are empowering and wonderful to read.
Tl;dr Fanfiction is good, actually. And I'd even recommend it as something to keep in your toolset if you want to improve as a writer.
(This essay was brought to you by your local writer minoring in Creative Writing. To those of y'all who are isolated from other writers for any reason, it is very strange to me that fanfic is often placed in opposition to original fic because MANY of the writers I know write both. The writing club I joined before COVID even workshopped fanfic brought in by members. And it was like workshopping any other piece.)
(Also the point about white people dominating fanfic is probably true. Not because fanfic is a white thing, but because white people dominate writing in general. I was one of like two POC out of 8-12 (it fluctuated from meeting to meeting) in the writing club I joined. I didn't start actively seeking out LGBT and POC authors until I got to college. It's been much easier for me to find LGBT and POC fanfic authors than published authors.)
EDITED FOR CLARITY ON OCTOBER 21st 2020
Wait, now I do want to get a little mean. I’ve been very nice and understanding, if not a bit firmer than many of you indoor kids are used to, but that was my mistake. I keep coming at this thinking I’ll be able to change the minds of fully grown people who refuse to accept they’re not the best at everything. I keep trying to reason with people who refuse to analyze stories, woobify genocidal fascists (fictional and real…), and people who genuinely believe that fiction has no effect on reality. I cannot reason with stupidity; I can’t teach people that don’t want to be taught.
So, here’s the thing—fanfiction is good practice, it’s a fun and cute hobby, it’s relaxing, and just about everyone likes to imagine their favorite characters from their favorite pieces of media in different situations. It’s nice! I myself have written tons of fanfiction, and I still do write fanfiction even while criticizing it.
Keep reading
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davidmann95 · 7 years ago
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Have you read The Metropolitan Man? I don't know what's your policy on fanfiction but it's a "realistic" take on Superman arriving in the 30s.
Haven’t read that one - looking over it briefly it seems pretty damn depressing, though I suppose that’s kind of the point. I’ll probably check it out sometime.
I’m definitely down for fanfiction, but there’s precious little with Superman I’m into - when I occasionally think of Superman fanfic I hope “cool, maybe there’s finally some cool cosmic adventure stuff in here given the comics so rarely go there, or some really insightful character observations of the kind writers too sparsely touch on!” and then it ends up being 7000 pages on a powerless high-school aged Clark’s torrid affair with Jason Todd behind Congorilla’s back or something. But keeping my eyes open, there’ve definitely been some over the years that worked for me:
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* Superboy: A great little moment of growth for a young Clark Kent in a short animated comic by @jordangibson.
* All In A Day’s Work: Good chance you saw this floating around on Tumblr awhile back, this is another really great little short comic by Tom Gimlin and Marcellis Wentz, on the weight of the job.
* Superman’s Story: Opposite Number: An excellent short piece by @spectralspices based on an idea he was nice enough to bounce off me, as Superman goes up against a pair of challenges unusual even for him - one comedic, one very much not.
* Pop-Drama: Superman: I don’t know how much this really qualifies as fanfic in the traditional sense - it’s a broad story proposal by @andrewhickeywriter on an ‘end point’ for Superman - but it’s damn fun and satisfying. There’s also a follow-up article where he elaborates on a major plot point.
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* Superman Lives: Another short comic, this time by Joe Otis Costello and Des Taylor, where the Superman of 1938 is beamed in a fight with Brainiac into the world of 2014, and Lois Lane naturally gets the exclusive interview with the returned hero, the story being presented in magazine format. The characterizations may or may not work for you - parts do for me, others not - but it’s an interesting exercise nonetheless, and Des Taylor’s work is absolutely gorgeous.
* @ck1blogs: Clark Kent’s reasonably infamous Twitter account. He is not good at the internet, or humans.
* @filmcriticsuperman: Less well-known than its cousin ck1, which is a shame; unlike most “Film Critic X” feeds, it’s actually…well, really good, courtesy of @charlotteofoz. It maintains the voice throughout and perfectly, and while half the feed is indeed movie reviews - always through the filter of Superman - the other half is just Superman talking about his day, and while it was coming out it was probably the best ongoing Superman material of the last several years. If starting at the beginning of the feed to get a feel for it seems too ominous, worth it though it may be, a good sample would be the more traditional short story she did connected to it, a Superman Halloween spooktacular by the name of Yellowfire.
* Kosmograd Blues: A short story by The Quantum Thief and Invisible Planets author Hannu Rajaniemi focused on a Russian Superman analog, it’s a beautifully written, somber story of a superman who’s long since lost what made his own life worthwhile, but knows he still has a job to do. This was to be one part of a series of superhero short stories set in a larger world he had built - he wrote a little more about the details of it once - but to my knowledge this was all that ever came out of it.
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* Kahlil: An ongoing webcomic by Kumail Rizvi in which the last son of Krypton landed in Karachi; it’s been awhile since I last checked in on it, but I recall it being very good, with some spectacular artwork making the few moments thus far of super-ness really pop.
* Superman vs. The Universe: A spiritual cousin to Joe Keatinge’s Strange Visitor, this is the story of an all-powerful Superman at the end of time looking back on his existence as he prepares for his last duty; the prose is stilted in places, but there are enough great ideas and emotional moments in here to make it more than worth your time.
* Repairing The World: I’ll admit some bias up front since the author’s a friend of mine, but starlightify’s DCU series of fanfics - largely centered around Superman and Batman - are a lot of fun, very funny and heartfelt. Some good samplers with Superman would be Salutation and Canidae.
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* Silver Age Superman: I’ve never gotten my hands on this semi-legendary bootleg 1990 comic by Ed Pinsent and Mark Robinson, but the likes of Al Ewing and phenomenal comics critic Colin Smith have both declared this comic - starring by my understanding perhaps the most alienated version of its title character ever - among their absolute favorite Superman stories, and their word is more than good enough for me; if you see it out in the wild, I’d absolutely say pick it up. And grab a copy for me, would ya?
* Luthor’s Gift/Starwinds Howl: Bizarre as it is to list any Superman work of Elliot S! Maggin’s as fanfiction when he’s one of the characters’ most beloved writers, I suppose that is what these two stories count as given that they’ve only ever been published online and maybe in a fanzine or two to my knowledge rather than with DC’s official sanction, and they’re absolutely of a piece with his novels Last Son of Krypton and Miracle Monday. The latter is his take on how Krypto arrived on Earth; the former shows how Superman finally left Earth around the end of the 21st century the way he often hinted at in his other works.
* Tales of Smallville: Near as I can tell, I’m the only person on the face of the Earth - other than maybe Elliot Maggin, who endorsed these stories himself - who’s aware that on the site supermanthrutheages, Samuel Hawkins posted a series of 4 Superboy stories; him revealing himself to the world, his first big adventure with the Legion of Superheroes, a memorable dinner with a guest, and Martha Kent on her deathbed. On these stories, I know two things. 1. Posterity will unquestionably not validate him. It’s a handful of Silver/Bronze-Age Superboy fanfics on an out-of-the-way fansite, no one will remember them. And 2. He is a Morrison/Ennis/Maggin-tier Superman writer. If I have ever written anything in my life on Superman that you’ve agreed on, for the love of god at least read Martha’s Story, it might honestly be my favorite Superman story other than All-Star.
So along with those recommendations, I do have to throw a request on top: I vaguely recall having once read a short story somewhere online years ago about a Superman-type hero found in a field as an infant by farmers - one’s an alcoholic and one sleeps around, but they clean up their acts for the sake of the kid. He grows up to become a superhero and occasionally fights a Lex Luthorish scientist with an appropriately alliterative name who accuses him of impeding societal progress. Eventually, the hero flies off into space once everyone he knows dies, returning occasionally to Earth as he feels drawn back, to defend it, or rule it, or just wander it in obscurity; his longest and last stay is when he falls in love with a woman who he meets at a restaurant, when she’s the first in all those thousands of years to make apple pie as good as his mother’s. Eventually, he lives to the end of the universe, where he finds himself rocketing back through time and de-aging, crash-landing in a field and completing the time-loop. If anyone could point me in a direction towards it, it’d be very much appreciated; I don’t even recall if it’s any good, but I’ve been trying to find it for years and it’s the principle of the thing at this point.
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forkanna · 7 years ago
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NOTICE: Scott Pilgrim and related characters are ©Bryan Lee O'Malley. Story/plot content is © me!
Based mostly off the graphic novels but some stuff from the movie and game. There are other Kim/Knives fics but I haven't read them; I wanted to come at this completely based on the source material. Any similarities to those fics is purely coincidental.
Rated M for adult topics (including one brief not-quite-explicit flashback with a 17-year-old), and some sexual content in later chapters. You know, the L word. No, not "lesbian" — the OTHER L word: lesbians.
"... It's something else" - flyafar
I know this one kind of comes from nowhere, but I've actually been wanting to do something in the Pilgrimverse for a long time. Ever since I first saw the movie in theaters. Then a couple of weeks back, I was playing through the game again out of boredom (trying to get some elusive achievements) and I just felt this strong impulse to give Kim and Knives the ending they deserved.
If you haven't read the comics but HAVE seen the movie, I wouldn't be surprised if you view this as a crackship. It still kind of is in the comics to be honest! But don't worry, you don't have to read them to enjoy this fic; I'll cover what happened in later chapters. Plus a lot of little surprises that make up my take on them.
Hope you like this one! It's about medium-length for me, definitely no oneshot but in total it's not even as long as "Bind Us" is so far. And it's only getting started!
Jessex
[AO3 LINK]
CHAPTER ONE
And so, as our band of ragtag heroes exited from the Chaos Theater, Scott Pilgrim was reunited with his great love - well, other than himself. He and Ramona Flowers, the random American rollerblading groupie, went prancing off into Subspace together. Happily fucking ever after.
Both "fucking happily" and "happily fucking", to be honest.
What did I get? The same thing as usual. Nothing. Bitterness and emptiness. Well, I guess that's not completely accurate: Scott said he was sorry. Too little, too late, but hey… at least he tried. A for Effort. He gets Ramona, Stephen gets my old roommate, Wallace gets just about every piece of hot gay ass in Toronto besides Joseph and Stephen. Knives and Young Neil get each other, sort of, kind of. I guess. Who cares? And I'm left with a big bag of nothing.
I'm not Scott, obviously. I'm Kim. I play drums. That's all the introduction you get.
Fine, I'll be nice. You came here for this story, so I'll tell you the rest of the history first. Kim Pine. Red hair and freckles, pointless existence. Born and raised in Ontario, though I've skipped from town to town. Scorpio. My turn-ons are death and destruction, and long walks on the beach.
If you don't know any of the history, then you're probably better off. It's a long, sad story full of sighs and facepalms. But some of you probably have that morbid curiosity you can't shake, so unless you already know this and can skip it, or just care even less than me, here we go: I used to play drums for Sex Bob-omb with Scott and Stephen. Also of importance is the fact that Scott left a string of broken hearts in his wake a kilometer and a half long, with mine thrown in there somewhere. Just because he and I patched it up enough to be civil didn't mean we were "all good", but I sure as fuck wasn't going to be the one to explain it to the manchild. Anyway, we all thought for sure that Knives and Ramona were just going to be his latest casualties, or one of them would Yoko him into quitting the band. And we were right about that last part; the band fell apart, but at least not in a literal sense like The Clash At Demonhead, when their bassist was headbutted into coins and the drummer lost her cybernetic arm before disappearing completely. Not too long after the big showdown with Gideon at the Chaos, Ramona and Scott poofed into the ether and haven't been heard from since.
There, happy?
Anyway, this takes place a year after all that went down.
                                                            ~ o ~
I don't even know why I was still in Toronto. After Sex Bob-omb exploded and Shatter Band shattered, there really wasn't much else for me to do. Boredom, maybe. At least Stephen was still around, making music with his boyfriend, but they didn't seem to need my drums anymore. Dynamite Headdy sounds better without me. Sure, there are days I still miss Sex Bob-omb. Not so much Shatter Band, which stank on ice. But the Bob-omb had potential, we just had Scott's lack of focus holding us back, and Stephen's too-much-focus sucking all the fun out of everything. So maybe, over the course of this paragraph, I talked myself out of missing either of those bands.
Anyway. Toronto, Delicious Cup.
Nobody wants to hear a drummer all by themselves. So I started doing this thing with Steph Nordegraf after she moved back to Toronto. Stephen introduced us; I'd met her through her brother Neil before though. It's… experimental and stupid, and I hate it. I'm on bongos while she sings and plays the zither. We sound like new age music being recorded by kindergartner, which is why we couldn't book any real coffee houses, like Second Cup or Aroma; only knockoffs like that one.
That's what we were doing in Delicious Cup the day my life stopped being pointless and colourless. So colourless that I didn't even fully realise it was summer until I saw Knives Chau walk in.
"What are you doing?" Steph hissed at me. Didn't even notice my bongos were on the floor until that point.
"What?"
"You went totally dead, like some kind of locust."
"Do locusts go dead? Is that their thing?"
"Just…" She sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. "We'll take five."
Frowning up at her, I slipped my bongos into the backpack I normally kept them in. "Chill, Nordegraf. You're going to develop kidney stones."
Okay, so that wasn't really her fault; I was being my usual salty self to cover for the fact that I fucked up our set. Not that anyone in the coffee house was paying the slightest attention to the two weirdos who thought they were musicians; they were all chatting, drinking, and reading through magazines. When one of our ten-minute epics ended, one polite older woman clapped. That was it. We might as well have been ghosts for all the notice we got coming and going.
As I ditched her with the equipment and went up to the counter, slipping in behind Knives in line, I tried not to think too much. Sure, we had a thing once… it's barely worth mentioning. But yeah, it was oddly nice to see a familiar face. Especially with Scott and Ramona off in the ether somewhere.
She looked good. At least, I thought so; she stopped doing that thing where she dyed part of her hair, which I always thought was just a way to compete for Pilgrim's attention, anyway. And a year of college really seemed to have given her something… not that I could tell what it was, but something more. Her adorable face was turned mostly away from me, so I couldn't tell much else. Just that she was wearing clothes a little more grown up than when I last saw her, and that she didn't seem as nervously-excited. That's a good thing: I hate excitable people.
"Green milktea?" she asked when she got up to the counter.
"What… is that?" Julie asked her. "This is a coffee house, not a tea house." Typical Julie. Yeah, I knew the barista, but we don't really talk. She's even more unpleasant than I am.
"Oh… but you have green tea and chai tea on the menu. Right there."
Julie didn't even bother to look over her shoulder. "I think I would know the menu better than you would."
"But I'm serious, it's right-"
"Do you have a problem with the way this business operates? Are you blind or something?"
"No, I'm not blind," Knives said, slowly sounding a little less sure of herself. "My eyes work fine."
"Then why can't you read my lips? No. Milk. Tea."
This was going nowhere. Even though this wasn't how I wanted to reinitiate contact with either of them again, I strode up to the counter and stood next to Knives.
"If you have milk, and you have tea, you can make her fucking milktea. Besides, you know her, so stop being such a rotting tampon."
"What?" Knives breathed, taking an instinctive step away — probably just from my tone.
"Excuse me, carrot top?" Julie snapped. "You don't tell me how to-"
"And you don't own this café, Powers, even if you do seem to work in all of them. Just make the drink. I'll cover whatever extra you want to charge." Digging into my pocket for my meager amount of money that I own, I produced a couple of toonies. "Make it. Now."
"This isn't even enough for a normal cappuccino, or whatever a 'milktea' is supposed to be."
"She can pay for the actual tea herself; I'm just paying for your added mental energy, which you seem to be rationing very carefully due to a tremendous shortage."
By that point, Julie's glasses were literally steaming. Either from her face heating up with rage, or the coffee machines behind her. Knives had been shrinking away from the whole confrontation, but then she blinked a few times, leaning back toward us.
"Kim?"
My cheeks probably would have turned red at the way she breathed my name. What a dumb reaction. But I made myself focus on what I was doing, stepping forward to add another fiver atop the coins on the counter. "And this is for my espresso. Hurry it the fuck up or I'll do that ask-to-see-a-manager thing we all hate." My work done, I turned and went back over to Steph.
It only took her a minute or so to see that I was back without any drinks. "What happened to my soy latte?"
"Sorry…" All at once, I realised I forgot about that. Or about waiting around for my own drink, either. But she noticed I was out of sorts.
"What happened?"
"To what, your face? I've been wondering that for years."
"No, at the counter." She was used to my attitude by now, and could tell when I was deflecting. A skill I loathe in my friends, because it bypasses my defenses. "You look all shook up."
"Thanks, Elvis." Clearly, she wasn't going to let this go. "Okay… I ran into somebody. From the old days."
Her lip curled slightly. "From the Pilgrim Era, or like even earlier?" My face must have said it all because she winced. "Yikes…"
"I don't care," I told her flatly. "This doesn't matter. Tomorrow, I'm going to wake up and go back to No-Account, punch the clock, and stare into space for six hours until Comeau gets in. Probably drink a bunch of Coke and feel myself contracting diabetes."
"Why don't you just drink Coke Zero?"
My scowl said enough. Still, for good measure, I snapped, "Never… mention Coke Zero… in front of me."
"Okay, Hagrid," she snorted as she finished packing up and we headed for the door. Again, she doesn't respect my grumpiness properly. "But I hope you know this isn't the end of thi-"
Before we could escape Delicious Cup, a pair of crossed blades were blocking our path. Behind their gleaming steel was a pair of dark eyes, blazing with intensity.
"I can't let you leave."
                                                  To Be Continued…
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knaveofmogadore · 4 years ago
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Good enough encouragement to me!
So in the broadest terms a dead dove/bloody dove/dead dove do not eat fic is a fanfic that goes beyond the rating of canon in a way that's not exclusively sexually explicit. It can have sexual content but doesn't have to, typically has gore elements, and usually at least one person dies. Not all of them have bad ends but a happy ending is more of a subversion than the norm. Dead Dove is usually an au, but it can also expand on mentioned canon elements beyond the original scope depending on what kind of story you're writing fic for. Common themes are abuse and general injury. Dead Dove Do Not Eat refers to the general nature of the fic: it's unappetizing to the average consumer, don't expect good things.
What a dead dove is NOT is Bad Faith AUs, ie holocaust/slavery AUs (gross), or AUs written explicitly for porn without plot.
So how I personally rate whether something is DD comes down to four things: Rating, Ships, Focus, and Sexual Content Balance, which is sort of the same thing. I don't think DD has to end a specific way, and how appealing it is to the general fandom depends more on the source material's marketing group and vibe than the genre itself, so I don't judge it by that.
Rating: DD for me either has to be a higher rating than general canon, or expand on parts of canon that are exceptions rather than the norm. In a book series where gore becomes expected after a couple books, DD can fit the rating in canon but still need to be marked higher as common curtesy and still counts. Common courtesy asks that you rate it as Mature or Explicit even if its themes would usually rate it at a T, since descriptions/the way things are handled is more mature.
Ships: I'm not diving into general ship discourse because then we'd be here all day. What I'm going to say is this: DD have a specific way of handling relationships we know to be unhealthy that separates it from general ship content. Age gaps and unhealthy dynamics are played straight as they are; abusive and self destructive, non-romantisized. Let's make up Alex and Charlie: Alex is 25 and Charlie is 16 and canon does some funky stuff with their dynamic that makes most fans uncomfortable. A fic that plays it as the manipulative and abusive situation this is (and typically has Charlie end up with someone else if it's long) is Dead Dove. A fic that has them go on an ice cream date is just gross. The difference is if it's romanticized(gross) or played straight(DD).
Sexual Content Balance: fic that's just porn isn't DD. Trauma that comes with a little sex usually is. You want the balance to be themes over sexual content if it's short and plot over sexual content if it's long. Dead Dove is not meant to be sexy or titillating, and if it's written as if it's meant to be, then that's just someone's funky kink and it doesn't count. DD that focuses on sex is meant to be uncomfortable to read.
Focus: So Dead Dove as a genre focuses on
1) Trauma. If there's something brought up and dropped by canon that would have an impact on the character's mental health, there's a dead dove fic about it somewhere. In a series where gore is expected but the medical trauma isn't adressed, a lot more DD fics will have the latter as a theme. People write what they feel is missing.
2) Recovery. People wanna kick the characters around and then watch them get better in a way that's messy and real and probably non-canon.
3) Violence as a plot theme. It can be fun to write in certain stories and it's a novel way of character study there's not much else I can say.
4) Rawness. A good Dead Dove fic picks apart canon's themes and character interactions in a way that leaves you fried but satisfied. A lot of media pulls in something that'd have huge repercussions for the average person only to ignore the aftermath after the danger passes. This can leave people feeling frustrated with the way character dynamics and trauma are handled in stories they otherwise enjoy. This is how you get an entire fic genre that focuses on pain and power dynamics and recovery. Sure part of it is for fun and content, but part of it is also this craving for catharsis. Dead Dove fics want bad feelings that aren't manipulative and cheap.
I feel like I should break down what a "dead dove" au is because it's such an old word that nobody uses anymore but also that's so niche who would care
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