#I just think he deserves to get all gussied up | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

riffheartsgraziella · 3 years ago

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The Jet Couples HC - Breaking Up Is Never Easy

Summary: The Jets face the consequences of their actions.

A/N: A counterpart of sorts to Parting Words.

Warning: Implied references to sexual assault.

Sorella cried when Skink came to her after the rumble, just as she had before he’d left. Perhaps even more so, because the truth was, she had lost him that night, just as she had feared she would. But she hadn’t lost him to a knife or a gun. She’d lost him to his own savagery. Velma and Tessie had called all the girls to tell them what had happened. Grazi was too lost in her own grief to do so, so the other girls had taken up the mantle of responsibility. From what Sorella could gather, the girls’ responses had ranged from horror to shock to fury to grief, but they’d all been in accord about one thing: what they had with their boys was over. “How could ya do this?!” Sorella wailed, hitting his chest as hard as she could. Skink didn’t even put up a fight, just hung his head in shame. “Ella…” “Don’t call me that! Don’t call me that ever again!” Sorella cried, her tears suddenly replaced with white-hot fury. “Get out! I don’t wanna see yer face! Get out!” He turned white as she pushed him towards her bedroom window, though her own expression remained hard as stone. “Please, Ella…” “No,” Sorella replied coldly, closing the window in his face once he was out on the fire escape. She drew the curtain shut tightly so that he couldn’t see her collapse onto the floor, weeping. *

“No! Don’t even think about comin’ in here! Go away!” Dot hissed furiously, barring A-Rab from entering her bedroom from the fire escape. She’d been steeling herself for his arrival ever since receiving the phone call from Velma. When she heard the familiar sound of his footsteps on the ladder, she’d planted herself in her bedroom window to block him. “Dot…” A-Rab began, his face looking more haggard than she had ever seen it. If she hadn’t been so disgusted with him, she would have wanted to hold him close and comfort him as they both grieved the losses of that night. But now she could barely stand to look at him. “Yer an animal! Did ya really think I was gonna let ya in my bed after what yous did?” she spit, shoving him hard in the chest as he came closer to her. She could see his eyes fill with remorse and shame at her words, but it was too late for that now. “I don’t ever wanna see ya again,” Dot said coldly, ignoring the pain in her own chest. “Go away.” “Dot, please!” “Go away,” she repeated firmly, slipping back inside her bedroom and slamming the window shut. It was a long time before she heard the sound of his footsteps disappearing down the fire escape. * Gussie was trying to comfort a weeping Tat when Snowboy and Balkan arrived outside their window. “Tat? Baby, please lemme in,” Balkan begged, tapping on the glass. Tat’s response was to bury her head under her pillow, weeping even harder. Gussie was afraid she was going to make herself sick. Furious, Gussie rose from the bed and opened the window, glaring at the two of them. “She don’t wanna see you! Not ever again!” She flinched away when Snowboy tried to reach out to her. “An’ I don’t wanna see you anymore either! Go away!” Snowboy hung his head, knowing he deserved every bit of Gussie’s anger and more. “Gussie, please let me—” “I don’t want yer explanation! I want ya ta leave!” Gussie exclaimed, her voice rising slightly as she fought the urge to slap him. “Tat! Please, Tat, talk ta me!” Balkan called out, his eyes glued to her sobbing figure. “She don’t wanna—” Gussie was cut off as Tat suddenly sat up and threw her pillow at the window as hard as she could. “Go away! I hate you!” she screamed, her mascara dripping down her cheeks. Even Gussie was taken aback for a moment. She didn’t think she’d ever heard her sweet sister utter those words to anyone. The words clearly had their intended effect, however, as Balkan’s face crumpled. “There ain’t nothin’ we can say…” Snowboy began. “Yer right. There ain’t. Now go,” Gussie told them, her voice like ice as she shut the window and closed the curtain. Sitting back down on the bed, she held Tat in her arms as the two of them cried. *

When Ice crawled through Karen’s window, grieving and in desperate need of her, he was met with a hard slap across the face. “I’m ashamed of ya,” Karen said quietly, her voice deceptively calm as she stared at him with cold eyes. She was trying to keep her voice down for the sake of her family, though all she really wanted to do was scream and throw things at him. “Karen, what we did—” “I know what yous did,” Karen cut him off, stepping back when he tried to come closer to her. “Losin’ Riff wasn’t bad enough? Yous had ta do this?” she demanded, her voice rising slightly. “I know it ain’t right an’—” “Ya coulda stopped ’em,” she said, silencing him. “Yer in charge now that Riff…” She couldn’t finish that sentence as grief choked her. “Ya coulda stopped ’em, but ya let ’em act like a pack o’ animals. Yer all animals. Get out,” Karen whispered harshly, pointing at the window. Devastated, Ice reached out a hand to her, but she withdrew even further, which only shattered his heart more. “Out!” Knowing he had no other choice but to obey her, Ice reluctantly crawled out the window, the sound of the window slamming behind him echoing in his ears long after he had left. * “Are ya happy now? Is this what ya needed ta do ta prove that ya belonged with the Jets?” Sweden demanded, the tears streaming down her face as she stared at Little Moly. “Sweden, can ya just let me explain?” Little Moly asked, reaching out towards her. “Don’t touch me!” Sweden shrieked, stumbling back and falling onto her bed. “Don’t ya dare try ta touch me after what ya did!” she went on, burying her face in her hands. Little Moly lowered his head shamefully, scuffing his sneaker against the floor. He knew there was nothing he could say. “Will ya…will ya ever forgive me?” “I’m not the one ya need ta apologize to,” Sweden said firmly, wiping her tears away as she rose from her bed. “I want ya ta go,” she told him. “Leave.” “Sweden…” “Leave!” She turned her back on him as he slowly climbed out her window, her heart splintering into too many pieces to count. * “I’ve forgiven ya for a lot, but this? How could I forgive ya for this?” Maxie demanded, staring up at Numbers. He couldn’t even meet her eye. “I never thought yous…” She shook her head, unable to even finish the thought as she turned away from him. “Maxie…sweetheart…” Numbers began quietly, reaching out and lightly touching her shoulders. Maxie stiffened immediately and pulled away from him. “I’m not yer sweetheart. Not anymore. I’m done.” She turned to look up at him one more time. “We’re done.” It looked like all the air had deflated out of his chest as he opened his mouth to try to beg her to change her mind. “Gonna beg me ta change my mind the way Grazi begged yous ta stop?” Maxie asked, her voice like ice even as she fought back the tears threatening to spill over. “Get out o’ my room. Leave. Now.” Numbers slowly made his way towards her window, tears glistening in his own eyes. “I’m sorry,” he said quietly before slipping out. Falling onto her bed, Maxie let the tears flow freely. * “I can’t believe ya’d actually come here,” Velma told him in disbelief, shaking her head when he appeared outside her window. He didn’t try to come into her room, so she supposed there was that. “Vel, I need ta talk ta ya,” Mouthpiece begged softly. He was still covered in blood from the rumble, the blood she’d been so concerned about earlier. She had wanted to take care of him then, but now she could barely even look at him. “There’s nothin’ ta say. I saw what yous did, Mouthpiece. I saw it!” Velma cried in a low voice, not wanting her parents to wake up. “Yous were…yous were like savages!” Mouthpiece hung his head, Valentina’s words still bouncing around in his memory with painful clarity. “I know what we did was wrong…” “Do you? Because Grazi was beggin’ yous ta stop before it even began an’ yous threw her out. Ya threw Tessie out. Ya threw me out,” Velma rasped, the pain obvious in her voice. “I know there’s nothin’ I can say that’ll make it okay, Vel…” Mouthpiece said slowly, lifting his head to meet her eyes. “What if the Sharks had done that ta Grazi?” Velma demanded suddenly. Mouthpiece turned white as a sheet, his mouth hanging open. “W-what?” “What if the Sharks had done ta Grazi what yous did ta Anita?” Velma pressed, crossing her arms over her chest. “How would ya feel about that?” Mouthpiece was silent at that, looking ashamed. “That’s what I thought. Now go. I don’t wanna see ya ever again,” Velma said, her voice cracking on the last word. She turned away as she closed the window, unable to look at him as her heart broke in half. * “I don’t understand why yous would do this,” Natalie cried, heartbroken. “Why would you do this? What’s wrong with you?” She whirled away from Big Deal, covering her face with her hands. Big Deal stood rooted in place, silently accepting the words she hurled at him. He wanted to hold her, but he knew she wouldn’t allow that right now. She was looking at him like he was an animal. And maybe he was. “Natalie…” “I’ve never been so disgusted in my life! I don’t even wanna look at ya!” Natalie told him, her back still turned as she wrapped her arms around herself, trying to get the trembling under control. “Ya have every reason ta be mad—” “Oh, I’m more than mad,” Natalie exclaimed, turning back around suddenly. “I’m finished. It’s over. Go find the Jets an’ leave me alone.” “Natalie!” Big Deal responded, instinctively reaching out to her now. She just slapped his hand away. “Go.” Natalie stood in place as Big Deal slowly, sadly, climbed out her bedroom window. “I thought ya were better than this,” she said quietly to his retreating figure. “I guess I was wrong.” * “Baby, please don’t do this,” Action begged, panic welling up in his chest. He’d come home to find Rhonda packing her things into two small bags. Ignoring him, Rhonda lifted the bags and started walking towards the living room of their apartment. His apartment. She couldn’t stay here anymore. “Rhonda, please!” Action called out as he followed her, near tears as he reached out to grab her hand. “Let go o’ me!” Rhonda cried, pulling her hand out of his grasp. “I can’t even stand the sight o’ ya right now!” “I’m sorry, baby, I’m sorry! But please don’t go! Where’re ya gonna stay? Don’t go back ta yer parents’ place,” Action pleaded, concern evident in his eyes. He’d never forgive himself if she went back there because of him. “Oh, so I could go from one man who lays his hands on women ta another?” Rhonda demanded coldly, glaring at him. Her words, comparing Action to her abusive father, shamed him. “I’m stayin’ with Mamie,” she added after a tense moment of silence. Though he didn’t deserve it, she gave him at least that much peace of mind. Turning away from him, she adjusted her grip on her bags and started towards the door again. “I love you, Rhonda. I’m sorry,” Action’s voice followed her, broken and filled with pain. She froze, her heart splintering painfully inside her chest. “How could ya love me an’ do what ya did?” she demanded, turning over her shoulder to gaze at him one more time. “I need ta go. I can’t be around ya right now.” With that, she hurried out of the apartment before anything could change her mind. For the first time in a long time, Rhonda and Action slept apart from one another, both of them weeping for all that had been lost. * “Yer a disgustin’ pig!” Mack cried, throwing the first thing she could grab at Tiger as he came through her window. Ironically, it was a framed photograph of the two of them. He winced as it crashed to the floor. “An animal, ya hear me? Only animals do what yous did!” Mack continued, approaching him now so that she could pound on his chest with her fists. “Mack, I’m sorry,” Tiger said sadly, grabbing onto her wrists to keep her from hitting him anymore. “Please, just let me talk ta ya.” “No, I don’t wanna hear anythin’ ya have ta say! I heard enough from Velma an’ Tessie,” Mack told him angrily, breaking free from his grasp and pounding on his chest a few more times for good measure. The both of them were slightly out of breath when Mack pulled away, putting some distance between them. “Why?” she asked, the anger replaced by sadness and exhaustion. “Why would ya do this?” “I…I don’t know,” Tiger confessed, dropping his head. “Maybe just ta make someone else hurt the way we was hurtin’.” “Well, mission accomplished,” Mack said, her voice strained. “I hope yer happy. Now go. We’re done. I don’t wanna see ya anymore.” “Mack, please don’t—” “I’m not gonna say it again. Go!” Heartbroken, Tiger finally did as Mack said, crawling out her window. He knew he had brought this upon himself, knew he had earned her scorn and anger. But knowing that didn’t stop the pain. * “Baby, please! Please let me in,” Diesel sobbed, knocking on Mamie’s locked bedroom window. He knew she was in there despite the drawn curtain, could hear her just a few feet away from him, so close yet so far. “No!” came Mamie’s tearful reply. “I can’t even look at ya right now!” She was currently lying on her bedroom floor, sobbing into her knees. Diesel could hear Mamie crying and it made his own tears fall even harder. He loved her so much and he knew he had broken her heart. He had broken her trust. He had broken everything that they had. “Mamie, please, let me see ya. I know ya don’t forgive me, but I just gotta see ya!” “No, Diesel! Go away!” Mamie wept, part of her knowing she wouldn’t be strong enough to resist him if she opened the window and saw him. Instead, she just kept thinking about what Velma had tearfully told her on the phone, about how Diesel had roughly grabbed Grazi and locked her out of Doc’s. “I can’t believe what yous did! I feel like I don’t even know you!” Mamie’s words cut Diesel like a knife. “Mamie, I’m sorry. I’m sorry!” “I don’t forgive you!” Mamie cried, her words hurting her own heart as much as they hurt his. “Go away!” Diesel stopped knocking on her window, stopped trying to talk to her, but he stayed out on her fire escape all night. He just needed to be close to her, even if she didn’t want to see him. He sobbed all night long, devastated that he’d lost Riff, Tony, and Mamie all in one night. * Baby John didn’t normally climb up Tessie’s fire escape, considering he lived right across the hall from her, but he did tonight for fear of waking up her father. When he finally arrived outside her window, he found her lying on her bed, crying, and his heart broke even more than it already had. “Tessie?” he called softly, easing the window open gently. Gasping, Tessie sat up on her bed and stared at him, the tears still flowing freely down her cheeks. “What are ya doin’ here?” she demanded, wiping at her face with the backs of her hands. “I needed ta see ya, Tessie,” Baby John said solemnly, tears in his own eyes. “I needed ta say I was sorry.” Everything had happened so fast at Doc’s. One minute they’d been hiding Tony in the basement, then Anybodys had given them the news about Chino, then Anita showed up and all hell broke loose. And now Tony was dead, too. But Baby John couldn’t forget the image of Tessie being thrown onto the street with Grazi and Velma as the Jets had circled Anita like a pack of jackals. “Sorry? Do ya think ya can just say sorry for what yous did?” Tessie asked him tearfully. In all the time she had known them, she had never been afraid of the Jets. She had never been afraid of Johnny. Not until tonight. “Do ya think…do ya think this is what Riff woulda wanted of yous?” Her question pierced his heart and the tears he’d been holding back started falling freely. “No,” he confessed quietly, guilt and shame washing over him. Valentina had been right. They had dishonored their dead. “Go home, Johnny. I can’t…I can’t do this,” Tessie said, her lower lip trembling as she tried to fight off a new wave of tears. Baby John gazed at her, stricken. Had it just been a few hours ago that they’d told each other “I love you” for the first time? How had so much changed since then? “I love you, Tessie,” he told her. He still meant it, even after everything. She just stared back at him sadly. “Go home, Johnny.” Her words were a knife in his own heart. * Graziella lay in her bed, alone. Her grief was all-consuming. Velma and Tessie had tried to stay with her for as long as they could, but she’d finally sent them home. They wanted to help, but they couldn’t bring Riff back. And that was all she wanted. “Riff,” she wept into her pillow, aching at the empty spot beside her. “Oh, Riff.” The ache became even worse when she thought about what the boys had done that night, what they had allowed their grief and their anger and their hatred to do, to turn them into. Her own grief became palpable as she remembered Numbers ignoring her when she demanded he leave Anita alone, Balkan pushing her back when she tried to intervene, Tiger and the others ignoring her protests, Ice refusing to listen to her when she begged him to get them to stop, Diesel grabbing her roughly and throwing her onto the street. “Oh, Riff,” Graziella sobbed, covering her ears as if that could block out the memory of the music blaring on the jukebox as her dearest friends lost a part of their souls. “Oh, Riff, how can I ever forgive them? If ya’d been there, ya never woulda let them—oh, Riff!” Riff was gone. And now so was her last connection to him. She didn’t want to look at them, didn’t want to speak to them. They had broken her heart. One cruel night had stolen everything from her.

#the jets west side story #the jet girls west side story #the jet couples #west side story #west side story 2021 #west side story hc #wss headcanons #the jet couples hc

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bisexual-horror-fan · 3 years ago

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"All Gussied Up." Gus X FEM! AFAB! Reader

Heyyyy! So uh, I watched The Reff (1994) again a few days ago and I have always loved this movie, one of my holiday faves. I had the thought that yeah Gus is attractive and could get it, totally love him, but then this year I made the jump and decided fuck it! I am gonna write for him! So here we fucking are. This is for no one but like I don’t care, I love Gussie and he deserves this treatment, here’s hoping this gets some more of you into this guy and the movie he is from! I am thinking this will be a little tradition and every December I will do a Gus piece! SO let’s get into it!

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Rating. Explicit. Length. 4.4K. Gus X FEM! AFAB! Reader. She/Her Pronouns. Warnings: Drinking. Shitty Family. Crime. Lying. Don’t Get Caught. Hold The Moan. Dirty Talk. Begging. Degradation. Rope (Bungee Cord) Play. Restrained Reader. Blow Job, Rough Oral Sex. Throat Fucking. Raw Sex. Vaginal Sex. Cream Pie. Gunplay. General Rough Stuff.

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Aunt Caroline and uncle Llyod’s house has always been chaotic and totally ridiculous. You were dragged along for many a holiday and while it was always a mess you had to admit at least it was an entertaining mess, you would come away with hilarious stories to regale your friends with.

On and on your family would complain about each other behind one another's backs and act passive aggressive and shitty to each other’s faces.

You were a full and legal adult and you didn’t have to go anymore but you didn’t have anything else to do, all your friends were already spoken for and went to their own family’s get togethers so fuck it, you weren’t about to spend Chirstmas alone. So you would go to your family’s get together, have some drinks, enjoy whatever weird non-traditional food Caroline cooked up as much as you could, give some forced smiles and thank you’s for the ill-thought out gifts and watch the chaotic mess that is your family go at each other while you sat on the sidelines.

You arrived late with your family because bitchy Connie insisted you all eat before coming over, you didn’t eat much at Denny’s and were actually feeling a bit hungry, always found it easier to stomach your aunt’s food when you were actually hungry. You come inside, arms full of gifts and as soon as you are all in you can hear the weak greetings and forced smiles with that undercurrent of bitterness and venom.

They never gave it a rest. Never taking a single day off all year, especially not the holidays.

You are trying to get your boots off without setting down the gifts, not wanting to track salt and slush onto the nice hardwood floors, you nearly stumble in your struggle and almost drop them but you hear a small “Woah, hey!” And there were two hands steadying you and helping you hold onto the load of presents.

“Careful there.” That voice. Smooth but slightly rough around the edges.

Your head snaps up and meets blue eyes and blonde hair that strikes a vibe of being between effortlessly and deceptively well kept. “Uh, thanks.” You say softly and he replies easily.

“No problem. You got it?” He asks as she starts to ease off and you nod.

“Yeah, yeah, thanks.”

He lets go with a nod of his own and you watch his expression shift as he hears Caroline going off about something, and he sighs with a roll of his eyes and walks over to see what is going on and you watch him. Eyes dragging over him in that suit, wondering who the fuck that was and what he was doing here.

So it turns out he is Caroline and Llyod’s counselor. He wanted to be here for Christmas eve to help supervise and mediate and said that it was “-necessary.”

It seemed odd to you.

And not just his name. Dr.Wong? The fuck was that about? But the whole thing. Him wanting to be here on Christmas eve, who would want to work and do something so ridiculous as get this involved in such a personal family oriented occasion.

But hey you weren’t about to complain. Another person to witness the bullshit that was this family and he was damn easy on the eyes.

Caroline went on and on about the influence for this year's meal and the history behind it and you tried to listen as best you could even with everyone else, Connie and Rose mostly, shitting all over it. You wished they would ease up on her a bit but you had to admit the candle wreath on your head was heavy and hot and unnecessary even if the story behind it was interesting.

You ate the food, had some wine and watched and listened as the conversation turned harsher and harsher and the fighting truly started. Caroline and Llyod went off on each other as per usual and you had the thought that you wouldn’t be surprised if it came out that they were getting divorced. If someone were to ask you then you’d say they should have started counselling sooner and that this was a last ditch effort before the end.

Far too little, far too late.

It was too bad you mused. When they split up then where would you get your fill of drama and spend your holidays at? Oh well. A problem for you in the future.

What really sparked attraction towards him even more was how he talked to your relatives and put them all in their place. Was this all part of the supposed treatment he was espousing? It was odd but hey if it got results.

It gets to the point that dinner is done and the good doctor tells everyone to get moving into the living room to do presents. Connie fights him on it saying they can’t do that until midnight. When he asks why not she insists that it isn’t Christmas until midnight and he tells her the nice thing about being adults is that they can open, “-the fucking presents whenever we want!”

Yeah you liked him more and more. Fuck the usual holiday traditions. Open the gifts whenever! You finish your glass as everyone else gets up to make their way to the other room and Caroline, Lloyd and the doctor retreat into the kitchen for dessert and coffee for everyone.

You reach over for the bottle of wine and pick it up, you attempt to pour some and there wasn’t anything left in it and you pout.

You take the stupid fucking wreath off and set it on the table, you blow the candles out too for safety’s sake, last thing you need is a fire.

The gift opening was always such a mess, you definitely needed another drink to enjoy it. You set the bottle back down and got up, you would go get a bottle from the kitchen and get some more. You make your way, as you approach the door you can hear them fighting again and roll your eyes with a sigh, why are you not surprised?

You push the door that leads from the dining room to the kitchen with your shoulder as you are saying, “Hey guys, we are out of wine, do you have more of that sharaz or-?”

You look up and see the dessert on the counter, saw Caroline and Lloyd standing together, the doctor across from them, three of them fighting and bickering and a gun in the blonde man's hand.

You dropped the empty bottle in your hand and somehow it didn't shatter but the sound was loud enough to get them all to stop and look at you.

Shit.

You see his jaw clench, a hand through his hair and he lets out a sigh before running his hand that wasn’t gripping the gun down his face. His arm drops back to his side and he says, “Caroline. Lloyd. Take this shit-” he gestures to the tray of coffee and the cake with the gun, “-out into the living room. I’ll be in soon.”

“Don’t do anything to her-'' Caroline started and Llyod joined in talking right along with her, “Really! She won’t say a thing-”

And the blonde man groaned and gestured again with the weapon, “Fucks sake do you two ever shut the fuck up?! I’m handling it-”

“But-” And he cut Llyod off harshly, stepping closer, getting in his face as he said sternly. “Llyod? Shut. Up. And get. Out.”

They both did actually shut up which never seemed to happen but when he talked they listened. Then again he DID have a gun he was brandishing in a rather threatening manner. They collected their trays and scooted out of the kitchen leaving you alone with him.

You felt hot, this was an extremely dangerous situation with a total stranger, why were you feeling hot? Gripping your empty glass tightly as he started to come over to you, shit, him getting closer wasn’t going to help this little problem at all.

“So-” he starts, a sniff and a roll of his shoulders, as he was standing less than a foot in front of you. “-they claim you won’t say anything. And those two don’t seem too fucking attached to their family other than their son so the fact they fell over themselves to defend you says something.”

You nod once, “They’ve always liked me. I don’t really cause trouble and stay out of the family drama.”

He laughs a little, “Oh and how’s that working out for you?”

A small laugh of your own and you shrug, “Usually fine but tonight? Not so much.”

“Yeah no shit.” He was fucking smiling, seemed a tad too amused. He was speaking again.

“Seriously. You seem more than old enough to avoid all this shit, why are you fucking here right now?” He asked and you cock your head to the side, “Honestly? No one else to spend it with and with me staying at arms length I can have some drinks and enjoy the chaos safely.”

“You subject yourself to this shit WILLINGINGLY?” You nod once and he continues on, “You’re fucking nuts! All of you! Jesus Christ.” Another heavy sigh before he says.

“More than that though, no one else to spend the holidays with?” he asks with a scoff, “I don’t believe that for a second.”

You set the empty glass down and said, “I mean it. All my friends are busy with their own, much more normal families.”

“Lucky them. And here we are with all of them.” He says with a vague gesture out to the area past the kitchen where everyone else was. “Ha, yeah…”

A beat of silence as you both stared at each other and you finally said. “So you’re not a doctor.”

He laughed, a shake of his head, “No, no I am not.”

You were so fucking curious what his deal was but you wouldn’t push. “I don’t need to know whatever you’re doing. I won’t say shit.”

He hadn't dropped the gun, still had it so near you and he pushed a little closer to you, his face was closer to yours as if he was searching for something in your eyes, trying to determine if there was even the smallest hint of bullshit in what you were saying. Eyes narrowing and you watch him adjust the gun in his grip, inviting pink tongue darting out to lick over his lips and you fight the urge to bite yours.

“You know I could hurt you real easy right? I’d have no problem doing it. And I’d get away with it.”

You don't doubt him.

You’ve been staring the whole night and God, something about him just fucking got to you. Maybe it was the suit or the stance, his confidence but probably it was his attitude. Plus he was funny, you really liked funny. How he handled your family was a major plus too. A guy who didn’t take shit was almost always attractive. You didn’t exactly like your family and didn’t mind him putting them in their place.

“For real though, how have you been dealing with the happy couple?”

You ask seriously and he scoffs. “My God. How do you think I have been dealing with Sonny and fucking Cher out there? Those two never, ever, shut the fuck up. Like, is it a bit? Are they not able to get off if they don’t act totally insufferable?!”

You laugh, one hand over your mouth, “I cannot imagine how terrible they’ve been! They always get worse under stress! You’d think the one time they could knock it off is in a life and death scenario like this but they can’t stop even for that.”

“Exactly! I have a fucking gun and they are acting like it’s all some big fucking joke.”

And that is how the conversation really started between you and him. You fill him in on stories of Caroline and Llyod being utterly insane and him being able to vent and rant about his night thus far, but mostly about their behavior.

The energy was good, you were both laughing probably more than you should considering the circumstances. This conversation is what helps convince him, you are funny and speak your mind while you are going off he decides that you clearly aren’t attached to them and won’t say anything or try some shit.

You are feeling good. Are warm and giggly, tipsy and he is attractive and it’s been fucking forever and you are feeling a little fear for your life as well as feeling a bit emboldened by the fact you are clicking with him.

So you take a risk.

You press yourself to him, looking up at him and you offer to show him where your loyalty could lie. “I don’t care about them really. They can get fucked and if it will help convince you then I could ease some of your stress.”

You are really going all in. You didn't like your life or family here, to the point that you were willing to essentially fuck a total, admittedly very attractive stranger to save your life.

The way you say it, in that nice dress you wore, the implication was crystal clear and he is in disbelief as he asks, “Woah-are you, are you fucking shitting me?” You shake your head and your hand meets the front of his suit pants and you feel him tense, a sharp inhale and it’s almost like you can feel his dick jump at the contact.

His eyes meet yours and he can see just how serious you are and he makes a split second decision. He has had a hell of a night and this kind of opportunity with someone as attractive as you doesn’t come along every day.

“Fuck it.” He groans out and his hand closes on your wrist and he drags you along with him.

It happens in the pantry.

He has you on your knees, had secured your wrists with one of the bungee cords that was left in the kitchen, he didn’t want you pulling anything funny or trying to flip the situation to your advantage.

His pants and belt open and you are using your mouth on him, lips wrapped around him and you felt insanely hot at this. You never even kissed him and yet you had lowered yourself before him and were sucking his dick.

He still has his gun in his hand. Incentive to ensure you behave but he wasn’t sure he needed it. You seemed so into it and were doing so well so quickly.

He lets himself get swept up in it.

He fucks your mouth, one hand on your head as he rocks his hips forward and he is dirty talking to you the whole time. He sure seemed the talkative type but you loved that.

“I thought you mighta been-shit-different from the rest of em’. ” He breathed out, pushing deeper into your mouth and you hum as you suck, “I mean hell, who does shit like this with someone they just met?”

He is panting a little as you pull up, cheeks hollowing as you do so, sucking hard, tongue pressed to that vein on the underside of his shaft, looking up at him the whole time. His eyes on you, his hair messy, sweat on his brow, hips moving to help you out, sliding in and out of your lips wrapped tightly around him. The sight and the arousal pooling low inside of you has you moaning against his shaft and pressing your thighs together, wishing your hands were free if only to grind against your own palm for the smallest amount of relief.

He is letting out these amazing groans, head tipping back, a harder thrust into your mouth that makes you gag and he curses at that, he loves how it feels and the sound you let out so he does it again. Looking back down at you as he makes you gag a few more times till you are looking pleadingly up at him, tearing up and he inhales shakily at that. “Goddamn.”

You throb at that. You pull him out of your mouth, his cock is nearly dripping from your spit and you rested him against your cheek, breathing harder as you then beg for the unthinkable, “Pl-please, I-I’m so turned on, please, please, fuck me?”

Seriously what the fuck did he do to get this?

He laughs in shock. But he sees how serious you are. The gun comes down and he drags it over your other cheek and the fear doesn’t dampen the heat inside, but instead adds to it, you are breathing harder, eyes half lidded, glazed over with lust and pure want. He says it quietly, “You mean it.”

He sees how badly you want it. Almost squirming, hips shifting, desperate for any stimulation, your roll your wrists and you just want, you nod furiously.

He is nearly throbbing and he degrades you, "Shit, you really ARE a little fuckin' freak. Family one room over, a man on the run with a gun and you're on your knees begging to get fucked."

You can't help but agree. Degrade yourself in hopes of satiating that desire. “Yes, yes, I’m the worst, please, I need it, hurry-”

He does.

You are pushed up against the shelves, the skirt of your dress is hiked up and soaked panties are ripped down your thighs, you are bent slightly at the waist, giving him good access and so fast it is happening. That first stroke makes you gasp. Sliding all the way inside and you feel him tense, a groan in your ear and once he is seated fully inside of you a quiet moan leaves your lips as you clench around him.

He doesn’t waste time at all. The need is far too great.

He fucks you from behind, one hand holding that gun and resting near your head on one of the shelves and the other on your bound wrists. He uses his hand on the bungee cord to help pull you back to him as his hips slam forward. He is fucking you raw, totally bare and that thought had moaning and he is speaking low and just to you, “Shut the fuck up, you want them to hear?”

You bite back a moan, eyes threatening to roll back and he laughs again, “Ahhh. Oh my fucking God, you just squeezed me so hard, you are into that shit.”

The pleasure is mounting quickly, he found that sweet spot that made you want to sob so quickly, you made it so obvious from the way you trembled and the choked sound you let out when he hit it that first time. “You are so easy. Do this kind of thing all the time, hmmm?”

You shake your head, “No-nooo.” And he thrusts harder, a grind that has you squeezing your eyes shut as you quietly curse. “No? You mean you only beg to fuck criminals you just met? Regular guys just don’t-huff-scratch that itch the same way, eh?”

When he puts it like that you gotta admit you do sound really fucked up. You really don’t normally do this kind of thing but there was just something different about him, this particular kind of chemistry and energy that just lights a spark inside of you that is unignorable.

You are biting your bottom lip so hard as you struggle to hold back your moans, thighs are shaking, fists clenched and he asks, “Gonna cum already?”

It was a taunt, it made you let out a shuddering breath. Pleasure is rising more and more and fuck, it was all so good.

You were. Normally it took a while to get to that point with someone new, cumming with a brand new partner was a near impossibility but here you were on the edge and ready to spill over so quickly when you’d known him less than three hours. Was he that good? Were you that compatible or was it simply the danger, the situation? Or maybe, it was exactly as he’d suggest, that you are just that big a slut?

Ultimately, it doesn’t matter, the point is you were going to cum on his cock. "You-ahhhn-filthy fucking whore. You gonna keep quiet?"

You didn't think you were.

A shake of your head and he put the gun on the shelf. Hand over your mouth. He was so strong, your moans were so muffled when he covered your mouth, you could really let loose. It made it feel better, the sensation sharper, you moaning into his palm made him fuck you harder, skin on skin filling the small space of the pantry.

The dam breaks and you cum and cum hard. You are shoved against the shelves so hard that it helps support you otherwise you aren't sure you'd be on the floor. You are breathing so hard through your nose, trembling as he is still tugging on your wrists, his hips not letting up, pace faltering, he was close. You shake your head and he pulls his hand away and you beg quietly for it, begging for him to cum in you.

He grit out, "Stupid fuckin' whore, you-you're unbelievable-" but then his sentence trailed off.

He clearly had more to say but instead a strained groan tears from his throat one final thrust into you as he came. Warmth spread inside and you hummed in pure satisfaction, feeling amazing and still attempting to catch your breath along with him.

It isn’t quiet for long, he pulls out and you are still heaving and half dressed cum now leaking out of you and dripping down your thighs and you hear the sound of him fixing his clothes. He leans in close and asks, "You gonna be a good girl and keep your mouth shut?"

You are and you do.

A nod and he simply say’s, “Good.” He takes the bungee cord off of you and you roll your wrists, turn around to see him getting his suit jacket back on and fixing his tie. You watch him and he nods at you as he said, “Christ, clean yourself up at little at least”

Fuck, the way he talks to you is too much in the best way.

Soon you are back out, straightened up and going into the living room. You didn’t take that long, it was a pretty quick thing from threats to conversation to fucking, all in all less than twenty minutes but you were still worried your absence would be missed and so obvious.

You enter the living room to find the cake untouched and instead find them all fighting yet again. They didn’t pay any attention to how long you were gone.

Yeah that seems about right.

You play nice and play along, but he's still found out by the rest of your family.

Don't worry though, they are tied up to prevent any interference. Seeing Rose gagged so the never ending stream of bullshit that frequently poured from her lips was too good for words, a great present honestly.

Turns out his real name is Gus and he is a career criminal, a robbery gone wrong that night and getting mixed up with and using Caroline and Llyod’s place to try and lay low and instead he got swept up in this mess with all of you. What rotten luck indeed, but pretty good for you, this had been the best Christmas at their house you have had by far.

The police are almost there and you have all come to an agreement that you couldn’t turn him in. Caroline and Llyod and Jesse and you all thinking hard on what to do and during this you are thankful they don’t question you being so on board or question what happened in the kitchen. Jesse suggests leading him through the woods to get to the docks and onto the boat where his partner in crime was waiting.

The decision is made, he goes on the run and you are sad to see him go.

He is saying quick good-byes, definitely in a rush and yet you and he share a small look as he is going and you swear that both you and he connected on some deeper level and aren't going to forget each other.

It's unspoken and shockingly lovely, stirs emotion that's foreign deep in your chest as you wave farewell.

Caroline and Llyod play their parts lovely and are so insufferable as they bicker and attempt to explain what happened that the cops don’t stick around long or ask questions. As you watch it plays out you have to fight the smile from creeping up on your face. Thank God for small town idiot cops who are clamoring to get this over and done with and home to their own families.

The rest of the holiday that year after your other family members are untied is entertaining to say the least.

So when Caroline and Llyod work shit out and don't get divorced, visiting them is much more pleasant. You are so glad they manage to figure it all out. You still come back often even if certain other family members refuse.

Every year you think of him as you are around their house. Opening gifts in their living room or when you are helping cook in the kitchen.

A new yearly tradition is struck the year after where you relive those memories in the pantry. Late at night on Christmas eve with one hand over your mouth, panties around your knees and one hand between your thighs as you get off to your experience a year prior where he fucked you against the very shelving you currently are leaning on.

The holidays are good, if not a little lonely.

You always have a small and futile hope that he might show up again even though you know it's foolish. I mean he made a clean get away with that big final score and should be retired on some nice sunny tropical island somewhere.

Yet you still hope anyway.

So when the doorbell rings near dinner time on Christmas eve three years later and you answer it and find the best gift possible, the one you've been praying to get for the past three years.

There was Gus standing on the front porch with gifts in hand, snow on his shoulders and more color in his cheeks than you remember. You can't stop the grin from spreading on your face.

He returns it as he says, "I was hoping you'd be here."

Merry fucking Christmas to you.

#Gus X Reader #The Ref 1994 #I will not apologize #This is real self indulgent #But I cannot help myself #BHF writing

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tamtam-go92 · 4 years ago

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Some shower thoughts on Mikasa Ackerman behind the cut:

I saw that a lot of (Mikasa) fans are disappointed in the way the story concluded for Mikasa, that she had no real development and overall deserved better. I kinda agree on the last point, of course she deserved better, don’t we all? But life just sometimes isn’t fair and you loose your soulmate at the age of 19. What I really hate is that people are blaming her for being on her loved ones grave on the anniversary of his death. I don’t know if those people have ever lost somebody dear to them and everyone grieves differently and nobody is to judge that. But being on the grave of your loved one on their death anniversary, their birthday and other important days is the most natural thing in the world for me. We sadly don’t get an insight on what Mikasa is doing with her time now. I’m not sad that she went back to Paradis to live whatever life she’s leading there. Who knows? She probably has some sense in her life other than grieving Eren all day. Maybe she‘s helping Historia with the orphanage? There probably are a lot of new orphans after the rumblings and the connected riots. And who knows, I mean Armin, Jean and the others are coming back to Paradis now. What I see for a good sign is, that she grew her hair out. It was Eren who told her to cut it and so she did when she probably preferred it long. Don’t you think she looks painfully much like the woman in Jean’s vision? Who knows, that might be her future once her comrades come back to the island. I can very well see Jean (who gussied himself up on the boat, I mean come on, he’s not really doing it for those school girls, is he?!) meeting Mikasa after three years and again complimenting her on her hair like he did back when they were trainees. Will Mikasa ever truly get over Eren? Probably not but it’s just like that sometimes when you loose someone. Some people never get over their one true love but it didn’t work out with them and they still manage to start a new life with somebody else, love them and dedicate their hearts to them. Why not Mikasa? We will never know because Isayama choose not to show us Mikasa meeting her mates again three years later. You can make of this ending whatever you want. But you shouldn’t be so negative and accuse Mikasa (and in return Isayama) to have no development and be sad about her. I think Mikasa was one of Isayama’s favorite characters (I read so somewhere) so do you really think he would give her a sad ending? I don’t think so. Mikasa’s happy ending is there somewhere in the future. I’ll be in whatever way she imagines her life since she’s a strong and independent woman. But three years after loosing your most beloved person is not that much. She has the right to still grieve. But she’ll stand up and look into a bright future that Eren has created for her and I think that’s beautiful.

Thanks for listening to my stupid shower thoughts once more!

#tamtam talks #aot spoilers #attack on titan #snk spoilers #shingeki no kyoujin #eremika #jeankasa #attack on titan ending #mikasa ackerman

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britishsass · 3 years ago

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oh quike question what dialogue would you have for your maligula!augustus au?

Well, the majority of my dialogue and writing for it can be found in these stories, in this order:

1. Inner Storm (the moment that things get to the point of creating the whole storm, mostly.)

2. The Drowned Circus (The start of Augustus's mind, the majority of the story section that would be interesting to dwell on)

3. The Big Top (The final boss fight, though it was rushed-- I've already spoken on what I'd like to change about it if I ever make another draft of this bit!)

4. Rainclouds Come to Play Again (A post-canon segment of Raz and Augustus coming to terms with what happened.)

However, I assume you're looking for some more, so let's do that, shall we? Click the read more-- If you're ready, that is ;) I went off on both the darkest bits of the au (Torture, manipulation, all that stuff) as well as the brightest moment (Intern sleepover!) so it's got a lot of emotions here.

First, let me just point out what my favorite lines are so far. Because I think I deserve that.

From Inner Storm:

“Oh, good, you showed up. Hurry up and help me already.” “No.”

"Your family is dead." He stumbled away, his mind reeling. No. No, they can't be dead. They can't be. "Drowned. All of them." Shut up. Shut up. "And it's easy to tell whose fault that is." Shut up!

The Drowned Circus doesn't have any standout lines to me, so let's carry on to The Big Top:

“They’re dead. You’re only creating them here to push that fact away.” The monster took on a different voice-- Gristol’s-- as it mocked him. “You’re just a murderer, just like Auntie Maligula, aren’t you.” “Be quiet--” “Just a murderer. And you think that anyone else would ever come to--”

“You’ll never be rid of me, Augustus,” the monster hissed.

TBH, I just get shivers from not!augustus as is, heh. Let's move on to Rainclouds Come to Play Again!

“I… I don’t want others to look at you like your Nona and me.” “Dad…” “We’ve made some big mistakes. I… I thought I’d lost you, Raz.”

“...I’m not sure I’m a good person anymore. I’ve failed a lot as a parent.” “So?”

Alright, now that we've gone through what there already is, I'll finally give you some more.

Gristol and Augustus:

I already have the first scene of the two of them written up, but I really want to keep that secret for now-- I'm holding onto that for when I manage to write the whole story. However, I'll post one section of that and then two of later sections for them!

"Leave my children alone. They've done nothing to hurt you." "No, no, they haven't. But you have. You've already abandoned me once, Gus. One strike against you. You're lucky I'm merciful."

"...how long have I been here?" "Oh, trust me, it's long enough that they've noticed. A missing father, how sad. The thing is, you're not the one the psychonauts are worried about. No, they're worried about your so-called mother. They're worried about the head of the psychonauts. And most of all..." Gristol's mouth twisted into a sneer. "They're worried about their darling little newbie. Razputin Aquato, already getting himself into trouble. Doing everything he shouldn't. I've never found someone so... gullible."

Augustus's body felt weak, and he barely managed to rip the water from the air to give himself something to drink, to barely fix the parched skin of his throat. Just as he managed to reach the stream with his mouth, about to drink it out of the air in desperation to survive, the door slammed open, ruining his concentration, dropping the water he had worked so hard to summon. "Hey, Gussy, guess who they found?" Gristol sing-songed, grinning wide. "I... I don't..." Augustus managed, but Gristol spoke over him. "They found Maligula. Your darling auntie. You know, if I didn't know better, I'd try to get her on our side too." "I... I'm not..." "Do you like having living family?" Augustus stopped fighting immediately, his whole body shaking with desperation, and Gristol draped a heavy coat around him, too heavy for his exhausted shoulders to hold it up. He fell even more limp in the chair, his tired eyes watching the gzar-to-be. Razputin, Dion, Frazie, Queepie, Mirtala, Lucrecia... Donatella... My family... I'm so sorry. It's you or me... and I'd rather you be safe.

Raz and the Interns

I very specifically wanted them to have more impact in this au! For instance, Norma is the one to lead Augustus to Gristol, and Lizzie is the first to see Augustus after the breakdown. They realize that Augustus is missing, and they work with Raz to try to find out where he is.

"What... Your dad's missing too?" Adam asked, his voice soft. Raz nodded, sniffling, and the older boy sat on his bunk, patting his back. "...I'm sorry, Raz. I don't know what that's like, but... I know what it's like to miss people." "Missing? You sure he didn't get lost or something? This place is a bit of a maze to new folks--" "Morris, shut up." "You're not the boss, man." Morris swung his body into his chair, levitating his way over to Raz's bed as well. "Listen, dude. We're on your side here, okay? My Abuela would kill me if she knew I didn't help at times like this. But we can't do this without sleep, right?" Raz managed to nod to that, rubbing his nose on his sleeve. "Hey, if you're having a sleepover, then you need to invite me!" Sam called from the doorway, and she ran in, flopping down on Raz's bed. "What're we doing? Talking about cute girls? Talking about hair? What do guys do at sleepovers anyways?" "New kid's dad went missing." "Missing? Oh, geez, kid... That's a lot, isn't it? You just got here..." Sam groaned, and she rolled over. "Want me to get the girls? We can have a real sleepover or a rescue mission-- I can get my--" "It's okay. We... we can do it in the morning," Raz managed. "Please." "Alright, sure, whatever floats your whale." Sam shrugged. "But I'm totally gonna have a sleepover with all of you!" "...Y'know, that actually does sound like it'd help to get your head off of this. You up for it, Pooter?" Adam asked, giving him a little nudge. After a moment, Raz nodded. "Let's do this! Operation Sleepover is underway!" Sam grinned. "Meet me in the common room of the dorms!" She took off, followed by Morris, and finally Adam. Raz took his time before extracting himself from his bed, dragging a blanket with him as he walked towards the main room. Before he could even reach the door, someone stopped him. "...Kid." Norma. "...L-listen, I... ugh, this is the worst... I might know something. But you need to promise to not tell the adults-- I'd get in big trouble!"

Wow. That was a bit longer than I expected, hah. Point is, I really think that this au would be great for developing the Aquatos as well as the interns, and since it'd take longer for Gristol to completely shatter Augustus's spirit than for things to go how they went in-game, the intern squad has time to work together and try to help find him! Feel free to ask about literally any scenes or to suggest dialogue of your own-- I love hearing about all of it! ^_^

#the owl writes #long post #maligustus au #anon #ask response #torture tw #manipulation tw #tw gristol malik sucks

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professionalfangirl24601 · 4 years ago

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AI continues the Riko roast attempt N2

in this one you'll see still no Riko, confused Kevin and Neil's questionable PR skills.

"You know, I get it," Neil said. "Being raised as a superstar must be really, really difficult for you. Always a commodity, never a human being, not a single person in your family thinking you're worth a damn off the court—yeah, sounds rough. Kevin and I talk about your intricate and endless daddy issues all the time. I know it's not entirely your fault that you are mentally unbalanced and infected with these delusions of grandeur, and I know you're physically incapable of holding a decent conversation with anyone like every other normal human being can, but I don't think any of us should have to put up with this much of your bullshit. Pity only gets you so many concessions, and you used yours up about six insults ago. So please, please, just shut the fuck up and leave us alone. We'll come to your games in peace, and we'll buy your gear. But we'll only do that if you step aside and give me another go at this thing called life."

Neil watched Kevin in silence for several minutes before deciding that—for once—he had to say something. "Kevin, you're great on the court, and the star players in this league who don't know how to act around each other deserve a big applause. You're a great teammate, a solid community person, and a great player. And I'd take a red-hot Dirk Nowitzki in the Finals any day over you. I like a lot of the things that you do on and off the court. I just don't like you. And I'd really appreciate if you could just not be yourself around us. At least then we can have a conversation."

"Nah," Kevin replied after a long pause. "I'm going to be myself."

Taken aback, Neil nodded. "All right, Kevin. You can be yourself. But, you know, a few rules. First of all, you'll have to leave for all practice and shootarounds, and for team meals. I don't want you fucking up the guy's practice routine or spoiling his warm-up routine. And I don't want you parading around half-naked around the arena, much less take my job from me. And while we're on the subject of nudity, I can't have you acting like a jackass with a blown-up Pepsi banner on my back like some sort of tramp."

"Got it," Kevin replied. "I promise to do my best."

"Good. Now, I also need you to tone down your sarcasm, petulance, and dry wit," Neil added, "and stop throwing your mouth open like some sort of baby duck whenever you're excited about something. It's embarrassing. It makes you look like a little punk kid who's already finished with elementary school. Let's see, since you've become a star, your teammates have won five more playoff series and won one more NBA championship, which makes you the winningest player in the history of the team."

"Yeah, whatever. I'm the best."

Neil sighed. "Yes, Kevin, you are, and you know it. You're also the most hated. I know you probably don't want me to tell you this, but your public is starting to catch on to your royal punkiness. Fans are starting to ask when you're going to stop messing around and start being the good-natured soul that you truly are. And while they're asking, they're not as excited when they see you coming to the game anymore. Now that they're no longer getting everything for free, they're demanding a fraction of your paycheck and coming to games only if they've got a death wish.

A quick look at your recent numbers shows that you're never gonna be able to sustain your market value, so you're losing sponsors faster than a Zippy the Pinhead cartoon. I think it's time that you made some more changes to your image and get back to being the class clown. You're going to have to wear these goofy glasses that are now a part of your uniform. You're going to start speaking in a baby voice and begging reporters for softballs as if you were some poor, innocent baby who just wants to be noticed. Then, you're going to bring every scrap of lunch meat and grease-stained Kleenex into the locker room with you, and you're going to start sucking on garlic-flavored toothpicks as if you were some cheap wannabe poser trying to play the part of an intellectual.

And last, but not least, you're going to start jerking off and spraying your entire body with strong-smelling hairspray before going out for a road game, and after the game, you're going to do it again. And then, when you get home, you're going to do it some more. You'll also start sniffing your own armpits, licking them, and making weird comments like, 'Look at that freakin' blue streak in my dreary locks.' You're going to stand in front of your mirror and constantly ogle yourself in the toilet bowl. You're going to call yourself Ginger, gussy yourself up, and belt out 'White Wedding' in the shower, and if you have a date, you're going to purposely rip her clothes off and pretend that it was your idea all along."

"I'm sorry, but I'm going to ignore everything you just said, Neil," Kevin replied, trying to speak without giggling.

"Fine. So, then, what's your big idea, Kevin?"

"Oh, this is priceless." Kevin giggled maniacally, and his teammates yelled for him to shut the hell up.

"You're totally gonna be in movies," Neil said. "You're going to play the bad guy, but make sure you get the girl in the end. You're going to go undercover for weeks and sneak into death-metal concert events, where you're gonna stage fights, mess up everyone's hair, and drink bleach while being the absolute worst thing to ever hit a concert stage. People are gonna love it. You're going to start releasing dark, angst-filled folk-rock ballads, full of powerful emotion and heartache. You're going to start writing scathing criticism of the president and your teammates on your blog, but under a false identity so that nobody will recognize your name when you're actually being serious.

You're gonna get married, have two kids, and then have to suffer through a divorce that's so nasty that your ex-wife's going to get remarried within a month of the divorce. You're going to get beaten up regularly by her new boyfriend, who will be an enormous douche, and then have a car accident, and your legs will be broken so badly that you're going to need crutches. You're going to lose your job as a sportswriter, and then your wife's going to get fired from her job as a waitress because your friends will keep inviting her to your games. You're going to have to drive an old junker car that is crammed with mismatched parts, and you're going to have to flip yourself through traffic lights and weave in and out of oncoming cars while wearing a suit that's way too big for you. You'll bring hundreds of dollars of Taco Bell and Tostitos lunch meat into your home, and you'll be constantly sniffing your fingers like a dog, but somehow, that's going to work for you."

"Why don't you shut up?" Kevin demanded.

"I'm telling you, it's the perfect plan," Neil said Kevin finally stopped laughing and his cheeks began to redden.

"I'm sorry, but I don't get it."

"Well, all I can say is that you're damn lucky that the Sacramento Kings are playing against the San Jose Sharks this season, otherwise I'd lock you in your room right now, and I'd make you eat a full eight-course dinner," Neil replied. "I don't think you're ready for a Gregg Popovich type of coaching. I'll let you take the next couple of days to ponder this information."

"Uh, okay," Kevin said. "Thanks, Neil," he added quickly as he ran off to the bathroom to vomit in the toilet.

#i also tried to do one with Wymack's motivational speech and one of the lines it came up with was #the public thinks you're enough of a clown to play the games but too much of a pussy to actually win them #but then the page reloaded suddenly :(#aftg #neil josten #kevin day #aftg shitpost #funny #AI technology #this is the last one i swear

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starside-selfships · 4 years ago

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Homecoming

Tonight was certainly not in my favor for the most part. To bring you up to speed, it was homecoming night for my younger brother, along with his friends, and I was an unpaid chauffeur for them. Whether I said yes or no to my mom, which the latter would result in a scolding, I would still be driving, whether I liked it or not. I had plans to meet up with someone tonight and now, unfortunately, I had to cancel those plans. Wonderful. So much for treating myself. Saying yes to avoid any conflict between my mother and I, I was driving my brother and his group of boys and girls, one of them most likely his significant other, to the nearby high school, the same one where I graduated from, but I don’t think any of that really mattered. Sure, there were going to be people there that recognized me, but it’s not like I planned on going inside to dance or mingle. Don’t get me wrong, I was gussied up for the occasion, but with how tonight was already progressing, going inside to try and get into the groove was not on my agenda. Little did I know that I was going to be completely wrong.

We were nearing the school as I was in the driver’s seat and I focused on the road as best I could, overhearing the conversation in the back amongst the group of seniors about how my brother was probably going to get laid or something, followed by a roar of laughter. While he was of age, as am I, I didn’t think I would be hit with a strong dose of discomfort hearing those words coming out of their mouths. Yeah, they were in high school so it made sense for them to say stuff like that. Already I began to question this night before my thoughts started to shift towards a particular someone that made my smile return after it had been gone for hours. A demon, or imp rather, down in hell that no one knew, except for a few of my closest friends who I knew could definitely keep a secret, had my heart and more. My smile remained small, but it was genuine, a chuckle eliciting from me as I continued to drive and within seconds of starting to think about him, I noticed my phone vibrating in the front passenger seat out of the corner of my eye. Look, I am, and I quote from one of my favorite content creators, a “good fucking citizen” and I would never risk my life or others because of a single text message. However, this wasn’t a single text. Whoever was trying to reach me was literally trying to nuke my phone for I counted the vibrations from listening closely to them. I didn’t bother picking up my phone so I just counted. 1...2...3...4...5...not even five minutes and I’ve somehow counted 23 and rising text messages being sent to my phone. Was it that urgent or was someone just spamming me with nonsense because I can’t remember the last time I was spammed like that and my memory is on point, not to brag or anything.

Upon pulling into one of the many parking lots of the high school, my brother and his friends began unbuckling themselves from their seats and after setting the SUV into “park”, they all got out one by one, on both sides, putting on their masks. I forgot to mention that this homecoming had a theme, which was “Monster Mash”, so zombies, mummies, your usual batch of monsters from all types of media of course, along with the special monsters that only one or two people only knew and were ready to discuss and talk about at a moment’s notice. As much as I wanted to sit in the car, I knew I was going to have to go in at some point, so earlier today, I decided I was going as a werewolf, picking up a fitting mask from the city’s costume store, but instead of just having a mask and calling it a day, it evolved into something more homemade. I spent several extra hours turning my tux into a more fitting and lycanthrope-themed outfit, dark fur lining the edges and front of my suit, outfitting myself with wolf ears and covering my face in blood to represent claw marks. Thankfully, I remembered that I had an old wolf tail, cleaning it up and hoping that the appearance was pleasing to the eye in some way and to my surprise, it certainly was. Not like anyone was going to care honestly, but you know, what’s wrong with a little bit of effort, even if no one’s going to notice?

“You’re not coming?” My brother questioned as he reached for his mask and was about to head inside with the others, earning a shake of my head as a response.

“We’ll see, you go have fun, okay?” I said, seeing him run off back to this squad and closing the car door as I rested my head on the back of my seat and sigh heavily. Finally, no one could hear or see me cry, the lights on the inside roof of the car beginning to slowly dim, shutting off completely and leaving me in darkness. “Fuck.” I whispered, trying not to choke on my tears thanks to the numerous thoughts clouding my head, many of them were memories of my high school days and how they all just generally sucked. I’m going to spare you of the details, but in short, I was a teacher’s pet who did good, had good grades, and tried so hard not to get caught up in a relationship since, well, at the time I wasn’t into anyone and nor was anyone into me. Looking back at it, I’ve never been hit with an intense pain in my life. But then, my thoughts were interrupted by another vibration. “Alright, who’s trying to nuke my phone?” I told myself as I reached over and grabbed my phone in frustration, turning the screen on and discovering that the imp himself had been sending me a flood of messages, alongside his employees, including the hellhound. “Wait, what?” I was stunned, why was I getting all these messages from I.M.P? Unlocking my phone and going through the wave of texts and images, most of them being from Blitzo, I checked the ones belonging to Millie, Loona, and Moxxie first, working my way up from there.

Millie “Hey Eli!” “Just wanted to say that I hope tonight is great for you and Blitzo!” “He has a really big surprise for you!” “Have fun you two!”

Loona “Elijah” “Heard ya weren’t feeling great” “Shit sucks but Blitz has a surprise for you later tonight” “Ain’t saying shit, but I hope you have fun” “You deserve it, alright?”

Moxxie “Dear Elijah, I certainly hope your night is swell. I overheard from my boss that it wasn’t going as planned and not to spoil anything, but he has a surprise for you later tonight. Have fun!” “p. s it’ll be a nice break from him interfering with my relationship with Millie.”

And now, all that there was left to check was Blitzo, I didn’t bother holding back my tears. Who was going to watch? Most of his texts were pictures of him looking for an outfit, getting help from a smiling Millie, annoyed Moxxie, and a Loona who looked like she didn’t really care. That’s what the realization hit me soon after. I didn’t want to believe it, but I looked through every single text again and yeah, sure enough, it was real. The imp was my date. Blitzo was my homecoming date. Another text, the last one from Blitzo for the night it seemed, sounding ominous of course.

“See ya soon, Eli. XOXO”

My smile returned once again as I regained my thoughts, clearing my head and doing my best to ignore all the negative and previous ones that arrived earlier tonight, replacing all of them with one: the fact that the imp that nearly killed me by accident was my homecoming date. The two of us have talked and spent a lot of time together, but who would’ve thought that he would be the one I would fall for and make my better in a way like this? Yeah, I was into him the most out of everyone at I.M.P. Of course, Millie and Moxxie were married and Loona, I’ll be honest, she was someone who appeared that she wasn’t too keen on dating. Blitzo, on the other hand, ever since the two of us met with him pounced over my body with a double barrel shotgun aimed directly at my face, we’re never been closer. That story about how we met is a real doozy, but it’s certainly for another time.

After waiting a little longer, I finally left the vehicle and locked the doors, stuffing the keys in my pocket and trading it for my phone, holding the mask in my other hand, my body on fire at the constant, recurring thought that wasn’t leaving anytime soon, one that pushed all the others away, a splendid thought that was the only thing I could think of. Before I knew it, I was at the front doors of the school and I followed the couples and groups, most likely students, towards the gym, looking at my phone and expecting a text, but instead, just silence. I guess all I needed to do was wait for him, and that’s what I did as I was greeted with the sound of deep bass rumbling through my body thanks to the booming speakers, along with the bright spotlights that moved around at a rapid pace, mixed with multiple multicolored strobe lights. It was a party alright. With the song that was playing as well, it was a fitting one with the theme. And lost in this party, I assumed, was a neatly dressed imp waiting for me. I walked along the edge of the gym, avoiding the growing crowd of dancers and hoping to possibly run into Blitzo at some point, only to be stopped by, unsurprisingly, one of my high school teachers.

“Elijah, is that you? Hey kid, what brings you here?!” She asked, leaning against the wall with a drink, a red cup, yes a red cup, and wrapped in a mummy outfit, bandages covering her body, along with one eye while the other was perfectly visible.

“Just chaperoning for my brother and his friends.” I answered, which was half the truth, but how could I explain that I was waiting for my demonic plus one?

“For a chaperone, you fit in right with the crowd, nice outfit! Did you make it yourself?”

“Yeah, I did actually.”

“I always knew you were one of the more creative ones in the class and it shows, awesome job!” I found myself getting blushy rather quickly at her compliment, rubbing the back of my head as I continued the conversation and it soon turned into one where my heart began to race rapidly. “So, tell me, do you have a date?” I wanted to lie, but then again, I was unsure of Blitzo was my date, or even if I wanted to say he was to others, so I took a deep breath and tried to make up my mind quickly.

“Yeah, I do, he’s a bit late though, it might be a while before he gets here.”

“Who said I was late?” The imp said, grabbing ahold of my shoulder gently and wanting me to turn around so I did, my eyes meeting his and I could see that his were that wickedly bright yellow, with a hint of red in the middle. Sinister, but always a joy to look at. “Hey, cutie.” I was about to open my mouth to compliment his outfit, resembling Jack Skellington from The Nightmare Before Christmas, from top to bottom, only for my teacher to butt in. This was going to be a joy.

“Oooooh, and who might this be, Elijah?! He must learn from the best because his costume’s amazing!” This was going to be a real interesting night. I was already contemplating on going back to the car.

“The name’s Blitzo, pronounced Blitz and the O is silent, also known as this handsome guy’s boyfriend.” He said, greeting himself to-

...HOLD UP, WAIT A MINUTE. Did he just say boyfriend? Was I hearing that correctly? I wasn’t crazy, right?

“The name’s Blitzo, the O is silent, also known as this handsome guy’s boyfriend.” He said, greeting himself to-wait a minute, did he just say boyfriend? Did I hear that correctly? I wasn’t crazy, right?

“Well, Blitzo, it was really nice to meet you. Elijah was, and still is, one of my best students, creative too, you’re a lucky one.”

“Oh, trust me,” He looked over at me, a look that read ‘I love you’, his eyes appearing as if he was going to cry, but his smile was wide. “I know.” He was being completely truthful with her and myself. Not a single word he said was a lie, at least that’s what I believed. Something told me that it was true, every single word was honest and straight from the heart. “Let’s go dance, yeah?” He said softly towards me, earning a soft nod in reply and so, the two of us made our way to the dance floor. I was so nervous to ask him a single question with a plentiful rushing through my head. “Shocked, huh? Don’t be, Elijah. I know the two of us have been together for some time and I may have heard from a little birdie that you were going to be helping out your brother for some dance.” I reminisced on when I remember talking about the homecoming dance and then it hit me.

“Damn it, Angel.”

“C’mon, you missed me. You’re glad she told me too.”

“Yeah, I did. But, like, didn’t you have some more important stuff, like work? And your horse to take care of?”

“Oh, don’t worry. Work’s slow and boring and Moxxie’s watching over her so, I’m free for the night! What better way to spend my night with my new boyfriend too?” He said, pressing his lips against my cheek and sending my heart sky high, my hand on his beginning to clench. “Easy cowboy, it was just a kiss. We haven’t even gotten to the good stuff, you know.” Okay, now he was just trying to get me flustered really early. We made jokes about that stuff, but was he being serious? About all of this?

“I was actually going to ask about that. Do you, like, you’re actually interested in me, right?” He stopped in his tracks and the two of us were halted together, surrounded by multiple dancing groups and couples, I could sense the music that was once pounding in my ears beginning to die out, soon Blitzo’s voice was the only thing I could hear. “All those times we’ve been together, from the day you were in my bed ready to kill me and only to discover you were in the wrong house to all those times we’ve spent in Hell and on the surface, to that one time you were actually full-on naked in my bed and I was nearly caught, you’re being honest with me, right?”

“Elijah,” Blitzo began, reaching for my other hand to hold it tight, gazing into my eyes and I soon lost myself in them, my focus and attention being grabbed and held by him and him alone. “I’m being one hundred percent honest with you. If I killed you, I would’ve missed a chance like this and, god fucking dammit, I’m trying not to cry here.”

“Trust me, I’ve already done that tonight, you’re good.” I joked, the two of us laughing as his claw-like hands gripped mine.

“But yeah, I’m serious. From the bottom of my heart, Elijah. No bullshit. I love you. Yeah, you’re a human and I nearly killed you, but that night I met you and nearly blew your brains out, was probably the fucking day of my whole eternal suffering, as they usually say. That’s, that’s what they say, right?” Hearing that filled my heart with an intense amount of joy and soon, I felt my worries wash away. Who would’ve thought that I would not only fall in love with a demon below the surface of this Earth, but an imp who was not only charming, but skilled at his profession? A professional that was basically assassination. Then again, he just straight up kills anyone he’s paid to kill alongside the other three. “You can cry all you want, okay?” I didn’t want to, especially in front of Blitzo.

“Oh, shut up. I love you too.” I said, earning a nice laugh from him. Moments later, the music shifted from the usual extremely bumping and loud beat into something more mellow, but you could still dance to. A song that people weren’t really a fan of, but for me, and surprisingly Blitzo, it was perfect. To my surprise, the imp knew the damn lyrics.

Oh, don’t you dare look back Just keep your eyes on me. I said, you’re holding back. He said, shut up and dance with me! This demon is my destiny. He said, ooh-ooh-hoo! Shut up and dance with me!

The two of us followed suit and already had the floor so who was gonna stop us? No one was certainly going to stop Blitzo and for me, I was already lost in the moment, I could only see Blitzo and I losing ourselves in the music together, singing and dancing along. No distractions or disturbances as we let loose. Unbeknownst to me, the crowd around us had cleared and it was just me and Blitzo dancing to the beat with a silent audience cheering on a human and his boyfriend, unaware that he was truly a demon. I didn’t care about any of that mess now, I was overjoyed to be dancing with my imp boyfriend under the moving spotlight, the two of us grabbing the attention of all the other costumed people standing by and watching us. It didn’t even feel like they were there.

Deep in his eyes I think I see the future I realize this is my last chance! He took my arm I don’t know how it happened We took the floor and he said…

Oh, don’t you dare look back Just keep your eyes on me I said, you’re holding back He said, shut up and dance with me This demon is my destiny He said, ooh-ooh-hoo! Shut up and dance!

The final chorus continued to play and the two of us were going at it, I could sense and hear quiet cheers and wolf whistles, yet Blitzo’s voice filled my ears and drowned it all out.

Ooh-hoo, shut up and dance with me!

And just like that, the music halted and the two of us were in a bit of a position, me dipping and holding his body down, our eyes locked onto each other, the crowd coming back to life with a roar of an applause. They witnessed everything and as much as I wanted to look around and see everyone, Blitzo kept my face looking directly at his. “Hey, don’t focus on them. It’s okay.” I smiled down at him and nodded, the music shifting back into something more exciting and full of life and sending the crowd’s back onto the floor.

“I didn’t know you were so good at dancing, Blitzo.” I said, complimenting him on his dancing and wondering where he picked that up, then again, it hit me that he’s been bugging a married couple for Satan knows how long, and he’s been on the surface a few times.

“You go around, you know some folks, you pick up some new things, learn a few tricks.” There was a small moment of silence. “Alright, I picked it up from Moxx and Mills.” I had a feeling. Right as I was about to say something while bringing back up onto his feet, I was the one to be dipped this time and caught off guard. “Now pucker up, cutie~” And with that, Blitzo kissed me sweetly and passionately, my vision getting blurry as my eyes fluttered and my heart was more soothed and relaxed. I will admit that Blitzo has kissed me on numerous occasions, but this was something he never pulled or did and it was immensely surprisingly and completely satisfying. I didn’t want to ruin the moment at all. In fact, I wanted to make it even better. So I decided to surprise Blitzo with something up my sleeve, slipping my tongue into his mouth and catching him off guard, only for our tongues to collide and intertwine with each other, his claws yanking and gripping me closer to his body, our lips still locked together for a good couple of seconds and right as we finally pulled away, there was an embarrassing amount of saliva attached to my lips and his, a dark blush hitting both our faces. “Well, that was, I wasn’t expecting you to do that.”

“Yeah, wasn’t expecting that kiss either, heh.” The silence between us was high but was soon broken with Blitzo speaking up again.

“Alright, I’m just gonna say it. I know you’re probably thinking it too, are you going to make love to me already or what?” My eyes widened in surprise, my body heating up in response and while I was expecting a lewd comment or question, he was just completely straightforward with it, no hints, or riddles, just straight from the head.

“C-Can we go to the car now, like, right now?” I asked, hoping he could sense the desperateness in my voice, along with the look of lust in my eyes. Yeah, he definitely saw it, without a doubt. That smile of his, how he licked his lips in front of me, shooting a sexy glare at me, tonight was going to be a ride, in more ways than one as Blitzo swiftly picked me up in his arms and carried me towards the car bridal-style, grabbing a few eyeballs as he did.

“Of course~” We soon made our way outside and Blitzo finally set me down, not even bothering to look around if there were any watchers who were late to the party, as if he were planning something.

“Something wrong?” He didn’t reply with a vocal answer, but instead, what came next was what made this entire night probably the best homecoming ever. I’m going to spare the details, but what came next was pretty saucy.

Sometime Later…

I found myself rising out of bed to the sight of several dimmed lights and within seconds, the awareness hit me hard. I wasn’t at home. I was in Blitzo’s home. “Morning, sleepyhead.” The imp to my side greeted, not wearing anything like me as I hid myself under the sheets. I half-expected him to be dressed in some cute horse-themed pjs, but no, he was full-on naked under the sheets, his legs touching mine.

“Hey, Blitzo. I, umm, should I ask how I got here?” I questioned, preparing myself for the story that Blitzo had to tell, this should be good.

“Before you ask, because I have a feeling that’s the first thing you’re thinking about, your brother and his friends are fine. They got home safely and then I brought you down here to rest!” Blitzo explained, my eyes widening in fear at the idea of what he could’ve possibly done.

“For the love of God, Blitzo, please tell me the car’s in one piece. Please tell me no one got hurt.” I begged, shaking in anticipation, and not even hearing the room door open as I turned to see Moxxie come in.

“Actually, I helped drive,” The other imp claimed. “Not to be rude towards your new boyfriend, Elijah, but I had a very strong feeling that if my boss were to drive, it wouldn’t be pleasant. That and he introduced himself and the rest of us to your brother and friends.” Blitzo, you did not. You did fucking not.

“What, they were nice!”

“Sir, excuse my language, but you fucking scared them!” When Moxxie said those words, I didn’t even want to imagine how he scared and possibly scared them for life.

“Oh my God, Blitzo, why…”

“Don’t worry about it, Eli, you’re lucky I didn’t tell them about our little love-making session.”

“Sir, that’s WAY too much information.”

I didn’t know how to feel exactly with my brother knowing about Blitzo and the others, but as the conversation between him and Moxxie continued, I couldn’t help but think about that night, what I experienced with Blitzo and the things we did together, how he confessed his love and then made love to me. It felt unreal to think about knowing that the imp I spent the most time with actually liked me that way. That’s when I smiled and felt really glad that night ended up being in my favor.

#star's notebook #otp: satisfied client #I LEFT OUT THE SMUT #I'LL SHARE THAT LATER #THERE IS SOME SUGGESTIVE STUFF BUT I WILL TAG IT AS #ns//ft #ALSO ITS A LONG ONE #WITH THE SMUT ITS LIKE 5K WORDS #I DIDN'T THINK I WROTE THAT MUCH BUT DAMN #I ALSO GOT A BIT EXCITED GOING THROUGH THIS AND PROOFREADING IT #THERE MAY BE A COUPLE OF ERRORS AND IM SORRY #blitzo #helluva boss #self ship fic

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quixotic-writer · 4 years ago

Text

Right Through the Very Heart of it

A request sent in by: the lovely @birdgirl1772 !

Summary: A girl’s trip to New York is not what you had in mind for a girl’s trip, a trip to the clubs was also not what you had in mind for your second night in the city. When things begin to spiral out of control, the compassion of two strangers named Joe and Q will change your mind just a bit.

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The city that never sleeps: New York, New York. This is the destination of our girl’s trip vote and one I think i’ll probably hate the most. I was the only one that voted against it wanting instead to go to Seattle and just have a relaxing, calm, slow paced trip. Here I am now, shuffling desperately through my luggage to find a dress to wear for a trip to the clubs tonight trying to buy myself more time to mentally prepare myself for this evening’s antics. I tried protesting that as well. I insisted we could opt for something more my speed like a broadway show instead, but Ari and Bella just wouldn’t budge and that I HAVE to go. Clubbing it was for tonight’s activity then I guess. I had to remind myself that it wasn’t just my trip, they deserve their share of activities too.

“Come on girlll, pick a dress so we can gooo!” Bella calls from the couch of the hotel room, already dolled up in her midnight blue skin tight dress, raven black hair curled up in loose waves. Her legs dangled off the arm of the couch and she scrolled through her phone.

“Is it a las vegas extravaganza sparkly red night, or is it a sleek black dress kinda night?” I ask over to Ari who is busy looking at herself in the bathroom mirror. She adjusts her wine red dress and teases at her blond hair. She makes her way over to me and peers over my shoulder as she looks at the two lovely dresses I had in each hand. Her eyes narrow as her gears go in her head.

“Black dress, always made you look super hot. Simple is nice y’know, guys like simple especially in a place where everything is complicated.” I wasn’t really looking to get lucky tonight, just mingle and see if anyone sticks out. I shove the red dress back into my luggage and bring out the black spaghetti strap ruched dress holding it up to get a good look at it. I don’t think I ever got a chance to wear this at home, maybe tonight is a night of trying to be an upgraded version of myself. Ari made a good decision, this was probably more New York speed than the other one. “Now don’t be too long getting ready, the fun is waiting for you!” I roll my eyes and step into the bathroom to get myself all gussied up.

When I finally emerged from the bathroom, feeling clean and collected, Ari and Bella’s eyes widen and so did their smiles. I give them a whole 360 spin to show off all the goods I got going. I lacked self confidence, but the energy they had buzzing was enough to get me going.

“Look at you baby girl. If I was a lesbian or a guy, i’d eat you up that’s how good you look.” Bella exclaims.

“Girl I would not want to leave the club without getting your number if I saw you. You look HOT!” Ari chimes in. I feel my confidence soar and I felt a lot better than I did earlier.

“Well, let’s head out then ladies!” The girls hoot and holler as we get our shoes on for the night. Despite the good vibes we had going, deep inside I feel a sense of unease in the pit of my stomach, but I play it off as nerves. It’s been a while since i’ve been able to have fun so i’m determined to have fun tonight, dance with my girls, meet someone, get a little loose. I’ve been so uptight all the time that maybe decompressing and letting go is what my spirit craves and needs.

We walk down the crowded streets of times square, the lights of the signs are so bright it almost seems like it’s still daytime. The streets are packed with people who have somewhere to be, zany street performers doing their thing with swarms of people around them, cars that never stop honking, and people never stop shouting. People kept bumping into me, cat calling after me, and staring. It’s all starting to get a little overwhelming and I feel a sense of dread rising deep in the lowest part of my abdomen and my chest. It all slowly started building and nearly becoming too much for my senses and I tried to ignore the instinct to run back to the hotel room and hide under the covers for the rest of the night.

“Guys? How much farther? Getting a little cramped and anxious here.” I ask as we keep our stride down the side walk, men yelling obscenities to us with a hunger for exotic attention.

“Just another block and around the corner. Don’t get yourself so wound up already, our night is only beginning!” Ari grabs my arm and links it with hers, my feet stumble trying to keep up, but I push forward anyway. Just one good night is all I want.

We finally find the place Ari had been raving about this morning and we stepped inside. Loud music flooded my ears, dim lighting was a change from outside, the seats at the bar are half full, and there are people everywhere chattering away. It seemed like an average bar to me, not sure what there is to rave about like Ari had.

“I need a drink.” I say as I start making a straight shot to the bar. Maybe a drink and a small buzz will help ease my nerves, get me going for the night and keep whatever energy in me alive.

“There’s the party girl we’ve been searching for!” The girls follow me to the bar and we all take a seat, a bar tender with glasses and of seemingly Puerto Rican decent smiles and comes over to get our drinks.

“Back so soon Ari? And I see you brought some friends as well!” He greets us warmly and is already preparing a drink in front of us.

“Of course, last night was fun and I knew I had to bring my girls. Ladies, this is Sal! He runs this ship and sure knows how to make a hell of a drink.” We both smile and introduce ourselves as he slides Ari her drink. “You remembered the drink I got last night? This guy is fucking incredible.” He look proud of himself as he raises his eyebrows and smiles.

“So what can I get for you ladies?”

“Long island iced tea please.” I shoot out immediately, both Ari and Bella turn to look at me shocked. I’m not really one for drinks, let alone some of the stronger ones.

“Damn girl, you’re just diving in aren’t you? If that’s the pace for the night: can I get a screwdriver please.” Sal nods and begins making our drinks. In the meantime I look to others around the bar and I notice Ari had peeled away and wandered off to talk to a guy at the end of the bar with her drink in hand. She has her flirty face on, guess I won’t bother her for the rest of the night.

Sal places my drink in front of me and I take a long sip hoping that the alcohol in this drink will kick in soon. It warms my esophagus as it goes down and I already feel that I might regret this drink later. I sit at the bar and watch silently as Sal and Bella chat away. I was off in my own head trying to block out any bothersome and intrusive negative thoughts. Any thought that came to mind, I took another sip of my drink until I had either drowned the thought out or had nothing else in my glass. I eventually reached a point where I started eating the ice in my glass to sop up whatever alcohol was hiding in there.

“C’mon! Let’s go dance!” Bella grabs me by my arm almost making me bump my empty glass off the counter top. We shuffle over to the open space that was occupied by fellow drunk patrons moving to the music and Bella starts grooving immediately, swaying her hips in smooth motions feeling the rhythm and matching tempo to the tunes that poured into the room. I, on the other hand, tried dancing but I moved in stiff awkward motions, feeling uncomfortable and scared to accidentally bump into anyone around me for fear of it turning into a confrontation.

Before I knew it, Bella had managed to slowly peel away just as Ari had and was off dancing with some other guy and we started drifting away further, and further from each other until I was virtually on my own. I felt sense of regret and dread pounding at my lungs like someone had punched me straight in my sternum and bruised my ribs.

“I don’t belong here.” I say quietly to myself as I stood completely still feeling isolated from the social circle around me. Everything felt like a blur around me, faces seemed like smeared oil paintings, the lights felt brighter than the sun, and the room felt like it was spinning. My lungs felt as though they had stopped working and I was beginning to drown in the warm air of body heat.

“Hey there hottie.” I see a guy start approaching me, already I felt uncomfortable around him. I didn’t want to talk to anyone, I wanted space, I wanted to be alone, I wanted out of here. I have a glazed over look in my eyes and he just ignores all signals to shut him down and keeps on pursuing me. “What’s a pretty girl like you doing all alone?” He tries to grab for my hips to dance and make a move, but I quickly bat his hands off of me back away.

“Don’t fucking touch me.” I say defensively and my fight or flight kicks in as I slightly raise my arms should I need to defend myself. My nerve endings feel like they’re on fire and shame washes over me as I realize tonight was a wash and that I just want to go back to the hotel more than anything. I kept denying myself my own comfort and here I am now in a situation I feel as though I can’t escape. A confrontation I feared in a place i’ve never been to began unravelling before me.

“What’s you’re deal psycho? Can’t a guy just dance with a girl?” He raises his voice and steps a little closer to me. I immediately mentally shut down and I felt as though I was dissociating and off on a whole different plane of existence.

“Hey buddy, back off and leave her alone. She’s obviously not interested.” An older looking guy with spiked up gray and white hair steps in and chases the guy off. He turns to me and rolls his eyes. “The nerve of some people. Are you okay? You looked a little anxious and I wanted to make sure you felt safe. Name’s Joe by the way!” He asks with concern riddling his face. I couldn’t speak, my voice felt trapped in my throat and everything around me began overloading all my senses until my legs gave out and I was left on the floor shaking feeling helpless.

Immediately Joe sprung into action dropping to his knees next to me and supporting me up so I didn’t fall back any more. He looks around to the oblivious crowd that felt like walls closing in on me.

“Hey! Hey! Give her some space, back up!” He waves his hands gathering everyone’s attention. The crowd turns to me and immediately part to create a circle of space and safety around me. I hugged all my limbs in tight close to me, I looked around frightened as tears tracked down my face. I felt mortified, I was making a huge scene. “Okay, take a moment breathe, I know someone who can help. Q! get your ass over here, got a situation!” He rests his hands on my shoulder to stable me and it felt warm and I felt solace in it.

l had sealed my eyes shut trying to block out the overwhelming number of faces and eyes on me. When I opened them and looked up again, another guy with short salt and pepper hair, a scruffy beard and mustache, and sleepy looking eyes steps into the ring. I assume he’s Q. He kneels down next to Joe and in front of me. They start talking to each other and I can’t quite make out what they’re saying, but they both occasionally look over to me so I assume Joe is filling him in on my unfortunate circumstance. Once they’re done talking, they both redirect their attention back to me.

“It’s okay, he was a firefighter, he knows how to help.”

“Hey, not trying to be a wise ass but you’re having an anxiety attack right now. What we need to try first is steady your breathing, okay? Take in a slow deep breath through your nostrils, hold it for a couple of seconds, then slowly exhale through your mouth. Let’s do it together.” He removes his jacket and places it on me as he speaks in a calm tone, his eyes never leaving mine. He begins the exercise and I follow as he does, I felt tension inside me slowly begin to release. Joe never left my side through the whole process, he speaks calmly repeating over and over “steady, steady. you’re doing great.” and other sweet messages as he lightly rubs up and down my back providing father like comfort to me.

“Okay, now that you’re breathing is a little more steady, let’s get you grounded. Tell me some of your favorite things, anything. A place, colors, flowers, just keep going okay. It’ll help distract your mind.” I nod as I was finally able to catch my breath.

“Carnations are my favorite flower... I love spring time... Royal blue is my favorite color with lavender being right under it... My favorite animal is a jellyfish because they look pretty...” I continue listing things and it helps take my mind off of everything that just happened as I try and think of the next thing to add to my list. Soon the sense of panic that was pounding in my chest eased away. The moment I feel 100% better again, I finish off my list. Q smiles to me and so does Joe.

“You did great. Are you feeling well enough to get back up on your feet?” He outstretches his hand and I take his hand. He lifts me back up to my feet and he walks me over to the bar. Everyone else around us went about their business as though I didn’t freak out at all. “Maybe stay away from alcohol for the rest of the night, stick to water. Sal! A water for the pretty lady!” Joe slides a small stack of napkins to me.

“I’m not trying to be rude sweetie, you just cried a bit and I want you to be able to touch yourself up.” He gives a soft smile. I take the napkins and wipe up underneath my eyes. When I look at the napkins I see all my makeup wiped up on it, most of which was some mascara that seemed to stream off my eyes. Sal places a glass of water in front of me and looks me in my eyes with the same look of concern Joe and Q had given me during my break down.

“Where’d your friends go? You doing okay?” He asked leaning over the bar.

“Don’t know where they are, but I think I made some new ones.” I say smiling to the men that surrounded me. “Thanks for helping me out, I don’t even know what happened.”

“It was the right thing to do, I wasn’t gonna let some random guy harass a woman who was clearly not comfortable with him. I’d be pissed if someone did that to my wife or daughter.” Joe says with a slight twinge of anger in that last sentence.

“You needed help, and it’s nothing to be ashamed of. We all need a little help sometimes.” Q says raising his own glass of water to his statement. I smile and awkwardly chuckle as I raise my glass with him.

The rest of my night was spent with Joe, Q, and Sal (when he wasn’t serving drinks). We talked the whole night away about why I ended up on a trip to New York, I talked about my home town and they talked about Staten Island being theirs, and childhood stories and tales from adulthood were shared as well. It was simple, sober, clean fun. It was all I really wanted from tonight.

Joe eventually left to go home, I bid him farewell and gave him a great big hug. Q and I were left at the bar to continue chatting away, and I gotta say, he was really charming and dare I say kind of cute. We laughed together for what felt like forever and I didn’t want it to end. To think, just an hour or so ago, I just wanted to be in the hotel bed watching shitty movies by myself. All good things must come to an end though, as it started getting a little late, my eyes grew a bit heavy. It eventually became too much to ignore and it wasn’t in my agenda to fall asleep in a bar I just had an anxiety attack in.

“I think I should head back to my hotel room and call it a night. That anxiety attack really wiped me out.” I let out a small yawn.

“Let me drive you back then, I don’t want you taking a cab alone or walking the streets this late at night.”

“You’re not like an axe murderer are you?” I joke with him.

“No I am not. I’m too stupid to get away with murder anyway.” He retorts back.

“Well I just don’t want you going out of your way...” I felt bad, I had burdened him enough with having to deal with my anxiety debacle.

“It’s no problem, let’s get you the hell out of here.” We both say our good bye’s too Sal and head out to find Q’s car. We finally stumble upon the cherry red jeep and I feel surprised to see it. “Are you judging my vehicle choice?” He cocks his eyebrows and smiles.

“It’s just such a loud color for such a seemingly calm and soft guy.” I tease. We hop in and headed out on the road. It was a short ride but it also felt long because of how tired I was. I leaned against the frame of the window, resting my head feeling the sleepiness slowly starting to take more and more control. Q tried helping me out by blasting some up beat music and giving me a special performance by singing along to all the tracks. He was just too cute.

When we reached the hotel, he parked the car and hopped out with me and took his time to walk me all the way back to my room. It’s small gestures that mean the world to me and that show that someone cares, and Q was clearly someone who cares. It felt crazy and in my head all I wanted to spend more time with him. We reach the front of my door and I turn to him and smile as I rub the sleep from my eyes trying to stay coherent for just a little longer.

“I can’t thank you enough for tonight.” I say bashfully as I hug my arms around my body. It was then I remembered something: “Oh my god, i’m sorry I still have your jacket!” I start frantically removing it but he stops me.

“Keep it for now, gives me an excuse to see you again. Which, speaking of...” He brings his phone out from his pocket and hands it to me. “If you don’t mind, i’d love to get to talk to you more and maybe see you again while you’re here. I had a great time tonight.” I gladly take his phone and input all my information. I see as he watches with a big grin on his face. I hand him back his phone and unlock my room door.

“Thank you again, Q.” I say softly. I caress his face and bring it in placing a tiny kiss on his cheek.

“Not even on the lips?” He jokes.

“Give’s you something to look forward to.” I wink at him and I see his face tint pink. “Get home safely.” I say as I begin to retreat into the room.

“I’ll message you tomorrow. Good night!” We both smile to each other and I head inside. I cover my face with my hands, smiling into them as my heart explodes with joy. I throw myself onto the bed and stare at the ceiling as fireworks go off in my head. For such a shitty night, it was the best i’ve had in a while.

#brian quinn #impractical jokers #joe gatto #sal vulcano #x reader #suki writes #request #fluff

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zankivich · 5 years ago

Text

Neighbors: Shawn x Plus Size Reader Chapter 13

a/n: Hi there. This is going to be good. I promise. Take some deep breaths. Relax a little. Let yourself fall into it. There’s a lot of build up here but it will all make sense in a little while. I promise. If you hate it that’s cool, you can come yell at me. I’ll understand. But I love you? If you like it enough to want to buy me a ko-fi I’d love you forever!

Trigger Warnings: details of sex, anxiety attack

*y/n’s point of view*

Going home is good for a while. You start a huge campaign with Roger’s Stadium to do their new branding. It’s kind of Shawn adjacent, but distant enough that no one brings it up that your boyfriend just happened to sell out a show there. You got to pick someone to help do the low-level research and you quickly paired up with Stu. It meant late nights in the office with your best friend doing what you did best. Marketing was your thing. Understanding different demographics of people and what got through to them best was something that you’d never had to be taught in the classroom. It came naturally. So communicating your product, connecting with people was just fun for you. It just so happened to come with a lovely commission on the side.

You meet with Gina, to confirm and solidify your pitch, but also apparently for a wellness check. After a lifetime of male bosses, you’d never once had one of those, but the second you sat down in her office she quickly flipped the lid on your ipad and made you talk about yourself instead.

“How are you?” She asked.

Your eyes widened slightly. “I...I’m good. How are you?”

“I’m okay,” She chuckled. “You’re used to jumping right into things, aye? Is that it?”

“I guess. Most bosses usually just want me to do the job and move on.”

“Ah. Then this should be a lovely change of pace for you. I have no interest in what you do professionally if you’re not doing okay holistically. The two are deeply intertwined. I’m not saying we’re going to be best friends. In fact we probably shouldn’t but, if at no other point in your day is someone asking you how you’ve been, let that be what your time with me looks like, okay?”

“Okay.” You murmured letting your shoulders relax slightly. “Okay.”

“So I ask you again, how are you doing y/n?”

“Things are good, actually. Stu and I work so well together that sometimes I can’t tell when our friendship stops and when the work begins. We just understand each other’s minds in a really productive way, so it’s really nice to be able to work together.”

She gave you that smile again that said you were doing something wrong causing you to pause again.

“What?”

“I guess I’m just curious how often when someone asks you how you’re doing you immediately start talking about work.”

You signed, hands twisted up in your lap as you struggled to maintain eye contact with her.

“Yea well...There’s not really much going on for me outside of work right now so?”

“Really? What about that famous boyfriend of yours everyone’s always yapping about?”

You snorted. “Famous boyfriend is getting ready for his very famous tour in England at the moment.”

“England, aye? That’s where you flew out to a few weeks ago right?”

“Yea. We uh had a fight that was bit my fault, so I went to apologize and smooth things over. He’ll be heading for Amsterdam come March though.”

She nodded. “That’s a lot for you to handle, I’m guessing. You must fly a lot to go see him? That’s hard considering your job here.”

You peered down at your lap again.

“This is actually the first time we’re doing the whole long term long distance thing. I’m sure we’ll be fine. It’s all a learning curve though. I uh I was planning on going to Amsterdam for the first two shows but that will probably be the last time I leave for at least a few months. I won’t see him for most of the year.”

“Well, shit. That just sucks.”

You smiled. “Yea, little bit. But he says he’ll fly back as often as he can. And with social media and technology now a days I can still talk to him for like hours. We’ll be okay. The hardest part is just keeping myself busy, and thankfully I’m pretty good at that.”

“What about family and friends?”

“Family is...complicated. Friends is Stu and his boyfriend Brian. Most of the people in the office are much older than me though, and we just don’t really care about the same things. I’m good though, I’ve always been the kind of person to go out and do whatever makes me happy. I don’t need a bunch of people around for that.”

She laughed again. “Well isn’t that nice to know. I suppose you can show me your pitch now.”

She loves it. And it’s incredibly validating, and takes a lot of stress of your shoulders. Now all that was left to do was to present the real thing and hope that they liked your design. It seemed like a cause for celebration. So you and Stu made plans to get all gussied up, go out to a fancy dinner, and get wine drunk together before eight pm. You tried to give Shawn a call, he knew how stressed you’d been about it after all, but it went to voicemail. So, you tucked your phone in your purse and went out to have a good fucking time.

“To being in our mid-twenties and finally hitting the fucking glow up! We are in our prime motherfucker!” Stu grinned cheersing his glass against yours.

You snorted. “We sure fucking are. When Ari said it feels so good to be so young and so successful, bitch was not lying.”

“Ugh. I wanna die and come back as that song. I thought that the thing I hated you most for was getting to see Shawn Mendes’ dick in person, but I think it’s that you have the ability to meet my fairy godmother, Ariana Grande, and there’s just nothing I can do about it.”

You peered over at your best friend over the rim of your glass with raised eyebrows.

“Stu...Are you sexually attracted to my boyfriend?”

His eyes widened slightly and his lips parted like a goldfish flopping on a dry surface begging for water. The idiot.

“To be fair...The entire office wants to fuck your boyfriend. Not just me!”

“Wow...That does not make me feel any better you sleez!” You chortled. “You’re my best friend!”

“It’s not like I would pursue it! Besides, Shawn Mendes was on our hall pass list far before you two were playing footsie behind my back.”

“I beg your pardon? And stop calling him by his full name, it gives me the creeps.”

He rolled his eyes at you. “The minute that man figured out how to put on a suit, Brian told me straight up if he ever found out Shawn went the other way, he would leave my ass in a heartbeat.”

“Jesus. So the whole world wants to screw my boyfriend?”

“Little bit, babes. But, you’re the only one who gets to! Don’t worry about the rest of us horny idiots.” He smiled.

“Have I ever told you how good you are at consoling me?”

“No.”

“Good.” You smirked. “You suck at it.”

He swatted at you playfully allowing both of you some time to look over your menus. At least that’s what you thought you were doing. It only took a few minutes of not so subtle stares for you to get the hint. The more you got used to being with Shawn the more you picked up on stuff like that.

“What is it now, Stu?” You sighed plopping your menu down.

“Well...Don’t take this the wrong way, because I completely don’t mean it in a predatory, creepy one at all but...What’s the dick like?”

“Oh god.”

He sighed. “We used to talk about all our hookups! I just want to know that my bestie is getting the dicking down that she deserves. It just so happens that this is internationally famous dick.”

Your best friend was a complete and total dumbass. But, you loved him. And you loved Shawn. And quite honestly not getting to share your experiences with someone was tough. It was hard because you knew Stu might not be able to relate to some of the things you were now experiencing as a result of your relationship, but he was also the person you went to for just about everything and vice versa. Also...sometimes a girl needs to gloat.

You peer around the restaurant as if a pap or one of Shawn’s fans might be lurking around every corner. (Sometimes, it felt like they were.) Stu leaned in in his nosey ass manner

“So like...it’s the best dick I’ve ever had in my life.” You whispered.

“Shut the fuck up.”

You whined dramatically. “I wish I was kidding. The whole hour and a half shows every night of the week translates so well into the bedroom. His stamina is unlike anything I’ve ever seen. His breath control allows him to go down on me for insane amounts of time. I’m talking like the bastard has evolved gills or some shit!”

Stu cracked up laughing and clanked his glass happily against yours.

“To evolving gills, bitch!”

You snorted happily and cheers’d with him again.

“Wait Stu, something happened.” You murmured moving closer in your seat to lean across the table.

“What? What?”

“So I went to the UK obviously to make up for things and I found this plus-size lingerie store while I was there so I thought it might get his mind off things if we like had some fun or whatever.”

“Okay….AND?”

“And so we’re doing...you know, it. And out of nowhere this dominant side of him comes out that honest to god made me wetter than the ocean seas.”

He raised an eyebrow at you. “What the hell does that mean? What did he do?”

You bit your lip taking another gander around the restaurant only for him to swat at you about getting shy just as you were getting to the good part.

“I was somewhat bent over, I guess you could say.”

“Great so you were doing doggy style, get to the kinky shit, sis.”

You rolled your eyes. “I don’t know… It just like started to feel really good and I had a feeling that I was going to…”

“Cum?”

You shook your head softly.

He gasped. “Squirt?”

You nodded.

“Oh. My. God. He’s really dicking you to explosion.”

“Yes. That is accurate. Anyway, I’ve never done that while he was in me before so I guess I started pushing against his hips because it felt so good? And he pulled my arms behind my back randomly and literally fucked me through it. Even when I was screaming louder than I’ve ever screamed before. He said, and I quote: ‘Baby, just let me give it to you. Let me make you feel good like only I can.’ and I just...holy shit Stu it was the best orgasm of my life.”

“You memorized a quote during sex? That is the biggest dick energy I’ve ever heard in my life. I have to go home and now slap my boyfriend because you’ve told me that story. I hope you’re satisfied, ruining other people's relationships. Holy shit, y/n.”

You licked at your lips and smile up at the sky as if God had something to do with it and not your wonderfully aggressive boyfriend.

“Yea. I know.” you sighed dreamily. “I love him.”

Meanwhile…

*Shawn’s point of view*

“What’s your problem? Y/n not texting you back?” Brian asked as Shawn tossed his phone back onto the couch.

He rolled his eyes. “No. But I am a perfectly grown adult who doesn’t need his girlfriend’s constant validation to feel secure in our relationship, Brian!”

“That what the self-help books telling you, bud?”

Brian was walking past after having turned the tv on and he very purposely tripped him. Jackass.

“Is you not getting to blow your load at least three times a day gonna make you an asshole this whole entire tour?”

He reached for a pillow and quickly socked his best friend in the face.

“Why are you such a dickhead, dickhead?!” He snorted. “There’s nothing I can do about having an incredible sex life. That is not my fault!”

“Incredible sex life, my ass!”

He put his hand over his heart and gave him the most sincere face he could offer.

“Bri...it’s a great fuckin’ sex life. Best of my whole life.”

“What does she shoot beams of light out her pussy or something?”

“This is why women hate our whole gender by the way. No, jackass, but she might as well. She is soft and passionate and beautiful and...vocal. Everytime I think I’m in control she does something to put me in my place. It’s wild. She’s fuckin wild.” He sighed collapsing back against the couch. “God, she’s perfect, man.”

Sure, he missed her. He always missed her. But, he also just appreciated everything about her. And talking about their love life wasn’t out of disrespect at all. It was more like bragging out of love for everything that they were together. And also because when it came to sex...they were kind of incredibly good at it.

“You two fuck like bunny rabbits. I’d almost be impressed if it wasn’t a complete inconvenience ninety nine percent of the time.”

Shawn rolled his eyes. “How is our love making an inconvenience to you, oh poor wonderful Brian?!”

“Oh don’t even get me started! Exhibit A, you invite all of us over to your apartment for a party in December. We’re supposed to get incredibly hammered and play mario kart. Not even forty-five minutes into the damn thing, you two assholes disappear into the bedroom, WITH the game system I might add, with the door locked for over an hour. The only reason you even came back out was because y/n wanted more tequila!”

“Hmm...that was a beautiful night. She sounds like a symphony when she cums.” He sighed to himself.

“Gross. Exhibit B! We go to the after party for the billboard awards. It’s supposed to be a good fuckin’ time for everyone--”

“Hey! We had a good fuckin’ time that night! We shared a blunt with Post Malone, Alessia, and fucking Ariana Grande. What could you possibly have to complain about?!”

“Why yes Shawn, that we did. But do you remember what happened after that?” He paused for the briefest of moments before very quickly continuing on. “Y/n for some reason found you smoking to be the hottest thing in the world and decided that she had to have you right then and there. You two left the fucking party and Alessia and I had to uber back to the hotel.”

“Well that is...yea I don’t really have an excuse for that one. Not our best moment. But trust me you didn’t want to be in that car anyway, I ripped her dress that night. It was a bit of a shit show. The only reason the paps didn’t get us was because we penguin waddled inside to hide it.”

“The moral of the story is, as happy as I am that you guys are trying to set an olympic record for fucking, you both suck!”

“You’ve got me there. We both suck...incredibly well I might add.”

He hit him with a pillow and left the room. What are best friends for anyway?

*y/n’s point of view*

“How are things going with Bry?” You asked as Stu worked to pack their bowl.

What better way to celebrate their wonderful friendship date, then ending it with a little weed?

He lit the bowl and took a deep hit, letting it sit in his lungs as he handed it over.

Stu groaned. “They’d be fine if he would get his shit together and propose to me already.”

You took a hit of your own and laughed.

“If you want to marry him so much, why don’t you propose?”

“I’m the one who asked him out in the first place! I’m the one who single handedly kept our relationship going through college. I told him point blank that he needed to propose and for some reason, five years later I’m still missing a ring on my finger!”

“Do you want me to talk to him? Give him the hint?”

He rolled his eyes. “As wonderful as that sounds, no. I want him to want to be with me. I just want him to take a little initiative ya know?”

You each took another hit of the bowl and leaned against each other and the high took over.

“I get it. You want to feel confident in your future. You wanna know he’s gonna be there when you need him. That’s a valid feeling.” You assured him.

“We’ve just been together for so long. And most of the time we are so good together. We communicate well, we have fun together. I just want to know that we’re both feeling the same things. Sometimes he seems so sure that he just thinks we don’t need to talk about it at all.”

“Damn. I think Shawn and I might be the opposite. I think all he wants is for me to talk more.”

Stu chuckled. “No shit. It took me getting you high in my college dorm for you to even tell me anything even remotely personal about yourself. Shawn’s sappy ass probably thinks it’s like talking to a wall.”

“Very funny asshole. I can’t help it okay? I’m the baby of four kids. By the time I was growing up, no one had time to listen to me whine and complain about shit. Shawn just...he understands all of his emotions so well, and he spends so much of his life reflecting on everything no matter how busy he is. I’m trying though. I know it’s necessary, It’s just hard.”

“Do you think you two will be okay with all the touring?” He asked.

Wasn’t that just the million dollar question? You didn’t know how to explain that when you were together it seemed like you could take on the world, like you could do anything together, but that when you were apart you’d never felt weaker. It all feel so sappy and so high school. Not being able to live on your own and per your own person? You wanted to be better than that. And admitting anything else out loud, even to Stu, shook the very foundation of the persona you were trying to force yourself to be.

“Shawn thinks we will be.” You mumbled.

“I didn’t ask what Shawn thinks. I’m your best friend, you can tell me of all people.”

“It’s just harder when we’re apart. So, I fly into whatever country he’s in and we fuck and we go out to dinner and maybe we get high because that’s all there is when you’re together for two or three days. And it’s not until I come back home that I even realize it. Cause when we’re together, I can’t imagine being anywhere else. I could honestly sit in one of those green rooms and just watch him all day, and I’d be happy. I love him that much. But when I get some distance, when I’m back home I realize just how little there is. How little there will be for the rest of the year. I just...I guess I’m hoping I can hold on. Because when I’m with him? It’s the greatest pleasure I’ve ever known.”

“Holy shit babes...That’s deep. C’mere.”

He wrapped his arm loosely around you. You passed the bowl back and forth a few more times until the world grew fuzzy and calm and you were each happier for it. It was a good way to end the night.

***

It’s four in the afternoon. You have a meeting in fifteen minutes to go over revenue for the department. These meetings always made you super anxious. You were the only female senior executive, so any conversation you had about revenue was always in a room full of men. It didn’t help that a lot of the assholes in the office didn’t like the way you were offered the job and definitely held a grudge. You were always dead set on having the best numbers, so no one could say shit. Your stomach was tied up in knots and you just wanted to get it over with, so you could go home and drink a glass--or three--of wine. You’d been stressed about it all week, and it only made it worse that you had started sleeping in Shawn’s apartment because the smell of his sheets was sometimes the only thing that could lull you into sleep only for the smell to eventually fade away. There was tension in your neck and in your shoulders from the tossing and turning, and you just needed the week to be over.

Your phone started to vibrate on your desk and you almost chucked it at the wall. When you saw that it was Shawn wanting to facetime you honestly weren’t sure if that made it better or worse. But, Shawn tended to get anxious when you didn’t answer, so you took a deep breath and opened the phone.

“Babe!” He smiled immediately as his image came slowly into focus.

He must’ve been walking somewhere with the team cause he wasn’t looking at his phone right away. You didn’t really have time for this.

“Hey Shawn. Look, what is it? I’m uh I’m kinda busy.”

“Wait just one sec.” He scrambled a little with the phone before he was finally staring at you, wild curls and beautiful brown eyes to boot. “What’s wrong? You sound stressed.”

“I am stressed. I have a meeting in ten, Shawn; what can I do for you?”

He frowned. “I don’t need you to do anything for me. I just wanted to see you. Hey Jake, I’m gonna go sit for a minute alone alright? I’ll be back.”

“No, Shawn don’t--” But he was already walking away from the group.

“What’s going on, right now? Talk to me.”

Your initial instinct was to tell him nothing was going on, that you didn’t want to talk, you just wanted to muscle through. But you couldn’t help but remember your conversation with Stu a few days ago. It felt hypocritical to say you were trying to communicate if every time your boyfriend asked you to communicate you shut down.

You closed your eyes and pinched the bridge of your nose between your thumb and forefinger.

“I have a meeting, okay? That’s all” You mumbled feeling like an incessant toddler.

He nodded. “Okay, you have a meeting. You’ve told me that. You’ve got a meeting that’s stressing you out. You look flustered. What else is going on?”

“Nothing else is going on. I’m just really stressed at the moment.”

He sighed. “Sweetheart, you don’t need to fight me on this. I only want to help you. You’re breathing is uneven. Are you feeling anxious right now?”

“I--I don’t know. Yea, sure, I feel anxious.”

“How long have you felt anxious, honey?”

“Shawn, what the hell does this have to do with anything?!” you snapped the irritation getting to you.

“I think you might be having an anxiety attack. Try and take a deep breath with me. I know you’re feeling upset, but let’s just breathe for a little bit.”

“An anxiety attack? Shawn what--”

“Hush. Just fucking listen to me okay?”

You stumbled into silence and watched as your boyfriend did his best to calm you down. He had you lean the phone against your desk so that you could place one hand over your stomach and the other over your heart. He had you use your stomach as a guide to let your lungs fill with air, breathing slowly and letting the tension in your back and neck to ease out. His voice was low, calm, and incredibly soothing in your ear. You may have offered him comfort before, but this was something new entirely. At least Shawn could tell when he needed help. You were so delusional about your own wellbeing that you hadn’t even been aware you needed it. It wasn’t until you felt your heart rate calm and your shoulders drop that you felt infinitely better. With this relief came a rather odd rush of sadness that left you crying in the middle of your office in broad daylight.

“Hey,” He cooed face moving closer to his screen. “Why are you crying, y/n?”

“I don’t even fucking know.” You sighed trying to catch the tears before they fall. “I really thought I was fine, Shawn. I thought I was okay.”

“That’s alright. That’s why I’m here. To catch the things you let slip. You do the exact same thing for me all of this time. It’s okay to lean on me once in a while, you know?”

You nodded softly with a sniffle. “I really do have to go to my meeting though.”

“Go. Call me when you get home from work okay? Take a shower, relax a little bit. I’m a few hours ahead of you here, but just call and I’ll be there. We can talk through it.”

“Okay. Okay, I’ll do that.” You mumbled.

“You’re gonna do great, sweetie. I love you so much, okay?”

“I love you too. I’ll talk to you later.”

*four hours later*

“Is that my bed?” Shawn asked leaning back with an arm behind his head with abs on full display.

Ugh.

You nodded. “I’ve been sleeping here a little better lately...Is that okay?”

“Yea! Of course it is. Nothing makes me happier than you sleeping there. That spaces is yours too. That’s why I gave you the key to begin with.”

“Okay.” You murmured not being able to hide the smile that his words brought to your face. “You could probably send me a sweatshirt or something that you’ve worn recently though. The sheets hardly even smell like you anymore.”

He grinned. “I’d love to sweetheart. It’s just that by the time something could get to you from Amsterdam, I think you might actually have already flown to Amsterdam. I’ll be sure to send you back with plenty of material.”

“Good.”

“So...you ready to talk about it?”

“Ugh, I am surprised you're not a licensed therapist with how much you want me to talk about my feelings.” you whined. “How did you even know it was an anxiety attack?”

“I just remembered when I was going through my panic attacks at first, that I didn’t even know what they were called. The doctor said these two words, panic attack and anxiety attack, and I didn’t really know the difference. They sort of sound the same. But you know how like when it gets really bad for me it’s like...super quick? Like one second I’m just thinking about something bad and then the next I can’t see my way out of it?”

“Yea. That’s usually when we start breathing together.”

He smiled. “Exactly. I guess anxiety attacks can be a little slower. My doctor said they can actually happen over a period of days. It’s what makes them harder to detect, but it can also make them much harder on the body. It’s like thinking about something until it consumes you. Not being able to sleep, irritability--even at very lovable and cuddly boyfriends, muscle tension. You seemed to check a lot of boxes, honey.”

“I’m sure loveable and cuddly boyfriends was right in the symptom description, aye?”

“You’re deflecting.”

“You’re digging.”

“I am trying to take an ounce of burden off your back, and you are making it incredibly difficult.”

You closed your eyes and took a deep breath telling yourself to stop being such a little bitch. He was there. He wasn’t going to leave. You could trust him.

“It’s okay to talk to me, y/n. I’m not going to hurt you.” He murmured.

You groaned. “I know. I know.”

“It’s just that...if it were anyone else I’d say that you should find someone to talk to, anyone to talk to but I . . .I’m supposed to be your person. You’re my person and I just--I don’t know y/n, how do I help you through this if you won’t let me?”

“I’m trying Shawn. I swear I am.”

“Hey I know. And I’m trying to be understanding of how hard it is for you. But, I’m also trying to help. I’m gonna need you to at least meet me halfway.”

You nodded sullenly, fingers bunching up in the blankets at the thought of failing him, of not being able to be what he needed.

Shawn sighed. “It’s uh...it’s getting pretty late here. Let’s just talk tomorrow, yea?”

You peered at him through the phone unable to discern how deep of a situation this was from halfway across the world.

“Are you angry with me?”

“N--No. Honey, I’m not angry. I’m just...tired. I’ll call you when it’s morning for you okay?”

“Okay. I love you, Shawn.”

“I love you too. Get some sleep.”

That was certainly easier said than done.

***

*Shawn’s point of view*

He’s in the middle of a meeting when his phone starts to buzz on the table. And he can’t help but reach for it just in case it’s y/n. It is.

y/n: so I couldn’t sleep last night. Surprise. And I just kept thinking about everything that you said, and it made feel really shitty.

y/n: not to say that you made me feel shitty just that that’s how I was feeling

y/n: anyway. I couldn’t sleep, so I tried to think about how I feel and I tried to write it down. I thought I could share it with you. Idk if it’ll help at all I just don’t want to keep letting you down.

y/n: so check your email if you have time. I love you. K. Bye.

And of course the rest of his meeting is absolutely useless. Of course all he can think about is her, about what she might be thinking, about what she might be feeling. And there’s a much bigger part of him than he’d like to admit, that’s wants nothing more than to fly home and cuddle the hell out of her until she gets some rest. The distance between the two of them felt heavier than ever.

“You’ve got forty-five minutes for lunch. Then we’re at the venue for run throughs. Final creative meeting for tour outfits after okay?” Andrew ordered.

Shawn nodded already in search of his laptop.

“Can you have Jake bring me something for the drive? I’m not gonna have time for anything else.”

“Why not?”

“Something is wrong with y/n. I need to check in okay?”

He was so unwilling to focus on anything other than y/n that if Andrew had anything else to say, he didn’t notice. He set up his laptop and found a space to sit in the quiet and read.

So...This is weird. I haven’t written anything like this since my diary in the eighth grade. I just um am tired a lot lately. I don’t think it’s work because I love what I do so much. I guess that’s not great either because I just keep working even when I’m exhausted. And it’s not you. Jesus, it most certainly is not you. I keep thinking that my love for is going to plateau or something, but it never does. It just keeps growing infinitely. I’m not sure if it’s the distance between us at the moment. When I first got home it actually felt good to get back into my routine. I think it’s not until I can’t sleep that I roll over and see you aren’t there that it hits me. It’d just so odd for me Shawn. I want to hold you and talk to you and I can’t because you’re not here. And there isn’t anything that either of us can do about it. I’m not used to there not being a solution. I’ve always been so good at solving things, that now that I can’t I feel like a waste of space. And I know that if I told you you’d tell me to call you but you’re six hours ahead of me right now. Everytime we talk it feels like I’m keeping you from something more important, and I don’t want to do that. I want you to be happy and to tour and have all the success in the world. I think also, and this is just me being honest with myself, even with the people I’ve loved most in my life I haven’t always had my needs prioritized. My mom. My brothers. My dad. So I really try to take care of myself and prioritize myself. I never learned how to let someone else do it for me, because every time I tried I got let down. Your so endlessly kind to me. And you love me like i’ve never been loved before. Me not letting you in when I’m struggling is not malicious it’s just innate. I’m trying to unlearn these things and it’s much harder to do when I don’t even realize that I’m doing them. I’m sorry if I upset you. I’m sorry that you stayed up for me last night only to be disappointed. You mean more to me than a hundred of these pages could explain. I know I keep asking for time, for some leeway, and maybe your getting sick of that. I guess I’m sorry for that too. I promise you it’ll be different, if you let me try. I want to try. I love you enough to do that for us.

He sits with it for a while. There’s a feeling in his chest that he’s never had with y/n before and then there’s another feeling into response to it. He gets out the app on his phone and meditates for a while because he just doesn’t know what it is at first. And it isn’t until after he’s breathed for twenty minutes and they’re in the car on the way to his next meeting that he gets this overwhelming wave of deja vu. It’s so visceral that he feels himself become sixteen again. He watches himself get off the plan in Toronto and drive to his first girlfriend’s house. He watches him explain to her that he’s got to go away and live his dream, and that them being together is only going to hurt her, that it would kill him to keep hurting her. This idea that...it doesn’t matter how much we love each other, it’s never gonna matter, because all I’m ever gonna do it hurt you. And if I love you, if I truly and genuinely love you, then isn’t the greatest act of love I could ever show you to let you go?

It fills him with anger. Anger because this was meant to be different. In hindsight it makes him feel like a child who had been shouting at the top of his lungs that he knew something that he so clearly didn’t. Maybe Andrew was right. Maybe Brian had gotten annoyed for a legitimate reason. Maybe their love wasn’t what he thought it was. Or, even worse, maybe there love was everything it felt like. Maybe it was larger than the two of them, maybe it was complex and beautiful and wonderful. But, maybe that only meant it would consume them in the end.

After that there’s nothing but sorrow. Because his thread, his being, his life was so deeply intertwined with her’s that he could see no way out, couldn’t imagine not being with her.

For the first time in a long time he was completely at a loss. And it seemed as though he had opened up a can of worms that was only going to hurt them in the end. What the hell was he supposed to do now?

Taglist: @kitykatnumber @lou-and-me @ourlittleshawnie @mutuallynotmutual @wanderingmendes @peacedolantwins2 @chels-nyc @justbeingoceana @hayyitsfayy @claredolphinbear24 @september-lace @literallyshawn @mchutchmendes @liliane106 @iloveshawnieboi @samwillllson @illloveyouforever1 @grittyisaho

#shawn mendes #Shawn mendes fanfic #Shawn mendes fic #Shawn mendes fanfiction #Shawn mendes fluff #Shawn mendes angst #Shawn mendes au #Shawn mendes one shot #shawn mendes smut #Shawn mendes series #Shawn mendes blurb #Shawn mendes x you #Shawn mendes x y/n #Shawn mendes x reader #Shawn mendes x fat reader #Shawn mendes x thick reader #neighbors fic

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blackandblue13 · 4 years ago

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things william schuester should have been arrested for (season one):

01.01 - pilot

existing

teaching spanish

taking over glee club

not wearing a shirt

putting mayo on terri’s sandwich

framing finn for having weed and then blackmailing him into joining glee club

“accounting is sexy”

01.02 - showmance

getting a license plate that says “glee”

thinking that “freak out” is a good song for glee club

rapping

making emma so sad that she locked herself in her car to cry while listening to sad music in the pouring rain

“everyone loves disco”

being shirtless again

trying to “cure” emma of her ocd

apparently not knowing how to count to ten bc that was Not ten seconds

giving rachel’s “don’t stop believin” solo to quinn

01.03 - acafellas

being a bad choreographer

thinking that starting a hip-hop a cappella group in his living room is a good idea

being shirtless again?

abandoning glee club for acafellas

rapping again

not tying his bowtie

01.04 - preggers

breathing

not understanding birth

not being tough

intruding on ken and emma during lunch

saying that he’s one of rachel’s only fans

tried to teach football players how to dance

01.05 - the rhodes not taken

telling emma about quinn’s pregnancy without asking finn beforehand

bringing back april rhodes

01.06 - vitamin d

doing whatever fucking thing that was with his tongue

guys vs. gals competition (sexism)

tossing a baseball between his hands?

“celebrity judge”

stressing out sue

designating emma as the “celebrity judge”

having to go to the bathroom while ken proposed to emma

that Look he gave emma towards the end of the episode? yeah i don’t like it

01.07 - throwdown

looking like a crazy person

that vein on his neck

punching sue on the arm

threatened to destroy sue

has curly hair (makes it hard for sue to trust him)

bad at teaching spanish

touched sue on the arm even after she threatened a lawsuit

licking his lips

trying to dance

was mean to sue (even tho she was mean to him too)

“because you’re all minorities. you are in the glee club”

01.08 - mash-up

“bust a move” is one of his favorite songs

unbuttoned his shirt in a public high school (he had a t-shirt on underneath but it was still gross)

more rapping

sang sex lines that seemed to be directed towards the cheerios

danced?

annoyed kurt with his dancing

wearing sunglasses indoors

he put the shirt back on but he didn’t button it up and his t-shirt underneath is a v-neck and i can see his chest hair that’s disgusting

is he rapping again? twice in one episode??

he cannot dance and yet he is “dancing” around emma and he’s singing ken’s favorite song this is completely inappropriate

tripped on emma’s wedding dress train when he was trying to dance

danced in the middle of a wedding dress store

smiled at emma

01.09 - wheels

bad at spying

01.10 - ballad

sang “endless love” with rachel

caused suzy pepper to eat a really hot pepper and burn a hole in her esophagus and enter a 3-day medically-induced coma

01.11 - hairography

drinking milk

wrong about sue’s interest in glee club

“here’s the problem with sue sylvester” wrong, there is no problem

step ball change

he gave rachel a Look during the jane addams school’s performance of “bootylicious”

tried to be intimate with his wife

hairography

01.12 - mattress

blocked terri from seeing the tv

was out of line with emma

the entire interaction with terri scares me every time. it wasn’t a healthy relationship for either of them, but he was still way too aggressive when he confronted terri

used a mattress (although he didn’t know he wasn’t supposed to use it)

used the phrase “gussied up”

01.13 - sectionals

talked over emma

01.14 - hell-o

mentioned alexander graham bell (who was, in fact, a bitch)

looking at emma like that (omfg gross)

“i could just lean over and kiss you if i want to. and i want to” shut the fuck up

sang over neil diamond

cheated on emma with shelby

associated the same song (”hello” by neil diamond) with two different gals (terri and emma)

made emma cry again (count: 2)

01.15 - the power of madonna

being a man

stole madonna from sue

had too much margarine in his hair

insulted sue

wore a v-neck

01.16 - home

wore another v-neck (gross)

01.17 - bad reputation

his shirt too many unbuttoned buttons

“performed” “ice ice baby” (if you would call that a performance)

he rapped, he danced, he got the rest of the glee club to do the “ice ice baby” backup and they danced with him. these poor students. they don’t deserve this.

is a slut

isn’t good enough for emma

man-whore

thought he could make it up to emma with flowers and a sad apology well sucks for you william but she’s too good for you

01.19 - dream on

too much unbuttoned

sang aerosmith for a “les miz” audition

audition outfit straight out of a 90′s boyband

got the lead in “les miz”

insulted bryan ryan and made him want to punch will in the face

01.20 - theatricality

doesn’t think vampires are real

made out with rachel’s mom (not in this episode, but i knew he was thinking about it when mercedes told the new directions about shelby)

too much unbuttoned

he mimed the string instruments when the boys were singing “beth”

didn’t have an actual lesson in mind

touched tina’s shoulder yuck

slow clap

01.21 - funk

broke sue’s trophy

the way he looked at terri during the whole divorce-signing scene? disgusting

creeped santana out

suggested that the new directions prank vocal adrenaline in retaliation

then called it a “harmless prank” when puck and finn slashed the range rover tires of vocal adrenaline

“we are gonna get funked up”

“~funky town~”

zoned out when rachel was talking about jessie breaking her heart

hitting on sue

wasted two minutes of sue’s time

will: you ain’t got / me: *mutes the volume*

this entire number jesus fucking christ i can’t look at the screen i can’t go into detail or else i’ll be scarred for life

why is he seducing sue

he took his jacket off put that thing back on this instant william

not another v-neck

he enunciated way too much and got way too close to sue’s face

made sue think she had romantic feelings for him

got sue flowers and appletini carbogel things

said he and sue had chemistry

“the only thing i want is sue”

touched sue’s hair

asked her out to dinner

“you know what wednesday is right? hump day”

that fucking look yuck

led her on and stood her up

another unnecessary v-neck

caused sue to pull out of nationals

went to sue’s house

wouldn’t let the glee guys beat up jessie and the rest of vocal adrenaline

touched rachel’s phone (babe you gotta boil that)

he only has two buttons on his shirt and both of them are undone

licked his lips

almost kissed sue

his breath stinks of mediocrity

01.22 - journey to regionals

his hair looks like a briar patch

invited the new directions to his house? is that legal??

stopped his car in the middle of the road

and cried

said that glee club sucked (nine months ago) (when there were only five of them)

got emo

almost became an accountant

~journey medley~

made fun of finn’s dancing

his offstage dancing sucks

kissed emma

made sue sad

hugged rachel

touched her shoulders

played the ukulele

way too much unbuttoned. you’re in a school, william

#baneet watches glee

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500wordtheology · 5 years ago

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Detour: The Good Place Conclusion

Please forgive me, I’m about to break protocol. Normally this blog is dedicated to theological topics and I strive to keep each post at around 500 words. Today’s post will certainly be theology related, but it is extremely unlikely I will be able to keep it brief. Should you want to skip this post, feel free to click here to advance to the next blog entry.

The TV show “The Good Place” has now concluded. If you haven’t seen it, close this window and go watch the first season. It’s great. Possibly one of my favorite single seasons of any TV show ever. Genius creative work, and brilliant comedy and heart.

I cannot say the same for the final season, and especially the final two episodes. That is what this blog post is about, and in case it wasn’t obvious:

COMPLETE SPOILERS FOR “THE GOOD PLACE” AHEAD.

I will not recap the show’s four seasons here, nor even the episodes being discussed. This is written for those who have already seen them. Instead let’s jump into exactly how, unfortunately, the conclusion of the show failed both morally and creatively.

Please understand I do not write this as some stuffy critic. I lived the life of a stuffy critic in my younger days, and while it is a lovely boost to the ego, it is empty and dumb. I’ve learned that much at least. The reason for my critique here is because we as human beings need to KNOW this stuff. We need to not be tricked into shallow thought.

Where It All Falls Apart

The Good Place made a number of mistakes with the final two episodes. Let’s discuss the errors and try to make clear where things went awry (and how/why they were hand-waved away).

The penultimate episode, “Patty,” introduced the idea that an undisclosed amount of time in Paradise would cause you to become a boring, intellectually-stunted zombie. Apparently even the greatest thinkers who ever lived who managed to get into the Good Place only ever wanted milkshakes and orgasms, and instantly abandoned all big questions about the Universe for simple Hedonism. (And yes, it’s very true that Hedonism is empty and meaningless.)

This outcome makes very little sense, and I am unsure if it was a result of running out of episodes (which would be a shame, because the early bits of the final season were often dull and it would have been far better spending more time exploring these later concepts instead of cheap laughs at the expense of stereotypical, hollow characters introduced and then thrown away) or if it was simply bad and unimaginative writing. Considering the fantastic writing of Seasons 1 and 2, and sometimes 3, this is extremely puzzling. At any rate, it shows a serious lack of creativity.

Here is an important truth that was almost totally avoided in these final episodes: The question “Why?” does not disappear simply because you can conjure up a Coke and some sunglasses any time you want. Those questions remain. They might even move more to the forefront of the mind. Why are things the way they are? Unanswered, unexplored. Not just unexplored by the writers, but unexplored by the characters like Patty who were set up to have been in the Good Place for an undetermined amount of time (but “long”).

This is the ultimate problem with exploring Philosophy without also exploring Theology alongside. Interviews with the creator of the show consistently have him bringing up things like Buddhism or Hinduism, but strangely absent are Monotheistic religions. Why is this? For starters, I expect it is because many of the loudest voices in the modern Western world do not care for such concepts. They don’t like what it entails. If we are not in charge of our own ultimate destiny, which is the case when God exists and has made you with a purpose of his intention, our ego gets a slap in the face.

And it should, because that is what our ego deserves when it is out of order, but that is another post.

Anyway, it is possible this choice was made to avoid ruffling feathers of media and the societal elite. It is easier to play it safe, even for a show that tackled some very large concepts like morality.

It is also possibly because studying such religions requires a great amount of work. Heaven, in Christianity, is not a fluffy cloud where you get everything you ever wanted (like margaritas and monkeys in go-karts), where you sit and play a harp (or guitar) all day and also, hey look, your childhood dog is there. That is a foolish, childish caricature of Heaven, but unfortunately has become widely accepted as true simply because people refuse to go study further. So mistruths are believed due to ignorance. Cartoonish ideas are thought to be accurate, because non-cartoonish ideas are hard and sometimes extremely uncomfortable.

It’s more than a shame.

Not only is Heaven infinitely better than such a stupid caricature, but it isn’t even the final destination! New Earth and bodily resurrection comes after. However that is Christianity, and The Good Place makes its own version of heaven instead. A cartoonish one. Fine. But even ignoring that, the problem The Good Place’s ending faces is in the mantra “Death makes life meaningful.”

Here’s the kicker: That’s not untrue. And because it is not untrue, we can quickly and easily get extremely confused. In fact, go read some reviews of the final episode from a number of popular websites and you’ll find they herald this truth. Because in our earthly life, it is right to say death makes this part of our existence precious.

The problem, and it is a HUGE one, is they then transpose the earthly lesson onto eternity. Ignorantly (and forgive me for this is not an insult but a statement of why they claim it, they simply don’t KNOW and I realize even saying such a thing is unpopular) they claim that eternity would be “like this life but longer.” And yes, if that was eternity they might have a point. However even within the universe The Good Place has created that is not accurate! We are shown concepts like The Time Knife, and IHOP, and Janet, and the Judge. These things alone make eternity not simply Earth-life-but-forever. And here arises a major problem, because the writers suddenly go from thinking reasonably large to thinking utterly small, right at the end when thinking big is so important.

Creativity is boundless. The Good Place was certainly not short on creativity! At least… up until the end. At the end what you had was creative bankruptcy. A nihilistic conclusion that there is no real meaning - except this conclusion gussied up with terms like “peace” and “love” before folks walked off to their annihilation. It is, in fact, the gussying up that I have the biggest problem with. It is a flat-out lie, paraded as some virtue.

This is detestable. Tricking the viewer into believing such ridiculousness as “if you’re ready to die, you should do it and your suicide is a good thing. The best thing, even. The only way to be happy forever.”

I am sorry, but this is not only trash, it is dangerous trash. I hope I do not need to go into detail as to why.

Retirement for All

Let me jump slightly sideways for a second and point out something extremely telling: The “solution” that everyone got on board with at the end of it all was The Eternal Shriek.

Think about that for a second. That is what their solution was. The thing that in Season 1 and 2 seemed (rightfully) so horrific.

Now immediately one might say “Oh, no, that is not the same at all! The Eternal Shriek was a forced thing, the pretty gate in the forest was a willful decision.”

Really?

WAS it?

This is the response the writers want you to have, and it is one, again, of shallow thinking. This is the trick of the pretty forest scene and the constant throwing around words like “peace” and “calm” and “love” at the end. What we learn from the show is that the Forest Gate ends up being everyone’s ONLY ultimate option. Tahani, after mastering demonic/angelic architecture, will be left with the same ending. She will “be ready” but only because she has no choice but to eventually be ready. It is no longer a choice, but, as Eleanor says in the show itself in Season 2 “It’s a crappy deal, but it’s the only one we get.” Even after all they’ve learned (and have the potential to learn, let’s never forget that aspect) they play God (but far worse, because they are not God) and give humanity the *same deal* they say is crappy and lament how it is the only deal they got.

You might also say “Oh, no, the Eternal Shriek had all that awful stuff like having your soul scooped out with flaming ladles.” Yeah? What of it? You’re not conscious anymore (otherwise Michael wouldn’t have lamented “no more me” when he had his existential crisis) so the desecration of your esense and the atoms of your body are as meaningless to you as if someone dumps your cremated ashes in the forest vs. in the ocean. Or, yes, even in a rubbish bin.

Note the throw-away joke of the creature Derek has become. In his final speech (before getting rebooted again against his will) he mentions the heat death of the Universe. Let’s not ignore that. We are left by the writers (manipulated, really) with warm fuzzy feelings as one of Eleanor’s golden particle-thingies lands on a person who then does something decent instead of cruel. But what is not shown (because it would harp on our buzz) is that man will die. Michael will die. They will be annihilated and then, eventually, all humans will die, the earth will die, the universe will die, Derek will die, Janet will die, the Good Place will die, the Judge will die, and the final pretty gold sparkle will no fall on some new person to help them improve, but instead cease to Be entirely and have absolutely no meaning at all. It will all amount to exactly the same in the end as if the Bad Place guys ran things.

To use the pretty analogy of the show, “The wave will still be water and return to the ocean,” but then the ocean will disappear entirely for no reason or purpose and even the wave and water will be worth nothing. (They don’t note this second half, because that second half doesn’t make you feel good. Yet it lurks there, undiscussed and ready to pounce and surprise.)

This is the stark, awful truth of a purposeless universe and existence. It is an awful thing, but it is the truth if that is the worldview we’re exploring. (A reminder this is not the truth of God, though. God loves you, and you do not exist for no reason. A necessary reminder because when we start to really dig in and explore nihilism it gets “real dark real fast.” We need to hold onto the Light at such times.)

At any rate, what then seems to separate the Eternal Shriek from the Forest Door is only that the last fleeting moments are located in a peaceful looking (though ultimately doomed) place. The results end up being identical. The final option of The Good Place ends up being the worst-possible-option of The Bad Place: Annihilation. This is the “solution” the writers came up with. The one they themselves made fun of in previous episodes (rightfully so, because it is terrible.)

And yes, it is that big and important. The *foundation* of ideas is precicely where they either stand firm or topple and crush everyone around them. We must dig deep when it comes to what we think and believe.

Selfishness and “Love”

Here I will break and tackle another awful, awful thing these final episodes support: Complete selfishness as somehow compatible with Love.

Jason is not all that bright. But generally he seems to have a good heart, particularly for those he cares about. Yet after completing a single perfect round of a video game, he chooses to leave the not-a-woman he loves forever. To abandon her, because he just doesn’t feel like sticking around anymore.

What?

But okay. It’s Jason. I was willing to suspend some disbelief for the sake of the character, who is a few crayons short of a box.

Then Chidi does the same thing.

WHAT?

This is utterly absurd. Here the writers want to write what they want to write, rather than be honest. It is one of my biggest convictions that an author must be honest. He or she may nudge things in certain directions, but if the author of a story ever forces a character to do something against their character, that is not only poor writing but completely dishonest. It is the lowest form of storytelling to do such a thing. And we find it here.

Chidi, by his own admission, has a sense of calm and peace. Chidi is just fine. Yet he knows his choice to kill himself (annihilate, really, because we need to be crystal clear on that) will hurt Eleanor deeply. It will cause her extreme pain. He still chooses it.

My friends, that is not love. That is also not Chidi.

Love sacrifices for the beloved. And in this case, Chidi wouldn’t even be sacrificing much if he stayed, because we’ve already established he is at peace and internally calm. So rather than maintain this feeling, or even work to be better IF other feelings arose in the future, he checks out on Eleanor. Quits on her. Deserts her. (Leaving her a hedonistic even if hilarious calendar, no less. Fun joke but morally what the fork.)

Loving relationships in our modern age have taken a severe hit. One reason may be that we think this is how you should treat someone you love. “Me first” has become the battle cry of the age.

No, my friends. Love first. Always.

I anxiously await Heaven and New Earth. But also I love my wife, family, and friends. If I must stay here to support them, I will. Even if “there and then” is better, it doesn’t matter. I love them. I will remain for them. (I will even eat kale and exercise if it means I get to remain here to support them a little longer than if I only ate bacon and browsed Twitter from bed all day.)

Beyond that, I will remain because God has me here for a purpose. But since The Good Place did not deal with such topics, resorting instead to vague concepts of “helping people is good, so totally do it” and the like, I will even abandon this particular train of thought for this discussion. Even if it was ONLY my wife, family, and friends, they are worth it. Love is big enough to cause me to keep going for them.

Yes, Eleanor was noble in letting Chidi go. But Chidi was completely ignoble for going when he knew, without a doubt, she wanted him to remain. That she was not ready.

I think this may be one reason after thousands of years (or whatever a Bearimy is, they keep it vague on purpose and that is very clever of them) Chidi and Elenor are still calling each other “boyfriend and girlfriend.” They REFUSE to commit. Why? Because a husband does not walk out on the wife he loves and we know it. We all know it. Deep inside we know that is not what a husband is meant to do. That would make Chidi a horrific husband. But walk out on a girlfriend? Eh. Sure. Not great, but okay. The world says that’s not so serious. Walk away, dude, no one will care.

Sorry, Good Place writers, I care. I care deeply.

Why?

Here is where we get to the meat of it. WHY do I care? (Especially as a number of people point out to me “it’s just a TV show.”)

I care because I have SEEN what real love brings with it. Bliss. Not hedonistic happiness, but JOY. Ecstasy beyond frivolous ideas like orgasms. Delight beyond mere milkshakes and talking pandas. Glory. Perfection. Eternal Good with no end.

It is better, and it is worth striving for.

What happens when we accept and perpetuate ideas like “It is totally fine to abandon people you love as long as it is in your own best interest” is that it degradates our concept of love itself. Love becomes lesser and watered down. This is the same with divorce. Divorce is never easy. Sometimes it is necessary. But it SHOULD never be easy. And honestly? It SHOULD never be necessary. It’s because of our sin that the necessity arises. Here we see the problem not with eternity, but with eternity WITH sin still permitted. Yes, eternity breaks when we are simply “us” but “forever.” (Even if it is slightly-better-than-on-earth “us.”)

Going back to the idea of love, when we chip away at love and redefine it to mean something lesser we open the doors wide for awful things like what Chidi did and what Jason did. Selfish things. And newsflash, for anyone who didn’t already know, WE WANT TO BE SELFISH. It is in us. We desire to look out for number one, and always have number one be us. This is why the great command is “Love God, and Love your neighbor as yourself.” Because we already know how to love ourselves. Loving ourselves is “I don’t feel like being here in paradise with you anymore, bye.” We are called to do better than that.

Real love is epic, you guys. Real love is flippin ridiculously good. It redefines GOOD itself. We shouldn’t settle for the “this is nice” false love that is tossed around these days as if that is the bar. That is a garbage bar! Raise that puppy to where it belongs!

When you experience the utter glory of God and his love, it changes everything. The cheap love the world peddles becomes laughable. But not just laughable: sad. After I watched the finale and read review after review online where people heralded this idea of “eternity would be boring without death” I cried. I laid on the floor and cried for a world that doesn’t know God. That thinks this is all there is, or that boredom could ever come about from true paradise. Forgive me, but what shallow thinking that is! What despair, without even knowing it.

Alas, this is what people are taught. Let us never forget that Story does not just entertain us, it teaches us. It molds us. This is, sadly, the emptiness The Good Place ends up teaching as its last lesson. “Do good, because it’s good (don’t ask why), but then abandon doing good if it means you get what you want.” Hedonistic Nihilism is the conclusion they offer, spit-shined so you don’t think too hard about it or feel too bad. Yes, feel a little bad, they want you to do that. But not bad enough to really think about how the hope and golden particles of light in a peaceful forest are a trick to shy away from ultimate meaninglessness and selfishness behind it.

This is the final moral of the show, and it is desperately sad. This is the emptiness of Philosophy without God. And when it is sugar-coated like they sugar-coated it, it is a cyanide pill that tastes great and goes down smooth.

You know, until it kills you.

#goodplace #the good place #God #theology #philosophy #review

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iainwrites · 5 years ago

Text

A Samhain Brouhaha

Harry Dresden, trick-or-treating with Maggie, Karrin and Mouse. And a tie to the earliest stories I posted on here.

“Charity, you can trust me.”

“Harry, I know you’re trying to be a good man and do right, but you’re also Harry Dresden and that name doesn’t inspire a lot of trust, especially for what you’re asking for.”

“What I’m... All I’m asking for is that I can take her out for one night. That’s all.”

“I’ve heard that request before, and we both know what came of it.”

“It was an accident! How was I to know...”

“Yes, Harry. How were you to know? Something like this means you need to know, and to be prepared for whatever might happen.”

“... Mouse will be with us. Do you trust Mouse?”

“I trust Mouse with her life. But Mouse is just one dog and...

“Murphy will be there, too.”

“... I suppose I can trust Mouse and Karrin to keep an eye on her. And you too.”

“Great! Thanks, Charity. You won’t regret this.”

My name is Harry... Well, you know the rest. Wizard and Warden of the White Council, Knight of Winter, Warden of Demonreach, yadda yadda yadda. It feels like I have more titles than the Cubs at this point, and they all mean something different to someone. After a while, it just gets tiring repeating them all, and they seem to lose their importance.

A few years ago, none of this would have meant much for my personal life. I lived alone, with nothing else in my life but my work and a few people kept at arm’s length that I could call my friends. It’s funny how the years can change things. As the world turned, my life kept getting more and more... complete, I guess. Filled, maybe. I found out that there are people who look up to me, then that I had a brother, got a dog, found out I had a daughter, then a sort-of-girlfriend-I-think. Oh, and I died once, became possibly irreversibly connected to one of the greatest powers in the magical community, might possibly be losing my morality, and am currently the master of a jail that makes Area 51 look like an amusement park. But those things aren’t as important as the family side.

All of my history, those titles and that backstory doesn’t mean much tonight. Everything else is pushed to the side, and tonight I’m wearing only one of those mantles. Maybe the most valued one. Tonight, I am Harry Dresden: Dad. And with that mantle comes a responsibility like no other I have shouldered before.

“Alright, Maggie. We’ll go whenever you want to. Charity made sure I know the list of houses that we can go to, and Mouse-bacca will make sure that anyone who's acting too spooky won’t bother us, okay?”

“Okay...”

“What? You don’t believe in the Great Mouse-bacca? I mean, he might not look like much, but he’s got it where it counts, right?”

The walking carpet that is my dog actually manages something that sounds closer to a Chewbacca warble than his usual chuffing sound. Matched with the belt slung around his middle and a little bit of brown dye, it’s hard to mistake him for anything other than a Wookie. The rest of us are dressed in a way that makes it impossible to see us as anything but nerds.

Maggie, with the help of a mother who has spent more years making costumes than anyone else I can begin to think of, is dressed up in a Rey costume, complete with a little lightsaber. Karrin and I nearly came to blows over what we were going to wear. I’m... well, ME, so of course I’d be the dashing and roguish Han Solo, right? And my partner is a giant, furry thing. It practically writes itself! Karrin argued that I’m the dork and should be Luke Skywalker, while she’s the cool guy with the gun. She may have also mentioned something about being able to kick my ass. And so here she stands in her black vest and over-sized pistol at her side and looking (damn me for saying this) appropriately Han Solo-y.

I wasn’t content with being Luke, and am not nearly old enough to be rocking the Sir Alec Guinness look, so I settled on something a little more my style. Thanks to a mop of hair as a result of living out on a deserted island for way too long, a scar across an eye thanks to a past encounter and a penchant for flirting with the dark side of magic, I gussy myself up as an over-sized Anakin, pre-lava bath. With a little help from Andy, we managed to make up a casing for my blasting rod that looks like the hilt of a lightsaber. A little focus and the blade lights up with a nice shade of blue, thanks to a little help from Winter. We couldn’t figure out how to get it to sound right, so I end up making the sounds myself. All in all, we look like a nice, nerdy family out for some trick-or-treating. And that’s how it all began: a nice, nerdy sort-of family trick-or-treating together.

I was worried when we started out that all of the costumes, noise and excitement might be too much for Maggie. I mean, there’s a lot that usually goes on during Halloween night. For the normal people, at least. There’s the noises, the lights, the people running around costumes that go from home-made to movie quality. And while she starts off close to Mouse, Murphy and me at any particular time, she eventually starts to look the way she should: a little girl out on Halloween, hitting up houses for a sugar fix. She might not be running around Hell and Creation like some of the other munchkins out there, but there is a smile on her face, and a little bounce in her step.

Mouse, Murphy and I take turns going up to doors with her, each of us to varying degrees of success. Mouse always seemed to be a lock for more candy, because whenever she comes back the bag feels a lot heavier. When she goes up with Murphy, Karrin comes back with a smile on her face, with just a hint of conflict hidden underneath. A part of me wants to ask; the intelligent part knows to stay quiet. The detective part of me has suspicions. When she was married to Rich, there was tension around them having kids and her staying home to take care of them. Going up to a door with a kid for Halloween and being told that your “daughter” is cute is probably playing around in head each time.

When I take her up, I get to experience my own brand of head and heartache. I keep hearing them ooh and ahh over her costume, and how sweet or cute or cool she looks, then there’s the looks up to me. And I hear them say again how sweet she looks. And it tears a piece out of my heart each time. Susan and I should be taking her out for this. Susan should be here with our daughter. Our daughter should never have had to go through everything she’s gone through. She should be living a normal life, spooked of the costumes at Halloween because she has an overactive imagination, not because of what she’s lived through. And I smile, try not to loom so much, thank them and squeeze my little girl’s hand when we walk back to the street. I steel myself for the next time that I’ll hear those words, and try to make the most out of this first father/daughter Halloween.

On my side of the magical divide, Halloween has this recent habit of being more exciting each year. The wearing down the divide between the living and the dead, necromantic rituals, changing of mantles, and the killing of immortals seem like they’re only the tip of the iceberg these days, and there’s always the little whisper in my ear that there’s going to be more. Somehow, I manage to trick myself for a fair portion of the night that this one will be different. That the creepy crawlies from the other side will take the night off and give me a chance to have a well-deserved break.

Yeah, right. The author of my life isn’t ever going to be that nice to me.

The first indication is the sudden jerk of Mouse’s leash. He’s usually happy to trot along at his own pace, with the leash there to show everyone he’s a well-behaved dog. It’s not uncommon for him to stop and smell the proverbial roses; but for him to stop because there’s something he wants to stop, that’s enough to get my attention. The only thing that stands out around us is a small pack of costumed clowns hanging a little ways back. They all have the shabby zombie costume that seems to keep its firm grip from year to year, combined with some cheap masks. The clothes portion of the costumes are pretty good, comparatively; they look distressed, like there was some actual damage to them. I know those kinds of rips and tears intimately. They even got the blood patterns around the tears right.

The night gets cold when I realize that some of the rips and the stains look fresh. And have that quality that costumes either exaggerate or downplay. I look from the costumes to the people (no, things) wearing them. They move in sync, coordinated. My brain goes back to my throw-away description of them and revises is: a little ways back behind us is a small Pack of costumed wolves.

The Pack. A holdover from an old fight some Hunters and I should have finished and buried. They’re a roaming group of monsters who hunt together, and have been the death of innocents and those that have tried to stop them. The legendary Hunter John Winchester worked with the fledgling Black Cats to kick their asses up around their mouths decades back. After a misunderstanding, Karrin and I teamed up with his sons, Sam and Dean, to ring the bell on Round 2. We didn’t finish them off, but I thought we left them with a nose that was so bloody that they’d never want to try hunting together again. Apparently, the lesson wasn’t definitive enough for them, because here they stand, lesser in number but still a threat to everyone walking this street.

Karrin must have realized that we’ve been left behind, because she calls back to us. “You okay, Harry?”

Mouse clues in that I’m clued in and goes from alert growl to “stay way the hell away” growl. “Yeah,” I reply. “Mouse just has to use the little doggy’s tree. We’ll catch up with you in a little bit.”

“You sure? We can wait.”

My gut starts to get wrenched around. I want my daughter to be safe, and safe is away from these things. But if she’s sent away, that means I can’t be there to protect her.

But Murphy will be there, and short of Michael, she’s the one person I know I can trust to keep my daughter safe. “We’ll be there in a bit. I’m going to take Mouse away from the street so nobody has to get caught up in it. Have you been feeding him table scraps again, Maggie? Because you’ll have to clean up you’ve been sneaking taco’s to Mouse.”

My daughter gives off a little giggle and Mouse lets off the subsonic growl long enough to give a happy little chuff. I pat his head, wave to Karrin and Maggie and start to lead him to an alley, digging out one of the plastic bags we’ve been using for Maggie’s haul. I see Karrin look from me to Mouse, to the Pack and unlatch her blaster. Just like I put a case around my blasting rod, she has a plastic shell around her service pistol. It might not be much, but it’ll sure as hell slow down anything that I let get past me.

The Pack seem to size up Karrin and Maggie as they leave. Their gaze stays on them for a very uncomfortable time, before slowing coming back to me. The message is loud and clear: “We saw them, we’ll remember them and we’ll find them.” Yeah? I have my own message.

“Okay, assholes. You were dumb enough to sign up for Round 3, so let’s find a nice quiet corner so I can beat on you like I’m Rocky.”

As they follow me, one makes its way out of the main body, to stand in front of them like a spokesperson. I can tell even underneath the costume what it is, and a fire starts to burn through my veins. Human sized, but not human like. Extra-long arms that end in claws. An unhealthy color that some could pass off as make-up but I recognize as naturally disgusting. And behind the mask, eyes that are weighing and measuring you up for its plate. A ghoul. A ghoul who has seen my daughter. Ever since the Red Court was dealt with, the whole race of ghouls have been moved up to the top of my “Things That World Will Never Miss” list. This one just reserved extra special placement.

I take my hand off of Mouse’s lead as he and I turn in sync to stare at the Pack. The lead ghoul stops only a few feet away from me. The alley is barely wide enough for Mouse and I to stand side-by-side, but that also means that they’re limited by how many can come forward at a time. It’s not my favorite ring to fight in, but there’s been worse. “Okay. Say your piece, then let’s get started.”

“You assume too much, wizard,” the ghoul says to me. I’m not sure if it’s actually speaking English or if I still understand Ancient Sumerian as a parting gift from Lash. Whatever the case, it sounds like a snake slithering over broken bottles. “What stops the hunters at the mouth of the alley from going back out to the street? You? The dog?” Damn it. “No. You will hear what we have to say, you and the beast will die, then we will go out and continue our hunt.”

“Alright, Smiley. Let’s hear it, then.”

“You are known, Wizard. You are remembered. The Pack knows your scent. You went to ground, but have decided to appear again.” There’s a murmur behind the ghoul that could politely described as “agreement”, if agreement was made up of growls and rumbles. “You may have bested us in the past, but that is when you hunted with others. The Winchesters. They are known to us. They are remembered. They will be found.”

For a ghoul, this guy is practically Shakespeare. This is the most I’ve ever heard from one before and it all comes across as understandable. “Alright. So what’s your point here? Are you just going to keep talking until I go into a coma so you don’t have to strain yourself?” I keep my attention off of it and on the ones in the back in case they decide to amscray back onto the street like they were threatening to do. “Because there’s actually stuff that I want to do tonight. If that means I have to walk through all of you to get there, and this sounds weird coming from me, let’s stop talking and get it done.”

“No, Wizard. You do not decide the Hunt. The Pack hunts its prey, and when it is cornered, their lives are ours. You, a human, have no say in what happens. Should we decide to kill you, you will die. Should we decide to eat your beast, it will be eaten. If we decide to hunt your mate and your whelp, they are ours for as long as we wish and for what we wish.”

“You don’t want to do this,” I mutter, while Mouse begins to growl behind me. The only mercy I can think of is that Karrin is away from us, and that Maggie will be safe with her. I might even be able to take a few of them with me. I might be able to protect my daughter from what’s to come.

The ghoul doesn't break eye contact with me, but I’m willing to be to bet that it knows what’s going on and what’s going to happen. The cocky bastard doesn’t even seem to care. “Oh, I think I do, wizard. I think I will.” The Pack behind him shifts, the sounds of claws scraping ground, of bones snapping and reforming into monstrous forms. I get a death grip on the lightsaber case and start to will my power into it.

Why? Why does this always have to happen? I try to take my daughter out for something nice, like a trip to the zoo or out for Halloween, only for things to go sideways on us. This life, this job, this responsibility... I’m okay with it. But I want to be a father once in a while. I want to try and give Maggie a normal life whenever possible, but something seems so damn set in ruining that for us. There is always something that shows up and ruins things and keeps me from connecting with my own daughter. Susan should be here. Our lives shouldn’t be so... wrong. She should be allowed to grow up with a mother and a father and never have to worry about all of these things. All of this is happening and I’m just about ready to...

Something around us changes. I’m not even aware of it until I hear something shift in Mouse’s voice. It still carries a sound of warning, but there’s something else. Anticipation? Excitement? A certain reckless happiness that his human sometimes shows? He’s ready for a fight, but there’s something that’s allowing him to relax, even in the smallest ways. He’s not worried about the fight. From what I hear, he might even be looking forward to it. I do a quick scope around me to see what could flip the switch in him. Turns out it’s a lot closer than I’d ever expect.

It’s my blasting-saber. A firey shade of orange is starting to appear in the core nearest the hilt.

Its old color. Something from years ago that has since been covered in Winter ice.

MY old color. A color of will, and excitement, and barely controlled power, all of it coming from me. Not a mantle. Not a mostly immortal Faerie Queen.

Me.

I bring my eyes back up to the ghoul, and I smile. It’s not a nice smile, but it’s one with a promise. “Let me rephrase that. You’re NOT going to do this.”

The remnants of the Pack shift, the faces under their costume masks shifting. Most of them change their posture and flex their hands, getting ready for the fight they’ve been working themselves up for all night. What they don’t understand is that the moment they looked at my daughter, they didn’t have a chance in Hades.

“Here’s why you’re not going to do that. In fact, here’s why after tonight, you’re never going to see each other every again.” A few give off growling laughs. “I am Harry Dresden. I am a wizard and Warden of the White Council.” “Warden” makes a few of them twitch. “I am chosen by Mab, Queen of Winter, Air and Darkness to be her Knight. I wear the mantle of Winter, and I wear it very damn well.” Mouse has stopped growling by now, as though he doesn’t want to take any attention off of me. “I am Warden of Demonreach, jailer to nastier bastards than you’ll all ever be. Combined.” The blue of my blasting-saber exists only on the outside of the blade; fire is making up the core and it’s becoming a brighter shade of red with my every word. “I am Bane of the Red Court. The one who has outplayed and overcome Death. My ride is one of the greatest predators to ever roam this earth, and I brought it back from millennia of rest. I am Ally to Hunters and Slayers. I know and will invoke the names Winchester and Summers. I have been tempted by and refused a coin of the Blackened Denarius. I have led the Wild Hunt.” THAT gets their attention like I know it would.

The air around us suddenly gets warmer. Almost spring-like, like the nights you sit outside near a fire. There might be a chill in the air, but there’s also the promise of warmth and comfort. The snow starts to melt and the grass can be seen again, and there might even be the faint sign of flowers starting to bloom.

Life and warmth after a snow that never seemed like it would leave.

The various creatures in front of me start to look around, probably trying to figure out what all this means. The quicker ones figure it out and look at me, the hostility they had been showing before beginning to melt away, revealing something almost like fear. But right now? Fear is not enough. Fear can be conquered or forgotten. They need to feel something much more permanent.

“I am Harry Dresden. This is MY city. And this is MY night. I claim it by birth and by my strength.” The tension that’s been building in this little alleyway just... pops around me. If there’s a pressure, I don’t feel it anymore.

“You have threatened my daughter, and I will protect her. Ask the Red Court what that promise means.” I let those words hang in the air, full of meaning and threats. “This is my city, and I will protect it. Ask anyone how far I’ve gone to keep it safe, and what happens to the people that threaten it.” I let my blasting-saber dip until it nearly touches the pavement, which starts to send up wisps of smoke. “The people who live here are my people, and I. Will. Protect. Them. Ask the Heirs of Kemmler and the Black Court what that oath means.”

I don’t make any of this a challenge, or a brag, or something to piss them off. These are all things that simply are. They’re all true, like that the sun rises or that water is wet. You can argue and try to ignore it all you want, but these things are, have been and always will be. I am who I am, and I do what I do, no matter the mantle I wear, or what tries to change me.

“So here’s what you’re going to do. Tonight, I curse the name ‘Pack.’” There’s another subtle pop in the air as those words gain meaning and permanence. Words have power, and I invest a portion of my own self into those words. “All those who live under it do so under pain of... Well, death is too nice. Non-existence. Erasure from history. I will call in every favor, from the crater of Sunnydale to the Isle of Manhattan and every road of that cuts across this country. You will cease to exist. You will never be spoken of and you will never be remembered. And you will all die bloody.” I draw my gaze from one face to another, never letting off until they look away first. They wouldn’t need to Soul Gaze me to know what is on my mind; it’s pretty damn apparent to any of them with half a clue. “You will never run together again. You will not do it under the name Pack, or any other name. Because if I hear so much as a rumor that a group of creatures attacked an innocent person, you’re done. You will be found, then you will be gone. This right here is your only warning. Any questions?”

“And you,” I say to the ghoul. I start walking forward, the cape billowing behind me, my blasting-saber burning a line in the ground. I get right up to its face, and lean down towards its ear. “I really, really hate fucking ghouls,” I whisper. “And I know how hard your kind is to kill. I have experience with that. But you want to know something?”

I whip the blasting-saber down and take its hand off at the wrist. We both look down at it in surprise. I was expecting some burning, maybe a little cut, but not full blown lightsaber action. I doubt it was expecting anything at all. We both bring our eyes back up and I stare it down one more time. “I have one more title for you: I was the Fire of Camp Kaboom. There was a message that was sent back with a survivor. I told it ‘Never Again.’” And I bring the blade flashing up in an arc and sear through its head with barely any resistance. The head drops with a stunned look on its face as the body falls back into the hastily made space its friends make.

“Never again. Never again in my presence, in my city or to my people.” I bring my gaze to each of them once again, but this time, nobody is too excited to look me in the eye. “Do I need to repeat that to any of you?” None of them reply. I snake out the blasting-saber again and take a chunk out of a rawhead and take out what looks to be a rugaru at the waist. That’s the sign they needed to break away and run, but not before I take a couple of slashes at their retreating asses. I manage to down some; Mouse manages to run down another before it makes it to the mouth of the alley. The ones I see escape split up. When I step back onto the street, they’re long gone.

Mouse and I take some time getting rid of the bodies, thanks to some creative uses of Ways and a few convenient garbage cans. The ghoul got some extra-special treatment, just like I promised. I only realized how much time had actually passed when we finally caught up to Murphy and Maggie. They’re less than a block away from the Carpenter’s home, with Karrin carrying an impressive haul of sugar filled goodness. Even with all the best intentions, I still missed my first night of trick-or-treating with my daughter. I try not to let my disappointment show as I lope up to them and ruffle Maggie’s hair.

“Ha... Dad? Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m okay. Just had to help Mouse clean up a mess.”

“Your lightsaber is red. Um... Isn’t red the color bad guys use in Star Wars?”

“A lot of them do. But remember the end of Return of the Jedi?”

“We never finished it. The Emperor... I don’t like what he says to Luke.”

“He’s a pretty scary guy, and his threats are pretty serious. But when he threatens Luke, Vader decides that his son is more important than his master. He decides to fight against the Dark Side.”

“So... Vader... becomes a good guy?”

“It’s... complicated. He did bad things, but family helped him so he could try to be good again. He decided what to do, and that he didn’t want to follow the Emperor’s orders anymore.”

“So, you’re like Darth Vader.”

“... Yeah. And the people I care about are helping me come back to the Light Side of the Force. There’s going to be... bad things in my past, and there are going to be people who tell me what I have to be, but I decide whether that’s who I am.”

“That’s... you’re kind of a cool guy.”

“Cooler than Han Solo?”

“Well Mouse is cooler than Chewbacca, and he’s your partner. So I guess that means you’re cooler than Han.”

I admit, it kills some of the cool vibes, but I squeeze Karrin on the shoulder and as she looks up at me, I stick out my tongue like I’m a kid. I get an elbow in my hip in return, but it’s worth it. I’ve never gone out trick-or-treating before tonight, so my expectations were pretty low. But this was actually pretty fun. And my daughter thinks I’m a cool dad. Yeah. That’s never going to go to my head.

“Hey, Dad?”

“Yeah, kiddo?”

“Do you want to stay after we get back and watch Return of the Jedi? If you’re there, I think I can make it past the Emperor this time.”

“I’d love to, Maggie.”

Murphy gives my hand a tug, and gives a nod of her head to let me know she wants to whisper something to me.

“I don’t know everything that happened, but you were pretty amazing tonight, Dresden. And it’s your birthday. There’s a Slave Leia costume I think we should break in later.”

I love Halloween.

“But you’re wearing it.”

… Happy birthday to me.

#Iain writes #Dresden Files

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