#I just spent a long time venting in paragraphs in these tags but it sounded like a repetitive regurgitation of things I always say

[flitterywings]

so I think I’m in the clear with my kidneys now?? my scans showed other different problems though which is annoying bc I don’t want to deal with more health things 😞

I’m still sick and gonna spend more time trying to get better but at least now it seems like I won’t be going inpatient for my kidneys

[arhvste]

irreplaceable - oikawa tooru

summary - you and oikawa have been broken up for a couple of years but managed to maintain a close and friendly relationship with each other however, it proves to be too much of a challenge for you two to keep your relationship purely platonic. - fluff

an- this was requested on my wattpad i’ll tag the user when i find it, also i have no idea what the hell is going on with the spaces between paragraphs i can’t fix it google docs obviously hates me but i’ll put up with it for now.

warnings - cursing (minimal)

“Hey I think we should break up. It’s for the best right now.”

-

It had been 3 years since you and the famous Oikawa Tooru had decided to part ways. There was no bitterness behind the decision to end your romance, it was just like Oikawa had said, “for the best right now.”. You two had remained close friends despite your relationship status returning back to single, there was no reason to be unfriendly and throw away what you had so carefully and lovingly built up over the past 2 years with each other. Your schedules disagreed with each other and time spent together had slowly but surely decreased leading you both to mutually decide on putting a halt on your romance to prevent the feeling of neglect on either side.

You truly were happy for Oikawa and everything he was achieving and still were just as close to him as you were before, the only difference being you two weren’t exactly physically affectionate anymore. Not that you minded a huge amount but part of you did hang on to the last two words of his break up line.

“Right now.”

Before, you had secretly hoped to naturally rekindle your romance and pick up from where you left off as time went on and your schedules changed but it never happened. Not sure on Oikawa’s thoughts and feelings about the situation, you had decided it was best to move on and you did your best to do that, managing to convince yourself you were over the setter. Deep down you knew you still had lingering feelings for the boy but they were enough to handle and had gotten exceptionally easier to control and ignore when you were around your ex. You were almost certain that those lingering feelings had eventually faded but you always knew the boy would have some sort of place in your heart as your first serious love and you were fine with accepting that.

Whatever Oikawa was feeling about you, it didn’t matter as much to you as it did before. He was happy to be working towards his goals as a professional volleyball player and you couldn't be more proud of him.

Things were fine the way they were. You were still good friends and still hung out together as you did before. Both happy and content with the events occurring in your own lives while still being able to offer support and a platonic type of affection. Things were okay as they were and you were both okay with that.

-

The door slammed open startling you from the couch causing you to snap your head up and in the direction of the front door to your apartment. Your gaze met an irritated looking Oikawa who was currently dripping wet from the rain. Little droplets of water fell from his pretty brown locks which had stuck to his face agitating him further and his soaked clothes that would definitely need throwing in the dryer immediately.

“Bad weather?” you hummed teasingly as you swung your legs off the couch and made your way over to the soaking volleyball player.

“No, the sun is shining, temperature absolutely sweltering as you can tell by my excessive sweat.” he sarcastically quipped back, taking off his puddle filled shoes as close to your front door as he could.

Even after your break up, the two of you would still frequently visit each other's apartments whenever you wanted. Though you weren’t exactly romantically affectionate anymore, you both still found comfort in each other’s presence and the pair of you would visit each other when one of you needed to vent something out or you just felt like a general catch up between your busy and cruel schedules.

You threw Oikawa a warm towel that had just come out of your dryer. He caught it sharply and brought the warm and soft material to his face savouring not only the comforting warmth it brought to his cold skin, but also the relaxing scent of you. Oikawa would never admit out loud but, the scent of you was so familiar to him it almost gave him a sense of home. His pride wouldn't allow him to ever admit to something so sappy out loud to you, at least not for now.

“Go on, you know where everything is, go take a shower and leave your clothes in the basket outside. I’ll throw them in the dryer and make us some tea.” You smiled warmly at him as you made your way past him into the small but clean and sleek kitchen area to fill the kettle with fresh water.

“Thanks Y/N-chan. You’re the best!”

“We can’t have one of Japan’s top rising volleyball stars catching a cold can we? Now when you make it big, you’ll have me to thank because I kept you in good health.”

Oikawa snickered slightly before making his way to the bathroom down the hall in your apartment.

It wasn’t rare for the boy to visit you after training. Sometimes he needed a little extra support or words of encouragement particularly after training sessions he found more challenging or tiring than usual. You were a good listener who gave honest and unbiased feedback and that was something Oikawa could greatly appreciate you for.

After you heard the bathroom door click shut you approached the washing basket and grabbed his sopping wet clothes and threw them into the dryer in the small utility area. Turning it on a quick dry you set the basket back down and made your way back to the kitchen to finish serving the hot tea.

Grabbing two mugs, you carefully poured the hot liquid into them and carried them over to the small coffee table which sat in front of your couch. You went back to the kitchen to grab two plates and a loaf of milk bread you had made earlier. Oikawa had taught you how to make milk bread and you made sure to have some made as much as possible just in case he ever decided to drop by. Your cooking and baking skills didn’t go unnoticed by the setter who decided that “Y/N-chan’s milk bread is the best.”. You smiled to yourself fondly remembering the time he announced that after trying a piece of your first attempt of the recipe.

You heard shuffling noises from the bathroom and after a couple of minutes you heard the bathroom door open. Oikawa made his way over to you with damp silky hair which had perked up slightly, the soft white towel slung over his neck to keep his fresh t-shirt from getting soaked through by the water droplets in his hair and a pair of fresh training shorts.

“You’re always a few steps ahead huh?” He smiled as he sat down next to you and relaxed into the couch.

“If you’re referring to the warm clothes I keep in the airing cupboard for you, you’re welcome.” Turning to lazily smile at him.

You both stayed like that for a few moments. A comfortable silence washing over the two of you. Neither of you felt the need to speak up just yet, you both allowed yourselves to indulge in the calming and warm atmosphere around the pair of you.

After a few moments passed by, Oikawa leaned forward to rip a piece off the milk bread loaf. Biting into it he hummed in approval before eating the whole piece. “Y/N-chan, you make the best milk bread you know?” Your laugh rang through Oikawa’s ears. “Your flattery will get you anywhere Oikawa.”

A few moments passed again, nothing said between the two of you. Oikawa had a slight frown on his face looking as if he were deep in thought. You noticed this but decided to let him be for a moment.

The setter sat there trying to find the right words to use to get his current thoughts across to you. Truth be told Oikawa had shown up to your place purely for a general catch up but picking up on the little quirks and details to your routine with each other, he had been thinking about you the minute he noticed the spare clothes you kept for him in the airing cupboard. He had never really lost feelings for you. Sure, he had been on a few dates here and there, but nobody lasted more than 3 dates before he grew bored. His mind would always wander back to thoughts of you and he took this as a sign that these other girls were just temporary fillers for the void left in him when you had split up. He had always known you were the only one who would satisfy his physical and emotional needs, but he wasn’t sure as to the whereabouts you were in your feelings for him so he never spoke up about the situation.

After a few minutes you grew slightly concerned. Yes, you knew the two of you could sit through a while of comfortable silence but the bothered face on your ex worried you slightly.

“Oikawa? Are you okay?”

“Huh? Oh- uh yeah, sorry lost in a thought for a second there.”

He looked up at you with his pretty brown eyes and gave you his signature charming smile.

You had known Oikawa for years and you had grown close enough to be able to tell a genuine smile from a fake one and the smile he was currently pulling right now was most certainly fake. You frowned at the boy making his smile drop a little.

“What's wrong Y/N-chan?”

“I should be asking you that? You should know by now to not pull that half assed expression with me.”

Oikawa sighed and broke eye contact with you as he cast his gaze down to the coffee table.

“It’s just, well- Ah fuck it. You’re really irreplaceable to me. There’s nobody as good as you.”

Your eyes widened at the boy's sudden confession. Did Oikawa Tooru really recite back what feelings you thought you had gotten rid of? Just by that sentence alone, past feelings to which you were certain you had managed to contain and bury had come rushing over you clouding your thoughts and completely throwing you off guard.

“That doesn’t sound like something you say to an ex girlfriend.”

He looked back up and locked his longing eyes into your own.

“Well, maybe I don’t want you to be my ex girlfriend anymore.”

You felt as though your heart couldn’t take much more. Your chest felt tight and you knew for a fact your face was turning red as you felt your skin heat up from the volleyballers direct and unfiltered confession. You opened your mouth but were stopped when Oikawa quickly spoke.

“Listen to me Y/N, I’m not playing games. I’m done trying to fill the gap only you can fill. I’ve fucking missed you like crazy and I didn’t want to admit it. I never said anything because I wasn’t sure what you were thinking or feeling but you have my heart Y/N. It’s always been you. No matter what I do I can't stop thoughts about you creeping back on me when they shouldn’t. Tell me I’m crazy Y/N. I should be over you by now but I’m not because no matter what I do or try, I can’t deny the fact I’m still in fucking love with you!”

You didn’t think twice about your next move. Before you could even think of the words to reply to him, instinct took over you and you threw yourself onto the boy and crashed your lips onto his. He took a second to process what was happening but after a second of not reacting his arms snaked around your waist as he kissed you back with an equal amount of passion. With that one kiss, Oikawa knew the feelings were mutual. You could both feel the raw desire and need for each other, the deep feelings and passion that was once locked away, finally free and was poured into the kiss. He pulled you onto his lap properly as one of his hands drew little circles on your waist while the other made its way up your neck as his fingers skillfully weaved through your silky hair. You pressed your body closer to his as your own hands wandered into his slightly damp locks.

Finally pulling away, you both took a second to catch your breath. You looked up and into Oikawa’s twinkling eyes which held nothing but sincerity and genuine love and adoration for you.

“Idiot. You should’ve spoken sooner.”

Nothing could stop the bright smile on Oikawa’s face. His handsome features lightened up as he laughed and caressed your cheek. Small tears gathered in the corners of his eyes threatening to spill at any moment. You leaned forward and wiped them away before they could fall and left a trail of small pecks across his soft skin.

“You have no idea just how happy you’ve made me. I love you so so much I promise I’ll never leave you again Y/N.”

He spoke with such honesty as a big smile broke onto your own face.

“I’ll hold you to that. And Tooru, I love you too.”

He pulled you in close inhaling the scent of you. Sure you were both okay with your close friendship but this to Oikawa felt like home. That once empty gap that could only be filled by you, full once again making his heart flutter.

Things were okay the way they were but this? This is how things were meant to be.

[waiting4inspiration]

Inspiration (Bucky Barnes x Reader)

Summary: Bucky loves watching you in your creative state and when you stumble into a creative block, he helps you find a new source of inspiration

Warnings: Fluffy

Marvel MasterList II Prompt List (Requests Open)

Everyone did their own little thing when there wasn’t a mission. Tony would be in his lab doing whatever he usually did, Nat and Clint would train together or alone and you weren’t really sure what everyone else did. All you know is that you and Steve were the only ones with some sort of artistic hobby. Steve would sketch while you would write.

You didn't write novels or whatever. You would just write whatever came to your mind and it usually turned out to be short stories. The bookcase in your room was littered with notebooks filled with your writing and you had loose pieces of paper laying all over your room. You preferred writing with a pen and paper instead of typing on a laptop all because the sound of the pen scratching on the paper made you smile every time. Not to mention you loved the smell of ink on paper. 

Bucky loved watching you in your creative state. As creepy as it sounded. But he didn’t care. Though you mostly wrote in the privacy of your room, sometimes you would get a burst of inspiration and grab a pen and paper and just write right where you are. 

He loved the way your eyebrows would frown as the wheels in your mind would turn when you were looking for the right words. The way you would tap the pen on the table as you read the words over and over again and mutter them to yourself, trying to figure out if it sounded right. Or the way you would sigh out in frustration when you scratched out a few words before writing something different. 

And when you would lift your head for a moment and just stare out the window or at a blank spot on the wall, he wishes he could hear your thoughts as he stares at the dazed expression on your face. Sometimes you would just drop the pen and tug at your hair and you mutter to yourself in anger. 

You had refused to show anyone your writing. It was something so dear to you, you couldn’t stand the thought of your work being criticized. Though some of the things you really loved and thought it was well written, you felt that most of your things were absolutely terrible and should just be burnt. But you didn’t have to heart to do that. 

You had gotten used to Bucky sitting in the same room as you when you wrote. At first, you were very hesitant about it, feeling like he could see what you were writing from the way your pen moved. But that stubbornness went away and you quite enjoyed his quiet company. 

Groaning, you drop the pen to the table and hold your head in your hands. “Come on, you stupid thing. Think,” you mutter to yourself, tapping your head as if trying to encourage your brain to think. 

Bucky notices that you’re more frustrated than usual. “You alright?” he questions, making your head snap up at him and out of your abusive hands. 

Folding your hands together, you sigh before staring down at the paper in front of you. “No. Not really,” you admit, pushing yourself off the chair to walk towards him. Falling down on the sofa next to him, you cover your eyes with your hand as you let out a loud, long sigh. “It’s just one of those days where I have this urge to write something, but nothing is coming to my mind.”

He smiles at you as you continue to silently mutter to yourself. “Well, you’ve been writing something for the past hour, so you must be thinking of something,” he states, making you lift your hand to glare at him. 

“A paragraph in an hour, Buck,” you state, pushing yourself up to sit up on the sofa. “A paragraph that makes no sense and is the worst writing this world has ever seen.” He chuckles at you as you wring-out your hands. “Well, I’m glad someone finds my pain amusing.”

The way you talk just has him awe-struck. Sometimes you would use fancy words just to confuse Tony for the fun of it. But Bucky can tell that you’ve been writing long before you joined the team by the extent of your vocabulary. 

“Maybe you need a change of senary,” he suggests, shrugging his shoulder when you glance up at him. “What about the park? I hear it can be very inspirational.”

You smile brightly up at him. “Only if you’ll come with me.” His heart thuds against his chest before he smiles back at you with a small nod in his head.

The park was painted in yellows, reds, and browns from the autumn leaves falling from the trees. There was a cold breeze in the air that bore the impending winter. Children playing in the pile of leaves let out joyous laughs that can make anyone smile. Even a previous assassin.

This was the first time that you actually spent alone with Bucky. It gave you the opportunity to get to know him beyond what you were told about him. He shared stories from his past. It was nice to talk to him outside of being an Avenger. 

“So when did you actually start writing?” he questions as you two sit down on a bench. 

You hum as you think about his question, placing your hands in your pockets. “I was very young,” you simply say as the memory slowly comes back to you. “My mother gave me my first notebook, telling me that an entirely different world lay between the pages. I just had to find it myself. Of course, I thought she was being literal and I flipped through the pages every night, hoping that I would find some kind of portal that would whisk me away to another dimension,” you explain, laugh at the memory. 

Bucky chuckles with you as he shifts closer. “It wasn’t until she died that I understood what she meant.” You bite your lip and lower your head to stare at a leaf on the ground before it blows away. “I started writing little things to get away from a world where I didn’t have her. A place where I wasn’t alone in the world.” Bucky’s face drops at your words.

He leans back against the bench as he breaths out. “I wish I had something like that,” he says, making your head snap up at him. “There are so many times where it feels like I’m alone too. And I wish I had something as amazing as that to get away from it all.”

Turning your body to face him, you place your hands over his. “You’re not alone, Bucky. You have Steve and the team there for you. And you have me,” you say, making him glance slowly up at you. “You don’t need to do something like write or draw or whatever to get away from that feeling. You can always talk to someone. Tell them how you’re feeling and just vent it all out.”

“You’re talking about a therapist?”

“No, I’m talking about someone you trust,” you laugh, crossing your leg over the over. “Like Steve. I’m sure he wouldn’t mind.”

Bucky bites the inside of his cheek before he licks his lips. “What about you?” His question shocks you for a moment but you smile up at him. 

Staring at each other for a moment, your face suddenly shifts into elation as you shoot up from the bench. “I’ve got it!” you shout, grabbing his hand and pulling him off the bench. “We have to go. Now. Before I lose it!”

The minute you arrived back at the compound, you vanished into your room. Bucky couldn’t help but smile the entire way back at the look on your face. It was a mixture of happiness, excitement, and concentration from trying to remember the things you were thinking about. 

You hadn’t come out of your room for hours which meant that you were pretty stuck into it. And it meant that he was missing all the adorable things you did when you wrote. Especially the smile on your lips as the pen floated across the page. 

When you finally walked out your room and found him sitting in his previous spot from this morning, he smiles brightly up at you. “Manage to think of something?” he questions, only making your smile brighter.

Nodding as you walk toward him with your hands behind your back, you bite your lip nervously when you reach him. “I have you to thank for that,” you say, moving your hands in front of you. You’re holding a few pages in your hands and your eyes stare down at them. “Which is why I think you should read it.”

Shocked at your words, he gently takes the papers from your hands. As he starts to read the words tattooed on the white paper, you walk around the room to sit opposite him and watch him intently as his eyes move across the page. 

Every time he flips the page, your heart skips a beat. By the time he reaches the last page, your sitting on the edge of your seat with your hands in front of your mouth. You watch his eyes work their way down, sometimes rereading a sentence before they reach the end of the page. 

Taking a deep breath as he lowers the pages, placing them on the table between you two, you stare at him as he wipes a hand over his mouth. “And? What you think?”

He shakes his head at you, making it feel like your heart stopped. “It was...” he pauses, looking down at the pages on the table. “Breathtaking.” Letting out a sigh of relief, your head drops as you smile again. “Is it about your mom too?”

You shake your head at him. “It’s about you,” you whisper, making him frown at you. “I’ve grown out of writing for my mother. Because I don’t feel alone anymore. Not when I’m with you.”

Tags: @chameerah