#I just see so much of “we love transwomen who have never done anything wrong but transmen need to keep checking their Man Priviledge”
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tetradic-echinoidea · 1 year ago
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As much as I do not believe transmisandry/transandrophobia to exist I do believe there is a bit of a trend going on where transmen and transmascs are not listened to when they talk about their relationship to patriarchy. I've seen a lot of posts where transmen are told to understand their place in society as men. And while I agree that understanding the priviledges manhood might bring... It fucking sucks when you get silenced when you try to talk about how your past and present lived experience and therefore the priviledges you're afforded really does not match that of a cisman's, ot if you even after transitioning (whatever that means for any given individual) experience patriarchal oppression. I will personally always continue suffering from it as long as I have my uterus and ovaries. And even if I someday passed as a (cis)man, that will never take away the way living under patriarchal oppression has shaped my life and personhood.
I would like it if trans men were allowed to define their own experiences instead of thrown around the pathriarcally oppressed/opressor boxes with absolutely no regard to an individual's life. It's so easy for ciswomen to throw out any solidarity with a transman/masc individual when he/they come out as a man/masc, as if that somehow erases the same lived struggles. It makes me so sad that a word to describe your identity is a more important factor in building solidarity rather than mutual struggles and experiences!!
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sohin-ace · 4 years ago
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How about avpol crew finding out their s/o is trans? (Mtf)
Very interesting. That's what I'm talking about.
Apologies if I misrepresent transwomen in any way.
※ Jojo Scenario • Poly Avpol (Abdul & Polnareff) - Her
If you haven't told them directly, they would have never guessed.
In fact, even Polnareff doubted for a moment that you could even be trans in the first place, thinking you were pranking them or something.
Could you blame the guy? You did such a great job at presenting yourself exactly as your gender identity, there were barely any hints of you potentially being transgender and if there were, they completely went over the men's heads.
You remembered Abdul breaking into a fit of laughter, as if you'd told them the funniest joke he's ever heard.
Although you always loved to hear his adorable, dorky and loud laughter, at that moment, all you felt was dread and anxiety.
Was he laughing at you? Would he leave you? Oh god, what if they left, calling you a liar for keeping that secret from them and tricking them?
Well... Technically, you didn't mean to hide anything. They just always seemed so happy with you, and claimed it never mattered how you looked whenever you felt dysphoric and insecure, claiming they'd love you regardless.
But now, you could only gulp at their contrasted reaction. Abdul laughing like a madman and, to be fair, you understood, while Polnareff was looking like the most confused person on Earth. He held the same expression as that one time Kakyoin and Jotaro decided to only speak japanese to him for an entire day as a prank.
Despite the funny memory, you wanted to cry. Of course they'd leave you. You lied to them. Nobody would ever want to be with a 'fake'. You bit your lip at the thought. You didn't choose that stupid body of yours, and now, you'd suffer the consequences and loose all your loved ones because of it. Again.
"Oh, my god, you're going to kill me some day, I swear..." Abdul wiped a tear between chuckles as he slowly calmed down.
"Oh putain de Merde! You scared the shit out of me, Y/N! Don't ever do that kind of thing again!" Polnareff scolded you, bringing a hand to his sprinting heart.
Now it was your turn to be confused. What was happening? You'd think they switched bodies for a second seeing their reactions. Tentatively, you asked with a shaky voice.
"Y-you're... You're gonna leave me...?"
They both looked at you with wide eyes before sharing stares.
Abdul softened his gaze on you and Polnareff facepalmed while mumbling incomprehensible things in French.
"Why would we leave you? You didn't do anything wrong, habiba." Abdul reassured with his deep voice of honey, bringing a hand up to tuck some hairs behind your ears.
"Yeah! In fact, thanks for having the guts to tell us, I don't think I could have done it if it was me, haha!" Polnareff laughed and nudged his partner obnoxiously.
"You're... You're not mad at me?"
"Mad at you for what? To be fair, if I'm mad at you for something it's for scaring the crap out of us!" He turned to Abdul for confirmation, "You know when girls hit you with the 'we need to talk' that means you're FUCKED! I was so freaking scared holy shit."
"Agreed." Abdul nodded shamefully. "I thought you were going to accuse us of cheating on you or something..."
"RIGHT?! I THOUGHT I DONE GOOFED!"
"In fact, I was ready to kill Polnareff for doing something wrong."
"Wait you thought it was MY fault??!!"
They both went back and forth like this, bickering and agreeing, without a care in the world. You could only stare up at them. It just made you realise how paranoid and worried you were for basically nothing at all.
"So you don't mind that I'm... My... I'm a..." You struggled to find your words, even though there wasn't anything to be ashamed of, or anything grave about it. You were overwhelmed by the turn of events.
"If we mind that you're trans?" Abdul completed for you. "Well, it doesn't change anything for us, you're still our little Y/N jamila."
"Yes! Our very own little princess! As long as you're in good health, who cares?"
Polnareff grabbed your face in both hands and softly ran his thumbs over your cheeks as he leaned down to look into your glazed eyes. His blue eyes looked so serious, truly he meant his words. "Come on ma belle, show me your cute smile, don't look at me like that."
You couldn't help your little smile at his kind gestures.
"Atta girl!"
You wiped your tears as you felt a warm hand, that was unmistakably Abdul's, wrap around your shoulders as he laid a gentle kiss at the top of your head.
"Thank you so much you two... I love you so much."
"Awww stop it! If you keep it on, I'm gonna cry too!" Polnareff said, seemingly like he was also about to cry.
"We love you too, you know that, darling."
Clearly, you had the kindest, sweetest, most understanding boyfriends ever.
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griffelkinn · 5 years ago
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All the Transwomen I Met
I've felt the need to write this and share it, for a few years.
About 5 years ago, I moved to San Francisco. I didn't know anyone in the entire state, so I spent a lot of time and effort meeting new people, and going to social events, and accepting invitations from most everybody who invited me to anything. I met a ton of people.
When I moved out there, I didn't really know anything at all about transgender people. I was told about that idea pretty quick once I got there. I thought it was really great that people were comfortable being themselves. The idea that men who enjoyed wearing stereotypically "women's" clothes, were becoming more comfortable doing that. And the idea that men were rejecting stereotypes of men that were forced onto them from childhood, so they could be themselves without shame. And the reverse... women rejecting uncomfortable stereotypes of women so they could be happy. It was an exciting idea that if more and more people started doing this, it would become more and more obvious that none of the stereotypes about what women are like and men are like are actually real. Sexism would be almost completely done away with!
I wish that was what happened. I was really excited to see it happen.
But that isn't what happened. Something bad happened.
In San Francisco, there were a LOT of transwomen. And so while I was meeting all of those people, and doing all that socializing, I ended up meeting and becoming acquaintances with a lot of transwomen. I have written a brief description of literally every single transwoman who I became friends with or got to know at all. I left none out. There are nine. I have felt like this was very important for me to share.
The first transwoman (man who likes to be called a woman) I knew, rubbed his penis on me when he thought I was sleeping. This was shortly after I told him I didn't return his romantic feelings for me, which I had told him many times already.
That same man had previously told me that he'd spent most of his young adult life pressuring girls to have sex with him.
The second transwoman I knew, became enraged when I casually commented on sexism in commercials. I thought what I said would be met with obvious agreement. I hadn't known many transwomen yet, and I thought that they would understand sexism and feminism a little more than men on average do. I learned that I was very wrong. I'd commented on how a string of commercials we watched featured men speaking with intelligence, confidence, and authority, and they featured women speaking in forced baby voices, sounding insecure, dumb, giggly, and weak.
This man advanced on me physically to where I was sitting, with another angry transwoman, very loud and mad, and was very upset with my comment. He said women like talking like that, and also their vocal cords physically are only able to talk like that. Then he said my comment could be compared to women who really want to wear high heels to work, but people don't let them. Which is obviously ridiculous, because that is exactly the opposite of reality... women are being forced by their workplaces to wear high heels, which most women hate and which injure feet. That is still a sexist reality in many places that women are fighting to end. He was somehow saying I was like the fantasy people who don't let these fantasy women wear high heels to work, because of my comment.
This same man told me that he was really respected in China, which is where he was born, because he's a woman and in China women are dominant and considered superior to men. That is true, isn't it. Yes, very accurate. Not at all incorrect or literally opposite of reality.
The third transwoman I knew got upset with me at Halloween season, when I commented that women should be offered normal costumes just like men are, rather than only "sexy" versions of costumes in most places. There should be the same options for girls and boys, and women and men. He immediately disagreed and would only repeat that "Women like wearing sexy costumes!" I repeated that girls and boys should both be offered normal costumes, and obviously if anyone, man or woman, wanted to wear a "sexy" version of a costume they should wear whatever they want. He still disagreed. He said that "women have very little opportunity to dress femininely and sexy, and Halloween is a chance they can do it." I explained that was the opposite of reality. Women have tons of times when they are allowed, encouraged, and pushed to dress femininely and "sexy". That includes work, after work, weekends, and... all other times I would say. I'm pretty sure he was thinking of men, for whom his comment would have been accurate.
That same man got very angry when I said women were made to feel they have to wear makeup, and that is bad. He became very angry. Not just a little. Very angry. He kept saying (angrily) "Women like wearing makeup!"
That same man told me he was a pedophile, and had to keep himself away from children.
That same man told me that "sexism is good for some women".
That same man supported Gamergate. That same man told me that the separation of women's and men's sports are not at all related to people's biological sex, and that men who want to be called women should compete in women's sports.
That same man told me that sexism doesn't exist at all in America, and people are treated exactly the same their whole lives whether they're female or male. (I know, it contradicts his other statement that "sexism is good for some women"). I said that I had a lifetime of many many instances where I experienced sexism. From when I was very little until the present. He mockingly told me to name just one. I was so horrified that he honestly thought I would be unable to think of a single experience of sexism, and that he was mocking me about it, that I told him that it would demean me to answer to his demand of one example. It would obviously be lowering myself too far.
That same man told me that sexism in countries outside America don't have any effect on me.
The fourth transwoman I knew, I saw a movie with. It was good, but I noticed some very obvious sexism in the portrayal of female characters and male characters, which I later learned most everybody noticed. And while most everybody including me agreed it was a great movie, the extreme sexism was obvious. After the movie I said so, how I loved it - but it was very sexist in these examples. And this man started insulting me and being very annoyed. He said venomously that the portrayals of female and male characters was "realistic", and then just as venomously asked me "What are you, a FEMinist?" Clearly he felt the only acceptable view of feminists is to hate them. Somehow he expected me to want to insist to him that I wasn't a feminist. Obviously I loudly said "Yeah. I am a feminist. Aren't you a feminist?"
I never saw him again. We had been casual friends for a few months, but apparently that interaction made us both lose the desire to try and meet up again.
That same man, weeks previously at a fast food joint, told me ever since he started taking estrogen that he's become extremely physically weak. He was grinning while describing to me how wonderfully weak he was, and clearly that was an idea that made him very happy. A personal fantasy. He said how now his arms are so weak, he can barely throw a frisbee! I asked him to arm wrestle and he beat me with no effort in one second. I'd assumed that would happen.
The fifth transwoman I knew, was a very nice person. He was kind, and fun, and not a misogynist, and didn't get angry if anyone criticized anything sexist. He also didn't mind going into men's public bathrooms. I really liked him. We were friends.
The sixth transwoman I knew was over six feet tall, and had a fantasy that men would rape him. He would only ever dress in cartoonishly sexual stripper-style outfits. He described multiple times to me how he was worried that men would rape him when he walked around in public. In a voice and level of description that made it obvious this was his personal sexual fantasy. He suggested that he and I are both equally in danger from sexual assault. I'm 5'1 and just trying to live my life. He was over 6 feet and that was his sexual fantasy. We were very different in our experiences of the threat of sexual assault.
The seventh transwoman I knew, I went to the movies with and he put his hand in my crotch area. I said "WHOA I am not comfortable with that." And I physically took his arm and returned it to his own seat. He immediately put his arm around my neck and shoulders and said in an annoyed whiny voice "Well can I at least do this?" And I had to say no again. We barely knew each other, and were not at all romantic. I had zero romantic thought of him. He clearly didn't care or consider if I did or not. It didn't affect his feelings that he should be allowed to do things like that for his pleasure.
The eighth transwoman I knew was over six feet tall and white. He came up to me suddenly and told me that he is twice as oppressed as me, because he has sexism, as a woman, like I do, and he also has "transmisogyny". I was so shocked that he would say he experiences sexism like women that I was speechless. Obviously he was a man and so he did not. He was also gigantic. I don't really know why he wanted to come up to me and tell me that he had "twice as much oppression as me". After he said it he just kind of looked at me waiting to see what I would say. That was the first instance I learned about the "oppression olympics". I had never used the word "oppression" before and very rarely heard it used in person. But I was disgusted by his competitive declaration of victimhood. Since then, of course the word "oppression" has become extremely popularly used in conversation, and that's usually a good thing, but there is definitely this unsavory world of people like him who build their identities around having the "most" oppression, like an impressive commodity, who have no basis in reality.
That same man, after my lack of response, then told me that he also doesn't have white privilege because he grew up poor.
That same man told me that he'd spent much of his life pressuring women to have sex with him.
The ninth transwoman I knew, told me he would only ever date women who shave their bodies. I know that men have no idea the level of pain and insecurity that teenage girls go through because of the forced shaving culture, so I gave him a break and replied with a kind of friendly comment that even though shaving their bodies for women is an extremely torturous social norm, everyone has preferences about their romantic partners and that's fine. Though I felt like that particular preference is specifically a preference for women suffering an unhealthy lifelong ritual born completely out of insecurity. I figured I'd just write this guy off, and there was no point in saying so. But I couldn't help poking the misogynist bear a little. He was trying to get me to hang out with him. So I asked if he just won't have a relationship with a woman who doesn't shave her body, or if he can't even stand to see them at all in any setting. Because it was summer and I love going to the beach in shorts, and I needed to know if I shouldn't invite him to to beach. I actually thought I was being funny and that he would know that, but he answered seriously that he "would feel grossed out if he looked at me." Imagine one person feeling comfortable telling someone that they would feel grossed out to look at you. That man sure felt comfortable saying it to me.
I have also known some transmen. They are usually very kind, thoughtful people. I have known some very closely for years before they decided to be transmen. Most of them, years after that decision, still fight internally against the feeling that they have to wear makeup every day or else be ugly and worthless. Most of them still mentally fight to nurture any sense of self-confidence to speak their opinions, or take up space in a group as a full person, who deserves as much free immediate respect as any other.
Those are things that women experience.
Almost all transwomen are now saying that they are not men breaking social expectations. They are women. And women are sexist stereotypes.
Men breaking social expectations would deserve respect and props for being themselves despite social pressure. That would be a cool move. But they are instead insulting women, supporting sexist stereotypes religiously, closing down women's shelters, women's rape trauma centers, and women's festivals. They are taking women's government positions, women's scholarships, and women's awards.
**CONTENT WARNING for below **
Transwomen have made it so now any and all men are allowed to go into women's bathrooms, women's changing rooms, and women's shelters. And MANY of them have been raping and murdering children and women. They've been kidnapping, videotaping, and sexually harassing women and children.
There are many myths that transgender activists send around social networking sites. There's one that is very popularly shared that says transwomen in America are in danger of being murdered. That is a lie. White transwomen in America are less likely to be murdered than white men who don't identify as a transwomen.
Even if they were in danger, that would be a separate issue from women completely, and they would deserve their own safe places to be and escape violence. They should not take away all resources to help women, and allow all men into women's changing rooms and bathrooms and prisons.
I'm pretty sure most people know that women are not allowed to talk about this. We are not allowed to speak our discomfort. If a woman says she is uncomfortable with any of that, transwomen (men) bombard her with rape threats, very descriptive rape threats involving their own penises. They also do this to any lesbian who says lesbians don't want to have sex with penises. Any woman who is a feminist. Any woman who wouldn't even call herself a feminist because that word takes a lot of courage to use, but who still speaks of helping women and ending sexist beliefs, or describes reality without pandering to make these men feel good.
I used to think the transgender social movement would bring us all leaps and bounds into a brighter future, but I really think it has dragged us all back far in time and rolled back women's rights and safety and respect many decades into the past. I used to think all those violent women-hating transwomen were just the rare bad apple, and most are good people who don't want to hurt women. But that list of transwomen that I described is every single one I've known in person. 8 out of 9 were extreme examples of the most misogynist of men. My experiences have made me wary now, and I can barely even picture in my imagination a transwoman saying the words "It's impossible to feel like a woman", or "Women deserve to be allowed to get together and talk about women's issues".
The misogynist slur TERF means: Dyke. Feminazi. Cunt. They all know this.
It pains me to see women being caught up in this social movement, clearly just trying to be polite and "politically correct", or seeking male approval. Most of them are insecure. I understand. But I wish they would speak up and be honest about the truth, and not just do whatever these men tell them they must do and say to avoid being called a TERF.
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terfslying · 5 years ago
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All longanon answers:
also why does nobody care that gc men/radfems talk positively about intersex issues FOR THEIR OWN SAKE not just to confuse people about sex. Some of us have CAH or AIS, PAIS. 2nd, a GC opinion: men want uteri & to go by she? Go for it. I think it's reactionary, & I'll be open about that, but it's not my choice. But pushing lines like "lesbians like dick, afab-exclusive=fetish" is WRONG. My family has already brought up transdick as a gotcha. Too few of yall care about fallout for gnc/gay people.
Not sure if this is out of order however: “afab-exclusive = fetish” is wrong, it’s not a view I support, and I agree there’s fallout for gay people, so why are you telling me off for pushing it when I don’t?
where do I see lesbians like dick? everywhere. Not explicitly here, though implied with referencing that some lesbians might like no-op transwomen. You are carving out a niche balanced view, and I appreciate that. Don't pretend like it's the majority of the trans/nb community, or the liberal or leftist take on things.
Why are you talking to me as if I am speaking for the entire liberal or leftist ‘take’? You’re talking to me, you get my viewpoint.
there's a lot more going on with ‘erase women’s anatomy and oppression’ than I even have knowledge of. But for me some big ones: it's no longer women's reproductive justice. It's pregnant people, despite us all knowing damn well the intersection between our potential reproductive system and how woman has meant (still means) property too often. Femininity isn't social control, it's fun! It's expression, medically necessary, a part of womanhood. Rapes/assault being covered up.
“Pregnant people” vs “pregnant women” is important in medical contexts to prevent female people being denied medical care on account of not being ‘women’. It also makes self-help resources more inclusive for gnc female people.
“Femininity isn’t social control, it’s fun!” - femininity is social control for female people. Non-female people practicing femininity are literally breaking their prescribed gender roles and undermining the patriarchy.
“Rapes/assault being covered up” - specific examples?
And I'm sorry but I've seen some of the same trans-activist people in threads you're on, who you interact with positively, say shit like "anyway terfs die". Now, maybe someone they perceive as a terf has threatened them. Someone I know to be trans has threatened me. Is it ok for me to go online and say "TRAs, die"? Ofc not. So you tell me you call hateful TRAs out equal to calling out terfs, and I have doubts. Perhaps you could title your blog Terfs and Misogynist TRAs lying, and work on that.
I like how manipulatively you have phrased, “someone they perceive as a terf” vs. “someone I know to be trans”. I’ve also seen hundreds of TERFs online post shit like “Trannies die”, and had death threats personally from people I KNOW to be TERFs. Both sides behave like shit in that sense, and both sides feel like they are on the defensive. The only way to end that nonsense is to STOP participating in “well they do _____ so it’s okay for me to do _______”. But guess what? I’m also not the Tumblr police. Do you personally check the blog history of every person you interact with on Tumblr to ensure they’ve never said anything Problematique? Because I don’t, sorry.
re: erasing women's oppression, there's also a deliberate attempt to chuck out all the shit from the 70s you apparently hate. God forbid we misgender a rapist, or "cancel" any man for misogyny, but reading even excerpts from old radical feminists? Heresy, evil, invaders. Quite fucking honestly, I'll look into the history, but this calling some women political lesbian and thus dead to us thing has all sorts of potential as antifeminist slander. Especially if men think they can talk on it.
I’m talking about actual events in the 70’s that set up the trans-discourse-in-lesbian-spaces-non-stop situation, not whatever shit you’re talking about here.
Also, I have literally done readings and annotations of many radical feminist texts on this site. Stop using me as a puppet to argue with every person you’ve ever thought was a TRA.
I’m also curious if when you became "ex-" radfem, does this mean you also became against being critical of porn and critical of the sex industry? Note - critical of the INDUSTRY and culture, as in the corporations and bosses, pimps, traffickers, johns, and the academics, "art", and media who cover it as queer or fun or sexy or a good way to pay off student loans... not the workers or the prostituted (i'm differentiating here based on a spectrum of how much autonomy and liberty is retained)
No, it doesn’t mean that. I’ve said before - I am pro sex-worker and believe in evidence based rules for helping women in that situation, which means no Nordic system, but I don’t believe that you can ‘manage’ any sex workers in a brothel-type situation without it being dangerous.
I also am passionately opposed to all kinds of trafficking and slavery for personal reasons, and that obviously includes people trafficked for sex work.
at the end of the day I'm still just like... why can't women who love cis and trans women (or men who love cis and trans men) just say you're bi and that's your preference? Why does gay and lesbian have to always theoretically be flexible? It's obviously used against us, in a biased manner (again, does anyone really expect and go after straight people to be flexible?) ... and is it really worth it? Is temporary relief of a social construct borne pain worth it?
It’s not for ‘relief of a social construct borne pain’ - it’s just to accurately describe myself.
Because I’m not bi. I’m a lesbian. I exist in my city’s lesbian society, as a lesbian who dates lesbians. Then later, I became trans-inclusive. ‘Lesbian’ has to be flexible because human beings are flexible.
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clarenecessities · 7 years ago
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Queerquiggle/Cybunnypoop
Subtitle: This Again
It’s been around two years since the shit hit the proverbial fan, but seeing as the individual in question has since deleted & remade, some of you may not be aware of whom you’re interacting with.
Queerquiggle & queerneopets are the latest installments in a series of urls belonging to one person, hereafter referred to as the original url, cybunnypoop. Other former urls for his neoblog include (but are not limited to): gaygelatin, shewhoneopetswiththee, neobloq, and candypaintbrush.
I should tell you all off the bat that he’s a Trump supporter, a “recovering” transphobe, and extremely Islamophobic, so this post may contain some upsetting information. There are some instances of misogyny, antisemitism, homophobia, and racism, as well. Oh, and ableism. Honestly, pick an -ism.
None of the information in this post should be a repeat of my first post regarding the matter. Warning: this post is even longer.
As before, I’d be remiss if I didn’t lay out my bias: I don’t like him. He’s been downgraded from “nemesis” to “nuisance,” as he’s no longer harassing minors (as far as I’m aware), but we’re never going to be best buddies.
We’ve spoken several times, though never to any resolution, and with each interaction it became increasingly obvious that it was futile. I ultimately blocked him following repeated propositioning and an unwillingness to engage beyond casting any disagreement as bullying and telling the kids to go back to their safe spaces.
Cybunnypoop is now 25 years old, and he hasn’t started anything major in a while. His posts remain fairly unpopular, though whether that’s the result of the quarantine or simple bad content, I couldn’t say. You’re under no obligation to take my word for any of this. Though I’ve provided links and screenshots where I can, what you make of that evidence is up to you.
TRANSPHOBIA
As it so happens, Cybunnypoop has recently tried listening to another human being, and has been educated about trans issues in a way that ~100 people on the internet offering resources apparently couldn’t accomplish.
What this means is that Cybunnypoop is now IDing with various names (itself nothing new, pseudonyms are an old hat here), gender identities, and pronouns, depending on the platform. I’m sticking with he/him for this post, as those were the last requested on his neopets blog. His description says shey/shem but unfortunately I have no idea how current that is, and his about says “whatever”–so if I’m misgendering here, I apologize; it is not intentional.
I, Clare, Author of This Post, am cis. So it’s not my place to gatekeep or say whether or not he’s ““really trans””. And, as he has expressly admitted to being transphobic in the past, none of this section is really up for debate. I’m just going to provide the information, including his apologies and the redaction thereof. I don’t know that he truly understands everything he did wrong, but he’s explicitly stated he thinks transphobia is bad, so hey, maybe we can all learn something.
I’m gonna try to keep this chronological, so here we go:
A fun little addition to a post via an anonymous terf, “You are still males, you have male privilege, you KNOW NOTHING & NEEVER [sic] WILL KNOW of our goddamn struggles.“ which Cybunnypoop began with “So much agree!”
When asked about the “trans bathroom debacle,” he stated he was, “just afraid it’ll result in sacrificing handicap-accesible bathrooms.” which is only tangentially transphobic but bears addressing: Why would it ever mean that?
Cybunnypoop has something of a preoccupation with the potential negative impact equity would have upon him, and ableism is a convenient vehicle for this–lord knows this country is appalling in terms of accessibility. However, no proposed version of “trans bathroom”s leads to the dissolution of ADA-compliant spaces. Whether it’s allowing trans people to use the bathroom they identify with, or installing/redesignating gender neutral spaces, it remains an issue of improved accessibility, not diminished. A disabled trans person has as much a right to use a bathroom as an able-bodied one.
When he graduated he was questioned on his political beliefs, specifically how he could support Trump and remaining uneducated about trans issues while claiming to be an LGBT ally–and congratulated on graduating. Rather than answering the questions, or thanking them for the congrats and ignoring the rest, Cybunnypoop declared it “harassment”. This is about the standard for what he deems harassment/bullying: Anything that disagrees with him.
Reposted a quote from Dixon Diaz, the alt right guy you may remember him quoting in several citations from my last post, which read, “Liberal: a person who tells you that you’re a bigot if you’re afraid of having weird men in the ladies room, but becomes traumatized if they see “Trump 2016” written in chalk.“ [sic]
trans people bad, diversity bad, children bad & trauma fake
An ongoing problem with fetishizing trans people, dating back long before his identification as trans, and indeed, during the period in which he was a self-avowed transphobe. (Warning: link contains slur!)
This grew more pronounced as he came to understand what it means to be trans, and zeroed in on transwomen in particular. This is itself a complex issue: When is a kink flattering and when is it dehumanizing? Are immutable adjectives inappropriate to fetishize, or is it positive representation?
Again, as a cis person, it isn’t my place to say–I’m just letting y’all know what he’s said, and you can determine how you feel about it. This post isn’t a thinkpiece on my opinions.
Select quotes from The Apology:
“I was transphobic. I was resistant to that term because I felt it was a misnomer. I was more…trans-ignorant, I felt, than “transphobic.” […] I couldn’t see what I was doing because I was too busy, I felt, being attacked.”
“I had a warped view of trans people, and I was too ignorant and stubborn to acknowledge it–to see it, even.”
“[…] it’s hard not to let a jerk taint your view of a minority, especially when that jerk was your introduction to the minority.“
I’ll be honest, my problem with this apology is in how it’s structured, not in its content. It seems to convey genuine remorse, but focuses the bulk of the message on excuses, including that last point, which… isn’t relatable.
Even this I could forgive (after all, he’s new to apologies) if it had heralded a change in attitude–but nothing changed. He continued on as before, and continued to refuse discussions of other issues (which we’re getting to soon).
Which brings us to The Second Apology:
Posted some day and a half after the first, it opens with the artfully passive aggressive line, “I thought this could be over but it’s obviously going to stick around.” And it’s all downhill from there, folks!
“What do you want? What more can I say? There isn’t anything left to say. Nothing will satisfy some people.”
“I never bullied anyone like some do to me.“
“If you don’t want to believe I am different,[…] then the problem is not mine. In these cases, it is a good idea for you to stop talking about me and lying about me“
Here is a glimpse, perhaps, into what he expected. He was waiting for accolades. Commendation. He’d just apologized–and unlike earlier attempts, it was genuine! I don’t know that he anticipated forgiveness, but the outright rejection of that apology by several individuals drove him almost immediately into a bitter tirade, once again foisting the blame onto the people he had hurt or offended.
Aaaand a redaction of former apologies. Unfortunately there doesn’t seem to be a date on this one, so it may be referring to the older apologies, but its content bears addressing:
“Yeah, I apologised like a year ago […], and they refused it, so I’m done apologizing–not that I even have anything to apologise for.
“I’ll sooner die than acknowledge and apologise for their demented reconstructions of my words.“
Which, if this is about the older apologies–oops!
“I won’t deny I said some things that people found offensive, […] but they just took everything and ran apedoodie with it. It amazes me that, for all they claim to hate me, they have this obsession with everything I do and say.”
This is actually fairly emblematic of my own interactions with Cybunnypoop: Specifically, the characterization of all attention as both positive, and obsessive.
What is it about being held responsible for his actions that leads him to cry wolf? Historically, an unwillingness to debate his political beliefs. Oh, he’ll espouse Trump’s “virtues” for paragraphs and paragraphs, but anyone who criticizes him is obviously a liberal idiot who just loves to hate him, and I’ll bet they say “lame,” right? It’s these assumptions about other people that lead him so often to tilt at windmills, rather than addressing the subject at hand.
RACISM
“Obama spending $21 million to put refugees to work…why not spend that money in the inner cities to put young blacks to work… once again Obama and the Democrats have proved the black community is their who’re [sic] because we always come back to them after they screw us” a quote he posted from a Facebook page I won’t even name, because it’s literally got the N-word in it! But he’s definitely not a racist, right?
Obama being (literally) booted out of office, by a Confederate battle flag, symbol of white supremacy since the 1960s. (There’s been some suggestion it’s in the classic minstrel show style. Though he forwent the traditional depiction of red/pink lips in favor of purple, there remains the possibility that he just can’t draw caricatures).
I’m going to address this post more in the ableism section, but it’s worth noticing how often, and how readily, he uses the word c*lored unprompted. This is not the first occasion.
More lambasting of whitewashing as a concept, sarcastically proposing we paint a black person white and mutilate them to better portray Michael Jackson (whom he refers to as ‘Wacko Jacko’, an ableist and derogatory nickname) apparently under the impression that there are no other black men with vitiligo.
I think it’s important to cover this, as from Cybunnypoop’s posts suggesting we be outraged at the “yellow-washing” of Joan Watson (see my previous post) it’s clear that he has no idea what whitewashing means.
It is not literally painting POC white.
The term whitewashing is derived from cheap white paint of chalked lime, used for a long time to refer to a specific means of censorship, “to gloss over or cover up vices, crimes or scandals or to exonerate by means of a perfunctory investigation or through biased presentation of data”. Simply put, it’s revisionist history, and the methods used to maintain that illusory timeline.
It isn’t difficult to see how the term came to be applied to the representative censorship in Hollywood.
Shared a Facebook graphic, “Black people who were never slaves are fighting white people who were never Nazis over a confederate statue erected by democrats, and why, because democrats can’t stand their own history anymore and somehow it’s Trumps Fault? [sic]“
“Also, you see Blacks everywhere, but they’re still considered a minority.” (He appended some context but frankly it’s even more damning.)
The term “spirit animal” is annoying but not because it’s racist, I guess
ISLAMOPHOBIA
Cybunnypoop’s Islamophobia is tied in pretty heavily with his support of Trump, so I’ll be citing a few of those posts in this section as well.
“Ban seven countries’ worth of ideology which promotes violence against women, LGBT people, animals, and nonworshippers? Sounds good to me!”
The cognitive dissonance of a self-avowed Catholic posting this is… incredible.
“Sorry to inform you, but the terrorists who attacked New York, Boston, Orlando, our embassies, and others weren’t Hindus, Buddhists, Christians, Jews, or atheists. They were Muslims.
“It’s not Hinduism, Buddhism, Christianity, Judaism, or atheism which oppresses women, slaughters animals, kills gays, and calls for the conversion or beheading of nonbelievers. It’s Islam.
“Until the ideology evolves to be as peaceful and tolerant as it claims, it doesn���t belong in America.”
There’s a lot to unpack here. Let’s begin by refuting Trump’s claims that “the vast majority of individuals convicted of terrorism and terrorism-related offenses since 9/11 came here from outside of our country.” Plain old xenophobia, not even in the ballpark of truth. Over the past 15 years, none of the self-described Muslim terrorists committing crime have come from the countries on Trump’s ban list. Zero. The country producing the most successful attacks against the USA is the USA itself.
A basic look at the data further reveals that white supremacist, self-described Christian terrorists actually lead the rate of attack and death toll by about 2:1. Yet, bizarrely, nothing from Cybunnypoop about the ‘violence and intolerance’ of Christianity, or even white supremacy… Who saw that coming?
It speaks to Cybunnypoop’s prejudice that he would believe such a blatantly false piece of information with no investigation or critical thought whatsoever. Although, it may speak more to his unwillingness/inability to use Google. We have had some problems with that in the past. 
“Dear Liberals: [sic] You claim to protect women. You claim to protect LGBT. [sic] You claim to protect animals. You claim to protect people who don’t ascribe to the dominant faith. But you’re protecting a violently misogynistic, homophobic, intolerant ideology which still slaughters animals in the name of their god and beheads people who worship otherwise. What the *** is wrong with you?”
Man, for derailing conversations so often to complain about perfectly valid modal grammar he sure loves breaking the English language.
When asked how he could still support Trump, he replied, “Because he hasn’t actually said or done anything wrong. The only thing with which I disagree was the transgender military ban, and that has been shot down, so it’s hardly relevant.”
Particularly in conjunction with his condemnation of liberals on the basis of not like, banning Islam, this is an explicit endorsement of everything from repealing the Alternative Tax Minimum to his sexual misconduct. Everything, except the one thing that directly affects one of Cybunnypoop’s demographics, was right.
HOMOPHOBIA
“I’m not like others in the LGBT spectrum. [bolding mine]
“I hadn’t cared for gay marriage nor had I especially cared to support the cause. […] I’ll fight for the welfare of the many before I’ll fight for the wishes of the few.”
(Well, historically, no, he won’t). Even without the implication that all the gay people who want to get married are selfish, this ignores the reason behind the push for the legalization of gay marriage: The AIDS crisis. Terminally ill gay men were forcibly evicted from their homes after watching their partners die, horribly, because they couldn’t inherit the lease/property. Their partners’ remains were the custody of parents who often wouldn’t allow the survivor to attend the funeral.
Up until gay marriage was legalized on a federal level, these incidents still occurred. One Indiana woman had to pay over $300,000 in taxes upon the death of her wife, and was told by the funeral home she could not arrange for her wife’s cremation as she was an “unrelated third party,” despite having the power of attorney. This is a significant concern.
“I don’t care for "pride.” I’ve actually started to loathe the undertones of the pride movement. […] is it truly worthy of a month and a gold star? […] I think it’s losing relevancy. Can we really celebrate something that’s no longer legally unique? Can we really have pride for… wait, what is it we’re proud of, anyway? We’re legally equal now; we’re socially equal, for the most part.” [bolding mine]
I don’t know if he forgot the homophobia he’s experienced, or if it just doesn’t matter unless it happened it to him.
“The next time someone asks you why LGBT Pride marches exist or why Gay Pride Month is June tell them ‘A bisexual woman named Brenda Howard thought it should be.’“ -Tom Limoncelli
“Another thing–and the most loathsome part–about the “pride movement” concerns the very word itself. “Pride” …be proud of who you are, and be proud of not caring what others think of you. Fine. Sure. It’s fun to wildly flaunt your differences. But what’s the opposite of “pride”? “Shame.” So, if gays are to have pride, does that mean straights are to have shame?”
So why are we to be entitled to pride–why are we allowed to feel good about ourselves and they are not? […] The majority are not oppressive, and even if they wanted to be, they legally couldn’t. 
Good news guys, homophobia is dead and definitely super illegal.
“(Never mind the fact that pride is a negative, narcissistic trait and one of the Seven Deadly Sins.)” [bolding mine]
(We interrupt this post to bring you his “Antipridist Pride”)
“While it seems most of the LGB world makes their sexuality their entire identity, I leave it as just one facet of many.“ Once again, he’s not like Those Other Gays.
“ I’ll bet I pissed off a lot of gays with this post, but I don’t care, and I’m proud of not caring.“ (proceeds to describe the LGBT community as loud, angry, straight-bashing, etc. for a good paragraph or so, obviously very much caring)
That’s enough of that post, huh? Let’s move on.
“I know that a lot of the LGBT community is hypocritical–and intolerantly, angrily so. They scream about others giving them tolerance and respect while they don’t give others such basic rights.
“If there’s Black Pride, why couldn’t there be Caucasian Pride? Gay Pride, Straight Pride.“
As I broke down in my last post, Caucasian≠white, and was first misapplied by white supremacists and popularized by actual, literal Nazis. He evidently doesn’t care, and claims I “created” it. (I can assure you, I haven’t been alive since 1785).
“Is it me, or are there actually very few good gay celebrities?”
Doesn’t like the term “lesbian” because its “image is too pornified”. As I understand it this is fairly common among those who were raised in more conservative or religious families, so it’s not an issue per se; it just becomes weird in conjunction with his wanting to be called a dyke at one point (though I can’t find the post where he said that explicitly, only ones where he describes himself as such).
Said he’d expected Ted Cruz to be a “gay prostitute” because he gave off untrustworthy vibes.
MISOGYNY
As I’m sure most of you are aware, Cybunnypoop is pro-life. From certain parties, that can be motivated by misinformation rather than misogyny (though certainly the misogyny drives that misinformation). In his case? Well, actually only about 75% misogyny. The other 25% is empathizing with fetuses just until they’re born. Idk if it’s because of his parental situation or his existential dread or what, but we’re not here to psychoanalyze him; we’re here to review.
“It’s a point which I make constantly. It’s not hard to not get pregnant. You have a variety of options. There’s birth control. There’s getting your man snipped […]. And there is one absolutely fool-proof, sperm-proof way: ABSTINENCE. It’s stupidly simple, but there are self-righteous women and men out there who say–if you’ll pardon my pun–screw that. Free sex, rah rah. But if you don’t want to “risk” a baby, don’t do the do. There are plenty more things to do in life.”
Yeah, it may be “stupidly simple” for an “asexual homosexual” but other people do, in fact, get horny. “There’s birth control.” Where? You gonna pay for it? You gonna talk their “man” into getting a vasectomy? Pay for that?
I want you all to keep in mind that this is the same person who waxed poetic about his addiction to porn. And hentai. Which he downloaded in a public library, because he was just that addicted. But if someone (god forbid) “does the do,” and their birth control fails? Well, too bad. You should have been able to control your libido.
When Trump was elected he had the following to say:
“This is a time for healing.” No, this is a time for you to suck it up. You may not have wanted this result, but I and half of the country did. So, instead of bitching and moaning and trying to undo what I and half of the country have been working hard for, you need to shut the fuck up, go to school, work, or volunteer, and stop being an intolerant, selfish, hypocritical asshole.
Frankly this could go in a lot of sections but it’s using bitch pejoratively so…
Honestly there are more instances but I feel like you get the picture and this thing is already absurdly long, so we’re going to move along.
ANTI-SEMITISM
On screenshots of a neoboard discussing the origins of the ichthys symbol (the Jesus fish), Cybunnypoop added, apropos of nothing, “Hey, how about the fact that Christianity was originally illegal while Judaism was lawful, and the early Christians had to hold some Jewish mores so they wouldn’t be arrested and executed? Interesting, isn’t it…” and tagged it “two can play at that game”.
Christians weren’t being persecuted for not being Jewish; they were being persecuted for refusing to participate in state events from which the Jews were exempt via religious tradition. Christians were too new to be considered traditional, and were therefore considered in contempt of the state when they refused to, say, make a sacrifice on behalf of the Emperor. Also, we called each other brother & sister but still got married, and spoke weekly about eating a man alive, so people were kind of concerned.
Also, like, it was an explicitly socialist religion in an empire. That was never going to end well. The “mores” they had to hold were “don’t be anti-fascist” and “stop meeting in secret, we don’t know who you are and it’s freaking us out,” neither of which is explicitly Jewish and neither of which you can blame the Jews for.
Pretty minor, but in a poorly executed attempt to be inclusive, he wished everyone a happy Easter & Passover at the same time, only to be informed that Passover wouldn’t be happening for a month. So more about the assumption that Jews are lesser Christians again than any direct hostility. Perhaps better evidence of his ignorance of Jewish customs/how to hit “search” on Google.
 ABLEISM
Here there be slurs!
Alright. We’re going to begin this with a breakdown of the “lame” issue. Here’s the thing: Cybunnypoop hates it. He compares it (ceaselessly) to the r slur, which he uses liberally in his own defense.
I’m certainly not saying it isn’t a slur, or that you should use it, but to be frank, he’s wrong.
In both severity and time in which it’s been part of the English vernacular, lame is far more akin to other ableist slurs like “dumb,” “stupid,” “moron,” “idiot,”–all words which Cybunnypoop uses on the regular. The closest comparison we have to the r slur would be “cr*ppled”–which Cybunnypoop quotes on the regular.
Dumb is the closest analogue, as those middle three weren’t really popular until the American Eugenics Movement kicked in, but hey. If it bothers him so much, why say any of them?
Simply because, it only bothers him when it affects him directly and is said by his enemy.
For example, no problem whatsoever quoting Trump’s book, Cr*ppled America.
Here he calls someone ableist scum for calling him the r slur, yet here he mocks another’s offense at the term by comparing it to modern medical jargon.
Atheists and Liberals [sic] are “dumb”
“entirely okay” with the R slur
This post, which was also in the racism section, littered with fun slurs and what’s either blatant hypocrisy (see: his regular use of words like dumb/stupid) or one of the most incredible point-dodges I’ve ever seen.
Now we get into a recurring theme, with a recurring character. The problem with most of Cybunnypoop’s legitimate criticisms (e.g. lame is a slur, accessibility is bullshit) is that they’re never even googled, let alone researched, and that they come, 9 times out of 10, at the expense of another minority. Or, through sheer ignorance, one of his own.
“Trans people get [famous trans people]. Gay people get [famous gay people]. Black people get [famous black people]. Who do I get? I get Joe Swanson.”
“While everyone’s battling over how to bend backwards and make others comfortable, I’m just sitting here, cursing out the ungrateful bastards because there are places I can’t even ACCESS. […] And never mind the fact that there is no good disabled representation out there. You know who I get to look up to? Joe frickin’ Swanson. It’s so nice to be a forgotten minority. [bolding his]
Joe Swanson, for those of you who (like me) have no idea who that is, is a character on Family Guy in a wheelchair. This begs the question: Why do you need to shit on other groups and their representation to acknowledge how bad you have it?
There are dozens of famous disabled people I can name off the top of my head. Stephen Hawking, Hellen Keller, Beethoven, Lord Byron, FDR, Frida Kahlo, Sudha Chandran, John Milton–a cursory Google search reveals even more. Saying there are no famous disabled people is a shitty fucking thing to do, both because you’re erasing their accomplishments and you’re depriving other disabled people of that representation by pretending it doesn’t exist. Spreading misinformation so you can complain that everyone else is better off than you specifically is just plain cruel.
“I’m so sick and tired of society catering to race, ethnicity, sexuality, gender, but never giving a thought to people with disabilities. We don’t get a slice of the “diversity” pie.“
Catering to. … Catering to.
“Until our society can grow to acknowledge, accept, and represent the diverse world of disabilities, then we don’t have true equality and diversity.”
Like… he could have just made a post saying this. I mean, we have diversity regardless of equality, but that’s semantics. We don’t have to tear down other minorities to be heard. There’s enough “pie” for everyone.
Society: You should accept everyone regardless of sex, culture, gender, sexuality, race, class, ethnicity, economic status Person: What about disabled people? Society: Huh?
I’m not a big fan of his little infographics, primarily because he uses them exclusively as a platform to strawman himself, but this one in particular is uh, frustrating. If he’s speaking about popular society, very few people accept all the groups he listed, particularly class/economic status. If he’s speaking about our country….
Federal protected classes include: Race, color, religion/creed, national origin/ancestry, sex, age, physical or mental disability, veteran status, genetic information, citizenship. 
It’s the same story.
WHAT YOU CAN DO:
BLOCK HIM. Do not reblog his content. Stop him preemptively from reblogging yours. Do not engage with him. 
If you try to debate him, he will probably call you a bully, and you will probably get some not-so-mysterious anons. You will definitely be unable to reach a resolution. I know of at least one individual who’s attempting to “rehabilitate” him, so I guess we’ll see how that goes? I’d be genuinely delighted.
Reblog this post if you can, to spread the word.
Educate yourself about the issues addressed in this post. If you have questions, my inbox is always open.
I am not infallible, and I will also make mistakes. Please bring these to my attention immediately and they will be addressed.
This is a much less urgent situation than the previous post, as he’s (mostly) stopped harassing people, but you have a right to be aware of whom you’re interacting with. Whether you block him or befriend him or whatever is up to you, and I hope whatever choice you make is the right choice for you.
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slightlycharredwitch-blog · 7 years ago
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Friendship, Loss, and One’s Beliefs
If you stand up for what you believe in, must you inherently lose those you love? I find myself asking this, just less than a week after a massive rift has been torn through on of my closest friendships. It’s one that I’m not sure can repaired, and it’s tearing me up.
This story has three players, it has me, it has my sister, and it has our friend, whom I’ll call Cassandra to protect her privacy. Cassandra is a transwoman, which would have gone unmentioned had it not been critical information. Me and Cass hung out in the same online circles before she came out, and by sheer happenstance, we became close after she came out to our group, which was very liberal and supportive.
We had an amazing amount of fun, enjoyed exploring our common interests and differences. My sister is my best friend, and I introduced the two of them, and they became close as well. We enjoyed being a trio for years. Cassandra has depression, and through that, we held her hand, we told her it would be okay, and talked her through her darkest thoughts. I’ve had my own struggles, but because she was so hurt, I tried not to lean on her to much.
When her parents asked her to leave, we drove across the country to come and get her. We had mutual friends she was going to go live with and we made sure she could fly out to them. While she stayed with us, we gave her our clothes, we helped her get a wig, and we held her as she mourned her family. We did this because she needed it and we loved her.
Fast forward to these past few months, me and my sister begin looking into radical feminism. My sister had been a LibFem, and we’ve both always taken a stance of “know your enemy” because you can’t argue against what you don’t know. I’ve always been more vaguely feminist, but into national and international politics. For comparison, I’ve looked at the Alt-Right, learned why they are the way they are, I learned why they believe what they believe, and I see how it defies facts and morality. I can look at the alt-right without becoming it. Same for my sister.
But radical feminism didn’t look like that. There are those who are clearly transphobic, but every movement has it’s less savory element, the key was to look at the principles, to see if they match reality. And we looked hard, and we looked for holes, but overall, it was coherent. It reflected reality closely, and it held close to scientifically provable facts. I also saw no reason for being unable support trans people in principle.
Cassandra caught wind that we were looking at it, and she got very spooked. She told us to be careful, and that radical feminism changes people. We maintained that it did not change who we were, and we were not easily swayed. She said maybe we needed a trans perspective on the subject. We agreed, and we had already been looking at a spectrum of blogs, from transwomen, transmen, the detransitioned, and those who were content with their transition, and their relationships with and thoughts on radical feminism.
And now to earlier this week. I found an interesting blog post, reblogged by a trans radfem. It discussed the legacy of being born a certain sex, and how socialization can hold on in adulthood. I thought, “That might be a little painful, but she wanted to see what we were reading.“; “Your economic class leaves a mark growing up, many internal and external factors do.”; “She wanted to discuss this with us”. So I shared it in our 3-way chat.
Cassandra took it very badly. While she agreed with most of the points, she didn’t really believe in male privilege, because she was uncomfortable with her experience. She found the blog it was posted on to be horrifically transphobic, despite being from a trans person. She said she was horrified that we didn’t see fault in the post or the blogger. I backed out of the conversation, because I knew anything I had to say would upset her more, but my sister did engage. She tried to explain why disagreed with Cassandra, and that made Cass feel unheard. This continued for a while, and my sister explained that she loved Cassandra, and she wouldn’t have gone so far for someone she didn’t love and support. She wanted to express her loyalty, and her dedication, and that politics didn’t change her love.
And for that Cassandra called her abusive. Cassandra said that she was using abusive tactics, and that she was manipulative and arrogant. To protect my sister’s privacy, I won’t go into why, but this was a claim that cut her to the quick. Cassandra said that KNOWING that it would gravely wound her, as my sister had confided deeply personal history with her. And then she demanded an apology from my sister, which my sister gave. Cassandra said she forgave her and hoped my sister would forgive her. That this friendship was too good to lose over this.
My sister was sobbing. I know Cassandra was hurt, and she was angry, but my sister was angry too. But my sister never insulted Cassandra, she never dug up deep hurt from her past, she took care to try and spare Cassandra’s feelings, and in turn Cassandra went for the lowest most painful thing she could say to my sister. Just to make sure she hurt the same.
I asked Cassandra if she had any idea how madly she’d hurt my sister, I pointed out that calling someone an abuser is what you say when you’re cutting them out of your life forever. I pointed out that she said that at the same time as calling their friendship invaluable. In a way Cassandra relented, she said she didn’t think my sister was abusive, that she was ashamed that that was “the place my sleepless, overworked, fevered brain went to“ and that she couldn’t take the words back. She said that neither of them were blameless, and that my sister said some very hurtful things too, and they both spoke out of anger. That she forgave my sister, even if my sister thought she’d done nothing wrong.
Cassandra has taken a few days off the internet to heal. She said that she wanted to work this out and she hoped we could move past this. I love Cassandra, and if it was just about the politics, I think we could put it aside. I’ve had similar talks with my sibling (NB, they/them) and we ended up in a place where we don’t really talk about it.
In a way it’s a lot like religion, as these are deeply held beliefs about the way the world is and works. I’m an atheist, and she’s a Christian, we don’t necessarily agree about what happens when we die, but if we agree on what we want in life, why can we not be friends? Does it matter if I think a penis is male if it doesn’t stop me from telling her where she can find women’s clothes in her size? Does it matter if I think male socialization is real, if I also believe we are more than our pasts? Does any of it matter if I defended her use of a new name and female pronouns to her conservative family? It very well might, maybe as a rule, or maybe just to her personally. I concede I am not perfect, but I’m trying my best. I can’t choose what I believe.
But even if we could move past that, how can I ignore that she purposefully hurt my sister as badly as she could think of. How do you move past that? If I know she’ll use deep wounds against me in a moment of anger, how can I lean on her for support as friends do? She’s admitted to us over the years of deep feelings of jealousy, of a need for control, of a pride and fear of her ability to manipulate people. I love her, I’ve loved her, and she’s honestly been one of my closest friends.
I don’t want to lose her, but what of a friendship remains when almost all trust is lost?
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abbajane · 5 years ago
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I hope everyone had an informative and reflective Black History Month! This month for the Own Voices Global Reading Challenge we read for Black America (#ownvoices selections from Black American authors). Here’s what I read, listened to, and who I followed this month!
What I Read
Their Eyes Were Watching God by Zora Neale Hurston: My favorite of the month! This book has been on my TBR for ages, and I finally sat down to it and read it all in one sitting. Following the life of Janie from her idyllic but illusionary childhood, through her marriages, through her adventures and travels, Their Eyes radiates with beauty, love, and self-discovery. The story was so vibrant and moving, so complex and philosophical. I loved Janie and her story; she’s probably one of the most interesting and complex characters I’ve ever read. I was thinking about her and her story long after I closed the book.
An American Marriage by Tayari Jones: Another that’s been on my TBR for ever. I was working at the library when this book exploded in popularity — it was almost never on the shelf. With Jones being a local author, I was excited to read her Atlanta and this book did not disappoint. Moving between the lives of a married couple, Roy Jr. and Celestial, the novel navigates the complicated terrain of love while the characters navigate the even more complicated terrain of a wrongful conviction and imprisonment. I was riveted to the last chapter, unsure how it was going to turn out well for anyone with only a few pages left. A moving portrait of love, loss, and the effects of the criminal justice system on Black lives, this novel is an instant classic.
Citizen: An American Lyric by Claudia Rankine: I had the honor of meeting Claudia Rankine while I was in college. She was a guest at Agnes Scott College’s Annual Writers’ Festival in 2017 while I was interning with the program. I was amazed by her wisdom and quiet grace, and I thoroughly enjoyed her reading though I had never read her work. When I devised this challenge, she was immediately at the forefront of my list for this month. Citizen is a moving collection of experiences, reflections, and essays in which Rankine lays bare the Black experience. There was so much I learned not only about the physical and casual experiences that Black women face, but also about historical events of racism and violence that I had never heard about before.
For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide/When the Rainbow is Enuf by Ntozake Shange: I found this book from a bingo card for Black history month by @diverseclassics on Instagram (see below!). I had heard about this book here and there, but I didn’t really know what to expect from it. It was unlike anything that I’ve ever read. Written and performed on stage originally in the 1970s, For Colored Girls is a moving and flowing collection of Black women’s experiences. It can be hard to read. I will admit that the form of this book really inhibited the experience of it for me. I have no experience in theater, I don’t read plays, and I only read poetry when forced. I’d love to watch this book performed, as it was intended.
Just Mercy by Brian Stevenson: Another that’s been on my TBR for a while! This book came to my attention more seriously when the film was released, but I had watched it dance around on Bookstagram for a while. I found a copy at my library book sale recently, so I had it up farther on the list. I knew it would be good, but I had no idea how moving, how emotional, and how mindset changing it would be for me. The book follows the experience of the now-famed civil rights lawyer Brian Stevenson as he became involved with Death Row cases and began his organization the Equal Justice Initiative. The stories Stevenson told about the people he met on Death Row, the injustices they faced, the outright racism that warped their lives was truly harrowing. I cried a lot reading this book. It truly changed how I think about the world and the experiences of others in it.
What I Listened To
Ella Fitzgerald (with Louie Armstrong): a classic! I love nothing more than dancing around the kitchen cooking dinner while Ella and Louie sing their jazz.
H.E.R.: I’ve been a fan of H.E.R.’s award show performances for years. Her style and skill and attitude and persona on stage is electric and empowering. I’ve just gotten around to listening to her music more casually and I’ve really enjoyed the experience!
Bobby Hebb: I found the song “Sunny” on instagram’s music feature while I was looking for a happy song to put with a video of one of my cats rolling in the sun. The rain and cold and whisper of spring this month has me listening to this song literally once a day.
The Birth of Rhythm and Blues (Spotify playlist): I love this Spotify playlist! So much good music!
Women of Motown (Spotify playlist): Another classic. Gladys Knight and Diana Ross — need I say more?
Who I Followed
@booksbythecup: This Bookstagram is so dreamy! Creator La’Shell posts photos daily of Black-authored books with cups of tea. She’s been working through the alphabet this month, posting a photo each day with a theme.
@nedratawwab: Nedra Glover Tawwab is a therapist and writer who posts amazing graphics about mental health, healthy relationships, and living to your truth. This is a great entry way into therapy for someone considering it, and a great resource for those who can’t invest fully in therapy at the time.
@rachel.cargle: Rachel Elizabeth Cargle is a writer, academic, and lecturer. For the month of February, in honor of Black History Month, she posts prompts for folks to research Black History for themselves. I love this idea! It’s an amazing way to bring attention to topics in Black history that aren’t well known and to practice your researching skills.
@diverseclassics: A staple of Bookstagram! This account is dedicated to highlighting marginalized voices in the literary world as well as redefining what the “classic canon” is. I’ve discovered so many new authors and books through this account. They also shared this amazing bingo-card style list for Black classics which was very helpful in building my TBR!
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Further Reading
Here are some topics in Black America that need to be talked about. Obviously, this short list doesn’t begin to cover the traumas and injustices and realities that Black Americans face each day living in this country, but it is a good place to start to bring awareness to targeted and vulnerable people in this community. DISCLAIMER: Many of these issues deal with violence against Black people. Read the links at your discretion.
Violence against Transwomen of Color: MTV has recently launched a new show in their primetime slot on Wednesdays called MTV True Crime in which Dometi Pongo, the host, investigates crimes against young people, largely people of color. The show is hard to watch at times, but it brings a lot of light to issues that the modern American teenager faces, especially when they are from marginalized groups. One episode covers the murder of Kedarie Johnson, a gender-fluid teen in Iowa in 2016. The episode largely focuses on Kedarie’s murder, but also highlights a major issue in the Black Community today — violence against transwomen and gender non-conforming people. Often, the woman or person’s race and gender identity puts them at greater risk for violence, and their murders are not being solved, reported on, or brought to public attention.
Books in Prison: Reading Just Mercy by Brian Stevenson already had the prison system on my mind, and then articles began to come to my attention that discussed the censorship and banning of books in prison, which appear to be largely racially motivated. Toni Morrison, James Baldwin, and history books about racism in America are among those on banned lists across the country. Obviously, being such a huge proponent myself of freedom to read, this was a big issue for me. People in the prison system not only still have the right to read and pursue learning and education and art, but they have the right to access stories that resonate with them and reflect their experience and identity. The Equal Justice Initiative has fought the courts in many cases and has gotten bans lifted on what books prisoners are allowed to receive in prison, but most states still have racially biased banned lists. If you are interested in donating books to prisons, check this link for a list of organizations you can support. To learn more about the history of racism in the prison system, check out Ava DuVernay’s documentary 13TH, which is currently available on Netflix.
Violence against Black children in schools: The Black body is safe almost no where in America. In schools, headlines recently have been bombarded with news about children of color, especially Black children, facing extreme and unbelievable violence in schools. Increasingly, this violence comes at the hands of police. All ages are risk: 6-year-olds, 11-year-olds, teenagers. Black youth are more likely to be arrested at school than any other group. This report from an activist group called We Came to Learn reports on the history of violence against Black children in schools, highlighting that our current situation stems from segregationist beliefs and practices. The violence is not only physical: ‘spirit-murdering‘ of youth of color takes place when school systems, teachers, and administrators denigrate the identity and experience of their students in a racially discriminatory way.  This action kit by We Came to Learn can provide you with resources and support for fighting racial discrimination against children in your schools.
  I hope you enjoyed this month’s reading as much as I did. I got around to books that had been on my list forever, discovered new favorites, and learned more about the experience of my Black siblings in America. There is so much work to be done. Let’s get going!
  Black America: Wrap-up! I hope everyone had an informative and reflective Black History Month! This month for the Own Voices Global Reading Challenge we read for Black America (#ownvoices selections from Black American authors).
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