#I just realized yesterday was 10 years since I first attempted

[theerastour]

x

[lightseoul]

Congratulations!!! 🎉🎊 How about #5? 🫣

thank you, love! tagging also @tsunderelover07; thank you for playing <3

(this is lightseoul's 2k milestone event ft. bakugou katsuki! to play, view the numbered list of prompts here, then simply send an ask with your chosen number and i'll whip something up!)

warnings. includes themes concerning depression; negative affect in general. read at your own risk.

5. "I'M NOT LEAVING SO GET USED TO ME." (1.3k)

ever since who-knows-when, the goal has always been simple.

pain alleviation.

at least, in theory, it sounds simple. when you think about it, it’s nothing like the seemingly insurmountable task of getting a master’s degree, neither is it as grandiose as finally finding a partner and settling down.

but for someone like you?

well, it’s the best you can muster on most if not all, days, really.

and today’s a textbook example of that.

you squint at the small text displayed on your phone screen, the blue light hurting your eyes in the darkness that’s enveloping the entirety of your studio unit. the clock reads 6:08 PM, but the lack of light cannot be credited to the sun’s waning presence—your black-out curtains have been drawn since, what… yesterday?

the past few days have gone by in a complete blur, you’ve lost track of which day it is.

you’re about to put your phone down in favor of stewing in your bed and debating whether or not you have the energy to order yourself some dinner when your phone chimes its familiar ringtone, indicating a text message.

picking it up, you recognize the id right away.

(6:09 PM) katsuki💥: Omw. Want me to pick anything up by the store?

shit.

now you know it’s a friday.

mustering the little strength you have left, you type out a reply as quickly as you can. before you can think twice about what you just wrote down, you hit send.

(6:10 PM) you: actually, can i take a rain check? i don’t think i’m the best company rn.

sighing, you finally place your device beside you, opting to stare at the off-white ceiling.

you hope bakugou actually listens to you for once and doesn’t press like he usually does. when you first met him in the same agency you both interned for three years ago, you instantly caught wind of how mind-bogglingly stubborn the guy is. but it wasn’t until you became great friends, strangely enough, that you realized the extent of his tenacity. you never thought you’d end up being best friends with the budding hero you found yourself disliking since day—

your train of thought is rudely interrupted by your stomach growling, and you decide then and there that the one thing you can do to alleviate your pain for today is to feed yourself.

you repress the urge to groan in pain as you slowly sit up and move to shimmy your feet into your slippers.

but you don’t even get to reach your kitchen when the telltale sound of your lock clicking echoes through your foyer, almost instantly followed by the door bursting wide open.

you know you should be alarmed, but there’s only one person who can and has the audacity to use your sole spare key without your explicit permission.

still, you don’t fight the frown that takes over your face as you haul yourself to the doorway, watching the man closely as he toes off his trainers and puts them neatly beside your everyday sandals, nonchalant as ever.

“i thought i told you i’m taking a rain check,” you immediately cringe at how rough your voice sounds from unuse.

bakugou stands upright, placing what looks like a bag of groceries on top of your kitchen counter before rounding you and approaching the windows like he owns the place.

“you asked me if you can,” he shoots back as he opens your curtains. “the answer is no.”

a familiar surge of anger pulses through your body. you clench your fists in an attempt to ground yourself—you know from experience that mouthing off on your best friend would do nothing to lessen your pain even if it seems oh-so appealing at the moment.

“…well, don’t expect me to host you. i actually had other plans tonight.”

“is that so?” comes his signature snarky reply, the man turning to regard you. “does your plan include starving yourself ‘til you fall asleep?”

your frown deepens. “i was just about to order dinner before you showed up.” you debate for a second whether you should say the next thing, ultimately deciding fuck it. “now i don’t have an appetite anymore.”

that was a blatant lie. you’re famished, but he doesn’t need to know that. you just needed to be alone right now.

bakugou’s face hardens at your retort. his jaw clenches ever so slightly, in a way that tells you he’s trying to be patient but is getting frustrated.

when he doesn’t say anything, you shuffle back to your bed and sit on the edge of it, ready to wait him out on his exit.

but bakugou katsuki isn’t anything if not stubborn.

“i heard from mina you called in sick again today,” comes his gruff voice.

damn your closest girl friend turned co-worker and her running mouth.

“so?”

bakugou sighs from where he’s now standing in front of and looking at you. “how many leaves do you have left?”

at the mention of it, your stomach drops in dread. an all-too-familiar pulse of anxiety also shoots through your veins. “…two.”

two sick leaves left, and it’s only motherfucking july.

silence befalls the two of you, but it’s not the comfortable kind that usually lulls you both whenever you’re alone in each other’s presence. no, this quiet is borderline irritating, and you can practically hear the gears turning in the man’s head as he processes the fact you’ve been trying to grapple with yourself for the last few weeks now.

the fact that you’re absolutely fucked.

before he can comment on your situation or say anything uselessly placating, you pipe up. “but don’t worry about me. i know you have a lot on your plate right now.”

at that, bakugou scoffs, and your features instinctively contort in annoyance at the sound.

you’re trying to be nice, for god’s sake. something that takes so much of you lately when it used to come naturally your whole life.

you purse your lips in a tight line. “look, if you’re just gonna keep on being an asshole, it’s better if you just leave.”

instead of turning a 180 and giving you your solitude, however, bakugou crouches down on his knees until you’re face to face.

you suddenly become acutely aware of the fact that you haven’t washed your face nor brushed your teeth since yesterday. despite your exasperation with the guy, you hope he doesn’t notice.

if he is noticing, though, he doesn’t mention it. instead, he reaches out and uncharacteristically gently brushes out a strand of hair from your face, tucking it behind your ear.

“i’m not leaving, so get used to me.”

with that, he moves to stand up and maybe make his way to the kitchen to cook you dinner, but your reflexes work fast enough for you to grab his wrist before he's out of reach.

bakugou freezes in his tracks, eyes drifting from the grip you have on him to your face, a confused expression etched on his features.

“…just leave, kats,” you barely manage to get out, unable to meet his gaze. “i’m really not the best company right now.”

you brace yourself for another scoff over which you were absolutely going to smack him, but it doesn’t come. instead, bakugou merely coaxes his wrist from your hold before clasping your hands together.

you look up at your best friend, stunned at the rare gesture.

his face is solemn and grip firm when he replies. “don’t i get to be the judge of that?”

[rafesbabyg1rl]

The Watcher ~ Part Two

Part One, Part Three

Summary: Rafe Cameron x Reader, Stalker!Rafe x Pogue!Reader Your parents work late on Friday nights, which you spend alone. Except you haven't been alone in a long time, not that you know of at least. Rafe has watched for years, he's very good at it. His idea of staying an anonymous stalker is ruined when you catch him in your bedroom one Friday night. Rafe has to figure out how to fix his mistake before he loses the only thing that makes his life worth living. After you find the surprise he had left for you, you choose to believe that his threats were empty and try to turn him in. But, your plans are interrupted and you take an unexpected visit to Tannyhill.

Warnings: Rafe stalks reader...that's literally the plot. Strong & descriptive language, suggestive themes, death threat(?), manipulation, kidnapping (?). If I missed anything from this part that I should include in the warnings, please let me know!

Word Count: 3.5k

Author Note: Part Two is here!! I know this chapter is shorter than the previous, but I figured it's better to get what I had out. Also...I'm not sure if I like where this is going, so please share your thoughts about this part and ideas for future parts. Thank you all for the support on the first part of this story. Especially with this being my first work I've published on tumblr, I am very pleasantly surprised with how everyone has reacted to it. So, please enjoy and feel free to leave feedback! I love you all, thank you so much!!

CREDITS: The foundation of this fic was heavily inspired by/ based off of one of @faiszt 's bots on character ai. So, if you like this and you like character ai, I greatly suggest that you check out the bot!

The blinding morning light shines into your room through your curtains. You sit up and rub your eyes. You glance at the digital clock on your nightstand which currently reads: 10:34 am. Those sleeping pills really worked, you think. Your parents are already at the restaurant, probably just getting over with the morning rush. 

Your eyes begin to focus, your brows furrow as your eyes land on one of the posts of your footboard. You lean forward to grab the pair of panties you had just worn yesterday which are hanging from your bedpost. You’re pretty sure you had put these in your hamper last night and wait, why are they sticky…? You wonder, you examine them and come to the realization of what it is. Immediately you toss them away, that was not from you. It was your stalker, it had to be. Of course, the first night you spend alone since four weeks ago and he already breaks in. And he does this? You think about his words, “tell anyone and I’ll come back and fuckin’ kill you”, shivers roll down your spine. 

You hadn’t even had time to realize how horny you had been when you had woken up; and now that you have you feel so wrong. But your dream…oh god your dream. You can still remember it vividly, even more so the longer you think about it; you can see the face of the man who fucked you stupid in your dream. You know who it was, who your subconscious mind let you fuck while you slept. It was your stalker. 

Without another thought, you’re in the shower scrubbing the shame and disgust from your skin—or at least attempting to. When you feel somewhat satisfied, which also happens to be when the water begins to run cold, you finally get out. Wrapping a plush towel around your freshly clean body, you lean over the bathroom sink and wipe the condensation from the mirror leaving just enough space to see yourself. Before the glass fogs back up you’re able to see a small part of what appears to be a bruise poking out from underneath the towel wrapped around your chest. You lean in closer using one hand to re-wipe the mirror and using the other to pull your towel down past your boobs. Looking back at the bruised area on your chest, you can see that the closer you look at it, the more it looks like a hickey. You just about stumble backwards at the realization. 

You’ve had enough. After you quickly toss on some clothes, you grab your keys off your dresser with a shaky hand. You rush out towards your car and get inside, pulling out of your driveway carelessly and speeding off. When you arrive at your destination, you take a few moments to rethink this plan. You have to do this. You can’t keep living with some creep sneaking in your bedroom and touching you as you sleep. You twist the keys in the ignition and pull them out, you confidently strut towards the entrance of the building. When you feel the vibration of your phone in your pocket you pause, sighing as you reach back to take it out. When you read the random number, with the same Outer Banks area code as you, your brows furrow. Typically you wouldn’t answer a call from an unknown number, but something in you is telling you to answer. As you press the green button and bring your phone to your ear, you glance up at the building you were about to enter which reads, ‘Kildare County Sheriff’s Office’. 

“Hello?” You ask warily.

After a few long seconds, the person on the other side of the line answers you. “Stop.” The man’s voice sends familiar chills down your spine. 

“Excuse me?” You respond, your voice audibly shaky. “Who…who is this?”

“C’mon pup, you already forgot what I sound like? It’s already been that long?” Your eyes widen at the realization of who this voice belongs to. You’ve heard it one other time, well one time that you remember.

As your head darts around the parking lot looking for your stalker, your voice comes out in a tone that easily betrays you, revealing your fear, “No…no…what the hell do you want?”

Rafe smirks from his truck as he watches you from afar. “I want you to turn around and get back in your car, m’kay princess? And I highly suggest you do what I want.” 

“Or what? What’s stopping me from walking in? Or from yelling for help?” You take a step closer to the building’s entrance.

“Stubborn, stubborn girl…” the man chuckles, “If you don’t get back into your fucking car right now, you’re gonna really fuckin’ wish you had just listened to me. I’m gonna get what I want no matter what, baby. You’re mine.” And with that, Rafe hangs up the phone, still watching you from a distance. 

As much as you want to just run into the building and beg for help, you know that unfortunately since you’re a pogue, the cops aren’t going to believe a single word that comes from your mouth. In their minds, all pogues are liars and thieves. And since you don’t have the slightest clue on who the man you saw in your bedroom is, you figure there’s not much they’d be able to do even if they did believe you. So you reluctantly turn back to your car and get inside. The moment your door shuts you inside, your phone buzzes yet again with another call. It’s coming from the same number, but this time you don’t answer. This was your second mistake. 

Rafe’s already pissed off. You went against his rules, you didn’t listen to him, none of this will work if you don’t listen. He thought he had been threatening enough that you’d behave, but clearly you need another scare. You need to be taught that disobeying him does nothing but hurt you more. When you don’t answer the phone when you definitely know it’s him calling, this is just the cherry on top; the icing on the cake. Rafe is fuming. 

You drive out of the parking lot, breath heavy as you stay on high alert–searching for him. A truck suddenly pulls behind you, tailing right on your ass. You can’t see through the truck's front windshield due to the dark tint. You being paranoid, step on the gas and speed up a bit, well exceeding the speed limit. A few quick seconds pass by and you jump at the sound of sirens. It doesn’t take long for you to check your rearview mirror and realize that the sirens are coming from the truck behind you, which is flashing its red and blue lights. You let out a breath of relief. You’re being pulled over yet you’re relieved because it means you aren’t being trailed by your stalker. The feeling is short lived as you flick your signal on and pull off to the side of the road. You roll your window down and shut off the engine.

The officer approaches you and goes through the typical routine and you try to calm your nerves. All sound is drowned out as you get lost in your thoughts. 

“Ma’am?”, the officer repeats. “Do you know why I’ve pulled you over today?”

The sharp and unintentionally threatening voice of the deputy snaps you out of wherever the hell it was that your mind had taken you to. “Yes, sorry sir, I…I was going over the speed limit.” You submit, wanting to get this over with. You can’t help but worry what your stalker would think if he saw this, he’d probably think you’re turning him in. But, you’re not. Really this whole thing was a misunderstanding, but you can’t explain that to the cop. 

“And why is that?” He questions you ever further, his gaze staring at you intensely. You get nervous and want to look away, but you worry that might make you look guilty of something. You’ve been pulled over before, it’s not usually a big deal for you. However you’re just so goddamn nervous and need this moment to be over. You feel like you’ve done something wrong; like you’re hiding something. But you aren’t.

“I–I thought…I just got distracted sir, wasn't thinking about speed. I apologize for the inconvenience.” You catch yourself, technically you aren’t lying; you just aren’t explaining why you were distracted. The threatening words of your stalker still echo around your head. The deputy gives a small lecture as he writes up a ticket for you. Once he gets back into his truck and drives off, you rest your head back against the seat and let out the breath you’ve been holding. When you start your car back up and finally open your eyes, you look straight out across the road. You can see a tall man leaning against a truck parked across the road, staring right at you. The familiar grin on his face has you sick to your stomach. 

After making direct eye contact with him, you pull off the side of the road and do an illegal U-turn so that you’re heading in the opposite direction, leaving the man behind. You know that he’s following you, so you drive around aimlessly until you get another call from the same unknown number. You want to decline, but you’re too afraid to face the consequences that might follow. 

“What do you want?” You ask, voice full of faux confidence. The only thing you hear on the other side of the line is a heavy breath that causes your skin to become full of goosebumps. 

After you’ve had a few moments to panic, he finally speaks, “Keep driving”. His words are not said lightly. This is undoubtedly a command, not an option. 

“Keep driving to where?” You stammer with nervousness. 

“Tannyhill.” He replies strictly. 

“Tannyhill?” You question before being able to stop yourself. You can’t help the attitude that slips into your voice. When a few more moments of silence pass, you get more and more anxious for his response. “Hello…?” You ask quietly, wondering if you lost connection. Still nothing. “Hello?” You ask again with more volume. After another minute or two, you hear the phone beep; the call disconnects. 

Why the hell does he want you to go to Tannyhill? It doesn’t make any sense. But you don’t exactly have a choice. He’s following you either way and it’s not like he doesn’t know where you live…and just about everything about your life. So, it’s probably best to just play along and obey his commands. 

When you get close to the general destination, your phone rings with yet another call. You answer, already knowing who it's from. This time you don’t speak first, you wait to hear what he has to say. It takes a few moments, almost like he’s trying to wait long enough that you’ll talk. The silence starts to get unbearably awkward, but your mind is set on waiting for him to speak and Rafe doesn’t have the time to wait; having to give you directions and all. When he finally talks he doesn’t greet you. His voice breaking the silence startles you as he instructs you with the directions to get wherever it was he was forcing you to go. 

“Wait…turn left h-here?” You ask, confused at his directions. You had missed the beginning of what he said since you had to collect yourself after being frightened. 

He sighs in impatience, “No dammit, the next one. Were you not listening?” 

“I…no I-I was listening–” you stumble over your words as you turn onto the street he wanted you to. 

“Bullshit. You need to learn how to fucking listen to me, don’t you?” When you don’t respond, trying to focus on remembering the directions he gave you, it only serves to piss him off even further. “Huh?! Don’t you?!” He shouts into the phone as he follows behind you.

You whine in fear, “No..I can listen. I promise I can listen to you.” You practically beg. “J-just tell me where to go?”

Rafe directs you to his house, which you of course recognize as the Cameron’s mansion. You’ve heard about the Cameron’s, but you wouldn’t be able to point them out in a crowd or anything. Besides from the father, Ward Cameron, whom you’ve seen on the news several times. Is he a Cameron? As you park in the large driveway, you rack your brain trying to recall the name of the Cameron son. 

His truck parks behind you, blocking your car in. He quickly kills the engine and exits his vehicle. You don’t notice him walking up to you until he’s yanking your car door open and pulling you out by the arm.

“R-rafe?” You mumble insecurely. He pauses to look at you, chuckling at your words. He mutters a quick ‘smart girl’ before retightening his grip on your arm and continuing to pull you into the large mansion. You start to cry, getting overwhelmed as you imagine the many possible scenarios that may occur. “P-please,” you manage to choke out. “What do you want?”

Unlike the last time you cried to him, this time he doesn’t stop. He drags you up one level of the large, spiral staircase; pulling you into his bedroom. As soon as you see the bed, you’re already feeling it beneath your back when he shoves you down just a few seconds later. As if you hadn’t already embarrassed yourself enough, you can’t help the tears that begin to stream down your flushed cheeks at a flooding rate. 

“Wait…no, please, please!” The way you keep shouting and choking back sobs causes you to gag from how worked up you’ve gotten yourself. All the Cameron son does in response is lean back to get a full view of you as a smug grin spreads across his face. “Please, I—oh god, I’m gonna be sick…” You mumble, which is quickly followed by another gag that interrupts your constant sobs. 

Rafe snakes his hand up from your arm to your hair, wrapping his first tightly around a large section of it. He tugs on your hair to force your head to look up at him, causing a small whine to escape your lips. “Shhh…baby, shhh…” He mumbles, his ‘worried’ tone working to oppose his previous amused expression. “Calm down, alright? Calm down. Ain’t gonna do nothin’ you don’t want, m’kay pretty girl?” The way he says that last part…you’ve never heard his voice sound like that before. You didn’t even think he was capable of talking in that tone. He sounds like he might actually truly care about you. You’re relieved; maybe even a bit…comforted by the fact that he might be telling the truth about not doing anything you don’t want. Well, besides having you basically held captive in his home. 

“What…what are you gonna do?” You manage to choke out between sobs, trying to catch your breath so you can calm down.

“I just wanna talk to you baby. Alright?” Rafe mumbles your name into your ear, allowing you to feel his hot breath against the side of your face. Immediately you’re taken back to the first time you had met him, in your bedroom a few weeks back. You try to push that aside and bring yourself back to the present; the memory only brings back the feelings of complete and utter fear you experienced at that time. Not that the present was any better, hell, it was worse. 

Hesitantly, you nod. He waits a few minutes to speak; waiting for you to catch your breath. Once you’re calmer, at least on the outside, he finally starts to talk. “I wanted to talk about my proposition…” He looks down at you, bringing his hand up to cautiously run through your hair. “Last time I got cut short…remember that?”

You nod. “I…I tried to warn you my parents would come home. I-I swear I didn’t tell them anything.” You say frantically, trying to prove your innocence.

“Hey, shh…it’s okay babe. I know. I know.” Rafe speaks slowly, his eyes never leaving your lips. He pauses to momentarily dart his tongue out to wet his parted lips. “I know. You haven’t told…you’ve been a good girl and listened to me, hm? Haven’t you baby? Haven't you been a good girl?” 

You nod frantically. “I…I’d never turn you in…” The false seductiveness in your voice turns him off, if that’s even possible. 

He pulls back from you and sighs, “Shut up.” He runs a rough hand over his buzzed head and begins to quickly pace across his bedroom. 

“B-but you wanted to talk…” You remind him. The way his attitude was constantly shifting in great amounts had you furrowing your brows as you tried to figure him out. 

“Yeah, I do. But not to a goddamn filthy, lying whore.” He retorts, a large grin appearing on his face while he watches your beautiful features move on your face, displaying your thoughts  as you take in his words. “Just be yourself alright? I can always tell when you’re not you.” He says almost sincerely. “I want…I need you to want this. Don’t try to pull that fake crap on me ever again, yeah?” 

Immediately you nod. “I…yes-”, you stammer, instantly regretting even trying to talk in the first place. Rafe chuckles, making your cheeks heat up in embarrassment. He stops pacing and lets out a long sigh, turning to face you again. His steps pause when he’s standing just before you. 

He leans down to whisper in your ear. “I really need this to work, okay…? This is good, this can be good for the both of us. I can help you; we can help each other, baby.” A silent tear rolls down your cheek from the fear of what’s to come. “I know…I know I messed up, alright? I know. But, you don’t have to be scared, baby. It’s all gonna be okay.” He brushes a stray strand of hair behind your ear.

“Please…I just wanna go home, let me go home!” Your cries are ugly, and very, very real. The fear in your voice only worries him. Worries him that you may never get past this. But you have to. You don’t have another option. And he really, really doesn’t want to have to hurt you. That was never his intention. 

“But you are home, baby. You are home.” He mutters as his fingers brush over your cheeks, smearing your tears. Your breath hitches at his words and your eyes slowly move up to meet his. This cannot be happening. Why is this happening? You think.

“No…please I…just let me go home. I won’t tell. I promise I won’t. I’ll…I’ll never tell anyone about any of this okay, I’ll never say anything about you.”

“I can’t do that, baby…you know I can’t do that.”

“Why not? I swear, I’ll never ever breathe a word of this to anyone.” You say enticingly.

Rafe sits down besides you, causing the mattress to dip and make you lean towards him. He puts an arm around you and his hand lands on the back of your head, pulling it into his chest.

He leans down to speak into your ear while his hand pets over your hair as you cry into his chest. “Because I need you baby, I need you. And I need you to let me take care of you, yeah? I know…I know you’re scared, but you don’t have to be. Just trust me okay…we’re gonna be so good together baby.” He tugs at your hair, gently guiding your face to look up at him. “Just listen to me and nothing will happen, I don’t wanna have to…do anything. I just need to know that you’ll listen to what I say.” Immediately you nod, going along with what he says. He tugs on your hair harder, eliciting a gasp to fall from your lips. “Ah ah, I know you can talk. You’re a big girl, now fucking act like it.” He says forcefully.

“I-I’m gonna listen, I’ll listen to you, just please, please don’t hurt me.”

He smiles softly as his eyes dart across your face, unable to pick a feature to focus on, everything about you is just too damn perfect. “Don’t worry I won’t hurt you, not as long as you listen.” His grip loosens on your hair again. “But you’ll be begging for it soon enough.” Rafe’s whispers are enough to make your sobs start again; in which he pulls your head back into his chest. Your tears soak into his shirt as you have no choice but to cry into him.

To be continued...

Thank you for reading! I hope this was enjoyable. This part took quite a bit for me to finish, since life has been a bit busy and I haven't had much time to plan or write. I apologize for the short chapter, I'll try my best to make up for it with the next part! I never really feel done with anything and as I said before I'm not sure if I'm a fan of this part or not. So, if you have literally ANY feedback, questions, or suggestions, PLEASE feel free to let me know! I don't really have any solid plans for this fic so if you have any ideas I just might include them in future parts. And there's not much I won't write!

[valiantwombatpanda]

Things I've recently noticed in my attempted glow up Era. List is kinda long... sorry!

1. I took a photo of my body a year ago and compared it to a photo taken yesterday.. I was 4 pounds lighter in the first picture but the muscles and how toned my stomach looks now??? Crazzyyy what a little toning can do. I look so much better.

2. I took some spicy pictures, and my arms are twigs.

3. I want to be SKINNYYY but I also want a butt. I hate hate hate exercise so I'm going to have to suck it up cuz at this point, I need muscle there since I clearly don't have the fat.

4. I cleaned out my closet for the first time since High school and I realized being 23 and living in NY, it's time to up my fashion from Baggy jeans and oversized sweaters to maybe something a bit classier. I'm going for elegant but still has fun. Being so close to my goal weight, I'm confident in shopping a size down knowing it will fit me and it's time to wear clothes flattering to my body shape.

5. Motivation and discipline are not the same thing and in my opinion, discipline is more important than Motivation. You can be motivated all you want... but do you have the discipline to achieve it?

6. Water. Water. Water!!!! Fat cells don't go away. So as an example, my starting weight was 108 and I am now 90. All the fat cells I have from being 108 are still there but "deflated." That's why it's so easy to gain weight and so hard to lose. Water weight is temporary and will go away. It's just those cells "swelling" up. One day you'll wake up 2 pounds lighter and it's because those fat cells that were replaced with water finally let it all go.

7. Nobody can tell if you've lost or gained 5 pounds.

8. I struggled with cystic acne my entire teen life and even into my early 20s. I was probably the queen of pimple creams. You want to try a new product? I've already tried it and here's my experience. I went to countless dermatologists and was even given medicated treatments and antibiotics. They made my acne WORSE. I learned, at least for me, that SIMPLE products work best. I use an organic goat milk soap bar, vitamin c moisturizer, and literally a misting of sunscreen on my face and haven't had a zit bigger than a pinprick in over a year and they've all been cycle related. Also, removing the peach fuzz from your face helps with oil and dirt

9. If you're like me and enjoy BOILING showers, please do not wash your hair or face in hot water. Washing your face should be the first and last step when showering. Allow the steam to open your pores and then switch the water to Luke warm to wash, cold to rinse... same with your hair! Cold water onllyyy and do not dry with a towel. A simple cotton shirt is so much better for it.

10. Whitening your teeth doesn't have to cost much at all. Crest 3D Whitening strips do the job very well or you can take a banana peel as it's turning from green to yellow and rub the inside of the peel on your teeth. Worked wonders for me when I couldn't afford Whitening strips.

11. 3 basics I do everyday to be put together. If someone were to knock on my door, I should feel comfortable enough in my appearance to open it. Always have your hair done in some kind of way (pony, half up, claw clipped, even a messy bun), always have on clean clothes (yes pj's are fine but remember if someone knocked, are your pj's matching? Flattering? Or do you look messy and lazy?) Always have your teeth brushed and face put together.

12. Get off your phone. Get offfff yourrrr phone!!! I see so many people in public with their heads down watching their phone, or at a table and they have their phone out, or walking with a group of friends and they all have phones. Phones can enhance an experience (a museum offering a guided tour) and that's fine! But I hate the amount of full grown adults walking down the street glued to a phone. I give teens a break, but adults?? Please step away from the glowing rectangle in your hand for an HOUR while we are at dinner. The biggest glow up is to be present. Put your phone down at the table and notice the people around you, put your phone down while walking down the street and observe the world. To me, the most attractive people I see aren't on their phones.. they are experiencing.

13. Fruits and vegetables not only look like an aesthetic on a plate, but you look like an aesthetic eating them. You get so many nutrients out of them and you get a full stomach much quicker for wayyyyy less calories. Some fruits and veggies even burn calories to digest.

14. There is nothing wrong with noticing flaws on your body and NOT embracing them. I've lived in Hawaii all my life and always wore shorts because my bikini line would break out the DAY I would shave. Well laser hair takes too long, waxing sounds AWFUL, so I got a tattoo in that area. I still get red angry bumps from time to time (olive oil, exfoliating, and a NEW Razor each time has helped) But now my tattoo takes away from those bumps and they aren't noticeable. I feel confident in bikinis because I modified the area that was bothering me.

15. Trends are great, but learn to accept that some trends just aren't meant for you. A glow up is being true to yourself and what you feel confident in. It's about knowing that the magical product that works for them may not work for you, it's knowing your body type, type of skin you have, colors that enhance or take away from you, and fashion comes and goes but style does not.

16. If you have a period, I am begging you to track your moods, your symptoms, your cycle phases. You'll not only feel so in touch with the rapid changes our bodies go through, but you'll be able to predict your body's cycle. I know for a fact next week I need to spend extra care with my skin, I'll be bloated so I should avoid foods that contribute and not worry too much about any "gain", and my hair will get greasy easily so I should switch my hair routine up a little bit. Knowing your cycle phases and the hormones that relate will do wonders in keeping your mental and physical health in check.

17. This kinda goes with 12, but be friendly. Smile at the cashier and ask them how they are, say please and thank you to everyone, hold the door open for the family of 4 with a stroller, listen to your friends and find a way to loop back to the friend whose story got unintentionally interrupted by someone else. Make the people you care about feel like they have your attention. Dont make comments to put people down (i was so bad at this. I would say, "god. She's 40 and dressing like that?" Now i catch myself and i say "i want her confidence. Look how shes rocking the zebra print boots!") don't match a rude person's energy.. all it does is fuel an already "unhealthy" situation. Take the rudeness with grace. Be present, be kind, be open and you'll attract people like a magnet.

18. Old lady perfume only smells like an old lady because you are over spraying. A dab on both wrists, a dab on the naval, a dab on the ankles and MAYBE some behind your ear. It's supposed to smell light and flowery not like you've raided your grandma's closet. Save the big all over body sprays for perfumes from bath and body works.

[comrade-alita]

Pokemon Sword Completion

Yesterday I completed Pokemon Sword, a task that I was not really looking forward to as I have already completed it once and my switch and games were stolen last year and while I had managed to get everything back all of my save data were deleted so I had to completely start over from scratch, which I didn't want to do and why I avoided it until now. But a realization hit me as I was playing Ultra Moon, which is the game I'm currently playing to get finished for the ribbon master challenge. I realized that I could cheese pokemon sword by going to the Dynomax Adventure area to get myself a Suicune BEFORE the first gym. when this realization hit me, I saved my ultra moon game and put it down and I booted up pokemon sword.

When I got to Motostoke city, I went through the normal gym challenge cut scene to start your gym challenge. Thankfully I had my movie cut scenes options off so I didn't have to watch through it, but after that cutscene was finished, I flew back to wedgeworth station and the slowpoke cutscene started. This confirmed I unlocked the ability to go to Crown Tundra. I caught my slowpoke, and I went to Crown Tundra. I did the normal things, I lost to Peony since I'm working with a level 10 Grookie and he has a level 70 Copperajah, thankfully you don't need to beat him. After loosing my fight, I went to get my prize, Suicune.

It took me two tries to get Suicune all thanks to the AI NPCs that I was running with, but this first failed attempt got me a level 65 Daruladon which proved to be a really good choice later down the line. I got my Suicune after my 2nd attempt and I gave it this move pool Surf, Crunch, Ice Fang, Extrasensory. This move list proved very useful and I kinda wish I had different moves like Dazzling Gleam, but I didn't have access to it so any dark types I ran into, I had to brute force it. Which is what I did in the ENTIRE game. With Suicune in my party, I swept the entire game. it was level 70 and I was able to use it BEFORE THE FIRST BADGE! let me reiterate that, I was able to get a level 70 legendary before the first gym and clean sweep the gym challenge with it. If I wanted to, I could have easily get a team of level 70 legendaries and just beat the whole game with them. but I decided having Suicune and Daruladon was all I needed and it was. The game was easy up until Raihan and the championship (the Elite four variant of Sword/Shield) Suicune had a little trouble here and there but I never lost. I think I've counted 4 times that suicune actually fainted and 2 times that it came close to feinting.

When I got to the fight with Leon my team consisted of Suicune, Daruladon, and Eternatus. I actually had to use a full restore and a revive on suicune because Leon's Seismitoad threw me off and I couldn't figure out why, the reason? its a water'/ground when I thought it was a water/fighting the entire time. oops. but I still beat Leon on my first attempt and my pokemon sword game is complete. Next I need to get Ultra Moon Finished and then I need to move on to other pokemon games so that I can prepare for the Ribbon Master Challenge.

[jeramewrites2]

My butt hurts

I really don't know what this blog is going to be about. Right now it is just a place for me to brain dump and talk about what is going on in my life. Right now.... well my butt hurts. Let me back up.

There is a 5K for charity in September in Fort Worth. I have been wanting to get back into running for a long time. There where reasons that I wasn't able to do it for a while that I don't want to get into. (READ Lazy.) I need a checklist to get things done so if I sign up for something and then pay money I will actually do it.

I signed up for the 5k Run-to-Read on September 14th. I only realize now that is so close. I have been running using Fitness+ on my iPhone. It has been good so far. Nothing to complain about. I will try a run and then customize as I go for what I am trying to accomplish. I think tomorrow the 13th I will attempt to do the full 5k on a treadmill just to see where I am at at this moment in time.

Yesterday after jogging on a treadmill every other day for about 3 weeks I did a lower body workout with weights... So say that I was sweating is an understatement. I was doing squats and lunges. I am 274 lbs right now. I was thinking that since I have been about to jog for 30 and 45 mins I thought that I wasn't in THAT BAD OF SHAPE. GOD damn was I wrong. The structure of the work out was three rounds of 2 poses with weights and not weights. The first was with lunges and squats. The trainer on the video was using 25 lbs weights. Me being no dummy was thinking I should be fine with 10 lbs... I finished it but only just nearly. At any point when I couldn't do the lunges I would just do an arm curl or something. My upper body is stronger but my legs are fucking hurting today.

I am a 41 year old white guy working out in an apartment fitness center. I feel exposed. I did it but I felt very silly doing it. I am glad that no one took a video and put it online. I know I would be mortified. The exercise that makes my butt hurt was hip raises. I have to sit down and get up a lot with my job and so far today my ass is getting a work out again.

I share this hoping that someone will find it funny or possibly as an opportunity for you to feel better about where you are in your fitness journey. I think I needed to be humbled a little and I have been. The distance I still have to go is quite further than I thought. I am encouraged that I did finish the workout though and am undaunted with the hill I have to climb. My expectations are realistic and I can do this.

As always thanks for reading.

[shamelessrabbithole]

So there’s a question I’ve been wanting to ask for a long time and this like on Cam’s latest post has opened the door. How do you feel Lauren truly feels about Cam? I know you don’t know, but if you had to just make your own observation what do you think? Do you think that she’s still very much in love with him and just letting him sow his wild oats until he’s ready to settle down? There has been no indication of her being romantically involved with anyone, not saying she has to be or even post about it, but Cam has been linked with people here and there one of which she unfollowed which made me feel that there was some irritation/ feelings there. She still follows the people involved in his life, and likes pictures associated with him but doesn’t like the ones he posts until yesterday. Im not attacking in any way, but I think is the longest I’ve ever seen one of Cam’s exes stay following him. He does it all the time, but the girls usually unfollow first and then he realizes and unfollows too. I know we’ll never know, but I was just curious about your opinion.

Okay, so with this ask, I'll just issue a small trigger warning because I've found that not all tea lovers want recaps of Cameron's love life as it pertains to women and specifically certain women. So for those not interested, feel free to scroll past. More after the break.

I followed them very closely after their March/April 2022 breakup and then again after the July 2022 rekindling to try and figure out what was going on there. At the time, I thought she was gearing up to move in with him. Or, continue to be bicoastal but live with him during her stays in California. I'd collected a lot of visual clues then, which I won't bore you with now, but in looking back over them, I think the one with the most impact is this:

☝🏻 It's from November 10, 2022. That's after she and Cam went to the Fleur du Mal party in October, and they spent Halloween together in New York, but before she went with him to the Gaming Awards in LA, and before her birthday, and before their Chicago trip together for Christmas.

Her sister was still occupying her LA apartment until around March, 2023 but she did eventually move out. In fact, here Ella is on January 12, 2023 helping her new roommate decorate. The pic was posted with the same date as Lauren's TikTok on the right, filmed in the same apartment. 👇🏻

All this is to say that given the fact that her move to New York was pre-planned going back all the way to November (but likely earlier) I think she was not in love with Cameron because once they refollowed each other in July, their relationship would have moved them closer together not further apart to the point that she'd decisively chosen to move herself clear across the country.

I think she has no ill will toward him, but today, their "friendship" is very close to nonexistent. I make that determination based on the fact that she has visited LA several times since spending a few days with him in Rome last year and he has been to NYC at least once, but they'd made no attempts that we know of to hang out.

I also don't think she's completely single, but whatever she's doing now is far from a traditional relationship like she'd once had with Cameron. I know she'd unfollowed Emily during their Medellin trip and I agree it was probably due to jealousy or even that she was still feeling territorial over him in some way. But, I don't think it extends into a deeper desire than that to be with him again in the future.

[missywritesfor7]

🌺 Promise Flower | PJM 🌺

Synopsis: Jimin is a popular dance student and the best one at his university. Mina is a photography student and has known Jimin since high school. An idea for a photo project finds Mina getting closer to him than she ever has before. She learns how big his heart is, but also learns how closely he guards it. Every time she thinks he'll let her in, he pulls away again. Is it even worth the trouble?

Pairing: college student!Jimin x fem!oc

Warnings: depression, anxiety, panic attacks, alcoholism

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter | Masterlist

|| Ch. 10: Unspoken ||

Monday I spend half the day wondering if I should try texting Jimin again. I know he’ll be on campus so I’m bound to run into him at some point.

It’s still a little weird that he suddenly seems to not want to talk to me, but Tae keeps telling me to just talk to him anyway, that I’m overreacting. I don’t even know what to say. Do I just try talking to him like nothing happened or do I straight up ask him if he hates me?

I decide to have a drink at the cafe after I finish my last class of the day. I can just hangout there a bit and work on editing some of my photos on my laptop. I’m just not quite ready to go home yet.

Right when I walk into the door of the cafe I meet eyes with Jimin standing in line. He smiles at me and I think maybe I’m being silly about him hating me. Maybe.

“Hey,” I say getting in line behind him. “How was your first day back?”

“A little weird,” he says nervously. “I used to have my dance class today but since I’m not in it anymore I only had one class. I still went by to say thanks to everyone for the concert though.”

“Do you…have any plans for the rest of the day?” I don’t know why I’m so nervous about asking. Sure he turned me down yesterday but it shouldn’t make me feel the way I do right now. He’s not going to spend every waking moment with me and I shouldn’t expect that. Especially after I threw up all over him.

“Just physical therapy in a couple of hours.” He pauses searching the floor for more words. “But…I’m not doing anything else today. So…I’m free.”

“Oh, ok. Is Hoseok taking you to your appointment?”

“Yeah, he’ll be out of class by then.”

“Well…I was going to go over some of my pictures while I drink my coffee, do you want to take a look at them?”

“Sure.”

So maybe he doesn’t hate me? Maybe he needed time to process everything. But he still seems a little reserved right now. It’s like we’ve only known each other 7 days and not 7 years.

After ordering and getting our drinks we take a seat at a table and I pull out my laptop to show him the photos I’m working on. As usual he’s a bit embarrassed looking at pictures of himself but he’s still very interested in each one.

I guess I hadn’t been paying much attention, or I had been so distracted the past couple of weeks that I didn’t realize I don’t have many photos at all.

“Did you take any more?” Jimin asks.

“No,” I say trying to laugh it off. “I guess not. Shit.”

“You only have a few pictures from my surgery, but that’s all?”

“I thought I had more…”

“Oh,” he chuckles.

“What?”

“Nothing,” he says shaking his head. “I could ask my physical therapist if it’s ok, and if you want you can come to my next appointment and take pictures.”

“Really? That’d be great!”

He nods and says he’ll let me know if they’ll allow me to come to his next session. I realize I need to at least make an effort to take my camera with me whenever I see him. I had gotten so…distracted…that I stopped taking my camera altogether whenever I saw him.

I feel better now that we were able to sit down and talk. Although we didn’t actually talk about anything that we needed to talk about, but maybe we can address it later?

Hoseok came by to collect Jimin and take him to his appointment. I decided it was a good time for me to go home as well.

As expected, Jin isn’t home so I lounge around a bit and try to attempt some studying. Seems like I’ve done barely any all semester and it’s a miracle I haven’t failed any of my assignments so far. However, my attempt at studying proves to be futile and I find myself falling asleep on the couch.

I’m only awakened by a few text messages that set my phone off. Usually it’s Tae but to my surprise is Jimin telling me he finished his physical therapy for the day and they said it was ok for me to take pictures. I’m excited and I agreed to take him to his next appointment.

We continue texting through the night and I start to think I was definitely overreacting to the way he seemed when I left his place the other day. I apologize to him again for throwing up on him and he tells me, again, that it’s ok. He says his shirt is clean now so no worries.

By Wednesday I’m excited to go with him to his appointment. I’m not sure why though, I’m just there to take pictures for my project that I had been neglecting a bit. I guess it’s just that…I missed him? We hadn’t really spent time together since the weekend so, I don’t know, I guess I missed him a little bit.

Over and over I replay what bits of Friday night I can remember just so I can relive our kiss. Our making out. The feeling of him against me. His soft lips between my teeth. His tongue tangled with mine.

“Aren’t you going to come in?” Jimin’s voice brings me back to reality where I’ve parked my car and he’s waiting for me to get out so he can have his physical therapy session.

“Right,” I say turning the car off in embarrassment. I’m glad my instincts were good enough to get us here in one piece, because I was so lost in my thoughts that I don’t even remember driving.

Jimin’s session is an hour long and involves both stretching and strengthening exercises as well as a bit of a massage and nerve stimulation. Watching him do anything is always breathtaking for some reason, but it’s always so clear how much effort he’s putting in. His determination is written all over his face and his pleads to do “one more set” shows how bad he wants to get back to dancing.

The photos I take are nothing short of amazing, and not because of the way I shot them. His emotions come through so clearly that it really makes my photos look great. He looks so strong and…dominant when he’s focused. I’d be lying if I said it didn’t turn me on a little bit.

At the end of his session I take him back home and he invites me in because he wants to see the pictures I got. Seeing them on my computer is even better than when I was looking at them on the small camera screen. They all look amazing and I can’t stop myself from dishing out compliments at each one, mostly about the way he looks.

After a few minutes I realized he’d gone silent. I was so focused on the pictures that I hadn’t noticed that he was half hiding behind his hands and his eyes are closed from the massive smile on his face.

“What?” I ask noticing his ears turning red.

“Nothing,” he says shyly.

“Are you ashamed of how good you look?”

“No,” he giggles curling into a ball in his seat. “But you’re just saying that.”

“Do you think I would just be saying that after watching you for 7 ye-all these weeks?”

“I guess not,” he laughs. “But, I still feel embarrassed by the compliments when I know I can do better.”

“Shut up,” I say with a chuckle.

Our banter continues as it normally would. He invites me to stay longer and watch the movie we wanted to watch. It gets late and he tells me I need to get some sleep so I’m able to wake up for class in the morning.

He wakes me in the morning to make sure I have time to go home and wash up before class. I take him with me because why not give him a ride if we’re going to the same place.

It’s like Friday night never happened, which is fine because I completely embarrassed myself, but at the same time it’s not fine. It’s not fine because ever since then all I can think about is kissing him again. I want us to talk about it so I can know if he’s interested in doing it again or if he thinks it was just a drunken mistake.

No matter how much time I spend with him and how many physical therapy appointments I’ve driven him to now, I still can’t find the courage to bring the subject up.

It’s now been two weeks since the benefit concert that raised more than enough money to cover Jimin’s tuition. His account has been cleared and yesterday he finally received a check for the remaining amount that was raised. It still amazes me that $4000 was raised when the goal was only $2000. He’s got an extra $2000 in his pocket now and he’s been mulling over what to do with it ever since he got the check.

As I was driving him to his Friday physical therapy session he got a phone call from his mom. It seems he wanted to give his parents the extra money, but his mom wasn’t having any of it. He couldn’t argue with her, but I could tell by the look on his face that he really wanted to.

I don’t want to pry because I know he holds his personal matters a bit close to the chest, especially when it comes to his family, but as I’m sitting on his couch going through my pictures I can tell that he was really bothered during his session. He usually has an intense look of determination on his face, but today he looked emotionless. His mind was elsewhere the entire time and his body seemed like it was just working on autopilot.

“Jimin?” I say softly.

“Yeah?” He says from the other end of the couch, looking up from his phone.

“Is everything ok?”

“Yeah, why?”

“You just seem like something is bothering you. Is everything ok…at home?”

“Yeah.” He looks down at the floor and I can tell he’s not being honest right now.

“You’re not very convincing.”

“It’s nothing,” he sighs. “My mom told me to keep the money for myself and do what I want with it, but I want to give it to them to help out. She won’t let me.”

I know he’s wanted to pay his parents back for everything they’ve sacrificed to support his dancing, but I’ve rarely seen a parent accept money from their child no matter how bad things may be.

“Did she say why she won’t let you?” I ask.

“No, well kind of. She said that things are fine at home and I should just focus on myself and getting better.”

“There’s nothing wrong with that. If everything is good at home then-“

“Everything’s not good at home,” he interrupts. “They don’t know that I know about my medical bills. They told my brother not to tell me anything but he did anyway. I know they were selling stuff off to make money before I got hurt. I know they’re behind on some bills and dodging collectors. I know more than they think, but no matter what they won’t let me help. Why would they choose to keep suffering when I’m trying to help?” He seems distraught burying his head in his hands.

“I’m sure they just don’t want you to worry. They want you to focus on school and your recovery, not the issues they’re having at home.” I know he desperately wants to help them and I wish there was something I could do for him.

“I worry more when they don’t tell me these things and won’t let me help.” He looks up at me with tears welling in his eyes. “I’m so tired of seeing them suffer like this. They’ve been suffering my whole life, I just want them to be happy.” He’s fighting his tears and it’s breaking my heart.

I set my laptop down on the coffee table and shift myself closer to him. I wrap my arm around him in a soft embrace and he buries his head in my chest. He heaves out a few sighs before I start to feel his tears seeping through my shirt.

Most people wouldn’t have to be told twice to spend money on themselves, yet here he is going through a mild crisis because his family won’t let him spend the money to help them. I’ve seen Jimin give so much of himself and never ask for anything in return from anyone. Seeing how much it pains him to not be able to offer help is just a testament to how big his heart is.

“Maybe,” I start to suggest once it seems his tears have stopped flowing. “You can help them in a way that they can’t refuse.”

“What do you mean?” He asks looking up at me with his bottom lip poking out.

I have to pause for a moment because good lord he’s so irresistibly precious when his eyes get big and he pouts like the cutest little puppy kitty.

“Well,” I try to think. “What if you helped them secretly? You could ask your brother if he can help you.”

“But how?”

“Maybe send him to get groceries. If he buys it without them knowing they won’t be able to say no if the food is already in their kitchen, you know?”

“Hmm.”

“If there’s anything they need you can order online and get it sent to them. They won’t even have to know it’s from you. Then if those things are taken care of they’ll be able to focus on the bills.”

After thinking about everything that just came flying out of my mouth, I start to worry that maybe I’m overstepping a bit. He’s usually quiet about his home and family life and maybe this is why. He probably doesn’t want other people prying too deep and knowing too much of the negative things in his life.

His long pause is nerve wracking but I definitely think I may have overstepped.

“Sorry,” I say. “I didn’t mean to get in the mid-“

My sentence is cut short and it took me longer than it should have to figure out why. Jimin’s tear stained lips are pressed into mine searing his warmth into my entire face. Am I hallucinating?

He pulls away and looks at me while biting his bottom lip.

“That’s a really good idea,” he says softly.

I can’t even speak. My eyes are nearly out of their sockets and my jaw is on the floor. He’s not drunk. I’m not drunk. What the fuck was that? And then he’s just going to carry on like that was a totally normal thing to do?

“I-umm-yeah,” I sputter like a faulty engine. “Jimin, I-what…why? I mean…what?”

“Sorry,” he says retreating into his invisible turtle shell.

“No you don’t have to be sorry. At all.” He must not realize how much I enjoy tasting him. “I like-I mean, we did it before, so it’s like…ok. For me at least. If it’s ok for you?” I have not had a single drink today, but what the hell am I saying? Was this the best my brain could come up with?

“Oh? Really?” He says still biting his lip. “You-you’re ok with kissing?”

“Jimin.” I don’t know what else to say to him, but talking isn’t what I want to do anyway. I lean in and capture his lips, this time taking him by surprise. I pull my lips away, but only far enough to still feel the heat from his breath brushing across them.

“Mina,” he whispers against my lips. “Are we making a mistake?”

“Why would you think that? Do you…not want to do this?” I don’t know where his question is coming from but it’s taking a lot for me to ignore the feeling of my heart falling to the floor.

“I’m sorry,” he says averting his gaze but not moving away. “I don’t know how to sort my feelings out, but I’m scared. Of a lot.”

“Like what?”

“Like…what about Taehyung?”

“What about him?” I ask furrowing my brow. What does Taehyung have to do with anything?

“I just thought that maybe…you both are always…it’s just that-“

“Do you think me and Taehyung are together?” I almost want to laugh loudly in his face. What is he even on about?

“Well no, I don’t know.”

“We’re not together, Jimin. Tae and I are only friends and we’ve only ever been friends.”

“Oh, ok.”

“Does that take care of that fear? Because you can tell me all of your fears right now and I’ll sit here with you and work through each one.”

“Thanks,” he inches back a bit. “But my fears aren’t your burden.”

“So you’re just going to deal with them on your own? How is that going?”

He looks taken aback by the snark in my comment, and honestly I didn’t mean to make it sound that way, but I’m only trying to help him. One minute he’s flirting with me and the next he’s pushing me away, the emotional rollercoaster he sends me on is driving me crazy.

I’m even starting to think that I should have never let myself get this deep. I squashed my crush for him long ago and maybe I should have kept it that way. Because now I’ve got real feelings for him and his game of back and forth is making my chest tighten way more than it should.

“Look,” he says backing himself all the way to the back of the couch. “I appreciate you wanting to help, but-“

“But what?” I interrupt, still sounding a bit more irritated than I intend to. “Why won’t you let me help? We’ve known each other all this time, and we’ve spent even more time together lately. And we’ve kissed. Multiple times now. And you still won’t let me in. You still won’t open yourself even just a little bit so I can try to support you. It drives me crazy!”

He continues looking at me without saying anything else and for some reason that makes me even more upset. What kind of game is he trying to play with me? Is he just making excuses or something?

“If you’re not interested in me then just say that. It’s fine, but don’t keep me hanging on just to push me away whenever you feel like it! I’m not a fucking toy, Jimin!”

Before I can lay into him more out of frustration, Hoseok comes in with some takeout entirely unaware of what he just walked into.

“Hey, Mina!” He says shuffling to the kitchen to relieve himself of the food and whatever else he has from one of his many shopping trips. “Do you want some chicken? I was out and picked some up for dinner.”

“No thanks,” I say grabbing my things and standing up. “I was actually just about to leave. I’ll see you later.”

I don’t offer Jimin another glance and walk out without saying anything else. I haven’t even pulled out of my parking spot fully before tears start flowing from my eyes.

Why am I hurting so much right now?

[bleuhisteria]

Deus Ex Machina|| Aizawa x Reader Chapter 10

In the crucible of training, bonds are forged, weaknesses are exposed, and the path to true coordination begins.

__

As breakfast came to an end, Aizawa offered to help clean up the dining table, and Elena and I settled in the living room. I sat on the floor while she took a seat on the couch, carefully brushing my hair as my mom had requested.

While Elena worked on my hair, my thoughts drifted back to my dad's words. He had a point about maintaining the integrity of the sports festival. However, Aizawa and I had to make use of every advantage we had. In the midst of these contemplations, I realized that I had overlooked a crucial detail: look for someone who possessed recordings of the previous sports festivals. And to think, it was none other than my own mother who had the entire collection. How convenient...

"All right! Let's get to training, you two!" my dad's voice rang out, snapping me out of my thoughts just as Elena finished brushing my hair.

I walked over to join my dad, feeling a sense of guilt as I stood next to Aizawa. My head hung low as I muttered my apologies to him, "Sorry for being late... I stayed up for a while last night..." I confessed, my guilt lingering despite my belief that I was doing it for his sake.

"It's fine," I heard him say in his usual monotonous tone, brushing off my concerns. "I enjoyed the food anyway," he added, attempting to lighten the mood.

Lifting up my head, I managed to give him a small smile. We reached the training grounds, and I wondered if it would be another one-on-one spar with Aizawa. I glanced at him, ready to ask the question, but my dad beat me to it.

"Since I left so abruptly yesterday, I wasn't able to train both of you. But I'm sure (N/N) here managed to extract some useful information from you, Aizawa-kun," Dad said, turning to Aizawa, who nodded in response.

He continued, "I mostly train (N/N) in unarmed combat, and the same will go for you. I'd like to see how well you do against me," Dad said with a smile. Then he turned to me and gave me an order, "(N/N), stand to the side and watch."

I nodded, realizing that I should have brought my pen and paper to take notes. Sighing to myself, I prepared to observe the training session and make mental notes instead.

The two of them stood across from each other, ready to begin. My dad broke the ice by asking a question, "How long have you been training, Aizawa?" he inquired, dropping the honorifics.

Aizawa assumed a combat stance, his expression serious. "Since junior high," he responded.

My dad let out a chuckle, his confidence evident. "Then I hope those years of training pay off in this fight," he declared, his words carrying a hint of challenge, aiming to stoke some aggression in Aizawa.

Aizawa remained calm, muttering, "So do I, sir."

"(N/N), tell us when to start," my dad called out to me. I nodded in acknowledgment.

They both maintained their focused stances, awaiting my signal. As my eyes briefly met with Aizawa's, a surge of warmth spread across my cheeks. I quickly shook off the distraction, slapping my cheeks lightly to regain my focus. This was not the time to let my thoughts wander.

Taking a deep breath, I mustered my confidence and announced, "Start!"

As the fight between my dad and Aizawa unfolded, the air crackled with tension. Their movements were lightning-fast, showcasing their exceptional combat skills.

My dad initiated the first offensive move, lunging forward with a powerful straight punch aimed at Aizawa's midsection. Aizawa swiftly sidestepped, evading the attack with graceful footwork. Seizing the opportunity, he countered with a swift low kick, aiming to destabilize my dad's balance. However, my dad anticipated the move, pivoting on his planted foot and redirecting the force of the kick, using it to execute a spinning backfist that narrowly missed Aizawa's jaw.

Aizawa, undeterred, retaliated with a series of lightning-quick strikes. He launched a barrage of punches and kicks, aiming to overwhelm my dad with speed and precision. My dad's years of experience shone through as he expertly parried and blocked the incoming strikes, demonstrating his superior defensive skills.

In a fluid motion, my dad launched a powerful roundhouse kick towards Aizawa's torso. Aizawa responded with a well-timed sidestep, narrowly avoiding the full impact of the strike. Sensing an opening, he countered with a swift elbow strike, aiming for my dad's exposed flank. However, my dad swiftly twisted his body, deflecting the blow with his forearm while simultaneously delivering a powerful knee strike towards Aizawa's midsection.

The fight continued with a mesmerizing exchange of strikes, blocks, and counters. Aizawa utilized his agility and flexibility, smoothly evading my dad's attacks and launching calculated counterattacks. My dad, on the other hand, showcased his impeccable timing and precision, capitalizing on any opening he could find.

Their movements were a blur as they seamlessly transitioned between offensive and defensive maneuvers.

As the fight between my dad and Aizawa intensified, it became apparent that my dad's experience and skill were giving him the upper hand. Aizawa, although putting up a valiant fight, was still relatively young and lacked the same level of expertise.

My dad's calculated strikes and impeccable timing gradually wore down Aizawa's defenses. He expertly dodged and parried Aizawa's attacks, countering with precision and power. Aizawa fought back with determination, utilizing his agility and quick reflexes, but it wasn't enough to overcome my dad's years of training.

Aizawa's movements started to lose their sharpness as fatigue set in. His breathing grew heavier, and his once swift strikes became sluggish. My dad took advantage of the opening, landing a well-placed strike that sent Aizawa stumbling backward.

Despite his efforts, Aizawa struggled to regain his footing, visibly fatigued and overwhelmed. He fought with resilience, refusing to back down, but ultimately, my dad's experience and superior technique proved too much for him to overcome at this stage in his training.

With one final decisive move, my dad landed a powerful blow, knocking Aizawa to the ground. The impact reverberated through the training grounds, signaling the end of the fight. Aizawa lay there, momentarily stunned and defeated.

My dad reached out his hand, offering it to Aizawa as a sign of respect and recognition for his efforts. "You fought well, kid. You just need more experience dealing with real opponents," he remarked.

Aizawa accepted the helping hand, pulling himself up with a mixture of exhaustion and weariness etched on his face. The physical and mental strain of the fight was evident.

Curiosity filled my dad's eyes as he addressed Aizawa, "I assume you don't have much experience in combat against actual people, am I right?"

Aizawa nodded silently, affirming my dad's assumption.

Letting out a sigh, my dad spoke with a tinge of empathy, "It showed in our bout. You need more practice fighting against living opponents. Understanding their thoughts and anticipating their moves is crucial in a battle, and that's not something you can fully grasp by fighting robots and dummies alone." He then turned his attention to me, beckoning me to take the stage. "(N/N), it's your turn!" he called out, temporarily benching Aizawa.

Aizawa seemed to take the advice to heart as we exchanged places. He positioned himself on the sidelines, observing quietly. I walked toward my dad, ready to face the challenge ahead. He looked back at Aizawa and said, "Let us know when to begin," to which Aizawa quietly nodded in response.

As we faced each other, our stances firm and focused, Aizawa's voice resonated through the training grounds, "Start!" his shout signaling the beginning of our fight.

Having a deep understanding of my dad's fighting style, I recognized some of his vulnerabilities, making us somewhat evenly matched. With this knowledge in mind, I initiated the bout by launching the first punch, knowing that I possessed greater speed than him.

The fight between my dad and me was intense and fast-paced. I attacked with a flurry of punches, using my speed advantage. But my dad's reflexes were sharp, and he blocked and countered most of my strikes.

His fighting style blended martial arts and power, making it challenging for me to land hits. I had to rely on evasive maneuvers to dodge his attacks. Sometimes, I managed to land a few strikes on his guard.

We moved swiftly across the training grounds, exchanging blows. My dad's experience gave him the upper hand, as he anticipated my moves and countered effectively. I fought by adapting my strategy to find weaknesses.

As the fight went on, we both grew tired. Sweat dripped down our faces. In the end, my dad's experience and strength won out. He landed a decisive strike, and I stumbled back.

Breathing heavily, I looked at my dad with a mix of exhaustion and respect. He offered a hand to help me up, and I accepted, acknowledging his victory.

__

Later on, as (Y/N) and Aizawa sat on the ground, (Y/N)'s dad took the opportunity to lecture them about their fighting styles and areas that needed improvement.

"Aizawa, I noticed that you hesitate to attack even when there are clear openings. Anticipating your opponent's moves is crucial in combat," he advised, his arms crossed.

Aizawa nodded in acknowledgement. "I understand, sir. It's something I need to work on."

Turning to (Y/N), her dad fixed his gaze on her, his expression stern. "And (N/N), while your ability to identify my weak points and react accordingly is commendable, you rely too heavily on your speed, which drains your stamina. You need to find a balance between speed and strategy," he scolded.

Feeling dejected, (Y/N) nodded in acknowledgment of her father's critique. "Yes, sir. I'll work on that."

Trying to lighten the mood, (Y/N)'s dad laughed and placed a hand on her head, offering words of encouragement. "Don't worry, sweetie. With enough training, you'll reach my level."

Just as they began to regain their focus, Aizawa spoke up, addressing (Y/N)'s dad with a respectful tone. "(Y/N)'s dad, may I ask you something?"

"Call me (F/N). But yes, what do you want to know?" (Y/N)'s dad replied, retracting his hand from her head and adopting a curious expression.

Aizawa hesitated for a moment before asking the question that surprised both (Y/N) and her dad. "Are you a hero by chance?"

Caught off guard, (Y/N)'s dad laughed awkwardly, trying to downplay the inquiry. "What makes you think that?"

"Your combat ability... it's just... never mind... forget I said anything," Aizawa responded, realizing that assuming (Y/N)'s dad was a hero might have been presumptuous.

(Y/N) breathed a sigh of relief, her panic subsiding. She glanced at Aizawa, appreciating his discretion. However, her dad, seizing the moment, proposed something unexpected.

"Now that that's cleared up, why don't we all fight at once? You two against me," he suggested with a mischievous grin, sparking a renewed sense of excitement in the training session.

Aizawa turned to (Y/N), a hint of concern on his face. "Two against one?" he questioned, seeking reassurance.

(Y/N)'s dad nodded in affirmation, elaborating on his idea. "Since you're both planning to work together in the sports festival, it's important to develop your teamwork and compatibility in combat. This will be a valuable opportunity to enhance your coordination and learn how to synchronize your attacks," he explained, capturing (Y/N)'s full attention.

Excitement bubbled up within her, and she eagerly agreed. "R-right! The more we understand each other's movements, the better we can coordinate our strategies and take advantage of openings," she exclaimed, her voice filled with enthusiasm.

"Exactly," (Y/N)'s dad affirmed, pleased with her response. "It's important to understand each other's fighting styles and synchronize your moves effectively. This will be a great opportunity for both of you to improve your teamwork."

Aizawa seemed to consider the idea, his initial hesitation fading. "Alright, let's give it a try," he agreed, displaying a newfound determination.

With everyone on board, (Y/N)'s dad gestured for them to take their positions. "Remember, this isn't just about overpowering me. Focus on coordination, communication, and exploiting openings. Are you ready?"

(Y/N) and Aizawa exchanged a determined look before nodding in unison. "Y-yes, sir!" "Yes, sir!"

"Then let's begin!" (Y/N)'s dad declared, and the intense three-way battle commenced.

As (Y/N) and Aizawa launched their coordinated assault, their movements initially appeared synchronized. They moved with a shared purpose, their attacks blending seamlessly as if they had practiced them countless times before. However, as the battle unfolded, subtle cracks in their coordination began to surface.

There were moments when their timing faltered, causing their attacks to clash instead of harmonize. (Y/N) would throw a punch while Aizawa attempted a sweeping kick, resulting in their limbs colliding and disrupting the flow of their offense. They had not yet developed the instinctive understanding of each other's movements necessary for flawless coordination.

Furthermore, their communication fell short in critical situations. They struggled to convey their intentions effectively, leading to misinterpretations and missteps. (Y/N) would anticipate Aizawa's actions incorrectly, leaving her momentarily vulnerable, while Aizawa would hesitate in his decision-making, unsure of when to follow up on (Y/N)'s attacks.

These lapses in coordination created openings that (Y/N)'s dad astutely capitalized on. He exploited their hesitations and misfires, countering their attacks with swift and calculated maneuvers. Their lack of seamless coordination left them susceptible to his experienced and strategic counterattacks.

With each misstep, frustration and disappointment crept into (Y/N) and Aizawa's expressions. They knew they had the potential to be a formidable team, but their lack of synergy hindered their progress.

Despite their efforts, the battle ended prematurely, leaving them with a sense of unfinished business.

Panting heavily, (Y/N) and Aizawa exchanged glances, both realizing their lack of coordination in the battle.

Noticing their expression, (Y/N)'s dad chimed in, "See that? It's important to know your partner's weakness in order to cover them with your own strengths. Since you two have only known each other for a couple of days, it's safe to assume you don't know anything about each other."

He continued, "The more two people understand each other, the better their coordination becomes. Try to work on understanding each other first before anything else," he advised, a smile on his face as though the fight hadn't worn him down at all.

Still panting, Aizawa placed his hands on his knees and asked, "How exactly do we do that?"

A mischievous grin formed on (Y/N)'s dad's face as he replied, "I'm glad you asked!"

[justaaveragereader]

I’m Not The Only One // WY

You’ve been attached to the hip since the age 10 and got married at the age of 20. Three years into marriage you realize that your husband has his eyes on another woman. You and a close friend of his hatch a plan to get even.

“You say I’m crazy. Cause you don’t think I know what you’ve done.” - Sam Smith

🌹Pair: Wooyoung x Reader, Hints of Yunho

🌹Genre: Angst, Slight Thriller

🌹Word Count: 2.7k

🌹Warnings: Cheating, Emotional Breakdown

🌹Authors Note: This is my first EVER fic, so I’m nervous! I love me some Ateez they are definitely my #1 group (multi stan) but they are for sure my favorite! I’m going to make this a two parter. Both parts will be based off of a song. I HIGHLY recommend listening to Sam Smith - Not The Only One while reading as this fic is what it is based off of. I really really hope you enjoy it! Part 2 is now up💗🌹!

There you stood..tears slowly pouring into the cupcake mix. Curious as to how this even all started between them, yesterday was just extra confirmation. The way he looked at her..he used to look at you like that. So much care and love in his eyes, laughing at every joke she said even when it was not funny. You couldn’t help but feel envious, heartbroken and slightly amused for what was yet to come. You gave Wooyoung the best years of your life. You both had met when you were ten years of age. Thick as thieves, No one was shocked when he kneeled down and proposed at the age of twenty and here you were, three years later..in your big house that constantly felt empty. He said she met her at the gaming lounge with Sannie. “Just gaming friends babe” is what he constantly told you. Naive at first you believed it. You ignored all those red flags. Until Yunho was tired of watching from the sidelines, the constant flirting between the two in front of him constantly made him physically ill. You will forever be grateful to Yunho for making you take your rose colored glasses off and showing you what was truly happening. Woo always shook it off denying anything going on between the two of them, calling you crazy but he couldn’t make it anymore obvious.

Tilting your head back to swallow the tears you had been pouring out the last hour and a half. Forcing a smile on your face. “Hello!” you answered cheerfully like you had not just been crying so hard your chest had hurt. “Baby! I am going to be a bit late! San decided to stop and get flowers for his mom.” You know he was with her. You weren’t dumb.. Once upon a time you were hopelessly in love but not dumb. His voice spewing out lie after lie was driving you up the wall, physically making you ill. You let out a soft chuckle, amused by the lies he constantly loved to tell you. “That's no problem. I am just baking.” you replied while leaning on the kitchen counter, exhaling and rubbing your hand over your forehead. “You are the best gorgeous. I love you.” “I love y-” He had hung up before you could even finish your sentence which you were happy that he had. You couldn’t possibly choke down another fake i love you to him. It was emotionally draining , you tightly gripped your phone, taking a deep breath in. Staring ahead to the living room remembering all of yesterday, the sparks between the two, anyone could feel it. Yesterday was just extra clarification to let you know what you truly needed to do.

“San grab the damn platter!” Woo yelled. While trying to balance board games in his hands. “No one told you to grab twister and Yahtzee! No one likes Yahtzee Woo!”  With a smack of his lips San grabs the meat platter and trails behind Woo. Y/N looked up from the current conversation she was holding with Yunho and her eyes trailed over to Woo who walked in sporting the biggest smile, like always. Yunho looked down at Y/N and his eyes flickered over to Woo. Everyone but Mingi knew what Woo was doing to Y/N but yet no one but Yunho had the nerve to even attempt to save her. Yunhos smiled faded once he realized Woo wasn’t even glancing your way. His eyes trailed over to Mila the girl Woo was now head over heels for. Yunho saw your armor cracking day by day while your armor was cracking his heart was breaking for you. Gritting his teeth, he tapped your shoulder “Should we join everyone on the floor?” He said while flashing his pearly teeth. You drew your attention back to Yunho..”Oh..of course!” You tried to put on a genuine smile but it was so hard you had watched your husband fall for another girl right in front of your own eyes, getting the extra clarification was just the stamp of approval for everything. Plopping on the floor next to Yunho..trying to muster up the best smile you could.

 “And that’s when I said! You can’t swim with sharks Woo!” Mila barked out gripping her stomach laughing. Woo doubling over letting out his squawk of a laugh. While everyone looked at you, letting a pity smile through, San letting out an awkward chuckle. While Yeosang played with the string on his sweatpants, Hwa was layering cheese on his crackers, avoiding eye contact with everyone. Hongjoong looked back and forth between Woo and Mila, slowly his gaze fell upon his slightly chipped painted nails. Jongho nervously flashed his gummy smile..”That's my Hyung thinking he can swim with sharks.” He chuckled nervously. Yunho looked down at you, stone cold dissociating from the current events taking place right in front of you. It’s like Yunho could see the wheels turning in your head. “Y/n Y/n...? Y/N!” You faded back into reality, looking up and smiling at Mingi. “Yea Mingles?”. “I just wanted to see if you were going to be going to the gaming lounge with us tomorrow?” It got deadly quiet...you were positive you could hear everyone's heart beating at how quiet it was. Your eyes flickered to Woos and Milas..they both stared at you so intensely. You flashed your eyes over to Yunho who was staring Woo down, he let out a small chuckle. You put on the biggest fake smile you could.

 “No sorry Mingles. I have loads of chores to do around the house.”  He frowned..”I have an idea! Why don’t we help out! That way you can come!” He smiled so big his eyes shut. You noticed Milas hands had shook like she was nervous hearing Mingi confirming whether or not you would be coming along. “NO!” Woo shouted. Everyone turned their heads, staring at him. Woo slightly coughed, desperately trying not to look suspicious but failing miserably, clearing his throat. “You know how OCD she is about her cleaning! She knows she can always catch up with us another day. Right baby?” He flashed his smile at you. Milas jaw tensed up at hearing him call you baby. Mustering up the best smile you could..you looked him in the eyes, slightly tilting your head to the right “Of course Woo.” Mingi slightly nudged you with this elbow “Please?” He said with such a sad look on his face. His eyes flashed up to Yunho then back down at you. “It's been so long since we’ve all hung out..it's been six months now..you are my friend too.” Yunho let his eyes roam over Woo staring what felt like straight into his soul “Y/n is a friend to everyone here. No one could replace her. If she doesn’t attend I might not even go. Hate to have someone in our friend group not come.” He spoke with a passive aggressive tone. Mingi looked up at Yunho, following where his eyes were occupied. Mustering up a smile, you patted Mingi on the back “I promise next time.” Sticking your pinky out and smiling genuinely at Mingi. He started pouting and held up his pinky to lock with yours. “Next time! You promised, so don’t forget or I will cry.” “He means that too!” Yeosang spoke up, flashing a half smile your way.

 “A promise is a promise..I would never break one.” You silently whispered to Mingi. “Aww that sucks! I was really hoping us girls could be closer!” Mila suddenly spoke up with a fake sad pout on her face. Woo smiled as soon as she spoke, instant reaction. If anyone told you that you would be sitting in the same room as your husband's not so secret, very obvious mistress, you would’ve told them that they obviously don’t know your husband well enough..but as those thoughts clouded your brain you realized you didn’t even know your own husband well enough.

  You slightly tilted your head to the side smiling at her “Anyone need something out of the kitchen? I’m a little thirsty.” Y/N said while getting up and dusting off their pants. Everyone quietly refused. Yunho watched you walk away with your head held high and even though he knew you were cracked on the inside, not broken, you would never let anyone notice. As soon as you were out of earshot. Yeosangs hand swiftly came up, thumping Woo in the back of the head. Wincing slightly Woo rubbed his head shooting daggers at Yeosang. Yunho's face shriveled up, shooting daggers at Woo, while Hongjoong rubbed his hands over his face. Jongho looking down and picking at his nails, Hwa stuffing a cracker in his mouth while looking between Woo and Yeosang, San looking anywhere but his members. Mingi looked at his group of friends folding his legs up to his chest, feeling the shift in the air, making himself feel small. He could feel that something was going to change within their group dynamic..but he couldn’t exactly place his finger on what it was. He knew something was brewing, now he was just waiting for everything to boil over.

The pre heated oven beeping had brung you out of your thoughts. Blinking rapidly..you let a small smile creep on your face while wiping your tears. Only if Woo knew that you knew not only did Yunho and Mingi not attend the gaming lounge after yesterday's events, none of the boys did. You knew he was with her, the long nights of him coming home, you could smell her on him. Did he really think you were that blind...naive at times? Yes, stupid? Not in the slightest. You let out a small laugh which turned into you hysterically laughing, laughing so hard tears were pouring out of your eyes..you don’t know if they are tears of laughter or tears of pure heartbreak and realization. You let your hands run over your hair. Looking into the glass on the oven door...looking at your current state..eyeliner running down your cheeks, mascara smudged, your wicked smile painted on your face, truly looking like a scorned lover, insane. While continuing to look in the reflection. You decide you are in the mood for a much needed drink you waltz to your liquor cabinet. Sipping straight from the tequila bottle. Slowly the liquor was doing wonders on your body and giving you liquid courage. You push yourself off your kitchen counter...eyeing your and Woos wine glasses, the ones you sipped from on your wedding night, the ones you vowed over, promised over. A blind rage mixing with the liquor pumping in your veins. You grab your wine glass and pour Tequila in it. “For better or for worse! Sickness and health! For rich or for poor! You yell while raising the glass in the air, pouring the liquor from your glass in your mouth, suddenly you throw your wine glass at the wall screaming, letting out the pent up anger in your body surface. You shove all glasses from the cabinet, hearing them crash at your feet, sounding like the most beautiful music. Smiling wickedly, you open more cabinets as you throw all your wedding glass dishware that you saved from that special day on the kitchen floor. Letting out screams of frustrations, screams of being heartbroken, screams of defeat because you dedicated so many years to him.

 Opening every cabinet, you can in the kitchen and throwing the glass on the floor. Tears are pouring down your face, while you laugh menacingly. The glass crashing, while letting out heart wrenching sobs, You saved his wine glass for last..reaching up to grab it. Looking at an object with so much hate and disgust, you drop it hearing the glass shatter sends shivers up your spine. It's all sounding like the most beautiful symphony you have ever heard. The sweet symphony is cut short when you hear your phone ring. Pulling your head out of the current events you answer without even noticing who was calling. “Hello?” you answer, trying to catch your breath. “Baby! I will be home in about 30 minutes. While I was coming back from picking up dinner I got a flat. Don’t worry though, it's fixed! Also I picked up dinner!” He says with a slight laugh in his tone. Woo goes on talking in that loving voice which you have grown to realize that you hate. Your eyes flash to the clock on the oven realizing that almost two hours have passed by. You smile “Oh how generous of you Woo.” you say while rolling your eyes. First it was San who was getting flowers. Now it’s coming back from picking up dinner? “Well love, I will see you in 30 minutes.” you quickly hang up. Looking at the glass on the floor...you wickedly smile again. Waltzing over to grab the broom you start cleaning with the biggest smile plastered on your face. This was it you thought, your armor has finally cracked, your mental state is now in shambles, you’ve officially lost your mind you think while a smile continues to break across your face. You spin the broom around like it is a person while silently laughing. Catching another glimpse of yourself in the oven door. You realize you have to clean up your face, quickly you rush off to the bathroom and fix your makeup, reapply your perfume, while taking a long swig from the tequila bottle, and brush your teeth to get rid of the liquor smell that was heavy on your breath. Just as you were making your way to the kitchen while adjusting your shirt.

You hear Woo pull into the driveway. Putting up the tequila and grabbing your mixing bowl and whisk which you had neglected for hours. You make your way to the front door, flicking on your front porch light to greet Woo. Opening the door slowly with a huge smile on his face “Hello baby!” He greets you with open arms, bags of take out in one hand and his bag in the other. You forcefully smile “Welcome home my love.” you place down the mixing bowl full of cupcake batter, slowly lifting your arms to put around his neck. While leaning in you notice the slight foundation smudge on his collar, rolling your eyes you hug him back. “I’ve had the longest day!” Woo says while placing his bag down and carrying the takeout to the kitchen. Hearing his voice get smaller and smaller as he walks away. You walk up to the front door, looking across the street, locking eyes with Yunho who is sitting in his car. You give him a thumbs up. He throws his head back on his headrest and lets out a chuckle, eyes dragging back over to you slowly. 

The eye contact between the two of you darkens and you both let a wicked smile grow on each other's faces, smiles so big it resembles the Cheshire cat. “Honey, are you coming?” Wooyoung says while walking towards you, he puts his hands on your waist. You throw him a simple and breathless yes, while smiling and staring at where Yunho was parked. Wooyoung looks down and notices your big bright smile. 'What's got you smiling so big baby?’ he questions while internally you want to vomit. “I’m just happy is all.” You say while letting out a soft sigh, dropping the smile you were giving Yunho and settling for a more subtle smile. “Come on, let's go eat.” He says with a small tug to your waist retreating to the kitchen again. You step back in the house, before flicking off your porch light. Yunho starts his car, before he drives off he throws a wink your way. Flicking off the porch light..you can still make out his eyes in the darkness that are staring straight at you. He starts to pull off, while he’s driving off down the street you hear his menacing laugh in your ears echoing down the dark street, resembling the laugh you were letting out earlier in your kitchen. You step back in your house silently humming to yourself while walking to the kitchen with a wicked grin on your face.

“You say I'm crazy

'Cause you don't think I know what you've done

But when you call me baby

I know I'm not the only one.”

I love the thriller vibe of Yunho😭💗! I swear I can see him playing a villain/bad guy in a drama! So what are we thinking, what are our thoughts? Who do you think in Ateez would be the perfect villain/bad guy in a drama?

Thank you so much for reading🫶! Part 2 is now up and posted!

👇 👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇

I’m Not The Only One // YH Part 2

DO NOT REPOST OR MODIFY.

[r-is-typing]

at first sight | s.r

summary: in which spencer reid revisits the two times he had a 'love at first sight' moment. pairing: spencer reid x fem!reader category: angst, fluff if you squint content warnings: major character death word count: 818

"I remember the day I met her like it was yesterday, but in fact, it was 3,652 days, 5 hours, 20 minutes, and...."

The man glanced at his watch. "17 seconds ago. She walked into the BAU 10 years ago, and from the moment I saw her, I knew." The crowd let out audible awh's at the way he talked about her.

Spencer took a deep breath before continuing to speak. "I remember vividly, thanks to my eidetic memory, what Y/N wore that day. She wore this white collared button-up, with a light blue sweater over it, black jeans, and these black converse. God, did she love her converse." Spencer chuckled, thinking back to how many pairs of converse were placed neatly into the couple's closet.

"Morgan was the first one she conversed with. He, of course, started with a pathetic attempt of flirting with her, but she just shrugged it off. Imagine my shock when she came over to my desk, complimenting my own converse, along with saying she had read a few of my dissertations and was, what she called 'a fan of sorts'." The man wiped a tear from his eye.

"From the moment we stepped onto the jet for her first case, when she looked at me, actually wanting to hear my dumb facts, I.. I don't think I ever shut up since then. I mean, a pretty girl wanting to hear what I had to say? That was a one in a billion chance." The group of people watching him let out a collective laugh.

"From the moment she smiled at me, shaking my hand, and telling me her name, I knew. I knew she would be the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with."

He paused, staring down at the crumpled, tear-stained paper in his hand.

"Although, what I didn't realize, was that we wouldn't get to spend the rest of our lives together. She lost her life too early, and as much as it pains me, I'm just glad that she got to spend the rest of her life being loved, cherished, and adored by me. I don't think there was a waking moment I didn't love her."

Spencer's hazel eyes wandered over to the casket that lay still on his left. Then, they wandered to the giant picture of the girl he loved. "I know if Y/N was here, she'd hold my hand, run her fingers through my hair, and tell me that she was right here, and everything was going to be okay."

"But, how can that be true if she's gone?"

Spencer looked through his teary eyes at the sea of people wearing black clothing. "How is everything going to be okay if the girl I love is gone?"

He looked down at his speech again, getting back on track.

"A month before she passed, we promised each other that every night before bed, we'd tell our daughter how lucky her mother and father were to fall in love the way we did. As most of you know, I never did believe in love at first sight.."

Spencer looked to the small girl in Penelope's arms who looked at her dad with a smile.

"But, there were two times I did just that. I first felt love at first sight when I met Y/N all those years ago when she stepped foot into the BAU. The next day was when we had you," he knelt down in front of the girl, holding his arms out. "Adelaide Y/N Reid, your mom and I's pride and joy, our angel."

Little Adelaide Reid cuddled into her father's arms and the man scooped her up. "I remember the day you were born, mommy and I looked at each other, then at you, and we were in love. You were perfect. Everything we had always wanted."

Adelaide looked at her dad, trying to comprehend the words he was saying.

"What I'm trying to tell you, Adelaide, is that you shouldn't be like daddy, okay? Believe in love at first sight. It is very real. You and your mommy will always be my first loves. My dreams come true."

The man let tears stream down his face as he carried Adelaide to the casket. "We love and miss you, sweetheart. It's certainly not the same without you, but we're doing alright. We're living for you, darling."

He looked between his daughter and the picture of his wife that stood up on a stand next to the casket. Spencer looked down at the open casket, smiling as he saw the tattoo that laid perfectly across her left forearm.

Spencer lifted his suit sleeve on his right forearm to see the same ink sprawled across his arm, the memory of his wife, their life, and that day savored all in just three words.

At first sight.

r is typing... welcome to my first oneshot here on tumblr! i hope you all enjoy it. don't forget to like, comment, etc! i'd love to hear your feedback on what you think, and how i can better my writing.

i'm not going to lie, i shed a few tears writing this. i'm super proud of this.

r is signing off...

[lgg5989]

MavDad: Hard Conversations

A/N: Here's the next installment of MavDad! Thank you to everyone for reading and your support. As always please leave ideas for future chapters in the comments! 💜

Sorry that this wasn't posted yesterday! I just wasn't happy with it :/ please enjoy!

MavDad Masterlist

Also on Ao3!

---

As Mav laid in bed, thinking about the conversation he and Bradley had yet to have, he found himself nervous. Based on their reunion on the flight deck, he felt that he still had a chance to be in Bradley’s life. Okay, the kid had called him dad for the first time in fifteen years, it was probably better than just a chance, however, his brain couldn’t stop with the what ifs.

What if too much time had passed? What if Bradley had changed his mind? What if they couldn’t go back to how things were before he messed up? What if Bradley found out the real reason Mav pulled his papers? What if…what if…what if?

Not letting his mind spiral any further, Mav rolled over to look at the clock, 6:12AM. He figured that it wasn’t an unreasonable time to get up, so he rolled out of bed and pulled on some clothes. He brewed a pot of coffee before opening his trailer door. He stepped out into the hanger, his eye catching on the P51, he really needed to finish the maintenance he had started on it before he left for the mission. It had been a few weeks of her just sitting, and with a plane that old, you couldn’t let her sit for too long without a flight.

He set his coffee on the workbench, preparing to work on the P51, his eye catching on the wrench that he had been using before. He picked it up and finished removing the spark plugs, checking the gap size on all of them to find the one that needed to be replaced. After he found the bad one, he set it aside and replaced the rest of the plugs in the engine.

He kept extra plugs in his storage area upstairs, but before he could make his way there, his attention was drawn to the mail that he had picked up from the post office the day before. It had almost been a month since he had opened anything, he probably had some important bills to pay in there and maybe a letter from Charlie.

He picked up his now empty cup from the workbench and headed inside the trailer, pouring himself a fresh cup of coffee. Now, he was ready to look over the mail. As he picked up the fairly large stack from the table, the second letter in the stack caught his eye.

He hadn’t received a letter from Bradley in almost twenty years, but he would never forget that handwriting. He dropped the rest of the pile back on the table, quickly tearing into the worn and crumpled envelope.

As his eyes read the date, he realized that it had been sent almost two months ago. His heart sank, he wondered when he received it. Hopefully Bradley wouldn’t think that he had ignored an attempt to reach out. Trying to banish the thought from his mind, he started on the letter.

Mav,

I’ve written this letter 10 times now and I still don’t know how to start it…Hello? What do you say to the man who you have been ignoring for 14 years?

Mav sighed, hello seemed like a good enough start. He wondered why Bradley hadn’t sent any of the other letters.

It feels like you have finally given up on me, and maybe you have a reason to. I haven’t been the best company, I haven’t been company at all really. I didn’t realize how much I relied on your calls until I didn’t have them anymore. I miss them, and, honestly, I miss you too.

He had stopped calling after their interaction at the cemetery. Bradley didn’t seem to want the apology that Mav had been offering and he was tired of trying to reestablish their relationship by himself. Bradley was right, he had been shit company for the last, now, fifteen years. Mav’s heart broke at the small, I miss you too. He wished that they could have talked before the mission but he didn’t want to waste another minute without his boy in his life.

Why did you hold my application to the Naval Academy? What did I do to make you go behind my back? Why didn’t you trust me to make my own decisions? At 18 I wasn’t a grown man, but I knew what I had to do in life. I knew what I wanted to do in life. Why did you try to take it from me?

This is what Mav had been worried about. He knew that for them to make up Bradley would need to know the truth behind why Mav had done what he did. He wasn’t sure he could give Carole up without Bradley resenting her too. She wasn’t here to defend herself, so he had to defend her, right? He sighed to himself, this whole mess started with his promise to Carole.

Flying is the only place I have ever felt close to dad, and you knew that. You know that feeling better than anyone else. How could you expect me to give that up when you do it every day? What makes my case any different from yours?

Shame burned bright in Mav’s chest. He knew how Bradley felt about flying better than anyone else and he had still taken a great opportunity from him. While Mav knew that Bradley would likely forgive him, he wondered how long it would take before he trusted him again.

You said I ‘wasn’t ready’ but what does that mean? I have doubted my flying for years, thinking I’m not ready but I don’t even know what I’m not ready for.

I know that I haven’t been easy on you. Every opportunity you have given me to start the conversation I let pass me by, just like so many other opportunities in life. I can’t find the courage to initiate anything myself. Hell, I still don’t have the courage considering how many times I have written this letter and not sent it.

Mav’s heart sank further into his stomach. He wondered if Bradley’s nickname Rooster had more to do with his timing than it did anything else. Mav thought back on their flight training and the mission, Bradley had hesitated during both, but towards the end of the mission he had done well, reengaging and hitting the target without a lock. At the time it was what he said to try and discourage him from joining the Navy, but now he realized just how long the words had stuck with Bradley and how they affected his confidence.

I’m stuck in Afghanistan, but I’m sure you already knew that. Whenever the Navy decides to send me state-side again, I want us to talk. I want our little family back. I know we are missing a few pieces, but I don’t want to think of what would happen if I wait any longer. If something happens to one of us before we can put this behind us, I’m not sure I would be able to forgive myself and it wouldn’t be fair to you. This has gone on too long, by my own choice, but I am done letting my anger keep me from having a relationship with you.

Bradley

Mav couldn’t wait any longer. It was time to have this conversation with Bradley, even if he had to drive back to North Island to have it. He pulled the dust cover off the Ninja and jumped on, leaving the hanger, its heavy doors not quite closed all the way as he sped off towards the road, the letter tucked into his jacket pocket.

As he got into town he realized that the bike needed gas, his ride home yesterday depleted the tank quite a bit. As he was putting his card and pin into the machine, he missed the familiar blue Bronco rolling through town.

—

Bradley knew that this conversation was coming, he just thought it would happen sooner. Once they were back on the ship, they had to be debriefed from their mission, explaining how not one, but two multi-million dollar aircraft were destroyed. When that was over, all him and Mav had wanted to do was get the smell of burning jet off themselves. The adrenaline of the day had faded from Bradley’s body, leaving him tired and aching, he fell asleep before he could even think of finding Mav so they could talk.

But now, he found himself nervous. The Navy had granted them all a few weeks leave after the mission. He was standing outside Mav’s hanger, a duffle bag sitting in the Bronco behind him. The hangar wasn’t unfamiliar to Brad, it was the same one he learned to fly out of. He remembered driving there to see Charlie, the first time he flew as the pilot, and the late nights spent there working on her planes. Brad was familiar with the hangar, but he wasn’t sure how to have this conversation.

Before he had a chance to change his mind, Bradley forced himself to walk through the small gap in the hanger doors, leaving the Bronco parked outside. The place had changed a lot since he had last been there. Mav had an Airstream parked in the back corner, the coffee table and chairs from their house sitting just outside the door. He was surprised to find Charlie’s P51 sitting in front of a row of motorcycles, the one from the day at the cemetery sitting on the end.

As he wandered further into the hanger, he realized that Mav must not be there. The Ninja was gone, and what he assumed to be its dust cover was laying on the floor. Bradley made his way to the work bench, stopping to take a long look at all the photos Mav had hanging on the wall behind it.

His heart warmed, seeing the pictures that Mav had hanging up of Bradley’s own parents. He wasn’t surprised when he came upon a few pictures of Mav and Ice, the two of them always looking so serious, a huge contrast from the pictures of Mav and Goose, they always looked like they were messing around.

Bradley stopped when he came across a section of pictures of just himself - the picture of him, Ice, and Mav at his high school graduation, a grainy picture of him and Mav from that day in second grade when he dressed up as a fighter pilot, his baseball photos through the years. The one that surprised him the most was his service photo, Mav must have pulled a few strings to get a copy of it. As Bradley moved away from the workbench and towards the coffee table, he came across a pile of mail, a ripped open envelope sitting next to a still hot cup of coffee.

Taking a seat at the table, Bradley realized that he must have just missed Mav. Honesty he is a little surprised that they didn’t see each other in town. Grabbing his cellphone, he dialed the familiar number, hearing a few rings go out before Mav’s voice came over the line.

“Bradley?” Mav’s voice said into the phone.

“Hey Mav,” he said quietly, “What are you up to?”

Brad heard silence before Mav let out a sigh, saying, “Well, honestly I was on my way back to Fightertown, to see you.”

The idea was so absurd that Bradley laughed, earning a confused, “What?” from Mav.

“We must have just missed each other,” he said, “I am currently sitting in your empty hanger, you should really lock this place up.”

Now he heard Mav laugh, “Well alright then, I'll be back in thirty minutes, I just got out of town.”

“Sounds good, see you soon,” Brad said before hanging up.

He sat for a few minutes, just taking things in. He got bored rather quickly and reached forward towards the envelope. Why would Mav leave a hastily ripped open envelope on the table? Why not throw it in the trash sitting a few feet away? As he turned the envelope over he felt his heart stutter in his chest. It was the letter that he had sent almost two months ago.

Opening the envelope to peer inside, he found the letter missing. Suddenly their situation made sense. Mav must not have gotten the letter before he left. Brad was guessing, by the state of the coffee, that as soon as he had opened it Mav had jumped on his bike, heading to Fightertown.

—

As Mav pulled back up to the hanger, he saw Goose’s Bronco sitting out front. The truck looked good for how long it had been running. It was a classic and Mav considered that Bradley should borrow one of his motorcycles so they could preserve the blue beauty for a while longer.

He nosed the Ninja into the hanger, spotting Bradley sitting at the table. He got up when Mav pulled in. He pulled the Ninja in line with the other bikes before cutting the engine and climbing off, throwing the dust cover back over her.

The air was a little awkward before Bradley spoke, “I see you still take better care of her than the rest of them,” Bradley said, humor in his voice.

Mav laughed, “She gets some special treatment.”

Mav pulled out Bradley’s letter, “I read the letter you sent.”

He watched Bradley nod, “I didn’t mean to send that one either, but apparently fate had other ideas. I thought that you had ignored it, that you had given up on me.”

Mav shook his head, as he immediately said, “Bradley, its been fifteen years and I regret what I did from the moment I did it. I haven’t given up on you because you are my kid. You might not be my blood, but I helped raise you and I could never give up on you.”

It was quiet for a few moments before Bradley asked, “Why did you do it? When I first found out what happened I knew it had to be you and Ice, but I didn’t know why. You always encouraged my love of flying. If you had concerns about me ‘being ready’,” he said, using air quote fingers, “they why didn't you just talk to me?”

Mav knew that this part of the conversation would be the hardest, “Let’s sit down for this,” he said, making his way back to his chair, the coffee in his cup still warm.

He looked up at Bradley, sitting on the chair across from him, and sighed, “You weren’t ready.”

Bradley gave him a confused look, “How else was I supposed to become ready?”

Mav looked up at the ceiling, contemplating what to say next, “You needed more time, I was worried that if you joined when you did, you would be too much like me,” Mav said quietly.

He watched as Bradley’s face had emotions flashing across every feature, from confusion to anger, before he could say anything Mav continued speaking, “I tried for a few months to steer you away from the Navy path, but you didn’t want to hear about anything else, so I had to get Ice involved. He tried to persuade me from following through with it, and looking back on it I wish I had listened to him. We lost so much time, kid, and it's my fault,” with that, he hung his head in his hands, not daring to look at Bradley as he worked through everything he had just laid on him.

***

Bradley was confused, why was being like Mav a bad thing?

“What do you mean that I would be like you?” he asked Mav, “You’re the best pilot I know and you only cemented that after this mission. Why is that bad?”

Mav waited a moment before answering, “When I started flying I was dangerous. Ice was the only one who ever said it to my face but he was right. If I hadn’t let it get to my head at Top Gun that your dad and I needed those points, maybe he would still be alive. You needed more time so that you wouldn’t start out like me, trying to fly against a ghost. I had to protect you from yourself, you weren’t ready.”

Bradley felt the confusion fall off his face as he began to understand the picture Mav had painted for him, “Mav, you had to let me make my own mistakes,” he said quietly.

“Bradley, killing your father is the single biggest regret of my life besides pulling your Navy application,” he said, sounding angry, Bradley assumed it was with himself.

“Mav you didn’t kill him, it was an accident,” Bradley said, he knew that Mav still carried the guilt from the accident, but his mom had always told him that it wasn’t Mav’s fault, he couldn’t have controlled what had happened.

“But if I hadn’t been trying to prove myself, if I hadn’t been the hotshot pilot I wanted to be, maybe he would still be here. Maybe you wouldn’t have had to grow up without him,” Mav said sadly.

Bradley stayed quiet, he didn’t know what to say to that, he had missed his dad while he was growing up, but Mav was his dad as much as Goose was his father.

“Do you think I am still not ready?” he asked quietly, his voice burdened with the weight of his insecurity.

“At the beginning of this mission, I didn’t think you were ready to forget the book, and I was right, but after this mission, I think you have learned what I meant by that,” Mav said, looking at him intensely, “I’m sorry for ever making you think that you weren’t ready to fly, because you are a great pilot Bradley.”

Brad felt a weight he had been carrying fall off his shoulders, Mav saying that he was a great pilot was the best praise he had ever been given.

“You know Warlock told me about the stunt that you pulled on him at Top Gun,” Mav said with a sly smile on his face, “I don’t think I have ever been prouder of you, well until now.”

He gave Mav a smile, “Don’t think, just do,” he said quietly, “I always flew my best when I could hear you in my head saying that.”

“You’re doing great Bradley, I just hope that you will let me be there now to see it,” Mav said sadly.

“I never stopped wishing that you were there with me Mav. We might have to work on rebuilding trust, but you’re my dad, I need you,” he said, tears in his eyes.

Mav stood up, moving around the table to pull Bradley into a hug, “I promise I won’t mess this up again, I don’t think I could live through it.”

Brad tucked his chin into Mav’s shoulder, a few tears escaping his eyes, “I’m sorry for waiting so long to reach out to you, I should have done it sooner.”

“It’s okay, you’re here now, that’s all that matters,” Mav said quietly, it made Bradley think of the events of the last few days.

Mav let him go, “I have something for you,” he said quietly, making his way over to the stairs.

Bradley heard the sound of boxes being moved around before Mav came back down, a wood chest in his hands. As he got closer to Bradley he set it down, opening it for him to look inside.

Inside was his mother’s quilt, looking the same as he remembered it from all those years ago. He looked up at Mav waiting on an explanation, “When I sold the house, I packed everything up. I didn’t even think of giving anything away so all of your stuff is upstairs. I didn’t want anything to happen to this because I know how special it is to you and I know you wouldn’t have left it behind if it wasn’t for Navy regulations.”

Bradley didn’t know what to say, he figured that he would never see the blanket again when he left. He pulled Mav into another hug, “Thanks dad. I’ll use it tonight, save you the trouble of getting something else out.”

Mav let out a laugh, “What?” Mav asked surprised, pulling back from the hug a little to look at Bradley.

“I kind of planned on staying here for the next two weeks,” he said sheepishly, a small smile on his face.

Mav laughed, “I’d be happy to have you kid, we might need to run to the store and get you an air mattress though, I’m not used to having guests.”

Bradley looked at him before deadpanning, “Well that is going to have to change, maybe I should just get my own trailer?”

The two of them laughed like old times. Bradley was surprised at how easily they could settle into the same comfortable silences as they had in the past, like none of the last fifteen years had existed. He helped Mav replace the spark plug in the plane before they made a run to the store. Mav picked up an air mattress and enough food to feed an army, Bradley warning him that his ‘growing boy’ appetite had persisted into adulthood.

That night, as Bradley settled into his bed, he thought that the conversation he had dreaded for so long went fairly well. While he might not agree with why Mav had pulled his papers, he could see that the man had Bradley’s best interests at heart, misguided as they were. The burdens he carried were gone, and he felt lighter than he had in fifteen years. He took comfort knowing that while things wouldn’t always be easy, and parts of their relationship had to be rebuilt, Bradley knew that Mav had always been there for him, and that wasn’t going to change any time soon.

[boo-tycall]

So.....This is Love?(2)

Summary: (Y/n) had realized early on that the abuse he had endured through childhood had done more damage than just physical. His inability to properly express his emotions. Lacking proper social skills. On top of that, unable to maintain his friends. And for about three years in the Demon Slayer Corp, that's what he had known. And he assumed that's all he'd ever have.

Through it all though, one fire burned consistently. A leader who did nothing but care for him. And although his childhood had caused such damage, he knew that with Master Kyojuro's help....he’d begin his healing.

Genre: Romance || Angst || Action

Pairing: Kyojuro Rengoku x Male! Reader

Rating: Rated M

A/N: Be warned there will be spoilers from the anime.

TRIGGER WARNING: Mentions of physical abuse, depression, self harm, attempted s*icide. Please read with caution.

'Inhale'

'Exhale'

'Inhale'

(Y/n) opened his eyes, before placing his hand on the ground.

'Exhale'

He thought, allowing his senses to focus instantly.

In a single moment, he could see it. Through every root, every weed, and every blade of grass for miles without end he could see as clear as day.  

"4 Demons, two miles east. I suggest we move." His teacher uttered plainly.

(Y/n) rolled his eyes, knowing his teacher would do that. He was always like that.

"Show-off." (Y/n) muttered under his breath, but he knew full well that his teacher could hear him. (Y/n) did not want to stick around too long. Just get the job done and leave.

This is all they did for the past 3 years. After passing the Selection exam, everything became even more rigorous. Combining missions and training becomes a daily thing for a tsuguko.

But becoming Giyuu's tsuguko was never in (Y/n)'s plan. No, it was all his.

Master Kyojuro, that is.

Soon after his time in the Butterfly Mansion, light on what exactly Rengoku had in mind for him slowly came about. Starting with the arrival of the Water Hashira.

"So....You're (Y/ln) (Y/n)? You're smaller than i had first assumed."

He could remember those words like they were flatly delivered yesterday. But no, it had been years since then. But everytime Master Giyuu would say something, that moment would always come back to (Y/n).

"If you're to surpass me, you'll need to be a little faster than that." Giyuu announced as they jumped between the branches and trees.

(Y/n) grit his teeth, speeding up to catch up. Master must still be upset with what he had told him earlier.

"Master, i am sorry but i cannot continue under your tutorage. I wish to continue as a Demon Slayer, but i would like to have time to hone my skills independently." (Y/n) explained, kneeling in front of Giyuu.

"Is that so?" He asked, turning with a flail of his Haori, a stoic expression across his face. As usual.

"Tell me, (Y/n), do you think I've taught you everything?" Giyuu asked sternly, narrowing his eyes.

"Uh..."

"No. I haven't. Because you are not ready. You can barely withstand up to the 9th form. There is so much you have yet to do and you want to waste it?" He explained, restraining any feeling of frustration. Instead, he released a warm breathe as he relaxed.

(Y/n) kept his head down as he listened.

Master was right.

Giyuu sighed, "If i fall in battle tomorrow, i need you to be ready. Humanity needs you to be ready, and you won't be if you slack off. Even for a year, a month or a single day. Hell, not even an hour can be wasted." Giyuu stated flatly, turning away.

"Have i made myself clear?" He concluded sternly.

"Yes Sir." (Y/n) replied softly before standing, hiding the shake in his fists behind him.

If ever he is to take his place one day, he needed to be ready. He needed to at least know all 10 forms. Not that he didn't study and train everyday like crazy but....with the style of training Giyuu has put him through, much of it reminded him of someone else who used to drive him into the dirt.

Someone he thought he would never have to encounter again. But (Y/n) knew, deep in his hardened heart, that even Master Giyuu could never hold a candle to his cruelty.

As his mind drifted, (Y/n) found himself pausing at the sensation of something moving below them. Giving Giyuu the chance to move forward without realizing his student's disappearance.

(Y/n) looked down, and sure enough, a small child was under his tree. Crying.

But something didn't feel right. Something about the way she was shaking the tree as she shook from her sobs. It made him feel uneasy. (Y/n) couldn't only sense it but also smell it.

That was no child.

With a soft tap, (Y/n) stepped down into the dirt, causing the child to look up at him, her mouth covered in blood. But (Y/n) only gave her a cold gaze.

'Close your heart' (Y/n) thought.

"P-Please don't h-hurt me!" The child cried, causing (Y/n) to sigh. But from the way this child looked and smelled, even it had devoured a human or two.

"Then don't struggle and I'll make this quick." (Y/n) replied coldly before placing his hand on his swords hilt.

Just as a Demon does, the child changed instantly. Their sad, helpless expression twisting into a snarl.

But (Y/n) wasn't having any of it. Just as the child went to stand, (Y/n) simply released a breath.

"Water Breathing: First Form" (Y/n) muttered softly as he stepped out, and as the child lunged, (Y/n) drew his sword and slashed once, severing the child's head.

"Water Surface Slash"

(Y/n) whipped his blade, clearing it of the blood before sheathing it. It was over in only a few seconds.

'One down' (Y/n) thought before sensing another presence. From above.

"Fuck" He muttered as he glanced up into the trees, a stern looking Giyuu gazing down.

"Alright, Alright I'm coming" (Y/n) groaned, jumping up into the tree next to Giyuu. Giyuu gave him a nasty, passive aggressive side eye but said nothing before going on ahead.

'That was a demon and yet he's pissed. Can't keep the man happy for anything.' (Y/n) thought bitterly as he followed behind him in silence.

It would be at least another 20 minutes before they arrived to the edge of a large field, blades of grass flowing loosely from the nights gusts of wind. It was vast and severely exposed, with the only shelter being the large blades of grass, the moon being their only light.

And yet even in this tranquility, (Y/n) could smell the demons. But he couldn't see anything. This made (Y/n) smirk as he looked over at his master, opening his mouth to say something.

"No" Giyuu sternly stated, knowing full well what (Y/n) would say. He wanted to use his new technique.

"What?! But...M-Master this is exactly what my technique is used for!" (Y/n) exclaimed, his frustration clear in his voice.

But Giyuu only stepped out into the field without another word, leaving (Y/n) fuming.

Time and time again, Giyuu effectively would break (Y/n)'s self esteem. What little that he had at least. But at the same time, Giyuu knew from experience, that pain, suffering, hatred, that can drive a Demon Slayer from being simply a student to a Hashira.

But then again..... A fellow Hashira had offered him some advice when he first received (Y/n).

'Be gentle, he has suffered enough. The boy has had enough pain in him to last his whole lifetime. I do not mean be easy. But be....a teacher, not his worse enemy.'

"Why not focus on your basic skills? I have yet to see you use the tenth form in combat." Giyuu stated plainly. (Y/n) felt a small bead of sweat begin to form on his brow.

Ah...yes....the Tenth Form.

"N-Now?"

"No, tomorrow." Giyuu replied. Even though (Y/n) knew he was being sarcastic, he still couldn't help but narrow his eyes in confusion at the male.

"Yes, of course now. Why would I suggest it if i wanted you to do it some other time?" Giyuu asked, looking over his shoulder with a raised brow, completely unamused. (Y/n) could feel a vein pop out on his forehead as he drew his blade.

But he didn't say anything as he stepped out into the field, anger and frustration burning in his eyes. Any lower ranked Demon Slayer would find his actions reckless as he strode into the depths of the field.

But (Y/n) wasn't a mizunoto, kanoe, or anything of the sort.

He doesn't even need to try hard to feel the ground in front of him shift as two demons, like wild encroaching weeds, sprouted from the ground. Drool seeped from their teeth, their stench of death could have given them away even to a junior, well....above ground that is.

Four pairs of claws came straight for him, but (Y/n) only clenched his jaw tight.

"Water Breathing, 8th form:"

'Humanity needs you to be ready....'

Those words echoed in (Y/n)'s head as he released a breath, before he dodged both demons. The two blinked in confusion, losing sight of him. They both growled and looked at each other.

"Don't waste time, (Y/n). What are you doing?" Giyuu called out from the side, his arms crossed over his chest as he watched critically.

A soft tap was heard behind the two demons, alerting them of (Y/n)'s presence.

'Calm yourself' (Y/n) thought. He couldn't complete his technique if he was riled up. He needed to relax.

The two demons did not hesitate, turning and lunging at (Y/n). The male turned his blade toward them, but as his focus remained on them, he just misses the two hands coming from the earth gripping his ankles into the ground.

(Y/n)'s eyes widened in shock, glancing down for a moment to see the hands.

He grit his teeth again, unable to contain his frustration. He inhaled before releasing a hot breathe.

"Water Breathing: 9th form - Splashing Water Flow"

Without another thought, he dragged his blade with all the force he could. He easily sliced the two demons, catching them both by the neck as he continued to swing. The blade moved like a raging tide with ease, but (Y/n) did not halt. He raised his blade once more and stabbed it into the earth between his legs.

A scream was heard as a female demon's face emerged from the dirt, her claws releasing (Y/n)'s ankles. (Y/n)'s blade only missing her face by a few inches.

"You brat!" The female cried out, her voice sounding similar to that of claws dragging on a chalk board. (Y/n) wasted no time as he jumped away, putting some distance between himself and the demon. She seemed different from the other two.

"Ew. You're uglier than i thought." (Y/n) commented flatly, making the female demon growl in anger before she lunged. But (Y/n) did not give her a chance as he sighed, "Water Breathing: 10th Form"

Again, in a flash the male was gone. But the female demon wasn't quite as inept as the other two. She dug into the ground, hiding once more. Clearly, the earth was her domain.

But, all demons are the same. Predictable. Only out to serve themselves. And even underground, no Demon was safe from him.

Taking a large leap, (Y/n) found himself at least 25 feet in the air. 'This should be enough' (Y/n) thought as he changed his bodies position, bringing his sword up and over his head.

"Constant Flux!!" (Y/n) cried out as he fell, slamming his blade into the earth, splitting the field in half perfectly.

Giyuu stood unfazed, even as dirt and once healthy grass was uprooted and thrown everywhere.

As the dust cleared, (Y/n) stood panting. He had created a large gap, in it was the female demon, her body crushed to mush. Still, (Y/n) knew just as well as Giyuu, that she was not dead. At least not yet.

Her body began to move, convulsing as she attempted to regenerate. But (Y/n) walked over to her.

"Y-You'll regret this! Grrrr, you disgusting brat! So many young lives i could have eaten, so many I'll be missing out on! Because of you shitty little-"

"You're the disgusting beast here." (Y/n) replied coldly as he cast his gaze on the demon, startling it. But a new shadow seemed to loom over his eyes - Anger.

"So shut the hell up and die already." (Y/n) calmly stated before bringing his blade down once more, stabbing it between the demons eyes.

She screamed as her head disintegrated into dust, finally ending her.

(Y/n) could feel his chest tightening, making it difficult to catch his breathe. That last move took a lot out of him, yet he still couldn't execute it properly.

"I don't think you need me to tell you what you could have done better." Giyuu commented, having moved instantly from the sidelines to (Y/n)'s side. His crow was obediently perched on his shoulder.

The boy pulled his sword out from the ground where the demon's body was and silently sheathed it.

The fatigue washed over him ten-fold as he released a soft sigh, causing him to stumble back a bit. Giyuu raised an arm, catching the male.

(Y/n) stood up quickly, wiping his brow with his sleeve before fixing his uniform awkwardly. "Ah Yes, I know. M-My apologies Master Tomioka." (Y/n) quickly spout.

Giyuu sighed before turning around, "Come on, let's go." He replied simply, walking in the direction they came. (Y/n) stood still for a moment, unsure of how to feel.

Well....at least he was still standing. If he can stand...

'If you can stand, you can walk!'

An angry voice boomed in the back of his head, making him move from his spot, keeping close to Master Giyuu.

Before he gets too close, Giyuu whispers something to the crow before releasing it.

"A new mission?" (Y/n) asked, moving to walk directly next to his master. Even if it did ache. But all he needed to do was regulate his breathing and relax his muscles and he'd recover.

"No. We need to pay someone a visit." Giyuu replied simply.

"Another Master?" (Y/n) continued, but Giyuu gave him a glance that simply said 'enough'. Something (Y/n) had learned to pick up on over the years. Master Giyuu had always been mysterious, which helped reenforce (Y/n)'s own silent and stern exterior, even if it still was a work in progress.

They quietly continued their trek, an undisclosed location being their end goal.

It wouldn't be until the next day that they would arrive to their destination around night fall. (Y/n) had to admit, he was more than a bit fatigued.

Still, he did not show it. It was not his place to show weakness. Especially not on a mission and especially not in front of his Master.

As they walked through the quiet Village, (Y/n) could not help but look around. It was very nice, whoever they were visiting must be of wealth or high status. It wasn't uncommon for Demon Slayers to be rented by the wealthy to look after their estate should they see it necessary. Still....it would be out of place to hire a Hashira and Tsuguko together. Especially in a place where he sensed no demons.

Giyuu stopped at an entrance, the wooden doors shut, but Giyuu simply knocked three times and waited.

"Who....are we here to see?" (Y/n) asked, looking all over the gate for some sort of family inscription. But there was none.

Before Giyuu could answer, the wooden gate slowly opened, revealing a small boy with bright gold and red eyes, his hair blonde with fiery red tips. (Y/n) could feel his breathe catch in his throat as his eyes widened slightly. Still, he did not say anything.

Where....has he seen this boy?

"Good Evening Senjuro, is your brother home?" Giyuu asked softly, far more gently than (Y/n) had ever heard him speak.

The boy gave him a small smile, shaking his head. "No, but he will be soon. I've received news from his crow already. Come inside Master Tomioka and...." The boy finally spared his gaze to (Y/n) who bowed politely.

"(Y/ln) (Y/n). Pleased to make your acquaintance young Senjuro." (Y/n) politely replied, earning a brighter grin from the boy.

"I am so happy to finally meet you. I'm sure my brother will be just, if not, more elated to see you." The boy replied, opening the gate further to allow the two males in.

'His brother?' (Y/n) thought. As he walked in and looked around, he immediately was taken aback by the beautiful garden, fire Lillie's everywhere, and a lovely mansion home. Who...on earth....

'I-It....can't be.'

(Y/n) felt a cold sweat begin to run down his face as pieces started to fall into place. The fact that Master Giyuu hadn't told him where they were going, This boy's familiar appearance....

"M-Master Tomioka?" (Y/n) spoke as calmly as he could but still could not contain a stutter as he gently poked Giyuu's shoulder.

"Yes?" He replied.

"This....This wouldn't happen to be Master Rengoku's estate, is it?" (Y/n) asked. Although his voice remained still, the panic was clear in his eyes.

"Yes, it is." Senjuro chirped from behind him, making (Y/n) jump. But the boy only giggled, "My apologies! I did not mean to frighten you!"

(Y/n) shook his head, giving the boy a small, yet embarrassed smile. "N-No, No, do not apologize. Heh...I-I'm a nervous person by nature."

Senjuro walked ahead of them, still smiling apologetically as he lead them into what looked to be a tea room.

"My brother lives here, but he rarely stays home ever since he's become a Hashira." Senjuro explained.

"I-I see.....It must be hard for you to have your brother be away so often." (Y/n) replied softly, earning a shocked gaze from the boy. It melted away quickly as he chuckled sadly.

"Yes. It is. But i know that my brother is doing what he loves and he is protecting people. So long as he is happy, i am too." The boy replied as he pulled back a door.

"Please excuse me, i will return with tea and dinner." Senjuro bowed politely before sliding the door shut, leaving (Y/n) with Giyuu in silence.

"You....are so mean." The words simply fell out without a second thought, but (Y/n) knew it wasn't that big of a deal. Because the conversation was always worth the oxygen when it meant he'd get small but sharp shots to the males own self-esteem.

"I am not." Giyuu replied, crossing his arms as he sat on a pillow near the table.

"You didn't warn me that we were coming to see him? I haven't seen him since.....since back then. Why is it that he has called for us to come now?" (Y/n) explained, his brows knitting tightly together from the stress.

"I'm not sure. He has asked me before to let you come visit, but i just haven't felt like bringing you." Giyuu replied flatly.

"WHAT!?" (Y/n) barked, shocked at this sudden confession.

Giyuu raised a brow in confusion. "Do not yell, it's improper." Giyuu warned, making (Y/n) put both hands over his face, covering the expression of pure rage.

Instead, as if a dry towel to white board, his hands drug down his face as he wiped as much of that expression away as he could.

There was no use arguing with him, he'd just give vague answers. Besides, as his student, he must assume he had some reason. So instead, (Y/n) balled his fists as he finally plopped down on the pillow next to Giyuu.

As he did, Senjuro tapped gently on the door to announce himself before stepping in carrying a tray with cups, a pot of freshly brewed tea, and some pieces of mochi and rice buns.

"I hope hibiscus tea isn't too bad?" Senjuro asked, earning a smile from (Y/n). This boy really, REALLY looked a lot like his brother. It was so shocking to see the exact same face only with the personality and volume turned down a couple notches.

"I've never had it before, Thank you very much." (Y/n) replied. Senjuro placed porcelain cups down and quietly poured the glasses of tea before sliding them to the two males.

Once again, Senjuro slid past the door, running to attend to a few other things.

The silence was suffocating, (Y/n) mentally noted as he reached out and grabbed a pink mochi. He took a whiff of it before biting into it. Inside was sakura cream with sweet potato paste.

"Woah...." (Y/n) audibly commented, blinking in shock from the amount of sweet within the treat. He reached out for his tea, gently blowing on it before sipping. The semi-sweet and bitter taste of the hibiscus definitely helped tone down the sweetness just subtly.

"Can i try?" Giyuu asked no one in particular. (Y/n) was the only one in the room so, he answered.

"Of course Master. Try this one." (Y/n) replied, grabbing another mochi the same colour as his.

Giyuu took it in his hand before doing as (Y/n), taking a whiff before biting into it. Immediately his face scrunched up, making (Y/n) furrow his brows at him in confusion.

"No way you don't like it." (Y/n) commented, making Giyuu hand him the mochi.

"It's....far sweeter than i had imagined." Giyuu replied. But (Y/n) only narrowed his eyes in disapproval at the male before eating his own mochi bun.

"Poor Senjuro must have put so much work into making these..." (Y/n) muttered between chewing before taking a sip of his tea once more.

"He is very talented at cooking, so it's only natural that he work hard at it!" A familiar voice boomed from behind the door, causing (Y/n) to spit out his tea in shock.

As if to add insult to injury, it actually managed to reach the wall splattering red liquid onto the beautiful paper.

The door flew open revealing a beaming Rengoku. (Y/n) quickly wiped his face with his sleeve before bowing, head to the ground and hands politely folded in front of him.

"You don't need to yell Rengoku, we are within ear shot." Giyuu replied simply as he reached out to grab his own tea, sipping it without a second thought.

"My apologies for startli-"

Rengoku began to speak but his gaze fell on (Y/n) who quietly remained in his position. "Uh....You do not need to do that, my friend." Rengoku explained, stepping into the room and kneeling in front of the male.

But, he was quick to notice the boys shaking and shivering.

"Are you alright?" Rengoku asked with concern, placing a hand on the boys head. The male finally looked up, tears filling his eyes.

Rengoku's eyes widened, shock clear in those gold and red orbs.

"M-Master Rengoku...i-it's....it's good...." The boy could hardly form words, his emotions too overwhelming to contain.

Elation, despair, amazement, admiration, and frustration all blending together at once and even those words were not enough to describe his feelings. Combined with his exhaustion and the frustration he had been feeling, it all became too much at the sight of his friend. Rengoku didn't hesitate to bring the boy into his embrace, smiling kindly.

"It is good to see you as well, (Y/n)." Rengoku replied, chuckling as he spared a glance at Giyuu. Even the master was moved, his expression more sad than usual. Glancing away as Rengoku cast his gaze on him.

(Y/n) hid his face in the males shoulder, biting back more sobs but Rengoku's embrace only tightened. "I am most pleased to see you doing so well. You have become much stronger since i last saw you. I could not be prouder!" Rengoku boomed, causing (Y/n)'s eyes to widen in his own shock.

'Of what? You're not even strong enough to hold the tenth form for long. You're crying like a helpless baby in front of a powerful Hashira. He should be ashamed.'

A voice boomed angrily in the back of (Y/n)'s head, threatening to cause more tears. The boy finally brought his arms up, gripping tightly on Rengoku's uniform.

'but he is'

Another, softer, warmer voice called from his head, making him finally crack a smile. Rengoku gently pulled the boy away, that warm gaze and gentle smile all directed towards him. It was enough to make his heart skip, if he could say that.

"And i am happy to welcome you to my home. I have wanted to bring you for some time. Though, i can understand that you and Master Tomioka have been diligently dedicated to your training. As i have been myself." Rengoku used his thumb, as he had done a few years ago, and carefully pushed (Y/n)'s tears out from under his eyes.

"Cease your tears, you should feel happy and safe here. I did not invite you to cause you more despair." Rengoku chirped happily which infectiously caused (Y/n)'s small smile to grow, his sobs now ceasing.

"Well....i hope that worked up your appetite."

Giyuu finally commented sarcastically, earning a laugh from (Y/n). Master Giyuu hadn't ever seen him so emotional, so his reaction being so nonchalant didn't surprise (Y/n) at all.

It was his own way of showing that he too was affected by the change in mood. But Rengoku's cheer was like fire to kindling, lighting the room once again with his smile.

"I am certainly starving! And my brother has made us my favorite, so please, stay for dinner?" He pointedly asked, gazing down at the male. But (Y/n) did not reply, instead he turned his own gaze to his Master.

"I believe you have invited us for more than just dinner, yes?" Giyuu replied simply, taking a light sip of his tea.

"Ah yes! I have business to discuss with you both, but first....let us settle down. I'm sure you are both tired from your journey here." Rengoku replied cheerfully as he pat (Y/n)'s head, ruffling his hair thoroughly.

"We are, Master Rengoku. We appreciate your hospitality, truly." (Y/n) finally croaked. Rengoku chuckled softly as he scooted to the other side of the table.

"My home is always welcome to you (Y/n). You are my friend after all."

At that moment, a gentle knock was made at the sliding door before revealing Senjuro, a tray with steaming bowls of food in his hands.

"Ah....I-I hope i am not interrupting-"

"You aren't Senjuro, you're right on time." Rengoku replied, his brother nodding as he stepped into the room and began to place the food on the table.

"i see...you didn't eat the sweets. Too much sakura cream or perhaps the mochi was not quite soft enough?" Senjuro asked with a smile.

(Y/n) momentarily gasped before snatching one mochi and shoving it in his mouth before grabbing another, looking over at Giyuu with a gleam that intimidated even him. As if saying, 'Eat it or die.'

The male grabbed a mochi as well, quietly eating it. Holding back any sign that he was disgusted by the sweetness.

(Y/n) finally beamed, "They are delicious Senjuro, thank you very much."

Senjuro blushed in embarrassment, "Y-You do not need to force yourself...You still have dinner after all."

Now it was (Y/n)'s time to feel embarrassed. "ah..." He chuckled softly as he looked at the dinner.

Rengoku chuckled lowly, adoring the way the boy had developed. Full of personality and life even after all he had been through. It truly filled his heart with pride.

"G-Good idea. Dessert for after." (Y/n) replied cheerfully, his mood now much brighter than before.

He had even made Senjuro laugh.

Giyuu silently placed his mochi, now having been bitten once, back on the tray with a sigh of relief.

"Good, well then i hope everyone enjoys. I will be dining with my father, if you will excuse me." Senjuro explained, giving a polite bow, but not before having his brother ruffle up his hair playfully.

"Enjoy your dinner Senjuro, we shall catch up later." Rengoku replied cheerfully, making his brother grin as well.

"Okay!" He exclaimed happily before leaving.

It seemed like everything he did, every glance he'd spare and every smile he'd give was infectious with joy and happiness. It was admirable, (Y/n) noted.

'I wish I was like that...'

He thought silently, but the smile on his face showed clearly how he felt. In all the excitement, hardly anyone had noticed the now dripping tea from the wall to the floor.

[lilithbasically]

“Say My Name”

Kirishima x Reader

W.C.: 5.1K

*Minors DNI*

This is for @katsupeach ‘s FOB lyric collab! I had “anything you say can and will be held against you, so only say my name” from Just One Yesterday and I had a lot of fun writing this. Emme is an amazing writer and a total fucking sweetheart, definitely go check out her work! Thank you for letting me join, bby 🖤💋

Warnings: pretty heavy on the angst for a good bit, fluff, mutual pining/longing, dubcon (alcohol involved), possibly cheating (? really depends on how you personally view the situation), daddy kink, oral (f receiving), fingering, soft dom Kiri vibes, size kink, use of “Little One, baby girl, baby”, cockwarming

You’re not as excited as you should be even though it’s been 10 years since you’ve seen most of your classmates. Keeping up with them mainly through social media, a sprinkle of coffee dates every couple years, attending weddings, only keeping in near constant contact with one or two people. You know why you can’t fully embrace the joy of reuniting with old friends; he’s here. You know he’s here because you can see that big red truck he’s always loved so much parked just a few spaces away.

Finally stepping from the comfort of your car with the bottle of tequila you were assigned to bring, you walk towards the door of the rec center. Small buds of anticipation sprout from your heart while the thought of him makes melancholia billow in your chest as thick as the summer air that’s heavy with water vapor; Suffocating any attempt at a full, deep breath to steady yourself. Opening the door, you’re immediately greeted with many familiar, slightly aged, faces. Music from your middle and high school years playing at a level low enough to accommodate conversations playing catch-up.

“Hey! Y/N’s here!” Looking to your left you see Mina, waving and walking toward you. Typical Mina fashion, she just inadvertently put all eyes on you. You don’t have to turn your head to see that pair of bright red eyes on you, you can feel them burning through your skin. You can see his bright red hair from the corner of your eye but you can’t bring yourself to turn your head. Pulling your big girl panties on, you smile and lift your hand in the most typically awkward wave you could manage.

“Hey, Mina! Good to see you. Mind telling me where the white claws are? I brought tequila but figure I should wait a bit for that,” you chuckle.

“Got ya covered, babes. Here you go. Theo couldn’t make it?”

You shake your head, “Oh uh, no. He has to work this weekend, so he’s back at the house.”

“Well, more party time for us!” You smile, letting her lead you to the group of women that were once your go to friend group.

“Oh my god, has she seen the picture wall? You have to, it’s full of you and Kirishima. No one realized you dated as long as you did until we saw all of the pictures in one spot,” Uraraka giggles.

‘Fuck,’ you think, as you’re dragged along by your former best friends, ‘a picture wall? Probably the last thing I need to see…’

Sure enough, there is a wall covered in pictures from your class’ school days and you and Kirishima happen to be in most of them. The first one that draws your attention is one from when you were in eighth grade; a sneaky snap of time that you could never forget, picture or none. Him leaned up against the wall of lockers, you gazing up at him in admiration.

You put the last class of the day’s book into your locker and sighed with relief. It was your birthday and you were just ready to get on with the festivities. You closed your locker door and slightly jumped, seeing Kirishima leaned up against the locker next to yours. You’d had a crush on him since he transferred here a year ago, had a few interactions but nothing major.

“Hey, Y/N, wanna go out with me?”

Your breath hitched at his unexpected proposal, sure that he was joking but when you chanced a look into his crimson eyes, you saw nothing but sincerity.

“Um, yeah. I’d love that.”

“Great, I’ll text you later,” he said, pushing off the lockers, “Oh and happy birthday, Y/N.”

You mentally cringe at how that memory plays out. You were in middle school at the time but your cheeks still warm in secondhand embarrassment for your younger self. Your eyes move to the next picture, a selfie of you and him in the apartment his family lived in. Your brain pulls the memory to the forefront of your mind like it happened just yesterday.

You leaned back against his chest, his arms secure around your waist. He wanted to spend his birthday watching horror movies with you and you were more than happy to oblige. Turning over to your stomach, laying between his legs, your head on his chest, he looks down at you. He reached a hand up, he hooked a finger under your chin and pulled your face to his, “You are so fucking beautiful, Y/N,” he said as he planted a sweet, loving kiss on your lips.

You bring your fingers to your lips in remembrance, fully aware of the fact he kissed you like no other had your entire life. Not only then but every time. He always did kiss you as often as he could; When there was time to lay a peck on your lips, he was sure to be there ready to give.

His booming laugh steals you from your reverie. If there hadn’t been idle conversations or music playing, you’re sure it would echo throughout the entire rec center. You still can’t bring yourself to look directly at him but you see him in your peripheral, standing exactly where he was when you first arrived, amongst his still best friend Katsuki and the others that made up his old friend group. No doubt reliving the shenanigans they pulled over the years. Still, your attention is pulled back to the wall when you see the picture of you on the beach.

“Kiri please come dance with meeeeee…,” you whined.

“You know I’m a horrible dancer, Y/N.”

“So what? Almost everyone is, it doesn’t matter. Tonight is our last night on this island and I wanna make it count,” you huffed.

Your pouting never failed to persuade him into giving in to your antics. Reluctantly, Kirishima finally joined you on the dance floor, awkwardly moving with each other at first then abandoning all hope at actual dancing and instead jumping and having fun in time with the music.

Your eyes sting with the unshed tears brimming your lashes. You don’t understand why you’re suddenly so overcome with these longing, overwhelming emotions. You’ve thought of him plenty of times through the years and never had this reaction. Is it only because he’s a few steps away?

“Oh my goooooooddddd, look at this one! I swear you were the best couple ever, ugh. I was so jealous of y’all,” Hagakure muses.

Oh you definitely remember that one. Junior prom when he rented a limo that escorted you to and from the event center. It was one of those cheesy photos; posed, primed, easily recreatable. The picture directly next to it was different though; one taken by a patron of the prom. You and Kiri on the dance floor, his left arm cradling your waist, hand resting on your lower back. Right hand securely grasping yours, both smiling as wide as your faces allowed, gazing into each other’s eyes; That picture was the definition of adoration. Sipping your drink, you let yourself slip into your bank of memories again.

“You having fun, baby?” Kiri asked, as he ran his hands over the soft silk of your dress.

“Of course I am, Kiri. You’ve made tonight so fucking perfect I don’t know how I’ll ever do the same for you.”

“Don’t worry about that. I just want you to have fun, love,” he whispered, his breath ghosted across your cheek as he lowered his head to speak only to you. He pulled away and pressed a gentle kiss against your hair before he muttered, “You know how much I love you, right?”

“Yeah, Kiri, I know. Never opposed to hearing you say it though,” you teased.

Kirishima sighed wistfully before he continued, “Doesn’t matter what happens in the future, you’ll always be my girl, baby. Anytime you want me, just say my name, and I’m yours.”

You ran your hands up his chest to cup his face, “Kiri, I’ll never want anyone but you, you don’t have to worry.”

“I know, baby girl. Just want you to know.”

Your saliva feels thick as it gathers under your tongue. Eyes stinging, pulse thrumming against your veins, breath struggling to complete its journey to your lungs, you barely make your way down the hall to the bathrooms. Your chest aches with unbridled longing, imploring you to go to him; To tell him all the things you should have years ago.

__________

He can feel you.

As ridiculous as it sounds, he can. You weren’t the first or last to arrive but he knows it’s you about to walk through that door. The nerves under his skin feel alight and buzz. Your presence sings to him as it always has, slinging his mind and body into a frenzy and suddenly his brain remembers every tender moment with you. They play like a slideshow through his head, beckoning him to you. Just to feel you near him again, even if you don’t touch. Just to know you were close enough to would be good enough for him, but he can’t move his feet. Use of his legs, like his breath, is stolen away the moment his eyes land on you. You are still so beautiful, the telling signs of aging seemed to only amplify that fact; the small wrinkles creasing the corner of your eyes when you smile, the subtle laugh lines that show the world how much you’ve enjoyed your life.

Kirishima tries to stay distracted and keep his eyes off you but as time ticks on, his gaze is continuously drawn to you, now watching you look over the picture wall. You lasted much longer than he had but, you have always been stubborn so he wasn’t surprised.

Watching you re-emerge from the bathroom, he clutches his beer bottle in his hand, and wills his limbs to move just as Katsuki throws his arm out in warning, “Don’t, dude.”

“What the fu- why?” Kirishima asks, slightly annoyed by his best friend’s resistance.

“You know why. Get a fuckin grip before you talk to her,” Katsuki tries to reason. “How would Trin feel knowing you were spending time with your highschool sweetheart while barely keeping your shit together?”

“It’s not like that anymore, Katsuki. We’re both married…,” Kirishima grumbles.

“Yeah and you’re both still head over fuckin’ heels for each other. She won’t look at you to save her life and you can’t keep your eyes off her. Everyone can see and feel the tension, maybe just wait until everything settles and we’re all chillin’, yeah?”

“Yeah…okay. I’ll wait,” Kirishima reluctantly relents. “We haven’t talked in years, I don’t understand what’s happening, Kats. I mean…you know we talked again right after we graduated but it didn’t go anywhere and we haven’t talked since then. I don’t understand what’s going on right now.”

“Ei, look, I can’t explain whatever feelings there are between the two of you, but I know you watch over her parent’s neighborhood even though it’s out of your patrol. I know you talk to her parents and make the effort to keep up with her life because you tell me about it every single time there’s something new. You’ve always loved her and maybe you still do, and maybe she still loves you but, you both chose different paths. You need to figure this shit out soon. Like, before you approach her. Otherwise, I don’t think tonight will end well for either of you.”

__________

Your body buzzes, well into the tipsy zone and you’re feeling pretty damn good. Your previous nerves are adequately numbed by the tequila shots everyone was partaking in. You swivel to fill your glass for another shot but turn face first into a wall. Well, not a wall exactly. Looking up, you’re met with a soft smile and gentle crimson eyes. Your voice comes out as a mere whisper when you sigh his name, “Kirishima…”

Mimicking your tone, he whispers his greetings, his heart beating wildly in his chest, his mind struggling to understand the dynamic between the two of you. You were stunned to say the least. Kirishima had always been huge compared to, well, everyone else but now? Now he was absolutely massive. An absolute hulking beast of a man with shoulders so wide you’re sure he had to go through doorways at an angle. His biceps are easily the size of your thighs, the muscles in his arms and chest straining against the black dress shirt as he crosses them. His eyes still remind you of sparkling rubies, his smile, though softer now, is still as beautiful as ever.

“Oh my god, um, hey, hi!” You say, snapping out of your state of shock, “Finally made your way over to me, huh?” You tease, sending him your best smirk, “Want a shot?”

“I’ve never been one to say no to a free shot. Fill ‘er up, Y/N.”

You gulp down your drink and take a deep breath, preparing yourself to give your thanks, “Uhh, sorry if this is weird or whatever but, my dad told me you stop by to check on them and I just wanna say that I appreciate that. Really. I hate not being here to make sure everyone is okay so it makes me feel better knowing someone I trust is doing it.”

Kiri smiles down at you, “Your family is good people, Y/N. I’m happy to do it.” You nod in acknowledgement, filling both cups for another shot. The air between you feels too thick, a level of unease filtering through unspoken confessions. Subtly catching Bakugo’s eye, Kirishima silently mouths ‘bro help please’ sending his best pleading expression. Bakugo just rolls his eyes, grabs his drink and joins you.

“Oi, brat, let’s go over to the bonfire. How ya doin?”

“Oh shit, hey, Katsuki! Uhh yeah I’m doing good just living life but you already know that since we talk almost every day,” you giggle, grab the bottle, and fall into step with the blonde.

Kirishima’s brows furrow at the new information, curious as to why his best friend kept this from him. Bakugo ignores the suspicious stare from Kirishima and explains lowly just loud enough only for Kirishima, “S’not a big deal, Shitty Hair. She’s just more tolerable than everyone else.”

“How’s Theo, Y/N?” Kirishima blurts out. Immediately regretting his question when your face scrunches and your shoulders tighten.

“He’s good…had to work this weekend so…” you trail off.

Not missing the brush off of the topic, Bakugo decides to further test the waters and asks, “How’s Trin, Kirishima?”

Glowering at his friend, Kirishima rolls his eyes, “She’s doing fine. Didn’t want to come,” he shrugs.

For a reason you cannot pin down, you bristle at his answer. Why wouldn’t she want to come? Who the hell wouldn’t want to be around Kirishima? I mean sure, it’s a high school reunion but still, it’s been fun and Kiri is always amazing. Not to mention how fucking hot he is.

“That’s too bad. We’d all love to meet her some day,” you mutter, trying to stay polite and not breach any invisible lines.

“Yeah, same for Theo, Y/N. I’ve heard he’s a good man,” Bakugo says, putting slight emphasis on the last bit.

“I mean everyone has their days ya know?” Giving an awkward chuckle you turn away to get another shot.

Kirishima didn’t like what that implied at all. I mean, sure, everyone has bad days but the thought that you were treated anything less than the queen you are was unacceptable in his eyes no matter the situation. His irritation bubbles and broils at the thought of Theo being in the position he should be in and not taking full advantage of it to smother you in love and affection. Does he not understand how lucky he is to have you? Not someone like you; you. Kirishima’s heart felt fit to burst, his lips threatening to release every single love and lust filled thought that had been ricocheting through his brain all evening.

“Another shot, guys?” You ask, smiling sweetly at the duo.

“I’m good, Y/N, thanks. Gonna make some rounds real quick though since I’ll probably go soon.” Kirishima sets his cup down and smiles at you before walking around the fire pit.

_____

You grab your bag from your car and spin around when you hear someone approach.

“Please tell me you’re not planning on driving. I saw how much you drank and I may be off duty but there’s no way I can let you drive,” Kirishima says, a glimmer of playfulness in his eyes.

“Oh, god no, Kiri. I’m about to get an Uber, I just needed to grab my bag.”

“Don’t waste your money, Y/N. I’ve got to go into town to get to my hotel anyway, I’ll just give you a ride to yours on the way.”

“Um…are you sure? I don’t want to be a bother.”

“Not a bother at all, pinky promise,” that beautiful contagious grin lights up his face, “C’mon. Here, give me your bag and I’ll put it in the back,” leading you to the passenger side, Kirishima opens the door for you before offering his hand to help you up.

“Still as manly as ever I see,” you tease.

“Only for a lady that deserves it.”

“Damn, Kiri. Still smooth as fuck too, okay. I see you.”

Kirishima shakes his head and chuckles, walking to the driver’s side to climb behind the wheel and plug his phone in. Music fills the cab of his truck, most of which you recognize but you don’t draw attention to until you hear Just One Yesterday by Fall Out Boy.

“Still listen to Fall Out Boy, huh?” You ask, a teasing tone weaving through your words.

“Ahh, yeah…they’re a good band, leave me alone,” Kirishima insists, chuckling.

“Hey, I’m not judging. This probably isn’t too surprising but my music tastes haven’t changed much either,” you look over and smile at him, the both of you fall into a thankfully comfortable silence, simply listening to the song.

Anything you say can and will be held against you

So only say my name…

You sucked in a breath at the same time Kirishima tightens his grip on the steering wheel; the lyrics not lost on either of you.

“Oh, uhh, guess I should’ve asked what hotel you’re staying in…”

“Right, um, I’m staying at the Holiday Inn off the highway.”

“Just my fuckin luck…” Kirishima mutters. You furrow your brow and look at him, confused, raising an eyebrow for him to explain, “I’m staying there too.”

“Ah, okay. Wait, why are you staying in a hotel? You live in town?”

“Yeah, uh, no one really knows but Trin and I are separating.”

“Oh…” letting your voice trail off, not sure if you should reveal your own secret or continue trying to keep your emotions under control. You know if you open your mouth, it will lead to things you’re not sure you can come back from but something in your brain keeps screaming don’t you fucking dare miss this opportunity.

“I’m sorry to hear that, Kiri. If it makes you feel any better, no one knows about me and Theo either.”

Kirishima almost gives himself whiplash when he turns to look at you, “Wait, seriously? Y’all are separating too?”

“Mmhhmmm. Haven’t started the actual divorce process but it’s definitely happening.”

“Uhh…I’m sorry. I mean I obviously don’t know any details but I know it's difficult, regardless.”

“Thank you, Kiri, but it’s fine. For the best, honestly.”

Pulling up to the hotel, you move to open your door but stop when you hear a low growl, “Don’t you dare, Y/N. You know better.”

“Right,” you breathe, trying to ignore your now drenched panties.

Kirishima grabs your bag from the backseat and walks to your side, opening the door for you and offering his hand. The ride in the elevator was surprisingly silent except for Kirishima asking what floor you needed to get to, sighing, slightly exasperated that his self control is being tested so thoroughly tonight, when it was the same floor as he. It seemed fate was practically shoving him in your direction and he didn’t quite know what to do about it. Dropping you off at your door, which just so happens to be across the hall from his, because of course it is, he sighed again. Swallowing against the words clawing up his throat and blinking back the stinging in his eyes, Kirishima bids you farewell, “It was nice catching up with you, Y/N. Maybe we’ll see each other again sometime.”

“Yeah, thank you for the ride, Eijirou. It was really nice seeing you, I hope everything works out,” turning to scan your room key, you step inside, turning to offer him one last smile before shutting the door and slinking against it to the floor. The tumultuous emotions of the evening finally catching up and overwhelming you; You’re angry and not quite sure why or if you even have a valid reason to be. The all too familiar pang of longing strikes through your chest and words you so desperately want to speak get held back by the unforgiving lump in your throat constricting and growing until you feel like you can’t breathe. Silent tears flood down your cheeks as your throat burns and your chest heaves; Your mind begs something, anything, to take this horrendous monster of misery from you. You’ve already suffered for not choosing him, why do you have to endure more now?

Picking yourself up from the floor, eyes still flooded with tears, you drag yourself to the shower and try to will yourself to stop fucking crying. You allow the hot water to wash your turmoil down the drain and expose new skin; Skin that refuses to speak anything but the truth. Skin that will, for the first time, be selfish to supply its owner her needs. You’ve grown accustomed, you realize, to the anchor of loneliness twinging your heart as you lay down for the night. Drifting into a hopefully dreamless sleep, your eyes snap open to three hard knocks on your door. Crawling out of bed in your nightshirt, you peek through the eyehole and see none other than a very shirtless Kirishima pacing in front of your door.

“Kirishima?” Your voice carries through the door and makes him pause. Just as he turns, you open the door, your expression curious with an uplifted eyebrow.

“Y/N, this probably isn’t the best time and I know that but I couldn’t live with myself if I let another day go by without telling you how I fe-“ Kirishima starts, cut off with your mouth on his.

Not a single second goes to waste as Kirishima picks you up, his hands under your thighs, and walks into your room, slamming your back against the wall while your greedy hands roam his shoulders and arms before carding them through his long crimson hair. Sharp teeth prick your bottom lip as he pulls it into his mouth, lightly sucking before pulling away to move down your neck. Desperation fuels his tongue’s ministrations along your exposed skin, random patterns of licking, biting, and sucking leave you suspended in anticipation. Pulling back and admiring his marks blooming across your neck and collarbone, both of you pant trying to catch your breath while he strides toward the bed. Leaning down, he moves his left arm to wrap around your waist and lowers you both with his right, slotting himself between your thighs. Capturing your mouth once again with his, you gasp against his lips when you feel the daunting weight of his dick throb against your core. Licking your bottom lip, he pulls away slightly, hot breath fanning over your face while his eyes dart over your features, finally able to take in your beauty. He presses a light kiss to your lips before breathlessly mumbling against them, “Y/N, please tell me you want this.”

Grinding your hips up against him, you plead, “Fuck, Kiri, yes please…” Overcome by the unabashed love shining in his eyes, tears begin to brim your lash line. Quickly stripping off your shirt, you lay back against the pillows. Kirishima rids himself of his sweats and gives long, languid strokes to his cock as his eyes hungrily rake over your exposed figure, pausing at your breasts before roving to your glistening cunt. The bed dips under his weight as he lays between your legs, placing open mouthed kisses up your thighs, stopping occasionally to suck and bite his marks into your plush skin making you whimper at his slow, torturous pace. Chuckling, he looks up at you through lust blown eyes, his voice rumbles through the air, “Patience, baby girl. I’ve wanted this for years. No way in hell am I rushing.”

You gasp at the sudden presence around your clit as he sucks and licks little circles, your moaning encouraging him to push a finger into your core, “Fuck, you’re tight, Y/N.”

You whine and pull on his shoulders, trying to bring him up to you, “Please, Kiri…please fuck me.”

“Not yet, baby. Need’ta get you ready to take me,” a second finger presses against your walls, scissoring and curling up to stroke the little spot inside you. Your body starts clenching around his digits, covering them in your arousal and dripping down his hand. Pulling his mouth from your clit, Kirishima murmurs, “That’s right, baby girl. Cum for me, cum all over daddy’s fingers.”

Dragging his free hand up your body he takes your right nipple between his fingers and pinches at the same time his fingers curl and his mouth gives a particularly hard suck to your clit. Your back arches, hips involuntarily jerking away from the sensations but Kirishima only places an arm over you, anchoring you to the bed and fingers you through your release. Removing his fingers, his tongue trails down to dip into your pussy, your walls still quivering around him. Humming contentedly, he moves to hover over you, places his fingers against your lips and groans when you suck them in and swirl your tongue around them.

Slipping his hand between you, he gives himself a few teasing pumps before lining up. You tuck your bottom lip between your teeth when you feel the bulbous head of his cock nudge against your entrance, gasping when the tip finally pushes through the tight ring of muscle. Even with preparation, you felt like you were being split in half. You throw your head back against the pillow as he fills you excruciatingly slowly inch by delicious inch. Your eyes roll back, mouth dropping open allowing a salacious moan to escape when he finally bottoms out. Panting as your walls squeeze around him, Kirishima drops his forehead to yours, one hand drifting up to cup your cheek.

“I need you to know, I never stopped loving you, Y/N. Just needed to hear you say you wanted me as much.”

Laying one last gentle kiss against your lips, he pulls his hips back before slamming them back, making you cry out and dig your fingernails into his skin. Kirishima hisses at the pleasurable pain trailing down his back, angry red marks in its wake. His thrusts may be slow but they don’t lack in power, every swing of his hips makes his balls slap against your ass while the thick tuft of hair at his base moves over your clit. The slow drag of his cock allows you to feel every thick, engorged vein as the tip nudges against your cervix.

“Fuck, baby girl. Not gonna last if you keep squeezing me like this…”

“Kiri…please…”

“Please what, little one? Use your words, love.”

“Faster…”

“I’ve got you baby. I’ll take care of you.”

Wrapping his arms around you, Kirishima pulls you up with him as he sits back on his knees. Your arms instinctively wrap around his shoulders as your legs perch around his waist. Placing his hands on your hips, Kiri picks you up and lets you drop back down, making you yelp at how full you are. Putting a hand on your lower abdomen, he pushes against you and groans, “Feel me, baby girl? Feel how deep I am?”

You sniffle and nod, your head tucked into the crook of his shoulder, “M’ready, Kiri. Please move.”

Kirishima pulls your face to his, kissing you fervently as he picks you up by your hips and drops you down. He sets a brutal pace, not letting you catch your breath. His hips thrusting up to meet yours as he lowers you, fucking you like you’re nothing more than a toy while his words promise his love and affection, asking you to give him a chance to feel your love again. One hand remains on your hip, guiding you up and down his cock while the other drifts to your clit to rub frantic circles, his mouth feverishly nipping and sucking across your collarbone.

“Cum with me, baby girl. C’mon, you can do it for me, right? Cum for daddy.”

Letting out a growl when your moans and squeals fill his ears, your walls clamping down and fluttering wildly around his length, his thrusts falter when his dick twitches, filling you with his cum. Leaning his forehead against your shoulder while you both catch your breath, he chuckles when he feels a mixture of both your releases dripping down his shaft, “Think we should clean up, pretty girl.”

You sigh, “Yeah you’re probably right but this feels nice. Just wanna lay with you inside me for a bit.”

Kirishima slowly adjusts you so he can remain inside while he lays on his back with you draped over his chest, your head in the crook of his neck. He brings a hand up to your face to brush away stray strands before drawing random soothing patterns across your back. Neither of you spoke a word more. Neither of you willing to ruin your time together with the thought of possible consequences, choosing instead to soak up everything you could. Every detail, every sound, every sensation burns itself into your minds. Maybe tomorrow would be nothing special. Maybe you’d both continue on with your lives as they were. The ease in your chest and the peace in his mind, however, seems to tell you both that tonight is the beginning of reconciliation for the past and neither of you were going to fight it.

_____

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[quirrrky]

10. WRITE FOR YOU [FINAL] 「DENOUEMENT」

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𖧵 1.2k words 𖧵 You asked your childhood best friend, Keiji, to be the editor of your romance novel that was actually…all about him. 𖧵 mutual pining, friends to lovers? unrequited love?

“The plot is great. It is also well-written. The metaphors you used somehow feels like it’s very personal, intimate.” Your professor praised your novel, something that would make you ecstatic given a different a situation.

However, handing her the manuscript was like the very last period you punctuated in a 9 long years of novel; in 9 years of your feelings for your best friend, Keiji.

You gave her a faint smile and exited her office. Walking down the hallway on your way out of the campus, you bit your lip, controlling the wave of emotions that came crashing in.

You deliberately avoided Keiji the past few weeks, using the reason that you had to focus on finishing your novel, when in fact you’re just preparing yourself for the harsh truth that he’d never see you in the way you wished he could.

The harsh truth that all of this was just a fairytale, a work of fiction and some things existed so that you could have a good story to tell.

Deeply breathing in, you forced a smile on your face. Perhaps, that was it.

Yes, that was it.

You kept telling yourself that, but the sting in your chest felt like pages being torn from a book and those pages were one of the happiest moments of your life. Moments you wished you could draw more chapters from. Moments that made you feel empty without and it hurt because his existence were written all over it.

“Y/N,” Your heart stopped.

It was him. The very first person you'd see after deciding to let him go.

Shivers ran down your spine. If you didn’t now better, you’d think that he missed you. You’d think that his eyes held a sense of longing for you in the days you had never spoken with each other.

That’s not it. It’s not that way, right?

“K-Keiji, w-what are you doing here?” Your voice half-shaking as you tried to keep all emotions at bay.

“I- uh, it has been weeks since I haven’t seen you. You also missed my birthday. I thought I could drop by during your submission, so we can get a cup of coffee together.”

“I’m going home.” You walked, attempting not to stop by his side.

“Let me walk you home.” Yet it was difficult to stop him.

The next thing you knew, you were matching his slow strides. You hated how much comfort you felt just by having his presence this close to you. It’s as if you’re all too well-acquainted with him that he felt like home and comfort in whatever setting, in whatever season. Internally, you shook your head.

You couldn’t be feeling this way!

This was foolish.

You’re a fool for thinking that someone would just suddenly have feelings for you.

You’re a fool for thinking he’d figure out what you feel and probably what he also really feels about you through a fiction.

Keiji was right. This was probably just a figment of your imagination despite how painfully real it all was for you.

You were taken out of your reverie when he stopped walking right at the playground where you first met. That day seemed like yesterday and it's a pain that you had to walk back through it again, right now.

“I’m sorry.” He said.

Tears brimmed at the edge of your eyes. He figured it out after all. Your fist clenched the strap of your bag. “You- You don’t have to be sorry, Keiji. It’s not like-“

“No, I have to. I really have to.” He turned to face you and seeing him looking so vulnerable like this made you made it even harder for you to control your tears. “Y/N, I'm really sorry. I missed the rain the last time we saw each other.”

“Huh?”

“In you novel, the male lead he…isn’t it that he kissed the female lead under the rain? I missed my chance, right?”

“Wha-What do you mean?” You couldn’t believe what you’re hearing.

Keiji took a deep breath. “You can never fall in love with someone all of a sudden, it just felt that way because you’re failing to realize what has been there all along.”

He took your hands and held them firmly. Just like how he held the cherry blossoms the very first time you two had met.

“I can’t bring back the days I missed not realizing how much you really mean to me, Y/N. Look, I…I’m not really sure if the male lead in your story was me or if it was all just my irrational judgment. I just know that it has to be me. I have to be the male lead of your life. I..”

You sobbed quite chuckling at the same time. “I thought you’re smart, Keiji. Why are you being such a dumbass?”

"What- What do you mean?" He asked.

"You held his hands firmly like they were Autumn leaves almost slipping through the gaps between your fingers. “It was you. It was you all along, dummy.”

His face fell blank for a second until he let out a teary sigh of relief, still disbelieving what he just heard and how stupid he really had been.

Without letting another chance slip, he squeezed you in his arms, burying half of his face on your shoulder. You embraced him back so tight. Both of you relishing the feeling as proof that all of this was, in fact, a reality even if it felt like a dream.

Parting a little, he cupped your cheek. “I know it isn’t raining anymore, but I hope I’m not too late.”

You just stared at his eyes as he slowly bridged the gap between your lips. He tasted like your favorite coffee, warm and sweet. His hold on you tightened as you both got lost in your deepening kiss.

Christmas lights twinkled from the different stalls lined up at the bazaar. It had been a week since you and Keiji had began dating yet it felt like a lifetime just waiting to be uncovered.

He visited your house often. By often, it was everyday as if he didn’t really want to go home anymore. Well, you didn’t want him to go home either.

“Do you feel cold?” He asked. You smiled and shook your head no, which made him sigh. “Liar.” He blew a warm breath on your clasped hands and slipped them inside the pocket of his trench coat.

You blushed. This all seemed so new yet if felt so natural like you’re both meant to be this way from the very first day you saw each other.

He took you to a quieter place somewhere in the park. You were both walking under the trees. Glancing up, you admired how magical they looked like adorned with fairylights, when Keiji held your shoulder to stop you from walking and got on his knees.

You chuckled at his habit and it was something you really adored about him. “Meh,” you teased. “Your spidey-senses are wrong this time. My shoelace is fine.”

“I know.” He pulled out a small dark blue box from his pocket.

“No way!” Your hands flew to your mouth. “Isn’t this too earl-“

“No. I’m 9 years, 10 chapters and 14,000 words too late. Let’s write the next chapters of our lives together from now on, Y/N. Will you-“

Your face was all red as you reached out your hand to him, not letting him finish the question as you gave him your answer through a nod.

“I hate you.” You told him. “You’re so corny. I haven’t even included that line in my novel.”

Keiji couldn’t control grin on his face as he slipped the ring through your finger. He stood up and planted a soft kiss on your forehead until he placed a chaste one on your lips.

Brushing your cheek with the back of his hand, he spoke softly, “We have all the time to write it together.”

A/N: sobbs I- this series is something I never really thought would succeed. First of all, it's not your friendly neighborhood smut and it's not entirely angsty as it should be. However, I'm deeply happy to have found readers who find a comforting experiencing in this. I felt really sad that I wasn't able to finish it in the time I planned it to be done, but I like to write this last chapter in the best way possible. Writing this part has restored a part of me I thought I've lost during the time I couldn't find time to write it only to discover that I would have found even more now that I finish this. I'm so glad to have found new friends and to bond with you over this short period of time. OMG WHY AM I SAD? 🤧

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REBLOGS ARE DEEPLY APPRECIATED ♡ Please help me reach other viewers. Thank you so so much!

© quirrrky 2021 - All rights reserved. No work shall be reproduced, reposted, modified, translated in any form or by any means. ✧ DAYDREAM MUSEUM ✧

[adorerdraco]

Healing Heart ✧ Draco x Reader Mini-Series PART 1

Summary: Draco meets and accidentally falls in love with reader during his sixth year (HBP). Part 1 of a upcoming series.

Warnings: angst, some fluff, mentions of blood, crying, panic attacks

Words: 6.4K words (I made this so longgg)

A/N: my first Draco writing !!! i am sorry ahead of time if there are any misspellings, typing with long acrylics is hard omg. ALSO PLEASE FEEL FREE TO SEND ME REQUESTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! also i do not own this gif.

It was almost satirical how Draco managed to fall in love with someone at what might be, is, the lowest point in his life. It was his sixth year at Hogwarts, the dark mark burned into his left forearm, the restless mending of the vanishing cabinet, the impossible task of killing his Headmaster, the Dark Lord looming over him and his family with promises of torture and death if he didn’t follow through with the orders he was given.

Draco was an empty shell of what he used to be. The playful and mean remarks that would leave his mouth to anyone that stood in his path were gone. The devious twinkle in his eye and the smug smirk that used to grace his face almost 24/7 was reduced to a permanent scowl and red-rimmed eyes. He looked as if he had aged a rough 10 years since the last year he was at school. Everyone noticed it.

Everyone noticed the skipped meals, the lack of sleep, the empty look in his eyes, the falling behind in class. But no one dared say a thing to him. It almost seems as though people were afraid of him now more than ever. The sneer on his face and the reckless and impulsive attitude he held now was like a repellent for anyone that tried to come near. He was completely alone, whether he liked it or not and he decided to keep it that way.

That all changed a few months into the year, however, when you were rushing to DADA, your long house colored scarf getting tangled underneath your feet causing you to trip and lurch forward, dropping all your books, your wand, and crashing into, you guessed it, Draco Malfoy himself. There was a loud cracking sound as you both tumbled onto the ground, a yelp slipping past Draco’s lips as he held his hand in pain.

"Oh, Merlin,” you gasped, Draco shooting you the dirtiest glare. “Draco, I’m so sorry.”

Before he could open his mouth to tell you off and incessantly insult you into oblivion, you reached forward and took his wounded hand in yours, the softness of your hands and tender touch throwing him off guard. He watched you as you examined the damage on one of his fingers.

“It’s just a sprain,” you finalized after inspecting it for a couple seconds. Draco recoiled his hand from yours as if he had touched a hot surface. He moved to get up and you huffed out a “wait, hold on,” as you scrambled around the ground for your wand. When you felt the wood underneath your fingertips, you clutched it and jumped to your feet, gently grabbing onto the sleeve of Draco’s robe who was already trying to retreat.

“Get away,” he snarled, snatching his arm out of your grasp.

“Let me help,” you pleaded softly, “it’ll be quick, I promise.”

Draco looked down at you with annoyance. He was about to leave again until he felt that same tender touch from just a few moments ago. The feeling stunning him again as he looked down at his hand that was now lying palm up in yours.

“Episkey,” you drawled the wand over his injured finger, the both of you watching the swollen and purple bruise beginning to form suddenly fade away.

Draco gave you one last scowl before he snatched his hand out of yours and turned around to leave the corridor, leaving you standing there dumbfounded as he quickly walked away, his cloak floating behind him like the professor, who’s class you now realized you were very late for.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 

That night, Draco lied awake staring at his ceiling he had charmed to resemble a starry night sky. His mind wandered off to think about spells he could try to help fix the vanishing cabinet and different ways he could kill Dumbledore without actually having to face him. He thought of his parents, mostly his mom, and how much he wishes he could save her and himself from this life. He thought of this school and how much he missed being an unknowing child who just did his schoolwork, played quidditch and bully the Golden Trio. He missed the two-dimensional life he used to live. Even if he used to be a complete ignorant and snobby arse, he was a happy one at that. Only now he knows that life isn’t what mummy or daddy say it is, in fact, it is so much worse.

He found his mind wandering to his uneventful day of dragging himself through his classes and failed attempts on the cabinet in the room of requirement. He then all of a sudden remembered the klutzy y/h/c girl that tripped into him and sprained his finger. He remembered how soft her touch was and how gentle she was in fixing said finger. That feeling was hard to forget. He hasn’t felt such tenderness since he doesn’t know how long. He recalled his mother’s hug before he boarded the train to Hogwarts, but that was ages ago.

In his ever growing turmoil, there wasn’t an ounce of warmth in Draco’s life since he’s returned to school. The coldness he was feeling on the inside was just as apparent as it was in his surroundings. He catches himself wishing he could feel that touch again, something about you radiated warmth, and just as quick as that thought appeared, he pushed it away. 

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

The next day, as Draco was leaving the room of requirement and into the empty corridor, he felt the familiar ache in his chest that began to flow through his body. He had made little to no progress today on the cabinet. He felt a panic attack on the horizon, his breathing becoming staggered and tears pricking his eyes. He hated it. He hated feeling so weak.

He began rushing towards Moaning Myrtle’s bathroom, his tears blurring his vision and just like the day before, he crashed right into someone. Instinctively, he held the other person in place by their biceps so neither of them would fall. But that still didn’t stop how upon impact, the other person’s head had collided with his bottom lip. He squeezed his eyes in pain as he felt the skin break and blood quickly escaping it. When he pulled back, he focused on the figure in front of him and realized it was you. The same klutzy girl he bumped into yesterday. 

“Oh no, not again,” you frown, placing your hand on the part of your head that met Draco’s lip.

“You ought to watch where you’re going, you twit,” he snarls, stepping away from you in anger.

“It was an accident,” you responded just as harshly. You take a deep breath and throw the attitude aside. He was bleeding for Merlin’s sake and you felt bad that it was because of you. “I’m sorry, please let me heal you again,” you offer, taking a step towards him, closing up the space he had made.

“I think you’ve done enough,” he backs up, eyeing you down.

“Draco, please, just let me heal your lip and i’ll be out of your way,” you ask again, your soft and guilt ridden e/c eyes peering up at him through your lashes. Draco’s heart flutters, his anger subsiding for a second and he nods.

You step towards him once more and unexpectedly place a warm hand on his face while the other brings your wand up to his lip where it hovers. It was a non-verbal spell you used this time and he felt the pulsating pain in his lip subside to nothing. 

Even though he was healed, you both stayed in that position, your hand still on his cheek and his eyes gazing into yours. He didn’t realize it at that moment, but the pain in chest had also subsided, just a little. The tears had gone. His breathing was drastically slower.

“What’s your name?” the question tumbled from his lips before he could stop it. You gave him a small smile, your hand falling from his face and he frowns when he feels the cold on his skin from the loss of contact.

“It’s Y/N, Y/N Y/L/N” you answer. “We have potions together this year, actually.”

Draco thought back to that class, now that Slughorn was teaching it he hardly paid attention, especially since he felt he was skilled in it anyways so he would let himself slip into his thoughts and let the whole period pass by in a haze. He feels as though he might have heard your name here and there, but he wasn’t so sure.

“Hm, funny, I’ve never noticed you,” he says, not intending it to sound rude but it did. He watches your face fall and he feels a slight guilt poke at him.

“Well, like I said, I’ll be out of your way now,” you mumble to him, brushing past him softly as you continued your path out of the corridor and out of his sight.

He didn’t know why, but he felt a little sad to see you go. He shook his head, shaking the thought from his mind and instead of the bathroom, he decided to go to his room, no longer feeling like he did before your little encounter.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

As days went on, Draco ended up paying more attention in Slughorn’s class. Not to the chubby old professor, but to you, who he shared subtle glances with throughout classes and half-hearted smiles.

You wanted nothing more than to continue talking to him. To be in his presence. He was like a magnet to you, while everyone else thought the opposite of him. Even Pansy, who usually was up his ass, distanced herself from the ghost of the boy she once obsessed over. You couldn’t lie, the small crush you harbored on Draco had only grown more and more each day. It started about three years ago, during your third year when you had seen him in the hospital wing after his run-in with Buckbeak.

You remember the sheer shock you felt when you had seen him for the first time that year. The slicked back hair was gone, he had grown several inches taller, maybe even a foot taller now that you thought about it. His voice had deepened into that haughty tone you somehow couldn’t get enough of. But just like you, many other girls noticed these changes too and began pursuing him. Something you’d never had the guts to do.

Until now.

The feelings you had been suppressing for the past 3 years had come back in overflow the second you bumped into him the other day. Even worse this time since you’ve actually had a conversation with him now and the fact that he won’t stop looking at you.

Slughorn pulled you out of your thoughts when he announced to everyone to partner up to brew the potion he had been lecturing us on all week. Draught of Peace.

“This is your chance,” your friend besides you sings to you as you looked longingly in Draco’s direction who hasn’t moved from his spot.

“No, he usually works by himself, I don’t want to bother him anymore than I have,” you sigh, slumping down in your seat.

“Y/N, you’ve been in love with him since third year,” she huffs, “besides, maybe he only works alone because no one can stand being near him.”

“Shhh, someone might hear you,” you hiss, slumping even lower into your seat. “I am not in love with him, it’s just a stupid crush,” you whisper angrily to her while she only rolls her eyes.

“Okay, well, have fun working alone,” she smirks, getting up from her seat and scurrying across the room to join another classmate. You gape at her in distress, she returns the same gesture, mocking you. She then points over to Draco and smiles, giving you an encouraging thumbs up.

You rest your head in your hand for a second, feeling the hot blush that had made its way onto your face and focused your gaze onto the table in front of you. You mentally hexed your friend, who thought it’d be a good idea if she were ditch you so you would be forced to look for another partner. Jokes on her, you’re not getting up from this seat.

‘I can’t go up to him,” you thought, ‘he probably thinks I’m some annoying creep who won’t leave him alone. I’ll just work by myself.”

Draco looks over at you, noticing the empty space beside you and the frown on your face as you pushed your Potions book to the side and sat up to get your cauldron ready. You were alone, and so was he. He fought himself on whether or not he should join you. It was a bold move, especially for him. He was used to working alone, but the longer he looked at you, the more he found himself missing the sound of your honey sweet voice and soft eyes. Before he had any more time to argue with himself about it, he gathered up all his things and walked over to the empty spot next to you.

“Do you want help?” Draco asked awkwardly, immediately regretting his decision to move. Your eyes shot up from the potion book, not expecting to see the blond next to you with a faint blush on his cheeks.

“Um, yes, actually, that’d be nice,” you mutter out to him, moving some stuff around on the table so that he would have space for his. You could hardly contain the deep red blush that was already on your face from intensifying at his presence. You swallowed thickly as the realization set in that your longtime crush was right beside you and even offering a helping hand. Which in Draco’s case was extremely rare, almost unheard of. Matter of fact, this is something the Slytherin Prince has never done.

He sets his bag down and his supplies and takes a seat, rolling up his sleeves so that he could get started on crushing the porcupine quills into the moonstone powder. The amount of times he has made this potion by now for himself was sad, but good in this case since he would be able to impress you with his skill.

He worked diligently and quietly and you watched as his long slender fingers worked everything with attention and precision. You were looking up at him every now and then which you now realized was a terrible idea considering you were in the middle of cutting ginger root and you weren’t exactly coordinated to begin with. You felt the sharp blade slide across your finger and a small gasp left your mouth when the pain instantly began once the first drop of blood fell.

Draco looked at you in confusion, his eyes widening slightly when he saw the blood dripping from your hand and your face contorted in pain. You ignored the looks Draco was giving you, afraid that he might be looking at you with contempt for being sloppy.

“Y/L/N, perhaps you should go to Madam Pomfrey,” Draco suggests, now seeing that the cut was very deep as you inspected it. In fact, it was so deep he swore he could’ve seen bone.

“No, it’s fine, I can heal it,” you ignored the sharp pain and placed your hand on the table and pointed your wand at the cut with your uninjured hand. You focused on the cut and closed your eyes, letting your wand do its magic with your unspoken spell. When you opened your eyes, the cut was gone, just a small scar in its place and drying blood around it. “You see,” you smile, turning towards Draco and waving your finger, “brand new.”

“You don’t want dittany for the scarring?” Draco asked with an eyebrow raised.

“No, I don’t mind them and this one is small anyways. They’re like memories to me. Some come from good experiences, some bad. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I’m a little clumsy,” you explain, a small smile on your lips.

“Trust me, I’ve noticed,” he sighs, “so you’ve managed to become your own healer because of that?”

“Exactly that,” you hummed. “That’s actually what I’m studying to be. I plan on being at St. Mungo’s once we graduate. I’ve been studying for it my whole life.”

Draco was silent for a moment. He watched as you carefully threw ingredients into the cauldron and stirred them with caution. He noticed that despite your clumsiness, you handled everything you touched with a care and gentleness. It was a calming sight to him for some reason and he faintly smiled.

“I think you’d be a great healer,” he complimented quietly. You looked at him with one of the brightest smiles he’s ever seen and his heart swells at the thought of it being because of him. He feels a smile mirroring yours that tries to break through, but he fights it.

“You know, you’re a lot nicer than you let on,” you say quietly, waiting for his reaction from the corner of his eye. Draco wants to give you a snarky remark, just to uphold his cold reputation he’s given himself since his first day back at Hogwarts, but he doesn’t.

Instead of saying anything, he just shrugged and gave you a small smile, turning his attention back to the task at hand. You do the same, choosing to enjoy the comfortable silence that had settled.

When Slughorn came by to check when you finished, he eyed you and Draco and smiled.

"Ahh, Mr. Malfoy, I’m glad you’ve finally decided to partner up with someone,” he gleamed. “Miss Y/L/N here is an excellent potions student such as yourself.”

“Yes, she is,” Draco responded, keeping his eyes trained on the professor. He didn’t want to look at you, feeling embarrassed that he has now complimented you twice in the last 20 minutes. You smiled to yourself, something you’ve been doing a lot of since the slytherin boy sat next to you.

“Well, I suppose you’ll be pleased to know the two of you have brewed an outstanding potion,” Slughorn grins, “both of you will receive perfect marks on this. You can be excused from today’s class now.”

“Thank you, Professor,” you begin gathering your things and turn towards Draco. “I’ll see you next class? Or maybe somewhere around the castle when I accidentally bump into you.”

Draco chuckles and shakes his head, “perhaps. I’ll see you soon, Y/L/N.”

With that, he strides out of the class, you staring at the back of his platinum blond head with a stupid smile on your face.

“You’re welcome,” your friend suddenly appeared next to you, playfully slapping your arm. “I don’t remember the last time I’ve seen Draco look so... calm.”

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

Weeks had gone by, and several Potions classes. The seat beside you now belonged to Draco and the two of you had in a sense, become friends. Or acquaintances. You couldn’t quite say. 

He was still brooding and mostly kept to himself, but he would converse with you here and there about things, almost always school. The two of you continuously getting outstanding marks on everything you produced much to Slughorn’s delight.

Sometimes he would come to class looking disheveled or angry and those were the days where no matter how much you tried to talk to him to at least maybe get his mind off things, he would ignore you. Wouldn’t even look at you. You couldn’t deny how it had hurt your feelings, but you would brush off the hurt and remind yourself that it wasn’t personal. He was obviously going through something, you didn’t know what, but you had to respect that sometimes he just didn’t want to talk. That was hard. Especially because you just wanted to hear his voice or see him give you that rare smile when you would say something he found amusing or you would accidentally drop something off the table with your elbows or knocked over with your hands. 

You were rounding a corridor when you saw the flash of blond zoom past you. He didn’t see you, but you saw the pointed look in his eyes and the tears that were pooling in the stormy gray eyes that you adored. You mentally fought yourself on whether or not you should follow him, he looked so upset and all you wanted to do was give him a peace of mind. So you followed him, all through two corridors until he disappeared into Moaning Myrtle’s bathroom.

Your heart broke at the sobs that filled the bathroom. They were full of pain and despair. The sound of his rapid breathing mixed in with his cries was more than enough to let you know that he was having a panic attack. You pushed open the door slightly to see him hunched over a sink, his robe discarded on the ground along with his vest and tie leaving him in only a white long sleeved dress shirt. 

You wanted to run in and help, but stayed back, realizing that this was something that was extremely personal. You knew he would be livid if you or anyone saw him like this, so broken and emotional. You were about to leave, all of a sudden feeling very ashamed for even following him in here. You watched as he looked up into the mirror, an anger flashing in his eyes as he stared at the reflection looking back at him. Not yours, but his. All he could see was a monster staring back at him. A failure. A weak man. He was disgusted and angry with what he saw and before he knew what he was doing, he had pulled his fist back and you watched it collide with the middle of the mirror where he had been. The glass shattered upon impact, the shards now flying in all different directions and embedding into his knuckles. He fell to the ground on his knees, in pain and clutching his fist as his cries only got louder. 

That was when you threw open the door, rushing in to help him, not caring that you were going to have to put up a fight in order to even get near him. Draco’s eyes shot up to meet yours, and just like you thought, he was beyond pissed to see you. 

Draco has never felt such humiliation in his life. The beautiful and kind y/h girl he had acquainted himself with, was now looking at him with pity. He grabbed his wand from his pocket, pointing it at you with such quickness that you faltered in your steps.

“Get. Out!” He yelled, his wand shaking violently in his uninjured hand. He would never hex you, but he figured you would fall for his bluff and leave. But you didn’t. You only sat yourself down a few feet away from him and felt your own tears begin to fall. “Y/L/N, I swear to Merlin, if you don’t leave, I’ll-”

“You’ll what?” you challenged. “I just want to help.”

“I don’t need your help,” he sneered, his wand still pointed at you.

“You’re bleeding, a lot, Draco,” you point to his bloodied hand that curled to his chest. “You know I can save you a trip to the hospital wing and Madam Pomfrey’s interrogation.”

After a few moments of silence and a wand still pointed at you, you slowly scoot towards him. Your hand encloses around the one holding his wand and you lower it for him while he watches you. He was still crying and breathing heavily. His panic attack somehow getting worse now and no longer having the energy to fight you. You finally reach him, now knee to knee with him and you place a hand on his shoulder.

“Draco, just breath with me,” you say calmly. “In,” you took a long exaggerated inhale, and after a few seconds, “out,” and let out an equally exaggerated exhale. You did that with him for a while, his pained gray eyes focused on yours the whole time, never breaking eye contact. Once he was calmed down enough and was just left with the post crying hiccoughs, you took his injured hand in yours. There was shards and particles of glass stuck in his reddened and bloody skin.

You reached into your robe pocket and pulled out a set of tweezers you kept with you. You often found yourself getting splinters or tiny rocks stuck in your skin when your hands hit the pavement when you’d fall you try and catch yourself.

“This might hurt,” you warn, starting to remove one of the biggest pieces. He sharply inhales as you try your best to do take it out carefully.

It was quiet the rest of the process, just sniffles and gasps from Draco when you had removed a piece that especially hurt. When you were done, you waved your wand over the gashes and watched as they faded into faint pink scars. You got up, pulling him with you and took him to the sink where you rinsed off the blood from both your hands and his. 

He couldn’t say anything. He didn’t know what. He just stared at you, dumbfounded and confused. You turned your body to face his and he did the same, eyeing you carefully and still very cautious to any move you made.

“I can leave now, if you’d like me to,” you offer quietly. He stayed silent, wondering if he should just send you off. But he didn’t want to. You had already seen him at his worst, and he was terribly alone, so he just shook his head ‘no.’ You looked up at him and decided to risk it all. “Can I give you a hug?”

Draco was stunned at the question, his heart pounding against his chest. “I suppose,” he managed to let out in a strained voice.

You slowly stepped closer to him and slid your arms up his biceps until your hands met behind his neck. You stood on your tippy toes and pulled him into you, his chin now resting on your shoulder as your hand smoothed the back of his head. You felt him stiff under your touch and as he got comfortable in your embrace, his arms raised from his sides and snaked around your waist, pushing you flush against him. You stayed like that for what felt like forever, and he held you tightly, not wanting to let go.

This was the first time in a long time that he had felt any type of relief. It had been such a constant uphill battle for him, day after day. He took a deep inhale accidentally, but the smell of your perfume and shampoo filling his nose and his mind made him feel at ease. The warmth of your body from underneath his fingertips brought him peace and succor.

“Thank you,” he whispered into your hair so quietly that if you weren’t so focused on him, you would’ve missed it.

“Anytime.”

That was the day Draco Malfoy became your friend.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

Potions class was no longer the only place you would see Draco. Now that the two of you were comfortable with one another and he trusted you more than anyone else, he found himself hanging out with you every day during his free time when he would be done messing with the cabinet.

It would be taking walks around the castle. Sneaking out at night and meeting behind statues to talk. Sitting together at a bench in the courtyard. Skipping stones along the Black Lake. It’s been months of this. Months of friendship he so desperately needed. You had helped him through several more panic attacks and meltdowns, each time coming closer together. He never told you about what caused them. The worst ones were when he found he had almost killed Katie Bell and Ron Weasley, and as much as you begged him to tell you, he kept his mouth shut. 

He had spent so much time with you that it was affecting him. But for the better. He found himself eating again at the Slytherin table and his friends were more than excited to have him back. He still wasn’t too buddy-buddy with everyone as he once was, but he joined conversations and shared a couple jokes. He was even sleeping a little more. He was still beyond stressed, but it wasn’t as gut-wrenching. He enjoyed Potions again and even started paying a little more attention in his other classes. His new found energy even helped him greatly progress in mending the vanishing cabinet, finally making a breakthrough in fixing it.

He would lie awake at night sometimes and thank Merlin you crashed into his life, literally. You were like an angel to him, healing his heart with every word and smile and touch you sent his way. It was easy with you. He tried his best to keep his emotions at bay, reminding himself that when he would have to follow through with his task, he would lose you and that thought pained him to no end. But he was selfish, and he adored you with every fiber of his being so he couldn’t leave you alone. And especially not when he needed you most.

Today, you lied in the grass, shoulder to shoulder and staring up at the sky and watching the clouds. You were a little ways from the castle, away from all your other classmates and teachers and it was nice. Finally being able to enjoy time with the Slytherin Prince without people gawking at the two of you.

“My mother used to do this with me when I was a small,” Draco trailed off, his eyes following a particular funny shaped cloud. “She would take me out to the garden behind the Manor, usually when father was doing some work at the ministry. But we would sit against this tall oak tree and I’d be on her lap and she’d have her arms wrapped around me and she would point out the funniest shaped clouds and try to pinpoint what they resemble. Sometimes she’d even joke around and say the weirdest shaped cloud looked like father.”

You giggled at that last part, your heart swelling at the story. He rarely talked about his family, but when he did, it would always be of his mother and a happy memory he had with her, never his father.

“Draco, can I ask you something?” you turn onto your side, your elbow holding you up as you gazed down at him.

“What do you wanna know, darling?” you blushed at the nickname but brushed it aside, knowing he only meant it in a friendly way.

“Forgive me if it’s rude, you don’t have to answer,” you begin, “but do you miss your father? I know it’s none of my business and I’m so sorry the Daily Prophet put your family business on blast like that. I can’t imagine how that must have felt.”

Draco frowned and followed you in turning onto his side and propping himself up with his elbow to face you. You remembered the image of Draco and his mother on the newspaper, bright lights flashing across their faces as all the press tried to get picture of them after the sentencing of Lucius Malfoy to Azkaban. You remembered seeing Draco look so sad, yet strong beside his mother as he looked from her and then into the camera with disdain. 

“Sometimes, I do,” he answers, eyebrows furrowed as he thought of his father. “My whole life, he’s expected nothing short of perfection from me. There were no room for mistakes, and if I made any, I would be punished for them. I remember coming to Hogwarts was like an escape, a place where I could finally sort of relax and be a child. I don’t miss his scolding or his coldness. But I miss having a father, I miss going home on that first day of summer and seeing both my parents even if he was going to reprimand me for something later on in the day. He’s been with me my whole life, and now he’s gone, stuck in a cell in Azkaban. He’s never going to be the same. Home is never going to be the same.”

You felt tears prick your eyes as you listened to the boy beside you, a distant look in his eyes as he turned back over on his back to look at the sky in the middle of his explanation. You sat up and he did the same, looking at you with a frown when he noticed you were about to cry. You took your hand in his and held it tightly.

“I’m sorry, Draco,” you mumble. “You don’t deserve any of the bad things you’ve been through.”

“I do,” he shrugs. “I’ve been a real git since I’ve been at Hogwarts, you know.”

“You’re different now,” you say. “Sure, you still haven’t lost a little bit of the Malfoy snobbishness and you’re still a bit of a git, but you’re kinder and more gentle. You’re a lot more empathetic and perceptive. I mean, I’ve never spoken to you prior to this year, but your reputation follows and the Draco in front of me doesn’t seem anything like the Draco you were.”

“How you’ve managed to insult me while complimenting me is something I’ve never seen anyone be able to do successfully is astonishing,” he laughs, a smile growing on his face as you laughed with him.

“I’m serious, Dray,” you giggle, “I think you’re a good person.”

“I’m not good,” he thinks to himself. The compliment leaving your lips made him feel foul. He didn’t deserve to have such a kind soul complimenting him to be something he’d never amount to. He frowned and harshly stood up, and you quickly followed. Suddenly afraid that you might have overstepped your boundaries.

“Where are you going?” You ask, fear trembling in your voice. He begins to hurriedly walk off and you chase after him, stopping in front of him so you could place your hands on his chest to stop him. 

“Y/N, let me go,” he pleads. “I’m not who you think I am.”

“I think I’ve been around you long enough to know who you are.”

“Not long enough.”

You stare up at him, but he refuses to look at you. His body feels rigid under your touch and it pains you to see him beginning to shut down again.

“I know something has been bothering you this year, and I know it’s not just because of what happened with your father,” you start. “I don’t know what is hurting you so deeply enough to make you hate yourself, but I’m here to tell you that whatever that thing is, it doesn’t define you.”

Draco swallows thickly, the tears already falling down his cheeks. “It does, it does.”

“No, it doesn’t,” you cry with him. “Even if you don’t see your goodness, I do.”

Both you and Draco are crying, the tree you were now standing under was swaying violently in the wind, as if it was picking up on your guys’ emotions. You placed a hand on his cheek, and he leaned down, pressing his forehead against yours.

“I’m not good,” he whispers to you, “and once you see that, you’re going to hate me.”

“I could never hate you, Draco Malfoy,” you promise, a complete sincerity in your voice that it makes his heart jump.

Draco lifts his head up and sniffles, he watched you do the same, peering up at him through your wet lashes. He brought his thumb up to smooth the crease in between your eyebrows, letting it fall down to your cheeks where he wiped away the stray tears that had stilled. His hand then landed on your mouth that was pulled down in a grimace that matched his own. His thumb grazed over your lips, the softness of them nearly driving him mad. He wanted nothing more than to feel them against his own, but he couldn’t bring himself to kiss you. He didn’t want to drag you into the darkness of his life more than he already has.

“Kiss me,” you said to him, so softly but it rang loud in his ears. You had seen the way he looked at you and how he seemed so focused on your lips. You knew what he was thinking because it was exactly what you were thinking. You wanted this just as badly as he did. “Kiss me.”

Every argument he had in his head vanished and suddenly he closed the small space between the two of you and gently placed his lips onto yours. It was a fluid movement, like two puzzle pieces fitting together.

Your hands found their way in his hair, holding him closer to you and he did the same by gripping onto your hips. His lips were soft against yours, filled with fervor and desire. He was gentle with you, but you could still feel the deepness of his kiss and how it intensified with each second. He had put all his emotions into it, his care, his appreciation, his want, his sadness, his grief, his love.

When he pulled away and the two of you stood there staring at each other with love stricken eyes, he realized he had made a grave mistake.

He realized he was in love with you. He realized that he would never be able to let you go, and you would never let him go. And he knew that with the direction his life was going in, one way or another, you would get hurt and he would lose you, maybe even to death itself.

So in that moment he knew. As much as he loved you and wanted more than anything to be with you, he couldn’t put you in that position where you would be staring evil and death in the face. He wouldn’t tarnish your beautiful soul like that.

“I have to go,” he breathed out. “Please, leave me alone. For good.”

And with that he turned away, leaving you standing under the tree with tears falling down your face, a sob escaping your throat and the sound of your knees hitting the grass below you. He held back his own cries and walked faster away from you, knowing you had finally done damage to yourself that you couldn’t heal, and it was all his fault.

PART 2