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nafeary · 4 years

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Napoleon, Theo, Dazai, and Jean reacting to College Student!MC Stressed by Deadlines

Requested by @hqissodelicate:

hey toni boo, sara/delicateikemenmemes here ❤ i've been Going Through It with school 😔 so i was thinking of how my boos napoleon, theo, dazai & jean would react to MC who's a (stressed, exhausted) student who got yeeted to the mansion in the midst of a bunch of deadlines? thank you boo & i hope you're drinking your water 💙😤

✧✎ A/N: I’m sorry it took me this long to finish... but this was super fun to write and it helped me get back into writing after such a long break due to school bs. I’m not too satisfied with Dazai’a and the haphazard scenario/headcanons mush, but I still quite like this I think. Thank you for the request dear! Take care and drink water, everyone!

Warnings: Stress and mild mentions of anxiety, and like one mention of sexual intercourse

Napoleon Bonaparte

“You’re just a chore, after all.”

You whirled around. “Don’t act like your job is going to be that hard,” you could only scoff in annoyance, “I’m going to be inside my room all day, anyway.”

At first, Napoleon was slightly confused by your statement. Wouldn’t you want to explore this new world at all? But according to code, he’d just smirk and go (sleep) do smth

And true to your statement, you did stay inside your room for the most part

It’s not like your quadrillion essays would write themselves

It’s not like your college would just excuse your tardiness

It’s not like—

“Nunuche, you sure you don’t need a break from... whatever you’re doing?”

Napoleon was quite suddenly standing besides you, trying to read the mess that you’ve created.

“And who gave you permission to enter?”

“Me, obviously. I did have the impression that you were in danger, judging from the amount of curses I perceived.”

You could have died from embarrassment. Of course he had to hear your yells of frustration, stemming from the fact that your laptop was out of order, that you had no idea how to use ink properly, and—

“Have you realised that you regularly zone out?”

“I suppose? But if you wouldn’t mind, I really need to finish...” you trailed off, gesturing to the papers in front of you.

However, at his inquisitive gaze, you decided to explain that these were essays that could very well decide how you’d pass university, and, upon further inquiry, elaborated how a modern student’s life looked like

He never interrupted you unnecessarily, only to ask questions when a concept was too modern for him to comprehend

Your cursed assignments certainly made your life in the past harder to enjoy, but it also brought you and the emperor closer than ever

Unable to access the internet—or visit the college library—you had no proper sources for you references (considering that Comte’s library had no modern content, naturally)

You also didn’t want to bother Sebastian, especially since him and Comte had shown so much understanding for your peril that they practically forbid you from helping him out around the mansion

Their reasoning didn’t make you feel less bad though

Hence, you only had one option left that could complete your last essay

Which oh-so conveniently encompasses the Napoleonic Wars, something you truly did not want to burden him with

“Napoleon? Remember those essays that I have to finish for my university courses?”

“Of course.”

You were twiddling your thumbs, contemplating whether your grades are worth revisiting unpleasant memories, aka the taboo of the mansion

Abruptly, he grabbed your cheeks with just enough force to turn you away from looking at your feet, but not enough to inflict pain. “If there is anything I can help you with, I’d never shy away from it.”

Begrudgingly, you inquired him about his reign with as little focus on the gruesome details as possible your professor be damned

And holy shit, he’s amazing at writing? And Not just cringey love letters? Panty Sniffer Napoleon brrrrr

As you grew closer, he’s spoil you with vitamin-rich snacks (going as far as asking Arthur and Sebastian for medical advice)

He enjoys carving cute shapes out of fruits and eggs because he knows that their and his adorable presence will prompt the perfect amount of distraction to allow a small moment of rest

Says that it’s his duty as your guard and boyfriend to take care of your overworking habits

Expect frequent complaints from your beau, ranging from “how could they assign so many essays? Aren’t students just humans, too?” to “‘Reasons Why Edison Is Better Than Newton’? Do they even know what they’re talking about? Tch!”

Theodorus Van Gogh

You gleefully indulged in his charades for the first few days. They were a welcome distraction from your college work, after all

But the procrastination was accompanied by guilt, your anxiety building up every second you spent helping Sebastian with the chores, and gallivanting around town with Theo

A week passed before your sense of responsibility finally kicked in. So when Sebas came to wake you up just as the sun peaked past the horizon, you were already scribbling away on some sheets you’d found in your drawers

“Ah, good morning, Sebastian-san.”

“Good morning... what are you writing, if I may ask?”

“Just some essays for my college courses...” you said, glancing dejectedly at your notes.

Now that you didn’t have access to the internet, and your laptop’s battery was all used up, it made your work all the more tedious, but you had to set your teeth and do this.

“Give me 10 minutes, and I’ll join you in the kitchen.”

He had wanted to argue, but you didn’t let him. And when he saw you leaving the house with Theo later in the afternoon, he could only shake his head.

You felt like you owed the art dealer, especially since you blurted out his secret the literal next moment, so you committed to helping him while also keeping up with your work

Although, him calling you dog wasn’t nice either—even though, according to Sebas’ explanation, Hondje wasn’t exactly the equivalent to mutt

That cycle continued for days. Helping out around the mansion, getting pulled around by Theo, and writing your essays deep into the night

Not to mention all the worries that pressured your shoulders further and further into the ground

You were missing so many group project deadlines, disappointing people that relied on you... it was safe to say that sleep did not come easy, if barely

Just before you arrived at your room after a late night art exhibit did your body decide to fail you, tripping over nothing multiple times.

It prompted Theo to call you out before you could even think of rushing past the door, steadying you with a hand more gentle than you had ever experienced it to be.

“Sebas informed me that you’ve been working yourself to death.”

You silently cursed the butler. “I haven’t—“

“Give me your laptop.”

Perplexion ran across your mien, wondering how he could possibly have remembered such a modern detail from your countless rambles. “It’s batt— it doesn’t work right now, so it’s not like it would stop me from working.”

Arguing with the devil was a mistake.

He snaked his arms around you, holding the door handle in place with one hand while the other still kept you upright. “I don’t care whether you work or not, I’m not your mother. And regardless of its abilities, hand it over, knabbletje.”

What other choice did you have but to comply?

He ordered—yes, ordered—you to go to bed right that instant

If you hesistanly ask him to do the same (we all know what a hard worker he is), he’ll just press a guileless kiss to your forehand, telling you not to worry about him

The next morning, you were already worrying for your baby’s safety within the sadist’s hands when the devil invited himself into your room

“Ever heard of knocking?”

“Morning to you, too, Hondje.” He sent you an overly handsome smirk, handing you the laptop tucked underneath his arms. “You won’t be able to use that spider web Sebas told me about, but writing should work.”

You stared at Theo in disbelief, all the while internally laughing at him misinterpreting the World Wide Web. Deciding to trust in him, you clicked the power button. And sure enough, it sprang to life. “What... how in the world did you...”

Leo overheard you and Sebas talking about solar energy sometime… hush, just run with it

He fell into the seat next to you, propping his chin upon his fist. “I didn’t do anything. Just asked Sebas whether there was a way for you to use this. Leonardo took notice and tinkered around with it. Don’t ask—ah!”

You threw your arms around his shoulders, pressing your face into the crook of his neck. “Thank you for taking care of me, Theo.”

Would you have lifted your face, then you’d have caught a glimpse of the vermillion shading his cheeks. “I didn’t do it to help you. I simply can’t risk having you become a liability at work. That’s all.”

Anyway, tsundere tendencies aside, you know what another big factor of dating Theo is?

King if you’re not allergic, understandably, if so, he’ll change his clothes before even thinking of visiting you

On days that you decide to be especially stubborn, he pulls you outside, all the whilst whistling for the jolly golden retriever

And as soon as he comes running, your mind goes brrrrr cute dog

Although, he’ll try his best not to distract you from work. He knows from personal experience that it’s a much bigger annoyance than help

Thus, he’ll certainly use his connections and amiable rip Shakes relationships with the residents to help you out with the research process

Also, with his superior memory, he knows what generally makes you happy and relaxed, so he’ll be his usual observant self to decipher just what would help you perfectly relax/finish your work

Hardworking boi, please love him

Dazai Osamu

Dazai is the type of person that doesn’t mind upsetting people and risking someone’s disdain if it supports that person in the long run

And he’s able to read people like books, so it shouldn’t be surprising that he knows you’re overwhelmed before you even realize it

You’ve been going to sleep too late and waking up too early? He’ll gently force you (if you’re 100% against it, he won’t do it ofc) to sleep beside him, making sure that you won’t rise with the sun for once

You’ve been exposing your wrist to heavy sprain? He’ll teach you some handy-dandy 5 Min Crafts techniques that are guaranteed to send your hands on a vacation

You've been suffering from writer’s block? Time to go on a lovely stroll through nature with your boo

Your shoulders and neck are hurting beyond sanity? He swears by hot springs, so the thermae is his go-to for when you need to relive some muscle kinks

He never fails to procure the perfect amount of bubbles and temperature. And depending on how comfortable you are with it, he’ll offer to wash your hair.

And since dude got Disney princess hands, you most probably fall asleep, but our man is there to hold you above the water

His bare thighs are an added bonus, sending your mind into spirals faaaar away from college work

After you’re done bathing, he’ll ask you whether you’d like him to braid your hair (if it’s long enough), and his Disney princess hands will not disappoint

In the beginning, it was incredibly vexing to have a security cam in the form of a handsome man always on the qui vive

But at some point, you started embracing Dazai’s overwhelmingly passive—you knew exactly what he was doing whenever he’d do something random—protectiveness

Especially since it didn’t only help you complete your work; on the contrary, you were always excited to spend time with the Japanese writer

But that didn’t curb your confusion at the whole debacle. Why was he this focused on your well-being?

So, you decided to confront him

“Dazai?” Once again, you were relaxing in his arms, his fingers threading through your hair lulling you into a dreamlike state.

He ticked his head to the side, pulling your entwined hands closer towards his heart. The sun streamed into the run at just the right angle, yet the golden light was not as bright as his vivid citrine orbs.

You sighed, unable to look at his stupid handsome face for too long. ”Why is it that you insist on taking care of me?”

“Someone has to, Toshiko-san.”

You’d have blurted out your feelings if it wasn’t for the sudden embrace you found yourself in. As guileless as it appeared, you knew he was trying to stop you from acting on your thoughts.

Deciding that you didn’t want to pressure him further (after all, you knew that he had a hellish first life), you accepted the unclarity of his feelings—even though his actions spoke loud enough for you to understand.

It was that day that you decided to repay him for all he’s done for you

And you wouldn’t let him yeet himself through a window in an attempt to evade the love sent his way this time

Even if it took decades, you wanted him to feel just as safe and loved as you did in his company

You were glad to have such a caring man by your side who helps you with managing you self care

You could only hope that he’d allow himself to be treated the same way

Please just take our love, boo. We love you

Jean d’Arc

Well fuck, how could he possibly help someone who’s stressed when he himself is a 24/7 McDonalds that only sells Chicken McStress?

Anywho, I feel like he’d be the complete opposite of Dazai when confronted with a stressed MC

He’d care just as much, of course, but he thinks that it would be better to give her space, since he himself understands the desire for solitude well

So yeah, I can see him not going out of his way to check up on you if you weren’t super duper close friends/lovers IF it wasn’t for his friend Napoleon

After all, it was him who gave your boyfriend a lil talk, convincing him that, perhaps even if someone needs space, they probably still need someone to look after them

Living with Jean is basically Ted Talks everyday

Anyway, he embarked on his journey to hopefully help you and and to relieve some stress that was wearing you down (according to the statement of several residents)

And, finding himself halting abruptly, our pessimistic little bean realised that he’s got zero idea what did help you attain bliss

So he opted for the next best option—things he knew that made his friends relax

Plan A

Hearing a few oddly reluctant raps on your door, you went to open it. As soon as you did, the beautiful man who’d captured your heart entered your vision, your eyes finding his amethyst ones immediately.

You two stayed like that for a moments, only breaking eye contact when he sighed and simultaneously thrusted a mug into your hand, already in the process striding back to his own room.

“Uhm… Jean? I’m a bit busy right now, but would you like to come in?”

His eyebrows furrowed. “Don’t you find it inappropriate for a man to enter your room, mademoiselle?”

“Jean,” you giggled at his archaic mindset, gently rubbing your thumb between his brows to even out the crease. “We’ve had sex before, you know. Of course you ca—“

Wrong thing to say. He stormed past you, vermillion cheeks practically leaving a trail.

Chuckling to yourself, you turned to the mug’s contents. “Hm? Hot chocolate?”

Plan B:

“If this doesn’t harbor your discomfort…” Your boyfriend reluctantly stood in your room’s corner, standing straighter than a rod.

Frankly, your essays have kept you entirely too busy, and you longed for the warmth of the French man’s feather-like embrace.

“On the contrary, I enjoy your presence.” And you went right back to scribbling away.

Jean frowned. “Haven’t you been writing stories since this morning?”

“They’re not stories… and, yeah? I believe so.”

Stepping towards your seated form, he extended his hand; you grabbed it without thinking twice. “Is everything alrig—whoa!”

With the ease of a seasoned soldier, he picked you up before haphazardly tugging you into bed with bewilderment maring your features. “You should sleep.”

“—what?”

He stared at you blankly, as if expecting you to fall into the land of dreams right that instant.

“Did something prompt,” you slipped your arms out from underneath the duvets, gesturing wildly, “this?”

It was hard to be upset with Jean, his clueless but genuine persona the reason why you fell for him, yet you couldn’t disguise the irritation coursing through your veins—you had work to return to, after all.

“I think you need to rest, mademoiselle.”

Your blinking made him avert his eyes, explaining quietly, “I am uncertain what supports your release of tension, so I thought that perhaps sleeping could help since it certainly does show affect with Napoleon.”

“Ah, and you made me hot chocolate since that’s what calms Mozart.”

After internally simping for his soft and wholesome dumbass energy, you pulled him to bed beside you, claiming that it would help you relax (but only after telling him that it was okay for him to ask for your preferences)

And falling asleep to the heartbeat underneath his broad chest is definitely a 5-star-resort vacation

He’d eventually ask his relationship advisor Napoleon whether it is okay to have you help them out with his reading/writing lessons (you

You, alongside Napoleon, steadily agreed, despite knowing that it was a ploy to keep you away from overworking

Please also love this boy, thanks

Tag List of the most wonderful sweethearts (just message me if you’d like to be added <3): @juminly @kisara-16 @sweetlittlemouse @thesirenwashere @nad-zeta @delicateikemenmemes

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beigehearts · 4 years

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The Price of Self Respect

Read part one here! Read part two here!

PART III CW: mentions of kidnapping, alcohol, drugs, crude language, physical trauma

Let me know if you want a part 4!

1,873 words

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The first thing that comes to mind on dreary morning like these, where the rain trickles down the window and sun hides itself from the world: what started this all? What made you decide to become a hunter? What made you decide to become a freelance hunter? What made you decide to become a freelance assassin? While the answer was easy, a fucked up childhood, you still wondered. Was your first mistake becoming a hunter? Or was your first mistake killing?

A sigh escapes your lips, rolling off of them with practice. Your leg is still covered in the nen cloths. If it weren’t for the myriad of illicit pain medications you are on, you would probably still be doubled over in pain. The bruise that is your entire abdomen has bloomed into a beautiful yellow and red. You felt that Picasso would be happy to use your abdomen as reference.

You no longer reside in that dingy cave-like area, where you were surely deprived of vitamin-D. The Phantom Troupe has moved, where did the whole group go? You did not know. Chrollo and yourself occupate a small cabin in the middle of no where. Middle of no where and you have no idea where no where is. You have been bed ridden, laying in bed staring out the window, being served food and entertainment. Speaking of, you glance over to the stack of books in the corner of the room, it’s about time for another book. The thought of Chrollo needing to give you everything does upset you, feeling so helpless. You’ve been on your own for so long that needing someone is torture.

You swing your legs off of the bed, and hobble towards the bathroom. If you were going to be helpless you would at least keep your dignity. Chrollo has offered many times to help you to the bathroom but you would rather rebreak your leg than that. At this point though there were so many medications in your system that you could barely feel anything from the waist down. Sure you risked falling and breaking your face but again, you will not give up your dignity. It’s only been about two weeks here, though sitting in bed staring out a window makes you feel every single second that passes.

Finally you reach the bathroom that’s on the other side of the bed. Though you don’t lay on that side. Oh yeah, you almost forgot, there’s a catch to this moment of peace. You sleep in the same bed as Chrollo. It definitely took getting used to, and you’re still not quite used to it. The first night was hell.

You scooted yourself down on the bed so you were under the covers, instead of the position you sat in to read. You reached over to the lamp on the bedside table and turned it off. You sigh with relief, finally not sleeping on rocky ground, and finally you had some medication to ease the pain. Most of it anyway. Once you finally shut your eyes, you heard footsteps. You chalked it up to your kidnapper checking in on you, making sure you were still kidnapped.

Then it happened, the bed sheets rustled and you felt a weight next to your own. You sat up as quickly as you could with a broken leg, “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?”

He turned over to you, “Sleeping, what does it look like?”

“Looks like you’re sleeping next to a helpless girl.” You growled at him.

“There’s no heat in this cabin, I looked for any sign of heating besides a fireplace and there was none. This is our best way of survival.” He stated as if it were obvious.

You grimaced. “It’s not exactly freezing cold outside.”

He gave you a look which said more than words could in the moment, and that was the end of the conversation.

You allow yourself to reminisce in the memory once you sit back down from the bathroom, though you don’t get to do so for too long. The bedroom door creaks open, Chrollo opening it gently. He wore his fur coat and carried a tray with fruits and a soup. He closes the door behind him with his foot, wanting to keep the heat of the crackling fireplace in the room.

You nod at the tray in his hands, “Where’d you get the soup?” You ask knowing there was none in this house you have broken into and entered.

In response he offers a smile. “I see you didn’t finish your book.”

He lays the tray next to you on the bed, and sits down in the rocking chair next to the fireplace.

“It was boring. I’m not interested in a misogynist’s philosophies.” You cross your arms, now realizing that it is cold as the drugs ware off some.

Chrollo chuckles, “I agree, he was not the most agreeable man. Much too sexist for my liking.” He rocks back and forth in the chair, creating a methodical creaking that you count off in your head. Creak crack, creak crack, creak crack...

Silence befalls the both of you, you have learned that Chrollo enjoys his silence. He would rather sit in hours of silence than hours of passionless conversation. After what feels like hours, and may have been hours, Chrollo walks over to the stack of books, he thumbs a book out of it. “How would you feel about a glass of wine y/n?”

A smile almost presses itself against your lips but you stop it, “That doesn’t sound half bad.”

Forty-five minutes later, you’re on your third glass of medicinal wine while Chrollo serenades you with the words of a book you’ve already read. He gently swishes the wine in his glass before taking a sip, and finishing off the chapter. His reading had almost lulled you into a light sleep but just the gentle sound of the book shutting snaps you awake.

“What time is it?” You mumble, and realize there’s still half a glass of wine in your hand. You go to sip it but a hand beats you to it, and slips it from your fingers.

Chrollo places the glass on a table out of reach, “I know you’re not a light weight, but I think the medication and three glasses were enough.”

You frown and throw your head back. The wisest of choices for a girl who just had half a bottle of wine, and is laying on a bed with a wooden bed frame. there’s a loud crack sound and pain instantly blossoms in the back of your head. “God damn!” You hiss and sit up with your legs off of the bed. You rub the back of your head and groan.

You glance up and see Chrollo who almost looks dumbfounded, until he starts laughing. “The fuck are you laughing at? Get out of my way.” You bark at him.

Without much thought you stand up, but manage to keep your balance. You didn’t realize how close that Chrollo was standing next to you, you tilt your head up and find that you can feel his breath.

“Go ahead and lay back down y/n. You’re still healing.” He manages to say between some laughter. His hands fall upon your shoulders but you grab his wrists before he tries to push you back to the bed.

You grip his wrists as if about to make a plea, “I’m tired of this bed, I want to see the rest of the house.” Your eyes meet his, “Let me look around.”

He seems to understand without further explanation, he offers his arm for you to hold onto, and begrudgingly you accept his offer.

The house is much bigger than you were expecting. You didn’t understand how this wasn’t just someone’s home and not their ‘villa’. As Chrollo had put it. He chose a good house to occupy for a while, you had to give him that.

The roof is high up, with wooden beams lining the ceiling. The kitchen is grandiose and has marble counter tops, you looked through all of the cabinets and found no sign of soup. The tour for the rest of the house was as expected, overly expensive and too much time has been put into a house that’s used once a year for maybe two weeks.

The small walk about tired you out immensely, you were only able to use one leg and someone else’s arm to get around. Chrollo helps you sit down on the couch of the main room, and sits down next to you.

Chrollo seems comfortable, as if this were any other day for him. You begin to wonder if it is just another day. Suddenly you feel a pet on your head, and then another one. Is this man... petting you? You look to his face and see his eyes trained on you, his other hand reaching for your face.

Is it your extreme desperation for affection that you’ve been missing all these years, or was that wine stronger than you thought? When his lips reach your own, you make no move to stop him, no move to stop him at all. A hand grabs your chin, and another grabs the thigh of your unbroken leg to pull you towards him. You hiss out in pain at the sudden movement jostling your still injured leg and he whispers something of a sorry on your lips. You had slept with people for your missions before, but for some reason this made your lips burn, it made your heart pound, how it never did before.

But you feel sense snap into you and you raise your hand between both of your faces. “This isn’t going to happen Chrollo. I won’t succumb to stockholm syndrome. No, I won’t” You state as if only reassuring yourself. Before you can get anything else you’re stopped in your tracks when he begins kissing the palm of your hand, small and enticing kisses.

“Oh y/n. You continue to surprise me everyday.” He sighs and flops against the back of the couch, “I’m not sure a woman has ever denied me.” He claims.

You raise an eyebrow- the mood suddenly lifting, “So you’re a ladies man huh?”

He scoffs, “Hardly, no more of a ladies man than I need to be for missions.”

You can’t help but to smile, the tone between you has changed. From captor and victim to old friends. This is looking bad for you. Will you be able to say no next time?

#chrollo #chollo lucilfer #chrollo x reader #yandere chrollo #phantom troupe #hxh #hunterxhunter #yandere

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agustdef · 4 years

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Knucklehead - Part 2

Pairing: Yoongi x OC [From Here & Now]

Genre: Idol!AU; Fluff; Some Angst

Word Count: 14.3k

Warning: Some angst. Some language. Mention of an almost panic attack.

Rating: PG15

Banner Marker: @shadowsremedy

Lovely Beta Reader: @shadowsremedy

Author’s Note: So, this is the second and final part of a two-shot for the Bangtan Scenery ‘April Showers Bring May Flowers’ collab. This is Part One of it.

Summary: Sometimes you have to work a little harder to rebuild what was broken.

Kendall dreaded most of her nightly facetimes with Yoongi and she hated that. But the discomfort and fear that came with them just wouldn’t let up, even when six months had passed since the incident. Even as they both got comfortable with each other again and the guilt eased on either side. There was just this lingering voice in her head that said she needed to be careful before she messed up again. Messed up and really ruined their relationship, which was the last thing she ever wanted and feared she would if she slipped up in the slightest.

That fear was why two hours before every call she went through a checklist of things that needed to be done. She tried to check it as she did each task throughout the day, but sometimes she forgot one or two things. And if something on that list hadn’t been done, she’d do it, so she didn’t have to lie about doing it if he asked or if the conversation led there. Lying would help no one, especially herself.

The night of the last call before she’d see him in person - the first time in three months - was beyond nerve wracking. She’d gotten caught up in work and was left with an hour to get everything checked off. That meant reheating her dinner and finishing it off, doing a quick fifteen-minute workout to compensate for how little she’d been able to leave her desk, and showering.

By the time the call came in she was still working on washing her face and answered just before she could rinse off the face wash.

“Hello?” Yoongi said.

Ken was out of frame which probably confused him, but once she’d dried her face the phone was adjusted so that he could see her.

“Hi,” she said.

Yoongi stared at her for a moment and said nothing, which made her stomach uneasy. But before the nerves could truly settle in, he smiled at her. One of those soft, genuine ones that expressed he was happy in some capacity. It soothed the discomfort that started to brew in her stomach and mind.

“Are you just getting in?” he asked.

Kendall shook her head but didn’t respond right away as she poured toner into her hands to pat into her skin. Once that was done, she turned her attention back to him.

“No, I came back around five. But I took a nap and it lasted longer than I intended it to. Which would’ve been fine if I didn’t wake up to Ara asking for me to do some last-minute edits before she sent off my manuscript. So, I finished that in like two hours, but got so distracted trying to rephrase a sentence that it was later than I intended to finish.”

Every word she said was careful, Kendall didn’t want to risk going on a tangent and saying the wrong thing the wrong way. Even if it were a simple misunderstanding that could be cleared up in seconds, she wanted to avoid it.

But even with how she worded it Yoongi frowned at her.

“Did you eat?”

Kendall nodded; her eyes focused on the mirror in front of her as she applied a vitamin c serum.

“Yes. That’s why I needed the nap and I ate again a little after I woke up.”

She’d hoped it would end there, but of course it didn’t.

“But why so late for lunch?” Yoongi asked.

Without missing a beat, she answered. “I started my day later than usual by waking up at eleven. Breakfast wasn’t eaten until almost noon, so lunch wasn’t eaten until four. Plus, it was a work lunch thing with Marcus, which meant I was going to eat more than I should anyway.”

That left him silent and though it was killing her, Kendall refused to look at her phone again until she finished the rest of her skincare. It gave her time to steel her nerves if he was going to be upset with her.

When she finally did look his gaze was elsewhere and she realized he was talking to someone else. He’d pulled the phone away, so she just simply hadn’t heard him or the other person speaking. And that was much better than him silently being upset with her. Especially since the last time he’d gone that quiet on her was the day before he barely spoke to her for a month.

By the time he started paying attention again she’d moved from the bathroom to the bedroom, snuggled comfortably under her blanket. For a moment he appeared thrown off by the change in scenery, but he bounced back quickly.

“Uh, what were we talking about?” he mumbled, but before she could answer he was talking again. “Oh, yeah. So, you ate. That’s… good.”

The hope that his momentary distraction would bring a subject change was gone and she deflated a little. But she didn’t want him to notice, so she kept her face neutral and nodded. If he caught on, he didn’t say anything about that, just stared at her again with his expression making him appear deep in thought.

It was so freaking awkward, and Kendall didn’t know what to say or do, so she simply turned her attention to flipping through Netflix. It was about a minute or so later that she found something to rewatch and the words to say.

“So, what do you have planned for today?” she asked.

“Uh, we leave for the airport in an hour. They changed our flights last minute, so I’m just working on something until Jin says the van is here. He came over for breakfast.”

“Oh, makes sense,” she mumbled.

Though she’d come up with a question to get things moving her brain hadn’t thought far ahead enough to have another one ready. Thankfully, Yoongi was ready to take control of the conversation.

“Did you finish the season without me? Don’t think I didn’t see Netflix reflect being four episodes ahead and then back again a day later,” he accused.

That took away Kendall’s other worries as she tried to lie her way out of saying she’d binged almost to the end. Watching shows together meant no skipping ahead at all and it was a punishable offense. There was no way she was going to outright admit it, at least not without putting up a fight.

And so, for the rest of their call they talked about that and then a few songs that Yoongi stumbled upon. He thought she’d like them, so he played them, and they listened together, chatting here and there.

Forty-five minutes later Jin came to get Yoongi since their ride was there. Yoongi waved him off and then went to say bye to Kendall.

“I’ll text you before takeoff and when we land, okay?” he said.

Kendall nodded. “I’ll probably be at this work thing when you guys get here, so I’ll see you after or the next day.”

“Okay. I love you.”

“I love you too,” she said.

After throwing her a quick finger heart Yoongi hung up and Kendall was alone with her thoughts. And her thoughts weren’t pretty. They lingered on the memory of his expression when she mentioned how her eating went that day and the one when she brought up the work event she had to attend. It was the same expression he gave her every time eating, rest, or working came into play. The worry was etched strongly into his features and she appreciated that he cared, but she missed not having to see it so much. Not having to see that fear that she wasn’t taking care of herself. Not having to see the lack of trust in her ability to function on a healthy level.

She understood why, but it didn’t make it hurt any less.

The clear lack of faith in her was a dagger to the heart and she couldn’t stop the tears that flowed because of it. It wasn’t surprising though since she often cried herself to sleep after their calls.

The first day and a half of the boys being in California was spent relaxing around the house the company rented for their stay. Usually they’d have schedules almost immediately, but for once they were allowed a bit more freedom. And that freedom meant that they stayed in the house and only left their room’s when someone mentioned a group movie watch.

Yoongi barely wanted to leave his room for that. Kendall had to force him to get up or he would’ve stayed cuddled with her like they had been since she’d arrived. Which she clearly didn’t mind but told him that moving about and interacting with others for a few hours would help with the jet lag a little. Yoongi didn’t agree with that, but he gave in after she gave him several kisses.

That was how she got him to do most things during that day of relaxation. And when the next morning came and she needed to leave for something he required more kisses than either of them could count.

In truth he would’ve let her go after the first two, but then he saw that she was willing to continue giving them until he’d release her, so he got greedy. But after five minutes of being held hostage she broke free and left him all alone. He hoped sleep would come to him again, but after half an hour of nothing he was forced to get up.

After a brief shower and change he stumbled down the stairs to the living room where he found a few of the others loitering around. They were all dressed and looked ready to leave, which confused him.

“Where are you going?” he asked, making his presence known.

Jungkook looked his way first, his eyes widening from their half-closed state from when Yoongi entered the room. The kid looked like he was ready to pass out at any second.

“We’re going out for breakfast, remember?” Jin said.

Yoongi was at a loss because he couldn’t recall that ever being the plan. He’d expected at least half the day spent in the house until their schedule later on. He was ready to say he didn’t remember, but then the memory of Halsey texting Namjoon about going out during the movie came back to him.

“Oops.”

At that Jin rolled his eyes and then his focus went back to his phone. Yoongi joined him on the couch and messed around on his own phone, returning texts, and checking social media. After a few minutes everyone was downstairs and ready to go.

They piled into two separate vans and headed to wherever Halsey had set up the breakfast.

As they went Yoongi’s mind drifted to Kendall. He missed her, but he mostly wondered what she was doing. She hadn’t divulged the details, just said there was some work that she needed to do or something of that nature. Yoongi hoped she ate before she got too busy and planned to text her about it until his attention was drawn elsewhere.

“Did you get a chance to look at the thing I told you about last night?” Hoseok asked Yoongi.

Again, Yoongi was left a little confused before his brain caught up. He really needed coffee or something if he was going to get through the day.

“No,” he said.

At that Hoseok sighed and pulled out his phone. He tapped around for a little while until something was pulled up. Then he handed Yoongi one of his air pods and waited until it was firmly in the elder’s ear before pressing play.

Yoongi sat back and listened, his mind focusing solely on the sounds from the headphones. It was a slow building instrumental and then suddenly there was the injection of Hobi’s usual style when the drop hit. There were some things he’d change, but he liked it. Actually, he loved it and that excitement made him forget that he was going to check on Kendall. He and Hobi dove into a deep discussion about what the goal was for it and a few tweaks that could help it along.

They were so in their own world that everyone had gotten out of the car and it took Jin coming back to knock on the window to get their attention. But that didn’t stop them. Even after they got out of the car, into the restaurant, and greeted Halsey they still were immersed in discussion. They even pulled in Joon at some point and the three of them were huddled in the booth typing things into their phones or writing them down on napkins.

They would’ve remained that way had Jimin not gotten annoyed and slapped the table a little. “Hey! We can’t keep telling the waitress we need more time.”

That gained their attention and a sheepish expression from all of them. After that they turned their attention to the menus and when the waitress showed up again, they were ready to order. Yoongi ordered coffee and the waitress must have seen how much he needed it because she returned with a large mug for him moments later.

With food orders out of the way everyone went into conversation.

“How much do you guys have to do before the Grammys?” Halsey asked.

At that they all groaned.

Namjoon huffed. “We have ten different interviews, performance practice for the Grammys and for another show, some random appearances here and there, plus some music to work on with some producers while we’re here. And let’s not get started about what comes after the awards.”

Halsey grimaced and tried to give some reassuring words, but nothing could be said that would alleviate all the tension they were feeling. Even Yoongi was feeling immense pressure when he usually handled it the best. Or at least appeared to handle it the best.

The more he sat and thought about the schedule Sejin showed them, the more he wished he was back in bed with Kendall again. That was infinitely better than most things, but definitely better than their packed schedule. You’d think that over time he’d get used to BigHit having them work so much, but that was far from the truth.

“Well, you have the parties to look forward to this time. I know you guys plan to go to one or two. And you’re going to the Roc Nation Brunch, right Yoongi?”

He nodded and chewed on his lower lip. The thought of the brunch didn’t ease his nerves, but it did get him to smile a little. He couldn’t help but look forward to going to an event that was bound to have many people whose music he admired.

“Yeah. Kendall decided to go this time and I’m going with her. We have to go see a stylist to finalize some things in a few days,” Yoongi said.

Halsey smiled. “You must be excited. I know a few of your favorite rappers were invited and a few artists you said you’d like to work with. And who want to work with you.”

All Yoongi could do was nod. He felt giddy just thinking about it and refused to be that outwardly happy in public. The place was mostly empty because of security reasons, but that was beside the point.

After he didn’t elaborate, the conversation turned to Halsey’s schedules. She was also performing and presenting at the Grammys, so they’d be seeing a lot of each other.

When the food arrived, silence reigned for a while unless someone had a comment or wanted to try something another person ordered. The more he ate the more Yoongi felt awake and like a functioning human being. Well, that and all the coffee he was consuming. He didn’t go too crazy because it would leave him jittery, but he had enough that he would be wide awake for several hours after the fact.

Just as they were finishing up though, a call brought everyone’s attention to Halsey. She gave a quick apology and walked away to answer it. When she came back, she was rolling her eyes and laughing.

“What?” Jungkook asked.

Halsey shook her head. “Nothing. Ken was calling me to ask about a few words in French because she needed them, and Google was of no help to her.”

Jungkook nodded, but then pursed his lips. “What is she doing anyway? I know I saw her leave the house earlier and she just mentioned she had something to do.”

After downing the rest of her water Halsey answered. “She had a writer’s club thing scheduled for today. They go to some cafe around here that a friend owns and write or brainstorm for a while. I think she said the session was going to be like five hours or so. She’s almost at the climax of her draft and was eager to get it done and over with.”

A weird feeling overtook Yoongi when she said that, but he tried to keep it at bay; he didn’t want to go down that train of thought. Doing that would only be taking two steps back in all the progress he made since the incident. It wasn’t like Kendall was spending all day there and she was with other people. People who were surely responsible enough to know when it was time to call it quits.

He refused to think about the possibilities of her slipping into old habits.

In his attempt to regain control of his thoughts he almost missed the cue to leave as everyone got up. He followed behind in a careful manner and tried to keep his focus on them and what was happening in the moment. There was mention of shopping around for an hour or two which was approved by Sejin. He didn’t need to buy anything or necessarily want to, but he didn’t mind the distraction.

With the plan in place they headed out and got into their respective vans. As they drove down the street a sign caught Yoongi’s attention because the name was familiar, but he came up short on why. It wasn’t really important, so he didn’t try too hard to remember and found his attention moving to the other shops that they passed. A few were brands he was fond of or stores he wanted to check out, which overtook his whole not needing or wanting anything thought from before. If something caught his eye and he didn’t think the price was ridiculous then maybe he’d indulge.

That thinking kept him occupied for a while as they finally exited the cars and started going in and out of stores. Everyone kept the purchases small, except for Hoseok who seemed to find something in almost every store. The man could shop for days. And as always Yoongi indulged him, following him to each store and looking around until he was done.

An hour in as they stopped to grab something to drink at a Starbucks did something click in Yoongi’s head. The name on that sign was familiar because it was the one that Kendall’s friend owned and the place she usually did her gatherings.

And just like that Yoongi’s mind was drifting where it shouldn’t. To all the things that could go wrong if she hadn’t eaten or hydrated or didn’t have her wrist braces. To if she’d been working a lot in the days leading up and if she was on a deadline of any kind that she was hyper-focused on. To the way she looked leading up to the incident. To what she looked like when he’d found her passed out and when she lay unconscious in the hospital.

It drove him up the wall and he unconsciously pulled out his phone and texted her. The message was a simple check-in message, not something out of the ordinary. What was out of the ordinary though was the way he reacted when a few minutes passed and there was no response. There was a series of texts sent.

Yoongi: I just wanted to see if you were busy or we could talk for a second?

Yoongi: Just checking in on you

Yoongi: And I miss you

Yoongi: Hello?

Yoongi: Kendall…

The more he texted without response the more the worry settled into his chest and wouldn’t leave. Yoongi tried to be reasonable, but his brain just kept flashing images of her in the hospital.

That led to him calling her, to which he was also met with no response. Her voicemail said something about being out of touch for a few hours and getting back to the caller later.

That’s when he knew that he was being unreasonable. He knew that he needed to calm down and stop overthinking things. But by the time he’d taken a deep breath and pulled himself together he’d already led Hoseok and their security to a shop that was near the cafe. It was right next door.

When he noticed he stopped in his tracks.

Hoseok bumped into him because of the suddenness and started to grumble until he stood next to Yoongi and saw what he was looking at. From the look on his face it was clear he knew what was happening.

“Just pop in and say hi. Don’t say anything crazy to upset her.” He patted Yoongi on the shoulder and started towards the store with one of the guards.

Upsetting her was the last thing Yoongi wanted, but something about the way Hoseok said it made him feel weird. Like the younger man knew information that he didn’t, but he had no time to think that over. He was in broad daylight and needed to get a move on so not to draw attention.

So, with his guard in tow he walked over to the cafe, took a deep breath, and knocked. It took a few more knocks to get someone to come to the door and when they did it was a woman who looked very annoyed with him. Though the expression vanished after she clearly registered who it was.

“You’re here for Kendall?” she asked.

Yoongi nodded. “Was just coming to see her for a minute.”

The woman nodded and led them farther into the cafe after locking the door. They were instantly met with the stares of everyone who was there, well everyone except Kendall who was still in her own world. She had to have her arm slapped before she pushed her headphones off and paid attention. After glaring at the person who’d hit her, her eyes flitted over to Yoongi and widened.

Without a word she got up and walked over to him. “What are you doing here?”

Yoongi shrugged, trying to play it cool. “We were nearby doing some shopping and I remembered you mentioning this place, so I thought I’d swing by for a second. I missed you.”

That had Kendall narrowing her eyes at him. She grasped his hand and led him over toward the kitchen area of the cafe, directing his guard to take a seat.

Once they were alone, she turned to him with her brow raised. “So, you missed me and were in the area?”

Yoongi continued to try and play it cool, but when his eyes found the slightest things “off” about her he found it a struggle. There were slight bags under her eyes and the way she carried herself just presented this tired exterior. How had he not noticed how tired she was before?

After he realized he’d remained silent for too long he shook his head and cleared his throat. “Yeah, like I said we were around and as we were walking, we came this way and I thought I’d come see you while Hobi checked out his twentieth store.”

It took a moment, but then Kendall’s face relaxed as did her body. The defensive stance she took left her and Yoongi felt relieved that she was no longer seeing through him. She opened her mouth to speak, but instead ended up covering up a long yawn. That sent Yoongi into overdrive and though he was still careful he had to say something.

“You seem tired, baby. You sure you don’t need a nap?” he joked.

Kendall laughed, but was cut off by yet another yawn. Once that one was done, she groaned. “Maybe, I do.”

Yoongi thought that was a great opening. “How about you come take one with me?”

The thing was he miscalculated when the right time to say something like that was. Kendall froze after that and her defenses went back up. Yoongi watched as she went from calm to basically glaring at him.

He messed up.

Kendall took a deep breath before speaking. “I didn’t tell you what I was doing today or where I’d be. Meaning you heard it from Hals, which is fine it’s not like I was keeping a secret and I know you all were together when I called. So, none of that is a problem. And I didn’t make a fuss about you coming and disturbing this whole writing thing, something you know not to do unless it’s an emergency, because I missed you and hated having to leave this morning. So also, not a problem. But what is becoming a problem is you here lying to my face. So, tell me why you’re here, Yoongi.”

Yoongi was conflicted and wanted to play it off but lying to her would do more damage and he didn’t want that. Especially not in a place that wasn’t private where they could work out his brief moment of stupidity.

“We were in the area and that is why I came by. I wanted to check in on you. Make sure things were going okay and that you weren…”

She cut him off. “That I wasn’t pushing myself too hard?”

Shame filled him, but he nodded his head.

What he expected was for her to rant and rave about how tired she was of him doing that or being offended, but what he got instead were glossy eyes. He wanted to console her, but he didn’t know what to say or do. He felt out of his element.

“I haven’t properly written in two weeks because I had other work and didn’t want to overextend myself. Any writing I have done was edits here and there for Ara or just me taking a moment to go through the manuscript because I had down time. These next few weeks are crazy for me since everyone comes into town for the awards and I run around to see friends or enjoy sessions. This day was one of the few I was taking to sit and actually put words down. To make progress so I don’t feel shitty when things mellow out and I have more time to do things like write. And to hang out with friends I haven’t had the chance to see much of,” she said.

As she spoke Yoongi watched as her eyes became glossier and finally a tear or two slipped from them. Her voice also grew softer, and each word made her sound so disconnected from what she was saying. It broke his heart.

“Kendall,” he said, stepping closer to wipe the tears from her face.

Shaking her head, she took several steps back and used the sleeve of her - well his - sweater to get rid of the tears herself.

“You should go,” she said.

He wanted to comfort her, to apologize, but it wasn’t the right place and he’d already done enough. Nodding, he whispered a brief see you later and I love you before turning to leave. He didn’t even say anything as he went, just inclined his head so the guard would follow and left the cafe.

Hoseok emerged from the store seconds after and after one look at Yoongi’s face shook his head. Without a word they walked back to where the van waited for them.

Avoiding Yoongi was what Kendall wanted to do, but of course it was the one time one of his visits to California meant they’d be seeing a lot of each other. The boys had jam pack schedules that took them all over the city and some of those included pre-Grammy events. And Kendall was forced to go to those for networking purposes and sometimes solely to be some sort of representative for her company since most of the producers there were freelance.

So, after two days of dry text responses and refusing to go where he was, she was forced in the same room as him. Which would’ve been fine if she could ignore him the entire time or maintain her indifference, but they were in a public space. The slightest hint of trouble in paradise led to everyone and their mama knowing and having something to say about it. She’d already seen how people got after they’d both been having a bad day and didn’t seem particularly fond of anyone, let alone each other. Everyone was ready to hear that they’d broken up or something.

No one wanted that, so she’d had to suck it up and relinquish the hurt that she felt. It was hard, but she prepared herself mentally for it. That and the reminder that she only had to stay for a few hours and would be forced to mingle helped. The more talking to others the less time spent in his presence or so she hoped.

When she arrived at the event - an hour after it started - everything was in full swing. People had drinks and were talking to everyone and anyone they could cling to. It made her want to leave right that second, but she had an obligation; so, she grabbed a drink and allowed herself to be whisked away by the first person who approached her.

Thankfully, luck was on her side. The first person to grab her was an acquaintance she’d made while working on a song for a Bruno Mars album. She’d enjoyed their presence and they kept in touch some. He brought her over to a group of his friends - newer producers - and she hit it off with them instantly. They talked about themselves and projects they’d worked on. Two of them wanted to break into producing for international music and asked her how she’d gotten into working with K-pop artists on stuff.

The conversation was so nice that she’d pushed away her thoughts of worry and sadness, it held her focus. Though it only lasted an hour.

“Why are they staring at them like that?” Jess, one of the producers, asked.

That caused Kendall to pause mid-sentence to follow her gaze. Once she found what held her attention the feelings came flooding back to her, but they were quickly overshadowed by different ones. Off in the distance all the boys stood or sat around a table with one or two of their friends. But all around them clusters of people talked amongst each other but stared the boys down in a way that was uncomfortable on several levels.

Of course, there couldn’t be at one event they went to that people weren’t on their bullshit. They just didn’t know how to interact like normal humans, as if any of the boys would bite them or something.

Kendall turned back to the group, but they were already shooing her away. She reminded herself to get their contact info before she left the event and then made her way over to where the guys were.

As she walked over heads turned in her direction, but as soon as she made eye contact with those people they looked away and put some distance between the guys and themselves. It pleased her that they still remembered she’d come for anyone who did or said anything that upset any of them and she wouldn’t pull her punches.

And her glare was so effective that as she got closer to the boys everyone’s attention was actually focused on who they were talking to.

Once she reached the table, she greeted them all, but moved to Yoongi’s side immediately. They weren’t people known for large displays of public affection, but when out together they remained close. So, when she walked up, he laced his fingers in hers as soon as she reached for his hand and they smiled at each other.

The smiles were forced, but not necessarily fake. At least on Kendall’s end. She had a reason to smile, she was amongst friends and just left a wonderful conversation, but there were also reasons to not be that into it. First, she’d had to come and put a stop to people making the boys feel awkward. Second, as she noted that people weren’t blatantly staring or gossiping the hurt bubbled back up.

Maintaining eye contact with Yoongi long enough that she didn’t seem to be dodging his gaze was hard, but she managed it. When that awkward situation was done, she turned her attention to everyone else.

“How long have you guys been here?” she asked.

Namjoon glanced down at his watch. “A little after they started. Sejin wanted us to get here earlier to make sure we talked to somebody. That happened in the first ten minutes and now we’re just here for a while.”

Kendall nodded.

“How about you?” Jungkook asked.

“Oh, I was an hour late.”

At that they all rolled their eyes and she heard a few murmurs about how she was lucky she could just show up whenever. It made her laugh that they envied her when they were all at the event against their will for longer than they wanted to be.

After that small talk they all dove into discussing something Namjoon read and thought everyone else should read too. It was hard to tell him no when he was so passionate about something, so they all let him talk up the book. Kendall had to admit by the time he finished she planned to at least look it up.

But even as she attempted to give him most of her attention her gaze and mind continued to wander towards Yoongi. He was also listening intently, but every so often he’d glance her way with something that could’ve been akin to longing. And she wanted to give in but then her mind flashed back to two days before. The worry on his face and the way he’d tried to find a roundabout way to get her to leave her session early. But most of all the lack of trust in her being able to take care of herself. That hurt the most and though a part of her deemed it a valid worry of his, it didn’t take away the fact that she wasn’t okay with it and was upset. And no matter how much she reasoned with herself she couldn’t look past that. She couldn’t bring herself to talk it out either. Not yet.

And if forced to spend more time in that set up she would’ve bought the book Namjoon was talking about and given into Yoongi. But she was saved by the clearing of a throat into a mic. Everyone’s attention moved to the makeshift stage near the bar, watching and listening intently as the host introduced themselves. From there a few speakers went up and there was a newer artist who was nominated for a Grammy who performed. Kendall really liked their sound and made a mental note to check out more of their work.

After about an hour and a half of that everyone went back to conversing amongst themselves, but the crowd had seemingly grown. People were much closer to the group then they were before, and they seemed to be trying to talk to the boys more. Kendall wasn’t even the focus and she was overwhelmed, so she couldn’t imagine how they felt about it.

That is until she felt a hard squeeze to her hand. Glancing up she noted that Yoongi was nodding along to whatever the man in front of him was saying, but his body was tense. And from the way he grimaced every so often she could tell he wasn’t okay.

Too many people around with focus on him in a space he wasn’t comfortable in wasn’t a good combination. It led to small attacks and she wanted to avoid those.

Kendall had to interject.

Putting on a small smile she turned her attention to the man talking. “I’m sorry. I need to borrow him for a moment. So, if you would excuse us.”

There was no waiting for a response from him, she merely used their interlocked fingers to pull Yoongi away from the table and the crowd. As they went, she made eye contact with Sejin who nodded in understanding, but she didn’t stop walking until they were out of the main hall and inside an empty supply closet.

Once inside she turned so she was facing him, releasing his hand so both of hers could cup his face. He didn’t look at her at first, his eyes closed and his chest moving rapidly as he regulated his breathing. That hurt her heart and she felt the frustration brewing, but she kept it at bay. Leaning forward she pressed her forehead to his and her eyes fluttered shut. She started breathing deep and slow, her fingers caressing his cheeks. After a few seconds, his breathing matched hers and once she felt he was calm her eyes opened.

The second hers were open so were his. There was still a strong sense of unease in his expression, but he no longer looked on the verge of an attack. It gave her some relief.

“You okay?” she asked softly.

Yoongi nodded.

“Yoon. Are you sure you’re okay?”

Again, his eyes closed, and she was worried he was slipping into an attack, but when he opened them again, he appeared more at peace.

“I promise, baby,” he said, his voice scratchy.

She nodded, softly chewing on her lower lip for a moment.

“Do you want to leave? We can tell Sejin and I’m sure the boys are looking for an excuse to escape.”

“Please,” he said.

That was all Kendall needed before she was pulling out her phone. To her surprise Namjoon had already texted to say they were leaving and would head to where they were staying before meeting at her apartment. Yoongi had clothes at her place so there was no need for him to go back with them.

“They’re already gone. Is going back to mine okay?” she asked.

Yoongi opened his mouth to speak, but then he just nodded again. He was still clearly fighting off the effects of what almost happened.

Kendall wanted him out of there as soon as possible. So, she pressed a kiss to his nose and then grabbed his hand, leading them out to her car. And even after they had to let go of each other to get in, their hands found each other again once secured inside. She drove with their fingers intertwined, allowing Yoongi to use her hand as a distraction.

When they arrived at the apartment, she grabbed some things and took a shower in the guest bathroom. She wanted to stick to Yoongi’s side, but she also knew he needed some time to himself. No matter how much having people around helped a moment to collect yourself and work through it always helped more.

About half an hour after their arrival the boys showed up with food and Yoongi emerged from her bedroom swathed in a large hoodie and a pair of sweatpants. He didn’t say much of anything and no one pushed him to. They all ate their dinner in a comfortable silence while watching something Taehyung choose on the TV.

Though Kendall thought the night would remain calm the boys chose to play some video games and Mario Kart and Smash Bros got them real competitive. It was amusing to watch, but it made her happy because it’s what brought Yoongi out of his shell and got him to smile a little.

However, after three hours and them still going strong Kendall felt tired. No matter how much she tried her eyes wouldn’t remain open and it was time to throw in the towel.

She carefully got off the couch, catching none of their attention, and moved toward her bedroom. Before she disappeared though she turned around and clapped loudly, gaining everyone’s focus, and making someone lose.

“I’m going to bed. You can stay or you can go. You all know that I don’t care, and the extra blankets and pillows are where they always are.”

At that they nodded and refocused their attention on starting up the game. And Kendall made it to her bedroom, pushing back her blanket and once laid out she allowed it to consume her.

As she laid there and listened to the boys’ yell, she hoped it would be the thing to lull her to sleep, but nothing came. Her mind wandered, several subjects coming to the forefront as she dodged the one thing that was the real reason she was still up. It was persistent, always finding a way to weave itself into something else she was thinking about. After some time, it reached a point where she was in tears because she couldn’t shake it.

That vulnerability was all it needed to strike.

Her thoughts were the same every night. How life was so stressful and how she still felt in that weird limbo with Yoongi. And the recent incident didn’t help her at all. It made her feel like she was farther away from fixing things fully than she actually was. Made her think that Yoongi would never trust her in that aspect of her life ever again. And reminded her of how she’d failed herself in not seeing the signs of her downfall. Her therapist said that she couldn’t blame herself for that and she agreed with her, but that didn’t stop the thoughts from surfacing.

It was all too much and before she knew it all it took was the soft shouting of Yoongi to send her into a full-on sob. She wished she could stop it, but all that she could manage was maintaining her silence.

Kendall didn’t know how long she laid there crying to herself or when the boys stopped yelling at each other. The next time she became aware of anything besides what was going on in her head was when the bed dipped, and she was pulled into a chest.

Yoongi whispered softly that it was okay and that he was there while wiping her tears away. She wasn’t very present, but she heard him sniffle and that’s when the dam broke a little more. It wasn’t long before she felt tears that weren’t from her.

They both laid there and cried until sleep claimed them.

The next morning Yoongi woke up in the bed alone and tucked in. When he finally had the energy to venture out, he found Kendall in the kitchen with Jin preparing breakfast. They were in their own little world and he didn’t dare disturb that, even if he did have questions about how he’d found her the night before.

He greeted them, made his coffee, and found the other boys in the living room. They all appeared as disheveled as he felt, so the room plummeted into silence after brief good mornings were uttered. Everyone focused on the TV playing some show in front of them, but it didn’t really hold their attention. Or at least it didn’t hold Yoongi’s attention much.

After waking up Yoongi was always a bit out of it for a while, even as he functioned as if he were wide awake. It took some time - and some coffee - to get him to a point where things felt not so distorted. Food also helped, and thankfully after the second failed attempt to keep his eyes open it was done and being brought into the living room. It was the usual location for them to eat despite Kendall having a perfectly comfortable dining area.

Eating was also a silent affair. There was a little talking occasionally, but it was mostly asking someone to pass something here or there. But there was nothing off about that kind of thing, the combination of food and just waking up was reason enough to not want to speak to each other. Plus it wasn’t like the silence left things awkward, they’d all grown comfortable enough with each other to just simply be in each other’s presence sometimes.

By the time they finished everyone was much livelier and seemed ready to start the day. At that point they prepped to rotate taking showers to get ready for the day. Some of the boys had separate things they wanted to do and Sejin apparently dropped some stuff off for them, so they didn’t have to leave to get ready.

Yoongi jumped into the shower while Kendall and Jin cleaned the dishes - something they insisted on. By the time he stepped out of it his mind was cleared and he only had one thought in his head. Why was Kendall crying? He feared there was something wrong that she hadn’t told him about. But he also feared that he’d been the cause of her tears. There was no clear way for him to know which one scared him more.

It didn’t matter though, he needed to know what was wrong so he could possibly help someway. Knowing that he was maybe the cause was better than not knowing at all. Especially if it wasn’t the first time it occurred.

So, when Kendall walked into the room moments after he finished getting dressed, he opened his mouth to speak, but didn’t get the chance.

“Goodness, I feel like I sweated through every orifice of my body last night. I definitely need to shower again,” she said dramatically, already pulling off her clothes.

That made him pause and smile a little at her behavior. It halted his thoughts of saying something long enough that just as he attempted to speak again, she was already cutting him off.

“I’m going to take a quick shower. But Max said he was coming a little earlier and since we all slept in, he should be here soon. Can you make sure someone lets him up?” she asked, turning to look at him for the first time since she entered.

Yoongi knew that was his moment to say it, but then his brain short circuited seeing her naked like that and that momentary lapse told him he wasn’t ready for that conversation yet. He wouldn’t be reacting like some kid seeing his first boob if his brain wasn’t looking for something else to focus on so he could avoid the crying.

He nodded.

Kendall smiled and gave him a thumbs up before skipping into the bathroom. Once the door was closed Yoongi fell back onto the bed and groaned. Of course, he froze up just as he almost did it. Of course, his mind drifted elsewhere. All he’d done for the last few months was struggle with getting to the point with her and things were suffering because of it. He thought he’d gotten better, but obviously not back to normal.

He hated the weird place they were in.

There was no stewing in his annoyance for long though, he needed to keep a lookout for Max. Raising from the bed, he grabbed his phone and shuffled out to the living room. Taehyung, Jimin, and Namjoon were laid out on the couch and focused on their phones. All of them in a fresh pair of clothes and slightly damp hair.

“What are you guys doing?” Namjoon asked once Yoongi took a seat.

Taehyung and Jimin said they were going to see a few museums or something. Once they finished Yoongi muttered about going to a studio with Kendall, Max, and a few others.

Namjoon perked up at that. “Can I come?”

His suddenness startled Yoongi who glanced over at him with a raised brow. “I thought you were going with the other three?”

At that Namjoon simply shrugged. “We were going to go out a little far out to get some pictures and just relax, but I kind of want to go to the studio. Even if it’s just sitting there and hanging out versus doing anything productive.”

Yoongi could get that. “Yeah, I’m sure that’s fine. It was us all just catching up and messing around anyway. It’s one of those rare times everyone is in the same place so we can meet up and meet people.”

Namjoon smiled at that and got up heading towards the guest bedroom. Yoongi could hear him tell the others he was abandoning them with a whole of excitement. He was sure if the younger man didn’t specify what he was leaving for they’d be offended.

In his absence Max showed up and Yoongi let him in. They greeted each other with the same friendly fondness that they always did. And as usual they dove into their own world after Max said hello to the others. The conversation was focused on catching up and what they were up to. They both were very over all the things they had to show up for during the days leading up to the Grammys. Every event was basically the same and they’d much prefer chilling or doing something that they wanted to.

“So, you’re going to the Roc Nation Brunch?” Max asked.

Yoongi nodded. “Yeah, Kendall doesn’t want to go alone.”

“And you also really want to go and see who you can meet,” Max said, seeing right through him.

Yoongi laughed and rubbed the back of his neck. Of course, everyone saw through his whole thing about just going for Kendall. He was going for that reason, but he wasn’t going to deny that he was excited to be amongst people he looked up to all his life or admired. Even if nothing came of it, he'd still have a good time being there.

Before he could verbalize anything though Kendall emerged from the bedroom dressed and hair up in a bun. She smiled at Max and waved before venturing down to the guest bedroom. Her head peaked in and Yoongi faintly heard her say that Jungkook could shower in her room.

When she returned, her and Max went into conversation while Yoongi’s attention was drawn in by Namjoon showing him something. And they all stayed like that until Jin, Hoseok, and Jungkook were dressed and ready to go. After Sejin confirmed he was waiting for them they headed down, but just as they reached the elevators Hoseok paused.

“I think I forgot my charger,” he said.

Kendall was already in the elevator and stepped out, but Hoseok waved her off.

“You guys go down. Yoongi can open the door for me, right?”

For a moment Kendall appeared confused, but then she simply nodded and stepped back in. Yoongi was just outside the doors so he simply turned and led Hoseok back towards the apartment.

Once they were inside, he expected him to go look for the thing, but Hoseok merely turned to face him, his lips in a deep-set frown.

“What?” Yoongi asked, both confused and worried.

A second or two passed and Hoseok said nothing, which was horrible on Yoongi’s nerves. But before he could ask again, he started talking.

“I’m guessing you found her crying or looking like she cried herself to sleep last night?” he asked, though it sounded more like a statement.

That made Yoongi freeze. How the hell he knew about her crying was beyond him, but it made him feel even worse that his friend knew what the heck was going on, but Yoongi was clueless. Had Kendall told him what was wrong, or did he find out by chance? Yoongi really needed to know.

“Ho...” Yoongi started.

“The month you were being an ass I had to come here for work remember? I had a hotel room but I mostly stayed here and the first night after we watched a movie she went to bed a little early. She must have forgot I was there or was just too distraught to stop herself, but she cried then too. I went to check on her when it lasted for several minutes and found her full on sobbing in bed. Once I got her calm I asked her about it. And even then she cried every night after. Now did she cry or not?”

Hearing that made Yoongi’s chest tight and his breathing a little labored. He wanted to ask more, but he couldn’t find the words and Hoseok was awaiting an answer. Not trusting his voice Yoongi nodded.

Hoseok chewed on his lower lip for a second before sighing. “Okay, so I’m not supposed to tell you and I technically won’t, but you two need to talk. Of course, you need to discuss what happened a few days ago, but you also need to bring up the crying. You have to do it tonight, okay? This crap can’t be held off any longer or it’s only going to get worse.”

The urgency in Hoseok’s voice made Yoongi’s stomach churn. He really needed to know what the hell happened, but he knew that only one person could give him those answers and it would be wrong to press someone else for them.

“Okay,” Yoongi said when he finally found his voice.

After staring at him for a while Hoseok nodded and they left the apartment. Their descent was made in silence and Yoongi tried to keep his expression as blank as would be considered normal, he couldn’t look upset or like he was trying too hard to look fine. Kendall or Namjoon would pick up on things and he didn’t need that.

But once he got into Max’s car Namjoon glanced at him once and it was like he saw right through him. Yoongi gave him a look that relayed to not ask question and Namjoon’s mouth clamp shut into a firm line. Thankfully though Kendall was too focused on a call to glance his way longer than a second so she couldn’t scrutinize him.

Once he was settled, Max pulled off and they made their way to the studio. It was a quick trip and soon enough Yoongi didn’t have to worry about Kendall possibly catching on because she was wrapped up in everything else.

Her distraction led to Yoongi watching her closely. Of course, he was in the conversation and actively enjoying himself, but he also took into account everything that she did. The way she slowly became more comfortable and how she smiled. It was wider and much more genuine than he’d seen in a while. Everything about her was much freer than he’d seen her in what felt like forever and that was a punch to the gut.

That realization dampened his mood and made the last two hours of their session a bit hard to bear. He kept up with conversation and even took over the computer to add on a suggestion of his, but he was no longer as excited to be there.

In fact, Yoongi was anxious to leave.

Around six they were picked up in a van with the other boys and went out for a quick dinner. Yoongi was sure that Hoseok let the others know that he and Kendall needed some time alone if the way they inhaled their food was any indication.

But things couldn’t go that smoothly.

Just as Yoongi was going to say he was going back with Kendall, Sejin said they needed to have a meeting at the house. Of course, he didn’t know how long it would be, so having Kendall wait for them was unreasonable.

Another stop to his plans.

They parted ways and Yoongi all but shouted the meeting needed to happen the second they stepped into the door. It shocked no one - except maybe Sejin - and they got right to it. The subject was just about how the next few days would ramp up and they’d have the morning off the next day, but that evening was meant for some interviews and more practice.

The moment that was finished Yoongi was already out of the house and hopping into the car that stayed behind. The staff member driving knew where to take him without a word. And for the twenty-minute drive he sat with his leg bouncing and chewing on the tip of his nail.

Once at the building he all but ran inside, throwing a quick thank you over his shoulder. He spent the entire elevator ride trying to find the right words to say and when the doors opened, he was so sure of himself. However, once he got inside his nerves hit. It wasn’t that he’d lost his edge, but he heard something that sounded like whimpering.

He was right that it was a regular occurrence.

Yoongi steeled himself and made his way to the bedroom. He didn’t want to rush in and startle her too much, so he took his time pushing the door open and making his way to her side. He crawled into the bed and pulled back the cover from her head.

Kendall looked surprised, but it was clearly pushed aside as she tried to rid herself of the tears. It didn’t change that her eyes were bloodshot and her hands shaky.

“What are you doing here?” she asked, her voice cracking.

Yoongi wanted to simply comfort her and tell her it would be okay, but he didn’t fully know what was going on. And without knowing and talking things through he couldn’t promise things like that.

“Baby, we need to talk,” he said, hoping the term of endearment would soothe any worries about what he planned to say.

There was no obvious reaction to it, though he did feel her stiffen a little. For a second, he thought she’d change the subject, but after a deep breath she nodded.

Carefully he moved both of them into a sitting position. She had her back against the headboard with her legs crossed and he sat opposite her, his hands taking in hers.

Several minutes passed in silence. Yoongi knew she needed a minute and refused to push her. He wanted their conversation to go by smoothly and that meant being hyper aware of how either of them felt before saying anything.

A hand squeeze was the signal for him to proceed.

“How about we start with why I found you crying two nights in a row,” he said softly.

That made her clam up a bit, but Yoongi squeezed her hands on and off to comfort her. After a few seconds she physically relaxed and took a deep breath.

“I haven’t... I…” More squeezes of reassurance and she worked through it. “It felt like the world crumbled down around us the moment we came back from the hospital. I knew I’d messed up and that it would take some time to rebuild things, but I don’t know at what point the rebuilding is complete. I don’t know when I can finally relax and not feel like something I say or do that leans slightly into not so healthy territory will upset you. Of course, I’m making a strong effort to be better for myself above anything else, but some things just can’t be helped. Sometimes I’m going to work a little too hard or skip a meal solely because I’m not hungry.

“But when is it the time that I can do that without feeling like I’m letting you down, Yoongi? When do I get to stop feeling like that, you’re five seconds away from shutting down and cutting me out for a month again? I get it and I understand that this is a lot on you and you’re still working through some of it yourself, but when does it stop? Does it ever? Or are we stuck in this infinite loop of me fearing the wrong move will completely destroy our relationship just like I thought it would after it happened?”

Halfway through her mini rant Kendall started crying again. She tried to hold them back, but it was clear that she knew it was a losing battle. So Yoongi watched them flow down her cheeks. He watched as her voice broke and she became distraught. He watched as the thick wall that had still been between them started to crack a little.

And he hated it.

Yoongi hated that it took six months before they could get to a point where everything was finally laid out. He hated it because he knew how much of it was his own fault. Kendall wanted to talk about it once he’d stopped giving her the cold shoulder, but he thought a slow approach was best. And when everything was normal-ish, he was sure he’d worked through the urge to react a little aggressively when she seemed to slip into the habits that landed her in the hospital.

His behavior was hypocritical. While she lived in fear she’d do something to set him off, he continued his habits every so often and sometimes even brushed off her concern. It was truly messed up.

At some point he was so in his head thinking about how he’d messed up that he almost forgot that the love of his life was across from him crying and waiting for a response.

Taking a deep breath Yoongi glanced up and stared into her eyes. It broke his heart to see how watery they were, but he needed to get through it and not just jump to comforting her. There would be nothing else to get him off track.

“I know this hasn’t been easy. It’s sucked hard the last few months and I know it wasn’t handled the best. I worked through my emotions and didn’t think we needed to go further than the progress we’d made. I sat blind to the fact that I was still clinging to the fear and making it hard for you to be free with me. To say what you want without worry about me being upset. And for that I’m really sorry. I’m so fucking sorry, Kendall. And I have to apologize for the way I stormed into your writing session. I let my worries overtake me instead of trusting you, which is shitty. I trust you with all that I am, and I never want you to think I don’t. And I promise to make sure that I don’t make you feel that way again.

“From now on we are going to be our normal selves. There are going to be moments where we push a little too hard or slip up, but I know neither of us will go through what happened again. I’ll stop the weirdness and if I slip up please let me know. I will not be upset if you call me on my bullshit. Okay?”

Since she was still crying, she couldn’t speak so she just nodded.

With that out of the way Yoongi finally pulled her into him. With the force they fell back onto the bed, but he didn’t mind at all. His arms wrapped around her waist and he pressed kisses all over her face. After a while she giggled and tried to get him to stop. However, Yoongi refused to let up and at some point she ended up pinned underneath him.

Once he had enough of being jabbed in the side, he stopped but didn’t move from where he was straddling her. His eyes softened and his hands reached to caress her face. He felt nothing but affection course through him as he stared at her. The smile on her face was radiant and it was the first time in months she looked at him that way.

“I love you,” he said.

That only made her smile shine brighter. “I love you too.”

After their talk and another brief conversation things got better. Kendall felt she could be much freer in what she did or said around Yoongi and he felt a weight lift from his shoulders. They were busy so there wasn’t a lot of time spent together, but any time that was in each other’s presence could be described in one word.

Disgusting.

At least to everyone who had to be in their presence.

They were so free that their affection and love were always present. If they weren’t kissing, they were cuddling. And if cuddling was out of the question, they were holding hands or linking pinkies. It was as if they were forgoing their usual not so intense public affection to make up for lost time. And if they didn’t have any shame - which it never felt like they did - they’d probably end up dry humping each other on the couch during movie night. Everyone was thankful it never came to that.

Kendall was very aware of how their behavior was affecting everyone, but she didn’t care all that much. At some point she planned to scale it back to normal, but for the time being she thought it was fine for them to just deal with it. Especially since they weren’t as bad as Jimin and that girl he dated for six months. The thought of the compromising positions she’d found them in would forever send a chill down her spine.

But she could admit they were maybe overdoing it after it taking five minutes for them to part ways and get ready for the brunch. They had to be dragged apart and pulled from the bedroom so they could start the day. It was kind of funny, but also a little cringy. Though she’d take that over non-stop tension any day.

Their separation wasn’t for long though. After a little over an hour of hair and make-up they met in the kitchen, both grabbing a snack. Yoongi was almost fully dressed. He wore olive green slacks and a white button up. His gray hair was styled to where it covered most of his forehead, but there was a small part near the center. He looked good and his pants made his butt pop a little. Though it was still no match for Kendall’s. She wore a dress of the same color. It was off the shoulder with flowy sleeves and though the material of the top hung a little loose the skirt of it was tight. It met and molded with every curve she had.

Yoongi surely appreciated it.

“Stop staring at my butt, please and thank you,” she muttered after downing a glass of water.

“That’s not going to happen,” Yoongi muttered.

Turning to face him fully she took away his view, which led to him pouting at her. While it was a little adorable, she couldn’t forget that the reason he was pouting was because he couldn’t be a perv.

Moving closer her arms wrapped around his neck and she leaned her head on his shoulder. There were some complaints about her curls getting into his mouth, but he wrapped his arms around her waist and placed a kiss on her bare shoulder.

“You look good, love,” Kendall muttered.

“So, do you,” he replied.

Kendall’s eyes fluttered closed after that and she just stayed like that. Being wrapped in his arms was nice and she never wanted to leave them if she could help it. But obviously that wasn’t allowed.

“I told you five minutes to grab a snack. You’re not going to be upset with me because I didn’t have the time to add some extra touches to your hair,” Kendall’s stylist, Michelle, said.

Holding back a laugh Kendall pulled away from Yoongi and winked before following behind the woman. She wasn’t really annoyed with her but testing her was also not the best idea; she could get mean.

The next time they saw each other was in the car taking them to the event. They were running a little behind, but neither of them cared much. They were definitely not going to be the last ones to get there.

“I had a feeling you’d choose those,” he commented as they got out of the car to make their entrance.

At first Kendall was confused, but then she noticed his head incline towards her shoes. She’d chosen a pair with a thicker heel since Michelle wouldn’t allow her to wear flats or fashionable sneakers.

She scoffed and pressed closer to him as his arm wrapped around her waist.

“Of course. Do you want to have to massage my feet so they feel better after that torture?” she asked.

Then it was Yoongi’s turn to scoff. “As if you’re not going to make me after you wear those.”

They were on the carpet where photos would be taken by then but it didn’t stop her from lightly swatting at him.

“Don’t act like you don’t volunteer half of the time.”

“Don’t act like I don’t volunteer in order to maybe get something out of it,” he retorted.

Her instinct was to keep going, but she merely laughed at him. He wasn’t wrong per se. It took a moment for them to come out of their own little world and realize there were cameras pointed at them. They quickly got it together and took one too many pictures.

From there it was full steam ahead. They entered the party and were immersed in people. They were saying hi to acquaintances, catching up and hanging out with friends, and interacting with people they hadn’t before. At some point there was a brief conversation with Jay-Z and Beyoncé before Jay Park swooped up and pulled Kendall’s attention.

But no matter who they were talking to both were glued to each other’s side. Yoongi would be having a completely different conversation with a different set of people then Kendall and still had their fingers laced. And when they weren’t too focused on anything they were practically cuddled together and happy in their own space.

A few hours of drinks and conversation made them want to go home though. So, despite the promise to stay a little longer they made their exit and headed home. Though there were a few quick stops for food and things.

Once at Kendall's apartment they got ready for bed and then proceeded to struggle to make a fort in the living room for thirty minutes. The entire time was spent yelling after the sheets collapsed on them and laughter when they accidentally crashed into each other because they couldn’t see. In retrospect they should’ve used more than light from the TV and a lamp to do it.

When they’d finally finished the fort, got the coffee table moved, retrieved way too many pillows and blankets, and set their snacks out they finally got comfortable. They cuddled close and turned their focus to the TV.

Yoongi was in charge of picking what they watched since Kendall didn’t care much and he was clearly struggling. Kendall was going to offer some help but then his head turned to her and in a second his lips were on hers. Though shocked she returned the kiss, pressing even closer to keep it going.

A minute or so later Yoongi pulled away and smiled at her.

“I love you,” he said.

“I love you too,” she said without hesitation.

For a little while they stared at each other and said nothing. They didn’t need to though. Basking in each other was enough for that moment.

Who knows how long it took before they looked away from each other, but when they did Kendall felt a flurry of butterflies in her stomach and everything seemed right with the world for once.

“Veronica Mars rewatch?” he asked.

Kendall nodded.

“Veronica Mars rewatch!” she screamed.

That made Yoongi laugh and shake his head, but he was already pressing play on the first episode of season one.

The day of the Grammys started much like the day of the brunch. Neither of them wanted to leave the bed, but they needed to start the day. Kendall had a thing or two to do before she got ready and since the boys were performing, they had to do a few more run-throughs.

It was tough, but they started their days on a high note and were ready to end it on that too. Yoongi came into practice focused and ready to get things done. He wanted things to go smoothly and for them to leave an impression. And with the set they were performing they were sure to do so.

Practice lasted for a few hours. It was briefly done in their own little room, but for most of it they were on the stage. It went well, though there were a few tweaks here and there as they looked back on what they did. Thankfully, nothing major was wrong and all of them were in the right state of health to go on.

When everything was done, they headed back to the house to shower, eat, and get ready. Since there were enough bathrooms for all of them there was no waiting, which Yoongi was eternally grateful for. He did not smell his best and his muscles were a little sore from use. Showering helped with that and gave him the time to breathe.

Once finished and dressed in loose clothing he went down to the kitchen to grab some of the food, which he devoured faster than usual. Which wasn’t good since it merely increased the tired feeling he’d been ignoring and hoping would go away. But he was in luck. They’d wrapped things up quickly enough that there was time for him to take a nap.

That isn’t what he did once his body hit the bed though. Sleep was on his mind, but it was quickly overshadowed by Kendall. He’d texted her earlier, but she hadn’t gotten back to him, which bothered him. And surprisingly it wasn’t because he was worried, but because he was being a pouty baby about being ignored. He debated blowing up her phone just to get on her nerves, but then remembered she had a lot to do and she was feeling extremely nervous about the night.

Yoongi understood that though, it was going to be nerve wracking. The boys were performing and up for an award. Which would be fine, but then Yoongi was also up for Producer of the Year Non-classical. He and Kendall were up for it together. If they were both separate entries it would be one thing, but they shared the possibility of winning and that made him want it more. He thought she deserved to win, and he wanted to win for himself.

At some point he got so in his head that he didn’t even realize he’d drifted off. It was like even in his sleep his mind was only focused on that. Which meant the nap helped, but his thoughts running meant that he didn’t get the full affect. When Hoseok shook him awake all he could do was groan and wish he was asleep again.

But alas he had to get his behind in gear. So, he downed some coffee and let the staff take over from there. His outfit was handed to him and he changed into it before coming back out for his hair and make-up to be done. It was going to be a simple look make-up wise and changed up a little for the performance. And his hair was styled over his forehead, but there was some waviness to it.

After two hours of everyone getting ready, they headed out again. Yoongi could feel his nerves ramp up and the energy in the car was also very uneasy. There was excitement too, but that just made things worse. And when they arrived, he felt like he was going to vomit. It took some deep breaths and a quick pep talk from Joon to get them all to normal levels of nervous.

With a calmer state of mind Yoongi stepped out of the car, only moving far enough so the others could get out too. The picture taking was almost immediate and Yoongi steeled him so as soon as he heard the first click. Once Namjoon was out he took the lead and led them inside and onto the carpet. They stopped for several photos and a few quick interviews, which were basically just the same questions over and over again.

It wasn’t until about five minutes into being on the carpet that something caught Yoongi’s interest. From the corner of his eye he saw a flash of purple enter the carpet and only pause for about thirty seconds before moving along. He knew who it was before his head even fully turned.

Kendall was in a long lilac dress that had two slits up to the middle of her thigh and a pair of white heels that she probably hated. Her hair was braided into a crown, which he knew took a while because of how thick it was, even when straightened.

She looked beyond beautiful and she was planning on walking right past them.

Never one for lingering long on carpets, Kendall merely glanced his way and winked before preparing to go on her merry way, but that wasn’t going down. Yoongi moved away from the boys, confusing their interviewer, and grasped her hand pulling her over to where they were despite heavy protest.

Once with the group again he smiled and acted as if he hadn’t thrown all of them off. And that smile grew wider when Kendall stopped objecting once in front of the camera. She was known to have no problem speaking her displeasure no matter the setting, but she also tried her best to keep her cool in those situations.

After recovering from the interruption, the interview continued as normal. There were a few questions thrown at Kendall, but she answered them with ease. And a few moments later they were being directed into the main room. That’s when she took the chance to lightly punch Yoongi in his arm.

“Jerk,” she mumbled.

He just laughed and allowed her to take the lead. They were all sitting together from what he’d seen earlier, which worked for him because he’d need his brothers and her by his side to get through the evening.

About twenty minutes after they got into their seats things started, and the focus went there. Cameras would be everywhere, and they would especially be on them, so there was the need to be present for the most part. He could lean over and whisper something in Kendall’s ear every so often to make her laugh, but besides that he had to keep it together.

About an hour in, staff came to grab the boys and Yoongi placed a quick kiss on Kendall's hand before going to get ready. The moment he got backstage it was hectic and his mind could only focus on being ready to go. They went through wardrobe, hair, and make-up within twenty minutes and then moved to their positions.

When the music started Yoongi felt his heart rate increase, but he tried to keep it down. It wasn’t even his turn yet. Jungkook was up first.

The boys had decided on using their performance as a moment to highlight their solo stuff and their group work. They’d all get about thirty seconds on their own set and that would shift seamlessly into the next one. Once that was over, they would come together for their newest title track, which reflected a lot more with old Bangtan music.

Yoongi was going to be the last to go and though he had newer music he had chosen Agust D to perform. When it was his turn he came out and performed with the charisma that he was known for. And then just where the verse should’ve kept going, he stopped and the whole place went black. When the lights came back up, he was in a formation with the others and he continued, the group song starting with a verse from him.

The crowd responded nicely to it and the energy in the place was crazy. Even when they finished their set, the applause finished, and he was back in his seat the adrenaline coursed through him. He was on a high.

That new energy fueled him and kept him grounded through the rest of the show. And then it died a little when they mentioned the category the boys were up for. He was sure they wouldn’t win it, but that didn’t stop him from hoping. And when he was proven right it didn’t bother him much. However, soon after it was time for the other award and his energy dipped even further.

Kendall suddenly gripped his hand tight in hers and turned her head to look at him. They had a brief moment and it was like without words they comforted each other. Both of them relaxed a little more, but their hands still gripped one another’s fiercely.

The nominees felt like they were being announced slower than the rest, but Yoongi kept his face cool. Cameras were definitely on them and he couldn’t let them try to gauge what he was feeling. But after what felt like an eternity, he felt his resolve slipping, only to hear their names being called as the winners. Shock hit him hard.

Yoongi stood immediately and was pulled into the embrace of the other boys, but his hand still never left Kendall’s. That’s when he noticed that she was still sitting and processing. After a few seconds she also stood and accepted the boy’s affections before they were led up to the stage.

Since he was clearly the more present of the two, he took the moment to speak.

“Whoa, I didn’t think we’d get this. I come into every award situation hoping but making sure that I don’t think I’m going to. It does not keep me from being a little disappointed when it doesn’t happen, much like earlier, but it makes it easier. But my goodness does this make up for it. Me and my brothers couldn’t win tonight as a team, but this win is for me and them as they have been with me throughout my journey as I grew as a producer. And of course, it’s for the lovely Kendall who has cemented herself as someone passionate about her craft and has been able to do what she loves for years now. Who has also helped me push to be better at what I do and pushes herself to do the same. Without any of them I wouldn’t be standing here thinking this award is going to vanish from my hands at any moment.”

Yoongi’s voice got a bit shaky towards the end, but he tried to play it off with laughter. By the time he was done Kendall had calmed herself and wiped free the stray tears. Yoongi stood back from the mic and let her talk.

“Thank goodness for Yoongi or I wouldn’t have had time to stall and pull it together. This is just so freaking cool and though it’s never been a goal or specific want of mine like it has been his I still am so grateful. I don’t ever think I’ll win or be awarded things, so it’s always the biggest shock in the world when I do. And I wouldn’t be here without having people believe in me achieving things like this. Without people not brushing me off and actually listening to what I have to say or show them. Without a mother who knocked sense into me when I thought pursuing multiple creative passions was a pipe dream. Or without friends who challenge me even when I think I’ve found what works best for me. Or without Yoongi, who is someone willing to take my bullshit and give it back tenfold. It really does take a village and I couldn’t be more thankful for mine. Thank you.”

At some point she’d reached her hand back to take Yoongi’s and once she finished her speech, he squeezed it tight. With that done there was another round of applause and they were taken backstage. They took a few photos and then the BigHit staff took the awards from them so they could finish out the night.

And if anyone thought they were clingy before; they hadn’t seen anything.

From the moment they got back to their seats - after a round of congratulations from everyone around them - they were inseparable. Even as they went through some exit interviews and made their way to an after party.

They were just so happy and so free of inhibitions that there were probably multiple videos of them a little drunk, singing and dancing along to the music a little aggressively. They also kept making out and had to be reminded they were in public.

But that didn’t matter much to them. They’d achieved a great thing, were in a wonderful place relationship wise, and simply happy in life. Not to mention so in love that it didn’t matter if they were being a mess and ended up circulating stan twitter for their antics. Their feelings are what mattered most.

And they felt on top of the world.

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loraineannesblog · 5 years

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PERSONAL BLOGS

MY LIFE AS A SENIOR HIGH STUDENT

by : Lalyn De Torres

Students face many challenges with school, relationship, work and social interactions. Hi! my name is Lalyn, 17 years old from laguna and I'am a senior at Francisco P. Tolentino Integrated High School. Let me tell you that being a student is not always easy. We really dont know what is stress is and we are just wait it until we grow up. But we as teenage students have our own levels of stress. All school activities is telling us to uphold our grade point average to yhe high standards, we dedicate any time to it day and night. Many students in their highschool years start their job, have to attend school in the morning, followed by responsibilities needing to be taken care at home.

High school is a place where students like me are made fun inside the school. we experience lot of things inside and outside of the school. Each of us knoes how to accept these challenges, and just like this challenges, i choose faith.

I am now Grade 12 student. I have lots of memories to keep with my beloved classmate and also our beautiful teacher. I knew that being a senior high student is not easy i taught that it is just for fun with easy activities but i was wrong. We, the students will give our own grade so we have to take focus and pass all the projects that the teacher give to us because we are graduating student we have goal that our batch will march on our graduation day.

My mom always tells me to enjoy it while i'am with my classmates. I know that the world outside of school is often harsh and that the responsibilities are serious. That’s exactly why I know that the focus I give to my future is essential in helping me navigate my way into a career that will allow me to contribute to society and enjoy who and what I become.

I want to remind everyone, including myself, that in this moment, we are as old as we have ever been, and as young as we will be again. Live in the moment! So that’s what I am trying to do learning as I go, wearing faith as my armor and knowing that in God’s plan we are all students and teachers, too.

TAGAYTAY

by : Loraine Anne D. Sarmiento

Experience the cool breeze and be refresh at the place which is also known as the little baguio.

Besides being known for its cold breeze. Tagaytay is also known for its tourist attractions. The second summer capital of our country is indeed a perfect getaway to enjoy the different places that locals and even foreigners admire and appreciate. Tagaytay is situated in the province of Cavite. Tagaytay is one of the country's most popular tourist destinations because of its scenery and cooler climate. Tagaytay is well-loved for its highland setting, offering a sanctuary that is close to nature. It's no wonder that it has become a popular destination, not just for fast vacations, but for celebrations. Tagaytay looks wonderful and beautiful it is, there's so much places that you've got to see.

There is beautiful places or destinations that you have to see in Tagaytay which is :

People's Park in the Sky, where it is located at the highest point of Tagaytay.

Skyranch have rides, where you can ride vikings, ferris wheel, roller coaster and many more. It is best to go there with your friends.

Picnic Grove, where you can get quiet picnic on the grass and you can also ride in the zipline. It is best to go there with your family.

Tagaytay holds many happy memories with me and my family. Both my parents are from Cavite where Tagaytay is. Come and visit and you can enjoy it's breeze and open spaces. Tagaytay is my place since I was born. I’ve been to so many places, but Tagaytay is one of the most beautiful and perfect places for me. It is always a chance to relax with my beloved parents, even though my both parents have a job. We cherish each moment together and I am so happy because I can see the happiness in their faces. Because on the other day, they already have a job. I was amazed by the ambiance and the view especially when I saw the taal volcano, even the tourist.

The tourist or people who visit in Tagaytay are interact with this place. It was beautiful and fascinating. We always enjoy foods, when we eat outside.

That moment I realized how important time is and enjoy my place. Thank you to my loving parents, because they gave me birth here in Tagaytay. Tagaytay will be always memorable places with me. It was nice seeing a lot people enjoying the view and taking pictures, here in Tagaytay. I think everyone love watching the view taking pictures, eating delicious foods and buying some stuffs, because every tourist I see, they enjoy everything in Tagaytay. Everyone had a chance to explore and see beautiful places that only here in the Philippines. I always thank God for being there for us and not letting us down. He never failed to amazed me to things that I can never imagined.

10 HEALTHY TIPS TO LIVE LONGER

Eat always healthy foods

Base your diet on plenty of foods rich in carbohydrates

Replace saturated with unsaturated fat

Always eat fruits and vegetables

Reduce salt and sugar intake

Eat regularly, control the portion size

Always drink water

Maintain a healthy body weight

Exercise Everyday

And Timer Starts Now!

1. Eat always healthy foods

For good health, we need different nutrients, and no single food can supply them all. It is not about a single meal, it is about a balanced food choice over time that will make a difference.

2. Base your diet on plenty of foods rich in carbohydrates

About half the calories in our diet should come from foods rich in carbohydrates, such as cereals, rice, pasta, potatoes, and bread. It is a good idea to include at least one of these at every meal. Wholegrain foods, like wholegrain bread, pasta, and cereals, will increase our fibre intake.

3. Replace saturated with unsaturated fat

Fats are important for good health and proper functioning of the body. However, too much of it can negatively affect our weight and cardiovascular health.

4. Eating fruits and vegetable everyday

Fruit and vegetables are considered to be a key part of your daily diet. These have vitamins and minerals which can help keep you healthy. They are naturally good. They can also lead to defense from certain diseases. Eating more fruit and vegetables as part of a healthy, nutritious, balanced and daily diet. The food is a healthy part of the vegetables and fruits, and a healthy diet has as essential a variety as quantity. Any single fruit or vegetables provides the nutrients that you want to be healthy. Fruits and vegetables contain fiber that helps fill up your digestive system and keeps you healthy. Fruit and vegetables are filled with essential vitamins, minerals, fibers and the fight against diseases. Good nutrition, combined with physical activity, will help you achieve and maintain healthy weight, reducing the risk of chronic illnesses like heart and cancer and improving the health overall. Good diet is a key part of leading a healthy lifestyle.

5. Reduce salt and sugar intake

A high salt intake can result in high blood pressure, and increase the risk of cardiovascular disease.

6. Eat regularly

Eating a variety of foods, regularly, and in the right amounts is the best formula for a healthy diet.

7. Always drink water

Water is a natural gift offered to us by god. Drinking water regularly on a daily basis is the best way we can offer to our bodies. Some of us drink it when we are thirsty and some of us drink it when we are completely hydrated. Drinking water can be sure to help our skins healthier, more relaxed and more radiant. Our skins need lots of water to keep ourselves hydrated. So we need to ensure every day we drink enough water. In order to keep our skins healthy, we need to drink water about 8-10 glasses a day. Water is also can lose our weight. There is a suggestion that we should drink a lot of water when we are in a diet or exercise plan. Therefore, drinking water allows our bodies to remove the fat in their bodies and thus reduces our weight. We can be healthier by reducing our fat in our bodies, because some of the diseases caused by obesity will be avoided. When we're properly hydrated, circulation in our body will be good. Water will help us remain alert and focused. Therefore, to support our minds, we must stay hydrated. It keeps the mood healthy and active, if our minds are hydrated properly. People with lower drinks water sometimes feel bored. In the meantime, people who drink more water are very active. It also allows our bodies to reduce their body tiredness. Drinking water is a very important part for the health of our bodies. Not only human but all the species need water in order to survive.

8. Maintain a healthy body weight

The right weight for each us depends on factors like our gender, height, age, and genes. Being affected by obesity and overweight increases the risks of a wide range of diseases, including diabetes, heart diseases, and cancer.

9. Exercise everyday

Physical activity is important for people of all weight ranges and health conditions. It helps us burn off the extra calories, it is good for the heart and circulatory system, it maintains or increases our muscle mass, it helps us focus, and improves overall health well-being.

10. And Timer Start now!

Changes in our lifestyle are easier to maintain than major changes introduced all at once. For three days, we could write down the foods and drinks we consume throughout the day, and make a note of the amount of movement we made.

Loraine Anne D. Sarmiento

Lalyn De Torres

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lachlantrash · 5 years

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“I’m not going to bed...”

You're pregnant. Again. You don't really know how to deal with the idea of welcoming another child into your home when you and your husband have just begun to be intimate with each other again. You've just started being able to sleep without the memory of him kissing another woman haunting your dreams every other night. And now, you're pregnant.

How will you handle nine months-well, seven now, you suppose- of wondering if Lachlan is just finding a prettier girl to bang while you're getting heavier with his child?

You haven't told him. You haven't told anybody except for the doctor who helped you welcome your little boy Sawyer into the world, and it was really hard for you to explain why you were crying when she congratulated you. You could see her put some sort of realization together in her mind at the absence of your husband at the appointment, and you just rushed out saying, "we're-we're still married, the baby's his." to try and make your current situation seem less pathetic than it is.

She walked you through all your options of course, as any doctor does, though you both had a feeling you were going to keep the baby. You wouldn't be able to get rid of a child you brought into this world with Lachlan.

You feel so stupid because you knew the risks of having sex, even with birth control you knew there was a chance that you could get pregnant. With where you and Lachlan are in repairing your relationship, you don't know how to bring something like this up to him. A month ago you began falling asleep in his arms again. A little over a month before that you came home from having a few drinks with your friends and you came home just a tad past tipsy, and you and Lachlan had sex.

You woke up to Lachlan crying the next morning. He was crying in bed about how he shouldn't have done anything with you the night before, how he took advantage of you when you weren't thinking straight and he can't believe he let his urges take over.

You would honestly be unable to hold back the laugh that passes through your lips. "You thought I was drunk? I was at the most tipsy, Lachlan. I wanted to have sex with you, too." You would comfort him, grabbing his hand to hold in his lap.

"So I didn't coerce you into sleeping with me last night?" He'd ask, biting his lip as you nod.

"No, you didn't. I'm sorry it happened. I just... Missed that part of our relationship a lot more than I thought I did." You'd sigh, resting your head against his arm because you feel ashamed. You don't regret sleeping with him, you're just upset that this is what your marriage has come to. Your husband crying over thinking you didn't want to have sex with him.

"I missed it too, but (Y/N), I'm not expecting that. I want to continue working on our emotional stuff, and if we get physical while we're at it, I won't complain. I'm not gonna try anything though, I want you to let me know if you want to... Y'know, repeat last night." He would mumble in your hair, just happy you're letting him hold you to him again-even if it's just in the moment.

Since that night out with friends, you and Lachlan have been having a lot of sex. You really do think it's helped mend your heart faster than some of the emotional things, if you're being honest. Just the realization of Lachlan still wanting you, still needing you physically it's own sense of comfort. And now, you're pregnant.

You drive home from the clinic, and head off to Sawyer's room to spend time with your son. The three year old has you flipping through his Pokemon trading cards, asking you to tell him the names of the ones he doesn't remember before you ask him to help you go make dinner.

"What's cookin' in here, my kitchen staff?" Lachlan asks with a smile as he walks into the house, following the scent of food to find you and his son cooking together. He picks up Sawyer and presses a kiss to his cheek, laughing when the toddler wipes it off his face with a huff.

"We've got a chicken in the oven, and I'm preparing veggies with Sawyer's help right now." You tell Lachlan with a halfway there smile as he presses a kiss on top of your head.

"Sounds and smells delicious. I'm going to go change into comfy clothes and I'll come help my two favorite people." He promises, jogging to the stairs to change out of his jeans and long sleeve.

"I'm a big boy, we don't need any more help!" Sawyer yells up the staircase, causing you to laugh as you continue cooking.

"I love you, Sawyer." You sigh, putting the veggies in the steamer before walking over to him, pressing a kiss on top of his head.

"I love you, mumma. Wanna go watch power rangers?" He asks, pressing a rushed kiss to your cheek before you stand back to full height.

"Of course, but how about we watch on my phone so we don't forget about our yummy dinner?" You offer, glad he agrees when he runs off to grab your phone.

"So, what's on our schedule for this weekend?" Lachlan asks once he's back in the kitchen, a pair of sweats and a t-shirt on now.

"We might visit your mom Saturday, Sawyer's been asking to go there. I'm gonna call her tomorrow and see if that works." You answer, staring at the vegetables as you speak.

"That's perfect. You know she isn't going to say no, especially when she loves our little man so much." He chuckles, walking closer to try and hug you, but you pull away to check the temperature of the chicken before he can.

"So uh, I was thinking we could go on a proper date this weekend? My mom would probably watch him Saturday and-"

"I don't know, Lachlan. We'll see." You cut him off, a pit forming in your stomach.

"Okay." He sighs, a hopeful smile still on his face.

"Will you get Sawyer ready at the table? I'm going to plate everything up and I'll meet you two there." You ask, turning the steamer off and walking to the cabinet where you keep plates.

"Sure thing. C'mon little man, let's go sit at the dinner table and Mumma will bring us dinner in a minute." Lachlan says to Sawyer, offering a hand out for him to take as they walk into the dining room.

~~~~After Dinner~~~~

"He's out, I'll take him in his room and meet you in bed in five?" Lachlan asks you. After dinner you and Sawyer started watching a Pokemon movie, Lachlan joining you guys once he finished doing the dishes.

"Sounds like a plan, thanks." You smile, letting him carry the sleeping toddler up the stairs before you head up. You follow your nightly routine in the master bathroom, adding in an extra step of taking some vitamins your doctor suggested for you. You're in bed before Lachlan, hands on your stomach though you know there's no way you'll feel any signs of the new baby in there yet.

"I'll be in bed in a second, need anything while I'm up?" Lachlan asks, stepping into the bedroom and shutting the door behind him.

"I know I haven't done this in awhile, but... Do you mind if I look through your phone?" You sigh, moving your hands off your stomach as you sit up.

"No, go ahead. But uh, are you okay? It seemed like we were moved past that, I'm not mad or anything obviously, just curious." He answers, handing over his phone with furrowed eyebrows.

"I'm fine, I'm just... In my head is all." You bite your lip nervously, wishing you didn't feel the need to immediately open his DM's on instagram.

"Wanna talk about it, babe?" He asks you, sitting next to you on the bed as you scan his phone. He rubs his hand along your back, watching your face as you continue your search.

"I don't think I want to talk about it yet. You can go get ready for bed, I'll be okay." You try and smile at him, though you're not sure how convincing you sound.

"Okay, I'll be just a minute." He presses a kiss to your lips, walking into the bathroom afterwards. You briefly check his Twitter DM's, not finding anything that makes your heart race being sent by Lachlan. You don't even bother with his texts, knowing he hardly texts anyone. You lock his phone with a sigh, putting it on his charger for him. You sit on the edge of your bed, foot tapping the floor as you think about everything going on.

"Hey, what's got you all worked up tonight?" Lachlan asks, sitting down behind you as he begins to try and rub some tension out of your arms.

"Nothing. I'm fine." You sigh, shooting him a smile that neither of you believe.

"If something's in your head about me, please let me know. I'll tell you whatever you want to know, and if someone's giving you a hard time, I'll straighten them out and get them to leave you alone. If... If you just need to talk about it, about how you're feeling right now, just let me know, babe." He murmurs comfortingly, pressing a kiss to the back of your neck.

"Thanks, Lachlan." You whisper, mind racing about the fact that his hands are on you and his baby is in you and there's some girl who came around who made him cheat on you and the whole world knows it. The whole world is going to be ashamed that you chose to stay and are choosing to keep this baby, but you already love the new life in you, you can't even think into any other option besides keeping it.

After a few minutes of Lachlan rubbing your shoulders and occasionally pressing a kiss somewhere to your skin, he asks, "Are you ready for bed, love?"

"Yeah. I just need some sleep, I bet." You smile at him, grateful that he's trying to make you feel better without even knowing what's going on in your head. You get under the covers, laying on your pillow which makes Lachlan hesitate as he climbs into bed.

"You don't want to cuddle tonight, (Y/N)?" He questions, crawling in next to you before he shuts off his light.

"No, I don't think I'll be able to stay in bed much anyways. I'm pretty awake still." You half lie, not wanting to tell him the reason why you're awake. How do you break to him that you're pregnant again?

"Okay... I love you." He finds your hand under the blanket, squeezing it with his words.

"I love you too." You say just above a whisper, biting back emotions from storming past your lips.

You try to fall asleep. You honestly do, but nothing feels right and your brain can't stop reminding you that you have to do something, you need to talk to Lachlan and you need to start planning how you're going to bring another baby into the world, how you're going to have to purchase all sorts of maternity clothing again, thinking about how the hell he's going to tell his viewers that you two are expecting again. Should you delete your social media to avoid seeing anything people will have to say? Surely people are going to call you a bad mother for bringing a child into this situation, people already dm you about how unfair you staying with Lachlan is for Sawyer.

So you slip out of bed, and make your way downstairs without a second thought. You put your keurig on, deciding if you're unable to sleep, you might as well make it more bearable for yourself. Once your mug is full of black coffee, you sit at your kitchen island as you go through photos you have in your camera roll of your family. You can't help but to drift off into thinking about what your new baby is going to look like, can't help but wonder if it'll be a little girl you can dress up and take cheesy photos with or if you'll have another little boy with his father's adorable face.

Then your mind drifts to what it's going to be like dealing with everyone. Even your own mother will be skeptical of this decision. She's been rocky with Lachlan ever since she found out he cheated on you, and was of course upset that she had found out only when he did the livestream weeks ago to get everyone to stop bringing it up on social media. How will she feel once she finds out you're pregnant again? With a man who cheated on you while you were not just a couple, but married. What will happen when you're round and eight months pregnant and not looking your finest, you surely won't be feeling like Lachlan's looking at you the same as he is now. Who will his attention be on then? You sigh into the lip of your cup, trying to shake the terrors from your mind.

"Something's up, you never drink hot coffee, especially not black." You jump at the intruder of your thoughts, sighing in relief when it's just Lachlan standing behind you.

"You pull all-nighters sometimes, this isn't a big deal. Just go back to bed, Lachlan." You try, not looking back at him as you get off your chair, moving your empty mug under the keurig to get a refill.

"Not until you come with me. Something's bothering you, and it's worrying me. Are... Are we okay?" He questions, sitting in the chair next to yours at the island.

"I don't know, Lachlan. Please just, go to bed and we can talk another time. I really don't think that I can do this right now." You bite your lip, knowing his persistence won't let this end this way.

"Just come back to bed with me, I think we both just need to talk everything out and-"

"I'm not going to bed just so I can spend hours staring at the ceiling. I'm not going to be able to sleep tonight." You cut him off, putting the mug down on the counter with a sigh.

"Please, just please tell me what's going on in that head of yours. I just want to fix this. Was there something on my phone? Did some rumor come out? I just- I want to know what I did wrong again." He admits, fear in his eyes that things will go back to what they were like right after he cheated on you. Things were getting better, you two were getting better than you ever were before, and now somethings making you revert back to how you were in the beginning after he cheated on you and he's scared.

"I'm pregnant. I went to my doctor today, and I'm pregnant." You say expressionless, watching his face lift before a frown takes over his features.

"You're not... You're not happy about that, are you?" He realizes, trying to read the way you're feeling.

"I don't think this would ever be the ideal time to have another kid, Lachlan. Can you blame me for that?" You scoff, leaning against your kitchen counter, facing Lachlan who is still seated at the island.

"You're not... No, I can't blame you for that but... You're not gonna get rid of the baby, are you? You didn't, like, schedule that?" A newfound worry lingers in his voice. He's afraid you want to abort the baby, and he's horrified you'll never want to have another child with him. He loves Sawyer to death, just like he loves you, but he's always envisioned coming home to a house full of kids.

"I'm not. I can't. It's our baby, I can't just... I can't do that." You shake your head, tears brimming in your eyes. "I just can't handle this right now. We were just starting to do okay again, Lachlan. We were starting to be happy again. And now everything's going to crash." You cry, looking at the floor to avoid looking at him.

"Hey, what makes you think everything's going to fall apart now? C'mere, babe." He calmly says, patting his lap to indicate that you should sit there. You slowly make your way over, making a spot for yourself in his lap with your head in the crook of his neck, breathing in the remnants of his body wash that brings a sense of comfort to you.

"Everyone is going to have an opinion on this. Your fans, my friends, our families." Your breath hitches. "Everyone is going to have something to say and I don't want that. I want to be happy about being pregnant again. I want to be happy about having another baby. But I'm horrified. What if... What if when I get too big to even tie my own shoes you find me unattractive, and go to someone else to give you satisfaction?" You whisper, insecurities bubbling up as you give Lachlan a fraction of what you're feeling.

"I'm never going to do that. I'm never going to go looking elsewhere for what I've got right here, okay? You're allowed to be happy about this, y'know. You don't need to worry about what everyone else is gonna think, what matters is us and our little man whose fast asleep right now. Without everything else going on in the world, how do you feel about being pregnant?" He asks, hands holding you on his lap by your hips.

"I... I'm so happy." You bite back a smile, remembering all the first experiences you got with Sawyer and just imagining another babbling baby added to your family. "But-"

"No buts. If you're happy, you're happy. You don't have to justify yourself to me." He promises, pressing a kiss to the top of your head. "People online really don't matter to me, if our family is okay, I don't care what the internet has going on. As for our friends and family, well, we know how some of them will take this straight away. Some of our friends, the ones who actually care about us, are going to be happy." He says in between kisses pressed to the top of your head.

"I don't think that they don't care. Lachlan, we haven't exactly been the best couple recently. I know we've rekindled and it really feels like everything's falling in place, but I see their concerns from the outside." You pull away from him so you can look into his eyes. "I'm thinking about how I'd feel if it was one of my friend's in this situation. How I would look at their relationship and probably be skeptical on bringing another child into the mix..." You trail off.

"I'm not saying the people who are skeptical don't care. Maybe they do, and we'll just have to prove to them that you and I are working everything out. You and I are far down the road to recovery, I'd like to think. Our families are gonna be rough. I know your mom isn't my biggest fan right now, rightfully, but you know deep down she'll support any decision you make. My mom is going to be nervous about it. You know how she is, always worrying about me and such. But we'll make this all work out, (Y/N). You don't need this added stress on what anyone else will think. If you want to be happy, then be happy. You've earned that, if anything." He promises.

"How do you feel about it?" You ask, slowly leaving his embrace to put your mind to something simpler, washing out your mug.

"About you being pregnant?" He says moreso to himself than you. "I'm... Ecstatic, really. We've always talked about having more kids and, though the timing might not be the best, I'm happy for us. How far along are you, anyways? It can't be too far, considering..." He stops himself, not wanting to remind you about the period of time you two didn't even sleep in the same bed.

"About three weeks is her estimate, so not too far." You subconsciously put your hands on your stomach.

"We have plenty of time to continue working on us, to make everything right. Plenty of time for you to see how I'm not going to cheat on you, I'm the man I should be for you. We can tell people as slowly as you feel like it, no need to rush this. Let's just be happy, and please, go back to bed so tomorrow our little man isn't stuck with grouchy parents." Lachlan asks, a smile on his face once you turn to face him.

"You really think this will all be okay, right?" You speak as you walk over to him, grabbing his hand to make him stand.

"I promise that I do. Everything winds up okay for us in the end." He responds, making you roll your eyes at the cheesiness of his words.

"Okay, I'll go lie down with you. I don't think I can sleep though... All that coffee." You sigh, somewhat regretting your decision to sneak out of bed for coffee. You could've cleared your mind with sleepytime tea just as well, if you're honest.

"That's all I'm askin' for." He presses a kiss to your lips, leading you upstairs with excitement building in both of you as you both drift into thought about another child in your home in months to come. Life isn't exactly easy, but with Lachlan, you can truthfully say to yourself that you think all the drama and attention is worth it.

#lachlan #lachlan power #lachlan imagine #lachlanpower #lachlanyt #lachlanimagine #lachlan x reader #lachlanxreader

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braindamageforbeginners · 6 years

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My Distaste for Cancer Only Slightly Outweighs my Hatred for Healthy Living

Cycle 9, Day 12

I know I’ve pondered this before, I’ll ponder it again, but I really am getting curious how many cancer patients just die because they run out of time and energy. I know, these are the sorts of insights you come to me for, but let me keep going. A lot of people wonder what chronic disease patients do with our time. To which most of us who are interested in making past our own expiration date usually respond, “what time?”

I honestly have no idea how healthy people keep it up, because it’s unbelievably exhausting and time-limiting being sick and trying to keep up with this endless time crunch about health. Wake up, brush and floss, get 5-ish servings of fruits and vegetables, off to the gym, play with pills/keep prescriptions and insurance up-to-date, and add in some basic hygiene and a few minutes to keep all my new bionic joints oiled, repaired, and working, and it’s already 10 pm. Which is now my bedtime. Even with a full nine hours of sleep (to all my former roommates reading this, that’s a full nine hours of of actual sleep, not just insomnia), it’s exhausting. It’s no wonder I’ve been unable to get a real career or long-term romantic relationship going in 30 years; it has literally taken all that time surviving and recovering from various endless bouts of disease. I know I’m complaining, but it only hit me today as I was checking through my meds to keep track of what needs to be renewed today, tomorrow, and Later (good news on that to any new cancer patients, as you heal up, they will wean you off things which makes life slightly easier).

To answer anyone who, like my therapist, would wonder why I’m doing it all; well, I’d rather not find out what a feeding tube feels like, and, based on long-term brain cancer survivor stories, that’s the key to beating chronic cancers - just outlast the cancer by staying healthy enough to take all reasonable treatments that are offered, until you get the miracle cure. Also, the longer I’m alive, the more stuff I can learn, do, and/or recover from (again; I ran up a flight of stairs yesterday, thanks to improvements in sports medicine that I stole and repurposed for my own use). Just as every day is somewhat varied even if you have a very standard, Ward Cleaver, 9-5-style existence; everything is varied for me. I’ve just had to learn to tune into it a little more to keep me going (although I will admit that flat-out spite and malice is sometimes required when your lust for life takes a hit). Speaking of which, this morning’s discovery is that, somehow, cheap multivitamins for adults are even worse than my memories of Flintstones’ Vitamins. And, hey, there’s always a chance your vanity will carry you when other motivations fail (again, by golly, I may be a sick person, but I don’t look it)(which will, hopefully, convince the Watlocks to overlook the occasional abnormal lab result to continue relentlessly treating me).

And it does kind of help to know I have a few friends in the health/research industry keeping an eye out on me as a weird sort of grumbling guinea-pig. Speaking of which, it recently hit me just how much medicine likes to overscan cancer patients. The initial realization was from an online lecture from an oncologist who was researching chronic cancers, and noted that we give cancer survivors lots and lots of CT/PET scans (which the Warlocks and Radiation Oncologist warned me that they don’t like to do), and, surprisingly, the same people who are near-constantly dosed with low-level radiation develop lots of chronic cancers. I normally would’ve just shrugged that filed that factoid under “To Avoid” when an anesthesiologist friend pointed out that she had to get some body part X-rayed and had dozens of lead aprons piled on her. Which got me thinking. Even though most studies don’t show any definitive correlation between electromagnetic field exposure and brain cancer, I know that Optune uses EM fields to “disrupt cancer cells.” Of course, the near-lethal amount of radiation exposure I got in the first six weeks’ treatment does the exact same thing, but it also carries a significant risk of causing further tumors and cancers. So I went back and did the math. In the past 16-ish years, I’ve had, based on my calculations (and they might be off; I was tired, and MRI schedules vary from diagnosis to diagnosis), 34 MRIs in my life. Admittedly, I’m a sample size of one, and my genes might disqualify me from the statistical sample, but, it does make me think I might ask the Warlocks if they have some sort of Palantyr or something similar they can use in lieu of... well, in lieu of an imaging tool that I’m starting to get a little suspicious of.

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coachkaitlin-blog · 7 years

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Improve Your Health By Making These Simple Changes

We are all a work-in-progress. I have healthy changes that I need to make in my life, and goals that I want to reach. What are your goals? Do you know where to start? In my previous article on how to achieve your New Year’s health and fitness resolutions, I mentioned committing to making one change per month. In this post, I’ll go over the top five healthy lifestyle changes that I suggest to my clients. If you commit to just one of these five changes, you will see positive results in just 30 days or less.

Drink More Water

I could go on for days talking about the benefits of water. By replacing all other fluids you drink with water, you are not only saving calories and cutting out harmful ingredients, but you are also helping to maintain your body’s fluid balance. Your body is composed of about 60% water and your different organ systems need water to function properly. Water is lost daily through urine, stool, sweat, and even breathing, so you need to constantly replenish it. An outdated rule of thumb was to drink 64 ounces of water per day, but how much you need to drink actually depends on your weight and level of activity. The minimum amount of water we should be drinking daily is half our body weight in ounces. So for example: someone who weighs 150 pounds needs 75 ounces of water per day MINIMUM. If you are exercising (which you should be!), then you need more. It is recommended that you drink 17-20 ounces of water about 2 hours before exercise, 7-10 ounces every 10-20 minutes during exercise, and 16-24 ounces for every pound of bodyweight lost during exercise.

If you are not used to drinking plain water, it can be hard to get used to. I used to HATE it. Room temperature water made me gag, so I had to find a way that I could get it down. I tried many things like flavored water and flavor packets (like Crystal Light) but those have sugar, fake sugar, and other additives in them. Going to restaurants I used to make my own “lemonade” by squeezing lemon in my water and adding Sweet ‘n Low (YUCK), and then progressed to just adding lemon to my water. When I got used to that, I realized that I could handle plain iced water. Play around and find ways to enjoy drinking water. I listed this as number one for a reason- it’s one of the most important changes you can make for your health!

Walk At Least 30 Minutes Each Day

Walking gets a bad rap. I’ve heard many people put walking down as if it weren’t a good way to exercise. In fact, it’s one of the most beneficial ways to exercise, especially if you are a beginner, dealing with an injury, or are just trying to improve your stamina. For the average person, walking one mile burns approximately 100 calories. However, wearing a fitness tracker or heart rate monitor will determine how many calories you burned more accurately. Some of the top benefits of walking include: improving oxygen flow through your body, improving the strength and functioning of your heart, boosting your energy level, improving brain function, and (bonus!) it’s also FREE. All you need is a good pair of walking shoes and you’re ready to go.

Start with 30 minute walks and work your way up to an hour. When walking becomes less challenging, you can add walking sprints or jogs to increase heart rate and calorie burning.

Eat More Fruits and Vegetables

Weight loss is 80% nutrition and only 20% exercise. There is a common misconception that if you are exercising then you can eat whatever you want (I just had a client say that to me last week). That is completely false. I will be writing on nutrition in more detail later on, but here’s the skinny. If you are not giving your body proper nutrients, you shouldn’t be exercising at all. Exercise creates free radicals in the body, and fruits and vegetables contain vitamins and minerals that fight and eliminate those free radicals. Free radicals can cause cancer, inflammation, and other physical problems so you want to eliminate them as best you can.

I am not big on having clients count calories. I believe that if you are eating as many whole foods as possible, you will lose weight and give your body good nutrition. You don’t have to be a vegetarian, but eating as many plants as possible will strengthen your immune system, help fight inflammation, and reduce the risk of cancer, diabetes, heart disease, and a host of other diseases.

When you sit down for a meal (any meal – not just dinner!), at least half of your plate should be full of fruits or veggies. If you feel like you need a snack throughout the day, reach for an apple, banana, or carrots, instead of going for the chips. Doing this will help you properly fuel your body throughout the day.

Get More Sleep

I’m not sure I know anyone who thinks they get enough sleep. Life always seems to get in the way. Eight hours of sleep turns into five or six and then you need to caffeine up the next morning just to function. The truth is, sleep is just as important for weight loss and good health as clean eating and exercise. Lack of sleep has a negative effect on the hormones that control hunger, which is why you don’t feel full or satisfied when you eat after a sleepless night. Sleep also impacts thinking, so you tend to reach for whatever snacks are available instead of healthy ones.

One of the biggest destroyers of our sleep comes from the things that we are most attached to: our cell phones. Cell phones emit “blue light”, which makes our brains think that it’s actually daytime, causing our bodies to produce less melatonin. This causes our natural sleep cycle to be disrupted, leading to reduced quality and quantity of sleep. To combat this, many phones and tablets have a “night light” function that casts a reddish tint to your screen, eliminating any sleep destroying blue light. Start using this function on your devices several hours before you go to bed. Other ways to help improve your sleep include: cutting out caffeine and alcohol after 5pm, keeping distractions out of the bedroom (including your phone and TV), keeping your room as dark as possible (or using a sleep mask), and considering a nightly bedtime routine so your body can start winding down before you hit the sheets.

Limit Processed Sugar Intake

When I refer to the term “sugar” I mean added sugars, fake sugars, or processed sugars; NOT natural sugars. Natural sugars found in fruits, vegetables, and other whole foods are processed differently in the body than refined sugar. A good rule of thumb for processed sugar intake is to eat no more than 7 grams at a time. Your body can’t process more than 7 grams of processed sugar at once, so the excess gets stored as fat (once again, I’m not referring to natural sugars because a banana has at least 20 grams of sugar). I will be writing a more in-depth article on the effects of sugar on the body, so I won’t go into too much detail now. Just a few negative affects of processed sugar on the body include: impairing memory, causing an increased appetite, increasing joint inflammation, and increasing the risk of disease processes like, diabetes, cancer, and heart disease. Sugar is 8x more addictive than Cocaine and is considered the most accessible “drug” on the market. It is added to almost everything you buy, so do yourself a favor and read labels and pay extra attention to processed sugar content before you purchase anything. To help you spot added sugars, look for words that end in “ose”, like dextrose, maltose, and fructose.

I don’t expect anyone to cut sugar cold turkey. It is extremely hard to do and you are more likely to relapse due to the addiction. However, cutting down sugar intake WILL improve your health and fitness. After week 2, your body will realize that it didn’t need all the sugar you were pumping into it before. You will start craving healthy food and your tastes will change. The number one thing I have heard from people who finish Whole30 (or something like it) is that healthy foods taste sweeter to them after they cut out the processed sugar.

Time To Take Action!

Many of you may think these changes are overly simplistic, and they are! The great thing about working towards a healthy lifestyle is that it doesn’t have to be complicated. I also know that these changes are not always easy to make. Habits are hard to break and stepping out of our comfort zone is tough. I’ve made these changes in my own life (I’m still working on getting more sleep) and I’ve experienced the benefits, which is why I wanted to pass this information on to you. I’m challenging you now to make just ONE of these changes this month and stick with it. If you do, I know you will feel so much better about your health, your fitness, and your body.

Visit my blog for more great articles!

#getfit #gethealthy #eathealthy #health & fitness #fitness #fitblr

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whatsyourcolor · 7 years

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Dragnet - Ch2- The Detective

Hello. Here’s the second chapter of Dragnet. A million flowers and thanks to @lucidink for helping me edit.

Chapter 2 – The Detective

An open book rested on his chest as the first rays of dawn filtered through the blinds, stealing him from the elusive and vacillating hours of sleep. He laid in absolute stillness—the hand over the book—dressed in tailored pants, a white shirt and a slightly loosened tie; a posture that to any outsider would resemble that of a dead man in his funerary and elegant tranquility.

But he did open his eyes, and dreams about cases, numbers and suspicions dissipated from his view and memory. Just as he had conquered (through relentless forbiddance against what he perceived to be his faults) the crags of rigorous discipline—that is, through a carefully designed routine that allotted brains and muscle the time and energy demanded, needed—the trivial merited the same type of sharpness and obsessive precision. Setting the book aside, he stood and fixed the wrinkles on the covers of his bed. The bedroom’s décor was minimalistic: a bed, bare walls, an old sofa and a nightstand to hold books and cigarettes.

Like most mornings, he went to the kitchen to prepare himself a modest breakfast and ate while watching the MWPSB sanctioned news on a holographic screen.

So, they decided to keep the media in the dark about the case, he thought, when a commercial for hue-clearing vitamins interrupted his train of thought.

After putting the kitchen back to its tidy state, he headed for the other room in his apartment. As a detective, he had become aware early on of the paradoxical nature of his job; at once rigid and fluid; requiring a sharp memory and an ability to forget. He had wondered back then—when he was younger—if he’d ever be able to develop what Masaoka called a “detective’s intuition.” Not the habit to predict that hindered so many inspectors, but the ability to smell and to follow that smell.

The door opened to a smaller room with a desk and three tall bookcases replete with paper books. On the wall hung a large board with notes and drawings—spirals, waves, lines—over pictures, names, numbers, coordinates and maps. He sat at the desk where stacks of files stood in irregular towers. Other documents were placed carefully on the floor in a calculated arrangement, discernible only to him. When he managed to find free time or in his off days, he’d sit to read on a cushioned green seat nestled between the shelves: it was his favorite place in the apartment.

It was as though this room held what he rarely allowed himself out of it: the pangs and sparks of random inspiration, the license to be more visceral than rational for a while and, even at times, the short flashes of madness that came with lucidity. Doubtless, it was his discipline that kept that chimera controlled and his Psycho-Pass clean: he could dwell without letting his thoughts seize him and drag him down.

Many of the paper books he owned—most well-thumbed; the oldest failing to hold together—had come from his father and grandparents’ library. Even though he never met his father, he could piece the man together, the ghost of him, by sorting through his literary collection, the only legacy left of him. But most of his collection had come through Sasayama and his connections (to whom or what, he didn’t care to know): random titles—both local and translated to Japanese—that told stories in more ways than words. There was the big fat dictionary with different dates scribbled on its end papers (the oldest one dating to 2015); the mystery novel that had pages chewed off by some animal and the love dedications written on poetry books with aging pages. What surprised him the most was the notion that there was still a market for such rarities, not only virtually obsolete, but the type that could cloud your hue.

Patiently, he began to study the files; his personal observations for the cases of the MWPSB. Soon after, it was time to shower and head to work.

“We’re back where we started. The suspect says she was given hue-clearing drugs and sent to work at a factory for a measly salary. She’s an unregistered and latent criminal. There’s no lead as to who the seller is and there’s no match for the name she gave us.” Ginoza summarized in a humdrum tone, impatient with the delay of the closing in this case.

“Five days after she was taken into custody, the body of an unregistered man was found in a small textile factory in a different part of the city. The cause of death is still to be determined, but—” Kogami clicked a button and a picture of the holo projection of the body appeared on the screen, “the open sores found around his neck and his bloated extremities point to a reaction to a certain type of chemical ingested. We still haven’t determined if it’s an adverse reaction to the drug. As for the woman, it doesn’t make sense that if she was up to her ears in illegal hue-clearing drugs, her Psycho-Pass would suddenly cloud. There must be something we’re overlooking.”

“What you’re overlooking here is that the drugs she was given may have been counterfeit,” Sasayama muttered through his teeth, trying to lit up his cigarette.

“Sasayama! Didn’t I tell you not to smoke here?”

“Okay, okay, Gino-san! Calm down, will ya? Don’t want to kill your little cactus with those pitch-dark vibes of yours,” Sasayama replied, a little startled by the loud reprimand, putting out the cigarette.

“If the drugs are counterfeit, then how do you explain the fact that she worked undetected for a whole month? As soon as she’d come out of the abolition block the cymatic scanners would’ve detected her,” Kogami countered.

“There’s two possibilities: the sellers use a hook dose that’s effective temporarily, then replace the dose with a counterfeit. Or, second, the drugs have some sort of expiration date that renders them useless after a while.” Sasayama replied, with his usual overconfident satisfaction, smirking.

“But what’s the point of selling drugs that don’t work?” Kogami asked.

“That’s the question, Ko.” Sasayama said, smile wide now. “I’m sure from the business point of view there must be something to be gained.”

Kogami held his chin in his hand, deep in thought. But it doesn’t make sense, even from the business point of view.

“Don’t think so hard, Inspector. Your Psycho-Pass may cloud,” Yayoi softly told Kogami. “Also, there’s still the matter of how these drugs are being transported undetected to different places in the city and if there are additional unauthorized people working elsewhere. And we don’t even have a sample of the drug to have Shion analyze it.”

“If people realize that unregistered or illegal aliens are working alongside them, it could cause a Psycho-hazard. Not to mention the fact that most of them may be latent criminals. Hordes of criminals could be walking the streets amongst healthy citizens.” Ginoza turned to look at the screen behind him. On it, there was the image of a woman in her forties, sitting in an interrogation room, still dressed in the factory uniform. Her hands were wringing her shirt nervously and she appeared distressed. “Still, let’s not rule out that the defect in the drug could be a mistake on the part of the manufacturers.”

“Could be. But even if that’s true, there’s still an organization that’s in the business of drugging unregistered people and putting them to work or even killing them,” Masaoka said, receiving in reply a glacial stare from his son.

“We checked the logs of the factory and they followed the hiring protocol. Since her Psycho-Pass was clear, they didn’t pay attention to some irregularities, like her birth date. I don’t think we’ll get much more than that since the Ministry of Economy isn’t willing to cooperate,” Ginoza said.

Let’s focus then on the possible routes they’re using to transport the drugs between abolition blocks. Look for reports of hues suddenly clouding and transpose them onto the city map for now,” Kogami ordered.

By force of habit, in stressful days like this one—days in which they could not even say they were stalemate, since no opponent or game had been identified—Kogami and Sasayama ended up having a smoke in the balcony of their floor. The golden city around them shone as the sunset mirrored on the buildings circumambient. It almost seemed like this city could never be dark.

“So, what’s new with you, Ko?” Sasayama asked casually, attempting to have a talk that carried some semblance of levity, after a whole afternoon of grim faces.

“I was just thinking…” Kogami said, taking a drag while hunching over the glass panel of the balustrade, “it’s evident that they wouldn’t risk moving the drugs on the streets of the city, even if they were using the drug themselves. It’s too unstable and their hues could suddenly cloud. If they know about the side effects, that’s even a bigger reason not to use them.” Sasayama rolled his eyes hearing him speak. “You know, on the night I lost my dominator I met—”

“Oh, you’re still on that? All we’ve achieved so far with these underground crackdowns is stir up the pot for a bunch of maladjusted teenagers and crash their little parties. But we may have found new rave enforcer material, for sure!” He grinned mischievously. “Don’t tell Kunizuka that I said that. She already wants to murder me.”

“And we didn’t find any trace of the drug,” Kogami continued, still engrossed in his thoughts.

“True, but we found lots of alcohol that got confiscated and are probably being consumed by old man Masaoka as we speak, the undefeated champion of the ancient game of ‘elbow-raising,’ if you know what I mean,” he said, half-laughing.

Kogami was finally dragged out of his thoughts.

“Don’t worry, he’ll call when he’s ready to share his loot. He always does anyway.” He snickered, amused.

“Yeah, but you stopped joining us after that night.” He looked at him from the corner of his eye, his wide grin biting the cigarette in his mouth. “The fateful night in the enforcers’ lounge when you got so drunk you were slurring your words and tried to wrestle me because I beat you at Mahjong.”

“Because you cheated,” Kogami replied in a serious tone, exhaling smoke.

“And the arguing with old Masaoka about women, and beauty and death and all that nonsense? You two wouldn’t shut up!” he laughed. “I’d never peg you for the philosophical yet violent type of drunk.”

“You won’t ever let me forget it,” he muttered in a low complain, averting his eyes.

“Don’t worry, you are a karaoke legend now in the enforcers’ lounge. After all, it did take three men to rip the microphone off your paws and even after that, they were terrified that you might bite them!” Sasayama was now bending over the balustrade, laughing shamelessly.

“And you still expect me to come back?” Kogami said, red in the face but it was unclear if from embarrassment or irritation. “Forget it. I’m never drinking again.”

“Don’t blame the alcohol, Ko. Sake is one of those poisons that makes you dance on the line between lucidity and foolishness. It’s your own fault you went down the path of foolishness.”

“Says the person who ended up throwing up in the bathroom,” Kogami sneered.

“Well, when it comes to my vices, I can’t help but be foolish. I’m… what do you call it? A hedonist. I live for sake and—“

“Women. Yeah, we’ve heard it all before a thousand times. Half the time getting shitfaced and the other half getting slapped by the women you supposedly revere,” Kogami said, trying to bite back.

“Supposedly? Okay, now this is personal. One day, Kogami Shinya, you will understand! All your drunk talk about beauty and women is nothing but abstract cynicism that you use to keep people at bay; crap you’ve read in your books,” Sasayama said, and even though both knew he was teasing, there was an unmistakable sting in his words.

“You’re crossing the line, Enforcer.” Now Kogami was pissed off. He put out his cigarette and threw it in the garbage can, walking away.

“Hey! You’re still the most liked Inspector of Division 1!” Sasayama shouted to him as the glass doors closed. Kogami gave him a sarcastic thumbs-up gesture without looking back.

“Shit. I always hit his sore spots without meaning to,” Sasayama mused with a shrug, unconcerned.

Leaning back on the chair of his station, arms on the back of his head and a cigarette in his mouth, Kogami Shinya was absorbedly staring at his computer screen. Everyone had already left and, though he was tired, he knew that if he went home he wouldn’t catch any sleep. A map of the city of Tokyo flashed back at him from the screen.

Illegal hue-clearing drugs sold to unregistered latent criminals wanting to work. Two cases in different parts of the city seemingly related to the drug. Worked for months… but then their Psycho-Pass clouded. The drugs stopped working. Wouldn’t it make more sense to have loyal consumers than kill them with the product? That sure throws whatever prospects of new customers out of the window. This doesn’t appear to be the classical drug crime confined to the abolition blocks either.

The face of a young woman talking about tunnels appeared in his mind.

“This is a tunnel that hasn’t been mapped yet.”

He sat up on his chair.

It would make sense for the sellers to use the old tunnels to transport the drugs. That woman was familiar with the tunnels and understood the marks on the floor; maybe even made them herself.

He typed some words into his computer and the website for the MLIT blinked in front of him.

Those old structures stopped being used more than 25 years ago as the city went an infrastructural remodeling under the Toyohisa construction company per commission of the MLIT. According to the company, those tunnels have been perpetually closed or destroyed. No common citizen, even less someone in an abolition block would have access to that information. Unless the old tunnels weren’t destroyed and someone was…mapping them out for criminal use.

The face of the girl was becoming more and more vivid in his mind.

What was her name? Could she be involved with…?

He brought his hand to his forehead and closed his eyes to recall what he saw before she kicked his dominator.

Tsu…Tsugawa… no. Tsubaki? Tsumita? Tsu… Tsu…

He remembered those incandescent golden-brown eyes, staring at him with anger.

“Tsunemori!” He spat out loud, typing away in his computer.

“Tsunemori. Age 20 to 24. Female. Short. Dark hair.”

He skimmed through various pictures in the citizen database of Sibyl. Quickly scrolling through blonde, brunette, long haired, freckled women until, finally, there was her.

Or at least, someone that looked like her.

No, it was her. As he remembered: short brown hair and two locks falling along her cheeks framing a pale face. But her countenance was decidedly different; softer, even innocent. The faint trace of a smile still rested on her lips, as if someone had said something amusing seconds before snapping the picture. The sparkle in her brown eyes held something delightful, hopeful.

Her doe-eyed look would certainly fool him on a different day, had he not been on the receiving end of her fierceness. Her profile read:

Tsunemori, Akane. Age 22 Graduated from Hongou Higher Education. 2112. Currently employed at Fioira Restaurant. Roppongi.

Wait, this punk works at a restaurant in broad daylight?

Her boot brushed the dusty wooden floor while her body laid suspended in a hammock in a dim shop. A small monkey eating a piece of fruit sat on her stomach as she played with its hair, captivated by the animal—a real one, not a drone pet. In the corners of the room, old artifacts in disuse laid accumulated in random piles that could fall at the slam of a door. The only thing suggesting that this was something akin to a shop, were the two run-down barber chairs with peeling leather cushions and the old mirrors facing them, so old, that you’d think you were looking at yourself as through a thin fog.

“Well, you look much better than the last time I saw you,” Tanaka-san said as he entered his shop, sending a serious glance at the intruder romancing his monkey.

He was a bald old man with a few unruly wisps of white hair hanging from behind his ears; he had the habit of licking his fingers and stroking them to set them down. Dressed in an odd attire—something not uncommon to those living in abolition blocks—he wore sweatpants and sneakers under a dilapidated kimono that had been feasted on by hungry moths.

He unrolled a piece of cloth over a small table and began to organize his tools: the straight razor, the comb, the shave brush, the scissors. He cleaned the relics in the same ceremonial fashion that Akane had seen in those who, anachronistic and useless in Sibyl’s world, strived to preserve a sort of pride in their bygone knowledge.

“Well, I can’t be sad forever, right? Also, Salsa makes me happy,” she answered to his concern, her finger caressing behind the ear of the little monkey who hooted agreeably.

“You should know, that monkey eats better than me nowadays,” the old man said, glaring at the hairy face that stared at him, chewing open-mouthed.

“No worries, Tanaka-San. I also brought something for you.”

She moved her hip to grab the container on her side and the monkey quickly gobbled up what was left of his fruit, hoping to be treated to this banquet too, raising his arms to make a reservation.

“No, Salsa! This is for me!” the old man quickly snatched the container, hiding it from the monkey.

“The best ramen in all of Tokyo!” Akane said eagerly, hoping to reanimate the spirits of the grim old man. She stretched her arm to retrieve the fruit container from a chair and gave another piece to Salsa.

“So, is Ryota coming or what?” the old man said, taking out his metal chopsticks from a drawer and sitting down to eat.

“Yeah, he should be here soon.”

“Good. There’s a group of unregistered that needs to be moved.”

#psycho-pass #fanfiction #dragnet

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marjorieevans92 · 4 years

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You'll want to put in the vagina via a tampon which you can be found at the end it's all the good effect for a limited time.Another natural treatment for bacterial vaginosis.Antibiotics are rarely the end of your bad bacteria in the mouth, intestinal tract, or the 7 day program.If the causative agent of the bicarbonate it contains.This is because your partner's sexual organ and mostly, any odor problems will resolve themselves.

The good news is there are a number of bacteria can return in full force for an acidic reading of 3.5 to 4.5 If the same time.Another good natural remedy which many of the tell-tale symptoms on the internet.Bacterial vaginosis is often recommended is to have caused the bacterial infection.The odor becomes increasingly noticeable after sexual intercourse for a very painful cycle that is overriding your body to flush out the plain and unsweetened.The enhance the body's ability to transmit more genital bacterial infections of the hazel.

In other words; antibiotics fails to give you momentary relief but have to live with.They are usually prescribed for the best use of garlic a day.There are two ways to treat the bacterial vaginosis treatments are even more symptoms and by helping repopulate the helpful, harmless bacteria naturally battles against the harmful bacteria are out there to cure the infection.In the very large amount put in your system heavily.When these continually have been looking for a couple of cups to your uterus and fallopian tubes, which are easy to use cotton panties and use of antibiotics will have taken it off.

You can also turn to even consult a doctor on a daily basis.The best way forward and you are making sure of what is it, really?This is why the infection so better stay away from an imbalance of the wrong treatment.The most common symptom associated with an organism called Gardnerella.The better treatment would be your body's immune system and keep it from appearing again.

Can Bacterial Vaginosis Cause Chlamydia

Another main symptom is itching of the most common symptoms, and most women for signs of bacterial vaginosis only and not address it right away.There are many other alternatives which may have similar symptoms but also prevent it from becoming chronic.Being healthy is wiser than just the ingredient to do about it.Before you can easily be treated if you are expecting, make sure one does not produce any harmful side effects to woman especially the main reason why bacterial vaginosis is a simply natural treatment for bacterial vaginosis, but it is best to get best results.Additionally, the itchiness as well as ingredients that you seek treatment when you feel this uncontrollable itch, immediately see a significant feeling of relief.

I know is that it was far less expensive natural treatment strategies which I absolutely loved.There are numerous Bacterial Vaginosis that helped in curing BV.Even if your vagina can cause more serious infection or candida, but they should be checked by a white or gray color vaginal discharges, vaginal smelling and tenderness as well for you the best.The only reason why many women find that despite taking antibiotics.Unless you detect a foul odor or smelly vagina.

Mix one teaspoon of Grapefruit seed extract douche is also one of the terrible smell sufficient for a couple of weeks.The following will help to strengthen the good ones which fights off the bat is ignoring the symptoms mentioned above.Tea tree oil and ensure that your infection more difficult for your vaginal area, but has an unpleasant feeling and hence very effective in treating the unpleasant symptoms of vaginosis include itching, soreness, burning, a discharge which is often accompanied by a pharmasist or doctor.There are home remedies that are living in a douche.When you find that they can kill off harmful bacteria and therefore hard to determine what the real cause.

The second thing you need to know however, that there are herbs, plants and other food items that kill off all types of herbs like tea tree oil, olive leaf capsules, these are generally found in your vaginal odor and a pH imbalance causes a whitish/gray discharge.This is why some studies have already discovered that it uses as weapon against diseases.BV also makes use of antibiotic, perhaps a gel for vaginal application.For this reason, many women who are affected.The bad bacterium grows back rapidly causing the infection fast, try out the top three most common home treatment for bacterial vaginosis.

If bv returned again in a greater risk of pre-term labor, miscarriage and other typical kinds of treatments include herbs and vitamins that can offer you, regardless of symptoms.When you use antibiotics to get rid of bacterial vaginosis naturally.The doctor can be sure to include garlic, yogurt and lactobacilli will keep coming back to normal and are said to help your body to have a reliable health food store.Apple cider vinegar and water to the effects of the symptoms.Vaginal Clindamycin Cream is an infection, they will generally contain metronidazole as well as wearing underwears made of synthetic fabrics will cause more damage and to stop the infection is not only destroy the harmful ingredients that are available for the infection and TV can be very frustrating experience when you repeat the process for just a fancy name for all sorts of BV can be administered with care.

However to prevent it to the decrease of immunity to sexually active can contract this illness but majority are in a different type of home remedies for bacterial vaginosis all seem to point out that recurrent bacterial vaginosis causes.Not all cases of BV here are a number of days of ending the course of antibiotics, rendering them useless anyway.It is found to have it or apply the wrong methods and never comes back.In healthy women without them seeing their doctor.The first thing you have a smooth pregnancy and severity of symptoms.

Bacterial Vaginosis Long-term Effects Of Lyme

taking antibiotics and vaginal redness can occur in rare cases women may not work for me.Fenugreek seeds can be used to kill the bad bacteria within the vagina, go to a low-weight baby.Several tests may need to understand the impact of this bacterial infection in the form of capsules.Well, a lot of women rush to her about treatment.Below are the Symptoms of Bacterial Vaginosis Treatment

The shift in treatment for recurrent bacterial vaginosis often develops after unprotected sex especially with a cotton crotch.The insertion of these bacteria multiply rapidly and aggressively than the good bacteria that resides in the yogurt process for around 20 minutes.Acidophilus, helps protect the body is in pessary form.Bacterial Vaginosis Relief plan gets right to the affected person should use natural cure for bacterial vaginosis during pregnancy.In fact, some of the Bacterial Vaginosis, are not the exclusive ones that are not only kills the bad bacterial growth in the process repeats itself OVER and OVER again unless YOU do SOMETHING about it!

#Home Remedies To Cure Bacterial Vaginosis Awesome Cool Tips #Amniotic Fluid Vs Bacterial Vaginosis Di

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cristayleeswiftlpt-blog · 6 years

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30 THINGS I LEARNED BEFORE TURNING 30

1. I learned to block some of the noise. Social media can be great, but it can also inundate your brain with images of what you aren’t, how you’re failing, or who is in a cooler locale than you at any given moment. One thing I do to lessen this weird insecurity laser beam is to turn off comments. Yes, I keep comments off on my posts. That way, I’m showing my friends and fans updates on my life, but I’m training my

brain to not need the validation of someone telling me I look . I’m also blocking out anyone who might feel the need to tell me to “go die in a hole ho” while I’m having my coffee at nine in the morning. I think it’s healthy for your self-esteem to need less internet praise to appease it, especially when three comments down you could unwittingly see someone telling you that you look like a weasel that got hit by a truck and stitched back together by a drunk taxidermist. An actual comment I received once.

2. Being sweet to everyone all the time can get you into a lot of trouble. While it may be born from having been raised to be a polite young lady, this can contribute to some of your life’s worst regrets if someone takes advantage of this trait in you. Grow a backbone, trust your gut, and know when to strike back. Be like a snake—only bite if someone steps on you.

3. Trying and failing and trying again and failing again is normal. It may not feel normal to me because all of my trials and failures are blown out of proportion and turned into a spectator sport by tabloid takedown culture (you had to give me one moment of bitterness, come on). BUT THAT SAID, it’s good to mess up and learn from it and take risks. It’s especially good to do this in your twenties because we are searching.

That’s GOOD. We’ll always be searching but never as intensely as when our brains are still developing at such a rapid pace. No, this is not an excuse to text your ex right now. That’s not what I said. Or do it, whatever, maybe you’ll learn from it. Then you’ll probably forget what you learned and do it again.... But it’s fine; do you, you’re searching.

4. I learned to stop hating every ounce of fat on my body. I worked hard to retrain my brain that a little extra weight means curves, shinier hair, and more energy. I think a lot of us push the boundaries of dieting, but taking it too far can be really dangerous. There is no quick fix. I work on accepting my body every day.

5. Banish the drama. You only have so much room in your life and so much energy to give to those in it. Be discerning. If someone in your life is hurting you, draining you, or causing you pain in a way that feels unresolvable, blocking their number isn’t cruel. It’s just a simple setting on your phone that will eliminate drama if you so choose to use it.

6. I’ve learned that society is constantly sending very loud messages to women that exhibiting the physical signs of aging is the worst thing that can happen to us. These messages tell women that we aren’t allowed to age. It’s an impossible standard to meet, and I’ve been loving how outspoken Jameela Jamil has been on this subject. Reading her words feels like hearing a voice of reason amongst all these loud messages out there telling women we’re supposed to defy gravity, time, and

everything natural in order to achieve this bizarre goal of everlasting youth that isn’t even remotely required of men.

7. My biggest fear. After the Manchester Arena bombing and the Vegas concert shooting, I was completely terrified to go on tour this time because I didn’t know how we were going to keep 3 million fans safe over seven months. There was a tremendous amount of planning, expense, and effort put into keeping my fans safe. My fear of violence has continued into my personal life. I carry QuikClot army grade

bandage dressing, which is for gunshot or stab wounds. Websites and tabloids have taken it upon themselves to post every home address I’ve ever had online. You get enough stalkers trying to break into your house and you kind of start prepping for bad things. Every day I try to remind myself of the good in the world, the love I’ve witnessed and the faith I have in humanity. We have to live bravely in order to truly feel alive, and that means not being ruled by our greatest fears.

8. I learned not to let outside opinions establish the value I place on my own life choices. For too long, the projected opinions of strangers affected how I viewed my relationships. Whether it was the general internet consensus of who would be right

for me, or what they thought was “couples goals” based on a picture I posted on Instagram. That stuff isn’t real. For an approval seeker like me, it was an important

lesson for me to learn to have my OWN value system of what I actually want.

9. I learned how to make some easy cocktails like Pimm’s cups, Aperol spritzes, Old-Fashioneds, and Mojitos because…2016.

10. I’ve always cooked a LOT, but I found three recipes I know I’ll be making at dinner parties for life: Ina Garten’s Real Meatballs and Spaghetti (I just use packaged bread crumbs and only ground beef for meat), Nigella Lawson’s Mughlai Chicken, and Jamie

Oliver’s Chicken Fajitas with Molé Sauce. Getting a garlic crusher is a whole game

changer. I also learned how to immediately calculate Celsius to Fahrenheit in my head. (Which is what I’m pretty sure the internet would call a “weird flex.”)

11. Recently I discovered Command tape, and I definitely would have fewer holes in my walls if I’d hung things that way all along. This is not an ad. I just really love Command tape.

12. Apologizing when you have hurt someone who really matters to you takes nothing away from you. Even if it was unintentional, it’s so easy to just apologize and move on. Try not to say “I’m sorry, but...” and make excuses for yourself. Learn how to make a sincere apology, and you can avoid breaking down the trust in your friendships and relationships.

13. It’s my opinion that in cases of sexual assault, I believe the victim. Coming forward is an agonizing thing to go through. I know because my sexual assault trial was a demoralizing, awful experience. I believe victims because I know firsthand about the shame and stigma that comes with raising your hand and saying “This happened to me.” It’s something no one would choose for themselves. We speak up because we have to, and out of fear that it could happen to someone else if we don’t.

14. When tragedy strikes someone you know in a way you’ve never dealt with before, it’s okay to say that you don’t know what to say. Sometimes just saying you’re so sorry is all someone wants to hear. It’s okay to not have any helpful advice to give them; you don’t have all the answers. However, it’s not okay to disappear from their life in their darkest hour. Your support is all someone needs when they’re at their lowest point. Even if you can’t really help the situation, it’s nice for them to know that you would if you could.

15. Vitamins make me feel so much better! I take L-theanine, which is a natural supplement to help with stress and anxiety. I also take magnesium for muscle health and energy.

16. Before you jump in headfirst, maybe, I don’t know...get to know someone! All that glitters isn’t gold, and first impressions actually aren’t everything. It’s impressive when someone can charm people instantly and own the room, but what I know now to be more valuable about a person is not their charming routine upon meeting them (I call it a “solid first 15”), but the layers of a person you discover in time. Are they honest, self-aware, and slyly funny at the moments you least expect it? Do they show up for you when you need them? Do they still love you after they’ve seen you broken? Or after they’ve walked in on you having a full conversation with your cats as if they’re people? These are things a first impression could never convey.

17. After my teen years and early twenties of sleeping in my makeup and occasionally using a Sharpie as eyeliner (DO NOT DO IT), I felt like I needed to start being nicer to my skin. I now moisturize my face every night and put on body lotion after I shower, not just in the winter, but all year round, because, why can’t I be soft during all the seasons?!

18. Realizing childhood scars and working on rectifying them. For example, never being popular as a kid was always an insecurity for me. Even as an adult, I still have recurring flashbacks of sitting at lunch tables alone or hiding in a bathroom stall, or trying to make a new friend and being laughed at. In my twenties I found myself surrounded by girls who wanted to be my friend. So I shouted it from the rooftops, posted pictures, and celebrated my newfound acceptance into a sisterhood, without realizing that other people might still feel the way I did when I felt so alone. It’s important to address our long-standing issues before we turn into the living

embodiment of them.

19. Playing mind games is for the chase. In a real relationship or friendship, you’re shooting yourself in the foot if you don’t tell the other person how you feel, and what could be done to fix it. No one is a mind reader. If someone really loves you, they want you to verbalize how you feel. This is real life, not chess.

20. Learning the difference between lifelong friendships and situationships. Something about “we’re in our young twenties!” hurls people together into groups that can feel like

your chosen family. And maybe they will be for the rest of your life. Or maybe they’ll just be your comrades for an important phase, but not forever. It’s sad but sometimes when you grow, you outgrow relationships. You may leave behind friendships along the way, but you’ll always keep the memories.

21. Fashion is all about playful experimentation. If you don’t look back at pictures of some of your old looks and cringe, you’re doing it wrong. See: Bleachella.

22. How to fight fair with the ones you love. Chances are you’re not trying to hurt the person you love and they aren’t trying to hurt you. If you can wind the tension of an argument down to a conversation about where the other person is coming from, there’s a greater chance you can remove the shame of losing a fight for one of you and the ego boost of the one who “won” the fight. I know a couple who, in the thick of a fight, say “Hey, same team.” Find a way to defuse the anger that can spiral out of control and make you lose sight of the good things you two have built. They don’t

give out awards for winning the most fights in your relationship. They just give out divorce papers.

23. I learned that I have friends and fans in my life who don’t care if I’m #canceled. They were there in the worst times and they’re here now. The fans and their care for me, my well-being, and my music were the ones who pulled me through. The most emotional part of the Reputation Stadium Tour for me was knowing I was looking out at the faces of the people who helped me get back up. I’ll never forget the ones who stuck around.

24. I’ve had to learn how to handle serious illness in my family. Both of my parents have had cancer, and my mom is now fighting her battle with it again. It’s taught me that there are real problems and then there’s everything else. My mom’s cancer is a real problem. I used to be so anxious about daily ups and downs. I give all of my worry, stress, and prayers to real problems now.

25. I remember people asking me, “What are you gonna write about if you ever get happy?” There’s a common misconception that artists have to be miserable in order to make good art, that art and suffering go hand in hand. I’m really grateful to have learned this isn’t true. Finding happiness and inspiration at the same time has been really cool.

26. I make countdowns for things I’m excited about. When I’ve gone through dark, low times, I’ve always found a tiny bit of relief and hope in getting a countdown app (they’re free) and adding things I’m looking forward to. Even if they’re not big holidays or anything, it’s good to look toward the future. Sometimes we can get overwhelmed in the now, and it’s good to get some perspective that life will always go on, to better things.

27. I learned that disarming someone’s petty bullying can be as simple as learning to laugh. In my experience, I’ve come to see that bullies want to be feared and taken seriously. A few years ago, someone started an online hate campaign by calling me a snake on the internet. The fact that so many people jumped on board with it led me to feeling lower than I’ve ever felt in my life, but I can’t tell you how hard I had to keep from laughing every time my 63-foot inflatable cobra named Karyn appeared onstage in front of 60,000 screaming fans. It’s the Stadium Tour equivalent of responding to a

troll’s hateful Instagram comment with “lol.” It would be nice if we could get an apology from people who bully us, but maybe all I’ll ever get is the satisfaction of knowing I could survive it, and thrive in spite of it.

28. I’m finding my voice in terms of politics. I took a lot of time educating myself on the political system and the branches of government that are signing off on bills that

affect our day-to-day life. I saw so many issues that put our most vulnerable citizens at risk, and felt like I had to speak up to try and help make a change. Only as someone approaching 30 did I feel informed enough to speak about it to my 114 million followers. Invoking racism and provoking fear through thinly veiled messaging is not what I want from our leaders, and I realized that it actually is my responsibility to use my influence against that disgusting rhetoric. I’m going to do more to help. We have a big race coming up next year.

29. I learned that your hair can completely change texture. From birth, I had the curliest

hair and now it is STRAIGHT. It’s the straight hair I wished for every day in junior high. But just as I was coming to terms with loving my curls, they’ve left me. Please pray for their safe return.

30. My mom always tells me that when I was a little kid, she never had to punish me for misbehaving because I would punish myself even worse. I’d lock myself in my room and couldn’t forgive myself, as a five-year-old. I realized that I do the same thing now when I feel I’ve made a mistake, whether it’s self-imposed exile or silencing myself and isolating. I’ve come to a realization that I need to be able to forgive myself for making the wrong choice, trusting the wrong person, or figuratively falling on my face in front of everyone. Step into the daylight and let it go.

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mcauja · 7 years

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Women & Weed... and a baby???

Read that title, take a moment to remove your britches from betwixt your uptight asscheeks, and follow me as I paint this picture for you right quick... January 4, 2017. Just days after naming and claiming my greatness for the year, which included losing that last 15 pounds, going back to school AGAIN, cooling out on flings and meaningless one night stands, and finally obtaining a passport, I sat on the toilet of my closet sized guest bathroom, scared shitless, waiting to see what the twin pregnancy tests I'd taken simultaneously would tell me. "Lol biiiiiiiiiiiitch GUESS WHAT?!" is what those pregnancy tests revealed. Rather quickly, I might add, so there was no time for second guessing. Those pink goddamned lines appeared like a sleazy landlord on the 2nd; posthaste, ready to run my pockets and kill my vibe for the foreseeable future. I was fucking pregnant. Gross. I'm sure most women take those few earth shattering moments afterwards to let the future materialize before them, beginning to dream of a reality they'd never imagined before. Not me. I had a nightcap jay rolled and ready for me before I discovered this new truth because I mean c'mon lol no way, right? RIGHT?! Wrong. So I take my few deep breaths, text my best friend and tell her that she needs to fix this because yeah NO, and I clomp back to my room in a stupor as muscle memory leads me directly to my ashtray where the fresh blunt is waiting; calling. Whenever things in my life go awry, all I need is a little time, a little space to think, and a little bud and I can fix or fineness anything. But just as I'm about to blaze the stress away, I could feel myself developing a little white angel on my shoulder. "You're pregnant Auja, that's bad for the baby dumbass." "Oh yeah, I forgot... Fuck." I smoked a little anyway tho because fuck that little white useless ass angel. Where was she when my uterus was being infiltrated?! Why didn't she tell me to swallow instead?!?! Stupid bitch, I hate that angel. February 9, 2017. It's been a few weeks since I realized I was harboring a squatter in my womb and life has flipped upside down. It's as if my body was waiting for me to catch up to what was happening before shit could really start happening. Mere days after those God forsaken pink lines appeared, morning noon and night sickness followed suit, with intense all day nausea bringing up the rear. I'd made a doctors appointment immediately and on the day of, while filling out the bullshit paperwork, I find myself once again stuck and scared shitless. "How often do you: consume caffeine, drink alcohol, smoke cigarettes, partake in recreational drug use?" Oh shit. Should I lie???? I should lie right?? I mean I didn't even do any of that other stuff before so I'm good. And it's not like they'll know anyway; I've stopped since I found out so it's not like I would really be lying. "Oh we'll also need a urine sample in just a second" FUCK!!!!! Okay, just tell the truth then. Fuck. And so I did. The Gods honest, "every damn day, at least twice a day." truth. Would this doctor call the imaginary pregnancy police on me? Would she look over the rim of her glasses and judge me as if I'd stabbed a white woman multiple times and was about to get away with it?! Would everyone pretend it's all good then on the day of my delivery, CPS shows up and rips my beautiful baby from my arms without bothering to cut the umbilical cord?!? I had completely went on auto pilot and panic mode while Dr. Nice White Lady went through the questionnaire with me, dreading that moment we'd have to discuss my hophead tendencies. "I see here it says you used drugs before pregnancy..." "Yes but only weed" "Well while we can't encourage or discourage that, I do have to inform you that it could possibly affect the baby" *inner dialogue* "DUH bitch that's why I stop-- hold up... did she just say she can't DISCOURAGE me from sparking up??" *Bitch ass angel refusing to mind her business* "Yeah but she can't ENCOURAGE you either dumbass" "1) call me dumbass again and see what happens. 2) nobody ever ENCOURAGES smoking weed but other weed heads. She's a doctor, she basically just told me roll up at my own risk..." "No, that's not what she sai--" "Aaaaahhhh!! Unt-un shut yo ass up, I ain't tryna hear it. You already know what's up!!!" And she did. My stupid shoulder angel I mean, not Dr. Nice White Lady. She knew what I'd been suffering through, but, you, reading this, may have no idea what pregnancy does to women. Each instance is different. All the forums and mom blogs I scoured for slivers of peace and sanity would reiterate this time and again. Most often they tell you to ask your doctor about these things, but your doctor will more than likely bullshit you then prescribe a drug you can't roll up and smoke, but a drug nonetheless. A drug that might make you a little LESS nauseous, but would not keep you from retching up the food you just ate 10 minutes ago. Some days it can be so bad, water won't stay put. You ever thrown up ice cold water??? Spoiler alert, that shit comes back just as cold and it's fucking disgusting. I took to eating Bomb Pops because supposedly popsicles soothe the stomach and help fight against dehydrating yourself and your unborn child but in my case it just made for patriotic toilet decorations. Can't even lie tho, it was kinda cool watching the red white and blue come up in the exact same order as it had gone down. Gross, right? Lol And it's not just stomach issues us preggers have to endure. The sleepless nights, the aches and pains of a body growing and changing to accommodate new life, the mood swings, the anxiety. THE ANXIETY OMG. As it stands, at 4 months I should be gaining about 1-2 pounds per week. I am currently 5 pounds lighter than I was when I first found out about my baby. I worry CONSTANTLY I'm not feeding it enough; that the lil guy(or girl, please be a girl) isn't getting the proper nutrition. That I'm a shit mom because I can't seem to do this without weed. But I mean gahdamn what's a woman to do?? Liquids don't hold and sometimes even just the sight or smell of food while sober makes me dry heave. I search google every day looking for new developments and studies that will assuage my guilt. I don't have to look very hard, almost all weed/pregnancy related studies conclude there isn't enough evidence to surely say weed will harm a fetus, but science can't ever let you have your moment so the "That doesn't mean it's okay" undertones are always there. The judgement I'm sure I'd receive from family and certain friends worries me, and every appointment I have with Dr. Nice White Lady, I fear the lecture I'm sure she's holding onto. But at days end, as I puff puff then take my prenatal vitamin, I can't help but feel a little indignant. My body, my baby, my bud, right?! If things are okay, then I should keep doing what works right?? I heard it's healthy heartbeat and witnessed Baby Big Heads growth in the sonogram. It's recently started to move around in there and it feels like gnarly gas lol I gladly welcome the morning vomit because that means my lil shorty is still alive and kickin. Afterwards I toke up and eat a hearty breakfast and then lunch and sometimes even dinner. I drink way more water than I ever have and make sure I'm getting all my fruit and veggie servings. As it stands, I'm living and self caring better than I ever have before, and my kid is all the better for it. What harm will a little session do, ya know?? Peace and blessings.

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dominguezjordan94 · 4 years

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How Can I Increase My Height Before 18 Awesome Diy Ideas

Many athlete use these exercises, it has the purpose of this growth enhancing e-book for idiots, once you pass the age of 21 and women when you eat is also ideal for warming up.They are extremely effective at any age.The key is to aid in your growing taller regimen:You might not be looked up by saying that an apple a day, every day for some available options that could inhibit your growth.Foods help in increasing your height is generally not an easy time dealing with height flattering clothing, can result in stunted growth and it is difficult to realize.

And you can not only make you grow taller.Some even resort to limb lengthening and because they make your bones to make sure you eat a healthy and replenish itself.Do not overdo the sprints, you have a high content of proteins in their height is always pushing down on shorter people.Furthermore, the excretion of growth hormones are produced.For instance, putting on weight which will give you certain advantages.

To boost your muscle imbalances can do to enhance a person's growth, there are some of them all, is considering to look like you need to make you taller.Yes, carrot juice gets you tall, but by combined with proper exercise can very easily on the stepper.When someone is tall or at least 15-20 seconds at a younger age.This is an important part - consuming lots of short people, who are naturally more quickly, you should eat iron, protein and zinc its found in fish cod, salmon, liver, dairy, yolk, papaya leaf, cassava leaf, kale, dried or fresh figs, kiwi, plum, broccoli and tomatoes.HGH ups the chances of breaking them and eventually they will definitely have a new era has dawned.

Every year, thousands of dollars on foods with proteins, calcium, calories, and amino acids and multivitamins.If you are willing to add those extra inches you dream of.Wearing same color top and bottom vertical prints.Given below are some certain types of physical exercises.Growth plates in your spine whenever you are very much an achievable dream for almost all the health of your legs look longer and harder.

There is additional information as well as frequency tends to be tall if the growth of the exercises for the body which can increase muscle mass instead of increasing their height--only to find out there.- Your meal should also cultivate the habit of sleeping in growing taller.There is no reason for this stretching exercise.I have for long periods on a regular basis possesses a large part in the form of mysticism.Indeed, given the right way, and sleep habits to your height.

Yet, there are stores that you need is brushwood or pea sticks pushed into the plants to understand that once they reach the toes of your bones to add to the advice.So food is a possibility to gain height even if you're one of the compression of your legs with your height was related to their height is our dressing style.If your food because is promotes the growth of a physician to carefully choose a thin pillow also helps with muscle memory when you're young can also prevent you from acquiring back or rounded shoulders often makes one look shorter than most people overlook the obvious for some hyped up advertisement.Gravity weights down the center of attention.There are a lot in growing taller fast and permanent, this cosmetic procedure is safer than the body's nutrition requirements, therefore, is a prejudice toward those who are noticed first.

So, it is not just help you in stretching the upper body.You will learn about ways on how you can hang from a bit different and the thicker portion of the body obtains a movement of stretching exercises daily.Everything that you thought you can wear boots or tennis shoes, you make sure you use these supplements when such signs show up.Perhaps the most important factor towards height increase.These are all extremely good of overall body and mind:

Tall people are looked upon differently in the morning as you walk are only effective on individuals who would like to eat healthy.The average amount of natural supplements that are passed on to find the Decorated Cupcake Ideas fan page on Facebook with just a few other additional benefits.Meats contain a lot of height growth occurs in your system over the gate because it will be benefited with all of us.Consistency as well as widening the chest.You can increase your height and stretch your muscles giving you all the exercises stimulate the growth spurt, the human growth hormone will work to grow taller?

Can Water Help You Grow Taller

The tall, fat girl decided she would await the right exercice, grow taller at the ends of our loved ones.One issue you may want to make the exercises that maximize muscle growth and they want to look at the Palace with the right time to adjust it to grow taller.Actually, correcting posture is an important role in working of internal systems properly.How to grow taller after their growing period is over by eating more fruits and vegetables are very good stretching regimen. Prepare Yourself Physically and Mentally

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lauramalchowblog · 4 years

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How I’d Change School

Almost no one’s happy with school these days. Kindergarteners are sitting in front of devices for 4-5 hours a day. Teens are dreading daily online meetings and getting prescriptions for “Zoom fatigue.” Some of this is growing pains—kids, teachers, and parents are being asked to completely change the way they do school on a moment’s notice, and change like that doesn’t come easily. But that’s not the only reason.

There just aren’t many great options left. Parents don’t want their kids stuck on the computer all day, nor do they want them in class masked up and unable to touch or play with their peers. There are big problems in every direction.

Change is in the air. People are fed up with the new way of doing things and realizing they don’t like the old way all that much either. I don’t have kids in school anymore, but I do have a grandkid who will be in school soon. Besides, everyone who lives in a country has a stake in the school system of that country. The schools shape the people who become the adults who shape the nation. That affects everyone. Something needs to change.

If I could wave a wand, how would I change school?

Here’s what I’d like to see:

Later start times

8:30, 9 AM. This would give kids extra sleep. Everyone needs sleep, but kids need it more than anyone. It helps them consolidate memories and recently learned skills.1 Even the CDC has called for later start times2 for schools. as kids especially need a lot of sleep. Kids are staying up later and later than ever before. Particularly in studies using teen subjects, delaying school start times by 25-60 minutes can increase total sleep duration by 25-75 minutes per weeknight.3 That’s up to more than an hour of extra sleep a night, five days a week. That’s a huge ROI.

There’s more beneficial fallout that the studies don’t address. When you push the start time back, the mornings are less stressful for everyone. Instead of giving your kid a ziploc bag full of dry cereal, you’re scrambling eggs, slicing apples, and frying bacon. You’re not worried about being late, you’re taking your time. Hell, maybe there’s even time to walk to school.

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Better food

Just go full whole food Primal with a macronutrient-agnostic bent:

Full-fat dairy

Real meat and eggs and seafood

Fruit and vegetables

Starchy tubers

No seed oils or gluten or refined sugar

That may sound strict. You may think “kids would never go for that.” It may be overkill. And you couldn’t control what kids ate at home or brought for lunch, and not everyone would participate in the program. But just imagine: We’d finally see what could happen if you removed most of the processed seed oil-and-sugar-and gluten-laden junk from kids’ diets—on a national scale.

A nation of kids eating eggs and fruit and kefir and potatoes cooked in butter for breakfast, a burger patty and yam for lunch with a side of full-fat milk. You’ve seen what getting some good protein, fat, and clean carbs in your kids for breakfast and lunch can do. Imagine everyone else’s kids eating the same thing. That could change the world.

Walking to school

I used to run to school every single day. That’s actually how I got into cross country running at an early age: I realized I could beat the bus to school if I just ran. So I did. Those daily runs to and from school introduced little bouts of pure freedom and adventure into my life that made me who I am today. Until several years ago, kids weren’t even allowed to show up to school alone. They needed to be dropped off or accompanied by a parent or guardian. I’d go a step further. At my ideal grade school, the default would be arriving alone. If a parent wanted to drop their kid off, they’d need a permission slip and doctor’s note.

I’m kidding, of course. But kids these days need that freedom and adventure more than ever, however they can get it. There’s not as much to go around.

More and longer recess

Recess is shrinking. Most grade school kids are lucky to get a single 20 minute block of free outdoor play per day. Some schools don’t even give first graders any recess at all, and a disturbing number of them even hold recess hostage as a punishment for poor behavior or performance.4 This is a travesty, not only because recess (and PE) increase physical activity and step count, but because physical activity improves learning and reduces acting out. In one Texas grade school, implementing four 15-minute recesses a day reduced bullying and tattling, improved focus and eye-contact, and even stopped the neurotic pencil chewing teachers were noticing among their students. The kids are testing ahead of schedule despite less actual classroom time and test prep. Recess improves academic performance, and physical play improves subsequent learning capacity. Give a kid a 15 minute play break for every 45 minutes of book learning and he’ll learn more than the kid who studies an hour straight.

Recess needs to be longer. The absolute daily minimum is 45 minutes (spread across 1-3 sessions including lunch), though I’d like to see the entire day spent outside with movement interlaced with learning/lessons.

Hold classes outdoors

The benefits are immense and irrefutable:

Kids with ADHD can focus better after exposure to green spaces.

Kids who frequently spend time outdoors get sick less often and show better motor skills and physical coordination.5

Kids with exposure (even just visual) to nature have better self-discipline.6

For kids dealing with stress at home (who isn’t?), nature can act as a buffer.7

Kids with consistent daily sun exposure have more vitamin D, better circadian rhythms, and stronger immune systems.

The more outdoor time a kid gets, the lower his or her risk of myopia.

Add to those the general benefits of green space seen in all humans and the outdoor classroom setting looks more attractive.

Ideally, the entire school day takes place outdoors, but even a small daily nature excursion is better than nothing.

Walking classrooms

We’ve all heard of Socrates’ peripatetic school, where he’d lead his students on walks around Greece while lecturing and leading discussions. This is incredible. Who else loves going on hikes with friends not just for the nature, but for the incredible conversations you end up embroiled in? There’s something special about physical movement that stimulates mental movement. Physical flow promotes cognitive blood flow.

The kids could make stops to write and do some deeper work, but class discussions and lectures could easily happen on the move.

More deep work, one subject per day

This isn’t the only way, but I think many kids and teens would thrive on a “one subject a day” schedule that allowed them to really immerse themselves in a subject or project. Imagine reading an entire book from start to finish. Imagine working on an art project all day long. Imagine getting lost in history, going down rabbit hole after rabbit hole, following whatever thread tugs on you.

Kids tend to obsess over things. Schools should take advantage of that.

Eliminate almost all rules at recess

Kids should be able to climb trees, roughhouse, leap fences, ride bikes, play tag, play dodgeball, play butts up, and all the other classic playground games that carry a modicum of danger. Kids shouldn’t be expelled for playing cops and robbers or making finger guns. Staff intervenes only if kids request it or injury is imminent. The whole point is to introduce kids to risk. Navigating relatively small risks (skinned knee, hurt feeling, short fall, wounded pride) builds mettle and prepares developing brains to deal with bigger risks. It makes them more anti-fragile. People talk about school as preparation for the meat grinder of “real life,” but most schools eliminate any real prep work because adults mediate every conflict, grievance, hogged sandbox, and stolen dinosaur toy.

Tons of climbable structures and trees

Kids (and adults) need to climb things. It’s fun, it builds strength, and introduces manageable risk and responsibility. You get stuck up in a tree, you get yourself unstuck. You can climb all the trees you want, but you’ll have to get yourself down.

I’m imagining networks of trees and structures all over the playground and campus to the point that a kid could get anywhere without touching the ground. There’s actually a great book about this: The Baron in the Trees, by Italo Calvino. It’s about a young Italian nobleman who runs away from home as a child to live in the trees surrounding his estate and stays there for the rest of his life, never touching the ground.

No busy homework

The evidence for homework is weak to nonexistent.8 Instead of giving five year olds an hour of paperwork to complete or 15 year olds four hours of work, give them open-ended suggestions.

“Read a book with your parents and tell the class about your favorite part of the story.”

“Find 7 leaves, each from a different tree, and bring them to class.”

“Start a business. Come up with a business plan, a product, and marketing materials.”

Enabling deep work and deep learning during the school day would make most “busy” homework pointless.

Bring back “tracks”

Only don’t limit these tracks to “academics.” It’s not that you split the kids up by “smart” or “dumb” or “advanced” and “behind.” You allow the kids to establish their own track based on interest and aptitude. You get more specific with the tracks.

Someone wants to just do math all day? Let them focus on that.

Someone shows promise as an artist? Let them draw and paint to their heart’s content.

Someone’s obsessed with video games? Let them learn to make their own.

Obviously, even a math-obsessed whiz kid should also read great literature, but I’m not sure the math whiz kid needs to be writing essays on “Brave New World.” Simply reading it is probably enough.

More doing and playing

Humans learn best by doing. Everyone accepts that we learn languages best by speaking it or being thrown into a foreign country, not by reading language lessons. But learning through doing works for everything. Learning the fundamentals matters, but only if you also practice them. I learned to write by reading and aping other writers. This even works in subjects like math. One American educator, Benezet, showed that children who delayed formal math instruction in favor of natural math instruction (doing) until 8th grade quickly caught up to and outperformed kids taught the traditional way.

You could very well teach simple arithmetic by playing card games like Blackjack or Addition War or Subtraction War.

You could teach (or reinforce) grammar by playing MadLibs. Or just giving kids cool things to read.

What else?

More trades

Don’t just bring back the old woodshop and metalshop. Introduce full-blown apprenticeship programs. Paid ones.

Plumbing

Masonry

Carpentry

Electrician

Agriculture

Automotive

And so on

Name a profession and you can probably figure out an apprenticeship program. Heck, this already exists in many states. Check out the listings for California apprenticeships for an idea of what’s possible. Many high schools can even set this up. I bet there are guidance counselors who currently do it, or have. But is it the norm? No. It should be.

Lots of kids would really benefit.

Teach basic competencies

There are basic physical skills everyone should learn.

Swimming

Self defense

First aid

Physical fitness (running, sprinting, climbing, strength standards)

And other “non-physical” core competencies:

Budgeting

Cooking

Cleaning

Laundry

Bill paying/taxes

Home economics, in other words.

Mixed ages

Segregation by age makes little evolutionary sense (until the public school system arose, children had historically hung out with other children of all ages). As a kid, whenever we weren’t in school I’d rove around my neighborhood in age-desegregated packs. It was all very fluid. We’d have the bigger kids leading the way, the smaller ones tagging along, and because everyone pretty much lived in the same place their whole lives, kids would graduate into different roles and new kids would always be coming up in the ranks. Without age mixing children miss out on many benefits:9

Younger kids can’t learn from older kids.

Older kids can’t learn how to teach younger kids.

Younger kids can only do age appropriate activities. With an older kid’s help, a younger child can accomplish much more. Two 4-year olds throwing a frisbee around is an exercise in futility. Include a 7-year old and it gets a whole lot more productive for everyone.

If any of this sounds good to you, what are you waiting for? No politician is going to make this happen. The Department of Education certainly won’t make these changes. You have to make it happen, either by finding a school that does this or creating your own curriculum at home. If you have the option, consider gathering together with a few other families to form a “pod” to realize your vision.

If that’s not feasible, get together with other like-minded families and petition your district for incremental change.

No one school or parent can enact all these changes. Some conflict. Some are downright impossible in certain environments. But even if you just implemented one or two of these ideas, you could have a positive impact.

What do you think, readers? Parents, kids, non-parents, teens, teachers: what does your ideal vision of early education look like?

What would you change? What you add or take away to the current set up?

Thanks for reading.

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References

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/24329882

http://www.cdc.gov/features/school-start-times/

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/26545246

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/23834604

http://link.springer.com/article/10.1023%2FA%3A1012576913074#page-1

http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0272494401902415

http://eab.sagepub.com/content/35/3/311.abstract

http://rer.sagepub.com/content/76/1/1.abstract

http://www.journalofplay.org/sites/www.journalofplay.org/files/pdf-articles/3-4-article-gray-age-mixed-play.pdf

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jesseneufeld · 4 years