#I just need to get into that mindset of 'I don't have to post my art I can just create to have fun'

[submergedinmadness]

everyone that is considering recovery or consider it but also agrees with this statement please please read it (I'll do a part 2 so if ur not sure about starting recovery then I want u to read it and maybe I can somehow help u)

everyone that agrees with it I can tell u that it's not true. I posted once a similar post and I'll do it again if I have to cuz the person who wrote this is wrong recovery IS possible people around me are a perfect example of it. I've never been more proud of my friends when they decides to heal and not only from 3d but overall from what they're going through. when it comes to 3d it's hard but think about it like any other mental illness, if ur struggling from addiction do u want to live with it forever? (yes addiction at some point is considered an illness) I don't think so and if u want to try to recover u can think that it'll be impossible cuz u've always lived like this but u CAN heal with the right help ur fully capable of recovering. my point is that ur mindset is the first thing u need to change and I know it'll be hard I saw my friends struggling and how much they were in pain cuz of leaving their past life and trying to live a new one but it was really worth it now I see them much happier then I could've ever imagine so please don't give up cuz it's hard it'll be hard it could be hard for a long time but as long as u want to change it and be happy then please don't give up just cuz some people here wrote it. and to y'all that reblogged it or left a note then I want u to know that I'm sorry that u think that way but it's never too late I saw some girls that were on a verge of death and I mean physically not only mentally, some of them couldn't stand on their own or do anything without help but yk what? they recovered and yes I know that full recovery is impossible but u can try to recover as much as it is possible, these thoughts won't leave u but they can be become rare and so faint u won't even hear them and suddenly u don't know when did they became this weak

okay I'll leave something for part 2 it's already getting too long and idk if anyone would want to read it but yeah if anyone read it and is planning to read pt 2 I'll ask grateful cuz I really don't want people to be in this just cuz they think recovery is impossible

"It's never too late" except it already is. Recovery isn't real. You'll always be sick. You'll always have that anorexic voice in your head.

[waitmyturtles]

Gelboys, and the Delicious Art of Eliciting Cringe

A bunch of my amazing friends are doing an amazing project in rewatching the wonderful 2019 drama, Theory of Love, and watching the romcom films that are thematically associated with each ToL episode. Their recent ToL posts have gotten me thinking about Third and cringe.

When I think about Theory of Love, I always firstly think about wanting to chuck a chancla at Third's conker.

I'm a Khai defender, even while admitting that he was a gigantic putz to Third during a lot of the series. But, as the lovely @lurkingshan said to me when I first tuned into ToL -- Third was the architect of his own misery.

Oh, indeed he was. This incommunicative wet blanket! I wanted to keep yelling at Third: if you crush on a person, they can't read yer mind until you say something about it!

Third filled me with a sense of dread and cringe. He couldn't bring himself to communicate his crush on Khai to Khai. My dread came from watching Khai continue to do his Khai things, with my knowing that Third would get increasingly heartbroken vis à vis Khai, without Third intervening unto himself to stop his cascade into misery until it was too late for him. As a viewer, I saw Third devolve, slowly crumbling into more and more despair.

In my 2023 review of Theory of Love, I argued that part of the show's brilliance in presenting such a pitiful Third at the start was a brilliant narrative move to lull us viewers into feeling a sense of implicit empathy towards Third -- a sympathetic bias that would then lead to us viewers to not question Third on his actually very questionable decisions. I thought it was such a good play on the part of the screenwriters to tease us viewers like this.

What I'm absolutely LOVING about the currently-airing Gelboys are similar feelings of simultaneous empathy and cringe for the guys in the love triangle that's been established as of episode three among Fou4mod, Chian, and Bua.

We were first presented with Fou4mod and his life deal: his wildin' family, his musical predilections, his bisexuality -- and his very strong internal demand for clarity in relationships. Surely the moment of crying in the mall to end episode one gave me the teeny-bopper shivers, but I got the strongest sense of cringe from Fou4mod's behavior at the end of episode two, when we saw him -- in real time!!! -- compromise and negotiate around his internal emotional compass for the sake of keeping the waffling Chian close to him.

(h/t @clairedaring )

That shit was just painful to watch (and it was AMAZINGLY well done). For my sake, it was particularly painful because I could so, so, SO relate to being just like that when I was a teenager.

I'm an old mom and auntie now, but ::hacking cough:: back in mah day, I remember being a 15-year-old teenager and thinking that my only rule in relationships would be that if I was lucky enough to date someone cute, then that would be all I'd need. I wouldn't demand anything else. I'd consider myself worthy if someone cute liked me back.

Cue the sirens and alarms! Someone should have, because of course, with that mindset, I got myself into a whole lot of messy-ass shit, dealing with a bunch of assholes during and well after my college years. I had a common mix of low self-esteem and and ill-conceived priorities that led me to date a string of incompatible dillweeds until I got myself into more mature relationships from my mid-20s on (with those relationships not always being perfect ones, either).

I find the cringe that Fou4mod and Chian present to be SO particularly viscerally painful because, to me -- it is SO relatable.

We have here teenagers who don't know what they're thinking, what they're feeling, what they're even doing -- because they don't have the comparative life experience to know what their actions might result in by way of what we, as the more mature and invisible audience, expect as their natural emotional ends. Fou4mod and Chian have no idea, because this is the first time they're going through these waffling human interactions, in love, dating, courtship, relationships, hook-ups, whatever.

Take even Chian's waffling and cringey behavior. I am loving all the varied takes on Chian (cc @tinrange and @mirmoria). It is so easy at this point, now that we've consumed episode three, to perhaps demonize Chian, and I definitely feel at times like I want to do that, too.

But I want to take a step back and assess Chian's existence as we know it at this moment -- from my perspective, of all things, as a worried mom, and as a former teen myself.

I love what @tinrange presented in her post about Chian's existence and status as a teenager who is very, very alone, and is looking for some kind of connection ANYWHERE, no matter how unhealthy he knows, and his friends know, those connections to be. Chian is so alone, we might even consider his current state one of (temporary?) abandonment. I love that his moment getting advice from chatGPT shocked so many of us to states of stomach discomfort.

But, also -- this kid is ALWAYS connected online. The headphones are in. Killing time with his napping and/or studying friends, watching a drama on 2.0x. Scrolling IG endlessly. Repeatedly editing his Close Friends list. Thinking about the symbolism of sharing a story to literally one person. Receiving the heartbreak, in silence, of realizing those symbolic efforts keep cyclically coming to naught as Bua flip-flops his attention to others.

Chian is in an almost constant state of distraction. During the very few times that we see him disconnected -- like the moment above, when he sees Bua with Moo after doing Bua's nails (like a chump), or the moment when he negotiates his unclear status with Fou4mod -- he is able to, finally, get in touch with the discomfort of the instability of his status with Bua. And it's clearly breaking him.

But he's not stopping the cycle, as of episode three. His wheel, for now, seems to keep turning in the same direction, back towards his attraction to Bua, almost serving Bua the attention that Bua wants, on a platter.

Chian, I'd posit, doesn't have the life experience yet to know how to break that cycle. From the perspective of a worried mom, what would I say to Chian? "That Bua guy is a POS, you gotta move on"?

My advice would be useless, we know that. We know Chian's not been listening to his friends, to the point of his friends giving up on Chian, knowing Chian is going to repeat the cycle of servitude and rejection that he's been dishing up to Bua.

But besides Chian not listening to his friends, I'll say again that Chian -- especially without the physical presence of supportive and empathetic family near him to give him perhaps sounder advice than his friends -- does not have the guidance or skill set to know HOW to change his behavior. He might only be able to break away from Bua when Bua does something idiotic or drastic. Which, we know, will leave Chian even more in the dumps -- because that specific scenario would leave Chian with absolutely no agency to change his hoped-for outcomes.

WE, as the viewers, know how Chian needs to change his behavior. But Chian, as a very wonderfully written natural teenager, has no idea how to do that yet. And I think that's just so very raw and realistic, and it's being beautifully done in this show.

What was great about Khai in Theory of Love was that, in the second half of the series, we saw him engage in very specific acts of behavioral change to get to a place to be a realistic partner to Third. I talked in my ToL piece about how behavioral change is very much the most difficult type of change a human can make.

While I don't have a lot of hope for a positive outcome for Chian (YET), I am at least encouraged by Fou4mod continuing to dally around the center of his own moral compass, hinting to Chian that he'd like an update on that status question, stat.

Fou4mod centers himself around his desire for clarity, even though he's really messing around the edges of it, eliciting the concern of Baabin. But Fou4mod still has that conviction. It hasn't burnt out yet. He has hope, and that hope is defining and disappointing him, as we see in the last scene of the episode, as he stands in-between Bua, Moo, and Chian. And unlike Chian -- Fou4mod has family, lots of it, around him, and a friend that's patiently by his side, there to comment on Fou4mod's navigation of this very titchy and ick situation.

Fou4mod has optimism and is guided by his center. Bua seems like a big ol' playa (but we'll find out more if/when we get an episode about him). While Chian, in many ways, does indeed deserve to be put into a blender, I want to make one little note of hope I have for him, something that makes me cringe at him just a tiny little bit less:

While Bua used his Close Friends list to show off his flirting towards Moo to Chian, Chian removed Fou4mod from his list before he uploaded his own flirtatious moment with Bua.

The whole IG flirting circle thing is just messy and uncool anyway. But at least Chian thought to put up a boundary that Bua himself hadn't thought of. Maybe Chian will show us a glimpse of an internal compass that we're unaware of as this series goes on.

[sophie-frm-mars]

i'm sorry if this isn't something you want to hear about anymore but having unfollowed you back when the initial callout and everything was posted, it took going through something similar a few months ago (less severe, but similar in circumstance) for me to realize just how little grace people give trans women. when they decide you're evil, you're evil, and nobody even gives you the chance to talk about it and figure out what you even actually did. i get that now. don't reply if it makes you uncomfortable, i just wanted to share that. solidarity between socially ostracized trans women i guess

Hi. Yeah I already know this, but as I'm guessing this is fairly new for you and probably feels like the biggest thing in the world, I want to let you know it isn't as big a deal as it feels like.

You just have to take personal responsibility for anything that you really need to actually confront and work on it, and for the most part work on building a life worth living. Please be brutally honest with yourself and with the people who choose to stick by you and understand it's the only way to get better. DBT worked for me. Someone gave me the advice to change up my schedule as much as possible just to shake up all my associations and get used to the idea of building a new life, and I think that's very helpful advice. They took it as intensely as changing what time of day they showered.

People haven't decided you're evil, they've decided you're socially inconvenient and not worth the effort to overcome their discomfort. Some of them on a long enough timescale will decide that they want to be friends again, if you seem stable and like you're getting on with things and not just stewing and feeling sorry for yourself. Many will not.

It's horrible and desperately, crushingly sad and lonely, and it's one of the worst things that we can do to people socially and I feel wretched that I ever participated in any capacity in doing it to anyone else, even my abuser, and it's utterly horrifying that this social dynamic exists that means it will happen so often to very unwell trans women specifically, who are already so vulnerable, but until people generally free themselves of a punitive mindset and understand where conflict and harm comes from, it will keep happening.

[fluffydeoxys]

need to stop being like "shut upppppp" to myself and treating this like my space (which it is) so! My thoughts behind my 2BD design + how it's changed in the ~3 months since I first did it.

Firstly I reevaluated how I see 2BD as a character. Obviously very grouchy and grumpy in this particular, sort of emotional sometimes subdued way. He's been alive for a while, has seen and endured many things, and has been tempered in the fires of this world. Older than Sanmos, not as old as Hank (although I attribute Hank's existence to a different kind entirely). This contributed to the shape language I decided: primarily stocky, rectangular shapes with the occasional rounded feature.

Edit: oh Ratchet from Transformers also helped/guided a lot of these thoughts and choices as well. Some overlap between the two in my mind.

He's muscled but not overtly, it's more out of necessity to defend himself and enact his goals. He prefers to do things from a distance and ends up a little more sedentary from extensive computer work, whether hacking or researching. Plus I think it's endearing in this gruff old man way. There is a softness (a roundness) that is particularly notable when he is vulnerable (dressed down, without the jacket and gloves in particular, wearing lazy clothes and especially with his mask off) so many don't get to see it.

The choice to give him a jacket that's rather ornate and cropped was partly self indulgence, but it was a conscious choice to make him look a bit... cooler? A bit of a crude way to say it but it's like "casual swag." The casual part is primarily in his pants, which are just plain and baggy with simple boots. Additionally I think I would lean more into this casualness when he's not working. When working, his mindset is different. Focused, in control. On his own, he cares a little less, and is a little more open.

As I described in the tags of a previous post, I think he has a lot of sentiment for personal details and enjoys mending and personalising clothes, albeit it has waned nowadays cus there's not much downtime. The jacket is something he's had for a long time. It's been beaten, cut, ripped, and each time he's filled it in with a new patch. Much like his own body.

The armband was subconsciously inspired by Persona 3, but it more explicitly came from the real world. Armbands usually signify some kind of occupation and rank, and I think it's a fun, cute detail. 2BD considers this operation important and I think he would take it seriously in that way, whereas everyone else kiiind of doesn't. Least I can't imagine Sanford or Deimos willingly putting on an armband to represent their allegiance. I don't know why they're working with 2BD tbf (I mean so the world doesn't . Die is a fair reason), but I guess its a messy and perhaps partially personal reason.

The cane is relatively self-explanatory in the original post, but I was quite happy with my idea that it has practical and multi-tool applications. 2BD is resourceful and proactive, almost to a bit of a pedantic degree. Plus I imagine it's 2BD supplying all those gadgets and implements when retrieving Deimos and Sanford, aside from the shit he probably steals as well.

The gloves were complete self-indulgence. I like claws. BUT I think it conveys his weird "doctor" occupation quite succinctly and gives him another cool point. Albeit I imagine I will switch to bare forearms and fingerless gloves whenever he's handling his VSS Vintorez, because they wouldn't really work well with a gun.

His colour palette ended up leaning into warmer tones sort of "accidentally", but I think it works well. Red in Nevada is a prominent, reoccurring colour that I think symbolises life (and death), and the Other Place. Zero, Hank and 2BD all have very strong ties to these concepts, so reds are prominently featured in their designs in different ways. 2BD, in my interpretation at least, is the most "human" in contrast to ZeroHank specifically. Those two are beings "beyond this world", and 2BD is the "mortal" between them.

The key on his neck is practical and symbolic, with a hint of being cute. It's just his house key, but it "represents" the idea that he is the key to open all secrets in this world. He's the one in control, the one in power, the one with answers. Plus I wanted a little piece of him that Zero or Hank could tug on.

I still think the monoeye goggles are cute, but they end up being a bit too cute for the intent of my "main" design. I will absolutely still draw him with them (especially for simplifications) but it ends up losing the intimidating quality a bit.

Also I saw that comment abt 2BD having burn scars and yeah I think I will experiment with adding those, I like the idea of them being on his face and forearms and that's why he has such prominent coverings on them. I'm not as experienced with depicting/stylising scars like that though so I might need a lot of practice.

I am pretty content with giving his scars more "story", in that a lot of them originate from being tortured during or shortly after his dissension (which is a circulating headcanon I personally liked).

Oh and here's his height difference with Zero.

Guy gets perfect eye level with Zero's chest like okay man. I'm also quite pleased with their contrasts because Zero is imposing and huge in this detached, almost cold way (additionally supplemented by her monochrome palette), whereas 2BD is imposing in this stout, grouchy way. Straight lines and curves and angular points.

Zero is still warm inside, but it doesn't reflect outwards. They're not human, they're not an existence that belongs here. Conversely, 2BD is warm, and full of "life" in this specific way. They don't quite covet 2BD's humanity, but they certainly feel something for it, like cradling a flame in a lantern.

I may revisit Zero's palette but I think I like this strict monochrome but who knows. I've always ascribed the windblown Nevadean desert to her, the desert wanderer, hellbound ghost, buuuut who knows. Maybe that could be reflected more strongly in her Magiturge form. The true self. I imagine I'll revisit it someday + perhaps create a version where her temporary "ascension" is contained in her physical form, letting it last longer at the cost of power.

Oh and I do still like 2BD's with long, soft mohawks but since I draw his fur collar in a particular way, doing the mohawk in that way felt like doubling up. Plus I love how it looks like a scratchy rough broom, it adds to his grouchiness. Pick him up and sweep with him

[riansdiary]

THIS IS THE MINDSET! THIS IS HOW YOU CRACK THE CODE! 👑

GUESS WHO'S BACK? 😏

Dearest Gentle Readers...

Hello to everyone who has always read and supported my loa blog! Thank you so much! I've been living life and focusing on my own manifestations! If I haven't been posting, it's because I simply have nothing to teach, I'm busy or I'm focusing on myself and staying away from over consuming here. But I am back with a new epiphany I've had as I was talking to myself and thinking about the law. This is how I'm doing nowadays because it's literally the easiest way for me. It is the best way for me but it might be different from you but I'm just here to share it with anyone who agrees or who needs help with manifesting. Enjoy!

Yours Truly,

Lady Whistledown 💋

These were my thoughts from where the idea for this post came:

Okay so I was showering in the bathroom when I thought of this. Again, as per usual 🤣

"What do I do if the 3d bothers me when I see around or look at my life? Because of how different it might be to my dream life. Then I thought the best trick for that is honestly to not pay attention to unwanted so you don't take yourselves to that reality back again. And my thoughts create my reality, I have to remind myself of that. I don't follow the 3d."

"Oh because Regina wore this top, you wear it too? So what, you're gonna copy the 3d like a freaking minion or a follower? No you're the queen, the boss, the trendsetter! You're the one who sets trends aka what your thoughts are! It gets created not the other way around. No you're Blair, Regina and Chanel Oberlin! You're Jennie! What you say goes! So if there's the negative or unwanted creping into your brain, flip or think of it as a question. Like someone's asking you those negative thoughts.

"Hey Rian, do you believe you don't look pretty?" like you're at a press con and I'd answer it in my mind pretending I'm at a press con or being interviewed like "Hi! Of course, I'm pretty. Literally such a visual! Right? I seriously look so gorgeous!"

Remember this.

YOU'RE THE BOSS 👏 THE QUEEN 👏 THE TRENDSETTER! 👏

YOU ARE LITERALLY -> CHANEL OBERLIN, BLAIR WALDORF, REGINA GEORGE, JENNIE, WEDNESDAY, HONG HAEIN AND MIRANDA PRIESTLY!

When negative thoughts or assumptions creep in, take it as an opportunity to create your reality and affirm. I literally invite you to get inspired, think, act, walk like these characters I've mentioned because their mindset is perfect for manifesting because we do not follow or get fazed by the 3d. You would be giving your power away and turning the queen bee to the minion, the boss to the employee, the operant power to the copywriter of your thoughts. Every time, you think negative thoughts, remember this. "Reminder: WATCH OUT, YOU'RE CREATING YOUR REALITY! CHANGE IT TO WHAT YOU WANT!" Every time you let the negative thoughts and self talk take over, you're pulling yourself away from the reality you wanted to be in. How to jump back to the right reality? Easy, if it helps you be delusional but I would say, it's not even being delusional but changing the radio channel to what you want.

This is an example situation. Oh there's ants on the coffee table? Okay let's change the channel and create the reality we want instead. What ants? There's literally not even one on the table? Stop yourself every time you check or go "why isn't it working?" You know what you're doing, you changed the radio or tv channel again. Get back to the right one and detach. This is one of my default affirmations every time my desires pop up in my head -> "No. Of course I have my dream life. Of course I have my desires and that's final." It can even be as simple as "I have my desires" or a code word which means you have all your desires like for me, I sometimes say Lumos from Harry Potter because it's short and easy to say.

Go on, I invite to affirm naturally like one of those characters I mentioned. It helps me think more naturally if I embody their mindset and confidence. You tell it like it is! Don't forget that you lead the 3d so don't be shy to remind it sometimes.

👑 Now let's reiterate everything 👑

You’re the Boss. The 3D Follows YOU.

You’re either the leader of your reality or a follower of the 3D. And I don’t know about you, but I am not a follower.

Think about it like this: If Blair Waldorf wakes up and sees something she doesn’t like, does she just accept it? No. She fixes it, flips it, and commands what she wants. She doesn’t follow trends, she sets them.

So why are YOU following the 3D? The 3D is not your boss. It is not your reality. You are.

Step 1: Stop Reacting. Start Dismissing.

🩷 Friendly reminder that it doesn't matter if you cry or let it all out when you're upset as long as you go back at it after that and stand up. It is only not beneficial if you fall, you cry and you stay on the ground.

💅The 3D is like an annoying follower trying to tell you what’s in style. Are you just gonna copy what you see like some clueless minion? Or are you gonna be the trendsetter and make reality follow you?

🚫 If the 3D shows you something you don’t like, dismiss it. Reject it. Don’t react. Don’t spiral. That’s not your reality. Twist that dial and change the channel! Like this! Choose your favorite character and think like them! Or better yet, do it in your own commanding style because you know you're the operant power.

🗣️ Say it like Chanel Oberlin:

❌ "Ugh, as if. That’s not my reality."

❌ "3D, I don’t think so. I already have what I want. Catch up."

🗣️ Say it like Blair Waldorf:

❌ "Excuse me? That’s not my story. Reality, fix yourself. I always get what I want, and this is no exception. Now, try again."

🗣️ Say it like Jennie (BLACKPINK):

❌ "Oh? The 3D wants to test me? Cute. But let’s be clear. I already have my desires. End of discussion. Try to keep up."

🗣️ Say it like Regina George:

❌ "Wait… you actually thought I don’t have what I want? That’s so embarrassing for you. Reality follows me, not the other way around. Now, let’s never speak of this again."

🗣️ Say it like Hong Haein (Queen of Tears):

❌ "Hmm? Oh, I literally don’t care. I already have what I want. This is just old news trying to stay relevant."

🗣️ Say it like Wednesday Addams:

❌ "The idea that I don’t have my desires is almost… laughable. Reality bends to my will, not the other way around. Let’s not be ridiculous."

🗣️ Say it like Miranda Priestly:

❌ "Oh. This again? Boring. I have my desires. That’s all." (sips coffee, doesn’t even blink at the 3D's attempt to shake her.)

You don’t react. You command. The 3D doesn’t tell you what’s real. YOU DO!

Step 2: Flip It & Set the Trend.

The 3D isn’t in charge, you are. So when you notice something unwanted, take it as a cue to affirm your real reality.

Instead of thinking: “Ugh, why don’t I have my desires yet?”

Think: "No. Of course I have my dream life. Of course I have my desires. That’s final."

You don’t wait for the 3D to show you something good to believe in it. You assume it and the 3D has no choice but to follow.

Step 3: Live Like It’s Already Done.

If you already had your dream life, would you be questioning or doubting? No. You’d be enjoying it.

So act, think, and feel as if your dream life is already real. Because it is.

Final Boss Affirmation:

"3D, listen up. I have my desires because I said so. That’s final."

Say it. Mean it. Live it.

That's it. That’s the game. You don’t follow the 3D. The 3D follows you. You're literally hypnotizing the 3d. Because that's what your job is, that's what you do and when you don't stand in your power, you let the 3d take it from you.

[fayewoodss]

I've been pushed to an extreme recently and I need to get this off my chest for my own sanity. I've been ignoring this for months and doing what I can to avoid it, but things have increasingly gotten worse and I'm at a breaking point.

I know there are a lot of people keeping tabs on my blog for all the wrong reasons. This has led to a lot of my posts, fandom related and not, being taken and manipulated in ways to frame me negatively and warp any and all of my genuine intentions. I've done my best to address situations brought directly to me in good faith and with sensitive context, but everything has gotten out of hand and turned into a situation that has left me paranoid, anxious, and distraught. I need it to stop, even though I know it most likely won't.

This all started with my first drawing of the Dream Team girlfailures au in November and how I drew Claire. I understand the issue people had with it and I recognize some of the counter arguments and their valid points, but I think I explained my points well and they are equally valid. I stand by my explanation and I won't be rehashing all of it. The most I'll say is that my representations of cc!Dream in fandom context and of Girlfailures!Dream/Claire as an AU character are derived of a similar foundation but the latter is a fictional entity and not the real man.

I am always open to critique and discussion, but the feedback I've received and the long standing fixation on that art piece hasn't always been good faith critique, and has much more often been harassment and degradation of me as a person. That one drawing has led to an ongoing issue with what I would consider to be stalking and harassment.

Mar, @/cuntdrolo, has made at least 50 posts about and/or involving me, in those either directly linking my blog, indirectly mocking me and my posts, and harping on topics and discussions I was an active participant in. She claims none of this is harassment and stalking, that all of it is derived from me being a "sensitive golo" and normal fandom drama, when it's not. This hasn't been about fandom drama for a long time.

The only time I've directly interacted with her was to send her this message today:

She responded and blocked me, which is what I wanted, but has continued to post about me and this entire situation (which involves other people but I won't be dragging them into my part of this).

Here is a list of every post about me since mid-November. A few links I know for certain are missing, but I was unable to find the posts and two screenshots I had from that time saying I deserved to be killed for my art were deleted long ago. You will have to take my word for that unless I find them, but I understand and respect it if you don't.

I know she won't stop. I know there are people who will agree with her and support her, seeing only one side of this all. I don't care if people like my art. I don't care if people like me. I just want to be left alone and enjoy this fandom space without feeling like every action of mine is being watched and picked apart to an audience that doesn't know me and doesn't care to know me.

I've been in fandoms my whole life. I've dealt with plenty of fandom and personal drama. I've never experienced something to this degree of obsession, stalking, and harassment. I know a lot of this may get twisted back on me, but know I've done so much to ignore this and move on, but after this week with so much more being brought to my attention. I cracked.

Do not go to her blog. Do not interact with her posts. Do not send her anons. Do not involve yourself in this beyond reading this post and understanding my current mindset.

I don't want to be involved in this anymore. Stop making posts about me and leave me alone.

Thank you.