#I just need to get into that mindset of 'I don't have to post my art I can just create to have fun'

[teoft]

It's like Tumblr has become almost a diary for me, thanks to no character limit and a read more button. This atmosphere of acceptance and understanding helps a lot too.

I'll get back to posting actual art, juggling with Twitter and Bluesky along with commissions is taking up a lot of my time.

Anyway, thoughts about art community and being social

For the longest time I've had this feeling of being an outsider in this vague community of artists that see as colleagues of sorts. Like I meet all the "criteria" of being in the group, and yet don't really feel like I'm part of it. Well, it seems I am right in some way, and the reason is that they interact with each other, while I sit here drawing alone.

Unfortunately I've always been prone to isolate myself from others. I grew up feeling like I should be ashamed of loving to draw, since it was always fanart monsters, creatures and cool guys instead of "proper art" like animals and portraits. Before social media, I only drew for myself and never showed anything to anybody. I hid my art from my family, from the world, so that I wouldn't be judged. I think it is one of the biggest reasons why I have trouble interacting with people in the context of art (tbh I'm shit at being social anyway but that's a whole another problem).

Even when I had a scanner and means to post my art online, I never did, due to the whole "if you put something online it'll be there forever" mindset. My first actual account anywhere online must've been Facebook in 2010ish, where I only had a few friends. It was the perfect place for me to finally post anything online, and so I did: I used to post pretty much everything I drew on there. Slowly gaining courage, I eventually made my original Tumblr account, then Deviantart, Twitter, etc.

Still, all I did was throw my art out there in hopes of somebody liking it. I didn't really know how to interact with the people who commented on my posts, so instead I mostly just... made more art. I did have some friend groups here and there, but either they ended up falling apart or my social battery drained in such a way that I slowly drifted away. I had gotten used to just being by myself and relying only on myself in the online art world.

During my design studies, I started putting more thought and work on promoting myself, so that it could be one career path for me to take. My mindset was that I'll work hard and become "big", even if it meant that one post gained me just one follower. In 2020 I ended up going viral with a meme and suddenly getting tens of thousands of followers. It was great and a welcome boost of morale, but unfortunately 2020 was otherwise one of the worst years in my life.

Throughout the years people have come and gone, so the only constant for me has been myself, and my drive to develop my skills. Thus it's been too easy for me to just isolate myself. In a way it has been my strength with regards to art, but sometimes I wish I knew how to make lasting connections. I think/know I might be autistic to some degree, which adds to the difficulty of being social. Though, to be honest, I don't know if I'd gotten this far without my autistic hyperfixations.

I guess the thing I need to do now to fix this problem of loneliness and isolation is to just... slowly try and be more social. To reply to comments and talk to people. All of which is easier said than done. Still, just gotta take that first step and then keep going.

Despite lacking the kind of community I yearn for, it seems I've made a name for myself, enough so that people seem to take pride in knowing me. Or at least that's the impression I've gotten a few times. But still, I am happy that I've had a positive effect on people. After all, my two main motivators in art are that I like doing it, and I like when people enjoy my art.

[fjdkdhdben]

RANT - why am i so lonely?

I don't usually post emotional or personal things, but i felt an odd need to write this out and post it, maybe to find common ground with others or just to vent.

I feel like i'm in this weird place in my life where everyone i'm close to is farther away then i realize. I have friends, i always have, i'm an easy person to talk to and i'm not (generally) rude, but i still have this lingering feeling that something or someone is missing.

I wondered for the longest time if i just pushed others away but i realized i'm trying to pull people closer, just not enough. And for a long time i thought maybe it was because i am single? I have never dated or been romantically involved with a person so i don't really know if thats it, i'm scared that i will at some point scratch that itch and still get nothing on that lingering loneliness. Or that maybe they don't reach my dramatized and fictionalized expectations of a partner i've made up in my head and normalized. I don't feel close enough to my family either, its not that even though i do feel out of place.

I have a couple friends i talk to often and enjoy but i don't think i have genuinely had a friend i felt so close enough to for more than 2 years, which seems like a lot but it isn't. I see people who have known each other for their whole lives and i get this bitter feeling like maybe its me, then another side says its not me. I also feel like its the universe warning me its not time yet.

But it feels like its bound to be time soon, i think i'm just stuck in this mindset and in reality i am happy and i am close with others, then again i find myself laying in my room bored and solemn with no one blowing up my phone with messages or calling me or asking to hang out or coming over. I feel like maybe i'm just romanticizing my inability to connect with others because of my tendency to point out others flaws quickly, its a bad habit of mine to judge others and stick with it.

I sort of think that maybe i'm that sort of person you aren't close with but are good friends with, maybe thats something i have to accept or maybe its not. I wont know until it hits me, and i beg it hits me soon.

[dayvan]

"honestly the more i think about it the more bullshit that “curly knew jimmy was about to crash the ship and let him do it because he wanted jimmy to do it” theory sounds to me."

Wait, that's seriously a theory people have? I get that people don't like when people in the fandom woobify Curly too much, but this is going way too far in the opposite direction!

buddyyy if that's too far for you i GUARANTEE some of the takes i've seen about curly would make you feel like you're going crazy. sometimes i legitimately feel like i'm from an alternate universe and i played a completely different game from these people, but i'm aware that a lot of it is fans reacting to fans instead of caring about the text of the game itself, and the reactionary mindset cannot comprehend that "bad person" and "good person" is an useless metric when dealing with realistic abuse dynamics.

re: that theory in particular, every time i've seen it it's mostly presented as an extension of the interpretation that curly's inaction is born out of a desire to maintain the title of "the good captain", just taken to its extreme logical conclusion, that curly implicitly agreed with jimmy's plan to murder them all so that (curly) can die a hero instead of suffering the consequences of his inaction. it's an insane leap in logic in my opinion, ESPECIALLY with what we know about how deeply unhappy Curly is with his job and how badly he wants out, but some people really take this for granted and think that curly freezing after the conversation right before the crash is evidence that he gave jimmy the ""permission he needed"" [< PROBLEMATIC CONCEPT WHEN IT COMES TO JIMMY] to doom them all.

i don't like policing how people interpret media so i just don't engage with those posts but it's just so corny to me. to be clear i don't think you have to like curly to understand the themes of the game but i will personally find it bad analysis if you disregard half of the contents of the game to formulate some universe where curly is ill-intentioned and purposeful in his blindness. when you have that bias, anyone trying to introduce nuance into the conversation is immediately flagged as a curly glazer/apologist in your brain and it closes you off to any deeper discussion of the writing in the game. This sucks for me personally because i have many feelings about curly and i want to violently beat him over the head with a broom, i just happen to want to do that to the actual character instead of this made up villain i keep seeing people talk about

[deoidesign]

.

[rileys-battlecats]

i really gotta get better about listening to my own brain and needs when i'm making things. i've been working on a video and i'm almost finished (yippee!!), but drawing this One Specific Frame was giving me trouble. i could have just brute-forced my way through it and finalized the initial sketch, since it was relatively good enough. but instead i left it and took a day off from working on the project, let myself recharge, and came back to the sketch with fresh eyes today. and what do you know, my redrawn sketch today is WAY better! now, i can finalize that frame and be genuinely proud of it, instead of just powering through on something i was less than happy with.

i hadn't done any other art stuff that day when i couldn't get my sketches to look right, so letting myself stop and have a break from the project felt sort of "unearned" i guess. but it's just. what i needed! and the break did what i needed it to do; i was able to come back later and make something i could be proud of.

anyway i guess this is me saying that, if you're like me and have this weird morality-complex about letting yourself rest, it's ok to take breaks, even if you feel like you haven't "earned" one yet :)

[slumbergoblin]

hey

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

Fanwork creators self rec! When you get this, reply with your five favorite fics/art/podfics/etc. that you've made, then pass on to others. Let’s spread the self-love 🌼

(No pressure if you don't want to though!)

Hope you have a good day! ✨

ah damn ok uhhhh i'm still very happy with This Rojade piece, My Murder Boy, this Flight Rising thing, this Julie one, and my DC fantasy fic copper & gold <3

[iftitah]

.

[rolandkaros]

election thoughts

calling trump voters 'dumb' is ignorant. some of these people are dumb but a lot of them are just selfish.

blaming third-party voters is ignoring the issue re: over half the country was willing to vote for trump anyway. likewise, pointing out that trump won the popular vote and that third-party votes wouldn't have made a difference is ignoring the voting system. conversations about third-party voters in general are not fruitful. some people are just going to vote third-party and expecting them to suddenly not do so is naïve. there is no scenario where third-party voters should have been the 'tie-breaker' to begin with.

a lot of people (americans and non-americans) don't understand how the electoral college system works and in general i'd advise you to do some research before you share your take. americans you should know this anyway and don't use the excuse of "i wasn't taught" if you have tumblr then you have the internet so look it up and start reading. i don't expect non-americans to know a foreign country's voting system but if you want to share an opinion please take a bit of time to learn about it before you do. i'm tired of seeing the same dialogues by people who clearly just don't understand the actual structure of the voting system.

pointing fingers at different demographics you think are to blame is useless. if you're going to find a group to blame, then blame the majority, i.e. white men and white women. otherwise your blame is completely unhelpful and misplaced.

saying she only lost because she's a woman or a poc (or both) is also misguided. its not entirely wrong but once again you are misunderstanding some fundamentals of how extremist politicians find success, and likewise are ignoring some obvious issues re: the democratic party and their campaign strategies.

equating education to intelligence to voting preferences in general is ignorant. you are forgetting how many factors go into someone actually receiving formal education. you are forgetting how many factors go into someone's state of residence. i was going to explain this further but i think no one cares so i'm not going to bother because the explanation got too long. also, see point 1. there are plenty of very smart people who vote for trump anyway.

talking about abandoning the south or red states is pointless and if i hear or see anybody suggest such measure i am automatically assuming you are a foul person. equating democratic states to morally or inherently good and republican states to morally or inherently bad is such an unbelievably superficial and foolhardy judgement and goes against all principles of unity and community that we should be fostering at a time like this.

americans ignorant to the effect that us politics has on the world need to wake up.

i don't blame non-americans for their resentment against the sphere of influence of us politics but i wish they would be less dismissive of the genuine effects this election will also have within america.

acting as though anybody doesn't have the right to be scared about the implications of this result is shortsighted at best. my concern goes beyond my own afflictions – how can you say that concern is misplaced?

i have more but i think that's it for now bc its kind of exhausting to talk about. and i guess what's done is done. idk. i'm not hopeless at all. but i'm fearing more and more than the hope i insist on having is childish. but the alternative is complete self-destruction and i have no intention of going down that road again. so childish hope it is.

[smores100]

hey.

so. haven't been around for quite some time, mostly due to my health issues (the usual + muscle aches and joint pains, i'm having a great time), but also in part due to The Situation. it's hard to care about anything with everything that's been going on, it all seems so pointless and meaningless, i'm living in a completely different universe from everyone else here. wish i could be that privileged, but alas. it's also hard being around here, and on other social media platforms for that matter, and seeing the raging antisemitism and sheer hate everywhere. i haven't checked my dash in almost 2 months, haven't checked specific blogs like i used to either, and have no plans on doing so anytime soon. i know what i'll find, i don't want it.

i was gonna stay quiet like i ususally do, especially since i genuinely don't have energy for anything rn, but it's been 2 months and i've been biting my tongue and screaming and crying into my pillow daily and i just need to get some of it out before i implode. there's only so much ignorance and hate that one person can take before snapping, so. here i am.

i have so much i want to say, i've written a million posts in my mind in the past 2 months, but i'm too Tired to actually write them down, and it'll just be one big messy ramble anyway, so i'm just gonna reblog a couple of other people's posts and make do with that. just a couple, don't worry, i know these are issues most either want to avoid dealing with or the opinions shared in those posts are a complete 180 degrees from what's trendy to believe in today. but i have to share it anyway. for 2 months i've been terrified, frustrated, bitter, angry and absolutely heartbroken, but there's one thing i haven't been, and that is ashamed. i'm proud of who i am. i'm proud of my people and their spirit. you will never understand what it's been like for us, what it still is like for us, but let me just say this: they wanted to break us, they wanted to break our spirit. they failed. we've never been more united. they just made us stronger.

so i'm gonna reblog some stuff so i can get it out of my system and move on. at worst i hope you just ignore and scroll past it; at best i hope you keep an open mind and maybe for the first time read things from a different pov instead of just the one sided propaganda everyone is continuously exposed to. maybe you'll see it isn't all black and white, maybe you'll see there are nuances you're not even aware of, maybe you'll realize you've been fed a lot of misinformation, half truths and even lies over the years. maybe. if you have questions or want to have a mature and civil conversation about it, feel free to msg me and i'll try and reply when my health allows me to, i'm open to discussion. if you want to unfollow me after this, feel free to do so. i'm not gonna force my truth on anyone, but i'm also not gonna change who i am for anyone either.

and on a more personal note, i wanna say thank you again for the msgs i've received last time and haven't replied to (due to health, Situation etc), and for the ones i've gotten since (will get to those soon i hope). i do feel the need to say this tho - i did have a peek or two at my dash and on twitter earlier on and saw some things. i was in a super sensitive state at the time and it was pretty disheartening ngl. it's hard nowadays, with all the hate going on and public opinion being what it is, to know whether or not you're still welcome in these spaces, whether or not people still like you and care about you, or if you've officially become persona non grata. most days it feels like the latter tbh. i just don't know where i stand. i said i'm not gonna force myself on anyone and i'm not, so if you're still ok with me…i guess the ball's in your court? 🌻

thanks for reading. thanks for sticking around, to those who decide to do so. take care y'all. never again is now. am yisrael chai. 💙

[izzy-b-hands]

Trying to make my brain do anything today has just been case after case of 'well, half-assed is better than nothing I guess.'

[silverior968]

I hate being sick even more now than I did before my brain surgery, because while I was at the hospital my nose was stuffy because of how high the AC was. So, now whenever I breathe in with my stuffy nose, for a second I feel like I'm back at the ward with a stitched up neck.

As a side effect I crave chocolate pudding because one of the employees in charge of feeding the patients, whenever she was making her evening rounds she'd be like "here's a treat for you" and give me chocolate pudding (actually 2 of them on the first day that I could eat). I would have gotten the pudding anyways, but her calling it a treat made it feel way better. I hope she's doing well.

Anyway yeah now that my nose is stuffy and I feel sick I wish I could have a chocolate pudding, but I don't have any, can't walk to the store and don't want to ask my parents to bring me some because I get the feeling that when they told me to call if I needed anything, they meant like cleaning or buying necessary stuff. I think I'll buy some when I get better, though

[defiant-firefly]

In terms of what I've been up to lately, I'm planning on massively overhauling my bedroom (I still live with my parents and with the way the economy is going, I seriously doubt that's gonna change any time soon) because these meds have made me more aware of just how badly I need a space that suits me. I have big ideas, and hopefully this treatment stuff will help me realise them, even if it takes for fucking ever. Like, the skills I'd need to learn for this would be quite numerous I would say so yeah it's a difficult project, but a big one I can gradually work on over time with other stuff I wanna do so maybe I'll get somewhere with it. Literally, after we moved here years ago, we put wall paper on one wall and I had plans to paint the rest of the room but I did one wall, and an unfinished pegasus onto it and we did nothing else to it. Same with the rest of the house honesly. Only room that got finished was the paint in the kitchen. After all this time, the exact same off-white walls everywhere and the grey carpets have kinda killed it for all of us I think, but now that I have an actual emotional requirement for a room that's comfy, cosy, and very much me, I'm gonna see if I can change that.

Dad also says if I actually go ahead with my little dream project of putting a train track high up on the wall that goes all around the room, and it actually looks good (cause I don't do things by halves okay I will take the idea and run marathons with it), he'll let me put another one in the living room themed on the ocean. It pissed mum off because it's not something you're supposed to have in a living room, and she doesn't want any guests assuming the worst, but she's wrong. An ocean themed model railway around the room would be unique, interesting, fun, and loved by everyone worth the time of day, in my humble, totally unbiased opinion.

Speaking of mum, she's gained an interest in making the garden look nice. We were gonna work on a pond and stuff together but she's kinda just doing her own thing so I'm gonna get a bunch of Diglett and Dugtrio garden ornaments and gradually hide them around the place until she notices. She won't stop me! She's used to my shit! But I'm wondering how much I can get away with before she notices the Diglett takeover lmao

[rollercoasterwords]

i am once again asking people not to share my writing if u aren't going to credit me!

this is gonna be a bit of a rant i think. sorry but also i'm just fed up at this point lol

i've already. mentioned this or talked about it a few times on my blog but like. here's the ~official post~ i guess because over the past year i have lost count of the amount of times i have come across a post--usually on twitter or tiktok--that is quite literally just a direct quote from one of my stories copied and pasted without a single reference to where it came from or who wrote it.

so like, quick reminder:

this is not a quote.

"adding quotation marks to it does not make a quote."

"a quote is only a quote if you QUOTE THE PERSON WHO IT CAME FROM." - rae, @rollercoasterwords tumblr blog

does that make sense???? PLEASE tell me that makes sense. to make it even clearer:

if you are going to quote my writing in a tweet, please include AT LEAST my ao3 username (rollercoasterwords) and also, ideally, the fic title that you are quoting from. if you want to throw a link to whatever ur quoting from, great! but like. at the very least, all i am asking is that you add "quote" - @rollercoasterwords on ao3

if you are going to quote my writing in a tiktok, please include AT LEAST my ao3 username either clearly in the video itself or clearly at the very beginning of the caption, where anyone looking at the video will be able to see it immediately. please don't just put credit in a tag at the very end of a long caption where it isn't clear which tag is the fic title the quote is coming from; please don't just put it in a comment that not everyone will open and find; please don't just put it in a response to someone else's comment asking you what fic the quote is from. and please don't put no credit at all--i've seen tiktoks of my own writing without even quotation marks to let people know that it's a quote! like...at that point you're just plagiarizing my writing for...what? tiktok views? like. ok.

other writers might feel differently about how you credit them when quoting them, but for me--this is what i'm asking. just. at the very least, clearly include my ao3 username, so that people know who wrote the thing that you're sharing.

and like. i think there's this idea that you're doing me a favor by sharing my writing, in any capacity, on the internet. and at the risk of sounding harsh, i want to be very clear: that isn't true. if you are sharing my writing without any indication that it is even mine, then you are not doing me a favor. you are taking something that i worked very hard on and using it to get a few likes for yourself. i know that it's fanfiction, and i know that once i post something on the internet it is, to a certain extent, outside of my control. but like...this isn't something i'm profiting off of. it's not something i'm trying to get the most views possible on. the only reason i'm sharing it on ao3 is so that people who appreciate it can find it, and so that i can connect with those people who take the time out of their day to leave a comment or send a message saying "hey, i loved this, thanks for sharing it!" i would rather have only 5 people see my writing and like it and genuinely connect with me over it than have 5000 people see my writing and like it and never have a single one of them know who actually wrote it.

anyway. i'm not trying to sound ungrateful, y'know? i do truly, sincerely appreciate that there are people out there who have been moved enough by my writing to want to share it with others. but this isn't a numbers thing for me, ok? the amount of people looking at a thing i wrote is not what makes writing worth it to me, and i would truly, genuinely, just rather not have a single person share my writing on twitter or tiktok than have like. fifty people share it without crediting me.

[imwritesometimes]

every day is just a really lengthy, excruciating self discussion of 'you are not actually a horrid fairy tale monster looking creature and it's ok to take up space and exist and you're gonna be ok bitch you still have worth it's ok' and I'm very tired all the time

[nexus-nebulae]

I need to get better at sorting problems from non-problems