#I just need jan fifth to come then I won’t have to think about texting jon

[auckie]

Yknow I’m pretty introverted. Like I’m not shy at all, I just like it quiet usually and won’t talk unless you’re talking to me and I got shit to add. I like my privacy and LOVE my own company, don’t mind being around old folks and I’m used to putting up with ppl who annoy me bc I’ve always lived with roommates. My best friends tend to move away too, and I’ve made good ones who live hours worth of driving away. So in general covid has probably been easier on me than some freaks who need to like hug and constantly talk. Especially bc I’ve actually been quarantining since it started. Last time I saw a friend was October, like without masks. And she’d been quarantining, working from home too. Two days ago I met with a dude to ice skate and have coffee outdoors. Masks for the most part, short. I don’t even like him too much so it hardly counted. Anyways. My point being I think 9 months is my limit. I can hand 8 months of solitary confinement, doing work I despise and not seeing friends, no concerts or aquarium or thrift stores or drugs or smoking or movies or dick appointments. Trying my damndest not to get a job that would expose my stupid ass old fuck parents to illness even tho it’s meant saving less money to move out after college. Trying to ignore the siren song of moving across country and coming out and going to bar tending school and grad school or whatever the fuck bc atm it’s not practical and above all I’m always trying to look out for what’s best for number one: ME. But I think. 9 months is my absolute limit. Constant geriatric foolishness. Closeted. No privacy. NO LATE NIGHT NACHO FRIES EVEN THOUGH THEYRE BACK. No dick calls that don’t require a week of preplanning and minimum an hour of driving. I know this is peak first world problem complaints I know I’ve had it worse being psychotic and starving and I am very comfortably housed and fed. But the way some friends of mine are acting is driving me insane they show me pics of all their little homies having an orgy and here I am, with like seven preexisting conditions. Waiting patiently for a fucking vaccine! Yknow my base nature is to be one of those fucks who questions like. Flouride in the water evil in the air like I’m not a full blown nut job bc I’m Jewish and gay and Mexican and autistic so I can’t afford to be but beleive me thank Gd I’m not white! And cis! Bc I would be. You know what I’m saying. Look at me I’m spelling ok rihjt now. Well there’s one I’m not gonna fix my phone auto corrects to rihjt bc I misspell it so often. Listen to me. Look at me. Look at me. I am the captain now. I am LOSING it and lexapro ain’t doing shit I am this close to texting my old plug and asking if he still sells tabs and just throwing my hands in the air and going full blown schizo. I MISS BEING A WHORE!!! I WANT TO GO TO THE FAIR AND SUCK COCK!!! I WANT TO MAKE FRIENDS WITH NEW NAUTICAL FREAK FUCKS!!! WHEN?! MY BIRTHDAY IS IN A MONTH AND IF BY MARCH I CANT AT LEAST GET A DATE FOR WHEN I CAN GET VACCINATED I AM SAYING FUCK IT ALL AND MOVING TO LA DO NOT FUCK WITH ME. I don’t mean any of this. Disregard all of this excuse me it’s because I have a dark heart. I’m fine. I’m strong actually. Stronger and better than you. Because you’re out there just having sex all Willy nilly like you’re not living with your MOMMY AND YOUR DADDY YEAH. STOP! Ok

[inexplicifics]

How do neurodivergent people exist in your AU?

I’ve taken a couple of days to think about this, because it’s an important question, and I guarantee you I won’t get it completely right; for the errors I will undoubtedly make, I apologize in advance. But here’s what I’ve got so far:

It varies, both by culture and by variety of neurodiversity.

I know I’ve seen posts going around pointing out that people on the autism spectrum, or with neurodiversities that make them more sensitive to noise and light and so on, might well have had an easier time dealing with the world when the world wasn’t so damn loud. The AW AU doesn’t have electricity, after all; no constant buzz of lights and machinery, no artificial fluorescent lighting, so on and so forth. Someone who develops a strong interest in, say, weaving might well become a particularly noted and respected weaver, lauded for their work ethic if considered maybe a little strange in their personal interactions. Someone who prefers the quiet of sitting out watching the sheep could become a very successful shepherd. Concomitantly, in a world with a very low literacy rate, many people with dyslexia or dyscalculia might not run into nearly as many problems as they do in the current age, when literacy is pretty much required to get by in society.

On the other hand, this is a universe with magic and - notably - fae folk, and there’s a theory I’ve seen a couple of times that legends of changelings were created to explain neurodiverse people - children who were “normal” until suddenly something happened and then they were Odd. I could see that same legend taking hold in the AW AU, with all the attendant nastiness that would go with it: people trying to get their “real” child back by means both baffling and, often, cruel. Alternately, “changelings” might be treated as signs of the fae’s favor, or as god-touched in some manner, depending on the society around them.

On yet a third hand, one of the things that makes humans people and not just bipedal apes is that we care for our tribes. There’s strong evidence in archeological records from back into the Stone Age of such things as children with Down syndrome (and the heart conditions which commonly go along with that disability) who survived well into adolescence and were buried with items that indicate they were well loved, or adults with significant physical disabilities who clearly lived to ripe old ages despite those handicaps, and were valued members of their tribes. (Even that one golden-eyed priestess down in Egypt, who must have been terrifying in real life.) People in the actual real-world Middle Ages did care for their kinfolk who had physical disabilities or assorted neurodiversity, and I can’t imagine that would be any different in the AW AU.

On a fourth hand (I’ve had to borrow some hands from somewhere, please don’t ask where), we see with Yennefer’s backstory that people are often unkind to those who have visible differences of one sort or another. Someone with, for instance, Tourette syndrome might well find themselves in a worse case than someone with a less easily noticeable form of neurodiversity.

On yet a fifth hand (be honest, you’d all guessed I was an octopus, right?), the people of the European Middle Ages were...superstitious I think is the best word. Many of the people who got denounced as witches or demon-possessed or otherwise Evil would quite likely have been neurodiverse and therefore Odd, though of course there’s also the stuff about women and especially women with medical training running slap-bang into the whole mess between female midwives and male doctors (insert digression about witches and broomsticks and brewing and how beer-making switched from being a female to a male art and medicine switched from being a female to a male art and along the way the women who did either got quite literally demonized...that’s a couple of essays right there and I don’t have time to pull sources). That level of superstition probably doesn’t get any better in a world where there really is magic.

That’s...all I’ve got right now, I think, for the wider society.

In Kaer Morhen...Witchers are, and know themselves to be, Odd. They don’t fit into human society, for an abundance of reasons, starting with but not limited to their intense distaste for lying, their absurdly long lifespans, and their inhuman physical abilities; moreover, they haven’t been taught how to live in human society, nor to react to various things as humans do. So against a background of Oddness, further Oddness might not be as notable, or matter as much. A Witcher who memorizes everything there is to know about monsters and will tell you about it in detail, after all, is a sensible Witcher. A Witcher who is sensitive to loud noises might well have an edge in dangerous situations. A Witcher who counts his potions almost constantly and is extremely precise about how he arranges his gear is a Witcher who will be able to find what he needs the instant he needs it. A Witcher who has trouble understanding and articulating emotions, both theirs and others’...is a Witcher. But there are a lot of forms of neurodiversity, and I’m not sure how well all of them would fit into the frankly unpleasant life of a Witcher pre-Warlord.

Witchers consider humans to be baffling and strange most of the time. A human who doesn’t act quite like other humans is just a different flavor of baffling and strange. When a Witcher meets a neurodiverse person, he probably chalks any unusual aspects of the interaction up to “Witchers don’t really understand humans anyhow” and goes on with his day. A neurodiverse servant at Kaer Morhen, assuming they were good at their job and got on with Witchers and the other servants, would probably be given any support they needed; I can’t imagine Jan would let a good, loyal worker slip through his fingers for silly reasons.

There definitely are neurodiverse people in the AW AU, though saying that when I haven’t explicitly put any on the page is a bit...useless, really. And attempting to claim that some minor character or other is neurodiverse after the fact, when I’ve put no evidence of it in the text, feels very cheap and downright insulting to my readers. (And writing neurodiverse characters respectfully while using period-typical terminology is an interesting challenge, and one I shall have to put some thought into.)

As you may know, I welcome headcanons and plotbunnies and other people playing in this AU. If people want to fling headcanons and plotbunnies at me, about Witchers or human characters and their possible neurodiversity, I’m happy to add them to the Horde and see what comes of it. And if people want to write their own fics with neurodiverse characters in the AW AU, I’ll be delighted to read them.

I’ve gone and written an essay, Anon, and at the end of it I’m not completely sure I’ve answered your question, but this is what I’ve got. I hope at least a little of it was of use.

[kerwritesthings]

Dance Your Way Into My Heart

Summary: It’s more than just that feeling of love, it’s the actions, and the talk of forever

Word Count: just a little over 2.6k

Warnings: more soft, squishy, lovely words with a side of wedding fluff

Author Notes: So, this is my 10th ‘full-length’ one shot in this verse which boggles my mind since it’s ONLY been about a month (a day or two off actually – I first posted late the night of Jan 18!) since I started writing around this fool heart. I think he, and this place, the people and the creativity, really came to me when I’ve needed it the most. Sooo, now that the emotional nonsense has been blithered out. Here’s a little something for that…

Funny enough that this all hit me the Wednesday/Thursday before any of Josiah’s wedding stuff hit. Another pretty photo reblog from @rainbowshawn​ that set me on a spiral of ohhh shit I can see him singing at a super casual wedding like this and then the next thing you know I’ve busted out 500ish words on my Notes app on my phone while at a bar waiting for my friend before seeing Moulin Rouge on Broadway that night, total aside THE SHOW IS AMAZING – listen to the OBC album cause it’s bomb, however I digress. 

As always, these can be read as stand-alone one shots, but they all fall under the umbrella of this verse of mine. Reading the previous would provide some context. Masterlist can be found here!

As soon as she asks, Shawn immediately said yes. He's such a sucker for love and weddings and basically anything to make you happy. So, when your best friend asks you if you’d think he would be willing to sing at her wedding, you mention she would need to talk to him and ask. So, she flies up for a weekend under the onus of coming to hang out with you. However, she takes him to lunch one afternoon just the two of them, his favorite place downtown, nervous and anxious. However, you understood it was a shoe in. It was sweet though she wants to go the extra mile with him.

“You knew?” he asks, flopping down on the couch next to you, head immediately falling in your lap as soon as he gets back home. 

“Mmhmm,” you mutter, hands automatically winding through his hair. “Told her she needed to talk to you though. Maid of honor duties only go so far you know. What did you say?”

“Yes, duh. Of course, yes,” he replies, eyes fluttering shut as he relaxes into your touch. “Didi is your best friend, she’s the closest thing you have to a sister. Of course, I’m going to sing for her for her wedding. Plus, it’s going to be so super chill and laid back. I told her to give me a few things she and Tomas like and I’ll work around with that. I also told her I want first dance duty. No wedding band or DJ should have your bestie’s special moment.”

“You’re something else and I love you. Thank you, sweetheart. It means a lot to her. And even more to me,” you whisper, leaning down to dust a kiss to his forehead, another to his nose before reaching his lips.

Didi can’t stop raving, gushing and thanking you and him. The key smash texts are adorable and you both appreciate the lovely case of rosé champagne she sends over. Tomas, separately, takes him for a boys night at Maple Leafs game next time he’s in town as a personal show of thanks for helping his future wife. Shawn takes his role seriously, copious notes and hours locked away in his studio practicing or grumbling some days. It’s heartwarming to see how much care he took in this. “At some point, she’s practically going to be my sister-in-law, so yeah,” he blushes, after explaining the latest iteration of songs he’s going through. “Plus, it’s her wedding day. Needs to be epic and as perfect as possible. I’m going to make sure it’s that.”

He says it so nonchalant, so matter of fact, and without hesitation: At some point, she’s practically going to be my sister-in-law. It hits you square in the gut. You both know how deep your feelings run for each other, and you’ve had a few abstract talks, a few serious ones too, along with a more pointed talk specifically about the future. But you’ve never heard him speak of it with such assured conviction. Like it’s happening soon. You just look at him, jaw slightly dropped and eyes wide. 

“You’re gonna catch flies like that my dear,” he smirks, tapping his pointer finger up under your chin to close your mouth. Before you can reply, he leans in to kiss you sweetly, slowly and thoroughly. 

“You know you’re my forever,” he sighs against your lips, just a hair away from yours. He presses a soft, quick peck to both corners of your mouth before one squarely against you. “I’ve thought about it a lot more lately. Since Santa Barbara and our breakfast by the pool, really. Of us doing this ourselves and what our wedding would be. I know the new album and the tour, and all that shit is a thing happening, but I also know you mean everything so…”

You don’t know what to say, tears forming at the corners of your eyes. You just look at him, hand coming up to cup his cheek. 

“This is not going there now, because this would be a lame as fuck as a story to tell on how I proposed to you, but just know. I’m thinking about it. Really and truly,” he reveals through a bright smile. “I love you, so, so much baby.”

You can’t help but shift your arms around him, face nuzzling into the side of his neck. This boy of yours. He’s something extraordinary. 

At the rehearsal dinner, you spy him and Didi in deep conversation before you’re all due to sit down for dessert. 

“He won’t tell me what they decided on, Didi either,” you explain to Didi’s sister Renee, as you head towards your table. “They’re being sneaky little shits, but you know Dee.”

Renee laughs, “Are you really surprised? After you’ve been friends for this long? It’s sweet of your man to be willing to do all this for them. I’ve already warned all cousins and the brothers’ idiot dates they are not to fawn over him, that he’s beyond happily taken by the maid of honor, and that if I see cell phones obnoxiously in the way at any point this weekend, I’m breaking them in some way.”

You hear his laugh before you feel his arm wrap about your waist. “This is why Renee is the best. She won’t take anyone’s shit. Even from her own family. Thanks girl. Appreciate you having my back,” he smiles, fist bumping Renee. “I owe you one.”

“Holding you to that, Mendes,” she grins widely. “Just make sure this one doesn’t lose her shit this weekend taking care of my sister. But I will gladly use that marker, especially next time your hot friends are around. Speaking of, I should go check on my parents, make sure my brothers haven’t done anything stupid.”

“Is Didi driving you batty?” he asks, guiding you into your chair. “She seems okay tonight.”

“Crowd around, her parents, Tomas’ family, she’s holding her own but there was some stupid family shit earlier,” you exhale, grabbing a hold of his hand to lace through yours, before tipping your head against his shoulder. “It’s nothing that I didn’t expect to deal with this weekend. She’s nervous, worried, second and fifth guessing things. I get it, this is a lot. She just wants to be married already.”

Shawn dusts a kiss to your temple, “You’re such a good friend. You’re lucky to have each other. Tomorrow’s going to be great. Worse case, steal my flask and get her a little saucy before she walks down the aisle.”

You elbow him with a giggle, “You would suggest that, but you may be onto something. Thank you though.”

The next morning is a whirlwind of champagne, bobby pins and lip gloss with a soundtrack full of laughter and a lot of fighting back tears. You also may have sung along to your boyfriend’s last album, dancing around like you would do in her room when you were kids to your favorite songs. Didi’s suite is a buzz with her sister holding down the fort, cousins popping in and out, along with her mother and her future mother-in-law. At one point, after the glam team is gone, you finally have a moment alone with your best friend while her mom and sister go to grab her dress.

“I am so happy you’re deliriously happy,” you whisper, hugging Didi tightly before more folks come in. “You two are good together and I’m glad you found him.”

Didi sniffs, “Thank you, I know I’ve been insane, and you’ve been a saint. Your boyfriend too. Shawn has put up with me changing my mind on stuff like 17 times and he’s just rolled with it. You’re a lucky one too. He’s so fucking over the moon for you girly. Soon roles will be reversed, and you’ll be able to pay me back with your own crazy.”

You both scurry about to get into your dresses. With the wedding taking place at the botanical gardens, Didi decided she didn’t want fussy for anything around the ceremony. Her dress is a stunning V-neck sheath of flowy creamy, buttery chiffon, tiny flowers woven through her hair in place of a veil. Tomas’ grandmother’s necklace, a vintage diamond and pearl strand, lays just at her collarbones. You try not to cry but think back of the two little five-year-old girls who would play wedding in your grandparents’ back yard. “Oh Dee,” you sniff. “Tomas isn’t going to know what hit him.”

She smiles, her eyes just as wet, and reaches for your hands. “I couldn’t be up there without you, bestie.” You hear the flicker of a camera, knowing the photographer is back catching your moment and you’re grateful. “Your boy either. I know you hemmed and hawed about black for a wedding, but this dress is great.”

You’re the only one standing up with her, she didn’t want anyone up there with her other than you. Renee understood and was happy she didn’t have to wrangle a groomsman. She picked a black maxi, swirled with larger flowers in shades of pink and white. Your hair was up, a flower like the ones in your dress tucked in the mass of curls her stylist pinned about. Your bouquet is in a similar palate, while Didi’s has some purple, her favorite color, woven through. 

“Let’s go get you married,” you say handing off her bouquet and tucking her arm under yours. 

“Hey pretty girl, funny seeing you here,” he quips, his lips dusting against your bare shoulder, before tracing a finger across your back. You’re all outside the courtyard waiting to enter for the start of the ceremony. You turn to face him. He’s a vision, because of course he is when isn’t he, in black floral-patterned button down, similar to your dress, along with dark pants. What’s more interesting is that his beloved acoustic strung across his chest.

“I may have told Didi I would play all her walk-in music too,” he nods bashfully. “I wasn’t going to let them use Apple Music or Spotify or even worse some awful wedding singer.”

“You are something else, Shawn,” you reply, squeezing his hand tightly. “Really want to kiss you but I can’t mess up the gloss.”

He places a whisper of a kiss on your forehead, “Love you. I need to go get into place. Atmosphere music. Think I may sneak in one of my own in there before the processional stuff.”

You laugh, pushing him towards the archway of greenery, “Go be wonderful.”

He’s set up at the back of the courtyard, seats all set in front of him. He’s weaving melodies, no singing, just soft rhythms from his guitar. The space is perfect, green and lush and smelling lovely, a swath of flowers at the end of the path where Tomas waits. You make your way down and turn to watch for your best friend. However, before she arrives you take a moment to appreciate Shawn. He catches your eye, smiles and winks, mouthing love you before he sees the wedding coordinator waiving over at him. 

He starts in on “Marry Me” when Didi arrives at the back of the aisle with her Dad. Your breath catches in your throat, the combination of seeing your best friend and hearing your boyfriend hits you hard. She starts making her way down when he begins on the chorus. You see Tomas out of the corner of your eye, and he’s got a hand over his mouth, eyes brimming over with tears. The ceremony is the perfect balance of exactly what Didi and Tomas are. Their vows are intrinsically them. They look every way that a couple getting married should. Glowing, in love and only eyes for each other. It’s hard not to let a tear or two out. 

The reception is in the atrium of the gardens, under a massive domed stained-glass skylight, still lush with flowers and greens. Everything has been exactly as Didi has hoped. Meanwhile, your boyfriend is mysteriously missing. You’re sipping champagne with Renee and her boyfriend of the moment, while looking about for him. 

“Last I saw him he was setting his guitar up before the rest of the musicians came in, don’t worry,” Renee starts, clinking glasses with you. “He’ll be back.”

He makes his way back into the atrium, and surprisingly he’s changed, a little dressier now in deliciously fitting black suit pants and a white button down, the glint of his silver chain obvious even from where you are. You excuse yourself from the group and steal Shawn away before he needs to soundcheck for their dance. You just want to have a moment with him before everything gets crazy, heading out to the patio just off the atrium, which is blissfully quiet. You wrap your arms around his waist and just hold him. 

“You okay baby?” he asks, as he starts to sway with you, shifting your arms around his neck so he can pull you closer. 

You nod, smiling, “I just needed you for a minute without all that is all.”

“You can have all the minutes you ever want or need,” he says, kissing you lightly. 

“Sorry to break this up, please believe me I am, but my sister has decided she wants to get a move on,” Renee calls from the doorway. 

“Duty calls for both of us,” you murmur, leaning up to kiss him once more. “Save me a dance or two?”

“All the slow ones at least,” he agrees, rubbing his nose against yours. “I’ll see you out there.”

Didi didn’t want a whole production with entrances, she wanted a few bars of song then for her and Tomas to start dancing straightaway. So, poised at the edge of what they have set up as the dance floor, with a good angle to see them once they walk in, as well as your boyfriend, you wait. Shawn starts playing, something floaty that that doesn’t sound familiar to you. The pair make their way in and as soon as they hit the center of the floor, he begins. 

“Not talkin' 'bout a year, no not three or four. I don't want that kind of forever in my life anymore,” he sings gently. “Forever always seems to be around when it begins, but forever never seems to be around when it ends. So, give me your forever, please your forever. Not a day less will do, from you.”

The song is beautiful, he sounds amazing, Didi and Tomas as just love personified as they dance. He fades out slowly at the end, a light strum to close out. 

“Thank you for letting me be such a special part of your day. That was Ben Harper’s Forever. Didi, Tomas, congratulations and love to you both,” he expresses, blowing a kiss to the two of them with his hands, you can see his emotions clear across his face. He heads back, as the band starts up, packing away his guitar before making his way over to you, now at your table.

“Wow,” you sigh, hand coming to the nape of his neck to sink into his curls. “That was something else, my dear. Didi fucking owes you.”

He blushes, ducking his head bashfully. “I’m just happy I could give them that moment. First dances are something really special. They deserved to have the best moment possible. Plus, that’s an awesome first dance song, not the usual. Makes it even better.”

“My hopeless romantic,” you muse, tracing haphazard patterns over the top of his hand that rests on your knee. 

“Just you wait,” he smiles, kissing you. “Now, I’m on good authority the next song is a slow one, so may I have this dance?”

He stands, holding his hand out for you. 

“You can have every single one, all of them from now on.”

TAG LIST: @whenidance​, @parkerdavis​, @sinplisticshawn​, @hollandraul​, @fallinallincurls​, @itrocksmysocks​, @rainbowshawn​, @lasingphomustra​, @illumecherry​

*Always feel free to ask to be added to the tag list! 

[thrashermaxey]

Ramblings: McDavid Injured, Poehling Hattie In Debut, Autopicking Ain’t That Bad (Apr 7)

With this being the last day of the regular season, this may not be a typical Ramblings in terms of running through all the boxscores. Sure, there were some noteworthy highlights that will be mentioned. However, I’ll also note various end-of-season happenings as well as some notes heading into the playoffs.

*

Connor McDavid left his game on Saturday with what was originally feared to be a broken leg, but x-rays on his leg turned out to be negative. He’ll be scheduled for an MRI back in Edmonton.

{youtube}bni6Jp6p4P8{/youtube}

We still don’t know the exact severity of his injury or the timeline for recovery, but we at least it sounds as if we don’t have to worry about him not being ready for next season. On the surface, it might not seem like a big deal because the Oilers won’t play games that matter again until October. However, significant injuries will interrupt previously scheduled offseason training plans. Consider Brock Boeser’s slow start this season as an example, after he recovered from a significant back injury and a lingering wrist issue.

McDavid may not have led the league in scoring (he finished second). However, he is the only player not to go two consecutive games without a point, which is remarkably reliable.

McDavid’s unsightly injury overshadowed Leon Draisaitl scoring his 50th goal earlier in the game. We can say he earned that 50 goals, and not just because he plays for the Oilers. Higher-than-normal shooting percentage (21.6%) aside, that 50-goal total is legit because none of Draisaitl’s 50 goals were empty-netters. Even with the shooting percentage that signals favorable luck, Draisaitl also took over 200 shots (231) for the first time in his career.

As for the Oilers themselves, it’s now just one time in the last 13 seasons that they’ve been to the playoffs. The fact that they employ two 100-point scorers and still miss the playoffs is telling of how rough a state this team is in.

Johnny Gaudreau was another player who was flirting with 100 points, yet with an assist on Saturday could only get to 99. Bill Peters tried everything in his power to push him up to 100, gifting him 27 minutes in icetime! Still, his speed and ability to put up points in bunches were a major reason that the Flames were able to take that next step as the Western Conference’s top team in the regular season.

Matthew Tkachuk and Sean Monahan were scratches for the Flames, while Mark Giordano and Elias Lindholm returned to the lineup. I managed to get the latter two back into my lineup, though I wonder if it was worth it with the lack of sense of urgency from the Flames in this game.

*

In case you missed it, your playoff matchups are now set:  

#StanleyCup Playoff Matchups#GoBolts v #CBJ #AllCaps v #TakeWarning #Isles v #LetsGoPens #NHLBruins v #LeafsForever #GoAvsGo v #Flames #GoStars v #Preds #VegasBorn v #SJSharks #STLBlues v #GoJetsGo Home Ice advantage TBD

— SiriusXM NHL Network Radio (@SiriusXMNHL) April 7, 2019

The Jets, by the way, secured home ice in their series with St. Louis with a 4-2 win over Arizona.

Look for our Experts Panel coming up soon, where our writers will pick the winners in each first-round series, the Stanley Cup finalists and winner, the Conn Smythe winner, and the top 5 in playoff scoring. Don’t ask me for my picks yet, because you’ll see them in there.

*

The interactive playoff draft list is ready for download now! Don’t wait until five minutes before your draft or deadline to purchase it. If you haven’t already preordered it, get yours today! If you have already purchased it, jump right in. It’s available in the Downloads section on the Dobber website (login required for the site, not the forum).

Once you purchase the draft list, please take a moment to get familiar with it before your draft. Read the Instructions tab before you begin using it. The Excel spreadsheet file is interactive (macro-enabled) and not just a “list.” The point total projections depend on which teams you set to advance, or you could go with Dobber’s picks if you’re really not sure. I’m not trying to make it sound super complicated or anything, but it’s better to be prepared. Hey, we just want you to win your league!

Also, please make sure you try logging in, so that our admin team has enough time to take care of any password resets before your draft!

*

Auston Matthews and Fabian Brunnstrom are two relatively recent players who posted hat tricks in their NHL debuts. We can add Ryan Poehling to that list, as he scored his three goals plus a shootout goal in the final game of the season, a 6-5 shootout win for the Canadiens. There isn’t much that we can do with that today, aside from remembering his name in keeper leagues for next season. Poehling is a center, which has been a thin position for the Habs in recent seasons, although it seems to be an area that they’re trying to address with Jesperi Kotkaniemi, Nick Suzuki, and Poehling all in the system.

It will be interesting to see whether Poehling makes the Habs in 2019-20 or he further develops his skills in the AHL. The 2017 first-round pick just turned pro after finishing up with St. Cloud State, where he scored 31 points in 36 games in each of his last two seasons. I’ll take a wild guess and assume that he’ll end up with production somewhere between Matthews and Brunnstrom.

You can view Poehling’s Dobber Prospects profile here.

*

Nikita Kucherov scored a goal and added an assist to lead the Lightning to a 6-3 win over Boston. Kucherov finishes the season with 128 points, which is the highest single-season total for a Russian-born player. Kucherov will also win the Art Ross Trophy as the league’s leading scorer and should be considered the fantasy MVP in pure points leagues as well as many multicategory formats. Expect him to be the top-ranked player in fantasy playoff drafts as the Lightning should be considered the favorite to win the Stanley Cup. Or to Don Cherry or Brian Burke (can’t remember which one), they’re the easy pick to win.

By the way, the Lightning tied the 1995-96 Red Wings for the most wins in a season (62). Their 128 points are the fourth-most in NHL history. There’s a lot of hockey left to be played, but this could be their year.

The noteworthy “healthy” scratches for this game included Brad Marchand, Patrice Bergeron, Torey Krug, and Brayden Point. Expect all three to be ready for the playoffs. However, these final-day scratches were a recurring theme throughout the day. I’m going to give this shutdown of the final week idea some more thought in one of my leagues this offseason.

*

With a goal and an assist on Saturday, Sidney Crosby has reached the 100-point mark for the first time since the 2013-14 season. Crosby had finished with between 80 and 90 points in each of those previous four seasons, so his scoring numbers have been fairly consistent if you factor in the scoring inflation that happened this season.

In the end, there were six 100-point scorers this season. Kucherov, McDavid, Patrick Kane, Draisaitl, Marchand, and Crosby. I mentioned Gaudreau just falling short, as did Nathan MacKinnon (99 points) and Steven Stamkos (98 points). Aleksander Barkov finished with a career high of 96 points, which rounds out the top 10. To compare, the lowest scorer in the top 10 finished with 89 points last season, and all the way down to 75 points and 77 points in the two seasons before that. Further proof that scoring is up.

*

Have we seen the last of Roberto Luongo? I was hoping that he would go out with a win on Saturday since we don’t know for sure yet, but it was not meant to be. Lu allowed four goals on 27 shots in the Panthers’ 4-3 overtime loss to New Jersey. It’s sounding more and more like the Panthers will go after an established starting goalie (Sergei Bobrovsky, maybe?) Assuming that the Panthers find a way to part with James Reimer, would Luongo accept a role as a backup in order to keep playing? I keep thinking that the inevitable result is for Luongo to go on LTIR before his contract ends in 2022, which would save both the Panthers and the Canucks (especially the Canucks) on significant cap space known as the cap recapture penalty.

*

Erik Karlsson returned for the Sharks on Saturday after missing the past 17 games with a groin injury. He was held without a point but was a plus-3 in 22 minutes. He should be available as normal for playoff pools.

Evander Kane scored his 30th goal of the season, which is the first time since 2011-12 that he has reached that total. The Sharks are now the first team with four 30-goal scorers (Joe Pavelski, Tomas Hertl, Timo Meier, Kane) since the 2008-09 Red Wings and Flyers.

*

I competed all the way to the bitter end in my Experts Roto League representing the Dobber brand, but alas I fell just short. Congratulations to David Petrie of The Hockey Writers, who started the day in third place but pulled ahead of both Jan Levine of Rotowire and myself. Levine and I tied for second place. Look how close the results were (type CTRL+ to make your browser text bigger if it's hard to read):

As you can see, fellow Dobber expert Eric Daoust finished in fifth place.

Sometimes victory isn’t quite meant to be, but my biggest weakness turned out to be goals. Yet all I would have need to win was to move up 1.5 points, which with these standings turned out to be three stinking goals. I scored 353 goals all season, but I could have won had I scored just three more goals to get up to 356. In fact, I could have advanced 3 points had I scored just five more goals than I did. A long season can come down to the smallest margin of victory.

The other point that I wanted to make was that I autopicked this team. Yes, autopicked. A word that serious fantasy players want no part of. I wrote about this in a Ramblings in late September, describing how I had prepared for this draft that I would not be present for due to other commitments. I’ll let you read how I did it, but in the end I’ll give a ton of credit to Fantasy Hockey Geek for what turned out to be a successful season. Being able to enter all my stat categories into the Geek, then using Dobber’s projections (tweaked a little to my own likings) to spit out custom rankings for my league is invaluable. I was then able to move players up and down the Yahoo pre-rankings according to how the Geek ranked them. I absolutely recommend the Geek without reservation.

I probably could have used the waiver wire more (Petrie made 73 moves, while I made just 22). However, I kept my first 13 picks for the entire season, only dropping the 14th pick (Chris Kreider) late in the season when he was battling an injury and I needed to maximize my games played. The funny thing is that earlier in that Ramblings, I suggested that Elias Lindholm’s ownership needed to be higher (just 18 percent at the time) because he would be a more ideal linemate for Gaudreau and Sean Monahan than James Neal. Lindholm was my 15th pick and was just 18 percent owned in Yahoo leagues at the time. Now I’m deciding whether he should be one of my four keepers for next season. Funny how that worked out.

I’m not suggesting that I prefer autopicking over live drafting. Although there’s that feeling of control with picking your own players, autopicking might not turn out as bad as you might think. I’ll try to attend next season’s draft, since I may not want to pick my second goalie in the 15th round (I can keep four players before the draft, including one goalie). But at least I know that I might be fine if I can’t make it and moving the date/time is impossible.

This league can be viewed publicly, so you can take a closer look here.

*

Like many of you, Bob Cole has been calling hockey games longer than I’ve been watching them. That familiar voice will be missed. I used to hate seeing him get criticized on Twitter, knowing that calling play-by-play is not an easy job, so I sure hope this isn’t Sportsnet putting him out to pasture. Here’s another solid HNIC montage on some of his great calls. Mr. Cole is a Canadian treasure.  

"The truth is you have to sell the song with your sincerity. That's Bob's magic. He sings the game." – @RonMacLeanHTH

Tonight the voice of Saturday night, Bob Cole, calls his last #HockeyNight in Canada. pic.twitter.com/F6TctTw2qn

— Sportsnet (@Sportsnet) April 6, 2019

*  

Today, we remember the players, families, friends, and entire Humboldt Broncos community affected by the bus crash a year ago #HumboldtStrong pic.twitter.com/uXA6U0ZkTK

— TSN (@TSN_Sports) April 6, 2019

*

For more fantasy hockey information, or to reach out to me directly, you can follow me on Twitter @Ian_Gooding.

from All About Sports https://dobberhockey.com/hockey-rambling/ramblings-mcdavid-injured-poehling-hattie-in-debut-autopicking-aint-that-bad-apr-7/

[intruejessiefashion-blog]

Why isn’t a little, ever enough?

It’s January 5… the first week of 2017 and most of us are back at our desks. Some of our colleagues are still making their way back from wherever they went, leaving us with plenty of time to draft a very clear, very concise “work” to-do list. It also leaves us time to mentally draft our not-so-clear, kinda-never-ending, not-to-mention-near-impossible “personal” to-do list: Cut food, cut booze, workout everyday (no — twice a day!), never eat out again, cook all meals always, and throw out iPhone (after making this list of course).

The beginning of January marks the annual body, mind, life overhaul that is not only unsustainable and extreme, but will no doubt fall by the wayside at some point (by February if you’re lucky). So why do we do it? Why do we set these extreme goals for ourselves knowing we won’t meet them? By doing so we are not only implying that we are complete messes who need to get it together (there is a good Make America Great Again line in here somewhere) but we are also setting ourselves up for failure, and in turn, another lengthy list come 2018.

We are setting ourselves up for failure, and another lengthy list come 2018.

It’s the fifth day of January and my phone has already received the following text preaches: This month I am… cutting out all dairy and gluten; doing sober Jan; going on Whole 30; only consuming 500 calories 3 days a week; working out every single day.

And while I sit up on my high horse baffled by this behavior…. I’m throwing stones, as they say. I found myself perusing Gilt’s Blue Print Juice Cleanse deal before remembering the time I attempted a juice cleanse and lasted until lunch on day 1 because — oh ya! You’re not supposed to only consume liquids.

When it comes to matters of the body and mind, why do we let the fads and opinions buzzing around us be the driving forces towards a healthy and happy self? Why not trust the 30 or so years of experience you have knowing what makes you feel great without attempting to transform into Gwyneth Paltrow?

I just got back from Reykjavik and it was magic. And not just because I went five days without the honk of a horn (not one), but because I had five days filled with less: less gossip, less social media, less space, less negativity, less money spent, less food consumed, less water wasted, less clothing, less choice, less noise, less fuss. Did I momentarily freeze when I saw the size of my room and location of toilet — in the shower? Yes. But I ended up cherishing the simplicity and ease of it all.

Why do we temporarily attempt to transform into Gwyneth Paltrow every single year?

I crave less every time I return from Europe, and in doing so, feel much fuller. So instead of throwing out my phone and working out 7 days a week (as if either were an option), I’m just going to do less and be more.

I’m going to unfollow anyone on social media who brings noise to my brain. I’m going to turn off all notifications on my lock-screen (except for news — real news); And only see texts when I am actively looking for them. In turn, I’ll think about those people who are not texting me less and think about those texting, when I want to.

It’s January 5 and instead of doing it all, I’m going to do less and be more because I don’t think we were such disasters 5 days ago. We are fine. The world? That’s another story.