#I just like drawing mean bitches! I hate you Whitney.

[dee-snut]

Overzealous whitney hater here. Please show us more of your art of this british soggy expired french fry haire loser. GOD I HATE HIM !! ❤️❤️

YEAH I FUCKING HATE THAT GUY!! Anyways expect more art of him in the future bc I have severe Whitney brainrot (this is a cry for help)

[ae0nx]

FRUITS BASKET EPISODE 10 AKA THAT BASTARD, SHIGURE

Ok... I just wanna let you know now... that I might swear a lot in this recap, all because of this super shady guy... and if you’re uncomfortable with it then this ain���t the one for you

I hate love him. This is gonna be a long one, sorry!

- Oh no! Kitten is having a nightmare... Also, his mirror is covered... am I reading too much into things? (a bit of a stupid question considering this anime)

- Did they add some extra visual flourishes to the opening or have I just been non observant and more so distracted by the beautiful opening song? (Still in love with it after 10 episodes)

- Hana’s cuckoo phenomenon 😂I love her but she definitely reminds me of those people who are naturally gifted and super intelligent but never use their gifts unless they feel an emotional draw to do so or if it is directly affecting them and their happiness and wellbeing... Another Shigure parallel... huuuh...

- The ‘Kyon-Kyon’ nickname is always so cute, I love that he’s so used to it now that he doesn’t even object to it. Although his mind was kind of preoccupied so...

- Outfit appreciation time! I really liked Kyo’s jacket! It suited him! Green is a good colour for him. A solid B grade.

- What a grade A shit stirrer. I can’t. And is it just me or are they drawing Shigure extra sinister in this version?

DIS BITCH. I’m so worried. And I don’t know why I like it but I just dooo *twirls around listening to Whitney Houston’s ‘So Emotional’*

- Ok this is where my memory of the manga fails me and I don’t know what any of this means but I’m fascinated and horrified and Kyooo what happened?! (Don’t tell me) (EDIT: I JUST LOOKED A LITTLE CLOSER AND TOTALLY REMEMBERED. OH SHIT. Still trying to put the pieces together as to what this moment has to do with how Kyo feels about Yuki...)

- It’s a simple thing but I like the way they frame Kyo’s beads in certain scenes throughout the show... I just realised how weird that sounds if you don’t know the full story lol

SO.

GOSH DARN.

GENTLE.

My heart...

- It’d be a beautiful moment if I didn’t despise Shigure and Akito so much... and also on the low-low... it kind of gave me ‘Jacob falling in love with Renesme’ in Twilight kinda vibes? Icky...

YOU IN DANGER, GIRL. Although, there was something very gentle and sweet about the way he said goodbye to the kids in the english dub, kudos to John Burgmeier. I’M SO FUCKIN CONFLICTED.

This was a really interesting moment! Tohru not being sure how Shigure actually feels because he is always smiling made me parallel it to her earlier moment with Kyo in the forest.

Kyo using his anger at Yuki and pretty much everything to protect himself and his fragility (or ‘innocence’ as Hana put it) is interesting when you put it in comparison to Shigure who uses his cheery disposition as a ruse from whatever twisted plans he has in mind. I dunno, I just thought it was funny how in this situation, the guy who’s always smiling is the most sinister. 

I do love parallels.

And yeah same, Yuki.

- I had the same reaction when I rewatched Pokemon 2000 as a girl in her twenties (plus I’m a Digimon stan, sorry)

YAAAAS, DRAG HIM.

- Does Hatori even like Shigure? I guess it’s kind of like when you can somewhat tolerate someone’s bullshit even if it is terrible because you’ve known them for so long now that you can’t help but still care about them?... but when it comes down to it, is it even a true friendship in the end?

I’m so fuckin frustrated. SO FRUSTRATED. Cos the worst thing about this. Is the fact that he KNOWS what he’s doing is bad and will break his ties with a lot of the zodiac members but he just doesn’t CARE. WHILE BEING CARING AT THE SAME TIME. It’s so intriguing but it’s sooo fucking awful. I want cuddly 2001 Shigure, ahaha. (I kid, I’m so invested in manga Shigure)

- That poor editor! I used to find her hilarious when watching the old anime but getting all that information about Shigure in this episode before seeing her just has a grey overcast on that now and I just feel sorry for her 

I want Tohru to crush Shigure with kindness. CRUSH HIM.

This was way too long. Like long enough to make me question why I do this every week. Ah well, at least my thoughts are dumped somewhere. NEXT WEEK IS THE SPA EPISODE! ONE OF MY FAVOURITE EPISODES. Can’t wait!

[imstillabiggay]

Day 14 (Breakaway - Kelly Clarkson)

i’ll spread my wings and i’ll learn how to fly

Whitney had gone away for the weekend, something to do with the wedding venue but Ben hadn’t really been listening when Callum had been explaining, and Ben had found himself in Callum’s floral room, tucked under the sheets with him. The weekend together had been nice, the mood only dampening slightly when Callum would catch a glimpse of a photo of Whitney and would turn white with guilt. Ben elected to ignore it.

It was late Saturday night, or early Sunday morning depending on how you looked at it, and Callum was laying on Ben’s chest, enjoying the way Ben’s fingers were pushing through his hair slowly. “Callum?” He just hummed in acknowledgment. “Why are you so scared of telling people? Ain’t this nice? Don’t you want this?” Ben whispered. He didn’t consider himself an insecure man but around Callum all of his smallest doubts and worries came out tenfold. He just wanted to be enough for Callum.

“I don’t want to hurt Whit,” Callum murmured back but his body went rigid on top of Ben’s, like he hadn’t been expecting the question. Like he was scared of the question.

“Besides from that?” Ben was sure that wasn’t the only thing holding Callum back and Ben was desperate to know more, mainly for his own selfish reasons so he could help get Callum on the right track and finally stop being the side bitch. He hated being the side bitch. “Why didn’t you come out before finding Whitney?” Ben pondered, keeping his voice light in a desperate attempt to not cause offence.

Callum finally looked up at Ben, placing his chin on Ben’s chest before shrugging slightly. “I didn’t know back then?” The words came out more like a question than a statement and all Ben could do was raise his eyebrows. Callum let out a defeated sigh but Ben just kept up with the gentle strokes through his hair, trying to soothe Callum and let him know it was okay to continue in his own time. Ben has asked the question and he would wait patiently until Callum was ready to share the answer.

They sat in silence for about five minutes before Callum finally let out a defeated sigh, his shoulders sagging only slightly. “It was just, everything when I was a kid you know? My dad. He was awful, cruel to me and even worse to Stuart. He would call me a princess, a ponce, and Stuart would jump in and defend me, promise him that I wasn’t gay. God, I didn’t even know the meaning of the damn word,” Callum’s eyes had drifted from Ben’s to stare at the wall instead, his gaze harsh, the memory of his childhood clearly pissing him off and Ben could understand why. “He would hide me in the bedroom and take a beating for defending me. When I grew up, I just felt like if I was gay, if I told people I was gay, then everything that happened to Stuart would have been for nothing. I let my brother get hurt for defending me, for defending a lie,” Callum whispered and Ben let out a large sigh of his own, pressing a kiss to the top of Callum’s head.

“You can’t blame yourself for that. Like you said, you were too young and it weren’t your fault, it still ain’t your fault alright?” Callum didn’t seem to acknowledge Ben’s words. “Jonno is a horrible scumbag, but you can’t let him control your life anymore,” Callum continued to stay quiet so Ben tucked his free hand behind his own head and lay back, his other hand drawing patterns on Callum’s side as he started speaking gentle words of encouragement to fill the silence.

“When you were a kid, didn’t you ever dream of running away? Breaking away from it all, being free. Now’s your chance, loverboy.”

[leigh-kelly]

The Holiday: The Fourth of July Wedding

[ts-seychelles]

EP. 1 - “The Ghosts of Tumblr Survivor Past, Present, and Future“ - AUGUSTO

So getting to know my tribe, I see a couple of familiar faces like Jared and JG from other places. Regan also hosted Flops which is a good thing since I got along with her. However if I'm being honest I feel like I connect with Dan the most, hopefully we can talk a bit more because I want to work with him in the future. 

from deep within the void* hi sisters It’s me, Dan. So I really am like doing nothing in this game rn. I’m the only person who said they could do the flag and I know my gay ass isn’t good enough for that. So I’m just going to submit some bullshit I make in five minutes and call it a day. Fucking Alex Crooks is on the other side and I can hear his cocky little ass right now being like. “WeLl I’m MoSt QuAlIfIEd BeCaUsE i MaDe GrApHiCs FoR pReViOuS tS sEaSoNs” I literally don’t even know him that well but I hate him so I hope he’s an early boot so I don’t even have to entertain the idea of speaking to him on a game or personal level. Call me a bitch, call me jealous, but seeing him stroke his own ego for no reason in VLs has completely turned me off to ever wanting to talk to him ever. Don’t even get me started on that extra ass intro video sis. Get a hobby. As far as my tribe goes, I will do anything for Sam Bosse, so. Jared knows Amanda and is dating Nicole and may be the weirdest person I’ve ever had to talk to. Agus is cool and I wanna work with him I think. And honestly I don’t remember anyone else’s name rn.....oh Allison! She’ll probably be inactive for the first week, we’ll lose the challenge and hopefully vote her out. It’s just #EasierThatWay And that’s all you really missed on Glee. *fades into the abyss*

REGAN SCARES TF OUTTA ME. DRAKE IS A COOL DUDE. I LOVE SAM. AUGUSTO DESERVES THE WORLD. AND FRANKIE IS PRETTY CHILL. ALSO, I MESSED UP REALLY BAD AND CALLED ALLISON AMANDA. 

It’s time to open shop cause we’re back for business, baby! And this time we REALLY mean business. Okay, yeah… that’s cringy but I’m just really thankful that I’m back for the fifth time to redeem myself. Redemption means to finish what I’ve set out to do the four times I’ve played before; to win. I’ve messed it up for myself countless times before and it’s up to me to do better, be better. Now it’s just a matter of how it’ll happen. :D 

Just put back 99 bottles down with Johnny and Vilma. We knocked it out perfectly in about as little time as possible, so I think we've got at least 1 of our 3 that we need to win immunity. We spent an hour and a half talking to each other so we really got to build something too. I'm glad that we did that and hope we can all move forward together. 

With this being my fifth game, this isn’t my first rodeo per se but I need to act like it is for my sake. I always come into games with 150% effort right off the bat and it gets me out incredibly early, so I guess you could say my strategy is to be more chill? I want to really put effort into my relationships with people on this first day so there’s a semi-solid foundation for at least this round. More often than not, the people that are active and likable during the first day end up staying at least for the very first round. After I make good conversation with a majority of our tribe the first day, I’ll be a little less active in talking to people and see who keeps up the effort to talk to me, etc. Let’s see how long I keep this up though… 

*a few moments later*

This cast = stacked, period. I’m genuinely happy for everyone returning to right their wrongs (yes, even Johnny). The Lazare Tribe has the better tribe color, no cap… but I’m glad I’m on Malabar. I’ve played with Johnny and Roxy in Flops and Great Lakes respectively, plus I lost to Alex in my first ORG ever. While being on a tribe with Roxy would be a good time guaranteed, it wouldn’t be good for either of us in terms of longevity cause I feel we’d be clumped together and targeted for it. So for the moment, I’ll have to be without the icon herself and hope to be on a tribe with her in the future. As far as Johnny goes, he was a large reason why I left Flops in the first place plus we were super close allies that never trusted each other, so if we do meet again it would either be a clash of the titans or the best collab since Mariah and Whitney. (K, I cringed @that but it works). Plus, he was the one who randomized the rock draw that got me out in Socotra so the universe is basically saying he is not one to be trusted! If we would’ve started on a tribe together, things would’ve gotten awkward quick so I’m glad I’m spared from that and can spread my own wings until I meet him again. SO yeah, thank you hosts for putting me on Malabar, xoxo.

*a few moments later*

Guess the hosts are feeling the Christmas spirit by bringing the Ghosts of Tumblr Survivor Past, Present, and Future to us. You guessed it, our season’s twist is Ghost Island, which centers around all the mistakes, misplays, and misfortunes of all who have played TS before. I mean they played TS to begin with so that’s probably the first mistake, but in all seriousness… I probably have like 58493 items hidden at Ghost Island. We got the misplayed extra vote from Flops, the idol I went home with in Flops, the exile pass I didn’t use in Great Lakes, the rock I drew in Socotra, we could probably even include the whole Aomak tribe and Great Lakes as a whole. All in all, we got options! As you can see, I don’t have the best experience with advantages but as part of my unfinished business, I want to go to Ghost Island to at least have the opportunity to redeem myself. This’ll be interesting for sure, especially since someone will be exiled from Tribal Council every round which is an advantage and disadvantage within itself. Realistically though, I can see them sending in Regan every round cause people are like that lmaooooo 

* another few moments later*

Okay, I think I’m doing okay for like the first time ever? I don’t know, my tribe is just really cool and I’ve vibed with almost everyone to some extent. If I had to pick my favorite person on the tribe, I would say Samantha just because we legit have so much in common and had some surprisingly deep conversation like about how diversity is super important in our society. So yeah, she’s awesome. If I had to pick a second, it would be either Ashen or Jared just because we’ve had tons of laughs in our conversations, which is nice. For example, Ashen talked about being from Tennessee and hating country music which turned into us having a fake band and then with Jared, we were making jokes about how we are making profit off of our fake OnlyFans account. Regan and I are somewhat close, just because she hosted me and like I try to be really nice to her since some people act kinda messed up towards her. Drake and I were both in Flops, but we never interacted since we were never on a tribe together and same goes with Dan in Great Lakes, so hopefully I get the chance to play with them. While I started interacting with Frankie kinda late, we’ve had some cute little chats which is nice. JG was a little hard to talk to in PMs, but we were interacting a lot during the tribe call so who knows! The only person that I, and I think everyone else, haven’t really talked to is Allison just because she hasn’t been here all that much. I do know her somewhat from playing Izu Islands with her though, so if she and I talk it’d be fun to catch up and get to know each other more. This is all great, but it’d make a future tribal kinda difficult. I do think that Allison would be a scapegoat for everyone, which is a tiny bit reassuring but again, you never know. 

The Art of the Meme: My social game is good enough to get me through to a potential tribe swap. I HOPE. And it is all encompassed in my ability to make others laugh. How, you say? Memes. I try my best to analyze the personalities of the tribe and place whichs memes fit best with each person during lulls in the conversation. That way, it never seems like the convo is drying up! Relationship Rankings: 1. JG 2. Dan 3. Drake 4. Samantha 5. Augusto 6. Reegan 7. Ashen 8. Frankie 9. Allison

Normally I do video confessionals, but we'll do this just to have something in real quick while it's fresh! Just jumped off call with Alex. Hands down this is the guy I wanna work with coming into this game. Only guy I know who's a loyal type of player unless given reason not to be. That's who I want on my side. He's also a threat in these games and having a nice little punching bag in front of me throughout this game will be nice lol. So without even second guessing, he's the guy I'm riding this game out with. Obviously though I need to make some other connections and right now priorities lie with Johnny, Roxy, and Zach. Johnny I connect with the most outside of Alex. He seems pretty tight and honestly they like each other so maybe forming a 3 with them in the future would make my day!!! Roxy on the other hand is a little intense and is obviously a social threat. However having people like her on my side to make connections that I can't is vital to my game so I really want to work on her/him too idk lol. Finally, we have Zach. This guy I didn't even talk to up until recently, however Alex seems to think he's in a really good spot with the entire tribe already with 24 hours of the game starting lol. Alex seems to think it's impossible to get this guy out early and you know what they say? If you can't beat them, join them! So my "mission" right now is to get super tight with this guy because if not, I could easily be the first boot on this tribe for not connecting with the "King Pin"

Ok, so we lost the first challenge and Alison is basically guaranteed first boot due to her inactivity. But I kind of hope they send her to ghost island so we get the real drama and have to make rifts in the game and go for blood instead of an easy target. As long as it’s not me I don’t really care.

okay winning the first immunity while I tried to plan the strategy of all three components of the challenge? LIVING FOR IT Not sending Regan to the first ghost island because she's a troll and I kind of hate everything she does as a person? Also here for it. Very happy Jared went to Ghost Island because I'm trying to get him to trust me this time around, and hopefully my friendship with Nicole can blossum into something great. I know not many people are going to actively try to work with both of them, so if I can manage to work with both of them for as long as they're in the game, I feel it'll benefit me? idk. it's tricky At least I'm safe! No 20th for me whewwwwwww 

*a few moments later*

I DONT KNOW HOW I DO IT BUT I LITERALLY FOUND AN IDOL ON MY FIRST TRY Not telling anyone. If people ask me about my searches im going to get so triggered because i don't know how to lie about not finding anything yet, but god speed. I can't wait for my three episode unfinished business stint to be OTTNN for 3 episodes and then be voted out because I went to someone's house and actually set them on fire? Queen Ashlyn WHO? 

So my tribe lost first immuntiy such a bummer, I mean i hope im not first boot but honestly i dont know. People say Allison since shes been inactive so im fine with that but im going to hold my vote until i know for sure since everything can change in 24 hours i had it happen to me. 

so roxy and alex are sending fucking audio messages of themselves singing in the tribe chat and it’s kinda annoying like damn i didn’t know this was the voice //: 

The idol hunt is on. I already know 7 places that it isn't thanks to everyone else. I'm going to keep trying to figure it out using communications with other people. I'm going to give it a shot on my own now. 

Hello this is Roxy and it's my first confessional. We just finished our first immunity and we want really happy because I like my tribe and I do not know who I would have voted out if we went to tribal I think I'm in a very good standing but my social game is plummeting with everyday I need to really get my head in the game and to get to know people I haven't been able to do that and that's not good like I talked a bit and it's all Hollow on Surface but if I really want everybody to be in my pants when I need to crank up by social game two little bit hard with the fact that I'm only Australian and I'm not the best at social because I don't know what to say or how to start a conversation other than when it comes to strategy and talking to my strategy is not good and Elsa leads to paranoia which leads to getting voted out or idoled out. I'll see if there are some words that don't make sense in those days because I'm doing a speech to text thing because I'm too lazy to type but I really want this n text nobody's gonna watch the video. So I will do a cost assessment now for ACL to my tribe so we have alex crooks I love it looks crooks he's really nice and sweet and have a connection through steam but the problem is I haven't been able to socialize with him alot or connect with him so that will be my top priority because I really want to work with him and I think you'll feel loyal to me Next we have asya.  She's nice and I know her from house of shade I haven't been able to talk to her much apart from the first day I got a 6 that I don't think I see myself working with her long term but I know that is supported to have strong social connection with her because I think she's a loyal type it should stick to her Ally and she could also easily turn people against me I think she has that kind of social power Next is Johnny I like him and I really want to work with him I f***** him up into other or something lol it cencored me. Anyways I want to work closely with him and I think it will be better official to me beneficial not official to be bothered to backspace and Away the only problem with him is that I don't have that much impact usually I feel like I'm seen more as under the radar the matter what I do so then I brought up the bigger players and Johnny is somebody who easily get so much credit just because he is a present and I don't have my skills but still want to talk with her VI: There's my girl and I think if I have a final 2 she would be it I think she's loyal once you're stuck with me and yeah she's cute nice nicole: I haven't had a lot of chance to talk with Nicole she's been sort of not that here because it she's sick but I think she is potential big Ally but I don't feel a lot of potential or f*** I just said potential twice I mean like this potential but I don't know for sure and we'll see how time Curtis but we'll see I don't know Ruben: There is another contender for final to it'll be Reuben I think that he won't ever but he'll be super loyal and I'm going to put a lot of effort into my relationship with them because I believe that is the why is this for me strategically and he also seems really nice he always apologize for everything must be from New Zealand lol jokes VIlma: Barely seems to be on but I think when I go overseas I want to go to Israel time zone is my line better but I'm not sure Zach seems to like her and he wants to bring her into reliance in says oh because she's not that on that much she'll be loyal to us and I think that workout zach: So I can I have a tricky past but I think he will remain loyal to me which is why ive decided to allign with him. He has already made a 1 on 1 chat with me and a f3 chat with vi and i and wants an allaince with alex myself johnny vi and vilma. lets see how that goes. ALso we fuckin squashed them. Heh. 

"It's been almost 5 hours on Exile... I haven't eaten in days. The rumblings of my stomach are a chorus to the ears of a wild, lonely man. Only strategy crosses my mind now. How do I win this game? How do I maximize the advantage of having Nicole here and minimize the potential detriment? I have good bonds already with the occupants of Lazare. Johnny, though once a foe, could prove to be an asset to me in this game. I won't count my chickens before they hatch." *BONG BONG BONG go the drums of the natives* "Cannibals, certainly. And so I hide, erasing my plans, finger-drawn in the dirt." ~4 hours pass~ "The hosts have come and gone. 'Eureka!' they say, their camera phones foreign to me now. I have decided to give the Legacy Advantage to Nicole. Still, I question this decision. It is unlikely that this tool will have much utility now. There are benefits to being away from Malabar. Obvious in it's nature- Ghost Island will protect me from eviction. Though alliances will be formed without me, I should be able to make it to the tribe swap with the relationships I've nurtured, needing only a majority of 5 when I return. I will sleep for now, dreams bound to be boasting new plans. Sweet byebye forever Cao Boi." 

The challenge flop from Flops jumped out and so did the losing Great Laker from Socotra… and the Sarpang member from Bhutan…. All in all, a sis sucks at challenge as shown by me bringing a DODGEBALL to a PAINTBALL fight. Starting off on the losing tribe is something I’m sadly used to, but I hope it doesn’t become a Aomak Part 2 as that was enough for me to take tbh. With Malabar losing however, it gives us a chance to form strategic connections which sucks for Jared who was sent to Ghost Island. Him being sent was a little weird to me since I expected someone like Samantha or even Allison to be sent, but I’m glad he’s going since we were pretty tight those from 3 days. Speaking of Allison, where is she? She legit hasn’t shown up and I hope it isn’t anything serious outside of the game and if it is, I’m sorry Allison (when she sees this). That being said, she’s the likely first boot since she’s the most inactive. Although, I am a bit concerned for Samantha since she’s been a little quiet recently and she told me not many talk to her. Plus, Dan let me know her name was out there a little bit and gave me a backstory on Sam and Regan’s supposed beef. Dan and I have really gotten closer in these past few days and he actually approached me about working together, so I’m glad I actually have a semi-solid ally this early! Tribal council seems easy for this first round and I hope it stays that way for at least a little bit :D 

so tbh im super nervous no one is speaking to me and like I honestly think it can't possibly be as simple as Allison. But then again are they dumb enough to vote me, who could be an asset over an inactive like Allison? Also I trust Dan, Augusto, and Drake

[theworstbob]

yellin’ at songs: week thirty

brief reviews of the songs that debuted on the 8.2.1997, 8.4.2007, and 8.5.2017 editions of the billboard hot 100

8.2.1997

4) "Mo Money Mo Problems," by The Notorious B.I.G. ft./Puff Daddy & Mase

WELCOME BACK. I am refreshed, I have had a nice few days away from pop music, I got that sweet sub-2:30 in LTTP rando, and I'm coming back to this song, which, hey. It's a classic! I have nothing to add to the discussion around this song. This is one of the most enjoyable pop songs ever made, one of the most enjoyable rap songs ever made, people at the peak of their talents figuring out a magical way to rhyme over an incredible beat. Seriously, "I'm Coming Out" is one of the best songs ever made, and this improves on the foundation, and it's just this beautiful, magical place. It's so good. I am incapable of saying anything constructive in regards to this song. They nailed it. I don’t need to tell you how they nailed it because you can hear how they nailed it.

45) "Coco Jamboo," by Mr. President

So my opinion on this song is that I would have rather not listened to it, but a cursory glance of their Wikipedia page shows that this was a #1 single in Sweden. It reigned for five weeks in the fall of 1996, and it was preceded by "Wannabe" and  followed by a song from a band called E-Type named "Free Like a Flying Demon." You know what kind of owns? "Free Like a Flying Demon." It's not quite what I wanted "Free Like a Flying Demon" to sound like, I thought Sweden was still willing to make a #1 hit out of the occasional bitchin' metal jam (I'm probably thinking of Norway, those freaks mosh), but this sounds like a decent Depeche Mode outtake.

72) "Do You Like This," by Rome

Enh! I've had worse. Thank you for asking me how your song was! This review was much easier to write with the prompt! I also appreciate the way this dude is passionately drawing in every single breath. He is inhaling with PURPOSE. He feels these feelings so intensely, he has to gulp in all the oxygen he can so he can properly express his feelings. Also at one point he goes "nnnnnn" for seven seconds. This is the ur-R&B dude song.

75) "Can We," by SWV ft./Missy Elliott

The soundtrack for Booty Call has two unforgettable cuts, both in vastly different ways from each other. This is more in step with what I expected from the Booty Call soundtrack, just a smooth song asking if y'all DTF. Not that song that was just straight-up porn, just a song that sounds like the last half hour at a club and a last-ditch effort to make something happen. I like that. Especially after Rome being over-dramatic, I'm way into a song that's just, "I dunno, it's just sex. Y'all wanna do it or no?"

81) "Fix," by BLACKstreet ft./Ol' Dirty Bastard

WHAT IS THIS I LOVE THIS. HELL YEAH. I am so, so appreciative that BLACKstreet was willing to go on this adventure, and that Ol' Dirty was willing to hop on the bus with them. This was pretty amazing, though, hey, I'll cop to being a sucker for rock guitars where there typically aren't rock guitars. Slash did things! Slash toolded around in the studio for ten minutes and did enough amazing things to be featured in the song! This was hella fun, I hope more R&B artists made hard rock jams in 1997. I want to live in a world where I don't just hear Rome a thousand more times, I wanna hear this overtake Rome and his ilk for the definitive '90s R&B song.

90) "Can't Get You out of My Mind," by Lil' Suzy

Hey! You know how I haven't been that into Europop? You know how I've been enduring these garbage dance songs for the sake of experiencing the odd "Fulton Street" or "Fix?" GUESS WHAT, THIS WHITE GIRL FROM NEW YORK JUST DROPPED CULTURAL APPROPRIATION INTO THE MIX. I know I made fun of "It's Alright, It's OK," but I would listen to a thousand white girl journal entries before I listened to some girl from Brooklyn pretend she's from Hamburg.

You know what I forgot to do last week? The Top 20s! Here’s what 1997 looks like through 30 weeks. 20) "Step by Step," by Whitney Houston (3.15) 19) "Can We," by SWV ft./Missy Elliott (8.2) 18) "On and On," by Erykah Badu (1.25) 17) "I Want You," by Savage Garden (3.1) 16) "It Must Be Love," by Robin S. (5.24) 15) "Smokin' Me Out," by Warren G ft./Ronald Isley (6.21) 14) "Fix," by BLACKstreet ft./Ol' Dirty Bastard (8.2) 13) "Silent All These Years," by Tori Amos (3.22) 12) "What They Do," by The Roots (1.11) 11) "Step Into a World (Rapture's Delight)," by KRS-One (4.5) 10) "I'm Not Feeling You," by Yvette Michele (2.22) 9) "Bill," by Peggy Scott-Adams (3.29) 8) "Just Another Case," by CRU ft./Slick Rick (7.5) 7) "I'll Be," by Foxy Brown ft./Jay-Z (2.15) 6) "Felton St.," Leschea (6.14) 5) "Bitch," by Meredith Brooks (4.26) 4) "Mo Money, Mo Problems," by The Notorious B.I.G. ft./Puff Daddy & Mase (8.2) 3) "Return of the Mack," by Mark Morrison (3.1) 2) "Hypnotize," by The Notorious B.I.G. (4.26) 1) "Not Tonight (Ladies' Night Remix)," by Lil Kim ft./Angie Martinez, Left Eye, Da Brat & Missy Elliott (7.12)

8.4.2007

6) "What Time Is It," from the cast of High School Musical 2

Given that there will be hella High School Musical 2 in this space four weeks from now, I'd like to reserve the right to have a comment on High School Musical 2 until such a time that it is appropriate. This song is fun! Make sure to come back in four weeks to hear me say that again but longer!

7) "Sorry, Blame it on Me," Akon

...Did anyone else notice that Akon released an album in 2017? In this calendar year! I know it's hard to keep track of alll the things that are happening, what with the president yelling about how he can pardon himself and all, but I went to the AZLyrics page to clarify some of the lyrics, to, y'know, make fun of this shitty song where Akon is only passively-aggressively taking the blame ("even though the blame's on you/you can put the blame on me" christ dude either own your shit or don't), but there's an Akon album called Stadium with the number 2017 in parentheses next to it and song titles under it! The songs have lyrics! One song has a Ludacris feature! Oh, man. This is one album I am not going to listen to! (Follow-up: looks like it’s yet to be released. I am sorry for teasing you like this, I know how much you have been looking forward to hearing new Akon.)

85) "Ready, Set, Don't Go," Billy Cyrus

Everything about this song is gross and awful and I hate that it exists and I hate how it was brought to existence and I wish I had watched a lyric video instead of the music video because I hate looking at this freeloader's face. "This is where I don't say what I want so bad to say." YOU RELEASED THIS SONG TO RADIO. SHE CAN HEAR YOU. JUST NAME THE SONG "I DESIRE ATTENTION AND AM SO VERY HAPPY MY DAUGHTER ENDED UP BEIN' FAMOUS."

88) "You Can't Stop the Beat," from the cast of Hairspray

In 2007, there were multiple feature-length musical comedies featuring Zac Efron. It's not that we didn't have anyone else that could sing and dance while acting. We just decided to let Zac Efron have a go at it. Also, while I have not seen this film (either original or remake, would much rather see the original), I am so glad it exists. So, so very glad there is room in some subculture for John Travolta in drag and a fat suit.

89) "Bed," J. Holiday

Dipping back into 2007 R&B is weird after so much 1997 R&B because I have to come up with something different to say than "'90s R&B, amirite?" This song, though, it's always been a personal favorite. It's over-the-top, but it never feels silly, settles in this nice groove where it's this ridiculous song about fucking. It's probably a mid-tier '90s R&B song, but this was kind of the best 2007 had to offer; I'm not sure why else I'd remember it if it weren't the among the strongest things R&B had to offer that year. Fun fact! J. Holiday's most recent single is called "After We Fuck." Getting better with age like a fine, horny wine.

90) "Can't Leave 'Em Alone," Ciara ft./50 Cent

This is nice! (many hours pass) Nope, nope, still haven't formed any grander opinion on this song. Ciara whispers prettily, and Fiddy doesn't do anything to make the song less chill. Real quick? Team? Team? Real quick? I don't mean to presume, but I'm pretty sure the niceness of this song means the best song to debut on the Billboard chart the week of 4 August 2007 was "You Can't Stop the Beat." Guys, I know I've had my issues with 2017's music, but that's because it's boring. There's nothing wrong with boring, but the problem ends up being that the songs are just there, they're incredibly average. 2007 hasn't been funky in weeks. It's just been bad. Like, look at next week: you have "Stronger," which is a classic, but then three county dudes and whatever "Hood Figga" is gonna end up being. It's easy to yell at 2017 because it's new and we want it to be better, and we can yell at 1997 because of the occasional dip into horrible Eurodance, but I don't think any of the three years has wasted more of my time with songs that just blandly exist than 2007.

97) "Stranger," Hilary Duff

It's like someone decided to take "Beautiful Liar" and add 100% more of everything. Honestly, if they're gonna follow up "With Love" with this, I should be allowed to make whatever mean joke I made in the "With Love" review. If they're not gonna put any effort into their music, I shouldn't have to put effort into the review. (I think I've used that line in a previous review, so look at that, I'm doing it anyway, probably!)

99) "Online," Brad Paisley

This is one of the best country songs about catfishing in existence, as well as the only country song about the internet version of catfishing. This is a fine companion piece for "High Maintenance Woman," and my headcanon is that the maintenance man is also the main character of this song. I will never not appreciate Brad Paisley playing guitar and dad jokes, I can appreciate this very dad summary of how the internet works, and you KNOW your boy appreciates any song with a tuba section, however brief. It won't keep a cover of a 20-year-old musical closer from being the best 2007 song of the week, but it's a song with some degree of depth (and any degree of sweet, sweet tuba) that we can enjoy, and that's kinda "best-case scenario" territory with 2007 songs.

It has been nearly two months since we updated the 2007 Top 20. Since then, one new song has been added. 20) "Lip Gloss," by Lil Mama (6.9.2007) 19) "I Don't Wanna Stop," by Ozzy Osbourne (5.26.2007) 18) "Stolen," by Dashboard Confessional (4.21.2007) 17) "Beautiful Liar," by Beyonce & Shakira (3.31.2007) 16) "Cupid's Chokehold," by Gym Class Heroes ft./Patrick Stump (1.13.2007) 15) "The River," by Good Charlotte ft./M. Shadows & Synyster Gates (2.10.2007) 14) "Say OK," by Vanessa Hudgens (2.17.2007) 13) "Alyssa Lies," by Jason Michael Carroll (1.13.2007) 12) "Never Again," by Kelly Clarkson (5.12.2007) 11) "Can't Tell Me Nothing," by Kanye West (6.16.2007) 10) "Get Buck," by Young Buck (4.14.2007) 9) "And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going," by Jennifer Hudson (1.13.2007) 8) "Thnks fr th Mmrs," by Fall Out Boy (4.28.2007) 7) "Candyman," by Christina Aguilera (1.13.2007) 6) "Misery Business," by Paramore (7.21.2007) 5) "Because of You," by Ne-Yo (3.17.2007) 4) "Umbrella," by Rihanna ft./Jay-Z (4.28.2007) 3) "Beautiful Flower," by India.Arie (6.16.2007) 2) "Dashboard," by Modest Mouse (2.17.2007) 1) "The Story," by Brandi Carlile (4.28.2007)

8.5.2017

75) "A Lie," by French Montana ft./The Weeknd & Max B

Like, this is what I mean when I say 2017 is incredibly average. I remember mostly enjoying the two French Montana songs on the chart, but I don't remember anything that happened in these songs. They don't do anything. They just exist, and they're pleasant to listen to, but no one's taking any risks. There's nothing wrong with a B-, B- is still above-average, but my stars, why settle? Does no one want an A? What are we doing here. What was I supposed to hear in this song to make me believe there are only 74 songs currently in existence which best encapsulate the present moment. It's not bad, I just want something to care about.

86) "Jerika," by Jake Paul & Erika Costell ft./Uncle Kade

This is a love song by a man who, every time he has ever seen any banana in his life, will chuckle, point, and say, "Penis." If I could go back in time and stop myself from starting this project, I would not, because my life is better for having "Felton St." and "Bill" and "Get Buck" and "It Ain't Me" in it, but I would give that time machine a long, long look before deciding not to board.

91) "Young Dumb & Broke," by Khalid

Absolutely fuck this song. Fuck this PBR'n'B version of an anthem. Fuck this dude's ironic detachment, fuck this go nowhere track, fuck that dumb Rodney Dangerfield-ass joke in the second verse, fuck whoever told this dude he was complex, and fuck the naked appeal to the #teens. American Teen. Do #teens actually listen to media with "teen" in the title? I mean, they must, they've been making songs with "teen" in the title since before Billboard published charts, but this song isn't for teens as it is for pretentious music writers who want to write thinkpieces about the state of R&B. This stupid song probably got an entire Slate article published about it by now, and he's only 19 for seven more months, and boy, won't it be a drag when he can no longer substitute his age for an identiy. What a fucking bore.

96) "Woman," by Kesha ft./The Dap-Kings Horns

Y'ALL, FUCK YEAH. Like, last week's song was last week's song, and I respect that it needed to be made. But you know what I like? I like when someone shouts about how happy they are to be alive over a saucy horn section, AND GOT DAMN, THIS DELIVERED ON THE PROMISE OF THE TITLE. Everything about this is good and pure and should be enjoyed without reservation and a daily fixture at every karaoke bar and shouted from the top of every mountain simultaneously and goddamnit it's not gonna be on the chart next week, is it. (This is only gonna be #18 on the list. When 2017 is on, it is goddamned ON, and that's what makes enduring the French Montanas and Khalids such a chore, because I know they can do better! They have done better, and frequently!) But man, this song, I am in love with the Scissor Sisters-y breakdown, I am going to buy space on the Jumbotron at a baseball game to propose to that breakdown, this song muthafuckin' rules.

Seriously tho the 2017 Top 20? 20) "Felices los 4," by Maluma (6.3) 19) "Bodak Yellow," by Cardi B (7.22) 18) "Woman," by Kesha ft./The Dap-Kings Horns (8.5) 17) "Smile," by Jay-Z ft./Gloria Carter (7.29) 16) "Love Galore," by SZA ft./Travis Scott (7.1) 15) "Bad Liar," by Selena Gomez (6.3) 14) "DNA." by Kendrick Lamar (5.6) 13) "It Ain't Me," by Kygo x Selena Gomez (3.4) 12) "Craving You," by Thomas Rhett ft./Maren Morris (4.22) 11) "That's What I Like," by Bruno Mars (3.4) 10) "Chanel," by Frank Ocean ft./A$AP Rocky (4.1) 9) "Strangers," by Halsey ft./Lauren Jauregui (6.17) 8) "Either Way," by Chris Stapleton (5.27) 7) "Run Up," by Major Lazer ft./PARTYNEXTDOOR & Nicki Minaj (2.18) 6) "Green Light," by Lorde (3.18) 5) "ELEMENT." by Kendrick Lamar (5.6) 4) "Despacito," by Luis Fonsi ft./Daddy Yankee (2.4) 3) "Issues," by Julia Michaels (2.11) 2) "iSpy," by KYLE ft./Lil Yachty (1.14) 1) "Hard Times," by Paramore (5.13) There’s been hella jams in 2017, like there’s a reason it and ‘97 are tied in the standings (SPOILERTH), but man, you just get tired of hearing the same shit all the time, y’know?

Won won the week?

1997 won this week incredibly hard. 2017 put up a good fight at the end, but man, 1997 started strong and never looked back.

Current standings: 1997: 11 2017: 11 2007: 8 2007 is lagging behind, but next week is “Stronger” week, and 1997 doesn’t look to be lining up the strongest contenders, though I could be wrong and Nastyboy Kiick could be ready to dazzle me. What will 2017 bring to the table, and can Kanye carry a bunch of schmucks to a W? Find out!