#I just keep myself entertained to avoid realising how much reasons I have to visit a therapist.

[renmarrr]

So now the newsletter gave me ideas… while I have some sketches to share… oh boy.

[darth-el]

The Things I Have Become

Pairing: Steve x Hopper!Reader Warnings: Angst and mentions of weed, pills, depression, PTSD, anxiety, and if this needs anything else let me know as it’s relatively dark A/N: I’ve tried to keep this gender neutral. It was also inspired by the song Shadows by Yelawolf (the song is so much darker) and my writing playlist with the song on is here is you want to listen to it.

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There felt like a darkness looming over Steve ever since the events of Starcourt, he couldn't sleep or keep down anything he had eaten due to the constant anxiety with the thought of being surveilled by one government or another. The only thing that mildly numbed him were the pills the doctors prescribed and even they didn't do a good enough job for him. He didn't have many regrets in life but one of the biggest was inadvertently introducing you to what felt like his world that summer. He really wished he came up with a better lie than “We're teaching Robin Russian” when you came into Scoops that day when Robin was trying to crack the code. The moon shone through the cracks in the curtains and looking at his empty bed, he wanted nothing more than for you to be there with him and to comfort him when he woke up in cold sweats where he relived every single moment of Independence Day, he would get flashes when he was awake but at night the intensity was too much. He tried everything he could to distract himself so he could stay awake until he passed out from exhaustion, then the flashes would start again and it became a vicious cycle.

You had taken a lot longer to recover than doctors anticipated from the events of the past summer, you were getting pretty sick of being operated on by this point but you were pleased about the fact that you had a pretty steady supply of morphine or the reality would've felt far, far worse. You also had a constant stream of visitors to keep you entertained, however there was one that you wished would walk through that door but never did. It had been a months since you were admitted into hospital and lost your dad when he tried to save the world from the Russians, you foolishly thought that would've been enough to get Steve through the door; the fact he never did broke your heart slightly because you knew he would blaming himself meanwhile forgetting about the fact that Hopper was your father and El was your sister so it was inevitable. You really didn't blame him, you just wished that you could've told him that.

By the time you had left the hospital the snow on the ground was thick and the ground that was clear of snow was icy making it difficult to navigate on crutches, making you curse profusely every time you felt a piece of black ice under your crutch. Times like this made you realise how alone you had become and it was completely your choice, you could've moved away with the Byers and El but you wanted to forge your own path instead, even if it did mean staying in Hawkins for a little while before making a decision on where you wanted to go and what you wanted to do. You didn't want to be tied down any longer to this town and the second you left you weren't going to look back.

The second Steve heard a car door slam shut outside he felt the colour drain from his face and tensed up, he made himself scarce when he heard what sounded like someone trying to break down the front door. In reality it was you losing your balance and falling into it, he didn't come out of hiding until he heard your voice call his name while you were knocking loudly, he opened the door looking at you puzzled partially because he had no idea why you had come to see him and also why you were trying to break down his door. “Finally.” You said barging past him so you were out of the cold and took off your gloves with difficulty using your mouth.

“What are you doing here?” Steve asked still looking flabbergasted by your presence and letting the cold air in where he had forgotten to close the door.

“You didn't come to me,” You said with the second glove between your teeth as you pulled it off. “So I decided to come to you.” You sounded rather cheerful when you got the glove off with ease and Steve shivered like someone had walked across his grave prompting him to close the door.

“I didn't realise you were out.” He mumbled avoiding eye contact while walking into the living room.

“You would've known that if you came to visit me,” You said sounding rather snarky where the wounds were still fresh but you tried to put that aside for now. “You don't look like you've been sleeping.” You pointed out making him feel self conscious where he knew he had stopped putting effort into his appearance in recent months.

“Hm.” Was the only noise you could get out of him as he sat down on the couch furthest from you.

“Steve just talk to me,” You begged making yourself comfortable on a chair you knew you could get up from easily. “I'm not angry at you about anything, I'm just really fucking hurt.”

“What do you want me to say?” Steve responded sounding angry but you knew the anger was directed at himself more than it was you.

“Steve we have known each other since we were kids and were dating for six months,” Your voice was sounding like you had been completely shattered. “Be honest with me because I think I deserve it after you went MIA.” You were pleading and so focused on him you didn't fully notice the sharp shooting pains up your leg where you had moved into an uncomfortable position.

“This is my fault,” Steve said loudly pushing himself up from the couch and throwing his arms in the air. “I can't sleep because I see what I did to you every single time I close my eyes.” He sighed letting his arms drop to the side but still avoided looking at you.

“Ste-” You said softly before you were cut off.

“The only way I can cope is to make myself numb with the goddamn pills that the doctors gave me and I can't eat because I feel like I'm being constantly watched,” He continued. “I feel like I've become the things that terrified me.” He said his voice cracking, you just stared at him trying to process what he just said.

“Steve,” Your voice was still soft while trying to get up from your seat. “You didn't do this to me,” You said moving over to him and trying to make it so you were standing comfortably and less reliant on your crutches. “I would've died if you hadn't saved me.” You said falling slightly trying to stroke his arm which resulted in you grabbing it instead with him catching you by the waist so you didn’t fall into the coffee table and injure yourself more.

“If I had come up with a better lie though.” He sighed still holding onto you and helping you onto the couch.

“Do you really think I would've been safe?” You asked taking his hand and pulling him down gently so he was sitting next to you. “I mean Hopper was my dad and El was my sister.” You laughed before noticing the fact that his living room was littered with cigarette butts, you also noticed that there was a distinct smell of weed lingering in the air.

“They managed to protect you though.” Steve sighed running his fingers through his hair.

“You really don't think I would've found out?” You asked feeling slightly offended despite the fact you had no reason to be. “I mean the bullshit story about how she was a distant cousin that I never met who had lost both her parents in a car accident and they named my dad of all people to look after her if anything happened, really Steve?” You asked shaking your head feeling even more offended that your dad took you for a fool.

“It was me that revealed everything to you.” Steve said feeling a massive amount of guilt.

“Whether it was you, my dad, or El it wouldn't have changed the outcome.” You said trying to reassure him but you knew your words weren't getting through to him. “You can't change the past Steve but you can change the future and I'm not sure my future is in Hawkins but I do know I want you in mine, all you need to do is decide if you want me in yours.” You sighed getting up and making your way out the door, it wasn't until you had reached your car and was getting ready to unlock it when Steve came outside, you noticed all he had on were a pair of socks making you wince where you could imagine how cold he actually was.

“Don't go.” Steve said looking teary eyed leaning against your car door as if to stop you from getting in, with that you led Steve back indoors.

This was the first night where Steve didn't feel like he needed to be distracted in order to go back to sleep where you were close to him, it wasn't the most comfortable night sleep by any stretch of the imagination due to your cast but you were happy because you felt like you made the right decision to stay in Hawkins. Both of you knew that you had a lot of work to do if you were going to make this relationship work now, you also knew that even putting the work in the memories were still going to haunt you both but you prayed they wouldn't eat you alive and you were going to make it out stronger.

[sardinesandhumbugs]

(a-place-to-come-back-to) hmmm “You can keep pretending, but you’ll never be happy” gives me Badger Rat Sr and Toad Sr vibes

A/N: Thank you for the prompt! This ficlet is set fairly early into Badger's friendship with Rat Sr and Toad Sr, before things settled into the easy friendship he remembers. Even the best of friendships can have... bumpy origins :D

Want to request a prompt? Find the list here!

x

Rat considered himself a fairly laid back sort of animal (a necessary trait for growing up alongside the undaunted Toad) but even he had second (not to mention first) thoughts when it came to the Wild Wood.

He was sure most of the rumours were merely malicious hearsay (for instance, he was fairly certain the locals didn't eat wayward Riverbankers) but he doubted any animal – Wild Wooder or no – would take kindly to the disturbance. For, upon the rusted bell-pull detaching (the bell itself had given one dull toll before giving up the ghost) Toad had set to hammering and hollering at the unadorned door with the kind of volume that would wake the dead – and, more importantly, the living, who were far more likely to take matters into their own paws.

"Honestly, I don't know how he ever entertains guests," Toad lamented in a rare lapse in the cacophony. "Can barely find the blasted place and then when you do you don't realise it. You'd think an animal like Badger would clear the ivy from the name plate once in a while or make sure his bell is in working order. Any lesser animal visiting would have admitted defeat by now," he said, as usual looking but not truly seeing.

"Perhaps we should reconsider this," Rat said, who had taken good note of the state of disrepair of Badger's front porch and come to a bleak conclusion of his own. "He may not even be home."

"Oh pooh to that, of course he's home. Anyway, Rat, it was you who took note of his recent change in mood."

"And I was thinking of a subtler approach."

"You say subtler, I say slower." Evidently deciding that his knocking was falling into the subtle category, Toad added his raised voice to the mix. "Come along, Badge; who cares what the hares say? Be the bigger animal we know you are and come on out!"

"Badge?" Rat echoed.

Toad shrugged. "I'm trying it out. 'Badger' is such a mouthful."

"It's two syllables."

"And I'm halving that. It's called efficiency. BADGE!" Rat jumped at the brusque rise in volume. "Badger, we know you're there! What do you think you're achieving with this hiding away, huh? Do you think this is what you want? To live alone in a dark and dingy tunnel all your life? We know you, Badge! You can keep pretending, but you'll never be happy like this!"

The door swung open so abruptly that Badger must have already been standing on the other side for some time. He loomed over the two Riverbankers, his face half cast in shadow from the wood's gloom. "You know nothing about me," he growled.

"Oh, we know plenty," Toad contradicted happily. He took advantage of Badger's oversight in opening the door, and slipped past the larger animal. "Such as the state you leave your front porch in. Where should I put the bell-pull? Oh, no matter; I'll send for a new one when I'm back at Toad Hall."

Badger glowered, but could do little about Toad's entrance without hauling him bodily out, and turned back to the remaining Riverbanker on his doorstep. "I suppose," he intoned, "you plan on following your friend inside."

It was at this point that Rat realised there was at least a yard's grace between them – if not more – that had been of his own making. He shortened it, knowing full well that his instinctive retreat had not gone unnoticed. "Badger–"

"Just get yourself inside before your tail freezes off."

Rat scurried in. As Badger hauled the door shut, the brumal weather outside lost its icy grip and the beneath-ground air yielded a steady, heavy warmth quite unlike Riverbank homes in winter. (Toad Hall suffered particularly badly in the yuletide season, saved only by the ludicrous expense Toad went to keep such a grand house heated.)

Up ahead, Toad had already started scoping out the elusive sett that paid host to so few animals. "I say, Badge," he called, his voice echoing in such a manner to indicate he had put quite the distance between them, "I take back what I said earlier; dark this place may be, but dingy it most certainly is not."

Rat followed Badger through the dimly-lit tunnels, passing through decreasingly lived-in rooms until finally coming to the cause of Toad's admiration. It was, Rat had to admit, grand. Ancient columns, half buried into the walls, lined the room that could fit Toad Hall's ballroom with ease, and Toad was already setting to lighting the lanterns to better appraise the space.

"Badge, you never said you had a place like this!" Toad exclaimed. "Why, just think of the balls, the banquets, that could be hosted in a space such as this! I admit, the acoustics are a little harsh, but I have just the tapestries to dampen the sound, and with a spot of extra light it'd be perfect!"

Rat glanced to Badger out of the corner of his eye and read the larger animal's stony expression.

"I apologise. Toad means well, but he puts far too much stock in the art of distraction as a solution," he muttered. He inclined his head. "Mind you, he often gripes that I'd try to talk the river out of flooding if I could, so I suspect we even each other out."

"I prefer action, myself," Badger grumbled.

They watched a moment longer as Toad bounced across the empty space, chattering to nobody about the grand plans he could see strewn out before him. ("Naturally, this is where the band would go... and the buffet would sit along here, I'm thinking cold meats, cheeses; the last thing you want is the smell of cooked food suffocating a place like this...")

"I can probably talk him out of it," Rat offered quietly, "if you'd like."

Badger scoffed and retreated into the more inhabited rooms. "He can organise as many damn parties as he likes, so long as he doesn't come complaining to me when no animal arrives."

Rat had to take two quick steps for every one of Badger's long strides, eager to stay in the pool of light cast by Badger's lantern. "Oh, I think you underestimate Toad – he has quite a way with folk when he sets his mind to it. It can be both very useful and infuriating."

"I'm sure he does," Badger said, "but what possible reason could he tempt animals down to a place like this with?"

"Good food, good music," Rat rattled off. "Drink. Conversation. Gossip, usually." He hesitated, and added, "Curiosity."

"And is that why you came?"

"We came," and Rat hurried so that he and his words would not be left behind, "because we were worried about you."

Badger halted so abruptly that Rat had to skip a step back to avoid walking into him. "Worried?" he echoed incredulously. "About me?"

"Is that really so hard to believe?" Rat hastened on before Badger could remark upon Toad's distraction. "I'm sorry if we pressured you into joining us for the harvest festival; Toad's so extraverted that I think he forgets not everyone is, and I... well, I thought you might enjoy it. I hadn't realised that, being a born and bred Riverbanker, I might not have seen... some of the more insensitive sides of the other animals."

Badger met Rat's gaze with an expression Rat couldn't quite decipher. "So you heard what was being said?"

"I heard enough."

An odd choice indeed, the whispers had gone as Toad's newest friend had made his social debut, but, then again, toads are an odd bunch anyway, almost as odd as badgers are solitary, and that's just a fact.

Unusual to see a badger out of the Wild Woods, more unusual still to see one in the company of animals other than their own kind.

It probably won't last.

Everyone knows what they say about badgers changing their stripes.

"And then, when we didn't see you for a week, of course we worried," Rat said, trying to turn the conversation round to matters he could control. "We wanted to make sure you were alright."

Badger scoffed again and turned down a corridor that opened out into a fire-lit kitchen. "And why would you care?"

"We care because we're your friends."

Badger turned on his heel. "Are you?"

Too late, Rat realised he'd flinched back, that same instinctive wariness springing up around a mammal so much larger than himself. Around a mammal that was possibly more Wild Wood than Undergrounder, and he didn't want to find out which side was dominant.

Badger's gaze moved derisively over the sudden space between them. "That's what I thought," he growled. "I'm not a charity case and I'm not a curiosity, and you'd do well to learn that."

"Was he wrong?"

Badger faltered, if only for a moment. "What?"

"Toad," Rat said, clinging onto the single truth that had propelled him this far. "Was he wrong? Are you happy here?"

"I am... accustomed to things the way they are," Badger replied.

"Are you happy?" Rat persisted. "If you are, then we'll get out of your fur. I'll find a way to drag Toad out of his harebrained schemes, and things can go back to the way they were. But... if you're not – if you have enjoyed the past few months with – with us – then let us stay."

The silence lingered for just a heartbeat too long.

Badger turned away. "I'm fine. I always am."

"I asked if you are happy, not fine," Rat amended. He watched as Badger took a seat at the tired armchair at the head of the kitchen table, and Rat cautiously drew up a chair a little further down. For not the first time – albeit perhaps not as acutely as now – he wondered just how Badger had come to be alone in this sett built for generations. There had certainly always been badgers here, but Rat had paid them little heed before now, for they were a reclusive species and generally kept to their own kin and everyone was happy with that.

He winced.

There it was again, that assumption.

It was the same assumption that had led to such obtuse remarks at the harvest festival and, indeed, Rat could not honestly deny that even he had expected Toad's newest acquaintance to be a passing fad at first. (Toad had a way with folk that rendered many friendships forged but rarely followed-up, and Rat had originally been comfortable with the assumption that Badger would be another such encounter.)

"You know," Rat said, pushing such thoughts aside, "Toad and I didn't – actually, don't, present tense – always get along." He pulled the chair a smidgen closer to the table, settling it with the overt intent to stay. "He reacts a little too impulsively, and I perhaps too little, and we clash as often as we agree." Badger didn't respond, and Rat figured this was as close to permission to continue as he was going to get. "We argued over coming here, in fact." He snorted. "Toad won, of course and I'm – well, I'm glad he did."

"Why are you here, Rat?"

Rat startled at the question he'd thought already answered. "I told you, because you're–"

"Truly. No saccharine sentiments."

Rat faltered, the easy platitude taken from him. In the space he took to consider, a clock tolled somewhere deep in the sett. "I suppose," he started slowly, "it's because I think we could be friends. If we wanted to. If we tried. And because I think, however much you protest, maybe you want that too."

x

A/N: The inspiration for this piece was Vienna Teng's Stray Italian Greyhound song which is technically about learning to fall in love for the first time, but I like interpreting it in a learning to trust a friendship for the first time way. (Especially in Badger's case for this, realising oopsie I caught platonic feels and life was so much easier before, not sure if I hate or love this.) If you want some added feels for this fic, go look up that song ;)

[les-mis-still-makes-me-cry]

Lily Evans Definitely Has a Boyfriend Chapter 2

Enjoy! Chapter 1 is here

Every hour that passed seemed longer than the last. Lily was certain that Remus lived fairly close by, so she was on tenterhooks all afternoon, thinking at any moment Scarlett would flap back through the window. How long could one trip take?

Petunia asked Lily at dinner if she and her “boyfriend” (Lily could hear the quotation marks in her sneering voice) wanted to come to the dinner on Saturday, to which Lily replied that she was sure he would just LOVE to come, she’d just have to write to him and ask.

“Oh, how wonderful,” Petunia replied, sarcasm lacing every syllable. Lily quickly ran upstairs to pretend to write the letter, avoiding any further questioning about her secret relationship.

The sun was just setting when Scarlett returned. Lily raced to the window to catch her, frantically untying the thread attaching the letter to her leg. She started to open it, when she was distracted by Scarlett mercilessly nipping her finger.

“Ow, that hurts you daft- oh, I promised you a treat, didn’t I,” Lily realised. Scarlett hooted in affirmation, ceasing her assault when Lily laid out some of her favourite treats.

Lily quickly opened the letter and started scanning Remus’ neat handwriting.

Dear Lily,

My holiday was pretty standard until I received your letter, which I found highly entertaining. It’s probably not what you want to hear right now but this is possibly the funniest mess I’ve ever heard of you getting into, and that’s including that time you thought Slughorn was flirting with you. I’m still confused at how you supposedly hate your sister, yet want to spend days planning a wedding with her and her friends. You two make me glad I don’t have siblings.

I would love nothing more than to get involved and help you become a bridesmaid, however unfortunately for your plans, I can’t help you this Saturday. There’s a certain monthly engagement that I can’t cancel, as much as I would like to, and I’m sure you want to ensure your sister and her fiancé remain bite-free for their big day.

I hope you can find another actor to play the part, maybe Slughorn isn’t doing anything this weekend (one day I’ll maybe stop bringing that up, but it’s unlikely). Please do keep me in the loop and let me know how it all turns out.

Your friend,

Remus

P.S. Can I still claim on the grovelling some time?  The boys have something planned for the first day back and we could really do with a blind eye being turned. Don’t ask me anything else, I’ve been sworn to secrecy (but it’s mostly harmless, I swear).

Lily sighed in frustration and flopped back onto her bed. Dammit. She hadn’t checked her lunar chart since the astronomy exam in June so she had no idea the full moon was so close. She felt a pang of guilt that she hadn’t thought to check, knowing how much it hurt Remus being reminded of his condition, and knowing that she was one of the few people in the world he trusted to keep it secret.

She’d heard speculation about it for years from Snape, of course, but he was so obsessed with making those boys seem evil she had just put it down to overactive imagination at first. Over time though, she began to see how his theories might line up with reality, noticing the regularity of Remus’ visits home and his exhausted demeanour surrounding them. The fundamental difference between Lily and Snape, however, was that Lily simply didn’t see how it was any of her business. Remus was an alright bloke with terrible taste in friends, and that was all she needed to know.

Lily hadn’t even meant to let Remus know that she had guessed what he was. They were just finishing rounds together one Wednesday night, heading back to the common room after shepherding a sleepwalking Ravenclaw back to her tower. Remus stretched and yawned, already looking a little pale despite Lily’s calculations that the full moon wasn’t until next week.

“What- day are we- patrolling- next week?” he managed to say through his yawn.

“Tuesday, but I can get Marcella to cover you if you won’t be up to it,” she said without thinking, taking off her jumper now she was safe in the warm common room rather than the draughty corridor. When she got it over her face and saw Remus’ stricken expression, she realised what she had just said.

“I mean, not that you wouldn’t be up to it, can’t think of any reason you wouldn’t be okay next Tuesday-” she started babbling, before Remus cut her off.

“Did Snape tell you? He swore to Dumbledore that he wouldn’t say anything,” Remus’ whisper seemed tiny in the empty common room. His face had gone white despite the red glow of the dying fire.

“No, no, I haven’t spoken to him in months and even when I did he never said anything concrete, I just realised that his theory sort of made sense,” Lily quickly replied. Remus stared at her for a long second, biting his lip. He seemed to be trying to figure something out something very complex.

“But you’re still happy to patrol with me and stuff? I don’t want to make you do anything if you’re not comfortable being around… what I am… and I know it’s a lot to ask to not tell anyone, but Dumbledo-” He was cut off by Lily throwing her arms around him.

“Don’t be an idiot, Remus, I’ve known for months and it hasn’t stopped me being your friend. I would never tell anyone.”

After a moment’s hesitation, Remus’ arms closed around her and held on tightly.

***

Lily smiled at the memory, before the sinking feeling hit again, realising that she was still date-less for Saturday night. Remus would have been so perfect as well, she mused. Shame there would be no way of convincing Tuney to change the date, since Lily suspected that would simply result in her losing any chance of being a bridesmaid.

She reread Remus’ letter, hoping for guidance on what to do next.

I hope you can find another actor to play the part…

Who could she possibly get? Obviously, any muggle boys she knew from primary school were out, Petunia already knew them all better than Lily did. All the other Prefects apart from Remus were fairly good friends, but even Lily admitted they were a bit too… reserved for this kind of venture (she stopped herself from using the word dull). She didn’t know any of the Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff boys in her year well enough, and the one Slytherin she knew all too well was absolutely not an option. So that left her with just…

Lily put her head in her hands, finally reaching the conclusion she had been trying to avoid. She knew exactly who would love to pretend to be her boyfriend for an evening, hell, he’d be happy to do it for the rest of the summer. And Merlin knew he would love a chance to pull a prank on someone new, deprived of new targets being stuck with just his family all summer. And, Lily thought begrudgingly, he did have a sort of charm about him that tended to make people like him even when they were determined not to, which Petunia most definitely was. And he wasn’t as appallingly arrogant as he had been a year ago. And he wasn’t the worst-looking bloke in the world, although Lily would never have admitted that unless Veritaserum was involved.

“Fine,” she groaned, reaching for another piece of parchment. Her quill hovered over the page, wondering how to start this thing.

Potter,

She immediately vanished the word with her wand. She was asking a huge favour, now was not the time for surnames.

Dear James,

She vanished that too. She couldn’t have him getting the wrong idea before they’d even begun.

Why was this so difficult? She wondered. In person she seemed to have no issue talking to Potter, or indeed coming up with ever more creative ways to decline his proposals (although she was out of practise on that one). It must be the subject matter throwing her off, Lily convinced herself. After all, how often does one ask a boy who fancies you – or at least did for a while – to pretend to be your boyfriend?

Come on, Lily, it’s just Potter, she admonished herself. Get a grip. Dipping her quill back into the ink, she began to quickly write.

James,

It’s Lily. I know I’m probably the last person you expect an owl from in the holidays but I’ve got myself into a little bit of a pickle, and I think you’re probably the only person who can help me get through it.

I told my sister I had a boyfriend so that I could be a bridesmaid in her wedding. It’s a really long story, but that’s the gist of it. The issue is that I currently don’t have a boyfriend to go with to the dinner on Saturday night for the whole bridal party, and without going to that dinner I have no hope of being a bridesmaid, or ever having any sort of friendship with my sister again.

I am NOT (Lily underlined this twice) asking you to be my boyfriend, just to be clear. What I am asking, stupid as it sounds, is if you want to use your flair for drama for a good cause for once, and pretend to be my boyfriend for the evening. If your Saturday night is free and you fancy playing a Muggle at a nice restaurant, send an owl back as soon as you can.

If you say no I’ll just have to tell my sister you got dragon pox and died tragically this Wednesday out of the blue, and I’ll grieve you accordingly, but know that you’ll watched like a hawk for all of next year (Remus mentioned a certain first-day-back prank that you would very much like kept quiet. I’m not saying I would spoil it, but McGonagall may be pointed in the right direction. Yes this is blackmail, but desperate times, Potter.)

Anxiously awaiting your owl,

Lily Evans

That ought to do it, she thought. She folded up the letter, wrote James’ name on the front, and took it over to Scarlett, who twittered indignantly at being sent out again so soon.

“I know, I know Scar, but this really is urgent. I’ll give you as many treats as you can eat as soon as you’re back, I swear,” Lily pleaded. Scarlett stopped trying to flap Lily away, which she took to mean begrudging acceptance, and tied the letter to her. “It’s for James Potter, I’m sure you can find him.”

Scarlett immediately soared out the window, trying to get back as soon as possible for those treats. Lily marvelled for the thousandth time at how incredible it was that owls could find people so easily, despite Lily having no clue where Potter lived at all.

James, she mentally reprimanded herself. If he was going to be her fake boyfriend, she should probably start with civility. She wondered if this was a good idea after all. Would she even be able to convince Petunia that she was in a relationship with a boy she had been repulsed by the presence of just a year ago? Would he even want to do this with her?

Lily needed something to distract herself from her doubts. She decided to go downstairs and make herself a cup of tea before she tried (in vain, she suspected) to get some sleep. Making her way to the top of the stairs, she groaned inwardly seeing light still coming from the kitchen below. Lily prayed it was her mother, not Petunia.

Thankfully it was her mum, finishing up the last of the dishes from dinner. Lily breathed a sigh of relief and switched the kettle on, picking up a tea towel to help dry off the stack of wet dishes.

“Thanks, love,” her mum smiled, hugging her as best she could without getting her soapy hands on her daughter. “I thought something was maybe wrong earlier, you left dinner quite sharpish.”

“Yeah, I was just…” Lily struggled to think of what to say next.

“Too eager to invite that boyfriend to dinner?” Lily’s mum elbowed her, a knowing look in her eye. Lily welcomed her mother’s excuse.

“Yeah, I’m not sure how long the owl will take to reach him, I’ve not sent him anything before now,” she said.

“Ah, I did think it must be a recent thing. I couldn’t believe you hadn’t told me about him yet!” said her mum reproachfully.

“Ah well, with all the end of year madness to write about I guess I just didn’t think. Plus it wasn’t really such an official thing, it just kind of… happened,” Lily babbled, wondering how little she could say to satisfy her mother. Luckily, her mum was a romantic at heart, and anything Lily said was enough to make her mum sigh happily.

“That’s always the best way, isn’t it,” her mum said dreamily as she absentmindedly scrubbed at a saucepan. “Sometimes they just sneak up on you, and before you know it you’re in love.”

“I’m not in love with James!” Lily squeaked, shocked at the very idea. She cringed at her mum’s next words.

“Ah, maybe not yet, but it’s early days yet, dear,” Lily’s mum smiled. “And his name’s James, is it? That’s a nice name.”

“Yeah he’s… a nice boy,” Lily ventured, hoping her mum wouldn’t notice the twinge of sarcasm in her voice.

“Well I can’t wait to meet him. And I’m so glad you and Petunia are going to have the wedding to bond over, it’ll be a nice change from the bickering.” Her mum finished washing up and started putting away the dried dishes. Lily rolled her eyes.

“Yeah, like me and Tuney won’t find something new to fight about there,” she muttered.

“You two don’t know how lucky you are,” her mum said wistfully. “I always wanted a sister to dress up with, and talk about boys with, and-”

“Help each other sneak out of the house with,” Lily finished the speech for her. “Honestly mum, it just sounds like you think Tuney and I haven’t given you enough trouble over the years, I can sneak out and drink if you really want. I’m still underage in the Muggle world, you know.”

Her mum laughed loudly. “Absolutely not, you cheeky girl. I should probably be grateful that you two never put your minds together like that, I’d lose all authority.”

“What authority?” Lily quipped, and her mum swatted her with the tea towel.

“Shut it, you,” she joked. Her face grew serious again as she took the last of the plates from Lily. “Really though Lil, promise me that you’ll do your best to get along with Petunia until the wedding? You only get married once, and you know how much your sister loves Vernon, I don’t want anything to put a damper on her special day.”

Immediately Lily thought of several choice remarks about Vernon and Petunia, but seeing the look on her mother’s face she realised now really wasn’t the time to play comedian.

“Of course I’ll try mum, I don’t want to ruin Petunia’s wedding. I’ll be the best bridesmaid ever,” she said with as much sincerity as she could muster. Her mum gave her a tight squeeze.

“Thank you so much love, you were always the mature one. Don’t tell her I said that,” she whispered into Lily’s hair. Lily stepped back and mimed zipping her lips, smiling back at her mother.

“Now off to bed you, you may be an adult in your world but under this roof you’re still my daughter,” her mum ordered, swatting her once more with the tea towel.

Lily dodged out of the way quickly, grinning as she poured out her cup of tea. “Yes, ma’am,” she said. She headed back upstairs, her mum following closely behind after turning out the kitchen light.

Still smiling, Lily sat down her bed and took a sip of tea, feeling it warm her up. She regretted that she couldn’t have chats with her mum like that more often, given that she was away so much of the year. Letter writing was okay, but writing always felt so impersonal, so detached from real life. It could never compare to being home with her. She was thrilled to be a witch, but leaving behind her mum every year was as hard as it was at eleven.

But that wasn’t for another month, she reminded herself, clearing the sad thoughts from her brain with another sip of tea. She glanced over to Scarlett’s empty cage, wondering how long it would take for her to return. It was a strange reality of Hogwarts life, she mused, that you could live with people the majority of the year and yet have very little idea of where they actually came from.

Despite her earlier doubts, the tea did in fact tire her out, and within half an hour she was sound asleep.

***

As soon as she woke the next morning her eyes went straight to the window, but Scarlett wasn’t there tapping to get in. She sighed, resigning herself to another day of anxious anticipation. She started to get dressed for the day, trying to prepare what she was going to reply to Potter when Scarlett returned. Would he say yes, she wondered? It had been a year since the last time he asked her out, and Lily knew several girls had tried to go to Hogsmeade with him throughout 6th year. Not that she paid attention to gossip, of course. She wasn’t interested in who Potter was dating, unless it meant that she was without a partner on Saturday night.

She was just heading downstairs for some breakfast when she heard a hoot from the front door. Lily frowned. Why wouldn’t Scarlett just go to her window like always? She tried to continue on to the kitchen but there was another hoot, louder this time.

This was weird behaviour for any owl, and Lily’s was always the model of good behaviour. Maybe she was hurt? Lily rushed to the door, not wanting Scarlett to suffer. She unlocked the front door, and opened it.

Looking down for an injured owl, she saw nothing but a pair of feet in brand new trainers. Her eyes travelled up, and there he was, his hand already buried in his messy black hair. Lily’s jaw dropped.

“Potter?” she croaked.

James smiled in a way he clearly thought was charming.

“Now, is that any way to greet your fake boyfriend?”

***

Chap 3

Thanks for reading! Future chapters uploaded to AO3 here and FFN here :)

[365daysoftododeku]

17th September 2019

Author: CrzA

________________________________________________________________

We Waited This Long

Izuku’s decision to go study in America after graduating from U.A. had been a long time coming. Ever since they started thinking about what would happen once they were done with high school, Shouto had been expecting it. Izuku was following in All Might’s footsteps, and it was common knowledge the hero had gone abroad once he was out of high school himself. But even if that weren’t the case, America had amazing opportunities waiting for young, up and coming heroes that he could surely benefit from. It was only natural that would be the next logical step for someone hoping to become the next symbol of peace after his mentor entrusted him with the task.

At first, Shouto had been upset. After all, his best friend was going all the way across the globe, and not only that, but it wasn’t really a secret that Izuku meant a lot more to him than either of them chose to let on. They had other things to worry about at the time, more important things. There would be time for him to act on his feelings, Shouto told himself, when things were a little less hectic. They both knew where the other stood and that was all that mattered in the then and there. They exchanged caring touches, fond glances, hushed words of comfort, even a few warm embraces that, to this day, still manage to draw out the cold feeling of loneliness with just the memory alone.

Eventually, he managed to accept it, long before Izuku even said his final decision out loud. Shouto was happy for him, still is, really, but even so, that didn’t mean he wasn’t going to miss him terribly.

Throughout the time he was away, they wrote to each other, they texted each other and sometimes even indulged in a few calls, but never video. For some reason, Shouto felt like it would hurt just a little more to see Izuku’s face. It was enough to see him on the news, on online forums, social media posts… Even those, he avoided looking at for too long, lest his heart start squeezing painfully in his chest with the longing. Especially since American news outlets really enjoyed speculating about Heroes’ relationship statuses, and every time they tried to find evidence of Izuku’s interest in someone or another, Shouto was ashamed to admit he felt bile rise up in his throat.

Oftentimes, Shouto would wonder if it was the same for Izuku, this constant battle between catching a glimpse of him and avoiding it at all costs. It was quite exhausting, never knowing which side he should land on.

They constantly talked about visiting each other too, Izuku most of all, given he missed his home and his mother. But in all three years Izuku was set to be away, it never happened. There was always something in the way; villain attacks, an unexpected workload, some accident that ended up costing Izuku the money he had been saving to visit… Sometimes it almost seemed like it was on purpose, but Shouto tried not to entertain those intrusive thoughts for too long. There was nothing to them but paranoia and grief, and it would do him in no good to dwell on the lies of a lonely mind.

Not long after Izuku left, Shouto took to visiting his mother as well as his own. In part, to keep her company, but it was the other way around as well. There were always things that Izuku would forget to tell him or her, and they would have fun completing his stories over tea every other week, if time allowed.

Those three years were long and gruelling, but when Izuku said his last goodbyes at the airport, Shouto had promised him that he would have a home waiting for him whenever he returned to Japan to work at a hero agency. He was a man of his word, so when he moved out of his father’s house, he immediately looked for a two-bedroom apartment rather than something for just himself. He could spare the money, and it was always nice to have a guest room for any of his friends if they needed a place to sleep after an extremely tiring night, considering he lived closer to some of their agencies. And by the time the days on the calendar started the countdown to Izuku’s return, he already had everything ready for him to move in the moment he got back.

Izuku had mentioned in their last call that he already had a job waiting for him at the same agency Bakugou worked at, and Shouto had helped Inko pack his things about a week prior. He would be moving out of her little apartment regardless, but hearing the confirmation that he would be accepting Shouto’s offer from three years ago sent a wave of relief washing over him. Shouto hadn’t even realised how tense he had been during that call, but the moment Izuku asked him if he still meant what he had said back then, he almost broke down crying. Luckily, he managed to keep himself together enough that only a short gasp escaped his lips. The moment Izuku hung up after telling him what day he would be back, Shouto called the agency to get the day off.

Shouto spent the past three years waiting for this day, and now that it’s finally here, he can’t stop fidgeting. His stomach is twisted into painful knots, and his breaths feel just a bit too short, but Inko places a gentle hand over his bouncing leg and squeezes, raising an eyebrow at him as she looks up from the book in her hands.

“Are you going to be okay, Shouto-kun?” She asks with a wobbly smile, and coming from Izuku’s mother, who is notorious for worrying herself sick over him, she seems surprisingly calm. Which really says a lot more about him right now than it does her.

“Yes, sorry. Just anxious.”

She opens her mouth to say something else—something reassuring, most like—, but Shouto jumps to his feet the moment he sees a flash of unruly green hair amidst the airport’s crowd. Inko follows his line of sight and quickly stands up as well, her breath hitching while Shouto’s gets caught in his throat entirely. All the feelings he has been holding onto all these years are threatening to burst out of him, and Shouto is just about ready to run across the airport just to get to Izuku faster.

Except it seems he has the same idea, his large verdant eyes widening even further as soon as he spots them. Izuku nearly drops all his bags in his haste to get closer, his gaze trained on Shouto’s as he weaves past the crowd with such ease Shouto has to blink a few times to make sure he is seeing it right. Just a couple of metres away, Izuku finally lets go of his large baggage, opening his arms as he throws himself forward. And just when Shouto starts to step in his direction, ready to pull him into a tight embrace, Inko steps between them and pushes him back a few steps, intercepting Izuku’s incoming hug by wrapping her own arms around his waist before burying her face in his stomach.

Scratching at the back of his neck, Shouto gives them more space with a stifled chuckle, shifting his weight from one foot to the other as he waits for Inko and Izuku to break apart.

“Look at you! Is it just me or did you get bigger?” Inko sniffles, pulling away to take a good look at her son.

Izuku flashes her a sheepish smile and shrugs. “Maybe a little?” He then turns to Shouto, his little laugh trailing off and a light flush crawling up to his sun-kissed cheeks as he seems to truly take him in for the first time. “I-if anything, I’m pretty sure Shouto-kun grew a lot taller. A-and…” 

He pauses, swallowing, and Shouto furrows his brow in confusion, running a hand through his hair unconsciously and getting his fingers tangled in the knots. Suddenly, he is struck with the notion that he hasn’t really bothered to cut it since Izuku left, his brushing of his bangs away from his eyes the one thing that had reminded him to do it beforehand. After the fact, he just started collecting stolen hairclips from Ashido and borrowed hair ties from Momo. Is that why Izuku is staring? Before he can figure it out, Inko clears her throat, drawing both of their attention to her.

“I’m sure you two have a lot to catch up and all, but you’re going to live together soon, so—” She claps her hands and grabs the handle of Izuku’s bag, smiling brightly at them. “I’m going to take my son home so we can catch up. You understand, right Shouto-kun?”

Despite the sweet upturn of her lips, Shouto can see the threat in Inko’s eyes, biting on the inside of his cheek and nodding in silent agreement. Izuku lets out another tiny laugh, sounding a little more nervous than before, then turns to Shouto and gestures awkwardly before grabbing at the strap of his backpack and throwing it over his shoulder, hanging his head slightly.

“Well, I suppose I will call you two a taxi and take one home myself.” Shouto says quietly, digging into his pocket and taking Izuku’s hand to place the key to what will soon be their apartment atop his palm. “Tell me when you go, I will give you a proper greeting.”

A small smile settles on Shouto’s face, and Izuku’s own expression reminisces that of a deer caught in headlights, getting redder with each second that passes until he closes his fist around the key and stares back at his feet with a muted word of thanks. Shouto thinks he sees Inko rolling her eyes fondly when he starts walking outside to call for the taxis. As Izuku and Inko get settled in one of the cars’ backseats, Shouto helps the driver load the luggage in the trunk, waving them off before getting into his own and pointing the driver to his apartment.

Inko doesn’t release Izuku for at least another five days, but considering how long he has already waited and knowing she has waited just as long, he can’t really find it in himself to be mad or anything of the sort. She is his mother, after all, he knows how much he wanted to spend as much time as possible with his own when she finally got released from the hospital. So, when he wasn’t working, he took care to tidy up the house, make sure it feels like a home and not just a place he has been sleeping and eating in for the past three years. He had never been good at making his spaces feel lived in. Perhaps it was a habit born of his upbringing.

When Izuku sends him a text telling him he will be leaving his childhood home by the following evening, Shouto is happy that he will have a night patrol that day. When he gets home in the morning, he showers, eats, sleeps for a few hours, and is still left with more than enough time to prepare a nice homecooked meal for when Izuku arrives. He might as well put the skills Momo taught him to good use, considering he hardly ever cooks for himself.

Shouto never thought he would enjoy hearing the jiggle of a key in a lock as much as he does when Izuku gets inside, rolling his suitcase behind him and sucking in a deep breath when he catches sight of Shouto by the entrance to the kitchen. Izuku closes the door with a soft click and they simply stand there for the longest time, staring at each other, savouring the moment of quietude.

“Hey.” Izuku breathes, breaking the silence, and Shouto smiles.

“Hey.”

“You look really good,” He blurts, flushing the moment the words are out of his mouth, then clearing his throat. “I just—I didn’t say that, back at the airport. You look good, with your hair—It’s really…” Izuku gulps, sighs, and shakes his head, taking off his shoes without another word.

Making sure that he didn’t forget to turn off the stove before leaving the kitchen, Shouto walks to the living room, gesturing with his head for Izuku to follow. They both sit comfortably on the couch, half facing each other as they lean with their sides against the back of it. Izuku continues to burn holes into his head with his intense gaze and Shouto has to resist the urge to roll his eyes as a fond grin crawls onto his face.

“Do you want to touch it?” He has been told so many times that his hair looks ridiculously soft that it doesn’t faze him anymore. “You wouldn’t be the first to ask.”

“R-really? Are—are you sure?” Izuku sputters, uncertain, and Shouto just nods his permission, tilting his head downward for easier access.

Crooked and rough fingers he has missed so sorely weave between his locks, gentle, kind. His eyelids flutter closed at the touch, a small, contented sigh tipping from his lips, and he hears Izuku’s breath catch for a second, feels his fingers twitch over his scalp. A tiny shiver creeps down his spine.

“That feels nice.” Shouto hums and Izuku huffs out a breath that sounds akin to an incredulous laugh.

“Yeah… It does.” Izuku agrees in a hushed voice, continuing to tenderly pet his head for a few more heartbeats before reluctantly resting his hand over his lap. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too. But you’re here now.”

“I am.” Izuku smiles that brilliant smile of his, and everything in the world feels right. “There’s something I have wanted to tell you for a really long time.”

“Me too.”

Another beat of silence passes. Neither of them says anything, just appreciating the moment, staring into each other’s eyes, taking in the soft smiles and caring gazes. Izuku rests his head on the couch cushion, and Shouto mirrors him, reaching for Izuku’s hands and holding them between them both. His hands are as rough as he remembers them, and he traces the familiar scars over the back of the right one with the pad of his thumb. He may be a little taller, a little wider even, there might be a couple more scars around his arms, on his neck and face, his hair looks a little wilder, but those eyes are the same, these hands are the same, this feeling is exactly the same—perhaps a bit more intense.

“Welcome home.” Shouto says, voice choked with emotion.

Izuku closes his eyes and tears roll fat down his freckled cheeks. “Thank you for having me.”

Shouto could have kept going, told Izuku all of the feelings he has been holding on to for so many years. But they waited this long, they can wait just a bit longer. For now, they will enjoy being back in each other’s company, share a nice meal, and get settled in their new home. And if Izuku chooses to follow Shouto into his room rather than go across the hall, then that will be all the better.

________________________________________________________________

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[prettywordsyouleft]

Through His Eyes - Part 3

Summary: Losing your sight after your accident was traumatic, and Jaebum’s guilt of knowing it should have been him instead creates an intricate bond between you both, as you overcome adversity and try to find your way in life again.

Genre: angst / romance

Characters: Im Jaebum x female reader

A/N: This story is emotional and raw compared to some of the content on my blog. It is in no way an attempt to glamourise or undervalue the lives of those who suffer from something similar. This story is purely fictional.

Through His Eyes will be posted every Tuesday at 10am NZST.

Index: Prologue | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 [M] | 13 - FINAL

“Where are you going?”

Jaebum turned and smiled at his manager Yong, jiggling the car keys in his hands. “I’m going to go out.”

“Where to?”

“Do I have to break down my every step?”

Yong rubbed his face tiredly and then stared at Jaebum. “Again?”

“What?” Jaebum shrugged nonchalantly as Yong gave him a knowing look. “We made plans, and I’ve already arranged Youngjae’s track for the OST as promised. I have no planned schedule for the rest of the day. Now can I go?”

“I won’t be able to stop you from going to Y/N, will I?”

Patting the manager’s shoulder playfully, Jaebum smiled again. “Why would you want to?”

“Your obsession with her needs to stop, you know this right? Fans aren’t dumb; they’ll start to think something is going on.” Yong waved him off all the same and Jaebum promised to be careful and resumed leaving the building.

Once in his car, Jaebum drove out into the sunny afternoon, heading towards your apartment complex. After parking in one of the car spots allocated to your apartment, Jaebum placed on his cap and mask before exiting the vehicle, locking it and going inside. The elevator ride to the fifth floor was its usual juttering self, and he wondered how scary it might feel to you to ride it now.

The doors sprang open after the jolting stop and Jaebum exited the potential death trap, going down the hall and then climbing the small set of stairs to your front door. Your apartment was larger than some of the others on the floor, but it also was in the corner and raised above its neighbour. Jaebum couldn’t quite understand how the building design worked, but it maximised as much of its space as possible. Pressing the doorbell, he waited for someone to answer, smiling as he could hear your voice nearing.

“Who is it?”

“Someone handsome,” Jaebum called out teasingly. The door opened and you peered around, as if you were trying to see. He smiled at the habit and then frowned. “Well, aren’t you going to let me in?”

“I’m searching for someone handsome, but I forgot I can’t see!”

He laughed and stepped into the apartment, removing his hat and mask whilst slipping out of his shoes and into the guest slippers. “You seem to be in a good mood.”

“I don’t know, this morning I fell over.” You fumbled for your leg and then winced as you pressed on an area near your knee. You then extended your leg out to Jaebum. “See, I apparently bruised myself.”

“You’re only adding to your bumps and bruises collection daily it seems.” You shook your head as you navigated over to the sofa. Jaebum sat down beside you and gazed around the room looking for your Mum.

“She’s not here,” you mentioned as if you read his mind and Jaebum blinked rapidly, somewhat amazed at the connection you both sometimes had. It wasn’t the first time you had managed to read him and he tapped you gently, investigating you curiously.

“How do you do it?”

“Since losing my eyesight, I’ve gained magical powers,” you explained, not missing a beat in the conversation. Your personality had come a long way over the past month. 

You then started to move your arms about. “They say when one sense dies off, the others pick up. I’m kind of special, you know.”

“You don’t say.” He eyed your arms, quietly avoiding them as they waved about too close to his face. “So, magical being, what are we doing today?”

Your arms dropped to your lap and you sighed. “It was you who contacted me first saying you could come visit, how was I meant to plan something?”

“You mean I just travelled here and you have no form of entertainment for me?” He laughed and then nudged you, in which you instantly nudged Jaebum back, your past flinching upon sudden contact nowhere in sight. He smiled again, enjoying the confidence that you had started to exude with lately.

“Stop evaluating me.”

“Stop reading me!”

You both laughed and then fell into a comfortable silence. Jaebum glanced around the small living area as an idea came to mind. He wondered how annoyed your Mother would be by the thought though, and sighed.

“What are you thinking?” you asked, your voice halting his thoughts.

Jaebum glanced at you and smirked. “You mean, you don’t know? What happened to being magical?”

“Har-har. Tell me?”

“When did you last go outside?”

Your expression grew nervous. “The other day. We went to my physio appointment.”

“I mean, just to get out, not for an appointment or task?”

“You know I don’t go out much.”

“So maybe we should?” Jaebum gauged your expression, hope and dread mixing as one. “We could just walk around a park?”

“You’ll get recognised,” you instantly replied, your eyes glued to the wall in front of you. Jaebum leaned forward, trying to break your stare. You blinked at his movement but didn’t falter.

“I have a hat, mask, and besides, you said no one handsome was at the door. So no one will be paying attention.”

“My Mum would never agree to this. It’s dangerous. I can’t see.”

“But I can. And I’ll be with you the whole way.” Jaebum could see your judgement changing, the hope out-winning any doubt. “And if it gets too overwhelming, we can just come straight back.”

“Mum is meeting with her friends for a few hours, so I guess it won’t be any harm to go in and out whilst she’s away.” You smiled and turned to him, making Jaebum shift back as he hadn’t realised how close he had been leaning. You also moved and stood up. Pressing down your tee, you then sighed. “I can’t believe I’m asking, but-”

“You look perfectly good to go for a walk around the park,” he assured and a light smile crossed your lips. Then you looked down. Jaebum followed your gaze to your feet and then got up. Heading to the shoe cupboard, he found some blue sneakers and came back to your side, guiding your hands to grab the right shoe. You slowly tied your laces up and then looked at him expectantly. Jaebum double knotted them for good measures and then stood back up.

“Shall we?” you asked, your voice lighter than it was before. Jaebum grabbed your hand and led you to the door.

“Wow, the air smells so crisp!” Twirling around, you grinned and stretched out your arms, experiencing all the new sensations as you walked along. Jaebum stayed near your side without holding onto you, allowing you the freedom to grow outside again. It was like watching a young bird getting ready to take flight after failing its first attempt, and he proudly walked along, soaking up as much of your energy as he could. The air did feel crisper, and not because it was heading into autumn. It was as if you were both breathing in new life together, and Jaebum smiled behind his mask as your steps grew bolder.

“There’s a tree just ahead, do you want to touch it?” he asked and you nodded excitedly, your arms already out and ready to collide with it. Jaebum gave you verbal directions, not wanting to hinder your temporary independence, and soon you were feeling the textures of the bark on the tall tree.

“Jaebum, this is so much fun!” He merely smiled and then your face lost all its colour. He tilted his head to the side at your sudden change in demeanour. “You’re still there, right? Jaebum!”

“I’m here.”

“You didn’t answer,” you mentioned with a grumble, pushing away from the tree and spinning around to find him. Jaebum quickly shifted into your path and you reached for his shirt, gripping it and then smelling tentatively. Relaxing when you realised it was him, you then hit him and Jaebum yelped at the sudden attack. “Too much freedom!”

“Alright, so that was wrong of me. But you were doing so well.”

“I’m still blind, you can’t expect me to understand and hear and smell everything in a foreign atmosphere.”

Jaebum nodded softly, placing his arm over your shoulders to pull you closer. You stiffened as he chuckled. “Is this good then?”

“Oh my god, what if someone recognises you? Get off!”

“You just said-”

“Your skinship is out of control for a new friend, Im Jaebum. Are you like this with all the girls you know?”

Jaebum chuckled and then grabbed your lower arm gently. You accepted this readily, your own hand slipping to grab onto the hem of his shirt again. “I don’t normally have girls rely on me so much.”

“No, because they’re not blind like me.”

“I didn’t mean it like that,” Jaebum groaned and you sighed. You both started to walk again in silence and Jaebum wondered what to say to excuse his poor wording yet again.

You beat him to it though, your head turning away from his direction as you spoke. “I like it, you know. Not because I’m a fan or anything. But your constant touch, it calms me.”

“It does?”

You nodded. For some reason, Jaebums’s heart started to beat irregularly at your statement and he too had to look away to calm down.

“That’s why I panicked. I couldn’t smell you or feel your touch. Don’t do it again okay? If you take me out somewhere, stick to my side so I don’t feel alone in this world.”

“You won’t ever be alone,” he told you firmly, your lips curling up into a shy smile.

“You promise?”

“Of course.”

He then nudged you and you returned the playful gesture, soon feeling confident again to walk without holding onto him. As Jaebum stared at you, he thought over his words to you just now. His promise was one thing he would always keep. It was his fault you couldn’t see the world anymore. However, letting you feel it as normally as you could was just as important to him as making music was.

_________________

[Part 4]

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[okitodorokidoki]

[2] I’m gonna be fine (maybe not tonight)

ao3 | 1,948 words | female reader previous | next

warning: character injury [pairing tbd]

Over the course of your hospital stay, you found yourself avoiding speaking as much as possible. After Chris left, your parents had tried to convince you to step down from baseball. They started off telling you to take a break until you were fully healed, but your father ended up getting so upset with your refusal that he swore you would never touch a bat again before leaving. It wasn't until you heard your pitcher finally came to visit you that you started to feel better. You grabbed the mirror off your bedside table and tried to not look as bad as you were feeling.

It took a few agonizing minutes for him to get to your room, your mother stepping out to let you talk.

"Hey, Kaito." The cap pulled low on his head hid his eyes from the florescent lighting, but you could somehow feel that he wasn't looking at you.

"Hey..." he sat in the chair near the door, as opposed to the one your mother had occupied next to your bed. "The guys all wanted to know how you were doing."

"Definitely better. How'd the game go?"

Kaito fidgeted in his seat. "Good. Akiyama subbed in for you and we closed it off well."

You smiled, tugging at your blanket. "That's good. Akiyama's always been the best at finishing games cleanly."

Your partner let out a short, dry laugh but didn't say much else. A tense silence fell on the room as you waited for him to even look up at you.

"I didn't turn into a gorgon, Kaito." You were feeling too many emotions to label just one.

"We don't think you should come back to practice," he was never one to be quiet, but you almost strained to hear his voice.

"It's not like I'm planning on playing tomorrow. I've got some physical therapy to clear before I can get back on the field." It seemed obvious to you that you were going to have to miss some practice.

The break in his voice was even more apparent with his sudden raise volume. "Ever."

You stared at him until he finally looked up at you, jaw clenched tight.

It was his turn to strain. "What're you saying, Kaito?"

He stood from the chair and made his way to your bedside, fists clenched tightly. "We took a team vote, and we think it's best if you don't play anymore. We don't want you to get hurt like this again."

Your mind found a way to twist his words into soothing you. "You guys don't have to worry about that. I'm tougher than I look, and what're the odds this'll happen again?"

Your bed shook as Kaito's fist slammed into your bed, sending a jolt through you.

"We don't want you on the team anymore." His head was bowed, the brim of his hat hiding his expression. "We don't want to see you at practice, or at games. We never should've let you join in the first place- you were a hazard on the field, and nothing more than a publicity stunt. And now that you got hurt it's backfired, and if we let you back on no one is ever going to want to play against us."

The sudden pain in your chest burned through your meds. You wanted to speak, but it felt like there wasn't any air in your body.

"We don't want you on the team anymore. We never should've let you join in the first place." His voice trailed off towards the end. "So just leave. Keep whatever happy memories you have of us, and leave it at that."

Something covered your face, a shaking touch lingering on the top of your head, before the sound of footsteps and the door closing. Moving whatever was on your face, you looked around the now empty room. The blurred vision startled you before you felt the tears sliding down your face.

"He didn't mean it..." you muttered. "He was just saying that. He didn't mean it."

Clenching your fists, you looked down at what now lay in your lap. Kaito's cap was upside down, showing you the neat writing lining the inside of his brim. Be the battery to shake Koshien and make history! The brim curled between your shaking hands as you read the promise.

"Promise..."

By the time your mother came back, you'd washed your face in the bathroom and hidden the cap in your bag.

"Did Kaito stay long?" she asked, setting up her laptop to get some work done.

"He had to get back to practice. The team just wanted to see how I was doing," you hoped the game on your phone could excuse your clumsy fingers.

-

By the time you'd convinced yourself that Kaito was just trying to go about protecting you the wrong way, and didn't actually want you off the team, your parents forbade you from playing again. They'd left quickly after the announcement, leaving you alone in your hospital room. The sound of the door closing behind them was almost too loud for you, feeling like a cell door sliding closed.

'We should've never let you join the team,' seemed to be the recurring thought for everyone.

You pulled your pillow out from under you to bury your face into it, trying not to choke on your tears and hoping no one heard you.

You were discharged the next day, sent home with well-wishes from the staff that had cared for you, and a referral to a physical therapist. You barely spoke on the way home, not wanting to entertain the thought that you were okay with your parents' decision on the matter. You made it all the way to your bedroom, door closed firmly behind you, before you let out a shaky breath. You had to play again. You were going to play again.

You opened your computer to a few e-mails from Chris. The first one seemed to be before he found out about your incident, the second from after he'd seen you, and the last from the day before.

[It's been a bit since we've written. How are you? I hope you're well, but it'd be nice to hear from you. I need someone to talk to, and it feels easier to write to you than speak to any of my teammates about this. -TCY] [I'm sorry I hadn't come earlier. I've had some things going on, but I tried to come as soon as I could and when it was convenient for our parents. I almost didn't recognize you, until I realised I'd never seen you before. You definitely don't look as bad as you said you did. Anyways, I hope your recovery is easy and I'm here to talk if it's not. Or if it is, and you want to talk anyways. -TCY] [I haven't heard back from you, so please let me know if you'd like me to stop, but I hope you're doing okay. I hear you may get discharged tomorrow? You seem to be recovering well, I'm glad. Physical therapy can be hard, so remember that it's okay to get help from the people around you. -TCY]

You rested your chin on your desk as you read over his emails, regretting not talking to him while you were in the hospital. Your internet connection wasn't that good so nothing really went through to your phone, but talking to Chris probably would've made some of it that much more bearable.

[Chris- Sorry I haven't responded to you. I didn't have a good connection, and even if I did I can't say I could've brought myself to talk about it. Letting it leave the room like that honestly felt like it would've followed me when I left, even though it literally has to. Anyways, I'm sorry I couldn't be here when you needed me, but I appreciate your support more than you may think. Don't stress about being a day late, ahaha, it took my pitcher three to see me, so you're good. Anyways, I'm here if you still want to talk. I may not be the best at what you need, but I can promise that I'll try and return the favor.]

Sending the message with a deep breath, you decided to tidy up your room a bit. You'd left in a rush for the game, and seeing it the way it was sent an uneasy feeling down your spine. You decided on one crutch to support your leg, needing some mobility to get on the other side of your bed for your windowsill. It was hard to move with both your left limbs injured, but you managed with a lot of leaning. You busied yourself with cleaning to the best of your ability, feeling anxious from waiting for Chris to reply. There was no reason to believe he'd respond immediately (if at all) but you still found yourself peeking over at your laptop for a notification.

It wasn't until after a very tense and quiet dinner that your laptop dinged. You'd like to say you were calm about it, but the pain from getting to it as quickly as you could.

[It's good to hear from you. How are you feeling? Any way you feel you can answer right now. Don't worry about the late reply, I'd rather you take the time you need than force yourself to talk before you're ready. And don't worry about not being there for me, you had a very good reason, after all. I feel like I'll understand your appreciation soon enough. I'm sorry to hear about your pitcher, but I like to hope he had a good reason. I'm not coming to you for professional advice, so I hope you don't stress yourself out with my issues. Sadly, I feel like you'd be able to understand me more now than when I'd initially came to you. I assume your mother told you what happened? -TCY]

-

The most communication you'd had through the next week or so was with Chris and your physical therapist. You hadn't been able to tell him that you parents wanted you to quit the team, so you hoped some of your messages didn't come off half-assed. He told you he'd been feeling like he was losing his hope of getting back on the team, how his father was helping him with therapy but insisted he leave the team. Being told that the team pushed him was hard for him to listen to, especially when he only found himself to blame.

Being so close to his situation surprisingly made it harder to understand what exactly he was feeling. You were almost in the same boat, but the causes of your injuries and the system you had around you were different enough that every word of advice and encouragement had you biting your nails, hoping you weren't over-stepping your bounds. Every response of his had that tension uncoiling, like he was some kind of professional mediator, keeping your heart rate at a healthy level. You let him into your worries, keeping that one door locked to not feel too vulnerable.

But he kept letting you in- gently knocking on the door and telling you it was okay to come out whenever you were ready. He'd tell you stories about his team and their struggles, how they never gave up on their dream of Koshien, and it made you yearn for your own team. The team that shut you out. The team that didn't want you anymore.

The team that had kicked you out when you needed them most, and ripped your dream away from you.

[darkmindsthinktwistedthoughts]

Devil’s Temptation pt14

Warning: Mob styling warlords

Masterlist

---

Chapter 14 – Visiting Hours

The thick leather glove felt a little cold on his skin. Over the years of use, it had become soft and supple, yet it was still thick enough for his pet not to puncture it with her lethal talons. Haguro hopped happily from her perch in the small aviary space he had designed for her in his private garden to his gloved hand. Her wings flapped a little as she settled flashing glimpses of her barred body. With dexterous fingers, Nobunaga laced the ankle jesses of the bird around his hand to keep her securely in place.

As Japanese sparrow hawks went Haguro was darker then most he had seen. She was no less beautiful for her uniqueness, in fact, it was something that drew him to her in the first place. She represented the spirit of what he wished for, freedom. She could cast out her wings and fly high over the world below. It must have been a wonderful feeling to know that you could travel so far and not have a care in the world.

Her ability to take down other birds in flight reminded him of the nature of things but it was her eyes. Those yellow orbs staring at him that reminded him he could just as easily be that prey. Maybe not by her claws, but he was always reminded of balance and the fact that someone might come along that was a bigger bird in his cerulean sky. I cannot let that happen.

Nobunaga took out a chicken portion from a bowl of fresh meat he brought with him for the hawk. She sunk her beak into it, yanking it from his fingers and placed it in one of her taloned feet so she could begin tearing parts from it to eat.

“Good girl Haguro.” Nobunaga cooed softly at his pet. The sound of the doors opening into the garden was followed by the heavy footfalls on gravel of someone entering.

“Sir?”

“What is it Hideyoshi?” Nobunaga called out as loudly as he dared without scaring the hawk. It didn’t take long for the other man to join him by the bird enclosure.

“I’m sorry Sir but I thought you would like to know that [Name] has left her room.” Hideyoshi announced sounding relieved. It was no secret that he tended to treat everyone around him like family. He was always more than ready to step in and be that big brother figure someone needed. When it came to [Name] it was no exception. There was no denying that she had been liked by all of his men for one reason or another, Nobunaga knew he was also no exception to that rule. She is certainly an interesting one.

“Fascinating. However, she was not a captive here so she is free to do as she wishes.” Nobunaga replied lazily without taking his eyes from his pet, handing it another piece of raw meat.

“Of course, sir. But that was not why I came.”

“Oh?”

“Mitsuhide has left and taken her with him.” Hideyoshi’s concerned voice gave Nobunaga pause.

“Has he now? What an entertaining girl she is.” Nobunaga smiled as he witnessed Haguro devour the last of her meal. It was true he had visited [Name] and told her something of Mitsuhide’s past but he didn’t expect such fast results. That would only happen if she still felt a connection strong enough to run to his side. Ignore her own pain enough to show empathy for someone who had done her wrong. What a soft-hearted… No, it’s not just her it's him as well. Could a brief encounter really result in such an unbreakable bond?

“You don’t seem surprised by it.” Hideyoshi had been studying Nobunaga in an effort to try to work out what was happening. It was something he prided himself on, reading between the lines and getting what was wanted for his boss. But since his return, it had been harder to read past the text and the margin for error seemed to cast foreboding shadows everywhere around them.

“At this point Hideyoshi I would say I have larger concerns than Mitsuhide and his pet. There is a decided lack of action being taken.” Nobunaga bent down with Haguro and released her jesses from his gloved hand. She happily hoped back to her low perch on the ground and began preening.

“We are doing all we…” Hideyoshi defensively began to protest but was cut off quickly by Nobunaga.

“Not action on our part Hideyoshi. On theirs. We have not received any kind of real movement against us and I have to wonder why. Apart from that press announcement, there has been nothing.” Nobunaga explained with mild frustration as he left the aviary and slid the catch back into place on its door.

“I did notice that myself. What do you think they are doing?”

“If I knew I could counter it but as I don’t, I can only play the different possibilities over and over in my head.” Nobunaga was irritated. It was one thing to be patient it was another thing entirely to sit and wait without knowing if anything was going to happen at all. And the one man who would be able to tell him definitively if something was headed their way was now AWOL. Mitsunari might know at least where his left hand had disappeared to in such a rush. I could ask if he knows where the girl might be. Then if anything is said I was only looking for her, not Mitsuhide.

“Do you think Mitsuhide took the girl to try to get information?” Hideyoshi’s question almost made Nobunaga wonder if Mitsuhide’s mind reading abilities had rubbed off somehow. No, it’s far more likely he came to that idea himself. He has always been focused on keeping an eye on the resident trickster. Personally, I would just like it if Mitsuhide was settled enough to be useful again. It really interferes with business when one of the tools isn’t working properly.

“For all, I know he could have taken her and eloped.” Nobunaga shrugged as he turned to walk away. The light-hearted joke of his caused Hideyoshi to audibly gasp and that reaction caused a little rush of pleasure to rise up in Nobunaga.

“Eloped!? You think they still? But she hates…”

“The older you get Hideyoshi, the more you realise love and hate are two sides of the same coin.”

---

Takahiro moved with all the grace and agility of an agitated cat. He wasn’t exactly jumpy but he was on edge. Time was ticking and he knew it was moving closer and closer to the time where he had to answer for his latest actions. If he couldn’t find her before the time came, his time was up in every possible way.

He pushed open the private room’s door quietly and stepped in. The smell of disinfectant assaulted his nose worse than it had when he came into the hospital, small confined spaces just seemed to help intensify the lingering smell of things even with ample ventilation.

“The doctor just left. They say he’s stable enough to start bringing him out of that coma.” Shin’s words did nothing to alleviate his worried thoughts. Takahiro had hoped that with the other medical condition the man had that it would complicate things enough to give him the bonus of more time. Damn you and your ability to somehow be strong enough to fight back old man.

“I suppose you already cast out the bait?” Takahiro stared at Shin as he asked. We don’t have time now… I don’t have time.

“Of course, I did. I just don’t know how long it will take to attract attention or if it will get the right attention. We still don’t know who or if someone has her.” Shin put a reassuring hand on Takahiro’s shoulder as he tried to comfort him without smothering. It would have been easier to do in the privacy of their own home but in public it was a lot more difficult. Besides Takahiro had never reacted well to people attempting to comfort him.

“Someone has her. If they didn’t, she would have been found by now.”

“There would be logic in that.” Shin nodded in agreement. He had been sitting there silently observing the man in the bed thinking about just that. If she had simply run, they would have found her fast. The fact it had been so long now meant she was hiding somewhere. Either that somewhere was with someone she trusted or it was someone who had taken her.

“As long as it brings her here, I don’t care. I do not lose what is mine.”

---

For the city that never sleeps there was also a hospital caring for its inhabitants. The main city hospital was as busy as ever when Mitsuhide swung his car into the parking lot. It was the largest medical facility in the city and also served as a training centre for medical students hoping to gain a future in medicine.

The ride hadn’t been as uncomfortable as he thought it would. She remained silent for the majority of the journey but it wasn’t unpleasant. She had surprised him. Why had she come to me like that? Attempted to talk to me and smooth things over a little? Was it her naivety and innocence that did that or was it something else? I can’t deny I still fell a strong pull in her direction. Did she feel the same? Could she? I have hurt her. Maybe that would be too much to hope for. The pain in her eyes crushed his heart in his chest when she stormed off. He couldn’t blame her.

Mitsuhide didn’t care for hospitals much. He liked the cleanliness and could appreciate the sense of order they had. But he always thought they were rather boring. All these interesting and fun little toys and all they are used for is to heal… something seems wasteful about that. It was no surprise that when they got hurt on the job, they were usually treated at HQ by Ieyasu. They couldn’t avoid having to go to the hospital at times when things were more than even he could handle. When that happened it usually involved paying a high price to keep it from the authorities.  

After going through a side door on the building they went straight to a desk that seemed like it was little more than a hole in the wall.

“Name?” A rather bored looking desk clerk asked in a lacklustre fashion. They had obviously caught them somewhere between the end of a night shift and hand over for whoever was their replacement for the morning shift. Can’t say I blame you for looking less than energetic given the hole they have you working in.

“Professor Saito, I’m with the University. This is my secretary. I received a call from someone here requesting I see a patient who was asking for me.” The shift in Mitsuhide was impressive, his tone and way he adjusted his gestures it was like he had morphed into a totally different person.

“I see. And does this patient have a name?” The clerk clicked around on what looked like a fairly out of date computer system in front of them on the desk.

“Well, I would assume so.” Mitsuhide’s little joke earned him a rather impressive unamused glare from the clerk which caused him to chuckle slightly. “My apologies, you see the patient I believe is suffering temporary selective amnesia and whilst they can remember some aspects of their life, they have very limited capacity on personal details. It was thought that if they knew who I was I might be able to help with identification.” [Name] stood frozen in awe at the performance. He made it all seem so natural and totally believable.

“Ah. Ok well, that makes sense. Your ID Professor?”

“Certainly.” Mitsuhide took out a card wallet that had several rather official looking laminated ID cards in it. Selecting one he handed it over easily. The clerk took it and clicked around on his computer for a few minutes, pausing to compare the image on the card with the man before them.

“Well, it all looks to be in order. Did you know where you are going?” The clerk inquired as they handed back the card.

“I think so… where was it, Miss Arai?” Mitsuhide’s natural performance had her so enraptured she nearly forgot she was involved in this too. Secretary… right I’m meant to be the secretary.

“I’m sorry Sir. I failed to make a note of that. The patient was recently brought here and…”

“You just can’t get the help these days it would seem.” Mitsuhide interrupted her before she could go so far as to blow her own cover in her panic. He gave a small eye roll with a tiny click of his tongue before turning to the clerk once more. “I’m sorry I do believe I might require a room number after all. A recent patient, one that is marked as a John Doe.”

“Of course, no problem” The clerk gave [Name] a sympathetic look as they searched for the required information. It was a look of a fellow office drone who was all too aware of what it was like to have a boss demanding so much you are bound to forget something minor at some point in the sea of requests.

After leaving the desk they made their way through the passages that were used by the hospital staff to shift patients between wards and treatment rooms without disturbing the rest of the hospital corridors. They weren’t as brightly lit as the rest of the hospital and they were cold. Heating the area was seen as pretty pointless as it wasn’t a place for people to congregate it was just a transition space, all the same, it was like someone had left the door to a large freezer open.

“You could have warned me you were going to pull that.” [Name] pouted as she walked next to him. He hadn’t expected her to seek him out back at HQ he certainly didn’t expect her to insist on coming along. In all honesty, even he didn’t know how he was going to get her in with him. It was her insistence of joining him that meant he had to formulate a viable plan as he drove to their destination.

“And miss you giving such an admirably flustered performance my dear? I wouldn’t dream of it.” Mitsuhide flashed her a playful smile and was pleased to see her cheeks turning pink. She was such an unusual creature she easily captured his attention. You are anything but boring my dear.

“Hey, those ID things.” [Name] spoke up full of curiosity.

“It is probably best if you don’t ask too many questions about tools of the trade my dear. All you need to know is I have need to enter and exit buildings sometimes and these allow me to do that without drawing attention to it.” Mitsuhide deflected her easily. The less she knew of the details the better it would be for her later. She didn’t need to know things like that.

“But if they check and call the university?”

“They will indeed find a Professor Saito on the faculty list. I do not teach classes I am a consultant and liaison between the university and its benefactors. After a long and distinguished career, I was given the honour of such a position.” Mitsuhide answered her as if he was talking about something as normal as the weather.

“Long and distinguished? How long exactly?” [Name] stopped walking.

“As long as it took me to gain access to their system and input some data, my dear.” Mitsuhide who had been checking markers and signs as they walked reached out and pulled open a connecting door to the private wards. “After you my dear.”

“You are terrible.” [Name] shook her head as she passed by him.

“Flattery will get you nearly everything in life my dear however at present we have work to do. I believe this is the room.” Mitsuhide compared the number to the print out he was given and after checking there was no one around and that the only person in the room was the patient he opened the door and went inside.

It was a few moments before he realised, she was not next to him.

“[Name]?” She was frozen in place looking into the room at the bed. Has she never seen someone ill like this before? “Something wrong little mouse?”

“It’s… that’s…” She looked as pale as the white sheets on the bed. What is it? Mitsuhide was acutely aware that this was not a normal reaction. Did she know this guy? If it is someone from Esshu then she might have seen him when she was with the CEO. Concerned Mitsuhide began moving back to her side. The sound of someone approaching reached his ears.

“So nice of you to join the party.”

---

[unrequited--desires-blog]

To all the things left unsaid:

Believe it or not, even remotely finding the courage to write this took a lot; considering that there would be the slightest possibility of giving this to you, of course. Anyway I guess you could say I fucking took my chances , I mean this is your fault and you said you always wanted to read my writing. So here goes nothing… See at the start I saw the world as a utopia of only blacks and whites , rights and wrongs, many fucks and more fuck-ups. I was blinded by all the perfectly ensembled things that I saw; nothing was ever unbalanced or bent. I was so devoid of colour that I had no fucking idea what it was like to exist around anything faintly tinted. It was like I was wearing a fucking visor 24/7 on my head - but between you and me I secretly knew that it was my way of protecting myself; Ignorance was fucking bliss. So I isolated myself from the real world and chose to avoid it. I built a house around me with 4 walls, two black and two white. The house had doors obviously, people could open them and enter, and we would exchange our gifts on special occasions. But it wasn’t that simple with me , I had conditions you see; once you enter you inevitably have to leave and you were never allowed to stay. That didn’t tend to work well with people. Even the ones who visited multiple times, they certainly never came back. I was always told that people come and go, so normally I simply let them come and fucking go. Imprudently, the mere realisation that some people tend to leave things behind didn’t occur to me. Yes, people do come and go but they never truly leave you. The ones that get the furthest away from you, ironically end up being the closest to your heart . Guess who learnt that the hard way? Fucking guarded, I built gates around my house after that, just for extra reinforcement. And then I met you. Now let me be frank, when I first saw you, holy-fucking-shit didn’t you look like a nerd? You were wearing the fucking school blazer and you were quite reserved and you had nice hand-wiring and a resting bitch-face even though your smirk didn’t pass by me - but whatever. At the same time I found you intriguing (weirdly enough I know). Now , keeping in mind, this was before I screamed at you for being and intrusive twat.( I felt bad about that). Any-fucking-way after that I came to the conclusion that I hated you. I wish I remember how I got over that but who knows? For all I remember I made a bet and me being a competitive twat, I never like to lose. Easily enough, I accidently pulled you and as I was pulling I saw you for the first time. You were sweet , endearing and something about you was extremely earnest. Oddly enough, we were more alike than I thought. We both needed something, an entertainer. I’d fuck with you and you’d make me laugh and we were both so fucking good at the game. We lied to each other and disguised the truth because we knew that we had our own personal rules that we obliged to. You had morals; I kissed you, your lips were cold and bitter. I had none- (obviously) -and when I tasted you, I never gave in and I made sure I was hot and sweet. The perfect fucking balance. Perfection. Glorified? Probably. According to the laws of physics, both opposite forces of any kind must be equally distributed to become balanced at all times. That’s pretty hard. We weren’t very good at that. I blame fucking oestrogen and testosterone. The lust was pretty surreal. We were practically governed by our hormones that we ignored all of rationality that could possibly exist around us. Fun wasn’t it? I have a confession. Now if you’ve ever read about love in science’s perspective you’d know that it’s nothing but chemicals and coincidence. It makes perfect sense, you have coincidence, where you meet the person. Here you get hit with like instantaneous lust. So chemically speaking your body releases hormones, high levels of sex hormones and fucking dopamine and its fucking pleasure followed by the lovely low levels of serotonin( literally decodes into chemical obsession). That translates into attraction. Then the enemy of any normal, rational human; oxytocin. This fucking bitch provides you with unwanted attachment issues and any hopes for long-term relationships (probably your biggest fear). So my confession is that I never believed in love and to this day (although I am not as much a love atheist as I previously was) still question it. I believed in science and observations. From what I saw, at first, people seemed almost high of love (fucking hormones) at the beginning and then slowly and painfully it fades until it just becomes ordinary. Or worse, you end up resenting your significant other. Either way there was never a happily ever after. Consequently, I chose to trust in lust, attraction, companionship and symbiotic relationships. This hopefully explains my promiscuous tendencies. Whilst we were lost in our sexual era, I think we forgot how to communicate (besides physically) and you lost all communication as a whole. Many conversations without destinations was always our problem. That wasn’t great for me. Previously, my only moral in the so called love shit was use and abuse (I know horrible, but its what helped me survive and meet my-uncalled-for selfish needs). Not abuse physically-rather emotionally. How-fucking-ever, I was not used to being treated in the same way back in return. The universe and its irony. But you, I have to say, you fucking excelled. I had the withdrawal symptoms of taking heroine away from a junkie. Fuck. I got granted the epiphany of a lifetime. This fucking intruder broke down the walls I built for my lovely home and left me vagrant. I was a naked mess, really. So I did what any normal junkie would do. I searched for an alternate recreation and it was way too fucking easy. Once I got my first hit in a while, it punched me straight in the fucking face. It was worthless, empty and so fucking hollow. It wasn’t what I needed but what I wanted. Far from it honestly. Pathetically, I cried and I cried like a little bitch. Worst-of-fucking-all-for-some-fucking-reason I felt these things I’ve never quite encountered giving the circumstances, such as guilt and regret and exposed with a hint of humiliation. I was truly bewildered. Touching isn’t it, feeling for the first time? Since I lost my house , I had nothing left to lose. With that came this loss for caring followed by the lingering fear of being completely liberated. That’s why society made rules to follow because once your free it becomes quite arduous to actually give a single fuck. Me being me, I was unconventional in my situation and I told you the truth about everything expecting nothing in return. I spat little bits of my pride with every word. Did I give a shit? No. And I let go. I wasn’t shaded from all the things we never said because like I mentioned before, I didn’t believe in love. But the irony of life always slaps in you in the face because I saw it; love. I saw it when I looked at you and I heard in our silence and felt in everyday that I spent without you in every way of the word. Did I become a believer? No. Seeing is believing they say-but I only saw you. When you have nothing left to lose you why should you start to give a fuck? With loss come the evitable lost. Lost is defined as denoting something that has been taken away or cannot be recovered. What’s lost can always be found; recovery is hard when it comes to an addict and just when I managed to tremble my way out of it, you came back. You know that feeling when you find something after losing it for what feels like forever? Ingratiating really is the true definition of that. I was back to my void with you. I wasn’t seeing black and white anymore. I saw you. You were blue and I was red; the primary bases of the colour spectrum. You were the colour of a newly formed bluebell that consumed my crimson soul. Every day I was whirled into your pool and into your myriad shades of blue sinking deeper and deeper into your vacuum completely free of gravity. The thing about sinking is that you slowly start to lose your consciousness as you painfully become deprived of breathing. Oblivion never scared me though. So I let myself sink and deteriorate into you. Here, where each sound is different, every shade of blue was so iridescent and every laugh became a spiral of translucent bubbles, I felt safe-contrary to the popular apprehension accompanied with that of aquaphobia. Our game of desire was toxic. Wrapping your arms around me, your mouth accentuated the gratifying chaos that the colour of your breath created, destroying the inflamed-red, atmosphere that shielded me. Every touch was enticing and you captivated me. I let you. I was so caught up in your vehement blue that I loved you with my eyes as much as my body. In white light, when red and blue collide you get a frequency of 750 THz , until you reach the longest and intimate end of the spectrum. Unequivocal and fated, when you touched me I became a lilac sky and you just simply decided purple just wasn’t for you, pulling apart my seams with every intoxicating trace of your fingertips. Drowning. At the bottom of every ocean its always pitch black and the presence of the deafening silence creates a lingering sense of discomfort. You left me there and what I felt was used. I wasn’t a stranger to the solitude you always create. So if anything you left me where you found me. I can’t say that I didn’t see it coming; love isn’t blind, it’s more like the creator of shaded faith and high expectation. Science never found a definition for love. Innocent until proven guilty? There is no proof. To me, love is nothing but a natural muse, nothing but a physical tactility that leaves you lost in thought and hormones. Were you the lost clarity of it or simply the missing proof? I found some parts of you eventually and I realized that fear is your demagogue. It provokes you and giving in, no, actually giving up is the only way to avoid it for you. Neglecting the things you need is just a coping mechanism because you are so afraid to feel something real. It has this hold over you that is almost inexplicable.  You think that you’re winning, you indulge in it, almost obey it and in return you get what you want and the rewarding fortification that comes with it devours you. You never seized your gaze long enough or held me for too long and I get it. The sheer thought of loss frightens you because it aches. I know it does. No one likes to lose a game, especially you. All the ups and downs and the highs and lows for nothing. Nothing isn’t a deficit. The problem with nothing is that it leaves you hollow and bare. I’ve learnt that no entity in the world compares to the pain of being empty. It makes perfect sense; not a single thing hurts worse than not hurting at all. So in this game of two we were both defeated. Is ignorance really bliss or is it just an aid in forgetting the things that you don’t want to occupy your mind with right now? You helped in rebuilding my walls and I’m settled back home again on my blank street in my opaque world, this time I don’t have doors. On the same street, in a different world with different colours and shattered pieces that I failed to amend, is where you stay. 

[worryinglyinnocent]

The Real Housewives of Storybrooke

A ficlet series based on this premise here, following the lives of Storybrooke’s elite wives, with all the scandal, bitching and backstabbing that goes on behind the scenes of high society…

This verse is open for prompts!

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Previously on the Real Housewives of Storybrooke: It was Regina’s garden party, and Mary Margaret offered to have Bae to stay with their family so that Belle and Cameron could have an adult weekend away.

[Part One][Part Two] [Part Three] [AO3]

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Part Four

BELLE

“So, how was it?”

Belle raised an eyebrow as Ursula leaned in over the dining table, her face full of morbid interest.

“You were at the party too, Ursula. Surely you don’t need me to tell you how it was.”

“Yes, but I didn’t get to speak to you as much as I wanted to because I was busy trying to prevent Carrie from making a spectacle of herself after a few too many glasses of bubbly.”

“I did not make a spectacle of myself!” Carrie protested. “Pass the bacon.”

“The only reason you did not make a spectacle of yourself is because I was there to stop you from initiating a karaoke tournament,” Ursula pointed out. “Sometimes I wonder why I bring you to these things.”

“Well, someone’s got to liven them up.” Carrie sniffed emphatically as she took the bacon. “I’m sure that David Nolan would have been up for karaoke. I needed to entertain myself somehow. You were talking shop with Ariel and Eric Prince all evening and I was bored!”

Sometimes Belle found it hard to believe that Carrie was a top lawyer in the family court known for her ball-breaking, take no prisoners attitude, able to make even the most hardened of judges quake in their boots at the mere mention of her name. She and Cameron had met years ago when they had interned at the same partnership and had remained in touch long after Cameron had left the legal profession. Carrie and Ursula’s arrival in Storybrooke had certainly caused more than a few raised eyebrows among the gossips, Carrie’s outrageous appearance being the main cause of the whispers, but Carrie had never cared what anyone thought of her, and her presence in Belle’s life was a breath of fresh air in the stuffy society that she had found herself in.

“Anyway, what I’m trying to ask is how was the party for you?” Ursula brought them deftly back to the point. “There were no raised voices or flying foodstuffs so I’m counting that one as a success.”

“Well, I managed to avoid Zelena West all evening by hiding whenever it looked like she was coming near.” Belle shuddered at the thought of having to talk to the woman who had styled herself as her rival without any input from Belle herself.

“She’s a piece of work that one,” Ursula muttered, glaring at the toast rack as if it had done something to offend her. “Airing everyone’s dirty laundry, as if she hasn’t got any of her own. You know I’m not entirely sure that Robyn’s father is the man she’s always claimed him to be. She just wants an excuse to stick around here and meddle. I know she’s Regina’s stepsister, but I don’t think that there’s a lot of love lost there either.”

“At this point I wouldn’t put anything past her,” Cameron said from the other end of the table. “Put her and Cora together and you have an absolutely lethal combination. It’s a great relief that Zelena didn’t take up the family business. Can you imagine her in local government?”

“You know, I keep expecting her to get a seat on the council just so that she can spend meetings ogling you, Cameron,” Carrie said. “She’s hardly been subtle in her admiration.”

“Yes, and don’t I know it.” Cameron shook his head. “Nothing about that woman is subtle. Short of a restraining order, I’m not quite sure how to get her away from me.”

“It makes no sense in my book,” Ursula mused. “If, in some weird parallel universe, she succeeded in her mission and got Cameron to have an affair with her or leave Belle for her entirely, then she’s only making herself into the villain of the piece. No amount of poison that she could spread would change that or garner any sympathy for her, and it wouldn’t paint her precious Cameron in the best of lights either.”

“Well, no-one ever claimed that common sense was one of Zelena’s strong points,” Belle said. “I don’t think that she ever thinks about anything more than what she wants in the present, and what she wants in the present is Cam.”

“It wouldn’t be so bad if she didn’t already have a nice hunk of man candy on her arm,” Carrie said. “What? I’m bi, I’m not blind. What do you think her latest catch thinks of all this?”

“I doubt he’s realised yet.” Ursula snorted. “She does seem to change them as often as she changes her underwear. I think she has them on rotation, a different one for every day of the week.”

Belle burst out laughing and tried to cover it with a discreet cough into her napkin. Carrie just gave her an amused look.

“It’s all right, dear, we’re all as bad as each other,” she said.

“I know, I know. I just don’t want to be as bad as Zelena.” Belle sighed. “Don’t get me wrong, I do enjoy our little brunch bitching sessions like this, but I can’t help thinking that the one we’re bitching about is doing exactly the same thing this morning and I don’t want to sink to her level.”

“When it comes to people like Zelena, there’s no point in taking the moral high ground because it’s completely meaningless to them,” Ursula said sagely. “Don’t feel bad about it. Besides, you know that we only talk about these things within the confines of this lovely conservatory. We don’t go spreading our thoughts all around the town.”

“And come on, after all the poison that she puts out about everyone else, it’s nice to get our own back,” Carrie said. She swirled the straw of her Bloody Mary around in her glass. “It’s Robyn that I feel sorry for. She’s getting to that age when the things that her mother says and does are going to affect her. But speaking of, when’s Tilly next coming?”

Belle smiled. Cameron’s goddaughter had certainly hit it off with Robyn the last time that she had visited, and Belle couldn’t wait to see that relationship blossom.

“She hasn’t said, but she’s overdue a visit. She’ll probably come before summer’s over.”

“It’ll be good to see her again.”

They fell into silence as they continued to eat, hunger outweighing the need to gossip.

“Speaking of young love, though, I did notice that Emma and Bae were spending a lot of time together yesterday,” Carrie said presently. “I think that you might want to keep an eye on those two. They’re getting to that age now.”

Belle cast her mind back to what Mary Margaret had said about having Bae to stay for a few days so that she and Cameron could have some alone time for uninterrupted baby-making. Maybe they ought to stipulate that the two teens be chaperoned all the time.

“Yes, well,” she said quickly, deciding that it would probably be a good idea to change the subject. “What’s the next big event? I know that Regina’s organising Roland’s birthday party, but I don’t think we’ll be invited to that.”

“No, I think that would be smalls and the parents of smalls only,” Carrie said. “Not that the parents won’t be in dire need of a drink by the end of it. A dozen kids under the age of ten running around hyped on sugar and food colouring is not my idea of fun.”

Belle gave a somewhat wistful sigh. Although it was still a way off, she was already thinking about brightly coloured frosting and balloons. Cameron reached under the table and squeezed her hand.

“I think that the next event in our social calendar would be Ariel’s birthday in two weeks,” Belle said, dragging her thoughts away from what could have been. “I think she’s just planning something small with a few friends; she’s never been great at organising big parties and she and Eric have been so caught up in doing up the boat and opening up their New York office recently that she doesn’t have the energy for party planning.”

“Yes, it’s always much easier when you can just turn up and get drunk instead of having to be a nice responsible host,” Carrie mused. “Maybe that’s why I always enjoy other people’s parties far more than my own.”

“You turn up and get drunk at your own parties,” Ursula pointed out. “I ended up hosting your fortieth because you were too busy dancing on the punch table.”

“And an excellent night was had by all,” Carrie said with a grin of nostalgia. “We ended the evening sitting on lilos in the swimming pool with Cameron teaching us some incredibly rude songs about kilts.”

Belle looked sideways at her husband. “I take it that this is from before we were an item.”

Gold nodded. “You’d only just moved to town and I’d only just got divorced. Things were a bit lively then.”

“A Scotsman clad in kilt left the bar one evening fair,” Carrie began to sing, breaking off when Ursula stamped on her foot under the table.

“Carrie, we have polite company and it’s not even twelve o’clock yet, have some decorum!”

“I really don’t mind,” Belle protested, but the rest of the song remained unsung. She’d have to get Cameron to tell her the rest of the lyrics later.

Brunch continued to be a riotous affair, and by the end of it, any lingering stresses that Belle might have had from the previous evening had been thoroughly squashed. It always lightened her heart to know that whatever happened, Carrie and Ursula would always stand by her and Cameron’s side.

As they were walking back along the road towards the pink house, Belle slipped her arm through Cameron’s, enjoying their closeness.

“I’ve been thinking about what you said,” he began presently. “About Mary Margaret’s offer.”

“Yes?”

“I think we’re a little overdue a break, and I’m sure that Bae wouldn’t mind being able to spend more time with Emma. I’ll call Dove and get him to make sure that the cabin’s ready for next weekend.”

Belle smiled.

“Thank you, Cam.”

Even if nothing did come of it, it would certainly be nice to spend a romantic weekend away. As Cameron had said, they were overdue, with other stresses of life and business and work eating into their time with each other. It would be nice to take a day or two to reconnect as husband and wife.

[myrskytuuli]

Ghosts in the Mansion

Oh, what’s that? the duck fandom ordered more angst? No? You’re getting it anyway. 

Little Webby is convinced that the mansion has a ghost in it. And with no friends to entertain her, she might as well try to find that ghost. And she might not be entirely wrong thinking that Mister. McDuck doesn’t sleep well, because he is being haunted. 

“-You can’t let it haunt you forever-.”

“Nothing’s haunting me!”

Young Webbigail Vanderquak tip-toed away from the door that had been left slightly ajar, feeling just a tiniest amounts of guilt for eavesdropping. But then again, she hadn’t meant to eavesdrop, she had been walking the hallways, minding her own business, when she had overheard her grandma and Mister. McDuck. Eavesdropping might have been rude, but overhearing was something that could happen to anyone.

Besides, she couldn’t be blamed for walking past the same door over and over again, it wasn’t like there was anything else for her to do.

Hurrying back to her room, the very young girl jumped on her chair, which rolled over to her bookcase, where the girl snatched a rope and used the momentum to swing herself on top of the sturdy wooden structure. With practiced ease, she reached for the secret notebook taped to the wall behind the bookcase.

Settling down on her spot, on top of the bookcase, she started to leaf through the notebook, eyes critically scanning her previous notes. The big picture was starting to form from the clues that she had been gathering for a long while now.  

The McDuck manor had a ghost in it.

It only made sense. A manor like this had to be haunted, she had never read of an old manor with secret rooms and mysterious artefacts, inhabited by an eccentric old man, of not being haunted.

And there were clues all over the place. Firstly, there was the fact that Mister McDuck never let anyone visit him in the mansion, expect of course grandma, but Mister. McDuck had to let her in, because otherwise no one would clean or cook in this place. And If Webby was owner of a mansion like this, she would have invited friends over every day! She would have invited total strangers too, and made them her new friends! It just wasn’t normal to not ever invite anyone in without some reason.

Then there was the fact that sometimes Webby could hear Mister. McDuck wandering the halls, and mutter to someone who was not there. Sometimes he would even stay up the entire night pacing in circle, or the halls, or just staring into nothingness. Webby had done her research, and concluded that it might be a case of possession. Or maybe there was a ghost who was specifically targeting Mister. McDuck, and keeping him up at nights. It might also explain why he was so grumpy during the days. Webby was also grumpy herself if she didn’t get her proper sleep.  

And of course there was the keen knowledge that grandma was trying to keep something secret from Webby. She never answered when Webby asked about Mister. McDuck’s nightly wanderings, or why they never had any visitors in the mansion, or why it sometimes felt like there was something heavy and frightening weighing down the air of the mansion. She only told Webby that she was imagining things, and that what Mister. McDuck did was his own business, and that she shouldn’t bother him too much. But Webby could hear in the tone of her grandmother that not everything was all right. That something was wrong, and that she didn’t want Webby to know about it.

But Webby did know about it, and she had to do something, even if none of the adults were going to do anything. Webby, who had nothing but time in her lonely hands, and an adventurous heart, (and the sneaking hope that maybe if the ghost was banished, people would start coming to the mansion and Webby wouldn’t be so alone all the time.)

Now, after consulting books, it was time to find the actual ghost, which meant that it was time for fieldwork. She had prepared well, watching all the episodes of the ghost-hunters, reading all the books she could find, and by making herself a notebook for guidance.

Two months ago, Webby had found the vents, and consequently that they were just big enough for a young duck-child to crawl through. This had led her to start a mapping project and kept her entertained many long evenings. She might not be able to do any exploration outside the mansion, but at least she could claim the honour of being the expert in exploring the inside of the mansion.

But there were still many spaces and many rooms that she had not visited. Dropping down from the vent into darkened room always brought the same feeling of rush to her. The first glimpse around in a place she had never seen before. The endless possibilities.

Well, mostly the rooms did resemble each other. The same style of furnishing, the same amount of dust gathering in the corners. But there was always something new to be discovered in every room. Maybe it was an old map hanging from the wall. Maybe it was the ancient samurai sword placed on the mantle of the fireplace. Maybe it was the basket of pearls on top of the unused piano.

The room that Webby dropped down into, didn’t at least on the first glance seem to hold any notable treasures in it. But Webby knew that first looks weren’t everything, and that she wasn’t looking for treasures anyway. She was looking for the ghost, and she had deducted that the best place to start would be from the east-wing of the second store, because even Grandma wasn’t allowed to clean in those rooms, and Mister. McDuck himself avoided ever going in there, even if he had to take the longer route to the west-wing stairs if he wanted to go to the third-floor.  

Webby slid her feet on the floor, trying to be as silent as possible, even if she was sure that neither grandma nor Mister. McDuck were anywhere near. The room was only very faintly illuminated by the light of the moon filtering through the dusty window, but what she could see in the dim lighting was that the room had at some point been a bedroom. This room had probably been a guest bedroom at some point, before the dust and the cobwebs had taken over. There were two beds neatly positioned underneath the small window, and empty shelves lining the walls. For a room so impersonal, there was still a whisper of something that suggested that whoever had been the last person to sleep here, had not been the most considerate of guests. There were little marks on the furniture that suggested a rough use once upon a time, and all kind of little holes and scratches on the walls, that were almost familiar to what Webby’s own walls looked after trying out how to make a pen stick from the wall.

Fishing out the small pen-light from her pocket, (She always came prepared), Webby started to peer into the shadows.  

“Hey ghost! If you’re listening, it’s me, Webby Vanderquak. And I’m not afraid of you!”

Webby shivered slightly. Everything around her was perfectly silent.

the shelves were empty, as was the closet. There was nothing but years’ worth of dust underneath the beds, and the writing desk had notches and ink stains in it, but nothing that would tell any interesting stories of the rooms former occupants.

Swallowing back her temptation to crawl back into the vent, and to her own room, she instead peered behind the bookcase on the right-side wall. Expecting nothing more than more cobwebs, she was surprised to see something nestled between the wall and the corner of the bookcase. Stretching her short hand, she managed to hook the end of her finger in the old leathery strap. Pulling the item out, she could identify it as an old and cracked pair of aviator’s goggles.

Excited, she turned the item around in her hands, coughing a bit as the dust flew into her beak. On an impulse, she pulled the item over her head, noticing that the pair was a tad too big for her, and even if the size would have been fit, the lenses were both so dull with dirt that you couldn’t see through. She had to pull the goggles up, but kept them still resting against her forehead, because they were cool.

Getting back up, she let the small pen-light travel on the bare walls. She was already getting disinterested, and started to think about leaving the room, when she noticed something half-hidden behind a table leaning against the wall opposite of the window and the beds.

Creeping closer, she realised that the white, square, shape was actually a painting covered with a sheet. A quick glance on the wall also revealed the hooks already in place to hold the heavy-framed picture. Apparently, the room had been for some reason abandoned before picture had made it to the wall. Or maybe when the room had been emptied from all of its other decorations, the painting had been left behind.

Curiosity peeked, Webby reached for the corner of the white cloth, wanting to see what type of a painting was hiding underneath it, but her moment was disturbed by a loud bang coming from behind her. A high pitched squak escaped her beak and instinctively her hand, still holding the penlight, stabbed forwards.

Jumping around, she saw Mister McDuck standing on the open doorway, an ancient musket on his hands, looking like he was ready to chase a burglar or two away all by himself.

When his eyes settled on Webby, standing in the dusty bedroom, aviator’s goggles hiding half of her face, the weapon dropped from his hands and clattered on to the floor. Webby flinched again at the sudden sound, but otherwise felt relieved. At least she wasn’t about to be shot.

“Mister McDuck…I can explain…?” She tried, not actually knowing how she could explain snooping around in his mansion at this time of the night.

Mister McDuck did not shout, or growl, or do anything that Webby expected of him. He didn’t do anything, expect stare at Webby, or at least stare at where Webby was currently standing.

“So um…”

“So it’s you? You are the girl whose footsteps and voices I hear coming from the east-wing at nights?”

“Well… I guess I kinda do speak to myself from time to time…So, you’re not mad?”

Mister McDuck blinked, and suddenly Webby wished that she had not said anything. A storm cloud settled over Mister. McDuck’s face as he gazed at the little girl in front of him.

“Mad? Of course I’m mad! What in Dismal Down’s do you think that you are doing?! Wandering around at nights, keeping me awake! Going in to places you are not supposed to go!! Destroying my property!”

Mister. McDuck pointed behind Webby, and a quick glimpse back made Webby curl into herself in shame. Her penlight had ripped at the the corner of the painting. The white cloth had pooled on to the ground, around the picture, but Webby no longer had any interest in what the painting was depicting. She was too concentrated on keeping the tears at bay.

“I’m sorry, Mister McDuck.” She whispered, feeling utterly dejected.

“Yes well.” The red coated tsillionare coughed awkwardly. “Just make sure that you stop wandering from now on. I’ll be talking to your grandmother about your behaviour. Besides, there are many dangerous things on these abandoned rooms, you might end up in an accident, if you go off by yourself.”

Webby would have asked if maybe Mister. McDuck could then come with Webby, so it wouldn’t be dangerous, but the cold finality and the very underlying bitterness of the last sentence stilled her tongue. It had been a stupid idea from the start. Mister McDuck wouldn’t want to go of gallivanting with little girls anyway.

[day6imagines]

Spring Reunions

[ youngk ]

requested!

word count; 1.8k genre; angst/fluff

summary - YoungK comes back home to be reunited with his lifelong best friend. However, he soon realises that things have changed. Due to being away and loosing contacting over the years he has been gone, it is not as easy to know your friend anymore.

The buzzing of my phone indicated that it was time for me to get up, whether I wanted to or not. I pulled the heavy duvet over my head to keep in the warmth and to avoid getting up. Eventually, I rolled out of my bed, pulling my blankets with me, landing with a hard thud. I untangled myself from the mess of blankets and pulled myself up from the ground. Realisation soon hit me when I realised what day it was today. Today was May the tenth. The tenth of May is just a normal day to anybody else, nothing spectacular or relatively interesting. Today, he was coming home. YoungK was coming home.

I rushed over to my bedroom window and peeped outside. The Kang’s driveway was empty meaning that they must have already left to go to the airport and collect him. I was feeling all sorts of emotions; anger, excitement and upset. I even felt slightly sick.

YoungK and I had been friends for as long as I can remember. When he told me everything about how well his auditions went and that he would be moving to Korea three years ago, happiness was an understatement of how I felt for my best friend. I was proud and delighted that he was getting the opportunity which he deserved to live and pursue his dreams, especially under one of the biggest entertainment companies in the Korean music industry. Initially, maintaining our friendship was simple, easy even. We video chatted almost every morning and night. However, our contact soon deteriorated. A few weeks later our only contact was a phone call a week, which turned into a few texts a week before it all came to an unfortunate end. Neither of us have spoken in months and honestly I didn’t know how to feel about this. Before he moved away we had been so close and for such a long time too. We had been through everything together; first days of school, first concerts, first break ups and so on.

The only idea I had of YoungK’s life now was what I secretly saw through his relatively frequent Instagram posts. He seemed so happy; happier than I had ever seen him before. His new life seemed to be going very well for him and of course I was happy for him. However I couldn’t help the little bit of anger and jealousy that built up at the pit of my stomach. Why couldn’t I still be apart of his life? I was distraught and heartbroken over the thought of having lost my best friend, but sadly that can happen. I just never thought it would happen to me, to us.

After making my bed, showering and getting dressed, I made my way down the narrow wooden staircase and followed the scent of coffee that always seemed to linger in our home, to the kitchen. Mum had left a note written in small neat handwriting on the small blackboard by the fridge. It read: ‘I’m over at the Kang’s!! Come over when you’re up! Xx’ I sighed. My mother and YoungK’s mother instantly became friends after my parents moved into this quaint neighbourhood. I guess the fact that our parents are best friends meant it was inevitable that we became so close. We were also the only kids the same age on our street. My mother had a slight idea that YoungK and I had drifted apart but what she didn’t know was that we had not been in contact for months. Luckily, I could use my hours of college work as a good excuse and distraction.

I sat at the kitchen table, hands wrapped securely around a warm cup of coffee while I internally debated on whether I should or should not visit him. Of course it would be rude to not see him and I am not the type of person to do that. What if he didn’t want to see or speak to me? After two more cups of coffee and nervous nail biting and pacing, I made up my mind. I had to see him. Just before I was about to leave there was a soft knock on the back door. I turned around to be greeted by him. It looks like he had the same idea as me.

After a rather awkward, unbearable silence, YoungK smiled and walked over to me before pulling me in for a warm hug. I stood still, not comprehending what was happening with my arms hanging limply by my sides. YoungK immediately acknowledged that I had froze, making him pull away from the uncomfortable embrace.

“Is everything okay Y/N?” YoungK softly spoke, eyes looking up to meet mine.

Before I could prevent myself from snapping at him, everything spilled.

"Of course everything is not all right. You know it isn’t. Why, you - you don’t just shut people out of your life YoungK, like they mean nothing to you! I’m so happy for you and I have been understanding of your busy schedule but if I did something wrong for you to just ignore me then please tell me!” I quickly blurted. Before I could prevent it from happening, tears built up and spilled down my probably red cheeks. I lifted the back of my hands up to my face, wiping the tears away furiously.

YoungK stood still looking perplexed. Before he even had time to respond, I grabbed my keys from the counter and hurriedly exited the house, ignoring his calls.

Toronto is a beautiful city, but I had been here for almost twenty two years so there was no place I didn’t know about or hadn’t been to. There are only a few places which I visit umpteenth times and refuse to get bored. My particular favourite was a small park located ten minutes away from my home and just on the outskirts of the city. I walked through the park up a small hill near the back to a tree where I like to go sometimes to think or simply relax. The view was scenic and serene. Spring was my all time favourite season. I adored everything about it; the fresh and bright weather, the full, colourful trees and flowers in bloom and the long, bright evenings. Spring was a new start.

A sigh escaped my lips whilst I overlooked the city waking up to a new day, a bright azure sky with very little clouds floating about overhead. Why had I given out to him so harshly? It was inequitable and uncalled for.

I’m not sure how long I had been gone for but I didn’t mind. I tried to gather plausible reasons in my mind to give YoungK about why I had been so upset with him. I couldn’t run away and hide forever, I’d have to face him sooner or later.

“Hey there stranger,” an all too familiar voice called, startling me and causing me to jump. I turned around to see YoungK walk out from behind the tree with a small smile etched onto his face.

I coughed to clear my throat. “Oh, um… hi,” I quietly replied, avoiding eye contact. I felt utterly humiliated now.

“Can I sit down?” He asked, pointing to the earth by my right hand side. I nodded my head, signalling 'yes’.

There was silence. Not awkward, just calm. I sneakily glanced up at YoungK to see him gazing at the city, a look of contentment and awe plastered onto his face.

“I’m sorry Y/N. I am really so sorry,” YoungK said, turning his head to look at me. I looked down at my lap.

“I’m sorry for shouting at you, that was uncalled for,” I added.

“You shouldn’t apologise, you were right and I’ve been a terrible friend to you. Honestly, I don’t know why I stopped contacting you and my busy schedule is a lame excuse, you’re always worth making time for Y/N,” YoungK elucidated, turning around to face me. A shy smile crept its way onto my lips.

“Can we please forget anything ever happened, all I want is for us to go back to the way things used to be,” I said. YoungK reached over to pull me in for a second hug that day but this time I hugged back, tighter and not wanting to let go. His scent was something I never realised I had missed so much; warm milk and honey with undertones of cinnamon.

I quietly chuckled once we both pulled away.

“What?” YoungK questioned, looking slightly confused.

“I don’t know, you just look really happy and it’s cute,” I smiled.

He smiled even more, “ that’s because I am happy to be back here with you, I have missed you so much Y/N.”

After what felt like hours of catching up, me talking about college work and YoungK about his life as a musician miles away, I could not help but drift off into a deep sleep. I was unsure of how long I had been asleep, but once I woke up recognition hit me. I had fallen asleep on YoungK’s lap. I quickly opened my eyes to look up and see that he was looking down and smiling at me.

“Oh em I am sorry,” I mumbled sitting up from the slightly awkward and uncomfortable position.

“I should’ve said this a long time ago,” YoungK began, sitting up straighter once I got up. I wiped my tired eyes clear and turned to face him, raising an eyebrow. He messed with his hair, a habit he has always had, indicating he was nervous about something.

“Honestly, I sort of stopped contacting once I left, in hopes that my feelings would disappear,” YoungK continued. I was confused, what was he trying to say?

“Y/N, I really like you. I have liked you for a very long time. You have grown up with me my entire life and I thought if you knew about these feelings that it would somehow ruin our friendship. I thought that if I distanced myself that maybe I could move on, but all that time I was away you were the only person I had on my mind and how much I missed your laugh, the cute way you scrunch your nose when you’re embarrassed or the way you twirl your hair when you’re thinking, and I just… I don’t know what to do, but yeah… I think you’re the most beautiful person I have ever had the privilege of spending time with…” YoungK announced, grabbing both of my hands.

All I could comprehend to do in that moment was throw my arms around his neck. I buried my head in the crook of his neck.

“I like you too,” I finally said.

“You do? You’re not just saying that because I did, are you?” He added, breaking away from our embrace.

“No I am not, I really, positively like you, a lot,” I smiled.

YoungK lifted me up and placed a small soft kiss on my forehead.

[ m a s t e r p o s t ]

[ now accepting request submissions ]

[fallingthunder]

Too Far From the Road - Chapter Two

The kitchen was almost empty when I finally limped into it, with only a few stragglers left milling around. The kitchen, unsurprisingly perhaps, given that the dwarvish appetite was a large one, was built in palatial proportion. High ceilings, large, square floor space with all the furnishings anyone could think of, and plenty of room for the army of people working in it to move about unhindered. At any given time, day or night, there was food laid out on a large central table. The prosperity of the mountain meant that food was never in short supply, even if the best was saved for those above stairs.

I put my bucket, mop, and brush away in the storage chamber at the rear of the kitchen and went to the central table to collect the food I would take back to my chamber with me. I moved quietly, hoping not to draw attention, and checked every so often that Vald was not watching me from some out of the way place.

When I had arrived in Erebor and managed to engage in employment in the Mountain, I had thought that it would be the King under the Mountain who would be the most intimidating person I had ever met. It turned out, however, that Vald was the one to take that title. A female well past middle life, she cut a formidable figure; once held to be a notable beauty, her looks had faded, but nobody could deny the magnificence of her iron-grey beard, plaited in intricate style. Just looking at it made me want to scratch my, essentially hairless, face.

When I had first met her I had assumed that she was just the head of service in the kitchens and dining room, but as time went on I realised that she controlled everything domestically in the Mountain. If Vald didn’t like you, nobody liked you. It made my position here precarious.

Glad I had managed to avoid her, or anyone else that might ask questions, I staggered back to my room, missing my brush as support. On my hard bed, I lay down, still in all my dirt, and fell asleep.

Another week passed in interminable monotony. Nothing changed. I was tired, constantly dirty and wishing the Mountain away. Added on top of it all, the small part of me that wanted closeness to the Prince was shamed into embarrassment by the part of me that knew how terrible I looked.

Once evening, my day’s work finally finished, I opened the door to my little chamber to find that the door bumped into something as it swung open. I immediately felt defensive, wondering if something untoward had crept into my room. I didn’t lock it as I had no valuable possessions, but it didn’t mean that something couldn’t be waiting for me. I held the candlestick tightly in one hand and stepped into the room, searching it with one quick glance. The room itself was tiny. My bed took up most of it, with a foot of space between the edge of the bed and the wall on one side. All of my clothes were kept under the bed. It meant checking for an intruder was easy and I felt relieved that there was nobody there. I took another step and my boot bumped into something on the floor. I looked down to find a basket on the floor.

Frowning I glanced outside the door, shut it and picked up the basket. Stuffed into it was smoked ham, bread, half a pie, tomatoes, apples and half a pint of cider. I removed everything and lay them on the bed carefully. Finally, at the bottom, I found a note. I unfolded it and brought the candle closer to read.

 I hope I am not overstepping the mark.

 T

I blinked down at it, reading it several times before I could really get my head around it. “T” stood for Thorin, for that I was sure. No one but he had made the effort to start a conversation with me, I wasn’t sure how he’d managed to find out where I slept, but I supposed that it was within his power to do so. The Prince has sent me a food basket, what did that mean? I hadn’t heard that it was something he did, he himself said he didn’t start conversations with the servants. I was thin for a dwarf and I had to admit that travelling had meant that I hadn’t always had the best food. I rarely had been able to get food as nice as this. He must have guessed.

I put all the food back in the basket except one apple, which I bit into, and shoved the basket under my bed. It didn’t take much thinking to decide that I had to take this to my parents and share it. They couldn’t afford much food and this would help my mother regain some strength. I had a day off in two days; I could take what I could to them then.  Feeling happy at the prospect of seeing my parents and being able to bring them something when I came, I finished my apple and settled down to sleep.

 I woke early the morning of my day off. I wanted to leave before the rest of the staff started work. I had removed the contents of the basket and stowed it safely in my satchel, which I was hoping to refill with the various medicines and healing paraphernalia I had collected over the years. I was in desperate need of cream for the cracking skin on my hands.

I left the mountain through the main entry. The guard at the gate questioned where I was going but let me continue when I told him I was leaving to visit my family and would be back before nightfall. I stepped out in to the light for the first time in weeks, I closed my eyes and inhaled a deep breath of fresh air. My eyes were going to take a while to get used to the sunlight, so I walked slowly and cautiously onwards. My mother and father had found a small house to the West of the Mountain, several miles away from the foot of it and a reasonable distance from any other dwellings. My family liked to keep ourselves to ourselves, but this distance meant that my father had to ride a pony to the nearest village market, and didn’t like to do so too often as it left my mother alone at home for too long.

I was wishing I had a pony to ride before too long. The Mountain and the Running River to my back, I trudged along the stony road for as far as I could, leaving it eventually to start walking through small areas of woodland, interspersed with fields of livestock or crops. In the distance, ahead of me I could see the unwelcoming boarder of Mirkwood; dark and ominous. There was something wrong with it, I had heard; an unnatural disease was sickening the air. I had hoped that my parents would find a home nearer to the Mountain and further away from such an unsettling place, but I had no control over their final decision.

As the last vestiges of civilisation receded I became conscious that I didn’t recognise where I was and had to recognise that I ha d taken a wrong turn. I was in a large spinney, the earth around me was undulating; large banks rose steadily from the unofficial path I was following.  I could hear water, but I couldn’t see the source of the noise, I assumed there was a stream behind one of the banks. I sat down on a fallen branch and rummaged in my satchel for an apple; considering whether it would be worth finding the stream to see if the water was drinkable, when a prickle at the base of my neck let me know that there was someone or something behind me.

Mindful of how far away from help I was and how remiss I had been to not pack a single weapon with me. I braced myself to turn and face my attacker, noting a sturdy looking stick just within my reach. I twig snapped underfoot and I took that as my queue to spring into action. I jumped up, lunging forwards grasp the stick; holding it up threateningly and spinning round to finally confront what was behind me.

In the short time I had been aware of a presence behind me, I had outlined what I thought was every possible scenario in my head. I was not, however, prepared for what I saw.

‘My Lord?’ I said, dropping my stick at the sight of Prince Thorin, now standing still, looking extremely amused.

‘Just a thought, if you want to defend yourself, don’t drop your weapon upon first sighting the enemy. You can’t hit me with it when it’s on the floor.’ He said, the mocking note in his voice evident.

‘I wasn’t going to hit you!’ I exclaimed.

‘What were you going to do with such a big stick then?’ He said.

‘You know full well I meant I wasn’t going to hit you because, well, you’re you. If you were a real danger to me I wouldn’t have dropped my stick.’ I scowled.

‘You think I’m not dangerous?’ he said, raising his eyebrows and stepping towards me.

‘I’m sure you can be as dangerous as you choose to be when you need to, but no, I don’t consider you a threat to my life.’ I replied, my heartbeat finally getting back to its normal pace.

 I turned away from him and back to the bag I had left on the log.

‘I hope you consider me enough of a safeguard for you to not refuse an offer of protection?’ he said gruffly.

‘Protection? Why would I need that?’ I asked. I may be defenceless, but I didn’t need him following me to where my parents were living.

He didn’t answer my question and if I had been looking at him I would have seen his eyebrows fall into a frown. I shouldered my bag and looked up at him.

‘What are you doing out here?’ He asked finally.

‘What am I doing out here? What are you doing out here?’ I demanded. The frown faded and a bemused smirk replaced it.

‘You do realise I’m a Prince of this Kingdom, don’t you?’ he said instead of replying.

I suddenly realised how unacceptably I had spoken to him. He was my Lord, my employer. He had untold power over my life, if he hadn’t been finding my artlessness so entertaining I would have thought myself in a lot of trouble.

‘Oh…Yes, I suppose you have every right to be where you want. I’m going to visit my parents.’ I replied meekly.

‘They live out here?’

‘Somewhere out here. I confess, I took a wrong turn at some point. I’m not sure where I’m going.’ I said, gesturing at the surroundings hopelessly.

‘You are taking the fastest path to Mirkwood.’ He said. My stomach sank, perhaps I was in more danger than I had realised.

‘How fast?’ I asked.

‘You would not have reached it today, and I hope you would have had the sense to have turned back when you realised your mistake.’

‘I hope I would have too.’ I paused, noticing for the first time that he was wearing a light hauberk under his tunic, leather vambraces on his forearms and armed with not only an axe but a short sword as well. ‘Is there something wrong?’

‘There have been orcs sighted on the edge of Mirkwood and our patrols have noticed increased activity south of Ered Mithrin. We are expecting a significant attack in the near future and raids are imminent. I’m glad I found you; with only a stick for protection you are at risk.’

‘If I’d have known I would have brought a suitable weapon.’ I said thoughtfully, unsure of where I would have been able to find something to protect myself with.

‘If you had known, you would have stayed inside.’ He said sternly.

‘No, I wouldn’t, not without knowing my family was safe. I have not heard that they’ve come closer to Erebor, and you didn’t know they were out here at all.’ I refuted

‘If your parents live out here they need to be moved, they are too vulnerable this far from the Mountain.’

‘I know that now, I need to find them.’

‘Where do they live? I’ll escort you.’

‘That’s unnecessary, My Lord. If you could just point me in the right direction…’

‘Hlita, your eagerness to disobey my orders is getting tiring.’ He said, irritated.

‘And you have better things to do than act as my minder.’ I retorted.

‘I’ll be the judge of…’ He trailed off, listening.

There was crashing in the undergrowth, getting louder with every passing moment. It sounded like there were many feet running as quickly as they could in our direction.

‘Were you with anyone else?’ I whispered, stepping closer to the Prince, my palms itching to grasp a weapon.

‘A small company. But this isn’t them.’ He murmured back, loosening his sword in its sheath.

‘Give me your axe.’ I hissed, as the source of the noise appeared on the scene.

Orcs, not many, but more than us, came into view. The vicious barbs on their dark, black blood stained armour as threatening as the scimitars they carried. I had been in situations like this before, but never unarmed.

‘What?’ He said, drawing his sword.

‘Your axe, let me have your axe!’ I shouted, picking up my stick instead; a last resort as he didn’t seem to have registered what I had said.

He glanced at me and, thankfully, decided I was better use as an ally than as something he needed to protect. He thrust the axe into my grasp as the first orc came into striking range. It lifted its curved scimitar high and Thorin thrust his heavy sword into its unprotected gut. It screeched in agony and died on the floor, under the feet of the orc that followed it.

Holding the axe tightly in both hands, I stepped up onto a fallen log and used my new height to slice straight through the neck of an oncoming orc with one swift blow. The axe was sharp and light, its efficiency a tribute to the craftsman who had made it. I felt more powerful with each foul beast that I felled, fighting alongside the Prince like I was born for it, all the while wishing that my life was one of a soldier and not a serving girl. My body felt charged, my mind in total harmony with it; for the first time in weeks I felt like something was right.

As the Prince’s sword hacked the arm from the last orcs body, I cleaved its head from its shoulders, the dismembered corpse falling to the ground with a sickening thud. My shoulders sagged with relief, we were both alive and unharmed. I swung the axe back and forth, looking for a clean orc to wipe the blood from the blade on.

Panting, sweating, the Prince leant back against a tree.

‘If you were a male I would offer you a post in my guard. You fight well.’ He said as I was bending down to clean the axe blade.

‘For a female?’ I said cynically, looking up to make eye contact with him.

‘No, you fight better than a lot of males.’ He said as he wiped his sword blade clean on his already orc-blood stained leg and sheathing it.

‘Then why not employ me as I am?’ I asked hopefully. He shook his head.

‘Dwarf women are precious. You are too few and we need you.’ He said, pushing away from the tree to walk towards me. I stiffened, registering for the first time that I was very alone with a powerful male.

‘You mean to need us to have your children?’ I said, knowing full well that the statement was true and finding it not entirely unappealing when staring back at this handsome man.

‘I know you’re not stupid, so I have to wonder why you must look for an argument whenever we meet.’ He said, stopping a foot away from me. I could reach out to him if I wanted to. I did want to. Sweating and covered in dirt, with windswept hair and a small cut on his face, I found him even more alluring than when he was dressed in his finery.

‘I don’t know what you mean by that.’ I said stubbornly, folding my arms while still carefully holding his axe in one hand.

‘No? You are aware all dwarf women are taught to fight, we do not think you are incapable, even though we don’t choose to put you on the front line.’ He said reasonably, echoing my stance and folding his arms.

‘That should be our choice.’ I contended.

‘And if you all chose to become soldiers and dwarf women slowly died out? What of our race? Dwarf men already outnumber women ten-to-one, how would we continue our already dwindling population?’ He asked, starting to sound impatient now.

  He closed the remainder of the gap between us, startling me so that I unfolded my arms and let go of his axe, which fell safely to the floor beside us.

‘It’s highly unlikely that all dwarf women would choose to be soldiers.’ I rationalised, amazed at myself at still being able to think with him as close as he was.

 I could feel the heat from his body, count the links in his mail. I tilted my head upwards. We were not touching, the only thing holding me there was my mind; conflicted still, but the side that was drawn to him was currently winning out.

‘But you would, and I cannot even consider having your death on my conscience.’ He said softly, his head lowering.

 I couldn’t move, I couldn’t tell right from wrong, my ears were ringing. He was going to kiss me and I wanted it so much that the side of me that would have told me it was a bad idea couldn’t be heard.

‘Thorin, praise be…we thought you’d be dead.’ A voice called, breaking whatever the enchantment had been between us.

The Prince straightened. I recollected my surroundings with a jolt and took a step back from him to see the dwarf who had spoken striding towards us, several armed soldiers at his back. The Prince looked from his friend to me, to the ground, leaned towards me

‘You’ve dropped your axe’ said softly, his lips quirking before turning around to meet the rest of his company ‘you think so little of me, Dwalin?’

‘I didn’t think I’d ever be accused of underestimating you, but you were a lot of them, by the look of it, and with a woman to protect. I’m impressed.’ Dwalin replied as I stealthily picked up the axe, hoping it would go unnoticed.

I had a vague recollection of sighting this dwarf around the mountain; his hair, shaved on both sides of his head and standing up wildly upon the top, was not ordinary. I hadn’t known he was on such good terms with the Prince, however.

‘She can defend herself as well as I ever could.’ The Prince said, nodding towards me. I stared at him, not expecting such praise from him. ‘You were attacked too?’

‘They’re getting bolder. We need to be prepared for war.’ Dwalin nodded gravely.

I started when he said war. The state of affairs here was worse than I had thought. Stepping towards the two men I coughed and both looked round, Dwalin looking more surprised than the Prince.

‘My Lord, I’m sorry to interrupt, but if there’s danger out here…my family…’ I said haltingly.

‘Your family is here? Where?’ Dwalin asked, startled.

‘The South Heath Farm.’ I replied, feeling more and more anxious by the second. If nobody knew they were there my family could have been attacked days ago.

‘I didn’t think anyone lived there.’ Dwalin continued, adding to my feeling of helplessness.

‘They haven’t been there long, if you know where it is can you point me in the right direction?’ I said, knowing I had to leave at that moment.

‘You’re not going on your own.’ The Prince said, and when I opened my mouth to dispute the point he said in an undertone ‘don’t argue with me Hlita, please. I feel guilty for your treatment here as it is, if I sent you into jeopardy, I would not forgive myself.’

‘Pretty words, My Lord.’ I paused to look up into his eyes. ‘I will do as you say, but only if we can leave now.’

At my words, he leapt into action. I stood in awe as his formidable figure took command, dominating the space, and every bearded head took notice.

‘Dwalin, gather the troops. Spread out and head towards South Heath Farm. Be vigilant. I will take Hlita ahead and meet you there.’ He said.

Dwalin shouted his orders and the assemblage set about their tasks. I waited, shifting my weight from one foot to another nervously, watching everyone go. Dwalin approached the Prince and said in a low voice

‘I hope you know what you’re doing, lad.’

The Prince gave him a meaningful look, and they both turned away from another.

‘Follow me.’ The Prince said, making eye contact with me and jerking his head in the direction he was walking in.

I jogged after him. His pace was fast even though he didn’t break out of a walk and he pushed through any undergrowth with much more ease than I did. My feet were hurting and the tiredness that had left me for the excitement of battle had returned.

‘Keep up Hlita.’ He barked.

‘I’m trying.’ I replied breathlessly.

He stopped and faced me. His expression changed from determined to one of concern and he walked back to give me his arm.

‘Lean on me, I’ll help you.’ He said, and I gratefully allowed him to take some of my weight as we walked onwards. ‘Have you walked this far from the Mountain today?’

‘Yes, I set out early. Have you?’ I replied. He shook his head.

‘No, I’ve been here with the company since the day before yesterday.’ He said.

So that meant he must have left the food basket for me just before he left, and it explained why he didn’t look as tired as I felt.

‘I’m glad we’re so far away from the Mountain. I wouldn’t want anyone to see me hanging onto your arm like this.’ I admitted.

‘You are still being worked hard?’ He asked icily, but before I could answer we crested the top of a hill and I could see the small farmhouse where my parents had been living come into view.

I gasped. Dead orcs were scattered around the front door, which had an almighty split down it. There was no sign of life; no noise, no movement came from the house. Just the whinnies of the ponies in the paddock could be heard. I let go of the Princes arm and broke into run, all sense of tiredness disappearing with the thought of my family being in danger.

‘Pa! Pa!’ I shouted as I ran, hazily registering that the Princes heavy footfalls had caught up with me.

I felt an arm around my waist and I was bodily lifted from the ground and stopped from going any further. I struggled against his grip, dropping the axe I was still holding. He wrapped both of his arms around me and pulled me into him.

‘No, don’t just run in there. You don’t know what you’ll find.’ He said into my hair, his breath warming my neck.

‘I have to go! Let me go!’ I yelled as I thrashed in his arms.

‘I’ll go first, please calm down...’ he said, but trailed off as the broken door was yanked open and my father stepped over the threshold.

‘Pa!’ I cried, relief flooding me.

The Prince let me go and I ran into my father’s open arms. My father was a large dwarf and a force of nature when roused; his arms enfolded me and I hugged him back gratefully.

‘What are you doing here?’ He asked.

‘I came to see you, I didn’t know there was danger.’ I replied.

‘I wrote to you to tell you we were moving because of the risk of orc attack. Did you not receive my letter?’ he asked, putting me away from him and looking me over.

‘No, I didn’t. Ma, is she all right?’ I said, and tried to pass him to enter the house. A thick forearm was thrust into my path and blocked my way.

‘No, Hlita, don’t go in.’ My father said.

‘Is she…’

‘She’s alive but weak. I don’t think seeing you this way will be a good thing for her.’ He said, taking my hands in his.

‘Seeing me this way…’ I said, looking down at my thin, worn out self.

‘What’s been happening Hlita? Have you been ill?’ he asked worriedly. I shook my head.

‘It’s just harder work than I had thought.’ I lied.

There was a cough from behind us. I started, I had forgotten that the Prince was there, it was not only rude, but another example of my insubordination to his rank.

‘My Lord, this is my father, Nofen son of Norbom. Pa, this is Prince Thorin.’ I said by way of introduction.

The two men eyed each other as though they were sizing the other up, but my father remembered his manners and bowed his head in respect.

‘Your servant, My Lord.’ He said.

‘And yours.’ The Prince replied, ‘my men are soon to arrive, we will give you aid in moving closer to the Mountain.’

‘My thanks, My Lord. I accept, but only if you can contrive to have my daughter to leave before us.’ My father said, bowing his head again.

‘No, I should stay and help you!’ I interposed angrily.

‘If you stay your mother will see you. Seeing you safely away from here is the only option I have.’ He said, his voice soft but, in his fatherly way, I knew there would be no arguing today. Crestfallen, I blew out a deep breath and nodded unhappily. ‘Good girl. Don’t think I’m not happy to see you, I am, but at least I know you’ll be out of harm’s way in the Mountain.’

‘I’ll see she gets there personally.’ The Prince said.

My father looked up, his expression suspicious, and a flash of understanding hit me. He had seen the Prince holding me back before he exited the house and was turning protective. I sat down on a shallow wall to rest, feeling as though I might have been better to have stayed in the Mountain for all the use I had been.

‘With respect, My Lord, if you have someone you trust among your men I would be happier if they escorted her.’ My father said, as respectfully as a man who had rarely ever had to show deferential treatment to anyone could.

‘As you wish.’ The Prince said curtly. ‘If you have a pony she can ride back I will see to it that it’s stabled in the garrison until it can be returned. She’s worked hard today, sparing her feet the walk back would be better for her.’

My father looked at me, nodded and sighed.

‘I’ll go and get the ponies.’ He said, and stomped off in the direction of the paddocks.

When we were alone, the Prince took a few cautious steps towards me.

‘When they’re settled I’ll send a healer to your mother.’ He said.

‘Thank you. I didn’t know she was as ill as this.’ I said shakily.

‘Did you get the basket?’ He said unsurely, reminding me that I had brought its contents with me.

‘Yes. Thank you. Again. I’ve a lot to thank you for.’

‘All is clear My Lord.’ Dwalin’s voice shouted, and I looked up to see him and the rest of the Prince’s company approaching the house.

‘None?’ The Prince said, frowning.

‘We saw signs that they were heading back North. We need to get back and prepare for battle.’ Dwalin replied grimly. The Prince nodded.

‘I will stay with the company and make sure the occupants here get to safety. You will take Hlita back to the Mountain and ready the men for action.’ The Prince said.

Dwalin glanced at me under heavily lowered brows before giving the Prince a searching look.

‘I really hope you know what you’re doing.’ Dwalin said in an undertone, but still loud enough for me to hear.

The Prince responded with a tilt of his head and walked off without another word. Left with a sullen Dwalin, I was relieved when I heard the sound of hooves as my father let my saddled pony in our direction.

‘Are you ready?’ My father asked.

I nodded, picked up my bag ready to hand over to him.

‘Take these. For Ma.’ I said, thrusting my bag towards him. He took it and looked inside. ‘Could you find my medicine bag? There are some things I need from it.’ I continued.

‘I’ll get it.’ He replied, and paused ‘you shouldn’t have brought us this, you look like you need it.’

‘Please Pa.’ I whispered.

He went reluctantly, wanting to say more but not knowing how. I went to my pony’s head and stroked his white face, wishing that I knew what I was doing.

‘Here.’ A deep voice murmured behind me. I looked around to find the Prince standing close, the axe I had dropped gripped in his large hands.

‘Excuse me?’

‘The axe. For you.’ He said, pushing the weapon onto me.

‘I can’t.’ I said, trying to shove it back at him and failing.

‘If you need to protect yourself you will need a weapon. I’m not going to leave you with just a stick.’ He said, smirking.

‘It was a big stick.’ I said cheekily, taking the axe, and attaching it to my saddle.

‘Dwalin will keep you safe, but be careful.’ He said, and nodded to my pony. ‘Let me leg you up.’

I stepped forward to grip the saddle and lifted my left leg for him to boost me up, which he did, surprisingly gently. Most men when giving assistance into the saddle would use too much strength and nearly tip me off the other side, but the Prince’s assistance landed me softly in the seat of my saddle. He lay a hand on my knee and squeezed it tenderly.

‘Whatever happens, from tonight, your family will be out of harm’s way.’ He said, his eyes flickering away from me at the sound of approaching feet. ‘When you return to the Mountain, get some rest.’

With that, he left me to me advancing father and went to speak with Dwalin. Medicine bag in hand, my father was looking harassed, was walking purposefully towards me. I turned my pony and walked to meet him.

‘I wish we were still travelling.’ I said as I took the bag from him.

‘So do I, then I could keep an eye on you.’ He replied sombrely.

‘I’m fine, Pa.’ I said, but his expression merely darkened.

‘You eat some more before you come back to us, and work less hard. There’s nothing in that Mountain worth making yourself unwell, no matter how kindly that Prince treats you.’

‘I don’t look this way on his orders, nor do I stay for him.’ I said, offended.

‘Make sure it stays that way. He might be worthy, but I don’t want you to lose your head over him. Take care of yourself. We’ll see you soon.’ He said, and walked away.

I sat on my pony watching him go, confused, hurt, and wishing, once again, that things were different. I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn’t notice Dwalin walk up beside me until he said

‘Are you ready?’

‘Yes, sorry Dwalin, I hope I haven’t kept you waiting.’ I said, turning my pony to walk beside him.

He grunted in response, then didn’t say a word until we were much closer to the Mountain. I was tired even in the saddle and was having to hang on to my pony’s mane to help me stay upright. I felt sad and upset; feeling like I didn’t belong anywhere and not wanting to cry in front of Dwalin. I blamed the emotions I was feeling on how tired I was.

‘Thorin told me letters from your family haven’t been reaching you.’ Dwalin said suddenly, making me sit up with a jerk. ‘He asked that from now on you send your post through me. I know your brother, he can take anything to your family when you can’t get there yourself.’

‘Thank you, it’s kind of you.’

‘I’m following orders.’ He said gruffly, then looked up at me. ‘Listen, I don’t want to know what’s going on between you and the young Prince, but he looks on you as a friend, so if you need someone you can trust, you can come and find me.’

‘I will.’ I said gratefully.

My first friend, one that I could talk to, was a grim, unsympathetic looking soldier. Against all my preconceived thoughts, I was reassured. As we approached the Mountain gates I slowed my pony and asked Dwalin to stop for a moment. I dismounted and unfastened the axe from my saddle.

‘Can you give this back to Prince Thorin please, and take care of my pony. I’ll be fine from here.’ I said handing him the axe and the reigns of my pony.

‘Thorin asked me to see you to the gates’ Dwalin said, taking both things suspiciously ‘and if he gave you the axe you should keep it.’

‘We can see the gates, I won’t be in danger between here and there. I don’t think it’s a good thing to be seen together; I don’t want anyone to get suspicious. The axe…if anyone were to find it they would accuse me of stealing. It’s best it gets back to its owner.’ I explained. Dwalin gave one nod.

‘You need someone, you come to me.’ Dwalin said firmly.

I gave one nod back in reply, stroked my pony on the nose in farewell and set off back the Mountain, feeling both worse and better at the same time.

[imgilmoregirl]

The Bookshop Owner (Chapter 11)

AO3 Link

Walking to the bedroom she had taken as hers, Belle found her purse and picked her phone from there, immediately calling her best friend before a panic attack could reach her. Each ring made her heart beat faster, her eyes blinking repeatedly to fight against the tears, the need to speak to someone who would be able to light her thoughts, almost becoming a painful thing. When the other woman picked up, Belle rushed to the point even before she could end the "hello" she was saying.

"Ruby, I've made a mistake."

"Wait, just a minute." Ruby asked, and there seemed to be voices speaking loudly behind her, what made Belle imagine that, if she wasn't in a pub she should be visiting some of Dorothy's friends. It took her a while to speak again, but when she did, the noise was gone. "Have you already sleep with him? Was it so bad? He didn't last or - "

Rolling her eyes, Belle leaned against the wall behind her, asking herself what was the problem with her friends. Maybe they were just a bunch of glee thirty-somethings that associated other people's happiness with a satisfying relationship. Or a satisfying night. Whatever it was, that didn't apply to Belle.

"Why everybody keeps thinking I am going to sleep with Adam?" She asked with disbelief.

"So, you didn't sleep with him?"

"Obviously not! Dear God, Ruby!"

On the other end of the line, her best friend sighed, exasperated. "Then what happened?"

She was about to sound like a teenager, but she didn't know if she really cared about that, Belle was desperate, because she didn't know what to do anymore or how to deal with her feelings.

"I think I still love him, but he almost kissed me and claimed it to be a mistake."

"Belle, dear beauty, you need to stop." Ruby's soft voice came empathic through the phone. "Don't freak out, ok? Just keep acting normal and looking gorgeous. He will change his mind and then you'll have something really interesting to tell me."

"Not helping."

"You can always come back to Will. I've heard that he is still into you, just afraid of Gideon."

A gasp left her mouth, because she couldn't believe that Ruby was mocking her about Will, the man whose relationship with her had been the most terrible joke the universe could have done. They met at a pub she went to have a glass of wine after a hard day at work about a year and a half ago, he was trying to forget his fiancée, a rich woman called Anastasia, that broke up with him to marry another. Belle liked the fact that he was able to make her laugh and feel light.

But their romance didn't last more than three months. Gideon hated the guy and let it clear from the very start, doing whatever he could to keep Will away. He didn't have to worry for longer, though, as Anastasia came back to Will's life and he just simply stopped seeing Belle, who only realised she wasn't going to see him ever again, when she was already sat alone in another pub. There was no chance he could still be into her and even if he did, Belle was long over him.

"You are not funny."

"Have you ever thought about trying women then?"

Her jaw dropped. Not that there was a reason for that, since Ruby dated women ever since they met and had already suggested that very same thing a billion times, but Belle didn't think that would work for her. What she would like trying right now was wearing a suit, holding a cane and was dangerously older than her.

"Ruby Lucas, you are the worst friend ever."

"That worked for me, I don't see why it wouldn't for you."

Laughing, Belle still felt insecure, but was relaxed and knew that she could just put on a smiley face, go downstairs and pray for the weekend to pass quickly, just like she told her son to do so. "I'll end the call right now."

"Details are important!" Ruby remembered, eager for something to entertain her when Belle came back to London.

Not caring to answer that, she rang out the phone, just as Gideon entered her room.

"Hey mama, who was it?"

"Your aunt Ruby being silly." Belle answered, smiling at him as she slipped the phone inside her bag and grabbed his arm. "Come on, babe, we have a long day ahead."

They went down to meet Neal and Gold and then, they locked the house and went straight to the pier. Earlier during the breakfast, Belle tried to convince Adam to go there with the car, so he wouldn't have to walk too much and cause himself pain, because of the bad knee, but he assured her that he was going to completely fine and a walk wasn't going to take him down. She didn't argue a lot, since she didn't know how things worked with his leg, but after Belle saw the sore on his face when he climbed up the stairs without the cane, she wasn't sure if they still should do this. However, she didn't find courage inside herself to suggest taking the car, so they just walked in silence.

Seeing the sea had always pleased her. It remembered her of good days with her mother in Australia, it made her nostalgic and brought her the wish to see the country she left many years ago to never come back. London, that initially was just supposed to be her stay during college, had become her home very quickly, and even though she would appreciate visiting her childhood country, she couldn’t picture herself leaving England forever anymore.

The day was beautiful, less cloudy than most days around there, the weather starting to get hot as the summer time approached slowly. Belle couldn’t help but want to take off her shoes and ran through the rocky beach until her feet touched the cold water, just like she had done in the past with a really smaller version of Neal by her side, his hand gripping at hers as they laughed and splashed water on each other before taking Adam with them and soaking his whole suit. Good memories were those, belonging to a time where she swore her happiness would last forever. Bad thing she didn’t live in a fairy tale, because in the real world there were no happily ever afters.

"Hot dogs!" Neal exclaimed pointing at snack bar, almost echoing the child she was remembering about just a minute ago. "Do you want one, brother?"

Gideon shrugged as if he wasn’t giving it much attention, but followed Neal as he started to walk to get the food. "Yeah, I'm hungry."

Sighing deeply, Belle leaned against the guard-rail, looking down at the beach, her gaze fixed in the waves. "Alone again," she muttered.

"Aye." Gold agreed, glancing at the snack bar where the boys disappeared to, before taking a step in her direction, his hand resting at the rail near her arm. "Listen, I'm sorry for what I've said earlier. I didn't mean that, I just thought that I shouldn't be messing with your life again."

"Trying to protect me never really worked before." Belle chuckled without any humour.

"I guess you're right." There was bitterness and a little self-loathing that only someone who truly knew him, could recognize in his voice. "If I just gave us more chances, we wouldn't be here today."

"Making the same mistakes we did in this place so long ago it's not what I want, Adam." She answered, finally meeting his brown eyes, the words came harshly, but also, full of pain. "I just wanted you, back then, I wanted to be chosen, I tried to say this a lot of times but you never listened. You just went away."

His fingers made their way to her arm, closing around her wrist as his thumb rubbed circles in her skin, the tender touch almost breaking her heart in tiny pieces. She wanted to throw her arms around his neck so badly, that she had to convince herself to stay still.

"I was afraid, Belle. What Milah did, broke me, mostly because she didn't care a bit for Neal. I wasn't sure if I should start it all again so soon, even though I loved you and knew that you were nothing like her, I still had this urge to back away. I told myself that you were young and you would find someone better, with less problems and closer to your age."

"Never happened." Belle replied, shaking her head. "The guys I knew after you, were all a bunch of selfish idiots. None of them acted like men, just grownup schoolboys."

Truth be told, all her relationships sucked, Will was just the last one to her list of failures. Belle didn’t date a lot, because she didn’t have time or disposition for it, and the times she did just made her understand how precious it could be to stay single. There was this french guy, Gaston she met when Gideon was three, that just irritated her with the fact that he barely opened a book or two during his whole life. She had no luck in the romantic department.

"What about you?” Belle managed to ask Gold, a little afraid of his answer. “No woman got your heart?"

"My office in Glasgow got my heart, no one else." He said with a half-smile. "I tried a couple of dates, but nothing lasted more than a night."

"Well, I hope you don't have another lost child around there." Belle laughed, but his face went pale at the thought and she freed her wrist from his hand to touch his shoulder with an apologetic smile. "Sorry, bad joke."

"I don't usually take the risk of impregnating anyone, dearie." Adam said with confidence.

Nodding, Belle muttered under her breath: "But you took with me."

"Yeah, I did."

Naïve she was in the past, stupid to believe in unsafe methods, insisting to feel him completely on her very first time with no barrier between them, so it would be more special and what she got was a baby, nine months later. Belle sighed looking around the pier to avoid Gold’s eyes, knowing that she couldn’t face him with the remembrance of their first lovemaking passing through her mind, when she got caught with a sight of something very interesting and tapped at his arm softly, pointing at a little shop with a wave of her head.

"Oh, dear Lord, look at that!"

"What?" Adam asked, trying to find what she was pointing at as Belle started to walk and drag him with her to a hanger full of beachy clothes.

"Black Hawaiian shirts!" She said in tone of wonder, taking one of them from the hanger to show him. “I need to get this."

The shirt was a black in lighter black piece with those horrible prints that were Adam Gold’s worse nightmare, a grimace immediately filled his face.

"Belle - "

"Imagine Gideon with one of those!" Belle said, cheerfully picking another shirt from the hanger, but this time one that had golden prints on the black fabric. "And you of course, with this one here. We just need to find the right ones for Neal and I now."

"I'm not going to wear this!" Adam said with wide eyes.

"Oh, you are, and I'm buying you a pair of jeans."

"No way."

Belle went inside the shop, completely happy with her new discover and started to look into a pile of dark jeans, but she apparently didn’t find what she wanted, because she went to another that had pieces made of a light-blue fabric. Adam just looked horrified at everything, loving his suits even more at the sight of every knew clothes he laid his eyes on.

"It's for sale. I don't think my day can get better than that." Belle said, picking a pair of jeans that had a red tag and pushing to him alongside with the black and gold shirt. "Try these."

"No."

"Yes.” She insisted. “Go on."

She narrowed her eyes, giving him her most dangerous glance, that let it very clear that it was a command that he should obey, so Adam snorted and grabbed the clothes from her, going to the dresser as she laughed to herself and picked another black Hawaiian shirt, one with dark-blue stamps, before she found one for herself that had the same golden print that Adam's. Maybe he was right, she thought, and they were ridiculous, but no one was stopping her to take a picture with all of them being ridiculous with her.

"I'm feeling weird." Gold said, opening the door of the dresser to let her see him wearing anything other than his suits for the first time in her life.

Belle felt breathless. He looked so handsome that she had no words to say how much it affected her, the jeans fitted perfectly, the shirt was unbuttoned on the highest part, showing his smooth chest and making her want to ran her hands thought the triangle of skin, kissing his neck and sinking her fingers on the long stripes of his greyer hair. Damn Jefferson, he knew it all the time, she was going to fall on Gold's arms sooner or later and now she was completely sure of it.

"You look great." Belle swallowed.

"I'm putting on my suit again."

"Adam!" She protested as he closed the door, ending her moment of contemplation.

"You are not winning this, sweetheart."

"I'm buying those clothes, whether you like it or not!" She warned him, trying to think about another way to make him put on those clothes again, Belle placed the clothes on the counter, smiling at the seller when her phone started to ring loudly and she looked inside her purse for a few instants before reaching it, Gideon's number glowing on the screen. "Hey, sweetie."

"Mama, where are you, Neal and I are looking for you and Gold."

"We are inside a shop." She informed. "Wait for me where we were before."

"Right, be quick." Gideon asked before ending the call.

It took another long moment, but Gold finally opened the door, leaving the dresser on his suit once more. Belle picked the clothes from him, putting them on the pile that the seller was already packing.

"Can you wear at least the shirt later?" She asked, blinking her eyes sweetly.

Gold narrowed his eyes. "What do I win with that?"

"You'll never know if you don't try."

[cake-faceshawty]

If you remember my first travel post (Bienvenido a Cuba!), I shared my promise to myself to visit at least one new country each year. And being the birthday diva I am, what better way to kick off twenty-nine twenty-fine than with a girls trip to somewhere new. And thus,

#DESTINATIONTWENTYFINE

was born.

Upon my return from Havana last July, I instinctively started searching for my next vacation spot, and was drawn to the beautiful beaches, exciting adventures and delicious food DR had to offer. I therefore had no doubt that #DESTINATIONTWENTYFINE would be in Punta Cana, Dominican Republic.

I know what you’re thinking – what is this chick’s obsession with Spanish-speaking countries? Honestly, I’m not sure either 😂 (aside from my love of Hispanic food), but keep in mind that my birthday is in the dead of winter, so travel options are limited due to the weather.

Being the lunatic that I am, by the end of July I had presented my closest girlfriends with a full on PDF document that had everythangggggg (I do my homework, okay!). I had decided on travel dates, given airline options from each person’s point of origin, accommodation options, a full on itinerary and a budget for the entire trip.

However, similar to my Cuba planning, I found limited information online. Even harder, was finding out anything beyond the confinements of all-inclusive resorts. Perhaps it’s because I’m from a popular tourist destination (so I know how it goes), but the thought of staying in a hotel and ONLY experiencing what they present to you at the resort does not excite me. I want to explore the cuisine that hasn’t been watered down to satisfy the palates of tourists; I want to interact with locals and explore beyond the resort walls. And while Punta Cana is known for being a resort town, I knew there was more to be seen than the hotel disco and food buffet.

Within three months, three girlfriends and I had booked flights (catch flights, not feelings okurrrrr), secured a beautiful bungalow via Airbnb and committed to a fully packed birthday getaway to D.R.!

We spent 6 days exploring Punta Cana, eating way too much rice, consuming wayyy too much alcohol and collecting memories to last a lifetime.

Of course I couldn’t limit you guys to just glam shots on Instagram! So, here are all my tips for planning a vacation to Punta Cana.

My follow-up post will have more on where to go, what to eat, what I wore (you know I love a slaycation) and things to do. I hope these posts will answer all your questions!

About Dominican Republic

The Dominican Republic is a part of the second biggest Caribbean island, Hispaniola, which it shares with Haiti. From a tourist’s perspective, the island would seem to be simply beaches and palm trees; however, they also have mountains, deserts and a rich history.

The official language of DR is Spanish, and while some might assume based on the popularity that Punta Cana is the capital of DR, it is actually Santo Domingo.

Their currency is the Dominican Peso, however, USD, CAD, Euros and GBP are accepted in most places in Punta Cana.

Punta Cana

Punta Cana is one of the most popular destinations in the Caribbean and therefore has tons of resorts and villa options. It encompasses Cap Cana, Macao, Bavaro, El Cortecito, Cabeza de Toro, Uvero Alto and Arena Gorda. From the picturesque beaches to the epic nightlife, Punta Cana has become a prime vacation spot if you’re looking for a luxury vacation, some kind of turn up or just want to slay relax on the beach all day – and of course learn a little about the country’s culture!

The beaches and surrounding area reminded me of Jamaica’s north coast – beautiful white sand, lush grass, palm and coconut trees, and warm locals willing to accommodate you despite the language barrier.

What you should know before traveling to Punta Cana

While US passport holders do not need a visa to enter DR, there are visa restrictions for some countries. Jamaicans can enter DR without any visa requirements, however, if you are travelling through the US, you will of course need a US visa. Multiple blog posts had warned of a $10 visitor fee that must be paid before going through immigration, however, we were not required to pay any additional fees. Perhaps that fee is now outdated or included in the ticket fee, but no cash payment was required at the airport from any of us – and we traveled from different locations on different airlines.

Arrange your transportation beforehand: whether you plan to rent a car or need a driver to take you to your accommodation, make these plans before you travel to avoid unnecessary airport stress and get the best prices possible.

About 90% of the resorts are all-inclusive: if you want that resort life and prefer to pre-pay for accommodation, food, alcohol and entertainment, one of these resorts may be your best bet.

Most places in Punta Cana accept USD, Euros, GBP and CAD, so there’s no reason to change your money to pesos. Major credit cards were accepted most places, however, I recommend you bring cash (mostly small bills) for some excursions, tips, and other small purchases.

You can book a lot your excursions in advance online, so you don’t have to worry about them getting sold out. We tried to book as much as we could beforehand in order to efficiently plan our itinerary.

The weather app isn’t always right. The day before we traveled, I was getting a bit nervous because all I saw were rain clouds and possible thunder storms on the Weather App. However, since this is a tropical place, occasional rain clouds appear for short periods. It drizzled maybe twice during our stay and none of our plans were affected by these rain drops.

As a mostly Catholic country, nudity is illegal! So save your topless tanning for elsewhere. If you really want to avoid tan lines, spend some extra dinero on a room with a private pool.

SIM cards with unlimited data for a week are available for $10 USD through Claro, so save on roaming charges and just purchase one at BlueMall (literally less than 10 minutes from the airport) to stay in the loop. Most public places also have Wi-Fi, so you’ll be able to instagram all your amazing pictures in real-time.

What to pack…

As previously stated in my Cuba post, I am not a light packer – I embrace the slaycation lifestyle completely and commit to the slayage – which you cannot do from simply a carry-on. I simply must check a bag when I travel! I’ll try to stick to the basics because  I will have a follow-up post on how to pack for a slaycation, so stay tuned!

Passport. Duh, for any international flight this is necessary – but it always has to top the packing list. I can’t imagine driving all the way to the airport only to realise I left my passport on the bed.

Money. Get your coins ready – and whatever cards you’ll be carrying.

Bags. 1 carry-on, 1 checked bag, a backpack/tote, appropriate bags for outfits.

Toiletries. I’m a naturalista, so of course I have to pack shampoo, conditioner, styling products and a spray bottle. But, you’ll also need toothbrush, toothpaste, mouth wash, first aid kit, any necessary medication, deodorant, sunblock, tanning oil, lotion, tampons/pads, makeup, razor, bug spray and makeup. The good thing about this destination is that Supermercado Nacional in Punta Cana has most things you could possibly want: from Advil to Andrews to Herbal Essences. So if you forget any toiletries there’s no need to fret – you can get most of your necessities at the supermarket.

Electronics. Cell phone, iPad/tablet, camera, portable charger, charger cables for all devices, earphones, blue tooth speaker. I opted to leave my laptop at home to resist any temptation to work while on vacation.

Clothing. Underwear (my standard is 2/day plus extras), shorts, cool clothing (it is a tropical destination), swimsuits, a sweater/jacket, sneakers, sandals, flip-flops, heels/dress shoes, “fancy” clothes, sleep clothes and a hat. Once again, Punta Cana is a modernized island so if you need anything, you can probably pick it up at a mall. BlueMall has a huge Zara, Nike, Aldo, Levi’s, Under Armour, just to name a few. So if you forget anything or want to change an outfit, you can always go shopping 💁🏾.

Travel

We booked our tickets online through our preferred airlines. I use an app called Hopper where you can put in your destination and dates to see flight price predictions on various airlines. You can also watch the flight to know when the right time to book is in order to get the most affordable ticket. If you prefer to stay at an all-inclusive resort, you can find flight + hotel options on aa.com, Expedia, Travelocity, etc.

Traveling from Kingston, Jamaica, Justine-Renee and I booked on American Airlines (my preferred airline). The flight was from KIN (Norman Manley International Airport) to MIA (Miami International Airport), then to PUJ (Punta Cana International Airport). The flight from MIA to PUJ was about 2 hours and the entire travel time was about 7 hours. We left Kingston at 7:49 AM and landed in Punta Cana at 3:15 (DR is 1 hour ahead). The cost for my ticket was $715 USD, which is kinda pricey considering I booked it from October, but I digress…

Please note that the flight prices were probably higher than usual since it is a tropical destination and February is right in the middle of peak season.

My friend Tamara traveled on Jet Blue for less, but her travel time was longer as it went from KIN to FLL to SJU (Puerto Rico) to PUJ. Her return flight, however, only had a layover in FLL.

Christine traveled from North Carolina on Southwest Airlines; her travel time was a bit longer than ours and went from RDU to ATL to PUJ. Her return flight stopped at FLL instead of ATL.

Estimate the ticket price to be anywhere between $500 to $800 depending on your city of origin and when you book the ticket.

Accommodation

As previously stated, I wasn’t too keen on the idea of staying at an all-inclusive resort, plus based on the size of my group, it was more economical to stay at a villa/bungalow. However, there are a wide range of resorts to choose from, especially in Bávaro.

Cap Cana, which is less than 20 minutes from the airport, is a gated resort area containing luxury condos, resorts, beaches and entertainment options.

We rented a villa that was absolutely amazing! It was safe (you need a pass to get through the Cap Cana entrance and to enter Green Village where we stayed), spacious, beautifully decorated, and just perfect for our girls’ trip. It had an outdoor shower and bath tub, and our own private pool and barbecue patio with an expansive backyard (not to mention a beautiful view!). We were also close to the shopping mall, supermarket, restaurants and Scape Park so the location was perfect. Our host, Carlos, was very welcoming and checked on us often; he gave us wonderful recommendations for activities, beaches and restaurants, and replied quickly if we had any questions.

For 5 nights, our villa was about $1400 USD total, which wasn’t too bad when split 4 ways.

Check out our home in paradise (thank you Carlos) here:

https://www.airbnb.com/rooms/plus/23742780?guests=1&adults=1

How to get around

One thing that had us anxious when planning this vacation was transportation. While Punta Cana does have public transportation (taxis) and tour buses, we felt it would be easier on our schedule (and pockets) to rent a car. I can honestly say we found the least helpful information as it related to car rental.

First of all, you must know this: the people of Punta Cana drive like taxi men in Montego Bay, so if you can handle that, you can handle Punta Cana. As for people used to “safer” driving conditions, I can understand your reservation – you may want to stick to taxis or private tour operators. I’m pretty sure we only passed two stoplights around downtown Punta Cana; otherwise, it was just a bunch of roundabouts (they really love roundabouts) and wildness a bit of a free-for-all.

I highly recommend you reserve your car prior to your arrival. We reserved our Alamo rental a week before (no deposit required) through Expedia. While I did pay for the collision insurance through Expedia ($11/day that you pay upfront), I think you can pass on that. The insurance company offers a good insurance package and we opted to get all the recommended insurance since we were driving in unfamiliar territory.

Originally, in trying to keep within the budget, I had reserved a midsize sedan. However, we reached an agreement that the four of us AND our luggage would not be comfortable in a Tiida (A TIIDAAAA!?!) so we decided to upgrade to an SUV upon arrival. Fortunately, they were out of the immediate upgrade option, and for the same price as a Suzuki Vitara, we were able to rent a full-size SUV. For 6 days and the full insurance package, we paid $418 with no hidden fees or surprises. The only request was that we  bring the car back with a full tank of gas.

The full tank the car came with was sufficient for 6 days of driving all over the place! We didn’t have to get gas until we filled it right before the return time. The cost to fill the tank was about $75USD.

One thing to note is that in order to rent a car, the person renting must have a valid driver’s license and credit card with the same name. You don’t pay for the car when you first rent it: instead, the company will put a hold on the credit card for $500USD and upon return of the car (provided no damages or accidents), they will subtract the cost of the rental from the $500 hold and return the balance to your credit card. This was a relief for us as we were under the impression that they would be charging the rental fee AND putting the hold for $500 all at once.

Overall the rental experience was hassle-free with no hidden charges, and driving in Punta Cana wasn’t a bad experience. Plus, whether you are roaming or purchase a SIM card, you can use WAZE or Google Maps to get around easily.

  The cost

It’s safe to say that Punta Cana is a pricey vacation spot. I mean let’s face it: it is an area developed for tourism. However, plane ticket and accommodation aside, it wasn’t too bad on the pocket. Grocery shopping is so affordable, we were actually in shock! During our first supermarket run, we bought food items, more alcohol, toiletries, and just so much stuff for the four of us, and somehow the bill was only $120!!! If you live in Jamaica, you can understand how cheap that is for a full cart of things for four people.

There are many affordable options for dining out. Depending on your budget, you can spend anywhere between $10-60 on a meal (sometimes including cocktails). Just do your research beforehand and explore your dining options. We were also happy to have a place to cook in so we could budget our meals efficiently.

I had initially placed our total budget (airfare, accommodation, car rental, food, excursions, “braffing”) at $1700-$2000 USD per person. And while we did upgrade the car rental, we stayed within that budget range.

  My tips + thoughts

Get a Spanish dictionary app. Know the basics! I’m not going to lie, I felt like I experienced more of a language barrier in DR than I did in Cuba. Some do know English, but we did experience several service persons who did not speak a lick of English. Just because it’s a tourist destination, do not expect everyone to know Enlglish!!! You are in a Spanish-speaking country!!!!

Purchase the SIM card. I don’t care how much of a shella you are, once your phone is unlocked, purchase the $10 SIM card from Claro. $10 is so affordable and it’s unlimited data for a week. Like… where [else] dey do dat at????

Buy your alcohol in Duty Free when you land. If you plan on getting lit like we did, get your alcohol (especially champagne, Hennessy, tequila) in the duty-free store because it’s so much cheaper! They had some great deals (like 2 bottles of Moet for $120USD) and they had these delicious fruit-infused spirits. You can sample them literally as you step out of immigration. We bought the Papaya-infused Tequila and the Mango-infused Rum. The only downside is we did have to mix some Appleton in the cocktails because those spirits are only 20% alcohol and in Jamaica we’re used to 40% Appleton and 63% White Rum so you know how that goes…. 😁.

Drink bottled water. While the water is relatively clean, depending on where you’re from, you can still get traveler’s diarrhoea or some kind of stomach reaction. I prefer to keep it safe – especially after getting sick in Cuba 🤦🏾‍♀️.

Do not wait until the last-minute to buy souvenirs! We waited until the morning we were leaving and headed to Bavaro to find some souvenir shops. A lot of those places don’t open until midday, so we couldn’t wait and ended up with the limited (and overpriced – $9 for a shot glass 😒) airport finds. Try to actually visit some local stores outside of the airport.

Be open to new experiences – especially food! While you will find American chains such as Wendy’s and Pizza Hut, do not travel to a new country to only eat French fries and pizza! Try some local cuisine – explore the food options!

While it is disappointing, there is a chance you could experience some racism or prejudice while in DR. I don’t want to bash the entire island for 2 instances we experienced, but I do think it is 2 too many. However, if you’re familiar with how some Dominicans think about black people and people of Hispanic descent who don’t speak Spanish, you’ll understand why we weren’t exactly surprised; we were more taken aback that this could happen in a tourist area like Punta Cana, when so many tourists from all over the world come to visit year-round. Anyway, please don’t let those two incidents discourage from seeing all that Punta Cana has to offer. We had a wonderful time otherwise and were met with warmth and hospitality from the other locals.

  Tips for planning a group trip

Plan your trip at least six months in advance. This gives people enough time to bail on plans to commit to everything.

Be cautious of who you invite on a group trip: personalities clash and nothing is worse than spending a ton of money to go see a new country only for a spoil-sport to rain on everyone’s parade. Take into consideration personality traits and rooming arrangements (don’t invite a neat freak and a messy Betty and have them room together – that’s an argument waiting to happen).

Plan your budget from the jump and set a reasonable timeline for that budget. A good thing to do is to mark up all costs, so there’s some wiggle room in case things come up or prices go up (or if you live in Jamaica, you can work with the fluctuation of the dollar). It’s better to come back with some extra funds than to have an insufficient amount while overseas.

Pay for things as you go along to avoid having to fork out a lump sum. Since the budget for this trip was kinda steep, I made sure we paid for things over the six month period, so that by the time the trip came around, any money spent would be on going out and other trip expenses. We started by paying for the Airbnb from September (you can pay 50% upfront and the balance 2 weeks before your trip), booked the flights in October, shopped for outfits between November and December, paid for excursions in January and by the end of January we paid the balance on the villa. By the middle of February our only costs were things paid for in DR. This was so much easier than forking out $2000USD one time! After all, my friends and I don’t have sugar daddies are not big ballers (YET!).

Try to make an itinerary beforehand: this way, you can have an idea of what each day will be like (what will the wake up call be? will the lunch spot be close to the activity we’ll do in the morning?), and you can efficiently plan your outfit options based on what you’ll be doing. I’m a foodie, so I also like to check restaurant reviews and menus before I go so I don’t waste money on bad tasting food. Not to mention, this will help you stay within your budget so you don’t end up going to restaurants with four dollar signs and have no money left in the budget for activities. But keep your options open: certain places may not pan out, so it’s important to have back-ups. I’ll be sharing my psychopathic  PDF with you guys at the end of this post.

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¡DESTINACIÓN PUNTA CANA! If you remember my first travel post (Bienvenido a Cuba!), I shared my promise to myself to visit at least one new country each year. 3,648 more words

[fyeahcaptn]

since reveals are up for the klaroline valentines, i can officially post this everywhere else, so i decided to post it over to tumblr first. i wanted the klaroline bits to be a bit longer, but i was running rapidly out of time, so i may have to write a follow up at some point, since the ending is a bit ehh.

written post graduation, with no baby mess.

ff. ao3.

Caroline's not exactly sure when she decided that she wouldn't be joining Elena for college in Whitmore. Maybe it was after Bonnie went missing. Or maybe it was Elena disappeared into Damon for the entire summer even when she knew how much Caroline was hurting after Tyler had pretty much refused to come back since he was apparently too busy helping out packs around the States.

It had taken her a few missed phone calls on her behalf to realise that he wasn't worth it anymore.

She deserved more. She deserved better.

So, they'd broken up (or rather Caroline had broken up with him) and she took off, with barely a goodbye behind her. If her friends didn't have time for her, then she didn't have time for them either. And honestly, she just wanted to be by herself for a while.

The fact that Stefan was the only one who had checked up on her stung a little, or more than a little, but she tried not to let it bother her too much. She was in London when he had tracked her down, a smile on his face, as he'd escorted her to lunch (and cocktails, of course). He'd left for Mystic Falls the next day, but he'd said that he just wanted to make sure she was okay.

He didn't mention Elena or Tyler or anything about Mystic Falls, and for that she was grateful. He did mention that he was keeping an eye on her mother though (the only person she'd been in contact with) and for that she was happy. At least her mother would be safe, now that the villains were gone from Mystic Falls. For now, anyway, and if you didn't include Damon.

"Don't be a stranger," he murmurs to her, as he hugs her goodbye. "You might be sick of Mystic Falls, and not that anyone blames you, but you can always call. I don't know how I'd go without my sober coach for very long," he grins, and she finds herself grinning back. "Besides, I could always take a break from Mystic Falls now and again."

She laughs.

"Deal."

-

It's the next day, when Bonnie decides to take her turn at a visit, all encouraging smiles and that. Caroline assures her that she's fine, and that the time alone, travelling, has been good for her, even if she misses her mother a lot, but she knows it falls on death ears. It's that exact day that she and Bonnie run into trouble. Trouble by the name of Kol Mikaelson, who was apparently newly resurrected, and in a new body.

It's Bonnie who points him out to her, when they visit a club in London.

Her head twists to the side slightly, as she notices Bonnie's expression when they stop at the bar.

"What?"

Bonnie's eyes aren't focused on her, however, and they are pointed in another direction.

"See that guy over there?"

She does, and Caroline has been aware of his eyes on the two of them since they walked in, though Caroline is more than aware that his eyes are more focused on Bonnie.

"The one that's been staring at you all night, and is currently pretending he isn't?" Caroline asks her friend knowingly, before shaking her head. "I won't mind if you wanna, you know, go over and talk to him, maybe go home with him. I can entertain myself. I have been for a while."

But Bonnie is hesitating, for a reason.

Caroline merely grins and shakes her head.

"I'm going to bar to get a drink," the blonde whispers in her ear. "Come find me if you need me, Bon."

Caroline makes an effort not to listen in, but she does keep her eyes on them, out of the corner.

It's not a few moments later that Bonnie does come to find her, her new friend on her arm. Caroline turns around, at the feel of a finger prodding her in the back, a drink in her hand, and a ready smile on her face. That soon drops at the irritation she finds on Bonnie's, and her forehead crinkles slightly, her head tilting to the side.

"Yes?"

"Caroline," Bonnie gets out between gritted teeth, "You remember Kol."

Honestly, Caroline's had enough drinks in her that she half thinks Bonnie's lost her mind, but there's a smile in her vision, all cheek and playfulness, that she vaguely remembers Kol displaying.

"The blonde vampire my dear brother thought was worth my liver. Tell me, darling, did he ever find out just how worth it you are?"

Yepp.

He was definitely Kol.

"Kol."

She even takes a step back, as her eyes widen slightly.

"How-"

She doesn't finish that thought, her voice cracking slightly, and Kol just smiles as he steps forward.

"Seems we have a few things to discuss," the newly resurrected original muses. "Perhaps over drinks? I know a lovely place not too far from here."

Despite Caroline's better instincts, she finds herself agreeing, and she sees Bonnie doing to the same.

"Where to?" it's Bonnie who asks.

Kol's grins widens, if possible, and he shifts slightly, holding an arm out to each of them.

"Well, then. It looks like I have the pleasure of escorting two lovely ladies out of here. Shall we?"

-

As it turns out, things were going to hell in New Orleans.

Apparently, Esther was back, bringing back Kol with her (who was now on Klaus and Elijah's side and their new found vengeance to take down their mother, once and for all), as well as Finn, who was currently been kidnapped by Klaus himself.

(Caroline forces herself not to react when he mentions Klaus, her lips pressing together, as she avoids his gaze. Not that she had to, his eyes focused on Bonnie.)

"I don't understand," Caroline says slowly, after he's explained the entire situation.

"What's that, darling?"

His head twists in her direction.

"Why are you telling us this? Aren't you afraid we could join your enemies ranks?" Caroline asks, her head tipping to the side.

Kol snorts, which yeah, she expected, because what could she, a newborn vampire (at least in comparison to him), do to harm the originals? But still, it didn't make much sense.

"Nik tells me you're to be trusted these days."

Caroline keeps her face purposefully blank, and then his head twists to the side, "And who better than a Bennett to have on your side?" His head suddenly twists back to hers, "And besides, Nik was the one who told me you were in London. I remembered how chummy you were Bennett's back in Mystic Falls. I just didn't suspect you to arrive with one."

Caroline narrows her eyes, "And tell me exactly why we should help you?"

"You mean you being Nik's girl and wanting to please him isn't enough?" Kol teases, though Caroline merely shoots him an unimpressed look.

"I'm not-"

Kol rolls his eyes, and waves with his hands dramatically, "Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever. Remain in denial all you'd like, darling. Regardless, I'm here. And I'm prepared to offer you both a deal."

Bonnie speaks up first, "And Klaus is what? Sending you to do his dirty work? And how did he know where Caroline was?"

"Hardly," Kol sends her a look describing what he thinks of that statement, "And why don't you ask your friend? Hmm, Caroline?"

Caroline glares.

"How should I know what goes through your brother's head?" Caroline snaps. "His startling lack of boundary issues?

"Like I said, darling, if you'd prefer to live in denial, that's your business."

Caroline humphs and downs her drink in one, as Kol turns to Bonnie.

"So how about it?"

Bonnie's eyes narrow, "And just what are you offering?"

Kol smiles.

"You're young, Bonnie. Very young. Even for a witch. And though your list of complicated spells you've performed is impressive for someone your age, you've barely been practising for a few, short years. I was raised as a witch, and I've known many since then. I'm quite sure I could help in that regard. Especially since you've dipped into dark magic, haven't you?"

Bonnie presses her lips together, her eyes darkening slightly in unanswered anger, but Kol continues, "As you know, my mother was a very powerful witch, with very powerful spells. I'm sure I could teach you a thing or two."

It's laced with innuendo, though Bonnie barely flinches, "And just what do you want me to do?"

Kol grins, "Not now, darling. Why don't you and Caroline," she knows he's emphasising her name unnecessarily, "Enjoy your night tonight, and I'll arrive at Caroline's apartment in the morning to pick you up. It's best if you joined us in New Orleans."

Caroline knows where he's got her address from, and she's not happy about it, and if they were going to New Orleans, she knew exactly who she could scream at.

"Fine."

So, Caroline decided she'd go, if even to protect Bonnie.

At least that's what she tells herself.

The rest of the night goes by in a blur, if she's honest, after Kol leaves, and she drinks more than she should, probably, but Bonnie seems happy, if a little disgruntled, so the two of them let their hair down, when they go back to the club. Caroline tries her best not to think, even if she'll be seeing Klaus soon, and she tries not to dwell on that all too much.

It's when she wakes up, groggy, and the room she's in is very dull and dark, that she realised that letting her guard down last night was a very bad night. If the shackles around her wrists were any indication.

"Crap," she groans, her head banging back against the wall.

The slight irritation she finds herself at being kidnapped, again, because, um, hello, if Kol knew she was kidnapped, that meant that Klaus did, and despite her feelings, she knew that the two of them would find her. Even if only because they wanted Bonnie's help, and she knew her friend would stop at nothing to save her.

It's that thought, what has her eyes widening, her head whipping to the side, only to find Bonnie's form, clearly passed out. She tries to keep her breathing normal, when she can hear Bonnie's strong heartbeat, and a tug on her chains to find out that she wasn't going anywhere anytime soon. Maybe Bonnie's magic could help when she woke up?

She doubted it.

If her kidnappers took her, they probably knew that Bonnie was a witch and managed to bind her powers somehow.

It would be helpful if she knew who had taken them. Maybe, then she'd know who she was up against.

However, the effort she's just put into staying calm is all for nothing, because as she tilts her fuzzy head, shaking it to try to clear it, she sees a very large bite mark on her arm that is slowly getting worse, and from the size of it, it can only mean one thing.

It's a wolf bite.

(Maybe she was hallucinating?)

And she's pretty sure that Kol's passed out somewhere to her right. Not that she knows what the hell he's doing here, because the last she remembers he'd gone off to do what ever, leaving her and Bonnie alone. Whatever else is on her mind is cut short, because Kol suddenly springs up with a loud gasp.

Her head twists sharply to the side to catch him, and he seems to relax ever so slightly, before he groans, "Caroline?"

Caroline's voice is equally croaky when she speaks up, "Yepp."

Things are silent for a moment, before she speaks up again, "Any idea where we are?"

Kol shakes his head definitely, "Can't say I do. Looks like a basement, wherever we are."

Caroline hums her agreement.

"Not to worry, darling," Kol speaks up, "I and Nik were in cahoots every few hours. When I don't answer, he'll know something's up, and I have no doubt he'll come to your rescue. I wouldn't worry your pretty little head."

She ignores the part that Klaus is the one coming to her rescue and not his brother, and Caroline tips her to the side, eyes narrowed, "That's strangely optimistic of you."

Kol snorts, "Yeah, well, since I essentially have the powers of a baby vampire again, honestly, I have no idea how you young ones survive in this world, there's not a hell of a lot I can do about it." He even pulls on the chains to emphasise his point and as with Caroline, they didn't budge. His face soon becomes contemplative, though, eyes narrowing slightly, "In fact, I think they're spelled. Must know what they're doing," he mutters.

"Great," Caroline mutters, though she can't ignore the dread of feeling welling up inside of her.

What if Klaus didn't get here on time? And what if all he thought was that Kol was simply ignoring his calls? Because she honestly wouldn't put it past him.

Caroline opens her mouth once more, though she closes it with an audible snap when she hears footsteps above. Simultaneously, Bonnie seems to wake slowly, her eyelashes fluttering slightly. She sits up quickly, her chains looser than Caroline and Kol's, eyes panicked.

"It's fine," Caroline tells her from gritted teeth. "Just relax, it's gonna be fine." She repeats it over, and she isn't sure who she's trying to reassure.

Bonnie must get the hint, or maybe her hearing is better than Caroline gives her credit for, because she's quiet, her lips pressing together, just as someone comes sauntering into the room, with dramatic flair.

"Ah, yes, I see my prisoners are awake. Wonderful!"

Kol's eyes seem to light up in comprehension, though Caroline wisely stays quiet (she has a healthy sense of self-preservation, thank you very much), before his forehead crinkles slightly, and his eyes narrow.

"Aurora?"

She's a tall brunette, wearing tight fitting jeans, and a rather tight top that shows a hell of a lot of cleavage. And her smile is all evil, there's no other way of describing it. Though, her eyes on Kol, Caroline feels her anger, but she feels it isn't directed towards him, sos he watches curiously.

"Kol," she smiles, a slightly softer thing. "I do apologise for taking you, but it was necessary for the greater good. You understand."

Caroline snorts, and from the way he grits his teeth, Kol does not understand, nor does he want to. That sound causes the brunette to crouch down next to Caroline, and Caroline instinctively scootches back.

"And you," she says, with a false smile, "you're the baby vampire my Niklaus has taking a liking to these days. He can be fickle that one, making all sorts of young girls swoon." A pause, as (Aurora was it?) swipes a hand across her forehead, and the action makes Caroline sweat for some reason that she can't name, before she presses a strand of hair behind her ear. "Regardless, I'll be needing to get rid of you."

Kol gets her attention soon after, "So, that's what this is about? Sweet little Aurora, reaching for my brother once again? When we both know how little interest you hold for him. You almost sound jealous, my dear."

Kol clicks his tongue mockingly.

That strikes a cord with her, and she snaps, her fangs coming out.

"I've loved that man for the better part of his life. For centuries. Of course, I hold his interest, he just has fleeting moments for some pretty little things that are rather breakable."

Caroline's not quite sure how she feels about that. Being held captive because of the interest Klaus had shown her? Just great.

Aurora soon turns her eyes back to Caroline.

"Not that it matters," she smiles, "And I do apologise for taking your witch, Caroline, right?" she hums. "You shall be pleased to know that both will be free to leave."

Caroline's eyebrows raise slightly, her eyes narrowing.

When?

Aurora rises to her full height and saunters to the door in a way that only old vampires can manage. Her fingers curl around the door, a wicked smile on her face.

"Once you're disposed of, of course. Now, tell me, how is that wolf bite feeling around now? They're such fickle monsters, wolves. But you can always get one on your side, with the promise of the original hybrid."

Bonnie's horror-filled face is the last thing she sees before she starts to lose consciousness, her eyes drooping.

-

Somewhere in between, when she feels her heart rate slowing, she swears she hears the sounds of doors being ripped off their hinges. She swears she hears the sound of what must be Aurora's screams, and the sound of flesh being ripped apart. The sound of cuffs being dropped to the floor.

She even thinks she feels Kol near her, his hand on her wrist.

She thinks she hears Bonnie's voice, low and comforting, "Hold on, Caroline. Yeah? Kol says Klaus is on his way. We're meeting him half way, we'll get you some blood, and you're gonna be fine. Okay? Just stay with me, Care."

Bonnie's voice even feels real, it feels demanding and so scared, that she just wants to hug her best friend.

It even feels like Kol picks her up.

Maybe it was better this way, when she couldn't remember much.

But none of it was real. It couldn't be. It was just the hallucinations.

(At least she'd get to see her dad soon, right?)

-

She feels like she's choking is all Caroline knows.

It feels like death and more, and like she cannot wake up. It's like a nightmare that keeps on coming, and it won't stop, but she can smell blood. It's a familiar scent, but it's one that she can't place in her state, and there's flesh between her teeth, fangs even, but she can't will herself to drink. But she wants to, she wants to more than anything.

She needs it.

There's a calm, soothing hand in her hair, and one forcing her mouth open.

There are multiple pairs all surrounding her, but she can't will herself back to reality, as much as she might want to.

There's even a pair of lips pressed to her forehead, and a calm, soothing voice she wants to follow to the ends of the earth.

"Come on, sweetheart, just a little sip. And you can sleep all you want to. I promise."

She vaguely hears Bonnie's commanding voice, but it's not the ones she's interested in.

"Sweetheart, come on. Drink-"

And she does. Though her eyes aren't cooperating, instead they are fluttering uselessly.

"That's it," the voice encourages, "Just like that. You're gonna be just fine."

A few more pulls, and the flesh is pulled away from her, and she whines slightly, much to the man's amusement. It's then that she recognises that voice, that laugh. It's-

"Klaus-"

Her voice is croaky, even to her own ears, and it sounds like she's been sleeping for years.

"Hush now, sweetheart," he says, "Sleep now. We can talk once you're rested."

So, she does.

-

The next time she wakes it's to bright lights shining above her, that makes her think she could have died (died-died this time), but they suddenly flicker off, and she lets out a gasp, sitting up rather abruptly.

And Klaus is in the doorway.

Her face crumples.

"Klaus," she realises.

He smirks.

"Good to see you in the land of the living, love. How's your arm feeling?"

"I-" she falters slightly, her eyes falling down to arm, but it's gone. All perfectly healed, and she looks back up at him again, and she sits up properly, noticing the henley that is most definitely not hers, that she has been dressed in. She ignores that. Mostly, and she twists her head around the room slightly.

"Where am I?"

Klaus laughs again, and he takes another step towards her.

"My room," he tells her, and then, "In New Olreans."

She shoots him a look that he can't read, but he shrugs.

"You were pretty out of it, once I got to you," he tells her. "It took nearly all of us to get you to drink from me. And, after the bloodshed at Aurora's," his lips curl around the name distastefully, "it was discovered that your apartment had been burned to the ground. I suggested we came back to New Orleans, and your witch friend agreed." She doesn't say anything and then, "It's not too far if you'd like to return to Mystic Falls to your friends."

"I think I'll pass," she tells him.

"I wanted to be close by, in case anything..." he trails off, suddenly looking unsure of himself and it's the most uncertain she's seen him. Caroline's also sure it's the most caring she's seen him, and the most worried.

Caroline's eyes are sharp, her head tilted to the side, though her smile is soft.

"Thank you," she tells him, just as soft.

He coughs, takes another step inside the room, followed by another. Until he stands at the edge of the bed (his bed apparently). He still looks unsure, even as he sits at the edge, his leg crossed over his left one, and his eyes focus back on her.

"How are you feeling?"

She's taken back slightly, by the tone in his voice.

"Fine," she says slowly.

"There's some blood on the table for you," he nods to her right, "thought you might be hungry, after all. Kol reminded me that wolf bites can do that to you."

She looks up at him, her head tilted to the side, and he seems to figit slightly, before he leads towards her slightly, "Do you need anything? I can-"

He's actually kind of adorable like this, so unsure, and almost nervous. She fights a smile, and she encloses her fingers around his wrist.

"I'm fine," she repeats, her tone as soft as her eyes. "Thank you, Klaus."

He smiles back, albeit a bit reluctantly.

"It was one of the ghosts from my path that caused you to be taken," he reminds her, as though she could forget Aurora and her creepy smile. "I supposed I owed you a saving."

Her eyes narrow slightly, "And is that why you saved me? Guilt?"

He scoffs, rolling his eyes.

"Hardly." And then, "You know I'd never let anyone harm you, Caroline. Not now. Not ever."

She kind of wants to hug him, so she settles for a smile, a swipe of her thumb along his pulse point.

"Thank you," she tells him again, and this time he tells her it was his pleasure.

"I'd do almost anything to keep you on this Earth," Klaus murmurs.

She hates to break the moment, but she kind of needs to know.

"And Aurora?"

His eyes darken immediately.

"Dealt with," he tells her firmly, lips pressed tightly together.

She wonders if that meant that he killed her. Not that she'd blame him (in fact, she's kind of sure that she wants Aurora dead - she does not appreciate being bitten and kidnapped), but Aurora did mention there was a past there, so it makes her think.

Klaus must sense where she's at because he adds, "Dead."

"Oh."

"I will never tolerate anyone that wants to harm you," he elaborates, and then, "I won't apologise for that."

She smiles, "I don't want you to. I'm not a fan of nearly dying myself."

"I don't want you to die," he tells her, slowly and softly, and it's a simple statement, what makes her heart soar.

She smiles up at him.

"That's good, 'cause I don't wanna die either." A beat and then, "Besides, I haven't taken you up on your offer of showing we around the world yet. Can't die without you having proven your point, can we? Not sure your ego could take it."

His beaming smile is worth it.

"And you never will, if I have anything to do with it, Caroline," he murmurs. "We have an eternity after all."

She let's that be enough. For now.

Because she's not ready for forever. Not yet. And she has a feeling that he knows that. But she can handle this, so she sighs, and edges towards him, cuddles into his form, ignoring his amused smirk. Her hand falls into his, because honestly, she's kind of craving his touch.

"Shut up," she mutters at him.

"I didn't say anything, love," he's still grinning, though.

"Didn't have to, you smug jerk," she mutters again.

"A smug jerk you want to be with," he reminds her.

She grumbles, "I'm not sure. At this point, it could go either way, to be honest. You best be on your best behaviour."

He just smiles, "We could start with New Orleans. If you wanted to stay."

She can't help the way her own lips twist up at that. "I have heard great things about the city," she muses. "Music, art, culture and all that. I suppose it would be a shame not to see what it has to offer.

"I have heard great things about the city," she muses. "Music, art, culture and all that. I suppose it would be a shame not to see what it has to offer. Especially, when I have someone as ancient as you for a tour guide," she teases.

He sighs, long-sufferingly, though she feels the way he presses her closer to him.

"A shame indeed, love."

(So, maybe she had been thinking about him all Summer, when she was in London.)

(Just a little bit.)

She decides to stay, if even for a little while.