#I just have no self control!
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you said you were stuck in a time loop, which was fine. i feel like late-stage capitalism has us all in a time loop, ammiright? you came barging in at 5:33. in the morning. i hadn't even processed the idea of coffee.
but you had this look of utter panic in your eyes. terror like the ocean. you grabbed my cheeks. im in a time loop.
i don't know why in movies the first reaction is to deny it. when someone is panicking like that, it's not appropriate to ask them to calm down. it didn't matter if i believed it, what mattered was that you believed it so much that it was consuming you.
so here we are. i pour you some of the dark roast. "you look like utter and entire hell," i say.
you push your fingers into your eyes. "you always say that."
i try to think of something funny to say that i wouldn't have said on previous time loops, but jokes don't land without the proper timing (lol). "remind me to think -"
"-yeah, of a joke that only works in the future. and before you say anything, i know you're pissed i just stole your punchline." you bolt the coffee, which is wild. it's very hot. you don't seem to notice.
i blow on mine to cool it down. i both am very pissed at you and also i can't see you in this amount of panic without wanting to help. but i'm also not really sure what we are, not since i saw you kiss her like that, no offense. it just was like, kind of rude when you knew i liked you.
and besides. i'm just like, barely a person. i write omegaverse fanfiction. i love the concept of a time loop, but what the fuck am i gonna do? send an alpha in there? i open my mouth.
you point at me. "you're about to ask why me. and then say some disparaging shit about yourself. i'm just a nerd who plays dnd or something. that self-own is slightly different each time." you sigh. "i know you think you can't really help me. i don't know who can help me. i only came to you because you fucking believe me." you check your watch, sigh, and throw your head back. you cover your eyes with one hand. "i've come here on 26 separate revolutions," you say. "you have believed me every time. and yeah, i have no idea how you fit into this but i just -" you sigh again. "i just like fucking talking to someone about it."
"do you need more cof-" i start, but you're already holding the empty cup out. i frown at it. "you're not getting any more until you promise not to bolt this one like an animal."
you laugh a little and sit up, pushing your hair out of your face. "okay, that's new dialogue. but to be fair to you, i'm not usually this rude. i'm still pretty new at all of this." you check your watch again. another sigh. i guess you're cruising for a personal best in the Sigh Olympics.
i almost tell you im not an NPC but i've played enough video games to know i'm very much an NPC. i pour you another cup. "so what happens in the loop?"
"really bad explosion." you mutter into the mug. you put your elbows on the table (rude) and bury your face in your arms like an angsty teenager. one hand floats up while you talk, because evidently you literally can't talk without your hands. "i have to save the day and there's this bomb and i have no bomb training and it keeps moving, you know."
"do i die?"
you peek up from your arms. "yeah. bigtime. you keep trying to run or stay or do anything and you always super die."
"oh."
"to be fair, like, everyone dies in it though.... so you're in good company."
i hate that you make me laugh. i hate that being around you always feels tingly and strange, this electric tension between us. something that is evidently (given how you stuck your tongue down a stranger's throat literally 3 days ago) (well. 3 for me) super one-sided. i take a sip of my coffee and close my eyes.
i die today, i guess. a little spark of panic starts at the top of my hands and starts whipping up my wrists.
"shit," you say. you look at your watch and jump to your feet. "i have to go. if i can come back, i will. i am still trying to figure out when is best to do everything, you know? the order of stuff. maybe morning isn't good for us."
i look up at you and think about how you keep kissing me in the back of my car and in alleyways and in the dark. and i can never fucking get a read on you. and i also think about how incredibly panicked you look. how broken. how long have you been doing this? "i don't want to die," i say.
you glance downwards. "well, you're not really dead, you'll come back in the loop."
"but i will have died." my hands are shaking. i am trying really hard to stay calm.
you push your hands through your hair again. "i really have to go. i will have this discussion with the next version of you, though. it is like, something i am thinking about."
"but i don't get a next version," i say. i don't really have the language for this, because i haven't had 26 tries with you. i only have my memories: you, a week ago. drunk and telling me you loved me in my ear. you, kissing her anyway. you, months ago, throwing up on my birthday, whispering to me i ruin everything i touch, always, over and over. please don't ask. i can't ever fucking have that be you.
i run my finger along the rim of the mug. "i don't want to die in this one."
you seem baffled by this. "i get that but - time will reset, you'll be fine, you won't even remember we talked about this."
"but i know now." i stand up too. "i have to live the rest of this day knowing i could die. knowing i probably am going to."
"you could always die, to be fair."
i feel my hands get out of control. "earlier, you said i always say a different insult about myself. what if you're just going through different parallel universes and those are all just different - but real - versions of myself? what if you're not in a time loop, you're in a fucking universe loop?"
"if it helps, i've wondered this too. also, you're hot in all of them. if that helps."
i point at you. "no flirting. i'm trying to figure out if i die today."
"who's flirting?" you catch my wild hands and give me that long, perfect smile. like we're in this together. "i won't let ya die." you check your watch and sigh again. "well. maybe not this time."
i grit my teeth. you are so not making quips at me while i try to explain the existential dread i'm having. "does the time loop reset if i fucking kill you?"
"honestly i don't know how long it continues after i die, because i just wake up. it could be that the loop goes until the explosion for everyone, and we're all in the loop, or it could be that when i die, the loop restarts. when i die i wake up, is all."
i pull away from you and stalk into the kitchen and start doing all 3 of my dishes. "okay, first, you know i was joking. and secondly, this is exactly my point. you don't know if this is just a parallel universe. maybe in the ones where you died, the explosion happened and nobody reset and it's just you travelling." i have to stop and push the heel of my palm into my eyeball. "... how often have you died?"
i look at you. you look at me. you give me this very sad, halfway smile and a little what can ya do shrug. something in that action seems so old and weary that i want to burst into tears.
"i have to go," you say. "really. for real. there's this family of five i save from getting into a car crash. and i know it's like oh but we're all gonna die in the explosion anyway, what's the point. and..." you shrug again. "it matters to me, is all. at least i saved them for now. at least i saved anything."
you pad over to me and wrap me in a tight hug. you always seem so tall against me. i feel your cheek rest against the top of my head for a moment. for a second, it's just us, and the space is warm, and my heart is a little broken hare.
you leave me there, and i stand in my stupid badly lit kitchen with my stupid mugs. i think about you. i start texting my mom that she needs to get out of the city, but it feels pointless.
i don't know what to do. tomorrow is the same day for you. but i have to prepare to die in my today.
#warm up#prose#i just realized that there's a horror film in there about being someone NOT in a loop.#if i wanted to make it longer i'd have them come back like SUPER battered and hellish.#on round like 999#like halfway through lunch like - YOU . I LOVE U . IM SORRY . I RUINED IT BC I LOVE U CANT U SEE THAT#but like. yeah man what happens when someone else in control of ur destiny#what happens to all the versions of u that DO die...#i also wanted a pre-redemption time looper - this person#(who in my brain is they/them)#is absolutelyyyyyy toying with the narrator bc the time looper is caught up in like#an emo angsty '' i can't have what i want bc i ruin things'' self harm spiral#and like literally the way out of that spiral is to TRY bud.#but this is a person pre-redemption. still kind of an ass. still not really listening to her#still a little bit ignoring that they kissed someone 3 days ago#still KNOWS she likes them and DOES like her back. but is just too chickenshit still.#we're talkin that person we've ALL dated that's like ''i can't be with u anymore bc i am Too Broken and I Can't Stand Hurting U"#... i imagine they grow up tho. eventually.
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choose your friend (no fighters here :)
šø: @overchers
#was going to add a poll but theyāre all winners#was also going to caption this ~pupperazzi~ but I resisted#because I have impeccable self control#[everyone cheers]#this is what Iām doing instead of cleaning my apartment#blogs! theyāre just like us!#Halloween
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Jmart? Jmart.
#This was supposed to be just a sketch but I have no self control#my friend started TMA recently and my hyperfix is BACK#the magnus archives#jonathan sims#tma#tma fanart#tma jon#tma martin#jmart#jonmartin#martin blackwood#wifii's art#my art
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Kiss Kiss Fallen Tree!
[First]Ā PrevĀ <ā-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#lan wangji#Sorry to everyone who was looking forwards to this comic only to find out I put WWX in the ugliest outfit.#Continuity came first. Plus let's be honest; he did *not* show up in anything fancy. Or in all black as seen in most fanart.#We are at the middle of WWX depression arc. His self-care was 100% because Jin Yanli would be sad if he didn't try to look nice.#Okay okay. Fine I've delayed talking about the kiss long enough.#It is absolutely a core LWJ scene over a WWX scene. Which is made even more fascinating because we don't get his POV.#But we get so many insights! His loss of control and his firmness all contrasted against how he trembles.#And all of that wrapped up in a wonderful self-loathing bow! You go Lan Zhan! You hated yourself so much for this!#WWX is a hilarious narrator for this because he is truly just...baffled by what's going on.#He would push the person away but he doesn't want to hurt their feelings or pride (putting other people first again are we?)#I do understand why this one is divisive for people though. I choose to look at it through a character/humourous lens.#I've seen people defend and admonish this scene as a particularly shitty thing LWJ did and let's be very clear here: It was.#That's why I like it. LWJ did a shitty thing and struggles with it. It's part of what makes him so robust as a character.#It's also fine if you enjoy this scene for it's eroticism. You're not a bad person for that. You are just A Person.#People will have their own experiences with this topic. Be kind to each other alright?
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As cameras becomes more normalized (Sarah Bernhardt encouraging it, grifters on the rise, young artists using it), I wanna express how I will never turn to it because it fundamentally bores me to my core. There is no reason for me to want to use cameras because I will never want to give up my autonomy in creating art. I never want to become reliant on an inhuman object for expression, least of all if that object is created and controlled by manufacturing companies. I paint not because I want a painting but because I love the process of painting. So even in a future where everyoneās accepted it, Iām never gonna sway on this.
if i have to explain to you that using a camera to take a picture is not the same as using generative ai to generate an image then you are a fucking moron.
#ask me#anon#no more patience for this#i've heard this for the past 2 years#āan object created and controlled by companiesā anon the company cannot barge into your home and take your camera away#or randomly change how it works on a whim. you OWN the camera that's the whole POINT#the entire point of a camera is that i can control it and my body to produce art. photography is one of the most PHYSICAL forms of artmakin#you have to communicate with your space and subjects and be conscious of your position in a physical world.#that's what makes a camera a tool. generative ai (if used wholesale) is not a tool because it's not an implement that helps you#do a task. it just does the task for you. you wouldn't call a microwave a ātoolā#but most importantly a camera captures a REPRESENTATION of reality. it captures a specific irreproducible moment and all its data#read Roland Barthes: Studium & Punctum#generative ai creates an algorithmic IMITATION of reality. it isn't truth. it's the average of truths.#while conceptually that's interesting (if we wanna get into media theory) but that alone should tell you why a camera and ai aren't the sam#ai is incomparable to all previous mediums of art because no medium has ever solely relied on generative automation for its creation#no medium of art has also been so thoroughly constructed to be merged into online digital surveillance capitalism#so reliant on the collection and commodification of personal information for production#if you think using a camera is āautomationā you have worms in your brain and you need to see a doctor#if you continue to deny that ai is an apparatus of tech capitalism and is being weaponized against you the consumer you're delusional#the fact that SO many tumblr lefists are ready to defend ai while talking about smashing the surveillance state is baffling to me#and their defense is always āwell i don't engage in systems that would make me vulnerable to ai so if you own an apple phone that's on youā#you aren't a communist you're just self-centered
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Staring problem
#the foxhole court#neil josten#andreil#andrew minyard#all for the game#tfc#tfc fanart#my art#aftg#just the boys being soft#because they deserve it#but also I have no self control#intimacy is more than sex- sometimes you just gotta be with your person#Neil heart eyes josten#Andrew this is nothing Minyard
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#911#buddie#911edit#buddieedit#911 on fox#911 fox#911 abc#eddiediazedit#evanbuckleyedit#my edit#buddiesource#911verse#otp: you don't need to pretend with me#usercam#thejess#flashing tw#eddie diaz#evan buckley#it just keeps going#i know oaksaoskaosk#i have no self control#i had more but i hit the image limit aoksaoksoaksokasoaks#long post#911hiatusparallels
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everything is the same except Odile is the one looping
oh. heheheheh. muahahahaha. hold on *digs through my pile of disorganized sketches*
Odile loops au; a sketch compilation!!
Some old fic drabbles + associated sketches under cut (a6 secret spoilers):
hc: Since equipment carries over, as long as Odile uses her book in a fight, she can write down notes and have it carry over loops
toxic doomed yuri (for a more fleshed out fic I highly recommend The Sweetest Thing by soreimoon, it's amazing)
#isat#odile loops au#in stars and time#isat spoilers#isat odile#odile timeloop au#congrats on unleashing the hell gates of odile looping au!!! I've thought about it a bunch!!!!!#contexts:#candy is a reference to sasasap i think. not sure if odile likes candy though#i think it'd be funny if odile struggled with understanding how shields work for a bit. she spends several loops asking mirabelle for help#I think odile would actually spend more time in the loops once she's sure she can just loop again. They're not actually in a rush after all#and she might as well maximize her loops#under cut:#she leaves all of her excess books with loop. Loop has another thing to do while waiting#yes loop is still you know who in this one#toxic doomed yuri is just very self indulgent teehee thanks discord folks#not depicted: I also think that the more loops she does the more she views them as experiments#with variables to control and test#that's where she starts falling off the deep end and start testing stuff like. not warning siffrin about the rock#(instantly regrets it though. loops back the first time she tries)#day 26 today?#A big one! Have funnn#you can tell some of these are really old by the different colored background lmfao#isat au
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Satoru Gojo goes to the same cafe every day for his coffee-flavored confectionary beverage. You are the barista tasked with pumping his drink with the unreasonable assortment of syrup squeezes.
You don't blink at it. You've been in customer service forever. Everything is second nature to you. But you give him a look when you hand him a drink and he just starts going.
He likes to make small chat, you learn. About meaningless things - desserts, drinks, the weather - but he makes you laugh, and he laughs at your jokes, too. He's smiling every time you talk.
He's beautiful - in that way that makes you uncertain if he's really there - and friendly, and he seems a bit lonely, eager to converse.
Something tells you Satoru probably doesn't have a lot of close friends. He's rich, too, judging by the massive tips he leaves you.
The thing is, you do a lot of things on autopilot. It's just the way these things get after a while. Pouring drinks, "What would you like today?", "I'll have that out for you soon!", "Have a nice day!", all that stuff.
Sometimes, though. Sometimes. Wires get crossed.
He's picked up his drink to leave, giving you a cheeky smile and a little wave, and you tell him, without thinking twice:
"Love you, bye!"
Oh. Oh fucking hell -
"Love you too!"
#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#satoru gojo#gojo x reader#satoru x reader#elsey writes slice of life. look at me. im so talented. so diverse#just a thought that came to me earlier today while calling some friends and family lol#if anyone gojo knew said āi love youā to him he would immediately say it back and that is CANON#he is not cool and collected he is DESPERATE and even if he TRIES to be emotionally distant he has 0 self control#almost everyone who approaches him does it because he's rich/handsome. if he thought you REALLY liked him he'd actually cry#gojo is annoying and likes to argue with you about coffee and desserts but he has your back#you accidentally say āyou're welcomeā instead of āthank youā and he's like āi am eternally grateful for the HONOR of having been served by#he's sooooo obnoxious i love him#elsey writes sfw. guys do NOT get used to this i am a degenerate
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frog - jinshi x reader (Spoiler Warning for Chapter 63 of the manga)
"hng." Jinshi whimpers, face flushed as you freeze.
It's a frog. You fucking swear it's a frog. You didn't just accidentally grab and squeeze Jinshi, a fucking eunuch's, dick. You did not. You are hallucinating. That was the frog that jumped on you and knocked you off balanceā nOT Jinshi's dick or whatever. He shouldn't even have one!
"Sorry." You sit up, legs still straddling Jinshi as you get off of his chest. "I saw a frog and fell."
Jinshi sits up with you, face flushed in embarrassment as you pray you can play stupid out of this one. It was hard enough that he literally witnessed you hurl a rock at the assassin with eerie precision, but you would rather die than have to die with Jinshi because you found out he wasn't a eunuch.
Every day your loyalty is tested when around this man.
"That makes this way easier." Jinshi sighs, grabbing you by the shoulder as you tense up to lean back from him. "I have a confession to make. Iā"
"I think I killed the frog." You mumble, face pale. You're acting. You have to. You are not following Jinshi to the grave and cleaning up the aftermath of his ass getting someone pregnant.
"No, listen, that wasn'tā"
"Oh my god, I'm not gonna make it to heaven." You mumble again, staring at your hand before wiping it on your chest. "Master Jinshi, I'm going to hell."
"No, that wasn'tā"
"I'm going to hell because I crushed a frog..." You mumble.
Jinshi gets fed up with your acting, pushing you backward into the dirt as he cages you in, lifting your leg as he presses his clothed erection into you. You yelp, trying to crawl away, but he holds you in place, eyes staring through yours to your soul as you shake underneath him. Playing stupid didn't work this time.
"That was not a frog," and he rolls his hips against yours for emphasis, watching as you mentally restrain yourself from moaning. God, since when were you this lewd?! "Stop playing stupid, pretty one. You gave it a good squeeze too."
You freeze up as he lowers himself ever so slowly, and you blurt your thoughts out before you can think of what the best choice is at the moment.
"I am not having my first kiss on the dirt in a cave!" You cry, praying that it's enough. Seriously, you aren't following Jinshi to the grave. He may be hot, and women may throw themselves at him and men turn gay for him and nations go to war for him but you are not following him to the grave. Your loyalty does not lay that strong. You don't want to die just yet.
Jinshi leans in anyway, lips brushing yours as a bark sounds above you as you call back, and you sigh in relief when you hear Maomao's voice.
You're saved. Oh heavens, you're saved.
#I have a 20k word jinshi fic coming out in like what 4 hours?? but listen guys I had this in my brain I could not get it out at all#ā¾.blurbs#apothecary diaries x reader#jinshi x reader#kusuriya no hitorigoto x reader#I would not have this kind of self control I would just start fucking him in the dirt but this was too comedic not to write#the aftermath of this is jinshi messing with reader every chance he gets btw that mas is gonna fuck with em SO HARD#ā¾.suggestive
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trunks drawings I made while I was supposed to do more important stuff (oh well drawing them will always be important in my heart at least)
#dragon ball#dbz trunks#future trunks#nanamugu art#I have like 0 self control both of these were supposed to be quick doodles at first#Well the first one was quick actually the other one however... also I doubt they count as doodles anymore#btw the lyrics in the future trunks one are from the song p:Machinery by Propaganda#You know one of the songs that Yamamoto plagiarized for trunks theme song#Ngl putting the lyrics was kinda random I just didn't know what to do with the bg#Can't go wrong with the lyrics from a random song in my trunks playlist I guess
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s5e8 - The Devil's Grip
#vbrosclips#vbros#venture bros#the venture brothers#billy quizboy#pete white#rose whalen#s5e8#season 5#i know this scene has been clipped to hell and back. i do not care.#i want it on my blog NEOW#also this was really funny to see considering the clip i saw earlier on twitter#of hammer and publick doing a panel and i guess questions from the audience#and one of them was 'when will billy and pete get girlfriends'#and hammers response. after alluding to the petebilly shipping scene at length. being verbatim#'billy's a virgin and pete white. look at him.'#that and 'why did you tell your mom im gay'. bitch i dont hear you denying it. thats not a denying tone to me#the way he says 'you said i was handsome? :<' jfdgkgkks its so good#at risk of talking too long i think my pete sexuality hc is#he doesnt think about it and doesnt have enough impulse control or self respect to turn anything down#billy is in that weird in-between area of 'am i bisexual or asexual'#unlike pete he thinks about it and just doesnt wanna deal with it so inwardly he considers himself heteroflexible
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it is taking literally all of my self control to not become a full on angry Jewish blog this week you guys have no fucking clue the pain and suffering and isolation and legit NIGHTMARES that you have brought down on Jews for the last 15 months minimum and now you pretend to give a fuck with your performative thoughtless reblogging of Sound of Music and a Nazi getting punched but refuse to admit the central tenant of Nazism? Ok.
#antisemitism#i have literally dozens of drafts from this week alone you have no idea how much self control I am using right now#dont even get me started on non jews talking about the ADL as if they are the only jewish organization in existence while ignoring#what american jews think of the organization or their policies or their response and completely disregarding intracommunity discussions#about this topic as well as the responses of MANY other jewish organizations that have roundly condemned it#but if there are no zionists to blame or jews to vilify whats the point right?#actually I guess you really aren't pretending to give a fuck because you keep erasing the antisemitism so maybe this is just consistency
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Shout out to Rise Kujikawa for resisting the urge of all urges
#honestly if I were staring at a fire alarm all day I would just pull it#I donāt have her self control#rise kujikawa#sheās such a goober#persona 4#vās art
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Wait you guys are actually buying Disney products I thought it was a joke
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(READ TAGS FOR FULL CONTEXT Sorry itās long dies
#Honestly Iām only bothered bc I feel partially responsible (WTF EGOMANIAC OVER HERE)#I know I canāt control other peopleās spending habits and my own habits are. Less than ideal !!#But when I wanted to spread my love for Wreck it Ralph I didnāt want people to get that takeaway š#IMPORTANT NOTE ā¼ļøItās okay to express your love for something through buying official things !!! That DOESNāT make you a ābad personā !!!#Still ! I think we have to let ourselves feel bothered by things and we need to be more critical of exploitative companies#Of course I chose to watch inside out 2 with my mom in theaters so Iām not immune lmao. Also using amazon / Etsy ā¦ just as a whole#But if you need help finding Disney movies without supporting them please just ask me!! PLEASE donāt use Disney+ if you can avoid it#I know we are all capable of finding our fulfillment from better places. But sometimes itās hard#Capitalism sucks and yet thatās how we are endlessly pressured to live :(#Weāre all at different points in our lives. Sometimes self care involves consumerism#Be hopeful that it someday wonāt have to#Txt#again Iām sorry if this comes off as horribly egotistical to even consider being single-handedly responsible for#Social media is bad ā¦. numbers badā¦. Distorts reality and your perception of yourselfā¦..#Or as me trying to guilt trip people in any way. Genuinely do what makes you happy but WE CAN BE HAPPIER & HEALTHIER I KNOW WE CAN#Wreck it ralph#Rant#Also sorry I have huge beef with streaming services I donāt mean to enforce that on other people but also. Sharing my opinion
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Andrew Minyard has cute aggression pt.2
#neil josten#andrew minyard#andreil#the foxhole court#all for the game#my art#aftg#aftg fanart#yet more new art instead of finishing old art lmao#but also i have no self control#they are in love#also I see you all talking about what a good fix this would be#just saying if that were to happen tag me š
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