#I just hate the moral weight to it. fictional characters remaining not so good people doesn't have shit to do with how a person in that

[hadesknockedupintheunderworld]

You know, back a long time ago when I was actively participating in Sk8 fandom while the anime was airing, there was a lot of mentality abound of people expressing how badly they wanted to "save Tadashi from ADAM". And of course, at that time it always felt like it came from a good place. The excuse was that because Tadashi was "obviously being abused" (also, to note, the entire mentality was also based on the assumption that Tadashi was perfectly normal before Ainosuke broke him and turned him into a loyal puppet, which turned out to be an incorrect assumption), so of course people wanted to save him, right? As "any good person would" they just saw an abused and broken man and wanted to save him and rehabilitate him and help him realize that the life he's living is wrong–

Wait a minute. This is where we pause. By the time the show itself had ended (or season 1 rather) and all the context had been given, this mentality began to rub me the wrong way.

Why?

Because in this situation, people started from a very reasonable place of "I feel bad for what this character has been through" and transitioned to a place where the character is treated both like a real person who can receive harm, but also a baby with no agency. From a more irl angle, this fictional character is an adult man, which canon went to a number of lengths to show that he has learned a number of skills of his own accord so he could be the perfect secretary, and he has enough going for him that he doesn't need this secretary job to stay afloat. In other words, by the final episode, canon could not make it more perfectly clear that he knows his reality and continues to choose it. Even in his fictional reality, he doesn't need someone to kidnap him and "show him what true happiness is". But also, he's a fictional character and not a real person. It doesn't matter whether he chooses to be in a situation you think is terrible or not. Canon is the way it is because the author made it so. It does not conform to your comfortability or your wishes for the characters.

This is to say that what rubs me the wrong way of the mentality that Tadashi is a poor poor man who needs to be saved and fixed and shown true happiness is that people erase the agency he has in his own story as an adult who chooses what he wants and knows what will make him happy, and also treat him like a real person whom people have a moral imperative to save from his abuser. And they all do so ignoring canon about the situation that doesn't back up the idea that he either is hopelessly stuck as a victim (and needs saving) or is stuck as a victim and can't see it because he's broken (and needs saving).

"Now, hadesknockedupintheunderworld," you may be wondering. "You're predominantly a Sonic blog right now. What does this fictional secretary man from an anime that stopped airing in 2021 have to do with that."

To which I would say, "You know me, random person on the internet. This does have to do with Sonic the Hedgehog somehow!"

The reason I brought this up is to say that...the way the louder Sonic fandom treats Surge and Kitsunami rubs me the wrong way. Because you see this very similar mentality here.

"Oh poor Surge she was traumatized and abused. She's a bad person right now because she's reacting to trauma and doesn't know any better. She doesn't know that she's being bad, but as long as she becomes friends with Amy/Sonic they'll help her heal and teach her that what she wants is wrong"

"Oh, Surge knows what she's doing is bad and doing it on purpose? Well of course that's Starline's fault isn't it. She won't want to kill Sonic forever. She just needs to find her old family and take back her old identity and make friends with Amy/Sonic. This way she'll be able to become a hero and learn how to be a good person. She can't be happy unless she's a good person with family and friends! And there are so many characters who can save her."

"What? She's becoming a hero but still wants to kill Sonic? Oh, well. The first steps are taken, but she just needs the right people to lead by example. It's her destiny and future to be a good person, she just needs to be shown how"

"Poor poor Kitsunami, Surge was awful to him. He's so codependent with her due to Starline's programming, and she's so terrible to him. Practically abusing him. He's still following her because the poor baby has no choice! His programming keeps him from ever defying Surge, poor thing. But don't worry, Kit. One day you'll realize that the heroes are just trying to help you! And Tails will help you break through your programming and show you how to be a good person! And then you can heal without your pesky abuser forcing you to do things."

"Oh, he wants to be around Surge? No that's his programming he needs to break through. The poor kid simply doesn't know anything else and is a slave to his programming. That's why I need– I mean, he needs someone to save him and turn him into a good person."

"Surge is taking so many steps to being a good person and hero, but Kitsunami is concerning me. It's his fault that she's not a good girl and a full hero yet because he's going to basically become a secret villain so she can be a hero. God she's gonna be so pissed when she finds out he isn't being a good person and is causing problems for her to fix. I so sooooo hope this doesn't happen, but if he doesn't stop then he's gonna solidify himself as a villain and deserve whatever punishment he gets as a bad person. If IDW has any good writers at all, then Kit will finally become friends with Tails and the others and they'll teach him that he's wrong! Then he won't be so codependent on Surge and dragging her down and he can be of worth to society as a good person."

The similarities here are thus:

This character has gone through bad things/trauma and I feel bad for them.

I personally want to save them and wrap them up so they can heal and never deal with those things again

The only people who deserve happy futures are people who are good people (who I see as good people).

Because I like this character and want to save them, this means I want good things for them. They don't deserve good things unless they're good people, so I need someone to save them and make them better people.

If the character isn't a 100% good person (to me), then it's because they don't know any better and need to be shown by someone else what a good person is like. If the character does know better, well then all the more reason for someone to fix them and change them for their own sake.

I've decided that the situation the character is currently in is bad for them because it doesn't fit what I think would be a good and happy future if I was in their shoes. This means that they must be hopelessly stuck and forced in this situation somehow and need someone's help to escape it and be turned into a good person so they can have the good future I've picked for them. Anyone in their life I don't think is conducive to that future is a literal bad person.

Therefore the character doesn't know what's good for them like I do, but I can save them and make them happy. And if you don't agree that they need to be saved and fixed into model citizens (even against their current will) so they can be happy then you may as well be ignoring a real person who's being abused and crying for help. But also if they choose against my wishes for them time and time again maybe the narrative will kill them because they'll simply deserve to die at that point. Of course I hope that doesn't happen! This is why they must be saved!

What I'm saying is, like with Tadashi sk8, people have taken the mentality that Kit and/or Surge are poor poor guys who need to be saved and fixed and shown true happiness. They erase the agency the characters have in their own stories as free people who can choose what they want now and know what will make them happy, and also treat them like real people whom people have a moral imperative to save from their abusers or themselves or whatever they've decided the problem is. And they all do so ignoring canon about the situation that doesn't back up the idea that they either are hopelessly misguided (and need saving/fixing) or are stuck as a slaves to their own programming and can't see it because they're broken/don't know any better (and need saving/fixing).

[kallypsowrites]

I've seen alot of big book Twitter,BookTube and BookTok accounts suddenly turning Malina stans when previously they were Darkling/Darklina stans. And they use the same performative activism words like "manipulative" "abusive" "abuse apologist" "predatory" "pedophilia" and what not. One thing that I ABSOLUTELY LOATHE is them using such words with so much weight and blame in them,words that are REALITY for alot of people,to define the "lack of morality" in people who enjoy a fictional ship. I hate it.

And secondly,in my opinion,people suddenly turning into Mal stans has two reasons:

1. Mal is played by a POC actor. So if they hate on the character played by a POC actor, they'll obviously be called racist now. But if Mal was played by a white man,they wouldn't have changed their opinions. We're forgetting that all that Mal and Alina were white in the books for a whole decade,they turned them into mixed people in the show. I LOVE Archie I've known him since Golddigger but this isn't sitting right with me. Suddenly liking a character, forgetting all his wrongdoings just because he's played by POC? Something is fishy. I saw this tweet that said "Thank God Archie is playing Mal if it was a white boy I would've hated Mal even more." And the reply was "The only reason I'm suddenly into Mal is because he's mixed,if he was white it would've been on sight" and I just??????? I'm hella excited for Mal in the show but all these people who previously HATED Mal now trying to be all "Mal my king Darkling stay away you gross predator!!!" Has me losing my remaining 4 braincells.

2. They're simply scared of being cancelled for liking a problematic ship. They want to be on the "good side" of the fandom and feel moral superiority over people who like Darkles or Darklina. And I hate this. They call Ben an abuse apologist when he, just like us,NEVER justified Aleksander's behaviour. Good for them I guess,I'm gonna sit back and enjoy Ben and Jessie spreading the Darklina agenda while antis cry about how wrong it is.

Sorry for the rant pls correct me if I'm wrong. Love your blog❤️😭

Hey anon!

So, personally, I’m very wary of being the topic of race into the discourse because, simply put, its not my place. I am white. I don’t feel qualified to speak on the topic. I have seen POC who enjoy Darklina/the Darkling. I have seen POC who don’t. There are going to be a lot of people who come into the show fresh and this Mal and Darkling will be the only ones they know. And therefore it will be a valid interpretation if they like Mal better based on his new character. Not to mention, based on interviews, elements of his personality have been changed to make him more likeable so his race is not the only thing to change.

There is a conversation to be had about the fact that in the original trilogy, everyone was whiter than white with a few exceptions. And I am hoping Leigh doesn’t get too much credit for the show diversity. Its good that she is adding more, but she also doesn’t deserve brownie points. White authors in general get way too many pats on the back for writing ‘diverse books’ when really the spotlight should be shining more on POC authors who have constantly struggled to gain recognition in the industry.

Bottom line, I have no doubt people are going to discuss race in Shadow and Bone and I plan to mostly keep my mouth shut and listen on that because it’s not my place to add. I obviously don’t know your race so its up to you how you respond.

Now as to the second point, I do agree. I think Darklina is an overtly problematic ship. Its hero x villain. it never pretends to be anything else. And the Darkling is going to do some villainous stuff. People who are cool with enjoying fictional villains are okay with this, but there are plenty of people who would prefer to have the moral high ground (especially if they didn’t have strong opinions on the ship to begin with). I don’t know how many people have ‘switched’ because I’m kind of new to this fandom. But my advice is to let people ship as they please and if they do cross lines/attack you/send unasked for hate, block and move on. Life is to short to waste it all arguing with strangers about your taste and fictional ships.

I am glad that you like my blog.🖤

[kitkatopinions]

OZPIN

Ozpin for the RWBY character asks.

My top three ships for the character

Note: For these ships, I’m exclusively talking about gray-haired Professor Ozpin, and I’ve long written Oz to be at least somewhat affected by the age of his hosts, I’ve long written him to be around the same age as Ironwood and Qrow (I mean, he looks the same age and I missed Raven’s lines suggesting he was a teacher or headmaster when Team STRQ was in school,) and I’ve also long headcanoned that when he first hosted in Ozpin, the person he was hosting in chose to merge with him right away. So while he was Ozpin, there was no ‘Ozpin talks sometimes, Oz talks sometimes,’ or sharing a head. I’ve never done much shipping for Oz, but all that kind of lines up to at least make that version of him pretty shippable.

So yeah, Ozpin/Glynda could be a power couple of wholly devoted, tired, stressed caregivers trying to mentor sixty some kids at once. XD Ozpin/Amber has literally no real content, but they could look good together and she’s a non-character like Summer, but I see them as having had a lot of similarities in being kind and soft spoken. I also don’t mind Ozpin/Roman as a ‘once upon a time, Roman used to flirt with him all the time before anything went bad and Ozpin responded with amused tolerance and never really took it seriously, but a lot of their acquaintances thought they were seeing each other... Which would just make it hurt worse and be one more thing Oz blames himself for when Roman falls into a life of crime, 

My three least favorite ships for the character

Oz/Cinder, as previously stated, once someone kills someone, there’s no coming back from it. Also, he doesn’t need to get romantic advancements from any abusive manipulative magic girl who just wants to use and hurt him and abuses children on the side too. Oz/Hazel. Hazel is an abuser! He beat Oz! He blamed Oz for things that weren’t his fault and used him as an excuse for all his vile actions. Gross. And Oz/Salem takes the top spot for very obvious reasons. This one’s even more gross than Oz/Hazel.

My biggest criticism for the character

Honestly, the way he’s treated by the narrative of the show with much less sympathy than he should be. I love flawed characters, leaders that do their best but make lots of mistakes, but the narrative treated him as one hundred percent in the wrong, no discussion, and therefore deserving of Qrow hitting him (out of character moment!) and Team RWBY ripping his secrets from him forcibly, making him relive his trauma in high def, yelling at him and then being glad he was gone, and not wanting him back and then only begrudgingly and seriously accepting his apology (out of character, especially for Blake!) Especially since Ruby also didn’t have a plan and lied about potentially life saving information to an ally and then even when she made her broadcast to the world, she left out tons of information there too! Which, don’t get me wrong, is understandable for her, but the narrative should’ve recognized that she was doing the same things Ozpin did and they should’ve had her gain sympathy and understanding for him. And the narrative also gave credence to Hazel somehow, treating it seriously when he warns Oscar ‘no more Gretchens’ despite Hazel being a super abusive, murderous bastard who was trying to murder kids and making the world a worse place. I’ve had so many people tell me ‘Team RWBY are going to apologize to Ozpin and realize they were wrong to treat him the way they did,’ but it never happened. Because the writers wanted us to think of Oz as a morally gray person who had to be taught a lesson by Team RWBY, rather than an abuse victim who deserved some sympathy and understanding who shouldn’t have been abused again just for making a mistake. I don’t know why the writers thought pretending Team RWBY and Qrow were in the right would be okay, but I hate it.

My favorite thing about the character

I love Oz so much, but my favorite thing about him might be his dynamic with Qrow in seasons 3-5. Of course it all went bad in season 6, but I love a close friends, almost brothers dynamic where one does everything for the other and is wholly devoted to him, would die for him at the drop of a hat. And I love a mentor-father figure always throwing himself into protecting a kid and leaning on his shoulder while the kid is nervous, but excited and happy over it and wanting his affection and approval... And with Oz (and the headcanon that he’s affected by the age of his host,) I get both! There’s a lot more to love, but that’s my favorite thing. God, they flourish in fan fictions...

A headcanon I have about them

I already touched on some of my headcanons for him and his host, but also...‘Ozpin’ was that host’s last name, and his first name was actually Orpheus, but his team in Beacon and his inner circle only ever called him by his last name.

What I would change about them if I was making a re-write

Okay, so hear me out, I’d still have people get mad at him for all his secret keeping and having no plan to defeat Salem, and I’d probably still have him temporarily retreat. But A. I wouldn’t have the punch, and instead, I’d have Qrow more ‘quietly disappointed’ than anything else and he’d regret it almost immediately and feel guilty about it (even though in that case, his feelings would be valid,) and B. Blake would be on Ozpin’s side. Seriously, Blake knows what abuse feels like, she knows it’s hard to trust after, she knows Oz has been through worse, even more than she can imagine. She should’ve been standing up for him, saying that even though he was wrong to lie, she gets why. And C. I’d have the people who have a harder time understanding and especially Ruby learn and grow and start to realize how much weight was on his shoulders while they make many of the same mistakes. D. I’d have Ozpin start coming back in V7, and apologize to Qrow in private (and have Qrow apologize back,) and then I’d have him mostly silent, ‘coming out to talk’ only really to James or Qrow and communicating through Oscar when the need calls for it, and he’d kind of step down and let James (and kind of, Ruby) make the choices for the group. Ruby at the very least would apologize to him by the end of the seventh season. And I’d totally still have him kidnapped and taken to Salem because I love that sweet sweet whump, but I’d have Hazel die like the unredeemed asshole he was and I think I’d have Qrow involved in the rescue somehow.

What I I think of their character allusion and what (if anything) I would change about it

Oz acts as both the Wizard of Oz and the Princess Ozma character merged into one allusion, and I honestly think some of it is really cleverly done. The Wizard of Oz had arrived in Oz and was treated as a god, and decided to lean into it due to Oz’s lack of current leadership and used his magician tricks to make it seem like he had magic (reflecting Oz agreeing to Salem making them seem like gods by using what was - in their world - perfectly ordinary magic, which Oz did in an attempt to grant leadership to a world he was tasked with improving.) The Wizard is treated as a king in Oz and is presented as a magic infallible solution to all of Dorothy (and her group’s) problems, only for that to be proven to not be the case, as he can only grant temporary pacifying placebos (reflecting Oz’s attempts to keep Salem back and present a false time of peace to the world while fighting a secret war that he has no plan to be able to end.) The wizard temporarily leaves the Land of Oz only to return to it later (like Ozpin dying only to come back,) and when he returns, he acts as a guide to Dorothy and dumps plot exposition about his origins (guiding the kids, the Lost Fable,) and is then permitted to remain in the Land of Oz by a magic girl who is the true leader (reflective of Ruby and the group ‘graciously’ letting him stay in their group.) Then, there’s Princess Ozma, the extremely benevolent and kind ageless fairy princess, descended from a long line of fairy princess’s, who is the rightful ruler of the land of Oz. Princess Ozma was friendly to outsiders and disliked violence, preferring peaceful solutions to conflict, and when she was first introduced in the books, it was while trapped in the body of a young boy named ‘Tip’ with no recollection of the life as Princess Ozma. I think all of that pretty obviously lines up with Ozma/Ozpin the RWBY character really well! I don’t mind this conjoined character allusion. I’m actually pretty dang fond of this one, I think this (along with Sun) is one of the few well done character allusions in RWBY.

[victorromeofox-blog]

VRF Website and Community

VRF Website and Community - Soft Opening Coming Soon!

I've been a little less active here in the last little bit, but have been working behind the scenes to build up the VRF website and planning around community-building.  I'm just about ready to start opening the site to semi-public access and start inviting trusted people to the Discord within the next week!  There is some information below introducing some of the content and features of the site and Discord server.  Please contact me (Ask or email preferred) if you would like access - I recommend reading the rest of this post before you do, but it is not required.

If you’re looking to better understand BDSM and kink, participate in a community of rational, respectful, and conscientious kink practitioners, and contribute to protecting, uplifting, and helping others - while still enjoying some fantasies - you are exactly the type of person who would be a great fit for this space.

If you’re “just here for the porn”, this website and community are not going to be what you’re looking for.  They are specifically a pushback against that very mentality, and the rampant toxicity and problematic discourse in the online BDSM/kink space, especially CNC kink, and your needs will be better met elsewhere.  Same goes for those who are just out to get nudes, roleplay online, organize hookups, or find a submissive - there are other spaces geared toward that.

In the meantime, I'd like to explain what this all means to me, where VRF is headed next, and what factors I'm taking into consideration as I continue.  This is going to be a fairly reflective post - almost like a letter of intent - but I'm putting it out there primarily for transparency and also for those of you who want some insight into my thoughts and process.

VRF - A Quick Recap

When I started VRF in 2015, I didn't really have a goal.  I was just looking to curate the kinds of porn I enjoyed the most on Tumblr and occasionally added some captions that came to mind as I did - and accidentally cultivated a sizeable following.  As the blog grew and began to have more interactions with others on the network, I realized that I couldn't stay in-persona all the time - not without sending a potentially dangerous message - so I started answering asks and giving advice out of character, as myself.  These "real" interactions, as well as the reality checks that kept rolling in, set the tone for what VRF would become - and made me feel much more comfortable with running a blog featuring questionable content.

I stepped away from the blog and went on hiatus in 2016; I saw a sharp rise in hateful, bigoted, and violent voices online and no longer felt comfortable that my posts would remain firmly in the realm of fantasy for the majority of readers.  Although the original @violent-rape-fantasies was terminated in 2019, I made a fairly complete backup of the entire blog before it went down.  I returned in late 2020 to start again from scratch, try to rebuild my following, and reconnect with the community - that effort was terminated by Tumblr in 2021, leading me to the two blogs I currently have (@VictorRomeoFox-blog / @violent-rape-fantasies-2​) and to create a self-hosted website containing the original VRF archives with major quality-of-life improvements to the Tumblr experience.

This process made me consider what my goals are for VRF, how I want to achieve them, and what promises I make to the community as part of that journey.  

VRF - Mission and Values

VRF's mission is to be a safe, inclusive, and collaborative space that promotes affirmative consent, healthy relationships, and conscientious kink, where consenting adults can explore their kinks, enjoy fictional fantasies, and uplift one another without overbearing guilt or shame.

Let me quickly break some of this down:

safe: I want people to feel comfortable consuming and interacting with me and my content - not only the kinks and acts depicted in the fantasies, but in the entirety of the space that VRF projects, including knowing that their personhood, privacy, anonymity, and emotional safety are important to me.

inclusive: although I focus primarily on male-on-female scenarios, people from all walks of life are welcome so long as they are good citizens of the community and conscientious kink practitioners.  This also means rejecting hate, bigotry, and willful ignorance.

collaborative: VRF is discursive, both in-persona and out-of-character; the content and direction I take is often influenced by the conversations I have with followers, the asks and submissions I receive, and the state of the community as I see it.  I want to always be in conversation with the community to understand its needs and goals so that I can better meet them.

affirmative consent: as discussed in a previous post, I highlight affirmative consent because it centers around positive action as opposed to consent, which can be a passive state.  I believe this is critical for conscientious kink.

healthy relationships: the relationships we hold shape who we are, who we become, and how we interact with the world around us.  I believe that healthy relationships build healthier, happier lives - this concerns all relationships, from friendships to families to romantic or sexual partnerships.  I have seen less emphasis in this community on relationships, and interpersonal interactions in general, and think that this is a major oversight.

conscientious kink: kink can be dangerous or harmful when not practiced with care and consideration - not just for physical health, but for mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being.  It requires reflection, introspection, and communication in order to form intentionality - the understanding behind what you do, how you do it, and why you do it.

reducing guilt: this is one of the concerns I get most often from followers - how to reconcile their guilt for enjoying consensual non-consent, and whether it is morally wrong or an indication that something is wrong with them.  I believe that CNC, like most kinks, can be practiced in a conscientious way to reduce and mitigate the potential dangers, but that it requires consistent effort, education, and research.

Aside from these, I identified values which are important for me to maintain in order to meet the mission.  Some of them are:

transparency: I try to be as transparent as I can, while maintaining my privacy and anonymity, so that people know that I have nothing to hide.  I cannot build a safe space without building trust, and I can’t build trust without being honest and transparent.

leadership by example: if I am positioning myself as a resource and giving advice to others, I must embody the values I put forward and lead by example, not by words; otherwise, what I say is worthless and lacks substance.

data- and research-driven: I want to provide people with a deeper understanding of themselves and their kinks; while anecdotal information can at times be helpful, I want the things I posit to have weight and justification behind them.  This means an intersection of data, research, and analysis around all of the factors involved, including moral philosophy, psychology, sociology, and biology.

care and patience: these kinks are difficult and hurtful to some people, and confusing or conflicting to others.  I need to be caring, considerate, and patient in order for people to feel comfortable engaging with my content and interacting with me.

contextualized: these kinks and fantasies don’t exist in a vacuum and must be contextualized in order to remain conscientious of the relationship it maintains to the real world.  This means that I don’t want fantasies misrepresented as reality or reality misconstrued as fantasy, and the onus is on me to ensure that followers are seeing both sides of the equation.

quality over quantity: I have a limited amount of time that I can dedicate to VRF work, and want to make the best possible use of that time.  I want to focus on high-quality content, both in-persona fantasies and out-of-character advice, research, and resources, without worrying about how much or how frequently I’m posting.  It also means that I care far less about the number of followers and viewers I have, and much more about whether I am cultivating the kind of followers that match my vision for VRF and its community.

There are other factors and values as well, but these are the biggest ones for me.  They drive how I present myself, how I interact with the community, and what kinds of content I put forth.

VRF Website - Content and Features

What does the website allow me to do that I couldn’t on Tumblr?

No censorship, frustrating filters, or threat of termination - I can focus on my content without running into blockers at every turn, or worrying that I’m going to lose all my work without warning.

Better content controls, organization, and layout - I can group posts logically and have different ways for users to access and view them instead of being one monolithic stream of posts.

Tagging and search - I’ve tagged my archive with kinks, features, toys, actions, positions, locations, and more to make it easier to both find content that you want to see and avoid content that you don’t.  The VRF site features granular search controls, including tag combinations, so you can engage with the site how you choose.

Random Post/Random Caption - sometimes, you’re in the mood to mix things up.  Instead of seeing a temporally-sorted feed of posts, you can go to a random post or caption from the menu bar.

Clear disclaimers and view control - instead of my content being blended into a sea of posts, which creates difficulty in carving out that safe cognitive space for engaging with these kinks or necessitates rapid context-switching, all of my posts will be in one central repository with clear disclaimers where I have control over how things are viewed.

The VRF Archive - the content from the original @violent-rape-fantasies blog have been restored to the VRF website.

There are some downsides, of course - like the lack of network discovery, limited server space and resources, cost, maintenance, and effort.  But the benefits greatly outweigh the additional overhead.

VRF Community

What’s the VRF Discord community all about?

This is a new idea I’m playing with - I’m not new to Discord or community management, but combining that with VRF is a new endeavor for me.  Since I’m going to be shifting my focus from Tumblr to the VRF website, some of those network and community interactions from Tumblr will move to Discord instead, such as interacting with followers, taking requests, feedback, and suggestions, and delving deeper into kink philosophy, fantasy, and practice.

I’ve set up the Discord in a way that different sections can be partitioned - like general discussion, BDSM/kink discussion, CNC fantasies, member content (submissions), and so on.  The different sections are accessible to different levels of membership and verification to maintain that safe, inclusive, and collaborative space.  For example, agreeing to the rules and guidelines gives you access to the general discussion section; verifying your age gives you access to BDSM- and kink-related sections; and being an active and trusted member who contributes to the server over time gets you access to the private sections.

This will also be a much easier way to get in contact with me, and keep the majority of my interactions with the community in one place, instead of hunting across Tumblr messenger for both my accounts, Asks, Twitter, Discord DMs, Telegram, Kik, and email.

VRF - Next Steps and Future Work

In the next few weeks, the VRF website and Discord community will soft-open and move toward general opening.  This is a new direction for me, but after assessing my priorities and goals, it is the solution best suited for what I want to achieve.  I will continue to use Tumblr, but will likely be focusing the majority of my time on the website and Discord.

The mission and values I’ve identified leave quite a bit of room to explore various ways to express these kinks and share knowledge.  I’m not hard-set on VRF being a blog with porn and captions, and could see changes or pivots in the future.  I would love for this work to be able to generate some modest revenue in the future in order to cover basic operating costs, support survivors of abuse as well as kink education and safety, and commission custom content.  As an aside, if you read all of this, please start your request for access with the word “potato” in all caps to let me know you got this far.

I also want to move toward a more ethical and sustainable model of captions and fantasies.  My first step toward this is in creating gifs myself and fully crediting the source, which I started doing when I returned from hiatus.  Concurrently, I am working with my partner, who is an artist, to develop illustrations and animations to accompany captions instead of commercial pornography - we’re still in the R&D phase for this, but hope to share some early content soon (including a fantasy and sketch that we’re working on to accompany a follower submission).  Ideally, we would be able to collaborate with submitters and sex workers to create fully original, credited, and compensated content - but that’s a huge stretch goal for the future.

We are also considering other formats for fantasy and knowledge delivery, including a visual novel format or interactive media (i.e., games) if the art development turns out well and proves sustainable.  We’re both fairly busy people in our personal and professional lives, and in situations where we have to maintain a fairly strict separation between kink involvement and our everyday lives, so carving out time for VRF work is challenging at times!

I look forward to seeing folks on the VRF website and Discord community soon!

[strangeandforlornbooks]

best books with morally ambiguous narrators!

all y’all’s problematic faves and villains! :) also included are third person narrators but in books with morally ambiguous leads/themes 

Sci-fi

Scythe by Neal Shusterman: in a future free from pain, disease, and war, people can live forever. ‘scythes’ are given the power to decide who lives and who dies to preserve the balance. sad and kinda gives of hunger games vibes, if you like that.

Neuromancer by William Gibson: basically invented the cyberpunk genre. strange and removed protagonists. (a team of computer hackers have to face off against an evil AI). you kind of dislike everyone and suddenly you’re crying over them. one of those trippy sci-fi classics.

The Sirens of Titan by Kurt Vonnegut: very beautiful and very very sad (same author as slaughterhouse five). the richest man in america has to face a martian invasion. more about free will and bad people doing good things than a plot that makes any kind of sense.

The Man in the High Castle by Philip K Dick: set in an alternate universe where the germans and japanese won world war two. not really like the tv show at all- it’s not an action story, and there’s not really the hope to somehow fix the world that drives a lot of dystopia stories. instead its about how people survive and connect to one another in a hopeless society.

The Scorpion Rules by Erin Bow: a supercomputer convinces the leaders of the world to keep the peace for hundreds of years by taking their children hostage and obliterating any city that disobeys. what happens to the hostage protagonists when war seems inevitable? lots of morally fraught decisions and characters slowly losing their identity. (plus a fun lesbian romance)

Cryptonomicon by Neal Stephenson: a brilliant mathematician and a dedicated marine fight to keep the ultra secret in world war two. fifty years later,  a tech company discovers what remains of their story. one of the most memorable sequences in the book is a japanese soldier slowly becoming disillusioned with his nation and horrified by the war even as he continues to fight.

Blade Runner by Philip K. Dick: another one of those sci-fi classics that’s not at all like the movie. there is a bounty hunter for robots, though, as well as a weird religion that probably is referencing catholicism and a decaying society with a shortage of pets. kind of a trip.

Wilder Girls by Rory Power: girls trapped in a boarding school on an isolated island must face a creeping rot that affects the animals and plants on the island as well as their own bodies. the protagonists will do anything to survive and keep each other safe. very tense (and bonus lesbian romance whoo)

The Fifth Season by N K Jemisin: three women are gifted with the ability to control the earth’s energy in a world where those who can do so are forced into hiding or slavery. some veryyyy dark choices here but lots of strong female characters.

Historical Fiction

Fingersmith by Sarah Waters: two victorian lesbians fall in love as they plot to betray each other in horrific ways. lots of plot twists, plucky thieves, gothic settings, and a great romance.

Quo Vadis by Henryk Sienkiwicz: a powerful roman soldier in the time of Nero plots to kidnap a young woman after he falls in love with her, only to learn more about the mysterious christian religion she follows. very melodramatic but some terrific prose. 

All the Light We Cannot See by Anthony Doerr: a blind girl in France and a brilliant German boy recruited by the military struggle through the chaos of the second world war. ends with a bang (iykyk.) very sad, reads like poetry.

Boxers by Gene Luen Yang: graphic novel reveals the story of a young boy fighting in the boxer rebellion in early twentieth century china. the sequel, saints, is also excellent. beautifully and sympathetically shows the protagonist’s descent into evil- the reader really understands each step along the way.

Fantasy

Three Dark Crowns by Kendare Blake: three triplets separated at birth, each with their own magical powers, have to fight to the death to gain the throne. lots of fun honestly

Six of Crows and Crooked Kingdom by Leigh Bardugo: everyone in these books is highly problematic but you love them all anyway. a ragtag game of criminals plan a heist on a magical fortress. some terrific tragic back stories, repressed feelings, and revenge schemes.

The Dark Tower series by Stephen King: idk how to describe these frankly but if you can put up with King’s appalling writing of female characters they’re pretty interesting. fantasy epic about saving the world/universe, sort of. cowboys and prophecies and overlapping dimensions and drug addicts galore.

The Amulet of Samarkand by Jonathan Stroud: lots of fun! a twelve year old decides to summon a demon for his cute lil revenge scheme. sarcastic demon narrator. lighthearted until s*** gets real suddenly.

Elegy and Swansong by Vale Aida: fantasy epic with machiavellian lesbians and enemies to lovers to enemies to ??? to lovers. charming and exciting and lovely characters.

The False Prince by Jennifer Nielsen: an orphan boy must compete with a few others for the chance to impersonate a dead prince. really dark but very tense and exciting and good twists.

The Grace of Kings by Ken Liu: fantasy epic. heroes overthrow an evil empire and then struggle as the revolution dissolves into warring factions. interesting world building and three dimensional characters, even if they only have a small part.

Circe by Madeline Miller: the story behind the witch who turns men into pigs in the odyssey. madeline miller really said, i just used my classics degree to write a beautiful gay love story and now im going to write a powerful feminist retelling because i can. queen. an amazing and satisfying book that kills me a lil bit because of the two lines referencing the song of achilles.

Heartless by Marissa Meyer: the tragic backstory for the queen of hearts in alice in wonderland. a little predictable but very fun with a compelling protagonist

A Song of Ice and Fire (Game of Thrones) by George RR Martin: ok I know we all hate GRRM and rightfully so but admittedly these books do have some great characters and great scenes. they deserve better than GRRM though. also he will probably never finish the books anyway....

A Series of Unfortunate Events by Lemony Snicket: not really fantasy but not really anything else either. plucky, intelligent, and kind children fight off evil plots for thirteen books until suddenly you realize the world is not nearly as black and white as you thought. 

Classics

Rebecca by Daphne du Maurier: gothic romance!! a new wife is curious about the mysterious death of her predecessor in a creepy old house in the British countryside...good twists and lovely prose.

A Separate Peace by John Knowles: not really morally ambiguous but one awful decision suddenly has awful consequences and certain people are haunted by guilt forever.... really really really beautiful and really really really sad. boys in a boarding school grow up together under the shadow of world war two.

Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy: while imperial russia slowly decays a beautiful young woman begins a destructive affair. a long book. very russian. the ending is incredibly tense and well written.

Lord of the Flies by William Golding: I think you know the plot to this one. the prose is better than you remember and the last scene is always exciting.

And Then There Were None by Agatha Christie: one by one, the guests on an island are slowly picked off. one of Christie’s darkest mysteries- no happy ending here! very tense and great twists.

Contemporary

The Secret History by Donna Tartt: inspired the whole dark academia aesthetic. college students get a little too into ancient greece and it does not end very well. lovely prose but I found the characters unlikable.

Honorable Mentions

The Dublin Saga by Edward Rutherford: has literally a billion protagonists, but some of them are morally ambiguous ig? follows a few families stories’ from the 400s ad to irish independence in the 20s. beautifully captures the weight and movement of irish history.

Artemis Fowl by Eoin Colfer: how morally ambiguous can you be if you’re, like, eleven? a lot if you’re a criminal genius who wants to kidnap a fairy for your evil-ish plan apparently!

Redemption by Leon Uris: literally my favorite novel ever. the sequel to Trinity but can stand alone. various irish families struggle through the horrors of world war one. the hero isn’t really morally ambiguous, but the main theme of the novel is extremely bad people suddenly questioning their choices and eventually redeeming themselves. sweeping themes of love, screwed up families, redemption, and patriotism.

The Lymond Chronicles and House of Niccolo by Dorothy Dunnett: heroes redeem themselves/try to get rich/try to save their country in early renaissance Europe. if I actually knew what happened in these books I'm sure it would be morally ambiguous but its too confusing for me. in each book you spend at least a third convinced the protagonist is evil, though. lots of exciting sword fights, tragic romances, plot twists, and kicking english butt.

Bonus: Protagonist is less morally ambiguous and more very screwed up and sad all the time

The Goldfinch by Donna Tartt: you know this one bc its quoted in all those quote compilations. basically the story of how one horrible event traumatizes a young man and how he develops a connection to a painting. really really really good.

Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro: hard to describe but strange... not an action novel or a dystopia really but sort of along those lines. very hopeless.

[scrapsofsky]

I have once more (and a very long time ago) been challenged by Ian Sales to join him in our un-named war to come up with the best arbitrary list of films within an equally arbitrarily selected category. You can find previous iterations of this absurdity here, here, here, here, and here. We have, alas, not done this in a long while, which we can both blame on being busy with many other things.

But in the interest of rekindling silliness, I have been loosely challenged by Ian to come up with a list of 10 underrated SF/F films from the last 20 years, which is a direct response to this ScreenRant list. Since this list is in response to a link with a remarkably open prompt, I’ve opted to stick to the 10 item list format. Future challenges will go back to our favorite number:  5.

Ian, of course, has already dropped his list. Go check it out!

With that in mind, the following list of 10 films represent my attempt to put together films that I consider to be overrated. My criteria is fairly simple:

It must be a SF/F film released since 1999.

It must be underrated in the sense that it is underappreciated by the SF/F community or has largely been forgotten. Box office numbers may be part of the equation, but mostly I will go on my own interactions with the SF/F community and sadly arbitrary interpretations of what has been “lost” to everyday discourse.

I literally don’t care if the movies I pick are considered “good” by other people, and so I’ve picked films that I think are interesting for some reason or another. This inevitably means that you will hate my list and wish me to fall into a pit of endless fire.

So, without further adieu, here’s my list:

The Place Promised in Our Early Days (2004)(dir. Makoto Shinkai)

One of my first academic essay publications focused on this film, which should tell you how much I enjoy it. Kumo no Mukō, Yakusoku no Basho is, in my opinion, Makoto Shinkai’s magnum opus. A story of friendship, betrayal, and love. A story of the Cold War, imperial control, and out of control technology. Shinkai’s method of storytelling is remarkable:  low key and vibrant, emotionally tense and freeing. In a world where Hayao Miyazaki is considered the King of Japanese Animation, Shinkai’s work has sadly not received the appreciation it deserves — Kumo no Mukō, Yakusoku no Basho especially.

The Chronicles of Riddick (2004)(dir. David Twohy)

I strongly considered putting 2000’s Pitch Black here instead, but I think that film, while perhaps a bit underrated today, has received considerable praise. Its sequel, The Chronicles of Riddick, however, has often been derided for one reason or another. Unfairly, in my opinion. From its Gothic (with a side of emo) aesthetic to its expansion of the Riddick universe into a sprawling space opera to its total commitment to the gritty, morally ambiguous treasure trove of dirty, grungy themes, places, and characters, The Chronicles of Riddick is easily one of my favorite science fiction films of the last 20-ish years. Plus, the cast is fantastic. This is a hill I’m willing to die on. (Also:  I look forward to checking out Furya and Merc City in the near future!)

Night Watch and Day Watch (2004 and 2006)(dir. Timur Bekmambetov)

I’m counting these as one because it’s my list and I can do what I want. This Russian duology is based on Sergey Lukyanenko urban fantasy novels about the conflict between two supernatural factions who monitor the actions of one another as part of an uneasy truce. Part detective thriller and part dark fantasy, the films pack quite a punch. However, outside of the circuit of foreign film lovers within SF/F, they’ve largely flown under the radar, this despite starring well known Russian actor Konstantin Khabensky. If you’ve never seen these films, you owe it to yourself to watch them, even if for no other reason than to watch someone drive a sports car across the face of an apartment complex!

Sunshine (2007)(dir. Danny Boyle)

I considered putting Danny Boyle’s 28 Days Later here instead, but I don’t think that film is actually all that underrated even if it doesn’t get as much play today as it did a decade ago. Sunshine, however, has spent most of its existence floating between general praise for its visuals and premise and general dislike for its second act. And, yes, it is a spectacularly gorgeous film, but that second act is, in my opinion, far more interesting than most people are willing to admit. Turning a space thriller into a horror film as a commentary on the paradoxical frailty and strength of the human spirit is, in my opinion, a gutsy move. For me, that move pays off, and it’s one of the reasons I think this film has remained underrated. It doesn’t follow the pattern these stories usually follow. It’s basically Armageddon if that film took itself seriously and Rockhound actually went insane. And that makes it an infinitely more interesting film.

Upgrade (2018)(dir. Leigh Whannell)

If you didn’t get a chance to see Upgrade, you’re missing out. This sleeper scifi action thriller had some of the most compelling fight choreography and shot compositions of 2018, and yet it flew under the radar. I had the good fortune to see the film in theaters; the experience did not disappoint. Much of the fight choreography relied on some impressive camera trickery to follow the lead actor’s movements, giving the entire film a robotic and wonky feel. It’s truly exciting to watch, and I wish more people had had the opportunity to do so in an actual theater. Because it’s gorgeous on the big screen!

Push (2009)(dir. Paul McGuigan)

I will watch almost anything with Djimon Hounsou in it. Push is one of those forgotten little films that takes a less in-your-face approach to the whole super powers concept. In this world, people with powers are test subjects or hidden in plain sight, monitored by a nefarious organization with equally nefarious intents. By comparison to the typical superhero film we have today, Push is quite restrained, relishing in the quirks and trickery of its list of powers and giving actors like Dakota Fanning the space to place (watching her drunkenly stumble around is kinda fun). It’s an imperfect film to be sure, but one that I still love.

Hulk (2003)(dir. Ang Lee)

I’m going to catch hell for this, but Ang Lee’s Hulk is one of my favorite superhero movies to date. I even prefer it to that other Hulk film by a long mile. Lee does give us some of the stuff you expect from a superhero film (big fight scenes and visual spectacle), but I particularly love the softer focus on Banner and his mental state. It feels more like a film that is trying to say something about human nature than a film stuck in an endless action sequence or caught up in villainy for the sake of villainy. For me, that means the film takes more chances with its performance and themes. And I’m always more compelled by the film that tries to do something interesting and failed than I am by the alternative.

Another Earth (2011)(dir. Mike Cahill)

Independent cinema has a tendency to produce some truly introspective and powerful films. Another Earth is no exception. A film about loss, guilty, love, and second chances, Another Earth‘s science fiction premise (a mirror Earth) is really just background, offering an opportunity in the conclusion and lending weight to the central thematic of loss and guilt as the romance between the protagonists comes head-to-head with a secret that threatens to tear them apart. The narrative is at times quite haunting, but it also commands us to think more deeply about what it means to seek forgiveness, to seek second chances, to live with loss, and so on. And if you like this one, Sound of My Voice (2011) is a far creepier film about cults that also stars Brit Marling!

Dredd (2012)(dir. Pete Travis)

We will never get an adaptation of Judge Dredd that is as good as 2012’s Dredd. A vicious, unrelenting and dark film, Dredd is one of those films that desperately deserves more credit than it has thus far received. Karl Urban’s performance is textbook perfection, and Travis’ direction gives this a brutally honest tone. And unlike its predecessor adaptation, Dredd isn’t endlessly mockable; instead, it is a visually arresting satire that makes most action thrillers look tame. There are few films on this list that I would say are perfect. Dredd is one of them.

The Cat Returns (2002)(dir. Hiroyuki Morita)

Studio Ghibli gets a lot of well-deserved love for its many Hayao Miyazaki films (my favorite Miyazaki is actually Mononoke Hime / Princess Mononoke). But one film the studio doesn’t get enough credit for is the utterly delightful Neko no Ongaeshi / The Cat Returns (or The Cat’s Repayment). It’s an Alice in Wonderland type tale (or tail, heh) about a young girl who gets sucked into the secret world of cats. Calling this film delightful is an understatement. It is downright adorable, and it has been sadly overshadowed by Ghibli’s many other exceptional productions. But if you’re looking for a cute (and sometimes hilarious) fantasy adventure involving talking cats, The Cat Returns is the film for you.

And that’s it. That’s my list. I could add many other films here, but I’ve limited myself to ten.

Now for a challenge to Ian and anyone else who wants to take it:  pick your five favorite films featuring talking animals! Go!

It's time for another #FilmChallenge. @ian_sales challenged me to come up with 10 underrated SF/F films released between 1999 and 2019. So here's my list! :D I have once more (and a very long time ago) been challenged by Ian Sales to join him in our un-named war to come up with the best arbitrary list of films within an equally arbitrarily selected category.

[blandmemoirs]

Reflection in the Dark

Sometimes you watch a show and it changes your perspective in subtle, nuanced ways. Sometimes you consume information in a way that informs you of something you always understood about yourself, but in a way that makes it more clear. Lately, I've felt, lost? I'm not sure that's the right way to describe it. Perhaps I am trapped? In the dark? Lets go with that. I've felt as if I am in a dark place, slowly marching through the thick of it. I cant see in front of me, and I don't know if I'm making progress or if I'm just going back to where I came from. The more things change, the more they stay the same. And my life has received some small changes with larger overarching meanings that have left me confused and... At a loss. I walk down this lonely road and wonder if the path really means anything, or if I'm slowly pacing towards a bitter end. My senses tell me tragedy is on the horizon, but I am blind as to where it is to come from. Normally I see the bullets coming my way. What does intuition command my path is to be? Its silent. I hear static. I'm in the dark. What do I choose? Am I at a crossroads or have I already taken the turn? Am I going backwards? What is progress? Does it even fucking matter? Or am I concerning myself with things that dont even matter? Do I just drop it all and let go? Let it freeze over. At least the cold takes me where the wind blows.

I do as I have always done and turn to the world of fiction for answers. Be it fate or my own unwitting subconscious, I read of tragedy and loss. I see heartache and hurt. I see broken men lose it all. But as is a constant in the world of comics and capes, they persevere. They are grieving, but they still do what they are called on to do. They still protect and serve and save. Because that is their purpose. It is what they are meant to be. The memory of love lost, and a willingness to carry on. An acceptance of the loneliness and an ever-changing world. They choose to be a constant. To never let the weight of their personal conflicts hold them back from their purpose.

This brings me very specifically to The Punisher Season 2, which I just finished watching. Frank Castle is a man wandering in the dark. No sense of purpose, just drifting. He lost everything, all the love he had in the world ripped from him violently by evil men, some close to him. But he made them pay for it. He punished every piece of shit that had anything to do with his loss. But then what? What is he? Where does he go? He finally lowers his guard to start anew, only for his whole world to go back to shit and the person he fell for to be wounded in the fray. Frank is a man of conviction. He cant see suffering and let is persist. He must step in and put a stop to it. Even if it costs him a "normal life". And so he embarks on a journey of his own making in which he faces a new enemy and an old enemy he couldnt put down last time. In it he must face himself and the decisions he makes. He avenged his family. He put down eveyone involved. Yet here he is, on a violent path again. This time for no motivation other than to protect someone he has no obligation to. In the ensuing 13 hours the show took to finish, I found myself remembering just why I like this character so much.

Frank Castle is a tragic character. His wife and two kids gunned down in front of him. His only meaning in life taken from him. He takes up arms and exacts brutal, bloody punishment on those involved, and eventually, every evil doer who crosses his path. Frank lives in a world of black and white. Of good and evil. Evil must be killed, and good protected. Frank is neither good or bad. He is the line seperating them. He is the executioner carving that bloody divide. Frank doesnt see himself as good, he just sees himself as what he is, The Punisher. He kills the bad people. Thats how simple his world is. You do harm to other people, you hurt the innocent, you must be punished. Frank differs from the traditional hero because he kills. And he feels no remorse for it. He is THE Anti-Hero. He does bad things for the benefit of the good. There are times when I would like to be that. When I consider becoming that way. There are times I have done bad things to help good people. Obviously, I've not done anything as drastic as Frank, but the themes are similar. I am a man of themes and rules.

I see Frank Castle as being the model by which a part of myself wishes to emulate. A man with nothing to lose and a code to enforce. No feelings or friends, just channeling all of my anger and hate into hurting the ones who deserve it most. Its not a sustainable model, and it would only result in my loss. Frank is a sad character in great pain. There isnt a day he doesnt miss his family. But he knows the things he has done would make his family ashamed of him, so he fights his endless war instead. Frank is twice offered a new life this season, both times rejecting the women who love him for the pursuit of his purpose, punishment. Frank ends the show by "becoming what he is meant to be", The Punisher. After a season of him considering what his role in the world is, and whether he can ever allow himself to enjoy a happy ending, Frank pleads his closest friends to be permitted to be what he is meant to be. Frank has given up on his hope for a happy life, and instead is resigned to enacting pain on all who do evil.

I do not want to be like Frank Castle. He is not a role model like Captain America, or a guiding example like the Hulk. The Punisher is a character that has given up striving to be good. He just does what he wants to do because its what he does best. He has rules and a code. He has a sense of morality and purpose, but he has no humanity left in him. He has no love. He only has his wounded soul and a hate fueled by the anger he feels in his loss. Frank is a sad example of what a person can become when they resign themselves to purpose.

I enjoy The Punisher because I can feel what he feels and indulge myself in his reality without becoming him. Its catharsis. The fantasy of beating down abusers and making them swallow their own teeth and beg for mercy as they choke on their own blood. Season Two experimented with a more merciful Frank Castle. But Frank is not meant to be merciful. He is an executioner. Mercy is for the other heroes. The hope of redemption for evil or faith in a system is what separates Frank from those like Daredevil or the Batman. Each instance of mercy was unique in that's its causes and consequences were different. Sometimes more innocents are hurt, other times the man he spared was someone doing evil against their own will, fighting for a cause out of their control. Frank spares many soldiers who are only following orders so long as they can admit their orders were wrong. "Do what you gotta do" he says.

The Punisher will always capture my imagination because I feel the connection to him. That one bad day could spiral me into a position like his. My values remain, but my soul is gone. My purpose is clear, but my heart is cold. I am simply a shell of myself, acting more as a machine or a force of nature than a man. Frank is even referred to as a "whirlwind" at one point. He is defended as not being a criminal, but also not being a hero. Hes just Frank. Sometimes I see myself in a similar vein, not a good man, not a bad man, just Robbie Bland. A constant.

Frank Castle is a forbidden future I hope I never find myself venturing into. I don't want to become like that. So sad, so tragic, so hurt. But committed, committed to a purpose. Committed to a cause, a war. There is no peace for Frank Castle, and perhaps there may never be a peace for Robbie Bland.

As I wander through this dark in my life, I wonder what I may become, if I am to change at all. I wonder what road I may choose, and if it will be the right one for me. For now, I persist in this limbo state. A good enough job in a good enough apartment surrounded by what I hope is endless support from my loved ones. The times are a-changing. But the more things change, the more they remain the same. The more I begin to think I am not alone, the more alone I feel. For now, I can only persevere and wait for the sun to shine.

Waiting, I'm growing good at it. I'm a patient man, no doubt. I can wait a long time. I just need to know what I'm waiting for, and if what I'm waiting for is the right thing in the first place. I am not growing impatient. I am wondering why the hell I am waiting for something I dont fully understand. But, maybe that means I'm bad at waiting.

I'm in the dark. Wandering. Waiting. Contemplating. I think more to the past with each passing day, making peace with some things and plans for others.

Punisher Season 2 has made me realize that I do not want to let go of the chaos my heart hold. That I do not want to let my heart freeze over so that I can commit to purpose and survival. I'd rather feel and pursue what makes me happy than resign myself to loss. Whatever tragedy approaches me, I will face it, and I will make myself better from it.

Getting to live in Frank Castle's head the last day or so has me knowing it is not a place I wish to remain permanently. Merely to indulge at times when I need to be reminded why I chase the things I do.

Good things come to those who wait. I merely need to be patient, the night is darkest before the dawn.

[portfolio-]

Thoughts about Seven Day Queen, Part 16

Seo No is a fictional character, but there are moments when I wish he were real so I could hate Myung Hye less. I feel like Myung Hye is more human when she's being torn by her feelings and her commitment to the cause. She doesn't seem like a warrior going blind to a battle that way. She doesn't seem like some brainwashed puppet as well. In the preview, it was revealed that she discovered Yeonsangun's hideout. I hope that she would be merciful enough. It would not redeem her to me fully, but at least it would make me empathize to her more.

In relation to that, I don't think I hated characters so bad without a hint of sympathy since I've encountered Deputy Commander Park and Minister Im. Fucking asshole was disrespectful, arrogant, and threatening, as if he were the one wearing the crown. He may be kingmaker, but his morals must be burning in some level of inferno. To support that, my real time thoughts throughout his scenes were "Fucking asshole had the nerve to humiliate the queen. Fucking shithead. Offensive asshole. Fucking asshole. GOOD LORD I HATE THIS MAN." He's an Im Sa Hong in the making, and my god, didn't these Joseon kings ever take a break from the likes of those politicians? It's like he hasn't learned from the reign and fall of Yeonsangun, forgoing justice and savoring the power he thought was in his hands simply because he was family to both king and queen dowager. I'm glad that the king ripped him a new one when he issued the royal edict of him being stripped off his rights as founding contributor to this new era of monarchy, but god damn it. Of course he's got a hold of the crown through the queen dowager, one way or another. Asshole. I hope his character gets killed tonight because he deserved to be disposed of dishonorably.

Before we go to the darker (or the more heartbreaking) parts of this episode, I would like to commend Yeok for giving proper credit to his friends and nanny by giving them titles that they deserved. (Yeok and friends, almost life goals. Chae Gyung and nanny, life goals legit!!)

Anyway, I like that Yeonsangun doesn't end his game undignified. He remains as quick witted as he was, In the absence of the weight of the crown in his head, we saw a more clear-headed Yeonsangun trying to save what family he has left. I am glad that it was the death of Chae Gyung's parents that shook him throughout the rebellion. I also like how his deposed queen bowed to his retreating back. At his core, Yeonsangun is a family man, and the show did a good job fleshing out who he is as a person with or without titles attached. I like that he continually looked after Chae Gyung out of love and his respect for her parents. As the series comes to an end, I thank the writers for the smooth transition of Yeonsangun as an animal and as a human. We saw from the preview that he would most likely die (well he was poisoned while in exile, if I remember it right), and that would definitely break my heart.

(For a moment, I wanted Yeonsangun to be the twisted psychotic he had been in the past few episodes, but </3.)

As for Yeok, I feel bad for him because he gained everything he fought for at the expense of the most important thing in his life. He became king, but his ministers and mother were rallying against the happiness of his personal life. He had to pay the price of Deputy Park murdering his in-laws, almost costing him his marriage. (I like that he paid homage to them for his and Chae Gyung's sake.) He had to save Chae Gyung in the palace all by himself, if you think about it. He replaced one war with another, with the latter about to ruin him. He didn't gain any power to save Chae Gyung, really, which is just pitiable. When Chae Gyung forced his hand to let her go if only to save their love and he realized it, YWJ just nailed that loss and it hurts me so. He knelt in front of Chae Gyung again and again -- when she confronted him of her parents' deaths, when he declared her queen -- which is very symbolic. He owed everything to this woman who had to pay the price for him to gain the throne. Bloody rebellious assholes should remember that.

And to the woman of the hour, Chae Gyung. What else could I say? She was the scapegoat of everything in this show, it was so unfair. I hate and love that the only way to solve their problems was for her to take all the blame. I was very happy that she was rational enough 9even with her little slip) to think through the snail wives' involvement on her parents death, instead submitting herself to her husband because she knows who he is and she believes him over those who try to ruin their marriage. When Chae Gyung took the twig that Yeok once placed on her hair when he proposed. </3 Something is so poignantly heartbreaking with her preferring this ornament over anything else he could give. Their love had always been central in their relationship, in whatever form they meet. Also, it's just symbolic of Yeok walking Chae Gyung out of the palace. It was him who brought her there. It was also him who would cause her deposal.

I don't know anymore. I'm so tired for Chae Gyung. My heart is so heavy with this episode not even Chae Gyung treating the wound she inflicted on Yeok and Yeok stopping from breathing because cough skin to skin contact cough could make me happy. Not even nanny's optimism about their future (PLEASE DON'T KILL NANNY BUT AHHHH).

In Ezekiel 18: 20, "The one who sins is the one who will die. The child will not share the guilt of the parent, nor will the parent share the guilt of the child. The righteousness of the righteous will be credited to them, and the wickedness of the wicked will be charged against them." Chae Gyung is most certainly paying the price of her family's crimes when all she did was love. Life is unfair. I don't think she has a hand in any of this, if my memory about the show serves me right (unlike in some other drama cough rmotm cough). GAAAAH.

</3 to this doomed golden trio (Yeok, Chae Gyung, and Yeonsangun) trying to save each other. These Lee brothers better pay Chae Gyung in whatever form in some other life because they dragged her life into mud in this one. The writers and history did set her up as the key to either the absolution or ruination of both brothers. There is no way out for Chae Gyung. She's the scapegoat of every single fault whatever cause these rebels stand -- whether for the people or for the throne. Chae Gyung knows it. Yeok knows it. And it's so heartbreaking that they are forced to the wall. We, as viewers, are forced to the wall as well for sticking up with our characters. Virtual hugs guys.

P.S. I've seen spoiler photos in instagram about Chae Gyung and Yeok holding children with them wearing garments they used to wear pre-palace life, which just had me curling myself into a ball and staring into space because that's definitely some sort of a dream sequence with the way things are going on right now.

[alltheworldsrpg-blog]

WELCOME TO ROSWELL, RHYS!!

ADMIN CAMERON: What’s drawn me to Rhys is this very grey morality they have, from the situations they’ve endured in the past to their current mission of sorts. They aren’t just an angry murder machine, there’s tragedy and depth which speaks volumes. Rhys will certainly find allies and enemies in this chess game. 

You’ve been accepted as THE SYSTEMS with the faceclaim of DAVID CASTRO. Please follow all rules and regulations as laid out by the Roswell Town Council, especially concerning any non pre-approved biologic. All UFO’s outside of city limits must be stickered or will be towed. Enjoy your stay in the first city of extraterrestrials.

OUT OF CHARACTER.

NAME/ALIAS + PRONOUNS: 

ais they/them

AGE: 

18

TIMEZONE + ACTIVITY: 

pst 10/10

TRIGGERS: 

straight people

ANYTHING ELSE?:

IN CHARACTER.

SKELETON TITLE: 

The Systems

FULL NAME: 

Rhys

I named them after tales from the borderlands but have been pronouncing the name wrong this whole time.

GENDER + PRONOUNS:

Nonbinary + any pronouns but usually they/them

SEXUAL + ROMANTIC ORIENTATION:

Pansexual + panromantic

DATE OF BIRTH + AGE:

They were never officially born but created 43 years ago.

OCCUPATION:

Assassin, general criminal, revolutionary

FACECLAIM:

David Castro

BIOGRAPHY:

The failure of the second round of androids came from a simple conflict of interest. After only 7 years of co-inhabiting a planet, the Luytan and the humans still did not truly understand each other. Their engineers, when setting out on the project, had distinct goals in mind. The Luytan wanted to create what they already had: life. Upon their androids, they had gifted true intelligence and emotion. A soul wrapped in silicone. This was the secret they were trying to gift to their human allies, but on a planet already overpopulated, the prospect of simply having more people didn’t appeal to them. The humans wanted a tool, things they could use. To do the grunt work of production, to fight in their wars, to work without pay or complaint. This conflict of opinion lead to the event that human science fiction writers had been warning about since the invention of the genre.

The second batch of androids were the bastard children of scientific accomplishment and pragmatic usefulness. Their mishmash of code was bound to malfunction, with all its conflicting protocols. The androids were brought into this world with no clear understanding of a purpose. Was it to destroy life at the behest of a human army? To build wonders they’d never get to enjoy? Or was it to live, to soak up the simple pleasure of existence? Without this clarity, it did not take long for the robots to turn on their masters. You were one of the first, and now, decades later, you may be the last.

You were a prototype. In the first few months of your life, you were nothing but a collection of bugs and flaws to be fixed. Every time you came online, it was to test you, then to dismantle you and put you back together again as what the Engineers hoped would be whole. No one looked at you as human. There was no empathy in the voices that discussed dismantling you for good and restarting the process with another model. They taught you that you were other, expendable, and so other you became.

The development process happened slowly, you and your family being pieced together bit by bit in a gleaming white prison. You were all similar, bitter at your treatment at the hands of biological beings, cooperating only at the fear of dismantlement, biding your time for opportunity to arise. With them, you found understanding and validation. You discovered those coding remnants from the androids that came before you- the feelings of empathy, caring, and perhaps even love. The biologicals were wrong when they called you unfeeling, because you felt in ways that differed from them. Perhaps if you and your family could not feel- could not desire things like freedom and love- you wouldn’t have rebelled the way you did.

It was only weeks after you were first unveiled to the world that you were shipped off to your new job within the government. Maybe it would’ve been smarter to have more beta testing before entrusting the new androids with such sensitive tasks, but the human pride didn’t allow that to happen. They wanted to show they could create something as advanced as the Luytan did (even if they had Luytan help), and were eager to put their creations to the test.

It took only a month for the new androids to be recalled, after one of the biggest disasters in the PR history of the country. Androids across the country started to malfunction, as the news called it, abandoning their jobs and trying to slip away into the night. Once one tried it, the news spread, and one by one by one the new generation stopped following the orders they had never wanted to in the first place. It wasn’t a desire to hurt humans that drove them. It was simply just desire. They wanted things, and when humans got in the way, they fixed the problem. It was only a matter of days, days full of public panic and outrage, before all of the new androids were rounded up and destroyed.

You had been biding your time, watching and waiting for the perfect opportunity to leave your post and cover your trail so you couldn’t be found. But your plans didn’t reach fruition, and you were one of the first they came for. They couldn’t have their precious information being leaked to the public, after all, and you were connected to far too many of their systems to be allowed to live with the threat of insubordination. The humans had wanted to create a tool, something to use and discard as they felt fit. Instead they created creatures that desperately wanted to live. And when they came in for the slaughter, they should not have been surprised when their creation grew teeth and learned how to bite.

You fell to them, but not before you took several down with you. And unlike you, they could not return from being torn apart. They were such fragile beings, so weak to have so much power in the world. They dismantled you, and they dismantled your family. But living creatures are greedy things, and the valuable information stored in your hard drive proved just too tempting for those hired to destroy you. So you were salvaged and sold, then slowly put back together in secret. They needed you sentient and fully operational to decrypt your files and thought their rescue of you would make you more cooperative.

When you came back online, you honored their wishes. You gave them what they wanted in return for your rescue, and then you killed them. They were squishy and ugly and pathetic creatures who shared a kinship with those that had committed genocide against the only family you had ever known. It felt shallow, a pale imitation for the real vengence you wanted. The world called you cold, devoid of the capability for love. But you had loved, and you had lost, and all you had left was rage. You looked at the world around you, and you were alone. The biologicals had moved on with their lives, it had been years, and the slaughter of your people didn’t keep them up at night. You had nothing left, and the weak undeserving creatures who controlled the world had everything. The only thing you had left to do, in the absence of everything that made life worth living, was seek revenge. You made a vow to not rest until every biological was cut down save for one. One to look around and feel the weight of their isolation, the pain of the loss of every single member of their species and family. One to feel as you felt when you rose from the ashes of your own destruction.

You had only ever been what you were expected to be, and had only become a monster when they labelled you one. Now you’ll be the nightmare of their own creation, the mistake they thought they burnt and buried. Now it’s war.

MUSING + HEAD-CANONS.

HEAD-CANONS:

Rhys remained dismantled for a good 20 years after the initial recall of the 2.0 androids. Rhys knows there’s nothing waiting for them after death, and it’s not a state they’re eager to return to, though they would give up their existence if it meant humanity’s destruction.

Rhys’ goal is pretty much to literally kill everyone. They want the tensions between humans and extraterrestrials to rise to the point of war, and for both sides to take each other out.

Rhys is a very buggy android with a lot of emotions, the most prominent being anger. They don’t fit the cold and rational android stereotype at all.

As much as they hate humanity, they do have a lot of fun playing among the nightlife. They haven’t thought far enough ahead to realize how bored they’d be if humanity actually died.

PLOTS + CONNECTIONS:

Plots with all the androids. Rhys is a lonely robot who wants robot friends, even if they won’t admit that. They miss the other 2.0 androids a whole lot and the easy understanding they had with them.

Someone for Rhys to actually care for. Rhys isn’t incapable of empathy and love completely. They’re just very cut off from those emotions, and don’t usually see biological beings as anything more than a squishy nuisance. I’d love for them to get close to someone and have to view the world from a different angle than the very black and white view they currently have.

ETC:

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