#I just couldn't find the source of this post cause i'm shit with new tumblr

[burnxngslash]

The mood might have taken a dive, probably his fault. If anything he wishes that he’s easy to talk about his feelings. It wasn’t as if he was against the concept of ‘guys opening up’, it was mostly because he didn’t know how to. When something or someone enrages him, then he’d know how to react accordingly, whether it be by violence or through vocabulary. Feelings of anger were extremely easy for him to express considering the things he’s been through.

But, feelings beyond that was..well it’s definitely something he needed to work on, however, thankfully Haru shifted the conversation elsewhere. Though one day he will dig deep and figure out just WHY he looks the way he does along with his choice of weaponry within the metaverse, but for now he was more than happy to give her advice. 

“Squats are your friends when it comes to leg strength, I’d argue and say walking up a flight of stairs would be good for you too. Whenever you’re home and if you’ve got some time try to do some squats but be sure the latest you do them is at least two hours before you fall asleep. It’s always best to not to work-out and then stop just before a nap or the sleep for the night.”

scarlxtleaves​:

As he continues his stretching, swinging to rotating his upperbody horizontally from left to right. “Hmmm that’s a good question..I just figured it looked cool. Though the reason was deeper than that, however it was not something he quite understood himself. He’s always felt the need to protect but he’s always been small. At the time too small to protect his mother from his father (whenever the man would send bad letters during his childhood, hell to small in society’s view to do anything that would end up putting positive changes in his friend’s lives.

So he felt something big like a shotgun would help him compensate for that small feeling. It would make him seem better towards punks that threaten his friends. But of course, right now his heart had been subconsciously closed off to such feelings that he figured it might have been all about aesthetics. “Haha sorry, I wished I really had a better reason like that…I just..don’t know how to put it into words.” 

His arms were crossed over his chest now as he stopped stretching. It was pretty obvious that he really tried to figure out the reason of his shotgun. Hell, even the outfit was something that derived from that feeling of helplessness. Those biker gang delinquents said ‘eff it’ to all the rules and were proud of who they are, Ryuji wanted that mantle of anarchy but for the meek.

“Hm… well, I suppose it’s a good enough reason. It’s okay, the words might come to you, eventually. I was only curious, so please don’t feel pressured to answer.” He looked like he had a deep, personal reason, but she wasn’t one to delve into other’s personal affairs without their permission. Regardless, his shotgun was nice to look at in the Metaverse whenever they fought side by side, if Joker chose her to be on his team.

Not wanting to make him uncomfortable or to think too hard, she decided to move on and continue her own exercises, including her legs as well by lifting one up, although it was quite difficult to maintain her balance. She wasn’t as nimble as him, however, that’s exactly why she admired Ryuji’s vigor and will to keep going strong, not letting anything break his stride.

“Let’s… talk about working out instead, okay? What else can you show me? Is there any way I can make my legs stronger as well, besides jogging?” The more she knew, the better.

[luveline]

i've been going through a really similar experience with my own writing, so i really empathise with the way you're feeling. it fucking sucks. especially because (for me, at least) people being supportive about it almost makes you feel worse (and then in turn feeling bad about people being nice makes you feel EVEN worse, like what a vicious fucking cycle). like, i know they're being so genuinely kind but it fundamentally clashes with whatever's going on in my brain so it's easy to disregard or see it as disingenuous or overly optimistic (like, i don't feel talented. i don't feel like a particularly noteworthy writer. so i'll just smile and say thank you and then go back to feeling like shit and obsessing over the negative comments)

ANYWAY what really spoke to me was the way you said even thinking about your blog, or a character that caused anon hate, or any of it inspires dread. i feel that way too. i went m.i.a. from tumblr for a solid few weeks because of it, and even then i couldn't stop thinking about it and feeling awful. like my heart would race when i thought about opening the app or reblogging something or ANYTHING

also, the feeling that you're betraying yourself (blegh corny) is so fucking real. like you're giving up on something you've put so much time and effort and thought into (and that people keep telling you means a lot to them, too) just because someone maybe said or did something not so nice to you. it feels like shit. like you're weak for getting upset over something (that, to be fair, most people would be upset over) because none of this is meant to be that serious

i don't know if this is helpful in the slightest (especially because it's kind of just me talking at you about something you already understand and experience) but i want you to know that you speaking about how you're feeling made me feel seen because it's so similar to how i'm feeling. it's like, the things that used to be fun on here aren't anymore because you have to exist in a intensely self aware space where you overanalyse everything you do/say and feel at least a little nervous every time you get a notification or some interaction, even if (proportionately) the odds are it's something very supportive

(no pressure to answer this, i just felt like letting you know that what you're going through isn't a personal failing... or if it is then we are personally failing together lol)

no really I'm gonna kiss you on the mouth cause god am I I sorry you're going through this but christ I am fucking relieved 😭😭 I'm so sorry for being relieved

I KNOW it's tacky, it will always be tacky, but every time someone says to me "You're a good writer" I have that moment (which changes in length depending) where Im just thinking no I'm not. I don't like to make other people feel bad or awkward and I know the right thing to do is say thank you, but when you don't believe what the other person is saying, the thank you doesn't feel as genuine as they deserve and then you hate yourself for hating yourself

The dread thing, I'm so glad to know you know how that feels, but so sorry too, but there's a big relief in knowing my brain hasn't individually pathologised a new strain of worrying. And the weight of self awareness. I think, besides fighting with yourself, there will always be people who want to misunderstand you. If you don't phrase something specifically and add disclaimers you worry later on that someone will emerge from the woodwork and neg about it because that's a thing people really do. And so, like you said, notifications stopped making me happy and started to make me worry instead. I turn my anonymous asks off after I make a personal post most of the time because I know from experience that someone will find error in what I've said and seek to correct me, and it's kind of the same for fic. I used to be really excited after posting a new chapter, now I turn off my phone 😭 Not saying this is the absolute 100% source of my dread, but it def doesn't help!

Thank you for letting me know angel. I don't know if anything that I've said in return has any merit, or even makes sense, or is useful to you, but I'm really grateful to know how you feel

[kustas]

I really like your breakdown on why you dislike fandom culture (that's putting it very very broadly but what I mean is the way that fandoms will ignore or alter things from the source material), but my question is what do you think causes this disregard for source material, individuals or the culture of fandom itself?

I'm really not sure, anon. Due to that dislike, I've not much engaged in fandom, and the ones I did engage in have either been brief experiences or ones much divorced from the fandom norm. I just...tend to talk about media with a few friends, post/share fan creations I like or made and bail. So the little I can think about it is...very limited. Don't take my word as wise.

I think it's a bit of both, but mostly down to the fandom culture, even if we have to be very cautious about it because what we see is NOT what a fan might think. When I criticize fandom folk, it's not them as people but the content they post and what they share online. There is a difference - because you cannot tell all a person thinks based on their online posts. As a simple example I've had some very insightful and interesting conversations about media with fellow fans who's online presence would lead you to believe they're just some random weeb character stan, when it turns out they have great insight on what they're into and just happen to not share it. Because most of my conversations are in private, no online presence will tell it to an onlooker. This is why I believe most comes down to the culture - because what we can tell is posts alone, not someone's whole thoughts, and fandom will encourage through engagement and shares more simple fun things with mass appeal. This is a broad generalization as you can absolutely find communities who seek out complex analysis and couldn't care less about character ships or whatever (and I have been part of some, it's not only hypothetical) but fandom on Tumblr and Twitter has mostly been about sharing nice pictures and fanfic and group giddy enjoyment of this. With a feedback loop of people having fun over fun things, it just encourages posting more, and that's what I believe drives fandom as a core thing, alongsides the feeling of belonging to a community.

But...I don't believe people as individuals aren't instigators of it either. A good example where I notice it: anyone following my blog for a long time has seen their fair share of me shitting down on shipping. That's because as a person I care very little to none about romance. And yet, it's popular, it was popular before internet existed, and romance as a genre written to make people gush about fictional pairings predates electricity if you ask me. It's clear that if it's so popular across this much time it's because it's something that motivates people! I just happen to be the odd one out.

Another thing that people enjoy and I bitch about from my grinch mountain is what I call the mass appeal. I've been pondering it regarding my future professional field in animation for the past year or so, and looking at all cinema too with that angle. People want different things from what they see, and from the media they consume, and contrary to what tumblr whines about time to time on my dash I don't think it's inherently tied to your morals to prefer media that makes you feel a certain way. I enjoy media that's new or fun, and as a result i love seeking out weird shit that's flashy and entertaining. Others might want to get their brains boiling, others might want to explore the ins and outs of a single genre. A lot of people just want more of what makes them happy, with the downsides of being quite conservative in what fields they'll explore, staying in a comfort zone of unoffending content. And that's what a lot of fandom is to me: by nitpicking what you don't like in a media, you can make it fit that niche you like, because you're here to be comfy and have safe fun and not anything else.

As a person I think it's a shame, and that not challenging yourself can have bad consequences, but I'm no one to judge, it's just my opinion. But given so many people live like this I do think that it's not very useful yelling about it because while that fandom culture part and the nature of posting online prop up content I don't appreciate much, it's like this because the majority enjoys it that way.

Hope that answers some of it 🏃