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statierogers · 7 years ago

Text

You know - Steve Rogers

Title: You know

Pairings: Steve Rogers x Reader

Summary: Steve is keeping secrets from the reader, trying to protect her. But (Y/N) is not having that. (btw: the reader has mind powers)

Words: 4267

Warnings: None

Genere: I don’t even know. Fluffy?

A/N: Something that was supposed to be short but I got waaaaay into it. I really love the reader's powers. Thinking about writing an imagine with a reader with powers like this and Bucky. wouldn’t that be interesting?

((AN 22.11.2021 - I have slightly rewritten this and changed the title, It was called “Stop Protecting me” before))

- Katie xx

My Masterlist

(Y/N) - Your Name

(Y/L/N) - Your last name

Your name: submit What is this?

°°°

The noise of (Y/N)'s steps on the floor were the only sound to be heard in the kitchen of the Avengers compound. It was unusually empty. She wasn't sure how that could happen. She just came back from a mission yesterday. So she may have let herself sleep until 10. Usually, her Teammates came in motion around 8 a.m. Tony would be somewhere in the lab. He probably even slept there. He tended to work into the morning hours on some new Gimmick and barely made it home, which would piss Pepper off.

Bucky and Sam would be back from their morning run, and Wanda and Vision would be having breakfast. But (Y/N) didn't even meet one Avenger on her way here. Not even Steve, and he was always around somewhere. He would greet her good morning, give her a gentle smile and would basically spend his whole day with her. Steve and (Y/N) liked each other. A lot. It wasn't a secret. Both knew there was more than a friendship between them. They practically already acted like a couple. They fought like an old married couple and they sometimes slept in each others bed when the others needed comfort.

"FRIDAY? Where is everyone?" she asked while she poured herself coffee into her favourite mug. It was an Iron Man Mug that Tony gave to her for Christmas.

"I'm not supposed to say," the robotic voice sounded guilty.

(Y/N) shook her head confused and stopped mid-movement.

"What? Why? Tell me!" she said.

"I'm afraid it's classified Miss (Y/L/N)," Friday answered.

(Y/N) put the cup down on the counter forcefully. Tony must have tinkered with the system, and Friday had a bug. She was ready to walk down to the lab and yell at him, just as Tony's assistant entered the kitchen. She had a tray full of empty coffee cups in her hands and looked strangely guilty when she spotted (Y/N).

"Oh, Julie. Where is everyone?" (Y/N) asked her.

The slim woman put the cups down on the table next to her and turned around. As fast as she came in, she walked out again. (Y/N) frowned and shook her head to herself.

"What the Hell?" (Y/N) mumbled and followed her.

What was going on this morning? She wasn't sure if she should be angry or worried. They were either keeping secrets from her, or something happened to them. She hated either of these options.

"Julie? Why are you walking away?" she yelled, catching up with the woman, who looked torn.

"I am not supposed to say," she said and sped up.

Did they brainwash people to say that sentence to her? First FRIDAY and now her. Even in her heels, Julie could walk really fast. (Y/N) would have been impressed if she wasn't really irritated by her. (Y/N) stepped around her and looked deeply into her eyes.

"Who told you not to tell me? I'd prefer you would tell me yourself instead of me looking into your head," (Y/N)'s voice was daunting.

She had the power to read minds or control them. It was a scary power for everyone. Even (Y/N) was scared of what she could do. And it was hard to get close to people in an honest way. She had to control herself to not take a peek into peoples heads. But it was a valuable skill to have in battle if it wouldn't exhaust her so much. It didn't take long for her to find something out on an untrained mind like Julie's. But there could be trained minds. They were harder to crack. Just like really stubborn people, for example, Steve. When she came here, she tried to have a look into his mind. As soon as she reached out, Steve had turned to her with an angry look. It's like he felt it. He felt her advance. She didn't try further because she was intimidated by the soldier. It's funny how people were usually uncomfortable around her, but Steve never seemed to care.

Although (Y/N) had threatened Julie, she still didn't say what was going on.

"Miss. I am certainly scared of you, but he scares me more," she mumbled.

(Y/N) furrowed her brows. Not quite so sure anymore. But her aggressive stance flattered. She didn't want to force her way into an innocent girls head. Even though she had no idea what was going on or what exactly Julie meant. She didn't want the girl to be scared and quit her job. Tony couldn't afford to lose another one.

"What?" (Y/N) just mumbled, furrowing her brows.

That moment the door to their left opened, and Natasha and Clint stepped out. As soon they saw (Y/N), they lowered their eyes.

"Don't lower your eyes at me!" she scowled.

They didn't want her to see into their heads. Although she knew Tasha and Clint would fight her off. Before they could say a word to the young woman, Tony, Sam and Wanda interrupted by following them out of the room. Great, then she would just do it on one of them. She hated using her power on her friends. But (Y/N) decided to go for the weakest of the trio and grabbed him by his shoulder. His face had a shocked expression as (Y/N) starred into his eyes to look for the answer. She only picked up some shreds of Tony's memories. Enough for context. She sighed and closed her eyes.

"He is in there," Tony mumbled and pointed at the closed door.

She didn't even want to have this fight with Steve, but his recent behaviour was ridiculous. She let go of Tony and stormed into the room. It was one of the main mission meeting rooms the compound had. There were still some mugs and random papers spread out on the big table in the middle of the room. The screen on the right wall showed a map with a few red dots. They were having a meeting for a mission that apparently required most Avengers. Well, all except her, apparently. Or at least that is what Steve thought. Said man was currently sitting on the glass table discussing something with Bucky. The Cap's muscular back was facing her. Bucky looked generally shocked when she entered. Steve just turned in his seat slowly. He looked like he knew who was there before even laying his eyes on her.

"(Y/N)," he said calmly.

Steve didn't even look ashamed. He didn't look like he'd done something wrong. He also didn't move up from his chair. No smile, no good morning. (Y/N) felt hurt, and she missed her soft Steve. Those blue eyes that looked at her adoringly just yesterday when she had returned. Bucky, on the other hand, who had recovered from his surprise, rose from the office chair. He walked over to the girl to give her a hug. She shifted her focus from one soldier to the other. For (Y/N), it was always weird how smooth Bucky was. He had the strut of dangerous men but the most boyish smile in the world. She most definitely understood how the women fell for him. He was polite, handsome and charming.

"Hi. Have you slept well? How was your mission?" he asked and hugged her.

(Y/N) smiled. She couldn't hide it. Buck was one of her closest friends. They met about a year ago. (Y/N) knew Bucky like no one else. That was only because she fixed his mind. She was the one who pulled Bucky out. She removed the trigger words. This was a long and exhausting procedure for both of them, which brought them really close together. They had seen each other worst moments. (Y/N) hadn't seen Bucky in a few weeks. He was one of the few Avengers who didn't live here, like Tony, Clint and Natasha. Bucky was really fun to be around, so she had missed him.

Steve didn't like it at all when Bucky did that. When he acted that way around his girl. Well, she wasn't his. He wanted her to be, though. Before she even met Bucky, Steve knew the girl. She was there when they had the first mission as Avengers. She was there when SHIELD fell. In the beginning, it was just a strong friendship he felt for her. But after a while, it transformed into love. She was there as soon as he entered this century, and she hadn't left him since. Even when he tore the Avengers apart, even when Thanos rained down hell on them, and both of them barely survived. (Y/N) stayed. Fought with him. And when she healed his best friend, he was there every step of it. He sat at her bed when the exhaustion took over, and she had to take a break. He had smiled down at her. It had pained him seeing her this way, but she saved his best friend, and he was forever grateful for that.

"Hi, James. Well, I got a new scar," she said, letting him go.

She took her hair to the side and showed him the scar on her shoulder. Bucky raised his eyebrows at the still fresh red flesh.

"An Arrow. Probably would have ended worse if T'Challa wouldn't have been there," she mumbled, letting her hair fall again.

Steve remembered frantically touching that scar over and over again yesterday. She had told him so many times that she was okay, but he didn't believe her. He even had the Doctor check her over again. And when she crawled into his bed because he insisted on not leaving her side for a while, he had starred at it and decided that he hated it. Steve knew she had a few scars here and there, and he didn't mind them at all. He loved them like he loved her, but he still hated it when another was added to the collection. Steve was angry at himself for not joining her on the mission. He was thinking about it before she went, but she had assured him she would be fine with T'Challa by her side. But if that arrow had been only an inch closer, she could have died. He wanted to protect her, which was also why he didn't tell her about today's mission meeting. Yes, they would need every member for this. But he was too scared for her safety. There was nothing he loved more than her. And so he didn't want her to go. To get hurt, again. And he knew she could take care of herself, but what about him? He wouldn't be able to concentrate with her out there. What an incredibly selfish thought of him that actually was.

"Yea, I know those. They suck. I have a scar from one on my leg," Bucky mentioned pointing at the spot.

Steve furrowed his brows. He couldn't believe he actually felt jealous. That was the first time he felt angry over not scaring. The serum took that from him. Not from Bucky, though. He didn't like how much in common they had. He knew it was stupid. But his heart overruled his head, and before he could stop himself, he interfered.

"Bucky, you can go now the meeting is over," he said and rose from his chair.

His friend and the girl both turned to him. (Y/N) pretty pissed at his behaviour, but Bucky just smiled. He knew. He knew what exactly Steve had on his mind. And not because they just talked about it. But Bucky knew Steve. He knew he was in love with the girl. He also understood how jealous he was. And Bucky was really annoyed about the fact that they didn't just tell each other how they felt. But maybe today was the day they would. So he turned to the door, giving them the chance.

"Well, I guess I'll let you two talk. Just bare in mind we have to leave in 10," he said and left.

(Y/N)'s eyes followed Bucky out of the door. Only as the door closed, she turned around to face Steve. Her stance was defensive. She was angry at him. He could see that.

"What is this?" she asked, making a gesture tracing the room.

Steve crossed his muscular arms over his chest. (Y/N) was sure she heard him huff.

"I don't know what you are talking about," he said.

His voice was dripping with authority. He would only use that voice when he was talking about missions or when he was talking to new recruits.

"Steve. You held a mission meeting without me," she complained.

Pretty much stating the obvious. She knew he was playing innocent; he wasn't stupid. Steve was just a thing coy he must have known this would bother her. What was up with him?

"Well, I don't need you for this mission. Your abilities are not required," he answered and moved to the iPad.

He was typing on something now. Trying to look busy. So he didn't have to see that face. Those intensive eyes of hers.

"Don't talk to me like I am one of them. Like I am just one of your recruits. It's me (Y/N)... It's us, Steve. Now look me in the eyes and talk to me" (Y/N) yelled, now throwing her hands into the air.

She hated when he acted like this. So stubborn. It hurt. It hurt that the person, that meant so much to her would act so cold and disinterested towards her.

"I don't know what you mean. You got hurt from your last mission. You are still in recovery. If I l let you on that field now, you will be over-exhausted after reading one mind," he just said, lazily lifting his arm to point at her shoulder.

This time glancing into her direction before lowering his gaze again. This action confused her. Steve was never scared to look at her.

"Rogers, I am going on this mission if you want to or not."

Anger laced her voice. She would not let him do this, not to her. He would not bench her. She was an asset to them, and a tiny fresh scar wouldn't stop that. Steve was overreacting. Yesterday his worried seemed endearing and made her heart flutter, but she would have never thought this what it would come to. He turned to her now, looking up from his tablet. His eyes were angry. (Y/N) didn't need to see into his head to know he was just as pissed as her. But she just challenged him. Steve was a leader, a soldier. He was her boss in a way. And her not listening, refusing his order made him angry. In his mind, she was the stupid and immature one. She would endanger herself. Her recklessness was always pointed out by Steve. But this was (Y/N) and Steve; they talked about their issues and made up; they never just yelled at each other for no reason. But today, he didn't seem to wanna listen or talk to her. She sighed, remembering that they had to leave soon.

"I'll see you at the jet," she mumbled and tried walking past Steve.

But he stepped in front of the door. His hands to his hips. (Y/N) was sure his tight blue shirt would explode if he decided to flex his muscles more. He tried to intimidate her. She knew that. His need for control was too big for his body. She sucked at this authority thing. She never listened to people. She was stubborn and proud, just like Steve. Their Characters had clashed before, but never like this.

"Stand down. That is an order," he said firmly.

(Y/N) just raised her eyebrows and lifted her chin. He knew he couldn't make her. No one could make her do anything. And that was not only because of her powers. She wasn't sure if she could take on Steve, but she would go down trying.

"Try and make me Captain," her voice was close to a whisper and her smile cold.

She would use her powers, she wouldn't like it, but she would do it. Two could play that game. If he treated her like his recruit, she would treat him like Captain America. Not like the person she knew and loved. The person she would always stand by. But no one could stand by someone who pushed them away. He could see for himself if he enjoyed that. Steve didn't say anything. He just looked into her eyes. The blue of his Iris now seemed cold and like Ice. (Y/N) shook her head and walked past Steve after he didn't make a move to stop her. As soon as the door closed behind her, Steve's defensive statue flattered. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

°°°

"So you guys are fighting?" Bucky asked (Y/N) while kicking a man in the stomach.

He flew against the wall and slid to the floor, staying there unmoving. They were currently on a Hydra base in some remote location. The mission was easy. At least they thought. But after they got the Intel they needed, (Y/N) found out there was a bomb here from looking into someone's head. And if it would go off, it would take down the small town a few miles away. Steve, Bucky and (Y/N) were trying to get to said bomb. (Y/N) didn't want to be paired up with him on this mission, but Steve insisted. And the rest of the team followed his rules. He was still Captain America and in charge of the missions. A small part of her was still glad that he was here. She might have lied to Steve yesterday, and her body felt more exhausted than she led on. (Y/N) also had hurt her foot while fighting an agent. Steve had seen it the moment it happened, but he was too afraid to step closer. But since then, he seemed to try to take all the fire on him and away from her.

"Well, Captain America is being an asshole," she said and grabbed an Agent around the neck.

(Y/N) turned him around so he would look into her eyes. She started searching in his head for the location of the bomb. She had been trying with the last five men she touched. All of them seemed to have something in their minds blocking her. Steve knew she had weakened already. That didn't help his worry. But he still rolled his eyes at her answer. Bucky looked at him reproachfully. He didn't like it when they fought. Steve would get all broody, while (Y/N) would only complain about Steve. And he wouldn't be able to take sides, unlike the rest of the team. Tony and Natasha would automatically side with (Y/N) while Sam and Clint would choose Steve.

"I was only doing my Job," Steve said with gritted teeth and threw his shield at a guy coming closer to them.

All three of them knew that Steve was a jerk. He knew he caused this whole fight, but Steve wasn't good at holding back. And after he fucked up, he was too stubborn to admit it to anyone. At least he could put all his frustration into beating up the bad guys. Bucky and Steve were circling (Y/N), who was still trying to get the information, blocking the agents trying to get to her. The shield flew between the men like they had practised it.

"(Y/N). Uhm, how long is this going to take?" Bucky asked, now raising his gun.

They were under time pressure. (Y/N) just furrowed her eyebrows more. She had gone pale over the last minute. Steve knew she was pushing herself. She had already shifted all her weight on her right foot, and he wasn't sure how much longer she could take it.

"Give me a second. He has few walls around his mind," she mumbled.

Her hands had begun to shake rapidly. Steve never saw it like this before. Maybe once when she tried to fix Bucky. This was the moment he would usually interfere and stop her when she was in Buck's head. Steve's focus shifted from fighting to her ever so often.

"(Y/N) that's enough. We'll find another way," he said with a stern voice.

But (Y/N) didn't listen. She was determined to get it right. To show Steve, she was not useless or meant to be benched. He had hurt her pride so she would show him.

"No, I can do this," she said, her teeth grinding together.

Steve had now turned around fully to her. Trusting Bucky to cover them. He needed her to stop now. They didn't know what would happen, and if she fell into unconsciousness, she would be a liability. Not just because they would have to take her out of here somehow, but also because Steve couldn't think straight anymore then.

"(Y/N)! I said enough," he reaped sternly.

Seeing her getting weaker, her skin colour fading, hurt him inside. He felt it in his heart. It was aching for her. God, he just wanted to protect her. But maybe he was going about this the wrong way. Maybe he should have tried it with tenderness. He should have known that sternness wasn't going to work with her. His worry stopped him from thinking straight.

"Darling, please don't," his voice was quivering by now.

He had placed a hand on her shoulder. (Y/N) took one deep breath before she let the man go. Both of them fell backwards. The man to the floor, but (Y/N) was caught by Steve. He looked down at her softly. He pushed a loose strand of hair out of her face.

"Second floor. Electricity room," she mumbled.

Her body was like a puddle in his arms. Steve shook his head at her. Astonished and worried at the same time. He touched her forehead with the back of his hand. She felt hot, too hot.

"Romanov?" Bucky mumbled into his earpiece, still battling the agents.

"Yea, got it. Tony and I are on the move," she said.

Steve sometimes forgot that all his teammates could hear him. But now, he didn't care at all. He just looked at the girl in his arms.

"Told you I could do it. Go, team," she said to him weakly.

Her eyes were half-lidded, and she was obviously fading in and out of consciousness. But a smile graced her lips. A proud smile. He would have laughed at that if the situation had been different.

"I know…You did well. But please, can I get you out of here now?" he mumbled, giving her a forced smile.

Steve tried to be nice. But even the nearly unconscious (Y/N) could see that he was worried like hell. She hated being incapable of things. But maybe she would let him take care of her, for once. He didn't move even f every fibre of his being wanted to run out of here. But he was going to respect her wishes now. She nodded weakly. And the moment Steve caught that movement, he started moving down the hall. Bucky followed him. He had only paid attention with one ear, but he knew (Y/N) didn't seem well. She looked like they had sucked her life force out of her. And this time, it wasn't his mind that did this.

"Sam, can you get her please," was the last thing she heard and the feeling of flying.

After that, she went fully unconscious.

°°°

She woke up from the sunlight coming through her curtains. It took (Y/N) a while to open her eyes. The first thing she saw was Steves face next to her. She smiled lazily. She loved this sight. The soldier had his hands under his pillow. Her eyes travelled from his chin to the sharp cheekbones, then to his long lashes. Steve always looked like he thought really hard about something when he slept. A frown covered his face. (Y/N) reached out her hand and touched the folds between his eyebrows with her tump, then she placed a hand on his cheek. Seconds after, she was starring into beautiful blue eyes. A smile graced the Captain's face as he saw her awake.

"Glad to see you waking up," she mumbled.

Steve covered her hand with his and took it from his face, shaking his head at her. He stared at (Y/N)s hand a bit before he spoke.

"Me? You have been out the last couple of days," he mumbled.

His smile flattened. The memory of her pale face and hollow cheeks haunted him. Even though she seemed better now. They had wrapped her foot up. It wasn't broken, just a torn ligament.

"Bruce said there was nothing wrong with you. You just overused your power. And all you would need is sleep. But 3 days is a long time," he continued, lost in thoughts.

(Y/N) was searching for Steve's eyes. He sounded so pained. He looked up at her abruptly.

"Please be careful on every mission from now on. Just think before you do stuff. I… If something happens again...," he trailed off.

His face only showed worry. (Y/N) titled her head to the side. She new he was worried about her, but there had to be another way for him to deal with this.

"Steve…Your worry can't stop what I do. I am just like every other Avenger," she mumbled.

The Captain sighed and took a deep breath. He grabbed her hand and put it to his heart.

"Not to me, you're not," his voice was quiet.

Steve needed her to know. To understand how he felt. How he loved her. How he needed her. He wanted her to feel what he felt.

"If you'd look into my mind, you would know..." he began thinking out loud.

He didn't know if he would like her to know it all, but at least she could see what he had been struggling to put into words for so long. But she shook her head with a tired smile.

"I don't need to know it all, Steve. I think we just finally need to tell each other how we feel," she said.

Steve looked at her, and it seemed like his words were stuck in his throat. He was usually so good at giving emotional speeches, but when it came to declaring his love, he seemed to suck at it. (Y/N) had her head propped up in her elbow, and the other still lay on his chest covered by his bigger one.

"I know you already know how I feel. But maybe I do need to tell you just once," Steve said. "I love you. I have for a while."

He laughed a little; it's funny how they were dancing around each other, actually never telling each other. Maybe they had never felt the need to tell each other before. (Y/N) turned around her hand and held his. She stared at their intertwined hands for a second before she dipped down and kissed him softly and slowly. It was their first kiss, but it felt so familiar. Because it was them, they had known each other for over ten years now. She only moved away from him slightly.

"You know I love you too," she answered.

#steve rogers imagine #steve rogers #katie's writing #avengers #captain america #Bucky barnes #imagines #marvel #marvel imagine #statierogers #steve rogers x reader #steve x reader

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onceandalwaysenglishmajor · 7 years ago

Text

How It Should Have Ended

Fandom: Naruto Rating: T Pairing: Jiraiya/Tsunade Words: 2234 Summary: (Warning: Shippuden Spoilers) Jiraiya doesn't die, this is what happens when he makes it home. Jiraiya’s last sensation was one of sinking. His mind blurred and faded, clinging to the the threads of stories he had yet to tell as everything went dark. “Stop fussing! He’ll wake up when he wakes up, and none of your prodding and poking is going to get him there any faster!” “My ‘prodding’ and ‘poking’ is why he’s going to wake up at all! If you can’t be helpful, go somewhere else!” I didn’t expect death to have quite so much yelling, Jiraiya thought. He groaned as he tried to move. A solid weight landed on his chest. “Not yet, boy-o! I did not go to all the work of putting you back together for you to ruin it by moving too soon! Now go to sleep!” Jiraiya felt a tap between his eyes and the world vanished again. The next time Jiraiya woke up it was quiet. He was warm and comfortable, like taking a nap in a sunny spot, or soaking in the onsen. He opened his eyes and stared at an unfamiliar ceiling. Swinging his legs off the comfortable bed, he very carefully sat up. He wobbled slightly trying to stand, having only one arm to support himself instead of two. “I would have thought I’d get it back it in the afterlife,” he mumbled. “You’re not dead! Though it was a very near thing. Do not get out of that bed!” A voice called from somewhere else in the house. Jiraiya obediently sat back down. A tiny, wizened old toad hopped into the room, older even than Grandma Toad Sage. She jumped on the bed to examine him, looking into his eyes and ears, running her webbed hands over him. “You’ve recovered quite nicely,” she told him. “This was the hardest case of my life.” “I’m guessing I’m in the Land of Toads,” Jiraiya said,”but can you tell me how I got here, Grandmother? Last I remember I was bleeding out and drowning.” “A messenger relayed the situation, and I was sent to retrieve you. Even with all my skills, it was a near thing,” she said. Jiraiya nodded. “I didn’t know there was power that could save me,” he said. “It took all my considerable skills,” she said. “And some things even I can’t fix.” She nodded to his missing arm. “How am I going to get home? I can’t perform jutsu anymore.” “We’ll send you home when you are ready,” the old toad assured him. “There are many there who bitterly mourn your loss.” “You haven’t told them?” Jiraiya cried. “It took all my power to keep you alive!” She scolded. “You’ll be sent back soon enough to deal with things left undone. Now, sleep.” She tapped him between the eyes again, and that was the last thing Jiraiya remembered. “Bunta, you’re my escort home?” Jiraiya asked, glad to see his old friend. “Mmm, yes, no one refuses the grandmother of all toads,” he rumbled. “And she seems to have taken a liking to you, Jiraiya.” “She is a goddess among toads,” Jiraiya said with all of his usual charm. “And any time I have left I owe to her,” he continued, more serious. “If ever you have need of me… Well, you’ll know where to find me,” he said. “I’m sorry I won’t be able to visit you any more.” “All things end, all things change,” Gamabunta rumbled. “Are you ready?” Jiraiya nodded, and Gamabunta transported them. “Right to the Hokage’s doorstep? Really, Bunta?” Jiraiya asked, secretly impressed that Gamabunta managed to wedge himself into the middle of town without causing any serious property damage. “This is where Grandmother said you needed to be,” Gamabunta said. “I take my leave of you, Jiraiya, Mountain Toad Sage.” Gamabunta gently set Jiraiya on the ground and vanished. Jiraiya turned to face the Hokage’s office to see Tsunade standing frozen in the he doorway. “Told you I’d make it back if you bet against me,” he said weakly. Jiraiya could see the tears start. “Aw, Tsunade, don’t cry…” said. “I’m all right.” She launched herself at him and Jiraiya barely caught her in his one good arm. “Easy there, you’ll knock me over,” he murmured into her hair. “It’s ok. I’m here, I’m here.” Tsunade pulled back far enough to pound on his chest with her fists. “I. Thought. You. Died.” Each word was punctuated with a blow. “I know,” he said. “I thought I died too. I should have.” He rubbed soothing circles on Tsunade’s back. She buried her head in Jiraiya’s chest, whole body shaking with sobs. “I’m sorry, Tsunade, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” Jiraiya repeated. “I would never, ever hurt you if I could avoid it. Never.” “I know, that makes it WORSE!” Tsunade said, her voice muffled against his chest. They were starting to gather an audience of onlookers, but Jiraiya couldn’t bring himself to care. Tsunade wrapped her arms around his neck, tugging him down until she could press her lips to his, a hard, desperate kiss. “I knew I’d win you over eventually,” Jiraiya said when she pulled back, shooting her a cocky grin. “But you might want to wait until we don’t have an audience, Lady Hokage.” Tsunade smacked him again. But she took a small step away from him, as there were a lot people staring. “I will debrief Jiraiya in my office,” she announced for the benefit of the onlookers before dragging Jiraiya into the building after her. “I’ve always wanted you to debrief me, Tsunade,” he whispered in her ear. “And in the Hokage’s office. My my.” “Pervert,” she said. “We’re going out the window.” “You might have to help keep me balanced,” Jiraiya said, gesturing to where his arm wasn’t. “I always keep you balanced,” Tsunade said, but her eyes lingered a little too long. “I know,” Jiraiya said, stepping into the windowsill. “Lead on, my lady.” Tsunade stepped up and pushed off in one smooth motion. Jiraiya followed her, grinning like an idiot. What ever happened, this was definitely the best day of his life. “Tsunade, you didn’t!” Jiraiya laughed. “You turned one of our old haunts into your own private retreat?” “I had to have somewhere Shizune couldn’t find me,” Tsunade protested. “And the only ones who knew about these caves were you, me, and Orochimaru.” “But Tsunade, you moved in! You’ve got a bed up here! And a bookshelf! And a very impressive collection of alcohol…” “Even the Hokage has to unwind somehow!” “I don’t doubt that,” Jiraiya said. “Can you imagine if I had accepted the position when they offered it to me?” “It would have been a train wreck,” Tsunade said. “Sake?” “Yes please. And such a train wreck.” Jiraiya laughed. “We’ve had to start giving remedial sex ed classes because of your ‘literature’,” Tsunade said. Jiraiya snorted. “If the kids are using it as a guidebook instead of entertainment, you might want to offer some other remedial classes as well.” He took a sip of his sake. Tsunade laughed, downing her own glass in one swallow. “You do have a point there.” The smile slipped off her face as she studied him. “What happened, Jiraiya?” “I lost. I’m sure you decoded the message by now,” he said. Tsunade nodded, so Jiraiya continued. “That was my last effort. The very last thing I did with my life, and only because never giving up is my ninja way, the only thing I have to leave to the world. I got the message out, and then they hit me, five blades, and the last thing I remember is sinking. Until I woke up in the care of the oldest and most powerful toad I’ve ever met.” “But you had the sages with you for that battle!” Tsunade said. “Exactly,” Jiraiya said. “Think on that. But she patched me up and sent me back, said I had ‘things yet undone’.” “Me,” Tsunade muttered under her breath. “What was that, my lady?” “Nothing, nothing!” Tsunade said. The flush on her cheeks could easily be from the alcohol. “Does it still hurt?” She asked. “Where the grandmother toad healed me? It doesn’t, really. Added some impressive scars to the collection, though.” “Can I see?” Tsunade asked before she thought the question through. “Sure,” Jiraiya said. He shrugged out of his vest easily enough, and his green top, but paused when he got to the mesh undershirt. “Tsunade, I may need your help with this,” Jiraiya said, squirming a little to untuck the top from his waistband. Tsunade put her hands on his shoulders, stilling him. She ran her hands down his chest, untucking the mesh top and peeling it slowly over his head. Jiraiya stayed still as Tsunade started tracing the marks on his body. She started with the stump of his arm, tracing the knotted scars. Jiraiya shivered lightly at the touch. She traced the stab wounds that should have ended Jiraiya's life one by one. Jiraiya remained still under her probing fingertips. She moved from the fresh scars to the older, silvery lines that criss-crossed his torso. “Don’t you ever take care of yourself?” Tsunade asked. Jiraiya shrugged. “You know me, I always come out alright,” Jiraiya said. “Until you don’t,” Tsunade said. Her fingers traced lazy shapes on his pectorals, moving around the still pink and angry scars. “Tsunade,” Jiraiya said, resting his hand on her shoulder. “I think I’m officially retired now. No more dangerous missions.” “That doesn’t mean you’ll stay,” Tsunade said. “You never stay in one place too long.” “I’ve never had a reason to,” Jiraiya said. “A reason..?” Tsunade whispered. “What sort of reason?” “Tsunade,” Jiraiya breathed, pressing his forehead to hers. “You know what sort of a reason. You have to know.” “I… I know,” Tsunade said. Jiraiya pressed his lips gently to hers. Only for a moment before pulling back. “Jiraiya,” Tsunade said. “Stay with me, please. Don’t leave me again.” “Marry me,” Jiraiya said. “What?” Tsunade asked. “Marry me. Give me a reason to stay. Say yes. I’d never leave you, you know this.” “Then yes,” Tsunade said. “Yes?” “Yes,” Tsunade repeated. “Yes,” Jiraiya said. “Don’t sound so shocked,” Tsunade said. “Tsunade, I have every reason to sound shocked. You’ve shot me down every time before now,” “Shut up,” Tsunade said. She kissed him, shifting to straddle his hips. She wrapped her arms around his neck and nibbled on his bottom lip. “Tsunade, Tsunade, do you really want to do this here?” Jiraiya asked. “You’re complaining? You?” Tsunade quirked an eyebrow at him. “Should I be offended by that comment?” Jiraiya asked. “There's a bed! What more do you want? Your novels involve much more questionable locations,” Tsunade said. “You've read my novels?” Jiraiya asked. “Not the point, Jiraiya.” “But I need to know if there's a particular scene you want to try…” he teased. Tsunade smacked his chest. “You’re not helping your case,” Tsunade told him. “You know you love me,” Jiraiya said. “For some unfathomable reason, I do,” Tsunade said. Jiraiya’s eyes widened. “Really?” “Jiraiya! I literally just agreed to marry you! Are you seriously surprised that I said I loved you?” “Um, a little bit,” Jiraiya admitted. Tsunade sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. She shifted slightly in Jiraiya’s lap, and he moaned softly. “Jiraiya. You’ve been my closest friend for how many years now? No, don’t count, I don’t actually want to know.” Tsunade put her hands on Jiraiya’s cheeks, making sure he was looking at her. “I do love you, and I very nearly lost you. I’ve lost almost everyone I’ve ever cared about, Jiraiya. It’s why I kept telling you no for so many years. I thought if I could just pretend I didn’t care, you’d always be safe. But you weren’t. So fuck it, I’m not missing out on anything else.” “I’d rather fuck you,” Jiraiya “That is the plan,” Tsunade said, leaning in to kiss him again. “You’re going to do what?” Shizune asked, staring at the pair in front of her. “We’re getting married,” Tsunade explained. “And you’re going to be our witness.” “Tsunade, I don’t think this is strictly legal,” Shizune tried again. “I’m the Hokage, I’m the one who gets to fill out the marriage licenses, and has to officiate, and I’m getting us married, right now.” Tsunade crossed her arms over her chest. Jiraiya grinned like an idiot beside her. “What brought about this sudden decision?” Shizune asked, grasping at straws now. “Sudden?” Jiraiya laughed like she’d just told the funniest joke. “Shizune, I’ve been trying to get her to say yes to me since I was 12. This has been a lifelong pursuit. Now all we need you to do is sign on the witness’ line, all right?” “You’re really sure about this?” Shizune asked Tsunade one last time. “Shizune. I’m sure. Promise.” The younger woman sighed. “Fine. Where do I sign?” “Here,” Tsunade pointed. “Aren’t you going to say anything? Vows or whatever?” Shizune asked. Tsunade laced her fingers through Jiraiya’s. “What’s left to say when it’s been lived? And really, we’re not sure who’s tying who down at this point,” Tsunade said. “I’m tying you down,” Jiraiya said, the biggest goofiest grin on his face. “Shut up,” Tsunade said affectionately. “I have to handle both of them now,” Shizune muttered to herself. “I don’t get paid enough for this.”

#Naruto #Jiraiya #Tsunade #Jiraiya/Tsunade #do they have a ship name?#Jiraiya doesn't die #definitely wrote this because I can't handle his death #how it should have ended

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gordonwilliamsweb · 4 years ago

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Public Health Officials Are Our COVID Commanders. Treat Them With Respect.

As a veteran who served back-to-back tours in Iraq, I initially cringed when commentators compared the COVID-19 crisis to wartime — no bullets, no blood and no one volunteered for this.

But after my months of reporting on the pandemic, it has become painfully clear this is like war. People are dying every day as a result of government decisions — and indecision — and the death toll is climbing with no end in sight.

Less than six months into the pandemic, COVID-19 has already killed at least 183,000 Americans, more than triple the number who died in the Vietnam War, and far more than the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan combined.

We are all being asked to make sacrifices for the good of our country. And we’re experiencing, as a nation, a deeply traumatic event. Like war, the toll will be felt for a long time.

In California, local public health officials are leading the front lines in this battle against COVID-19, dictating strategy, issuing orders and developing tactics to carry out that strategy. Every day, they make gut-wrenching calls to protect our health and livelihoods, even if those decisions may inflict initial harm on the economy or contradict politicians and popular opinion.

But instead of being celebrated for their difficult and dangerous work, as I was, they are now facing violent threats and political attacks from those who disagree with their tactics — such as requiring masks in public and ordering businesses and parks closed to prevent the spread of infection.

When I interview them, often late at night, I hear in their voices that familiar mix of emotions that often come with war: exhaustion, anxiety and devotion to duty.

“We’ve become easy scapegoats for people’s fear and anxiety during COVID-19,” said Dr. Gail Newel, the health officer for Santa Cruz County, who continues to face threats for issuing public health orders.

The latest — a menacing email sent to her in late July calling her a “communist bitch” — prompted local law enforcement to recommend she get a guard dog and firearm to protect herself. “That weighs very heavily,” she said.

I can’t imagine the burden. Although many of us serving in Iraq disagreed with the war, we remained dedicated to our mission and enjoyed broad support at home.

I joined the military as a U.S. Army reservist in 1999 and was deployed on active duty to Iraq in early 2003, when it truly was like the Wild West.

Serving first as logistics clerk and then the acting supply sergeant for a military police company out of San Jose, California, I helped ensure my military brothers and sisters had proper equipment. When the George W. Bush administration sent us to Iraq, for example, it did so without armoring our Humvees — a major failure that elevated our risk of being blown up by roadside explosives.

I returned home in July 2004 and spent years putting the battlefield behind me as I transitioned to a career in journalism. But living through COVID-19 has resurrected those feelings of being at war.

Now, just like then, there is an overall sense of fear and uncertainty because we don’t know when the crisis will end. We aren’t free to go about our lives as we once did and we yearn for the comforts we took for granted. We miss our loved ones we can’t see.

We must remain hyper-vigilant to potential threats, and even make sure to don our “armor” when we leave our homes, except now it’s masks and gloves instead of helmets and flak jackets.

There’s something that happens when you’re in a conflict zone — the air feels heavier. You can feel threats all around you, just waiting to strike. There’s deep anxiety for what the future holds, and you wonder whether you’ll be alive next week or next month.

Public health officers are shouldering the added anxiety that duty brings. For much of the pandemic, Gov. Gavin Newsom has pushed the responsibility — and blame — of reopening largely onto counties and the state’s 61 local health officers, who have worked for months without days off, giving up time with their families to attack this crisis head-on.

I have interviewed dozens of them. Some have broken into tears while talking with me, and worry chokes their voices as they lament problems with testing or explain how they don’t have enough supplies or contact tracers to safely reopen. They felt rushed into lifting stay-at-home restrictions in May and June, yet they had no choice in the face of pressure from politicians and suffering residents and businesses. After years of severe underfunding, public health agencies don’t have the money or resources to deploy an adequate response.

They’re also wrestling with the guilt and trauma that come with making decisions that affect people’s lives and livelihoods.

“It has been hard on all of us,” acknowledged Sacramento County’s health officer, Dr. Olivia Kasirye. “We’re getting phone calls daily from people saying they’re going bankrupt and they can’t pay their rent and they have loved ones who are dying that they can’t see.”

I know how that feels, having been conflicted about our long-term strategy in the Middle East and the harm we inadvertently inflicted on innocent civilians. But I can’t imagine being afraid of the people I signed up to protect.

Public health officials have become targets of aggressive and personal attacks. Some have seen their photos smeared with Hitler mustaches, while others have had their personal phone numbers and home addresses circulated publicly, prompting the need for round-the-clock security.

“Imagine treating American soldiers and military families with the kind of hatred and disrespect that local health officers are facing,” said Dr. Charity Dean, unprompted, a day after she left her job as one of the top public health officials in the Newsom administration. “They’re the ones taking all the risk, and it makes me angry to see how they’ve been treated.”

Since the start of the pandemic, at least eight career public health officials in California have resigned, and more are considering it. But most are soldiering on.

Mimi Hall, Newel’s boss and Santa Cruz County’s top public health official, told me law enforcement is investigating a threatening letter addressed to her that was allegedly signed by a far-right anti-government extremist group.

In response, Hall considered retiring early. But she didn’t want to abandon her troops and wasn’t going to let fear stop her from doing her job. So she had a perimeter fence and home security system installed over the weekend — and reported for work promptly Monday morning.

Yes, we are waging a life-or-death battle in which innocent people are hurt, but it’s these battle-scarred public health officers who are making deeply personal sacrifices to steer us to safety.

We commemorate military leaders with medals and parades. Why not treat our public health officials with the same level of appreciation?

Kaiser Health News (KHN) is a national health policy news service. It is an editorially independent program of the Henry J. Kaiser Family Foundation which is not affiliated with Kaiser Permanente.

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dinafbrownil · 4 years ago