#I hung out with my coworkers all night yesterday

[meownotgood]

Maggie shnookie pookie bear I miss you how are u 🥹🥹🥹🥹

HI SWEETIE PIE I'M DOING GOOD!!!!! WORKING HARD!!!!!!!!!

[benevolentbones]

break up | spencer reid x reader

warnings: mostly fluff! mentions of physical abuse and readers ex boyfriend. gender neutral reader

word count: 1.9k

summary: reader announces their breakup with their boyfriend and spencer is more than pleased.

a/n: i hope you all enjoy this fic! wrote it during work:) reblogs and comments appreciated <3

it was a cold monday morning at the bau. everyone was busy filing away case reports at their respective desks, everyone bar spencer reid who was leaning against your desk with two cups of coffee in his hand, awaiting your arrival.

his eyes shot up to the clock that hung on the wall by the elevator. the bright neon numbers reading ‘09:18’. spencer’s brows furrowed as he scanned the bullpen. you were never this late.

almost on cue the elevator doors sprung open and you stumbled out, carrying a large duffel bag on your back, accompanied by your usual satchel. spencer’s gaze landed on you as you walked to your desk, his puzzled expression quickly changing into one of relief.

as you drew closer to your desk, spencer could make out your features more clearly. you looked tired, the dark circles under your puffy eyes evident.

he placed down both cups of coffee on your desk carefully, greeting you when you finally slung the duffle bag near his feet.

“morning y/n…is everything okay?” he quizzed, your eyes softening when they met his.

“hi spence- i’m fine- how are you?” you muttered, taking a quick seat at your desk.

spencer could tell something was off, it didn’t take being a profiler to realise something had happened.

“what’s wrong?” he asked, clearly concerned.

“i- i broke up with my boyfriend last night.” you admitted, feeling a anxious sensation rush through your body as you recalled the events from yesterday.

his eyes widened, a look of shock etched onto his pale features. “what? what happened?”

“he- he wasn’t treating me good…and i know i deserve better, right?” you questioned, more to yourself than him.

spencer took a step closer, resting a gentle hand on your arm. you felt his warm touch, instantly causing your anxious feeling to subside.

“of course- you deserve the best.”

“thanks, spencer.” you rested your head against his side, a deep sigh escaping your lips.

he smiled warmly at your actions, moving his hand from your arm and placing it on your hair, running it over in a soothing motion.

you and spencer had been friends and coworkers for over three years, everyone in the team could tell there seemed to be something more there- but when you started dating your ex, everyone was shocked.

“anyway- enough about me. did you go on that date morgan set you up on?” you questioned, pulling away from spencer to look him in the eyes.

spencer looked down and chuckled slightly, a small blush spreading across his cheeks. “well not exactly… i kind of chickened out at the last minute.”

“oh no, why?” you couldn’t help but feel a slight relief at the mention of the cancelled date.

he sheepishly looked away from you for a moment, before meeting your gaze again. he ran a hand through his awkwardly and let out an embarrassed laugh. “i don’t know…i always get so nervous at the thought of these things… and i wasn’t really feeling it with her.”

“aw spence, don’t be nervous, anyone would be lucky to go on a date with you..and you’ll find someone soon.”

he gave you a lopsided smile, a hint of a blush still evident on his face. “are you sure about that?” he teased, before adding. “i think you’re one of the only people who think that.”

“don’t say that- you’re smart and funny and handsome-“ he cuts you off with a smile.

“you think i’m handsome?”

“of course i do-“ you felt a blush creep onto your cheeks, you couldn’t help but trace your eyes over the man who stood before you.

spencer wore a dark shirt which he rolled up neatly exposing his forearms, paired with dark suit pants. his gun holster was tucked away at his side, more evident when he raised his arm to push back his brown locks.

before he could say anything your phone began to ring, your smile dropped as you reached into your pocket to pull the darn thing out.

“seems like someone is trying to ruin our moment.” he muttered out lowly, a blush speeding across his cheeks once again.

you pressed your cellphone to your ear, a sigh escaping your lips as you listened to someone ramble on the other line. spencer attempted to listen in, but couldn’t make out what the angry voice on the other end was saying.

“yea-okay-fine.” you pulled your phone away from your ear, pressing the end call button before practically throwing your phone onto your desk.

“is everything alright?” he asks, slightly skeptical when you hang up the call.

“yeah, it’s just-“ you let out a frustrated sigh, raking a hand through your unruly locks. “he’s coming to get his things now- i told him to wait until after work.”

“he’s coming here?” spencer’s brows furrowed.

you nodded in response, casting your eyes down to the duffel bag on the floor. “he’s going to meet me outside but…”

spencer could pick up your hesitation, tilting his head to the side slightly. “..you don’t want to be alone with him.” he guessed aloud.

“yeah…it wasn’t exactly a mutual breakup..i just don’t want him to do anything.” you clasped your hands together, fidgeting with your fingers as you spoke.

spencer’s features hardened, a feeling of anger washing over him. he let out a breath to calm himself before he spoke. “has..has he done something to hurt you before?” he attempted to make eye contact with you.

when you couldn’t meet his gaze, his heart sank. how long had he been treating you like this? hurting you? if he had known- he wouldn’t done something, probably something he would regret.

“he- he was angry a lot. he threw things, broke things…he only hit me a few times.”

spencer practically flinched when you mentioned that he hit you. anger filled his dark eyes but he remained calm when he spoke.

“a few times- he should never have hurt you in the first place. why- why didn’t you tell me? i could’ve- helped?” there was a slight distress evident in his voice.

“i was embarrassed. i thought maybe he was having a bad day- i thought he loved me..” you trailed off, tears beginning to well up in your eyes. “i guess i’m a little bit unlovable.” you let a sad laugh pass from your lips.

spencer frowned at his, guiding his hand to your face so you would look him in the eyes.

“don’t say that. you aren’t unlovable. you are caring and smart and beautiful-“ he trailed off as he listed the traits he loved about you so much.

you let out a small chuckle. “thanks spence…i guess we both kinda suck at relationships.”

he returned the laugh clearly agreeing with your words, before he spoke. “yeah, i suppose we do. though i doubt i suck as much as your ex does.”

“you definitely don’t suck as much as him…spence? would you come outside with me when he shows up?” you questioned, your hands still nervously fumbling on your lap.

“of course, i’ll do anything you need me to.” he placed a hand on top of yours, easing your nervousness.

~

you waited outside, spencer at your side, with the duffle bag slung over your shoulder. your ex had messaged you saying he was on the way, so you nervously rocked back and forth on your feet.

spencer could sense your unease, he leaned down to you whispering out. “it’s okay, y/n. i’m here.”

you gave him a small smile, before your eyes landed on your ex boyfriend walking towards the bau. he looked mad.

your ex marched forward, stopping in-front of you. his dark hair was slicked back, you recalled the amount of hair gel he used to slather onto his head every morning.

“it’s all here.” you spoke, passing the bag to your ex, jordan. he snatched it from your grasp, causing you to jump slightly. spencer frowned, placing a protective hand on your back, ready to step between you and your ex at a moments notice.

jordan’s blue eyes scanned your form and then moved on to spencer, he was a lot taller than jordan. your ex let out a disgusted tutt, taking a step closer to you.

spencer immediately wedged himself between you and jordan, putting one hand forward to prevent the shorter man from getting closer.

“this must be who you left me for then? slut.” jordan spat, attempting to gaze upon you but blocked by spencer’s form.

spencer’s eyes flashed with anger at jordan’s comment, immediately pushing the shorter man back.

“don’t you call them that- you have your shit so leave, before i do something.”

jordan scanned spencer, contemplating wether or not he could take the younger man on. inevitably he decided just to back off, swearing once more at you before turning on his feet and walking off.

once jordan had disappeared from sight, spencer turned around, eyeing your smaller form.

“are you okay?” spencer asked, letting out a sigh of relief.

“no..i’m fine.” you mumbled out, a sad expression fixed on your features.

spencer reached out, gently brushing a strand of hair from your face. “good…that’s good. if he ever bothers you again i’ll knock his lights out.”

you smile at his comment, relishing his brief contact with your skin

“thank you..” your smile faltered for a moment, your brain fixed on jordan’s comment.

“is..everything okay?”

“i’m sorry- about what he said. that i left him for you.”

spencer was quiet for a moment, thinking over your words. his cheeks turn a shade of red but he attempts to hide it. “no- it’s fine, it’s not like it’s true, is it?-“

a small blush tints your cheeks, as you chew your lip. “i…yes. but it’s not like- you don’t-“ you splutter out.

“you know i don’t what?” spencer seems dumbfounded by your words, questioning you with a curiosity to his tone.

“i know you don’t like me like that- you were going on that date.” you mumbled out, averting his intense gaze.

he took a step closer to you, analysing your features. “oh that- i’ve been trying to find every excuse not to go out with the people morgan tries to set me up with- i don’t have feelings for them. in fact i-“ he seemed a bit nervous, the next words he was going to utter out getting caught in his throat.

“…you what?” your eyes meet his again, a hopeful expression on your face.

“i- i’ve been in love with you…this whole time.” he finally managed to get the words out, afraid of how you’d react.

he’s unable to hide the fact that he’s nervous, he’s worried about how you’ll respond, knowing he can’t lie to you anymore.

you pulled him in for a hug, your arms wrapping tightly around his torso. spencer, not expecting a hug, slowly returns the gesture his long arms enveloping your form.

“this isn’t you awkwardly letting me down easily, is it?” he let out a nervous laugh.

you responded with a chuckle, pulling away from the hug. “no…” you paused, scanning his features, a mix of hope and worry.

“i- i love you too.” you announced. a wave of relief washed over spencer, he lets out a sigh before smiling and bringing a hand to your cheek.

“say it again…please?” he had being waiting so many years, hoping one day you would say those words to him.

“i love you, spencer reid.” you spoke slowly, cheeks flushed. he gave you a grin before pulling you in and pressing his soft lips to yours.

taglist!! @0108s22m @rainoftearss @potatovoyager @rac00ns-are-c00l4 @luvmia222 @shardsofmarxx @silver138 @lover-of-books-and-tea @thedancingnerdmermaid @khxna

[redflagshipwriter]

Halfa Cass Chapter 6 part 2/2

Masterpost

‘Ouch,’ Tim thought gleefully as Bruce got his constipated expression. Damian was definitely pretending he thought it was admirable to frighten hapless Justice League niceguys. Damian knew better now. Damian even liked Jon Kent, who was basically like a tiny Captain Marvel.

Bruce really should know that. Tim could see the calculations whirring in his mind, weighing the odds of Damian being genuine.

He knew that Damian was a lot better now. That Damian had promised not to stab anyone unless it was absolutely necessary. That Damian had made friends and was less hostile to outsiders.

Bruce wasn’t confident enough that Damian knew better. He gave in. “I will be careful with my tone around him,” Bruce said sullenly. He stabbed at his breakfast.

‘You just got played by a ten year old.’

“Thank you Daddy,” Cass chirped.

Ah well, that’s it then. Game, set, and match. Bruce lifted his face enough to aim his watery i love my kids eyes at her.

Tim left the table without comment. He quietly thanked Alfred on his way out and gave a nod to Cass. Bruce was still glaring at his eggs. He’d be at it for a while, churning through the current state of his children’s social development and the relative healthiness of his personal relationships with Justice League coworkers.

‘I wonder why Cass cares about Marvel,’ Tim wondered idly. He didn’t have the slightest hint of doubt in her assertion. If Cass said that Bruce was too harsh for Marvel, then it was true. Marvel must be sensitive. But that didn’t mean Cass would interfere to protect a grown man from her dad’s growly temper. Maybe she had a crush? Marvel was pretty good-looking, if you were sick enough to be into hunky men with perfect teeth who were never rude to anyone and appeared to have no dark past. Sort of like crushing on that one cartoon surfer in the juice ads…

It was a minor puzzle piece that Tim tucked away for another time. 

He hung out in his room until it was time to get ready. Then Tim jogged down the stairs to the Batcave, humming under his breath.

Jason of all the people was already there, scowling at the screen. 

“Why are you up?” Tim asked. Didn’t he usually, sleep off half the day after a long patrol? Jason had been on the long shift last night.

Tim got a massively shitty expression from Jason  in return. “Patrol ended hours ago, dipstick. I’ve already slept.”

‘Those under eye circles say otherwise,’ Tim thought judgmentally. But he just shrugged. “Fair enough.” He breezed past to open up his equipment locker. 

“What are you doing?” Jason spun his chair around to watch. “Are you meeting Cass?”

Tim blinked. “No?” He unhooked his undersuit and pulled his t-shirt off over his head. He went to toss it in and then thought better of it. Tim conscientiously folded it so that there were no asshole comments from the peanut gallery. “Why do you ask?”

Jason thumbed at the cameras. “Because she’s leaving. Just got her green jacket from the living room.” He jutted his lower lip out. “I don’t know of anything on her schedule today.”

Huh. Tim stopped mid-motion. “There wasn’t anything on the master calendar,” he said slowly. He gave Jason a sideways look. “What are the odds of you following her?”

Jason looked tempted. “She’ll be mad if she notices me.”

“Yeah,” Tim agreed. It was just the truth. “But she’ll know you’re doing it because you’re worried about it, so she can’t get too mad. She got electrocuted yesterday. I’m not really sure she should be out unsupervised.”

Jason’s whole face twitched. “Yeah.”

‘Ah,’ Tim realized. ‘He already read her report. That’s probably why he came in.’

“You’re going to Amity.” Jason said it like it was an order, not a question. Tim nodded anyway and shucked his sweatpants. He started pulling on the sweat-wicking undersuit. “Yeah, alright.” Jason stood up with a scrape of the chair. “I’ll keep an eye on her.”

“You’re the best there’s ever been,” Tim lied earnestly. “I really appreciate it. I know that everyone else would say-”

“You’re a dick,” Jason said, and left the batcave quickly before Tim could say anything else nice to him.

Tim felt a lot better about leaving Gotham after that conversation. Jason was a huge angry clucking mother hen. He wouldn’t let anything happen to Cass. And Tim could be useful at the source of the problem without his attention split in worrying.

He clicked on his comms and switched to the YJ frequency. “Red Robin is on.”

The line clicked. “Wondergirl is here,” Cassie said happily. “You’re welcome, peons. I’m in the air already.”

“We’ll owe you forever, princess,” Kon snarked. “When can we kiss your boots?”

“You can kiss my a-”

“No chatter on the comms.” Tim typed up the mission start and sent it to the right file, marking that he was taking the jet. “I’ll see you in Amity.”

[seuonji]

night shift ★彡 xu minghao

xu minghao x yn ln

彡when yn’s juniors finds trouble with some fellow college mates, yn goes through mountains just to get them justice, even if it means needing to infiltrate and make friends with the most intimidating clique on campus.

masterlist

#12 an easy man! | #13 kuromi pic! | #14 white tee!

notes: there’s a writing part under the cut! (0.5k words)

minghao walked into the back. taking off his apron, he smiled at you. you had already gotten up and folded the blanket to which he stuffed into the bag he carried.

“ready to go?” he asked as he looked up to you. you stiffly stood by him, hands holding the strap of your bag awkwardly and you just nodded.

you closed up the store and went your way out.

you lead the way to the bus stop you usually go to as minghao treaded right beside you.

“crazy i didn’t see you yesterday,” you randomly brought up.

minghao slowly turned to you and squinted his eyes, “we did but like just for a few seconds.”

you immediately made an ‘o’ with your mouth as you recalled.

the bus arrived and you two got on, sitting by each other, your shoulders touched but non of you moved. perhaps you were too tired to?

“you were gonna go out with mingyu today?” he tilted his head. “ah well it wasn’t a set in stone plan, i didn’t even know if i’d wake up the next day,” you laughed. “and you didn’t,” he giggled and sighed. it’s true, you slept for most of the day.

“but that was the first time you hung out with mingyu right? you two seem so close.”

“i think i just adapt well,” you reasoned. notably, you had to adapt well because of how good it would’ve been for the mission.

“understandable. if i didn’t know how friendly you were i would’ve just guessed that you fell for mingyu and that’s what brought you to say yes to going out with him.”

“well isn’t mingyu that guy all of the people in school fall for?” you turned your body to face minghao, showing interest in the conversation.

“oh, are you one of those people yn?” minghao tapped on his chin to provoke you.

your eyes locked into minghao’s out of shock. you coughed out a chuckle and retracted your eyes to the floor. “no,” you sighed out and grinned. “not at all. my heart belongs to someone else,” you softly let out.

as minghao got silent, you swiftly turned your eyes to him but all you saw was a warm smile on his face.

“am i going to unlock the yn secret and find out who it is today?” he poked in more fun.

you sneered and rested your head on your hand, “don’t need to unlock it today when you’ve already guessed it before.”

shit, why are you the one revealing secrets to him? shouldn’t it be the other way around? that’s what you thought as you kept speaking. but minghao’s response cleared your cloudy head.

“well i hope that goes well for you. i’m sure it will.”

there it was again. the tinge of sweetness from minghao that somehow made your heart melt.

it was nice to have someone like this around but also, it wasn’t. he was gravely making you forget why you’re here in the first place.

and the lingering texture of he blanket on your skin made it all the more forgettable.

funfact: the manager wasn’t at work today which is why yn decided to nap straight away. yn thought falling asleep during work was going to be the end of their career however waking up to having a blanket over their shoulders made them realise, they’re glad to have met minghao and have him as a coworker.

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[winchesterwild78]

Forgotten

Story Warnings: Language, angst, anxiety, accusations of cheating, fluff, SMUT

A/N: I had to write a quick story about a birthday and how Jensen forgot. The idea came to me since my birthday was earlier this week. No disrespect to his family or wife, this is a work of fiction and does not depict real life.

Characters: Jensen x Reader-married, Jared, Gen and unnamed characters

All work is my own. Don’t take it. I wrote this and edited quickly. Please overlook any mistakes. Feedback on any of my writing is always welcome.

Minors DNI 18+

💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕

You sat in your living room answering texts, phone calls and replying to posts on social media. It had been a long but good day at work. Your coworkers surprised you with a cake and some amazing gifts. When you married Jensen you wanted to make sure you were able to keep your job. You enjoyed your coworkers and loved working with kids.

As the calls, texts, and posts kept rolling in your heart broke with each notification. The one person you wanted to hear from the most was Jensen. He was away doing a project so you knew he was busy. As the day wore on your heart broke more. Gen called you to tell you Happy Birthday and to chat. “Hey Y/N, Happy Birthday girl! How have you been today” she asked in her cheerful way. “Hey, Gen. I’m okay. Just trying to keep up with all the birthday wishes. How are you and the family doing” you asked as your voice cracked. “Pretty good, the kids are outside playing and I’m getting ready to cook dinner. Just got off the phone with Jared and he said he and Jensen were wrapped for the day and heading to dinner.” She told you. “Oh, okay. Well I need to get my dinner started too. Thanks for calling me. Bye Gen” you said holding back tears.

You held it together until you hung up. The world around you crumbled as you realized Jensen forgot your birthday. Your heart broke. The rest of the evening was a fog. When you crawled into bed you grabbed your phone and sent Jensen a text.

Me: I’m going to bed. I wish I could have heard from you today. I love you, Jensen.

You sat your phone on the table and turned off notifications. Sleep finally washed over you after crying for about an hour.

The next morning you woke up with a headache. You checked your phone and still nothing. The sadness was replaced with anger. What the hell is so important that he couldn’t even text you back. You scrolled social media and then the anger was replaced with absolute rage. You saw pictures of Jared, Jensen and some of the cast out partying last night. In each picture one of his female costars was hanging all over Jensen.

You growled out “what the fuck! So this is what was more important than me.” You took screenshots and sent them to Jensen.

Me: So this is what was more important than me yesterday?!?! You forgot my fucking birthday and then I see you were out with her and letting her hang all over you. You know what, just fucking stay there!

Jensen was standing beside Jared when his phone went off. He smiled when he saw the notification was from you. Then his heart dropped. Jared noticed the color drain from Jensen’s face. “Dude what’s wrong” he asked. Jensen raked his hands through his hair and down his face. “I fucked up big time man. I forgot Y/N’s birthday yesterday and then she sends me this” he shows Jared the text. “Oh damn. How did you forget her birthday man and why would you let her hang all over you.” Jared asked. “I don’t know. Shit, how am I going to make this right” Jensen said.

Jensen stepped away and called you. It rang and you saw it was him calling. You didn’t answer. He hung up and called back. Jensen did that about 5 times before you finally answered the call. “What?!” You hissed as you answered the phone. “Babe I’m so sorry I fucked up. I didn’t mean to forget your birthday. Please forgive me.” Jensen pleaded.

“Why. You didn’t just forget my birthday Jensen, you let her, of all people HER hang all over you like you two were together. I saw you in the pictures. You fucking enjoyed it. Damnit Jensen. You know how her and I feel about each other. She’s wanted you since she started on the show and she hasn’t been subtle about it either.” You broke down crying. “I am so sorry baby. I swear I don’t want her. I love you more than anything and I swear I’m going to make it up to you.” He said with fear and sadness in his voice. “You know what Jensen, no. I love you but no. There is no fixing what you did and what you allowed to happen” you said sternly.

“I need to go. Goodbye Jensen” you hung up. Jensen stood in place looking at his phone for what seemed like hours. Jared walked over to him and asked what happened. “I blew it man. She doesn’t want to talk to me. She said there isn’t anyway to fix this. I don’t know what to do man” Jensen said with tears in his eyes.

Jared grabbed him and said “Go home! Go to your wife. Make her listen to you and make her feel like she’s the only woman in the world. If you love her and want to fix this then go. I’ll talk to the director you book a flight!” Jensen pulled Jared into a hug and took off towards his trailer to get a flight home.

You were sitting on your bed with a picture from your wedding day. You both looked so happy and so in love. You felt incredibly lucky to have met him and to have fallen in love with him, and to have him fall in love with you. You held the picture to your chest and cried. You had always felt not good enough for him and his newest co-star was a model and didn’t hide the fact she was in love with him. She found every excuse to touch him and be close to him. She’s made snarky comments about you and to you. The last time you were around her you both got into a heated argument that almost resulted in an assault charge.

You laid down clutching the photo and cried yourself to sleep. You didn’t care if it was the middle of the day. Your heart was shattered and all you wanted to do was fall asleep to the memory of a happier time.

Jensen found a flight that left within the hour and he booked it. He packed quickly and Clif got him to the airport fast. “Go get your girl man” Clif said as Jensen took off towards security. Jensen boarded the plane and sent you a text.

J: Baby I know I fucked up. I love you and I’m going to make this right. I’ll love you until my dying breath Mrs Y/N Ackles. Today, tomorrow, forever.

You heard your phone go off but you ignored it. Soon sleep fell over you and you dreamed of your wedding day and of the wedding night. Jensen had always been an incredible lover but your wedding night was something else. He was so gentle and loving. You two explored every inch of each other’s body and you made love so many times. Even in a deep sleep the memory brought a smile to your tear stained face.

Jensen’s legged bounced nervously as the plane approached the gate. He turned his phone off airplane mode and checked his messages. There still wasn’t anything from you. “Shit! I fucking blew it.” Jensen mumbled under his breath. He sent Jared a text to let him know he landed and was getting ready to leave the plane. Jared sent him a text and told him everything was good at work and they gave him 2 weeks off for the “family emergency” Jared told them Jensen had.

Jensen: Thanks brother. I owe you one.

Jared: No you don’t. That’s what we do. Now go fix this.

As soon as the plane doors opened Jensen was running towards the exit. He grabbed an Uber and headed home. It took a good half hour to get home. The driver was polite and obviously was a fan. Jensen did his best to answer questions and be friendly but his mind kept wandering to you.

When the car pulled in the driveway Jensen noticed how dark the house looked. He was afraid you had left him. He got out of the car and ran up the steps to the door. Jensen pulled out his keys and unlocked the door and walked in. He called your name but there was no answer. Each step he took was met with silence and his heart sank.

He climbed the stairs and walked to your bedroom door. He opened it and saw you lying on the bed still holding the picture. He smiled and walked over to you. If you were holding that picture there had to be hope. He sat on the bed and softly touched your face and whispered your name. “Y/N, baby wake up. I’m home sweetheart” Your eyes fluttered open and you saw your husband sitting on the bed. You sat up shocked. “Jens, what are you doing here.” You asked him. “I told you I was going to fix this. I’m so sorry baby. I really am.” He said as he caressed your cheek. You leaned into his touch.

You threw your arms around him and lunged into his lap. He pulled you in for a kiss and as soon as his lips were on yours you deepened the kiss. You moaned into his mouth as his hands ran up your body. He picked you up and laid you down on the bed. Jensen hovered over you and kissed your lips. Working his way down your neck and on your collarbone. His hand lifted the hem of your shirt and his fingers danced up your body.

Fire ignited on your skin with every touch. He pulled your shirt over your head revealing your bra covered breasts and he bit his lip. Your hands pulled at his shirt until he pulled it over his head with one pull. Your hands ran up his toned chest. Your fingers dancing over each freckle.

Jensen reached around your back and with one hand unhooked your bra. You helped him remove it and your full, ample breasts sprang free. Jensen growled as he looked at them and took a nipple in his mouth. You threw your head back with a loud moan of pleasure. Electricity surged through your body as Jensen worked each nipple. He sucked and nibbled as you felt the heat and slick pooling between your legs.

Jensen leaned you back and pulled off your pants and panties with one pull. He used his knee to separate your legs. Biting his lip as he looked at your body on full display. He looked down and noticed the slick sliding between your folds. He took his fingers and parted your lips and felt the wetness. “Damn baby, all this for me” he asked. You nodded. He took two fingers and hooked them inside your dripping pussy. Pumping in and out. The smell and sound of your arousal in the air.

Jensen locked his eyes on yours as he helped you chase your release. Thoughts of the last few days started to fade as you looked your husband in the eyes. Seeing all his love and desire behind his green eyes.

You bit your lower lip and moaned Jensen’s name. “God I love when you moan my name sweetheart” Jensen panted. Jensen cupped your breast with his free hand and licked at your hard nipple. As he nibbled your nipple he felt your walls tighten around his fingers. His thumb rubbed circles on your swollen clit. “Jensen I’m close. I’m gonna cum” you breathed out. “Cum for me baby” he whispered in your ear.

You came hard and screamed his name. As you came Jensen’s lips captured yours sending chills through your body. As you came down from your high you looked at your husband and bit your lip. “Please Jens, I need you” He smiled softly and removed his pants and boxers. His already hard cock sprang free and on there was a bead of precum that danced in the soft light. You leaned forward and licked the pink tip of his long, engorged cock. Causing it to twitch at your touch.

You licked your lips and took his length in your wet, warm mouth. Jensen moaned loudly. Soon the room was filled with the sounds of Jensen grunting and the wet sounds of flesh being sucked. Jensen pulled away and you frowned. “No baby. Tonight is about you. I don’t want to cum yet” He whispered as he cupped your face. You nodded and leaned back.

As you laid back Jensen placed himself between your legs and lined himself up. He gazed down at you with lust and love in his eyes and you nodded. He pushed his length inside you and you gasped with pleasure. He stopped giving you time to adjust but you moved your hips, silently begging for more. Jensen pushed all the way in bottoming out and you gasped loudly as he moaned.

He kissed you as he set a slow pace. Your hands on his chest. Lightly touching his toned body. Gripping his large biceps with each thrust. His hands running over your breasts as they bounced with each movement of your bodies. Jensen leaned down and kissed you.

You wrapped your legs around his hips trying to push him in deeper. Jensen took that as an invitation to pick up the pace. He hooked both his hands around each leg and lifted them up on his broad shoulders. You moaned at the change of position. Jensen picked up the pace and you pushed back against him. He was going deeper now and hitting that sweet spot. You felt yourself getting closer to the edge again. “Jens I’m going to cum again” came from your lips. “Me too baby. Cum for me again” Jensen demanded in a voice laced with passion and need. You both came hard. Jensen grunted as his hot seed coated your walls and you screamed his name raking your nails down his back.

He let himself go soft before he pulled out. As he got up he kissed the tip of your nose and said he’d be right back. He returned with a warm cloth to clean you both up. He threw the cloth in the hamper and laid beside you. Taking you in his arms he placed kisses all over your face causing you to giggle.

“Jensen I can’t believe you came home in the middle of filming. You’re going to lose your job. I know how important your job is to you”you said with concern in your voice. “Nothing is ever more important to me than you. It’s worked out thanks to Jared and you have me for 2 weeks before I have to leave. Please believe me when I tell you how sorry I am I forgot your birthday. It was not intentional and I don’t want anyone but you. You’re my world and I’ll spend the rest of my life proving that to you. I love you, Y/N” He whispered as he pulled you tighter.

“I love you too, Jensen. I’m sorry I overreacted and got so jealous. I know you don’t want anything to do with her and you’re an incredibly faithful husband. I still can’t believe you flew home for me” you said with shock in your voice. Jensen pulled you closer and kissed your forehead “I’d do whatever I needed to do to get home to you when you need me. There is nothing and nobody more important to me than you.”

You smiled at him and kissed his lips. “Jens, about that. I don’t think that’s going to be entirely true anymore.” He looked confused “what, why would you say that. You’re the most important person in my life.” You looked your husband in the eyes and cupped his face. “Jensen, I’m pregnant” you whispered tenderly. He smiled and kissed you. “I’m going to be a dad” he questioned. “Yes my love. You’re going to be an amazing dad” you replied. “I found out on my birthday and I got so excited I couldn’t wait to tell you. That’s why got so upset. My greatest moment of joy and I couldn’t wait to tell you. Telling you now and seeing your reaction is far better than telling you on the phone. I love you, husband” you said gently. “I love you too, wife and our little bean” he pulled you in for a kiss as he rubbed your belly.

You forgave Jensen and realized sometimes the best gifts are worth waiting for.

Forever as tags: @nescaveckdaily @kr804573 @jensengirl83 @k-slla @jackles010378 @jawritter @xx-spooky-little-vampire-xx @roseblue373

[dream-a-little-bigger-x]

HANDS | Spencer Reid

Add yourself to my taglist! | Here’s my masterlist!

Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!Reader

Warnings: violence, patients having an episode, hurt/comfort

Requested: YES! by @acid-esther

Hi!! If you still take requests, could I please ask for some hurt/comfort with Spencer’s hands and forearms, but in a cute fluffy tender way? I’ve been obsessed with them and the idea of him holding my face and holding on to his wrists or something.

Take of this what you please. Have a great day💕💕💕

Author's Note: This isn't great, but it's not bad either? I hope you enjoy!

Words: 1.8K

The autumn air whisked around me as I made my way from my car to the hospital doors, cup of coffee still warm in my hand. Luckily, I still had a few minutes to spare to get changed and enjoy my morning drink before starting my shift. 

I had a good feeling about today. I had slept well and I actually felt happy. Though, I believed that was mostly due to the fact that my boyfriend had been home after being gone for his job for five days on end. 

It felt great having him in my arms again. 

Spencer was an agent with the BAU, the department of the FBI that focused on the behaviors of the criminals based on profiles. While I always thought his job was incredibly interesting and loved hearing about how he and the team had caught a serial killer, the fear and anxiety I felt about Spencer getting hurt on the job took the upperhand most of the time. 

I was happy to have him home, even if it was just for short periods of time. 

As I started getting changed into my scrubs, my phone rang in my pocket. A smile made its way to my lips as my boyfriend’s name appeared on the screen and picked up, wedging the phone between my ear and shoulder whilst taking my jeans off. 

“Hiya, Pretty Boy.” 

I could hear the smile in his voice as he answered. “Hi, Lovely. You got to work okay?” 

“Yeah, I did. Just got in,” I replied and pulled on my pink scrubs. “There’s some leftover pancakes from my playdate with Jack and Henry yesterday morning in the fridge for you, if you like.” 

“Oh, yeah, I found the pancakes – thanks.” He chuckled. “Why didn’t you wake me up when you left?”

I grabbed the phone in my hand again and closed my locker with my free hand. “I tried to,” a chuckle rolled off my lips. “You were fast asleep, Baby. I couldn’t get you to wake up, no matter how hard I tried.” 

“Ahh, that was the tickling feeling I felt on my face,” he mumbled, chuckling again. 

Remembering how I had tried to kiss him awake that morning, peppering his face with featherlight kisses made my smile widen. “Oh, no, that wasn’t me. I’m sure that was Mrs. Volaski’s cat on your face,” I told him jokingly, which made him let out an airy laugh. “Will you be home tonight?” 

“I think so. Haven’t heard from JJ, so it seems we’ll be getting our two days off after all,” he said and I could tell he was smiling widely. The idea of Spencer being home when I got home caused flutters in my stomach. “I’m cooking for you tonight.”

The flutters quadrupled. Not only was I going to have the sweetest boy in my arms for one more night, he was going to cook for me. Knowing him, that would mean the most romantic night that was going to end in bed. 

“Ooh, I’m gonna be proper spoiled tonight, huh?” I asked, smirking. 

“You betcha,” said Spencer. “My princess deserves to be spoiled.” 

I couldn’t stop the blush from spreading across my cheeks as I made my way out of the locker room and into the briefing room where most of my coworkers already were. “I’m looking forward to it,” I said, softly, so my coworkers wouldn’t hear. “I gotta go, Spence, the briefing’s starting.” 

“All right. See you tonight, Lovely.” 

“See you tonight.” 

I hung up the phone and tucked it into the pocket of my scrub shirt before joining my coworker’s side. Aisha smiled at me, one of those teasing smiles she would always give me whenever we were talking about either one of our love lives. 

“The genius is home?” she asked, nudging me with her elbow. 

I nodded my head and was unable to hide my smile from her or anyone else. “Yeah. He’s cooking for me tonight,” I said, almost proudly. 

“Ooh, proper romantic.” Aisha wiggled her eyebrows teasingly. 

 The two of us fell silent as the head of our department started on the debrief, though I couldn’t stop thinking about what was going to happen tonight in the confines of mine and Spencer’s apartment. However, even that didn’t help me with what was about to come. 

What I thought would be an amazing day, turned out to be one of the worst days of my life. Everything seemed to be going wrong, the family of patients were yelling at me and I felt like the world was crashing down on me. It wasn’t until Minnie Wilder, one of my younger patients, started having an episode, when I officially crashed. She was throwing everything she could find, her screams bouncing off the walls. As I made my way inside to help her, I was immediately greeted by the glass of water that resided on her bedside table. 

I wasn’t fast enough to duck and the glass shattered onto my forehead, splintering into a thousand pieces, a few of which caught into my forehead. The sting of pain rushed through me before I could possibly register anything else in the room. My coworkers quickly filed into the room to calm Minnie down, only Aisha turned to me. 

“You okay, honey?” she asked, inspecting my face for any wounds other than the one gash on my forehead. “Come on, I’m gonna get you stitched up.” She grabbed my hand and tugged me toward an empty room. 

I sighed as I allowed Aisha to clean out the wound. “I thought this was gonna be a good day,” I told her, my bottom lip sticking out into a pout. “What has gotten into her?” 

“You can’t blame yourself for what happened in there, honey,” Aisha said. “You know Minnie Walker. You know she gets these episodes.”

Aisha finished stitching up the slash in my forehead as I spoke. “Yeah, I know. It’s just – This day is filled with – I don’t know, today just kinda sucks.” 

“You still got some vacation days, right?” I nodded my head in response. “Use them to take a day off. You’re going home and enjoy your boyfriend’s time off. Let him spoil you.” 

I started to object, but the look on Aisha’s face said enough. She was right. This wasn’t going to end well if I kept going. I was going to end up with more than just a gash in my forehead. There was only one way to end the madness of today and that was by cuddling up to Spencer. 

After the floor manager okayed my taking a vacation day, I made my way to my locker and quickly changed back into jeans and a t-shirt before exiting towards my car. For the entire duration of the drive, I was able to withhold my tears, but as soon as I entered the apartment Spencer and I shared, I couldn’t hold it in anymore. The familiarity of the scent that screamed ‘home’, but especially the familiar honey-brown eyes that found mine when I walked in, made the walls around my heart crumble. 

“Lovely?” Spencer said, his brows furrowed in confusion. 

The words couldn’t pass my lips, the tears choking me up as I held out my arms for him to take me into a hug, undoubtedly making me look like an infant wanting their mommy to hold them. Spencer didn’t wait for me to explain what was going on and simply wrapped me up into a hug, holding me tight and allowing me to sob into his shirt. 

I inhaled his scent and cherished the way his arms felt around my waist, the way I could feel his heart beating against mine. Allowing my breathing to sync up with his, I finally calmed down. 

“Hey, what’s going on?” he asked, noticing how I had grown into putty in his arms. 

He carefully pushed me off him, but made sure I didn’t go too far by keeping me at arm’s length. His eyes landed on my stitched-up forehead and I noticed how they widened in shock. Instead of making a big deal out of it and panicking, Spencer stayed calm and placed his hands flat on my cheeks. 

I loved when he did that. His palms would cover the expanse of my jaw whilst his long, tender fingers reached into my hair, his thumbs caressing the apples of my cheeks. 

“A patient threw a glass at me,” I explained, chuckling at how ridiculous it now all seemed. 

“What?” 

I placed my hands on his wrists in hopes that would keep his hands in place. It would allow the warmth to seep from my cheeks to the rest of my nearly-freezing body. 

My thumbs fled across his skin in slow strokes, mostly so the movement would calm me down more than it would help him. “It’s not like she attacked me. One of my patients just had an episode. I just have terrible timing.”

For someone who just had the worst day of her life, I seemed pretty calm. I couldn’t be stressed around Spencer for too long. He would always kiss the stress away or cuddle the bad thoughts away or he would place his hands on my face and just hold it there, allowing the warmth back into my bones. 

“Do you wanna watch Hocus Pocus and eat some chocolate?” he then suggested. “I got your favorite.” 

My eyes lit up at the thought. He smiled at my reaction before dipping down and kissing me softly. His hands then moved away from my face and one of them moved to engulf my hand instead, bringing the warmth to my palm and fingertips. 

Spencer’s hands were just lovely like that. Whether they were on my face, holding my hand or placed on the small of my back to guide me somewhere. It was always tender. Always so insanely warm. 

Once Spencer had procured the chocolate and I had put the movie at the ready, the two of us cuddled up on the sofa. For an hour and thirty-six minutes, all I could hear was the cackle of the witches mixed with Spencer’s steady heartbeat, the stress of the day long forgotten. 

My head laid in his lap while I fidgeted with his fingers, intertwining and detangling them with mine. I didn’t even notice I was doing it until Spencer pointed it out. 

“You enjoying yourself there?” he asked, an amused tone in his voice. 

I intertwined our fingers again and brought them to my chest before turning to look up at him. “I just love your hands.” 

A smile appeared on Spencer’s lips. “And I love you.” 

He bent down to kiss me deeply. Once he straightened up again, I couldn’t help but grin. 

“Ditto.” 

Everything taglist: @calamitykaty @n0wornever @wanniiieeee @unnowhatthisistbh

Criminal Minds Taglist: 

@boimlers-gonna-boim @samsbirks @tinaasthings @dysphoricsanity @love4lando @elenamoncada-ibarra @r-3dlips @magstheslayer @astess @sylvcaplath @tillypettitt @mordechaisworld @ssameadows @spikedhe4rt @spencers-bookworm @littlemissaddict @kirbybean

[lucidlivi]

Chosen For Pleasure (XI)

Series Masterlist/Warnings

Tag List: @ladysparkles78 @suckitands33 @little-x-wolf @stoneyggirl2 @creative-writing92 @jc-winchester @mrsjenniferwinchester @lessons-of-red @jamerlynn @deans-spinster-witch @kazsrm67 @deans-baby-momma @willow-sages @ritz-hell-hotel @perpetualabsurdity @mhessellund @itzabbyxx @chriszgirl92 @abbybarnesstuff @larrem88 @commonsenseishard @impalaspixie @notsogoofyjelly @hzllxhoundxx @taylortots-world @k-slla @heavenlyackles @spnfamily-j2 @buckybarnes-1917 @foxyjwls007 @spnbaby-67 @readingsins (if you would like to be added to my list, please send me a message or an ask!)

Fluffy Angsty Chapter! Also this skips around some, just bear with me... trying to get you guys to the juicy stuff! It all makes sense, just have to use your imagination to fill in some gaps!

"and his pass is canceled for the convention this weekend right?" Jensen spoke over the phone.

I was curled up on his sofa wrapped in a robe. At this point the tears have stopped, but the feeling of disgust was still present. I couldn't believe that happened. I was starting to wonder if I was giving him the wrong impression. Jensen assured me many times that it wasn't my fault.

I heard him grumble a few more words before he hung up. Jensen came over to the sofa, picking me up and cuddling me into his lap.

"It's over, he's done at the company, you won't have to see him again." Jensen said running a hand through my hair.

"he's really gone?"

"he's gone."

I took a deep breath and cuddled in to him closer.

"It's not your fault, you know that right?"

"did I give him the wrong impression?" I asked sitting up so I could look at him.

"no, absolutely not, it was him, you did nothing wrong, you hear me nothing." Jensen said cupping a hand to my cheek.

I realized Jensen was right. I told him no. I never gave any indication that I was in to him. It was him. It wasn't me. I just needed to accept that.

"thanks for lending me your robe, I couldn't stand to be in those clothes another minute." I said as I cuddled the material closer to me.

Jensen was a big guy, so this thing swallowed me whole, but it was undeniably comfortable. It was silent for a few moments before Jensen broke the tension.

"you know uh, if you wanted, you could move some of your stuff in here.......or like all of your stuff." Jensen said rubbing his hand along his neck nervously.

I choked on my breath at his offer.

"are you uh asking me to move in with you?"

"I guess I am....I just I was worried about you today, I couldn't protect you and that scared me. I want to protect you, I want you around." He rambled.

I felt my heart swell. I didn't think I could fall harder for this man than I am right now.

"can I think about it?"

"of course."

****************************************************

"didn't you guys hear Gray resigned unexpectedly last night?" A female coworker gossips to Stella and myself.

Of course we knew the truth.

If I thought Stella was mad about Jensen, she was furious about Gray.

I sighed walking in to his office, memories of yesterday replaying in my head. I wasn't sure if I was still going to have a job after all of this. Gray appointed me senior editor, but now I'm realizing that was just part of his sick ploy. If they knew the real reason he left, I was definitely a conflict of interest.

The head of HR Bonnie was frantically looking around his desk. She glanced up at me before quickly glancing back down.

"oh good, just the person I wanted to see." Bonnie said rummaging through papers on his desk.

Here it comes. I'm fired. I knew it.

"Gray resigned last night, no word why, he's got a meeting today with the owner of the magazine and you're probably the only one who knows his stuff." Bonnie said in a rush.

I felt a sigh of relief. They didn't know.

"so I'm not fired?" I blurted out, before I could stop myself.

"why would you be fired?" Bonnie asked stopping her searching to gaze at me.

"It's just uh, Gray appointed me this position so I didn't know if.." I started my lie, but I couldn't think of how to finish.

I was thankful that Bonnie was too distracted to break down what I was actually saying.

"quite the opposite actually, I need you to temporarily fill in for Gray at today's meeting." Bonnie said handing me a stack of papers.

I realized it was the draft for this months magazine.

"wait you want me to fill in?" I asked shocked.

"you're right that's too much and..."

"no I'll do it." I said quickly.

Gray stole a part of me, now I was taking it back.

I breathed a shaky sigh as I walked in to the conference room. All of the executives were there making small talk. I gave a small smile, informing them I'd be filling in for Gray today. I listened to the men talk over each other as they were discussing the essential items to put in this months magazine. I was a little timid, being the only woman in the room.

"maybe we need to be featuring some new voices." I spoke barely above a whisper.

Suddenly all eyes were on me.

"I mean people are going to get tired of the same stale material, but we have plenty of reporters who write amazing articles if we took the time to sift through them I think we could reach more people." I explained, suddenly finding my voice.

"that's ridiculous." one of the men said rolling his eyes.

"no, that's smart, I love it." David, the CEO of our company said.

I could feel eyes on me as the meeting wrapped up. I went to grab the papers when David stood in front of me.

"what did you say your job was again?" He asked.

"oh uh I was just filling in for Gray, I'm just a photographer, and I edited the photographs."

"hm, well how about you permanently fill in for Gray?" David said smiling.

"wait you want me to be the chief editor?" I asked, not believing what was happening to me.

"I do, and your first job is to find me some new voices." David said giving me a nod.

****************************************************

"to the new chief editor." Jensen said raising his wine glass.

"you didn't have anything to do with this did you?" I asked giving him a look.

"no sweetheart that was all you."

"sorry, it's just I don't really believe it myself." I laughed clanking my wine glass against his.

"well believe it, that was all pure talent from you."

"it's just that people are talking." I sighed.

"who cares, let them talk, because you earned it." Jensen smiled.

our waiter brought the check over to our table. I quickly grabbed it so he couldn't pay the bill.

"gotta be quicker than that Ackles." I laughed handing it to the waiter.

He shook his head before grabbing my hand and bringing it up to his lips to place a tender kiss on it. I felt the butterflies erupting in my stomach. I gazed at him lovingly, but suddenly something caught my eye.

It was her.

The girl.

"what is it?" Jensen asked, noticing my change in demeanor.

I took my eyes off the girl to glance at Jensen, however when I glanced back she was gone again. I felt like I was going crazy. I swear I saw her a second ago.

"uh, a couple days ago, there was this girl outside my work, she knew my name, but it seemed like she knew more than that." I said feeling a chill run down my spine.

"you know we should go get you a dress before all the shops close." Jensen said, avoiding the conversation.

"you know something don't you?"

"I don't know anything, probably just some crazy fan girl who saw you with me and is trying to get close to me." He shrugged it off, grabbing my hand and pulling me out the door.

"okay two things, one that was very pretentious of you, and two I thought we said no more secrets."

"It's not a secret."

"and you're a terrible liar." I glared.

He took a deep breath knowing he'd been caught.

"Riley..., we fooled around a couple years ago." Jensen started to explain.

He was hesitant to continue but I urged him on.

"what happened with her?"

"what alway happened, she wanted more, I didn't. I broke it off, and she was devastated....I mean she eventually ended up getting married, but her husband left her, and now she's convinced we were meant to be together." He said taking a deep breath before continuing.

"In uh California, the day on the boat when I took the call, she uh showed up to one of my ale houses and slit her wrists trying to get my attention, it nearly gave my patrons a heart attack, my guys have been looking for her ever since, the girl needs help she's unstable." Jensen explained.

"oh my god Jensen, you didn't think this would be something worth mentioning to me!?"

"I didn't want you to worry about it."

"I thought we weren't going to keep secrets anymore, this seems like a pretty major thing to be keeping from me!"

"I thought I was protecting you." He said putting a hand to my cheek but I moved back a step letting it fall.

"well you see how that worked out cause she's clearly found me." I said feeling a little frightened.

If she was that unstable, who knew what she was capable of.

"I won't let you get hurt." Jensen said pulling me in to a hug.

I let him, wanting his comfort.

"I'm not going to let her hurt you." Jensen said kissing my temple.

****************************************************

I looked in the mirror one last time, soothing out the silk midnight blue evening gown.

It really was beautiful.

I tried on many different ones before settling on this one. It was simple, but elegant, kind of how I would describe myself. I didn't need some thousand dollar dress, of course Jensen didn't let me pay anyways.

As the cashier was ringing me up, Jensen swiped his credit card before I could even get mine out.

"gotta be quicker than that (L/N)." He smirked mocking me from earlier.

I smiled at the memory.

It was the night of the ball and I was a bundle of nerves. It's been a whirlwind of a week, from being promoted to the new chief editor, to finding out there's a crazy girl out to get me.

"wow." I heard a voice call from the doorway.

I turned around to see Jensen standing clad in a royal blue suit. He looked breathtaking, the blue bringing out the color of his eyes.

"wow yourself." I smiled.

"you look beautiful." Jensen said.

I smiled, turning back towards the mirror. Jensen came up behind me, kissing my neck.

"so. fucking. beautiful." he whispered between kisses.

I choked back a moan, cocking my head to the side so he'd have better access.

"mm as much as I want to rip this dress off of you, I believe we have a ball to attend." Jensen smiled.

I let him lead me outside, but was shocked to find Cole standing in front of a limo.

"Jensen this is too much." I said laughing while offering Cole a smile.

"only the best for my lady." Jensen smirked.

Jensen and I sipped on champagne as we traveled.

Sometimes I felt like I was truly living in a dream, like one day I would wake up and find out that I had some serious head trauma from my fall and that none of this was actually real.

I didn't realize how quiet I was being until Jensen spoke up.

"what's going on in that pretty little head of yours?" Jensen asked, tucking a piece of stray hair behind my ears.

"just that all of this feels like a dream, you feel like a dream."

Jensen smiled, scooting a little closer to me. He placed a hand on my cheek, stroking my cheekbone with his thumb.

"It's not a dream, I'm real baby, this is real."

I stared at the handsome man before me, and before I could stop it, the words fell from my lips.

"Jensen I love you."

I could see that he was taken back for a second.

"I don't expect you to say it back, not until you feel comfortable, I just wanted to let you know." I quickly explained.

although I was dying for him to say it back, I wouldn't say so.

"(y/n) I..."

"HERE" Cole shouted as the limo slowed down.

Of course.

Jensen smiled at me, as Cole opened the door offering me his hand. I grabbed it letting him help me out of the limo. Jensen got out after me, offering me his arm.

"your masks Mr. Ackles." Cole said opening a brief case revealing two masquerade type masks.

I gave him a look, the smile already finding it's way to my face.

"oh didn't I mention this was a masquerade ball?" Jensen smirked putting on his mask before helping me tie mine.

"no that never came up." I laughed.

Jensen finished tying the mask, once again offering me his arm. I linked his arm with mine, letting him lead me through the crowd of people. I noticed a couple guys in all black suits following us.

"I'm guessing these guys belong to you?" I asked.

"just extra security.. I told you, I'm not going to let you get hurt." He assured.

"you won't even know they're here." He added.

Somehow I doubted that, but I didn't want to ruin our night. I saw eyes glance our way as we made our way through the masked individuals.

"everyone is looking at us." I told Jensen suddenly feeling a little insecure.

"not us, you... you're the prettiest girl here tonight." Jensen flirted.

I rolled my eyes playfully slapping his shoulder.

It was elegant in here, everyone was dressed up, donning masks so we couldn't tell who was who. It was a magical moment, something I could only dream about growing up. A body stopped in front of us, and by the sheer size of it I could tell right away that it was Jared.

"I'm so sorry man, I didn't know she would be here." Jared quickly rushes out.

He turns around gazing in the direction of a blonde girl in a formfitting red dress. Even with a mask on I could tell she was beautiful. I glance at Jensen and notice that his entire demeanor has changed. He was no longer smiling, instead he looked like a lost, sad soul. I felt a burning in my chest as I asked the question that was weighing heavily on my mind.

"is that..."

"Elle."

Author Note:

I'm so sorry ya'll, I really be the annoying ass cliffhanger author. I have to keep you coming back for more though! I'm also sorry it's a shorter update, but we're really getting in to the thick of it now! I really hope you're enjoying, thanks so much for all the love already, please keep continuing to heart, comment, reblog, and follow, it makes us authors want to continue! I love you all!

xoxo

Liv

Part (XII)

[fingerlickin]

Gratitude :::

yesterday I had to get my car smog checked after finally getting the work done on it to fix the issue (my registration was over a year expired… eek face) the business I went to was really just a man named Mohammed who packed me a bag of dates and sesame cookies he said were made by Syria refugees. He was so kind, and genuine, and strong in his faith and asked me to pray for peace in the holy land which I did and will.

I made a salad of kale, arugula, fennel, honey crisp, pomegranate, pistachios and goat cheese w a honey dijon dressing for my boss and my other coworker made **incredible** carrot cake w crystallized ginger, toasted coconut, and cream cheese/whipped cream frosted cupcakes, and picked up an arizmendi mushroom pizza to have an early birthday celebration for her. It was really sweet and one of those casual days where you relax and talk about real ass shit but get a lot done too. We talked about our favorite moon phases visually and learned my coworker and her (very New Jersey not woo) family have a lot of spoken superstition about new and full moon behavior. And it was warm but the light was that autumn low and I always get that really familiar feeling of being a kid the first month of school. The blue angels were zooming over but I never spotted them.

Car shit continued: I spent like 2.5 hours at the dmv waiting yesterday (beautiful view of the mountain from the parking lot where I hung out instead of sitting inside) to get my citation stamped bc I got a ticket for the expired registration. I also paid so much money over the last few weeks bc I had parking tickets and bridge fare tickets I willfully ignored for a year+ bc I was scared to face it all. So incredibly wasteful and stupid!! But it’s done now and I pulled it all off, and spent my tiny savings, and it does feel like a weight off and a freedom from a shame. And I won’t put myself in that kind of situation again. Debts nearly all cleared.

Returning a favor for local friends by watching their dog for the next two days. It was not asked in that way but I’m so happy to be able to help them after they’ve so kindly helped me before. And I get to spend a couple nights in a cute lil house w a backyard and a pug (who I’m a lil iffy on lmao tbh).

[phoenix-alive]

there is an autumnal change in me

i don't know what it is, but i feel a shift happening. last night i hung out with jon and raven and they were some of the nicest, most generous, accepting and kind people i've been around in a long time. when jon picked me up, he played out an inside joke between us, and then asked me if I knew All Time Low and proceeded to show me their rerecorded version of Dear Maria, Count Me In. We ate dinner at Ninja and he stopped me while I was talking about Mort Garson and chinese music to tell me he loved how much I was smiling while I was talking. I was aware in that moment that it had been a really long time since someone had brought out that side of me, the part I usually mask, the unbridled joy, that I felt comfortable enough to let rise to the surface. the passionate side that i usually keep battoned down in order to maintain appearances. at his place, Raven greeted me and then handed me a binder. I knew that's what she was handing me, but it took my brain a while to compute that she - who barely knows me - was invested in supporting me being who I am, and having the resources I need. it was so new, and yet I know I'd had joy like that before, just maybe never as an adult. as jon drove me home, we listened to Lithonia, and then Dear Maria came on again, and then Playing God by Paramore, and I watched the nighttime landscape and heavy orange moon outside my window realizing, that a feeling I'd lost for a very long time was returning. the last time I knew someone who made me feel like I could be myself, the whole self, was Brit in middle school. I was having memories of how they made me feel, when I was goofy and smiling and weird, and all the music they showed me, and the way they enjoyed being close to the actual me. they showed me All Time Low and Paramore, and bands I'd set aside when the closeness with them ended, and although the music was only the overt, surface-level manifestation of the connection, it intensified this feeling that this was the first time in a long time that i've had a real, genuine friendship, without relying on a mask

each time I hang out with him, I feel myself opening up more, rather than exist in a constant form, like my stagnant friendships of the past where I was the person I constructed myself to be, and stayed that person throughout knowing them. I remember I'd get high with college friends, but always become shy and guarded as I feared the real parts of me would spill out in the intoxication. I loved them but never really opened up to them. Maybe, except Annie, whom I dreamt about two nights ago. In the darkened car, I felt a grief for my teens and 20s that I didn't spend listening to music and going on drives and singing in the car with my friends. But listening to Jon harmonize and nodding my head along, I realized there would come a day where I won't feel the need to sit quietly next to him but will also be singing along, and I know he's here for that journey of mine

i told him something akin to this as I got out of the car last night, and he gave me a thumbs up and told me to be me

today, after the pouring tropical storm of yesterday, the august breezes wave autumnal. the grief of realizing my coworkers are not my friends and don't even necessarily like me is becoming easily dismissible as the wake of one genuine friendship gives me the foundation to sit sipping my matcha with the window open and feel hopeful. a fall hopefulness, like the return of school, the return to newness, a return. how I felt going to sarah lawrence, but matured, lost, and found. i am not generally happy with how things are going with me, but today I feeel what i hope is a true shifting tide, and a pull towards living again

[boyswanna-be-her]

Let me preface this by saying that I'm recounting all of this kind of mundane shit about BFR for myself because guaranteed I'm going to be trying to understand/recap this narrative while im lonely in colorado. And honestly I know it's gonna be easy for me to forget details and second-guess shit that feels so obvious to me in the moment. So if you don't want a blow by blow of this absolutely PG romantic relationship, just skip this one for now.

Today was really nice and the first day in a little while where I haven't had anything pressing to do. It was pouring at the clinic today--has been all week. Yesterday I sat in my front seat w BFR and we smoked a joint together and made fun of the one wet protester until the rain passed. Great morning.

We had lunch together at one of my favorite taco spots in my old neighborhood, and then we had to walk back to the thai place where we ate dinner the night before bc they'd left their sunglasses behind. We went to a coffee shop for a while where they patiently waited for me to be done with a working meeting on my laptop. Then we took a walk in the park in between rain. It was just seamless, idk. There's no question that we'll go do the next thing together. When the rain wouldn't let up at the park, I suggested we go to one of my fave places in the city, and I drove us to a giant used bookstore that was a few miles away.

I didn't realize until we got there that they'd never been before!! I try to take everyone I can there if they're from out of town, and it is ABSOLUTELY my favorite place to both take a new date and have a special date with an established partner. I don't feel guilty about taking basically everyone I've ever dated there--a good date is a good date. There's a lot of built-in conversation to be had and it's easier than a bar and free to wander around. We accidentally killed an enormous amount of time there, and we shot the shit about 20th century history which is my jam, so amazing to talk abt it w someone who can hang, READS, and doesn't have anything to prove in terms of static knowledge recall.

We hung out for a little while but they had yoga and I wanted to head home so we split up after that and it felt... weird? Like it always feels like there's this last step we are missing to our goodbyes. They forced a hug one time when we were saying goodbye from the clinic, but it was really early on and RIGHT when I was coming to terms with being attracted to them (like second time seeing them after having the realization) which means I was in ultra robot mode, and also assumed it was one-sided and they were just trying to be nice. Like I literally think I did a one arm side hug and they were so dejected they never tried again. Now we're weeks later and it feels weird that we're not kissing goodnight or something.

But I had the evening to myself and finally broke down and talked to someone from my real life about them. He was very affirming that I'm not insane, and just recapping the timeline to someone made it make more sense in my mind. I didn't even have to present half of my evidence for my friend to say yeah, that's going in A Direction. I just second guess it all for a variety of reasons, but for example when I screenshotted a text and sent it as evidence that I feel like they text me like a coworker sometimes, my friend pointed out that nobody in the history of neutral coworkers has ever crafted such a long and careful text. Which. Touche.

This morning we were back out at the clinic bright and early. My friend was supposed to join us but she couldn't at the last minute. Instead she dropped into the chat and asked if someone could fill in for her. If I didn't feel like we were already attracting attention (spoiler: we are), i would've REALLY preferred to jump in and say "noooo worries, no third wheel needed please." But we are getting a little visible. So I didn't. And BFR's friend jumped in to take my friend's place volunteering with us.

I ended up being really happy the friend was there though! The two of us are more like a couple when there IS a third person there, although the vibe can be a lot to navigate sometimes and I often have to shut down and take some time to myself. It wasn't unwelcome to have him there though. It makes the vibe between me & bfr more apparent, pronounced, whatever. We already have such a shorthand in common which 😍 wrow, communication fluency.

I invited his friend to lunch with us, and he accepted, and it was fun--I took them to my favorite Greek place which is legit like three blocks from the clinic.

Friend went on his way, the two of us moved to the next location: their favorite spot to work. I also love this location bc you can watch the afternoon rain and vape furiously on the porch without getting wet. Like I said, today was the first day in a while where neither of us had much to do in the way of work. They have been threatening to inflict their favorite board game on me for a while now, and it finally happened today. I am notoriously uninterested in board games (more like bored games amiright) but the combo of my biggest fan being excited to teach/compliment me on how AMAZING i am at it (rofl lying but ok) and the inherent fun of the game meant that I, uh, had a lot of fun, unfortunately.

We did two REALLY close rounds, and in the second game they almost fully missed a work call they had at 7:00 (I remembered bc i am insane but I also didn't mention it until 6:50 bc I thought maybe they were goofing on me and pretending like they'd lost track of time). Turns out they had been planning on muting and barely looking at the meeting anyway bc they didn't wanna stop playing--which is flattering but I'm also like "[Redacted], i already very much want the best for you, INCLUDING not becoming completely codependent and risking your living bc im so charming and fun" so there was a lot of me pausing the play and asking about the meeting.

By the time that was over, we were already butting up against the time we were supposed to meet their friends to lift tonight. We hadn't eaten dinner but they offered to feed me at their place which was perfect. We went straight back and holy shit their homemade leftovers were delicious.

Their friends came on time to lift and the first thing out of the mouth of the one who knows me better was "you and [redacted] have really been spending a lot of time together huh?" The two of us made eye contact and kinda laughed and BFR said "yep" and both made the 😬 face and the friend wouldn't let it go and repeated "you guys spend all day together now..." and my 😬 face couldn't get any more intense and he said "all day... today..." i said "yep we're pretty codependent." (I'd made the same not-joke yesterday when I was very truly pointing out that I don't remember what to do with my alone time anymore, and they not-jokingly replied "yeah we've ruined each other." Which like. At least we're aware.) Only later did I realize that BFR mustve been talking to the friend about it bc I definitely wasn't and there was no public talk about it in our shared discord so 👀 bitch i see u chatting in private abt me.

Lifting was incredible as always. Their friends who are a decade younger than us and sometimes join us, sometimes don't, really crack me up and I have such a good rapport with one of the guys that I think I lift better with him around (the one who was giving us a hard time tonight). He dishes out the abuse I give him while lifting, which I love. Between him and bfr, I feel like a fucking all-star lifter in that little garage gym. They talk positively about my form when they don't even realize I can hear them. Even so, BFR will not hesitate to call me out when a lift looks bad or I need a cue.

So yeah. It's nice. Hanging out at their place, being fed, getting let in on a LOT more inner details than I got in the first months of knowing them. That's all lovely. I always try to text them and let them know when I've had a lot of fun with them, and that's just basically turned into a nightly check-in. On Sunday, I got a very coworkery (imo) message from them about enjoying our time together, thanking me for my "wonderful company," thanking me for spending so much time together, thanking me for attending so many events with them, and saying that they are "definitely down to keep hanging out in the future." At the time I felt like "that's a weirdly formal way to put all this" but getting home to tonight's much more neurotic message made it make more sense (along w the feedback from a trusted friend who makes good points). Like it was a careful message because they are being exceedingly careful with me. They know some of my more obvious damage (all the psychic sucking chest wounds are hard to ignore after a few weeks of learning about me, and i've been going out of my way to be quite "warts and all" with them). They value our time together A LOT. And the more that I understand our similarities, the more I know that they're also likely really fucking scared to endanger the chemistry of this friendship by introducing ANY other dynamic.

Im finally getting to the end here. Tumblr will probably eat this entry. I'm posting it before a full edit--RIP anyone parsing this.

But the message that I came home to tonight was FINALLY a little more vulnerable, and essentially said that if I want to spend LESS time with them, I'm going to have to tell them that straight up, and that that'll be ok, but if so they need to lnow because this is the amount of time they want to spend with me (all of it), and they don't anticipate that changing.

So! Guess I'll puke and die now! Literally spent five minutes last night considering how I could smuggle them to Colorado with me. Also I haven't had anywhere to put this but since this is an all-bfr all the time blog now, we are going to go on a trip together to chicago in August! There's an actual reason to go other than lovefest vacation (pretty much a work trip for them that I've been asked to tag along for) but as we are actually finalizing the trip plans, it definitely feels more than a little bit like we are going on a lovefest vacation. Which is all the more reason why it would be great to not be hella conspicuous (even though it's a little fun being hella conspicuous).

Like I didn't need another human to come validate my existence, but I *did* need to meet someone who could threaten the idea that I'm ready to die alone. It's nice. It's all nice!! I'm definitely not crying and throwing up!!!

[kanazawa-division]

ARB Birthday Special: Joey Kurusu

~~ October 9th ~~

“The dead cannot cry out for justice. It is a duty of the living to do so for them.”

Login Lines:

“Oh shit! Oh shit! I’m late for work! Haaah…why didn’t my alarms go off?! I set up six of them! Man, I knew I shouldn’t stayed up all night gaming! Wataru’s gonna have my a-huh?”

“What’s this? A present? And it’s for me!…Oh crap, so that’s why my alarms didn’t go off, it’s my birthday, haha!”

Voice Lines:

“Damn, I’m 24 now. I know it’s not a huge milestone or anything but after all the shit I went through and coming close to death more times than I would like to admit, I’ve come to learn that time is very precious and I’m thankful for every minute, hour, day, and year that I’m alive….wow, that was hella sappy lmao.”

“Everyone at the station sent me a happy birthday! Even the Narcotics Unit and those guys don’t talk to anyone! Man, it feels like yesterday I was just joining the force, I’m glad to make such nice and cool friends.”

“Hm? Oh, yeah, I’m fine. I just got a text from my dad, he wished me a happy birthday….’why do I look angry?’ I’m not angry! Really, I’m not! It’s just….this is the first time he’s reached out to me in four years…yeah…I don’t wanna talk about it.”

“Hahaha! Oh man, my mom is hilarious! She sent me a book a puns….a book of police puns, hehe. Oh, I am definitely going to use these on Wataru and Kyler, maybe this is the day I finally get a smile out of both of them! Wish me luck!”

“Hey Shanny….I’m sorry I haven’t visited in a while, work’s got me in a chokehold right now, especially with all the DRB stuff happening…but I haven’t forgotten you, I would never forget you. I hope you’re doing okay wherever you are, I hope that you’re happy, your big bro is working really hard to find whoever took you away, they’ll get what’s coming to them, I promise.”

“Sorry guys but I’m spending the day with my lovely Mamoru! It’s been a while since we’ve been on a date, I know it’s my birthday but I wanna make this special for him….Yeah, yeah, laugh it up, call me a simp, whatever, I’d gladly be his Tier 3 Sub!….Wait-“

“Wataru! Buddy! You’re here! And here I thought you forgot about little ol’ me!…Ouch! That’s so mean! C’mon man, we’ve known each other for how long?…You’re so cold Wataru, you’re lucky I’m here to thaw that frozen aura of yours, otherwise you’d never have any friends haha, ooooh! A gift! From you! Let’s see what it is!”

“It’s a….a….okay, I’m stumped, what even is this?….Ohhhhh…This is…nice….I guess…Hey! My desk is not messy! Maybe to you but I can easily find whatever I need no problem! It’s called ‘organized chaos’, dude, there’s a method to the madness…Holy fuck, you’re old-“

“Kyler! My dude! Good to see you, man! Feels like it’s been forever since we last hung out…that’s still too long! C’mon dude, not only are we teammates but we’re friends! We should hang out outside of our jobs! Hm? You got something for me? Your bestie? Aw, you shouldn’t have…I’m joking, gimme.”

“Whooooa, sick! A new game! Deadpool huh? This is a character from your American comic books, right? Niiiiiice! I’ve been wanting to play more western games, this is just what I wanted! Thanks Ky! We definitely have to play this together, a game night with the boys! It’ll be awesome!”

Wataru Lines:

“Hello Joey, happy birthday…to be honest, I had completely forgot it was your birthday and even when I remembered, I originally wasn’t going to do anything…*sigh* For the umpteenth time, we are not friends, we are coworkers, I don’t know why that hasn’t clicked for you…Good grief, just take this.”

“It’s a desk organizer, something I noticed that you desperately needed ever since you started working here. It’s irritating to pass by your desk and see all sorts of junk everywhere, I implore you to use it, there is only so many times I can see your Hatsuno Miki pencils and notebooks lying around so haphazardly.”

Kyler Lines:

“Sup Joey, happy birthday, man…we literally just solved a case four days ago, alright, alright, you might have a point. Speaking of, I got something for you, I figured you would like it….fine then, I’ll give it to someone else…yeah, yeah, you’re welcome by the way.”

“It’s the Deadpool video game, I had it imported all the way from America to here so you better enjoy it…Nice, I’m glad you like it, I’ll admit, you do kinda remind me of him sometimes…but without the regeneration abilities, ducked up face, and is somehow more annoying. *Sigh* Y’know what? Sure, just text me when and I’ll be there, happy birthday, Jo.”

[coffinlid]

If y’all wanna hear some shit read below the cut. It’s a lot. Sorry 🩷

OK SO! Yesterday I go into work at 4 and one of my coworkers immediately tells me that the restaurant is closed Saturday. I was like oh ok…. Why? Like shut down for the day or…. And he said no like the business is shutting down forever. He kinda jumped the gun bc soon after the director of operations (Pete) gathers all of the evening crew around and lets us know the situation.

(I’m gonna try to explain some context without being confusing. The company I work for owns 3 restaurants. The restaurant I work at is technically not owned by them, but they manage it for the original owner/landlord. The landlord (who fucked off to the Dominican Republic because he’s in trouble with the law) saw our finances for the first time in like a year and decided to just shut it all down. He has no restaurant experience and doesn’t understand the concept of slow season in the food world. Yes, business has been slow since November. However, we are ALWAYS popping off spring-fall. Business BOOMS. Well. Landlord guy gave our company an ultimatum.)

Pete explains that himself, the CEO, and I guess some of the other corporate people tried reasoning with landlord and even just begged to let the restaurant stay open until spring when business picks up. Landlord said they could do 3 things:

1. Buy the restaurant from him for an astronomical amount

2. Continue to run the restaurant but with absolutely no financial support from him from now on (which we were already kind of doing for a year…)

3. Shut down the whole bitch

Our company can’t afford to keep the restaurant with no support so they had to concede to landlord and just shut the whole thing down. And it had to be on Saturday. There was no reasoning with him. This took absolutely EVERYBODY by surprise. EVERYBODY, including corporate and head management of the restaurant, got a total of 2! DAYS! of notice.

I could tell when I walked into work yesterday that Pete and my two managers had been crying a lot. I know the GM is gonna float between the other restaurants as a training coordinator, but I have no clue what’s gonna happen to the assistant manager bc there are no other management positions available in the company. She’s pretty much just been hung out to dry. With 2 days notice.

My front of house and back of house coworkers were all discussing where we’re gonna go from here and what the fuck we do now. 2 days to find a new job. Everybody was scrambling to get each other’s socials so we can all keep in touch. This fucking sucks dude. I loved coming into work just for my coworkers, not even the work itself. I know it’s a cliche that companies call themselves a “family” but honestly truly we really were a little family.

Pete wants us all to stay within the company if we can, and I know at least 3 of us are going to transfer to one of the other restaurants. It’s technically not the end of the world, at least for servers. But I have no clue if the other restaurants have any space for back of house employees. I know I’m never gonna see some of these people ever again.

And we have a whole ass brewery in the back. And we JUST CHANGED THE MENU AND INVESTED IN ALL THIS OTHER SHIT JUST LAST FRIDAY!!!! We had 1 week with the new menu and that’s it. Everything is completely stocked. There are so many fixtures and plants and technology, so much new merch that we just bought.

Somehow a mass text went out to all the other stores and restaurants on our street that we were shutting down and we had so many people walking in to share their condolences. But this text went out before most of the restaurant even knew about it. So when they came in some of us were like uh… what are you talking about…. How the fuck did that happen???? No one knows who sent the text.

On the bright side, I got a SHIT TON of sympathy tips last night and made almost $200.

It was going to be my last night since I wasn’t scheduled for the next 2 days but thankfully my manager added me to the roster for Saturday night. So I will be there for the end of it all 🥲

[pbandjesse]

I hate day lights savings. I am so stupidly tired. Like I want to cry and put my head down. Ugh. I didn't even sleep terribly but I did not sleep enough. I couldn't fall asleep for a long time. And then we lost a whole hour! Horrible.

When I did wake up for real the sun was so bright and I was furious about it. Like just miserable and was not having a good time!!!

I got up and tried to shake off how upset I was but man. I was going through it.

I thought I would enjoy going to goodwill before I had to go to camp. But I couldn't figure out which goodwill I wanted and had to ask James for help. But like I was just not having fun.

I got dressed. I could not find the green puhtok shirt I wanted to wear so I wore the grey one. I tried not to be miserable.

I had a vegan sausage patty and two rice crispies for breakfast. I hung out at my desk in our bedroom and put on my jewelery and was very excited to wear my necklace that I made last night. Made is a strong word. The jewelery drill came yesterday and I was able to drill out the ring I wanted to turn into a pendant and it worked! I'm thrilled.

I left here at 1015. Even though the goodwill didn't open until 11? I thought I could walk around Aldi first.

And I did that but I didn't life this Aldi and it was very very busy. I felt very stressed. I felt very upset. I was texting Jess and just absolutely going through it.

I think some of my upset was being exhausted. But also just wanting to desperately going home and being alone. That's all I wanted. But there was to much to do.

I would finally get to walk around goodwill. I did not find shoes. But I did find a new fleece and it would only be $2.99! Amazing. And while the shape is a little funny, and gives me big shoulders, it's very cozy. And it's lined and I really like it.

I went to camp next. Somehow missed a turn and got confused and it took me an extra 15 minutes but whatever.

I missed Alexi's text about getting us something from dough run. But that's okay.

I had to tell Alexi that someone stole the quad poster from the car. I feel terrible about it. And she was so nice about it. I'm horribly embarrassed. Cause literally nothing else was taken from the car, except my Nike hoodie. And we are all like. What did they think it was?? It's a big black case. Elizabeth thinks they thought it might be a gun case? Who knows. But I am still really bummed.

This afternoon was super busy. First I had to drive around camp looking for the TV. Then headed to the lodge and directed some of the counselors that volunteered to work today to get soap and HDMI cords and move tables.

And for some reason they were not good at moving tables and I had to take over so they didn't hurt themselves. But they were great help and it was honestly just really nice to see them.

I would hang out with Josephine and Louisa and Kenny. Kenny made me do a scavenger hunt and then I made one for him (finding/hiding sticky notes around the lodge) and it was very fun.

And pretty soon it was time for tours! I gave 9 tours. I only took groups to youth village. And I would run them through a whole day of camp. What a week looks like. What drop off looks like. Some advice for things to pack. I answered questions and tried to make it fun. Like I would make the kids cover their ears when I told parents about sending mail (you just drop it all off on Sunday and we hand it out throughout the week) and then the kids would be like "we heard you!!" And I would pretend to be surprised.

It was fun giving tours. I love tours. But also I would get frustrated when my coworkers tried to bring their tours into the cabin we were in!! There are 4 others! Stop that!! Messing with my groove.

I would take a little break. The Friends of Puhtok group was there selling hotdogs. No veggie dogs so instead I got a roll and chips and put mustard and relish on it and ate my silly sandwich. The woman there thought I was very funny and we talked about metal casting and how cool it was we were able to do it with the older campers last year. And how we're going to do it again this year.

I would really enjoy talking to everyone today. Lots of really sweet people. Also some hardcore parents with tattoos and boots and I was like. Can we be friends??? It was a really fun day, even if I was exhausted.

Like by 3 I was like. I'm dying. But I gave 2 more tours. And would finish up right before 4. When Elizabeth said I could be free. She asked me to jump on a zoom call meeting tomorrow so we could discuss the week (everyone except me and Sarah are going to a conference) and I said sure. And would walk to the art building where my car was parked.

I texted Celia and she said she would meet me at Indian Ocean, the new Indian place that just opened.

And it was so nice! I didn't take any pictures but it was so pretty inside. Very blue. And big TV screens with fish. And very good music. It was great.

She told me all about her surgery and how the weeks been going. I told her about my struggles and wins this week. The updates at the house. We both got paneer and naan and it was so much food. Am very excited for leftovers.

We hung out for an hour. Telling jokes and being silly. I was very very tired but I was still having a good time.

We headed out and said goodbye and I went home. I was so happy to go home.

I would hug James and immediately go lay on the couch. I didn't event and my jacket off. I just laid on my face for 45 minutes before I even talked to James.

We would catch up about the day. And James would run to the store to get milk before making cinnamon Hawaiian rolls for us. Which would be fabulous. They also did some painting. I did nothing. And was so tired.

I am going to go take a quick shower and try to go to sleep. And just hope tomorrow is better. I want to enjoy the sun and not be angry at it.

Sleep well everyone. I love you all. Goodnight

[rosenallies]

I KNOW THIS IS REALLY VAGUE BUT CAN YOU WRITE A PHONE SEX PROMPT WHERE ROSIE SAYS THE LINE "SHH BABY, MOMMY'S RIGHT HERE" PLEASE PLEASE

I feel so so gross and unloved rn so lowkey thanks for this <3

Tw/ panic attack </3

——

Denali sat in the dark closet, her knees tucked to her chest while she tried to focus on the smell of Rosé’s sweaters that surrounded her, brushing her cheeks with their cashmere softness.

She knew since yesterday that Rosé would be home late that night and she had every chance to do something to pull herself out of the dark place she found herself plummeting to the second she walked through the door and there was no Rosé to kiss her or to hold her hand through dinner or to just make her feel less alone. Denali felt so alone, their two bedroom apartment too roomy for just her.

It was then she let herself begin to cry, a few stray tears turned into salt streams down her cheeks, gentle sniffles turned to heaving breaths while she fought to fill her lungs with air. Without Rosé there it felt like she was completely alone in the world, and she really supposed she was. No one would protect her from being crushed as the four walls around her closed in on her, boxing her in and making it harder and harder to breathe.

••

Rosé sighed as she trudged up the stairs to her and Denali’s apartment, it was just before midnight and she could feel exhaustion seeping into her bones. She hadn’t really wanted to go out with her coworkers but she declined again and again, so she felt she had to at least once to save face and pretend that she didn’t prefer to be alone with Denali in their little cozy apartment where they built a life, just one night out without her proved that as Rosé drove home tapping her fingers against the steering wheel impatiently at every stop light.

She walked into the dark living room, kicking off her shoes and shrugging off her coat, assuming Denali was already asleep. She kept quiet as she tip toed to the bedroom, ready to fall into bed beside her love.

It took her back when she entered the bedroom and the bed was still perfectly made, not a Denali or Donut in sight.

“Denali?” She called to no avail, the only answer she got was was the clack of Donut’s nails against the tiled bathroom floor, yawning as she stretched.

“Hi, Donie,” she cooed, “where’s Nali, huh?”

Donut whined, turning her head toward the closet and wagging her tail.

“Is she in there?” Rosé asked like the dog would answer her, “hmm, let’s go check.”

Rosé switched on the bathroom light and opened the closet door, using the light that seeped in to scan the area. At first, she thought the closet was empty, but then in the corner where her sweaters hung, Denali was curled up in a ball, fast asleep. Brows furrowed together with concern, Rosé crept closer, noticing how her cheeks were stricken with tears, dry salt white streams dirtied her soft cheeks.

“Oh sweet girl,” Rosé cooed softly, placing a tentative hand on her shoulder.

Denali mustn’t have been in too deep a sleep because the second Rosé touched her, she jumped, scooting away from her and whimpering.

“Denali? It’s me, baby, it’s Rosie,” she said.

Hiding her face in the sleeve of one of the sweaters, Denali shook her head violently. “No, please-“

“Honey, it’s me, I won’t hurt you. Please, let me see you.”

“Please, go. My girlfriend is out but she’ll be home soon, please-“ she cried.

It scared Rosé how out of it Denali was, the only other time she’d seen her like that was after she passed out from a particularly bad panic attack, when she woke she was dazed and confused, still stuck in a state of panic. Rosé’s heart dropped at the thought of Denali passing out in here, all alone and scared, falling backwards because she couldn’t catch her breath.

“It’s me, sweetheart, I promise. Here,” she said, barely above a whisper, wiggling the ring she wore from her finger, “take this. Look at yours, they’re the same because it’s me, Rosé.”

Denali took the ring, still hiding her face, but she studied it in her hand, comparing it to the one she wore on a chain around her neck. Inside the band, their initials and anniversary were engraved.

“R-Rosé,” she whimpered, pushing herself out of the dark little corner she hid herself in, “mommy?”

“Yes, darling, it’s mommy. What happened, sweet girl?”

Crawling out from behind the sweaters, Rosé nearly gasped when she saw her, a darkening bruise on her forehead, a cut with dried blood smack in the middle of it. She had to have passed out and hit her head on one of the shelves, there was no doubt in Rosé’s mind now.

“Oh pumpkin, you poor thing. Come here,” Rosé sniffed, guilt and shame eating away at her.

Tentatively, Denali crawled over to her, recognition finally settling over her face as she reached for Rosé, crying and muttering. Taking her in her arms, Rosé held her as close as she could, bracketing her in her arms while she sobbed.

“Shhh, baby, mommy’s right here. I’m right here, baby, I’m not going anywhere.”

“Mommy, help me, please,” she sobbed, her heart hammering in her chest that pressed against Rosé’s.

“Baby, you’ve got to breathe, you’re gonna pass out again or make yourself sick.”

“I-I can’t, I can’t, I can’t!”

“Okay, okay, shhh, just let mommy hold you then,” Rosé soothed, petting her hair.

She held her close and tight, applying pressure in all the places she needed it until Denali finally started to calm down some.

In a slow but sure process, Denali’s sputtering turned into hiccups pressed against Rosé’s shoulder but at the very least she wasn’t yelling anymore and she wasn’t so red in the face.

“Can we get you into bed, baby, please? You’ll be safer in there.”

Denali nodded and let Rosé lift her off the ground, carrying her effortlessly into bed where she was situated right in between Rosé’s legs, arms wrapped around her.

“Momma,” Denali whimpered pitifully, “I’m sorry.”

“Oh, don’t be, baby, you have absolutely nothing to be sorry for. I’m sorry I wasn’t there.”

Denali shook her head. “ ‘M stupid.”

“No, of course you’re not. You’re my love, you know that, don’t you? That I love you more than anything else in this whole world.”

Squirming, Denali moved so she was straddling Rosé’s thighs, tangling her arms around her and pressing her face in her neck. “I love you too, I’m so-“

“No,” Rosé stopped her, “no more ‘sorry’s’. Can you tell me what happened?”

“I-I just got home from the rink and I-I felt so alone. I hadn’t felt so alone since-since before you and I just, I freaked out. I just wanted to hide for a little bit but-“

Rosé nodded in understanding. “You panicked?”

“Yeah,” Denali squeaked, embarrassed.

“My poor baby,” Rosé sympathized, stroking her cheek, “can I help you out some? First, we’ll take care of your head and then I can make you some cereal. I bet you didn’t have supper, did you?”

Ashamed, Denali shook her head.

“It’s okay, honey, I bet that’s why you passed out. You’ve gotta eat, even if you’re feeling anxious.”

“I know, I just-“

“Shhh, you don’t need to explain yourself, just let mommy help you, can you do that? First, your head, then, dinner, then I’ll help you get ready for bed?”

Denali nodded, inelegantly wiping her face with her sleeve. “Okay, mommy.”

Rosé kissed her temple, mindful of the bruise that was spreading across her delicate skin. “Good girl, I don’t want you lifting a finger until tomorrow, okay? Let momma take care of everything.”

[toastybagel-fanfiction]

Deleted Scene - Tell Me What I Want To Hear

[i’ll be so real with you guys i don’t remember writing this scene, i don’t remember what chapter it was supposed to go in, and i don’t remember why it was significant to the plot. but i found it in my google docs and it’s interesting so i wanted to post it here! enjoy!]

The New Year’s Eve party was fun, though a bit overwhelming when the only person Scott knew particularly well had planned to be out of town for the week. In addition, it was nothing like the other parties he had been to in the past; everyone here just seemed tired.

The night was saved, though, when Michael Afton walked through the glass doors of the pizzeria.

“Michael!”

Scott raced toward the doors, where he nearly met Michael for a hug before he abruptly stopped.

“Hey.” Michael smiled back at Scott, but it didn’t reach his eyes.

“Hey, I- uhh-” Scott couldn’t help but glance at the floor to escape eye contact. “I thought you were still in-”

“Yeah, I left early.” Michael idly tapped a foot against the carpeted floor. “Dolly’s still there, though.”

“Oh, that’s nice…”

The sounds of the party were deafening compared to the silence that hung over Michael and Scott as they stood in the doorway of the pizzeria, attempting to act like normal coworkers.

“Michael, there’s something I need to show you. It’s really good news, and I just have to share it with someone.” Scott pulled an envelope out of his pocket, turning it around in his hands. “I also- um- think it might be a sign that we should work out whatever’s been going on. We should go back to being friends, you know?”

“Scott, I-” Michael began, prepared to finally tell Scott how he felt before becoming suddenly aware of all of the people surrounding them. “Maybe we should talk about this later- in private, I mean. What news did you have for me?”

At the mere mention of the news, Scott’s eyes lit up. He took Michael’s hand, heading for a table near the wall. “You’re not going to believe this,” he said, beaming as he took a seat on one side of the table and pulled Michael into the one on the other side. “I got this letter from Vincent today.”

“Really? I-” Michael paused when Scott handed the envelope to him, gently taking it. “I haven’t heard from him in forever.”

“You can read it if you want, but I’ll give you a summary. He says that he finished school early. He’s coming home this summer.”

“He is?”

Scott had already torn the top of the envelope, so Michael could easily slide the letter out, unfolding it and taking a minute to read it.

“You’re the first person I’ve told, by the way. I just- I know how important he is to you, even if you won’t admit it,” Scott said softly, finding Michael’s hand on the table and holding it.

When they heard footsteps approaching the table, though, they quickly pulled their hands apart.

“Good evening, Scott.” William Afton walked past the table, stopping in front of it. “Michael.”

“Hello, father,” Michael muttered, folding the letter and slipping it back into the envelope.

“You’re home early.”

“Yeah,” Michael looked up at his father, who was looking over both of them with his arms crossed over his chest. “I am. I wanted to be here for the party.”

William pointed to the envelope. “What’s that in your hand?”

“Oh- uhh-” 

Michael turned to Scott for reassurance, or at the very least, permission. He was grateful that Scott seemed to get the hint, turning his gaze up at William.

“I got it in the mail yesterday. It’s just a letter from an old friend,” Scott replied with a smile.

“That’s nice.” William’s voice was devoid of any tone as he caught a glimpse of the return address every time Michael turned the envelope around in his hands. “Scott, I came over here because I need to talk to you about something. It’s work related, so we should probably take this somewhere else.” He pointedly made eye contact with Michael, who only glanced back, his shoulders turned slightly inward.

“Oh- I-” Scott glanced from Michael to William, standing up after a few seconds. “Okay, sure, we can talk.” He stopped at Michael’s eyes, which seemed to be pleading him not to go with William. “I’ll meet you after I’m done, okay?”

Michael’s gaze dropped to the table, where he traced the colorful pattern on its surface with his finger. “Okay. I’ll meet you here.”

The walk to William’s office was short, as it was just down the hall from the dining room. William let Scott walk into the office first, closing the door behind them.

“Some party…” William muttered to himself as he walked past Scott, taking a seat in the chair behind his desk.

“Yeah, it’s- uhh-” Scott realized he was still holding his drink, peering down into it. It was no more than some spiked kool aid that wound up on the snack table. “It’s nice.”

“You can tell the truth here, Scott. I’m not the one who puts this thing together every year.” William picked up a stack of papers that was on the desk, sliding them into a drawer before resting his arms on the cleared part of the desk. “I wasn’t out there for long, but before Michael arrived, you looked lost, like you were waiting for someone.”

Scott shrugged, avoiding eye contact.

William cleared his throat at Scott’s lack of a response. “So, how did you know Vincent? You got the letter from him, so you must have been-”

“I dated him in high school,” Scott muttered, tapping his fingers against the side of the red solo cup in his hands. “Basically, we made this promise when he left for college that we would get back together when he got back to America, and now he’s finally coming back.” He sighed. “I’m glad he’s coming back early; I just wish it could be sooner.”

“You’re engaged?” William asked, seemingly out of the blue, but then he pointed toward the ring on Scott’s right hand. 

“Oh, this?” Scott took the plastic cup in his left hand, turning the ring toward him. It seemed to be staring back, wondering why Scott still wore it after Brandon left. Truthfully, he knew exactly why he wore it. “No, we’re not- I’m not engaged to anyone. I just like the ring.”

“What kind of stone is it?” William didn’t seem to be looking anymore, though, reading through some papers that were sloppily stapled together.

“I’m pretty sure it’s amethyst.”

William hummed, setting the papers down. “That’s nice. Mine was sapphire.” He didn’t waste any time turning the subject around and getting straight to the point he originally intended to make. “I called you in here in the first place because I have a proposition for you.”

Scott looked at William curiously, his eyebrows raised. “What is it?”

“Scott, you’ve been good to me- to all of us- for the past year. I’d like to promote you, but unfortunately there aren’t any positions open.” William stood, approaching the other side of the room. “I wanted to give you this anyway, though, since I feel like you deserve to have it more than anyone else.”

After grabbing something from one of the shelves against the wall, William returned to Scott, wordlessly dropping a pair of keys on a keychain into Scott’s hand.

William continued, standing over Scott, “I’d like to give you a raise and a few more hours. You’ll just have to unlock the doors in the morning. As soon as someone quits, though…” William laid a firm hand on Scott’s shoulder, a grin on his lips. “You’re the first person in line for a real promotion.”

“Thank you, Mr. Afton.” 

Scott couldn’t help but smile at the whole situation, from getting a pay raise to being seen as important to the feeling of William’s hand on his shoulder, in that moment, he really felt like he was in a good place. He felt needed, but not in an exploitative way like had in the past. This was real.

He dropped the keys into his pocket.

“You’re welcome, Scott. You can go back to the party if you’d like,” William replied, going back to the papers he was reading earlier. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Scott was at the door within the next second, turning the knob and stepping outside. “See you tomorrow, Mr. Afton.”

After the door closed behind Scott, William set the papers down. He hadn’t been working, anyway; he just wanted to avoid the party. He would do anything to not admit that another year had gone by and that all of his friends and family were right.

The restaurant wasn’t the same without Henry.

William tried to find people to fill in the gaps- he wanted to promote Scott for that very reason- though no one could do it. Even after trying for well over a decade, he could never return the pizzeria to the place it was when he had first opened it with Henry, even with all of the people at the new year’s party.

At least Scott wasn’t wearing one of those garish, shiny headbands with the new year- What was it? Oh, right, 1992.

It was just another year of William drinking alone in his office, waiting for some horrible miracle.

“At that new year’s party- right before I promoted you- I noticed that you drew fredbear on your cup,” William began, a hint of amusement in his tone. “It was a good drawing. Did you watch the cartoon?”

“Yeah, I did. My sister would always turn on the TV after school and I’d watch it until our mom got home from work.” Scott leaned against the safety rail, both physically and mentally exhausted. “I don’t have a lot of good childhood memories, but a lot of the ones I do have are from watching that show. I just drew Fredbear because I was bored at the party.”

William mirrored Scott, his elbows on the metal rail. “What about the others?”

“In the others, I was hanging out with Michael or Vincent, but never both of them.” Scott turned to look at William. “They always fought when they were together.”

William looked at the ground with a quiet chuckle. From his point of view, Vincent and Michael’s quarrels were no more than childish. “I remember that. Vincent was nothing but trouble.”

“Yeah…” Scott stopped leaning against the metal rail, sitting up. “You know, I meant to ask you earlier,” he continued, making eye contact when William turned to face him. “Why did you never like Vincent?”

“There were a lot of reasons, Scott.”

[deathandthesoul]

"Hangman"

A series of interconnected snippets from the mortal life of the Volgirre now known as Aidan Evans, leading to his embrace, circa age 25-30.

Setting: Vampire the Masquerade, in my chronicle City of Lost Angels Rating: Mature Genre/themes: Personal horror, college academia, detective, serial killer Content warnings: Accusations of/Schrodinger's necrophilia, suicide ideation, alcoholism, brief description of a murder victim, brief vampire sex, death

----

October 1972. My wife thinks I'm at the Yankees game with friends. I hate the Yankees and I don't have friends. I'm down in the morgue doin', let's say, extracurricular activities.

It's after hours, after sundown. The staff's cleared out already, havin' dinner with their families. I'm not. I'd rather be here. It's just me, my camera, and sketchbook.

The room's locked when I get there but the lock's not too hard to beat. I try not to think about how many hail Marys I'm gonna have to do on Sunday and sneak inside as quietly as possible. The coast is clear. No one here 'cept the dead guy on the slab. Really? They just left him out there in the open. My goodboy ass is gonna be in so much trouble. This is exhilarating.

I wipe down the doorknob on the outside 'cause I'm a fuckin' forensics student and I know better. Swallow my nerves and shut the door, lock it up nice n' tight. Wipe it down on the inside too. My palms are sweaty but I get my camera ready and start.

[Static]

I turn over in bed. 3am? What happened last night? I don't remember. The hangover's killin' me but I don't remember drinkin'. I have class in the morning and two papers due in three days. Guess I'll make some coffee…

I waddle out to the kitchen in the clothes I wore yesterday and slept in for some reason, quietly to not wake my wife. Guess I was just that tired… I go through the motions, put the grounds in, pour the water, push the button. That's when my phone rings, at 3 in the fuckin' morning.

I answer it, like a dumbass. It's my dean. What the hell is going on? He accuses me of doin' some real sketchy shit in the morgue I'm goin' to Hell for. I tell him I don't remember goin' there 'cause I don't. He has me on security camera footage, goin' inside, committin' sins. Says I didn't come out for two hours and left some things behind. I hang up on him, like a dumbass. Is this real? Am I dreaming? Am I dead?

I panic and dig through my stuff. There's no new empty bottles in my trash and my film's missing. So's my sketchbook. This is bad. I'm so fucked. I don't remember a goddamn thing. I pray to God my dean's wrong, get on my knees and cry like I always do. Please don't tell my parents. I can't afford to lose my future. I wanna wake up already. This is a nightmare.

--

My professor tells me to sit out in photography class cause my hands are shakin' too much. I've gone through so many cigarette packs already. My mind is numb and I haven't been sleepin'. I keep thinkin' about that phone call but nothing happens. I wait a goddamn week like I'm on the chopping block and nothing fuckin' happens. Is someone fuckin' with me?

A couple years later I graduate. I settle down eventually but I don't forget. I can't. And nobody says anything. Did I hallucinate?

--

May 1977. My wife and son aren't up yet so I'm readin' the morning paper. There's a murder on the front page and I'm almost jealous it wasn't me. Victim hung upside-down, Spider-Man style, completely exsanguinated, no external wounds. I wanna see the body up close. Professional curiosity… But I got a day off 'cause my boss forced it on me, just my luck. Says I'm too much of a workaholic. I think it's just 'cause he doesn't like me. I think he knows I'm bi. My whiskey glass is almost empty and I haven't touched my cereal. Haven't gone shopping in a while 'cause I'm always so busy…

I flip through my film rolls for the billionth time. Maybe one day I'll develop these. Crime scenes upon crime scenes and my coworkers gettin' up to all sortsa shit… My precinct has no clue these exist and I'm happy to keep 'em in the dark forever. I have so much dirt on everybody it's insane. This is my hobby.

--

October 1977. Somethin' weighs in the back of my mind but it's my day off again so I might as well have some fun. I go to a gay bar 'cause I can. Thought it couldn't hurt. Everything else does. I love-hate my job but I hate hidin' more. Work has me swamped tryina find this Hangman guy and every lead's a dead end. Swear he's playin' with us like a cat n' mouse. Took a lotta photos but so many days with those bastards in the office wears me down. Just need some stress relief…

I put on a wig and change my features with a little makeup before I leave so my ex-friends won't recognize me and get me kicked to the curb. Would be cool if I could just Play-Doh all this. My wife asks where I'm goin' and I lie to her. Gimme a break. Please…

Out at the bar I'm sittin' alone and this smokin' hot guy hits on me. Tells me he likes my art but I don't know what he means. I never show anyone that stuff. He buys me a drink, my third of the night. I think he's been watchin' me since I stepped in. He looks familiar but I chalk it up to bein' drunk. It's kinda creepy to be honest but I'm desperate.

We hit it off like the Yankees at that game I didn't go to. Apparently they won. His skin's cold and his heartbeat's faint but I'm too depressed and horny to care. He gives it to me rough like I ask and bites my throat. I die happy.

I am the final victim of the Hangman.