#I hope this makes sense I wrote it high and sleepy

[honeycrispjamz]

No one ever brings up how absolutely… fucked this scene is when you take some things into consideration.

When this scene takes place, it has only been a few days—maybe a week—since the plane crashed and Ben’s leg was injured. In that short amount of time, Misty has made it her responsibility to tend to not just Ben’s overall physical well-being but his mental well-being as well. At this point in the show, someone might assume she took on this kind of pseudo-motherly role because she believes Ben might have feelings for her too, or because she has her own sadistic fantasies she wants to play out in the safety of the wilderness.

However, in the pilot, we aren’t given any hints that they had a good or healthy relationship before the crash for Misty to misinterpret to begin with. In fact, we’ve seen numerous times (even before the crash) that Misty is tiring to Ben, and her attempts to connect with him only result in him being cruel/pessimistic towards her. He isn’t close with her like he is with Natalie or Travis, and they lack the usual close relationship found at the basis of most ‘forbidden romances’ (aka sexual abuse) between mentors and students.

It is more likely that, at this point, Misty is taking care of him out of the kindness of her heart, with a bit of it definitely fueled by her own personal desire to be needed. But I don’t think she really thinks he likes her back at this point, nor do I think she is unaware that he kind of despises her. I think it’s more of a one-sided crush than anything, something she knows won’t happen but still entertains.

So what happens? What changes?

This happens. I think Misty has learned, either through observation or her own lived experience, that people will never give her what she needs. So, she takes whatever she gets instead. Because what else can she do? When Ben hits her and screams at her, she takes that rejection and pain and morphs it into something she needs: attention. It doesn’t matter if he’s yelling at her or being violent towards her, as long as it’s directed at her. You can see it in her face after she’s hit, how she swallows down her anger/hurt and instead chooses to soothe him, because it’s what she was taught to do. Do whatever it takes to get what you want, right?

And, worse, it works. He melts right into her, lets her calm him down, and the tension in the air is... gross. If you look at the other girls, you can see just how messed up this all feels to them too. They look scared, even, like they are watching a train wreck they can’t stop.

And because it worked, because he only shows her kindness after being violent with her, the idea that she has to let people hurt her in order to feel wanted is reinforced. This can be seen later in her relationship with Natalie, how she lets the girl tear into her over and over and over only to brush it off like nothing happened. Because she believes Natalie needs her more than Misty needs to feel accepted. Same with Ben, Misty truly thinks he deserves her kindness/patience more than she deserves his.

[fraugwinska]

I swear your stories make my heart skip beats❤️🩷❤️🩷 I need some soft spicy Alastor x Female Reader. Maybe a Morning After scenario with Alastor and the reader (waking up together, being soft and cute. Kisses and stuff and maybe a slight continuation of last night😏😏)

After the last stories I was EAGER to write your request, my dearest @alastor-simp. I've accepted my rank as fluff fairy, and I oh-so-love to write these cute, tender moments!!! Thank you for this ask, I hope I did it justice!

For the best experience, I suggest to listen to Ingrid Michaelson's "Love is', which I imagined the radio to play in the story (and listened to while I wrote it)

❤️🦌❤️🦌❤️🦌❤️🦌❤️🦌❤️🦌❤️🦌❤️🦌❤️🦌❤️🦌❤️

We only have Forever

The birds in hell weren't like anything on earth – their songs were not sweet and melodic, but rather ominous and melancholic.

Which is why, when you were woken by an unusual, bright chirping sound, you thought for a split second you were alive again, waking up from an intense, unusually immersive dream.

You shifted, cheeks still pressed into the white, soft pillow and body messily wrapped in cotton sheets, too drowsy to realize that the chirp was not coming from birds, but the little, vintage radio that sat beside the bed in. It quietly came to life, the search for a channel resulting in high, pitchy squeaks and fuzzy static feedback. Which was always the tell-tale sign of a waking Alastor.

The arm around your waist twitched, causing you to sigh peacefully. Your lids fall close and you let it pull you back into the center of the bed, into a warm, waiting body - a soft chest, thinly covered in silky taupe fur that tickled your nose, an underlying, hearty scent of wood and vetiver and the familiar rhythm of another heart drumming against your ears.

You left your eyes closed, relying on the most comforting senses of touch, hear and feel, the latter came into use as the sensation of sleepy, light kisses on the crown of your head that caused your lips to pull into a blissful smile.

"Mornin' my buck."

"Good morning, my doe."

His voice was nothing more of a mumble, still lazy and half asleep, hoarse and slightly deeper than when up and about. When he finally seemed to have picked a radio station he liked, the room was filled with a soft, dreamy song which suited the very same ambiance that was present - happy, in love, slow, silent bliss. It was one of your favorites, and one of the few more modern ones Alastor tolerated.

He ran his slender fingers up your back and shoulders, through the disheveled masses of hair, stroking it gently with his sharp talons, scratching ever so lightly on the scalp. He pulled himself a little more forward, tangling his legs even more with yours in an effort to maximize the connection of your bodies and minimize the space that span between you.

"Hey, easy now or I'll think you're afraid I'll jump up and leave as soon as my eyes open." you teased playfully, as Alastor nuzzled his nose deep in your hair, taking in deep breaths, inhaling your scent and humming in content.

"I had hoped after all my efforts tonight you wouldn't be able to even if you tried, darling."

You flicked his ear in fake indignation, but chuckled and raked your fingers over his back in soft, tender streaks, your fingertips gliding over his spine and sides. He shivered under your touches and melted deeper into you. A rhythmic, shuffling sound joined in with the faint tune from the radio, and Alastor groaned when you purred in lofty pride.

"Damned, traitorous thing...", Alastor scowled, trying to evade the hand that reached for his wagging tail under the sheets.

"Don't you talk like that about my precious friend.", you cooed and caressed the plush fur on his lower back, scratching with nimble fingers close to the base of his tail, the very spot where he was extremely... responsive. Alastor just growled again, missing any angry or mad edge, his tail continuing to thump louder and even quicker and causing him to whine as he failed to stop its excited sway.

"It betrays me."

"No, it only tells me that you're happy."

Alastor tilts his head to brush his lips over your own, almost not touching, a tiny, bittersweet distance between his and your mouth.

"If it's that much more of a conservationist for you, maybe I should stop talking then."

With a faint, sighed chuckle he finally closed the agonizing gap, lips met lips in a slow and flowing embrace, moving almost at the tempo of the song, it's calming beat guiding the cadence and harmony of his kiss. You felt him smile, more relaxed and at ease that his usual signature grin, even though your eyes were closed shut in drowsiness and enjoyment. The slow, lazy, fullness of this morning's intimacy, of your bodies so closely pressed together in ruffled sheets while hell's sun was only slowly rising on the horizon, making out and embracing each other without the need to rush or be somewhere in another hour or so was a rare occasion and therefore worth savoring.

His hands traveled over your hips, up your waist to settle in a gentle, cradling grip around your neck, fingertips grazing the outer edges of the delicate bite mark still there as a reminder of the contrasting feverish passion you both shared last night. With Alastor - It was war and peace, in a circle - hard, unforgiving, passionate desire at the beginning of dusk, and soft, tender and sensual love at the break of dawn. A clash of burning flames and gentle streams, all on an even ground of equals.

You sensed the slight change in the mood, the licks over your parted lips with the warm tip of his tongue soon turned to be deep and demanding, less lazy and more eager movements from his tongue - exploring the insides of your mouth, playfully flicking yours and circling around and between your teeth. His large hand left it's spot in the crook of your neck and pulled on the base of you head, sinking his digits in the tuft of your hair. You moaned softly into the kiss, more of a wanton, sloppy sound rather than anything else and you started to grow flushed, your skin tingling pleasantly under every touch and lick and nibble.

You deeply enjoyed the roughness and depravity you shared in the nights, you really really did. But this, this was what you loved. It was when Alastor wasn't starved for you, endlessly hungry and hasty to devour you but when you were a well prepped meal, slowly cooked and seasoned with care and love that you felt the most powerful connection of your souls - his touches were careful and secure and when he held you in his arms like this, kissed and adorned you like that, every and any gesture or caress spoke so clearly the sentence he had captured your heart with - you are mine and only mine.

"You are saying an awful lot with that body language for someone who wanted to stop talking, my buck." Alastor laughed fondly at your husky breathed words, rolling you on top of him, sheets sticking to the planes of your bare bodies. You threw a leg over him to sit in a straddling position, your face a mere few inches above his as he rolled his hips and swayed your body against his growing length.

“That's the beauty of a loophole, my doe, for no spoken words could express me quite as honestly as this."

Alastor kissed you once more and, now grinning as devilishly as you were used to, let his hands find rest on your hips, ready to start one more of those heavenly nonverbal conversations before you both had to ready yourselves for the hellish world outside of your bedroom.

Again, thank you for suggesting this. And a big shoutout to @minkdelovely, who made my heart skip with her article on 'Pictures of you'. The fluff fairy had you in mind with this, too ;>)

[ox1-lovesick]

✶ ─── TOMORROW X TOGETHER AND WHEN YOU LOOK MOST BEAUTIFUL TO THEM

pairing(s). txt x gn reader genre fluff warnings. none(?) wc. 100-200 each

type. headcannon , reaction

a/n. guess who wrote something *everyone applaud* please enjoy this I forced myself to write it because I haven't posted anything since queen elizabeth graduated high school 🥰

★ YEONJUN could already stare at you for hours on end — you always looked so effortlessly beautiful in his eyes, they can't help but wander back to take you in every now and then. You're the prettiest thing he's ever seen, but there's something different about you right now. About your furrowed eyebrows and small pout, about your fleeting gaze, stuck between your laptop screen and notebook as you read over the problem for the nth time hoping it will all magically make sense soon. You look outrageously adorable to him right now, laser focused on solving this equation of letters and numbers so you can move onto your next set of notes. He'd pull out a chair and sit next to you every time, resting his head against the palm of his hand as he watched while you busied yourself with whatever you needed to get done. Sometimes he'd sit and stare in silence, others he'd fondly brush the stray strands of hair away from your eyes so you don't have to, but every time without fail, his eyes would be trained on nothing but you.

★ SOOBIN loved taking care of his skin. It felt like a checkmark in his day, the last task at hand before he could melt into his bed and forget his worries until morning. He instantly felt lighter after taking all his make-up off and gently applying his moisturiser, but doing it with his favourite person makes just that much better. He especially loves when he doesn't have the energy to do it himself, leaving you to do it for him. Fingers gently tapping the products into skin with care, with the occasional kiss on his nose, but what he loves most of all is the sight of you, bare faced and sleepy. Some days he'd feign exhaustion just to stare into your eyes and hold your waist while you massage serum into his skin. He loves you no matter how you look of course, you're always beautiful to him. But being barefaced with each other is intimate, especially when he has to look his best everyday

★ BEOMGYU was never fearful about the sun exploding in 70 something million years, why would he be when he had the replacement right in his arms. Your smile was more than enough to sustain life and light up the solar system. His theory may not be scientifically correct, but in his eyes, it was simply the truth. What a heinous crime it is that you don't own multiple peace prizes for this sight alone—it never failed to make his heart beat out of his chest every time you graced him with its presence. He gets teased to no end by the guys for being horrendously down bad and staring at you with 'goo goo' eyes whenever your lips curl upwards, but how could he help himself? He's sick in the head, mind stuffed full of you and that pretty smile. It's his kryptonite, his one and only weakness, and no one knew it better than you after walking home hand in hand with your brand new jigglypuff plushie and -62837 won in Beomgyu's wallet.

★ TAEHYUN was so weak for things like this. Even under all those muscles he spends hours perfecting at the gym, he's rendered completely and utterly powerless. Weak for holding you closer, weak for pressing a kiss to your forehead, weak for you nuzzling your head further into his chest, weak for falling asleep with the person he adores more than anything next to him, safe and sound in his arms. He always fell asleep much later than you, because he has no self control and can't help but stare. Ever since he'd met you, he's become a morning person. Not because he enjoys starting his day early to be more productive (or to spend another 86 years in the gym) but because he gets to wake up like this. Your limbs tangled in each other, soft breaths against his neck, covered in the warmth of his duvet and comfort of each other. And if you'd allow him to, he'd spend every morning like this for the rest of his life, and die a happy man.

★ HUENINGKAI is a fan-favourite. And while his band mates make it well known who their favourite maknae is, for the sake of their feelings he tells them he loves them all equally, and keeps his favourite a secret. A secret from everyone but you, who just so happens to be said favourite. And his favourite sight on his favourite person? The face you made when he revealed his secret to you. The way your eyes widened, the knowing smile that crept its way onto your face, your nose scrunching in delight, if he could have that moment tattooed on the inside of his eyelids, he'd probably forget what the world looks like from having his eyes closed all the time. He loves this look on you, how excited you get when talking about the drama going on with your classmates or your masterplan to take over the world. Your eyes twinkling and hands flying all over the show because your emotions are just too strong to keep them confined. It might just be his favourite sight of all time, and while he's itching to screech about how adorable you are, he'll keep it his little secret for now

★ OX1-LOVESICK all rights reserved. do not copy, distribute, translate, alter or repost my work without my explicit permission.

[stqrgir1e]

smoking with tgc boys !!!

isaac, larry, bigt, yumi, and nick! <3 written while I was genuinely stoned for authenticity. jorge killed it with using the words bro and homeboy way too much 😝

mentions of . . . smoking, drug use, cuss words??? established relationship w/ reader + girl mentioned like once otherwise pretty gn. this might be a bit confusing if your a non-smoker since i wrote for a stoner!reader ( petnames used ➜ hon, babe, baby, pretty girl,)

Isaac ➜ we all know homeboy is more of a drinker. it definitely would be on a dare or bet, he would wanna prove to you he could handle his substances.

"who said i greened out after one joint?... tanner did?... he's lying, we can smoke tonight and ill show you." he would act all smug about it until he actually was face to face with the lit joint.

he would hold it like a cigarette, and when you stifle a laugh at the fact he does so- he would shrug it off while taking a loooong drag of the joint. exhaling before having a small coughing fit. you couldn't help but laugh at his reaction, his face a shade pinker after the humiliating reaction to the joint. but its Isaac- so of course he would brush it off like nothing.

"been a while since I smoked hon... maybe you should finish the rest of it." he would say nonchalantly while passing the joint back to you- insisting you have to finish it. would use the excuse 'he's doing some voiceovers for a few videos tomorrow and can't risk losing his voice.'

def vibes more with edibles. but he always takes half because thats what the back of the packaging says 😡 "why are you taking three! it says half right here!" he would then shove the packaging dramatically in your face- really he didnt want you to see how low his tolerance was and how high he got off half a 15mg edible.

would end up passing out in bed w/ you, gets sleepy especially with edibles/indica. you would mess around and tease him a bit- poking at him while joking how he cannot handle his weed. "nooo, im jus' always down for a nap with you, pretty girl..." he would mumble half asleep, voice drowsy from the high. hella affectionate when high, chronic problem with playing with your hair or like, maybe any bracelets you have on??? i hope this makes sense bro

larry ➜ isn't afraid of the idea of weed, he usually just saves it for social events. like how people are social smokers with cigarettes? larry is like that with weed.

he would get all hyped at a party after seeing you and tanner sharing a one-hitter. "bro! imma need some of that right now." he would act hella shady for comedic effect as well. taking the toke while looking around all mischievously like there was feds hiding in the crowd of the party. you and tanner were stoned- so obviously yall laugh at his antics.

bro is a menace after one hit, isnt even that high he just does it for shits and giggles. lets say nicks filming or some shit- larry is the star of the show. talking his head off in front of the camera while blowing some cart smoke right at the lens. "you see this? its y/n's pen... *takes long hit off cart*... gettin lit tonight." he would definitely hold back his coughs.

speaking of carts, larry is one of those rare mfs that prefer carts over bud. why? he thinks there more convenient- and bud always leaves his nose runny. last time you guys had a smoke sesh date he used up all your sanrio kleenex after smoking 2 bowls 😡

"weed makes my nose run babe! maybe we should've stuck to the cart..." he would say after you complained about him sniffling for the third time. while you were busy explaining why you prefer bud, he would sneakily grab your cart from your hoodie pocket and sneak a few hits. bro is ruthless when it comes to that thing 💀 if you tell him you got the pen on you he's beggin for it.

in fact larry would get a little too comfy with the cart, accidentally almost greening out at a target once when he hit it one too many times in the car. "lets just sit down..." + "on the floor?... in target?..." + "yes babe im telling you just trust me." really thought he was gonna vomit and needed an excuse to sit for a second.

bigt ➜ omg brotha was all over you when you wanted to smoke for your first date!!! he had two little rolling trays set up on his bed prepared for your smoke sesh/movie date.

low-key adorable... literally went out and bought a new one-hitter so you guys would have matching ones, they were green and had little turtles on top of them ): (isnt that so much fun) he wasn't even tryna be cheesy or anything genuinely was just very passionate about smoking. i def feel like him and yumi were smokers in high school so he knows a thing or two abt mary jane. 🤨

"after this bowl i have a gummy we can split..." his tolerance is quite high so he would wanna keep going even after like the fifth bowl. he likes to give his lungs a break though so no carts for him after like the third bowl. edibles from there on out. you know he's gonna be all weird n shit and make you guys split the edible by biting it in half. (like that lady and the tramp shittt bro.)

but at social events and parties??? he's a lot more closed off with smoking- more of a drinker at parties. if he is gonna get high he'll take an edible. "baby weed these days is crazy! I knew a guy who knew a guy who knew guy that got laced with crack!!!" yea he was being sarcastic duhhhh but he was genuinely scared of getting laced at a party.

tanner is a avid cart enthusiast tho!!! he would only use like smoke shop ones though- no street carts for tttt. he would probably prefer zaza's, hes a classic man with taste so he would prefer the cereal milk strain. carts are his go to for when hes just vibing in his room since there pretty much odorless. "I wasn't lying when I said I was smoking zaza!" finds the word zaza hilarious especially when he's stoned.

he takes maaanny tolerance breaks and would probably make you do the same. if you really struggled with staying away from weed he would make t-breaks fun or some shit. (like making a fun little tolerance break sticker chart 😩)

softwilly ➜ nick fr said 🤨 when you asked him to split a bowl with you one random friday night. he eventually agreed because you already had everything set up and he didnt wanna say no after you put all this effort into it ):

"ow! fuck... can you do the lighter babe..." needs help with the lighter, you guys were sat in kind of a awkward position smoking out of his bedroom window since he didnt want any of the guys to question anything 😒 sometimes those flames fight back with the bowls brooo. he has a playlist for smoking after that first time- it kind of becomes a tradition for you guys to try and smoke every friday/weekend (:

his tolerance is worst than isaacs bro. he’s either passed out after the second bowl or laughing at anything that moves. if you guys end up laughing too loud or just making too much noise in general he gets hyper aware about if the boys can hear all the ruckus >:( does not want your smoke sesh to be interrupted. very easily paranoid when high for sure.

he doesn’t love carts- but i mean your his weakness homeboy how can he say no to you every time you ask? “strawberry banana cart?…. fine. one hit, but just to see if it really tastes like strawberry’s and bananas.” it didn’t taste like strawberries and bananas- but he was stoned for the next thirty minutes after that (:

hates the smell of weed. he always has the windows open, a candle burning, incense burning, anything to diffuse the smell of marijuana. he’ll specifically ask you to blow the smoke towards the window- but sometimes you blow it towards the pillows on his bed… or some plushies even just to get a rise out of him. “fuck babe… now my bedrooms gonna smell like kush for a week.” + “it’s just a little smoke!” he would obviously say it sarcastically, he dgaf where you blow your smoke he just wants to be a pain in the ass for funzies.

another big believer in tolerance breaks- but he dosent even know what the fuck a t-break is. he would just tell you he’s taking a break from weed in general. homeboy is very inexperienced in the smoking department and stayed away from it until he was in his early twenties.

yumi ➜ blake definitely has the highest tolerance out of all of them, but he isn’t a raging stoner. probably prefers weed over alcohol especially at parties- has an occasional joint on the weekends or when he has the time but he’s not stoned 247.

yumi is a classic man, he likes classic things. he prefers bud almost over everything else. he won’t turn down an edible but he despises carts because of the aftertaste they have. “babe that shit taste like potting soil… i’ll just take the extra twenty minutes to roll up.” + “it does not taste like potting soil! it’s supposed to be peanut butter and jelly flavored…” after a bowl or two though… homeboy is loving up on the cart!!!! “damn okay… maybe this shit does taste like pb&j…” better be willing to stop at a smoke shop the next day or have your dealer on speed dial because blake is draining that pen 😩

omg he out of all tgc boys fucking loves little smoke sesh dates. like finding a nice little spot off a hiking trail or just in the woods and rolling up together ): he would make sure to have a playlist and everything just like nick this man is soft for you bro. “alright babe are we feelin’ apricot gelato or blue dream today?” very organized with his weed. he knows his favorite strains and doesn’t venture out farther than the ones he knows he likes.

blake is a whole different personality when high, like he’s still blake but… better? idk how to describe it gahhhhh!!! like he’s more laid back, cusses more frequently, very sarcastic, voice a bit deeper/raspier from smoking. “brotha look over there… that bird is straight chillin’ on that tree branch.” + “brotha?…” doesn’t even realize he’s doing it- you would bring it up afterwards and he always denies it. “babe i can promise you i’ve never talked like that when high, maybe you just think i do because your always stoned when i’m high.” if you ever showed him a video of how he talks when stoned he would become hyper aware of how he acts whenever he’s high 💀

homeboy rolls the best joints- how can he not? somehow they always turn out perfectly cylindrical and no leaf actually ever falls out of the joint. he’s got the magic joint rolling hands, what can he say.

omg don’t even get me started on fucking munchies. i am a chronic victim of binge eating while stoned and i have a gut feeling yumi is too. homeboy can be expected to be covered in cheetos dust if he plans on smoking. it brings out the best and worst in him, the worst being eating copious amounts of food in such a short period of time. “your such a fatty babe,” + “am not! you literally scarfed down three zebra cakes an hour ago…”

[crappycamille]

a/n: i’m not really sure if this makes sense. i hope what i was tryna do is conveyed. i sleepily wrote this. sorry for the bad grammar, like i said i was sleepy. <3

katsuki’s guilty pleasure is listening to mac demarco. it does something fuzzy to his chest.

the first time you put it on was on a long car ride. he can’t even remember where exactly the two of you were going, he just remembers the peaceful quietness of the day.

neither of you had really said anything to each other the whole day, just silently basked in each other’s presence. the day was filled with nothing but tender, tranquil, love.

it’s days like that where katsuki remembers why he’s alive. why people are so crazy about love. why he fights to protect his love, your love, and love in general.

the car ride was nothing short of peaceful. the car itself was warm just the way he liked it. not hot enough for him to sweat, but cozy and comfortable. it was beautifully sunny outside, but it wasn’t so bright that it hurt his eyes to look at the road. the roads were clear and chill allowing him to relax while driving. he didn’t have to be on such high alert for reckless drivers nor did he have to worry about getting irritated with traffic.

but most of all, he had you with him. you were barefaced, dressed in a homey-cozy little outfit. your hair the same as your clothes. and you were nothing short of beautiful.

he likes seeing you like this the most.

no one else got to experience you like this. you were your raw self. katsuki’s heart swells when he thinks about how he’s earned your vulnerability. how could he have gotten so lucky to have you not only love him but wholeheartedly trust him?

the beginning of the car ride matched the day in its cozy silence. but then katsuki heard you peep a quiet “oh!” as you reached over to grab his phone. as he glanced over at you, he noticed you excitedly biting your lip.

that’s when you played mac demarco. you then sat back satisfied as you reveled in the enhanced calming ambiance you’d created. clearly feeling accomplished having found music to perfectly match the atmosphere of the day.

at first, katsuki couldn’t understand why you liked it so much other than it being “vibey.” especially because he related so hard to all of those songs. he felt them deep within his soul.

he understood the kind of guttural love mac demarco was writing songs about. the kind of person mac demarco felt devastatingly connected to. because… that’s how katsuki feels about you.

he was almost mad that you introduced him to this music. he feels so shaken everytime he listens to mac demarco. it makes his chest buzz with the overwhelming emotions he has for you. he can’t even control it. the feeling is overwhelming. it’s addicting.

he just loves you.

so now he finds himself listening to mac demarco all the time. when he’s cooking, when he’s cleaning, when he’s at the office, when he’s working out, when he’s driving. whenever he feels the need to musically materialize his love for you.

it’s especially hard when he’s away on missions. he’s sitting in his hotel room at night, earbuds pushed deeply into his ears. he sits back and presses play as he’s laying down for bed. he’s already had a video chat with you, but the aftermath of that always stings the worst at the realization that you aren’t with him. the quietness after the end of the call is loud enough to send him spiraling sometimes. he tries to ignore how cold and empty the bed feels and he fills the silence with that musically materialized love.

it’s calms him. creates a feeling that ripples from deep within his chest throughout his entire body, like ripples on a still pond. he misses you dearly. enough to make him cry. enough to make him leave his hotel and get back to you. but he won’t.

he’s a hero through and through. he sacrifices so he can fight. and he fights day in and day out to protect love. his love, your love, and love in general.

[felixravinstills]

Hi, we’ve not met but I’ve been thinking about this post of yours & it also has me going insane. Funnily enough, I made a Tik tok about this ages ago but I also wrote it so I’ll just put that in. I just love discoing the education in the Capitol v Districts, it’s one of few things I was surprised of in the TBOSBAS and sooo happy to dissect!

We know in the districts that they just have a constant, pre-k to high school public-school like education system that is heavily doctored and monitored by the government. We also have the training academies which most think of as an after-school program, but that’s still ultimately funded by and for the government to continue the cycle of propaganda and indoctrination.

Now what we learn in TBOSBAS is fascinating because although it has the same foundation as the districts with it being heavily propagandized, but they have the option (or opportunity if they are financially stable or have enough nepotism) to continue their education after their time at The Academy. The idea of The University as this inaccessible, elitist symbol for Capitol children to strive for as a way to grow and climb the social/political/economic ladder of the city is the complete opposite of the idea of education in the districts.

School is where children go to get their daily dose of propaganda, then if they’re old enough, they go to work. And so-on and so-on until they are reaped or graduate and dedicate their lives to their trades, their slavery.

The education system in The Capitol is a symbol of hope for success, whereas in the districts it is a symbol of stagnancy until work or death.

Hi! Yes, education in Panem is really interesting to think about, and I love what you've pointed out here! It is really interesting the juxtaposition of how education is framed in the Districts vs. the Capitol.

I was talking with other people once about the other schools in the Capitol as Coriolanus mentions other secondary schools. I wonder how much a disparity there might be between those schools and the Academy (I mean they apparently end school sooner in the year than the Academy, so that already feels like a big difference if the Academy, so I'm sure there are other differences). The Academy of course seems to be the premiere secondary school in the city with potentially special ties to the University? (It would make sense since the Capitol's leading families all go to the Academy but they also are geographically close to each other since Snow can walk from the University to the Academy in the Epilogue).

It would be interesting if as you point out the education system in the Capitol is seen as a hope for success, but due to the requirements (tuition and whatever academic standards have to be met), it is actually mostly the affluent students from the Academy attending. Maybe, the Capitol presents itself as a meritocracy but still preferring the already wealthy and elite families. Coriolanus does mention that the University has more people and more types of people (Ch. 19), but for me, it would make sense that the actual statistical breakdown would show a majority of the students coming from the Academy.

Referencing the University with a capital U most of the time, also leads me to believe that it is the only university in the Capitol? Although the occasional uses of lowercase university does make it possible that there are others.

I often wonder about the middle to lower class of the Capitol since Coriolanus mentions in TBOSAS that there's a bit of an unemployment crisis going on. I suppose there is a bit of an implication that the Games might be providing new jobs in the future to help with that though as they gain popularity though, and joining the Peacekeepers seems like a common enough thing to do.

Anyway, it's a bit sleepy writing this, so sorry, if it's a bit ramble-y/if there isn't really anything too insightful in here, but again, what you brought up is really cool! It makes me want to re-read the OG Trilogy to remember more of the smaller worldbuilding details (education-based and otherwise!)

[bugsbunnyblogsstuff]

Deadpan by Daybreak

(I wanted a chapter surrounding my Ocs and my Take on the Loonautics..... please, I hope I spelled that right, I imagine Danger to be this slightly worse, more adult, older brother than daffy is, while Ace is more of a leader, tries to keep the group in line..... while miserably falling for red flags. Think of this a more downgraded Looney Tunes. More information after the book)

(Danger Pov)

I stared into space. The bottom of the bottle was my best friend.

I watched Mugman, my psycho roommate, rubbing his temples, sighing as he wrote down a new victim in the guts book.

"Lemme guess, you had accidental sex with Julie Bruin too?" I asked as mugman laughed, "I never went to that party. Remember, I was in detention for slamming Daphne Blake old school!" He said, waving around his cigar. The 'hickey' he quoted he had was actually bites from Daphne trying to escape his suffocation.

He leaned back on my gaming chair as he began rambling to his friends on MySpace.

"What do you mean, Star..... shit we had a test?!" He said, his friends Duncan and Starfire, both elites, in math, Starfire was like a human calculator, and Duncan was just a great artist and can draw great geometric shapes without needing to remember them.

Mugman himself was valedictorian, which didn't make sense knowing he was pretty much a frat boy like myself.

Mugman groaned, not wanting to do it. "Test?! On what?" I asked, whipping my head around as I grabbed a Monster Energy.

"Some Supernaturals Assessment test our skills, you know, stuff?" Mugman said, waving a cheat sheet from some Chinese exam, which was more words than I ever written.

I sighed, slinging my backpack as I walked with Mugman to the study room, backpack bouncing.

I could see Axel and his group having an early morning concert. People were dancing around as they clapped and shouted.

Axel was 18 years old, slightly more muscle compared to Pacifica or Mugman, and he had black hair tied in a red bandana. His hair was spiky on the ends. He had sharp fangs and a skull tank top, with baggy jeans and black high tops, and a biker jacket around his waist. He was a punk wendigo with brown twisted antlers and a fluffy white and brown tail. He had black hoofs ok his feet but had human hands.

" Thanks, Riverdale. You all have been a blessing! He said, grabbing his signature red spiky guitar and his bloody pick.

I clapped as mugman hugged him, chatting about how fascinating school was so far.

He turned to me, waving as Axel grinned, handing me a flyer, "You won't wanna miss this. This will be the biggest one yet.... because we're throwing this at Mickey's place!" I could hear the gasps, not because of anything else but I could hear moans.

I shakily opened the janitors closet, seeing Ace, a loser and nerd, was getting it on with Lexi, groping each other like bitches, Highway to Hell by AC/DC was blasting on the radio, as Lext was finishing him off.

Once they were done, Pacifica yelled the code, "The boys in love!" He shouted as he crowned Ace, prince of the make-out stall.

Ace blushed, protesting, luckily him and Lext weren't crowned king or queen of the stalls.

Once it was night out, boys were in groups getting it on, I was with Mugman and Yakko, scouting out a nice woman, I spotted Ace.

I thought I'd playfully flirt, get to know him.

"You know, dating guys is in right now," I said, leaning casually on the stool as he grinned, all thoughts clearly out the window and all on.... how hot he was?

"I'm sorry, but I can't really, it was al-" Before he could finish, I had already started kissing him, I was so excited, I gotta a little... (I mean super) Pg-13, getting inside and out.

"Welp, there goes the lovebirds. There's only so little time till he gets pregnant!"

(Hey guys, I know it wasn't my best, but I'm sleepy and slightly tired. I just argued with my brother about his crazy wife... so I went to my comfort zone!)

[thepredat0rywasp]

I am tempted to reach out. Sufjan has a song called reach out which is tempting me to do it even more lol. But I think I’ve been reaching out too much and it’s becoming unhealthy for me. Peace of mind where? I’ve refreshed my mail at least 5 times hoping you replied today lol. It’s been 8 days since I wrote you that mail. Finally got you to read the blogs lol. God knows if you read the ones before today’s. And I’m not going to ask. Or at least I’ll try not to. I didn’t know caring so much for an emotionally unavailable person hurt this much. The fact that I know what you’re like when you are truly madly deeply into someone makes it harder for me to handle this whole situation. It’s almost like I am not enough. It’s like I’ve never been enough for you. For anyone really. I remember feeling exactly this way when I found out you liked M. She started talking to you because of how much I was constantly crying about you being a sweetheart in our group journal. We’d been talking to each other for quite some time by then and yet, you liked her almost immediately. Maybe I lacked something, in looks or maybe in charm. And I was pretty lame back then(back then haha)I’ll admit. And I wasn’t even into you so it didn’t make sense for me to feel the way I did lol. But what really hurt the last two days was the fact that you were doing the very things I’d cried to you about M doing two years ago. When she wouldn’t listen to songs I sent to her and felt bad, you said stop sending them then. When she didn’t reply to my mail and I had a crisis about it you said people that truly cared would value me and stay. So ig you don’t value me anymore lol. Maybe that’s a very wild extrapolation to make. It’s just, if you don’t care I don’t mind(I mean I do but what can we do about it?) but why constantly ask me to continue doing these things. You’ll say you care and had a busy few days. You went window shopping inspite of how sleepy you were lol. You had time to go out all day today. How much time does it take to read a blog? I’m starting to feel like it’s just a matter of priorities. I’m not very high on your priority list. Am I even in it lately? If I ask you this, I get the here we go again tone no matter what you say and then suddenly I feel like a dumb obsessive over dramatic overthinking idiot. A silly bitch. I hate myself for how obsessed I am. I’ve never been this weak.

It takes 28 days to make and break a habit. I think the next 19 days will help me get better. I will not reach out first. Please pray I don’t. I hope you’ll miss me at least a little lol. I’m feeling something in my throat from just writing this and I miss talking to you already. I hope you’ll want to reach out. I hope you’ll find time to reply to that mail and to like that playlist. Listen to it?? Maybe we’re being a little too ambitious there haha. I hope I lose some love over the next few days or I hope you grow some. Can’t handle this imbalance any longer.

[loxare]

Dunno how many thoughts I'll get down because I once again have soup but unlike earlier I am sleepy. But here we go, episode 3!

Who wrote Jim's Mug on A's mug? Does A have multiple mugs that he's comfortable giving Jim one of his? Also I want Jim's coat. I love plaid

OH SHIT SON!!! The customers know Lindsay is bad news. Nina you deserve better. I hope you hear what the people around you are saying soon

Muriel is adorable. Not uuhhh, not understanding of. How colours work. Which makes sense if they've never left heaven before and therefore never seen anything but Pastel, but also. See, this is what I was talking about before, with the huge Human Culture shaped blind spot

Ah, they haven't taken the first bit of human food yet. Well I hope they have the pleasure soon

Should be Constable Inspector but alright

Why is Edinburgh pronounced like it has an extra vowel in it? Why isn't it spelled like it has an extra vowel in it? I know English is a hodgepodge of a language but the English have made it worse I think

Oh. The Bentley doesn't deserve what's about to happen to it. The drivers in London might, but not the poor car

Mmmmm, wontons.

YASSSS SCOTTISH ACCENT DAVID TENNANT

Hey Red, it's you and Dork's first date. Oh, the grave robbery wasn't on your date. Well it's your first date with a bit of extra crimes then

Oh boy. A needs a lesson in socioeconomic unfairness, he's got it all backwards. Where's Vimes?

Lol car arguments and OH MY GOD LOOK AT THAT HUGE PILE OF SCHIST HOH IT'S MASSIVE AND GLORIOUS AND FULL OF STRIPES

Sir stop talking you're going to get sent to the dung pits to get your tongue ripped out. Poor Beelzebub just wants a compliment

This week on Good Omens, Jim discovers gravity

NO THE BOOKS

Ok so that was a suspicious fly right? Like, among us levels of suspicious?

Aziraphale no, she needs the money! Use your miracle to give her money instead!

Shoulder angel, shoulder devil

Sadly, this is how modern medicine got to where it was. Autopsies to understand the human body were uh, kinda necessary.

Ah, he's going in as a reporter. You can tell by the slip of paper in his hat

A is kinda cringe in this flashback. Stop moralizing at them. You look like a rich man getting his jollies from some Lite Crime

Oh boy. Oh shit. Ok. Well. This is a lesson learned for A. Fuck's sake.

Ah, practicality

"Guaranteed by C.M.O.T Dibbler & Co CHEMISTS". Kinda surprised that bottle of poison isn't innabun

Aw, is she going to try and poison A? That's sweet. Don't blame her at all. Hope it works out for her

Oh, she was just going to take herself out. That's sadder. But understandable. Also, that's opium and alcohol C just drank. I know he's a demon but he's acting a bit high right now

Tiny Crowley!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh, Godzilla Crowley now. King Crowley.

She's depressed and poor and grieving just give her the money

Oh dear, he fell in a hole. I hope he didn't get in too much trouble about that

Where is C taking all the books? He's just. Stacking them and moving them and then chucking them. Is he just bored?

Oh wow. Nina. Get someone who trusts you. Please.

Oh dear. Well. That broke the awning and also the romantic tension. Maybe Nina should have sheltered Maggie under her wing instead. (I see you Crowley and your awnings. Instant romance, eh?)

Purple eyes again and revelations

Shax running on vampire rules

Oh, Shax got his apartment. Well, that's another mystery solved. Why. Why was C living in an apartment provided by hell? Does he not have the funds to get his own place? A seems independently wealthy, enough that he owns his bookshop and also the record shop

This is all very dramatic

Oh fuck yeah, bagpipe end theme!!

I want the boys back together. They should have locked up the shop for a few days and taken Jim with them to Edinburgh. Gotten him one of those child leash backpacks so they could keep him close. But I guess the bookstore is the safest place to keep him if the demons can't enter without permission.

Good omens 2 ep 1 thots under the cut!

CROWLEY LOOKS!!! SO HAPPY!!!!!! MAKING HIS NEBULA!!!!!!!!! I'm so sad he got the wind taken out of his sails. And I know exactly how much trouble he got in just for asking a few questions. Theory: God is omniscient, and as such knew Crowley needed to be a demon to save the Earth. It sucks, but it's growth for both him and Aziraphale, who needed to learn to duck around the rules, and growth tends to hurt. I'm just sad Crowley got hit that hard

Aziraphale only valid landlord???

Crowley ornithologist?????

Wait, why is the mail getting delivered to the Bentley rather than Crowley's apartment? What happened to his plants? Is he just never in his apartment so it's better to deliver to the car?

Record shop coffee shop ff slow burn

John Hamm's john & hamms are on display

This is unrelated to GO but I made wonton soup to eat while watching this and it is very good. Mmmm

Those poor tomatoes

Aziraphale's music interrupted by nudity and amnesia

Oh god heaven still hurts my eye holes. So shiny

No one tell naked amnesiac Gabriel about the existence of twins

Someone get him some pants. Aziraphale please get him some pants not just a blanket. What if he stands up?

Trailer ship bait line is a good line. Aziraphale thinks of Crowley and goes all soft

"The thing" is probably the box that was doing a lot of heavy lifting to keep this show PG, that was also dropped when the door opened and left in the street. Someone should probably go pick that up before someone else takes it

Ah. Good, it's still there

Oh her name is Shax. Neat! I love Crowley's hair swirlies. The ones on top. They're nice

Gabriel's Jim's terrible short term memory will absolutely be remembering Gabriel and not retaining anything else

The reaction to a bit of litter in heaven is killing me

So Crowley is one of those coffee drinkers. Also, if I were the record shop lady, I'd bake Aziraphale a thank you cake

Getting tired of writing out all the names, sk they're just A and C now

Oh no, the coffee shop lady is taken. Poor record shop lady

Blanket toga is not a substitute for clothes

I thought "ask him properly" would lead to some magic angel stuff, not asking more aggressively

ARGUMENTS. I feel like A is playing on the time last season when C left, saying he was going to go to another galaxy (Andromeda?) and then ended up regretting that. To clarify, I'm currently paused so I haven't heard C's response yet so this entire paragraph could become moot

I feel like C's going through some stuff that he hasn't told A about

Man drinks six shots of espresso, spontaneously combusts, gets struck by lightning

The relationship and circumstances around these two shop keepers is so fanfiction. If they don't get together, I hope they can spend the time trapped in this coffee shop bonding and becoming besties. Also, there should be a manual override for the security system. Not having one is stupid, because of things like this. What if they were trapped in the record shop instead, and there was no readily available food? An internal manual override is crucial

I like Micheal's sleeve cuffs

Ooo, disabled angel!

Muriel I hope you get some confidence. And also I want your skirt

Small bit of litter confuses and confounds angels

Oh, wonder why Beelzebub got recast. (Don't go out of your way to look it up I don't care enough to check myself and definitely not enough to inconvenience someone else)

So. The conflict here is that C could give up Jim, get a promotion and that's a problem taken off his hands, but A would be mad at him. Or, he could do not that and risk both him and A getting erased from existence entirely, which will uh, make it so the apocalypse last season did not get stopped. Oh boy

Oh this coffee shop lady does not care for records. At all

Crowley "my bad" actually made me die laughing so that was excellent and also my ghost is now typing this

Oh I do not care for the tone of Lindsay's texts. At all. Nina you deserve better. I do like the format of the texts coming up though. The paper and red pen makes it seem a lot more personal and angry and uh. Not good.

One of those said "remember what we said about mutual respect" and blowing up your partner's phone angrily because they're late isn't respect, which is necessary in the "mutual" bit of mutual respect. I would personally be concerned that something had happened. Maybe walk down and see if they're alright. Assume that their phone had died maybe, idk

A: glasses on. C: glasses off

"You were right" does not contain the word sorry and oh good, A knows that. Oh there's a dance? 👀

Why. Why do they do that. This is hilarious, but I feel like it makes it more difficult to apologize for things if there's a humiliating dance involved. Which also still doesn't contain the word sorry

Jim go back upstairs. Also, why does he still not have clothes?

See, in the trailer, Muriel didn't recognize Gabriel, and I thought that was just because they've never met. Interesting to see that, no, there's an active reason for that

Being persona non grata with heaven means A isn't allowed to do miracles anymore? Or just that the miracles he does are more heavily scrutinized?

Ah, the old "immediate proof that the last thing said was completely wrong" trope. Also, weird seeing heaven with a red filter

Ah. Bit of warning for people sensitive to flashing lights. I don't think this flashes fast enough, it's a hard cut between red filtered heaven and white heaven, with a second or two between each cut. But like. Go carefully. It only lasts for a bit and there aren't too many interesting visuals during it. Right after C says "no one will have noticed a thing", stops when Uriel asks for the alarm to stop

Oh A. Can't stay out of trouble to save his life

All in all, I liked it a lot! I'm looking forward to the hijinks A&C get into, I really want to know why C's mood is so foul rn when he was generally cheery at the end of last season, or as cheery as he gets, wondering about all the empty boxes. One empty box is fine, but two? Suspicious. Hoping Nina dumps Lindsay, has a nice long recovery period where she can enjoy being herself, and then gets together with record shop lady, whose name I will remember sometime probably. But I'm out of soup, out of tea, and out of excuses to not pull nails from my wall, so I'm gonna go do that now

[ayoharuko]

Genshin Impact Bf Headcanons

 Hi everyone I'm back yay!😊

I'm feeling a bit better so i decided to just make a part 2 instead of snoozing around....

I hope u guys enjoy this part and I'm sorry for the wrong spelling or bad Grammer.

I also apologize if the headcanons are a bit occ or not canon at all these are headcanons after all. i wrote this on my laptop

Also one more thing I'll apologize for is sometimes the writing style will change like last time it might look nice and now its....just a bit not nice?? Does that make sense? sorry sorry I'm getting side tracked....

I just had my adhd moment−

oh even if i wanted to copy the same style as i did last time I'm too lazy to check the last post probably cause I'm derived of sleep and surviving with coffee ok fr imma stop-

REMINDER: All these characters belong to hoyoverse and does not belong to me (•ˋ _ ˊ•)

Anywaysss hope u enjoy this!

(Liyue Boys)

~Ajax my boi~ (Childe, Tartagila)

~Possessive Boyfriend~

• I had a debate between possessive or overprotective since he's technically both, a cunning fox and a blood thirsty wolf, but possessive takes the cake for me hahaha

• He doesn't like people's eyes on you. makes him jealous but he also likes peoples eyes on you. makes him prideful to show off that your he's

• Definitely leaves marks on you like obvious places too!

• If you fight or have a vision and can fight expect him to train with you, help you with your tasks and spar aka fight with you just to see who's stronger lmao

• Buys you expensive gifts when he's away(That fatui money yuh~✨)

• PLEASE BE CAREFUL NOT TO MAKE HIM JEALOUS. i feel like if he gets like really jealous your walking card....gone bish✨ and that person ✨G O N E✨

• Like when you met traveler he full on THOUGHT that were flirting with you and actually kind off threatened them-

• He siblings/family already adore you even if they haven't met you yet, they just know your a very nice person because of what teucer tells them!

• Speaking of teucer.....he probably loves you more then he's big brother....lol jk..or maybe...? But teucer loves you a lot since he sees you make he's big brother really happy all the time and also because your very nice and play with him a lot! This makes childe very happy since he knows he doesn't have to worry about he's siblings hating you.

• If you can't cook expect him to cook breakfast or dinner and also if he's free and yall live together he could also clean the house if you want~

• He always has hearts in he's eyes whenever you guys are together and for once the people around him and see a Slight sparkle in he's eyes

•  He's your overprotective but possessive wolf and he would go crazy if something happens to you...

�� You guys go on dinner dates especially if your both are in Snezhnaya

• He kinda keeps you a secret from the fatui but sometimes he can't help but brag about you still being careful with he's word of course 

• He loves you...a lot...but sometimes it can be... a little....crazy

Nicknames: Mine, Babe and baby

Voice line about you: Heyyy there comrade! I see your getting quite comfy with y/n over there....what nono..I'm not assuming you of anything I'm jjust gonna let you know their mine....alright? Good! dont want you sealing them now haha!

When he talks to you: Hiya babe~ what? You didn't like the way i talked to traveler? oh come on the were sealing all your attention from me tho~!

~Old Man Morax~ (Zhongli)

~Gentleman boyfriend~

• I don't imagine him as a jealous or possessive person since he's lived through so many years he probably has high patience. However doesn't mean he's not  overprotective since he's basically lost a lot of things in he's life he always make sure your safe, your eating well, water etc always cares about your health.

• Hu tao at one point has told you both that you remind her of an old married couple....and i think she's right-

• He wakes up before you and prepares you both tea not before admiring your sleepy face of course❣

• Cooks breakfast(Imagine him in an apron😫)for you both and cleans you guys house when your at work just him being a malewife🥺

• Would always open doors for you, buy you flowers(When he has mora) and buys you thinks when he's out in liyue(Again if he has mora otherwise its childes-)

• When you first made him lunch as a surprise at work he had the most heart warming smile ever like smiling while eating the food you cooked and just praising you constantly as well. Hu tao was jealous you didn't make her lunch lol

• At one point of you guys relationship he told the whole truth about him being an ex-god and even showed he's dragon form just so you would believe him.... and thank the archons you still accepted him for who he was and loved him...

• Sometimes when you guys are at the comfort of your house he lets out he's horns and tail so you can pet or touch them which he likes very much and you end up with a big dragon on you-

• Xiao has definitely been watching over you and zhongli knows it...he's grateful that even if he's not present xiao will be the one to watch over you🥺😭

• You guys would be outside at the sunset enjoying your tea and just overall chilling...those are he's favorite moments with you❤

• You guys can be found strolling around liyue just looking at the beautiful city

• He appreciates how you try and listen to he's tales even if he knows that some of them are boring and makes you fall asleep but he still appreciates in you trying to listen.

• Arguments would almost never happen in your relationship of course excluding you guys disagreements but zhongli tries to avoid arguing with you since he hates yelling and overall just hates seeing you mad.

• Even in a million years he would never stop being over in heels inlove with you💕

Nicknames: My gem, dear and my beloved

Voice line about you: “Hm...traveler..would you perhaps think that this would look nice on y/n? You think it would? Alright then I'll be taking this then. What? Oh...m-mora i..uhm..forgot my wallet again it seems...apologies..I'll pay you back traveler”

When he talks to you: “Dear i must thank you for this....it tastes marvelous”

~Baby Xiao~ (Alatus)

~Shy But Overprotective Boyfriend~

• He's both shy but very overprotective of you. Like he thinks your made of glass so he always watches you. minus when he has to go fight demons at night of course, but he always wants you to stay at the hotel when its night time since he knows how dangerous it is when its night time at liyue. if you have errand to do however...except him to come with you even if he hates large crowds.

• He'll only come and see you when you bring him food or call out he's name. and that was at like at least a few months into your relationship with him. The reason for this is because he doesn't want he's karma to affect you since your the only light he has.

• He only eats whatever you cook as he thinks their exceptional to he's taste. girl he actually thinks your cooking is delicious thats why lol

• He LOVES headpats and LOVES kisses on the forehead. FIGHT ME I DARE YOU🙂

• When you hug him he turns red in an instant and then relaxes but sometimes(Sadly) pushes you off of him...since he's too scare of he's karma going to you😭, meaning he's always running away from you....

• But there are sometimes when you convince him to stay...and when he does stay...he lets you do whatever you please with him. Thats including kisses, reassurance, comfort and cuddles for the baby💕

• If you get hurt he instantly blames himself. So you have to reassure him that it isn't he's fault whatsoever.

• He brings you Qingxin flowers he's favorite flowers and leaves it at your nightstand if you live in the hotel its a reminder from him to you that he loves you and that he always watches over you.

• At every affection you give him it doesn't matter if big or small he always turns red since that how much he had fallen for you. 

• Ya know you'll feel like you have a guard dog always watching you....in a good way

• Always dreads the day you'll have to leave him...he knows your a mortal...he knows their fragile and weak...but he just doesn't wanna let you go...your he's only weakness and the only one who shows he's love for.

Nicknames: My light(Rarely)

Voice line about you: “What? I'm not looking at y/n...your simply imagining....”

When he talks to you: “You called? H-huh? Cuddles? I suppose it won't hurt...just this once...I'll humor you..you mortal”

~Bookworm Boi~ (Xingqiu)

~Prince Boyfriend~ 

• He might act like a prince but he is still a bookworm...but we love he's nerdy side so thats fine!

• Since xingqiu’s basically rich he definitely knows how to act like a gentleman...although before he fall inlove with you i like to think he had ignored every person who he's family set him up with..so they were surprised to find out that he suddenly took an interest in you.

• There are sometimes where he pays more attention to he's books more then you but please dont worry he loves you😊

• Buys books that he thinks makes you think of him. i mean he does have the money-

• He thought of a love story that was about you both and wrote it down...but writing it down poor Chongyun had to since our water boi’s hand-writing sucks, but it was worth it since it was very romantic and cute⁓

• He also writes poems about you and then read them to you in the afternoon under a tree while your napping either on he's shoulder or lap.

• Compliments everyday baby💕

• HE'S A MF TEASE. like you see the pranks or things he does to poor Chongyun?? I feel bad for you both😔

• When he's not occupy with a book you both are walking around liyue either buying things at stalls, books or food really anything he's down.

• Yelan watches over you both. like sometimes she'll treat you both to a restaurant and she'll sit in another table while you both have your meal(She pays for it too)Basically she observers how you both interact with each other and finds you both cute🥺

• Overall he's a real prince to you minus being a bookworm

Nicknames: My liege and love

Voice line about you: “This book reminds me of them....lets buy it”

When he talks to you: “Hm? You would like my attention? Hehe...alright then my liege..I'll give you what you want~”

~Precious Exorcist~ (Chongyun)

~Shy Boyfriend~

• Now him...he's 100% baby

• Whenever you touch him he short circuits. My boi knows nothing about girls-. Xinyan or yun jin obviously don't count, When we're talking about periods...its a different story....

• But he's very sweet and cares for you!, always senses when your upset/sad and immediately tries to cheer you up.

• Your he's meat shied if xingqiu comes looking for him...he tries to avoid he's friend quite a lot.

• Xingqui teases you both well mainly chongyung about how much he's a simp for you hehe...

• He always stutters when he talks to you. with the blush too!

• He's always on a look out for evil spirits or demons since he wants to protect you. When you have a nightmare he blames it on demons and he's dislike towards them increases.

• Like how yelan would watch over you and xingqiu. Shenhe watches over the both of you as a protector since she knows that chongyung still has a lot to learn and even if doesn't wanna admit it...she worries for you both.

• Shares he's popsicles with you💘

Nicknames:(Sadly no nickname he's too shy yall)

Voice line about you: “I-i get it now xingqui! g-geez...i..love them..a lot..”

When he talks to you: “H-how are you? O-oh fine? thats good...uhm..would you like to go to xinyan’s concert tomorrow?”

And that concludes our liyue boys!

tysm for reading this far everyone and again I'm sorry for the grammer or spelling mistakes o(*￣▽￣*)ブ

I hope u guys enjoyed this one my brain kinda hurtled from thinking this much headcanons lol

But it was worth it I'm proud to have finish part 2!. Now part 3 will be maybe after a few days and its the inazuma boys this time yay💕

But yea tysm for reading this far everyone mua mua~!💕✨

[pixla]

Love letter

Tommy Slater x nb!reader

Summary: you find an anonymous love letter and assume it’s from Kurt

Word count: 1.4K

Warnings: confession, fluff, kissing, (light) drug use, very undedited (tell me if there’s anymore)

(Btw cindy and Tommy are not and have not dated in this au)

You look down at the cream envelope in your hands. You had found it tucked under your pillow after returning from the mess hall for dinner.

You smile giddily to yourself, tearing open the seal of the envelope carefully. Your mind flutters with the image of a familiar face as you read the words that were written about you.

Alice walked over to your bunk leaning over the piece of paper you held on your hands. She scoffed, sitting beside you, causing the bed to creak. “Is that a fucking love letter?! Who the fuck still writes love letters over the age of Twelve?!”

“Hey!” You ellbow her in the side to shut her up. “I actually find it quite sweet.”

“Shut up and read it all ready! I wanna know what this little stalker you have has to say about you.” Alice whined.

You began.

“I don’t really know how to start this letter but I really need to get this off my chest. Y/N, you are so fucking perfect. I remember the first time you introduced yourself to me. I think about the way you looked at me that day. The way your-“

“blah blah blah.” Alice interrupted. “This is surprisingly really fucking boring, just get to the good shit!”

You groaned. “If you feel the same way, you’ll know who this is from.”

“Ooooooo.” Alice whistled. “Wellllll, who do you think it is?!”

You stared at her with a particular look that set off a switch in her brain as it finally clicked. “KURT?! Shit! I mean it makes sense..”

“There’s nobody else it could be, right? I always catch him staring and he’ll take any opportunity to talk to me so I guess it has to be him.” You hypothesise.

“Well, what are you gonna do about it, you gonna try and get in his pants?” Alice half jokes, raising her eyebrow at you.

“I don’t know, I always thought he was kind of a dick but this letter, this letter is different.”

“Welp, whatever you think.” Alice said, shrugging her shoulders, not judging you at all.

—

You awoke to the feeling of someone’s hand on your shoulder, shaking you. You jump slightly only to realise it was Alice, of course it was Alice. “Wake up sleepy head, you’re gonna miss the most important meal of the day!” She said sarcastically.

Pulling your body from the bed, you sat there arching your back, cracking it as you yawned. “Fuck I feel like slept for the entire summer.”

“You practically did, I thought you were dead it was so hard to wake you up.”

You both chuckle as you quickly slip into a pair denim shorts, paring it with the white tank you were already wearing.

“Sooo.” Alice began as you both walked in the direction of the mess haul. “About this ‘Kurt’ guy.”

You sighed, rubbing your temples as you had completely forgotten about the whole secret admirer situation. “Idk, I guess I’ll just confront him?”

“What no way,” she snickered, “you’ve gotta be subtle. Flirt! Play with your hair like in the movies even!”

Walking into the haul, Arnie immediately walks up to the both of you, swinging his arm around Alice. “Soo, Y/N I’ve heard about this mystery lover boy of yours hmmm..”

You roll your eyes at Alice who’s wearing a guilty grin over the fact that she’s basically already told half of the camp.

“Y’know, I think it might be Gary.” Arnie says with zero sarcasm.

After grabbing breakfast, you follow Alice and Arnie over to a table situated on the right, in the back of the haul where Cindy Berman, Tommy Slater, Joan and Gary sit.

You sit yourself down next to Tommy smiling at him before dropping your food tray on the table next to his. He looks at you, “so um, Y/N, any uh le- I mean-“ He stumbles over his words slightly running his fingers through his hair.

You look over at Alice immediately. “Really, him too?”

She raises her hands. “Uh! No actually!”

You look at Tommy confused, about to question him before Arnie raises his hand in defeat. “No, um that was me actually.” You sigh, somehow not surprised. Everyone laughs including Joan despite her probably being too high to even know what was going on.

—

You sat on the edge of your bed contemplating to yourself. “Okay, fuck it! Tonight I’m gonna make my move on kurt.

“Got fucking finally.” Alice groans, jumping onto her bed, sighing.

“You know tonight at the bonfire, I’m just gonna go over to him and just tell him how I feel!” You say standing up in revelation.

“Well better get yourself all dolled up and pretty for little old kurt, the suns already starting to fall.” Alice smirks.

—

Strutting from your cabin, you feel like a whole new person, confident and ready to finally confront your feelings.

You look around as you near the bonfire, looking for kurt. You spot him in a large group of people, typical for someone as popular as him.

You walk in Kurt’s direction, looking at him as he laughs and jokes with his circle of friends as he takes sips from the coke can he’s holding. “Hey kurt.” He turns to you. “Oh hey Y/N…um what you up to?” He laughs awkwardly. You brush a loose strand of hair from your face. “So I got your letter… I thought what you wrote was super, like super sweet and I think I feel the same way.”

He laughs confused looking back at his friends, signalling to them that he’ll only be a second. “yeah I don’t know about any letter.” Your face drops as he looks at you as though you're insane. “But like if you're looking to y’know I could probably free up my schedule I don’t know, um maybe tomorrow?”

Your face drops. “Yeah…nevermind...” You U turn in the opposite direction as Kurt shrugs your strange behaviour off, redirecting his attention back to his friends.

You walk back to Alice and your group of friends with fear shining bright in your eyes. You grap Alice’s shoulder pulling her out of her conversation with Arnie and Joan.

“Yo what’s wrong?!” She questions as you pull her away. “Wrong. Fucking. Guy.”

“Wait so it’s not Kurt? Then who the fuck is it?” She asks just as confused as you.

You ponder for a second and then it hits you. Tommy. Fucking. Slater. “Where’s Tommy?” You ask Alice hastily, grabbing her shoulder again.

“Um I don’t know, he said he was going to the outhouse, why do you need to know anyways?!” Alice stood there stunned as you ran off before you answer any of her questions.

How could you possibly be so stupid. It was always him. It was so obvious. Out of anyone it was always him who would come to your aid, to help you when you got stuck with cleaning the mess haul or outhouse. Or when you seemed down, he would always be the first after Alice to ask what was wrong.

Running as fast as you could, you prayed that he’d forgive you. Your mind was occupied when you failed to notice a pothole that hooked your foot causing you to tumble to the ground. “Fuck!” You look down at your now muddied hands.

“Hey are you okay?” You look up.

“Tommy?”

He smiles, holding a hand out to you, helping lift your weight. “I’m so, so sorry Tommy. I should’ve known it was you but I was too stupid to realise.” You begged, praying he wouldn’t hate you.

“Hey, hey don’t say that about yourself. This was all my fault, I shouldn’t of left you that cryptic note like I pussy, I should’ve just told you.” He looked at you. “I hope you can forgive me.”

You reached your hand up, grabbing the collar of his shirt, pulling him in. Breaking the distance, you brought your lips together in a kiss. “I really like you Tommy.” You say softly between kisses. He snakes his arm around you waist pulling you in closer, “you are so perfect.”

[artsyyyjpg]

BF BOKUTO IN WINTER /FALL HEADCANONS

.・゜゜・This was very much impulsive and half of these are me projecting but I hope you all enjoy regardless lol.・゜゜・

❁ He'll purposely buy hoodies that are 2 sizes too big for himself knowing damn well you'll steal them lol

❁ He steals your fuzzy socks. That is all.

❁ You can't tell me he wouldn't be like that one husband that'll sleep on your side of the bed until you're there so when he scoots over, your spot is warm [sob]

❁ Around Thanks Giving, he loves making little paper hand turkeys even if they're horrobly done, just to see you smile/laugh

❁ He takes HOT showers, so whenever he's done, the bathroom feels like a sauna 💀

❁ He'll play Christmas songs as soon as Thanks Giving is over lmao

❁ Whenever you guys are cuddling, he'll purposely put his cold ass feet on your legs to tease you and end up getting pushed off the couch/bed by you lol

❁ Late night Christmas movies during weekends>>>>

❁ He def decorated like half of the entire Christmas tree within an hour because he got excited about new ornaments you bought

❁ If he sees you have a heater facing you, he won't steal it, he'll just opt for squeezing himself in between you and your blanket so you then have him, your blanket, and your heater keeping you warm lol

❁ He tried baking cookies once and they came out absolutely burnt to crisps because he didn't realize he set the oven too high, so to (over)compensate, he bought you your favorite kind of cake and decorated it with little frosting Santa hats. It's been a thing for him to get cakes like this every year now and it never gets old <3

❁ On Christmas night, he'll make the living room dimly lit with fairy lights and the TV, the TV playing old timey love songs like 'It's Been a Long Long Time', 'Love Me Tender', 'Can't Help Falling In Love', etc, ect, as you both slow dance in your pajamas until you both get sleepy and fall asleep on the living room couch together

.・゜-: ✧ :- I hope these little fall/winter Bokuto head-canons were fun to read!

Mostly wrote these because 1, I won't get to talk to my bff for like a week and this is me partially coping and 2, I love Bokuto with my entire heart and these make perfect sense in my head lmao.

Wrote most of these with the fact that he gives very much golden retriever vibes in mind and the fact that I'm a hopeless romantic, esp when there's 50's-90's music involved [sobbing] -: ✧ :-゜・．

[johnsamericano]

𝓓𝓪𝔂 3:

ѕυн נσнииу

23 days of NCT masterlist.

warnings: tooth-rotting shit, Johnny is a dick at the beggining, inexperienced reader, fem masturbation, it's kinda bad but I hope you enjoy.

taglist: @notbeforelong @curieouscapt @whathamelon @unknown5tar

“I’m going out with my friends tonight, don’t wait up for me.” He commented while slipping his black, leather shoes on.

“Drive carefully .” You answered as you popped a cup of instant ramen inside the microwave.

“Yeah.” You took a deep breath after the door closed behind him. Freedom finally.

You turned on the Tv, setting the volume louder than usual. Johnny didn’t like noise, to be honest, he probably didn’t even like you. He had so many house rules, you couldn’t even breathe without getting scolded by him. Not even three months had passed since your wedding and you already felt like you were in some sort of military camp.

“God, it smells so nice.” You murmured, pulling out the hot cup from the microwave and dumping the content in a bowl.

You ate on the sofa, another thing that Johnny hated, while watching your favorite series, enjoying your time alone. If it wasn’t for your parents, you would’ve never agreed to marry him, but they sounded so excited with the idea that you couldn’t refuse them, it wasn’t like you had a line of men waiting for you anyways.

You decided to have a little dessert, a mug cake, to be specific. You decided to make one for Johnny as well, the memories of you as kids eating all sorts of candies coming back to you as to mixed all the ingredients together. What happened to him during high school? All you knew was that he studied abroad and came back like a completely different man. He wasn’t your Johnny anymore. Of course, you were sad at first, but your sadness soon turned into anger as his attitude towards you got worse.

“Get lost.” Or “You’re so annoying.” Were some of the things you’d often hear.

You stopped trying after a semester, and it was quite healing to be honest. But then your parents had to bring him back to your life, and in the worst way possible. Nevertheless, they seemed happy, knowing that someone nice was living with you. Of course, they didn’t know the new Johnny.

After eating up all your food, you washed the dishes and laid down on the couch, your eyelids slowly closing as you drifted away. It wasn’t until a couple of hours later when a pair of arms woke you.

“Huh?” You opened your eyes a bit disoriented.

Johnny held you between his arms, carrying you towards your shared bedroom, which he almost never used.

“Go back to sleep, I got you.” He tucked you in with delicate movements. You could sense alcohol in his breath, but he wasn’t acting drunk at all. “Close your eyes.” He murmured as he felt your gaze over him.

“If alcohol was all it took for you to be nice, I would’ve poured some whiskey on your morning coffee every day.” He couldn’t help but chuckle at your remarks.

“I’ve been a bit rude to you, haven’t I?” He kneeled down in front of the bed, his thumb tracing the shape of your eyebrow. Now you were certain he was drunk. “I’m sorry, I still don’t know how to act around you.”

“What do you mean?”

“Ever since you rejected me-”

“I’m sorry, what?” You frowned.

“You know, the letter I sent you when I was abroad...” He tried helping you remember, things getting clearer for him at your lack of response. “You didn’t get it, did you?” You shook your head. “Shit.”

“So you’ve been an ass to me for a letter I didn’t even get? Way to go, Suh.” Anger started boiling at the bottom of your stomach, sleepiness abandoning your system. “God, I wanna hit you so bad right now.”

“Please, do so.” He felt like a piece of garbage, having treated the girl he loved like his worst enemy for a misunderstanding. “But, hypothetically, if you had gotten that letter...what would’ve been your answer?” He fidgeted with the bedsheets, feeling your legs shift under them.

“I don’t know, what did it say?”

“I’m not gonna tell you what a lame 14 year old wrote to his crush.” He scoffed. “It was just a love confession, quite cheesy if you ask me.”

“If I had gotten that letter...” You cupped his soft cheeks, they were burning, probably because of the drinks he’d had, or maybe because of your touch. “I would’ve begged my parents to let me take a flight to see you, so I could answer to your confession in person.” His heart stopped, the answer he’d longed for so many years was finally about to slip from your mouth. “I did like you, John. But then you abruptly changed, and you hurt me so much during this past years.” Your words sounded unforgiving, and yet, you had the softest look on your moonlit face. “But I’m willing to let that go if you tell me what you’re feeling right now.”

He didn’t hesitate to pull your face closer to his, your noses slightly touching.

“I’m so glad you agreed to marry me, that way I get to spend the rest of my life with the woman I’ve loved for so many years. Only if you want that too, of course.”

“Will rude Johnny be back tomorrow morning?” You asked, your eyebrows knitted together.

“Rude Johnny’s dead.” His sweet smile encouraged you to finally shorten the distance between your lips. It was your very first real kiss as a couple.

Your lips fitted perfectly together, like two puzzle pieces. He was the first to make a move, placing his hand on the back of your neck to pull you closer as he climbed on top of your body. The kiss started getting heated, his tongue freely exploring your mouth as his hands got playful, softly kneading your breast.

The palms of your hands touched his well built pecs, a small gasp escaping your mouth as you realized how strong he really was. He was definitely not the skinny teenager you were in love with.

“What is it, baby?” He smiled, his cheeks turning slightly pink, your wide eyes looking attentively at him.

“Did you eat teenage Johnny or something?” He laughed, the prettiest and most genuine laugh you’d ever heard from him.

“No, but there’s someone else I’m surely gonna eat out tonight.” You smack his chest, a high pitched whine coming out from his mouth. “What was that for?”

“Don’t talk like that...it’s my first time.” He’d already guessed it by the fact that you’d never had a boyfriend or a proper date, but it was still shocking to hear it from your own mouth.

“Then I guess I’ll have to be gentle.” His long fingers started undoing the buttons of his dress shirt right in front of your inexperienced eyes, cockily smirking at the way you’d unconsciously bite your lower lip. “Can I ask something?” You nodded, eyes still glued to his half naked chest. “The day of our wedding...was that your first kiss?” You remembered the lame peck you received as soon as the officiant declared you husband and wife.

“Sadly.” He felt as if a hundred needles were stabbing his lovesick heart.

“I’m sorry.” He apologized, kissing your soft lips over and over again. “I stole your first kiss.”

“Then make up for it.” You raised your hips, your sensitive core meeting with his bulge and stealing a gasp from both of you.

His hungry lips attached to your neck, sucking several purple marks on it as your hands quickly worked through the remaining buttons of his shirt, helping him slide it down his arms. Even with the lack of light in your room, you could see his torso perfectly, the way his biceps would twitch as his hands slipped inside your shirt, thumbs caressing the soft skin of your tummy.

“Johnny.” You moaned, his hands moving upwards to play with your hard nipples.

“Turn on the light on the nightstand, I want to see you.” He murmured beside your ear, kissing the shell of it as you extended your arm to do as he said.

You blinked repeatedly, trying to adjust to the new illumination. Johnny looked even more ethereal under the dim, yellow light.

“Why have you got to be so damn perfect?” Your fingers traced his well-defined abs, mesmerized by the shape of them. While you were distracted drooling over his body, he took the chance to lift your shirt just above your round boobs, moaning at the sight of the two, beautiful mounds. Reality stroke you as you felt your nipples harden from the cold air. “Don’t look at me like that.” You avoided his eyes, your body growing hotter under his intense gaze.

“How do you expect me to look at the woman I love?” You turned to your side, shirt still lifted.

“Stop it.” Johnny loved how shy you’d always been around him, specially whenever he complimented you.

“No.” He pecked your cheek, hands going down to remove your shorts, stopping right before lowering the waistband. “Are you really okay with this?” You nodded, still refusing to look at him.

“Are you?”

“What a silly question, of course I am.” Without any further delay, he pulled both of the pieces covering your lower half down. You pressed your legs together, trying to hide your wet center. “Why are you hiding yourself from me, baby?” He mocked, hands caressing your round ass.

“I’ve never been naked in front of anyone.” He was quick to dispose his remaining clothes, wanting to make you feel more comfortable.

“Look at me.” His big hand was holding the side of your head as you turned back to him, trying your best not to look down at his manhood. “Open your legs for me.” As he was the experienced one, you decided to let him take the lead, slowly revealing yourself to him. “Good girl.” His praises only sent electric shocks right into your core.

“Are you gonna put it inside now?” Adorable, Johnny thought, using his finger pads to tease your inner thighs.

“No, I need to prepare you first. Otherwise, it might hurt.” He’d done it thousands of times, but it somehow felt different with you, as if he had to be extra careful to make sure you had the most pleasurable experience, even if it meant having to endure the stinging pain between his legs for a while longer.

He first used his middle finger to run it up and down your slit, satisfied at how wet you were for him. He talked you through every single one of his movements, making sure you were comfortable with everything he was doing.

“Johnny.” You whined, three fingers pumping in and out of your entrance. It was definitely different than when you did it by yourself, his digits reached deeper, delivering a new kind of pleasure. “I need you.”

He hummed, pulling out his fingers to grab the base of his dick. He ran the tip over your slit, your hips slightly bucking at the contact.

“Tell me when it stops hurting.” He was only halfway in when you asked him for a break, already feeling overwhelmingly full. “Don’t worry, take your time.” He said despite feeling the urgent need to move.

It took you a few minutes to recover, letting him bottom out. The pain was bearable after that first break, so you almost immediately asked him to move. Johnny started off slowly, both of his hands beside your head as he rolled his hips against yours.

“Does it feel good?” He didn’t even need a verbal answer, your facial expressions were more than enough to let him know just how good he was making you feel. “I’m not gonna last long.”

“Me neither.” You held onto his biceps, the knot on your tummy becoming tighter as he picked up the pace.

He lowered his face to connect your lips, both of you moaning into each other’s mouth as you reached your high, bare chests touching each other while you tried to slow your heartbeat.

“I wish this would’ve been out wedding night.” He kissed your collarbone, pulling out to plop down beside you. “Again, I’m really sorry.”

“Let it go already, John.” You hugged his naked body against yours, letting his hand play with your hair. “As long as you’re like this from now on, we’ll be alright.”

You didn’t even notice when your eyes started closing again, falling asleep beside your now loving husband. The next morning you panicked as he wasn’t by your side anymore. Had it been a dream?

“Good morning, sunshine.” Johnny suddenly came through the door, a tray with food between his hands. “You must be hungry after last night.” He left it on top of your legs, smiling naturally as if this was your everyday routine.

It was definitely gonna take time to adjust to this Johnny.

“Heart shaped sandwiches? That’s so corny, Suh.” You laughed, staring at your food with sparkly eyes.

“Hey! That took me two hours to make.” He went to the bathroom and returned with a hairbrush. “Your hair’s a mess, let me fix it while you eat.” He sat down behind you, slowly going through your hair as you stuffed your face with food.

“Does this mean I’m not gonna have to add whiskey to your morning coffee?” He chuckled behind you, pressing his lips to the back of your neck.

“That won’t be necessary.” He tied your hair up in a not-so-messy bun, lacing his arms and legs around your waist once he was done. “You look cute on my shirt.” You hadn’t even noticed. Probably he’d cleaned you up and dressed you right after you fell asleep.

“I look cute in everything.”

“Yes you do.” More kisses. “Now hurry up, we’re going out today.”

“Where to?”

“I’m taking you out on our very first date.”

[lebrookestore]

tape 5: play

Pairing: Zhong Chenle x reader

Themes: angst, ex! au, college-ish au, small town au. It goes back and forth a lot

Warnings: heavy angst, bittersweet ending, swearing, its very sad, chenle is a jerk

Wc: 6k

Playlist: 2 kids by Taemin, Gone by Rosé, Instagram by Dean, I still do by Why Don’t We, Believed by Lauv

Taglist: @danishmiilk @channoticedmeuwu @chicksung @1-800-seo @blueprint-han @jenosslut @cupidluvstarrz @kkakkdugi @sweetlyjaem @vera-liscious @leetaeyonglover @kunrengui @unknown5tar @kisshim @intokook @mrkcore @coco-riki

Summary: A year after your boyfriend moved away, you find yourself sitting in your room with five tapes, earphones, a cassette player and what you hoped, and feared, was closure.

Authors Note: hello! this fic was supposed to be a small blurb but then i got inspired and lo and behold its a full fledged fic! I can’t believe I wrote this in two days sdfjfjkfjk. Feedback would be very much appreciated for this, since I’ve never written anything like this before ;-;

Midtown, almost got a place out of midtown, Instead I took a plane out of this town, And missed out on us 

~

It was a sunny Saturday morning, as you pulled into your driveway, coming back from the store. 

Parking the car and getting the bags, you walked up to the door, knocking it and waiting. You were met with your mother’s smiling face as she took one of the bags of groceries from you.

You lived in a small sleepy town, and attended the college there as well, which meant you still stayed with your parents. You were fine with that, you liked living there, and you could forgo the stress and anxiety of having to re adjust to a new place.

This was your home. It always had been.

Of course, you had been on holidays to other places, you had visited the other town, but when it came to it, you had always found yourself back where you started. There was no other place for you, there never would be.

It was the truth, but it held something bitter.

Then again, you had enough going on already, with being in your freshman year, straight out of high school, college life was very different. You had been to a total of two parties so far, courtesy of your best friend— Lia— dragging you with her. 

You had enjoyed them, but it wasn’t something you would voluntarily participate in again.

The workload was something that had definitely changed, bogged down with mandatory lectures and assignments, tests popping up like a bad smell, you had more than enough to occupy you.

“Something has arrived for you!” Your mother said, almost excitedly, “It’s on the table.”

You helped her put away the groceries, walking to your living room, eyes falling on the package sitting on the table. It was somewhat shabbily wrapped, with tape haphazardly stuck on it to keep it together, and a tag pasted on the top.

Picking it up, you pass it from your right hand to your left, feeling its weight, reading the little tag. It held your address, your name and another name you hadn’t seen in almost a year.

Your mind ran at a hundred miles per minute, wondering why it was here, why his name was on it. It made no sense to you.

“Darling? Are you okay?”

Your mothers voice snapped out of your reverie, nodding slowly, “I’ll be in my room, finishing off a project”, you said carefully, trying not to show any sort of emotion as you climbed up the stairs of your house, two at a time, making sure not to drop the package.

Closing the door, you place it on your bed, reading over the tag again, a bitter taste filling your mouth. A name you hadn’t thought of in a year coming back now. It was so random, so absolutely unnecessary.

You curled your fingers around the messy brown paper, tearing it open as your mind reeled. The crackling sound filled the silence as the contents of it make itself known to you.

A shoebox.

It’s dusty, a dark blue colour with a line of red running at its side. There were two holes on either end, lined with metal piping and you could just about make out the nike symbol on the top. You brushed your hand over it, the dust coming off easily and sticking to your fingers.

Why would he send you this?

His name sticks out on the tag like a sore thumb, reminding you of what you lost, mocking you. Always content with where you are, hmm? His voice comes back, as clear as day. It’s as if he’s standing there, giving you his chesire cat grin as he spoke the words.

Zhong Chenle.

Lifting the lid off the box, you’re thrown into confusion. A cassette player, a pair of earphones, and five tapes. Picking up the player, you smile briefly at the dramatic set up. He could’ve called you, or sent a message, so why did he take the pains of sending you something as old and unnecessary as this?

Then again, it had been a year since he stopped picking up your calls, since you stopped trying to call him.  A year since all contact had been cut off, as if he had never existed in the first place.

Sometimes you wondered if Chenle had been a hallucination. An imaginary friend.

Friend.

The questions filter in. Why? It had been a year, so why had he sent you this now? You had finally told yourself you were over it, that you didn’t need an answer, but somehow as soon as you did that, you found yourself sitting in your room on your bed with what could be it.

The tapes were numbered in permanent marker in his messy handwriting, from one to five, indicating the order in which they were to be listened to in. You picked up the first, slotting it in the player and waiting.

You didn’t know what you were waiting for.

You pressed play. There was crackling, but only for a moment, until  it went silent. Maybe this was all a mistake, maybe this wasn’t even happening. Maybe-

i] tape 1: you deserve to hate me

Hey

His voice cut through your spiraling thoughts as you froze in place. He sounded the same as you last heard him, a little muffled due to the recording but the same. At the same time he sounded like a stranger. There was silence for a moment again, before he spoke up.

This is stupid isn’t it?

You felt the urge to answer, but your mouth went dry. It had been so, so long, and even though you had adequate time to get over him, it suddenly felt as if you were treading unfamiliar territory once again. 

I-I don’t know why I’m doing this. I think it’s because I feel so horrible, I need an outlet. I guess speaking it into existence and recording it makes is my outlet. Making it all real.

But that’s fucking terrifying.

You don’t think you’re following, confused once again. 

Y/n

You hear him take a deep breath right after your name, and it sends a chill down your spine, hearing him say your name once again. You had almost forgotten how it sounded.

I don’t know if you’ll ever hear this, or listen to it. If you don’t I’ll actually be glad. You don’t deserve to, I’ve been a jerk to you. I’m sorry. I hope you hate me, I definitely deserve it.

I’m moving in two months.

The realization hits you, this had been recorded a year ago as well, two months before he left without a word or warning. It was old, he was here when he recorded it.

You didn’t quiet know how you felt, not yet anyways.

And you won’t know until I’m gone.

I’m moving to Korea, and I refuse to tell you, even if it makes me the bad guy, even if it feels worse, because that’s my dream. 

I got signed by a record label after sending them that demo I did —remember it? We both went to the studio together, you listening outside as I sang. You were right by my side, all the time.

Except now when I record this, except when I leave. 

I refuse to tell you, because the moment I do I know it’ll be real, realer than it is now as I say it. I don’t want to see the look on your face when I say I’m going, I know it’ll make me want to stay, but I don’t want to stay.

You knew exactly what he was talking about, you could recollect that day clearly. There was a small studio a little outside the town. That day, he had booked it for two hours to record a demo, his singing mentor with him and you tagging along.

It had always been like that, the two of you against the world, until, of course he left.

I physically can’t stay, I hate it here Y/n. It’s not for me, I want to get out, that had always been the plan. I want to get out and be free, I want to achieve my dreams. Maybe it’s selfish, maybe I don’t deserve a minute more of your time, but I want it all.

That’s why I’m not going to tell you —so I can have it all, at least until I don’t have you.

But you, you don’t deserve this, do you? Of course you don’t, but I suppose you’re the one with the shitty luck, you’re the one who ended up with me and now I’m going to hurt you. 

He laughs a dry, breathy laugh. It was half hearted, as if he was trying to get himself to believe the situation was funny. 

It’s not your fault I-fuck I’m sorry.

You heard a click and the tape died off, he had stopped recording there. The first tape was finished, and honestly, you didn’t know how to react. One part of you wanted to feel nothing, you wanted to put the player and the five tapes back into the box and send them away, or lock them in your closet to never find them again.

But the other part of you wanted to know more. You wanted to know how he felt, what went through his mind during that time. You wanted to know just how you lost Chenle, the first boy you ever loved.

Suddenly you felt overwhelmed, vulnerable almost. It was as if someone had opened up an old wound and left it open.

You got to your feet abruptly, pulling the earphones from your ears and dropping them on your bed, taking a step away and blinking rapidly. You couldn’t get caught up in the past, you couldn’t put yourself through that again.

But it was hard when the past was in your present.

Wasted, and all of my regret, I can taste it, If I had a time-machine, I would take it, And make it back to us

~

That night you couldn’t sleep.

The box sat on your desk, right next to your laptop, staring at you. You turned around on your bed, looking the other way, only to be met with the white of the walls.

You never liked the colour white.

It was too plain, too open for interpretation. It never had a solid answer. You liked stability, you wanted something permanent. You were the type of person that needed that reassurance.

Perhaps that’s why you were happy where you were, you didn’t find the appeal in starting over, because that meant nothing was certain. You stayed where you were because everything was already laid out for you.

It was like a colouring book in your little town, the lines all set out, everything drawn for you. Change meant you had to sketch everything from scratch. What if you messed up?

Needless to say, it was a good thing you weren’t an art major.

“This is ridiculous”, you whispered to yourself, sighing at the fact that you were now talking to yourself. You rolled over so that you were lying on your back, staring at the ceiling. The glow in the dark stars shone with their dull green light. You remember the day you had put them up, with Chenle.

You shared a lot of memories with him.

“Fucking hell”, you hissed, sitting up, swinging your legs off the edge of your bed and walking to your desk, sitting on the chair. Rubbing the sleep from your eyes, you picked up the second tape, inserting it in the player and putting the earphones on, waiting for it to begin.

ii] tape 2: milk before cereal

I know I’m making some terrible decisions, I really do, but if there’s one thing I stand by, its the fact that milk definitely goes before the cereal.

Why am I talking about this?

Well, because today you came over, Y/n, you came over and the two of us were watching a movie, and in the middle of it, you decided you wanted to have cereal, specifically frosted flakes.

So what do we do? We have cereal because I can’t say no to you. You’re welcome by the way, honestly, I deserve the boyfriend of the year award.

A moment of silence.

No I don’t. I really don’t.

You bit your lower lip, shutting your eyes. It was the way he switched, the way his demeanor changes so suddenly that made you want to scream. Sometimes it felt like he was telling a story, one you knew and loved.

Only for the next moment to bring you down to reality, reminding you that all stories don't have happy endings.

Anyways, we got the cereal and you objected when I put the milk first, saying that it was wrong, but how? In what way? Here me out Y/n, I shall tell you why I’m right, even If I’m not actually talking to you.

You couldn’t help but scoff at this, shaking your head at Chenle. He had always had a flair for being dramatic in the littlest ways possible. It was endearing.

Putting the cereal first means it sits in the milk for longer! If you put the cereal last, you can have it crunchy! Isn’t that ten times better? Unless you’re one of the devils spawn and like soggy cereal. If so I’m hypothetically breaking up with you right here right now.

Ah...bad wording. I keep forgetting I have to break up with you. I don’t want to, is that selfish?

You deserve the truth, if only I was strong enough to give it to you. Staying silent is so much easier.

It’s not lying, not completely anyways. I’m not lying if I don’t tell you at all. I suppose it’s a half truth then, with the truth hidden in plain sight. 

*click*

Lying. That’s what he did, even though he spent the last few minutes of the tape trying to justify it, he lied. He trampled all over your heart without a single warning.

You had trusted Chenle, having known him since you were thirteen. He had completely destroyed that trust. Something like that couldn’t be fixed so easily, not even if he had sent you these tapes.

Then again, you didn’t know why he sent them.

You retreated to your bed, turning away from the tapes, the words and memories they held, facing white once again.

You had met Chenle when the two of you were thirteen, in eight grade math. The boy was failing the class, and one day you found him sitting early morning in class, with his head in his hands as he groaned over some sort of equation.

You had offered to help, and the smile he gave was the brightest one you had ever seen, he was practically grinning from ear to ear. That was the beginning of your friendship, and the two of you were inseperable.

Ninth grade it was confirmed that the two of you were best friends, sitting together, complaining about teachers together, going places together so your parents didn’t need to tag along.

In your last year of high school the two of you started dating, and when you had told your parents, they were ecstatic, confessing they had always thought the two of you would end up together.

He was always there for you, every time you needed him. You could give him a call and he would be outside your door. If you were feeling insecure or scared, he was always there to hype you up.

You had been best friends before, you were lovers then, and it was amazing. You loved everything about being with Chenle. You loved everything about him, from his toothy grin to his obnoxiously loud laugh.

You loved the way his eyes sparkled when he had an idea (which, for the most part, were absolutely terrible. Needless to say the two of you got in trouble a lot), when he sang for you when you stayed over, the way he would always make sure you were never cold.

You loved him.

It was written in the stars, you were meant to be, it was the perfect combination. Chenle was the right person for you- the perfect person.

A year later you woke up with him gone, no texts, no warnings. He had just gone, leaving you alone.

Right person, wrong time.

Monday came around sooner than you thought it would, the weekend passing in a blur as you walked out of your first class, spotting Lia leaning against the wall outside your class, scrolling through something on her phone.

She was an exchange student, not originally from your town, but had fit right in. Sometimes you wished you could be like that.

“Oh! You’re out! Listen, there’s a party on Friday and you’re coming with me”, she stated. It wasn’t a request, it was a fact, you were to go with her. In her own words, ‘if I didn’t exist you’d probably have no social life.’

To be fair, she wasn’t wrong.

You nodded defeatedly, walking with her down the hallway, “I assume you want to go because of the cute new guy?”

She glared, but didn’t refute your accusation, “His name is Mark”, she said, “And that is none of your business.”

You snickered, “Oh it so is, you like him don’t you? Is this going to be another one of your crushes?”

Lia was notorious for having a new crush almost every week, being a very flighty person, her mind changed before you could even say her name. This was a bit of a problem, considering you went to her for advice a lot.

Her indecisive nature was not the best for that.

She rolled her eyes at this, “He’s cute, why not? Wonder if I can get him to dance with me at the party. You’re going to be my hype woman-”

“And the sober buddy?”

Lia ignored that.

“Also there’s this new singer”, she said, handing you one of her earbuds, “apparently he came from here!”

Taking one of the earbuds, you were hit with a familiar voice. It sounded amazing honestly, catchy, everything a song needed, but it was the voice that hit you. You didn’t even need to ask Lia for the singer, swallowing the lump in your throat and glancing at her phone, which confirmed your suspicions.

Filling with some sort of dread, your hands immediately went to hold your hand, specifically the bottom where the cassette player and the tapes were. You had been carrying them around with you, as if scared they would disappear if you left them alone.

“Isn’t he good?”

You nodded, not daring to answer as you bit your lower lip, “Hey Lili, I need to use the washroom so see ya later”, you said, handing her the earbud and taking off in the other direction, pushing open the doors to the washroom and getting into one of the stalls.

You had stalled listening to the next tape all Sunday, you didn’t even know why, but hearing him sing, that fact that he had actually made it, it struck something in you. You wanted to feel proud of him, but all you felt was bitter.

Was it a coincidence that this new singer had come out- Chenle himself- right when you received the tapes?

Pushing the top of the toilet down, you took a seat, taking the player out and plugging in, you pressed play for the third tape, waiting for it to begin playing.

tape iii] ill miss our dates

Remember when we went for that field trip? Ninth grade? We sat in the back of the bus together avoiding the stares of our teachers when they told us to sit down?

Then they pulled us apart? Yeah, mean fuckers.

Anyways, that’s not what I wanted to talk about, I just felt like reminiscing for a sec there, but today we went of a date! Well, I mean we got ice cream and then went to the park, but hey, it was fun.

You smiled. He had always jumped from one topic to another without any meaning to either. Sometimes it was a frustrating habit, (you had been on the receiving end of these useless conversations several times, which ended with you glaring at him exasperatedly), but for the most part, extremely comical.

I’m going to miss that. I’m going to miss you. Your little smile — have I ever told you just how pretty your smile is? Your eyes light up and crinkle at the sides and its something I don’t think I’ll ever forget, even when I’m gone. 

You clutched the cassette player, marveling at the irony. He was talking about your smile, but why did you want to cry?

It’s a month left now, and I want to make the most of it. Tomorrow I’m taking you to the amusement part and then next week I’m surprising you with dinner. I guess doing things for you —for us — makes me feel better, like I’m compensating.

You deserve the world Y/n, and I want to see that world while you’re happy where you are.

You don’t deserve having to deal with me.

*click*

Your eyes burned, because you remembered each of those events. You had been so happy, so overjoyed at them. They burned with tears because there it was again, that reminder that you were destined to be stuck right where you were, because you were that idiot who was content.

But if someone, anyone, asked you at that very moment if you were happy, the answer would’ve been an outright no.

1 YEAR AGO

~

“Hey Chenle?”

“Hmm?”

“Why do you want to leave?”

The boy thought about this for a second, before smiling wistfully, “Don’t you want to know how it is outside home?”

“But everything I need is here.”

Your eyes held a question, you were genuinely baffled by his reasoning, the way he was so stuck of getting out. You studied your bewildered expression, shaking his head. “You’re lucky”, he said finally, “You know exactly what you want.”

“Of course I don’t, but I know what I need Chenle, and that’s all around me.”

He shook away his other thoughts, “Hey maybe we’ll go exploring the world together some day. 

You blinked, “You want me there with you?”

He nodded, grinning widely, “I want to take you along, Imagine, it’ll be fucking awesome, and hey this time there will be no teachers to separate us. We can even stand in the bus-if we’re taking a bus, that it.”

You laughed, “Maybe”, you mused, looking back down at your phone, “While I don’t exactly see the appeal, it would be fun to be with you.”

Chenle’s smile faltered, but he didn’t let it fall completely, wrapping his arms around you and sighing, closing his eyes and whispering something just loud enough for you to hear.

“Maybe.”

Why did it feel this way?

Chenle was right- you didn’t deserve this, you didn’t deserve to feel this way at all. It had been a year, so why did it affect you?

Why was it all happening at once?

You clicked your tongue, eyeing the player with contempt. You felt pathetic for being curious, for still feeling so attached to old news. It wasn’t as if it was going to change anything, so why?

Why did you still want to know?

Curiosity killed the cat. You wondered if knowing would somehow kill you.

No one was at home currently, so you sat in the living room on your couch. The items you were trying so hard to ignore were sitting on the small table in front of the couch, as if waiting for you to pick them up once again.

You wondered if you should tell Lia and ask her opinion about the situation. She may not be that helpful, but hell, she could help you burn the tapes if worse came to worse.

Sometimes you wished you had never met Chenle, that your history with him could be erased from your memories. You wished it never existed because fuck, it still hurt.

Taking a deep breath, you steeled yourself and pressed play.

tape iv] firsts with you

Do you remember our first kiss?

We were eighteen, in my room, playing Jenga. That was a year ago, oh god, I can’t even imagine, how has it been a year? You were wearing one of my shirts and jeans, your hair was in a ponytail. The two of us were sitting on the carpet on my floor.

You had successfully gotten one of the wooden pieces out of a risky area of the tower, but then it was my turn, it feel to the ground, destroyed.

I blamed you, and you laughed, and our banter continued. We argued and at one point I started tickling you to get you to shut up, because honestly-Jesus Christ Y/n you’re fucking stubborn.

Anyways I ended up on top of you and the two of us were laughing. You looked so pretty, hair messily scattered around your face as you attempted to get out of my hold. 

I leaned down and kissed you.

Your throat closed up as he spoke. Your eyes stung and you raked your hand through your hair, biting down on your lower lip. The way he was speaking about it, as if he would do anything to go back, it struck something in you.

Because if you had the chance, you would go back as well.

You tasted like that strawberry chapstick you liked to wear. I could tell you were surprised, because you didn’t kiss me back for a good two seconds  —which, by the way sent me into a panic for a moment there.

But then you kissed me, and fuck, it was like everything had stopped. I couldn’t think for a second, it was like the world had started spinning around me, and the only thing that was keeping me grounded, was you.

Was it supposed to hurt like this?

You sucked in a sharp breath, fingers fisted the material of your shirt as you tried keeping your composure. You didn’t want to cry, but he was making it so, so hard for you. 

You remembered how it felt when he kissed you, you were legitimately so confused, was he really kissing you? Your best friend, the boy you had loved quietly for so long, kissing you?

Chenle was your first kiss, and it was the most perfect first kiss you could have ever asked for, even if you were on the floor, with random Jenga blocks scattered around the two of you.

The smile you gave me after I pulled away, I wish I could remember it forever. It was goofy as you burst into giggles, and asked me, “What was that for?”

I blinked in surprise, wondering how you seemed so normal, when for me everything had changed. I had kissed my best friend, the one girl I care the most about.

I must have looked like a tomato oh god.

Instead of waiting for my to answer, you sat up, pulling me into another kiss. This time it was me who was unprepared. The kiss was messy, it had no structure or plan, but I realized in that moment, that I really liked kissing you, and I wanted to do it more often.

You became my girlfriend.

The wistful tone he was using was starting to affect you. You had loved Chenle, almost too much. You could almost feel that nostalgic happiness you felt that day when he kissed you for the first time, the disbelief and joy that wrapped around the two of you. 

A wave of sadness followed that nostalgia.

Our first date was so fucking awkward. We were at that little cafe you loved, you ordered a cheesecake and I got a smoothie, and then we sat in silence for a good five minutes.

It really shouldn’t have been that painful, considering we knew everything about each other already, then again that might be why it was awkward, I had nothing to ask you about.

So naturally I brought up school and that started it, the two of us complaining about the amount of assignments we had, and Mrs. Choi’s annoying squeaky voice- I swear to god that woman took a second for each word.

But I digress.

Slowly our conversation felt normal again, it was just us, eating cheesecake and drinking smoothies, together.

That wave of sadness crashed down upon you like a tsunami, trying to snuff you out. It felt like you couldn’t breathe, you were struggling to keep yourself together. You were struggling to stay afloat, you had lost any leverage you had that was holding you up.

You couldn’t fight the waves.

My flight is in two hours. It’s four in the morning and we’re about to walk through the door and get to the airport, but I wanted to talk to you once again, even if we’re not really talking.

I’m pathetic.

You’re sleeping, in your bed at your home, you don’t know I’m going because I’m the coward that refused to tell you the truth. I’ll be gone by the time you wake up and then you’ll know.

You’ll know how much of a waste of time I was.

And then you were angry.

You were angry because he had no right to just come back into your life like this, no fucking right to make you cry. He wasn’t even here, but somehow he had managed to make you fall apart just with his words, with his voice.

He had no right to tear your world apart, the little composure you had standing. You had finally accepted the fact that he was gone, you had moved on, and even tried to forget.

But here he was, making sure you could never forget.

You hated how selfish he was, how absolutely fucking oblivious. He had no clue, not even one as to how you felt when he just disappeared from your life, as if he never existed. He had broken you and here he was, breaking you again.

With trembling hands, you stopped the tape from playing any further, angry tears making their way down your face as you flung the player across the room. You had no intention of listening any further, you didn’t want to, you didn’t care.

Closure hurt more than him leaving.

You buried your head in your hands, letting yourself fall apart, but just this once.

tape iv] continued [unheard]

I’m sorry Y/n. I’m so fucking sorry. 

You don’t have to believe me, because I’m leaving anyways, so I suppose that cancels out my apologies huh? I’m the worst person you ever met. I’m not stopping, I’m not going to leave you a text.

Because I don’t want to hurt you anymore.

I’ll be gone before we could ever be.

Should’ve believed in us, while we existed, cuz now the whole things fucked, and just a figment of my imagination

~

Time heals all hurt, and reminders bring them back, cutting through your skin like a knife, making you bleed.

A week later, you found yourself sitting in your favorite cafe, the same cafe Chenle talked about in the last tape. You ordered a cheesecake and a smoothie, inserting the fifth and final tape into the player.

The last time you did this, you were left hurt and distraught, promising yourself you would never go back to listen to him again. You had put the shoebox in your closet, hiding it behind your clothes that hung from the rack.

Yet here you were.

You didn’t bother finishing the fourth tape, you didn’t see the need to. 

This tape, you observed, was newer looking, with less scratches on the plastic, even the marker on the side looked more recent, a little rushed if you went into detail. 

The cheesecake and drink arrived, and you took a bite, pressing play.

tape v] play

Hey.

He sounded a little different too, older perhaps. His voice was smoother, but he sounded unsure of himself. It sounded as if he was trying to figure out how to approach the topic. He was being cautious.

It’s been a while. I...I don’t know why I’m doing this. There’s no point- you’re not even here. I found these stupid tapes yesterday in my dorm when I was cleaning out and gave them a listen.

Silence.

I envy you, Y/n. I wish I was like you, happy wherever I was. But I’m not, and I probably caused you great unhappiness while trying to search for my own- but I was happy with you, so happy it was ridiculous.

I sabotaged that.

You sighed, realizing you felt nothing. You were tired of crying over Chenle, you were done doing that. Instead you felt empty, like you had been tired out, like it didn’t matter anymore. At this point you were to get it over with, to finish it off on  clean ending note.

My song comes out next week, and it’ll be done. I’ve made it Y/n, I’ve gotten to where I wanted to be, the place I had worked so hard to get to. I’ve sacrificed so much for this and it’s all been worth it- except one thing.

I don’t expect you to listen to my song, I just wanted to tell you. I..I hope you’re proud of me. Even if I was a jerk, I hope you can be proud, at least a little bit, because then I’ll have finally made it.

I miss you.

The same words are at the tip of your tongue, I miss you, I miss you so fucking much, but they never came out. They didn’t have to, it would be useless. He would never hear them.

Instead, you swallowed them back down.

And even though I made fun of you for staying home, I hope you’re happy like I am, I hope we’ll meet again one day. If we do I challenge you to a game of Jenga, loser buys the winner ice cream.

I-fuck this is the hardest part- but I hope you’ve moved on. One of us has to.

*click*

You don’t take the tape out of the player, you don’t touch it at all. You feel oddly calm as you take another bite of your cheesecake, savoring the strawberry reserve that it came with it. You could almost imagine yourself at eighteen again sitting opposite your new boyfriend.

You missed it, the memories that came along with it. That was it, you missed the feelings you had.

But you were okay. You would be okay right where you were, because that’s where you belonged. It hurt, yeah, but it had hurt back then as well. Now it was just a dull ache, all that was left was regret.

Regret that it didn’t work out, regret over unspoken words and unnecessary pain.

A familiar song filled the cafe as you smiled somewhat sadly, leaning back in your seat and closing your eyes.

“I’m proud of you Chenle”, you whispered, “Because you did what I couldn’t”

You left the cafe a little later, with the cassettes in your bag, an empty plate and the smoothie sitting on the table, untouched. After all, that smoothie wasn’t for you.

There was nothing to wait for anymore. You had loved and you had lost, Chenle was a stranger with your secrets and a familiar voice and that was it. 

You had forgiven him a long time ago, even without him being deserving of it. Now with all the loose ends being tied up, it felt like you could finally let go of him, you could finally move on.

And forget.

[amyscascadingtabs]

darling, you should know i’m a helicopter

a healthy dose of hurt/comfort with added baby snuggles, because i truly felt for amy in this episode. it's been a long time since i just wrote something quick but i hope you enjoy! 🥰

oh and if you want a picture this is the pajamas mac is wearing, okay cool

read on ao3

 Amy doesn’t mean for it to be a breakdown.

 She’s not surprised when Mac’s familiar piercing cries wake her up again a mere hour and a half after she’s fed him and put him to sleep for the night. As miraculous as Charles’ methods seemed, she still believes some babies are just fussy, and her son is one of them. It’s the only logical conclusion she’s come to after six, eight, ten, and twelve weeks all passed without any notable improvement in Mac’s ability to sleep longer stretches, and now he’s five months old and defying every single baby book and website that informs her he should be well settled into a sleeping schedule by now. He’s just fussy, or a high need baby, or whatever other term with needlessly negative connotations there is to make Amy feel like she's doing a bad job. It’s who he is and it’s what she’s used to, so she just scoots to the edge of the bed and picks him up from his travel cot in her still hurting arms before he can wake up the rest of the house.

On another night, she might have tried to walk around with him first, play some white noise or bounce on the yoga ball with him, but she’s tired and dejected and scared to wake up anyone else, so she goes for the easy option. The buttons of her pink striped pajama shirt are easily accessible for this exact purpose, and resting Mac’s head in the crook of her right arm, she gently guides him to her chest and exhales in relief as the crying comes to a stop. At least this, she can do, and the idiots who write advice pages about how you shouldn’t get your baby used to falling asleep at the breast have probably never even met a real baby.

 She leans back against the pillows when she’s sure Mac’s found a good latch and she can hear his content grunts and swallows. His hand has found a steady grip on her newly washed hair, probably getting drool in it again, but she can’t be bothered to try and unclench his little iron fist when he’s finally happy. Watching his perfect chubby cheeks as they hollow and fill, stroking the soft baby curls that are getting lighter and more like Jake’s every day, Amy’s overcome with another wave of that crazy all-consuming love that keeps surprising her, and then she’s the one who can’t stop her tears from falling.

 The only thing she ever wants is to keep him safe. In a world of pandemics and injustice, where the news gives her anxiety attacks more days than not and everything she thought she knew keeps changing, at least she can make sure Mac has his every need attended to. It’s been her life while staying home for the past five months, and she likes to think she’s handled it well all things considered, but after Charles’ nip tips and three-hour imprisonment of her child, Amy can’t help but feel like she’s done it all wrong.

 Her son is at his happiest when she can’t bother him. Once again, her high-strungness and failure to just be chill have proved her unfit for motherhood. She’s too anxious, too stressed, too overprotective, and the baby in her arms looking up at her with the warmest, roundest brown eyes she’s ever known is seriously unlucky and he doesn’t even know it.

 She doesn’t know where the negative thoughts are coming from, but sometimes breastfeeding has this effect on her – another sign, the self-hating voice in her head whispers – and it’s been an exhausting day, so she lets the tears come and hopes Jake is too deeply asleep to notice her mini-breakdown. Why is this so hard for her, and why can’t she just relax? How come Mac seems to be the only child she’s heard of whose sleeping habits at home have gotten worse and not better after his first few weeks at daycare, and how come even the most gentle of sleep training methods break her heart when Mac cries like he’s been abandoned?

 She’s wiping her tears with her free hand before wiping Mac’s cheeks with the muslin blanket when Jake begins to stir next to her, and even that makes her feel guilty, because he’s had a long day, too. He rubs his hand against her upper arm as if sensing that something’s off, yawning as he pushes himself up into a half-sitting position.

“Hey,” he mumbles in his softest sleepy voice, a worried crease appearing on his forehead. “Are you okay, Ames?”

“Yeah,” she tries, but her voice breaks, so she shakes her head. Mac is starting to pull away, so she unlatches him and sighs when she realizes that the shirt she’d packed clean already has milk stains on it. She rests him upright with his head on her shoulder instead, patting him on the back and trying to stop the tears that won't stop coming.

“Whatever it is, you can tell me. Is it Charles again? Because I really think he felt bad, but I’m happy to tell him off again if you want me to.”

“It's not Charles.” Amy sighs. “Well, it kind of is, but it's more that... I can't believe the best Mac has ever slept was when I wasn't even there. I try everything and nothing works, and Charles straight-up locks him in a room, and that makes him fall asleep? It feels like more proof I wasn't meant to do this,” she says, and she can see him immediately opening his mouth to protest. “Like even Charles is a more natural mom than I am.”

 Mac makes a hiccuping noise, spitting up a little bit of milk on the muslin blanket Amy put on her shoulder. Jake wipes it away before laying an arm around them, half-hugging them both.

“No offense, but that's the worst lie I’ve heard today, and that's including the stuff Terry said about me.” He strokes Mac’s back through the blue pajamas with little moons and clouds with faces as he begins to whimper again. “You're the best mom to him ever, Ames. You do everything for him. You literally kicked down a door to get to him today. Why do you think someone would be better?”

Amy sighs as she adjusts Mac in her arms, swaying him slightly and being surprised when it actually makes him go quiet. He has his eyes closed, fists up in front of his face, and just the thought that she could be doing something wrong by him makes her heart shatter.

“Because I try too hard,” she whispers, just loud enough for Jake to hear. “When he was locked in by Charles, I couldn't check on him, and it was the best nap he's ever had. All because I worry too much about him. Because I don't know what else to do. I want to keep him safe, but instead I’m somehow not doing enough and doing too much at once.”

She tickles that adorable baby chin with her index finger. Mac grips it, bringing it to his mouth with determination, and it makes both parents laugh. Why he likes this but rejects every single kind of pacifier Buy Buy Baby had to offer, she’ll never understand.

“He knows you love him,” Jake says, as if that was an obvious fact. He likes to claim he can read Mac’s mind about these things, a skill which Amy thinks would have been a lot more useful if it had also worked to figure out what it is their son needs during their worst nights of crying. It's what she needed to hear right now, though, and she leans her head on his shoulder as a silent thank you. “And just because he might be a little introverted sometimes doesn't mean he doesn't love you like crazy, too. I mean, that's what you tell me when I interrupt you when you're reading, right?”

She smiles. “I guess.”

“I know you worry,” he continues. “But just because Mac likes his peace and quiet sometimes doesn’t mean you’re doing a bad job. Maybe we could even let him start sleeping in his nursery at night, you know, just see what happens?”

Just the mention of not having her son within arm’s length at night makes Amy freeze and a million nightmare scenarios flash through her head, and Jake laughs a little as he feels her shoulders tense. “Okay, I can tell that was too big of a step and you’re freaking out, so maybe not. But one day?”

“We’ll talk about it later,” she decides, carefully trying to pull her finger out of her son’s mouth. “Thanks, babe. I just really want to go back to sleep.”

 Mac’s eyes are fluttering, a telltale sign that he’s starting to fight his sleep, stretching his legs and letting out the most adorable of baby-sighs. Jake runs his thumb over his son’s forehead and nose in an attempt to make him relax, and shakes his head as Mac only forces his eyes open again.

“He’s lucky he’s so cute, isn’t he?”

“He’s lucky we love him,” Amy mumbles, trying and failing to stifle a yawn.

“Yeah. I mean, who needs a full night’s sleep anyway, right?” Jake says, and Amy just stares at him with a blank expression.

“I know you’re joking, but I would almost leave him in Charles’ hands for a night again if it meant I got a four-hour stretch, and that’s saying something.”

“Yeah.” Jake grimaces. “I shouldn’t have said that. Now I’m kind of thinking about it too.”

 Thinking that maybe Mac will repeat his magical streak of at least managing to fall asleep on his own, Amy tries to put him down in the cot again, but she’s barely moved before he lets out another unhappy cry. She lifts him upright against her chest again, biting her lip and trying not to feel defeated as she starts the hushing and rocking all over again.

“Hey, I can take him,” Jake says, reaching for him. “You need to sleep so you can stop crazy-spiraling, and I’ve barely held him all day. I’ll walk around with him outside for a while, that might do it.”

 It’s not the typical declarations of love they used to share, but as he puts the muslin blanket on his shoulder before taking Mac and getting out of bed with him, Amy’s confident that she’s never loved her husband more. This, right here, watching him with sleep-tousled curls in just his t-shirt and pajama pants as he adjusts his son and bounces him slightly in his arms while the crying turns into a more gentle fussing, is far hotter than any sex dream about Sanjay Gupta could ever be.

[hizashis-lil-bunbun]

BNHA Valentine’s Day Headcanons!

Happy first day of February! Some of my Discord friends and I were brainstorming how different My Hero characters would celebrate Valentine’s Day. So let’s give ‘em a whirl! All characters are adults or aged up to be 18+ in these scenarios.

Big thanks to @varnienne, @emmappelle, @sweet-darling91, @donica95​, and @katsontherun for letting me bounce ideas off of them. 💖

⚠️MOSTLY FLUFF BUT THERE IS SOME NSFW AHEAD!⚠️

Hizashi Yamada (Present Mic)

SFW

Gotta start with my blonde bby. And the best way I can describe his ideal Valentine’s is BIG and LOUD!

He’s never been one shy away from telling you how he feels, but he’s especially talkative on V-Day. Going on and on about how lucky he is, how much he loves you, etc.

It’s love songs all day, baby! From blasting modern pop songs while he makes breakfast to sweet, old-fashioned tunes that he makes you slow dance with him to in the living room. He’s a true romantic (and a surprisingly good dancer to boot).

And he might even (re: definitely will) serenade you. The man is a musician after all! In fact, don’t be surprised if Hizashi wrote a song just for you.

As far as gifts go, Hizashi goes all out. He’s a hero and a celebrity, with the salaries to match. So you can expect a few big ticket items. Plus, he’s a good listener. If you ever mentioned something you needed/wanted/expressed interest in, chances are it will arrive wrapped up in red and pink paper on the day.

“Hey little listener! Remember how ya said you might wanna try painting? No? Well I turned the spare room into a studio for ya anyways! Maybe you can make me something to hang up at the station, yeah?”

But just because his gifts are expensive and flashy, that doesn’t mean he devalues your own. Hizashi will blubber and gush over anything you give him, from lavish luxuries to a something as simple as a homemade card. Loudly I might add. Make sure to have earplugs handy.

Unfortunately, one of the drawbacks of having a radio star as your partner is that he’ll most likely have to work on Valentine’s Day. It’s even worse if he had teach that day as well. So don’t count on any fancy dinners until after the 14th.

But if you tune into his station on the day (and you will), there will be at least three or four songs dedicated to “his favorite little listener.”

NSFW

Even if he can’t be with you on the actual night, he’s definitely going to make up for lost time. Mood music, candlelight, the whole nine yards. He wants to romance you. To make you feel as good as you make him feel everyday.

Oral and overstimulation are the name of the game, and Hizashi is a giver through and through. He’s happy as a clam once he’s got his face buried between your legs, making you cum for the umpteenth time that night. Seriously, does he ever come up for air?

Praise is also a big thing for him. It flows from his mouth like the sweetest wine. And with his quirk, every whispered word and groan against your body feels just as intoxicating. Good vibrations indeed.

He also loves it when you’re vocal. No love song can compete with the way you cry and moan under his touch. He’ll make you sing for him all night long and into the morning hours.

“Damn, baby. I love you so damn much. Love the way you look cumming on my tongue. Think you can do it again?”

Eijiro Kirishima

SFW

Okay. This boy adores Valentine’s Day! Like it’s his favorite holiday.

And how can he not? Everything in the stores is red! He can stock up on red merchandise for the rest of the year in the span of a week. And believe me, he does.

This means his partner should expect a lot of the cliché gifts on the big day: teddy bears, heart-shaped boxes, and red roses to name a few. Oh, and he’s definitely got a stockpile of cheesy, punny Valentine cards centered around his and his friend’s hero personas.

His favorite is the one that says “I think you’re a Red Riot! Be my Valentine?” But maybe that’s partially because it came from you.

Kirishima doesn’t just shower you with crimson trinkets; he buys treats for everyone! Especially his closest friends. To him, Valentine’s is all about showing the people he loves most just how much he cares. And it’s honestly adorable to see him practically bouncing off the walls in excitement when he finds a little red treasure for this year’s celebration.

“Babe! Look at that red shark plushie. It looks just like me! So manly!”

*proceeds to buy seven of them: one for him, one for you, and one for everyone in the Bakusquad + Tetsutetsu*

But at the end of the day, once all the chocolates and stuffed animals have been given away, he’ll make sure you know there’s no one he loves more than you. He spends the final hours alone with you, eating a home cooked meal and cuddling on the couch. Times like these are his favorite, just being to hold you close and appreciate your presence in his life.

Fair warning though. You’ll probably end up watching some some cheesy romcom, cuz he loves those too.

NSFW

Of course, the red theme continues in the bedroom: red rose petals, red sheets, even a set of red lingerie he bought just for the occasion. Which he proceeds to rip apart minutes after you’ve gotten them on. Hope they weren’t too expensive.

Kirishima tries to be gentle with you, he really does. Savoring your pleasure and letting your orgasms crest and fall naturally. He wants to see you cooing and boneless by the end of the night.

But sometimes he underestimates his own strength and gets a little rougher than expected. Maybe he gives too sharp of a love bite, or squeezes your hips a little too hard. But it’s all done out of passionate love, so you don’t mind too much.

You might actually prefer it if he gets a little rougher.

However, if you wanna get kinky, there is one thing Kiri’s always down for: pulling you over his knee for a good, old-fashioned spanking. His quirk is perfect for it, hardening the palm of his hand just before it smacks down on the soft flesh. It’s like he has a set of built-in paddles. Trust me, if you let him get into a good rhythm, by the end of the night your ass will match the Valentine’s decor perfectly.

“Not pushing you too hard am I, beautiful? I know I can be unbreakable sometimes, but I never want to break you. I love you too much to do that.”

Mirio Togata

SFW

TBH, before he met you, Mirio was a bit of a player (which is kinda canon). Like “has a different date every year” player.

And can you blame him? He’s a total heartbreaker with that (le)million dollar smile and those baby blue eyes. He got so much Valentine’s chocolate from girls in high school, it was sickening! But with you, things are different.

For starters, he’s not so big on material gifts. Giving or receiving.

“How could I want anything more when I’ve got my sunshine right here?”

No, this sweet himbo is all about making memories with his partner! Sharing experiences and spending as much quality time together as possible.

So he plans everything days, sometimes weeks, in advance. Budgeting his time and money to squeeze as much love into a single day as humanly possible.

The moment you wake up on February 14th, he hits the ground running. Quite literally! He’s practically doing laps around your bedroom in his excitement to get the day started.

Valentine’s Day with Mirio turns out to be a marathon of couple activities. Bike riding to a local café for breakfast. Sight-seeing in Tokyo followed by ice cream in the afternoon. He even manages to sniff out a carnival for you to go to in the evening, letting you run amok on the rides and games. And yes, he definitely spends too much money trying to win you one of those giant stuffed animals.

By the end of the day, you’re thoroughly spent and just want to snuggle up next to him. And maybe have a late night snack of chocolate. Mirio is more than happy to indulge you, even offering to carry you home. Anything to be close to his precious sunshine.

NSFW

Despite your sleepiness and aching feet, Mirio insists he has one last surprise to give you. So he asks you to lay face-down on the bed and wait for him. Naked of course.

Once he finds what he’s looking for, he straddles your tailbone with his thighs and squirts something slippery onto your back. You yelp at the cold sensation and that earns a laugh from Mirio. He tells you it’s massage oil. One specifically designed to relieve muscle tension.

It’s like he knew you’d be sore after his day of non-stop adventuring. Almost like he planned it... What a smooth criminal.

It makes sense though. Maybe it’s because his quirk requires him to pass through things, but physical touch is his primary love language. Nothing grounds him quite like having you in his arms, worshiping every inch of your body.

He works you over, kneading at the muscles in your back, hips, and legs with steady pressure and prescision. He even rubs your feet, making the earlier pains melt away into bliss.

You’re almost too sleepy and relaxed to realize one of his hands is creeping up your body until it’s too late. Next thing you know, he’s curling his fingers into you, amplifying the pleasure of the massage in a new way. Like I said, Mirio’s a smooth criminal when he wants to be.

“Feeling good, sunshine? Yeah, I’ll bet you are. You always look so cute like this... just makes me want to kiss you all over. Maybe I will! But I think you’re still a little tense right... here.”