#I hope the memory stuff does come up again because honestly that changes you as a person

[backtothefanfiction]

Hiii! i love your writing 😘 if your ok with writing this could i request some fluffy dad!felix catton if you have any in store?! again, totally understand if your uncomfortable writing this or just don’t want to 😊😊

It’s taken me a while to get to this because I’ve been struggling to find my way in when it comes to Felix as a Dad. I’m not sure if I do have a Dad!Felix fluff in me but I do have some thoughts/head canons on Felix as a Dad as a whole I’m slowly developing. So here are those…

Felix is all in in the newborn stage. It’s a novelty for him. The easy stage before they find their voices and start screaming the place down. When all you have to do is hold them, feed them, change them. He’s so there for that.

He’s happy to get up in the middle of the night, looking out the windows at the grounds with a baby in his arms, telling stories and recounting memories of his youth and that time running around the grounds with Farleigh and Venetia.

He loves see you with HIS child. He’s very protective. While you lie in his bed with tea and toast, feeding your child he shoos everyone else from the room, not wanting to share that sight or special time with anyone else in the family. Venetia is the only one who occasionally slips through the cracks. (She is a great aunt to your child by the way)

When the baby starts to grow older though he begins to struggle. You are a very hands on parent in comparison to him and he’s happy for you to be. After all his mother was very hands on with him and Venetia, however as a child he never saw his Dad there as much as his Mum and so has adopted a similar way of thinking that of his father and grandfather that fussing kids is a Mother problem.

Don’t get me wrong, he still loves showing up to be the fun dad. Running across the lawns with them. Enabling their hobbies and paying for anything they want. But when it comes to the hard stuff you feel completely abandoned.

As time goes on you realise you aren’t on the same wave length about parenting at all. And a lot of that has to do with Felix’s upbringing and family.

Elspeth is always there to step in and make a fuss, forcing herself on her grandchildren like she makes everything better, but often (especially if a child is already in a tantrum state it can sometimes make it worse until she just hands the child back and leaves you with a screaming child.

When Felix’s mates come knocking, asking him to go on golfing or skiing holidays with them it’s always “you’ve got this, haven’t you babe? Great. I love you. See you in a week.”

And because that’s how Felix was raised, what he observed from his family over the years, he honestly knows no better.

“If you’re struggling we can just get a Nanny.” He says when you confront him. It always has you seeing red. “I don’t want a Nanny Felix. I want US to raise our kids.”

You realise the only way things will change is if you all get out of that house and away from his family. So you give him the ultimatum: “it’s either us or your family.”

Of course it’s that honour in him, that unspoken traditional allegiance to your wife and kids that has him reluctantly agreeing, hoping in a few months you’ll see sense and see how difficult it is without all the servants and his daddy’s money. But you thrive, despite the way Felix shuffles his feet and does the bare minimum in protest.

After another argument where you tell him to show up or fuck off back to his family he finally takes you seriously and the more time he spends with you and your family and more modest hands on parenting and living styles he begins to thrive, seeing that the grass can be greener on the other side.

The more time away from his family he sees how toxic his families dynamic is. When you visit he sticks up for his kids and is protective of them when his parents begin to push their values and views on his kids.

You stand by him as he begins to put in boundaries and really analyse his life, his youth, his privilege and how it has in fact hindered him in life in so many basic ways. You support him and feel pride when he helps enforce those boundaries around his parents, his family as he ultimately gives them the same ultimatum you gave him all those years ago.

Although his father is reluctant, Elspeth is desperate to know her grandchildren and apologised to you both and promises to respect your parenting choices and swears to try and uphold those values in front of your children as much as she can.

With the new boundaries in place, summers in Saltburn become regular things for your kids. All of you playing together on the grounds. Chasing each other through the maze. Swimming in the pool and the lake.You and Felix set up scavenger hunts for your kids. And they ultimately grow up with the best of both worlds.

So yeah. Those are my more realistic Dad Felix thoughts. Tell me what you think….

[riversofmars]

So I've finally finished listening to Echoes (yes I had this boxset preordered since it was announced, and yes I was incredibly slow to listen to it) and how do Liv/Helen shippers keep winning even when we've already lost (coz Liv returning to Tania at the end of Stranded)??

From episode 2: "Helen - she's my...she's everything I have left"???? I screamed??

Episode 3 where Helen went and got Liv's stuff from the TARDIS but also got her a book in case she can't sleep and a bottle of water and an apple???

Every boxset since Stranded has had Liv be ferally gay over Helen (and has obviously confirmed our favourite lesbian is in fact a lesbian ofc)

And I'm so confused by what Big Finish is doing playing with our hearts like this - but I will also gleefully, and gayfully accept whatever Liv/Helen we can get. Thoughts?

Honestly, I have no idea what Big Finish are thinking other than

Who knows, maybe they have realised that Liv/Helen sells??? And that they made a mistake with the Stranded ending??

But seriously... I hope there is a point to it all. It really does feel like they're doing it on purpose, it's SO SHIPPY! Albie's Angels was just... HELEN CHENKA?! Come on. And you're so right. How easy would it have been to have Liv say "Helen is my best friend!". Having her break off mid-sentence is a conscious choice and you can't tell me otherwise. And that scene where Helen brings Liv all that stuff and then offers to go back? ADORABLE. They're everything.

Now the way I see it... For the ending of Stranded to make sense, it can only be one of two things really. Either Liv and Helen get together and Helen dies... and Liv returns to Tania cause she can't face being with the Doctor without Helen and she tries to bury her grief that way. It would be horrible and unfair, but it would make at least a little bit of sense, because why else would Liv Chenka, brilliant med-tech from the 30th century, want to be in 21st century London where she will be bored out of her mind and never see her sister again?? It just doesn't make sense for her character unless something fundamentally changed her like the death of the woman she loved. BUT LET'S NOT THINK LIKE THAT OR I'LL CRY.

The other option, and I'll hold on to this, is that maybe they all get a happy ending and there are two Livs somehow. We already know from the end of The Robots that there is a Liv duplicate out there. While that duplicate would only have the memories of up to Escape From Kaldor, that doesn't mean that something like that couldn't happen again. This is Doctor Who after all! Think of Rose getting her personal Doctor. Maybe they send a duplicate back to Tania so she gets to be happy too (and the Stranded ending that BF may have realised was silly will still work) and Liv and Helen stay together.

Honestly, who knows! But I will also hang on every scrap BF throw us. The Liv/Helen ship is sailing strong as ever and I think BF may have noticed and decided to cater to it.

I imagine it will be a while for another set for them (though I am curious as to Hattie's role in the Time War one, that will be interesting!) and I don't know if we will ever get a resolution for them, but in the meantime, I say let's be vocal about the ship on socials, hoping BF continue to take notice and give us everything we want. It seems to be working at the moment :D

[sunshineshobi18]

You Don't Look At Me (part 2)

words: 4.8k pairing: Joel x female!OC, Tommy & Maria are also in there cw: strong languge (but honestly when does that not happen), angst ^^, vague mentions of the events in episode 9 summary: When they finally get back to Jackson, Maria is quickly able to sense the tension between Joel and Lori. Joel tries to defend himself and how he feels about Lori, but things quickly go south when Lori tells him how she actually feels.

note: it feels like an eternity since I put out the last update, but here we go with the next part. Thank you so much for your patience

(prologue) (part 1)

---

The events of the past day felt like a blur to Joel. Or maybe he did remember many things very clearly. The pain, the anger, the surprise and doubt, he remembered all these aspects so vividly. It was only Lori’s presence that felt like clouds in his mind and he felt horrible because of it. “I’m sorry,” he whispered softly as he looked at the rear view mirror to find Ellie still unconscious on the back seat.

-

Earlier that day he remembered how silent Ellie had been. She often didn’t even hear him talk, but even if she did her answers were short. He had scavenged a few things through the rubble and broken cars and containers that he presented Ellie with a smile. The only reason Lori was so vivid in that memory was because he had come across something for her. Something that had piqued Ellie’s interests.

“Here,” Joel said as he handed Lori the book. Lori accepted it with a weak grip, almost dropping the book. Ellie, who had been sitting in front of Lori, looked at the girl with curious eyes.

“What’s that?” she asked and Joel couldn’t help but sigh in relief when he saw how Ellie had become a bit more lifely. He was worried she had completely changed with everything she had been through, but that same childlike curiosity was still there. Joel had hoped she’d return to her normal self.

Lori shrugged lightly, holding the book up a bit better so Ellie could see the cover. “Sudokus,” Lori told her.

“Why’d you give them to her?” Ellie turned to Joel as she asked him this.

“Used to like them,” Joel said with a nonchalant tone, “Lori, I mean. If we found them during runs, we’d give them to Lori. Kept her busy.”

Ellie chuckled softly at this, finding it an amusing thought, but Joel hadn’t thought it was that funny. “That’s cool. I didn’t know you liked stuff like that,” Ellie told Lori with a brighter smile on her face. It was a smile that broke Lori’s stoic expression and she cracked the slightest of smiles back at Ellie. “I was never able to figure out how they worked. Maybe you could teach me one day.”

Lori’s response came in the form of one slight but firm nod. “Sure.”

-

Joel pushed his head back further in the backseat as he sighed. His eyes were back on the road. “I’m sorry,” he repeated, but there was no answer.

Deciding to stop being so petty and finally start acting like the adult he should be, Joel turned his head to the right. He made a quick mental note of the girl in the passenger's seat before focusing on the view in front of him. “I’m sorry for what happened inside the hospital. I never would’ve pointed that gun at you if—” Lori shifted in her seat, her head now facing the window on her right and Joel sighed. “I fucked up, but I’ll make it up to you.”

Silence filled the car once again and this time Joel decided to stay quiet. He didn’t know what to say, afraid that he’d say something wrong. However, Joel was sure he already did. He had pushed Lori’s boundaries over their limits miles earlier in their journey. Though not able to exactly pinpoint when and where that happened, Joel knew that the damage he had done to Lori and his relationship with her was irreversible.

-

By the time Joel and the two girls had reached Wyoming, Joel had explained—lied about—what happened in the hospital, they had stopped to find Ellie some clothes and Lori had not spoken a word.

The older man was aware he wasn’t the best at communicating, but during that hike he realised how bad he was at choosing his time and place to talk about certain things. He hadn’t meant to start talking about Sarah. He hadn’t meant to start comparing Ellie with Sarah, but he was just so overjoyed with the fact that Ellie was there with him. Safe and by his side. It was just that when he turned around to seek confirmation from Ellie, that his eyes darted past the girl and landed on Lori. Her head was turned down, her eyes focused on her feet and if Joel’s eyes were better he’d be able to confirm whether the shine on her cheeks and the drop hanging from her nose were tears or sweat. He hoped it was the latter, but he knew it was the former.

Joel stumbled a bit as he lost his footing, his attention completely on Lori. Ellie gasped at the sudden erratic movement when she almost walked into Joel. Joel caught her by the shoulders before leaning in closer. “Ellie, you go on and walk ahead. I’ll be right behind you.” Ellie was about to question him, but when she looked up she noticed he was looking at something behind her. She followed his gaze and saw Lori saunter behind them, her stare mostly fixed into the floor. Ellie nodded and with a pat on her shoulder, Joel sent her to walk in front of them.

“Hey, kid.” Joel’s tone was cautious as he approached Lori. She didn’t look up at him. “I uhm… I want to say I’m sorry.” Lori didn’t answer. “Again,” he added with a sigh. “I know I’ve been unfair towards you, but I promise I’m not doing this on purpose. I—”

“Let’s just get to Jackson.”

Joel’s breath hitched at the girl’s cold and short words. “We will, but I just want to apologise first and—”

Lori looked up at Joel. It was the first time in a while that they had made direct eye contact and it was jarring to say the least. Lori’s eyes were red, the skin around them wet and irritated. “Once we get to Jackson, I’ll stay out of your business.”

“Lori, that’s not what I want,” Joel said. He sounded lost and the guilt must’ve been so audible in how he spoke.

“Let’s just continue.” 

And that’s what they did.

-

By night time the three had arrived back in Jackson. Maria and Tommy had invited them in for dinner. The public dining hall was done serving food for the night and Maria didn’t want to send Joel and the two girls to bed starving.

They all wish she had.

Dinner was awkward to say the least. Maria and Tommy had asked the group how their journey had been and so they told what happened, although with many holes in their story. It was also fairly clear to the couple that something was wrong with Lori. She hadn’t really said anything, but hummed and offered short answers in response to whatever had been asked.

“Hey!” Tommy chuckled awkwardly after silence filled his kitchen. “At least you’ve seemed to have grown closer.”

Joel pressed his eyes closed and with a sigh he rested his head in one of his hands. Ellie cringed, grimacing as soon as those words left Tommy’s mouth and Lori dropped her fork—she was only really using it to pick at her food.

Maria was quick to pick up on everything. The plot holes quickly being filled by the context she’d been given in front of her. She made eye contact with Ellie, who seemed to understand what she was conveying and shared a quick nod with her. “Hey Ellie, maybe you should head back already. I had Tommy drop off some stuff and heat the house while I was finishing dinner.” Ellie didn’t need to be asked twice as she ran out the house to the house across.

Maria waited till the echo of the front door being slammed shut stopped ringing through the room before speaking up again. “So let’s talk this out. Hmm?”

Joel looked up with wide eyes, as if he had been caught doing something he shouldn’t have. Lori remained looking at her plate of barely touched food. “I don’t know—”

“Oh, come on Joel. I might not know what’s going on, but I’m not blind or stupid.” Maria turned to Lori. “She hasn’t said anything the whole night and you haven’t even looked at her. I’d be upset too if the man I’d known for years doesn’t ask me if I’m okay while laughing and talking with the girl he’s known for barely a year. It’s like you don’t care.”

Maria’s words seemed to spark something in Lori as she looked up at her with big, shining eyes. Lori chuckled softly before she spoke, “wow, I guess it’s not only me who noticed.” The young girl faked a smile, but her face clearly showed how hurt she felt. Maria looked at Lori with a soft yet sad smile.

“I do care!” Joel shouted as he slammed his fist down on the table.

“Really felt like it when you pointed that gun at me.” The young girl’s voice was laced with sarcasm. Joel had barely the time to respond when Tommy and Maria looked at him in horror.

“You did what?” Tommy yelled.

Joel shook his head rapidly and made an attempt to explain the situation. “I was trying to get to Ellie and Lori just ended up being there.”

“There you go, bringing up Ellie again.” Lori rolled her eyes before she looked at Joel. “Joel, I told you… You don’t have to act like you care about me. It’s clear that you don’t.”

“But I do,” Joel insisted as he walked to the other side of the table and sat in the chair next to her. He turned her chair facing it towards him and grabbed her by her forearms. “I really fucking do.”

“Then you should’ve shown me,” Lori whispered. “And I don’t mean by giving me a book with already filled-in sudokus because you faintly remember Tess looking out for those for me.”

Joel sighed once again and lowered his head. “Tell me how to show you and I will. I’ll do everything—”

“It’s too late,” Lori said. Her walls were breaking as she could only show Joel a watery smile before trying to escape his grasp. “All you had to do was look at me. You had to think of me. You had to not be so willing to think I was dead when we were in situations that rationally would’ve had me dead.” Joel hesitantly let go of Lori’s left arm as she used her already freed right hand to pry his fingers away from her. “All you had to do was a fraction of what you’re doing for Ellie and I would be fine.” Tears filled Lori’s eyes as she stood up. She looked at Joel and he looked at her. It was the first time he had looked at her with genuine emotion, although it was more likely he felt guilt than actual care for her.

“When you and Tess found me back then… I thought I had a second chance for a family and for a while I really felt like I had. When Tess died, I thought I’d still have you, but I realised that Tess was the only family I had left,” Lori explained with her voice trembling. “A father—” Lori’s breath hitched and she placed a hand on her chest as if she was in pain. “And I know I’m not your daughter, but a father is allowed to fuck up. He’s allowed to make mistakes if only at the end of the day he takes responsibility, he shows he cares and he makes an effort. And I’ve been really fucking patient with you to start making an effort, but it’s too late now.”

Joel’s vision started to blur as he heard the pain laced in every word that left Lori’s mouth. “I know I don’t deserve it, but give me one last chance.”

Lori shook her head from side to side, denying his plea. “It’s okay if you don’t care. Just, please let yourself come to terms with it. Stop making yourself believe that you care because you feel obligated to care. I rather—” Lori cut her words short as she felt a sob rising in her throat. She turned to Maria and without any words exchanged, the older woman placed a hand on the small of Lori’s back and ushered her upstairs, inviting her to stay at her house.

Joel and Tommy watched the two figures retreat before looking at each other. It was clear in Tommy’s disapproving look, that the younger of the two brothers had a lot to say. Joel braced himself for the scolding he deserved, but it never came.

“Aren’t you going to yell at me?”

Tommy scoffed, turning towards the stove in the kitchen. He grabbed a kettle, filled it with water and prepared two mugs. “Is that what you want?”

“Of course it isn’t,” Joel groaned in an almost annoyed tone and joined Tommy’s side. “Of course I don’t want you to yell at me, but I can see there’s so much you want to say.”

Tommy turned stiffly to face his older brother and asked, “you know who else had a lot to say?” He answered his own question by looking towards the stairs where Lori had appeared earlier. “Lori is a smart girl. She knows what the problem is. She knows how you can fix it and she can guide you every step of the way, but she doesn’t. You know why?” Joel shook his head ‘no’. “Because it would hurt. It would hurt both of you and she’d do anything, but hurt you.”

“How’d you know?” Joel asked weary.

“Because I look at her! I listen to her! And I can fucking see how much she cares about you. How much she needs you—”

“She doesn’t need me!” Joel yelled back at his brother. The older of the two was heaving as he was reminded of a painful memory of a loved one he lost. “Tess, told me so. Lori and Tess never needed me.”

“Maybe! Maybe in the past she didn’t, but now she does. Everyone needs someone and all she has is you! Poor girl needed someone and her only option was this fucking asshole!” Tommy yelled as he shoved his brother back a little. “This fucking jerk, while there are so many people out there that would’ve loved to take care of her.”

Joel scowled, hiding his guilt behind an unstable wall of his anger. “Then you fucking take her—”

“Oh wouldn’t that be easy,” Tommy chuckled. “Break her, put her through all your bullshit and then drop her onto someone else.”

“What do you want me to do?” Joel’s bassy voice echoed through the whole house. Tommy shook his head in disbelief and turned to fill the two mugs with tea. “What do you want me to fucking do?” Joel repeated more aggressively.

“Get out,” Tommy ordered lowly before turning to Joel. “Leave this house and leave Lori alone. Go be a father for Ellie, because that’s what you want so badly. And never bat a fucking eye at Lori again. I swear to God—”

“Guys!” Maria stood at the bottom of the stairs, a disapproving look on her face. “We can hear you from upstairs,” Maria sighed as she joined the two men in the kitchen with an annoyed frown on her face.

“I’m sorry,” Joel apologised coldly, pressing his lips shut to contain all the things he wanted to yell at his brother.

Maria took her place next to Tommy and wrapped her arms around his bicep. “Tommy’s right, Joel. I think it’s best for you to stay away from Lori—”

“What? Don’t you realise I’m trying to set things right.”

Maria and Tommy shared defeated gazes. “Let’s just say you tried enough and it’s not working.” Though Maria’s gaze was soft, her tone was firm and final. “You should leave now. It’s late.”

Ignoring the man’s lost expression, Maria grabbed one of the now tea-filled mugs on the kitchen counter while Tommy grabbed the other one to bring it up to Lori. Tommy turned off the small light above the kitchen counter before he followed Maria up the stairs, leaving Joel in the now dark room downstairs.

-

It had been a week since that night. The night Joel, Ellie and Lori arrived in Jackson. Most of the week Joel and Lori wouldn’t see each other, outside of the occasional glances when they saw each other in the dining hall or somewhere outside.

That whole week Maria and Tommy had been taking care of Lori, although she was perfectly capable of taking care of herself. They just provided her with some meals, a warm place to sleep and running water. In exchange Lori would help clean around the house and cook dinner when Maria was tired and Tommy was out on patrol. Still, she didn’t talk much to the adults, clearly not as attached to them as she was to Joel at some point.

“Just one lunch okay?” Maria asked, leading Lori down the dining hall. The young girl looked at her with a look that was anything but willing to go through with Maria’s plan. “I promise you that if you don’t like it, you can just leave. I’ll be at the bar in case anything happens.”

With a groan, Lori gave in. She settled down at an empty table and grabbed a book of sudokus to keep her busy as she waited. Maria left her with a thumbs up and a bright smile, heading towards the bar a few metres away from her.

“You like those?” Lori looked up to find a man—probably in his forties or fifties—pointing at her book. He had a kind face, although he looked tired. His glasses enlarged his green-grey eyes making him look anything but threatening. Lori nodded wordlessly in response. “I— I’m Robert. Maria told you about me, right?” Lori nodded again. “Can I sit down?” She nodded.

At first the tension between the two was palpable. They sat in awkward silence, with Lori buried into her book of number puzzles and Robert examining her carefully. Each time Lori made a movement Robert’s eyes darted away for a moment, in case she would notice him staring.

A minute later, Robert couldn’t take the silence anymore. The growing noise that filled the dining hall made him anxious, as if it was urging him to make conversation with the girl. “I—” He started, gaining Lori’s attention, however, he didn’t know what to say. “Are you hungry?” Lori looked around, noticing that the people at tables around her were already eating. She nodded with a shrug. “Stay here, I’ll get you food.” Before Lori could answer, Robert stood up to get the both of them food.

Lori’s eyes followed the man and landed on Maria. The older woman gave her a look which told her that she was a bit disappointed in the lack of Lori’s input in the conversation. Lori pressed her lips together and sighed before nodding at Maria. “I’ll try,” she mouthed at Maria which Maria responded to with a thank you.

Robert returned with two plates full of food. Lori couldn’t help but notice that the plate he put in front of her had more food on it. She didn’t question it however and just thanked Robert in a quiet whisper. Robert gasped with wide eyes causing Lori to look at him in surprise. Quickly his face turned red before he shook his head dismissively. “It’s just that this is the first time you spoke to me. I’m sorry, I hope that didn’t make you uncomfortable.”

“It’s okay,” Lori quickly told him and Robert’s anxious front quickly melted. He smiled at her softly and it was something in his eyes that made it so that Lori couldn’t look away. She felt comforted just by the way he looked at her with so much care. Suddenly the warm feeling became so overwhelming, Lori quickly looked down at her food.

Lunch continued in silence for a while with Robert finishing his food first. He waited until Lori was on her last few bites when he placed his hand on the book Lori had carried with her. “You’re pretty good at these,” he told her as he picked up the book and looked at the cover. “Easy seems too easy for you. I have some advanced puzzles at home that you can have.”

Lori looked at him with big eyes causing Robert to chuckle. “You seem interested,” he laughed and Lori couldn’t help but chuckle as well.

“Do you also like them?” Lori asked softly.

“Sure. I was a maths professor before all this, but it was really my son who loved puzzles like these.” Robert’s smile faded once he clocked Lori’s expression. “Oh yeah, I had a son about your age. I didn’t mean to bring it up and make you uncomfortable—”

“It’s fine!” Lori suddenly yelled, causing Robert to jump a bit in his seat. “I mean… I’m sorry for your loss. I just didn’t know that— I hope you don’t feel obligated because of Maria—”

“Hey,” Robert said to interrupt Lori who had started talking more quickly. “Don’t worry about it. Maria told me she was looking for a family that could take you in. My wife and I have two free rooms, we know how to handle kids, although Kevin really was a handful sometimes,” he chuckled at that. “We’re just trying to see if you feel comfortable around me and if not that’s fine.”

“You don’t think I’m trying to replace him? Your son,” Lori asked with her brows furrowing in something akin to shame.

Robert quickly denied her claim, confusion filling his tone as he responded with, “why would you think that? My wife and I love Kevin, he can never be replaced, but that doesn’t mean we can’t take care of another kid. I mean, you can basically take care of yourself. All we want to do is offer you a place you feel comfortable.”

Lori’s cheeks had reddened completely at that point. The two of them were only supposed to get to know each other and see how things went, but Lori felt like she had accelerated the conversation to a point beyond where they should’ve been. Maria and Tommy would have a baby at some point and with Lori taking up the only free room in the house, there wouldn’t be enough space for all four of them. Besides, Lori didn’t feel like she really belonged with Maria and Tommy. The children's home—for kids who had arrived in Jackson alone or just didn’t have any adult relatives—wasn’t a great fit either. Lori didn’t get along with many of the kids her age because she had a “reputation”. She didn’t know what the kids said about her, but it was clear in the way they eyed her that it wasn’t pleasant.

Talking about moving into Robert’s house so early in their relationship wasn’t ideal, but Lori couldn’t help it. She didn’t realise she craved parental care as much as she did. She had always thought it was only Joel she wanted, but she realised that anyone would do as long as they cared. Robert seemed to care. And maybe it was because Lori reminded him of his deceased son Kevin, but she didn’t care. She felt connected to Robert and her inner child just wanted to cling on to the hope that she found someone who cared about her.

“Lori?” Lori’s eyes snapped up when she realised Robert had been calling for her for a while. “Maria is signalling you’re about to leave. Let’s talk again tomorrow, hmm? I’ll see if Julia can come along. I’m sure she’d love you and I hope you’ll like her as well. I’ll also bring some sudokus if you want?” Lori felt overwhelmed, still, but she nodded. “Hey.” Robert’s tone was softer now. “Don’t think about moving or anything like that yet. I don’t want you to feel pressured. We’re just getting to know each other and if at any moment you don’t like it—”

“I like it,” Lori squeed and Robert couldn’t hide the fatherly smile on his face. “I mean that I like this so far. It feels…” Robert nodded knowing exactly what Lori wanted to say and it surprised her. She had always had to explain herself to Joel, especially in the later years, but Robert just got her.

They parted ways that afternoon and Tommy couldn’t believe his eyes as Lori and Maria came back home, the younger girl beaming and smiling like he had never seen before.

-

“Joel?” Ellie’s voice sounded loudly through the house the second Joel started to put on his boots at the front door. “Can you pick up some soap and maybe a new towel at the trading post today? We’re kinda running out.”

“And you’ve been scrubbing your body too hard with that towel that you need a new one?” There was a slight raise in octave as Joel spoke, his joking and playful side not letting the chance to tease Ellie go past him. Hearing the annoyed groan coming from upstairs made Joel chuckle, knowing he was successful in getting on the girl’s nerves again. He’d call it payback for all the times she’d annoyed him. “I’ll see if I can find some stuff!”

With that he was out the door and heading towards the trading post.

It was a lot more packed that day since a group of patrollers had seemingly hit the jackpot with the place they had basically raided the night before. The people of Jackson were haggling to get the best value out of their trades and Joel just watched from a bit further away as he waited for his best “toiletries trader” to finish his trades with the five women before him in line.

Joel was posted up against a thick support beam, he trusted to hold his weight. His eyes continued to scan the multiple trading stalls set out to see if anything else caught his attention. Something— no, someone certainly did.

“Look at the smile on that kid.” The cheery voice next to Joel’s voice startled the man, causing him to jump back a little. Just beside him stood Tommy with a dumb smile. “I bet it’s been years since you’ve seen her like that. Couldn’t be because of you, hmm?”

Joel examined his brother’s face before scoffing. “Is this entertaining to you?”

Tommy chuckled, turned his head to give his brother a nod and then turned his head back to watch Lori who was excitingly skimming through different hair accessories.

“Whatever,” Joel sighed and joined where Tommy’s gaze fell. “Lori has never shown interest in stupid things like that. How was I supposed to know that was what she—”

“It’s not for her.” Joel could practically hear the sadistic joy in Tommy’s voice as he spoke. Tommy cared for his brother—there was no doubt about it—but he felt like Joel deserved to feel every ounce of guilt and pain after everything Lori put up with because of him.

Joel’s face fell further, if that was even possible, when he saw a man walk up to Lori. His ears weren’t the best, but he could hear everything when that man told her “Julia would love this.”

And Lori’s response sounded even clearer as she replied with, “that’s good. I wish I could gift her something better for taking me into your guys’ house.”

“You’re already a gift, Lori.”

Joel’s heart sank as Lori smiled up at the man with the brightest smile. The same smile she had always given Tess. The same smile he had been on the receiving end for only a handful of times, but he, at that moment, realised he had always taken it for granted.

“Robert and Julia are taking Lori in so I guess you’re welcome back into our home,” Tommy said so nonchalantly. “I mean, it doesn’t seem like Lori is coming back to me. She’s been enjoying their company. They’re good people.”

Although Tommy wanted to rub it in that Lori had moved on from Joel, Tommy also wanted Joel to know that the people that were taking care of her were to be trusted and would never hurt her. Tommy wanted Joel to know that if there was even a tiny piece in Joel that wanted to make things right with Lori and possibly bring her back to him—though, he highly doubted that—Joel had lost his chance and there was no reason for him to even try.

Joel didn’t realise Tommy had left as his eyes were focused on the way Lori’s cheeks and ears became red. “I—” she stuttered as she looked up at the man, who Joel newly found out was called Robert.

Robert reached over her shoulder and grabbed a second hair clip, one that matched the one they had picked out for Julia. “Here,” he said as he clipped the accessory into Lori’s hair. “As a ‘thank you’ for trusting us and letting us take care of you. And that’s what we’ll do until you get sick of us.” Robert and Lori both laughed at his words. “We’ll take care of you.”

---

taglist: @daddysfavoritesexkitten @midgetpottermills

note: I don't do permanent taglists atm (I actually don't do taglists in general, but I thought why not since I was asked) so if you want to be tagged in a future part of this you'll have to just message me or comment and I'll keep note of that.

[goldensunset]

What do you think of Kairi, Xion, Naminé, and Aqua? Just general feelings, nothing too detailed if you don't want to-

like as a team, or individually?

as a team: oh how i WISH we could see it in canon. even if it were to end up borderline tokenism-y like with marvel. i would love to see the girl power squad idc i think they should hype each other up their color schemes together would be so pretty

kairi: my dearly beloved. yes the writers need to treat her better but so do the fans. she does have clearly defined character motivations and it’s weird to act like she doesn’t just bc they’re not ones that people like. she just wants stability and a home after having lost her memories and crash-landed somewhere as a toddler. she’s afraid of change but will do anything to stay with her friends in the midst of a fast-moving world because she’s lost them too many times. she’s a bit out of touch with them and sometimes clearly doesn’t know the right thing to do or say. i hope kh4 treats her kindly and gently and gives her more agency without trying to flatten her into a hashtag strong independent woman. i have high hopes for my little strawberry and wild daydreams about what i would love to see as her precise role in coming games. wrote some stuff in the tags here. i swear i thought i had more pre-written essays to draw on than that i know there’s so much i’m leaving out but i think i got the main points

xion: truly i will never be able to get over her story and especially her theme. what an incredibly well composed piece of music. honestly she and her theme were like a major factor as to me getting into this series. i’m very happy she’s alive after all that. i said a lot about her here already recently so i won’t burn myself out going into detail again. even that i feel like is a minor weak attempt at fully conveying my emotions regarding her. oh and a few more thoughts here

naminé: tbh thinking about chain of memories reduces me to a puddle but like in a bittersweet way as opposed to the pure bitterness of days. like sora’s interactions with her… their relationship even if it was brief and based on an illusion…the writing and animation and voice acting was legit so good man. i’m a wreck. nami is so beautiful and strong and horribly horribly sad but she gets overlooked… the thing is that even if she has people who love her she’s still nobody’s first choice. she doesn’t have her own place to go. she’s still lonely…

aqua: MAN she’s so interesting.. the way she’s carrying on eraqus’ legacy in both good and bad ways… the way she was corrupted after wandering a distorted world alone for a decade… the way she’s headstrong and determined and fights so hard yet can hardly make a difference as her world falls down around her… the way she’s incredibly strong and proud yet you see her once-firm core begin to shake as time passes on… not entirely related but i hope we get to see her (and the other two) (and kairi as her student!) visit the ruins of scala ad caelum bc they’re the last ones carrying on that legacy

[spectre-writes]

Okay, I'm gonna say it again, cos it's still on my mind. My biggest gripe with stampede is something that a small change to the last two eps would have fixed... and that's just showing us some civilians. (Big spoilers ahead, be warned).

Like, I get why they didn't... they put their budget and time into the action (and boy did they deliver there) - it would be a pain to have to model a bunch of new characters for a small portion of screen time. Easier to just make them military police so you can re-use assets (and if they have their helmets on you don't have to animate faces either).

But for a supposedly huge city, July feels so... empty? We don't see crowds, we don't see people going about their lives, we don't see them running in panic when shit goes down... It's just the military police (one of which shot Vash, and another who set a cluster bomb off over an innocent town), and it just isn't the same?

I mean, think about seeing just... ordinary people facing that kind of threat? Seeing them screaming and running for their lives... heck, have the military police trying to help them evacuate (so they maybe do something other than be assholes for a change). Show us a crying child lost in the chaos. Show us someone cradling their cat as they run. Show us people in their pyjamas, show us neighbours helping to get an elderly person out. Humanise the whole thing.

When I see July vaporised, I don't want to just see a bunch of buildings gone. I want to have a sense of all those other lives that were snatched away - that's the tragedy. They gave us a death toll at the end, but honestly without them telling us you could just assume that maybe a hundred military police died and everyone else evacuated in time. It just.... the impact isn't the same? I know it would be backdrop to the actual fight going on, but man... it would have added so much, to let us catch a glimpse of the people unfortunate enough to have been there... to understand that they were erased...

Moving on to a second season, I'm curious how they're going to handle Vash's reaction to July. In the manga, he repressed the memory, and when he gets it back he's overwhelmed by it and he nearly loses control... but it's not necessarily just the event itself that distresses him so much, it's all the time before. Because, he actually spent some time in July before things went down. He got to know some of the people there, and saw, first hand, how kind they were. What he's dealing with isn't just 'oh I blew up a city' it's trying to come to terms with the fact that all those people he met, all their kindness, all their seperate lives, their hopes and dreams, he destroyed them all in an instant. It's not a bunch of buildings he sees, it's their smiling faces. And that's what haunts him.

So... how does that work for stampede? Either they just... don't give it the same impact, retroactively add in some stuff in some flashbacks, or... and I'm just tossing ideas out here... what if it isn't just Vash's own memory that he gets back?

Plant powers are all 'wavey hand magic' but I think they have some psychic abilities. What if Vash was able to take on some of the memories of the people in July? What if he sees things from their perspective? Gets a glimpse of the happy lives he tore asunder? See himself as a monster from their point of view?

It would definitely be a different take on things, but stampede's already doing that...

Idk, that's just... what's on my mind right now.

[arcplaysgames]

Oh yeah, coming home to fucking NOTHING sucks. God, that fucking blows. It's so quiet. If you check the fridge it's just like "It hasn't changed." We are in the holding pattern portion of the game, like P3P after Ryoji's ultimatum.

god does every persona game do this bit, the simulacrum of despair?

Killing time until the next story beat, there's been some mumblings around town that honestly reminds me of Apathy Syndrome from P3P? Like the higher density of shadows is making people mean and not wanting to do anything. It's definitely not something I wanted the reminder of now.

AIN'T NOTHING MORE DEPRESSING THAN TENDING TO THE VEGGIES ALONE. Like oh my god I'm kind of surprised Reverie's pals don't start coming over? I guess, out of universe, this is a chance for the player to wrap up and grind SLinks they haven't had time to focus on, but in universe, it's baffling that, like, Yukiko and Yosuke and Teddie aren't trying to show up every night and coming up with excuses to bring dinner.

Speaking of neglected social links.

DEVIL SOCIAL LINK: GET. which i only got bc i needed just a little Courage boost to finally fucking unlock

FORTUNE SOCIAL LINK: GET. god the threshold for Naoto is ridiculous, not only is he locked to the late game BUT there's a massive Courage check needed to even spend any time with them. Bonkers.

Naoto, when I look at you, I hear "Modern Girls and Old-Fashioned Men" in my head, I don't want to hear any lip from you.

So far, Naoto's slink is about a break-in at the Shirogane Estate and their room getting robbed. Naoto tries to play it off because what's going on in Inaba is obviously more important, but also a master detective getting robbed is an insult to her pride too, and so there is an almost childish petulant desire to get revenge for the insult.

the what thief now

Next we'll meet a character called the Joker who kills people with rumors and the timelines will collapse.

I am genuinely hoping this slink picks up a bit bc right now I don't have many strong opinions on it actually. SHRUG

Over in the Aeon Slink, which I am abusing the omikuji box to powerlevel, Marie is starting to remember stuff but as soon as she does it keeps slipping her mind again.

The bamboo comb keeps coming up, which sure is convenient since I haven't forgotten Edogawa's lecture on Izanagi and Izanami. I don't think Marie is Izanami, but she's tied into it all somehow.

I mean, logically, signs do point to her be Izanami. However, her arcana is the Aeon and that alone makes me feel like the figure who said "I'll kill 1000 every day" doesn't really fit. That dog don't hunt. However, I don't know which one does, so.

Marie's pretty fun. I like her agony over the failure to remember anything subsiding when she realizes she goes have memories, the ones she's making now. Renewed hope and determination after an event of pure desolation seems to be the Aeon's modus operandi in both P4 and P3P. Or, that is my assumption, basically, as I'm not familiar with the card myself.

There is a whole fucking lot of nothing to do as I grind SLinks and wait for the next plot beat. I do like that P4 actually gives you opportunities to talk to the links you've maxed out rather than leaving them complete with nothing to add.

Also Yosuke, someday we gotta do drag again but take is seriously. You'd look amazing, I am completely certain.

also hey adachi hey remember when we were talking about Persona and you didn't know what that was, so hey I made you one special, just for you

i think it might help you cause like

it'll help you, like

learn how to give a shi--

[amynchan]

Dear 2024,

I couldn't write this on New Year's. I was really busy that day. You may remember that I was at home, and there was a lot happening. But it's a month later. It's the night of Feb 1, and things are looking... well, weird, if I'm honest.

2022 brought with it a lot of change. I moved out of mom and dad's, I got my own job, and I lived in my own apartment. I loved all the meal prepping and slowly getting adjusted to my own space. I loved meeting my coworkers, and I struggled a lot with figuring out how to teach these kids. It was an explosive year, and I ended it off with one hell of a bang. While I wouldn't recommend the stress again, the memories are Worth It.

Now, it's 2023. I'm one month in at this point. The job, I think, is going better. I've had to give some assessments to help fix some past mistakes, and I finally started to try the dating thing. I've hit a few duds, and there was one dude who actually used his dick as one of his profile pictures. Horrified that that actually happens. But some good stuff has come of it, too. Currently reading Mythos Redone, which has been fun.

I've also bought Mass Effect Legendary Edition for myself, and I've acquired a Roommate. Lloyd the Void. He's currently meowing around the room like he can't get to me, but I know he can hop up here. I love him. He wakes me up at 1 in the morning, but I love him.

The reality of my situation comes and goes, honestly. I still feel like I'm being lorded over; I feel like my own person. I feel like Lloyd's got somewhere else to go; I know I'm his sole caretaker. I feel it all at once; I don't feel it at all. It's like I'm in low-stakes splinters, and I shouldn't feel like they're low-stakes, and I'm being dramatic if I call them anything higher. I'm muted, I'm confused, and I hope that things are more straightforward for you.

Honestly, I don't know what I hope for you. Envisioning you... feels like a futile exercise. I don't know if I'll still be here, if I'll move, or if there's something else. The future seems almost nonexistant, the present seems distant, and the past is something I shouldn't be living in. I don't know how to live, and it's odd because people see me as someone who does. Who lives and lives well.

I hope you do. Wherever you are in 2024, I hope you're living well. And if you are, I hope you know it. Without me to remind you.

Lloyd is looking like he may need sleep soon. So do I.

We'll talk again.

-Me.

[radiantlyrey]

Thoughts on Uprising Episode 5, Identity

- Beck continuing the trend of getting into trouble with Wrong Place, Wrong Time stuffs. poor kid…

- love that Tron is in this episode more, being the same Grouch as always.

- the disc theft is……. Interesting. We know from Legacy that there is such thing as a forged disc (Zuse mentions it in the list of things Sam needs to get to the Portal); perhaps stolen discs is where those come from? And stray programs are mentioned in Legacy as well, though not expanded upon. Honestly, TRON is FULL of Unexplained Worldbuilding Things that I would give my right hand to know. UGH

- stray programs are such an interesting concept. Like the disc is the program, apparently?? It’s like…. well actually thinking about it, it makes sense?? Kind of???? The program is made of fairly basic code; the disc holds that code and its log of activities, while the body is just a physical manifestation of the code itself. Unlike Users/humans, whose code is an inherent part of them/us, and thus can’t be memory-wiped by swiping an activity log. It’s interesting as fuck, is what I’m saying. Like the philosophical implications of the program being the disc and not the physical person—so Interesting!!!!!

- also the glitches are scary as Fuck. One moment you know what’s going on and then the next you don’t know anything?? Terrifying. And well portrayed by the episode, too, with the fisheye effect on Beck’s closeups and the general blurriness from his PoV.

- could have sworn Cobol was voiced by Ron Perlman, but it was some person I’ve not heard of instead. Doing one heck of a Perlman impression, tbqh.

- Lux is EXTREMELY INTERESTING TO ME. Siren who’s gotten caught up in the black market?? INTERESTING. Also she’s a whole hell of a lot more principled than Cobol, because when she sees Tron it’s like everything changes for her. Also the shaved head is just badass looking.

- meanwhile, a three scene B plot with Zed and Mara!! That took up like six minutes of episode time. Like okayyyyy. Turns out I didn’t need to be so worried about Zed joining the anti-Renegade taskforce, because it turns out Mara kind of guilted him into doing the right thing!!! Good for him I guess.

- Also someone commented on my last commentary post that Bartik here and Bartik in Legacy are the same character/program, and uh. Wonder how THAT happens, because damn. How does one go from happily helping Clu’s forces to hoping a revolution against Clu can be sparked into existence???? Color me intrigued as fuck.

- love Tron’s comments about Beck being his friend at the end there. Especially the bit about trusting someone as a friend and being betrayed, bc from what I know of later episodes, that could be like three different programs!!!! (Clu, like Beck assumes; Dyson I have heard was a friend turned enemy; and then Cyrus as well!! Again I have not watched the whole series and my last dip in was 10 years ago, but from what Discussion I have seen I am making some Assumptions.) also love the comment that he “made the right choice this time”, because that is just dripping with implications that I imagine pay off in future episodes…..

- other details: Purgos as the name of the black market district is interesting, with the obvious name tie to Xtian (or at least Catholic) Purgatory; wonder what the creators meant for us to take from that… // Galt was an interesting one off character; total sleazeball of course, but interesting nonetheless // ngl when they were surrounded by all of Cobol’s goons, I was kinda cackling because like. It’s Tron. Even scarred all to hell he’s gonna kick most of y’all’s asses.

- I am probably gonna watch this episode again with captions on so I can get helpful juicy deets for my TRON horror story fic idea. I gotta do some brainstorming on stuffs tonight for sure.

- that said the brainstorming might have to wait bc the next episode has Paige Backstory and also QUORRA sooooooooo…….. yeah

[dokidokitsuna]

I hope everyone’s enjoying a Happy New Year! :D I dunno why, but I feel like I should post something.

I’ve been in a positively foul mood for the last 24 hours...I chalk it up to pre-menstrual nonsense mixed with the fact that being on vacation all week (i.e. stuck in my house with ALL my family members on a daily basis) is starting to get to me. 6__6;;

Maybe things will change once I finally get my own place (which I’m currently working on with my realtor, and when it does happen you WILL know) but historically I can’t just...be left to my own devices and do art ALL the time. I get cabin-fever, I need to do more than just go out for food and groceries; I need another regular multi-hour activity to do besides my personal work. If I ever became rich and didn’t need my day job anymore, I’d probably start doing volunteer work again or go back to school; I gotta have something...

Anyway, now I’m in a better mood; a reflective mood...2022 was an interesting year~. I started a new YouTube channel that’s actually going pretty well, I learned a lot about animation thanks to those two AniChall entries-- seriously, they were stressful and insane and the whole time I was working on them I was filled with guilt about all the other stuff I should’ve been doing instead, but I really did learn SO much. I honestly think they’re the main reason I’m now able to consider pursuing animation seriously in the future. It’s not just a nebulous possibility anymore, I am good and I can get better.

Let’s see, what else...I started a new job, I got my first RSI...Twitter imploded, DeviantArt continued its death throes...I threw a Halloween party, I started doing yoga, I bought a Switch, I’m actually kind of good at Splatoon (more on that later)...I’m mostly focusing on the late-year stuff because my memory sucks, but I’m sure there were lots of other notable events. ^^;

I don’t really do New Year’s resolutions anymore (I stopped after 2020...) but I do have overarching goals...I think this year I’d like to keep getting better at illustrating, I’d like to finally finish some of the novels I’ve been writing, I’d like to put even more energy towards my animation work and the DokiDraws channel and see what comes of them, I’d like to buy a house and finally fulfill the promise I made to my Magolor plush so long ago. XD And I’d just generally like to have more happy moments, and see more good things in the world.

[dudewhy3]

Writer ask game is a good opportunity to know more about my favourite writers :3

💫🌈🦋🍉🎀💘💞🎈💝🤍💥💋💌

anna i literally love you, you are too nice (╥_╥)♡

💫what is your favorite kind of comment/feedback?

any kind of feedback is my favourite kind really. it can range from a tiny heart to a detailed comment, i love any and all feedback♡

🌈is there a fic that you worked *really fucking hard on* that no one would ever know? maybe a scene/theme you struggled with?

'See You Again' as a whole was one of the hardest things i ever wrote, not only because i had to make sure i pictured all the grieve and yearning right, but also because it hit really close to home. i had to dig deep into my memories to write that, and it honestly made me cry a few times haha

🦋what are you most insecure about when you post a fic?

uuuuh literally everything. what if i didn’t get the characters right? what if my prose is lacking? what is the dialogue comes across as boring? what if my descriptions don’t do the scenary in my head justice? i'm insecure about literally every aspect of my writing, yet here i am. thriving.

🍉in what ways has writing helped you process trauma and/or navigate through your own life?

writing's been an escape for me ever since i was a kid. i find myself writing whenever life gets hard, and lately i've been writing about the hard stuff too instead of avoiding them, which helps put stuff into perspective.

💘Is there any posted fic you want to rework/re-edit/re-write?

yes, the rom-com. once i finish writing it, i'll go back and re-edit it one last time.

💞what's the most important part of a story for you? the plot, the characters, the worldbuilding, the technical stuff (grammar etc), the figurative language

all of those really. they go hand in hand

🎈describe your style as a writer; is it fixed? does it change?

it changes so often. it varies from story to story

💝what is a fic that got a different response than you were expecting?

'Pancake and New Plans'. it was such a silly lil fic, written in literally half an hour and edited in 10 minutes, with my cat sitting on my lap (she also inspired the fic), and now it’s one of my most read fanfics. i didn’t think it'd get more than like 5 kudos, but here we are

🤍what's one fic of yours you think people didn't "get"?

'there for you', which you won’t find anywhere on the internet anymore. people were focusing so much on the romance part it, all the symbolism of it got brushed over. the whole point of the story was that even in your most desperate moments you are not alone, there are peoole who love you, it was a story about a group of desperate teenagers finding love and hope and forgiveness in each other– and all that got brushed over for the romance part and i hated it. i could write a whole essay about this lmao

💥find your least kudos'd fic - say something wonderful about it.

'Triplu A', written in collaboration with Leftie. I had so much fun writing this fic really, it’s one of my favourites. It’s also the very first aruani fic written in romanian on the whole archive!!

💋when you leave comments on a fic, do you want to hear back from the writer?

i love hearing back from them! i can’t say i'm expecting it, as i myself am very bad at responding to comments, but it always makes me happe when i do!

💌share something with us about an up-and-coming work (WIP) that has you excited!

chapter 12 of 'Who painted the sky?' is such. an ecxiting one! i cannot wait to get around to writing it. It's when the rom-com really starts taking off, but i won’t say more :3

🎀give yourself a compliment about your own writing

i left this for last because i... guess i struggle seeing the good stuff in my writing. alright, here goes– cris, i love how organised you are with your craft. yeah that’s it

[fuchsea]

hii!! ❄️ i’m so sorry i’m not being more regular with my asks, i know i want to get back to you as soon as possible but i just keep procrastinating it 😭 ooo since you’re an indian living in the uk, how hard was the adjustments for you? like culture wise, food wise etc? only if you wanna answer of course! tired tired sea is an absolute masterpiece, i’ve got such fond memories attached to it, and it’s really made me wanna visit scotland one day 🤍 maybe it’s time to reread it 👀 i’m so happy that you got to see hl!!! oh my god that must have been so amazing, i’d kill to have that chance, manifesting louis india tour 2023 🕯️🕯️ i’ve literally already started saving up 💀 as for my bucket list, i had always wanted a dog and we adopted one last year!! do you like dogs? do you have a pet/want one? funny thing about hot chocolate - my city has a tradition every winter that whenever it gets cold, everyone steps out to get ice cream and then hot chocolate in that order 😭 we’re just built different sorry 😌✨ does your hometown have any such winter traditions? qotd - what is your favourite lyric off walls and fitf? like one that hits you hard every time you hear it?

i won’t freak out about louis again but i’ll just say - THE WAY HIS EYES CHANGE COLOUR!! HE IS UNREAL!! THESE SIGNINGS ARE A GODSEND!! i hope you have a good day darling 💕

i feel you so much bby about not being able to get back soon because life is just getting really hectic 😭 i barely get time for myself these days i need to have some free days where i can just sleep 😭

so, i did my undergrad away from too, but still in india and i sort of had that experience of living by myself which helped me a lot when i moved here. i made some really good friends at my accomodation on day one of moving that helped a lot. as for the culture, it's such a big contrast to the lifestyle that i'm used to and i had to learn a lot of things about stuff that happened on a day to day basis, but it wasn't very hard. as for food, i think that's what i miss most about home because the food culture here is so different. especially i'm uses to eating extremely spicy food and the food here is always so bland. luckily we have a couple stores that sell indian spices and stuff like that which helps a lot (they even have parle g 💀)

god i am manifesting louis coming to india so bad honestly he deserves to feel the love that desis have for him and vice versa. it'll be such an amazing feeling to see him perform there 🥹 bonus if he says namaste 😂

oh my god that is so cute!! what did you name your dog 👀👀 ooh about that tradition, i do that with my family too! every winter, we drive up to india gate and take a walk there while having ice cream because ice cream in winters means it doesn't melt and you can actually enjoy it longer!

i've always moved around a lot that at this point i don't even know what my hometown is 😭 but i suppose that family traditions counts in this case 🫣

favourite lyric from walls is definitely without a doubt - i hope that i'm not asking too much, just wanna be loved by you; i'm too tired to be tough just wanna be loved by you

faith in the future (as of now) - the friends we make, the love it takes, it's worth, it's worth, it's worth the pain, the friends we make, the love it takes, it's worth, it's worth, it's worth it all this time 🫶

what about you? 👀 also, absolutely freaking about louis and how beautiful he is, is always welcome 🤍

[raccoon-reviews]

Raccoon Reviews: Burrow Nomad Sofa! • Furniture Reviews

Block Nomad Sofa, $1799+ on Burrow official website

Now, I've seen a lot being said about Burrow furniture. It's snazzy, it's expensive, it comes in pieces! Y'know what else comes in pieces? My now broken ass. No amount of fluffy tail can help make this godforsaken thing comfortable or worth the money.

I have had a Burrow Nomad sofa for nearly 3 years now, and I can confirm it's absolute ass.

The following are my grievances in no particular order:

Cushions do NOT retain shape. After 4 months, there were ass-sized dents in all of them, both sides.

Cushions, also, ARE ALL DIFFERENT DIMENSIONS. I got the chaise add on, and you'd think it would make sense to make it so you can swap out two cushions for the long chaise cushion when not in use, right? Wrong. The dimensions are off. It's too long and narrow to do that.

Storing the cushions is a nightmare. Where tf do I put the leftover cushions when I swap to the chaise? They don't fit under the sofa. They don't fit on or under the ottoman. I hope your tiny apartment had fantastic closet space, or you're fucked with trying to store the pieces not in use.

The butt cushions slide off. Like. So fast. I'll lean back once and the whole cushion has moved off by 4 inches.

If you use the back cushions that come with it, it's a VERY shallow sofa. Barely any space to lean back, let alone with throw pillows. I took them off and use some comfy big pillows, but it's still narrow as shit.

God forbid you try to move the sofa without taking it fully apart first. It's become so wobbly and loose in the joints that it's coming apart with each sit. I get the schtick, easy to move and all that, but holy fuck. I tried moving it across my living room and it was so wobbly when I sat back down that my cat freaked out at its shaking. Only plus side to its wobbly ass is that if you have uneven floors, that's no issue! You also have an uneven sofa.

The height of it is VERY short, especially since the cushions deflate within 6 months of use. Fine for some people, but I am taller than average and my knees are up to my chest when I don't use furniture risers. Also, no way to store anything under it but small cat toys.

There are no options for higher furniture legs and changing them is a nightmare because the legs are part of what keeps the sofa "together."

The charging port is a fine idea, but it's in the most inconvenient place and the cord to plug it into the wall is too short. I gave up and just... used the extension cord I needed to plug the thing into the wall.

Honestly? It's just not comfortable. Even if the cushions weren't completely useless after a few months, the way it's put together means that you have hard spots every 2-ish feet. It hurts your back, your butt, your legs, and it forces you to slide to those places because the cushions are ass and get so flat at the edges.

The sleeper add-on is also shitty. The memory foam does make the sofa marginally more comfortable, but because it's made for ease, it's a thin piece of foam that I honestly could have gotten at Joann fabrics for less money and higher quality. It's also, say it with me, Too Small. The dimensions are about 2 inches shorter on all sides, and the sheets and stuff are fine but cheap as hell along with the "quilt" and pillow. Again, it is not wide enough!! My skinny ass father had to last minute get a hotel because when he tried to stay over, he fell off 3 times. And the topper slid off. And the blankets were too small. And the pillow was flat. It's not even comfortable for napping unless you can curl up onto a single cushion because of the stupid hard areas where the sections meet.

Aesthetically, it's like... fine? But it's not cute enough to excuse even one of these complaints, let alone the price.

Also, "scratch and stain resistant" my ASS. This thing looks disgusting, resists every ounce of OxiClean I've put on it, and took a month of wear and tear from cats before it started literally bursting at the seams. The seams in the corners are all open now, at least 6 inches long in most areas, with fluff and foam on the verge of pouring out, and it looks ugly as shit. Plus, it can't be hidden since the weave of the fabric is so huge. It just makes bigger and bigger gaps, and fixing it is a nightmare. I'd have to hand sew new fabric on over it just to close the holes.

All in all, I've found more comfortable furniture on the side of the road.

Burrow sofas would barely be worth it for a third of the price. It is not durable, it is not cute, and it is not comfortable. It's literally coming apart at the seams.

The only reason you should get this couch is if you're absolutely insane about taking care of your furniture, never move it or sit on it, and like to suffer when you do. The only reason I got this couch was because it was a gift I had no say in. The only reason I've kept this couch is because it was a hella expensive gift, my stairwell is too tiny for an actual sofa, and I don't make enough money to get a new one.

The only plus side is that it's light as fuck, so when I toss it to the curb it won't hurt my back:) no more than it already has, at least.

TLDR; -10/10. This is ass. Do not buy this.

***PLEASE DO NOT BUY THIS SOFA. DO NOT RECOMMEND IT. DO NOT EVEN LOOK AT THEIR SITE. IT'S THE WORST SOFA I'VE EVER SAT ON, AND I HAD FRIENDS IN A FRAT.***

[couragemydearheart]

How do you process grief?

it’s been pretty long since i got this ask (like months) and when i read it first i had no idea how to answer it, mostly because i had no idea. and i’ve been inactive here for a long time so it just got shelved down with the rest of my unanswered asks.

despite having grieved before, i didn’t know how i was to put it in words. i think now i do, somewhat.

i was honestly shocked at the amount of raw pain that just hits you when you lose somebody. i did so, a few months ago. and i lost another person again recently. while one of them is still alive, the other one is not. different circumstances but it was equally terrible both the times. to realize that someone who was so ingrained into your life will not be there in the coming future, is a jarring idea. it pretty much throws you off your axis. it was difficult for me to process the idea that they just won’t be there in any of the events that will happen next, that i won’t get to turn to them and tell them about what happened or my thoughts about something. it is unbearably painful. and the pain does not go away. it stays and reminds you.

eventually the way i perceived it changed though. the need to move on from the hurt was necessary, so i did. it took a long time but i got through it i think. while the pain will always remain, i don’t hate it for reminding me anymore. i think i became grateful that it reminds me. remembering all the memories, every precious moment is worth the pain felt. it always is good to feel my emotions instead of suppressing them to avoid the difficult ones, so i cried and cried until i couldn't and got through it. it never ends well to bottle up stuff until it blows up in my face later lol, which i tend to do a lot of times but nonetheless. sharing what i thought about everything that happened with my closest ones made the process easier for sure. even now, putting all this into words made me feel a lot lighter than i was.

i didn't think this was going to be so long and i don't even know if it's going to be read by the anon who asked me this, but well im truly sorry for such a late reply and i hope this explains your ask :)

[ophelialmx]

Theory/Conjecture on Caleb’s ‘Other Book’

Alternative title: Caleb and his Keen but Imperfect Memory

This is a bit long. Ordinarily I do believe in brevity, but this is more of a discussion than a pitch. This is about what Caleb uses his second book for, and where it came from.

I have read people suggesting that Caleb’s ‘other book’ is used for journaling, and I’m not staying from that much. My thought is that it is more for record-keeping of sorts. What if he uses it to record the tiny details which his photographic memory can hold onto for only a few weeks before that information is lost forever. It’s a weird facet to having a ‘keen mind’, and an element of the feat which is only occasionally referenced: an incredible amount of information gets recorded – but after a while, it does disappear.

An aspect to Caleb that was discussed a lot early on, but has taken a back seat, is how much time he has lost, how much memory he does not have. On a personal note, this is actually one of the various reasons found myself so sucked into Caleb as a character. While I have not lost over a decade to amnesia and mental illness – it’s honestly not far off. When Nott said that before the Mighty Nein she and Caleb were not really ‘living’, I couldn’t help but think… yeah but that was a time in which he developed a new relationship (albeit shakily), survived around other people, and was able to track time and retain memories. That ticks a lot of boxes that haven’t always been ticked for him, and which most people take for granted.

When you’ve lost memory, at least in my experience, you learn not to do that. You think about the thoughts and memories that you will lose, and I think that would be even more the case for someone like Caleb who is good at puzzles and more or less wants to know everything.

It makes sense to me that Caleb would be constantly aware of the limitations of his memory, and know that a lot of his recollection is only temporary. Thus, when it comes to a situation he doesn’t necessarily understand in its entirety, he experiences something he does not yet know how to analyse, or he suspects there are details he will need to be able to recollect in the future, it makes sense to me that he would record these memories. He knows that, in order to retain information over the medium to long term, he needs to record and reabsorb it later. And he would know that he can put it right back in his brain by re-reading it.

So I think it would make a lot of sense for him to have a book he carries on him, mundane but perhaps for some kind of protection magic (it is, after all, hardy enough for Nott to shoot when they do ‘Modern Literature’). It makes sense that he might consider this more personal than his spellbook (which he shared with Professor Waccoh to avoid being pressed for information on his Second Book). This is especially true given his difficulty in social situations, and the weight he places upon the precise words that other people use.

At no time in the campaign have they needed to stop and check when certain information was discovered, to see if it is within the time frame for Caleb’s perfect memory. Beau had a copy of Avantika’s cypher, and presumably Caleb did too, but there has never been an explicit explanation as to where to keeps it. Nor has there been an explanation of where he might have recorded the teleportation circle runes, and presumably he recorded some of the library information regarding time magic and the Cerberus Assembly somewhere. Liam has that stuff written down, and I don’t think Caleb would leave it up to his imperfect extended memory to keep track of that after thirty days have passed.

And, as for a thought/conjecture on where it came from:

Caleb describes the book early on as a ‘family heirloom’. He mainly says that to brush off questions.

Now, I started writing CR fanfic entirely due to my fascination with the Soltryce Academy/Ikithon period of time in Caleb’s life, and in particular the amount of fondness and defensiveness with which Caleb describes the time in which he and his friends were being psychologically programmed into becoming executioners.

I think it would entirely make sense for this book to be a relic not from his blood family, but from his time studying, isolated with Ikithon, Astrid, Eodwulf, and the unnamed traitors they killed. I think it would make sense for Master Trent Ikithon to gift his extremely talented favourite student an item that could so easily and so effectively improve his power and knowledge base in the long term.

And I can imagine Caleb being unwilling to let that go, particularly if it does, after all, carry a protection charm of some sort. That’s knowledge, safely stored, and some of it is knowledge he would have a hard time getting back once it is lost.

(There is more on this I have yet to articulate, but here is also my earlier post on Caleb being the favourite… https://ophelialmx.tumblr.com/post/184143677558/theory-caleb-then-bren-was-singled-out-for)

[ptergwen]

okay so nwh request; peter tries to reintroduce himself to reader, i honestly dk at this point i’m still an emotional wreck 😭😭

welcome to the group

warnings: NWH SPOILERS and light swearing

a/n: this was so therapeutic for me omg i just rewrote parts of the equivalent scene to this in the movie and added in the reader which definitely eased some of my pain lmaoooo happy reading <3

-

“hi! my name is peter parker,” peter practices his carefully crafted letter aloud. “you don’t know me. but, i… uh…”

he pauses, looking up from the slip of paper. he’s winding through fellow new yorkers on his way to peter pan donut and pastry shop.

it’s where mj works, and where you, ned, and himself always hang out.

peter hasn’t shown since before he almost destroyed the universe not once, but twice, and the entire world’s memory of him was erased in the process. that included his two best friends and loving girlfriend.

he promised he’d make you remember him when all was said and done, which is what he’s here to do and what the letter is for.

it’s no secret that words aren’t peter’s strong suit. he decided to write everything down so he’d get them right for a change.

once again, he attempts to read his letter.

“hi. my name is peter parker, and you don’t know me, but…”

peter finally stumbles upon the pastry shop.

this is it.

he takes one last peek down at his letter before hurrying inside, trying not to think too much of it.

swinging the door open, peter enters the shop with his eyes wide and lips slightly parted in awe of its instant familiarity. cheesy holiday decorations adorn the walls, the smell of freshly brewed coffee floating through the air.

mj is behind the counter. she chats with a customer who’s nursing a mug of coffee. the man points in peter’s direction, alerting her of his presence.

she turns around to face peter, wearing an expression that’s identical to his. he’s convinced for a split second that maybe she does remember him.

maybe you and ned do, too.

mj raises her hand and waves with a small smile, and peter is about to wave back when he realizes it’s not to him.

it’s to ned.

“hey!” he beams, skipping inside and brushing right past peter.

as thrilled as peter is to see ned and mj, his guy and girl in the chair, something is still missing; you.

he was especially hoping to reunite with you.

“‘sup, leeds,” mj greets ned as he meets her at the counter. “where’s y/n? i thought you two were coming together.”

peter is wondering the same thing.

“oh, she overslept and missed the subway,” ned reveals with a snicker, seating himself on an empty stool. “she’s on the next one over now.”

“yup, that sounds like her,” mj snorts.

peter chuckles to himself because yeah, it does.

his stomach fills with butterflies from the thought of you arriving soon, out of nerves and excitement.

mj glances at peter quizzically, then back at ned.

“one sec,” she mumbles to him before facing peter. “can i help you?”

this is their first interaction in what feels like a lifetime to him, although it’s quite unceremonious compared to what peter was expecting. he doesn’t mind much because it eases the pressure, though.

he inches closer to mj, fumbling for his letter.

“hi, um…” he puts a hand over his chest, reciting the way he rehearsed. “my name is peter parker, and i…”

he’s interrupted by a chime of the bell for the shop’s entrance.

you come dashing in, mj perking up when you approach the counter.

you’re clad in an oversized hoodie and sweats, pushing the hood off your head. with your fingers, you give your locks a quick touch up to account for it. you let out a definitive sigh once you’re satisfied.

peter watches you, his letter long forgotten about.

“morning,” you grunt and rub at your tired eyes. “someone’s in dire need of a pick-me-up,” mj observes. “i was up all night doing college apps. hit me with the good stuff, em,” you request.

“on it,” mj agrees as she grabs a cup. “room for milk and sweetened to your liking?” you snap, impressed that she has your order down. “you’re good at this.”

“i’ll have the same,” peter surprises himself by speaking up. there’s a beat before he adds, “please.”

mj gathers another cup. a smirk is playing on her lips.

“oh… ‘kay. no problem, peter parker,” she teases, heading off to start on both your drinks.

you peer over your shoulder to see who mj was talking to. he’s waiting where the line would be, smiling shyly at you.

“ooh, sorry. were you next?” you return his smile, yours apologetic. “that’s my bad. here, you go ahead of me.”

you’re already moving to step back, but peter holds out a hand to stop you.

“no, no, no. it’s fine!” he assures. “you look like could use the coffee, anyway.”

your mouth drops open in offense.

crap, peter forgot you’re not well enough acquainted yet to joke around like that.

you’re not acquainted at all anymore.

“damn, peter parker,” you laugh out, much to peter’s relief. “your bite is worse than your bark.”

he sucks his lower lip between his teeth to suppress a grin that’s far too wide.

“i’m y/n… y/n y/l/n,” you introduce yourself. “i know yours, so it’s only fair you know mine.”

“sure, fair trade,” peter affirms, gaze lingering on you. “it’s, uh, nice to meet you, y/n.”

a warm smile graces your features.

“nice to meet you, too.”

ned appears by your side suddenly with his arms open to embrace you. you bring him into a hug and give a pat on his back, peter wishing desperately to join you two.

“y/n! love the fit,” ned compliments and pulls back to admire it. “she’s totally repping!” mj chimes in while she fills yours and peter’s cups with ice.

peter is confused as to what’s so special about your usual loungewear.

then, he notices the MIT logo stretched across the front of your hoodie.

you were accepted?

“thank you, thank you,” you giggle, your hands straightening out the material. “you guys should get your own so we can match.”

“way ahead of you. mine is supposed to ship soon,” ned proudly shares and fist bumps you. “i may have done a little shopping spree myself. hoodies, crewnecks… the essentials,” mj discloses in uncharacteristically cheerful tone.

“look at you with the school spirit!” ned commends her. “tell anybody, i will deny it,” she deadpans, continuing to make the coffees.

peter pieces together that not only were you accepted to MIT, but so were ned and mj.

that was the plan, for the three of you to attend together. it’s your dream school. said plan originally included peter, although a plethora of complications unfortunately resulted in him being denied.

he’s still insanely happy for each of you, though. your acceptances into MIT were the reason peter did what he did in the first place.

as for you, peter is only disappointed because he can’t give you all the celebratory hugs and kisses you deserve. not when your memory of and therefore feelings for him have been erased.

mj slides the coffees across the counter, you eagerly retrieving yours.

“one for y/n, and one for…” she gestures to peter. “peter parker?”

peter keeps his eyes trained on you, allowing himself a moment to bask in your radiance.

you’re so content, so carefree as you discuss your college’s mascot with ned while pouring creamer into your black coffee.

it seems like you have a newfound sense of hope for your future, one you’d previously lost when you were always caught up in peter’s chaos.

“peter parker?” mj repeats, now effectively garnering his attention. “your… coffee.”

“right, thank you,” peter acknowledges, letting out an awkward chuckle.

he picks the drink up from the counter and leaves the total money due in its place. mj wordlessly puts it in the cash register, then jumps into yours and ned’s conversation.

with that, peter decides his time at the pastry shop has come to a close. he doesn’t want to bother you three anymore.

he manages to get halfway to the door when you call out to him.

“hey, where are you going?”

peter stands there like a deer in headlights.

“come sit with us.”

“i’m not so sure that’s a good idea,” peter admits, despite the voice in his head that’s screaming at him to take the seat next to you.

your lips twitch down, almost into a frown.

“c’mon, a little stranger danger never hurt anybody,” you persuade, waving around the bottle of creamer. “at least let me finish off your coffee.”

peter can’t say no to you even if he tried. it’s by far his biggest weakness.

besides, you asked him.

“is that okay? if i sit with you guys?” he checks with ned and mj.

mj shrugs, her typical couldn’t care less attitude.

“sure, dude! any friend of y/n’s is a friend of ours,” ned concurs.

that means everything to peter.

absolutely everything.

he doesn’t bite back his toothy grin this time as he pads over, choosing the seat between you and ned.

you playfully bump his shoulder with your own.

“welcome to the group, peter parker.”

[cuti-romeros]

Carraville + kiss for @well-good-luck-with-that

Thank you for the prompt, hope you enjoy! (Apologies for how long this took, carraville’s beautiful happy giggly mnf yesterday was apparently the kick of inspiration I needed)

-

“Good show, yeah?” Jamie says as they settle into the taxi.

He thinks briefly about asking Gary to start a Live, then decides against it. They’ve been just-barely containing themselves in front of cameras all day, all week—let this moment be only for them.

“Yeah, not bad. I’d give it an eight, I think.” Gary doesn’t pull out his phone either, even though they’d both agreed after the prep meeting this morning to do a pre and post show Live to kick off the new season in style. It seems Gary is just as tired as he is.

(It’s less that talking with Gary takes energy out of him, camera or no camera, and much more that resisting the urge to take Gary’s hand or rest his head against his shoulder is much harder when only half his brain is awake to remind him they can’t. Not yet)

Maybe someday they won’t have to pretend.

“Yeah, an eight, because you left all the tech screen stuff to me,” he says, because winding Gary up is as second nature as breathing at this point.

He’s rewarded with a sharp elbow to his side and a mumbled, “Fuck off.” It’s said in the strong, slurred Mancunian that only comes out when Gary’s properly tired, too far gone to waste brainpower on things like enunciation and elocution, and Jamie treasures every word. Gary has a tv voice just as much as he does, and he doesn’t take for granted that he’s one of the few who gets to stick around when it falls away.

“Five out of ten for the show,” Gary says. “Extra three is for getting to see your face when Palace scored first.”

“My face is worth three points, you’re right.”

Another elbow, softer this time. It’s more a caress than a jab.

“It was nice to be back,” Gary admits, looking out the window. The streetlights and neon signs outside paint his face in shades of red and blue, and even in a rumpled black T-shirt with his hair all askew, he’s pretty enough to eat.

Jamie contents himself with reaching his hand across the seat and settling it on top of Gary’s, like they’re blushing schoolchildren fumbling around in a crowded movie theater. It feels that way sometimes.

“Missed the Premier League,” Gary says, but there’s a smile in his voice, and Jamie takes that as an implicit invitation to hold on a little tighter, curling his fingers around Gary’s the way he’s been wanting to do all day. “Thirty years, can you believe it?”

Jamie thinks of Gary’s hand in his own, Gary’s faded United pajama bottoms tucked in a drawer of his wardrobe, Gary’s wheaties in his pantry, Gary’s contact saved with a little heart at the end in his phone—and snorts. “Thinking about a different anniversary, honestly.”

“Oh?”

Gary still won’t look at him, apparently deeply interested in something happening on the deserted streets of central London, so Jamie continues, “Our first MNF was nine years ago to next Friday. But we met a few days before that, do you remember? Some luncheon thing that Sky arranged to get over the painful introductions before we had to start working together.”

“Are you honestly going to tell me it was exactly nine years ago to the day?”

“Are you honestly going to tell me you don’t remember?” Jamie remembers, but then again, he doesn’t forget much. And he’s happy to lose every last bit of his football pub trivia knowledge before he loses the memory of that day, shaking hands with Gary across the table and looking into his eyes and realizing that without the United crest or the usual sneer, he’s actually a startling beautiful man. Jamie remembers, because it’s hard to forget a day that changed your life.

“I remember,” Gary says, very, very quietly, and that’s how Jamie knows he’s telling the truth. “I wanted to punch you, and then I wanted to—well. Not something you forget easily.”

And yeah, Jamie remembers that moment too. Not as well as he’d like, the exact sensations stolen away by time, but he’s had plenty of kisses from Gary in the interim to refresh his memory.

“Happy anniversary, Gaz,” he murmurs under his breath, low and quiet so the taxi driver won’t be able to catch it.

It’s dark enough back here, and they’re turning onto a pretty dimly lit street. Maybe…

“I don’t like the look in your eye. What’re you up to?”

“You’re not even looking at me.”

“Am I wrong?”

“All the time.”

Gary turns away from the window, and finally looks at him. “James.”

Heat pools low in his belly. Even half asleep, Gary only knows one way to look at people—intensely, with a stare that would root lesser men to the spot. Combined with the growl in his voice—Jamie is only human. And a very tired human at that.

He spares one second to think about how everything could crumble down around his ears if the driver picks this particular moment to check his rearview mirror, and then leans forward and steals a kiss. It’s quick and soft, a peck more than anything, but he feels warm from head to toe when he pulls back, their hands still intertwined on the seat between them.

“What was that?” Gary sounds like he’s somewhere between wanting to kill him and wanting to kiss him again, so Jamie figures he’s in the clear.

“Unless we’re remembering nine years ago very differently, there’s only one way to celebrate this anniversary.”

“I remember it going a little differently,” Gary teases, and Jamie has just enough time to think oh are we—

Gary kisses him exactly like he first did then, tongue and teeth and fire, and every other thought disappears from his head. It takes every ounce of concentration Jamie has not to moan into it and give everything away, but he holds himself together, even manages to lift his free hand to cup Gary’s cheek—he couldn’t do that when they first met, but he can now, knowing it won’t be batted away. Sparks dance across his palm, even all these years later, at the feel of Gary’s skin beneath his own.

A bright red glow falls over them, and Jamie tries to pull back. Must be a traffic light.

But Gary holds him there, inches from his face, with nothing but the weight of that piercing gaze. “Happy anniversary, James,” he whispers, so close that Jamie can feel Gary’s breath hit his cheek and all but taste the words on his lips.

Jamie gives Gary just enough time to see that look in his eyes from quite up close, before saying with a smirk, “Did you kiss Scholes with that mouth?”

Back then, he nearly got decked to the floor for that. Today, Gary rolls his eyes with a huff (and it’s fond huff, Jamie can tell), and never even tries to let go of his hand.

They’ve come a long way in nine years. Jamie looks at the sky through the window, and he doesn’t see a shooting star, doesn’t even believe in that sort of thing, but he silently makes a wish for nine more.