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04mxfutbol · 1 year ago

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You Are In Love (Ashley Sanchez x Reader)

A/N: This was requested by @redbullfanatic and I just want to say that I loved writing this! (: I hope you like it, and I hope everyone does as well (: I also hope I did it justice 🫡 also I’m sorry this took me like forever to finish 😭 (crossing my fingers and praying I did it justice)

P.S I’m nervous sweating for this 🥲 lmaoo

Oh and I highly recommend listening to You Are In Love by Taylor Swift while reading this, and make sure the repeat one song option is on 👀

You never understood why people fell in love, never understood how someone could love another person so much. You certainly didn't think you'd fall in love with someone, or understand what everyone said about falling in love.

It never crossed your mind that you could fall in love, but seeing your friends, teammates, be in love with their significant other it started crossing your mind.

Crossing your mind just a little more often, crossing your mind every time you were with the one person who understood you more than yourself.

Your best friend.

It was a late night during the season. You and Ashley had drove to your favorite spot after training, where stargazing was the only time you two seemed to enjoy each others company just a bit more.

And although you both played for the same team, you both always seemed to be caught up on something new.

“You’re like literally the best, best friend I’ve ever had.” Ashley says as she lays her head on your shoulder.

“You’ve had others before me? I feel so betrayed, hurt.” You say jokingly. "Wounded."

“See you’re just the best.”

“Well I am the best.” You say with a smirk. "No one better than me baby."

“Easy now. Don’t be too cocky. I can easily give your spot to someone else.”

“Who? Trin? The girl who can’t cook to save her life. Who’d bake you your sweets when you’re sad.”

“Damn you're so right. I guess I'll have to keep you around." Ashley says jokingly.

"You guess? Wow. I didn't know this side of you Ash."

"You know I appreciate you."

"Appreciate me? Oof. Shot after shot Ash. Come on Ash you love me." You say wrapping your arm around her. "Say it."

"You're so weird sometimes." Ashley says as she pushes you away.

"You love me, say it."

"No."

"Say it."

"No."

"Say it."

"Y/N no."

"Come on Ash say it."

"Another day when you're not threatening me."

"Threatening? So dramatic." You say shaking your head.

Bickering. It's what best friends do. And it went on the whole night.

Ashley never gave in to your ‘threat’ that night.

But that was months ago.

- - - -

You always heard that being in love was something so unique, so magical, so special. They said that falling in love would make you understand what all the fuss was about.

Apparently it also made people crazy, which made you absolutely terrified. How can love make someone crazy? Crazy in love?

It terrified you, how could love make someone crazy? Fears of loving someone was always on your mind.

Because how is that possible? Is it even possible? To be crazy in love?

Is it?

Another question that was constantly crossing your mind.

"Are you listening to me?" Rose asks you.

"I am yeah." You say turning to face her, giving her all your attention.

"So as I was saying, I told Pinoe to grab me food before the game and she forgot it!" Rose shouts, hands on your shoulders as she shook you.

"Devastating." You say shaking your head.

"So much." Rose says with a sigh, defeated, she laid back on the couch. "I was hungry."

Some of the girls from the national team met at Trinity's apartment the night before the gala you would all be attending.

You glanced up and saw Ashley laughing at whatever Trinity was saying. Typical.

"So how's this side of the country treating you?" Rose asks you with a smile. "Good I hope?"

"Good indeed." You answer, looking at Rose with a smile. "I'm liking it here."

Rose smiled at you then looked up at the ceiling, you glanced at Ashley once again only to see that she was looking at you. She smiled at you, the look on her face seemed different, but nevertheless you smiled back and looked back at Rose.

"How's Seattle treating you?" You ask, leaning back on the couch beside Rose.

"You know what? I absolutely love it there, although I don't get enough sun as you can clearly see, but still I love it there." Rose says looking at you.

"Good, you deserve that. A city that truly appreciates you." You say, Rose smiles at you as she hugs you.

"You know Ash, I say tomorrow at the gala we find a good dancing partner." Trinity says as she puts her arm around Ashley.

"That's why I have you though? Right?" Ashley says confused.

"Oh, you're right, crap. Damn you're a terrible dance partner then." Trinity says and laughs.

"Fuck you." Ashley says with a chuckle as she punched Trinity on the arm.

"You're too easy to mess with." Trinity says.

"Whatever." Ashley says as she then glanced at you, but you were so focused talking to Rose you didn't notice.

The night went on for hours, yet you and Ashley had yet to catch up since you had gotten back from your trip. It would have to wait until the following night.

- - - -

It was finally gala night. Everyone dressed nicely, all ready to enjoy the night. Or at least get through the night.

"Are you okay? You're so out of it, come on we have to go inside."

"I'm fine, I'm just tired and want to be in bed."

"Typical."

You walked into the ballroom where many players of the league had already arrived. Luckily for you the gala was being hosted in the same city you played for.

So here you were, alongside your good friend Naomi.

“Nervous?” Naomi asks you as she walks right beside you.

“A little?” You say with a nervous laugh. “It’s our second year but having to socialize is not something I want to do.”

“At least you’ll be able to reunite with Ashley. She said you two haven’t talked since the season was over?”

“I’ve been busy.”

“Right.”

“I have!” You exclaim.

“You two play for the same team, what do you mean you’re busy. Also she’s literally your best friend.” Naomi says as she pulls you to the side.

“I have brand stuff.”

“You’re such a bad liar.” Naomi says shaking her head. “Come on let’s go take a seat.”

You followed Naomi, trying your hardest to not make eye contact with anyone because socializing was something you were trying to avoid.

“Y/N! Where were you! I thought we were coming together.” Trinity says as she hugs you from behind.

“I had to wait for Naomi to get ready, she takes a long time.” You say turning to look at Naomi.

“Don't try putting this on me, I didn’t take long, you were the one who couldn’t find their shoes.”

“Sounds about right.” Trinity says with a laugh. “Ash is looking for you. She’s been looking for you the whole time we’ve been here.”

“I forgot to text her I was getting here late.” You say as you pull your phone. “Yikes, I didn’t see her calls or messages. Whoops.”

“She’s with Sophia and Rose, I think they were grabbing drinks.” Trinity says and you nod.

“Alright, alright. Let’s get this started! Grab the person beside you and let’s dance!” The DJ shouts, as they put some upbeat music.

“Come on.” Trinity says pulling you by the arm and towards the dance floor. “You can look for Ash later.”

“My worst nightmare.” You groan as you’re pulled onto the dance floor. “I’d rather go get a drink.”

“Too late.” Trinity shouts as she starts dancing. “Come on Y/N, dance!”

"Isn't Ash your dancing partner?" You ask.

"Oh well, she's not here and you are, so for now dance with me."

You looked around and saw everyone dancing, you couldn’t just stand there like a statue. You took a deep breath and began to let go, the music filling your ears and you started to dance to the music.

“There we go!” Trinity shouts as she grabs your hands. “Ash is going to kill me for making you dance with me.”

“No she won’t.”

“Oh she most definitely will, she wants to talk to you.” Trinity shouts just enough for you to hear and you furrow your eyebrows.

“About?”

“She didn’t tell me but she said she wanted to talk to you. Seemed important if you ask me.”

“Huh.” You hummed.

“You two have been so weird. What secrets do you guys have hidden?” Trinity asks you which makes you laugh.

“There's no secrets.” You say confused.

Well it may have been a tiny lie. Well you kept a secret, not just from Trinity but also from Ashley, and well just about everyone.

After dancing with Trinity for a good amount of time, you stepped away and went to grab a drink. The lights were dimmed, just enough to know where you were walking.

Heading towards the bar, you bumped into teammates and friends, stopping and chatting before you finally got to the bar. Once at the bar you asked for a drink, non alcoholic, because you didn’t want to say or do anything you’d regret the following morning.

You grabbed your drink and stood in the back. Searching for Ashley.

As you took another sip from your drink you had finally spotted Ashley, who just so happened to look up. You smiled and waved at her, in the darkened room you could still see her beautiful eyes, she smiled at you and subtly waved at you.

“You know you can’t avoid her forever.” Naomi says, startling you.

“Oh my god, you scared me.” You say as you clutch your drink.

“You should tell her you know. You two have been best friends since like forever. Since before I met you, and I met you at college.” Naomi says. “You should tell her you l-.”

“Ah ah ah. I don’t know what you’re talking about. We’re best friends. We hang out together and we bake cookies sometimes. We watch movies and we cry together, well she cries to sad dog videos.” You say nonchalantly.

“Your eyes say something else.” Naomi says softly as she reaches for your hand.

“My eyes say I don’t want to be here.”

“If that’s what helps you get through the day.” Naomi says patting your back. "But if you were to ask me, I see something else."

You took another sip, thanking yourself as you chose correctly in asking for a non alcoholic drink. You looked around the room once again and saw Ashley from afar. But looked away as soon as she looked up.

Naomi caught a glimpse in Ashley’s eyes, her face. Naomi smiled as she looked at you.

“The eyes never lie.” Naomi whispers to you as she walks away.

Ashley looked at you the entire night. Wondering why you still hadn’t gone to talk to her.

“You told her right? That I wanted to talk to her.” Ashley asked Trinity.

“For the billionth time Ash, I did. I told her.” Trinity says. “Is it that important?”

“Not necessarily I suppose.” Ashley says with a sigh.

“You know what could help the whole you two avoiding each other for like a couple of weeks now?”

“What?”

“You maybe telling Y/N that you know.. you kind of, maybe, well.. that you l-.”

“Nope.” Ashley says cutting Trinity off before she could finish her sentence. “You give me terrible advice.”

“Says the one who can’t talk to her best friend because she’s too scared.” Trinity says.

“I’m not scared. I’m just waiting.”

“Waiting for what? A sign?”

“Maybe.”

“You got mad at her for taking her shirt off in front of you after you had flicked a ton of flour on her. Ash, babe. Best friends don’t get mad. Plus she’s done that plenty of times in front of you, in front of like everyone, like in the locker room when we all change. And for you to suddenly get mad.. Please, I’m not dumb.” Trinity says as she takes a sip of her drink. "Or blind. There's only one reason that could make it all make sense to me. And I'm sure I'm right."

"She's my best friend. If it's what I'm thinking you're thinking, you're completely wrong Trin."

"Friends to lovers, you gotta love that." Trinity says with a smirk. "On a serious note, who says she doesn't feel the same way."

"I say." Ashley says. "And I never said I feel that way."

"You kind of just gave it away. Also, I think you both feel it and know it deep down." Trinity whispers as she looks up and sees you talking to Naomi. “You both have that look, I just think neither of you realize it or maybe don’t want to see it. OR maybe you two are just clueless. You guys just need a little push.”

"I hate you." Ashley whispers.

"You gotta love me though, or else who would help sad little you." Trinity says patting the top of Ashley's head.

Later on in the night as you were sitting you felt arms wrap around you. You looked up and saw Ashley was the one hugging you.

“Hey.” You say as you hug Ashley back, grabbing her hands.

“Hey.” Ashley says with a smile.

“What’s up?”

"Nothing. Wanted to say hi." Ashley says as she lets go.

“Trinity said you wanted to talk?” You say.

“Oh yeah well I just wanted to ask you if you were coming but you’re here so my question has been answered.” Ashley says with a smile.

“Oh, well, do you want to go out and get some fresh air?” You ask and she nodded.

You grabbed your coat before walking out, knowing she’d get cold soon enough.

“What are they up to?” Sophia asks Trinity.

“I don’t even know anymore. They’re so not… themselves.” Kelley says as she grabs food off of Sophia’s plate.

"They do know we were right here, right?" Rose asks as she looked at the rest of the girls.

"I'm going to be honest, I highly doubt they even noticed us." Trinity says. "They seem to forget that there's other people around these days."

"What do you know?" Sophia asks Trinity, turning around to get a read on her face. "Oh you know something."

"I'm an observer yes, I'm also nosy. Unfortunately this time, I know nothing. Yet."

As you walked out, you both felt the cool breeze on your skin.

“I’m cold.” Ashley says immediately.

“I knew you’d say that, which is why I brought my coat.” You say as you help Ashley put on your coat.

“Thank you.” Ashley says with a smile, buttoning up the coat you had brought out for her.

“That’s what best friends are for.” You say with a smile. “Plus I know you always get cold.”

You both stayed silent, watching people walk by the street.

“So..” Ashley says filling in the silence.

“So?” You ask.

“The gala is great so far don’t you think?”

“Yeah, no it’s been great. I like seeing everyone I don’t usually get to see.” You say nodding.

There’s silence again.

You turned to look at Ashley, something in the look she had made, made you wonder so many things. Could it be? Were you just maybe imagining things?

Yeah. You had to be imagining things. Right? But maybe not? You couldn't prove it, but maybe, just maybe you were seeing just enough to know.

“I like your necklace it’s pretty.”

“Thank you, it was a gift.” Ashley says with a smile and you nod. “I’ve missed you. I know we see each other like a lot but I miss having my best friend around. So we can do things together.”

“Has Trinity not been of any help?” You ask.

“She’s a terrible baker.” Ashley says with a laugh, you laughed as well, knowing well that Trinity was in fact not a good baker.

“I’m sorry I’ve had to put you through such a difficult situation.” You say sarcastically. “You poor poor thing.”

“Shut up.” Ashley says with a laugh, as she lightly punched you. “But it’s been such a pain. I hope you don’t leave me for that long again.”

“I won’t I promise.”

“Good.”

You both smiled and stayed silent again.

The silence wasn't awkward, there was no tension. It felt nice, even though there was silence, you both felt at peace, felt comfortable.

Silence. But this time, this silence was beginning to feel different than before.

You were both realizing it. A different type of silence. A silence you both had never felt.

After a short while, standing in silence, you both walked back inside. But shortly after the Gala was over you had to talk to Naomi.

“Do you mind going with Trinity back to her apartment? Ash and I are going for a drive.” You whisper.

“Drive? Did you tell her that I said that the eyes never lie.” Naomi asks.

“No. We're just heading back to change real quick and then going on for a drive. We haven't seen each other in a while, you said it yourself. We're going to catch up." You say truthfully.

"Okay then. Don't be out too late though." Naomi says and you nod.

After the gala was over, you and Ashley went back to your apartment, changing into some comfier clothes, then heading back out.

"It's a beautiful night out." Ashley says as you drive.

"It always is." You say as you take a quick glance at Ashley who was looking out the window.

"So where are we going? We have lots of catching up to do." Ashley says turning back around.

“I say we go where we usually go. Deal?”

“Sounds great.”

"I do feel like this is going to be a long drive, should we maybe get coffee?"

"My weakness, yes please. There's a drive thru coffee shop a couple of blocks down, it's open 24/7."

"Well bless their souls for being open at midnight." You answer as you drive to the coffee shop.

Once you both had your coffee, you drove down to the closest but also furthest place from town, away from so many lights. To a beautiful scenic view.

You put your hand out, setting it on Ashley’s thigh.

“What?” Ashley asks as she takes a sip of her coffee.

“Hold my hand won’t you.��

“Why?”

“When did you start asking so many questions? You just take my hand. Just hold it you weirdo.” You say as you shake your hand.

Ashley held onto your hand, it felt like you were in high school again. Sneaking out to get snacks and going out for a drive.

The rest of the drive was left in a comfortable silence. Nothing out of the ordinary, just comfortable silence, and the sound of the wind coming through the windows.

You turned for another quick glance, but this time Ashley was looking at you as well. You smiled and looked back at the road.

"What?" Ashley asks as she started to giggle nervously.

"Nothing."

"You're being weird."

"I'm being weird? You're being weird." You say with a laugh.

At the next stop you turned and saw the light of the traffic light reflecting off of Ashley’s necklace.

“I like your necklace.”

“Well you gave it to me for my twenty second birthday.” Ashley says with a smile.

As you arrived, you took out the blanket out from the backseat.

“See I’m grateful you have a truck, but not those big ugly trucks. Just a cool, small truck.” Ashley says, you turn around and look confused.

“What?” You ask with a laugh. “It’s a Toyota Tacoma.”

“Yeah a nice truck.” Ashley says and you laugh.

You continue laughing as you open the back, placing the blanket, then go back to the backseat and grab some pillows.

“Come on.” You say as you extend your hand out to help her on.

Ashley grabbed onto your hand as she got on, coffee still in her hand. You both laid down, legs extended out as you both looked up.

“I love when we come out and stargaze.” Ashley whispers as she pulls on the second blanket. “It’s always so pretty.”

“To get out of all the noise in the city?” You ask.

“That and being able to just stare at the sky with you in silence. Because even when we’re hanging out and it’s silent it’s still so enjoyable.” Ashley says as she turns on her side to face you.

You sat up to take another sip of your coffee, no way you were sleeping anytime soon.

Ashley sat up as well, taking a sip from her coffee as well.

And although there was pure silence, somehow it was also loud.

Naomi’s words were stuck in the back of your mind the whole time, maybe that was what was loud.

“The eyes never lie.”

As you both sat up, Ashley looked down at her hands, she was fidgeting with her fingers. You knew that meant she was nervous.

“Hey, what’s going on? What’s making you so nervous?” You ask, but Ashley didn’t look up. “Ash? Look up. Look at me. What’s going on?”

You scooted closer to her as she looked up and your shoulders brushed against each other.

You grabbed her hand, while looking at her worryingly. Ash was never one to get nervous or anxious when you were around.

“The eyes never lie.”

Naomi’s words ringing in your mind. If there were a mute button on those words, you’d press it immediately.

“I-.” Ashley stopped herself from speaking, you furrowed your eyebrows. “I-.”

“Ash?”

For once Ashley couldn’t speak, couldn’t say what she wanted to say. She was starting to get irritated with herself.

You’re her best friend. Ashley thought. Why was it so hard to talk to you?

“Ash? Ash you’re kind of scaring me here.” You say, Ashley sighed as she placed her hand on your cheek.

That single touch, your heart felt like it was about to jump out.

Ashley was aware of what she had done but her mind, her heart was racing.

And in the silence, the look in each others eyes. You both could hear it, feel it.

While staring at one another, no one chose to speak.

Silence.

And in the silence, you knew. You both knew.

You cupped her face with your hands and then leaned in, connecting your lips with hers.

You both moved in synch, you couldn’t seem to pull away. Neither of you could pull away. As you both kissed in what seemed liked a long awaited kiss, the silence only made it so much clearer to you.

You were in love.

In love with your best friend.

Finally after pulling away, Ashley rested her forehead against yours, bumping her nose against yours, pecking your lips once again before actually pulling away.

Neither of you said a word, the silence seemed to say it all for you both. You grabbed her hand again and just closed your eyes for a few seconds.

The kiss wasn’t awkward, the silence was comfortable.

Ashley rested her head on your shoulder as you both looked at the view in front of you.

“I like you.” Ashley whispers.

“I like you too. If me reciprocating wasn’t clear.” You say softly making Ashley giggle.

You weren’t just going to admit you loved her, not like this. And although you definitely knew, you weren’t going to say those three words just yet.

Ashley smiled as she grabbed your hand, lifting it up and kissing the top of your hand.

Ashley felt her heart pound, but also feeling how at ease she felt with you. Holding your hand this time was not the same as before, this time she knew you had felt the same way.

The drive back was peaceful, comfortable. Still, neither of you had said another word but there seemed to be no awkwardness or tension.

It just felt right.

"I'm going to take you out tomorrow. A real date." You say right before you both went to your separate bedrooms.

"Let's see if you remember that tomorrow morning."

"I'll remember don't you worry."

As you both laid in your separate beds, the bedrooms across each other, you were both staring at the ceiling.

Ashley silently cheered as she kicked her feet against the mattress. She covered her face with a pillow, although no one could see her she hid as if someone could. Her smile never fading away.

You were smiling at the ceiling, hoping and wondering if Ashley was maybe just as giddy as you were. You pulled your blanket over your face, smiling as wide as you possibly could.

The two of you seemed to not get enough sleep. Replaying the entire night over and over in your heads. Or it was possibly the coffee you both had. Definitely the first thing though.

The following morning you got up bright and early to try and make breakfast, but seeing as you weren’t home for a while. There were barely any groceries, mostly just bread, so toast it was.

"Something smells burnt." Ashley says groggily as she lifted her head up from the table.

Burnt toast.

"I have a broken toaster, you can't blame me." You say turning around. It was a lie, well half lie. It was a broken toaster, but you had forgotten you had put toast. Too distracted by looking at her.

Messy hair and a smile on her face as she stretched.

"I like your shirt."

"Thanks it's comfy. Oh and yours." Ashley smiled as she spun around.

"My clothes do look good on you. Good sleep?"

"The best, oh and I'm keeping this shirt." Ashley says as she walks over to you. "Burnt toast on a Sunday type of day I suppose."

"It's my specialty." You say with a smile, Ashley stepped to the side and jumped on the counter. "I'll make a good breakfast with what I can find, and not burnt."

Ashley smiled as she swung her legs.

"Y/N?"

"Yeah?"

"Why do you have a target picture frame of a family stock photo on your coffee table."

"I haven't gotten to it yet okay? I can't find a worthy picture of going in the picture frame. It has to be nice, pretty, and something I love."

"So a family stock photo is better than an empty picture frame?" Ashley asks.

"Umm, yes."

"You're so weird."

"Well you kissed this weirdo last night." You say turning around to face her.

"Touché."

Although technically you two weren’t official yet, it felt like you two had been together for years now. I guess that's the advantage of being best friends for many years now.

You walked over to Ashley, a smile on both her face and yours. You stood in front of her, in between her legs, big smile on your face.

“I like you.” You say as you leaned in.

“I like you.”

“But we established that already didn't we." You say with a smile, Ashley simply nodded. "Date. Tonight."

"You remembered." Ashley says sounding surprised.

"Hey I keep my word, so tonight. Date?"

"Date."

"Great." You say then lean in to give her a small kiss.

You didn't know if it would get better than this, but if it did, then maybe you would understand everything everyone always said about being in love.

- - - -

Three months. Three months of being officially together, and you had to say they were by far the best three months of your life.

You asked Ashley to be your girlfriend on your third date, it was an unforgettable night.

Today though, today you were out with friends, and with your girlfriend beside you.

"You're so pretty." Ashley whispers as you walked behind the rest of the girls.

"You're beautiful."

Forgetting you were with other people, you stopped on the sidewalk to kiss her.

"We're going to leave you both here, with no ride home." Trinity shouts.

"Come on before they actually leave us." Ashley says pulling away.

"One more." You say with a smile, pulling her back into you and kissing her again.

"Y/N."

"I had to get one more." You say with a grin.

You walked hand in hand, swinging your hands as if you two were in your own little world. In your minds, you obviously were.

Today had made up from the fight you guys had the week before about some absurd miscommunication mishap. Well it wasn't absurd, you thought it was, which is probably why you had gotten into a fight, but you stayed up all night talking and trying to get Ashley to stop being mad at you.

So here you were, going shopping with her and the girls, and that meant buying her a few things. But buying her things isn't what Ashley wanted, she just wanted to spend time with you and your group of friends.

After a long shopping spree, you returned to your apartment. Which was becoming yours and Ashley's apartment, having more and more of her stuff magically appear. But you were loving it.

You loved her, but you weren't telling her yet, not yet. Because as much as it did, you knew those three words are so powerful and mean a lot.

As you got home the first thing you both had gone to do was lay on the bed, and as you both did, you both looked up at the ceiling, music in the background.

Ashley turned to look at you, a smile on her face as she saw you had closed your eyes.

She was going to say it, say those three words. Tell you that she has loved you all this time but didn't want to rush it, she was about to tell you that when she sees you all she feels is warmth and love.

But she held back, wondering if it was too early to say it.

But how could it be early when you both had loved each other for longer than you had initially thought.

Nevertheless you both didn't say it that night.

- - - -

Six months now, six beautiful months. It seemed like the more time passed by, the happier you got, you never thought this much happiness was real. You thought it was all fairytale talk, but it wasn't.

Ashley opened her eyes in the middle of the night, the thoughts in her head couldn't let her sleep. You were also awake, the thoughts in your head also couldn't let you sleep.

The both of you looked up at ceiling, not a single word was said as you held hands.

A few minutes later you both turned on your side, you both looked at each other, the look on Ashley's face was strange, different. You smiled softly at her as she still looked at you differently, you couldn't figure out the look on her face, but it didn't matter you still leaned into her touch.

"You're my best friend." Ashley whispers as she caresses your cheek. Leaning in to rest her forehead against yours. Her whole body seemed to relax in that moment.

It seemed like everything changed, and it definitely did.

You knew it then and there, her words, the strange look on her face, it all made sense.

You knew what it was.

You didn't say anything, you just embraced it all, the warmth, the pure bliss.

She was in love and so were you.

But neither of you had to say it, you both knew it right there. The moment she said it, she knew by your body language.

You both knew.

The silence filled the room again, but it was once again, a comfortable silence.

- - - -

One year. One year with Ashley and it was still as beautiful and magical as it was in the beginning.

So there you were, standing in the kitchen making breakfast for Ashley. You made pancakes with blueberries, trying your best to not burn anything this time.

As you finished plating the food, you felt arms wrap around you. You turned your head and kissed Ashley on the cheek.

"Good morning."

"Good morning, how long have you been up?" Ashley asks as she kisses your back.

"An hour at most." You answer as you flip the pancake.

"How are you not tired? We had training yesterday. And it was brutal."

"Oh I'm definitely feeling it, but nothing can stop me from making you breakfast." You say as you grab the plates and take them to the table.

"You could always sleep in with me."

"If I were to do that we'd be in bed until the afternoon because you never want to get out of bed." You say with a look.

"You’re acting as if you would actually get out of bed. You’re a liar. You know damn well you wouldn’t want to get out of bed either.”

“Okay true but my point still stands.” You say which resulted in Ashley making a weird face.

“No it really doesn’t.” Ashley says shaking her head. "Like at all."

You looked at Ashley, her smile could light up the whole city, you were sure of it.

The moment that went through your head you thought that was so corny, and mentally asked yourself, how did you get to this point?

So far everyone was right, love does make people crazy and apparently corny.

"Something smells burnt." Ashley says making your eyes widen.

"Crap. My toast."

"Oh the irony, burnt toast on a Sunday again."

“Well at least your pancakes are intact, my toast on the other hand, are definitely not intact. The price I pay for admiring you.”

“So it’s my fault?”

“Yes. You’re too distracting.”

“Was it my fault last week when you burnt your pasta? Because I can assure you I wasn’t home when that took place.”

“I was thinking of you.”

“You’re unbelievable.” Ashley says with a chuckle, slightly shoving you.

“You know, Trin says you keep a picture of me in your locker.”

“How can I not? I have one of you in my locker, in my car, in my wallet. The list goes on.”

“Ashley Sanchez is down bad everyone.” You say as you sit beside her. “And down bad for me.”

“You’re so right. I’m not even going to deny it.” Ashley says making you laugh. “But so are you, for me obviously.”

“I’d be crazy not to be.”

“You’re my person. I hope you know that.” Ashley says as she reaches for your hand. “And you always will be.”

“I feel the same way about you.”

Ashley smiled as she looked at you, her eyes shined in a way it had never shined before, eyes so bright and filled with love, admiration, everything.

Your heart was beating faster than normal, your eyes shined bright, you were sure your eyes were in the shape of hearts. How could someone be so beautiful, wonderful, kind, and just so utterly perfect. That someone was your girlfriend.

Even now you still couldn’t believe it.

After finishing breakfast, you both cleaned the apartment, and once that was finished you headed outside.

The entire front yard was covered in snow, the small attempted snowman was beside the door, rocks as the eyes and a piece of raw penne pasta as the nose. Ashley’s signature, as she couldn’t find a carrot in the fridge.

“I can’t believe it’s still snowing.” Ashley says as she looks up, eyes closed and tongue out as she tried to catch snowflakes.

“I can’t believe we train in this weather.” You say as you grab the snow shovel that was leaned against your car.

“Are you really going to shovel the snow right now? Come and make some snow angels with me.”

“If you want us to be stuck here tomorrow, sure.”

“It’s pre season training babe. Come, here I’ll even put some music on, I brought the speaker out. What do you want to listen to?”

“Anything you want.” You say as you shovel some of the snow while Ashley decided on a song.

“Great, Taylor Swift it is.” Ashley says as she presses play. “Now come, we don’t have to go in for training tomorrow.”

You looked up and saw Ashley dancing in the snow, you dropped the snow shovel and ran towards her. You lifted her up and spun her around.

The song playing didn’t register in your mind, so enchanted, so amazed, so mesmerized, and just so focused on what was currently happening.

All you heard was four words from the song.

You are in love

It was as if it was telling you, confirming it to you. What you were feeling was true and real. Then two more words confirmed it all.

True Love.

Ashley laughed as you spun her around, her hands in the air, you spun her around for a few more seconds before stopping.

You smiled, Ashley was still laughing at your antics of spinning her around.

Right then and there, you truly understood, you understood why people said falling in love was so magical, unique, so beautiful. You understood why people lost their minds.

Being in love was the best thing that could ever happen to someone.

Without even registering it, you said the three words you never thought you’d ever tell anyone. But you did.

“I love you.”

You understood why people fight for the person they love.

Because when you are in love, sometimes love can make you crazy. But in a good way.

You helped Ashley back on the ground, her hands went up to cup your face, a big smile as she read your face.

“I love you.”

You smiled as you wrapped your arms around her waist, pulling her in for a kiss. Ashley laughed as she pulled away, her eyes were watery as she looked at you like you hung the stars just for her. She loves you.

“I’ve wanted to tell you for so long, deep in my heart I just always knew I loved you.”

“That makes two of us.” Ashley says as she booped your nose. “I love you. I truly do love you.”

The fears of loving someone were no longer around.

Because you knew, you knew that you are in love.

“I love you."

The song continued playing and replaying over and over. Probably because Ashley didn't know she accidentally pressed the 'replay one song' option. But maybe it was a good idea, because it became your song.

And inside your shared apartment, one day in the next three years, the target picture frame of a family stock photo on the coffee table would be replaced by a picture of you both on your wedding day, for every guest in your home to see. Someone you love was placed in the picture frame, you just had to wait, and it was worth the wait. You always wanted a worthy picture to be placed, a picture of something you loved, in this case it was someone you love.

Your wife.

That is life now. And you were happy it was the way it turned out to be, because it's beautiful and wonderful, magical. You knew what it was from the beginning, and you know now what you feel.

You are in love. True love.

#ashley sanchez x reader #uswnt x reader #uswnt imagine #woso imagine

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the-queen-of-hell-666 · 1 year ago

Text

This is Wrong, but It Feels So Right

Kinktober 2023 - Day 2

Pairing: Stepbrother!Ransom Drysdale x Stepsister!Fem!Reader

Kink: Stepcest

Word Count: 1.4k

Summary: Your parents are away for whoever knows how long and Ransom decides to blast his music so you go to yell at him but find him in a compromising position.

Warnings: explicit language, explicit sexual content (vaginal sex, unprotected sex, creampie, slight d/s vibes, a hint of dubcon (but not really), riding, slight!sub!Ransom, male masterbation), brat!Ransom, yelling, cursing, stepcest, angst, slight fluff

a/n: Here is Day 2 of Kinktober! I'm sorry this is coming later in the day but I had to crochet for my business since I have an event coming up this weekend! Hope you enjoy this fic!

Banners by @vase-of-lilies

Your dad married your stepmom two months ago and her and her spoiled son, Hugh, or as he liked to be called Ransom, moved into your father’s modest two story townhouse. From the moment they moved in, Ransom had done nothing but complain about the house, the town, and everything that was subpar in his eyes. His stupidly blue eyes with his hard chest that he flaunts around the house and the stupidly hot noises that come from his room at night that made you all hot and bothered and above all frustrated that you had a stupid crush on him. He was a complete asshole to everyone which made you want to choke him out but also made you want to knock him down a peg.

You two were home alone while your parents were on another vacation paid for by Linda, your stepmother. You were trying to take a nap in your bed when you heard loud music blaring from Ransom’s room making you groan and roll over and cover your head. You banged on the wall trying to get him to hear you but to no avail the music didn’t stop. You climbed out of bed in your boxers and lace bra and stormed out of your room to his room right next to yours.

You banged on the door and yelled his name but no one answered and you tried the door knob and it was unlocked and you opened it. It swung open and you saw Ransom on his bed slowly stroking his stiff cock on the bed. You stopped for a second but shook it off and stormed in to turn off the music and Ransom spotted you and jumped up with a pillow covering his cock.

“What the hell are you doing?!” Ransom roared as he saw you turning off his stereo.

“I’m trying to nap because I have work tonight! But you wouldn’t know about that, would you, you fucking brat?!” You yelled matching his energy and he rolled his eyes.

“You think you’re so better than me just because you’re miss goody two shoes!” He scoffed and you huffed and crossed your arms.

“Well, I didn’t grow up with a silver spoon in my mouth! I know I have to work for what I want! Not just ask mommy!”

“You’re such a bitch!” He growled and that was the last straw of your resolve.

“I’m so tired of your attitude! Obviously no one taught you a fucking lesson! So I will.” You growled before you jumped on him and kissed him passionately. He froze as you kissed him with your legs wrapped around his waist. You pulled back to look up at him. “What’s wrong?”

“What do you think you’re doing?!” He said outrageously and tossed you on his bed.

You landed with an “Oof,” and you leaned on your hands, “I’m putting you in your place.” You growled and yanked him down to kiss him again and he fell on top of you. His hands reached out to hold himself up and he pulled back panting.

“This is wrong.” He huffed as he looked down at you.

“So? Our parents are never fucking home, they won’t notice. They don’t even notice us now. So why not have some fun?” You smirked as you pulled him closer to you and kissed him deeply.

He hesitated before huffing, “Fuck it. Always wanted to see what’s under these flimsy clothes.” He smirked and wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you up against his chest.

You smirked as your hands slid up his chest and wrapped your arms around his neck and yanked him close. “Good man.” You purred against his lips and his hands ripped your bra from your body and leaned down to kiss on the swell of your breasts. You ran your fingers through his hair pulling him close to your chest. He smirked against your skin as his hands ripped off your boxers then wrapped his arms around your waist and flipped you two over. You straddled his lap and bit your lip as his hard cock slid in between your folds.

His hands gripped your waist and pulled you down to grind against his cock making you moan and you yanked him down to kiss him passionately. He groaned against your lips as your soaked cunt dragged along his length.

“All this for me, babygirl?” He smirked as your juices soaked his length making him groan at the feeling.

You purred softly, “Mhm. Even though you frustrate the hell out of me, you’re so sexy.” You hummed as you pulled him closer to you and continued to grind against his cock. He growled against your lips and you smirked and shoved him back against the pillows and you reached back to pull his cock up and you slid down on his thick length making you moan out his name. “Fuck, no wonder those girls scream for you.”

He chuckled as his heavy hands landed on your hips and pulled you further down on his cock. “Maybe you should’ve interrupted sooner.”

You rolled your eyes before you grasped his wrists and pinned them over his head. “Enough talking. I’m supposed to be taking my frustrations out on you.” You giggled as you started riding him slowly, teasing him as you rode him. “Mm, you’re such a brat but god, if you can’t be generous.” You sighed happily as you sunk down and moved up in a steady movement. The pleasure was toe-curlingly good which made breathy moans leave your lips.

He hummed at your words and gave you a cocky smirk, “I do aim to please.” He purred as he playfully pushed against your hands and you leaned down to kiss him passionately.

“You’re such a liar but you more than make up for it.” You smirked and pulled up to sit back on his cock taking him even deeper and you started moving faster. “Now enough talking.” You purred as your hands kept his wrists pinned. You moved quicker up and down on his cock letting out moans as your eyes rolled back with pleasure. One hand reached up to cup your breast and play with your nipples as Ransom laid under you, taking the pleasure you gave him.

He moaned and groaned as your walls squeezed him tight with every movement. Your juices soaking him even more, dripping down his balls making him moan louder. You leaned down to kiss his lips and you released his hands and they immediately went to your ass and helped move your hips up and down. You moaned his name as you felt your orgasm growing in your lower belly, your walls pulsing around him bringing him closer to his own release.

“Fuck, baby, gonna cum. Wanna fill you up. Can I cum in you?” Ransom rambled against your lips with a slight whininess to his tone that made you smirk.

You sped up your pace riding him faster making him moan louder and he started whining your name as he got close. “Good boy. I knew you’d whine for me. Making all these pretty noises.” You smirked as you felt your release grow closer and you cried out as the tip of his cock slammed into your sweet spot making you see stars. “Fuck, cum for me, baby. Be a good boy and cum in me.” You purred against his lips as you moved faster moaning his name as you reached your peak. You cried out his name as your thighs shook around his hips. Ransom yelled your name as he came hard with you pinning your hips down against him and his warm cum filled you up.

You let out a contented sigh as you slumped against his chest, his arms wrapped around your waist and rubbed up and down your back. “You know, I don’t usually go for this cuddly, lovey dovey, crap.” He said as his hands rubbed your back and down to your ass.

“No shit. I’m the one who has to tell the poor girls you won’t call them back.” You scoffed as you nuzzled under his chin.

“I mean, that you bring out the soft side in me and it pisses me off and yet I like it.” He sighed as he nuzzled into your hair.

“Well, get used to it, cause I’m not letting you go.” You hummed as you laid flush against him.

He chuckled, the sound rumbling his chest, “Good.”

#fanfic #fandom #fanfiction #ransom x y/n #ransom drysdale #ransom x reader #ransom fanfic #ransom smut #ransom drysdale x female reader #ransom drydale x you #ransom drysdale x reader #knives out #kinktober

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ramblingroommate · 9 months ago

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Part 3 (part 1 & part 2)

Only his fourth month on the job? Oh he’s new new, that’s interesting! And explains why he’s taking this so bad, poor baby

I have to say this also puts that whole stealing the truck thing in a different context. From the way they were talking I was under the impression he had a long history of doing things like that (like he had been working with them for a year or two), but he just started working there so it probably was the first time he did something so dumb. He fucked up once Bobby let it slide, he did it a second time he fired him. Oh my god he got fired after four months on the job

It was deserved but still. It also makes sense that he was so sorry about everything and said he realized in that moment how much he cared for the job.

Oh baby no don’t say that. Yikes.

He’s taking the guy’s death so hard and it’s clear he’s angry because he wishes he could have saved him, but going to his funeral and telling his sister it’s his own fault he died that’s just… oof

Yeaaah, that’s pretty much what I expected after what Buck said. Still hurts tho

This episode has been brutal on Buck

I LOVE how Bobby handled this. He knew immediately what was off but didn’t address it while on the job and with a person’s life on the line. Too often this kind of shows do exactly that to up the tension, but it always takes me out. This reaction just feels more realistic to me.

And now they address it! Love it.

Also “I know I let you down”? They really want me to feel for Buck, huh? Cause it’s working

LOVE this scene where they communicate without talking. I’m actually really liking this episode in general! It already feels like a step up from the first one.

It probably has to do with the much more realistic calls and discussions they are having, they’re more my cup of tea

Buck tried out for the Navy SEALs, interesting tidbit of backstory. I like when info get sprinkled in like this, instead of being dumped all at the same time when a storyline requires it.

Also really liked the explanation of something as horrifically tough as the navy seals giving him trouble not for the physical torture of it all but because of the emotional repression required

If Buck is one thing it is a caring person who takes things at heart. Makes sense he dropped out because he couldn’t be just a machine

This is Buck’s character in a nutshell. Wanting to be cool and tough yes, but most of all wanting to help.

I have to say it’s interesting to see which characters they are focusing on and developing more in these first two episode. Bobby is probably number one, closely followed by Buck and Abby. Maybe it’s all those Bs in their names lol

Talking about going to therapy after a traumatic event? In a tv drama? IS THIS A FUCKING MIRACLE?

I’m shocked, these shows -almost every show actually- usually pretend they’ve never heard of therapy so they can keep their characters traumatized and the tension high

You and most men, honey. It’s cultural upbringing

Also, that’s an extremely attractive therapist… are they going to get together later down the line? I hope not

Wait what? We just… cut away?

Alright, I get it. They’re going back and forth between Buck’s therapy and Athena and her husband’s.

I got really confused there for a moment lol

So her main grievance is that Michael made her feel like a fool and not that he lied to her for decades.

….

Actually, I love that lol. It makes sense with her character: as a proud black woman on the force, she probably has had to use her confidence as a shield for quite a long time. The last thing she wants is show everyone that she was blindsided and “fooled” by her own husband

Oww that’s actually really sweet. When she’s out of her uniform she shows a much more compassionate side. I like that the show is drawing this difference very clearly

It also makes the whole “I always knew you were gay” trope (which I usually hate) a little bit better in this case

And we’re back with Buck! I have to say I’m not loving this back and forth, I forget what they were talking about by the time we switch back. The talks on their own are really well done which is why I don’t want to lose any pieces

This also makes more sense: they have lost people since Buck joined but it was more along the lines of “we got there and there was nothing we could do”. Now that I think about it didn’t a woman jump in the first episode? But in that case Buck wasn’t directly involved. This was the first time they got there in time, he got involved, did everything right and the guy still died. It probably feels very unfair (like “I did everything right, why didn’t he do his part?”)

Okay Michael has my attention now! I didn’t really care about him in the first episode, I don’t know why. He just felt kinda… off? His behavior just came off as weird to me. Too forcefully happy and positive. It’s okay to be happy because you finally feel comfortable enough coming out, but you’re also an adult and know this change won’t be easy on your children right away and might take some time getting used to. He was acting like he expected everyone to be over the moon for him and celebrate right away (I understand wanting to be accepted but you’re basically telling your children their parents are getting a divorce, pump the brakes).

This conversation makes me like him a lot more tho, peels back that mask of forced optimism and reveals some of his hardships

Also he has a boyfriend!!! Things get spicy

I was wondering when we would get here! Buck definitely blames him which is a natural response/defense mechanism to that kind of traumatic event. It’s also true that there may be a million different reasons why that guy decided to let go and we’ll never truly know. Sometimes not knowing is what makes us get stuck, prevents us from moving on. But we do need to move on anyway. I wonder how they’ll go about this

…

This is not what I was expecting

And now they’re having sex… why do you do this to me? It was going so well, I actually let myself hope they wouldn’t do this. It was an empty dream, if there is a young attractive woman in a show then she’s going to have sex, no matter how unprofessional

“I feel so much better” yeah because you used sex to feel better in the moment and avoid taking a deeper look at the underlying problem.

Is this trying to hint again at Buck being a possible sex addict? I’m still confused about that

Is the rope attached to the guy in the show or is that for the stunt and was left in?

It’s not present in the next scene so definitely a stunt rope that wasn’t hidden! I like when I can catch small mistakes in shows

Also this whole scene was hilarious

I love Bobby’s approach to the whole situation. The first time he noticed Buck’s hesitation he didn’t push, talked to him privately and gently, recommended he talk to a therapist and now he starts to push him (still gently) to get over his fear. Loving Bobby’s character so far

Aaaaand I need to make a part 4 because I reached the pics limit 🥲

Will definitely need to change some things around for next episode so I don’t do so many parts

#ro watches 911 #911 s1e2 #911 season 1 #911 #911 fox #911 show

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misc-obeyme · 1 year ago

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Hey there! Just wanted to drop in and say that I actually got the ring of light (yellow gold coating) from U-treasure, and along with the stupidly high shipping prices I heard that World Shopping gives you along the process (assuming it’s true), the total will come to be about ~$150-165. The product itself was ~128 😭

That is to say that u-treasure is (prob) a menace for partnering with World Shopping for international shipping. I get that they’re using quality (ish?) materials but the shipping is. Interesting. (World Shipping is one that charges relatively more than others like Zen Market(?) or From Japan, I’ve heard)

And yes this is an incoherent ramble but I also wanted to say that Obey Me also came out with an 18k gold w/ melee diamond ring of light that I never knew existed until I randomly found that U-Treasure actually brought back the rings + Luci stand that goes with it for the month of February. Not sure if this means it’ll be back in upcoming years again? Devs I’m pretty sure said it was limited edition but hm…

Oh man I'm a bit jealous, ngl! I saw the Ring of Light and I was like listen... it'd be so cool to own that. But I just cannot justify spending that amount of money on merch like this. Especially since I already have a budget in place for the game itself.

Like I'm allowed to spend a certain amount on the game what with the vip and the occasional dp purchase and that's it. I've obtained some merch, mostly fan made stuff. And that's just extra stuff that I'm like okay I feel okay about buying these things because they make me happy.

If I had more disposable income, you can bet your ass I would have bought the Ring of Light just for the Cool Factor. But yeah it's expensive already due to the gold and stuff and then add those shipping costs and OOF.

But that's just me! I'm always excited for other people being able to get them! I hope it's every bit as cool as it looks online and that you've enjoyed having it despite the horrible shipping prices!

I know very little about shipping company options but my experience is that shipping is always stupid expensive. I guess they can go with whatever company gives them the best deal. It's not like you'd be able to shop around for a Ring of Light somewhere else with better shipping prices lol.

Sometimes limited edition stuff makes a comeback, so perhaps they'll bring it back for a bit! But sometimes it never does. I think it depends on how popular it was the first time around. Like if they think they can sell everything from a second run, they might do it!

Anyway, I hope everyone who has purchased a ring from U-Treasure has obtained a good product that makes them happy and reminds them of their favorite brother! Or uh in the case of the Ring of Light reminds them of Luci. Or just the game in general lol!

#I really love the merch I have obtained #I like standees a lot #but there are not many of Barb out there #and I might have more if he had more merch #obey me #anon asks #misc answers

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greenerteacups · 2 years ago

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Hello! I wanted to let you know how amazing your fic is, it seems my life now revolves around Friday mornings. I think it may be one of my favorite series ever, not just fics, your stuff is better than most published works I have read. I really could go on and on. Suffice to say, thank you x1 million for just putting this out there for us.

I had a couple curiosities! Is it ever hard to restrain yourself and just post 1 time per week? Or is that necessary for your creative process?

Also, your fic is rapidly growing in popularity, do you ever get worried about how that might change your audience?

Thank you again for the amazing thing you've written, I feel super lucky to be reading it in real time because I know this is going to be one of those legendary classics.

Thank you so much! You're wonderfully kind, I really appreciate it, and I hope I can live up to your expectations!

Weekly posting: Posting once a week is actually something I started for my own sanity — posting it regularly/serially is better for audience response, so there's a natural incentive to do it, but it also gives me more time to write ahead. And having all of a book prewritten in advance is really important for me creatively, not only so as to avoid the possibility of cliffhangers, but also to feel immune from the pressure to change the story based on what audiences want.

Growing audiences: Oof, it's been wild. I've been sort of boggled by the response to my little fic; it was entirely unexpected and the most I can do is work hard to deserve it. For the most part, an increasing audience has been a wonderful, wonderful thing, and I've been so grateful for everyone who's been offering support and praise. I'm seriously insanely lucky. My only point of frustration is that, in general, as a fic grows, readers seem to perceive increasing distance between themselves and the author. For instance, people in my comments have increasingly started to address each other instead of me, or have left comments seemingly without the expectation that I'll read them. But when someone comments on the fic, they're still sending that message directly to the author, and I think that some people might... well, they either don't know that, or they don't care. Like, the audience/author distance might be greater than it is for a fic with only 300 hits, but it's not like I'm a showrunner, or some other media production bigwig who'll probably never see 99% of the feedback generated by fans; it's still my pet project that I read basically every scrap of feedback for.

And sometimes (rarely — most of my comments are just so wonderful, and I don't want to sound ungrateful, but) people do say weird or unnecessary things. One comment for the last chapter read, "if krum dies im gonna drop this fic ngl," and that just irritated the hell out of me. Like, if that's your opinion, cool. Your reading habits are none of my business, and I sincerely encourage everyone who needs to take a break from Lionheart — or, hell, even loses interest — to go find something that sparks joy instead. Reading fic should bring you pleasure. No hard feelings, swear to God.

But my frustration with that comment, in particular, was: you do realize that you've sent that message directly to my inbox, right? You realize that was the first thing I read when I opened my comments section after a long afternoon of writing? Someone directly informing me, the author, that a narrative decision (which, either way, I already made about 4-5 months ago) will lose me a reader? And how does this person expect me to react? "Oh, no! I have to go back and rewrite 90,000 words of the story — God forbid I lose you, Single AO3 User Who Left No Other Comments! How can I live with myself if you're not here??"

It's just a bit frustrating. And, to the point — I say this politely, with respect — but if you seriously can't handle seeing characters die, then maybe don't read the fanfiction that's rewriting a series where very many characters die. Just a thought.

#someone left a similar comment after I posted Chapter 30 #which just made me roll my eyes #these clowns act like they're the author's personal muse #'unfortunately i am no longer enjoying your fic and i must stop reading' ok? have you mistaken me for your book club president?#anyway. thank you for a kind ask sorry it got salty at the end

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vicekillx · 1 year ago

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UPDATE: 2024

Usually I make these kinds of post around New Years, but this year I didn't really have anything to say. But now we're a month in and I definitely do.

I feel…different, this year. In a good way, I think. I feel like I'm tired of being complacent and riding coattails. This month has been a whirlwind of getting my shit in line. So far I:

handled two serious family crises smoothly and picked myself back up quickly from both

called my health insurance (phone calls have historically been an hours-long meltdown-inducing debacle for me) twice to switch my PCP because the previous one was consistently booked 3-6 months out and she just forgot to mention the inhaler I pulled out of my bag to show her at my first appointment so I couldn't get a refill on it or my nebulizer when I had COVID; that's been getting put off since August of last year

made an appointment with said new PCP for Feb 1, and I'm hoping they'll be able to refer me to a dentist and optometrist because I desperately need both

got back into therapy with an autism/ADHD specialist who can help me manage those specifically after my previous therapist didn't understand why I couldn't just Do It™; also have assessments lined up for both to get diagnoses

pay more attention to my health in general, including diet and exercise. I'm already down about 10 lb

restructured my planner to include a mood tracker and sleep tracker, and have been better about staying on top of it

got Trello up and running and so far it's working really well for me

have been doing my house chores more consistently, namely cleaning litter boxes and taking care of my snakes and tarantulas (roommates have been picking up my slack but they shouldn't have to, they're my animals)

am able to work more consistently on my designated work days; before it was a lot of chipping away and putting things off rather than sitting down and making actually decent progress

am finally starting a tattoo sleeve I've wanted for a very, very long time as a belated birthday gift to myself

am consistently filling stream sketch slots, which means I can actually make money and pay my bills on-time (and a huge, huge thank you to everyone who signs up, I'm pretty sure this is the primary reason I've been able to pull myself out of the hole. Financial stability is a hell of a drug)

This year I wanna try really hard to keep the train moving along this track. If things keep going the way they are, I could potentially make some pretty big changes in the not so distant future. Some things I'm brainstorming:

UnholyFans

merch other than stickers (seriously I have so many designs in mind, I just haven't had the drive to work on them or the upfront capital to order inventory)

more monster/demon adoptables

I would really like to collab with some other artists, it's been too fuckin long

website restructure

picking up my side business (I did literally zero pieces for it last year oof), ideally with a rebrand

get back into conventions and try some new crowds: reptile/exotic expos, tattoo conventions, oddities expos, sex conventions, BDSM groups…

push the stream setup to be more professional

rekindling the spark for my personal stories and headworld projects

more I have written down somewhere but can't think of off the top of my head

And to be clear, I'm optimistic, but also a realist. I know from experience that shit changes and I could hit a massive depressive slump in a month or two and be back to where I was for most of last year. I'm still not going to promise anything I'm not confident I can deliver. However, that doesn't mean I shouldn't try.

I already got sidetracked with this post, so I'm gonna make a second to get to my original point and I'll come back and add a link to this one when I do. But suffice to say I want to try - again - to breathe some kind of life back into my SubscribeStar. I have some ideas in mind, but I want to hear yall's opinions on it too.

Watch this space ♥

#vice says #update

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queerfables · 11 months ago

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911 season 5 liveblog part the end

5x15

Heh I knew this lady was full of shit about this house being hers. I hope she doesn't die for it though.

Ugh her face T_T

"Don't you wonder about stuff like that?" "Not really" lol Eddie you liar

I need Maddie and Chimney to get back together I miss them

Ugh the fact that they are so good to each other even though they broke up

Oh no I'm so emotional over Buck saying Maddie raised him. They're so much I love them

Man the fact that May is asking Athena's advice about a big life decision shows how much their relationship has grown and that is really down to Athena working hard to give May the space to be her own person, I'm so proud of her for that

Aaah Hen did a great job saving that guy

Man, I've been thinking about how this show used to let them lose more people and how it's lost some of its zing when it always feels like everything is gonna be ok. But ugh I really did not want it to be this one!!

This is so sad oh no

Ugh the two younger girls excited about going in the fire engine but the older one knows

Oh i like this conversation between Eddie and May, the two of them bonding over the ways their lives have been changed by trauma

Heeee Hen and Karen doing extremely silly detective work together

Oh no Maddie and Chimney getting to celebrate a baby milestone together!!!

Oh jeeze seeing those kids walking on the hill together with their dad made me cry again

5x16

I fucking hate Claudette stealing the credit from May the worst

Aw Bobby. I love that you wanna protect May but please listen to Athena (and lol I can't believe she's the voice of reason in this)

Do not fucking "sweetie" her

Heeee Josh has a cruuuush

Oh the other guy likes him too I think

Yaaay I have missed seeing Eddie in action

Claudette is such a dick, with most of the characters even when they're not being their best selves I still love them but she makes it really hard. I hate the way she treats May.

"Today you're a guest in this house" "ugh, he's been waiting months to say that" lmfao

Oh man nothing better happen to Albert, jeeze, Chimney can't go through that again

Enjoying seeing Eddie and Buck being partners again

Jesus everyone's reliving the worst moments of their life huh?

Gosh what a lovely Bobby & May moment

"Wait, that's my dad" I'm gonna cry

Oh a beautiful Chimney and Albert moment too

Oof, yeah, Taylor has figured it out

Huh, and it seems like she's more worried about Buck than herself? That's a surprise

Oh no??? Claudette didn't make it?? That's so sad. I don't hate her less but I'm still sad about her dying.

Jonah's reaction was a bit weird but. honestly however someone processes that kind of thing, I feel like it's hard to say what's normal.

5x17

Oh, May. Of course you feel responsible but it wasn't your fault.

I love Chimney being very concerned about Hen's weird theory but ultimately believing her

Buck and Eddie screentime! They're being cute

A project from the MAYOR that was a way too enticing lie

Oh that is such a cute story about Eddie trying to drive his mum to the hospital

Oof it's no wonder this story is getting to Taylor though, someone whose job it is to save lives using their expertise to hurt them instead, that's gotta feel familiar with her family history

Jesus that is the most terrifying call please tell me Jonah doesn't have Hen's family

Oh NO the moment that Hen said he sounded jealous, I figured it out

Because I love Hen and Chimney's relationship so much, this set up is like crack to me

Oh thank goodness

Great unspoken communication guys you really pulled it off

Oh Buck is pissed at Taylor

Lol at Chimney and Hen both being like "whaaaat I'm fine"

"I'm all in, ride or die, just unhook me and help me find my pants" they're so good. I love their friendship so much.

5x18

Why is Bobby riding the ropes

Oh my god the cliff is going down

Jesus fuck that's not good

Oh Buck is feeling real betrayed by Taylor right now

Tiny human!!

Aw Chimney trying to be supportive of Maddie dating again but she just wants to go back to work

Urg God where did he get the hair

OH NO UGH the morgue??????

Aw my little boy and I are cuddling and watching our shows on our own devices but he keeps getting distracted and watching mine. it's just cute. And he's so good at cuddling I love him so much.

"When did you two kiss??" LOL BOBBY

Oh no the guy doesn't remember anything about his wife or the baby they're about to have

Wow, Taylor, "I'm sorry you're still upset about that" is soooo not an apology (I'm so happy she's going back to her douchebag roots)

Oh wow Buck ended things

Eddie checking in on Bobby T_T soft

Oh Bobby you should tell him you don't want to be alone right now. Even if he can't stay he would help you find someone who could

Ohhhh Bobby I'm so proud of you, and so happy that Eddie showed up right when you needed him

Aaah Hen and Karen surprise vow renewal!!

Oh my gosh and Nia's there too T_T

Man when Buck gave Taylor the homing beacon braclet I couldn't help thinking it would be a great story for him to have to find her after they broke up and now they have broken up I'm really hopeful they might actually do something with that

(I would give serious bonus points for it to be post a Buck+Eddie get together but I'm still not quite ready to hold my breath for that)

Eddie!! Eddie's back at the 118!! Finally

#911 abc

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ask-the-badman · 1 month ago

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"There ya go, easy boy..." and what a weight he was against her, it's like he weighed double as a sick man. Even with just half his weight on her, it was almost like being crushed. But she wasn't complaining either— the weight of a man, sick or in health was a welcomed one. Especially with his face nuzzling into her inviting and warm bosom, arms wrapped around her.

She may as well have felt like a stuffed animal, torn between that and some shit for semblance of a mommy.

"Sure you can't smell much either," she wanted to make a joke and say that not he could very well to begin with, with how his shack is always in a funk... but the man tracks humans for sport. Smells them like he's a damn bloodhound. "Actually," she turns to look down at him with interest, "I wonder how much you can still smell," a laugh.

But damn, was he ever warm... warmer. Just having his head in her tits made her feel like they'd melt off.

"It's like curling up with a hot slab of concrete," she sighed, still helping him nurse from the booze bottle, fingering his hair. "Yknow, I bet I could offer you something better to drink."

( I died again too. Caught a nasty virus and wiped me out for a good couple of weeks! And then slid right into that time of the month before I've even made a full recovery. What bullshit.

You say only February, but January lasted a solid 3 months for me, I swear. I'm celebrating February! So sorry to hear about your hospital visit, though. But I'm so glad it helped you and you can start to actually feel better now! I know my belly is still doing flips and flops, but I'm so relieved the worst of it is over. Still, I wish I'd just stop generally feeling like I've got an upset stomach.

However, still hankering for new family cosmetics... I've been too sick to play recently, yet again... but I can't say I'm a big fan of the new bubba skin. But tbf, it feels like he only gets one skin drop a year. Family cosmetics take too damn long for it to just be a simple recolor / redesign for 3 dollars... I need them to start making literal recolour packs of the same skin like victims get because what the heck. I need more. MORE. Give us like a signature cosmetic and like a recolour drop because I can't stand waiting months for another bad Sissy skin. And Johnny's only had his button up... or maybe they should start selling family packs so we get something new for everyone at once. I'm thirsty for content like you wouldn't believe. )

Johnny made a grumpy huffing sound from around the bottle while turning his weary attention up at her, sniffling some. The sound thick and noisy, clearly clogged up with gunk but somehow getting some of it to clear. Not a lot, but enough to catch the scent of the booze he was drinking down and whatever fragrance the woman babying him was wearing.

He hummed again, certainly feeling like a hot slab of something while sweating through his shirt. His hair damp at the back of his neck and around his temples from the heat of his fever, but nothing a cold beer couldn't, slightly, sooth.

At the offering of 'something else', he crooked a curious brow, still drinking down the last remnants of the beer before pulling away with a lick of his lips to ask, "Oh yeah? An' what might that be?"

He returned his cheek to her breast, enjoying the squish of it against his faintly stubbled jaw and how much cooler she felt to his heated skin. His arms readjusting to cling and hold around her, practically using her like a plush stuffed animal.

(Oh oof... that's rough. I'm sorry that's happened to you, just feels like this year is out to get us with the way things are going but things should be looking up soon. Hope you get better, I'm mostly okay. Still sore from it all..

God please... More skins or even just recolors would be glorious. Also agree, wasn't fond of the remake of TCM or its Bubba, but I would take DivaFace from TCM4 Next Generation, he needs to slay. I know I have my BADMAN Johnny mod but if they dropped a normal recolour of his Razor Sharp in pink or even black, that would be amazing. But yes... Gun plz, more Family content. I will drop so much money...)

#johnny slaughter #johnny sawyer #ask the badman #tcm game #johnny rp #dommymommy rp #rp #sick boy johnny

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strongbookthoughts · 4 months ago

Text

Notes on A Fate Inked in Blood by Danielle L. Jensen

Oof, I got all the glare from the library plastic in that pic, didn't I? Well, I'm not in the mood for a photography struggle, so that's what we get today.

Before the cut, I'm just gonna say the book ends on a cliffhanger, and the next one comes out in May 2025. Is that a spoiler? IMO, not with the state of modern publishing.

Anyway, I'm gonna ramble a bit, rather than really write a professional looking review. Small spoilers ahoy.

Look, I just really hate when the first book in a series ends on a cliffhanger that makes it feel like fucking nothing in the book has been resolved. Were little things along the way resolved? Sure, but this one had, like, no emotional "thing achieved!" checkmark because the cliffhanger wipes out so much of the accomplishment. And I gotta wait 6 months, with no promise that the author won't do it again.

So anyway, I'm salty about that.

I also struggled to keep reading at the start of the book. I think this one is a compliment to the author's skill, tho? Freya, the main character, has a lot of moments of feeling really helpless at the start. And I think that's an important part of her story, but I was hoping for some delightful escapism from some shit I feel helpless about. So that hit really hard. Once I get invested enough, it was easier to just push past those moments.

I really enjoyed almost all the world building! It's been ages since I picked up anything with strong viking/norse vibes, so a lot of that felt really fresh to me. I liked the kinds of magic that existed. I did side-eye the bit where everyone seemed to have war horses. I'm really curious about the implication that other lands, with other gods, would have different magics, but it was such a throw-away line that it might never come into play in the series. And there's lots more that could be revealed without going abroad.

There was a nice balance on the political scheming, where deeper things were for sure happening, but Freya's ability to see and understand were limited, so the story didn't get drowned in delicate maneuvering. Political machinations miiiight go up in book two? Or maybe Freya will get better at killing her problems? IDK, either way it could be interesting character growth.

I'm a little reluctant to call this a romantic fantasy because of the trope expectations I have for romance novels. I expect romance series to have a different main couple for each volume. And usually the vibe that the couple/romance aspect of the story is done for that pairing. Ugh, idk, this is currently listed as a two book series on amazon. So maybe it's just a story that's too long for one volume.

On the other hand? Could absolutely call this one horny fantasy. Seriously. So much horny.

#book review #romantasy?#fantasy #norse gods #cliffhanger #spoilers #probably spoilers?

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skaruresonic · 6 months ago

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If a person who's basically Lanolin's creator is willing to give her this much near-villainous dialogue, I'd fully expect her to become a villain in the actual comic. I can definitely picture her trying to turn all of Restoration against him just because she personally doesn't understand (and doesn't want to understand) him at all. I know that's (most likely) not the path they have for her but still.

Also dunno how much you know of star wars but she really reminds me of that equally snooty commander lady in return of the jedi.

Yeah, people keep saying maybe Lanolin will turn out to be a villain but like, that's not going to absolve her of her nastiness right now, nor retroactively make her writing more entertaining.

It might contextualize her behavior, but it won't be such a dramatic improvement that it'll elevate the writing to a higher standard of quality. They keep receiving chances to give us A Reason(tm) to explain why she's Like This, and the fact that they miss every single one tells me they're more content with letting fans fill in the blanks themselves.

And... no. I'm not doing their job for them. They're the writers here. They need to quit being lazy and write something coherent for once.

I just need one line of explanation to put everything into context and scrub my hands of her forever, but we don't have that, and it's likely we'll never get it. All we have is "guys be patient with me I'm still learning the ropes uwu," only for her to turn around and continue being a bad leader and an overbearing, overstepping #girlboss. Which is compounded by the fact that nobody particularly wanted or needed her to step up in the first place. Lanolin has a lot more agency than the book lets on, and yet she continues to refrain from sensible decisions in favor of getting mad that people can't read her mind and do what she wants.

We've played this game multiple times before, characterizing the OCs so that they're actually coherent because the alternative is balking at how fucking abysmal the writing is, and it always proves to be a pointless exercise. Reality disappoints so much more than whatever you have in your head. I'm not going to write fanfic for the book if they can't be bothered to develop their characters properly.

Sorry for my terse tone, but the book's stagnant writing frustrates me. I got burned from following Starline too closely, hoping his story would have culminated in some sort of point other than "he didn't think his plan all the way through" (then why hype him up as more meticulous than Eggman for years? Jesus fucking Christ, don't waste my time like that), and look what happened. He got buried under rocks, eulogized with big oof, and everyone who was previously saying Starline was the shit was now laughing at his still-warm corpse because Flynn essentially told them to.

Nuh-uh. Fool me once.

In all likelihood, the book will try to pretend she's not a raging bitch. That she was justified in sneering at the heroes due to a deficiency on Sonic's part. They'll probably pull a "well, Sonic does need someone to rein him in."

And what will happen then is the crowd will murmur agreement, and take it to be a God's-given truth about the character, and spread it around as if it's fact. And then we'll have to slog through "um ackshually, Sonic probably should have somebody slap a leash on him, he's a careless force of nature and a danger to everyone around him" discourse for the next several months. I am not having 'nam flashbacks to three and a half years' worth of people parroting "Eggman never has a solid plan," why do you ask

Because the OCs can never be in the wrong. If there's a problem with OC/canon dynamics, clearly it's the game characters who need fixing. If only Sega would let us flanderize them to make our characters look better by comparison! Alas, mandates. 😔

#asks

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oddinary4bts · 2 years ago

Text

Since I already reviewed once, I’m going to reread and do a live review kinda thing for Bookclub this week! Because this fic was so good, and so relatable for me and my little Zana (though she’s 6 months old now and isn’t as crazy as she was at the beginning)

So live reaction under the cut!!

Getting waken up at 2 am….. we love them but we hate them too, don’t we?🫣🥲

Oh oh, large shoulders, that’s our baby Jin

NOT THE SHOES

“Zinnia begins to sing the song of her people” HAHAHA I love this sentence so much😂

Of course he’s so good looking and could be a model he’s Kim Seokjin!!!

FLIRTING GOD WHAT THE HELL

Sike he’s talking to the dog. Mrs steal your man uh?

Zinnia why do you have to embarrass her in front of the hot guy

Not biased by his face, his competence IS sexy

WHY MUST PEOPLE GET IN?! Let reader and jin speak in peace

No one can be disappointed when it comes to you, Kim Seokjin😌

I’d also trade an asshole ex for a cute lil puppy

The way they speak for hours outside I’m going to cry

Gosh I remember those early days when all Zana could do was make me cry lmao, very relatable indeed

Not Jin finding her at the restaurant

Jin the saviour <3

AH HE’S GOT HER PHONE NUMBER NOW!!!

The first night your puppy doesn’t wake you up is definitely hella scary. I remember crying thinking I was a bad mom until Zana just started jumping around like a bunny, way happier than I expected her to be, and entirely peeless too

The “coincidence” that jin is there at the same time….. is it really a coincidence uh?

The family health concern ☹️

A steady SchDULe?!!! OFC SEOKJIN

He cooks for her😭

Lowkey sexy… girlie it’s highkey sexy the fuck

Not his grandfather teaching him how to cook, I’ll cry🥹

Oh he’s into her already isn’t he?

The precision of that Chutes and Ladders reference scares me a little Jo

“Sunlight spun into the quirk of his lips, the soft wrinkles at the edges of his eyes” BEAUTIFUL!!!!!

“I’m glad your dad’s okay” don’t touch me while I cry

“any and all babies” KIM SEOKJIN

Poor taste indeed, reader is THE catch

Who would cheat on kim seokjin wtf

He’s so unserious I love him so much

“his laugh feels like the toll of city bells, telling you it’s time to come home” I want these words to be written on my tombstone please and thank you

First kiss AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

“I try to be solution-oriented” LMAO

DAMN SEOKJIN KISS HER

She’s stronger than me, I definitely would have invited him to stay over

“First date and a half’” hahaha

“Should have known something else must be coming” EXCUSE ME NO LET THEM BE HAPPY

Oof not the heart surgery… things are about to get rough

NO NOT JIN SEEING HER HUG HER BROTHER

He doesn’t know it’s the brother

Oh oh

She should have told him it was a dad thing oop

I knew the angst was coming but it hurts 🥲

Jin avoiding her hurts so much

YOU TELL HIM OC

“Whatever this was” ……………………………

He did act like a child oop

APOLOGIZE SEOKJIN. MAKE IT GOOD

Still hurting, why didn’t she go to the dog run

“Let me do better” I’m emotional

“Let me show you how sorry I am” SIR?

That smut goddamn, was it Jolene again?

Pink for May let’s goo🥰

The ending I’m crying it’s so cute❤️

Hope you enjoyed this live review!! Everyone please read this, it’s so so worth it✨

Sit. Stay. || KSJ

(banner by @kth1)

Title: Sit. Stay. WC: 14k one-shot Genre: fluff, s2l, neighbors!au, baby angst for a quick minute?, smut

Summary: Your new puppy, Zinnia, has turned your world on its head. She’s ruined everything from your sleep schedule to your favorite shoes, and you know it’s your own failure to train her properly. When your cute upstairs neighbor tells you about a local obedience academy, he slowly starts to make himself a place in your schedule, your life, and your heart. After your last relationship went up in flames, will his affections be something else you can count as a failure?

Rating: NSFW - Minors DNI, i mean it

Warnings: language, casual drinking, a parent is having heart problems and seeing doctors for it, miscommunication sort of, immaturity lol, kissing, mentions of surgery/doctors/hospitals - but everyone is okay!, an argument, protected penetrative sex, doggy style (i mean how could i NOT), fingering, a nanosecond of nip stim

A/N: Written for the Paw Prints Academy Collab hosted by @kth1fics! Typo-check by @oddinary4bts - thank you, Ella!!!

You’re asleep, dreaming something plotless - your grandmother, long deceased, is there. It doesn't feel sad - it feels peaceful. It feels like, oh, it’s nice to see you again.

And it’s ruined, too early, by a long, high-pitched, inhuman cry. You startle awake, heart pounding as your brain scrambles to make sense of the sound. The whine - it’s a whine despite the loudness of it - dies down and is followed by a series of yips and sharp barks. Every noise seems to pierce straight through your skull.

You haven’t slept through a night in four days.

“Zinnia,” you beg, pushing the comforter off your body and making your way blindly across the unlit bedroom, “you have got to chill. You are not dying.”

Zinnia, an eleven-week old chocolate labrador, yaps even louder once she hears your voice.

You’re reinforcing bad behavior by getting up, a voice in your head reminds you.

You know it’s true, but what’s the alternative? Let Zinnia wake up every apartment on the whole floor?

You open the bedroom door, and Zinnie bounces with excitement in her crate, her tail flapping against the wall of it with a rhythmic thwap-ap-thwap-ap.

You sigh. She’s so dang cute, you can’t even be pissed that it’s two in the morning. “Hi, silly girl,” you say, resigned. She rolls herself in a full circle, going belly up and then back to her feet in less than a second.

You unlock the crate and watch absently as she catapults around your feet, races into the kitchen, slides across the linoleum and crashes sideways into a wooden cabinet door, and then dashes - unphased - back towards you, barreling into your shins.

You sigh again and head back to your bedroom for a hoodie and some shoes. Miss Zinnie needs to run, apparently.

You hook up her leash and grab your keys, patting your pocket to make sure your phone is in there before heading to the hallway. Zinnia zips left and right, tripping you more than once on the way to the elevators.

You take the elevators up instead of down. There are a lot of perks to your high-end apartment building - covered parking, a pool, a 24-hour gym - but the best is by far the dog run, outside on the twelfth floor. You’ve used it approximately sixty times in the days since you brought Zinnia home.

You realize as you push open the glass doors to the rooftop space that you forgot poop bags.

“Zinnia,” you say seriously, “I need you to promise not to poop. Got it?”

Zinnie gags once as she pulls too hard on the leash. You rub a hand over her face and reach down to pick her up, opting to carry her hyper ass the rest of the way to the dog run. You hold the door on your way back in for a tall guy with a baseball cap tugged low over his brow, leading a fluffy, blue-eyed dog back into the building. He nods in thanks and hurries past you. You have to step inside for a second to let him by, his shoulders take up so much of the doorway despite his slender frame.

“His dog isn’t choking itself on the leash,” you point out to Zinnia sourly. You make your way over to the dog run and make sure to latch the gate before setting Zinnia back on the ground and unclipping her.

“Go, you absolute menace,” you tell her. “Go run until you’re tired. Please, for the love of god, run until you’re tired.”

–

You’ve always gotten a mid-afternoon energy slump; Zinnia’s nighttime shenanigans haven’t helped that at all. You’re bent over your desk, trying to inhale the caffeine from your two pm coffee, when your phone pings on your desk.

Your heart sinks when you see the name of the college kid who’s supposed to watch Zinnia on weekday afternoons.

“Please just be a cute picture,” you mutter as you unlock your screen. No such luck. The text informs you that, in your absence, Zinnia chewed through a pair of shoes you’d been stupid enough to leave out.

There is an attached picture.

It is not cute.

–

You get home earlier than normal somehow, letting yourself into the apartment and kicking off your shoes. You immediately pick them back up, cradling them against your chest like they need to be protected.

They kind of do. Zinnia hears you and blasts straight at you, running circles around your legs, tail flopping side to side so hard her whole butt wiggles.

“Hello, silly beast,” you say affectionately, though truth be told you’re still mourning those chucks she’d ruined.

Ry, Zinnia’s college pal, gathers her belongings and tells you goodbye. Alone with your shoe-destroyer, you sigh and head to your bedroom, closing the door behind you. Abandoned in the living room, Zinnia begins to sing the song of her people.

“Oh my god,” you huff. “Please, can you let me pee and change clothes? It is okay to be alone for five seconds!”

You ignore her complaints as you do just that, emerging in joggers and a hoodie, and sneakers that aren’t your chucks, since those live in the garbage can now.

You’d been planning on taking Zinnia on a walk walk, but there are some pretty ominous clouds out there. You pull your phone from your pocket and check the hourly - 80% chance that it’s already raining.

A quick trip to the dog run will have to be better than nothing.

You two head to the elevator, and you push the button for the twelfth floor, the ring around the button lighting up red.

The elevator slows to a stop on the eighth floor. The doors open and you spot the dog you’d passed last night, the one with the pretty blue eyes. You raise your eyes to look at its owner, the guy with shoulders the width of the moon.

He’s got a cap on again, but you can see his face today. He lights up when he sees you, stepping inside to let the doors close behind him. He glances at the button panel to make sure his choice is selected - he must be heading to twelve as well.

“We met you last night,” he says slyly, smiling at you. You’re unable to answer for a second; he’s so good-looking you think he must model or something. He’s got a strong brow, beautiful dark eyes, and lips that should be a museum, carved from marble.

“I think we did,” you agree, feeling suddenly shy, completely unqualified to speak to this absolute god.

“We did,” he says confidently. “I’d remember a face that cute anywhere.”

You feel yourself flush, suddenly so warm that you want to strip off your hoodie and maybe your shoes too, just to cool down. Then you realize that he’s looking down at Zinnia, whose tail is wagging so ferociously that she’s almost toppling over as she sniffs noses with the stranger’s dog.

“Is she okay?” you ask suddenly. “Do I need to –?”

“It’s fine,” he says easily, flapping a hand at you. “Blue’s very maternal. She knows a baby when she sees one.”

“Okay,” you say, sighing a little in relief. Being a Bad Dog Owner is bad enough, you’d hate to make a mistake with someone else’s dog in the equation.

The elevator doors open on the twelfth floor, and the guy holds out a hand, beckoning you to go first. You try to exit, but Zinnia is so obsessed with the guy’s dog - Blue - that she won’t budge.

“Good god,” you grumble, reaching down to lift her, stalking out of the elevator with only a scrap of your dignity. You’re pretty sure you hear the guy snicker as he follows you towards the doors to outside.

There’s an elderly lady and a corgi in the dog run, and you and the guy from the eighth floor hurry through the gate and latch it quickly.

Zinnia takes off sprinting the second you unclip her. Blue trots over to the corgi first.

“So,” you say. “You have a dog that listens.”

The grin he shoots you is amused. “I’ve had Blue for almost eight years. You have a baby. A lot of her behavior right now - the energy, chewing on everything she finds - she’ll grow out of.”

“That’s a relief,” you say, thinking of the ruined chair legs under your kitchen table. You’d had that kitchen set for a decade and Zinnia left it covered in teeth-marks within the seven minutes it took you to switch laundry loads.

He shrugs. “Some of it has to be trained out, though,” he warns you.

“Damn,” you sigh. A raindrop hits the back of your hand; instinctively, you raise your eyes to the clouds. Beside you, the guy does the same. On the other end of the dog run, the older lady calls her corgi over and clips its leash, ready to head in.

“You better pee fast, you monster,” you tell Zinnia, who doesn’t hear you and wouldn’t care even if she did.

The guy laughs quietly under his breath, then whistles once. Blue stops sniffing the ground and trots over immediately. Either his competence is really sexy, or you’re biased by his face.

“I’m Seokjin, by the way,” he says, looking up at you as he bends over to clip the leash back on. “Most people just call me Jin. This is Blue.”

As the rain starts to patter more strongly, you tell him your name, and then point at your bonkers puppy, who is currently trying to wedge herself under the metal beam below a bench. “That absolute disaster is Zinnia.”

He smiles and repeats it. “We’ll see you around,” he says, heading back in towards the building, leaving you and your puppy in a suddenly steady rain.

–

You stagger like a zombie to the elevators in the morning, hands clasped around a travel mug full of hot tea. Inside, you lean heavily against the wall, willing your eyes to stay open as you descend.

You’ve made it down two floors before you even register that another human is in there with you. One more before you register that you know that human.

“There she is,” he says brightly, when he sees that you’ve clocked him, finally. “Good morning!”

“Sorry,” you say, smiling ruefully. “I’m exhausted.”

He nods understandingly. “New puppies will do that,” he says, still cheerful. “Are you crate-training her at night?”

“Trying to,” you grumble. “It’s not going great.”

He seems like he’s going to answer, but the elevator stops on floor three and four more people shuffle in between you. When you’re released into the lobby, he nods goodbye from the opposite side of the small crowd as you make your way through the front doors.

–

You barely make it through the work-day without taking an illegal nap at your desk, but somehow you do. When you get home, Ry slipping out your front door the second she hears you, you want nothing more than to collapse on the couch and close your eyes.

Instead, you leash up Zinnia - without even changing clothes first - and head up to the dog run. You figure if she handles her business now, it might buy you a few hours of couch time.

You also wonder if the guy - Jin - is usually out there right around now. He was yesterday, after all. Maybe that’s his normal schedule.

He’s out there before you, this time. Your hunch was right. You unclip Zinnia and lean back against the fence, hoping you don’t fall asleep on your feet like this.

Jin sidles up beside you and you can’t deny the warm, pleased feeling that rises up in you.

“Tough day at work?” he asks.

You can’t fight the smile off your face - you don’t even try. “Normal,” you say. “Yours?”

He shrugs. “Normal.”

You wait a beat, two beats. Jin leans comfortably next to you, his eyes watching Blue as she runs happily alongside someone’s doberman.

“What do you do?” you ask, curiosity getting the best of you.

He gives you a sideways look that you can’t decipher. “You’ll be disappointed,” he says, sort of like a warning.

This surprises you. “Disappointed? Why?”

He shrugs. “It’s pretty boring.”

Your smile turns a little knowing. “And you don’t like looking boring?”

His mouth twists to the side. “I don’t like feeling boring. But anyway - I’m a salesman. I work at a sporting goods store. I do consultations for certain equipment, but most of the time I’m just trying to make commission.”

I think with that smile you could probably sell me a used tissue, you think unhelpfully.

“That’s more exciting than mine,” you tell him, hoping it cheers him up. “I spend all eight hours behind a desk.”

He grimaces. “Do you hate it?” he asks.

No one’s ever framed the question like that before. You ponder this as, across the dog run, Zinnia happily harasses a pair of doodle-mixes.

“I don’t hate it,” you say slowly, weighing the truth of the words. “It’s just… monotonous, sometimes.”

“So you got a puppy to break up the monotony,” he guesses.

Now it’s your turn to grimace. “I got a puppy because my boyfriend moved out.”

He turns to look at you sharply, expression stricken. “I’m sorry - I didn’t -.”

“It’s fine,” you assure him. “I kicked him out. Caught him - well - it doesn’t matter. The point is I wasn’t sad to see him go. And I’d been trying for a long time to talk him into getting a dog, so. I gave myself a few months to get back on my feet and then I got myself a damn dog.”

And now she’s eating everything I own, you don’t add.

“Sorry you went through that,” Jin says seriously. You wave him off.

“It’s ancient history,” you tell him. “Besides, I’d trade him for Zinnie any day. Even when she pees inside.”

He laughs at this.

You stand chatting for a while - long enough for the doodle-mixes to get taken inside, and for a whole herd of dachshunds to come, chase circles around Zinnia for thirty minutes, and leave again, shepherded out by a middle-aged man. Long enough to learn that Jin went to college in the city, has an advanced degree in Business Management that he’s never used, adopted Blue when he was twenty-one. Long enough to learn that his parents live on the coast, that he can do most board-centered sports well, that he likes food and video games more than he likes most people. Long enough for him to learn your answers to the same questions.

“I should probably take her in,” he says finally, as dusk settles around you. “We both need dinner.”

“Sure,” you say. “I should, too. Zinnie! Zin! Zinnia, come!”

Jin snorts as Zinnia happily ignores you.

–

Your Friday is off to a bad start. Not only did Zinnie scream through the night, until you caved and let her out of the crate and spent the rest of the night on the couch so she wouldn’t feel lonely, but you break a heel on your way out the door.

The sudden break sends you sprawling onto your carpeted entryway floor. Your thermos of tea rolls away - thankfully sealed tight - but you feel your tights tear on your knee where you land. And your face ends up almost under a kitchen chair, eye to eye with a delightful little gift that Zinnia must have left you sometime while you were trying to get dressed.

You pushed yourself to your feet, eye your ripped tights and then the clock, and burst into tears on the spot. “Zinnia!” you wail. “I do not have time to go change! And I definitely do not have time to scrub the carpet right now!”

You do both, shooting the puppy death-stares as you scoot out of the apartment twenty minutes late with a blotchy face. You’d better not meet Seokjin in the elevators today, like this.

Luckily you don’t - but that’s about the last good thing you can say about the rest of your day. You get a nasty email from your boss for arriving late, you realize once you get to your office that you’d left your thermos of tea back on your kitchen table after you’d tripped, and Ry texts you to say she’s got a flu and she can’t take Zinnia out to pee after lunch the way she usually does.

You can’t leave early to handle it; you’re already in hot water for being late. You have to accept the fact that you’ll be going home to a mess - Zinnia can’t be expected to hold it that long, and it’s your fault, not hers. You just hope that, without someone there to play with her, her tiny, baby bladder is the only mess you’ll find, and not more ruined furniture.

It sucks, and you feel horrible - hoping she doesn’t cry and bark all afternoon, alone - but there’s nothing you can do about it.

When you get home, it’s about what you expected. You spray the carpet, hurry to change clothes, then come out to scrub where the spray had been sitting. You clean this up, and then the shreds of paper towel from the paper towel roll that Zinnia somehow got from the kitchen table, and face the puppy, utterly exhausted and at wit’s end. Somehow, you find yourself wanting to cry again.

“Maybe,” you tell her, as she looks up at you expectantly, “I am just not meant to be a dog parent. Maybe you need someone who knows what they’re doing. Or works from home. Or has a roommate to help. Something. Something that isn’t this.”

Oblivious to your emotional spiral, oblivious that you’re questioning your place in her life, Zinnia lays down and yawns, pink tongue curling and paws stretching as far as they can reach.

You skip the dog run. You think she probably needs an actual walk since Ry didn’t play with her this afternoon, and you don’t think you can face Seokjin in your current mood. He’ll either be friendly or sympathetic, and you can’t handle either of those with grace right now.

You strap Zinnia into an actual harness, not trusting her on just a clip-leash off the apartment property, and head towards the river. You detour through the park on your way, hoping the fresh air, exercise, and sunshine will work their magic.

They don’t. You fight back tears all the way to the riverside, Zinnia trotting along at times, pulling the leash towards passersby and random garbage at others.

Near the river, you spot a restaurant with outdoor seating. A few tables have brought their dogs; they lay on the pavement next to their humans’ tables happily, causing no fuss.

“What do you think?” you ask Zinnia wryly. “Can you be good long enough for one drink?”

You don’t give her the choice, getting yourself a table and tying her leash securely to your chair. One drink turns into two, then somehow you’re working on a third, your chin resting in your hand, a little stormcloud brewing above your head.

You’re startled when a body drops into the chair across from yours. You reach for Zinnia’s leash, alarmed, and then you realize it’s only Jin.

“What are you doing here?” you ask, at the same time that he says, “You look miserable.”

You stare at each other, not sure who should address what first.

“I was on my way home,” he explains. “The subway stop here isn’t that far from our place, so I’ll take it sometimes when the weather’s nice.”

You nod, accepting this. Then you decide to address what he’d said. “I am miserable,” you admit. “I am the worst dog owner on the planet. Come see me in five years, I will have one hellion of a dog, and exactly zero unruined square inches of apartment.”

Jin looks at you with an expression that’s both amused at your hyperbole and a bit sympathetic. You don’t know what you expect him to say, but it isn’t this - he leans forward, brows furrowing seriously, and asks you, “Can I make a suggestion?”

“Please,” you say, somewhat desperately. “I will take any suggestions.”

He sits back, the intensity leaving his face. “I have a few friends who work at this place in town? It’s called Paw Prints Academy.”

You chuckle. “Is it for bad dogs?”

He flashes you a smile. “Their secret, unofficial motto is there are no bad dogs, only bad owners.”

“Sounds like the place for me,” you admit.

“They’ve got it all - obedience classes, experts to run your questions by, groomers, boarding, day care.”

“It sounds great,” you say. “I obviously need some expert help. I’m a disaster.”

“I’ll send you their website,” Jin promises, and then pauses, his hand halfway to his phone. He seems, suddenly, less sure. The tips of his ears are suddenly red. “I… that is… if you’re okay with giving me your number?”

You hide your smile behind a hand. “Sure,” you say, trying to bite back the grin. “You can have my number.”

“For puppy purposes,” he clarifies with a cheeky smile. As if you both know that’s a lie.

“For puppy purposes,” you reassure him, feeling your little stormcloud start to dissipate.

–

Seokjin doesn’t abuse having your number. He sends you the website to Paw Prints Academy, and adds, “my friend’s name is jimin, tell him you know me” and then you don’t hear from him again. You call the academy and get Zinnia registered for obedience courses. You also sign yourself up for a seminar called New Puppy 101.

Slowly, things actually start looking up. It happens in a trickle, so gradually it’s barely noticeable. You don’t notice - until the first morning your alarm goes off and you realize with a jolt of terror that Zinnia hadn’t woken you up in the middle of the night, even once.

But when you trip over your own feet in a panic, throwing open your bedroom door, terrified of what you’ll find… you find Zinnia lying peacefully on her side in her crate. She begins to thump her tail happily when she sees you, and you nearly sag with relief.

Things improve for you at work, too; it’s almost like getting a full night’s sleep makes you more productive or something.

You go a full five days without scrubbing your carpet or throwing away any shoes.

And, of course, it doesn’t hurt that you meet Seokjin and Blue up in the dog run nearly every evening after work.

It’s during one of these unscheduled, yet oddly routine instances that Jin points out Zinnia’s progress.

You’re leaning against the fence together, watching absently as the dogs run around, as you have almost every day lately. Sure, you take Zinnia up as soon as you get home from work for her sake. But the coincidence that Jin is usually there around the same time doesn’t hurt.

“She seems way better,” he observes, turning his head to watch Zinnia zip by. “I can’t believe how big she’s gotten, too.”

“I know, right?” you explode, responding to both observations at once. But you can’t help it - you’re proud. “Watch this! Zinnia! Zinnie!”

And Zinnia, your wild baby, stops running and turns to look at you eagerly, waiting.

“Sit!” you call.

And Zinnia sits.

Seokjin whistles low, appreciative.

“Jimin’s a miracle worker,” he says. “I’m glad you called them.”

“Me too,” you admit. “Did I ever thank you for sending me their info? Because, seriously, I think you saved my life.”

Jin laughs, full and deep.

It scares you how much you like the feeling of making him laugh. It makes you want to sprint out of there, with or without Zinnia, hopping the fence if you have to.

–

The next afternoon, you get home and get ready to head up to the dog run. It’s a beautiful day, but you barely notice as you rotely go through the motions - change shoes, clip Zinnia’s leash, grab your keys from the countertop, head for the elevator. You keep your phone in your hand, hoping for a vibration, terrified of the vibration.

The dog run is empty when you get there; normally you’d be a little bummed that Jin isn’t there with Blue as he is almost every weekday evening, but today you’re relieved that you don’t have to try to carry a conversation. You unclip Zinnia, who darts away, and give a heavy sigh, leaning heavily against the fence, your phone still between your white-knuckled fingers.

Your relief is short-lived, because the building door opens less than two minutes later and Blue leads Jin out into the sunshine.

He smiles when he sees you, loping over and taking his now-familiar spot next to you as Blue sniffs the ground next to the metal bench to your left.

He’s chattering at you, and you think you’re answering, but it all kind of flows around you. After a few minutes of this, he pauses mid-sentence, brows furrowing.

“Hey,” he says kind of softly - there’s a definite change in his tone, which is honestly the thing that grabs your attention. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” you answer on instinct. “All good.”

There’s something sharp in his sideways glance. “You sure? You seem distracted.”

You wave the hand holding your phone a little, nodding your head toward it. “My dad’s at a cardiologist appointment right now. I’m waiting to hear if everything is fine… or if everything is not fine, in which case I probably need to go pack a bag and look up train times…” You trail off. Seokjin is listening intently, his face serious. You feel a flush of embarrassment anyway. “Sorry. I shouldn’t unload on you. We’re practically strangers.”

The crease between his eyebrows deepens with his frown.

“Well, now my feelings are hurt,” he complains.

You blink back at him, surprised. This was not the response you were expecting.

“I thought we were friends,” he continues, an exaggerated pout creeping into his tone and onto his features. “I don’t keep a steady schedule at the complex’s dog run for just anybody, you know.”

Your heart trips over its own feet and faceplants in the dirt. You feel your eyes go wide as he puts words to something you’d suspected but had been afraid to assume - that you’d both been coming here at the same time on purpose. Not just you, but him too.

The playfulness melts away with the fake pout, and he’s back to looking at you seriously. “Have you had dinner?” he asks. There’s something gentle about the way he says the words; you feel something warm drop to your toes, intoxicating. “Let me cook for you.”

“You cook?” you blurt.

He smiles warmly, a touch of amusement in it. Like he’s thinking, but is too polite to say, how much you don’t know about him. It’s definitely what you’re thinking.

“Come on,” he says, heading around you towards the gate, giving your elbow a gentle touch on his way by. “I’ll make you something good.”

–

Jin’s apartment is cleaner than you’d expected, to be honest. He sets you up at his breakfast bar with a generously poured glass of red wine and gets to work in the kitchen.

“Is Zinnie okay?” you ask him, looking over your shoulder anxiously as Zinnia sniffs his couch frantically, like the fabric is holding every secret the universe could ever hold. “She tends to… chew. It’s been better since we started classes with Jimin, but nobody’s perfect.”

“Don’t sweat it,” Jin says, waving a hand at you. “Blue did her share of damage to my stuff when she was a baby.”

You watch him in comfortable silence as he dices vegetables, a pot of water heating on the stovetop. Maybe it’s the wine talking, but it’s lowkey pretty sexy how he works a kitchen knife. It’s almost enough to distract you from the churning pit of anxiety in your stomach as you tap your fingers absently on your darkened phone screen.

“So it’s been going well with Jimin, huh?” Jin asks over his shoulder, and you tear your gaze away from your phone and try to catch up to the conversation.

“Oh,” you say, once you’ve processed. “Really well, actually. I think he’s a dog genius.”

Jin laughs at this, lifting the cutting board to slide what he’s chopped into the pot of water. Then he comes over to his side of the breakfast bar and picks up the other glass of red wine, still untouched.

“He’s good at his job,” Jin agrees. “I don’t know about genius. Did you know he’s secretly a cat person?”

This makes you giggle a little, your eyes falling back to your screen. Again, Jin tries to pull you back.

“Is she following any other commands now?” He eyes you over the top of his wine glass as he takes a long drink from it.

You smile a little, well aware that he’s distracting you on purpose, well aware that you aren’t sure you deserve this level of care from him.

But apparently you’re friends.

“She’s pretty good about here, and sit,” you say. “Not so good with stay. It’s a work in progress.”

Jin grins at this, something sparkling in his eyes.

“She’s sleeping in her crate at night, too,” you add.

“Wow,” Jin says, eyebrows raising. “That must be nice.”

“I don’t know how I was surviving before,” you tell him seriously, and he laughs again as he turns back to the stove to handle something.

You chat like this, in starts and stops, until the meal is done. Jin slides a steaming bowl before you and sets up a few sides before coming to take the seat to your right. Zinnia appears underfoot, nose sniffing wildly.

“I agree,” you tell her seriously. “It smells amazing. Who taught you to cook?”

His smile softens, going a little sideways. “My grandfather, actually. Weird, right? He was widowed when my dad and my aunts and uncles were all pretty little, so he had to learn, had to feed all those kids.”

“That’s not weird at all,” you tell him. “It’s actually kind of beautiful.”

Emboldened, Jin continues, the fond smile remaining on his face. “He’s a brilliant cook - we’ve told him forever he should have a cooking channel.”

You laugh a little. “People would probably be into that. Especially if you were the assistant.”

This comes out of your mouth without you realizing; the second you register that it has, you feel yourself blush furiously. And, dammit, Jin clocks the whole thing.

“Oh yeah?” he asks, that soft smile turning razor sharp. “Why’s that?”

You’re saved by your phone buzzing on the table, the screen coming to life, illuminating with the notification from your messaging app: Mom.

Frantically, you swipe to open the message, eyes flying across the screen as you read her update. Then, you close your eyes, pressing your forehead to the breakfast bar, the fake granite cool beneath your skin, letting out a shaky exhale.

You feel Jin; he’s instantly in your space, one large hand resting lightly over your shoulder as he hovers closer to you. Aside from his hand on your back, comforting, he’s not touching you at all. But somehow it feels like he’s surrounding you.

He says your name quietly, inquisitively.

You reach out blindly, your hand finding his knee. “It’s okay,” you say, taking a deep breath and sitting up. Your head spins. You press the heels of your hands to your eyes and take another deep, bracing breath. Seokjin’s hand stays on your back. “It’s good news.”

You hear Jin exhale beside you, his fingers twitching against your shoulder blade, almost like he had the reflex to squeeze you and fought it just a second too late. It strikes you, deeply, that he’s relieved. He doesn’t know your parents, has no real stake here. But his relief is palpable next to you; your worry had become his own.

“I’m sorry,” you tell him. Your problems shouldn’t be his to bear. “I know I wasn’t great company tonight.”

He shakes his head, following your lead and placing his hand back on his own legs, as if wanting to cover the spot on his knee that you’d left vacant. “I enjoyed your company,” he says openly. “I’m glad you came over.”

You sit in silence, both sneaking glances, neither knowing what move to make yet. You feel like you’re playing Chutes and Ladders and a chute just sent you sideways around the Peppermint Forest and dumped you seven spaces ahead when you don’t really belong there yet. Or maybe you’re mixing up your board games.

“I should probably go give them a call,” you say reluctantly. “Can I help you clean up? You cooked.”

“No,” he says firmly, shaking his head. Both dogs look up at this familiar word, gauging if they’re the ones in trouble. This makes you smile, and it breaks you out of the weird headspace you were in. “I’ll clean up.”

You rise, calling to Zinnia as you grab her leash. You clip her up and head for the door. Jin trails behind you, walking you out. You pause near the door, looking at him balefully.

“Thank you,” you say quietly. “Seriously - for everything. For… caring about my problems. For the delicious food. For cooking and cleaning up. You should have let me do the dishes.”

He smiles at you, sunlight spun into the quirk of his lips, the soft wrinkle at the edges of his eyes. “If you’re that worried about it, I know how you can make it up to me,” he says, his voice a little teasing.

“Oh?” You quirk an eyebrow. You’ve got emotional whiplash; in the last three hours you’ve gone from flirting to panicking to soft to awkward to flirting again and you cannot keep up.

He leans against the wall, crosses his arms over his chest, that smile turning sharp again. God, you like his face so much. You like him so much. “Mhm,” he says, mock seriously. “I found a trail I want to check out with Blue, but as a general rule I don’t do mountains alone.”

“Sure,” you deadpan. “You need an Adventure Buddy.”

“Yes,” he says eagerly, snapping his fingers in excitement. “Exactly. So, what do you think? This weekend? The weather’s supposed to be great.”

“Can I let you know?” you ask. “Text me the details.” Truth be told, you want to look up the trail first and decide if it seems too challenging.

Jin slips out of that teasing, flirtatious mode easily. “Sure,” he says, all casual again. He’s so hard to keep up with, you think you’ll never get used to it. “I’ll text you.”

You open the door, tripping over Zinnia a little as she pushes past you into the hallway, but you’re stopped when Jin says your name one more time. You look back over your shoulder, curious.

“I’m glad your dad’s okay,” he says, giving you a rueful smile.

You give a tiny smile back before Zinnia bodily tugs you further away, spurring you into movement. “Thanks,” you say, and turn to go.

–

[9:19 PM] You: idk about this trail…. looking at the elevation… do you think it’ll be too hard for Zinnie? she’s just a baby :’)

[9:21 PM] Seokjin: the elevation’s misleading, it’s honestly not that bad

[9:22 PM] Seokjin: you’ll be totally fine

[9:23 PM] Seokjin: oops i mean “Zinnia” will be totally fine 😏

[9:23 PM] You: … what exactly are you implying here

[9:24 PM] Seokjin: just that any and all babies will be fine :)

[9:25 PM] You: …….i think we’re fighting

–

Seokjin drives you - and the dogs - to the trailhead early Saturday morning, the low rising sun dodging in and out between buildings as they pass you by. The forecast calls for a beautiful day - bright and clear, not too hot to hike, but not so chilly that you’ll shiver the whole first leg.

As Seokjin parks and organizes his backpack, you stand next to the car, shielding your eyes and peering at the top.

He laughs when he notices, the sound alive and as bright as the weather. “It’s not as bad as it looks,” he promises, coming close, looking at the top with you. His presence, so close to you, feels thrilling - like electricity, like a promise.

“You keep saying that,” you deadpan, “but if Zinnia conks out on me, you’re carrying her up the mountain and back.”

“Have some faith,” he teases, and heads for the place where the trees split, the path tamped down from many feet, leading into thick forest.

Zinnia keeps up pretty well, actually, and you and Seokjin set a steady pace up the trail.

About a half a mile in, he asks, “How’s your dad?”

It startles you, and you look over at him kind of wildly. He looks back at you like it’s nothing - like it’s nothing that he remembered and thought to ask - waiting for your response.

“Fine,” you say, a habit. Then, reconsidering, you add, “I mean, the same. He’s got more tests and stuff lined up, but the verdict from the cardiologist was that there’s no immediate concern. So… that was a relief. His primary care doctor looked at his EKG results and said to go immediately, so we were pretty scared.”

“I’d be scared, too,” he admits. “I’m glad you got good news. I would have been a wreck.”

You continue talking as you walk - about your families, your parents, your siblings. This moves into a conversation about things you both remember from growing up, until the conversation has delved into you both laughing too hard to get a sentence out as you manage, “Wait - wait, do you remember -?”

This takes the conversation to old movies you remember fondly.

“Can you believe my ex had never even heard of those?” you ask a little indignantly, before registering that maybe that was a weird thing to say.

But Seokjin takes it in stride. “The one who cheated on you? We’ve established his poor taste already.”

This makes you giggle. “Yes, that winner.”

He looks over at you, as the trail veers left and sharply steepens. “I’m sorry you went through that,” he says evenly. “I can kind of relate. It’s not fun.”

You peer back at him, not sure how heavy this conversation is going to, or should, get.

Hesitantly, you ask, “Do you want to tell me about it? I don’t want to… y’know. Pry.”

He shrugs. “At the end of the day, there’s not much to tell. My last girlfriend… I don’t think she cheated - or, well, I never had proof that she did.”

“You suspected?”

He wiggles his head, indicating a maybe. “I think it was heading that way with her and a co-worker. It’s possible that I ended things before it got to that point. But she started lying to me about him - about little stuff, stuff that shouldn’t matter. And I just… I’m a pretty understanding, easy-going guy, but I’m not going to tolerate someone lying to my face.”

You continue in silence for a few minutes, weighing these words in your mind, adding this new knowledge to the idea of Jin that’s in your head.

Then, he flashes you a cheesy grin and says lightly, “And that’s my sales pitch! Want to date me?”

You laugh out loud, mostly in surprise. But he’s still looking at you, and you feel your eyebrows raise.

“Was that a real question?” you ask, a little disbelieving. God, he’s the most unserious person you’ve ever met.

“A little bit,” he admits.

Stunned, you manage, “You might need to do a harder sell.”

His brows furrow dramatically. “Please, I’m a catch. Didn’t you taste my food the other night?”

“That’s true,” you muse. “The food was bomb. I’ll think about it. Gotta decide if this purchase will break the bank or not.”

While you’re just going along with his little bit, it kind of feels like code. You do need to consider if you can afford dating Jin - emotionally. Mentally. Are you ready for a relationship again? Would that even be what he wants?

“That’s fair,” he says easily. “Crunch some numbers and let me know.”

You think with anyone else it would be awkward the rest of the way, but Jin doesn’t allow it to be. He carries the conversation onto the next topic - gossip about your dog-trainer, Jimin - without a hitch.

You follow the conversation somewhat absently, still in your head, questions rising up to stare at you like Marley’s ghost, covered in chains. What do you want? What are you ready for?

You aren’t sure - about any of it. But Seokjin’s presence feels like warm rays of sunshine, warming you from a chill you didn’t know you had, and his laugh feels like the toll of city bells, telling you it’s time to come home.

–

Zinnia doesn’t conk out on her way up the mountain, but she definitely slows. Jin ties the girls’ leashes to a low branch near the trail and fishes a collapsible water bowl from his backpack, filling it with water and setting it down.

“Wow, that’s fancy,” you marvel, as Zinnia attacks the water bowl with vigor, water splashing the rock beneath, painting everything a darker shade of grey. “If we’re gonna keep doing this, I might need to get one of those.”

But Jin’s attention isn’t on the dogs anymore - it’s on the view. He’s wandered to the edge of the flat expanse of rock, where grey meets the green of far down below. You join him, and he puts an arm around your shoulders, glancing at you to make sure this is okay. You look out at the view, and it is beautiful… but your mind is too busy to appreciate it.

“Jin…” you say slowly, and he looks down at you, hand tightening against your shoulder almost reflexively.

“Hm?”

“If I were interested… what exactly are the terms of sale?” you murmur, feeling kind of shy.

Jin laughs, delighted, throwing his head back with it. His hair falls away from his face and he uses the hand that’s not on your shoulder to push it back. “What do you want them to be?” he asks, and you feel a tingle down to your toes at the dangerous undercurrent that flows along with the question.

“I’m not totally sure,” you admit quietly. “Is there any kind of… trial period? Any way to start is slow and see how it goes?”

Seokjin gives you an understanding squeeze. “Listen, as much as I love the bit and your dedication to it, I really want to communicate clearly about this. So - just to be very clear - I’d really like to date you. If you’re more comfortable starting slowly, I’m okay with that.”

You press your lips together, reaching a hand up to gently touch his fingers where they rest on your shoulder, considering.

Seokjin watches your face, then says, “I know a great burger joint on the way home. Let me buy your dinner, and we can call this a first date. What do you think?”

You turn to face him, looking up and up into his warm eyes, and his hand shifts from your shoulder to the center of your back, holding you loosely enough that you don’t feel held in place, feel free to go if that’s what you choose.

“That’s a pretty good first date,” you say seriously. “But it’s really gonna depend on how the burgers are.”

He grins, cocky. “They’re pretty good,” he says. “But, honestly, mine are better.” Then, he presses the knuckle of his index finger gently to the bottom of your chin and kisses you gently - again, so gently it’s barely there, so gently it would have taken just a breath of space for you to pull away if you wanted to.

You don’t; instead you press forward, pressing your lips more firmly against his, your hands coming to rest on his upper arms, feather-light. Behind you, Zinnia begins yipping - loud, insistent, each sharp sound piercing the silence around you.

You pull away from Jin, flushing, pleased to see a smile on his face. “She’s just jealous,” he deadpans.

You roll your eyes, laughing. “Please. She gets to kiss me all the time. She can share.”

Laughing, Jin heads for the dogs, ready to head back down to the cars. “Come on,” he says over his shoulder. “Let’s go get some pretty good burgers.”

–

They are good - better than pretty good, you think, and you tell Seokjin so after a beer and a half at the burger joint’s outdoor patio. The mountain you’d tackled looms in the distance, blue and shadowy.

“I’m telling you, mine are better,” Jin insists. “I have a secret method.”

“Yeah?” You tease. “Taking it to the grave?”

“You say that like it’s a joke,” he says seriously. “But I am.”

On the wooden deck beneath you, Zinnia lays on her side, eyelids fluttering and paws twitching as she dreams.

“We really knocked her out,” you observe.

Jin laughs, reaching his arms over his head to stretch, the movement causing his shirt to ride up just enough to show a slip of belly before it falls back into place. You try not to look, try not to remember kissing him at the mountain’s top.

“That’ll be us in a few hours,” he jokes. “I always knock out after a hike like this.”

“I’m going to be sore for days,” you agree, rubbing your calves in anticipation of the aching muscles you’ll have tomorrow.

“I have a suggestion,” Jin says, voice low. You flush, expecting him to flirt, to offer to rub your tired legs or something suggestive. Instead he says, “You ever try epsom salts?”

You blink at him, bamboozled. You just can’t predict him - he zigs when you expect a zag every damn time.

“I have, yeah,” you finally stammer. “I don’t think I have any left, though.”

“I have a huge bag,” he tells you, finishing the last of his second beer in one long draught. When he sets down his glass he tells you, “I’ll bring you the bag later. It’ll help a lot, I promise.”

You look him over. “You’re a guy with a lot of solutions, huh?”

He coughs, averting his gaze. You notice the tips of his ears turning pink and you hide a smile behind your hand. So cute.

“I try to be solution-oriented, yes,” he mumbles, embarrassed.

There’s no sign of that - the pink ears, the averted eyes, the mumbling - when he shows up at your door about twenty minutes after you arrive home. Zinnia is passed out on the floor behind you, having first lapped up her body weight in water from her silver bowl in the kitchen. As for you, all you’ve managed to do so far is shed your sneakers, your jacket, and the tshirt that had been sticking to your back, leaving you in athletic leggings and a sports bra.

Jin’s gaze sweeps you from head to toe and then settles determinedly on your eyes, like he’s got to work at it. “I brought the epsom salts,” he tells you unnecessarily, holding up the bag.

“I see that,” you murmur, feeling warm under his gaze. “Thanks.”

You reach to take the bag from him, but he tugs back on it a little, effectively pulling you to him. You trip into his arms willingly, ready for it this time when he kisses you.

He walks you backwards into your apartment, out of the threshold, letting the door close behind him. You hit the wall of your entryway, let him cage you in against it, his lips insistent against yours. When he runs a hand softly up your arm, summoning a wave of goosebumps in its wake, you sigh against his lips.

He takes advantage of the opening, teasing your bottom lip with his tongue before venturing further. You open for him happily, leaning back against the wall, reveling in the feeling of his strong arms on either side of you, the feeling of his tongue sliding against your own, the feeling of his hair between your fingers - when had you grabbed his hair?

You kiss him until you’re dizzy, until your legs feel weak beneath you, until you feel his hand travel from between your shoulder blades, to the small of your back, to the side of your ribs.

You break the kiss gently, nearly panting for breath. You can feel Jin’s pulse jumping as he does the same.

You look at each other for a long moment, communicating silently, weighing options.

You could invite him in. He’s here already, Zinnia’s unconscious, you’re holding a bag of bath salts (wait, no, the bag is on the ground - when did you drop it?). But something in your stomach tugs, tells you not yet. So that’s what you tell him, on a whisper, your teeth coming to toy with your swollen bottom lip as soon as the words are out - not yet. I’m sorry.

“Hey,” he says, cupping your cheek with a hand, so soft. “It’s okay. I wasn’t expecting anything. Don’t apologize.”

You glance around the room, desperate for a distraction, but nothing comes. “I, um,” you say, looking anywhere but him, “I think I’m gonna try the salts now. My legs are like jello.”

He gives you a tiny grin, and you roll your eyes. “From the hike!” you protest.

He gives you a playfully disbelieving look but backs off, giving you some space again. “Sure, of course,” he says, smirking.

You bend to pick up the discarded bag, holding it in your hands, feeling along the rubber zipper. Then, you cross Jin’s path and open the front door again, looking up to find him still watching you.

He gives you a playful smile. “I had a nice first date and a half,” he says, losing the fight against a pleased smile.

You huff out a laugh. “This was the half?” you clarify.

“I don’t kiss like that on the first date,” he sniffs in mock indignation.

You giggle, following behind him as he heads to the hallway. “Goodnight, Seokjin. Thanks for the salts. And the date and a half.”

–

You soak away your sore muscles and sleep deeper than you have in months.

Your days continue this way as April’s grey and rainy afternoons give way to sunshine, bright afternoons, trees starting to bud as the temperature grows milder. You meet Jin at the dog run every afternoon unless you text to make different plans - sometimes a walk with the dogs through the park nearby, sometimes dinner out, sometimes dinner in.

Dinner in usually means more kissing.

Sometimes, dinner out does, too.

In retrospect, you should have known. You should have known that as you fall for Seokjin little by little something else must be coming. Things can’t just be bright sunshine and Seokjin’s laugh, Zinnia’s wagging tail and linked fingers under starry skies.

Your brother shows up at your door, unannounced, almost a full month after your first date with Jin.

You almost don’t recognize him; it’s not that you haven’t seen him in that long - you have. It’s just that he’s still a kid in your head, a gangly, acne-prone teenager with earpods and a scowl. The man who stares at you, a rolling suitcase in hand, is in a suit. He looks put-together, and grown.

You say his name nervously, and he sort of grimaces at you.

“Sorry I didn’t call,” he says. “I’ve been on the phone with Mom and the doctors.”

“Doctors?” you echo, backing up to let him inside.

He gives you a look as he wheels his little suitcase inside. You don’t like the look. It says something bad is coming.

“It’s Dad,” he says.

–

You end up going out to grab dinner - you have no groceries to cook him a meal, and you’re a terrible cook anyway.

Your little brother fills you in - that cardiologist appointment over a month ago had ended with a positive outcome. They’d told your parents not to worry, there was no immediate danger, but there were certainly concerns.

Concerns that had worsened in the following month, apparently.

“They’re going to see a cardio team at the hospital here in the city,” your brother explains. “Mom was going to call and explain all of this to you, but I told her I was coming here anyway. She can focus on them - getting a hotel set up, packing, all that stuff. It looks like he’ll probably need surgery - they’ll decide at his appointment tomorrow. If that’s the case, they’ll stay in the city for a little until he’s recovered enough to go home again.”

You feel like you’re in shock; it’s a lot all at once. Your whole family suddenly in your city, under terrible circumstances. Surgery? Heart surgery?

“I’ll get a hotel, too, if it turns out they’ll be here a long time,” he says.

You come back to earth sharply. “You don’t need to do that. You’re welcome with me and Zinnia as long as you need, okay? Seriously. I’ll talk to Mom in the morning. We’ll get everything figured out.”

Just like that, the toughness drops out of him. Somehow he’d been the one your mom had called, the one responsible for relaying the information, the one responsible for making and supporting medical decisions. You’re the elder, it should have been you. As soon as you take the reins again, he folds, pressing his hands to his face and letting out a shuddering breath.

You feel horrible, instantly. He’s the baby, he’s not supposed to have to shoulder the responsibility.

“Hey,” you say softly. “It’s gonna be fine. Dad will be fine. We’ll find out tomorrow what his treatment plan is, and how long they’ll need to stay. You’re fine staying with me, okay? It’ll be okay.”

“Okay,” he says, uncovering his face and reaching for his water glass. “You’re right.” Then, quieter, “You’re right.”

At the end of the meal, walking back to the apartment, you stop near the door and give him a hug, your brave little brother.

“You did well,” you assure him. “Everything’s going to be fine.”

He hugs you back, holding you like he’s been drowning and you’re a buoy. It breaks your heart to think that may sort of be the case.

Neither of you notices Seokjin and Blue pass by, glancing at you curiously over his shoulder on his way into the building.

When he texts you that night, not long after you’ve set your brother up on your couch and crated Zinnia for the night, it’s not entirely unexpected, considering you’d skipped your normal trip to the dog run earlier, and you’d been too spun in circles to text him an explanation.

His message lights up your screen - “missed you earlier. everything ok?”

You hesitate, nibbling at your lower lip as you consider. What could you really tell him right now?

Not really, my baby brother showed up unannounced and emotionally hanging by a thread, and we’re waiting to find out tomorrow if a team of surgeons will be opening my elderly father up for heart surgery.

Not really a text message conversation, right? Honestly, you’re not sure it’s an in-person conversation, either. The relationship - if you can call it that without having discussed exclusivity yet - is still new, blooming, fragile. Is it too much, too soon? Would you be better off telling him later, when things are settled, when you can tie up the story nice and neat?

We had another health scare with my dad, but it’s okay now. He’s recovering.

Isn’t that less heavy? Your problems should not be Seokjin’s to carry, and you know he’ll try to carry them. He’s wonderful that way, always doing. There’s something scared and snappish inside you that wants to keep him far away from this until you’re sure you can look brave, until you’re sure you won’t fall apart in front of him.

In the end you send back, “all good! just got busy. how was your day?”

It strikes you as a little weird that he hasn’t answered by the time you go to bed. But as soon as you’re up the next day, you’re completely focused on your parents. You call them before you’re even out of bed, checking up on where in the city they’re staying, what time your dad’s appointment is. You call out sick from work, glad you hadn’t wasted sick days back when Zinnia was keeping you from sleeping - even though you’d definitely considered it more than once.

You and your brother both go to the cardiologist appointment, you two and your parents squeezing into the little consultation room as the surgeon examines your dad’s results on his computer screen.

Your heart hammers as you wait. You see your mom’s foot tapping, tapping, tapping, and you reach to hold her hand, hoping to comfort her, calm her down.

The surgeon removes his glasses and looks at your father seriously. “I do think surgery is the best course of action,” he says calmly. Your heart drops. The doctor continues, “It’s a pretty routine procedure, as far as these things go. Nothing to worry too much about. I’m confident that a stent will work.”

You lock onto the words minimally invasive, listening eagerly as the doctor continues to outline the plan he thinks will work best.

“I think it’s best to admit you today and schedule the surgery as soon as possible,” you hear the doctor says, and the rest of the day is a blur - signing papers, answering doctors’ questions, running back to your parents’ hotel to throw together a bag of personal items for your dad, running to the cafeteria for a cup of coffee that has been your only meal all day, more papers, waiting room after waiting room after waiting room.

When you finally get home, long after dark, your brother trailing wordlessly behind you, you’re so mentally and physically exhausted, you could cry. Zinnia waits for you in her crate - Ry had luckily been around when you texted, and came to take her outside a few times while you were gone. You let Zinnia out of the crate and collapse on the couch. Your brother takes the recliner, staring at you like you’ve both emerged from a warzone.

As you unwind, try to unclench your brain and your jaw and your shoulders, you think to check your messages. Part of you hopes Jin’s sent you something.

But your messages are empty. Your heart sinks with disappointment. You plan to go to work tomorrow; your dad’s surgery should end midafternoon and you can go straight to the hospital from work. It’s another day that you’ll miss Jin at the dog run. You think about texting him with an explanation, but that last message you sent him still sits there, unanswered, calling you a fool. So, instead, you slide your phone into your pocket and ask your little brother if he wants you to order delivery.

–

It takes you two more days to really get the message - Jin’s silence is deliberate. Your father’s surgery goes well, and if all goes according to plan your family should be heading back home in just a day or two. Crisis handled, on the day after surgery you swallow your pride and send Jin, “Sorry I’ve been MIA - family thing. All good now. What’s new with you?”

Not only does this go unanswered - like the one before - but another three weekdays go by and your trips up to the dog run at 5:15pm remain devoid of company.

Your father heals. Your mother takes him home. Your brother packs up and leaves just a folded up blanket on the couch he’d occupied for almost a week. April turns rainy, like the children’s rhyme says. And you… you slide back into your old routine, sans Seokjin.

You’re sad - of course you’re sad, you liked Jin. He was funny, charming, and so ready to do for you. You’d gotten used to having him around - his windshield wiper laugh, his great cooking, the way he’d carry the same joke or bit with you for a whole day before letting it go, the way the monotony of your day to day seemed interesting again once he was in it.

And you missed Blue, too.

But it wasn’t that deep - not yet. You’re not sobbing, heartbroken, into your pillow or anything. You feel disappointment above all else - disappointment at the loss of what could have been something.

You really do think it could have been something real.

You also feel… confused. What had happened? Had Jin seriously gotten mad at your silence for a few days and just ghosted you? You replay your last few conversations in your head, scour your last few text exchanges for anything that would make sense, but nothing does.

Some little part of your brain niggles, suggests that you’ve been wronged, somehow. That something had happened to you that you didn’t deserve. It’s enough to start just the tiniest flicker of anger, deep in your belly.

Thursday brings rain - relentless, cold, the kind of rain to make you wrap up in a jacket and tell Zinnia to hustle when you bring her upstairs to pee.

For the first time since the day your brother showed up at your door, you run into Jin and Blue. Jin is coming in from outside, both he and Blue soaked from the rain. His jacket sticks to his chest, his drenched hair pushed away from his face. He pauses as Blue shakes the water from her fur, and that’s enough time for your eyes to catch his.

You freeze, not sure what will happen - will he talk to you? Should you say hi?

His face, already blank, somehow slides blanker, like something falls away from it and leaves it even more empty. Then he pulls his gaze away from you, orders Blue to his side with a single, muttered syllable, and turns on his heel to walk to the stairwell at the end of the hall.

He’ll take the stairs, you figure, so he doesn’t have to walk past you to get to the elevator.

That little flicker of anger builds into a flame, and even the mid-April downpour can’t put it out.

–

It rains for days, your apartment cast in grey. You don’t know if it contributes to your mood or if it’s just mirroring it, but you feel grey, too. You quit using the dog run and start taking Zinnie on loops around the block, instead. After her walks, you lay on the couch, cheek pressed against the soft material, dramas playing on the screen without your attention.

Zinnia lays on the floor against the couch, occasionally whining and licking your hand. Sometimes she digs out toys - rubber kongs, plush ducks she’s practically decapitated, rawhides - and drops them at your feet, looking at you hopefully. You toss them for her or play tug each time, but you think she knows your heart isn’t in it.

Later, when you try to remember April, all you can think of is grey and rain.

–

It seems, though, that you’re not the only one who gave up on the dog run. On the first weekend in May, on a day that is - yes - grey, but thankfully not rainy, you run into Jin on the sidewalk a few buildings down from your own.

Blue wags happily when she sees you, but you feel yourself frown, already sliding your gaze to the ground. You don’t want to watch his face go ugly again, like last time. You can’t bear it, you think you might snap. That indignant little flame tickles in your veins.

You have to pass each other unless one of you turns around, so you grit your teeth and push on. It feels like an imminent collision, tension and anxiety building in you the closer and closer you get - and then Zinnia decides to make it an actual collision, zigging sharply towards Blue at the last second, knocking you off-balance right into Seokjin’s space.

His hands take you by the upper arms, steadying you, placing you back on your feet. There’s something tender in his touch, you think, and then you glimpse his face. That blankness again, the flatness nastier than any scowl he could send your way.

His hands are off you quickly, and he’s pushing past you, not a word spoken.

That flame bursts from a tickle to a storm.

“Hey!” you shout, the word tearing from your chest like it had to detach from something, burning up your throat like the burn of liquor. Seokjin turns, that flat expression starting to border on a defensive sneer. “What the hell is your problem?”

Now it is a sneer. “Excuse me?”

“You heard me!” you shout, stomping closer. Zinnia follows, her tail down, sensitive to your tone. “What exactly is the problem, Seokjin? I’m dying to know.”

He opens his mouth to answer you, but you cut him off with a bitter laugh. “No, seriously,” you say, that same bitterness marinating every word. “I’m dying to know. I’ve been trying to figure it out, and I can’t. So please, enlighten me. What did I do?”

Your body sings with adrenaline, your chest heaves with quick breaths as your body tells you it’s ready to fight.

Seokjin lets out a single huff of a laugh. “What did you do?” he echoes sarcastically. “Literally the only thing I consider a hard no.”

You don’t follow. “What?”

He shakes his head, like he can’t believe that you don’t get it. “I saw you hugging that guy,” he says evenly, “and then I texted you to see what -.”

“That was my brother,” you blurt furiously, eyes narrowing. “Is that what this was all about? You didn’t strike me as a jealous, jump-to-conclusions kind of person -.”

“I don’t care about that,” he says over you, tone stoney. “You lied to me - right to my face.”

You stare at him blankly, trying to put the pieces together. He’d seen you hugging your brother, and then he’d texted you “everything ok?” and you’d said… “just busy”. It was a lie, sort of - barely.

You laugh - actually laugh. “You’re out of your mind,” you say coldly. “You dropped me over that? I had things going on that I didn’t want to get into. I didn’t do anything wrong.”

“I don’t care,” he says, not cruelly, just truthful. “It was a lie.”

You heave a frustrated breath, casting your gaze at the full clouds above you. “Seokjin,” you say slowly, “you’re not being fair.” It feels suddenly very important to you to defend yourself, to explain it all away - even if he still walks away after, you want to be sure he knows he was wrong. “I wasn’t lying about, like, where I was, or who I was with. It was just… omission. The situation felt… too heavy for whatever this is. Whatever this was,” you amend.

He just looks at you silently, but you can see the changes in his expression - that flatness melting away almost imperceptibly, making way for something chagrined. You take this as a good sign and continue, explaining what had happened - from your brother showing up, to the surgery, to your family heading home again - leaving your space emptier than they’d found it.

Finished, you look at him silently, watching him process. Then, everything off your chest, you move to continue on. You feel, suddenly, like you have nothing else to say to him. “We were just casually dating,” you point out as you take a step away. His ears are red again, but he hasn’t tried to speak. “At no point did I lose the right to choose what to tell you and what to keep to myself. You acted like a child when you could have just communicated with me.”

You give Zinnia a gentle tug and she follows as you head back to the apartment’s front doors. You don’t look back; you don’t think you can.

–

Upstairs, you unclip Zinnia and sink into a kitchen chair, head in your hands. It felt good to yell at him, felt good to find out the reason for his silence. You’d made your peace already with losing him - so why do you feel worse now?

You’re there only minutes when you hear a soft knock on your door. You sigh, knowing exactly who and what it is, and forcing yourself to rise anyway. All the anger you’d felt outside seems to have leaked out of you; now you just feel resigned.

Jin’s ears are still bright red. “You’re right,” he says in greeting. Then, he waits, leaning against the door jamb as you process, as you decide how to respond. Blue stands just behind him patiently, the leash slack.

Mouth twisting, you look at him flatly. “Care to elaborate?”

“Ah,” he utters. He looks embarrassed, one hand still absently on the back of his neck, eyes on the ground. “I owe you an apology.”

When you still say nothing, he continues.

“You’re right - you don’t have to tell me your business. I’d like you to - or, I’d like to feel like you can - but you’re not obligated to. I… overreacted. And then I was being too rigid to look closely at what was going on. I just…”

He trails off and looks at you balefully. “I’m not trying to make an excuse,” he tries to explain. “I know I was wrong. I just made myself a promise years ago to never let anyone lie to me again… hoping I’d never feel so stupid again… and I let it… take over. I’m sorry.”

You consider this, foot tapping nervously. “Okay,” you say finally.

Something hopefully breaks over his face; he moves minutely closer to you. “I feel horrible,” he admits, voice hushed suddenly. “You were going through all that, and I absolutely made more problems for you. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s fine,” you say, your voice echoing a little flatly to your own ears. “I forgive you.”

He takes a step back, like the unbending insincerity of your words actually knocks him off balance.

“Okay,” he says, his voice somehow small. He starts to back away from your door, Blue scurrying out of his path, but his eyes remain on you. “I’ll, uh… I’ll probably be at the dog run tomorrow? Normal time?”

The way he says it, a question, asks if you will too.

“I don’t know,” you answer, even though he didn’t technically ask. “I don’t know yet. Maybe. We’ll see.”

You agonize over it all night. You’re mad - mad that he reacted childishly, mad that he added stress during a hard time for you, mad that he doubted you and judged you and didn't give you a chance to explain yourself. Mad that he let you down.

But, something logical inside you counters, he’s apologized. He’s taken accountability for it, admitted he’d behaved immaturely. Didn’t people, generally, deserve second chances? Didn’t you want to give him a second chance, regardless?

By the time you get ready for work the next morning, you still aren’t sure. Your stomach churns with indecision all day. When you get home, you sit on the couch, still in your work clothes, and eye Zinnia thoughtfully. She sits and cocks her head to the side, almost quizzical. Like she’s asking, okay, boss, what’s the plan?

You still don’t know. With a sigh, you change out of your office attire and take Zinnia out. At the elevator, you stare at the buttons: physical embodiment of this choice.

In the end, you hit down, taking Zinnie out through the lobby and heading down the street. The idea of Seokjin up at the dog run, eyes on the glass doors - hoping to see you, makes you hunch your shoulders up against a wave of guilt.

You feel like now you’re being the childish one. You know you want to give him another chance. Pretending otherwise just to punish him for hurting you… it’s not a good look, and you know it.

When the knock on your door comes, several hours later, as the sunset casts your apartment in deep blues and shadows, you feel like you were expecting it the whole time. You feel like it’s your own second chance.

“You didn’t come,” he says, frowning adorably.

You sigh, taking a step backwards to let him inside. He does, the door shutting behind him.

“Why are you here?” you ask; not demanding, not to fight - you want to know. You want to know what he’s hoping for right now, what he wants to happen, so that you can decide if you’re game or not.

He seems to understand, seems to hear the question for what it really is. He says your name, still hushed, like if he says it with too much force the letters will blow away like dead autumn leaves in a November squall.

“Well?” you prod.

“Please,” he says, something so desperate playing on the notes of the word.

“What?” you repeat, hating that your voice is choked. “What do you want, Seokjin?”

He closes the space between you, one hand coming to cup your jaw so light you aren’t sure he’s actually touching you or if you just feel the warmth of proximity. “Forgive me,” he whispers. “I want you to let me try again. Let me do better.”

“I don’t know,” you whisper, but you lean into his touch, closing your eyes. He strokes your cheek gently with his thumb, then pulls his hand away and cups the back of your head, guiding you close enough to press his lips to the top of your head, the kiss lost in your hair.

“I promise,” he whispers, “I won’t fuck up like that again. I want to try again - I like you so much, I want to do everything right for you. I feel like such an idiot for wrecking it.”

“You are an idiot,” you say, and you feel him smile against your forehead before he laughs.

“Never again, Jin,” you say sternly, leaning back to look up at him. His hand slides down to the back of your neck, resting comfortably. “I don’t do bullshit like that. We’re adults. We have to communicate. We have to speak -”

Behind you, Zinnia barks once, sharp and proud.

You and Jin both dissolve into giggles, both of you praising Zinnia for following the command.

When you turn back to Jin, he’s looking at you warmly, eyes shining with fondness. He dips his head to kiss you, and when he feels you kiss him back he tugs you closer by the small of your back, grunting into your mouth when your bodies collide.

He breaks the kiss and whispers against your jaw, “Let me show you how sorry I am.”

You let out a breathy sound somewhere between a whimper and a sigh, tilting your head to give him more room as his lips go from whispering his desire to kissing your pulsepoint, teeth barely there before his lips soothe the spot.

You fist your hands in the fabric of his shirt, holding on tight, relying on him to hold you upright as his mouth makes you dizzy. When his lips make it back to yours, you tug on his shirt and walk him backwards towards your open bedroom door. You giggle against his lips when he kicks it shut behind him.

You’re kissing again as you shed layers in tandem, breaking apart to pull shirts over your heads, kissing messily again as you balance on one foot at a time to remove socks, giggling as you lean back to get a good look at him as he undoes his belt. Would it be crass of you to whistle in appreciation? His shoulders are just... so… wide.

When your leggings pool on your carpet next to his blue jeans, he backs you up to the bed, where you sit heavily. He crawls over top of you, mouths clashing again as he holds himself over top of you. You feel like you’re spinning - you cling to his shoulders, focus on the feeling of his tongue sliding against yours, his fingers tracing the outline of your breast, the insistent press of his clothed erection hot against your thighs.

He kisses you like he’s devouring you, like he’s claiming you, like he’s pouring out every frustration into his lips and teeth and fingers and tongue and they’re all spinning you in bigger and bigger circles, ever widening.

Then the spinning crashes to a halt, because his fingers are meandering lower and lower, skimming your last rib, skating over your lower belly, sliding over your cotton panties and hovering just out of reach from where you want him the most.

He presses kisses down your jaw, down your neck, goosebumps rising up your arms as his breath ghosts along your throat. His fingers skim your slit over the damp cotton, making you moan shamelessly against the top of his head, but his hand travels back up, fingers sliding up your stomach and back to your chest.

“Jin,” you breathe, as he rolls your nipple between thumb and forefinger, sending jolts of electric delight clear down to your toes, and he answers you with a low groan before capturing your mouth in another deep kiss.

You’re spinning again.

Then his hand is back where you want it - fuck, you want it everywhere - fingers sliding through your folds before pushing deep into you. You gasp, but your body shifts to meet his knuckles, hips tilting to let him deeper still.

It takes you only minutes before you’re begging for him, unashamed, whispering his name around a litany of please and I need you and more, please, more.

He rolls away from you wordlessly, shifting to dig through his wallet. You hear the telltale sound of foil ripping and then he’s back over top of you, lips marking a path from your stomach, up between your tits, past your collarbones, before latching onto your neck as he gives you exactly what you asked for.

The stretch stings but you don’t care, moving to meet him, to take him all the way. Seokjin buries himself deep with a throaty groan, the sound mingling with your own whine.

He keeps a slow pace at first, content with exploring every new everything - every new sound he can pull out of you, every new spot he can touch that makes you arch your back and moan a little louder, every angle that makes you pitch go high and your nails find his shoulders.

It’s not long before his resolve breaks, his pace quickening as his hips snap into yours, the room filled with the sound of his thighs slapping yours. The tightening ball in the pit of your stomach swells, and your fingers find your clit as you careen towards the edge. Seokjin talks you through it when you crash past the precipice, calling you beautiful, telling you that you feel so good as you clench around him in waves.

Your limbs feel like jelly as you come down from the high, but Seokjin isn’t done with you. He presses kisses to your jaw, your cheek, the space just beneath your ear. Then, he whispers, “Can I go behind you?”

You nod - words are still too far away, slipping just outside of your fingertips. You can touch them, but can’t pull them close enough to use. Jin uses gentle hands to roll you over and backs up to stand next to the bed; he guides your hips backwards until your knees rest on the edge of the mattress. Still boneless, you fold your arms and press your face into them, moaning loudly when he enters you slowly.

At this new angle, you feel like he’s somehow, impossibly, deeper, and it’s all you can do to dig your fingers into the sheets beneath you and survive. His pace is slow for only a moment, letting you adjust, and then he’s pounding into you again, hands tight on your hips, pulling you backwards to meet each thrust.

You can tell it immediately when he’s close - the sounds spilling out of him turn from deep grunts and quiet gasps to lengthier sounds that verge on whiny. You gasp in time with him as he pumps into you more shallowly, barely pulling out at all, as one last strangled, broken sound leaves his mouth.

You collapse forward onto the bed the second he releases you, your heart hammering. Behind you, he must be handling the condom because when he flops next to you, eyes searching for yours, it’s gone.

“Hi,” he says, smiling.

You laugh. “Hello there.”

He rolls onto his back next to you, radiating happiness. “So?” he asks your ceiling. “Am I forgiven?”

You roll your eyes, but you can’t erase the smile from your face. Oxytocin is a bitch. “I guess,” you allow. “But you’re on thin ice for a while.”

He makes a thinking sound. “I’ll have to fix that,” he muses, one arm thrown over his head. He looks over at you. “How about you go shower, and I’ll cook you something?”

You twist your lips, considering. “Mmm,” you say. “I think I’d rather you join me in the shower first.”

His smile grows impossibly wider, and his hand creeps to find yours, his fingers lacing between yours and squeezing tight.

–

When you think about May, you remember pink.

Pink flowers blooming on the trees outside. Pink sunsets as you and Jin walk Blue and Zinnia through the park in the evenings. The pink of Zinnia’s tongue, lolling out of her mouth as she pants happily at your feet. The pink of Seokjin’s ears when you tease him or call him handsome in front of your friends.

You started things slowly - even slower than the first time; you’re nervous that something will happen again, that this second chance was indeed a mistake. But, true to his word, Seokjin shows up for you every day - he misses no chance to remind you that he’s here, and he’s got a score to settle with his past mistakes.

As the month comes to a close, spring teasing at tepid summer, you make a decision. You head to Seokjin’s place before dinner, as you do most evenings lately, letting yourself in with the door’s code. Blue is resting on a dog bed near the kitchen, placed there so she can see Seokjin even when he’s cooking and doesn’t feel lonely out in the living room. Zinnia slips through your hands the second the door opens, zipping into the apartment wildly.

“Zinnie!” you call.

Seokjin’s voice carries out to you from the bedroom - “Yeah?”

You laugh, shutting the door behind you and heading to where you’d heard him from. “I said Zinnie, not Jinnie!” you clarify.

He comes out of the room, laughing at the miscommunication, pausing to kiss your cheek. “How was your day?” he asks, before heading around you into the kitchen, where he had apparently been halfway through chopping some veggies.

“It was fine,” you hedge. “There’s something I was thinking about today, though.”

“Oh?” he says, looking over his shoulder at you as he picks up where he left off with the chopping.

You lean over the kitchen table, palms a little sweaty with nerves. Below you, Zinnia zips around, chasing a rubber ball of Blue’s, barking loudly as if scolding the toy for fleeing.

“I was thinking about us,” you say slowly, and Seokjin stills, setting down the knife and turning to face you, sensing that this talk is serious. His ears tinge pink almost instantly.

“Okay…” he says slowly.

You take a deep breath and push forward. “I was thinking about how I asked if we could do this slowly. How we were taking it one day at a time, not putting a name to it or anything.”

He nods, eyes on you, listening.

You shrug, look away and lick your lips. “I think I’m ready - I think what I want is…”

Behind you, Zinnia’s repeated yaps overtake the room, echoing through Jin’s kitchen.

You try to speak over her, stumbling over your words. “What I’m trying to ask you is… will you…”

Zinnia’s barks get louder; the ball is stuck under the couch and she is pissed. You turn, calling to her, “Zinnia, sit!”

The command works. She plops onto her butt obediently, and silence descends on the room like a sprinkle of snow.

You turn back to Jin, heart racing, to finish your question. “...stay?”

Thank you so much for reading! <3 Please look forward to the other fics in the collab and support those excellent writers as well!!!

#bookclub review #live review #jo <3 #seokjin fic rec #jin fic rec #seokjin #jin

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tolerateit · 2 years ago

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Meg, bestie wish me luck, I'm metaphorically doing a marathon this weekend and am about to rant about it (I'm moving last minute, too many shitty things happened these last two weeks and I can not handle staying in this place any longer. Was gonna move next month, and take it slow, but plans change. Was it just life? Was it mercury retrograde? Who knows. What I do know is I've had enough. Fortunately, I'll get to save up a bit more money living with family, even if the client pays late again.)

I have to finish working by the end of the day, I'm hoping by midnight, and then pack up half the apartment in the middle of the night, wake up tomorrow to clean up the place as best I can, with some help of course, and then my parents are coming to help us move half the stuff. We're moving the other half next weekend. And then we have a bunch of things scheduled for Sunday, which means I shall be running on low food and sleep this weekend. I'd complain but my husband will have it worse because he's on a special diet for his health issues. At least I will no longer worry about roaches anymore (building got infested last month, and everyone in it can't agree on calling exterminators for whatever godforsaken reason so they've just been multiplying and arrived at our door last week. We spent last night, till 6am killing new ones that just hatched inside the casing of our bathroom door after one got inside it last week. I'm absolutely terrified of bugs so it's been me spotting them and screaming, and then my husband running in to kill them. The strongest drugstore chemicals we found are barely helpful to keep them away - we did the floors everywhere, so they started showing up on the walls. Aside from the bugs, the stove shorted and took two days to fix which meant "experiment with whatever you can find to eat" which is terrible for health issues reasons, the vacuum shorted a couple of days ago too, it started smoking and shut down (I think there's an electricity issue in the whole city but I don't have time to go into that now), and as if all that wasn't enough, I got sick and could barely function for a couple of days (am fine now), and just as I thought the roaches hatching in the door was the last straw, both elevators in our building broke down after two neighborhood-wide electricity outages earlier today, so we gotta take the stairs to the 6th floor (I feel bad for whoever's living on the 10th, I know there's people with babies up there) and I'm desperately hoping the elevators get fixed before we move tomorrow so we can have an easier time bringing everything outside and in the cars). Okay thank you for listening, I'm blaming mercury retrograde for all this, because last time it happened I was joking with my best friend that nothing bad ever happens, it's just nonsense, and this time around mercury decided to personally fuck everything up for me to teach me a lesson. I'd love to throw hands but it's a planet and I'm just human, so we just trudge on.

Love you! <3

Honestly fuck mercury retrograde it's really giving us such a hard time rn dffjjgddlkjh but oh god you got this bestie!! That's a super hectic weekend oof, I hope you're feeling a little better now 🥺 please take care of yourself bestie, ily <33

#you ask for the tab*

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thefloorisbalaclava · 2 years ago

Text

Eyes Without A Face - Simon 'Ghost' Riley x F!Reader

Pairing: Simon 'Ghost' Riley x F!Reader

Words: 6,533

Warnings: 18+ - enemies to lovers (kinda sorta), some angst, canon typical violence, weapons, cursing. SMUT - oral sex (m and f receiving), unprotected sex, slightly rough.

Summary: You swear Ghost doesn't like you, but you couldn't be farther from the truth.

A/N: I haven't written Ghost since 2015 so please be kind! I hope y'all enjoy!

[part II]

[masterlist]

Ghost.

The callsign alone was mysterious—a mysterious name for a mysterious man. And while most people found him a mystery because of the obvious thing, you found him a quandary for other reasons.

He was a protector, that was for sure, but he was also a lone wolf, speaking only a few words at a time, and those were mainly to Johnny.

He seemed to always be deep in thought about what you couldn’t fathom. When he looked at you with those eyes that were sometimes so dark, they were nearly black, it unnerved you, but he didn’t necessarily scare you. Other times he looked at you, there was a lightness, a softness, in his eyes, both in color and emotion. It would disappear in a blink, and it was back to business, mainly him barking orders at you and telling you to focus.

You hadn’t discovered his name was Simon until you were at the base for over a month.

Simon.

You wondered if he looked like a Simon under that balaclava? What was hidden under there? Or, perhaps, he was hiding from the world for his protection.

You were so lost in thought that you rounded a corner and slammed right into what felt like a wall.

“Oof!” you stumbled back, then fell flat on your ass. Anger flashed in the eyes of said ‘wall’ but softened when he noticed it was you.

That’s sweet…I guess.

“You all right, lo--.” He stopped himself and cleared his throat. “You should always check your corners.” He held a big, gloved hand out to help you up, pulling you to your feet with ease.

“Yes, sir,” you said in a little voice. He scoffed and walked around you without another word. You made a face behind his back and continued to your destination.

“There she is! Fucking finally,” Soap roared, and you cringed as you made your way across the mess.

“Do you have to do that, Johnny?” you asked as you sat quickly. Soap slid you a tray. “Oo!” He had saved you a chili bowl before everyone snatched it up. You looked back up at him, and he was eyeing you strangely.

“What?” you snapped.

“Nothin’, you just look like you’ve seen a ghost,” he said.

You nearly dropped your spoon at his words. Was that on purpose or…

“I’m just hungry.” You shoveled some chili into your mouth, so you had an excuse not to speak.

“Speaking of ghosts, have you seen ours?” he asked.

“Mmhm.” You nodded, mouth still full. You wanted to say you quite literally ran into him, but you didn’t.

“Well…where?” Soap wondered, exasperated.

“Barracks,” you mumbled. “Looked like he was going back to his quarters.”

“Oh.” Johnny shook his head.

“What?” You stared at him.

“Just a bit worried about him is all.” He leaned back and put his hands behind his head. “Enough of that. How’re you, numpty?” That had become his nickname for you since you flash-banged yourself and him.

“Oi, numpty! You’re supposed to hit them, not us!”

“I’m…alive,” you said with a shrug.

“Missing home?”

“Kinda.”

“You’re not still sad over that prick dumping you, are ya?” he asked.

“No,” you scoffed. Yes, you were. “And he didn’t dump me. We…agreed to go separate ways.”

“Whatever you say, lass.” A sly smile appeared on his face. “Maybe you and Simon should get together.”

You spat the water back into your cup and coughed. “Excuse me. Why?”

“You’re both so…mysterious,” he said.

“You’re a dick. There’s nothing mysterious about me,” you told him.

“Hey!”

“You’re a dick, Captain. Better?” You threw a napkin at him.

“I’m also available,” he offered. He chuckled, then looked behind you. “Speak of the devil….”

You turned to look and immediately turned back around. Ghost was making his way over. You hated how you were so nervous around him. Well, at least he had missed you shoveling chili into your mouth.

“Didn’t think you’d ever come down,” Soap said to Ghost.

“Had to shower,” he said curtly. “May I?” It took you a moment to realize he was talking to you. He gestured to the chair, and you nodded.

“Uhh yeah. All yours.”

As he sat, you got a whiff of whatever soap he used. It smelled good. He smelled good.

“You all right?” he asked you.

“Hm?” You tried your best to look into his eyes, but it was impossible.

“From our little collision earlier. You all right?”

“Oh! Yeah! I’m fine,” you chirped awkwardly.

“Collision?” Soap wondered aloud.

“Um…” you sighed.

“Ran into me upstairs,” Ghost told Soap, and he burst into laughter.

“Oh, shut up,” you snapped, then gave him the finger. “Just for that, I’m leaving.”

“Wait, wait. I’m sorry,” Soap said.

“Whatever. I am tired, in any case. Goodnight, guys.” You think you heard Ghost say something, but you could be wrong. You didn’t look back as you walked away, so you missed how Ghost’s eyes followed you.

“Why not just tell her, Simon?” Soap asked his friend as they sparred.

“Negative,” he droned. “And…”

“Hey, numpty!” Soap yelled over to her, and Ghost’s eyes widened slightly. When he looked, he immediately wished he hadn’t. He was so used to seeing her in her usual field clothes that he felt like a Victorian man seeing a woman’s ankle for the first time. She was in a t-shirt and form-fitting compression pants.

“Come and practice your shooting with Lt,” Soap said, “I’m off for a run.” Before either of them could say anything, he was gone.

“You don’t have to,” he said in a gentle rasp.

“...I could always use more practice, sir.” She looked up at him with innocent eyes.

“You sure?”

“Promise not to go easy on me, sir,” she teased.

“Wasn’t plannin’ to,” he quipped, and she looked down shyly. “So…I have a question.” He began as he lined up his sight.

“Okay. Ask, sir.”

“Why…” He squeezed off a round, hitting the target perfectly.

“Why what?” she huffed. She aimed, fired, and was just a bit off-center.

“Why do you call me Sir and not Ghost or Lt like everyone?” he asked.

“Because,” she started aggressively, angry at herself for that shot.

“Because?”

“To be honest, I don’t know, sir.” She held her breath and shot again—closer this time.

“Would you prefer I call you one of those names, sir?”

“I would, yeah.” He stood to his full height and watched as she aimed. “Nah, that’s all wrong. Here.” Suddenly, he was behind her moving her arms. His voice was directly in her ear the next time he spoke.

“Hold it there. Breathe in,” he said in a low tone. She inhaled deeply. “Now.” She pulled the trigger, hitting the target square in the head.

“Good lass,” he said, and she turned her head to look at him. He moved away quickly, settling back into his usual gruff self.

“So…Ghost…since I’m able to call you that, does it mean we’re friends now?” she asked playfully.

He was quiet for a time, then shook his head. “I’m your superior and…I always make it a rule not to make friends. Makes things easier when we lose someone out there.”

“Oh, I see.” Her smile faded.

“We’re comrades in arms, not friends,” he said.

“Okay, I get it!” she snapped. She put the rifle away and then nodded at Ghost. “Have a good day, sir.”

“We’re comrades in arms, not friends….”

It kept echoing in your head, distracting you at all the wrong times.

“Numpty, come in!” Soap shouted over the comms.

“Wha…what? Sorry.”

“Where’s your head, lass?” he asked but didn’t wait for an answer. “Building two. Lt needs you to clear it with him.”

“Oh. Oscar Mike. Out.” You moved carefully, light on your feet the way you were taught. You took the left side of the door as Ghost took a right.

“…not friends…” It echoed in your mind just as the door was breached. A bullet grazed you, and you hissed as you aimed at the asshole and killed him with a clean headshot.

“Tango down,” you said through gritted teeth.

“Nice one,” Ghost said, but you ignored him and made your way into the building. “You all right?” he asked, noticing how you winced and the blood soaking your sleeve.

“I’m fine,” you said plainly. “Room clear. Heading up.” You were moving too quickly. You knew you were, but your mind was in a fog, replaying what Ghost said to you before.

Not friends.

You were so lost in thought that you didn’t see the red dot aimed at you. In a split second, your thoughts and your breath were knocked away by a weight of sheer force tackling you to the floor. You groaned and looked up at the culprit.

Ghost. And, though you could only see his eyes, you knew he was pissed.

“What the fuck were you thinking?!” he shouted, not letting you up. “I don’t know where you are, but it ain’t here!”

“Get off of me…sir.” You pushed against him, but he was far too heavy.

“I just saved your fucking life,” he said before shoving you down and then standing. “Get up. Get yourself together.”

You sat up, and he offered you his hand, but you ignored it.

“You need patching up?” he asked, nodding at your arm.

You shook your head. “No, sir.” You were glad it was dark—he wouldn’t be able to see the tears swimming in your eyes.

“Everything okay over there?” Soap asked over the comms.

“Yeah,” you mumbled. “Fine.” You walked back downstairs with Ghost following close behind.

“I think we should head back to HQ. Regroup, debrief, and call it a night,” Ghost suggested.

“Whatever you think is right, sir.” You waited for him to take the lead. You were feeling a bit worse for wear.

Ghost eyed her as she walked in defeated silence beside him. Maybe he was too hard on her, but she could have been killed, which would have been on his conscience forever.

She proved why he could never call her a friend… or anything more.

He turned to her again with two words hanging on his lips—words he rarely uttered. His mouth opened, but he hesitated.

Forget it.

“You get that look as soon as we get back, yeah?” He was worried about the wound on her arm.

“Sir,” she said with a nod.

“Okay, you know what, stop,” he said, but she didn’t. “I said stop, soldier!” She froze but didn’t turn to look at him, so he moved in front of her. She blinked up at him with tired and sad eyes.

“What’s going on?” he asked her.

“Nothing, sir. Just doing as I’m told.” She entered the underground headquarters, and he watched before following.

“Sir,” he said bitterly, “I told you to call me—”

“It wouldn’t be appropriate, sir. You’re my superior, remember? Not my friend.” She walked away from him then, greeting Soap happily.

“Patch me up?” she asked him, and he nodded. Soap gave him a glance over her shoulder, and Ghost could only shake his head.

“You wanna tell me what fuckin’ happened, Simon?” Soap asked.

“Nothing happened.” He was pacing, making it painfully apparent that something had happened. “She nearly got herself killed out there!” he snapped.

“You’re angry at her for that?”

“Yeah, I’m bloody pissed. How could she let herself get so distracted?” He finally stopped pacing.

“With all due respect, that is the dumbest question ever, Lt.” Soap stood before him. “Use your fucking brain, man.” After a moment of silence, Soap patted him on the shoulder.

“She’s in the infirmary,” he said, then walked away.

Ghost almost stopped him. What the fuck was he supposed to say to her?

You had curled up on the cot, facing the wall. At least here, you could cry peacefully. Heavy footsteps approached, and you felt as though you knew those footfalls. Then they stopped, so you closed your eyes.

“Soldier,” came a rough voice. Your eyes flew open, and you wanted to sink into the uncomfortable cushion. “I know you’re awake,” he rasped.

You sniffled quietly and quickly wiped any evidence of tears away before turning to him. The cot squeaked as you did.

“Sir?”

Ghost stood there awkwardly, looking taller than usual since you were lying down.

“Wanted to check on you. See if you need anything,” he said.

“No thanks.” You turned away again. Suddenly, the cot dipped dangerously as he sat down. Your body leaned towards him, and you tried your best to leave room.

“I’m not leaving til you tell me what’s going on,” he said, and you knew he was stubborn enough to sit there all night.

“Sir, I—”

“Ghost or Lt…okay?”

“Lt…there’s nothing wrong with me. I’m tired.” You shrugged, finally rolling onto your back to look at him. Most of the eye black had worn off, and his blond eyelashes were even more visible.

“I was a bit harsh back there, and I wanted to…hm…I wanted to say that wasn’t right of me…” he trailed off.

“I think the words you’re looking for are ‘sorry’ or ‘apologize,’” you teased.

“I’m trying my best ‘ere,” he snarled, his accent growing stronger.

“If you’re going to get angry, go. I’m too tired to argue, sir.” You tried rolling towards the wall again, but strong arms grabbed you and pinned you down by your shoulders.

“I’ll go after I tell you why I’m so angry. You could’ve gotten yourself killed, soldier! You weren’t focused, and that red dot…it…it was aimed right at your head. I couldn’t let…” he stammered, then shook his head, letting go of you.

“Well, at least you would have been able to get over it quickly since we’re not friends,” you bit out.

He glared at you. “Is that what’s bothering you? You got some growing up to do, love.”

You both froze at the sound of the pet name, but he didn’t try to correct himself.

“Fine. I’ll grow up,” you said.

It was quiet, and the cot squeaked as he stood and stormed away.

“God fuckin’ dammit!” he roared, throwing whatever he could get his hands across the room. Soap ducked, just missing being knocked in the head by something.

“I was gonna ask if everything was okay, but I think I know the answer,” he joked.

“Fuck off, Johnny.” Ghost sighed and sat on his cot. “What the fuck is wrong with me, mate?”

“I can think of a few things….” Soap began jokingly, but Ghost looked at him, and he got serious again.

“I…I don’t know how to talk to her. I get all…stupid. She makes me feel so many things. Dunno if I wanna scream at her or kiss her half the time.” Ghost didn’t do feelings. At least he didn’t think he did.

“So, what you’re telling me is you’re in love with her,” Soap said.

“I…what? No! I didn’t say that” Ghost scoffed.

“Don’t have to say it, lad.” Soap slapped him on the shoulder and walked over to his cot.

“I think I hurt her feelings, Johnny.” His voice was softer now.

“What did you do?”

“She said something about being friends, and I turned her down. Told her I don’t do the friend thing, just in case…I lose someone out there. Today, I almost did.” He sighed loudly.

“Yeah, and look how well you’re taking it even though she’s not your friend,” Soap said sarcastically.

Ghost only shrugged and then sighed before pushing up his mask just enough to scratch at the shadow of a beard that had grown.

“Love,” he scoffed.

“Yeah. I think you love her,” Soap quipped.

“I don’t do love,” Ghost told him.

“Aw, come on. That can’t be true.” Soap looked at his friend, and when he wouldn’t make eye contact, he became serious. “Simon…really?”

“I just don’t know how to do feelings?” He looked over at Soap. “Stop looking at me like that.”

“You know damn well how to do feelings, mate. You just don’t understand what you’re feeling. I’m telling you, you love her.”

“What the fuck am I supposed to do? I’m her superior. I can’t be in love with her.” He shook his head.

“That’s all up to you, mate. I’m going to sleep.”

Ghost was left alone with his thoughts and a sleepless night.

But he decided what he was going to do.

You woke up before anyone else, not that you actually slept. Your mind replayed the conversation you had with Ghost. He was impossible.

You snuck above ground to watch the sunrise, sitting down and hugging yourself against the cold.

“Good morning, soldier,” a familiar voice said, and you jumped to attention.

“Good morning, sir.”

“At ease,” Ghost said, and you sat back down. He stood above you awkwardly. “I need to tell you something.

Your heart beat faster, and your palms were sweaty. “Okay.”

“I…I’m reassigning you,” he said without emotion.

You looked up at him and then stood. “What?”

“I need you back at home base with the FBI.” He couldn’t look at the confusion and pain on your face, so he pretended to fix his tac vest.

“I want to be out here. I want to be in action. You know that, sir. You can’t do this to me,” you cried.

“I can. It’s an order,” he snapped. “You have a few hours to get ready.” Then he was walking away before you could say anything else.

“You what?” Soap asked, turning to Simon with a look of shock.

“I took her off the assignment,” he answered nonchalantly.

“Are you fucking mad? Where is she?”

Ghost checked his watch. “Probably waiting for her plane out of here.”

“You send her away all because you’re afraid of your feelings. You’re going to regret this, mate.” Soap stormed past him, making sure to bump him with his shoulder.

“Numpty!”

You turned to the voice and forced yourself to smile. “Hey,” you said quietly.

“Leaving, eh?” he asked, although he knew.

“Yeah. Ghost reassigned me,” you said sadly.

“Yeah, I know.” Soap stood beside you quietly. “There’s a reason he’s doing this. I can’t tell you what it is because that’s for him to do, but know it’s for a reason.”

“Yeah. It’s because he hates me,” you said. “I don’t think he’s ever really liked me.”

“Lass…I…forget it.” He hugged you. “I’ll see you back home, yeah?”

“Yeah.” You hugged him back, holding back tears. “See ya.”

Ghost was stepping off a helo on American soil a few weeks later. They had to play a waiting game now, which he hated the most.

It also meant that he was bound to see her at some point. That scared him more than anything. He wasn’t afraid of being wounded or dying, but he feared this woman—a woman who had made him feel things he didn’t think were possible.

Never mind that.

Honestly, he couldn’t wait to shower with hot water that didn’t run out before he was done.

He walked back to his quarters and hid from the world as he usually did when he wasn’t on a mission. He quickly stripped off his clothing, throwing them into a pile on the floor. The last thing to come off was his mask and balaclava, and then he felt genuinely naked.

He walked into the bathroom and flipped on the light. He always tried his best not to look in the mirror, but he couldn’t help himself.

He looked tired. The black circles under his eyes couldn’t be blamed on the eye black he always wore. He couldn’t count how many hours of sleep he had lost…

…over her.

He tried to tell himself it was because his adrenaline was pumping over taking someone down, but he was lying to himself.

He ran a hand through his messy hair that the balaclava had matted down.

“Fuckin’ idiot,” he whispered before walking over to the shower and turning it on. Hot.

He stepped in, hissing against the heat but eventually getting used to it. He deserved the pain, didn’t he?

The water going down the drain was brown and black. He watched it spin and spin until it disappeared. Then he put his head under the stream of water and closed his eyes, putting his hands against the wall in front of him for balance. His dog tags swung freely, clinking together quietly.

He thought of her saying his name. Not sir. His given name. Simon. How lovely it would sound coming from her lips. The only name she would call him now is asshole, most likely.

But he liked seeing the feisty side of her. He knew she could stand her ground no matter how nervous she was around him.

“You love her.” Soap’s words rang in his ears. He reached down and turned the knob for the hot water off, letting the shower get ice cold as he stood under it without moving.

You couldn’t stop thinking about him. All the showers in the world couldn’t wash the thoughts of him away.

You stood against the wall of the shower and closed your eyes.

“God, I wish I didn’t miss him,” you whispered to the water.

Suddenly, there was a pounding on your door.

“Open up, ya numpty!”

“Soap!” you squealed, turning the shower off quickly and hopping out. You wrapped yourself in a towel and ran to the door.

“Johnny boy!” you shouted when you swung the door open.

He hugged you. “Told you I’d see you soon.” He pulled back. “You’re all wet.”

“I know that.” You rolled your eyes. “Are…all of you back?” you asked.

“Yeah, why?”

“No reason. Just wondering. It’ll be nice seeing everyone’s face again,” you said.

“Even the faces you can’t see?” he asked.

“Don’t.” You shook your head.

“Both of you are the most stubborn bastards ever,” he said, exasperated. “You two just need to sit down and talk.”

“He sent me away, John. I doubt he wants to talk to me.”

“You two better figure something out, or I’ll make it happen myself.”

You looked at him. “What does that mean?”

“Dunno, but I don’t think you should risk finding out.”

“You can be the absolute worst sometimes, you know that?”

Ghost paced his room, thinking hard about what to say to her. How she was convinced to come to him was beyond even the most inquisitive minds.

There was a soft knock at his door, and it made his heart pound. He pulled his balaclava down over his face and walked to the door, taking a deep breath before opening it.

“Um…good evening, sir,” she said hesitantly.

“Evenin’. Please.” He gestured into his room, and she walked in. “Well, I guess we should talk.”

“Yes, we should.”

You looked around his room, and it was exactly what you expected—clean and orderly with almost perfect precision.

You felt as though you were in some forbidden place.

“You can sit if you like,” he said gruffly.

“Sir.” You sat in the chair at his small desk.

He cleared his throat and sat across from you on his bed. “Well…”

“Well?”

“Johnny wants us to talk. Not sure about what,” he lied.

“I don’t know, but I have a question.” You waited for him to look at you. “Why did you send me home?”

He sighed loudly and rubbed his thighs. “I’m…not sure if I have a reason.”

“I think I’d be less angry if you did have a reason, sir.” The volume of your voice began to rise.

He seemed to be hesitant to say something.

“Oh, for the love of—”

“You’re a bloody distraction!” he shouted, and you jumped.

“Excuse me? A distraction?”

“Aye, a distraction. You…you just…”

“Well, you are ridiculously mean to me, sir. I know you don’t like me very much, but you could at least pretend to want to work with me when we’re out in the shit. I don’t like being treated like a child, getting sent away like I’m being put on time out!”

You were breathing heavily, and your vision was blurry, tears swimming in your eyes.

“You’re wrong about me not liking you,” he mumbled.

“Yeah, right,” you scoffed.

“It’s…quite the opposite,” he blurted.

“I just wish you’d—wait, what?” You couldn’t have heard him right.

“I like you, all right? I think I like you too much,” he admitted.

“You show me you ‘like’ me by sending me as far away from you as possible?”

“You nearly died right in front of me! You were distracted because of me, and I was distracted because…I almost lost you,” he said. His voice was softer somehow.

“I don’t understand, Ghost.” You stood and paced, shaking your head. “You like me? Then why…”

“I don’t know how to deal with how I feel about you. I’m not even sure I’ve been in-” He stopped himself, and you froze in place.

“Ghost…” you whispered.

“Look at me.” He shrunk in defeat, making himself look smaller. “I’m one tough motherfucker, but I don’t even know how to handle…feelings.”

You stared at him dumbfounded. He couldn’t be saying what you thought he was. You sat beside him—something you would never have attempted if you were in your right mind.

“Sir…”

“Ghost,” he corrected, “Or Lt.”

“Ghost. I’m not sure what to say.” You looked into his eyes, and the intensity burned hotter than hell. His eyes had gone almost black, making his blond eyelashes look even brighter.

“You don’t have to say anything. What I feel isn’t right. It ain’t proper.” He blinked slowly.

“Ghost, can you say it? Say what you mean without so many words.” Any other time his words were curt and straight to the point. He chose now to talk in circles.

“I like you. I think I more than like you. Is that better?” he asked.

You nodded. “Okay. I like you too, Ghost.”

“You do?” He sounded surprised. “Even after what I did to you?”

“Well, I do kinda wanna punch you in the face for that, but now that I know…I’m not as angry.”

He sighed in relief, chuckling awkwardly. “So…”

“You ever take that thing off?” you asked suddenly.

“Negative. Well…at particular times, yes. If I’m alone when eating, then I will take it off. When I sleep and when I shower,” he told you, and you looked down at your fingers.

“Can I…Can I touch it…touch you?” you asked nervously.

“Um…yeah. All right.” He looked into your eyes as you slowly reached out, letting only your fingertips touch the material first. You dragged your finger around the opening for his eyes, over his nose, down to his jaw.

“Is that okay?” you asked.

“Yeah.”

You cupped his face, and he swallowed hard. “Look at me, Ghost.” His eyes slowly met yours again.

“You want me to take it off?” he wondered.

“No. I’d never ask that of you.” You dropped your hands.

“I’m sorry for what I did. I was a fucking idiot,” he admitted.

“I think I called you that a few times,” you teased, and you saw a hint of a smile in his eyes.

“Yeah, well, I deserve it.”

“When’s the last time you kissed someone?” you asked confidently. His eyes widened slightly.

“Kissed? I don’t know.” He shrugged. “Not exactly at the top of my list of things to do.”

“Do you want to kiss me?”

If you could read his mind, you would know that he wanted to do so much more than that.

“I think I do, yeah.”

“Kiss me then,” you said, moving closer to him. You had no idea where this confidence was coming from, but you were going to hold onto it for as long as possible.

“Think of it as one way to apologize to me,” you told him. You watched eagerly as he slid the balaclava up, revealing his stubbled jaw and full lips.

“Come ‘ere.” He pulled you even closer and then captured your lips with his. For someone who didn’t think of kissing much, he sure knew how to. You moaned quietly against his lips.

“This is so wrong,” he murmured into the kiss.

“Shut up.” You kissed him harder, making him grunt in surprise.

“Who’re you tellin’ to shut up, soldier?” He kissed you before you could answer, slipping his tongue into your mouth.

You didn’t know when or how you ended up on your back, but you didn’t care. You were caged in by him, a pleasant weight keeping you here on earth.

“So, you said that…kissing you was one way I could apologize to you. You got another?” he asked, looking down at your lips.

“If you think a kiss is wrong, then I doubt you want to know.” You lifted your head to try and kiss him, but he pulled away.

“Tell me. That’s an order, miss.”

“You could…touch me,” you said quietly.

“Touch you? Where?”

You took his big hand and put it on your face before moving it down, his fingers ghosting over your lips. Without thinking, you opened your mouth and let two of his fingers slip in.

“Fuck,” he grunted.

You kept them there for a while before moving his hand down to your covered breasts and holding it there.

“You want me to touch you here?” he asked. You nodded. “You’re gonna have to use words, love.”

“Yes. I want you to touch me there.” You arched into his hand, but then he moved it.

His fingers played with the hem of your shirt. “May I?”

“Yeah.” You sat up and let him pull your shirt off. He stared at you as though he hadn’t seen a woman in her bra before.

“Everything okay?” you asked.

“Yeah, I just want to remember everything,” he told you, carefully reaching around you and unclasping your bra. You let it slip off and nearly covered yourself, but seeing how he looked at you made you feel bold.

“Sir?” you called, and he shut his eyes.

“Don’t do that,” he said in a strained voice. He quickly adjusted the front of his pants, and you smirked.

“Sorry.”

“No, you’re not.” He opened his eyes and squinted at your smirk.

“No, I’m not,” you laughed, but just for a moment because he was kissing you again in a flash. You were flat on your back, and though you wanted to feel his lips on yours forever, he moved away to kiss down to your neck. It was like he knew exactly where to kiss because he had you making sounds you hadn’t made in God knows how long.

“You’re going to leave a mark, sir,” you teased.

“That’s the fuckin’ point, ain’t it, love?” He bit down on your neck lightly, and you whimpered. At this point, he could leave a mark wherever he wanted, and you would thank him for it.

His lips trailed down between your breasts, then kissed over to one.

“Eyes on me, soldier,” he commanded. As soon as your eyes met his, he dragged his tongue along your nipple and then wrapped his lips around it.

“God!” you cried, then quickly put a hand over your mouth. “Sorry. Don’t stop.” You put your hand on the back of his head, imagining how his hair would feel between your fingers. He moved to the other breasts and showed it the same appreciation.

“Fucking perfect, aren’t you?” His big hands pushed your breasts together, then let them go.

“Aren’t you gonna take anything off?” you wondered. “And I don’t mean the balaclava.”

You were nearly salivating, thinking about how he looked under his clothes. He was broad and beautiful, so you knew you were in for a treat.

“Are you shy?” you asked as he hesitated.

“No. I have…scars,” he said.

“Of course you do, but do you think I care? I just wanna see you.” You sat up. “Want me to look away while you undress?” you offered.

“No, I want you to help me,” he said. He stood off the bed, and you sat on your knees to reach him.

“You sure?” you asked, your hands wavering.

“Yeah.” He watched as your hands moved slowly to the hem of his shirt.

“Arms up, soldier,” you said playfully. He lifted his arms, and you slowly pulled the shirt up and off.

“You’re perfect,” you told him. “I knew you’d be.” You kissed the scar on his collarbone, and he sighed. You climbed off the bed and kissed him gently before moving lower, kissing every scar you came across.

Then you were on your knees.

“What are you doing to me?” he groaned, staring down at you eagerly. You looked into his eyes as you loosened his belt, then went for the button and zipper on his pants.

Boxer briefs. You knew it. The pants fell from his waist, and now he was just as naked as you. From what you could see through the boxer briefs, he was a perfect size.

“You stayin’ down there?” he asked, tilting his head.

“Want me to?” You palmed him gently, and he hissed. Your mouth watered at the thought of being full of him. You pulled on the waistband of his underwear and slowly pulled down. There he was in all his glory.

You kissed his hipbones and thighs, teasing him a little.

“Are you teasing me?” he asked, gently grabbing you by the chin.

“I don’t know.” You trailed little kisses up and down his shaft, and he groaned loudly.

“It’s been a while, love. Go easy on me, will ya?”

“I’ll think about it.” You opened your mouth and slipped it around him slowly.

“Blood fucking ‘ell,” he grunted, his hand moving to the back of your head. “If this is how your mouth feels, then I can only imagine what inside of you feels like.”

Your pussy clenched at his words, and you bobbed your head faster on him.

“We could get in so much trouble for this,” he breathed. “But I don’t even fucking care right now.”

You pulled off him. “Me neither.”

He reached down, grabbed his cock, then traced your lips with the head.

“Shit. Get up here.”

You stood quickly, only for him to toss you onto the bed. He was quick to get your pants and panties off and even quicker to get his head between your legs.

“Ohhh fuck yes!” you cried as he dipped his tongue into you, then swirled it around your clit. “You know what you’re doing.”

“My mouth ain’t just for barking orders,” he said before diving back in, slurping at you like he was dying of thirst. You squirmed, but he put a hand on your stomach to keep you still.

You saw stars already, grinding yourself against his tongue.

“Go on, love, fuck my tongue. Use it.”

“Ghost…” you whimpered as you held his head in place and rubbed yourself all over his tongue. His eyes stayed on you. It was so intense. Too intense. You cried out and tried to push him away as you came, but he latched onto your clit and sucked and licked at it until you couldn’t take anymore. He kissed your pussy repeatedly and then finally came up for air.

Once he was level with you again, he crushed his lips against yours, making sure you could taste yourself.

“Inside me,” you breathed between kisses.

“Hm?” he grunted, teasing you.

“I need you inside me.”

“What if I’m not gentle?” he asked.

“Who said anything about being gentle?”

He made a noise akin to a growl and then sat up on his knees. He grabbed you and turned you over carefully, so you were on your stomach.

“You ready for me?” he asked, and you looked back at him.

“Yes, sir.” You watched as he licked his hand and then stroked himself a few times before straddling the backs of your thighs and pushing into you slowly.

The stretch was so good that you swore you were going to cry.

“Yesssssssss,” you hissed.

“Taking me so well,” he told you just as he bottomed out. He pressed against you and laced his fingers with yours before pulling out and slamming back in. Once he saw that you could handle him, he picked up his pace.

He let go of your hands and caged you in with his arms as he pounded you into the mattress. You cried out and moaned with every thrust, pushing against him, so the sound of slapping skin was even louder.

“You’re a good fucking girl, aren’t you?” he groaned. “Not gonna last long,” he warned.

“Don’t care. Fuck me!”

“I got a better idea.” He pulled out of you and sat before pulling you onto his lap. “How about you fuck me?”

“Yes, sir.” You reached back and held his cock up as you slid yourself back onto him. You held onto his knees and bounced on him.

“Fuck yes,” he moaned, then slapped your ass. “Feels like you don’t wanna let me go.”

“Maybe I don’t,” you whined, bouncing on him harder.

He pulled you back against him so that your back was against his chest and wrapped his arms around you.

“Fine with me,” he said before thrusting up into you like his life depended on it. He turned your head with his free hand so that you were looking over your shoulder and kissed you hard. It was sloppy and uncoordinated, but it didn’t matter.

“I’m gonna cum,” he breathed in your ear. “Where? Hm?”

“Inside. Cum inside of me, Simon.”

“Ah fuck!” He gritted his teeth and fucked up into you. Before long, his thrusts faltered, stopping altogether as he pushed deep into you and filled you. It felt like he would never stop, and even when he did, he kept thrusting and swirling his hips weakly.

He rested his head against your back and caught his breath.

“I want to stay inside you forever,” he said breathlessly.

You both eventually peeled yourselves away from one another and showered together. Now you were lying in his bed, tracing his scars.

“You think we should tell Johnny?” he asked.

“No way! We wouldn’t hear the end of it then. Let’s leave him in the dark. Pretend to be mad at each other for a little longer,” you suggested.

“I like the way you think,” he said.

You looked up at him—he still hadn’t pulled down his balaclava. You wondered if he even noticed.

You kissed along his jaw, the stubble pricking your lips slightly.

“Is it wrong that I want you to stay tonight?” he asked.

“No. I’ll stay if you want,” you told him.

“Thank you,” he murmured.

Maybe letting you stay was his way of making up for the time he sent you away.

Whatever it was, you savored it. It felt natural to be in his arms, almost like you were always meant to be there.

[part II]

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