#I hope everyone else is doing well tho!
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Day 221
Sorry about how late todays is, school has started and I am kind of suffering so unfortunately I can't do a big one for Pearls absolutely gigantic build oh my gosh but! I think she should have a matching flower in her hair I think that'd be cute
#daily pearl doodles#pearlescentmoon#hermitcraft#mod morph#algorithms is absolutely crushing me#and this is only the first week aaaaaaa#I hope everyone else is doing well tho!
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Hiya! I hope you're doing well today! I love your characters and how you've structered their bios! Since Chuusday is listed first, is she technically your official WOL or is it someone else? Do you canonically have a WOL in the first place?
Also, I find it SO sweet that you and one of your partners both play FFXIV and have characters paired together ;w; Did you meet ingame or long before either of you started playing? Either way I wish you both the best!!! <3 - gardenofballads 🌻
Awaaaah! Im doing pretty ok!!! Taking time to answer this as a wind down from Emerald Weapon Ex Brain Soupage. And I’m so glad! ;W; I think I butchered one of those “Get To Know An OC” thingies- uhh… oh [this one] actually! I chopped a lot out and I think added a couple different thingums instead because there was so much to that that it felt overwhelming to try to look at let alone fill out LOL but it was a really good jumping off point uvu;
And!!! Hilariously Chuu was my First XIV Character, so she’s dear to my heart for being the first one- but she very quickly made it known being the WOL even as an AU was something of a Joke (Her character showed great reluctance and even frustration at having to do So Much World Saving, maybe a side-effect of me rushing through MSQ to catch up with my other spouse [Who plays Talia, though they’ve got less time for XIV these days ;0;] and the rest of my friends who were all EndGame already at the time in Shadowbringers fhdjfjsjfs.) So I made…… many alts. Throwing spaghetti at the wall but I have SEVERE side-character/NPC brain and kept making “supporting cast” types =w=; it actually took me like. 3? Alts before making an ACTUAL WoL with my husband (Ishi’li and Kizuna) (as of Right Meow, they’re in post ARR, but we’ve been working on Keathan and Tuesday together because Keathan was… Keathan’s first character in xiv XD so we’ve been jaunting through the story together and experiencing every inch of it so we can pick and choose what The Boys™ get up to when we wanna focus on them x3)
🥰 I knew both speece during at least high school- but I actually knew Keathan as early as Elementary school hehe 😌 tho the speece didn’t proper marry until… i’unno, 2017? (For frustrating legal reasons, I’m not legally married, but. As it goes. Someday we’ll have money to visit the one state that has legal poly marriages. Also I struggle to remember our wedding year 🫢)
Since managing to make a Co-WoL with my husband I’ve managed to make one other Alt meant to be a Solo-WoL (Mochiie) but I have to really wrinkle my brain to sink time into playing him, since I’m trying to take screenshots throughout the story at what I find to be inspiring beats xD And even still he has an alt-universe where he’s just a side-character for the ‘Main Timeline’ (where there’s a bunch of spaghetti and like 8+ confirmed WoL’s and the Msq entourage looks HILARIOUS in canon, someday I’ll get all the data together and take pictures, but I think it’ll cook what’s left of my brain x’3) [it’s less concrete than anything I’ve posted about before or I’d try to explain it ;v;’ it’s just interesting mostly to see how the story gets stretched to fit around a larger community of heroes than a solo guy shouldering the whole burden lmfao.]
🌸🌸🌸…. I also hope you’re having a lovely week @gardenofballads !!!! I am tossing flower petals into the air around you !!! Thank you for the ask and well wishes n kind words 🥺💖 🌸🌸🌸
#ask game#day-2-day#I have serious Alt Disease as well which doesn’t help much XD#tho I try to justify it by making them a variety of races/genders/classes so I’m not just making 15 similar guys in different color palettes#like some kinda smash game…. LMFAO.#it helps some tho cos they get to flesh out and add meat color and history to The Boys+Co’s adventures/histories/stories uvu like Lev….)#Solkmyna and Swydghem who are true NPC alts of mine are even slotted into post ShB…#🫢 but they’re mostly just fun for me to occasionally chew on like a squeaky toy#tangy is schroedingers WoL. both is and Isn’t. could be The WoL if the au called for it but also works perfectly as just a Scion instead#…. wordy tags… my bad… ANYWAYS FR HOPE YOUR DAY/NIGHT IS NICE AND PLEASANT#I gotta stare blankly at the ceiling now while trying to retain mechanics but not pressed against the display glass of my brain#🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺💖‼️#spawn speece#also yes there is something deeply strange wired in my brain where I link to sources but not super consistently like some kinda bad wiki pag#if I had stuff for Keathan + Kizuna to link to tbh I’d link to it here too LOL.#when I get ahold of Talia and Setsuna I’ll probably make little reference posts- not really Bio’s cos they’re not my blorbs#they’re my partners blorbs; but it might be handy to have a frame of reference to point at beyond vague name dropping#actually I love linking to names because my memory is just so piss poor. why not just make it easier for everyone else also#I know I have 185756328 OC’s xbdnfjdnfsnfjs so.#I have to do this for one of my friends uvu; bad memory havers rise up
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I miss Jackson's Diary season two.
#it was my favorite season by far#s3 has been... good#but it could be better#i feel like david's trauma isn't being handled well#there are moments where it is don't get me wrong#but i feel like the last season built such a climax around it and now it's not being talked about enough#and some of it feels like it's being used for jackson's character development#(and even a bit for exer's character development (tho mostly jackson's))#like#it's used for him to feel guilty#like “oh no i created this mess it's all my fault!”#and tho we hear from david's pov it's not much#also i feel like the dialogue this season has been a bit... clunky#it's like everyone's lives revolve around jackson's well-being#and every conversation seems to be about that#and also i think kenda would be better as friends#i do like their dynamic and i do know they're probably be endgame#but i would like them more as a platonic duo#tbh i'm reading it more for dexer than anything else#anyways i hope it gets a lil bit better as the season evolves just wanted to share my thoughts a bit#(this is in no way a jd and/or paola hate post i still love jd with all my heart this has just been in my head for a while)
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i hope ur all ready for a random, short-lived-but-super-intense pyramid head hyperfixation,,,,,,,,,
i’m half kidding
#i’m SO excited for sh2 remake#like the reviews are surprisingly good#i think the fanboys might review bomb it anyway but#i’m interested to hear the fans’ opinions#tho now everyone on reddit seems to be super excited all of a sudden#which is great!!!!!!!#i hope everyone enjoys it#i love the aesthetics like if nothing else they really captured the LOOK well#it’s so stunning#anyway!!! sorry for being MIA!!! this week was WILD but in a very good way#hope everyone is doing fab!! <3#clari chatters
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ah shit only just realised its september now.... lets hope the rest of this month isn't like this.....
#just med shit innit. gonna force myself up at my usual work time even tho i have the day off bc I need to be in my routine or ill lose it#i am. very tired and very sad. and thats ok generally im ok ive been keeping myself so busy for weeks and weeks#and im glad im going out n doing shit often n meeting new ppl n trying to focus more on hobbies n get more on the life balance#but whenever i have a moment to stop i still get so sad. ik exactly why theyre all just old aches n wounds i dont want to wallow in them!!#lately its been well under control i only usually have one actual bad day a week and sometimes its not even a whole day#and the rest im.just busy and i dont know if im just avoiding things and its not satisfying being busy bc im still missing out needs#but i cant fulfil them so might as well stay busy and not think about it!!#and its okay its all okay im just so sad right now :-( but im going to sleep soon and then ill be busy tmr so i dont have to think abt it#i wanna ventpost abt it but also i dont rly want to bc findinf the words to talk abt the things distressing me involves thinking abt it#which will just.make me feel worse. and it wont resolve anything bc its all mostly outside of my control anyway just hurts innit#but im trying hard to make my life bigger than it was before even if its still shallow and not quite enough at least it covers more space#yeah yeah we all want to feel genuine connection and wanted and loved but life doesnt often work out like that so.#hands in your pockets player keep it moving. im goiny to brush my teeth and then rly need to go to bed zzzzz#.diaries#hope everyone else had a nice weekend i had a pretty good saturday at least. and played a lot of videogames today so could be worse#very glad i dont have work tomorrow as well thank u past me for booking it off ahh..
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✧˖°.
#honestly why would anyone ever want me as a gf#i was stupid for getting my hopes up and it's my own fault#i shouldnt have been banking on smth and hoping on it when it was never even outspoken#it hurts a lot and it will take me a long time to move past it tho it just is that way#but like for almost a year i've been thinking abt only that and him every single day#and now i know that it'll never happen and those feelings will never go anywhere#but yeah idk i've never been able to feel like i'd ever have a place in this world.. and i hoped...#well. thats only my problem.. but well i dont know#i just feel so so so so so lonely and i just dont have anyone i dont have anyone#and i hve to move soon or im gonna end up homeless bc my mom's leaving me too#everyone leaves me behind to be all alone and i just dont know how to even want to go on when all always be alone#idk it makes me feel insane when i have to move to a new city away from my mom when my mom's the only one in my life#what am i supposed to do when im actually all alone#and it isnt that easy for me. it's hard for everyone but for me with avpd it is even harder#idk i just held on to that future everyday for 10 months it was the only comfort i had and the only thing i wanted#idk how to let go of it bc theres nothing else i want T-T#and it does .. trigger all my bpd feelings bc i#am abandoned and left and unimportant and idk i just will never ever be the one person for anyone and it just#sucks and hurts so much :(((((
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haven't been feeling 100 so i've just be hiding out
#still not feeling well either#but it is what it is#i hope everyone else is doing well tho <3 take care!
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One of the most beautiful things Deltarune story has is the fact that you cannot remove its tragedy, because it's thru that very same that hope and love is born. You cannot change the past but you can take what you learnt and thru it build a brighter future.
#luly talks#some things are rough and nasty but they need to happen so lessons can be learnt and so one can grow from them#its a game about the importance of mistakes and you see it everywhere#like i tapped on this lightly today in a post about spamton#for as tragic and painful as his fate was it needed to happen#he needed to try it. to try reach heaven#se tenia que sacar el gusto como quien dice KSJGHBNUY#half joke because yeah like.he had to do it and realize thru his own actions that he was reaching for the impossible#and thru that he grew and was like well maybe i can at least do something else#same with the ending of chapter 1#ralsei had to heal the king to understand that you cannot be good to everyone. even if it costed everyone's lives.#hell EVEN WITH US in one moment i adore in the ending of chapter 2#when you're talking to catty (katty?) and threre's that dialogue option about family#and i dont remember the specifics but its so normal to pick the ah family is good tho <:) option#bc taht's what we would think yeah. but she makes it very clear that that's not something kris would say#and when i first saw that i was MORTIFIED like omg im gonna get a bad grade in being Kris#but... i think its part of this all too. because we are learning how kris is. how they even were before us.#had we not fucked up maybe we'd have not know that#this is a game about doom and hope both <333333333#deltarune
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Thinking abt spiraling upwards side characters again. Charredpelt my absolute beloved
#rat rambles#spiraling upwards#warriors posting#girlies who are trying so soooo hard to support womens wrongs but the wrongs are that their wife is cheating on them#and now she cant even get closure cause said wife is dead along with the man she cheated on her for#like charredpelt isnt stupid she knows these cats too well but thats exactly why she keeps to this day justifying them to herself#all while living as the sole parent to their children#the worst part is that if she had just been properly talked to abt it first she probably would have been ok with it#but she wasnt. she didnt even get the choice to set up boundaries#for the record shes my favorite cragclan cat and has been since she came out as trans lol#shout out to daisystar tho my boy is so cute and also so messed up <3#and egretpaw and furzepaw ofc get honerable mentions but theyre main characters so ofc I've thought a lot abt them#but yeah for cragclan I deliberately chose out cats I hoped would kill eachother and instead they just got into a bunch of love traingles#and then I made eagle clan with the same goal with a bloodthirsty deputy but then conestar just loved everyone and was loved by everyone#hell the one cat who disliked her at first is her wife now girlie is just sitting here loving her wife and family#I honestly couldn't tell you who my favorites in any other clan is tbh#I do adore most of elmclan but I cant say theres anyone I like that much more than everyone else#like honeystar is definitely the one who caught my attention first due to her hashtag trauma playing out in real time right away#but also thistlepeak and whimsygoose are sooooo silly I love them quiet kitty and their loud rude kitty husband#oh and also pumpkin shes not that deep of a character I just think shes cute#for eagleclan I cannot lie to you I barely remember anyone in there atm but I do love conestar shes so silly#and minkclan is another hard one caus they're the first one I made so I have a lot of love for basically all of them#but blazebelly was my og favorite shes like charredpelt but instead of having a wife cheating on her it never got past a one sided crush#and lightnip is also a current fave of mine shes so mean I love her#ratstar has always been one of my favorites of all the clans tho shes just so silly and incompetent#and shout out to nightfur for being the only cat I've ever seen generate with romantic feelings towards a cat#it was for my default dead cat raincinder who is also a shitty asshole but that just means nightfur is tragic now <3#oh yeah I should probably provide more exicit context on the clangen stuff huh#basically I made the four main clans in clangen and used the gameplay as a skeleton for backstory and worlduilding#building off of premade characters and concepts has always been one of my favorite things (as seen by how many randomized aus Ive done)
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what are some episodic anime you'd recommend? something niche, because all the popular ones i plan to watch, well... someday but not today lol. maybe something casual/chill, if that makes sense. but doesn't have to be like that necessarily 👍
#i'm so freaking BORED and sick out of my mind#keep sniffing and coughing and hacking and shittinf and pissiht ansdbwiwbsiwbwodhfb#can't taste anything either nooo#i haven't been in this sick in years! i thought i was immune... ah well#hope everyone else's doing better tho 👍 let the sickness pass you all by#quacks
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HeLLOOO <3 I just wanted to pop on here and let yall know that I might be quiet for a few days to a week, depending on how things go - but primarily because I was caught out in the rain on friday and caught something jgfdjdfg so !! I don't have much energy to expend both ooc or ic atm, i apologize; I'll try n do some things here and there but don't be too surprised if I dip for awhile or like, randomly while we're talking (im so sorry LOL)
#( ooc )#( tbd )#my brain is absolutely all over the place rn#I slept til like 1?? then took another surprise nap around 4 til 6 kfksfdjf OOP#if I still feel yucky I might just call into work tomorrow as well honestly so I can just rest some more#all that being said tho!! always accepting memes and the like - if u have any ideas in particular that u wanna plot out hmu as well!!#I might be a bit slow but I am awake (for now FJGDFg)#ALSO THOUGH +++ i have my first endocrinologist appointment this thursday so heres hoping ??#all goes well there as well???#thatll be a stress thing eating my brain space til it happens jfdgfiddf#but !! boy juice in the near future!! woo#it only took like 12 years of people pleasing to decide to do it for myself and fuck everyone else JYHDUJJGF
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Prior to sending the ask I was just guessing what matrophobia meant based on the root words but I looked it up after and went ohhhh and then you confirmed that extra dimension to it and I went OHHHHH
I think that gets to the heart of what I've been thinking about, that bittersweetness, because despite his best efforts... of course he could never end up anything like Yoko, but he still ended up with an abusive "household." Because in addition to Masato ending up how he did, he has to see those same situations play out, feel that same tension in the air between Jo and Ichi, over and over for almost a decade straight.
Like, in a way, he's forced to put himself in Toshio's shoes when that happens. He can't really get through to Jo, in the same way Toshio can't get through to Yoko, but he can try to step in before lasting damage is done, and he can try to make it bearable for his son. You know. Have a nice talk. Treat him to Peking duck. I'm SO normal about the (drawn-out) parallels of those scenes
So then with Jo... he kind of does become his father, even if he never wanted to (no one wants to), both through his ruinous neglect of Masato at birth and through how he comes to look at discipline and corporal punishment. I'm sure it's not lost on him in Masato's case (owww), but with Ichi, it's not like he has any reason to see him as his son... But How Far Can That Take You.
Because it's like, at the start, he was openly beating Ichi in front of Arakawa and not letting up much when Arakawa intervened. But then you have The Yubitsume Scene and Arakawa walking in on All That and... he looks sorry. Sorry for being caught, probably, but sorry nonetheless. Like... what changed between then and now... have you two had a Heartfelt Conversation... do you know where Arakawa got that scar... are you unable to change your "nature" even then...
Side note bro your SHOE is the size of his TORSO I promise you do not need to kick him with all the strength you've got like what the hell is this 😭😭😭
BUT ALL THAT ASIDE thank you so much for delving into the symbolism! Wonderful read. I don't really have an eye for symbolism, so that makes it all the more enjoyable to revisit the comic and everything with what you've gone into. I think a lot of your experiences resonate with mine, so conversely I'm not sure what others would take away from it, BUT I think there's enough there that's so insightful and evocative that it's effective without personal experience. I don't think there's anything I could add, so. Yeah. For once I am happy to sit back and take it all in... On that note, definitely looking forward to your next comic!
AUUUGH YEAAAH YEAHEYA HYEAH THAT EXACTLY OUUUGH OWIEE OWW.....
that's literally it though. like no extra notes. except The Obligatory Few i dont think it was an accident that arakawa is set up as the beginning of the game's 'protagonist' and planting that 'troubled family' taste first thing in our mind. i remember how i felt when i first saw arakawa walk in on jo and ichi and then arakawa taking ichi out for dinner i was just like🧍♂️Girl No The Cycle.... It's Continuing...... //screams// LIKE UGH IT WAS SO GOOD BUT ALSO OWWW STOPPP and then on the REPLAY it just hurts more cause with the added context to jo's character its like Oh No...... You're Your Father's Son....
and youre right: jo doesn't have an implicit reason to see how he treats ichi is wrong, hence he similarly doesnt have any reason to stop- not unless arakawa intervenes of course (and i will stand outside my window thinking of the possibility arakawa ever did try to have A Conversation with jo... arms folded behind my back and all like Man™️....)
oh but yeah, absolutely no problem ! im lowkey of an egotist so i do like to talk bout the stuff i make. More In Depth (though thats obvious considering the fuckin essays in the tags i always leave ☠️☠️) gerjlgaELKjg. so i was happy to explain ♪(´▽`) !! what i like about symbolism is that it can be intentional or not, and the fun is always finding it just by chance. i cant explain it properly, but i just think its a neat 'seasoning' of sorts to drawings (❁´◡`❁)
#long post#snap chats#everyone in rgg got flipper shoes i stg tho like evey time i look at everyones renders i gotta point it out to myself 😭#speaking of. The Cycle. and Personal Experiences. arakawa walkin in on jo and ichi esp hits cause thats def a thing thats happened to mysel#its insane how one woman terrorizes my whole family but no cause i remember my mom would tear me a new one. Metaphorically#or she'd be pissed at my sis and i and my sis would just take us out for lunch and we'd talk bout it#Unsurprisingly my dad would do that for me growin up and he was there#i used to visit him on weekends when he lived nearby and those were my Peking Duck dinners in a sense#he'd just do his best to make sure i felt at home and making sure. i was cared for for once LMAO#so yeah to see that repeat in my family with my sister taking the role of my dad its like ow...#OH YEAH NO ITS BEEN A HOT YEAR SINCE I SAID HOW HARD IT WAS FOR ME TO GET THROUGH THE BEGINNING OF Y7 HUH#it hurts a lot to watch masumi's backstory since it's EXTREMELY personal and hits too close to home but i watch it anyway 🥴#probably the first and only time a piece of media can actually 'trigger' me that badly i guess. how lame#i think ive updated my villain origin story enough tho. im sorry you also had a shit mom If Im Assuming Right#i wish it was easy to deal with bad parents but. well. if it was we wouldnt have them amiright#the best i can do is vent how i feel and at least try to have people in similar situations as me feel. understood. as corny as that sounds#its a little heinous to say Im Glad Our Experiences Are Similar cause id never wish my experiences on anyone else#but i guess i mean to say im glad we can understand each other in that regard#on a semi-better note. please dont hope for the comic anytime soon i only just finished sketching set pieces ( ´◡` ;;;)#I GOT DISTRACTED AGAAAINNNNN also its very cold and i dont work well in the cold. s'cause my fingers get all stiff EW#but i WILL have this one done i have too many abandoned projects i aint abandoning another one#with that in mind its funny you mention arakawas scar cause i did have a tiny baby thing in mind with it#nothing sad or serious this time just somethin cute even. if THAT ever happens we'll see it but yeah. just another funny case of Timing#alright bye bye for now i should work on this. after i answer your second ask HANG ON ILL SEE YOU THERE--
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my flatmate asking me the day before "do u want to hang out w me and [old friend] everyone else cancelled so I can invite u now" is not the heartfelt offer she thinks it is :^/
#what am i sloppy seconds. fuck off man#i like them both but im not in the place to socialise rn + also it just feels kinda mean. theyve had these plans for weeks#and i wasnt invited bc some of their other friends (who ive never met) didnt want me there which is fair enough ig#even tho their friends complained abt someone else bringing her bf but they both blocked the veto for that. pretty sure ik them-#better than some guy but whatever. i dont rly like their friends anyway bc they only ever have bad things to say abt them#like damn they sound like they have the emotional range of toddlers plus theyre all into shit like genshin. so i wasnt fazed abt it#hope they have a nice time etc but wow sure now theyve cancelled the day before u can invite me as a replacement. yeah thatll do wonders#for the social and self esteem issues i have around being single use and disposable and always on the outside etc yippee#the thing is if i go theyll just talk to each other anyway and leave me to be the fly on the wall like they always do. they dont want#me there they just want an audience i literally have nothing else to contribute i dont think they even like me that much so!#anyway complaint over. genuinely i hope they have a nice time im just annoyed at being treated like that + probably projecting a bit too#its not like i could go if i wanted to anyway bc i have shit to sort out + mail to wait for. maybe next time invite me from the start huh#we had another old friend visit last weekend but those plans were really made without me too and i was just added bc i Live Here so its#kind of unavoidable. but oh well whatever it was nice to see them either way#im too depressed rn to fix my social life or even rely on existing coping strategies in social situations so im having to temporarily#cut it back bc i get too trigger sensitive + dont want to hurt myself or others bc of an arbitrary emotional overreaction#its usually one of the first things to go when im Going Thru It not in a self isolating way but more bc its one of the hardest things#for me to maintain + im pretty self sufficient so its not absolutely crucial. like of course i love my friends but socialising is a#want not a need yknow. eating/sleeping/exercising/hygiene are all more fundamental parts of the engine so i gotta prioritise them#and it sucks but ill survive. anyway sorry for venting on everyones dash so early in the morning i woke up grumpy 👎#i need to get breakfast and then go out. ughhhhhhh okay.#.vent
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two weeks and change until art fight!! my profile is ready to go for round three.....let’s all punch and get punched together..... 💕
#i'm gunning for a record break this year and maybe an even fifty total attacks heeheehee#i'm in it to win it baby!! team whatever team i'm on this year let's gooooo#if you're participating let's kill each other!!! woooo!!!#in theory i might have a couple drawings to post before it starts but once it does i am IN. doing NOTHING ELSE. VERY IRRESPONSIBLE.#but for real tho i've been having a very bad month give or take so i am really looking forward to this haha.. last two rounds were a blast#anyway see you there maybe! hope everyone's doing well
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if everything goes according to plan, tomorrow I'll release the (possible) last chapter of the forgotten puppet !!
i would do it today but i was really busy and i slept terribly so i need to get some rest
i hope this finale lives up to everyone's expectations :)
#🍒 cherry froggie — late night show#i went to sleep at 11:30pm yesterday and woke up at 3am...#couldn't go back to sleep#i just wanna have a nice sleep man what's a woman gotta do#i hope everyone else is sleeping well tho#please rest for me
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what’s have u been up to during ur tumblr hiatus
nothing that exciting, working, gaming,, speedrunning a kpop era,,,,,, keeping it rlly chill i miss writing in general tho but i don't wanna make any promises especially cus i Have Not been watching any anime
#we r playing it by ear rn lmao#whatever happens will happen ya know?#i hope everyone else has been doing well tho <3#– asks
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