#I honestly don’t want to mute or unfollow the person who puts most of it on my to

[problemeule]

honestly between tunglr and twt neither is better than the other but at least my timeline/dash here is free of ‘leftie’ transphobes telling (predominantly) trans femme ppl to stop being so aggressive in criticizing them for equating trans femme ppl with predators.....

[soopersara]

I looooove Zutara so much. But I’m exhausted by how much the Zutara fandom focuses on salt and hate on Aang/Mai/Bryke/ATLA so much rather than celebrating Zutara, I can barely find 100% Zutara positivity blog spaces. Even in the Zutara Discord there’s never-ending activity in the salt tags. Like, I had no idea it was possible for a fandom to be so consistently angry, but that’s what a lot of Zutarians literally are like. 1/2

The Dramione fandom in contrast is never like this, Dramione shippers just love to celebrate without hating and dissing on canon events so much. Who cares about canon when we know what we love? Why spend so much energy thinking about something they hate? 2/2

I really don’t have any frame of reference for what other fandoms or ships are like. The ATLA fandom (and Zutara specifically) is the first fandom I ever joined, and it’s still my only fandom. I had to stare at your asks for a minute before I even knew where to begin, so bear with me. 

The thing is, people enjoy things in vastly different ways. While you may not enjoy analysis and criticism of the show (which is perfectly valid!), the fact that a lot of people participate in criticism doesn’t mean that they’re always angry or dedicating all of their time to things that they hate. If we genuinely didn’t like the show, we wouldn’t be here, it’s that simple. But a lot of us (myself included, at times), find it satisfying and even fun to pick apart and articulate the things that fell short for us. 

When I first watched the show, there were parts of the ending that niggled at me, and it was frustrating not being able to express what bothered me about it. It wasn’t until I spent time digging around some salty/critical blogs that I started seeing some of my problems with the show being pointed out in ways that helped me figure out how to articulate both what bothered me and the ways I wish they’d been done instead (which, incidentally, has fed into all of my fics). But I wasn’t angry about the show. I didn’t (and don’t) hate the show. It’s like I told an anon who asked if I hated Aang... oh, god, it’s been MONTHS ago now: It’s possible to like/love things and still wish that they were better. And that, for me, is where critcism of the show, characters, and relationships comes from. I love so many things about this show and its characters that I really notice the things that bother me, and I like talking about them because I care about the story, and discussing the things that could have been different has helped me improve as a writer. 

Now I’m not a mind reader, so I can’t say for sure, but I’m almost positive that the vast majority of Zutara shippers are coming from the same place. We love the show and its characters, and yet we wish that certain things could have been better. It probably looks like we’re angrier than we really are when we get into deep discussion mode, because... honestly, it would be exhausting to preface every statement with “I love _____, but I wish they’d done ______ instead.” So we don’t say that. Probably ever. Because most of us who do engage in critical/salty discussions come into the conversation with the base assumption that that’s where all the criticism comes from, and it’s easy to forget that there might be people in those spaces who don’t know that.

Of course, there are people who genuinely dislike certain characters or whatever, but of everyone I know, I can think of maybe... two? -ish? who truly hate the characters that that Zutara fandom is most critical of. That’s fine! Those people don’t have to like things just because they exist in the show! But the vast majority of us criticize because we saw potential that wasn’t realized and we want to analyze that, not because we hate the foundation of the show/character/whatever else.

I’m glad that you’ve had a positive, salt-free (or low-salt) experience in the Dramione fandom, but like I said, I’m not in any other fandoms, so I don’t have personal experience with how they work. I’ve heard from other people that there’s salt to be found in every fandom, but I’m guessing that Harry Potter is such a massive fandom that it’s easy to avoid if you don’t want to see it. The Zutara fandom is medium-ish, so there’s fewer niches to carve out within the ship itself.

That said, if you still want to cut back on the salt in your Zutara fandom experience, don’t be afraid to use the tools that social media platforms put at your disposal. If you notice someone whose posts bother you on ANY platform, it’s okay to unfollow or block them so you don’t see their stuff. On Discord, you can mute and hide any salt channels or categories that are bothering you (or depending on the server, have the whole salt role taken away completely if you’re sure you’re not going to use it). And it’s totally okay to redirect people to salt channels if they start geting off topic in other places! I do it fairly often when people start slipping into NSFW content in general channels. On Tumblr, you can filter tags (I admit that I suck at tagging reblogs because I’m LAZY, but the OPs generally tag correctly, and Tumblr’s filters use the OP’s tags too). “Anti-character/relationship”, “character/relationship salt”, and “character/relationship critical” might be good tags to start with, since those are fairly common. I wouldn’t recommend following the Zutara ship tag on Tumblr, because there’s sometimes mistagged stuff from other parts of the fandom (*cough* antis *cough*), but following a small number of blogs you do like and letting them sort your content for you is pretty nice. And... that’s probably all the advice I have, since I’m only on those two platforms. But remember that the block button is your friend and you’re fully within your rights to customize your social media experience any way you like!

...wowza, I got chatty. Anyway, I hope you’re not too discouraged by your experience in the fandom. The criticism really does come from a place of love and wanting to be able to create better fan content, and as proof, I think I’m going to squeeze in one more writing sprint before I fall asleep so I can bring more Zutara content into the world. 

Hugs, anon! I hope you can figure out how to make your time in the Zutara fandom what you want it to be.

[nootvanlis]

Fuck Carmilla Con and Fuck SLC1698 and Goodbye

Yes this is another blog/fandom goodbye because my mental health is degrading and not getting any better.  I don’t know when/if I’ll come back.  And a lot of that has to do with Carmilla Con and SLC1698 which, fuck them.  If you care to know why, feel free to read.  And if you want to talk shit about me or send shit, don’t do it on my blog because I gave it away and frankly, I’m gone and don’t care enough to see it.

Carmilla Con

The con started with me and my friend.  My friend and I started the con by gauging interest from my Tumblr and Twitter following and tried to hype it up. And when we did get some attention, suddenly we were approached by another group and said they were working on one already, but honestly they had nothing done.

A member of that group DM’d my friend saying they were already going to make it.  We were hesitant about working together but I convinced my friend we should work together because the more the merrier.  There was 8 of them and 2 of us… you can guess that we were outnumbered.  

All the things my friend and I worked on suddenly got taken over by that group.  All the things we planned were scrapped.  There was no sense of compromising.  It’s what ever they wanted.  They changed it without consulting anyone.  And when there were decisions to be made, we were outnumbered because the group always sided with the one person who decided to be the leader.  The longer I stayed the longer I felt like shit and useless.  No matter what I did or decided, it’s ignored or denied.  I didn’t even feel part of the team.

As it progressed, I started getting into disagreements with the other members.  2 of them only cared about Wynonna Earp and admitted they rather attend a WE con than a Carmilla con which is why we had to cater to them so they can attend them.  They wanted us to work around their schedule.  I was deeply upset I was working with these type of people.  Who had other priorities.  Who didn’t even LOVE Carmilla as much as I did.  At this point, I’ve been crying everyday with how difficult it was to work with them but struggling with not leaving because I didn’t want the con in the hands of these people.

The last straw came when the “leader” decided to take over the job I’ve been working on.  The only one I felt confident in.  

My friend was a professional logo designer.  I asked her to help design a logo for the convention.  I was willing to pay but she said she’ll do it for free.  She worked tirelessly on it for a month, despite being super busy and came out with a super great design.  I showed the group and they brushed it off.  I thought maybe I’ll ask again down the road.  3 months later, I again say the logo is done but the “leader” said no, it’s not as good as hers.  At this point, she had taken over every single task and had not let us touch anything in regards to this con.  She wouldn’t budge because it was her own design.  They never took me seriously at all to begin with and they were in majority so I never would’ve got any input in anyways.

I asked our group chat and not surprisingly at all, they decided against a professionally done logo in favour of their friend’s.  Not only that, but they started mocking me.  That night led me to my first big anxiety attack in years and I went to therapy the next day. I left shortly after because I couldn’t handle it anymore.  My friend who started with me stayed.  I don’t talk to them anymore because this whole situation still triggers me.  It’s unfortunate because there were still people in that group I wish I had gotten to get to know better because they were nice to me.  It doesn’t help that I’ve met them all before at the Carmilla movie screening and they made me feel left out.  Even worse, they sent an email months later and the “leader” insisted they apologized and was trying to gaslight me but I know I never got one.  

I felt so guilty because my friend did it for free and it took her so long.  She stopped talking to me and unfollowed me.  This is the worst guilt I’ve ever felt that even to this day, I talk about it with my psychiatrist.  I’ve apologized countless times but I’ve never had that resolved and still feel like shit about it.  

I wanted the con to be about the community that loved Carmilla, that shaped who I am today, that I considered home for 5 years.  I wanted everyone to be treated equal and it be affordable.  I wanted everyone to have fun and have a safe space to be themselves.  It turns out, I wasn’t even going to be part of it.  

Now I heard very shady things about the con behind the scenes and how some guests were mistreated but that ain’t my business.  After what I heard, I hope the guests who had issues received what they deserve and karma will get to these organizers.  Seeing and hearing more of the con and how everything is completely changed is just upsetting.

If you support the con, fine.  I’m not angry at you, just disappointed.  It’s all I wanted for the fandom, the cast, and the crew.  You and everyone deserve it.  But I’m not going to support it.  As a matter of fact, it still triggers me hard.  And being on social media, at cons, staying in this fandom is triggering to me everyday.  I have over 1000 people muted and still can’t get away from it.  So if you’ve read this far, don’t EVER talk about this convention with me.  I spent 6 months in therapy JUST to handle Clexacon and I still had an anxiety attack every day and even in front of Natasha who was kind enough to help me calm down.  It hurts to know the people I look up to, my own friends, the people I dedicated 4 years to are supporting the people that bullied me.  And that I wasted so much time planning something I wasn’t even “allowed” to participate in.  Months later and I’m still getting panic attacks over this and at one point, was nearly hospitalized.  I don’t think any of them took the severity of what they put me through seriously and I still don’t think they ever will because they got what they want and won’t receive and backlash or repercussion.

But the biggest thing that hurts the most is Natasha and Elise promoting this.  I love them so much but they both hurt me the most which is the biggest factor of me leaving.

I don’t want to be a party pooper and don’t want to be selfish so I figured I’d just leave because 1 miserable person leaving won’t make difference.  I don’t think anyone really cares about me that much.

SLC1698

Now if you’re wondering why I fucking hate SLC1698, it’s because they betrayed me and stole the idea.  While I left the fandom to recover from all con mess, they decided to make a whole new discord server and took everyone of my members away.  I worked hard to promote the fuck out of my discord server and have a place where Carmilla fans can meet new people and chat.  But no, they took my hard work to get “their” server started out.

That wasn’t even originally their idea.  The idea originated on MY fanfiction channel on my discord server.  The book club idea was started by at least 6 or 7 people.  Some of the people had been on your server for years.  Everyone was tight knit and it was almost like our own little family.  But then someone decided to claim the idea as their own and built a new server in secret without any input from anyone else.  One of the members consulted with there 2 close friends and not the other people who helped make what it was and take over it.  

Even though they say it wasn't supposed to replace my server, they never really acknowledged the revival of my server when I came back.   Which funnily enough, is similar to the con situation.  They completely took over and made something that was supposed to be fun into work.  And that server is completely devoid of fun because of all the demanding rules.  Fanfic is supposed to be fun.  Not a job.

Since all the members joined that new server, everyone left mine and left it dead.  All my friends were gone.  I’ve never felt so fucking alone in this community.  They stole my friends and my community while I was already dealing with the feeling of uselessness from the convention.  I felt like no one even gave a fuck about me and I still feel like that.

To people in either the groups, don’t interact with me.  Fuck off.  And fuck off with your fake kindness and promoting my stuff.  Stay away from my friends and leave us the fuck alone.  I want nothing to do with you or any of you.

Everyone’s so eager to say “community” but it stopped feeling that way for me a long time ago.  This fandom is so tiny I can’t fucking escape the situation and the people who hurt me.  My mental health degraded so much in the last 2 years.  Sucks when the thing you love causes so much pain.  It stopped feeling safe after all the betrayal which lead to anxiety and panic attacks and suicidal thoughts.  I had to be honest with myself and see that this isn’t safe for me anymore even if I love it.

My biggest mistake was making it my obligation to provide stuff and then letting people take advantage of me.  People keep asking for content and videos and I don’t have any so I feel like I let everyone down. I even risk getting kicked out of LFF and security following me around just trying to get a video of the panel. I feel like it’s a job, an obligation and it’s no longer fun. I do it out of the kindness of my own heart AND for free, providing for a community that’s helped me out a lot but now I feel like I’m being used.  I feel so exhausted.  I get anxiety when I don’t “provide” enough content because I don’t want to let people down.  I want to be able to give more but I want to feel happy doing it but I feel so miserable.  I don’t even know what I deserve anymore.

I feel like sometimes I’m the glue that sticks things together and when I’m going through something, everything somehow starts falling apart and right now, it’s happening to my group of friends.  All my friends are leaving the fandom, too so I’m starting to feel lonely.  I want to go out and and meet new people here in Toronto.

Thank you to my friends who have been super patient with me and put up with my mood swings this year.

I want to get better.  I want to move past this.  I want to support Natasha and Elise for as long as I can.  Which is why I need to leave.  It’s gonna be extremely boring and nothing can fill the void that Carmilla left me but I’ll live lmao.  Thanks for everything and everyone who has made this last 5 years enjoyable.  Until next time, I hope to talk to you all again.

I wish I could go back and do this all over again.  I wish I can be 20 again and rediscover it

If you want to stay in touch, I’m on my personal twitter/instagram; girlvillains. If you still want to meet up next month, DM me there.  DO NOT ask me about any of this and trigger me or I’ll block you.  Respect my boundaries about this situation if you talk to me.

If you read all this, thank you.  Thanks for letting me be this dramatic for years lmao.

[geometragic]

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐏𝐎𝐒𝐈𝐓𝐈𝐕𝐄 & 𝐍𝐄𝐆𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐕𝐄;  𝘔𝘶𝘯 & 𝘔𝘶𝘴𝘦 - 𝘔𝘦𝘮𝘦.

Fill out & repost ♥ This meme definitely favors canons more, but I hope OCs still can make it somehow work with their own lore and lil’ fandom of friends & mutuals. Multimuses pick the muse you are the most invested  in atm.

Tagged by: The amazing @illdivine​ ! Thanks a bunch for tagging me ! ^^ Tagging: @extravachance​ @grandordergirl​ @kimintsugi​ @royaltywritten​ @daitoku​ @pragmarage​ @teniras​ @deviilscry​ @foolslaugh​ @wrathlead​ and anyone else who’d like to do this meme ! ^^

My muse is:   canon /  OC  / au / canon-divergent / fandomless /

Is your character popular in the fandom?  YES / NO / IDK

Is your character considered hot™ in the fandom?  YES / NO / IDK

Is your character considered strong in the fandom?  YES / NO / IDK.

Are they underrated?  YES / NO / IDK

Were they relevant for the main story?  YES / NO

Were they relevant for the main character?  YES / NO / THEY’RE THE PROTAG (( He was one of the poster boys for Sengoku Basara 4, so...that counts for something, right ? XD I don’t think that Sengoku Basara really has a protagonist, though. Just a bunch of different characters. ))

Are they widely known in their world?  YES / NO (( I’m putting ‘yes’ if only because Mitsunari, who never remembers anyone, remembers who Katsuie is. XD I think that, in general, some characters know Katsuie and others don’t ? ))

How’s their reputation?  GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL (( Bad in-universe, somewhere in between neutral and bad in the fandom. ))

How strictly do you follow ‘canon’? — I’d say that I follow canon pretty strictly ! Though I do add my own headcanons. ^^ I need to update some of my pages so that they’re more in line with canon, though. Especially Katsuie’s modern verse, now that the Basara Academy anime has been out for over a year... XD

Sell your muse! Try to list everything that makes your muse interesting (in your opinion) to make them spicy for your mutuals.  —   Katsuie comes off as really normal and very chill at first, which lets him easily have a first meeting interaction with most muses without angering them / fighting them / killing them / etc. But the more you delve into his thoughts and the things he does, you can see how warped his mindset is when it comes to certain subjects / people. ^^ And he’s a depressed emo kid, so I'd imagine that a lot of people on Tumblr would connect with him over that. XD 

Now the opposite. List every reason why your muse might not be so interesting (even if you may not agree, what does the fandom think?).  —   Back when SB4 first came out, Katsuie got a lot of flak for his creepy obsession with Oichi, which is admittedly pretty bad. Since she’s, you know, married, and Katsuie’s willing to go so far as to kill Nagamasa, her husband, for a chance (?) to be with her. Not to mention Katsuie’s anime route, where he gets himself kicked out of the Oda clan, destroys his own hopes and dreams in the process by killing everyone in the Azai clan (Nagamasa, Oichi, and Maria), and finally gets mercy-killed by the former shogun. Yikes. ^^; I’m honestly surprised that, in my five years roleplaying Katsuie, no one’s sent in anon hate to me because of Katsuie’s behavior. (Unfortunately, a former rp partner of mine once got anon hate years ago for shipping Katsuie and Oichi. ;u;)

𝐖𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐈𝐍𝐒𝐏𝐈𝐑𝐄𝐃 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐓𝐎 𝐑𝐏 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐌𝐔𝐒𝐄? —  Katsuie’s actually my very first muse ! ^^ I started writing him at the end of my senior year of high school. I think I’d been into Sengoku Basara for a year or two at that point, and I’d been reading translations that people were making for SB4. I’d also been following Sengoku Basara roleplayers / ask blogs (there were several active ones around back then), and I really enjoyed reading their interactions, so I wanted to pick a Sengoku Basara character so that I could roleplay with them, too ! I tried writing for a couple of potential muses in private to test them out, but it felt most natural to write for Katsuie, so I went with him as my first muse ! I probably chose him because I’d gone through a bunch of not-so-fun stuff in high school, so I saw Katsuie going through a bunch of not-so-fun stuff in the Oda clan and sympathized with that.

𝐖𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐊𝐄𝐄𝐏𝐒 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐈𝐍𝐒𝐏𝐈𝐑𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 𝐆𝐎𝐈𝐍𝐆?  —  To my knowledge, I’ve been the only one roleplaying Katsuie semi-consistently over the past five years ? He’s just such an interesting character to me —– it’d be too sad to close this blog and not see anyone’s Katsuie interact with other people’s muses anymore. ;u; It’s something I’ve been a little worried about recently because I know I’m going to be more busy in the future, since I’m (hopefully) going to finish up my research this year, get my master’s degree next year, and then go straight into a serious full-time job. I don’t want to give up rolepaying, but if I get too busy next year... >.< 

Also, playing the mobile game Sengoku Basara: Battle Party every day helps ! And my rp partners are awesome. ^^

𝐒𝐎𝐌𝐄 𝐌𝐎𝐑𝐄 𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐎𝐍𝐀𝐋 𝐐𝐔𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 𝐅𝐎𝐑 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐌𝐔𝐍

Give your mutuals some insight about the way you are in some matters, which could help them get more comfortable with you.

Do you think you give your character justice?  YES / NO / IDK

Do you frequently write headcanons?  YES / NO

Do you sometimes write drabbles?  YES / NO

Do you think a lot about your Muse during the day?  YES / NO

Are you confident in your portrayal?   YES / NO

Are you confident in your writing?  YES / NO

Are you a sensitive person?  YES / NO

Are you good at accepting criticism about your portrayal? —  Yeah, I’d say I’m pretty good at accepting criticism !

Do you like questions which help you explore your character? —   Yeah ! I’m happy to answer whatever questions everyone has about Katsuie ! ^^

If someone disagrees with a headcanon of yours, do you want to know why? —   Yeah, because it’s interesting to see how other people view Katsuie ! From my point of view, if someone disagrees with one of my headcanons on Katsuie, it means that they’re interested enough in him and have thought about him enough to have their own opinions on him. It’s so so so so difficult to get anyone interested in muses from a series as niche and JP-only as Sengoku Basara, so I’d honestly be happy if someone cared enough about Sengoku Basara and Katsuie to disagree with me on my headcanons for Katsuie, as strange as that sounds. XD

If someone disagrees with your portrayal, how would you take it? —  I think my answer to this question would be basically the same as the last one. I probably wouldn’t change my portrayal at this point, though ? I’ve had it for a long time and I’m actually really happy with it. ^^ Probably the only reason why I’d change my portrayal is if someone found / made more translations of the games that Katsuie is in (SB4, Sumeragi, Sanada Yukimura-den, Batopa, etc.) and I found canon details in the new translations that really clashed with details in my portrayal. In that case, I’d change my portrayal to match with canon.

If someone really hates your character, how do you take it? —  That’s fair, honestly, especially when it comes to things Past!Katsuie / Kaioh has said and done, and even just things Default!Katsuie has done. Katsuie’s a really messed-up dude, and his views on things can be really twisted sometimes. And hey, if someone hates Katsuie, at least that means that they care about him on some level, right ? XD Apathy is the one thing that really kills my muse.

Are you okay with people pointing out your grammatical errors? —  Sure ! If they can find them. XD I edit my drafts A LOT before I actually publish them, so usually I manage to catch all my mistakes, although the occasional mistake slips through every so often. Hemingway Editor is honestly a lifesaver when it comes to finding simple spelling errors and helping me write my sentences so that they’re a reasonable length and don’t have too many adverbs / phrases written in passive voice / etc.

Do you think you are easygoing as a mun? —  I think so ! ^^ I just want to roleplay my muses and have a good time watching them grow and form relationships with other muses, that’s all. If there’s something I don’t like, I know to mute / unfollow / block / etc. and move on. Life’s too short to get involved in drama.

𝘛𝘩𝘢𝘵’𝘴 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘪𝘵, 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘨𝘳𝘢𝘵𝘴 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘧𝘪𝘭𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘶𝘵!

[sxyurii]

Hey, I've been your follower for years now and recently I've been through a breakup and I saw your post about it and I feel really sad I don't know how to move on and I just wanted to ask could u give some tips 😢❤❤❤ Love you and your blog so much!!! Sending you much love

Omg hi angel!!! 💕 im really sorry to hear that :( It sucks but we gonna get thru this baby

This will be a long post but also for anyone whos going thru a breakup rn, I'll type out everything that I wish someone told me before 😂

HOW TO WIN A BREAKUP

Ok so im gonna put shit that I know from expierence and as a psychology major so we have some gold hacks here on getting over a breakup 😏 First, I've personally had like quiete few breakups and honestly that FIRST ONE is ALWAYS the worst. If this is ur first breakup im rly sorry but its gonna suck for a while LMAO just remember that first one is the most painful but once you get over it its like antidote for life. No breakup will hurt that much as far as I know. Now lets start. U broke up youre sad, alone, crying, now what?

1. Call your friends. ALL OF THEM. I always felt my breakups before they happened and with this recent one I summoned all of my friends and they were all there with me before and after it happened. Venting helps and emotional support will be the first thing here. You are very vulnerable and sensitive right now and your emotions are all over the place probably. You're sad, angry, confused you wanna kill him all of that shit and having people there with who you can let out all those emotions is SO SO SO important i cant stress it enough. Dont bottle emotions D O N T its tempting but its toxic as fuck and it prolongs the healing. Buy junk food, have girls night, cry to your friends and talk about it until you don't feel need to anymore, cry more. Use all emotional support u can get, ur girls got u. BONUS TIP therapy helps alot. Ive been to therapy to help me sort my emotions out and its been super helpful. Remember also friends arent therapists, sometimes a professional help to guide thru emotions is the good choice too.

2. DELETE EVERYTHING you have that reminds you on them. I personally dont have hard time with it I know some people do but its also one of the most toxic things. Delete the pictures, chats, unfollow them block them even if u have to, mute, delete the songs that remind u of them. Literally erase their existence from your life. Due our brain not knowing difference between someone breaking up w us and someone dying pain we feel is intense and gets to point we feel physical pain. Memories trigger emotional responses and keep opening the wound. You need to heal. Patch it and let it heal. Dont poke it by seeing still things that remind u of them.

3. dO NOT STALK THEIR SOCIAL MEDIA. DONT DONT DONT. ITS LIKE DRINKING POISON EXPECTING THEM TO DIE??? What you could possibly find that will make u feel better??? Them posting that they miss you and want u back??? Nah sis, social media presence of people is so biased and its SO EASY to fake anything. You can misinterpret alot and you might also see stuff that will hurt u. Some of my exes (idk abt this last one tho bc I never stalked his social media since we broke up and im super proud on it) would post stuff that they know would hurt me or make me jealous or just some shady shit and you dont want to go in a place where u know someone just wants to hurt u. You are better than that. Protect your mental peace at all costs.

4. Journal. With this recent breakup I wrote like alot about it, i took my emotions and wrote paaaages. Let it all out. Draw abt it. Find ways to turn your pain in art.

5. DONT TEXT YOUR EX. CUT THEM OFF. its the best for you. You cant heal in a place you got hurt. If you wanna text them handle phone to ur best friend. I know whenever you are alone u will feel so lonely but trust me better call your friend than hit up ur ex LMAO We all still think we want our ex back even some time after breakup. We tend to idealize our exes in our heads and remember only the good times and stuff and then its just painful illusion. I know i did that alot with my exes so with this last one i decided to prevent it. Best way for that was to make a list of all the things he did that would hurt me, make me sad or mad and that i just didnt like abt him. Whenever I would feel im thinking I miss him I would read that list and see he wasnt so good and there was a reason that relationship ended. It will come to point u will see you werent happy and you will be slowly letting it go. He aint shit trust me.

6. Usually it takes 3 weeks for the worst symptoms of breakup to subdue bc our neurotransmitters need to balance again. Love is a drug and breakup is like withdrawal from cocaine addiction. Your body and mind will go through symptoms same as cocaine addict. Remember to be kind to yourself. Take care of yourself. I know for me issue was I would be like "get over it" and not allow myself to be hurt abt it. Be kind, you are going though huge emotional trauma and you deserve all the time and space to be hurt and feel it. Feelings are like visitors, you just have to accept them with out resistance and let them pass. Acceptance is the key.

7. Focus on yourself. You were so used on putting effort and energy into that person. Take all of that energy and put it back in YOU. Be selfish. Treat yourself. Date yourself. Write things you love about yourself. Rediscover your passions. Focus on school. On your beauty. dYE UR HAIR DO A TATTOO DO UR NAILS DO A FACEMASK PLAY SONGS SINGING HOW EXES AINT SHIT Fall in love with yourself. This is something that you will be ready to do when you processed all the emotions in healthy way.

8. Idk did i forget something but just to add this. "This too shall pass". You will heal. You will mend. Never close your heart to love again. You deserve love and one day you will have it. Dont let your pain make you push love away. Breakups are extremely good for self growth and be grateful for it because trust me you will grow so much and you will learn so much about yourself.

I hope I helped at least a bit 💕 I keep feeling like I forgot something but know that you and anyone can always hit me up in DMs and ask for help. Im always open to help anyone and dont hold back. Im sending you so much love honey 💖💖💖💖💖

[eveninglottie]

are you ok? you dont need to respond, it's just that your recent string of reblogs are a little worrying, so sending love n good vibes! be easy with yourself, it's ok to take some time off. we'll still be here, ready to support you

aw omg you’re so sweet

I’m dealing with the same level of frustration and insecurity that I’m always dealing with, but my reblogging a bunch of depressing posts all in a row was just me going back through my tag and having a little laugh at myself because boy I guess this is just my brand of humor. also the thing about taking time away from social media, tumblr in particular, is that I don’t really have another social outlet? I realize how sad that sounds, but I’m just not in a place where I have the energy to be like, A Person In The Real World who has a social life or whatever (plus all my friends live elsewhere and fuck if I’m gonna learn how to be social in the real world as an old woman), so me being on tumblr is actually a little better for my mental health. it’s definitely not great in some ways, but if I take a break from social media, that means that I just don’t talk to people, which is sometimes necessary! and I have been feeling the “diminish and go into the west” vibes for a while. so I might do that at some point in the near future, especially if I can screw my brain on right and actually fucking write something. 

if you meant break from writing well don’t worry about that I have written almost nothing in the past two months lol. but! this is still very sweet of you and I appreciate it. no need to worry. I’m just going through a dry spell with the writing and when that happens it tends to bleed into every other aspect of my life, so I just get kinda bummed and frustrated at not being able to do all the things I want to do. and it’s hard to articulate that because there is literally no part of me that wants to like, stop trying to write? I understand that creativity is a cyclical thing and it waxes and wanes but, I’m trying to do this as a career one day, and I kind of need to figure out how to write something when I’m not Feeling Inspired. like I need to build up some grit and stamina and I think my writerly brain is just pouting because she’s not getting what she used to get. so I’m just kind of stuck in this nebulous place of feeling fatigue for a thing I have not done in months. it’s gr8. 

so I am not big D depressed (although I have that and it is a separate thing I’m working on with the lovely help of meds, sweet sweet meds), just little d depressed, or like, melancholic. still haven’t figured out how to separate my self-worth from the things that I produce lol, and when I just stop producing, it kind of feels like I just cease to exist. which is very healthy and totally not something to examine. :/ god this is the world’s longest response but I’m Good and Don’t Worry if you see me on this hellsite it means I am in a good enough place to vocalize what’s going on in my head. and right now it’s just a lot of eeyore-ing and sheith, which is what this blog has become in the past few months and I’ve apologized for that before so I won’t again because honestly this is where I live now and this is what I can do. indulge my inner edgelord and get concerningly emotional about sheith. so no worries! your neighborhood charlie is just a little frustrated and taking it out on all of your lovely eyeballs. also, I completely understand needing to unfollow or mute or blacklist that tag (#charlie aesthetic is where most of those Depression Memes go to languish). your dash should be your happy place and if you can’t deal with me dealing with my shit, I completely understand

[mcmissileproof]

tagged by @astrydryder​ B) thanks!

Rules; Answer these questions and tag 20 blogs you’d like to know better!

Nickname; Xenon, Mysterious Creature, Mitochondria, Mecha Cthulhu, M_ C_

Zodiac; Gemini

Height; 5′7

Time; 6:09 pm

Favorite band/artist; hhhmmmmm depends heavily on my mood/what I’ve been obsessively putting on loop lately but Andrew Bird is a consistent fave

Song stuck in my head; Schrei nach Liebe - Die Ärzte and It Will Come Back - Hozier

Last movie I saw; some vampire bullshit with david bowie in it. I forget what it was called but my friend got a mysterious bootleg of it for a dollar so we watched it over break and it was weird

Last thing I googled; capital A umlaut bc I’m too lazy to figure out how to type it myself

Other blogs; xenonsdoodles (art blog) and heckmetal (in-character blog for one of my pathfinder characters, an alchemist and a chaos god)

Do I get asks;  I either get zero for months or a sudden flood of them, which are either responses to prompts on my art blog or mostly incomprehensible correspondence on this one

Why did I choose this username: I was listening to Mx Missiles by Andrew Bird and thought “what if that’s me but MC instead of Mx”

Following; ...........a lot. of people. I’ve been here forever and I hardly ever unfollow anyone

Average amount of sleep; varies wildly. I try to get 8 hours honestly but it’s usually more like 4 or 10. don’t be like me

Lucky number; 84

What am I wearing; jeans + college hoodie + disco cat shirt underneath

Dream job; science, babey

Dream trip; there are a lot of places I’d like to go, I’d enjoy most places as long as it’s a fairly long stay with a lot of free time to explore. every time I travel I like to take some time and kinda aimlessly walk around and find a place to chill and watch things happen

Favorite food; depends on stuff. I’m sort of a picky eater but there are a bunch of foods I lose my mind over if I’m in the right mood

Instruments you play; trombone, baritone, piano but only by ear and with one hand, and I own a guitar + bass guitar + saxophone but atm I’m in the “I can make sounds with these” stage rather than any level of actual skill. I also have a vuvuzela and two recorders and a harmonica but those are more because I sometimes wish to antagonize people within earshot of me than out of any real musical skill

Eye color; blue/green

Hair color; brown (fun fact: it’s just slightly reddish and when I was little my mom said it was red so when I drew myself I colored it with a maroon crayon)

Describe your aesthetic; for things I like to look at: abandoned places/bones/forests/water+creeks. for my personal style: idk people tell me I look like a baby or a horrifying unknowable eldritch monstrosity and I’m not sure what that aesthetic is called. also I like scarves + I have this one jacket that I’ve worn for like 10 years now that I still get compliments on even though the elbows are totally ripped to shreds. what aesthetic is that

Languages you speak; English, French, German (in order of ability)

Most iconic song; L’Assasymphonie tbh

Random fact: I once played a concert at carnegie hall with my hand shoved up the bell of my trombone for part of it bc we were supposed to have mutes but no one told me until I was already in nyc with no means of getting one but I wasn’t going to just... not play, and if that’s not peak me I don’t know what is

tagging: I never know who to tag bc I can’t remember which of my friends/mutuals actually like these things so just pretend I tagged you if you want :p

[agl03]

Hey! Love your blog and how you keep us grounded esp after the finale! I need fandom mom for this chloe/logan thing. He's chiming in on her insta posts about agents of shield stuff, and she's just going with it and on his own social media he seems like he's trying to get into marvel. this is really ruining the show for me.

Hi Anon!

Thank you and you are very welcome.

I’ll do my best.  I admit I have raged at my computer and to mutual or five when I go into the tag or Social Media looking for AOS related news and find it full of ‘his’ stuff (#takebackourtag).  I am also proud as all get out when the Kiddo sees it she launches into quite the rant of her own about him...that's my girl!

Here is what I’ve been advising to do and it's very similar to the advice I’ve given about avoiding fandom drama.  I follow it most of the time...again I go looking for news and spoilers and know when I go looking I’m going to run into it.

 One of the best things is I can say is don’t let what is going on in Chloe’s personal life ruin something that you love.  Because I’m going to be really blunt about this, they (Chloe and Logan) don’t care about how the fans feel about the relationship.  Fans saying I’m going to stop watching unless they break up or stop posting isn’t going to do a darn thing, just gives it more attention it doesn’t need.  

Unfollow Chloe.  This is tied up there with the first point.  I know this one sucks because they are filming now and many who follow her are hoping to see goodies from the set...a clue of ANY sort.  But know if you keep following her, he and their relationship is going to be front and center.  It doesn’t take away those comments and content are there but makes it so you don’t have to see it.

She’s actually posted very little....if anything...to do with the show since they went back.

Blacklist the tags associated with Chloe, Logan, their ship, and his ‘gang’.

Sadly the Agents of Shield tag on places like Instagram can get overridden by other content, so stay out of there.

As I have above #takebackourtag if you’ve got AOS content flood the tag with it.

Block/mute who you have too on social media channels.

It’s okay to ask mutuals to not talk about it with you or send you stuff associated with it.  Among my group of friends, we all have things that are ‘off limits’ unless I bring it up.  

I have ZERO concern about Logan getting cast on the show.  ZERO.  Something Jed, Mo, and the other PTB do a great job of is casting, many times they will write a part with a specific actor in mind (they said they wrote Radcliffe for John Hannah).  They are also well of the negativity surrounding him and his actions.  They will not want to bring that anywhere near the show if they can help it.

ABC also isn’t going to want to have any controversy like that either.

Putting my degree to use here.  Logan is trying to do a come back here and he has a lot of projects in the works.  He has some boxing match thing and he’s doing a documentary about “how difficult” this year has been for him.  So a lot of what is going on, his and Chloe’s posts, are all going into the PR for that.  Some of what is being put out is a couple in love but some of it is a very social media savvy guy building his brand and promoting his brand, himself.  So that is why things like unfollowing and not interacting with their posts do good.  

Chloe is an adult and she can make her own decisions.  We as fans have no say in her personal life (nor should we) or what she chooses to put up on social media.  But we can choose if we consume or interact with it.  Choosing not to give it the attention they want is honestly one of the best ways to ‘fight back’.  

I love the show and the cast, I’m not willing to let someone like Logan take that away from me or my experience in the fandom.  He has nothing to do with the show or the story they are going to be telling.  So I’ll continue to ignore him and his content....though I will privately rant about it from time to time.

[spacetimeodysseyofjane]

Hello 28! Goodbye 2021!

Ending my month-long birthday celebration and 2021 with a blast! It has been an eventful and amazing December/year for me; nothing but splurging, drinking, and treating myself! This is the first time in my whole existence that I want to celebrate my birthday. 2021 has opened a lot of opportunities for me and I am just grateful for the life that I have right now.

I feel like a phoenix; reborn from the ashes! This year, I was able to meet a new version of myself, a better one… Actually the best and my most fave version of myself. For so long, I have been trying to find my purpose and my identity. I have been lost because I was forcing myself to be someone that I am not. But this year is different, everything went smoothly because I just let things happen.

Unexpected opportunities came my way… I started off this year getting offered a full time position from my company. I have never been this happy with my work, I am not dragging myself anymore because I enjoy what I do now. I am working with kind and professional people and I couldn't ask for a better team.

Personally, I grew so much; I learned how to put on makeup and I am getting better at doing it! My hair is curly and I love it. My diet is also different now; I eat healthier food and I exercise. Even the way I dress has changed; I still like black and white but I am wearing dresses now! I am much more confident that I can wear swimsuits and not feel insecure about it.

This year, I embraced change. I opened myself to the world, new experiences, and unfamiliar places. I am more understanding of the people around me. I have finally let go of the anger that I have inside of me. I am calmer and more relaxed. I don’t engage in arguments or anything that will disrupt my peace. I have unfollowed and muted people that don’t add value to my life. But also, I welcomed new people; I met amazing individuals who helped me realize that life is amazing and that I should experience it in its entirety.

I learned a lot about myself this year and honestly, I am surprised that I am like this. Sometimes, I feel like a stranger but I love it. I have made crazy and stubborn decisions that my past self wouldn't do. But I realized that I don’t need to overthink everything. Just going with the flow and making sure that I won’t hurt anyone or myself along the way. I say yes to things that will make me happy.

Most amazing thing is receiving numerous messages and comments that I exude positive energy now. My friends and family noticed that I look better and they felt that I am legit happy. I don’t need to tell or pretend that I am okay because I am genuinely okay now. I am happier than ever, and people around me can see it.

2021 has taught me to treat myself kindly; and I noticed this in the little things that I am doing now:

My body clock has improved; I sleep early and wake up at 5:30am everyday.

I take longer baths because I want to make sure I am always fresh. Haha!

Never leaving home without lippies and eyebrow makeup.

I stopped biting my nails!!! This only means that I’m not that anxious.

I handwash most of my clothes because I also want to be kind and gentle with my stuff.

Haven’t missed a mass this year, I need to be grateful to God and the universe. I also completed the Simbang Gabi that's for 2 consecutive years!!!

Didn’t buy a single toy! I am not a kid anymore. lolz.

I listen to chill and mellow songs.

Started posting colored photos again.

I am not cursing anymore.

I say sorry even though it’s not my fault. I apologize because I can do it and there’s nothing wrong saying those words.

I don’t know how to end this post because I want to go on and on about the great things that have happened. I am amazed with how everything is falling into its rightful place. I am really glad that I didn’t give up. So much has changed and looking back, I know I made the best decisions. I am only 28, a lot can happen but this time, I am ready to face the world. I am praying and wishing that I will receive greater things in the coming days and years. But also, I am happy to live in the present.

I am here and I am alive; and it’s a wonderful blessing.

Live and love,

Jane.

[fleurdeneuf]

How to X-Kit

I made a general How to Tumblr post a while ago, and while I did mention the importance of x-kit there, I did not go into much detail.  I drafted this x-kit tutorial for a new to tumblr friend more recently, and it’s just been sitting in my documents ever since.  I’ve decided to dust it off and clean it up for posting, in case it can help anyone else out there.  

So, here are the x-kit extensions that I find most useful, grouped by “essential” or “nice to have.”  Of course, everyone uses tumblr differently, so these are my personal preferences, and ymmv. 

Essential:

One-click reply: Lets you reply to people who have replied to your posts (you can also reply if someone has reblogged or liked a post).  A little arrow shows up when you hover over a note in your dash or on your activity page.  Click on the arrow, and it’ll draft a reply post for you.  You can select multiple notes by holding down Alt when clicking on arrows.  The default reply posts look like this, which will tag you, but not @ you, so they are easy to miss.  If you add the options to add the person’s avatar and @ them for good measure, they look like this.

Tweaks: 1) Wrap tags for easier reading (In the past, you had to scroll all the way across to see people’s tags, which was terrible.  Tumblr has added those  “see all” links now, which wraps tags, but only to a certain point, and then you have to click to see the rest.  I hope that xkit will one day fix that so the wrapped tags are all in one block again, which is why I still have this extension and will never get rid of it.)  2) Add a separator line for Tag section on editor. (In an update a while back, tumblr made it impossible to see between the tags box and the text box of a post, and this redefines the boundaries.)  3) I am fond of the “move to top” button on the queue page.  4) & 5) Hide the explore button on trending posts and Hide the explore link at the top of the page and in the side bar (because we don’t need that garbage).  6) & 7) I like Always show the scroll to top arrow, and Make small text in reblogs the same size as small text in my own posts.  8) & 9) Hide the tumblr radar and Hide recommended blogs, because we don’t need that garbage either.  10) Show Mass post editor and blog settings buttons (another old thing that I don’t remember exactly what it does, because I no longer remember what tumblr looks like without it).

Blacklist: You probably know how this one works, but I do recommend a few of the options, like: Don’t block my own posts, Use improved checking, and definitely definitely Show tags on blocked posts (so you can see people’s tag rambles even if you don’t see the post itself). (Note: tumblr did just roll out that new blacklist of its own, but you can’t see people’s tags that way, which is why I still use x-kit’s blacklist.)

Go-to-dash: View a post on someone’s blog in dash mode so you can view without someone’s theme and access more options than are usually on someone’s blog.  Click the eye symbol at the top of a post on someone’s blog (you have to be following the person for this to work).

Mute!: Lets you not see someone’s posts for as long as you like, without having to unfollow them.  You can choose which type of post to not see: OPs, reblogs, text posts, photo posts, etc.

No Recommended: Get rid of recommended likes and blogs.

Open in tabs: Opens links and blogs in new tabs, rather than in the sidebar thing.  Note: this does not always work, depending on the blog settings of the person you’re trying to visit, but it does work on most.

Outbox: Saves sent messages to an outbox!  Only works on the computer you have this x-kit installed on, though.  (At work, you’ll only see messages you sent at work; at home at home)

PostBlock: Block posts you don’t like.  (I do this when pron or anti- stuff shows up in tags I track.)

Read more now: Lets you click on a read more and the post will expand in your dash, rather than making you go to the person’s blog to see it.

Reblog as text: Honestly, I don’t know if this is still a problem, but tumblr used to reblog long posts as if they were links (so all that you would see on your dash was a link, not the actual post), and it was hella annoying.  If tumblr is still doing this stupid thing, then get this extension.

Reblog yourself: Lets you reblog a post from yourself.

Reply viewer: A little speech bubble button appears at the bottom of posts and if you click on it, you can view all of the replies to that post - good for looking at post history.

Retags: Shows you people’s tags in your notes so don’t need to check each person who reblogged from you to see what their tags were.

Tag replacer: Lets you replace or remove tags on your posts.  For example, when I realized that tags with dashes in them do not work, I changed all of my tags that had dashes in them to tags with spaces between words instead.  Also handy if your friends change their URLs or if you realize you have five different tags that say something like “I love CE” but you only want one.

Tag tracking+: At the very least, you should track your URL (with no dash, if your URL has a dash in it, because dashes don’t track) to see when people tag you in things.  Any fandom things you’re into are also worth tracking, once you find their “official”/most popular tags.  Boxes to check: Show a [new] indicator, Redirect the followed tags to tagged instead of search, and Show tags on sidebar (which adds a sidebar menu so you can see all of the tags you’re tracking).

Tag viewer: Similar to reply viewer, but shows you all of the tags of people who have reblogged a post.  If it’s an old or popular post, lots of great things to be found!

Old sidebar: Gives you back a sidebar menu so you can find things easier.

Nice to have extensions below the cut:

Xinbox: Has some nice options in it, like “tag published asks with their usernames”, which is very helpful (so people will see your reply in their tag).

Activity+: Group notes by post, filter notes by type, show timestamps on notes (TIMESTAMPS ARE THE BEST).

Anti-Capitalism: Remove sponsored posts, Terminate...sidebar ads, Remove framed ads, Hide the asktime banner, Hide sidebar ads.

Blog tracker: Lists someone of your choice’s blog in your sidebar as if they were a tag you were tracking, so you never miss their posts.  Helpful if you don’t scroll through your entire dash, but you want to make sure you never miss something that a friend posts, for example.

Drafts+: Another old thing that I don’t remember exactly what it does, because I no longer remember what tumblr looks like without it.

Enhanced Queue: Lets you shuffle queue posts to mix them up, and a few other things.

Header options: Makes the header look like what it used to before tumblr “improved” it.

Mass deleter: Unlike likes/delete drafts en masse.

Mass+:  Another old thing that I don’t remember exactly what it does, because I no longer remember what tumblr looks like without it.

NotificationBlock: If a post of yours goes out of control and you don’t want to see the notes anymore, it’ll block them.

Notification+: Highlights notes from people you follow.  (It also used to show number of notes when you hover over a notification, but the newest tumblr update broke that.)

Post crushes: I LOVE this.  It lets me make these posts. 

Scroll to bottom: Lets you get to the bottom of your likes or drafts, though crashes tumblr if you try to use it and you have too many posts (like me).

Search likes: This would be amazing if I ever remembered to use it!

Separator: Puts a horizontal line through your dash where you left off before, though it does not always work.

Timestamps: I LOVE TIMESTAMPS.

User Menus+: another old thing that I don’t remember exactly what it does, because I no longer remember what tumblr looks like without it.

View on dash: View blogs in dash mode rather than going to the blogs and dealing with their theme.

[theultravioletcatastrophe]

Here, I’m just gonna pre-empt everyone and answer all these asks right here.

1. What did you want to be when you were a kid? Done, mostly.

2. Which “Friends” character do you relate to the most? Phoebe.

3. Do you like your name? Why? I guess, it's unusual anyway.

4. Are you a messy or clean person? *gestures towards trash pile* You be the judge.

5. How tall are you? 6'2".

6. How tall were you when you were ten? Who the fuck remembers how tall they were when they were 10? That was 23 years ago. I don't remember what I ate for breakfast yesterday, you can't expect me to remember this.

7. What is your guilty pleasure? Spending money~

8. What are you saving money for right now? To not have to declare bankruptcy lmao

9. How many Pringles can you eat at once? All of them. Just cram the whole stack in my face. Lov the cronch

10. Tea or coffee? Coffee.

11. Are you an extrovert or introvert? Introvert.

12. What is your Halloween costume this year? "Loser with no Halloween costume"

13. Sweet or salty? Both.

14. Favorite social media? Tumblr, though I'm starting to pick up Twitter again. All my mutuals apparently muted me or unfollowed me while I was gone for like a year and a half because now I get zero engagement with any of my tweets lmao

15. Who is the last person you kissed? My daughter, as I was putting her to bed.

16. What is your favorite breakfast? I don't care, just get food in me, I require more minerals

17. When is your birthday? March 15

18. When did you start your blog? Uhhh, like, a couple years ago now I think? I don't know and Tumblr doesn't give you an easy way to check (I don't think).

19. What is your opinion on the Kardashians? I could not actually care less about them.

20. How would you describe your style? "Huh? What style?" ~Gan-chan, The Adventures of Mini-Goddesses

21. What color is your hair? Brown

22. What color socks are you wearing? Black and grey

23. What is your dream job? Anything where I don't have to talk to stupid, cranky customers all day.

24. Dogs or cats? Cats.

25. What makes you weird? This is a loaded question but if you're following this blog I'm pretty sure you have a good idea of what makes me weird.

26. Celebrity crush? Drew Barrymore. Also Idris Elba.

27. Opinion on cigarettes? Don't smoke, kids.

28. Do you want children/how many? I have one and it is exactly the right number.

29. 3 favorite boy names? I dunno

30. 3 favorite girl names? I dunno

31. Favorite plant? Cannabis sativa, because it is one of the most useful plants in the entire world. You can make SO MUCH STUFF out of it! Not just the bast fibres (which were historically used for sails, but which can also be spun as fine as silk), but the hurds can be used for hempcrete, the oil can be used as fuel and can be refined into plastic (as well as having nature's perfect blend of omega-3 to omega-6 fatty acids), the seeds are one of the most nutritious foods on the planet, and the number of medical uses for it are staggering.

32. Favorite form of art? I don't have one favourite form of art tbh

33. What is your shoe size? Men's 12 or 13 depending on the brand

34. Money or brains? What is this even asking lol

35. What color looks best on you? I've been told I look good in blue.

36. What is a weird phase you went through when you were younger? Did I have any weird phases? I don't know.

37. Favorite brand of shampoo+conditioner? I honestly don't pay attention to brands for stuff like this, not to mention that I use a bar of soap to wash my hair lol

38. Favorite pizza toppings? Garlic and onions (and sometimes hot peppers) (also sometimes potato slices are good)

39. Opinions on veganism? I am one, and I think a lot of people misunderstand it.

40. Favorite book of all time? I don't have just one, that’s ridiculous.

41. Favorite actor? I dunno, probably Mark Hamill or something.

42. Favorite actress? I dunno, probably Mark Hamill or something.

43. Favorite dessert? Does it have chocolate? Does it not have fruit at the same time? That one.

44. Favorite food? Rice+beans (I’m eating some right now lol)

45. Last text you sent? "Love you too!" (to my wife)

46. Last person you called? Uhh, whoever answered the phone at the company that rents me the water heater at my mom's old house.

47. What is your favorite place to shop? Online lol

48. Favorite model? The Standard Model of particle physics.

49. What language do you want to learn? Japanese, so I can go full weeaboo.

50. What are your favorite make up brands? Whatever's ethical and reasonably-priced.

[weekendwarriorblog]

30 Minute Experiment: Comedy #30ME

Okay, then... timer is set and I have “The Other Ed” Sheeran playing at Austin City Limits on my TV set thanks to Soundkick’s YouTube channel which is doing a 72 hour concert marathon that I’ll need to keep checking in on. But let’s get to today’s topic, which only came to me about an hour ago... (As mentioned, that’s kind of how this works.)

No, I’m not gonna use my 30 minutes to test out any of my lame comedy material on you, the poor reader who has stuck with me this far.  In fact, I have done a few stand-up comedy sets, and it’s something I’ve wanted to do more of, to the point where I’m constantly working on material and writing jokes for some future stand-up set I may or may not ever do. 

Anyone who knows me even tangentially knows that I’m almost constantly and regularly making jokes on the internet and even moreso since the advent of “social media”... I’m sure some of you get annoyed by it and unfollow or even block me, and honestly I’m getting used to it.  They say that everyone is a critic and as a critic who hasn’t been able to get much work lately, don’t I know it?

In fact, I have a friend who was doing a virtual Open Mic this weekend, and I thought of putting together some sort of set to do maybe 7 to 10 minutes of what I consider comedy, but I kind of decided as the week went along that it’s been tough to actually try to write any kind of comedy material or jokes considering how awful things have been and being that it’s been six weeks since I’ve been cordoned off in my tiny apartment.

I do want to do more open mics soon and keep perfecting (and I use that term loosely) my material but it’s very different standing in front of an audience (however large or small) and telling jokes than it is cracking jokes on Twitter or FB. At least on social media, I don’t particularly care if my jokes “land” (as they say in the biz)... honestly, I make jokes more to amuse and entertain myself and keep my own good spirits going in tough times than I do to entertain others. Honestly, if I can make one person laugh when I make a joke on Twitter, that’s more than enough for me. As long as the “crowd” doesn’t turn on me... which has happened a few times in the past few weeks.

I just don’t think I’m ready or confident to try to do some sort of “set” in front of even a virtual crowd when I’m not sure what the audience might be like. I guess that’s what most stand-ups have to deal with when doing the comedy club route, since you never know who is gonna be there and whether your sense of humor lines up with theirs. At least when you’re big enough to do comedy specials on Netflix or bigger shows, you know that the audience is there just for you. They’re already fans of something else you’ve done so they’re more or less in tune with your brand of humor. At least when it comes to social media and most of my friends (on FB) and followers (on Twitter), I know that most people realize when I’m joking and when I’m deadly serious. 

Or maybe people aren’t as in tune to when I’m joking or not cause every once in a while, I’ll make a joke directly to someone who I know gets that I’m joking and someone random will pop up and call me an idiot for thinking one way or another. (I had one of those yesterday when I made a joke about CGI, something I know quite a bit about, having been to ILM and many other CG houses and discussed it with filmmakers and visual FX supervisors, I mean countless times!) Anyway, this person thought I was an idiot for making a joke that CG animators should be able to work from home since they’d be sitting at their computers to do their jobs anyway, so easy enough to do from home. It was a pretty stupid joke made to someone who knew I was joking but someone who didn’t, got pretty testy with me. I just blocked them.

That’s not something when you’re trying to do live comedy, although I guess you can mute hecklers on Zoom easier than you would at a live club. 

I actually have a friends who regularly do stand-up comedy, and at least two or three of them who do it professionally for a living (and they’re really good at it). I kind of know what’s involved with writing comedy professionally and trying to write jokes and then deliver them in a way that gets the audience on your side. Believe me, it’s tougher than many people think... just give it a try yourself if you don’t believe me.

Don’t get me wrong. I definitely feel like I will do it again sometime soon but I do have to put more time into my material and right now, it just doesn’t seem like making jokes about COVID or everyone’s isolation or anything in that vein just doesn’t seem appropriate right now. Some people need those laughs to get through this, but I feel like others are on edge so much that they, like me, are having trouble finding humor in what’s going on. I don’t blame them one bit.

As you may have figured out from some of my more “ranty” #30Mes, I’m having a difficult time getting through this myself and I’m experiencing all of the bad side effects like horrible vivid dreams, boredom, the general feeling of one day blurring into the next. I’ve been trying hard to use all my time constructively including doing work on some of my fiction work that I’ve also been putting more time into then I’ve been able to do when I was running around to two or three screenings a day. 

Obviously, I’m still trying to write the Weekend Warrior each week but it gets tougher to focus and concentrate on movies when there’s so much being thrown my way as distraction -- Ed Sheeran, for instance -- but my inability to really focus on getting some material ready for this open mic is only part of my problem. Sure, I’ll admit it. I’m afraid of bombing, cause I’m in such a delicate place emotionally, and it’s not like I’m that stoic or strong in the best cases, which this most definitely is not.

So I’m going on 20 minutes writing about “Comedy” and this is probably the saddest and least funny thing you’ve ever read, so hopefully, that helps you understand why it might be hard for anyone (even professional comedians) to be funny right now. I’m actually really impressed and mesmerized by the likes of Conan O’Brien and other talk show hosts to keep it together and still manage to keep their spirits in a place where they can perform and be funny once a day for 20 minutes or more. 

Don’t anyone tell you that comedy is easy, because they clearly haven’t done anything close to what these amazing entertainers are able to do on a nightly basis. I’m certainly nowhere near that point despite my seemingly endless jokes on Twitter -- and my apologies to the thousands who probably have me muted for that reason and others. 

Surely, there must be a place where comedians actually feel confident to perform their material in front of others and feel confident about their material. I’m definitely not at that point yet... I mean, I was never really that confident about performing someone else’s music in front of others even though I did that quite a bit in my past.  (It was kind of funny when I was working at Sam Ash and giving a software demo but was too nervous to even play something on the keyboard to show them MIDI or anything. I’m just not that showy a player and it’s been even longer since I played keys.)

But getting back to “comedy” here, it’s really interesting to see how people in general are reacting to humor, and also how many of my friends who really need some humor in their lives right now, don’t really actively try to get in some comedy at least once a day. I definitely try to include at least a half hour of comedy every day right now, even if it just catching Conan before crashing for the night. it’s just part of my being that i feel needs to be exercised every day if I want to stay sane against all the pressures I’m trying to fend off, silly things like money, bills, etc... none of which are particularly funny.

Sure, any psychiatrist will tell me that my attempts at humor and comedy is just me deflecting away from all the awful things going on in the world around me as well as my own personal situation, but hey, that’s why I never would pay a therapist to tell me these things. Believe me, I don’t need to pay someone to offer me advice or criticize me... that’s what I have friends for. (rimshot)

But kidding aside, I do appreciate all of my friends and followers who do put up with my “comedy” and my constant cracking of jokes and maybe even reacting or laughing to one or two so I don’t feel like everything I’m doing is going out into a vacuum.  I know some people I know (like my brother) would probably give me shit for some of the jokes I make, because maybe they reflect badly on someone who is currently actively looking for a job in the worst job market in decades. Like I said, it’s what I need right now to get through it, and I just have to hope that I stop myself from making the most offensive of the jokes that pass through my warped brain. Thankfully, I have a lot of weirdo friends who don’t mind my humor/jokes, but hey, they’re my weirdo friends and I love ‘em!

And with that, my time’s up for the day... will see if I have anything to write tomorrow!

[itslikethatfrenchthing]

3 WAYS TO ENHANCE YOUR MINDSET GROWTH TO ACHIEVE BUSINESS SUCCESS

  I absolutely LOVE talking about mindset growth. You can have all the strategy, tactics, and tools in the world. But if you don’t have the right mindset, you are going to struggle BIG time to reach your business success goals.

In this blog post, I go over 3 essential ways to enhance your mindset growth so you can achieve business success and reach your goals.

P.S. Enter your details below to grab my FREE 168-hour calendar template so you can start making the most of your time!

Mindset Growth Hack #1 | Realise that YOU ARE ENOUGH

Spoiler alert - you ARE enough and imposter syndrome is just your limiting beliefs showing up.

This is a topic I will talk about with my clients forever. Whenever you reach a new level of success in your business or do something new in general, you WILL face imposter syndrome. (Unless you’re magical!)

I have an entire blog post where I go in depth on how to overcome anxiety with your online presence, so that when these moments strike, you have the tools to get past it quicker. Read the full blog post here.

One of the biggest ways we need to enhance our mindset growth as business owners it to realise we are enough - just the way we are. It’s SO easy to look at other successful entrepreneurs and start comparing yourself in every area. Remember, most entrepreneurs are likely:

Only sharing their highlight reel (unless they are amazing people and share the bad stuff too, or

Have been doing this for A LOT longer than you.

I pay attention to a lot of the very successful entrepreneurs out there (Gary Vee, Lewis Howes etc.), and every single one of them says to put your blinders on.

Stop paying attention to what everyone else is doing. If you find someone in particular making you feel low (even if you like them and they’re providing value), unfollow them or “mute” them on Instagram.  It’s not worth it to see what they’re doing if seeing their success is making you paralysed and feeling like you’re not enough.

There might be a point where you can look at their success and get inspired, but until that moment happens, don’t pay attention to them. And if I’m one of those peeps for you, I take NO offence. I want you to do your best and if that means unfollowing me or anything you might look up to, so be it.

Put your blinders on.

When it comes to growth mindset exercises, this could be an entire one on its own. But to go along with “you are enough”, remember you are also “worth it”. You are worth the success you’re going to have. You are worth gaining customers that you love to serve. And most important of all, you are worth INVESTING in yourself and your business.

Trust me, if you invest in yourself, whether it’s going to a personal development event or if it’s in a programme or a coach, you will LEVEL UP your online presence, your business, and your life. Honestly. EVERY SINGLE investment I’ve made has been though through and it’s been worth it. Even if some of them didn’t turn out to be exactly what I thought it would be, I did gain some insight in some way in each investment that made me better off because of it.

In the Busy To Boss Method, we’ll go over ALL of the market research tools I give my private clients so you can get INSANELY clear on exactly WHAT your ideal client wants, needs and would pay for...and how they say it! You’ll also get the questions and invite scrips to make these happen seamlessly. You can apply to join the Busy To Boss Method here.

I also want to recommend a Money Mindset book that is definitely worth reading for any new (or seasoned business owner!) It’s Jen Sincero’s, You Are a Badass at Making Money. You can get it here.

Mindset Growth Hack #2 | Failures are learning experiences - and that’s it

How have the most successful business owners created a life for themselves through their business? Warning: it’s not a sexy answer…

YOU FAIL. AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN.

You could have the best strategy in the world, do everything the “right way” and still have launches that fall short of what you wanted or predicted. Or people might say no to your products or services, even when you thought they were a perfect fit. It’s going to happen.

And the only way to reach that figure of success and go beyond that is by failing A LOT. Again, like I said in point 1, so many business owners don’t share their failures. They only share what has gone well. This is one of those growth mindset characteristics that is really useful to develop.

Here are a few failures I’ve had:

Barely increased my income AT ALL in the first 6 months of my business.

Had my income cut in HALF after I lost two of my biggest social media management clients.

Launched my coaching to CRICKETS the first time I started talking about it online (because I had NO clarity on what I was offering and who my ideal client was).

The list goes on. But each one taught me something and I became stronger because of it. I learnt what to do and what not to do after each of these experiences.

So I tweaked, pivoted, and had a better go of it the second time around.

Now I know what money-making activities to focus on in my business, I’m winning. My podcast is set to hit 10,000 downloads within its first year of being live. But that wasn’t my first launch. I had done something similar before with less than stellar results.

So...I learned what to do and not to do. But even then, like I said above, there will always be times when things don’t turn out the way you hoped because of unforeseen circumstances.

This is where one of the growth mindset activities comes in. You want to view each perceived “failure” as a true learning experience and really look at it as a detective:

What worked well

What didn’t

What do we have to tweak for next time?

This way, you will go into each launch and your mindset growth will be WAY more confident and powerful. You also won’t put so much pressure on yourself to be perfect, knowing that failure is an essential step to success.

Mindset Growth Hack #3 | If there’s one secret, it’s TIME + CONSISTENCY

This goes hand in hand with mindset growth hack #2, but telling yourself over and over again that as long as you stick with it long enough you will have success, is crucial.

The real secret?

TIME + CONSISTENCY = SUCCESS

Not that sexy, is it?

But truly, one of the things I tell every single 1:1 client that works with me is that “the secret to success is doing this EVERY SINGLE DAY.” 

Here’s an example of what some of your business tasks should include:

Liking and commenting on people’s Instagram account

DM’ing 10+ people a day to build relationships

Writing content daily

Doing market research

If your tasks include the ones on this list, you WILL have success if you do these things DAILY. But when you do it for a week or two and expect the heavens to open up for you, that’s what people often mistake for “consistency”. Doing these things everyday for months and then years? THAT’S consistency, Boss.

And if you think about it, if you get your head down, do these things consistently for a YEAR and can build the business and life of your dreams because of it..wouldn’t you think it was worth it? When you consider what a year of your life is like? It’s ONE YEAR.

Here are a couple of tips to make yourself consistent:

Right now, write down a list of tasks you know you need to do daily and weekly in your business to have success.

Schedule these tasks into your calendar. LITERALLY put then in your calendar with the specific task you’re going to do so when you sit down to work, you know exactly what you’re going to do.

Hire a coach or join a group coaching programme. If you can’t invest in yourself right now, at least join a free business owners group (my Busy To Boss one is pretty great - you can join here), and get an accountability partner in that group. Accountability is crucial when it comes to making hard and long-term changes in your life.

If you start applying these 3 mindset growth shifts now, you are setting yourself up to be one of these entrepreneurial success stories and create the business you’ve always dreamed of.

KEEP BOSSING IT!

I want to hear from you! Do you struggle with staying focused in your business and feel like you’re holding yourself back? Which one of these mindset growth tips will you implement first?

P.S. Be sure to get my FREE 168-hour calendar template to help you start putting these tips in action!

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[rexsilentium]

❚ : : — ♚ ( Hiatus Notice )

Alright guys, it is time for me to go. I have hinted and said this multiple times but here is the post for it. For those who have just followed me recently, I am sorry about the short notice ( and no warning for you ). Sorry this is long, but everything is important please read. 

I will be gone for the rest of June, all of July, and most of August. 

This is because I obtained a job at a summer camp and I will be there 24/7 for the rest of the summer. I really do apologise for this. I only recently came back to Red and I love him dearly. I will be back when I am done, I just don’t know if I will have service to even be on mobile. ( its in New Hampshire, and I have shit service pretty much anywhere that isn’t heavily populated. )

There is a read more because its long af.

Though I may be gone and working with kids, I do have plans for this blog. Listen up: 

1) I do plan on rewriting most of his bio. While the core concept is not leaving, the bio has been in REAL need for a rework. I will be adding his journey as well as his relationships to the gym leaders of Kanto. I will also be working on writing his relationship he has with Green as well. If I get to it and I want to, I may even work on post-alola, but don’t really be surprised if I don’t have it done because honestly, I really didn’t like the SuMo games. ( yea it was fun but really im kinda just really meh about it and didn’t like their attempt at bringing back Red and Green )

2) Verse Pages. I do actually have verses for Red. The page got deleted when I remade my theme to match the babe. But I’ll be trying to work on that. Maybe touch them up or put them back on somewhere. 

3) Team page. I actually have been needing to update this really bad. Hopefully i can work on their bios during camp. but idk if I will be able to get to all of it.

4) Relationships page. I will be adding the following people ( I will not be @ing you but essentially these people have interacted with Red enough that I am comfortable with them on the page ) Bri -- corvidmagicae Kitty -- laurxlle M -- lvl-0 Matilda -- caeciliam If you wanna be in the relationships page as well, just message me. I don’t mind. I am sure I forgot a few people anyway.

5) Threads. In regards to these, I will most likely NOT be working on them at the camp. Again, this is because I need service and idk if I will have any. I am sorry that I haven’t been doing the longer threads. RPing a mute can be VERY difficult for me and thus causes me to get frustrated and draft the thread for a later time. Essentially, if I do not have the motivation to do it, I keep it until I do. Please know its not because I want to do this. I had keeping drafts. its why I respond so quickly. But if I don’t then they just kinda get to be like “I’ll do it when I feel like it” and it really actually upsets me that this is the case, but seriously. I have tried to reply to half of these drafts and literally i CANNOT write anything.

I will be @ing you for these, just so you know that I do have them in my drafts. please please PLEASE forgive me that its taking me 5ever to reply to them.

@conceptualmortem // @caeciliam // @cryostasia // @extraplanaire // @corvidmagicae ( x2 ) // @spiritusdomine

If I have forgotten you, please tell me, you can send me a message anytime. You can either use the inbox or the private messages if you want.

6) The poll. Please vote if you haven’t. So far the multimuse blog is winning. I will be prepping for a multimuse blog when I come back. but I will ALSO be prepping Vahirom and the Tesla OC as well. 

7) I will be purging follower list upon arrival back. I regret to say this, but its PROBABLY going to happen. For those of you who don’t know. I have a total of 184 followers. I HIGHLY doubt that the number is going to stay that for long. It happens, I get it. People who are gone for long periods of time will lose people. But that’s not why I am going to purge the list. I also follow people who have been gone for 1+ years. I will be unfollowing those people. I will also most likely unfollow those who are non-mutuals ( i follow you because i want to interact , i rarely ever follow because i enjoy your posts -- though there are a few of you lol )

I will also be checking my follower list as well when i come back. I will not just unfollow people. I will also be following too. Course when I lose people, I also have new people come.

8) In the case you delete your blog and you have talked to me OOC. PLEASE at least come to me and tell me that you are okay. I do actually notice those whom I have talked to and I get really worried when you leave. Believe me. I had a frined who disappeared on my about 3 years ago and i FINALLY found them after these years. and it made me happy to know that they were okay. While you don’t have to do it, I do have some peace knowing that you are okay. 

9) Discord. No I will not be sharing my personal discord. BUT I DO HAVE a server with 2 lovely ladies. Here is that link: https://discord.gg/WYrqVN8

You guys will get titles when I get back too. You guys are probably gonna be stuck with limited options. But the 2 other ladies are admins so I am sure that they would be more than willing to help. We also have bots in there too. :3

Anyway. I think that is about it. I will be reblogging this a lot -- cause I’m gona be queuing it. Nothing else is gonna be in the queue so you probably will see this for the new week or so. I@m really sorry about that. 

I love you guys so much though. Again I am sorry that I have to leave. I pROMISE you guys that I will be back. okay? until then, you guys all have a good summer.

Note: if I do actually manage to get service, you can bet that I will be posting stuff on mobile.

[psychohelmet]

5, 6, 8, 9, 10, 22, 33, 40

under the cut cause it’s long af

5: Talk about the best birthday you’ve had.

tbh i can’t rmb a lot of birthdays cause they’re like any other day? just with good food lol. well this used to be a good memory but i don’t wanna associate myself with these people anymore. well basically it was a combined birthday/ xmas celebration with a few friends i had made on a sch trip to the uk. the seniors in this group of friends had arranged to meet the juniors at a said location but they ended up stalling and giving us clues to where they were (which was pretty annoying but cute) and when we reached the said location, there was a nice picnic set up with PIZZA and gifts. we just kinda chilled, played games, flew kites etc. it was nice ahaha. but one person in that group pissed me the heck off so now it’s kind of a tainted memory.

6: Talk about the worst birthday you’ve had.

probably last years. it was again … like just a normal day. sad. but what made it bad was that one of the friends that i consider close as heck, didn’t wish me happy birthday till literally mins before my birthday ended. i don’t wanna sound petty but it really made me upset. and … i found out she had a fun eventful date with her boyfriend (newish at the time) and that made me even more upset… yeah … i don’t wanna sound petty but things like these get to me lol

8: Talk about the thing you are most proud of.

having no eye-bags. ahahah honestly i have nothing to be proud of. but having no eye-bags is pretty impressive for someone who has a messed up sleeping schedule. literally all uni/ college/ art sch students will have eye-bags but i don’t. i know it’s not that special ahaha

9: Talk about little things on your body that you like the most.

honestly there’s nothing. i’m not happy with my body. that’s it. 

10: Talk about the biggest fight you’ve ever had.

tbh idk what would consider the biggest fight? i’ve definitely gotten into pretty bad verbal fights but nothing physical. tbh most of the fights i’ve had were misunderstandings or stemmed from manipulation. i wouldn’t consider them “big” but they were bad alright and i rather not talk about it cause it brings back horrible memories.

22: Talk about your worst fear.

probably the fear of being forgotten and having nobody to lean on/ talk to. this mainly stemmed from never really having stable friendships as a kid and bullying that happened as a teen. whenever i think someone’s a good friend, they seem to find someone better and i’m just left behind. orrrrrr that i feel like there’s literally nobody i can talk to because my problems seem so minuscule compared to others plus some people can’t seem to understand the problems i have and tend to brush it over saying it’s all in my head and that i need to grow up… etc etc but yeah being alone sucks. i might seem like i talk to many people but honestly i don’t. i probably only talk to 1 or 2 people daily but if they don’t text back, then oh well… just nobody then

33: Talk about what you do when you are sad.

cry, rant about it on twitter (hoping someone will actually talk to me), listen to music, lay in bed and contemplate my existence. basically i do anything to numb out the “sadness” but i tend to talk to myself more and create more fictional scenarios to make myself feel better

40: Talk about the end of something in your life.

tbh i read this as “talk about ending your life” and i was like ????? ahaha ok umm the end of a friendship i really treasured??? it was probably one of the closest tumblr friendships i’ve formed. it lasted, i think, for 4 years before it just ended like that. it was with this person who i met in the knb fandom and we instantly clicked because we both liked the same characters and shared the same ship. i rmb us bonding over new years’ talking about dumb imagine scenarios and lowkey role-play ahaha. this person was also probably the first person i gave my number to? we even met up a couple of times. we’ve been thru thick and thin. i rmb being for this person’s suicidal patches and trying my best to support them and helping them to get psychiatric help. but suddenly this person changed and i couldn’t feel comfortable around them anymore. for lack of better phrasing, it felt like person’s life and troubles were sucking the life out of me and conversations were becoming very very short and forced. this friendship was slowly becoming toxic. they moved fandoms so it became even harder for me to connect and talk to them. i didn’t want to stop talking to them because of this and i didn’t want it to seem like just because they were mentally ill and they had a lot of issues, i didn’t want to be friends anymore. once or twice this friend snapped at me for sounding “boring” and “naggy” for caring for them and well, just not showing interests in their new fandoms. they obviously found new friends and they started to act even more ridiculous like one of those people that memes too hard. i knew that this friend had been thru a lot esp when it came to friendships. they honestly were sick and tired of being used and people leaving them. they kinda had this policy “if you put in effort, i’ll put in effort too. if you don’t, then bye i don’t need people like you anymore”. so one day i just didn’t reply to their text because it had came to the point that i had no idea how to reply to a “ahahah ok” kind of text. they didn’t reply to check up on me once. i did think of replying like a “omg i forgot to reply ahaha sorry” but the thing is, i’ve been pulling off that bs for too long and noticed that they never texted first to check up on me so i just gave up. we hadn’t talked for 6 months and i randomly decided to check their twitter account (cause i had muted them because they were constantly spamming my tl) and they broke mutuals. i was, of course, a bit sadded but i went down to scroll and idk maybe find a reason for unfollowing me, and i saw that this “friend” of mine, tweeted saying that wanted to keep their following count at 69 and only wanted to follow back mutuals so whoever that wanted to remain mutuals, to like the tweet. so since i had them on mute, i didn’t see it and they broke off officially from my life. lmao this all sounds pretty pathetic and not worth mentioning but given that this person was a huge chunk of my life and that i’ve been thru their highs and lows, it just kinda sucks. it saddens me even more that even tho i cared so much for this person, this person eventually didn’t give 2 shits about me after finding new friends that they could feed off positivity from. i know that i’m not the best friend, or that i’m not an entirely positive person but the way this friendship ended was so … ok that’s enough of this. i’m leaving out a lot of details but oh well i rambled for too long

[accountabilityformargaretj-blog]

Testimony #1: “As long as Margaret Jacobson and their fiancé Noah is in a space, I do not feel safe.”

TW: for r*pe, sexual assault, non-consent

For more than a year, I’ve been quietly telling my local friends and chosen family about a person I do not feel safe around in our community since I found out some very disturbing and disconcerting information about them. I haven’t wanted to do a callout post because this person has A LOT of social capital, a lot of mutual friends and I didn’t want to start any trouble. But last week, after I had warned another friend about this unsafe person’s previous behaviour, this person sent me a text message that left me feeling like I was being intimidated. They told me I didn’t have my facts straight, that I was perpetuating gossip. But what was more troubling to me was that they gaslit me and called into question my own trauma that I’ve experienced at the hands of them and their partner. They made me feel invalidated. They made me feel crazy. They made me feel like I needed to keep my mouth shut.

I’ve been steering as clear as I can from this person for the last year, which has been extremely difficult—not just because they are literally *everywhere* but because we have a lot of mutual friends. But getting this text from them (after I’ve told them that I don’t want them to contact me) felt like a violation, and it’s in been on my spirit for the last few days to speak the truth of my experience.

The person that I do not feel safe around is Margaret Jacobsen and their fiance Noah.

Here is what I know:

I know that Noah (Margaret’s fiance) raped someone within the last couple years (I honestly don’t have an accurate date because I’ve heard multiple stories) and not a lot of people know this, despite Margaret insisting that they have been disclosing this to people. Margaret wasn’t even the one who told me about Noah raping someone. I found out through another person in the community who was told directly by Margaret and was very shaken up by it. After hearing this, I was deeply disturbed because I had shared intimate spaces with both Noah and Margaret recently. They had both seen me naked numerous times and I had even shared a bed with them at one point, so I felt extremely violated. I am also a sexual abuse survivor so I was very angry that I found this out this way and not from Margaret directly.

A couple days later, I confronted Margaret with what I knew at the time (they told me they had been meaning to reach out to me about this) and I told them that because of this I didn’t want to have anything to do with either of them because I did not feel safe around them. At the time of this conversation, Margaret had told me they were taking some space away from Noah for their own safety. A few days after this exchange, I saw both Margaret and Noah together at an event I was at and had the first panic attack I’ve had in years.

I found out a little later that Noah was/is going through an accountability process (which I admit that I know nothing about) but I do know that shortly after it was found out about Noah raping someone, he was still invited by Margaret into safe spaces amongst women and femmes, many of whom did not (and still do not) know his status. Noah is also still doing social justice work and organizing in the city without Margaret disclosing his past publicly.

Recently, I heard from a trusted source that Margaret was kicked out of a private callout Facebook community of sexual assault survivors this year after Margaret violated a major confidentiality rule by sharing information about the callout with Max Steele, the well-known rapist who was named. Margaret sharing this information undoubtedly harmed and put many other survivors at risk. Shortly after Margaret was kicked out, Margaret went on a podcast with Max critiquing callout culture. I know that Margaret is also a survivor, but they have upheld and protected a well-known rapist, which makes me feel like they cannot be trusted.

Other ways that I’ve been made uncomfortable by Margaret:

- Being sent explicit photos by Margaret of sexual acts they were engaged in with their partners without my consent

- Being sent explicit photos by Margaret of group sex they were participating in without my consent (or the consent of the parties involved in the group sex)

- Being given unsolicited information about private sexual experiences they’ve had with another friend that I’m certain this friend did not want to be disclosed

Margaret Jacobson has a lot of social capital and currency in our community which makes calling out their problematic behaviour tricky and terrifying for me. It also makes navigating the close-knit POC community here very challenging because I do not feel safe around Margaret or Noah, and since I’ve been blocked by Margaret on Facebook I have no way of knowing if one or both of them will be at an event that I am planning on going to, which causes me a lot of anxiety.

As long as Margaret Jacobson and their fiance Noah is in a space, I do not feel safe.

Margaret Jacobsen has a responsibility to the safety of their friends and community that they have been disregarding to the detriment of everyone around them. Margaret has contributed a lot to our communities and is a survivor themselves. I understand that Margaret has their own healing to do. Unfortunately, survivors too can perpetuate harm and abusive behaviour, and Margaret has done so for the last year. Just because someone is a victim doesn’t mean they’re exempt from critique and the consequences of their actions. Nobody deserves a pass on putting people at risk, including Margaret. This isn’t about Margaret, this is about unacceptable behaviour.

I am sharing all of this because I want to keep my own community safe. I’m sharing this because I don’t think most of you know all of this information because Margaret is not disclosing or being transparent with all of you. I’m sharing all of this so that you know that if you are a friend of Margaret Jacobson and you are not holding them accountable, you are being complicit in their problematic, unsafe behaviour.

Here’s what I need from you:

- I need your support and protection as I continue to navigate our very small POC community here in Portland as Margaret continues to organize and take up space (this can look like letting me know if/when Margaret will be at an event that I am RSVP’d to or interested in).

- If you are associated (or will continue to be associated after reading this) with Margaret and Noah in any way (professionally, personally)—no hard feelings. I just need to know so I can mute you on Facebook because seeing their faces and names is very triggering for me right now.

- I need you to believe me. I have been dealing with this in isolation and some of the folks I’ve told have made me feel dismissed. (And if you don’t believe me, that’s fine. Just please unfollow me.)

- If social justice and accountability processes are your thing, I need you to step up to the plate and make this happen with Margaret and Noah sooner rather than later.

As for the accountability process with Margaret, I don’t know what that is going to look like because I am not well-versed in this. But because of my current feelings about them and their fiance, I feel nervous about being a part of that process. I am however in full support of some kind of accountability process happening and I hope that with this testimony, it’ll help put some motion in action for proper healing. In time, I would be willing to join in the efforts in the accountability process with Margaret, but right now this feels too raw for me.

I do feel like I need to say this: I don’t think Margaret is a bad person, sincerely. I have no ill will toward Margaret and this is not meant to be an attack on them. I just want their problematic behaviour to be addressed and critiqued and for my friends and chosen family to be safe. (I should also note that because I am blocked by them on Facebook, Margaret cannot see this post but I have no illusions that this might be shared with them anyway.)

I totally understand that this is A LOT and get that you might have a hard time processing all of this information, and I apologize for putting this on you today. Again, I’ve been living with this for the last year and had been managing OK, but with the recent contact I’ve received from Margaret, I’ve had a hard time feeling safe and functioning on a high level. This is me trying to put the pieces back together and find some kind of closure on an issue that has been chronically inflamed for me for the last year.

Thank you for listening.