#I honest to goodness don’t have words to describe how this book made me feel

[bebx]

random don’ts in fanfic writing!

a disclaimer that these are just some suggestions from a fellow fic writer & you don’t have to agree with everything I list here. the intention of this isn’t to shame anyone but to only offer advices I personally take.

I hope you’ll find at least one of these useful.

don’t go “the taller man looks at her with a smile on his face” or “the blonde girl laughs, feeling his eyes on her” on characters whose names are already known by the readers. I admit that this is something I used to do for so long because I thought it was cool, until I learned it’s just unrealistic, because normally, if you know someone; say, if they’re your friend, you don’t call them “the taller man” or “the blonde girl” or “the older man”, you call them by their names. so unless your readers aren’t supposed to know the names of these characters yet, just say “Justin looks at her with a smile on his face” or “Sarah laughs, feeling his eyes on her” — it feels more natural this way.

don’t give readers your personal feelings. “the walls are closing in, and he still has trouble standing up on unsteady legs. panic’s making it hard to breathe as he realizes he’s going to die. what will poor Daniel do now?” — “poor” in this case is the author’s opinion, how they feel about their character. it’s unnecessary to add in your work because, with all due respect, it can make the whole thing sound like a children’s book where readers are not capable of knowing how they’re supposed to feel in this scene and so they need the author to tell them how to feel. unless you’re writing something specifically for kids, don’t do this. don’t insult your readers’ intelligence by constantly guiding them how they should feel about this particular character in this particular situation. your readers are not kids. they are perfectly capable of knowing how they feel. they will feel sorry for the character on their own. they will read your work and think “oh no, poor guy. how will he get out of this now?” on their own. you, as the author, don’t have to tell them to be sorry for the character.

don’t outright underestimate your own work. being humble is a good thing, but sometimes you just have to be proud. don’t directly say “this sucks” or “I don’t really like how this turned out” in the author’s note, it can actually drive readers away from your fic. it drove me away from a fic so many times. and it’s a shame, because I really believe your readers — I really believe I — would’ve loved your fic if they’d — if I had — given it a chance. but the disclaimer that outright says “this isn’t good” from the author themself is unfortunately more than enough a reason as to why readers decide not to read it altogether. so… don’t say that. you can be unsatisfied with your work, but your readers don’t have to know that. hell, they might even love it. so, yeah, be proud.

don’t replace eyes with orbs. I… admit that I frequently did this during my Wattpad phase, and it’s actively haunting my nightmares to this day. I guarantee you that you can just say eyes. “she looks right into his eyes” yes, you can say this, and it will always sound more professional in terms of writing than “she looks right into his beautiful blue orbs” which, if I’m being brutally honest, “orbs” used to describe eyes just makes it all sounds like a school essay where we purposefully use fancy words so that our teachers know we have those words memorized in our vocabulary. but yeah… it’s painfully cringe to call eyes orbs and it almost always makes me want to just stop reading your work, and I mean this with utter respect. don’t make the same mistake I made when I was an emo teenager. if you really must have to use other word that isn’t “eyes” just call them face balls or something (I’m joking, please don’t actually call them face balls). but seriously, literally anything that isn’t orbs. just… call them eyes. it’s already perfect.

don’t replace world with planet, if your work doesn’t include theme about space/sci-fi or if you’re not describing an actual planet (as in climate change towards the planet or a lost planet that’s never been found, for instance). — world and planet give readers two very different feelings. if you’re describing an antagonist, who is not a literal alien from another planet, whose plan is to corrupt or take over the world, just say world. “he knows he will watch the world burn in the end” sounds more aesthetically appealing and more professionally interesting than “he will destroy this beautiful planet” because, honestly, the latter sounds like I’m reading a fic about climate change, which yeah… unless you’re writing a fic about climate change, just avoid using the word planet in context like this and you’re good.

don’t avoid the use of Capital Letters at the beginning of a sentence and when you’re mentioning a specific name while writing a fic. you’re probably thinking I’m being the biggest hypocrite right now, because I’ve literally been deliberately using all lowercase phrases this entire post. I mean that’s because this is just a Tumblr post, not an actual AO3 fic. listen, I know writing fic is a hoppy, not a job. but if you really want to have your readers feel like they’re reading an actual novel while reading your work, I promise you the use of Capital Letters is your best friend, don’t neglect them.

*smut below the cut*

don’t replace cock with penis. I won’t go too deep here (no pun intended HELP💀) but cock sounds sexy, exciting and fun. while penis sounds like you’re describing a human anatomy during a lecture. smut is supposed to make readers feel aroused. it’s not supposed to make them feel like they’re reading a text book or are studying for an exam.

don’t replace cunt with pussy. in my very humble opinion, while talking about smut, cunt sounds explicit, raw, erotically mysterious and is overall a turn on while… I don’t know, reading the word pussy just doesn’t make me go AAAAAAHHHH the way reading the word cunt does (just my guess but maybe it’s because the word “pussy” is overused; we call everything a pussy nowadays that it just lost its meaning). also, from 99% of the smut I’ve read, it’s more professionally written if the author uses cunt instead of pussy.

***also, for the same reason why we don’t replace cock with penis in a smut fic, please don’t use the word vagina unless you’re preparing your readers for their anatomy class.

[igotanidea]

Logical choice: Dick x reader part 1

summary: apparently he was in love with two girls and had to chose. Too bad his way of making a decision was worse than bad.

massive thanks to Laura @gone-batty-fics for proofreading this <3 <3 I'm terrible with punctuation xD

***

Being in love with a taken guy is like….

No, wait, scratch that.

There are no words to describe that.

How can you possibly find anything to use while saying how you feel when your brain goes short-circuits when you think about the guy you like with another girl and your heart is aching every time you see those two together?

How can you possibly explain the constant urge to cry and scream and lie down and die and throw up and sleep the pain away, all at the same time?

How many synonyms are there for the word hopeless?

Bet you were broken-hearted at least once in your life.

Y/N Y/L/N cursed the moment she met Dick Grayson, with his pretty smile, all his charm and his the golden retriever energy. All that niceness, chattiness, and everything he was and everything he wasn’t, got her mind spinning and falling faster then she could have imagined.

And she had no idea what to do about it.

Especially given the fact he quickly became one of her closest friends, which was shocking even to herself.

Y/N was usually the person to keep her walls up (hurt one too many times), act rather cold and distant, not getting involved with feelings (she was not very good with that and her poor boy experience made her cautious). But hey, the heart wants what it wants and Dick Grayson had a way of getting her to open up, laugh, and just be her unfiltered self. He didn't seem to mind her innate sarcasm and twisted sense of humor. Maybe, since he didn't hate her genuine self, she could make it work?

here was some undeniable connection between them.  Maybe even something more than friendship, but for some reason none of them were able to speak their minds, instead circling around the subject, unable to meet in the middle.

Truly tragic how two souls yearning for one another could not connect just because the owners of those bodies were too shy and stubborn to say three words: I like you.

Even more tragic given the fact that Dick’s family were quick to notice something simmering under the surface, but decided to stay back since apparently it was none of their business.

Until.

***

“You do realize he’s in love with you?”

“What are you talking about?” Y/N frowned at Jason’s words. “Who are you talking about?”

This took her by surprise. Jason Todd wasn’t usually the person to go around gossiping and well, to be honest talking at all. He was the brooding type sitting in the corner, watching everyone with a murderous gaze trying to cover up for the fact how much he needed love and attention, instead using sarcasm to hide his vulnerability and sensitivity. Maybe, throwing a cutting, teasing comment from time to time, but this? This was completely not his style. And it made Y/N a bit uncomfortable.

“Cause I can’t watch you pining like this.” Jason scoffed, “It’s pathetic, you know” he almost rolled his eyes at the girl.

“You are pathetic, Todd.”She retorted, but couldn’t help the blush creeping on her cheeks and the sudden rise in her heartbeat. “What’s your business with gossiping? We’re not friends.”

“I know we’re not,.” Jason shrugged, “but apparently I’m the only one with the balls big enough to - ”

“Don’t flatter yourself,.” She cut him off with a smirk raising a gaze from her book,

“Is that what I get for helping you make your crazy little fantasy come true?”

“What fantasy,” she cried out in desperate confusion “Stop speaking in riddles!”

“You want to be with Dick. Whenever he's around, your eyes and body language practically scream it," he said, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“You’re reading way too much Jane Austen,.” she muttered, “And what’s with the silent creeping on me!?”

“I’m trying to help you out here!”

“No, you’re mocking me!”

“Y/N!” Jason cried out in frustration, not sure how to put his point forward without Y/N accusing him of being mean. He was not good with words, despite all his literature knowledge.

"What?!"

Y/N was fully aware that she was acting erratically, but the realization that being 'more than friends' with Dick was even a possibility? All of her logical thinking was suddenly on a very long foreign holiday.

“He fucking loves you!”

“And how the fuck do you know that?!”

“You’re unbelievable!”

“I’m just being cautious! I don’t need a broken heart!”

Jason exhaled deeply. Apparently he had to be the reasonable one here. He had known a lot about being insecure.

“Come on, Y/N… I’m not lying. Really. Why would I?”

“Do you really want me to answer that question,?” she asked, her eyebrows raised sceptically..

“Look…..”

“No you look, Jason…..” she raised her gaze at him, exposing all her vulnerability “I’m scared, ok?”

“I know. Trust me, I’ve been there. Still am…..”

“Why does it sound like you’re trying to use me as a guinea pig?”

“Huh?” her words got him confused

“You want to test whether it’s worth taking a risk, don’t you? Whether confessing is something that can actually end up in a good way?”

“Maybe a little.” Jason smirked

“Now that’s more like you.”

“Does it convince you though?”

She took a second to consider. Did it? Were Jason’s words enough to make her act on her feelings? To go to Dick and tell him how she feels? To create an opportunity to have a relationship? To be … happy in love, without all this worry.

“Yes…..” she whispered. 

“Yes?” Jason mocked clearly egging her on. 

“Fucking yes," she cried out, feeling a sudden surge of power and omnipotence.

“He’s in the batcave.”

She moved towards the door, ready to go and finish it all once and for all, to clear the messed up situation she found herself in. But before she rushed to the love of her life there was one more thing she had to do.

“Thanks, Todd. You’re not as bad as you try to look.”

“Keep that detail to yourself, will ya Y/N?” Jason said as he winked at her, being content she actually decided to listen to his advice and not see him as a villain.

***

“Dick…..?”

Poor Y/N had to fight the urge to burst into the cave reaching the speed limit of Flash. It was like all those years of holding back her true feeling finally made her crumble and the façade broke down and she needed to tell him now, now, NOW!!

“Y/N?” he sent her his signature smile, turning up from behind the computer and taking a few steps towards her. It was truly touching how he always stood up whenever she was in the room, like a scene from a freaking regency era London. “everything good?” the man added seeing her reddened cheeks and shining eyes. “you look sick……” he involuntarily put his palm to the woman’s forehead checking her temperature.

Sick in love….. she thought to herself, but obviously couldn’t use that particular wording.

“I’m good….I’m good….” She shook her head “I just have to tell you something …… something important and ……”

“Hey Y/N…..” another voice chimed into the talk, causing Y/N to crash with reality.

“Babs…..?”

It didn’t have to mean anything, right? The fact that Dick and Babs were all alone in the batcave? Surely they just talked about some Batman stuff Y/N was not let into?

She was not let in.

And that was emphatic enough, almost as if she wasn’t a part of the team.

Y/N blinked a couple times realizing she was so focused on Dick’s face, eyes and just generally on him, that ironically she didn’t notice his slightly messed up hair and blushing cheeks alongside with his disheveled shirt.

Oh…..

Her gaze involuntarily traveled to the other woman, eyes widening at the way her shirt were open, her bra revealed and the love bite on her neck visible.

Oh, shit…..

Fucking Todd…..

“What is it Y/N?” Dick asked fixing his hair, his blue piercing, concerned eyes focused on her. “Hey? Y/N? come back to earth…..” he put a hand on her shoulder gently trying to bring her back.

“What….?” Her mind was racing, her hands were trembling, her legs was close to giving up on her. She could barely register what was happening when Dick grabbed her hand and forced her to sit on the chair scared she might faint.

“Y/n……?”

His voice reached her as if through a fog.

“She looks so pale…..”Babs was equally concerned now, and her tone finally made Y/N snap back to reality.

“And she’s back….” Grayson crouched next to her chair, smiling at her softly “you got us worried, it was like your soul left your body for a moment.”

Well, not so far from the truth, was it……?

“Sorry….”she muttered, averting her gaze from Dick’s, but he was not going to take the bullshit, grabbing her chin gently and forcing her eyes on him.

“You wanted to tell me something?”

“Yes…. No…. I mean……”

“Y/N……?”

“So you two are a couple now?” she blurted the first thing that came to her mind, even though saying those words out loud made her sick to the stomach.

“Yeah…..” Dick blushed a little looking at Barbara, who had a similar expression on her face. “Life’s funny, right? Old friend who’s been around all the time, never really seen like a love interest and yet……” he smiled even more, interlacing his fingers with Bab’s.

It was supposed to be me!! Her inner voice cried out desperately bringing not only the sickness to the stomach but also a terrible headache.

“I’m so happy for you two…..” Y/N forced a smile. Fucking hypocrite.

“Thanks…..” the other woman beamed “I know how important you are to Dick so I was worried about your reaction of us getting together”

“Worried?” Y/N laughed only to cover for the scowl forming in the back of her throat “oh, you silly one…. You two match each other perfectly! I mean, Nightwing and Batgirl, it couldn’t get any better than this, right? Besides you …..we… know each other for so long…..it was bound to happen.”

I have to get out… I have to get out of here now!

“It really means a lot Y/N….. I’ve been wondering whether…..” Dick added and for a single second there was something inexplicable in his eyes, but he blinked and it was gone immediately. “nevermind…..”

Yeah, right, nevermind…..

***

It’s been two weeks of torture

Two weeks of bitterness.

Complete disaster.

Y/N was depressed, Dick was torn, Babs was confused and the atmosphere was far from friendly, since everyone could feel the tension and members of batfamily were trying their best to not takes sides, which was probably the greatest challenge.

But as the situation progressed, the one with the least experience in human relationships just had to break the peace. Forced, but peace nonetheless.

It was typical Friday afternoon and they were just hanging around, released from patrol, ready to have a movie night in the manor. Dick, Babs, Jason, Tim, Damian, Steph, Cass and Y/N, who were currently fighting with her own head and mind producing every excuse possible for a rain check on the marathon.

“why don’t you just tell him?”

“Hello to you too, Damian.”

“don’t change the subject Y/L/N.”

“Tell what to who?” she mocked almost rolling her eyes

“Don’t play dumb. It doesn’t work well for you.” Damian said with his usual flat tone.

“That does sound awfully like an indirect compliment…..”

“Just tell Grayson you like him.”

“You what?” oh, shit, the person in question was now standing in the door of the room, his eyes wide in shock, his whole posture screaming the feeling of betrayal.

“Dick….I…..”

“Shit, Y/n!”

“Stop yelling at me!”

“You’re the one yelling!”

“Do you want me to record your voice right now!?”

“You’re in love with me?!”

“How is that bad?!”

“Cause I’m with Barbara now!”

“Yeah, no shit!”

They were getting nowhere with this discussion and to tell the truth, neither of them probably wanted to. It was just dumping everything that’s been eating away at their livers. Suddenly Dick and Y/N found themselves in an unknown territory, their feelings completely exposed, unsure how to proceed without getting hurt and/or damaging one another.

Well there was not a good way out and at the moment screaming was something that at least helped them getting all that pain, fear and hurt out in the open.

“You can’t do that Y/N!”

“Maybe if you had the guts to tell me how you felt first it wouldn’t come to this!” she spat at him

“How I felt….?” Dick stuttered, clearly taken aback “what do you mean?”

“nothing….” She muttered, calming down in an instant. He was not supposed to know that she knew.

“Y/N!”

“fuck you!”

Whoops. Shit. Too much.

She was acting crazy, yes, but come on, cut her some slack, she was broken-hearted and a person with a damaged heart never acts sane.

“If that’s what you truly want then ok, fuck me….. you’re just making it so easy to make a choice here, Y/N!”

“You said it yourself, you are with Babs now!”

“It doesn’t change how I feel about you!”

“You what….?”

“You think I can just turn it off or something!?”

“Dick….”

“No….. no you’re right… I’m with Babs…..”

God damn it! It was like walking in circles. Two adults behaving in a worse way than kids in the kindergarten and no one could possibly stop the incoming storm.

***

And now she was in love with a taken guy.

A taken guy who could have been hers if only she was slightly faster to confess.

Apparently timing is everything and instead of being happy in love she was now forced to grit her teeth whenever dick and Babs were around together.

Which was pretty much all the time.

Well, they were pretty much together all the time before, but not like together together.

Maybe Y/N should have known…..

It was highly unlikely that a vigilante would keep his relationship with a civilian and much more probable that he would end up with another self-appointed crime fighter.

And Dick seemed happy so what was she supposed to do apart from dwelling in poorly hidden misery and listening to sad love songs while facing the ceiling with one single question in her mind.

What if…..?

***

The second dick saw Y/N in the cave a week ago, noticed her sad, confused and a bit lost expression he knew. Y/N loved him the same way he loved her.

But he was with Babs now. He felt for the Batgirl and was not going to leave. That would be a shitty thing to do, right? To leave a girl just because he what? Got bored? Changed his mind or went through a change of heart?

On the other hand, however, how shitty it was to do this to Y/N? He’s been in love with her for so long, always keeping his mouth shut about it, hoping she would somehow figure it out. And now, that she was finally ready to make it a reality, he was with another girl.

Get yourself together, Dick. You can’t just back out on Barbara. You’re with her now. You love her.

But Y/N…..

His first true love.. from a very young age, even before he knew what love was. All those years of waiting only to give up on the final stretch.

And the vulnerability he saw in her whole posture every time she was around. Those pretty doe eyes that never looked at him ever since the scene at the batcave.

They were still friends, sort of, at least, because to tell the whole truth, the situation between them was more than awkward.

And he was very well aware he would have to choose between two girls, because being stuck in a situation like this, with all the knowledge he had, was way too much for him.

Too bad he chose a very devious way to make a decision.

***

"What is it?" Y/N asked upon seeing a single piece of paper in Tim's hands.

"Nothing!"

"Oh, come on, let me see...."

"Trust me on this, you don't want to." Tim shook his head passing the object to Dick, who quickly tossed it to Jason, who was standing the furthest from Y/n.

"All right, fine" Y/N shrugged "I won’t be playing your silly games here...." before any of the boys realized what was happening she snuck past Jason and ripped the paper from him, her eyes immediately focusing on the printed text.

"What.....?" she stuttered, running her eyes on the words yet unable to make any sense of them "Dick?" her hurt expression killed him at the spot.

"It was Jason's idea!" the man cried out as if that could serve as an excuse.

"Yeah, here's the part I was hoping would not come out." Jason muttered

"Y/N." the girl started reading out loud "cons. Tend to live in her own world. Keep her walls up. Stubborn as hell..... Wow.....Just.... just wow." A single gasp was enough of an indication of her emotional state.

“there are also plus points……..?” he almost cringed once those words left his mouth.

“How could you Dick….?”

"Y/n...." Dick took a step forward, realizing that Jason and Tim have already fled the room leaving him to deal with Y/N and her obvious pain alone. Cowards.

"On the other side " she instantly moved back, out of his reach "Barbara. Pluses and weaknesses..... You were comparing us like this? THAT was your way to decide......? By using what? Fucking logic? By trying to decide which one of us is more useful or something……? " her voice broke and she was unable to finish the sentence, while tears started brimming in her eyes.  

That was like a whole new level of betrayal. Like her heart was ripped out and tossed into the gutter.

"Y/n... please, it's not what it looks like...."

"It's exactly what it is. To put it simply, you just treated me like a goat for sale……”

"Please, let me explain.... Please, I'm begging you...."

“Just leave me alone!” she cried out running out to hide in the manor library, possibly the only place that could have given her some sort of comfort and shelter.

"Good luck with making it right, Dickhead...." Jason reappeared just in time to see Y/N rush past the hallway.

"Shut up!" Dick ran his hands through his hair in utter desperation, barely restraining from tearing them all out. It would be so much easier to blame it all on his brother and his stupid idea but deep inside Dick knew it was on him. He never should have listened to the bad advice in the first place.

Of course he was going to choose Y/N.

And there was never any reason to make some stupid list. How could there be when there has always been just one option to begin with?

And now, as much as he wanted Y/N, not Barbara, she was not going to forgive him for not letting his heart decide, but focusing on what seemed more comfortable.

How fucking selfish was that?

[kikyan]

Yandere Pomefiore Headcanons

TW/CW: Dark Content up ahead!! Yandere content specifically!! Themes will include but not be limited to, yandere, possessiveness, violence towards reader or characters, manipulation, mentions of stalking, obsession, etc. (I think that should be it but unless I'm missing something please do let me know!!) Please proceed with caution!!

DISCLAIMER: These are my interpretations of his/her/their persona and none of these is 100% accurate. I don't condone any of these actions in real life and all of this is purely fictional and should be taken as such! Underage characters will ONLY be given SFW headcanons, please respect this decision!

Banner made by @herestrish please don't steal my bestie worked hard on it and I love them so much :((

Vil Schoenheit

Beautiful Vil indeed, Vil is one of the characters who I feel relate to the most. His desire to be the fairest is rooted in the ideology that he has to work twice as hard for the praise that comes at no cost for Niege. Vil’s S/O would be someone who can see past that, maybe someone who can see the ‘ugliest’ parts of him but still want to be with him. Someone that can accept Vil for himself. With that said, he’s a manipulative, possessive, and overprotective yandere. 

It needs to be said that Vil is probably the most reliable housewarden here. I feel like he’s the type you should go to for advice because he tells it to you straight. He doesn’t sweeten his tone or downplay the situation to spare your feelings, he’s direct. The best way I can describe Vil and Neige is that Neige is cute, and Vil is hot. Niege is the cutesy persona, the kind and charismatic main character that you can’t help but root for in every situation. He’s literally the one who beats the villain with the power of friendship. Vil is a sophisticated and respected individual, the one who worked hard to get what they have, because of this. . .he’s often made to play the role of a villain. The one who is blinded by greed and stops at nothing to prevent the MC from getting what they want. That’s the role he plays. His S/O would be someone who sees past that, long story short someone who can respect and love Vil for himself rather than some silly persona he’s been pushed to play. Someone who can see Vil in the worst light but accepts him. You see the ugly but rather than shy away from it you learn to embrace it. 

I don’t want to say that he’s manipulative to the extent that Jamil might be, but he’s good with words. Pomefiore is a dorm that radiates beauty, not just physical appearance but how one carries themselves. This makes sense when in book 5 he talks to the others about skincare and even reminds Epel that ballet isn’t exactly a gendered sport. Beauty is how someone carries themselves, what they reveal when facing a tough situation, and how they view themselves and others, that’s beauty. If his S/O ever had a doubt, they would seek Vil’s opinion first. Of course, he knows more and his opinion is highly valued. His manipulation isn’t too complex but it follows the ideology that if a stranger gave an unsolicited opinion you won’t pay too much attention. Still, if a trusted friend gave it, you’d be inclined to trust them more. Under his guidance, Vil will slowly alter your mindset as well as your opinions of others. He’s Vil, he has a keen eye for these things after all. Vil says things straightforwardly so you know he’s being honest, that’s gotta count for something! So while it’s not a big thing at the moment, his words start to weave themselves into your conscious decisions. He’s not someone you would doubt, much less disobey. 

He’s quite possessive. In the way Jamil doesn’t want to give his S/O up, he can’t stand the idea of someone taking you away from him! Vil is quite infatuated with you, you see. The one thing he wants is standing right in front of him, he’s not letting his opportunity go by. He’ll start by conviving you to spend time with him. You’re failing your potions class? Vil can offer to help but it won’t come for free! The occasional fashion advice or skin care opinion, always offering to teach you the ropes and how to accessorize. Granted if you don’t ask for it nor actively seek it, he’ll never push his opinions onto you. If you do however ask for his advice, he’ll make a tight schedule that takes up your time and includes himself in the mix. Would he isolate you from others? No, but he would drop some side comments that might make you reconsider who you should be hanging around with. The choice is yours but he’s quite persuasive. He would never let Neige know of you, he can’t risk you becoming a fan or choosing Niege over himself. He just can’t let that happen. This ties in with his over-protectiveness, he’s by no means a pushover. With fame comes risk and Vil is more than qualified and prepared to ensure your safety. In the event that he does go public with your relationship (which he will), some crazed fan might send something to you! 

Overall, there are no traits that I can use to define how dangerous Vil can be as a yandere. Vil would probably force you to go through some rigorous training, anything that proves your loyalty to him. I think it’s what he values the most. Loyalty to him. Once you prove you can be trusted, Vil might start to expose bits and pieces of himself to you but don’t get your hopes up. Does Vil want to be worshiped? Yes, but he wants you to love him. It has to be you, nobody else can suffice. Nobody else sees Vil the way you see him and that’s what he wants. He wants your eyes to be on him, He’s in the spotlight and you’re the only member of the audience that he yearns for. Don’t let your gaze wander, keep your eyes focused on him. While it’s your attention and affection that he yearns for, he by no means will resort to groveling. He has too much pride (though maybe in extreme feelings and conditions, he may but unlikely at the moment) and I feel like it contradicts his ideology of working to earn. If it’s your affection he wants he’ll work hard and strive to gain. Do I think he may have a moment where he slips up? Yes, like in book 5, that wasn’t supposed to happen but it did. He had the idea of beating Niege at a dance competition but towards the end almost took his ass out. I feel like it starts to be futile, normal means of gaining your affection aren’t working, or keeping your love he may stoop down to using potions. Designed as ‘sharing’ snacks and drinks, he may slip in a potion that will make you agree or idolize Vil to a certain extent. He by no means will buy your love or use cheap tactics to earn it, but he may fall into a fear that you may leave him resulting in a potion to keep your love. 

Also, I realized that with these headcanons I don’t exactly highlight something that makes them unique, but I will start doing that with the remaining characters! Vil, what makes him unique is that he’s as suffocating as the poisons he makes. He’ll slowly start making his way into your life and cloud your senses. Anything and everything you do is for Vil. The air you breathe is for Vil. He demands absolute loyalty (as I’ve repeated countless times but I can’t organize for shit) and that loyalty is slowly woven into your routine. You use his skin care, you style your clothes a certain way because Vil told you. You style and accessorize yourself according to his recommendations because Vil is right. You act the way Vil would appreciate (in your eyes because I'm a huge believer they will love you for being you), and you are dedicated to him. The most unique thing about this is that it’s all according to Vil’s design. He managed to flip the table and make YOU seek him out rather than him doing all the hard work. 

These headcanons probably don’t do him justice but on the scale, he’d be an 8/10. It’s Vil, he would never show such unsightly behavior and I think that is where people would fall for it. If anything I think pomefiore is a dorm that can show multiple faces. They hold themselves to such a standard that at first glance, they could never do that! He excels at potions and poisons so he is quite a danger to others and his S/O. His manipulation is hidden under the guise that Vil is only helping you out. It’s Vil, sure some of the things he says might sound rude but he’s just being honest. His reputation does help him conceal his true behavior. His love is suffocating and overpowering. Surely you can learn to accept this ugly Vil as you would the beautiful Vil.  Not to mention, he’s clouding your mind to the point all you can think about is him (managed to save these headcanons because I thought the song Aishite X3 (I’m typing all that out) and how I personally feel Vil would relate to it on some form.

After editing these headcanons I came to the horrifying truth that this sounds like Nate and Cassie’s relationship in euphoria. . . shit. Oh! Before I forget, on the rope-chain-saw scale I think he would be chain. He isn’t one to restrict you physically, but he would restrict with you magic and potions. As I mentioned before, he’d try to manipulate you to turn the tables around, it would be you seeking him rather than him seeking you which would put him on the rope scale. Since he has a possibility of using magic to keep you obedient (rather than make you because he still wants you to make that choice) he would be placed on the chain, you can win back freedom (basically he has no use for the potions at this point) as long as you continue to prove your devotion to him! Okay, this time FOR SURE I’m done! 

Rook Hunt

This man scares me, he’s horrifying. In canon, he’s probably just a bit off-putting and he’ll be nice to you but as a yandere? That being said, Rook is manipulative, possessive, obsessive, and sadistic. Let’s get into it!

The biggest thing with Rook is that we need to see his reference material, he’s a hunter. That predator and prey dynamic is quite strong as we’ve seen in the beanfest event, he likes the thrill. Normally I’d say to run but he enjoys the thrill of that so start walking slowly. Let’s talk about his S/O, I try not to put too many traits because I truly like to believe that they prefer the personality of their S/O as opposed to anything specific but he’d be interested in his S/O. Their way of thinking and the way they carry themselves. We know he loves beauty and has no problem voicing his admiration, but when it comes to his S/O, his comments increase a lot. He loves the way you dress, the way you carry yourself, the way you write your name, and the way you speak, if you have any anxious ticks they don’t go unnoticed and he loves them as well. He’s very observant of any and all things you do, it’s scary. He’s like Kalim who sees the beauty and the good things, he just communicates them differently. To be honest, right now, Rook would make you love things about yourself that you hate or never knew about. As a yandere, that doesn’t change but his love increases by a lot. Tying this in with his obsessive trait, he knows everything. When you leave class with Grim, his eyes are on you. When you take a test and scratch your head, look confused (stuff you do basically), etc, he’s watching. He takes in any and all information possible. Things that are routine to you, he analyzes and takes great interest. Like a hunter studies his prey, he studies you just as well. Maybe at first, it was just something he does, but then it started to become extreme. If you take walks around Ramshackle and you feel eyes on you, it might be him. He doesn’t do anything other than stalk but that doesn’t make it any better. His eyes are ALWAYS on you. Taking in EVERYTHING. He’s extremely obsessive if you couldn’t tell.

Manipulative and this is also where I want to include his ‘unique’ trait. He will NEVER trust you. I’m like jumping a couple of steps but this will all make sense, promise. His manipulation isn’t like the others where they isolate you and try to make it seem like you only have them. It also isn’t something based on authority where they say, “I’m this so you should trust me” or where they use their fame to get you to comply (AKA blackmail). No, Rook takes on a different route. He’s a hunter and he’s always setting up bait but his reasoning isn’t always to prove your loyalty and love, it’s because he finds it fun. Like the Leech twins, you’ll have to be constantly on edge with him. It’s all about observing you. If you read yandere fanfiction, I’m sure you’ve seen prompts that involve the yandere placing the darling (you) in a situation where they can escape, but it’s secretly a test. With Rook, you’ll NEVER know it’s a test. You could stay put for three hours and Rook comes back saying he was busy. You realize then, you could have gotten help but you didn’t. Sometimes, he’ll leave you for 15 minutes and the moment you turn around to run, he’s there. You’ll either have to try to escape at every opportunity or stay put at every opportunity. He could send you on an errand, running papers to a teacher. Out of the fear that he’s watching even though logically he wouldn’t be in the office, you don’t say anything. You realize too late that it was a perfect opportunity to flee from him. This ties in with his unique trait.

He will NEVER trust you. In fanfiction when the darling has been ‘loyal’ (basically playing into their hands waiting to get the upper hand and flee) for some time ranging from a couple of months to years and the yandere assumes that they’ve finally given in. Yeah no, that’s not happening with Rook. You could be together for 10+ years and with 8 children, but he’ll NEVER assume you’ve given in. He’ll play the role and display signs that make it seem that he has but rest assured he hasn’t. He can be the perfect husband, and doting father, and just be a textbook family. You think you’ve planned well, surely after all these years he would believe your charade but no, Rook still keeps an eye on you. Not to mention, he has an army of 8 kids. He probably taught them to recognize signs and to snitch on you. Imagine you’re planning on leaving him but taking the kids and you tell them the plan but all these fuckers turned on you. Yeah, trust is something that comes hard with Rook (if you ever gain it), but this also ties in with the rope-chain-saw scale. He’d be rope. He enjoys the thrill of the hunt and I don’t see him as someone who tires of it. He’ll have some restrictions but overall, he wants you to be as free as possible. You won’t have any extreme restrictions or anything holding you back other than your fear of him. Funny enough, this brings me to my second point, he’s sadistic.

He doesn’t mean to harm you physically, but mentally he loves it. Physically, maybe but it’s not that common. He’ll find your scared expression beautiful and exciting, it shows how much you’re afraid of him. Of course, he wants your love and honestly, in a non-yandere setting, he’d be the perfect boyfriend. As a yandere, he THRIVES off the idea that he’s the biggest threat in your eyes. It’s the thrill of the hunt that makes that catch so much sweeter. Despite all the opportunities of escape (test or not), you don’t take them because of that fear. Any and all bait (escape or not because it’s mostly used to track your reactions) is meant to cause mental anguish. If you do bite he may inflict some physical pain but it’s not something that happens often. In the commissioned fic I wrote, you ran and Rook used an arrow to stop you. Yeah, he’ll do that again. He’ll treat you very well after (medical sense) but he’s not above harming you temporarily. I didn’t put him on the scale as saw, because he doesn’t want to take away your ability to run. Back to the original point, the mental anguish he causes is so much worse. It’s the way he will pamper you, loves you, gives you gifts, and speaks sweet words that make you melt away in a blissful state. You seem to forget that his eyes are closed on to you, he sets up traps that you may or may not recognize until after he appears to give you praise or punishment based on the result. You can’t read him and you can’t predict his intention so you live in fear. That’s what sadistic Rook loves, he’s the cause of your pain and fear.

Wrapping these headcanons, Rook gets an 11/10 on the yandere scale. I wanted to say 10/10 because he’s a danger but because he’ll never trust you he gets an 11/10. Escape really isn’t an option (unless you want to end it all but even then your snitch children might step in). He’s possessive like most, if not ALL yanderes. You’re his, trust me others will regret messing with you. I don’t think Rook would isolate you so he’s not possessive in that sense (like some of the yanderes) but he still wants you to be his and his alone. I don’t think he’d brand you (this brings up a tiny point how despite what you think he sees you as an equal and not as a pet because the mental anguish he causes is what leads you to make that dynamic) but if pushed to the point, he may and find beauty in something of his on your skin. He’s dangerous because he causes an INSANE amount of mental anguish (cater levels) but he can also be physical if need be. He’s always watching and his love is like an anchor, constantly weighing you down and making it hard to breathe. All eyes on you as he sees everything and anything, not to mention his unique magic? Yeah no, escape has and will never be an option. Honestly, I feel like maybe (since this isn’t canon and a yandere headcanon) the whole Pomefiore dorm might be in on it. I see Rook trusting Epel and Vil with you or knowing about you. They might even be the unsuspecting bait that Rook plants. If you thought one pair of highly trained hunting eyes was bad enough, imagine a dorm full of eyes that are trained to see people in the spotlight.

Epel Felmier

So starting right off the bat I’m gonna say what his unique trait is. It’s his appearance. Book 5 was about Vil trying to get Epel to see that his cute face was something he could use to his advantage rather than a disadvantage. So, he’s going to take what Vil taught him and put it to good use. Overall characteristics would include manipulative and overprotective, with a hint of possessiveness.

Finding a way to tie in his unique trait with these characteristics is simple but let’s get into it! Manipulating you and others is quite easy for Epel. Though he doesn’t like being seen as some dainty and petite individually, he’s more than content using it to get you and others to listen to him. You would probably lower your guard a lot more with Epel because it’s Epel. At first glance, I think most of us could push him away if things ever got physical. Which is why Epel doesn’t seem like a danger at first. Epel's gentle and soft-spoken nature is something so refreshing to be around with (especially after hanging out with Ace and Deuce) and is usually quite calming. Epel is sweet and caring, always minding his manners which are suited for someone in Pomefiore. He doesn’t need to do any extra work because you feel comfortable around him talking about your personal life. When something occurs, you may ask Epel for his advice or maybe just to listen (which he’s always down for). It’s different from the others because sometimes Ace happens to say things so bluntly and Deuce, while having good intentions, says things that just don’t work. Epel is a soft-spoken person who offers advice in a tone that doesn’t mean to criticize or look down upon. Finding ways to effectively get his point across without the need of hurting your feelings. You trust Epel so much and while he appreciates this, he knows it stems from his appearance.

I can see him slightly being annoyed by this at first until he starts to slip up. Imagine your surprise when Epel is single-handly arguing and fighting the students who made fun of you. Imagine your surprise when the sweet boy starts to act out, saying things you didn’t expect to leave his mouth and just starts acting different. It’s total whiplash. Once he’s gotten your trust and you start to reconsider, his appearance comes to the rescue when you start accusing Epel of things he’s done. Honestly, I can see Vil and Rook stepping in if things get serious but most of the time his good looks do the talking. What do you mean Epel scared you? He grabbed your wrist and left a nasty bruise? That doesn’t sound like the Epel I know. Did he say all those mean things to you? Are you sure? Epel doesn’t speak like that! Suddenly, he’s making everyone turn against you for speaking out against him. How scary is Epel?

I want to include overprotectiveness and possessiveness together because they go hand in hand. Epel loves you and he’d fight for your honor! It’s quite cute, brave, and courageous to see someone of a small stature standing up against the bad guys. He was raised on the principle of treating everyone with respect and you’re no different! His possessiveness ties in when others try to steal you away from him. No doubt looking down on him because of his size and he needs to show them who’s boss! Well, he sounds tame, so what’s the big issue? Ladies and gentleman, it’s a power dynamic scale we have going on. See Epel is so used to being seen as someone small and petite and while he appears that way to his darling, he has the ability to remind them who is in charge. Though I don’t see Epel as being someone to get physical with you off the bat, there are times when he sees it as his last resort (and by last I mean he tried one other option and gave up). Considering he has a short temper, it’s more often than not. He can be like Ace who says some mean things and basically degrades you but no point in telling anyone because it’s not like anyone would believe sweet Epel would say that. He can pose a threat and when all else fails, start resulting to hitting you to keep you tied to him but again no use saying anything because who would believe you? Granted, there is only so much he can hide behind leading me to a small point, I think Vil and Rook would encourage his behavior.

Vil would dislike the way he’s so rough with you but he did gain your trust with that pretty face of his. Rook would find it amusing. Honestly, he’d feel the same when he thinks you shouldn’t be too rough with your darling, but Epel is a stubborn one who doesn’t accept defeat. In the rope-chain-saw scale, he’d be split between rope and chain. Honestly, like Rook, you start to grow a fear of Epel. While most of the time he’s his usual self (the one you came to love), saying the wrong thing could set him off and spell disaster for you. It’s like walking on eggshells for your safety. So at some point, Epel has no need for too many restrictions but Vil encourages him not to slip up. Not to get too cocky and assume he’ll always be at the top because an unssuspecting person came come and steal you away. It’s as if they’re trying to make him worse than he already is, resulting in the border between chain and rope. Depending on what happens and how he feels, he made add too many restrictions and he’s always inconsistent with them, but most of the time he’s a rope. Doesn’t feel the need to keep you caged and away when you already know the consequences that await you.

Epel overall isn’t too dangerous, maybe a 6/10? His behaviors can start to get predictable but do be careful with that face. He may even stage a situation where you’re the one hurting precious Epel and onlookers judge you. How could you come to hurt someone like Epel? Surely he didn’t pose too much of a threat. Though, while he physically is strong and has a quite short temper, his behaviors can become routine and easy to follow. He’s really only a danger more than Deuce because he would have the help of Vil and Rook. I’m sure that over time you could turn the tables on him and either fight back or paint him to be the villain he is. He’s truly like the poisoned apple, beautiful and tempting on the outside but rotten to the core.

[au-starss]

WHAT'S IN A NAME ?

༄ synopsis… they're voicelines about you, before and after starting a relationship (pt. 2)

༄ characters… artem, ayato, childe, diluc, kaeya, kazuha, luke, marius, pantalone, thoma, xiao, vyn, zhongli x gn!reader

༄ tags… slightly ooc

༄ words… n/a

༄ author’s thoughts… part 1 can be found here!

luke !

Before dating:

‘One of the best lawyers I know of! God they’re so spectacular. We’ve known each other for quite a while, since we were kids, as a matter of fact. It’s a shame we were separated for so long, but that’s a story for another time, right? Anyways, I’d definitely recommend their services. I can give you a contact number if you’d like.’

Dating:

‘I want to get a bit personal with you, if that’s alright. I love [Name] with everything in me. I want to give them the best life. They’re the reason I’m having a harder time accepting my limited time left. I would hate to just up and leave them like that. So, I’m gonna fight to stay alive. Just for them. [Name] is always someone worth fighting for.’

marius !

Before dating:

‘Definitely someone who’s really feisty. Even during our first meeting they were determined to not play my games and get what they needed with me. Though, we did get a little closer after investigating together. Hopefully you trust me when I say that they are one of the best lawyers around. I could go on for hours about [Name]’s skills if you’d like.’

Dating:

‘A work of art to me. That’s how I would describe them in my eyes. Ever since our relationship started my artistry has been filled with them and their beautiful smiles. I’m hoping to compose a book of drawings of us, and maybe even gift it to them one day. That way, [Name] knows how incredible they are to me. Yeah, that’s a good idea!’

pantalone !

Before dating:

‘I can let you in on something about [Name], traveler. They’re a harbinger for a reason. Their negotiation and gambling skills are beyond anything I’ve seen before. They even exceed my own in some areas. Working with [Name] always guarantees success on my part when it comes to trades. I assure you, you don’t want to get on their bad side.’

Dating:

‘It’s truly mind blowing how well we work together in a relationship. I love them to death, and I trust they do love me too. I sometimes wonder what life would be like if I hadn’t pursued a relationship with them. That made me realize a small pang of loneliness I always had before. I can’t imagine going back to feeling that way again, all thanks to my love, [Name].’

thoma !

Before dating:

‘[Name] is one of my closest companions at the estate! They’re always offering to help me with my daily duties after they finish. They’re such a blast to hang around all the time. Even my lord and my lady enjoy [Name]’s presence when having a nice evening. You should come and spend a dinner with us one night traveler, how about it?’

Dating:

‘Where do I even begin with them? [Name] is absolutely spectacular in so many ways. Words can’t properly explain everything about them. We both really enjoy helping the local dogs when we have free time. To be honest traveler, I want to spend the rest of my life with them. It’s selfish, I know, but I truly can’t help it when it comes to them.’

xiao !

Before dating:

‘Oh yeah, I know of them. [Name] is one of the workers here at the Inn. They’re always bringing me meals, leaving them on the table and coming back later to see if I’ve eaten them. It’s irritating; we’ve never once come face to face yet they’re so adamant on making me get that meal. Maybe I could consider showing myself to them so they stop coming.’

Dating:

‘They’re.. too kind for their own good. The amount of times they come back after I push them away is frustrating and irritating. [Name] doesn’t understand how being with me endangers them. Still.. I can’t help but feel somewhat nice that someone is taking time to be with me everyday. But that stays between us traveler, understand?’

vyn !

Before dating:

‘They’ve already exceeded my expectations so many times, despite knowing each other for less than a year. [Name] truly is remarkable. A good lawyer, a sharp mind, and even good character. It’s hard to find someone with all those good qualities these days. I want to further my relationship with them, and I do believe you should meet them.’

Dating:

‘I never believed myself capable to love someone as much as I love [Name]. Everyday they continue to shock me in the best way possible. If I may get personal with you, my social experiences as a child weren’t great. Meeting [Name] and allowing them in my heart was scary, but I overcame it. I have them, and I never want to let them go.’

zhongli !

Before dating:

‘Ah, you speak of one of Ningguang’s closest companions, is that right?. If I may, I believe they are reliable and easy to speak with. I’ve noticed [Name]’s interest in some of the stories I have to tell. I enjoy they’re company, and I truly don’t mind telling them any stories or facts I know. I believe their attentive nature is why Ningguang likes them so much.’

Dating:

‘What a beautiful soul they are. I sometimes wonder how I managed to become lucky as such, with [Name] by my side like this. It’s things like these that make one really start to think traveler. I have a will to protect them with everything I have. Such a pure soul in this world is hard to find, and I plan to keep mine for a while.’

[viridianevergarden]

You’ve probably posted about this before but I haven’t seen it…I am interested to hear an Elriel take on the “something sparked in just chest” line from the acosf bonus chapter. That language has been used by Sarah to describe the feelings between mates multiple times in her books. Why is this time different in your opinion?

Hi Anon, this is actually a really good question.

So as an elriel, I do know that my opinions might seem hella biased here but I’ll try to keep a neutral standpoint and be 100% honest with my thought process.

I actually haven’t posted about this whole sequence or this specific line yet so this will be the first. I might as well cover the whole thing.

Let’s start with reading the whole piece:

So Azriel woke up. It’s the morning after solstice, the morning after the slap in the face that was the “You will stay away from Elain” line. Instead of taking the necklace back to the jewelers on the square, he decided to descend the steps of the House. To the library.

Given the context of the initial line before the “spark” line, I think that Az was feeling some type of relief that Clotho agreed, essentially saying “yes, I will give it to her. She will be happy to have it, she deserves it.” (Kind of like an “oh thank god” moment.)

A spark of positivity to Clotho heeding his request at his insistence of giving it away. A spark of positivity in someone else having it. A spark of some mixed emotion rather, perhaps? It was definitely an emotion, but it’s been kept vague for us to determine. We don’t necessarily know if it is indeed positive or negative. Hell, we don’t even know if Az knows. (I’m thinking he doesn’t given it’s his POV and it’s referred to as “something”)

I personally don’t think it was romantically charged or magical in any type of way. I don’t think it had anything to do with the lightsinger theory either, at least not this specific spark line. Not with the current context.

Now this may seem far fetched but I think that Azriel came down with the intention of giving the necklace away, namebombing Gwyn in the process because she was the first person he ran into immediately after the fiasco. Of course she’d be the first person he thought of who just so happened to live in the library.

But even then, Azriel didn’t truly care who got the necklace, so long as it was taken off of his hands.

Observe:

“Look, I…” Az searched for the words, his voice becoming quiet. “If there’s another priestess here who might appreciate it, give it to them. But I’m not taking that necklace with me when I leave.”

He just wanted the necklace gone. Away from him. But you may ask, well why didn’t he just return it to the jewelers then?

If I put myself in Az’s shoes, taking into consideration how he sees himself and how he generally is, my thought process would be something like this:

“I’d rather someone have it than no one.”

“At least someone could put it to use.”

“I don’t want to return it, it’d be a waste.”

If I took that necklace back to the jewelers, I’d feel worse. It’d be humiliating. Not to mention the idea of, “if she doesn’t want it, and it hurts me too much to keep it, perhaps someone else could find better use for it.” That’s what it was, I think, that motivated him to give it away.

And so he did.

He left the library thinking of her reaction to getting the necklace and her eyes lighting up. Because it made him feel better to know that someone else would feel joy in receiving the gift with no strings attached. Thats why he explicitly stated that he wants the gift to be anonymously given.

And this small detail that I see a lot make note of:

“Buried the image down deep, where it glowed quietly.”

When anything is described with the words “glow” and “quietly” together, I think of a soft glow, and a soft glow is typically something of comfort or provides comfort.

The image of someone’s joy in receiving a gift that he’s at a loss to do with comforts him. Gwyn or not, I think it’d be the same.

As for this particular spark line being related to other SJM couples in the ACOTAR universe as well as ToG and CC, I’m aware of its presence in all series. I’m aware of its weight that it holds and what it has eluded to before.

However…

This is a bonus chapter.

This is a bonus chapter from a limited edition version of ACoSF that cannot be bought anymore— that was then available to US only.

Most casual readers are unaware of this chapter’s existence. I know I was unaware until I stumbled upon ship discourse online. I read the books by myself then got online to see the fandom.

I was wondering “why ship Azriel with Gwyn??? That’s so random.” So I literally had to search online for this chapter after seeing mentions of a bonus chapter. I read it off of a google doc 😂.

Here’s the thing. Since this is an exclusive bonus chapter, SJM would not set up a whole new ship in it. Not to mention it’d seem rather sudden given what little moments we’ve seen of Azriel and Gwyn in each other’s presence that were worth the page space.

And also the specific “he wouldn’t go so far as to call Gwyn a friend” comment in the chapter. I don’t think anything’s been set up. That supposed spark, I think, was just to show his mixed emotions about giving the necklace away.

And if it was in fact romantically charged, why put it in such an exclusive bonus chapter? I think it should’ve been a pivotal moment for all to see.

So that’s my current state of thinking. If I dawn upon anything else I’ll probably post about it and reblog this. I know I am most likely going to post about Az’s Shadows and their behaviors, at least what I think on them and how they revolve around Mor, Gwyn, Elain and music. Same thing with a Thing of Secret, Lovely Beauty. I’m still confused about that. Theres a million different takes for that.

But I hope this gives you some sort of answer that at least made sense? Lol.

[wiltking]

i finished Spring in Siberia by Artem Mozgovoy last night and i do think it has changed me on a molecular level, for better or for worse.

it’s about a kid who grows up in siberia during the collapse of the soviet union, of ambiguous sexuality (and gender, imo), and how he survives the isolation of a society that has no place for people like him. the author himself is a gay journalist who left russia in 2011 and it certainly gives the feeling of writing from experience in some instances.

i was really surprised by the level of history interwoven into the story, and some parts do come off a little textbooky, but i don’t say that in a bad way. i think its important to have certain facts stated when so much pravda in russia has been obscured, destroyed, buried, and violently erased. and it’s not a dry read by any means. its poetic and emotional and personal and honest. it’s relevant and critical.

i know a lot of people don’t want to have any sympathy for russians right now, and i get it, i don’t think this book aims to make you feel like you have to feel that way either. but i think it’s important to understand how things became the way they are, to see how far back the propaganda machine runs, how many generations it has in its grip, and how even if putin drops dead tomorrow there will be no easy fix. it’s a tough read, and i’m not sure if hopeful is even a good word to describe it (as it does on the back cover). but it’s good. it may be a long time yet before we get happy/hopeful gay russian romances (from russian authors) but i’m thankful for this book’s existence. even if it made me feel like i was being torn limb from limb. there are those of us who can make it out and craft beautiful works. in memory, in spite, with love. maybe that’s where the real hope is.

[ghost-proofbaby]

ghost!!! i am sobbing weeping crying omg twenty four hours is coming to an end and it is so very bittersweet. i found 24hrs on ao3 and stayed up until three am binging it, then immediately went and followed you on tumblr, and ive been keeping track of it ever since. im not very good a tumblr since i only started using the app for fanfic last october, and i am one of those people that sometimes is ashamed of being a fangirl, so it’s almost unbelievable to me that i have a space where no one will know it’s me and i can enjoy whatever i want. im still trying to adjust to that, tell myself that it’s okay to repost fanfics and that this is a safe space. but twenty four hours has helped me with a LOT of that. before i used to kinda be ashamed to go on tumblr, but now i scroll it daily bcs i didn’t want to miss any updates on the fic. i also made the plunge and officially got an ao3 account, after oh about, seven or eight years of reading fan fiction practically non stop. so im getting there, and i just wanted you to know that twenty four hours helped me to get there.

and i think the main reason that twenty four hours has helped me get there is because of the quality of your writing. you write beautifully, intricately, and most of all—truthfully. ive never read an x reader that has felt so real, so fleshed out and most of all, relatable. i would find myself having internal monologue as i read from the ‘reader’s’ perspective and then the next paragraph would, sometimes word for word, have ‘reader’ think what i was thinking. this fic was also so healing, in a way. the way you used literary devices to describe such complicated situations had me often feeling relieved—like i had just let something go. as someone with a lot of baggage right now and who has a hard time believing they could ever be loved, it was at the very least comforting to have my insecurities and my negative qualities forgiven and proven untrue through ‘reader’ if that makes sense.

ik this is sappy as hell but i genuinely feel this way. your writing has moved me in a way that actual published books haven’t done for me in a while. so i just want to thank you for the time, effort, and thought that went into this fic. and secondly, i want to suggest the idea of adapting this into a novel to be published or a screenplay for a movie, in case no one has mentioned that to you or you haven’t thought of it. i really believe you have something good here, and with your talent, i could see you being very successful. this story of these two people—who both have internal wounds inflicted on themselves, each other, or from the past—who then grow more self aware and choose to be honest, even when it’s hard, is such a rare thing to see in literature or any kind of art. and i think the world needs more of that. bcs, like i said, this fic was more than just a fic to me. it touched me deeply. i cried, i laughed, and i reflected my own self. in short, it was a journey in more ways than one.

so thank you—for your art, for ‘reader’, and for eddie. i can’t wait for the epilogue and to read whatever stories you may have planned for the future.

<3

(ps so sorry to have word vomited in your ask box.)

first and foremost — never apologize for word vomit in my ask box. i am always a-okay with that. 🖤

i don’t even know what to say. i have this terrible habit of putting a lot more of myself than i care to admit into both my readers and my ocs, and most of the time, it’s not the good parts. usually, it’s the absolute worst parts of myself. i take all the rot inside, and i throw it into these projections, and i try to justify how someone with those qualities would still be deserving of love. it’s always been a coping mechanism. always. and then i’ve always strived to be a better writer, make my words worth reading, because i know how much of myself i’ve put into it.

to know other people see themselves in reader or eddie or any character i write is both so strangely hopeful but also so saddening, and it just makes me want to give you the biggest hug 🫂

on the note of publishing, i have definitely considered it. it’s just a really scary journey to decide to take. but the day i do decide to take the plunge, whether with this story or any other i’ve written or any entirely new one, you all will be the first to know 🖤🖤🖤

thank you so so much for reading, for letting my writing touch your soul the way it has. i am so honored that this fic has had this type of affect on you. this message genuinely made me cry. i am sending you all the love. <3

[blysse-and-blunder]

 in lieu of a commonplace book

10pm sunday, jan 29, 2023

your gentle blogger has entered her next decade of life, thank you to @dying-suffering-french-stalkers and @redstar-winterorbit for the good birthday wishes last week!

reading not a ton if i'm honest, i've been deluged with gift books and library loans while at the same time crashing back into the semester, and the overall effect has been, uh, to freeze my recreational reading a bit. stuck trying to finish things like my audiobook of through the whispering door and ebook of maybe you should talk to somebody (have i talked about this one? it's a memoir of a therapist and reading it is like reading an episode of the gossip podcast, but i can also tell it's giving me occasional useful ideas and perspective on things to think about or ask for in therapy. but i can only take so much of it at once). the gift book i'm most into right now it lindsey ellis' axiom's end, which is a first-contact, aliens are real and the government has been hiding them scifi-- it's quick and readable, lindsey does a great job for a first novel, and i'm loving the alternate-history flavor of it being set in the Bush era and the southern california details i actually appreciate now. also the way the aliens are described, i love the design of them. beautiful and terrifying. but i haven't made progress in a few days.

through the whispering door is perplexing me right now, in that the gentle romance has developed pleasingly (predictably), but there's been a lot of talk about the main character 'having changed' and 'not being the same as he was when he arrived' and i can't actually. point to why or where that happened. this is part of the problem with me and audiobooks, i think, because i don't care enough to go back and re-listen to the parts where i tuned out.... there's been a new heightening of the stakes now that there's a time-limit, and i always like the flavor of an eldritch stag character.

EDIT: finished the monster baru cormorant, still recovering, immediately checked the third one out of the library though the psychic damage this series does to me without warning (dear seth: i'm taking away the word 'clotted' from your lexicon for a bit. also ‘lobotomy’.) is hard to rectify with how smart and good some of the new narrative details are. the introduction of ‘trim’ and its associated reliance on / trust in other people, to a story where the main character's stated weakness is thinking about things from others' perspectives? or anticipating others' reactions? chef's kiss. and the navy full of rugged, determined, salt-weathered women is just very good to me, personally. aminata my incredibly violent beloved. the end of this book was- devastating. not in the same way as the last one: this time i have the kind of fascinated-horrified-sickened-fixated feeling that i get about horror stuff sometimes, and i’d say body horror is what i expect from book three.

watching i got unlucky with weather-based flight cancellations last week, and spending a night in a random detroit hotel room created a great opportunity to check out my university's criterion collection access. for some reason i decided that this was the right moment to experience wong kar wai's in the mood for love (2000), which i have since finished in slightly calmer circumstances. despite knowing that tony leung and maggie cheung were both active in the 90s i somehow totally thought that this movie was like. actually a historic film and not a period piece? probably because of how much the visuals / how it’s shot and colored / the overall design feels so classic, feels like old school film in the best possible way. having now read the wikipedia page for this film i can tell i missed a lot of the actual plot, or rather, thought that there was more experimental / nonlinear story-telling going on than there might actually have been-- but that’s okay, it just means i’ll have to watch it again.

listening i don’t remember when this song first popped up in my spot ify, possibly on a discover weekly playlist a while ago? but it landed for me last week, somehow brand new and meaningful as i was contemplating the musical direction of my next playlist. listening to it with better headphones revealed lots of nice layers, depth and harmony, i like that bass throb under the chorus, it’s produced well and rewards paying attention to the extra stuff-- the contrary motion of the background vocal line in the opening to the chorus is nice.

something something i will get up regardless. currently repeating to myself, all you gotta do now is walk.

playing had the pleasure of hanging out with my Dnd friends on my birthday last week and playing a whole new style of game with them! Y introduced us to gloom, which is very Edward Gorey-core and therefore was delightful, and got our game-design nerds all excited about the cards themselves, and then K skunked us all at anomia. the adrenaline in this one is addictive? it is somehow so fun and yet so infuriating, and I have yet to regret suggesting it to a group or party.

making cleaned my room finally (somewhat) and have a stack of mail to send and cards to answer, now with the help of the beautiful fountain pen my roommates gave me for my birthday! It’s one of these, and while I can try to promise not to become a fountain pen nerd, time will tell…

working on this award letter for a prof is somehow the hardest thing to just fucking finish. I think because I want it to be better than just okay, and am worried that it’ll counteract its own message if it’s not? But also—I have palaeography homework now! and the abstract of a talk to finish, and that talk + associated chapter to outline! not to mention finishing reading and commenting on a friend’s chapters! taking it slow last week was nice and probably needed, but fuck.

[hyunjinspark]

Dear Lordy lord. I’m gonna rant like a maniac. I will start by being honest and admit that for some unknown reason I’ve been avoiding Star lost with you like a plague. I genuinely don’t know why. Maybe because I had to read this now. Maybe. But it doesn’t matter anymore cause I read it all. Once I started I couldn’t stop. I wake up at 5 am to get ready for work and I read this until 3 am. It was worth loosing sleep over. I got my beauty sleep later anyway. This story on the other hand is like no other. I can’t even describe what I’m feeling. A lot of emotions. Rage definitely because I did had friends this manipulative and unsupportive which made it all too real at times. And I’m a painter myself so it really hits home, having someone sharing your interests or trying to support you through it. Also the way you describe emotions. I have no words. Those I do have are not enough to explain and to pay the respect this story along with you, especially you, deserve. I feel like I’m giving some kind of speech but god damn, bow down and hail the Queen. I know it’s gonna break my heart but at this point, go and shred it to pieces. Reading stories like this feels illegal, because how it masterpiece like this one free? How? It’s way more better than books I actually payed money to read. I’m new on your profile so I don’t really know if you’ve ever thought about being a writer but if yes, there’s no doubt that you will succeed. I’m gonna buy every art you release if you decide to do so. In the meantime, I will patiently wait for the next chapter and probably read the story from the start cause it’s this good. You’re this good.

Have a good day, lots of inspirations and little to no sorrows. Take care Moonbeam 🤍💜

oh my god !

thank you so much. that is insane. this message is so fucking sweet . i am very glad you decided to give the story a shot and that you ended up loving it so much! you’re far too kind i honestly have no words im sorry i feel like theres a lot i should say to this. but this message means a lot to me.

thank you for saying all of that. ive always wanted to be a writer but its really hard to sustain that as a job😭 i will hopefully be able to finish publishing soon and i will keep you in the loop :D

you made me very happy thank you

[taegularities]

ive just finished reading a book that shattered my heart into infinite pieces and i am not even joking a bit. i knew that the book was as good once i started crying and tears never stopped. i think 70% of that book was me crying. now i have swollen eyelids lol. i never cried so much over something since i watched Hachiko the movie. like real sob, sounds coming out from my mouth, the real hurting package thing :(

now i need another book as beautiful as this one. and i don’t think i would recovered from this one yet. she even mentionned one direction’s songs to describe the relationship between the two mc. i am fucking torn. oh btw the book is « a thousand boy kisses » by Tillie Cole. have you ever heard about it?

have you any recommendations? also i am debating myself to buy a kindle. although i do like the idea of paper book, idk. i spend most of my nights reading ff to be honest but since last month i can’t find any that is why i switch back to « real » book again. although i think i missed a lot of your series too i have to read them.

that made me think, is there any books that made you to start writing? how did you find telling yourself that you wanted to write? would you considered it as an hobbie or a passion? pardon me if you had already answered those questions in the past too. in that book i’ve read, author was talking a lot about passion and made me realize that besides piano - i am unfortunately not really into it anymore - i don’t have any. like isn’t it beautiful to say that we had something to hold on, to escape? i miss that..

i talked a lot today lol i am so sorry. oh and if any of your followers as any book recommandations (not ff too), i take!!! 🤎

oh gosh, babe.. have you recovered from it yet? i know that feeling so well. some stories just stay with us and are hard, if not impossible to forget. i know it hurts, but i'm also glad you found a book you could enjoy the way you did. i haven't heard of it, by the way! but just googled it, and it sounds beautiful. soulmate au :(

i wish i could rec stories, but i think it's genuinely been years since i read a proper book. i know 'me before you' and its sequel made me cry :') definitely get that kindle if you've been reading a lot these days! i do prefer paperback, too, but i get the appeal of an e-book.

yeah, honestly, that's gonna sound extremely mainstream, but books that made me write were john green's stories, the novel 'every day' by david levithan and (okay, don't laugh pls lol), but ed sheeran's songs. there's beauty in all those – a lot of talk of love and the stars, of soft and sweet things. which is probably why my writing ended up the way it is today? but i've always written tbh… i enjoyed reading and at some point, i started a random ass story back when i was 13 or so (it was horrible) and then wrote my first stuff in english when i started this blog. i wanted to try it out. play with words, see if i'm any good at it? and yeah, now i'm kinda in love with it and trying to be better every day <3 so i'd say it's both a hobby and a passion. truly an activity i enjoy the most.

it's beautiful to have something like this, true. i hope you find your passion, too <3 and tbh, i'm so grateful you asked all that? bc i love talking about these things.. like what, you're actually interested in me and getting to know me?? i'll blush lol :') love you <3

[stellarsolarisblog]

Not so subtle: Valentin Rusmanov x GN!Reader

Warnings: smoking Bliss, suggestiveness (slight), otherwise fluff Word count: 1,280

Grim is just one of the many words you could use to describe life in Department 19. It was a cold and unforgiving organization where a rigid routine and rules had to be followed in order to survive. You were fine with that for the most part, it’s just that sometimes you wanted some normality.

You made friends with Jaime Carpenter and his friends Larissa, Kate and Matt who offered an escape from grueling military life. Jaime and you could bond over certain things you didn’t feel comfortable expressing like missing your mother. Upon hearing that, he made it a habit to invite you to visit his mom in the cell block.

She was a kind woman who always welcomed you like you were her child as well. You enjoyed talking to her as often as possible. However, one day you needed some advice and when you went to visit her you found her sleeping. Deciding it was unfair to wake her, you made your way as silently back up the stairs when you felt eyes on you. You turned your head only to be greeted by Valentin Rusmanov’s blue eyes staring at you with a slightly amused look.

“Morning.” You said after an awkward moment of silence. He smirked at you, “Good morning.”

He placed a bookmark on the page he was on and closed his book, turning all his attention to you. “Something troubling you?”

And that’s how your semi-regular visits to his cellblock started.

At first you came to him when Marie was busy or stopped for a small chat so you don’t seem rude after all he’s done for the Department. Then these small chats turned into him offering you to join him for coffee or tea. Soon this morphed into you just casually strolling in through the UV barrier whenever you wanted to talk to him.

…

You made your way down to him holding his copy of Madame Bovary. He lent it to you when you expressed your distaste for modern romance novels. The book was a battered paperback, barely held together. It had that old book smell and yellow pages. The small notes on the sides in Romanian didn’t escape you. You won’t tell him but you used Google Translate to figure out what he wrote.

“Morning, is this a bad time?” You asked still a bit sleepy.

“Ah, good morning, not at all. Some coffee, perhaps?” he smiled looking at your exhausted expression.

“Yes, please. It took me all night but I finished it.” You held up the book for him to take. The way his fingers grazed yours wasn’t lost on you.

He poured some fresh coffee for you and placed it before you. “You were in no rush to return it, why didn’t you rest?” He raised an eyebrow, teasingly. Damn his flirtatious nature.

“I couldn’t put it down. It was amazing. You were right, it did change my views on modern novels.” You sip your coffee and sigh. Coffee always tasted better when he prepared it, even when you bought the same brand. His was somehow better.

He let out a deep chuckle, “Oh, I was right? Imagine that…” Valentin dragged his tongue over the bottom edge of his top teeth. He crossed his right ankle over his left knee and held the ankle with his left hand. His right hand held his coffee cup. “Which part was your favorite?”

Taking a long sip of the rich coffee, you begin your rant on the book. Slyly slipping in some of his personal commentary you read on the pages.

“... But that’s not even the worst thing about Emma! She is so spoiled, so blind she…” You waved your hand around like crazy. The rant paused only for you to take a sip of the hot beverage to soothe the dry throat. Valentin paid no mind, he was focused on you entirely. “… Yes, of course life would have been easier as upper class but come on, it’s not like they were struggling! Charles was trying hard, he made an honest living! She should’ve…” Valentin looked at you with open admiration, he loved listening to you rant about things you had strong opinions over. Most of all, he loved providing material for your rants. It was no problem lending you books. Hell, he would’ve had his associates buy books specifically so that he could give them to you. He listened, but a part of him was elsewhere until you said “… she dreamt of a life she had no desire to work for” He paused. This sentence felt familiar.

“So you’ve taken my own thoughts into consideration whilst reading?” he teased with a smile.

You blinked, “Sorry?” Valentin chuckled before flipping the pages of the book, tapping a pencil note and reciting it in Romanian.

He put the book down and sucked his teeth, looking you up and down. Suddenly you felt squeamish.

“Okay, I may have reviewed them. So what?” You avoid his gaze, embarrassed to have been caught. Valentin finds it endearing.

…

“Just try it, I promise you’ll like it.”

“No, why would I want vampire drugs?”

“Why wouldn’t you?”

Valentin was enjoying his Bliss laced cigarettes a bit too much. He took of his jacket, rolled up the sleeves of his white shirt and undid a button or two. You sat there with a smirk, shaking your head as he smiled with those pretty blue eyes.

They turned red as soon as he inhales the smoke and his head falls back, legs slightly parted as he enjoyed his high.

You blush at the suggestiveness of the scene and turn away.

“I can hear your heartbeat.” He says to you and slowly lowers his head to you with a smirk.

“Worry about your own heart, Valentin.” You roll your eyes at him when he takes another drag, “I’ll just leave it with you, it’s safer.”

You didn’t reply, knowing he’ll say just about anything when Bliss is in his system. But there is something about the way he looks at you, he smiles with his eyes no matter in what state he is. You know that the look he is giving you isn’t just a side effect of the drug, but something more. You don’t read too much into it.

…

Sometimes the operators didn’t sleep in the same intervals. You desperately needed sleep but the living quarters were too loud. You groggily marched down to the all too familiar cellblock to find shelter for the night.

Valentin was lounging on his chaise lounge reading when he noticed you enter. He glanced at his wrist watch and furrowed his brows. His eyes darted upwards to find your half closed ones.

“Can I sleep here?” you ask wearily.

How is this a question? Of course you can! He will always welcome you and protect you. He grew quite fond of his friendship with you and didn’t even deny some deeper feelings that started forming.

“Of course, sleep well.” He nodded and returned to his book, or at least pretended to.

You sigh and drag yourself over to his bed. “Thank you. Ugh, I could just kiss you right now.”

“You could.” He replied with raised eyebrows.

As you settled under the covers you stopped and turned to face him. The air was starting to shift but your tired mind didn’t allow any shenanigans. “Good night, Valentin.” You chuckle.

Valentin smiles at you, “Good night, dragostea mea.”

You don’t tell him you know what  that means. Let him think he is being smooth.

[hxney-lemcn]

Daydreams Become Reality — Inumaki Toge x demi! gn! reader

Summary: Reader and Inumaki become partners, though they both try to be nonchalant about it.

tw: none.

a/n: This is the most self indulgent, author projecting on reader moment ever. Can you tell I want this to happen to me?

wc: 0.8k

Master List

Being demisexual and a hopeless romantic was not a fun combination. For me at least. I knew my fantasies were just that. I mean come on, I’ve only had a crush once before and that was in sixth grade. But reading all those fanfics made me so curious about certain things.

I was just chilling in my room, YouTube playing in the background while I read fanfic. Inumaki sat beside me, occupied with his own phone. Inumaki was one of my best friends here, and it was rare for us both to have free time, so we’d just spend time like this when we could. 

You know how I said I’ve only had one crush before? Yeah, well the count should be at two now. Inumaki and I got along so well, and the small shows of affection he showed me was not helping. Of course I rationalized it to be the way he shows he cares without using words since he kinda can’t, but I noticed how he’d do certain things only with me. We all know he’d never share his snacks, but he surprised us all when he shared with me. It made me feel special and cared for in a way I haven’t felt before.

I suspected that perhaps, he may like me back, but I don’t let those thoughts linger. I didn’t know if it was just me being biased, so I acted normal. I treat him how I would’ve treated any of my other friends. Although, my other friends don’t feed me their food if I ask to try it.

Anyways, reading this one fanfic had me thinking, what does kissing feel like? Even though I wanted to save that for whoever I date first, curiosity also nipped at me. I glanced at Inumaki, he laid on his back, scrolling through something. So I decided to be nonchalant about it.

“Inumaki,” I called out, gaining his attention. “Have you ever kissed anyone?”

To be honest, I don’t think he has. Not that I don’t think he couldn’t get anyone to or anything, but I feel like his lack of ability to communicate verbally would hinder that. But I asked anyway because you never know. His startled expression was cute, but I kept those thoughts to myself.

Nodding hesitantly, he spoke nervously, “Salmon.”

“Really?” I asked with wide eyes. “This might be a weird question, but I’m curious what it’s like. Was it actually like the way they describe it in romance books?”

Inumaki turned away, “Bonito flakes.”

I felt myself frown, damn. Guess I’ll just stick to fanfic. “Oh,” I mumbled. Inumaki tapped my shoulder, gaining my attention. He held up his phone that was opened on the notes app.

‘I meant I lied about kissing someone :(‘

I looked at him with furrowed eyebrows, “Why?”

Typing some more, he replied, ‘Idk, thought that I would seem cooler I guess.’ Inumaki didn’t meet my gaze, he looked embarrassed.

I rolled my eyes and nudged his shoulder with my own, “I don’t really care about things like that. Like I said, I was just curious if it was as good as the books make it out to be.”

Raising an eyebrow, I could tell that he was smirking behind the cloth that covered his face, quickly typing more, ‘We can see for ourselves…’ 

I felt myself warm up at the insinuation, I couldn’t meet his eyes. How could he go from bashful to a menace so quickly? “That’s significant other privileges,” I replied. “So unless you want to be my boyfriend, that’s gonna be a no.” 

Shoving his phone in my line of vision, I felt myself melt at what he wrote, ‘I like the sound of that ;)’ I looked up at him with wide eyes. The winky face did not match the bashful look that was currently on Inumaki’s face. Being in a romantic relationship was something I’ve longed for, and the thought of being with Inumaki like that, it was enough to make me think that this might be another one of my daydreams. 

But no, this was real. The way his cheeks were tinted a light pink, and how his eyes kept wandering back to me. This was in fact reality, not one of my hopeless romantic fantasies. My mind was overrun with so much, it left me speechless. Was he being serious? How do I reply?

“So, you’re my boyfriend now?” I asked, trying to keep my tone light in case he was just joking.

‘I mean if you’re down 👀’

It felt like my chest was gonna burst, I mean, this whole situation is so wack. Never thought this was how I’d get my first partner. Us both testing the waters and making sure the other wasn’t joking. I’d laugh if I wasn’t in the middle of the situation.

“No take backs,” I warned, a bashful smile overtaking me. “You’re stuck with me now.”

‘That’s the idea 😘’

I gave up on the idea of finding someone who I’d like romantically, but now, the flames of my domestic dreams were growing brighter by the second. Of course, being sourcers will make it hard, but for Inumaki, I’d do anything to keep this reality alive.

[secretswiftymarvelfan]

2, 7 and 15 for book questions

Thank you for sending in an ask! 💙

2). Top five books of all time

This is an impossible question! I am gonna have to cheat an include series otherwise it will be impossible to pick!

In no particular order:

The ACOTAR series

The Percy Jackson series

The Love Hypothesis

The Bellinger Sisters (Brendon reminds me of Curtis so so much!)

The Carolina Comets series

The off campus series gets an honorable mention but Carolina Comets takes it because I’ve read all of that and I’m only halfway through the off campus series!

7) is there a book / series that got you into reading?

It was the Percy Jackson series! I read it after seeing the movie (which was an AWFUL adaptation, that god they’re making a series now) I read them all through school and loved every single one!

15) recommendation and review a book

For you specifically Amber I would recommend It Happened One Summer by Tessa Bailey because Brendan is pretty much Curtis with Andy’s hair cut 😂 and there’s some really good spicy scenes in there, including one in a hospital 😉

Here’s my full review of It Happened One Summer:

Absolutely loved this book!!

To begin with I wasn’t completely sold on Piper’s character but as soon as she was out of LA and in Westport I started to fall in love with her!

And Brendan…. Words cannot describe this man, I love the gruff and grumpy fisherman with the soft spot for his fun loving socialite! (I totally was picturing Chris Evans’ character Curtis Everett the entire time too!)

I loved the way both characters grew and changed in the presence of each other, and how this booked touched on moving on after a loss of a loved one

Spice level: 🌶🌶🌶🌶

In general I would recommend The Cheat Sheet by Sarah Adams which is a NFL based romance with fake dating!

Full review:

Absolutely loved this book!!! I’m so glad I picked this up on a whim, but lets be honest you can’t go wrong with a sports based romance!!

I absolutely loved Nathan and Bree’s friendship and how much of a strong foundation it was to build up on from the get go! You could instantly tell how much they liked each other but also understand why they never acted on their feelings!

The comedy in this book was hilarious, I absolutely loved the internal monologues and how they showed the thought processes of each character in real time, made it so easy to disappear into the story!! And the chapter with the whiteboard had me crying tears of laughter, if there’s one scene I want to see brought to life its that one! And maybe chapter 31 but I won’t say more and spoil it!!

I also loved how panic attacks were dealt with within this book, because they are absolutely terrifying when you feel them creep in and don’t understand what they are. And how the characters dealt with them was amazing and made me feel all warm inside!

Absolutely loved this book and can’t wait to check out Sarah’s other books!!

Spice: 🌶

Send me some book asks!

[joshisurcrush]

"IT" by Stephen King

To preface this, the book is nothing like the movie. It's absolutely nothing like the movie. They took the characters' names and three isolated events from the book that were roughly three pages long each, and then made a movie out of that. If you watched the movie, don't associate it with my following review.

Heads up, I ABUSE brackets (constantly), and another FYI: There’ll be a level of abuse/sex/gore talk, so it might be in your best interest to skip this review if you’re sensitive to that.

IT (by Stephen King) was super crazy, I loved it, and my overactive imagination did too. The characters are pretty good (I'd kiss Richie Tozier on the lips in a mildly homoerotic way), the story is laid out so nicely and the word choice is insane. Even as someone who’s not a native speaker but started English along with basic multiplication, I’ve had to search up some words. Sure, the book might have given me nightmares about flying leeches biting dime-sized holes into my arms and flying into my mouth to then blow up to the size of a balloon as they fill with my blood, but it was fun to read. Wild ride. I also liked the perspective switch, graphic detailing, and the way that the horrible events described were used as a vessel to talk about bigger things. This book basically scratched all of my itches. A need for gore, a need for emotional depth, a need for comedic relief, a need for poetry, a need for murder and for horrors beyond my comprehension.

Ok, I'm gonna elaborate a bit further to do the story justice. I drip-fed the book to myself slowly, reading a bit every day, five days a week, and it took me... weeks. Well, currently it's one of my favorite books and there's good reason for it. First off, the perspective switches were awesome. Point, end of the story, I don’t care how you stand to Stephen King himself, the plot or anything else relating the book. Incredible. I like how you were able to see everything from everyone's perspective, how there were subjective and objective accounts of things, diary entries, news articles, etc. Had me cumming and nutting I swear to god and little baby jesus, it's so good.

Second, the family dynamics were well-written. I'm a cause-and-effect type of guy, and I like when characters are fleshed out, and there's a rhyme and reason as to why they're the way they are. King (Stephen King, the author) executes this fantastically by letting you meet the families of most of the losers (that's what they call the main characters if you were unaware.) 

For example, we're introduced to Bill's post-Georgie apathetic, cold family (giving him a motive to kill IT, since he thinks it'll make his family care about him again). We meet Eddie Kaspbrak’s mother, a fat and overly emotional lady that sort of abused him (I'm sure that the way she treated him was abusive actually) and she ended up really shaping his character from a young age.

Mike Hanlon's family was awesome and supportive though, real model family, but he got crap for being african american (the story’s set in 1958, it was really bad for Mike). Richie Tozier also had a good family (probably the most normal), and Stan Uris did as well (he went birdwatching a lot with his dad.) Bev's family, I think, was the worst of all because her dad physically and emotionally abused her, and well as attempting to sexually abuse her. This is later reflected in the man she marries, Tom, who physically, emotionally, and sexually abuses her. It was very hard to read, I'm gonna be honest. I didn't know what it feels like to read something with a lump in your throat until I read the parts about Tom and Beverly. Plus, it's like... ultra-triggering for survivors of abuse, it was pretty triggering to me, so I'd discourage anyone who went through that kind of stuff from reading. If you really wanna read IT though, as a sexual assault survivor or someone who’s easily triggered by stuff related to SA, you should skip over the Beverly POVs because frankly, they're just brutal.

Well, on a lighter note, I like how Stephen King wrote sex in this book (it's a continuous theme.) And before you judge me, I'm praising him for being thorough enough, but also vague enough. The story is not an erotica, it's not meant to be hot. Sex is mentioned as a form of bond, as a form of abuse (holy shit there's so much abuse in this book, it's absolutely packed with it), and also mentioned in the "losing your childhood / growing old" sort of way which becomes VERY important later in the story. Sex is only insinuated in the story, it's not graphic, you don't get any action out of it and it's only for the plot which I find awesome. Even in the part where adult Bill cheats on his wife with also-adult Beverly (lol), sex is only insinuated, even though it's the only actual erotic scene in the book. Felt like mentioning it on the side, but I *do* think that the way that King wrote about ten-year-old Beverly Marsh’s body way very, very weird; but I was able to let it slide because it wasn’t too frequent and medium in severity. Still think King is kinda messed for describing a kid’s body that way.

Lastly, the poetry is crazy good, and the way he strings together the literal dozens of characters with their own individual stories and experiences is so well-executed. King unironically sat down, created a masterpiece, and dipped. Everything fits into place, all the experiences come together to form this... beautiful picture with no loose threads. Everything ties off together, there are no plotholes and the more you think about it, the more it makes sense. I'm getting goosebumps and a boner thinking about this (I'm a writer, how could you tell?), but the only thing I didn't like about the book is how it ends. I’m gonna ruin Christmas, but essentially IT ends with all of them moving to different states/places and forgetting each other, like, a full memory wipe, and just going back to their lives before that. They're slightly improved though, because Bev leaves her abusive husband and Ben gets a promotion, along with Bill's depression lightening up.

Now comes something that really ruffles my feathers. I hate Ben's and Beverly's relationship toward the end. I hate, hate, hate it. If the word HATE was printed tiny, 10 times onto every square inch of the 1184 pages of the IT paperback, it wouldn't be able to touch the amount of HATE HATE HATE that I feel for the relationship between the two. Bev could have ended up with anyone else. Richie would’ve been ideal, maybe Eddie, hell, Bill would have even been fine if his wife had died. But Ben? Ben the weirdo who's fantasized about touching her breasts starting in fourth grade? Ben who never got over her, even as she was married? Ben who couldn't back the heck off? Ben, the lonely pig who I wished had died instead of Eddie in the finale of the book? I guess he's not as bad as Tom, but holy, I was dreading the Bev&Ben arc, and it ended up being confirmed at the end of the book. Screw that, bro. 

Still doesn't take away from how good the book was. I'd rate it a solid ten.

[treesap-blogs]

Happy 20th Tumblr Review guys!! Here I’ll be covering “Pet” by Akwaeke Emezi!

Hello, Tumblrians! Continuing on with my trend of reviewing Trans Rights Readathon books I read last month, we have Pet by Akwaeke Emezi! It was the second one I read, and I remembered finding out about it a year or two ago when it first came out. I’d been putting it off for a bit but decided to get around to it, due to the novel’s short length and it fitting the quota of the Readathon.

Pet follows a black trans girl named Jam, who lives with her family and friends in the city of Lucille, in a future not so far away from our own and with a plot written under speculative fiction rather than outright futurism. Jam’s mother, Bitter, paints pictures, and one day a monster from within one of her canvases comes out of it and essentially becomes/is real. The entity’s name is Pet, and reveals that despite Lucille’s image, the (metaphorical) monsters they’ve sworn they’ve completely eradicated still live in the shadows of the city. The one Pet is seeking to destroy lives inside the house of Jam’s friend, Redemption, and the three of them must work together to try to find the monster posing a threat to possibly him and his whole family.

With a premise like that, you can tell it’s interesting(even if a little overly condensed for its under 300 page count), but it’s also worth mentioning the trigger warnings. (As always, they’re listed toward the bottom of the review, but if you don’t feel like scrolling down, heads up that CSA doesn’t happen on-page but is described and alluded to.)

I’ve heard many reviewers describe this book as “darkly whimsical”, to which I agree. Pet as a character, not the book itself, is written in a way that makes the otherworldly aspects of it a little more magical-seeming. Pet is also Akwaeke Emezi’s YA debut, meaning that it teeters on the line between standard YA and middle grade at times. (I’ve heard it’s prequel, Bitter, does not do this as the plot and tone are completely different.) I didn’t take much issue with this to be honest, because again, it was Emezi’s YA debut, except for that given the subject matter I think the more mature writing style I’ve heard of in Bitter would suit it better.

Pet, despite its short length, also has a fully-fleshed out world. I think this is great, I love myself some lore and I think that in a semi-futuristic one like Lucille you have to both develop and explain the history that made it what it is in the story’s “present day” event. But it also meant that there wasn’t a good balance between characters and worldbuilding: the length messed that up instead of the pacing(which would be the usual culprit), and as a result both felt like they could use more development. (I did like Jam’s dynamic with Pet itself though, it added to the tone.) While the fast pace fits the tone of the plot, I think an extra 50 or so pages just to make sure Lucille didn’t feel underdeveloped, and we get some more time on Jam and Redemption’s friendship due to its importance to the plot.

I don’t know what else to say, except for that the ending, although it didn’t totally catch me by surprise because I went into it knowing the trigger warnings, was still heavy and there was this ugly feeling of tenseness building up to that that I’m not sure how to comment on. Because on one hand, good writing?, on the other…I don’t know. Everything kinda wrapped up quickly, which is good for those who don’t want to dwell on that for too long (myself included), but the quickness of the ending also gave me a bit of whiplash.

I do appreciate the ending recognizing that although not everything can be perfect and fixed, what matters are people going out of their way to protect others and preventing those patterns from being encouraged or ongoing. That was handled carefully, which is something I was slightly scared about.

I don’t know how else to continue this review, I think those are all of my words. I don’t have super strong opinions except for that Akwaeke Emezi’s writing style is something I enjoyed immensely, and I want to read more of their works in which that can be showcased outside the confines of this story’s short length.

(Here’s some pictures of the Pet fanart I made for TRR! Pictured: Jam, Redemption, and the titular character, Pet.)

Book Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️/5 stars

 (Book content/trigger warnings: Child abuse(specifically CSA), pedophilia, violence and some blood.)

~Paz, signing off!

Trans Rights Readathon Reviews: 2/5

[words--unsharedblog]

02152023

I crave love so terribly, yet I don’t understand why anyone would find value in spending their life with me.

I don’t get it.

I feel like i’m pretty boring, actually. I have a few interests, of course I’d love to travel the world, but that’s it. If I were to go on a date right now, and the person asked me to describe myself? to tell them about me?

I wouldn’t know how to frame it in a positive light. I ran away from college and home to come up to one of the richest areas in central coast, where I live in a basement for $400 a month, go to a job 5 days a week where I pack candy for 7 hours, come back home to eat dinner & nap for too long, only to further destroy my sleep schedule for the next day. and somewhere in between work and home I find time to squeeze in studio sessions where I painstakingly make ceramics that I don’t sell. but i’m exhausted, constantly tired. I don’t have any special musical talents, i’m not good at sports, I don’t watch tv or movies. i hardly read books, I hate to argue. I hate it when I get mad because boy do I get angry. i’m afraid of love, terrified of it. I don’t know what it really means to feel love. I hate the word, it means nothing to me (i wish it didn’t). those 4 letters have only been a sad excuse to justify shitty parenting. I have mommy and daddy issues. I don’t have any relationship with family. family means nothing to me (I wish it did). it was proven time and time again that I was an inconvenience or too complicated to deal with growing up. my problems were my own, I had to handle the emotional repercussions of every life event. I have a hard time trusting people. I never believe it when people want to spend time with me. I go out of my way to avoid conflict at any cost. I don’t want to be seen as a nuisance, selfish, spoiled, uncaring, inconsiderate. I truly believe I am one of the ugliest people in existence. I have my father’s face. I don’t know what it’s like to have a fully unguarded, vulnerable and honest connection with a parent. I parent my parents, I have for a long time. i’m incredibly emotionally stunted. I don’t like sharing my problems with others because I don’t want to burden them. I don’t know what a lover’s touch feels like. i’ve never been on a date before, let alone someone’s girlfriend. i’ve been kissed once, but only by an ex-friend who used me for her curiosity. I don’t know what it’s like to have someone want to kiss me, to desire me, need me, love and seek me out again and again. by choice. a first choice. the only choice. but i’m afraid; the only relationship ever modeled for me was one of intense hatred, spite, determined misunderstanding, and voices hoarse from screaming venomous words. i’m afraid of becoming just like them. I resolved that the best way to mitigate the cycle was to become the martyr. peace, at the cost of my desires. but then is that really peace, if I am unable to reap the rewards of that which i’ve sown? i’ve made a vow to never have children. i’d rather die than maim and scar a child the way my mother has done to me. I feel like i’m better off not having a relationship of my own, spare someone the heartache of having to deal with my baggage. I often wonder if in another life, I had positive, healthy influences as a child, would I want to date, marry and have kids of my own with someone equally as lovely? (I think so). but in this life, I feel like it is my responsibility to rip the toxic merry-go-round from its roots, to die quietly. on my own. no one to answer to, therefore no one to harm. is that what I really want? of course not, i’m a hopeless romantic. I desperately seek love everywhere, in places I won’t find it. I dream of what it might be like to be the subject of someone’s affections. to share life with them, understand their dreams and aspirations and explore those with them, to celebrate their success and mourn their losses. I want to make someone feel loved, desired, wanted, appreciated, needed, understood. seen. I want to experience life together. I want true love. I want a devotion so deep I feel the glorious ache in my bones. I want to feel like I don’t have to hide any parts of myself, that I can feel comfortable in my own skin for the first time, to see myself the way they see me, to really understand what it’s like to feel loved. to find meaning in the word again. to be happy. so…what do you like to do in your spare time?

If they were smart, they’d run. how I hope they run.