#I heart going off topic and missing the entire point even if it’s of my own making

[sadgirlautumn]

i obsess over the my tears ricochet a lot, all of it although my favourite line is probably 'you know i didn't want to have to haunt you but what a ghostly scene you wear the same jewels that i gave you as you bury me'. when i first heard mtr i didn't realise she was dead until i heard that line and it's like a gut punch, so good! just the vivid imagery of this ghost haunting someone who treated her badly and knowing he's the one that's suffering now.. it's just toooo good

One thing about me I love ghosts and I especially love them when they are able to get their revenge. 💅

I wish i remembered more of my thoughts from my first listen of mtr but i was probably just in surprise over her being this blatant in a song about how upset she was at the masters situation.

Also I know it’s often debated if this song is actually relatable or not and yes it’s very obviously about SB but I think the individual lyrics are particularly relatable so I kind of don’t get that complaint!!

Send me a lyric that makes you lose your mind and tell me why!!

[natewriteslol]

"Short" Fuse

Summary: Despite not really being close, Chilchuck opens up to you about being short, you listen and offer some interesting counters to his insecurities.

A/N: a lil sum sum :P

It had been a long, adventurous day, yet Laios continued his search within the dungeon for some food. The entire party was hungry, but of course the two chefs especially held the urge to eat. They both wanted to go after these specific monsters in the area that could be tasty, something about these snail creatures and main course. Despite apprehension from Marcille she tagged along and Izutsumi not wanting to miss out on the action and still wasn't tired due to her slight nocturnal nature followed suit.

They assured the remaining two should keep watch of the supplies of your camp. And with waves from all of them except from the beastman, the four were engulfed within the darkness of the dungeon.

Leaving solely you and Chilchuck.

Your relationship was most definitely not the closest as he adopted a fatherly nature amongst the other members of the party except for Senshi and you. And whilst that makes sense as the dwarf and yourself were both adults just like Chilchuck, it still was completely different.

You honestly just chalked it up to you joining the party at a later date than the rest, despite bonding with the rest of your other people, even getting closer with someone as combative as Izutsumi.

Truth be told, you couldn't stand it as you were at a stand still of a lack of satisfaction. You weren't liked and you weren't disliked as you both almost never spoke to one another. But you persevered and decided to completely break the ice, not caring if you were being weird at this point.

"How is your sight so good?"

He was caught completely off guard, thinking that you both were going to sit in silence the whole time.

"What do you mean?" Chilchuck asked back, side eyeing you.

"When defeating golems, you're the first to spot their hearts before anyone and you spot weak points on different creatures also that others are blind to. How do you do that?" You explained.

"Half-foots typically have keen eyesight, it comes with the hearing too. Big eyes, big ears," he put it simply.

You continued to poke and prod at him and you ended up making decent conversation with the man, even getting a couple of laughs. But somehow your topic had evolved from weaknesses, to then insecurities.

"Laois is an idiot, but I would rather have more height and be able to perform in battle a little more. Half Foots mainly need to stay out of the way and let other people handle it. It feels...cowardly," he says, putting his arms on top of his knees and sighing.

It was catching you a bit off guard but I guess the saying of opening up to a stranger than someone you know is making itself very apparent at the moment.

"I completely disagree man," you replied, taking a more casual approach.

Chilchuck didn't want to completely block your opinion and he was curious about what you had to say surprisingly , "What are you saying?"

"I'd argue every person in here obviously has an asset that they possess, meaning one would fall apart without the other. Also we have all been in close to death situations and you're usually the most likely to survive due to your height," you explained, poking at the fire with a twig as you sat on the cold dungeon floor.

"I guess," he replied, looking off to the side. But the look on his face had told another story, as if the brunette had more to say.

.

.

.

"Ever since my wife left me, I've been more caring about how people percieve me. Gets on my goddamn nerves."

There it was.

The Half-Foot blurted out, both horrified and relieved he got that off his chest. He held a small pebble within his palm, semi- gently throwing a rock into the fire, crackling the wood and which sent out light embers into the air.

He had been definitely holding that in for a long time, and had no idea how to say it or if he could even speak it aloud. It's common for people to feel that way, more vigilant and embarrassed over what others have to say about them especially if they're single. But it had been a while since the Half-Foot truly felt it after being married for so long.

And for the past five years, it had been completely gnawing at him and his security as a man. He was twenty nine yet still couldn't shake that feeling, but with his occupation, Chilchuck couldn't exactly dwell on romance mid-lock picking or battle.

But on quiet nights like this, it got to him.

"Well, you're lucky you're a good looking guy, otherwise you would be screwed," you said bluntly, taking off your boot to get some dirt out from the inside. He was honestly speechless, had you of all people thought that? Or were you just talking to make him feel better.

But this whole interaction makes him feel so weird, but it's not a... negative feeling.

"You are so damn ridiculous, you know that?"

"You can think whatever you want Chilchuck, but I think deep down you know I'm right," you said, your eyes still fixated on your boot cleaning process. Your statement made a blush spread across his cheeks.

"This dungeon is making me talk to you, I swear," he replied frustratedly, growing "tired" of your antics.

"Well good thing we had this talk, since we both have had things on our mind for a while, huh?"

Although you both opened up about how you've been feeling, Chilchuck was doing a majority of the talking on this subject. Was that what you mean? The beginning when you were talking about yourself and not his appearance and you finding him attractive?

Right?

And just as he was about to inquire further, the short man was quickly cut off by a certain loud blonde.

"Hey guys, we're back!" Laios said excitedly from afar, his voice echoing slightly on the dungeon walls, his hands were wet with wet giant snails whilst Senshi carried a large sack of god knows what on his back.

Marcille and Itsuzumi looked green in the face with disgust, but you knew they would most definitely eat the monster Escargot that you knew the dwarf would whip up. The sight always brought a smile to your face, especially their hypocrisy in finding everything Senshi and Laois made yummy.

As you sat up to go and help with dinner, you looked over your shoulder, "Thanks for the talk Chilchuck, we should do this more often."

This was might not curate the best outcome, but why didn't he want to stop?

Why the hell did he even care?

[darkeralmond]

can you do more rutger mcgroarty smut?? your last one was so good

THANK U SO MUCH!! ALSO THANKS FOR THE REQUEST!! I LOVE U

Not So Fake

Rutger Mcgroarty x fem! Reader

synopsis: you and rutger started fake dating to make your exes jealous. when rutger tries to “sell the part” it leads to more in his bedroom

warnings: 18+, smut, hickeys, rough kissing, fingering, unprotected sex, p in v, f! receiving, after care

word count: 2k

a/n: THANK U GUYS SO MUCH FOR 300 FOLLOWERS!! I LOVE RUTGER SO MUCH! i’m gonna miss him when he goes to the winnipeg nets tho 😞😞

masterlist | request info

It all started out with a deal to make both your exes jealous. You approached Rutger with the idea a while back at a Christmas party. “I’ll pay you $50 a month to be my fake boyfriend to make my ex-boyfriend jealous,” you confidded.

He cocked his head to the side with his eyebrows furrowed, “$50 for that? Dude, I’ll do that for free. I need to make my ex-girlfriend jealous too.” You were shocked with how open he was to the idea of fake dating you. You couldn’t deny that it caused your heart to skip a beat.

You had been fake-dating Rutger for a month or two now and your plan was working. Your ex started reaching out to you more and more, asking questions about how you met Rutger and why you even started dating him.

Even though it’s what you wanted, the idea of making him jealous slowly dissolved. You liked spending time with Rutger way more than you ever did with your ex, and it seemed like he started focusing on his ex-girlfriend less and less.

Now here you two were at a small hockey gathering with a couple of the other players and their partners. You, Rutger, and Gavin were squeezed together on a pretty small couch. It was obvious that the couch wasn’t meant to fit 3 people. On the other couch sat Ethan, his girlfriend, and another girl who you weren’t familiar with.

Everyone was talking while occasionally taking sips from their cups. You would nod your head and flash smiles, but you couldn’t even concentrate on the conversation they were having.

Due to the limited space on the couch, that meant your thigh and Rutger’s thigh were touching the entire time. The feeling of his warm skin against yours was super distracting.

What made it worse was that Ethan had to put the spotlight on you and Rutger, of course. “So, Rutger,” he said while grinning from ear to ear. “What’re you gonna do with Y/N when you have to go off to the Jets?”

Rutger glanced over at you and smiled. “We’ll do long distance. Then, she can come up and visit or I can go there.” He then looked back at his friends before adding, “Maybe she can move in with me when she’s done with college.” He placed his hand on your inner thigh.

Your cheeks instantly turned bright red at the contact, causing you to stare at him with a bug-eyed expression. He looked back at you then nodded his head to go along with whatever he was doing.

You then snapped back to the conversation and looked at Ethan. “Yeah! That’s pretty much the plan!” you nervously giggled before shooting a glare to Rutger. Luckily, he was the only one who saw the stink eye you gave him.

He just smirked in response and took a sip of his drink. He then went back to the conversation like it this normal, steering the topic away from your “relationship”.

Your mind went fuzzy as the tip of your ears flushed red. Your mind couldn’t comprehend what was happening right now. He didn’t have to put his hand on your thigh, however he was for some reason. And for some reason, it was seriously turning you on.

You slammed his bedroom door shut, turning to him with your finger pointed right at him. “What was that?!” you fumed.

He leaned against the wall next to the door and crossed his arms. “What’re you talking about?” he cooed. He wasn’t taking this seriously. It made your blood boil even more.

“Your hand. My thigh. What was that?!” You needed answers. Not just for why he did it, but for why you enjoyed it so much.

“I was just trying to sell it,” he answered, still leaning against the wall with a sly grin. You rolled your eyes which led him to chuckle. “Don’t act like you didn’t like it. I saw you blushing.”

You scoffed, “I was not blushing!”

“Admit it,” he said, pushing himself off the wall as he started approaching you. You took a couple steps back before your back hit the wall. You looked back and saw the white wall before looking back and seeing him right in front of you.

His face was only inches away from yours, his hand rested on the wall right above your shoulder. “You like me.” Your tongue twisted, not able to get a single word out.

Your face felt like it was on fire, your breaths hitching. “See?” he teased. “Let’s just get rid of this growing tension between us and finally do something about it.”

“Like what?” You managed to ask that question, but everything else was blank. You had a feeling of what he was going to say, but of course he said something way out of left field.

“Like fucking,” he said. “Right here, right now.” When there were people downstairs? It wasn’t like a full blown frat party, people were able to hear you two from his room.

Your expression was haunted as you stuttered, “What if someone hears us?” Which meant you weren’t opposed to the idea. The answer no didn’t even cross your mind.

You glanced over at the lock on his door, seeing that it was still unlocked. His hand loomed under your chin, directing your gaze back to him.

His eyes darted down to your lips before meeting your gaze again. “Then we’ll just have to be quiet,” he said in a low voice. “Can you do that, sweetheart?”

Your chest rose and fell with your rapid breaths, you nodded your head quickly. “I can,” you answered.

“Good,” he chuckled before leaning in, placing his lips on yours. Your eyes shut at the sudden contact while you wrapped your arms around his neck.

His lips were soft and his breath tasted like beer. He pulled his hand away from beneath your chin and placed them both on your waist, pulling you closer to him desperately.

Before you knew it, he was slipping his tongue into your mouth. You let him do so, your body pressed against him. Your head tilted to the side in order to give him easier access to your lips. A small moan escaped your lips and into his mouth while you two made out.

You pulled away from him, attempting to catch your breath. The atmosphere around you was full of sexual tension and lust. You never realized how much you craved his body up until this moment.

You unravel your arms and place your hand on his chest. You looked down at the nice button up he was wearing, now wanting it off of him. You began undoing the buttons to his shirt while he chuckled.

You finished unbuttoning his shirt and helped him slide it off before throwing it across the room. You pulled off your shirt and tossed it to the same side of the room, now revealing your bralette.

Rutger stared hungrily at you and ran his hands up your back to unclasp your bra. You slipped it off, now completely exposing yourself to him. A smile grew on his face as he brought his hands to your breasts, cupping them.

You let out a gasp as you felt his cold fingers against your warm body. Your moans became louder while he kneaded them with his palms. He pulled one hand away and brought a finger up to his lips, signaling you to be quieter.

He gently kissed your jawline and traveled down to your collarbone while simultaneously massaging your breast. The sensations he gave you started spreading throughout your body. You were melting under his kisses and touch. All you could think was that this felt amazing.

You nibbled on your bottom lip, attempting to hold back any loud moans that were desperate to escape. He pulled his hands away from your body, bringing one of them down to your lower body.

His hand slivered down the hem of your skirt and into your panties. You gasped at the feeling, his mouth still marking your neck with hickeys.

His fingers moved down to your clit, playing with it by circling your sensitive bead. A quiet moan escaped your lips, your head hitting the wall behind you. It felt absolutely incredible that his hand was teasing you.

“Hmmm. Are you wet for me?” He sounded amused. “Such a needy girl.” His fingertips kept torturing your clit, sending waves of pleasure through your body.

Your teeth sunk deeper into your bottom lip as you tried to ignore the tingling sensation that erupted through your body. He’s teasing, you thought.

You knew this wasn’t enough to make you cum and so did he, because after a few seconds, he stopped messing with your clit and stuck two fingers inside your wet cunt. His fingers curled inside you, feeling the warm wetness around his fingers.

You grabbed onto his hips in order to keep yourself sturdy against the wall. “Rutger,” you whimpered, your nails clawing into his skin. “Just like that!” This was too much stimulation for you but you still wanted more.

He pulled away and pulled his fingers out of you causing you to whine. You were right at your peak and of course he had to torture you more. You pouted your bottom lip, “Why did you stop?”

“I don’t want you to cum yet,” he simply stated. “Now take off your skirt and panties and lay down on the bed, pretty girl.” He took off his shorts, revealing the erection that strained against the fabric of his boxers.

“Please, baby?” His tone was husky, almost begging. You kicked off your shoes before taking off your skirt and panties before laying down on the bed.

He pulled down his boxers and locked the door before making his way over to you. He grabbed your hips and pulled you closer to him. He already knew that you were on the pill since you were telling him stories about you and your ex beforehand.

With that, he aligned himself with your dripping wet entrance before slowly entering you. Your back arched as his length pushed through your tight walls.

He slowly rocked his hips back and forth, thrusting into you. You moaned out, “Fuck me. Make me come!” With a nod, he held onto your hips and he thrusted into you harder. You let out a small cry at how good it felt. “Holy, fuck! Rutger!”

“Shhh,” he shushed before letting his thrusts become faster. The struggle you had to stay quiet only fueled his ego and arousal even more.

Goosebumps broke out onto your arms as your mind became clouded. “Rutger, I’m gonna cum!” you cried.

He let out a groan and pulled your hips up slightly, making it easier for him. “You fucking better, Y/N. Do it for me, baby.”

Your orgasm crashed upon you and you threw your head back as your release poured out of your body. Your back arched as you did this, your eyes squeezing shut. Finally, your tense muscles loosened as you fell back onto the breath while breathing heavily.

“Such a good girl,” he mumbled as he pumped into you one last time. He then pulled out of you, his dick completely covered in a mixture of both your and his cum.

He took a couple deep breaths, running his fingers through his hair. “Holy, shit.” He went over to his dresser and grabbed a pair of tissues, wiping the juices off his dick. “You need some?” He handed the tissues to you while he crawled on the bed next to you.

“Yes please,” you answered before you wiped your wet cunt. “That was...” You couldn’t even describe how amazing it felt.

Rutger smiled and got under the blanket with you. “That was perfect,” he said. You threw away the tissues in the trash can near his bed, then got under the covers.

He pulled you close to his body and spooned you. You giggled as he placed a lazy kiss on the side of your neck.

You giggled at the feeling of his wet kiss. “I guess really we’re together now, huh?” you mumbled in a low voice.

He chuckled, “I guess so.” He buried his face in the crook of your neck once again, leaving you smiling happily.

[theflyindutchwoman]

Can you better explain how Isabel factored into Tim and Lucy's fight? I've rewatched the scene multiple times trying to understand, but I'm just not making the connection, and I know I'm missing something. I thought the fight was about Lucy making detective, but then she brought up Tim's trauma with Isabel, and I'm just not seeing how they connect.

I can certainly try - whether I'll succeed, however, is another matter… Make yourself comfortable, it's going to be a long post. As always, this is merely my interpretation.

The fight was initially about Lucy making detective and escalated from there. That's because the issue goes beyond just this test : all of this is intrinsically connected to the whole undercover work storyline. This is the reason why she is taking this exam in the first place : so she can become a UC. And that is the crux of the matter. This is the topic they have yet to fully discuss : how Tim truly feels about her becoming a full UC officer considering his past traumatic experience. It has been bubbling for the last five episodes… And this time, it blew over.

In my opinion, you can see the progression of their argument in these 3 key scenes.

/ 1st - First scene in the shop (Lucy's spiraling) Here, Lucy is entirely focused on the detective exam. This is about the pressure she is feeling. Taking an exam is already stressful enough, but add the fact that one of the higher-ups is gunning for her, and her anxiety is understandable. I believe that up to this point, she has been trying not to let it get to her. We saw a bit of her distress when she found out about Primm potentially blocking her in 5.19, but that was it. Now that the date is approaching though, the cracks are starting to show. As someone else mentioned, she asked for TO/Sergeant Bradford to help her when really, she wanted (and needed) Boyfriend Tim. You can already see how she is second-guessing herself when she says she should have asked Nyla or Angela for help. And after that, well… She starts spiraling. Part of the reason why she cracks here is that she feels safe : she's in the shop, riding with Tim. This is an environment she is familiar with. So she starts unloading. Only, once she starts, she can't stop. She overthinks everything in a way we haven't seen her do before, not even when she was still a rookie. And Tim in that moment is completely caught off-guard, not knowing what to do. And to be frank, I don't think he realises how bad it is yet. Now, speaking from experience, I'm not entirely sure there was anything he could have said that would have made a difference. I've been on both sides of the equation and you usually feel powerless. What could have possibly helped was doing some breathing exercises with her, making her focus on the here and now, or simply taking a small walk… Like in that scene with Barnes and the ladybug in 3.11. Anything really to take her mind off that exam. But I'm afraid that would have only been helpful in the short term since the issue at heart goes far deeper than the exam.

/ 2nd - The fight in the shop (stake out) This is where the conversation starts to (slowly) shift away from the exam itself. At this point, Lucy is on a downward spiral and is second-guessing everything, including taking the exam. It's clear by the tears in her eyes that she is barely holding it together. Tim's immediate reaction is to protest and reassure her that she is ready. And when she argues that it would be better for her to wait, he tries to reassure her again that there's nothing wrong that. He even makes sure to emphasise that she can still do some undercover assignments while in patrol. Because he knows this is why she wants to become a detective. There is no malice in his words. He is genuinely trying to be supportive and help her deescalate. He trusts her to know what's best for her and if she says it is to wait, then he will support her. Just like he trusted her when she wanted to stay undercover after finding out Rosalind had escaped. Unfortunately, Lucy understands something entirely different. What she hears is that he doesn't believe she can pass the exam. Otherwise he would have insisted. And from there, she spirals even more. Her mind is projecting and creating a whole new scenario. Remember when I said she is second-guessing everything? Well, now it includes Tim. When you spiral, your mind tends to jump to the worst case-scenario. And before they can clarify this, the suspect shows up.

/ 3rd - The final scene And this is when it all comes crashing down. Tim is still trying to figure out what happened while Lucy's mind is already somewhere else. He's playing catch up here. When you think about it, it's not that different from the 'unless it is' scene : when they met outside the station back then, Tim was trying to understand why she didn't want to break up with Chris while Lucy was one step ahead of him and blurted her confession out. When they meet here in the parking garage (a few steps away from where they were in 5.08 by the way), she looks completely defeated. She solved the case but it doesn't feel like a victory. Now, her doubts go far beyond Primm and the exam. Doubts poison everything. And make you question everything. And in that moment, the thing she is questioning is why Tim doesn't believe she can pass the exam.

So why does she jump to Tim's trauma with Isabel? Because, in her mind, that's the reason why he is scared of her becoming a detective. If she passes the exam, she will be an undercover cop. Her words are : "Did you undermine me today because you're scared that I'm gonna make detective?". "Scared" being the operative word here. Like I said earlier, this is where I think the context helps. Ever since she told him about taking the detective exam in 5.19, she has tried on numerous occasion to broach the topic of undercover - to no avail. He has either deflected or walked away. Like in that couch scene at the end of 5.20 : "I'm worried that you won't [be able to handle me going deep undercover] - I'll be fine". Or that scene in the laundry room : "Look, it's not my first time - I know. It's probably what makes it worse - All right, now's not the time to talk about this". Before it finally blew over a little at the end : "If this is gonna work between us, I need to know that you can see the difference - Of course I can". And there's something to be said in the mirroring in the language here : "if this is gonna work between us" in 5.21 / "this isn't gonna work if you're gonna lie to me" in 6.01.

She knows about his trauma and like he said, he has acknowledged it with her since day one. But that was then. That was before they became a couple. Since their relationship changed, with the exception of that final scene in 5.21, he has yet to open up on how he truly feels about her doing undercover work. And because she knows him and his past, she can sense that he's hiding something. She can sense he is scared. He all but admitted it in 5.21 after all. But that conversation just scratched the surface.

The other reason she brings up his past and trauma is because the one time they did talk about this was when he jumped to the conclusion that she was hiding things while undercover, the way Isabel did. But they didn't go deeper, they were too raw back then. Still, this part of the conversation probably stuck with her. She has internalised everything for so long, has bottled up all those feelings, those things left unsaid until she couldn't contain them anymore. And she blurted everything out at the worst time. That's the issue when you don't talk about things : your intentions can get misconstrued. And watching your partner walk away from the difficult conversation, before you can actually talk things through, takes its toll on you. It creates a doubt. Now add all that spiraling, all that second-guessing she has done all day long and you got a recipe for disaster. She arrives at this crashing point where she second-guesses him. Because she is afraid too. She is afraid that the other shoe is about to drop.

Now from Tim's perspective, I believe he is sincere in his support. And I don't think that in this episode, his past even crossed his mind. He genuinely wants her to succeed, to have the career that she wants and deserves. When he says that she's different, that they're going to figure out, he means it. When he said they were worth the risk, he meant it. He already knew she was going to do undercover work. But he's also scared. The most obvious time was in 5.20 where they were sitting on the couch. The fear was written all over his face. That said, I get where he's coming from too : after his reaction in 3.06, I can understand why he is more guarded. That he doesn't want his fears to influence her in any way. "You don't let anyone ever tell you you can't do something. Not even me." I can imagine that he is afraid that should he be entirely honest, it would put Lucy in a situation where she feels that she has to choose between him and UC. And that's the last thing he wants. He doesn't want to be the one to hold her back in any form. Like he said in 5.02. He wants the best for her so he will be supportive, no matter what her decision is.

And here's the irony for you : he wants to be so supportive that he doesn't see that what she needs even more is honesty from him and that without that honesty, it is creating a doubt in her mind. It's a loop they are stuck in. At least, for now. All it takes to break that loop is to talk.

I hope this helped shed some light on the connection and answered your question :)

[hwaightme]

Yeosang who would rather stay alone in his hotel room to call you and hear your voice as he tries to sleep while the boys go live because he is homesick and only your voice can calm him and make him feel close to home 🥲💔

respectfully my heart is genuinely hurting because this reminded me of how yeo slept until quite late on a number of occasions... so imagine this is because he would call late into the night :(( to talk about nothing and everything... your voice being his clarity and his soothing, healing balm. a salvation in the midst of busy schedules and a chaotic day-to-day. you are the calm in the middle of the storm, a safe place.

songs:

everything everywhere always - elijah woods

when i c u - pomme

missing you today - public

we love yeo oh he is so sweet... thank you lovely <3 more thoughts below (506 wc.):

he knows that he is supposed to go live today. he knows that, at the end of the day, this is also his job, and he has to do it regardless of how he is feeling. but as the time ticks on and he feels nowhere closer to home, his mind is almost always elsewhere, and it has gotten to the point where he drifts off in conversation, is entirely absent while sat in the styling chair, and even the astonishingly bright skies appear dull.

thankfully, it does not take much convincing to get himself a late night free. misty-eyed and yearning for his home, yeosang simply has to smile and whisper "i'm tired," to voice the million thoughts spinning around in his head, and have a couple of his fellow members to take over, and an all-group live can be postponed until tomorrow. he feels like he has grown wings. soaring to his hotel room, he speeds through his routines and flops onto the bed to grab at his phone that has been charging on the nightstand.

as soon as he unlocks his phone, yeosang is met with a picture of you - a new one you must have sent a couple of hours ago while he was being interviewed. it was your suggestion to download the little widget that allows you both to send each other messages and photos that complete the homescreen with another piece of home. it was a suggestion that yeosang thanks the universe for.

one message. your response. another. your sweet words. a blissful grin settles on his beautiful features. his hand moves instinctively to the call button, and soon enough, there you are, home. who knew 'hello' could be so magical, and pixels on a screen so dear and so infinitely reassuring and full of love? yeosang waves to you, a little shy due to his sheer delight that he can finally spend some time with you, even though you are miles apart.

you sing praises, applaud him for his phenomenal achievements, cheerfully go over all the kindness you have seen and how much pride you feel, while yeosang melts into the pillows thinking that now, all of this is worth it. with you. he asks about what you have been up to, humming, nodding away as you transition from one topic to the next. when you least expect it, he asks one question, another, or amuses you with hilarious associations, be it to a trend or a song, or an inside joke.

he is happy with where he is, with what he has overcome and where he got you, but he is all the more happy that he can share this with you, and that no matter what, his heart is always home, in your loving arms. he imagines your embrace as he drifts off to you humming one of his favourite ballads. at least for a little bit, the time until he would be a metre, instead of a call, away from you, feels much shorter than before.

[roosteraloha]

ghosted

a hireath universe story

Bradley Bradshaw x Reader

wc - approx 2.5k

warnings - a lot of angst, description of a panic attack

disclaimer - ANY BLANK/AGELESS BLOGS WILL BE BLOCKED!! I also DO NOT give permission for any of my works to be copied, shared, compiled, translated or posted onto other sites!!

comments & reblogs are greatly appreciated!!

You glanced at your phone again. Pointless. The notification centre was still empty from the message you were expecting. There were a few texts from the dagger squad, namely Natasha’s ‘you’ve got this!!’, which was followed up with ‘I know you did good, can’t wait to hear all about it later :)’, Bob’s very simple but appreciated ‘good luck, do it just like we practised :)’ and Javy’s typical teasing that typically would’ve make you smile, but there was one name missing. The one you desperately craved, yet nothing.

This presentation was a big part of your final grade for one of your classes. Put simply, you had to present your research to the entire course at the end of the semester - which was a lot of people - to make it a bit more engaging, students were to invite a friend or family member to help show off their research results.

When this was first assigned, Bradley was an excellent helper, encouraging you to pick the topic you wanted to but was intimidated by, even volunteering himself to help with the presentation. You heart was bursting that he’d even want to help out with his hectic schedule, too afraid to even ask him about it, your plan was to ask Javy or Natasha for help, to completely avoid this very situation.

Unsurprisingly, you return to an empty house, no bronco in the driveway, and still no communication from Bradley. Stripping out of your formal clothes, you drag yourself to the bedroom, pulling on one of Bradley’s sweaters.

Deciding to just wait it out, not seeing the point of trying to reach Bradley only to be ghosted again, you make yourself a warm drink in your favourite mug that you bought when you first moved in, curling up on the couch, nestling under on the blankets scattered around in a feeble attempt to shut out the huff until Bradley got home.

Whenever that would be.

The rumble of the bronco in the driveway was the first sign that he was home, followed by his keys in the door, and the whistling of the same cheerful tune he always did, the one you could never exactly place. Exhaling shakily, you find your voice as he lovingly presses a kiss to the small section of your head that was visible from under your blanket, like he always did, like nothing was wrong.

“Where were you?” You were met with complete silence from your boyfriend. “I was at work, you know that. Why? What’s up?” He’s confused, brows furrowed, having completely forgotten about his promise to you. He couldn’t even text you to let you know that he wasn’t going to make it, the bare minimum that you both had put down as ground rules at the beginning of your friendship, never mind your relationship.

And that hurt.

“I never ask anything of you, and the one time I needed you to do one thing for me? You couldn’t! you didn’t even bother to let me know you wouldn’t make it! Do you know how that made me feel?! To be there all alone when I promised you’d be there! You humiliated me Bradley!!”

“I had to work!! But then again, you wouldn’t know what that’s like, would you?! I was busy, okay?! Just get off my back about this!!”

You immediately quieten and shrink back, more than Bradley had ever known you to do. It was clear he’d fucked up. He didn’t mean it. Deep down, you knew he didn’t mean it - he was just stressed and overworked. But that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt.

You eyes well with unshed tears, the deep ache in your chest was the worse than you could’ve ever imagined. This is why you were so cautious getting into a relationship. You never wanted to be pushed away in someone’s lists priorities, having promises broken along with your heart.

For years, you had been the single friend, and as the years went by, you had picked your friends back up after being completely heartbroken and depressed after a rough breakup countless times and you swore to yourself that you would never allow yourself to be in that position. That was until Bradley came along and turned your life upside down.

Bradley took a cautious step towards you, his hands out low, as if approaching a skittish wild animal that would spook if he moved too quickly. He was right. You darted straight past him, towards the door, tugging his sweater over your head and tossing it at his feet.

Once outside you just ran. You weren’t the most athletic person, certainly not compared to Bradley, but he was frozen in place, watching his world fall apart as you sprint out of the door, out of his life.

The slight chill in the air was unusual for springtime in San Diego, the sun had long since began to set, slowly taking its heat away, leaving it cold, just like how you felt.

You’d ran until you found a quiet cove on the beach, not too far from the Hard Deck - an intentional move due to the fact that in your haste to leave, you’d left your phone, at least if you needed to, you could get to Penny at least.

Back at your home, Bradley was in a panic. It’d been hours since you left - since he’d let you leave. He shot a quick text to the dagger squad groupchat, quickly being reminded of the previous talk of how to celebrate the end of your semester. It hit him now just how badly he’d fucked up. He knew how much time and effort you’d put into your degree and especially this presentation that he himself had volunteered to help present.

No one could figure out where you’d gotten to, by this point you could be anywhere, and that terrified Bradley. Natasha was quick to tear into Bradley for messing up so badly, the rest of the squad staying quiet for she worded everything perfectly.

He messed up.

Badly.

After watching the sunset with angry, hot tears streaming down your cheeks, and hearing the last few stragglers leave the Hard Deck, you slowly stand, brushing the cold sand off your legs. You pushed the back door open slowly, quietly moving to sit down in your usual corner, waiting for Penny to notice your presence.

It took a while before she felt your eyes on her, she startled, immediately rushing to your side, her motherly instincts kicking in. “Where the hell have you been?! Are you hurt? Bradley’s worried sick, the whole squad has been looking for you!” You shrugged noncommittally, you couldn’t find it in you to care. Bradley didn’t.

Placing a glass of water before you, Penny pulled out her phone, “I’m going to call Bradley, okay? Just to let him know you’re okay, he’s going to want to come and pick you up.” Immediately, you shook your head, “NO- I uh- Call Jake.” You didn’t know why you asked for Jake instead of Natasha - it just felt right. Nodding at Penny's frown, you insist, “Penny please, just call Jake.”

Jake arrived too soon after the phone call to have obeyed any traffic laws. The worry was deeply etched into his expression as he rushed to your side, hands immediately reaching out to pull you into a brief hug, before checking you over for any injuries.

Blinking away tears, your blurry eyes focus on his green ones. Jake easily saw through your meagre attempt at suppressing your overwhelming panic. You craved Bradley’s comfort, but he wanted you off his back, panic building as your thoughts raced on repeat.

He didn’t want you.

He wanted you off his back.

Did he not love you like you loved him?

Where did it all go so wrong?

Bradley didn’t want you.

Bradley didn’t want you.

The loud buzzing in your ears faded, slowly registering Jake’s soothing tone. “Just keep breathing. In and out. Yeah, just like that. You’re doing great. You’ve got this.”

The next thing you know, Jake was replaced by Bradley, pulling you tightly to his chest. You inhaled sharply, gasping to catch your breath.

Rough, warm hands cradle your face, encouraging you to maintain eye contact. Bradley’s eyes were glistening with tears, red-rimmed, a tell-tale sign that he too was suffering. “Don’t ever scare me like that again.” His voice was hoarse, breaking with emotion, “You scared the shit out of me. Don’t you ever leave like that again, you hear me?”

Repeating his demand, ensuring you heard him, you shakily reach out and grab a hold of the back of his sweater, not wanting any physical or emotional distance between you. Looking over his shoulder, you realised that Jake was now joined by the rest of the dagger squad, and to your surprise, even Maverick, all of whom wore a slight variation of worry and relief, watching you and Bradley from the bar, giving you some space.

"What I said was stupid. I was being so stupid and unfair to you. And I'm truly sorry for that." One of his hands gently runs through your hair, pulling your head gently away from his neck, “I am so so sorry. I cannot apologise enough. But please, never ever leave like that when I have no way of contacting you, no way of knowing if you’re hurt. Okay?”

You nod slowly, eyes searching his to see he truly was regretting his words and the way he treated you. “I won’t. I hope this never happens again, but I’ll bring my phone and a charger next time, okay?” He immediately nods, the tension visibly easing in his shoulders, soothing his hands across your cheeks, keeping physical contact with you at all times.

Shifting slightly, you glance up over his shoulder, meeting the concerned gaze of your friends, shyly giving them a soft, apologetic smile. You never meant to worry any of them, you just needed space. Standing shakily, you walk over to them, with Bradley’s arm wrapped tightly around your waist, not allowing you to stray more than a step from his side.

It felt secure, it felt safe.

The squad brought you into a large group hug, thankful that you were okay. Bradley pulled Jake to one side, expressing his gratitude for him dropping everything to get to you when Penny called, and letting him know straight away that he knew you were safe. For all teasing and tension between them in the skies and careers, Bradley was truly grateful to have someone as loyal as Jake in his life - not that he would ever let Jake know that though.

By the time you’d got home, you couldn’t stop shivering, something Bradley had immediately picked up on, softly leading you upstairs and into the bathroom. He lifted you so you were sat on the counter, as busied himself gathering a fresh sweater of his, along with his pair of sweatpants that you’d taken after your first night together. He began running a bath, reaching under the counter to find the bubble bath he knew you loved but was too expensive for you to use regularly, along with your shampoo, conditioner and body wash.

You knew where this was going. This is what you loved about Bradley. His attention to minute details about you.

He slowly helped you into the bath, after helping you undress carefully, kneeling outside the bath to allow you to stretch out fully. After letting you adjust to the temperature of the water, he softly began to wash your hair, having watched you do it countless times, he followed each step with precision, not letting a single bubble reach your face. Then, he’s pinning it up with a claw clip while he washed your body delicately, such small acts of affection that had your heart growing at how closely he’d paid attention to your routines.

He let you soak away your stress for a while, until the water started to cool slightly. Then, he was guiding you to stand, drying you off and started to apply your body lotion. He pulled his clothes he picked out carefully onto you, before sliding on a new pair of fluffy socks, which you knew he secretly loved so he didn’t feel your cold feet in bed.

Next, he was combing your hair gently with his fingers, following each detailed step in your hair care routine, blow drying your hair fully. Bradley had listened to your grumblings every single hair wash day since you’d moved in together to know that after such an emotionally exhausting day, drying your hair yourself would be the last thing you wanted to do.

Now tears of love and admiration were welling in your eyes, not understanding how you had got so lucky to have a man like Bradley in your life, someone who paid so much attention to each little aspect of your life. You grabbed his arm gently as he was lining up all your skincare products on the counter, bringing his attention back to you. His brow furrows deeply at your glossy eyes, he goes to speak but you cut him off with a kiss, one that you hoped expressed how much you loved and appreciated him. Pulling away, you kissed him again gently and smiled softly, letting him get back starting your skincare routine.

Cuddled up in your bed next Bradley was the perfect ending to such a stressful day. He lovingly carried you to the bed, tucked you under the covers, even allowing you to have an extra blanket than he normally did, just to bring an extra smile to your face. Resting your head against his shoulder, you pressed a soft kiss to his cheek, to which he returned with a gentle kiss to your forehead, his hand wrapped around your shoulder and his hand cradling the back of your head.

“I’m sorry I missed the presentation. So tell me all about it. And I mean everything.” You laughed softly at Bradley’s love of college student drama, snuggling impossibly closer to him, and starting to recall your day, pausing for his commentary about each presentation and drama starting student, soon pushing your miscommunication fight to the back of your mind.

You truly loved Bradley.

no pressure tags

(either you reblogged hiraeth or interacted with my other post - if you don’t want to be tagged pls send me a message and I’ll remove you)

[ashecampos]

The ‘heart breaker’ and the ‘self centred’

Janis ‘Imi’ike x reader

Warnings : corse language, mention of past breakups. Enemies to lovers??maybe

(I’m so sorry if this is bad, I am currently high on pain and cold meds to try and get over this flu I have <3 also pls ignore how it switches from 1st to 3rd person so much)

You had heard the rumors about the infamous north shore high, everyone had. Little did you know, you would soon be apart of one of these rumors.

Moving schools was not on your list for the things you expected from the year. You had officially been expelled from your last school due to an incident that was not at all your fault. Now all you had to do was survive senior year at a new school where you only knew two people, one being your best friend, the other being a person you hated with your entire being. Janis ‘Imi’ike.

You and Janis go way back. Like as in third grade. You hated her and she hated you, end of story. Or was it?

It was now Sunday night, you and your best friend Tessa are on FaceTime and she is getting you up to speed with the north shore gossip.

“Soo Regina and the plastics aren’t bitches anymore, everyone is friends like in middle school and there isn’t much drama. Got it?” She says finishing her rant. A pen and paper in her hand with a map of all the drama you had missed on it.

“Mh everyone is queer, no drama, Janis still hates me, Regina isn’t a mega bitch, you and Aaron are fucking and me now starting fresh at your school totally isn’t going to cause any drama at all. Gotcha” I say while grabbing more paint from a shelf at the store. She nods silently then going on another rant about how Aaron and Shane are going to make a group chat with everyone im going to meet tomorrow in it, I nod while walking around. Until I bump into someone, their notepad nearly dropping to the floor but i managed to catch it somehow. Apologising profusely i look the person in the eye and my heart stops, blood running cold. Not even a foot away stands Janis ‘Imi’ike in all her glory. I stand there for a few seconds, the notepad held out for her to take but it seems that she is having the same reaction to this awfully awkward situation. She takes a second to scoff before grabbing the notepad and walking past, our shoulders brushing past each other “since when did you move back to Evanston?”she mutters before vanishing to the next isle. What the fuck.? Of all people you could’ve ran into it had to be her didn’t it? You thought “you did not just literally bump into she who shan’t be named” Tessa interrupts your thoughts to only add onto the embarrassment your feeling. “Shut the fuck up tess” i say as the girl on the other end of the call is in the middle of a laughing fit. I speed walk to the cash register and pay for my supplies before practically sprinting home. Anything to get away from Janis before I have to put up with her for the rest of the school year.

The night went quicker than I’d like to admit, I painted a little, lost track of time and ended up dozing off with my head on my desk. The next day came and I now stand in my closet, Tessa stood with me looking for the appropriate outfit that doesn’t scream ‘I got suspended from my last school and I don’t want to be at this school’. “Hm how about this” she picks up a pink shirt earning a disgusted look from me. She groans putting the T-shirt back and sitting on my bed and shrugging “just wear a band tee or something” she says. “Just wear a band tee or something” I mock while grabbing some baggy jeans from my closet, I scan my shirts before smirking and grabbing a button up shirt and a vest. “Gay” Tessa shouts at me, laughing and pointing at my doc martens “wear those” she says with a smirk.

The thing is me and Tessa are polar opposites, shes the most girly girl you will ever meet. Whereas I look like I just stepped out of a hot topic store. She was apart of the plastics before project ‘destroy queen bee’ was put into motion. She had stated many times how much she despised what Cady done to Regina. And even though I wasn’t apart of the school or had no reason to know the drama or what went down, oh she kept me updated. I even went to see Regina after she was hit by the bus. Which got me an one way ticket to Regina’s good side. You see being friends with Tessa can be a struggle seeming that she is the popular it girl, or the girl next door per say, however o wouldn’t have it any other way.

“Oi y/n/n Shane is making the group chat now, then we are going to meet up with everyone at the front of the school”

Moments after she said that my phone vibrates, I look at it while changing into my jeans.

*Shane Oman added you into ‘norths-whores hottest’ groupchat* I laugh a little at the name, so does Tessa as she starts typing away.

(NORTH-WHORES HOTTEST)

Tessi 🪽: “hey bitches!! ready to meet north shores newest hottie?”

(8am)

Reginald 💁‍♀️ : “as long as it doesn’t cause me to get hit with a bus this time”

Kay-dee ✨ : “I told you I was sorry for that reg”

Karen 💁🏽‍♀️ : “wait we have a new kid?”

Gretch 🪬: “yeah Tessa’s mysterious best friend is transferring because they got suspended from their last school”

Y/n/n 🌺: “should I be concerned how much you already know about me? Also hey guys”

Shane💪🏽: “don’t worry it’s her thing”

Reginald 💁‍♀️ : “well then congratulations and welcomes are in order, speaking of orders what coffees does everyone want im making a pitstop at Starbucks”

Gretch💁🏽‍♀️ : “ooo I’ll have a Strawberry Acai Refresher and Karen will have a hot coco, thanks babe”

Shane💪🏽 : “caramel latte thx Reggie”

Tessi🪽: “hot coco for me too babe”

“Oh and y/n/n said they will have a iced chai with oat milk and brown sugar syrup and they said thankyou”

*Reginald 💁‍♀️liked tessi’s🪽message*

You where now driving both you and Tessa to the school, your palms where beyond sweaty and you felt the lump in your throat grow worse the closer you got to the school. Tessa was sat in the passenger seat belting out show tunes, as you guys did every day in the car. It was settling your nerves a little as you clutched the steering wheel, keeping your eyes on the road.

You pull up to the school with Tessa’s help as she directs you to where the parking lot is then directs you where to park. You see Regina’s pink jeep and Shane’s black Tesla parked next to each other so you park next to Shane upon Tessa’s request. The two of you get out of the car, simultaneously grabbing your bags and linking arms, you softly nudge her and put your sunglasses on, sniggering slightly “hey, we’re gonna rule the school” you say quoting grease like you do every year “hm yeah and how’s that went the past ten years you’ve said that?” She nudges you back cocking one of her brows “okay rude, but in my defence we haven’t been in the same school the past four years” you point at her “well let’s make this one count” she says before waving at a group who you recognise to be the infamous plastics and shane.

“Soo you must be y/n, god Tessa wasn’t lying your banging” Shane comes over, his hand outstretched for you to take, you press you hand against his and hug him, eventually letting go of the hug, he hands you your drink while another set of arms wrap around your torso making you laugh “hey Karen, I missed you too” you laugh hugging her with one arm while you hold your cup in the other. She looks up adorable as ever and smiles widely, seconds later her face drops “OH MY GOD YOU GOT A MULLET” she screams, pulling away, almost knocking your drink out of your hand, you laugh even harder as she runs her fingers through your hair, admiring the shaven sides of your head. “You like?” You say, she nods before unhanding you, she turns to another girl who you assume to be Karen’s girlfriend, Gretchen, the girl is pretty, clad in an academic fitting outfit, a plaid beige skirt and a white turtleneck, she was one of the prettiest girls here, she smiles at you, giving you a simple nod. You walk over and hug her, you then turn to Regina who practically tackles you in a hug. “Who’d you fight to get expelled this time?” She whispers into your ear making you smirk “legally I can’t say but don’t worry they got what they deserved” you say as you hug her back. She slaps your shoulder and gives you a stern look “no more fighting or I will make your life a living hell” she smirks back at you.

After a brief catchup you head to the principals office to grab your paper work and schedule which was only a quick pitstop due to the fact that you had been there yesterday to hand all your paperwork over to secure your place at the school. Once you got your schedule you went straight to home room which was your first class of the day, looking down at your schedule, you walk straight into the back of someone. “Dude watch where your- oh you have got to be fucking with me now” the person says just as you open your mouth to apologise.

There in front of you stands an angered Janis ‘Imi’ike, her face drops seeing you for a second time this week. She rolls her eyes “are you following me or some shit?” She says, earning an eye roll from you “oh ku'uipo, don’t flatter yourself, my world doesn’t revolve around you” you say while walking around the girl and into your home room class, she stays stood in the doorway for another moment seeming to be frozen in place before she snaps out of whatever trance you had managed to put her in and she then walks inside the room, taking the last available seat, the one in front of you. Just before she sits herself down you manage to catch a glimpse of her face, red with a bit of a flustered expression. You grin a little acknowledging the fact you still had that affect on her after so many years.

Home room drags, the teacher is sweet though, she introduces you to everyone and proudly embarrasses you by telling the class you won the state art competition last fall which in turn earns a look from Janis who’s eyes have never left you since the teacher pulled you to the front of the class. As soon as the bell chimes your out of there having endured enough embarrassment for one person to handle. You make it your mission to get out before Janis can. I then go looking for my next class. Chemistry. You walk in expecting to be in a class full of randos but to your surprise and dismay you walk into the class to find the class full of your newfound friend group and Janis. Of course. The teacher strides in pointing at the whiteboard where a seating chart is etched into. You look for your name as the rest of your group goes and sits down, you smirk a little when you see that you are all on one table. Not bothering to look who else is on the table you go sit without hesitation. “So how was everyone’s first class?” You start, everyone groans seeming to already be put off only an hour into the week. “Oh I have some gossip for ya..oh hey Janis” Gretchen says which makes your face drop. You whip your head around praying it’s not the Janis you think it is, yet there she stands. All colour drains from your face, you look at Tessa for help but she is too busy trying not to die of laughter. Regina seems to have a similar reaction to yours with the girl being at the same table. And yet again much to your dismay the girl sits next to you, slamming her book down and looking at the front of the class toward the teacher. “Hello students, my name is Mr Jenkin and im your chemistry teacher. So seeming that we are in chemistry I like to have all the students on the same tables to have a lot of chemistry. Today’s class revolves around getting to know your groups. So one person from each table grab a deck and we shall play charades” the teacher says as he throws like seven decks of small card on his desk with a smile. Oh now this one is cute, he seems a little too nice for his own good, especially in this school.

Regina takes it upon herself to go grab the cards, taking the rubber band off of them and flicking it at Tessa who flips her off with a laugh. “I guess I’ll start then” she says reading the first card. She snickers a little before looking around the table and pointing at Aaron. “Boy?” He says straight away, Regina then shakes her head but stops and waves her hand around to say that he was right but she needs another word. She then points at her head earning a few weird looks from the table, it took me a few seconds to click on but I quickly realised what she was getting at “boy genius” I mutter quietly not being too sure on if I was right but she smiles and nods, holding her arm out to make me stand up as she hands me the cards. “Who’s boy genius?” Karen says with a big smile “an amazing band” both me and Janis say in sync earning a look from everyone in the group, I look at Janis before looking down at the card that says ‘love’ I roll my eyes and groan a little, I put my hand over my heart looking around the group to see if anyone will click on “heart?” Tessa says first, I shake my head and another idea pops into my head, I make a heart with my hands while looking around again. “Heartbreaker?” Janis mutters, earning looks from the group again, I sigh and shake my head before Tessa swoops in and says “love” which o nod to. She grins and gets up, allowing me to sit back down. A few more rounds go by and it is now Janis’ turn. She stands up brushing by me and picks the cards off of the table, she looks down for a few seconds before she points at herself making me snigger again. “Self centered?” I say proudly earning a slap from Tessa who scolds me silently. Janis snaps back “don’t make me tell your new little friends who you really are because believe me I will” she stares into my soul, my fists clenching under the table, I take a deep breath before shaking my head and grabbing my bag and leaving, hearing the group calling after me and Tessa saying “seriously Janis is there any need? She didn’t mean what happened” the teacher then calls after me before asking what everyone on the table what the hell happened. Tessa thankfully made and excuse as Janis also left the classroom.

I end up in the bathroom, slamming my fist against the wall of one of the stalls. Before wincing in pain instantly. I throw my bag and slide down the wall so I am sat down with my knees to my chest. The door to the bathroom then opens and in walks Janis. She sees me and walks over crouching down so she in face to face with me. She hesitates for a few seconds before placing her finger under my chin and making me look up at her. “Hey breathe for me yeah?” She says in a calm, knowing tone. My breath hitches a little before it picks itself up again, I struggle to breathe earning a concerned look. She tries talking to me again but it falls on death ears. I look around the bathroom frantically trying to find something to help myself, then out of the blue I feel a pair of lips on my own. Her lips. The lips that had been tormenting my dreams for the past five years. She pulls away after a few moments which felt like a lifetime. She looks at me before assuringly repeating what she said before “im sorry for what I said. I know it wasn’t your fault, im just still not over it..over us” she looks down before going to stand up, I quickly use my uninjured hand to pull her back into me, we share another kiss until the bathroom door swings open. Revealing the whole friend group.

[slytherinshua]

IN AN INSTANT

genre. fluff. warnings. none. pairing. daehwi x reader. wc. 722. request. no. a/n. it's 1:27 am (puku puku pow pow) but anyway i wrote this rly randomly and i didn't know who to make the fic abt for a while but i thought daehwi kinda fit :( so first ab6ix fic 🥹

“You know…” You rolled over onto your back, staring up at the dark ceiling of the bedroom, your thoughts racing through your head as sleep continued to evade you. 

“What?” Daehwi’s question came with a long sigh. He was still lying with his back facing you, having to deal with your insomnia disrupting his sleep as well. Not that he minded too much. He didn’t have anything planned for tomorrow, and having you back in his arms this morning after weeks of absence wasn’t quite enough for him to feel sufficiently caught up with you. 

“Just… Have you ever thought about how scary the ocean is?” You completed your original thought with a glance over at his pyjama-ed figure. Your question makes him roll over to face you, and you can just make out his facial features with the limited lighting from nightlight in the room. But instead of answering your questions, he just smiled and let a half-hearted fond chuckle leave his lips.

“I missed your randomness.” He murmured. That’s definitely not the only thing he missed.

Your smile, your laugh, your little inflections in your voice when you started talking about something you were really passionate about; all these things he could capture over video call to an extent, but it was never the same as the real deal. Nothing could ever compare to being face-to-face with you, indulging in your random conversation topics that never failed to make Daehwi ponder things he had never even considered before. Like how old possessions are souvenirs from different times in your life, or whether or not cereal could be counted as a soup.

Like most people, he never realized how much he adored every part of you until you were thousands of miles away from him. As soon as he was back in the same room as you, he was practically mesmerised by everything about you, falling in love with the exact same things that had him smitten three years ago. He barely even took his eyes off of you, too drunk on your presence to be able to even think clearly. 

The excitement from getting back had calmed down by the time you both were getting ready for bed, giggling through your nightly routine and stealing kisses from each other every chance you got like lovesick teenagers. But after you were tucked under the covers together, you had sworn to actually go to sleep, and promised to leave the leftover rush of romance for tomorrow… That was 20 minutes ago.

“You didn’t answer my question.” You pointed out. Daehwi shuffled closer to you until he was easily able to wrap an arm around your waist. 

He hummed in thought, “I think I have…? But I try not to spend too much of my time fearing something that isn’t going to harm me in the current moment.” He reasoned.

“I knew you’d have a practical response to that.” You rolled your eyes fondly and snuggled closer to his chest.

“Why did this even come up?” He asked curiously. 

“On my drive to the airport to pick you up there was this really big billboard sign with the ocean on it. And it just looked so… enormous, you know?” Daehwi nodded along with your thought process, always listening intently to whatever you had to say no matter how forgotten it would be in a few hours.

“And then I thought about how small I was in comparison… Oceans are just so massive, and they could just so easily swallow me and you and everyone on this entire planet in an instant. I mean, scientists have only explored 5% of our oceans. Who knows what’s down there.” 

“You are minuscule in comparison to it, true, but you mean a whole lot more to me than the ocean. And I’d like to think our love is like that… so big it could swallow us in an instant.” Daehwi said with a soft smile, his words dreamy and his body on the verge of sleep as he uttered them. His lips barely brushed the side of your cheek as he spoke, and you sucked in a breath. It was almost impossible to resist moving your head to find his lips and kiss him until you were both breathless. 

Oh, how in love you were with this man…

↳ ab6ix taglist (bolded could not be tagged): @eternalgyu,, @heavenfilm

[oflights]

top 10 books of 2023!!

thank you for tagging me, @elskanellis! i started drafting this right away, ran out of time to post it on 12/31, and am ~circling back now. i read 50 books in 2023, and these are my top 10 faves!

titles, brief #thoughts, etc. under the cut!

Himself, by Jess Kidd

this was so incredible and heart-wrenching and exciting to read. devastatingly beautiful/cheerful dirtbag lad busts into a small irish village to find out what happened to his mother, who was almost certainly murdered, and turns everything upside down. every character is so entertaining and funny and sharp, even the villains. the ending is incredible.

The Winners, by Fredrik Backman

i'd recommend this whole series, even if you don't care about hockey; it's so, so good and emotionally devastating. at its base, the series is about a hockey team in sweden, but really, this series belongs to the character of Benji Ovich, and it's a masterclass in building up a queer hero. it's unflinching in dealing with all that he goes through, and handles a lot of really difficult topics with deftness. the heart of his story, for me, is the question of what happens when you're in love with your best friend who is actually a despicable, evil person, and how can you ever forgive yourself for it?

The Iliad, translated by Emily Wilson

do i have to evangelize this one anymore? it's so fucking good. i've read it about 10 times at this point, i just couldn't bring myself to be finished with it. it's so refreshing and approachable and makes every single character leap off the page. it doesn't pull a single emotional punch (because homer doesn't! and wilson's like "don't look away!")

A Map for the Missing, by Belinda Huijuan Tang

this is one of those books that really comes together as a whole; i didn't know it was going to be a fave until i was finished with it. a chinese immigrant has to go back home to help search for his elderly father, who's gone missing. as he goes, every single thread of his past is tugged on and unravelled and the complexity and depth the narrative achieves is really astounding. the last few pages are an absolute gut-punch.

A Power Unbound, by Freya Marske

purely here for how it redeemed the entire series for me. i'm actually not a big romance person, though i did read more romance than ever this year; i just usually tend to get bored with the same sorts of romance tropes over and over (probably because that's what i read fic to get, not tradpub novels). this one doesn't do anything new or reinvent those tropes or anything, it's just really, really good and engaging and hot. the romance outshines the magic system/plot by far. i'd recommend the series overall, but this one has the best relationship in it AINEC.

Emily Wilde's Encyclopedia of Faeries, by Heather Fawcett

why do i always like middle grade authors who pivot to adult books waaay more than YA authors who do the same? like how are they so much better? that's definitely the case here. this is really fun fairy book (i went through a fairy phase over the summer) and packed a surprising emotional punch and a really lovely romance. i think it helped that the main character have major howl and sophie vibes. i'm excited for the sequel to come out in a few weeks!

Slewfoot, by Brom

god this was absolutely horrifying and brutal and also incredible? i actually can't believe this is here because it lost me through some of the worst of the witch trial torture (it goes really hard on it, as a warning, and i almost stopped there. her poor cat :/ i can almost never handle it when a cat dies) but!! i'm glad i stuck through because of the ending, which is phenomenal and makes every other bit of it worth it. the mythology is terrific and terrifying, too.

Small Things Like These, by Claire Keegan

possibly the best novella i've ever read? it just packs an incredible punch; it doesn't waste a single word, every square inch is a devastating look at the magdalene laundries and it doesn't hold back at all. so, so good.

Half a Soul, by Olivia Atwater

i'm so glad i discovered olivia atwater this year! this was during the Fairy Phase and it was just really fun and engaging. again, big howl and sophie vibes (this is such a high compliment from me) and i really love the second book in this series, too. it's just a really fun world to get lost in, and i'm excited to read more from this author this year.

He Who Drowned the World, by Shelley Parker-Chan

i had some problems with this, and i didn't love it as much as the first book, though i actually think most of those problems could've been solved with a third book and a longer runway. really wish this was a trilogy. that being said, this was still incredible. i loved every single narrative thread, there were zero emotional punches pulled, and i still think about these characters all the time. read this series if you haven't!!

[66sharkteeth]

You might not be able to answer this without going into spoiler territory, but has the story or characters of City of Blank changed in any major or minor way since you started writing it? You obviously know how the story will end, but I'm just curious to know if you've stuck to your initial vision 100% from beginning to end, or if anything has influenced you to change certain things? If you have, it might be interesting to see a "What Could Have Been" section once the story has concluded.

The original plot is 100% and it's still ending exactly where I always originally planned, but we did end up taking a lot of different roads than the comic I wrote out in like...high school.

Things got rearranged, new characters got added (Christoph wasn't even thought of until around the end of s2), some characters were taken off the chopping block while others were added (obviously can't say who).

It also definitely got way more uh...personal? To me, and like not in a "these OCs are my babies" way I mean in...I started to use it a lot more as an outlet to get out some deep rooted feelings that came out the past few years. In addition to Rex's anxiety and depression that I...started to be able to write from much more firsthand experience lol, the past 5 years or so have brought out the worst in so many people and it really hurt to see how much a huge chunk of our world hates people like me and my friends just for wanting to exist. Rex was always going to be written to have a struggle between balancing his human and blank half, but in high school, it was much more of a like...just fun anime, kingdom hearts-ish type struggle haha. But as the years went on and I started to question my own identity and saw the struggles of certain groups in a system that actively just doesn't want them to exist...the themes in CoB became a LOT more than just haha fun anime blank monsters go brrr (I won't specify which groups to be clear, because I know many relate to it, but I do write it from my own perspective)

Episode 114 really says it all. That's my favorite episode in the entire series and probably will be even by the time it finishes. It's definitely the piece of media I've ever poured my entire heart into and just reading through the comments, I can tell a lot of people got exactly what I was saying in it.

Tbh, I kind of feel like that's a big part of what's missing in season 1 and why I kind of hate it? Because back then, it absolutely was written to just be fun anime adventure with no deeper meaning. I even remember telling people way back when "nah there's no deeper meaning." Which...it's fine for those exist to be clear... but I do think it's a key ingredient that I didn't start to sprinkle in until around s2 and fully include until s3.

So uhhh yeah. TLDR: Certain characters would be dead, plot points would have been different and probably equated to worse pacing, and it would have been a lot more probably lighthearted like s1 without ever getting into many deeper topics.

[commanderquinn]

meta: sam coe - post-campaign analysis

allllrighty i am officially post-campaign so time for first thoughts. since im still collecting my feelings/opinions on the main quest i dont want to go super into that. i wanna wait and consolidate into a deep dive on that one. BUT i am a fic writer with a fixation on socioeconomics, intergenerational trauma, and more specifically the phenomenon of atheists clinging to their religious parents morals because they haven't taken the time to evaluate their biases and the reasons they still hold them

translation: the silver spoon space cowboy is an interesting concept. poory executed in the case of starfield, sadly, but great framework for fandom to chop the head off of and bring to their own individual comfort interpretations.

this meta will include spoilers for the following:

-sam's questline and the npcs involved

-his romance

-cora, the safety storyline around her, and how she's the best part of the space game

-why bethesda was fucking stupid to turn the cowboys into cops when they have the perfect opportunity for not that. i went in hoping for retired/reformed army rangers fed up with war looking to defend their home from fascism given the "han solo simulator" marketing, but all i got was this lousy ass rendition of the texas rangers, which i for SURE did not want

-i WONT be going into detail about the main plot for this post, just fyi. i wanna save that, and sam's relation to it, for its own essay. id still recommend not reading meta's until you finish the game tho

-i miss obsidian's writing. this game made me want to play outer worlds for the 100th time. that will probably come up a lot

this is probably gonna sound more than a bit scattered and off the fucking plot for the first section, but bare with me, im making a point eventually i promise. gotta make sure we're all on the same page first.

now that ive done a majority of his content, it's clear what the intent was for sam and i applaud it. i like it when good hearts in bad systems spot the fundamental flaws and decide to abandon it entirely, or work to change it. i hate perfect characters. i hate characters that have no growth to find. sam is a great character for showing the awesome power of a perspective change. but damn. what a waste when you're talking about a format where a writer is constricted to:

-an exact conversation trigger (bethesda games have always relied on interrupt & player approach, and i didnt notice any variation on game engine front but i wont know until they release the ck so)

-word limit on all responses (yes, you can make long dialogues in engine. but those words still have to be f u n d e d from a dev standpoint. words are not free in video games. capitalism sucks for art.)

-multiple conversation branches that ALL have to circle back to the original topic (they have to follow a set pattern of establishing a subject, then the players possible responses to that subject, the npcs responses to those responses, AND provide a seamless, one dialogue tie-in path to the next branch. it sounds super easy until you're the shmuck writing it, and then it doesnt feel so easy anymore)

-get approximately two personal quests with, what was it, 12 motion scripted scenes? (im watching other peoples pts now so ill try to remember to count, but it was. hmm. lack luster imo. im not saying quantity is vital. im a bioware fanatic, i know the power of quality when its actually delivered. i didnt have any moment like that for sams quests and it was kind of crushing. ill get into it.)

-appeal to a wide enough audience to obtain profit by holding back eXtReMe ViEwS (id like to point out that there is, at this exact moment in time, an active pr campaign (and a few scattered gaming content creators) surrounding starfield talking about how pronouns are politics and should be left out of gaming. over a setting flag in a save file. you literally dont even have to press a button about it. like, you pick your characters body. masc bodys are auto assigned m pronouns. fem bodies are auto assigned f pronouns. you literally dont even have to SEE the button, and it never gets brought up. the only purpose it serves is so the game knows what voice lines to fire. that. is. it.)

im not going to humor the "thats dumb, bethesda makes political games" contribution to the argument.

i get straight people think they're being super helpful and witty on that one, but i think the world would collectively benefit from allies taking just a few extra seconds before standing on that soapbox to maybe consider that calling existence "politics" might be, gee idk, insulting. maybe more than a lil dehumanizing. maybe super easily solved by just NOT giving into their parents obsession with playing devils advocate. i think if maybe allies could shut the fuck up for a minute or two at a time and go look for voices of authority within the communities they're defending instead of trying to talk over them, that'd probably work out better. might help cut out the completely useless middle man their parents taught them to be when they drilled home "you have to respect everyone's opinion"

no the fuck you do not, actually. i, as someone on this earth attempting to be a compassionate person, owe people a chance at understanding. i do not, under any circumstance, owe someone any kind of respect WHATSOEVER if they cannot respect me as a human being. full stop. i dont owe it to them, i dont owe it to their religion, i dont owe it to the government they try to establish. i do not owe respect to people attempting to oppress me. i never have and i never will.

but remember. there is context to be found in the passing of time. yes, you need to tell grandma to stop being racist. no, you do not need to banish grandma to the nursing home if there's still a chance that she's willing to sit and listen. a chance that she'll empathize with social perspectives that the racist society she was raised in never allowed her to have. breathe and give grandma the chance. then send her to the home if she's still racist.

(yes that was an analogy for how i imagine a perspective conversation with jacob would go. i do not have high hopes of that man finding self awareness given. well. who he is as a person.)

now. if you've played through sam's content, you already know why im bringing all of that up, but lets put together a list of all the things that Make Sam Coe Who He Is before we wrap it all up in a pretty bow that hopefully reads a lot less scattered than this "yo society got some trauma actually" lead up ive dumped on you

quick interrupt just for me: i love that im back on tumblr where i dont really have to give all that much of a fuck about making sense. any audience i could find here is equally unhinged so mostly i just have to format it in a way that makes your brain not hurt. sorry if you dont have adhd <3

1: lets talk about cora's hair.

im going to make the race observation because its bothering me from a dev standpoint AND the gamer crowd is already starting to make cuck memes which sucks to see.

i get that this doesnt matter in a colonialism scifi future where a service like enhance exists and we're talking about two rangers that apparently went under cover regularly, but it matters in the context of how sam was handled in a 2020 era commercial, creative environment. im just going to MENTION that cora coe's biological mother (that jab was me not liking her as a person, not me giving a shit that she's white) is paler than pale, and sam does NOT look like some of his earlier promo images. bethesda as a company also has a very long history of making characters arguably tan to avoid this shit.

9/16 edit: was asked for source, heres the exact image im referencing, which is still his set image on the starfield wiki to date:

(im going to preemptively warn any white artists building the urge to argue over this: you DO NOT want to die on a hill about lighting for this one, fucking trust me. thats not what this conversation is, and if you dont understand that as a White Artist, you need to sit this one out until you understand the full weight of the conversation and the profound effect of media treating skin color like a rare diversity accessory. bethesda has a very very long history of this. their last major story title, fallout 4, (76 was a money grab made in the other studio and i barely want to call it a game) had a whopping total of two black characters in its main cast, and both of them acted in subservient roles so please. please please please just. stop trying to defend bethesda on this one. its dehumanizing, cowardly, and malicious in this day and age. i promise im not trying to bite anyones head off here, im just Old And Tired when it comes to suburbanites in fandom.)

i think having solomon be canonically black would have been a really important aspect. i think it would have given the opportunity to show white people why its fucked up that they get SO EXCITED to save war mementos (or in the case of starfield a nasa memento) and will go on and on about how vital it is to save that piece of history, but when you bring up memorializing the importance of race as it pertains to human history and cultural history/pride, they suddenly start getting Very Uncomfortable and throw out phrases like "what does it matter we're all human" while standing next to the gun their grandfather smuggled home from the war

there is no brightness slider on pc and i havent gone reshade tweaking so everything is still washed out on my end (dont worry, as an rtx user, imma be makin a rant post on that) b u t. cora coe has a pale as fuck mother and a vaguely tan father with blue eyes and straight hair, meanwhile my precious angel has a darker complexion and curls that look like they're closing in on the 3c range so like. im getting vibes that sammy boy mighta been whitewashed during game dev, and thats about as far into THAT topic as im gonna bother to venture for this post.

2: his dad

were we supposed to have more daddy issues content??? istg it feels like there was the initial map talk and then nothing. im not saying that i cant pull blood from a stone and give you an entire essay on that glimpse of family trauma just from a few lines of dialogue, but still. feels like thats maybe something that should have gotten more detail.

"no forgiveness between me and my old man. it's uh... coe tradition."

oh boy. oh boy oh boy oh boy. what a line to start his personal quest

before we go ANY FURTHER im gonna drop a reference to one of my favorite aaron sorkin scenes of all time. its from the movie he did about the chicago seven, and i think it fits VERY well when having a conversation about how sam is shaped by his father

unfortunately the exact scene i want to show isnt clipped anywhere easy i could find, so here's an article that talks about that scene specifically if you want more context but dont want to watch the whole movie. what we're really focused on is this:

which is a scene where a fictional account of bobby seale, the leader of the black panther party at the time of the chicago 7 trial, said that above quote to a fictional account of tom hayden while they were having a conversation about how the stakes of this trial are life and death for him as a black man, but little more than a family dispute and a dark spot on their records for the (all white) chicago 7.

its a GREAT continuation of sorkin’s fascination around father son conflicts (he covered it a time or two during his writing days as west wings original creator, which is a great political show id strongly rec) and it really really works when used in comparison to those rebellion days sam had that he still flagellates over

sam was a privileged kid without a foundation of emotional support or a safe environment to vent to. he didnt have the words needed to communicate what he was feeling and thinking and experiencing. he didnt have the means to express himself in a way that wasn't immediately criticized by the people in his life. it doesnt take a degree in psych to figure out that sam first ran for the stars to run from his father. and it sounds like that was tradition

from the MOMENT YOU MEET HIM, jacob is full stop "my way or the highway" until you hit him with the good ol bethesda persuasion and his disposition pulls a 180 to hand you the next plot device

sam: "you know why im here."

jacob: "oh? and what's that? you come to your senses? realize where you ought to be for once?"

w o w

i wonder why sam never felt safe in his own home. i wonder why he doesnt feel safe leaving cora there. i wonder why that miserable fucking attitude and guilt has sam convinced that jacob will be the worst possible thing for his curious daughter's self esteem.

yes, grandparents sip a different kind of koolaid when it comes to their grandkids. no, that is not enough to protect that child from that much intergenerational trauma. sam's made a bad choice keeping cora in space, but he's made an EXCELLENT choice keeping her away from jacob.

forget "showing respect" to his son's choices, jacob won't give them the time of day. he brushes off constellation and wont go meet them for himself, he insists that cora being "in her family home" is the only priority (isnt THAT telling) and, as if that wasnt enough to prove he's incapable of empathy, the fact that he outright, direct fucking quote during that first scene with him, says to sam's face

"the only mistake im seeing here is you"

fuck anyone who walked away from that scene of a parent saying that to their own kid and had the response of "i dont understand why sam wont let jacob take care of cora." fuck you, genuinely from the bottom of my heart, if that was your reaction.

i looked for opportunities to get sam to talk about what the rest of those "30 plus years of experience with the man" really looked like after that. the fact that it was used as a plot device without any (from what I COULD FIND in my first pt, if i find any ill edit this) kind of dialogue discussion about that trauma around his father's behavior/mentality and the terrible influence it had is such a waste. chances are!!!!!! id fucking agree with him!!!!!!!!!! SO TELL THEM TO ME BETHESDA!!!!!! give me the chance to storm back into that house with the full story and let that geriatric fuck know why he will not be allowed back into my daughters life (yeah we're gonna be calling cora our daughter on this one bc, again, she's the best thing in the game) until he can learn to be a safe emotional environment for her

and THEN, at the end of the romance, the wrinkly mf drops a "hey can you go over sam's head and make the parenting decisions now" 20 minutes before your vows get exchanged in his living room (WE'RE GONNA TALK ABOUT THAT MESS OF A WEDDING LMAO ITS A LOT but im probably gonna save it for another sam post where i talk more in depth about why packing a complicated romance in that tightly just Dont Work). like wow. wowowowwow. if that doesnt perfectly sum up how he views the dusty's (shhh i really hope that name catches on pls i keep seeing ppl use captain instead its heartbreaking) role in the family now, and confirm how he's always viewed his own son, idk what does

3: lillian "i can abandon my kid and demand she be taken care of in the same breath" hart

i was originally going to go into hella detail on his relationship with his ex but honestly i think im just gonna leave a few paragraphs and not touch on her again bc its bad for my blood pressure.

okay, here's the deal. im biased in the sense that i had a mother with attachment issues and lets just say that his ex is worth about as much to me as a pile of dogshit. it'd be one thing if she had that moment of "oh. sam and cora bond really well and i dont fit" and decided to look at that and evaluate if she wanted to continue trying to be a parent.

but she didnt have a moment of reflection. she didnt talk to a therapist. she didnt have a discussion with sam. she went back to work and decided "oh well, my kid doesnt like me" and then left her daughter with an open wound and no shot at closure. which is just. wow. that's active abandonment. she WALKED OUT of cora's life because she couldn't stomach the idea that she didnt immediately win over her daughter without any effort to connect to her.

then she has the nerve to yell at sam for not doing the best for cora. like bitch, you cant even consistently answer the phone??? what are you on??? she's REPEATEDLY broken cora's heart with false promises, and clearly made no effort to truly atone for that given just HOW angry sam is ALL the times he brings it up.

and she does it all for what????? a beat cop reputation and some shiny medals????? like shut the fuck up with that righteous indignation piglet, you're killing smugglers under someone's made up authority to protect COMMERSE, not creating galactic peace. the idea that THAT SHIT is worth more to her than her own daughter having a mother who's around for all her life milestones is inFURIATING and id fucking deck her if i could.

the fact that there's zero chance to call her out other than one single "thats a pretty awful thing to say" option is a real cop out from bethesda. they realized they put a woman in a position where she could be really, truly yelled at for something like child care, and chickened out on following through with it so they wouldnt take any heat.

thats gross and should piss you the fuck off, by the way. that sure the fuck isnt what equality looks like by any measure. you don't empower women by acting like they're infallible creatures you cant call out for being flawed. and you sure as shit dont empower the next generation of women by forgiving their abusers.

4: cora's safety

which brings us to the big sticky: sam is a disaster and i DONT think that keeping cora on a combat-active spaceship is right. i think she'd be much better off living in constellation hq (aside from the main plot obvsly) with a constant open comm to her dad and the ability to bring her to outposts and secured sights.

the problem with the biomother's abandonment isnt the distance. its the lack of attempt to connect. its the lack of forming a bond. its the fact that she had zero desire to understand her child once she figured out her child didnt "love her the most" when thats literally not a thing. the problem was never the physical space, and it wouldnt have to be in sam's case, either.

he's a dad that's there for cora day in and day out, he just never got the chance to grow out of the panic stage of a parent worried the first fever is going to kill the baby. he didn't have his dad because he had to get out to protect himself, he doesnt have a mom because of how long she's been dead, and lillian checked the fuck out at an early stage apparently. so sam was left to be the nervous wreck trying to keep history from repeating itself. the man's flying blind in the face of all the combined generational trauma of himself, his father, and his ex, all while trying not to fuck up shaping a human life.

you're damn fucking right he keeps cora glued to his side, i legitimately do not think his own ptsd would allow him to do otherwise without someone like the dusty to come and and go "hey dude, maybe its time we read some emotional intelligence and trauma books so we can start getting cora into a stable environment for literally the first time in her life? also im going to teach her gun safety for my own sanity because you keep letting her walk all over you and its scaring the fuck out of me thinking my daughter is going to try to raid a pirate ship at 15 because no one taught you proper boundaries."

5: his morals

its been 30+ years and his father wont let go of arguing and micromanaging long enough to try to understand his son. lillian is a workaholic who believes her only inherit value is what she can provide to an organization that views living, breathing human beings as occasionally expendable while screaming about its pursuit of freedom and equality.

sam coe is a man who got told what he was supposed to be his entire life, tripped into drugs and crime in an angry, sheltered act of rebellion, and walked away from it all with a very skewed, very flawed interpretation of morality as a result.

lillian and his father are the clear moral compasses in his life. like yeah, sure, he'll talk about how cora is his driving force until he's blue in the face. and he's not lying!!! he's not even technically wrong. she is his active motivation day in and day out. but she is not his Morality. she hasn't developed enough as a person to be able to be that kind of beacon. she's a kid rushing herself through childhood because she thinks that will make her better and no one in her life recognizes it enough to stop it. she shouldnt have to be the moral guide for someone who's supposed to be guiding her

sam cant let go of the ranger envy. he couldnt stomach being around it, but he cant look at that discomfort long enough to identify why. he can walk into a bank and plain as day go "ah, don't you hate the smell of capitalism," but he can't bring himself to blink the stars out of his eyes long enough to ask why the rangers are so willing to put smugglers to death without trial. sam has enough awareness to identify the system is flawed, but he doesnt have the guts to really stare that down

he'll make cracks about walter having too much money and influence, but he wont actually mention how he and his wife are the root cause of an extraordinary amount of pain and suffering and perfectly avoidable manslaughter as a result of their business. i get that constellation runs as a dont as dont tell organization, but if sam's going to give me shit about nabbing a paper weight from a guy's desk, i think we should talk about how he doesnt display anger for walter's business practices.

sam coe, at his heart, is a dreamer who doesn't want to look too close at things. he was taught that some things just Are, and looking for too many answers will find you trouble. he's got the spirit of an explorer dampened by a lifetime spent under cops.

you can hear it in his voice whenever he talks about how proud he is of cora for being a goddamn prodigy. you can hear the wonder and the excitement there. you can hear the curious kid in him that probably got pushed out of the way while he was trying to shape himself into a Proper Coe

i think sam coe is a dreamer who was forcibly taught to fear learning as a child, and thats the real tragedy of him.

so let's start to tie our bow here.

sam is a man who, in a way that only a privillaged kid can, stumbled into neon's life of drugs and smuggling and self harm through destructive behavior with both eyes firmly shut.

he didn't fall into drugs after a lifetime of being submersed in the culture of it. he didnt take them because he grew up surrounded by people that just knew that's all life was ever going to hold. he didnt get into smuggling because he was starving. he didnt take on his first "criminal act" because there was a life and death battle going on somewhere in his life.

this man was drowning in guilt and shame centered around not "being a proper coe" by the time he was free of his father's control, by all accounts. you can hear how much self hatred he has over the memory of that time in his life. look, im not going to say that age and recovery doesnt come with regret, but he talks about it like degeneracy and something to be guilted about rather than just... living life. like so what you did some drugs?? so what you did a capitalism no no?????

corporations arent people. you shouldnt steal from them because itll put YOU at risk, but under no circumstance should anyone hold onto any guilt for stealing from them. money is fake and capitalism murders people every hour of the day. fuck the system, its fucking rigged, look out for you and yours while capitalism is stealing your natural resources and making private homesteading prosecutable (translation: in our actual, real life here, the government can throw you in jail for building a house without a permit. go look up at the sky and think about the moral journey humanity had to take to get us to that point, and then come talk to me about how i shouldnt encourage people to steal from corporations)

anyways back to the video game, as far as the "what if he was unknowingly smuggling something like organs or weapons" argument, there's no desire for me to defend it, tbh. i dont view crime as a personality brand the way cops do. someone being convicted of a crime doesnt make me see them as lesser, it makes me see them as a person who did a bad thing. i do bad shit all the time. we all do. we're human. sometimes there's an excuse for the behavior, and sometimes there isnt. that's not the end of the world. you own up to your actions, you apologize, and you put in the effort to make amends that fit the situation. end of story. the obvious exception to that being when someone you have victimized tells you to fuck off because they dont want your further involvement.

yes. yes there are people in the world that are genuine monsters that spend their time and energy looking for ways to do the cruelest shit imaginable to their fellow human beings. but those are fucking outliers, so no, im not going to let a conversation about morality be derailed by a fraction of a percent of the population

but people (like the rangers) who aren't ready to look at the whole picture of context, who would rather hyper focus on the unbending rule of the land, don't see that. they see a "type" of person once a crime has been committed rather than "a person who found themselves in this scenario"

sam was raised by cops. he fundamentally does not understand how biased his own view is. he'll sometimes make a vague mention of crime being a necessity, but you can hear how many strings are attached there just from the way he talks about it. he truly views crime as a black and white subject with exceptionally few slivers of grey to be found. you can hear the "law and order is what separates us from the rest of the animal kingdom" in his voice whenever he talks about how the rangers are "good people" he just "didnt fit anymore" and it's heartbreaking

he'd be so much better off if he would take a moment to reevaluate his priorities and look a lot closer at that guilt he carries and why he carries it. i think it would even help him better connect with cora in the long run. it would for sure give him a better handle on why letting his daughter take on college courses this early in her life isnt something to brag about. its a bad sign that she's pushing herself to Be Something in the exact same way he used to. he just doesn't recognize it because her way is "healthy" by society's fucked up view of child prodigies

tl;dr

i don't need to fix sam coe. he's stubborn, traumatized, and sheltered, not broken.

give that man good enough head and i'm absolutely sure he could be talked into reading some -clutches pearls- marxist literature

[styrmwb]

I Finished FFXI: Wings of the Goddess

I don't wanna make a whole on post like I usually do cause I don't really feel like I have a whole experience to write on, plus I started it a few years ago and so my experience is segmented (not to mention I'm playing it in current year solo and not modern times with people so it would feel disingenuous to comment on the whole thing), but I just wanted to jot some thoughts down.

I loved it. This story was so good, probably the best out of all the ones I've played so far (Chains of Promathia was also really good but it loses points due to being a little confusing; I understood Wings pretty well)

Lilisette is such an outstanding character, I love her so much. She might be my new favorite XI character???? Like Prishe is great, we love her so much, but something about Lilisette just feels more solid in her writing (I do need to revisit past expansions cutscenes cause again, been a few years). More points go to her animations and model; holy shit I feel like they put so much effort into making her look super full of life. She's vibrant, animated, expressive, and seems leagues above any other character in the entire game. Her story is tragic and it breaks my heart.

On the topic of animation, I feel like the cutscenes shot up in quality here. Motion felt alive, items were being held, the interactions between models was actually physically there???? Like in some cases it felt better than XIV! The hugs! The holding! Holy shit! People are actually in the same space! I think the highlight to me was Lekho riding his chocobo and jumping on and off and shit.

Back to characters/story; I played the Windurst storyline. It's amazing. Lehko (mentioned above) is such a good character. The entire Windurst cast is amazing. Romaa, Tihl, Mihl, Perih, Robel-Akbel, Karaha-Baruha; I honestly like, really cared for each of them.

As a whole, I think this is the most emotionally impactful storyline in the entire game. I felt the horrors of war, and the tragedy of loss. I actually FELT at it.

My one complaint is I hate Roar of the Battle Drums I hate it I hate it I HATE it. Why did they make one song for campaigns and why does that single song overwrite fucking everything I cannot stand that song I never want to hear it again

It's a shame that Wings is stuck in an old MMO that most FF fans won't even look at, because it's honestly amazing. There are a lot of reasons that I want more people to play XI; but I mainly advocate for it in the realm of story, characters, and world over gameplay. You're missing out by not at least WATCHING the cutscenes online, but that of course doesn't give you the full scope of the world. Please do it.

[opinated-user]

https:/ / archive. ph/ svv67

archive for lily telling britt to unalive herself.

thank you, anon! you're a real one!

reading through this, i have no doubt in my mind that LO send that to herself just to have an excuse to try to one up Brittany... even though Brittany has her own blog to do that on her own space. which brings the question, LO, if you have anything specific to say about anything we claim, what exactly is stopping you from just screenshotting those pots and respond to them directly instead of this weird "anon brought me this thing you say and therefore i get to rant about it while pretending i had nothing to do with how this information came to me" you do? just about in general, you comes off less trustworthy because of this because nobody is actually seeing what you're reacting to. you can make all the angry anons you want. doesn't mean that people are going to actually believe that is Brittany. anyway, there are some point in the response of LO that i want to talk about for a second.

so, sincerely speaking? from my bottom of my heart, hypothetically, if LO was actually a ghost writer and she was earning enough for a comfortable living, enough that she can drop youtube entirely, i'd be honestly happy for her. i'd prefer that she became a full time ghost writer than a youtuber, because you can't groom people with ghost writing gigs. you can't form an audience around being a ghost writer, only inside clients who need your services, who are all pressumably going to be adults in the first place. whatever bigotry or misinformation you spread on that job comes from what a clent asked of you, not from you having horrible opinions about issues that either don't affect you or you don't actually care about or generally being an awful person. because the thing that LO is missing is that nobody is trying to deplatform her because. we want to do that and encourage people to not give her views ever, no matter what kind of video she's making about what topic (which is why my pinned post will always be resources for people to avoid going to give her clicks), not because we want her to become homeless and struggle to have her basic needs met. we know that it's not going to happen anyway because she's daddy's girl and will always count with his money when this youtuber thing completely fails for her, but even if that wasn't a factor, nobody is aiming for that. we want to deplatform LO because she has actively used her platform to abuse, hurt and traumatize people. i'm not talking about her bad takes on anime or show or animation or anything she claims we have an issue with. i'm talking about the way she has groomed people, used her money to make vulnerable people do things they wouldn't otherwise, exposed minors to think they shouldn't have been exposed to by a trusted adult and spread outright lies to defend rapist or other dangerous people because it was convenient for her narrative. we want LO to not be watched anymore by anyone because she has shown, time and time again, that she'll never try to not hurt someone the moment she has a chance for it. because as long she gets views, has subscribers and has any level of influence, she's still a danger.

i'm sure that the Brittany hivemind agrees with all of this as well. so no, LO, you had it all wrong. if you had a job outside of youtube or any social media, we'd love that for you. if anything, we'd encourage it so much more than keep creating bad essays in video form. but we both know that it's not true and you told us that yourself without realizing. so we have to call out the obvious lie you naively expect people to just take.

literally the first result in google search when you type "do ghost writer write fiction":

the second one:

who is the one who looks like they have no idea how this industry works? (although, if i want to get extra petty here, another reason why people can have reasonable doubt about your ghost writing job, beyond the fact that we have evidence of the many lies you tell on a regular basis... a ghost writer by definition has to know to be versatile and write on an more than acceptable level, if not being also good for the editing. LO, you don't even edit your own scripts. you record them in the first draft. your writing style is terrible, both in a grammar sense as an stylistic sense. so you mean to tell me that for your fanfiction, videos, posts, and everything to do with your name, you make zero effort into making it look decent and reserve all your hidden abilities for... writting for crappy apps? oh and flavor text on some unnamed RPG? seriously? how is anyone supposed to believe that?) anyway, the relevant portion is this:

LO, you're a despicable horrible human being. every ounce of compassion or grace i was ever willing to give you have killed it, smothered it, turned it into ashes and then piss on the debris just to spite me. every chance i gave you to be a better person, to do the right thing, you have squandered it and ignored it. you genuinely disgust me. you're repulsive. i feel sorry only for myself for ever believing you were more than a parasite, a groomer and an abuser. Brittany has never been better than the day you both stopped being friends. your sibling, who never liked you in the way you wanted them to and never would have, is a better friend you never was. everyone who has left you is better for it and someday that fact will fully crush you, but there won't be anyone there to console you and tell you that you "deserved better" because you'll be all alone. nobody will be responsible for that when it happens. not me, not Brittany, not Courtney, not any of the other blogs who criticize you. you. you always be your worst enemy and, the best part is, that is the one you'll never get rid of.

[imaginespazzi]

Bestie bestie bestie!

Hello :) Where to even begin after so much time.. I guess first I'll note that my last anon to you is starred below just so we can follow the thread of last convo somewhat (and honestly just wanted to ensure you knew I at one point wrote in over you hiatuses)..

Ok on to more new stuff: Biggest news is Im off to the wifeys motherland (ironic a bit as I believe shes currently playing in my fatherland). I'll report back on food a day drink 😋 ca va?

Yay Liberty, they did it! 🗽Plenty of kudos to the Lynx as well. Was a great series all around. Even if my nerves barely withstood those overtimes & dramatic endings.

Coaching movement in the W continues to make my head spin. OMG the Thibaults are gone, didnt see that coming tbh! I remain seated for all the hirings/happenings to come. And cant believe we're almost to the lottery selection w still so much upheaval in place 🤯

Hope all is well w you despite lifes busyness. Take care

** Hi hi hi bestie! Yes that anon was me ha. I realized after sending that I left of my emoji signature, but was pretty sure youd connect things, given some hyper specific topics ha. Hope life is treating you alright apart from just being busy!

Im personally just relieved that the Libs managed to even things up last night, while still trying to process the 2nd half & OT of game 1 lol. That one was all just absolutely bonkers. Crazy entertaining, even if it hurt my NY supporting heart at the time.

When it comes to the coaching moves, def in agreement that Indy doesnt deserve good things. What do you make of who the Valks named HC? Seems a good hire to me at a quick glance, but Im also leery of anyone who might be involved w the Aces lawsuit ordeal (tbf Im not super well informed on that, but dont believe Ive ever seen her referenced w that stuff). Yeah objectively I dont feel that a (random) late winning run/playoff push, external circumstances w the standings aside, was worth dropping your odds of getting #1/Paige from like 30 to 10 %. Still struggle to understand why they ended up trying to fight the path that established itself early on. Granted kind of unexpected and extreme circumstances, but still, lemons to lemonade if you will. Im not feeling eager for the draw next month..

Honestly it will be interesting now to see/follow any Liz activity while she hits the offseason as college ball starts up soon. Curious to see if any crumbs or reactions come up at all. W those two seeming to be at an avoidance phase, another college wbb couple needs to step up and provide us w some (non toxic) drama to follow over the season ha! Not you tho Pazzi, you stay lovely/wholesome/stable/healthy

One additional GH note - I obvi live for snark, so wanted to share my fav lines from Ch 10

“Won’t somebody please think about the complications” Jana in full menace mode and so funny. "I mean other than the woman you married as well that is" The fact that Azzi will not ever say her name I just love. I also have this idea that Stephie, when older and knows pretty much everything re her parents history, will continue the she who shall not be named thing in support of her mama. (And Im not entirely discounting the possibility of a bit of real time drama w Olivia that wont help w this whole Azzi grudge).

Wishing you a good start to the week!! -☕️ **

Hi hi lovely I missed you <3

Ah babes that must have gotten lost in my sea of asks because I've been so bad about answering them. It's funny how much has change since whenever you sent that thought because the W has become a revolving door of coaching changes.

I really like the Valks HC choice. She's been very effective with the LVAces and I expect that to continue. Same with the recent news we go today of Tyler Marsh with the Sky. I think LVAces coaching staff in general is so strong and them branching off is good for the league and both the Valks and the Sky with these coaches and a little bit of time for player development should eventually be really good. Ultimately the lawsuit is a front office issue and I don't think these two had much to do with it and so until I see issues in their new respective teams, I don't think we can hold it against them.

LIBERTYYYYYYY. So happy for them and of course props to the Lynx. And honestly thank you to both teams for giving us what I think, despite that one foul, is the greatest W finals we've ever had.

THE THIBAULTS ARE GONE. You were one of the first people I thought of when I saw that news. Honestly I have no idea what to think. I really didn't see it coming and as much as I've done a lot of nepo baby this nepo baby that, I don't necessarily know if this is the right choice but I'll wait to see who they appoint as the head coach to really figure out my thoughts.

Lottery in 2 weeks?? What the actual hell? Like y'all we're likely gonna know where Paige is going before we even see Azzi on the court and that's insane to me.

OOOOH I have some CWBB drama if anyone wants it. Did y'all peep Last-Tear's Poa's shady insta caption she deleted? Her and Sam'yah Smith were a thing and streets are saying maybe she cheated?

Pazzi are being wholesome as always. "Silly girl" - what if I jump off a cliff :)

[softhanni]

2024 Media: 72. Spiritfarer (2020) - 5.5/10★ This review is going to be a long one and definitely not spoiler free so I'll write it beneath the cut off <3

Pros: - The concept was very interesting and unique - The art was beautiful, the animations of the characters felt fluid and the character designs were so well done - It has a bit of everything. You can grow crops, upgrade your boat, craft things, fish, explore, there's a story, multiple characters that have their own stuff going on, mini games. There's pretty much always something to do more or less! - The Everlight turning into oven mitts, a fishing rod, etc. I know it's only a little thing but I think it is SO cute and fun. Cons: - Some of the controls (I played on PC) felt not very smooth and like they overrode each other - You can't view the map outside of one specific room - You have to travel to a specific location to check your completion progress which is REALLY annoying and even then you don't know what you're missing because it doesn't say the names. - You have to hover over each individual location to check for resources which means whenever you're looking for something specific you have to check around unless you have a good memory. - Lack of instructions for certain crafting things on the ship Now onto the story and characters. I think this game should of been a lot shorter. I feel around the halfway point the characters became less impactful and all the back and forth of the later game definitely became less fun. I know not every death has to be a lesson or something thought-provoking but it felt as if that was the vibe of the game and then...it suddenly wasn't...and then it kinda was again?? Also, I really don't understand why a lot of these characters died which is strange in a game about death? Gwen was the introduction to the entire system essentially so that's chill. Atul's passing was the one that I felt left the biggest mark. Not getting to say goodbye felt like so impactful. Astrid and Giovanni allowed a conversation about how feelings surrounding loved one's death can be messy and complicated and not always black and white. Summer's cancer was of course a topic I'm sure resonated with many people and her conversation around being unable to find peace with it was very powerful imo. Alice slowly losing her mobility and memories due to age, once again, very impactful. Then... it just, for me, went downhill. Gustav felt so flat? Bruce and Mickey, I was waiting for something to happen and it just...didn't? Beverly was just...like a second Alice? Elena's intense challenges didn't fit the pace of the game AT ALL and she didn't feel like a character as much of a way to spice the game up. I LOVED Stanley with my whole heart but I'm still confused as to why he was there? Daria was a very interesting character but once again I'm confused as to why she passed away? I feel like out of the latter half Jackie was the only character to have that same impact. His more antagonist nature was very interesting and mental health is always a topic I'm happy to have more rep for. Not to mention it brought the topic of morality and the afterlife in which go hand in hand. However, I HATE that he was one of two essentially antagonist characters and the reason was...because of his mental health. Of course mental health can be ugly and cause people to be horrible but it being the ONLY rep of it in the game felt so ugly to me idk. As for Stella's story... I didn't really care by the end of it. Once again I think the length of the game and the way the pacing was ultimately worked against the emotional impact of her story. It was like "take her to the everdoor" and then I had to finish other quests for a billion years first which dulled the emotion completely. Also, her ending just felt sad and flat which may have been the point but it felt very anticlimactic either way. All in all I did enjoy this game despite all the complaining lmao, I just think it would have been more coherent at like...half the playtime and with half the characters. Shoutout to my baby boy Stanley <3

[projectbluearcadia]

So Momifer Might Have Lied...

[ Partial Season 1 Spoilers for Obey Me!

Readers Be Warned. ]

Lucifer: Stay here. 

[simultaneous] Satan: No. Mammon: No! Beel: No. Asmo: No way! Levi: Yeah, lol nope. 

Lucifer: ...you’ve all gotten awfully bold. 

Asmo: Probably because we know you too well. 

Levi: Yeah, it’d be typical Lucifer to say he’s going out for milk and never coming back. 

Beel: Why milk?

Levi sighs. 

Levi: Nevermind. 

Lucifer: Let me put this another way. You’re all staying here, or you’re not helping me find Annelie. 

Satan: And just what are you doing that you can’t take us with? If it has to do with Annelie, we have a right to know.

Lucifer: It doesn’t. It’s just a loose end. 

His brothers stare at him with mistrust.

Mammon: Fine. Go tie up your loose ends or whatever.   

Everyone, Lucifer included, turns to Mammon with surprise. 

Mammon: What are you even waitin’ for? Time’s a wastin’, so go!

Lucifer: ...

Lucifer turns towards the House of Lamentation before he runs inside, back into the attic. 

Belphie: ...

Lucifer: ...

Belphie: ...

Lucifer: You heard everything, right?

Belphie: I wish I didn’t hear anything.

Lucifer: You know what I’m going to ask, don't you?

Belphie: I didn’t hear that much. I’m surprised enough you dared show your face again so soon.

Lucifer: Annelie is in a dreamworld space. 

Belphie: ...you have a lot of nerve, you know that?

Lucifer: You might hate me, but Annelie is an innocent demon. 

Belphie: You think I ca—

Mammon: BELPHIE?!

Lucifer: Mammon!

Belphie: Mammon?!

Lucifer: How did you even get in here? I’m certain I—

Mammon points at the heart in Lucifer’s hand, and he glances at it, confused, before his gaze finds the faint red tracery of magic lining the door to the attic. Lucifer sighs and nurses the bridge of his nose.

Lucifer: Oh, Annelie... 

Mammon: What’s he doin’ here?! I thought he was in an exchange program back in the human world?!

Lucifer: Mammon, this is not the time...

Mammon: You’ve had our brother locked up here this entire time?!

Lucifer: I can explain later. 

Mammon: IS THIS SOMETHING YOU EXPLAIN LATER?!

Lucifer: ...

Belphie seems to be enjoying the show. 

Lucifer: There were... circumstances. It’s too complicated for me to explain right now. Believe me; I didn’t do it because I wanted to. 

Mammon: ...

Belphie: Yeah, right. You all made your choice. 

Annelie: I know I’m a little late to the conversation, and this might be a bit of a bad time, but can you hear me?

Lucifer: What? Yes, of course. 

Mammon: Oi, Annie! Can you hear us?

Annelie: I can hear you, Mammon. Though it’s a bit difficult. I was wondering what on earth you could be keeping up that stairwell, but your little brother? Seriously? 

Lucifer: Annelie, I don’t need criticism from you right now. 

Annelie: Yeah, sorry, that’s off-topic. I don’t know how long I can hold this connection, but I don’t have much to go on here. The only things with me here are the note that weird god-demon-thing left with me and an old-fashioned grandfather clock that won’t stop its infernal damn ticking. The stupid antique is indestructible. 

Lucifer: What you gave me already is more than enough; the realm of ideation is something Belphegor can explore freely. 

Annelie: I was kind of hoping you’d give me some pointers on busting my way out of here. 

Mammon: Tried kicking the wall?

Annelie: What’d he say?

Lucifer: Brute force would be her first thought, Mammon. 

Annelie: For your information, I used my head first before I lost my patience, you ass. 

Lucifer: Haha. 

Annelie: You—You’re trying to get a rise out of me?!

Lucifer: Sorry; I had to hear the sass in your voice to know it was you. 

Annelie: Remind me why I love you again?

Lucifer: Because you would never settle for any less than the best. 

Annelie: Your pride is disgusting. 

Lucifer: I miss you. 

Annelie: ...damn you. 

Lucifer: Too late for that. 

Belphie: This is actually disgusting. 

Mammon: You said it. 

Annelie: Says the man who says my name in his sleep.  

Mammon flushes red. 

Lucifer: He what?

Annelie: Wait, you didn’t know about that? Whoops. Sorry, Mammary.

Mammon: IT WAS ONE TIME!

Annelie: Not the last time I checked. 

Lucifer: We’re going to have a long talk after Annelie’s home. 

Belphie: You sound so confident when I have zero intention of helping. 

Mammon: What? Why not?

Belphie: Why should I?

Mammon: Because Annie’s family! 

Belphie: Like that means anything to you. 

Mammon flinches like he’s just been slapped.  

Annelie: Belphegor, was it? I’m not going to ask what happened, because I don’t think I’m going to get anything out of anyone unless I grill Lucifer while he’s half-insane with lust—

Belphie: Ew. 

Annelie: —but for as stupid as your brothers are, you should know that the one thing they all care about is each other. Particularly Lucifer and Mammon. Both of them would endure literally anything if it means they can protect everyone else. For the Devildom’s sake, just the other day, Lucifer spent hours upon hours negotiating with the exhausted RAD staff just so they’d get off Mammon’s back, despite the fact that he had plenty of other work to do.

Lucifer: You don’t have to say such unnecessary things.

Annelie: You think Mammon doesn’t know already? Anyway, Belphegor, I don’t know what happened, and I don’t care. I care about these morons too much to listen to you insult their core values. 

Belphie: ...you realize I’m the only one here who can get you out of there, right?

Annelie is silent for several moments. 

Annelie: To be honest, I have my doubts that I’ll ever see Lucifer again. I’m probably sacrificing part of my life just talking. If I never see him again, I’d rather die knowing that I tried to do what I think I should do rather than just let myself be dictated by someone’s expectations. 

Belphie: ...give the heart to me. 

Lucifer looks down at it, then at Belphie. 

Belphie: I’ll find her for you. Give it here. 

[simultaneous] Lucifer & Annelie: Why do I feel like you’re going to throw it on the ground?

Annelie: Hexed. You owe me a coffee. 

Lucifer: Who taught you that ridiculous... nevermind. 

Belphie: Well, it’s either me or she dies, right?

Lucifer: ...

Lucifer looks down at the heart again before he gives it to Belphegor.