#I haven't thought about any of these bitches since like 2017 what is happening

[kirbythulhu]

Cringe forgive me, I be thinking about Sonic OCs of all things today

[bigcats-birds-and-books]

1, 12, 14 for Lucius and Driscoll? 👀

HELLO FRIEND THANKS FOR ASKING!! referring to this post.

since this all qualifies as Deep Lore Hours (which i love!! you're the best!!), and i'm a wordy person, have a cut checkpoint on your dash:

1. What was the first element of your OC that you remember considering (name, appearance, backstory, etc.)? 

lucius actually happened because i asked claire for a starting blirb [sic] in ms. mecoli's creative writing class in high school (remember that???), and she gave me a bit about lucifer standing outside a churchyard with a big black dog*, and i thought "hm. bit on the nose," (for the weird little christian fiction thing i thought i was writing, which has obviously since mutated Significantly), so i changed it to lucius. originally he was the Antagonist™, and human although he didn't realize he came out of a test tube just like bewinged lili did, and all i knew about him was grown-up white dude with black hair.

obviously, he has since undergone SIGNIFICANT revisions (lol. lmfao, even), but embryonically he started with a modified name!! (i went digging through my archives, and i do in fact still have the index card with claire's pencil writing below my pen request! wild.)

(i don't actually remember when i decided he needed wings too, but i think it was around the time i realized i wanted my protags to be all Not Exactly Me, and therefore boy protag would be Different, and then he got his black wings!)

*the big black dog has also made it back into this version, after falling out of the intermediates!! vanya, my beloved, ...

for driscoll, i vaguely remember the purple hair probably being first (i recall chewing on finding The Right Name for a while?). to confirm, i went into THAT archived notebook (red, helpfully labeled "LIMINAL PREWRITE," with "LANGUAGE AND COMP" obliterated beneath thanks again, high school).

weirdly, the first four (4) pages of the driscoll thing is NOT the character profile (that shows up on page 5, and does mention purple hair/brown eyes/physical appearance), but one of these OC ask meme type things, transcribed into the notebook. hilariously, the very first question is "If they want to buy a firearm, what would it be for?" which. omg. (my answer eventually got to "no they wouldn't lol," but it's wild to see how that slow revelation happened on september 3, 2017, when i was first figuring this kid out.)

so apparently first for driscoll i wrote some random character finding Q&As, and then i have the story of their misplacement, and then the physical details, which: wild, on all fronts, to me. (it's a good thing i keep my notebooks in an archive refrigerator tower, or i would've bluescreened on driscoll 100% haha.)

12. What have you found to be most difficult about creating art for your OC (any form of art: writing, drawing, edits, etc.)? 

oooh, good question. my lucius answer is probably biased, because i hadn't started doing the Bitch Journal while i was working through that drafting/those revisions (and i have the object permanence of a fruit fly), but i THINK my biggest difficulty was figuring out the right balance of ~Interiority~? and i still don't love where i left that querying draft at (now, after four years' distance, lol), but getting the right balance of Thoughts and Reactions down on the page was difficult for me, which i suspect was because i've been too in his head for so long, if that makes sense? like the things he notices and what he narrates on imply enough of the interiority to me that i don't see gaps readers do (because, shocker, they HAVEN'T been living in his head since uh. 2007.). and i think i cut away some of the interiority in my preliminary Wordiness Passes, which nerfed me, but i started fixing that in the fourth draft!

my driscoll answer is just. a web of angst lol. and i know most of it is Living Situational/Circumstantial, so we're going to Ignore That and just answer with the Actual Textual Difficulties.

so: driscoll's Actual Textual Difficulties are mostly that i started out writing thing as "someone i'd like to be" with regards to kindness and gentleness and how much they care about people, but somehow i had to backpedal and get a Character Development Conflict in there, which is hard when my starting point was "very good noodle." i think i'm getting there!! but nesting competing wants into a late-stage draft without breaking anything (or, y'know, while finding stealth-broken things that i didn't think were), is a Trying Time™. i'm leveling up about it! enjoying the leveling up!! i'd be leveling up faster if i wasn't burning all this emotional bandwidth on a bullshit living situation! we're fine!!

14. If you had to narrow it down to 2 things that you MUST keep in mind while working with your OC, what would those things be? 

OH FUN, i percolated on this on my WHOLE BIG WALK yesterday, thank u for this enrichment

lucius: first, physicality is key. he has to be Very Aware of where he is in physical space/how much of it he's taking up (because an 18+ foot wingspan really doesn't fuck around, and only half the time is he somewhere that his dimensions are accommodated). when his awareness slips, it (1) has to be for a good reason and (2) usually results in something breaking, and both of those are fun to play with >:D

second, what he notices needs to read like More Than Human--he's got raptor vision, and he's spent half his life around other hybrids with combat training, so he's very visually Intense™ and good at reading a wide variety of body language. and because he's Friends with these combat trained hybrids, he's asked a lot of questions, and he notices a lot more than human people would.

driscoll: first, child, you have physical limitations, and you ignore them at your own peril. i put this kid in a shifting monsterscape armed with pretty much just a flashlight and the distinct ability NOT to be able to run away from their problems (because their lungs don't cooperate), so both driscoll and i have to be very aware of the Exit Plan for any situation they get themselves into (and they get into a Lot of Situations).

second, another dual-wielding type of thing: driscoll is both weirdly in tune with In Between and mostly cannot tell people that, so how i write about them navigating has to change depending on who they're with. hazard is the only one they're fully open with at the start, and they have to be carefully guarded with the other walkers/crew, AND they have to tell newly misplaced just enough to inspire confidence without revealing so much that they (the newly misplaced) will be Suspicious if they stick around to become townspeople themselves. it's a Lot to keep in mind (perhaps uh. More. than i kept in mind. in drafts two and three lol. we're working on it.)

THANKS AGAIN FRIEND THIS WAS SO FUN!!!

[cakesexuality]

Weight gain/loss (no specific numbers) discussion, vague mention of caloric intake, medication discussion, eating disorder discussion

I've been gaining weight and I know I'm not imagining it bc the scale reads higher

The only 2 other times I've been this weight have been when my ED was at its worst so my metabolism slowed down to conserve energy, and then again when I was at too high a dose of the wrong antipsychotic (and at first I thought I had PCOS which was causing weight gain -- turns out I don't have PCOS and it was just the Seroquel), so this is a sign to me that something is wrong

I was only able to lose the weight from those times bc I went into recovery so my body knew it would be getting consistent fuel and then bc I suddenly cut back on my dose one night, causing an episode that lasted for most of 2022

Even though I've been saying positive things about the medication, I think this weight gain from the last few months might be caused by Abilify, which is the AP least likely to cause these issues

My weight gain may also be from Alysena, which I've been saying good things about as well, and it's hard to tell bc I wasn't regularly weighing myself until very recently so it's hard to pinpoint when the weight gain began and I started Abilify not too long before starting Alysena so it's hard to say which drug is the problem

You guys were there when Latuda didn't pan out (despite being really good for my mood) bc I was getting tingling, burning, cramping, twitching, and hallucinations from it, so that's 3 for 3 APs I've tried that I'm not happy with

Someone in a mental health Discord told me to consider not taking APs anymore after reading what I had to say about this, bc they had a similar story, and I know lithium was a suggestion from the 2nd CAMH doctor and we haven't explored anticonvulsants very far (which weren't a suggestion from the CAMH doctor but I've tried Lyrica which caused an episode of some kind and I haven't tried any others) although idk how I would fare without an AP since I've been on them consistently since February of 2017 when I was having my big psychotic episode and any attempt to lower my dose beyond a certain threshold results in the resurfacing of symptoms like irritability, anxiety, and hallucinations

But there comes a few problems with asking a doctor about changing my medications to avoid weight gain

First problem is, when I gained all that weight from Seroquel and went to my nurse practitioner at the time, she insisted I was in relapse bc I said I was eating fewer than 2000 calories a day (which, at my height and activity level, is warranted even to just maintain weight... a bitch is 5'5" and sedentary), thought that I was lying about the scale reading higher (when she could have weighed me herself or asked a nurse to weigh me to make sure I was telling the truth), and said I needed a psychiatrist instead of any examination or labs to see if I had a physical ailment (bc again, I thought I had PCOS), so I'm afraid of that happening again -- although, this NP was really shitty at her job bc she wasn't willing to make sure I wouldn't go into anaphylaxis until I yelled and swore at her (something to the effect of "What the FUCK do Wellbutrin and depression have to do with my eyes being itchy and my nose being stuffy?!" and she jumped and gave a sort of "Oh, I guess youre right 😶" response and referred me to an allergist on the condition I also saw a psychiatrist, who I didn't go to see bc nobody can make me), and she had to leave the room to get out an entire book to flip through to DESPERATELY come up with the excuse of "your acne might get worse" when I pushed her to put me on Depo-Provera bc that was the only downside she could apparently find (news flash: my acne stayed the same the entire time I was on Depo)

Second problem is, like I said, it's hard to tell which medication this is from, so idk if I should ask the psychiatrist or the gynecologist or both

Third problem is, as I think I've said before, my GP is currently reluctantly in charge of my psych meds so she may not want to take me off Abilify herself and may make me wait until I see the psychiatrist, and I know she especially won't want to try me on lithium right before I'm handed off to the psychiatrist

Fourth problem is that I'm not seeing the GP until June, the psychiatrist until July, or the gynecologist until August, so it'll be a lot of simply waiting to be able to have this conversation with any prescribers

And I wouldn't be so concerned about gaining weight if it wasn't so physically uncomfortable for me to be this size

So that's where I'm at with my body and my medications 🤷‍♀️

[cutestbitches]

Hey! I'm here to submit some characters!

I think both of the von Karmas from Ace Attorney are pretty spiteful bitches. Spoilers and a bunch of sleep-deprived infodumping ahead!!

First off, there's this asshole.

Manfred von Karma was a prosecutor who prided himself on his perfect win record. He had a pattern of hiding evidence, using fear and manipulation to get what he wanted, and just generally being a bitch in court so that he could win cases.

However, in one case, it caught up to him. I don't know the full details since I haven't gotten that far into the Ace Attorney franchise, but he ended up getting a penalty in court because Gregory Edgeworth, a defense attorney, exposed his tactics for being Kinda Illegal.

Manfred still won the case! But he got One (1) Penalty, something that had never happened before in his career, and that set him the fuck off.

Long story short, he ended up killing Gregory Edgeworth, adopting Gregory's son Miles, manipulating Miles into thinking he was his father's real killer, changing Miles' entire worldview and making him into a shell of his former self, and then trying to get Miles arrested 15 years later!

All because some guy called him out on his bullshit! Seems pretty spiteful to me.

...And then, we've got Manfred's daughter, Franziska von Karma.

I love Franziska dearly, but I'll be the first to say that she's also a Spiteful Bitch. She's got a hell of a lot of generational trauma, and has the same incessant need as her father to be the best at everything.

Remember how I said that Manfred adopted another kid, Miles? Well, Franziska had always held great resentment towards Miles, believing that he was always leaving her in the dust and going on to do better things without her. They had a very, very deep rivalry.

Franziska also had a lot of pressure put on her from a very young age because of her father's reputation as a "perfect prosecutor", and she always felt the need to live up to that reputation.

Well, around 2016-2017 in the game's timeline, Both Miles and Manfred were beaten in court by defense attorney Phoenix Wright (Hey! He's the main character!), and Manfred was subsequently arrested and sentenced to death.

When Franziska heard that both her brother and father had lost to Phoenix, she wanted to face off against him in court and win a case against him, so that she could be better than her father and not be left behind by her brother anymore.

Yeah, this game is really dramatic.

So, there's my essay! I hope you consider my submissions.

-Poggay, or Maimmanfredvonkarma

P.S. when I was in liek 4th grade, my teacher would make the class do these division worksheets. when we were done, he would assign us all numbers to go along with the number of problems on the worksheet, and then have us stand up and go in numerological order, reciting the division problem that corresponded with our number.

if someone got the problem wrong, didn't recite it fully, didn't stand up, stuttered, spoke too slowly, or made any kind of mistake, our teacher would chastise the kid and make the entire class start from the very beginning. we would often have these weird division problem recital sessions bleed into our lunch and recess time.

one day, i ended up fucking up this one big streak we had going by getting the problem wrong, and it fucked me up lmao. i went into the school bathroom to cry for, like, an hour.

so yea. that's my 4th grade villain origin story. i thought it'd be kinda funny to include it in a submission about two spiteful perfectionists.

I can finally show the world the 4th grade villian origin story of the century.

Also Franziska von Karma is in the bracket.

(This could also count as Manfred von Karma propaganda sorta.)

[khodorkovskaya]

22.12.22

im so lost about what to do with B. so far my tactic has been not messaging him first and, if he messages me, i reply. but im not gonna initiate any kind of interaction myself. it's just weird how we've been texting back and forth every day for a month and he insisted on seeing me and then poof radio silence. im confused but i do admit that i have been feeling a lot better ever since he stopped messaging me.

i saw my bestie before she left to the airport and we talked about boys and gossiped and omg her ex left to live on a farm like that's so funny to me. and i brought up B and she said i should message him on the 1st of january like "new year, new me. let's leave our relationship in 2022 and start 2023 without old baggage". and idk, it did sound tempting at first bc i am a dramatic bitch and plus i think now id be able to write a better and more heartfelt letter than last time. but... what's the point? that's just gonna lead him on even more. id much rather just keep my distance and not interact with him unless there's a real necessity. sure, there's a lot to say about this whole situation and maybe it would be good for me to write this letter just for myself and my own self reflection, but is that really useful? it's just gonna make things worse and hurt B even more.

anyway, as ive said before, i haven't really had the time to unpack everything that's happened. i feel like i need to analyse our relationship/breakup to be able to move forward. bc it's been at the back of my mind for such a long time and i need my conscience to be fully clear to be able to move on. so yesterday before bed i thought about B and reread my old diary entries on here.

and it's just so... sad how bad our relationship was. i was unhappy for five long years and for what. there was not one moment with him when i felt content and satisfied. five long years of unhappiness and frustration. and even the few fun moments that we had together were always under the shadow of this inescapable doom. it's so tragic. it's so tragic how something you believed was a pillar of your existence and your reason to live and such an integral part of you life was just... a bad relationship. not like in an abusive sense or like he was a bad person. no. it was just a mediocre relationship between two incompatible individuals. and all those dreams and hopes and tears and frustrations were just... a bad relationship.

so many years it felt like it was my destiny. i believed that B was the only one for me, that the planets had aligned when we first met. that this was it, he was going to be there forever bc he was meant to be with me. that everything in our lives had synchronised in such a perfect way and the possibility of us not being together was non existent. i believed that if we hadn't met that one night at a club in january of 2017, it would've happened either way. we would've met another time, at another club or at a park or in another country or a different year. but we would've found each other regardless bc we were meant to be together. and this belief kept me going. it kept me hoping that i just have to wait a little bit and it will all be perfect one day bc it was supposed to. but in the end, it was just a bad relationship. nothing more, nothing less. there was no magic or destiny or synchronicity. we were just in love and then it didn't work out. and that's it.

and then i thought about B's proposition of getting back together and actively working on trying to make it work, now that we both realised that our relationship was a bad one. and i actually believe that he's capable of change, despite what everyone says. (whether i want to get back together with him is a different question. and for now the answer is a definite no. but im just saying that in theory i know that he can put a lot of effort into things and change.) and i thought about some happy moments that we had together. not like extraordinary moments, but just little things that i enjoyed and wish we could've done more.

i remembered that one time when we were chilling in bed together and he went on instagram that he never used back in the day. and we looked at funny pictures of alpacas together and it made me laugh a lot. this moment lasted for maybe like 10 minutes. but if i ask myself the question "what does a perfect relationship look like" i think it's full of moments like this. just goofing around, laughing together, chilling and not thinking about anything else. and we barely had any moments like this with B, that's why that memory of us looking at alpacas on instagram stands out to me so much. i thought about how, if we do get back together, we'd make sure to have many moments like this. just cuddling in bed together and laughing. and then we'd kiss through the laughter and id feel his smile on my lips and we'd have sex and feel warm and in love. i thought about this scenario and started to touch myself. but then i remembered that ive had this fantasy scenario for years but... it never happened. this basic bare minimum scenario of cuddling with your boyfriend and smiling and having sex while being a happy and carefree couple never happened. it never happened.

it made me cry so much bc how many of what i believed were happy relationship moments were ever real? was our "insane sexual chemistry" that he'd always bring up ever real? throughout the five years of our relationship i had never ever initiated sex bc i felt so awkward about it. and so many times i just wanted it to end. i reread the stuff i posted on here throughout the years and it's just "im insecure in the bedroom", "my bf wants sex but i don't" over and over and over again.

so what does that mean? we had that one sweet moment while looking at alpacas on instagram, we went one that one cute walk in summer of 2021 that i really loved, we had a great trip to sarajevo in 2019, that at the moment was overshadowed by him trying to start a business... and that's it. that's literally it. that's the complete list of all fulfilling moments of our 5 year relationship. and yet i believed that it was written in the stars and that he was oh so perfect for me. like what was this all for? it's so astronomically absurd! all this frustration and suffering and all this never-ending hope, like what the hell was that? like it's astonishing how unhappy i was and yet it lasted for so long.

anyway, this whole thing is bothering me so much. nothing is clear, im very confused. and i just want it to be over.

[ugh154628]

Part 1 of "Cece's" response to my response to her first post:

Recap preview for context:

Context and things to be noted:

#1: First things first, "Cece" confirms her upset over me dating my ex, uses "Ricky's" real name etc. Her original excuse for harassing me as outlined in earlier posts.

#2: I actually did meet him in person through my friend Anabelle January 2016.

#3: She tells me I need to "sit the fuck down", as if she's not throwing a tantrum over me dating her ex boyfriend and has no right trying to step on us or control us for dating at the time. No, she needed to sit the fuck down. At the end of the day, no matter the circumstance, she doesn't get to go around spreading lies about people over some stupid jealousy bullshit, and she doesn't get to tell anyone they can't defend themselves against that behavior.

#4: Yeah, I literally said that we didn't hang out because she was tired in my post, but there were also other reasons we fell off as I explained before. We did talk about having out every now again, but we never really made actual plans. It was more like "we should hang out sometime" with no follow through. It never ultimately happened and we grew apart significantly, and it is a fact that I hadn't seen her since the month she bullied my friend in October 2017. I wasn't totally against the idea of hanging out, but I was also content with placing the distance I did. I just didn't outright say shit like that, especially to people who have proven to freak on others over petty shit in the past like she did my friend. I felt initimidated confronting her and just wanted to stay on good terms to avoid becoming a target. Because what she did to my friend was awful. It was shitty of me to be like that too and I will admit that. It wasn't genuine of me and it was also unsupportive toward my friend when "Cece" heavily wronged her. I think it came down to me being a heavy people pleaser back and I didn't like to confront people, say no, or open myself up to any level of conflict with others. I didn't want potentially opening the door to drama from rejecting a person. I didn't want to make people feel bad confronting them on their mistakes either. It wasn't healthy, but that's what it was. I outgrew that though.

#5: Yeah, she told Sam ("Ricky") and his friend about it an hour after I told her several times not to tell anyone about my friend, not even Sam. And with the "giant pool of teenagers, sex, and drugs".

Funny she admits that too, why was she -a 22 to 24 year old woman- hanging around all of those teenagers when she was dating Sam? Who was also a teenager at first? And yet, she's out here popping off saying I hang out with teenagers when I was actually hanging out with my adult coworker like that makes ME a predator? But damn, she was hanging out with an entire group of teens consistently in her 20s. And the one she bullied was literally 15, no one was fucking her over there in the first place. Just saying.

And then, her whole excuse that you need to tell the mom to pRoTeCt said teenagers LMAO. The same ones she said she hated most of the time she dated Sam ("Ricky") and actually bash on throughout this very status. Bullshit. She knew this teen had a crush on "Ricky" (Sam), when she was THIRTEEN and before they ever dated mind you, and even though she hadn't done anything to disrespect their relationship either, "Cece" started giving her weird stink eyes and making her feel uncomfortable when you used to go over there after Sam told you about having a crush on him in the past. My take with the bullying situation is she was just looking for a way to humiliate her and get her barred from going over there so Sam wasn't around her anymore and literally everyone in that house thought the same thing when all of this went down. She was being weird, jealous, conniving bitch. Go figure, lile we haven't seen that before.

But the thing is most people don't think like her. Most people aren't going to abandon there friend from getting an STD, from fucking assault on top of it let alone take the side of the chick cyberbullying her about it, and definitely not anyone from that friend because they're actually good people regardless of what her dumb ass totes about them. She is a vindictive fucking sociopath.

#6: Yeah no shit the teen wasn't nice. "CECE" ran her mouth when I told her not to tell anyone, which lead to a whole group of people knowing about my friend's situation when she was freshly grieving and not ready for everyone to know and not ready to talk to the world about it. "Cece" attempted to humiliate her, had intent seperate her from her support system, and then, took away HER right to tell her friend's when she was ready. Took away her being able to talk about it in her own time and not when she was very presently traumatized.

And she was 15. "Cece" was 25 at the time of her bullying this girl. Any normal adult would have just ignored messages from..."teenagers". That she was hanging around and then bullying as an adult woman. Can't stress that enough.

#7: She hardly remembers "Cece" picking her up that night because she was black out. She wasn't even the one that contacted her for a ride. "Ricky" actually asked "Cece" to take her to our friendfriend's.

His underlying reasoning for doing so was actually fucked, too. I'm not going to get into that much, but what happened after you took her to our friend's house was fucking fucked. I didn't know learn full details until after I broke up with him. The way he covertly uses all the women in his life all, in the same sitting, is actually disgusting. And "Cece" said Sam calls her easy and purposely treated her like shit, too? Well, that makes all of this even worse. Actually awful. Next level manipulative and evil to all parties.

#7: If Sam is such a truth-er now and neeeever lies now, even though "Cece" claimed he was the biggest liar all the time back then, that's really funny that she said he would consistently talk shit about his "best friend", the only one that stayed friends with him and that they're both sooo upset at me for hanging out with. As if it isn't a two way street. Like seriously, they can't threaten me not to talk to or hang out with people who... want to hang out with me themselves you. Fucking control freaks.

Oh, and if I'm such a terrible person why does his "best friend" still hang out with me a lot? Weird. And man, he was using everyone for rides to work? Makes me wonder why he really stopped coming around after I helped him get his license. Why it was only me over there most of the time and him never wanting to leave. I think "Cece" was right, he was and still is a fake fucking friend. Just a user and an abuser to anyone he calls a "friend". And you know, I heard about him ranting to some people in person about how the took on "Cece's" opinion that his "best friend's" mom was a "terrible person". And that's definitely the worst way he could probably betrayal that friend by the way. Gross and fake as fuck.

Oh and "Cece" goes on and on about how it was ME using him financially, even though I never fucking took money from him and paid half the bills? Because here, she's saying that's what HE actually does. That's hilarious.

So, that part of this status? I definitely don't think she was lying. She just only tells the truth when it's convenient for her and when she has her weird revenge schemes.

#8: I already explained the whole thing about my fling in the last parts before this, not getting into that again.

However, I will say that when that happened "Ricky" (Sam) and I weren't talking or interested in each other. Well, he was interested in me for God knows how long. Not for a few months after that did we start talking then dating. We only talked for a week before dating, too.

I wasn't actively trying to sleep around with people, shit just happened that way. And no, it wasn't gross of me to sleep with someone was I was single and not fucking talking to anyone. She can shut up about it.

And again, she had no way of knowing anything about any of this shit besides is Sam "told her". She didn't witness anything. She wasn't coming around And what he told her wasn't even true. I mean she says it herself here he's a huge liar though. Ope.

#9: Ah yes, the Halloween party story.

Back in 2016, I was dating someone else at the time. He was invited to a Halloween party, told me to come to it when I got off work. The hosts knew I planned on coming later, and as far as I knew they were fine with that.

Mind you, he was accompanied by another friend who was invited and told me felt a little weird about going to the party alone because he used to not get along with the hosts back then, but he figured he would put things in the past if they were open to that and go visit since a lot of his mutual friends would be there anyways. This becomes relevant later.

When I got off work, I went to the address he sent me. I waited in my car outside of the house until he could come out to get me because I'm not really comfortable with just walking into people's houses, let alone knocking on doors. Ten minutes go by and he hadn't called me or messaged me back. I start getting worried and message him a few more times. I ultimately drove back to his house where I was staying at the time and when I got inside I got a message from him to come back so I drove back.

I call him again when I get back there and he doesn't answer. I start to get annoyed and tell him he's upsetting me and I am about to cry. Then, I get some weird messages that say something like "awh you're crying, are you wet? I'm horny" or something like that. It didn't sound like how he would normally talk to me. Something felt off. I was extremely upset at this point and drove back home again. I was his ride home from the party though so I didn't know what I was going to do about all of this.

I get a video call after I got back to his house. I answer it and the person in the video wasn't my ex. It was someone I didn't recognize at all. In the background of the video, I see my ex stumbling around sloshed and slurring "where's my tablet". He sees this person has it and runs up and takes it from them, not even thinking about the fact someone was clearly just using his tablet. I don't think he realized what was going on because he just started asking me how was work, saying he loved and missed me, "why aren't you here yet", and stuff like that. I told him about how he didn't respond to me when I originally got there and when I came back he wasn't picking up the phone either and I was upset, and that I was upset about the other innappropriate messages he sent me too. And he goes "what do you mean I haven't messaged you for hours my tablet was on a charger and then I couldn't find it" and then he just starts going off about how drunk he was and how many jello shots he took, that he wanted to just go home, kept dropping his tablet on top of that. He wasn't coherent at all. I told him I would come back to pick him up but to please wait outside for me this time. He said he would but at this point I was worried about his condition and that he probably wouldn't.

I drove back a third time to get him. At this point I walked up to the side door and knocked. I could see my ex in the window, too. A girl dressed up like 11 from stranger things answered, I told her I was there to pick up my ex and asked if she could get him for me since he was basically blackout and probably wouldn't see my messages that I was there. She was nice to me, I pointed him out to her through the window, and she went in to go get him.

Then, one of the hosts named Taylor came to the door. I greeted her, told her his name and that I was his girlfriend, and I was there to pick up my ex. She starts telling me my ex wasn't there, which instantly made me feel weird because she knew who he was and I saw him there. I pointed at him through the window and showed her him and I's messages. She said "no, he's not here and you need to fucking leave". I told her I didn't understand what was going on and started to cry.

And side note? No. I'm not going to leave when my boyfriend is in your house, completely incoherent/vunerable, and especially when he had told me on video call that he wanted me to pick him up and go home minutes before. Especially not when he told me earlier he was previously on bad terms with these people and had felt a little weird about going over there. No, I'm not going to abandon anyone in a situation like that when I've been made responsible for getting them home. Definitely the fuck not.

However, I was just standing there crying and didn't know what to do, the girl started screaming and cussing at me more, then Ryan (her boyfriend at the time) came out of the house screaming at me, too. I tried to tell him the same thing I told her and he was screaming at me to get off the property. I told him I would once I was able to take my boyfriend home like asked me to and the dude proceeded to put his hands on me, push me down the driveway, even picked me up at one point. Mind you, I was 18 and a solid 105 pounds at the time. This guy was in his 30s, and a foot taller than me.

As this is happening, I see group of people coming out of the door pulling my ex out with them. I start screaming for him and try to run for him, and R grabs me and pulls me back. My ex sees this and starts screaming for me, he tries to run for me, the group of people hold HIM back, but we ultimately get away from them and run for each other. I hug him and R runs up to his and my ex puts his hand up to keep him away and yells "we're leaving" multiple times in a row.

At no point did I threaten to stab anyone. At no point did I go anywhere I wasn't told to come. How the fuck do you think I got the address in the first place. Because he messaged it to me hours before planning on me coming out, then ultimately just wanted to pick him up like he asked. I was just trying to pick up my boyfriend at the time and that was it. And they tried to gaslight me, telling me he wasn't there, while he was black out drunk and vunerable around people who "used to" hate him, and there was something off about that. There was something off about ALL of it.

When my ex and I get to my car and start driving, I tell him about the messages and what was sent and that I think someone took advantage of him being drunk to use his tablet. He started screaming at me to turn around to go "beat their ass", even opens my car door while I'm driving, and just saying, he was black out and that's not me trying to talk bad about him. He was just upset and his emotions were over the place because he had just drank too much and someone had been using his tablet with his knowledge to fuck with both of us. But mental breaks like that happen to the best of us, espeically when you drink too much. And jello shots are a dangerous game when you can't taste the alcohol in them and when you haven't eaten enough, which is how he explained his reasoning for taking so many. But it the drive home and what happened during it added to the trauma of this whole situation regardless.

By the time we get back he was extremely gone, busted his hand open punching the bathroom mirror and ended up passing out on the bed. His mom got involved at this point since it was actually her house. I told her I would watch him for the night, which good thing I did because he started puking in his sleep and I had to make sure I kept his head turned. I didn't sleep all night and went to work at 9am that morning.

When I got home from work, I walk into my ex with bruises forming all over his body, black eyes, and limping. He shows me he was sent snap chat videos that someone took of him getting beat up by multiple people at the party. There was a video of some girl named Lexi punching him in the face and kicking him, like seriously beating the fuck out of him. His ankle and knee were hurt so bad from it that he was on crutches for 2 months.

I had night terrors for weeks because of all this too. It was fucking awful. It still haunts me honestly. I just want to understand why all of that happened. And he was at least at the time traumatized by all of this too, although he doesn't remember any of it happening. He just saw the videos and obviously dealt with the physical injury that resulted from what those people did for months.

I really don't understand why all of that happened to this day, none of it makes any fucking sense and it really does sound crazy when I deacribe, but it did happen. My best guess is that these people still didn't like him and took advantage of him getting black put drunk to essentially haze him when he wasn't able to defend himself.

And what I do know is that I was told to pick him up there and I had every right and fucking reason to do so.

But yeah, these are the types of people "Cece" defends and befriends. Not surprised.

Also, something to be mentioned is that "Cece" talked major shit about Ryan from her own experiences when I told her that story and said she didn't doubt it happened. And I don't recall her defending me. She just said she believed it.

#10: I already explained that situation regarding my brother in a different post connected to and before this one, so not repeating myself.

#11: All I did was state the age she was when she went after him. Originally for a one night stand. When he was a minor and she was not, before any parental conset, and when he looked like he was actually 13 year old in his pictures at 16 on top of that. Doesn't matter if it was a "good" relationship, even though she said for years it was awful, he r*ped and abused her etc. juuust when him and I were together and took it all back when we weren't anymore and she got back with him. Like gee, I wonder why. I wonder why an ex girlfriend would try to cancel their ex boyfriend and his new girlfriend with wild accusations like that for years and then magically erase all of that happening when he's single again. Could it be jealousy? I think so.

"Good" relationship or not that shit was weird, her first intentions with him were weird, her being sexually attracted to photos of a teen that looked like a 13 year old and randomly messaging them for sex was weird, and even weirder is that she had a pattern of going after teenagers in general, including his teenage friends. Which again, she admitted the friends in "that house" (where his friends lived or hung out at) were all teenagers in this post by the way. And again, she comes after me for hanging out teenagers herself, even though the "teenagers" were actually adults and just a little younger than me. And I wasn't having sex with let alone any minors either. She did that though.

Part 2 here: