#I haven't read very far yet but there's been one scene where a person did assume someone's gender identity

[nerdnag]

I keep finding it so uncomfortable when people differentiate between women and men in my surroundings, and assume that some people are men and some are women. It's uncomfortable both because what if someone doesn't identify with whatever gender they may look like, and because why is it an important distinction in the first place?

Granted, there may be circumstances where it's relevant, but for context let me list some examples of what I mean. These are examples that I've experienced in the recent weeks:

When playing a game that requires two teams, someone suggested that the women should play against the men, and then when this ended up being the case, regular jokes were being made related to gender whenever someone made a bad play

At lunch, someone said "looks like we're all women here today"

Whenever someone who presents as a man has done something stupid or whatever (whether a celebrity or just a regular person), it's common for people to tie that stupidity to the fact that the person is "a man". This seems like a tactic that's sometimes used in order to gain social benefit with women. For example, ending a story about something stupid someone did by going, "ugh, men"

It's also common to hear people mention someone's gender in a story they're telling as though the gender is relevant to the story, when usually it really isn't relevant at all. For example, "... and then she did X and Y, which isn't strange at all because she's a woman, and then he said Z ..."

I know these are innocent things people do and say, and they likely aren't even aware that it can be uncomfortable for some people. Maybe for people who strongly identify as either gender it can even be affirming to have people say these things. I just wish I knew a good way to say that it's making me uncomfortable without having it become a big thing or making them think I'm overreacting

[cripplecharacters]

Feel free not to answer this question as it's more a research-type question, I'm just not sure how to go about finding what I need: do you happen to know any fiction books with portrayals of medium to high support autistic people that are considered realistic and positive? All I can find is rep of low support autistic ppl (unless it's in semi-educational children's books) and it's making it harder to figure out how to write medium to high support autistic ppl myself.

Hello!

When I was diagnosed, it was before the levels were used (Or at least before they were used where I lived). I suspect that I would be considered 'level one autistic' today but would likely have been 'level two', bridging into 'level three' as a child. This is all just to explain my perspective with this.

That being said, here are some of my recommendations:

A Step Toward Falling by Cammie McGovern

I just finished this book earlier today and while it isn't specifically about autistic characters, it does feature several autistic characters with high support needs as well as other disabled characters. The book is written from the perspective of two characters, one of which is developmentally disabled (Belinda). Although her disability is never specified, I do see a lot of autistic traits in Belinda. The premise of this book is a bit heavy. It's about two characters (Who are not disabled) who end up volunteering at a centre for adults with developmental disabilities. One of the things I appreciated about this book was how well rounded the characters are. Each of them has their own stories, interests, and ideas. I also like how it discussed sex and relationships in the context of people with developmental disabilities. Something to note is that this does have some sensitive topics such as ableism, sexual assault, and bullying. It is also written by a parent of an autistic child but, as far as I'm aware, the author herself is abled. I did have some conflicted feelings about specific parts of it but I'll leave that for you to make your own decisions about. Target Audience: Young Adult

How to Speak Dolphin by Ginny Rorby

I also read this book recently and I personally really disliked it. There were several scenes that made me feel very gross and I found that the autistic character was dehumanized very often. One line that stuck with me was another character about a blind character, essentially saying, "I thought she was going to drown herself. If I was blind, that's what I would do." Although the character does get to know the blind character and changes her mind, it really felt awful to read and seemed so unnecessary -- especially given the target audience. The way it talks about blindness in general bugs me. That being said, I have seen several autistic people recommending the book (Which was why I read it in the first place) so I'll include it here anyways since my opinion seems to be in the minority around this book. Target Audience: Elementary/Middle Schoolers This is a brief review from another autistic person. [Link]

Planet Earth is Blue by Nicole Panteleakos

This book centers around Nova, a young autistic girl with high support needs. Nova is a foster child who is missing her older sister and the story is told through a mix of narrative, letters to Nova's sister, and flashbacks. It's been a while since I've read this book but I remember really enjoying it (And maybe crying a little bit too). The author is autistic herself and also consulted many other autistic people with a variety of experiences, which I appreciated. Target Audience: Middle Schoolers This is a more in-depth review on the book from a reader who (I believe) is also autistic. [Link]

These are also a couple books that I've seen recommended but can't personally recommend as I haven't read them myself yet:

Real by Carol Cujec

Remember Dippy by Shirley Reva Vernick

I know it's not very much but hopefully it's enough to get you started! If anyone has any recommendations for anon, feel free to mention them in the notes.

Cheers,

~ Mod Icarus

[gwenllian-in-the-abbey]

How different book!Aegon is to his show version ? I keep seeing this take that they're so different but i couldn't see it in your fics i feel like they are the same even though i didn't read the book, maybe you write mix of both?

Hi anon, good question! Here's the thing. F&B has no internality for any of the characters whatsoever. That means we don't know what they're thinking, what they're feeling, or even their true motivations, not from their own POV. We know their actions and some of their words, but even these are secondhand. The only of our F&B sources who would have had much to do with Aegon personally would have been Eustace and Orwyle, and they have their own agendas. When we get told that Aegon "raged and drank" after B&C, for example, we don't know what was going through his head, we just know he was upset. F&B sadly doesn't give us any excerpts from letters or journals to tell us where his mind is at, so there really is no one fixed "book!Aegon" as far as his personality goes. Just as with any historical figure (and all the characters in F&B really) we don't really get a full picture of the person as an individual, so we have to create our own, just like Ryan Condal did, just like Tom Glynn-Carney did. That's just the nature of Fire and Blood.

There are a few concrete differences between show!Aegon and book!Aegon. He's slightly younger in the show, with a smaller age difference between himself and his nephews and a larger age difference between himself and Rhaenyra. In the book he was not friends with Jace or Luke because he was a good 7 years older than Jace, so he's more distant from his nephews. He was a hedonist in the book, a glutton and an alcoholic who got handsy with the maids and had affairs, but he was not textually a rapist. The child fighting pit story also came from Mushroom, who is not a reliable source. He supposedly had a "sullen look about the eyes and a pouty mouth," and was "quick to anger and slow to forgive" (almost the exact same words which were used about Rhaenyra, interestingly enough); he was handsome, was said to resemble Viserys in his youth, but he did not "look like a warrior." I think physically, Tom Gynn-Carney quite fits the description, although book!Aegon was maybe a bit chubbier? But even though he might not have been a swordsman, he was an excellent dragonrider and has a strong bond with Sunfyre. Although he was considered lazy before the war, he did care for his family; he did not try to run away, but he did at first resist being crowned until Criston Cole convinced him that his family would be killed if Rhaenyra and her bastard sons were allowed to take the throne. That's Viserys arranged his marriage to Helaena in the book, not Alicent, and like in the show, they were both very young when it happened, but we don't really know how they felt about it. We do know that his relationship with Helaena was probably not terrible because they did share a room before Blood and Cheese happened, and the aftermath of Blood & Cheese makes it pretty clear he feels something for them. Certainly he pays attention to their wellbeing because it's stated that after Blood and Cheese he had to take Maelor from Helaena and give him to Alicent to raise (Helaena wasn't taking proper care of him due to her depression). This is specifically attributed to Aegon, not Alicent or Otto or anyone else. In the show we haven't seen his relationship with his children yet, but he does look very upset in scenes following B&C.

The thing is, there's a LOT we don't know about book!Aegon, especially pre-war Aegon, and a lot of what people consider "changes" are headcanons, especially when it comes to Aegon's personality. There is definitely a contingent of fans that sees Aegon as some sort of gigachad dudebro and takes offense at the show's portrayal of him as a bit of a wet cat basketcase who wants love and validations. I too have seen the posts about how we were "robbed" of book!Aegon, but this is not a show!Rhaenyra vs. book!Rhaenyra type thing in which they gave her a whole new backstory, we just don't really know much at all about pre-war Aegon. Maybe he was an ultra confident sugar daddy type, instead of a bit of a fuckup. People are certainly free to headcanon however they like. But there's so-far nothing in the book that seriously contradicts the personality the writers and TGC have given show!Aegon either, because book!Aegon steps up and acts with courage and resilience only after experiencing horrific, life-changing events. We won't know how that affects show!Aegon's personality until season 2 and beyond air.

As for show!Aegon, I think a lot of how he's been characterized on the show does make sense based on what we know of him from the book. How would it feel to be the only eldest trueborn son of the king in history to be passed over as heir? Not good! In fact, it would probably result in some pretty low self worth. Mommy issues? Daddy issues? He doesn't feel good enough for either of them, and actively loathes Viserys. Self destructive behaviors? Checks out, that's straight from the book anyway. The book tells us he's lazy and we indeed see him lying around, sleeping in, not attending training. Didn't want to marry his sister? Makes sense given Alicent probably has a stronger influence on him than Viserys does. But again, so far we've only gotten 2 episodes of adult show!Aegon and a bit from the previews. For better or for worse, his show character has a lot of room to develop still. I am very interested to see what the show does with him post Rook's Rest because that's when Aegon really starts to become interesting in the book.

But is there some stuff that's inconsistent? Sure, and some of it is quite important. For instance, although it might have been a pure fight or flight response, Aegon running away in episode 9 gave many viewers the impression he didn't care about his family, including his kids. I don't know if the showrunners really intended this or not, but they're the reason he agrees to be crowned in the book so that's clearly a change. The child fighting pits were also a bizarre choice for one of the few major players in the Dance for canonically does not kill any children, and even spares Aegon III. Making Aegon a rapist gave many viewers the impression that all of his sexual encounters must be nonconsensual and so we get takes about how Aegon sexually assaults Helaena, when that's just not at all suggested by what's in the book. I think you can justify the choices the the showrunners made here, but they do lead to some contradictions between show and book.

The thing with writing book canon is that you can do for yourself what the showrunners of HotD did, and fill in the gaps in canon with what makes sense to you based on book events. So I'd say that rather than being a mix of book and show canon, the way I write Aegon ( together with @aifsaath in OFCIR) is a mix of book!Aegon along with what can reasonably derived from book's content. Some of that certainly matches up with how the show has so far decided to portray Aegon, but there are some differences too!

[my-mt-heart]

Where's Daryl?

This was very difficult to write. It opened up a lot of old wounds for me, so if you read this, thank you. If my thoughts on this show haven’t been your cup of tea, that’ll most definitely be the case here as well, so maybe just move along. ***Trigger warning for discussion of childhood abuse***

For about a year and a half, Caryl fans asked Where's Carol? as a pointed reminder that the spinoff was always meant to be hers just as much as it was Daryl’s. Even though she's back now, her fans didn't always know she would be (nor did the EP's 🙄) so her absence during filming and promotion of the first season was a heavy burden to bear. The irony is, though “Daryl Dixon” sticks out like a sore thumb in that ridiculous font, he's the one who feels absent sometimes, as if important parts of his character development were lost when he washed ashore while other parts come and go as the plot demands.

Zabel talks about swapping Daryl's iconic vest for "old man" suspenders as a matter of pragmaticism i.e. they were the only clean clothes available. Norman says it was a choice he wanted for some unclear reason, but neither of them seem to consider the intelligence of their audience, particularly Carylers, to see it more symbolically. The costume change is our visual reminder that Daryl isn't himself. In some scenes he's chattier than he should be, far more trusting of strangers with personal details, and far more theatrical. Then in others, the differences are even more alarming. He calls a child cruel names, puts his hands on him, and feels conflicted about returning home to his family, to the woman he said he loved.

I mentally prepared myself for retcons, but the one I'm struggling with a lot right now, which I haven't seen anyone bring up yet, is the retcon of Daryl’s childhood abuse. Daryl tells Isabelle that he and Merle had to take apart engines and if they couldn't put them back together, their dad wouldn't let them have dinner. It's a milder version of the stories the scars on his back tell us, though I can buy Daryl omitting the worst of it like he did in the pilot. What I can't buy is Daryl saying his dad was "hardly ever" around and emphasizing it as the main source of his pain growing up. It feels contradictory for one thing. When we see Daryl's scars for the first time in S3 of the flagship show, it's implied Daryl was trapped in an environment that enabled his dad to physically hurt him often. Presumably that's why Merle felt guilty about leaving him behind. The revelation also seems like it's only intended to highlight the consequences of an absent father figure, explaining Daryl's fear of not making it home, but also justifying his "close" bond with Laurent. The best stories allow a character's emotions to drive the plot, but this just does the opposite, twisting Daryl's backstory to fit the current narrative.

Daryl's backstory made so many people root for him in the first place. It allowed Carol to see him when nobody else in the group could. It helped me process my own childhood trauma. The ways I got to watch him overcome his violent past gave me hope that masculinity could mean more than what I grew up around—more than anger, shouting, and swinging fists. Daryl taught me that men could still be tender, kind, and loving even if those closest to them in their childhood never showed them how. I imagine Daryl's representation has been important to boys and men too, specifically to those who were afraid to speak up about their abuse because of the stigma around it. The implications of this scene may not be easily noticeable to some, but they are to me, and I'm deeply offended by it.

I’ve talked at length on this blog about how it takes a village to make or break a show, though it’s usually the showrunner who has to answer for it. I've already mentioned that I do blame Zabel. His knowledge of French history has no value when he obviously didn’t bother to study Daryl’s history aside from reading old scripts and (maybe) watching the first couple seasons. That's incredibly irresponsible and terrifying for S2. I also blame AMC for their short-sightedness and their determination to save face no matter how much it costs them. I blame Gimple for his pettiness. I blame Greg Nicotero for his insensitivity to Melissa and her fans.

As for Norman, he's hinted very loudly that he wants credit for the show being "different," so in theory he should be prepared to take some of the blame too. I can't name all of the decisions he specifically made, but no matter what they were, I can blame him for not speaking up about the shipbaiting, Daryl's wavering loyalty, and the childhood abuse retcon, all things that hurt his character and hurt the fans. I genuinely don't know what else to think other than Norman didn't give either the consideration they deserve. The show has been treated like nothing more than a vanity project, and it’s unfortunate when you think about what he and AMC had to gain from the original Caryl spinoff.

I love the version of Daryl I knew before this whole mess, I love Carol, and I love the relationship between them. I want them to have the story they deserve in S2. At the moment, I don’t know how to reconcile that with the agony I feel over the damages to half of my two favorite characters. If Carol is going to cross the Atlantic ocean to find Daryl, I want him to be the man who threatened to punch holes in all the boats so she couldn’t leave and the man who told her he loved her before—ironically—leaving himself. I need to hear Daryl admit he hasn't been completely honest with the French characters, not because he was afraid of getting too close to them, but because he didn't want to face the pain of potentially living without Carol and TF. I need to hear him say that he can't be Laurent's father, which is okay because the kid has plenty of other family to take care of him. I need to hear him say, out loud, that he could never love another woman romantically because he's already in love with Carol. That's what I need to feel better about this story. That's where my investment is. I feel like Carol is safe in Melissa's hands, but I don't feel like I have anyone to rely on for Daryl. That’s a big problem because their stories are so intertwined. There’s no Daryl without Carol nor Carol without Daryl. If you ruin one of them, you risk ruining both of them, and that’s a possibility I really can’t bear.

[ingravinoveritas]

Hello! I hope you are doing fine! I am *definitely* going to add to you overflowing askbox, so I apologise in advance.... (I didn't know where to post this, and I seriously don't know how to feel about this post)

Hi there! I...wow. Okay, I clearly turned off my Anons just in time, or at the worst possible time (I'm not sure which). But this was a hell of a thing to see first thing this morning, and after seeing the notes on that post, I think this person was right to send this question via a throwaway account, because they knew they would get flamed for it.

First of all, whether or not this person should have even asked Neil this question is entirely up for debate. GO season 2 is done, it's in the can and about to be released, so it's not as if there is anything Neil can do about Peter and Ty being in it. I can also understand Neil likening this person's concern about the casting to people saying prior to GO season 1 that it was a huge mistake to cast Michael and David. I could see him equating the two, in his mind, and feeling like this is déjà vu all over again and thusly responding from that vantage.

However...I'm really at a loss as to his opening sentence, in which he describes the person's question as "creepy." I've read and reread the person's question multiple times, and for my part, I did not think there was anything creepy about this question. The person seemed to take great care in asking it--especially with English not being their first language--and did not make any threats toward anyone, nor say anything inappropriate (again, as far as I could tell). This leads me to think that Neil very deliberately used that word, setting the stage for and tacitly encouraging what he alluded to but did not say aloud--that this person is silly and stupid for asking a seemingly harmless question and deserves to be treated accordingly.

There was one part of the person's question that Neil homed in on (and that seems to be a common refrain in the notes and on Twitter), which was that this person cannot separate the characters from the actors, nor tell fiction from reality. Yet I also did not get this feeling from their question, and was taken aback by Neil seemingly twisting around what the person was actually trying to say. The specific focus on this part of the question also seemed to serve the purpose of steering discussion away from the heart of the person's question, which was about nepotism. And it's here, at this particular point, that Neil's response does not really seem to stand up to scrutiny.

First of all, the comment about "a season that hasn't even been commissioned in parts that haven't been written" is disingenuous at best, as not even a week ago, it was Neil himself who said that Georgia was offered a part in season 2. So this is not really a hypothetical concern, as Georgia actually was offered a part. I also thought it was interesting that Neil conveniently did not mention the bonus episode of Sandman, in which both Georgia and Anna had voice roles in scenes with their respective partners. So again, not a hypothetical, but something that actually previously happened. And in both these cases, it does not seem that an audition was required, but rather that the roles were offered to Georgia and AL because they happened to be there/it simplified things since Sandman was recorded during Covid times.

Another thing that has been overlooked was David himself at the Basingstoke Comic Con this past weekend being asked about his favorite scene in GO 2. After mentioning that his son is in the scene, David also says his father-in-law (Peter) is in the show. The interviewer then asks, "And your wife and your neighbor?" to which David's response is "They are not in it, but it’s a sore point, so don’t dwell on it." I thought that was an interesting choice of words, because if everything involving offering Georgia a part did go exactly the way Neil described, why would it be a sore point? If Georgia researched the role and had absolutely no compunction about turning it down, why would she be annoyed or upset? It seems like something small, I know, but it just makes me question some of the things we're being told.

In terms of Peter and Ty's roles, I do understand that Peter is a fixture on the acting landscape in the UK, so I fully get Neil offering him a part, but I find his answer regarding Ty to be extremely dubious, at best. Neil and David have been friends since 2017--so, six years now--and is he truly expecting us to believe that he has no idea what David's son looks like? Even if they haven't had occasion to meet in person, does it really make sense that David would have never shown him a picture? Especially given how he beams with pride when talking about Ty and his accomplishments. Also, I realize the days of traditional audition tapes are long gone, but does it seem at all plausible that Neil wouldn't have seen Ty's name on the clip he watched, or that if he'd seen the name "Ty Tennant," it wouldn't have rung a bell?

But rather than address any of this, Neil--for reasons I can only begin to guess--decided to respond to this person as condescendingly and dismissively as possible. The bit about "shattered the fragile illusion and revealed to people that the David Tennant and Michael Sheen who play Crowley and Aziraphale are actors" was beyond insulting (as if we don't know that Michael and David are actors?), but what really grates my cheese is the fact that it opened the door to people in the notes accusing people who have had concerns about these issues of being "in an echo chamber." I would argue that the people who are somehow not aware of these concerns are the ones actually living in an echo chamber, because there has been a LOT of talk about this ever since Neil shared that cropped photo two months ago. (Also, I am aware that a combined 146 votes is by no mean a representative sample of an entire fandom, but if the results of the two polls I recently posted are any indication, a lot of people seem ambivalent (in the case of Ty and Peter) or outright against (in the case of Georgia and AL) these casting choices.)

Overall, I would say that I am deeply disappointed in this type of response from someone I've always thought was a brilliant writer and a really cool guy. I fully acknowledge that Neil can say whatever he wants, of course, but it's really strange to me that someone who has been so tight-lipped and "wait and see" about everything GO 2 up until now is suddenly delving into details. For months, Neil gave no answers regarding a trailer or character names or even a crumb of plot, so I'm just downright confused as to why these particular questions merited an answer. Neil could've even simply said, "Your concern is noted and appreciated, but everything is fine", or not answered this question at all (which I think probably would've been the better route), but instead, he went the way he did, and here we are.

So those are pretty much my thoughts on this whole thing. I am still looking forward to GO season 2, but this has definitely colored my perceptions to a degree. I guess we'll see what happens...

[wildflowerteas]

first half of our tsp ch15 reactions!!

i make such a big deal of sitting down to respond to these it's so. i have a fresh pot of tea ( Japanese sweet potato and chestnut with black sugar and some cookies, but that's beside the point ) and my hair is washed and my paper outlines are done and i can devote all my attention to giggling at my laptop screen like a freak. okay lets do this STARTING WITH SKK. and Orphydice. Because to love is to turn around. God . . . i really hope my insanity about dazai's suicidality in this fic shows. it's so complicated that it's got my brain going around in circles--at the start of the fic he's just burning through life and his job for mori, hoping that once everything is resolved and the people he loves are safe, he can kill himself as punishment for everything that he's done. but then he meets Chuuya, and suddenly he can feel good and useful for a reason and in a way that isn't so violent, and living for the sake of feeling that is enticing. but at the same time, he keeps pushing, slipping up, losing control, killing, and saying things that are almost incriminating because he wants Chuuya to know him and wants to see what he'll do when he does.

"falling for it just the way he's supposed to" (^_^)

TALS THESTJHGSA! THE TheTJSHJJA Yes they haven't said I Love You out loud yet because even though they're very clearly far gone, that would be too real for the both of them

Gun and No Badge . . . yeah. He was wearing his badge when he went home with Chuuya that first night. ALSO YEAH I realized as I was writing that this is the second New Year's kiss I've written??? how did we end up here . . .

sskk * explodes into red mist**

Woah picking up on the accent mention???? yes. Atsushi's gotten better at it, and at assimilating, but his first language is Japanese like Kouyou. The fact that you know nothing about TSP Atsushi is 100% intentional. even within the story, he's unknown to almost everyone. he's the golden boy at the precinct but there have been no mentions of his previous education, his time at the academy, or where he grew up ( beyond what he mentions himself in his POV ). The character that knows him best, and who he's revealed the most to is actually Mori if you can believe it. Most of the other characters are content to tell him things because of his open nature, and they don't even notice that the conversation is one-way until after it's over.

THE CROSSWORD. CRAZY. YOU'RE THE FIRST PERSON TO NOTICE THAT. Yes...it's a gambling term. And the opposite is 'All on Black'

'fic author made for me' . . . (￣▽￣*)ゞ blushing and giggling and kicking my feet. WAIT WHYAM I GETTING CURSED?

that party image is exactly what it feels like when i see that I've been name-dropped in the discord gc.

i left the way they ended the night of new year's up to interpretation, because anything could have happened, really. they could have snuck off and left their dates behind to be in each other's company ( kouyou and yosano were bound to meet, anyway, considering Dazai's payment for her coming with him to the party was drinks at the Double Black -- which is coming up soon!! ). Or they could have gone back to the party, Dazai trying to shake off the feeling of having forgotten about something important, too caught up in the relief of having convinced Chuuya of his innocence. they really are unsalvageable, and were bound to end up like this regardless.

"you're an angel." was 100% intentional and you will be seeing it again because I'm insane

'I feel like the party was some fucked up fever dream' <- EXACTLY HOW IT WAS SUPPOSED TO FEEL. THATS WHY I STARTED THE NEXT SKK SCENE ON A CLASSIC ‘WAKING UP' MOMENT. OOHHH MY GOD THANK GOODNESS.

aha . .. ha..

anyway.

THANK YOU FOR READING!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[kbookblurbs]

A Court of Silver Flames - Sarah J. Maas

2/5 - Don't read if you're not willing to re-write in your head as you go or if you actually like well-written fantasy

I'll be honest, this was my second time through this book. Upon the reread, I had already erased so much of the plot from my memory that it was as if I was reading for the first time. Anyways ...

All the usual Maas problems are here. Weirdly written gay relationships (if there are any), oversexualization of bisexual people, transphobic undertones, retconning characters to being PoC (lucien) a la JK Rowling (or no PoC characters at all), misogyny, CRAZY levels of toxic masculinity, plot holes, etc.

This book is mostly sex and characterization retcons. I really enjoyed Nesta's character arc, the Valkyries, and sometimes Cassian and Azriel, but everything to do with Feyre left a bad taste in my mouth. Favorite scene, no question, was Nesta's dance with Eris in the Night Court. That was the first scene where I felt they actually gave Nesta skills and a personality beyond bitter alcoholism.

That said, the cons of this book far outweigh the pros. As always, Maas' writing is a breeze to get through just because it's not particularly difficult prose, but her insistence (in this novel and in other books) on using Female/Male and weird gender essentialism is at best irritating and at worst actively detracting from the novel. The entire pregnancy plotline could (and arguably should) be removed from this book. It doesn't add anything to Nesta's journey, paints Rhysand and Feyre in a really bad light, and is frankly an incredibly stupid plot choice. You have magic, can shapeshift, and have indoor plumbing but C-sections haven't been invented yet? Really? The whole scenario is incredibly contrived and I actively skipped scenes dealing with it if I could. The entire Inner Circle acts immature, judgemental, and unforgiving, despite their own insistence to the contrary. Elain also still has no personality. I was also confused by the whole "Maybe Rhysand should be High King of Prythian" subplot like ... huh?? Where did that even come from??

The book tops itself off by using one of my least favorite tropes in fantasy, which is when women, usually main characters, have to give up all their power at the end of the story. Maas is very fond of this plotline. She does the same thing with Aelin in the Throne of Glass series. Personally, I find this trope to be misogynistic and often evidence of poor writing to neatly wrap up the end of a story, regardless of whether the choices post-power-loss are in character.

The version of this story that I was re-writing in my head, which cuts the weird bitterness between Cassian and Nesta and Feyre's pregnancy entirely (she's 19????) while expanding on her powers and letting her keep them, is much more interesting. But alas, that is NOT the version on page. Unless you (like me) had it downloaded on your Kindle and an 8-hr plane ride to kill, I wouldn't bother if you're seriously interested in reading fantasy.

[lostberryqueen]

My Eileen Essay (with lots of spoilers!)

(Just a note: I haven't read the book yet.)

When I got to the end of this movie, as soon as Rebecca said she had someone locked in the basement--the entire thing felt ruined for me. I was disappointed further when Rebecca didn't show--leaving Eileen to take the blame for the crime that Rebecca had manipulated her into, and then hitchhike out of town.

The movie stayed with me long after I left the theatre, and that is when I began to appreciate it as art. We see so many details of Eileen's life, so vivid and real.

I also have so many unanswered questions. Why didn't Eileen push the car into the pond, or set it on fire? Did she want the body to be found? It seems like when Rebecca didn't show, she decided not to blame her father--maybe deciding that at least he wasn't as bad as some parents. Instead of trying to hide the body though, she leaves it in her favorite spot, where if people find it, they are likely to suspect that she committed the crime. Is this because in some way, she's proud of what she did? I mean, at the end of the movie, she smiles.

Does Eileen realize that Rebecca drew her into her crime, and essentially tricked her into taking the blame for it? Does she believe it is her fault?

This film was set in the 1960s which means that Eileen could have read The Price of Salt. Although the trailer implied that this would have a less than happy ending, I still went into the movie with the hope that any of the crimes committed wouldn't be by Eileen or Rebecca. In the trailer it heavily implies that the thing Eileen can't tell anyone about is Rebecca's sexuality, so I do feel that the trailer misrepresents what the movie is about. Initially it seems really cruel for this movie to come out during Carol season. The season where we queers celebrate Patricia Highsmith's groundbreaking novel with a happy ending for two women in love, at a time when the only books that really got published about women who love women essentially followed the format of Eileen: one woman tricks another into lesbianism and moral degeneracy which ultimately ends in tragedy. The thing is though, I bet some of those books were written by lesbians, lesbians who couldn't get anything with a happy ending published. This sort of story that Eileen tells is a part of lesbian culture, a part of our history, finally getting to be shown on screen. So while I have to say that it is a depressing remainder that our culture hasn't really come that far in terms of accepting LGBTQ+ people, I also can't say that I wish the movie didn't exist. I think it has value as art. I just also think that it's a shame that we can't have more lesbian movies with happy endings.

On a more personal note, I have met many women like Rebecca (although fortunately for me, none of the situations involved anything sticky in a basement) and so the experience of being used and discarded by an attractive older woman is very familiar to me. In a way it's nice to see that on screen. Still, this is one of those movies that I'll be obsessively wishing for a better ending to.

I feel like their definitely could have been a more clever twist than Rebecca committing a crime and then tricking Eileen into helping her "complete it" so to speak. If instead, the ending scene had taken place in an office, with a threat but no real gun pointed at the confessing woman--it would have felt more real, less gimmicky. Eileen could leave her empty car by the pond, and hitchhike away--not because she'd committed a crime, but because Rebecca had rejected her, and she wanted to get on to her real life. All this stuff with guns is very dramatic, but a more skilled writer wouldn't need a gun or a main character randomly committing a crime to deliver emotional impact.

This is definitely the kind of movie that you're glad you watched alone in a near empty theatre. I got the perfect seat for viewing it too. There were some couples who went, and I could just feel their awkwardness and disappointment. They probably were fooled into thinking it was a romantic queer movie too.

[darkenforcer]

2 FROM EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THOSE PLEASE

QUESTIONS FOR THE MUN || accepting !

What caused you to start writing? What was your key point?

reading and writing have always been hobbies of mine, so when i learned i could write as the fictional characters i love? with other people!? i was so down!

i don't remember what keyed me in on it, though? i used to play pretend (it was just LARPing, lbr) on the playground until i was around 11, so maybe it kinda clicked in my mind that writing was the natural next step? no clue.

Do you tell your friends / family that you write?

KINDA... i tell people i write with a community online and create "collaborative stories," but i never refer to it as rp or go in-depth unless i know that person's also done it before / is in similar fandom spaces.

Are you happy with how your favorite canon muse was portrayed in canon?

sure, i don't have any major complaints about his writing! it's consistent and fun to compare how differences in the localization shift the tone of certain character/rship-building scenes, while still managing to keep the spirit of his character intact. my only "issue" is that they could've put more time into expanding his character arc in the third act (but the same can be said for every character... a fumble all around tbh).

Have you ever written a canon muse that you first thought of ‘meh’ when they appeared in their canon show/movie/book?

NOPE! can't do it. if i'm not weird about that fictional character from the start, it's very unlikely i'll ever put the effort into forcing myself to write them. i need that click! that spark!

How do you create an OC? What are your steps for developing an OC?

i haven't developed an oc in yearssss so i'm the last person anyone should be asking. uh... (1) be a preteen, (2) develop an insane normal fictional crush, and (3) make an oc to ship them with. bam.

Who was your first OC?

i made my first in-depth oc when i was a wee 9 year old... she started out as a self-insert sonic oc that i obviously had to ship with sonic and shadow bc, duh. i also forced my cousins to make ocs so we could roleplay together lol.

i had more before that one but they were basically just vague roles i slipped into when playing pretend with my friends.

Is there any fandom you regret exploring?

can i say all of them njgnjg i think every fandom out there has its subset of annoying fans who'll make you reconsider ever interacting with anyone you haven't personally vetted lol, even if briefly. for example -- just bc of its infamy -- i never interact with sonic fans outside my circle; i've seen way too many pointless debates and shitty opinions to risk venturing out there again...

In what fandom did you start?

i am SO glad sonic was the first because the ones after it are infinitely more embarrassing.

What are your favorite ships on here (feel free to tag?)

OOO good question!!! i'll start by saying i've been rooting for break/zhilan since day 1 -- love those goobers!! other than that, i enjoy seeing any ship get together on here, like lloyd/zelos, vash/wolfwood (both iterations), nicolette/wang yi... if you're shipping with someone just now i'm hooting 'n hollering whenever they interact.

Have you ever developed a ship based on writing with a certain other character / mun?

nope, not yet! it's not that i'm against developing ships after noticing chemistry betwen muses -- far from it! -- it's just never gotten to the point where i wrote one.

What’s something you find weird on here?

i can't think of anything in particular, so... tumblr's commitment to making their layout as annoying as unoriginal and bloated as possible.

What people make you happy when you see them on the dash?

commence the taggening... you (duh), @kleinstar, @moraypower, @hollowfaith, @cladinivcry, @ultimatelifefcrm, @innerbeast, @nicawlette, @twohundredpower, @spiderstaff, @lalaluuz, ... i can't keep tagging people i'll go on forever...

[sorryimananti-romantic]

you really got me thinking now about what i even like lmao. i'm really not very picky with tropes, tags, genres or shy of warnings, very much someone who will give everything a read at least once and see where i end up.

it's usually all thanks to the author's own way of writing, planning, detailing and imagination that has me continue reading their works - so it's really not me exaggerating when i tell you, you (and loren btw.) won't disappoint me since your writing gets better and better the more i read. <3

if i wanted to pitch some ideas to you, i might just have to dust off my own archive from when i used to write years ago lmao i'm sure i can find unfinished wips and mapped brainstorms somewhere neglected inbetween paragraphs lol but to maybe give a general idea or inspo so far..

my favorite ateez songs (you haven't written for yet) are: illusion, with u, to the beat, don't stop, halazia (outlaw, empty box)

my favorite yumi discography fics (currently at least) are: hala hala, dazzling light, horizon (duh), deja vu, be with you. guerilla, new world

genres/tags/tropes/aus i tend to be drawn towards: angst, slow burn, suggestive, corruption/manipulation/betrayal, hurt/trauma, comfort/fluff, mythology, thrillers, forbidden love, enemies to lovers, past life regression, paranormal/supernatural, like witchy/faerie/demonic elements just to name a few..

atz bias line: hongjoong🐿️ yunho🐶 wooyoung🦊 jongho🐻

damn.. after all there are things that i like and the more i write down the more strings connect, just gotta let it cook on low heat for now ig lol

○ chron 🃏

you're just like me then (most of the times when i want to read i dont even look at the wc/warnings and then sometimes i stumble upon sth traumatic (like a few things in smut that i don't like) and i'll be like ehh *continues to read it anyway pretending that part/scene didn't happen LOL*

honestly the two of us appreciate you so much AHAHA whenever you reblog one of our works and we read it we're like "hey did you see chron reblogged your fic" and then we're all :')) for a while AHAHAHA. i hope our writing never disappoints!

YOU USED TO WRITE HELLO? give me the key to the archives i need to see that right neowww LOL but okay of the songs that you like that i haven't written for yet, i have a few ideas for some of them [ateez come with new songs so quick i am convinced i can never write for all songs they have and that makes me SO SAD]

i'm honestly surprised dazzling light is a fav of yours (it's an old work and i personally think it's cringe as the writer LOL) but i see you have a thing for fantasy/royal-medieval i see the pattern hehe and you've got quite the taste chron i love that

i've honestly been wanting to cook up some fantasy bc it's been a while (says i who's written far too much fantasy) and i have one idea for san which i'm not really feeling yet (perhaps brain will be back to work after the break) and i have a really spicy flavourful fic for yunho planned whenever i feel like writing it but i'll try to think of more plots!

we can both let it cook, we have some time huehuehe and good things come to those who wait (pls i hope i get some good ideas after the break) but anyways if anything comes to mind or anything inspires you, lemme know! i'll see what i can do with it <33 and thank you for this <33

[artsimpourtzi]

Hi! I've read the Silo books too!! I loooove them so much!!

I'm very much enjoying the show as its own thing, like trying to see it as an alternate version of the books, so far it's working okay haha like basically my thinking is that the show has made changes that so far I find fairly interesting (even though I need Lucas back 😭) and I'm curious as to where they're planning on going with those changes, so I'm along for the ride even though it doesn't exactly adapt the books as I imagined them. Tbh personally the changes that bothered me the most were in season 1 (the flamekeepers? And mechanical knowing about the machine at the bottom when I loved the scene of Juliette digging it up and the whole silo thinking she's crazy 😂 ! Also I made my peace with Lucas not being Bernard's shadow because I thought in S2 we would get him meeting with Walker and maybe using her radio to talk to Juliette in the other silo. Which maybe will happen now? But I'm not holding my breath)

So now I'm just along for the ride, seeing it as its own thing that I enjoy separately from the books, you know. I still think the show is a masterpiece in terms of visual storytelling so that helps me enjoy myself even if they change the story a little.

The change of Solo being a shadow didn't really bother me so far because I figured he could have been a newly appointed shadow that was still a young teen and didn't know much yet, but I am disappointed he never left the vault, since him feeling safer to move about as the survivors died was interesting I think. But I'm still giving the show a chance to tell their version of the story.

I am very much anticipating how they will tell the story of Silo 1 though 😬 still with an open mind but a little... Anxious

Anyway sorry I rambled so much 😂 it feels like so much of the fandom is people who haven't read the books, so we can't talk about all this!

Oh hello!!! I missed your ask sorry for being late! Trust tumblr to find me the people who also read the books 🥰 I’m so glad you’re vibing with it. Honestly I’m mostly too, otherwise I would have dropped it.

Personally my issue is that I think many changes actually created weaknesses in season 1 that had me really struggling to push through around the middle of the season. I hadn’t read yet the books, but actually at the end of season one with THAT revelation I did and I was hooked and also surprised that the book story had much better pacing. That’s why I’m mostly baffled, I am not heavily emotionally invested in the characters so I’m ok with them making changes, whatever, but I don’t think they make it better 😅

Anyway I’m very very curious to see what they do for silo 1 and also the origins 👀

[micahtranslate]

Chainsaw Man Starter Rope Cast Interview: Tomori Kusunoki

How did you feel when you got the role?

Actually, I read Chainsaw Man at the recommendation of a friend, and when I read it he said, "If it's made into an anime, I want you to play Makima." Thinking back on it, that was really a ridiculous request (lol). As I read more and more, I became more and more immersed in the character, and even though it is a very difficult character, my desire to play Makima became stronger. And when it happened, I cried with joy. It felt like all my hard work had paid off.

What would you say are Makima's charms?

Her mysteriousness and her appearance are appealing, but I personally think Makima has really good "kindness timing." It's like she can tell Denji the exact words he wants to hear when he wants to hear them. She can see through everything completely, but she also has something mysterious about her that's beyond your reach. She's a character that I'm happy to see, but also a character whose appearance makes me nervous to see what's coming next.

How did you approach playing Makima, and what feelings did you tap into?

Makima doesn't get emotional or agitated, so I wanted to give off the impression, "I don't know what she's thinking, but she seems kind." All the actors in this work use a natural acting style. It's not to the level of narration, but Makima gives off a detached feeling; she suppresses the inflection of her speech. At the same time, I wanted to convey a vague and elusive feeling, like "Oh, was she being nice just now?" I often play young children and I had never played a role like Makima before, so at first I was trying to sound more mature. Director Nakayama and the staff told me that "My performance from my first audition is ideal," and "It's ok not to focus on sounding older," so I started acting more naturally.

How is recording going so far?

I believe I was able to achieve the Makima I was aiming for! My friend wanted me to play Makima, and I had read the original work thinking, "How would I say this line?" so I had a clear idea of the nuances I wanted to portray from the start. I was able to approach that, and even though there were gaps, I was able to try things out many times, so I think I created a Makima I was satisfied with.

What should we pay particular attention to in the early part of the story?

Makima's appearance in the first episode is striking, but my personal favorite is the scene where she tells Denji to say "aaah" at the rest stop. The udon noodles were moving so smoothly (laughs), I was shocked and thought, "This is how it is in anime!" I'd like for you to compare these types of small details to the original work. It's really amazing. It feels like, "This is how the director sees Chainsaw Man."

What was your impression of the original Chainsaw Man manga?

I haven't read a lot of manga since I was a child, and when it was recommended to me, I thought, "Maybe I'll enjoy it too?" but I ended up reading it in one sitting (laughs). The characters are charming, the illustrations are beautiful, and when you're reading it, each panel passes by like a movie. I think it became such a wonderful work because everything works well together. To me, the most appealing thing about it is that it seems like it's easy to understand, but it's not. You keep flipping through the pages, wondering, "What is the true meaning of this line or this scene?" It was like watching a movie, and before I knew it, I had finished reading it.

What are the highlights of the animated version of Chainsaw Man, now that it's finally airing?

We haven't seen the final version yet, but it looks like a lot of effort has been put into it. The battle scenes have a great impact, and even small moments like Makima's "mune dau" are reproduced in minute detail. The real thrill of anime is movement, so I want people to enjoy it thinking, "So this is how they moved in that scene in the original work!"

Do you have a message for the fans?

This is the anime everyone has been waiting for! Everyone's enthusiasm is so strong that Chainsaw Man trends whenever information is released, and the production side is working on it with just as much love. I feel that kind of love as I play Makima. Please look forward to Chainsaw Man, made with everyone's love.

Translation notes:

（笑）indicates laughter, so I translated it as (laughs).

Tomori describes Makima's "優しくしてくるタイミング" (literal, being-kind-timing) as her charm point, which I translated to "kindness timing"

Tomori says Makima "感情変化がなくて" literally meaning her emotions don't change, but I translated this into "doesn't get emotional," which sounds more natural but still conveys the same meaning.

Tomori quotes the staff and director as saying "最初のテープオーディションが理想", literally "first audition tape is ideal," I specified they meant her vocal performance from her first audition tape.

Translated "年齢感" (literal: age-feeling) to "sounding older".

"ムネダウ" is a direct quote from Makima, and I'm pretty sure she is referring to how they animated her saying the quote specifically, so I opted to just leave it romanized and untranslated.

[muffin-gods]

Behold, My Pokemon Legends Arceus Mc!!

So I will preface this by saying 3 things. 1) There are PLA spoilers, so if you haven't played the game all the way through yet, be wary. You were warned. 2) Do not tag this as Volo×Akari/Rei. This is my character, and don't count as the default protags. 3) Please don't comment with assumptions if you don't read the full thing. Thank you. Anywayss☆:

Before i explain his personality, i just wanna say that i did experiment with my art style a bit with this. And i am so in love with it!! This took forever to draw and i am just so happy with it. Anyway, here's about him>

For starters: I named all my Mcs Kai, which is a bit of a problem lol. However i don't necessarily regret it, because i just love the name, and it makes me very happy(which may sound dumb but idfc). Pronouns are he/him, and has a very feminine appearance. A couple times he's been approached by straight guys, thinking that he's female, only to be shocked by his surprisingly deep voice. Every single character assumed he was a girl at first, with varying reactions when they realized he wasn't. His personality is quiet, but extremely flirty. This personality came about cuz i thought everyone in the game was fucking hot, so in battle scenes i would walk up to them and say 'muah' as a joke. While he flirts with practically everyone (not literal children or old people, calm down), and even kissed multiple people, Volo was the only one he actually loved. Now before you assume I'm shipping Volo with a child... My mc is in fact older than 15(the age you are meant to be in the game), though the scene where Cyllene says you look about 15 is still accurate because Kai is considerably small. Kai confessed to Volo not too long before his betrayal. And Volo still accepted his confession, despite knowing what he was about to do. Volo's betrayal was so heartbreaking for him and Akari did her best to comfort him. After getting over the original heartbreak, he claimed- in a strangely calm demeanor- that he'd kill Volo if he ever saw him again. Akari finds that worrisome but thinks it's best to just let Kai cope. More facts about his personality is that he can't swim and is absolutely terrified of the water in the beginning, though he eventually gets more comfortable around water. He also occasionally references things from the future finding people's confusion funny.

This is the only pokemon game so far that i didn't nickname my pokemon. But here's the team:

Decidueye♂️,Lucario♂️,Mismagius♂️, Murkrow♀️,Torterra♀️,Tentacruel♂️

Decidueye and Lucario are best friends. And i loved when my Decidueye was a Dartrix cuz he kinda matched the outfit, lol.

Anyway, if you have any questions about this, do not be afraid to ask. In fact, it's very encouraged, because i would love to be able to talk to someone about my art and headcanons. If you read all the way through, tysm!!☆

That is all

[fyx-ation]

A Meandering Ramble on FFXVI

Firstly, if you haven't played the game yet or haven't finished the game yet, I suggest scrolling on. If you want a recommendation to play it, the best I can give you is a 7/10. Worth playing. Not the best thing on the market in the same territory but refreshing (I might use that word a lot going forward) and holds interest very well. Like a page-turner of a book.

That said, the rest of my ramble will be behind the cut to spare spoiling others.

Huh. What a strange little game. I actually just finished it, though I do need to go finish the chronolith things at some point. But I wanted to strike while the iron is hot, so this might be all over the place. I usually try to provide some essay-like structure when I write about a game... But I'm not really feelin' it since I've been working 5am shifts for a while and my brain is fried.

I have not read or watched any other reviews or summaries or impressions of the game. I didn't want my opinion to be tainted by bias because some creator or another loved or hated it.

It is Very Pretty. But perhaps not in a PS5 sort-of rock your eyeballs way. It handles like the Witcher III and Final Fantasy had an off-putting love-child. By that, I mean just the walking around and interacting with things reminds me of Witcher. Casual conversations are overheard from NPCs, and occasionally one that will actually speak to you (Clive) even if they aren't offering a quest or incentive. Facial animations, weather/landscape animations. Very Pretty but maybe a smidge outdated? How is that possible? Everything is lovely! But a little stiff if it's not an important, scripted, you-can't control your character here, sort of scene. The ones that aren't separately rendered cutscenes but still have extra polish? Yeah, not those.

You know what else this game reminds me of? Mass Effect (or Dragon Age). There's no open world to explore. There are pocket maps that you can return to from your Normandy Hideaway, but usually you're just sent there to do a mission quest or hunt or something.

So, let's deconstruct that a little. I think and hope that the producers of this game looked at what has been working and what has landed with the fan-base like a sopping wet diaper. Open world fatigue? Absolutely real. Stamina bars? Fuck right off. Pacing the game out with enormous, unskippable BS like a car ride because the plot is paper thin? Nope!

Does it work for a Final Fantasy game, though? See, this is where the conversation gets choppy. (While I didn't interact with reviews, I did see some plumes of smoke on the horizon in the form of thumbnails and the like). Some people are ride or die "this ain't MY final fantasy." Worse, some are like "this isn't a JRPG q_q."

Personally, I let that ship sail years ago. I loved the old turn-based games, don't get me wrong. I lament there aren't that many on the market anymore. But I've moved on. 16 is probably the biggest departure so far from that. Excluding the online games, they've been moving away from that format since 12. 13 was the last to have party members who you can actually control. (I'm not counting the 7 remake here, either) 16 doesn't have a party system. You can't swap Thane Krios (my space boyfriend) in when you fast travel from your hideaway to the next story beat. It's just the protag and whatever side piece is relevant at the moment, and that side character just does their own thing.

Do I like it? Ehh.... yes and no. Clive doesn't talk to himself or them much, so I feel like a lot more banter was needed. I could see why they left it out on the battle maps ("Hey, Clive, remember when were playing checkers and mom kicked the board because oh hello Mr. Behemoth."). But in city hubs? More banter, please. Even more conversations like the newer God of War games have would be most welcome.

And controlling just Clive? It's fine. I am A-okay with it. Combat's really fun, even when I'm not playing at my best and half-dozing on the couch. It's better than holding down the circle button (15 shaming is my kink). It's all amazingly refreshing in comparison to SE's other departures from turn-based battles. It's the first one so far (again excluding ff7r) to actually succeed at doing something different.

But I would not recommend the game to anyone on that alone. If they were looking for a hack n' slash pew pew magic pew game, I'd suggest the newer God of Wars first.

This is where I'm on the fence about how to judge the game as a whole because it isn't SPECTACULAR. It's good. Combat's good. Story is decent. Side characters are interesting (though some are woefully under-cooked, including Jill, whom I often compared to a piece of cardboard while talking to friends). Pacing a HUGE improvement from previous installments, though the last few hours of the game are weirdly smooshed into sidequests which aren't really sidequests because they are invaluable to the story and the game expects you to do them.

However. The world-building, which is very nice, is padded with lore directories just to clarify shit to people who have no idea what the fuck is going on or who have maybe missed or forgotten details that flesh out the motivations of everyone on the two continents. Did you forget who was fighting who while Clive was was off kicking boxes? Boy, do we have the right solution for that: it's LORE DUMP MAN and his faithful sidekick MAP TIMELINE WOMAN. I'm not saying they are bad things... just... odd. Heavy-handed? I love it when games offer some sort of journal to keep me on track or remind me of things, and yet they feel like they were put in this game because things are a bit blurry for the first third. They throw a lot of names at you, a lot of factions, and a lot of talk of different battles that you don't even witness so the only way to clarify all that is to be given Baby's First Overview. I think that might be indicative of a small failing on the game's part. Lots of telling with little showing often leads to lore dumps in RPGs, because it's critical that you understand for the sake of the story. Weirdly, there actually aren't a lot of exposition dumps in the actual gameplay. I guess they couldn't find a happy medium.

It's late. Gotta get up at 4, so I'll bring this ramble to a close for now. I'll talk about tone and themes later, probably.

Is it worth $70 and satisfying? Mostly. If you like button mashing combat and fantasy, sure. If you're a die-hard FF person, sure, but bolster your expectations as it doesn't really fit that mold. Anyone else that's curious, I'd say wait for a sale or promotion.

TBC

[chayscribbles]

chayscribbles’ monthly writing update ☆ december 2022

posting this one a little early as i'll be posting my writing year in review post on the 31st!

☆ STATISTICS.

words written: 11 936

projects worked on: Andromeda Rogue; The Gemini Heist (or, The WIP Formerly Known As "Secret Space WIP")

proudest accomplishment: idk i feel like this has been one of my best writing months in a while. i just feel it in my heart of hearts

books read: Discordia by Kristyn Merbeth

☆ GENERAL COMMENTS.

so i've been pretty MIA these past few weeks :/ i just started a new full time job which is quite physical and while i am enjoying it immensely, i'm usually tired at the end of the day to come on writeblr.

BUT somehow i've still been finding time to write! lots of fun things are happening in the chaynematic universe.

i've also been drawing quite a bit too! i'm really challenging myself to draw out of my comfort zone (which really just means drawing backgrounds that are more than a shape or a gradient, welp). currently working on a piece for my new wip which is... taking way longer than i would like 😅

reading comments: Discordia (which is the final book in this space opera trilogy i've been reading over the last few months) was good, not great, and the ending felt a little anticlimatic, but i can understand why it ended the way it did. a solid 4/5 stars because i still had a good time. anyways if you like Chay Stories, i recommend this trilogy! it's far from perfect and a little rough around the edge but it's still fun and enjoyable and hits all the right elements i personally love! (sibling drama in space! funky alien tech! bisexuals, plural!!!!!)

more specific wip-related comments + featured excerpt below.

☆ COMMENTS: ANDROMEDA ROGUE (draft 2)

i tend to work on this one when i don't have the brainpower to think too much, as a lot of it is just polishing or expanding on things that are already written.

i did add some new scenes that i hope will add more meat to the story. one is a phone call Azami witnesses between her father and some other politician, which is meant to add some political backdrop to the conflict between the planets. the other is a scene where Azami tries to run away before being placed on the expedition, but gets caught by her brother Ansel, as i wanted Azami to be more active in trying to shape her fate from the very get-go, and also give her and Ansel more scenes together. i haven't quite finished the latter one yet though because i haven't had the braincells to write any completely new scenes for this wip lately.

i also really reworked an exposition-heavy chapter where Petra gets the rundown of the expedition, and the scene right before they leave when they're given a tour of the ship to make it less clunky, sprinkling description of the ship into the team's actions as they get settled in instead of throwing a big wall of description at you.

so as of now a good chunk of act 1 is already rewritten!

however i do think in the second half of the month the steam for AR (which was all momentum from finishing AR3) has cooled down a bit and my mind has shifted elsewhere. which brings me to my next section...

☆ COMMENTS: THE GEMINI HEIST (outlining / draft... 0.5?)

in case you missed it: i have a new wip !!! (technically it's not new because i've been secretly working on it sporadically since spring, but it's new to most of you.) i'm having a ball writing about these awful gay women doing crime in space!!! i really missed that New WIP High haha. i feel like a kid in a sandbox.

i realized partway through the first act that the way i was writing AR wouldn't work for GH. because it's a heist i'll have to plan thigns more than i did with AR... but having a too-detailed outline feels too restricting. so instead i'm attempting to fast draft this thing so i can get a fuller picture of where i'm going, but still be able to plants this draft which seems to be the way that works best for me. (probably because you can't spell plantsing without plants.)

except that i'm really bad at not getting caught up in details while drafting, especially when writing dialogue-- these guys always end up talking and talking way more than i intend lmao. so i'm calling this more of a draft 0.5, where some parts will be more detailed but others will... not. i've pretty much skipped all description or non-essential worldbuilding. that's a problem for Future Chay.

☆ FEATURED EXCERPT.

this is from gemini heist chapter 4, where Leo is trying to convince Illiana to help them, and Euna and Gabi are... not exactly helping.

Illiana’s chest tightened. She took a deep breath. “How do I even know I can trust you? You’re a criminal, aren’t you? Why wouldn’t you take the money and leave once I’ve given you what you want?”

Leo leaned back in her chair. “I’m an honest criminal, Heir,” she began.

The shorter, chubbier of the two minions spoke for the first time, muttering under her breath, “I’m pretty sure ‘honest criminal’ is an oxymoron, actually.”

The taller, muscular one reached over and gave the short one a little smack on the arm. “I don’t think the Captain appreciates you calling her a moron, Gabi,” she scolded.

Leo’s overall expression didn’t change, but Illiana didn’t miss the exasperation briefly flashing through her eyes.

Leo, to Euna and Gabi: i have total faith in you guys

Leo, to herself: there's like a 30% chance they both die

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[agentsquirrelsgotrobots]

Final part! Thanks for coming along for the ride. More of the mafia au will likely be posted today, I really want to write some death scenes in between some irl craft projects.

Meanwhile, aboard the Nemesis, Megatron was scheming. Due to the war, they were running into a bit of a gene pool problem. Namely, throwing an entire city state's worth of genetic diversity into a blender and creating a mass produced army out of whatever gene sequence it spits out had worked to preserve diversity and allow the lower ranks to continue adding to the population without ruining evolution for the future, but it also meant that the genetic makeup of any offspring born was a crapshoot. Unfortunately, being a grounder was a very, very dominant trait.

But, the human converts were special in that they had a completely new set of genetic traits. Sure, Dani would likely be a helicopter, but compared to archived gene sequences, she would be comparable to a bot that came from a long lost and isolated colony, perfect for putting some variety back into the gene pool. But first, the obvious problem was that she hadn't been converted yet.

The discoveries were made on Miko and Raf's genetic testing results, not hers.

And, of course, she was far too small to be a good carrier or even a Sire, not without heavy medical intervention, and Megatron already knew that even encouraging her and Blades to bond would be an arduous task.

Luckily, Shockwave had done plenty of growth tank experiments in his time during the war, and had the science down to an easily repeatable procedure, one, when tested, that can be bundled with the conversion process, as long as there is enough access to the subjects bloodstream at time of submersion, particularly in the extremities.

In other words, Megatron has to cut Dani's arms and legs to get the liquid cyber metal to her feet and hands.

This is going to be fun.

Megatron had never before been able to use a blade on a human before, preferring to either shoot or squish them on the battlefield.

Megatron walked into the two autobot turncoats' berth room, Dani glaring at him from her little pile of blankets, shivering in her oversized garment that had replaced her flight suit. He had read from Knockout's report that during a run to get supplies to treat her monthly… affliction, she had been spotted and tracked down by a store associate who had seen her missing poster, and tried to get her away from Breakdown. In the confusion, Breakdown had run him over, splattering her with blood. The damage done has been fully healed, and now they could move on to the next stage of the process.

Megatron took out the clear box of stickers that Shockwave had loaded up with nanotechnology in. To Dani's horror, they were skimpy and gold, getting the reference immediately.

Blades, bless his sweet spark, did not.

_____

(My beta told me no to making Dani naked twice in one one-shot, so we compromised by making her censor bars a Rocky Horror reference. Yes, Dani and Blades are supposed to be Janet and Brad coded. Unfortunately, there is no Rocky, because, well, there's child characters here. Tarn is already pushing a lot here. So, instead of learning all about kink and throwing away the last of their innocence, Dani and Blades are learning about the war and throwing away their black and white view of it.)

____

"Have Dani apply these to the skin. Shockwave tells me that there is a diagram of where they need to go included. If you don't get them all applied before Knockout comes to retrieve you, Shockwave will do them himself. Blades, after Dani leaves, you will be moved to a new room." Megatron left, leaving them alone. Blades took out the stickers, realizing that this would have to be a two person job. He found the ones meant to go on her chest.

"How about you start with these? I mean, we did swap bodies, so nothing I haven't seen before, but…"

Dani nodded, a whirlwind of embarrassment and horror going through her head as she took off her dress and bra, Blades setting a mirror in front of her and looking away respectfully as she put the two circles over her breasts, trying not to think about the huge, hulking, one eyed monster of a bot that would soon be touching her for some likely sick purpose.

She looked through the other sheets and found another set meant for her crotch, resembling those adhesive edged fabric thongs some actors used in movie shoots. Luckily, it was large enough that the razor included could stay sealed in its flowery pink packaging.

She added a few to her sunken belly and skeletal ribcage. Her time at the Nemesis had her losing every scrap of fat on her body, leaving her feeling freezing and hollow all the time. She quickly put the stickers meant for her legs and feet on, not feeling safe until she slipped her pants on. It was weird. Being topless made her feel less exposed than having her legs out.

"Blades? A little help here?" Dani said, picking up the stickers meant for her neck and back. Blades oh so delicately placed the last two stickers, ruffling her hair after he was done.

"This might be a bit inappropriate due to circumstances outside of our control, but you will always be the prettiest human I have ever gotten the pleasure of knowing, no matter what happens. Charlie, your brothers, Chase, and Boulder would all be so proud of us for making it this far together. I am so proud of you for making it this far. I promise, if the worst comes to worst, I will bury you the way we couldn't bury your family. I love you, Dani."

Dani wiped away a tear. "Aw, I love you too Blades."

The door to the room opened, and Knockout stepped in. Dani took off her pants and climbed onto his outstretched hand without a word.

"Primus, fleshy, it is far too cold on the ship to be walking around without a blanket." Knockout picked up a thin, stained one that usually ended up between her and the rest of her blankets when she was on her period. He threw it over her shoulders and walked down to Shockwave's lab, leaving Blades to quickly clean up the trash and store anything of use in his subspace.

Shockwave took her from Knockout and laid her on her belly, setting the blanket aside. Dani didn't dare breathe as he took a pair of tweezers and readjusted the sticker on her back. "Everything is satisfactory. Knockout, administer the priming injection."

"Dani, sit up, cross your legs, put your elbows on your knees, and face away from me." Knockout said while he uncapped the syringe and Shockwave scooped out a glob of the cleaning gel that Dani had been subjected to more then once after she had begun to stink due to not being able to shower regularly.

Dani scrambled to follow directions, hissing as her shoulders were wiped with the freezing cold gel. She willed herself to stay still as Knockout plunged the needle into her shoulder and emptied the syringe into the muscle there. They had given her vaccinations in that shoulder, too, but drew blood from her head.

Knockout removed the syringe and moved in front of Dani. "Lie back, and relax your face as much as possible. I need a blood sample." Knockout took plenty of blood from her before looking at Shockwave.

Shockwave picked her up and set her on a new tray. He pressed a button on the side of it, and Dani yelped as the sticker on her spine magnetized to the tray, keeping it straight. "Testing successful. Begin energon injections to the thighs, along with shallow lacerations to improve cyber metal distribution and speed up the process."

"This is my specialty." Megatron said, stepping away from the wall where he had been watching the proceedings. He took a scalpel from Knockout and carefully cut symmetrical lines into Dani's thighs and forearms. Knockout injected energon inside each cut, Dani shivering as he wiped the blood from them onto her belly.

Dani cried out and scratched at Knockout's hands as he lowered her into the growth vat.

Her red blood turned the clear yellow liquid a light pink, and once the tank was full, Shockwave introduced the cyber metal, the stuff settling in the tank in bubbles and streaks. Shockwave pressed another button, and Dani felt nauseous, her eyes closing for the last time.

"Oh, she's beautiful." Knockout said as the tank emptied and the top swung open. He had a towel open to wrap around her as soon as Megatron and Shockwave pulled her out of the tube.

She was truly a stunning femme, even in just the new protoform silver and gray. Once she chose a paint job, she would likely have half the seeker armada tripping over themselves for a shot with her. She was going to be a helicopter, at least. The bump on her back where new rotors would sprout and unfurl once she scanned an alt mode stuck out like a sore thumb. Her plating had an organic curve to it, with virtually no harsh edges at all.

Shockwave had to stop her from getting out of the tube on her own, taking her arms and helping to lift her out of the tank. Knockout wrapped her in the towel, and they bundled her into a wheelchair. Her eyes were still offline, the growth cycle finishing earlier than expected. They wheeled her to Blades' new room, him being informed of the true intentions of the experiment only minutes ago. Still, he had a shift to finish, and Knockout assured him that she would be in stasis until he could help her.

The minute he could finish up his training to be a nurse with Breakdown for the day, he raced back to his suite. As promised, a stasis machine was hooked up to her, and he carefully unhooked her from it and held her hand until she woke up.

He happily helped Dani, who passed almost all the memory recall checks, out of the wheelchair and into their seated shower, where Blades assisted her in cleaning off the clear yellow goo that clung to her plating. The temporarily blind bot kept feeling his face over and over again, as if she expected him to be gone the next time she checked.

That morning, she woke up to him squeezing one of her hands while they slept in their bed, Blades having to plug her into the recharge dock with little awkward touches against her head.

This was her new reality now.

A menial job on this dark, oppressive ship, with this orange mech sleeping alongside her, all without her consent or a measure of control.

At least she won't starve.

At least she doesn't have to be alone.

_______

There was just one last test to be done.

Cody walked through the ground bridge, his confident posture and wicked grin strange on his young face.

In the panic of the omega lock pointed at earth, no one was paying attention to the drugged up, half mad Rescue Bot.

Cody walked into the cell block and walked right through the bars. The man he believed to have led his family to their deaths, tripping over himself to pick him up.

"Heatwave, I have a secret for you. Do you want to know?"

The grief addled bot nodded like an over excited little kid, and Cody smiled.

All Cody had to do to prove himself was whisper a single word.

"Die."

The bot's spark imploded with a soft pop, not a single drop of energon split. He reached into his ear and tapped his com link. "Nickel, I'm done here."

A ground bridge opened, and he ran back through to his Sire, failing to wipe the excited grin off his face. Tarn kneeled down and picked up the tiny minicon, his holoform flickering off as he hugged his Sire's finger. The Peaceful Tyranny was hiding behind the Nemesis, being secretly space bridged in to help Megatron hunt down any loose ends, the perfect initiation test for the newest member of the DJD.

"Good work, Darkmount." Tarn said, placing him back into his chest cavity.

Before long, the theme song to some human cartoon Raf downloaded off the internet and passed to him on one of their informal play dates while Tarn talked to high command played obnoxiously from the vid screen, Tarn long since abandoning the hopes of hearing anything but squeaky voices and bubbly background music after a hunt.

Tarn could feel Darkmount stretch inside him. He sent a feeling of pride into their still new parental spark bond.

Darkmount sent it back, a feeling of sleepiness accidentally slipping alongside it.

Darkmount was getting better at that, but still made silly little mistakes with the bond at times. However, he was flawless in the field, burrowing into the plating of much bigger mechs and killing them from the inside, removing any witnesses while Tarn and the rest of the DJD took care of the main victim.

And, of course, he was a glutton for attention at times. If he wanted it, that is. If he got it into his head that he didn't want to be picked up or held, Tarn would walk away with bite marks and a very grumpy microcon cuddled into the crook of his elbow or clinging to his tank treads. He did, in fact, scan an alt mode.

He had fought a small swarm of a savage pointer, a smaller subspecies of the common bulbous scraplet, and with some help from Vos, scanned a live one for his alt mode.

If he focused, he could hover in the air. The Pet was terrified of him, and he could now wander the ship as he pleased.

A few months later, Darkmount woke up to a message from Raf saying that he now had two nephews. Apparently, Dani and Blades got busy fast after Dani recovered from the conversion. There was also a warning to Nickel that Dani experienced phantom contractions after the twins were born, and the only things that worked was a very high dose of pain meds and plenty of heat packs and cuddles from the helicopter that she chose to be with. He was a skittish thing, not a single bark and completely devoid of bite. It was fine, though. Dani had enough for the two of them.

Darkmount winced as he imagined his sister in excruciating pain for no other reason besides a coding error leftover from being human.

He wouldn't lift a hand to help her if it was inconvenient for him, but he still didn't want to see her dead.

He cuddled into Tarn's spark chamber and drifted off to sleep.

Another day, and a new hunt will begin.