#I haven’t shown her yet- I kinda wanna try and print it

[cupophrogs]

WOO ART! I made this piece as a holiday gift for a buddy of mine; her name is Eleanore, so I looked up the origin and made her into a cool puppet

[talking-girls-the-show]

‘GIRLS’ REWATCH, S1 E2-3

I think there is some really good TV in the second half of ‘GIRLS’, but I had forgotten how many of the scenes I came to remember the show by happen in the first few episodes. So many big moments! Shoshanna telling Hannah that her biggest baggage is being a virgin; Marnie meets Booth Jonathan; Hannah and Marnie kick off their shoes and dance to Robyn in her bedroom. The line when they’re all waiting for Jessa at the abortion clinic and Hannah tells Shoshanna that men are “wont” to do some freaky shit I won’t print here during sex (”Are they really wont to do that?” Marnie says). There were also some plot points I had forgotten about, point blank: Hannah gets HPV; Elijah’s gay; Hannah tanks a job interview by making an entirely uncalled for and easily preventable joke about her interview being a date rapist in college. Just when the shows does a good job of creating a basic level of empathy for the titular characters, it reminds you that at the heart of it, they’re a bunch of assholes. 

I always thought Episode 2 felt a little strung out, to me: Jessa’s pregnant, and getting an abortion, and the girls dunno how or whether to be supportive about it, especially Marnie, who thinks Jessa accidentally making life is just as irresponsible and disrespectful as Jessa never showing up on time to things. The abortion storyline doesn’t even play out, really, because Jessa gets her period mid-makeout session with a random stranger she picks up at a bar, while she’s ignoring her friends’ texts and phone calls about her missed abortion appointment. There’s so many interpersonal dilemmas that unspool themselves in consistent and interesting ways on this show; the drama usually feels pretty close to life, and this has always been millennials’ main gripe/easiest critique of the show. But making Jessa pregnant when she doesn’t want to be and then magically making her not pregnant feels... IDK, easy? I guess it feels less ambitious than if the show did try to portray an actual abortion, but maybe that would’ve been too much for Episode 2, even for HBO.

Anyway, another thing I forgot was how many famous people are on this show. Mike Birbiglia (as the guy who explains to Hannah that date rape jokes are not “office OK”)! KATHRYN HAHN (as the strung out documentary filmmaker who hires Jessa as a babysitter)! I know Mike Birbiglia was a big early supporter of Dunham, so that makes sense, but Kathryn Hahn’s cameo felt genuinely surprising and fun to watch, even if it was just for one scene. Also surprising: the Twitter desktop UI from 2012, shown fullscreen after Hannah finds out Elijah is gay.  

The HPV storyline, which again I had forgotten about, is a really nice bit of writing: Hannah spirals when she finds out (”I have pre-cancer”) but eventually comes back down to earth after talking with Shoshanna and learning Jessa also has HPV, and believes it’s kinda of just the price of being a modern woman. That feels like the thesis of the show, at least so far, and it’s a genuinely uplifting statement: If you’re living life on your own terms, you’re bound to incur some damages. Fucking shit up is allowed; actually, it comes with the territory. 

Still, it feels like the really good stuff is yet to come: I wanna see more of Marnie and Charlie’s fallout, Jessa getting her bearings in NYC, Hannah figuring Adam out. The crack-ccident! It’s all coming soon.

Some notes:

- “I’m a lady, she’s a lady, you’re a lady. We’re the ladies!!!”

- Marnie is awful. When Shoshanna tells her that she’s never had sex, Marnie struggles to think of anything nice to say before finally managing: “I hit a puppy with my car once.”

- For someone who just landed in NYC with no job, Jessa is dressed so incredibly well for the abortion appointment she never makes it to!

- “You don’t have HIV, you just don’t. It’s not that easy to contract.” “It’s like really not that hard to contract either, though. Haven’t you seen ‘Rent’?”

[kamal1011]

Accepting my diagnosis

Abt three months ago, i was floating at outpatient dept. just a normal day in OPD, my name was at labeling at K8. Finished my lunch, and continued my work. Had the feeling of something stuck at my throat. For normal ppl, they wouldn't think much. But knowing my mom had same problem, i knew this was thyroid issues. Ppl around me told me to not overthink, but its just deep down i know its my thyroid issues. No reason, i just knew.

So, i consulted this friend that i knew went through the same issue. She asked me to wait two weeks to see whether this feelings resolved or not. And i decided to wait. Told my parents abt this and their reaction was u r are just overthinking, maybe its just because of wearing mask, we also feel like that because of wearing mask, try few days without mask, the feeling will resolve, maybe its just sore throat, don't worry u eat this, eat that, pray to god, everything will disappear, you don’t know the power of god. Hmmm i do believe in god, but i pray to god that He help me to go through this with strength and courage.

The feeling in throat just became the new normal. i was getting used to it, so kinda forgotten abt this thing. Abt two weeks past. One day one of my friends said she wanna test for thyroid, and it was going to be a good chance for me to do as well, so i decided to do with her. For someone who is scared of needles and blood, its was really scary. But i felt that i had no choice since i have to make the thing in my throat disappear.

After two days, asked my friend to help me check my thyroid results. I was on leave on that day. i just woke up and msged my friend to ask the results. was getting ready to go down, i simply checked my phone, and there was a msg from my friend. Opened my WhatsApp and clicked on the image. that moment when i saw my TSH level my heart literally stopped. yup, i was scared.

Came down and told my parents abt it, as usual they blamed me for my condition. i was literally helpless. when u get to know that u are sick, but u got blamed for something which is not ur mistake. i immediately texted my cousin, MO in diff hosp. actually didnt ask her anything just showed her my results. The talk with her calmed me down. she asked me to get few blood tests and try to get referral letter to endocrine.

the next day i went to staff clinic. that's the only thing that came to my mind to do. Waited in front of the staff clinic for almost one hour. my anxiety came back. i was really nervous, till i could really feel my heart racing up.was the last person to see dr that day, and they finally called my name.

Entered the room, and the nurse scanned me, she was like" u got a fever", the she wanted to take my blood pressure and heart rate. as soon she saw my bp & hr, she alarmed the dr. very hard to make to dr believe that the results shown is not true. but ended up he asking me to take deep breaths and repeat the test a few times until my bp &hr shown in normal.

The check-up went pretty much as usual. he asked abt my symptoms and I showed him my blood test. he saw my throat and touched my neck to see the extent of swelling. he wrote me a referral letter to medical. after asking where was MOPC clinic, i walked of the room.

upon reaching there, i passed my referral letter to the staff nurse incharge. the waiting game continued. waited for another 1 hr, just for the nurse to give me one month later appt date and a few blood test forms.

informed my cousin abt this, and she was worried since she wsaid for my level of TSH need to start treatment immediately. she told me that she will get back to me soon.

later the next week, she msged me saying to meet a dr from mopc the next day itself. came back home then realized, how to meet dr without any other baseline blood test results. so brought my sis back to hosp, so she can run some test before i meet the dr.

the ride there was literally the scariest. i have night blindness, and rain literally start to pour like hell. very heavy rain. i still had to drive. was trying to go slow, but at the same time fast since my sis just got back from night shift and haven't sleep yet. at a bridge almost near my hosp, my car skided to the other lane due to the water level that start to rise up. my heart stopped. but i came back to my sense asap, and brought back my car to the right lane. and i drove back like nothing happened. i knew at that moment something bad is going to happen to me soon.

As soon we were done taking blood and my sis send the samples to lab, I drove back home. Emptied my mind although a lot of things were still there. That night I couldn’t sleep much since I was nervous. The next day, woke up, and thankfully I managed to take off for that day.

On the way to the hosp, I knew something was wrong with my car because of the incident yesterday. I thought I had punctured my tyre, so I don't dare to look at my car back when I reached so that my feelings is not disturbed. reached there pretty earlier so was hanging out with one of my friend  and then went to get my results printed.

Walked to the clinic slowly, knowing something scary is waiting for me. Asked the staff nurse abt the dr that I abt to meet, but they just say he might not be coming in on that day. I was kinda helpless but no choice, I literally sat there in front of the clinic with some hope he might pass by. After abt one hour, the staff nurse finally called my name and asked me to register. I get myself registered and passed the file back to the staff nurse.

Waited back again till the dr back from ward round. And finally, the staff nurse called me and I entered the dr’s room. To be honest, he was the sweetest dr that I have met. He first made me sit, started with asking abt my symptoms, did some physical exam on my neck and he finally took a piece of paper. He explained to me abt what is hypothyroidism. At that time, actually I spaced out. I wasn’t even listening properly to what he was saying. The reason, cos I thought this was all just a dream. I was just saying yes or no for everything he asked. He asked me to read about Hashimoto also. He handed me my prescription and I went out of the room. Did my antibody blood test that day after that.

The next few days, I was playing back all the questions that the dr asked. I know I wasn’t in my right state of mind at that time but after a few day I was clearing my head and I realised actually I had more symptoms that I actually thought I had.  

Days went by, and I got to know my transfer is soon. So I managed to change my appointment to one week earlier. Did my blood test and checked it. Was actually relieved that my results was much better compared to the other time.

The day of my second appointment came by. Met a dr, and I knew she wasn’t that experienced. I didn’t ask her much also since I don't think she knew much. She ordered another test as said by the earlier dr. she also asked me to continue my old dose.

One week passed, and I decide to ask my friend to check my antibody test. After abt one hour she reply with the result. Actually after looking at it, actually I my mind went blank. I wasn’t scared or sad , to be honest I had no feelings. Msged my sis to confirm my diagnosis and she confirmed it. Its autoimmune thyroiditis.

Cam back home, was thinking whether if I should inform my parents. At first I thought of not informing since I don't want to worry them. But later on, I just wanted to share since I was started to get scared myself. Yup, the conversation didn’t go as I thought it would but their reaction was expected. From starting to blame my choice of food, start to control what I should eat, asked me to not eat outside and my dad started abt yous know god can make any disease just disappear, and a lot of nonsense that made me regret my decision.

The conversation abt that stopped on that day and no one seemed to care or remember or asked me anything. Had a few close and best friends keep checking on me. Started to read more abt this, I thought reading more would make me worry less but actually made me feel worse.had this best friend who keep scolding me for overthinking, but seriously I cant stop.

Weekend came so binged watch a Korean drama so that I don't overthink. I followed my mum to tesco and I got myself some Kellog’s muesli. Came back, my dad saw it and he started. He first asked isn’t it high in sugar content? I was like, u no need to eat, I just bought so I and my sis can eat have them for breakfast. Then he said, actually for your condition u shouldn’t eat much sugar right? and the fight started. I tried my best to make them understand that food is not the cause or will make things worse. But they insist saying me always eat outside, don't eat oranges are the reason that I get autoimmune. The fight stopped when I gave up on explaining to them.

Currently just waiting for my blood test and my next appointment to clear up all my questions regarding my diagnosis.