#I haven’t been to fight club in like four months I’m devastated

[justaboot]

Okay life update

-> professor put me up for an internship at his animation company??? I start tomorrow??? Am I an animator now???

-> Yale application went through, auditioning for the MFA program next month and I’m petrified

-> acting company asked me back for my fav character in my fav Shakespeare, I cant believe it and I’m so excited

-> teaching 4 new classes, and a new round of D&D kids classes

-> got my first longbow and I’m in LOVE with her, found a new secret archery range in the hills, it’s always foggy and there’s many crows and deer Ive been living there every second I’m not at work

-> I’m so scared I’m gonna drop the ball but I made a merlin sideblog go follow it for stupid gay loser boy art @jaunty-angle

-> hi I miss you all

[theunvanquishedzims]

Calming my post-election anxiety with sweet sweet logic

So Trump is a wannabe dictator with crazy screaming fans who are headed toward violent armed meltdowns. What’s to stop him from going full dictator and refusing to leave office?

I’m glad you asked!

You see, the major difference between wannabe dictators and actual dictators is ALLIES. Dictators are surrounded with tight security, aided by the military, cheered on by media that they control, and are either helped, encouraged, or just ignored by other countries with the power to stop them.

Trump has charged the Secret Service money for the privilege of protecting him and his family since day one. You remember the first year, when his wife and son refused to move to the White House so the Secret Service had to RENT FLOORS in TRUMP’S BUILDING to be close to them? And how his extended family went globetrotting and the Secret Service had to accompany them? And when Trump himself insisted on hosting people at his golf club, he made the Secret Service RENT GOLF CARTS from TRUMP’S CLUB to follow him while he went golfing?

The end result was that halfway through the first year of his presidency, the Secret Service could not pay their own wages. Because half their yearly budget had gone straight to Trump’s pockets. And that’s just financially. I think we all remember how the White House came down with Covid and Trump still insisted on Secret Service agents driving him around to wave at people. He has not been kind to the people who are sworn to protect him. These people have had a front-row seat to his circus since 2016. When the time comes from Trump to leave the White House and Biden to take over, I doubt they’ll betray the country out of loyalty to Trump. If anything, they’ll be the ones to drag him out.

As for the military, Trump insulted and fired four generals from his administration staff. He said on multiple occasions that soldiers who get captured or killed are suckers and losers. He refused to visit a cemetery to honor the dead because it was raining. He tries to pander to the military by massive increases in defense spending, but that money goes to capitalists who make weapons and war technology, not the soldiers or veterans. (He also hypocritically accused military officials of being in bed with those same companies.) In a poll of 1000 service members 50% said they disliked Trump. Overall, he doesn’t act like a leader, and the way he skirts responsibility (like taking charge during the pandemic) doesn’t appeal to a group that functions on trust in their leadership.

A proper dictator would have spent the last four years cozying up to his generals and making sure they knew the financial and social benefits of answering to him personally, not the office of the President. And while Trump did adhere to the adage “find a foreign foe” to unite people against, he badly misjudged what most US citizens consider “foreign.” He hasn’t found a villain that we would root for the military taking down, and the people he targets (Latinx, Blacks, immigrants, and people in countries our military has already devastated) are not a minority he can turn the majority of the country against, especially with how many of the former two serve in the military themselves. When the time comes for him to leave office, the military might be the first to cut ties with the wannabe Dictator-in-Chief.

Now, the media. They’ve been treating him like a joke candidate since day one, but after he was actually elected and took office they’ve started to take him more seriously. He’s gotten his catchphrase “fake news!” to catch on, but that doesn’t change the fact that under his administration news reporters have been harassed, illegally arrested, and generally poorly treated by Trump, especially if they’re women. He’s trashed talked everyone, with Fox News being the last bastion of semi-legitimate news that openly supports him (and their credibility has taken a big hit over it.)

Despite this support, in recently months Trump has been increasingly dumping on Fox, even throwing the mediator they provided for the debate under the bus, and risking alienating them in the process. If his supporters listen to him and start considering Fox part of Big Fake News, it might possibly be the death of Fox, leaving most of his supporters adrift and isolated from their source of right-wing news, and sending the more extreme fringes into the arms of conspiracy theory websites. (I’m not saying this is bad, being cut off from Fox and its toxic stream of “information” can actually help rehabilitate the right.)

Honestly, I don’t think Trump ever had a shot at controlling the media like a dictator would, mainly because of social media. He’s in love with attention, and Twitter has provided him a nonstop stream of it. No other President has threatened, insulted, promoted, or hinted at war over social media the way Trump has, and he gets so much direct feedback and interaction with the public and the world as a result. He could have leveraged that by buying the company (through a shell corporation, obviously) and setting it up as The One True Source of Information, manipulating public perception of him and his administration by keeping a tight grip on what information he let out.

But he’s just. Not. That. Clever. He blurts out everything that crosses his mind, leaving his administration to play clean-up on his messes, put out fires he keeps pouring gasoline on, and claim he’s joking when everyone knows he’s testing the limits on what he can get away with saying. He took advantage of the direct communication with legions of supporters, but seemed to forget that his detractors had equal access and would absolutely call him out on things he definitely said, it’s right there on his Twitter account, they have the Tweet pulled up on their phone right now. Instead of operating a single state-run media outlet while crushing all free press and limiting internet access like other dictators, he’s mooned the world’s cameras and acted surprised when they put his saggy butt on tv. “Fake news! That’s not my butt! THIS is my butt! [image attached]” he tweets. “Twitter is so biased, they haven’t censored any of Sleepy Joe’s photos!” he later tweets.

And lastly. The key to a dictatorship’s success. To prevent outside intervention, the country a dictator runs must be unimportant and ignored, wealthy and well-connected, or scary and well-armed. Minor warlords are the former, Putin is the latter, Trump might have weaseled his way into being the middle. But at the end of the day, America’s whole thing is new leadership every four years. It was revolutionary to replace a lineage of kings and queens stretching generations with a non-royal elected leader who only held office for four to eight years, but we’ve stuck to that for 200 years and everyone’s used to it by now. It would take a charismatic and powerful person to move the American people towards abolishing such a basic tenant of our democracy, and despite the mob mentality that lead a small portion of his supporters to chant “sixteen more years!” in the heat of the moment, Trump is not that charismatic. He’s not that smart. He’s not that well-connected. He’s not that savvy. He’s not that good at politics. And he’s not that powerful.

(I was going to say something here about him being the laughingstock of the world’s leaders and shouldn’t expect any outsiders to help him stay in power, especially since his tax returns came out and showed he owes people a ton of money that he doesn’t have, but this post is long enough so let’s cut to the chase.)

Trump is a greedy, small-minded man that has clung to power by appealing to the worst in humanity and scraping away at the best. But he hasn’t succeeded. He’s a sad old man who will say anything to be loved, and I don’t think he even knows what love is, so he’ll settle for attention. He doesn’t have money, he doesn’t have an army, and the only allies he has are using him as a political pawn to further their own interests. They will cut him loose the minute he stops being useful.

Now, the bad part: crazy screaming fans. Fringe groups on the internet. Mobs chanting “sixteen more years!” Men with guns and bombs and kidnapping plots, men trying to get into voting centers to destroy the election, men driving trucks with black flags that say FUCK YOUR FEELINGS, TRUMP 2020 (available on Amazon for $11.99, I wish I was joking.) I have no idea how many people in this country genuinely love Trump. It is hopefully significantly less than voted for him. There are some big issues in this country that are make-or-break, and unfortunately by reason of running Republican Trump has aligned himself with some of them.

There are people who hate everything about Trump, but he put a pro-life judge on the Supreme Court so they’re voting for him. There are people who are uncomfortable with Trump, but they’ve forgiven their grandpa for saying worse at Thanksgiving dinner, so they’ll vote for him. There are people who don’t know a single thing about Donald Trump, but they see (Republican) next to his name on the ballot, so they vote for him. None of that means those people will side with him if he tries to make a move towards dictatorship.

Now there are people who love Trump. They’ve heard and seen the vile things he’s said and done, and are genuinely okay with it, because they are full of hate and rage and want to change the world to put themselves on top. I do not know how many of these people there are. I know they exist all over the country, not just in red states. I know some of them have guns and want a reason to use them, because they’ve been talking about it for decades. I don’t know if we can trust the police to side with us over them if fights start breaking out. (And I pray pray PRAY people de-escalate any fights, because monkey see monkey do, and one news report of a MAGA extremist shooting someone can inspire a hundred copycats can lead to full-on civil war like we've never seen.) I know we need to be careful the next few months, to take care of ourselves and watch out for the more vulnerable in our communities.

And above all, I know this: Trump is not going to keep this country. He got it through trickery and deceit and foreign influence and national indifference and people not taking him seriously. We’ve learned. We’ve grown. We’re taking him seriously now, and we will not let him take what we’ve already told him he can’t have. The election is over. He’s a loser. He’d better start packing his bags. Because he’s not staying in office.

[bloomsjeon]

Love Playlist

pairing: park jimin x reader

genre: fluff, nerd! jimin, shy! jimin, high school au.

synopsis: one songs for one things you wanted to say.

words count: 2k

warning: mentions of anxiety.

a/n: I almost lost this story by an accident :(

© original pictures credits to rightful owner 

Jimin run as if there was no tomorrow. He stayed up too late last night competing against Taehyung in this game that become the newest addition of the two, in results he woke up late and he's going to miss the bus if he doesn't make it to the bus stop in approximately six more minutes.

Finally he manages to get to the bus stop and the driver almost close the door in his face if it's not with your help, "Wait! He's my friend."

The driver glares at him but opens the door for him anyways. In that moment Jimin stunned. A mere stranger willing to save him like that. Throwing a smile at him, you sit on the empty seat beside the window.

  "Quit it son, go sit somewhere!" The driver scold him from being astonished like that. He mutters a quick apology as he scan rows of possible seats but turns out that there's only an empty spot next to you.

Having no other choice he walks towards you."Is this seat empty?" He question. Looking up at him you quickly reply with a short yes. Jimin feel awkward for standing still in the middle of the bus like a statue.

"Yes by you, I mean." You crack him a smile again. And Jimin almost pass out from the heavy tension of embarrassment.

He didn't even realize he was holding his breath, "Ah.. thank you."

Seeing his flustered face you laughs nudging his shoulder in playful manner. "Why are you so tense? It's still early in the morning."

"I- I.." Jimin awkwardly stutter trying to find a good reasonable thing to say so it will at least make up his bad first impression.

"We're from the same school right?"  You guessed seeing from the same uniform the both of you wears.

"Yeah..." Then silence occurs. "Why I haven't seen you around? anyways I'm __."

"J-jimin." He mumbles. Nodding your head at him, you’re back to playing your phone again.

“God, I messed up. She must think that I'm snippy. I really need to say something.” Scolding himself, he think of 1001 things to say but his brain seems to completely shut down.

When he make up his mind and was about to say something, the bus already arrived at his school.

"I'll see you around, Jimin." You grin, then running off disappearing in the crowds. His mouth still gaping with no words coming out.

He rub his face and take a deep breath, "Relax Jimin. Don't overthink it. You'll probably already forget about her tomorrow."

What a huge lie. Jimin couldn't stop thinking about you all week. He used to be so ignorant against his surroundings. But now he can even notice your back from a distance.

Taehyung observe Jimin whom playing with his food. "What gotten you in a slump?"

"If you don't like the japchae, you can give it to me you know. I will gladly eat it for you."

"No thanks. I'm going to eat it." Eating a mouthful of japchae Jimin almost chokes when he see you stroll down the cafeteria with your friends. 

"Jimin. I get it, you don't want to give me your food. But please don't spit it out your food right on my face dude." Taehyung wiping his face with a scowl.

Ignoring Taehyung, Jimin can't take his eyes off of you. You look extremely stunning today, not that you don't look stunning yesterday but that hairpin really looks good on you.

"Are you not even sorry? Woah you're so mean no wonder I'm taller than you. Mean people tends to not grow you know." Taehyung still complaining with complete nonsense. Certain Jimin will scold him but when Jimin does the complete opposite Taehyung was ready to call an exorcist.

Jimin still gawking at you whom already munching on her food. Decide to tease Jimin more Taehyung take a bite from Jimin's food. When Jimin doesn't react Taehyung start to notice Jimin is blankly staring on something. He follows Jimin's gaze. "Ooh, Choi __!"

Jimin head snaps at Taehyung. "What did you say?"

"Choi __, from class next to ours. What? Do you like her?" Now Taehyung doesn't even try to hide that he's stealing a meat from Jimin's lunch tray.

"You know her?" Jimin ask avoiding Taehyung's questions. "Yeah we're in the same drama club. The one that you refused to join with me in the beginning of first year."

"Do you guys open for new requitement?"

And that's how he ends up in auditorium early in the morning of Saturday.

"Jimin, I didn't know you're interested in drama." Seokjin head of the drama club, pat him on the shoulder.

"I thought you're too busy with your academics stuffs." Recalling the incident when Seokjin offered him a position in the club a year ago.

"U-uh yeah, I start took an interest because Taehyung is so passionate about this club. And I make up my mind I wanted to try new things before this year ends so I guess why not." He rambles. He wince when he realized he was talking nonsense. Taehyung really rubs off his habit out of him.

Seokjin knit his eyebrows in confusion, "Well.. we're looking forward to have you here!"

"Oh look who it is! __! come here and meet our new member, Jimin."

"Hi!" You wave at him. Which he only reply with a nod.

He wanted to look cool in front of you but that probably only make him look like a cold hearted idiot so he squeak a high pitch, "I mean, hey!"

Seokjin who witness the whole thing pursuing his lips to muffle laughter while you only chuckles.

"I gotta go, I'm going to check up on others backstage." Seokjin dash out leaving the both of you alone.

"Welcome to the club!" You voice out. "Don't mind Seokjin, he always like that." 

Jimin nods knowingly, "Thank you."

When it's time to practice, Jimin's keep on messing up his lines. It was so embarrassing especially when you were watching him. Seokjin then decide to include Jimin in the crew team instead. Not that he mind since his purpose on joining the club is actually because of you. 

"So how long are you just going to stare at her like that?" Taehyung plops down beside Jimin.

"You know, you really got to make a move."

"It's not only you who had eyes on her, I overheard Jaehyun the other day." Taehyung glance at Jimin who's sulking.

"It's been what? four months already. There's no progress at all. All you've said to her was probably only hey, hi, hello and hello, hi, hey.”

"It's not that easy Tae, I've tried everything. But everytime I face her it's like my mind completely gone and I don't know what to do."

"I'm not good with words." Jimin slurs in such devastation tone.

"So what? Write her a letter, a poem or anything. You couldn't talk? Sing to her." Taehyung encourages word are getting to him until his anxiety builds up again.

"I don't think she will reciprocates my feelings, it will be useless."

"You never know unless you tried, the possibilities are endless my friend." He pats Jimin shoulder twice. "At least you've let out your feelings and stop bubbling it up inside."

"I-I think I have something in mind."

"Then let's do it, I'll help you."

Jimin preparations are complete, an hour long of Taehyung's Encouragement Class is enough.

He thinks he's ready to actually face you. Jimin couldn't stand still as he waits for your arrival.

"Jimin?" You call out as you walks in to the rooftop. "Hey, you said you wanted to talk to me?"

Okay, who is he kidding. He probably need another ten hours of Taehyung's Encouragement Class. His mouth gaping again just like a fish fresh out of water. 

After taking a deep breath he manage to addressed your name. He doesn't even realize that his hands become all sweaty, nervously he gulps then he press the play button on his phone.

'I really, really, really, really like you.

Do you want me, do you want me too?'

Carly Rae Jepsen's song plays out to represent his feelings.

Jimin eyes you with hope, biting his lip anxiously. Bleated, your eyes widen. Clearly shock by what is happening. When you don't reply immediately, Jimin already concludes your answer. He make up his mind.

"I'm sorry. Please forget this ever happened." Jimin runs away from you before you could say anything.

Jimin sat down behind the stage. He slumped down as he hug the calico cat props. He has been sighing for the past twenty minutes.

It doesn't go well as he thought it would, he regretted everything that he did. He cringed as he remembered what he has done. Why he choose that song in particular? It sounds too cheerful for his gloomy day. He was glad that at least you didn’t laugh at his face, that will be too painful for him to bear. If he could turn back the time he would. He prefers to keep his feelings away just so it means you won't look at him in a strange way like you did earlier.

"Jimin? Is that you? you haven't go home yet?" Seokjin's voice booming in the empty auditorium. "Can you help me cleaning up other props that the kids left on the stage. And sweep up the floor after the confetti Danbi just tried out. You could do that, right?"

"Yeah, sure." He answered. Getting up from his position to take a look at the stage. Jimin's eyebrows furrows when he notice that the stage is empty and clean.

Frowning Jimin turn his back to talk to Seokjin, but then the auditorium's speaker booming.

'I do love you, but it's all alright

I do love you, yes, I do now

I do love you, yes, I do now

I do love you'

He wince as the loud speaker stops, he look around to see you standing behind him on the other side of the stage. "I don't know any songs to describe my feelings other than Billie Stewart's."

Jimin stunned again, when he realized what just happened. He coughs, "You l-like me back?"

"Yes silly, I was about to tell you I feel the same way but you just ran away." You approach him.

"I don't know, I thought—" You stops him. "Whatever you thought, you're wrong. You did surprise me with your sudden confession. Not that it means I don't like you back."

Jimin let out a chuckles. He can not fight back a smile. You roll your eyes when Jimin doesn't make a move.

"Should I play another song?"

"Huh?" Jimin tilt his head. Grabbing your phone, you play another song that cause Jimin break into laughter.

'So kiss me kiss me kiss me

And tell me that I'll see you again

Cause I don't know if I can let you go'

"5 seconds of summer?" Jimin question.

"No, I'll give you 5 seconds to come here and kiss me you idiot." Jimin runs to you, he embrace you and kiss you breathlessly. You can still feel him smiling through the kiss.

You broke out the kiss when Taehyung yelled on top of his lungs from backstage, "You guys owe Seokjin and I three portions of cheese hamburgers!"

"No offense, but I don't really like hamburgers though." Seokjin quickly reply. "What? Why? How could you!?" Taehyung retorts. "I said no offense!"

They're bantering before come to an agreement. "Okay, you guys owe us food for the next three weeks!" He shouted again.

“Oh and Jimin?” 

“Yeah?”

“Your choice of songs sucks! Again, no offense!”

"Whatever." Jimin sighs, making you laugh. 

any kind of reposting or translations are strictly prohibited.

© 2019 bloomsjeon. All Rights Reserved.

[yeolsmuffin]

Crumbling Down [M] - Sehun || Two

Paring: sehunXreader, otherXreader

Genre: Smut, Angst || Best friend!Sehun

Summary: When friends with benefits goes horribly wrong.

Word Count: 9.5k

Teaser | One | Two | Three | Four | Five | Six |

Sehun’s POV Parts : Two

It was cracking away at who you were when Sehun helped you to your room and into bed. He tucked you in with a gentle pat on your head and a small smile as he left the room, still smelling like you.

Once he left and shut your door behind him, you waited. Counting the steps it would take for him to get to his room before you heard his door close and the lock click. You wondered why he locked the door – to keep you out or to keep him in? You weren't sure but the barrier between you two was laid out. No sleeping in bed with each other. But maybe if you had, you wouldn't be waiting exactly fifteen minutes after Sehun's lock clicking to unleash the crying of the night.  

Tears spilling down your cheeks as you sobbed into your pillow.

Every tear was for Oh Sehun but yet he never saw nor did he know because if he did, he would be gone and you would never be able to forgive yourself for losing your best friend.

The goal was to keep things between you two on the down low and five months in, you had managed to do so. It was strange to you because you hadn't even had actual relationships that long but yet you and Sehun had made your sex life and friendship work. Sehun had never slept with the same girl more than twice before so you knew it was a change for him - although, you knew very well what happened to the girls that Sehun got bored of and you were afraid you would be no different.

You guys never fought and you assumed it was because there was nothing to fight about since you weren't technically a couple but there were many times when he hurt you.

Today became the worst of those times and you tried to believe that it was a nightmare you'd wake up from.

But it wasn’t.

It was the first time you and Sehun had stayed in bed after sex and maybe that was because it was the middle of the day and Sehun was particularly sensitive for some reason he refused to speak of.

He rubbed your naked back gently with his hands as you laid against his chest. "Sometimes I think I'm going to explode. But then you bring me down from that point," he muttered.

You felt the same way but you didn't say it. "I know, Sehun," you said into his skin hugging yourself tighter into him.

"You're my best friend. I don't know what I'd do without you," he said nuzzling your head gently.

You laughed gently, "I know, you goofball. What's got you sentimental today?"

He shrugged, "I just realized how much you mean to me," and then he laughed, "Maybe this is why we don't cuddle after. It makes me really touchy-feely."

But he didn't cuddle with you because of his fear of commitment. "I like soft Sehun," you huffed out.

"You know this is my first time cuddling after sex," he admitted and when you looked up, he held a gentle smile. "You don't believe me when I say your ass is special, but look, exhibit A. I will cuddle no one else."

You rolled your eyes, "When you find the one, you will," and you couldn't ignore the slight bitter note to your voice.

Sehun scoffed, "That's all you, dollface. Not me. I'll be devastated when you find your 'person' but I know one day you will and I will be jealous I don't get your beautiful body anymore."

"How do you know I'll find my 'person'?" You wondered.

He gave you a soft look, "Because somewhere in this world, someone is meant to give you the world. You deserve it. I know I won't be the same way because I have never intended to give someone the world. I guess I’m too self-centered."

His words cut through you like knives and you tried to avoid pulling away from him. You wanted to dress and flee his room, only to cry once more, but you couldn't or he would know that something was up.

Before you could say anything, Sehun's bedroom door creaked open and you immediately saw Junmyeon, one of your and Sehun's close mutual friends standing in the door with furrowed brows until his eyes draped over your bodies and he immediately shot a hand up to his eyes. "Oh my God. Oh my. Oh," and he stood there awkwardly as Sehun chuckled and covered you with the blanket as he threw his boxers on.

"Hey, Jun, what's up?" Sehun asked casually as if nothing had happened. You stayed in bed, frozen with shock and embarrassment.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know you guys were together-"

"Woah," Sehun said with a firm tone, "We're not."

Damn. Talk about rejection.You could fill the ice take over your veins as your body grew cold.

Sehun pulled on jeans as Junmyeon dropped his hand from his eyes, "What?" He asked as his gaze dropped over to you and you were sure he could see how deeply you were blushing. "What do you mean?"

Sehun shrugged, throwing your clothes to you, "We've just been hooking up, it's nothing more than that."

You could feel the pain etch its way onto your face and by the way Junmyeon looked at you, you knew he could see it. "But you aren't dating?"

"No," Sehun said slowly.

"You guys are best friends, live together, are having sex, but won't date?" Junmyeon continued, staring at you as if he could see all of your secrets.

"Why would we? I don't date and I definitely wouldn't date my best friend. She's too good for me and I just honestly don't see her that way," Sehun admitted, not bothering to lower his tone. His words pierced you and immediately you met Junmyeon's eyes, silently asking him to leave the room.

"Oh...okay," Junmyeon said, "I'll wait for you out here. We are going to that party later, remember?" And after Sehun nodded, Junmyeon left and you avoided meeting Sehun's eyes.

Picking up your clothes, and wrapping the blanket around you, you headed for the door. Sehun captured your arm, "Where are you going?" He asked.

You shrugged, "To put my clothes on."

He tried to meet your eyes, "Do it in here, it's not like I haven't seen it all, dollface."

But you didn't want his gaze on your body, not after what he had said.

You were uncomfortable but the look he gave you felt challenging, so you changed quickly and tried to hide the tears until you were alone.

The last thing you wanted was him looking at your body like he owned it when he had no want to own it.

↣♜ ♜ ♜↢

A week after Junmyeon had walked in on the two of you, was when he had confronted you about it.

"What are you doing to yourself?" He asked gently as the two of you got hot chocolate together at a local coffee shop.

You shot him a look over your mug, "Nothing," you replied defensively.

He sighed, stirring his hot chocolate gently, "You don't owe me any answers, but we're friends and from what it looks like, you aren't having a healthy relationship with Sehun anymore. What happened?"

"Everything is fine," you whispered.

"Are you trying to convince me or are you trying to convince yourself?"

How did he know you so well?

While Sehun was your best friend, Junmeyon was almost just as close to you. Something about Junmyeon always stood out to you and you assumed it was the way he felt like he had to nurture those around him. He had always nurtured you when Sehun wasn't doing so. The times you would all go to a club together and Sehun would leave with a girl, Junmyeon would stay sober and be sure to give you his jacket on the chilly nights and drive you home.

So to say that he didn't really have the right to prod you for answers, wouldn't be right. He was always concerned about you and now was just another one of those times. You practically owed it to the man who had done so much for you.

But to say you were embarrassed was an understatement.

Junmyeon knew how Sehun was. You knew how Sehun was.  

The fact that you had fell victim to a part of Sehun you shouldn't have, was something you didn't want to share because you knew how much some of your friends look down on the way Sehun was. Junmyeon being one of those. And now he was looking at you as if he saw right through you... and it scared you.

"How long has this been going on?" He wondered but his tone wasn't overbearing. He wasn't pressing you to tell him but something about Junmyeon always made you want to tell him regardless.

You pushed the hot chocolate away from you, not wanting to drink anymore since you lost your appetite. "We've been sleeping together for five months," you groaned out.

Junmyeon put his hand on your arm, "I mean how long have you been in love with him?"

Your gaze snapped up to him and your jaw dropped, "I...I-"

"You think I'm blind, I've loved before so I think I know what it looks like when I see it – the miserable kind of love where you know it's doomed. So how long?"

Staring down at your hands, you breathed out through your nose with a huff, "I don’t know. Just one-day things changed and I loved him."

Without looking up, you could see how hard Junmyeon was shaking his head, "Friends with benefits is bull shit. It never fucking works. It's impossible to have sex with someone over and over and expect feelings not to develop. It's just a relationship that is selfish because it's saying you want someone but you don’t want to put in the work of an actual relationship."

Then, your gaze shot up and you stared at his dark eyes. He was so insightful at times that it baffled you. While you knew he was probably right, there was something different about your case. Normally, in the friends with benefits story, both friends secretly love each other – but here, with you and Sehun? You were in love with him but he only loved you as a friend. "Jun, you know Sehun. The relationship is working on his end. Just not mine."

"End it then."

"I can't."

His expression hardened, "Tell Sehun how you feel, Y/N. You're not expected to be his sex slave."

You shook your head, "I'm too afraid to lose him."

"This relationship is toxic and the sooner you see that, the better for you,"

Junmyeon looked at you with what could almost be considered a desperate expression. “Jun, I'll be okay,” but you were lying because you knew that you absolutely wouldn’t be okay. One day when this whole relationship with Sehun ended, the last thing you would be was okay.  

“I wish you would realize the position you're in. Sehun said right in front of you that he didn’t want a relationship. What do you think is going to happen? You're just going to get hurt.”

Tears pricked at your eyes, “I'm already hurt.”

Junmyeon caught your gaze, “Yeah, you may already be. But amplify that feeling times a hundred and that’s what you’ll feel when this all comes crumbling down.”

You didn’t want to face it but Junmyeon was right and it didn’t take him long to prove that.  

↣♜ ♜ ♜↢

Junmyeon’s talk didn’t stop you from coming home that night and caving to the very toxicity that was your relationship with Sehun.

How could you resist him when he said all the right things and touched you all the right ways?

You had avoided Junmyeon for a week and spent every night with Sehun and now, it was finally wearing on you.

Waking up with tears crusted on your cheeks and bruises on your body was the norm. Forcing yourself up out of bed before the sun rose used to be hard – but you weren't sleeping much at night anymore.  

In the shower, you felt yourself scrubbing your skin harder than normal as you tried to get the remains of Sehun from your skin. Junmyeon’s talk was haunting you and you felt the shame of the morning after - or well, week after. He knew what you were doing to yourself and Sehun and that made your shame all that much worse.

No matter how hard your nails scraped across the bruises and purple hickeys dotting your skin, they didn’t go away. Sehun marked you as if you were his property but yet, you would never get that privilege.  

You counted in the shower, moving slowly to wash your hair and every inch of your body so you could be sure when you got out, that Sehun would be gone. You didn’t want to face him this morning. In fact, you needed some time away from him. He owned your body too much lately and you felt weak.

It was sad how your friendship once was so fun. You didn’t have to be cautious the way you were now. You would shower quickly, walk out of your room in a t-shirt and underwear and make breakfast for the two of you. Sehun had to notice that something had changed for you because now you made sure you wouldn’t see him in the mornings. You were too vulnerable and you were sure he would be able to tell that you had been crying.  

Once you were certain Oh Sehun was gone, you got out of the shower with a jolt of cold air your body wasn’t used to after the hot scalding water you had used to wash away your sins.  

You went to work, trying your best to have bright smiles at the office even though you knew your judgmental co-workers could see the marks you struggled to cover but you hoped they wouldn't see the bags under your eyes that you coated with concealer. You dressed well enough that from far away you could seem put together with a long pencil skirt and crisp white blouse, but up close you wouldn't fool a soul.  

Thankfully you worked in an office so while you only had a cubical between you and your co-worker Kyungsoo, you felt contained from the judgment of others for the time being. Not that Kyungsoo ever judged you. He was the only one who didn't. He would ask how you were and when you said good, he wouldn't make an attempt to force a story out of you that he knew you had.  

Just like he did when he heard the familiar tap of your shoes across the tiled shoes. As you walked by his desk, he stood and offered you a smile. “I got you coffee this morning,” he said.  

You instantly felt yourself melt because even if it was the smallest of gestures, it meant so much to you. Especially when your world was crashing around you. “That is so kind,” you said as you gave him a smile back, “you know the ways to my heart.”

He nodded, “I figured it would give you a boost,” he said handing you the paper cup as he sipped his own. “It's your favorite, and plain black – ‘like your soul’,” he said repeating some of the words he told you before.  

A laugh escaped your lips and while it surprised you it felt so good. “You're much better than Amber and her friend with the unibrow,”

Kyungsoo snorted, “Of course I am. I don’t spend my work hours talking about who wore the worst shoes today.”

Placing a hand on the cubical wall, you laughed. “How are you today?” Kyungsoo was clearly shocked to see you in such a good mood and being the one to ask the question first because his eyebrows shot up. Something about his kindness was just touching you in all the right and tender places today. How could the simplest gestures and words do that? Especially after the crying fit you had last night.  

Friends outside of Sehun is exactly what you needed because he was the last thing on your mind when Kyungsoo had started to talk to you.

“I'm good, as always. I'm boring, you know that,” he said giving you a little wink. “My days and nights are spent reading books and drinking milk,” he laughed, “How are you today?” his eyes searched your face but his voice gave away nothing.  

But today, you decided to be more honest than normal. “Well, I'm alive.”

He was clearly expecting the normal lie that fell from your lips. He hummed for a moment, “Is there anything going on?”

You looked at him with dark eyes, “Yes.”

“Are you okay?”

“No.”

Kyungsoo chewed on his lip but kept his resolve. “Do you want to get out of the house tonight?”

Your demeanor that had gone dark, perked up. “What?”

“Do you want to do something?” he repeated. “It might make you feel better.”

With narrowed eyes, you gave him a half smile, “I thought all you did was read and drink milk.”

He pursed his lips, “Well, I can do other stuff too.”

"Sure," you found yourself saying before you could even process what Kyungsoo had said. The thing was, Sehun had the sex drive of well – a college boy – and this had you guys sleeping together regularly and almost daily. Would Sehun be upset if you weren't home when he was tonight? "What do you want to do?" You asked as you tried to push Sehun back to the back of your head. Maybe what you needed was to get away from him.

His nose crinkled, "Are you into art exhibits? I have a friend who has a showcase."

You raised a brow in interest, "I may be."

"There will be wine."

"I'm in," you said with a smile.

↣♜ ♜ ♜↢

Once work had ended, you and Kyungsoo had parted ways after he had given you a little pat on the back.

It was a bit after four and the art show started around six thirty so going home would be dangerous for those two and a half hours. Sehun would most definitely be home and while you should have told him you were going out, you knew he would coax you not to go just the way he had done before when you had tried to go out with other co-workers in the past at the beginning of your relationship with him.

You snorted to yourself. Lack of relationship fit better.

Grabbing your phone from your purse, you called the only other person you could trust. The person whose harsh disappointment that you didn't want to face.

"Y/N," Junmyeon breathed.

You paused, taking in the comforting sound of his voice. Even if he had made you feel worse, he had also made you feel better. "Jun, I have a favor to ask."

"Anything."

"Can I come to your house for like two hours?"

Junmyeon paused for a moment. "You don't ever have to ask."

After a fifteen minute drive, you arrived in front of Junmyeon's medium sized house. Your eyes shot around, looking at the house you had seen so many times before. You sighed. Somehow, his house felt like home to you and even more so now. When your eyes drifted over to the window, you could see him pulled the blinds down to look out and you laughed.

Before you could even knock, Junmyeon was pulling open the door and welcoming you inside.

"You look great," he complimented with a nod as the two of you stood by the door.

You tried not to let a blush heat on your cheeks, "I've been at work for over eight hours. There's no way I can still look good."

He scoffed, "You always look great.”

Regardless of your effort, your cheeks heated up anyway and you gave your friend a smile. “Thanks, you cheese ball. Now, do you have some of my clothes here still?”

He nodded once and then twice, “You used to crash here a lot back then,” he said referring to the time before the friends with benefits fuck fest you had with Sehun. “and you would always throw up on your clothes. So of course, I have so much of your clothes.”

Ignoring the memories surrounding your throw up soaked clothes, you played with your purse, “Would you mind if I showered and got ready here?”  

Junmyeon nodded again, wanting to ask why but not wanting to overstep.  

“I'm going to an art show with a co-worker and if I went home… I doubt Sehun would let me leave. I won't be home till late and I don’t feel like explaining it all to him right now. Especially when it's not a female co-worker.”

That look you didn’t want to see from Junmyeon crossed his face, “You don’t owe him anything. You deserve a nice night out, even if it's with a man. Go take a long shower, I'll whip you up something to eat, okay?”

The way Junmyeon’s eyes bored at you made you feel like he could see your soul but yet, you didn’t care. He was good to you even if he gave you tough love. He loved you the way Sehun should. As a friend and from a safe distance. Even if you had crushed on Junmyeon a while ago that didn’t mean you had to have a relationship like you and Sehun had. This was the real world and not everything had to come down to sex.

Giving him a tiny nod, you rushed off to shower. After finding some of your clothes in Junmyeon's spare room, you walked into the bathroom that was adjoined to the room and you couldn't help but smile and also grimace at the memories you had in that bathroom.

"Y/N," Junmyeon said gently. "Hey, are you in there?"

Your eyes fluttered open and Junmyeon's handsome face was over yours and peering at you as if you were an animal he was about to poke with a stick. "What?" You groaned groggily.

"You threw up all over yourself and then passed out on the floor."

You looked around and realized you were sprawled out on Junmyeon's guest bathroom tiled floor and alcohol scented throw up coated your neck, arms, and torso. The alcohol was still thrumming in your system because you felt dizzy and like you could throw up again. Junmyeon also had three eyes and if you remembered right, he didn't normally.

"Why did Sehun let you drink so much?" He asked with concern etched on his face.

Closing your eyes for a minute you remembered why exactly you were so drunk and that was because Sehun had ditched you for the first pretty girl he found and you were nursing a broken heart after learning that your mother's cancer had come back for the third time and it was more aggressive than ever. Sehun knew exactly that but he was too obsessed with watching beautiful women to care about what you were mentally going through. Even so, you knew he would be there for you when he came to the next morning. "M'he found a girl and left me alone."

Junmyeon had come to you when you drunk dialed him and you wailed about your mother's cancer on the phone. He had been at the club within ten minutes even though you knew it had to be at least double that from his house. You didn't miss the way Junmyeon's face contorted as he pulled you up gently. "Let's take a shower, okay?"

"But Jun," you whined as you drew out his name. "I don't want to."

He sighed and pulled you to a standing position even though you were covered in vomit. "You need to clean off, Y/N," he said in a gentle voice.

You grabbed his arms tightly and stared at him, "Don't leave me alone."

Patting your hair gently, Junmyeon gave you a once over. "What do you want me to do? You're covered in throw up and you need to get sobered up."

"Shower with me," you whined.

And so he did.

But not in a perverted or 'taking advantage of you' type of way but as a best friend who just wanted his friend to be cleaned up.

Keeping you in your bra and underwear and Junmyeon in his boxers, he cleaned you off gently while you clutched onto his arms to keep from falling. He was gentle and looked at you as if you were the most fragile piece of glass and in that moment you wondered why Sehun was the one you lived with and not Junmyeon.

He washed your hair for you, being sure to lather it to the very tips. You giggled as he massaged the shampoo at your roots, "What are you giggling about?" He questioned in a playful voice as he continued to work at your hair.

"You could work at a hair salon," you said laughing. "You're too good at washing someone else's hair."

He scoffed, "I work at a music production company, Y/N."

"Well, clearly this is your true calling."

And he couldn't help but laugh back at you.

That night, Junmyeon gave you some of his warmest clothes to wear while he washed the clothes that were soiled and let your bra air dry. He tucked you into the bed in the guest bedroom and gave you a gentle pat before leaving you to sleep. Which you did. Even with the weight of your mother's cancer weighing down on you, you slept well with the smell of Junmyeon all around you.  

That was just one of the many times that Junmyeon was the one to sober you up. It had been five months since the last time since you and Sehun didn't go to clubs anymore but the memories were still engrained in your head. Thinking about it now, he seemed to nurture you more than Sehun did and that thought hurt.

Why was Sehun your best friend? Junmyeon surely deserved that place.

You showered quickly, remembering all the times you had seen Junmyeon's bare chest in the shower and it left a blush on your face. He was so handsome and had a great body so it made you wonder why he wasn't like Sehun and constantly hooking up with girls. Although, Junmyeon was more of a gentleman than Sehun and a couple years older.  

There was a simple sundress that you had in the closet of the guest room so you paired that with some wedges that were tucked under the bed and after towel drying your hair, putting on Junmyeon's deodorant and some of the perfume you had in your purse, you left the bathroom.

When you entered the kitchen, you saw Junmyeon standing over the stove and humming softly to himself. "Thanks, Jun. I didn't realize how long it's been since I last stayed here but I appreciate you keeping my clothes."

Waving his hand and shaking his head, he laughed, "Of course. I was hoping it would make you visit more."

That made your heart sink. You had been so caught up in Sehun to have given your other good friend enough attention. Friendship was a garden and you had gone five months without watering it. Walking up to him, you wrapped your arms around his waist and gave him the warmest and tightest hug you could. Junmyeon didn't deserve to go without being 'watered'. He let out a bright chuckle.

"Aren't guys supposed to be the ones back hugging girls?"

"Oh shut up. This is my way to apologize for not being around more often."

When you released him, he plated the food he had been cooking and handed it to you. You looked down at that pasta with a smile.

Sharing the food with you and Junmyeon, the two of you caught up on what had been going on in the past few months while you tried to ignore the rapid vibration of your phone against your hip.

Being sure to not look at the calls and texts from Sehun, you texted Kyungsoo asking for the address, but instead, he asked for your address and picked you up thirty minutes before the art show.

Being the gentleman that he is, he met you at the door and gave Junmyeon a small smile when he saw the man standing behind you.

"This is Kyungsoo, Junmyeon. Kyungsoo, this is one of my best friends, Junmyeon."

The two men exchanged nods before Kyungsoo smiled at you. "Do you want to come along, Junmyeon?" Kyungsoo asked, "There's free wine," he added with a wink.

Junmyeon laughed, "That sounds great but I have a lot of work to do tonight."

You looked over at Junmyeon with puppy dog eyes hoping he would change his mind but he just playfully rolled his eyes.

"Just go, you can owe me a movie night later."

And you agreed as you and Kyungsoo made your trip to the art show.

↣♜ ♜ ♜↢

"Woah, she's hot! Where have you been hiding her?" The tall man with a sleek black shirt and blue slacks asked with a raised eyebrow. He was gorgeous, just as all the males around you seemed to be and you found yourself intimidated by it.

Kyungsoo grabbed the man's wrist when he reached out towards you. "Have some self-restraint, Chanyeol." He turned to you, still holding Chanyeol's wrist as Chanyeol winced in pain and whined for him to stop. "Y/N, this is Chanyeol. He's the friend I was telling you about."

You gave him a soft nod, "Nice to meet you, Chanyeol."

From his looks, you would have pegged him to be a model instead of an artist but when you followed him and Kyungsoo over to his part of the room, you stared in shock. His work was beautiful and dark. None of it was bright and beautiful like most of the work you had seen but it was all dark shades of blues, reds, and grays. Each painting made you feel the pain it looked like the tall man was hiding inside and instantly it made you want to hug him.  

"Wow," you said in awe.

Kyungsoo was next to you and he smiled. "He's good, isn't he?"

You were having trouble even blinking because of the beautiful art around you.

"If only he wasn't so annoying, I would think he was a genius."

Chanyeol nudged Kyungsoo and Kyungsoo just nudged back harder and you tried to ignore the two bickering. You hadn’t seen Kyungsoo so playful with someone and it made you want to laugh. "Chanyeol, this work is amazing. Really amazing. Breathtaking."

He strode towards you and pushed Kyungsoo away, "Thank you very much."

"How do you do it?" You wondered while looking up at his tall form, "Where do you draw all of this pain from?"

Chanyeol looked off in the distance and reached for a glass of wine that was on a table nearby him. "I have a lot of experiences and memories to pull it from."

Another heartbroken artist, you noted. It seemed too often that most of the artists of the world whether they make music, art pieces, or write were always the most tortured souls. You guessed that's why they were the best at creation though because they had been through some rough places. Surely, you had enough things from your life that you should be able to create something but it seemed that wasn't something you were good at.

The more you felt your phone vibrate, the more you worried about what Sehun was thinking, saying, or doing but you tried to not fret as you sipped at wine and followed Kyungsoo to different art works.  

"Are you okay?" Kyungsoo had asked as he pulled you to the side and away from the people mingling around you. "You have a look."

Biting your lip, you sighed. "It's nothing."

He raised a brow.

"It's complicated, Soo. Maybe I'll explain it later but I don't want to think about it right now."

Kyungsoo nodded, "Okay. Don't think about it then. Come help me make fun of Chanyeol."

↣♜ ♜ ♜↢

You went home late that night. After the show, you had spent a few hours out with Kyungsoo, Chanyeol and his friend Baekhyun and you had to admit it was more fun than you had in a while. The three men were like children in ways and after eating breakfast for a really late dinner, you went to an arcade.  

Going home after midnight for the first time in a long time was odd. You found yourself sneaking in very carefully so Sehun wouldn't hear you but to your dislike, Sehun was sitting on the couch when you came in, his eyes wide open and bloodshot.

"Where were you?" He asked with a slight slur to his voice.

You sighed. "I went out with a co-worker."

He glared at you. "But I was lonely and waiting for you for hours."

"I'm sorry," you whispered.

"You didn’t answer my calls, dollface," he finally stood and walked over to you. "I needed you to answer those calls."

He stood in front of you, smelling of a mixture of cologne, alcohol, and perfume? No, it couldn't be – why would he smell of perfume? His hands reached out, desperately grabbing your face as they shook. "Sehun-"

"You can't leave me alone, dollface. Don't do that again."

And with that, he pressed his lips to yours and while you weren't in the mood and you wanted so badly to push him away and take some control of your life, you couldn't. He was Sehun and he was a slippery slope.

Even though your skin seared as he touched the bare parts of your arms, you didn't push him away. His lips moving down your jaw in a sloppy motion that had your hands shaking too. His lips moved down to your throat, adding to the vast array of semi-fresh and fading marks you already had. Something had gotten into him tonight because he was tearing at your clothes in no time and he had made no movement to migrate to the bedroom. His calloused hands were rough against your skin and while he had the tendency to be rough, tonight was much more intense than you ever remembered. 

Sehun pressed you into the wall, forcing his tongue into your mouth when you opened your mouth to yelp. His kiss made you breathless.

You loved Sehun so much that you wanted to cry and even if you hadn’t had the intentions on sleeping with him tonight, now you did.

At first, you wanted to tell him to stop so the two of you could just have a friends night where you stayed up and played video games even though you had to work early in the morning - but his touch was intoxicating and you found yourself growing limp underneath him. Your heart was being fed from the touches and kisses of Oh Sehun and that made you never want to stop.

“I want you so bad,” the words escaped your lips before you could stop them and Sehun had a wicked grin on his face.

He all but tore your dress and undergarments trying to get them off but you were too far gone to notice as you helped him. You could feel your eyes shake with excitement as Sehun pulled his shirt over his head. Not only were you the one with marks decorating your skin, but Sehun had some too from you - but if you could remember right, you had never left any on his neck before so why did he have two small purple marks there now?

“Do you understand how you make me feel, dollface?” His eyes were wild, wilder than they had been in a while and it sent shivers down your spine as your eyes left his neck and focused on his eyes.

You couldn’t reply before Sehun had pulled down his pants in a haste and reattached your lips together. Reaching down to touch him, he smacked your hand away and instead grabbed one of your legs and hoisting it up. He smiled into the kiss as he roughly pressed two fingers inside your warmth and causing you to moan. His other hand gripped roughly at your leg as he thrust his fingers inside you, being sure to try to get you to scream.

“You know what I want to hear, beautiful,” he growled in your ear.

And it was that easy. That easy to have you crumbling underneath Sehun and screaming out his name. 

After bringing you to a rough and messy orgasm, Sehun lifted you up against the wall. His hands gripped at the backs of your knees as he pressed you even further against the wall and making your back ache but in the moment, you didn’t care. His hands may have been pinching at your skin but your body was thriving off it. Your body thrived off his touches sexually even if they were painful - although, Sehun knew you liked a little pain.

Draping one of your legs over his shoulder, he used his free hand to grab his arousal and rub it along your slit, making you moan out in anticipation. “What? Now you want me?”

You nodded desperately as he stared you in the eyes and chuckled. 

“Why were you out then? Instead of being home with me?”

Being so in the mood made your senses all fuzzy but you swore you could hear hurt in his tone. Why would he be hurt?

He didn’t let you answer as he thrust inside you. Your fingers shot out, finding their place on his shoulders as you cried out.

Sehun’s nails raked up and down your thigh a few times before his hand settled back on your knee and he picked up his pace, fucking you roughly into the wall.

The atmosphere between the two of you was different and it felt dark. Sehun looked at you as if he was punishing you in a way but he also looked at you like he was about to break.

He may have been being rough and making your back hurt, but you could still see your best friend if you peeled back the layers.

In that moment, you realized how fucked the two of you were.

Everything in your relationship was changing and not for the best.

It was evident even more when Sehun hit his peak, climaxed inside you and held you against the wall for a moment. He stared at you in a sort of shock before cleaning you up and leaving the room.

He didn’t tuck you in or make sure you were okay like normal and that made you cry even harder that night.

This time, it was you who locked the door.

↣♜ ♜ ♜↢

The next morning as you laid alone in bed, you tried not to cry. Last night with Sehun was different and you weren't sure if it was because he was drunk – or what - but something was off. Sehun was rough and while he got that way in the past during sex, this time was worse. He gripped you so tightly that the bruises were darker than normal. Most often they were small but now, you could see them thickly on your skin and you weren't sure how to hide the ones that spotted your arms.

He had gotten so possessive – but why? Why was he possessive over something he refused to have? You weren't in a relationship so why did he try to claim you in a way that wasn't his to claim.

You wanted to run away. To leave Sehun and stay on the other side of the world if you could and depart the impending doom that was your relationship – but you couldn't. Without him, were you even anyone at all? Without loving Sehun, who were you? It had been long enough that you didn’t remember anymore.

You loved him so much that it hurt.

But what was it getting you? More and more pain. Sehun trying to have ownership of you when you weren't his. What was going on?

Deep in your heart, it told you to end things then and there before it got any toxic but instead, you covered the marks and found yourself going to work.

Kyungsoo watched you with careful eyes upon seeing the marks and you knew he wanted to ask where you had gotten them but instead, you came close and whispered, "Are you in danger?"

That made you laugh. Yes, Sehun was rough but he wasn't hitting you or anything like that. He had just gotten carried away – not that you could tell Kyungsoo that. "No," you said with a laugh. "Nothing of that sort." Although it was consensual, you still felt hurt even as you laughed it off. It wasn’t marks you were proud to bear even if you did love Sehun and things were consensual.

Kyungsoo continued to watch you though. Maybe waiting for a warning sign that you needed help you wouldn’t ask for.

Around your break time when fatigue was starting to hit you, Junmyeon started to call. With a smile, you picked up the phone feeling your heart lighten up. "Hey, Jun."

"Hey," he said shortly and you heard him breathe out a few times before sighing. "Listen, can I see you after work?"

His tone instantly brought you back down and you looked at your nails nervously. "What's going on?"

"Don't stress yourself too much. I just want to talk about some stuff that needs to be in person."

Kyungsoo looked at you in worry once you were off the phone and had agreed to wait for Junmyeon to pick you up from work.

"I'm okay, Soo. Don't worry about me."

He knew better though.

If you said you were 'okay', it most definitely didn't mean that you were okay.

Something told you it was about Sehun and whatever it was, you didn't want to face it. Couldn't you curl in a ball and not face the world?

Junmyeon was waiting for you the second you clocked out and it made you smile. He was a busy man and the fact that he was such a gentleman to you truly meant the world. He was accommodating to you and it caused an embarrassing blush to cover your cheeks.

Walking out with Kyungsoo, you gave him a half-hug as the two of you parted and Junmyeon got out of the car to open the door for you. "You look beautiful, as always," he said as he gestured for you to get into the car and once you were buckled with all limbs inside, he shut the door and jogged around to the other side of the car.

"How was work?" He asked in a gentle voice as he started the car and backed out.

"The same as always," you said watching the scenery change as you made your way onto the main road. "How long do you plan on beating around the bush?" You wondered.

He bit his lip and his dark eyes flashed over to yours for a moment, "Until we get to my place."

"Jun," you whined feeling your heart hammer against your chest. So, it was bad. It was really bad if he couldn't tell you out right.

He shook his head. "Tell me about that little black-haired boy, Kyungsoo."

Crossing your arms over your chest and trying to calm your heart and head, you looked out the window. "I'm not a thirteen-year-old girl. Not every boy around me is someone."

Junmyeon cocked his head to the side and kept his eyes on the road. "Well, you did avoid telling Sehun and you got dressed up to go out with him so I assumed-"

"You know I love, Sehun," you groaned and resisted the urge to bang your head against the window.

Junmyeon winced. "I know. But I was just hoping-"

"That I'd be interested in someone else?"

He nodded.

"Me too," you whispered.

Licking his lips, he flicked a hand at you. "I can see the bruises. He's not very gentle with you, is he?" His question was thick with judgment but you didn't take it to heart. It was Junmyeon. One of your best friends outside of Sehun and if he was judging anyone, it was Sehun. "You deserve better than that, you know. Rough is good and all, Y/N, but that is too rough."

Chills traveled down your skin.

You wanted to shrink into your seat. "It was a one-time thing," you mumbled.

"What?" He said and you could see him cringe. "When did it happen?"

"That's personal."

"Y/N," he pushed. "Please."

"Last night."

"After the art show? Late at night?"

You glanced at him sideways, his tone had increased to a high pitched one. "Yeah. Why?"

His mouth clamped shut and his hands tightened around the steering wheel.

"Junmyeon."

But he refused to say anything else and turned up the radio until he pulled up to his house and opened the car door for you. His eyes were dark and unreadable as he helped you out of the car and into his house.

Once inside, Junmyeon unbuttoned the top buttons of his dress shirt and plopped onto the couch, patting the seat next to him.

Once you sat down, his eyes watched you just as your eyes watched him. Junmyeon didn't always look this harsh and worried and the fact made your heart want to launch straight from your chest.  

"Are you and Sehun exclusive?"

So you started to shake.

"E-exclusive?"

Junmyeon put a hand on your arm. "Yes, are you and Sehun only sleeping with each other – I already know he won't date you but did you both agree not to sleep with anyone else?"

You grabbed onto Junmyeon's arm tightly as you nodded.

"Okay, so I know I said one time..." Sehun trailed off as the two of you ate lunch together.

You looked up at him as you stirred your tea as your eyebrow flicked up. "And it's been what, ten times since then?"

He gave you his signature smirk. "What can I do? It's all you."

You scoffed and kept your gaze down at your plate. "What's your point?"

"Let's make this a little more permanent," he suggested and you froze.

Permanent?

Did he want to date?

Your heart woke up from its cold slumber inside your chest and you felt it palpitating. Why were you suddenly feeling like a school girl again? It was just Sehun and you just were just friends.

Right?

"Permanent?" You said as you cast your eyes upwards at him and damn – was he handsome or what?

"Not like that, don't look so scared. I would never be in a committed relationship," but you weren't scared. You were excited for a moment until he crushed that. What were you even thinking? "just like a friends-with-benefits thing. You get laid without having to worry about a douche bag boyfriend and I don't have to worry about going to a bar and wasting money to pick a girl up. We benefit each other that way."

What could it hurt? You liked sleeping with Sehun the past almost dozen times and it wasn't something you really wanted to give up yet. The two of you couldn't get hurt if you agreed it wouldn't be more than sex. But you were still unsure. "I don't know... I don't want to ruin our friendship and I definitely don't want to sleep with you if you're going to be getting other girls on the side." Sehun had slept with some questionable girls in the past and you didn’t want any part of that.

Sehun scoffed, "For one if our friendship was to get ruined wouldn't it already have? We've fucked like ten times and two, I would only sleep with you," he must have caught your shocked glare because he immediately stuck his hands up, "What? You should trust me! Sure, I don't want to stick to one girl but that's because they want a relationship – you know that's not what I'm offering. If I have you to sleep with, I don't need anyone else."

"So exclusive? Just me and you? No sleeping around behind each other's backs?"

He gave you a look, "Not that you would sleep around behind my back,” and he made a good point. Even if it wasn’t a traditional relationship, you would be loyal. Sehun knew that. He went on, “besides, we already fulfill each other sexually as you know. So yes, exclusive."

And you couldn't ignore the excitement in your stomach about having Sehun all to yourself.

"Yes, we are exclusive."

Junmyeon made a choking sound. "I need you to listen to me."

Your grip tightened around Junmyeon's arm. "Please, Jun."

He closed his eyes and licked his lips as he gripped your arm himself, "Sehun took a girl home last night."

The feeling of the world crashing down around you hit you and you knew that if you had been standing, you would have fallen over.

You wanted to leave, throw things, cry, and hit Sehun all at the same time. You were angry and it felt like your vision may have well been red. Junmyeon gripped you tightly as if he had seen it coming and you wanted to fight his hold but you couldn't. Instead, tears fell from your eyes as he pulled you into his arms and held tightly.

So Sehun had slept with another girl and while that had bothered you that he breached the agreement, there were other things that had bothered you more. One being that you were in love with him and even though he wouldn't give you the relationship you wanted, you didn't try to find that somewhere else. You stayed loyal to a man that you expected to at least stay loyal sex wise. Secondly, you were hurt that not only had he slept with another girl, but he slept with her and then slept with you – as if nothing had happened.

At no point did he try to talk to you about it and you hadn't had a single text message from him all day.

You were also mad at yourself.

You should have known better.

But you trusted. Trusted your best friend not to do something to you that he knew you didn't like. Was he planning on telling you at all?

All you knew was that you wanted to explode and that you would have if Junmyeon wasn't holding you together like glue.  

"I can't believe he did that to you. He should have never been with you the same night he was with someone else," Junmyeon whispered in your ear, "You deserve so much better. A man that will have you and only you because you are enough."

"But am I?" You asked with a sob.

Junmyeon rubbed your back. "Yes. Yes, you are," his voice was firm, "Don’t let any boy make you think any differently."

You hadn't ever felt such a distaste for your best friend. You had seen him doing similar things to girls in the past, but then you thought nothing of it. It wasn’t you so it didn’t bother you. Which made you feel idiotic. Why would you be different than one of his other girls?

Where in Sehun’s brain did it tell him that you would be okay with this?

It was as if even through your tears, you could taste the revenge that you wanted so badly. You wanted to hurt Sehun and hurt him good – and you knew just what would get him.  

Not only were you nursing a broken heart but now you were filled with rage,

He had hurt you and not considered your feelings so now you would do the same because you would be damned if you wouldn’t fight fire with fire.  

↣♜ ♜ ♜↢

Jongin was one of Sehun’s best friends besides Junmyeon. The best part about their friendship was that Jongin was attracted to you and unlike you and Junmyeon, the two of you weren't friends. Not that you disliked each other, you just weren’t close.

It would be easy to rope Jongin in on your plan. 

And that it was.  

All it took was you texting him to meet up at a bar nearby your and Sehun’s apartment.

He looked at you with dark eyes and in that moment you took the time to notice how different looking he was as opposed to Sehun. He was basically tall, dark, and handsome whereas Sehun was tall, sleazy, and hot.  “You’ve never invited me out before,” he noted taking a drink from his glass, “I'm surprised.”

“I'm bored of Sehun,” you lied as you felt your heart sink into your stomach. Jongin knew of your arrangement with Sehun you found out because Sehun had to explain to his friend why he wasn’t out chasing girls anymore.

He licked his lips and pointed to your legs which were bare since you were wearing shorts. The bruises were visible for anyone to see. “Are you now?”

“Contrary to the looks of it, yes.”

Jongin looked off into the distance. “Why are you just now coming to me?” he flirted. “I have been trying to get you in my bed for years.”

“How do you know I’m trying to get in your bed?” you played coy.

He scoffed. “Why else would you text me? I’ll be very disappointed if this is just two friends getting a drink together.”

Now it was your turn to scoff, “We’re not friends.” And fuck, it was good you weren’t.

“I agree and while I was going to warn you that I wouldn’t be so gentle considering we aren’t friends, but it looks like you’re used to rough - and maybe even rougher than I like it.”

You bit your lip, “Can you make me forget about Sehun?”

He laughed. “I can make you forget everything.”

Being sick in the head at that time, you decided to bring Jongin back to your place instead of going to his. You were going to sleep with Jongin right under the same rough that Sehun had slept with another woman under.

That’s the kind of sick revenge you were going for.

You wanted Sehun to smell Jongin on you and on your sheets.

You wanted him to hurt like you did.

Maybe you would even fuck Sehun right after Jongin just to fully get your payback. Oh you were going to fight with a fire bigger than Sehun’s had been. Sure, he had slept with another girl when you were exclusive and you were about to do the same - except with one of his best friends.

Jongin was different than Sehun and it excited you. You could feel your blood pumping in your veins and your body anticipated every touch Jongin placed on your skin.

His kisses were a different temperature than Sehun’s. He didn’t kiss you so frantically but he also didn’t kiss you like he loved you. He kissed you like he wanted you to forget Sehun and the more he did it, the closer you got.

If you thought his kisses were nice, his body was even better and you took note as you ran your hands down his abdomen. Jongin smirked, “Sehun doesn’t look like this, does he?”

You shook your head but that’s the last name you wanted to hear so you fully stripped Jongin down being surprised that he had let you have so much control. He was sitting on the edge of your bed as you bent down in front of him. There was a mischevious glint in his eyes as you bent down and wrapped your lips around Jongin’s arousal.

He cried out as you dipped your head, taking Jongin as far as you could and feeling his thighs tremble under your hands.

Licking your way back up his length and dropping back down a few times, you started to get lost in Jongin. You couldn’t help the moans that came from your throat even though he hadn’t touched you. It was like you were hypnotized and you lost track of time while you had Jongin crumbling beneath you. You got so caught up to the point that you almost forgot it was Jongin and not Sehun until that very person that you didn’t want to think about, came barging in your bedroom.

“What the fuck?” 

Calmly, you lifted your mouth from Jongin and he was staring at you in shock.

Looking back at Sehun, you glared at him.

“What the fuck are you doing, dollface?”

“Exactly what the fuck you did to me.” You stood up, pulling your top back on and throwing Jongin his pants that were on the floor.

Pushing past Sehun, you tried to fight the angry and ashamed tears.

He tried to stop you. To come after you as he yelled multiple comforting and hurtful things at your back. Things like ‘I care about you’ and ‘how low are you to fuck my best friend?’.

Jongin dressed and followed behind you, helping you leave the house as Sehun’s verbal assault and protests carried on.

An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind, but you were already blind as it was. Blinded by love and hatred for Oh Sehun.

↣♜ three ♜↢

|masterlist|

a/n: Congrats to my Exo babies for bringing home another daesang!! 

[orbemnews]

Chicago indoor dining reopens as city, suburban Cook Co. move to Tier 1 CHICAGO (WLS) — From Chicago to Suburban Cook County, many are celebrating the milestone as “a step towards normal” in what has been very abnormal times. Chicago and Cook County were moved Tier 1 mitigations on Saturday, state health officials announced, giving restaurants and bars the all-clear to resume some indoor dining. WATCH: Gov. Pritzker gives latest on vaccines, restrictions, new variant on Jan. 22, 2021 “We have long pushed for the careful resumption of limited indoor dining, and I am thrilled that we have made enough progress in the fight against COVID-19 to reopen our businesses and bring workers back,” Mayor Lori Lightfoot said in a statement Saturday. “As we enter this next phase, I again call on all businesses and residents to make sure we continue moving forward by following the guidelines for safe indoor dining and committing to the safety precautions that helped us flatten the curve a second time.” Rick Bayless, Chicago chef and restauranteur said the reopening will breathe much-needed life to a deflated industry. “I will tell you there were so many people on our staff here that were actually in tears when our first customers came back in,” Bayless said, who is the owner and chef at Frontera Grill. His staff has been tracking regional COVID-19 positivity rates in anticipation of getting customers back indoors. “When the rumors started swirling around our staff that it was going to be able to happen, there was a spike in everybody’s eyes to be able to know that we’re going to be able to do what we do best once again and that’s an exciting thing for us in the hospitality profession,” said Casey Cora, Frontera Grill spokesperson. “We have been busy today. Thank God! It’s a blessing to be back open,” said Peytyn Willborn, owner of Truth Italian Restaurant in the city’s Bronzeville neighborhood. Back in suburban Cook County, business owners rejoiced as they welcomed customers back indoors after the city and suburban Cook County were officially given the go-ahead to move into Tier 1. “As soon as I saw that email, it was a breath of fresh air,” said Chris Manolis, Owner of Blueberry Hill Breakfast Cafe. However, Peytyn Willborn is still cautiously optimistic, knowing with this pandemic anything can change. “We’re keeping our fingers crossed. We don’t want to get too excited because she might shut us back down in a month or two weeks and we’re back to where we started,” said Willborn, the owner of Truth Italian Restaurant in the city’s South Side. Both Chicago and Cook County restaurants and bars are now able to reopen for limited indoor dining as the COVID-19 test positivity rates in Regions 10 and 11 continue trending down. “So we will be able to know tomorrow if they in fact meet their criteria and it’s looking like they will get there. So that announcement will be made tomorrow,” Illinois Public Health Director Dr. Ngozi Ezike said. Under the Tier 1 restrictions, bars and restaurants can open for indoor dining at 25% capacity or 25 people max per room. Food must be available at all times, but can be provided by outside vendors for those without a food license. Tables must be six feet apart, face coverings required except when actively eating or drinking and establishments must close by 11 p.m. “I think that we should be opening everything back up as soon as it’s possible to do so safely and so I’m happy that we’re on that path,” said Lakeview resident Elan Karoll. The city will be responding to complaints of egregious violations, but anticipates very good compliance from bars and restaurants. “And I think this is why you see the progress in the numbers continuing to go down, because for the most part, people are really trying to do their best to keep, not only their customers, but their families and their employees safe,” Chicago Dept. of Business Affairs and Consumer Protection Commissioner Rosa Escareno said. Lori Lightfoot issued a statement Friday that said: “I am thrilled that Chicago has made sufficient progress in the ongoing fight against the deadly COVID-19 virus to allow indoor service at bars and restaurants in the very near future. This pandemic has been devastating for businesses and their workers, especially for bars and restaurants, and I know that this move will provide much-needed relief at a critical time. Our businesses have stepped up repeatedly to save lives throughout this crisis and I am thrilled that we will soon be ready to take this step to reopen more businesses and get employees back to work. As we prepare for easing of restrictions, I call on all of our businesses and residents to once more commit to what works to fight the spread of COVID-19. Only by wearing masks, maintaining social distance, avoiding large gatherings, following the business regulations and getting the vaccine when it is available, will we be able to continue moving forward in our reopening plan.” SEE ALSO | Chicago COVID-19: City moves into Phase 1B next week, Arwady says Tier 1 mitigation measures currently allow the following: Restaurants and Bars Can reopen indoors at lesser of 25% or 25 people per spaceFood must be available at all times in order to offer indoor service. This means that bars, taverns or breweries without a food license can reopen indoors as long as they partner with a food establishment so that food is available to patrons at all times (e.g., making menus available and allowing delivery, allowing patrons to order from third-party delivery services).Table size limited to no more than four people per indoor table and six people per outdoor tableFace coverings must be worn at all times, except when patrons are seated and actively eating or drinking.Patrons must be seated whenever they are eating or drinkingTables must be six feet apartIndoor service limited to no more than two hoursAll bars and restaurants must close at 11 p.m. Meetings, Social Events and Gatherings Events will be limited to lesser 25 guests or 25% of overall room capacity both indoors and outdoorsIndoor events will be able to serve food or drinks, but indoor service guidelines must be followed:o Face coverings must be worn at all times, except when patrons are seated and actively eating or drinkingo Four people per indoor tableo Patrons must be seated whenever they are eating or drinkingo Tables must be six feet aparto Indoor events must end at 11 p.m.Household gatherings limited to no more than ten people Other Industries Most other industries limited to 40% capacity with 50 people max within a room or spaceIndoor fitness classes can expand to the lesser of 15 people or 40% capacityFace coverings worn at all times, with the exception of limited instances such as for personal services that require their removal “We’re just adding classes exponentially to accommodate the demand, but it’s an exciting time. It brings a tremendous amount of energy back into the locations,” said Gale Landers, founder and CEO of Fitness Formula Clubs. WATCH: Indoor dining returns in Will, Kankakee counties State health officials announced that Illinois Region 7 – Kankakee and Will counties – had moved into Tier 1 mitigation Thursday, allowing indoor restaurant and bar dining service for up to 25 people or 25% capacity per room, whichever is fewer people. Some restaurants, including George’s in Lockport, have been serving customers inside even while it was officially banned by the state. But the team there is still excited by the news and hope it will make more customers feel safe enough to drop in for a bite. Manager Lauren Straub said she was elated to learn that limited indoor dining can resume in Will and Kankakee counties. “People are gonna feel comfortable and, you know, want to come in and they feel safe enough to come in and dine with us,” Straub said. In nearby Romeoville, Gio’s breakfast was still mostly empty after the indoor dining reboot announcement. But manager Giselle Evangelista is thinking her dining room will be an attractive option for people hoping to keep their social distance. “It’s really really big,” Evangelista said. “I feel like people are gonna see that on our Facebook page.” And with more in-person dining, she’s hoping her staff will see more tips – which haven’t been as plentiful with take-out orders. “Since our servers rely on tips, that will help us out a lot more because that’s basically what we live off,” she said. WATCH: Why some restaurants won’t reopen even if restrictions loosen Even when restrictions are lifted in the city, some restaurants still won’t be reopening for now. “25% (capacity) makes us lose money, 50% (capacity) makes us lose money,” said Jodi Fyfe, owner of Eden in the West Loop. But for Chicago restaurants that want to reopen indoor dining, city officials say that may be possible as soon as this weekend if the current trends hold. Copyright © 2021 WLS-TV. All Rights Reserved. !function(f,b,e,v,n,t,s) if(f.fbq)return;n=f.fbq=function()n.callMethod? n.callMethod.apply(n,arguments):n.queue.push(arguments); if(!f._fbq)f._fbq=n;n.push=n;n.loaded=!0;n.version='2.0'; n.queue=[];t=b.createElement(e);t.async=!0; t.src=v;s=b.getElementsByTagName(e)[0]; s.parentNode.insertBefore(t,s)(window,document,'script', 'https://connect.facebook.net/en_US/fbevents.js'); fbq('init', '120854971962341'); fbq('track', 'PageView'); Source link #Chicago #chicagobars #chicagoindoordining #chicagorestaurantreopening #chicagorestaurants #City #cook #dining #illinoisindoordining #illinoisrestaurantreopening #indoor #indoordining #indoordininginchicago #indoordiningnearme #isindoordiningallowedinchicago #move #pritzkerupdate #reopens #restaurantsreopen #suburban #Tier

[inloveandwords]

Happy Almost-February everyone!

It’s time for another one of my TBRs which is really just a ‘suggested list of books I may or may not read,’ because I’m such a moody reader.

This month I’m planning on participating in Contemporaryathon, so I’m going to include that TBR here, too.

Contemporaryathon Round 6 Info

Dates: 2/10 – 2/16

Hosts:

Chelsea from Chelseadolling Reads

Julie from Pages and Pens

Natasha from MyReadingisOdd

Challenges:

read a contemporary book with green on the cover

read a contemporary from a new to you author

read a diverse contemporary (keeping in mind that it is Black History Month!)

read a backlist contemporary (something that has been on your TBR for over a year)

 read a dark/hard-hitting contemporary

 read a contemporary with an illustrated cover

read a contemporary that is beloved by a member of the book community (and shout out the creator!)

Books I’m Hoping to Read:

Credence by Penelope Douglas / book with green on the cover I keep seeing this book around and the hype has absolutely gotten to me. I’m dying to read it and it’s on Kindle Unlimited!

Tiernan de Haas doesn’t care about anything anymore. The only child of a film producer and his starlet wife, she’s grown up with wealth and privilege but not love or guidance. Shipped off to boarding schools from an early age, it was still impossible to escape the loneliness and carve out a life of her own. The shadow of her parents’ fame followed her everywhere.

And when they suddenly pass away, she knows she should be devastated. But has anything really changed? She’s always been alone, hasn’t she?

Jake Van der Berg, her father’s stepbrother and her only living relative, assumes guardianship of Tiernan who is still two months shy of eighteen. Sent to live with him and his two sons, Noah and Kaleb, in the mountains of Colorado, Tiernan soon learns that these men now have a say in what she chooses to care and not care about anymore. As the three of them take her under their wing, teach her to work and survive in the remote woods far away from the rest of the world, she slowly finds her place among them.

And as a part of them.

She also realizes that lines blur and rules become easy to break when no one else is watching.

One of them has her.

The other one wants her.

But he…

He’s going to keep her.

Thirty Day Boyfriend by Whitney G. / new-to-you author This is one I have on my Audible Escape wishlist. It’s only a couple hours long, so it’s perfect for a readathon. I’ve also never read anything by this author, so it works for the prompt.

I should’ve never agreed to this arrangement…

Thirty days ago, my boss—Mr. Wolf of Wall Street, came to me with an offer I couldn’t refuse: Sign my name on the dotted line and pretend to be his fiancée for one month. If I agreed, he would let me out of my employment contract with a “very generous” severance package.

The rules were pretty simple: No intimate kissing, no actual sex. Just pretend to love each other for the press, even though I’ve secretly wanted to knock that sexy smirk off his face since the first day we met.

I definitely didn’t need to think twice about this. I signed my name and started counting down the seconds to when I would never have to deal with his special brand of ass-holery again.

I only made it to one minute…

We argued the entire four-hour flight to his hometown, failed to make a convincing impression with the welcoming press, and right when I was about to knock that arrogant look off his face in real life? He purposely dropped his bath towel in front of me, distracting me with his nine-inch cock to “show me who the bigger person was” in our relationship. Then he gave me his trademark smirk once again and asked if I wanted to consummate our marriage.

Tragically, this is only day one. We still have 29 more days to go…

Behind the Bars (Music Street #1) by Brittainy C. Cherry / diverse contemporary I’ve been absolutely obsessed with Brittainy C. Cherry lately after discovering her last month. I’m determined to read her backlist and this one just happens to be on Audible Escape!

When I first met Jasmine Greene, she came in as raindrops.

I was the awkward musician, and she was the high school queen. The only things we had in common were our music and our loneliness.

Something in her eyes told me her smile wasn’t always the truth. Something in her voice gave me a hope I always wished to find. And in a flash, she was gone.

Years later, she was standing in front of me on a street in New Orleans. She was different, but so was I. Life made us colder. Harder. Isolated.

Caged.

Even though we were different, the broken pieces of me recognized the sadness in her. Now she was back, and I wouldn’t make the mistake of letting her go again.

When I first met Jasmine Greene, she came in as raindrops. When we met again, I became her darkest storm.

The Infatuation (The Josh & Kat Trilogy #1) by Lauren Rowe / backlist book I actually can’t believe I haven’t read this trilogy yet because I’ve been dying to hear this couple’s story. Just in time for the Reed Rivers Trilogy coming out in Feb.

It’s a war of wills between stubborn and sexy Josh Faraday and Kat Morgan. A fight to the bed. Arrogant, wealthy playboy Josh is used to getting what he wants. And what he wants is Kat Morgan.

The minute Josh Faraday meets feisty, vivacious Kat Morgan, he wants her. Not for a relationship, of course. He doesn’t do those. He wants her in his bed. But, to his shock and extreme frustration, Kat won’t play by Josh’s rules like all the others. No, this stubborn woman declares she won’t so much as kiss Josh until he divulges some highly personal information . . . But it’s something Josh has never told anyone, and won’t be telling Kat. Not over his dead body, no matter how gorgeous and sexy she is.

But the chemistry between the pair is explosive, scorching hot electricity like nothing he’s felt before. Oh, God, he’s got to get a taste. He figures all he has to do is wear the sexy woman down with is patented “playboy razzle dazzle”—show her the hotness she’s missing out on and she’ll cave, like all the rest . . . The only problem with that strategy? It’s Kat’s strategy, too: she plans to wear Josh down and get what she wants by showing him the hotness he’s missing out on.

It’s a war of wills. A match to the bed. Who will crack first? And when they do, will either of their hearts be on the line?

Disgrace by Brittainy C. Cherry / hard-hitting contemporary Brittainy is known for writing hard-hitting books, and I’m sure this one will be no different.

Each day I prayed for my husband to love me again.

After fifteen years together, he walked away from me, and into the arms of another.

I didn’t know how to cope. I didn’t know my worth. I didn’t know how to exist without him by my side.

All I wanted was for him to come back to me.

Then, Jackson Emery appeared.

He was supposed to be a distraction for my mind. A summer fling. A confidence boost to my bruised heart.

We were perfect for one another, because we both knew we wouldn’t last. Jackson didn’t believe in commitment, and I no longer believed in love. He was too closed-off for me, and I was too damaged for him.

Everything was fine, until one night my heart skipped a beat.

I didn’t expect him to make me laugh. To make me think. To make my sadness somewhat disappear.

When our time was up, my heart didn’t know how to walk away.

Each day I prayed for my husband to love me again, yet slowly my prayers began to shift toward the man who wasn’t right for me.

I prayed for one more smile, one more kiss, one more laugh, one more touch…

I prayed for him to be mine.

Even though I knew his heart wasn’t destined to love.

Get a Life Chloe Brown by Talia Hibbert / illustrated cover This has been sitting on my Kindle, haunting me as I hear everyone rave about it and I’m excited to get to it ASAP! I’m really looking forward to the chronic illness rep as well.

Chloe Brown is a chronically ill computer geek with a goal, a plan, and a list. After almost—but not quite—dying, she’s come up with seven directives to help her “Get a Life”, and she’s already completed the first: finally moving out of her glamourous family’s mansion. The next items?

Enjoy a drunken night out. Ride a motorcycle. Go camping. Have meaningless but thoroughly enjoyable sex. Travel the world with nothing but hand luggage. And… do something bad. But it’s not easy being bad, even when you’ve written step-by-step guidelines on how to do it correctly. What Chloe needs is a teacher, and she knows just the man for the job.

Redford ‘Red’ Morgan is a handyman with tattoos, a motorcycle, and more sex appeal than ten-thousand Hollywood heartthrobs. He’s also an artist who paints at night and hides his work in the light of day, which Chloe knows because she spies on him occasionally. Just the teeniest, tiniest bit.

But when she enlists Red in her mission to rebel, she learns things about him that no spy session could teach her. Like why he clearly resents Chloe’s wealthy background. And why he never shows his art to anyone. And what really lies beneath his rough exterior…

The Bromance Book Club (Bromance Book Club #1) by Lyssa Kay Adams / loved by a member of the book community It’s not just one member of the book community that has been raving about this book, I’ve heard SO many people gush about it and I’m so excited to pick it up!

The first rule of book club: You don’t talk about book club.

Nashville Legends second baseman Gavin Scott’s marriage is in major league trouble. He’s recently discovered a humiliating secret: his wife Thea has always faked the Big O. When he loses his cool at the revelation, it’s the final straw on their already strained relationship. Thea asks for a divorce, and Gavin realizes he’s let his pride and fear get the better of him.

Welcome to the Bromance Book Club.

Distraught and desperate, Gavin finds help from an unlikely source: a secret romance book club made up of Nashville’s top alpha men. With the help of their current read, a steamy Regency titled Courting the Countess, the guys coach Gavin on saving his marriage. But it’ll take a lot more than flowery words and grand gestures for this hapless Romeo to find his inner hero and win back the trust of his wife.

  Here are the non-readathon books I’m hoping to read this month:

Rage (Stormheart #2) by Cora Carmack I finished Roar, the first book in this series in January and this book happens to be on Audible Escape, so I’m planning on finishing it.

Princess or adventurer.

Duty or freedom.

Her Kingdom or the Stormhunter she loves.

If Aurora knows anything, it’s that choices have consequences. To set things right, she joins a growing revolution on the streets of Pavan.

In disguise as the rebel Roar, she puts her knowledge of the palace to use to aid the rebellion. But the Rage season is at its peak and not a day passes without the skies raining down destruction. Yet these storms are different—they churn with darkness, and attack with a will that’s desperate and violent.

This feels like more than rage.

It feels like war.

  Call it What You Want by Brigid Kemmerer After reading and falling in love with the first two books in her Cursebreakers series, I decided I really want to give her contemporaries a try!

When his dad is caught embezzling funds from half the town, Rob goes from popular lacrosse player to social pariah. Even worse, his father’s failed suicide attempt leaves Rob and his mother responsible for his care.

Everyone thinks of Maegan as a typical overachiever, but she has a secret of her own after the pressure got to her last year. And when her sister comes home from college pregnant, keeping it from her parents might be more than she can handle.

When Rob and Maegan are paired together for a calculus project, they’re both reluctant to let anyone through the walls they’ve built. But when Maegan learns of Rob’s plan to fix the damage caused by his father, it could ruin more than their fragile new friendship…

This captivating, heartfelt novel asks the question: Is it okay to do something wrong for the right reasons?

  Bringing Down the Duke (A League of Extraordinary Women #1) by Evie Dunmore I’ve heard so many good things about this book – particularly that it is great for people who don’t normally read historical romance. I also happened to get it as my Book of the Month book in Jan.

A stunning debut for author Evie Dunmore and her Oxford Rebels, in which a fiercely independent vicar’s daughter takes on a duke in a fiery love story that threatens to upend the British social order.

England, 1879. Annabelle Archer, the brilliant but destitute daughter of a country vicar, has earned herself a place among the first cohort of female students at the renowned University of Oxford. In return for her scholarship, she must support the rising women’s suffrage movement. Her charge: recruit men of influence to champion their cause. Her target: Sebastian Devereux, the cold and calculating Duke of Montgomery who steers Britain’s politics at the Queen’s command. Her challenge: not to give in to the powerful attraction she can’t deny for the man who opposes everything she stands for.

Sebastian is appalled to find a suffragist squad has infiltrated his ducal home, but the real threat is his impossible feelings for green-eyed beauty Annabelle. He is looking for a wife of equal standing to secure the legacy he has worked so hard to rebuild, not an outspoken commoner who could never be his duchess. But he wouldn’t be the greatest strategist of the Kingdom if he couldn’t claim this alluring bluestocking without the promise of a ring…or could he?

Locked in a battle with rising passion and a will matching her own, Annabelle will learn just what it takes to topple a duke….

  Hunted by Meagan Spooner I feel like I keep almost reading this book, but never quite do. It’s a beauty and the beast retelling and I am always here for those.

Beauty knows the Beast’s forest in her bones—and in her blood. Though she grew up with the city’s highest aristocrats, far from her father’s old lodge, she knows that the forest holds secrets and that her father is the only hunter who’s ever come close to discovering them.

So when her father loses his fortune and moves Yeva and her sisters back to the outskirts of town, Yeva is secretly relieved. Out in the wilderness, there’s no pressure to make idle chatter with vapid baronessas…or to submit to marrying a wealthy gentleman. But Yeva’s father’s misfortune may have cost him his mind, and when he goes missing in the woods, Yeva sets her sights on one prey: the creature he’d been obsessively tracking just before his disappearance.

Deaf to her sisters’ protests, Yeva hunts this strange Beast back into his own territory—a cursed valley, a ruined castle, and a world of creatures that Yeva’s only heard about in fairy tales. A world that can bring her ruin or salvation. Who will survive: the Beauty, or the Beast?

  The Beginning of Everything (The Rising #1)  by Kristen Ashley This is a full-cast narration that I am SO excited for. It’s available on Audible Escape.

From the unparalleled imagination of New York Times best-selling author Kristen Ashley comes an enchanting new audio-first fantasy romance series that will sweep you away!

Once upon a time, in a parallel universe, there existed the continent of Triton. The land was filled with beauty, but it was also splintered by war. Out of the chaos grew a conspiracy to reawaken the Beast, a fearsome creature who wrought only tragedy and devastation. The only way to stop him was to fulfill an ancient prophecy: Triton’s four strongest warriors must wed its four most powerful witches, binding all nations together and finally bringing peace to the land.

This is the story of their unions: the quiet maiden Silence and the savage king Mars. The cold warrior Cassius and the fiery witch Elena. The steadfast soldier True and the banished beauty Farah. And the pirate king Aramus and the mysterious queen Ha-Lah. Their unions will not be easy, but each couple must succeed, for the fate of their world is at stake….

  One True Loves by Taylor Jenkins Reid It’s been a while since I’ve sat down with a Taylor Jenkins Reid novel and this is one of her backlists that a friend of mine recommended.

In her twenties, Emma Blair marries her high school sweetheart, Jesse. They build a life for themselves, far away from the expectations of their parents and the people of their hometown in Massachusetts. They travel the world together, living life to the fullest and seizing every opportunity for adventure.

On their first wedding anniversary, Jesse is on a helicopter over the Pacific when it goes missing. Just like that, Jesse is gone forever.

Emma quits her job and moves home in an effort to put her life back together. Years later, now in her thirties, Emma runs into an old friend, Sam, and finds herself falling in love again. When Emma and Sam get engaged, it feels like Emma’s second chance at happiness.

That is, until Jesse is found. He’s alive, and he’s been trying all these years to come home to her. With a husband and a fiancé, Emma has to now figure out who she is and what she wants, while trying to protect the ones she loves.

Who is her one true love? What does it mean to love truly?

Emma knows she has to listen to her heart. She’s just not sure what it’s saying.

  Heartbreak Warfare by Heather M. Oregeron, Kate Stewart I picked this book up at the recommendation of many people who attended Shameless Book Con, and I’ve heard others talk about it as well. It’s supposed to be super emotional, so if I’m feeling like that kind of romance, I’ll be reaching for this one.

Briggs,

Remember when we parted ways in Germany? It was the day I broke your heart. What you didn’t know was that I was breaking mine too.

I thought they’d be enough–my husband and my son. That I’d get home and everything would go back to the way it was . . .

Before the war. Before the ambush. Before you.

But, no matter how hard I try, I can’t erase the trauma we shared. I can’t seem to forget the way my heart beat in time with yours.

The truth is I’m lost without you.

I thought the nightmare was over when they pulled us from that hole in the ground, but nothing could have prepared me for the war I’d face at home. I know it’s selfish of me to ask, but, please, I have to see you one last time. . .

All my love, Scottie

  The Right Swipe (Modern Love #1) by Alisha Rai I’ve heard a lot of good things about this and I found it on Scribd!

Alisha Rai returns with the first book in her sizzling new Modern Love series, in which two rival dating app creators find themselves at odds in the boardroom but in sync in the bedroom.

Rhiannon Hunter may have revolutionized romance in the digital world, but in real life she only swipes right on her career—and the occasional hookup. The cynical dating app creator controls her love life with a few key rules:

– Nude pics are by invitation only

– If someone stands you up, block them with extreme prejudice

– Protect your heart

Only there aren’t any rules to govern her attraction to her newest match, former pro-football player Samson Lima. The sexy and seemingly sweet hunk woos her one magical night… and disappears.

Rhi thought she’d buried her hurt over Samson ghosting her, until he suddenly surfaces months later, still big, still beautiful—and in league with a business rival. He says he won’t fumble their second chance, but she’s wary. A temporary physical partnership is one thing, but a merger of hearts? Surely that’s too high a risk…

  Passion of Park Ave by Lauren Layne Lauren wrote my all-time favorite Friends-to-Lovers romance: Blurred Lines and everyone has been raving about this series. It’s available on Scribd!

From the author of the New York Times bestselling Stiletto and Oxford series, the first in a sizzling new series following the unlikely friendship of three Upper East Side women as they struggle to achieve their dreams and find true love and happiness in the city that never sleeps.

For as long as she can remember, Bronx-born Naomi Powell has had one goal: to prove her worth among the Upper East Side elite—the same people for which her mom worked as a housekeeper. Now, as the strongminded, sassy CEO of one of the biggest jewelry empires in the country, Naomi finally has exactly what she wants—but it’s going to take more than just the right address to make Manhattan’s upper class stop treating her like an outsider.

The worst offender is her new neighbor, Oliver Cunningham—the grown son of the very family Naomi’s mother used to work for. Oliver used to torment Naomi when they were children, and as a ridiculously attractive adult, he’s tormenting her in entirely different ways. Now they find themselves engaged in a battle-of-wills that will either consume or destroy them…

Filled with charm and heart and plenty of sex and snark, this entertaining series will hook you from the very first page.

  Love from A to Z by S. K. Ali Not gonna lie, I’m a little scared to read this one because there is Multiple Sclerosis rep in it that is supposed to be pretty heartbreaking, and I’m not sure if I can’t quite handle it, but we’ll see.

A marvel: something you find amazing. Even ordinary-amazing. Like potatoes—because they make French fries happen. Like the perfect fries Adam and his mom used to make together.

An oddity: whatever gives you pause. Like the fact that there are hateful people in the world. Like Zayneb’s teacher, who won’t stop reminding the class how “bad” Muslims are.

But Zayneb, the only Muslim in class, isn’t bad. She’s angry.

When she gets suspended for confronting her teacher, and he begins investigating her activist friends, Zayneb heads to her aunt’s house in Doha, Qatar, for an early start to spring break.

Fueled by the guilt of getting her friends in trouble, she resolves to try out a newer, “nicer” version of herself in a place where no one knows her.

Then her path crosses with Adam’s.

Since he got diagnosed with multiple sclerosis in November, Adam’s stopped going to classes, intent, instead, on perfecting the making of things. Intent on keeping the memory of his mom alive for his little sister.

Adam’s also intent on keeping his diagnosis a secret from his grieving father.

Alone, Adam and Zayneb are playing roles for others, keeping their real thoughts locked away in their journals.

Until a marvel and an oddity occurs…

Marvel: Adam and Zayneb meeting.

Oddity: Adam and Zayneb meeting.

        February TBR/Reading List: including #contemporaryathon picks! Happy Almost-February everyone! It's time for another one of my TBRs which is really just a 'suggested list of books I may or may not read,' because I'm such a moody reader.

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Manuwa understands massive factors are coming if he beats Oezdemir | UFC &reg

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Manuwa understands massive factors are coming if he beats Oezdemir | UFC &reg

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Just a couple of several hours absent from the greatest struggle of his profession, now would appear to be like a fitting time for Jimi Manuwa to take a minute to mirror on the rollercoaster trip his 37 decades of everyday living have made.

Saturday evening in Anaheim, Manuwa squares off with Volkan Oezdemir in the opening bout of the UFC 214 major card in a bout that could incredibly very well establish the No. one contender in the gentle heavyweight division. Four fights later, the title each adult males are chasing will be on the line, as champion Daniel Cormier defends his title from Jon Jones in the greatest grudge match to grace the Octagon in decades.

The gentle heavyweight standout’s journey to this stage has coated a ton of floor. He was born in California and expended his early decades in Nigeria prior to his family members settled in London. He fell in with a tough crowd, obtained in fights and was barred from the clubs prior to shelling out time in jail for burglary. It wasn’t until following he obtained out, as his 20s started off winding down, that he obtained fascinated in mixed martial arts.

Now he’s a single of the leading fighters in his division, a single of the most risky knockout artists in the activity and a single of the most recognizable and attained British fighters in the UFC.

“My everyday living has just been my everyday living and the story carries on,” said Manuwa, who has picked up consecutive Effectiveness of the Night bonuses heading into Saturday’s major card opener with Oezdemir.

“I haven’t seriously sat back again and considered about it, but I assume I may create a book – get a ghostwriter to create a book – since the book, I assume, would be a ideal-seller since I have been via so a great deal in my everyday living and it’s been ups, downs, ups, downs and it has been seriously fascinating.

“Sometimes I talk to my mates and they are like, ‘I don’t forget when this happened’ and it’s like, ‘Oh s**t!’ but I do not seriously search back again – I search ahead.”

His focus on constant ahead motion, which aptly describes his stalking fashion in the cage as very well, arrived in useful in the wake of his most the latest victory – a hometown knockout gain over Corey Anderson in March.

Next the contest, Manuwa built his case for a title shot and a back again-and-forth with Cormier ensued, but Jones’ return was verified shortly following and it only built sense for the former champion to action right in from his archrival this summer. The highly effective Londoner understood and speedily shifted his attention to Oezdemir following the Swiss newcomer gathered his second gain in four months and agreed to confront him this weekend in Anaheim.

“The moment the struggle was built, my sole focus was on Volkan,” said Manuwa, who will be combating in the United States for just the second time and arrived in Southern California early in buy to get correctly acclimated in advance of this weekend’s card. “I have to concentrate on him since he’s a risky fighter and I search ahead to tests my capabilities from his.

“I wasn’t pissed about the Jones factor since I do get it – Jones is possibly the best fighter ever in the Octagon and which is a massive significant struggle, I assume – but at the same time, I know that beating Volkan, massive factors are coming my way, so it’s a single additional gain.”

In just two fights, the newcomer from Switzerland has recognized himself as a respectable threat in the gentle heavyweight division. Soon after edging out perennial contender Ovince Saint Preux on quick see in his marketing debut, Oezdemir opened a ton of eyes by knocking out surging contender Misha Cirkunov in just 28 seconds 16 months later in Stockholm.

He agreed to confront Manuwa prior to arriving at the article-struggle push convention pursuing his bout with Cirkunov and has built it clear from the bounce that not only is he eager on standing with the devastating ability puncher on Saturday, but also that he intends to knock him out in the opening round as very well.

The bold prediction and bravado have zero impact on Manuwa, an skilled sniper inside of the Octagon with layouts on delivering one more “one shot, a single kill” performance this weekend.

“To me, he’s just one more system,” he said in regards to Oezdemir’s assertions. “He has not obtained just about anything that I haven’t viewed prior to as much as wonderful boxers, wonderful kickboxers. We’re completely ready for just about anything he poses. I’m completely ready and I’m wanting ahead to punching via his guard and penetrating his system.

“I struggle the way I struggle and if he desires to attempt and match the way I struggle, it’s going to be his downfall. No subject what he does, he’s going down. I do not seriously care what he states I’m coming to do damage as regular.”

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