#I have…. probably a third of the prose? and most of the plot

[stylishanachronism]

I wish I had the illustrative and writing skills that dream!me had goddamn

[kwamiwayzz]

Jeckole Fic Rec List Part II

(Art by emilu-enjuagas on Twitter)

I'm doing another one of these, but more for newer-ish fics. The more well-known ones are the most Kudos'ed fics you'll see on AO3 (for good reason), but I thought I'd give some love on some fics that probably aren't getting as much attention since the fandom isn't as active as it was last year.

Similar to the last rec list that I had, I'll mostly be sharing my thoughts that may or may not talk about the plot for each fic.

Candied Consideration by Kayleen756894 - This is by the same author who wrote Inscriptions (aka one of my favorite Jeckole fics), and while I haven't read it yet, I can always trust this author to deliver. It's a crossover fic, which may not be everyone's cup of tea--but, it's a crossover fic with Heathers (that one musical I haven't seen). I know nothing about Heathers, but based on some of the things I've been hearing about this fic, it's that one crossover that a lot of people didn't expect they needed. Both source material are pretty similar in terms of vibes which makes it fit pretty well for someone who's primarily a Class of '09 fic reader. I have yet to read this, but it's Kayleen, so...I'm sat.

Even When It's Quiet by mlpvsbojackhorseman - I didn't get a chance to read the old version when it was still running, but the author ended up revamping it and is currently on Chapter 2 with a darker tone. As someone who loves hurt/comfort Jeckole (especially fics that touch more on the darker aspect of mental health), this was that type of fic I was looking for to scratch that itch. I want to note that the tags include Dead Dove, but the author mentioned it's more for exploring really taboo subjects as Jecka and Nicole's relationship progresses.

God, I'm Very, Very Frightened I'll Overdo It by Fox_Is_Fandumb - I believe this fic has been around while the fandom was much more active, but it recently updated earlier this month and thought to put it on this list. I don't care if people say it's OOC for Nicole and Jecka because I'm vanilla and like seeing them happy. But what makes this not as "OOC" for me personally is that their core personality traits are still retained in some way despite being more mellowed out. It's meant to be a collection of oneshots during their (Jecka's) college years, most of which are pretty fluffy. If you're looking for some light-hearted fluff between the two that takes place after high school, you should give this a read.

Wanweird by AbsurdofOurs - I didn't think I'd find another fic that gave me the same feeling as Progman's Jeckole, but this was definitely the one. Nicole is peak loser in this one, and I love it. She's living in Emily's car and sells vapes to kids on the playground, all while still thinking about her situationship with Jecka back in high school. I say that this gives me the same feeling as Progman's Jeckole since their dynamic is largely inspired by Codepedent Philosopher's Guide to Staying Alive. And honestly, I eat that kind of codependent dynamic up so good. I love the interactions between Nicole and Jecka, and there were some scenes where I found myself laughing because of the comedic timing. I love the way that this author writes Jecka and Nicole's dialogue, and if you're looking for a specific codependent flavor of Jeckole, this is the fic for you.

Reflection by Kayleen756894 - Another Kayleen fic, but this time, it's a Halloween special. I read this when it came out and the pining on Nicole's end made me think I was witnessing her in a glass closet. Nicole is a vampire in this one, surprise, surprise, but she also craves Jecka's blood--the same friend who may or may not let her have a hit when she gets hungry. The part I love the most about this fic (aside from the prose) is the banter between the two. It was definitely needed after everyone's disappointment from the third game lol. If you're looking for a fluff(?) Halloween-themed fic, this is for you.

sweetgirl by jackdotcom - This was a really sweet fic I read (while I was bedridden from my Illness Part II) that takes place around Christmas. It's broken up into three chapters (though can easily be read in one go), and it has Nicole and Jecka having a shitty time but decide to spend the Christmas day together pretending that it's not Christmas.

Last Night in Town by bunmoder - I actually read this last night, and I believe they're a newer writer that came in, but I loved the way they wrote the overall mood of this fic. It's a more bittersweet Jeckole fic, but it's also very fluffy during the quiet moments.

I Was Never Complete Without You by MentalCrit09 - Also another post-Flipside fic, but for those people who hated the FYE Roadtrip route. It focuses more on Jecka's recovery back into normlacy after being rescued from that distasteful ending. It's not super angsty and has enough balance between the heavy subjects of what Jecka went through as well as the general fluff after reuniting with Nicole. For anyone who really wanted a fix-it fic/happy ending fic from arguably one of the worst endings from Flip Side, this fic is for you.

Laughter of a Faded Star by Progman - This actually isn't an old fic, and also a bit of a strange one. However, after my hesitation from reading a very AU-divergent fic, I thought this deserved to be on here. I've mentioned before that I tend to lean more towards Jeckole fics where they're adults, so that's most likely why this is here. I do want to mention that it feels very divorced from the original source material, but Progman explains it enough in both the writing and their author's notes to why Nicole and Jecka are the way they are here. Nicole isn't super fucked up here since her dad never shot himself, but because of that, she and Jecka never met in high school. This is more of an AU where they meet as adults, where Nicole is a part-time comedian while Jecka is a therapist/psychologist. It might not be up everyone's alley, but I enjoyed reading it and seeing how their meeting played out as their alternate selves.

And that's it, for now at least. I really wanted to try and focus more on newer/recently updated fics (post-Flipside) despite throwing in some older ones. It's not a very long list, but hopefully I can create a Jeckole masterlist one day (including Explicit works) that has fics stretching back from post-Re-Up.

I'll probably have a general Class of '09 rec list at some point because while I'm mostly a Jeckole monoshipper, there have been some fics for other pairings that I thought were well-written. But we'll see when I'm not too lazy to make that one lol.

[jiubilant]

I really admire your writing style. Your word choice always feels so deliberate, and every piece is like a really detailed miniature. Just beautiful.

I wanted to ask what influences you think shaped your writing style the most. I'd love to hear anything about your writing process, if you have the time. Thank you!

really kind question thanks :') had me cogitating a bit

i think reading a range of authors and genres over the years has most helped me figure out how i'd like my writing to move and sound. have to cite le guin first when it comes to influences as her work was very inspirational to me when i started writing seriously. her short story "the wild girls" is a great example of a piece in which every phrase is both beautiful and necessary—i appreciate economy in prose when it's elegantly done + serves the flow of the story but i get cranky when there's nary a line of interiority or fresh figurative language to be found in a whole damn book lol. le guin's one of those writers with a musical and always forward-flowing style that balances economy with evocation...updike comes to mind as another from what i've read of his work. i really admire how mantel handles third-person prose in the present tense and sofia samatar + mary renault are masters of first-person narration. there really isn't a pedestal high enough for samatar. and—less a stylistic influence than a plot-structuring teacher—i've been reading some robin hobb recently and her writing has been a real masterclass in how to knock a character down and make them get up again

as far as my writing process goes—i tend now to start a short piece by writing its climax first and then growing the rest of it out of that load-bearing moment of action or pathos. usually the part of the story that comes to me first is the punchiest + most-fun-to-write bit and from then on it's a matter of figuring out the buildup and the falling action

per esempio i put down on paper awhile back some of a piece that bridges the gap between "shurri as ravi's apprentice" and "shurri as ravi's foster-daughter"...the whole thing is more or less together in my mind (shurri reaches the end of her contracted apprenticeship and believes that ravi's about to send her away + in a fit of hurt and terrified spite she steals his savings and wrecks his house and waiting-door + he finds her hiding-place and manages to coax her back home with two hundred years' worth of practiced grace and patience) but most of what i've written of it so far is this bit—

—which is likely the most emotional part of the story and i've spoiled it lol. but when i finish this one in ten thousand years you'll hopefully have forgotten

dialogue also comes randomly to me all the time so i've got many a no-context dialogue exchange floating around in my wip document...sometimes a whole piece grows out of a snatch of dialogue that i find particularly fun or inspiring but usually i'll just write these exchanges down in order to enrich my understanding of the characters' voices + they serve a purpose in that sense but never find their way into anything bigger

this is probably my favorite thing to yap about so i appreciate the ask :)

[snarkformysanity]

Review: Captive Prince (Series)

Okay, I've finally finished the lot! And... much like with my review of the first book, I was pleasantly surprised overall. The second and third books are an improvement on the first, with the second probably being my favourite one not just because it's purple I swear. I think overall I'll give the series a B-. I want to give it a B, because there's really some goods things here which I enjoyed, but I do have some gripes which I'll go into below. Well, one gripe, really, but it's a big one. This review is not spoiler-free, so... you've been warned.

The plot of the series overall is fairly straightforward - our protagonist, Damen, Prince of Akielos, is captured by his half-brother during a coup and sent to the nation of Vere to be a slave for its crown prince, Laurent. The two hate each other, initially, but gradually become allies of necessity and develop a grudging respect, which blossoms into something more. While this is happening, they're trying to outmaneuver Laurent's uncle, the Regent of Vere, at various political machinations (which are surprisingly decent, for YA/NA), culminating in their making a play to win both their countries back.

I must say, the pacing throughout the series was very good. Nothing really felt like filler, which is always nice, and despite the relatively short length of each book, a lot manages to happen. I very much enjoyed the dynamic between our leads as it evolved and developed - they have legitimate grievances with each other, but at the same time, the series manages to build their relationship off a sense of actual growing admiration for each other (rather than just "he's hot", like in many other books I've had the misfortune to read). Like they're actually observing each other's personality traits. Very refreshing. And they do have some legitimately cute moments.

About my only gripe with the plot/pacing is that the ending felt a little... abrupt. I mean, I get why - their plans for the future which were alluded to (uniting Akielos/Vere) would take a smiiiidge longer than a chapter or two to resolve, but even so. We could have at least gotten Damen to the physician, surely. The man was stabbed ffs. I mean, we're told he'll be fine, but still.

I also didn't really mind the worldbuilding (with the caveats that I discussed in my review of book one regarding how it handles its darker topics). It's not an especially huge or deep world, but there's enough details to make the story work and make the world feel real enough. It draws very heavily on Ancient Greece and Late-Medieval France for Akielos and Vere, respectively, but does some unique and interesting things with them.

Honestly, apart from the book one caveats I mentioned (which, admittedly, are toned down a bit in the subsequent books), my single biggest gripe with the series is probably just the technical quality of the writing. Sure, it's better than, say, Twilight or Fifty Shades, but that's really not a high bar to clear. The prose is very, very basic, and sometimes suffers from awkward phrasing or odd, disconnected dialogue segues and such. More than once I legitimately had no idea what the characters were talking about, because they spoke only in weird allusions that just did not seem to be connected to anything that was going on.

Probably one of the most noticeable (and frequently-occurring) examples of this was with the use of pronouns (or lack thereof). And sure, it can be hard to be clear about who's doing what when 99% of the cast is male, and thus you're stuck using "he" all the time. But, if you find yourself using a character's name six times in a single (short-ish) paragraph, you need to go back and reword something.

When he returned, Damen let Laurent towel him down, with the sweet, unanticipated attentiveness that was also part of the way Laurent behaved in bed. He sipped from the shallow cup that Laurent provided, and poured water for Laurent in turn, which Laurent didn't seem to expect. Laurent sat awkwardly upright on the bedding.

Seriously. At least two of those "Laurents" could easily have been pronouns, and I'd even settle for an epithet like "the other man" just to break it up a bit. It's awkward and clunky. Pretty much any time I found myself pulled out of the narrative, it was generally because of the writing itself. It wasn't constant, but it was often enough to be annoying.

In the acknowledgements section at the end of the last book, I noticed that this series apparently started life as a web serial which, honestly, goes a long way to explaining both this and the sex-obsessed nature of the first book in particular. And, again, honestly, I'm surprised the rest of it hung together so well. Authors who made their names on the web have a bit of a reputation in this sphere, after all (Cassandra Clare. Sarah J. Maas. E. L. James. You get the idea). There was clearly a lot of love and care put into things like the plotting, the characters and their dynamic, and the setting - it honestly makes me excited to see what C. S. Pacat will do going forward, as they improve their technical skills in writing.

But, yes, it is the writing which drops it from a B to a B-. It's just really hard to justify rating it higher with the kind of clunkiness that crops up regularly throughout it. But, apart from that, and the YMMV nature of the series as discussed in my review of the first book, it's a solid series, in my opinion. It's entertaining. I was invested in the story and characters. And it holds together well.

[sundayworshipper]

*~Orthodoxia

«Sunday x Gn! Reader»

🪦| SFW, Angst, Undefined relationship, can be read as romantic/platonic (bed sharing, cuddling)| WC: ~11K

⚰️| CW: Inspired by the song Orthodoxia by Guchiry, misplaced religious worship (fictional religion), Sunday is a priest and cult leader, Small town cult setting AU, Third person prose (reader is referred to as [Name]), Major character death, Minor character death, Murder, SH? (Sunday), Allusion to suicide, Graphic descriptions of violence, Non sexual grooming, A bird dies, Ena=God, Gopher sucks ASS, mostly Sunday angst with reader being there sometimes, English isn’t my first language, non chronological, first fic ever （╹◡╹）

Credit for the commandments to Guchiry

A/N: This is so long 💀.. There’s a few plot holes? and the writing is kinda repetitive but i spent too long on this not to post. Extra warnings, beta read but not proofread, reader char is intentionally bland, not canon compliant/OOC-ish ∩^ω^∩.

EDIT: Oh god this got much more attention than I was expecting. I am (slowly) working on rewriting it 🤍

1. God’s great grace is given to those who are completely faithful.

Sunday inhaled deeply while tugging at his pristine white glove in an attempt of straightening it. In his mind, he looked like a complete mess, completely unfit for a High Priest. His Master and founder of the One True Religion, Gopher Wood, had recently taken his last breath, finally succumbing to the horrible illness that had tormented him for years. As his adopted son, the gray-haired halovian was to take on his duties post-haste. The young man only took half a day to compose himself enough to make a public statement. He probably would have taken longer, had he actually cared to pretend to grieve.

Upon deciding he was satisfied with the state of his attire, Sunday stepped out of the sascrity, taking his place at the pulpit. The gazes of all of his Master’s- no, his own followers, locked onto him, confused and impatient to hear the reason for Mr. Wood’s absence at yesterday’s service.

The man smiled, hoping that the way it didn’t reach his eyes wasn’t very obvious. After a few moments, he just decided to close them.

The fear of rejection by his followers felt as if it was rapidly piercing holes trough his insides, however, he knew that THEY wouldn’t fail him when he needed THEM most. After all, the first ever thing taught to those interested in the religion, is that good things come to those who believe.

2. Only the high priest is permitted to take God's name in vain.

“Fuck! God fucking damn it!” An unfamiliar voice screamed from an alleyway, which Sunday was just about to pass while on his routine walk. His wings twitched, and the ones on his torso tensed. He contemplated if this even counted as a violation of the second commandment, as the use of the words ‘God’ and ‘Lord’ had less restrictions than the uttering of the true name of the one they were referring to. He also thought about the possibility that ‘God’ was the three-faced idol the next town over worshipped, that maybe one of them had snuck in. He ultimately decided that using any heavenly title accompanied by such words was disrespectful, and he’d try to steer the speaker onto the right path, be they a follower of Order, Harmony, or something else entirely.

Despite the amount of information he mulled over, he really didn’t spend long thinking before rushing into the alley.

“Are you alright?” He inquired to the person that had emitted such obscene words just moments ago. Their clothes didn’t reflect those of a citizen in this town, nor the neighboring one’s. They whipped around to face him, wearing a frightened expression.

“Ah..Huh?” The emotion of surprise seemed to overshadow that of fear. Sunday gave an amused smile at this.

“Do not be afraid. I am Sunday, messenger of Ena. I heard you…Cussing, earlier. Judging by your attire, you are a foreigner, which explains that. However, I feel as if I should inform you that such an act is quite worrisome here.” He could no longer suppress his giggle, which confused the stranger.

“What’s so funny?”

“Hmm..Do not worry. Mind telling me how to address you? And, if you’re comfortable, what brings you here?” Sunday stepped closer, and leaned in towards the person.

“I’m [Name].” They replied, taking a step back. After spending a moment deciding whether or not to reveal the circumstances that led up to them ending up where they did, they concluded that he was trustworthy.

Sunday listened, and considered their words carefully.

“I see. Since you have no home, would you like to live with me, for the time being? I’ll help you find a job. All I ask is that you attend church and clean up after yourself.” He offered his hand, wings relaxing.

[Name]’s breath hitched. It wasn’t like they had many choices… If they stayed on the streets, they’d most certainly die. If they went with Sunday, the outcome had a slightly lesser chance of being the same.

After thinking very carefully, they took Sunday’s hand wordlessly.

3. Those who do harm to God's messenger, the high priest, will be expelled.

As much as Sunday wished he could forget the worshippers of Xipe existed, trade between the two towns was beneficial for everyone. After the death of Gopher Wood- who refused any sort of contact and terminated the transaction of goods-, Sunday begrudgingly sent one of his trustworthy followers to request that the old commerce deal be reinstated. And so, it was.

To the average citizen, all seemed well. However, Sunday could notice the way everyone that interacted with Xipe’s Worshippers on a regular basis attended church less and less often. He tried to brush it off as them being busy with such an important new task. This was until, on the seventh day’s service, the holiest of all, one of the traders defied the rules and interrupted Sunday’s sermon by standing directly next to him. The halovian’s heart skipped a beat, but he simply smiled.

“Good sir, are you not feeling well? This is not an appropriate place for you.” He placed a gentle hand on the trader’s shoulder. His kind act was met with a harsh slap which resounded through the entire chamber. However, his smile did not falter.

[Name], who had been sitting in the front row of pews ever since Sunday ‘rescued’ them, stood up, as did the woman next to them. They wanted to separate the two, but the priest extended a hand towards them as a sign to stop.

The atmosphere was painfully tense and uncertain, until the merchant reached into his pocket to retrieve his dagger. He then pressed it to Sunday’s throat, finally causing his expression to shift.

“You bastard… You rotten, filthy, deceptive scoundrel! You lied! All you and your good-for-nothing father have ever done is lie! You will pay for this.” The trader hissed, preparing to slice the man’s flesh. Sunday’s eyes narrowed as he effortlessly ripped the knife from his hands by the blade, cutting deep into his own palm. He then tossed it to the side, and grabbed the traitor by the neck.

“Tsk..What a shame. You were quite valuable.” He shook his head disappointedly before dragging him outside.

No one dared to follow… Except for [Name]. Before anyone could tell them not to, they sprinted after Sunday, finding him kicking his attacker in the stomach repeatedly just outside church doors. [Name] gasped, but they were cut off by the disgusting feeling of bile rising up their throat. This caused Sunday to turn his head. His eyes were wide, however, a disturbingly sweet smile stretched across his features. He delivered one final kick- to the chest this time- and quickly closed most of the distance between him and [Name].

“You shouldn’t have followed me. But, I suppose it’s my fault for not teaching you what to do in such situations.. I’m sorry you had to see that.”

[Name]’s eyes darted between the priest and the corpse he had just created. They soon murmured the first thought they could muster:

“Your hand..”

“I will be fine. Go back inside, and stay put. Service will resume shortly.” He smiled before promptly walking out of sight.

[Name] considered running for their life as far away from this town as geography would allow. However, something was holding them back. After taking a minute to process, they re-entered the church, earning dirty looks from the other members. Only the woman that had stood up alongside them earlier spoke to them.

“Don’t do that. No one wants to see what happens to those who get ‘expelled’.”

4. It is the high priest who is the rightful successor to God’s will.

Despite it not feeling like such, Sunday was once a child. He had a family as well, more or less. Although thinking of Gopher Wood as his parent made him feel sick to his stomach now, a brief period of time where this wasn’t the case existed.

After the traumatic loss of their parents, Sunday and his dear sister, Robin, were sent to an orphanage much like any other unfortunate soul in the same situation. Robin thought they’d be adopted within the year, but Sunday was already planning the way in which he’d make a living for himself the moment he became an adult. He’d save up any and all money he didn’t use strictly on survival to be able to sustain his sister when she reached the age of eighteen as well, he thought.

In a surprising turn of events, a man from a small, far away town, visited the orphanage only three months after the siblings’ arrival. He smiled the instant his gaze landed on them. Originally, Sunday thought it was because of their shared, relatively uncommon species, but he’d later come to convince himself that Gopher Wood saw something in them that day.

In what had to be record time, he had legally adopted them. As they rode the horse carriage to their new home, Robin snuggled close to her brother, and whispered an optimistic ‘I told you so’. Sunday simply smiled, for the first time since the death of their mother.

The first day felt like the most fun a recently orphaned child could have. They were given various sweet treats by their new neighbors, and a tour of the town. Everyone seemed to dote on them, which almost made the young boy finally lower his guard fully. He thought he was safe at last, and could heal.

Big mistake.

That very night, Sunday was ripped from bed by his eerily silent ‘father’. Before he could even ask what he was doing, a hand had been slapped over his mouth. He, being docile and untrained at the time, allowed himself to be molded like clay.

In less than an hour, Sunday had been exposed to things that would shatter the mind of most children into pieces. At the end of his extensive explanation, Gopher took Sunday to the dark, empty church, where he forced him to kneel in front of the altar. Because he hadn’t succumbed to the information that he had to forcibly ingest, Gopher considered him a worthy heir, and introduced him to Ena as such.

And yet, that was not the point where he stopped seeing that man as family. In fact, he never saw anything wrong with that behavior. He always felt so proud to be chosen, entrusted with such an important position.. Gopher said he was special. Smart. Nearly perfect. He was everything he could’ve ever wanted in a son. The knowing glances they exchanged as Robin discovered the surface rules of the religion at the pace that everyone else except for him did made Sunday feel good.

For about a year, Sunday loved his life. He felt as if he finally had a purpose..

On the night of a seventh,going into first day of the week, in the latter half of November, Sunday found himself choking back tears on the bathroom floor, knees hugged tightly to his chest along with his discarded shirt. Gopher Wood, that monster, sat behind him, trimming away at the child’s lower wings. When he was done, he’d move on to permanently tainting them black, like his own.

‘The truest act of devotion’ he called it. To prove their loyalty to Ena, high priests had to discard something they held dear at a young age.. For halovians, their wings were naturally their pride and joy, so, the dark haired man picked those for him. Sunday asked to be allowed to choose something, anything else, but his request was declined.

Of course, this wasn’t any form of religious practice. Gopher had made it up to further mold his poor victim into what he needed him to be. Every time the boy dared to show any feelings regarding that action, he reminded him that as the high priest, all his actions were carried out trough God’s will.

Sunday never wore a base layer of clothing that didn’t almost perfectly match his new wing color after that. He felt hideous, and he’d rather have people think he lost his wings completely than show off the cruel defilement he’d endured.

Since then, Sunday could no longer see him as a father. Of course, he still respected and obeyed him, as not doing so would be disrespectful to THEM, too. After all, priests were naught but a mirror of their God’s desires.

5. God’s teachings are the divine providence of this world.

Sunday tossed in bed, wings wrapping around his face as he groaned quietly. He was tormented by thought, and couldn’t sleep.

Upon the passage of one hour, he rose from his spot, and slowly stepped out of his room. [Name] slumbered on his couch, as they had since the first time Sunday brought them home. He felt bad for not being able to provide them a proper bed, and made a mental note to work on that soon. After all, it wasn’t like it cost much, or… anything at all. He was just a very busy man.

The priest then stepped on the single creaky floorboard in the entire house, alerting his roommate.

“Sunday..?” They yawned, rubbing their eyes as they blinked them open.

“Ah. I’m sorry that I woke you.”

“It’s alright,, but what are you doing up so late? And why are you going out?”

“Mm. I need a walk, to clear my head. I’m finding it hard to rest well tonight.”

“Me too. I barely even fell asleep a few minutes ago, and it was so light.” [Name] stretched their back as they spoke.

“I see. Do you want to join me?” He offered, and the other person excitedly accepted, standing up and almost stumbling. Sunday caught them, helping them to stand better. They gave a grateful look in response.

The two then exited the house, the cold night breeze gently biting at their skin. They set a comfortable pace as Sunday directed them to the woods across the river that served as town border. [Name] hadn’t gotten the chance to go there yet, as it was ill-advised to venture too far from the town.

“Are you sure we should be doing this?”

“Don’t you trust me? Do you think I’m going to murder you for your sins?” Sunday smiled, turning his face away so [Name] couldn’t see.

“I do! It’s just that… Wait, have I sinned?”

“Of course you have. You are still new to our religion, you’re bound to make mistakes. Even devout believers sin sometimes, but God forgives all, therefore so do I.”

“Do you sin?”

“Me? No. Sinning would be disgraceful to our Lord. I mean, if even the high priest doesn’t carry himself as THEY intended, how would any normal person be inclined to either?”

“True.. Doesn’t it get exhausting having to be perfect all the time, though?”

“Not at all. Do you know the fifth commandment?”

“God’s teachings are the divine providence of this world?” [Name] cocked their head at him, almost tripping on a fallen branch in the process.

“Very good. As the high priest, I have to know these teachings better than any other mortal. The stronger one’s knowledge, the stronger they feel God’s love.”

“Oh. I never thought about it like that.”

“Well, now you have.” He halted, left arm occupying its spot behind his back as usual. [Name] stopped as well, confused.

“Why’d you stop? Aren’t walks supposed to be continuous?”

“Yes…Would you mind pausing here for a moment? If I’m not mistaken, this is the clearing I used to come to for respite when I was a child. I have no time for such things anymore, but it brings me a sense of nostalgia.��

[Name] nodded, and awkwardly walked closer to Sunday. There didn’t appear to be any sitting spots, so they just took a moment to appreciate nature’s beauty.

Not much time later, Sunday decided it had gotten far too late to be outside any longer. As they trekked back home, the priest noticed [Name] become slower by the second. He offered to carry them, and in a moment of exhausted weakness, they accepted. They’d soon fall unconscious in his arms.

The following morning, [Name]’d find themselves in Sunday’s bed, with him nowhere to be found.

Confused, they stepped into the living room. Sure enough, the man was curled up on the couch.

6. To disobey God is to deviate from Paradise.

[Name] was integrating nicely into the town already. While trying to decide what job they should try land, they picked up gardening as a short pastime. Sunday had graciously lent them a patch of his backyard to plant things in, so long as they managed to keep it free of weeds. They agreed, and were doing a great job so far. The first thing they tried was strawberries, as it was the optimal season for planting them.

[Name] decided to ask the neighbors to see if anyone had any runners they could borrow.

“Hello!” They waved at an older lady who was conveniently planting something in her own garden. She lifted her head, smiled, and waved back.

“…Ahem. I was wondering if you had any strawberry runners? I want to grow strawberries… I don’t have any money right now, but I’ll pay you for them someday!”

“Ah, such nonsense.. Since Mr. Wood saved us, money is obsolete.”

“Huh? Then why do people still have jobs?”

“So they don’t get bored, of course! If you’re worried about payment, pay with a favor. Give some to Mr. Sunday when they’re ripe. I’m sure he hasn’t had strawberries since Miss Robin… Ah, nevermind, I’ll fetch ‘em for you.” The lady hobbled into her house, leaving [Name] confused. They made a mental note to ask Sunday about this ‘Robin’ someday.

The woman soon returned, and handed the runners to [Name], eagerly.

“Here you go, dearie. Give some to me too, if I’m still around by then…” she chuckled, trailing off into a cough.

“Don’t say that.. But, I will! Thanks so much!” They waved again, and sped off to plant the strawberries.

About three months later, the fruits were ripe. [Name] was utterly delighted… They looked absolutely perfect, as if it was obvious from a glance that they had the perfect texture and amount of juice. They quickly collected them all in a basket, and ran inside, where Sunday was actually home, for once. [Name] was happy about this, and hurried to separate the basket’s contents into bowls. The priest tilted his head at them, curious.

“I see you’ve made good use of the land I gave to you.” He hummed observantly.

“Mhm! I couldn’t have done it without the grandma across the street, though. I have to give her a portion back, but.. She asked for something else as payment.”

“Oh?”

[Name] handed Sunday a full bowl, happily.

“She wanted me to give this to you! She said you probably haven’t eaten any since some Robin something something..”

Sunday froze, and his breathing paused abruptly.

“Who’s Robin anyway? It sounds like you know her…”

“Robin is a sinner who denied our Lord’s presence in her life. She is where she deserves to be right now.” His voice had a weird edge, almost as if it was breaking.

“She’s not someone you should concern yourself with again. Ahem; thank you for the gift. It was very thoughtful of you. Send my regards to the neighbor, too.” He left, strawberry bowl in hand.

[Name] frowned, dejectedly dragging themselves and one of the remaining strawberry bowls to the neighbor’s house. She was in the yard once again, so they just walked up to her.

“Ma’am! I picked the strawberries today!” They handed her the dish.

“Thank you, dear. You gave them to Mr. Sunday too, yes?”

“Of course. He said to give you his regards. But, something weird happened. When I asked him about Robin, he just said she was a sinner. That wasn’t much of an answer, so could you tell me more, please?”

“Really? Hm. I wouldn’t expect him to be that cold towards the memory of his own sister…”

“…What?”

“I’ve said too much. Please leave.”

[Name] frowned, but did as asked. It was taking them some time to accept the fact that there were certain topics everyone seemed to get tense around..

7. To harbor doubts about God is to suffer the disintegration of thought.

Gopher Wood always despised the neighboring town, in which he was born, raised, and first established his religion. He hated not having control over every single atom there, so, he left. However, he wasn’t always completely unwilling to maintain a cordial relationship with them.

When his daughter, Robin, reached the age of twelve, he assigned her the role of ‘peacekeeper’. She was to befriend politicians and people of note, engage in the culture there. and report any intel she could’ve gained back to Gopher, who would then try to usurp the town and convert its residents to worshippers of Ena, ergo himself, by commandment fourteen.

By her 13th birthday, Robin’s reports suspiciously all turned into ‘They didn’t tell me anything’. The high priest soon grew skeptical, and ordered Sunday to get an answer out of her by any means necessary.

And so, he did.

He approached her door, taking note of the unfamiliar tune she appeared to be loudly humming. Due to growing older, they now had separate rooms. This didn’t help their relationship whatsoever, as their paths in life were already pulling them apart.

“Sister?” He knocked.

“Come in!” She called out, ceasing her singing. Sunday did, avoiding her gaze.

“I need to talk to you about something.”

“Sure. Sit down.” She gestured to the empty spot on her bed, next to herself. Sunday shook his head, which felt like a dagger being pierced trough robin’s heart.

“Oh. Okay… What did you want to talk about?”

“Master ranted to me earlier about the lack of new information regarding the neighboring town lately. I found this weird, so I just wanted to ask you about it. Please be honest with me, are you hiding something?”

Robin’s eyes widened, before drifting downward. She dipped her head in a slight nod.

“Brother… I’m sorry, I meant to tell you earlier, but I feared your response. I..” she inhaled, then exhaled. “…I worship the Harmony.”

Sunday stared at her with the most disgust his face had ever held. He began to slowly shake his head.

Robin stood, paced over to him, and grabbed his hand, holding it close to her chest.

“Please, just listen to me. I discovered something that will change your view on-“ She trailed off as she met his gaze. It was evident that there was no possible way to reason with him. At that moment, it didn’t feel like she was even looking at her sibling; but rather, at the man that destroyed him.

Defeated, she let go of his hand, and sat back on her mattress. As she watched her beloved brother leave her room, she accepted that her days were now numbered.

8. To blaspheme God is to deny one's own existence.

Robin wore a gentle smile as she was walked down the path to a completely empty plain by her brother. The girl was dressed in pitch black robes, a symbol of her betrayal and a way to make her death far more painful. And yet, she didn’t seem all that bothered.

“Sunday..” she hummed.

“You’re not supposed to speak.”

“I’ll be dead soon either way. What’s one more sin?”

“…”

“I love you. Please don’t blame yourself, I forgive you.”

Sunday didn’t reply to this, and pushed her towards her final resting place.

“Press your back to the stake, please.”

Robin obliged, placing her hands behind the wooden pole as well, without even having to be told. Sunday, under the watchful gaze of Gopher Wood, tied them together, then her torso to the stake.

A citizen then dumped the wood Gopher had hand picked the day prior as the fire fuel to Robin’s feet, before backing up. As per the high priest’s request, Sunday was to light it.

The heir felt nothingness rip and tear away at his being. As his Master placed a flaming torch in his hand, Sunday thought about all the things he wanted to do right now. He wanted to cry, but that would be ‘disgraceful’. He wanted to grab his sister and run, far away from here, and start a new life together, but they were just children, with a horde of angry, violent adults behind them. He wanted to fall to his knees and scream in despair, but the raven-like man behind him would definitely punish him severely for that. As his legs trembled, threatening to give out, Sunday wondered what the worst consequence could even be. Upon remembering the ruined state his wings were in and that he had another pair in an incredibly visible location, he took several deep breaths to calm himself down.

“I’m sorry.” He mouthed, before pressing the torch’s tip to the firewood.

9. God sees, but THEY never save.

Sunday inhaled deeply, eyes shut. The winter air numbed his lungs, allowing the cold to overwhelm his body. He felt no pain, or any physical sensation at all. He simply felt like pure consciousness.

“Brother!” The worried voice of his sister called out to him. Alarmed, he exhaled, and ended his meditative state.

“What is it?” He questioned, tone unusually flat.

Robin held her hands out to him. They contained a baby dove. It was barely even covered in pin feathers, meaning it couldn’t have been more than seven days old.

“I was walking to Mr. Gary’s farm because I promised to help feed his animals, but i found this hatchling crying by a tree… I can’t find its nest, or parents, b-but it’ll freeze to death if we don’t do something!” She sobbed. Sunday examined the tiny avian closely.

“Yes…I do suppose the best course of action would be to raise it ourselves.” He crossed his arms.

“Why do you sound so hesitant..?”

Sunday was worried about what his Master would do upon discovering the animal. He wondered if its wings would be clipped, like his own were. The boy pressed a hand to his mouth in thought, eventually settling on the conclusion that there would be no reason to commit such act, as it was only done to himself so he could prove his worth to Ena.

“Fine. Give it to me.” He demanded, and the girl obliged.

The siblings rushed back home, where Robin filled a shallow bowl with warm water. Sunday placed the chick in it, but held on, just in case. It let out chirps of increasing volume, which the boy found endearing. He soon let go, stroking under the bird’s chin instead. Robin gasped, and leaned in closer to observe this. Her brother interacting with animals was a truly beautiful sight.

“How long will it take until it’s grown? I can’t wait to teach it how to fly!” She smiled widely, blinking up at Sunday.

“Huh? Why would we do that..?” He raised an eyebrow.

“So we can release it?” Robin now looked confused.

“What? You can’t be serious. What even is the point of saving it now if you just want to send it to die later?” He pulled the bowl closer to himself, protectively.

“It won’t die! It’d just be cruel to keep it inside for the rest of its life!” She argued, straightening her posture.

“It will.”

“No, it won’t!” The girl gripped the edge of the table. Sunday pinched the bridge of his nose, and turned his back to her.

“Fine. If you insist, you’re now responsible for its well-being until the end of the next week, when you must release it into the wild.”

“Fine.” Robin huffed, and pulled the bird and its makeshift bath back towards herself.

Seven more days passed, in which the dove grew out all the needed feathers for flight. Robin was absolutely ecstatic, and dragged Sunday outside.

“Okay..How do we do this?” She asked.

“What, you made a decision that could be the difference between life and death for another living being without any research?”

“Well, when you put it like that-“

“Do you admit defeat?”

“No! I know it’ll survive! Just tell me how to help it fly.”

Sunday simply shrugged, which upset Robin. After some contemplation, she placed the dove down on the ground, and held her breath waiting.

The bird soon spread its wings, and departed from the ground. The young girl squealed happily, and watched with wide eyes. She then turned, grinning triumphantly at her brother. It was then that she noticed the tall, dark figure looming right behind him.

“Master? What brings you here?”

Gopher Wood simply smiled eerily, and Sunday grimaced, eyes fixed on the now flying dove. A chill of deep dread struck Robin’s spine, making her turn again… Just in time to see the razor sharp talons of a raven dig into the body of the smaller bird. Right as its beak was about to rip flesh off, the girl ran into the house, sobbing loudly.

Sunday and Gopher kept watching. The scene was horrible, gory and disheartening, to say the least.

After a period of silence, the boy spoke up.

“That was a trained raven.”

“What a keen eye.”

“…Why? Robin didn’t have to see that. She’s just a child.”

“I disagree. It was her choice to free the dove, wasn’t it? She has to learn that her actions have consequences, and that defying the concept of order won’t get her anywhere.”

Sunday wordlessly nodded, before walking off.

On the way to the clearing he’d claimed as solely his- which he only turned to when he was having ‘sinful’ ideas that he felt too scared to even think about in the confines of the city- he wondered if Ena would really want one of THEIR creations to suffer, just to teach another a valuable lesson. He then considered that THEY might not truly even care about anyone and anything at all. If he could see and intervene in anything happening in the world, Sunday would try to save every being. But, in the end, he was not God, and THEY were.

10. God listens, but THEY never speak.

“Father..” a weak voice on the other side of the confessional threatened to break. Sunday straightened his posture, as he instinctively always did when spoken to, even if he couldn’t be seen.

“Speak your sorrows, child of the Order.”

“I can’t take it any longer. It feels… It feels like my prayers are falling on deaf ears. My life has only been spiraling into misery… Hell, even a sign would help loads!”

Sunday closed his eyes, thinking deeply.

“I understand how you must feel. However, you should know THEY don’t often give ‘signs’. You may share your troubles with me, and I promise to try my hardest to help you.”

“You’d really do that?”

“I would.” He nodded. He’d trained himself to be aware of his body language and what every single difference in stance could be interpreted as. So, he applied that even when alone, hidden, or in an otherwise casual situation.

“Thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you… May I ask a question first?”

“Hm?”

“Do THEY give you signs? Speak to you? Anything at all?”

The halovian fell silent. He didn’t know. Ever since he’d taken over Gopher Wood’s duties, he felt like a failure for being ‘spiritually disconnected’ from the Lord.

“The answer is what you think.” Was what he settled on.

The person on the other side sighed. The next time they spoke, their voice sounded muffled.

“I’m a murderer. I don’t deserve to live. Do you think THEY would forgive me if I..”

“Don’t say that. You are stronger than you think. Why do you consider yourself a murderer?”

“I had an argument with my little sister. It was over something so stupid, I don’t even remember what it was. I was so angry that I pushed her. She hit her head on the kitchen counter, and… oh god. There was so much blood. I saw her brains, Father. I will never forget the sight. I see it every time I sleep, every time I close my eyes, every time I see things that remind me of her. Please, how do I make it stop?” They sobbed.

Sunday was silent, eyes unfocusing as the vivid memory of Robin’s body being charred alive by flames tore its way out of the corner of his brain he’d banished it to.

“Father?”

“…Apologies. That is a lot to process, I was thinking of the optimal way to help. How long ago did this accident happen?”

“I don’t know. It could be anywhere from a few days to several months. After I buried her, everything’s been a blur. She was everything I had left… i hate to think that if I treated her nicer, showed her how much I appreciate her; if I tried to understand her better and didn’t let my emotions get the better of me, she’d still be here.”

“Yes.. You said you buried her body?”

“I did.”

“Where?”

“…”

“I see. You don’t have to tell me. I can feel that you are genuinely remorseful. Fear not, the Lord will forgive you, and I’m sure your sister would too. As for the mental scarring, I can only hope that your confession has lifted some weight off your shoulders. You are not alone. If you ever feel as if you need to take drastic measures, I hereby permit you to seek me in my free time. Your life matters, and I’d rather a slight inconvenience to myself than lose another life. It gets easier, I promise. Hardship is the key to happiness.” Although he was saying all this, he barely even believed or understood himself. He’d never had anyone comfort him when he was in a similar situation, nevermind attempt to help him. When he tried to turn to Ena for solace, he was only met with silence… Which was to be expected. However, the toll it took on him was greater than he could’ve ever expected. In any case, he hoped he’d helped the member of his community, even slightly.

The sound of the fabric belonging to the other person’s clothes could be heard- presumably them standing up. It was then followed by footsteps. Sunday groaned loudly once he figured they’d have long exited the church, and placed his face in his hands. This was going to be a long day.

Upon returning home way past midnight, Sunday looked uncharacteristically horrible. His eyes were bloodshot, his wings drooped pathetically as he slouched, including his ‘deformed’ second pair, which usually stayed tucked into his coat.

“Sunday!” [Name] ran to the door as soon as it opened. As they bore witness to the state of the halovian, they fell into baffled silence. He blinked blearily, far too tired to be embarrassed.

“I’m sorry. Go to sleep.” He mumbled, trying to push past them and towards the couch, as the two had traded sleeping utilities after their late-night walk.

“No! Are you okay?”

“Excuse me?”

“You look horrendous. I’m worried.”

“Thanks.” He deadpanned.

“I obviously didn’t mean it that way. It’s just not like you to be so… improper. Woah, wait, you have four wings!?”

“I don’t want to talk about either of those things. Please move, I’d really like to sleep.”

[Name] frowned, and instead of letting Sunday go to sleep on the near back-breaking couch when he was clearly in no condition to, they intertwined their hand with his, pulling him towards the bedroom. Before Sunday had the chance to protest, they’d reached their destination.

“What are you doing?”

“What, you said you wanted to sleep.”

“Are you implying you want to… share a bed?”

“Yeah! That’s not sinful, right?”

“I suppose not.” Sunday gave up.

“Great. I’ll let you change, call me back in when you’re done.”

Sunday didn’t know what had happened to him by the beginning of the next hour. He found himself cuddling his housemate, face buried in their chest as their fingers carded through his hair. If he wasn’t so far gone, he would’ve felt shame to the depths of his bones.

As [Name]’s breathing and heart rate slowed steadily, so did their hand. Sunday smiled, slowly shifting their position until they’d fully swapped roles. While he appreciated being on the receiving end of affection for once, it was just his nature to want to return any kind act done for him.

He draped a wing around their body, figuring he’d finally found a use for the unsightly body part.

11. God knows, but THEY never teach.

Sunday’s hands balled into fists at his sides. He’d been staring at the glass casing containing the stone slate which the commandments had been first carved into for what must’ve been many hours now. He read them over, and over, and over, and over… Despite the fact that his mind was already similar to the slate, in the sense that the words had been permanently etched into both. Every day, he could feel himself growing more and more…Hateful. And so, he decided connecting with the Lord again would be the best course of action.

Unfortunately, he was wrong. As he obsessively examined and carefully thought over every word of the sacred obligations, he could only form more and more questions… More anger. More doubt. The contradictions between several entries now seemed painfully obvious. For example, it was specified that the high priest was the exception to commandment two, but no such thing exists for the numbers nine, ten and eleven… But, communication between God and the high priest was supposed to be the basis of the religion.

As the gears in Sunday’s brain turned, he began to laugh. How could he have been so foolish? These were all just lies. Lies made up by a selfish man who desired nothing more than to rule the whole world by himself. As his laughter grew, so did his fury.

Sunday dug his fingers into the side of the glass; fragile, as all things in this forsaken town. If everyone was under the permanent illusion of safety, why was there any need for precaution? It was so bad, that nobody locked their doors anymore. No one would want to break into your house and kill you, after all. The most likely murderer was the person you trusted enough to live with. As these realizations plagued his mind, Sunday’s hands only gripped the long since shattered shards of glass tighter, and tighter. It hurt so pleasantly right now. Although, soon enough, he dropped them in favor of grasping the stone tablet itself. As he turned around, his eyes darted through the church. He needed something to break it with.

After looking for a considerable amount of time, Sunday decided he’d just fling it at the wall.

As the glorified boulder was about to leave his hand, he hesitated. What if he was wrong? This definitely had to be a misunderstanding. Maybe he just wasn’t open minded enough to understand the deeper meaning of the commandments. After all, every older resident seemed so happy living the way they were. The younger generation- including himself- would grow into doing the same, surely… God is good, Sunday thought.

God is loving.

The priest lowered his hand slowly. He rotated back to his original position, regret filling him at the sight of the broken display and bloodied glass scattered across the floor. If he were to look into his hand, he’d notice the crimson seeping from his open wound was quickly transferring to the commandments.

Sunday closed his eyes, breathing deeply. He just had to clean this up, find a replacement case, and no one would ever know. His sin could stay between him and the Lord, forever.

As for understanding all the contradictions, he was now sure that he just had to try a little harder. After all, God doesn’t teach. For a start, this probably meant THEY wanted THEIR subjects to learn from their and others’ mistakes throughout their life.

Yes, this had to be the solution. This was nothing but another trial for Sunday to overcome; a test of faith.

12. The entire Word of God is passed down through THEIR oracle, the high priest.

In an extremely rare occurrence, Sunday had found himself with a few hours of free time on his hands. He decided to spend one of them browsing the local grocery store, deciding on what snack to purchase for [Name], as a token of appreciation. He hadn’t asked them about their tastes outright, so he was attempting to piece them together from the few, yet valuable conversations they’d had. This was proving to be a more challenging task than expected, but he wasn’t about to give up.

“I believe this is what you’re looking for.” A voice coming from Sunday’s right spoke sweetly. He turned his head, confused. Before him stood a person, with an appearance so strikingly out of place that he managed how they even managed to make it into the city. They had white hair, parted into short twin tails on either side of their head. They also had long curtain bangs, however, the upper part of their hairstyle didn’t even utilize as much as half of their locks. The expanse of white fell down to the floor, dragging along it whenever they moved. They wore simple, yet eye grabbing make up, which nicely complemented their tanned skin. Their eyes appeared to naturally stay shut for the entirety of Sunday’s examination of them, not displaying any of the twitching that the eyes of a normal person forcing them to stay closed would. What was really out of place, though, was their clothing. They wore a tight, black dress which was about as long as their hair. It was rather revealing, especially in the chest and leg area. Whilst the town Sunday lived in didn’t exactly enforce ‘purity culture’ anymore, it was still unusual to dress immodestly. Additionally, the sort of corset piece wrapped around their midriff and neck appeared to be real gold, solidifying their status as an outsider. The followers of Order weren’t exactly wealthy, as money had not been used since the founding of the religion, and Gopher Wood considered the concept to be inherently unfair. Of course, this didn’t stop him from continuing to hoard any currency he came across, to be able to afford imported garments and accessories of the finest quality for only himself and his children.

“Pardon?” He narrowed his eyes, inspecting the item. It was one of the choices he’d been considering for [Name]’s snack, although he was still second-guessing himself.

“This is their favorite.” The foreigner extended their hand further, as if urging him to take it.

“What are you talking about?” Sunday was becoming uncomfortable.

“[Name]? Your.. Friend. This is their favorite. You are looking for something to get them, no?”

“Hah..I see. You’re one of Xipe’s slaves.” He chuckled bitterly, and grabbed a duplicate of the item they were holding off the shelf.

“I’d strongly urge you to return to your home, if you know what’s best for you. Good day.” He turned to leave, but a hand as cold as death itself gripped his wrist with a hold that would be sure to cut off his circulation if it was kept too long.

“Is this all the thanks I get? You would’ve spent another hour deciding if it weren’t for me.” The person pouted in mock offense.

“Stop. Get out of my mind, please.” He tried to pull away, to no avail.

“And what if I don’t? Are you going to call upon Ena to save you? Oh wait..” They laughed.

“Tsk…Do not use THEIR sacred name with such mocking purpose.”

“I really don’t get what you see in THEM. I mean, THEY’RE such a deadbeat! The Great One would never let THEIR subjects suffer.”

“Says the one whose idol abandoned THEIR town without leaving as much as a divine messenger.”

“Hm? But I am the High Priest.”

“High Priest? My a-.. ahem… That does not sound very likely. Clearly, you’re blessed in some form, but knowing Penacony, they would hold a week-long festival in your honor if you gave substantial proof of this. Who are you, really?”

The person smiled, and let go of his now bruised wrist. They’d still not opened their eyes once.

“Oh, would you look at the time. Well, I should get going. Until we meet again~” they waved, and walked away, humming an awfully familiar tune.

Sunday would then stand in the middle of the aisle, snack in hand as he tried to make sense of what had happened. He wondered if the person was trying to convince him to turn to the Harmony, or just teasing him. What’s worse is that if it was the former, he believed he might’ve actually considered.

The halovian soon dragged himself home, deep in thought. As he opened the door to see [Name] sitting on the couch as they had been doing more often lately, Sunday smiled. He sat next to them, far closer than usual.

“…I got you something.” He handed them the snack. [Name] gasped quietly.

“Ohh.. Did you know this was my favorite? Thank you so much!” They hugged him.

“Really? Must’ve been a lucky guess. In any case, consider this payment for the strawberries.” Sunday shut his eyes. Perhaps the worshipper of Xipe wasn’t all that horrible.

13. God’s aims are the aims of the world

Lately, Sunday had been frequenting the church in the dead of night. Since the meeting with the strange worshipper of Harmony, he’d been questioning his faith more than ever before. A part of him struggled with the same urge to run that he’d felt in Robin’s final moments. However, instead of his fear of angry, violent adults holding him back now, it was the fear of repercussions for becoming one.

He considered himself weak minded. He knew very well what he was getting into before accepting the position of high priest. He knew he’d have to murder and hurt, and yet… He never truly could. A secret Sunday swore he’d take to the grave, was that he never truly punished traitors as God commanded. Even after the incident with the tradesman, the worst he could muster was kicking him into unconsciousness and dropping him off into Penacony’s territory. That very night, he prayed to the God he himself had just betrayed, that the man was taken to a hospital. In his heart, Sunday still believed that if he were to implore the Lord to forgive those who turned away from them, THEY would.

Sunday had what one might call a heart of gold. He wanted the best for everyone, even if it directly contradicted the teachings of his Master, and the undeniable holy rules given to the world by God. However, his constant desire to help came at the cost of his own sanity- fact which he was acutely aware of. He considered it a small price to pay for the joy of others.

In his mind, he was responsible for the actions of each and every one of The Order’s followers. If they sinned, it was purely his fault for not managing to stop them. He’d be the one spending eternity in the burning embers, while any who sinned under him and died before he did, would be forgiven and led to the peaceful afterlife they strived for all their lives. If he’d explain this to any sane person, they’d most likely immediately pick up on how specific, flawed, and barely comprehensible his logic was… Unfortunately, he never would.

“You look tired.” The sickly sweet voice of the strange worshipper called from behind Sunday, making him halt.

“I know for a fact that I locked the gates.” He crossed his arms, but didn’t give the person the pleasure of looking at them.

“What can I say, I have my ways… Anyway, I don’t think burying yourself in your delusions is very healthy. You should rest.”

“I must say, you’re very bold. You simply can’t hold yourself back from insulting the Lord in front of THEIR messenger, hm?”

“I am simply stating a fact. You’re starting to doubt THEIR very existence, and you know that. If you acknowledge your situation, why do you still choose to indulge?”

Sunday did not speak for a long period of time.

“If you truly were a High Priest, you’d understand. God is all I have. I’ve invested so much time into becoming what I am now, I wouldn’t know what to do with myself otherwise.”

“And you still don’t follow the very principle that supposedly founded your religion. Clearly, deep down, what you want is to help everyone. You’d be well suited for the Harmony…”

“No. The harmony dictates that everyone must live through trial and error. That’s such unnecessary suffering, that can simply be avoided by protecting everyone.”

“Learning through mistakes? Isn’t that what you ultimately decided Ena’s ideal was, when you noticed people making mistakes over and over again, even when the whole point of this religion is to establish ultimate control and peace to the point where people will actively seek out pain to break the monotony?”

“…Then, I was mistaken. I never saw the similarities to the Harmony before. I pray THEY can forgive me as I try to truly understand THEIR commandments once more. Thank you for telling me this. I shall… Become a better fit for my role, through any means necessary.”

“Really? Or will you do as you’ve always done, and continue to refuse to harm anyone as your God dictates?”

“…Even if I were to do that, which I will earnestly try not to, the spiritual consequences would fall onto me, solely. I’m the one not doing my job, I-“

“Sunday! When was the last time you’ve uttered or thought something that makes any sense, at all!? Look deeply within yourself, you’ll realize how absurd you’re being.”

The halovian simply smiled. Perhaps, long ago, that would’ve been true. However, that was no longer a possibility. Any time he’d come to the same realization, his being would instinctively suffocate itself with a half-hearted explanation that would seem plausible enough at first glance, until he’d begin to deconstruct it, at which point the process would repeat.

The stranger’s expression shifted into a sorrowful one. They’d really tried to help him, but he was truly too far gone.

“I see. I hope your soul will someday be able to find peace.” They left, giving Sunday the opportunity to continue destroying himself in peace.

14. God and the high priest shall be regarded as one and the same.

Gopher Wood’s amber eyes intently observed Mikhail. His head was informally resting on the table, wings fluttering in anticipation as he waited for his ally to finish reading the documents he’d presented him with.

“So? What do you think?” He finally spoke, having grown impatient.

“I’m not done yet..”

“Well, you’ve read most of it. What do you think so far, then?”

“I didn’t know you had such little patience, Mr. Wood.”

“Yes, yes..Well, now you know.”

“I don’t consider it appropriate to share my opinion on something that I don’t fully understand. I ask that you continue waiting.”

“Fine.” Gopher scoffed, and stood up.

“I’m going to get another drink. Want anything?”

“No, thank you.”

Mikhail sighed as he continued reading. Him and Gopher had met just over three amber eras ago, under inexplicable circumstances. At the time, it seemed they had similar ideals for the future of Penacony- a beautiful town, ravaged by an unfortunate dispute. The two quickly struck up a friendship, or at the very least, a cordial working relationship. At first, they agreed that their end goal was to join The Family, a union of towns and cities who worshipped a god known as Xipe and believed in the concept of Harmony. The men slowly gained the respect of most Penaconians that, too,wished for peace, who allowed them to become something akin to a two-person government.

After all that, they successfully completed their goal. Although, soon after, Gopher began acting unusually. He distanced himself from Mikhail, only talking to him to ask odd questions, such as ‘if he ever wished the entire town’s residents could be puppets’. The blue-haired man grew incredibly concerned for his partner’s wellbeing, but could never reach Gopher to speak to him about this topic.

A few days prior, he had invited him out to drinks to discuss ‘an exciting new discovery’. They now found themselves here, Gopher having handed Mikhail a folder full of papers, detailing the proof of the existence of another deity before Xipe. THEY were known by the name of Ena, and represented Order, which was awfully close to the concept of Harmony, besides the awfully concerning attitude towards those who desired to follow their own path in life.

Just as Mikhail finished reading, the halovian returned.

“Are you done yet?”

“Yes…?”

“Wonderful! So?”

“I’m… Not quite sure I understand. Do you want to leave The Family and pursue this religion? Do you even have any current proof this, ‘Ena’ even exists..?”

“Oh, THEY don’t!” He giggled, joyfully taking a sip of his wine. Just as Mikhail was preparing to open his mouth, he continued:

“Not anymore, at least. But if we can make people believe THEY do, we’ll have them wrapped around our fingers. They’ll just do anything we want under the guise of religion. Doesn’t that sound wonderful? There can truly be peace upon Penacony.”

“…How drunk are you?”

“Plenty.”

“You’re not thinking straight. That would never work, it’d just be defying human nature. Besides, if the ones who continue trying to end our lives for opposing them can’t even agree with Harmony, what makes you think they’d want to obey the words of an imaginary God?”

“Oh, them? They have no place in Penacony either way. If I were to execute my plan, I’d be doing a great favor to everyone.” He grinned.

“That’s enough. Get up. I’m taking you home, and you’re going to sleep off all that wine.” Mikhail stood, tossing the documents into the nearest trash.

“I know what I’m doing, my dear Misha. I’ve been fantasizing about this since before we even met… It’s my greatest wish, and what’s the best for Penacony- no, the world, even! Why must you be so cruel~?”

“…You’re not who I thought you were. Why.. Why would you even say that?”

“Mm.. Tell me one thing, then.” He rounded the table, until he was face to face with Mikhail. He then grabbed the collar of his shirt, and pulled him even closer, grinning. “How long do you think a society under the Order’s rule will last? Hell, even with the most haphazard basis I can throw together in one night?”

“Don’t-“

“Answer me.”

“…A decade, at most.”

“Very well.” Gopher hummed, and let go.

“I say… Triple that, before it spreads to Penacony. At least a century after that until the downfall.”

“What are you planning to do..?”

“You’ll see.”

“You’re,, a psychopath. This will never work! Even if it somehow lasted for your entire lifetime, you’d never find a successor gullible enough to extend your little cult’s existence for that long.”

Gopher’s smile widened sinisterly.

“Cult? I prefer the word social experiment. Anyway, I should get going now. I heard the next town over has little contact with outsiders, and I’d like to get there before that changes.” He turned, and began to walk.

“Until we meet again, Misha.”

15. God is absolute.

After his second encounter with what seemed to be Xipe’s chosen one, Sunday felt completely drained. He hadn’t fully felt like a living, breathing entity since he was maybe six years old, but the mental haze that affected him worsened with each significant event that happened to him. He stumbled home at the same time that the sun began to peek over the horizon.

Despite the fact that he returned to sleeping on the couch after the night him and [Name] cuddled, he didn’t feel like sleeping alone at this moment.

Following several minutes of hesitation, Sunday opened the bedroom door, cautiously stepping in. Of course, his friend was sleeping peacefully, and luckily for him, deeply. The man stalked over to the closet door, which had been divided into halves to accommodate both his and [Name]’s clothes. He quickly discarded his current outfit, changing into a simple t-shirt and sweatpants. The shirt rode up his stomach slightly, as he hadn’t ever found the time to poke wing holes into his casual garments; therefore, his wings were just hanging naturally.

He slowly sat down on the unoccupied side of the bed, pausing to see if the sleeping person would wake. When they didn’t, he made himself more comfortable, even pulling half of the blanket over himself.

That action caused [Name] to turn. Sunday was preparing an apology speech for waking them, but they were unbothered. They grabbed his arm, snuggling it. The halovian took a moment to process, upper wings tensing in surprise. He was still not used to being touched, but he’d feel too bad pushing them away. So, instead of getting any rest, he just awkwardly stared at them for hours, frozen in place.

Finally, [Name] yawned, attempting to stretch. They were stopped by the sensation of a warm, solid object being held between their arms. When their eyes shot open, they barely stopped themselves from screaming at the sight of Sunday, who looked at them with a tired frown.

“Sorry,, I didn’t mean to scare you. I was just feeling unwell, and I thought…” He didn’t finish his sentence.

“It’s alright. I’m just, a little surprised. You don’t really seem like the type of guy who’d enjoy this kind of stuff.”

“‘Stuff’…?”

“Yeah. You know, like, closeness.”

“Really? Hm.” He turned his head away, deep in thought.

“I guess you’re right.“ He nearly whispered, pulling his arm away.

The silence that followed was painfully awkward. So much so, that [Name] decided to speak the first thought that came to mind:

“Can I touch your wings?”

“Sorry?”

“I want to touch your wings. They look super fluffy.”

Sunday narrowed his eyes, wondering where they obtained such courage. A halovian’s wings were just about sacred, and most only allowed those closest to them to do as much as stare at them for extensive amount of time. And still…

“You may. But, please be careful. They’re very sensitive, and tear easily.”

“Wait, really? I wasn’t really expecting you to let me..” [Name] was dumbfounded.

“I suppose so. The idea doesn’t make me uncomfortable, as I… Truly appreciate you. It feels like you’re the only person that has seen me as human in an embarrassingly long time. This is the least I can do to express my gratitude.” He leaned in closer, extending the wings on the side closest to [Name]. They didn’t speak, only reaching out to pet the wing sticking out from under his shirt. Sunday was surprised, as he figured they’d first pick the carefully preened, pristine, and intact wing on his head.

“It’s so soft..” they gasped, brushing a finger along the trimmed edge of the appendage. They then moved on to his upper wing, scratching behind it like one would with a cat.

Sunday metaphorically melted, gently collapsing onto [Name]. His eyes closed contently as his roommate continued their exploration of his features.

Unfortunately, their happiness didn’t last long. The distinct sound of wood being axed through snapped both people out of their relaxed state. Sunday jumped out of bed, and out the bedroom door. The sound was coming from the front entrance- which was stupid, as it was unlocked, much like any other door in the town. He crossed his arms, glaring at the widening hole in his door.

Upon completely decimating the wooden structure, a furious mob of followers of the Order barged in, carrying pitchforks and unlit torches. Sunday blinked in disbelief, if only for a couple seconds.

“You liar… Murderous whoreson of a cunt! How could you… How? Do you even realize how many people have lost or wasted their lives on your fuckass cult!? You will pay for this!” A man near the front screamed, spit flying onto Sunday as he did so. He wiped it off his face, giving his subjects a tired smile.

“My children, please. This must all be one great misunderstanding. I urge you to lay your weapons down, and explain to me what crime exactly you think it is that I committed.” He clasped his hands together, eyes closing inoffensively. Once again, his communication attempt was met with a slap.

“Misunderstanding? Hah. Tell that to The Devil! Tie him!” The man ordered, in response to which, the follower of Harmony stepped forward, rope in hand. As they stood parallel to Sunday, they opened their eyes for the first time. The blue outer ring transforming into a deep purple one didn’t look the least bit human, and neither did the grey sclera. If anything, such colors more closely resembled the written description of Ena, if only reversed.

It was then that it clicked.

Sunday began to twitch, in what seemed like the unfortunate moment where the psyche of a tortured man finally shattered. Hell, maybe that was accurate. He soon began to laugh, louder than he ever had before.

As he found himself preoccupied with that, Xipe gave him one last pitiful glance.

“I’m sorry.” THEY mouthed, beginning to bind his arms and wings.

[Name] gripped the edge of the bedroom doorframe. They had been observing for the entirety of the conflict, frozen. Perhaps, if the sea of people didn’t extend well past the confines of the house, they would’ve tried to help Sunday.

“See? He’s gone far past mad- Wait, should we do something about [Name]?” A villager questioned another, causing Sunday to cease his laughter.

“Absolutely. Burn the entire house down, everything he’s touched is tainted.”

“Are you insane? They’re pretty new. What do you think are the chances that they knew?” A third chimed in.

“[Name] didn’t know. It… It was all on me. I’m the one who lied to you. I deceived each and every one of you in pursuit of control. I corrupted the pure intentions of Gopher Wood, and, I ended his life via poison. I am the only culprit.” Sunday tensed, frantically looking around to see how many people believed his faux confession. Of course, only the first sentence was even remotely true. However, if he were to die today, there was no reason to drag the dead and the innocent along with him.

The villagers fell silent, looking between each other in a silent discussion.

“I believe him.” Xipe said, tugging on Sunday’s binds as THEY lead him towards the door, clearing a path through the mob.

The crowd followed, much like a herd of sheep would. This left [Name] alone, and confused.

When the silence became deafening, they hurried to follow. They figured that even if they couldn’t physically be that close to him during whatever was going to happen, then being there at all might make Sunday feel less alone. Even if what he’d confessed was true; which they didn’t fully believe, he did save their life. This was the least they could do for him.

Tears rolled down Sunday’s face, shining golden from the bright sunlight seeping into them. He was awarded the courtesy of choosing when he’d be ended, and he picked sundown. He’d been nailed to a cross, through his hands, wings, and shoulders. The fallen priest was in utter agony, and yet, he was quite alright with this.

Xipe took the same role Sunday had all those years ago; the killer. The villagers were seething, and craved nothing but blood. So, they all collectively decided Sunday was going to be nailed, burnt, and finally shot in the neck. Xipe offered THEMSELVES as executioner. No mortal deserved to have to live with the fact they were the direct cause of another human being’s untimely demise…

As THEIR lit torch approached the kindling, Xipe gazed into Sunday’s eyes once more. They smiled. It was barely visible, yet earnest.

Sunday returned the gesture, inhaling the last breath of fresh air he’d ever take.

[Name] kneeled in front of the charred, bloodied, and decaying corpse of Sunday. They didn’t even think he saw them in his final moments, ergo, they exposed themselves to his disgustingly brutal end for nothing.

They dipped their head, placing the bouquet of wild flowers they’d picked from the clearing which Sunday introduced them to, at his feet.

“Do you want to bury him?”

“…What?” [Name] turned, recognizing the voice as Sunday’s executioner.

“You cared about him. I doubt you want him to publicly rot for..What, a decade?”

“Yeah.”

“Stand. And take the flowers. I’ll carry him.”

And so, they did. In the same clearing the flowers had been picked from, [Name] and Xipe had buried Sunday. They didn’t mark his grave, deciding to finally let him rest.

“So? What will happen now? To everyone in the town, I mean. I don’t know about anyone else, but I have nowhere to go, and a town without a leader is a town without laws. But they’re all so violent…”

“Hm..Penacony has a place for all. Even with their violent tendencies, they can learn and grow.”

“So, why couldn’t Sunday?”

“Despite not knowing what he even believed in, Sunday thought he was nothing without Order. No matter what anyone could ever try, he’d refuse to change. It’s unfortunate, but, he should be allowed to make his own choices.”

“…But that’s so unfair.”

“Being forced into obedience would be equally unfair, no? Sunday died on his own terms.”

“I guess. It’s just, sad.”

[Name] received no reply. They felt as if the other presence had suddenly vanished, but didn’t bother to confirm this.

They laid down next to Sunday’s resting place, closing their eyes. They still struggled to comprehend how their life had taken such a horrible turn so quickly.

It didn’t matter now. [Name] yawned, rolling over onto the side they were most comfortable on. Upon waking, they’d set off to Penacony, where they would find a job and make a living for themselves. But tonight, they just wanted a semblance of a proper farewell to the cozy lifestyle they had grown so accustomed to, and to the man that made it all possible.

[spockandawe]

Hello hello! I'm sleepy and bored at work, but still have two meetings to go, and THEN I stumbled across an ask game a themed reading list! I got linked to it here by a friend, and I've been reading a surprising amount this year compared to what I usually manage, so let's goooo

Author you've read the most books from:

Oh man. This has to be either Terry Pratchett or Mercedes Lackey, even though I haven't gone through the WHOLE catalog for either one. Let's look this up? Wow, more of a difference than i was expecting: Terry Pratchett, 39. Mercedes Lackey, 63.

Best Sequel Ever:

Oh, that's so hard! Arguably Thud! by Terry Pratchett counts, but looking that late in a long series feels like cheating. I'm going to say either Ancillary Sword (imperial radch #2) by Anne Leckie, or The Siren Depths (books of the raksura #3), by Martha Wells. The earlier books hooked me, but then these ones just put me in the salad spinner and went to town.

Currently Reading (12/'24):

Too many 🥲 I won't even get into mangas and manhwas here, lmao.

Evil As Humans by Nian Zhong

I Became A God In A Horror Game by Pot Fish Chili

SSS-Class Suicide Hunter by Shin Noah

Omniscient Reader's Viewpoint by Sing Shong

The Guild Member Next Door by Honeytrap (this hasn't snagged me yet, but the manhwa is extremely charming, i mayyy just stick to that)

Star Instructor, Master Baek (loved the manhwa, NEED full prose context, haha)

Drink of Choice While Reading:

I read a lot on walks, so none, really! If I'm reading in bed i might make tea or grab something cold and bubbly, but i tend to get too immersed to remember my beverages.

E-reader or Physical Book:

E-reader. I was that weird kid who always carried around like five books, and this is so much better. It's faster, it's more convenient, I can word search, it's easier to share snippets with friends, it suits all my needs beautifully. The caveat. Is that I dont trust the permanence of digital media at ALL, especially if drm is involved, so i really try to own physical copies of everything i LOVE.

Fictional Character You Probably Would Have Dated in High School:

Oh god, dating, the worst activity. Ummm. Gosh. See. My trouble here is that I have chronically terrible instincts for who is actually good romantic interest material in real life, and that problem was SO MUCH WORSE as a teenager. Let's say Sha Hualing. Is this ending well for me? Nope!

Glad You Gave This Book a Chance:

'C Language Cultivation' by Yi Shi Si Zhou! I'm an engineer, but god, i am not a programmer. But I'm so glad I went into this book anyways! I was able to MOSTLY get pulled along for the ride when characters talked programming, and I think its SUCH an interesting way to conceptualize cultivation in a modern setting. And then on top of that, the plot went crunch and did some really interesting things! I would have balked at this one normally, but it really worked for me.

Hidden Gem Book:

'Evil As Humans' by Nian Zhong. I really need to rave about this one more, because it's one of the best cnovels I've ever read, and I'm so sad it took me this long to catch word of it. I'm not done yet, because i got overwhelmed by Emotions and was afraid of running out of book so I stopped reading, like a dumbass. It's so so so so good. It's got everything. It's got fascinating worldbuilding, amazing characters, glorious imagery, BEEFY plot, and one of my favorite relationships I've ever read. I would recommend this book whether or not someone has read a cnovel in their life before. And it's so sad that hardly anyone talks about it!

Important Moment in Your Reading Life:

Ooh, I think.... that moment in the peak pandemic days when I was finally intrigued enough to check out MDZS. First, I devoured it and it was SO good. Second, I kept reading cnovels. Third, my passion for cnovels got me into bookbinding. This really made a notable impression on the course of my life since then, which I frankly wasn't expecting at this age!

Just Finished:

Hmmm. I'm not FINISHED, but I'm caught up to the current translation of 'The Hunter's Gonna Lay Low' by Baek Sam. The translator said they would hopefully be catching at the end of this month, and god, I really hope so, this book lodged inside my ribcage.

Longest Book You've Read:

'The Husky and his White Cat Shizun' by Meatbun. It's 1.2 million words. If I ever finish ORV that will dethrone it, but for the love of god, montressor

Major Book Hangover:

Haha, any book I like tends to leave me hung over! I notice especially for the cnovels because they're so long and I get my emotions spun up so high, but it's definitely a regular feature. The only time this doesn't happen is if it's a series like Murderbot when I can immediately press on to the next book, until the inevitable SERIES hangover.

Number of bookcases:

Oh, unfair, the sizes vary wildly. In my house, let me see. There's a BIG built-in bookcase in the basement that has most of my prose fiction and craft books. Basement bedroom has a freestanding bookshelf that might be for art instructional books and art supplies, but im still rearranging.

Upstairs, i have a wide/short bookshelf that's also a tv stand, but it's split between western comics and board games. Kitchen has a teeny wall-mounted set of shelves with my cookbooks. Dining room has a buffet where my shortlisted craft books are stored (so I don't have to get them from the basement).

And upstairs, my pink bedroom has two. There's a small built-in that's for my manga collection and small zines. And there's a corner bookshelf that's for sheet music and coffee table books. I think that's everything!

Preferred Place to Read:

On long walks 🥺 It's so nice. I like it so much. The weather is hostile to my fingeys at this time of year, I need to drag out my various fingerless gloves and scatter them in convenient places so i remember yo grab them. Other than that, curled up in bed, either lying down or sitting against a back pillow.

Quote That Inspires You:

Oh gosh. I dont remember quotes very well. And 'inspire' might be the wrong word. But a number of Terry Pratchett ones stick with me, he really just was an incredibly memorable writer

It was sad music. But it waved its sadness like a battle flag. It said the universe had done all it could, but you were still alive.

-Terry Pratchett, 'Soul Music'

Reading Regret:

I don't regret reading books! Even the ones I hate. If I'm not getting something out of the experience, I'm hideously adhd to begin with, I will probably forget to finish rather than even consciously decide to quit. If I have a regret, maybe... I have a lot of other hobbies and obligations, and there are SO many books I wish I'd already read. I regret not prioritizing reading more in my life, even though I'm sure that in this AU, I'd have brand new regrets instead 😂

Series You Started and Need to Finish:

Mmmmm... Imperial Radch. I read the first trilogy l, the short stories, and Provenance. I just haven't been able to find the right headspace to start Translation State. I'm sure I'll love it! But I haven't done it yet.

Three of Your All-Time Favorite Books:

Agonizing!

The Scum Villain's Self-Saving System by Mo Xiang Tong Xiu

Gideon the Ninth by Tamsyn Muir

Hogfather by Terry Pratchett

Unapologetic Fan for:

The Books of the Raksura, by Martha Wells!! I love murderbot, but i LOOOOVE the raksura books, they deserve more appreciation

Very Excited for This Release:

Alecto the Ninth please im begging on hands and knees 🤣

Worst Bookish Habit:

Look, I am. Very adhd. I will accept your rec with great excitement and make a reminder to myself to go check out this book asap. Then i will also forage for my own new books, because it's good enrichment in my enclosure. Let's not ask what my follow-through numbers are like. Shh, don't worry about it.

X Marks The Spot: Start at the top left of your shelf and pick the 27th book:

Oh, this is gonna drive me nuts. I'm at work, but i HAVE a picture. The resolution, however--

It's the slim hot pink and black paperback. It's an Agatha Christie, and I'm almost positive it's 'The Mysterious Affair At Styles.' But I can't find this edition online to confirm. The book to its left is 'Any Way The Wind Blows' by Rainbow Rowell, the one left of that is 'Alta' by Mercedes Lackey, the one to its right is the complete Sherlock Holmes, and the one right of that is 'Sleeping Beauty' by Mercedes Lackey, so I know my books pretty well! But that ONE. Is driving me nuts 😂

Your Latest Book Purchase:

'Tiger Tiger' by Petra Erika Nordlund! It's sitting on the shelf next to my front door, and I'm POSITIVE I'll enjoy it, but the stars haven't been aligned for me to start it yet, expecially because i do read so much on my phone but i think graphic novels are a Must for physical purchases. If i have digital purchase of comics, they're probably redundant with my physical copies. They're just as ephemeral as prose ebooks, but so much larger to store 😂

ZZZ-snatcher book (last book that kept you up WAY late):

Ooh, that's probably 'I Became A God In A Horror Game' by Pot Fish Chili. This is an interesting one, because between story arcs I lose momentum and take a longgggg pause. But then DURING story arcs, I can't put the silly thing down. It's gripping as HELL.

[onewomancitadel]

A scattering of TWC impressions, which I played because a mutual posted fanart featuring a guy with long hair and I wanted to see if he had long hair in the game. The character my protagonist romanced only had long hair in a flashback. I told you, they are trying to contain me

That being said, I'll try to be fair:

By Book Two I was calling that the mother is a traitor, and I presume the epilogue in Book Three confirms this. My favourite silly thing that authors do is something like:

"I'll never forgive anybody who ever does this."

[Character who is later never forgiven for something immediately speaks]

"I sure hope nobody betrays us."

[Traitor speaks]

or in the case of TWC, every time a Rogue leader was mentioned, Rebecca immediately began speaking. It's just a subtle way of linking information together that most people aren't going to pick up on, outside of actual hard clues (e.g. there's the bit where Rebecca gets the pure DMB, and somehow Murphy had pure DMB on hand, the repeated emphasis on doing anything for her child, caginess about leaving being a leader of the Chamber/the dad thing, etc.)

I cannot imagine how much work it was to twine together a CYOA game and try to structure the prose as part of that experience, so I tried to be really gentle on that aspect when I am at my most critical with such a thing.

Present tense works best with first person (there is one time that I've read third person present tense and it's transcended my issues with it, I think because there was a real deft employment of where it's good for - especially sex scenes) in my experience because it reflects that natural English conversational tone, though my preference would still be first person past tense, for the sake of CYOA I can see why it was chosen. That being said, I think it really did struggle at points trying to marry a past tense reflectional tone to the present, and there were times that the description of the environment was especially clunky. I wrote a post about dialogue tags that was implicitly about this series lol.

I did pay for all three books so I'm not knocking on something a fan put their heart into, hahaha. To its detriment I think the quality of the prose depreciated by Book Three - having gone back to do a second playthrough to do a male protagonist/Morgan playthrough, I don't think this is recency bias. In terms of actual structure, Book Three probably has the overall better dramatic moments but experiences a weakening of connective tissue - lots of 'and then'..., and fewer scenes where I can smash my dollies together.

This really brings me to my issue which is that I didn't go in knowing it was all about romance, and I really wish - ironically - it had leant more into being about romance.

The plot is there to carry the development (which I enjoy, unless you are able to write something truly literary) up until it fell more like it was beginning to overwhelm it by Book Three - then again I hated the fake dating in Book Two because it's a beloathed trope of mine, so maybe I'm just hard to please. I think this might be an issue of the will-they-won't-they Adam romance, which - whilst I love slow burn and most of all absolutely love slow burn which dicks around - really needed to torture Adam more and torture my protagonist more to get the message through, I think in part a consequence of the tone of this sort of story which is trying to feel grounded, but I would choose sensible character development in exchange for tonal compromise (especially as it would be constrained to one route). I'm willing to be seated for people who try to stay away from each other - yess please yummy yummy - but you need to feel comfortable in getting the emotional cattle prod out.

And I wouldn't be so upset about the realism of portraying a 900 year old vampire knight unless the setting leant hard into that 'supernatural-but-realism' modern style of cynical writing... like, you can't have characters laugh about believing in God (when God structured that period of Adam's early life and magic is real and a Gnostic-esque Echo World is also real...) and then get mad at me when I want you to portray a 900 year old vampire knight properly. He sounds like a traumatised soldier from 20-30 years ago; did he change with the times? Did he never fit in back then anyway? I guess I just wanted to go weirder! Also what's his attitude to sex. Lol

Also the fact that human bloodsucking didn't come up until the end of Book Three made me very disappointed. I wanted him to try sucking her like as early as Book One. I wanted to suggest it as a thing to help them fighttttt but it could also be so so sexy. 🥰 It felt a little like dramatic scenes kind of get postponed. No idea what Murphy is doing now

That being said, the most important thing to me were the nonviolent resolutions and being nice to the monsters. I think the real reason I kept playing is because it did keep offering outcomes that let me try to be peaceful and show compassion to the big sad mean monsters... whether that was in the romance itself, or towards the antagonists, that was actually great fun.

It's not even something you necessarily get to do in a Bioware game because combat is considered the lifeblood of video games (maybe in some older games you can talk down the antagonist, thinking of the original Fallout here - but notably its sequel eschewed this, almost like a joke) and the type of character I tend to construct for this setting is the gentlest I can think of, just because such gentle characters are so rare. So it's very very valuable to me to get to play that.

That actually brings me into what I liked about the romances, which is that I never had to consistently hit a 'flirt' option - something I hate about how RPG's construct romance now - because that's not even how people become attracted to each other! - and it asked me what route I was going to take. Notably on my second playthrough, it asked me why I had been avoiding Morgan - so it actually integrated how you met those hidden romance checks into the storytelling, even when I went through a romance with fewer checks seemingly hit. (I think this might've been because I let her wait outside? But why would I force my character on her? Lol).

And because Detective Majestic (okay I was thinking of Destroy All Humans because cops/supernatural/special agencies, I wanted something silly, and then they kept using her surname the whole goddamned playthrough...) is so gentle, she never pushed Adam not even once, and it let me keep playing that way without punishing that playstyle because it didn't ~meet the romance checks~, but it also had romantic scenarios where neither of them let themselves do anything hahaha, which was amazing. This is probably the rarest portrayal of romance I've ever seen in a CYOA/RPG, and pretty much redeemed my experience because it was so fun to actually play something unique which met me halfway. That in itself is very hard to do - the reason you'd structure something linearly with absolute checks is just because this method is very complex to write. Now you've got more than 'romance - no romance' to write a route for.

So the discovery element was really the strongest, and I enjoyed it for that reason above all else. It let me be nice, pacifistic, and play a romance with a unique approach - and though I am not always the kindest on some requisite romance tropes (part of the reason I liked playing a gentle character is that I like the subversion of pushy romance tropes lol) it was admittedly quite fun!

I'm glad I checked it out, so now I know who is the one with long hair and who isn't, and though I am rather curmudgeonly, I had a little bit of fun. I can definitely see how this would service a rich transformative fandom - especially because I don't know if you could reasonably write a sex scene in the main story proper. Blood sucking might have to supplement it... that's what the vampire can be a facsimile for, just with a much more negative portrayal, lol. Probably a separate thesis to be written on why the vampire has enjoyed a burgeoning positive reception in modern romance.

[javert]

ok let's brainstorm this. if i did rewrite itsoh 1 (again...) what changes would i make to it in to fix its various issues? this is like ultra in the weeds brainstorming. i just like cut once again to spare your dashes

fair warning that this post is likely to include spoilers for ALL of itsoh, including the act 2 twist, which i really honestly recommend you do not spoil yourself on if you're ever planning on reading itsoh for real. unless you're someone who dgaf about spoilers. but the end of itsoh act 2 is really good so. you know. reader beware etc

first of all, i should state two things for the record

i am given to understand that it is "totally normal" to write 3 drafts of a book

however, if i knew someone else who was like "man, i'm thinking about going back to the first novel i ever wrote 10 yrs ago, and rewriting it for the third time" i would try to kill them in order to stop them from doing this. the temptation to endlessly rehash your old work is like the worst thing a writer can fall victim to and i really do not want it to happen to me

otoh. well. i want to fix my goddamn problem and i also want itsoh to be good (which it is not)

now. that all said lol. let's break this down. uh i have no other way of structuring my thoughts other than my question-and-answer session so that's what this post is gonna be

what is the actual problem with itsoh 1 as it stands that you are trying to solve?

even though the line level prose is fine, people bounce off of it for a variety of reasons, most likely because the stakes and tensions are poorly defined, and the plot does not follow an appropriate arc

it's also too long, sitting at 130k words. it should probably be 95k, absolute max-- itsoh 1 is not a particularly complicated story

what do you actually want itsoh 1 to accomplish?

it needs to be a compelling story on the book-level, while also setting the plot of the entire trilogy in motion

it needs to be thematically coherent and "work" in concert with the rest of the series

it needs to introduce the reader to the itsoh world and serve as a strong worldbuilding foundation for the rest of the series

it needs to make the reader like, or at least understand, the whole main cast

it needs to center the relationship between yan and sid, because book 2 focuses on sid-kino, and book 3 gets kino-yan

what are the thematic thrulines that this book needs to have?

itsoh 1 is about yan learning that she has the power to do great harm, and trying to deal with that revelation in increasingly desperate and obviously non-functional ways. she needs to move from willful ignorance-- a state of false innocence-- to a fall from grace, to at least some level of self-understanding. from blind complicity to a at least beginning to wrestle with her complicity, even if she remains complicit.

like itsoh is "about" these circles of harm that repeat and spiral outwards and inwards, and the limits of forgiveness to end these cycles, but the necessity of it nonetheless.

it's also of course about the inability to understand other people even if you're literally inside their brains all the time, and the pain that can cause

now i think those themes are actually expressed fairly coherently in itsoh 1 as it stands (they are sorta the emergent properties of the book) but i need to strengthen the story arc while maintaining them

what are the concrete problems in the story arc right now?

i think splitting the yan and aymon POVs is bad structrually-- it complicates the story for relatively little gain. i think the aymon POV needs to be eliminated (RIP...). there is a little that really is difficult to communicate without Aymon POV so idk, maybe i could reduce it without cutting it? but it's cleaner to rip of the bandaid and cut it...

the political arc that yan goes to deal with in this story is dumb and bad and is a total nothingburger b/c it's window dressing for yan to angst about other shit. this is bad, obvs.

the reason i split aymon and yan up is so that yan could have her little moment to be forced to solve a problem when she was the only one who could solve it-- she needs to be away from Aymon for that to happen

yan does not want things clearly or coherently enough from the get-go. this is partially because she is. well. she's yan. lol. she is ignoring that shit to the fullest possible extent

kino is not well developed in itsoh 1, which is... somewhat intentional

there are probably other minor issues but they all spiral out from these ones

let's look at all the major beats of the og story version, decide what each of them is doing, and either keep or remove them

introductory chapters for yan and aymon. i really like the restaurant chapter for yan but if we're ditching aymon pov it's fine we can lose his

everyone meets each other <- unavoidable but really not done very well

i think there's some guild bs that happens next, this can almost certainly be restructured, since it's all part of the politics plot that is not very good. i like the guild succession struggle arc but it can be done better, especially to contrast it with EHI's "equal and opposite" arc along similar lines. i think it's Fine to have this be a repeated *thing* in itsoh b/c the story is about these kinds of unbreakable cycles

yan and sid are sent off to do politics bs, aymon takes kino to go tour a warzone

on the way to do their politics bs, yan and sid are attacked by pirates, and yan turns them into a fine mist with her psychic powers. this makes her feel apocalyptically bad for 3000 different reasons

when kino and aymon are in the warzone, kino fucks off and gets lost for reasons that are mysterious to the reader. aymon and halen have to hunt her down to rescue her

the small problems that carry everybody from one event to the next get resolved

everybody meets back up and go "well that was fucked that you had to kill all those people yan, sorry that happened to you, let's get back to business now"

sid freaks out and decides to quit his job, yan and kino convince him to come back

the end

boy when written out like this it is. not good. lol.

like on one level i do really like the kind of singular spectacular moment of violence happening at the 1/3 mark of the story and the rest being fallout from that-- i think that's interesting and a kind of worthwhile story to tell-- but i think i need to justify it by having the rest of the structure support it better.

i guess i'm toying around with a few thoughts

i intentionally had yan not go to the warzone in the og draft because i wanted her to have this awareness of her personal responsibility, but not acknowledge her institutional responsibility. it's like intentionally kept just outside the realm of yan's conscious thought, and therefore the reader needs to understand things that yan doesn't (or refuses to). yan is not exactly a reliable narrator lol.

i separated kino from yan and sid b/c kino has got her own shit going on. i needed the reader to have some awareness of this but again have it not be stated (it doesn't come to light until act 2) i think i could be slightly more forthright though.... i mean. i still want the act 2 twist to be shocking lol

augh

ok. i think i need to let go of "yan doesn't go to the warzone"-- this story is about complicity. in act 2-- it gives yan a chance to change, but it doesn't resolve any of the underlying tensions that act 1 brings up, because it's making a movement in a new direction. act 1 needs to be sorta solidifying a downfall from which yan can try to redeem herself later.

i think part of my problem is that i have been allowing this book to sorta... confirm yan's thoughts about herself. like the book does not challenge her self-perception enough? i'm not explaining this well but i feel it very deeply that this is a fundamental flaw of the earlier drafts.

now i'm sorta putting the pieces together in my mind here. here are some major changes

delete aymon POV. i think this makes him an immediately more ambiguous and darker figure, and i think that there could be a bit more of a grim mentor-mentee relationship between him and yan that reinforces a lot of the vibes i'm trying to get across with how yan sees her place in the world and responsibility in it

i think also, in addition to killing pirates and learning she's capable of great harm, i think yan has to hurt sylva (her love interest) pretty deeply, if accidentally, and maybe not actually repair that hurt until late act 2?

politics plot gets deleted b/c nobody gaf. it's not the point of the book.

that means yan and sid have to do something else-- i think if we replace the random politics plot with some focused guild stuff, that would be good-- like yan has to go meet with them for something, but because of the way she acted with the pirates there is major tension there which would help tie back in to her family plotline

i think we could push the prose. make this book weirder feeling. i'm better at life than i was now when i wrote it in 2022 last time... i could do this...

now this is all well and good but idk if it's actually solving my structural issues, b/c like right now what i'm feeling the plot structure looks like is

introduction stuff, whatever, this is standard, and this lasts for the first 1/3 of the novel. there's like beats in here but it's worldbuilding + character introductions etc.

aymon decides he needs to go visit the warzone, coincidentally the guild is also having some kind of Event that they need a representitive from the imperial government at. the gang splits up-- aymon goes to the front alone, yan and sid go to visit the guild, kino and halen stay home and let kino be """in charge""" for a while

i think while all of the who-goes-where is being decided, kino has to do something to "cheat" in order to be given this assignment-- yan has to catch her but say nothing b/c she feels like she "gets" why kino doesn't want to go do the guild/warzone stuff. (yan is forced into it due to her relationship with the guild)

it has to be at this point i think that yan hurts sylva very deeply, so she leaves on this mission already feeling off kilter

as yan & sid are en route to the guild thing, the ship they're on is attacked by pirates. this is the same plot beat as in the og

deal with the guild plot, whatever it is, + yan family drama, etc

yan + sid both feeling apocalyptically bad join aymon at the warzone

???

everyone meets back up at emerri and yan has her long awaited heart to heart with halen to sorta solidify her place emotionally at the end of this book. also probably have her be a bit mean to sylva here, etc

it is revealed that kino was up to some shit while everyone else was away, but idt we get to know what that shit was

at some point in this mess, sid needs to have done something that will cause the emperor to punish him and take his power away for a while

the end

now. i think this is already a bit stronger and cleaner, but that ??? is haunting me because that is where The Climax Of The Book would go. and i do not know what to put there, because i fear that anything i put there would take away from the intensity of the earlier scene (which is imo really important to keep intense and singular!)

but idk, maybe it's fine to have yan move visibly from her feelings of personal responsibility for harm to much more institutional feelings of duty, where she can "let" some of the guilt rest on someone else's shoulders because it doesn't "belong" to her. so we could have a major military scene in that zone, just as long as i properly manage that tension-- maybe yan and aymon work together (or are even in each other's minds) in order to carry out some kind of operation. to do what, idk.

man... this requires rewriting the whole book lmfao. but! if i can keep it to 90k words that's only 6 weeks of work... <- devil talking devil talking devil talking

also i would need to before i even started this make a very comprehensive outline for acts 2 & 3 to like make sure everything actually is as it should be and i'm setting myself up for success in every metric.

anyway i think this is something. or at least it's not nothing. it's midnight i need to go to bed lol

i feel like this is such a classic case of "itsoh would be so good if it was good" lol

[rebonky]

Bunny by Mona Awad 3/5 stars | 📖 | Read 9/20 - 10/8, 2024

This is probably the weirdest book I’ve ever read. That wasn’t too surprising, though. I anticipated something bizarre. What I got, though, was much more with a dark academia aesthetic, horror elements, and a commentary on MFAs that dipped into the satirical. This book has a lot brewing under the surface, examining the dynamics of cults, female friendship, and loneliness. You have to be willing to put in some effort to figure out what’s going on, but really, the only way to get through it is by embracing that it’s nearly impossible to grasp everything.

I admire this novel from a craft level a lot. The prose was masterfully written and beautiful to read. Awad curated the details so that the reader only knew what she wanted them to know at every moment. This helped in framing Samantha, the main character, as an unreliable narrator and in building the eeriness and suspense. While some truths are revealed in the end, Awad was definitely intentional about leaving the reader wondering what aspects of the plot were real even after the final page.

My rating for this book really comes down to personal preference. I think the book is well-done for the most part, but I just didn’t find myself enthralled by the story. This is the third dark academia novel I’ve tried this year (the others being The Secret History and If We Were Villains), and while this one is tonally different from the others, I would say my enjoyment was about the same. I would’ve absolutely LOVED to dissect this book in a literature class or a book club, but otherwise, dark academia is probably just not the genre for me.

[daughterofheartshaven]

I'm bored and low spoons and @presidentdisastraofgallifrey just informed me that a) Rozlyn Forrester just became one of their favorite companions and b) they'd love a reading list of Roz Forrester stuff. And making that doesn't take much spoons.

So here we go.

The Rozlyn Forrester comprehensive breakdown

So firstly if you want a complete list of stories featuring Roz's run as a companion, here you go:

Original Sin

Sky Pirates!

Zamper

Toy Soldiers

Head Games

The Also People

Shakedown

Just War

Warchild

SLEEPY

Death and Diplomacy

Happy Endings

GodEngine

Christmas on a Rational Planet

Return of the Living Dad

Cold Fusion

Short Trips: 2040 (a short story prose collection that contains two stories starring Roz)

The Trial of a Time Machine (Big Finish audio story)

Vanguard (BF audio)

The Jabari Countdown (BF audio)

The Dread of Night (BF audio)

The Death of Art

Damaged Goods

So Vile a Sin

aaaaand we also have The Last Day and Decalog 4: Re:Generations, which are both a bit weird and I'll get to later.

Of course, some of these stories are, uh... not good. Here's my breakdown of the books (I haven't read either of the short stories. Talking about the audios later).

Original Sin: pretty dark, but pretty good. Also Roz's origin story and that's important. Does depict a pretty xenophobic and imperialist Earth Empire, and that doesn't get addressed until much later

Sky Pirates!: I didn't like it, but you probably would. Very Douglas Adams-type lunacy. Don't even know how to describe it.

Zamper: Ehhhhhh. It's fine, but it's also written by Transphobe Roberts, so if you're not being a completionist, it's not good enough to be worth your time.

Toy Soldiers: not a good book.

Head Games: I love Head Games, but a lot of people don't. Basically it is an examination of Seven at his worst and why he's like that. It's a decent Roz story but doesn't give her a ton of focus. Also the main antagonist is an entity that breached containment from the Land of Fiction.

The Also People. A masterful story. A masterful Roz story. But you're already reading it so you know that.

Shakedown. Pretty good Terrance Dicks fluff Sontaran/Rutan space story. It's a novelization/expansion of a home video spin off that doesn't have the Doctor in it (Shakedown: Return of the Sontarns is actually really good and can be found on youtube or whatever usually I do recommend) so that's why none of the BBC or Virgin -owned characters are in the middle third.

Just War: A pure historical set in Nazi-occupied space during WWII. Not really my sort of thing. I think it's well written?

Warchild: I've actually never read this one.

SLEEPY: An Earth colony world comes under attack from a mysterious force. I highly recommend, and it helps set up So Vile a Sin (although SVaS works well enough even if you haven't read SLEEPY)

Death and Diplomacy: You know, Roz was probably in this book. Can't remember anything about her from it.

Happy Endings: Fun and good, but, like, Roz isn't really doing anything in it. It does also have Brax and Romana if that's a plus. Neither of them do much either. Although this is the book where Romana is shown to have become president.

GodEngine: REALLY REALLY GOOD. Both from a plot perspective and from a Roz perspective. Highly recommend. Basically this is "what happened on Mars when the Daleks invaded Earth?"

Christmas on a Rational Planet: I do not remember much from this.

Return of the Living Dad: A good book, but not really a standout Roz book. Very focused on Bernice Summerfield and her reunion with her father.

Cold Fusion: YOU NEED TO READ THIS. This is the seventh Doctor/fifth Doctor crossover, and you need Roz and Adric teaming up to take down a scientific megacorp in your life. Like this is one of my favorite Doctor Who books in general, and Roz in excellent form here.

The Death of Art: I could not follow this. Has a few good scenes (including Chris Cwej attempting to impersonate the Doctor

Damaged Goods: A serious contender for most fuckin grimdark thing I've ever read. Like yes, this was RTD's first Who story, and yes, it's gay, but DAMN this thing is too gleefully brutal for its own good.

So Vile a Sin: An extremely good book, an extremely good Roz book, and featuring the very cathartic fall of a very bad empire.

So if you want my Roz Recommendation books that's:

Original Sin

Sky Pirates!

Head Games (only if you're willing to take a risk)

The Also People

Shakedown

SLEEPY

GodEngine

Cold Fusion

So Vile a Sin

As for the audios, they're all right. Worth listening to. I think they get Roz as a character. The Jabari Countdown is probably the best for queer reasons, but none of them are, like, amazing.

And circling back to the two weird things. Decalog 4 is a short story collection that is basically chronicling Roz's family history, from its humble origins in the present day, to being one of the most powerful families in the world in Roz's time a thousand years in the future. I have not read it and it does not actually have Roz herself in it, but, like. It didn't feel complete to talk about this list without it.

And finally, Roz is actually a major player in The Last Day, although since she doesn't show up until halfway through, her involvement is a little spoiler-y. But something to look forward to once you've finished the Gods and Monsters arc.

[composerbutnevercomposed]

Reading Recap - April

This month I read way less books than last month, I only got through 4, but to be quite honest I also picked up a lot of books and put them down as well.

** Spoilers Ahead! **   

★★★★★

Lights Out - ★★

Okay, so I ended up picking this up on a whim while picking up the Ruinous Love Trilogy, and read this before I read the other two in the series. It was okay? I was honestly kind of embarrassed to add this to my recap because it's so corny. I think the way I’d put it is “exactly what I expected based on all the reviews.” I didn’t find it as funny as others did, but I feel like most of the humor was able to shine more in the audiobook? The plot was basically non-existent besides “I’m being stalked by my favorite TikTok thirst trap account,” but at the same time it didn’t need to be anything more than that. I somewhat liked that the female main character pretty much figured out that Josh (the masked love interest) was Josh within the first 3 chapters of them being a thing, and how there was no doubt in her mind it was him lol. It’s a lot of smut, a lot of fake-tough dude stuff, not much else to say.

Leather and Lark - ★★½

God, I really wanted to like this more. This is the book that comes after “Butcher and Blackbird,” and it really just misses the mark for me. Lachlan (male love interest) is so under-developed besides being “grumpy” and “the older brother” and the arranged marriage he’s in with Lark is so hare-brained it’s unfunny. It’d be one thing if it was a flimsy excuse that set up a good “enemies to lovers” romance, but they literally so quickly begin to like each other you have to roll your eyes. Another thing that drove me crazy is that they literally kill off what is set up to be the main antagonist in the series in the second book , so that in third book (see below) they have to create a new antagonist with even less weight who also wants everyone dead (gasp). Also, their “nicknames” for each other our as follows: Duchess, Blunder Barbie ‘feckin’ catastrophe, and Budget Batman. Blech.  The one thing I did like about the book was how the two main characters met in the first place and set up their antagonistic relationship.

Scythe and Sparrow - ★★★½

This was the better of the final two books in this series, but still no where a close to good as the first. I felt like all of the characters were well set up, it was an interesting premise, but at this point I was kind of bored? Especially since this was a flashback book, a lot of the scenes were scenes from the book that involved the two main characters but from a different perspective. It just left a lot to be desired when most of the back-half had very few new scenes for the series. And Fionn! Ugh what a disappointment, he’ a male love interest literally made for me (doctor, crocheter, reality TV junkie) and I was so bored because we already knew everything about him from the first two. Also, just a fair warning if you do read this: people pearl-clutch about a lot of “gross” scenes in these books, but genuinely this only one that made me actually go “ew.” Good, but not great.

Emily Wilde’s Encyclopedia of Faeries - ★★★★

What a great turn of events after a bunch of meh! Total Sophie + Howl vibes, if you get my drift. Emily is your typical Evelyn O’Connel-type Victorian protagonist, with a degree in fairy-shit. And her love interest Wendell Bambleby, is an arrogant, lazy probably-fairy academic rival to her, who annoys her to no end (until he doesn’t). I was initially put-off by the prose in the introduction (she definitely leaned to hard into Austenian-esque prose to make you know This Is Historical Fiction), but I found the book hit it’s stride about a quarter of the way in. Low stakes, lots of humor, and really beautiful descriptions of the fantastical Icelandic fairies the author came up with. And the romance was adorable. It’s a series, however I don’t know if I’m going to pick up the next one right away? I liked it but I didn’t love it, and I have other books I want to read right now.

Currently Reading

Slow Days, Fast Company by Eve Babitz

This has been really good so far! I’m about half-way through, and I love how this memoir reads like fiction. You don’t realize Eve, the narrator isn’t the main character because she believes she’s the main character. Her prose and descriptions of California are lush without being pretentious, it’s succinct. Circling back to the original point I made, I think that’s the key to why this is working so much for me: Eve believes everything she’s telling you with her whole heart, and it makes you believe as well. Should be quick to finish, I just haven’t yet. 

May TBR

Lot of repeats here from last month, probably will happen again 

Johnathan Strange and Mr. Norrel  & Cruel Prince, carrying over from last month.

The Starless Sea - I brought my copy with me for my trip at the start of this month, fingers crossed!

Deep Cuts - I kept seeing this book at Barnes & Noble, and I finally said “fuck it” and bought it cuz it’s so up my alley

James - I feel like I��have to read this at this point, every person who’s a reader I know has been raving about it.

[a-court-of-moonlight-and-ire]

I finished acotar a while ago and I was gonna write a review right away but then christmas happened and I was pretty busy and wanted to enjoy myself so youre getting like two weeks late

It was fine, I really didnt have any strong feelings about the book itself. Like, my main complaints are that it was pretty boring and directionless for most of it and stuff thats mainly related to the next books, if I just look at it as a standalone I would describe it as "not for me, but not that bad"

That is, until we get to Under The Mountain, where everything just gets really stupid and convoluted. That whole section, which is a solid fourth or fifth of the whole book, severely clashes with the sweet fairytale romance that came before it. It reminds me of how all those twilight-knockoff trilogies in the 2010s would have two pretty low-stakes books worth of basically only romance with some weird magic sprinkled on top, and then in the last book it would turn out that the protagonist and her beloved need to Go To War or the world will end except even worse (also now that I think about it, the first three acotar books also seem to be structed like that, so youre getting two shitty plot structures in one. yayyyyyyy)

There was literally no reason for all of that happen, it was honestly just unpleasant reading about Feyre, who had spent the book recovering from her trauma in a way that was genuinely pretty nice to read about, being tortured for three months until she was feeling worse than she ever had before. And some people might say "oh, thats the point, its meant to be tragic" but it didnt feel like tragedy, it just felt tonally dissonant. Also, the entire ending was so weird and dragged out, like that bit where she and Tamlin are staying one last night UTM for some reason and then she talks to Rhysand before they finally leave and its like, BRO dont stay in the Palace of Torments for any longer than you have to, just leave through that portal-tunnel thing

Speaking of Rhysand, he wasnt that bad in this book but Im sure my opinion on him will change. The main thing that sticks out about him is how sjm simply could not resist ALREADY explaining all of his motivations and portraying him as someone whos obviously so noble, despite all the obviously horrific and completely unecessary shit hes doing. Like, theres that scene where Rhysand crushes that guy's brain when Amarantha ordered him to crush his mind and the narration goes "that was actually an act of mercy from Rhysand" ??? that mightve worked better in third person limited where youre working without the implication that the prose is the pov character's actual thoughts, but since its first person and meant to be Feyre's thoughts I was just like "why is she thinking that when she should be thinking 'holy fucking shit, i just signed my life over to a guy who could squish my mind like a grape if he wanted to?!?!?!!'"

Also, theres that scene where Rhysand comes into Feyres cell to "escape from it all" or whatever and he basically monologues to her about his sympathetic motivations and I just. sarah, girlie, you shouldve saved this shit for the second book. Like, rewrite the scene so that he just comes in eithout a word, hes totally unresponsive to Feyre insulting him or trying to ask him what hes doing here, he just sits down in the corner, knees pulled to his chest, he mutters something vague about just wanting to be left alone, maybe he's even got tears in his idk. I think that would be a far more effective way to have him be sympathetic in a more subtle way than just having him monologue his tragic circumstances and noble intentions at Feyre

Thats about it so far, I'll probably start reading ACOMAF in january when winter break is over and I can read it on the bus and in class again

[butterflydm]

Since you're on a reread right now (and I don't have the spoons for one), I'm curious: does Min pass the Bechdel test after she leaves Salidar?

Oh, that is a huge task, anon!

Haha, off the top of my head, I can't think of any -- maybe her telling Melaine about her being pregnant, if you count her napping on Rand's lap as her 'leaving' her earlier conversation and starting a new one, oh but Rand is still part of that convo, so I guess it doesn't count. Ah, maybe a super-late series conversation she has once she leaves Rand's side counts.

I know that most of the female characters talk to other female characters about plot points fairly frequently but once Min gloms herself to Rand, most of her conversations happen with at least one man around or a man as the object of the convo, I think. But actually sifting through the books to check would be a pretty big task.

What I can do is run a general search on my pdfs and see if I get any results that might count. I'm going to use "Min said" or "said Min" as my search phrases, which is not ideal and probably won't find every time she talks to someone (it misses any time she was introduced in a scene via prose but then Jordan used "she said", for example) but should hopefully give an idea.

TEotW: the only time she talks to someone 'on-screen' in this book is her conversation with Rand, so nothing in this book.

TGH: has ten conversations in this book. First one mentions Rand; second one mentions Galad and Logain; third one mentions Rand (and is the first occurrence of her blaming Rand for things that are her own choice); fourth one mentions Doman; fifth one counts!; sixth is with Doman; seventh one counts!; eighth one counts!; ninth one is about Rand; tenth is with Rand. So 3 out of 10 aren't about or with men.

TDR: has four conversations in this book. First one is about Rand; second one is about Rand; third one is about Rand; fourth one is about Rand. So 0 for 4 in this one.

TSR: has four conversations in this book. First one mentions Gawyn; second one is with Gawyn and Galad; third one is about Rand; fourth one is her helping Leane and Siuan escape and counts; fifth one is with Gawyn. 1 out of 4.

TFoH: has five conversations. First one is about Gareth Bryne and Rand; second one maybe technically counts but Min is thinking about men a lot during it; third one is about Logain; Elayne and Min's reunion technically counts because they don't mention Rand out loud but he's the obvious subtext; and then they do talk about him in the fifth conversation. So... two half points adding up to one full one?

LoC: has six conversations. First one is about Rand (and is Min expressing the idea that Rand is the only thing that gives her happy thoughts); the second is about Rand; the third is her reunion with Rand; the fourth technically counts but is about her escaping Merana and the embassy so that she can go see Rand again; the fifth is Perrin introducing Faile and Min; the sixth is with Rand. So maybe half a point, but that 'conversation' is a single line of dialogue and the subtext was about Rand.

ACoS: has four conversations. First one is with Rand; second one is with Rand; third one is about Rand; fourth one is with Rand. 0 out of 4.

TPoD: has three conversations. First one is Min fetching drinks for Rand and Dobraine; second one is with Rand; third one is with Rand. 0 out of 3.

WH: has seven conversations. First one is with Rand; second one is with Rand; third one is about Rand (Min talks about how she "doesn't tell him things he doesn't need to know"); third one is the group love confession to Rand; fourth one is about Rand; fifth one is with Rand; sixth one is about Rand; seventh one is with Rand. 0 out of 7.

CoT: has one conversation, with Rand. 0 out of 1.

KoD: has eight conversations. First one is about Rand; second one is about Rand; third one is with Rand (and is the infamous "Min struts sexily through corpses on a battlefield" scene); fourth is with Rand; fifth is with Rand and Loial; sixth is with Rand; seventh is about Rand; eighth is about Rand. 0 out of 8.

TGS: has nine conversations. First is with Rand; second is with Rand; third is with Rand; fourth is about Rand; fifth is with Rand; sixth is with Rand; seventh is about Rand; eighth is about Rand; ninth is about Rand. 0 out of 9.

ToM: has seven conversations. First is about Rand; second is with Rand; third is with Rand; fourth is with Rand; fifth is with Rand; sixth is with Rand; seventh is with Rand. 0 out of 7.

AMoL: has fourteen conversations. First is with Rand; second is with Bryne; third is about Bryne; fourth is with Mat (and features their bizarrely appearing from nowhere friendship); fifth is with Mat; sixth is with Mat; seventh is about Mat; eighth includes Mat but most of the scene is a conversation between Min and slaver princess; ninth is with Mat; tenth is about Gareth Bryne and Mat (her convo with Siuan); eleventh technically counts but it's her leaving a helpless slave to die while cursing her for not helping (when Min should know that it's impossible) and is only two words and is said along the way to rescuing Mat, which is her focus in the scene; twelfth is with Mat; thirteenth is about Mat; and her last scene in the series is about Rand. So... half a point out of 14, I guess?

Just for comparison's sake, I'll pull out a random book for Aviendha and see what I get. I used a randomizer to give me a book number between 3-14 and got 9, so Winter's Heart. I'll use the same criteria ("Aviendha said" and "said Aviendha"). I'm doing Aviendha instead of, for example, Elayne, because I feel like Aviendha is closer to the same kind of secondary character status as Min, while Elayne is a main character so she's going to be talking a lot more.

Aviendha in Winter's Heart: ten conversations.

First conversation is her first-sister bonding with Elayne. While it does touch on Rand during the confessions, the bonding itself is a whole group of women talking about a bonding ceremony between two women. Still, for fairness sake, I won't count it.

Second conversation is talking with Birgitte about Nynaeve. 1 point.

Third conversation is with Birgitte, Elayne, and Nynaeve and they talk about Dyelin's loyalty and Aviendha teases Elayne about her being overly proud. They do mention male assassins during the convo, so I won't count it.

Fourth conversation is the love confession with Rand (as mentioned above).

The fifth conversation is introducing Min to Birgitte. Again, Rand is somewhat mentioned here, so I won't count it.

Sixth conversation mentions Elayne tricking people into thinking Mellar is her kids' dad, so doesn't count.

Seventh is Aviendha and Elayne talking about pregnancy and the Kin, so that's a second point.

Eighth is Aviendha, Elayne, and Birgitte talking over plans; third point.

Ninth is Aviendha talking to Birgitte about Elayne. Fourth point.

Tenth is Aviendha talking to Master Norry to get him to leave a very-tired Elayne alone, doesn't count.

For 4 out of 10 for Aviendha there.

[rriavian]

I have a curiosity about Baiting the Trap / Courting the King / chapter 1, when Gault visits Dream in the throne room. Gault says "The Corinthian is avoiding me". I wanted to know more if possible about why the Corinthian is keeping away from Gault and why there is for a moment a palpable tension between Gault and Dream :)

So I’ve actually been wanting to talk about this for months and months, because while it crosses into the plot of CtK it’s not really what it’s focusing on. There’s the beginnings of the thread in CtT too. I’d thought a lot about Gault when I was writing—have a lot of discarded prose that delves into it—and I picked her specifically to be the third character Dream interacts with in chapter 1. She contrasts very nicely with the Corinthian in a lot of ways and I’ve always thought her dream self would make him incredibly uncomfortable.

(Disclaimer: I do really like Gault so while some of this might seem very critical please bear with me.)

That moment of tension between her and Dream comes from how I feel her decisions in season one may have affected their relationship. And the Corinthian’s avoidance of Gault is a direct response to her becoming a dream. What Dream did to (for?) Gault is something to fear for the Corinthian. What’s an act of agency for her is a loss for him—though Dream’s alterations to Gault can be said to have only been surface level and in allowing her to call herself/officially act as a dream, the Corinthian doesn’t know that.

The Corinthian only sees Dream’s ability to change him at will, with or without his consent.

He only sees how easy it is. Only sees Gault asking for permission to change. That isn't the agency the Corinthian is trying to grasp. He doesn’t see her needing to ask for Dream’s approval to really be agency at all. The idea that change hinges on Dream’s allowance of it sits badly with him even as he still craves his creators approval, which is interesting because Dream is actually pleased by the fact he hasn't asked.

The Corinthian is also insulted by Gault even wanting to become a dream at all. It’s like oh? You don’t want to be a nightmare any more? You think you’re better than me because the King gave you some pretty wings and made you a dream? 

This leads into how some of these reasons are reflected in Dream’s response to Gault. I see it as that, outside of her personal feelings, Gault has implied a hierarchy. A bias. And this is part of the reason why Dream is tense with her. There is also her misjudgement of him carrying forward into CtK even after she’d been made a dream (as if she hasn’t yet learned what he was trying to help her realise). When she visits him in the throne room Gault implies he’d kept the Corinthian from talking to her on purpose.

So part of the Corinthian’s very personal reasoning for avoiding her is reflected in Dream but in a much wider context. For Dream it’s not an ego thing, not really about her rejecting how he made her. It’s an insult to the King. To his role and to what that means. But it’s not just that, the wider context also includes the Dreamer’s, and he sees it as a rejection of them too. Of their need for what Gault is. Dream will probably be making something to fill her role, the role she found so intolerable, and so I think what matters most to Dream is the insult to them.

As he said to Burgess when he was freed from the cage:

“Have you any idea the damage you’ve done to your world?”

By separating Jed she stole him. Not just from Dream. But from his right as a Dreamer. It’s something I delved into a bit in ‘In Silence’ but part of the crime in what she did to Jed is in how she imposed her will/feelings onto a Dreamer. The Sandman/Nightmare King conflict came from her. (“You are the Sandman? Is that what she told you?”) Gault added to Jed's dream, built it with him by using her own perspectives, her own feelings of wishing for freedom. What she did was an abuse of power, it takes the Dreamer away from the center of their own subconscious experience. Akin to a therapist using a session for their own needs.

Her own attempts to reconcile the two halves of Dream’s role also showed him that she doesn’t really understand him either.

From what we see of it, Gault’s issues with Dream are very very self-based (I don’t want to say selfish because it’s not an intrinsically negative thing and I think there’s a difference between having those feelings and the way she acted upon them). It’s very much ‘I don’t want to be this any more, I want to change’ and ‘your rules are the issue’ and the framing of a I vs you is very similar to how the Corinthian frames his own rebellion. It’s the reason why rebellion is punished so harshly, and the reason why the other creations leaving the Dreaming is such a tragic, painful thing. Because Dream doesn’t frame his responses like that, doesn’t see this as a personal conflict at all.

It’s always the good of the Dreamer’s vs individual wants/needs. An attempt to negotiate that without failing his duties, an attempt at balance that doesn’t compromise why Dream and all his creations exist.

That balance might need to shift (as the series shows us Dream is testing out different ways of change) but it’s such a huge deal because of the risk of what might happen if he gets it wrong. Dream is thinking of the wider picture. He’s thinking of all the Dreamers, all his subjects, of the responsibility he has that is also shared with his creations (especially major acarna!) and he’s reacting as a ruler should. 

A misunderstanding of this is a bigger insult coming from all three of his major arcana. While Fiddler’s Green doesn’t ‘rebel’ as such, Gault and the Corinthian both seem to see their rebellion as a noble retaliation against tyranny, a quest for agency against a ruler that allows them none. But both of them are wrong, or at least have a warped perspective of what exactly Dream is and what he represents. 

Which returns us to the point about the Sandman/Nightmare King conflict Gault adds to Jed’s dream. It's not just a judgement of him and it definitely factors into that tension between these characters because in regards to measuring his creations against one another Dream is neutral. 

(Bar that lovely masterpiece comment of course)

It’s more accurate to say that he doesn’t show prejudice to nightmares like Lucienne does (who demonstrates very clear bias against both Gault and the Corinthian), but Gault’s argument/request undermines this position. In blindly pushing so hard for her own interests—again, not saying she is wrong to want to change—she essentially forces Dream to appear to pick a side. To perhaps imply favouritism. To set a precedent without thinking through the consequences.

What could these be?

Well, they are the Corinthian’s complaints in a more widespread form. All of the other creations seeing the King allowing this and wondering what that means for what they are; other creations feeling disrespected, nightmares wondering what’s so bad about them that made Gault want not to be one anymore, dreams being like oh so can we be demoted?

As I said, it’s potentially introducing the idea of there being a hierarchy. 

Dream isn’t really supposed to do that and I think there will be ramifications in the rest of the series. There is a happy resolution though that’s pretty easy to implement as a balance in how perhaps a dream being like 'yo I want to be a nightmare' could ease tensions. But at the moment there is no balance to this decision. And Dream isn't going to force one of his dreams to make that transition. I think Gault put Dream in a very difficult position with her request and assumed it was just him being a dick that fuelled resistance. She doesn’t see the bigger picture. 

So I think Dream is angry on behalf of his other subjects too. 

There’s probably some personal rejection in there, but it isn’t the larger motivator. I could very much write an angsty oneshot about Gault and Dream tbh because I have thought so much about them. But what’s important too is that Dream gave her wings regardless. I don’t think Gault would have done that for him. Also she didn’t dictate it (there’s more on this but I will move on before this gets too much longer). Regardless of his personal feelings Dream made her the most beautiful dream he could. Perhaps as a lesson—in CtK I imply the gift is double edged—but also leading by example, a ‘you may feel disgruntled but don’t let it warp the work you do’.  

This also acknowledges her failings with Jed.

It’s Dream’s way of trying to help her figure out why he was so angry. As a personal choice ‘I don’t want to  make people afraid’ is not bad at all, but on a larger scale, when factoring in the bigger picture, it gets dicey. 

Dream has a kingdom to run. A service to keep running. He creates art he loves, but he’s got things that need doing, that he needs to do too, and it’s like going up to your supervisor half way through your shift and going ‘I hate my job give me another. Specifically that one. Oh also I’ve been doing it anyway and neglecting my own duties.’ And the supervisor being like ‘i can’t really do that right now so I need you to get back to work.’

Very oversimplified but hopefully you get my point. 

The job they all do is so incredibly important. And Dream has similar expectations for his creations as he does for himself. It’s like ‘I am not just your creator, I am your boss, your king, and I’m also responsible to a role I can’t escape. And as your king I have to tell you to just do your damn job’.

The allowance of her change is, for me, Dream saying ‘ok I will shoulder the heavier burden, give you the wings I wish I could give myself, because it’s not that you don’t deserve a freedom I can’t touch it’s that to give you it is far harder than it looks’

(But I am Dream and I will find a way)

Anyway, bringing it back to the Corinthian. He gets a different response because he isn’t about rejecting his nightmarish nature, or Dream’s, or classifying those parts as ‘bad’ . Gault has very much entered that territory. Really hope we see some development for her next season/some unpicking of that transformation and what it could mean in a wider context. I really think she might see some rejection/tension from other nightmares. To return to my supervisor metaphor. It’s like watching one employee seemingly get special treatment and being like ok what is going on here.

This got very long but hopefully coherent!

There’s a bit of dialogue coming up in the next fic where the Corinthian asks Dream straight out why he’s still angry at Gault but not at him. But I am honestly thinking of making the next part of the series a longer fic. Just because the lens is widening and I’d like to be able to pull some more of this stuff in, and explore a wider range of dynamics with other characters. Anyway thank you so much for the ask and hope this is an ok answer!

[anthyies]

Hi! Can I ask for more info about the necessity of reading Baru books 2 and 3? Because ngl, I really disliked book 1. Not because of the ending. The ending was the only part I liked. I was like, "Something is FINALLY happening in this goddamn book, the promised treacherous behaviour is FINALLY here." I know some people are reluctant to read on because they found the ending of book 1 devastating, but that was not my experience. Sure, it's sad, but it's narratively necessary. So... WILL reading the sequels help, in my case? I see so many people talk about how amazing this series is, comparing it to other series I really like (like Locked Tomb). What is it that makes the sequels worth reading to someone who didn't enjoy the first one?

tl;dr: idk if you’d like them. if you’re invested in baru as a character and her emotional arc try them. Long post under the cut lmfao sorry

without knowing why you disliked the rest of the first book i can’t really tell you whether you’d like the second and third. negative reviews of monster and tyrant revolve around a) “Baru is too emotional and messy and i wanted her to be a calculating mastermind cryptarch plotting” b) on the other hand “Baru is too cold unemotional calm and it’s freaky” (she is just autistic, most people who think this drop out at traitor) c) not connecting with how the cryptarchs are portrayed as a messy group of people / not liking the expanded scope and introduction of the cancrioth (secret cancer cult) / not liking the story of ash sections that focus on a new character, tau indi bosoka. take that as you will i guess? you need to be invested in baru as a character for them to work, i think. and it depends on what you want/expect from the books. if you were bored by the first book well the second and third do have a lot of things happening like the aforementioned cancer cult. basically yeah traitor is just the start of baru, i think monster and tyrant are necessary if you’re going to talk about baru being “grimdark” (imo it’s not), or if you want to figure out what the series wants to say, but if you didn’t like the start of baru’s arc idk if you’ll like the rest of it you know? it really does depend on ur investment in baru + what you want from her; a lot of neg reviews of monster are from people who expected something completely different.

monster and tyrant are special to me because of how baru’s arc is carried out as she deals with the aftermath of traitor - her narration does get wildly more emotional which im obsessed with personally #griefcore #widowpilled, and the emotional catharsis of baru freeing her mind from the influence of empire is incredibly important and personal to me. and i rec that people who have finished traitor and can’t make themselves read the next two because of emotional devastation read them because baru dealing with the emotional devastation helps 👍 it gets worse it gets to the worst place she could possibly be and then it starts to get better. also monster and tyrant have tau in them ❤️‍🔥 and ISCEND. and ulyu xe becomes so important. and aminata gets to be so fucked up and closeted-to-herself-probably-bisexual. they have fucked up gay women in these books 👆

re; locked tomb comparisons I’m not into tlt like that but i don’t really understand them beyond the superficial level of “lesbians who commit atrocities and also there’s an empire and also lobotomies and also dead gf in your head”. the lobotomy and dead gf in head happen in monster and tyrant fwiw (although the context of the lobotomy is so different .. they don’t match up thematically at all lmao. the htn lobotomy is out of love the baru lobotomy is an existentially horrifying threat). baru has a very different prose style and also is a much more focused look at empire like it is about empire and colonization that is what the books are about. whereas at least gtn/htn were not that focusedly about empire. also crucially baru is about homophobia it is very much about homophobia and tlt is queernormative (i prefer baru because she feels truer to my own experiences like when i say she is just like me her journey is personal to me i mean it lmfao. stream this essay)

[battyaboutbooksreviews]

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🦇 The Wedding Witch Book Review 🦇

❓ #QOTD What's your favorite witchy read? ❓ 🦇 Bowen Penhallow has always been a loner, studying dark and ancient magic on a mountaintop in Wales. Tamsyn Bligh is not a witch, but she makes her living off of them as a procurer of magical items. Bowen becomes her exclusive client—as well as the star of several of Tamsyn’s dirtiest dreams. They both attend a wedding at Tywyll House—Bowen to help a dearly departed friend, Tamsyn to complete a job that would set her up for life. Unfortunately, a strong spell combined with a wedding mishap transports Bowen and Tamsyn into Tywyll House’s past, to the Yuletide Celebration of 1958. Can Bowen and Tamsyn work together to get back to the present while fighting feelings for one another--before it's too late?

💜 Erin Sterling's prose is strong, witty, and enchanting. The chemistry between Tamsyn and Bowen is off-the-charts from the moment they meet in person, simmers through texts and emails, only to completely boil over once they meet again in person. This is a fun, flirty read, perfect for witchy season!

💙 Unfortunately, the story itself leaves much to be desired. As the third book in a series, the characters and world-building should be well-established. Instead, this reads like the writer was rushed to meet a deadline with only a half-baked idea. A lot of the chemistry builds off-page, leaving us with more of an insta-love story (no thank you). The mixed time travel/Parent Trap plot is messy, and most sources of conflict are resolved without explanation. There's so much potential here, but it doesn't quite meet the mark.

🦇 Recommended for fans of witch lit, paranormal romance, and April Asher's Supernatural Singles books.

✨ The Vibes ✨ 🐈‍⬛ Witch Lit 🧹 Only One Bed 👻 Work Relationship 👻 Time Travel + Parent Trap 🧹 Holiday Season 🐈‍⬛ Third in a Trilogy

🦇 Major thanks to the author and publisher for providing an ARC of this book via Netgalley. 🥰 This does not affect my opinion regarding the book. #TheWeddingWitch @Avonbooks / @HarperVoyagerUS

💬 Quotes ❝ "Read once that magic was like a naked blade. You can hold it, but you damn well better be careful with it, and even if you are, you are probably still going to bleed.” ❞ ❝ "I’m not having us break that rule on a technicality, Tamsyn,” he told her, his voice rough. “When we break it, it’ll be the real thing, cariad.” My love, he’d called her, because she was." ❞ ❝ “From the moment you walked into that pub,” he said, “I knew you’d be the making and the ruin of me all at once, woman.” ❞