#I have the option to not go back and I feel weird and privileged about it

[highladyluck]

Calculating my projected leave and if my OB is right about the due date, and if my colleague only takes 16 weeks, I’ll have to come back right in time for the second half of my busy season :(

I’m like ‘take 18 weeks!!!’ because if I take 18 I’ll get to miss the end of the fiscal year instead of getting dumped in right ahead of the transition.

[vigilskeep]

i think one of the things i find hard to understand about the aveline hawke dynamic is that. okay the basic setup is that aveline, regardless of her opinions of hawke, has an intense loyalty to them from lothering onwards that is almost impossible to break even seven years later. spying on hawke and potentially interfering with hawke’s brother’s career is what, in aveline’s words, saves her protectively “camping on [hawke’s] doorstep” after what they went through together. i can see what aveline thinks she owes hawke; hawke got them flemeth’s help, and helped deal with wesley in whatever way, and aveline got into the city off the back of the hawkes’ year of indentured work. although the way she shows it is weird and invasive, the reasoning all basically checks out, sure

i guess i just don’t understand what aveline ever did for hawke for hawke to let her do all that without the option to draw a boundary. fleeing from lothering, she doesn’t particularly protect hawke’s family, and all she says as long as she still has wesley is that they can all go back to hating each other when it’s over. and in kirkwall, she never does anything for hawke or hawke’s friends with her guard position, as i’ve been seeing people point out today, despite the extreme danger many of them live in day-to-day through no fault of their own. (and aveline only got that guard position in the first place because the hawke siblings were doing a year of ugly work to get her into the city at all!) she even makes hawke do the work that she doesn’t expect of the guards, and protects guards accused of rape from investigation the way she never does for hawke’s friends. i think a simple conversational mention that, idk, she spent a year helping feed your family while you and your sibling were working off the debts, or a personal quest where the protectiveness of you that she talks so much about actually happens, would do a lot.

the game often acts like she’s doing you a favour just by descending to walking around with the likes of you and your friends. but it’s not like you need that; you can leave aveline out of the party and go the entire game without getting anything from her at all. and it’s not like aveline is actually better than the rest of them to be lowering herself by working with them. the difference, exclusively, is that the privilege she was born with got her access to an above-board position and a legal life. which she shows no awareness of and you can’t point out. annoying!

i don’t just wish you had the option to kick her out of the party because i don’t want her there, although, admittedly, i’d be tempted. i feel like having the option would just make sense for her role as a companion. it’s irritating that you have to deal with how presumptuous and judgemental aveline is without any option to not put up with her, as if you owe her anything. the game lets you treat most of the other companions abysmally, but locks a lot of your roleplaying choices by for some reason always operating on the basic assumption that you and your character must like aveline and want her there, even on 100% rivalry. and i don’t understand why it expects that or what she did to earn it

[asthedeathoflight]

I think part of why people get so weird and moralizing about the vampires' relationships with each other is that they're trying to map them onto human romantic relationships which just doesn't really work. And I'm not even talking about the moral dimension of "these people have to kill and eat humans to survive." I mean that for literally any of these vampires the healthy thing to do in the human world is just to never speak to each other ever again but that is just not an option for them. They're stuck with each other for ETERNITY. Either they kill each other or they find a way to live with each other those are basically the only options. They dont really get to go no contact.

And like specifically I'm thinking about the ways people reacted to the finale reconciliation between Lestat and Louis and how a lot of people read that as Louis going back to his abusive husband, and I can see how that would feel really off putting. But I think - awkward as it is - in that scene Lestat is more accurately described as being Louis' abusive father. Like if you think about the period of Louis and Lestat being together as a marriage then yes. Its insane for Louis to say he's grateful. But if you think of it as Louis' childhood then what you get is someone who has struggled with depression and being suicidal for his whole life going back to his parent and saying /im glad you brought me into the world./ Thank you for creating me. Thank you for giving me a chance to figure this out. It can be empowering for people to let go of their anger against their parents and finally see them as people with flaws. And before anyone comes at me with the forgiveness-is-harmful-to-survivors crap: I Know. I had the privilege of getting to go completely no contact with a family member without that impacting any of my other family relationships. I have no interest in forgiving him ever. But thats because I never have to see him again. If he was at family dinner - and you KNOW lestat is gonna be at vampire family dinner - I would have to learn how to let go of that rage for my OWN sake. Because living with anger like that eats at you and it turns you into something you don't want to be.

Louis forgiving Lestat isn't about Lestat. Its about Louis. It's about him coming to terms with the fact that these are the things that happened to him in his life and nobody can change them and like it or not he's gonna have to deal with Lestat for the rest of eternity and he's choosing to meet Lestat as an equal, to reconnect on his own terms. And that can be a very powerful thing to do! Not everyone wants to close the door on the people who helped raise them, even if they were hurt badly by them.

[the2020haikyuuphase]

kagehina headcanons

the first week they were in karasuno together and dropping gay ass lines like "when i'm here you're invincible" and shit everyone in the club would just stop what they're doing and clock them.

but back then no one really knew each other because the first years were new to the club so everyone was too nice to say anything about it– EXCEPT gay ass tsukishima but kageyama and hinata always ignore him so

and then everyone just gradually became used to their BS and wouldn’t react. but every time they had a game and were acting like That the players on the opposing team would be like ‘??? tf going on here? explain why ur first years are acting like That??’ so karasuno would have to be reminded

kageyama getting cute aggression with hinata but not knowing what it is

hinata feeling stronger every time kageyama was near and thinking it's because kageyama treats him as an equal

kageyama and hinata planning on hanging out to do mostly volleyball-related stuff in high school but then it bleeding into their personal life. study sessions that do not help them at all (it's the blind leading the blind), dinner with the hinatas where hinata and kageyama are forced to play dolls with natsu. dinner at the kageyamas where hinata gets a haircut from miwa. going to eat out together but having no pocket change to do so (definition of broke fifteen year olds) so they try to find the cheapest vending machines.

everyone just assumed they'd get together eventually through high school because these boys were so obviously obsessed with each other. but then they never did and they stayed in the weird but comfortable in-between and confused the shit out of everyone

neither hinata or kageyama are romance-driven individuals at ALL so they never found out they had feelings for each other because they were just not fussed to dissect it. there's so much in their relationship that lays on top of their romantic love for each other that they find much more important

i think it isn't until they unofficially 'split' up that they realise 'actually i think i might be in love with this guy' but even then there's more important things then their love for each other. it doesn't shake them to their core or anything, it's just a bit heartbreaking because now they're apart and they only just came to terms with it.

funnily enough, they're not the type to be overthinking what the other is doing or getting jealous or possessive in the long interim. they know each other so well– they know exactly what the other would be doing and they respect it because they understand implicitly why their choices need to be made. it would have been the loss of understanding that would have really scared them, but they’re such soulmates i seriously doubt they would ever lose that

they are so secure in their relationship. they sort of implicitly know that at the end of the day, they'll be Them again because there's not really another option. all roads will lead back to each other. no one else completes and challenges the other like they do. so even though it can be painful, and there's a lot of obstacles through it all, life is long and winding and eventually they know they'll find the other again.

i think they would get with other people (especially i can see hinata doing that, i headcanon kageyama as demisexual so i think there would be less desire to experiment on his side) after high school and experiment and find out what they like and stuff. but they're always each other's number one.

yeah soulmatism at its finest

what WOULD hurt them is seeing the same sort of indescribable connection replicated by the other with someone else. it doesn't have to be romantic (it usually isn't), but knowing that other people have the privilege of growing beside the person they love above all else, but their dream forces them to be apart would def open up some wounds

nothing excites them more than playing against each other. it doesn't matter if its on the world stage or in someone's backyard

they have crazy eye sex through the net and everyone thinks they're freaks. straight teenage boys think they hate each other and make tiktok edits of their rivalry with brazillian phonk in the background. others just think they act gay for clout (loud incorrect buzzer)

probably had a impromptu makeout sesh in the locker rooms a few times. then they act completely normal after

their sisters fw them so bad. miwa and natsu text each other just to complain about how long it's taking for them to just... get married

kageyama offers to train natsu with volleyball a lot and offer her tips. miwa glams hinata up for special events on the house

when kageyama and hinata verse each other in a home game their families link up at one of their houses just to watch over dinner and after the game both kagehina go home together and just eat a late meal at whoever is hosting that night. they're arguing the entire time but it's chill

kagehina gets brand deals with rival companies alllllll the time

i think they actually start officially dating MUCH later in life. towards the end of their careers or after their careers as volleyball players. but at that point they've been in an unofficial relationship for twenty or so years and they act like it too.

idk if marriage and kids is for them tbh but i don't think it's necessarily out of the cards. i just think they'll be too distracted to settle for a long while. they have to practice extra long on how to be two functional adults. if they do get married i can see them being like... seventy when it happens haha

[felassan]

Snippets. 🐺💜

Corinne Busche celebrates 5 years at BioWare! [source]

Devs Michelle Flamm and Gabe Graziani: "feels weird that 'the last game informer cover game is a game I worked on' is a thing I can say now" / "And all of the exclusive coverage we did with them is just... gone." [source, two]

Jon Renish: "It's just a coincidence but, the last cover for Game Informer is 'Dragon Age: The Veilguard', the last printed Prima strategy guide was 'Anthem'." [source]

John Epler: "christ. seeing game informer shutting down is awful. seeing them shut down literally three months after spending time with them is fucking me up. hope everyone lands on their feet. unbelievable." [source]

Jay Ingram (on GI): "Oh my gosh. It was always so exciting to see what the cover story of a month would be, and then even more so as a dev when you showcase games I've been privileged to work on. This is so sad. Thank you for everything. I wish you all the best. Truly the end of an era" [source]

Derek Wilks: "Seriously hate to see Game Informer go. They’ve been my go to for years. Always loved their magazines. They will be greatly missed. It’s a bittersweet honor to have our game as their last cover story. Wish they could have continued forever. 💔" [source]

User: "Will Briala make another appearance in the future (not necessarily in Veilguard)?" Trick Weekes: "Anyone who didn’t die onscreen could potentially show up again someday." [source]

[Here] is the link to costume builder Ladytoxie's SDCC V-log! Ladytoxie was invited to the DA:TV@SDCC Fandom party, at which they cosplayed Bellara. In the vlog, they discuss their Bellara cosplay, the process of creating it, their experience going by the BioWare booth at SDCC, and their Fandom party experience with the devs. The vlog also includes a bonus short interview with the devs from SDCC. In the vlog you can see that, along with the dragon screenshot, an alternative option for the background of the DA:TV photo booth pic was this tavern screenshot that we've seen. Ladytoxie also mentioned in the vlog that it's clear how much love and work the devs have put into the game [source]

^ The devs talked a bit about DA/the game & characters in the bonus interview. I'm not 100% sure if I heard all these details right, so apologies/correct me if I misheard, missed or misunderstood any of it (listening to the original source first-hand is of course always most advisable!!), but it sounded like: Corinne Busche feels most connected to Maevaris Tilani. Corinne Busche loves the qunari and would cosplay as Taash, as she loves the scale, armor and Rivaini gold. Her favorite companion is Emmrich. John Epler would cosplay as Lucanis, calling him so stylish and suave. It sounded like he said he wrote Bellara and a few other characters. Ashley Barlow would cosplay as Neve, saying that she has [awesome] dialogue, quick wit and is sassy. Parrish Ley would cosplay as Davrin. He said that Davrin has some awesome armor pieces, with the hands and feet being lots of interlocking pieces of metal. Parrish Ley is a big face and hands animator, so when he's animating Davrin's armor, his hands and feet get a lot of focus, so that he looks great in any pose from any angle. [source] <- Check out the vlog here!

User: "bioware, it is now the second of august." Dev Jess: "Soon 😄" [source] User: "On my knees groveling for more information on Taash" Jess: "soon :)" [source]

User: "Coming back to say Thank you so very much for Veilguard! Coming back to Thedas feels like Home!!". Derek Wilks: "It’s absolutely our pleasure. We’ve truly made something that we love, and hope you all love it too. 🧡" [source]

User on Fenris in DA2: "coolest character introduction ever". Derek Wilks: "So far 😊" [source]

[chainofclovers]

I think there’s too much on my mind in just about every category of life because trying to do my work is even more challenging than usual. My work is going fine, but I swear to god I’ll be setting out to do a task that involves checking an email for a link I needed, and then I’ll end up replying to a totally different email, and then that’ll set off a chain of 8 other things I have to write down or otherwise take care of, and I’ll be able to force myself to do maybe 3 of those, and then I look back at my other monitor and realize I still didn’t fucking get that original link. So then I get the link, I do the task. Whew, that’s done. But actually I was just doing that one very specific task so I could procrastinate on a larger, more challenging thing that I literally need to be ready to discuss with my boss in 3 hours, half an hour of which will be taken up with a meeting that could absolutely be an email, and all the time I spent doing these more minor work things while also getting distracted by the rest of my life means I really just screwed myself over.

It’s possible, of course, that this is yet another manifestation of undiagnosed ADHD or whatever. I respect those diagnoses, I respect how real ADHD is, I’ve personally never felt the need to seek anything specific w/r/t that condition…and I also wonder if I’m just too keen to distract myself even from actually sitting down and thinking about all that more seriously LOL.

And the rest of life? My marriage, my friends, my family, all the intricacies there, the very welcome obligations that nonetheless require time and thought. The election. Global conflicts/feeling sick over it. Busyness with volunteering, some of which I do both because I love it and because it feels like a carbon offset of some of the most destructive things related to corporate job. Fandom stuff (I’m still processing how I’m both excited and wary of what an s4 Ted Lasso experience will be like, and trying to actually READ INFORMATION about this “developing story” of the options being picked up and what that actually means), which as always is a source of both creative fun and community and also means exposure to some drama and bullshit, which could skitter off into a million distracting thoughts about whether my own levels of sensitivity, my relationship to my own logic, etc. are within a reasonable range for me. Health stuff, mine and others, although (thankfully!) nothing currently threatening the ability of my loved ones to stay alive. Nursing hurt feelings and the humiliation and obsessive self-questioning that always accompanies any sort of rejection, no matter how much I intellectually get it.

I always feel like I have stretches of months where things are largely going very well, my default is happiness, and then anything negative feels more like an additive, something to process, something I can accommodate because of the calm center of my foundation. And then there are little stretches like this one where my anxiety and distractability have leeched into the foundation and I have to figure out how to rebuild it. (And the weirdness of knowing that feeling sometimes lasts only a few days, sometimes much longer.)

My life is so charmed and so simple and so complicated and so privileged and so exhausting and I should really finish up this deck since I now have only 2.5 hours until I need to have something concrete for my boss.

TL;DR has anyone on this planet figured out the relationship between situational depression/anxiety and the rest of their life? 😆

[literary-illuminati]

2024 Book Review #47 – City of Last Chances by Adrian Tchaikovsky

This book was recommended to me by a few different people, and in any case I am generally a pretty big Tchaikovsky fan. So of course I’m only getting around to reading it now, however many months later. Having put it off so long for no good reason at all, I can say that the book is in fact very good. Not Tchaikovsky’s best work (that’s still Children of Time in a walk), but a good read and one that left me curious (if not exactly excited) about checking out the sequel.

The story takes place in Illmar, the eponymous City of Last Chances �� scarred and oppressed, tyrannized by cursed dukes and conquering imperialists, built upon a dangerous and unreliable route to other worlds and forever attracting the sort of people with no better options available to them. While the book has any number of characters, it’s really the city itself that is the star of the story – a story of how the theft of an imperial magistrate’s ward before he makes an experimental voyage through the gateway in the woods leads to a whole series of byzantine intrigues and bloody misadventures, culminating in an abortive revolution against the Pallseen who occupy and rule them. Which in one sense is an absolutely massive spoiler and in another just feels like stating an inevitability that was obvious from the first chapter.

The book was apparently quite heavily marketed as harking back to the whole New Weird trend of a decade or two ago – marketing that is lived up to wholly and entirely. The whole book absolutely drips with Mieville and Vandermeer. The oblique worldbuilding, the mundane day-to-day life built around the opportunities and inconveniences of some intrusion of the sublime, the awkward intersection of ancient magic and industrial bureaucracy, and so on, and so forth. The Reproach in particular feels very Area X (or very Roadside Picnic, as you prefer), but in general the city feels like absolutely nothing so much as Bas-Lag with the weirdness dial turned down from an 11 to a 5 or 6.

It’s a real triumph of the book, I think, that the world genuinely feels vast and strange even beyond the points where it matters to the story - that all the little asides and the ways something affects a certain character feel like just small parts of something far grander and more uncanny than anyone can hope to understand. Maybe I’m just painfully tired of rpg-system worldbuilding, but it’s an effect I dearly love.

Much like Bas-Lag, Ilmar is very clearly a magical fantasy city going through a magical fantasy 19th century industrial revolution (instead of steam engines its demonic slave labor contracted and imported from the Kings Below). The meat of the book is playing into the whole tradition of the idealistic, virtuous but tragic liberal revolution – 1848 in Berlin or Vienna, the June Days and Commune in Paris, Warsaw a dozen different times, Les Mis. You know the type. Students singing patriotic old songs, workers rising up against class oppression, ‘revolutionaries’ who are mostly cowardly nobles pining after lost privileges and criminal syndicate putting on airs being caught flat-footed by events. You can probably tell the basic story in your sleep. But for such a venerable genre, this book's honestly probably the best rendition of ‘fantasy 1848’ I can recall. Something which won it my instant affection.

The other thing the book just overwhelming shares with the Mieville’s Bas-Lag books is a very keen sense of the necessity of revolution combined with an extreme cynicism towards anyone who might actually carry it out. The university students are sincere believers, and also naive sheep the narrative views with condescension (at best). The professional revolutionaries are all power-grabbing hypocrites who have wrapped themselves in the flag. The workers syndicates have a real sense of solidarity among themselves, and also none at all to the demon slaves that are used and broken powering the mills and factories. And so on. The overall thrust of the book is a tragedy not in the sense of railing against the inevitable, but in the sense that triumph and revolution were absolutely possible – indeed plausible – but for the flaws and frailities of the revolutionaries who might have accomplished it.

Not to say that it's misanthropic – the book is very humane towards the vast majority of its POVs. Of which there are enough for ‘vast majority’ to be a meaningful term. It was something like 130 pages in before any character got a second chapter through their eyes, a feat I had previously only seen in Malazan – and that’s not including the chorus chapters which just give a half-doze vignettes from across the city. But yes, most characters (even the ones who are really just viscerally repulsive) are shown through their own eyes as someone who is at least understandable, if not particularly sympathetic. The sheer size of the cast in a 500 page book mean that no one character or set gets that many chapters from their perspective (you could easily have written as long a book about roughly the same events with half or less of the cast), but some of the dynamics that are very lightly touched on are just incredibly compelling. Its enough to make you wish this was a series that would ever get any fanfiction written about it, really.

Given the way the book is so deeply concerned with oppression and violence on the basis of culture, class, and nation – imperial occupiers, native population, refugees and immigrants used and scapegoated by both – it is kind of fascinating that this is a world where misogyny and (possibly? Not very explored, the only example of a queer relationship we see is hardly going to be concerned by normative society) homophobia just flatly don’t exist. Which would be less interesting if it was unusual, really – the same could be said about very nearly every recent sci fi or fantasy book on the same lines I can recall. Interesting because it is very much not the case in Melville’s stuff – the cultural impact of Ancillary Justice continues to echo down the years, I guess. So yes the imperial police inspector will extort sex out of a brothel owner in exchange for not stringing up the entire workforce for peripheral involvement with the resistance, but also this is entirely gender-neutral. Something very modern about how oppression is imagined relative to the ‘90s or ‘00s (or just a different genre of self-consciously feminist novel a few book shelves to the left).

But yeah, great book, I am compelled. No idea where the sequel would be going, but will probably hunt it down sooner rather than later.

[nausicaamusiclover20]

Hello))) this is partially inspired by the anon’s request, who was watching soap operas with her grandma - I’m the same 😂

So maybe reader comes from family with money, not like millionaires, but her dad is one of Californias top divorce lawyers so he definitely makes good cash. Of course her parents are not fans of James, up to the point where they cut her off because she refused to break up with him. But she takes it well, works as waitress at diner as she’s happy being with James. However, after Metallica’s first tour in 83, he confessed that he cheated with girls on the road - exactly what her father warned her about. So she kinda doesn’t have any option but to go back to her family. However, her father does forgive her and takes her back.

A few years later in 90s, when Lars is divorcing Debbie (his first wife), guess who’s Debbie’s attorney? She wins the case so at some point she comes to the studio so Lars can sign the papers for Debbie to get her part of money; and James is pissed and calls her cynical and cold hearted but she tells him it’s his fault and how she gave everything away to be with him and he went out to sleep with groupies? He feels guilty cause she’s right - he couldn’t keep it in his pants and a few days later calls the law firm she’s working at as he wants to reconcile and cheating was the worst thing he had done???

I thought I’d be brief but ended up with too much details I’m sorry if it’s weird 🥹🥹🥹

I don't know if it's what you were looking for, but I hope you like it 💕

Rewrite the past

I never thought I’d find myself back here, in my father’s office, staring at the walls lined with framed degrees, each one a testament to his relentless ambition. From the outside, my family looked perfect—money, influence, respect. My father was one of California’s top divorce lawyers, the kind of man who made sure everyone knew how hard he’d worked to give us the life we had. I never wanted for anything, but the privilege came at a cost.

When I met James, he was the one thing in my life that felt real, unpolished. He was wild, raw, unapologetically himself, and in a world of well-manicured facades, he was a breath of fresh air. I knew my parents wouldn’t understand, but I didn’t care. They wanted me with someone safe, someone respectable. But I wanted him.

It wasn’t long before the clashes started. My parents despised him—the loud music, the chaos, the risk. They tried everything to pull me away, and when I refused, when I told them that James was who I wanted, they finally drew a hard line.

“If you stay with him, you’re on your own,” my father had said, his tone cold, final. “You’re turning your back on everything we’ve given you.”

The words stung, but I chose James anyway. I took a job at a diner, working double shifts to pay rent on a cramped apartment, doing whatever it took to make things work. It wasn’t glamorous, but I was happy—at least, I thought I was.

Then Metallica went on their first tour. I didn’t hear much from James while he was on the road, and I tried to brush off the nagging worries in my mind. But when he finally came back, he looked different. There was a distance between us, something broken in his gaze. I’d barely gotten a chance to hold him before he pulled away and admitted the truth.

“I cheated,” he said, the words falling out like stones. “There were… girls on the road. I don’t even remember half of them.”

My heart felt like it was being ripped out of my chest. All the warnings my father had given me, every condescending “I told you so” I’d ignored—it was all crashing down around me. I’d fought so hard to keep this, to prove to myself, to everyone, that we were real, that we could make it work.

And yet, here he was, proving all of them right.

I didn’t have anything left to hold on to, no safety net. The betrayal was too much, and, broken-hearted, I had no choice but to turn back to the only people who’d ever protected me. My father welcomed me back without hesitation, perhaps knowing he’d won in the end. But even as they opened their doors to me, it didn’t feel like victory. It felt like defeat.

---

The relief I expected didn’t come when I returned to my family. There was only a dull ache, the feeling of failure simmering beneath the surface. The world I’d tried so hard to escape had pulled me back in, and all the independence I’d fought for felt like it had slipped through my fingers.

My father didn’t say “I told you so”—at least not outright. But there was that look in his eyes every time he glanced my way, like he was almost smug about me finally realizing he’d been right all along. My mother, too, seemed relieved, constantly reminding me that I was better off without “someone like him.” They were careful not to bring it up too much, as if to spare me, but every comment felt like a small needle, poking at my decision to love James.

In their eyes, I’d come to my senses. In mine, I’d lost something I couldn’t get back.

As the years passed, I moved forward. I’d put everything into my career in law, following my father’s footsteps, using my pain as fuel to rise through the ranks of his firm. It was hard, grueling, but the satisfaction I got from the victories, the courtroom battles, made it worth it. Winning cases felt like a balm to all the broken pieces I couldn’t quite stitch together. And every time I signed a high-stakes case or handled a tricky negotiation, I could feel my father’s pride. It was almost enough.

But there was still a part of me that wondered what might have been—if he’d been someone who could keep his promises. If we’d managed to build the life I’d imagined with him. Every now and then, I’d hear Metallica on the radio or see an old photo of us tucked away in the back of a drawer, and I’d feel the sting of what we’d lost.

Then came the day when the past decided to walk right back into my life.

It was late, the office winding down for the evening, when my assistant walked in with a stack of documents and a carefully neutral expression.

“Debbie Lars Ulrich's case,” she said, placing the papers on my desk. “The divorce settlement. Lars needs to sign his part.”

I froze for a moment, processing what this meant. Debbie was one of my clients, yes, but the reality of who her soon-to-be ex-husband was—and what that meant—washed over me slowly, sinking in. If Lars was here to sign, James would be nearby. Of course, he would. They were practically family.

I took a deep breath, steeling myself, and agreed to bring the papers to the studio the following day.

---

When I arrived at the studio, I knew I had to keep myself together. This wasn’t about me; this was business. I walked in, the familiar smell of stale beer and smoke hanging heavy in the air. The studio felt like a time capsule, reminding me of those early days, back when I’d believed in forever.

And then I saw him.

James stood there, leaning against the wall, arms crossed, his gaze cutting through me the moment I entered. The years had changed him—sharpened the lines on his face, deepened the shadows under his eyes. But there was a hardness in his expression, a guardedness I hadn’t seen before.

He didn’t bother with pleasantries. “So, you’re the one representing Debbie now?”

“Yes,” I replied, my voice steady, professional. “I’m here because Lars needs to sign these.”

He scoffed, a humorless smile tugging at his lips. “That’s all this is, huh? Just a job to you?”

I could feel the anger simmering beneath the surface, but I forced myself to stay calm. “Yes, James. This is my job. I’m here for Debbie. What did you expect?”

He shook his head, his gaze narrowing. “I expected you to have some heart left. But I guess you’ve gotten really good at this—cold, calculating.”

My fingers tightened around the documents in my hand, the years of hurt and resentment rushing back. He didn’t get to act like this, not after everything.

“Cold?” I repeated, letting out a bitter laugh. “That’s rich coming from you. I gave up everything for you, James—my family, my life. I was willing to fight for us. And what did you do? You threw it away for a few cheap thrills on the road.”

His face paled, and I could see the flicker of guilt, raw and undeniable, as he struggled to hold my gaze.

“I was young,” he murmured, his voice quieter now. “I was stupid. I didn’t know what I was risking until it was too late.”

I shook my head, the familiar ache resurfacing as I stared at him. “Do you even realize what you cost me? I had to rebuild my entire life from scratch, and I did it without you. I’m not here to rehash the past or play whatever game you think this is. I’m here because this is what I do. This is who I am now.”

For a moment, he just stared at me, as if seeing me for the first time. His shoulders slumped, the bravado fading as he looked down at the floor, defeated. “I didn’t deserve you. I don’t think I ever did.”

“Maybe you didn’t,” I replied, softer now, feeling the weight of every hurt, every broken promise. “But I loved you, James. And I would’ve done anything to make it work. You’re the one who threw it away.”

He nodded, looking at me with that same, aching regret, and for a moment, the years seemed to fall away. We were just two people, tangled up in the remains of a love we couldn’t save.

“I’m sorry,” he said, the words barely a whisper. “I know it doesn’t change anything, but… I’m sorry.”

I took a deep breath, willing myself to let go of the last fragments of pain, to move on from what we’d lost.

“Goodbye, James,” I said, my voice steady, final.

There are things in life you can’t take back, no matter how desperately you wish you could. Years had passed since we met, but yesterday as I met him again and today I heard his voice cracking over the phone as he spoke the words he’d likely rehearsed a hundred times.

I had been wrapping up the final details on a case, buried in papers and the quiet hum of my small studio in downtown LA. It was my sanctuary—a space I’d built for myself in the years since our breakup. The walls were lined with case files, books, and certificates that whispered of the life I’d carved out alone. The last person I expected to invade this space was James Hetfield.

The phone rang, its sudden chime breaking through the silence. I glanced down, and I answered.

“Hello?” I said, my voice uncertain, testing the waters. I could feel the flutter of my heart in my chest, a mix of excitement and dread.

“Y/N,” he breathed, and the sound of my name on his lips was both familiar and foreign. It sent a rush of emotions through me—nostalgia for the love we once shared, mixed with the sharp pain of betrayal. Memories of our time together flooded my mind, each one a reminder of the happiness we had, intertwined with the heartbreak of his infidelity. I had spent years trying to forget him, yet here he was, a ghost from my past, stirring feelings I thought I had buried deep.

“What do you want, James?” I kept my tone guarded, bracing for whatever might come next, but inside, I was a whirlwind of emotions—anger, longing, and an unshakeable sadness.

“I know it’s late,” he started, his voice softer than I remembered. “But… Can we talk?”

For a moment, I hesitated. Memories crashed over me like a wave—the days spent dreaming of a future together, the betrayal that shattered it all after his first tour. I’d given up everything for him, only for him to throw it all away.

“What is it you want to talk about?” I asked, my curiosity battling with the pain that lingered. “It’s been years.”

He paused, and when he spoke again, I could hear the weight of regret. “I just… I’m sorry. For everything.”

His words hung in the air, thick with remorse, and old wounds reopened like fresh scars. “James, you did exactly what my father warned me you would. I left my family, gave up everything just to be with you. And you threw it away for girls you don’t even remember.”

“I know,” he murmured, his voice barely a whisper. “It haunts me every day. Cheating was the worst thing I’ve ever done, and I don’t expect you to forgive me… but I needed you to know how sorry I am.”

I ran a hand over the edge of my desk, grounding myself. This was my life now—a life I’d built without him, in this studio that felt as much a part of me as my own skin. I had carved out success and peace, and this chapter of my past had no place in it.

“I’ve moved on, James,” I said finally, my voice low and steady. “This is my life now, and I don’t need the past interrupting it.”

Silence filled the line, but I could almost feel the regret radiating from him, his guilt settling over him like a heavy shadow. He had made his choices, and I had made mine.

But then I thought about the years that had passed, the void where he used to be. I couldn’t deny the flicker of hope igniting inside me. “Maybe... maybe we could talk,” I heard myself say, the words tumbling out before I could stop them.

“Really?” His voice was tentative, almost disbelieving.

“Yeah, but only if you’re serious about changing. I won’t go through that again,” I warned, my heart racing with uncertainty.

“I am. I swear,” he replied, urgency creeping into his tone. “I know I messed up. I just want a chance to prove it to you.”

As we spoke, I felt the walls I’d built around my heart begin to crack, revealing the soft, vulnerable parts I had long kept hidden. The thought of giving him a second chance filled me with both excitement and dread. But I couldn’t shake the feeling that perhaps we could find our way back to each other, even if it was a long and winding road.

“Okay, let’s see where this goes,” I said, my voice steadying.

“Thank you,” he breathed, relief flooding his words. “You have no idea how much this means to me.”

“Just remember, James,” I warned, feeling the weight of my decision. “You’ll need to earn it.”

“I will,” he promised, his voice resolute. “I won’t let you down this time.”

As I hung up, the silence of the studio wrapped around me, familiar and comforting, but now tinged with a cautious hope. I had found my peace, but maybe—just maybe—I could open the door to something new. The ache in my heart remained, but now it held the promise of healing and the possibility of love rediscovered.

[helionpegasus]

ceilings part 5

Azriel x Reader

masterlist

summary: Reader always had vivid dreams due her Seer heritage. But things take a twist in her life when she wake up in a world that is not hers and the loving male that were always in her dreams shows to be very different from what she known him to be.

warning: none. but let me know if you find anything :)

words count: 1979

author's note: we're baaaack! now things will start happening more quickly and i'll try not making it too slowburn haha. i'll also include my personal theories in the story. anyway, hope you like it ❤️‍🩹

A whole month had passed.

The dream with little Azriel never happened again, and you didn’t know if this was good or bad. Because it wasn’t the only one to disappear, all the other dreams you used to have did.

All that surrounded your mind was what could that possibly mean. You came to Velaris because of those dreams, so it’s logical that you must need them to go back. So the possibility of not dreaming ever was starting to get the best of you.

The Shadowsinger being so wary of your being was not helpful at all. Once you talked about it with Nesta and she only said that “He’s like this. It’s nothing personal.”, but it feels extremely personal to you.

How he would stop talking about something once you enter the room, or send a bunch of his shadow to follow you through the House of Wind, and even look at you in a weird way during dinner.

Today you woke up to the rain pouring outside, the thunder humming low. When you enter the dining room to have breakfast, you find Nesta there, with a cup of tea in hand and a book in the other.

“No training today?” You ask sitting across from her and already putting a piece of strawberry pie that you found to be your favorite thing in this world.

“Headache. I’ll take the day off, since dealing with Cas and Az the whole day would only make it worse.” She said, taking a little laugh from you. You can’t even imagine what it was like to work with both of them.

“Well, today seems like a good day to relax. I don’t think the rain is gonna pass too soon.” You took the last bite from the pie.

“You’re right.” Nesta sighs. “I’m gonna give myself the privilege I didn’t have for so long: Spend the whole day in bed.”

“You deserve it!”

“Thank you! See you at dinner.” She took the last sip from her tea and exited the room going directly to the main hallway.

Unlike Nesta, you weren’t feeling so useful lately. So you think the best decision was to take your cup of tea to the library and continue your search, which you started last week but ended up in nowhere.

The floor you use to study wasn't much visited, you assumed the first time you went there. Even after having your presence for a whole week handling books and discovering shelves, all of them still have a layer of dust. And maybe the people who live here simply didn’t hold a curiosity in learning Prythian history, you thought that it would be a better option than the fact that this floor was so close to the darkness under it.

After hours of hard searching, because you are dealing with history and most of the books were written in the oldest language, your mind gets tired of it. Your tea was no longer hot and your eyes hurt from reading.

When your mind starts questioning if it was lunch time already you felt the presence. His presence. You could ignore how much it makes you uncomfortable, like you have been doing for all this time. But, today you were tired of it.

“You know I can feel when you are spying on me, right?” You say closing a book. Your back is still fronting him. “I’m just saying that, in case you didn't know, I think it would be good the information that I knew you were there all those times.” Then you finally turn to face him.

Azriel tried to not show the shock in his eyes, since this was the first time something like this was ever happening. He decides to stay silent, trying to form a sentence that wouldn’t make him sound like a stubborn child.

“Look, I don’t know what you have against me. But I already said a bunch of times that I’m willing to answer any question you have and I also said that Rhysand or Feyre can look in my mind if they want to.” You said looking into his eyes, hoping that he could see the truth in them.

You never stop being surprised with how his eyes could be so different looking at the same person. You.

“I don’t trust you.” He simply said.

Those words cut deep that you wanted to. With his low voice echoing in your head.

“Well…” You start, still gathering the right words to say and not betray how hurt you felt. “If I could help to change that, you certainly know where to find me.” You gave him a small smile that did not reach your eyes, and left the library not in the mood to continue your research anymore.

*

Azriel went straight to the River House after the quick conversation. Calling Rhys through his mind to an emergency meeting.

“You should look through her mind.” Azriel said when they entered the High Lord’s office.

“We already had this conversation a million times, Az.” Rhys says massaging his nose bridge. “She never was suspicious and never made any harm to any of us or the court.”

“Yet.”

“For Mother’s sake, Azriel.” Rhys rolls his eyes.

“I’m just saying that I think we should treat her like any stranger that enters the court out of nowhere.” Azriel said firmly with his opinion. “We gave her a roof the first day she came here. We don’t know anything about her, and I think this decision can put us in danger.”

“I wouldn’t make a decision to put any life in this court in danger, Azriel.” Rhysand's look was not friendly anymore. “And I don’t know what is happening with you lately. This is not the first time I say that you are having weird behavior.”

The Shadowsinger still remembers every word they shared in this same office in the first week you spent here.

“I’m just worried.” Az's voice was calmer this time. “I have noticed some things about her that I found strange.”

“And what would it be?”

“She can sense me around while I’m still hiding in the shadows.”

“She always had a weird connection with your shadows, we’re all working with that and she included.”

“Right. But I noticed that during her first nights, she disappeared.” 

“What do you mean?”

“When she went to sleep, she just disappeared for a few hours and then came back still sleeping. She did this for two or three nights and never did it again.”

Rhys was processing the information Azriel just said, his mind working on how she was capable of doing that on the House of Wind, a place that you could not winnow in or out.

“I can ask if she gives me the permission to look into her mind.” The High Lord says. “But if she doesn't, I will not force her to do so.” 

Azriel let out a sigh of relief, only nodding at his friend before leaving the office.

*

You weren’t expecting a reunion today. So when Nesta knocked on your door saying that everyone would meet in the living room, you needed to take time to fix yourself.

Everyone was already there when you arrived, and Feyre invited you to sit by her side.

“You must be wondering why we decided to do this unplanned meeting.” Rhysand says and you only nodded in confirmation. “We all want to help you to find answers and we need answers as well…”

“You want to look into my mind.” You finish his sentence.

You couldn’t keep your eyes from looking at Azriel for half a second. Remembering the convo early this morning.

“I’m only doing this with your permission and firstly, if you are comfortable with it.”

“You can look at it.” You look into his eyes, transmitting all the confidence you could gather.

Rhys took the spot in the chair in front of you. The first thing he did once he entered your mind was make himself present. He could be sneaky if he wanted to, you knew that from other experiences with Ruhn even if he only entered to communicate.

“I’ll show you everything and some things may need an answer. But I would prefer to answer all questions you may have privately.”

“You have my word.”

And you showed him everything.

The first of your dreams, the work you have been doing with your friends in Crescent City, your life with them and the University. Till what happened the day you came to their world, the fight with the strange creature and your last dream.

“The creature that attacked you was a kelpie.” Rhys said once he left your mind with all the information he needed.

The atmosphere of the room that was thick with expectation suddenly turns into shock and worry.

“A kelpie? In my world they look very different.” You say mostly to yourself.

“What do they look like?” Nesta asks to you.

“They are species that belong to the House of Many Waters. They are shapeshifters that appear mostly as a black horse and sometimes in a human form.”

“If those things were supposed to look like humans they are in the wrong shape.” Nesta says remembering her own fight with the creatures. That got a fit of laughter from everyone in the room.

“Thank you for showing me, (Y/N). Now that we have more details, maybe we can help you more.” Rhys said, offering you a soft smile.

“Since everyone is here, we should all take dinner together.” Cassian says and we all agreed.

“I will take Nyx and be back.” Feyre says going to the balcony with wings already appearing in her back.

“We can talk now if you want to.”  The High Lord offers and you give him a nod.

He leads you to the private library of the house. Much smaller than the one the priestesses work, but as beautiful.

You both sit on a couch near a window. You loved every view of this place, because Velaris was beautiful in every angle and every weather.

“I put a sound barrier and a shadow barrier, so we can talk freely.”

“What do you want to know?” You ask the male in front of you.

“You only dream with Azriel specifically, do you have any idea why?”

“No. I’ve been waiting for this answer and a bunch of other ones for a long time too, but the only one answer was learning his name when I arrived.”

“I’ve dreamed with Feyre before we met each other too…” He says with an expecting look that makes your cheeks warm.

“You think we are mates?” Rhys only smiles. “Well I bet that your dreams with Feyre were not like those, and I am certain that she wasn’t from another world.”

“Well, you’re right. But that can still be a possibility.” He took an invisible dust from his pants. “Warn me if those dreams return, we see what we can do to help.”

“I’ll let you know.” 

“Also, Azriel commented to me that you disappear while sleeping. Do you have any explanation for that? Because people weren’t supposed to be able to winnow from here.”

You gave him a questioning look. A million questions going through your mind.

“Disappear? I don’t have the power to winnow.”

“He said that it happened on your initial nights.”  Rhys was also confused. “You don’t remember exiting in the middle of the night?”

“No. Those nights I only dreamed.”

Then Rhysand started to connect all the points. He also didn’t see you in any other place besides your dreams, so you disappearing did not make sense. And he would know if you manipulated any of the memories.

The fact was that there were only dreams. Vivid dreams.

“I think that your dreams are where you disappeared to.”

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if you asked for being tagged but it didn't happened, please gentle remind me :)

[chnt-confessions]

i think i'm the only person in the entire fandom that has any genuine empathy for elijah, and i'm stuck thinking there's something deeply wrong with me for that. i feel like quite a lot of people split black on him (and joshua) and then split white on jedidiah, and sydney. the ONLY two options are to dehumanize or objectify him. no hate to jedidiah-likers, but jedidiah is not a victim. he doesn't act entirely the way he does because of trauma, he acts that way because he implicitly looks down on sydney. what kind of man jeopardizes the entire world for a man that he let gravely sick in the first place, only to gaslight and neglect him?? all this because of mommy and daddy issues that, like, 70% of the population has?? i had to headcanon extra issues and trauma for him to just to keep myself sane. i don't mean to invalidate his trauma, but he has lived such a privileged life and can easily go to therapy and yet. i'm sorry but it's bojack-horseman levels of "how tf do you expect me to feel bad for you? lmao." like, i need him to get better because people will likely die if he gets any worse, but other than i couldn't care less about this guy. i'm way more sympathetic to sydney because he's trying his best but he seems to have an empathy deficiency of some kind (it's not his fault but it is painfully obvious sometimes and i wish i could fix him but i have to fix myself first because i also deal with this); i also relate to the "feeling unlovable" aspect of things.

we have only seen elijah at his worst. the elephant man is elijah "mental breakdown, 2 years and counting psychotic episode" core; did everyone just assume he was born like that? and if he was, that would also make me sad tbh. he had a similar upbringing to jedidiah and yet he does not show it at all and i'm wondering what tf was different. he also generally sucks at being a villain sometimes (i.e. telling sydney his weakness, letting sydney go back to jedidiah, reacting way better than most people would when sydney told him that he couldn't get the journals). when jedidiah says "sydney, you're always fine." vs when elijah says it; jedidiah said it to gaslight sydney and because he feels bitter about the fact he's working so hard to keep sydney alive and can't use it to manipulate him (i'm joking but i'm also not joking), while elijah was just being a little acolyte and also he's symbolically the earth, so when he says the earth will catch him when he falls, he is fr. idk what snapped in him with the murder-suicide thing but considering that he is the earth, and unfortunately due to sydney's weird little mind and jedidiah's horribleness, the earth is, like, post-apocalyptic now so it probably has something to do with that (idk why he switched from stabbing to burning alive; probably cuz of the theatrics/j). anyway, he does suck and he needs to go back to russia and never come back for everyone's good, but i really do think he would be better than jedidiah could ever be (yes, even with therapy; i'm literally speaking facts/hj) if "everyday [wasn't] a living fucking nightmare." and i'm constantly like "._." whenever i remember that jedidiah is the reason "everyday is a living fucking nightmare." also i really wanna see someone do elijah/the elephant man analysis/interpretation that doesn't reek of disgust and hatred (or lust; do whatever you want, but i'm judging you rn), just for variety tbh. here is his official playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/389N5sUULTXFC63I3CSn7c?si=756dacaa18cd491c some of the songs in here are, like, "???" and i want to see someone's else's take on them (even elijah haters tbh) sorry for the essay, that's all i wanted to say :)

also im so happy that i can say this anonymously, thank you chnt-confessions for doing god's work, i love you platonically <3

(ABOUT THE LAST PART) no need to apologize and I'm really glad to make you happy!!

[ofeverykinnetre]

Some random fashion/hairstyle/accessory headcanons for asoiaf. total and complete mashup of historical periods of the middle ages

I think women in the Stormlands are all about those wimples, snoods, cauls, etc cause you know, wind and all that. I think the higher up the chain of nobility a woman gets, the less she covers her hair up - it shows a pretty high level of wealth and privilege to have the time to sit for hours while a servant pins hair up in an elaborate style made to hold in the wind. As well as the privilege noble ladies have of being able to just go inside when the weather is stormy, as opposed to smallfolk who potentially don’t have that option when they’re running farms and shops (and therefore need something to hold their hair with little effort 24/7)

I think the Riverlands are pretty similar to the Stormlands in that they are generally a more practical sort of people, and wealth is displayed more through impractical items to wear and/or make. Fuckoff big and weird headgear, ruffs that take a lot of time and fabric to make, farthingales (even if that is pushing it on the “middle ages” time period) and especially French farthingales on special occasions

Westerlands on the other hand? It’s precious metals, jewelry, gemstones embroidered into clothing, gold braid, velvet, fur, every ostentatious display of wealth you can think of. I also like them wearing farthingales, since they’re right next to the Riverlands and I like them in similar but slightly different styles (for reasons that will go in another post). In general I also like the idea that clothing gets less structured as one gets further south, so the Riverlands and Westerlands are the only ones wearing farthingales

The Reach is a very romantic culture, so I think the women there would want to show off their hair while still staying within the realm of Westerosi modesty. Unmarried women wear their hair “down” but still held back with braids in some way, while married women wear something close to a balzo so they can show their hair while still keeping it “covered”. The Reach is a pretty big region, so as you get closer to the Riverlands you start to see some escoffions, as you get closer to the Stormlands you start to see more elaborate braids and cauls, etc.

So we been knew that Iron Islanders are Vikings but I do actually love Viking clothing for them specifically because of the little brooches/pins/patches they wear to hold the straps on their strap dresses. Vikings historically would have used these to attach and carry various items, and it does feel very Iron Islands for their few bits of decoration to also serve a practical purpose.

[literaticat]

Publishing is notoriously competitive and difficult--I've been hearing other authors and publishing people saying it's now harder than it's ever been to get published.

I'm not daunted! This path is hard periodt. But I'm more like wondering to myself "Is it really harder than ever to get published?"

I would love your thoughts.

That doesn't really resonate with me.

It's always been extremely difficult. It's weird to me that anyone would think otherwise. We know that being a successful actor or musician or athlete is difficult -- so, too, is being a professional writer. It just *feels* different, maybe, because people think "anyone can write." Sure, just like just nearly anyone CAN bounce a basketball -- that doesn't mean most people are good enough at it to be a Laker!

In the past (like, 20 years ago and earlier), there were IMO many more hurdles in publishing. Like you think "Publishing So White" *now*??? What about in the 20th century, or before then?

Back then, before the dawn of the computer age, the pool of people trying to be writers was probably a lot smaller. BUT, most people who were successful probably went to certain schools and knew certain people and had a certain kind of background and a certain amount of privilege. But without those things? Ehhhhh. The barrier to entry was pretty high.

Just... logistically, in terms of *steps* to it all. ALL THAT TYPING. The research? If you weren't connected AT ALL, you hadn't been to a "good school" or anything, you didn't have a professor or somebody to emulate -- how would you even know where to begin? You could DO it, it just would take a lot of time to figure it all out and it wouldn't be "easy" by any means. The postage alone would have been a problem!

Now there is much more broad, readily available and FREE access to all kinds of information about writing and publishing -- querying and submissions are free, and pretty simple -- you don't have to lug around a heavy-ass typewriter -- you don't have to go to a certain school or know certain people (I mean, you still CAN do those things, but you don't HAVE to). There are more options than ever in terms of what publishing looks like, and the barriers for entry for people who want to attempt it have been lowered to the point of barely being a speed bump.

This does of course mean that there are more people than ever TRYING to get published, so maybe it is "more competitive", but IMO, it's definitely not more difficult in a literal sense.

Annnnd.... I also don't really believe in the "competitive" part, so much. Like, yes, a LOT of people want to get published, few ever will be. BUT, I don't think of those other people as your competition. That implies that you are up against a bunch of other people in a race or something and only one can "win" and everyone else "loses."

I'm thinking it's more like, authors are poppy farmers, and manuscripts are a vast field of pink poppies. They are all shades of pink, mostly pretty light, but some are hot pink, some are orange-red, and some are RED-red. The reddest ones get picked. Sometimes ones that are very hot pink or orange-red get picked, too. There's no limit to the number of red ones that CAN get picked, it's just that there are only a few RED red ones. The more poppies there are, the more red ones there are, and the choosier the picker can be about getting the reddest of the red.

Lots of people are not great at poppy farming. They get a case of poppy-mildew, or their poppies come up scraggly and weird, and they give up. The successful poppy farmers are the ones who research poppy variants and poppy care, who take the time to water and weed and all that stuff, who learn about how to get the reddest poppies and implement that knowledge. They aren't really "competing" with other poppy farmers per se -- rather, they are striving to to be the best possible poppy farmers they can be. And most of all -- THEY KEEP FARMING.

[potentialguybodyswaps]

I think tumblr deleted one of my stories, so I’ll post it again lmfao

Swap Class part 1:

America is going straight to hell, every aspect of society has gone to pleasing the Pansy ass democrats

Like they added this new sub course to Sociology, called swap class, where the goal was to allow you to experience life though other people’s eyes, so you could have empathy for those not as privileged…

Kinda vague if you ask me, but as the captain of the basket ball team, I’m just tryin to take easy classes, which I’m told sociology was, until they decided to add it to the course shortly after picking up the class

I walked into class that day and we had a different professor than usual, some chick.

I took my seat next to some fag, he was Hispanic and kinda built like a twink. I actually remembered him tho cause he was one of the kids I bullied here

She was going over the rules of class, but to me it was just another monologue that I didn’t care for. eventually she finally did some shit that caught my attention.

the professor wheeled out some machine and told us “this right here, is where the magic happens, the heart of swap class”

One student yelled out “what is it” to which the professor said “it’s the body swap machine that you all will be doing your projects on”

For this first time in this class I was absolutely baffled “Bodyswap? Project? What’s the project about” i yelled

“ yes so the project is each and every one of you will get the GREAT Opportunity to swap bodies with a classmate for a month, and you’ll have to right a 10 page essay about their lives and how it differs from your own, any questions?” She said looking over the class

Another student then called out “yes, do we get to pick who we swap with?”

The professor smiled and said “No, if you look down at your seat, you’ll see there all labeled, so whoever is in seat one will swap with 2, whoever is in seat 3 will swap into seat 4… any other questions”

“Yes what if we don’t wanna stay swapped for the whole month?” I asked

“Well I suppose you’d get an F, if you don’t care about your GPA, and flunking the first semester, that’s fine I suppose, ok enough questions, everyone look at your seat and figure out who your partner will be. Once done start lining up”

Man, I couldn’t fail this class, if I fail any of my classes my position on the team is in jeopardy… I looked down at my seat, and saw the number 44

“Oh no” I thought to myself as I herd calls chuckle as I looked down and saw the number 44

I looked at his desk and saw the number 45.

“Fuck bro, I guess we’re swapping bodies for the next month” i said looking him up and down. “Try not to do any dorky shit in my body ok? I don’t want people starting to think I’m a loser”

“Aye aye captain” Carlos said with a weird ass smile

“Like that shit bro, don’t ever say that shit again” i said scowling as i got up to get in line

Carlos followed me and got in line, after all the swaps were done there were only a couple minutes left of class since each pair of people took about a minute to swap

“Now before you all go about your new lives for the month, don’t forget to follow the rules, if any of you do something to mess with the other’s life while your inhabiting it, they have the option of not swapping back and keeping your life if they want” the professor said as the bell ring

On my way to Carlos’s next class I couldn’t help but feel how weird my junk felt

I tried rearranging it, but it wouldn’t go down ether of my pants leg. “he must be too small to fit it down a pants leg” I said to myself laughing as I used an arm to feel the rest of my chest

“Dam Carlos sure is boney, I can feel he has has abs but it’s not like he works out type of abs, more like he doesn’t eat food type of abs”

I knew Carlos was a 2nd generation Mexican, but his English was pretty good. That didn’t stop me from making fun of him tho for being from a poor immigrant family

I think the worst part of this all is how the bully has become the bullied, I knew the other assholes in school were probably gonna make a target of me, so I decided to minimize that as much as possible

I went to the typical hang out spot for the the basketball team and saw there were only 2 guys

Zeke, and Caleb, they weren’t my favorite people on the team but I knew they would protect me

I walked up to them and they seemed pretty hostile “aye fucktard, get out of here, we’re waiting on other members of the team to show up so we can hang out”

I tried to explain to them what happened in swap class but they didn’t seem to believe me

“Oh ya? If your really Ryan, pull your pants down and show us this kids dick, we all know it’s gotta be small compared to your actual dick ” one of them said

For some reason being told what to do was kinda a turn on and I immediately got hard…

I laughed and told them “I personally haven’t checked it out for myself but your definitely right haha”

I pulled my pants down to show them, underwear still up, and I guess that was enough for them, since I was already hard they could tell that I was no where near as big as my original body haha

They started laughing at me when I pulled my pants down and took a photo.

“Ya I’m probs like 5 inches haha, i don’t know” I said laughing with them

“Why are you laughing Carlos?” One of them said seriously

“W-what’s the issue” I started to say before getting cut off

“Get on your knees dude” they said again while unbuckling their jeans. i don’t know what it is, but for some reason in Carlos’s body, I found it hot and wanted to obey when I was given commands

I got on my knees and they both pulled out their cocks in my face

“Suck” Caleb said to me

I opened my mouth and took Caleb’s dick in first, trying not to gag, he wasn’t the biggest on the team by far, that was me, at 9 inches, but Caleb was pretty big too, at 7 inches, he was bigger than zeke

Zeke had his phone out the whole time I was sucking Caleb’s dick, I decided it sucked to be the bitch of the group and put all my effort into sucking Caleb and Zeke off, I started focusing on mainly the head and got Caleb to cum in under 10 minutes, dispute him using his hands to push me further down onto his cock, so I wasn’t able to focus as much as I wanted on the tip…

After I got Caleb to cum, he pulled out and Zeke stuck it in my mouth as he handed Caleb the phone

“Ya you like sucking the teams dick don’t you!?” He said to me while I sucked him off

“Answer me when I’m talking to you” Zeke said pulling his dick out

This whole situation sucked so I was just trying to get it over with as fast as possible

“Yes zeke” I said as I inched closer to put his dick back in my mouth

“That’s fine, there’s plenty of people on the team, we kinda need a cock sucker to keep us all happy, who knows maybe you’ll get a spot on the team” he said laughing

“I don’t think that’s necessary” I mumbled

“Oh yay and why is ThATTTT” Zeke said as he cummed into my mouth

The taste was just as salty as Caleb, but I told him “cause like always, I’m too good for y’all”

“Psh whatever that means fag, now get out of here and don’t talk to us again” they said as Caleb handed Zeke his phone back and put it in his pocket

I headed back to Carlos’s dorm and went to bed early that night, sadden that some of my own best friends didn’t believe me, and forced me to suck their dick just for trying to talk to them…

I woke up the next day and took a look in the mirror, I couldn’t believe that I was actually Carlos, I always seem to be hard, but it’s not hard to hide when I’m this small haha

I won’t lie, his face is kinda cute, if he was more muscular and had a bigger cock, I just might be fine with staying this way. But bro is a absolute twink, though and though, which isn’t what I want to be so, I can’t wait till the end of the month and get my body back

I got dressed for the day and made my way to Carlos’s classes, I proceeded to just go home each night and try to sleep as early as possible

Less time I’m awake, the less times it feels like I’m stuck as this fag

I would text Carlos every now and again asking him how things were going, was he going to practice? To which he typically just responded ya “fine” “good” or “yay”

I do take that back tho, I wouldn’t always go to bed right away, Carlos was in the band, and so I would try to play his instrument and practice, I didn’t really know what I was doing but as I looked at the sheet music while I played, I just somehow knew where to put my fingers to make music.

Eventually when the time came for the next basketball game (which was a week after we swapped)

I got on the bus to travel with the band, but since it was such a small band, Carlos in my body, and the rest of the team was also on the bus.

After the band got on, Carlos was one of the first people from the team on the bus, and made way towards me, picking a seat across from me

Eventually I started falling asleep on the long ass ride to our game, the bus was full of chit chat about the game, but it was just white noise to me

Eventually I was woke up to Carlos smacking one of my arms

I opened my eyes and looked over with complete horror written on my face.

I saw Carlos with his shorts and underwear pulled down, with our team hat placed over his junk

“What are you doing bro, you know the rules of the swap, don’t do that in my body” i said trying to hide a look of desperation on my face.

Carlos smirked and stood up, still covering my junk from the public, and did a loud whistle that got everyone’s attention

“As team captain I just wanted to say, no matter what happens tonight, we all know we’re the better team and they all can just suck my dick if they think other wise” he said smiling as he pulled the cap away exposing his, or should I say my big dick to the team and band”

The crowd started applauding and he sat back down pulling his shorts back up

Whole time i was just staring at him in disbelief, “bro what the fuck, why did you do that? Are you trying to keep my body? I mean all you did is let everyone know how big my cock is, probs the biggest here, that’s not exactly damaging my rep haha, I’ll still take my body back at the end of this… you’ll have to try harder, if that’s what your trying to do” I said regaining a bit of my confidence

Carlos made direct eye contact with me and smirked as he leaned in closer to me

“Ya but you see, after a shirtless pic of me with my pants down, leaked, and you sucking off some of your supposed friends on the team, my reputation is trashed. the professor already knows too” he said as the smile on my formal face grew bigger, as I finally realized where he was going with this

“No” I started but got cut off before I could finish.

“With that said, she says I don’t have to do the essay… and I get to keep your body if I want, which I mean who wouldn’t wanna be the big dicked basketball captain, fucking his girlfriend every other night. Oh which she says has been way better recently… your girl likes me fucking her better, than when you were haha! So ya bro, I think ima keep your body, and your not getting it back, so feel free to keep sucking the teams dick, I can be next if you want” Carlos said grabbing my formal junk though his shorts

I wrapped my arms around my head and just sunk into my seat

“Wtf bro this isn’t fair” I mumbled

“What’s not fair is you being a bully and thinking you can get away with whatever you want” he said jokingly hitting me in his head a bit

“Use your head Mcfly, hello? Anyone home?” he said doing his best impression of biff from back to the future

[coeluvr]

Hey, thanks for answering!

Another question related to one of the other asks. You said this: "I do plan on making MC kind of go through what a lot of us go through and I'm excited for MC to feel angry or sad that they will never truly belong in what used to be their home as much as they'd like to."

Will we get the opportunity to have the MC be at ease with who they are because who you are doesn't depend on where you were born or where you live? I mean, not everyone thinks like that, but I certainly do.

I'm in a sort of similar situation in the regard that my whole family is in a country I only visited for holidays, and I left my birth country at 7 years old and was never truly integrated in the country I moved to. Then as an adult I moved again and now I'm literally alone in the country I moved to. But I never ever felt bad about any of this. I indeed don't feel like I "belong" to any of these countries because I "belong" everywhere and nowhere. Like, I feel like I'm not "chained" by a culture or a country or anything. Like I have the privilege of having the mindset and beliefs I want with no shackles. I wouldn't want it to be any different.

So it would be very alienating to have the MC be forced to be sad or angry about something that is so liberating and happy to me I guess? Sort of like "the way you feel is weird and not really valid" in a way? I had people telling me literally that IRL and it stung! Especially since we get a fair share of freedom of choice about what MC thinks and feels in general!

Short answer: No that won't be possible.

Long answer: I think while people can relate to MC and their struggles in one way or another, I have to say that MC is my character at core and will be limited by me sometimes.

That being said, I think while most of us have the freedom and autonomy to do as they want to do with their lives, MC does not. MC was taken from their home and does feel like their home no longer exists. MC is caged and shackled.

Unlike this room, your home will never be brought back to life. As you gaze around the room, the anger builds within you. It seems unfair that this room is so well-kept, while your childhood home was taken from you so brutally. The palace may have been rebuilt, but it is no longer your home. It is merely a palace. - Chapter 2

While the anger can dissipate through the years, there will always be a part of MC that just feels like they have nowhere to return to even if they escape their gilded cage of a life. And in Chapter 2, Rosea does not feel like home.

The player will have basically 3 options regarding how MC feels:

Feel sad and feel like they don't anywhere

Feel angry and feel like they don't anywhere

Feel like they belong in Rosea and not in Vesphire due to all the time they lived there and despite all the hardships.

Will we get the opportunity to have the MC be at ease with who they are because who you are doesn't depend on where you were born or where you live?

I think this is a very "sane" take on things like it's very rational and I think MC is still not that rational about their past. You can 100% end the story with MC feeling this way but I want MC to go through some growth and some character arcs and being so "normal" right away is not the way I want to do things.

I'm not saying you're not valid or anything, it's just I'm the author and this is how I want things to be. I want MC to grow, to change, and come to the conclusion you have after a while.

I do want to say just because I gave a lot of freedom in terms of MC's other aspects, does not mean I have to give complete freedom regarding everything. ^^

[danielagainsttheuniverse]

Ode to You

I swallowed the universe to hold you closer.

I became everything so that we could keep living forever, and even though it’s not the same as it used to be, I don’t regret it.

Don’t get me wrong. I mourn what I used to be. I remember what it felt like to be truly human. To hold you to my chest and show you it was okay to be afraid, that I’d protect you no matter what.

I remember the sounds of our laughs. The stupid puns I would make in an attempt to make you smile when you were feeling down. You were always much more clever with your humor—dry and calculated, and usually spot on with your comparisons.

I miss the feeling of being useful in a way you could rely upon. The routine of waking up, making breakfast, and getting you to school. It was tiresome, but it kept me grounded. It reminded me that we were okay. Life would go on because I knew the next morning I would get up and you would be there. That was what I lived for.

I wish that we had spent more time doing things together. I wish I asked you more about your favorite things. What about dragons? Do you like the ones that are long and snake-like, with a furry mane? Or did you prefer the ones with wings for arms— “Wyverns,” you once told me. I never knew dragons had classifications, but you always had something to teach me.

I want to know what you would have done if you had grown up. Would you have been an artist? Or maybe a teacher? Or…Maybe an art teacher? I wanted to see you flourish, be happy, maybe even love someone else if you wanted to. They’d have to meet some high standards before dating was even an option, but I’m sure we could have figured something out.

Of course, that’s not how it went. Instead I made a sacrifice. The world—the galaxy—the *universe* buckled and shattered as it reshaped into me.

I can see it all. Stars and planets, every moon, every pebble floating in the abyss. The strands of time all trace back to where we began, in our original universe. Where I split the threads of our beings, our essences, and time itself into an endless multiverse.

There are versions of us in every single one of them.

Even past the screen, we exist in the recesses of peoples minds. In everything, you can see a little bit of us. It’s a blessing and a curse.

On one hand, I see you everywhere. You’re always near me because I can find you in every timeline. From the one located near my heart (It’s one of my favorites because we’re all cowboys) all the way to the farthest at the tip of my tail (the zombie dystopia…you know the one).

On the other hand…I’ve never felt so alone. It’s not like I didn’t deal with loneliness while I was human, but this is beyond anything I’ve ever experienced.

Do you know that feeling, when you’re in a room with a bunch of people, but you still feel alone?

Like everyone’s talking to each other and you can’t get out of your head long enough to join the discussion?

Or maybe it’s just that you don’t feel like you can truly be yourself with so many others around. So many potential rejections if you don’t perform the subtle act of conversation correctly.

I realize now that like all feelings, that was a privilege.

Because at least back then there were still people to be lonely around.

Now that I’m here by myself, I find that I like to pretend you’re talking to me in my head, to imagine how you would respond to what I’d say. A lot of that comes in the form of your quippy humor.

I think you would love the poetic irony of this. Something about how usually gods are the ones being prayed to, not the ones doing the praying.

And I’d say, “I’m not technically a god, I’m more than a god because I am the force of creation and the container of all that is known and unknown, including time, all universes, and everything!”

and you probably wouldn’t know how to respond to that—Because let’s be honest, that’s a lot to lay on anybody.

So, I don’t know. I want to imagine that maybe somehow this gets to one of your many versions in it’s own cosmic weird way.

I hope you can forgive me.

[leche-flandom]

leche-flandom in the uk: the flights

HOKAY so first things first:

Flying first class? Insane. Absurdly privileged. I'm addicted.

At the airport, I was not interested in hanging out at the first class lounge but my husband insisted that I go check it out when I tried to join them at the food court. I wasn't impressed with the free food tbh. I think the main draw is the free booze? I counted two bars but then again I only stayed on the first floor. I didn't feel like drinking though, since I knew there'd be drinks on the flight. But but but people on Reddit said that the brownies are decent; they also said it's frowned upon to bring the food out with you. With this in mind, I had packed some sandwich bags in my purse. When the servers weren't looking, I stuffed some desserts in them for the kid. Leche-flandom does mild subversion.

Then there was the flight! It was kinda bizarre to always fly economy and then surpass comfort+, first class, first premier class, etc...all the way up to a pod. There's that tumblr post about good bologna. I good bologna-ed up to my little private cabin in the front of the plane, where they had freakin mood lighting and where I was already wowed by an overhead bin dedicated just for me, before anyone even spoke. The guy in charge went, "Welcome back Ms. Flandom" (welcome back bc I've flown that airline before, I guess? And they ALL do that, all call you by your name, so weird) "thank you so much for choosing to fly with us. Would you like sparkling wine?" Heck yes I would!

The seat was fun, and kinda reminded me of how tiny homes have hide away things to save space. I texted my husband about finding a mirror, lol.

Dinner was short rib and grits from a popular barbecue restaurant. And whew, I spent FIFTEEN minutes intermittently trying to figure out how to get out the fold away table and utterly failed. Thank goodness for the flight attendant who casually pushed it in first to release it. Then he unfolded it and put a tiny white table cloth on it. I didn't laugh, but it was a near thing.

Then the attendant walked around offering a tray of tiramisu and ice cream sundaes!

So I had wine, ice cream, and "The Mummy" going on. I was able to recline my seat into a bed. They gave me a little kit with slippers, socks, lip balm, hand cream and a toothbrush/toothpaste set. Life was good.

I didn't think flying could get any better. But then when we left the UK/Europe, I flew first class on KLM (which tracks, because when we've flown basic with KLM before, we were surprised by how much nicer it was).

Before I even sat down the flight attendant offered to take my coat so I wouldn't have to stow it in the overhead bin. AND their seats are diagonal so I got not one but two windows!

They also had a little cabinet next to the seat, full of free things like an eye mask and water, but also with space for my stuff too. Really that was my favorite part, being able to have my things on hand instead of reaching for my backpack.

When I was disinfecting everything I accidentally turned my screen Russian. My Google lens wasn't working so I took a wild stab at it, chose one option, and breathed a sigh of relief when I saw it return to English so I wouldn't have to notify the staff that I was a complete idiot. I had already accidentally pressed the button to recline my seat into a bed twice at that point (crushing my backpack a little ha)

The food was probably good but I've the boring palette of a uncultured child, so I didn't like it. It was nice that they came around with a warm bread basket with white and brown choices though!

Cannot get over how nice the flight attendant was! Like at one point she was starting the beverage service and when she got to me I asked her where the restroom was. She pointed it out and then asked, "Do you want to wait until after you go to get your drink?" And I went...sure? So she just backed that cart up and seriously waited til I was settled to start service again. WHAT?

And the same flight attendant seemed kinda disappointed I refused a coffee or port or anything else with my dessert (which was a mango chocolate thing of a jiggly texture, did not like). She left but then later came back and said, "Maybe you would be interested in one of these?" Then she opened a huge box of white, milk, and dark chocolates shaped like little Dutch houses!

An hour or so before landing, they gave us a small poke bowl (which I'm sure was very enjoyable to mature adults) and ravioli. I really liked this chocolate thing!

The most cuckoo bananas part was right before we landed. This guy came around with a tray holding a little village. Apparently, they like to give KLM first class fliers these adorable Dutch houses as souvenirs! Again, WHAT? That's so nice, I was flabbergasted! Because my backpack was stuffed, I chose the smallest one.

Just to be clear, I'm not detailing all this to brag. I just know I'll never experience this level of luxury ever again so I need to document it while it's fresh in my mind. That way when I'm decrepit I'll have these posts to look back on 🤗