#I have so many questions and they all make me sad

[darinawrites]

*ੈA prickle of blood is worth it*ੈ

Summary: you couldn't help feeling down for the day once you discovered your childhood plushie got destroyed. Imagine your surprise once you saw it sewed before your eyes (Dae ho sewing your plushie because he doesn't want you to be sad </3)

Content: fluff, tooth rooting even. Cuddles, pre game, Dae ho just being a sweetheart.

A/n: I love him so much, oh em gee. Anyway, sorry if this is a little rushed, the writers block syndrome got to me </3

Word count: 1.4k

You didn't want to overreact. It was simply a little plushie. One you carried around with pride as a child, showing off the cute little bows it had. One you cuddled with every night. One that comforted you with the silence with a sewed smile.

So, you couldn't help a small tear run down your cheek as you saw it all torn up today. Waking up to be met with the horrid sight of the cotton scattered all over the room. You didn't even question what happened as your mind wet foggy with sadness.

Holding up its torn up clothes, you were so disappointed. Completely forgetting the morning date you had as you mourned the loss of a childhood memory. It's only when the buzzing of your phone against your skin got you out of the trance did you realize what you had planned.

You tried to face the situation with faked equanimity, texting him that you're going to arriving a bit late. You felt really bad, truthfully, but it was forgotten with your somber mood. The excitement of meeting your beloved damped away.

You didn't want to ruin his mood too, so you dressed up as fast as you could before hurrying out of the door, hopefully not making him wait too long. Staring down at the displayed time as you hopped over to the small cafe.

And, as always, you were meet with the sweetest smile. Yet, you couldn't properly return one with the feelings you had, no matter how much you wanted to. You simply hoped he wouldn't notice your changed mood for now, sitting down to order.

But, you'd be stupid to think Dae ho wouldn't notice. The man who knows you like the palm of his hands, knowing every curve and beauty mark you have. Knowing more about you than himself. He notices when even a strand of hair is displaced.

He was never good at reading people, but you were a book amongst the crowds that he loved to read. Never getting bored of it, no matter how many times he flipped trough the pages. So, of course he'd notice if there was a grammar mistake.

He noticed your small frown, sorrow tinged with your voice. Not finishing the small cake slice nor the coffee, the giggles shrinking down. Even the forced happiness you tried to give to him, it made him have sadness underneath the smile he gave you.

Even as he took you to a small amusement park besides the cafe, brushing it off as a small annoyance that may have occurred to you, he still knew you were off. Not asking for cotton candy, no stars shining in your eyes as you stared at the sky from the ferris wheel.

And you noticed it yourself, how both of you were different today, but you hadn't bothered to tell him. Maybe if you just tried to cover it up, he wouldn't say anything. You already felt bad enough for ruining your little date together.

And, of course, your attempts were in vain. Immediately being ambushed with confrontation as you opened your door to the house.

"Hey..is everything alright? Today seemed a little off." you heard him ask as he placed his jacket on a hook, softly glaring at you with meticulous care to study your facial expressions.

You hesitated for a bit, unsure if you should tell him or not. You trust Dae ho with every fiber in your being, but it still seemed so childish for you to be so sorrowful over a little plushie.

"It's nothing, really. You don't need to worry." you hummed, but he wasn't satisfied. You could still see that glint in his eyes as he stared at you for a moment before answering.

"Nothing is childish if it bothers you. Tell me, please?" he pleaded, and you couldn't just say no. The guilt over the day catching up to you as you let the words flow out of your mouth.

"It's just that..my childhood plushie was destroyed this morning. I'm sorry, it shouldn't have affected me this badly." you hushed out, ashamed to feel this much emotion over a doll.

"Don't feel like that. It's normal," he paused for a moment, like he was arranging the thoughts in his head "I'll be back immediately, give me a moment." and with that, he suddenly hurried away and left you. His figure leaving to the bedroom as you were suddenly left alone with words hanging around the room.

Weird. He usually would like to stay to cuddle while you watched TV. Oh gosh, maybe he did find you childish? Was he mad? You didn't want that, only over a stupid toy.

You shook your head, trying to keep your thoughts straight. That's not the Dae ho you know, you shouldn't be overthinking now. Maybe making some popcorn and watching a movie would help.

Putting your stuff away as you went to the kitchen to make the essentials of a lonely movie night. Popcorn, sweets, cola, everything to get your blood sugar level trough the roof.

Sitting down on the soft cushion, yet a comforting presence wasn't beside you. A small glance at the door of your bedroom, where he was. You sighed, this was supposed to keep your mind distracted, not the opposite.

Your fingers pressed on the remote once you found a relatively interesting looking movie to watch. Setting your snacks neatly, you laid down with a blanket draped over you to make up for the missing warmth. Your eyes staring at the film as you tried to shift your focus to it.

Relief washed over you as the screen turned black, the boring film coming to an end. You were so drowsy, cuddled up beneath the cloak, eyes heavy as you tried to keep them open. But, you didn't want to fight it anymore. Letting the tiredness engulf you as you gave in to the desire.

But before you could float on clouds in your dream, a strong hand suddenly gripped your waist. Groggily opening your eyes as you could recognise those hands anywhere. Softly lifting your finger to graze over his veins as you hummed.

"You're finally back. Did I upset you? I didn't mean to, I promise." you mumbled out, voice hoarse with sleepiness as you pressed yourself up to be met with his chest.

"No, no! I'm sorry, I didn't want you to think that," a soft smile came back to your lips at those words "but I was doing this instead." and with those words he took out something behind him. Hesitating for a moment before bringing it out, showing it to your eyes.

And you couldn't help a small gasp, his hands nimbly held your doll. But this time it wasn't shriveled up, but it was poorly sewed together. The little smile it had now back as it stared up at you. Your eyes widened with shock as the sleepiness flew away.

He must have noticed your silence, worry now setting back in. "I-im sorry. Its not made that well, I promise to—" you quickly cut him off with a kiss, turning your head back to let him see your softened pupils and the red staining your cheeks.

Your hands went down to brush his hands, only to realize a bandaid intruded your sense, gliding your hands over it gently. It must've been recent, and your smile only got wider.

"I love it. Since when did you know how to sew?" your voice was soft, turning your body around to gently push both you flat on the couch. Pulling the blanket over both of you, nuzzling your head in his shoulders, like always.

"I don't. Saw my sisters do it a couple of times, tried to imitate it. Clearly didn't turn out so well." he laughed a bit, picking up his hand to stroke trough your hair. Vibrations of your own giggles heard as you muffled it in his neck.

You crooked your head a little to your side, soft hums coming out from his strokes as you gently stared down the doll.

It held so many memories, valuable ones. Ones you were afraid to wash away when you put it in the washing machine. A ripped up ear reminding you of a small incident and the ripped out eye of another. But the little line right between the chest, one that was so uneven and so messy. One made by him.

That. That was the most valuable.

[starredblood]

CHIHIRO

PART TWO

kang sae-byeok x fem!reader

synopsis: you start suspecting a deeper history with sae-byeok, who is letting you in so easily.

wc. 5.1k

warnings: reader gets bad migraine, bit of angst and fluff

(chihiro masterlist)

(summer, 2021)

You’re walking like you don’t want to be approached. Headphones on and sporting your darkest sunglasses—but it was all because you couldn’t stand being in the sun too long. That’s how the migraines start. You didn’t always have this problem and adjusting to a different lifestyle is harder than it looks.

You don’t want to think too much about it though. The impact one minuscule moment made to your life. But there was a brief time a month ago when the loss was all you thought about—it left you immobilized in your room even when you were fully able to step into the real world. But you were just too sad. You lost yourself…and you don’t know how many others lost you too.

That feeling brewing in your stomach is still there—the shifting of your world. You try avoiding anything that has to do with change to make sure your gut feeling is lying to you. So, you go to work, do your job (somewhat poorly) and go home, your home—that’s what you want your life to be forever now. Preferably alone.

But you already failed to fight back the change when you saw a small feline curled up by the edge of the sidewalk.

You gasp seeing the fragile state of the black kitten, who was trembling profusely and was barely able to open its eyes. Removing your sunglasses to take a better look at the cat, you then glance around to see if it belonged to any passerby’s but no one paid attention to the stray. You frown, thinking that maybe you’re hallucinating this cat that’s crying for help in the sea of pacing legs.

When you bend down and gently pat the cats small back, it flinched horribly making your heart clench. At least the kitten was real, and you’re too afraid to leave it here alone. Someone could trample it.

“Poor thing.” you coo to the kitten and it weakly mewls back. When it gets used to your touch, you scoop the cat in your hands. “Are you lost?”

You exhale through your nose. Your mom never liked cats and would always disapprove the idea of adopting one ever since you were a child. Good thing you moved back into your apartment and can do whatever you please. But can you really take care of another living being in your state?

The kitten, which you find out is a girl, begins to doze off in your warm palms. This has to be a sign for you to keep her. You rub her tiny back with your thumb and decide to take her home.

It was a good thing that you weren’t far from your apartment. The plan is to take her home, scurry to the nearest pet store and tomorrow you will take her to the vet. This change is good, you try to tell yourself as you keep on trudging.

One change you didn’t particularly favor was Cheol’s sister who is apparently everywhere now. You didn’t think it was her, sitting on a bench only a block away from your apartment, but it’s her. The short unruly hair and cold eyes gave it away. What are the odds of finding her here?

And it’s like she too can feel your presence because she spots you trying to brush past her. But meeting her icy glare only gave you more courage to speak up.

You pause in your footsteps, turn back around and walk back to the girl sitting on the bench. “Why do I get the feeling that you’re stalking me?” you ask her, sounding aggravated.

“I was working nearby—don’t get your ego inflated.” she scoffs, then breaks eye contact to look at what you’re cradling. She blinks. “Is that a cat?”

“I found her by an alleyway.” you state apprehensively and continue to pet her.

“And you’re going to keep it?”

“Why not? I always wanted a cat.” you shrug. She presses her lips into a thin line and you use that as your cue to walk away from this conversation. But in the middle of spinning back around, a question pops into your head. “Hey, what’s your name by the way?”

Her expression is bleak and unreadable as usual, but you noticed the small gulp. “Sae-byeok.” she answers quietly.

You curtly nod and start backing away slowly. “Have a nice day, Sae-byeok.” you mutter back awkwardly and start walking faster before another interaction from her erupts. You can feel her stare on your back however.

Ever since you started talking to her, you feel like you see her everywhere. Your mind can’t catch a break from thinking of her. Especially not at work, that’s where you usually find her lingering around but today is a different day with a different challenge and she always seems to be part of the challenge.

A few days after adopting your new kitten, who’s still nameless, you feel a new sense of purpose in your life. You want to take living more seriously.

You sacrificed two hours of your life this quiet Monday morning to go to the library earlier than scheduled to fix the mistakes you’ve made the past couple of weeks. And you have a good feeling about this, your mind is more clear and sharp than before. You might not get paid for these hours of work but it’ll be worth it seeing the look on Dasom’s face when you prove her wrong. Prove everyone wrong.

In your notebook, you mapped out the layout of the library so you spend less time getting lost. After successfully placing every book away in their actual correct spots, you spend the last thirty minutes in the back office organizing and cataloging the library materials—which were completely disarray thanks to you. By the time you finish, it’s time for you to technically—officially be working.

When you clock in the break room, Dasom bursts in a couple of seconds after. When she sees you, her malevolent smirk appears. “Do you happen to be well acquainted with, Remy?” she asks in a mocking manner. You don’t answer her instead roll your eyes and avoid her gaze. “The library looks nice—I’m assuming you had to have a rat underneath your garments or something that helped you make this place finally look satisfactory. Because god knows you didn’t fix this place all by yourself.”

“You’re the exception to the rule, Dasom.” you sneer and try storming off but she had a tight grip on your shoulder blade.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” she queries.

You don’t say anything, knowing that she isn’t worth arguing with, and swat her hand off you. When you step out the break room, you hear her clearly muttering insults underneath her breath. You feel bad for her, truly—a once spoiled child isn’t getting what she wants and is taking out her frustrations onto you.

Once your other coworkers start trickling in, you saw less of the likes of Dasom. Most of your morning and afternoon was working on the library’s catalog, the most tedious part of being a librarian. And having to sit down for hours irks you and your poor back.

Now that summer break officially started, more kids began coming into the library to mingle rather than learn. You get it though, you were a kid once after all so you didn’t mind that they came in just to socialize. However, there’s always a handful that come by to get a head start for the next school year—you were once also that type of child. But you didn’t expect a particular kid to be the same.

You look away from your computer screen and become surprised when you see Cheol accompanied by his sister Sae-byeok. He has a thick book pressed on his chest and smiles shyly at you.

“Hi, Cheol.” you greet him casually.

“Hi, noona.” he says back.

“Can you help him?” Sae-byeok asks right after. You look at her and your face morphs into confusion.

You wanted to question her. Why—Why now? Was she not able to help him after all? But this wasn’t about her or you, so you put those thoughts and animosity towards Sae-byeok away and look down at Cheol.

“Of course.” you say, grinning at him. “What do you need help with?”

“It’s hard for me to read this book…”

And with that, you take him to his favorite spot in the library and help him read through the first few chapters of a book that’s clearly above his grade level. But you’re impressed he’s succeeding. It makes your heart full because this is what being a librarian means to you. However, it would’ve been nice if Sae-byeok wasn’t watching you guys like a hawk. But at some point she starts picking up her own book and starts reading.

Halfway through reading the third chapter, Cheol breaks into conversation. He starts rambling about his favorite book that every kid his age loves and he can rarely find it in the library.

“Can I show you my favorite book if I find it?” he suggests, but already rose from his seat so it’s not like you can decline. But why would you—it’s refreshing to see someone his age fall in love with the world of reading.

“Sure.” you say and watching him scurry off to the kids section across the library.

Now the only people in this table were you and Sae-byeok who was sitting across from you. When she sees that his brother left, she lowers the book covering half of her face and starts sending you fleeting glances. You avoiding them by staring down at your hands folded on top of the table.

“Thanks.” she says out of the blue.

You snap your head to look at her briefly. She is leaning against the table, tracing circles on the cover of her current read, Human Acts by Han Kang—an amazing book you might add.

Maybe you’re being too harsh on her. There’s a lot you can learn about a person by knowing what they like to read. And a book as profound as this gives Sae-byeok a whole new layer of depth that you didn’t expect. Now, you’re curious to know her thoughts on it. Instead, you just clear your throat when she spoke up.

“No problem.” you breathe, fiddling with the bookmark you picked up. “He’s a good kid.”

“He is.”

When you eye her again, you see her glaring at something past your shoulders. Out of curiosity you turn around to see what she’s looking so harshly at. It was Dasom, who was also staring back but looks away when she spots you. She disappears into one of the bookshelves.

You whirl your head back around and give the icy girl a tight lipped smile. “I don’t like her either.” you bluntly admit.

The corner of her lips start twitching, like she was fighting back the urge to smile. You start to wonder what’s taking Cheol so long, it’s like he’s purposefully trying to give you a hard time right now. This awkward pause was too much.

Sae-byeok sucks in a breath of air like she was purposefully trying to get your divided attention. She starts rubbing the nape of her neck, appearing to have a hard time making her mouth say words, “Are you um…free later?” she carefully asks.

When she says this you already know where this is heading. You aren’t sure why she’s suddenly trying with you, but it intrigues you. Her cold nature was unraveling.

“I am.” you say plainly.

“I figure that I owe you for helping Cheol…if you want we can go to the cafe we ran into each other maybe like later today…?”

“…Uh—“

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to.” she cuts you off, determined to avoid your eyes.

You didn’t expect her to be such a wildcard. The timidness seeping through her voice and her softening gaze made your curiosity peak.

“It’s the cafe that looks like a little fairy cottage, right?” you ask her and she nods. “That’s my favorite. I’ll go with you. I get off at three—I’ll meet you there.”

You were too focused on Cheol’s reappearing figure to see the glint of hope in her eyes.

“This is your favorite book?” you ask Cheol, who comes back out of breath but elated with the book he hands you.

After another hour went by, it was time for you to fulfill other duties you had to complete before your shift is over. But you take your time to walk with the two siblings out the library.

After wishing Cheol goodbye, it was now Sae-byeok’s turn. But you couldn’t find anything to say—not after what occurred before.

She stands in front of you, with her muscles tense, stiff shoulders, and hands shoved in the depths of her jean pockets. “Thanks again. I guess I’ll see you later.” she murmurs with a deadpan expression.

All you could do is nod to that, ignoring the queasiness that you felt in your stomach. You wait for them to reach the doorframes to turn around.

You bite back a smile when you overheard Cheol tell his sister as they were heading out, “You guys are seeing each other later?”

When three o’ clock came, you entered the break room with much eagerness than when you started this morning. But the excitement quickly vanished when you saw something of yours suspiciously on the floor. Upon further inspection, you saw that it was your sunglasses split in half—the ones you need to help with migraines. Someone was holding back laughter nearby and you knew who it was. You didn’t want to give Dasom the satisfaction.

Instead you hold in your anger and kick off the broke glasses to the side and grab your purse from your locker. You can feel her throwing daggers when you walk out.

You don’t rely on a map anymore to the cafe, you come here almost everyday now. The only thing you have to do is find Sae-byeok when you enter.

It was easy to spot her quiet and enigmatic figure. She sat by the window again, her hands propped up on the table with her hands folded. She had her hair styled into a short ponytail which she didn’t have earlier. Her once sharp eyes rounded when you stood by the door in a frigid posture. Something about her face feels more familiar day by day.

“What do you usually order?” she asks making you snap out of your thoughts.

You slowly pull up the chair across from her and sit down. “Uh—vanilla latte, iced.”

She nods and gets off her seat to go order. You observe her some more. Her guarded behavior is present to anyone she encounters but with you she speaks in a much softer tone. The way her arms are crossed and her eyebrows are knitted when she orders is a telltale sign to stay away from her.

Your mom told you that you didn’t meet anyone new the past year. And you believed it at first because you didn’t have the energy to go and search if she was telling you the truth. But maybe you want to try now. Unless Sae-byeok is just being nice this whole time and you’re just paranoid.

“Thanks.” you murmur when she passes you your coffee. Neither of you speak as you take sipping your drinks. You feel like there is a big elephant in the room. Your past animosity towards her is no longer present—it left the second she came to you asking if you can help her brother. “Hey, about the past— I’m sorry for lashing out on you…so many times.”

“It’s fine.” she shrugs after finishing taking sips of her cold brew.

“No, it’s not.” you state and frown when she doesn’t look up at you. So, you scoot your seat closer to lean on the table to make her. “I was too cowardly to defend myself against Dasom because her parents donate to the library. So, I threw my frustrations onto you.”

“Like I said—it’s fine. I don’t care.”

“Okay.” you whisper.

“I didn’t mean it like that.” she sighs and starts playing with the hem of her sleeve like she was in careful thought. You wait for her to gather them to say something else. “Just figured you wouldn’t want to tell me after finding out…” she trails off, quieter than the wind.

“About what happened to me?” you ask cautiously. When she nods you chew the inside of your cheek. You don’t discern the fact that your legs are bouncing aggressively underneath the table. “Do you want to know?”

She nibbles on her lower lip. “Only if you want to talk about it.”

It’s been awhile since you spoke aloud about your accident. And how it took a year out of your life. Your heart starts racing, you try to convince yourself it’s just the caffeine but deep inside you know it’s because you’re anxious. Sae-byeok couldn’t look away anymore, clearly wanting a question but isn’t blunt enough to directly ask.

“I got into a car accident. Most of the injuries went to my head.” you explain shortly. But it took everything in you to finally say it. “I lost a year worth of memories because of it. And I get really bad brain fog so…that explains all the confusion and getting lost.”

“Sounds hard.” she whispers and starts glancing out the window.

“It is.” you heave. “My therapist says that music therapy and creating lists help with it.”

“Is that why I always see you with headphones during your breaks?”

“Are you always watching me?” you snort seeing the blush creep up her neck. That’s a sight you never thought you’d see. Her posture becomes guarded again, the arms crossed and contorted expression so you clear your throat. “Let’s change the topic okay?”

“…Fine.” she hesitates.

“Cheol told me his favorite book—what’s yours?”

“Heaven by Mieko Kawakami.” she responds right away, it took you by surprise.

“Really?” you gape, your eyebrows raising up. You see her lips start quivering again. “I love that book—not my favorite though but it’s definitely up there.”

“What’s yours?”

“The White Book—Han Kang.” you say without further thought. You take your last sip of coffee so you hold back the urge to laugh at her crestfallen expression. “You look so surprised when I said that:”

Sae-byeok exhales, like she was holding back the laugh that was ready to escape. You continue to gawk at her—you couldn’t distinguish what was different about her but something definitely was. Like flicker of a switch, you feel more at ease with her. It feels like you can tell her anything. Your heart drops at the possibility of—

“Do you want to go somewhere else?” she asks casually but already rose from her seat before you could answer. “There’s a spot I think you might like.”

A quizzical look etches your face. “Sure?”

She grabs your empty coffee cup and dumps it on the trashcan. When she opens the door halfway, she pauses and waits for you to catch up.

The moment you’re out in the sunlight your head feels like it’s tightening. This torturous sensation couldn’t be alleviated because Dasom broke your sunglasses. But you are dying to know where she will take you so you might just have to put up with the blaring sunlight.

When you reach the park, you think she’d lead you to a bench and sit by the lake. What you didn’t expect is to stand in front of a large wired gate at the end of the park. On the unreachable end of the gate, you see a massive greenhouse that resembles a mansion.

You’re confused when Sae-byeok bends down to lift up the wired fence, leaving a quaint gap for anyone to trespass through. She doesn’t say anything, but the glint of mischief in her eyes tells you enough—she wants you to duck underneath.

“Do you want to pay fifteen bucks to enter?” she asks you like the clear and obvious answer is to sneak inside the botanical garden.

A sigh escapes your lips. You don’t answer but you always wanted to go see the botanicals. You let your heart speak for your actions and duck underneath the fence. When you make it to the other side, you fight back the urge to wince at the headache starting to kick.

You shield your view from the white sunshine using your hands. But when Sae-byeok crawled to the back of the garden, she took one of your hands with hers and makes you run with her to the enormous greenhouse.

Her warm hands enveloped with yours and it confuses you. You don’t get it—why is she so relaxed with you?

She sneaks you into one of the back entrances, letting go of your hand and guides you by pressing her hand to the small of your back. Every now and then, you feel her hot and unsteady breath hit the side of your neck.

“We’re good.” she whispers when no onlookers or staff caught onto you both for trespassing.

You’re so in awe of the tall strangely shaped trees and arrays of flowers you didn’t even know existed that you almost forgot about the excruciating migraine starting. Sae-byeok quietly watches you, as if she was waiting for you to come to some sort of epiphany that never happened.

She trails after you for a solid ten minutes while you observe and snap photos of different plants you come across.

“There’s a spot outside with a pond—if you want to sit down.” she falters.

Her voice startles you. At this point, your eyes were squinted because you couldn’t take the sharp throbbing pain anymore.

“Lead the way then.” you still say.

You want to hold on longer. You’re dying to know how to solve the unsolvable puzzle that is Sae-byeok.

The pond was small and inviting with only a singular bench that can barely fit two people. When you both sit down she stares straight ahead at the lake as if she was pondering the great mysteries of the world. She has to know you’re looking at her right now.

You didn’t notice her splatter of freckles across her cheeks until now that the sunshine beams straight down on them. A blurry memory pops into your head about the same freckled person in front of you—you feel like you’ve seen her before.

Her posture slackens and she leans the back of her head on the bench. She was squirming at the intensity of your gaze.

“I feel like I know you.” you say outright.

Sae-byeok’s pokerface becomes stern. “From?” she says with a light tone—hope?

“I don’t know…Never mind.” you shut your eyes at the feeling of the sun hitting your corneas. “I need to stop assuming that everyone new I meet is from the past.”

You hear her keep shifting on the bench. “Can I ask you something now?” she asks. You flutter open your eyes and hum. “Do you have any friends right now?”

“Not really. I had a good group of friends in college but we all just naturally grew apart. But as of right now no.” you answer honestly. Adulthood is lonely, you doubt you’re the only one. “How about you?”

There was a brief pause after you ask her the question. Sae-byeok couldn’t tear her eyes away from the pond, it was like nostalgia washes over her. The small rare smile on her lips and fond eyes were a strange yet silently beautiful sight.

“I had one. But she left a long time ago…So, I guess not.” she answers bleakly.

“I’m sorry about that.” your frown. “Did she…?”

“Die? No—just left without saying a word.”

“Ah. That must suck.” you say, looking down at your lap. The migraine was getting worse. You feel your mind get more foggy and your eyes are starting to see all white. But you don’t want to stop talking to her.

“It does…I asked that because—I’m trying to make new friends.”

“You want to be friends?” you say breathlessly and she faintly hums in response. Now you feel awful for the way you behaved around her. But the light was becoming to unbearable you couldn’t keep your eyes open anymore. “I’m sorry.” you apologize for your past actions and for what’s about to occur next.

Sae-byeok didn’t notice your odd behavior yet. “For what this time?”

“Being so judgmental.” you say, your voice shaking like you were dealing with a lot of pain. “You didn’t deserve it.”

That was the last thing you were able to croak out until you had to press your palms to your aching forehead. The pain was too unbearable, you wanted to collapse on the ground and curl up into a ball by how weak and small you felt.

You feel a hand on top of your shoulder. Sae-byeok’s hoarse voice rings past your ears, “Are you alright? Hey, are you okay?”

“My head.” you say—you hope you did. The discomfort was becoming too much by the minute, that’s when the tears threatened to spill.

“What? What’s happening with your head? Did you get hurt again?” she frantically asks.

She gets off the bench and kneels down in front of you to get a better look at your wet face. Your silent cries were enough to signal that you were fighting an internal battle.

You feel so ashamed, so useless. She shouldn’t be dealing with your mess. “Sorry—“

“Do you need to go to the hospital? Please—Please say something.” she cries. You shake your head, instead you’re barely able to reply with the word home and that’s enough for her. “I’ll take you don’t worry.”

The recollection of what happened after she said that was foggy. You think she carried you on her back all the way to your apartment—but you don’t recall giving her your address or specify what floor you live on. And you’re almost certain that you didn’t tell her the precise location of your bedroom.

It wasn’t until you feel your body lay comfortably on the mattress and hear all your curtains in your room being shut and your cat mewing that you know you’re safe. But the tears couldn’t stop flowing from the pain—you feel as if your eyes were about to pop out of your skull.

“Do you have any medication that’ll help?” you hear her shaky and out of breath voice. At first you thought you were making it up. When you try to sit up, she gently pulls you back down. “Just tell me I’ll—I’ll know.”

You take a deep breath in to gather the words that were disarray in your mind. “Kitchen…cabinet.”

The shuffling of feet’s lets you know she’s left to find it but what you’re surprised about is how quickly she came back. Maybe your mind is too hazy to accurately reflect the concept of time.

The darkness filling the room helped. Your eyes started to adjust better, although it was still a bit blurry you were able to make out the shape of her sitting on the edge of your bed with a handful of medications.

“Be careful.” she gently murmurs when she saw your frail attempt to sit up. “Just point which one you need.”

You point to the orange bottle. She passes you two pills and a water bottle that you slowly take. After chugging almost the entire bottle, you let out another shaky breath.

Your body slowly begins to relax and all you wanted right now was to rest. The pain will take some time to subdue after the medication. You press your forehead against her shoulder blade and inhale her scent of wood-sage and cigarettes—you don’t know why you leaned onto her but it just felt right. What anchored you was the warmth of her hand rubbing circles on your back and her chin propped up on top of your head—and that’s when you knew.

“Sae-byeok…”

“Hm?”

──・──・・✿ ・・──・──

(summer, 2020)

“Look what I recently found.” you say, smiling mischievously at the guarded girl.

Sae-byeok humored onto you. She doesn’t know what sort of magic you did you spell her into agreeing to hang out with you but it worked. Maybe it’s the immense loneliness that she can’t get away from is what made her say yes to spending this afternoon with you. She just wants to feel something other than isolation for once. But so far, you were off to a terrible start.

You pull open the wired fence and crawl underneath it. Once successfully on the other side of the fence you encourage her to follow suit.

“What the hell are you playing at?” Sae-byeok snarls, slowly stepping back. She’s already got a lengthy history of breaking the law, she can’t add trespassing to the list.

“Come on I did this last time I was here and I didn’t get caught.” you say encouragingly, still holding onto the edges of the fence. “It’s either this or pay fifteen dollars—now hurry or we’ll really get caught!”

At this point Sae-byeok is frantic, she whips her head around to make sure no one is watching before she starts crawling underneath the fencing. She feels your hand wrap around her wrist to lure her to the back of the greenhouse. Are you some sort of adrenaline junkie? You currently have her ducking behind several displays of wildflowers. If you get them caught Sae-byeok swears this’ll be the last you hear from her

“We’re in the clear.” you whisper and let go of her wrist.

“Why did you take me here?” she hisses and grabs your arm before you have a chance to move around. You look at her with a startled look. “I didn’t sign up to trespass.”

“Well, you said you don’t see pretty things often.” you explain, blinking at her.

Sae-byeok sighs. There’s a reason why she’s so closed off—when she opens up things like this happen to her.

And you seem to determined to explore this garden, you slowly start backing away to a particular spot of this large greenhouse. Sae-byeok could only follow behind you. She silently observes the way you inspect the flowers and read off the signs that list fun facts. Cheol always boast about how smart you are and she isn’t going to deny it. Smart people tend to be the most curious about the world around them. She wishes she had that kind of wonder about life.

So, she tries. She tries mimicking the way you stare at these strange flowers and plants.

“It’s pretty right?”

Sae-byeok flinches by your voice. You are hovering over her, smiling like you’re trying to tell her ‘Told you so.’ She rolls her eyes in response. But they were somewhat nice to look at.

“So, did you like the book I recommended?” you ask her, curiously. She only shakes her head to reply. You conceal the grin itching to form. “Would you consider more of my book recommendations?”

“I don’t read.” she says sternly and knits her eyebrows when you threw her a strange look. “I don’t have time to read.”

The two of you quietly keep observing the flowers. Sae-byeok holds her breath, sensing that you weren’t finished talking because your body was still facing hers.

“You can always come to the library to read.” you suggest. “I always say that time stops when you enter a library—you should try it out.”

She shoves her hands into her jean pockets and walks away from you and this conversation. Sae-byeok doesn’t need life advice from you or anyone else. You don’t have a single clue as to what she has to deal with on a daily basis.

After today, she doesn’t wish to see you anymore—not after this stunt you pulled. Her mind is made up.

🏷️: @lyzem @monkey4lifer @tlouloser @bitchybananaflower @yenyu1s @marfe816 @gummyoonji @peelover25 @saebyeokbliss @knfthxv @we1rdth0ughts @monroesturnns @wiltingconquest @noaanotfound @tyresedidujsfart @madebysae

[bookie-bookdust]

When You Were His

Sebastian had this dream—he never told you—of you resting your head on his shoulder in the rain.

CWs: It's sad but not crying sad if that makes sense, but you ain't gonna feel great either?, very minor hint of suicidal thoughts Word count: 875 words Links: read in this post or ao3

Sebastian had this dream—he never told you—of you resting your head on his shoulder in the rain.

It’d happened. Once.

You’d been waiting out the downpour at the mouth of a cave, the cooling mist a comfort against his flushed, damp skin. The edges of both of your robes were drenched, legs kicked out and boots caked in mud.

This wet curl kept bouncing in your eyes, and he made some stupid joke about it that made you laugh so loud your voice echoed into the cave behind you. As if it, too, needed to hold onto the sound and never forget your voice.

He’d learned quickly you had this boisterous laugh, and he worked tirelessly to earn it. You loved puns, the stupidest of them, and he made a mental list of every single one he wanted to tell you.

“Pumpkin pasty?” You fished it from your pocket.

Sebastian blinked, taken by surprise before he snorted. “How many of those do you have stuffed in your pocket right now?”

You sat up, and he instantly regretted the question at the absence of your warmth. But you tugged his hands out, dropping pasty after pasty until six sat in his waiting palms.

“You have a problem.”

“I do not.” You snatched them back, stuffing them away.

He only smirked, but you returned your head to his shoulder as if it was easy, the natural thing to do. And suddenly it felt like he expanded with hundreds of fizzing whizbees. That he floated—as long as he could take you with him.

“I don’t think you should use the relic,” you murmured.

He stilled, his smile dropping. “Where’d that come from?” His shoulders tightened, fists clenching in his lap. “Ominis?”

“No, no.” You sat up to look at him.

The cold rushing in was no longer an absence of warmth. Now it was a warning, a receipt for that which he was owed: cold, quiet solitude. If he couldn’t save Anne there was no saving him either.

“There’s something unsettling about it. I think our ancient magic lead is more promising. Just give it a few days. Let me speak with the Keepers.”

But a few days was the difference between a body warm and a body cold and bloating past expiration. It could—he stopped himself. He couldn’t think about it. He couldn’t think about Anne that way.

“The healers said she’s worse.” He stilled, the words sloshing in his throat.

Your eyes reflected the rain, the flush of your skin, the wet hair clinging to your neck. This no longer felt like running from the rain, laughing all the way for shelter. It was more like clawing out of a drowning storm, bitter and numb.

“They don’t know how much time she has,” he muttered at last.

You didn’t respond, worrying your bottom lip as you studied his face. He wished he knew what you were thinking. He only had the fears he was always trying to emboss on other peoples’ skin.

Surely you thought he’d taken this too far. Like they all did. That the haze was beginning to lift as you understood what they’d been warning you of all along.

Sebastian is just like his father.

Sebastian doesn’t know when to stop.

Sebastian will destroy himself and anyone who comes too close.

“Do you,” he paused, “do you think I’m in over my head?”

You sighed, and the silence that followed made him want to scratch his arms until they bled.

“I think we both are. But do we really have a choice?” You tucked your knees to your chin, staring out at the rain. It still hadn’t let up.

No. There wasn’t a choice.

He thought of that day often. The last moment of calm before everything had shifted. Anne’s letters had stopped. Ominis made his stance clear. But you, you stood by him.

He wished he’d agreed with you. That he’d hurled the relic into the sea. That he’d tucked that wet curl behind your ear. That he’d admitted his feelings instead of swallowing them down as he’d grown used to the taste. It never seemed like the right time. Like he deserved to feel something besides the unsurmountable grief and rage.

Because there had been a choice. There always was.

Even now, he had a choice.

Stay or go. Stay or go.

Stay.

Or go.

“Sallow.” A voice snapped him from his thoughts.

The rain, that moment slipped away, the roaring replaced by waves, angry as they crashed against stone. A different sort of cold crept back into his bones, his damp clothes, his bare feet, under his cracked and dirty nails. The kind of cold that didn’t leave you. Your last true companion.

“Lights out. Unless you want dementors as bedmates.” The guard rattled his cell door before moving on to the next.

It was always the same.

He’d lay down in the cold grimy corner, the blade he’d forged from a scrap of stray metal tucked beneath his mildewed pillow, and he’d have this dream of you resting your head on his shoulder in the rain. That he’d chosen you.

He had this dream of when you were his.

[rosedere]

hii if your request still open, can i request yandere azul forcing his darling to make love with him because he afraid his darling's first would be taken by someone than him, so he had to take it first, leading to noncon. he get a little pushy, and sometimes guilt trip his darling. can you do this with a fem darling?

thank you so much if you take this request, not pressuring you to take this of course. have a nice day💐

oooh Non con 🤤…

Ever since I got to that ONE quote from *redacted* in Episode 62 of Bleach im on my *Older men with glasses manipulating a younger Darling that thinks their in love with them* kick heh…

Tears of Venus (Yan! Azul Ashengrotto x Fem! Reader)

Tw: Non Con, Manipulative Azul, Stalking, Age Gap (Azul is like 21 and your like 18 and NRC is a college bc nahhh 🤢 im depraved but not like that 😭), Harassment/ Touching, Virginity Loss, Creepy Azul, Suicide Attempt mention

-

"Azul, you've been a bit quiet this session" you placed your violin on the plush leather sofa of the Monstro lounge where you stood, watching carefully at the Housewarden for any sign of why he was uncharacteristically sad about this practice.

He kept his eyes focused on his piano workbook in front of him, his fingers still hovering over the keys as if he were memorizing another song different from the one you both agreed on.

"Azul.."

You lowered your music stand the squeak from the metal hitting the bottom of the stand part you were approaching the wide bench where he was seated, soothing your mini skirt as you elegantly sat next to your friend on the dark leathery seat in front of the piano.

"Did I accidentally miss my cue? Or did I not go up with my bow in time again" you asked.

He was lost in his mind, still touching the keys of the middle of the grand piano.

You no better reached out to gently get his attention meaning to grab the sleeve of his dorm uniform.

But you were able to feel his naturally moisturized skin that was rumored all Mer's had.

A blush dusted the tops of your cheeks realizing you had touched his actual skin.

Unfortunately, this didn't go unnoticed as Azul's piercing hues locked onto the side of your cheeks, instead of the fury that he held for you messing up his silent practice however it seemed he was focused on watching you through fluttering lashes.

"you know (Name) there's something I've been meaning to ask you"

His hand suddenly trapped your unsuspecting ones, larger than your own but your attention was at its peak as you focused on his now cheerful demeanor.

You waited for his follow-up question, a feeling of something sour in your stomach was acting as a warning to what was to come from the older Housewarden's mouth.

"Why do you always come to these music meetups" He asked a tremble to his naturally pouty toned voice, "No one else has ever wanted to play music with me as you do"

"it makes me wonder if there are ulterior motives"

A fleeting touch on the hand was starting to morph into him eyeing and aiming for the naked part of your leg that was exposed from your pleated skirt.

"I sure am flattered someone as young as you would want to be with me"

You pulled back sitting as far on the bench as you could, laughing was all you could, He must be playing a trick on you or something, Azul was so sweet and kind to you as an upperclassman, he was always trying to protect you from the bullies those Twin eels that found entertainment terrorizing you after all at no cost besides him being able to talk to you in the lounge after classes ended for the day.

Just your best friend.

"I just came because I love music and you are the only friend I have at this school" You nervously rubbed the back of your neck, Azul still looked at you with a gentle and focused gaze towards your face and torso.

"oh really? I find that hard to believe with how beautiful you are for a mere Freshman"

You could only grin and give a half-lidded smile before shrugging off the comment.

"I'm surprised you have so many compliments today"

Azul was beginning to close the distance from you, this time you only let him close the distance, his eyes once more scanning the valley and crevice of the low cut-off shoulder shirt you had on it seemed.

"(Name)"

"Are you wearing a bra underneath that tight shirt"

Your throat instantly dried as you felt him once more latch to your skirt, tugging slightly at the fabric.

"or is it just because I'm nearby"

"Azul- that's not funny" you giggled a strangled laugh, wanting to just excuse yourself to the bathroom at this Glancing over Azul's shoulder in the hopes there was someone around in the Octavinelle Lounge, hell even Floyd, the scariest one of the twins was maybe sitting at the table underneath the fishes that swam by around this time in the evening reading a book to at least have heard what Azul was saying to you.

But it was as if everyone was gone; it was just you and Azul.

"I wasn't trying to be funny (Name)" his tone was serious.

His graceful eyes were now clouded with just your fearful, almost leaking eyes back in the reflection of his own.

"Look, I think I might go…" You cleared your throat, picking up your shirt to cover more of your exposed collarbone.

"it was fun to practice today, I'll just come back tomorrow" You smiled, soothing your skirt you stood up quickly retreating to your violin resting on the sofa, your Case closed beside the end of the Sofa.

Damn… of all times you couldn't make a clean getaway.

"so, it is true what I've heard about you then.." Azul's fragile tone rang out in the empty lounge, the sound of broken glass with the pieces still shattering fully into shiny crystals on a hard surface.

You didn't confront him, only opening the case and hoping to god you didn't forget your rosin on the stand.

"You do just use people for your gain then…"

A sniffle.

This time you did look back, his stormy blues now dotted with a few crystal tears.

"I thought you did love to play music and share a hobby with me but it seems you just wanted me to get rid of your bullies and that's all--"

A strangled sob came from his throat as he covered his face in shame with his gloved hands seemingly defeated and heartbroken at the edge of the bench.

Your eyes widen, abandoning your violin and leaving it in the velvet case you stand up to walk to the hunched-over Man.

"no, no of course not Azul don't cry" Disregarding the strange guilt mixed with a deep pit of regret you approached Azul.

He only continued to cry into his gloved hand.

And against your better judgment…

After all, how would you know a hug was what would trigger him?

You comforted all your friends this way, Guys and Girls alike.

Instead of teary and snot-full heartbreak on Azul's face, it was something of pleasure, you honestly had never seen someone look at you like that before.

His arms were too strong to push him away from your vulnerable arms, after all, he was a proficient magician in Twisted Wonderland, being propped up against the piano a symphony of out-of-tune and broken notes escaped as your back hit the top of the piano, His mouth taking your first kiss.

One of the many first that night in the silent lounge.

No one came to save you, despite the strangled moans, being stripped naked on the bench of the piano as Azul strangely touched you over the most sensitive part of your lips down there.

He didn't hurry, no, not at all.

Taking care to pinch and pebble your sensitive breast, he was eager to get his pants off, revealing his member poking the entrance to your untouched flower.

It was uncomfortable despite how hard he had made you squirt some liquid out of you just from his long lithe fingers.

The lewd moan that escaped you and the excited lustful gaze Azul had as he thrusted into your impossibly tight heat, a trickle of liquid, your virginity dripping onto the bench below your disregarded skirt as you felt him kiss and bite at any skin that was around the nape of your neck, carefully thrusting inside of you filling you up completely.

Sweet nothings and promises were all that was whispered in your ear beside the sinful squelch you were resounding off from your body alone.

He was making you feel good…

Yes…

Azul loves his beautiful Venus…

After what felt like hours was when you gasped, the feeling of something warm spreading underneath your full and gaping cunt was the signal that you had both become one.

Azul pulled himself off of you, admiring the dazed and sweaty body you now had shared with him, drinking up the image of you as he zipped his pants up.

"You don't know how bad I want to do this Again (Name)" He smiled a toothy grin.

You couldn't even respond, still looking up at the ceiling of the ocean dorm.

"oh don't give me the silent treatment after I gave my heart To you just now"

You could feel his large grey overcoat drape over your naked testament of his love.

The pale blues never leave any part of your body.

"come on, I'll go see if we can get you cleaned up" He playfully responded.

"I can make your favorite drink, on the house of course for this special Night" Azul chuckled.

-

Azul: I'm sorry (Name) I just couldn't control myself.

Azul: I've loved you for a long time and I hadn't even had sex either you were the one I wanted to spend my first on over any other bimbo in this school.

Azul: please just Answer the phone (Name) I want to hear you before…

Azul: I do something I can't come back from.

Azul: you know I still have the knife, or maybe I might make it hurt and use pills this time.

Azul: You've been talking to other men You whore.

Azul: you got your virginity taken once and now you probably look for anything.

Azul: (Name)

Azul: (Name) where are you?

Azul: I'm outside your dorm, I know you're upstairs the light is on.

Azul: Sea angel I just want to see you again, I won't hurt you anymore.

Azul: let's just start over again, Pretend this never happened.

Azul: (Name)?

Azul: (Name)

*This user has now been blocked, you will no longer receive messages from this number*

-

Note: Thanks For requesting Anon! :D (cough is this was long but it’s the exception it’s Tako Month a wonderful occasion)

[phantomyre]

Perhaps Sephiroth had seen her actions more of a ploy or an act of ignorance. He certainly had the right of it. So much of what Sephiroth had endured were due to terrible experiments that were kept well under lock and key. Hardly anyone alive understood what all was involved. It had only been Gast, Hojo, and Lucrecia when Sephiroth’s creation had been executed; and now only Lucrecia was left alive. Her expression remained soft and comely at Sephiroth’s question. He didn’t have to believe anything she said… even if it pained her. She knew this was merely the result of her actions.

A pained smile crossed her lips in response to Sephiroth’s words. “I cannot easily die, no… and neither can you. But it’s not completely impossible, either.” She stood silent, observing Sephiroth with keen interest. “This… isn’t your true body, is it??” she mused allowed. She had sensed something was off about Sephiroth, but perhaps he had separated his spirit from his physical body. In other words… she had felt he had physically died, even if Vincent had denied it at one point. Yet, here he stood, seemingly alive and well. But was it truly him in the flesh? A slight sense of guilt came over Vincent as he didn’t want Lucrecia to know that her son had been killed; and now he was rebuilding his body to become something akin to a god of sorts. She knew her son was long gone. Thus, it pained Vincent to see her persist. He too had held the belief that there was possibly some ounce of humanity in Sephiroth. But deep inside, he knew that was long gone. Now he stood and watched Lucrecia suffer through the same fruitless endeavor. Only he knew she would never give up. After all, it was only natural for a mother to yearn for her son, no matter how far gone he was. Though he stood before her, he was many galaxies away from her.   “In theory,” she quietly began as she continued to address Sephiroth’s question. “A strong will of another can break the chain of immortality. If it can bind you to life eternal, then so too can it break it. And your will is strong…” Her words fell solemnly, knowing Sephiroth had the strength and will to tear her down. It was simply a matter of testing it out. …perhaps she was forever a scientist after all. A mixture of anger and sadness loomed over Vincent’s face as he watched their interactions. He knew there was nothing he could do to prevent Lucrecia from desiring this suicidal request. He knew the suffering that came with being denied release. And yet… ‘Why do you care..?’ Lucrecia shook her head. “…It may seem meaningless to you,” she spoke thoughtfully. “I know I cannot turn back time. And I know you’ll never see me as a mother… I don’t deserve it. You deserve peace. I just wish I could give it to you… somehow.” She stayed her arms for a moment before slowly lowering her arms. Sephiroth wouldn’t even draw comfort from killing her, simply because she was nothing to him. It was one thing to be hated, but it was another to be nothing. Even in that, Hojo still managed to make an impression on Sephiroth. And she… utter nothingness. She truly meant nothing to Sephiroth, and never would ever mean anything. Lucrecia lowered her head. “…Is it wrong for me to give up?” Vincent lifted his head when he heard Lucrecia’s voice crack. Even if she was merely asking the question, he could tell she had already chosen to end the battle for her son. Her hazel eyes eventually landed on Vincent’s, brimming with tears afresh. The sight tore his heart once again. Not an ounce of hope was left in her. “Jenova’s right… It’s no use.” At this point, Vincent didn’t have a heart to encourage her any longer and didn’t give a response. He could practically feel Jenova triumphantly taunting Lucrecia. Without waiting for a response, Lucrecia gave Sephiroth one last look. “…I’m sorry… for everything.”

Before Vincent could prevent Lucrecia from touching Sephiroth, the silver-headed male deflected as though he had been touched by a burning torch. It was painful to behold, yet it wasn’t surprising to the gunslinger. Lucrecia flinched painfully when Sephiroth pulled away from her, simultaneously shocked by Jenova’s invasive thoughts. This caused Lucrecia to cry out and drop to her knees, gripping her head, the tears resuming their stream. Vincent immediately joined her side and held her close to his chest.

It was no use… “Sephiroth…” Lucrecia’s trembling voice was hardly anything more than a whisper as she buried her face against Vincent’s cloak, her tears staining the red velvet garment. Any hope she might have had to rejoin with her son had faded, and Vincent could feel it in her voice. “Lucrecia,” The gunslinger whispered, an equal amount of despondency in his own voice. “I shouldn’t have… perhaps I was wrong to…” The mournful mother trembled, but she managed to lift her head and look up at Vincent. She shook her head and seemed to realize how she had pushed Vincent away the entire time ever since Sephiroth had appeared. He chilled trembling fingers lifted and caressed Vincent’s face, aiding him to look at her. “N-no… no. Don’t be. You’ve done more for me than anyone. This…” She slowly turned to look towards Sephiroth, the painful knot in her throat swelling up, but she swallowed it back with much effort. To hear her own son tell to not touch him, and to treat her like some sort of disease… she understood. “…This was all my doing,” Lucrecia finished, her eyes directed at Sephiroth as she spoke to Vincent. “I’m the one who…” The words of Jenova once again rang in her head. Your every move… only damages him further. Tears poured down silently down both her cheeks. It was all true. There was nothing she could do to change what had happened. She knew he had been bred and raised to own a mighty power. At the time, she had thought Jenova to be an ancient, but as her time at Shinra came to a close, she realized who the alien was and what her son would become. And there stood the product of her choice—a weapon who would be wielded against the planet. Vincent had been kept in the dark. He had tried to stop her, but she had not only closed her ears to his pleas, but also chose to disregard the well-being of her child for the sake of science. This was her reward for her crimes. Bereft of a child she didn’t deserve… and one who would never see her anything but a monster. Lucrecia’s thoughts were once again diverted towards her son; her ears ever keen to his movements and his voice. His request made her fall silent. Though Vincent knew her asking Sephiroth was an invitation for issues, he was surprised to see her face looking as though she were weighing Sephiroth’s wish. The gunslinger searched Lucrecia’s face and gripped her shoulders as if to gently bring her back to reality. But he was once again ignored, and Lucrecia slowly stood up, Vincent following her movement as he too stood up, eyes locked upon the back of her head as she faced Sephiroth. “Sephiroth,” Lucrecia’s voice softened, this time keeping a respectful distance from him, letting him know she wouldn’t attempt to get close again. “…I understand. The people have wronged you. And this world sees you as a monster.” She lowered her head, her hands clasped over her chest as she continued softly. “You want closure… an end for those responsible for your suffering.” A tightness seemed to take hold of Vincent’s chest when he sensed what she was doing. “…I may not be able to fulfill all of your wish, and I know I cannot mend your heart. But…” She stood up straight, slowly holding her hands up towards him as if she were gifting him something in her hand. She then slowly opened her arms wide, the cold breeze flowing through her silk dress and soft tresses. “But if it will give you any sort of peace… I’m here for you.” Vincent’s eyes widened in horror. “Lucrecia?!”

[flamingfalcon3]

These are such Nina-coded lyrics… I’m devastated

[that-foul-legacy-lover]

today just will not let me rest huh. reasons are in the tags but i get very emotional just be warned

[lionblaze03-2]

sometimes I think about writing and singing music not because I’m an incredible singer but because no one has my fucking voice, especially in popular music, and its disheartening to be born a girl, told you’ll only get girl roles or try to voice match other girls, or ‘sing with the girls’ and then only be able to match male voices because you’re a fuckin tenor and not anything higher. I can’t think of any girl Broadway roles I can hit all the notes on. Most songs I love I have to pitch down for myself or use falsetto for singing along to. It bothers me a lot less now because I’m an adult who’s more secure in myself but as a teen in kids musical theatre it FUCKED with me, BAD style. And I know for a fact that even now when I hear people with a voice like mine singing I get excited and immediately invested in their work because they’re like ME, finally, for once. A brother in this world of being afab and having the voice of a recently pubescent boy forever. Maybe I should be that brother too.

[lenzimanotarchived]

some headcanons regarding F.iyero's bg/his relationship with O.z:

F.iyero is the only son & heir of Marilott T.igelaar, Chieftain of the A.rjikis, and Baxiana of Upper F.anarra. The T.igelaars & their tribe are the strongest force in the V.inkus & therefore hold a powerful, unique position there but also represent it in the rest of O.z. That obviously comes with a lot of pressure & responsibility & F.iyero's father instills a deep sense of duty to their family & country in him from an early age.

I mentioned this before, but in threads that aren't specifically set in the musical plot, F.iyero has also been married to S.arima since they've been 7 by default, following book canon here.

an important aspect in how Fi.yero interacts & holds himself in O.z is the constant threat from the east. He is very aware of the Vi.nkus being the last part of O.z still (relatively) unoccupied by the W.izard & his forces & how much he'd like to change that.

therefore going to S.hiz is not just a way for F.iyero to extend his studies, but it's perhaps mainly a diplomatic mission, to show his willingness to assimilate.

mastering his shallow and carefree persona is very much about survival, both his own & his homes'. Because as long he doesn't appear to be a threat, there's no good reason to invade the V.inkus.

going with the musical plot - this also plays into him becoming captain of the guards eventually. It's another step to keep the peace & outwardly show that he's become part of O.z (it is only one reason of course, but that's a whole different story).

Is that a very delicate line to walk on & does it stress him out? YES

in addition I have the headcanon that his father died not long after the events of act i, so F.iyero is left fully in charge of the Arjiki tribe & with the responsibility to protect the V.inkus, when he becomes captain & gets engaged to G.linda.

F.iyero cares very deeply about his home, even if he might pretend not to care about anything. He has always been prepared to defend it if the situation calls for it.

honestly, the greatest sign of how much E.lphaba means to him, is that he's ready to give up his position to be free with her.

speaking of freedom: leaving everything behind is also about leaving behind the perpetual thoughts about how he's perceived by others/how he can be comfortable to them. this is ultimately what he learns through E.lphaba.

[jujutsustraycats]

BUNGOU STRAY DOGS REALLY DECIDED TO BE LIKE "i'mma murder your delulu asses and then heal it all at once" LIKE HELLO? YOU YOSANO OR SMTH??

Edit: Ignore the tags about the episode thing, this apparently is the finale for season 5. But still. I'm worried about the further plot.

[airenyah]

really tempted to rewatch both simm and hidden agenda and write up a defense of dunk's acting

[tariah23]

The fact the Denji is just so used to being stuck in shit to the point where he barely has any strong reactions to things ever outside of being a bit thrown off at times and that one time a couple of chapters ago when Yoshida had both he and his sister held as captives where he was pretty much forced to stop being csm or else- Denji isn’t allowed any agency as a character and he cannot have what he wants regardless of how insignificantly small that thing might be. He’s always forced into making discussions that he doesn’t want to, even if they’re painful and scary. And it is always through him being guilted into making them.

[ghostcrows]

that damn web comic is rattling around in my brain ...

[im2tired4usernames]

I hate that I literally just do not trust any of the older folks in my family to do right by anyone

[just-a-cup-of-anxietea]

Had to look this up. Interestingly, the descriptions on other pages all use such brutal language. “Starve” the rhubarb of light, “force” the rhubarb to find light to photosynthesize. I’m not finding much in the way of actual biological descriptions, so if anyone has those, please share!

[actual-corpse]

You ever been told something about someone you were close to that made you sick to your stomach and almost threw up?