#I have only the strongest feelings for Cassandra Cain

[slytherinnerd05]

So I had to write an argumentative essay in English the other day, and I decided to write about why Cassandra Cain is the best one of the bat kids to take Batman’s name when Bruce retires….

“Even Batman admits his loss when faced with his daughter, Cassandra Cain. He was asked by Batwoman what would happen if he had to fight Cain, all he said in response was “I’d lose.” Given Batman believes he would lose when fighting her, it only makes sense for her to be his predecessor. She is the only one who genuinely wants and can handle the title. She can read body language. She is even more strict than he is with her morals. The only other member of the family who could take the mantle instead would be Dick Grayson. Cassandra Cain is the best choice out of his children to become Batman when he gives up the name.

Cassandra Cain has been Batgirl since 2000. She understands Batman's morals better than any of his other children, as she was raised with her mother, Lady Shiva. She trained to be a silent assassin, meaning her mother never taught her how to speak. When she came into the bat-family she learned sign language first, then eventually learned how to speak. She understands Batman's need not to kill, as she feels the same. They both believe they wouldn’t stop if they started.

While living with her mother she learned how to read body language. Meaning she can read every attack before they strike. She is so good at dodging enemies, that the CIA classified her as a “meta-human” (a human with superpowers, that isn't an alien), as they've seen her dodge bullets. The main reason she can and has beat Batman in a fight is because of her ability to read and dodge his attacks while still being fast enough to counter the hits. She may not be the strongest physically but she is the fastest and the most fluid in her fighting style.

She is the only one who can take his title out of all of Batman's kids. Some of the Batman villains have already seen her as Batman’s successor. Even if Damian, the only other one to want the title, feels like he can take it, he still believes that killing is acceptable, when Batman’s entire gimmick is that he cannot kill.

Ever since coming into the bat-family she is the only one who hasn’t killed. Dick Grayson, who is said to be the “next Batman”, has killed the Joker, after he tortured Tim Drake (long after Jason Todd had died). He has been said multiple times in comics as “better than Batman”, meaning he never should become Batman, as he is the light to Batman’s dark.

In summary, Cassandra Cain is the best choice for the successor to Batman because she is the only one who believes in his morals, she is the only one who wants and can handle the title, and she can read body language makingit simple for her to predict attacks.”

If anyone actually finds this I will be amazed

[ravenkinnie]

For the character ranking thing, jinx, caitlyn, ellie, raven, cassandra cain

5 ellie - I loved the show I like the games but when I know a character first through my grilfriend I consider them a blorb9 in law, like claire redfield and alice liddell are also my blorbos in law. my girlfriend could take them in the divorce and for the rest of my life I would resent seeing any mention of these games because I'm a scorpio so that lowers ellies ranking

4 raven - I love raven, her and batman are my ogs, they both changed something permanently in my elementary school brain and it never recovered. however, i hate modern raven so much, like fellow mutual momo strongest raven fan warrior is able to keep up but I dont have her powerful autism so i only feel hate and i wish dc the worst for that. god i fucking hate bbrae too i would stage a coup at the hq just to fix raven. I wish somebody brought back the new teen titans design, keep the saris and keep everything, just make her desi, people will complain and get over it like they got over miles and we got spiderverse out of that so. take her out of the titans cause im sorry, I'm a titans fan but this is a sinking ship, every book is a heavier flop than the previous one, im going to save my girl. have her cameo in other shit and be like omg im on my own whatever and test her dynamic with other characters, find her a new place in dc universe and then i think you could have a banger team book on your hands because she does the best in teams. I do selfishly wish that place was more near magic users books because i think that would be so much more slay for her to show her powers than having her faint all the time because she could easily defeat a divorcee in spandex and we have 20 pages to fill

3 caitlyn - caitlyn is my OG main which you might not realise because in so jinxpilled these days but I played her through high school (never left bronze <3 still haven't left bronze <3). so you can only imagine my joy when they made her a 6'1 dyke with a tooth gap AND they kept her big boobs, I've been winning ever since. I think I'm one of like five caitlyn stans maybe tho, every caitvi shipper seems to either like vi more or want to fuck vi more and outside caitvi circles no one really likes caitlyn. which is fair because she's rich and a cop so i can't defend her but I like that she's always struggling because of her own stupidity and is constantly challenged. when someone says she's wrong and she does that frowny face, she's so sexy to me, I love a stubborn bitch. she's also autistic to me, I'm just saying it because no one ever has caitlyn headcanons. I also LOVE league caitlyn, i think league caitlyn is 80% of the reason why domme mommy caitlyn is so popular because she IS a domme mommy. fantastic legend of runeterra card too

2 jinx - i know its a travesty she's not #1 but the tea is, i just didnt like her in like 2014 dhshsj i don't like jokeresque characters usually, i think it's a noring iverused tropes that only pretends to be interesting with fake depth and quirky randomness, I'm sorry. but you CAN make it good and i think arcane gave her such a strong comeback for me, I'm fond of league jinx too now, like I've grown to appreciate her even if I dont find her OG release that good. jinx gets the best promo materials tho, maybe outside of KDA girlies. GREAT legends of runeterra card, i maxed out her skill in the path of champions and I've played with many other decks in this game so believe me when I say, level 3 jinx is so OP its baffling. play her path of champions before they nerf her cause they just nerfed her in league a lil shshjsis. I have to stop typing because i took an edible and i could talk about jinx all day like the way they balance her storyline perfectly, the fact that every storyline goes back to jinx, her energy like im biased but sorry she is a scene stealer. her potential, the way every single dynamic she has with every character could be so good BECAUSE she has those plot connections, also i think her voice lines and arcane dialogue are really good, she has a very distinct style of speaking. both voice acting in the game and the show are great (pls look up her death voicelines they are so funny) but ella purnell??? I had no clue who she was before arcane and now i watch everything she's in. get jinxed was made by djerv which is a GREAT band too

1 cassandra cain - she is forever my dc rising star like i see who you are, i see your potential and i will blow up dc headquarters for you. I'm keeping her at #1 cause she deserves it but I'm so sorry when I recommend you the solo and the art looks like that, in my head it doesn't, love is blind. PLEASE look up the batgirl vs joker issue drawn by bill sienkiewicz tho, she is so beautiful in it kiss kiss. she is literally just if batman served extreme levels of cunt in every move. her backstory is batshit, she is my favorite portrayal of suicidality because it proves you can write those themes without being corny as fuck, just like jinx she has great fascinating dynamics with every other character. unlike jinx, it's because she stands out, she's barely connected to other characters which I think makes her kind of cooler like she's this super weird shadowy being you're kind of friends or coworkers with. pure cuntress

and the thing that hurts the most is that if that solo launched with modern art now I think it would find a good market because hear me out. every comic book is cursed now because no one knows how to write dialogue or understand cinematography or design but they sure know how to write monologues so you lose eyesight trying to read a lot of words about nothing on tiny panels. which cass' solo does not do becauee the dialogue is quite minimal even later on, it relies on visually striking and easy to read panels which are fantastically shareable on social media to entice people to read the book. plus I just watched mad max furiosa in the cinema and I was thinking we really have a trend of feral young women with an older mentor figure that sucks as a person and cass. CASS HAS THREE. and a cunty as fuck mother. I know this shit would sell and if it found a good market maybe it wouldn't end so fucking badly

give me five ships, characters, or shows and I will rank them from my favorite to my least favorite.

[maxwell-grant]

Cass wouldn’t even begrudingly tolerate [the Black Bat], because she’s even less lenient than Bruce on killing and far more willing to throw down.' - THANK YOU for remembering that.

Cass is my favorite Batfam member, the only one really that I have an active interest in reading about. I'd be incredibly ignorant to not bring bring up such a crucial aspect of her characterization. And even if I didn't personally care for her, well, last thing I'd want is to be another source of frustration for Cass fans. Lord knows there's enough of those to go around.

mousebrass also asked: On that note, how do you imagine a meeting between Cass and the Shadow going?

Fair warning: This one took me 6 hours to write, and it became a hell of a lot longer than I imagined. I liked Cass a lot, but I never quite realized I had this many feelings regarding her until I was tasked with writing this, and a lot of things clicked for me regarding my plans for The Shadow thanks to this ask. @mousebrass, thank you. I mean it. I think I may have found something here I've spent years looking for. Hope you enjoy the post.

I'm thankful that this scenario is only really taking place in a hypothetical fanon where both characters can get a fair shot, because I wouldn't trust DC with this premise. I don't trust DC with either of them as is.

There's a lot of ways that this crossover could go on about taking place naturally, initially because Cass is already connected to some of Batman's pulpier elements, due to her connections to Lady Shiva and the League of Assassins, and one could connect Cass to Myra Reldon (who really should just be race swapped if ever brought back so she can stand out as the cool character she is, without the yellowface gimmick holding her back). There's two things I think are crucial to making the most of this idea, and the first of which has to do with the subject of killing. I usually don't like to come up with hypothetical team-ups for The Shadow that focus too much on the fact that he kills, because it's far from the most significant aspect of his character to focus on, much of it is written from a wrong understanding of the character, and it never amounts to anything other than perfunctory. But here, not only is it completely unavoidable to discuss, here there is actually a very, very substantial grounding as to why this has to be such a big part of the story.

The first and foremost thing that's gotta be established to everyone reading that doesn't know already is this: Cassandra Cain, more so than Batman, more so than any other DCU hero, has a tolerance towards murder lower than zero, and this is completely non-negotiable. She will throw herself on the path of an assault rifle to stop men trying to kill her from accidentally killing each other. The defining moment of her incredibly grim backstory is that she was trained from birth to be the world's greatest murderer, and her first kill traumatized her so badly that she has pivoted as far away from that as possible. I stress a lot that the Shadow should not be written as the trigger-happy maniac comics made him into and that the pulp version killed mostly to defend himself and others, generally left criminals to the police if possible, offered plenty of second-chances, had stories dedicated to the rehabilitation of criminals and so on, but none of this would matter to Cass.

Cass has literally chosen suicide over the prospect of living with murder on her hands time and time again, and The Shadow kills. When he kills, he does so without remorse, with unshakeable certainty. He hates death, he doesn't want lives to be at risk in the first place. But people will die if he doesn't do anything, and what he can do, what he exists to do, is turn the tools of evil against evil, and murder is the oldest tool of evil there is. He doesn't kill because a war scarred him, he doesn't kill because he's got a demon in his soul, he doesn't kill because he's mentally off balance, he doesn't kill because he's evil or sadistic or arrogant or anything of the sort. He kills because the men he fights chose death when they sought to harm innocents and fire guns at him. He kills because he is Death itself.

Regardless of how compassionate he is or can be, regardless of the fact that he's motivated by a desire to protect people, regardless of how justified he is, he is still dropping corpses and laughing maniacally doing so. Cass's real arch-enemy isn't Shiva or David Cain, it's Death, it's the thing that she's fundamentally most opposed to. And guess what The Shadow gets compared to often enough? Literally the very first line of the very first book where we get to see him, this is how we are introduced to him:

So the premise here is that we are taking a character who is defined by her fundamental opposition to death with every fiber of her being, who understands death on a level no other human being does, who is traumatized and hard-wired to detest death at all costs and to choose suicide over it, and asking her to team up with The Grim Reaper.

Even if he received the most abject lesson conceivable on the sheer wrongness of murder, even if he does put down the guns around Cass out of respect for her, he cannot protect his agents and others if he cannot shoot or kill those who try to harm them, and the protection of the agents is absolutely non-negotiable and not at all something he's willing to fuck around with by trying out gadget kung fu superhero alternatives. The Shadow has chosen to throw his life away for their sake time and time again, and no matter how appaling or disgusting Cass finds his deeds, even if he concedes that she's right and should be right on all accounts and that he is fundamentally a monster who has no right to judge others, he would not concede on his mission and he would make it very clear she would have to put him down violently to stop him from protecting others this way, and death has not stopped him before.

And to be upfront in case there's anyone who doubts it, Cass would kick The Shadow's ass, if they had to fight. She is the strongest fighter in the DCU, she lives and breathes fighting and combat in a way no one else does. And The Shadow's not one of those characters who is supposed to be invincible and the best at everything all the time always, he can and does lose fights and scrapes to people far less adept at it than Cass. He's a great fighter, obviously, he hauls bigger men than him through doors and was disabling people with Vulcan neck pinches decades before Spock, and he would definitely have an edge in other areas, but he's out of his league here. Frankly, I don't see The Shadow raising a finger against Cass unless she's been brainwashed into killing people by bad writing. Not because she's a woman, that doesn't really stop him from dealing with evil. But because, for one, she's practically a child compared to him age-wise. Two, he'd obviously know beforehand of her capabilities and how futile it would be to fight or even provoke her. And three, the Shadow's whole thing is knowing. The Shadow Knows and all that. Knowing comes with understanding.

He'd understand very quickly that there is no way someone this young could grow so quickly into the world's greatest fighter without horrific treatment that no one should ever be subjected to. He'd see the movements too practiced and quick, the self-control, the strength and speed far beyond even the trained warriors he's seen, the places where she's been scarred and is good at covering it up. Assuming he doesn't already know about her life story, any meeting between the two would lead to him very quickly figuring out that there's something much deeper about her opposition to killing than just moral reservations, something deeper than Bruce's own gun trauma.

Denny O'Neil's 2nd Batman and Shadow story was about The Shadow secretly helping Bruce overcome gun trauma, and Bruce rejecting The Shadow's intentions to hand him a gun. And to make it clear, people tend to assume that The Shadow only helps people for utilitarian reasons, which is not true as I've tried to demonstrate many times now. I don't want to convey that he would want to help Cass overcome her trauma just so she could be more efficient or something, absolutely no, he'd help her because he helps people in any way he can. I think a story with The Shadow and Cass might involve a similar premise, The Shadow understanding that she has been traumatized very deeply by death and refuses to accept it on any terms, trying to help her overcome it, only to learn that she does not want to "learn" anything she doesn't already know, that she has weaponized her trauma into a source of strength, and wishes nothing more than to help others with it.

And here's where we get to the part that allows the two to be on less antagonistic terms, because one thing that also very strongly defines Cass, at least the Cass I like reading most, is her stubborn, almost desperate need to believe in the best of people, that people can and will change for the better. Like The Shadow, her strength too is knowing, it's perception, the things that she knows about people that words cannot convey. Just as there are many things The Shadow would grow to understand about her that others would not, there would be many things that The Shadow would not be able to conceal from her. Things that no one but her would figure out. Things that, despite her age and lack of experience compared to him, he would have to defer to her knowledge on, which reverses the usual dynamic The Shadow has with people. And perhaps one aspect of that reversal, it's that maybe it's she who winds up secretly manipulating The Shadow into overcoming a deeper issue.

Cass's perspective on killing is shaped not just through trauma, but from a painfully intimate understanding of not just what happens to someone at the time of death, but the cost of murder upon the human soul, the ways it warps people into things they never should have been. Killing is a deeply, deeply serious matter, much more so than fiction seems ever willing to go into. Of course we suspend disbelief for fiction, there's nothing wrong with that, but if a story starts asking questions, starts poking holes into fantasies, they should not be disregarded.

And so it begs a question: How has it affected The Shadow? Is he really as remorseless as he appears to be? Is the fact that he's only killing evil people really of that much use? What's the cost of living as someone who has to know so much about so much evil in so many hearts? Knowledge never comes without price, and knowing evil is his tagline. When he enlists Harry Vincent, he makes it very clear that he has lost lives as he has saved them. From when is that regret coming from? What lives did he lose then? Is he saving people by damning his soul or merely prolonging the inevitable by piling corpses on another end of the scale?

If there's a character that could meaningfully start bringing these questions forth, who could ever truly get The Shadow to stop and reveal things to the audience he never would otherwise, maybe Cass could be that character. A girl who was raised to be a monster, who is treated as a monster and an aberration in-universe (and even outside of it), and turned that into a strength she uses to help others, who cares about everyone and refuses to let others be dehumanized as she was. Who better to know what lurks in the Shadow's heart?

Sometimes when I get an ask, I bullshit my way through infodump walls of text until I can structure it into something vaguely resembling a point. And sometimes, and I know it sounds crazy, but sometimes I get a very, very clear word on my mind related to it before I start writing, that almost seems to be a beacon pointing where I need to get to, and I work my way into getting there. Once you sent me an ask about crossing over The Shadow with Cassandra Cain, the word that came to mind the very second was Language.

It's an interesting relation the two have with language. Language is of course a very substantial part of Cass's character, who does not process language and linguistic development the way most people do, and instead reads body language to the point of superpower. Many stories revolve around Cass's relation to the concept of language, the help she may require from others in getting around things beyond her upbringing, and ways in which she has mastered beyond anyone's scope. Though she is mute, language is her power, what makes her what she is, and she is someone that Batman freely admits could kick his ass if she ever felt like it.

For The Shadow, language is also his power. He speaks all languages and connects allies all over the world, he is an expert ventriloquist, he is able to project his voice beyond what's physically possible, he can imitate voices perfectly to the point of being able to conduct group conversations single-handedly well enough to fool even the people whose voices he's imitating, much of his presence and terror and manipulation are done through his voice, arguably the very reason he exists in the first place is entirely because a radio actor's voice performance was so good and captivating that it tricked people into thinking the character was a real star and not just a glorified narrator. The man you cannot see, but only hear, the perfect hero for radio. And then of course the laugh, which I have a whole separate post on and which, in many ways, acts as a substitute for language in the novels. He uses the laugh so often as a substitute for statements or words, even to himself, that it's pretty much his own personal language. And language is at the core of how he deals with people, as he knows the right language to use to manipulate and move and help them. He knows what to promise, what to reveal, what to omit. He knows what to say, how to say it, when to say it. Language is the strings by which he puppeteers the world around him (and he can talk to animals, at least of one kind).

The Shadow and Cassandra Cain have mastered two different types of Language as throughly as anyone can possibly master them. The Shadow can talk a group of hardened criminals into killing themselves, Cassandra can punch a heart into stopping without killing it. The Shadow echoes his voice "through everywhere and nowhere at once" to whip crowds of thugs into frenzies, Cassandra outraces missiles and was tanking bullets as a child. The Shadow can lie and usurp lives so masterfully to fool even the families of those he's passing off as, Cassandra is a living lie detector who gleams inner conversations from miniscule reactions. The Shadow can speak every language known, Cassandra is the greatest master of the world's most universal language other than music. The two are supposedly human, but every now and then, something comes along to call that into question because of the things they can achieve. They cannot hide secrets from each other the way they do to everyone else. They are driven by a deep desire to help others, to make something out of the circumstances of their lives. To weaponize that which dictates they should be evil and monstrous into a relentless force of good.

Language is the root of understanding. And if nothing else, as impossible as a conciliation of their approaches to crimefighting may be, I think there could be an unique understanding between the two. Perhaps, and this is a bit crazier a concept but one that seems to be where I might have been heading towards all along, even Cassandra Cain finding a calling away from the frayed dynamics of the Batfamily, away from the Bat's looming presence, to become The Shadow's successor, swearing to uphold a mission of justice through non-lethal tactics while he stays on the backseat guiding her. If The Shadow could trust the safety of his agents and the protection of the innocent at the hands of someone as capable and selfless and good-natured as Cassandra, I think he'd be all too happy to be able to trust someone in such a manner, to no longer be the Master of Darkness, but instead to serve the next generation that's weaponized darkness without submerging in it. To achieve, and perhaps return, to his strongest, highest self: A disembodied voice heard, but not seen. Once again the narrator, not the star.

It's a concept I've thought about very extensively for the years I've been a Shadow fan, but now it occurs to me that, if I had to appoint a successor of The Shadow, someone who could take up the mission but shine on their own right, even improve it with the right guidance and circumstances, it would be Cassandra Cain. The Orphan, The Shadow of the Batgirl. Daughter of the greatest assassins, meant to be the world's most lethal murderer, instead pivoted to being one of it's greatest heroes, but never allowed to shine as she should. But in the darker, less restrictive and wilder world of pulp heroes, in The Shadow's world, a beacon would shine all the harder. Perfect strengths attached to perfect opposites, joined together for a greater good, unstoppable after together having weaponized that which most take for granted: the power of language to move worlds.

[thebritcrit]

Tangled:The Series Season 3 - My Ideas for Extra Episodes

For unknown reasons, the third season of Tangled:The Series/Rapunzel’s Tangled Adventure was the shortest. If you count the tentpoles as multiple episodes, the third season had two episodes less than the second. If you DON’T count the tentpoles as multiple episodes, it was FOUR episodes shorter than the first two. Whether this was a deliberate decision or the result of Disney trying to bring the series to its conclusion a little sooner, it really didn’t help the third season in its struggle to live up to the expectations generated by the first two. If the team had fought for extra episodes, these could have been used to improve a few frustrating flaws. This is what I would have done with three extra episodes.

1. Ditch the “convincing Eugene not to give up on Cassandra” elements from “No Time Like The Past” and move those to another episode where they would be less problematic.  Rapunzel convincing Eugene to support her mission is vital to the third season arc, but the way it is handled in “No Time Like the Past” is the most criticised part of that episode, because it feels like Rapunzel using magical manipulation to FORCE Eugene to see things her way. Instead, that episode should have featured a different source of conflict (leaving us with the core idea of Rapunzel gaining an insight into Eugene’s past via time travel), and the disagreement between Rapunzel and Eugene should have been given a different episode. Maybe they come up against Lady Caine or Stalyan, and Eugene recognises the value of Rapunzel’s redemptive strategy. Maybe they have to deal with Cassandra directly or indirectly, and she chooses to do the right thing for once, instead of sliding further into villainy at the end of the 25 minutes. Just give us something that allows Eugene to CHOOSE to join the fight to redeem Cassandra of his own accord, and add a little nuance to the season’s primary message. Trying to help a fallen friend is not a bad thing in and of itself, but needs to be done carefully..

2. A Brotherhood-centric episode, which would give them something to do in the season and explore their personality conflicts a bit more - Hector and Adira now being on the same side is a pretty big deal for them, and there should be SOME commentary on it. It could also explain why Cassandra wanted the Mind-Trap beyond “forcing the strongest warriors on the show to be my henchmen”, and answer a few questions about her tactics. Did she specifically target Adira and Hector due to her resentment of them? Why didn’t her hypnosis of Quirin and Edmund take effect until later? Does she recognise the gravity of this misdeed, or is she too focused on her revenge to care?

3. A Lance-centric episode. He is the only member of the core team not to get a spotlight episode of his own (Even Hook Foot had two!) and really deserved one. It would have shone a light on his character development and relationship with Keira and Caitlina...

I doubt these would changes win over the critics TOO much. Many of the complaints about the season are based on episode-by-episode issues (Cassandra’s inconsistency as a villain) and problems baked into the overall arc (The suspension of disbelief required to accept Gothel would give birth to a child) but a couple of further episodes could have allowed the creative team to explore underdeveloped aspects, and any improvement is worthwhile. The third season is “good enough”, but it should have been GREAT...

[glassprism]

You've been getting a ton of questions lately lol but I've been following your blog 5ever and it was cool to read about your "side obsessions" since I share some of those too! To break up the Phantom content a little bit, what are your Batman opinions? Fav adaptation? Ship? Villain? Etc?

Oh boy, a Batman question!

Opinions, opinions, are these controversial opinions? I haven’t been in the fandom in so long I don’t know what’s unpopular anymore. Um... the pre-New 52 is what I read when I started the comics and that’s what I’m sticking to, I read bits of the New 52 and disliked lots of it. I like Batman on his own, but when he’s with other members of the Bat-family in their solo series, I often feel inclined to punch him. Cassandra Cain is my favorite character, followed closely by Stephanie Brown and Tim Drake. The Joker is great but I’m so thoroughly tired of him. I prefer Jason/Tim (Jaytim) over Dick/Jason (Jaydick). I have never watched the animated series; yes, I know I should. The Dark Knight is objectively the better movie, but emotionally I prefer The Dark Knight Rises. Arkham Origins is not that bad. I’m sure the Riddler is a fine villain in the comics, but my strongest association is his Arkham game equivalent forcing me to collect hundreds of trophies while taunting me every few feet, and I’m pretty sure I hate him now. The other DC characters look and sound great, but I really only care about the Batfam and any crossover series with the Super-family or whatever bore me. I think that covers it?

Favorite adaptations would probably be: Batman Returns (kept all the good aspects of the first Batman but added in great new characters), The Dark Knight Rises (I really did like the new villains and the way it expanded the world of Nolan!Batman), and, if it counts, the Arkham game series (dark, gritty well-made games with their own takes on the characters that sometimes weave close to the comics and animated universe and sometimes heads in their own direction). Oh wait, and also Under the Red Hood (distills and simplifies the Jason Todd resurrection arc while keeping all the right emotional beats; actually made me tear up at the end).

Favorite ships: I need to figure out the ship names for some of these, but uh... definitely mentioned Jaytim (Jason Todd and Tim Drake), above, but also BatCat (Batman/Catwoman) and simultaneously Batman/Talia (for the most part, more recent issues made her into pretty much a villain in her own right), Barbara/Dick (and not Bruce/Barbara, not Barbara/Tim, ahem Arkham games), Tim/Stephanie. From The Dark Knight Rises, Bane/Talia (God I shipped these two so hard after the movie); from the Arkham games, Jason Todd / therapy.

Favorite villains: I really do like Bane, both comics and in film. I read the Secret Six series, which I had absolutely no interest in, solely to watch him bond with a young woman. And while her villain status varies, I do love Talia al Ghul. And from the Arkham game series, the Arkham Knight aka Jason Todd just hit all my buttons for woobie destroyer of world characters.

[smokeybrandreviews]

Smokey brand Movie Reviews: Anger Issues

First proper movie of the year, and it’s Birds of Prey and the Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn. Look, the DCEU is a dumpster fire, so much so that the WB has basically given up on it. They’ve started doing stand alone films as a way to recuperate their image and it’s kind of working. Shazam was fun as f*ck and Joker is rightfully getting so much buzz, it’s ridiculous. Even Aquaman was decent once it was released from the grimdark Snyder vision. Birds of Prey is not that. It is, at it’s core, a DCEU film. This thing might as well be called Suicide Squad but with chicks. It’s that ridiculous. But is it as bad as that? Let’s get into it.

The Great

The very best thing about this movie is f*cking Huntress. Bro, i LOVED Helena Bertinelli in this movie! Mary Elizabeth Winstead owned this part, one hundred percent! She was the MVP of this whole goddamn sh*t show but she sure as f*ck ain’t get MVP minutes! Huntress is in this thing for a grand total of ten minutes, man. It might be more, it might be less, but it definitely ain’t enough because she has NO time to shine! What little she gets, though, she kills! Talk about burying the lead, man. I understand that certain cuts needed to made in order to give the top-biller in Harley the god shots, but f*ck, dude. You can’t tease me with so much awesome and then just snatch it all away! F*ck you for that, movie. F*ck You!

The Good

This thing was cast incredibly well. I was on the fence with some of the announcements during development, but it came together nicely. There aren’t many weak performances and, overall, you can tell that everyone was having fun. There’s a lot of great chemistry among this group and i can see myself giving a proper BoP sequel a chance.

Margot Robbie is Harley Quinn. She embodies this chick like Ryan Reynolds embodies Deadpool, for the most part. She was my first pick going into SKWAD and it felt right seeing her in those hot pants. There were some issues i had with that character, mostly the vanishing accent, but she’s gotten much better since then an that growth shows here. It’s unfortunate that her character doesn’t grow in this two hour run time, especially considering how much time Harley gets onscreen.

Jurnee Smollet-Bell is probably the best Dinah Lance we’re going to get for a while. he was surprisingly adept at the part, even if everyone is butt-hurt that she was race-bent. Her Canary Cry was absolute sh*t but that was more the effects fault. Them sh*ts is cheap! Jurnee did a fantastic job as Black Canary and i wasn’t even mad she wasn’t rocking the fishnets while doing it. She kicks high.

Rosie Perez was an interesting choice for Renee Montoya but i knew she could be fantastic in the role if they gave her room to breathe. Perez could have brought that Puerto Rican heat to the role, and she did a few times, but not enough to make an impression. Again, that’s because this ain’t a Birds of Prey vehicle so all of the Birds had to kind of curtail their time in the camera, and overall character development, in order to make sure Harley got her face time with the audience. It’s kind of f*cked up and makes the movie less for it.

Black Mask was a goddamn spectacle! He’s smarmy, and arrogant, and flamboyant, and campy, and generally just brilliant. He’s one of the best villains of the DCEU, which ain’t saying much, but i can say just SO much about Ewan McGregor’s performance as Roman Sionis. His mask is stupid though. And he’s definitely Black Mask in name only. Still, for what this version is, McGregor delivers. If you’re curious what a closer interpretation of the comic character can be, check out Batman: Under The Red Hood. That’s a far more accurate representation of what Sidonis is supposed to be but I’m not mad what we got here.

Chris Messina as Victor Zsasz is okay. In the book, he’s out of his mine and ludicrously violent. Like, textbook psychopath crazy. In this, he’s still pretty f*cking nuts but he’s also wildly jealous and crazy possessive? I think that’s because of the insinuated relationship between he and Black Mask but you gotta read real heavy into that relationship to even broach that subject. Like, I‘m reaching with that statement but, for the most part, Messina does an admirable job of bringing this character to life.

The action scenes, outside of the awesome that is Huntress, is the real draw of this movie. Harley’s story is cliche and the Birds don’t get much time to develop so they’re kind of inconsequential but the action is superb. It’s, legit, John Wick levels of awesome most of the time. There is a lot of buzz about that jailhouse scene and it’s totally worth all the talk. That motherf*cker was spectacular!

The art direction is pretty amazing in here. This looks like how i think SKWAD wanted to look, but couldn’t because of Snyder grimdark nonsense. Like, if that trailer house had full reign to actually film that movie, BoP is what we might have gotten and it is a much better look for the type of movie these things are. Certain sets, like the funhouse and Sinonis’ club were awesome and the little flairs for characters were on point. The confetti beanbags were absolutely genius!

I would be remiss if i didn’t mention the costumes. Harley had a ton of costume changes, so much so a character mentions it in the middle of a fight, but i wasn’t mad. They all reflect her character and Margot Robbie is a helluva a Barbie to play dress-up with but so was Black Mask apparently. He had almost as many costume changes as Quinn and they were all amazing. I liked what they had Canary in, even if it wasn’t comic accurate and i absolutely adored what Huntress rocked in the beginning. All in all, pretty legit costuming, i must say.

Another one where the sound design is worth mentioning. The direction didn’t elevate this assblast of a movie but the sound design sure as sh*t did. There are a ton of punctuating songs and effects that give otherwise flaccid scenes, that extra Viagra boost to get them rock hard! It’s amazing what music can do for anything really. Throw a dope ass soundtrack behind constipation and you have a serenade that eases things up to drop that deuce. I say that because that’s how it feels watching this goddamn movie.

The Meh

Ella Jay Basco is probably the weakest part of this movie. She does an admirable job as Cassandra Cain for being so young but there are certain instance where you can tell this is her first big gig. She isn’t terrible by any means, there aren’t any terrible performances at all in this thing, but she was easily the weakest of the lot.

The liberties taken with the characters in this movie are interesting. I’m curious as to see where this version of Gotham can go and what these particular interpretations of such iconic Bat-Characters can go. I don’t think they are great as a direct representations, f*cking Cassandra Cain is a particular sore spot for me because i adore her in the books, but i can give her chance. I can give all of these characters a chance. I rather adored this version of Huntress. Ma might be my favorite one! Well, almost. I’m pretty partial to Helena Wayne but i digress. While i don’t particularly care for how these awesome women are represented in this flick, i can see the potential. There is a unique vision here that is worth seeing through.

The writing is so-so. I can’t say it’s bad because there is a lot of good in there, tons of interesting ideas, but the execution is real poor. Most of these scenes feel like, on paper, they were dope as f*ck. On screen, though? Just underwhelming. It’s like they couldn’t translate what they wanted or needed to film for one reason or another. I feel like that might have more to do with the direction, I’m getting to that, but the core of a flick is the writing. If you’re script ain’t on point, you’re movie can’t be and i can see how dull them pages were to begin with.

The direction in this thing is mediocre. Cathy Yan did a “meh” job with this thing. A lot of that might have been due to the script but a great director can elevate straight schlock. Look at James Cameron. Avatar is an ass of a film that rips of f*cking Ferngully but his vision got it Oscars and the number one, highest grossing, spot on the all-time list until Endgame murdered that sh*t. Yan did not elevate this schlock. They had to go back to reshoots and have Chad Stahleski touch up some stuff. Like, the best parts of this thing, the action scenes, weren’t even directed by Yan. I mean, they were at first, but this thing got screened by the execs ad all of that sh*t was tossed out. Stahleski made them things pop! No telling what else he touched up, or f*cked up, on his way out.

The Bad

This is not a Birds of Prey movie. This is a Harley Quinn vehicle with a Birds of Prey cameo. I can see what they wanted to do with this thing, backdoor origin story for one of Batman’s strongest supplementary teams, but with no Barbara Gordon as Oracle, it feels hollow. Especially considering that the Birds, themselves, have next to no screen time. I get that Harley is the money maker but this should have been a Gotham City Sirens film.

The continuity of this sh*t is dubious. It takes place in the old DCEU. It’s legit a sequel to Suicide Squad. Harley references that sh*t twice. I don’t know what that means going forward, but this Gotham ain’t that Gotham at all. It’s weird to see because you spend a good amount of time within the GCPD and no Bullock or Gordon; The latter of which we’ve seen already. It’s awkward the way WB has decided to play fast and loose with what sticks and what doesn’t. Joker is a stand alone and so is Shazam. The Batman is going to be a stand alone or it’s own franchise. Aquaman and Wondy are still in the DCEU continuity but i don’t know how long they will be, especially considering Wonder Woman’s solos are all prequels that have no ties to that Snyder depression exercise. It’s nothing to just pluck her out and add her to a much better executed cinematic universe. With Flashpoint all but confirmed, It feels like none of this matters. This one, for sure, doesn’t.

The plot is still stupid. The McGuffin is better since the reshoots because dick pics? Really? But the writing is still stupid. The whole center of the conflict is ridiculous and the resolution is just blergh.

The only thing worse than the plot is the pacing. This motherf*cker drags! There are entire scenes where nothing f*cking happens and it’s stupid. Most of the time, it’s the scenes with Harley. Her arc is just so f*cking pedestrian. It’s well acted, i said as much above, but it’s SO dumb and i kind of hate it.

This movie really hates dudes. Like, i get it, right? Respect. Recognition. Women deserve all of everything. Equality, feminism, yadda-yadda. I get it. There are ways to execute that perspective which are good. A decent writer would convey that by actually writing decent scenes, not just turning all of the men in the film into juvenile caricatures of chauvinism. I personally don’t care, I’m not a neckbeard typing with one hand while breathing heavily on my monitor in my ma’s basement, but i had to mention it because everyone is mentioning it and they have a point. This is glorified misandry at it’s finest but, you know, patriarchy or whatever. I don’t care. It didn’t take me out of the movie, the sh*tty plot did that, but it was interesting to see in person. It’s hard to justify this bullsh*t when Atomic Blonde exists.

So the gay-baiting. Like, really, dude? If you’re going to do it, go all the way. I read somewhere that Black Mask was supposed to have a homosexual relationship with Victor Zsasz but nah. None of that is expressed in any capacity. There might have been a line referencing it, maybe, but that could have been in regards to the violent outburst in the club the night before. Ambiguous because you gotta sell this thing in China! Renee Montoya is legit gay in the books and, other than a passing line early on, it never comes up again. I think that might be because of the distinct lack of characterization for literally all the Birds in their own f*cking movie, but still. That’s massive part of her character and no one talks about it. No one talks about any of the LBGTQ bullsh*t they pushed in the promotion.

All of this controversy does this flick a disservice. It doesn’t deserve all the hate it’s getting and it definitely doesn’t deserve all of the praise. This is not some super “GRRRL power”, kickass, gay-loving, action flick. It’s a mediocre break-up story that happens to have some interesting action set pieces but, ultimately, is inconsequential in the greater scheme of things. This is the Ant-Man of the DCEU. I spoke about this at length a few days ago and the nonsense that I was afraid was going to happen, is happening. No one wants to sh*t on this flick because of “Muh representation”. It’s a female lead, female directed, piece of sh*t. It is. But it’s a fun piece of sh*t and easily the best, of the worst, of the DCEU but it’s still a piece of sh*t. It’s not changing cinema, it’s not some great step forward in representation, and it’s not doing women in the industry a great service. It’s a quirky, violent, nonsense of a movie and should be judged as such. Again, Atomic Blonde is a much better example of ho to “GRRRL power” your way in the box office. Go watch that instead.

The ending to this thing feels rushed and super anticlimactic. I felt bad about it. Seriously. The way this movie resolves, after everything that took place, is just whack, man. It leaves you wanting, especially after how charismatic Black Mask turned out to be more than that, there’s no resolution. No one grows. Everyone is exactly where they were at the start of this f*cking thing. Like, what was the f*cking point? I can tell they wanted me to think that these chicks had grown into something more but did they really? Did we really see any growth out of any one of them not name Harley? Hell, even Harley is still the same motherf*cker! Like, for real, dude? Someone read that script and thought, “Okey-Dokey, this is good enough!” I just wanted to punch this movie in it’s face when it was over. Like, f*ck you, movie.

The Verdict

Birds of Prey is a bad movie. It’s gorgeous to look at, the costumes are amazing, and most of the performances are super strong. However, the plot is stupid, the pacing is on drugs, and the best parts of this flick get, like, no screen time to breathe. The Birds are guest stars in what, very obviously, is not their movie. This really should have been called “Harley Quinn and The Tiniest Bit of an Origin Story For The Birds of Prey” because that’s what it is. Technically, this should have been Gotham City Sirens to begin with but i ranted about that before. Margot Robbie is bad at picking movies to produce and she definitely produced this one. Got her unfortunate and inexperienced fingerprints all over it. Kind of doesn’t matter what should have been, though, this is what we got and this is a sh*t time, for sure. But, it can be fun at times. There is about as much to like as there is to hate especially if you’re open to being blue-balled when it counts. If that sounds like a party to you, check this thing out. If not, you can pass on it. That’s how meaningless this thing feels.

[magnetoeisenhardt]

Top ten most powerful members of the Batfam

1) Bat-mite

A fifth-dimensional entity, Batmite possesses near unlimited reality warping powers. His name isn't actually Bat-mite; he's just a giant Batman fan.

2) Claire Clover (Gotham Girl)

Claire can use her own life force to gain powers. She could maintain Superman level powers for two years, or God-like powers for two hours. However, she can not gain back the life she spends to power herself, and every expenditure of her abilities push her closer to death.

3) Charlie Gage-Radcliffe (Misfit)

Charlie's powers are strange, even by comic standards. Her character arc was cut short due to Flashpoint, but she was originally supposed to be the lost princess Ruby of Gemworld. She hails from an intensely powerful magical bloodline, but is complete unaware of her origins. As far as she knows, her powers manifest as minorly enhanced strength, and "Bouncing". Charlie can teleport an unlimited amount of distance, carrying an unlimited amount of weight. Any wounds she sustained will instantly heal, and it costs her no energy to do so. More interesting, however, is the fact that anything living she brings with her will instantly die.

This means that she can only be defeated by projectile weapons, as anything that makes contact with her could be teleported away, along with anything connected to it.

Interesting note: I believe Charlie, as a homo-magi, has powers she hasn't yet used. I hypothesize her teleportation is similar to Kurt Wagner's (Marvel's Nightcrawler), and she travels through a parallel dimension. She may be able to tap into and channel this energy for greater use.

4) Basil Karlo (Clayface)

Basil started off as a villain, but was made a member of the Gotham Knights in Detective Comics 2016. He is nearly unkillable, as his body is made entirely of animated clay. There is no organic material to injure. He can manipulate his form to mimic shapeshifting, but his composition will always remain the same. He is an extraordinary actor, and can combine this with his powers to fool almost anyone. He has super strength, and can split himself into multiple forms. However, he has an easily exploitable weakness in temperature. Extreme cold or extreme heat will nullify his powers, and make him brittle, and easy to subdue. Disintegration is the easiest way to kill him, and frost or heat based powers and weapons are fairly common.

Interesting note: The Martian Manhunter is incapable of reading the mind of Eel O'Brian (Plastic Man), as he is made of inorganic material. I believe that Basil has a similar resistance, as well as perhaps an interesting interaction with Charlie. As Basil's body is chemically almost identical to clay, I believe he's one of the few people Charlie could teleport.

However, it is unclear exactly how Charlie's "bouncing" kills. The only time this effect occurs is when we see Lori Zechlin (Black Alice) accidently kill someone while stealing Charlie's powers. The body of her victim exploded. It is never given whether the mind can survive, and, given Charlie's powers are magical in origin, it may not even matter.

5) Cassandra Cain (Batgirl/Orphan

Cass is completely human. However, her unique brain structure gives her the ability to interpret body language as an actual language, granting her a form of precognition. She is able to tell exactly what someone will do, before they do it, making her unbeatable in combat.

She's also the physically strongest and fastest human member of the batfamily, strong enough to punch through steel, and fast enough to dodge bullets after they've been fired. Her strength is only surpassed by Claire and Clayface, and only a Superman level Claire is faster. She ties with Dick Grayson for most gymnastic skill, as she can copy any of his moves. She has complete control over every function of her body. She can stop her heartbeat, speed her healing, and completely deaden pain.

She can perfectly copy any movement, provided the original user has anatomy close to a humans. She has no skill ceiling, and will be able to break her previous records every time. The limits to her strength, speed and skill don't exist.

Interesting note: Her body reading completely negates any form of disguise, including shape shifting. She can read non humanoids to a lesser extent, but not robots. Cass feels extreme empathy towards anybody she's reading, to the point where she will feel their pain as her own. She can read animals, but does not experience any empathy for them.

With her abilities, she can defeat everyone lower on this list combined.

Cass would be able to defeat Charlie in a fight, as the surprise and stealth factor from teleportation would be completely negated. Cass would know where Charlie would teleport before she does it, and could throw a projectile into that area as Charlie bounces into it.

Her abilities do work on Clayface, but she would require either cryo or thermal technology to beat him, giving her no real advantage. While Cass could predict a powered Claire, it doesn't help her defeat someone faster than light and strong enough to bench the earth.

6) Barbara Gordon (Oracle)

If everyone on this list was given access to maximum equipment, Barbara would rank number three. With unlimited access to every piece of technology on earth, she could very easily take over the world, or destroy it. Her photographic memory and extreme intelligence means that she has a plan for every situation, and, unlike Bruce, doesn't need to keep files. There is no opponent she can't outsmart.

However, her ranking falls due to her maximum strength being extremely conditional. Remove her from computers and she is a formidable opponent given light gear, but her paralysis makes her a sitting duck without her wheelchair. She is the fourth strongest on the list, but her fighting style is completely defensive, as Barbara lacks any way to engage a fight, and has to wait for opponent to come to her. She cannot dodge fast moving projectiles, like bullets, or move out of the way of powerful AOE attacks, like explosions, fire, electricity, sonic waves, chemical splashes or falling objects. Her extreme strength is somewhat neutralized by her extreme weakness.

Interesting note: Barbara's wheelchair changes from writer to writer, but at one point it contained a machine gun full of rubber bullets, a mechanical lift platform to go up stairs, grappling hooks, and a portable computer.

Post flashpoint, Barbara has a device in her brain that allows her to walk. However, this version is significantly less powerful, and shares very little with her pre-flashpoint counterpart.

7) Jean-Paul Valley (Azrael)

Azrael is the combined entities of Jean-Paul Valley, his suit's AI, and an actual angel. Jean-Paul himself is not entirely human, as he was created by the Order of Saint Dumas artificially, and had his genome spliced with the DNA of other animals. He has enhanced speed, strength, stamina, metabolism and intelligence.

His abilities are vastly enhanced with the Suit of Sorrows, capable of exceeding Bane. The Suit of Sorrows contains an angel, one who attempts to use the wearer as a host. The longer the suit is worn, the greater the enhancement, and the greater the loss of control. The suit is equipped with two bladed gauntlets; The Sword of Sin, and the Sword of Salvation. The first forces you to relive every bad thing you've done, and the second forces you to relive every bad thing that happened to you.

With suit enhanced strength, he's the third strongest. Without it, he falls behind to sixth. With or without his suit's speed, he comes in third.

Interesting note: With or without his suit, he is the second best fighter on this list. His blades defeat an enemy in a single touch, allowing him to defeat Basil. His superior skill would most likely allow him to get a hit off on Charlie, and his blades would incapacitate her before she could teleport him. Barbara would likely be able to hack and disable his suit, but, in straight combat, she stands no chance. As his blades are magical, there is a high probability they could harm Claire. However, she can power up to a point where she can take him down from range, and eliminate that threat. I have no idea whether they would work on Bat-mite, but Jean-Paul would have little difficulty tricking it and finding out.

8) Helena Wayne (Batman)

The Bat of a world ruled by Darksied, her rogue's gallery is composed entire of alien powerhouses. She faces threats so dangerous, Batman's rouges of Prime Earth are either irrelevant, dead, or her allies. In order to survive on Apokalypse, Bruce Wayne required the Hell Bat suit, a suit so powerful, wearing it kills him. Helena just uses her two fists.

9) Dick Grayson (Nightwing)

Dick's advantage comes from his circus background. He clocks in at the fifth fastest, and ties for most gymnastic skill. He is an extremely skilled fighter, detective and spy. He falls below Helena Wayne, however, because of lack of want. Dick has no desire to pursue his crime fighting career, and hopes to retire. Although he served as Batman as a time, it was out of necessity, and he resented the role he played.

10) Bruce Wayne (Batman)

The first person to wear the mantle of the Bat, Bruce is the third most popular comic book character to ever exist. He has the most years of training under his (utility) belt, and is a highly skilled fighter. He has almost unlimited resources to build gadgets and vehicles, which he utilizes to extreme efficiency.

However, his stats are nothing extraordinary. He manages to scrape ninth strongest member of the batfamily, but is one of the slowest.

Interesting note: Most would grade him higher due to his crippling paranoia. Bruce is famous for coming up with a inane amount of contingency plans, to defeat any opponent. However, these plans are really stupid, and would never work.

His plan to defeat the Flash (Wally West) involves shooting him with a bullet, and having Wally attempt to phase through it instead of dodging. Wally can run seventeen trillion times the speed of light, and is famously terrible at phasing. This plan would fail epically. His plan to defeat Wonder Woman (Diana) also involves shooting her. Even in iterations where Diana isn't bullet proof, it's still impossible to shoot her. Her signature thing is blocking bullets. She can do it blindfolded, and against hundreds of bullets at a time. This is just a bad plan. To defeat Martian Manhunter, he plans to set him on fire. J'onn isn't actually weak to fire, he just suffers from sever psychosomatic pyrophobia. So assuming Batman could somehow ambush a psychic so powerful he's developed precognition, he would still fail.

[trainsinanime]

Violet Evergarden

First things first: This is an anime that is designed to make you cry, and it is in fact very good at that (and also everything else it tries). If you don't want to cry (more), then this is really not the anime for you. Everyone else: Go watch this immediately if you haven't yet.

With that out of the way: I love Violet Evergarden. The main heroine, after whom the anime is named, almost immediately became my favourite fictional postal service employee, even ahead of Moist von Lipwig from Terry Pratchett's "Going Postal" (which is not really similar, except it's also amazing and you should read or watch it).

The story is that of a young girl who was raised as a child soldier, an emotionless living weapon, who got out of that world and must now learn how to be human, deal with emotions and so on. It's a thing that sounds like it's way too specific to be a trope, but it keeps coming up with characters like Seven of Nine, Cassandra Cain or Black Widow. The character who seems in some ways most similar to Violet might be Marvel's Laura Kinney (X-23), specifically during the Marjorie Liu run; there's a similar drive to try and become a real person, and both are highly passionate about what they do but don't really know how to show it. That comparison may just be because I'm also a big of that comic, though.

Usually this involves the girl going from being forced to fight for the bad guys to choosing to fight for the good guys, but this anime has a completely different idea. Violet's active theory is that she becomes a professional letter writer. Each episode is about her interacting with some client, trying to figure out their feelings for who they’re writing their letter to, and putting them to paper - something she becomes very good at even if she's still struggling a lot with her own emotions.

In other words, the point of the show is explicitly to take the strongest emotions humans can feel, and then have a trained professional crank them up to eleven. It's a thing that could easily become corny, clichéd or silly, but here, it works every time. An excellent example is episode ten, where you'll have worked out what the letter will be within sixty seconds of the end of the opening. And you'll be entirely correct. And if you're anything like me, you'll still end up crying a lot.

While this is going on, she also has to deal with the atrocities she committed during the war, but the main focus is really the loss of the one man who was basically her family, all of which adds even more emotion.

For all of this to work, the show very much avoids the, "nah, you'll never be a full human" reaction by others. Exactly one character gets that job. Everyone else seems to think, "that girl over there seems robotic, weird and slightly scary. I want to be her friend!" It's a bit odd if you think about it too much, but in the context of the show, it absolutely works.

One thing that is a bit odd even within the show is that episode 9, after some really negative emotions, has a really great ending that would work perfectly as an ending for the show. But then the show just keeps going for four more episodes, which are also all great, including an ending that is also great. But it almost seems like they first thought they'd only got to do nine episodes and the rest later, and then they got to do the rest right away after all.

Finally, the whole thing is amazingly beautiful. There are sequences where I found myself shouting "now you're just showing off" at my TV. The subtle acting for Violet is also spot-on, and music and voice acting are amazing as well. This is overall easily my favourite anime I watched in the past year or so.

[haloanddclover]

I was tagged by @kuh-boose a couple days ago but have only just decided to use the laptop!

Three fandoms: I’ll go with; Halo, DC aaaaaaaaaand Brooklyn Nine-Nine

First character you loved:

Halo: Well with Halo it was Masterchief. I mean it was never really going to be anyone else but he was the first character in pretty much anything that I loved. Still to this day I love him, but because of so much more. The Halo universe has given me so much hope and saved me from drinking myself to death and it’s all because of John. DC: Well it would have to be Batman because Batman. He’s just so cool and who doesn’t want to be rich enough that they can become a superhero vigilante. B99: I think the first character I loved in B99 was probably Captain Holt. He’s such a stark contrast to the rest of the characters and it’s hilarious especially now seeing his character grow.

Character you never expected to love so much:

Halo: This one’s easy, Kurt-051. When I first started reading the books from the Halo universe it was great. I was learning SO much more about my beloved universe and it was putting so much into a new perspective for me. When I started reading “Ghosts of Oynx” however I was not prepared for how quickly I would come to love Kurt. To this day I still cry at the end of the book and when I heard what Oynx was renamed I burst out in tears (admittedly I was at the end of three night shifts but still). DC: Jason Todd. Purely because my understanding of the DC universe up until when I met my wife was the basics regarding Batman and Superman. Having dived headfirst into the multiverse I am so glad to have learnt about Jason Todd. He is such a wonderful character who deserves so much better in life. B99: I have to say I think I never expected to love Sargent Terry Jeffords as much as I do. Just everything about him is hilarious, down to how stupidly large he is.

Character you relate to the most:

Halo: I think I probably relate to Thomas Lasky the most. He’s just this emotional, sympathetic and dedicated man who is trying to do his best in a world that keeps throwing shit his way, whilst being surrounded by some of the strongest and most talented people in the galaxy. DC: I’m not quite sure who I relate to most from DC, but I think that’s because I’m still learning about it. In part I relate to Roy Harper because of his addiction problems but I don’t see me and him being the same. So I’m not really sure. B99: Probably Jake Peralta/ I’m accepting of everyone except those who do wrong and I want to try and be supportive of everyone but constantly feel like I’m putting my foot in my mouth or actually am putting my foot in my mouth.

Character you’d slap:

Halo: If it’s with no repercussions then probably Margret Parankosky because of all that she’s done in the name of good. If not then probably EX-Captain Andrew Del Rio because he’s a cock-womble. DC: Bruce Wayne because he needs to pull his blindfold off and get some help for his clear as day mental health problems. B99: Madeline Wunch because she’s a sadistic asswipe. 

Three fav characters in order:

Halo: John, Kurt, Kelly DC: Jason, Cassandra Cain, Wonder Woman B99: Captain Holt, Rosa Diaz, Amy Santiago

A Character you liked at first but now don’t:

Halo: Cortana purely because of her character assassination in H5 DC: Hal Jordan because now I know what a twat he is. B99: I have to say someone I suppose but it’s not really like I hate them more like they have a trait that I dislike and that would be Boyle as he’s quite dismissive and judgmental at times, not to mention his constant body shaming of Terry.

OTPs: 

Halo: John/Kelly, Tom/Sarah and Linda/Alice DC: Jason/Rose, Jason/Kyle, Bruce/Selina, Clark/Lois and Damian/Raven B99: Jake/Amy, Raymond/Kevin and Terry/Yoghut

I shall be tagging @spartankitten and @mafiamom, I’d tag more but I don’t really know much about my other mutuals as I’m a fairly crappy blogger! I mean I’m more than happy to get to know you guys as I like making friends but I just get worried about being an ass...

[smokeybrand]

Smokey brand Movie Reviews: Anger Issues

First proper movie of the year, and it’s Birds of Prey and the Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn. Look, the DCEU is a dumpster fire, so much so that the WB has basically given up on it. They’ve started doing stand alone films as a way to recuperate their image and it’s kind of working. Shazam was fun as f*ck and Joker is rightfully getting so much buzz, it’s ridiculous. Even Aquaman was decent once it was released from the grimdark Snyder vision. Birds of Prey is not that. It is, at it’s core, a DCEU film. This thing might as well be called Suicide Squad but with chicks. It’s that ridiculous. But is it as bad as that? Let’s get into it.

The Great

The very best thing about this movie is f*cking Huntress. Bro, i LOVED Helena Bertinelli in this movie! Mary Elizabeth Winstead owned this part, one hundred percent! She was the MVP of this whole goddamn sh*t show but she sure as f*ck ain’t get MVP minutes! Huntress is in this thing for a grand total of ten minutes, man. It might be more, it might be less, but it definitely ain’t enough because she has NO time to shine! What little she gets, though, she kills! Talk about burying the lead, man. I understand that certain cuts needed to made in order to give the top-biller in Harley the god shots, but f*ck, dude. You can’t tease me with so much awesome and then just snatch it all away! F*ck you for that, movie. F*ck You!

The Good

This thing was cast incredibly well. I was on the fence with some of the announcements during development, but it came together nicely. There aren’t many weak performances and, overall, you can tell that everyone was having fun. There’s a lot of great chemistry among this group and i can see myself giving a proper BoP sequel a chance.

Margot Robbie is Harley Quinn. She embodies this chick like Ryan Reynolds embodies Deadpool, for the most part. She was my first pick going into SKWAD and it felt right seeing her in those hot pants. There were some issues i had with that character, mostly the vanishing accent, but she’s gotten much better since then an that growth shows here. It’s unfortunate that her character doesn’t grow in this two hour run time, especially considering how much time Harley gets onscreen.

Jurnee Smollet-Bell is probably the best Dinah Lance we’re going to get for a while. he was surprisingly adept at the part, even if everyone is butt-hurt that she was race-bent. Her Canary Cry was absolute sh*t but that was more the effects fault. Them sh*ts is cheap! Jurnee did a fantastic job as Black Canary and i wasn’t even mad she wasn’t rocking the fishnets while doing it. She kicks high.

Rosie Perez was an interesting choice for Renee Montoya but i knew she could be fantastic in the role if they gave her room to breathe. Perez could have brought that Puerto Rican heat to the role, and she did a few times, but not enough to make an impression. Again, that’s because this ain’t a Birds of Prey vehicle so all of the Birds had to kind of curtail their time in the camera, and overall character development, in order to make sure Harley got her face time with the audience. It’s kind of f*cked up and makes the movie less for it.

Black Mask was a goddamn spectacle! He’s smarmy, and arrogant, and flamboyant, and campy, and generally just brilliant. He’s one of the best villains of the DCEU, which ain’t saying much, but i can say just SO much about Ewan McGregor’s performance as Roman Sionis. His mask is stupid though. And he’s definitely Black Mask in name only. Still, for what this version is, McGregor delivers. If you’re curious what a closer interpretation of the comic character can be, check out Batman: Under The Red Hood. That’s a far more accurate representation of what Sidonis is supposed to be but I’m not mad what we got here.

Chris Messina as Victor Zsasz is okay. In the book, he’s out of his mine and ludicrously violent. Like, textbook psychopath crazy. In this, he’s still pretty f*cking nuts but he’s also wildly jealous and crazy possessive? I think that’s because of the insinuated relationship between he and Black Mask but you gotta read real heavy into that relationship to even broach that subject. Like, I‘m reaching with that statement but, for the most part, Messina does an admirable job of bringing this character to life.

The action scenes, outside of the awesome that is Huntress, is the real draw of this movie. Harley’s story is cliche and the Birds don’t get much time to develop so they’re kind of inconsequential but the action is superb. It’s, legit, John Wick levels of awesome most of the time. There is a lot of buzz about that jailhouse scene and it’s totally worth all the talk. That motherf*cker was spectacular!

The art direction is pretty amazing in here. This looks like how i think SKWAD wanted to look, but couldn’t because of Snyder grimdark nonsense. Like, if that trailer house had full reign to actually film that movie, BoP is what we might have gotten and it is a much better look for the type of movie these things are. Certain sets, like the funhouse and Sinonis’ club were awesome and the little flairs for characters were on point. The confetti beanbags were absolutely genius!

I would be remiss if i didn’t mention the costumes. Harley had a ton of costume changes, so much so a character mentions it in the middle of a fight, but i wasn’t mad. They all reflect her character and Margot Robbie is a helluva a Barbie to play dress-up with but so was Black Mask apparently. He had almost as many costume changes as Quinn and they were all amazing. I liked what they had Canary in, even if it wasn’t comic accurate and i absolutely adored what Huntress rocked in the beginning. All in all, pretty legit costuming, i must say.

Another one where the sound design is worth mentioning. The direction didn’t elevate this assblast of a movie but the sound design sure as sh*t did. There are a ton of punctuating songs and effects that give otherwise flaccid scenes, that extra Viagra boost to get them rock hard! It’s amazing what music can do for anything really. Throw a dope ass soundtrack behind constipation and you have a serenade that eases things up to drop that deuce. I say that because that’s how it feels watching this goddamn movie.

The Meh

Ella Jay Basco is probably the weakest part of this movie. She does an admirable job as Cassandra Cain for being so young but there are certain instance where you can tell this is her first big gig. She isn’t terrible by any means, there aren’t any terrible performances at all in this thing, but she was easily the weakest of the lot.

The liberties taken with the characters in this movie are interesting. I’m curious as to see where this version of Gotham can go and what these particular interpretations of such iconic Bat-Characters can go. I don’t think they are great as a direct representations, f*cking Cassandra Cain is a particular sore spot for me because i adore her in the books, but i can give her chance. I can give all of these characters a chance. I rather adored this version of Huntress. Ma might be my favorite one! Well, almost. I’m pretty partial to Helena Wayne but i digress. While i don’t particularly care for how these awesome women are represented in this flick, i can see the potential. There is a unique vision here that is worth seeing through.

The writing is so-so. I can’t say it’s bad because there is a lot of good in there, tons of interesting ideas, but the execution is real poor. Most of these scenes feel like, on paper, they were dope as f*ck. On screen, though? Just underwhelming. It’s like they couldn’t translate what they wanted or needed to film for one reason or another. I feel like that might have more to do with the direction, I’m getting to that, but the core of a flick is the writing. If you’re script ain’t on point, you’re movie can’t be and i can see how dull them pages were to begin with.

The direction in this thing is mediocre. Cathy Yan did a “meh” job with this thing. A lot of that might have been due to the script but a great director can elevate straight schlock. Look at James Cameron. Avatar is an ass of a film that rips of f*cking Ferngully but his vision got it Oscars and the number one, highest grossing, spot on the all-time list until Endgame murdered that sh*t. Yan did not elevate this schlock. They had to go back to reshoots and have Chad Stahleski touch up some stuff. Like, the best parts of this thing, the action scenes, weren’t even directed by Yan. I mean, they were at first, but this thing got screened by the execs ad all of that sh*t was tossed out. Stahleski made them things pop! No telling what else he touched up, or f*cked up, on his way out.

The Bad

This is not a Birds of Prey movie. This is a Harley Quinn vehicle with a Birds of Prey cameo. I can see what they wanted to do with this thing, backdoor origin story for one of Batman’s strongest supplementary teams, but with no Barbara Gordon as Oracle, it feels hollow. Especially considering that the Birds, themselves, have next to no screen time. I get that Harley is the money maker but this should have been a Gotham City Sirens film.

The continuity of this sh*t is dubious. It takes place in the old DCEU. It’s legit a sequel to Suicide Squad. Harley references that sh*t twice. I don’t know what that means going forward, but this Gotham ain’t that Gotham at all. It’s weird to see because you spend a good amount of time within the GCPD and no Bullock or Gordon; The latter of which we’ve seen already. It’s awkward the way WB has decided to play fast and loose with what sticks and what doesn’t. Joker is a stand alone and so is Shazam. The Batman is going to be a stand alone or it’s own franchise. Aquaman and Wondy are still in the DCEU continuity but i don’t know how long they will be, especially considering Wonder Woman’s solos are all prequels that have no ties to that Snyder depression exercise. It’s nothing to just pluck her out and add her to a much better executed cinematic universe. With Flashpoint all but confirmed, It feels like none of this matters. This one, for sure, doesn’t.

The plot is still stupid. The McGuffin is better since the reshoots because dick pics? Really? But the writing is still stupid. The whole center of the conflict is ridiculous and the resolution is just blergh.

The only thing worse than the plot is the pacing. This motherf*cker drags! There are entire scenes where nothing f*cking happens and it’s stupid. Most of the time, it’s the scenes with Harley. Her arc is just so f*cking pedestrian. It’s well acted, i said as much above, but it’s SO dumb and i kind of hate it.

This movie really hates dudes. Like, i get it, right? Respect. Recognition. Women deserve all of everything. Equality, feminism, yadda-yadda. I get it. There are ways to execute that perspective which are good. A decent writer would convey that by actually writing decent scenes, not just turning all of the men in the film into juvenile caricatures of chauvinism. I personally don’t care, I’m not a neckbeard typing with one hand while breathing heavily on my monitor in my ma’s basement, but i had to mention it because everyone is mentioning it and they have a point. This is glorified misandry at it’s finest but, you know, patriarchy or whatever. I don’t care. It didn’t take me out of the movie, the sh*tty plot did that, but it was interesting to see in person. It’s hard to justify this bullsh*t when Atomic Blonde exists.

So the gay-baiting. Like, really, dude? If you’re going to do it, go all the way. I read somewhere that Black Mask was supposed to have a homosexual relationship with Victor Zsasz but nah. None of that is expressed in any capacity. There might have been a line referencing it, maybe, but that could have been in regards to the violent outburst in the club the night before. Ambiguous because you gotta sell this thing in China! Renee Montoya is legit gay in the books and, other than a passing line early on, it never comes up again. I think that might be because of the distinct lack of characterization for literally all the Birds in their own f*cking movie, but still. That’s massive part of her character and no one talks about it. No one talks about any of the LBGTQ bullsh*t they pushed in the promotion.

All of this controversy does this flick a disservice. It doesn’t deserve all the hate it’s getting and it definitely doesn’t deserve all of the praise. This is not some super “GRRRL power”, kickass, gay-loving, action flick. It’s a mediocre break-up story that happens to have some interesting action set pieces but, ultimately, is inconsequential in the greater scheme of things. This is the Ant-Man of the DCEU. I spoke about this at length a few days ago and the nonsense that I was afraid was going to happen, is happening. No one wants to sh*t on this flick because of “Muh representation”. It’s a female lead, female directed, piece of sh*t. It is. But it’s a fun piece of sh*t and easily the best, of the worst, of the DCEU but it’s still a piece of sh*t. It’s not changing cinema, it’s not some great step forward in representation, and it’s not doing women in the industry a great service. It’s a quirky, violent, nonsense of a movie and should be judged as such. Again, Atomic Blonde is a much better example of ho to “GRRRL power” your way in the box office. Go watch that instead.

The ending to this thing feels rushed and super anticlimactic. I felt bad about it. Seriously. The way this movie resolves, after everything that took place, is just whack, man. It leaves you wanting, especially after how charismatic Black Mask turned out to be more than that, there’s no resolution. No one grows. Everyone is exactly where they were at the start of this f*cking thing. Like, what was the f*cking point? I can tell they wanted me to think that these chicks had grown into something more but did they really? Did we really see any growth out of any one of them not name Harley? Hell, even Harley is still the same motherf*cker! Like, for real, dude? Someone read that script and thought, “Okey-Dokey, this is good enough!” I just wanted to punch this movie in it’s face when it was over. Like, f*ck you, movie.

The Verdict

Birds of Prey is a bad movie. It’s gorgeous to look at, the costumes are amazing, and most of the performances are super strong. However, the plot is stupid, the pacing is on drugs, and the best parts of this flick get, like, no screen time to breathe. The Birds are guest stars in what, very obviously, is not their movie. This really should have been called “Harley Quinn and The Tiniest Bit of an Origin Story For The Birds of Prey” because that’s what it is. Technically, this should have been Gotham City Sirens to begin with but i ranted about that before. Margot Robbie is bad at picking movies to produce and she definitely produced this one. Got her unfortunate and inexperienced fingerprints all over it. Kind of doesn’t matter what should have been, though, this is what we got and this is a sh*t time, for sure. But, it can be fun at times. There is about as much to like as there is to hate especially if you’re open to being blue-balled when it counts. If that sounds like a party to you, check this thing out. If not, you can pass on it. That’s how meaningless this thing feels.

[sweettsubaki]

fuck off Tim Stan

2. TimDrake fans are the new loki fangirls..

3. It’s nota surprise Damian is ranked top 4 in one-on-one fight by King.

It’s about mycomments on this post which comments Tom King’s List ofstrongest Batfam fighters.Tom King’s Tweet was asked about the 10 most skilled Fighters in the Batfam :1. Cassandra 2. Dick 3. Bruce 4. Damian 5. Kate 6. Helena 7. Jason 8. Duke 9.Stephanie 10. Tim

Here arethe comments in question :

Me :he wasn’t trained by her in N52/Rebirth though so isn’t Tom King right on this?

@spacechirrut(The OP): Even if he’s not in the new continuity he still doesn’t rank lower thanstephanie, duke and damian

Me : True enough, I was mostly commenting on the Lady Shiva thing. For N52 I’d gowith him being an olympic level gymnast with similar skills and level toDick+Battraining (even if not for long, still enough that Bat decided to gethim out there). While Steph only started getting proper training recently.Dami, while experienced is still a kid (should be about the same levelconsidering how much of a Mary Sue Damian has been lately) & Duke no realtraining & only experience

So let’sstart answering.

1. I can’tactually answer that, I have no idea who Tim Stan is. I’m gonna suppose thatit’s an insult ? Though for some people being gay is an insult when really,it’s not so I apologize in advance by not being offended at all.

2. Prettymuch every fandom and characters has Loki fangirls, it’s especially true incomics fandoms (like seriously I’ve been in multiple fandoms and it was rarely that bad). I also find it ironic since Damian suffers from this way morethan Tim has in the latest years.Another Ironic thing is I’m talking about N52!Tim whom I despise more than mostof the Batfam at this point since I’m not into megalomaniacs. I don’t like LexLuthor, I don’t see why I’d like N52/Rebirth!Tim Drake. And in addition to that I’m mad about what DC did and is doing, trying to erasehow Pre-N52!Tim was by trying to advertise that N52/Rebirth!Tim is the samecharacter so, considering all this you probably like him more than I do.Let’s not forget that I pretty much called N52/Rebirth!Tim Drake dumbso I have no idea where you got the idea that I was fangirling about him. Ohwait I didn’t, that was on twitter. Basically Tom King said Tim had his smartsand what I put was that N52/Rebirth!Tim was more of a fighter than a thinkerbecause I have yet to see him really think things through. So that one’s on me.Plus I’m a big defender of seeing characters’ faults and qualities whether you like the characters or not, because I can’t stand character bashing. The fact that I can find as many good and bad points in most of the characters I read/watch is enough, I just differentiate between excusing and explaining a character’s behavior which a lot of people don’t appreciate. (I mean you can ask me what flaw Tim has and I can answer you with as many as I can find in Damian or anyone...I made a full post on Tim’s emotional instability)

3. Itactually is. Damian was trained to be an ASSASSIN, you know what assassinsavoid ? One on One fights. And even if he was trained since childhood, Damianstill lived in a sheltered environment.Damian has stealth and if he gets the first blow right then sure he’s prettymuch won. Because that’s the point of an assassin. One on One fights aren’ttheir things and even if he’s obviously gotten better, it’s still not histhing.In N52, Tim has been training as a gymnast to the point of being Olympic levelsince he was a child (we know that he’s been homeschooled all his life in thiscontinuity). Which is why I say that he has a level similar to Dick’s when hewas his age. Then he went through at least 6 months of Bat Training andgenerally went through a little more hardships with the T.T. than Damian did (andwhile they were very very very badly written he did learn a couple of things inthem). So here Tim and Damian have about 3-4 years of difference which means that Timhas a few years on Damian. With Tim having around a few months on Damian as faras real fighting experience goes.Because again, Damian was trained to be an assassin, where the point is to avoid confrontation to get the job donequickly and seamlessly. Damian has speed sure but it isn’t everything.The reason why I call him a Mary Sue is because since N52, authors have had atendency to make it so he had a lot of knowledge (which depending on the authorhe knows how to actually use or not). But being a genius in one or a couple ofareas is already rare, being a genius in a lot of different theoretical fieldsof knowledge however is pretty much impossible, at least at his age, becauseeven if in N52 his origin story is that he was created to be geneticallyperfect, he’s still growing, his brain isn’t fully formed yet.I also found it more interesting back when the intelligence and knowledge he had (before the reboot) was due to having been Bred to be perfect, that it was the result of years of abuse. Itmade him feel more like an actual person who managed to turn his badexperiences into something good. So I’m sorry if I don’t let him off the hook,I consider him a much stronger character if I don’t. It’s also ridiculous thatthe people who usually love his genius are also often the first ones to use the“he was abused” argument to excuse his behavior when both are heavily linked.

As fortheir Pre-reboot selves in general, Tim was on the field for a little more than 1/3 of Damian’slife. By then end of the preboot Damian’s about 11 while Tim’s about 18, theyhave a 6-7 years age difference. That’s more than HALF of Damian’s age. Timstarted his training not long after he turned 13 and for about a year so that’s4 years of experience + 1 of training + A couple of years of learning Karatebefore all that started so his training didn’t start from nothing. Now Damianwas trained for about 7 years + 1 year of experience on the field (before andafter he became Robin) and he was still a very sheltered child…Plus it wasmade canon that Damian beat Tim because he got him by surprise the first timeand the 2nd Tim didn’t try to defend himself. Then when Tim attackedDamian, Tim was winning and finally the third time Damian attacked Tim, Timdefended himself and won. So in the preboot Tim was stronger. Plus, I mean Damian was trained by Talia, Ra’s and some of their bestassassins’ but Tim was trained by a LOT of different people, including but notlimited to, Bruce & Dick obviously, but also Lady Shiva, Cassandra Cain, 2guys in France whose name I can’t remember (well the 1st was RahulLama in Paris but Tim never got further in that training than the healing arts,while the 2nd died before he could teach Tim his best technique, Ithink he was in Marseille and called the Iron Master or something like that, hewas considered as a big enough person in the Martial Art World that Lady Shivatargeted him on purpose). The people he allied himself with also had a tendencyto teach him a few things every time so he ended up learning a lot ofdifferent fighting styles even if it was only a few notions (think of Black Canary, Connor Hawke or even Helena Bertinelli). He also tended toinclude various forms he had just seen (well he trained to be able to do thembut they weren’t taught to him) to his fighting style. Now I don’t doubt that at equal age Damian would win over Tim because then he’dbe the one with more (or equal in N52/Rebirth) experience and he’d have fully formed muscles (brain orotherwise), but this is not the case.

So Damianbeing put before Tim doesn’t make too much sense.

PS: Also in N52 Jason was trained for quite awhile by the Caste or whichever it was called and was fighting since he was akid as well as his bat training so he definitely shouldn’t be after Helena.