#I have normal thoughts about fire emblem

[evostrashbin]

the curse of immortality (spoiler: Kiran is also on this picture 👍)

[hulloitsdani]

What do u think Kiran is

How do u think the order sees kiran

*slowly sits up in my chair*

I think Kiran is a very normal person. This is someone you and I have met before. Be that from the other side of grocery store cashier, waiting in the same elevator, or walking by on a crosswalk. Kiran is a civilian from our world trying to roll with the punches of being warped somewhere completely alien. And you can see it in how they conduct themselves.

I always have a lot of fun writing Kiran’s dialogue because their casual modern speech almost feels like a dialect in comparison to the more formal fantasy tone everyone else speaks with. An “ain’t” will never exit Alfonse’s mouth, you know? And there’s a difference in “Do you have gold?” vs “You got gold?” To me, this gives Kiran an air of unfamiliarity to anyone they interact with. Let’s use Grima as an example, because it doesn’t sound like this grammatical change would make much of difference until Kiran has the audacity to hit Grima with a bro mid sentence. But that’s just how they talk. And as sweet and friendly as they are, there’s always moments like that to remind that no one has the cultural context to fully understand Kiran. Except for the audience, who can realize that Kiran let the customer service voice drop to talk to Grima like he’s an actual person.

And that’s just about how they talk! This view is only emphasized by every other thing about them! They’re a lovable goof, which is normal chill person behavior in the audience’s eyes but feels REALLY ODD to the characters of FE’s medieval fantasy war setting. There is this air of unknown about them that the more socially perceptive will pick up on and will try to come to a conclusion about. Example, I imagine Soren would interpret a lot of this as a dangerous and deeply annoying lack of intelligence from someone he has the displeasure of sharing a tactics table with. Or looping back to the Grima example, he would totally think Kiran has greedy ulterior motives behind that pleasant facade. It takes a lot of work for those types to realize that the discrepancy present isn’t really any of those things. But I also wouldn’t be too surprised if Kiran doesn’t try to directly prove any of those assumptions wrong unless they have to.

Why? Well now it’s time for the implications! Oh how we love the implications.

Because the Summoner is a different story. No one has any fucking clue what that is.

I can tell you what Kiran has pieced together so far. Summoning people from across time and space is apparently not easy. It’s not some school of magical study that some mage could pull off with enough time and research. Trust, Eitri tried. It’s a lot of complex moving parts. For example, the contracts. The contracts Kiran automatically binds their summoned to don’t even compare to the ones Veronica used in book 1. They are far more intense and infinitely harder to break. The only way out of them is if Kiran wills it so. Not even death is an option, because Kiran can come in for the revive. If they had to guess, it’s an older, more completed version of the art. Something lost to time. But no matter the case, Kiran has the ability to take full control of whoever they manage to summon. From a lowly farmer to the divine. And their power only grows.

In a similar vein, if there was any character to canonically see the hud, I think it would be Kiran. It’s genuinely part of their power set. I have previously described Kiran as the party mage until Veronica shows up to be the actual mage, but it would be way more accurate to call them a mystic/seer. They see the map, everyone’s stats, and is doing a fast amount of math to give the combat forecast. Then, upon processing all this information their enemies couldn’t dream of having at their disposal, Kiran can telepathically communicate any change in plans to anyone under contract. Kiran is not inherently some great tactician the moment they touch ground in Askr; they simply can do things no one else can. They’re learning the actual tactics part on the fly. This makes them simultaneously the largest ace up the Order’s sleeve and potentially its biggest liability. If they fall, it could cause a whole system cascade. By that same token, some of the biggest threats the Order has faced are the ones who do their research and rightfully target Kiran.

Now. Thinking critically about all that. That’s downright terrifying. A ridiculous amount of power has been dropped callously into Kiran’s lap and they have to work extremely hard to be moral with it. It’s terrifyingly easy not to be. It would actively take less effort to ‘take the reins’ as it were. But in order to be able to sleep at night ever again, they go the extra mile to not invalidate the will of their summoned. To take over like that. To make a colony of worker bees out of people. Because oh dear god they just summoned a child and the fact that they could easily force them to fight and die for them, only to be revived and do it all over again, is HAUNTING. No. No the Order has an in house orphanage now. This kid is getting adopted and cared for god damnit or Kiran might just pop a blood vessel. And sure that child is going to be a child and there will never be a world where they get along with everyone else, but that’s just going to need be a problem they address when they get there and not an excuse to use Hubris; the power set. Now replace the word child with everyone they ever summoned and you have the wider philosophy they apply to the entire Order.

They’re hyper aware of the power imbalance. They hate it with every bone in their body. They work really hard to correct it in whatever way they can.

So Kiran might not jump on the opportunity to correct those who think lesser of them. It’s… oddly comforting to know someone is keeping a critical eye on them. Holding them accountable. Especially since so much of the order just thinks of them as this quirky yet well meaning host. And, really, what can they even do about that? They have gone over the contract with every hero they summon and despite that they still choose to stay. So, what, do they try to inspire more mistrust? The problem with that they would have to actually do acts that intentionally inspire mistrust. And even if that was successful they can’t just waste the extra man power because every other month there’s some new divine asshole who wants them all dead. And if they fail that means they have to start their life from square one and god they can’t do that again so—

Just breathe Kiran.

It’s fine. You’re fine. Just breathe.

You have work to do.

[moe-broey]

Felt. Compelled (to take a break and revisit some sketches 🫡)

The second pic is an older sketch, the rest are all part of the same sketchdump! And. I think it shows. How resting is always on my mind w them LMFAOO the curled up poses are damn near identical........ 🧍

[mikittalabs]

ivy grew up in a castle of treachery and backstabbing and she is scared of ghosts. elusia's court was filled with lies and deceit, and at any moment someone could be killed or harmed for political gain. ghosts are known for being vengeful and potentially harmful and you can't see them and you don't know if one's around until it's too late.

[iturbide]

Don't forget to make sure the Dimitris aren't watching the trial or else we'll have a mass freakout!

I don't think we'll have to worry too much about a freak-out -- the older Dimitris already know about the Flame Emperor's true identity, and the younger ones...it probably depends on their emotional state at the time.

I really got the impression while playing through the Blue Lions' Academy Phase that Dimitri snapped in large part because his mental health has been in decline throughout the entire academy year, and it was getting markedly worse in the months before that revelation. He entered Garreg Mach with the weight of the Kingdom resting on his shoulders, simultaneously pushed by his people to ascend the throne and replace his uncle (who was a godsawful regent) and stymied by the laws of his own land which state he can't claim that birthright until he's 18. He had to stand by, unable to help in any meaningful way, while his friends and classmates go through effective hell: Ashe was forced to take part in the murder of his father figure, Sylvain to bear witness as his estranged elder brother transformed into a monster before his very eyes. He's seen the perpetrators of the Tragedy at Duscur once again, and believes that no one will listen, just as they ignored him in the immediate aftermath. Dimitri has no real support network: he's trying to be an island, trying to hold up everyone else, but his foundations have always been shaky, and as events keep spiraling out of control they just crumble more and more.

And it really comes to a head at the Holy Tomb. The revelation that Edelgard is the Flame Emperor was what finally broke him, because he had already been teetering on the knife's edge: it would only have taken one more little push to finally sent him over, but that was more like a drop kick.

So honestly, if Dimitri's doing well enough, I don't think there would be so much risk of a freakout. Shock, of course, horror and betrayal to be sure...but a heck of a lot less skull crushing.

[godmodebeginswithlesbians]

ive seen some posts like "xenologue!alcryst is the opposite of canon!alcryst but xenologue!céline is just normal céline but Extreme" but like. i dont think thats whays goin on here exactly

like, lets look at céline, yeah? her canon! character traits are, like, most prominently is her kindness, followed by her devotion to her people, followed by the least shown one, which would be how she's willing to do just about anything to protect her people.

now lests look at alcryst. most notable: his imposter syndrome and utter self hatred, his love/caring/admiration/whatever the word im looking for is for people, specifically his family (esp diamant) (to the point where its his personal skill), and finally, barely shown, he is shown to be... maybe not like full on bloodthirsty but like yknow? (thinking mainly about how he ends up threatening ivy in the chapter 11 post battle talk) (also about how luna (negates/ignore's half of foe's defense and resistance) is a skill locked to him) (probably as a counterpart to sol (which is locked to diamant), but oddly fitting)

in both cases, the second trait at least a little bit informs the first and the third, yeah? so to me it looks like the scale has been reversed, really, rather than their xenologue counterparts being their opposites. like, theey are, but like on the same sliding scale or smth yknow?

[deerlisteners]

yknow the moment when a character is just existing normally & then suddenly they stop and realize that they’re actually truly happy for the first time in ages.. that shit makes me tear my hair out fr like ppl finding happiness again no matter what bc it DOES get better

[thepersonperson]

I can't believe it's genuinely canon that Geto was jealous of Sukuna being the one to fill up Gojo.

I know Gojo reassured him but we saw he thought of Toji as the last person who satisfied him. No wonder Geto ended up on a crusade against no cursed energy monkeys.

Geto's insecurity with his place in Gojo's life really was his downfall. (On top of not having access to Karl Marx.) He kind of just assumed that Gojo being in a league of his own after awakening meant they could never be together as The Strongest duo.

That insecurity was so pervasive he initiated their break up by objectifying Gojo for his strength. And he later assumed Gojo stopped loving him too.

But you might be onto something with Geto's jealousy starting with Toji. Though he didn't see Gojo awaken (which was essentially "la petite mort" or the little death), Geto was around to hear Gojo call Toji アンタ (Anta). And that particular usage of Anta was really weird.

(Yeah this is one of those asks that poked my neuroses in just the right way.)

-Content Warning: Brief discussion of teenage sexuality.

-Mangareader(.)to for the raws.

-TCBscans for everything but Vol 0.

(Click images for captions/citations.)

Gojo's You Pronouns

I kind of lost my mind over Sukuna's you pronoun usage if you want to know why this kind of thing matters to me. Thankfully, Gojo's you pronoun usage is much more straightforward. Which is why the use of Anta for Toji sticks out a lot.

Gojo usually uses オマエ (Omae—masculine, informal, between peers or to look down on the addressee) for absolutely everyone. Friends, enemies? Doesn't matter, he's using Omae. It's either that, 君 (Kimi—affectionate towards juniors) with his students, or he avoids using you pronouns to be polite. He has only deviated from this pattern with two people—Uraume with てまえ (Temee—hostile and offensive), and Anta with Toji.

Anta is a contraction of あなた (Anata) and both are used in the exact same way. It's an informal you mostly used by people learning Japanese since normal use suggests a familiar and casual relationship with the addressee. That can be rude depending on the context. In the context of love, it's a romantic thing, colloquially called the wife pronoun as its often used by a wife to her husband. The only real difference between Anta and Anata is the indication of class. As a contraction, Anta is seen as more low class/uneducated than Anata.

So what did Gojo mean by his use of Anta with Toji?

Since Anta can indicate the speaker is casual/friendly, uneducated, or flirting, we'll have to infer what Gojo meant with context. Sometimes, it's easier to look at how other characters use this pronoun to get an idea.

For example, Hanami uses Anata for everyone which is why there's nothing flirtatious about them using it. This is just how they talk in general and they aren't singling anyone out in a special way.

A male character who uses Anta for most people in the way Hanami uses Anata is Ike from Fire Emblem. (I'm so sorry this is the only guy I can think of using this as a default you pronoun and he's from a completely different series.)

Ike uses Ore (masculine, informal) as his personal pronoun and he was raised as a mercenary with no formal education, so the Anta in context is more of him being from the lower class and casual. Anta is also less masculine than Omae, so this is also gives Ike that soft edge to his roughness that everyone loves him for. When he uses Anta while speaking to nobles in Path of Radiance Ch 14, they find it extremely offensive and get pissed because they perceive it as him not showing enough respect. (And he does call them out for being dickholes using Anta which makes them even angrier.)

If I recall correctly, (sorry I only really remember Zelgius and Sephiran's pronouns because it subtly confirms them a queer couple), Ike uses Omae (or Temee? The fudging accessible JP transcript went poof.) for the Black Knight and no one else. The Black Knight killed his father and Ike hates him for this. This Omae is not friendly, it's hostile.

I use this example because it shows how for one character these pronouns mean one thing and other characters it the polar opposite. Gojo uses Omae to be friendly, Ike uses Omae to be hostile. Ike uses Anta to be friendly, Gojo uses Anta to...

I don't know.

I don't know why Gojo uses Anta for Toji. It's really fudging odd and he never uses it again or for anyone else. Gojo for Toji uses Anta then Omae then Anta.

First it's confusion over being stabbed. I think in this context it means more of "hey there, buddy" in the way someone might try to talk down an aggressive person by trying to be chummy.

At the time, it probably told Geto something was really wrong because Gojo never uses that pronoun.

The Omae he swaps to is normal Gojo usage. He explains how Toji screwed up with killing him in the way he's been talking at all the assassins that came after Riko.

But internally? Toji remains Anta. This is weird since Gojo usually just sticks to Omae or some kind of nomer when he doesn't know people's names.

Leading up to this internal monologue, Gojo is not angry. He's extremely zen. So much so that he apologizes to Riko for not being upset she was just murdered. This makes me think the Anta isn’t meant to be disparaging.

Anta has always been less harsh than Omae in comparison. It can imply a distance between the speaker and addressee or it can suggest they're very close.

I can't tell if Gojo is trying to express a unique kinship he feels with Toji or if he's putting Toji on a pedestal of strength he idolizes and considers himself separate from. Perhaps it's both and this confusion is intentional. Gojo is a teenager figuring himself out in the most traumatic way possible here. My point is that this use of Anta indicates Gojo feels some kind of way about Toji he doesn't for anyone else.

Toji is very special to Gojo.

Most people are aware of Gojo picking up certain habits and speech patterns because Geto. Rereading JJK after learning about Gojo's history with Geto turns a lot of his silly quirks into things that are really depressing.

Toji is second to Geto in terms of influencing adult Gojo's behavior I think. Not just in the paranoia he experiences of being made vulnerable again, but some of his speaking mannerisms. Gojo asking for last words before he kills someone started with Toji.

He has that same empty look when he does it each time too. This doesn't seem to be like him mourning Toji in the way he mourns Geto by speaking in the way his beloved suggested. It's like he's reliving trauma. And dear lord did Toji traumatize Gojo. The kind of terror in the faces teenage Gojo makes while being hunted and killed are never made again.

But despite this, Gojo as an adult seems to look back on this awful experience fondly sometimes. When Sukuna starts to make him think he's about to lose, Gojo smiles as he recalls this feeling.

Satisfaction? Being killed by this guy was satisfying? I suppose it makes sense, this temporary death did awaken him to immense power that made him feel amazing. In that sense, Toji was Gojo's greatest teacher. And as a teacher, Gojo molds a philosophy from that experience and tries to imbue it on his students in a less traumatic fashion. (I say tries because this still killed Yuji by accident and caused a lot of unneeded stress for the second years in Vol 0.)

As you can see here, Gojo thinks this way because he did die alone despite having strong allies. And because his death made him stronger, he thinks growth can be triggered in a similar fashion. Geto calls him out on how fudged up this “tough love” is.

Gray morally aside, these beliefs and actions are because of Toji. A lot of what Gojo is as an adult is one giant unhealthy coping mechanism for Toji, fondness included.

When Nanami calls Gojo a Jujutsu Pervert he isn't wrong. Gojo is a freak that gets off to fighting in part due to Toji. It's like this horrible little ball of fear, denial, and horny with him. Thinking about Toji being the last person who satisfied him in that way over Geto isn't out of character. The types of blissed out faces he made during that fight do pop up in the Sukuna fight.

We also have to acknowledge that Toji is at the got dang afterlife airport with everyone else. For some reason, despite all the pain he inflicted, Gojo admires him on a similar level to the people who didn't want him dead.

Toji is a lot of Gojo's firsts. His first fear, his first death, his first awakening, and most importantly his first exposure to revolution. Toji is the first person Gojo met that escaped the bindings of Jujutsu Society and obtained freedom. He defied the Zenins and started a life outside of them. His pride and grief brought him back, but for a few years he was the impossible success story.

Though Geto heavily influenced Gojo’s morality, Toji was the basis for Gojo’s revolutionary ideas. It shows in how he trains his students and values the strength of non-sorcerers. He correctly identifies that Toji only wound up this way because of Jujutsu Society, mainly the higher ups, and vows to do something about it.

Is this to prevent another Toji because of fear? Is this how Gojo honors his memory too? Both, probably. Toji basically asked Gojo to be the godfather to Megumi, his son named Blessing, and prevent him from being raised a Zenin. In other words, he gave Gojo his blessing to do better than him and break that awful generational cycle. Gojo has taken that very seriously.

Megumi knows next to nothing about the Zenins until he's made the head after Naobito dies and Maki massacres them. The fact that Megumi being made the head ultimately triggered Maki's massacre of the Zenin Clan is like Toji getting exactly what he wanted from beyond the grave. A mini revolution made possible with Gojo laying the groundwork by providing a space where Maki can exist without hate.

Geto's Jealousy

As Geto was spiralling, he probably thought back on Gojo’s use of Anta with Toji and got a little jealous. After all, Toji was the reason Gojo grew so much as a sorcerer instead of him.

Can you imagine? The love of your life keeps telling you that together you're The Strongest and that's why he's with you. But he goes off with some dude after calling him something he's never called you and comes back a god. He grew more in those few minutes with this rando than the years he spent with you combined. Inadequate wouldn't even scratch the surface of that feeling.

It was always a one-sided admiration—Toji was a bum who leeched off women as you would expect any straight dude would coming from an immensely misogynistic household. He killed children for money and had beef with an 8 year old after looking at him once. But Geto still might've been envious that a non-sorcerer did more for Gojo’s growth than any sorcerer.

Geto’s Coping

The aftermath of Toji put a strain on their relationship in more ways than one. First and foremost, it made Gojo The Strongest. As I said earlier, this caused Geto to become insecure with his place in Gojo’s life. But what I didn’t mention is that the higher ups exploiting this newfound strength is why this never got addressed until it was way too late.

As shown here Geto’s condition gets worse because not only is he mentally isolated from Gojo, but physically as well. A horrible little detail—changes in weight can be very gradual. If you're with someone all the time, you'll likely never notice it. Gojo was kept separate from Geto for so long that this difference was noticeable.

They fall out of sync because Jujutsu Society has decided that their labor is more valuable apart. The problem here exploitation. Toji made it extremely clear to both Gojo and Geto that was the problem. Geto unfortunately came to the wrong conclusion on how to deal with it.

Tags from @nyan-bynary on this post sum up my feelings on this nicely.

#OK OK I HAVE BEEN THINKING ABOUT HOW GETO GOT RADICALIZED BASICALLY INTO FASCISM BC HE ENDED UP BLAMING THE WRONG CLASS FOR THEIR OPPRESSION #LIKE THIS IS SO VERY MUCH THE CASE WITH LIKE RANDO WHITE LIBERTARIANS AND SHIT IRL TOO LIKE THEY NOTICE SHIT SUCKS #BUT THEY END UP BLAMING THE EVEN MORE OPPRESSED PEOPLE INSTEAD OF TAKING THAT ANGER UPWARDS TOWARDS THE ACTUAL PPL DESTROYING EVERYTHING

#like geto saw a man who was so fucking abused and treated like shit by his clan that he basically ran away and started a new life #where he resents the people who were oppressing him but he still had to work for similar people to make ends meet #and in doing so was made a pawn for the internal power struggles of the higher ups #which hurt the other people lower in the hierarchy as well including gojo and geto #but instead of seeing the hand that guided everything here he blamed the toy in the hand instead #devoting himself to destroy every single toy which unknowingly included himself and the sorcerers he wanted to protect so badly as well

#like in his efforts to gather sorcerers he ended up doing a better more inclusive job of gathering sorceres from EVERYWHERE he could reach #he had the true potential to make real grassroot connections with fellow oppressed people but he was misguided on who the target should be #like it's ironic that the only black sorcerer that we see is in the group of the guy that calls non sorceres 'monkeys' #because it says something about him that his problem actually wasn't racism (against non-sorcerers) #it was the high risk terrible lifestyle forced upon every sorcerer in the name of non-sorcerers #WHO DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU GUYS EXIST AND ARE BEING EXPLOITED LIKE THIS IN THEIR NAME IN THE FIRST PLACE MAYBE TRY TO FIX THAT AT SOME POINT???

#it's all so sad bc the moment he chose the wrong people to blame his fate was sealed and it sucks bc he could've done real good things #gojo was the closest to doing anything remotely revolutionary but he went the too peaceful route and it cost him everything #he didn't organize or protest with enough destruction or maybe he thought he couldn't until it became a last resort

#like I find it funny that despite everything gojo wanted to do bc his form of resistance was so lax he ended up alienating hakari and kirara #and the elders. the divide and conquerers that they were used it to expel them from the school #just ahhhhhhhhh so many thoughts I wish they could've done more I wish I wish I wish

In that post, I joked that Karl Marx could’ve saved Geto, but that wasn’t really a joke. Trying to address exploitation without the theoretical framework to be productive about it is like swimming against an ocean riptide at night. You can recognize that you’re drowning, but not knowing where the shore is or that you need to swim at an angle instead of directly against the current dooms you.

The really sad thing is that Geto never realized that non-sorcerers were exploited just like him. Nanami worked directly alongside them and realized their exploitation was one in the same.

He realized that this exploitation was a systemic issue. Gojo realized that those in power were responsible for enforcing it. Both of them lacked the drive to be aggressive about that in the way Geto was. Together, the 3 of them really could’ve unionized to obtain the work-life balance they desperately needed.

But that was never going to happen. The higher ups isolated them until their communication skills and therefore relationships deteriorated alongside their mental states. (Notice how even outside of Jujustu Nanami has no friends. He's just as alone as those two.)

Geto's Love

I don’t think Geto ever learned how to love properly after Toji in a very similar vein to Gojo. Though he more outwardly shows affection to his family, there’s this sense of distance he has between them as a cult leader. His children call him Master and do not take his last name. He’s worshiped as a figurehead and for his beauty. And no one really understands him in the way Gojo used to.

And it must also be noted that the anguish from his family and daughters at his possession did not cause his body to stir. Only Gojo calling his name did.

It's not that Geto doesn't love his family, he just loves Gojo more despite having spent less time with him. (10 years with his family vs 3 years with Gojo.) Even Geto himself says that his family isn’t enough for him to be truly happy.

A world where sorcerers are not exploited is what he thinks will fix this. He wants this for himself, his family, and Gojo. Especially Gojo.

Their breakup was caused by Gojo being exploited more than anyone else. Geto has always objected to that. A world of only sorcerers hypothetically gets rid of the labor exploitation Geto hates for every sorcerer. And it also creates a world where Gojo doesn't need to be The Strongest. It's a world where instead of being overworked, Gojo will have all the time in the world for Geto.

This love Geto holds for Gojo underlies his actions. Him setting this ridiculous plan into motion on December 24th is a grandiose romantic gesture. You can feel the resentment and the longing. He tried to fill the Gojo hole in his heart with a new family and hatred only to fail.

Gojo reciprocated. He always did. But neither of them realized the love was mutual until both of them were dead because work came first.

So yeah anon, Geto was jealous. Both Toji and Sukuna got to know Gojo in ways he couldn’t because being an enemy of Gojo ironically gives them more direct attention from him since that’s a part of work.

Jujustu Society vs Queerness

Even if Gojo and Geto realized their love before everything went to hell, I'm not sure if they would've acted on it due to societal stigma.

Like @nyan-bynary mentioned, Kiara's transness is something the higher ups no doubt rejected. The type of conservatism modern Japan is under does not embrace the open queerness of the past that was especially prevalent during the Heian Era, you know the Jujutsu Golden Age. In a reflection of these politics, the Zenins embody the type of sexual hierarchy wanted by the elders—men run everything and women have children. Even though Hakari and Kiara are a straight couple, they're unable to have children together which is rebellion in of itself. Why Gojo didn't do more for them is kind of baffling.

To be fair, Gojo kind of sucks at sticking up against injustices like this. Hakari and Kiara aren't the only failed in this way. When Geto is verbally discriminatory towards Maki, Gojo doesn't refute his beliefs, Yuta does.

This is honestly, pretty fudged up. Gojo just lets Geto be horrible and offers a weak "don't do that" as a response instead of arguing for Maki's personhood. And we know for a fact he is strong enough to do something and be taken seriously. After all, he did threaten the elders to protect Yuta's life. He didn't stop Geto until he became a large-scale physical threat. For some reason, that's the only type of discrimination Gojo will act on—violent acts that will result in death.

I think this is because Geto told him he needed a really good reason to kill other humans before he snapped. It took a lot of convincing for Gojo to slaughter the higher ups as the result of this. His inaction here could also stem from Gojo being so used to dehumanization that he hardly recognizes it as a problem. But Gojo did force Nanami to address Yuji as a human child instead of Sukuna's Vessel later, so perhaps he reflected on this exchange and tried to do better. (Despite allowing everyone else from Kyoto to be weird about Yuji.)

Regardless, it's this passive mentality when it comes to non-violent discrimination that makes me think Gojo wouldn't have acted on his feelings for Geto.

There's probably a lot of pressure on Gojo to have progeny of some kind (aka be straight and have babies). I do find it a bit odd we've seen nothing of his Clan to the point that Megumi also knows nothing about it. (Though this was probably to spare him the politics drama for the enjoyment of his youth.) They did spoil Gojo rotten, but that doesn't mean backwards societal expectations weren't thrust on him from birth. He was raised to be a living weapon you know. Suppression of his own queerness was likely a part of that education.

And though Gojo is pretty rebellious when it comes to challenging the status quo, like antagonizing those older than him and letting those younger than him speak freely around him, he still has some toxic ideas from his youth he hasn't let go of. He prioritizes his strength over bonds and allows himself to be exploited while trying to make sure his students don't wind up like him...by having them prioritize strength through pushing their limits.

In other words, Gojo would likely just repress his feelings for Geto if it meant obtaining his goals. A queer relationship would be used against him by the higher ups since it rebels against the expectations of Jujustu Society in a way he hasn't pushed hard against. (I'm so sorry Hakari and Kiara.)

With that being said, it's not all that surprising that a lot of the curse users are openly queer. They've freed themselves of exploitation and expectations. Their genders and sexualities are theirs to control. None of them are shy about it. Larue openly loves Geto, Sukuna will kill you for not respecting his disinterest in romance and sex, Uraume will kill you for not respecting that, Kashimo will hit on a man as he's being killed by him, Kenjaku is Kenjaku.

I don't think it's a coincidence that Gojo is at his horniest when he's fighting other men. It's like the one space where he's allowed to engage that side of himself without fear of repercussion because at the end of the day, one of them is going to be dead anyways. (His flirting with Nanami when they're alone together not included.) Sometimes queer people want their love with violence because it’s the only way they can have their sexuality without guilt. That punishment absolves the sin.

Jujutsu Society as it stands is not compatible with queerness. Gojo has a really fudged up way of expressing his attraction to men as the result of this. And if you ask me, I think Toji is the one who really got his wires crossed.

[daughter-lilith]

❅In Every Life❅

Halsin x Fem!Reader | Modern AU, Parallel Universes Part 2 | Read Part 1 here.

Summary: Another day on modern Earth as you finally wind down for the late night in your quiet home. All is as it should be. All is normal as you prepare for bed. That is, until a tall, hulking man with pointed ears shows up at your doorstep claiming to be your lost love from another time and realm. But he’s a stranger. A stranger who forever changes everything you thought you knew about your life.

Explicit 18+ (In future Parts)

CW (For whole story): Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Tension, Oral, P in V, Shifting, Pain, Love, Halsin is Emotional!

Word Count: 6.66k😈

*Reminder, this is part 2.

Halsin’s gaze roamed over your face, your hair, and you unconsciously hugged your robe a bit tighter. You weren’t typically a shy person, but something about his visual inspection made your cheeks flush and you had to fight the urge not to swipe a piece of hair behind your ears. Instead, you held his gaze, as best as you could anyway.

“Your hair is styled differently,” he proceeded, “and the top of your ears no longer have their tips. And yet… you are as beautiful now as you were then. Clearly, nature still works its wonders, even in this foreign place.”

You nearly gasped at his words as a wave of flutters tickled your belly. And his smile only further enhanced the prickling goosebumps racing across your skin. Speechless, a torrent of silence stretched between you and the man with the pointed ears. In mere moments, the air felt thick with tension, unspoken words, confusion, questions, and so much more. You were starting to get lost in his intense eyes again, the way he looked at you with such fondness. And you knew at that moment your heart was correct. He wouldn’t hurt you. He was safe. But there was still so much you didn’t know.

As if detecting your thoughts, he cleared his throat and expanded his chest a little, like he was bracing himself. “I get ahead of myself. Now, as I promised you, I will explain all. Shall we sit?”

You glanced at the counter next to you where tall chairs lined up together, and shook your head. Your legs would’ve been a shaking mess if you were forced to remain in a seated position, anxiously awaiting his words. Somehow you felt steadier on two feet, with one hip leaning slightly against the side of the island.

“Standing is fine.”

Halsin nodded. “Very well.”

He took two, calm strides forward, closer to the other side of the countertop, directly across from you. He closed his eyes, his large chest rising and falling. A gold emblem of a leaf on his chest gleamed beneath the warm light, but when he opened his eyes again, he had your complete attention.

“The place I mentioned earlier, Faerûn, where I hail from, is a realm far from here. It can only be accessed by opening a very particular and powerful portal. It is how I arrived in this world myself, through the Astral Plane, and then here I—"

You lifted a hand, stopping him. “Sorry- portal? Astral Plane? Next thing you’ll say is you’ve once seen dragons breathe down fire from the sky, or you have pointed ears because you’re an—

“An elf,” he interjected, smiling. “Both of which you mention are true. Though I’ve been told I’m rather large for one.” A gentle chuckle sounded from his throat, it would’ve been comforting were your face not contorted in complete bafflement.

“You’re an elf?” You half laughed, incredulous. But at your reaction, the trace of humor that marked his face waned.

“Yes,” he simply responded, calm. “The Oak Father warned me that there would be many changes in this world. Your world. I now presume the mention of portals and dragons will be among the many number of differences for all I have to say.”

You exhaled, absentmindedly shaking your head. The longer you looked at him, the more you could tell he meant what he was saying, or at least he believed it enough. Too wrapped up in your thoughts, you couldn’t even conjure up the question of who the hell the Oak Father was. And you got the sense that Halsin, in whatever tale he was about to unravel, was just scratching the surface.

“You’re being serious.” You weren’t really asking, more so stating.

“I am.”

“You’re an elf? How is that even…” you trailed off, speechless. How was that what? Possible? How was anything he was saying possible? As a writer, you were a believer in ‘anything is possible’ but when that anything was a six-and-a-half foot, maybe more, henched elf…

“Are there no elves in this world?” One of his brows was slightly raised.

“No. No elves, no dragons. Just an overpopulated amount of humans.”

“Ah, I see,” he said. “That would explain the change in your ears, though I suppose you could’ve become any race on any plane.”

You gasped, blinking rapidly. He was starting to lose you, speaking to you like he knew you, like there was some other version of you.

Halsin must’ve sensed the havoc firing in your brain because he stepped forward, and you heard the sound of the chair scraping the floor as he bumped into it. You raised a hand to halt him, even though the entire island still separated you.

Without actually saying it, he was basically calling you an elf. There was a sudden twitch along the rim of your right ear at the mere thought. There was more to this tale, just hear him through. Closing your eyes for a few seconds, you breathed deeply and silently vowed that you wouldn’t interrupt again, or at least you would try not to. You opened your eyes. “Alright then… continue.”

He nodded, releasing a heavy breath of his own. He took a moment to analyze you before proceeding. “Faerûn is where I met you. You and your companions had saved me from the cruel shackles of a brutish goblin camp.” His mouth twisted in disgust, before smoothing out again. “Then you helped to save my grove, a druid’s sanctuary under my govern- from slaughter and being cut off from the world. I knew then… that you would become most important to me.” A warm smile melted into his cheeks and that fondness in his gaze returned. Yes, you were indeed safe with him.

“So I joined you,” he carried on, “on a journey of high adventure where you and your companions welcomed me with open arms. You became my friends, and soon after, my family.”

He went on to explain the depths of your adventures together and how you faced all sorts of formidable foes and challenges. He spoke of the times you cleansed curses, cut down hags, slayed devils, ended a vampire lord, and destroyed would-be gods. It was all so much, and yet the way Halsin delivered this tale, how he articulated each word so careful and precise in his language, was exceptionally poetic. He connected words in ways you wouldn’t think of, as though he came from a time long past.

And even though he was telling you tales of the sort of things you’d usually read about or see in movies, which made it even more unbelievable, you were extremely immersed. He made it easy to follow along to imagine the landscapes, the campsites, and your companions. No, your friends, apparently.

An interesting group from the way he described them. There were some strange words you caught here and there like githyanki or tiefling, but also very familiar ones like vampire and wizard. He described one who had red skin and two horns, one cut halfway- she was among your first closest friends, he said. After forming your group, before you met him, she had been the one you connected with swiftly, more of an open book than the other women. But in time, they too became like your sisters.

And the vampire was another close friend of yours, a sincere bond that blossomed from such a fragile heart. You once shared a brief romantic relationship with this white-haired elf, but came to realize your bond thrived better in the waters of friendship. You wished you could’ve seen all Halsin was describing, what he was imagining from his faraway look while he recounted this intriguing world. You knew that your own mental images weren’t doing it justice.

“…and our bond only grew stronger, rooted in the depths of the earth.” The more Halsin spoke, the more the leaves decorating his shoulders lowered as he relaxed. Sometimes he spoke faster than he seemed to intend, eager to share all he could with you. “And in battle, you were magnificent as always, the way the crackle of lightning simmered over your fingers, or how your longsword was blazed in fire, smiting your foes with no mercy. I knew to never stray on your bad side.” Halsin chuckled at this, a deep rumble from his throat.

You wished you could return the sentiment, but you could only half smile in return, a dull ache in your gut. It all sounded too incredible, fascinating really. But to your disappointment, none of it meant anything to you. You found yourself genuinely wanting to connect with his story, the world he painted for you.

And the way he spoke about you, there was something so incredibly deep there, raw, pure, powerful. You could feel that he cared for you in ways that went far beyond just friends or casual lovers. He cared for you possibly more than anyone you’ve ever known, or at least cared for whoever this version of you was. Someone fierce, powerful, a leader…and could wield magic?

“You’ve talked about magic a lot,” your voice filled the room, taking the chance to speak while Halsin paused his story, “that all of your—our- friends had it, because of access to the Weave?” You narrowed your brows, glancing at Halsin for some silent reassurance. When he nodded, you continued. “And some were closer to magic than others or accessed it in different ways… so are you telling me that you have this magic even now?”

Halsin grinned. “I do. And I presume that is but another change in your world.”

You hummed. “There is magic, in a way… rituals, spells, but definitely not how you’ve described it. It all sounds like the sorts of things I read and write about.”

Halsin stood straighter, his chest expanding as that proud grin still painted his face. “May I demonstrate?”

Your stomach flipped. “Demonstrate? Right- right here?”

“If you wish?” Halsin raised one hand, letting it hover off to the side as he stared at you, silently waiting for your permission.

You looked up at him, shifting between both of his eyes before settling on his waiting hand. There was no way this was about to happen. Magic? Fresh nerves stormed in your belly, but it was mostly fueled by a wave of excitement, just the tiniest hint of fear lingered in its depths. You had no idea what to expect; maybe a magic trick? Some sort of illusion? You swallowed, meeting his eyes again. With a deep breath, you nodded. “Okay, go ahead.”

Halsin, still smiling, turned his attention to his hand. You watched him close his eyes, almost lost in the wave of peace that washed over him, finding it easier to inspect his features without his eyes trained on you. He truly was a beautiful man. You watched his lips that seemed to mumble a bit, and random twitches in his eyes like he was searching behind closed lids. He looked at peace, and damn if peace didn’t look wonderful on him.

The scars across his brows did nothing to diminish his appearance, and you couldn’t help but imagine what caused such a wound. Halsin hadn’t mentioned that in his story, at least not yet. You clenched your teeth a bit, suddenly feeling upset that something would dare harm this man in such a way. He was still a stranger, and it even surprised you to feel this strange sense of…protection over him? Whatever caused the scar, you just knew Halsin didn’t deserve it.

Your expression softened, and you felt like you could stare at him forever, fixing his image in your mind. But forever was short-lived as something else caught your eye. From the palm of Halsin’s hand, a tendril of soft, golden light flowed upward, accompanied by two more. You gasped, frozen, completely entranced at the sight before you. You half noticed Halsin open his eyes, but you couldn’t take yours away from the cloudy mist of golden light that streamed and danced in slow, intertwining patterns. The room suddenly felt warmer, comforting, like it was suddenly the safest place on the planet.

“Magic,” you heard Halsin murmur, and you finally looked at him once more, nearly gasping again.

The light reflected against his eyes, causing a warm glow as he stared at you carefully, gauging your reaction. The golden-yellow light danced across his face, shadowing and lighting certain features as it moved. You weren’t sure what to focus on- Halsin, or the orb of energy he seemed to conjure just from his hand. As though sensing your thoughts again, Halsin made it easier to choose. He extended his hand over the counter, directly to you. The tendrils of light slithered away from his hand, reaching for you, lazily flowing towards your hand.

Surprisingly, you didn’t flinch but remained so still, the only thing racing was your heart as a tickle fluttered over your hand on first contact. You watched the golden glow travel up your hand, passing over your cheek and simultaneously spreading across your chest. It was warm, like a soft blanket of protection. It was a strange energy that seemed to be attracted to you, both exploring and revering you as it encompassed you entirely. You released a sudden gasp, overwhelmed by the tingles that crept up your spine and expanded across your chest. A near-weightlessness feeling washed over you. Another sigh as the magic finally dissipated, leaving you with a deep sense of peace as a gift. A gift of…magic.

“Magic thrives where it belongs.” The sound of Halsin’s deep timbre shook you out of your sudden stupor. “It always knows its way home.”

Breathing a bit harder now, you placed both hands firmly on the counter, losing the stillness from before. Your robe loosened slightly but still managed to cover yourself mostly. “That was…amazing.”

Halsin’s smile was just as warm as the magic he recently conjured. “As are you.”

Your breath caught in your throat, and you were immediately lost in the beautiful warmth of Halsin’s gaze. His hands were also leaning on the counter, with the one he used for his spectacle being placed closer to you.

A million and one thoughts danced in your brain: affection, wonder, intrigue, confusion. The impossible becoming possible before your very eyes. An invisible thread formed between the two of you; a bond that ached to reel you into each other, a magnetic force awakening after finally finding the right field to pull itself into.

Halsin muttered your name, so sweetly from his lips, his head tilting slightly. A chill swarmed up your back at his voice. You decided then that you liked the way he said your name, almost breathy. He sounded so close. You would’ve sworn he whispered it into your ear except you were very much staring at him across the kitchen island.

“Halsin?” you managed to mutter, sensing the faint shakiness in your breath.

“Yes?” He was intensely focused on you, eager for whatever you were about to request. If you could read his mind, you’d assume he was ready to march around the counter to get closer to you the second you allowed it.

“What happened with… us? Why did you come here?” You nearly regretted it the moment you asked as his face fell and his shoulders slumped. But you had to know.

He hadn’t finished all he had to say, and you still had too many questions. From everything he said, it sounded like you had an amazing life together, all things considered, so what went wrong? Why was this man -elf- standing in the middle of your kitchen, in the middle of the night, from a land far, far from home?

Halsin’s hand slipped back, and he glanced away, frowning. Your stomach felt uneasy at his change in tone, in demeanor. But you patiently waited.

Still looking away from you, Halsin breathed deeply. “After we defeated the Absolute, and helped repair the city, we all went our own ways, for the most part.” He spoke so softly, quiet. “You and I returned to what once was Reithwin, where we lifted the curse. We built a wonderful life together. We spent two decades there, in blissful peace, occasionally leaving to visit our friends, sometimes taking us away from home a few months at a time, with your encouragement. Other times they’d come to us, staying for days or weeks at a time. It was a fulfilling life.” He finally met your eyes again, smiling gently but it did not quite reach his eyes.

“We were so happy,” he expressed, a faint lightness in his tone. “There were many moments I feared I would wake, and you would have moved on, ending the dream…. But you were always there, wrapped around me as the rising sun illuminated our room. And you never failed to reassure me how happy you were, with our life, with me.”

There was a sadness laced in Halsin’s calm voice and each moment a flicker of dread occupied his eyes as he stared at you while he spoke. You rubbed your lips together, trying but failing to suppress your fleet of nerves. Tonight had to be a record for how often your heart rate rose and calmed.

“One day,” he exhaled a deep breath, trembling. “We received urgent word from Lae’zel, calling for us all to meet her in the Astral Plane. She and her people were finally so close to defeating Vlaakith once and for all but needed the help of old friends to ensure victory. I was a bit hesitant to take on another such venture after a time of peace… but she was our family. To deny her our aid was out of the question.”

The gravity in his voice expressed to you how serious this choice was. You still had no recognition of who Lae’zel was, only from the brief stories he told. But here on Earth, you did have friends of your own who you would go to hell and back for, and they’d do the same for you. So you admired Halsin’s decision to aid this Lae’zel.

“So we prepared as best we could,” Halsin continued, “calling upon old allies who would be able to lend a hand and once again fight alongside the Saviors of Baldur’s Gate.” He made a gesture with his hands like he was about to introduce someone to a stage. “And before we knew it, we were back in the Astral Plane. It was chaos, magic against magic, dragons against dragons.”

He closed his eyes, his nose scrunched up in disgust as though reliving the memory all over again. It made your heart quicken the more he uncovered about this battle in a space where time did not exist. He told you that Vlaakith may very well have been a god, or was exceptionally close to godhood than ever before.

Halsin exhaled, shaking his head slightly. “We’ve faced formidable foes, as I mentioned, and she earned her place among them.” He looked away again, half turning his body. “We were waning. Vlaakith had great losses, but we were tiring ourselves just the same. Every blade, every cut, every flicker of magic was followed by a strange exhaustion. Perhaps the Astral Plane had unpredictable effects. It seemed to make us stronger but for a limited time and when that effect wore off…”

“She started winning,” you muttered. Not so much to him, but to yourself. You could almost picture it: fighting in a space of endless time, amongst stars, floating rock, and deceased titan-like gods. You emerged from your inner thoughts as Halsin began to speak again.

“But we have been broken before, and we never gave in to defeat. So we fought, and fought, using all the strength our bodies would allow, all the magic our energy could conjure…And we had done it. We defeated the tyrant, together, as we’ve always done, this time Lae’zel delivered the final strike. But—”

A rough breath left Halsin’s mouth. He squeezed his eyes shut, fist clenching. You absentmindedly moved towards the side of the island, not completely coming to Halsin’s side, but noticeably closer than before.

Your heart was hammering, anxious for him to continue. But you had no words at the moment, only allowing Halsin to gather himself until he was ready to proceed. A few seconds, then more, and he opened his eyes, obliviously staring at the now empty space you occupied moments before.

“But Vlaakith still drew breath,” he gritted his teeth, a sudden ire dripping from his tone.

It almost frightened you, to sense the simmering rage that crept up his throat. This man who had been so calm, so gentle towards you, and still was, now seemingly fighting back an old vengeance. It was like the room suddenly felt heavier, brought down by a foreign anger that had nowhere to go.

You already missed the occasional smiles that graced his face a short time ago, the warmth of nature in his eyes as he gazed at you. Another breath left the large man’s lips, his broad chest rising and settling into a gentle rhythm. When he spoke again, there was still a taste of an underlying anger in his voice, more hidden now that he was no longer clenching his teeth.

“Vlaakith would not let death capture her without another,” he said, still not meeting your eyes. “With her last strength, she aimed a fatal blow at Lae’zel only to miss…” He finally turned to look at you, sorrow dragging down his face. “She missed because you leapt in front of her instead.”

Even under the dim lighting, you could’ve sworn the color left his tanned face. Your stomach tightened and a sudden wave of nausea lingered in the depths of your belly. You suddenly felt panicked, shocked, and tired all at once; like you were experiencing someone else’s emotions, someone else’s pain. You rested your elbows on the counter, leaning your weight onto it.

“So Vlaakith,” you swallowed, taking a breath. “Killed her instead? Killed…me?”

“Yes,” Halsin answered quickly, as if desperate to move past that truth. He started shaking his head, overcome by emotions. “It all happened too quickly. I couldn’t get to you fast enough. And by the time you fell in my arms, the Astral Plane was already beginning to claim you. You looked at me and…you said, in the most angelic voice I know…in every life.”

A wave of dread washed over you, sneaking into your pores and threatening to drown out your soul. You weren’t remembering anything, you weren’t visualizing this fatal moment and yet it felt like your lungs had the air violently sucked out of it. You clenched your teeth, trying to calm yourself and also feign that you were okay, not wanting to watch Halsin’s face contort to anymore worry. Grasping the edge of the counter, you were acutely aware of Halsin still speaking.

“So I spent the next 11 years without you, until one night, a dream. You came to me.” Halsin’s words pulled your attention back to him, your ears honing in on this new information. “It was unlike any other I’ve had of you before. It was…urgent. Real. You were repeatedly telling me to find you, your voice blending in and out of earshot. And just before I woke, your voice came beside my ear, I could feel your breath tickle my skin, you said but one word…‘Earth’.”

“I…I said that?” you stammered a bit, throat dry, trying to quell the strange reactions undertaking your body.

Halsin nodded, terse. “You did. I did not understand it at the time, for the only earth I knew was the grass and dirt beneath my feet.” He bowed, placing a fist across his chest. “But with the wisdom of Silvanus, and the aid of the greatest wizard I’ve ever met, I learned that Earth was a place. A world. Your new world.” Halsin turned, taking a step along the counter, then another, towards you. But he stopped when he caught your expression, and you silently thanked him for it.

You sensed he wanted to be comforting, to tell you this news as gently as possible, but it was becoming all too overwhelming again. You almost wanted to ask if he could conjure up some more magic so you could get enveloped in its sweet, soothing embrace again. So it could untwist the knots in your stomach and calm the rate of your heart with its golden light.

Halsin lowered his head, sullen, occasionally shifting his eyes from you to the empty space at your side. “It took another year to figure out how to open the right portal and the right amount of magic it demanded.” His voice was softer, lower, like he was losing confidence the more he continued to speak. “I was warned that it may be difficult to return or that you may not remember me. But I had to try… so Gale, Shadowheart, and myself, with the guidance of Silvanus, Mystra, and Selûne at our backs, entered the astral plane once again. There, a portal for me already awaited…”

He stared at you, softly searching your eyes, daring another tentative step closer. “And then I came here, to you… to the greatest love my heart has ever known.”

“Halsin…” you breathed, but he raised his hands, halting you.

“This may not be Faerûn, and elven blood may no longer flow through your veins. But your face, your eyes, your very soul is just the same. I can feel it.”

Another fleet of nerves sliced through you, your heart pumping fiercely in your ears, the beat of your pulse so intense within your wrists. Halsin was almost standing directly before you now, the heat radiating off his large frame reached for you, as eager as the golden tendrils of magic.

But he stopped before closing the distance entirely, not crossing the small threshold of space still between you. You avoided his gaze, but could still feel him watching you, and could hear the quick pacing of his breath, like he was trying his damnedest to calm himself.

Your name left his lips, a gentle plea to guide your attention back to him. An involuntary flutter decorated your cheeks when he said your name that way, the gentleness of it, fueled with decades of love. But even that was not enough to quell your pounding heart. You were stuck trying to understand everything Halsin was telling you, this man, this elf. This elf who was apparently 350 years old when you embarked on this wild adventure together, with friends who weren’t all human, and who could do great and magical things. You could do great and magical things. It was all so incredible, but also, it was too much…

Halsin’s deep timbre filled your ears, you could almost feel the vibration in his voice. “What are you thinking, my heart?”

“Please,” you muttered, startled by his tender words of affection. “You shouldn’t say that…” You dared a look at him, noting the strict narrowing in his brows and confusion in his expression.

So he said your name again, as a question this time, fear accompanying his voice. You sighed, suddenly feeling more overwhelmed with each passing second. His presence was so much, the closeness, his warmth, his words of affection for a love once lost. A love he believed to be you. So, you took two steps back, needing to reclaim the distance between you two, needing to find room to breathe and to think.

Your throat felt dry and you promptly found yourself reaching for a nearby water bottle, hastily swallowing as much of the water as you could. Breathing rapidly, you put the bottle aside and steadied yourself with both hands on the counter.

“Halsin, I…I don’t know…”

He remained still, careful not to further overwhelm you by standing too close. “You are having trouble believing me?”

You half-laughed, bringing your hands to your head, and dug your fingers into your hair. “Quite the opposite. In fact, this would be so much easier if I didn’t believe you.” You started pulling at your scalp, just a little before releasing your grip.

You started moving around the island but remained mindful not to get too close to Halsin, a million thoughts racing in your head. “If I didn’t believe you then I could just assume you were crazy, and that I was crazy for letting you in my house and I’d just ask you to leave and probably call the cops. It would be one hell of a story to tell my friends but—” You stopped pacing, finding the courage to look at him again. His expression was a mixture of emotions, but the worry in his eyes overtook them all.

“I believe you, Halsin.”

He smiled, warm, the expression so beautiful on his face. And it nearly broke your heart.

“I believe that you come from a place of what people here would deem impossible, and you had these amazing friends, and a life with…” you closed your eyes, breathing deeply. “But I’m not her, Halsin…”

You opened your eyes to find his smile falling, the sight nearly ripping you in two. You ignored the incessant nerves that ravaged your stomach, the loud beat of your heart that just could not rest. “I believe that you cared for that part of me... but that isn’t who I am, Halsin. I have no memory of anything you speak of. I have an entire life here.”

Halsin said nothing, silence seizing him. You rushed on, question after question, whatever thought you could pull out of your head from the sea of endless thoughts. “What am I supposed to do with this, Halsin? What was your plan after finding me?”

You waved your arms aimlessly, unable to control the issues spilling out of your mouth. “Am I supposed to go to your world, now? Do you stay in mine? Do you just sleep on my couch and we talk about it in the morning?”

“Perhaps, if you wish to wait for the morning sun, I—"

“No, Halsin. I don’t wish for that.  I—I don’t know what to do. But I do know this…”

You regarded him, taking a moment to gather yourself. He stood patiently, so quiet, and yet his eyes said so much. A budding fear was digging its claws into this large elf, right before your eyes. “I’m afraid, Halsin.”

He frowned, taking a step back and you quickly moved forward, throwing your hands up. “No, no!” you exclaimed, halting him. “Not afraid of you, I know I’m safe with you. I just…I think I’m afraid of all of this. I don’t know how to handle it. Maybe I need time or maybe I need…ugh.” You groaned in frustration, unable to find the words, unable to process.

Halsin lowered his head, a deep breath, then another. A twang of guilt poked against your chest, though you knew you had nothing to feel guilty for. He seemed like he was an incredible man. He was gorgeous, calm, a fantastic talker, and above all he managed to make you feel entirely safe despite his foreboding stature.

“I’m so, so sorry you lost her, Halsin,” you were half-whispering, careful with your words. “I have no doubt you were so loved. I can tell you are an amazing man and maybe if you and I met in other circumstances, and we were from the same world… who knows…” You tried to sound as comforting as possible but even you felt a twinge of sadness at your words.

And in that moment, you realized you wanted to be that person that Halsin crossed realms for. To be that person who was so deeply loved, and to feel the same in return. But you found it nearly impossible to mentally handle this. It was all so wonderful, phenomenal, unbelievable, and yet you believed it all, down to the very last word. And it terrified you that it was possible.

“I’m just a normal gal, who loves to write and watch movies, play games, and take walks. I’m not that remarkable, powerful sorceress who wielded a sword as skillful as a fighter. I’m not who you loved. I’m just me.” A long breath left your lips, and your shoulders slumped in exhaustion, defeated.

“I understand,” Halsin said, finally gracing you with his voice again. You needed to hear it right now, more than ever. You needed to know he would be okay. “Forgive me…in my haste to find you, to see you again, I failed to consider what that may mean for you.”

You smiled, meekly. “No, you longed to find your love again. If I was in your place, I would’ve rushed at the chance myself. I wish I could’ve given you the reaction you imagined.” Your head slumped, suddenly feeling heavy, and a sea of guilt swam harshly within you.

Halsin sighed, calm. “No, don’t say that. This was a lot to process, a lot to bear.” He walked towards you slowly, watching your expression closely so as to make sure not to overstep. When you didn’t protest or step backward, he proceeded. “And if it means anything, even if you’re just a normal gal, I know in my heart you are extraordinary.”

A burning sensation simmered in your eyes, and you swallowed, trying not to let your emotions completely consume you. Already too overwhelmed by what to even feel. Tilting your head upward, the closer Halsin came, tears almost threatened to spill when you got a deeper look into his eyes. Maybe you just needed time, time to figure out what this meant for you, what it meant for both of you. But how much time that was, you couldn’t predict. But Halsin’s warmth was hovering near you again as his eyes looked all over your face, smiling sadly.

“Thank you,” he murmured., deep “Thank you for opening the door, for allowing me into your home, for letting me gaze upon your beautiful eyes after a decade of only seeing them in my dreams.”

Your lips parted, but no words sounded from them. Only a gasp of uncertainty. An exhale of emotions you couldn’t define. He was leaving, and the thought made your stomach lurch. But what else were he to do? You had no idea yourself, torn between telling him to give you time and just accepting that you weren’t who he sought.

“I will return to Faerûn.” He shut his eyes, breathing deeply, then reopened them. “But it will bring me great peace to leave knowing that you are safe, that I was blessed with such a chance to be in your presence again, whether you recall the memories or not.”

You almost muttered another ‘I’m sorry’ but decided against it. You sensed Halsin wouldn’t want that, he wouldn’t want you to feel guilty for having done nothing wrong.

You took in his face, the small scar on his bottom lip, the red tattoo, the tiny strands of hair above his head that didn’t seem long enough to reach his bun. Halsin stepped closer, almost completely blocking the view behind him. You watched his eyes bore into yours; scanning your face, your cheeks, your lips, like he was reaffirming his image of you.

“I would only request one thing before I leave you,” he spoke deeply, a heaviness in his tone. Then he met your eyes again. “I would very much like to hug you, if you allow it.”

You smiled softly, nodding your head ‘yes’ despite the blood rushing through your veins. “Sure.”

You inhaled quickly and quietly, turning to face him as he moved towards you, never breaking eye contact. In one full stride, you were consumed by his warm, inviting, woodsy aroma with a touch of sweet sandalwood. And as his large arms curled around your frame, you could’ve guessed there was the faintest hint of…vanilla?

Your heart skipped as you turned your face to the side, tentatively resting your cheek against his firm chest. You heard him release a heavy sigh, feeling the strength of his chest as air filled and left his lungs. Halsin’s heart thumped rapidly against your ears, outpacing your own. You frowned slightly, spreading your arms further around his waist, as best as you could reach, and squeezed gently. Halsin responded to this, his thick muscles tightening around you, pulling you closer until you were almost cocooned in his protective and endearing embrace.

Halsin’s warmth was so consuming, steadily relaxing the rushing blood in your veins. His heart also seemed to calm, though still at a higher rate than what you presumed to be normal. Without thinking, you let your eyes close, feeling the bottom of his chin rest gently near your head.

You began imagining sitting around a warm campfire, under a star-lit sky. You were enjoying the company of faces you couldn’t make out, positive that you wouldn’t get their image right anyway. But you could almost feel the bond, the stories to tell for decades shared between you all. And beside you, a comforting presence. You saw yourself smiling, resting your head on a familiar shoulder as Halsin hummed a soft tune, his vibrations sending enticing chills down your spine. You smiled, both in this imagination, and while you stood wrapped up in Halsin’s arms.

You felt Halsin’s lower half move away from you a little, already missing the warmth he provided, but his arms remained securely around you. The sound of a distant rumble in his throat, almost something of a groan hit your ears, but you couldn’t be too sure if he was just taking another breath. Whatever it was, it made a spark tickle in your abdomen, and you had to clench your teeth to try and quell the sudden pleasurable feeling.

You weren’t sure how much longer you spent in each other’s embrace, or who made the first move to end this moment of peace. But you were both pulling away from one another, still connected by your hands holding each other’s forearms. You paused, staring up at the pools of genuine care in his mesmerizing eyes.

“Will you be okay?” you inquired, when what you really wanted to ask was ‘maybe you can stay?’ But a lingering fear wouldn’t allow you to, despite it gradually waning by the second.

“As long as you are, then yes.” He rubbed his thumb along your forearm, still hanging onto you. “Finding you at all is more than I could’ve ever dreamed of. And I will spend the rest of time being thankful, until my flesh finally yields to nature.”

Your lips parted, eyes darting between his. He left you speechless again, the sincerity in his words, the strength in his tone despite the sadness that made its home there. He stared deeply at you, perhaps waiting for you to completely sever the connection for he lacked the strength to do so himself. You glanced at his lips, how soft they looked, pressed together uneasily as Halsin watched you.

A flutter dashed inside your stomach, your speeding heart anticipating your next move as your gaze lingered on his lips. You exhaled softly, glancing at the scar on his chin, your finger itching to trace it but not wanting to let go of Halsin’s arms. Your gaze rested on his tattoo, where it passed down his cheek. So you leaned upward, pressing some of your weight on your toes. Halsin lowered a bit, assisting you, and slightly tilted his head, exposing more of his tattoo.

And when your soft lips pressed against his warm skin, a fierce electric spark jolted you backward. Your knees buckled and you nearly fell were it not for strong hands already catching you.

Part three!

[creaturefeaster]

what would ids in stolla look like? i wanted to make some for ocs and was wondering if you had an idea for them

I think this is a really cool question, because it's not something I've ever considered in detail before until now.

Graphically, the background would probably be a little more interesting, but I made this quickly on my laptop so I was artistically limited-- here:

IDs of the Talpian Dominion, as well as Sunkeep, would vary from this design as they are sovereign to Stolla, but still function independently. I can try and make IDs for them in the future if it interests, but for now I figure this ID is pretty catch-all otherwise.

So a (mostly) filled out ID would look like this:

There's probably some stuff I'd tack on if I had more time to design this, such as a blood type identifier, and personally I'd find it cooler if it wasn't a standard rectangle shape, but this design was based on real world IDs, and I think this still gets most of what you'd need to know across for now.

If you're curious about the exact details on how an ID is produced, I'll explain below the readmore.

DI: Date Issued. Looking back on this, there should probably be an expiration date, perhaps on the lower right corner. ^^

SEX: Dependent on race. Many races have dimorphism similar to humans... more or less, though some (Vixen, Normals, etc.) have a wider range of sexes and are labeled as such.

The most common identifiers you would see on an ID would be: X(nondescript), F(female), M(male), MX(monolex, for some plant people).

EYES: No. of eyes, and color

HAIR: Natural hair color

HGT: Height on record

WGT: Weight on record

ELMT: Whether or not this person has elemental capabilities.

X is the lack of the elemental method, E/A/W/F are indicators of Earthen, Air, Water, and Fire elemental individuals. Typically you would only see this on races that are in touch with a certain element. For instance, many plant people are elementally inclined towards earth, and therefore would be labeled as E if they are found to have this connection.

RC: Residential ID code, has 18 to 19 digits, and can be decoded as such:

00 , 0000, 00.00.0000 , 00, 00.0

TR, NEID, DD.MM.YYYY, DI, RI.A

TR: Territory.

Each territory is labeled 00 through 14, the Talpian Dominon & Sunkeep are not in the registry.

NEID: Name Entry in Database.

Number of people active and registered with this exact name to date, within the territory.

DDMMYYYY: Birthdate.

DI: Day of the month this card was issued (Ignore the fact that I entered this part of April's ID incorrectly ._.)

RI(A): Racial identity marker, and affliction if applicable.

Races are listed from 11 through 28, noting 18 recognized races within Stolla. (A) is marked as a 0 unless afflicted as a vampire, zombie, or were-animal. It is very rare to see IDs with positive affliction markers, as very few are able to achieve legality. I probably don't need to mention that it's telling enough on it's own that there's a marker for affliction at all.

Each territory has it's own emblem, but I don't really have those fleshed out right now so it stays blank for now, haha.

Date of birth is listed under the emblem on the right side, and beneath that is their race in print.

Markers are for things like you would see on our cards in real life. Donors, veterans, notable allergies, etc.

Like I said, this isn't something I've thought about really until I read this ask this morning, so it's not what I would call a finalized version, but you can assume the data entry would all work the same, even if I did adjust the design a bit down the line.

Thanks for this question 🖤

[yuri-is-online]

Hello hello! Anon here. First of all, congratulations on getting accepted for your courses! Don't worry about trying to balance work and the blog, we will always be here waiting for you. Second of all, your whole Yutu AU has been really fascinating to look through. (Though that may be because of my bias toward Fire Emblem Awakening, as it was what got me into the series) Sorry for the incoming wall of text, but it's been giving me THOUGHTS.

So imagine this: whoever Yutu's dad is (I'll pick Azul for this example because I headcannon his English voice somewhere between Matt Mercer's Chrom and Olivert from The Legend of Heroes games) finds out who Yutu really is. You remember that cutscene after Chapter 13 in Awakening, with the Lucina reveal and Chrom has this: "You deserved better than a sword and a world full of troubles. I'm sorry."? Imagine Yutu hearing something like that: the acknowledgement of everything he's gone through, the pain of knowing his dad couldn't do anything and can't do anything more than offer words, and the reality that it might now be really possible to change the future? I imagine Azul breaking down after hearing all that because the last thing he wants to do is hurt Yuu or his son after everything he's been through. Oh goodness, the two of them both need hugs.

Second: did Crowley tip off the Magic Marshalls (because I think he would) and force Yuu to take the blame for his negligence (because he absolutely would)? Now imagine Yutu finding this out and telling his dad. Now his dad knows Crowley is a cheapskate who fobs his work onto everyone else without a second thought. And now he's responsible for having Yuu taken away and starting all this? Knowing the boys and how far they would go for Yuu I'd imagine they don't take that well. In other words, to slightly alter a quote from Regina in Once Upon A Time: "I guess killing a crow suddenly made the top of my to-do list."

Sorry for the wall of text but that's been rattling around in my head for a few days (so make of it all what you will). Hope you're doing well and looking forward to what's next!

-The anon who loves Riddle & Azul

AHHHHH (i feel like I always take forever to answer your asks I am sosososososososososo sorry, this one just drove me crazy in a good good way)

Listen fire emblem awakening was my entire personality for like all of middle school.  The only thing i wanted to talk about was chrobin.  I celebrated Morgan and Lucina's birthdays by drawing them. I think I still have a Cherche x Libra fan art thing I drew on some sheet of paper somewhere in my things because I was SO MAD that no one shipped them and I couldn't find fan art of them anywhere and I just oooooooooooh.  THE WAY CHROM GETS A NEW CRIT LINE ABOUT HOW ANYTHING CAN CHANGE AFTER THE REVEAL???? BECAUSE OF HOW DETERMINED HE IS TO KEEP THAT PROMISE AND GIVE LUCINA A BETTER WORLD???? i just cant be normal about them i am so sorry.  R+A annon I love you, I love you so much for this you made my entire month and possibly my year.  Awakening is also what got me into the series and made me so many friends I just love her so much.  She's an icon and I hope she gets remastered with Sumia either deleted or with a fucking personality.

I should probably sit down and actually write a timeline for myself of events, but since I am free to lean in to the fire emblem pacing, I want to say that monsters from Yutu's timeline start showing up (similar to how the Risen do in Awakening) in the past and stirring up trouble, which leads to an event where Yutu panics and forgets himself in his desperation to protect his dad.  The main way the future kids always proved themselves was by showing their mother's wedding ring, but Yutu doesn't have that so really it's just up to his dad to see someone who looks like him and Yuu blended together, supposedly from Yuu's world using magic and above all else crying out and driving up his own blot levels to protect him calling him dad. For Azul! Yutu it's especially painful, he feels like he already knows what his dad is going to say. That he's disappointed in him. That he has no idea how they could possibly be related. That he hopes in this future he turns out to be different. But that's not what happens.

Before Azul overblotted he was quiet. There's a similar quiet over him now, a similar look of tense surprise, but Yutu- no- his child doesn't know that. His child is looking at him in fear, in worry for his reaction or his safety he doesn't know but he knows the way those tears start to form. Azul knows the quiver of the lip and the shriek, of all the things he could have passed on to such a treasure.

"You deserved better from me." Because it's true. He might think of himself as a work in progress but he still thinks he has quality; he would have done research, read every book he could get his hands on, taken classes, anything he would need to do to be a good father, a worthy partner. Anything. "You deserved to have the world within your grasp, not whatever shadow of a future and a father I left you with. I am so sorry." He does not expect Yutu to grab him and hold him like he's still somehow worthy of his love, but Azul can't fight the urge to grab back, to stroke his son's hair and let the tears fall on his suit without any care at all. I'm here. It's ok, daddy's here, daddy's got you, he won't let anything happen to you.

As for your second question, I did not really write Crowley like that no. It was more like he was the first person mysteriously arrested after the Magical Marshall's decided to finally do their job. I was writing it like they wanted to ship Yuu away to cover up for their own incompetence in preventing seven overblots instead of properly investigating what might have caused that. He's not completely innocent though, so yes. The boys do not take it well at all. And please do not apologize for sending in your thoughts, I am so so slow but I love hearing from you.

[katyspersonal]

Hi there

I saw your post about Rellana & Messmer and i really want to know your interpretation of their relationship. Many insist on them being unrequited love but i couldn't really find any evidences that support this interpretation except Rellana's sword description in Eng because the Japanese version is different as it's says the fire & moon were always together .

Anon I am sorry I am so late fdhshf The usual: I was waiting to get to Messmer myself first after doing like 600 side things and then I forgor 😔

But for starters, a couple of funny things regarding the topic! First: I was actually dead sure they were canonically an item because of some thoughts I've heard from the fans early on!! And I got further into this confusion because I've misinterpreted Messmer's emblem as Fire + Twin Moon (since it is two circles overlapping and I first met it in the Castle Ensis), instead of Fire + Two Serpents that it IS! XD

Second: I was instantly confused by the description of Rellana's helmet, because Rennala has brown hair in both concept art portrait and the ingame model. So, the long black hair could not have been a cute parting gift, right....? Well, we resolved it with the help of analysing Japanese text more (this post ( x )), and turned out Rennala DID give her own hair! x) I suppose her hair, or the part that sticks from under the crown, became brown under prolonged strong Amber Egg's light exposure (basically same as sunlight)! However for a month I believed that Rennala simply helped Rellana to tweak her appearance with Amber Egg's magic to charm Messmer better because they knew long black hair was his taste HFSDHFDSGSDG XDDD

So, I was convinced that they were soooo married that they were proudly putting the symbol of alliance of Fire and Moon everywhere. The wording in English 'chase after Messmer' and fanart didn't help x) So.. now it had cleared up a little. As for the Japanese text you're referring to, me and @heraldofcrow asked someone else about it for clarification!

Japanese text breakdown from them is,

Ok, for the first one, she told me that the sentence/description, “ 月と火は、ここでは常に共にあった” has the word “常に” in it for “always.” (It’s “tsuneni” when Anglicized). This means “always, constantly.” So that one is correct. You have verify by even just looking up “tsuneni” in a Japanese dictionary, which I did. Seems right. So, yes the translation is “Moon and fire were constantly/always together here.”

I feel like this is further backed up by a certain other thing within Carians:

Notice how both swords also have identical skill; the use of sorcery with a normal attack after assuming the stance, and the use of fire with a strong attack! Both deal normal, magic and fire damage types! The only thing different is that since then, the celestial body representing the 'sorcery' part changed from stars to Moon, however Carians do not forget their roots!

So all flames, Messmer's included in the end, were an anathema to the Erdtree for the vision of the Cardinal Sin of burning it once (Fire Monks' incantations, Candletree Wooden Shield)!

I see it as Rellana deciding it was bullshit sentiment and actually sorcerers, whether Stars or Moon ones, were supposed to be allies to fire powers, like their origins intended! Liurnia/Carians and the Erdtree became allies after the war ended with Rennala's and Radagon's marriage... Whereas at first Rellana was okay with following the new obligation, for one reason or another she decided to REJECT THE MODERNITY AND EMBRACE THE TRADITION!

I am going to cuss localisation team again, because in Japanese original, the word that is here 'succor' is 癒 (月の輝きが、その男を癒せぬと知っていても) which means to heal! So, the sentiment is, her knowing that she could not fix him the horror plaguing him could not be treated, even with the magic/knowledge of Carians!

Black Knight Commander Andreas and his son Huw stood by Messmer until they've learned WHY Marika "abandoned her son". At this rate I need a T-Shirt that says 'You could never be Tanith' because I need it OFTEN in this DLC hfsdhfds . If Rellana knew of his affliction and still chose to stand by him, that puts her on the level with his Fire Knights, and even his snakes! And we know that Messmer still does need friends, not just his mom.

^ Unlike with the Cleanrot Knights of Malenia getting subjected to her Scarlet Rot by effect, Messmer's flame cannot infect others and it is just a curse for him and his two snake friends. However, Fire Knights attempted to share the burden with him and at least find the satisfaction in using his fire as is! Rellana is similar, because her fire sword IS serpentine and uses his fire:

(Video by Zullie the Witch ( x ))

After having all this context and clearing up my confusion, I think them having unrequited love is possible, but in the other way around! Say instead of her having "chased" him and him not feeling much in return, she had more ideals-fueled reasons to seek him and HE is the one hurting from not being loved the way he wishes!

According to Rogier sky sorceries of either king and the Erdtree were enemies, but sorcery and fire, on the other hand... And an "evil" kind of fire as well; the Fell God is literally named that, it is known as Flame of Ruin, even the Fire Giants carrying it for their god were said to have been burdened by it and it was an anathema to the Erdtree! Marika was not able to overcome her fear before the horror within Messmer although she tried her best to love him, but Rellana maybe decided 'yeah no shade to my sister's tastes but the plea to the Erdtree is kinda dumb, we sorcerers are supposed to be their enemies but allies to all kinds of evil fire! *looks at FF* EXCEPT THAT ONE' fsdhfds She could not heal him, but OG description of her sword makes it sound as though there is a "bigger idea" behind standing with him than just liking him. Aliance of sorcery and fire. She sees standing with him like more natural order and fate!

Messmer, on the other hand, would like to be liked (by her) on a more "primitive" level, without all that historical and philosophical nonsense! He is a person, not a symbol! ..but at the same time, he sorta knows he can't be. It is not just a problem with her, it is a problem with... everyone, really. He is carrying this curse and hates his fire, and to truly understand him would be to experience it the same way as he does. Something Fire Knights attempted to do, but it didn't work. But at the same time, he feels like even if he could infect people with his flame, he would not want to subject her to it in particular. With the Knights their honor kinda implies giving him their all, but despite her also being his blade he sees her as an equal! Someone who is better off not being burdened by his curse. Additionally, he already second-guesses whether he ruined her life by effect by """making""" her lose her right as a princess just to stand with him! Yeah, true, he needs Melina to lecture him on people's agency, but those with very low/negative opinion on selves OFTEN believe that they have more power over people than they actually do. Like they are "manipulating" them by literally just standing there (menacingly), and everything is always their fault..

So yeah! I think Rellana is a little 'clueless' about their bond, nor Messmer is doing enough to express his feelings! She sees them as Moon and Fire, not as Rellana and Messmer, and seems pretty content this way! He, on the other hand, would probably actually charm her romantically if he was not so gloomy and reclusive and put in conscious effort! He has a lot of charisma he is not using to get bitches when he CAN!! But he bounces between the 'why can't she like me in a more personal way?' vs 'wait, why WOULD she? it is better if she doesn't. damn I am an awful person as usual for wanting such thing.' ...🙄

They both have the capacity of developing relationship, but if Rellana is feeling attracted she is clueless about it simply because she won't think of it without being prompted to. With Messmer, he becomes STUPID vulnerable and self-conscious for multiple reasons pondering upon forming a bond this deep with her! I know it is an overused comedy trope, but picture Moonrithyll and [insert a Fire Knight] seeing the clear tension between the two and facepalming about how dumb they are about it XD Or, alternatively, trying to match-make them so they'd stop being so embarrassing and just fuck already lmaoooo fdghfsdg

__________________

Conclusion: both are too occupied with their own stuff to make a conscious effort towards it, but the potential and the tension is here! He has more talent for good romantic gestures and just the right tender things to say than he (or anyone else) realises that would make Rellana blush and stumble. Act slightly tsundereish, even, because she is not good at the "soft" things. She, on the other hand, is on more blunt side and her expressions of attraction would be passionate, and mostly vulgar I think. And that'd make HIM blush, because he is not good at THIS stuff! His style is some sentimental sweet line, her style is complimenting his slim ass or whatever fsdfsg Strong romantic energy from Messmer who dies at sexual commentaries, and strong sexual energy from Rellana who is no longer so tough at some nice poetry. Because they're "opposites" in such ways, there is a lot of awkwardness, but also a lot of dynamic!

(+A funnier interpretation is Messmer being romantic asexual that'd be still willing to have sex with someone he loves, and Rellana is aromantic sexual that'd still be okay with cuddles and kisses and stuff from someone she desires! They have each their own way to love and try to make it work. Just a more 'direct' version of the dynamic I've described previously, is this anything? xd)

[centrally-unplanned]

👀 are you interested in fire emblem and would you tell us your opinions of the franchise, I’d be very interested

I do like Fire Emblem! I have played FE6-8, smatterings of 9-10 (never owned them, played with friends), and all the games past Awakening/13. I did also play a bit of FE1, no shade on the limitations of the time of course but it sucks, not worth playing. So I am not a grand FE master but I have a lot of exposure to it.

I admire Fire Emblem for its simplicity of design & stakes - the combat system is "hit enemy, deal damage based on attack power - defense" kind of stuff, how everything works is super clear. All the complexity emerges on top of that. Your army is all individual people, permadeath means you need to pursue strategies with a lot of care such that difficulty doesn't get trivialized even if it is still easy (there is a big gap between "my odds of losing are 5% - exciting, I'm doing well!" and "my odds of losing are 0% - boring, why can't I skip this"). When it is doing its best you have a squad of guys with clear stakes and challenges that are overcome via smart kiting and tanking, it is rarely "did you equip the White Hooded Cat Ears to a unit with the Lapis Pendant to double proc a high initiative archer with Glacial Rain for opening gambit AOE freeze spam to prevent Featherknight Magic Guard from activating?" Which to be clear can also be a ton of fun, each game should just be its own thing - FE is just often best-in-class at its niche.

Fire Emblem also has great aesthetics, it aims for that "classy" style of fantasy typically and everyone authentically buys into all that nobility medieval stuff, which for a video game story can be fun vibes. I love their character designs, normally it is a game series with the right level of fanservice (Camilia -_-), and as someone who enjoys romance sideplots in video games FE typically gives you fun sidequests along those lines that sometimes has gameplay implications to boot - I loved the "eugenics simulator" of FE Awakening, as the fans affectionately called its system of child units inheriting traits from parent units. Tharja you are gonna torture Gaius for eternity via marriage because your faildaughter Noire needs Galeforce, I don't wanna hear any god damn objections okay?

As a series it is far from perfect, as anything running this long must be. The plots are normally "meh", in particular the series just doesn't care about logic that much? People do dumb shit alllll the time; FE7's plot is an absolute mess, Three House's story is hung together by macguffins and asspulls, and so on. It is better when it is simpler - in FE6, our boy Roy has gotta beat a bad guy, he conquering the world with dragons, oh no - great, no notes. More modern games need more involved plots due to market demand, but FE has not yet mastered it imo.

More modern games have also stacked complexity on the combat system - skills that proc, squads that attach to units, most recently "Engage rings" that buff and give spells. These can be good! The thing is the simplicity of say FE6 gets boring over so many hours, what works for a 10 hour game gets stale over 40, you need to grow. Sometimes they do that well - I thought Three Houses generally was smart on this front, the skills are more passive, the squads and gambits were (generally, they fucked up on movement buffs) flexible and didn't break things while giving you toys to play with. But Engage, while a good game, did get too complicated by half with many of its systems, and Awakening literally broke itself with pair-up & stacked skill procs, you can easily trivialize the whole game. And meanwhile to spike difficulty they would give every random enemy fighter different lethal skill procs that you would have to triple check every turn, a problems-beget-problems moment. But! I like that they are experimenting. Would have been real easy to capitalize on the success of Three Houses and just repeat it with Engage, but they didn't.

Also while permadeath is conceptually good, restarting a whole map because of a cheese crit is fucking awful, and I am glad modern games have time reset systems to obviate that. I do not play the older games without an emulator that can save state.

Tier listing the games I have played, lets see:

S Tier: Sacred Stones, Shadows of Valentia

A Tier: Three Houses, Blazing Sword

B Tier: Awakening, Engage, Binding Blade

C Tier: Fates

Edelgard best girl, and I think that covers it!

[moe-broey]

Peace and Love 🫡👍

Inspo/text under cut!

[aquilapolariz]

shame of the sea (portgas d. ace x reader)

Summary: You-and the stars and the ocean- bear witness to Ace’s secrets.

Notes/ Warnings: SPOILERS for Ace's background, follows canon, Ace flirts to cope and reader is nosy, there are probably some astronomy inaccuracies

Word Count: 2.2k | Read below the cut or on Ao3

Ace was on the edge of the deck, staring out at the night sky, the glittering stars gazing back at him. Behind him, Marco, Thatch, and you looked at him pensively, wondering whether or not he would accept the position of Second Division Commander. “He deserves it,” you whispered. “More than anyone here, he deserves it.”

Thatch and Marco nodded, their eyes not leaving the Whitebeard emblem on Ace’s back. But you, however, saw Ace’s fist clench and his shoulders tense. “Normally he’s filled with certainty, but I wonder what’s got him hesitating…” you trailed off, thinking out loud. You stared at his unclothed back. His broad shoulders, usually strong and poised as if only an earthquake could shake him, had fallen in defeat, his back hunched over in uncertainty. 

“Who knows?” Thatched mused.

“Whether or not he takes it, he’s our only option. A damn good one at that. Who can say no to such an offer?” Marco added.

You fired back a reply mentally- Only someone who’s scared of the duties of the position. Someone who doesn’t think they’re worthy. Someone who doesn’t believe they deserve it. Under his loyal, reckless, and confident persona, what did he keep concealed? 

Marco yawned, “Think I’m going to bed.” He raised his voice, “Ace! You got the night watch?”

Ace turned around, suddenly pulled out of his private conversation with the stars and back onto the wooden floorboards of the Moby Dick. “Yessir,” he said, flashing a relaxed smile. 

“Think about it a little more,” Thatch said to Ace while turning to follow Marco into the crew’s quarters. 

“Good night,” you said to the two of them. You slowly walked next to Ace, joining him on the railing of the deck. “You always seem sad when you think no one’s looking at you,” you said, an observation that you’ve taken notice of ever since Ace joined the Whitebeard crew. Despite that, every time since then, whenever his gaze would meet yours, his lips would curl into a smile. This time was no exception.

“Can’t take your eyes off me, can you?”

You ignored him, unfazed by his flirtatious remark. “Tell me- what are you thinking about, Fire Fist?” you asked sincerely. 

“Just-” he scrunched his face. “I’m not sure about this whole second division commander thing.” 

You hummed. “Well, if there are any concerns…you know you could talk to Pops about it.” Ace was never afraid to speak his mind to Whitebeard, both before and after he joined the crew. You wondered what was so heavy on his heart that he’d be afraid to speak to the man he called father.

“Yeah, I’ve been trying to work up the courage for that all night,” he said, smiling sheepishly.

“You could talk to me too, y’know. What’s on your mind, Ace?” you asked earnestly.

“You,” he said without missing a beat.

You rolled your eyes at his deflection. “You have way more important things to be thinking about.”

Ace grinned, shrugging. But he wasn’t lying. He always thought about you- what you’d think if he told you about the shame he carries with him, what you’d say, what you’d feel. In his heart he knew that you’d never look at him any differently, but did he even deserve your grace? Did he deserve to live a life where you were okay, even happy, with his existence? Being offered the position of Second Division Commander dug up fears he thought he forgot, fears he never knew he would have. Did he deserve to lead, to have lives in the palm of his hand? What would Whitebeard think once he found out he was working so closely with his rival’s son? The questions ran on and on in his mind. He would look to anything for an answer: the sun, the moon, the ocean, the stars, anything but his own crew. 

Below you, you watched the black abyss of the nighttime ocean, searching for your own answers, for anything to say to Ace. 

“What happened to living with no regrets?” you said quietly.

Ace’s eyes widened. “(Y/N)...”

You turned to look at him, your eyes boring holes into his own. “Whatever is holding you back, will it be stronger than your regret?”

He swallowed. No, nothing would be stronger than his regret- he wouldn’t let it. Placing his hand over yours, he held it and squeezed, seemingly transferring his warmth to you. “I think…you just gave me the courage to talk to Pops.” 

A mutual exchange, it seemed.

You sighed a breath of relief. “That’s grea-”

“Do you mind taking the night watch for a couple of minutes while I talk to him?”

“Wait, like, right now?” 

Ace nodded excitedly. How could you deny him?

“Okay,” you told him as your eyes softened.

“Thank you. Thank you so much, (Y/N). For everything.” He let go of his hand from yours, taking his warmth with it- a sobering observation of what life without Ace would be like. 

“No problem, Fire Fist.” Ace was already walking away. 

He headed towards the Captain’s Cabin on the deck, opening and entering the doorway to where Pops resided. You stared above you at the night sky, waiting patiently for the sound of the door to open, remembering that just moments ago that Ace was in your spot, having a silent discussion with the constellations above. You could make out a constellation in the North: Hercules, the shape of a man kneeling. Was he attacking an enemy? Was he kneeling from exhaustion? From shame? Still, as the minutes pass, the thoughts drift to Ace.

What made Ace doubt himself? There were so many possibilities. He is the Fire Fist Ace, a seemingly divine hero to many- what unknown burdens could a man like him hold? 

Tearing your eyes away from the constellation, you came to realize that the stars only raise more questions, rather than answering them. It’s no wonder Ace had stared at them so aimlessly, in the same way you did. You would only find your answers- and so much more- in him, not anywhere else.

“(Y/N)! Thanks for standing in,” Ace said from behind you, causing you to flinch a little. You turned around, leaning back on the port side of the ship. 

“Had a good father-son talk?”

“A great one.” Ace put both of his hands on your shoulders. “(Y/N)...don’t tell anyone else yet- I want it to be a surprise. I’m officially gonna be the Second Division Commander!”

You mirrored Ace, smiling brightly, relieved and proud. “Ace, this is huge!” Pulling him into a hug, he reciprocated instantly, wrapping his arms around you, carrying you and spinning you around. In the silence of the night, it felt like you two were the only ones on the ship, the stars looking down fondly and waves applauding you. A burden seemed to be lifted from his shoulders and into the night sky. 

Ace set you down, his smile never breaking. “Congrats, Fire Fist. You deserve it. More than anyone, you deserve it,” you told him, repeating what you had said to Marco and Thatch. 

His jaw dropped slightly, but he quickly recovered. “Thanks Firefly. You should probably head to bed now,” Ace said kindly, knowing that you’re never assigned to lookout. “I have the night watch.”

“I should,” you bit your lip, “but I think we should celebrate your new position. A little pre-party before the actual party with the whole crew. Plus, I can’t leave you alone- it’s not often I’m on the deck at night.” You scanned around the usually bustling ship. “It’s peaceful.”

Doubt flashed through Ace’s eyes. It didn’t go unnoticed by you. “I told you already. You deserve it. Now, let me grab some rum!” You quickly turned to head down to the galley, quietly walking through the lower deck. You grabbed two bottles and headed back up, not wanting to leave Ace alone with his thoughts for too long.

“Here you go,” you handed Ace the larger bottle as he thanked you. “Here’s to Fire Fist Ace, the Whitebeard Crew’s Second Division Commander!”

You clinked your bottles together, a sound both of you knew too well. Drinking together, with just the two of you, felt more intimate, more sacred. The moon softly lit the side of Ace’s face, his smile looking even brighter in the dark. 

“Why do you keep getting put on night watch? Doesn’t everyone know you’ll fall asleep in the middle of it?” you laughed.

“Good thing you’re here to keep me awake this time around.”

“You’re welcome, but don’t get used to it.”

“C’mon, you should join me on lookout from here on out,” Ace said as he pushed his shoulder against yours.

“Look at you, already spouting out orders as a division commander,” you replied as you pushed back. 

“That means you can’t say no.”

“I wasn’t planning to.”

Sitting on the wooden floor of the deck, shoulder to shoulder, between laughter and eye rolls, the two of you talked endlessly. 

“Now, what did Whitebeard say to make you take the job?” you asked, liquid courage fueling your curiosity. 

“Something like ‘we’re all children of the sea,’” Ace gave his best Whitebeard impression. 

“Please, never do that again,” you took a sip of rum. “What made him say that?” 

With every sip of rum, Ace’s lips were getting looser. “I told him something I never tell anyone.”

“And that is?”

Ace paused. Would you hate him if he told you the truth? Would you never speak to him again? But his thoughts stopped there, feeling guilty for thinking that you’d do something terrible to him. You disarmed him, but the alcohol made him feel even more exposed with nothing left to hide. He felt vulnerable, yet safe. 

And so he decided to surrender himself to you.

He took a deep breath. “I told Pops that-”

“You don’t have to tell me,” you said, truly meaning it.

Your words struck a chord within him, confirming that you could truly do no wrong, only further enticing him to share all his woes with you. He admitted absolute defeat, the words spilling out of his mouth before he could stop it. “I want to. (Y/N), I am Gol D. Roger’s son.”

You noticed that, despite shedding his inhibitions, he still had the sense to choose those words carefully; it was I’m Gol D. Roger’s son rather than my father is Gol D. Roger. 

You tried your best to hide your surprise, but it showed as soon as you let your jaw drop. “Portgas D. Ace?” you said questioningly, his name slowly forming on your tongue. 

“My mom’s name. It was Portgas D. Rouge.”

You looked at him, silently urging him to continue. And so he did. Memories of being treated like the devil’s offspring, of being raised by a navy admiral were spoken into words, received by your nods, beckoning him to go on and on. “I don’t wanna regret anything. I just wanna live life the way I want and to feel like I deserve to live that way.”

Whitebeard’s cabin was only a couple feet away from the two of you. You silently thanked your captain. “It’s like Pops said, we’re all children of the sea. The ocean is… this great equalizer. You are you and…I like that, Roger’s son or not. M’glad Pops knocked some sense into you. Not only do you deserve the position, but you deserve to be here.” 

“Heh, figured you’d say that,” Ace said.

You shook your head. “But you don’t believe me.”

“Can’t get anything past you.”

“Yeah, so there’s no use trying to.”

Ace took the final sip of his drink, only drops of amber coming from the rim of the bottle. “Thank you,” he looked at you, his gaze forcing you to hold your own on him, “for understanding me.” 

Ace, the shame of the sea and burden of the brine, wanted to believe the silver-laced affirmations of yours; he wished the bullets of your words would penetrate his thickheaded skull and make him think he was truly worthy.

But they didn’t. And to him, that didn’t matter. He was just glad that you could be the one to justify his existence when he couldn’t bring himself to. He couldn’t complain. 

“If only you saw yourself through my eyes,” you yawned. 

Ace fell silent, reluctant to even look at you. 

You let your head rest on the uncomfortable wooden deck and stared at the stars that seemed to shine brighter than they did before. Taking one last look at the constellation of Hercules, it was clear to you now that he was kneeling in exhaustion. Maybe tomorrow he would kneel fearlessly over his enemies, triumphant and sure. But for now, he only looked down upon the seas with shame. 

“What did the stars tell you earlier?” you asked.

“I guess,” he tilted his neck up to see the Herculean pattern of stars, “they told me that I’m the one who decides what I’m gonna be.”

With no words to fill the void, you closed your eyes, the waves of alcohol and the ocean rocking you to sleep.

[hehearse]

god i love your art of sctir, please tell us your thoughts about it? like how do you come across it, what's your first impression of it, and what do you think of it now?

sctir?? I THINK i saw it in a recently updated list on some sort of site i shan't name and i saw "raised" part and went "oh..... is it about teaching or something along these lines?? gotta try that out". because i've been somewhat intrigued by anything related to teaching ever since fire emblem three houses and working as a . teacher assistant? teacher? as practice at uni.

ANYWAY. that's how and why. as for first impressions i ALSO don't remember (sorry i have no memory of anything) but i think i've read manhwa only for a while. and at some point i saw people commenting how novel is much better and novel yoojin is much more cynical and entertaining. so i gathered intel (someone's personal opinion), googled the novel and now i am here. totally normal about it.

gonna say that i don't think i drew anything before starting the novel? cause sometimes books/manhwa/etc feel to me like they've got enough of themselves. i don't need anything extra. and manhwa was like that. but then the novel happened, and the added layers and characterisation and yoojin's inner thoughts and and..... anyway i am very happy i at some point got interested enough in teaching adjacent media to get tricked by the title ^^ now i got a brain full of the bestest boy ever (yoohyun) and his dearest sweetest brother (yoojin) who both never did anything wrong and if they did they were correct to do so. ^^