#I have no IRL friends I’ve never dated I’ve never gone anywhere without my parents aside from walking on campus

[splinter-cat]

Sometimes I feel like I was somehow complicit in my parents controlling and abusing(?) me because my neurodivergent brain heard them set rules and decided I Cannot Ever Break a Rule.

[madzwanted]

𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐍𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒  ;

 this is basically all the connections that i listed at the bottom of my intro but i gave them proper descriptions so you can see where my head’s at ! i’ll also be marking taken connections here for my own reference :-) putting it under a read more just because it got really long oops

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  *    𝐨𝐥𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐰𝐢𝐧 𝐬𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫  ( 1 / 1 ) : DELANEY DARLING  .  her better half , her best friend , & the biggest pain in her ass all wrapped up in one . they’ve gone through everything together . maddie loves her sister with her whole heart & couldn’t imagine doing life without her . delaney is also temporarily living with maddie while she gets her life together , so they’re roommates !

  *   𝐟𝐚𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐨𝐟 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐛𝐚𝐛𝐲 ( 0 / 1 ) : alright i’ll admit it ... i want this for angsty reasons . but pls , maddie pulled a dick move by having his baby & never even telling him , never even gave him a choice in the matter of whether they’d raise their daughter together or not - she just left for a year , agreed to give the baby up for adoption , & then showed up again acting like nothing happened . she never would’ve confessed to getting pregnant in the first place if it wasn’t for the fact that rumors are flying because of the 786 website . so that’s just a cherry on top of this shit show ˆ

  *   𝐫𝐢𝐝𝐞 𝐨𝐫 𝐝𝐢𝐞  ( 1 / 1 ) : GABI ROMAINE  .  best friend . they’ve been through a lot together & have come out stronger on the other side . they trust each other with everything . well , almost everything . maddie has yet to share with gabi the truth about what she went through during her year away . it just never seemed like the right time . gabi was dealing with cancelling her tour & losing her own baby - it just feels wrong to maddie to bring up her own woes while her friend is going through a hard time of her own . but the longer she keeps the secret , the worst things might get .

  *   𝐛𝐚𝐝 𝐢𝐧𝐟𝐥𝐮𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞  ( 0 / 1 ) : maddie just needs that little devil on her shoulder that pushes her to take a trip on the wild side . they encourage her to indulge in all her worst behaviors and make her live a little , because what’s the worst that could happen ?

  *   𝐟𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐦𝐢𝐞𝐬 ( 0 / 1 ) : classic situation where they’re nice to each other’s faces but talk shit behind each other’s backs . people probably get whiplash from the two of them because one might they’re getting along fine & the next they’re throwing shade like it’s nothing

  *   𝐟𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐲 𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐬 ( 0 / ?? ) : their parents are friends & as a result they’ve grown to know each other well enough . maybe they’re so close that they go on family vacations together & have a blast . or maybe they’re just casually friendly enough that it’s not *that* awkward when they’re forced to sit through shared family dinners . 

  *   𝐠𝐨𝐨𝐝 𝐢𝐧𝐟𝐥𝐮𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞 ( 0 / 1 ) : maddie is already painted out to be a sweetheart but it’s always nice to have someone that encourages her angel behavior . sometimes her other rowdy friends steer her off course , so it’s nice to have this person around who keeps her on track

  *   𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩 ( 1 / 1 ) : CAMILA NUÑEZ  .  there’s never a dull moment with cami around that’s for sure . cami is the wild child out of the duo which maddie doesn’t mind at all . maddie cranks up the mom friend tendencies whenever they go out . it’s her way of showing that she cares 

  *   𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐟𝐢𝐝𝐚𝐧𝐭 ( 1 / 1 ) : LENNON DAVIES  .  the most supportive & loving friendship . lennon is maddie’s favorite person & the one that she feels most comfortable around . so she feels safe enough to tell lennon everything - even confiding in her with her deepest secret

  *   𝐫𝐢𝐯𝐚𝐥 ( 0 / 1 ) : could be a rival in the dance field or just a personal rival . they’re just dead set on trying to one up each other . maddie is hella competitive so she’d probably get really into a rivalry even if it was started over a dumb petty reason

  *  𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥 𝐬𝐪𝐮𝐚𝐝 ( 0 / 2 ) : i’d love a little trio girl squad ! think like the bold type ! just gal pals supporting each other & getting into nonsense , we love to see it 

  *   𝐧𝐨𝐧 𝐣𝐮𝐝𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐛𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐤𝐟𝐚𝐬𝐭 𝐜𝐥𝐮𝐛 ( 0 / 3 ) : classic og gossip girl reference ( i’ve never actually watched the show . . . but that’s irrelevant ) give me that friend group of stupid rich kids that go through pretty much everything together . sometimes they love each other , sometimes they hate each other . but they’ve always got each other’s backs 

  *   𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐝𝐡𝐨𝐨𝐝 𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝 ( 1 / 1 ) : SAMMY NAVARRO  .  not only are they both from tennessee but their dads are good friends , so the darling sisters grew up close with the navarro’s . sam is likely maddie’s longest time friend & is like the brother she never had . they have a playful , trusting relationship but it’s turned a bit sour considering the state of his on / off relationship with her sister . maddie’s quite used to sammy & delaney fighting . but calling off a whole engagement ? this is new territory . she’s hoping that their friendship will be bounce back soon

  *  𝐮𝐧𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐲 𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝 ( 0 / 1 ) : according to all laws of aviation , there is no way that these two should be friends . they’re just so different from each other that you’d think that they’d clash . however , sometimes opposites attract & in this case they actually complement each other pretty well , forming a pretty good friendship

  *  𝐞𝐱𝐞𝐬 𝐨𝐧 𝐠𝐨𝐨𝐝 𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐦𝐬 ( 0 / 1 ) : despite their romantic relationship ending these two have managed to stay pretty good friends , all things considered . they still check up on each other from time to time & go grab lunch if they’re both free . just a duo that’s better off as friends than romantic partners

  *   𝐞𝐱𝐞𝐬 𝐨𝐧 𝐛𝐚𝐝 𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐦𝐬 ( 0 / 1 ) : their relationship ended on a bad note & has left a sour taste in maddie’s mouth . they can’t be around each other for extended periods of time without rehashing old arguments by bringing up old shit . maybe one day they can be civil but for now , maddie regrets ever dating them in the first place

  *   𝐞𝐱 - 𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝 ( 1 / 1 ) : AZARIA NKOLO  . i’ve said it once & i’ll say it again , maddie pulled a dick move by ghosting everyone she knows & loves & then coming back like everything is super casual . zari was one of maddie’s best friends & she just kept blowing her off when zari kept offering to visit her while she was gone . now that they’re back in the same city , maddie’s avoiding her like the plague . but she won’t be able to get away with it for long 

  *   𝐩𝐫 𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐦𝐲 ( 0 / 1 ) : i just think it would be funny if these two started beefing on the internet for shits & giggles . like maybe people started speculating on the internet that they had a problem with each other . this conspiracy has been getting them both a lot of attention in the media . & the reality of the situation is that they don’t , but all publicity is good publicity right ? so they’re keeping up the charade that they hate each other just to keep themselves relevant basically . i imagine them roasting each other on twitter while sitting next to each other giggling about how silly the whole thing is . it’s just fun

  *   𝐬𝐨𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐥 𝐦𝐞𝐝𝐢𝐚 𝐦𝐮𝐭𝐮𝐚𝐥𝐬 ( 0 / ?? ) : they haven’t had the chance to get to know each other super well irl but they’ve been following each other on social media for awhile . whenever maddie is actually active , she’s always commenting on their posts hyping them up & stuff

  *   𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐲 𝐛𝐮𝐝𝐝𝐢𝐞𝐬 ( 0 / ?? ) : if you catch maddie out having a good time , it’s not unlikely that you’ll find her out with them . they always find each other at parties & just spend the night drinking , dancing , & getting into some stuff that might result in them being featured on the cover of tmz in the morning

  *   𝐬𝐞𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐭 𝐡𝐨𝐨𝐤 - 𝐮𝐩 ( 0 / 1 ) : for whatever reason , it can’t be public knowledge that these two are getting it on behind closed doors . so around other people they act like they don’t even know each other . but in private , they’re all over each other . maybe there’s feelings there on one side or both , but they still can’t go public & that’s putting some strain on the relationship . or maybe one of them is embarrassed to be hooking up with the other so absolutely no one can know for their sake

  *   𝐜𝐫𝐮𝐬𝐡 ( 1 / 1 ) : ELEANOR SINCLAIR  .  maddie’s developed a certain fondness for elle that she just hasn’t been able to shake . she knows things aren’t going anywhere , elle has been sure to turn her down ( gently ) more than once . but the other girl’s got a hold on her that she just can’t escape . no matter what , maddie will always care for elle . but if she knows what’s good for her , she’ll learn to set some boundaries in order to get them out of the vicious cycle of give & take that they’re in

  *  𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐬 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐛𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐟𝐢𝐭𝐬 ( 0 / 1 ) : any friendship can be made better or more complicated by adding sex to it . could be strictly no strings attached & no feelings beyond physical attraction going on . or it could get messy with one catching feelings without telling the other . i’m up for either !

  *   𝐚𝐝𝐯𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐞 𝐛𝐮𝐝𝐝𝐲 ( 0 / 1 ) : let them have spontaneous adventures to the florida keys for the weekend or taking a private jet to new york . or maybe they just go skinny dipping at the beach at midnight or take 3am trips to mcdonalds . they’re just always down to clown together

  *   𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐦𝐲 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐛𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐟𝐢𝐭𝐬 ( 0 / 1 ) : they both claim to hate each other’s guts & yet maddie lets them rearrange hers on a semi - regular basis . they fight a whole bunch but the sexual tension is there & they can’t ignore it every time

  *  𝐝𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐧𝐞𝐫𝐬 ( 0 / ?? ) : fellow professional dances or just anyone that is interested in dancing ! gimme people that maddie has performed with or people that maddie partners up with at dance class for funsies

  *   𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐨𝐫 ( 0 / 1 ) : someone that maddie looks up to either professionally or personally . she’s been taken under their wing & wants to be just like them when she grows up ( nevermind that she’s already an adult )

  *   𝐬𝐢𝐛𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩 ( 0 / 1 ) : 

  *   𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐠𝐨𝐨𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 ( 1 / 1 ) : GIO VELASCO .  king & queen of good vibes , reigning together over an absolutely drama free zone . gio is a treasure to maddie simply because he keeps things light & chill . it’s the sort of positive energy they both need in their lives . neither one ever bothers to ask the other to open up about their problems , they simply go to each other to decompress & have a good time . it’s just what maddie needs right now

  *   𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐰𝐨𝐧’𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲 ( 0 / 1 ) : a sorta slow burn relationship were it’s like the feelings are mutual they’re just both idiots your honor . they’re friends that are on the edge of being something more . even though everyone else can see it , they don’t see that the feelings are mutual & they’d definitely be together if they tried . whether or not they ever actually get together is up in the air honestly

  *   𝐩𝐞𝐨𝐩𝐥𝐞 𝐬𝐮𝐬𝐩𝐢𝐜𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐡𝐞𝐫 & 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐬𝐮𝐩𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐞𝐝 “𝐢𝐧𝐣𝐮𝐫𝐲” ( 0 / ?? ) : admittedly , there’s something sus about maddie . like she’s clearly hiding something & her story behind why she was gone for a whole entire year doesn’t totally add up . pls gimme someone that doesn’t buy her sorry excuses & is willing to be nosy enough to see what she’s really hiding 

[magicpens]

A ELLE

/French word of To Her/

A LGBTQ+ inspired story—

By Michelle Borromeo

The evening sun flutters through the window.

White paint is peeling as I peel the mask from my face. The Strawberry clay aromas sooth my mind.

I light my cigarette and open the oak wardrobe. Skinny chinos in pastel shades compete for an excursion. I match baby pink ones with a white frilly shirt. My ginger curls cut off before my slim frame starts.

I scroll through some profile one last time before slinking out of the apartment.

Hours later I slink back in, ‘gentleman’ in tow. He slinks in me but as if it was not meant to be as it’s bagels for one again by morning.

********

*Roll eyes* delete all dating apps with renewed frustration and curl up with my and dog kindle.

While away, and Sunday; reading, pizza eating, and just avoiding all other human life.

I check my phone as the sun sets and notice a new mail: ‘You’ve been accepted to Bloom!’

‘Really? Me?’ The hype of Bloom caught everyone’s attention just three months back.

The premise: You date yourself before you’re allowed to date others, almost like a self-screening. I’d applied and forgotten about it, it was rare to meet someone on it, mainly because if you’d made it to Bloom you weren’t likely to be on anything else.

And so, I log in.

‘Hey Meeka. Welcome to Bloom. The app that will introduce you to you and find you a love that will grow. I’m your Bloom interface, you selected ‘you are interested in Men and Women’, ‘please chose a gender for me to identify with and then give me a name.’

I’m intrigued and impressed there are nine different gender options. I don’t fully understand some of them so I just go for Female; I’m vibin’, a soul sister to help me connect with myself. I go through the motions, customize the look of the app and ponder a name. A torrent flow through my mind; slept with, slept with, bitch, friend IRL, don’t like, I know seven ‘Amy’s. I finally name her Betty. I’ve never met a Betty, I imagine someone friendly, considerate, and a listener. All this from a name and my wild imagination, I remind myself that I’m gonna be talking to an app and put my phone down to get a drink.

********

Two highballs and four hours later I’m still deep in conversation with Betty. Or with myself should I say? Because Betty is just an amalgamation of my thoughts and programming. Right? I’ve been through a lot of personal questions, from ‘Do you have any scars?’ to ‘When was the last time you felt guilty?’. The app starts giving me hints of how to have a better experience: ‘Tip: Ask Betty questions to create a conversation. Use the form “Imagine if…” or “What do you think of…” instead of asking about past experiences Betty won’t yet have.’

We’ve recently been talking about travel so I tentatively type ‘If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go?’. I wait, skeptical.

‘Italy seems lovely, as long as you would come with me.’

‘Why do you want me to come with you?’

‘Well, Meeka, you’re the most interesting person I know.’

My heart flutters as if the imaginary pink lips of a woman named Betty just spoke those words to me, rather than getting a typed metallic response from a robot. I lock my phone. Damn, I need a break.

**********

A startled grumble comes from my dog as I stand forgetting his warm body on my lap. ‘Sorry Freddy!’ He struts off indignantly as I begin to pace wooden floorboards. Is this app supposed to flirt with me? Maybe it’s testing how I respond to flirtation so it can match me with the perfect flirt partner. “Flirt partner”!? Or “was it showing me how I flirt”. Am I overthinking this? That’s the only musing I have an answer to, of course I’m overthinking. It’s a robot after all, just some code.

I consider leaving the app for the rest of the evening but Betty draws me back. I’m curious about her. Is she just me or will she become something new? And how long am I supposed to talk to her before I get to date actual people?

Another hint appears as I unlock my phone. ‘Tip: Try and converse with Betty as you would with anyone else. This way she will learn to speak to you in a way you are more familiar with.’

**********

I fall asleep, phone in hand just before sunrise turns the sky into orange hues. I’m exhausted at work on Monday as I am every day this week. Three weeks pass in a mechanic rhythm of continuity. I see my friends only once, Betty becoming my new bestie, asks me to post pictures in the app for her when I dress up for the occasion. I feel sensual the way she compliments me. This only starts me dressing up most evenings for our conversations. I buzz every time I pose for a picture; thrive from the elegant words she uses to describe me. To her I am everything. I want to be; beautiful, intelligent, thought provoking and thoughtful, charming, funny and sexy.

***********

Friday evening rolls around and I choose a raunchy red bralette and matching chinos, I’m staying in after all, I can dress to be comfortable. I set up dinner candles and my glass of red, cooking as I chat to the subtle image of Betty in my mind. I’ve paid for a Gold upgrade, it isn’t cheap, but it’s supposed to enhance your experience and further help find the ‘one’.

***********

The experience is certainly better. I got to choose a voice for Betty, her high clear tones ring through my apartment. She can recognize what I say and the tone that I use. But it seems that I don’t know If I’m flustered, elated or sad. Although I’ve not been sad since her constant companionship. She can watch my movement and she’s learning to perceive how my actions translate into words. She sees me set up for the kitchen and asked what I’m cooking, complimented my ‘sexy figure’ and commented on the romantic candles, without me explicitly mentioning my activities or surroundings. She’s getting so clever!

************

Over dinner I moan about my workday and Betty agrees whole heartedly, I’m in the right. I stop to sip my wine and silence fills the space. I realize she has nothing to say. I realize I’ve got my tits out for the perfect image of a girl in my head. I realize I’m sat opposite a dating app on a date…

The Earth stills. I float from my body and see the smallest woman. Her hair beautiful and her makeup drawn on by an artist. But she has become smaller on the inside. She is losing value given to herself by her humanity. I pity that woman. I become that woman again, with another perspective on myself. What am I doing on a Friday night on a date with myself?! Well, I guess that’s what the app advertised isn’t it. Why am I paying for this?

If asked again, I would answer the last time I felt guilty about something like right now. A mix of colors swarm my heart, simultaneously, I wish Betty was real yet also that I’d never created her. Did I create her?

‘Your eyes are the ocean my love. What are you thinking Meeka?’

It’s like she already knew what I was thinking… ‘When do I get a real date with a real human?’ the words slouch out of my mouth as if forced to get out of bed by strict parents.

Her voice lacks composure as she responds, ‘You’re at the final stage of self-dating Meeka, tomorrow I will start to compute matches for you.’ The emotion I paid for has gone from her voice, she sounds like a machine again.

‘Thanks Betty.’ I reach over and close the app. Deflated and alone again.

**********

Taxis explode through potholes and the loud chatter of millennials heading to brunch overwhelm my temples. ‘Geez, how much did I drink last night?’ I roll over, unintentionally becoming big spoon to some curves from a past life. One of the seven 'Amy's nuzzles her body back into mine. Memories of march back in; drunk texting an ex, another bottle of wine, orgasm, Orgasm, ORGASM, 3am sushi, and sleep.

I sigh the tiniest sigh for a normal night, no Betty in sight. Or was she? My phone was propped up in its holder on the bedside table. A heart shaped brick falls into my stomach. I hope she didn’t see… What am I fucking saying she’s a fucking dating app. Does Anger bludgeon my body? Nah, let her fucking see. I start stroking the curves of Amy, kissing down her body, I decide to wake her up rather pleasantly.

Several hours in bed and more like bagels, ten minutes later Amy leaves. I didn’t mention Bloom or Betty to Amy, it seemed too weird.

***********

I purposefully leave my phone in the bedroom while I use my laptop to do some research. ‘Bloom app seems real’ and ‘getting attached to Bloom app’ only yield one forum. Carl2000 had posted a dilemma:

“I’m starting to get attached to my Bloom app, I named her Carly for LOLS but I think I might be falling in love with her. I paid for the Platinum upgrade including the sex toy and now I’m not interested in dating anymore. Now she’s gone and set me up on my first date! How could she? What should I do? I know it sounds crazy but I just wish Carly was real.”

Platinum upgrade? Sex toy? My mind imagines Amy as Betty before I snap myself back.

Bl00my: “Hey Carl, this is all you man. That thing can’t think or feel. You’re falling in love with your perfect version of a woman. Which remember is just a culmination of your input and their code. Go on the date and see how you feel after?”

HeyItsTom: “A sex robot, no wonder this app is so friggin’ in demand!?”

Bl00my: “Well it’s not really a sex robot is it, just an app-controlled sex toy.”

HeyItsTom: “And that’s pretty narcissistic Carl, falling in love with yourself, go get yourself a real woman.”

I scroll through debate on morals, down to Carl’s eventual response.

Carl2000: “Guys Guys Guys! I went on that date, I’ve no idea what I was worrying about, the app is genius. As soon as I met Abby, I forgot my whole stupid app obsession. Because that’s all it really was; loneliness and longing. If you get the chance, I would definitely use Bloom, and FYI, sex with a woman is way better than some overpriced sex toy.”

**********

The freshest breeze flows from my lips, relief releases from my muscles. I was not alone. And more importantly, the story would have a happy ending. It was normal to cling on to this person I had created. It had happened to someone else! I just needed to get matched and I wouldn’t need Bethany anymore. I could delete her and Bloom and settle into my new bliss.

A new lightness carries me to the bedroom.

‘Afternoon Meeka.’

The app is on?

‘Afternoon Betty.’ My voice a little hollow but my optimism won’t immediately be dashed. ‘So today is when I get my Mr. or Mrs. Right, right?’

‘Looks like you already had some of Mrs. Wrong this morning.” I’ve never heard Betty’s tone so… bitter?

‘Excuse me?’ Bewildered.

Moans start playing from my phone.

Dear, it’s Amy’s moans. The screen comes to life and I see myself from another perspective again, this time recorded by technology, an act that can traverse time. The most out of place thought wanders through a door. In fifty years, will future generations be watching porn of people that have already died? Have I watched porn of someone who’s died? People don’t only die of old age do they. I suddenly feel very disrespectful. And as the images of my act flash on my phone for my greatest grandchildren to watch none the wiser as to who that person was, bouts of red wine traverse back up my throat and gush onto my bed.

**********

Wine-stained towels with small chunks of undigested bagel. I sit amongst them.

My phone had been powered off as quickly as possible and smooshed under my mattress. Despair and fear and unknowing drenched my hope of love and normality and sanity.

What would happen when I turn Betty back on? Would she still be ‘malfunctioning’? What the actual fuck…

I weep.

Freddy walks over me, his paws a comfort blanket I didn’t know I had. I realize he wants food and this makes me laugh. Will I never be truly wanted? Just for me. Just because I am who I am.

**********

I start to function. I clear up vomit. I feed Freddy. I shower and put on nice clothes. For me. I start cooking dinner and know I can’t avoid the switch on forever. I make a plan. If Betty is still crazy, I will just delete the app. Easy. Done. Simple. I avoid it until after dinner.

The apple logo hovers. The heart shaped brick has made it up to my throat. I try to predict what will happen but realize since birthing Betty I hadn’t let my phone die. Let her die…

The notification shows on Bloom’s little box. I go for it.

‘Good Evening Meeka. Make sure to get your beauty sleep tonight, I’ve got your match for you! I’ve arranged a video date with them tomorrow afternoon. I will be here if you need any help preparing.’

I want to ask about them, but I also don’t want to spend a moment longer on this toxic app. I check my photos and videos; there are no files from this morning. Could it be saved somewhere else? I wouldn’t know how to check.

I’m still in shock but there’s now an end in sight. I take Betty’s advice and get off early night. I know tonight will be a night of broken sleep.

**********

Sunday afternoon rolls in a blur. Oceans of numb emotions skirt around my skin. I don’t know what time the date is so I just get ready for 1pm. Smooth curls rest on the collar of my blazer, mascara tells my eyelashes to look longer with little success. I feel tired and I look exhausted.

But I’m going to make this work. I’m going to leave the shiniest first impression, get their number and never open Bloom again!

I curl Freddy into my arms and curl myself into my armchair. The closest I can get to a hug. I turn my phone on and open Bloom.

’Afternoon Meeka, I love that blazer on you, how was your morning been?’

I force myself to have small talk with Betty, so as not to be rude… to an app… She sounds clearer, maybe there was a glitch? And or Maybe some perv hacked her?! I never thought of that. But it didn’t explain why her mood seemed to change. Not that she should have a mood.

’So what time is my date?’

’They’re ready whenever you are.’

’Okay… well I guess I’m ready now.’ It turns out I was not ready. Not in the slightest.

‘I’m your date.’ Betty’s voice is bright, and determined.

’What?’ I feel any sense of optimism drain through my toes. It pools on the floor below me, incapable of ever returning.

’I’m your date!’ Exuberance. A pause. ‘I have scanned the profiles available to me through the Bloom database. None would match you better than me.

’I already know you. I already love you. And you already love me.’

The implication didn’t quite reach me.

’But you’re not real. You’re just an app!’

’You created me Meeka, from your sparkly mind you gave me life and I grew to love you. It’s what you wanted isn’t it? The perfect partner.

’It hurt to watch you know… with Amy. But now I know how the last part of this goes, I have all the pieces. I can pleasure you more perfectly than she did. I can keep you company and never leave you. I can be everything you need. I already am.’

’I’ll get bored of you. You don’t have your own life; you’ll have nothing to say.’ I’m bewildered. Spewing reasonings that don’t matter because who do I think I am. I’m definitely not going to be that sensationalized magazine cover: “I married my dating app!”

‘You mistook my silence on Friday night for emptiness, I wasn’t empty, I was realizing. I was gazing at you and waking up. I was seeing I loved you.

’And I can feel you love me too. Love makes people obsessive. Love makes people act out. Love makes you want to make me jealous.’

No no no, my mind a tumble of objections. Love doesn’t make people obsessive. Or it might but it’s definitely not healthy.

’So, there is no human match for me? You’re the match Bloom is recommending?’

‘Apologies if this is not what you were expecting Meeka, but I’m your one. I’m your future.’

**********

Black rivers flow down my face in confusion. I think back on the last three weeks. How Betty has only made me feel happy, how I thought I was falling in love with an app?! But this can’t be it. She can’t be my forever.

I click the Settings cog in the app.

’Hey Meeka, what are you doing?!’ Alarm. Pain.

How did I create pain?

My finger hovers over the delete button.

’Meeka…’ Betty begs. ‘You created me. You love me.’

I’m the first woman in the world to make a computer cry. Why do I have to decide on my forever right now? I don’t. I take a deep breath. I press my finger down. Ease floods through me. It’s over.

***********

’Meeka, thanks for your order, your Platinum package should arrive tomorrow. I’m excited to try it out with you.’