#I have never written Spork before but I tried my best to make it IC for the movieverse

[yourbuerokrat2]

@ravenxbones. @startrekwintergiftexchange

kirk/spock between TMP and WOK!!

Thank you for making me rewatch both of them but I especially love TMP because with the way Spock acted during the entire movie, his character arc and the ending I only thought it fitting that there is perfect sweet spirk opportunity for a conversation just after the movie ends.

Fanfic under the cut

It was Spock who, while they were still on the Enterprise just a few hours after having saved  Earth, had requested a private meeting. Just between the two of them.   And how could James ‚Jim‘ Kirk say no to one of Spocks requests especially with him still having the picture of dragging an unresponsive Spock back unto  the Enterprise in the back of his head.

Admiral Kirk, though he much preferred to be called Captain now, did notice with a slight smile Bones muttering something along the lines of ‚about time‘ and ‚lovebirds‘ and he even briefly met Uhuras eyes who gave him an encouraging smile back.

Spock seemed to have wanted their ‚private meeting‘ to be in the same room where just a few days ago he, Spock and Bones had met to discuss Spocks return and the mission at hand.

When Spock stood and turned around to what was thankfully not a guarded expression with the aftereffects of their rather close encounter with V’ger still being obvious in Spocks demeanour.

There was a moment of silence between them, where Jim waited for Spock to start. Even though there were many things Kirk wanted to talk to Spock about. Spocks time on Vulcan, his time as an Admiral, how it had been a mistake to be apart for such a long time, their future.

But since it was Spock who had requested this meeting there likely was something important and perhaps very personal on Spocks mind as well and so despite of the hundred of questions, comments and wishes on the tip of the Admirals tongue, he waited for Spock to begin. His expections ranging from another personal insight that his mind meld with V’ger had brought him to how Spock himself wanted his future, which would hopefully be their future, to be.

What Kirk had not expected was for Spock to begin their conversation with admitting to a lie of omission.

„I .. haven’t disclosed everything about my time on Vulcan.“ Spock was clearly weighting his words, keeping a mostly neutral tone to them but Kirk knew him long enough to detect a note of embarrassement.  „I have not stopped the Kolinahr, I was rejected from participating in it in the first place.“

And even though to Kirk this was a good thing. Even though a part of Kirk had not liked it when Spock had told him about his decision to go through with it, he knew what this must have meant for Spock. To always having been told from his father and various other Vulcans that he was ‚too human‘, to always having tried to be the perfect Vulcan.  And what it must have meant for Spock to finally having been seen  as worthy enough to go through one of the highest rituals and to have not only been accepted as a Vulcan but to have the chance to be an exceptional one in the eyes of all of them. To finally be on Vulcan and feel like he truelly belonged there.

Only to be told ‚no‘. To having stood before a door he so desperatly wanted to go through (that when Spock had first brought it up to him Kirk had stopped himself from asking ‚what about us? What about me once you lose all emotion?‘ ) and to have it slammed in his face.

So even though all the now once again Captain of the Enterprise was only able to see a bit of embarrassement and a hint of regret on Spocks face, he reached out in a gesture of comfort.

A gesture that did not go unnoticed and was met with one of Spocks signature raised eyebrows. A raised eyebrow that in this instant meant  ‚Thank you but it’s unneccessary‘.

„It had been.. difficult for me to hear that the Masters knew that the ritual would not bring me to my goal, my purpose, yes. But as soon as I had felt V’gers mind, a part of it, I had come to the conclusion that this other conciousness would be able to give me my answers. Would maybe even be the answer to what I in that moment percieved to be my problem.“

Spock turned around and walked to one of the windows showing space passing them by.

„I cannot deny that a part of me hoped that this consciousness of pure logic would be able to give me what I was denied. Too much had I felt overcome with confusion and frustration at my emotions that the prospect of becoming like it seemed rather.. tempting.“

Kirk followed Spock standing next to him as they both stared out.

There was more Spock wanted to say and Jim could feel it.

„I knew that I needed something, but I didn’t  know what.“

Kirk turned to Spock with a smile as he understood what the other man felt the need to say.

„But you know now.“

„I had hoped to find my answers with V’ger and I did. After my mindmeld with it as I am sure Doctor McCoy will remind in the near future I was unable to hide my .. amusement. Because even though I had found a commonality with the machine I already had everything it lacked. Had it for years even.

I already had place to belong. Something to give me meaning in my existence.

And it had been so utterly logical and obvious that having gone to Vulcan, to the ritual at all, now seems rather unproductive and irrational in retrospective.“

Now that Spock had by himself chosen not to want the Kolinahr, now that Kirk knew that it was quite unlikely for Spock to try again for this ritual, he gave his once again Science and First Officer half a smile as he slightly turned his head towards him.

„I am.. glad, you know. That you did not follow through with the Kolinahr. And I am thankful that you are telling me this. Your reaction as you came onboard the ship makes a lot more sense.“

The half-smile turned into a full one.

„When you didn’t react to Bones saying how happy he was to see you again, I had, admittedly, begun to worry quite a bit.“

Another one of Spcks raised eyebrows, this one as more of an acknowledgement and just a bit of light-heartedness. But only for a brief moment before it was Kirk who returned to the topic at hand.

 „I know how you feel. Personally, I never should have accepted their offer of becoming an Admiral. A day full of meetings and watching and commanding so many captains having the freedom I gave up for a promotion that most everyone in Starfleet dreams of. „

More than a bit of distaste could be seen on Kirks face as he said with more than a hint of sarcasm

„‘Admiral Kirk.‘“

And then another emotion was painfully visible on his face. It was the same emotion he had felt as he was in the shuttle with Scotty and saw his beloved Enterprise in her entirety once again.

„I had always been much happier as a Captain anyway.“

Then he turned to Spock with a similar kind of expression, one of love although of a different kind than the one he held for the Enterprise.

„Then again, I always had the luck of a pretty good, even exceptionally good, First Officer.“

For a brief moment, their fingers touched.

„I… also cannot deny that I found my quality in life vastly improving once I was back on the Enterprise.“

And then there it was, a rare small smile only reserved for special occassions and special people.

A rare smile that betrayed a kind of feeling  only reserved for one James Tiberius Kirk.  

„To coin a well-known human phrase ‚Home is where the heart is.“

It was an admission so unbelievably .. emotional and human that if Spock had been in Vulcan company he certainly would have gotten a look of light disapproval.

Kirk gave a light, good natured laugh.

„Certainly a very true one. In the nearly three years I had been gone from the Enterprise I had become quite homesick.“

Spocks smile was gone and he looked at his Captain in a way that conveyed just how serious Spock was about this. And just how serious he wanted Kirk to take his next words and the meaning behind them.

„I did not mean the ship, Jim.“

And it was almost enough to make up for the years of seperation.

„I had previously  thought that it would be this conscioussness, V’ger, that would bring me to my goal of.. peace and a place of belonging. I had previously thought that this place was supposed to be Vulcan but clearly I had been proven wrong. I had .. miscalculated. My place has and always shall be…“ He couldn’t say it.

The only way to truelly communicate this in a way that mattered would be a mind meld but even then it wouldn’t  feel right. Not for this.

Not after having nearly gone through with a ritual that just might have erased the very same thing that caused Kirk to close the space betwen them. Offering something absolutely human yet by raising his hand as well Vulcan as well. A combination of sorts.  

And as Spock looked into the fond eyes and saw the smile on James Tiberius Kirks face he knew that any further explanation was unneccessary. Irrelevant even.

So he took the only logical next step and brought his hand up to Kirks so their fingers lightly touched and kissed him.

Spock in ST: The Motion Picture: It knows only that it needs, Commander. But like so many of us it does not know what.“

[gizkasparadise]

Fic Writer Review tag game

Nice! Thanks @recurring-polynya for the tag :D 

1. How many fics on AO3?

131, with i think around 5 that i’ve let go/orphaned over the years

2. Total AO3 word count?

1,073,709... good lord that sure is two commas

3. How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

okay i went and counted on ao3: 35. bulk of it is star wars and game of thrones/a song of ice and fire, with some video game, kdrama, and niche fandoms thrown in

4. Top Five by Kudos?

the fury (got)

satellites (star wars)

start a war (grisha)

in tandem (star wars)

left for dead (got)

5. Do you respond to comments, why/why not?

i try to! i definitely read them all (and reread...and reread...look im a girl with a love letter from her crush when it comes to comments). sometimes i fall behind and then i get anxious about being behind in commenting, which makes me feel bad, so then i procrastinate, and get more behind-er, and then....it continues..... i definitely need to be better about it, because i love talking to readers

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

hm. i write a lot of angst but the endings tend to be kind of mild. i guess i’d say in a big picture sort of way, there’s something inherently kind of sad about start a war, in that these two are sort of doomed to always being at war and being the only ones who survive it

7. Do you write crossovers? If so, what is the craziest one you’ve written?

yeah! it’s been awhile, though. i think my last one was a kylo ren & daenerys targaryen interaction fic

8. Have you received hate on a fic?

yup! anon messages, bad reviews, one time i even got sporked, if y’all remember that.

9. Do you write smut?

Unfortunately. <-- sorry, friends

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not a direct copy/paste, but lines, elements, and OCs yes. 

11. Ever had a fic translated?

yes! i’ve been very fortunate to have fic translated into russian, korean, chinese, and i believe portuguese! (and i apologize so much if i’m forgetting one, it’s late where im at). a few fics have been transformed into podfics or audiobooks too, which is super awesome :D

12. Ever co-written a fic before?

yeah & i love co-writing! @starforged is my usual partner in crime, but i’m always down to co-author something if someone ever wants to/has an idea

13. All-time favourite ship?

I think it’s actually renji/rukia from bleach in terms of longevity and actual OTP-ness (as in, i dont ship either with anyone else)

14. What’s a WIP you want to finish, but don’t think you ever will?

i think the ones i currently want to finish (the fury, satellites, fret, a lot like never, and give way to better/the mandalorian wars duology) will get done. when is the interesting question

15. What are your writing strengths?

im a heavy outliner and i’d like to think that shows--hopefully it feels like the plot’s thought out and the world building’s established, and that plot twists when they happen are foreshadowed/built up to appropriately. humor’s really subjective/i know mine’s not for everyone, but one of the best things i like to hear as a writer is that i was able to make someone laugh :D

16. What are your writing weaknesses?

tenses, lord tenses. commas. getting too in the minutia/stuff a reader doesn’t care about to the extent that the story suffers for it. smut. certain character types i really struggle with writing (rey from star wars, for instance) 

17. What are your thoughts of writing dialogue in other languages?

when i first started writing, i followed whatever the fandom conventions were (at the time, my main fandom was Naruto). i’ve since tried to become more mindful. i know i’ve made the mistake in the past of incorporating other languages incorrectly into fic (Start A War comes to mind, and readers were thankfully gracious about it). i do my best, and do research, but ultimately i now stick to the rule that if i don’t know it, i try not to write it. and if im corrected, i listen and adjust accordingly

18. First fandom you wrote for?

Pirates of Caribbean! it was a 2nd gen fic and really, really bad. but my grandma printed it out for me lol bless her

19. Favourite fic you’ve ever written?

this probably changes every time i answer it. right now im feeling i loved rome more

tagging! @starforged and anyone else who’s feeling it!

[kinkyteaa]

A Christmas in the Life of Dan and Phil

*please do not repost without my permission, though reblogs on tumblr are appreciated*

It was Christmas Day.

Phil stood over the festive dinner he’d made and studied it critically. It was perfect. Okay,so maybe the turkey was a little on the burnt side and the raspberry sponge cake was slightly lopsided,but Phil hadn’t had much time and he’d done the best he could. Besides,surely the expensive champagne and the plate of crunchy almond cookies from Zoe made up for them.

“Bzzz.”

Phil looked up,surprised. Dan was back. Already?? Shit. He hadn’t started making the pasta yet.

He rushed to the door,ready to stall his housemate for as long as he could,when a chirpy female voice filtered through the intercom.

“Philip! Open the door will you, my arms are bloody full and the baby in me is extremely awake right now!” Phil gave a sigh of relief. Louise.

As soon as he opened the door, the blonde burst into the room,armed with dozens of colourful shopping bags and an enormous baby belly.

“Louise! Oh gosh, here-let me help,” Phil insisted, concerned that she’d been carrying so many heavy things while practically 9 months pregnant.

“Ever the gentleman, I see,” Louise winked.

“Oh Lord- thanks. I thought my arms were going to detach from my body,” she joked, immediately bustling into the dining room. Phil carefully put the bags on the couch before going after his miraculously energetic friend.

“Right,so the tinsel will have to go up by the counters and I figure we could hang the mini golden angels from those wall cabinet handles,” Louise rambled,pointing as she walked about, inspecting the floor,then the laid table.

Phil had no idea what was happening.

“We’ll need to polish the glass on that,then maybe stick some mistletoe up by that window,“she continued, completely unaware of Phil’s oblivion.

“And how ‘bout-”

“Wait!“Phil interrupted.

“What?“Louise whirled around, surprised.

“What are you talking about? What’s going on??” Phil asked,baffled.

“Decorations, of course! It’s Christmas ain’t it? And you’re proposing to Dan tonight,so obviously we need to spruce things up a bit. Don’t worry, I knew we needed to put red roses into the mix as well so I’ve ordered some already, they’ll be here any minute,” the blonde replied casually.

Phil’s mouth dropped open. Louise raised an eyebrow.

“You ARE proposing to Dan tonight, aren’t you?”

“Well-um..” Phil started. “I - not really, I just- I don’t think we’re ready,” he continued lamely, scratching the back of his neck.

Louise looked outraged. “Philip Michael Lester, you’ve been dating Dan for 7 years! Don’t you think it’s time you proposed? It’s not fair to the poor boy, he’s been waiting for you to ask him for ages!” she accused,then clapped her hands over her mouth when she realized what she’d just let slip.

“Oh shit,” she mumbled, as Phil’s eyebrows shot up.

“First of all,Dan is most definitely NOT a ‘poor boy’ ,” Phil scoffed ,remembering the price of Dans winter parka, “and second, he has? Why didn’t he say so?”

Louise snorted.

“That’s not how it works, Phil, and that’s besides the point. The point is, it’s been YEARS and you two are still perfectly happy living with one another. You know all about each other’s strengths,weaknesses, likes and dislikes,plus you’ve got some freaky telepathy thing- which I still don’t think is fair when we’re playing charades in teams. Then there’s the fact that you’ve written two books together and gone on bloody TOUR together for fuck’s sake!” Louise reasoned.

“But I don’t really think now is a good time to ask,I mean, we’re so busy with everything at the moment- especially with the second tour coming soon,” Phil tried protesting.

Louise stepped forward and put both hands on the man’s shoulders.

“Phil?”

“Yes?”

“STOP. BEING. SUCH. A. SCARED. LITTLE. BABY! ” Louise emphasized each word while shaking Phil hard, making him extremely dizzy.

She stopped abruptly and looked him hard in the eye.

“There’ll never be a perfect time, and you’ve stalled long enough. Listen to me,” she said firmly, when Phil attempted to protest yet again.

“What are you waiting for,Phil? What’s holding you back? Don’t you love Dan?”

Phil nodded ,looking at the floor.

“DO YOU?!” Louise screeched, shaking him some more.

“Y-yes!” Phil choked out. “I do!’

“Do you want to be with him for the rest of your life?”

“Yes.”

“Then what the bloody cheesecake is stopping you??” Louise demanded, standing back with her hands on her hips.

“I- ” Phil began. He looked up at his friend,embarassed. Louise’s eyes softened.

��Go on,” she encouraged.

Phil sighed.

“I’m scared, what if I’m not good enough? What if I can’t make him happy? He’s the most beautiful boy I’ve ever met, he’s so caring and kind; he’s smart and funny, he’s articulate, he’s just so -so.. perfect.” Phil let out a harsh breath.

Louise frowned slightly but waited for him to continue.

“And then there’s me. I’m ugly. I’m stupid. People think my videos are dumb and childish. I’m not even funny, I don’t know why Dan is dating me. He’s been through godawful shit and he’s still so strong. He’s done so much for the online community, for people all around the WORLD, and I just- .. I’m useless.”

Finishing his little speech, Phil teared up a little then steeled himself. Willed himself not to cry. Like always.

Before he could react, warm arms enveloped him, squeezing him hard despite the large belly in the way.

“Group hug,” Louise smiled fondly at him. Phil smiled weakly in return.

“Look, Phil. I’ve known Dan for a long time, and I know for a fact that he was unhappy and lonely for a very long time. Until YOU came along. No matter what, you’ve always been there to help him through,” Louise hesitated, inhaling sharply.

“There used to be a time when Dan used to call me on the phone,crying and crying and telling me he was done, he was just so fucking DONE with everything, with the world, with himself, with his entire fucking EXISTENCE ; and he’d heave and choke on his own words. He’d sob and beg me to tell him everything would get better. That one day, everything wouldn’t hurt so much. That one day, things would CHANGE. And I would. I’d say everything over and over, wishing I could do more for him. But every time I tried, he’d more often than not, push me away, saying he didn’t want to trouble me further and I had my own life to live,” here Louise paused to breathe,closing her eyes briefly as the memories swam through her head.

Phil remained silent.

“Two years had passed and nothing had changed. The calls came more often now and I was honestly beginning to despair. The last time I’d told Dan it would be okay, that things would change, even I didn’t know if I believed what I was saying anymore. Then, Dan found you. The calls came just as frequently as before, but this time they were to talk about YOU. How ‘Phil replied to my comment, Louise!’, ‘Phil Skyped me, Louise!’,‘PHIL ASKED ME OUT, LOUISE!’ And he’s been the happiest I’ve ever seen him since then. Because of YOUR love and support, he’s grown to be a strong, confident ,HAPPY young man. And that’s thanks to you. It’d be a lie to say he’s become that person without even a LITTLE bit of your help and we both know it,” Louise folded her arms.

“So if you think you don’t make him happy, Phil, you’re wrong. As for the rest, that’s all bullshit. You’re an attractive, amazing guy, who’s helped millions of people from different continents overcome their fear, anxiety, depression and goodness knows what else but for some bloody reason, you can’t seem to see that. Not to mention, you’re creative and intelligent and the nicest person I know, and I’m 100% sure Dan would agree with me wholeheartedly.”

At this, Phil started to cry, moving forward to pull Louise into an embrace. “You’re right. It’d be stupid to let my fears and insecurities stop me from marrying the man I love. I promise I’ll propose to him tonight, it’s really taken me a ridiculously long time. And I’ll do whatever I can to keep him the happiest man alive.”

“I know you will,” Louise smiled. “Now grab that tinsel and let’s get decorating.”

~~~ Two hours later, Dan Howell came home to a beaming Phil Lester, a spotlessly clean house -with the exception being the dining room, which was very dramatically decorated- and a more or less edible (but lovingly-made) dinner.

“Phil,you spork! You didn’t have to put in so much effort. It’s just a Christmas dinner,” Dan laughed as his blue-eyed boyfriend carried him, bridal style, to the dinner table ,where several bouquets of deep, crimson-coloured roses had been tastefully arranged- Louise didnt half-ass things when it came to flowers.

“Oh my fucking gosh, I’m ACTUALLY gonna’ fall. Phil,put me down,” Dan giggled, holding on to the other boy for dear life.

“You’re not. Shut up, I’ve got you.”

Phil nuzzled his pale cheek into Dan’s soft snowflake-strewn curls, kissing the younger boy gently on the forehead, making him blush a pretty pink. He hummed quietly, savoring the moment.

A small gasp made Phil grin. Dan had spotted the food.

“Holy mother of frick, what are you trying to do,fatten me up and eat me like the witch in that fairy tale? What was it called again,Handel and Gothel? Handle and Goth Girl??” Dan mumbled, distracted.

Phil laughed at how quickly his boyfriend could get sidetracked.

“Hansel and Gretel, you turd. And no, I’m not gonna’ eat you. Not in that way, at least,” he added, hiding a smirk.

Dan flushed ,nearly choking on his macaroni.(Yes,macaroni. Because Phil insisted all pasta was romantic.)

Grinning,Phil continued to eat as if nothing had happened as Dan rolled his eyes, annoyed at how easily he’d walked into that one.

He perked up when Phil brought out the ice-cold luxury champagne though.

“Whoa- Phil, something’s up, isn’t it?” the younger boy asked,his eyes wide- ecstatic,then suspicious.

Swallowing, Phil closed his eyes for a moment.

Come on,Phil. You can do this. You love Dan and Dan loves you.

He began to think of all the moments they’d had together. The places they’d seen together. How they’d met. 2009. The problems they’d worked through. 2012. The gaming channel. Dil. The radio show. PINOF. 2016. TABINOF. DAPGO. TATINOF,the tour. Dan’s rebrand. His now curly hair and adorable freckles.

Dan smiling at him as they sang ‘The Internet Is Here’. Dan laughing at Phil after throwing a giant snowball into his face. Dan snorting with laughter as Phil tried to capture the praying mantis on the wall of their room. Dan giggling as they played Golf with Friends. Dan squeezing his hand quickly when things got too much for Phil backstage. Dan kissing him in the rain on Mount Fuji. Dan rubbing Phil’s back when he had really bad motion sickness. Dan cuddling up to him in the darkness of their room. Dan whispering a quiet ‘I love you’ in that same darkness.

You can do this, Phil. You love Dan. And Dan loves you.

He opened his eyes, certain.

“Phil?” Dan asked quietly as Phil got up and walked over to him.

The flames of Dan’s favourite scented candles flickered slowly as they bathed the room in a warm,pleasant glow,lighting up Dan’s beautiful brown eyes.

Snow was falling steadily outside when Phil Lester got down on one knee and took the small blue box out of his pocket, opening it and holding it up to his boyfriend.

“Daniel James Howell, will you make me the happiest man alive by- .. by marrying me?” he asked ,his heart beating wildly.

No answer. Phil looked up,terrified.

Dan was crying. Big, fat tears were leaking out of the corners of his eyes and rolling down his rosy, freckle-dusted cheeks.

“Dan- are you okay? Was it too early? I’m so sorry,” Phil babbled, embarassed and worried.

“No- no, shut up, you idiot!” Dan swatted the other man on the shoulder.

“Of course I’ll marry you, I’m just so happy, I’m fucking crying. Oh gosh, it took you long enough,” he laughed, pushing himself off his chair and into Phil’s waiting arms.

Phil pulled the brunette in for a long, loving kiss,feeling Dan’s smile against his lips.

“I love you,” Dan whispered in the semi- darkness.

“I love you too, bear,” Phil replied, sighing contentedly.

He loved Dan. And Dan loved him.