#I have lived in a constant state of stress about Being In Someone Else's Space my Entire Life | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

asstrolo · 4 years

Text

explaining the moon signs; i didn’t even remember i made this lol

(if you wanna know your moon sign do your chart on astro.com , it’s the most accurate!)

moon in aries: the childlike, their responses are rushed by their emotions and their emotions change drastically, incredible creative and talented, aggressive in both bad and good ways; they have initiative, they love so much and are unconditionally supportive of their loved ones, they usually have a really good style and look good even in the most casual outfits, it’s because they love so much they tend to stay in toxic relationships, depending on what other signs are on their charts, they tend to leave those situations to focus on themselves, after all the most important person is themselves, it can make them as much of a narcissist as it can make them self-sufficient and natural born leaders, they need to look more around them or they’ll get lost in their reflection

moon in taurus: a natural caretaker, the friend to call when you want to relax, they have a homey presence, they might have a calming voice or a more quiet way of approaching, they are materialistic, they cannot help but want to protect things they worked so hard to buy, as one would except they can be very possessive in their relationships of any kind, they might even treat their partners as objects that hey want to protect and take care of, they are very patient, not more than a sun in taurus, but as a sun in taurus they can get really defensive out of nowhere, feel hurted by things for no reason and make a big deal about it, but only in private, for they want to look completely different in public, as a Venus dominant, they like to be gracious and classy, seem calm and collected, one of the flaws they have is to be really lazy, they have certain routines and they like to follow them, they can get caught up in money, they need to learn to not be so dependable of material objects as if that’ll show that their life is good

moon in gemini: the crazy genius, a revolutionary person, an inspiring, independent being, ones that people look up to, or so they’d like to think, this moon lives in a constant state of delusion between their projects and how quickly they move from anything, it’s hard for them to keep a promise because they’re always changing, most of the time they don’t even realize they’re doing it, they like books, more so, they like to know things, even more, they like to know everything, they are completely drawn by their morals and idea of the world, even if idealistic and naive, they follow them, it’s really difficult for them to look at the mirror and define one thing, they like to keep an open mind in everything, but they tend to think they know better, think they’re superior, better, more interesting, they want the smartest friends, but not smarter than them, they tend to copy other’s people personalities if they admire them (just like gemini risings) they don’t realize about this either, they need to speak their mind all the time, if they don’t, they feel really restricted and imprisoned, they won’t like that, so they run off, they like gossips, they need to learn to think before they speak and to stop interrupting people when they talk

moon in cancer: the sentimentalist, here the sign is in it’s original planet, that is good, with that said, they are dramatic people, they feel every emotion, people with this moon need to write down their feelings or else they’ll feel very suffocated by them, they’re empaths, they put themselves in others shoes, they have a way with words because they’re so good at naming all their emotions, they tend to dramatize situations, they live in the past, for them is really difficult to let go of things, specially people, because they know they remember everything and the memories always haunt them, as anyone would expect they know how to take care of people, they have a strong intuition that tells them if a person needs help, they like being at home a lot, they like sleeping even more, it’s very common for them to not sleep at night because they feel very attracted to the moon and their creativity is better at night, they might really like painting and music, these people, even if they’re extroverted, might feel overwhelmed by people, because they feel people’s energies very deeply and need to recharge from time to time, they need to learn to not look for someone to save or save them and do that for themselves instead

moon in leo: the performer, they live in a movie, in the stage, they tend to dramatize their responses and their emotions towards everything even if it does not involve them, they pull off a good part on being the positive friend even when sad, they see things from a very self-centered way, meaning they only see their own point of view, always tries to understand their loved ones emotions by putting themselves in their shoes, that’s why they always talk about personal experience, because that is their way of empathizing with others, some of these tend to stay in unhealthy situations for the sake of not being disliked by the other person, they like to be liked more than anything, as any other fire moon, they hold a lot of creativity that needs to be constantly explored for them to feel better, these moon signs tend to put a façade of innocence a lot, they can victimize and not even realize it, might even cry out of exhaustion for their own emotions, if encountered by someone who is prettier in looks they might get defensive and jealous, but they won’t say it, they’ll be passive-aggressive towards it, they are constantly looking for artistic ways or words to cheer their friends up, because they’re so fond of all of their relationships and are so transparent with them, they want that back, these people are naturally good at anything for arts, specially acting, they can see other’s emotions and act them out, however these people need to learn to be more self-aware and to not get defensive when it comes to criticism

moon in virgo: a helping micromanager, these people are very self-disciplined, mature and resilient, as much as the are neurotic, and nihilistic and go through dozens of existencial crisis, they tend to be very cold, because their way of showing love comes from being helpful in tasks rather than in emotional support, they question everything, all the time, they question themselves and they question the universe, can appear paranoid about certain stuff, like the leo moon, they like to perform, put on a mask, make it seem like they have everything in control, when put in a lot of stress they might run off, they like to be seen when they feel like it, have a very Hermit way of living for those around them, they enjoy their time alone because that’s when they allow their minds to be at peace, but even there they’re overthinking, this moon is one of those that might have a simple and calm way of living, but in their minds there’s always chaos, always thinking about what comes next, how to make something better, how to go faster, smarter, how to improve social skills while still maintain their alone time sacred to them, because they never rest mentally, they are prone to anxiety, to not see the good things that life has to offer to them if they just stopped over analyzing things around them, they are very good friends, because they think the definitive show of affection is helping their loved ones to organize their life is because they take care of people, and they like doing so, might get taken advantage of this, they’re really, really smart and sharp, they know how to use their words and can manipulate a situation if they’re willing to, if they think it requires that, they like their own space without changes and usually keep things the same for a very long time, they need to learn to let go of things they cannot control and to give time to themselves

moon in libra: the mediator, people with this moon tend to be shallow, victimize themselves and hypocrites, they’re usually torn between who they are and who they want to be, and who they pretend to be most of the times, gemini moons get the reputation of being “two-faced” but in honesty, libra moons might as well fight for that tittle too, they’re not the most ambitious moon sign, they look into superficial things to be happy, friendships are very important to them, might keep a toxic friend or a toxic ex as friends because they do not know how to say no, they might have strong opinions of injustice that they brought up depending on the person, if it’s a friend or someone they want to impress that have different views these might not say anything, just let it pass, but if they don’t care about the person’s acceptance then they will show their points of view, no matter how different from others it is, these cannot keep a secret for too long, like any other air sign, likes to gossip to, they do have an open mind, they like to see a situation from all angles before making a serious statement, but halfway through it they might change their mind again, reconsidering things, that is why people sees them as hypocrites, also the fact that they can’t keep their promises, they’re not good at that, have an eye for aesthetically pleasing things, their friends might even ask them for advice on decor, they need to learn to make up their mind and not speak too quickly before setting something, and to own up to their mistakes

moon in scorpio: the secretive feeler, a dark enigma, the moon in scorpio it’s very intense, because it’s in detriment here, that makes it even harder for these individuals to talk about their feelings without getting frustrated or a little bit uncomfortable, they are so cautious and secretive about everything they do, not only their feelings, as anyone would have guessed, they are very protective of their own personal space, it takes them so much to trust someone that they might regret having done so, they get easily offended, never have their guard down and can become really self-destructive, sabotage themselves, they have a very enigmatic aura that they might not even know about, they like spirituality, they’re very drawn to those type of things, can become very controlling of people around them and micromanage their loved ones without realizing it, they have very demanding presences, they can be as charming as they can be scary, people with this moon can appear sometimes an earth sign even if they don't have anything of that in their chart, they're also very intuitive people but it's hard for them to follow that intuition, it can appear very strongly around strangers, they might know what kind of person they're dealing with only by looking at them, they also like to keep on check about everything their loved ones are doing, ask them how they are, might come off as kinda clingy, but they like to know how people around them are doing and see if they can be of help for them, they’re good at twisting other peoples words and they know how to manipulate, for good or bad intentions, they need to let their guards down and accept help from others, not everything is black and white.

moon in sagittarius: the eternal kid at heart, they are ambitious but lose interest as soon as they're not passionate about it anymore, they are deep thinkers but can be very on their own beliefs, it's because they are so passionate about these beliefs and ideas that they can come off as stubborn, they are so pure, like a kid, and like a kid this moon might have moments of feeling very misunderstood, some of them wear their hearts on their sleeve and can actually be super honest, without even realizing, they like questioning everything as well as standing up for what they think it's right, as any other fire moon, these people are creative, they are very positive people, they light up a whole room just for how they are and how they present themselves, however, they crave love and affection, can be too into their own ways and get easily frustrated if others don't have the same idealistic thoughts as them, their ideas are important to them that it's why they can come off as delusional or "hitting on a dead horse" when it comes to these, they need to learn to be more patient and to listen to others opinions before forming one of their own, just based off of what they've seen, they don't know or don't want to be held accountable for the damages they might have done, that's why they are irresponsible at times, these kind of people were meant to inspire others, they just have a way of making you feel passionate about their work and what they like, however they need to learn to not just jump the gut, take a step back and think the situations a little bit more, don't be so stubborn and accept other points of view.

moon in capricorn: a fatherless figure, this might come off too strong, or ironic since they're seen as a parental figure in the zodiac most of the time, this moon can have trouble directly with the family, since childhood, actually, they just don't have a very normal family life unlike all of their friends, they attract people a lot of the times without not doing anything, they tend to be very laid-back and chill when you first meet them or have this aura of tranquility, like any other earth moon, they're very sarcastic and good at reading people, they're witty and can be very funny at times, even if they have a lot of friends these moon signs often feel very lonely, that's just how they are, their emotions are very contradictory all the time, since this moon is in detriment here all of the emotions are to be avoided or bottle up, they are very helpful, selfless people because they know what it's like to feel misunderstood at first hand, they wouldn't want anybody to feel that way, they can be malicious or manipulative, like a cancer moon, thinking it's for a greater good, they don't see themselves in a good light, this moon often has what it's called the impostor syndrome, they think they're not deserve of what they have or what they want to have, they need to learn to be more self-confident and follow their heart more than their minds all the time, let go of past childhood trauma to live without any baggage.

moon in aquarius: the misunderstood artist, these people are ought to be different and unique and one of a kind, and they are, they truly are, but this uniqueness they try so hard to keep might isolate them from others, this moon it's pioneer of great, creative ideas only an aquarius moon would have, they're so refreshing and they just get you, aside from the conspiracies and the aliens they're so very smart, but they don't posses that emotional intelligence they'd like to have, as figures these people can come off as too cold, detached from the world and a lone wolf, they like doing things on their own but when it comes to having time for yourself and completely isolating yourself they don't know how to draw the line, the way they view the world to themselves it's "the right way", think very highly of themselves or their way of thinking, might be a very cynical person, but they're very humanitarian as well, as a Libra moon, they do not tolerate injustice and are not afraid to talk and make a change, these people usually make a huge change in others environments, even without realizing it, as great and unique as they are, they need to learn to talk more to people, not think they're alone or that nobody gets them, they need to connect with their emotions and only then they'll see a real change from within.

moon in pisces: The "feeling all the feelings", this moon is authentically one of the most difficult to deal with, alongside Capricorn and Scorpio, if so they are very connected to their emotions, they might be too connected to them, this kind of people are highly sensitive and deal with a lot of the feels all the time, they like art, something related to music most likely and have a special connection with water, they come off as oblivious, and they most likely are, but they're also very wise, they just don't know yet how to balance both things, people might see them as a person who's not too much but not too little, they're very reserved and like their privacy, very ambiguous personality in general, one might wonder what they think about all the time, tendency to hide or escape from anxious or tense situations, they need peace, they might avoid conflict to a unhealthy degree where they don't speak up just to not cause a dispute, deals with low self-esteem or one that's changing a lot, they confuse themselves because their minds are confusing and there's a lot going on at once, they do victimize a lot, they might or might not have a distorted way of seeing or thinking, while they have a big heart and are good people, they can come off as very victimizing people, manipulate you into petty them so you would do something for them, some acknowledge this, some don't, if they find a healthy way of dealing with their emotions they can not only help themselves but people around them too, after all they are big empaths, they have a special way to talk and connect with people, they need to learn to not victimize themselves every time they feel pressure and to control a little bit more their emotions

4K notes · View notes

quindolyn · 3 years

Text

Weeks Without || Poly!Marauders

Word Count: 7,427

A/N: Happy birthday @littlest-dark-age ! While this was not initially meant for you I loved it so much that I thought you might too and I poured a lot of effort into it, enough to show you how much I love you I hope. I think I like this piece! It felt good to write and I hope you all like it too.

Warnings: too long, that's probably the biggest one, angst, fluff, and smut. Slight dom/sub dynamics with dom Rem and Siri, sub Jamesie and maybe switch reader? Potentially just sub, I don't know I feel like any reader x James interaction I write, unless explicitly stated otherwise is at least a little bit dom reader because I project. Oral (female receiving), fingering, hand job, palming, little bit of humiliation. I tried not to include Daddy kink because I know not everyone's into it and I'm pretty sure if any of my stuff can have a daddy kink it does so I tried switching it up. Insecure reader

Masterlist

2k follower celebration

As you approached the end of your time at Hogwarts there was a certain fear that bubbled up inside of you. Like the rest of your peers you had worries about what waited for you outside of Hogwarts, where you were going to live, what you were going to do? How you were going to pay your bills and if the person, or in your case people, you were leaving with were going to stay by your side.

You were sure that everyone with a partner shared the same worries you did, that being if your relationship was going to survive outside of the sheltered walls inside which it formed. For you your worries were multiplied threefold. You didn’t just have one person you were worried would tire and leave you, you had three boys.

They were all undeniably beautiful, there were days you couldn’t fathom how people as beautiful as them had chosen someone like you.

Despite their constant praise, the way they gazed at you during class and in the halls, the hugs and kisses they gave you any chance they had you still weren’t convinced that you were enough for them.

You tried not to show it, tried not to show the boys you loved so dearly how your insecurities were eating away at you. You were eating less, sleeping less, and even though you spent all your time bent over a book in the library, eyes racing over the pages your studies were suffering too. The time you spent in the library wasn’t so much to actually study so much as it was to avoid your boys, even being around them had grown painful. Worried that every kiss they gave you might be getting you closer and closer to the last had you nauseous.

You knew it was ridiculous but you couldn’t help the feeling from gnawing away at you.

Your boys weren’t stupid, though James often acted as though he was, they noticed you pulling back from them. On the rare occasions they were able to get you with them for more than the duration of dinner it was like you were stopping yourself from enjoying being around them.

You’d catch yourself smiling too wide and drawback. To them it was like clouds blocking out the sun, though they’d swear they would’ve preferred the absence of the sun over yours.

There were only so many ways you could avoid them and when it came time for sleep there was no escaping the giant canopy bed in James’ headboy dorm that could easily fit all four of you. It was probably the easiest way for you to be around them, because after a long day of classes and extraneous studying you were out the minute your head hit the pillow. There was no time for them to prod you about your day, ask you where you’d been during your shared free period.

You speedily made your way through your evening routine before the rest of them got to the room and were climbing under the covers as they finally made their entrance.

Tonight you hadn’t been as lucky, as you barreled into the cozy dormitory, decorated in a frankly nauseating amount of scarlet and gold. You entered to find your three boyfriends were already waiting for you sprawled throughout the room.

James sat on the sofa to the left of the king bed, long legs sprawled out in front of him, they were so long that his feet stuck off the end. With his hands clasped behind his head acting as a pillow, he would’ve been the picture of leisure had it not been for the crease between his brows while he conversed with the two other boys in the room.

Sirius sat curled up in Remus’ lap, nestled together on the loveseat; there didn’t appear to be an inch of space between the two of them. Usually when they were found like this it was as though neither of them had a care in the world, too wrapped up in each other to notice anything else that went on around them. This time was different, Sirius held one of Remus’ hands in his, fiddling with it while he gazed off into the air, eyes focusing on nothing in particular.

It wasn’t tension clouding the room so much as it was worry. Worry about you, worry about your relationship, worry about what they might’ve said or done to hurt you.

As you stepped into the room all of their eyes shot to your figure, ultimately finding your face as they tried to tell what sorts of secrets you were hiding in that pretty head of yours.

“Hi poppet,” Remus spoke promptly, knowing that allowing the silence to stretch on would only serve to worsen the situation.

“You guys are here early.”

Out of the corner of your eye you saw the furrow between James’ brows deepen at your response, you weren’t usually one to sidestep a greeting like that. Though in all fairness you hadn’t been acting much like your usual self lately.

“We’ve missed you puppy, feels like we never see you anymore,” It was Sirius who spoke, hands still fidgeting with Remus’ long fingers, finding the Marauders ring that he wore on his ring finger and sliding it up and down the appendage.

You answered with a noncommittal hum as you toed off your shoes, abandoning them by the door to the dorm before moving to the bed where you shrugged off the bag that had been weighing down on your shoulder all day.

Remus quietly eased Sirius off of his lap, helping him into James' open arms awaiting his arrival. Once the raven haired male was settled into the larger boy’s grasp, strong, muscled arms holding him close to his equally toned chest Remus made his way toward you where you sat, silently working on the buttons of your blouse.

“You want help with those, bunny?” Came the steady baritone of Remus’ voice as he stood a few feet before you, head cocked to the side while his hands were buried deep inside of his pockets.

“I’m fine Rem, I’ve got it,” The use of the nickname normally would’ve worked to lighten the worries that were swirling around in the boy’s head. This was counteracted by the despondency of your voice pulling each syllable downwards into mumbled murmur.

“I hate to say it but Siri’s right (Y/N), we don’t see you anymore and we’ve tried to ignore this weird behavior, thinking that it would pass but it hasn’t,” The lycan spoke as he made his way to the bed, sitting down on the mattress next to you but sure to leave a decent amount of space between the two of you, not wanting to spook you more than you had seemed to be.

You ignored his words, instead focusing your attention on unzipping your skirt, loosening the waistband allowed you to take a deep breath you’d been yearning for all day.

“Bunny, we just want to know what’s wrong, talk to us please.”

Lifting your eyes, lids heavy from the stress of the day, at Remus’ desperate plea you found the looming figures of your other two boys hovering over his shoulder. Fingers intertwined as both stormy grey irises and hazel ones gazed at you.

“Nothing’s the matter Remus, I’m just a little stressed out is all. It's nothing any of you have done.”

Technically that was true, it was nothing your boys had done directly that had caused you to pull back from them but still, a lie by omission.

“Bullshit.”

Each of your heads whipped to find the voice who had spoken, your eyes landing on Sirius’ form you found his sullen figure glowering, tucked into James’ side.

“Sirius come on,” Remus murmured, urging the boy to keep his mouth shut.

“No its such fucking bullshit, she’s been acting like this for weeks and I’m sick and fucking tired of her acting like a toddler.” The boy swivelled, redirecting his attention back towards you, “Stop it (Y/N)! Stop lying to us, stop pulling away, just fucking talk to us for fuck’s sake because I can’t fucking do this anymore.”

With each word the boy’s voice raised an octave and you watched James’ hold on Sirius’ shoulder tighten as though he could contain the flow of words that tumbled from his mouth.

It was all too much, the insecure thoughts that bounced around your head, the aches that had settled in your limbs from pushing yourself too hard on too little sleep, the distinct throbbing that resided behind your temples nearly every day by this time.

Then add on Sirius’ harsh words it was all too much.

“I can’t do this,” You mumbled, haphazardly redoing the buttons of the blouse that had been hanging off your shoulders before pulling your bag, abandoned just minutes ago, back onto your shoulder.

“(Y/N) where are you going?” The frustration in Remus’ voice was evident, he’d been so understanding and gentle the past few weeks but even he had his limits and he was not about to watch you walk away from them.

“My dorm.”

“Since when do you sleep in your dorm?” It was the first time you’d heard James’ voice since you entered the lavish dorm room. The hurt laced in each word was unmistakable, guilt at being the one to hurt the boy you loved so much served to twist the knife that was already planted firmly between your ribs.

For the first time in weeks you finally voiced the overwhelming thought that had been plaguing you, the thought that had caused you to pull away from them in the first place, “You’re better off without me.”

It seemed as though everything in the castle had stopped to listen on your conversation, you were almost certain you could make out the little figure of a portrait peeking its head into the gargantuan frame that hung on the furthest wall of the dormitory should Dumbledore need to call James out in the middle of the night to perform some headboy duty.

The room was so quiet as the boys, your boys, soaked in your words that you swore you could hear Slughorn all the way down in the dungeons, munching on the lavish pineapple that had been dropped off at his office a few hours earlier and that he had saved until now to indulge himself in.

“What do you mean poppet?” The crease between Remus’ brows matched the confusion so evident in his voice.

“I mean…” You trailed off as you felt tears well in your eyes, weighing down on your bottom lashes as they threatened to spill over. You couldn’t find it within yourself to meet any of their gazes, instead keeping your head downturned, eyes trained on your sock clad feet and you shifted your weight from foot to foot.

Before you could force yourself to look up you felt a strong, steady hand slip under your mandible, from the rough calloused nature of said hand you knew without a doubt that it belonged to James.

He slowly turned your visage upwards to meet his, heart crumbling as he took in your waterlogged optics, red and puffy, sunken in my large dark shadows that appeared to be frighteningly close to bruises.

“Why are you thinking that you’re not good enough for us angel?” He spoke, his voice cracking as he took in your heart wrenching appearance.

“Jamie,” You sobbed before throwing yourself into his chest, the barriers you’d erected between you and the rest of them crumbling as you saw the helpless look in James’ beautiful hazel eyes.

The fears and doubts that had haunted you for weeks were still there but you couldn’t find it within yourself anymore to listen to them when they told you to keep your space, to hide from the people you loved the most.

You clung to James’ broad shoulders, standing on your tiptoes so that you could throw your arms around his neck. You felt the weight of your satchel once again slip from your shoulder accompanied by a soft thud against the hardwood floor as one of James’ arms wrapped around your waist, the other slipping under your bum, landing on your upper thighs to support your weight as he carried you over to the canopied bed.

James kept you safely in his lap, sitting down with Sirius and Remus on either side of the two of you.

Even if any of them wanted to pry you off of James there was no way you were leaving the warm solace of his hold, the solidity of his thighs underneath you, the strong planes of his back sprawled out underneath your palms.

There was a comfort in all of it that you hadn’t realized you missed so much, you felt a pang in your chest as you contemplated the boy’s reaction to your insecurities. Would they confirm them, and these past weeks, which could’ve been spent in the exact position you found yourself in now, soaking up the comfort they brought you, had been wasted?

Though you were perfectly content to sit there, snuggled into James’ chest the boys wanted answers, and though they tried their best this was the most like yourself you’d been in forever and they were desperate for answers to their questions before you slipped away from them again.

“I’m sorry I yelled Princess I’ve just been so worried about you,” Sirius murmured, his hand gently sliding up your thigh to rest under the hem of the plaid fabric.

All you could offer the boy was a nod as you turned your visage to meet his, wiping your nose with the back of your hand, “It’s okay Siri-”

“No it's not,” He refuted empathically, his hand moving from your thigh to cup your cheek, dragging his thumb across your cheek bone in soothing circles, “If anyone else spoke to you like that I’d hex them into oblivion. I’m sorry.”

He leaned down, tilting your face ever so slightly upwards to meet your lips. As usual his were unnaturally and enviously red, tasting of smoke and the strawberry candy he stole from the pockets of James’ robes.

His lips brushed gently against yours, it was the first kiss the two of you had shared in weeks that wasn’t a quick peck as you passed in the halls or as you rushed away from them after breakfast. Understandably, he was in no mood to rush it.

You melted into his touch as his grip on your cheek tightened, keeping you from pulling away as he deepened the kiss, kissing with a sort of passion foregin to the both of you. Different from what you were used to, lust filled kisses as he ground your hips into his. This was a sort of apology from the both of you, sorry to have shied away from this for so long and he sorry for blowing up at you.

He kept his lips melded to yours for as long as possible before finally pulling away to suck in a deep breath, replenishing his depleted lungs.

“Gotta tell us what’s going on in that pretty head of yours baby,” Came Remus’s voice from the other side of Jamesie’s broad shoulders, lulling your head off of the one it rested on to meet his sympathetic eyes.

You felt a familiar panic bubble up once again in your throat at the thought of voicing all your insecurities, scenario after scenario running through your head going through all the different ways the boys could react to your theories.

Suddenly you felt like an idiot and felt your cheeks burn as blood rushed to them, resisting the urge to bury your face back in James’ shoulder you swallowed, “W-What if,” You stopped for a moment, sniffing and going to wipe your nose on the back of your hand you were stopped when Remus’ large hand wrapped around your wrist.

Slender fingers slipped a silky hanky into your palm for you to wipe your nose on and you smiled as you glimpsed the initials “RJL” stitched sloppily into it. This was no doubt done by James when he was laid up with a Quidditch injury and had taken up stitching, amongst other things.

“Thanks Rem,” You murmured as you swiped the soft cloth underneath your nose before slipping it back into his hand, you felt your cheeks burn, embarrassed to be handing him back the used, and admittedly grosser material, but ever the gentleman he paid it no mind.

“Now what was it that you were saying (Y/N)?”

You braced yourself, clenching the covers into your fists as you forced the words that had been swirling around in your head out, coming to terms with that there was no more delaying the inevitable.

“Are we gonna stay together once we graduate?”

It was conflicting having finally spoken those words that had tormented you for countless days, hours upon hours of pain and anxiety causing you unspeakable turmoil. It felt as though it was all lifted from your shoulders, you’d spoken the words, put them out there and they were no longer your pain to bear alone.

At the same time, they didn’t just exist in your head anymore. They were real and the people who mattered most had just heard them, their impending response only served to make you grip the sheets even tighter.

“Where’s this coming from angel?” James asked, confusion tightening up his voice.

“I don’t know,” You whimpered, “I’ve just been thinking and you all are so fucking beautiful and perfect, how am I supposed to keep up with you when we leave here. I already don’t deserve any of you. It's already bad enough in here with all the girls and guys fawning over all of you but how am I supposed to fair when you have the entire world at your fingertips?”

As they soaked in the meaning behind your words James’ arms tightened around you to the point of bordering on discomfort but it was so reassuring to be held that close, to know that that was the reaction your words had on them that you couldn’t find it within yourself to complain, only to hold him even tighter.

“Darling,” Sirius’ sympathetic tone was enough to shatter your already fragile facade and before you knew it there were fat teardrops sliding along down your soft cheeks.

You could feel your tears dampening the material of James’ old t-shirt but couldn’t bring yourself to care.

“I-I don’t wanna lose you guys,” You sobbed, letting all the pent up emotion from the past weeks flow out, coming off of you in waves as the knot that had been residing in your chest slowly began to unravel. Each tender caress of your back and stroke of your hair assisted in its efforts until all that was left was your heart. Which, considering that it had been tangled up in barbed wire, thorns piercing your heart with every beat, was in surprisingly good condition, still intact and pumping along.

“You’re not gonna lose us (Y/N/N), ever,” James promised into your ear, his chapped lips brushing across the shell of your ear.

“You can’t promise that,” You protested, words muffled as you spoke into his shoulder, “There might be someone else who you guys love more than me, who’s prettier and smarter and can keep up with you all. M not good enough for any of you and what if one day you realize that?”

“Don’t talk like that princess,” Sirius’ grip was steely on your forearm as he used it to get your attention, “I’ve spent my entire life being told I wasn’t good enough and the truth is that we aren’t good enough for you. I know what it feels like to feel like the people in your life deserve better than you but there is no doing better than you, no one else on this earth holds a candle to you my beautiful girl.”

As you took in each of Sirius’ words letting them heal the puncture wounds on your heart from being wrapped in thorny vines Remus spoke, “We love you more than anything puppy, the day you walked into our lives was the best day of my life and I can’t think of a world where any of us live without you. Especially outside of Hogwarts, things are gonna be just as scary for us as they are for you poppet and I know I don’t wanna do it without you.”

It felt good to hear that the worries you’d been obsessing over were really all in your head, that they really did love you as much as you loved them, but there was still one boy you needed to hear the words from before you could completely relax.

“I’m going to marry one day (Y/N/N), I’m going to marry all of you and we’re going to be Misters and Missus Potter. Remmy’s right, I don’t wanna ever wake up and not have you right there next to me. Mum and Dad say I have to wait till we’re settled and we have jobs and a place to live before I can propose but it's gonna happen bunny, I just hope you don’t realize we’re a pile of daft idiots before then.”

As a lopsided goofy smile quirked his lips upward you felt a similar force mimicking the movement on your own, “Even if you all are daft idiots, m’never gonna find anyone like you guys. My pretty boys.”

“You hear that mates? We’re her pretty boys, if I didn’t know better I’d say (L/N) has a little crush on all of us.”

“Oh sod off Siri,” You let out a watery giggle, gently nudging the boy’s arm as you looked up at him through water logged lashes.

“Is that true puppy? You like us?” Even though he was usually the most mature of your boys Remus’ mischievous side never failed to shine when he called on it.

“No,” You refuted, “I’m actually rather fond of Severus now that you mention it.”

You’d pulled away from Jamesie’s chest to be able to look at each of them but with your words you were harshly tugged back into him.

“Not funny,” The sullen boy murmured into your ear, “Ours, not Snivellus’.”

“Shhh s’okay bubba I know you love me,” You soothed him, tangling your fingers in his hair like you knew he liked.

“I’m so sorry bunny we ever made you feel like Snape loved you more, I never want you to feel like we don’t love you.” He squeezed you, “How can we make it up to you?”

“I just got in my own head is all,” You explained, “I was telling the truth earlier when I said that it was nothing any of you had done, just shouldn’t spend all that time alone with my thoughts.”

Sirius’ elegant hand started rubbing up and down your back as you all sat there, soaking in each other’s presence after so many weeks of turmoil. Each time his hand slipped lower and lower down your back till he was groping your ass with the palm of his hand.

“Do you believe us poppet?” Remus asked, taking note of Sirius’ hand on your bum, “You believe that we’ll love you till the day we die?”

You nodded your head, face still buried into James’ neck, “I know you’re telling the truth Remmy, it's probably just going to take a little while for my brain to start really believing it, I spent so long worrying about it that mt stupid brain is’nt just gonna start listening to me.”

Remus nodded as he brushed a piece of hair from your face, it was the answer he’d been expecting.

“How about we show you how much we love you puppy?” Sirius asked from your other side, hand sliding from your ass to your thigh before slipping underneath the hem of your skirt.

“What do you mean Siri?” You cocked your head to the side in a rather obvious display of your confusion.

Wordlessly he stood up and slipped you from James’ lap moving to the foot of the bed where he laid you out on your back. Your blouse hung open off your shoulders revealing your lace clad breasts to the man as his eyes raked over your body, taking in every curve and line of your body.

Starting on the cushiony pillows of your lips, red and raw from gnawing away at them all the way down to the soft lines of your thighs he took his time appreciating every millimeter of you before dragging his eyes back up to the hem of your skirt.

One graceful hand slid to the waistband, already loosened he bent down to press a kiss where the material had rubbed your skin raw over the course of the day.

As your panty clad center was revealed to him Sirius swiftly dropped to his knees, his eyes quickly darting to Remus over your left shoulder for permission for what he was about to. It was granted to him with a soft nod.

“What are you doing Siri?” You pondered as he slid your legs apart from each other, sitting up on his knees as he began pressing sloppy kisses onto the insides of your thighs.

Instead of getting an answer Remus spoke, his words directed to the boy between your legs as though his words would have no consequence on you, “You can mark her Sirius, let everyone know that she’s our pretty girl.”

His words sent a zap of excitement up your back as you remembered how good it felt to be their pretty girl. Something you hadn’t felt like in weeks.

You bucked your hips as Sirius’ lips ghosted over your pussy still hidden to him behind the lacy material that matched your bra, “I’m showing you how much I love you puppy,'' He responded to your earlier posed question, “Now come on, lift your hips f’me,'' He murmured as he slipped the panties along with your school shirt from your hips revealing your pussy to his hungry gaze. Sirius carefully pulled the garments from your legs before dropping them to the floor next to where he knelt.

Inching closer and closer to your cunt as he worked his way up your thighs leaving a trail of kisses in his wake he made sure to sink his teeth into the flesh at certain points, just hard enough that if he sucked he was sure to leave behind mouse shaped bruises. The thought of being marked by him caused a ripple of arousal to go straight to your core.

Once he was satisfied with the marks he’d left on your thighs the raven haired boy moved quickly, nosing your folds apart to breathe in your scent, even with the minimal stimulation you’d had you were already soaking, though Sirius often seemed to do that to you.

“Fuck,” You swore as his nose bumped your clit and you reached out to grab onto the bedding but found James’ hand instead, wrapping your hand around his middle and index finger as you scrunched your eyes closed.

“Pretty baby,” James cooed as he leaned down to smear a kiss across your brow, furrowed from pleasure, “Siri making you feel good?”

You nodded fervently as the aforementioned boy licked a broad stripe from your quivering, sopping entrance to your clit, lifting up the hood to suck gently as James often sucked on your tits. You smiled thinking that you might fall asleep that way tonight because you knew nothing made the boy quite as happy as both falling asleep and waking up with your tit in his mouth.

“Use your words puppy,” Remus’ voice sounded from your otherside and you whipped your head to face him wondering when he’d moved over there, “Wanna hear that pretty voice of yours.”

“Yes Remmy, feels so so good,” Your words hitched as Sirius slipped a finger inside of you, continuing to suck on your clit as he did so.

As you spoke your eyes wandered downwards and you were met with a familiar bulge having formed in Remus’ trousers. The werewolf’s gaze followed yours and smiled as his eyes landed on his crotch.

Your head quickly pivoted to the otherside finding a matching bulge in James’ trousers. A pang of guilt hit your heart as you hadn’t even thought about either of their pleasure, being too overwhelmed by your own as Sirius had thrown your legs over his shoulders allowing him to pull himself closer to your dripping, aching cunt.

Somehow your hand had found its way to Remus’ cock as you mindlessly palmed at his bulge as though that and that alone would work to help it escape from its zippered cage and into your awaiting hand.

“Can I have your cock Rem, please?” You begged looking up at him with wide eyes, fingers fumbling as they finally stumbled across the zipper.

“Course you can bunny,such a good girl asking me for m’cock so nicely, let me get it out for you.”

Remus expertly lifted his hips as he unzipped his zipper, sliding his trousers and boxers down to his mid thigh allowing his cock to spring free.

As his cock was revealed to you Sirius added a second finger into your pussy, curling it at just the right spot to hit the sensitive spot inside of you each and every time he thrusted his fingers. As he pushed the second finger inside of you you felt the distinct chill of metal, you gasped at the unique, though certainly not unwelcome sensation.

Glancing downwards you saw that the hand belonging to the arm that was pinning your hips to the mattress did not bear the signature Marauders ring they all wore proudly on their ring finger. Having his marauders ring thrusted in and out of you made you clench around his long, slender fingers, the extra stretch provided by the jewelry was impossibly hot.

The combination of seeing Remus’ cock, standing proud and tall as his tip, bright red, leaked pre cum onto his shaft and the extra stretch of not only another finger inside of you, but a ring, had you squeezing your legs around Sirius’ head.

Flicking your gaze down towards him you were met with Sirius’ eyes already on you and he circled your clit with his tongue. Much to your chagrin he pulled his head away from your cunt, smoothing his palm up your stomach as he smiled at you with the most sincere look in his eyes, “You’re beautiful like this puppy, so perfect all laid out for us, making a mess all over my face.”

Looking at the bottom of his face you saw the mess he was talking about, his mouth and chin were glistening with your slick. Before you could reply Sirius was diving back into your pussy, scooping his arms under your thighs to lift your hips so that he had even more through access to your pretty cunt.

Any breath you would’ve used to respond was pulled from you as Sirius’ tongue began working magic on your cunt, tracing it painfully slowly before abruptly speeding up.

Remembering the gift that had been bestowed upon you you grappled for Remus’ cock, quickly wrapping your hand around it and beginning to pump up and down, loving nothing more than the way he throbbed beneath your touch.

“That’s a good girl, so good at playing with m’cock, there’s a good girl,”

“Like this?” Your wide eyes stared up at Remus as you twisted your wrist pulling a strangled gasp from him.

“Yes baby, just like that.”

You were mesmerized by his cock as you watched the head disappear before reappearing from your fist as you worked up and down his shaft, your hand working along the natural curve of his prick.

A whiny moan from your other side broke your concentration as you turned your head to investigate it, never halting your movements up and down Remus’ member.

Your eyes fell upon James’ whimpering form, shifting uncomfortably as his eyes flickered back and forth between your hand on Remus’ cock, Sirius’ head buried between your legs and your face, pleasure plastered over your every feature. God you looked beautiful when you were getting eaten out.

Finally you settled on the raging boner visible through James’ trousers, it looked almost painful the way it was straining against the restrictive fabric.

“Aww Jamesie m’sorry, been neglecting your cock,” You mewled, the hand not on Remus’ cock moving to palm James through his trousers.

“That’s okay bunny, m’good just watching you, fuck you’re gorgeous.”

You threw your head back as Sirius pinched at your clit, his tongue and fingers having swapped places as he circled your tight entrance which was clenching around nothing, but who could blame you?

You were in ecstasy.

There was a familiar fire burning in the pit of your belly, one that had begun simmering the second Sirius had looked you up and down once having laid you down on the bed.

A small whimper escaped you as you felt James’ strong calloused hand grope your clothed breast over the mesh and wire cage you kept them concealed in because fuck did that feel good.

You turned your visage to view Remus, he was painfully hard now and you made sure to keep groping James on the other side of you as you quickened your speed on Remus’ cock.

“Merlin puppy that feels so good, our good puppy. I love you so much my love, so much,” His praise came as he tangled his hands in your hair, using his hold on your to direct your face up to view his. He looked angelic, beads of sweat forming on his hairline with clouded over hazel eyes and the most beautiful lips you’d ever seen that released haggard groans and breaths.

A whine tumbled from your lips at the praise, Remus was always the gentler out of your doms, James barely counting as most of the time he was on his knees with you ready to obey his next command, but his praise seemed to be affecting you more than you were used to. Not that you were complaining though, on the contrary, you were living for it as it spurred you closer and closer to orgasm.

You squeezed Remus’ cock as Sirius nipped at your clit, the sensation walking the delicate line between pleasure and pain but jarring nonetheless. You’d be lying if you said that it didn’t send a rush of arousal to the fire now beginning to roar in your belly.

The feeling of James and Remus’ cocks in your hands was oddly erotic and as they worked to ground you as Sirius pulled you further and further into bliss the holdon them, feeling every vein and ridge and twitch turned you on more and more and had you bucking into Sirius’ mouth.

“I’m gonna cum!” You screamed as Sirius sped up his ministrations on your pussy, sucking your clit between his lips as he mercilessly pistoned his fingers in and out of you.

“M gonna cum too,” James admitted, sucking in a tight breath as he wriggled his hips, resisting the urge to buck up as you lackadaisically palmed at his still clothed crotch, never having the time to properly undress.

The thought of cumming with James pushed you right to the edge to the point where you could barely form words, but knowing you’d need permission before you were allowed to cum you sought out the one person who could grant you such. “Can I cum?” You pleaded, turning your head to face Remus, “Please Rem let me cum please!”

“You gonna cum too Jamesie?” The lycan’s eyes were trained on James’ face, eyes wide as he watched your hand slip up and down Remus’ curved length.

Upon receiving his answer, a yes delivered in rushed nods, Remus turned back to you, “Yes baby, go ahead and cum for us, make a mess all over Siri’s face. Gonna look so pretty when you cum undone, such a pretty girl.”

That final praise tipped you over the edge, sending you into a bliss filled oblivion as warmth seeped to every nook and cranny in your body. You felt your legs tense and spasm as you squeezed your thighs around Sirius’ head, bucking into his face to get as much stimulation as possible because there was no way for you to get enough.

You distantly registered a string of curses leaving your lips as euphoria washed through your body, taking with it any little doubts and worries that hadn’t parted with the boy’s earlier kind words.

As your orgasm passed and you blinked your eyes open you found a lightness in your chest you hadn’t felt in months. All the wounds from being wrapped up in thorns so long seemed to have healed on your heart, to see you tested it out, letting a singular thought about the boys drift through your consciousness. You were immediately reminded of Sirius’ head still in between your legs, lapping up the slick that had made a mess all over the insides of your thighs, James’ softening prick under one palm and Remus’ still rock hard one in the other.

All those worries you had let occupy your thoughts for months seemed stupid and trivial as you remembered just how much your boys loved you.

“Well would you look at that,” You were pulled from your thoughts by Remus’ voice, following his gaze to James who sat resting on his hands, panting, with an unmistakable stain fresh on the front of his trousers.

“Did Prongs cum in his pants?” Sirius simpered, also huffing, though for completely different reasons as he lifted his head from your cunt, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. The seemingly normal sight sent a shiver up your spine but you quickly shook the thought away.

You nodded your head as your eyes caught on the stain on the front of his trousers but no one seemed to notice.

James’ cheeks were burning bright red as Remus came up behind him, brushing the hair out of his face as he leaned down to press a kiss to the crown of James’ head.

Remus helped the submissive boy to his feet, all the while murmuring quiet praises you couldn’t hear from where you laid until one was spoken loudly enough for your ears, “Come on bubba lets get those boxers off,” The sandy haired boy prompted, “Show (Y/N/N) how pretty you think she is, she made you cum in your pants, I don’t think any of us have ever done that before have we?”

James shook his head as Remus quickly undid the zipper on the other boy’s trousers. The taller boy kneeled to help him step out of his trousers and boxers, leaving him naked from the waist down.

It was an undeniably hot sight, James’ half hard cock resting against his toned thigh, both covered in his cum from his untimely release.

Your eyes were pulled up to Remus as he let out an appreciative hum as he inspected the ruined boxers in his hand.

He slipped onto the bed next to you, “Come on puppy sit up f’me,” Opening his arm for you to settle into his side.

“And you Jamesie,” He prompted, patting his thigh for the boy to sit on. As James settled onto the hard plane of muscle Remus’ still throbbing erection poked into his back, the leaking head smearing precum along the boy’s toned back.

Sirius settled in behind all three of you, peering over your shoulder at the soiled boxers, one hand resting on your shoulder and the other on Remus’. You melted under his touch and snuggled ever closer into Remus’ side, turning your head to press a kiss to the back of Sirius’ hand.

“Y’made Jamesie cum without even taking him out of his pants puppy, can you believe that? That’s how fucking sexy we all think you are, made him cum without even directly touching his cock princess.”

“S’like you’ve got super powers,” James interjected, his eyes trained on you, “Your hand angel, its magic.”

You chuckled at his choice of words, whether or not you were intentional you doubted but it made them all the more cute.

“It’s so pretty,” You murmured, running your index finger through the sticky mess before bringing it up to your lips, sucking it completely clean as you couldn’t get enough of James’ perfect taste. “You taste really good Jamesie.”

The boy at the center of your current conversation turned, hiding his head in the crook of Remus’ neck mumbling a “thank you” into the delicate scarred skin.

“Don’t need to be shy,” Sirius crooned, out of character with the gentleness in his tone, as he combed his fingers through James’ dark tresses, “It’s fucking unbelievable how hot it is.”

You smiled at the delicate interaction between the two boys as James looked up at Sirius with wide eyes and puckered his lips, silently demanding a kiss. It was a demand Sirius was all too ready to obey as he dipped down, sealing James’ lips with his.

As he pulled away he caught you staring at him with want etched all over your face, “Don’t worry puppy,” He simpered, moving to cup your face in his hand, “You can get a kissie too.”

His tongue brushed against the seal of your slips as he deepened the kiss before abruptly pulling away, not wanting to get himself any more wound up than he already was.

“My beautiful girl,” He murmured, pressing a kiss to your forehead as he smiled down at you.

“You two need to get cleaned up,” Remus spoke as you and Sirius gazed at each other, “You, especially Jamesie, made quite the mess of yourself.”

James whined at the subtle comment but aside from that made no other objection.

You on the other hand had other, more pressing worries.

“But what about you, Remmy? You’re still hard and Siri hasn’t even been touched yet, need to get you two off,” Your words came out frantic at the prospect of leaving two of the men you loved so much unsatisfied but Remus was quick to quell your worries with a soothing kiss to your hairline.

“Don’t worry poppet, Siri and I will take care of each other while Jamesie runs a bath for the two of you, yeah? We’ll be right in to join you, have a feeling neither of us are going to last all that long.”

You were reluctant to agree after how amazing you’d been made to feel by your boys since you’d arrived at the dorm and the thought of leaving two of them to take care of each other was frustrating, your frustration did not outweigh the pleasure a warm bubble bath promised and in the end you crumbled.

“Fine.”

“Good girl,” Remus extolled as James slipped from his lap and stood before you, arms open and ready to engulf your significantly smaller figure.

You all but leapt into his embrace, loving the way his strong arms could so easily support you.

“Come on angel,” He cooed down at you, “S’bath time.”

Remus and Sirius waited until the two of you had entered the adjoining bathroom before leaping to their feet, their hands quickly finding the other’s chest desperate to pull another close.

James kicked the door closed behind him but not with enough force to fully close the door, the room beyond it was still visible through a small crack.

Through the crack in the door you were able to see Remus and Sirius and even over the roar of the running water James had started that was slowly filling the ginormous bathtub that sat at the center of the room you could make out the words that fell from their lips.

“You’re gorgeous mon chéri,” Sirius muttered against Remus’ shoulder as he tugged on Remus’ cock, the two boys had made quick time and Sirius’ aching member was already in Remus’ palm.

“Just as beautiful as both of our babies.”

“Impossible.”

“Shut up and cum for Godric’s sake,” The smaller man whined, “I want a bath.”

tagging: @randomoutsiders @weasleyposts @amourtentiaa @kittykylax @superbturtlemakerathlete @oliviashea05 @pinkandblueblurbs @dracofknmalfoy @itsmentalillness @zzzfour @greenlyblue @emmaev @temporaryissue @gubleryum @advictedtohim @marauderswhore07 @st0nesnglitter @wholebigboxofyikes @priii @miraclesoflove @thatvenusbabe @shadesofvelma @drachoesimp @ashlovesthemarauders @artemis1orion @skaratjung @ava-brooke-blog1 @fairyprettygirly @ohwowimlonley @padfootswife @4kweasley @roonilwazlibswhore @swearingsolemnly @teenwolfbitches28 @lilypad-55449 @jamespotterslover @lilytheally @mo-jean @lolooo22 @adrianscumslut @jeannelupinblack @wh0reforthemarauders @myalupinblack @ashesandstars @daisyyy2516 @siriusmydeer @remugoodgirl @itzstacie @planet-wolfstar @steveharringtonswhore @saintlike78 @i-love-scott-mccall @thatdummymarie @cedricisnotdead @pretty-pop-princess-hs

2K notes · View notes

miraculouscontent · 3 years

Video

dailymotion

“Sentibubbler” summary? “Sentibubbler” salt?

Why not both at the same time?

Something a little experimental, though also somewhat reminiscent of some of my past videos. Calling it “summasalt” for now, based on the word “somersault” because this episode was an exercise of my patience.

It’s basically just me going through the episode with my usual episode summary, but salting along the way instead of making you guys read a wall of text without any images or clips or me making snarky comments.

(By the way, yes, I did in fact have caffeine before recording.)

script below for anyone who wants/needs it:

"Sentibubbler" begins with Marinette having food with the Cesaires and I already know this isn't real because Marinette is actually getting to interact with her best friend's family. That's only happened, like--when, two episodes of Season 2? [”Sapotis” and “Anansi”]

Marinette sees Trixx and points out how they're supposed to be a secret, and Alya asks why while calling Marinette "Ladybug." Marinette plays dumb but is told by Nino that everyone already knows her secret. Chloe is also there, chiding Marinette for her identity rule - it's not Marinette's rule but after "Reflekdoll" I've just gotten used to Marinette being blamed for things she didn't do - and Marinette goes to question Chloe's apperance when there's a knock on the balcony door. Alya invites Shadow Moth in and--[Shadow Moth has to duck to come inside]--huh, I thought Sole Crusher was seven episodes ago.

Anyway, now obviously, Marinette is just being ridiculous and overemotional as usual, because why would Marinette ever think that Alya would reveal any information to--["Feast"]--oh yeah, that's right.

Tikki doesn't transform Marinette and says that Marinette shouldn't have trusted Alya with her secret. Enter Chat Blanc, who says that they can be together now without any secrets. Not really sure what this episode is aiming for with the mixed message of "your identity rule sucks" but also "your fault for trusting someone instead of having a mental breakdown," but a’ight. Trixx also gets another dig in on Marinette for giving Alya the fox miraculous.

Marinette wakes up from her nightmare and panics, but Tikki reassures her that Alya is loyal. [”Chameleon”] Mm. Also, that kind of support might've been nice from Tikki literal seasons ago when Marinette could've used a confidant.

Wayzz - I swear, they've had eyelashes more often than not in this season - points out that Trixx is mischievous and Xuppu talks about Trixx being the cause of the Loch Ness monster rumors, which worries Marinette further. Marinette runs out in her pajamas and I can already predict that neither Tom nor Sabine are going to check on her later or care.

Marinette finds the Cesaires looking for something, their words vague enough for Marinette to think that they're talking about Trixx. Alya brushes Marinette off and tells her to help with looking instead of lecturing her.

Marlena makes a comment that reminds Marinette of her nightmare, only increasing Marinette's stress. A tarantula crawls up a ladle and Marinette freaks out when she sees it, which Marlena has a laugh at because Marinette's anxiety, fear, and panic is hilarious, guys!

This is my laughing face. [not a laughing face]

Nino exits, having been too afraid of the spider to leave the room, so Nora compares Marinette to him. Nino tries to play it cool, then changes the subject to point out Marinette's pajamas. Alya wonders aloud why Marinette showed up and Marinette tries to act casual, but Alya sees through it and states that she doesn't usually lose things when someone lends them to her.

I presume the exception is Marinette's trust. OH-HOOOOHHH, we'll get there.

Nora takes a jab at Alya for losing the spider and Marinette drags Alya away to talk. Nino tries to join but Alya states that it's between her and Marinette, which makes Nino sad.

Nino, does the phrase "guys' time" ring a bell by any chance?

Marinette is explaining her nightmare and is simply told to calm down by Alya, though Marinette is briefly startled by a phone ringing. Marinette puts together what she knows that Shadow Moth knows, including that Alya is Rena Rouge, adding on that Shadow Moth could steal the fox necklace if he figured out that Alya has it permanently. Alya reassures her that no one will ever know and Marinette states that this must include Chat Noir. Alya agrees and brings attention to the fanny pack around her waist, which Trixx has been hiding in, and Marinette has Trixx promise not to show up at the dining table like in her nightmare. Tikki tells Marinette that everything will be fine and Marinette admits that it was silly of her to worry, which it was! ...If you ignore all the anxiety, mental scarring, and constant pressure to be perfect or risk Paris lighting itself on fire, much like I presume they accidentally did with their original script for this episode.

Alya tells Marinette to trust her and also herself - I'll be sure to keep that in mind, Alya, thank you - then Alya loses her temper at the phone continuing to ring. She leaves to find an empty living room, then answers the phone only to hear Shadow Moth on the other line. Alya turns upon hearing Marinette scream to see that Marinette has been trapped in a bubble. Cue the reveal/return of the Bubbler, who is definitely Nino akumatized and not--like--a sentimonster, because the episode didn't spoil it at all with the title of Sentibub--

show, this is freaking embarrassing. Why even bother akumatizing someone when you can mold a sentimonster with the exact power you want?

At least they reveal it quickly, though that also means I have to live with the knowledge that Shadow Moth wINKED AT ALYA, NO.

Anyway, Shadow Moth tells Alya that he wants her to betray Ladybug. Marinette, meanwhile, is panicking over being unable to transform while in public, whereas Tikki remains calm and reassures her that Alya will figure something out and it's why Marinette gave Alya the fox miraculous in the first place.

Weird, I thought it was for the show to continuously validate Alya as a worthy choice for a confidant despite repeatedly covering up her sINS and so the show can push for more anxiety on Marinette's part while simultaneously not having to make a new hero model for Alya, which they would have to do if the realistic decision had been made to give Alya a different miraculous due to Shadow Moth knowing her identity as Rena Rouge.

Marinette texts Alya to inform her that the Bubbler is a sentimonster and so Rena can tell Chat not to use Cataclysm on him or the bubbles will burst due to the sentimonster's lack of control.

Hate to burst the show's bubble but Alya could literally see Nino up in the sky and they could see her; the bubbles are in viewing range. Did this even go through a quality check?

Alya goes to look at Marinette's text, but the phone is bubbled away by Sentibubbler. Marinette sees the phone floating by and panics, only to be reassured again to trust Alya and at this point I vaguely wondered if I was watching this episode on repeat. Tikki also adds that Alya has never let her down - [”Ladybug”] MMMM - and Marinette agrees, also certain that Chat Noir will show up soon.

Oh yeah, he exists. Oh no.

Cut to the Agreste mansion where Adrien is watching the news - dude, how is there never anything better on when you need to be told that there's an akuma? here, look, I'll show you [”Silencer” Lukabug clip] there, much better, see? - and it's pointed out that the bubbles are identical to the ones Bubbler had, yet Nino is in one of the bubbles. Adrien readies himself while Plagg is - for once - okay with leaving since his cheese isn't "edible" yet.

I feel like he should be a little more concerned about Marinette being in a bubble.

Meanwhile, Shadow Moth is explaining to Alya that Ladybug will come to give her the fox miraculous due to the bubbled people in the sky - plenty of other choices that aren't within breathing range of the obvious danger zone, but a'ight - and SentiBubbler will catch Ladybug. Alya brings up Chat Noir saving her but Shadow Moth states that she'll create an illusion of Ladybug and Rena to lure Chat Noir, who won't see Sentibubbler coming, at which point Rena will hand Shadow Moth her miraculous. He adds that her loved ones will only be returned once all three miraculouses are in his possession, though if she tries to warn the heroes then Sentibubbler will send the bubbles into space, too far for any hero to save them.

[clip of space power-ups] Hm.

Also, I would've just let her keep the miraculous as an extra bribe since he doesn't need the fox and she wouldn't have time to recharge anyway - at least to his knowledge - but that's just me.

Marinette is relieved that Alya still hasn't been captured--TIKKI, I KNOW, YOU'VE BEEN PARROTING THIS ALL EPISODE, I KNOW--but Marinette changes her tune when she sees Alya blindly calling out for Ladybug's help, unaware that Alya is buying time. Marinette laments the idea of transforming there and having using the rabbit to go back in time to reverse, as that's never a good thing (seconded), but gets the idea for Tikki to take her miraculous to someone else. Tikki rejects the idea, as the earrings won't go through the bubble, and Marinette realizes that Chat Noir is their only hope.

I mean, it was nice knowing them. Sure is interesting how Marinette has only been getting herself into these situations where she requires saving when the show needed to present Alya as a valid choice for a confidant.

Meanwhile, Chat Noir is leaving a message for Ladybug about the bubbles in the sky, saying that he'll wait for her; I already see where this is going and I don't like it.

Alya mutters to Trixx about how they need a plan to release Marinette. Through Alya Vision, we're shown Sentibubbler, a bowl of fruit, and the bathroom door. Alya tells Sentibubbler that she needs to go to the bathroom and - wow, we're really doing this, aren't we? - which Shadow Moth rejects. Shadow Moth is also on top of a building holding a coffee cup which honestly makes about as much sense as the rest of the episode, so whatever. Alya claims that she can't wait and that it'll be awkward for Ladybug to find her like that, which gets Shadow Moth to relent but also remind her of what's at stake if she tries anything. Alya states that she can't do anything without a miraculous anyway, then purposefully falls onto the table, concealing her long enough for her to transform and allowing an illusion of herself to go to the bathroom while she escapes. She detransforms in the twins' room and feeds Trixx with some grapes that she'd picked up.

Alya explains her plan to trick Shadow Moth and Sentibubbler since they don't know that she has a miraculous, though she also has to make sure that Chat won't ruin things. Rena then proceeds to call Chat Noir and claim that Ladybug wanted her to call him with her plan, but adds that it's a two-person plan and Chat himself isn't needed, so he needs to wait for further instructions. Chat demands that Ladybug call him to tell him herself, but Rena insists that she can't, as Ladybug is very busy. She warns him not to use Cataclysm if he sees the Bubbler, as he's a sentimonster, then promises to talk to him later before hanging up.

She uses Mirage again, making the Alya illusion reappear as well as creating a Ladybug. Chat Noir, infuriated at being left out, destroys part of a building with his baton. He then dismisses the action because Miraculous Ladybug will fix it.

Spoiler alert, it will, which is a very fascinating detail! I mean, I can't imagine another situation where a hero did something while there was an akuma going around and Miraculous Ladybug decided to help 'em out, but it just goes to show what happens when you're the writers' pet. Just look a little pitiful and they'll give you all the sympathy in the world.

By the way, didn't expect them to actually confirm my theory that Chat Noir does Chat Noir things because he knows that Miraculous Ladybug will fix it anyway, essentially allowing him to earn brownie points from Ladybug via sacrificing himself regardless of how it affects her mentally, yet here we are and I don't know whether to be sad, angry, disappointed, or a mixture of all three.

Chat Noir sees the Ladybug illusion jumping off and gives chase, refuses to stay where he is. Marinette, seeing that Rena Rouge's illusions are active, panics at the sight of Chat Noir, as the illusion will vanish if Chat touches it.

I like to imagine the immediate concern is the idea that Chat Noir will try to take Ladybug's hand while trying to flirt.

Anyway, Marinette flails inside the bubble in an attempt to reach Chat Noir, while illusion Alya and SentiBubbler get into position. Chat Noir watches what he perceives as Ladybug heading into the Cesaire house with Alya, but Marinette gets to him in order to tell him not to go anywhere. Chat complains about everyone telling him to stay put, but Marinette explains Rena's plan to him. Chat is skeptical of how she knows that, to which Marinette insists that she saw it from where she was. Chat Noir relents with a sigh and stays where he is.

SentiBubbler watches as the illusion of Alya and Ladybug talk to each other, Rena making it look like Ladybug is piecing together what happened and refusing to give Alya a miraculous ever again due to Shadow Moth knowing her identity. She claims that she'll find another holder and give them an even more powerful miraculous, which interests Shadow Moth and gets him to follow after the Ladybug illusion. Once Sentibubbler leaves as well, Chat sees this as his chance to stop the sentimonster, as the Ladybug illusion will vanish if it's touched. Marinette strokes his ego for the token love square moment of the episode, and Chat Noir fights SentiBubbler while Shadow Moth goes after the Ladybug illusion.

I'm noticing a real lack of tension in this episode. Once Alya has her plan, it's kind of a clean sweep from start to finish with no interference or unexpected roadblocks in the way. Even Shadow Moth following the Ladybug illusion goes fine, with Shadow Moth even punching a building thinking that Ladybug actually got away from him.

Dude, it's fine, Miraculous Ladybug will fix it, just put on your best sad face. Maybe Chat Noir gets it from you actually, is treatment from the writers a hereditary thing?

Sentibubbler and Chat Noir are still fighting. Shadow Moth shows up and Marinette tries to warn Chat, but Chat gets caught in a bubble and Marinette apologizes; she doesn't have anything to apologize for but after "Reflekdoll" I--wait I already did this.

Chat Noir uses Cataclysm to escape, only to get caught in another bubble. I'd just like to throw out there that this guy's a hero three seasons going and the love interest for the main character, yet his role in the episode has amounted to complaining about the authority of a hero Ladybug chose, throwing a property-destroying tantrum over being excluded, and wasting his power without a single thought which just got him captured again.

Chat, does the name "Syren" ring any bells by any chance? I'm just sayin', you could always quit. In fact, wasn't it you literally one episode ago saying that you understood if Ladybug couldn't always come get you? Then, after seeing the jump from "Glaciator" to "Frozer," I'm about as shocked as rubber.

Back with the competent one, Alya notes to Trixx that Rena Rouge can no longer be seen by Shadow Moth or else the jig is up. She transforms and texts Marinette to be ready, creating an illusion of Marinette that simultaneously hides the real version, allowing her to transform into Ladybug.

Chat Noir's bubble gets dragged down and Shadow Moth gets SentiBubbler to mute Chat Noir's bubble.

[clip from “Silencer” where Ladybug takes amusement in Chat being muted]

Ladybug uses Lucky Charm and receives a pot, her Lucky Vision spotting Shadow Moth's coffee cup, then SentiBubbler, then the tarantula trapped in a bubble. Ladybug deduces that the cup is the sentimonster's object, then pulls the horse miraculous out of her yoyo and unifies it with the ladybug--oh.

Oh my.

You know, it's times like this where I'm reminded that the show knows nothing about fashion... or girls... or good writing actually--there's just a lot of stuff they don't know.

Sentibubbler does a countdown, then starts sending the civilian bubbles up into the sky. Chat Noir is about to de-transform while PegaBug notices of Shadow Moth's two miraculous, up for grabbin'. She notes that she won't be able to catch everyone, so she forms a portal behind Shadow Moth and goes for the coffee cup first, thus putting her in control of SentiBubbler, who happily brings the bubbles back down at her command.

Shadow Moth erases SentiBubbler from existence though, causing everyone to fall, but Chat and PegaBug manage to catch them. PegaBug de-transforms and presents the Cesaires with the tarantula, which had been trapped inside the lucky charm. Ladybug and Chat Noir watch Shadow Moth escape and Ladybug laments that it could've been the end of Shadow Moth once and for all because it's not a Miraculous episode without Marinette being at fault or feeling guilty in some way! Chat Noir reassures her [*by “reassure,” I mean he might as well have said, “Well, you saved ME, so you did great!”] - wow, that's two token love square moments for the price of one episode, don't I feel spoiled - and Ladybug leaves to retrieve the tarantula's tank.

Rena Rouge is waiting for her and they hug, with Rena repeating that she doesn't lose something that someone gives her. Ladybug states that she never should've doubted the idea of giving Alya a miraculous and Imma just give you guys a counter real quick. [counter that shows that Tikki has complimented Alya four times, Alya has complimented herself/told Marinette to trust her thrice, and Marinette has said that she was wrong thrice]. Miraculous Ladybug is cast and everything returns to normal, with Alya explaining what she did and Marinette being relieved that Shadow Moth won't be going after her anymore. Alya confidently asks if she was smart and Marinette is happy to praise her, confirming it and stating that Alya is a real superhero and honestly? If the narrative wanted to marry Alya this badly, they should've just used some of the budget to buy a ring instead of projecting onto the other characters.

Then again, the apparent budget can't even afford a new hero model nor new akuma to a very noticeable degree, so I guess they're taking what they can get.

Alya praises Marinette as well for her work as PegaBug and they do a fistbump, thus ending the episode. There's also this ever-so-lovely post-episode scene with Gabriel and Nathalie where Gabriel laments the fact that Ladybug never makes mistakes which--I... has he even watched the series at all? Gabe, babe, Babriel Agreste, it's literally part of the show's formula that Marinette makes a mistake in every episode and she felt guilty like a minute ago over not yoinking your miraculouses when she had the chance, where have you been?

But, yeah, anyway, the episode.

Needless to say, not a fan. Like I said, the show seems so intent on immediately validating the choices they make with Alya in order to make her look like a better character. "Gang of Secrets" basically replaced her with someone different at the end of the episode, and the episode immediately afterwards in chronological order, "Mr. Pigeon 72," did everything it could to push Marinette out of her guardian position long enough for Alya to figure out the grimoire despite having zero onscreen experience with it, the episode even trapping Ladybug in a situation that forced Rena Rouge to come into play to validate that decision as well.

And now we have "SentiBubbler" here following immediately after "Optigami," desperate to reassure its audience that Alya is cool, smart, truthworthy, and that not needing to make a new model--sorry, I mean Alya continuing to have the fox--was a good decision. All the while, they continue pushing Alya's flaws under the rug [Note that it’s not even considered that Alya is even remotely at fault for Shadow Moth going after her specifically after her stunt in “Optigami” when no one else but Ladybug and Chat have ever given out a miraculous], hiding them instead of Alya actually acknowledging them, the only reason she did so in "Optigami" being the same as in "Gang of Secrets"; to make her look good while Marinette makes a big decision in their relationship.

The episode tries so hard to drill in this idea that Alya is a good friend who can be trusted, and I'm just not here for how much they try to hammer it in. Marinette's very real anxiety over Shadow Moth's power and ability to plan things is played off as her being silly instead of something to be concerned about, and instead of giving her a hug and trying to help her calm down - [clip from “Heart Hunter” of Luka hugging Marinette] I miss Luka - she's just told to trust and believe and hAVE fAiTh in Alya.

Shadow Moth is an adult; he has abilities that the teenage heroes don't. I'm not even saying that Marinette isn't overreacting [Basically, her concern about Shadow Moth is valid, especially after “Optigami” where her identity was almost found out], but she has anxiety and some obvious trauma over "Chat Blanc." I was already upset that Alya got a free pass to Marinette's identity, but the constant stressing over how much Marinette should trust her just doesn't affect me when I know Alya and I know the kind of stuff she's done that the show blatantly ignored in favor of pushing for her.

But okay, show, I'll give Alya the benefit of the doubt that she doesn't deserve. Let's say that she's turned a new leaf, and has become the reliable, trustworthy, and loyal partner that Marinette deserves. I'm sure that Alya has Marinette's back, and will never go behind said back in order to do something completely unsurprising and wholly indicative of the character I actually know her to be.

Especially not a mere three episodes later...

#MC's Videos #category: episode summaries #category: salt #video: critique #MC's Renders #render: persona #episode: Sentibubbler #((Definitely let me know what you guys think because I don't know if I should do this more or not.))#((Judging from what the response is will help me make a decision on it.))#((I know my editing could be a little better but my video editor has been physically fighting me lately.))#((Is there such a thing as TOO sassy/sarcastic?))#((idk if I'm actually funny or not so definitely lemme know if there was anything that particularly amused you guys))#((so I know in the future where your guys' sense of humor lies.))#((I don't really TRY to be funny I just do whatever comes to mind/is comfortable.))

640 notes · View notes

downwiththemutantnjnjaturtles · 3 years

Note

Could u also do the four with an S/O that can read them like a book, and just out of no where knows what’s going on and gives random (good) advice? Thank you so much!!

Agh, anon, your requests are a breath of fresh air—feel like I'm going back to my roots with these classic headcanon-type posts 😭💜 I figured this would be a good post to go into some of the problems the boys might have, if you don't mind!

The Boys with an S/O who can read them like a book:

Donatello

• His latest projects, practical and obscure, have not been going well as of late

• He's in a slum and can't seem to get out of it, trying incessantly to fix the various issues to no avail

• It's not often he gets like this but it's here and he's irritable—unable to peel himself away from his projects even late, late into the night when he should be in bed

• You find him up way past the hour in his lab, having heard him tapping his instruments, shuffling around the space, he's not making an effort to be subtle but generally no one approaches him in these times

• Well, except for you

• He doesn't quite notice your presence until he turns around to find you leaned on the doorway

• "You know, all this stuff isn't going to run away from you," you say diplomatically. "It's going to be here when you wake up in the morning. So why don't you go to bed, Donnie?"

• "Because I have to figure out what's wrong," he sighs. "If I don't do it now, I'll..."

• You walk over and take the empty pipette from his hand, setting it down on the counter behind you. "You have all the time in the world to tackle this stuff; you really should go to bed, Donnie. Like I said, your projects aren't going to be gone in the morning, or the next, or the one after that. You shouldn't live life with a constant sense of urgency."

• It may not be what he really wants to hear, but he can't deny that he is impatient at times and tends to prone to anxiety when things keep going wrong.

• "You...may be right. Possibly. Maybe," he says, a hint of defeat. "Okay. I'll go to bed."

• Kisses the top of your head on his way out.

• Someone to understand and give him a gentle perspective without judgement is a very welcome change

Leo

• Leo always has a looming feeling of being unprepared

• What if Mikey won't be paying attention when he needs him to? What if Raph has an explosive episode on the surface and puts their mission on the line? What if Donnie's equipment fails them at the worst moment?

• It's why he's always harking on everyone to make sure everything is in place, pushing for training, trying to avoid creating conflict. He just wants everyone to be safe, and so the micromanaging begins.

• His brothers have been more uncooperative and uncoordinated than usual

• Meditates excessively when these things are on his mind, today being no different—he enters a distant state of mind while doing mundane tasks and his usual practices that makes him feel unapproachable

• You find him doing it yet again, he's cleaning his portion of the lair and re organizing things he's already organized

• "What has you so frazzled, Leo?" you ask.

• He doesn't even respond until he's done setting his books back in order.

• "Nothing," he says. "I'm doing what I always do."

• "You sure?" "Because it seems like you're stressing right now."

• "I'm fine. This is how I relax."

• You take a seat on the edge of his bed. "So you are stressed?"

• Leo hadn't seemed to notice the words he'd used but knows he can't backtrack.

• "You can trust your brothers, you know that, right?" He sits down as well and sighs. "Even when you guys are a little...off beat, you always pull through, don't you? That's why you're so good, it's because you can improv and adapt. There have been times where you are totally not on the same page and still managed to make it out, and pretty successfully, might I add."

• He contemplates for a minute. You're right; with or without all of his excessive efforts, they always found a way.

• "Hearing it from someone else makes it easier to see, I guess. Thank you, (Y/N), I'll keep that in mind."

• The surprise advice is unexpected but appreciated, as no one can make him relax like that besides Splinter

Mikey

• He doesn't realize just how obvious he is when he's bothered

• Genuinely confused when point out his fiddling with random stuff, going back and forth to the kitchen more than normal, a little quieter than you're used to. Weirdly enough, he gets a bit lethargic when things like this crop up because he thinks so much

• Like now. He's used to being low-key criticized for his natural behavior and mindset, but a guy can only take so much, can't he?

• He doesn't want to feel like a kid and like he's incompetent, yet he feels that way at times due to how people talk to him

• He's fidgeting with some trinket on the couch when you approach him and seems unenthusiastic

• "Oh, what's up babes?"

• "You're doing the thing again," you say with a chuckle, "being told you're doing something wrong feels pretty bad, huh?"

• He's a little confused

• "What do you mean?"

• "I mean that sometimes your family doesn't understand that you function a certain way and, there's nothing inherently wrong with that, but at the same time, we have to be conscientious, don't we? Not every criticism is a personal offense, so try not to take it to heart too much, babe."

• He takes a moment to process, but you know he's got it when his eyes light up and he puts down whatever he's messing with

• "How come you like...always know what to say, angelcakes? You're so smart!"

• Will end up coming to you instead when he's got a problem if Leo or Donnie's a part of it, because they used to be his go-to, but telling it to his partner just hits different

• Your words actually stick with him and he's not too stubborn to take them in stride

Raph

• To be honest, Raph doesn't do well with being confronted while he's angry in general...

• Tends to blow steam off in his gym or practicing with his sai (or, if he's in a REALLY bad mood, knitting) though can only spend so much time doing that

• Not before you say something, at least

• Raph is a highly emotional person, not limited to anger. But this of course makes him an accident waiting to happen at times because of his intense disposition, so his attitude can be shit-starter, especially with Leonardo because he envies his position leader

• So, he's been clearly fuming and you've decided it's time to say something

• He's at his weight bench repping it out

• "Have another argument with Leo?"

• "Something like that."

• "You understand he's under a lot of pressure, right? That being team leader isn't that easy?"

• "What would you know?"

• "It's not hard to figure, Raph, you guys are being actively hunted and the responsibility's on him to keep you safe when Splinter can't be there. Yes, that's you too. Try putting yourself in his shoes and think about how that would make you feel. It's hard? Yeah. I know it's not what you want, but you have your own special place in the family, and no one can replace you. Think about how much Leo and the rest of your brothers would flounder if you weren't there. They need you where you're at, just like you three need Leo. You're their big guns, big guy."

• Of course, he doesn't want to admit that you're right, that hurts the pride

• But deep down he knows that it's true.

• "I'll tell y what, baby girl, you've got the nerve, I guess. I ain't saying you're right or anything, but..."

• He's always going to remember this, but unfortunately, he won't always heed your advice. It gets lost in the moment and it's his personal problem that he must deal with himself.

#tmnt #teenage mutant ninja turtles #tmnt x reader #tmnt donnie #tmnt mikey #tmnt raph #tmnt leo

514 notes · View notes

shuahoonie · 4 years

Text

out of love [tom holland]

PAIRING: tom holland x female!reader

SUMMARY: being close friends with your ex is fine, right? even if your love for them was unparalleled among others. even if you were still in the process of moving on from them. even if you know they’re happy with someone else. even if you have no clue whether they loved you like you loved them.

WARNINGS: foul language, so much angst, it starts ok at first then goes downhill from there. i literally write things on the go so i don’t know if this will have fluff at some point

(if it does and i didn’t state it here, send me a cute photo of tom and a message of: ok wow she pulled thru 🤪; and if it doesn’t have fluff, send me a meme and a message of: miss girl i simply cannot today ✋😃)

WORD COUNT: 5.6k

A/N: hello! tonight, we are going to be sad!!! i know i usually like to write about all things fluff, but this?? this is just for me because i am having one of those episodes. i just need to feel something again aside from the stress of writing 3 academic papers per week lmao. i’m def not expecting people to like this type of vibe but yannoe. i apologize in advance.

this is inspired by that one episode from new girl (season 6 x ep 16)

gif credits: @thollandgifs

vanessa’s masterlist | taglist form | part two - pandemonium

“You know, you can still live with us right?” Your friend Maia commented as she placed the box, labelled “fine china that mom gave me but will i ever use them?”, on the kitchen island.

“I know,” You murmured dropping the heavy case of pots and pans on the floor. “But maybe living alone will be good for me.” You replied, forcing a smile. “Besides, I don’t want to int—“

“Hey, Y/N, where do you want this?” Harrison asked as he held out a box that’s labelled with “books that my grandpa passed on. HANDLE WITH CARE!”

“Oh, just set it down on the living room—“ before you could even finish, Harrison dropped the box on the floor as if it was nothing. “Harrison!” You hissed, as you quickly rushed to check on the box.

“Y/N, babe, they’re just books. Surely they can withstand any amount of pressure, yeah?” Haz tried to reassure you.

“Haz, those books are from my grandpa—which I’m sure he got from his grandpa.” You sighed. “They’re really old and fragile, so I just want them to be in a well enough condition to stand in my bookcase.”

“‘m sorry,” He murmured, rubbing the back of his head. “It’s just, why do you have to move out?” Harrison asked, frustrated at the whole thing.

“Like I told Maia, maybe having my own place will be good for me.” You replied calmly, as you neatly put the box filled with your grandpa’s books in the corner room—the initial place where you want to build your bookcase. “It’s been a while since I’ve lived on my own.”

“Yeah,” Harrison acknowledged “But there’s absolutely no reason for you to move out. You can’t possibly leave me with her!” He pointed at Maia who let out an audible gasp. Harrison was being dramatic of course.

“Haz—“ You were trying to fight off a laugh. “You two are my constants and if I became dependant on having you two at my convenience, it’s going to be a huge problem.”

“In my opinion, I don’t see it as a problem.” Maia pointed out childishly. You shook your head in disbelief. You had to move out because you miss having a place to yourself— a place where you can be at your complete worst and you don’t have to think about your friends worrying about you.

Besides, moving out means you don’t have to see Tom that often and that was a bonus in your book. It wasn’t a sour breakup per se, it’s just really difficult to feel happy for your ex when he practically showcases how different he is now with his girlfriend.

You prided yourself as a mature and well-rounded person who could be complete friends with her ex as if that’s normal. You could only keep the façade for so long.

Four months. It’s been four months since you and Tom broke up. You lived with Maia soon after the breakup and that enough was a blessing. Maia couldn’t bear to handle the fact that you would be alone at a time like this. Harrison usually crashes at Maia’s so he was bound to move in with you two. In fact, he was always there more often than you.

That was the point where you were convinced that Harrison liked Maia and that Maia liked Harrison.

Conveniently, you and Tom never ‘officially’ moved in together so you could avoid him freely at all costs.

Of course, that was eventually going to end soon. You and Tom were in the same friend group so you were bound to see each other, much to your dismay. You couldn’t exactly make Harrison and Maia pick friends because it’s not fair for anyone.

You were all friends before you and Tom decided to date. Maybe that’s why people say to never date a friend—especially if they’re near and dear.

You were coming back from work when you found people in the living room, and as if the universe really wanted to test you, it was the least likely people you’d expect to see.

“Y/N!” Maia’s voice was pure panic. “I didn’t know you’d be home this early.”

Your eyes quickly flickered between the two people standing across you before you diverted your attention to Maia. “Uh—yeah. There wasn’t really much to do in the office so I came home early.”

Maia turned to Harrison who was equally lost on how to handle the situation. I mean, who wouldn’t?! What were you supposed to do when your friend drops in unannounced with their new girlfriend and to makes the matters worse, your other friend—whom your friend dated before— decides to come home early?

You didn’t know how what kind of spirit took over your body that prompted you to extend your hand to the girl sitting beside your ex and say: “Hello, I’m Y/N.”

The girl looked surprised but shook your hand in return. “Nadine,” Nadine smiled slyly “I—um, I’m Tom’s girlfriend.”

Tom looked mildly uncomfortable but you chose to ignore it. You were becoming good at that—ignoring Tom.

You returned the smile at Nadine. You could feel the burning stares from your friends, mostly Maia. You cleared your throat and said, “I’ll just be in my room to finish the papers I need to send to my editor if you’ll excuse me.”

Before you left completely, you gave Nadine another smile and said, “It’s nice to meet you again, Nadine.”

You don’t remember how you got to your room but that was the least of your concern. You were just undeniably overwhelmed with what just happened that you didn’t even notice that there was a knock on your door.

When you opened the door, it was the last person you expected to see standing in your doorframe.

“Can we talk?” Tom asked in almost a whisper.

You gave him a half shrug and opened the door slightly wider for him.

“We’re okay, right?” He asked, looking at you in the eye.

At this point, you convinced yourself that you were numb. You never talked about the breakup. You never overtly said anything about what you felt. You felt empty. You convinced yourself that you were empty.

You stared back at Tom and without missing a beat, you replied “Of course. Why shouldn’t we?”

“Just admit that you two will miss me,” You teased, grabbing another box from Maia.

“Only if you admit that you’re moving out for an entirely different reason,” Maia whispered carefully as her eyes flickered towards Tom who was also helping with your move out.

You pressed your lips together and acted like he wasn’t even there. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” You said, you know, like a liar.

You weren’t a vocal person. The idea of talking about your feelings was really difficult for you so you try your best to avoid it. Actually, it’s worse than that. You’d go to extreme lengths to avoid confrontation.

Obviously, it wasn’t healthy. You would always distance yourself whenever you feel emotionally exhausted, and you really meant that distance. It wasn’t bad at first—maybe a day or two was all you needed before you felt comfortable enough to be around people again.

Then it became worse when you were in university. You were beyond unreachable. Aside from being emotionally exhausted, you were mentally drained too. You were always buried with papers and readings which was unavoidable but it took a huge toll on you. So whenever you get a chance to get a break, you completely shut off from people.

Your friends definitely noticed it and they tried their best to help.

Tom was among the people who definitely went out of their way to help you. He would always drop by at your dorm with food or coffee—he would literally just drop them off, most of the time. He would leave small notes that up to this day, you still kept and tucked away in a box.

Both Maia and Harrison followed Tom’s approach. They would all alternate on who’s dropping what and when. Some days, Maia would drop off a new skincare product she’s been using or a lovely box of macarons from your favourite patisserie.

On other days, Harrison would drop off some of his home-cooked meals or maybe a book he saw from a local bookstore—a book that reminded him of you.

Tom was very persistent though. He would sometimes wait out on the hall, just so he could see you and reassure himself (and your friends) that you were okay.

You found it taxing at first—you would often try your best to match the energy from your friends, which only left you exhausted at the end of the day. You wanted space and you clearly weren’t getting that from Tom. You did acknowledge that he only did it out of pure concern.

You often wondered why he did that, staying, but you didn’t ask him. You never did.

Maybe you were afraid that you’d come off as rude or that you’d seem ungrateful for dismissing someone when they’ve clearly taken the time off their day just to check on you.

However, every time you’d open that door, it always seemed that Tom would breathe a huge sigh of relief when you lock eyes. Even if it was just for a quick second. You wondered about that too.

Tom wasn’t really being intrusive. Most of the time, he will leave a few minutes after you’d open the door to get the things your friends would drop off. You’d always ask him if he wants to stay inside for a bit, but he’d always decline.

Except for that one time, though. That one time that you knew you were going to fall in love.

It was the week of midterms and deadlines. You were knee-deep with papers from different classes that demanded to be finished that week, one of which was a research paper that practically tied you to your laptop and made you consume an unhealthy amount of caffeine.

It wasn’t until 2 am when you were about to go on a quick drive to a McDonald’s but saw Tom dozed off in the hallway, his back pressed against the wall.

“Tom,” You shook him gently, trying not to startle him. “Tom, wake up.”

His eyes slowly fluttered open, seemingly disoriented at first but would soon fall into the warm familiarity that your face always brings.

“Why are you sleeping in the hall?” You asked quietly, careful not to make a fuss. The walls in your dorm were very thin and you learned that the hard way. You’d think they’d put a disclaimer about that in the lease when you’re housing a bunch of university students with raging sex drives.

It took Tom a minute to fully comprehend the question, seeing that the bright fluorescent light was being harsh on him and that he’s generally like that when being jolted awake.

“Oh, erm, I—” Tom was finding the right words to use. He can’t exactly exclaim ‘I’ve been worried sick about you!’ out of nowhere. Instead he said, “I was waiting for you to open the door, just to see if you’re alright.”

“All night?”

Tom scratched the back of his neck. “It seemed that way, yeah.” He muttered sheepishly.

You were dumbfounded. Surely this was the first time someone actually fell asleep outside your door, waiting for you to come out. It was sweet but highly unnecessary.

“I was just about to head out and get some McDonald’s, do you wanna come with?” You asked, giving him a hand to hoist himself up.

“I should get going—“

“Have you eaten yet?” You asked cutting him off, taking Tom by surprise. He shook his head no. “Then you should really come.” You said, jingling your car keys in front of him.

Tom was debating whether or not to go with you. It’s been a while since you hung out, but that was the same case for everyone. None of your friends have properly hung out with you ever since the semester started.

Tom should say yes, right?

“Let’s go, Tommy,” You said as you grabbed his hand and dragged him across the hall. “I’ve been staring at my laptop all day and I really need some unhealthy food to balance out the concerning amount of caffeine I’ve consumed.”

“Is that why you’re practically bouncing off the walls?” Tom asked amused, trying to keep up with your pace with your hand holding his.

“Totally,” You grinned at him. “I need to wear out the caffeine or else, I’d have to skip my morning class again.”

“French?”

You nodded. “They’re counting the amount of absences in that class and I really need to keep my shit together.”

“‘m not exactly sure why you took that as an elective,” Tom commented, properly wrapping his hand around yours with fingers interlacing each other.

You tried to ignore it, you really did, but the warm feeling that settled around your stomach drove you crazy.

“Why not? I think it’s cool to learn another language.” You nudged him playfully which he gladly returned.

“I know and trust me, I’m in awe that you’re learning another language! erm—I guess it’s just I feel like you’re overworking yourself too much.” Tom pointed out softly, hoping he didn’t come off as rude or intrusive.

“Eh, I don’t mind.” You replied “It’s what drives me to keep going and for me that’s more than enough. Even if it leaves me little to no sleep, even if it takes too much of my time—it’s enough reason for me to do it.”

Tom stared at you in admiration as soon as those words slipped out your mouth and you didn’t even notice it. You were walking towards the student parking lot, consumed by the twinkling lights from the neighbouring lanes near campus.

Maybe if you weren’t busy consuming the quiet campus grounds, you’d notice the very first time Tom fell in love with you.

“Besides, I know a phrase in french now.”

“Hm—and what’s that, then?”

“Je ne suis pas l’escargot”

“L’escargot? Isn’t that—“

“I am not a snail,” You giggled. “Well, it’s true, isn’t it?”

Tom laughed, “I supposed so.”

Maybe if you weren’t so afraid of confrontation, you’d have an idea of when Tom knew that you were his person.

See, the thing is— you needed to face reality sooner or later and both your friends could see right through it.

“Honestly, Y/N, how on earth can your box of art materials be this heavy—” Tom appeared in front of the door frame, heaving as he carried the box from two flights of stairs.

You quickly averted your gaze from Maia, who was staring at you expectantly, and cleared your throat. “You can just set them by the door, Tom. I don’t know where to put them yet.” You said as you tried your best to act normal.

“You sure? They’re a tad heavy and I don’t want you to strain yourself.” Tom asked with furrowed brows.

All you could do was nod. The last thing you wanted was Tom’s focused attention on you.

“If you say so,” Tom sighed in defeat “I’m going to grab more boxes—Baby, you don’t have to carry that!” Tom was quick to disappear as he urgently dashed towards his girlfriend, Nadine.

“Oh, but I want to help, Tommy.” You heard Nadine say sweetly, assuming she was also pouting.

You could see Maia roll her eyes, urging you to give her a nudge and a taunting look. “Maia,” you called her out, silently pleading her to stop.

Maia settled down but she wasn’t exactly calm about it either. “I’m still not sure why she’s here.” She murmured. You and Harrison were close enough that you can hear her rambles—which was expected from her anyway.

Maia and Nadine go way back—like toddlers and playgrounds kind of way. Though that sounds figuratively adorable in a way, Maia and Nadine never got along.

Nadine used to date Maia’s brother, which already caused Maia a great demise. As one could expect, the relationship didn’t end well. She left him out of nowhere, saying she needs to find herself—or something along those lines.

A week after the breakup, what Nadine found was herself in the arms of another man. Of course, Maia’s brother was devastated—He truly loved Nadine. Maia had to be the pillar that her brother leaned on. It took Maia a great amount of time to help her brother pick up the pieces that Nadine left.

So yeah—Maia wasn’t thrilled when she heard that Tom was Nadine’s new boyfriend.

“She offered to help, Mai,” You whispered “Who am I to deny help?”

Maia looked at you as if you managed to empty your head while you were moving in between flats. “She’s been after me ever since we were kids. She’s also the reason why it took my brother months to get out of bed,” Maia deadpanned “and She’s Tom’s new girlfriend. Remember Tom? Your ex?” She said rather loudly.

You gave her a tiny pinch on her arm, causing her to yelp. “Maia, are you nuts?!”

Harrison left the two of you so he could grab more boxes, while you and Maia bickered silently amongst each other.

“You are thicker than I thought—Seriously, Y/N. Quit pinching me!” Maia aggressively rubbed her arm.

“They’re going to hear you!” You hissed. “The last thing I want is for those two to get involved.”

“Babe, they’re already involved. Tom, especially.” Maia remarked. “I see the way you look at Tom. I also see the pain you feel whenever he’s with she who must not be named.”

“I’m not doing this Maia,” you mumbled as you walked past her. Your objective was now to help Harrison with the remaining boxes. Your objective was anything but to talk about you and Tom.

“You have to face it sooner or later, Y/N.” Maia called out “I’m not leaving you or this apartment until you tell me what really happened.”

“What’s going on?” Harrison asked as he entered the apartment, carrying three sets of boxes. You grabbed one from him and actively avoided his question.

Before Maia could reply, Tom and Nadine appeared on the doorframe, with Nadine practically glued to Tom.

“Harrison got the last remaining boxes so we’re heading off now,” Tom announced as Nadine’s face painted with clear desperation to get out of your place. “Are we still going bowling tonight?” Tom asked before Nadine whispered something in Tom’s ear and left.

“I’m actually exhausted so I’ll pass,” You answered, obviously avoiding spending time with your ex and his current girlfriend. You’re not that pathetic.

“Same might actually have to just drink the night away,” Maia responded with a grin.

“Well, there’s no way I’m third-wheeling so I’m good,” Harrison said as he threw himself towards the plush teal couch that you snagged from a flea market.

For the tiniest second, Tom seemed disappointed but gave a tight-lipped smile. “Oh, maybe we can reschedule our bowling night, then?” He asked. “It’s not as fun to go bowling with just the two people.”

You, Harrison, and Maia all shared a look. You weren’t on board with bowling-night, to begin with, but you didn’t want Tom to feel as if you were avoiding him—which you were but no one needs to know that.

Maia looked at you, waiting for an answer because god knows she will solely depend on her decision based on yours. You don’t even have an answer, to begin with.

“What are you two supposed to do then?” Harrison asked Tom. Thank god for Harrison.

“I might take Nadine to this poetry jam event that she’s been dying to go to” Tom replied with a soft voice.

“A poetry night?” Maia almost wanted to laugh “You don’t even have the slightest interest in literature, Tom.” Maia didn’t mean to offend him or maybe she did? She wasn’t completely fond of Tom ever since you and Tom broke up—well, she wasn’t fond of the idea that Tom was dating her ‘arch nemesis’, but Tom was her friend and so were you.

“I know that, Mai.” Tom rolled his eyes “but Nadine likes it and I’ll do everything to make her happy.” That left a bitter taste in your mouth.

“If you say so,” Maia murmured before she took a quick look at you. She looked like she wants to give you the biggest hug. But you held a stoic look on your face—something that you picked up because you were afraid of confrontation.

“I’m serious,” Tom defended, lost in his feelings, which only irked Maia even more.

“I know, I heard you— we heard you,” Maia replied, her face showing only one emotion: annoyed. “God, read the room,” Maia grumbled to herself. Harrison had to reach for her hand, urging her to calm down.

“I really love her,” Tom whispered. That left a slap in the face.

It was a cold Saturday afternoon and it has been raining almost all day. It was one of the rare weekends that you weren’t really occupied to do anything other than to lay on your couch and consume a copious amount of entertainment.

Despite the spitting rain, you actually want to head out this time. Being confined to your desk and the university was torture especially since you couldn’t do anything about it—the four of you were graduating this year, no one could afford to slack off.

You and Tom were cuddled against the sofa— Tom was busy watching something on TV while you were busy scrolling on your phone.

“Hey, Tom?”

“Yes, my sweet girl?”

“Do you want to go downtown?” You asked, looking at your phone as you read the details of an event happening this weekend.

“Right now?”

“Mhm,” you hummed. “There’s a book fair being held at the local theatre.” You rested your chin on top of his chest and gave him a pout. You were getting sick of being cooped up between your study table and the library. This book fair was a change of scenery and it’s definitely right up your alley.

“But it’s raining, darling” Tom tried to say in the softest way possible. It’s not exactly up in Tom’s interests though.

“I know,” You sighed “I guess I’m just getting sick of this place.”

“You’re getting sick of me?” Tom asked with a huge pout. He was kidding of course.

“I don’t think I’ll ever get sick of you, Tom.” You chuckled softly.

“Okay,” He hummed, pulling you closer to him—if that was even possible. “Then can we stay like this for a while?”

“Anything for you, angel.” You whispered as you closed the details about the local book fair. Maybe next time.

Soon after Tom left, Maia pulled you to her side and asked, “You okay, babe?”

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?” You feigned innocence. It was clear as day that you weren’t okay, your friends knew that.

Knowing that you weren’t going to budge, Maia walked towards the kitchen and brought out a bottle of wine from the fridge.

Harrison raised an eyebrow at her and asked, “When did you manage to put that in the fridge?” All of you had been occupied with grabbing boxes that there was no way that Maia had the time to put wine in the fridge, let alone obtain them from somewhere.

“It was supposed to be a celebratory drink for Y/N’s new place,” Maia replied as she set the wine and three various mugs on the coffee table. “Obviously, that’s not happening now.” Drinking wine using the oddly designed mugs you collected over the years was a cry for help.

“It’s 4 pm, Mai.” You pointed out as you stared at the white LED clock that you bought off Amazon—another impulse purchase enabled from scrolling on Pinterest for way too long. “We haven’t even had lunch yet.”

“Oh please,” Maia snorted “If there’s one thing that I’ve picked up from university, it’s drinking with little to no food consumption.”

“And if there’s one thing that I’ve picked up from university, it’s cancelling all of my plans for the entire day because I have to tend your hungover-self, Mai,” Harrison remarked as he grabbed the bottle and placed it back on the fridge. “I’m ordering food and no one’s drinking until everyone has finished a meal.”

You heard Maia mutter a string of curses but most especially the part that she said, “This is not the version of daddy that I envisioned Harrison to be.”

All of a sudden Maia’s idea of binge drinking doesn’t seem like a bad idea, you thought.

Turns out Harrison had no intention of letting any of you drink. He was pretty adamant about not having to babysit two drunk messes in one night.

“As if babysitting one isn’t enough,” You recalled Harrison say. He was obviously pertaining to Maia, in which she just huffed the entire time. You often wondered if Maia and Harrison noticed the obvious tension between them, because personally you found it endearing. It was no question that they were meant for each other.

“Y/N, you still haven’t told us whatever happened between you and Tom.” Maia suddenly pointed out. You, Maia, and Harrison were still in the living room, silently watching TV.

You were actively avoiding this conversation for the longest time as you haven’t told anyone about it, and based by the curious faces of your friends, you figured that Tom didn’t tell anyone about it either. You’re still not sure whether that’s a relief or not.

“There’s nothing to talk about.” You mumbled. It’s not like you were lying, there really was barely anything to talk about. Heck—You and Tom never got to talk about it properly either.

“We see the way you look at him, Y/N.” Harrison replied softly. “I think there is something.”

“Look—” Maia sat up properly “I know you’re not really vocal about your feelings, but the fact that you’ve never talked nor showed any emotion about your breakup terrifies me, babe.” Maia’s tone was laced with concern.

“I remember the day you told us about it too,” Harrison couldn’t hide his concern too “We were having brunch together at our usual diner and half-way through our meal, you promptly said “We broke up” when Maia asked where Tom was,” Harrison recalled it like it was a fever dream. He and Maia had already expected that you weren’t going to tell them about the breakup when it just happened. However, it baffles them that it’s been over a year since you and Tom broke up, and not one word has been said about it.

It was silent for a while, except for Criminal Minds that was playing on the TV. You blankly stared at the screen, hoping that you’d catch whatever the agents were saying. It was impossible, especially when all your mind could focus on was the recollection of the day Tom knocked on your door at 1 am to breakup.

You were relatively busy that day from volunteer work, so you haven’t seen any of your friends the entire day—or Tom for that matter. Actually, you haven’t seen Tom in a few days. He would send texts periodically throughout the day but they were always short and most of the time, you always forget to reply.

You figured Tom was busy with his own thing and both of you established early on in your relationship that texting—or lack thereof— shouldn’t account to your relationship, especially since both of you are equally bad at it.

You didn’t think any of it since you were bound to see your boyfriend and your friends tomorrow for brunch anyway. He will have your undivided attention by then.

So imagine your surprise when you heard a soft knock from your door at 1 am, only to find Tom in disarray. His eyes were bloodshot red, tears falling down his face. His messy curls were masked under the hood from his jumper.

At first you were in panic, you thought that something terrible had happened to any of your friends—his family even.

But as soon as Tom dropped to his knees and whispered, “I’m sorry,” you had a clear idea what was bound to happen next.

It’s been silent for a while. The door was still open and Tom sat out in the hall with his back leaning against your wall. You did the same thing except you were on the other side of the wall that Tom was leaning on.

You two were close enough to the door frame that you could hear each other, actually facing each other was a whole other thing. Tears kept streaming down your face as you kept your eyes closed and rested your head against the wall.

At some point in your relationship, you prepared yourself in case this happened— that you would accept whatever happens between you and Tom. You didn’t exactly anticipate that it would happen so soon.

“Was there someone else?” You asked quietly. It was the first time you spoke after Tom dropped to his knees. You hoped there wasn’t. In fact, you silently begged to yourself that there wasn’t someone else, because you knew that you couldn’t handle that.

“No, no—of course not.” Tom immediately answers.”I could never do that to you.”

It was silent again. You were starting to feel numb—you tried your best to gather your thoughts and forced words out of your mouth, but you couldn’t.

“Are we not worth fighting anymore?” You practically whispered. It was a gamble— you weren’t exactly sure if Tom had heard it and you don’t have enough strength to ask it again.

“Y/N,” Tom sniffled. “You can’t say that.” He placed his hand on top of yours. You had your hand resting on the floor and you didn’t exactly notice that it served as an invitation for Tom hold it again.

You love Tom with all your heart. He kept dismissing it but Tom made you a better person. He made you feel like love can be expressed through different forms of things—not just words.

You loved him by exclusively making time for him. You went on museum dates where he would make cheesy remarks, saying that you’re the most remarkable piece of art in the entire place. You went on dates to watch football games—you never understood it but Tom was happy, so you were happy.

You loved him through your touch. You would often massage his back because he had been tirelessly working himself to the core. He didn’t ask for it but you knew it would make him feel better. Your touch didn’t have to be intimate—though you expressed it through that way too

You loved him through mindless actions. Almost every time you would stop by at the local cafe to grab yourself some coffee, you would always recite Tom’s favourite order on autopilot.

You loved him through silence. Study dates were gems for you. Even if you didn’t talk for the entirety of it and even if you were the only one who studied for the most part and Tom was just playing on his phone, having Tom beside you was enough.

You loved him so much that it pains you to think that maybe you weren’t enough for him.

“I don’t think I can fight for someone who doesn’t even want to,” You muttered bitterly. “Just answer the question, Tom.”

He didn’t answer. All you could hear were the silent sobs that you two were trying to hold back. At this point, you knew you wouldn’t look at Tom. Your heart wouldn’t take it—it will crush you.

“Are you not happy anymore?” Your voice cracked as you broke into a sob.

“Y/N—“ Tom squeezed your hand even more. You’re going to miss it, but you had to let go.

“Tom, if I’m standing in the way of your happiness then we should end this.” You cleared your throat and pulled your hand away. There’s a ghostly feeling that still lingered from Tom’s touch.

“Please, Y/N, let me explain—“

“It’s okay, Tom.” You whispered. “I understand.”

“You know I love you, Y/N.”

“I love you too, Tom.”

“But—“

“But maybe it’s best if we end it, I know. I got it.” You let out a deep breath, trying to calm yourself down from crying. “Maybe it’s better if we stayed as friends.” Maybe it’s better to realize that whatever you and Tom had were too good to be true—that your love will never compare to the love he deserves.

“Do you want the truth?” You asked your friends, with tears forming in your eyes. You can’t even decipher how they looked at you because of the tears clouding your vision.

Were they looking at you in pity? Empathy? Sadness?

“The truth is—I’m mad.” You gritted the words through your teeth. This was the first time your friends had seen you like this. All of the pent-up sadness, aggression, and hurt you felt was starting to get the best of you.

“I’m angry. I’m hurt.” You snarled, furiously wiping the tears from your face. “I’m angry at the fact that I can’t seem to be genuinely happy for Tom. I’m hurt at the idea he seems to be a better boyfriend for Nadine, that he constantly makes an effort for her.”

“I don’t even know if he even loved me the way that I loved him,” Your voice became quiet “and it’s selfish for me to think that way because I never fought for it—for us. That’s enough reason to keep me up at night.”

That’s enough reason for you to wonder if you’ll be capable of loving someone so deeply again.

PERMANENT TAGLIST:

@quaksonhehe @dark-infernal-instruments @trustfundparker @emsma11 @tomshufflepuff @spider-babe @goodgirlgonetom @tabi-toast

#tom holland #tom holland imagine #tom holland angst #tom holland x you #tom holland x fem #tom holland x reader #tom holland fanfiction #tom holland fluff #tom holland fic #tom holland blurb #tom holland and reader #tom holland and you #tom holland imagines #tom holland x y/n #tom holland au #tom holland and y/n #the girl writes i guess #txmhoellandwrites

329 notes · View notes

k-comfyspace · 3 years

Text

Tune

Star: Handong (Dreamcatcher)

Idea: No

It was always there, yet you never caught it. You continued to listen, the soft sounds calming your mind.

A/n: I hope this came out good

It was a quiet afternoon, the birds were flying in the sky, the busy streets were littered with cars, each making their way through the building traffic. People were taking a walk, enjoying the afternoon that was given to them.

Everything seemed peaceful, to some people.

You were in your apartment, adjusting the glasses on your face as a grunt escaped your lips while you went over your book.

It felt like hours since you started scanning your book, none of the words processing in your head.

"Should I go out and buy something?"

"I wonder what Jeremy would think of this."

"Maybe it’s time I go study."

Shaking your head, you tried your utmost to get rid of the voices in your head. You were preoccupied, the volume of voices growing louder in your head. It was uncomfortable to hear everyone’s thoughts, all their plans in their heads.

You didn’t expect this to be the conclusion of your day. Having had a good start, everything was peaceful earlier, with no voices, no thoughts.

However, this afternoon, it suddenly went from zero to a hundred rapidly. It was as if there was a crowd waiting outside a gate, waiting for it to open, and when it did, they all rushed in all at once.

You tried your best to ignore it for the first few hours, but since then, it hasn’t gotten any better.

When you felt your head pulsing, you were forced to stand up, frustratingly closing your eyes before feeling a gust of wind graze across your body. Upon opening your eyes, you were met with a much more calming scene.

Instead of carpeted floors, white walls, and artificial lights. The scenic view of the ocean greeted you, carpeted floors replaced by vibrant grass, the overlapping voices replaced by the sounds of the waves crashing.

The dull lights were replaced by a more joyful sky, with a tinge of orange across the clouds.

A sigh escaped your lips as you padded near the edge, sitting on the ground, you enjoyed the silence. Away from the endless thoughts, your mind is free due to the void of people.

You were thankful that you found such a place, a small cliff at the edge of the city.

You discovered it once when you had enough of everything, your mind was overwhelmed and all you could resort to was closing your eyes.

Your powers had brought you here, as a last resort, to prevent you from losing your sanity, and possibly hurting someone. It brings peace to your mind, knowing you couldn’t hear a single thought, no more voices.

But even if you tried to avoid it, there was still that dread of having to go back to deal with all the burden of having inherited this trait.

For years, you’ve had these abilities, a power your family has been blessed with.

Generally, people were given more physical powers; the ability to bend the simple elements of matter, the ability to bend space and time, or any sort of ability that could alter the laws of physics. Your family, however, was more skilled at the psychological side of life.

From controlling minds, to reading thoughts, simple hypnotism, or plain communication. It was a gift that was blessed to few, avoiding the backlash that it would bring if given to the wrong people.

Your family was one of the blessed, having been given this ability since the start of your clan, passed down from generation to generation.

For your family, it was easy for them to master the abilities they were given. Having learned easily as they learned to control it, using it when they choose to.

But even through all the years you’ve tried to master it, everything seemed to be against you. It would get overwhelming most of the time, people’s thoughts bleeding into yours, their plans, and the problems that they have. You could feel all of it.

Some would think having that kind of ability is useful, you could do all the things you’ve imagined. In reality, it was a huge disadvantage, because with the stress, fatigue, and your own thoughts, hearing other people’s thoughts wasn't a good combination.

There are times when you don’t know what to do as you lay awake at night, their thoughts haunting you. Not letting you sleep, continuing to float in your head, thought after thought.

You were confused about how your relatives had such an easy time mastering theirs. Your mother had taught you everything that could prove useful, yet none seemed to apply to you.

It frustrated you to no end, there wasn’t a moment that you had for yourself. Because of your powers, you couldn’t find peace. That is, till you found this place.

It was a safe haven.

You couldn’t read anyone’s thoughts, you couldn’t delve deep into their minds, and you couldn’t do anything that could harm them.

As you sat there listening to the ambient sounds, you heard something faint

It was silent, but you distinguished it enough to know that it was someone humming, the rhythm of the song flowing through your ears.

You felt your body relaxing, somewhat enjoying the feeling that the tune was giving you, unbeknownst to the source of the sound. Slowly, the tune started to get closer, growing in volume, you had no qualms with it.

Unlike everything else, it was a slow build-up. The volume grew until it became sustained, not too loud, and not too quiet.

Then, as you continued to enjoy the song, it suddenly stopped. Once again, the silence and ambient sounds were the only things you heard.

Opening your eyes, you turned your body, searching to see if anyone was nearby. A frown formed on your lips when you saw not a single soul, only the grass that swayed in the wind.

Furrowing your eyebrows, you shrugged, turning back to the view that you enjoyed. Watching as the sun descends across the horizon, the bright orange sky relaxes your thoughts.

You stayed there for a while. Leaning back against your arms, enjoying the cool wind until you started to see the stars, it was time to go.

Standing up, you dusted your pants, once again, closing your eyes, you were back in your apartment. There was silence for the first few hours, your mind remained in a relaxed state from your recent location.

It was one of the times you had for yourself. Enjoying the quietness until it would eventually continue through the night. So, with a clear mind, you enjoyed your few hours, going back to the book that you could finally read.

The next day, you were watching television on your couch. Scanning through the channels as you find yourself with nothing to do. You were too lazy to go out, and you didn’t have the energy to stand up to get your book, deciding that you were going to have a lazy day instead.

When you finally settled down to watch a movie, you suddenly felt a sharp pain in your head.

You clutched your head, groaning before hearing everyone all at once. The voices came in, overlapping against each other, it seemed like they were yelling, growing, and growing in volume. You shook your head, trying to see if it would disappear, trying your best to control your powers.

You forced yourself, but the extreme pain in your head was too much to handle. So, as swiftly as you could. You snapped your eyes shut, forcing yourself out of your apartment before feeling the breeze on your skin.

Everything changed from blaring sounds to complete silence. You kept your hands on your head, waiting for the residual noises. Staying in your fetus position, you kept still, flinching to prepare yourself in the event of things going wrong.

When the signs looked positive, you opened your eyes, cautiously uncurling yourself. You sighed upon seeing the blue sea, the sound of the waves calming you.

Puffing out a breath, you lay on your side, legs tucked into your chest, taking deep breaths as you assured yourself.

In the years that you’ve struggled with your abilities, never have you experienced that level of discomfort. To suddenly exceed what you could handle, you felt like fainting, nearly losing your consciousness until you decided to depart.

Because of the silence, your mind started to think, fear developing inside your chest as you contemplated if this was the life you were going to live.

The constant fear, disturbance, and distress you will go through until the day comes that you won’t be able to handle more than you think.

As your mind continued to overthink, you heard a distinct sound. You recognized it, the same tune that came the day before. You didn’t know what it was or who it came from, but it brought you peace.

You could feel your body relax, the thoughts in your head fading away as you focused on nothing but the sweet sounds.

Your eyes unconsciously closed, letting your body go slack, sighing as every negative feeling disappeared like it wasn’t there in the first place.

It went on for a while, the soft song getting closer. However, similar to the day before, the tune disappeared as fast as it had arrived. Opening your eyes, you turned behind you, yet again looking for the source, but it was void of anyone, with no traces or signs.

You furrowed your eyebrows, your powers hunting for any connections, though only coming out with nothing.

Turning back, you gave up your search, looking back at the scenery until the moon had risen high in the sky. With a concluding sigh, you closed your eyes, leaving the peaceful cliff, unbeknownst to the eyes that had their gaze on you when you disappeared.

When you came back to your apartment, you were on your toes. Readying yourself, terrified of what might happen, even if you knew that you still had a few hours of time for yourself, you were afraid.

Things haven’t been going the way they were supposed to be. What could stop this from being any different?

For the rest of the night, you were anxious, your paranoia acting up as you felt like you were going to get jumped every second.

You kept glancing over your shoulder, turning your head every now and again. So when the voices came, it seemed to be on a larger scale than it was supposed to be.

Somehow, you managed to survive the night, falling asleep on the couch, the TV on as you attempted to drown out the voices in your head.

However, the following morning, your anxiety seemed to grow bigger, as you expected everything that could come your way.

However, it got to a point of annoyance, where there wasn't a second you were afraid, and when it was midday, you couldn’t handle it anymore. You marched to your room, got some books before disappearing.

Arriving at the cliff, you sat down with a huff, sighing before you took out your book. You had no way of driving out the voices, and you weren’t going to stick around your apartment if it would only cause problems.

For the next few hours, you entertained yourself with your book. Finally, after a few days of trying, you managed to get into the story, losing yourself as the time passed. It was new, having more time to indulge yourself, but then again, you weren’t going to complain.

Along with the time change, you didn’t seem to notice a familiar tune, beginning as the sun began to set.

You didn’t notice it at first, being distracted by your book, it only became apparent when you noticed your fingers tapping along the book, following the rhythm of the melody.

When you looked away from your book, you were hoping to find the source of the song. But like the other times, when you turned your head to look, there wasn't a single soul.

You tried once again to use your powers, scanning the area for some sort of conscience. After a few minutes, you sighed, turning back to pack your things, turning your back once more before you left.

For the next few days, you find yourself sticking to a routine. From the moment you wake up, you do your chores, run your errands, and buy some food.

When you finished work, you would pack what you needed, closing your apartment as you spent the rest of the afternoon on the cliff. Reading your book, eating snacks, or admiring the view.

It made you happy that there was always something you would look forward to at the end of the day. It could be just eating a snack that you prepared beforehand.

The laughs you would emit due to your books, or the simple relaxation that you would enjoy as you did nothing but watch the sea, and listen to the ambient sounds.

Each one of the days that you would spend on the cliff, there was always one constant thing that made it all perfect.

The soft song that you would hear every sunset fully eases the stress that you have experienced throughout the day. It always started right as the sun began to set, and finished abruptly when the stars started to show.

Never have you looked back to search for it since it always escapes your sight. You merely enjoyed the peaceful song before it ended, and right when it ended, you knew it was time to leave.

Packing your things before you disappeared, a smile on your face as you couldn’t wait for another day.

It was acceptable that you never got to see who was the source of the sweet melody. However, once in a while, your curiosity did ponder about it, oftentimes, becoming the main focus of your afternoons.

Until eventually, you got to, at long last, you were able to meet the person who made all your afternoons the way they were.

You were busy reading a new book, laying back against your arms, your mind focusing on the book. It had already been a few hours since you arrived, having borrowed a new book from the library to read.

It was a book about tigers, which seemed to pique your interest, having gotten it the moment your eyes scanned it.

Although, while you kept reading, you didn’t seem to notice the sun had gone past the surface of the sea, continuing your book as the song had come to an end.

Along with that, you also didn’t take note of another presence that joined you, standing beside your form as they glanced out into the star-littered sky.

The moment you paid attention was when you saw something shift in the corner of your eye.

Raising your head, you were shocked to find that it was already almost dark. The stars twinkling in the sky, more to that, you were surprised to find another presence with you.

A woman is standing beside you. You weren’t able to make out her face, due to her hair framing it. But you could make out the small smile that she had, her hand was interlocked in front of her.

The first few moments were silent, the air slowly getting awkward before she broke the tension,

"I’ve been seeing you here a lot,"

She turned her head toward you and for a short moment, you forgot the ability to speak. Your breath is being taken away as you have never seen anyone more beautiful in your life.

The woman had blonde hair that flowed down her back. Her cute nose, soft eyebrows, and the fluffiest cheeks you have ever seen. The smile that she gave was perfect, giving a calming aura that you naturally relaxed into.

"Uh--I--"

The giggle that left her lips because of your stuttering satisfied you to the point where you needed nothing else. The soft tone of her laugh seemingly brings you a different level of comfort.

"I’m sorry, we haven’t properly met. My name is Handong. What’s yours?"

#girl group imagines #girl group #girl group scenarios #dreamcatcher scenarios #dreamcatcher imagines #dreamcatcher #dreamcatcher handong #handong #handong imagines #handong scenarios

42 notes · View notes

happyreid187 · 4 years

Text

Sharing Space -Spencer Reid x Gn!reader

Description: Broaching the topic of moving in together. AKA the one where reader miscommunicates and Spencer totally panics. Gender neutral Warnings: Anxiety/insecurity. Fluffy tears. Reader and Spence are dumb.

Words: ~1.5 K

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- It had been a painfully long week. Your coworkers were incompetent, your (patients/ clients/ customers) were demanding, and your boss - well, he made them look anything but by comparison. You were beyond exhausted, feeling like you were in survival mode. The last thing you wanted to think about was moving, but the day was sneaking up on you, and you had just over a month until your lease was up. That’s one month to talk to Spencer about what the hell it is you were going to do about that, then to pack, and move, and maybe look for apartments depending on how the aforementioned conversation went. You liked to think you knew him pretty well - he had opened up a lot to you compared to his baseline of complete secrecy and independent processing. But you had no idea how he was going to handle this conversation. You spent nearly all your time together - you split your time pretty evenly between the two apartments, but you were almost always together. Almost is a very important caveat, however. There’s a big difference between constant and usually, and you weren’t sure Spencer was capable of the former, much less ready. There’s a difference between choosing to see someone all the time, and needing to. You didn’t want to suffocate him. Sure, you enjoyed daydreaming about how you would construct your collective space, what it would be like to have even more domestic moments with him. Right now you spent as much time together as possible, but work took so much time from both of you - all you wanted in the world was more pancake mornings, more laying in bed, more showers together - these glorious little intimacies that were the highlights of your life. More sitting across the room reading, more doing dishes together, more grocery shopping - banal, unsexy experiences that would be boring with anyone else, but were delightful with him. You were unequivocally ready to live with him, but you had precisely zero faith in what his reaction to that question would be. Perhaps you were just being insecure - he loved you, and signing a new lease when you already more or less reside in one felt financially and emotionally irresponsible. Yet you had always been the more ready one - you were more accustomed to loving and being loved. You knew you loved him for months before he finally said it. It took him a while to get used to you, to affection, to trust. Spencer had come a long way but it wasn’t enough for you to confidently ask to move in with him. Regardless of your apprehension, in order to avoid being homeless, you were going to have to come up with some sort of plan. “Hey baby,” he draws you in as you walk through the door of his apartment. Home. It had been a week since he left for a case, and you had missed him to an embarrassing degree. He smelled so cozy. Looking at his face felt both familiar and magical in a way that should be totally antithetical, but wasn’t. “Hey,” you replied quietly, smushed against his shoulder, trying to subtly take in his scent without seeming like a total creep. “How was work?” you asked quietly, still through the fabric. “It was... an absolutely horrific parade of human suffering.” he replied “Wow! That’s a little harsh...” you giggled, “but also same.” “I’m so happy to be home with you,” he sighed against your hair, and in yet another paradox of the day, you managed to feel two totally opposite things at once. You felt your heart rise at his words and your stomach fall - elation and anxiety together in your chest. “Yeahhh about that...” you stepped back. Spencer looked acutely distressed. “What? What’s wrong? D-Did something happen when I was gone? Did I - did you um... y/n...” he gasped your name in a total panic. “No nothing’s wrong, it’s fine - jesus, this is such a shitty start to what could be a very different conversation.” He looked slightly guilty for a second, feeling like he had ruined everything, but then his hatred of surprises took over, and his eyes narrowed at you suspiciously. You could feel the nervousness radiating off of him, but you could also feel slight annoyance. “What? What’s happening?!” “I - nothing! Relax, Spence, everything is oka-“ he didn’t let you finished, jumping in with “Are you breaking up with me?” a faint mist welling in his eyes. How did he draw that conclusion? He had listened to your first three words and ignored every reassurance after it. What a dumb, smart boy. “Spencer, what?? NO! Of course not,” you rushed towards him, pulling him into your arms and kissing his cheeks. “Why would you even ask me that?” you squeeled in a high pitch, borderline sing songy baby voice trying to stop him from crying. Tears can be healthy and all, but this is not how you wanted this conversation to go, and you wanted to shift back on course immediately. “Baby no - it’s the opposite - I....” the nervousness was upon you again. In his panicked state, he was not having that. “Y/n, whatever it is, you have to tell me right now because I - I can’t” he was successfully holding back the tears but only just. “I’m not trying to keep you in suspense I’m just nervous! Slow. Down.” He nodded at you, drawing in a shaky breath. “My lease... is up... next month.” “What? Yeah, I know.” he responded, looking totally dumbfounded that you would assume he didn’t. You were about to ask how the hell he knew that, but you could already guess the answer “You mentioned something about the time you moved in once 10 months ago in passing and I knew it was a year long lease and blah blah I’m perfect and I listen to and remember everything you ever say....” Yeah, something along those lines. “So I - I don’t know what you want to do. I can look for apartments, or - “ You paused and offered up your hands in a sort of shrug, post prayer movement. “What?” he asked for what felt like the thousandth time that day. Blinking quickly, he continued, voice confused and still panicked “Why? Why would you do that?” You uselessly shrugged your awkward hands. “I don’t know! You’re a person who wants your space. I wasn’t sure if you would want me here.” You watched his body relax, literally sinking into himself. He put his hands over his face, chuckling and wiping what tears were left by his eyes. He stepped closer to you, and with a sly grin and a cocked eyebrow and asked “Is this your incredibly messed up way of asking to move in with me?” “I - yes! Yeah, I want to move in with you.” You laughed. “I knew this would be a stressful conversation but you really took it to a different level.” he shook his head at your words. “It didn’t need to be stressful,” he pulled you in for a deep kiss. “How could you think I would say anything but yes? Of course I want to live with you. I basically already do.” he was smiling his wide smile now - the one that lit up his whole face, that you saw too rarely but that totally dissolved every worry in the world. You still felt the worries needed to be mentioned, saying “You didn’t even let me get the words out before you were worrying about a breakup? You know - or you have some idea of - how much I love you. I would never, ever break up with you. How did your brain get there that quickly?” “Well, I guess I still think our life together is too good to be true, but I’m working on that. You stared into his eyes, and whispered against his lips “I’m here.” and kissed him “I’m not going anywhere.” “I know. It’s mostly just...” he pouted. “It’s just that you’ve never not been happy to see me before.” You couldn’t take his mostly fake pouting face seriously, so you leaned into his ear to hide your smile. “I was happy to see you genius, I just had something to ask you.”

198 notes · View notes

fantastic-bby · 3 years

Text

One In A Million

Pairing: (F)Reader x Changbin ( ft housemates Felix and Jisung)

Word count: 14.7k

Summary: In a world where magical creatures exist simultaneously with humans, Changbin, a marine biology student, knows that merfolk have been pushed to extinction by humans years before. However, while he’s at his regular smoking spot at the beach, he notices a figure watching him from the water...

Warnings: Cigarette use (Changbin) | Mentions of marijuana usage | Changbin almost drowns

A/n: I may have gotten carried away ahaaaa... This is actually the longest fic I’ve ever written (it almost became longer) and I’m really happy with how it turned out so hopefully you guys enjoy it too owo

Masterlist

Changbin thinks he’s gone mad. He stares at the water in so much disbelief that he’s sure he’s gone mad. Looking down at the cigarette in his hand, he’s thinking that Felix has definitely laced it with something. If he wasn’t high, then why did he just see a person disappear into the water from the beach he’s standing at?!

“Fucking Felix,” he curses as he pulls his phone out of his pocket.

Binnie: Did you put something in my cigarettes? [03:54]

Lixie the weedie: No??? Why would I touch your cigs? [03:55]

He lets out another curse as he shoves his phone back into his pocket. When Changbin sees the head poke out from underneath the ocean’s surface, he’s slightly more convinced that it’s an actual person and not some drug that’s messing with his head. He looks around the beach—it’s empty other than him. It’s normal for the beach to be empty around this time. Changbin’s only out there every night because he wants to smoke and his housemate—Jisung—refuses to let anyone smoke cigarettes in the house. Jisung’s a funny guy. He would gladly take Felix’s joints and edibles, but he refuses to be a victim of secondhand smoking because of Changbin.

Changbin’s phone buzzes twice in his pocket and he pulls it out once again.

Sungie: Come back inside D:< You’re gonna catch a cold if you’re out there any longer [04:00]

Binnie The cigs keep me warm [04:00]

He awaits Jisung’s next response to see the message being read. The chat bubble pops up, bouncing a few times to signal that he’s typing back only for it to disappear. Changbin looks back out into the ocean only to realise that whoever was watching him is gone. He sighs, wondering what kind of a person would be in the water during winter with how the temperatures drop way below freezing.

Sungie: I’m locking the door if you don’t come back in 5 minutes [04:03]

Binnie: Fuck you [04:03]

Sungie: Attached image (1)

Of course he sends a love meme back. Changbin rolls his eyes, a smile tugging at his lips. Jisung means well, he just shows his affection in a slightly more aggressive and dry manner than Changbin would.

Binnie: I’ve accepted the love meme and I will be returning shortly <3 [04:05]

He gives the ocean one last look before turning around and heading towards the neighbourhood, putting his cigarette out in the process of walking. Changbin’s body shivers a few minutes into the 8 minute walk. Without the smoke warming his lungs and body, it’s just cold now. He knows he needs to stop and the constant excuses that he’s come up with to stay attached to those cancer sticks make Jisung want to punch him in the face. One of those excuses is being warm in the winter, which again, makes Jisung want to punch him.

“I’m back,” Changbin announces as he steps into the small house and kicks his shoes off. Jisung pops his head out from the living room to look at him.

“Lix and I are playing Super Smash Bros., do you wanna join?”

“Uhh, I’ll pass,” he shakes his head as he steps into the living room to see Felix sitting on the couch. His Nintendo Switch is plugged into the TV, the baby pink controller in his hand while the other baby blue one is with Jisung. "Don't you have class in the morning?"

"Our professor cancelled," he replies with a shrug as Jisung starts another round of the game. "I only have classes after lunch, so I'm not too worried about it."

“Still,” Changbin chuckles. Unlike Changbin, Felix and Jisung somehow have more filled schedules than he does despite how they’re only first years and Changbin’s already in his third year. They’re always saying they have work they need to do when they’re doing pretty much anything else but their assignments.

“Why did you ask about your cigs?” Felix looks away from the screen for a split second to glance at Changbin.

The older man sucks a breath in through his teeth as he contemplates it. Felix and Jisung would definitely call him crazy, but they’ve lived with each other for the past four years, so it’s not like there’s any secrets between the three. “I thought I saw someone in the water for a moment, but then they disappeared.”

“In this temperature?” Jisung snorts. “You’d have to be crazy to take a dip in the ocean during winter.” Even though his attention is solely on the game, he takes a few glances towards his housemate when he realises that Changbin seems way more spaced out than usual. “You alright, hyung?”

“Yeah,” Changbin nods quickly. “I just feel like that person may have not been… a human.” He doesn’t really know how the thought even came to him. It just popped out of nowhere when he swears that he saw a tailfin following after the person.

“What?” Felix pauses the game and turns to look at him, earning a whine from Jisung. “What else could they have been?” Now Changbin really thinks he’s gone mad. He knows that if he actually spoke his thoughts, then Jisung and Felix would probably end up laughing at him.

“I don’t know, man, I just feel like it could’ve been something else,” he shrugs, “like a mermaid or something.”

“Merfolk went extinct years ago, hyung,” Jisung states, emphasizing on ‘years’, as he nudges Felix’s shoulder and unpauses the game. “Humans pushed the merfolk to extinction even before we were born. That includes sirens.”

“Yeah, but you know how sometimes scientists declare a species extinct but it turns out they were just hiding somewhere else.”

Felix and Jisung both pause the game once again before turning to look at their older housemate. “No way,” Felix shakes his head.

“They’d have to have been really good at hiding or else the humans would’ve found them by now,” Jisung nods.

“You think maybe the joint I gave you a few hours ago still has its effects on you?” he teases as he jabs Changbin’s bicep with his finger. In response, he yelps and swats at Felix’s hand until he leaves him alone.

“I’m telling you, I know what I saw,” Changbin grumbles. “There was a fin following after them.”

“It was probably another creature,” Jisung guesses as he turns back to the TV. “You know how water sprites can get too. Maybe it was one of them playing tricks on you.”

“Water sprites don’t take the forms of other water creatures,” he states matter-of-factly.

“Alright, Mr ‘I study magical creatures’,” he rolls his eyes. “Don’t think too much about it. It could’ve been something else.”

“I don’t study magical creatures, I study the ocean’s ecosystem, asshole,” Changbin nags and reaches over Felix to punch Jisung’s arm. The younger man lets out an exaggerated howl of pain as he writhes around.

“Felix, hyung is bullying me!” he whines.

“Sounds like a you problem,” Felix snorts just as he manages to knock out Jisung’s character. “I win!” He shoots up from the couch with his arms up in the air, “I won because you’re too busy teasing Changbin hyung!” Jisung lets out an even louder whine.

“That’s unfair! We have to play again! Let’s play another round!”

“It’s not unfair! I won!” Changbin crosses his arms over his chest, amused as he watches the younger men argue about whether or not they should play another game. They annoy him, sure, but Changbin’s harboured a soft spot for his housemates. As much as Felix makes him want to throw him out of the window and how Jisung makes him want to lock him in his own room, Changbin would do anything to keep them safe and happy. The feeling’s mutual across the three of them.

Jisung, the designated demon of the house, once broke into Felix’s crazy ex-girlfriend's house and stole his hoodie back for him only to have objects thrown at him by her. Felix, the house mum, once almost lit a car on fire to try and save Jisung from being beat up by a gang of hooligans. Changbin, on the other hand, pays the most in rent and likes to use it against his two younger friends—he would prefer to call them his brothers. A happy family that the three of them decided to build together when they had started college.

Changbin finds himself at the beach at the same time a few days later, cigarette held between his index and his middle finger. He’s come to terms that there’s no way it was a mermaid—he studies them, of course he would know what a mermaid looks like even in the dark. However, tonight, he finds himself sitting on one of the rockier areas of the coast, sitting cross-legged on the almost frozen stone and looking out at the ocean as he smokes his problems away.

He’s lucky that the three of them are able to afford a small house nearer to the ocean or else he would’ve been more stressed out. Being near the ocean as a student who studies marine ecosystems means that it’s easier for Changbin to do research without having to travel so far away to get to the water.

As he looks out, he sees it again. Changbin almost falls off of the rocks and into the water when he sees what looks like a person sticking their head out of the water, eyes watching him intently. He sits upright, leaning closer to get a better look only to watch them dive back into the water. That’s when he sees it.

A tailfin.

“No fucking way," Changbin gasps as he crawls closer to the edge of the rocks. The waves move gently, the darkness and the movement obstructing any kind of view he would have into the water. His hand holds himself up as he slowly gets closer and closer towards the water when the head re-emerges, right in front of his face. Changbin loses his balance out of shock, his hand slipping against the rock and his body rolling off of the edge until he's enveloped in cold.

Freezing cold.

He panics.

Changbin can't breathe. He feels the salt water gushing into his lungs and all he feels is pain. His throat burns, his eyes sting, his lungs hurt. Black spots start to fill his vision while his limbs frantically try to push himself up towards the water's surface, but it's too cold for his limbs to even move properly. He'll drown if he doesn't get out and if it isn't the water that kills him, then the hypothermia definitely will. The more he panics, the more frantic his arms become, but it’s not like Changbin’s actually able to control himself since the only thought in his mind is swim to the surface.

Arms wrap around Changbin's torso when he feels his body starting to give up but it's too dark for him to see as they pull him into a darker area. He's shoved out of the water and onto stone, his lungs painfully coughing out all the water out as he heaves to catch his breath. He looks around the area once he's more composed, only now noticing that he's in what looks like a cave. Changbin's eyes stop at a pair of eyes peeking out from right above the water's surface, staring at him.

"Y-You…" Changbin trails when he realises how cold it is, his arms moving to wrap around himself in a feeble attempt to keep himself warm. The head further emerges, tilting curiously and watching him. Changbin manages to push out a gasp despite his shivers, her skin is patched with tinges of blue and green, scales crawling up the side of her face. Her pupils were shaped like slits, almost cat-like. "You're… a m-mermaid." Her head tilts curiously as she lowers into the water momentarily. She lifts herself out of the water further to take a closer look at Changbin. “Do you not understand me?” he questions. The mermaid blinks a few times, her pupils dilating when she sees the way Changbin hugs his soaked jacket tighter around himself. She slips underneath the water despite the human’s protests. “F-Fuck,” he curses as he realises how much shit he’s in. Not only does his throat hurt like hell now, but he knows that if he doesn’t get out of the cave or find a way to find warmth, he’ll freeze to death.

A few moments pass before the mermaid pops back out with a plastic zip lock bag in her hands. She puts it onto the ground and pushes it towards him. Changbin looks between her and the plastic bag before taking it, ripping it open to see a perfectly dry winter coat. He turns back to look at the mermaid who’s returned to hiding half of her face underneath the water and only her eyes watching him. Changbin immediately changes out of his wet clothes and slips himself into the coat, closing his eyes as he lets out a sigh of relief when he feels his body slowly starting to warm up. When his eyes open, Changbin notices the mermaid still watching him, her webbed hands holding onto the edge of the cave to keep herself afloat.

“I thought mermaids were supposed to speak human languages,” he thinks out loud. Once again, her head tilts curiously. “Since you guys were said to be extinct, then I don’t think it’s a surprise that you don’t understand me.” Changbin hugs himself tighter as he looks around the cave, the mermaid watching him and looking around as well. How is he supposed to get home? The only creature that knows where he is doesn’t even understand what he’s saying!

“Mermaid,” he calls out, the creature immediately perking up at the sound of his voice. “Wait, do you understand me?” The way she simply stares at him makes Changbin realise that she just reacted because she heard him talk. He stuffs his hand into the wet pocket of his jeans, pulling out his phone. Changbin presses the home button and watches as the screen flickers before turning white and shutting down right after. He sits awkwardly as he thinks about what to do next. He lifts his head, making eye contact with the mermaid—who’s been watching him this whole time—and knows that she’s the only way he can get home.

“I-I need to get home, mermaid.” Once again, she tilts her head as she tries to process what she’s saying. Changbin bits his lip as he looks around the cave, trying to figure out a way to get her to understand. “Home,” he says as he lifts up three rocks, building a really crappy fort. “I need to get back to where I live.” The mermaid watches his hands, her mind trying it’s best to figure out what he’s showing her. Changbin sighs when she shakes her head. He lifts his hands over his heads to try and signal a roof, “my house.” The mermaid blinks a few times before diving back underwater, leaving the human to dwell with his own thoughts and company while trying to figure out how to at least get back to shore.

A few minutes pass and Changbin decides that he might as well explore the cave. He doesn’t even know if the mermaid will return anytime soon, so he stands up and looks around. There’s little light that shines into the cave and it’s only because of a few large cracks that scatter the cave walls, but it’s enough to help him barely navigate through the area. Rock formations jut out from the sides and Changbin’s careful to try not to bump into them, his biggest fear being accidentally stabbing himself with a rock formation if he’s careless. He follows the inside of the cave only to realise that he’s trapped. The only way out is to jump into the small body of water right in front of him. Changbin stares at the pool, panic starting to creep throughout him when he realises that this cave is most likely underwater when the tide rises.

A glow emits from underneath the water’s surface and it makes Changbin’s face contort in confusion as he watches the way it moves around. It gets closer to the surface before the mermaid re-emerges, obviously watching him in confusion since he’s not in the same place as before, but a water sprite is sitting on her shoulder this time.

“The mermaid tells me that you’re stuck,” the sprite claims as he flies off of the mermaid’s shoulder and moves closer to look at Changbin. The dark blue sprite is small—very small. He’s probably only the size of Changbin’s finger, small blue wings holding him up in the air as he hovers around the human’s head. “How did you even end up here?”

“I-I saw the mermaid, but I thought they were extinct and I fell in,” Changbin admits softly. The sprite turns around to look at the mermaid who watches from the water. He mutters something in a language that Changbin can’t understand and the mermaid responds in the same language. The sprite snaps back at her and she scowls as she lowers herself into the water.

“I can cast a spell on you that would keep you alive while we bring you back to the beach, but you can’t tell anyone about her,” the sprite sighs as he turns to face Changbin. “Mermaids went into hiding for a reason and I don’t want some clumsy human to be the reason that their numbers go down again. I’m Hyunjin by the way.” Hyunjin climbs up his hair and stands right on top of his head, “I’ll give you an air bubble so you’ll stay dry too.”

“Thanks…?” Changbin trails off as he watches a translucent bubble wrap around him, suddenly very aware of how quiet it is inside of the spell. “Woah,” he gasps when he hears his voice bouncing back to him.

“Yeah, there’s a lot of echo in this bubble and you’ll still feel cold, but it’ll help you get home,” he mumbles. “Walk towards where (Y/n) is.”

“(Y/n)?”

“The mermaid.” The tiny creature stays on Changbin’s head as he walks towards the pool. “She’s too nice to humans for her own good. I told her a billion times to not interact with them, but she still goes ahead and saves you.” Ouch. Changbin makes a mental note that Hyunjin’s a bit of a dick, but he knows that if he says anything now, the sprite might just leave him in the cave to die.

Honestly, Changbin doesn’t really blame Hyunjin for not liking humans. His species has unfortunately had a very bad history with the other creatures that live in the same world as them. Where humans had dominated the entire world, forcing every other creature into a form of either submission or alliance, merfolk were only deemed extinct presumably due to the insane water pollution. The other creatures don’t exactly like the humans either. Even without any sort of magic, humans had still managed to force every species to live simultaneously despite destroying everything else.

“(Y/n) has to push you back to the beach,” Hyunjin speaks up as Changbin slowly climbs into the water. “I’ll dry your clothes and get your phone working once we’re there, but only if you promise not to tell anyone about her.” The human notes how the bubble’s temperature slowly starts to drop. Changbin would probably succumb to the cold of the water if he wasn’t wearing the coat.

“So, the merfolk still exist?” Changbin questions once he’s completely submerged in the water. It’s a strange feeling to be floating so effortlessly despite being able to feel the force of the waves and the water moving around him. Once in the water, he has a slightly better view of the mermaid swimming closer to him. Unfortunately, he’s only barely able to make out the colour of her scales with how dark it is underwater. Her turquoise tail is long, lighter blue scales scattering her body and fading into a more human-like tone as they her torso. Her ‘hair’ is just as it’s described in theory in Changbin’s classes; it’s just an added fin that grows out and only appears like it’s hair. He wonders whether it’s as soft as scientists had described it to be.

“Yes, they still exist,” Hyunjin nods before muttering something to (Y/n). The mermaid nods, moving closer to rest her hands against the bubble and starts to push it through the water. “Merfolk got so scared for their existence that they decided to ‘go extinct’ to protect themselves. Humans were pushing them beyond their limits as a living, feeling species.”

“Well yeah, humans are greedy,” he sighs. “What about the other creatures?”

“Dragons don’t really care since they can eat you guys in seconds. Most pegasi stay in their own dimension unless they’re needed here; that’s why you don’t see them as much anymore. Kobolds stay hidden in ships, werewolves stay in the mountains and vampires build their own mansions away from human civilisations. Most of the creatures that can travel to their own world try to stay away from your world for the sake of their own safety.”

“Have we really pushed you guys that far?” Changbin turns to his shoulder when he feels Hyunjin move off of his head.

“Unfortunately, yes,” the sprite nods. “Soon, your world will be rid of magical creatures because they’ve run away and we’ll go to becoming nothing but myths for your future generations.” He turns around to mutter something to (Y/n) as they approach the beach. “Start walking. We can’t risk (Y/n) being seen. At least if they see me on your shoulder, they’ll think I’m the only one helping you.” Changbin does as Hyunjin says, starting to walk just as the bubble hits the inclining ground underneath the water and moving towards where the waves hit the beach. He turns around for a moment giving a wave towards the mermaid who returns it with a small smile on her face.

“Thanks, Hyunjin,” Changbin says as he's back on the beach and the sprite hovers right in front of him. “I won’t tell anyone about this.”

“You better,” he clicks his tongue in annoyance. “I knew it was a bad idea for her to linger in shallow waters.” Hyunjin does as he promises, using his magic to dry up Changbin’s clothes as well as getting his phone back to working order. “Be more careful next time. You humans are always so reckless when it comes to your life.”

“I was just curious,” he shrugs in response, watching his phone start up.

“Too curious for your own good.” Changbin ignores the comment. His eyes widen when he sees the messages spamming his phone from Jisung and Felix.

“Shit,” he curses softly as he quickly replies to the both of them.

“Head on home before your friends worry,” Hyunjin says when he hears the spammed sound of the notification. Changbin sticks his phone back into his pocket before looking back at the sprite.

“Again, thank you. I’ll try not to fall into the water next time.”

“In the chance that it ever happens again, just call out for me. I’ll be able to hear you,” he gives the human a smile and Changbin thinks that he may not be as cold as he would like to show. “But if you fall too many times, I might consider just leaving you there,” Hyunjin snickers right after.

“Okay, now you’re just being an ass,” he scoffs with a smile on his face. “I’ll be more careful next time, I promise.”

Changbin wakes to the sound of his alarm beeping from the other side of his room, something he does to force him to get out of bed. He lets out a whiney groan as he rolls over, willing himself to ignore it until the alarm snoozes. Jisung, however, refuses to allow that.

The bedroom door swings open to a very disgruntled looking Jisung who marches over to Changbin’s bed and whacks him with a pillow, “It’s a fucking Sunday, turn the damn thing off.”

“You’re already here—you do it,” he yawns. Jisung’s face twinges with annoyance as he whacks Changbin another time. “God—I. Ah!” Changbin yells, thrashing around his bed before sitting up to see the younger still staring at him. “I’ll turn it off! You can leave!”

“I also wanted to let you know that Felix’s already up and making breakfast,” he mumbles, standing at the edge of his bed like a Sims character.

“Give me twenty minutes,” he grumbles and lays back down.

“If you’re not out by then, I’m eating your portion,” Jisung giggles mischievously as he scrambles out of his room.

“Fuck you,” Changbin groans as he kicks the cushion by his foot and sends it flying in Jisung’s direction, only for it to hit the door just as he closes it. Changbin rolls over in his bed, too lazy to actually go ahead and turn the alarm off and instead opts for just letting it snooze on it’s own. He stays in bed for a little longer before dragging himself out and to his desk across the room where his phone is. He doesn’t remember setting an alarm for the weekends, so Changbin assumes that he must’ve accidentally turned on one of the weekend alarms without realising it.

Making sure to turn the alarm off, Changbin sighs as he looks through his notifications to make sure he hasn’t received anything important overnight. Once certain that there’s nothing important, he moves to taking a shower and putting on the black hoodie he wears everyday along with his jeans before stepping out of his room and making his way towards the dining room where Felix and Jisung are.

“You took twenty-one minutes,” Jisung giggles, “means I get your serving of waffles.” Just as he’s about to reach for the waffle-filled plate, Felix swats at his hand with the silicone spatula.

“Those are for Changbin hyung, you dick,” he scolds, earning a whine and a pout from the hungry boy.

“Thanks, Felix,” Changbin hums as he sits down and pulls the plate towards him. “Do you guys have anything important today?”

“It’s Sunday,” Felix shakes his head, “I’ve finished all my assignments for this week, so I’m probably just going to head back to bed after breakfast.”

“Same for me,” Jisung hums with a mouthful of food. “I have an assignment due Tuesday, but that’s for something future Sungie has to handle.”

“I’ll do it for you,” he offers and sits himself down, digging into his own plate of waffles.

Changbin scoffs at that, “stop doing Jisung’s assignments for him. He should be paying you.”

“He does pay me,” Felix corrects him, “he gives me five dollars for every two hundred words that I write.”

“I really shouldn’t be condoning this behaviour,” he sighs before turning to Jisung. “Damn it, Ji, cut Felix some slack!”

“I don’t ask him to do it, he offers and I just pay him afterwards,” Jisung shrugs as he takes another bite of his waffle. “Don’t worry about it, the university won’t know.”

“You know, that’s not the point, but I doubt that I can stop you…” Changbin trails off. He feels like he should be at least a bit more strict with his friends, but he also knows that Jisung really couldn’t give two shits about his academics. He just happened to luck out when he met Felix; a weed dealer who doesn’t even have to try to write papers worth distinctions. Jisung’s less book smart than he is street smart. He spends his time making friends with not-so-nice people that actually offer more convenience to him than they do company. As much as they have very questionable morals, they’re loyal to Jisung only because he sells them Felix’s edibles at a good price.

Changbin, on the other hand, is in between the two of them. He doesn’t have a 4.0 GPA like Felix does and even though he’s more extroverted than Jisung is, he prefers not to go around and make friends with dangerous people. Changbin’s just… Changbin. He’s turning twenty-four soon, he’s in his final year of university and he’s spent his entire academic life getting slightly higher than average grades and as extroverted as he is, Changbin prefers sticking to his small group of friends. He’s able to blend into groups and make friends easily, but Felix and Jisung are the only friends that he’s actually willingly kept around for more than two years.

“Hyung, if you want me to do your assignments, I’ll do them,” Felix offers, “no charge.”

“Uhh, I’ll pass,” Changbin shakes his head. “I’m pretty sure it’ll be suspicious because my grades would jump from merits to distinctions overnight.”

“Ah, I can dumb them down for you, I don’t mind.”

“Felix, you’re not doing my assignments.”

“Felix writes great essays, though!” Jisung pipes up.

“Ji, you should really be doing your own assignments, man,” Changbin sighs.

“I do do my assignments,” he huffs, “I just need the extra help sometimes.”

“I don’t mind either way—it’s better than watching you guys fail,” Felix shrugs. Changbin can’t stop the smile that makes its way on his face when he sees Jisung trying to steal some of Felix’s food. “No, dude, fuck off,” Felix grumbles as he swats his hand away.

“I just want a little more,” Jisung gives him a toothy grin as he stabs his fork into the waffle.

“Jisung! Fuck off! This is mine!” Felix slaps his hand away, but it doesn’t stop Jisung who continues to try and steal his food. Changbin breathes out a laugh as he watches them fight, wondering whether or not he needs to get involved before deciding that it’s too early in the morning for him to do anything.

Changbin stands on the shoreline, cigarette between his fingers as he looks out at the ocean. Only this time, he’s looking for the mermaid. Maybe he’s foolish for thinking that she’d return after the whole incident and Hyunjin—most likely scolding her for letting a human see her—having to save him, but Changbin wants to know more about her species. Even if he can’t communicate with her, maybe he’d be able to get a better look at her tail… which is kinda creepy. Changbin’s being creepy.

He groans when he realises how weird he seems, taking a huff from his cig and letting his chest fill with warmth, but he almost chokes when he sees the familiar figure watching him from the distance, head poking out of the water. It’s the mermaid!

And Hyunjin

Changbin feels himself shrinking when he sees the water sprite flying towards him, stopping right in front of his face with his hands on his hips. “Back at the beach again?” Hyunjin raises an eyebrow. Changbin’s about to answer when the sprite starts sniffing the air, his gaze moving down to look at the cigarette in his hand. “Oh.”

“What ‘oh’?”

“Is that why (Y/n) says you’re here all the time?” he questions as he turns back up.

“Uhhh, yeah,” Changbin nods. Hyunjin clicks his tongue repeatedly as he shakes his head.

“That’s unhealthy.”

“Yeah I know,” he rolls his eyes.

“It’s not good for the environment either,” Hyunjin adds as he moves to sit on his shoulder. “People just leave them lying around everywhere and sprites are usually the ones who clean them up because it’s gross.”

“I actually throw them away properly, so the littering isn’t something you have to worry about,” Changbin mutters as he takes a drag. “I’ve been trying to stop for a while, cut me some slack.”

Hyunjin gives him a look but decides against pressing him further about it and instead changes the subject, “(Y/n) wouldn’t stop bugging me about coming back to the beach. She said she wants to talk to you.”

“What?” His head turns to look at the sprite who shrugs.

“She’s never interacted with a human before—she’s curious.” Hyunjin keeps his eyes on (Y/n)’s figure in the distance. “You remember the rocky part of the coast you were on before you fell off? (Y/n) wants you to move there so that she can get closer to you.” Changbin’s surprised. He would’ve expected her to at least be scared instead of curious, but he obliges and makes his way towards the rocks, climbing onto the cold, damp stone and carefully making his way towards the edge. He sits right on the edge just as (Y/n)’s head pops out of the water. “Say hello.”

“Uhm, hi,” Changbin waves at her. She smiles as she returns the wave, webbed hand raising out of the water shyly.

“I’m gonna start saying this from her point-of-view,” the sprite tells Changbin as he turns to him before turning to (Y/n) and saying something to her. She nods immediately, speaking in her language.

“I was so worried when you fell into the water. I heard that humans can’t handle this kind of cold like the other creatures can.”

“Ah,” Changbin laughs awkwardly. “I was just trying to get a closer look at you since I thought that merfolk were extinct.” (Y/n) looks at Hyunjin as he speaks and she smiles, making the human feel less sheepish.

“Then I’ll assume that I’m the first mermaid you’ve ever seen.”

“That’s right,” he nods. “I’ve always been interested in merfolk and the ocean in general.”

“Ahh, then maybe one day I can take you into the ocean when it’s not so cold and I can properly show you my tail!” Changbin blushes at that. (Y/n)’s smiling brightly at him with her hands clasped together.

“I think she’s as interested in humans as you are with merfolk,” Hyunjin chuckles when he sees how excited she looks. “You should tell her about what it’s like to walk around with legs. She thinks that’s fascinating.”

“Legs?” he turns to Hyunjin in confusion. How would Changbin be able to explain what legs are like? He’s never had to think about how his muscles function before. “I don’t know how else to explain that and I wouldn’t think that (Y/n) would be able to explain how swimming with a tail would feel like either.”

“Wait…” the sprite trails off before realising how awkward that would be. “Yeah, never mind.”

“What’s that thing you put in your mouth every night?” Changbin turns away from Hyunjin to look at (Y/n) who’s looking at him with bright eyes holding wonder.

“Oh, uhh, it’s a cigarette,” his hand moves to rub the back of his neck awkwardly. “I-I doubt that merfolk could actually really understand what it is, but it makes my stress lighter.”

“How can that tiny stick do that?”

Changbin pauses before he lets out a deep sigh and shrugs, “it’s…”

“Magic,” Hyunjin blurts out. “I’ll just tell her it’s magic. She won’t understand what drugs are.”

“Do merfolk not have some form of drugs?” Changbin asks.

“They do,” he nods, “but they think it’s magic. Don’t tell them that pufferfish are venomous—they’re going to tell you they’re magical and just make them high,” Hyunjin snickers.

“I didn’t realise humans have magical abilities.”

“Humans have… some,” he hums.

“Keep in mind that you can use the ‘magic’ card any time you don’t know how to explain something to her,” Hyunjin whispers in his ear as though (Y/n) can understand him.

“Well, some of it is magic and some of it we just find convenience from what the Earth offers us,” Changbin continues. (Y/n) lets out a hum, her figure lowering into the water to keep the gills on her neck under the waves before she comes back up slightly.

“Hyunjin keeps telling me that humans are dangerous, but I don’t think you’re that dangerous.” The human turns to the sprite who looks at (Y/n) with narrowed eyes as he translates her words.

“Well,” Changbin adjusts himself into a more comfortable position, his legs crossing underneath him, “it’s like humans saying sharks are dangerous. It’s a cautionary thing rather than a general thing. Humans just don’t care much for the Earth.”

“Is that why there’s so much of your plastic in the ocean?” Changbin nods, a heavy sigh leaving past his lips. “Those bags have killed more of the creatures in my ocean than any human actually has.”

“We know,” his lips purse into a straight line. “The only people that seem to care aren’t in actual positions of power to change that, so…”

“That’s stupid,” (Y/n) huffs as she crosses her arms across her chest. Changbin’s eyes widen and he moves back in shock when he realises that he understood her.

“I got tired of translating, so you guys get put under a spell that lets you both understand each other,” Hyunjin lets out a sigh as he moves to sit on the rocks beside Changbin, his arms holding him up as he smiles.

“Y-Yeah, it is,” Changbin chuckles nervously. With Hyunjin resting by his side, Changbin feels more at ease with talking to (Y/n). He doesn’t feel so weird about it since the water sprite was literally translating what he was saying to the mermaid, making Changbin feel a bit more comfortable with the situation.

“Tell me more about humans.”

“What else is there to tell?” he tilts his head questioningly.

“Could I touch your hand? I’ve never felt human skin before,” (Y/n)’s hand slowly nudges out of the water as she asks him and Changbin honestly feels like her sentence could’ve easily come out of a serial killer.

“S-Sure,” he glances over at Hyunjin who shrugs in response. The human carefully moves to lay on his stomach as he holds his hand out towards the water where (Y/n) gently reaches out as well. The water isn’t too far away from the rock, making it easier for Changbin to actually allow the mermaid to hold onto his hand.

Immediately when her webbed hands touch his, she gasps, “your hands are so rough!” Her hands gently hold onto his individual fingers, pulling them away from each other and just examining it. Changbin’s lips purse together again as he just lets her do whatever she wants. “Oh, these must be fingernails,” (Y/n) mutters to herself as she lets her own fingers gently graze over his nails. Her hands are pretty much as soft as human’s skin, but Changbin would think that they feel way softer and more like what fish skin feels like without the scales. Even in the dark of night, he’s able to note where (Y/n)’s skin actually has scales and where they’re exposed.

Only her shoulders are held above the water, her shoulders scattered with dark turquoise scales that crawl up the sides of her neck and face, barely covering the gills of her neck. Changbin also notes how the scales seem to lead down her back more than they do over her front… but he doesn’t want to look down any further because from what he remembers, merfolk don’t have anything covering their chests.

“It’s so strange how your fingers don’t have fins connecting them,” (Y/n) speaks up after a moment.

“We don’t live in the water, so we don’t need the fins to help us move around,” he explains. “Like our hair—it’s not a fin like yours is. Yours is supposed to help you move around in the water, but our hair is just… well it’s hair.”

“Could I touch your hair?” she asks gently. Changbin’s cheeks redden as he—awkwardly—tries to lower his head off of the rocks without falling in. (Y/n) moves closer to the edge, one hand reaching up to hold onto the rocks before she takes a deep breath and pulls herself up so that she’s closer to his head. Changbin thanks the Lord that her chest is clothed with what looks like a top made out of marine plants. Her wet fingers gently hold onto his hair and her eyes widen further as she drops herself back into the water. “That feels so strange!” she exclaims. “Merfolk don’t actually have hair. They’re more like the fins on our fingers.”

“Could I feel it?” Changbin asks. (Y/n) nods excitedly and pulls herself out of the water once again to briefly allow the human to touch her fins. His fingers run across the smooth fin, his lips parting in awe at the way it feels because it’s just as his textbooks say, if not softer. “That’s so cool,” he breathes out once she’s lowered herself back into the water. “Your skin feels smooth like fish skin.”

“Well, yeah, we are technically fishes,” (Y/n) chuckles. “I would love to take you into the water to show you my tail, but I don’t think you’ll be able to see anything in the dark.”

“I also can’t breathe underwater,” he reminds her. Her lips form an ‘o’ at the realisation and (Y/n) turns to Hyunjin with a smile on her face.

“I’m not putting any more spells on Changbin,” the sprite shakes his head. “I’m tired, it’s almost 4 a.m., I’m not doing that.” Wait a minute, 4 a.m.?!

“Oh shit,” Changbin sits up and whips his phone out of pocket only to realise that Hyunjin’s right. “Shit, I have to get home before my friends start to worry.” He looks back to (Y/n) to see how her mood’s visibly dampened, a frown pulling on her lips. “I can’t spend too long away or else they get upset and I don’t want to worry them.”

“Will you return tomorrow?” she questions.

He nods with a reassuring smile, “I promise I’ll be back here tomorrow at the same time.”

“Alright,” (Y/n)’s eyes light up and Changbin thinks it’s cute. “Goodnight, Changbin.”

“You too, (Y/n).”

Changbin wakes the next morning and for the first time in a while, he’s awake before his alarm starts ringing. His eyes look around his bedroom as he wonders why he’s awake so early when he’s pretty sure he slept at 5 a.m after getting back from the beach. He sits up, feeling even weirder when he realises that he feels super refreshed. Changbin looks around his room as he throws his covers off of himself, standing up and making his way towards his desk to pick up his phone.

7:26 a.m.

His alarm won’t ring until 9 and his classes are only in the afternoon., which makes Changbin wonder why he’s awake so early? Felix and Jisung are definitely still asleep—both of them barely ever have morning classes—and Changbin contemplates what to do since he doesn’t feel like he’ll be able to fall asleep again.

The beach!

Changbin perks up. He can visit the beach. No one would be there so early in the morning! He doesn’t even bother to shower—he can always shower when he gets back before he heads to campus—so he just throws on one of his really thick jackets, grabs his pack of cigarettes and his phone before quietly stepping out of the house, making sure to leave Felix a text to let him know where he’s heading.

His body stiffens when he feels the cold wind slap him in the face, regretting not grabbing his beanie before leaving, but Changbin doesn’t feel like heading back into the house because he doesn’t want to waste any time. By the time he reaches the beach, the Sun’s raised just a little bit more and the tide is still low. He climbs to the rocky coast he was at the night before, sitting on the edge and looking out at the ocean, hoping maybe Hyunjin or (Y/n) are lingering around anywhere.

Changbin feels himself perk up when he sees a familiar set of eyes peeking out from just above the water’s surface, (Y/n)’s head immediately lifting out of the water with a big smile on her face when she realises who it is.

“You’re out here early,” she comments when she swims to the rocks.

“Kinda surprised myself,” he chuckles. “I’m not awake this early and my alarm will only ring in a few hours.”

“You left the beach only two hours ago,” (Y/n) claims.

Changbin nods at that, “which makes this a bit more confusing on my end.”

“It’s because I casted a spell on you,” Hyunjin’s voice speaks up as he emerges from the water. “I had a feeling you would have trouble sleeping, so I casted a sleep spell on your mind to get you refreshed in a few hours time.”

“Oh,” he watches as the sprite moves to stand on his knee, “thank you, Hyunjin. I haven’t gotten proper sleep in so long.”

“Don’t mention it,” he smiles as he takes a seat on Changbin’s knee. Hyunjin’s change in personality towards the human makes him wonder whether the sprite’s already starting to warm up to him.

“Changbin.” (Y/n)’s voice makes him turn back to look at the mermaid. “What do you do during the day?”

“I’m a student, so I’m usually at college until the evening,” he hums, “after I get home, I just spend the rest of the day with my housemates until it’s past midnight and I come to the beach to clear my mind.” She lets out an ‘ooh’ while Changbin talks, intently listening to everything he has to tell. “I live with two of my friends. They’re also college students, so we like to get things done together.”

“Are they nice?”

“They’re amazing,” he chuckles. “I love them. Jisung made a Spotify playlist for the three of us once and it’s all we listen to now. He’s a nice guy, but sometimes he gets a bit crazy and thrashes the house until Felix has the urge to lock him outside of the house. Felix likes to cook, so he makes us breakfast and dinner. He’s a good cook.”

“Your friends sound like good company,” Hyunjin muses.

“Very much so,” Changbin nods feverishly. “They’re really important to me. Whenever I’m at the beach for too long at night, Jisung’s usually the one to text me and ask me to come home. If I don’t respond to him, then Felix will call me instead.”

“So that night when you fell into the water, it was your friends that you mentioned?” (Y/n) asks.

“Yeah, they scolded me when I got home because I just said that I lost track of time.” Changbin leans back on his arms, getting himself more comfortable. “I feel bad because I worry them a lot. They don’t usually say anything about it, but I can tell that they’d really wish I would be a bit more aware of what’s happening around me.”

“Why so?”

“The cigarettes are one thing,” he pulls the pack out of the pocket of his jacket and shows it to (Y/n), “Jisung wishes I would stop because he doesn’t want anything bad happening to me in the future. Felix hints at it sometimes, but he can’t say much about it because he smokes weed every once in a while.”

“Weed?” (Y/n)’s head tilts curiously.

“It gives the same effect as pufferfish magic,” Hyunjin explains and her lips part in understanding.

“Yeah, but cigs are unhealthy,” Changbin continues. “I’ve tried stopping before, but every time I try, I end up crawling back to them.”

(Y/n) stays quiet for a moment before hey eyes flick to Hyunjin. “Hyunjin, could you cast a spell on me so that I can breathe above water?” The sprite whips his head towards her and his eyebrows furrow.

“Why?” his eyes narrow.

“Just do it.” Hyunjin hesitates before sighing, climbing off of Changbin’s lap to jump onto (Y/n)’s head. Changbin watches as he holds his hands out, palms facing outwards before a bright light flashes from his hands.

“That should do the trick,” he mutters as he jumps off of her head to return to his previous spot on Changbin’s knee. (Y/n) blinks a few times before diving into the water only to jump out and grab onto the rocks, moving to sit beside Changbin where her tail hangs into the water. The human stares at her with wide eyes, only now aware of just how vibrant the colours of her scales are in the light of the day.

To Changbin’s shock, (Y/n) grabs onto his pack of cigs out of his hands and pulls the top open, pulling one of them out. She looks at it for a moment before throwing it into the ocean along with the rest of the pack.

“(Y/n)!” Hyunjin gasps. Changbin’s eyes almost bulge out of his skull as he watches the pack fly out until it splashes into the water. “What are you doing?! You’re littering!” The sprite squeals as he flies out to chase after the pack of cigarettes that’s now unusable.

“I know,” she shrugs as she turns back to the human, “but if it helps you with stopping something that’s unhealthy, then so be it.” His jaw drops when he sees the way (Y/n)’s shoulders slump, her body relaxing as she looks out at the horizon. She turns to him and tilts her head questioningly.

“Oh,” he snaps out of his trance, “it’s nothing. I just—you do realise I can buy another pack, right?”

“If you buy another pack, I’ll throw that one out too,” she simply says.

“You’re adding to the pollution, (Y/n),” Hyunjin huffs when he returns. “The sprites are going to be really mad at you if I’m not able to get rid of them before they find it.”

“Then just always stay at my side,” (Y/n) grins as she pets his head with her finger. Hyunjin whines as he shoves her hand away from him. Changbin watches at the way she interacts with him, his heart filling with a sense of joy at the way she continuously teases Hyunjin and how he seems like the more stable friend in their dynamic; it reminds him of his friends. “Changbin?” Her voice snaps him out of his thoughts.

“Hm? Yeah?” he shakes his head for a moment.

“You alright?”

“Y-Yeah,” Changbin nods, “I was just… thinking.” (Y/n) smiles.

“What kind of thoughts move around in your human brain?” He puffs his cheeks with air as he turns away to look at the ocean, humming in thought as he wonders what else he should share with her.

“I feel like I’ve spoken a lot about myself since we’ve met,” Changbin says after a moment and turns to look at (Y/n), “tell me more about you.” Her eyes widen in surprise, realising that he has been only talking about the human world.

“I don’t know what to start with,” she hums as her back subconsciously straightens.

“What’s it like living underwater? Do mermaids live in something similar to cities?”

(Y/n)’s lips jut out in a small pout as she thinks about it, something that Changbin notes as cute in his mind. “Kind of. Water sprites merfolk pretty much live together, so we use their magic to build structures. Merfolk don’t have the same machines that humans do, all we have is magic and using similar machines would actually hurt the ocean.”

“Do you live with other merfolk?” he questions.

“I live in my own cave,” she shakes her head, “Hyunjin’s the only one that lives with me because I’ve known him since forever and my parents thought it would be safer if I actually lived with another creature.” Silence falls between them, Hyunjin starting to zone out because he’s starting to feel like a third-wheel. (Y/n) and Changbin sit by each other’s sides, looking out at the ocean and letting the sound of the water moving fill the space instead. “Would you like to come into the ocean one day?” she asks as she turns to look at Changbin.

He turns to her and nods, “it’s too cold for me to go into the water. The winter cold is harsh to humans.”

“Spring is in a few weeks. We can wait for then.”

“What are you doing for Spring break?” Felix asks as he plops himself onto the couch, head dropping onto Changbin’s lap. Jisung emerges from his room not long after, falling directly onto his unfortunate housemate who yells in response. “Ji, what the fuck?!” he groans.

“Hmm, comfy,” Jisung giggles as he rubs his face onto Felix’s t-shirt. The blond sighs, knowing that he can’t push Jisung off and instead just accepts the fact that he is now a cushion.

“Spring break?” Changbin questions, completely ignoring the fact that Jisung is crushing Felix. “I think I’m staying here. My parents have work so they’re gonna be flying out a lot. My sister’s still in Norway, so even if I move back home, I’ll be lonely.”

“We can keep you company,” Jisung hums. “My parents are out of town, so I’ll only be going home in the last week of Spring.”

“My family thinks it’ll be better if I wait since I’m already planning on heading back to Australia during Summer break,” Felix hums as well.

“Then I guess it’s back to our trio shenanigans,” Changbin chuckles as he looks up at the TV. He feels slightly The screen’s hooked up to Felix’s Netflix and he put on whatever he was watching last which just so happened to be Bunny Girl Senpai.

“Is that girl wearing a bunny costume?” Jisung questions as he sits upright to look at the screen properly.

“Yeah,” he nods. “Why? You a furry?”

Jisung scoffs, “you’re the most likely to be a furry, Lix. You’re girlfriend’s a puppy hybrid.”

“Doesn’t mean I’m a furry, Sung,” Felix shoots up, “that’s fucking mean and don’t ever say that in front of Ava.”

“Furry.”

“You’re a dick,” he scoffs as he returns to laying his head on Changbin’s lap.

“Jisung, you do remember that the guy you have a crush on now is a cat hybrid, right?” Changbin snorts.

“Yeah!” Felix huffs. “Minho hyung’s a cat hybrid!”

“I don’t have a crush on Minho hyung, I have a crush on KC!” he whines before slapping his hand over his mouth. Felix and Changbin’s heads whip to him with wide eyes.

“You do have a crush on KC!” he gasps.

“Looks like we were right all along,” Changbin chuckles. Jisung pauses before letting out a sigh followed by a whine when he realises what he’s done.

“Be glad that I don’t go share the same classes as you and KC or else I’d tease you all the time,” Felix snickers. Jisung scowls at that as he stands up, muttering curses under his breath as he heads back into his bedroom.

The two giggle as they watch him. “What about you, Changbin hyung?” Felix turns to look at him. “Do you have anyone that has your eye?”

“We’re not tweens, Lix,” he snorts.

“Doesn’t mean that we can’t talk about relationships,” he claims.

Changbin sighs, “no, I do not have anyone on my mind.” (Y/n). His brain momentarily halts when he remembers the mermaid. “No one on campus has really caught my attention,” he hums. Felix side-eyes him as he turns to look at the TV, the feeling that Changbin’s lying lingering in his gut. He’s known his housemate long enough to tell when he’s lying and Felix can already see it from the way he blinks exactly three times after speaking. Talk about being observant.

“If you get a partner, you’d tell us, right?”

“Of course,” Changbin nods as he pats Felix’s head. Hyunjin watches from the ceiling, cloaked with an invisibility spell as he watches the way Changbin interacts with his friends. He knows he shouldn’t be there, it’s definitely already breached the line of being protective over his best friend and now it’s pretty much just stalking, but Hyunjin’s paranoia got the best of him.

“Ji, if you don’t come back out, then I won’t share my popcorn with you!” Felix yells, shortly hearing the sound of Jisung’s bedroom door opening followed by his footsteps scrambling into the living room.

“Ah, don’t do that to Jisung,” Changbin laughs, “share your popcorn with him, Lix.”

“This is a piece of dead coral that I picked up on the way here.” (Y/n) places the greyed invertebrate into Changbin’s hands. The human looks at it in awe, amazed at the structure of it. Ever since (Y/n)’s started becoming more confident with talking to the human, Hyunjin’s been using his magic to help Changbin safely reach a cave that’s more secluded to keep any other human eyes away from the mermaid.

“This could help a lot with a research paper I’m writing about coral reefs,” the human hums as he examines it.

“I don’t think there’s anything else I could show you outside of the water,” she confesses softly by his side. Hyunjin’s magic also helped with letting (Y/n) breathe out of water, meaning that she’s able to actually sit on the rocks with Changbin now. Hyunjin had casted the same spell he did many times before to allow them to understand each other before disappearing because he always feels like a third-wheel around the two. The water sprite can already see that they both fancy each other, but he prefers not to say anything.

“If it hurts to bring it out,” Changbin turns to look at her and smiles, “please don’t. I don’t want anything dying because you wanted to show it to me.”

(Y/n) stares at him for a moment before nodding, a small smile pulling at her lips. “Maybe when it’s warmer, I could bring you into the water and show you what lies on the ocean floor. From what my parents have told me, there’s a lot of things that humans still haven’t discovered.”

“I think we’ve only actually managed to uncover about a small chunk of it—most of that with the help of water sprites and merfolk,” he nods, slipping the coral into the pocket of his coat. “But I don’t think we’ve been able to actually discover much when your species started hiding away from us.”

“I fear that if humans re-discover our existence would only bring more harm to my people,” (Y/n) sighs. “I want to interact with your people more, but they scare me.”

“I personally think it’s better if you stay away from us,” Changbin chuckles. “They won’t treat your kind nicely. It’s as Hyunjin says; magical creatures are running away from humans because they fear for their own safety.” The mermaid stays quiet, realising that she’s put herself at a very vulnerable situation by interacting with the human regularly. Had she been more careless, she could’ve been caught by someone who had malicious intent. “My friends still don’t know you exist, by the way,” he turns to look at her, “they think I just come to the beach to smoke.”

“But you’ve stopped, haven’t you?” (Y/n)’s head tilts slightly.

Changbin lets out an awkward laugh, “yeaaah, they don’t know that either.”

“What would they do if they found out about me?” He pauses at her question. He knows that Felix and Jisung wouldn’t do anything to (Y/n) intentionally, but he also knows that they might want to see her, which would end up scaring her instead.

“I’m worried that they might scare you,” he confesses with a chuckle. “Felix and Jisung are very… excited people. I feel like they might say something that could scare you.”

“Are they anything like you?” she further asks.

“Hmm,” Changbin hums, thinking about it for a moment, “they’re louder than I am—which is funny because Jisung’s an introvert—but they’re nice people. I’m just worried they might make you uncomfortable.” (Y/n) hums at that as she turns away from him to look out of the cave.

“Would I ever be able to meet them? They sound important to you,” she says softly.

“Maybe one day,” he shrugs, turning to follow her gaze. Their meetings are still mostly at night, meaning that Changbin gets more views of the ocean in the night than he does in the day. He thinks the ocean is gorgeous every night, but tonight is particularly serene to him. The waves are calmer than they usually are and the full moon is glowing brightly in the sky, sending a beautiful reflection off of the water. When he turns back to (Y/n), she’s staring at him, her pupils dilated, meaning she’s calm; something that Changbin’s managed to learn over the time that he's known her. Her pupils change like a cat’s does, showing her mood. He feels his stomach flutter at her gaze.

“Sometimes I wonder what it’s like to live as a human,” (Y/n) starts, “but I also know that it would be foolish of me to give up my home in the ocean to live as a species that even has sirens wary of.” Ah right. Changbin realises that if merfolk still exist, then it’s likely that sirens still do as well since they were declared extinct not long after merfolk were. “Even though I know that, I still wonder how different it must be on land.”

“Humans are dangerous creatures, (Y/n),” Changbin mutters. “A lot of us wouldn’t hesitate to put our greed first. They would hurt you.”

She lets out a bitter laugh at that, “I know, but as Hyunjin says, my curiosity tends to get the best of me.” He turns to look at her to see the way she’s staring down at her hands. “I understand why we hide. I understand why the merfolk around me are so wary of the fact that I linger in shallow water, but I just wanted to see what humans are like. The only one I’ve ever encountered is you.” (Y/n) looks away from her hands and turns to Changbin, “but you’re not anything like I’ve heard humans are.” Changbin can feel his entire face getting hot and his ears heating up as well, the butterflies in his stomach once again erupting like they did before. “I think I’m lucky that you’re the person I encountered rather than someone else. Hyunjin says that too.”

“Really? I feel like Hyunjin doesn’t like me, though.”

“Ah, he’s just like that,” she laughs. “Hyunjin acts all cold on the outside, but he’s really just a softy on the inside. He really likes you, but he’ll kill me if he ever finds out that I’m saying this to you. The only reason why he acts so cautious around you is because he’s worried that he may have read you wrong.”

“He really cares about you, huh?” Changbin hums.

(Y/n) nods, “sometimes I like to do dumb things because his reactions are always really funny.” She looks down at her hands once again before sliding herself into the water. “My skin is starting to dry out, I’m sorry,” she mutters before dipping her entire head underneath and popping back out.

“Does anything happen if your skin dries out?”

“It starts to hurt after a while,” she shakes her head, “but if I didn’t have Hyunjin’s spell on me, then I’d suffocate on land faster.” (Y/n) rests her arms on the edge of the cave entrance, keeping herself afloat as her chin moves to rest on the back of her hands. She watches Changbin whose eyes are glued to the night sky. She wonders why she feels so much adoration towards him. He turns away from the sky to look at (Y/n), this time holding her gaze as he tilts his head.

“Something on your mind?” he questions. She stares at him a moment longer before climbing out of the water and returning to her spot beside him.

“Nothing much,” (Y/n) hums. She stretches her back, letting out a small yawn before resting her head on Changbin’s shoulder, the human tensing when he feels her. “I’m just thinking about some things.” He prefers not to question her sudden skinship because honestly? Changbin doesn’t want her to move. He kinda likes it. He ignores the fact that her wet skin is making his shoulder wet instead, letting his hand move behind her.

When (Y/n) wakes up, Hyunjin’s floating right in front of her face. “You’re finally up,” the sprite comments as he moves away.

“Huh?” The mermaid sits up and looks around in her bedroom. When did she get home? “What happened?”

“Changbin said you fell asleep while you were talking in the cave, so he called me and I brought you back home.” He floats away from her and towards her door, “you should really be more careful, (Y/n). Changbin won’t be the one who will hurt you—that I‘m sure of—but I fear that another human may find you and be the one who hurts you.” (Y/n) silently watches as he leaves, a sudden sense of fear running through her. Changbin definitely wouldn’t hurt her, but the chances of someone else finding her while she’s waiting for him just might be the reason she would get caught.

(Y/n) sighs softly as she climbs off of the bed of algae, her tail pushing her towards the door where she pauses for a moment. How dangerous would it be if she were to grow feelings for Changbin? Her hand grips onto the doorknob as she thinks about it. What would happen if someone else found out that Changbin’s been hiding her from the world? Would he end up being reprimanded? (Y/n) sighs before opening her door, pushing the thought out of her head and heading into the living room where Hyunjin is hovering around, flying from wall to wall as he cleans up.

The sprite turns around at the sound of her door, “Changbin asked if it was possible for him to bring his friends to the beach.”

“Oh.” Hyunjin stares at her for a moment longer before sighing, placing the gemstones in his hands onto the shelf before moving towards her.

“Are you sure you want to meet more humans?” he asks. Hyunjin feels like he trusts Changbin enough to bring only good people to meet (Y/n), but he still worries about how she feels. “You tend to rush into things, I just wanna make sure.”

“I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that,” she confesses. “Is it bad that I do? I know it’s dangerous, but I want to know more about Changbin.” Hyunjin eyes her for a moment before letting out another sigh.

“You’re known him for barely three months and you already like him,” he mutters. (Y/n) face flushes pink as she looks at him. His arms cross over his chest, “if you really want to, then I’ll allow it, but the moment something seems off then I’m hiding you immediately.” She perks up, head nodding excitedly. “Maybe it would be good if people he trusted knew who he was meeting. That way there would be reassurance coming from above water as well,” Hyunjin thinks out loud as he turns around. “I’m also worried that they may scare you off.”

“Changbin mentioned that too,” she claims.

“If you’re absolutely sure, then I’ll fly out to Changbin’s place now and let him know,” he says.

(Y/n)’s face contorts in confusion, “why do you know where he lives?”

“Uhh,” Hyunjin freezes because now he has to tell her that he’s followed Changbin home before. “Well…”

“Hyunjin…” her eyes narrow.

“I may or may not have followed him home once because I wanted to see whether or not we could trust him,” he admits with an awkward chuckle.

“Hyunjin,” (Y/n) groans.

“He didn’t know I was there!” Hyunjin defends. “None of his housemates knew I was there! I just wanted to see what he was actually like.”

“And what did you learn from that?” Her arms cross over her chest as she awaits his answer.

“He’s… a good guy.” (Y/n)’s arms loosen and her face softens. “His friends seem like good people. I like Jisung particularly; he’s funny. I think you would appreciate Felix’s parent-like behaviour with Changbin. I don’t think I could find anything nasty on him that could hint to him probably wanting to expose your existence to the humans. He’s good. If you have feelings for him, then I’ll do my best to help hide the both of you to give you time together.” Her arms fall to her side at her lips part. “I’m only doing this because I trust him.” Hyunjin moves until he’s directly in front of (Y/n)’s face, “but you have to promise me that you’ll still be careful.”

“Of course,” she breathes out with a nod. She raises her hand, allowing the sprite to hold onto her finger. Hyunjin’s always been really tiny due to just his species being generally small, but (Y/n)’s always found it adorable. They’ve known each other since (Y/n) was born. Hyunjin’s lifespan as a water sprite is long, but he was only born a few years before the mermaid was. Since their parents were friends, (Y/n) and Hyunjin spent pretty much their entire childhood together and they’ve gone past the need to tell each other that they see each other as family.

“I’ll head on over to Changbin’s place, then,” Hyunjin smiles as he lets go of her finger.

“You might freak him out if he realises the fact that you know where he lives,” (Y/n) snorts.

“Ah, he’s a smart guy. He’ll put the pieces together,” he chuckles, shaking his head before bidding the mermaid goodbye and leaving her home. (Y/n)’s cave wasn’t too far from other merfolk, but it was far enough that it was closer to the surface. There are only two other merfolk that live a few miles away from her cave, but merfolk spend most of their time with creatures they are familiar with and seldom mix around with other merfolk they don’t know. The distance from the shore to the cave is far from humans, making it quite a long course through the water before Hyunjin’s able to reach the familiar beach of Changbin’s town. He pops out of the water, his wings unfurling before carrying him straight to the human’s house.

Hyunjin doesn’t really bother to knock and instead flies into the open window of Changbin’s bedroom only to find him laying in bed, snores leaving his mouth with his blanket pulled all the way up to his chin. The sprite purses his lips into a straight line as he pulls the window close. It’s no wonder Changbin’s all bundled up; his window must’ve been open the entire night. The sprite hovers right above his face, contemplating waking him up, but he’s not exactly given a choice because the bedroom door swings open without any warning.

“Hyuuuung!” Jisung whines loudly, causing Changbin to jerk awake in his bed.

“Don’t you go spreading your false information!” Felix barks as he barges into the room beside his housemate.

Changbin sits up and stares at them, eyes tired and face contorted in displeasure, “what?!”

“Hyung, Felix pushed your dry coral off of the coffee table,” he tells him. The eldest’s eyes snap open and he’s scrambling out of his bed and pushing past the two younger males.

“I didn’t push it off, it was an accident!” Felix groans, watching nervously as Changbin silently moves over to pick up the dried coral sitting on the ground. The impact managed to chip off the top of the oddly shaped rectangle, breaking the corner off while pieces of it scattered the carpet. Hyunjin watches from the ceiling, curious to see how the human would react, but Changbin’s quiet as he picks up the pieces.

“Don’t worry about it,” he mutters as he stands, the coral pieces sitting in his palm. “I should’ve brought this into my room instead since I wanted to use this for a report.” Changbin turns around and gives his housemates a small smile to reassure them. Felix and Jisung shrink slightly, guilt washing over both of their faces.

“I’m sorry, hyung, I didn’t mean to. I-I was just cleaning and it—” Felix reaches out to him as he walks back into his room but Changbin stops the younger man from coming in.

“Lix, it’s fine,” he cuts him off. “It’s just coral. I can always, uhh, get more of it from the beach. It’s okay.” Changbin closes the door, leaving the other two standing outside of the room feeling lost. It’s rare for him to just numbly push it aside, which only makes Felix feel even worse because he has a feeling that someone gave him the coral. In his room, Changbin places the broken coral pieces onto his desk and stares at it. If he told (Y/n) that it’s broken, he wouldn’t want to actually tell her because he doesn’t want to make her feel bad, but Changbin doesn’t want to ask for another one. He scratches the back of his neck and sighs, “fuck.” It’s his mistake for leaving the coral in the living room when he had made a mental note to take care of it, but what could Changbin do now?

“Is this a bad time?” Hyunjin finally speaks up. Changbin’s head perks up and he whips his head around to see the water sprite standing on his bed.

“I knew you stalked me,” he gasps in mock surprise. Hyunjin laughs at that as he flies over to the desk to look at the coral. “I didn’t mean to leave it out in the open,” Changbin sighs.

“You could always ask her for more, I don’t think she minds,” he claims.

“I don’t want to make her feel bad if I tell her that this one broke,” Changbin mumbles, his fingers poking at the pieces.

“Changbin,” Hyunjin turns around to look at the human, his hands moving to his hips, “(Y/n) won’t mind. She likes when you ask for ocean stuff.”

“Does she?”

He nods and flies up in front of Changbin’s face, “she really likes talking to you about the ocean.” Hyunjin only lowers back onto the desk once Changbin looks more reassured. “Speaking of (Y/n), she wants to meet your friends.”

“What?” his eyes widened.

“She said that she wants to meet Felix and Jisung,” Hyunjin continues, “she wants to know more about you and your life because she likes you.”

"She—huh?" Changbin shakes his head a bit before staring at Hyunjin.

"Do you want to introduce your friends to your mermaid girlfriend or not?" His arms cross over his chest.

“(Y/n)’s not my girlfriend,” he’s blushing furiously as he denies it but Hyunjin raises an eyebrow.

“Mhm, and that night where you let her fall asleep on your shoulder even though her skin was wet and your shoulder was freezing after that says otherwise,” he teases.

“She’s not my girlfri—” Changbin’s cut off when his bedroom door swings open and Felix and Jisung are staring at him, eyes flicking to look at Hyunjin who’s looking like a deer caught in headlights.

“I-Is that a sprite?” Jisung asks. Changbin nods.

“Okay, cool, we were just wondering who you were talking to,” Felix laughs awkwardly as he pulls on Jisung’s collar and pulls him away from the door.

“No, stay,” Hyunjin beckons them over. The two of humans exchange a look with Changbin before stepping into the room. “How good are you at keeping a secret?”

“Pretty good,” Felix shrugs.

“Why?” Jisung tilts his head.

Hyunjin turns to Changbin, “do you trust them enough to meet her?”

“Well, if (Y/n) wants to meet them, then I can bring them to the beach,” he nods.

“Who’s (Y/n)?” Jisung asks.

“Are you a hundred percent sure we can trust them?” The water sprite ignores Jisung’s question, more concerned about just how much Changbin would trust them to meet a mermaid.

“Felix has kept a secret I told him four years ago and Jisung forgets them a few seconds after—I think they’ll be fine,” he reassures Hyunjin. The sprite turns back to the obviously confused humans before relaxing his shoulders.

“Bring them with you when you come by later. I think she'd be pretty happy if she could meet your friends.” He moves to the window, flicking his wrist upwards and the window frame lifting on its own before Hyunjin flies out. The three humans stare at the open window, completely ignoring the cold wind that’s blowing into Changbin’s bedroom because Jisung and Felix are too busy trying to figure out what the hell a water sprite was doing in their hyung’s bedroom.

“So…” Jisung trails off as he shifts his weight from one foot to another. “Care to explain who your friend is?”

“Which one?” Changbin turns to look at the two.

“The sprite and whoever (Y/n) is,” he clarifies.

“I met the water sprite through (Y/n),” he says simply, “I’ll bring you to see (Y/n) later, but you have to promise that you won’t tell anyone about her.”

“I’m not gonna question why you’re so secretive about your obviously secret girlfriend, but okay,” Felix chuckles. “I knew that you had someone on your mind.”

“She’s not my girlfriend,” Changbin grumbles, “we’re just friends.”

“Then why did the water sprite say she was your girlfriend?” Jisung teases.

“Because…” he trails off as he tries to find an excuse. There’s really nothing for him to say that could deny that he may or may not be in an unofficial relationship with the mermaid other than the fact that Changbin and (Y/n) have only known each other for less than three months and may or may not be into each other. “Look, if I bring you to the beach to meet her, she’ll explain it too, okay? Just bare with me until then.”

“Fine.”

“You’re fucking joking,” Jisung breathes in awe. Both him and Felix are staring at the mermaid with eyes that are close to falling out of their skull and jaws all the way to the ground.

“T-This isn’t possible,” Felix mutters, eyes trained on (Y/n)’s turquoise tail. She sits on the edge of the cave, hiding behind Changbin’s legs as his friends gawk at her. Hyunjin watches from Changbin’s shoulders, arms crossed over his chest and a smirk on his face at the way the humans are in so much disbelief that Felix smacks his own head to make sure he’s not dreaming. “She’s a mermaid,” he looks up at Changbin.

“You’re girlfriend’s a mermaid,” Jisung states.

Changbin blushes and shakes his head, “we’re not dating.” (Y/n) stays behind his legs, hiding her blush by sliding back into the water and only peeking her eyes out of the water. “Now you’ve gone and made her scared!”

“No!” she squeaks, shooting up to tug on his jeans, “they didn’t scare me.” Changbin turns around, eyes softening when he sees the way (Y/n)’s reassures him with her eyes.

“Oh, we didn’t scare her. She’s blushing,” Jisung teases. Even in the dark of night, he’s still able to see the red tinge on her cheeks which only deepen at his statement. (Y/n) lets go of Changbin’s pants and lowers into the water.

“Are you okay?” he questions softly. She looks up, nodding silently when her gaze meets his. “Are you sure they’re not scaring you?” (Y/n) shakes her head. Changbin relaxes a bit as he turns back to face his friends, “this is (Y/n). I met her a few months ago because she saved me.”

“Saved you how?” Felix’s eyes narrow.

“Your friend over here fell into the water while trying to get a closer look at (Y/n),” Hyunjin giggles as he jumps off of Changbin’s shoulder and floats towards Jisung’s shoulder. “(Y/n) had to drag him towards a cave because she didn’t want him to freeze and drown.” Jisung and Felix feel a click in their heads at the words ‘drown’ and ‘freeze’, both of them slowly turning to look at their friend.

“You almost drowned?!” Jisung exclaims.

“Why didn’t you mention this?!” Felix yells.

“Because I would’ve had to explain how my clothes dried and how I even survived,” Changbin shrugs. Felix scoffs, eyes rolling as he tries to process the new information.

“So, you just casually almost die and decide not to tell us?!” Jisung’s jaw drops.

“I didn’t want to tell you about (Y/n) because she’s supposed to be extinct!” he throws his arms up into the air. (Y/n) watches from the water, stifling her laughter at how Jisung and Felix continue to fire at Changbin for not telling them of his death, Hyunjin making eye contact with her and chuckling as well. She reaches up and tugs on Changbin’s pants once more, making him turn around immediately at the feeling. “Yeah?”

“I wanna say hi.” She blinks innocently a few times while Jisung and Felix watch, their arms crossing over their chests and their eyebrows raising.

“Oh, sure,” Changbin crouches down and holds onto her hand to help her sit on the edge of the stone where she shyly waves towards the two humans.

“Wow,” Jisung chuckles. “You’re whipped.” Felix snickers from beside him, pursing his lips together to make it less obvious that he’s laughing as well.

“No I’m not,” he snorts. (Y/n) looks up at him and pulls on his hand, silently asking him to sit down with her, which Changbin immediately obliges without even questioning it.

“Sure,” Felix laughs.

“Changbin talks about you guys a lot,” (Y/n) claims.

“I hope you mean in a good light.”

“Very,” she chuckles, “the only reason I wanted to meet you guys myself is because you sound really important from what Changbin has told me.”

“Important?” Jisung smirks.

“I meant that you sound like really good friends.” (Y/n)’s words make Changbin loosen up slightly. She’s trying not to embarrass him in front of his friends, so she chooses her words carefully to at least try to lessen the teasing he might receive once they head home. “I think he loves you guys more than he’d admit,” she whispers, giggling when she earns a glare from Changbin. Jisung and Felix turn to him, choosing not to tease him because they’re actually warmed by (Y/n).

“We love you too, hyung,” Felix smiles, Jisung nodding ecstatically beside him. “I’m going to assume that (Y/n) is the event where a species pretended to go extinct and still haven’t been re-discovered.”

“Precisely,” she nods.

“What are the chances that a stranger could find her?” Jisung questions.

“That’s something that I’d rather not find out,” Hyunjin sighs, moving from Jisung’s shoulder to (Y/n) instead. “The only reason why I allowed Changbin to introduce you two to (Y/n) is because I trust him. So, I’m going to take a leap and trust you.”

“We won’t tell anyone about her,” Felix reassures him. “We’re just here because we wanna see who Changbin hyung’s girlfriend is.”

“For the last time, (Y/n)’s not my girlfriend,” Changbin groans. “We’re just friends!” (Y/n)’s expression drops and the only person that happens to miss it is Changbin because he’s too busy glaring at his friends. Jisung clears his throat and gestures to the mermaid when his friend gives him a questioning look. Changbin turns around and panic starts to fill him when he sees the way her mood’s dampened. “W-What’s wrong?”

“Would it be so bad if we were dating?” she mutters out, a frown pulling on her lips.

“O-Of course not!” he stammers, his eyes squeezing shut as he tries to explain it to her. “I just don’t want them thinking we’re dating if we’re not, you know? It might make you feel awkward or uncomfortable,” Changbin mutters as he rubs the back of his neck.

“I don’t think it’s awkward,” (Y/n) admits, her cheeks tinged red. The human’s eyes widen as well, blush creeping over his entire face.

“I—uhm.” Changbin struggles to actually word anything out while his best friends laugh at him and Hyunjin watches with a shit-eating grin on his face. He scooches closer to (Y/n) and moves his lips right to her ear, “let’s talk about this later, yeah?” She moves away from his face and nods. When (Y/n) turns back to Changbin’s friends, they’ve made themselves comfortable on the rocks, ready to learn more about the mermaid.

The night is spent with casual talking, the five of them getting to know each other more. Changbin learns more about Hyunjin that single night than he has in the past few months that he’s known the water sprite. Jisung also seems to make it a mission to embarrass Changbin as much as he can in front of (Y/n) to the point where Changbin’s almost holding him by the collar and hanging him over the ocean. Felix on the other hand, watches in amusement. He doesn’t say that much other than piping in every once in a while because he’s genuinely interested in learning more about the magical creatures.

“I’ll catch up with you guys in a bit,” Changbin tells the two humans when it’s already 3 a.m..

“We’ll be waiting at the beach,” Jisung nods, waving at Hyunjin and (Y/n) before he walks off with Felix. Hyunjin looks at Changbin before turning to (Y/n)—who’s moved into the water because her skin was drying out—and realising that they want time alone.

“I’ll give you guys some space,” he mutters before diving into the water, leaving the two alone. Once alone, (Y/n) pulls herself up to sit on the rocks, tail dangling in the water as she looks out at the horizon with Changbin sitting cross-legged beside her.

“What do you think of my friends?” he questions.

(Y/n) hums, a smile tugging on her lips as she turns away from the ocean to Changbin, “I like them. They seem like a lot of fun.”

“They really are,“ he chuckles. Silence falls between them and whatever elephant was already in the room seems to have doubled in size because now, the two of them are painfully aware of their relationship. “(Y/n),” Changbin breaks the silence, turning to face her.

“Yeah?” She's already looking at him and it makes Changbin’s face heat up. The moonlight reflects off of her face, the blue and green scales of her face reflecting the light like diamonds that cover her skin. (Y/n)’s gorgeous. Changbin isn’t sure whether her beauty is amplified because of the sudden serenity of the night or whether he’s just never actually taken the time to admire her, but she’s entrancing. His eyes flick to her lips, soft and glossy before they flicker back up to her eyes where she’s watching every feature on his face to try and predict his next move.

“C-Could I kiss you?” The words come out before Changbin’s able to stop himself and he mentally slaps himself because that is not at all what he wanted to say. (Y/n) nods anyway, letting him move closer until his warm lips gently press against her cold ones. The kiss is slow and gentle, both of them testing the waters before pulling away. When Changbin’s eyes open to meet (Y/n)’s his stomach erupts with butterflies. How lucky was he to encounter a mermaid when they had hidden away from humans, faking their extinction to keep themselves safe. He realises then that (Y/n)’s, “one in a million,” he subconsciously says out loud. As rushed as it sounds, Changbin's pretty sure he’s managed to fall in love with her in the short amount of time they’ve known each other.

“Huh?” (Y/n)’s eyes flash with confusion.

“You’re one in a million,” Changbin says, his hand moving up to gently cup the side of her face before he leans in once again.

132 notes · View notes

ronsenburg · 4 years

Note

Hi! I wanted to ask you something about Klapollo. What topic/argument do you think could possibly cause them to break up or take a break from the relationship? I live for the drama and was thinking about maybe writing a fic but like I dont want to make either of them assholes, like Apollo bringing Kristoph up to hurt Klavier, for example. I don't think he would do that but I struggle to come up with something else.

Oh boy, I hope you’re not upset about this, but I wrote you an essay. I’m sorry.

Overall, I really like the klapollo relationship timeline because, compared to, say, narumi/su they have a much more normal, organic story. They meet, flirt, share a mutual trauma, get together! Totally normal! But I also think that they would have a much harder time than narumi/su finding the balance you need in a serious relationship and I can see them calling it quits for perfectly practical reasons that aren’t really anything to do with one being a jerk, you know? Here are my top things that I think they would have to navigate and maybe struggle with before a real happily ever after:

1. Money. You’ve probably seen my post where I talk about Apollo feeling uncomfortable with displays of affluence. I don’t think that this is an easy one to get past. AA6 Spoilers, but Dhurke and Datz literally raised them in hiding on the run in the mountainous jungles of Khura’in. They sent Apollo to the states as a nine year old. We don’t know what he did when he got here, but my money’s always been on the foster system. That doesn’t typically breed a sense of stability, financial or otherwise.

From my experience (so take it with a grain of salt), children who grow up with very little tend to behave in one of two ways when they reach financial stability and/or achieve wealth: first option, they’re really bad with it. They spend it nearly as fast as they make it on things they didn’t get to have or experience when they were growing up. Second option, they never spend it. They know what it’s like to be without, so they save as much of it as they can so they have the security of knowing, if something happens, they won’t have to go back to the way it was before. I will always put Apollo in the latter category. He works hard for what he has and what he gets and, I think, things that signify extravagance make him uncomfortable. On the other hand, I think that the Gavin’s have always had some sort of wealth. Klavier and Kristoph have very different aesthetics to their spaces that we get to experience (Klavier’s office and Kristoph’s cell) but they’re both pretty lavish. Now, we can assume they each made their money individually in their respective careers but, honestly, Kristoph’s cell is so gaudy. To me, it screams “this is what I’m used to and I refuse to accept any less” which is an attitude that I feel comes more from a lifetime of that treatment.

So if we accept everything that I’ve said above as true, trying to put a person who saves every penny they get and feels bad treating themselves with a person who spends money freely because it’s been a constant throughout their life? It can go poorly. Casually dating, maybe it’s not such an issue once Apollo says “please no more presents and can we just get takeout for once?” but if you’re talking about something more serious, where you have to live in the same space and pay joint bills and be confronted with the other person’s spending habits constantly, it’s a whole other thing. Please take it from me as a person in a long term relationship who loves their partner tremendously—everyone fights about money. Everyone. It would be very difficult for Apollo to feel comfortable, even if he knew that finances were in good shape and there was savings, etc. Things happen, people leave. Nothing gold can stay. Changing that line of thinking takes work. It would also be easier said than done for Klavier to just do an about face on his own habits for Apollo’s comfort. Being a celebrity makes money, but it costs money, too. There is a certain amount of lushness that people expect. That can’t just go away. These are things that become bigger problems overtime, no matter how much you love each other.

Anyway, I would be really surprised if—even if you’re writing them as really happily married—Apollo doesn’t have a ‘emergency fund’ that even Klavier doesn’t know about. It’s a ‘just in case’. Just in case Klavier leaves him. Just in case he needs to get away fast. Just in case the world ends. It’s not a logical thing, something that he sat down and rationalized doing, it’s just there because it feels better to have it than to not. But that can be kind of hurtful if the other person finds out about it, so. There you go, a whole minefield of money related drama.

2. Apollo’s Abandonment Issues. He’s got them! What do you call and orphan twice over who also lost his very best friend? I don’t know, but if capcom doesn’t stop picking on my boy I’m going to kick them in the teeth. I will still never get over AA6 for telling us that Dhurke took Apollo in when he was orphaned as a baby, then abandoned him in the USA, then came back for him and got his hopes up, and then was actually dead the whole time! Hahahaha! What a trip!

Anyway, you don’t come back from that super easy. People who suffer this kind of trauma usually have a really hard time trusting others, which is understandable. They also can have unrealistic needs from their partners, become codependent, or even just self-sabotage their relationships, pulling away first to try and avoid the pain because they think the other person will leave them. I think that last one is most likely for Apollo, especially given the disparity in circumstances I mentioned above. If Apollo can’t trust that Klavier actually loves him, can’t trust that he won’t leave him like EVERYONE ELSE HAS, then they can’t have a healthy relationship. Drama.

3. Klavier’s Emotional Trauma. Kristoph is a pretty big jerk to Klavier in the last case of AA4. He criticizes and undermines Klavier, threatens and admits to manipulating him. In the anthology, Klavier shares an “lol so funny!” story about Kristoph accidentally breaking a window while he and Klavier are playing ball. In it, he convinces Klavier that it was his fault and that he should take the blame and apologize for breaking the window! And Klavier does! That’s gaslighting, baby, and since the Anthology is supposed to be canon, we can take that to mean it’s been happening since Klavier was a kid. Think about that. An entire life of gaslighting and manipulative behavior! You don’t come back from that easily, either.

People who experience emotional abuse can, among other things, suffer from depression and low-self esteem. They need affirmation from their partners and can have a hard time with letting people in or being honest (though not from a malicious mindset—more a “I’m going to say what I think you want to hear because if you’re happy, bad things won’t happen!”). They can also always be waiting for the other shoe to drop, so to speak. Sure things are good, but when will that end and the bad time start? It’s a self fulfilling prophecy: if all you can do is worry about things going wrong, then you aren’t actually enjoying when things are going right and you will cause the issues you’re so worried about. Drama.

4. Fame. Klavier has been in the spotlight since he was a literal child. If the Gavinners were already hits when Klavier was 17, they likely formed and starred their rise some time before then. A year, maybe two? Klavier spent his formative years in the spotlight. He quite literally doesn’t know any other way. Apollo, on the other hand, has never experienced the kind of scrutiny he’d be subject to when dating someone like Klavier. It can be really stressful and hurtful and just overall not a good time. And I’m not saying that Klavier wouldn’t be sympathetic, but I don’t think he would really understand how difficult it could be to have been thrust into that position out of nowhere, because he’s had years of dealing with it and was in a completely different place in life when it began for him. It’s not unreasonable to think that Apollo might not be able to take it. You can love someone and want to be with them but if you can’t adapt to their lifestyle, it’s not going to work. They could walk away rather than risk what might happen to Apollo if they kept it up. Drama.

5. Careers. They both have very demanding jobs. While sharing a similar profession can mean there’s a mutual understanding, it can also cause issues if you... never get to see each other? Schedules can be out of alignment (which could easily happen; their cases can’t always line up and they seem to require a lot of time investment outside of just normal hours). If Klavier goes back into music, that’s an additional time constraint. Why be in a relationship when you can only see the other person for moments here and there? What about the stress that comes with those jobs? That can cause drama.

6. Klavier looks like Kristoph. They are very different people, yes, but similar enough in some ways that it could cause tension. Maybe Klavier is tired and stressed and snaps at Apollo, and suddenly, all Apollo can see is Kristoph and all he can feel is the uncomfortable churning in his stomach that goes along with the memories of him. Someone he trusted, someone who let him down. That’s a difficult subject to broach, and it can fester like an infected wound if left intended.

But Apollo sounds like Kristoph sometimes. We saw it in AA5, which is, of course, an extreme circumstance. But it can come out from time to time in other ways. A phrase that slips out, the way he intones certain words, the way he signs off in his emails—little things that are harmless, but can still act as triggers.

Sometimes you need to get away from things that can remind you of your past in order to work on getting over them. If you are in love with someone who shares a similar trauma, who brings those issues from the past to light frequently just by being themselves, it might not be a healthy situation. I don’t think they would need to throw it in each other’s faces for it to become an issue. Drama.

There are more, but I probably took this more seriously than you intended. Whoops! Anyway, I hope that helps??? Maybe???? I hope you get them back together in the end because they deserve to be happy though!!!!!!!

#LONG POST #shut up krissy #if you want me to cut this please let me know #klapollo

58 notes · View notes

sokayisaidiot · 4 years

Text

Dream SMP assumption #2

Today’s topic: What does Character Tommy have?

Please DO NOT read if you’re uncomfortable with the themes of death, depression and suicide. It’s a very complicated theme. I did NOT study it and do NOT know some aspects of it. I just go off the things I saw in the smp and made my own theories about it. If you’re even slightly triggered by this, please stop and do NOT try to read it. Please do NOT put yourself in some kind of uncomfortable zone. Please do not. Thank you

(This is all assumptioning from the fictional world of dream smp)

(Heavy spoilers on the resent events)

(Mainly around the lmanburg way, sadly need to learn more about badlands ): )

(This Series is created by another person, that’s just too fuckin lazy to move her butt)

Trigger warning today:

Suicide thoughts

PTSD

Depression

Child Neglect

Betrayal and Trust Issues

Death

Character Tommy’s Mental state in the last time? Terrible. But why does he goes so fast to the way of suicide? Well, maybe all the repressed Feelings, he had since a long time. For that I researched the signs for some of the points Depression

The main symptoms are:

depressed mood, sadness, depression = the start of the streams being completely sad, his quick Mood changes

Disinterest and joylessness = The disinterest coming with getting hurt and not really doing anything against it, with each visit he's getting, his joy gets smaller

Loss of drive and easy fatigue = Relying more on Plans he made

Side symptoms can include the following symptoms:

Loss of appetite = saying he has no appetite, when he clearly does

sleep disorders = Having Nightmares, sleep walking or completely not being able to sleep

Difficulty concentrating making decisions = Almost burning his compass, destroying part of the nether Bridge, less concentrating while mining

low self esteem = thinking to himself how he deserves the pain sometimes

You see my points of his Depression, he makes up ALL of those Points. His Depression came as easily at the start of his second exile.

PTSD

There are 4 Categories to diagnose PTSD

Exposed to actual or threatened Death, serious Injury

Psychological Stress (Flashback/Dreams)

Changes in Psychological Stability

Changes in Physical Ability

1. Exposure to actual or threatened Death.

There are three ways of getting the first one.

Directly experience a traumatic event

Witnessing in person a traumatic event

Learning of an traumatic event from a close friend/family member

The first one itself is the fighting and betrayal. The fighting for Lmanburg and the Duel with Dream on the Prime Path that took presumably his first two lives. The Betrayal of his close friends and ending in killing him. Mostly Eret in the start, with Dream switching sides again in the middle of the fight fo Lmanburg and Wilbur and Technoblade going against him. Wanting him to die.

Not only did Tommy witness one Death, the Death of his older Brother, Mentor Wilbur. No he also witnessed the Death of his big Role Model Jschlatt. Of course he wasn't big in the end. But he WAS a Big Figure in Tommy's Life. He saw both of them accuse and killing them completely. But the time he witnessed People getting killed and losing one of their hearts. He saw the death of his best friend Tubbo (his own execution). Also did Tommy witness Wilbur going insane and haunting him. Telling him he will never achieve him and betraying him in the end. And the teenager was there, when the nation blew up, he had to run to safety, for not being blown up.

Then he learns of his pets death, his close pets he loves. The third Criteria kinda.

2. Psychological Stress (Flashback/Dreams).

At least on of the 4 Categories have to be hit.

Unwanted Memories

Having Dreams Related to the Trauma

Psychological Distress when exposed to cues that remind you of the evebt

Psychological Reactions to those same cues

He stated as he talked to Ghostbur, that he can clearly remember when Tubbo got president and blew up the nation they FOUGHT for. Also was it shown, how he can remember every Bad thing clearly. And when Wilbur told Tommy how he never could be President, Tommy took it really bad. Wilbur meant how they would never listen to Tommy and just hold him for a joke. So he ultimately gave up his President role. Not only for his discs presumably.

Its canon that Tommy has nightmares of Wilbur going insane. He was alone with Wilbur. Exiled. Wilbur wanted to drag Tommy with him in insanity and Tommy did everything to not let that happen (and you guys have to think. Wilbur is canonically Tommys older Brother so he did already had an impact on Tommys life). He can't sleep or just sleep walks himself into the ocean. Every time going deeper and deeper. In the direction of L’manburg, also his ultimate Death.

To the last two points: Tommy, when he gave Lani, (Tubbos sister), a walk through Dream Smp, he said that the Pit in Pogtopia made him feel very uncomfortable, since the memories of getting beaten up by Technoblade, just after he killed Tubbo, were not old. Also, they forbid Rockets and TNT, since they were big part of killing or just destroying things he loved.

3. Changes in Psychological Stability.

There are 7 Points you have to fulfill, 2 of them are required and Tommy HAS 6 POINTS OF THEM

Briefly explained:

He blames mostly himself and others how things go wrong in the last time. Mostly Technoblade for placing the withers, triggering some big amounts of TNT. His friends for not visiting. Himself for not being perfect.

Thinking to himself how he couldn't be happy only with massive influence of others or talking to himself how he would do something that might make him happy.

He feels himself detached from everybody. Thinking how everybody could easily life on without him. So he detaches himself from talking TO PEOPLE. Stopping showing up anymore. Only after a while, he trusted himself, but with the time he does it slower.

His favorite hobbies not really being done anymore. As for saying he doesn't start to care for Primes anymore.

Telling himself how everybody is doing things out of pity for him. His lack in trust others in fear of being betrayed. That everybody is out against him.

His fear of being completely abandoned by the People he has left. His Anger for not coming to visit and just giving his gift or leaving him alone. Shame on being exiled by his best friend and the second time.

4. Changes in Physical Ability

The three points are (which upwards are already explained):

Problems with concentration = him not really able to think straight while mining

Problems with Sleep = Nightmares, sleep walking, not being really able to rest completely

Easy to Startle = startled with People surprisingly coming to his island without saying things. He gets more surprised and jumpy

(This is all seen by “The Film Theorists”, “Film Theory: The Spiderman 2 Mystery! Why Spiderman Lost his Powers!”)

He has many, way too many criteria for being so young. And he won't get any help. A way of getting better is having time to yourself. But Tommy is alone in Exile? Why is it just getting worse? Well, Tommy has time to himself. But he constantly gets watched over. He gets only worse through the manipulation of Dream.

Betrayal and Trust Issues

People are getting angry at Tommy for not trusting others. But what would have you done in his position. I mean nobody could have known about the Betrayal of Eret. So when that happened we were all in shock. When Dream switched sides to fight for Marburg, we were all shocked. When Wilbur was the Traitor and blew up L’manburg, we were also shocked. When Techno kind of told Tommy he should die and Placed Withers, we were shocked. When Tubbo exiled Tommy, nobody had expected that and everybody was shocked.

Now look at it from Tommys eyes.

Eret = A good friend, nice companion, trusted part of the rebellion. Betrayed them for seeing a better deal, leaving them to rot, while he had his castle.

Dream = Kind of older Brother, funny to be around and spends also time with him. Gives your already insane Brother Dynamite to explode the country you fought Tooth and Nail for and tosses you around like a doll.

Wilbur = Older Brother, Mentor, President, cool, awesome to be around, talented, someone who also spends time with you. kind of protects you from trouble. Goes insane, wants to drag you with him, explodes the country, betrays you for not having a thing he wants. Makes you doubt yourself

Technoblade = Also really talented. Big Brother. Teaches things like fighting. One of the best PVPers. Leaves you to rot and fight with the last bit, makes fun of you and not helping you, even if you are scared of small spaces.

Tubbo = The Person you did everything with, trusted with everything. You are like Brothers and no matter how many people against you, you are with each other. You make one thing for yourself and apparently you are selfish. You are alone now and he didn't come ones to visit once.

Everybody else = They find you annoying and only come to visit to make fun, look at him like he's a Zoo animal. but when something happens, then he is a hero apparently. And those pity gifts. Gifts saying he is on the lowest of the low, in need of “help”.

Help is right for you, but more like spending time with you when you're alone, and not being able to visit others. They act like they can visit him any time, because, hey look! He can't go anywhere anyways, so...

A Way of getting better is

Repairing the broken or damaged relationships = Talking and doing something with Tubbo, his best friend. Talking and making up with his brothers Techno and Wilbur. Spending time with his father. Just relaxing and letting him talk about his trauma.

Doing something he really wanted to do for some time = Finally getting his discs back, which were stolen and in constant danger, since its one of his most prized things

Letting him be his age = He is pretty young, but went to be a right hand man, made sacrifices, losing his lives for the country, his friends and other things. Letting him act his age, doing stupid things and not giving him consequences that would be given only people who are the worst kind. Letting him build his stuff with good arguments and letting him hang out. Not being Vice President maybe.

Putting himself over everything for once = Thats really a good discussable theme, but for my points, which I made with letting him be his age, it kind of stated it already. He wanted his discs after everything. The wars were won, L’manburg had its Freedom and its People safe. So he should have been allowed to do one thing for himself again. Burning Georges House is no excuse, but dude, thats easily reparable. The Trauma, Depression and PTSD that was given to this child not.

It also can fit in with Tubbo- Just sayin (Just some points have to be changed)

GIVE THOSE KIDS A BREAK

I got some of those things from other Posts!

127 notes · View notes

tundrainafrica · 3 years

Text

Title: Lovebug (8/12)

Summary:

“It might be a bug.”

“A bug?”

“Sometimes the developers of this application make mistakes. This is our first time meeting I’m sure so…Isn’t it a bit weird that we just met for the first time and it rings like this? And for two strangers to coincidentally ring each other’s alarms?“

Levi is the developer of the Love Alarm App and Hange is married to Zeke.

Link to cross-postings: AO3

Other Chapters: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Notes: Feedback is very much appreciated :D

Levi put a hard deadline for Wednesday

“Wednesday” he said it again because he couldn’t be too certain how he said it the first time. He was conscious if he were too stiff, it might almost seem awkward. If he were too relaxed, maybe the urgency wouldn’t get across.

The challenge was finding the balance and when his team nodded, their faces unchanging, he realized it had been an easy task. They had gone through that same pattern before, especially before a large-scale quality assurance test, a recalibration of the application.

And the one on Monday was much larger, covering not just fifty volunteers, maybe even hundreds. When it was Zeke’s own connections that had managed to get that many volunteers, they couldn’t afford to delay it.

Levi cleared his throat and continued. “All fixes should be completed by Wednesday. All QA and regression tests by Friday,” Levi added. “The large scale QA test will be happening on Monday. No negotiations. No chances of rescheduling. ”

Aside from the number of volunteers, that QA test should not be anything different. Nothing much changed except perhaps the fact that Levi was in a constant state of compartmentalizing. He was working partly with outsourced labor to complete the code and to make sure someone was testing their new application. He was also working with his own team to make sure they were still addressing issues and realising fixes for the love alarm.

He liked the busy-ness, the need to be constantly thinking about work. Sometimes though, there were more distracting prospects that forced their way into his limited brainspace. And for some reason, his brain space was so willing to accommodate it.

More specifically, to accommodate her. Well, he had no choice anyway. After all, it was her application. It was his brain child but by extension, it was her and Zeke’s property.

He was constantly in a state of stress and Hange’s presence only made things more stressful. But somehow, his brain demanded he forced that extra piece of information, that piece of responsibility, that piece of Hange somewhere in his brain.

Just like he couldn’t say no to Zeke and Hange, he couldn’t say no to the manifestations of his own mind.

She never gave him a chance to say no. After all, she liked working in his office. She had made herself at home on the desk next to him and everyday he was reminded of that extra compartment his brain had created just for him.

All he had to do was enter the room and enjoy the view of her hunched over her laptop like she always was.

First thing in the morning, she was there. After meetings and standups with his team, he would go back to his office like always, and she was there.

That time, all test devices were lined on the desk, the whiteboard that only that morning had been covered with scribbles was replaced with something a little more coherent.

“You’re testing?” Levi sat next to her, counting ten devices before deciding it would be a waste of time to count further. He looked back up at her.

Hange nodded. “You updated the build last Friday right?”

“Just some fixes,” Levi said. The fixes came slowly, with more data being added, with the algorithm being tested here and there. It was still far from perfect though. He scanned the whiteboard just to get an inkling of her own progress. “How many pseudo emails do you have?” He could have counted it himself but once again, he gave up after ten.

“Enough to test on this many devices,” Hange said.

He read them out loud, taking note of the checkmarks..

Wingsoffreedom123

Wingsoffreedom213

Wingsoffreedom231

Wingsoffreedom321

Wingsoffreedom312

Wingsoffreedom132

“Creative,” Levi commented.

“Look, I just need a bunch of emails that are easy to remember so might as well stick to the same combination,” Hange said. “ You get it, Humanity’s strongest?”

Levi cringed inwardly. He should really go around changing that name. “Do you actually use those emails?” He asked.

“Sometimes, when applying for free trials, when making more than one account in websites.” Hange said. “I like keeping my own consumption patterns not connected to ‘Hange Zoe,’ if you know what I mean.”

“At least you’re able to make use of those emails for testing.” Levi pulled his chair a little closer to her and looked over her shoulder. “Is it working better?”

“It rings,” Hange said. “The last five times I tested, they said I was happy.” She chose that moment to click ‘activate’ on the next alarm. As expected, it rang again, the words ‘happy” flashed in the middle of the screen with an ugly smiley face in Arial font right under it.

It was a blatantly horrible sign that maybe they had spent a little too much time on the back end. Front end and user interface could be fixed a little later anyway, Levi reminded himself. He brought out his own test device and pressed the activate button.

The word ‘happy’ flashed across the screen. “Looks like they fixed a lot of the kinks,” Levi said.

“Are you happy?” Hange asked.

Those types of questions were the ones that had him a little more self aware. He didn’t answer immediately, instead, he left his natural instincts speak for themselves. A smile threatened to creep up his lips overwhelming the small part of him that wanted to push it down into something more subtle.

“Levi, are you happy?” Hange pressed, a hint of a laugh in her voice.

He was. He couldn't tell exactly why. Overall, it had seemed much easier, to just let the smile climb up his face so he gave it facility, freedom to move.

And soon, he didn’t regret it. Maybe because his own smile had been the reason Hange’s eyes got bigger before her features softened into something comfortable within a few seconds.

Before Levi could appreciate them a little more, her eyes suddenly narrowed, as if studying him. He noted all of it in her expression, the triumph, the victory lap in her expression, and the sneer particularly evident in her eyes.

He didn’t want her to win that little game they had for themselves. So he turned back, allowing time for the smile to fall into something less embarrassing. “Well, if the application says I’m happy, maybe I am.” He stood up again, holding his laptop to his side. “I’m going out for a break.”

***

Summer was ending soon.

And for Levi, the end was usually accompanied by the relief that he wouldn’t have to brave public transportation under the sweltering heat while dealing with an office dress code.

Strangely, he also found himself a little melancholic as he noted that red leaves were starting to sprout more frequently among the branches. He considered it almost an obligation to take a walk twice or thrice a week, especially during those last few weeks.

He would sit on one of the benches by the garden. To save time, he would bring his laptop every single time and he would always allow himself short in-betweens to enjoy his surroundings after long minutes of staring at the screen.

Like always, the trees were above him and the flowers were in front of him. When he looked down, he even enjoyed the grass and the cobblestone lined paths.

“You take the same route every time.”

Levi looked up, an instinctive reaction to that very familiar, almost intimate voice. “You followed me?”

“What if I wanted to take a walk too?” Hange asked.

“You're welcome to take a walk. I’m just gonna do some work here before going back inside,” Levi said. He looked back at the screen in front of him, trying to find something to make progress with as he monitored the workflow tracker.

Nothing much had changed or was expected to change, his own staff was probably on lunch break. He trusted them enough to be certain they would get most of their work done by Wednesday. And consequently, he was left with nothing much else to do but maybe take a lunch break too.

Hange sat right next to him on the bench and Levi pulled away, far enough to put a good few inches between them. “You’re going out more often now,” Hange said.

“I noticed I’ve been spending too much time indoors. I never really got to enjoy summer for what it was. We only get it three months a year.”

Hange gave him a knowing look. “And you only noticed it now? After living in this city your whole life?” She asked. “You’ve lived here your whole life right?”

“Yeah,” Levi said.

Hange shrugged. “You just never struck me as the type to enjoy weather, or nature in general. Back in the golf course, back in the ocean, you didn’t look like you wanted to be there,” she noted.

“Maybe it’s a recent thing,” Levi said. He kept it vague, not wanting to probe any complex topics when he was grappling with more important complex things.

Hange though, was a black hole of knowledge, a bundle overflowing with curiosity. “What makes it pretty? Why do you like taking walks?”

“Do we have to have a reason?”

“Well ever since I started to work closely with you, I started to notice something too,” Hange said. “You seem happier.”

“Maybe because Zeke is always busy.”

Hange snorted. “You really hate him don’t you?” She leaned a little closer. “And aren’t you at all nervous admitting it to me?” An overly playful demeanor accompanied such intimidating words. It was more laughable than terrifying.

Levi shook his head, unfazed. “I trust you wouldn’t tell him.”

“I wouldn’t,” she admitted. “I don’t blame you though.” She only had to give him an almost pitied look for him to read her mind.

He articulated it for her. “I never really recovered from those two all-nighters cramming an application.” That had been more than three months ago but the memory still burned as a faint memory of excruciating exhaustion and an unpleasant caffeine buzz that took weeks to brush off.

“You managed to impress the hospital admin at least. And we got the funds,” Hange said.

Does that make Zeke any more of an insufferable person? He had hoped to ask that with the face he gave Hange then, one eyebrow raised. If it didn’t send the message, he could easily say it out loud. That one pleasantry Zeke afforded him though that day in front of the convenience store echoed in his head. Even just coming up with an insult sent a wave of guilt through him.

A wave of guilt I don’t need to feel. Levi reminded himself, willing to recall the other instances the blond had been abrasive. Zeke was either a master manipulator or misunderstood. He was a billionaire though, so Levi decided to err on the side of ‘manipulator.’

“The funds go to the company, to the outsourcing activities and to server space,” Levi corrected.

“Don’t you have company shares?” Hange asked.

“A stock option,” Levi clarified. “Something I chose not to take. I’d rather get my money as is. I don’t trust myself to grow something of that much value.” He kept his answers vague, since he never did read the contract closely anyway, it was Erwin who went through the benefits with him.

“Well everyone else in the company who runs on stock options seems to trust you. Zeke’s own investment is riding on your own ability to make a good product...” My PhD dreams are riding on your product. Hange didn’t say that last part out loud but Levi heard it loud and clear.

“Well this pseudo love alarm project, it’s still far from perfect.” For emphasis, he opened up the new project entitled ‘emotion alarm project’ on his dashboard and slipped the laptop screen over to Hange. “Thirty percent done. We barely fixed the interface, just getting the required testing and data done is taking up a lot of resources.”

“I know that and I expected it,” Hange said. “You know, a PhD sometimes takes decades to complete and I’m ready to take that much time.”

“I just wanna manage your expectations. Besides, something about the testing still bothers me.”

“What about it?”

“Remember the first night I made the application?” He stifled a wince at the painful memory. “It didn’t ring… until you came in.”

“Maybe it was a bug?” Hange suggested. “It shouldn’t be too much of an issue right? Since you made a lot of improvements after.”

“I did,” Levi said.

“And it never happened again with the later builds.”

“It doesn’t but it works too much like the love alarm. Do you notice, it always rings when we’re nearby?”

“When we’ve already loaded millions worth of data points. When we’ve overseen that much testing with other people. I don’t think you have to think too hard about it. We just keep improving the application right? Same as the love alarm,” Hange explained.

“Maybe I’m just being cynical. It doesn’t work once and I can never trust it again,” Levi muttered as he scrolled through the tasks for the next release for the upteenth time since a while ago.

“I guess that’s what happens when you’re the one who came up with the project. You can never trust your own abilities to develop?"

"Or because I worked on it, at three in the morning, I tested it. I know how many shortcuts I took with it…" Levi trailed off as he started to focus a little more on the numbers, the titles on the task trackers.

"You know they did the research, the testing, if it works for them, if they have a good success rate, then maybe it works for us too? Maybe the app is right, we're happy when we’re next to each other. Sometimes we’re sad when we’re next to each other and sometimes we're angry. If this application is detecting moods like this… similarly to the love alarm, maybe it means we could--- "

"Get along?" Levi finished it for her. There were only so many things that code could mean anyway.

"Get along.... Or to get to know each other more." Hange said, her voice softer than a second ago. The smile took longer to leave her lips.

Hange though had always been good at composing herself but Levi had months to figure out patterns and trends in the way she navigated the more sensitive topics. He couldn't help but notice the heavy tension, even under the light summer breeze.

Those moments happened too often that Levi had prepared an escape route every time. Business talk. And they had a lot to talk about. "Hange, I wanna ask something about the front end," Levi scrolled back up, towards the top of the task trackers. Dealing with front end was a mammoth task, rifed with two many sub tasks but it was definitely one of the last priorities, if it was even a priority. Levi wasn’t the type to particularly mind releasing an application with a white background and an interface that used the very underwhelming Arial font.

But it was Hange and Zeke’s application.

"Ask away," Hange said.

It came easily after that. The ticket on his workflow tracker had an inkling of a script to follow. "What colors would you associate with emotions?" He asked.

"What?" Hange furrowed her brows.

Levi cleared his throat. Nevermind, it wasn't easy to come up with the question without a little more expounding. "Like would you say red is anger? Blue is sadness? Yellow is happiness?"

"Wait? Why?" Hange asked again. Her lips were curled up just a little higher.

"I'm thinking of the front end of the application. What colors do you see for each emotion?"

"Yellow for happiness," Hange answered easily.

"Not orange?" Levi challenged. He had opened up the task and started to take notes.

"Orange is way too angry for me."

"Red seems much angrier," Levi said

"Red is anger definitely but I'm not seeing bright red, I'm seeing something like orange."

Levi opened up a color wheel. " So this red?" Levi asked.

"No, bright reddish orange," Hange corrected. It may have been a coincidence or just a trick of convenience but a red leaf had fallen on her lap at that moment. Hange picked it up, and twirled it and held it in front of Levi like a token.

“So... autumn red?” Levi asked.

Hange dropped the leaf on his lap. “I guess.” She raised her eyebrow. “Why are you staring at me like that?”

Was he giving her a strange look? His mind sometimes formed opinions as he spoke and Hange had always been receptive anyway so he verbalized it, just for her. “When I’m angry, I see red,” Levi admitted.

“I haven't felt really angry in a while, so I wouldn’t know,” Hange said. “Maybe it changed.”

“Sadness?” Levi asked.

Hange turned to him questioningly. “Tell me yours first.”

“Grey,” Levi said automatically.

“Blue,” Hange said, as if it were the truest fact in the world.

A fact Levi was compelled to question. “Why blue?”

“Why not blue?”

“Blue doesn’t seem sad….”

“Why not?” Hange pressed.

“It seems…” Levi started, only realizing seconds later, he was unable to come up with the right words.

“Too nice?” Hange suggested.

“It’s a nice color. It makes me feel good just looking at it.” It was a pathetic response. With such a complex thought, to even force out of his mouth, he had to channel his inner child, through the most child-like attempts at articulation.

“Okay, I know it doesn’t feel good to be sad but.. don’t you think sadness is a beautiful feeling?” Hange asked.

“No.” It should have been a natural answer. Somehow, Levi felt like there was something else worth listening to.

Hange saw reason to continue at least. “You wouldn’t be feeling sad, if you never felt happy in the first place, if you’ve never felt desire or love. There are feelings much worse than being sad for sure.”

“Like what?”

“Not feeling at all maybe?” Hange surmised. “So maybe the strongest feelings, whether good or bad, are still nice… maybe something worth indulging.”

And it was turning into a philosophy lesson. How many hours had he wasted listening to Hange prattle on about emotions and concepts of love? They weren’t hours wasted for sure, but they did leave him feeling just a little sad at times. Once again, he went back to business talk. Levi looked back at his workflow tracker. “So ‘blue sad, yellow happy, red angry…”

“Do you really think sadness is grey?” Hange asked.

Levi looked up from his laptop and straight towards Hange. "Look, I don't think much about what color my emotions are…” He trailed off. He could have said more maybe. Speaking while reflecting turned out to be a daunting task at that moment.

Maybe sadness was grey. That had seemed like the most natural conclusion at first. He focused for a little longer on the view in front of him, the view of Hange and behind her the open grounds that made way for blue sky and the blue burned into his eyes, enough to make him feel something in his chest then down to his stomach. Before he knew it, he started to entertain Hange’s own idea.

When Hange looked back at him, the open sky behind her, he felt stinging at the back of his eyes, he let his face fall.

The color overall had been burning at first. The more he stared, the more he noticed its more lasting qualities. It turned out blue wasn’t burning, it was subdued, mild. At the same time, the clear endless shade of blue in the sky behind her did wonders to accentuate her features. Enough of a reminder to leave another twinge in his chest, that time it was slightly painful.

A twinge of sadness. Emotions may be difficult to comprehend but whatever clarity that washed over him then had been enough of a motivator to speak up. “I think you’re right, sadness is blue,” he said. A beautiful blue.

He found himself searching for the prettiest shades on the color wheel, looking back up at the sky, then to the yellow streaks from the sun that hit the pavement. He then turned his head towards the garden where red roses grew. From a distance, from above, they were supposed to form a heart.

“Yeah, red and yellow too. Red hurts, it’s glaring, Sometimes yellow is too bright but all together, they make the garden beautiful. Like this courtyard,” Hange said. She stretched her legs out onto the stony path just in front of the bench and shifted her weight to the palms of her hands.

“Yeah, it is.” Levi nodded.

“It’s colorful,” Hange said. “Bright reds, bright greens, bright blues, bright yellows. They’ll all only be here together until the end of summer.” She wrapped her arms around herself, a wistful smile on her face.

“You like summer?” Levi asked. “It’s fucking hot.”

“I like summer and spring. What can I say? I like seasons with a lot more variety of color,” she answered. “ I always get a little sad when summer ends. Surprisingly though, I’m sadder than usual about this summer ending.”

“Why?”

Hange shrugged. “I can’t even explain it for myself. It’s ridiculous that I’m this sad about summer ending. I usually get like this when I’m out of the city but I haven’t even been out in the countryside in a while but somehow, I’m already imaging the larger, wider landscapes up north. I’m imagining how quickly the trees go bald… Green then red then blue. And how quickly skies turn from blue to just a constant gray and when the lakes just freeze over, turning from blue to a more of black… It’s sad to imagine.”

“I can imagine it,” Levi said. He didn’t leave the city often since there wasn’t much spare funds to work with. He was capable of empathizing though, after all the twinge of sadness remained and it had been surprisingly easy to channel it elsewhere.

“There are places up north that have the most beautiful springs and summers but when the leaves change… everything dies much more quickly.” Hange lowered her head.

“Maybe one day, I’ll check it out,” Levi said. He found himself picturing the logistics of a trip already. Having never used his leaves, having built up disposable income through a lack of drive to even form a life outside work, he realized he did have leeway to indulge just a bit. Somehow, Hange’s own thoughts were enough to inspire.

“You haven’t been up north?” Hange gaped.

“I didn’t have much money growing up and there’s no reason to.”

“I should take you up north. You know, the gardens up there, the rolling hillsides. They remind me of Pemberley,” Hange said.

“Pemberley?”

“Pemberley! Mister Darcy’s estate.”

Levi groaned inward. That book again.

“Elizabeth visited towards the end of the book and there are a bunch of old houses around there and when I would walk on the fields, I like to pretend I’m in the book.”

“Relive your rags to riches fantasy?” Levi asked bitterly.

Hange pouted. “It’s not just that. Besides, I wasn’t poor, you know. My parents managed to pay tuition to a good college with no debt.”

Not as rich as Zeke definitely. The banter might just get out of control so Levi went with a conservative digression. “Maybe I’ll go there one weekend, up north before summer really ends.”

“Maybe, I’ll take you there myself,” She said, an excited grin on her face. “Maybe after this weekend or next year if we’re too late. I told Zeke about how I was feeling lately, so for my birthday, he promised he’ll take me up north so we’re going this weekend.”

Levi choked. “Wait, birthday? When’s your birthday?” It turned out to be a burning question, a small fact Levi felt obligated to know. So the answer couldn’t have come any slower.

When Hange opened her mouth ready to speak, the universe decided for them that it definitely could come a little later. His phone rang, breaking that brief silence, prolonging the painful anticipation.

Petra Ral. For some reason, he expected the worst when any of his subordinates called. He answered the phone. “Petra, is everything okay?”

“Sorry about calling. I tried texting you but you weren’t replying.” Petra went straight to the point soon after that. “Some of the members of the other project offered to help out with testing. Do we have enough phones?”

They did have enough test devices, the pile on Hange’s desk was enough proof of that. “Yes we do,” Levi said. They were all in his office. He turned to Hange questioningly. It was her blank face that reminded him, they’d have to look through the phones themselves to see what devices they could wipe.

“I’ll meet you by the office,” Levi said. “Hange and I are going back now.”

He hung up the phone and turned to Hange. “Petra is gonna borrow some of the test devices. You’re okay with that?”

“Sure, I’ll help you wipe them,” Hange said. “Are we going back now?” She seemed hesitant, a closer look and Levi could see a hint of disappointment.

He closed his laptop. “We have to get back to work right?”

“You never even stopped working,” Hange accused.

“I stopped long enough to listen to you ramble on about that damned book and your nice vacations.”

Hange walked on, seeming deep in thought. “Hey Levi… What do you think of Petra?” It was an abrupt digression.

“What about Petra?”

“Have you ever considered dating her?”

Levi stifled a choke, letting it out as a peaceful clearing of the throat. “Why are you asking that?”

Hange shrugged, as she walked ahead. . “Nothing, she seems like a nice person and she seems to like you… Besides, she rings your alarm.” She looked back at him, a playful grin on her face.

Levi sighed. That wasn’t a question he would have liked to broach.

“Well?” Hange pressed.

But maybe he could give some vague answer in exchange for some information. “I’ll tell you. If you tell me something."

"Tell you what?"

"What are your plans for your birthday?”

***

Levi was tricked, treated, bamboozled. Hange had a way with words, a way of just pushing the right buttons. It could have been that or it could have been a series of convenient circumstances and conversation topics that had Levi there, at the front of the mall after work with Petra right next to him.

On the bright side, he had Hange’s birthdate, her plans for that Friday all the way until the weekend. That was enough to satisfy his own curiosity. Over time though he realized, that was all it did.

Was it worth it?

Back when he and Hange had been discussing it, it seemed like a good exchange, she satisfied his curiosity, he satisfied hers. Hange had given her due information. In exchange, she received information on Petra, the long QAs, her alarm ringing, the amount of effort Petra put into her job and just the occasional present that made their way to his desk.

While Hange’s own information went so far as to give the name of the restaurant, the time and the route of their roadtrip, Levi’s own information evolved into something else. Before he even knew it, Hange had created a new agenda of her own.

Your love alarm would ring with Petra right?

It did. Of course, in front of the mall, surrounded by other people wasn’t the best place to test it. There was no reason to either. Ever since Petra joined them more than a year back, the love alarm had always rang and Petra had enough professionalism, enough of a handle on her own feelings to mark it as ‘accurate.’

Admirable? Definitely. Date worthy? Did he ever consider dating her long enough to deem her date worthy? ‘Maybe not’ to both questions.

Have you ever considered dating Petra? Hange brought up that question during their conversation and Levi felt almost guilty for the straight up ‘no,’ and the shallow ‘she’s too young for my taste’ reason.

She could have been too young. Still, Hange seemed more like a counselor for that exchange and she made some good points.

Assuming the love alarm didn’t have a bug, and the reading was accurate… Hange first set her premise.

The premise could have been accurate. No, it definitely was. Petra’s own approach towards him only served to extinguish any doubts.

Levi and Petra settled for an early dinner at some restaurant towards the end of the mall. Not for the food, nor for the pricing but for the convenience of being able to sit down after the twenty minute walk and a long day up on their feet back in the office.

And Petra had been excited to sit down in front of him. She rushed ahead and slipped into the booth, even before Levi had slipped himself into the small gap between table and chair. He allowed himself enough focus to scan through the menu and digest the names of the dishes at least. He hadn't bothered to even spare a good look at the board outside nor what the hell the other customers were eating and thus, he was excruciatingly slow.

On top of that, he was exhausted from a day of work and most days, he wouldn’t have bothered to go on a date, not with a colleague at that.

It’s not a date. Levi reminded himself. He shouldn’t be dating subordinates. That was another source of stress at that moment.

A few times Levi looked up at the menu, making some ingenious excuse about how he couldn’t decide and how he needed some blank space to help clear his mind before he tried to decide again. Every single time he looked up, he had to internally make an excuse because Petra was staring right at him.

“Have you decided what you want to get?” Petra asked, her voice was a song. She propped her elbows on the table, a rude gesture in most places. She managed to subdue rudeness by propping her chin on top, a look of seemingly genuine interest in her face.

Seemingly. Who the hell was he kidding, she probably was genuine about it. If it wasn’t his own instinct that could be relied on, he could at least trust the love alarm that had rung with no fail since she joined the company in the first place.

“I’ll get the fried chicken meal.” Levi didn’t particularly like fried chicken. He had been a little too self conscious of how long he had stared at her and back at the menu, how long the awkward silence between them lasted and he soon realized, he had to order quickly, even if he didn’t know yet what else he was missing.

“You wanna get tea? We could share a pot,” Petra suggested as she put down her own menu.

Levi could have finished a pot on his own. He wasn’t telling her that though, especially not right after too many close encounters with what could have been inappropriate. “Sure.” Levi nodded a little faster, hoping that was enough to feign excitement.

The waiter came and went with the menus on hand and Petra started to ask questions, questions that were invasive enough that Levi had a hard time thinking two things at once.

They weren’t too personal. In fact, they weren’t about him anyway. Levi started to figure that for himself when he got his bearings. “What about Hange?” Levi asked. He was stalling, finding ways to untangle his hairball of thoughts.

“You were asking me right? About any advice on what to give Hange for her birthday?” Petra asked.

“Yes, I did.” Why did he forget?

Assuming the love alarm didn’t have a bug, and the reading was accurate, that means this ‘love’ between me and Zeke is one sided.

“Well, we could check out a few shops nearby. You could buy her something that could help her with organization. Diaries, bookmarks, pencil cases, wallets…” The list went on and the contents had started to become unbearably boring. Really, would Hange have enjoyed those?

But I don’t think it’s one sided. Love is a choice right? I can choose to love him. So if you and Petra---

Me and Petra. There were too many things wrong with it, a boss and a direct report, a conflict of interest.

But she seems genuine. She seems like a good person. And maybe she could be worth pursuing.

She’s my direct report. He argued then.

But if you decide to pursue a relationship, you can always just reshuffle, right?

Petra continued to talk. “Does she like tea? We could give her a tea bag. The one I bought you last Christmas… it took me months to find it…” She brought out her phone and started to scroll, seeming too deep in thought. She furrowed her brows and bit her lip, as if the extra effort hurt..

An unnecessarily vigorous effort over a simple request from him. Guilt was an unwelcome feeling but it was also incredibly tenacious, like a cockroach. His mind was becoming more receptive to painful speculation as he watched Petra grapple over her choices, and he wasn’t at all being helpful.

Guilt was the rising action. Then everything fell into place soon after, not into place, more like a chaotic order, like a ton of bricks.

And that order made his feelings more intelligible.

He didn’t want to be in a relationship with Petra. That was all there is to it.

Love is a choice right? A tiny glimmer of protest made itself known in the silence. Those were words from Hange, echoed multiple times before in an exact tone and manner only Hange could ever pull off.

Can I choose to love Petra? Levi asked himself then.

Petra was a nice girl. She was helpful. She worked hard. She was competent. More importantly, she was single and she wasn’t married to his very rich client.

Most importantly though, in the grand scheme of all his experiences and emotions, Levi had to point out to himself, she wasn’t Hange.

Why don’t you give her a chance? Hange had asked that then. She goaded him, nudged him and pushed him out of his own office, to follow after Petra had left the office with the devices.

It's frowned upon, boss colleague relationship. Levi had argued.

Something tells me she likes you. Hange continued, as if she never heard of the unspoken taboos of office relationships. Maybe she hadn’t.

Besides, I noticed… You know, you look a lot happier. How that had ended up the conclusion of their conversation, Levi couldn't exactly tell. He remembered looking up at Hange, to hell with how far down his jaw dropped or how wide his eyes were. There was just something special about Hange pointing out something and how quickly something could easily become a certain reality when someone just verbalized it.

Maybe he was happier, maybe he started to appreciate nature a lot more. Maybe he had started to see more color the past few months.

His own recall of Hange, his own thoughts that flew back to her had him perceptive of the variety on his plate, the decorations on the shop for just a split second and when he looked up to Petra, a part of him was at the least attempting to appreciate.

Petra was a redhead, her hair fell in a neat bob that barely brushed her shoulders. Red was a nice color on hair, and Levi only noticed it then. He stared for a while longer, trying to find something to feel, something to think beyond ‘nice.’

Petra’s eyes shot up and she met his gaze. “This is it!”

“What?” Levi asked, almost instinctively. He felt a tad self conscious analyzing the shade of someone’s hair.

“I found the tea, the one I gave you last Christmas. You really liked it right?” Petra asked.

“The Jasmine Pearls?” He did remember the tea then he remembered telling her he really did enjoy it. A part of him had maybe forgotten for a split second that it was Petra who gave it so the question had shaken him more than necessary.

“I was only able to get it from a shipment last time. I had to book three months to get it. But they’re on sale now and---”

“She might prefer coffee though...” Levi said. His own intention had been to find the perfect present, but he ended up feeling guilty as soon as he saw Petra’s reaction.

Her face fell. She turned back to her phone for just a second before fixing her eyes back to his. She took a deep breath. “I’m sorry for that, I can’t believe I got so excited.” A blush crept up her face.

“No. Don’t think about it like that.” Levi attempted to maintain at least a ghost of a laugh in his tone. The last thing he wanted to do was keep Petra unnecessarily uncomfortable, especially after everything that had happened until that moment.

The air was heavy and he wondered if she noticed it too. She was probably too preoccupied with her own self proclaimed mistakes, very evident by the beet red of her face.

“Let’s go around first. We might come up with something better if we ask around the shops,” Levi suggested. It had been more to comfort her than anything else. The suggestions of a while ago, the list of items had only served to make Levi think a little deeper about it, to the point of acceptance.

Even before they had finished their food, Levi had already concluded for himself, whatever he gave Hange, whether it be a wallet, tea, a small trinket, Zeke had probably come up with a more expensive version, something he probably would have never considered buying himself.

Levi didn’t leave though. Soon after they finished eating, he still accompanied Petra to every shop. He made a facade for himself, a window shopper buying a birthday gift for a good friend, he asked enough questions to engage Petra, everything ending with the conclusion, “I’ll think about it.”

Overtime, he realized he wasn’t thinking too much of what was in front of him. His mind was elsewhere.

Besides, I noticed… You know, you look a lot happier. Hange was smiling when she said it, but the smile didn’t curl the same way the others did. She crinkled her eyes as she spoke but Levi could almost point out the sadness in them.

And he saw it every time he recalled that. What does that have to do with dating Petra?

I like seeing you happy and I think if you found someone to love, maybe you’ll stay like this much longer.

Like what?

More pleasant? Smiling more often? Appreciating stuff outside work?

Hange talked for longer after that but that had worked to motivate him to invite Petra out to get to know her, to ask for advice for a gift for Hange. Somehow, a part of him wanted to take Hange’s advice, stay ‘happy’ so in his own way, he could prove her right and maybe by extension, make her happy too.

But was entertaining a relationship with Petra the right way?

The question burned for longer. Even after they exhausted all the shops and all the ideas that came with it. It was around eight in the evening when they stood by the train station under the mall, exchanging goodbyes. “Make sure to get home safe.” A part of him had considered taking her home. Their trains went in completely opposite directions though.

“Will do,” Petra said.

“We have a long day ahead tomorrow.” They always had a long day ahead but at that point, Levi was foraging for something a boss would say.

“Yeah, I'll make sure to get the testing done tomorrow," Petra said. "What happened today, it definitely gave me the motivation. I had a lot of fun.”

“Me too.” His response was automatic, something he didn’t want to think too much of.

They separated soon after and when Levi boarded the train home, he entertained the question again.

Was entertaining a relationship with Petra the right way to be happy?

I think entertaining love is an opportunity to be happy at least. Hange argued. You don’t have to jump into it but I think building a relationship with someone teaches you a lot and love, it makes life colorful.

Colorful? The trains were grey, the suits of all the passengers were shades of black, grey and the occasional blue. An almost alarming transformation from the gardens, after long days of working with Hange.

A copy of the emotions alarm was downloaded onto his phone and in the silence of the long ride home, he opened it again. He clicked ‘activate,’ the application loaded, no emotion was detected.

It was a fun night right? Levi concluded, there really was some more to improve on in the application. With the amount of testing done, and the amount of data loaded, he also had to entertain the idea that maybe it wasn’t an issue with the application.

Maybe it was his own issue with appreciating, with being open to love. “That’s what you were saying, right Hange?” He whispered to himself. A second later, he thought maybe he had said it loud enough to sound like an idiot.

Before nervousness and overthinking could take over again, he willed himself to mull over Hange’s words like always.

Love is a choice and just be open to it. Even if he didn’t believe it for himself.

***

It turned out, Erwin also knew about Hange’s birthday. And he suggested a basket of fruit as a gift.

Levi had been a little surprised. For one, maintaining partner and customer relations was never part of his job so how the hell was he to know that baskets of fruits and cakes were customary.

And secondly, he was just a little indignant. Erwin was his boss though so he couldn’t tell him that. He complied before going back to his office and booting up his laptop. It felt odd.

The laptop pinged with a characteristic echo and it was much louder in the silence, the almost deafening silence. After all, most days, Hange would have been there to chatter his ear off about her own experience testing.

That day, she had taken the day off. A birthday leave. Just for herself. She took September four and September five off. The fourth was to prepare for the long trip. Then on the fifth, she had dinner with Zeke, in an Italian restaurant on the first floor of a luxury hotel near the city center.

He knew the details, he knew the name. But it has nothing to do with you. He constantly reminded himself, it was only on a good to know basis. Still, he entertained the idea that maybe he could stop by the city center on the train on the way home, just for the modicum of a probability that he did run into them. It was not like he had anything else to do on a Friday night anyway.

But you can think about that tomorrow. Levi scolded himself. Somehow, Hange not being there was making it more difficult to focus. After all, she had been there, every single day before.

Also, how could he entertain multiple other ideas about Hange’s birthday when he didn’t even have a present for her? He had managed to put off Petra’s suggestions lightly, by some distraction from work. He had managed to make a good excuse of the fruit basket, saying that it was better to give a gift as a company.

Really, it had been his own insecurity stopping from putting any money into anything. Zeke could buy Hange a billion wallets, a billion tea bags, a billion fruits basket if it suited him. Then it begged the question for Levi, what could he give that Zeke couldn’t?

The emotion alarm. The answer didn’t come quickly. It came after staring at the desktop screen for long enough to lose grip on the time but after a long moment of doing nothing, Levi eventually brought out a test device and opened the server.

There were three basic emotions. Anger, Sadness and Happieness. Those were the three Hange put into her plan. They were to create the application, test it among patients and study it to see how it could help with more accurate prognosis.

And if he went the extra mile, maybe he could just give it as a late birthday surprise. Or maybe he might end up never finishing it. At least I’d try. That last thought lingered for a second longer and it did its part to send a burst of confidence through him.

He looked through his workflow tracker. No assigned bugs to look into. So he opened a new document, pulled out a paper.

“Hange Zoe, you wanted to test emotions right?” He asked no one in particular. When he was asking questions out loud, ideas ended up flowing much faster. He pulled out a small paper from the post-it stack at the corner of his desk.

“What if we connect it to the web, make a dashboard to display reports, so maybe psychologists have something to look at after testing?” He could have said it out loud. Maybe he didn’t. He had said it loud enough in his head at least to keep his gears moving. “What if we find a way to quantify it?” That last part was ambitious. It would need Hange’s input for sure so he grappled with two ideas, surprising Hange and just suggesting it like a developer.

His ideas were risks, born of long hours of googling enough to maybe bullshit years of studying psychology. Maybe Hange wouldn’t agree, maybe she would. He copied the necessary code from the alarm anyway and decided to just play around with it.

It was a birthday present only he could give anyway.

Another idea popped into his head after an hour more of googling, a much more doable idea. Even before he made sense of it, he pulled another post-it from the side and wrote out the three emotions. Underneath them, he wrote the colors. Red. Blue. Yellow.

Yellow and red became orange. Red and blue became purple. Yellow and blue became green.

He wasn’t a psychologist, he wasn’t a philosopher. He was merely a developer. He was an experienced one at that and with the right amount of free time and the right amount of motivation, he managed at least to pull out a framework and recall the color of the leaf on Hange’s lap.

Red. Yellow. Blue. Orange. Green. Purple. He had enough time to work on some front end tasks that day.

***

He finished it on Friday, the fifth of September, at around noon and maybe he had done a few hours of overtime to get it done, arriving home at midnight just the night before.

It wasn’t perfect but the colors showed up as a big dot under the emotion, and the application would flash in bright shades of red, yellow, blue, orange, green and purple, the latter three a mix of the basic emotions.

It had been a small act of just manipulating the data, loading Hange’s USB full of data to get it to work. Whether it would be accurate, he couldn’t tell but it would be something good to bring up on Monday maybe, a risky birthday present but still, a little risk seemed better than omission when it came to Hange.

The last few parts were a little tests on his end, while testing in between, while signing off necessary decisions for the testing on Monday.

The testing never worked, no emotions flashed onto the screen the few times he tested and every single time, he reminded himself, it wasn’t perfect but maybe Hange would still appreciate it.

By five, he was out, right on time and with his own personal project completed and downloaded into his phone, his workflow tracker empty, and everything ready for the large scale QA event on Monday and he thought himself a little deserving of a little stroll at the city center on a Friday night.

At around thirty minutes past five, he boarded the train, the same route home, stopping five stops shy of his usual stop.

The station at the city center on a Friday night was bustling. It had taken him a good one minute to even push himself out of the train. He only ever managed to get a glimpse of the shops, the city lights beyond the crowds not when he stepped out of the station, but a few blocks after that when for a good few minutes the crowds dissipated into something a little more breathable.

The luxury hotel Hange had mentioned was one, if not the best one in the city and Levi easily picked it out as he stood towards one of the less saturated parts of the crosswalk. It was a skyscraper, the windows were of the modern kind that reflected city lights in a unique way and they covered the building from top to bottom. And even from just his peripherals, he could pick the building out by the strange iridescent flashes of color.

The view was very much worth the price and Levi only had to walk ahead, catch it as a small glimmer behind buildings and crowds to know he was going the right direction, despite having to ride through the crowds.

He arrived at the block, the building only a few feet away, close enough that he had to strain his neck to get a glance of the skyscraper at the top. He looked back down at his phone.

6:30. Hange said they had a reservation for seven. He wondered why he was putting himself through that torture. Would he even get to talk to her? Eventually he realized, might as well make use of that information just to satisfy his curiosity again.

The restaurant was a small place, with glass windows, and if Levi stared long enough he could make out every single face there. For a Friday, it was still empty and he was able to conclude without much of a long glance that Hange wasn’t there.

So he took a good long stroll around the block. He entered leather shops, boutiques that sold branded clothing, staying long enough that the salesman had thought he would have bought.

Thirty minutes passed with a few bumps along the way. Sometimes minutes lasted years, sometimes they lasted split seconds but the bumpy wait was long enough for him to realize that he was doing something completely stupid.

It was Hange's birthday. That was Hange and Zeke's night. All he could give her that day was a greeting, and maybe a basket of fruits, care of Erwin.

So he planned a birthday message, saving it in the drafts. He didn’t have to give her the modified birthday application as a present. He could always prepare a script to pitch his suggested changes for the application on Monday. Disappointment and surrender had him lethargic and for a while after exiting the last store, Levi leaned back on some free brick wall where the space was for rent, a good distance away from the sea of people but still close enough that if he just stretched out his arm, he might just get dragged in.

He leaned back and stared, allowing himself that bout of reprieve as he watched the crowds go by. Crowds of people weren’t anything new, he dealt with those everyday trying to squeeze into the trains during rush hour every morning.

Crowds on a Friday, in the center of the city weren’t something he was completely used to though. He hated crowds and he always strategically timed his personal shopping trips to late afternoons on weekdays, particularly when it was much easier to maintain a comfortable distance from strangers.

When he was observing, time went by at a sluggish pace. For a while, Levi was hypnotized by the strange cadence that accompanied the view. The longer he stared, the more perceptive he became. There was a very big difference between crowds on a weekday during rush hour and crowds on a Friday night moving through a shopping district.

When he was close enough, he immediately picked it out, like a very small diamond in a sea of coal, invisible at first but from the right angle, it suddenly became crystal clear. Crowds in rush hour comprised hard, focused individuals. They were like streams: movements were loud, hard wired towards one direction.

Crowds on a Friday night were more like a river, they were moving but only barely, very subtly. Of course they would, the faces were relaxed, the people were rarely alone. Some clusters in the crowds came as one family, others came in groups of friends and others came in couples.

The more faces Levi scanned, the heavier he became. It dawned on him soon after he was alone in crowd of people and he was fucking lonely. For a second he considered testing his application, he decided soon after that he probably didn’t want a bunch of code rubbing his own loneliness and singleness in his face. For another second, he almost considered inviting Petra over.

Shaking both temporal thoughts away, Levi turned the corner and back to the main road, making some excuse that the main road which passed the five star hotel was the closest way back to the station. It was a valid conclusion at least, the main road was wide enough, and the shops were few and far in between that social distancing wasn’t too big of an issue.

There was another conclusion Levi liked to entertain though. He checked his watch. 7:30.

Hange had said before, the reservation was at seven. He dove into a crowd, while catching a glimpse of the restaurant to the window. Hange was surprisingly easy to spot, maybe because Levi had first swept through the seats on the corner with his vision. He spotted the brown hair, the glasses and a dark purple cocktail dress. Notably, there was no blond companion in front of her.

Zeke was in the toilet, his rational mind justified. “Have fun, Hange,” Levi said. At least he got to see her on her birthday, he allowed himself a passing thought on how well she had dressed up that night, similar to months ago when he had completed the test app. Then he brushed that thought away, looked straight ahead. He stayed with the sea of people, long enough to pass the hotel and as soon as he was a good distance away, he broke away, taking the underground path to the station.

It was still early and the station entrance was surprisingly more peaceful than above ground. He had enough space to open up his phone and check the birthday greeting in his drafts box.

Happy birthday Hange! Excited to continue working with you. See you on Monday for app testing. Btw, thanks for volunteering for the calibration on Monday.

He evaluated for himself that the text was a good balance between casual and professional. Satisfied, Levi clicked send and pocketed his phone as he made his way to the ticket gate.

The next time he opened his phone was in the train, three train stops in when he was lucky enough to catch an empty seat.

Thanks, Levi :)

It was too short of a message for Levi to read through and he was almost disappointed at such a turn out.

What did you expect, an ‘I love you?’ The tremble in his lips was enough evidence, that maybe a part of him did, as embarrassing, as ridiculous of a prospect as it was. He hovered his thumb over the keyboard, letting the weight of the incomprehensible emotions pass before he typed.

See you on Monday. That’s what he had wanted to type, just to keep the conversation going. Hange was still typing though.

Levi was staring at the bubbles above the message box for a good long few minutes. Minutes, it definitely took minutes. Hange was typing long enough for a station to announce a next stop, enough for the train to empty at that stop, enough for it to refill and enough for the conductor to announce the next stop,

The text eventually came. Where are you right now?

How the hell had that taken minutes to write, Levi didn’t know. He wasn’t eager to reciprocate though.

He replied within a few seconds. Why?

Hange took a little longer to reply. The bubble on the screen continued to bounce as Hange Zoe continued to type.

Nothing much. I was just curious. It had taken almost another train stop for Hange to type those six words.

A split second later, another message appeared underneath. Sorry for bothering you. So Hange wasn’t just a slow typer.

It was still eight in the evening, too early that for most, the night hadn’t even started. So Levi took a risk. He left the train at the next stop, boarded the other train that ran through that same line, the train that would bring him back to the city center.

Hange, you okay? He texted.

Hange didn’t reply. There was no bouncing of bubbles above the message box, but he continued to stare, just in case. And that little motion on the screen was a fickle thing.

Sometimes it appeared, sometimes it didn’t.

Hange Zoe is typing.... And sometimes, he stared at it for long enough that it seared into his vision even a minute after it was long gone from the screen.

She never did type anything and maybe he had waited too long for a response. By the time he arrived at the right station again, he tapped his card and exited the ticket gate and ran through the underground. When he reached above ground, he tried to maintain the same speed. That involved pushing through crowds and being a small man, he realized it wasn’t too much of a bother to anyone. After all, with the amount of people huddled in the crowds under the cool air of late summer, he wasn’t the only one pushing.

He didn’t have time to check his phone. And soon, he realized he didn’t need to. He arrived back at the hotel to find Hange hunched over, unmoving in the same seat she had been just a few hours back.

Zeke is in the toilet. Levi told himself. He waited a minute, then another. And when he looked closely, he realized, Hange was on her phone. He opened his phone to see the bubbles bounce again.

Hange Zoe is typing…

Levi was counting minutes, and the bubble never disappeared. He looked back up at the glass door to see Hange was still not moving, still slouched, her head bent over. To the phone on her lap maybe?

He looked back at his phone and concluded then, Hange had been typing for ten minutes.

Maybe Zeke is taking a shit. He set an alarm for ten minutes. The hotel and restaurant bathroom wouldn’t be too far. And no one took a shit for more than twenty minutes right? If Zeke didn’t come back in ten minutes, maybe that meant she was alone.

Ten minutes went by quickly. And a few times Hange had typed, a few times she had laid her phone on the table and leaned back on the chair. A waiter had offered wine once and Hange shook her head.

It would be rude to barge in but at the same time, there were answers he was desperate to get. He sent a message. Are you alone?

The typing stopped for a second. Then it continued for a minute. Then it stopped. Finally, like the sunshine after the rain, a chat bubble appeared and Levi savored the sound for a split second before he took in the contents.

Just one word. Yeah

Where’s Zeke?

He’s not coming tonight.

Levi leaned on the wall just next to the window and typed one message. You need someone there with you?

A few times he glanced back to see a waiter near her, handing Hange a small tray. The bill? He guessed. Hange should be going out soon but she continued to sit, for a few seconds longer.

Her reply came within those few seconds. I don’t wanna be alone tonight.

Levi leaned back on the wall and he closed his eyes. He took a deep breath, grappling with the conflict. Should he be happy? Sad?

His phone continued to buzz. Hange had left messages in succession.

Can I stop by?

I know a lot of places won’t be open.

We can get fast food.

Somewhere near your place maybe?

Anywhere that would be convenient for you.

Only if you’re not busy though.

Don’t feel obliged.

A string of messages, longer than he expected.

Exit the shop. Turn right and follow the sidewalk. Don’t cross the street. He was shit at the directions, but he decided for himself, she would ask anyway if she got lost.

It turned out, at the least, the directions sufficed. Soon he was hearing the clack of leather shoes, the rustle of a light autumn coat and Hange’s voice.

“What are you doing here?” Her voice was loud and clear even when it was competing with the sea of crowds, the other background conversations, the ads and the sound of traffic. Of course it would be, she was right next to him.

“Are you okay?” Levi asked. It wasn’t the best greeting but it felt like the most natural thing to say.

After all, Hange was smiling but it was an unusual smile. It was one of those smiles that seemed to be carrying a heavy weight. He figured it out after staring for a while longer. it was the weight of her cheeks, the prickling of her eyes. If she let the smile go, maybe everything would have fallen with it.

He gripped her by the hand. “You wanna go somewhere?”

“Let’s get out of here,” Hange said, a noticeable crack in her voice.

Maybe that had been enough to break the fragile smile on her face. In the crowds of people, in the middle of a busy street, there was no time for Levi to check. He thought it the best move to pull and maybe she thought it the best move to follow. She was obedient, predictable and light and he easily brought her farther from the center, towards the quieter parts of the city.

Five minutes of brisk walking, or maybe it was ten and soon, they reached an area with clusters of apartment buildings, residences. There were still small shops, a few restaurants and hole in the wall food stalls, some with lines spilling out all the way until the sidewalk.

At first, it seemed hopeless to find some place just for both of them. With time, Levi started to imagine one particular place that wouldn’t have so many people that late at night.

It should be bedtime for kids already anyway. He thought to himself. And when he articulated it, he was sure, there should be one. And there should be no people.

He just had to find one.

Five more minutes of following the winding roads between apartment buildings and he found one, a comfortable distance away from apartments. They could easily manage a soft conversation with no risk of being heard. He sat back on the swing, taking in the slide, the sandbox a few feet away, the monkey bars and high rise apartment buildings with most windows already illuminated just above them.

Hange had taken the seat beside him.

“Are you okay?” Levi asked again.

“I’m fine,” Hange spat out, only proving she was definitely not fine. There was enough light from the one street light on the corner, the shades of orange, red and white coming from the window and they had all worked together to show a glimmer of Hange’s face, even with her head bent down.

“Are you crying?”

The answer came in heaved breaths. The question must have made her more conscious. She bent down further on the swing. Her bangs covered her face and whatever glimmer he had seen a while ago was forgotten. Eventually, she gathered herself. “Levi, if you ask people why they’re crying, sometimes they just start crying.” She let out another breath.

That didn’t convince him to stop. “Why are you crying?”

“You don’t ask people that.” That time, the words came out a little more seamlessly.

“You asked me if I was crying back then… Back in the office.” Levi never forgot that harrowing experience and it was an easy memory to bring up.

There was silence for a second, save for a few more ragged breaths, the creak of the swing and maybe a few barking dogs from the distance.

Hange broke it herself, her voice much clearer than a while ago. “Sorry, I’m just tired,” she said. “Really tired.”

“Zeke ditched?” Maybe ditch wasn’t the right term. By the time he considered that, the words were long gone from his mouth.

“I knew he wasn’t coming,” Hange said. She pushed on the swing just a little bit, enough to have her swaying.

“Why did you wait?”

“We had a reservation.”

“But if he told you…”

“He told me to cancel it.”

“And your road trip?”

“He said not this weekend. He has a few more meetings and he couldn’t come home on time.” Hange’s voice was alarmingly serious, a sign of acceptance maybe?

Levi hoped not. In a feeble attempt to lighten the mood, he spoke up. “Happy Birthday.”

“I’d rather not think it’s my birthday.” Hange let out a pitiful excuse of a laugh. “How many birthdays do people even get, and here I am wasting one of them being sad.”

“I’m not the best company but I can try to do my part to help make it better,” Levi pulled out his phone and opened his email, opening the apk file he had been working on since that morning. He copied the download link and pasted it on Hange’s message box.

The message was sent quickly and the popping sound from Hange’s phone filled the silence of the empty playground.

“Happy birthday,” Levi said once again with a little more flourish.

“I told you, don’t remind me. Let’s just sit here and talk.” Hange gripped the chains of the swing and leaned back.

“Check your damn phone Hange.”

“Nah… My phone has been chocked full of disappointments since this morning.”

“I sent you your birthday gift through your phone.”

“It can wait until later,” Hange argued.

She was like a five year old child and Levi was starting to give up on even keeping the surprise.“I modified the app,” he said.

“What?” That had gotten Hange’s attention. She pulled out her phone.

“I created another copy of it, played around with the code.”

“Why?” She seemed curious more than anything. Curious was better than sad at least.

“As a birthday gift,” Levi said. “Just open the damn phone.”

Hange picked it up from her lap. A clicking sound as she unlocked the phone then silence and maybe a hint of humming as Hange fiddled with her phone. “I just download it right?”

“No shit Sherlock.” It was a stupid question. Hange had downloaded apk files more times than he could even count.

“Well, you said it’s a new app,” Hange said in defense.

“It is and it isn’t.” Levi moved his head, and it settled as a mix between a shake and a nod. “It’s not part of the original research plan… and I didn’t have much time to test it so it’s not perfect.” He unlocked his own phone and opened the emotions alarm. He stared at it for a second, hovering his thumb over the activate button then he looked over at Hange’s phone. “No need for an email. Just open it.”

“Nothing’s changed,” Hange said.

“Well, I added colors now,” Levi shrugged. “And I tried adding more emotions by playing around with the data, but who knows if they’ll show up.” At that point, he was self conscious enough that he saw it as an obligation enough to manage expectations.

He heard the familiar sound and he was sure Hange had activated it. He activated his own and leaned back on the swing and pushed just a little bit, enough to occupy himself while the alarm read them both.

Hange’s phone rang first.

“What did you get?”

“You added purple?” Hange asked. “What the hell does this mean?”

“Red and blue. So if red is anger and blue is sadness…” Levi started.

“Go on…” Hange said.

“I’m not a philosopher nor a psychologist. You say something.”

“Loathing?” She suggested. “A combination of anger and sadness… It sounds like loathing to me, or indignance.”

His own phone rang, he put the screen up. “I got green. Blue and yellow. Sad and happy. Can someone be sad and happy at the same time?”

“Acceptance,” Hange answered. “Or desire.”

“Those are opposites.” “Opposite sides of the spectrum but they’re the same feelings, they both involve happiness and sadness. Acceptance is sad happiness. Desire is happy sadness.”

He almost regretted asking for Hange’s feedback. He felt her speculation at the pit of his stomach and he only realized when his phone fell to the ground that he froze, lost his balance on the swing for a second. “This hasn’t been tested though so it’s all for fun.” A pathetic disclaimer but it didn’t seem to work. He looked up to see Hange was staring at him.

The tears had dried and her eyes were a bit brighter and she seemed more inquisitive than sad. “You know... " Hange started off slow, breathless from amazement maybe. She was still fiddling, staring at her own screen. "This might be a good idea for the app. Let's test this again on Monday. Maybe we could add this."

“Maybe. We’re gonna have to revise the plan if we do.”

“Or we can keep it just a personal project but let’s think about it Monday.” Hange stood up. It’s getting late.” She put her hands up and stretched, swaying from side to side.

“Yeah, it’s getting cold too,” Levi said. Summer was ending soon.

“Happy Birthday to me,” she added, the venom from a while ago apparent. She pocketed her phone then held her sweater close. “Zeke said to wait a few weeks. I guess I’m gonna have to wait until next year to enjoy summer up north again. Maybe we can go south instead.” She kept her voice cheery, an attempt to lighten the mood.

A seemingly unsuccessful attempt. “You still wanna see summer up north?” Levi asked.

“I wouldn’t mind waiting. I guess what hurts about it is, I’ve been psyching myself up for days. I bought new clothes. I’ve been packing and I’ve already created a route for us,” Hange said.

“Yeah, you were talking about it a few days back, about how this one garden reminds you of Pemberley.” Levi asked.

“Well, last time I went there was a few years ago… There’s an area that reminds me of Pemberley, another one that reminds me of the Rosing garden---” Hange trailed off.

“I wanna see them all,” Levi said. He never finished the book and he wondered if she noticed. Regardless, he wanted to see it anyway. If there was something Hange could talk about for hours, something that had left her a lump of disappointment, he wanted to see it for himself.

“Really?” She said. “But with testing on monday… And you don’t seem like the type to---” Even under the dark night, Hange looked flustered, the pink in her cheeks still apparent.

“As long as we’re back before Monday right?” He didn’t know if she would agree. He didn’t expect her to but when Hange was already hovering such a prospect up in the air. When she had misunderstood that last statement to have been an invite, he might as well just play along. And enjoy it. “I don’t see any problem going with you,” he added that last part just to make it a little clearer.

"Like this weekend?" Hange asked, a look of disbelief on her face.

"This weekend." Levi nodded.

“Then let’s go. When do you think you’ll be ready?”

“We could leave right now.”

#levihan #levihan fanfiction

41 notes · View notes

the-witty-pen-name · 4 years

Text

Rest Pt. 1

Mando x F!Morellian! Reader

Word Count: 3k

Summary: 3rd person; When the Mandolorian is searching for parts on Arvala-7, he encounters someone who may be able to help him on his journey.

Warnings: none/mentions of injury and brief mention of character death; 18+ in later chapters

A/N: This was meant to be a one shot but this probably going to be 3 parts. I also ignored canon for this one. I tried my best to research Morellians for this fic to make sure its accurate, but it may not be perfectly accurate to canon. I just wrote this up cause I wanted to write today, but take a break from Deadbeat, even though you can expect Part 7 very soon!

If I miss something that I should include as a warning, please let me know!

This is also unedited!

Tags and Requests are OPEN

He was so tired, all the time. It was such a constant feeling that he had forgotten what it felt like getting a good night’s rest. He’d allow himself to sleep a few hours here and there, but his normal was pushing his body constantly until he was exhausted and then some.

It was caused by many things- the nature of his job, his own paranoia, and even just the sheer uncomfortableness of his small bunk on the Crest. Now, there was the Child. The little green creature taking his free moments of rest more and more. In his mind, it was never a debate- the kid always came first. He didn’t give a second thought to how he was sacrificing his own wellness, and frankly if he did ever think about it, he’d come to the conclusion that he wouldn’t care.

His ability to sleep had gotten worse, with his inability to stop worrying about the Child. He would now force himself to stay awake for several days on end, too worried about if something would happen while he was asleep and his guard was down. The Child would sleep through the night, and Mando would sit up on his bunk, just watching the little creature’s breaths rise and fall, and he would have his eyes glued to the closed door of his bunk prepared for a threat that never came.

When the pair reached Arvala-7, he was in a zombie like state from lack of sleep. His body was on autopilot as his feet dragged across the planet’s surface, the Child securely following behind in his floating pram. The Mandolorian was very hyperaware of the heaviness of his armor, and the way the helmet irritated his skin more than normal. From his outward appearance, no one would know just how close he was to falling over from exhaustion. For the sake of the Child, he kept pushing himself forward, always making false promises of rest if he could just make it to the next location.

“You need rest,” Kuiil declared as he observed the Mandolorian walk towards him.

“I’m fine,” Mando deflected, a little annoyed at how well the Ugnaught could read him, even hidden under his armor.

“I have spoken.” Mando sighed, the exhale of air distorted by the modulator of his helmet. He walks past his friend and walks into his small domicile, with the baby not far behind him.

“I shall watch the Child,” Kuiil states affirmatively before Mando can object. Mando nods, defeated, finally realizing he will rest whether he wants to or not. “I will feed him and wake you when it is time,” he continues.

Mando doesn’t even remember falling asleep. He didn’t dream and he wakes up with a terrible crick in his neck. He doesn’t feel rested, just stressed and his body is still tense. He stirs from his spot and walks back out. He’s panicked because Kuiil and the Child are no where in sight. He only relaxes when he sees the two of them outside, Kuiil tinkering on a project and the Child playing with some parts Kuiil had discarded on the ground.

“You must rest,” Kuiil reiterated. Mando shook his head. He didn’t know how long he had been asleep for but he imagined it was long enough. “It hasn’t been even twenty minutes.”

“I just needed a power nap,” Mando says, not letting his friend talk him into another nap. He was fine. He just needed to work on the ship and he’d rest when they were back on course. “I need to work on the ship, I need to go get some parts,” he states. “Please watch him, I will be back tonight.”

Kuiil doesn’t say anything, just nods, knowing that no matter what he says the Mandolorian was too stubborn for his own good. He borrows Kuiil’s land speeder, and heads to the very small almost abandoned town that’s a decent trek away from Kuiil’s moisture farm. The air is very heavy, and the heat was weighing heavy on his eyelids. He felt like there was a pressure around him that was pushing him to sleep, but he was successful in avoiding it.

He looks over and sees there’s one establishment that looks like its open. He decides to wander in and see if anyone knows where he can buy the parts he needs. As the door to the establishment slides open, he realizes that it is some sort of cantina, with low lights and low music playing from a live band in the corner of the room.

There’s a circular bar in the center of the space, and he approaches the bartender. His mind his hazy, and he almost forgets why he’s there in the first place. Fortunately, his outer appearance makes him look more menacing than he feels in this moment. Customers at the bar speak in hushed tones as he approaches. He doesn’t even notice, the fogginess caused by his lack of sleep is affecting his power of observation.

“Where can I go to get ship parts?” he asks.

“Jawas,” the man chuckles sarcastically, like the question itself was the most ridiculous thing he’d ever heard.

“There’s no where else?” He asks, frustrated.

“Not anywhere you can travel to in a day,” the man replies. Mando sighs, realizing he’d have to return to the ship empty handed. He can’t let it go another day. He needed to get off this planet.

“Give me directions.”

“There’s no where besides here that can offer you lodging, you can’t make it there on a speeder without stopping.”

“Directions.”

The man sighs and reluctantly gives the Mandolorian the coordinates he needs. With a gruff thank you, the Mandolorian leaves the bar, and gets back to the speeder. Kuiil would understand. Kuiil probably already knew the journey ahead of him and Mando was too stubborn to take his friend’s advice before leaving.

If he didn’t stop to rest, Mando figured he could get to the location by the next day if he drove fast. It seemed like a good idea to him at the time. It was the most time effective option he had. It was entirely different in practice, driving alone in the dark and his eyes becoming more and more heavy. He also never anticipated the wear it would cause the speeder, and he cursed as the thing was gradually slowing down until it came to a complete stop.

It was too dark to try to work on fixing it, even though he tried anyways. Even with his visor aiding his vision in the darkness, it was fruitless. He’d have to wait it out. He couldn’t allow himself to sleep. What if he was found by Jawas and they’d strip the speeder, or maybe they would steal his armor. It wasn’t something that he was willing to risk. So, he stupidly decided to work on the speeder without being able to see properly and assess his surroundings.

His thoughts were only on the Child and returning to him as quickly as possible. It made his actions irrational and careless. Which is why he scraps his arm on the metal of the speeder as he tinkered. The cut is deep, and it stings. He curses at his own stupidity and desperately tries to just apply pressure to his arm with his other hand. The material was old, dirty and rusted and it caused a deep wound.

He sits down on the ground, trying to make himself a tourniquet by ripping at his underclothes. He’s breathing heavy, and he knows that he is losing blood and he had no way to clean out the wound. He’s stranded and he can only think about the Child. Needing to just stay conscious long enough to think himself a plan out of this situation, and that’s the last thing he remembers.

He thrashes when he awakes, taking in his new unknown surroundings. It was a similar abode to Kuiil’s but it was obviously not the farm he was familiar with. He looks down at his arm, seeing the wound has been bandaged and treated, and his glove, and other pieces of his armor that needed to be removed to treat the injury sat on the floor waiting for him. He felt lighter, and more aware. Hell, he felt awake for the first time in a while. He felt rested. If it weren’t for the worry of waking up in a strange place, he’d feel good.

Before he was able to decide if he wanted to venture out of this bedroom, his thoughts were interrupted when another figure walked in. They were moving quietly, and Mando knew they were moving so that they wouldn’t disturb him. He sat up, letting them know he was awake and then he turned to look at them.

The young woman was standing holding a tray of food. She was nervous, but not scared of him, Mando was able to observe. It had also been a long time since he was in the presence of someone so easy on the eyes, and it made him nervous as well. She was very pretty, and easily one of the best things he’s got to see in a long time. He wasn’t sure what to say, not wanting to scare her off, so he waited for her to speak first.

“I didn’t want to wake you,” she said apologizing. “But I wanted to bring you this.” She leaves the tray on a small table next to the bed.

“T-thanks,” he stuttered, not sure what questions he could think to ask first.

“You were passed out next to your speeder,” she explained. “I found you early this morning. Your speeder is outside. You’ve been asleep here for about twelve hours… I don’t know how long you were outside before that.”

He nods, trying to still wrap his head around the situation.

“I’m sorry for taking off the armor,” she continues, “I didn’t take off your helmet! I know Mandolorians keep those on, I wasn’t sure if it was okay that I took off the pieces I needed to get to your cut.”

“That’s fine,” he said softly, “Thank you. It is really just the helmet that I can’t take off.”

“All of your stuff is there,” she points to where his bag and pieces of armor sit on the floor in a neat pile. He nods.

“Um, that’s pretty much it,” she says awkwardly trying to remember if there was something else that she needed to tell him. “You’re wound is fine, once it was cleaned up it wasn’t as bad as I thought. You really were just exhausted over anything else; I think. I’ll let you eat, I promise I won’t come back in until you tell me, so you can take off your helmet… There’s no one else here but me so you’re safe- you can even lock yourself in if you want. I don’t mind.”

“You’re being really accommodating,” he says suspiciously, not use to the hospitality. It worried him.

“Oh,” she exclaimed, his words reminding her of what she forgot, “I had contacted by Kuiil- told me to look out for you, that a friend of his- a Mandolorian would be coming my way in need of lodging. When you never came, that’s when I went looking for you.”

“You know Kuiil?” he asks, relieved he wasn’t completely with a stranger. He was, obviously, but he was at ease knowing he was with someone Kuiil trusted.

She nodded. “You can stay as long as you need. He said your son can stay with him as long as you need. I’ll let you eat,” she said, leaving the room and closing the door behind her.

He was taken aback at how kind she was towards him. She was so trusting and just let him into her home and helped him. Granted, it was because he was vouched for by Kuiil, but still. He also was flushed at how attractive she was. It made him nervous, he was so used to being along that he didn’t know how to handle himself around a woman- especially one that he thought was just so- so nice to look at. He felt foolish, and he was so confused at how easily that girl flustered him. It was just that she was kind, he tries to reason with himself. He’s just not use to the hospitality. He wasn’t flustered cause she was pretty, no absolutely not.

He took a moment and then resolved it was safe to take off his helmet so he could eat. He usually rushed through meals, just so he could get the helmet secured back on his head. But he felt comfortable here, and he allowed himself the luxury of taking his time, enjoying the unfiltered air. He looked around the room, and it was mostly bare, which isn’t surprising. The bed was comfortable, much better than his bunk on the Crest and better than the little spot in Kuiil’s dwelling.

He just felt guilty. He shouldn’t be resting when the Child is waiting for his return, and he still hasn’t retrieved parts for the ship. And here he was getting comfortable like was on some vacation. He quickly finished his food and put on his armor, ignoring the sting putting it on affected the cut under the bandages. He placed his helmet on and then left the bedroom.

“They’ll be here soon,” she announces when he emerges from the room. It stops him dead in his tracks. He didn’t know what you meant.

“Who?”

“Kuiil and your son,” she explains, “I just reached out to Kuiil, letting you know you were awake. He insisted he’d bring the kid to you. He thought you’d leave and strain yourself trying to get back too early. They’ll be here tomorrow.”

He chuckles, and is astonished at how well his friend seems to be able to anticipate his every move. “He’s right,” he sighed, sitting down across from her at the small dining table.

“He’s very wise,” she agrees. There are a few minutes of silence that cause an awkward tension to arise between the two of them.

“I’m (y/n),” she says. “Just realized I never introduced myself,” she says sheepishly.

“You can call me Mando,” he replies. She nods. There’s a mutual understanding between the two that says there’s no need for small talk.

“Is your child also a Mandolorian?” she asks curiously.

“No, he’s not,” he responds. He’s used to people pestering him with questions but he usually gets annoyed. He actually this time was happy that she wanted to know about him, and he was asking about the kid. For some reason, it felt different. There was no judgement or fear, just her genuine curiosity. She doesn’t press him to elaborate, which puts his mind at ease, and he’s relaxed.

“Are you married?” she asks next.

“No- no,” he says hurriedly. He feels foolish for how the question flusters him. It’s a perfectly reasonable question. It was just the natural assumption when she knows he has a kid, but not the context of how he’s a father. He also feels embarrassed at the desire to let her know he’s single. It’s stupid, he chastises himself. He was being ridiculous.

“He’s a foundling,” he explains simply. “He’s not actually mine. I’m not married.”

“Can Mandolorians get married?” she follows up.

“Yes, of course,” he says. She nods, and gets up from her seat.

“I have to check on the vaporators,” she announces. “I suggest you try to get more rest, but if you want to follow, you’re more than welcome to.”

When she moves, he notices the odd, cylindrical weapon fixed on the side of her hip. He trusts her, so it doesn’t worry him, but it is something he wants to ask her about.

“What is that?” he asks, following her out of her house and out into the dry air. She looks to where the gaze of his visor is fixated.

“It’s my light saber,” she says simply, not expanding on her answer much like how he did.

“Are- are you a Jedi?” he asks, his head tilting.

“I’m a moisture farmer,” she chuckles.

“I thought all the Jedi were gone,” he says, his eyes following her.

“They are,” you explained simply, “I’m not a Jedi anymore.”

“Did you fight in the war?” he asks. She looked young, and he was incredibly puzzled. Maybe her species was humanoid, but she aged slowly, like the Child.

“Clone Wars,” she states, confirming his suspicion. She was older than him, but she looked younger. “I’m Morellian. We don’t age the same as humans.”

“How old are you?”

“Forties? I don’t know. I haven’t really done the math in a while,” she shrugs. He chuckles, he felt the same way about his own age. He hadn’t thought about it in a long time, but he was fairly certain that they were roughly the same age, even though his signs of aging showed on his skin more than her.

“How long have you been here?” He asks.

“How long has it been since the end of the Clone Wars?”

“That long?”

“All the Jedi needed to go into hiding,” she states.

“Are you the only one?”

“I don’t know. The only man I knew I heard died, killed by Vadar,” she says solemnly. “Supposedly, he took on a new apprentice, but I don’t know where I could find him if I wanted to.”

“Can you use the Force?” he asks, thinking now about his own task that lays before him with the Child.

“Yes,” she replies simply, holding back a smile and a sarcastic comment.

“The Child- my son,” he says, a little overwhelmed how easily he stumbled upon you. “I’m supposed to bring him to a Jedi- bring him back to his people.”

“You need to bring him to a Jedi?” she asks skeptically. He nods.

“He has- these, um, powers,” he tries to explain, “Moving things that are physically impossible, healing- it’s nothing I have ever seen.”

“I’ll help you.”

“You said you aren’t a Jedi.”

“But I’m probably the closest you’ll find.”

Part Two

#mando x reader #the mandolorian #mandolorian imagine #mando x you #mando x y/n #mandolorian one shot #din djarin x reader #din djarin x you #din djarin x y/n #pedro pascal imagine #pedro pascal characters #x reader #star wars imagine #star wars one shot

36 notes · View notes