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nanalikessurveys · 5 years ago

Text

Alphabet Tag

aka another long ass survey

A – Accidents

01. Have you ever been in a car accident? No  02. Do you have a lot of scars? Not many, but some  03. Have you ever been in a fist fight with someone? No  04. Have you ever seriously hurt anyone by mistake? Well not very seriously  05. Have you ever had stitches? Where? My stomache, when i got a mole removed surgically

B – Beauty

06. Do you consider yourself beautiful? HAHA no  07. Are you self conscious of how you look? Yes  08. Do you put on a lot of makeup? Yes, i hate to say this but i can’t go out without makeup cos i’m ugly af  09. Would you ever consider getting plastic surgery? I have considered that, yes. but not yet tho.  10. What do you think makes a person beautiful?

As cliché as it sounds: confidence

C – Consequences

11. What was the longest amount of time you’ve been grounded for? I have never been grounded  12. What would you do if you got pregnant, keep it or have an abortion? I would not have an abortion, i would put the baby into adoption, simple as that. But i understand if someone would want to have an abortion don’t get me wrong.  13. Do you ever think about how your actions affect other people? Yes  14. What do you think is the worst punishment someone could give you? Take my family away<true  15. What is one thing you wish you didn’t do, just because it wasn’t worth it in the end? I have no idea

D – Dealing

16. When you are mad at someone, how do you show them? I’m just quiet, don’t talk to them  17. Name a time when you had to be strong. The bullying i suffered, and parents splitting up  18. Have you ever dealt with a divorce or parents fighting? Any kind of abuse at home? Parents splitting up, no fights or abuse tho  19. When people at school don’t accept you, or have problems with you, how do you react? I don’t really know, i’m pretty weak tbh  20. Have you ever lost someone to death? Explain how you got through it. I have lost a cat, i cried alot

E – Experience

21. Have you ever had a job? Any volunteer jobs? No, never  22. Do you think that you are sexually experienced, or not at all? Haha not really  23. Have you gone through a lot emotionally, or has life been easy thus far? I have been through some bad times but idk  24. Do you think you are ready to be on your own (have your own home, job, etc.)? I’m moving next saturday(in two days) to live on my own. And i would like to have a job but my mental health says no  25. How old do you act? I’m pretty childish LOL

F – Family

26. Is there anyone in your family you don’t talk to? Why? No there’s not  27. If you had to choose, family or friends? Don’t make me choose  28. Can you tell your parents or one of your parents anything? I can tell my mom almost everything, we’re really close 29. Do you have any siblings? If so, do you ever get jealous of them? I have and older sister, and no i’m not very jealous person in general so no i don’t get jealous of her 30. How often do you spend ‘quality time’ with family members? Everyday

G – Growing

31. How tall are you? How tall do you wish you were? 160-163cm, i‘m happy with my height  32. Do you think that you have grown more in the past year than any year before that? No  33. As a person, do you think you are mature for your age or still act childish? I’m childish like i said above  34. Are you scared to think that one day you will turn 30, then 40, then 50? Very, i hate aging  35. Do you believe you still have a lot to learn? Of course

H – Hope

36. Love – real or not? Real, obvi  37. Are you a pessimist or an optimist? I’m both depending on the situation  38. Do you believe in fate, that everything happens for a reason, or do you think that our actions lead the way? Hmm, i don’t know  39. Do you think that after we die our spirit is still alive? I hope so at least  40. What gives you hope when you just feel like dying? My family and my friend

I – Issues

41. Do you suffer from depression or constant sadness/loneliness? I don’t have the diagnosis depression but i have other mental illnesses that include depression soooo, yes  42. Do you have any type of disease or disability? Hypothyroidism and anemia  43. Are you currently in a hard relationship or have bad luck with the opposite sex? I am not in a relationship  44. Do you think that you are alone in this world? No i don’t  45. How often do you think about death, suicide or running away? Every now and then

J – Jokes

46. Say a word or phrase that would not be funny to anyone but you & one of your friends (an inside joke) It is what it is  47. Are you usually the one who makes people laugh,Or the other way around? Hmm, both tbh 48. Do you cry when you laugh hard? Yes  49. Write down a hilarious moment you had with someone that makes you laugh to this day! Too many to name just one 50. Do you ever get in trouble for laughing or talking a lot during class?

When i was in school, for laughing yes, sometimes for talking

K – Knowledge

51. The purpose of school: to learn, to cause trouble or to hang out with friends? To learn and be with and maybe make friends 52. Do people refer to you as smart, dumb, or average? I’m DUMB AF and i know it 53. What was the highest grade you have received (full course mark) ever? Our grading system in Finland is from 4-10, 4 meaning failed and 10 being the excellent, soo my best grade i ever got on my report card was 9 from English and swedish

54. What was your last average? This year would you like to maintain it or aim higher?

My gpa on my last report card was 7.6 i think?? not the worst, but not even near being good

55. What do you find the most interesting subject to be (to study or to talk about)? Psychology

L – Love

56. Are you currently in love? If not, have you been before? No, yes 57. Do people around you show you a lot of love (tell you they love you, hug you, kiss you, etc.)? I guess so 58. Is love worth it? It can be

59. Do you hate it when girls in their young teenage years say they ‘love’ someone that they’ve been dating for a few months? What, no, why would i hate it?

60. Does it take a lot for you to say you love someone, or is it just a word? Yeah, i’m really bad at expressing my feelings in general

M – Money

61. Do you believe that money makes the world go round? Yes i do 62. Is your family on the poor side, average, or above average when it comes to money? Average 63. Are you saving up for college/university, or planning to? No need to, it’s free here, besides i’m not going to uni anyway 64. Would you rather win millions of dollars & be set for life, or find the perfect person to marry & start a family with? Tbh, millions of dollars, lol

65. On a scale of 1-10, how important is money to you?

I’d say 7

N – Naughty

66. Are you a virgin? No 67. What do you think about doing sexual things with someone you’re not going out with? I wouldn’t do it, i’d have to be completely relaxed with that person 68. Do you know anybody you consider a ’slut’? What makes you say that? No, i don’t call people sluts 69. If you could, would you erase some things you did in the past or make it so you did more? Yes 70. Do you consider yourself more nice or more naughty? You can’t say both! Nice

O – Openness

71. How long does it take for you to open up to someone? Pretty long actually 72. What does it take for you to fully trust someone? I don’t know 73. Are you generally untrusting towards people because of past experiences, or any other reason? Yeah, i guess so 74. When are you comfortable with someone sexually? i don’t knoooow 75. When it comes to parents and close friends, what’s the limit of what you can tell them? I would tell my mom almost everything

P – Positive

76. Have you ever had an experience with someone that didn’t necessarily end positively? Do you remember the sad times or keep the memory of that person because of the good times? Well, yes 77. Do you agree with the saying: better to have loved and lost than not have loved at all? Sure 78. Are you more optimistic or pessimistic? What do you try to be? I have already answered this 79. Do you agree that something good can come out of everything? Yes  80. Have you ever had a time where something really bad happened, but something really good happened because of it? If so, please explain what it was: I don’t really know

Q – Questions

81. When faced with a problem, do you ask for help or try to figure it out yourself? Haha, i try to figure it out myself usually 82. Do you often question the world and how we came about? What are some things you would like to know about creation? Not really, that makes me scared thinking about things like that 83. Do you think the government is truthful? If you could ask the president one question, what would it be? TBH, i don’t know 84. When someone does something wrong to you, do you confront them and ask them why they did it or just let it go? Depends who it is 85. What is one unsolved mystery about the world that you want answers to? Hmm

R – Respect

86. How do you show respect? Just being polite and smiling, saying nice things etc 87. What can someone do for you to lose all respect for them? Being ignorant, racist or sexist i guess, those don’t really make me lose my respect tho so idk, i respect everyone’s opinions even though i don’t agree with them 88. Do you respect your teachers, parents, and other authority figures? Yes, like i said above, i respect everyone in some way 89. When you are disrespectful to your parents, what is the punishment? Im not disrespectful to my parents. But in my family we don’t have any punishments anyway 90. If someone is mean to you, are you mean back or do you kill them with kindness? Just ignore them

S – School

91. If you are still in school, what grade will you be going into? Nope, not in school 92. When will you graduate high school/college? Already gratuaded high school 93. After high school, what did you do/are you planning to do? I have no clue 94. Do you like or hate school? What do you like/hate about it? I don’t like school, never did 95. Have you ever been suspended, expelled, or dropped out of school?

I dropped out of college, but no i’ve never been suspended or expelled

T – Temptation

96. Have you ever done something wrong, knowing it was wrong, because something inside of you said it was okay? I guess 97. Has anyone ever pressured you to smoke or drink? Did you do it? Not really pressured, but i’ve tried my friends cigarette two times, because i was curious, it wasn’t my thing, and my friend has quit it too 98. Did you ever cheat on someone? Why did you do it? No 99. Did you ever want to do something sexual with someone you didn’t really know or love? What did you end up doing? Yes, haha, but i didn’t do anything 100. Do you give in to temptation easily, or are you more independent and strong willed?

I don’t know tbh

U – Unique

102. Do you do a lot of things because your friends are doing it? No  103. Do you follow trends, wear whatever you want, or wear really unique pieces? I wear what i want 104. Do you give in easily to peer pressure? Do you do things such as smoke, drink, or have casual sex? I don’t think i give in easily to peer pressure, and no i don’t smoke, drink or have casual sex 105. What makes you different from people your age? I don’t know?? i’m not studying OR working?? but i’ll start my studies next month tho

V – Value

106. What’s the most expensive thing in your room? My computer it think 107. What’s more valuable: your life or the lives of your loved ones? Would you sacrifice your life for other people? Loved ones i think, i think i would 108. What is something you value not because it cost a lot, but because it means a lot to you? Hmm 109. If there was a fire in your house/apartment, what is the first thing you would grab? My cats and maybe the photo albums 110. Do you think past memories and experiences are more valuable than what could possibly happen in the future? Too tired to answer LOL

W – Wishes

111. If you had three wishes, what would they be? I want to be healthy, and my family to be healthy and everyone in the world to be healthy in general tbh haha 112. Would you rather wish yourself to be happy, or your loved ones? Loved ones 113. Do you believe that wishes come true if you really believe in them? No 114. Have you ever had a wish come true? If so, what was that wish? Well kinda, when i was little i wished we had a cat, then we got a cat, lol 115. Do you find wishing for things a waste of time because everything that’s meant to happen, will happen? Not, not really

Y – You

121. Are you more independent or social? Independent 122. What is something that makes you very mad when you see it? People being mean or abusive to other people or animals 123. Do you think that you have potential to do great things? I would hope so 124. Do you think people are born a certain way, or develop their personalities based on what they go through in life? They develop personalities 125. Do you think people are generally good ? I believe everyone has something good in them

Z – Zest

126. Are you currently happy with your life? Why or why not? Not really, i’m sick in the head and physically aswell and i have no future plans 127. Do you go on FacebookCraze.com to get facebook survey’s and quizzes like this one? I do not 128. When change occurs, do you get scared or are you excited for it? Really depends 129. Do you like to try new things, meet new people? Nope not really 130. What is the most motivational thing in the world? LOL idk, how interesting answers i have

#survey #surveys

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ilygsd · 6 years ago

Text

odfidk: 140818 - 2

im suicidal and i low key want everyone to unfollow and block so i can write my psycho rants in peace i honestly think i got bpd or smth. ive also checked ptsd multiple times but i dont remember my trauma and i dont have any dreams abt it since in fkn adopted. my whole life had been a trauma.

im so fucking tired of my dad. i dont think ive gotten a single fucking apology in my whole life from him.

when we were younger my little sister got scared and never dared to tell him when she broke or lost something cus he always made her cry. he always got soooo angry but always pretended he wasnt angry at us, but he obviously was. i used to cry too but instead i got angry because i’ve always been the problematic kid so i always started to scream at him instead. i still do cus im still problematic

one time when i was 16 i was on my way to the first party at my upper high school. i was looking forward to it so much because i suffered through junior high because of all the white rich racist snobs. i was happy bc i had finally been able to make some friends and after my parents divorce, friends were the only place i felt sade. but then dad suddenly calls me and starts to yell at me, accusing me of stealing his money (aka $2). ive never felt so betrayed and humiliated. my own dad didnt believe me. ”well your sister said she didnt, so it must be one of you two”.

turns out it was my sister and she was too afraid to say something so my ugly fucking dad decided to ruin my whole fucking night and i embarrassed myself because i cried in public because i was so frustrated of not being believed. she admitted to mom. i never got an apology from any of them but i didnt say anything because i knew my sister was too scared. she never blamed it on me, she just said she didnt do and. and dad did the rest

one time a classmate of mine told me about her abusive dad and how he used to grab her by the neck when she did something ”wrong” and chase after her, maybe even hitting her. our dad never got physical with us but this is obviously emotional abuse. yesterday was the night i finally admitted it to myself. our dad is abusive and he’s one the reasons im so abusive myself. ive known for long, but i love him and i tried for so long. i kept fighting him cus i wanted to believe he was able to change but he’s not. he doesnt even understand. i hate him for that, i hate him for making me the monster i am today.

his first instinct is always to accuse. like yesterday evening for example where he helps me with my phone (he’s not the most technical one). something he thinks will work doesn’t work but an ”error” pops up and he immediately mutters ”what have you done now...” i get furious because i’m tired of all these microaggressions and he agitated me earlier this evening with his ignorance and refusal to change aka ”there will always be injustice and classism, why dont you become a poltician instead”. i tell him to apologize and he guilt trips me, accusing me of being sensitive, always mistunderstanding his words and now he’s ”not going to talk to me anymore” ”since he cant say anything”. i get even more angry and he tells me to shut up. it sounds harsher in swedish, so i’d probably translate it to ”shut the fuck up” instead. i walk away, obviously done with his bullshit

emotional abuse. i could never tell him that though. i mean i could and i’ fucking did but his dumb ass never listens. not even after mom divorced him he listens. he never does. hes so ruined that he always blames it on everyone else for being sensitive. he thinks hes kind and understanding when he says ”im sorry YOU FEEL that way” because he doesnt understand its not ME or MY feelings. its me, my mom, and my sister. its a fucking fact that hes emotionally abusive, its not something we just FEEL. but theres no idea arguing with him because he will only get angry. as usual.

its gotten better through the years. not because he has learnt anything, but because we are older, not little children anymore. he’s never like this with adults. mom said it was different techniques on her, because she’s an adult and was his wife. he would probably get sad reading all of this but he wouldnt show it and i wouldnt care because he wouldnt apologize and he wouldnt understand. thats his weakness and that will be his doom.

nothing ever changes in this family. my dad keeps being an emotional abuser while im the only one saying something. my older brothers left me and my little sister during our parentes divorvve. my little sister is always the quiet one while im always the annoying aggressive one. im always on my own fighting. but i never get any appreciation. no one asks me how i am feeling. my sister never asks me, never hugs me. i know she loves me and i hope shes thankful for always standing up against our dad, always protecting her ever since we were kids. i know she doesnt like my ways all the time, that she dislikes when im fighting and yelling but at least i do something. the only one listening is mom but we fight too sometimes. i just wish i wasnt so lonely. me and my closest to age brother could maybe talk, could maybe be closer if he didnt betray us, betray ME like that. ffs he was 21 when they divirced. a grown ass man. i was 11, i was going through another abandonment. i lost everything. the money, my parents, my family. everything i was proud of and thought was safe. we could maybe talk if he wasnt so uncomfortable and unserious. i know he talks to mom and i know mom, me and him are the only one thinking in this god damn family. but he left me. i wish my sister could give me some love. i know she cares but she never shows me. i love her the most in our family. we’re the only chinese adoptees and i feel like i need to protect her. i try not to cry in front of her but i just wish she could give me something. i know theres nothing i can do about it. i tried to pressure her when we were younger but she only withdrew even more. i was always the one trying. im always the one trying, speaking up. im always painted as the problematic unstable one but i’ve gone through the most shit in this family. i came as a crying and screaming baby. i was afraid of everything, always crying. and thats what i’ve always been. always the crying one, the one who cant control her feelings. always the lazy one because ive been to scared to try things. no one appreciates me. im not perfect and i hate myself for it. im paranoid and i have abusive tendencies. i got major abandonment issues and i used to text people a lot. i dont do that anymore. i never answer anymore because no one cares and im too scared of making new friends.

i know im not perfect but i also know my bf would miss me if i stopped texting him. i know my sister will miss me when i move away. she will never stand up against dad and a part of me wants to stay protecting her but im tired. i dont get anything. never a thank you. never a nod. i dont know how she feels. i only from what mom tells me. she never joins me or helps me. only when its herself. ONLY when its about her. she never takes my side. i never blamed her for it. i always blamed dad. i hated my vrothers for leaving me, but not her because shes my baby sister. but im tired. im exhausted and i never get anything. my family abandoned me so i invested in friends instead. they could be my third family. but they abandoned me too. my issues got in the way and they abandoned me. at the same time i went through an abortion at age 17. my mom abandoned me because of her own mental illbess and my boyfriend abandoned me because of his cowardness. at the same time i had the biggest indentity crises and i started to miss my own mom, my actual mom, like crazy. no one was there for me. maybe my adoptive mom tried her hardest but she’s white, she suffered from PTSD for 7 years herself, she wasnt like dad, but she wasnt enough. no ones enough. no one can save me. no one can save me. not even my beautiful boyfriend who loves me so much and who i’ve been a total fkn abuser to. no one can save me. my mom got surprised when we watched a documwntary about killers and i said i think like that. i feel like that. i feel like that could be me. she said ”not could you have killed anyone” but ive wanted to. ive dreamt about it. ive wanted to kill everyone on this earth. ive wanted to kill myself and everyone i hold dear. and when people say ”those abusers and nasty murderers deserve no love. they’re lost” i feel like murderering them extra slow. no one ever loved me. i was never loved. i came here only to serve as a child to a middle class white western couple. no one cares about my mother. no one cares about me. my trauma was only me being difficult and me being difficumt was only bc of what happened in china, never bc of what they did. white people are never weong. the damage adoptees go through is only BEFORE the adoption. never after. white people are perfect. so perfect people want more to adopt us. cus we’re only dolls to you. we’re just children you can send back and forth. no one cared that i was all alone my 2 first years. that i was shipped back and forth like a toy. no one cared about me when they placed me in sweden, the whitest country next to our neighbors, denmark, norwat and finland. no one cared about me when they placed me in a family that would divorce. where the mom would get ptsd for 7 year, not work and no money. dad is emotionally abusive and emotionelly inaccessible. no one cared about me when i missed my mom. when i started to read about racism and sexism and colonialism and classism. no ones ever cared about me and im tired. no one can save me. ive been fighting my whole life. ive been fighting for basic things like love and safety. im never loved. im never safe. im always fighting, always chasing something i’ll never get

i remember when this was everday. when i felt like this everydsy and thought i would die everyday. the only one by my side my boyfriend who i am incapable givning the love and appreciation he deserves. i dont want this to come back. tomorrow i’ll be fine. tomorrow everything will be forgotten. my dad will never ever applogoze for anything. my sister will never ever give me any kind of love. everything will be normal tomorrow but nothing will be solved. im cursed. im cursed. im cursed. im cursed. im doomed. i will never escape these thoughts and feelings. im doomed to suffer. no matter what i do, no matter how much i try its always weong. no one cares. im so lonely. i miss my mom. i wish i was aborted or that i could stat with her. even if i was unhapoy with her she’s at least be my real mom. at least i’d commit suicidw like a normal person. i dont feel like a normal person. i feel like a demon. i feel like a monster.

im very very suicidal right now. i always feel like i have to threaten with suicide but i know no one would care. and that sucks. ive thought about faking my death but my dad is so abusive he’d just get mad at me. so i just couldnt help myself cus i had a big ass anxiety attack so i straight up told him he he wouldnt care if i died. he didnt. he shut the balcony door. so i panicked even more and screamed when i commit suicide he will regret himself, he will regtet. when i commit suicide it will be his fault. no reaction. he was embarrassed. he said ”i dont want the neighbors to hear when youre so sad and angry” so i literally throw a pillow over the tanke and break something and i automatically get scared and then to my room to call mom and i scream so much. i feel like im dying.

i guess i feel better now or whatever cus i was able to talk to my mom but wow our dad is really fucked up. i hate that i cant get people to live me in a healthy why though. i always have to do smth dramatic like killing them or treathening with suicide. but the very fact that i had to go that far for my dad to come and give me a weak hug and after another 5 minutes arguing say ”sorry” cus he just ekot saying ”i usually apologize” and ”i already said that was dumb of me” but literally cant say s-o-r-r-y makes me SO ANGRY. i shouldnt have to commit suicide for my family to care

after everything ive done for my sister and show never gives me any love. after everything ive been through. im standing up against our dad for her too. ive always done. because ove always been the angry kid. always always, and she’s always been te quiet kid. ive done so much for her, ive protected her so much because i know she’s scared of him. i know she’s scared of me too. but she never asks me how im feeling. she never says she loves me or qppreciates me. no one does. she can tell our mom she appreciates that i stand up but never tell me. and NEVER side with me against dad. im always aloen and im so weak and tired. im only doing this because i already have the label as an angry kid.

i was angry when i was adopted. i was screaming all the time. i was angry and anxious because ive been abandoned multiple times’ and had to deal with these white foreigners i didnt understand. and my mom left me for dad to take care of. she felt like a bad parent and let dad raise me like the unstable psychopath i am today. he always seemed to blame me. theres a reason i feel like the angry annoying kid and that i have no self esteem. it must be from him. probably my whole family, but mainly from him. i was angry when i was adopted, i was angry when my orents divirced, i was angry when i reqlized what a horrible colonial practice international transracial adoption is. all for both me and my sister. because i love her the most in this fucked up family. cus we’re the only chinese adoptees

i hate that i want to revenge through suicide. i hate that im so unhealthy and that i had to go through all of this. i hate all those fucking ”good ppl will not let themselves get broken, they will be kind” fuck you ive been fighting my whole fucking life. these are the quotes that triggers me enogh to kill somebody. ”youre just as bad as your emotionellt abusive dad, as the white pol, the rich, the men who exploited you and separates you from your mother and left you with mental illness and issues that make you uncapable of being loved”

the only thing keeping me alive is the thought of one day going back to china. the only thing keeping me aliev is the thought of being able to avtually help people with my story or knowlege. to help other adoptees or fight for chinese womens rights or smth. thats the only thing. if my life turns out like nothing i’ve been suffering in vain. no one ever needed me. no one ever wanted me. ive always been the only one needing them. the only way for me to heal would be to help others so i can forgive myself. i hate my dad for fuxking me up even more than necessary. i was boound to get these issues sooner or later but the manipulation and absue he gave me will i always hate him for. why did i turn out like this but not my sister? why didnt my sister become a monster like this? and what hurts the most is that i was once proud of my family and my dad. i love him and he took care of me the most. the reason he gave me these fkn issues

#diary #odfidk

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kawaiifunhologram-blog · 6 years ago

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texas insurance journal

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hi i recenlty moved from east coast to west coast...i used to have car insurance with AIG while at eastcoast....does any one know if AIG serves car insurance in westcoast also.....especially in Los angeles

Looking for individual/family health insurance in Arizona...?

I am a stay-at-home mom (in Arizona) and I need to get health insurance. My boyfriend (and our toddler) have insurance through his employer but it's like $400/month for just the two of them and it doesn't cover much. To add me to his plan we would have to get married first and it would be over $200/month more than he's already paying now. So that's over $600/month for insurance that doesn't cover much. It doesn't seem like a very good deal at all. So I'm looking for a health insurance plan that would take all three of us as an unmarried family, for less than $600/month. So far I don't see any that cover maternity, and we do want to have another child within the next year or two... We don't get sick often, but our baby needs her regular checkups and vaccinations, we need our regular checkups, vision and dental, and of course catastrophic coverage in the event something really bad were to happen. I don't see much purpose in me having insurance for myself, a young woman, that doesn't cover maternity or birth control, other than for the sake of catastrophic coverage. But if need be I could get my own insurance plan for maternity/birth control/whatever if I could find an affordable one, and they can be on their own plan that doesn't cover maternity. Blue Cross Blue Shield has some cheap rates but they don't cover maternity. Neither does Aetna. Cinergy is too expensive for just me, let alone my family too. So my question(s) to you specifically are: Can you suggest any health insurance companies that cover maternity? Can you suggest any that are affordable? Can you suggest any that would insure us as a family even though we are unwed?""

""I got a dui and i was told i need an sr-22, im already covered by geico insurance....?

ok im already covered but i want to know how much extra it will be a month having this sr-22 .. i know age a car varys ... im 19 but i do not know what car i would have yet but i juat want to know about how much so i can be prepared.

Car Insurance Help!? Will my rates go up?

Today when I got outta school, I was about to drive home and i found a huge dent on the passenger side door. So it was a hit and run I guess. Nobody left any note or anything. I drove the car home and called the cops to get a police report. the cop gave me a card with her name and the case number, but she said that if i file a claim with insurance, the company will either drop me or increase my rates. I'm a 17 year old boy and i live in maryland and im insured under geico. will my rates go up? Thanks""

Healthcare Homework help?

Here is what i need to find: 1) explore insurance costs for patients with and without cancer 2) will the new Obama healthcare act help patients with cancers be able to access affordable health care insurance rates? 3) do hospitals have the right to reject some patients and refuse care? 4) what are the local, state, and federal laws regarding right to treat? Okay so i've already done some research but some of the questions are kinda vague and im having trouble figuring out what to say and finding info...especially #1. It's supposed to be placed on a poster board for a showcase so it needs to be nice. I dont know much about healthcare so i dont know what i need to focus on?""

What's an estimate of how much a vauxhall corsa 1.2 would cost for insurance for a 17 year old girl?

72,000 miles, it's 8 years old, also it's black""

Cost of med insurance for a college student living on their own?

How much does individual health insurance cost for a college student out on their own? I realize its different for each person. Lets say the person is male and 18. No health related problems, no history of any either. How much? On average.""

Couple questions on cars and insurance..?

Here are a list of questions i appreciate being answered.. Why would your car be stopped if your taxed and insured? Could I use my name and everything on the insurance but change a couple of details like age and stuff? Ways to make insurance cheaper? Could I use my dads insurance and use his details? WHat does a provisional licence allow me to do? This is because i have been looking into buying a Range Rover sport on a finance with my dad but the insurance has come to 17 grand!!! I am 17 with a provisional.

""Help, I need suggestions for health insurance. Please and thank you. Any ideas?""

My mom got laid off last year and I was on her health insurance. I'm 18 and I attend college. I'm looking for a low cost plan that will cover vision, dental, and regular check ups. Though something without vision is good also. I have no idea where to look. I don't want medicaid. Female, 18, single, no children, no disabilities or medication. Please help.""

Insurance for modified car advice !!?

i want to buy a car that has full interior and exterior body work done to it, will this effecct the insurance ?? also the engine has had a 'ecu chip' and air filter added/changed so will this effect insurance in any way ?? and can i get replys from someone who knows what there on about no some random answer thanks""

How much would insurance cost for a young person with a luxury car?

I was wondering if there's anyone (preferably a lady) between 22-25 who has a luxury car like a Jaguar, BMW or an Audi, and how much you pay for insurance. I'm 23 & looking to buy an Audi A4 or a BMW 3 series (second hand). So just wanted to know if theres anyone else out there with those cars :) thanks in advance x""

Does car insurance go up if you get your drivers permit?

will my parents car insurance go up if i only get my permit?

Car Insurance - is it really this expensive?

Hi. Ive been living in Spain for almost the last 6 years and recently came back to the UK. Im after insuring a car, but the quotes im getting are ridiculous! I've been driving for nearly 6 years, I'm 24 years of age and I'm being quoted over 2,000 for cars like a 1997 1.3L Ford Ka... I have no proof of NCB due to living abroad in Spain but surely this can't be right can it? I've been told by a friend that their daughter of 17 years of age who still has not passed her test has been quoted 1,700 on a similar car. Finding this a bit hard to believe considering the quotes I'm getting. So, is insurance really this overly priced in the UK or am I going wrong somewhere? Cheers""

Will My Car Insurance Go Up?

My wife scrapped the side of our SUV against the wall coming out of the garage. I would like to get it fixed through our insurance since the damage is more that $500 deductible. Do you think my insurance will go up if I make this insurance claim?

Does anyone know the cost of insurance for an infiniti g37 for a 18 year old boy?

Apparently, the dealer says infiniti g37 aren't technically sports cars so the insurance wouldn't be too high for my son. I'm not to sure though..can anyone clear this matter up?""

Where can I get affordable health insurance?

My husband has been sick for like a year and we cannot afford to go to the doctor in fact he went to a doctor and they told him he has to go see another doctor because they can't find anything wrong with him. so that's $300 down the drain and we haven't even paid it. Is there something I can get him that would cost $30 a month and have some way for him to get some tests that wouldn't kill us financially?

texas insurance journal

Is AETNA a good health insurance to get?

my benefits package came from work, it offers medical from Aetna is that a good health insurance provider? What about Guardian Plan ppo for Dental??""

Switching car insurance?

I live in North Carolina, and I got insurance when I lived in south carolina under state farm for 160. When I moved back to be with my family, I was searching for car insurance for North Carolina and found Geico with 60 a month. I didn't notify state farm of the change in insurance, and I am currently insured under Geico. I'm wondering if my license could potentially be suspended or I have something on my record about it, even though I did not have a lapse in coverage, I did not notify the other insurance company. Any info would be greatly appreciated!!""

""I just turned 18 years old, how much do you think i will pay for car insurance?""

i just turned 18 years old, how much do you think i will pay for car insurance""

What are insurance company for?

My car was a total loss the insurance company paid what the car was worth but not the finance charges. How do this work? I thought your insurance paid everthing and everything was a lump sum

When renting a car is there a cheaper why to buy insurance then buying their insurance?

Will i still be on my parents' insurance?

So, there were a bunch of changes made to health insurance due to the Health Reform. i heard that the coverage i get from my parents (since i am a dependent) will last until i'm 26 now, instead of 21. we have western health advantage through my mom's work (i think) and live in california (not sure if that makes a difference). anyways, i'm 18 and currently in college. next semester i'm hoping to take off so that i can work full time and save up money so that i wont have to be so financially dependent on my parents in the near future. do i have to be in school in order to still be on my parents' health insurance? i will still be dependent until i get my own apartment and get married, which will be in about a year or 2""

How much is car insurance for a 19yr old N driv er in BC?

I am nearly 19 about to buy a cheap car and insure it for the bare legal minimum how much approx will that cost me

Why is there such a big difference in premiums from reputable car insurance vs. cheap ??

Sorry for my use of generalizations, but its no big secret. reputable: American Family, State Farm, Farmers etc cheap : progressive, geico, etc. why are my quotes 3 times higher for the reputable, is it worth the drastic rate increase?""

A question about car insurance.?

Do you think the insurance would be cheaper on a 2010 Scion TC (its a coupe btw), or a 2006 Acura TL?""

What is the average cost per mile to operate a car including depreciation maintenance gasoline insurance etc?

This is About car insurance?

I am getting a car soon and I want to kniw how much insurance was for me. I'm 17 and a boy so I know isles should be high. And is it a monthly thing or a one time fee?

Are young adults covered under their parents health insurance till 26 under the new Obama law?

Is it true that the new Obama law states that children/young adults will receive health insurance coverage until they are 26 even if they are not in school, married, and living out of ...show more""

What is a good low cost Automobile Insurance Company?

No Geico (they are very high)!

What is the coverage characteristics of disability insurance?

Hiring an employee / health insurance?

If I hire an employee in California do I have to pay for their health insurance? Is there some threshold like 40hrs/week where I have to start paying or what?

How do you get proof of auto insurance?

i just got my driver's license, (i'm 17) but i haven't been able to drive yet because my dad says i need to get an insurance card as proof of insurance. It was supposed to come in the mail a week ago. No one else i know had to do any of this, and they could drive as soon as they got their license. is there a faster easier way to get proof of insurance? thanks""

What make and model of car is cheap to insure?

Hi. I am learning to drive and need a car to practice/run around in. I'm looking for one I can get that has been used, cheap to insure (group 1 - 3) and cheap road tax (Band A-C). Any cars that I have found cheap insurance and/or cheap road tax is only so if its bought new at 1000s of pounds. My maximum is 1000 for the car itself. Any makes and models please? thank you""

How much will my auto insurance cost?

I just turned 16 a couple months ago and i already have my license, and i live in Colorado. My parents have State Farm auto insurance and they want me to pay for my own insurance when i get a car. I already know that you can get a bunch of discounts for things like getting good grades and attendence and safe driving and not driving your car to school, but anyways i was wondering how much it would cost me without any discounts? Like how much would it be every month or so? I do have a job but i dont know if i would have enough to pay for car insurance. Any help is needed! thank you!!!""

What are tips on getting the cheapest car insurance?

...like I think you are suppose to have $1000 as opposed to $500 or $5000... I have a good driving record and I recently bought a house (so I'll probably have my house insurance with the same company)

Apartment Insurance?

I live in the basement of a house. Am I covered on my landlords insurance policy, or should I invest in renters insurance?""

Does anyone know in detail what no fault car insurance is?

I am having a problem understanding no fault car insurance. Can somebody explain how it works?

Why are teenagers car insurance rates so high?

I just heard they just went up on our car insurance because we are teens that's not fair at all. I'm struggling trying to make it meaning going to college and work. Because I can not depend on my mom to take me everywhere I need to go. This economy is all ready down the drain that's not fair I have no money and I am trying to make it.

Can a family friend put me on their car insurance?

So i live in the state of california. I have had my learners permit for more than six months now. I want to get my drivers license but due to the economic crisis my parents aren't able to pay every month to have me on their car insurance. A family friend has offered to put me on their car insurance, but what my parents want to know is if that is legal in the state of california or do I HAVE to be insured by my parents?""

Will insurance cover a salvage car?

I need to know cuz im buying a car. what insurance company will cover it. and will it be expensive??

Is getting renter's insurance a good idea? How about with Balboa insurance?

I'm considering getting this but have no idea how renter's insurance works or anything.

texas insurance journal

Where can i find cheap full coverage auto insurance?

Firebird 2003 owners. How much do you pay for car insurance on your Firebird?

Do auto insurance companies have authority to require social security numbers for policyholders?

In applying for auto insurance, I note that several companies want social security numbers from applicants. Is this a legal requirement for obtaining auto insurance? or is it the policy of the insurer? or is it optional?""

CBR600F4i motorcycle insurance... $360/month?

Huh.. i just did an online quote with progressive insurance and the dang thing says $360/month for coverage. is this normal. I'm 35 years old, yes, a beginner, but is a 600cc bike gonna be that expensive for insurance?""

Car Insurance?

I am moving to the US (I am a Canadian Citizen), how much should I look to pay for car insurance in Miami?""

Is $111 a month a lot for health insurance in cleveland?

http://kaiserfamilyfoundation.files.wordpress.com/2013/09/early-look-at-premiums-and-participation-in-marketplaces.pdf?vm=r

Best health insurance for bariatric surgery?

I live in Florida and am trying to have bariatric surgery. What company's will pay for the surgery in Florida?

""In terms of automobile insurance, California is a:?

At Fault state No-Fault state None of them Common Fault state San Andreas Fault State

How much do most people pay per month for life insurance?

Will I considered to drive a car without insurance?

Hi. I been driving without insurance for months because my mom told me to wait until her insurance expired and will add me to her policy in june. My mom add me to her policy a few days ago and my car insurance will only start valid on june 2, 2013. Yesterday, I was pulled over and got a ticket. Will I considered to drive a car without insurance? My mom was very mad at me because I didn't get any ticket for months and not involve in any accidents and now only 10 days until my car insurance valid, I got a ticket. Please help, I don't want to have 2 violation case especially drive without car insurance""

What is the best car insurance company? out there?

I'm with all state but is there any insurance company better than all state?

How much can auto insurance rates go up for a first time accident?

If youre at fault, theres no injuries. Approximatley $1500 damage done to the other car and minor scratches done to your own. Also, would it be better not to make a claim to your own vehicle if the damage is so minor? Or would it even have an impact on future rates?""

Do you have to be on the insurance of the car you use for your drivers license test?

I know the car you use has to have insurance but do you, the driver, have to be on that policy?""

Personal health insurance?

Any other health insurance companies in Michigan that are good? I checked out Blue Cross. They're pricey but offer dental coverage which might be worth it. Because I got hit with some dental bills these past few years. Any websites that allow you to compare companies?

What car is cheap for insurance?

I'm 17 year old im looking for a car I have got to the point of I want anything thats ok but insurance is killing me so I came up with a few cars let me know if it's good on insurance . 89 Silvia s13k ,98 gto twin turbo ,98 pointac grand prix and if you have any cars that you suggest or insurance plains that I should look into let me know.""

Car health insurance...?

Why does car health insurance not exist I mean if it did then you would just pay a premium and then when you took it to a repair shop the insurance would cover it.

Affordable nuvaring/other birth control?

I was using nuvaring for about the past 6 months and it's working really well. I got laid off from work and cannot afford to pay because I no longer have insurance. I called the ...show more

Who are the cheapest insurance providers to new drivers???

im 17 just passed my test. who would make the best and heapest company to insure my 2001 1.0 corsa with

""Car Insurance, young male?""

I'm 18, i applied for a 6000+ loan and was approved, I didn't even need a cosigner because my income is very good. Its too bad the insurance company's just DESTROY ME when I find a car I like. I dont wanna drive a damn beater, I dont care how much it will save me. I am currently insured under state farm, they told me insurance for a mitsubishi diamante vr-x would be about 2800 a year.... My family has been with state farm since my grandpa, we have insured over 30 cars in our familys, and this is just the terrible quote they give me!? Its despicable, I refuse to insure with them. What are some good insurance companys that will cost less? I already checked e-surance and the price was better by far.""

Can you get car insurance without having a car?

I want to get my license back. The state (Indiana) says I have to have insurance in order to get it back. Except I don't have a car. And I can't get a car without a license. Seems like a total catch 22. The form they said I need is a sr50. The girl I talked to on the phone was rude and wouldn't even listen to me saying I don't have a car so how can I get insurance. Just kept repeating you need insurance to get your license back. Help!

What is the average price of auto insurance with 1 adult and 1 teen driver with Allstate?

Can you insure 2 cars with different insurance companies and have the no claims bonus on both cars?

What insurance companies offer the best rates / coverage for Martial arts classes?

What is out there and about how much does it run?

Do I need to pay car insurance?

I recently fall behind payment on my car insurance, they said I need to pay the late payment plus the new payment for the new 6 months, how can I work it? I have no cash to cover all of it?""

What's the purpose of medical insurance for students?

I'm in Australia and I need medical insurance which is very costly and it doesn't even cover anything like dental checkup. I don't think I'll ever a use a single penny from that insurance. Why are they robbing us of our money for no reason? If I get ill, I'll use my own money to pay for treatment. And I heard they don't get any interest from the money so where does all that money go? In the air?""

texas insurance journal

How much will it cost me to insure monthly a Porsche Boxster 2.5 2dr Roadster 1998.?

Saw a very good one, will like to have an idea of how much it'll cost me before i dive in. Thank you.""

How does a speeding ticket affect insurance costs?

My parents own the car that I drive and cover insurance fees (I pay for gas/oil/maintenance). I got a speeding ticket today for $156 for going 52 in a 35 zone (if that price is legitimate and fair in CT, I'm not sure), but I'm curious as to how that will affect insurance costs? Anyone with knowledge in the area, your responses are much appreciated.""

Cheap insurance for a 95 reg 4.6 litre Range Rover as a young driver.?

I am aged 18, have had my license for over a year & have one years no claims discount. I have recently purchased a Range Rover with cost nothing to transfer over from the car already on my policy, however upon renewal it will cost me a whopping 4K to insure! Does anybody know of any companies which either specialise in this department or will be able to get me a cheaper quote? Currently I have tried both confused.com & comparethemarket.com but was wondering if there are some other cheaper companies which are a little more unknown. Would be really grateful if someone helps me find a cheaper quote as that is just daylight robbery.""

Is it good to shop around and change car insurance every 6 months. In order to always pay the lowest?

Does that look bad in your records, credit, financial history etc? Example..... This bastard is always changing car insurances every couple of months.""

Direct line car insurance?

hi, does direct line car insurance allow there to be more than 2 drivers on the the one car insurance policy""

Insurance after you buy your car?

I'm picking up a new car I just bought from a dealership tomorrow, how does insurance work? I have insurance at the moment for the car I am driving but not the new one I am buying. help :)""

How much would insurance cost for a '92 ford thunderbird?

What papers do you need for car insurance?

Alright I don't know too much all I know is I'm determined, I want a car with car insurance on it. My dad has a car in which he is going to let me have and I am going with him next week to get car insurance. What papers do I need to present in order to get the car insurance because I want to be ready. I'm not sure what insurance I want yet but I believe he might be putting the insurance in his name and mine being that I am a young driver.""

2008 Nissan GTR Insurance/Maintenance?

I'v been saving up some money now and want to get a used car when i turn 21. had my license since 16 I'm debating heavily whether to get 2008 bmw 335i coupe or 2008 nissan gtr. i'm sure nissan gtr insurance and maintenance would cost a lot but about how much should I be expecting? iv been searching around and this is the number i got to guess but iono 4000 a year for insurance and 2000 a year for maintence...is that a good estimate? if it's more than that, i don't think i should really get one. should i just keep saving and buy a 335i and treat myself with a nicer one after college? or should i just go all out right now?""

How can insurance companies find out if you have a pre-existing condition??

I have heard people mention the MIB as a source, but where do they get their info? I thought medical records were strictly private, how do they find out your past medical info? Ty!""

Would a Jaguar be a first car?

I want to know for my cousin who is 12. He really like the XJR from 1997-2003 .What does the insurance cost?

Will a cracked windshield raise my auto insurance rates?

well i am going to get my windshield repaired. it has a crack the size of a dime. it happend about a month ago and i worried that it will get bigger with the hot weather. anyway, i called my insurance company. they are sending someone out to repair it. i am 18 years old but i am on my parents plan. i also have a gpa over a 3.0. my family and i have no record of any accidents whatsoever. my parents just bought me the car on the end of march :( do u think my rates will go up? almost forgot! my insurance company is geico and i live in california""

A question on fully comprehensive car insurance cover?

im 17 years old and am insured with quinn direct. I was just wondering if i would be able to drive other cars not insured under my name on third party? thanks for the help :)

Buying a car v.s buying car insurance?

My father doesn't have credit history because he never used credit card or anything. My credit is way better than him. I'm getting an car loan but worrying about the insurance problem. I'm only 21 in college my insurance will be extremely high so i'm just wrondering can i buy a car with my name and buy insurance with my dad's name? Are we allowed to do tat?

I NEED A CHEAP AUTO INSURANCE ONTARIO?

I have my g2, i am 19 years old, and i am trying to find a cheap insurance to quote me on a cheap car....its only a 99 cavalier 4 door. I have done a lot of online quotes and i have basically gotten the same quote around $430. I would like a quote more around the $200 range!! Help! Anyone know of any cheap auto insurances?? Thanks!! Carley.xo""

Umbrella insurance?

instant quotes for the stand alone umbrella insurance in california

What is the most affordable health insurance in NYC?

My friend doesn't have health insurance and is planning on putting his new baby (born around Oct.) on his policy with him. He's Latin American and has his permanent residence card, but is not yet a citizen. Anyone know of any affordable plans for him to look into in the Manhattan area?""

Do i need insurance to get a title transferred into my name?

I just bought my first car, and i have never had insurance. i live in pennsylvania, so can i go the the title transfer place and get it done without insurance? ill get insurance the next day, but insurance companies will not accept me until the title is transferred?""

Average 125 motorbike insurance ?

can anyone give me an idea how much insurance would cost me on a 125 motorbike i am 41 and would be driving on a full driving licence.

Can you get real auto insurance without a license ?

I dont have a license or a California ID i am a teen 18 years old have my passport and birth certification but that's it so can i get auto insurance and how much would it be if yes

Car insurance issue(s). Please share your experience and help if you can. Thanks?

My car caught on fire due to some electrical wiring, im fully comp, and have never claimed before. But sneaky as they are, they have told me that they do not cover electrical wiring faults, which has caused the fire. But the AA who towed my car in has catergorised it as fire damage. Surely they must cover the fire damage. I took it to a repair centre near me, and have asked them to have a quick check, and they also say its fire damage and what not, this has been procrastinated for so long by the insurance company, (claims company rather) that i can't remember what the repair centre has stated. Surely, fully comp covers something like this? THEIR engineers have said that there was no further damage to the rest of the car, but can i trust THEIR engineers? A full check up costs a lot, as they would have to take apart the car ( i believe? ) When i rang up the lady at the claims centre, she had no idea what case i was on, she literally said 'give me a moment to read up on your case' for me, thats a bit pathetic. While speaking on the phone with her not only was she rude, almost shouting at me (as i pressed on further ) . She told me she would send the company policy booklet to show that electrical wiring is not covered, and a letter stating the case was closed and in detail what the whole case is about. A week and a half has gone by (she said couple of days) This is the most annoying thing. She was rude, unhelpful, unwilling to help, and just taking the pee with the whole thing. I just find it sketchy that the letter has not been made, and no further actions or anything has happened (i have also opened another case about another incident - no info .. still) . I think they are just hoping i'd give this up as they are so unwilling to pay out. This is the reason I have insurance. Whats the point otherwise? Sorry for the long read. I have no idea what to do now, can i take it to a small claims court or talk to someone in the city council to further my case? Thanks""

Do I need to pay insurance on a SORN car?

Hi if i declare my car SORN (UK) do i need to pay insurance or MOT?

""Can you suggest a good,affordable health insurance plan?""

I am an adjunct instructor at two colleges in Michigan. Neither institution offers health insurance for adjunct instructors. For the last three years I have been getting health Insurance through a postdoctoral fellowship. Now this fellowship has come to an end, and I am in desperate straits. I have heart problems and I need specials medicationss for depression and attention deficit disorder.What do I do?""

Car insurance for married couple!?

Hey there! My wife and I both used to have our own car insurances until a few months ago when we decided to drop hers and add her to my policy to save some money. She got into an accident the other day; everyone's okay and it hasn't been determined who was at fault yet. I was wondering if this is going to affect MY driving record as well considering that we are sharing a car insurance policy? I realize that our premium might go up but I guess I want to know if the premium would go up even if we decided to get her off of this policy and find her a separate one with another insurance company. Do insurance companies look at which driver and which vehicle (we each have our own car) was involved in the accident or does it all just go by the policy number?

Teen car insurance (I NEED HELP KNOW!!!)?

I'm 16 year old and i want to get an car insurance for on my own policy separate from my parent how much would it cost if my car was a 2005 Ford Mustand Gt and i was leasing it out.

texas insurance journal

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/where-could-i-find-average-us-auto-insurance-daniel-franklin/"

0 notes

haeroniel-doliet · 6 years ago

Text

dwhos here for another raaaaaant (vent)? topic is friendships but lets see where thisll go! waheyy let us insert the read more.

kayokay okay welcome youre gonna regret this; if you havent read through my shitty vents before prepare for ilegibility and thought trains going all over the place and references to things and people youll never know okay great you got off this train? cool gives me more power to crash it see ya.

okay where do we even begin, oh lets go wild and push out a couple topics first. one is; how shit has improved being uni and how everything seems awful brighter now; why it hasnt actually improved and im lonely as ever; how lonely have i always been; but am i really lonely or just think i should have more bc expectations; why im like this and cannot form relationships

lets start with a bit of a history dive eh eh this is what youre here for, me oversharing my life to nobody thatll read it but come on anyway bc one of the reasons i even fucking do these is because; ironically enough; i have no friends to vent this to!! nobody who actually gives a shit!! and even if they did i have a lot more words and confused thoughts to write out here that would just be really mean to inflict on someone else.

ok so, classically as a kid ive almost grown as an only child, obviously have a big bro of 7 yrs older that i never formed more of a bond to than the one we share by sharing a family. aka we barely talk. but like i know he doesnt hate me i guess? ok im not gonna go there. its a weird mess. but. all childhood was mostly me playin by myself bc our family friends had kids his age not mine, and we moved around a bunch too and people came in and out, i guess i made ‘best friends’ pretty easily, but none stuck around longer than a year maybe 2-3. bc thats how life was and as a child i guess it wasnt a bother bc hey, let me be friends with everyone! oh but protective parents also mean mostly on my own. thats cool. im totally mature to be sitting at the adults table (there was no kids table) well early at 6-7. mhmmm

lemme return to finland and start being an early awkward preteen! oh ill be friends with everyone! oh. everyone already has their best friend or best friend group? oh i get left on the playground alone ‘playing the dog at home while they go shopping okay playground games were lame but whaddyou do’ aight cool im okay with this theyre all my friends and im gona draw you all to make friends and nobody like actually bullies me or thinks im weird i guess, anyway school work. oh okay ill make best friends w my neighbour bc were only 7 days apart in age and thats crazy!! i guess we also make friends with lil girls next door bc were 10- 12 and thats what u do. sure. i feel rather criticised by my so called bff bc. we are not on the same wavelength, i feel dumb, im never as funny even if they are hilarious to me, i do gross things w out thinking (imagine having to be told by your friend that you need to buy deodorant when you never thought abt it) and like a bunch of other stuff like not picking up on social cues they dont wanna hang out with me or they dont think looking at funny pictures on the phone is fun... oh okay i mean i guess theyre way better than me but were still friends right? uh yeah.

okay lets take a gap and go to uk, oh wow, SHIT people actually miss me at home?? im making friends with all these kids in my neighbourhood! oh i can be like the movies where they go down the street and hang out and have movienights awesome! who this is the best! fucking halloween w other 13 yr olds?? having hobbies w them? walking to the bus together and home together?? mad. wild. friends. lets ignore the school consisting of pricks and the only time in my school career ive gotten bullied. like classic bullying. pens thrown at me, butt touched, skirt lifted, name called, teasing my ‘naivety’ (do you work at the dildo factory? haahah. are you frigid? would you have sex with me if i bought you a burger?) oh 13-14 yr olds.... ok no its a wild really good and really shit year combined into an okay year. let me just return home and promise to keep in touch and really very barely keep in touch with any of them. thanks instagram for enabling minimal contact and keeping up w each other.

(also back then made my first post cryin to tumblr oh why cant i have tumblr besties like everyone else seems to, please someone be my internet buddy! lucky enough actually talked to Amelia a lot, though...... 14 yr old and abt 20 smth. but we played minecraft together and made two shit youtube videos of our competition participation like. you were a good friend to me. never pushed it too far and i really liked having a mature friend. such a shame you seem to have disappeared off the internet (anywehre i know how to reach you) bc hell, i would not have been opposed to meeting you finally irl at fuckin mcm like i always kinda wanted to bc i saw ppl online do, anyway i hope ur life is good and thanks)

kay so, finally back home weve all moved past the best friend cliques okay okay my class is actually fuckin rad like whaddu you know i dont have to aggressively swear and avoid hugs anymore (self defence from that shitty year) but actually have all these wholesome friends, ofc there were stronger relationships between some people but! i was included. i felt good. it was good. i figured out this being everyones friend thing. im a proper teen now eh. oh but i still had my best friend (briefly moirail) maxx! talking everyday at least for least half an hour if not more, skype calls... watching movies together... sending shit to canada and that one mail i got from you and planning so hard a visit there, even if it felt unrealistic. maybe even spending too much time on you and not making as many connections to my class friends as i could have, u know. stuck on my phone to always be available to you. making you more important. dunno how often id talk thru a crisis in class or however late at night bc, i wanted to be there for you! i loved being needed and being an important piece in moving thru tough times. sure detrimental maybe irl but i was being too much online anyway which i still do but were not there yet. besides, that relationship has had a bit of a roller coaster in the past nearly4 yrs (is it more?) shit that started from an rp and then slowly talking more to being moirails to being the tightest best friends “momma” and all, to your irl friends breaking it up slowly, then a boyfriend really took oyur time and we didnt talk daily lt alone ever get to call bc... shit. okay but i was friends with your boyfriend and though i saw it wouldnt last i was okay with it, like right cool thats teh boyfriend and im the bestfriend. im still involved. yeah man. oh you broke up and now talk more to me! fuck yeah. ill take your side in this regardless. lets get close again even if its not quite the same. i try join your cosplay groups though i cant help feeling me joining killed them, and i followed some you were passionate on! drew all those rad characters of you and your friends to feel adequate and appreciated. then you ad your drama, hated this kid and i wasnt even rly involved. all of a sudden, tight friends, oh i get to be in a chat w you both and a rad other person i had a mild crush on! rad. hell yeah. ive never been in a groupchat like this! this is great i love it. and the vikings came up. and your new friend left bc i was a cis girl and he has problems and could not deal with me not agreeing with his shit argument. (about my countrys history!!) anyway. they make their groupchat, groupchats die. oh. great i ruined it. okay. i no longer know whats in your life.... oh youre best friends now? i kind of have to bug you to even get added to your ‘friends page’ as dumb as it is. i get knocked right aside as hes the bff and the greatest sweetest person ever even though he still seems like a major dick and even your cool older friend agrees with me..... a load of bullshit and weve drawn apart to barely talking once a week and ive still sent you many gifts bc i think its great! until. yeah i wasnt gonna send anymore till you promised to set me up with cosplay pieces for christmas and i freak out to send you smth in return (never got more than measurements from me, and due to shit timing i didnt even get to be there for you opening the presents which fuckin ruined it) but whats this? a year on im fucking coming to america and conviced my parents to also go to canada???? fucking insane. still we dont talk much, the plans werent like i expected but i met you and the cool older friend! amazing! it happened! youre real! i brought you more gifts and i got pictures with you and its, it doesnt feel real still. i keep the fucking bus ticket i took from toronto to guelph to remind me. sure i didnt like get much from you back and thats kay different monetary situations and all and yeah. wild. oh but we still barely talk after? no its ok i get it youre not that good with texting people anymore (even if you kept texting you bff while i was there.... like. maybe he was having a crisis i can understand but... please you barely talk to me anymore and now amazingly im there and. you still talk to him a lot. okay...) ‘ew were not dating were just best friends!” a month later becomes ‘this is my boyfriend and bff i love him more than anything else in the world” ‘oh but hes absolutely a huge mean prick who is super self centered and manipulative,’ and i guess you needed to feel needed like i did and dedicated everything to this shitstorm of a human but. okay... weve drifted apart further, till i demanded thru to your discord (not even active anywhere else) and try damn hard to still talk to you. but its just not genuine. i wanna talk abt important shit to me and worries about myself, but life is difficult on you and i dont feel like you do the same to me so i cant. is it no longer part of our relationship? i guess)

anyway chapter; who the fuck cares; why i feel i can open up to internet friends more than irl ones;;coming up, the other irl exploits after 9th grade.

internet friends are based on talking over text and emotions that come up in the moment and contacting them whenever. with irl people, ive always set a sort of boundary that like. our quota of talking is irl. i might message you online but its strictly related to irl things or smth we discussed irl, u feel? even then i mostly never message anyone (thank the two friends in uni ive talked to more than anyone else) but still. theyre people i will unload burdens to IRL when im sitting with them for hours talking about our fucked up relationships with things and life and thats beautiful. but its not consistent through life? like rn all this shit. i cant just go and vent tto you (i guess i could but who knows if youre mad busy and needa be up early tomorrow or are already sleeping or have other shit on your mind, let alone would be offednede by me being so explicit abt me feelings w friendship u being my friend.) anyway, internet friends have broken that and sometimes i talk abt dumb shit ive seen that remind me of them or i wanna get a reaction from someone about and sometimes this bullshit. but more recently, (my discord has fuckin 3 ppl) i cant. i mean. idk if ever could and now theyre just being better w themselves but i cant? Ana tries being a friend and a good online friend but. i cant take it any deeper than like, look how cool this is! yeah that is cool bc theyre exhausted and dont wanna deal w others bullshit and dont want me to deal with theirs bc theyre online to avoid it. all of which i understand but. its kind of hard to deal with. like. youre currently only passionate about your gays in southpark. two things i dont care bout jack shit (actually hate south park idec) and then your response to me just like contemplating quizzes or the way i felt in the mirror at ballet or like smth that comes up to me when im talking abt normal shit, i get an ok, i dk how to respond or, i dont really care. and wildly i love the honesty, and glad to have lines drawn for me when i dont see them, but it always feels like a smack in the face regardless. having stepped out of line and not having realised and stopped before they had to tell me to stop. like it was w that old neighbour bff. i could never tell when she wanted me to leave her alone or smth bc i was having fun! but shed be tired of it and it just. always hurt realising i was too wrapped up in emotion and myself to realise i was annoying or overstepping boundaries and im still terribly self concious about it bc i feel terrible being a bad person like that! i wanna be the perfect friend.ugh.

the other people on my discord are maxx and the cool older canadian dan, who still is rly cool and admirable. and i feel bad. bc when i first got the dumb thing i talked to him like adults! yea! talked abt maxx and a bit of college and a bit of life and like. it was good! he said good night friend <3 which is like!!! the most wild and exciting thing it fuckin exhilirates me to be called friend in converstion like please fuck validate me being your friend!!!! (god isnt that sad and basically gonna sum up this whole thing) anyway recently im sure things have been sad or busy or hes just that kinda person but my last 4? attempts for convo have gotten no response, even when hes online (supposedly when its ok to message him) and i no longer want to say anything unless its smth im sure id get a response to. bc then im just buggering and annoying the poor guy and become annoying. (even if hes said he doesnt mind and thinks im a great person. i hope) and maxx u know. i can message, and i do, and now more than in a rly long time i- oh my god i get responses!! still they cut short. theres no, hey sorry i dont care or, hey i gotta go, or hey i dont wanna talk abt this, just. no more responses. and i guess my conversational skills are rusty and i havent written anything thatd get an easy response from them! (but stilll, should talking to friends rly require you to formulate conversation starters and talk in a way that doesnt provoke too much but is just easy enough for them to respond briefly and with no investment to make talking to me easy as possible? idk even iguess? maybe im shit at having friends and thats why i have none. shush.)

okay lets head back to irl. high school was shitty weird thing, around 10 ppl in class and i only made friends w 3? got bullied for a good couple days on a trip by 1 and another class person. terrible trying to make friends and keep friendly with everyone in a tiny school but i managed and alls good, and even still, just made friends with the most compatible people, not sure if id have been friends with otherwise. one a nervous wreck of a boy that the teacher tried to like ‘ship us together with’ but while he had a girlfriend and we managed to keep conversation joking and chill (as it should be and i made good sure of it) it was fine, he still like i a very girlfriend oriented person and i guess doesnt chat much online w other girls? im cool with it, a couple snap updates on life here an there its whatever. youre an anxious person anyway and we dont always like. work as friends. another was from japan, who id decieded to make a friend if only to have a friend in japan to visit and to teach me a bit (and teach us to make food! okay im so glad we were friends) and at school it was great enough. helped her get confident in speaking english and correcting work and sitting together at lunch and hanging out outside of school on the rare occasion schedules lined up was fab! i actually am gonna miss her. even if we werent close. and i feel bad bc idk if she wants to keep in contact, and i really suppose i should just aim to write her like a text once a month or so to keep in touch thatd be good, cover that. keep up english and so on. maybe (ps old friends from childhood pop up every now and then on social media and have the rare chat which is quite nice actually! even if im not active or keep them updated, some realtionships i like to leave lukewarm and not hateful but smth thats easy to catch up with if opportunity comes up. i actually can do that quite a lot, make good conversation and feel friendly and make acquaintances. i just. have no idea how to push them to proper active friendships (it just happens sometimes by accident) and no absolute clue how to make htat into a very close “bff we share everything i can message you whenever” kinda relationship classic media like facebook portrays idk. do i need it? i guess not but i kinda wanna know what thats like bc relationships are not a thing for me. lets make that its own paragraph) oh but also on old school friends my frustration of a few days, just. a friend that is the easiest to keep in touch with bc they intitiate and have time and want to do things, but god its annoying and i dont like them. our humours dont align and i feel judged and criticised and like. idk. dont feel great w them. theres moments of like genuine “im glad i met you bc i would have switched schools otherwise” from her and a jar of reminders why were friends and some good memories, but its just. she drains me. and i dont wanna talk deep w her. and though to some other friend it seems like we are heckin dating in secret bc of how comfortable we are and how much we end up communicating to organise things, uhm were not. i wouldnt date her ever im sorry. struggling to stay friends and have it fade to the background amicably before i do or say smth wrong and fuck it up. anyway its just bugging me and i hate it bc i feel bad for her and bad for myself and its just a mess that i dont wanna deal with that mucheven if i talked my parents ear off about it.

ok intermission to parents. in a way no. no fuck they are not my friends. my mom will never be my best friend and i dont think they want that either,being classic parents and allbut i guess, sometimes when i get past the ugh youll never understand youre so god damn annoying!! teenage phase my brain still has, i do talk to them about a lot of things that upset me, bc unlike friends, they cant decide not to care about me or stop talking to me u know. i have vented about shit practices that have really tested my self worth and lack of emotions (remind sobbing like a bitch with a mud covered ass walking home from a terrible skating practice and falling in the rain) and mom comforting thru it. mind telling them all the pent up feelings abt flatmates and analysing them to her like”well shes rly nice and we talk abt this and this but i cant help but feel she doesnt really wanna talk to me and also they didnt wanna hang out and they keep leaving their dishes and told me to clean mine but they did this and that and....” i never talk about internet friends or a lot abt other things bc. not relevant and i dont think id hear what i wanna hear. but im kinda glad i still can do that and vent to them abt like real life things and things that upset me even if its not exhaustive and i cant do everything and they dont fill the gap of this “true best friend” i have emulated. but thats a point of why im not rly lonely. bc i have outlets to a lot of these needs that im not missing it all . just dont have it all in one person or even a small group of ppl.

wht next. oh remind me to come back to group things online. anyway lets give uni a try. so weve talked abt my two impressive friends irl who take the same course as me and kind of have dragged me thru and have gone to hobbies w me and hung out w me for hours and actually come to visist me in london an been cool? yeah theyre pretty rad people and very smart and im glad theyre in my life. even if w al the ranting im not comfortable messaging them all hours of the night to talk abt all my insecuritites and thoughts and problems u know. and one is dating and both have flatmate drama and other groups of friends and tho theyre friends between each other we dont like. make the ultimate trio which is why were not moving in together ( also reminder to being called the 3 musketeers w my high school two gals bc we were seein kinda doing everything together (in school) by me sticking us all together with my “i need to feel validated with friends” glue. that was quite nice.)

but like in uni, ive said it to a lot of people. its amazing. ive never been happier knowing this many people. i dont make drama, i almost never get included in any drama so all i get are friends!!! and having flatmates, and flatmates friends, and class mates, and people ive just met , and hobby friends i just knew so many people thatd be friendly to me and even smile at me in passing it feels great man. having multiple group hobbies and socials to go to (even if i dont drink much and its not like were partying) it feels good man. i want more of this next term now that i have no”i dont know anyone there” excuses. god i love it. i love waving to people i know, i love getting a ride from someone to go hang out t another friends place and people knowing me by name and caring about my presence! (though not too much, like nobody would miss me i guess, but i still have more of a place to carve and i cant say for sure that they did not notice me missing) anyway archery has been terrbily wholesome and one of the best things ive invested time into and im sad some of the happy faces there are leaving this summer....... and sure none of these friends have gone even to proper hugging levels, let alone talking together without a group of people or god, messaging privately if not strictly club stuff (ok theres like, a couple, one that im delighted about and cant wait to hang w in finland even tho theyre cooler than me) but u know, same problem w. hm were friends within this hobby group. were not like. actually friends outside of this and wouldnt hang outside of it. uh. yeah. dont rly have that many that kinda friends..... just 2 in fact. ill work on that....

side note, i try joining in online groups like mxrp discords, and an odd skype chat for homestuck cosplayers. but its kinda the worst. i dont mind observing and reading in and commenting in my head and rarely actually participating tho nobody knows who i am, but like. nobody knows who i am or cares if im there at all. and its kind of a not great feeling. im not needed or wanted here. they just dont mind me being there u know. idk wht to do with those feelings. i dont really wanna make myself obnoxiously present and make people remember and want to talk to me and actually become immersed in it, bc these dont seem like that great people idk. i guess im too ‘mature’ to just go omg i love you an all that.

anyway lets dive into hmmmmmm why am i still lonely? funny question eh. its because i have no consistent close relationships with anyone. have i ever? maxx was closest but i guess nawh here we are. i can get close to u in a night of just talking for hours but. if it doesnt carry through consistently does it count? i have a couple people to message when im delighted abt smth (heck even post to snapchat to get those lukewarm friendships to be reminded of me) and i have my parents to be sad to about a certain category of things that i share w them (like hobby frustrations and friends theyve met frustrations, and some body upset) i have this hunk of friends in uni i can hang out and chill with and will continue making better friends with gladly. im not an isolated herrmit (all the time) nor do i think im socially despicable. im just. normal. online ive felt more and more as much as i spend my entire day online w all these things im not an internet person??im not always posting on social media, im not always talking to 10 ppl at once, im not writing or creating media, im not consuming other than youtube actually, (like i dont watch shows u knw) , all i do is rp when i muster the strength and hang out lukewarm on tumblr posting rants and reblogging pretty and fun things, not getting involved much. not a fan of anything, not obsessed w anything, not overtly gay ( i dont even know what i am but girls are pretty and sex and relationships get gross as soon as you add me into the picture) and not an exciting personality. hell. i currently fuckin like ballet and archery and like. thats about it. (also hahahhahh catch me going down the abc list of hobbies, aikido, archery, badminton (w archery ppl) ballet. what next. cricket? crochet... cooking? dance (ballet) fencing gaming (hah no), hockey? ice skating ( im already doing it) like look at me anyway shh) im not trans and i dont feel gay enough to fit in (what a rant that is, but im just ignoring it for now) im so boring. too reational, too uninvolved, too unopinionated/have an opinion but prefer to keep quiet and at peace. i guess this is what normal people are like off the internet. and ill just deal with it. but how normal people fill the gap are these ridiculously idealistic bff groups that i clearly dunno how to achieve, and uh. relationships.

so i can foresee a future where an imaginative foggy figure will care about me so much and want to hear all these rants and talk about all my wild thoughts with me and love me and remind me of it and be happy around me and think im funny and make me feel good and loved and better than i am and be someone i love being aorund constantly and wont have to feel self concious with or like i need to be putting on the front that is not gross and is a lovely sociable person. like i doubt they even exist. the kind im specifically thinking off thatll make life a sunset gold and unbelievably happy and good. ill save that sunset gold feeling to my dream future, one in which im happy with my body and personality and have that shadowy figure that makes me all whole and better than im alone and all these pets and animals that i love and love me and plants and color and art and whimsical decorations and yknow. i see it in my head. it feels real good. i kinda wanna see if itll actually happen. it just. it feels so fuzzy and warm and i would love for that actually be real and look back on this and be like. i have it. everythings complete. we can dream. i might get it when im grey and old and all alone but found smth that makes it that good. anyway im not discounting that there might be ‘the one’ in that future, the perfect one. but. i still doubt in the present when or if ill ever meet them let alone if i do htat anything would happen. ive never ever dated anyone or even come close to it. i dont understand how people just, end up in relationships or almost always have one, and i guess im not trying to bc idk if i want it- idk if im ready for it, but its a weird one ill tell u. i feel with this perfect imaginary figures all these bad feelings would go away and i could talk about them and someone help me fix them and become more and better than my thoughts. but i dont wanna look for one. i dont wanna experiment in relationships so that im ready and wont fuck it up when the one comes bc, its horrendous and stressful and im gross! im not dating material. nah. and obviously nobodys tried to date me so were all on the same page. honestly once i sort out the other things wrong w me, i might just get to therapy for this shit. like. why are relationships such a shit concept to me and like why and how do i deal with it without just saying fuck it relationshipss are not for me. i have no doubt ill keep making connections and friends throughout my life in all different random places, but im actually... kinda afraid none will stick around. if i cant form consistent strong friendships theyre al gonna fade away and ill have nobody when i need someone. having that one solid person would really help bc theyre there thick and thin i guess aparently. i have myself, but considering what a mess i am idk if thats enough at all. i think i should change myself an awful lot though before a relationship could happen. like. nobody wants a barely showering fat chubby in an awkwardway terrible skinned messy sad blabbery person. like. just a gross one. i gotta become so much better before i can even consider letting someone past to get this close i guess. i guess. these feelings are really not settling here and i feel off the rocker. like unsettled and uneasy. also i need to pee which is rly not helping feel less gross. that and my hair is nasty greasy bc rather than take a shower at a reasonable time i did.... nothing. and then i started writing this an hour, two hours ago? more? idk.

kay then, we have reflected briefly while i was away on how fat and ugly i am and how hopeless considering ive been trying to finish a knitting project for my baby cousin and start drawing again or even just playing my old pokemon game (yknow summer vacay) things in the past few days. nawh. havent. even more productively i should have done actual exercise to build my stamina and make faster improvements in ballet and actually try and tackle the fat and ugly feeling in 8 weeks (but that like... requires diet control... which is hard?) and like o u know. finishing my fucking university course ive lied to everyone abt? ok lets be real i have passed the year and can move into the next w the credits i have and passed all the mandatory classes. but. i want/ need to pass this class. and i already forked out 30 pounds hopefully correctly to apply for a resubmission (more like first submission) of all these projects and its hard. considering in my hirearchy of shit that needs to be done (easiest most necessary first) i havent even reached the first ladder of like washing my nasty hair. the ladder includes all the above projects and at the end of it is like completing that course (needs to be done by the end of the month u kno bitchh. u dont know how long its gonna take you cannot leave it to the last few days. and this other bulshit course idk if ill even get credit for completing late and dont know if i care but i guess i gotta do it anyway

basically i just wanna d ie. thatd be nice. id not have to feel fat and stupid and worthless and discomfrot in my own skin and just. nasty and numb but bad all over. okay im really not feeling great bout now. but thanks to all the above weve realised i have nobody to talk to whod talk me out of these feelings and comfort me (let alone if im capable as a person to accept that considering theyd have to be very convicing to get past me going “mhmmm but youre wrong” )

anyway this has been terribland i havent achieved anything but feelin kinda bad. we have covered that ive never had proper friendships and that might be detrimental to me ever forming the kind of close companionship i seem to be missing, however at least i can make easy friends briefly and as such know im not a terrible person thru and thru that people hate. i just dont know how to cross that nd not be horribly annoying or how to find those kind of people bc shit and bullshit. do i need it? no i guess ill be fine. would it make my life better and more worth it? probably. id hope so. i mean it seems pretty important in human existence for there to be so damn many songs and movies and aboslutely everything focused around it.

anyway. i know nobodys gonna finish reading this and i kinda hope i dont read back on this either. my cringey diary moments hidden under a readmore on tumblr. whats sadder.... tsk who wants to figure out how many words this all is?

mhmmmm mmm 7 pages on word and 6059 words. damn gurl. no FUCKIN WONDer nobody wants to talk to me about my thoughts and feelings when they just erupt. bc even by erupt i mean a mild discomfort that im trying to pin down to a cause and an actual feeling so and so unsuccessfully.

#tf when youre your own therapist #hah yeah thanks tumblr for being my digital diary #cringey enough and private enough it may as well never be read by anyone #but still if some crazy dumbass read it all theyd know me all too god damn well #but its not like...anyone ive mentioned will ever fucking read it. even consider to #aka #if you stumble past this #i guess you can assume its not abt you #ugh #this didnt even help that much #time to try option c #ignore everything and numb it with some rad youtbe videos for another 4 hrs and crash asleep at 5 am and everything continues to be bad #but like bad tomorrow #sorry this was a vent post #a very long one over 6000 words #i am SO sorry if youre on mobile and the readmore didnt work

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