#I have faith in Yuta being in top 10

[astral-from-afar]

For the next two weeks I am going to make it my life goal to get Yuki + Kirara to top 10 for this jjk poll and Maki top 3. I’m not letting them be sidelined for Naoya to be on that list again.

[kweebtrash]

Duality (M)

Messy Chapter 10

Pairing(s): OC X Johnny

Genre: College AU, Fuckboy AU, Smut, Angst

Summary: Fuckboys are basically good for one thing. You hit it and quit it- except when his voice draws you in, his body keeps you there, and dumb ass feelings linger making things particularly messy.

Warnings: alcohol, drugs, broken friendships/relationships, not really being into sex but continuing anyway, bunch of crying and sad feelings, little bit of violence, jealousy

Features: daddy/princess/bdsm dynamics, kinda primal/prey vibes (just a lil bit), oral, handjob, light restraints/blindfolds, use of a vibrator, fingering, finger sucking, rough sex, spanking, choking, squirting, over stretching, unprotected sex (i really have to make them behave more sorry), cumshot, subdrop/explanation of subdrops.

Word Count: 20.5k

A/N: ‘they’ and ‘she’ are used interchangeably on purpose. My laptop shut off in the middle of editing and i basically screamed so if there’s mistakes i’ll fix them later when I don’t want to die. Also, vine reference. Also, song Johnny sings is church by chase atlantic (Don’t @ me i’m seeing them in a week and I’m excited ok.) Also pt 3, i’ll add a better gif when I can find one. i haven’t gotten one that feels like it sets the mood right. also pt4, i hate this chapter and think its terrible. apparently 10 is my unlucky number because i always have a hard time with chapter 10s of my series. so fml ig.

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I knocked on the apartment door, almost slamming my fist against it. I was trying to keep my cool but absolutely failing miserably. I rubbed at my cheeks, erasing the tears that were pooling on my waterline and falling in fast globs. He opened the door and welcomed me into his arms, squeezing me tight. He didn’t say anything for a moment, just pushed back my snow damped hair and kissed my forehead. Running to him first was a new experience for me yet he was the only person I had faith in at this moment. I was getting closer to wanting to evaporate into non existence and forget that I ever had a life.

“I can help you…” Taeyong whispered. “I know it’s fucked up but we can get through this.”

I knew he was trying to be reassuring but my mind couldn’t even grasp that concept. “I’m a mess, Tae. I really am. I have no idea how to fix this or how to fix anything. And now my closest friends- Johnny, Yuta, Ten- they all wanted these pictures and shared them? How could I ever trust them after that?”

"I told you Johnny wasn't that great. Yuta and Ten have been shits too. On top of that, Lucas shared a picture in the chat a while ago."

"L-Lucas?" My heart broke, absolutely shattered into minuscule shards. Above all else Lucas was my baby. I loved him so much, I cared for him, I made sure he was fed, I held him when he cried over being homesick. The feeling of betrayal was taking over and I grabbed onto Taeyong to try and ground myself any way possible. "Tae, I…"

"I know...come here." He helped pull off my coat and scarf and lead me to his room. Being in his arms and curled up in bed sounded so good right now. I wanted to forget everything, forget that I had to cut my friends off, forget that I had to try and piece everything together. We both slipped into his bed and snuggled under the covers. I rested my head on his chest, listening to the soft thrum of his heartbeat. "We can talk to them. They need to delete the pictures. If they see how hurt you are they'll do it no matter what. It was a game to them before."

"Do you really think that just talking to them is going to change their minds about having these pictures of me? I don't even know how many they have! My sessions with them last hours, there could be hundreds. I almost feel as if it's not worth it…"

"Don't say that." He kissed me gently and cupped my face. "Please don't. They need to know that this is wrong. I’m gonna be with you, Eri. You can trust me.”

I clutched onto his shirt and buried my face in his shoulder. "Why now, Tae? Why would you start caring about me now?"

"I told you, I never hated you. And I know that this is just more drama but it's different circumstances this time. I've always liked you. We hung out for a bit when we were working on that project but after that we fizzled out. I want to get back where we were."

"W-what do you mean?" Was he confessing to me? Did he actually like like me? It only made my head spin more. I couldn't even think straight or see what was right ahead of me.

"I mean…" He pushed me down gently, making me flush with the mattress. "I would much rather be able to protect you then have some giant idiot fuck things up."

"Y-yeah but I…" I couldn't possibly tell him that I was in love with Johnny since I felt that Johnny had betrayed me. I didn't want to talk to him at all, the hurt was too much to bear. Being here with Taeyong had me feeling confused and so vulnerable. I didn't know if I needed protecting. After all how could you protect someone from the outside dangers of rumor spreading and heartache? What would happen once those pictures were deleted? I couldn't get them back from everyone they had sent it too. It could be on a grander scale than their stupid group chat. My body could be spread throughout this entire campus and I would be none the wiser.

"He's no good for you Eri. None of them are. Just forget them. You have to start over now. They'll only hurt you more."

"I-it's not that easy, Tae. It hurts a-and-" He pressed his lips against mine then, catching me off guard. My hands clutched at his shoulders and I didn't know if I should push him away or pull him closer. I wasn't expecting him to kiss me nor was I expecting him to slide his hand under my shirt. "Tae, w-wai-"

"Shh, Eri. I'm here for you, ok?" He moved his other hand to hold mine, looking down at me with tender eyes that hid dangerous intentions. I averted my gaze and swallowed hard.

"I know, I know. And i-i'm grateful but it's just-" He kissed me again, keeping me quiet and in a vortex of weird emotions I couldn't  quite figure out. There were times where I kissed him back and other times where i wanted to disappear. It was like I didn't have a grip on reality or who I was anymore. I was feeling him faster than I anticipated, reeling in a mix of limbs, kisses, and touches. All I could think about was the pain in my heart and the vile acid in my stomach that made me sick. Flashes of those pictures danced behind my eyelids every time I squeezed them shut, like a paralyzing demon choking my sanity and ripping it apart. Something so simple as a cell phone picture could ruin someone's entire being and leave them soulless.

"Hey…" I opened my eyes and looked up at Taeyong. He pushed his sweat drenched hair back and gave me a puzzled look. "You ok?"

I finally registered that I was naked and he was inside me and had been for quite some time. My mind had drifted that far out. "Wha-? Yeah, I’m, uh, I'm good."

He smiled at me. It was cute and seemed gentle so I let him continue. I held onto him, easily wrapping my arms around his small back and feeling him resume his thrusts. I thought about all the men before him who had been inside me; the smiles, laughs, and lustful feelings I had with each one. Those had all faded away. Now all that was left was Taeyong hoping that I would somehow fall into his arms and stay there. I could but it didn't feel like I would be staying true to myself. I valued him as a friend but what were friends anyway when they didn’t give a damn about you. He stayed on top of me for a while and it did actually feel nice to have a bit of security. He kissed my cheeks, lips, and the back of my knuckles. I almost felt like those kisses were full of hope- a fresh start like what he said. I just needed to let it go, let everything go.

But there was too much I was tethered to.

When he fell asleep beside me I snuck out of his bed, got dress, and left as quietly as I could. The drive home felt like I was on autopilot an when I got to the apartment I was surprised to see him there.

"Eri!" He bounded towards me scooping me up in his big arms and spinning me around as if he hadn't seen me in years. His smile was big, dopey, and full of excitement I didn't return. He noticed something was wrong instantly and set me down. I didn't want to start facing my new demons right away but I guess it was time. "What's wrong?" Lucas asked.

I looked over at Quinn who was coming out of the kitchen, hoping that they would be a pillar of support. They could tell something was wrong as well and came over to my side. "Eri, what happened?"

I looked up at Lucas and squared my shoulders. "How many pictures do you have of me?"

He raised his eyebrow and laughed. "Tons! I mean we always take selfies together! Why?"

I shook my head. "How many pictures do you have of us fucking? How many pictures did you take without me knowing?"

His smile faded and Quinn traded confused glares between us. "Wait, what's going on?"

"Yeah, what exactly are you talking about?" He asked.

"The group chat, Lucas. I know all about it. I know all about the pictures you, Yuta, and Ten shared and what Johnny asked for. So how many do you have?" I said through grit teeth.

"Lucas, you took pictures of Eri without their consent?" Quinn's anger was starting to appear and Lucas' massive body seemed to shrink before us.

"W-well...I...I mean. It was just- I just-"

"You just what, Lucas?!" Quinn yelled. "Show them to me right now!"

"I didn't mean anything by it, I swear!"

"Then why did you send them to this group chat?! Who else did you send them to?" 

"I-i...I only sent it to the chat I swear! Taeil DM'd me so I sent it to him but they were the only people that saw it that I know of!"

"Tae-? Taeil too?!" I screeched. "Who the fuck is in this chat?!" I grabbed onto Lucas and shoved him towards the couch. Quinn made a quick rush for his phone that had been sitting on the coffee table.

"Unlock it, Lucas. Show us everything. And I mean everything." They said.

Lucas pressed his thumb to the home screen and went to the Facebook chat. "It hasn't been active much but you can see everything we've talked about." He said sadly.

Quinn scrolled through the messages and I read over their shoulder. We had scrolled all the way to the end of August, shuffling through stupid banter to get to the pictures and talks surrounding me. I collapsed into the single seat chair we had and closed my eyes. Now Taeil was roped into this which meant it was five people that I thought I could trust who dissolved our relationship into nothing.

"Wait," Quinn said. "Did Johnny not ever want to see these pics? It looks like he was trying to get them to stop."

I cracked open one eye and turned my head towards Quinn. Had they read something I skimmed over a little too much?

Lucas nodded. "Yeah, he never wanted the pics. He would always tell them to stop sending them and talking bad about you."

"Yeah, especially when you guys were keeping score of how many times you fucked Eri!" Quinn shoved at Lucas' head. "Have we taught you nothing?! We've done a lot for you! We've taken care of you and you're gonna treat them like that?!”

"I didn't think it was that bad! I still love you, Eri!"

I stood up slowly and took off my coat, leaving it behind in the chair. "Lucas, I just want you to know that I'm more heartbroken over you than anyone else. I've loved you for so long. You're like a brother to me. I held you and comforted you every time you missed your family and being back in China. I've taken care of you ever since Quinn bought you over. And now...you contributed to something that possibly spread to this entire campus. I don't think I'd ever forgive you."

"No! Eri! Please don't say that! I'm sorry! I haven't taken any other pictures since then!" He grabbed onto my arm but I shoved him away.

"Don't touch me!" I yanked my arm back and turned my attention to Quinn. "You handle him. I can't even look at him right now." 

Quinn sighed and tossed Lucas' phone onto the table. "Yeah...I will."

I made a break for my room and shut the door tight behind me. I flopped onto my bed and wrapped my arms around myself. I wasn't leaving my room, I decided. Class and work could fuck off. I didn't care anymore. I pulled my blanket over myself and hid away from the world hoping that somehow when I woke up everything would magically have gone back to normal.

I woke up, later on, to the smell of menthols and musk. I thought I had somehow rolled around in my bed to hit the wall but I realized the wall was breathing. I cracked my eyes open, wincing a bit at the light coming from my desk lamp. It was dim but I had spent so much time burrowed under the covers I needed time for my eyes to readjust. He was beside me, eyes closed, with his arms curled to his chest. How the hell did he get in here? Why was he here?

"Johnny?" I croaked.

His eyes shot open instantly as if he hadn't been asleep at all. "Hey, babe." He gave me a small smile. "How are you feeling?"

"What in the fuck are you doing here?" I didn't mean it to sound harsh but I was still tired and pissed that I hadn't fucking died in my sleep.

"Quinn texted me about all the...stuff."

"Mhm." I grunted and turned away from him. "You were ever gonna tell me?"

"At first I didn't care enough about you to. Then the stuff happened with me and you know who so I wasn't in the chat as often. Then the stuff happened with your family and now...it’s blown up. I wanted to, I did, but there was so much other stuff that got in the way. But I guess we have to face it now. I'm sorry, you know that right?"

"Yeah, everyone's sorry. Of course everyone is sorry now that they got caught. No one was sorry when I was tied up and helpless. No one was sorry when I had a gag in my mouth thinking I was having a good time. No one was sorry when they realized they didn't give a damn about me. No one was sorry before but they sure as hell are now, aren't they?"

"Eri," he snaked his arm around my waist and pulled me closer to him. "It's not exact-" He was silent for a moment. "Where did you get these hickies from?"

"What?" I turned my head towards him, confused and annoyed that he would bring something up like that now.

He tugged at the neckline of my shirt and pulled it back. "These are new."

I shrugged him off me and curled up. "I didn't even notice to be honest."

His tongue clicked against his cheek. "Who was it?"

"Does it matter?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because I want to know." He stated flatly.

"And? It’s none of your business."

"Eri, fucking tell me."

I sat up and glared right at him. "It was Taeyong. He told me about the pictures and he showed me screenshots of the group chat. He showed me a part of the chat where you asked the others how many pictures they had of me."

He scoffed and slammed his hand onto the mattress. "Taeyong! Of fucking course! Who else would it fucking be."

"I don't have time to deal with your pissing contest and jealousy Johnny. I really fucking don't."

"This isn't about jealousy! Don't you see what he's fucking doing?! He has some goddamn personal vendetta against me and he wants you!"

"What vendetta would he have against you?! And he doesn't want me like that, were just friends. I trust him. He's the only one who didn't fucking lie to me."

"I didn't lie to you!" He shouted. "I never did anything or asked for your photos. The ones you sent me are the only ones I have and they're password protected on my fucking phone. He took something that I said out of context and you actually doubted me?!"

"I don't know what to think anymore Johnny!! I'm losing my mind! I have to talk with all my friends about how they destroyed my feelings for them and completely disrespected me, I have to deal with these pictures, on top of my dead grandpa, on top of my family not being here for the holidays, on top of wanted to fucking off myself every three goddamn minutes! I didn't-" I huffed in frustration. "I didn't even really know when he was inside me. It was just kind of a blur. Everything's a blur…"

Johnny gripped my hand so tight I thought my bones we're going to crumble. "You didn't know what?"

"I just didn't know. It just sort of happened. It was kinda like I was going in and out. I was sad, then I was ok, sometimes I felt something and other times I just laid there. I-i don't know."

"Eri...did he hurt you?"

"No, it wasn't...it wasn't exactly like that. It was weird. I was weird. It's just...forget about it." I said defeated.

"Look at me." He forced my head up and gripped my chin tight. "Tell me if he hurt you! Tell me right now!"

"No, he…it wasn't...it's not like that. He's not like that. I know him."

"Do you?! Do you really think that he wouldn't hurt you or hurt me to get to you?!"

"Stop yelling at me!" I shoved his hands away and smacked his chest. "Just don't touch me! Don't kiss me! Don't do anything thing! Delete all those pictures you have of me saved! Delete them!"

He removed his phone from his pants pocket and tossed it in my lap. "Do it yourself since you don't trust me."

"I do trust you! I trust you too much! I trust everyone too much! I give everyone everything and all they do is fucking take from me!" Tears splattered on the phone screen and I tried to wipe them away but my hands were shaking too much. "When is it going to end? When is it all going to end?" I whispered.

He sighed and faced me, his legs crossed. He held out his pinky and I looked up at him, hiccuping through my tears. I linked us together and held on tight, wanting to feel grounded and loved and sane. He never gave me those things but I just needed someone. Anyone.

"Eriannalisse…" I knew he wasn't saying my birth name to spite me but rather to be entirely serious. "You helped me when I thought I was worthless and an empty void. I know you're feeling exactly that and I'm going to repay the favor. You're my friend, you may be one of my best friends. I've never cared about anyone this much other than Jae and my mom. I need you to know that what's happening, right here, right now, I'm going to make it end for you. I'm gonna make damn sure you're not suffering, ok?"

I sniffled and leaned into him, setting my head on his shoulder. "How can you be so sure? How can you promise that?"

"Because...I bet my whole fucking life on it."

--

Johnny's POV

He had a confused look on his face as soon as he saw me outside his dorm room. "Johnny," he purred. "What brings you here?"

"Can I come inside?"

"I love it when people come inside." I rolled my eyes at his double entendre but stepped into his room, taking off my coat and setting it on his desk chair. I rolled up my sleeves and crossed my arms over my chest.

"I need you." I said flatly.

Ten's eyes widened and I could see his face flush. "E-excuse me?"

"I need you, Ten. I need you to do something for me." I stepped closer to him, making him inch backwards until he fell back onto his bed. I crawled on top of him, grabbing his face and keeping us inches apart. "Will you do it?"

"I'll do anything for you, Johnny. You know I will."

He tried to crane his neck to kiss me but I snapped my head back. "Where's your phone? How about we take with some pictures?"

"Anyway you want me, baby. Of course." He said eagerly.

"Hmm," I hummed. "You love taking naughty little pictures don't you? My little slut."

"Yes! Yes! I do. Fuck, I never thought this day would come."

"Me either, sweetheart." I gripped his chin tighter. "Give me your phone."

His body shuddered at my command and he stretched his hand out to reach for it beside his pillow. I took it graciously and pressed my knee between his legs hard. "Now we're going to play a game. Wanna know what it is?"

He nodded like an excited puppy. "Yes please!"

"It's called," I lowered myself back to his face, gripping a fistful of his hair tightly. "You ever, and I mean ever,fucking take pictures of my girlfriend again, I’ll kill you!" I growled.

"Ahh, Johnny! Fuck that hurts! What girlfriend?!"

"You know exactly who I'm talking about. Eri! You took pictures without their consent and blasted it all over the chat! Who else did you send them too?"

"N-no one! When did you become official?!"

"DON'T LIE TO ME! I swear to God you better not lie to me, Ten."

"I-im not! I swear!! It was mostly with Yuta! He has them too!" He squeaked.

"I know he does. Trust me, he'll get his next. But right now I'm two seconds away from crushing your dick and I wouldn't fucking feel bad at all. Are they only on your phone?"

"Y-yes! Let go of me!"

I yanked his hair again. "They're not on a cloud?"

"No! I swear! My own pictures are in there. I don't use my cloud storage! Johnny!"

I forced him to unlock his screen and opened up the gallery. I had to scroll through a thousand photos but I found the chunk of Eri and deleted them at once before chucking the phone at his chest. "Find any that I missed."

I let his hair go and waited for him to delete any others. "Why the f-fuck are you acting like this?!" He sniffled.

"Why am I acting like this? Because you pissed me off, Ten! Eri has been through fucking hell and back. They're on the verge of fucking killing themselves and now this shit surfaces?! You don't mess with them ever. Not for any kink shit, or hanging out, nothing. Do you understand me?."

"What's going on with them?"

"Don't pretend like you fucking care!" I hissed. "If you cared enough you wouldn't have spread this shit. They trusted you during those kink times. You're their controller person! Aren't you supposed to treat the bottom person with respect?!" He averted my gaze and stayed quiet. I knew it clicked in his head then. "I know a lot about non consent and I'm the worst person to bring that shit to." I grabbed him by his shirt and pulled him to my face. "Say you won't go near them."

"Are you going to beat me up or something?"

"No, much worse. I'll find a way to bring you down if you cross me again. I just needed to get through to you and I know a little pain goes a long way. Now say it."

"I-i won't go near them…"

"Speak up!"

"I said I won't go near them!" He shouted.

"Glad we're on the same page then." I let him go completely and grabbed my coat. "Where's your shitty roommate?"

Ten shrugged. "Don't know really. I haven't seen him all day."

"Ten." I said sternly. 

"I mean it, asshole!" He threw his phone at me and I narrowly dodged it. "I hate you."

"The feelings mutual. If you see him, tell him Eri’s boyfriend is looking for him.”

--

Eri's POV

It was hard facing Yuta. I had managed to catch him as he was coming home from studying at the library and hanging with Taeil. He was all smiles at first, until he saw the look on my face. Though I tried to sleep more, I was starting to get anxiety every time I closed my eyes and nothing would make it go away. Johnny had been gone for awhile and said he would return after work but that was hours ago. That left me to face Yuta alone. We went into his room and he sat down on his bed, patting the space beside me. I followed and kept my head low, trying to take deep breaths.

"We need to talk." I began.

"Why? What's going on?"

"I...I found out something about you that I never would have expected."

"Oh? If it's something sexual I don't think you should be surprised." He chuckled a little then almost instantly shut up.

"No, it's... Taeyong told me about something you did."

"Taeyong? What the hell does he want? Another plot to get to you or some shit?"

"He told me about the pictures."

Color drained from Yuta's face and he quickly turned his head away from me. "P-pictures?"

"Don't try to lie now. I know about the pictures you took of me during our scenes, when I was tied up, when I was gagged, when I was blindfolded, when I had toys inside me. How could you do this to me? You're literally one of my good friends and you go and betray my trust? My privacy?!"

"Eri, it was- it wasn't-!"

"I said don't lie to me!" I grabbed my phone and pulled up Taeyong and I's past conversation. "I have screenshots. I have the pictures you sent into this group chat. For you to laugh at? Or jack off to? Who else did you send them to?!"

"It wasn't anyone specific! I mean Ten had seen them and I sent some to Taeil. Most of it went into the group chat so the guys saw it."

"Did you post any online?"

"Ah...only some cropped ones. Just focusing on the rope work mostly. Nothing identifying are on those."

“You will take them down immediately.” I commanded.

“It’s for my portfolio! Those pictures are just of the rope!”

“I. Dont. Fucking. Care. You can take new pictures for your stupid fucking portfolio with people that actually give you consent! I need them deleted!” I could see the hesitation in his eyes and it only made me angrier. “You and I were good friends! We’ve known each other since sophomore year! You made my body do amazing things and every time we kissed I...something sparked! We always laughed over anime and went to the bookstore, got boba, and hung out and this is how you repay me?!” I shoved at his shoulders weakly. We had built a relationship that was supposed to be stronger than most and yet it had crumbled away in the blink of an eye. I couldn't help the tears that ran down my face. They were almost painful with how hot and full of anger they were. I hated that I was crying. I was pissed off more than anything.

"I…" Yuta tried to find the words and I waited eagerly for some sort of explanation.

"Tell me! Tell me why you thought this was ok!"

"I wasn't thinking!" He shouted.

"Of course you weren't! You have no remorse for ruining my life!"

"It wasn't like that! I just sent it to the group chat! I didn't send it anywhere else! Only the people that you've fucked have seen them!"

"That's not the point, Yuta! Even if they've seen me naked a thousand times I didn't give consent to those photos! Why did you take them in the first place?!"

"You're gonna hate the reason." He said, his voice a little quieter.

"I already hate you. Make this worse. Go ahead."

"Please don't hate me, Eri. Please."

"No, you don't get a say in how I feel. Tell me why you did it!"

He pushed his hair back and rubbed at his eyes. "I just kept them to jack off too, ok? It's not a good reason. I told you, you would hate it."

"You're a fucking pig! You know that?!"

"Call me whatever you want. I deserve it."

"No, do not, and I mean do NOT, play the victim card!" 

"I'm not! I told you I deserve it! I told you the truth about why I kept them and I sent them because i wanted to! I wanted the guys to see them! I wanted them to see how hot you looked and it turned them on! It was all for us to look at and use. I can't lie about something I did! I’m sorry. I’m really fucking sorry!”

“You’re only sorry you got caught! We can't be friends anymore, Yuta. I mean it.”

“Eri, please, just listen-” He tried to reach out to me and I jumped up from the bed, backing away from him.

“Don’t come near me. Delete those pictures and if you don’t I’ll find out about it and it’ll be even worse. I swear.”

“I love you, Eri….” He whispered.

“No you fucking don’t! Don’t say that now! Don’t ever say that to me! It’s all bullshit. I’m not your manic pixie dream girl to put on a fucking pedastal when it’s convenient for you and I sure as hell ain’t your rope bunny anymore. Fuck off, Yuta. Fuck off and fuck you!” I opened his door and stormed out, running to the elevator and slamming my thumb against the down button. I looked at my phone and sighed. I wished I could talk to Johnny now but I knew he was busy. I had to stick it out by myself. The doors opened finally and my eyes went wide when I saw Taeyong in the elevator.

“Eri! What are you doing here?” he asked.

I sniffled and let out an exasperated sigh. “Talking to Yuta about the fucking pictures and telling him to delete them. It was...a mess.”

“I was about to do the same thing actually. I told you i would help you.”

“I know...thank you.” I stood quiet and stepped into the elevator.

“Do you want to maybe...hang out for a bit? I doubt you want to be alone right now.” He offered. I really didn’t know if I wanted to be alone or not. “We could go to my place…”

“Taeyong...about last time. Um...when we, ya know.”

“Hm? What about it?” He looked at me curiously.

“I wasn’t really feeling like myself so it was a bit weird for me and in general I don't think I can hook up with you anymore.”

“Wait, what? What do you mean you felt weird and we can’t hook up?”

“It’s not really you. I just...it’s kind of hard for me to be with anyone else right now. With everything that’s going on it’s not feeling right anymore.” I sighed. “I’m sorry.”

“So because of some pictures you’re gonna stop hooking up with me?”

“It’s not just the pictures!” Why wasn’t he understanding? “It’s all these guys that i’ve fucked that I no longer trust because of it!”

“Oh, but you trust Johnny?” He snapped.

I threw up my hands in frustration. “Yes I trust Johnny because I’m in love with him!” I screamed. Taeyong took a step back at my sudden confession. It was the first time I had told someone while I was sober, someone who wasn’t family, someone who was in direct contact with Johnny and could tell him at the drop of a hat. The elevator doors opened then and I rushed out not wanting to stay within the confines of my confession. I ran until my lungs burned, not sure where to even go. I just wanted to run away from my feelings like I always did. I was struggling to catch my breath with the icy air shredding my insides. I set my hands on my knees and huffed thinking about how stupid I was to not have gone back to the student parking lot. I could have just driven home and gotten cozy but no. Here I was freezing my ass off after admitting that I was in love and yelling at my former friend that I hated him. Life sure was fucking grand.

I pulled my scarf tighter around my neck and looked around to see if I was by any of the bus stops that looped around campus. There was one up ahead and it was directly in front of the coffee shop Johnny worked at. Would I seem too needy by going inside? Even if it was for just a bit to warm up? Yeah, that was my excuse. I shuffled in, hugging myself to stop my shivering. The inside of the shop was warm and cozy which was a godsend in this winter weather. It wasn't as busy, most likely since Christmas was just around the corner and the on campus students were preparing for finals and heading back home. He was propped up on the counter talking to his coworker, smiling and laughing a bit and I wondered if maybe they were flirting. No Eri, don't be that kind of person.

I stepped closer to the counter, staying quiet and hoping he noticed me. It turned out that were talking about Game of Thrones which was a completely normal thing to talk about amongst friends. What wasn’t normal was her "You should come over sometime and we can watch it together." No Eri, you can't deck a random girl in the face. 

"Well um...Eri!" Johnny's loud voice snapped me out of my evil thoughts and he jumped over the counter to come to my side. "Hey I'm going on break real quick!" He said to his coworker.

"But you already went on break!" She protested.

"Shhhh, were not busy just, fuck, give me like 10 minutes, ok?" She pouted and crossed her arms but he ignored her and pulled me over to the back table where we had sat months before. Yes Eri, you can feel a bit victorious over that. We slid into the booth on the same side and he set his arm on the back of the seat. "What happened? I told you I’d come over later."

"I talked to Yuta…" I began.

"Without me?Eri, you know I wanted to be there."

"I know but I just needed to get it over with. Then Taeyong showed up and-"

I noticed tension surrounding him and I set my hand on his chest. "Down, boy. We didn't do anything. I just came here."

"He's trying to screw you over, Eri. I fucking know it and-"

"I said down. I broke it off with him for good, ok? I don't want to be with anyone right now." I sighed.

"Wait...you don't want to be with me anymore?"

"No-no! I meant like I don't want to be with anyone else but you right now. We've just got this comfortable thing going on and it's like...uh...nice." I tried to recover as best as possible without sounding too desperate.

"Oh...cool." He leaned in for a kiss and i wrapped my arms around his neck, just needing him against me. He kissed my forehead and squeezed me tight, comforting me to the fullest.

"I don't want to linger in this negativity anymore." I confessed. "I want to do something more positive."

"Like what?"

"Well...my family isn't here and I always spend Christmas with them. Are you going to see your mom?"

He shook his head sadly. "Can't afford to right now, especially not with how much heavier the snow is getting. My tires treads are shit. It won't be safe to drive such a long distance again."

"Do you want to maybe come over instead of being alone? We could have our own little Christmas together. Maybe make it suck a little less."

"That sounds nice actually." He smiled. "Jae can't go back to Korea either so i can have him tag along. Will Quinn be there?"

I nodded. "They don't really see their family a lot. They're not talking."

"Well sweet. Then it'll be the four of us."

The four of us. I couldn't help but think about my Lucas. He had spent the past two Christmases with us and this was the first time he wouldn't be. I didn't want to see him just yet but god I cared about him so much that I needed to make sure he was okay. I needed to find someone who would look after him. Maybe Doyoung? I would have to see what his plans were and if he would agree to such a thing. I hated bothering him especially since my life had been consumed by so many disasters that I barely saw him. Now I would be asking him to do a huge favor for me. I was sure he was going to turn me down but it was worth a shot.

"What are you thinking about?" Johnny asked. I didn't want him to get riled up or have to explain my complicated feelings towards my best friends so instead I lied and told him I blanked out. That seemed to satisfy him and he cupped my face in his hand. "I should get going. We're gonna try to clean up a bit early so we can lock up on time. I'll be over at like 10, ok?"

I nodded. "I'd like that a lot. I'll see you." 

He slid out of the booth and I followed suit, getting ready to plunge myself in the frozen tundra once again. "Hey, you want a hot chocolate before you go?" He asked.

I smiled and held him around his waist. "Absolutely."

--

I looked at the various foods I had cooking and sighed. I was trying too hard to make up for the fact that Johnny, Jae, Quinn, and I weren’t with our families. I was still thinking about Lucas, who was now with Doyoung who had graciously accepted my favor. I promised to save them a whole feast from what I cooked in exchange. Doyoung got a brief rundown of what had happened with the pictures though I dodged the bit about Lucas being involved. I didn’t want Doyoung to be malicious to him in his overprotective nature and instead told him we had a small falling out and that it was a bit awkward between us. It wasn’t entirely a lie and was enough to get Lucas under Doyoungs watchful eye. Maybe in a few weeks I would feel better about talking to him and would answer his 'i love you' texts.

I had piles of Tupperware filled with food for the both of them, serving as both a show of gratitude and to help me fulfill my destiny of turning into my damn grandmother. I wanted to make sure everyone ate, no one felt lonely, and I was okay slaving away to do so. It was almost comedic. I sighed and wiped my hands on my shorts before grabbing an oven mitt to check on the pork I had cooking. There was a knock on the door then and I shouted for Quinn to open it. They had been frantically doing some last minute cleaning and were zipping around like they had three energy drinks in their system. "I got it!" They called out and ran to the door.

I heard Jae and Johnny come in, loud and all laughs as usual. I ignored them for now and poked at the meat with a fork, testing it's tenderness. It had been cooking since I woke up at 6 am (again, another sign of me turning into my grandma) and I wanted to make sure it was perfect. I decided it needed just a little bit more time and then I could put the pies in. Even with everything I had made I wondered it it was enough and if everyone would like it. I felt a hand on my hip then and I stood up straight, turning to face Johnny. "Hey, baby." He said lowly before his eyes flickered to my hair. "What did you do?"

"What do you mean?"

He ran his fingers through my ponytail and pouted just a bit. "It's straight."

I shrugged. "I wanted to look nice I guess."

"I like the curls better." He cupped my face nonetheless and placed a few tender kisses against my lips. "Also what the hell are you making? Are you trying to feed an army?"

"Yeah well...about that…" I chuckled, nervously. "Once I started I couldn't stop so...now I have a lot. It's mostly american and carribean stuff. I wasn't sure if I should try to make anything Korean. I didn't want to make a fool out of myself."

"It all smells fucking good. I'm starving."

Jae came into the kitchen then, hauling a case of beer and a few bottles of light and dark liquor. "Eri, where should I put these? Is there room in the fridge?"

I nodded. "Should be. You can leave the liquor out if you want to start this off right."

"I'll settle for a beer right now."

"Toss me one too." Johnny said. 

Jae opened the fridge and slid the arsenal inside before tossing a can to Johnny. They both popped open their cans and took a few gulps before Jae realized he was awkwardly standing with us. "Well...I'll leave you two to be sluts and what not." He left the kitchen then, going off to find Quinn who I believe disappeared into their room.

Johnny and I laughed but also fell into a little bit of awkwardness of our own. "So, how you holding up?" He dared to ask.

"What do you mean?"

He gestured vaguely at the food and the kitchen. "You know...you're not with your family. Your grandpa isn't here...all the shit with the photos…"

I diverted my eyes to the tiled floor. "I'm trying." I said softly. "If not easy. I didn't cry when I talked to my mom though so that was a big step for me. Her and Dani are still down there, probably will come back after New Year's. I guess I drowned myself in cooking because it's what I always used to watch my grandma do."

"Have you taken a break yet?"

"Nah, not really. Been up since 6 am."

He grabbed onto my hand and started to pull me away from the kitchen. "C'mon. You need to sit down."

"I can't! I have to finish the pies and-"

"Eri, a little break won't kill you. Come on."

I pouted and gave in to his demand, letting him drag me towards my room. He closed the door softly behind us and sat down on my bed, sipping at his beer again. I sat beside him, unsure of exactly what he wanted me to do  "How long do I have to sit here?"

"Eri, please. Just...chill. you can never stay still." He set his beer down on the floor and sighed. "I don't want you to overwork yourself."

"It just helps to stop thinking...I don't want to think." I admitted. He leaned into me slowly, placing soft kisses against me. I set my hand on his waist, sighing softly as he cupped my neck. I don't know how long we got lost in each other but it felt like a security blanket wrapped around me. I smiled when we parted, keeping him close to me.

"Hey um...i, uh, got you something." He said suddenly.

"W-what? Like a Christmas gift?"

"Yeah, um…" He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small box. My eyes went wide as I completely was unexpecting.

"Is that a jewelry box?!" I squeaked, clutching at my chest.

"Yeah…" He flipped open the lid and I stared at the bracelet that laid within it. "It's a constellation and the stone parts are like the stars or whatever, because, you know, you like all that astrology shit and the, um, stars. So…" He was stumbling over his words and I could see his ears flushing slightly.

"O-oh...oh wow." Was all I could say. I was too stunned. It was gorgeous; so simple yet so thoughtful. It looked like it cost way too much too. I was confused as to why he would go through so much to buy me something as amazing as this but I was forever grateful.

"You don't like it, do you?" 

I shook my head quickly. "No! No! It's beautiful! Seriously, oh my god. C-can I wear it?"

"Oh! Yeah! Uh-" He pulled the bracelet out carefully but dropped the box in the process. The both of us bent down to pick it up and ended up knocking our heads together. "Ouch! Shit!"

I rubbed at the sore spot on my temple and as we both looked at each other we burst into laughter. We were truly a pair of klutzy idiots. He nodded towards the bracelet and I extended my wrist, letting him clasp it on. The cheesiest grin crossed my face as I stared at the glimmering tiny stones. I truly did love it. I wrapped my arms around him tight, practically crashing into him. "Thank you, Johnny. Seriously."

"It's nothing, baby. You deserve it."

I stayed in his arms for a bit until I came to a harsh realization. "Shit…" I muttered.

"What's wrong?" He asked.

I didn't want to look at him as I now felt like an utter fool. "I...I got you something too but it doesn't compare to how great this is."

"What? What could you have possibly gotten me?"

"I don't wanna show you now! It's wack!"

"No! Now you have to! Please! Let me see!" He pleaded.

I pouted but went over to my desk and grabbed the gift. I held out my fist and dropped it into his open palm. He stared at it for awhile. "Ohh...it's a rock."

I groaned and covered my face. "Well it's fluorite! And it's supposed to help with anxiety and calmness. So I wire wrapped it and made it into a necklace but now it's stupid and not great and just give it back to me!" I reached for it but he craned his body away, extending his long arm so I could reach. He pushed me away gently and put the necklace around him.

"Thank you." He kissed my forehead, then my lips, then my cheek. "I like it. Alot."

"You're just saying that. You can just throw it out."

"Never." He pulled me close to his chest and squeezed me tight. I sighed softly and wrapped my arms around him, stealing all his warmth. "I have another present for you "

"What?! No! Johnny, what the hell!? You shouldn't have!" I wanted to curl away from all the spoiling attention he was giving me.

"It's not like a gift- gift. But I do need something from you."

"Like what?" I said suddenly confused.

"Restraints."

It was almost as if time stopped and we stared at each other awkwardly as I couldn't think of anything to say. My mind was screaming but my body remained frozen. Restraints? As in...restraints in the bedroom? As in...kinky? As in...him wanting to tie me up? As in me panicking? Oh yes, okay, THOSE restraints. "Excuse me?" Was the best words my mouth could make.

Johnny rubbed at the back of his neck nervously. "Yeah, so, like, those ties or something simple. Do you have some?"

"U-uh, yeah but...what?"

"Just trust me ok?"

I was still stunned and confused but I slid off the bed and got on my knees to pull out the box that had my beginner equipment in it from under my bed. I blew the dust off the top and opened it up, not having paid attention to it in awhile. "U-uh...here, I guess." I set the box in his lap to rifle through.

He moved some things aside, pulling out silk ties and a blindfold. Then he took an interest in a small finger vibe I had, looking over the nubs in confusion. "What's this?" He flicked on the switch and almost tossed it into the air as the vibrations started. "Ohohohohoh! Shit!" He fumbled to shut it off and dumped it back in the box.

"It's a finger vibe. You just...put it on your finger and go to town. It's actually nice I just haven't used it in awhile." I blushed.

"Does it actually work?"

"Want me to show you?"

He bit his bottom lip and nodded. "Definitely." I set the box aside and started working open his pants when he stopped me. “Whoawhoawhoa! Not on me! On you!”

“I don't want to really do it on me. I think you would like it. Just give it a shot. Have you ever used a vibrator before?”

“NO! Why would I need to?! I’m a guy!”

I rolled my eyes. “And? Guys use vibators all the time. Stop being such a dumb boy.” I opened his pants and nudged them down a bit so I could get to his boxers. He was tense and watching my every move, his fists balled up tightly at his sides. I put the vibe on my finger and slipped him out, turning it on and running it over him gently.

“O-oohhh fuck!” He breathed out in a stutter. He swallowed hard and wiggled his hips, trying to squirm away. “W-why does it f-feel like that?!”

“Feel like what?” I moved my finger over his head, circling the nubs over the circumference. “Does it feel good?”

He hid behind his hand and i heard the smallest whimper come out. I almost squealed at how cute and shy his was being. It was absolutely adorable but i didn’t want to embarrass him even further. I decided to tease him just a bit more, flowing up and down his shaft that was just beginning to grow and all the way down to his balls. I spent minutes working my finger over him until I was able to grip him fully. I adjusted myself in bed, lowering my mouth and letting him past my lips all while keeping up my vibrating strokes. He was nothing but a flurry of curses and squirms but eventually his curses turned into moans and begs to God.

He set his hand on the back of my head rather gently but with enough pressure to keep me steady. I still was only able to get him half way down my throat but made sure to pleasure him in a multitude of ways. I popped off him for a moment to plaster kisses along the underside of his cock, following it with licks and firm pulsating grasps. While he was distracted by that I snuck the vibrator to that ever so sensitive and secretive spot behind his balls. He kicked his legs out, curling his toes and tensing. I couldn't help but giggle. "You okay?" I smirked.

All he could do was nod and edge himself back to my lips, a sign that he wanted me to torture my throat some more. I treated him to harsher sucks and pumps all while rubbing circles into him, letting the vibrations drive him crazy. He was letting out muffled moans beneath his hand and by the way he was throbbing against my tongue I knew that he was close. Pre cum had already coated my taste buds and I waited until the very last second to pull away. It didn't take long for thick spurts to fall against his chest and stomach, overflowing onto my hand and wrist. I backed my head away so I wouldn't get any on my face or hair but god that was the hardest he'd ever cum before. I stared at his now stained shirt in awe, noticing the way his torso shuttered at the overwhelming sensation. He tapped at my hand furiously and I realized that I had the vibe still on him just as another few ropes burst forth. I pulled my hands back completely, my eyes wide and staring in wonder. He finally moved his hand away from his mouth. "Jesus! Fuck! Christ! Shit!"

I jumped a little at his booming voice. "U-um...you good?"

He shoved off his plaid button up and carefully tossed off his cum covered shirt. "Off now!" At first I didn't know what he meant as he was now shoving off the rest of his clothes. It clicked when he grabbed at my shorts and pulled them down around my ankles quickly. 

"J-johnny!" I squeaked and wiped my hand on the bed sheets before he grabbed my wrists and pinned them above my head. His other hand fumbled for the silk ties and in a few haphazard knots I was trapped against my headboard. He set the blindfold over me, blocking out everything he was going to do. My heart thundered in my ears as the mystery of it all intensified. Could he really go again?

I felt his hands part my thighs then a heavy long pause. If he hadn't been touching me I would've thought he had left me stranded. But then I felt breath trickling over the beginnings of my wetness. I tensed almost every muscle in my body. The last time he attempted this he had to stop for the anxiety got to be too much. I didn't want him to feel that way again but I knew that talking about it also freaked him out. Without a better plan I silenced myself and felt the first lick. He seemed to be a bit more...eager than before. The licks were quick yet powerful enough to make me feel every electrifying sensation. His big tongue circled around my entrance, diving in ever so slightly before trailing back up. He took my clit between his lips adding gentle sucks and moans to it. I wondered if he would care for any encouragement instead of bombarding him with pleads of telling him that he didn’t have to. “Jo-johnny...keep doing that. It feels good.”

I couldn’t see his reaction but his sucks got just a touch rougher so he seemed to take the criticism well. His hands settled on my thighs, rubbing them slowly as he released my sensitive bundle of nerves and opted for alternating licks. I started relaxing, trying to give off an air of comfort and pleasure. He was trying his best and it made me warm with intense proud feelings. I squirmed my hips just a bit, trying to nudge him in the right direction once he had begun his licks. They were starting to get a little chaotic and I bit down on my lip preparing myself to guide him. “U-um...slow down. You don't have to go so fast.” I said softly.

He stopped quickly. “S-sorry.”

“No, it’s ok. You don't have to be perfect. I’ll help you out. Is that okay?”

“I feel stupid that I don’t know what I’m doing.”

“Don't. I want you to make me cum like this.” I whimpered. “Will you do that for me?”

“F-fuck...u-um...yeah, sure, um…” His licks nudged against me definitely slower, unfortunately a little too slow.

“Think of a middle ground. Just like a medium speed.” He sighed in frustration and I could tell that he was getting pissed that he didn’t seem like the perfect fuckboy sexgod he presented himself as before he met me. But he tried again, getting the hang of the speed I wanted and grazing a particularly sensitive place around my inner lips. I arched a bit and let out a small whimper, squeezing my eyes shut behind the blindfold. “G-good!”

He hummed in understanding, keeping up the motions as I flexed my wrists against the ties. I could easily slip out of them as the knots weren’t that tight but I didn't let him know that. I kind of put together that he needed me to be restrained because of how much his assaulter forced him down but of course if that got him to be a little experimental with ties that was fine by me. He was starting to find that curling his tongue upwards was also a way to get me writhing more and worked those perfect licks into me. "T-that's good too." I sighed softly.

"Should I like...uh...use my fingers?"

"Yes!"

"Oh! Shit, ok ok." His tongue concentrated on the upper part of my sensitivity while he slipped a solitary finger into me. Slowly he moved his fingers in low strokes, curling every so often. He pulled my clit back between his lips just as his finger pushed against my walls just barely an inch inside me. My moan was louder than I expected and scared us both. "Uh, did I do something wrong?!"

"Noooooopppeeeee, nope, nope! Something right! Something right!"

"Oh fuck uh, what was it?! What did I do right?!"

"Just the way you w-eere sucking a-and- where you had your finger. Can you try and do it again? Please?"

"Y-yeah. Um. Shit, fuck." He was between my thighs again perfecting the suction to my nerves but not quite finding the magic spot he had before. I wiggled my hips trying to see if I could manage to help him hit it. Why the fuck was it easier with his dick than his fingers?! Or maybe the full feeling was what got me off instead. Now I was starting to get frustrated. "Eri quit moving or I'm gonna stop!" He whispered harshly.

"S-sorry! It was just that your finger is close! It wasn't that far in! It was just- FUCK!"

"Here?" He pressed into it again and I nodded furiously. "Heh, sweet." I nudged him with my foot, a sign to shut the fuck up and continue. He was learning to get to the right speed of his sucks, even alternating between a little bit fast and slow. He also found out that circling just the tip of his tongue around my clit was gaining him extremely loud mewls. My calves were tensing as my legs shook and I could feel him getting me just a bit closer to cumming. "Should I add another one?" He said after kissing my clit.

"Yes, god, yes." He pushed in a second finger, filling me up more. I arched just a bit and dipped my hips lower making his fingers thrust into me before coming back down to put the attention on that special spot. He seemed to be ok with me rocking my hips and worked to have his fingers meet me as his tongue added cute licks here and there. “A-almost…" I panted.

His free hand was on my hip again, pressing into the dip of my hip bone, adding more and more pressure with all his other motions until I gasped loudly, my walls tense and pulsing around him as my clit throbbed with little shocks of orgasmic bliss. He slowed his fingers until my breathing steadied and he pulled out completely. I felt him crawl up the bed and release my hands and the blindfold. I blinked a few times, readjusting to the light, and saw him hovering above me with a smile on his face. “Was it ok?” He asked, wiping the mess I left on his face away with the back of his hand. 

“Yeah! Bro, you did it! Holy shit! You did the thing!”

“I did the thing!” He chuckled.

I held up my hand and we high fived each other before I wrapped my arms around him tight. “I’m so proud of you, Johnny.”

“Thanks...you know what the best part is?”

I pulled away and looked at him, loving how he was absolutely glowing. “What, baby?”

“I liked it.” He smirked.

“Ooohhhh, you saucy boy. If you want to practice some more then you know i’m definitely okay with being your test subject.”

He flopped down onto the bed and pushed his hair back. “Hah, of course. I know you would. I wouldn’t do it with anyone else.”

I laid down beside him and gave him a chaste kiss. “Thank you...it means a lot.”

He snaked his arm around my waist and kept me close, not letting me leave just one gentle kiss behind. Instead we were back at our usual heavy makeout session, unable to get enough of each other.

Suddenly there was a banging at my bedroom door. “HEY!” Quinn yelled. “Are you gonna stop fucking and check the food? I don't want it to burn! And i’m hungry!”

Johnny and I sighed and laid on our backs staring up at the ceiling. “Fucking christ...YEAH IM COMING!”

“I KNOW! I HEARD YOU! WHAT ABOUT THE FOOD?!”

Johnny facepalmed and sighed. “Why are they this dumb?”

“Sssshhh,” I hissed. “Listen they may be dumb but they make up for it in being cute. Kinda like you. QUINN, I MEANT I’M COMING TO FINISH THE FOOD!”

“Hey! I’m not dumb!” He nudged me and I slapped at his hand before getting up from the bed. 

“Just stay here,” I pulled on my clothes and fixed my ponytail. “I’ll clean up and then come get you when the food’s done, yeah?”

“Yeah, yeah. That’s fine. I’mma have a smoke, that cool?”

I waved at him, mostly ignoring him and heading out to the bathroom so I could wash my hands and make myself not so sticky.

--

Stuffing our faces lead to taking a giant nap together on the couch. Somehow the four of us squished into the loveseats in completely uncomfortable positions on top of one another, sleeping off the abundance of food. I was the first to wake up to Johnny grumbling against my neck while his thumb rubbed against my thigh absentmindedly. My neck felt stiff and I pulled away to crack practically every bone in my body. I stretched and shook out the sleep, heading towards the kitchen to get busy putting the food away. I tried to be as quiet as possible but it was a bit difficult moving around pots and pans without making a sound. I was even tiptoeing through the kitchen and almost screamed when I felt arms wrap around my waist.

"Relax." Johnny said groggily. "It's just me." He squeezed me to his big body and kissed at my neck. "Why'd you leave? I like sleeping with you."

"It was starting to get too uncomfortable. The four of us don't fit on that couch. My neck is so stiff."

"Hm? Yeah?" His hands slid up my shoulders and towards my neck and he pressed his thumbs into my vertebrae, working through the knots slowly. I sighed and leaned into his touches, loving every minute of it. "We should go lay down in your bed."

"Ohh no. If we do that now you're going to trap me and either sleep forever or try and fuck me, two things of which I can't do right now. I have to finish putting away this stuff and washing all the dishes by myself." I rolled my eyes.

"Why by yourself?"

"Quinn doesn't like 'touching food' and I don't know, you guys are guests so…"

He grabbed a now empty pot and went over to the sink, turning on the water and dousing it with soap. "I got it. Don't sweat it."

"Well my hero, isn't that a turn on? All I need from you is to take your shirt off." I said playfully.

He smirked as he scrubbed away at the pan. "You want me to?"

I entertained the idea for a moment. "No. No. I don't want anything slutty going on. You stick to washing and I'll stick to being the maid."

"All you're missing is the outfit. You know the one where you bend over and I can see your-"

"Johnathan. Behave." I grabbed a stack of containers and opened the fridge, bending over to play Tetris on the middle and bottom shelves.

"Hmm, those shorts are close enough."

I shot up quickly, covering my butt. "Hush!"

He flicked some suds at me and stuck his tongue out. "not my fault you got a fat ass."

"It isn't even that big!" I gasped and he gave me a 'really?' look. "Listen. Don't start." He landed a wet slap to my ass and I playfully hit his shoulders, giggling a bit and trying to fight back against his suds. He ended up grabbing a hold on me again and covering me in aggressively playful kisses to my cheek.

“Can you two stop being gross and loud for a minute?” We looked up to see a pissed off Jae rubbing his eyes and yawning. “You woke me up.”

“My bad, man. We’re just cleaning up.” Johnny tried hiding his laughter.

Jae rolled his eyes and shuffled to the fridge to get a beer, cracking it open almost instantly. “We gonna party or what? I don't need sad reminders of not being with my family now.”

“Drinking to forget is my specialty, especially drinking to forget family. Pop off, my friend. Where did the liquor go?"

"I out it in the cabinet because you had all this shit on the counter." Jae said. I opened the cabinet and stared up at the whiskey and burbon Jae had put on the top shelf wondering why the absolute fuck he decided that it was a good idea to put it out of reach. I glared at the bottles as if i could make them float down to me.

“Why are you just staring at it?” Jae asked.

Johnny dried off his hands and grabbed the bottles. “Don't you know, Jae, little short demons are always angry at things they cant reach.”

“Oh shut up and get the shot glasses while you're at it too. I’m going to wake up Quinn.” I rolled my eyes and went over to the couch, shaking Quinn gently. “Hey, you up? The guys want to start drinking. I might turn on some music too.”

They rolled over and stretched their limbs, looking up at me. “Oh boy. How long did we sleep for?"

"Few hours? They're gonna bring the liquor over."

They sat up and grabbed onto me, burying their face in my chest. "I just want to cuddle."

I smiled and kissed their temple. "We can cuddle." Johnny plopped down next to me then, setting the bottles and shot glasses on the coffee table. Jae sat on the opposite side, setting up his pipe, blunts, and grinder. Quinn left me the instant he got to work grinding and packing a bowl. So much for cuddling. Johnny leaned over me, squishing me to the back of the couch to reach for a joint. I pouted and got up from the couch, moving away from the three potheads to connect my phone to the Spotify app on my PlayStation. I put on music that was mostly normal so I wouldn't hear any complaints about heavy riffs and screaming and opened the whiskey to pour myself a shot as clouds of smoke wafted around me. 

Johnny nudged me, grunting at me to pour him a shot while he reclined back in the seat and puffed away. I laughed and left him there, going to the kitchen to see if I had any Fireball left. "Thanks!" He called to me sarcastically.

"I'm sure you can figure out how your hands work, Johnathan!" I checked some of my lower cabinets and almost kissed the bottle when I saw that I had managed to stash it away at some point in time. It had just enough for a few shots of my Three Amigos and I was ready to lose myself in cozy brown liquor that altered my reality into something I loved. I set myself down in front of the coffee table, laying out my three shot glasses and pouring my drug of choice into them.

"What are you doing?" Johnny asked.

"Partying, duh." I gulped down all three is a matter of seconds and just in time to hear Jaehyun start belting out some Bruno Mars as it come on in my playlist.

Johnny took one look at Jae then back at me. "I love him and he has the voice of an angel but when Bruno comes on he won't stop. I'll have what you're having please."

"Well since you asked so nicely, I guess I'll do it this time." I poured him his shots, urging him to drink them quickly so I could have another round. He took them down much slower, probably just to spite me. He licked his lips and patted his lap, beckoning me to take my place on top of him. "Why should I?"

He pointed at the screen of the tv and we both smirked, knowing exactly what kind of atmosphere the new song created. I poured one last quick shot before going over to straddle his lap. He took a long drag before tilting his head back to exhale. I set my hands on his chest and hummed along to the lyrics before landing soft kisses to his neck. His hand settled on his favorite spot of my ass and groped me hard. "And I'll keep leading you on if you keep leading me into your room." He whispered the lyrics into my ear. I nipped at his neck annoyed at how accurate they were when it came to him. All he did was chuckle and coax his hand up my sides to wrap around my breast. He took another drag and instead exhaled the smoke over my neck and down to the valley between my breasts. I don't know why but the almost impossible to feel smoke wafting over my skin made my body shudder and bend to whatever will he wanted me to. I ground my hips into him then, enticing him to roll against me and create a hellfire friction between us. “Baptise in your thighs till it hurts.” He whispered again, purposefully enticing me with promises of his new found interest in having my cum smeared across his lips.

I felt a slap on my ass then and went to yell at Johnny but we both realized it had come from Quinn. “Hey!” I said.

“Why are you two always wanting to fuck on the couch?!”

“We’re not fucking on the couch! It’s just a song that we like together. “

“Uh-huh, y'all are tryin’ to get freaky.”

“Please don’t. I already saw your tits once.” Jae added as reached for my phone to flip through the rest of my playlist, annoying me as he changed the song.

“Jae.” Johnny said sternly, hating the reminder of when Quinn and Jae had caught us. 

“What? I mean they’re nice just not the ones I want to see.”

I covered my chest, blushing a little at his semi compliment. Quinn interjected before I could say anything else though. “Well I want to see them!”

“Quinn you see them all the time.” I chuckled. “They’re not special.”

“They are to me. Gimme!” They extended their small hands and made grabbing motions like a child.

“Cut it out.” Johnny growled. “You don’t need to touch them, that’s what you have Jae for. Go touch him.”

"Wait, what am I doing?" Jae asked as he exhaled a large cloud of smoke.

"Touch your girlfriend so she can get off mi-" He cleared his throat. "Get off of Eri I mean."

I rolled my eyes almost believing I could see the back of my skull. "Guys, seriously. Cut it out. I just want to have fun and drink without you two arguing, please."

"The more you drink, the faster the clothes come off." Quinn giggled before she crashed her lips against mine.

I could feel Johnny shift in the seat, ready to launch himself at any moment. His hand was on my hip, trying to pull me back but I felt Jae slap him away, whispering harshly about letting us continue. I was tired of their little battle and decided to keep myself flush against Quinn, feeling the softness of their lips and bitter taste of smoke on her tongue. Their hands immediately disappeared beneath my tank top, caressing over my chest, like they had wanted to, and pinching lightly at my nipple. I let out a soft moan and edged my ass against Johnny, hoping that he would take the queue and not be so hellbent on jealousy and being a stick in the mud. Jaehyun certainly was ready to join as he worked bites and kisses across Quinn's neck.

"Eri." I heard Johnny say sternly. I reached back for his hand and placed it between my thighs which he immediately rejected. I parted from Quinn to catch a moment's breath and looked back at him. 

"C'mere." I pleaded and he narrowed his eyes in disapproval. “Don’t be so pouty. It’s christmas. We’re supposed to have fun together. Mistletoes and all that shit.”

“I’m literally right here and you’re doing this?” He huffed.

‘Baby, it’s no big deal. It’s just Quinn.” I closed my eyes and went back to resume my kiss with my best friend, colliding our lips in gentle waves and small licks. It did feel a bit strange though...Like I had never felt their lips before…

“What the heck?!” Quinn exclaimed.

I opened my eyes and  realized that I had missed my trajectory entirely and had ended up kissing Jae instead. “Oh.” I said.

“Fuck.” Jae finished.

“ERI!!!” Johnny shouted which made me shrink back instantly.

“Ok, listen, I missed! My eyes were closed!! I thought Quinn was closer! Sorry! I didn’t mean too!” I covered my face in embarrassment.

“I’m going to kill all of you.” Johnny growled. “What the hell are y'all doing?!”

“I mean…” Jae shrugged. “We could always...have a foursome?” Now it was our turn to adjust our attention to Jae. “What?” He sounded so casual as if what he suggested was the most logical thing in the world.

“How much did you smoke?! I literally don’t share.” Johnny said flatly. “I never have and never will. Also, what the actual fuck?! You’re my friend!”

“Well i guess we could make it a threesome…” Quinn said softly.

“Jae’s not even attracted to me!” I threw up my hands in frustration.

He shrugged. “You’re not that bad, just not my type. But, like, we could still fuck.”

“Oh my god. This is a clusterfuck if I’ve ever seen one.” I shook my head and poured myself another shot, needing a bunch more alcohol for this sudden proposition.

“No. No threesomes. No nothing.” Johnny said.

“Dude, it wouldn’t be like...that bad. It’s not gay if our dicks don’t touch so there’s that.” Jae added.

I almost snorted mid shot and Quinn laughed. We took one look at each other and laughed even louder. “Two bros chillin’ in the hot tub five feet apart ‘cause they’re not gay!”

“Well it would be true! Johnny and I don’t have to touch each other!” Jae protested.

“Oh, sorry my hand brushed against your hand, bro. No homo, bro!” Quinn said in a mocking deep voice. “Just gotta make sure my dick doesn’t do the same, bro!”

I laughed harder, clutching at my sides. “Jae, you’re literally so ridiculous! You think that-”

Suddenly I was yanked up from the couch and tossed over Johnny’s shoulder as if he was Tarzan and I was Jane. “Johnny, what the fuck!! Put me down!” I yelled but he ignored me. I banged my fists against his back, helpless against the death grip he had around my waist. He ignored my fighting and instead opened the door to my room. Once we were inside, it was slammed shut and I was tossed onto my bed. I landed harshly and pouted at him. "Where do you get off handling me like that?!"

"What the hell is your problem?" He growled in my face.

"What are you even talking about?"

"You literally make out with Quinn in front of me then kiss my best friend and now you want to have a foursome?!”

“The kiss was an accident! And Jae was the one who suggested it! I just thought...ya know...it might be fun...what’s the big deal?”

“The big deal is that you fucked Taeyong and now you’re throwing yourself at our friends. Fucking quit it Eri.”

“We’re not together! You said it yourself that you didn’t want me to be your girlfriend!”

“Why do you keep bringing that up!?” He yelled.

“Because it’s true! We’re single, Johnny. I can do whatever I want!” I protested.

“Oh like get drunk off your ass and start making out with everyone?”

“First of all, i’m not drunk. Second of all, you’re the one that got high and then became a jealous jerk! Why are you always jealous? Hmm? You act like you own me and can command me and I would do whatever you say? Do you actually even want me, Johnny? Or do you just want to make sure that no one else can have me, like im some fucking piece of property! Is that it?”

“Do I want you?” He scoffed. “Do I fucking want you?” He grabbed onto my shoulder and shoved me face down on my bed, landing a hard thwack against my ass. Did he just...Did he just spank me?

“Johnny! What the hell!?” I questioned. He had never ever done that before. One, two, three, four more blows hit without a single word from him. I could already feel the print his hand left behind on my burning skin. I looked back and could see truly how pissed off he was. His eyes were blackened and I was unable to figure out exactly what was going on in that feral mind of his. All I knew was that he yanked my shorts up to expose more of my ass and decorated the other cheek with the same aggressive touch. I clutched at my bedsheets, letting out strained groans of pain. My teeth sunk into the edge of my mattress as my feet kicked into the air. He kept me firmly bent over the edge of my bed so he could stay within the pace of his relentless attacks. He didn't stop until my ass felt completely raw and as hot as the sun.

I was a whimpering mess then, a few tears had threatened to crawl down my cheeks but most of all I could feel the sticky drenched feeling in my panties. Him taking control and spanking me had me hornier than ever, coupled with the fact that he still had me pissed off meant my body was in a lustful overdrive. All the while I was still fucking confused as to why he was acting like this every time I seemed to give attention to someone else. It was fucking annoying but lord was I too stupid to want him to stop. He yanked my shorts away from my body and pressed himself against my back. "Do you want to fucking piss me off again, Eri?"

I swallowed hard. "Of course I do. If a little jealousy is all it takes to get you to act like you want me then I'll fuck anyone in front of you just to get you mad." None of that was particularly true but the growl he let out had my entire being vibrating with excitement.

"You’re such a fucking brat I swear. Why the fuck do I call you princess when all you do is act like a little shit?" He lifted my hips with one hand while the other dove between my thighs, wasting no time plunging three long fingers inside me. "You're fucking wet from that? Dumbass."

I spread my legs further apart and tried raising my ass against him more. I needed his fingers deeper, stretching me until I was so full. "Fuc-fuck you. You say I'm all talk, you don't do anything but throw t-ta-tantrums!" I moaned as his knuckles curled against me, pushing past my entrance and making sure he was able to stroke my aching walls. I could feel the smoothness of the two rings he wore on his index and middle finger rubbing through his motions and I was almost drooling at the absolute perfect feeling. Give me more, please give me more!

"Tantrum?" His free hand gripped my hair and yanked my head to the side. "Like what you have when you don't get your way? You want to fuck everyone without consequences but when someone calls you out on it, you're suddenly the victim."

"Takes a slut to know a slut! You're not innocent either. You act like a dog, pissing everywhere to mark some territory that no one can cross!" I almost screamed when his teeth sunk into my neck. I felt as if he wanted to tear my jugular open and have my blood splatter against the wall and yet it made me reach between us and grab onto his wrist tight. My voice lowered to a pathetic whisper. "Don't stop, Johnny. Please don't stop."

"Funny how your tone changes when your getting stretched open. You're so needy, Eri."

"C-cum!" Was all I could beg. His fingers had always been pure magic. Tonight was no different and I found myself grinding harder into his palm. He wasn't giving me the satisfaction though. He ripped himself away, making my entrance clench around nothingness and my fist hit the bed in frustration. "Johnny!!" 

I raised my ass and wiggled my hips trying to entice him to give me everything I wanted but he landed a slap to my hips before shoving them away. I flopped onto my side and looked up at him with doe eyes. He carelessly tossed his shirt and pushed my legs wide open, making me lay flat on my back. His hand gripped my neck instantly and I couldn't help the satisfied smile that crossed my lips. I was in full sub mode, alternating between a whiny brat and perfect princess that deserved the world. It was a side I hadn't exactly showed him yet but I guess the Christmas spirit meant I would be getting fucked out of my mind.

"How about I invite Taeyong in to see you like this, hmm? Does he know that you prefer to be choked and crushed beneath someone bigger than you? To be stretched out until you squirt? Or did you just settle for less?"

"S-shut up." I croaked. "You're not that great." My eyes rolled back a bit and I kept my legs wide hoping to get more from him. Instead he commanded me to open my mouth which I happily obliged to. The three fingers that had been inside of me were now down my throat, my inability to breathe intensifying. The rings clattered against my teeth while the tips of his fingers edged at the back of my throat. I was close to gagging but the pressure on my windpipe kept me grounded. I wanted to beg for more, for him to make me an absolute wreck but I could only rub my small hand up and down his forearm and try and sneak the other to my center. I tried to fill myself just to take some of the edge off but his voice made me jump.

"Eri, don't you dare!" I ripped my fingers away and kicked my feet letting him know that I was extremely frustrated. He pressed his fingers onto my tongue and smirked down at me. "I didn't say you could. Isn't this what you want? All that denial and punishment shit? Yeah...I think I'm starting to like this. Nothing's better then fucking you so hard that you forget about that scrawny shit starter."

Make me forget. God, please make me forget. As much as I wanted the torture on my lungs to continue it was starting too become too painful for me to handle. I tapped on his arm and he released his hands, allowing me to breathe. I gulped down air as fast as I could while he slid off the bed momentarily. My eyes stayed glued the hand that worked his belt open. The clanking and zip of fabric sliding against the belt loops rang in my ears as if I was hypnotized by the oddly eroticness of the simple motion. He plucked his button open and unzipped his jeans before shuffling them down his long legs. I propped myself on my elbows to admire the way he looked so perfect and golden even with the winter sun barely peeking through grey clouds.

I reached out for him, wanting to get on my knees so I could look up into his dark eyes. Instead, he was mounting me again, lips chasing mine and his big tongue filling up my mouth easily. I clung onto his shoulders and let him pull my tongue towards his, sucking harshly. My hips pushed towards the center of his boxer briefs and he still punished me with a hard slap to my outer thigh. It seemed like I was never going to get off at this pace. I hoped to all hell he didn't leave me hanging like Yuta or Ten had done in the past. With the way he was acting I didn't think I could handle it. When he jerked his head back to force our kiss to seperate, I begged him to touch me again. It was a pitiful chorus of "Please, Daddy, please" until he beckoned me to adjust myself to get closer to his cock.

He sat back against the wall and I eagerly shifted to crawl between his thighs and take him into my mouth. His fingers dug through my hair and kept my head in place. I had no idea why I craved to have him fill my mouth. It wasn't something I still particularly cared to do and it hurt the last time he tried to fuck my throat raw back at the hotel. But now it was all I could think about- his veins flowing over my taste buds, his precum dripping onto my tongue ever so slightly, the way the head of his cock teased the roof of my mouth. It drew me into even more desperation especially when he praised me with his sinful voice. That voice took me back to the beginnings of my curiosity about him every time. It shed open the desires that lingered since the summer party where we shared our first kiss. That kiss, so swift yet tantalizing; the way he wanted to discard me and play games made me want him even more.

I felt him add the slightest hint of pressure to the back of my skull, trying to get me to take more of him. That was still impossible for me and I tried to wiggle away from the touch. I pulled his hand away and popped off him, planting kisses up his stomach towards his lips. "Did I say you could stop?" He grunted.

I shook my head. "No, but it was too much. You're so big I can't take it." I was sure my statement would inflate his ego but i was trying anything that would coax him into letting me find my release. 

"I'm not done with you. Don't stop until I say so."

He shoved me back down and I was forced to breathe through my nostrils. My hand wrapped around his base and shifted up and down his heated skin, hoping that would satisfy him. I raised my ass higher, knowing how much he loved it. His arm reached down my back and passed my ass to stuff his fingers back into me. I clenched immediately and fucked myself back onto them. My moan vibrated against him and he exhaled softly, cursing under his breath. I purred at the thought of pleasing him so well that he wanted to treat me a bit. He didn't move his hand much, preferring for me to do all the work but it was enough for me to feel surmounting pleasure. I slipped my mouth down to kiss and lick at his balls, rubbing the head of his cock and smearing his pre cum over it. I looked up at him as I switched to licking up the prominent vein.

He smirked. “You want it bad don’t you? You look different, acting different. What gives?”

“I just want you. Please.” I begged.

“Fuck, i like this side of you.” He hooked his hands under my arms and lifted me in one fell swoop, pressing me against the wall this time. He hiked my legs up so my knees could rest on his shoulders, quite literally folding me in half until at least I felt him plunge his hips against me. I couldn't help the way i screamed out curses as the hardness of him and the wall crushed my hips between them. One hand was pressed above me while the other had a death grip on my neck again. Each brutal thrust was accompanied by a rough grunt or growl which drove me to claw at his back and reach for a kiss. I was denied though he kept his lips hovering above mine, his breath tickling the tender skin.

"I wanna cum for you." I said pathetically.

"You can wait. Not in the mood to satisfy your whines."

God this asshole was fucking perfect right now. This was what I had always wanted; for him to crush me, to make me feel small, to mark me as his own, and I loved every single minute that jealousy bought out the animal in him. I squeezed my eyes shut as i could feel my hips bruising and almost splitting apart. My body trembled I tried with all my might to keep up with the position that was destined to destroy me. My heels dug between his shoulder blades as he slammed into the deepest part of me. The little shocks of pain flowed through my lower stomach and down my thighs making my endorphins zip through my brain like a pinball. I was going to that dangerously comforting place of wanting to drown in pain and pleasure, getting punished for all my wrongdoings, and feeling every mark and scar left behind by him. It was affecting him too, he was rougher, meaner, hotter, made for the punishment i was willing to take. The pressure on my neck intensified then lowered into a rhythmic dance, making sure that i wouldn’t lose consciousness but instead suffer through every second of my orgasm denial. His thumb caressed my cheek as he looked down at me, boldly. “What a pretty little mess you are.”

I tried to shove against off so my hips could breathe but his strength was too vast. My nails clawed helplessly at his shoulders but he gripped my wrists and slammed them to the wall. "What the fuck do you think you're doing?"

I swallowed hard as my chest heaved with hungry intakes of air. “M-mhm, y-you’re ruining me…” I panted. “I-it’s too much.”

“Yeah? Do you think Quinn would be gentler? Or do you still want to have that threesome? Maybe I should stop altogether?”

I shook my head violently. “N-no...just p-please-”

“Please what?”

“Let me down…” He smiled and gave me a soft kiss, easing me off the wall and settling me on the bed. I curled up and held onto my hips, feeling the tenderness already blistering in my muscles. Johnny kissed at them gently, much to my surprise. His touches were even softer as he tried to soothe me just a bit. I pet his hair back as he smiled up at me, adding another kiss to my stomach.

“You ok?” He whispered into my skin before laying down behind me. I grabbed onto his hand and squeezed our fingers together, nodding as my only response. “Good.” He gave me a kiss on the cheek and I smiled into his tenderness until i felt him putting his weight on me again and trapping me between him and the bed this time.

“D-daddy...:” I whimpered.

“You didn’t think I was done with you, did you, princess?” He set himself back on his knees, yanking me up with him. Within a moment’s breath he shoved his way back inside me then pulled my arms behind me, using it as leverage to have me fuck myself back against him. I squeezed my eyes shut and could barely make out any senses. It was overwhelming and violent and erotic in every sense of the words. My head was swimming in a vat of prey filled thoughts, dissolving into the perfect definition of his fuck toy. I kept my head pressed into the mattress as I felt my body starting to crumble. His knees were nudging mine apart, making sure that each time he dove within me I could feel the violation stretching me apart. He knew that the heated friction between us was wedging me deeper into submission but it wasn’t enough to take me over the edge. He lowered his chest flush against my back and pressed his lips to my ear.

“I want you to make a mess for me, just like last time.”

My cheeks flowered with embarrassment as I knew exactly what he meant. I shook my head and hid my face, trying to deny him as if he would actually listen to me. I attempted to even squeeze my thighs shut but he made sure that his much stronger legs prevented that. He let go off my arms which allowed me to reach out and try and steady myself on the small footboard. As he dug three fingers into me, my nails dug into the wood carving out representations of my screams. I could barely clamp around him with how full he made me and I was almost numb to the feeling. He was bombarding me with cocky statements, reminiscent of how much i used to hate him talking when we first met. I wanted him to shut the fuck up but as much as “Cum for Daddy” made me want to projectile vomit, just a teeeeeny part of me enjoyed it. 

“If you want me to cum,” I said through grit teeth. “Then let me do it instead of just talking about it, asshole.”

He nudged his fingers in to the hilt, pressing his fingertips into me as his kept up with his thrusts. All I could do was bury my moans into the mattress and try to keep some stability by gripping the footboard. He curled his fingers deeper, forcing the head of his cock upwards when he thrusted. His free hand clamped over my mouth as I screamed beneath his palm at the jarring movement. That last push against my walls fulfilled his wish of seeing my resolve fade away and splash across my bed sheets. His fingers slipped out of me so he could wrap his arm around my waist, knowing that I would collapse instantly. He held me up and placed kisses across my shoulders and down my spine, whispering praises and calling me a good princess. My entire body flushed with fever at those two words. I was a good a princess. I leaned my head back and nuzzled my face into his neck, smiling like the lovestruck idiot that I was. He gave me a swift kiss before planting me on my back and working to chase his own high. I let my legs fall to the wayside as he pumped himself into me, kisses and bites raining down on every inch of skin he could get to.

I guided his face towards my own, crashing our lips together in a storm of passion. He burrowed his fingers in my hair, pulling my ponytail free and crushing me to him. I worked my hands down his back to grab his ass, keeping two firm handfuls to help push him deeper. It spurred him on further, crashing the head of his cock into my cervix as he was hell bent on destroying me. I pressed my lips tightly together, swallowing back every ounce of what I really wanted to scream into the world. His hand fumbled to grab the footboard and when he found his stability the sounds of our bodies collided sounded like thunderclaps in a rainstorm. Harsh. Fast. Angry. Passionate. It was all starting to meld as we flowed together, an ellipse of never ending chaos. I managed to sink my teeth into his shoulder as he squeezed out the last of his feral thrusts. He released himself at the very last possible second and i felt his warmth spread over my stomach and lower lips, a few ropes splashing onto my thighs. He slipped his cock through our mixed cum, riding up along my lips and rubbing the tip against my clit. I shuddered and tried to curl up away from him, thinking that he was trying to torture me some more, but all of his warmth disappeared in an instant. My mind was still all kinds of fuzzy, and my vision blurry, but I could see him pulling away from me and yanking my small trash can towards his face. The sound of vomit came next and I reached out to try and comfort him, at least it felt like I did. My body was so heavy and all i wanted was him near me; i wanted his warmth and love and now that was nearly impossible with him feeling sick. My world was still reeling a bit and i swore I called out to him. He just wiped his mouth and stood up, not looking at me as he left the room. I knew the rationale behind it and I knew that he wouldnt leave me like this for no reason but the current headspace i was in distorted my reality to make me feel like i was something useless and to be thrown away. At the end of the day, when the endorphins and adrenaline wore off, I was still a decaying mess.

--

Johnny’s POV

I was pretty sure all the weed, alcohol, food and heavy workout made my stomach a complete mess. Everything was fine until after I came and my body started to settle. I was all for covering Eri in kisses and making sure they were okay until the urge to blow chunks slammed into me. The first wave dumped into the trash can thankfully and i had a few moments in between to run to the bathroom to get rid of the rest. I felt like utter shit. Instead of laying down with Eri, i just put on some sweatpants and ignored their pleads for me to cuddle them. Vomiting that much made me feel not so hot and I wasn’t in the mood to be clung to. I was still sweaty and needed some space to breathe for a minute. I told them that I didn’t want to stay in bed and forced them to stay tucked in so they wouldn’t come after me. It wasn’t usual for them to be this clingy and I didn’t have the energy to deal with that right now. I left after their whining got to me and went to the couch. It felt a little better sleeping in the cooler living room though I still couldn’t really get a solid night’s sleep. Hours passed, with me waking up every so often and making a cup of coffee. Jae and Quinn were holed up in their room for most of the day but came out somewhere around mid afternoon. Things were pretty quiet and we started heating up some leftovers. Every so often I would look back at Eri’s bedroom door, expecting them to poke their head out at any moment but nothing. More time passed and once it hit almost evening I was starting to get a bit worried and decided to check on them. I crept into the room quietly and looked at the lump beneath the blankets. “Eri?” I shook them gently but got no reaction. “Eri?” I said a little louder. “You ok?”

Still nothing. If i didn’t see them breathing beneath the fabric I would’ve thought they were dead. I even tried enticing them with promises of leftovers but even that didn’t seem to shake them. I had no idea what else to do and wondered if Quinn knew if this was normal. I went over to my mostly annoying enemy, even though I was still irritated with her and Jae’s antics, and pulled her to Eri’s room. "I need your help!" She didn't have a moment to protest and we left Jae standing in the kitchen in utter confusion. I closed the door behind us tight. 

"What the hell do you want? What did you do?" She growled.

"Look, I don't know but I've been up for hours and Eri has barely moved."

"Well…from the way the bed was slamming into the wall I can make a few gross assumptions. I don't really care to hear about what you've done with my best friend's vagina, thank you."

"It's not just that! They haven't moved or woken up for anything! It's like they're comatose."

"Johnny, if you hurt them again you're going to have to breathe through a straw for the rest of your life. What did you do?"

"I don't know!" I said, exasperated. "If I knew would you think I would voluntarily talk to a fucking gremlin like you?"

She narrowed her eyes and shoved me out of the way. "Yeah and I wouldn't have voluntarily talked to a stupid ogre." She went to Eri's side and moved their disheveled ponytail out of the way. "Are you some sort of fucking vampire?! What the hell are you doing leaving a hickey this big?! Did you want to rip their throat out?!"

"I was caught up in the moment, ok?! That's not the point right now. Why won't they move?"

"You know, I should just become a nurse at the rate you're literally causing destruction to Eri's mental and physical wellness."

"Quinn!"

She shook Eri gently and tried rolling them over but it was still no use. "Maybe they just need to drink some water? With all the food they ate the alcohol shouldn't have taken them out too much. They weren't drunk when you dragged them in here to fuck like a disgusting caveman. We were up late yesterday so maybe they're just tired still?"

"No, it doesn't feel like just tiredness to me. Something's up." I sighed. "I just don't know what. That's why I'm worried."

"Well they were fine before you decided to be gross so clearly it's something you did. What was out of the ordinary? Not that I really want to hear it but, go ahead."

"Wait...like tell you what we did?" I blinked at her in disbelief. "Like...in detail?"

"Spare me as much fucking detail. Give me the gist of it."

I cleared my throat and shuffled my weight on either foot. "I mean… um…I…" I lowered my voice a bit, struck with a tsunami of embarrassment. "S-spanking, choking, fingering, they sucked me off...uh then we you know like... put the thing in the thing…a lot."

Quinn ran her hand over her face and sighed deeply. "Put the thing in the thing...Jesus Christ. Ok, but anything special about it?"

"No it was like against the wall, doggy style, usual stuff."

"Was it like...extra kinky?" She cringed.

I shrugged. "I mean...to me it felt like it was. I don't know about Eri. You know they're more experienced at that stuff than I am. They probably thought it was like normal sex. Though at the end I got sick and they got really clingy?? That was a bit weird, I guess."

"Clingy? How clingy?"

"Like they wanted to hug and cuddle and wouldn't let me go. I was tired and sweaty and just finished puking so I just kinda...pushed them away and went to the living room to sleep."

"So let me get this straight, you spank, choke, and bite the shit out of my best friend then you cum and push them away when they wanted to cuddle?"

I winced. "You make it sound really worse than I wanted it to."

"WELL GEE JOHNNY, MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE IT IS! God, why are you such a fucking tool!? You were super gross and jealous the entirety of the party and now you've gone and made Eri feel like shit. That's probably why they don't want to be around you or wake up! If you were still next to me when I woke up after being that much of a dick I'd pretend to be in a coma too!"

"Oh don't give me that bullshit! I was sick, okay! I didn’t want to have them on top of me. I was sweating and-"

"You could’ve at least been a little bit more sensitive to the situation!”

"I came to you for help! Not for you to- SHIT!" I jumped back as I saw something whizz by in front of my face. It crashed against the wall and I realized it was a candle, the glass now shattered and chunks of wax between Quinn and I's feet. We both turned to look at Eri who looked like Satan himself had risen to wreak havoc on the earth.

"SHUT. UP."  Was all they yelled before pulling the covers over their head and flopping back down onto the bed.

I stepped back slowly from the glass and beckoned Quinn to cross over. They tiptoed over the pieces and joined me. "Ok, so...yeah something might be off. They just got their meds changed so mayyyybeee that’s it? Though it’s still normal for them to be that violent. I mean, what else is new. But they’ve never thrown anything at me butttt interrupting their sleep is big bad..." She jumped up suddenly within her tirade of thoughts. "Oh!oh!oh! Maybe it's that thing!"

"Yes, because that's helpful." I rolled my eyes. "What thing?

"The um...ugh it's a kinky thing and I can't remember what it's called!"

"Their seething rage is a kink thing? It's not sexy! It's scary!" 

"Noooo! Not the anger! The not feeling so good part. I know it's a thing I just can't remember. Ugh, we’re gonna have to ask Yuta or Ten." They said.

"I'm pretty sure Eri wouldn't want the two people that hurt them anywhere near them right now and neither would I. Besides, I think they're in Thailand for the holidays."

"Fuck. I don't want their help either but they're the only people beside Eri that know about kink stuff. If something happened that they can help with then we need them."

"Why do you keep saying it's like a kink thing. I don't get it??"

“I don’t know how to explain it! Eri told me about it once because it happened with them and Ten and it scared them. I'm gonna call Yuta real quick, see if he answers."

I let out an exasperated sigh. "Fine, whatever. Go do that. I don't want to even hear him." Quinn exited the room and I went over to Eri tentatively. "Hey, how about we don't throw candles and instead talk like a human being."

"How about we don't act like assholes and desert people." They kept the blanket over their head and hunkered down even more.

"Desert? What are you talking about? I didn't desert you. Eri?" They stayed quiet leaving me even more confused. "Uh, can you talk to me??"

"I don't want to fucking talk. Leave me alone."

"Ok but like I kinda need to know why you think I deserted you??? Like what the fuck, dude."

"It's the droppy thing!" Quinn said, shoving the door open again. I whipped my head towards her, getting absolutely nowhere between the two of them. She beckoned me towards her and I left Eri to sulk or do whatever the fuck it was that they were doing. We shut the door softly and I could see a sleepy Yuta on Quinn's screen. "Can you explain it to Johnny?"

Yuta rubbed his eyes and yawned. "I fucking guess. I'll make it simple- chemicals in your brain get released like crazy, pain responders, adrenaline, stuff like that. When the whole thing is over those chemicals are worn out and you have to rebuild them in your system. Which means if something happens too fast, the body struggles to rebuild them on such a high demand. It can take up to a few hours, days, or weeks depending on the person." He yawned. "So anyway, you get physical symptoms like excessive tiredness, heightened pain, etcetera and you also get your emotions thrown out of whack, so more sad, depressed, angry, feeling unloved. All that. Can I sleep now?"

"No, no, no! What do I do? How do I fix it?!" I grabbed Quinn's phone, shaking it as if Yuta could feel my annoyance.

"Well, first of all, stop trying to be something you're not. You're not a Dom if you're not gonna learn about the shit surrounding it. Two, you literally have to take care of her. Act like the loving, sweet, caring, devoted boyfriend she deserves but will never have. Can I go to sleep now?" He repeated.

"Yeah, fine! Asshole!" I gave Quinn back her phone and crossed my arms over my chest angrily. What the fuck did he mean by that? I could be caring if I wanted to...I think I'm a decent guy… wait. Feeling unloved? Was that what Eri meant when they said I deserted them? I was vomiting! I'm sure that vomiting doesn't count as deserting someone!

"So, guess you have to clean up your mess." Quinn snipped.

"I just don't get how me being sick makes this my fault."

"Maybe it was more so of not being by their side when they wanted you to be. You said they were getting clingy?"

"Yeah, and I was sweating and gross and...this is why I don't do relationships. I don't do clingy." I said bitterly.

"Good thing you're not dating Eri either because I would hate for her to be with someone so heartless. Fix your fucking mess, Johnny."

"I don't even know what to do!"

"Figure it out then and fast."

I rolled my eyes and wanted to slam my head into the wall. Great. Just great. I tiptoed back into the room, hoping that another candle wouldn't come flying out. Eri was sitting up now, looking grumpier than ever. I cleared my throat and almost took a step back when their eyes snapped up to meet mine. "H-h-heyyy…..cutie.” I tried to sound as “loving” as possibly given my state of fear. “H-how ya feeling?”

They didn’t answer.

“You wanna uh ...cuddle? Or something?”

They still ignored me, instead opting to try and get out of bed. They gripped onto the headboard post for support and grunted through the process and I realized they were in more pain than I thought. I rushed over and held onto their waist. “Hey, babe, take it easy. You’re hurt?”

“Of course I’m hurt.” They said finally. “You have a vendetta against my cervix. My hips too, apparently.”

I looked at the deep brown bruises on the sides of their hips and winced. Good job, idiot. “I’m sorry. I thought it was really hot at the time and we were enjoying it and-”

“Just shut up. I’m going to shower.” They limped over to grab their towel from the hook on the back of the door but I stayed on their tail, making sure that they weren’t going to collapse. 

“What if I make you a bubble bath? That might be better for your muscles. I can try and do that.”

They sighed and nodded after a moment’s pause. “Fine. That sounds good.”

“Ok...ok, cool. Come on.” I set my arm around them and guided them towards the bathroom, trying to sneak out without Quinn and Jae really noticing. I’m sure it failed but i had more important things on my mind. I sat Eri down on the toilet while I got to work on filling the tub and dumping in all the great things they had used for my bubble bath. When it was finally ready they retied their hair and I helped them sink down slowly into the sea of bubbles. I sat with my back against the tub, arms propped on my knees and completely silent as they soaked. It was tense and a bit awkward but if this helped them not feel like crap because of whatever head chemical thingies that were going on then I would wait.

“I’m sorry…”

I turned to face them, puzzled by their sudden apology. “For?”

“I should’ve told you about the subdrop thing. The, um,...you know the reason why I’m probably feeling crappy. It’s only happened like once before so I didn’t really register it. I just wanted to sleep all day.”

“Yeah, Quinn called Yuta to have him explain. They suspected that might have been it. Though I'm still not 100% sure was it actually is.”

“It’s really my fault. We aren’t really in that kind of relationship. We were just having a rough fuck you know? It really shouldn’t have hit me that hard. I’m also sorry I threw the candle.”

I leaned my head back and looked at them. “Definitely could have done without that, for sure.”

They set their arms on the edge of the tub and kissed me. “I know...my head’s still weird...Maybe we should cool it on the jealousy thing a bit?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m not jealous.” I lied. 

“Johnny...you have a problem with jealousy and I don’t really understand it. Why are you jealous of everyone else I’m with?”

“I’m not! It just pissed me off! It’s not jealousy when you’re literally mid makeout sesh and your gir- your like...makeout person or whatever decides to just kiss someone else and try and get wrapped in a foursome!”

“Then why did you mention Taeyong?”

“What?” I asked.

“Taeyong. When you were about to shove your fingers in my mouth. You said that you should get Taeyong to see me like that and that I settled for less with him.”

Oh. Right. “I don’t remember.” I averted my eyes and shrugged. 

“Well you said that so...that’s why i’m saying cool it with the jealousy when there's nothing to be jealous of, you know?”

“Again, i’m not jealous. Maybe you should cool it with being an asshole and just dumping me to go mess around with someone else.”

I felt their arms around me then, droplets of water pressed between my back and their chest as they held onto me. “Ok, I’ll promise I’ll try. I know it wasn’t really right of me to go off with Josue and Quinn and I are always just messing around. You know they like Jae a lot. It’s just for fun but i’ll try and be a good princess for you.” They sighed. “No...wait. We shouldn’t actually do the daddy thing either if it’s just going to get us into more trouble than it’s worth.”

“Eri, you both know we like it, no matter how cringy it can get. It takes our fucking to the next level. So why don't you also stop thinking that I don’t want to learn anything and just teach me how to be your top controller person. We can do it on a basic level, no?”

“Dom, Johnny. Dom. Not top controller.” They giggled.

“What the fuck ever. That.” I took their hand and pressed it to my lips. “You know I didn’t mean to desert you or anything. I felt really sick after I came. I think all the movement and the food and drugs and shit just caught up to me and i puked a lot. I wasn’t feeling too great and got really hot and sweaty. It’s not that I didn’t want to be by you or be in bed with you, it was just that I physically couldn’t be. I felt like shit. Still kind of do. I haven't eaten much today either.”

“I know…" They sighed and nudged their chin to rest on my shoulder. “I shouldn’t have taken it out on you.  Heard you puking before I started to fall asleep but I was already spacey. But I will say this…"

"What?" I reached my arm back to scratch at their head gently.

"Though I'm in pain and feel like shit, if you fuck me like that again, you better make me yours." Just as my cheeks flared up they grabbed a hold of my arms and tried to drag me into the tub.

"Ahh! Fuck! Eri!" I managed to get my ass up on the edge of the tub and kick off my sweats before crashing into the water with them. Water went splashing everywhere and they got dunked beneath me. I helped them up and they wiped the suds off their face, sending us both into a fit of laughter. "You're so dumb, I swear."

"You're even worse." They wrapped their limbs around me, keeping me flush against them. "Do you feel better?"

"I will once you do. I don't want you to feel like shit because of me."

"I'll get there." They said and gave me another kissed. "It just takes a bit to shake off. I'll be okay."

"You better. Asshole." I chuckled and cupped her face in my hand. "And you better eat when we get out."

They rolled their eyes and sighed. "Yes, daddy." 

"Don't be such a shit, I mean it, ok?" I said sternly.

"I know. You can heat it up for me while I stay in bed all cozy under the blankets. And you can bring me something to drink to."

I glared at them. "Excuse me. What am I, your maid?" 

"No, but you can be a nice daddy and do that for me. Since you want to learn so much."

I sighed and set my head on their chest, avoiding that shit eating grin. What the fuck did I get myself into?

--

We stayed in the tub for a bit, getting way too caught up in making out ad grinding though I should have been letting them rest. I really needed to stop thinking with my dick all the time and actually focus on being good for them. I managed to stop before they tried to ride me and distract me with possibly hours of more fucking. Somehow it was easier to get them to listen this time and i helped us both out the tub and got them wrapped in their towel. I had to clean up the mess and dry the tiles before anyone would slip on them. Our clothes got soaked with the splash which was another thing i had to tend to. “Hey, go to the room. I gotta clean this shit up before Quinn chews me out.”

They shuffled a bit anxiously and looked up at me with a puppy dog stare, their sudden soft center of duality most likely the leftover results from this drop thing. “I promise I’ll be back as soon as I’m done okay?” I kissed their forehead and curled my finger around a now springy curl of hair.

“Ok, ok. Just...hurry up.” they said softly.

I nodded and urged them out of the room, hoping that they would be able to sit still for a minute. I found a spare towel to wrap around my waist and unplugged the drain in the tub. I went out to the kitchen after, getting Quinn to find the mop for me so could start drying the floor. As I was passing by Eri’s room again, I heard them talking. I poked my head in and listened, realizing they were on the phone.

“No, no, no. You ca’t have New Years Resurrection with out a little Halloween fun! We have to do IT is the End! That’s my favorite and you know it.” They paused. “Ok, but what about Stabbing in the Dark? Ugh, Andre! Come on. Let me pick something! We already came to a consensus on Closer, Porn Star Dancing, I’m not Okay, and Party Hard for the finale. We only have a half hour set and we’re closing out the show. It has to be good!”

Wait, where they playing a show soon? Why didn’t they tell me anything?

“Ok, fine you pick two songs that you can lead on and I’ll do the two Ice Nine Kills song and then we’ll be gucci. Or maybe I’ll do some Motionless... THE POINT IS i will talk to you tomorrow at practice and then we’ll finalize everything. I’m not feeling so hot right now and I need to eat....no i’m not with my boyfriend...He is not my boyfriend, okay? Andre i swear to god.”

I stepped into the room, trying to be quiet but they noticed me instantly. “Anyway gotta go. Tell your mama to save me some cornbread. Okay bye.” They hung up quickly and tossed their phone onto the bed. “Hey.”

“Uh...hey. Who were you talking to ?” I asked.

“Oh, that...uh...Andre. Um...he’s in my band. Our band. It’s our band together.”

“You guys playing a show soon?”

Eri’s eyes went wide and they immediately dodged my attention. “A what? Oh noooo, heh, nope. Just...a...”

“What’s New Years Resurrection?”

“Nothing! It’s totally nothing!”

“Why are you being so secretive?” I stepped a bit closer to them, leaving the mop in the doorway.

“Me? I’m not being secretive! It’s nothing I swear!”

“Then why did it sound like you were trying to make a setlist for a show that you’re closing out, presumably on New Years Eve, hmm?? You know closing out a show is like a big deal, right?” I nudged their arm playfully. “So you mind telling me why you haven’t told me about this before?”

They pouted. “I’m not telling you anything. Now or never. There’s no show. So stop being so nosey okay?”

“Eri, is there a reason you don’t want me to go?”

“No one is going! Just hush!”

“Eriiiiiiiiii.” I taunted. “I’m going to your show.”

“NOOOOOOO! Johnny, you don’t understand! I never invite people to come see me!”

“Why not?”

“Because!” They squeaked. “I get way too nervous and embarrassed and I act totally different on stage than i do normally and i’ll just freak out the whole time, ok?!”

“I actually want to see you play. You know I do.” I set my arm around their shoulder and pulled them to my chest. “Besides, it cant be that bad, can it?”

[sambart93]

2017.09.19 Nanbaka Review!

I got to see JP again ^_^ *peace sign* And I’d always wanted to watch Nanbaka but after a friend told me they gave up after the first episode, I was a little cautious but the fact it got a stage meant that it was good and popular right?...right?! So I watched the anime about 2 weeks before I saw the stage and I loved the anime immediately! It’s so much fun yet still has really dark moments in it! Give me season 3 now!! Anyway, so because of that, I was super excited for the stage even more! And also with the visuals and it having such a great cast: I always enjoy Tomorun’s performance, I love JP, I really like Ire and want to support him whenever I can (without going out of my way), it has NAOYA in it as probably my (most/second) favourite character -- it was looking promising!

Lets get on with it!

Official Twitter here Official Website here Press Coverage 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 Video Coverage 1, 2, 3 PreOrder the DVD here, here or here

CAST and CHARACTERS

Akazawa Tomoru as 15/Jyuugo Kitazono Ryo as 1/Uno Shiozaki Ire as 69/Rock Yasukawa Junpei as 25/Niko KIMERU as Mitsuba Kiji Utsumi Daisuke as Yozakura Kenshiro Hashimoto Taito as Goku Samon Takagi Shun as Hitokoe Mitsuru Utsumi Akiyoshi as Tsukumo Miyamoto Hidemitsu as Musashi Hoshino Yuta as Rian Inagaki Seiya as Godai Yamato Okuyama Keito as Tanabata Seitaro Momiyama Kenta as Sugoroku Hitoshi Gomoto Naoya as Sugoroku Hajime Ensemble

NON-SPOILER REVIEW Overall: Guys!! This was absolutely hilarious and so much fun! They were joking when Tomourun said in the dress rehearsals that it's basically idiots running around for 2 hours, because that's literally what happens! It's complete comical madness and it's SO MUCH FUN! I enjoyed this so damn much!! I don't even know where to start with this! It's entertaining, purposely and accidentally funny (parts that are scripted and parts that are adlibbed), there's a lot of audience participation (even teasing one of the characters xD), the songs are very well done, the characters are enjoyable, the story is simple with a lot of madness thrown in, the staging is great and how it's used, lots of running around the theatre so everyone can get close to them, even though it's hilarious I actually ended up crying at one part towards the end, Tomorun's acting was on point as usual, the costume are great, it's just... just go and watch this god dammit! I preordered the DVD at the venue because it's that good! I am trash... Seriously, everyone needs to watch this if they want a good time! I also highly recommend the anime/manga to get a little taste of the show before you start this stage. I need the dvd for this NOW! I need a second stage NOW! Rating: 9/10  - one of the best I've seen this year.

*

SPOILER REVIEW

PRESHOW

I knew my seat was row 1, but I really didn’t know just how damn close my seat would really be! Also that I'd be right next to the DAMN stairs! I freaked straight away! And then I freaked out even more when I had the ENTIRE row to myself until about 2 minutes before the show started, until eventually one person either side of me finally showed up. There were on 3 of us, in the first row, on the right hand side, right next to the stage! It was ridiculous! I was so happy!! 

I've always had good luck with seating for both JP's and Tomorun's stages. Usually for JP I get within the first 2 or 3 rows for a seat and then with Tomorun, he was right next to me and fighting right in front of me and (this is where I get creepy) his clothing brushed against me when I saw Messiah (here). Also it’s thanks to Tomorun (and my friend recommending I see Binan Koukou because he’s a good actor) that I discovered MakiChan -> we all know my love for MakiChan <3 anyway, so in Nanbaka, Tomorun was literally running past me or stood on the steps or crouched down on the right side of the stage. I think he noticed me pretty much straight away too (I don't know what his eyesight is like) because he seemed to flick his eyes over to me when he could get away with it. When he first went onto the stairs next to me I could see him turn and look right at me a moment before going back into his character. I got all dokidoki <3 

Before the stage started they were playing hard rock like Metallica, which is a wonderful starter to set the mood for this stage! I absolutely loved the songs they were playing so it got me even more excited! And then the music itself in the stage is so good! But I've jumped ahead.

OH! Before I forget, there was one girl who had very obviously come to match Hoshino Yuta; she had this red Chinese-like dress/top on and her hair was platted. I love when fans indirectly cosplay to match the characters -- even though I've heard you shouldn’ do it. I know at places such a Tenimyu and TouMyu there's a strict rule about cosplaying and that it's not allowed so I always assumed it was for all the stages too. But sometimes fans do it where they're still wearing normal clothing and such (I've seen quite a few 'not' MakiChan cosplayers at his stages), it just so happens to be very similar to what one character is wearing xD

Anyway, lets get onto the rest of the stage.

THE STORY

This is very faithful to the anime/manga and we do the main introductions then we go into a new guy joining, next the Taikai is announced and so they do three of the competitions: the Daruma knock out; the Karuta; fighting competition. All the while, someone very suspicious with cuts on their neck and running around the prison and naturally this makes 15 go insane but the others take care of it. However, Musashi provokes him and his duel swords come out and Hajime has to fight him. Finally we get the prison scene where Musashi explains his past and asks 15 to find the guy for both their sakes. Hajime tells him because cell 15 won Jyuugo still has time to say what he wants and he says 'Chance wo Kure / give me a chance' and he returns to the cell and story ends. 

So it's a complete story in a way BUT because of that final scene and the mystery of Jyuugos imprisoner (which is still a mystery in the anime too) they could very easily make a second stage. WHICH I want! Right now! Like tomorrow!

I recommend you watch or read the anime/manga before seeing this stage if you want to know the story and get an idea of what could very well pop up in it.

THE STAGE

This stage was so freaking good! I cannot flail enough about how much I enjoyed this stage! Everything was amazing! I loved how faithful to the story it was but they still left a lot of room for extras and higawaris and improvised comedy and such. I love which parts of the anime/manga story they decided to use for this stage. The pacing was great too! Also, there was never a dull moment in this because of how they paced the story and how ot developed and because of how much comedy there was. BUT that's not to say it was just purely comedy; it hard it's dark moments too! I was a little confused during the '5 minutes before show time' part when they said 'oh another extra rule; please laugh a lot! Also, at the end, please cry!' but seriusly, they didn't need to tell us that. I naturally cried. Both at the sad and dark part at the end - also because Tomorun's acting is so freaking enticing and amazing -, and because I enjoyed myself so much I cried through happiness at feeling so satisfied and so entertained for 2 hours, as well as sadness that it was finishing.

I left the theatre and I was literally like this inside:

It was just so amazing,hilarious, fun, heartwarming, such a good production!

I loved the set and who they moved that around and used it. I loved the costumes and how freaking faithful and perfect they looked and acted as the characters. The music and the musical numbers were so great! I enjoyed pretty much all of them and I defintitely want to rip them into MP4s when I get my hands on the DVD - which I preordered without evening thinking about it. I was straight in line to preorder that baby and didn't care how much it was going to cost me -- especially because Nelke are known for not really putting backstages on their DVDs (I kind of do hope we get a backstage for this one because the cast talked about how idiotic their rehearsals were and how fun they were; I want to see that!), but the stage itself, even if I get just that, is so freaking worth the money for this dvd. I loved how they used the projection mapping; I loved the physical props they did; I loved the ridiculousness of this stage. It's just all good right! I actually cannot think of one thing I was disappointed at in this stage << and that's rare as pigs flying for me isn't it!

Did I already mention the comedy was gold? BECAUSE IT WAS! I loved it all! Some scenes/moments I want to mention:

☆ There was a LOT of running around the theatre both on stage and in the seating area which was really nice for all the audience; everyone kind of got chance of being near the actors xD

☆ During the initial introductions scene; Naoya's character Hajime is supposed to be this serious and no messing around character, but during this part, Naoya/Hajime was tapping his fingers against one of the rails along to the beat while Seitarou lipsynced along with this huge smile on his face - immediately this set the mood for 'this is going to be ridiuclous and hilarious!' 

☆ I really loved the scene where Uno won and would sang during the Karuta Competition and the other three (Niko, 15 and Rock) were to the side on an upper level dancing as stupidly as they could! 

☆ AND!!! They did the famous BLEEP scene (it's in the anime too) during the Sports Day Event! I cannot believe it made it into the stage - I loved it! Tomorun was in charge of the bleeping with this massive bleep machine around his neck. It was hilarious! Even during Rock's solo song moment, Tomorun still had it wrapped around his neck so Tomorun 'played' the deck like it was a keyboard or something xD he was seriously rocking out to each.

☆ NONE of these boys gave anything less than 120% energy and performance in this stage. They were all beautiful covered in sweat and using so much freaking energy - it was so much fun to watch! I don't even know why Ire bothered to have his shirt somewhat zipped up because it was pretty much all undone anyway and the sweat coming off him was a spectacle. Tomorun sweated like a beast too and he was hardly wearing anything -- although those 'chains' around his feet and neck would've caused a lot of that sweat.

☆ I loved when Yozakura Kenshiro did his solo song, Hajime and Jyuugo were sat on the floor looking bored, and the moment the song finished, they both yelled 'kimoi!! / that's disgusting!' it was such perfect timing and of course everyone laughed.

☆ Poor Tsukumo! He was just bullied non-stop the entire stage! I was hilarious, pitiful and adorable at the same time! As soon as he appears, Rock, Uno and Niko are like 'you're a ninja!' and Jyuugo is like 'who's this poser? Why you here?' so Tsukumo immediately go shot down. Then (either the same scene or the next) the Cell 13 (Jyuugo, Niko, Rock, Un) guys  start chanting a mean name at him and I remember JP/Niko and Jyuugo turning to the audience to signal them to join in so Tsukumo had like 500 people calling him a mean name for ages xD it was so funny! One other moment that stuff with me was when he went to go off stage one time, and he suddenly yelled 'ouch/itai' as if he's stuck on one of his shurikens or a nail, but then he immediately went '.... nani mo nai/there's nothing there' -- can you HEAR the laughter coming from me?! No? Well, my descriptions are making the hilarious scenes less funny. But just you wait til the DVD comes and you can see it for yourself! Tsukumo just had the worst luck and was treated like crap throughout the entire play, but it was just so hilarious.

☆ Speaking of pitiful people, we have Mitsuru who just before he commentates the Sports Event, he's in the seating area and said: 'How many people bought bromides?! *most of the room* How many people bought MINE?! *3 people put their hands up* well now you've done it, I don't care anymore.' and moped up the stairs xD

☆ The show I saw, Naoya messed up his very first line and everyone died laughing, but he acted like he hadn't messed up and was so professional and just owned the mistake and acted like it wasn't one. Naoya is so good at everything he does. He's so good! Even when he had no lines he was still pulling the best faces ever and interacting with people ec.

☆ At scene towards the end of the stage: Mitsuru put his mic against Kimeru's chest to hear his inner thoughts, and then did it to himself and then tried it again on Kimeru but didn't work the second time around, so he poked the mic into Kimeru's butt and Kimeru tried to get off stage as quickly as possible. AND THEN Mitsuru put the mic right against Naoya's face so he couldn't talk!

I need a second stage like... already. I need, need, need a second stage, especially with this cast and staff! 

Seriously, who was the director and script writer *googles* Kawajiri Keita - huge freaking kudos for you! I'm pretty sure this guy was the one who did Hatsukoi Monster too... thanks for making such a great script and adaptation!

Now for some things about the actors or the characters I want to touch on...

ACTOR COMMENTS

Akazawa Tomoru as 15/Jyuugo:

I'm always ALWAYS super impressed with Tomorun but I never make a mental note of placing him being one of 'the top 2.5 actors'. But after this show, my brain has very much definitely implanted this memo into my brain. He always does amazing.

To be honest, I wasn't sure if he could do Jyuugo because Jyuugo is this weird happy but dark character with lots of internal turmoil and secrets but why was I worrying?! It was stupid of me to worry about Tomorun as Jyuugo because he was 

Which reminds me; is he popular? I always thought he was pretty damn popular but no one really wanted his random badges; I didn't see anyone buy his bromides; me getting a Row 1 seat is weird because I would've thought it would've been more difficult to get such a seat because I assumed he was super popular. Is he like UeChan in that Tomorun IS popular, just many people don't go out of their way FOR him and his shows? I love Tomorun, he should be popular, he should have more love... he should have al the love... more than what just Izawa gives him... which is a lot to begin with... anyway................

I really, really loved Tomorun's eye contacts! They were so vivid and amazing! You couldn't not look! It also helps that Tomorun has this wide round eyes that catch people's attention anyway. But when he's literally next to your foot and looking out in thought or shock, you can't not be attatched to his eyeline and eyes.

I also really loved Tomorun's little ballad where he talks about his cell mates about 20 minutes into the stage, as well as I loved his final song where he talks about them again and wants to be with them. Both of them are completely different tones but the songs are beautiful and Tomorun sang them so well(!) in fact, I don't think there was one bad singer - which surprised me. I expected Tomorun, or JP or even Naoya to be bad but.... nah. Everyone was either decent or really good!

Talking about Tomorun's sweat above remained me to mention something else about him. He is so freaking tiny! He's just bones and energy! He's so damn small! And due to the very few and thin clothing he wears in this, it was so much easier to see his collar bone and his tiny legs and stuff! I hope he eats -- he must do because he's never out of energy but it was so surprising to see this tiny boy give off such a huge and great performance. I've always liked Tomorun's acting <3 

If you have any Tomorun stage recommendations, definitely let me know!

ANYWAY...

Kitazono Ryo as 1/Uno:

Surpringly either he, his character, or both, were the most popular for this stage; everyone was buying his goods, everyone wanted his trading badge, and you could just feel the air and tension rise when he had solo songs or if there was a moment you could cheer and 'woooh' for him. He got a bigger applause and wooing in those moment we were allowed to interact than Kimeru which really shocked me. He did great as Uno though; he was perfect. They were ALL perfectly casted xD

Yasukawa Junpei as 25/Niko:

JP was just adorable, as I predicted, in this!!! It was nice seeing him do something light and fluffy and fun and happy again! Yet it was a different type of happy to his Konchuuger character. This character is very much a child and very innocent and JP really pulled off the innocent and cuteness of Niko <3 I feel like the character really suited him and I hope they do a second stage and he's back for him.

I want him to do more cute roles! He’s an awkward but really nice guy in real life yet he always does these sexy and/or dark roles, and I super want to see him being more like this:

Look how cute he is!!

But JP too and is freaking skinny looking in this stage because, just like the others, there wasn't really much fabric on him! He isn't as tiny as Tomorun but he's close enough! His tiny little legs and cute little butt. But anyway...

KIMERU as Mitsuba Kiji:

Kimeru never ceases to amaze me. He's always so freaking fabulous and owns his characters! The two girls either side of me were clearly his fans because they clapped and cheered so hard for him. He got to do this ridiculous, flamboyant performance and made to audience clap along every time and properly woooooo and cheering for him.

In one scene, Naoya turned to him and said 'by the way... why you so small?' And he's like 'I am NOT small!'.

He was so good and was perfect for this character! I want to see him do this role again! He was so much fun and he looked damn good in those heeled boots! I think I vagueley remember some thrusting dance moves from those hips of his at one point too... *coughs*

Utsumi Daisuke as Yozakura Kenshiro: 

I feel Utsumi did a great job at bringing this character to life. I didn't really know him in the anime, but in the stage Utsumi really fleshed him out and was much more memorable in the stage compared to the anime. His singing was so good too! Maybe he was the strongest singer...

Hashimoto Taito as Goku Samon: 

Taito got to use some of his breakdancing/acrobat moves in this stage which was great! But unfortunately, while I love him in the anime, his character stage time and development was very small in this one. He was a very minute character and role. Which is a shame because Goku is a character I like and I wanted to see him get more stage time. Hopefully in the second one *fingers crossed*

Hoshino Yuta as Rian: 

Hoshino made me giggle during the fight scene; he's clearly not flexible because he couldn't kick that high and he was barely able to go a cartwheel. This is a type of character we've seen Hoshino do before so of course he nailed his role and did well; Rian is the type of character he's used to and is a pro at.

Momiyama Kenta as Sugoroku Hitoshi: I really loved how in the stage, even though they find out she's a he, people like Niko and Rock still treated Hitoshi as a girl and were still like googly-eyed over him xD

Gomoto Naoya as Sugoroku Hajime: 

This character was perfect for him! He got to yell and insult people for two hours which is something we all know he's a master at! I love, love, love Hajime and Naoya was just PERFECT. He gave me the Hajime I wanted AND more because he's a pro at acting and knows how to take characters, give the performance the audience wants and adds to it so we get even more enjoyment from his character! He was the perfect Hajime <3

AND Naoya can actually sing! I was so shocked! They ALL can legit, properly sing!! They sounded soooooo good!

*

AFTERSHOW - MIOKURI (Actor Send Off)

I was super excited about the Miokuri even BEFORE the show started! I knew Naoya was going to be there as I had checked the night before. But when I rechecked the information they had pinned up, it had Kimeru for this day too! And after seeing his ridiculously, entertaining, amazing performance in this, I was nervous to see him too! 

The line went: Kitazono Ryo (I do NOT remember him being in that line), Kimeru, Takagi Shun, and lastly Naoya.

KIMERU was super duper genki and just had so much energy with everyone. He was like ‘ara! Arigatou! Kawaii!!’. And then we had Naoya who was at the end of line with his hands together in front of (or behind him, I don't quite remember) him and he bowed to everyone just like the gentlemen he is, and he was so professional and calm and just so.... ‘manly’ is a good word to describe him.

*

GOODS

The pamphlet's pictures are so good! I have to show you some!! My thought process is basically 'So cute!!! So cool! DAMN THIS PIC IS NICE!!':

I looked at the pamphlet before show and it was adding to the already crazy excitement that I had. After the show ended I just HAD to get my hands on Tomorun’s bromides also because he was so amazing seriously -- did I already say that?

--

And that’s all for today folks! Hope you enjoyed it and I made you all more excited for this stage!

[junker-town]

Japanese basketball’s ‘Chosen One’ is playing in the G League

Yuta Watanabe may be toiling in the G League, but “Yuta-mania” and hope for the future of Japanese basketball are still alive.

Unlike most G League players, Memphis Hustle rookie swingman Yuta Watanabe has multiple media commitments after practice.

After most games, even away games, he’s surrounded by reporters. During a Grizzlies preseason scrimmage before the 2018-19 season, Yuta needed a separate press conference area to accommodate a group of approximately 20 credentialed Japanese media members. His whole world — the mob of reporters, the Japanese fans who comment on his YouTube G League highlights, the Linsanity-lite excitement in Japan that seems to follow his every move — already has a name: Yuta-mania.

In Japan, headlines refer to Yuta as “The Special One” or “The Chosen One.” He started playing with Japan’s senior national team when he was 16 and he was the first Japanese player to ever receive a Division-I basketball scholarship. He is the second-ever Japanese-born player to play in the NBA. The first, Yuta Tabuse, played four games with the Phoenix Suns during the 2004-2005 season.

Thousands of people packed tiny gyms to catch a glimpse of him during George Washington’s preseason summer trip to Japan in 2016. After each game, his teammates waited on the bus for nearly an hour as Yuta signed autographs and took pictures with swarms of adoring fans.

This past June, Japan added another star to the NBA ranks: former Gonzaga star Rui Hachimura, who went No. 9 overall to the Washington Wizards. Rui may have a brighter future, but Yuta ignited the nation first. Together, they’ve been thrust into ambassador roles for Japanese basketball.

But unlike Rui, Yuta’s life this upcoming season is unlikely to reflect the grandeur of their expectations. On a colorless, rainy February day in downtown Memphis, he is running late to our interview inside the Starbucks facing the FedExForum where the Hustle, the Grizzlies’ G League affiliate, have just finished practice. Two Hustle players push through the doors and head outside, still dressed for practice in team-issue hoodies and basketball shorts. They shield themselves from the weather and hop into the back of an old four-door sedan. Yuta, meanwhile, is being held up by a photoshoot for Dabudouri, a Japanese magazine.

Playing in the G League typically does not come with magazine photoshoots. The league is unglamorous, almost by design. Players earn five-figure salaries and travel by long bus rides around Middle America, giving them a sense of “The Grind”. The Hustle play their home games not in the 18,000-seat FedExForum, but in the 8,000-seat Landers Center in nearby Southaven, Mississippi. Even the G League’s team names — the Hustle, the Drive, the Wolves, the Charge — evoke hunger and hard work. Making it in the NBA must seem even more enticing during the second night of a back-to-back in White Plains, New York, and Portland, Maine.

Once he finishes his shoot, Yuta leaves FedExForum through the front door, jogging 100 yards or so through the rain to Starbucks alongside Geoff Langham, the Grizzlies’ communications coordinator. It’s a smaller Starbucks, and Yuta is 6’9 and dressed in obvious NBA player attire — a black Grizzlies puffer jacket, grey sweats, white Jordans. Still, the other patrons — an older man reading the comics in the Commercial Appeal, a pair of teachers lesson planning, even the baristas behind the counter — don’t look up. Geoff orders Yuta an iced vanilla latte, his favorite since he can remember.

In Japan, Yuta — along with Rui and their generation of up-and-comers — carries the hopes of an entire sport on his shoulders. In Memphis, he divides most of his time between three locations: FedExForum, his apartment, and the Landers Center. On a typical day, he goes to practice, gets a ride home, takes a nap, eats, and rides back to the arena to put up shots. Rinse, repeat. Every choice he makes revolves around the dream that all G-Leaguers share: making it in the NBA.

Professionally, Yuta is in a state of limbo. He has a two-way contract with the Grizzlies, meaning that he can move freely between the Grizzlies and the Hustle without having to clear waivers. He earns roughly the same salary as a mid-career accountant ($77,250). He regularly drops 20-plus points in G League games, displaying a Joe Ingles-esque lefty 3-and-D skill set. But when he is called up to the Grizzlies, he struggles for playing time, averaging 2.6 points and 12 minutes per game this past season.

Yuta’s career is in an awkward place, sandwiched between two opposing forces: Japanese adulation and American indifference. Japanese basketball fans — still a niche group, to be sure — gobble up content about him, hoping he’ll lead the national team to prominence. Looming over the sport’s future are the Olympics, which will take place in Tokyo in 2020. Supporters hope Yuta — along with a cadre of younger, up-and-coming stars — can use that platform to put Japanese basketball on the map. In the meantime, he’s trying to make it in the United States, competing for just one of roughly 360 full-time jobs in the most competitive professional sports league in the world, all while adapting to a new language and culture.

Yuta reconciles these two forces by taking refuge in what he can control. He responds with poise, grace, and a dogged belief in putting in the work and trusting the process. There’s a sense among the Japanese media that Yuta has it, whatever it is. He has the personality, the drive, the pedigree, and the talent to make it at the highest levels.

And if he does make it, he might change Japanese basketball forever.

”The Chosen One” refers not only to Yuta’s skills, but also his upbringing. His father, Hideyuki, played professionally in Japan. His mother, Kumi played for the national team. His sister, Yuki, played for the Aisin AW Wings of the Women’s Japan Basketball League. His parents coached him when he was young, explaining exactly what it took to make it in the pros. Yuta has known he wanted to play in America ever since he was seven or eight, when he watched Kobe Bryant lead the Lakers to multiple NBA titles.

As Yuta grew up, Japanese basketball received largely apathetic attention from the nation’s media and sports fans. As baseball flourished, and imports like Ichiro and Daisuke Matsuzaka took the Major Leagues by storm, basketball floundered. Games were barely available on television. Even Today, Bang Lee, a Japanese journalist for Space Ball Magazine and Tokyo pickup player — describes basketball as “probably the fifth-most popular” sport nationwide, trailing baseball, soccer, tennis, sumo, and perhaps martial arts. Japan lacks organized leagues and urban courts for pickup games. Until recently, it lacked a respectable top league.

Yuta injected excitement into Japanese basketball where there was none. His origin story plays into his popularity. The basketball talent coursing through his genes, his roots in the countryside, and his lanky 6’9 frame combine to make him the perfect folk hero for Japanese basketball.

He grew up in Miki, a small town in Kagawa Prefecture often beset by droughts. He garnered national attention when he played with the senior national team at age 16. He led Jinsei Gakuen High School to the finals at nationals during the equivalent of his junior and senior seasons, and realized that he could play Division I basketball in the U.S. His father knew Don Beck, a basketball coach in Japan since who had connections to American prep schools. Beck helped arrange a postgraduate year for Yuta at St. Thomas More in Connecticut.

During his prep school year, Yuta flashed enough 3-and-D potential to earn a three-star ranking from various recruiting services and an offer from George Washington. He stared down all of the expected challenges an immigrant might face: learning a new language, making new friends, creating a new life from scratch. He found a home in the gym.

”Basketball definitely helped,” Yuta says, “because even though I couldn’t speak English, I was able to spend a lot of time with my teammates, which helped me learning English a lot.”

During his time at GW, Yuta evolved from sixth man who provided energy and defense off the bench as a freshman, to the team’s go-to scorer and the Atlantic 10 Defensive Player of the Year during his senior season.

GW teammate Tyler Cavanaugh — one of Yuta’s best friends, and a power forward currently playing for the G League’s Salt Lake City Stars — remembers a shy Japanese kid who barely spoke any English. He says it’s important to acknowledge the leap of faith that Yuta took as an 18-year-old.

”Something people need to understand is how far he’s come and how hard it’s been for him to leave his home and come over to the States and not know any English,” Cavanaugh says. “I think Yuta gets misinterpreted sometimes. I think it’s the Japanese culture, but he’s very, very shy, very humble. Now you look at him and he’s in the NBA, and that’s a huge accomplishment.”

Yuta’s profile grew in Japan as he got better. Maurice Joseph, GW’s former head coach, remembers the exact moment when he understood how much Yuta meant to Japan. Joseph says after a game, a woman was trying to get Yuta to take a picture with her baby, but she couldn’t make her way through the throng that surrounded him. Eventually, she got tired of waiting and was close enough to toss her baby to Yuta. Yuta was startled, but he caught the baby. She snuck in next to him, and her husband took the picture. She grabbed the baby, bowed, thanked Yuta, and left.

”It was,” Joseph says, “the wildest thing I’ve ever seen.”

Yuta laughs when he recalls that moment.

”Yeah, I mean, my coach told the media that, but obviously over-exaggerated a bit,” he says. “She didn’t throw (the baby), but she kind of forced me to take it, and I didn’t want to drop the baby. There were actually a lot of fans around me and she knew that I’d have to take the baby and take a picture with it, so …”

According to Cavanaugh, Yuta has always been well-aware of his ambassadorial role.

”Yuta is like LeBron James in Japan,” he says. “After one game, we were all on the bus and there was a line of people waiting for him outside the gym to get his autograph and get a picture with him. We were waiting for like 45 minutes because he wanted to stay and he took a picture with all the people.”

After he graduated from GW in 2018, Yuta signed with the Brooklyn Nets’ summer league squad as an undrafted free agent. After a solid performance in Vegas, Yuta signed his two-way deal with the Grizzlies in July.

Across the Pacific, Japanese fans devour coverage of Yuta, whether that’s articles about him in the U.S.-based Kyodo News or Youtube videos of his G League highlights. Pull up any G League video of Yuta — such as this one, which chronicles a 32-point performance against the Fort Wayne Mad Ants — and scroll down. You’ll find that almost all of the comments are written in Japanese.

Yuta may be in professional limbo, but his success at GW and in the G League have done nothing to quell the excitement bubbling among his Japanese fanbase. He has no choice but to live with the hype.

When Yuta speaks, it’s clear he’s media savvy. He’s dealt with great expectations and national attention since he was 16, so he’s polished in an interview setting. With so much noise around him, so much pressure, he seems to focus only on what he can control. He’s quick to shoot down most of the easy narratives that apply to someone like him.

Does he miss Japanese food?

”I found a Japanese restaurant in Memphis. Sekisui. I get sushi. It’s really good, really authentic. I don’t really miss Japanese food here because I can eat it (when I want).”

Does he miss his family?

”Obviously, I’ve missed my family, friends, and everybody, but I can talk with them on the phone all the time. I feel comfortable here.”

”Yuta is like LeBron James in Japan ... there was a line of people waiting for him outside the gym to get his autograph.” - Tyler Cavanaugh, former George Washington teammate

Does he feel the pressure of being “The Chosen One?” Yuta is far too polite to roll his eyes, but it’s clear he’s fielded this question several times before.

”I don’t really feel any pressure. I can control only what I can control. I know they are calling me ‘Chosen One.’ (That’s a) big nickname. But there’s nothing that I can do with it.”

Yuta combats pressure by losing himself in his craft. His daily routine is simple and consistent. Just basketball, all the time. He never needed to drive at prep school or in Washington D.C., and he’s supposedly currently working on his drivers’ license. For now, he gets rides between the arena and his apartment from Austin, a Grizzlies intern. He’s living in a simple apartment, nice and clean. He’s not really into fashion or video games.

”I just love basketball,” he says. He’s almost apologetic, perhaps sensing that I’m mining for interesting off-the-court nuggets.

But basketball is what he wants to talk about. He’s a hoops nerd and he lights up when talking about old teams or current players. Yuta grew up a Lakers fan and credits Bryant for making him fall in love with the game, but he spends more time now watching Ingles film.

”I like his game and I watch him because I found similarities,” he says. “We’re both lefty, he’s a great defender, a great shooter. I try to, you know, steal.”

He also admires Tayshaun Prince, arguably the patron saint of lefty 3-and-D players and a current member of the Grizzlies’ front office. He lists that title-winning Pistons team — Chauncey Billups, Rip Hamilton, Prince, and the Wallaces — among his favorites, despite their victory over Bryant and the Lakers in the Finals.

After playing his college ball in Washington D.C., Yuta’s happy to live in a smaller, slower-paced environment where he can focus exclusively on basketball. He’s found a home in Memphis.

”I love Memphis,” he says. “This kind of reminds me of where I grew up in the countryside. It was a really small town, so this is actually good for me. This is where I feel more comfortable.”

He’s also found a good fit from a basketball perspective.

”That’s who I am, I think,” he says. “You know, I wanted to play with that Grit and Grind. I love how the team values that. I love how the Grizzlies value the defensive end. I just, I love it.”

During the preseason, Yuta further endeared himself to Memphis by displaying just how much American culture he’s embraced since he moved here. When all rookies were forced to participate in some light hazing by dancing to “In My Feelings”, Yuta hit the Shoot dance and shut down the gym as his teammates rushed the floor and mobbed him. You might know the dance from Fortnite, but it originated in Memphis (and its creator, BlocBoy JB, is taking legal action to make sure everybody knows).

I feel like Yuta Watanabe (@wacchi1013) won his team over with this one. The Memphis Grizzlies rookie was swarmed by teammates after putting a Memphis spin on the "In My Feelings' Challenge. Full video of the Grizz rookies dancing here: https://t.co/Fevr4bQqzT pic.twitter.com/cDICGzyBQy

— Sudu Upadhyay (@SuduUpadhyay) September 29, 2018

”First of all, I’m not a dancer. I’m so bad,” Yuta says, laughing at the memory. “I’ve never done that in front of a lot of people.

”I guess I had to do it. I didn’t even think about it, I just let my body move.”

When Yuta finishes watching film, he’ll sometimes watch Japanese comedies, or The Office, which is his favorite show. He started watching it after he’d reached a certain level of English. He has seen the whole series all the way through at least three times. He lights up when I ask him who his favorite character is.

”Dwight,” he says without hesitation. “Love him.”

Why Dwight? Yuta empathizes with underdogs.

”You know, usually, Jim’s always on top of Dwight, he always does something to Dwight. He’s the guy who always wins the battle. But that one time, the snowball fight? Dwight wins, and Jim was really scared.

”That kind of satisfied me.”

On the surface, Yuta seems like a typical favorite. He was raised for success, almost in a Steph Curry-esque manner, in a basketball family. He’s well spoken. He’s intelligent. He’s good looking. He feels like a Jim.

But the fact that he prefers Dwight may shed some light on his situation in Memphis. He enjoys the simplicity of his life in Memphis, his role as the G Leaguer who has to grind out minutes, the squad player who has to prove himself at the highest level. He’s found a way to shrink the pressure that surrounds him by simply enjoying the space he’s in.

A small but rabid generation of Japanese fans who grew up watching Michael Jordan now has disposable incomes. E-commerce site Rakuten has partnered with the NBA in Japan and sponsors the Golden State Warriors’ jerseys. Recently, The Athletic’s Jared Weiss attended a Rakuten event in which 600 Japanese fans watched Game 1 of the Finals on tape delay in Shibuya, Tokyo.

Basketball may be ready to take root in Japan. Yuta and Rui playing in the 2020 Olympics on home soil is a good opportunity to nurture the seeds of the sport.

The current hope is that Yuta, Rui, and naturalized citizen Nick Fazekas can lead the national team to uncharted success at the tournament. There are also some young guns in the system. Chikara Tanaka — a 6’2 point guard and a current sophomore at IMG Academy, a basketball factory in Florida — broke Yuta’s record when he joined the national team at 15.

Yuta doesn’t have time to keep up with all of the games back home, but he usually takes the time to look through box scores, checking the statlines that his friends on the national team put up.

According to Los Angeles-based basketball journalist Yoko Miyaji, Japan has been planning for basketball at the 2020 Tokyo Olympics Games for several years now. Japan’s top professional league, The B.League — created in September 2016 as a merger between two other leagues that “used to hate each other,” according to Lee — exists solely for the purpose of the 2020 Olympics. Japan needed a respectable league because FIBA had suspended the country’s membership in 2014.

”Yuta and Rui playing in the NBA will be just as big (as the Olympics). Them playing in the NBA will affect Japanese basketball in years to come.” - Yoko Miyaji, basketball journalist

”The 2020 Olympics are really big,” Miyaji says via email. “It isn’t just the actual games. It already has been a turning point since the basketball world in Japan has been focusing on getting an Olympic berth as a host country.”

(Japan received that berth from FIBA at the end of March).

According to Miyaji, Yuta and Rui in particular hold the keys to Japan’s basketball future.

”Yuta and Rui playing in the NBA will be just as big (as the Olympics),” she says. “Them playing in the NBA will affect Japanese basketball in years to come. Not just playing in the NBA, but also them helping the Japan national team be relevant in Asia — and maybe the world — is going to be huge.”

Daisuke Sugiura — a New York-based journalist who covered Japanese baseball stars Hideki Matsui and Boston’s Daisuke Matsuzaka in their primes — agrees.

”Even my mom, who has no interest in basketball whatsoever, knows who Yuta is,” he says. “Still, I don’t think he is as famous as some Japanese MLB superstars just yet. Although that could change next year if he plays well in the Olympic Games in Tokyo.”

The Olympics feel like a sort of litmus test for Yuta and the state of basketball in Japan. Which seems to ride mostly on Yuta and Rui’s shoulders. The situation feels terribly complex, and yet Yuta doesn’t see it that way. He’s focused on the controllable, and living out the dream he’s had since he was seven.

”It’s gonna be great,” Yuta says. “I’m really excited.”

Whether Yuta ever fulfills his “Chosen One” billing on the court, he has already won off of it. His approval rating in Japan — among both fans and media members — has to be close to 100 percent.

”I’ve been working as a sportswriter for a while,” Sugiura says. “I’ve covered a lot of athletes, and I’d like to tell you that Yuta is probably the nicest and most cerebral athlete I’ve ever seen. The guy is smart, polite, and humble. He knows himself and his place. His parents did a tremendous job.

”I know that we have to be objective and neutral as a member of the media, but it’s very, very hard not to root for him. You’d understand if you cover and talk to him even once.”

Given the current direction of the league, it seems like there should be a spot somewhere for a 6’9 multipositional defender with an improving three-point stroke. Miyaji says shooting was always his strength, his pride, the element of his game he worked the hardest before he started grabbing attention for his defense at GW. Yuta shot 33 percent from three for the Hustle this past season. If he can bump that up even a few percentage points, he should have more opportunities in the NBA.

Even his name seems conducive to success. The league has plenty of mononym stars: Dirk, Luka, LeBron, Steph, Klay, Kobe, Dame, Giannis. On the Hustle broadcasts, whenever Yuta makes a play, you’ll hear the play-by-play man scream, “YUTA!” When he dunks, the color man will often yell, “SURAMUUU DANKUU!!!” — the Katakana pronunciation of “slam dunk” — perhaps in reference to the manga series that Yuta enjoys.

Although Rui may enter the league to more fanfare in the States and is projected to be the better player, Lee says that Yuta is the one whom the kids look up to.

”He gives all the young ballers the hope.”

Rui’s entrance into the NBA as a lottery pick could, in theory, dim Yuta’s glow. So far, it hasn’t.

“If anything, (Rui entering the league) will increase Yuta’s popularity,” Miyaji says. “I haven’t seen his popularity diminish yet. Rui gets more coverage than Yuta, for sure, but Yuta’s [popularity] hasn’t decreased.”

However, Miyaji warns, “he might see less media coverage during the upcoming NBA season, especially if Yuta stays on a two-way contract.”

But success for Yuta and Rui doesn’t have to be a zero-sum game. The two are only direct competitors when the Wizards face the Grizzlies, and there is plenty of overlap between both fanbases. As Miyaji emphasizes, “hope” for Japanese basketball refers to both Yuta and Rui, as well as a group of younger stars like Tanaka. Yuta created the hope, and Rui can amplify it.

Still, journalists — and Yuta himself — try to inject doses of realism into the discourse.

”I have seen a few misleading headlines (in Japan), like ‘People in the U.S. are crazy about Yuta!’ which is simply not true,” Sugiura says. “But we mostly report the truth. Yuta is trying to get his minutes in the NBA. It’s not always easy, but he definitely has future potential.”

”Even becoming a two-way player is a big deal for Japanese fans,” Miyaji adds. “He’s only the third player from Japan to play in the G League, and it is a big deal (for Japanese fans) for him to play any NBA minutes.”

Miyaji emphasizes that Yuta understands his situation. He’s gracious with the media, and about what he’s accomplished so far. But he also gets that he hasn’t made it just yet. While Rui is guaranteed minutes and a chance to prove himself, Yuta is not. His position in the league is more tenuous.

Still, Miyaji says most people in Japan believe Yuta will be a full-time NBA player in the next season or two, especially given his size and versatility.

”There are media trying to follow and cover him, but it’s still mostly wait-and-see mode,” she says. “I feel like full blown ‘Yuta Mania’ has yet to happen.”

As you might expect, Yuta does his best to ignore the noise.

”I don’t know when I felt like I could make it,” he says. “I wasn’t sure if was gonna make it, but I’m sure I’m gonna keep working hard. I’m sure that my passion, my work ethic, everything was there.

“I just knew that eventually I’m gonna make it.”

At the end of his career, Yuta wants to know he did everything in his power to succeed.

”No regrets,” he says. “I don’t want it to be 10 years or 15 years (later) and look back on what I could have done. So I just want to do everything I can do every day so when I retire, I can say I did everything I wanted to do.”

Yuta can already look back without regrets for two reasons: first, he’s already accomplished everything he ever dreamed of, willing himself to a two-way contract in the NBA. He clearly enjoys the hell out of playing basketball for a living. Second, he’s already left an indelible impact on Japanese basketball, paving a path for younger Japanese talent. A path that didn’t exist pre-Yuta.

To that end, he’s mindful of his role as an ambassador for Japanese basketball. He hasn’t thought much about his post-basketball career, but when he retires, he wants to mentor the next generation of great Japanese players. He wants to help Japanese players challenge themselves in the States.

”When I was in high school, when I said I wanted to go to the U.S., I didn’t have any connections or any people to talk with,” he says. “It was really hard to find a school that I could go to. Fortunately, my dad knew somebody and that guy helped me a lot.

So I guess I want to help those kids who want to come to the U.S. Give them advice.”

Yuta’s college career didn’t get the storybook ending it deserved. In his final college game, GW lost to St. Louis in the second round of the Atlantic 10 tournament in a mostly empty Capital One Arena in his adopted hometown of Washington D.C.

With eight minutes left in the game and GW down by two, Yuta stole the ball and raced toward St. Louis’s basket. A Billikens player tried to block the shot, initiating contact. Yuta rolled his ankle and needed help hobbling off the floor. GW’s trainer wrapped his ankle and escorted him to a nearby tunnel.

”Prove to me you can run and jump,” he says. Yuta couldn’t. He spent the rest of the game on the bench, his chin bandaged, his ankle sprained as his team’s season came to an end.

”I’m really frustrated, but after I got injured, I was watching my teammates from the bench,” he says. “And they never gave up.”

After the game, he hobbled out of the locker room on a crutch, his ankle swathed in ice. He answered questions in English for the American media and in Japanese for the Japanese media. As he spoke, tears filled his eyes.

Later, after everyone had left the arena, he sent a message to Miyaji, saying he would answer additional questions. He felt he didn’t talk as much as he should have earlier because he was too emotional after the end of his college career.

This is Yuta in a nutshell. Even during a low point in his career, he inherently understood his role as an ambassador for the sport and a representative of his country. And he relished the chance to make a difference and to live within the world of basketball. Even if he plays the rest of his career in the G League, his current life — practice, games, an episode of The Office — is a good one for the kid who always dreamed of playing basketball in the States, “Chosen One” pressure be damned.

”I’m really glad that basketball is my job now,” he says. Then, he gets up to catch a ride back to his apartment, where he’ll eat and nap before returning to the Forum to get up more shots.

This article was reported in collaboration with Dat Winning.