#I have been thinking about writing this post for weeks but brain keeps going “ok but what if there's an exception”

[some-teeth-in-a-trench-coat]

You can always put a traditional instrument in your modern music genre. It is always morally correct.

[keferon]

Ok so, I've got a little something that's been eating in my head for the past hour or so

So, from as far as i am aware, it depends on the iteration of him, but I've seen a few posts talking about how Ratchet is, first and foremost, a healer, and he wants to help people no matter what. But he's stuck under the terrible circumstances of war, and can't save everyone (not like he can always save everyone, even without a war, but it gets alot more challenging). How he even sometimes helps decepticons!

And so, for the mecha au, i kept thinking: Ratchet having a breaking point after losing one last pilot he was close to (honestly something i plan to write at some point), to a stupif decision the company has made, and they right of the bat, not even a week later is sending new recruits, young recruits, to the same suicidal mission bc "they were so close the last time"

He breaks, leaves, and hides with his alien bf, going off radar and starts to secretly help out the citizens, the families, the children, caught on the crossfire because it just seems like no one cares for the little guys anymore.

He works for the people. He's a healer at heart, even if he's not allowed to be - my sister

Idk, just a thought. Not entirely sure what your interpretation of Ratchet really intels, but it's something that keeps chewing at my brain after a few posts about him i saw a while back.

What gets to me though, is wondering how that comes across to Deadlock, ya know? Does that push some change of heart? Does he see the human differently as he risks himself to save the one little kid everyone seems to ignore the cries for help?

I'd imagine Ratchet asking Deadlock help ride around the ruins and to carry the wounded.

Actually. This is EXACTLY how I see him. Like. YES. ABSOLUTELY.

The same thing he was doing in canon, working in Dead end. Caring for people. Regular people who suffer from the war the most.

[chunkypossum]

2024 Fic Writer End of Year Roundup

Answer and then tag three or more creators to keep the game going!

(If you're in my answers consider yourself tagged if you'd like to play!!)

1. How many words did you publish on AO3 in 2024? 619,247... with the way A03 calculates I don't think that's entirely accurate but that's what it says... I would take off 225k and guess it's more around 350-400k

2. How many fics did you complete this year?

18, those event weeks really had a chokehold on me

3. How many in progress or ongoing fics did you start this year?

I have only posted a couple of WIP this year. I have stared at least 20 more, but have yet to post anything on them. Hopefully, I will have them all organized by this evening so I can start with my 2025 goals of getting them all done or at least well on their way!

4. What was your favorite thing you wrote?

I had the best time with What We Deserve!! It has to go at the top of the list.

Honorable mention would be Mother Save Us From Your Twisted fate just because it came out of nowhere and I think I started the first part and finished it in a day or two like a madman and posted without really giving it a second look. Truly a fic of strange passion.

5. What piece was your most experimental or different from your usual style?

probably Lighthouse in the Woods. Exploring a poly dynamic in a fic I didn't originally intend to be poly was an interesting choice for my brain lol but a fun and rewarding challenge!

6. Did any fics surprise you - either while writing or their reception?

Under the Weeping Beech shocked me just because it demanded I write it but there was very little reward with how sad it is. Y'all know I love sad angsty shit but I always seem to find a way to make everything ok in the end. Not so much this time but I simply couldn't make myself write it any other way. This was how it was supposed to be

7. Do you have a fic you wrote and loved that went under the radar? (This is your sign to reblog/repost it!)

Everything kind of went how I expected it to this year, but a fic that went under MY OWN PERSONAL RADAR was When Even Moonlight Burns. I adore the outline but couldn't make myself get serious about it this year. I'm waiting for my depraved self to rise to the surface for that one. It needs to be a beautiful disgrace

8. Who is an artist that inspired you?

I'm not sure I could name anyone without naming EVERYONE. If you have created Azris, you're on this list.

@queercontrarian inspires me daily with her work. Her attention to detail and the fashion work in her pieces are notches on my bones, that's how permanently they have changed me. I find myself staring at them for entirely too long to be appropriate and keep coming back to revisit my favorites!

@elleybug has a vision for her art that speaks to me on a cellular level. Every single piece supplies me with endless amounts of emotion that just make me want to create and create and create!

9. Who is an author that inspired you?

This question is really testing my memory because every time I read something I get inspired. All of you are just too damn good so if I forget to tag you it's only because I am stupid or I simply haven't been able to get to your amazing work yet BUT I WILL... and not because you don't belong on this list!!!

@fieldofdaisiies for her sweet pieces, @born-to-riot for her funny pieces, @acourtofladydeath for her thoughtful pieces, @secret-third-thing for her weird pieces, @iftheshoef1tz for her poetic pieces, @g00seg1rl for her horny pieces, @pippsmcgee for the dazzling intricacy of that piece she is teasing me with @talibunny30 for characterization in that nesta fic that wont leave me, @jules-writes-stories for the emotion she brings, @the-darkestminds for her dark mind that's like a twin flame, @mistandmemories for all that edging and absolute adorableness, @yanny-77 for the mastery of the dynamics between characters, @fourteentrout for the delicious intimacy, @brunetterebel010 for the vulnerability, @neciebee for the lyrical prose, @whisperingmidnights for the soulful prose, @mudandmire for the gorgeous and unique ideas, @unanswered-stars for the heartbreaking beauty!

10. Who is a new author you discovered?

so so many this year! Special mentions to @jules-writes-stories, @the-darkestminds, @mistandmemories who I really consider to be the big three of 2024 for me! Following along each of your beautiful stories this year has been a highlight!

11. Did you do any collaborations? How did it start?

not this year!

12. What accomplishments are you proudest of?

Everything I managed to finish lol. I was worried it would be nothing at all!

13. What did you learn about writing or creating this year?

I work best when I am just dishing out what's been gnawing at me, and trying to participate in too much just for the sake of it was too draining!

14. Any advice you’d like to share with new or aspiring writers?

It's fanfic, take the pressure OFF and just write the thing! If there is a story in your heart you really want to have exist in the world, you need to get it out and let it breathe! Don't focus on numbers or style or craft while you're just getting started. Have fun and create because you NEED to, everything else can come later.

15. What are your creative goals for 2025?

I have approx 12347576412 projects I would like to get written... I'm here to mass produce simply because I can't keep up with my brain. LOL. But truly if I can get one full multichapter fic completed this year I will be very happy!

[oneatlatime]

The Guru

Happy 2024 everyone and welcome to the first time I managed to type 2024 without first typing 2023! Oh and also a write up of The Guru. That too.

Me too Iroh. Me too.

So Zuko is riding high on that post-crisis 'time to get my life together' buzz that, similar to 3 am life plans, should absolutely not be listened to. Wonder how long before he crashes and burns? There's literally 2 episodes left, so I'm guessing one and a half?

Poor Sokka. My boy's got anxiety.

I don't know if it's a monk thing, an airbender thing, an Avatar thing, or an Aang thing, but I envy his complete lack of nerves.

How is Appa ok with them splitting up for a week after JUST getting them back?

I paused in a funny place. Have bonk-eyed Appa.

I love them comparing heights. What do you want to bet that that guy on the right was one of the youngest allowed to go fight, and Sokka made a big deal about how they're almost the same age and surely that means he can go too, right?

A lot of these Southern Water Tribe people have dreads or braids. That's neat.

Bato's arm is still messed up. That's some good continuity.

I've found the source of Katara's cheek bones. I guess Sokka takes after his mum.

Ok I know this is a really emotional moment (and it is! Sokka's spent two seasons earning this!) but my brain fixated on the furs and briefly thought they were sky bison pelts.

"It's been a difficult week for me." This guy thinks the Kyoshi Warriors are there to provide him therapy. Someone please just crown the bear instead.

He just gave away literally every relevant plot point AND outlined how to make sure all these plot points don't succeed. Crown. The. Bear.

Maybe if these generals spent less time playing with their giant model Earth Kingdom and more time general-ing, the war wouldn't suck so much?

Pretty.

I LOVE LOVE LOVE the designs, the colour palette, the music, the sound design of this air temple. I love everything about it. If I had the chance to live anywhere in the Avatar universe, it would be here. Even in its ruined state it's such a refreshing contrast to the claustrophobia of Ba Sing Se. I can feel the freshness of the breeze through the screen.

"A spiritual brother of your people" an adult perspective on a near extinct culture! What a resource!

"and a personal friend of Monk Gyatso" an old as balls perspective. He's got to be at least 130.

Anthropology cul de sac time: this guy is so valuable as a resource on the Air Nomads. There's probably parts of Air Nomad culture that Aang can't ever accurately talk about, because he was a kid when he left, and there was almost certainly stuff that the adults kept to themselves, or only shared with the older Air Nomads. This Guru doesn't seem to be an Air Nomad himself, but there's a good chance that there is knowledge that he has, that Aang doesn't. Aang should be nerding out more about this. I'll do the nerding out for him.

Aang just breezes right by that Gyatso name drop like it's nothing. Huh.

Oh hey Toph. I'd forgotten she was in a box. Tweedle dum and Tweedle dumber really are quite the pair. What's their plan for keeping her fed and watered? Actually, these guys apparently don't know that maps exist, so it's probably never occurred to them that humans need sustenance. They'll rock up to the Bei Fong estate with corpse Toph and wonder why they aren't getting the reward money.

Mai gets called out in-universe for shopping at Hot Topic.

Ty Lee's buttering up of Azula is getting less and less subtle as the season progresses. It's a testament to Azula's lack of awareness that she's hasn't noticed that, and that Ty Lee can get away with it.

Azula's right that it's an extraordinary opportunity. The King gave them quite literally every piece of info required to overthrow his kingdom in a 25 second conversation. I can't blame her for taking advantage of such an easy win.

That's a very effective unimpressed face. And a very impressive beard.

It's funny to see a spiritual concept from the real world pop up in a show that includes things like bending and giant fish possession. The mention of Chakras kind of sticks out. They couldn't invent a Avatar universe version?

"Once you begin this process, you cannot stop until all seven are open." Well that doesn't feel like foreshadowing at all.

This episode should be called "Aang's self-care Journey." It's about time the kid had a me day that wasn't avoidance-based.

Fear: Losing Katara - makes sense. Losing control of his powers via fish possession - makes sense. The Fire Lord - makes sense. But the Blue Spirit? He helped. Doesn't make sense.

Guilt: Running away - makes sense, although I thought he'd worked through that with Katara in the storm. Nuking that idiot General's base - makes sense, but boy did he quite literally ask for it.

This guru is saying some wonderfully accurate, and realistic, things. I love that he's not taking the Katara route of denying anything is wrong. He's going for the acknowledge, then heal route. And yes, it's unfair of me to compare the emotional maturity of Katara to a century+ old spiritual expert.

I'm going to ruin the immersion here and point out that Sokka's dad's voice actor voiced a bunch of characters in season 1. He's doing an excellent job, but couldn't they get a unique voice for a character that's so important (albeit offscreen) to Sokka?

That's an incredibly roundabout way of avoiding pointing out that the Southern Water Tribe are active participants in a bloody war. Sure, we can show multiple characters with visible scarring from horrific burns, but heaven forbid we imply that the Southern Water Tribe sinks ships. The parameters for what is and isn't appropriate on this show sometimes make no sense.

"Aren't you listening? I said the rest of you men get ready for battle." He hasn't seen his boy in two years, but fifteen minutes in his company and he knows exactly what needs to be said and how. That's some top tier parenting. Dad of the year. Dad of the century. Only decent Dad in this show that isn't technically an uncle.

"Follow your passion Zuko, and life will reward you." Great advice for your eight year old audience. Also a great way to end up unemployed.

Positive Sokka creeped me out a few episodes ago. Now positive Zuko is freaking me out too.

Pretty.

Back to Chakras! Shame: Burning Katara - makes sense. But that's it? To have the inner peace of mind of a twelve year old who's somehow only ever done one thing that he's ashamed of.

Is there anyone in the earth kingdom who isn't stupid? Once again wondering at the network's standards. Visible burn injuries are fine, but Mai can't say 'Shut up." It's got to be Shush up. Although I do seem to recall of brief time in the early 2000s when Shut Up was treated as a curse on par with Shit or Fuck. Maybe that was just at my school.

Chakras again! Even for a show that often has an A, B, and C plot, this narrative is ping ponging around a bit much.

Grief: nothing major, just a whole nation. Makes a horrific amount of sense. but I don't buy that he can get over grieving the whole world as he knew it by thinking about his crush. That's way too high a pedestal for Katara to be placed on.

Lies: Not accepting he's the Avatar. Interesting that not accepting that he's the Avatar and not accepting that he's a firebender are two different problems.

I see you reusing the opening credits footage. Your blue filters can't fool me.

PRETTY

Illusion: So we're relearning what we learned in The Swamp. Aang's probably the person currently alive least likely to believe in the rigid separation of the nations anyway. This doesn't feel like an illusion he's subject to?

The way this episode dances between its narrative threads is so great. It's all woven in so beautifully. And this makes perfect sense! Toph's spent her life secretly doing things excellently that everyone says are completely beyond her capabilities. Life has taught her that the statement "you are not able to" doesn't apply. Of course immutable laws of bending physics are treated with the same respect as an adult telling the champion of the Earth Rumble that she's can't earthbend beyond breathing exercises. If you told her that humans can't fly, she'd figure out how within the week.

Plot collision incoming.

Interesting that Katara initially recognises Zuko by his voice rather than his scar.

I'm pretty sure that Zuko and Iroh don't know about the whole brainwashing thing, but wouldn't it be hilarious if Zuko introduced himself to Katara as Joo Dee, and his uncle Joo Dee, welcome to the Jasmine Dragon, can I take your order? That would throw Katara into one hell of a moral quandary.

Katara being framed as the solution for Chakra number four comes back to bite Aang, as she's the problem in Chakra number seven. I knew that pedestal was too high.

I've changed my mind. This episode should actually be called "Half a dozen reasons why everyone should just learn to keep their goddamn mouths shut already."

So is anyone going to let Zuko and Iroh know that they're now in immediate danger and need to leave, like, yesterday?

I think the Guru is going for the whole 'if you love them, let them go, and they'll come back to you' thing. Don't cling, in other words. But for the sake of the plot he's suddenly lost his ability to explain Chakras in a way that makes them seem like the logical thing to do. The only clunky bit of this episode so far.

May I introduce you to our Lord and Saviour Toph?

"I am the greatest earthbender in the world." Yes. Yep. Yeah. That's now a quantifiable fact, and it's correct. Look on ye mighty and despair. She's even got Bumi beat.

Earth Tongue Running is a bit wonky looking but it covers a crazy amount of distance.

What's the range on Toph's earth sense? Can she sense what direction Ba Sing Se is?

I hope those two idiots' horse bird is ok.

"You don't know how much this means to me dad." He does. Very much so.

Every word out of this guy's mouth is precision engineered to make Sokka feel like a million bucks and I for one think it's about time someone built him up. Also, seeing this makes me realise how few good parents there are in this show. It's a trope of kids' adventure shows that the parents fundamentally can't be there, but I also think it's a commentary on yet another thing that this war has messed up.

Hey look! Being a man is knowing where you're needed the most, and right now that's in Ba Sing Se, protecting your sister! I love narratives that tie their themes up with a pretty bow on top.

This is Azula laying a trap, right? Which means that Katara squealed to someone about the exact location of Iroh and Zuko's tea shop. Don't like the implications of that.

Photos taken seconds before disaster.

Final Thoughts

This episode was a lot! I mean that in a good way! But I felt a bit like the Maxell Blown Away Guy, the way I kept getting assaulted by yet another plot thread. Don't get me wrong, this isn't a criticism. I think the switching between plot threads and the amount of info in this episode worked 99% of the time. But I'm kind of in awe at the balancing act the writers pulled off and I'm sort of sitting here blinking a bit trying to fit all this stuff in my head. I'm probably going to forget half the stuff I wanted to talk about in this write up, so here goes nothing.

Given the Azula reveal in at the end of last episode, I thought that this would be the episode where the shit hits the fan. I was wrong. I'm glad I was wrong. An episode of set up is required and is nice breathing room, even an episode as busy as this. And I got to leave Ba Sing Se! But this does mean that next episode is going to be calamity after calamity.

Aang and his Chakras: I'm fascinated by this guru. I hope he comes back. That brings the total number of people who were alive before the war started up to three: Aang, Bumi, Guru Patik.

I'm impressed that the run through of the Chakras rarely felt like an info dump. The onion and banana juice thing didn't work for me, but I'm sure it worked for people in the target age bracket. Kids love burp jokes.

So many shows sprinkle in tragic backstories for flavour and then never have them influence the character in the present. It was a nice contrast to see a show take a whole episode to tell Aang "yeah all that sucked. It's ok to feel down about it. Here's how you move forward."

Sokka and his dad: Love it. Love it so much. I love seeing Sokka built up, and he definitely deserves it, but I wonder if this is the reward for a character arc well done, or the set up for a character arc that's about to start? Is his dad's praise his prize for crossing the finish line, or is it so he's built up with farther to fall?

I loved seeing more of the Southern Water Tribe. I loved the fashion. There's a lot of variety in accessories and variations on a few basic elements like those knee guard things. I loved their hairstyles. I loved how cozy and communal that command tent felt. I loved their ships. I wonder how often these guys work out, that they can make loading ramps that are presumably deployed and stashed out of the way frequently, out of whole logs rather than planks. I have a bone to pick with the child-friendly sea mine. But it provides a good set up for a dad joke, so I'll let it slide.

Zuko and Iroh: Of course the one time Zuko is allowed to be in a good place, it's so that he and Iroh both have farther to fall when the inevitable happens. Poor guy just can't catch a break. I'd be mad at Azula for the party crashing that I'm assuming she'll do next episode, but it's been established that Zuko has all nice things taken away from him as soon as he gets them, and I can't blame Azula for being a tool of the universe.

Azula & Long Feng: Azula's acting in Long Feng's prison cell was miles ahead of what Long Feng was doing in front of the Earth King, so I'm wondering if Long Feng has bitten off more than he can chew. Also: conspiring with the enemy to bring down your own city just so you can reinstall yourself as the power behind the throne that will presumably cease to exist as soon as the Fire Nation takes control? That is both treasonous beyond description and an incredible case of shooting yourself in the foot. What's Long Feng's plan here?

Toph and the Dunderheads: it says something about the consistency of Toph's characterisation from her introduction onwards that she breaks the universe this episode and my reaction was "that's neat." It's obviously a huge moment, but of course Toph can do that. Toph can do anything. More importantly, Toph knows that Toph can do anything, so Toph routinely does do anything, especially things she shouldn't be able to do. If you had asked me a few episodes back which character would be most likely to fundamentally redefine bending, I would have said Toph, since she's already fundamentally redefined bending with her earth sense sonar vision.

Also Toph just breaks stuff. Things that come into contact with her cease to function as intended and instead function as Toph requires. Look at the two idiots: both successful business owners, one also a successful hoodwinker of the richest family around. But they come into contact with Toph and their brains take an extended vacation.

Katara & the Generals: this plot was more like an extension of Azula's plot than its own standalone thing. You can't blame her for spilling the news about Zuko and Iroh to someone she honestly thought was Suki. Not much else to say about it, although it's cute that she asks for a table for two at the tea shop. Momo gets a chair!

I like that there's a theme this episode of things going wrong despite the best intentions. No one's acting maliciously here apart from the Antagonists. The Earth King is having an honest chat with people he thought were friends. Sokka vouched for people he honestly thought were the Kyoshi Warriors. Katara shares information about a presumed threat with people she honestly thought were her allies. You can quibble with the wisdom of some of these decisions, but there were all done with good intentions. The best laid plans of mice and men oft go awry and all that. It brings to mind that Star Trek quote about how you can do everything right and still lose. And this set up is going to hit harder when whatever goes wrong next episode happens. And something will go wrong. A few months ago I figured that the Season 2 finale would be a triumph, but all signs are pointing towards a tragedy instead.

This episode was visually stunning, the soundtrack in the Air Temple sections especially was very evocative, and I applaud the minds that could juggle that many plot threads at once without dropping any. This one is definitely going on my rewatch list.

[jessconsumesmedia]

CBS Ghosts 4x08 and 4x09

Hello so this is gonna be Two parts because the episode was two parts so get ready to listen to me twice (I mean or not that is fine too) (HI THIS IS SO LATE I KEEP WRITING ON IT AND THEN GETTING BUSY!)

Also they are not broken up by episode they are broken up by storyline cause I’m pretty sure like most of the next post will be me freaking about H-money snippets.

Tis the season to freak the fuck out about fictional characters :)

Festive spoilers ahead

Ok so quick overview I fucking loved this episode. Like genuinely it had so much going on and it scratched a very specific itch in my little tv fueled brain.

Sassapis is a 500 Year Old Virgin

Awesome actually that’s what I figured. I kinda love the idea that he is ace and just is not a fan. Thor tried so hard to keep his secret he really did he doesn’t really know how relationships actually work. He also really did not need to add that whole still a virgin after death he really coulda just left it and flower probably woulda forgot lol. Flower also does not know how relationships work so her saying he had to tell her was a bit rough but I am glad that we keep seeing parts of these characters that show how grey they really are. CAROL I genuinely love how insane she is like when we see her she makes me giggle like a mad woman so her being like “you can’t handle this” like that woman is a FREAK. And you know what good for her. (I also kinda hate her cause she’s terrible but it’s like fun hate)

SASS AND THOR ARE BEST FRIENDS I WILL SOB. It stands to reason that Thor would have learned Lenape but having the confirmation is lovely. I really enjoyed that they were like little toddlers yes in fact I do want to go see a moose carcass we’re besties now. It is so sweet.

Double Possession/Sam and the Core Four

Oh my god. Rose’s Nancy impression is probably like one of the funniest and best impressions. Like she nailed it. It even sounds like her! The basement ghosts probably should have warned them they know they aren’t that smart but oh well. Nancy being the reason that Champa likes Sam is hilarious like she is actually going insane and that is what you like. I feel bad that Sam was excluded for so long but after she finally is I think she has a better chance at bonding. Rip the car though Nancy was really not very nice for that. Jay telling his mom to chill and try to be mean is very wife guy of him. I’m probably forgetting things now cause it’s been a few days but I really loved that Sam got added and I love that we met Jays family (also his full first name is Jayanth idk why I just automatically assumed it was just Jay but it’s a very good name) and now this post is incredibly long so I am going to stick Jays relationship to his dad in part two lol.

Also absolutely crazy random tangent but I just learned Hetty’s middle name is Eleanor and I just like that.

Anyway part two will exist sometime soon hopefully but I am also going on a study abroad trip for like two weeks so I will be very busy. So idk

Here’s a picture of Trevor that I think is funny

-Jess 💖

[bomberqueen17]

ow

lol so. i'm at home after the farm season right. i have so much writing i have been wanting to do, and i have succeeded at doing some of it! i had a brief "ah chicken season is over" hiatus before The Dread Deturkening, and spent that whole thing writing frantically, hence the solarpunk tall ships idea which is still in progress btw-- I did finally start a for real draft version to solicit feedback and now I realize a bunch of people's tumblr handles is not a great way to actually connect so i need to figure out how to do that-- which is beside the point of this post--

anyway. now that it's For Real Hiatus From Farm Season I'm trying to actually get my life in order and not succeeding very well.

Dude's company laid off a bunch of his team and therefore shut down the local office, so he, being the last man standing, had to go in and clear the space out. As part of that, his former desk is sitting in our garage, and I'm trying to clear out space for it in the basement. The basement is a black hole of fuckery because one year ago, some of you may remember, we had our kitchen remodeled, and we had contracted to do it in February but they called us the last week of November and said can we do it now instead, which sure but it meant I had to haul seventeen years' worth of stuff out of the kitchen into Literally Anywhere Else and then they needed me to clear out part of the basement erroneously believing they were putting in a new support pillar, which they weren't, but then they needed me to clear out a path to the back wall of the basement because the electricians needed to install a whole new panel there, so like, ok cool but it just meant a lot of things got haphazardly hauled from one corner of the basement to another in tremendous hurry with no time for keeping track of what's what. So that's a disaster and now's the time to fix it.

I have also been hauling some of it to the attic. I had been using the desk in the spare room for sewing on the days when Dude was working from his office. Since those days no longer happen, I have no access to those machines now, which are stacked in a corner. The basement is now too crowded for me to resume using the little space I'd carved out down there, so I have put some sewing stuff into the attic, which isn't insulated and is rather drafty now. But anyway. I'm rearranging a lot of things and can't make progress on any projects while that's happening.

I got a ton of reorganizing done on Monday evening in the basement (having spent the whole morning hauling shit out of dude's former office, which is now surrendered and locked and all set), and yet more Tuesday, and was hoping to finish it yesterday but Tuesday evening I fucked up my back, it felt all crunchy, and I was really worried until I woke up Wednesday in just torrents of gore, which I realized is my new perimenopausal normal-- I've started to realize that menstruation does fucky shit to all my connective tissues, so I shouldn't actually worry about my lower back destroying itself if it's also Cramp Time. So I spent yesterday absolutely immobile, dosed up on ibuprofen and just like that scene out of the Shining except wrapped in blankets and drinking herbal tea.

I also spent much of yesterday just. Unconscious? Which was weird. I don't know why I'm so fatigued but at least I'm sleeping.

(I also cleaned the oven. Do not recommend, especially not when one's lower back is doing mysterious rice krispie impressions.)

So today I was hoping to get back to work but I do feel like I've been beaten with sticks. Maybe instead I will finish working out how to get people who've expressed interest in beta-reading into a google doc.

A not so hilarious side note is that if I do not have a desk to sit at I have trouble organizing my thoughts?? IDK it's very weird but there are several tasks I need to do where I'll need to have my laptop and a sheet of paper in front of me I think, and my brain is like "illegal unless At Desk" and that's tough shit since I don't have a desk. I had started noticing it over the summer in the cabin where I also don't have a desk. How do I organize my thoughts if I can't Sit At A Desk to do it????? One would think I'd figure it out since i've spent most of my life without a desk of my very own, but. Not so far!!! Not currently.

Also a major thing my brain is Not Allowing me to do is finish preparing for Christmas. I'm not seeing family for Christmas, for the like tenth year in a row because every year we arrange to do it together my older sister fucking flakes out, and this year it was the off year but she flaked out of thanksgiving instead-- i'm not saying she doesn't flake out for good reasons, one of her kids was real sick and i'm not mad, but the fact remains, we're not seeing that bit of the family and she's not letting us make any contingency plans, so my brain is like Fine No Christmas Then and won't let me figure out what to get people for gifts and it is actually a problem because some of those people are kids and are expecting me to figure it out anyway.

argh.

my beloved godfather, my Type A mom's little underachieving alcoholic gay probably ADHD depressed college dropout brother, never was good at christmas presents for us kids either, and still managed to hold it together better than I am despite being in a relationship with a man who wouldn't allow him to tell us nieces about him and so he just showed up to all our family events and was my uncle's "friend" and we all figured it out anyway so there was no point hiding it from us but ugh they still did and i remember us at some point in the 90s, all us sisters sitting together ranging in age from high school down to elementary school and my older sister being like "we all know they're gay right" and us all being like "yeah why can't we just say it" and the oldest sister looking at me, who even then everybody knew was the gay one, and i was like "man i don't know" and we all just solemnly agreed to not mention it...

anyway

he did better than this but he died of lung cancer in '08 so I can't ask him how he managed it. (what i have in my favor is that my dad's side of the family gave me asthma so i never could have taken up smoking, so at least that won't kill me.)

He never got an ADHD diagnosis tho so I can't find out what meds he took. Well, he took whiskey, we know that. It didn't work though. and he wasn't really a loser, i've met so many people who knew and loved him now that i'm an adult and sometimes go around in the city where he lived. even now so many people remember him so fondly. and he bragged about us, his nieces, all the time, all these people know who i am as soon as i mention him. boy i miss him!!!

this is the miracle of the ADHD brain I was fretting about house cleaning and now i'm grieving my long-dead uncle, who of course I knew mostly through the lens of my mother who literally never understood him in the slightest.

[religion-is-a-mental-illness]

By: Ben Appel

Published: Nov 15, 2024

Over the past eight years or so, we’ve heard a lot of stories about people being canceled for daring to express ideas that deviate from the prevailing, batshit crazy orthodoxies around race and gender. They’ve been publicly shamed, had their lives threatened, and quite a few of them have lost their jobs. Many people who typically vote blue had become so repulsed by the Democratic Party’s progressive wing that they either withheld their votes last week or decided to cast them for Trump.

Having borne close witness to woke’s destruction,1 which I wrote about in last week’s newsletter, I’m one of those Democrats who didn’t vote. And, as I also said in that newsletter, I can’t help but feel relieved that the Democrats lost. It’s like a spell has been broken. (Well, almost.)

A lot of people feel very differently. They’re calling it the end of democracy. The arrival of fascism. “Last week was America’s last presidential election,” I’ve heard.

I’m friends with a lot of these folks on Facebook, which looks like the polar opposite of my feed on X, where many are saying they feel similarly to me. My Facebook friends are grief-stricken—as grief-stricken as they were in November 2016, if not more so. And I empathize with them. I worry, too, about the next four years. But, unlike them (it seems), I’ve completely lost faith in the party that, as a “good, liberal gay person,” I’m supposed to blindly support. And I’ve completely lost faith in the liberal media that props that party up. I mean completely and utterly lost faith. I read impassioned write-ups in legacy media outlets about the problem with Trump’s latest cabinet picks and I think, OK, yeah, you could very well be right. But do you seriously expect me to take your word for it? Do you actually think I would still believe a single thing you say, after all the lies you’ve shamelessly told? I mean, come on. You even deny the reality of sex!

Countless conservatives have been screwed over by woke, but many good, hardworking, liberal Americans who cast their vote for Harris last week have too. Liberal Americans who can’t be entirely blamed for signing off on the excesses of the illiberal left. Why do I think they can’t be blamed? Well, for one, everyone is so goddamn busy. They’re busy with kids and spouses and jobs. They have health scares and parents with Alzheimer’s and cars making weird noises. If you think about it, it’s kind of a big ask to expect everyone to know that most if not all of the news outlets and institutions they’ve venerated for decades had been captured by a backwards ideology. Yes, maybe some of these ideas sounded nuts to them. Maybe somewhere in the back of their minds, they periodically thought, Well that doesn’t seem right. But then it was 8pm and the dishes were piled up in the sink and their youngest hadn’t even started his homework yet.

Not to mention that, day after day, woke scolds were hammering into their brains that if they didn’t go along with these ideas and promote them to others, they were “very bad people.” This is what “good” is now. “Good” is telling little boys who like Barbies they’re actually girls and then giving them the same drugs that are used to castrate sex offenders. “Good” is telling a young black boy that the entire world is against him and that he could keep trying, sure, but he’ll probably end up dead or in jail anyway. “Good” is telling 15-year-old girls that, yes, it’s totally normal for you to want a mastectomy, let’s go see if we can make that happen. “Good” is convincing vulnerable white people they’re inherently evil.

On top of that, they were shamed for dating or befriending or even liking the social media posts of anyone who doesn’t follow the orthodoxy. Those people are transphobes. They’re white supremacists. Every minor objection was a “right-wing dog whistle.”

It’s the oldest trick in the cultists’ playbook: Cut off your followers from all outsiders and their ideas.

People talk about the cult of Trump, and there is a cult of Trump. Watching nearly the entire GOP collapse around him on bended knee has been a strange thing to witness.2 But a lot of people who voted for Trump didn’t vote for Trump. They voted against the Democratic Party. They voted against woke.

It’s that damn Newton’s law again. Every action has an equal and opposite reaction. The woke cult and the cult of Trump. The cult of Trump and the woke cult.

Back and forth, back and forth. Left and right are pushed further and further apart, each side fighting to drag the center along with them.

So what’s the solution?

Break the cultists’ rules. Befriend and date people on the other side. Dare to (gasp!) like their social media posts. And talk to people. Believe it or not, there might be a lot of reasons why a Latino voter chose Trump other than, “Oh wow, turns out Latinos are racist.” A Brooklyn mom who wants universal healthcare isn’t necessarily an anti-American commie. And the white lady who doesn’t want her 19-year-old daughter to have to compete against males in sports might not actually want to “eradicate all trans people.” She might just know what fairness is. And she might just love her daughter.

So maybe start there? It’ll be uncomfortable, sure, but that’s the easy part. The hard part comes when you have to admit where you were wrong.

-

1 I considered not using “woke” to describe what I’m talking about here but it’s just so damn succinct and everyone knows precisely what I mean when I say it.

2 I am absolutely not saying that all Trump voters are cultists, just like I would not say that all Democrats are cultists.

==

The Dems will keep losing until they learn this lesson.

"Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it." -- George Santayana

[beesmygod]

today is webcomics day. i am bea and i make "A Ghost Story" - part 1: pre-gaming

webcomic day is a yearly celebration of the art form concocted by the screentones podcast team as a way for people to see how the sausage gets made. my webcomic "a ghost story" has been running for over 10 years, and yet i still don't think i can say i am good at making a webcomic. regardless, the comic is getting made because otherwise i become very, very sick in the head. today i would like to share with you the process of making a page of "A Ghost Story" from start to finish. either this demystifies the process or will make you think im so cool and strong for doing this 2x a week. instead of reblogging this one post until it gets very long, i will be posting individual updates that i will then compile and post on my personal website. block the tags now if you HATE comics and want them to EXPLODE.

if you have any questions, even things like "what the fuck are you even talking about" feel free to ask. i want to feel confident in what i make again and i think sometimes interrogation from an outside source is really

---

that said, let's get started. wait just kidding i want a cup of coffee first, hold on.

ok now im ready. i have a big glass of water. i have coffee. i have a headset for the parts of work that don't involve typing words. i can't type words and listen to some streamer babble in my ear at the same time, so it has to be instrumental music or nothing. i just took my meds so they should kick in after about 30 mins. i woke up late today, which is weird and annoying. but maybe i can work late instead.

first off, i need to know where i'm going beyond this one page. if i dont know where im going with something, then i usually create something that sucks that i have to deal with later. hold on my internet died, i have to reset the router. ok, anyway.

what's rattling around in my brain is that not only do i have to deal with maxine's current predicament, i am also dealing with multiple plot elements i need to wrap back around to from the previous chapter. luckily, im about to put maxine down for a nap, which means i can get back to those other elements:

i need to finish the exposition from the three ankou characters for this story arc establishing their motivations as the oppositional force in the story. the "villain" is not these three specifically, but their boss. they need to have a loose understanding of what's going on in order to communicate this to the audience. god this started turning into a huge ass paragraph so i'll just keep it short there.

we've jumped back to before jack's horrible day from the first chapter of this storyline so we have to make our way back toward that and then lapping it, which means wrapping up his various open threads like:

feeding victoria and learning something new about her

finding out alice is a very exceptional employee who is getting many awards

watching valdo call lily while interrupting her during something personal to ask her for help with maxine's situation.

jack meeting with valdo and lily the day after they first met so jack can just tell them straight up that lily has 4 sisters she doesnt know about.

help that girl with her poltergeist problem. remember that. i've had jokes for this rattling in my head for like 4 years. im going insane.

and also the fucking tilberi!!! that has a point its going somewhere!!! there's a larger menace here!!!

other things to set up the climax of this storyline. sexual tensions, hints at larger emotional problems not immediately evident to the reader

lots of moving parts. and i feel like im moving in slow motion to get to them. i can see them all weaving together in my head, its the process of putting that onto paper that's proving difficult.

ok that took an hour starting and stopping. -_- let me write the next part as i keep brainstorming on how to approach this page. taking a "rubber duck" approach to this might help. heres an image from the last page i worked on (i have a 5 page buffer rn so the site does not match the finished pages) to get us semi-situated.

also because images will help people understand what skill level we're working with here. i need to be able to communicate an idea to the audience; if the art also looks good on top of that, then that's just an added bonus. but the ability to communicate my ideas is sometimes hampered by my lack of artistic skill or comics language ineptitude. like those speech bubbles kind of fucking suck but at a certain point you have to just hit print on what you're working on in order to keep your already glacial pace.

webcomics is a tightrope act where you're also spinning 4 plates at once. the trick is to keep the audience from realizing how many actually fall or how wobbly they all are. the act sucks but technically its not a failure.

[kozachenko]

I've crawled out of my cave after playing Final Fantasy IX for a long ass time what have I missed?

Artist's Notes:

I'M BACK BABY! A while back I made a post with a new style experimentation thingy but I ended up deleting it because it was just kind of a boring face thing, I was planning on doing more art but then I started playing Final Fantasy IX and uhhhh yeah so that game has kind of taken of my brain for the past two weeks and I am 20 hours into the game because I love it so much. I wanted to draw Vivi because Vivi is just really fun to draw ok? I've kinda been feeling really burnt out with my lineless style, mainly because of how hard it was to do lighting. I'll show one of my initial art style tests on the bottom of this post. Again, used to have it be an individual post but it was just one face so it was kinda boring, so might as well include with this one on the subject of art styles. I wanted to kinda mix some aspects of my older style with the sketchy shading lines with a more painterly way of doing the lighting (mainly in the shadows). All in all, I think that's my favourite part about this drawing, it feels nice to finally be able to do some proper lighting again, and I want to experiment even more with my lighting and rendering in future pieces. Also, part of the pant shading got kinda lost in the sketchiness, so for next time I'll probably focus on the clarity of the more sketchy parts of the drawing, since I did go with my initial sketch for the final drawing. I also gave up on the background since I had no idea what to do for it, and I didn't put too much detail into the staff as I forgot which one I gave him in my current playthrough and I didn't want to risk spoiling myself via looking up references, but that's ok I like how the singular yellow circle on it matches Vivi's eyes. Also I was having a bit of trouble figuring out how to draw his body and how to pose him, but I like how the pose turned out a lot. It was inspired by his idle animation when in a battle in game where he does a little shimmy.

Ok I need to talk about Vivi's design because I love it so fucking much oh my god-

I absolutely love how his face is just in complete shadow and only his eyes stand out, it's so cool and unique and I love how they recontextualized the original black mage design from the classic Final Fantasy games. How they did it I won't say because I don't wanna spoil the game, but someone give this poor baby a therapist because he goes through a lot. Actually, same can be said for all of the FFIX cast, they all need therapy (again, I won't spoil anything, please go play the game for yourself).

While I do love almost all the characters in the game, even though Vivi is most fun to draw, my favourite character has to be Zidane (the main protagonist of the game). He's a really fun protagonist, and they could have easily written him as a misogynistic jerk who doesn't respect women but they didn't, and I really appreciate that. He's just an overall cool dude who's a really nice older brother figure to Vivi and also just has a cool character design (who I also want to draw eventually). Initially in the game I was planning on grinding levels for Vivi to make him the tactical nuke of the party, but then that title went to a different character (who was initially multiple levels behind the group since I grinded the party in the starting area way to much before they joined, but now they are two levels ahead of everyone and have pulled the team through a lot of tough battles, again I won't say who it is because it is kind of a spoiler and the way the gameplay actually ties into their character arc is just so good omfg). Once I eventually finish the game I'll probably write a full review on here, so no spoilers until then lol

Also, I've kinda been burning out a bit with making Touhou art, which also made me a bit burnt out with Touhou stuff in general (although I will continue keeping up with the manga) so getting into other things (i.e. Final Fantasy and even Fallout since I've watched the first season of the TV show which is a whole other post for another day) has helped me refresh and given me something new to think about. I've ended up in the exact place I feared ending up, where I would start drawing fanart for it not because I wanted to but because I felt like I had to, so I'm taking a bit of a break. When I do draw Touhou fanart again I'll try to draw for the sake of myself, and to all the other artists and fanartists on this platform (and on any social media for that matter), take care of yourself and don't forget to take breaks when you need to!

(Ok part of that last paragraph was definitley influenced by the good ol' "it's 9:00pm and I need sleeb, but the message at the end still holds up, always take care of yourself)

Oh yeah, and here is that one style experiment I did btw

Man I really fell down the "Yoshitaka Amano art enjoyer" to "Final Fantasy fan" pipe line didn't I?

[crguang]

I feel like there’s a lot of sacrificing for a joke in hsr, which is definitely annoying especially when it just…doesn’t make sense, tonally and just logically. And I really do wish we found out more abt the TB, and I would’ve like even like a tidbit from firefly since we talk to her sm, we even play as her at the end. Or maybe get an offhand mention abt how she’s not supposed to tell us bc of the script or smth . I def agree w you, I cannot take the ipc seriously, bc there’s all this stuff abt how they’re doing stuff for their own benefit and profit but idk the stuff w the stellaron hunters and them is just so goofy, like it doesn’t make any sense.

ok so, I was looking thru ur blog and I realized I sent a message abt two-ish weeks ago, tumblr probably ate it smh. I was just saying how it was silly that Kafka’s wanted poster literally says she likes coats on it, and her bounty, like that’s it. Shes so sjsjshbsbddbbewv. And I also came up with another fic idea, like Kafka in an idol/band AU, but also I think her being an actor w the other stellaron hunters would be funny. But yk if I ever get around to writing anything instead of Kafka just living in my brain, who would she be in a band with, I was think abt using some of the characters from the animated before the show starts thing, but the instruments just don’t go together. Also I think I need to work on writing Kafka in general, bc she’s so complicated and it’s fun but I also overthink things too much.

And the leaks were unfortunately right abt 4 characters on one side. I’m not as devastated as you ofc, but hopefully I win my 50/50. Hjskalskskskndn I will cry if I loose.

also, no need to apologize for ranting, your rants always make more sense than mine, and I really enjoy your thoughts. -🌠

i agree with you 100%!!! missed opportunity with firefly and the tb reconnecting it could have been so nice. and omg i think i read that ask, it sounds familiar but i have so many (most are really old reqs, the recent ones are the event reqs i keep to answer eventually) and sometimes things get lost or i’ll click on the notification, answer in my head, then go do something else and forget to actually post my reply, im sorry😭😭 but YES i was thinking of kafka’s description in the game and while i know its the objective writing of the game and not the ipc, i find it funny to believe that whoever was in charge of her wanted notice thought she was hot as fuck because “dashing” and “beauty” in the same sentence is crazy work. her bounty is even funnier bc im wondering how they found out that she loved coats like😭 did she steal a bunch (she did), are they rlly monitoring her credit card and seeing all the purchases of expensive coats, is she always found in a store— what is it?!

actor au stellaron hunters would be really fun… you could also just put then in a band together for the idol/band au because i do think they’re the people who understand her best. the thought of kafka and jingliu practicing together is so funny because jingliu would hate that woman like GDJFBFNG her arrogance would have liu clenching that instrument so tight

i dont think you should worry about overthinking when it comes to writing, it can be a weakness because then you focus too much on details and forget the big picture, but personally i also think j too much into things when i write characters like kafka especially. when every genuine emotion is in the twitch of a finger, there’s kinda no choice lol

“im not as devastated as you” is killing me but its true… im the biggest victim of this banner system bc if i dont get my swanie i’ll @)&$(&)@)£<£#%. i hope u win the 50/50, unless i lose mine in which case i hope everyone else also loses <3

[subway-boss-jericho]

SORRY ABOUT STEADY TRACKS if u want I can… send an ask in about it… if it would help… maybe… 

Going on the coupled (Uncoupled) post- struggling to communicate turning into an Issue that makes it Harder to communicate but then the characters realizing they Really Have To Communicate and Doing so even tho it’s hard is. So good. It’s especially interesting here with emmet kinda dealing with trying to figure out how to reverse the fusion Without any real input from ingo. 

(I do freaking feel you Emmet. Forgetting that people have you Explicit Permission and Freaking out despite being aware they knew the risks. Man. It’s rough.) 

Love seeing stories about their relationship. How much do you love your brother? How well do you know him? Just how far would you go? … could you forgive yourself? Could he..?

Mmmmm tasty. Especially since the answer is often “yes” jejdjdnenidjx

It’s also nice to see a story where initially trying something that seems like a good solution didn’t work! And possibly made the situation worse! (Or perhaps is exactly what they needed to get talking with one another) 

No one is perfect! It’s so fun to see what these two characters who love each other would do. 

On that- I. Feel you incredibly hard about the romantic aspects of “love”. It’s… very sad to see how little people feel friends can do with one another without it being “romantic” in nature. Even more so for siblings. I’ve also written fics where I read it back and I’m like “will people misinterpret this? Will they think that this is wrong?” And it sucks. It really does. (I usually put a “this is Not romantic in nature” and have to trust that people won’t assume things.

“I can't really control what other people will think, say, or do. I just hope they don't get me involved”

as you said, about sums it up.) 

(ok now. Gimme a sec to whip up something for two left hands jejdjsjdnbxns)

Don't worry about it! Firstly, you can do whatever you want forever <3 Secondly, it is never anyone else's fault if my brain switches tracks. I mentioned Coupled (Uncoupled) offhand on a totally unrelated ask and then hyperfixated on them for the rest of the week sdjhgsdg That's just how my brain does stuff sometimes, which is the real reason why working on big long-term projects (in this case, Steady Tracks) take a while. Thirdly, this is the most anyone who doesn't know me personally has ever interacted with any of my not-steady tracks AUs, so please know that I would go through the trenches on your behalf

I got mentally ill again + was busy the next day so I blame my delay in answering this ask on getting so excited that I genuinely didn't know how to respond right away ksjdhgsdgh

So hard to write good conflict! So funny when I look back on how I write conflict and it ends up being inextricably tied to my life experiences 🤣 (wheeze) Art can tell you a lot about the artist?? really? that's crazy who would have guessed /j /s The struggle with him trying to reverse fusion is the first "major arc" that I mentioned on one of the other posts. It's one of the shortest ones, thankfully, yet also has an extremely dense angst content sjkdgsdg Unfortunately it's easy to spiral when you believe everything going wrong is your fault. it's a bit hard for me to talk about much more without starting to spoil the story and I'm trying so hard not to 😂 The love was always there! It always has been and always will be! But Emmet needs to stop feeling guilty so he can accept that love and move on, and Ingo is going to keep doing his best to try and communicate + show support in the meantime.

The splicers initially making things worse is definitely one of the funnest parts of the AU for me :] it was supposed to help Emmet feel more secure, and yet instead it made everything way more complicated + made him feel way less secure... I can't pretend to be normal, I'm very fucked up about them

🤝I won't drag out the romantic/platonic discussion because I know it makes people uncomfortable to discuss- more than fair, it makes ME uncomfortable to discuss -but hell yeah solidarity. It's at least nice to be able to voice my stance on it, since I feel like it's hard to even bring up in the fandom. I love a civil discussion about hard topics :D love setting boundaries. Peace and love

Thank you as always for the asks!! 🌠✨

Coupled (Uncoupled)Masterpost

[triplefrustration]

i've got like. five different books i'm in the middle of reading right now LOL they all scratch different itches. im going to try to read 52 books this year which seems like a lot but half of what i read are graphic novels so it's not that bad, im already ahead of schedule. maybe i'll post little blurbs on my thoughts as i finish each (would probably be a good brain exercise). "shelving" anything i don't plan on finishing any time soon.

At 30 I Realized I Had No Gender - a memoir by a 50 y/o intersex person living in japan. it's been interesting to see cultural similarities and differences, as well as a perspective from an older trans person, and is usually what i pick up when i want something lighter. it's fun to read just hasn't sunk its claws into my brain like some other books (including books i've read recently that i hated)

Akira Vol 1 - reading through the entire series this year. hasnt grabbed me quite the same way the movie did, i think because what got me obsessed (and i mean a literal obsession) with the movie was a lot of the mood set by music and artistic choices. sup early on, but again my hang up here is just that it hasnt hooked me emotionally so far

The Dispossessed - ok SORRY. im having trouble with this one. i havent read a lot of le guin, my main engagement with her work is omelas. still very early into this one, but the writing style feels very detached and reserved compared to omelas. i assume of course the voices for each piece were developed specifically for the needs of each, which are VERY different but idk. i hope it picks up, if it doesn't i'll try earthsea and if i don't like that le guin just may not be for me:/

goodnight punpun vol 1 - grabbed this on a whim at a local bookstore today, has been on my list for a LONG time. it's great so far as expected. i generally know that the story gets really dark, and seeing the tone i understand why people get so distinctly unsettled by it. excited to keep reading:) since this one has my attention the most right now it's my book of the week

capitalist realism is there no alternative - i have like one chapter of this left LOL. im awful about reading theory but im just trying to remember how to use me noggin right so i'll worry about nonfiction later. might finish this as a commute audiobook. would shelve this but since i have so little of it left i might as well try and finish it soon

house of leaves - i was so excited to read this last year when i decided to start reading again i picked it up immediately. unfortunately i am still regrowing the brain cells necessary to follow this competently for the time being. SHELVED!

[bacchicly]

Email/text to my boss I am posting here instead of editing ad nosium and agonizing whether to send it not send. Keeping it in my drafts is not a strong enough "tonic" / interrupter of the behavior I am trying to stop/explain.

Note: I just realised half way through that I am literally writing the sfd (shitty first draft) that Brené Brown talks about and it is working. I am not sure if I am chuffed or irritated.

Hi, My daighter was sick yesterday (she is back at school today). I then allowed myself to fall into the "I will log in and do the last few things I promised to do just before I logged off on Monday - as soon as I have just done xyz " trap. Which is, of course, a shame trigger itself, which then makes it harder to stop the cycle of behavior I am trying to reduce in myself (not following through on promises, not informing proactively as soon as I realise I am not doing what I said I would do, not setting clear boundaries between home and work) - all of which I am clearly not doing as successfully as I would like to be is another shame trigger in itself.

I also am super frustrated with myself because my usual strategies aren't working (or I am not practicing them correctly) to interrupt the cycle and I am just getting more and more anxious - which is in itself perpetuating the cycle.

And the pure question of should I "hide my challenges" or "proactively disclose the situation" is creating even more "noise" in my brain. I am also starting to play the mental game of "if they really needed me they would reach out" and it's sinister shittier cousin "if they cared about me and trusted me they would have reached out to ask if I was ok when I ghosted them". And then I "have to" take time to argue with those stories I am making up since I am aware they are stories but also that I am trying to be true to myself and try to trust my impulses... which is time consuming and awful too.

It's feels like the behavioural equivalent of feeling like I need to smash into the boards to stop because I haven't learned to stop properly on skates.

Anyways - in an attempt.to both be kind to myself and clear with you. I need to:

Check if cats need crunchies and laundry.

Eat

Then at 2pm exactly I will log on and do 3 things:

Review my email and teams (this is the first source of my anxiety/procrastination loop) because I am afraid that I will be "in trouble" or that there will be a surprise that I will not be able to handle. (I still don't trust others to speak up for themselves or go the extra mile - whether going the extra mile is actually required is moot - I still feel that it is...but I don't feel that it is required enough to be justified in asking other people to go as far as I would)

Send the email (staffing related).

Follow up on session 2. (Shame trigger because this shoulda been done mid last week and it is time sensitive.)

Many thanks. Yours to Niagara falls,

Bacchic

Shut up brain. Shut up brain. Eat. Do the thing. Stop thinking about how you hate taking time off and suck at it and should could be better. You are working on this and yes you suck at it but you will get better. You are here now. Now feed your body and set your timer and GOGOGOGO. Turn on your audiobook tooooioo! Focus. Be kind to yourself. But go!

[real-life-senshi]

hellow, i hope so far you´re doing ok since i saw you were struggling a bit with your health. though i'm quite new to your content i finally got the time to check some of your writings, i'd say i ended pretty hooked on them ahsfgsdjhs, tbh i'm not much of a fic reader of anything at all, specially since i don't think i have seen anything sailor moon related since my teens lmao. But i still wanted to let you know that i'm glad i have found it, as i tried to recall some about the pgsm plot (there's a chance i must have ended rewatching it ahsjhdsj and my gosh there were so many subtle things i missed 'cause i watched it when i was quite young haha) there were some other things that came to my mind that i wish were explored on the series, curiously most of it i found it on your fics 🤣 (i really like the way you expanded the pgsm characters through your stories) there were even some parts when i could 100% visualize them, may i have randomly doodle some stuff, who knows(?, oh! and your drawings as well, i saw this one about the Final Act *chef kiss*👌

There are other things i'd like to comment but i don't want to spoil anything as in Ao3 there are only 6 of the rest unlike the other fic site; i'm a big fan of the V manga (it's probably the one i sometimes read to remind myself why Minako is one of my fave characters ever! though my 11 year old self would disagree cause was obssesed with Manga/tokusatsu Mars😂 ) and also the continuity of the past life lore, whether if at some point in a near future as long as you're doing ok, please take care, for real. I'm looking forward to stay tuned if there's anything new from you 🙌

omg omg omg omg!!!!

You are the sweetest! 🥹Thank you for dropping by and leaving this lovely message in my inbox. Your keyboard smashing makes me go askdfhdsafdk as well! It's the highest praise one can give me. LOL😂

And jfc your amazing EoT based art? And there's potentially more doodles???? I can't believe that's happening to one of my stories. It's just not something I thought would ever be possible I don't even know what else to say except for repeating 'thank you' x10000 time.

Your message definitely encouraged me to finish chapter 7 instead of stalling some more. Made my week knowing one more person enjoys my attempt at writing a sequel. <3 My plan for the story is so ambitious sometimes I wonder if I'll be able to finish it. I even have plans to write a past life prequel and hope to do a bridging Black Moon story before introducing a Mugan arc sequel to EoT... That's 3 more stories total... and right now writing at a snail's pace, I don't know if that's ever possible... :'(

I'm finally on the road to recovery so it's getting easier for me to sit in front of my laptop for hours on end again. I've been mostly using video games to distract myself from the discomfort coz I can easily change positions while holding the console with no problem. With a laptop... there's a limitation with the keyboard for writing and the mouse for drawing. (LMAO I still use a mouse to draw. Never learnt to properly use a drawing tablet, even though I bought one long ago it just gathering dust now...)

Yeah... I think I peaked with the final act illustration when it comes to fanart. lol Knowing I did manage to make something with a quality that even surprised me, I've been overthinking and overcomplicating all the new ideas I want to do and then my brain and hand freeze and things are left as wip. 🙈

I'm really glad you enjoy my blog content. I practically owe my life to PGSM, I Iove the series with my whole being, cheesiness and faults and all. So it makes me really happy when my blog can help introduce or reignite interest in the series for other people! <3

I hope you don't mind me posting this reply instead of responding privately. I want to keep your message archived on my blog coz I love it so much. <3

[saintmeghanmarkle]

SMOKE AND MIRRORS. by u/deedee50

SMOKE AND MIRRORS. anyone thirsty, want some juice? . the #ESPYSawards #PatTillmanAward are just distraction, he needs to get out from under thethrowing stuff out he needed for a visit to court, whilst enjoyable to take the pee, thats more going on than meets the eye & poor #PatTillman was said distraction, i've been sitting on this for a while, some of you know me f& previous things shared have been 100% but i was dealing with personal stuff... .. so lets start....love kendrick If I didn't ride blade on curb, would you still (love me)?If I minimized my net worth, would you still (love me)? Keep it a hundred, I'd rather you trust me than to (love me)Keep it a whole one hund', don't got you I got nothin', ayythe plan has always been to get her husband out from under with his IPP status it's not just security, altho they'd love us to believe that. He can't be committed of a crime with it. BIG MONEY love that, but the wife is the brains despite her managing to fool most, by deliberately making sure all plans fail, spotify/netflix, why do you think she kept away from #spare? acts pathetic, clinging to him, i've played along but really this is what it's about.she was busy making sure she knows how to use her washing machine, cos if you like idk, drop some money on the floor, you need to clean it right? and who handier than a british prince with IPP satus to help? but if i were picking up after someone i'd like to get paid for my work, like you know with um idk a 120m waterfront property, couple private jets, yachts. but when you don't like 1 job, like going on tv, writing books, opening comMunity centres, you might buy a polo club, few horses keep yourself busy whilst the wifes doing the washing up. hi Nacho!And as a treat you can do anything and everything without needing your fathers money or your brothers grace of a return to arms, it's all been smoke & mirrors. (unlike your brother & his wife who are trapped, altho they feel fine, tyvm cos you're never going to prison, wow wouldn't that be nice ;)just got to wait a little longer because your familys just popped out to see the security services about putting the hoover round. they'll be in touch. in the meantime, while waiting, lets piss all over a decent mans legacy, just so your ego doesn't get bruised, ok got your award hunn, you sit there, good boy.ps, getty meeting, not for the willy. the land price question, she's really not as crass, perhaps shes a better actress than we've known... but one must always be above scrutinty, poor ol' me, wouldnt have a clue, and a prince - i mean as if.. psst andrew/fergie altho they prefer the far east, shes a cali type girl.PPS why now, takes ages to get to court, i'll be long gone lol., i've missed posting as much last few weeks but personal stuff you know , but life goes on. ty for reading. post link: https://ift.tt/sBc95GL author: deedee50 submitted: July 13, 2024 at 03:43PM via SaintMeghanMarkle on Reddit disclaimer: all views + opinions expressed by the author of this post, as well as any comments and reblogs, are solely the author's own; they do not necessarily reflect the views of the administrator of this Tumblr blog. For entertainment only.

[candycryptids]

List 5 things that make you happy, then put this in the askbox for the last 10 people who reblogged something from you! get to know your mutuals and followers ╰(´︶`)╯♡

;0;! Oh jeez ok ☀️ 😌

Frogs- this one might be kinda obvious I guess based on my blog title and all but I really like frogs and toads and tadpoles I think they’re really fascinating little critters and every time I learn something new about frogs it makes me feel all sparkly. Like they swallow when they blink- because their eyes go down into the body and it squishes food down their throat. Isn’t that WILD? Nature is so cool. (-unfortunately there’s one Toad I can’t stand because the way she carries her babies makes me freak out. Sorry Suriname Toad! If trypophobia is a problem for you don’t look her up 🥰)

Scented Plushies- I love… being able to smush my face into a soft plush animal and smell a pleasant smell. (I like sweet/fruity/pastry kinda smells) It’s like… IDK I have a bunch of them in my bed with me so I can pick one to cozy up with and it helps me sleep? (I have to sleep with a plush animal anyways, the way I sleep I’ll fuck up my shoulders if I don’t have Little Guy Support lol.) but also uh. Yeah Build A Bear has insertable smells and they last for like ever and they’re really pleasant ;; my favorite I think is their seasonal Pumpkin Spice, but I also really loved their other seasonal, Sunken Treasure, it was like, mango-y …

Pork Katsu- whenever we make it at home it’s kind of a special occasion cos it takes some doin, tryin stuff yk, but it’s always SO GOOD… we never have enough leftovers for Katsudon the next day lmfao. Oh there’s also a little restaurant inside the Hmart we go to, they do Katsu Sandwiches? And they come with a Fruit Sando too (it’s filled with seasonal fresh fruit and whip cream and it’s SO PRETTY and tastes SOOOO good.) gotta be one of my top tens of food (both kinda of sandwich LOL, but also just Pork Katsu. I group them together mentally as one thing in my brain 🤔)

Dark Chocolate Terry’s Orange - already drooling thinkin about that Winter only treat auuuuu…. It’s just so good, and it’s easy to snack off of for like, weeks. Cos you slap it on the table a bunch and it has a bunch of fake orange wedges made of dark chocolate to Nomf on. If you like chocolate and Orange you should try one once, I think they’re pretty great! I think some off-brands also makes like, ones with fillings like mint and raspberry? They’re pretty decent too from what I remember… (oops.. double food Happies. Well.! Food makes me happy!!!)

Leaving my Rambling Gushing Tags on peoples art also makes me really happy tbh it’s just not something I can condense into one-two words for the bold and color format I started - lol. But I for real get so excited seeing the stuff people create (I count gpose as art actually, it’s a creative outlet!!! Art!!) and I don’t have a LOT of art technical terms- it’s been a while since high school so I don’t even fully remember the terms they taught me back then- but I’m still like. Idk I see a cool shot, or a piece of art, and my heart becomes like, thunderstorm on the ocean, crash boom!!!!! So I write a bunch of tags pointing out what I like and what I think (with restraint, sometimes, I try not to thirst tag too heavily since I don’t want to make people uncomfortable and like. Block me LMFAO then I wouldn’t get to see their cool characters/art anymore yk) and I just. I hope it makes them happy too? But thinking that it might/does make them happy to get ramble excited tags (cos I do Lmfao) makes me really happy too? Idk. I just wanna put out good energy on people’s stuff. Encourage them to keep pursuing their hobbies? They cared enough to post it so others could see it which meant they wanted to show others, rather than not posting it all and keeping it to themselves, and, idk. This got really long LOL. I just have a lot of feelings about this i guess. Ty for sending this ask btw it’s been fun to answer ;w;