#I have asd but am just saying neurodivergent because there is a lot of overlap in the struggles of neurodivergent people

[grimeysociety]

When my depression works the graveyard shift, all of the people I've ghosted stand there in the room

I feel like I owe an explanation.

I spent most of this year in and out of fandom because I no longer get the joy from it I once did. I used to say "burnout", not knowing it was different for me.

I suspected since late last year that I was autistic. I worked with a girl whose ADHD echoed a lot of my own behaviours. There's a lot of overlap there, but she didn't see herself in some of my traits. I put that aside, thinking, "Nah, I'm not neurodivergent. How could I be?". This was before I learned enough about the female phenotype. It wasn't until my birthday that I had a meltdown after a positive social gathering that I was afraid of my "true" diagnosis.

Turns out it doesn't matter if I have a good time or a bad time. Everything and everyone can become too much. After turning 30, I stewed and sulked about being autistic. The world wasn't made for me, this isn't something I will ever grow out of. I went into to hospital but only got a couple Valium out of it. It was on me to seek out an evaluation, because I'm an adult and those types of services are so few and far between.

I spent months not wanting to name it but knew it wasn't going away. I kept having meltdowns. I kept isolating myself at work because of my off-putting behaviours and attempts to fit in. I was bullied, and when I got pregnant, my differences were even more obvious. I just don't behave normally, period.

I got assessed after waiting three months, after telling my parents and sister my intent to seek a diagnosis. I was about 80% certain it was autism. Either that or I really was just this bad at being a human and I wasn't trying hard enough to get by. This cost $1300 by the way, since I went to private route. My parents said they'd cover this, though my mother still hasn't sent me the money she promised. I was relieved they were supporting me through this at all, since their emotional immaturity made it difficult to share my concerns in the first place.

The report came back that I have ASD. I told my parents, and they've made it about them. Despite me telling them why it shouldn't be a surprise. My dad had said nice things to me about it, only to harass my sister about what she thought on the phone days later. In the same breath, he blamed my mother (Yes! The refrigerator mom theory!) and said he couldn't understand why I didn't just "move on" from things.

So where am I now? Not writing. I can't believe I used to do that so regularly. I only manage a couple things a day. I haven't been enjoying my pregnancy as a result of all this bullshit. I've stopped interacting with anyone online out of chronic shame or shyness. Christmas has come so quickly that I swear it was April last week and I'm not feeling any type of way about it. I think people will be lucky if I manage not to have a meltdown on the 25th.

Executive dysfunction is real. I'll blame that for not writing a word in two months. That and the fact that I've had to learn that I'm disabled the hard way and my entire life has been a fucking lie.

If you've waited for me to reach out, I'm sorry. If you've worried, I'm sorry. I don't know how to be a friend anymore. I hope I can slowly piece myself back together in the New Year.

It's not you, it's me.

[jankwritten]

a lot of what you said overlaps with several common issues, including adhd. being that adhd is also heritable, consider that as well. however, do try to get a diagnosis. I stress this because, while self diagnosis is understandable especially given the price and coverage in my circumstances, the exponential increase in self-diagnosis has skewed the perception of asd for many, including practitioners. again, this is not to slight anyone, but i know firsthand of this growing issue. it is already bad enough that the dsm lumped aspergers with asd, because much nuance was been lost (this is seen in several contexts). blurring the lines even more has begun to seriously affect those now labeled asd "level 1". But if you can't, then I hope you find resources that help you whether or not they relate to ASD. If it helps you it helps you.

i'm not entirely sure what this is in reference to specifically, but I do already have appointments in place to get testing done, and it's also been heavily hinted to me by my therapist that i have a neurodivergency along the ADHD/ASD lines. Which isn't a shock to me - the reason I've sort of self diagnosed myself with ADHD and ASD is because it's VERY prevalent in both sides of my family, and as my family on either side learns more about their diagnoses, I realize how much of those same problems/characteristics I also have.

I don't think self diagnosis is particularly harmful, UNLESS people are using it to discredit actually diagnosed ASD/ADHD people. And I don't really call myself autistic or even ADHD, because I'm wary of it - I don't have confirmation, so I can't outright claim that I have either of those labels. I don't want to mislead anyone. I highly SUSPECT i have either one or the other or both, but I don't claim to know it for sure.

I again stress - I dont think self diagnosis is harmful unless self diagnosed people are talking over people who have a professional-certified diagnosis. I think that people who have done copious amounts of research (and I mean years worth, more than just a couple quizzes some tik tok videos and reading web MD articles yknow) and put lots and lots of thought into their own mind and body and have come to the conclusion that they are likely neurodivergent in a certain way should be allowed to say they believe they have such a thing. However, I don't agree with people who self diagnose and then confidently claim they HAVE the thing without getting it actually diagnosed. You can do that if you want to, of course, I'm not saying not to, but I do think that's misleading and can potentially be harmful.

(Also - I have next to no right to talk about any of this, since I'm not diagnosed nor am I a doctor. My opinion on this is as a person who strongly suspects they have certain disorders but those suspicions are so far not diagnosed by a professional. For all I know, my anxiety could just be so fucking bad it causes all of the other symptoms, maybe even the rejection sensitive dysphoria. Who knows. Not me.)

[avalina-music]

🌻Neurodivergent Music Artist Here!!!🌻

Hi everyone! I'm Avalina. An alt pop music artist based in London. I release a new song every first day of the month and here's the song for this month (September). It's my favourite so far, really hits close to home with impact and makes the hairs rise on your arms with the good chills. It has that grand orchestral vibe inspired by film soundtracks and artists like Florence and the Machine, Hozier, Lana del Rey and Enya.

This song is very special to me because it's about the struggles of being a neurodivergent person in a world that really wasn't made for you. Having to mask, feeling confused and overstimulated, never knowing how you come across to others and always being scared you might have said 'the wrong thing'.

While at the same time being a logician and strategist, and excelling at things neurotypical people often find difficult. It's a complex and multilayered experience, with many different expressions. Want to get to know me better? follow the links bellow (I'm most active on tiktok) My socials @avalina0_o on tiktok @avalina.music on insta patreon.com/avalinamusic

Hope you enjoy, please follow me and go listen to it on your preferred streaming platform. Thanks for supporting a neurodivergent artist<3 Here are the lyrics

Splendour (by Avalina)

When you were born the world was such a kind and loving place you'd never need to know you face from every single angle

What will it be? you have to calculate the mask you need feeling the fear of every little thing out of my control

How does it seem so simple yet it's so hard for me You just want love and splendour beauty and youth forever braced in these rules together yet you are unaware

When your bright eyes perceive me I'll never know the meaning you see in my whole being splendour is all I hope

Over and over scripts are played out over and over eyes are holdouts

It is a dance but no one ever taught me all the steps give me chance you speak in code and I act like I know it

Hearing what people would say even when you're alone

Chorus repeat

Over and over your heart beats over and over be discreet

Speak with your voice even if it wavers slightly you have the right to be who you are in peace

Chorus repeat x2

[brightlotusmoon]

Guys guys guys

I want to share a thread from one of my ADHD Support groups on Facebook. Date of post February 27 2020.

Here's the initial question:

"ADHD has very similar traits to autism ((from what I have gathered at least)) and in support/representation are always grouped together.

Do you think ADHD should be clasified as on the autism spectrum? Why or why not?

What positive or negative effects ((May it be treatment, understanding, research, or a social aspect)) do you think it would have if it was?"

And here's some of the comments:

1. "In lots of conversations I have had, this topic has come up, and the conclusion we usually reach is that eventually, both ADHD & ASD will be reclassified into something like “Executive Function disorders” and the spectrum will just be broader, rounder, and more inclusive of all the beautiful facets of our Neurodivergent brains" 🧠 #NeurodiverseSquad

2. "I am diagnosed with both. In fact I received my ASD Level 1 (aka "condition formerly known as Asperger's") diagnosis just 4 weeks ago.

Here's the thing: they are in no way mutually exclusive. In fact this was the mistake I made when I had my initial assessment that diagnosed the ADHD - (wrongly) assumed that if I had one, I couldn't have the other. This is in fact not true, and recent research shows that between 1/3 and 2/3 of people with an ASD may meet criteria for ADHD as well. However, the reverse is not true - this is because (as current research shows) 6-7% of the population have ADHD, and only about 1.5% are on the autism spectrum. So somewhere between 0.5 and 1% of the total population (likely) have both. Most people with ADHD do not also meet criteria for ASD.

Basically, the way these two things are diagnosed are based on totally different criteria. ADHD is about, well, attention and more broadly executive (dis)function. It's a readily measurable, testable condition that boils down to certain specific pathways in the brain working much slower (and/or much faster) than the average population.

ASD is, well, different. The current diagnostic criteria all revolve around the following things.

1) Significant impairments in social communication

2) Patterns of pervasive repetitive behaviour (and thoughts)

3) Unusual sensory interests, and/or sensory hypo-/hyper-sensitivity well outside typical ranges

To be diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder, it's not enough to just "experience those things sometimes". There has to be a pervasive, life-interfering pattern of at least 2 of those three things, which cannot be explained by any other underlying cause or condition, AND can be demonstrated going back to that person's earliest childhood history, and preferably family history too.

Can those things describe a person with ADHD? Totally! Are they how we define ADHD? Nope!

The neurology of ADHD is pretty well understood today - scientists very good idea what ADHD "looks" like in the brain and how it functions. We don't know everything but we know a lot compared to, well, basically anything to do with the brain. It's one of the best studied neurological conditions, period.

The neurology of autism is, well...... much murkier. There are multiple theories. The current ASD diagnosis was a bit controversial when it was totally revamped in 2013, lumping things like Aspergers and PDD-NOS under a single standard. Not everybody was a fan of that, although at the time research in the field was pointing more in that direction - but right now the pendulum of scientific consensus seems to be swinging the other way, thanks to more extensive brain studies finally being done. It's still early days, but there is now the possibility that what we call autism/ASD today may turn out to be a group of several distinct neurological conditions, one of which may in fact be a close relative of ADHD, mechanically speaking. But a LOT more research needs to be done before we can say anything for sure. Early days.

In any case, the best takeaway from this looooooooong writeup is:

You can be both. You can be neither. If you are on the autism spectrum, there is a very good chance you might also fit the diagnosis for ADHD - but if you have ADHD... while you are statistically more likely to be autistic than the average person, it's still a much longer shot. Don't rush to conclusions, and talk to specialists. Neither of these conditions should be either a "badge of honour" or a "badge of shame" - cause it's not a badge, it's a complex part of how your brain works in real life. Between 1-2 out of every 3 people with autism MAY have ADHD - whereas only 1 out of somewhere between every 6 and every 14 people with ADHD is autistic.

It's not possible to rule out a neurological link between the two, but it's not going to be a link that defines either one of those conditions. It's more like the link between ADHD and depression - us ADHDers are far more susceptible to depression than the average person; but faaar from every depressed person has ADHD.

Truthfully - with autism spectrum, before anyone goes running off for diagnosis... speaking from personal experience, you gotta ask yourself what you are hoping to get out of it first. I'm glad I did, but in some ways it's a harder pill to swallow than ADHD - especially because there are no actual pills to swallow for treating it, nor therapies designed to help newly-diagnosed autistic adults. Young kids diagnosed with autism get a big boost from intense learning therapy, which helps them catch up on things like social skills and avoid a lot of the associated trauma - but there's not much out there for the adults, since you can't really get a do-over on your childhood and the damage (as in, trauma) is already done long ago. It's just a thing you find out about yourself, and while it can be empowering - it can also be a bit overwhelming and leave you with more questions than answers about yourself. That's about where I'm at with it, anyway!"

-

Now, having both, I'm inclined to agree with these. I myself have wondered here if ADHD could be ever put on the greater Mobius strip spectrum of Autism. But a comment someone here made, about the two being on the same Axis but not spectrum had me rethinking. A bunch of us activists with both are still waist deep in research, and I'm tossing these ideas out to chew on.

Basically, Tumblr is full of folks who look at an Autistic or ADHD post and say "wait, I relate to this but I only have one or the other!" And 80 percent shared comorbidities means a huge relation. They're cousins. I call ADHD Autism's excitable twin. It's exempt from allistic fuckery for me. I like to nickname it Cognitive Attentive Tempo Syndrome. (CATS!) My ADHD therapist likens it to being a polar bear in Florida, with meds being water wings. So there's enough overlap that the primary traits for one could be secondary traits for the other.

In conclusion: Yes, this relates to you. Enjoy your executive function dysfunction Neurodivergent Umbrella Axis Family Reunion.

[bennhetaliamod]

well too bad you’re going to hear about the comic since your silence is being taken as a yes. ALSO: TRIGGER WARNING, ...PRETTY MUCH EVERYTHING. JUST PROCEED WITH CAUTION, ALRIGHT?

It’s actually based on a human AU of a group of Steven Universe OCs, and also the human AU has like five AUs off of it already including monster AU, JJBA AU, BSD AU, and that AU where the character with crippling anxiety tries to take over the world.

The idea behind the comic is that a lawyer adopts seven of her clients . 

also it takes place in mildly-alternate-universe England (its mostly the same as normal earth just a little flexible for the purpose of one of the writers (me) being american and for plot convenience)

so far only one page has been fully completed

It’s not going to be a comic for everyone. It’s going to have a lot of controversial topics (TREATED SERIOUSLY, GENERALLY SPEAKING), a lot of possibly triggering things and a real dip into a dark side of humanity. Topics of this sort include child abuse, toxic/unhealthy/abusive relationships, sexual assault, racism, sexism, homophobia and other discrimination, self-harm, eating disorders and suicide, Dissociative Identity Disorder and more. NOTHING SEXUALLY EXPLICIT, of course, that would be disgusting, though there is and will be quite a bit of injury/blood/bruising/general physical injury and self-harm scars. THIS IS AN IMPORTANT WARNING, as I understand some things can be very triggering to people, and that it is in no way their fault, this is why I mention this now, so nobody on the less respectable side of things tries to find a reason to demean me and or whine about it. I am not saying that people cannot express honest problems they may see with it in a respectful, open, conversational manner. That’s the way to express any issues. This is just my worry about people with nonconstructive criticism and the like.

Though, having said that, there is also a lot of positive diversity in this!!!  For example, racially diverse. In the main cast of eight, there are three Asians (Two Filipinos, Two Koreans (One is Korean-Filipino I SWEAR I can count)), one Black British, one Latina (Mexican). the rest of them (3) are white. there are no boys BUT I PROMISE THERE ARE BOYS SOMETIMES but a lot of them are bad. there is one boy specifically (white boy) who is the best boy and i hope everyone agrees that he is best boy. Also, almost all of the main cast where applicable are lesbians (Those who are applicable are 6/8, and 4/6 of those 6 are lesbians. there is one pansexual and one ‘bi’romantic. There’s also a demi-homoromantic but that still means lesbian so). in the neighbourhood there are two more Asians (sometimes only one; Chinese) and actually there’s another (Russian) engaged to an Italian. We also said trans rights! Though there’s only one main trans character but she is a QUEEN!!!! There are also two nonbinaries overall and one genderqueer. There are three side characters in a polyamourous relationship!  Also height diversity!!! there are three characters over 6′ tall (6′1″, 6′3″ and 6′5″) and our shortest character (or at least the one who is legally a dwarf) is under 4′ and a teen. in the main cast of eight, there’s a 3′7″ (the shortest of all the characters at least with her age in mind, age 13), 3′10″ (age 11), 3′11″ (age 12), 4′4″ (age 14), 5′3″ (age 13), 5′8″ (age 32), 6′1″ (age 16), 6′3″ (age 17). The tallest character is 6′5″ (age 19-20)  Mental health diversity!!! In the main cast of eight there are three neurodivergent characters (Two ADHD two ASD (IT’S ANOTHER OVERLAP I PROMISE I CAN COUNT)), one character with DID (and stunted mental development), four of them have PSTD, three of them have anxiety and depression, one has bulimia and anorexia to go along with her horrible sometimes suicidal depression (please help her), we’ve also got a kleptomaniac with magpie syndrome BUT ALSO not all bad things (not that ADHD and ASD are necessarily bad (i mean they SUCK to have but)) there’s also one character with Synaesthesia (Chromesthesia) Outside of the main cast is conditions such as: Gender Dysphoria, Nonverbalism related to ASD, Good Kid Syndrome (it’s less of a real condition, and more of a psychological concept, but still), Schizophreniform Disorder, and a few characters with speech impediments.

PHYSICAL HEALTH DIVERSITY!!!!!!!!!! In the main cast there is: One dwarf. Three people with poor eyesight (one with albinism), one person deaf in one ear (wears a hearing aid). One person with something known as Myostatin Related Muscular Hypertrophy (she’s buff, genetically). Outside of the main cast, there’s also conditions like: blind. There’s a character with osteoarthritis who is young adult but has to use a stupid cane, one character with a prosthetic leg, and also even a character with vitiligo!!

There are also bad things!!! like alcoholism (that the character refuses to do anything about, which is why its bad), and we have literally a psychopath (Probably more than one but only one is a ‘main character’ (bad guy)--the others are mostly backstory characters) and paedophilia (which is... disgusting)

The first two characters introduced are Penny and Starlight, the first adopted client and the lawyer!

AND DO YOU LIKE SCOTTISH ACCENTS? DO YOU LIKE SCOTTISH TWITTER? I SURE HOPE YOU DO PAL BECAUSE I LOVE WRITING OUT THIS CHARACTER’S SCOTTISH ACCENT

[myfandomrambles]

ADHD & Autistic Doctor

(Doctor Character Study part 2d)

An Analysis of the doctor through the view of him having ASD & ADHD part 4. I want to thank @browneyesandpinstripes Parenthesis denotes the source of a material. Brackets are an aside comment.

7th Doctor:

Knows all the info about his special interest and shares for no reason (TV: Battlefield)

Viewed as odd by other people Earl Sigma says, ‎"You're a nice guy, Doctor, but a little weird." (TV: The Happiness Patrol)

Doesn’t always understand and sometimes flat out ignores social conventions (TV: Delta and The Bannermen)

‎Stims with the handle of his umbrella tactile and oral (TV: Battlefield, TV: Delta and The Bannermen )‎ Stimming with spoons (TV: Time and The Rani, TV: Happiness Patrol), Stime with his hat (TV: Delta and the Bannermen)

‎Rambles and jumps topics (TV: Time and The Rani)

‎Doesn't understand idioms (TV: Time and The Rani, TV: Silver Nemesis, TV: Delta and The Bannermen)

Impulsive touches the fluffy monster and later jumps over an edge of a wall with no plan. (TV: Dragon Fire)

Admits he can be impulsive, saying he went too far when talking to the Bannermen (TV: Delta and The Bannermen)

He Misses the point and has trouble changing topics. An example is he continues discussing philosophy when the discussion was literal (TV: Dragonfire)

So focussed on go-kart misses ace leaving (TV: The Happiness Patrol)

Has lots of trouble expressing emotions. An example is acting like he doesn’t care when Mel is leaving, needs prompts from Mel to work out the proper response. (TV: Dragon Fire)

Sets an Alarm and then forgets why he set the alarm for (TV: Silver Nemesis)

Is Distracted by a chess board so much he can’t follow his conversation with Ace (TV: Silver Nemesis)

Messy pockets (TV: The greatest show in the galaxy)

8th Doctor:

Basically, I have little access to a lot of his content but he is still so very neurodivergent even not counting his amnesia. Experiences a meltdown and has to be talked back down after he starts throwing things around (Audio: The Eleven) Losses his tards showing disorganization and not great memory (Audio: The Eleven ) Attempts to multitask while working to find the elven (Audio: The Eleven) Talks fast ( Audio: The Sontaran Ordeal) Has trouble translating his thoughts to other people, especially when excited. (Audio: The Sontaran Ordeal) Struggles to stay quiet and still (Audio: The Satanic Mill) Literal The eighth doctor says; “Of course it’s in use were using it” when asked if someone is using a room they are breaking into it. (Audio: The Red Lady) “The Doctor is Eccentric”-Live (Audio: The Red Lady) Misses sarcasm (Audio: The Red Lady, TV Movie: Doctor Who) The trouble with social norms (Audio: The Red Lady, TV Movie: Doctor Who) Frustration when missing the point. Trouble regulating tone and volume (Audio: The red Lady, TV Movie: Doctor Who) Hyperfocus to the point he misses liv leaving (Audio: The Red Lady) Keeps talking out loud with his thoughts “Yes, why am I telling you this” (Audio: The Red Lady)

9th Doctor:

Nine is a very traumatized doctor so a great deal of his ADHD & Autistic behaviours is augmented by his C-PTSD but they are still definitely there.

Like most of the doctors, he has a tendency to talk really fast about random things. Rose comments that he "He cuts himself shaving, he does half an hour on life forms he's cleverer than. " (TV: The Doctor Dances) Takes time to infodump about the history of the human things when in a dangerous situation (TV: World War Three) Rambles about the nano-genes under stress instead of simply explaining what happened. (TV: The Doctor Dances)

Hypermorality stimming from his trauma and autism. (TV: Boom Town) He has the chance to save the universe from the Daleks but can’t kill them because he says “Coward any day” (TV: The Parting of Ways)

Has a tendency to be distracted by different things.

He's impulsive sometimes he just disappears when something catches his attention. (TV: Aliens of London) This event has the added weight of it being the doctor's favourite thing, big moments in earth history. Can be impulsive in conversations as well. (TV: Father’s Day)

Odd "childish behaviour" common in the earliest doctors will still shine through, as his method for trying to connect in peaceful times. (Comic: The Four Doctors)

Is keenly aware of random things that others don't notice but can miss the actual point of what they were doing. For example, when he is trying to save Rose he saw Charles Dickens and then totally forgot what he was trying to do. (TV: The Unquiet Dead). Focused on Jamie and telling about it to notice that the tape ran out. (TV: The Doctor Dances)

Misses what the socially acceptable way of doing things is, but doesn't seem to bother him (TV: The Empty Child) Sometimes it occurs to him after the fact, like going back to ask rose her name after getting her out of the store (TV: Rose)

He like the other doctors can not stay still for the life of him. (TV: The Doctor Dances, TV: Rose) Runs and jumps around the TARDIS (TV: Aliens of London)

Misses the point of other people's emotional reactions. One example is he is trying to work out how to stop the autons and uses auton mickey's head. This upsets rose but the doctor misses as he knows it isn't really Micky (TV: Rose)  Another example is taking rose to see her planet burn without thinking through or understanding the emotional impact it will have, because to him its history and he knows the human are okay. (TV: The End of The World)

Explains how "he doesn't do families," (TV: Aliens of London, TV: World War Three) I think this is a combination of his C-PTSD making him not want to get close to people, and his inability to handle lots of people all at once.

Is very impatient with people he thinks should get it. often rolling his eyes, ignoring the people etc, (TV: The Long Game).

His TARDIS is disorganized especially compared to the other TARDISES We have Seen (TV: World War Three)

Goes into complete shutdown until he finally finds a way out (TV: Bad Wolf)

Experiences over stimulation. The voices of the Daleks are louder and overlap more when we hear them from his point of view (TV: The Parting of Ways)

[thequintessentialqueer]

I've suspected that I'm on the spectrum for a while but feel weird about self diagnosing and talking to my friends about it and was wondering if you would mind talking about your personal experience with self diagnosis? Also how debilitated must a person be to have this? And can the amount they are debilitated vary depending on what else they're coping with and still be valid?

I’m formally diagnosed as ADHD-I and suspected to be on the autism spectrum, but not officially diagnosed. I was diagnosed as ADHD after fifteen hours of testing. they also said they had considered autism spectrum disorder as a second diagnosis, as my childhood profile matched perfectly. the reason they ruled it out? well, ADHD and autism have a lot of overlap in symptoms and traits, so they wanted to treat my ADHD before diagnosing anything else. okay, fair. ADHD and autism are very frequently comorbid, but fine. I can accept that. but their other reason? “you write poetry and have an interest in activism. those are not typical for people with autism, as they require abstract thinking and empathy.” here’s my take: if the only reason I wasn’t diagnosed as autistic is because my special interests/hyperfixations aren’t fucking stereotypes (because contrary to popular belief, autistic people are human beings with varied interests and passions…….who knew???), I can confidently say that those reasons are terrible. if those are the only things that prevented the diagnosis for a disorder I otherwise match perfectly, well, then I AM autistic. their reasons were outdated, ignorant, and uninformed. I have many autistic friends who share my interests and my commitment to activism: they are valid, and so am I. and so are you. the thing about diagnosis is that regardless of whether you do it, or your family doctor does it, or a specialist does it, it all comes down to examining your history and experiences and matching them to a list of traits that are frequently shared by people with that label. there’s no magic to it. there’s no trick. it’s just asking “do you experience this?” “has this happened to you?” “do you think about this in this way?” and answering honestly. there are definitely benefits to formal diagnosis. being diagnosed as ADHD means I can access medication that helps me manage my symptoms and exist more comfortably and well within a world that wasn’t designed for me. but with autism, I was never looking for a treatment. I don’t want to be medicated or cured. I don’t want to be put through abusive therapy designed to make me act allistic. learning about autism on my own terms and finding community online helped me fill in the gaps in my life and work through the shame and discomfort and humiliation that I grew up with. it gave me affirmation, coping strategies, and people who I could relate to. for me, that was all I needed, and I didn’t need a doctor to diagnose me in order to access it. sometimes formal diagnosis is necessary to access the help you need, but if that’s not what you’re looking for, and you can’t or don’t want to go through the diagnostic process (where unfortunately you’re very likely to encounter a lot of ignorance and ableism), you don’t have to put yourself through that. you know yourself. you’ve done the research. you exist in an age where all of medical knowledge is a click away, and if all you want is a word for how your brain operates, and a community of people who get you, well, then welcome! you’re here! you’ve found it! and yes, circumstances will have an impact on how debilitating your symptoms can be. I know that with my ADHD, I have much worse symptoms when I’m sleep deprived, hungry, stressed, etc. it’s also understood that environmental factors have a huge impact (upbringing, family life, education, support systems, etc). I was raised by very disorganized, chaotic parents (one of whom is now diagnosed as ADHD as well, and the other who is considering seeking diagnosis): as such, my biggest struggles are with tidiness, planning, time management, etc. at the same time, my mum’s realization that I was very unusual, and her choice to home-educate me to spare me from bullying and being made to feel like a failure in an academic environment had a hugely positive impact on me. she nurtured my special interests, helped me follow my passions, didn’t force me to do things that made me miserable (even including eating foods that gave me sensory issues: to this day, she always makes sure to cook me something she knows I can eat without being distressed!), and affirmed my worth in every possible way. a lot of adhd and autistic (and otherwise neurodivergent) kids grow up with very low self-esteem because they’re made to feel inferior within a system that wasn’t built for them. I know with adhd in particular, the drop-out rates, alcohol and drug abuse rates, incarceration rates, etc are very high compared to non-adhd people. I credit my academic success in my late teens and adulthood to my mum; if I had been in school my whole life, I wouldn’t have believed in myself and the results could have been catastrophic. what is disabling in one situation can be an asset in another; yes, ADHD and ASD come with impairments and challenges. sometimes really fucking huge ones. but a lot of the things that we struggle with are socially constructed and enforced, not innate to us. we live in a society that demands that we work and/or go to school full time; that we hold a job in order to survive; that we focus on and do things that don’t interest us; that we be able to socialize based on very specific parameters; that we constrict our emotions in public and only express them in ways that are considered acceptable to neurotypicals. we live in a world that is not designed for our brains, and that world makes our impairments disabling/debilitating. anyway, massively long response just to say that self-diagnosis is valid. I would still recommend getting some kind of counselling or therapy if you’re able to, just because growing up autistic or otherwise neurodivergent comes with a lot of pain, and it can really help to work through it with someone whose job it is to listen. (just keep in mind that there are a LOT of awful therapists out there and you should never stay with one who you don’t feel you can trust or talk to. the first thing my old therapist told me when I met her was that if I didn’t feel like she was the right fit for me, I could make an appointment with someone else and she wouldn’t be hurt at all, because it’s about my wellbeing above all else). at the end of the day, this is about your wellbeing. so if autism as a word feels like home, you’re home. find others like you and share with each other the joys and the pains of having this kind of brain. look for resources online. figure out what works for you and what doesn’t. use this knowledge and this identity to try to create a life for yourself that isn’t always hurting you.