#I have a new hyperfixation every couple of months

[ecoterrorist-katara]

hi! i recently joined the zutara fandom and i've been seeking to read more fics of them! the first one was once around the sun (a famous one) and i'd like to know more about of the most classic zutara fanfics

Hello & welcome to the fandom! Once Around the Sun is one of my favourite fics ever. It’s so beautiful and gets under your skin.

Just a note, in case you're new to fanfic: please leave kudos for the author if you enjoyed their work, or even better, kudos + a comment! Not every popular fic will be your cup of tea, so make sure to check the tags and ratings before reading.

I think “classics” can be a ymmv situation, but a lot of people get into a ship with sorting by kudos on AO3, so I'll go through the ones I've read on page 1 that cover a bunch of different popular premises. S3 forced collaboration? The Color of the Stars by bluenebulae. Arranged political marriage? The Blackfish and the Dragon by ama. Ambassador Katara? such selfish prayers by andromeda3116. Canon divergent post-TSR? i'm still here by owedbetter. Katara-is-captured fic? Sparrowkeet by audreyii_fic. Painted Lady x Blue Spirit? Rumour Has It by FictionIsSocialInquiry. And of course, one of my fave fics of all time, Southern Lights by colourwhirled.

If you sort by favourites/comments on FFN, you'll come across some older-ish fics, like Stormbenders by Fandomme (fab undercover adventure from late s3!), His Majesty Prefers Blue by ShamelessLiar (post-canon), Tempest in a Teacup by akaVertigo (Katara grows up in the FN AU), The Black Games by MrsPettyfer (Hunger Games AU), Enslaved by sharkflip (Zuko is kidnapped and given to Katara), and The Undying Fire by Boogum (a veritable epic!).

That said, there are soooo many amazing fics in this fandom, and some of my favourites don't show up on the first couple of pages on AO3 or FFN if you sort by kudos/faves/reviews. I have a list of my lesser-known faves here, but since I made that post I've read a few more fics that I LOVE, including: akaiiko's they call you refugee (you'll see why), Lykegenia's The Things We Hide (fave Hama & Kya arcs ever), and DariusSobreitus' Annakpok (Iliad-inspired AU). I also didn't include any WIPs on that list, but following WIPs can be really fun, like emletish's hilarious The Worst Prisoner and ShamelessLiar's Call Me Katto AU. So: feel free to explore beyond rec lists and kudos! I found some of my favourite fics just by reading summaries.

Also, we got a whole SLEW of new fics between Zutara Week now and Zutara Big Bang a couple of months ago, which I haven't even begun to dig into (I currently have Wolfstar brainworms so I've been distracted from my Zutara fic hyperfixation). We’re a very spoiled fandom indeed. Happy reading!

[misspenguinchaos]

Yall are sleeping on the angst potential this fish guy has

[andi-o-geyser]

“cody only has under an hour of screen time in all of star wars” maybe to you he does. to me he's the main character

[rragnaroks]

fall out boy comes out with new singles and BAM suddenly i am dreaming about patrick stump every night

[twstowo]

Their Magicam Accounts[Twst]

♡︎How I think their Magicam Accounts would look and what they do in them.

♡︎This was been catching dust in my drafts for months now. Crazy

♡︎Includes: NRC, RSA and Rollo

⋆⋅☆Riddle: Owns two accounts on Magicam. The first one is only used to like or comment on posts from friends, Carter set up this account against Riddle’s will. He once accidentally posted a picture of the two of you and had a heart attack trying to delete it. The second account is a secret one where he only posts hedgehog pictures.

⋆⋅☆Trey: Has one account where most of his posts showcase his cakes, including pictures from unbirthday parties and moments of you cooking with him. His profile picture is him with that dog filter, you can’t change my mind.

⋆⋅☆Carter: Literally Owns Magicam, posting pictures every time he does something or is with someone. #Thevoicesarewinning. Comments on every post and totally knows that Riddle owns the hedgehog account. He also has a side account for stalking people. Changes his profile picture daily.

⋆⋅☆Ace: Initially only posted embarrassing pictures of people and would only take them down if they paid him. Got suspended quickly from Magicam. The second account is more relaxed, where he shares random content whenever he feels like it. He’s also the type to edit group pictures to make everyone look bad except himself, just to annoy everyone.

⋆⋅☆Deuce: Was the one who reported Ace’s first account since most pictures were of him. Has Shaky pictures, the best picture he has is one of him, Ace, and you together. Probably uses social media mostly for chatting with friends. Also, he, Ace, and you have one of those quirky couple profile pics.

⋆⋅☆Leona: Owns an account with no posts, profile picture, comments, or followers. Rarely uses Magicam, but he occasionally checks your posts.

⋆⋅☆Ruggie: Uses Magicam for selling stuff. Created a group for selling second-hand items and pins all his stuff to ensure faster sales than everyone else.

⋆⋅☆Jack: Gym pictures? Nah, I feel he’d be too shy for that. Probably has one image that he uses everywhere else just to identify himself.

⋆⋅☆Azul: Opened an account to promote Mostro Lounge, daily posts feature new dishes, prices, menus, and sales. He also has a personal account but doesn’t post (doesn’t think he looks nice in pictures).

⋆⋅☆Jade: Mushroom account, has so many followers who share his fascination. Their conversations are all about their mushroom hikes and can last for hours. Makes really aesthetically pleasing posts filled with detailed information about different types of mushrooms.

⋆⋅☆Floyd: For legal reasons I won’t say why, but his account got suspended after one week of its creation.

⋆⋅☆Kalim: Sends party invitations through Magicam, Jamil had to create a group to prevent Kalim from sending individual invitations constantly. Enjoys capturing pictures of the sky. Once posted a picture of Jamil, after it was deleted, he didn't post anything for a whole month, I wonder what happened.

⋆⋅☆Jamil: Similar to Leona, but he often checks Trey’s account for his cake posts. When he saw a picture of you and Trey together, he invited you over to cook with him but didn’t have the courage to ask for a picture of the two of you.

⋆⋅☆Vil: Posts frequently, sharing about himself and his daily routine, always looking impeccable. Regularly receives barking comments, he spends hours deleting all of them.

⋆⋅☆Rook: We all know he has a fan account for Neige. Likes posts of all the celebrities he adores. Writes extremely lengthy comments whenever he finds someone beautiful. He's been blocked so many times he's lost count.

⋆⋅☆Epel: Initially tried taking cute pictures following Vil’s advice but got annoyed as he looked too feminine. Instead, he started promoting stuff from his farm back home.

⋆⋅☆Idia: Uses an account with a weird name to hide his identity, posts about games and occasional activities. Engages in lengthy debates with anyone who disagrees with his new hyperfixation. Has a different notification ring for your posts.

⋆⋅☆Ortho: Shares many pictures of you and him and others doing silly things, sometimes posts gossips and causes huge scandals with them, to the point he decided to create an account with only gossip info. (Azul is literally taking notes.)

⋆⋅☆Malleus: This man owns a Nokia 3310.

⋆⋅☆Lilia: Creates posts about the Doramas he watches, managing a fan page to discuss them with others. Shares pictures of Silver, Sebek, and Malleus, although the latter two get embarrassed, leading Lilia to take down their pictures.

⋆⋅☆Silver: Posts images of nature and cute animals. There's only one picture of him – you took it while he was sleeping and posted it. He didn't have the heart to delete it, knowing it was you.

⋆⋅☆Sebek: Shaky hands #2. Takes pictures of his paintings of Malleus; if you scroll long enough, you might see an accidentally posted painting of you.

⋆⋅☆Che’nya: Shares pictures of people's scared faces, taken while invisible when the flash goes off.

⋆⋅☆Neige: Lost track of his posts; like Vil, he has many followers. Captures moments with the dwarfs and shares funny stories about his day in every picture.

⋆⋅☆Rollo: Has one account filled with pictures of Fleur City. His profile picture used to be a croissant, but he removed it since it looked dumb. He was blocked every magic user, except for you. Yet.

[sh4wty18]

I need a Jake Webber and a fashion icon reader 🙏🏼

jake x fashion icon reader hcs.

tw: nothing here is accurate or representative of jake in real life. this is all fictional and for fun only! all pics from pinterest :)

red = jake pink = reader

★ he’s constantly taking you on shopping sprees to your favorite brands (his wallet is begging for mercy)

★ he’s also your personal photographer obviously

★ putting on fashion shows for him every chance you get

“how do i look, baby?” “like my perfect, beautiful stargirl”

★ never ever ever trying to change his style in any way because even though you have different fashion senses, you think he looks amazing and wouldn’t want to change him for the world

★ waking up early to drive you to photoshoots for your work bcuz he knows you're too tired to drive that early, and getting coffee on the way (he pays every time)

★ cue jake softly rubbing your thigh with his thumb in the drive-through, pulling you close to lean against his shoulder and placing a soft kiss to your temple as he waits for your orders :((

"what would you like princess?" "mmm... iced vanilla latte please"

★ you would be soooo much more outgoing and assertive than him. you're totally the "he asked for no pickles!" gf while he's the *hiding behind you out of fear of confrontation bf*

★ you two would EAT halloween up... your couples' costumes would go absolutely insane

★ some of your most iconic costumes include: jessie and buzz lightyear, justin timberlake and britney spears, mavis and johnny, and juno and paulie

★ one time you walked in new york fashion week and he was absolutely GIDDY in the front row... recording the entire thing and giggling like a little boy watching his super-star shine

*turns to the person next to him* "that's my girlfriend!" "oh... nice." "she's the prettiest girl ever! i'm so so so proud of her!"

★ you got playboy playmate of the month and you better believe jake was spamming and reposting EVERY. SINGLE. POST. bragging about you is his favorite pastime.

★ he loves listening to you explain fashion history to him, because he loves learning fun facts... (and listening to your voice)! fashion quickly became one of his hyperfixations once you two started dating <33

dividers from @plutism

[pixiedustjellicle]

I have such a difficult time connecting with the Cats community now. Part of me feels like maybe I'm too old for the current fandom(I don't feel old, but I'm certainly not 19 anymore). Or that perhaps it's because I don't much care about ships. Sometimes I worry that I intimidate people, and I'd hate that. Let me introduce myself and how Cats has shaped my life, and maybe I can find my people?

I first saw Cats at a tiny local theatre when I was eight. I fell in love with it, and even though I didn't have the movie yet, I spent months afterwards with just the poem book and highlights album. Eventually I got the 98 VHS too- and then another local theatre put it on when I was ten! I got to see it twice there. And afterwards, I made up my own attempt at a costume, turned our spare room into my attempt at the set, and put some chairs in there to put on the highlights show for some friends of my mother. The CD was worn out, I went on with the show, and they even gave me a card and a new CD afterwards- the London 2 disc set! Looking back, I think how embarrassing it probably was, but I was so happy and proud of myself in the moment. Two more years later, US Tour 5 came through Nashville, and I got to go and stagedoor for the first time. I wore a tail I made and one of the actresses told me I had a perfect Bombalurina tail twirl. For all those years, I worked Cats into school projects, I drew nothing else. My mom put up with it for so long, and I still thank her to this day.

And then I went into middle school. New school, new students, and I started getting bullied for it. I found other musicals I didn't get bullied for- Phantom, Wicked, and Sweeney- to latch onto, and I kinda put Cats in the back of my head. I still loved it, but my hyperfixation had waned thanks to mean kids, and other than occasionally watching the 1998 movie, I didn't think much of it for years.

But the US Tour 6 announced a date in Nashville. I hadn't seen the show in eight years, and I wasn't about to miss it. I had already started taking an interest in cosplay, but I'd never made a costume like that. I remembered admiring the CCDB as a kid though, and I told myself I was totally capable of making my own, just to go see the show in costume. And I did.

And the cast were SO sweet, and I started finding Cats fans on Instagram. I thought I could do better on the costume, so when the show stopped in Chattanooga a couple months later... I did it again.

The pandemic hit and I lost my job. Immediately I started getting work making Cats cosplays for others, and I haven't stopped since. And when the show resumed, I made an overnight trip to Memphis to dress up again!

And then, I saved until I could finally go see the Royal Caribbean production (front row all three performances), and got to cosplay on the cruise and get a picture on stage with the cast! This was absolutely everything to me, especially seeing the original choreography as opposed to the revival. I definitely cried. (I'm in the middle bottom row!)

I've gotten to make some costume pieces for three regional productions of Cats, in the Dominican Republic, Atlanta Georgia, and most recently Georgetown Texas. I've won some local cosplay contest with my costumes, too! And I'm lucky enough to own a few original pieces- though I've had to part with some too.

My love for this show has spanned just over 17 years now. I adore the story, the costumes, the choreography, the sets, and the characters. It's part of how I learned I am autistic. It's given me confidence I didn't know I could find. And every time I get to see it live, I feel like I'm where I belong. The fandom has felt quiet. And I'm not sure if that's just because I don't know where I fit in? So here's hoping I can find my tribe.

Favorite productions: Original Broadway, Moscow, and Mexico 2013/2018

Favorite Cats: Jemima/Sillabub, Bombalurina, Demeter, Munkustrap, Tumblebrutus, Jellylorum

Favorite songs: Jellicle Songs for Jellicle Cats, The Song of the Jellicles and the Jellicle Ball, Macavity

Favorite cats to cosplay: Etcetera and Victoria

[snapscube]

Do you have any advice on starting to do workouts? I keep trying to start working out but I always lose my motivation after about a week :(

im not an expert on long-term motivation tbh, as im only a couple weeks into my routine myself and there’s always a chance i could slip again. but what’s really helped me make it even this far and what i would really recommend to start for u is working on it with a friend! whether that friend is actively joining you OR is just a confidant in which you can give updates and who can kinda support you and HELP keep u motivated and celebrating the little victories!

i’ve already mentioned it before but straight up the only reason i started working out specifically when i did is because i met a new friend and was doing everything i could for a bit to make sure it like, stuck know cause i thought they were rlly cool! so at one point it was brought up that we both had peloton bikes and then it was like omg… how cool would it be to have like, workout buddies. so i almost immediately hyperfixated on making this bike i hadn’t touched in MONTHS and had considered selling work out for me LMAO.

then at that point, and this is my next most important tip for u, it was just a matter of making sure i did at least A LITTLE BIT every day unless i literally didn’t have the time. and when i mean a little bit, i mean to the point where i was starting up 20 minute rides and getting up to maybe 8 of those minutes before i couldn’t do it anymore cause i just was so out of shape and generally exhausted. but the honest truth is that it does get easier. and that doesn’t necessarily mean you’re always gonna be making linear progress! i did my first full 30 minute session the other day and was so excited that i made it through a full class, but yknow what? the day immediately after, i just didn’t have another full one in me. but i still was there, i gave it all that i could give it in that moment, and i still made the decision to try instead of ignoring it. and THAT is the part that gets easier. it starts to become really exciting when you notice it working and improving your mood, your energy, your focus, and that excitement for me made it even easier to want to try.

so just start small. commit to BEING THERE as much as you can, even if you’re not giving 200% of your stamina right out the gate. you are there for YOU, and no one else, so make it work for you. do little things until you’re excited to do bigger things, and then if you go too hard, come back down for a bit. but still be there.

[misc-obeyme]

would u consider obey me a dead fandom?

Um. Nope. I sure wouldn't.

If there's anybody out there who thinks Obey Me is a dead fandom, I would say they're probably confused about what a dead fandom actually is.

I think an argument could be made saying that there is no such thing as a dead fandom. But I'm going to assume you mean that fan content is at an all time low.

Friend, I have been in fandoms where the content was like... you get a fic or two every year if you're lucky. This for a media that hadn't put out any new content in decades.

Obey Me? I get an average of five asks per day about Obey Me. I can queue 10 posts per day about Obey Me. I still average over 800 notes a day on this here Obey Me blog. In the past few months, we've had new artists and writers joining the community and posting their Obey Me fan works. The game is still active and updating. There are two apps even.

So no, I personally would not consider the Obey Me fandom to be dead by any means.

It's certainly been more active in the past. I'll never forget the surge of activity that happened when Nightbringer first came out. My Solomon fics seemed to double their notes over night lol.

But we're also in a bit of a lull right now because we aren't getting new chapters. Every time an event happens, there's another burst of activity. And then things die down just a little before they surge again. That's the nature of fandom.

Another common fandom thing is people coming and going. I've been here for almost two years, but there are others who have been here for four. And then there are some people who've only been in the fandom for a couple months. And then there are the people who were here at the beginning, but have since moved on. Maybe they only stayed for a few months before moving on. Maybe they're only casually in the fandom, dipping in now and again. This is also just the nature of fandom. There's no right way to do it. And it doesn't reflect on whether a fandom is alive or dead.

Hell, we even have plenty of discourse and toxic stuff in this here fandom, too. More of that when there's nothing else to do, I think, which is unfortunate, but also kinda... just part of fandom.

And all of this is just how it is on Tumblr. I know there are active Obey Me communities on Twitter/X and Instagram, too. I'm just too old and tired to maintain that many socials. I actually have accounts on both of those apps but I rarely use them.

And lastly, I'm a big proponent of being involved in fandom no matter how active the community is. By this I mean, if I still have an Obey Me hyperfixation in ten years when the apps are closed down and nearly everybody else has moved on, I will still be here posting fic. Because I won't leave a fandom until I am ready to move on from it, dead or not. (Sometimes this can mean you are one of the few people still creating for said fandom, but you might be surprised at how many people will still enjoy what you create.)

[pleasestopdeletingmyaccount]

I broke

40 days

That's how many days left until season 7 premiere of 9-1-1. Just 40 days until my blorbos come back from war.

And I couldn't hold out

We're at least 2 years away from season 3 of Good Omens and probably 9 months away from season 3 of Heartstopper. Yes I am doing splendidly thanks for asking.

I couldn't take it anymore and started a new show, my brain need a new hyperfixation

Like an idiot, I chose Hawaii 5-0 because what could be better than a 10 season show ?

I'm 10 minutes into the first episode and already I'm putting clown makeup on 🤡. I swear I cannot get my brain to quit shoving dudes together. I seriously think I'm just lowkey delusional at this point

It's honestly so embarrassing of me but also they are gay. Gay

Sorry, nothing could get you to stay to run this operation ? Not even a task force to find the man who killed your father ? Not free reign over EVERYTHING ? PASS ?

But a hot hunk of man point a gun at you and suddenly you're interested ? Something (someone) changed your mind ? Gay

Oh what's that ? He's blond and buff and competent ? Oh he's witty ? Oh he's also bratty and you want to push him against a couple different surfaces ? Gay

Oh you feel like he can step to you and he's not interested in buttering you up or listening to you but obviously still respect you? Gay

Oh he had your back and saved your life ?

And as the petty ass man you are you "appointed" him your "partner" ?

Shameful Mr.Mcgarret

Shameful

But also I woulda done the same

Now if I had a nickle for every show a hard, jaded brown hair brown eyes soldier was suddenly captivated by a blond bimbo (affectionate), I'd have two nickles (scratch that 4, forgot about GO and OFMD), which isn't a lot but it's strange that it's happened twice.

Anyway, imagine how unsurprised I was when I curiously looked on Tumblr to see if the two dudes from 5-0 was a hot item and saw this tag with thousands of people :)))

I guess this is my humble request for the McDanno fanbase to accept me as one of their own.

I promise to bring much delusion

Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk.

[stormz369]

The King of Hell and Me: Ch 2 - Molting

Chapter Guide Ch 1 Ch 2 Ch 3 Ch 4

Summary: Lucifer goes missing because he's embarrassed. Preening ensues. Wolf-demon reader. Warnings: fluff, Lucifer being bad at vulnerability, animal characteristics, implied arousal, rated mature (maybe?) Word Count: 3k

Lucifer had his own home, of course. But since the hotel’s grand re-opening, he’d been staying in his suite here. To be closer to Charlie, or to get himself out of his depression funk, or maybe both, it wasn’t clear. Either way, we’d found ourselves spending a lot of time together. We ate breakfast together most days, he told me all about his most recent duck-based inventions, and he was the only person I let into my office while I was doing my work for the hotel. Charlie had hired me as an all-purpose consultant, letting me work on any projects I wanted, and I dove straight into the advertising/community outreach/PR side of things. My work didn’t typically look like much until I had a completed product to present, so I didn’t like to have people watching my process, and as long as I kept her in the loop Charlie didn’t mind my secretive ways. But Lucifer was a creative mind too. He understood that sitting at my desk apparently doing nothing wasn’t actually nothing, and he let me be.

He was also the only person allowed to put things in my office, but that was only because he felt it was odd that I was a wolf without a pack, -because “Even hellhounds have packs, dear girl! Wolf-demons aren’t that uncommon, you need a family!”- and had started making one for me, a slowly growing pack of rubber ducks with wolf ears and fluffy tails. Every so often I’d find a new one in my office, and each one did something unusual. A pair facing each other on the windowsill had a laser between them that would alert us to intruders, but most were silly things like duck-wolves that could jump and growl, or were actually soap dispensers or changed color with the weather. 

It actually worked out to be a mutually beneficial relationship. We both had a tendency to dive headfirst into our hyperfixations, and when one of us did, the other usually managed to keep them from spiraling too far. He’d comb my hair and fur, and remind me to take breaks. I’d bring him dinner and get him out of his room when he was getting frustrated. One time I even sat in the bathroom taking notes while he talked so he could shower without losing his flow. We weren't exactly romantic, but it was far more emotionally intimate than any romantic relationship I’d ever had. And, with no one else filling that role for either of us, we did end up on the receiving end of a lot of ‘old married couple’ jokes. 

And that’s why, when he suddenly just wasn’t at the hotel one morning, I got a bit nervous. And, I’ll be honest, frustrated. I reminded myself that just because we typically spent breakfasts together didn’t mean we had to every day. Just because he’d told me every time he was leaving the hotel for the last few months didn’t mean he was beholden to me. We were friends, but he wasn’t mine and I couldn’t tell him what to do. I had no right or reason to be put off by this unexpected change to my routine. So I ate breakfast alone, went down to my office to work alone, and … couldn’t get into it. I couldn’t focus, everything was just a bit off. I should be able to hear his breathing, see his faint glow out of the corner of my eye, feel his hands in my hair. But I was entirely, soul crushingly, alone. 

I texted him every day for the first week. Then once every few days, which quickly became once a week, but he never responded. He didn’t even look at them. I was starting to think he might be mad at me, but I couldn’t imagine what I could have done to upset him so much. I started working evenings, finding it less uncomfortable to be alone at night, but I had trouble getting much done either way. Charlie started bringing me breakfast in my office when everyone else had dinner. I appreciated that she was making sure I ate, but I was just as worried about her as she was about me. Lucifer hadn’t reached out to her either, and he wasn’t taking her calls, and her calm facade was starting to crack. At least she had Vaggie though. I was just alone.

A month into his disappearance I was working late again. Everyone was in bed, and I was trying to finish up this advertising campaign mock up for Charlie, when I heard the door of the hotel creak open. My ears perked up, and I cracked my office door open, listening carefully. I couldn’t make out who had come to visit. There were footsteps, light and airy but far too heavy to be Lucifer. I sniffed the air, glad for my more animalistic senses, hoping to catch some kind of clue. Friend, or foe? Welcome, or defend? The air smelled … musty, and damp. Something was very off.

I flicked my wrist, extending my claws, and made my way silently down the dark hallway. The intruder stumbled up the stairs, it would be silent to those without acute hearing, but I heard every step. I followed along, trying to visualize where they were from the sounds. They made their way past the elevator and up more flights of stairs, and I tracked along behind them, staying a floor below them to avoid detection. I wanted to know who they were, but I also wanted to know what they were looking for. When they finally made their way down a hallway, I glowered. They were on Charlie’s floor. I waited, listening halfway up the stairs so I could pounce if needed, until I heard them stop at a door. I jumped up, landing a few feet away from the short, trenchcoat clad figure. They jumped, pressing themself against the wall as if they could disappear through it, and dropped … a key?

“... Lucifer?” I whispered.

He turned toward me, a sheepish grin on his face. “... Heeey … I’m home!”

I sighed, scooping up his key and unlocking his door, gesturing for him to go inside. “Don’t wake Charlie.”

He nodded, darting inside. His footfalls were too heavy, he was hunched over a bit, and his back looked bulky under his coat. Something was wrong. He sat awkwardly on the couch, kicking his feet a bit. “Sooo … How’ve you been?”

“How have I been? … Luc, where have you been? … Y- you didn’t call, you didn’t tell anyone where you were going, or when you’d be back, you sneak in in the dead of night in whatever that is, you smell like a drowned bird, and you’re walking like an injured dog. And you ask how I’ve been???” A deranged laugh ripped its way out of my throat as I collapsed onto the seat next to him. “... Do you even care that we’ve all been worried sick? … I … you didn’t text me back … You were just … gone.”

He flinched a bit, hesitantly reaching for my hand. “... I .. I’m sorry, puppy … I didn’t mean to scare you. I just … I had something to attend to.”

I sighed softly, letting him take my hand. “What was so important that you couldn’t even tell us you were ok?”

“I … just had to …” He sighed. “Look, it’s kind of embarrassing, ok? I …” He mumbled something, a low whine in the back of his throat masking his words.

“... What was that?”

“I’m molting, ok?” He whined, shifting uncomfortably. “I’m molting, and I can’t comfortably put my wings away until it’s over, and they’re ugly right now! So I just … I thought I’d just go to the manor until it was over. I was only coming back tonight to get my sketchbook so I could work on a project…”

I blinked a bit, trying not to laugh. “... Right. … Just so I’m clear, cause I didn’t really interact with birds on earth. Molting is the one where birds lose a bunch of feathers and get new ones, right?” He nodded. “And it’s a yearly thing?”

He nodded again, “For most birds. Angels get a little one each year, and a big one each decade. It takes forever! It’s … unpleasant. Messy …” He grumbled softly; “humiliating.”

“Humiliating? It’s just part of having wings, isn’t it? How is that humiliating?”

“... You’ve seen my wings, what did you think of them?”

I let out a sigh, thinking. “... They’re bigger than I expected, but that makes sense since you’re not a bird. They’d have to be pretty big to lift you up … unless you’ve got hollow bones and they’re just ostentatious?” I chuckled a bit, hoping to lighten his mood, but it didn’t seem to work. “... They’re beautiful, and they look really soft … You look so majestic when you fly …”

“Exactly. … Beautiful. Majestic. That’s what they’re supposed to be … but when the molt comes they’re … really not that. … Molting is messy, and itchy, and … gross! … I look like a plucked chicken under this coat…” He whined softly, frustrated tears pricking at his eyes as he hid his face in his hands. “And the worst part is that I can’t even rush it along like we did in heaven, because I can’t reach!”

“... Can’t reach? … Do you have to pluck something, or?”

He nodded. “At the end of the molt the new feathers have these keratin sheaths that have to be removed … In heaven we’d get a few trusted angels together and circle up, but I can’t do that here! So I just have to wait for them to peel off on their own!”

I frowned softly, gently stroking his shoulder. He whined softly, looking at me hesitantly. “Lucifer, … I’m sure this is a … sensitive topic, and I’m sure there’s a reason you didn’t ask, but … if you wanted to ask, … I would help. And I promise, I wouldn’t judge you for what they look like right now, or talk to anyone else about it, or anything like that … It’s just like when you got that matt out of my fur, that was pretty embarrassing for me, but I couldn’t see it well enough to get it out myself. So you sat down with me, and you took a set of combs, and detangling spray, and a pair of scissors, and you fixed it for me. … You could have just cut it out, but you didn’t. You sat there and meticulously detangled it for hours, and then you trimmed everything so it wouldn’t get bad so easily again. Remember? … I could do the same for you.”

He nodded slowly, sighing softly. “I just … I didn’t want you to see … you don’t understand, they look really bad right now …”

“So did my neck.”

He thought for a moment, sighing before he carefully slipped the ugly beige trench coat off. His wings were pressed firmly against his back, almost trembling. He turned away, letting me get a good look at them. The majority of his flight feathers had already gone through the process, but about half of the fluffy down feathers were still encased, or partially encased, in cylindrical sheaths. I smiled softly, gently stroking down his spine. “It really doesn’t look so bad, Luci. Let’s get comfy, ok? Do you wanna lay down somewhere?”

A shiver went up his spine, and his wings attempted to puff up in response. It did look a bit sad, but I wasn’t gonna tell him that. He was feeling uncomfortable enough as it was. His wings were usually a source of great pride for him, I wasn’t about to make this harder for him. He slowly nodded, and carefully got up. I followed him to his bedroom, a little concerned by how wobbly he seemed.

“... Luc, is the molt really the only thing that’s going on? You seem a bit … off?”

He collapsed onto his bed, pulling a pillow under his chest and crossing his arms under himself. “It’s enough … The little molts take a lot of energy, but the big ones … The big ones really suck … I’ve been in bed pretty much since I left …”

I nodded, sitting next to him. “I see … so, I just start peeling these things off the feathers?”

He nodded. “Gently, please … You can roll them a bit if they resist, but if that doesn’t work move on to the next one. Most of them should be ready though.”

I hummed softly, gently taking the wing in front of me and carefully extending it. He groaned softly, following my movements compliantly. I let the wing rest on my legs and began carefully sliding my fingertips over the little cylinders. Most of the keratin sheaths started to flake and crumble away under my touch, and I carefully rolled the slightly more resistant ones between my fingers. Under my touch, fluffy down and contour feathers began to emerge. I gently brushed the debris away, careful of my claws. I knew I had to do this perfectly; to prove he could trust me with things like this. He wasn’t moving or making any noises though, and I wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or bad.

I worked methodically from the bottom where his wing attached to his back, up and out to the wingtip, periodically brushing the detritus away and stroking his freshly exposed feathers. I finished the right side and got halfway through the wings on the left before I ran into one that started to peel away, but then didn’t want to budge. I was about to move on like he’d told me, but I paused when I heard the first noise Lucifer made since I started touching his wings; a high pitched whine. He squirmed uncomfortably, and his wings ruffled up a bit.

“... Luci? D- did I hurt you?”

“Noooo … I want it off …” He whimpered softly, pressing his face into the pillow. “... C- Can you scratch it a bit? Just a bit!”

I nodded, humming softly my agreement, and carefully ran a claw along the sheath. His high whine returned, but this time it seemed a bit more … pleased? I scratched again, watching little bits of the sheath peel away. After just a little bit more the sheath fell away entirely, releasing its fluffy feather, and Lucifer sighed happily. 

“Ohhh fuck~ … Oh, that’s so much better! Your hands are magic~” He moaned softly, bringing a blush to my cheeks.

I cleared my throat; “... I’m glad you’re liking it, Luc.”

I carefully continued to the tip of his wing. There were only a few that hadn’t been ready to go yet, and his wings were back to their full, shiny, fluffy glory. He sighed happily, but didn’t move to get up, so I just continued to stroke his feathers.

“Ahh~ … Puppy, that’s wonderful~ … But y- … you do know, wings are sensitive, yeah?” He slowly lifted his head, looking over his shoulder at me. The heat on his face made me squirm shyly, and I shakily removed my hands.

“S- Sorry … I …” I blushed bright red, scooting backwards. He whined softly, slowly sitting up and facing me.

He shakily reached for my hand, running his thumb over my fingers. “... I wasn’t trying to make you stop. …”

I blushed even more, looking up at him shyly. “... So … should I continue?”

He slowly lifted my hand to his lips, kissing my knuckles gently. “... Only if you wish to.”

I nodded slowly, shakily pushing him to lay back down. He did, watching me out of the corner of his eye, and I straddled his hips, stroking his wings gently.

“... They’re so beautiful, Luci … You are beautiful …” I was mesmerized, letting my hands trail along the soft feathers. 

He sighed happily, settling under me. “... I cannot believe I let this go on for a full blessed month when I could have had your hands on me this whole time …”

I chuckled softly, continuing to preen him gently. “Never again, yes? You come to me for this, whenever you need it. Or even if you just want it. … You take care of me, and I take care of you.”

“Because we’re an old married couple.” He nodded, yawning softly. “Yes, love, anything wifey wants~”

I blushed brightly, trying desperately to stop the squeak from leaving my mouth. Others had called us a married couple before, mostly to tease us, but we had never said it. “... That’s right, husband. Anything I want.”

He smirked slightly. “Husband … I like the way that word sounds when you say it ... If you’re not careful, I might just make you my wife for real …”

“... And what exactly would ‘being careful’ look like?”

“Oh, you know. Not letting me touch you anymore, keeping me out of your office, making fun of my ducks. … Taking your hands off my wings would definitely count as being careful.”

I chuckled softly, steeling my nerves and leaning forward to kiss his cheek. I whispered against his ear; “sounds like a horrible way to live. I think I’ll take my chances.”

His eyes flew open, looking up at me. A bright red blush spread across his face, and a hesitant smile graced his lips. “... I agree. A horrible way to live.”

He carefully slid out from under me, turning around so I was in his lap instead, and gently cupped my cheek, rubbing gently with his thumb. I leaned into his touch, sighing happily, and he slid his hand up to stroke my fluffy wolf ear. An almost electric feeling shot through me, leaving me gasping, and I hesitantly looked up at him. He smirked slightly, pulling me closer and kissing me softly before he whispered in my ear; “Now don’t give me that look, love~ You’ve been doing it to me this whole time~”

[ankles-be-bitten]

i really wish streaming services like netflix didn't incentivize binge watching.

i took a break from watching community a couple months back because i was starting to get tired of it and didn't want to completely kill my love for the show by overdoing it, so i stepped away. i came back today because i was in the mood to watch an episode or 20, only to find that it had been taken off the platform in the time that i was away, which was disappointing. i understand that the show isn't exactly new by any metric, and that streaming services like netflix basically have to rotate their selection in order to remain profitable, so i took the opportunity to start dungeon meshi (a brilliant, hilarious, and sincere show you should definitely watch, but that's not the point right now), which i'd been eyeing a lot recently as it's gotten very popular on the tumblr website.

however, i realized a little too late that i was not nearly as attached to the characters as i should be for the more emotional moments to have full impact, 70% of which i attribute to not taking it slow while watching it. i very easily could have watched two episodes, waited a few days, watched another, or started watching when it was new to netflix and only one episode was out--regardless, i wish i'd paced myself. but i know how little time i have and i am acutely aware of the way netflix decides which shows get renewed for more seasons and which ones get killed off prematurely, so that combined with my immense time blindness/capacity for hyperfixation i sort of dove head first into the world, which gave me very little time to connect to the characters i was meant to feel for. i'm caught up now, so i have to pace myself at this point, but my fomo kicked in and now i'm very deep into characters i've barely had any time to care about.

it's not as bad as it could be, all of them are written compellingly enough that i absolutely adore every one of them, but there were a few moments where i'm certain that if i'd paced myself i would've been sobbing. weeping. open-mouthed bawling. (sibling bonds just... really get me, okay?) but i wasn't, and i wish i'd taken it slower so it could've hit harder. i like my media to hurt me.

i think it's a testament to how genuinely amazing this show is that i care about these characters at all, given how little time i've had to get to know them. go watch dunmeshi, if you haven't. pace yourself. learn from my mistakes. you'll probably enjoy it a lot more if you take your time. don't let Big Netflix fool you...

[cure-orchid]

I’ve still got some strong hyperfixation going on for one of my newest fandoms ‘The Ghost and Molly McGee’ (which I will eternally regert not watching sooner) and wanted to share some of my headcanons I’ve come up with over the last four months.

* There are a few months between ‘Jinx vs the Human World’ and ‘The End’, enough for a third season to take place. Most of the leaked scripts occur with a few exceptions: They do not find the ‘Williams’ lunchbox, by extension ‘Scratch from the Past’ doesn’t occur, Dead and Breakfast was revealed to be getting cut before the cancellation so it also doesn’t happen. And ‘Forever Home’ occurs after ‘The End’ (more below)

* I already posted my headcanon conclusion for the Chairman Ollie arc. I was going to post more on that but I’ve decided to wait (more at the bottom of this post)

* Molly is remaining positive for Scratch’s sake after he leaves. She is sad and talks about it with the others when she can…

* Then ‘Forever Home’ occurs (with Geoff in Scratch’s place) a month after Todd leaves. Patty dying and not becoming a ghost hits even harder since the loss of Scratch is still fresh. Molly allows herself to grieve in front of the others but her positivity is noticeably shaken for a week or two after. A movie hits too close to home during date night with Ollie and Molly finally breaks down and fully opens up about her sadness and fear of losing people and being alone. Ollie is the second person she’s ever opened up to about this, Scratch was the first. After that she is truly able to start healing.

* Todd visits Brighton a year later. One scheme and a hug from Molly later and his memories from his time as a wraith return! He remembers Molly first but slowly the rest come back to him.

* After remembering everyone and having a true reunion. One of the things Scratch does on his last day in town is have a one on one talk with Ollie. Scratch figures he’d understand how he feels best since they both suffered memory loss for a time and both care deeply about Molly. Ollie tells him how hard it really was on Molly and how they’ve all been looking out for her.

* Molly and Scratch keep in touch, and Adia is let in on the truth about Todd and ghosts. They have yearly visits to Brighton.

* Scratch and Adia do get married, which may or may not be motivated by tax benefits, and have a quick ceremony at a courthouse. Best Man Geoff brings wraith Molly through a portal so she can be there as their flower girl, she’s already making the joy flowers anyway.

* Molly and Libby go to college in Brighton, while Ollie goes to college in Perfektborg. Being long distance besties with Scratch has prepared Molly for a long distance boyfriend so she’s not freaking out as bad as she would have at 13. They meet every other weekend and video chat frequently.

* Mollie get married once they finish college. Scratch and Adia take an extra trip to attend and the former is the best man. Libby and Andrea are the maids of honor. Libby realizes that with what Molly is planning, Andrea will find out about ghosts one way or another. They break the news early and introduce her to Geoff and Jeff, she’s freaked out but it gives context to some early events.

* Scratch and Adia die in a hang-gliding accident when Molly is in her early 20’s. They don’t reunite right away but Molly figures, and gets Geoff to spill, that Scratch is waiting to make a grand entrance at the funeral. He and Adia scare everyone not in the know at said funeral when they emerge from their graves. Molly and Ollie present the ghost couple with a large dollhouse and they move in with them.

* The girls future’s are pretty obvious, Molly becomes mayor of Brighton, Libby writes novels, June is a scientist, and Andrea marries Alina and her vision board becomes a reality. As for the boys, Ollie becomes a therapist with patients living and dead. Darryl is part of some government task force, that is all he is able to divulge.

* Mollie have their first daughter a few years later, Piper Chen-McGee. She inherits the swoopy hair and living with ghosts her whole life gives her a hyperfixation on the paranormal. From the moment they met and she grabbed his snoot, Scratch has been a doting uncle to her and the two are really close.

* Five years after comes Joy Chen-McGee. I haven’t thought too much about what she would be like but for sure she continues the legacy of enhappifying/engoodifying, enhappigoodifying if you will.

* Once they die, Ollie becomes the chairman for good. He has a white robe made for Molly, it doesn’t have any special powers but she’s already got her unique joy energy.

So I was already planning on writing a Ghost Friends one shot, I was going to save it for Halloween but I’ve decided to move it up and release it in around a month.

In addition, I’ve got two other fics that will be released after; one will be an anthology fic focusing on Ollie, exploring his character, his interactions with different characters, and going through his chairman arc! The other will be Molly and Scratch reuniting, because these two are family and it’s cruel to keep them apart.

I’m not sure how long it’ll take to churn these out, but the Ollie fic should start in June once I finish the Ghost Friends oneshot.

[what-the-flux]

Future status of this blog.

Hey you lovely peeps, it's just me giving a bit of an update for those that noticed the slowdown in my posts in recent months. I feel like talking on a personal level for once so if you don't want to read the whole thing and just want the tl;dr, here it is: This side blog will soon be going on an indefinite hiatus. I may come back to the fandom eventually but no telling at this point in time. If you’ve ever enjoyed my art, writing and characters here then you might enjoy yet more of that in original worldbuilding settings and a motley of other fandom or AU stuff then please follow my main @sparkyopteryx, I’ll be getting more active on that page again. I do have a couple more GW2 pieces to finish up and post at the end of this year so I hope you guys enjoy a sort of "last hurrah" from me before I redirect my focus. <3 If you want to read my open diary thoughts as I wax nostalgic and wistful then clicky the read more (DISCLAIMER: there is absolutely no callouts to individuals or guilds of any kind mentioned here and no name dropping. It's all just me and my thoughts and feelings, so hopefully that assuages any anxiety).

I've been here a looooong time. I checked my archive to see how far this blog goes back and whoof, January 2015. February 2015 was me posting my very first GW2 art on here, surprise surprise it was an asura. (technically not my very first asura art, very first asura I drew was Quinn in July 2014). Didn't know how deep the GW2 claws would get me and hold me for a decade, no other mmo had that kind of effect on me. WoW wasn't even close. DDO, Neverwinter Nights, Perfect World, all a piddly drop in the bucket compared to GW2. So much has happened to me since starting this game up to this point. I transitioned. I changed my name. I moved to a different living space. I started new relationships. I acquired two best friends. I went bald and grew a beard! This game rewired my creative brain, and I say that with....mixed thoughts and feelings. I've written SO many character stories and rp'd a ton and made so many characters that in some cases are up there with some of my most important muses I've ever created now. I love so many of them so much I'm picking them up and taking them with me to my other universes because I can't bear the idea of just leaving them behind and many of them are just too powerful to be contained (looking at you Oort, Euphix, Hoskk....yeah a lot of them). I say mixed though because also, it was to the detriment of my original settings. GW2 had me in a choke hold, which normally is fine with hyperfixations but this was a fixation that spanned actual years and I'm really feeling needing a change for a while and I miss creatively living in the spaces from my settings that I've carried around with me since elementary school. There's also the social aspect. I acknowledge the ever-shifting dynamic of fandoms, friend groups and how social media and how a social game like an MMO shapes things over the years. It's all a part of putting yourself out there with other people, I get all that. I have a hard time putting my thoughts into words but I still want to express myself in some fashion so I'm going to do my best but it's a complex, many faceted thing. I've met and made friends over the years but kept a tiny few. I've seen how other platforms and changing social expectations have shaped how people interact in fandom spaces. It's fascinating, to say the least. But as much as I've tried to put myself out there over the years, GW2 is the one that has given me the most dread, anxiety or general feeling of always being in the orbit or outlier. No, I don't care about being popular. But we're always trying to look for somewhere to belong in these fandom spaces you know? I am a firm believer of how we're always creating for ourselves and that is what I always do, every day I create it's cuz it's mine and I want to see it out in the world. Art is also a communal work, that's what makes art, writing, music and such unique. We make something from nothing for us, but also because we do it to share something of ourselves to others. I've gotten all sorts of beautiful comments and feedback and very occasionally the joyous feeling of someone asking about a character or idea. I've also given these things, because I genuinely love peoples' characters and hearing what they think up. I always hoped to carve my niche and feel at ease with a group of people long term. To get that feeling of communal exchange of ideas, characters, really deep rp and character interaction and all that. Ultimately though it's never been a lasting thing here and unfortunately I have a full time day job, finite amount of energy and focus for me to be constantly trying to be the one to initiate, maintain a social presence and be regularly updating with art and posts. NOT me fishing for sympathy or any of that so any of those comments are unnecessary. It’s alright, it’s just a thing that happens anywhere but it’s happened to me consistently here so I’m just not expending my energy overextending anymore and moving on.

As I said before, it’s complex. It’s not all negative, but I’m exhausted and burned out so it means simply putting down things that feel like they aren’t doing it for me anymore or aren’t making me feel fulfilled and happy in some way, because goodness knows I need every scrap of it with all the stuff I’m dealing with in my life these days. This space may be active again one day! Who knows! I sure don’t. I don’t make promises one way or another because no one can predict what will happen a month or a year from now. But regardless of whatever happens I hope to be able to still interact with and share other spaces in other capacities, and if not I wish you the best of luck in all your creative and personal endeavors! If you’re still actually reading this, I want to say that at the end of the day, many of you have given me support even in minor ways and for that I earnestly say thank you, it was people like you that helped keep me going. Even the people that I don’t really talk to anymore, you count too because we shared a lovely if fleeting thing. That’s about it from me though. Sorry if it got a bit rambly in parts, the original draft of this was much longer and probably even harder to follow. These are my feelings and my experiences I’m talking about, not general sweeping statements that should be taken as fact and I myself do not consider them facts, just what I’ve faced and what I’ve observed and felt. In the event this really is the end of GW2 for me, here’s to a decade of art, rp, writing, characters, silliness and good times. Tyria really did a number on me and for that I am thankful, I will keep the good memories with me. Excelsior! --Sparky

[femboymilkovich]

weekly tag wednesday thursday lol

tagged by the lovely @mybrainismelted @deedala and @vintagelacerosette

How did you get into the fandom? 

funnily enough technically because of my previous hyperfixation with the One Chicago tv series, specifically Chicago Fire actor Taylor Kinney lol. The show was going on a mid season break and I was like well I dont want to blow through what I need to catch up on but I want to wach said actor and I saw he was in 2 eps of s2 of shameless so I watched, laughed my ass off and decided to start it from the beginning immediately. Then became infatuated with gallavich surprise surprise.

How long have you been here?

on this blog, only a couple months, i had a lot of time off of tumblr but originally I joined around 2011 ish i think

What’s the first fandom channel you found? (Youtube, Reddit, Tumblr, Insta, Twitter, FB, other?)

I mean i had been seeing shit pop up in the algorithm on tiktok long before I got hooked, but like probably gallavich scenes on YT

what’s your favourite now? 

tumblr and discord for sure

Which mutual have you known the longest in the fandom?

oooh thats a tie actually! I started interacting with both of them at the same time lol @iansw0rld and @mickittotheman

Which tumblerino’s did you have your first fandom crush(es) on and want to get to know?

@mickittotheman again lmfao theyre such a cutie little bean i love them so much bitesyoubitesyoubitesyou

First Gallavich fan fic you read (or that blew you away that you remember)

screaming at the top of my lungs The Menagerie by @crossmydna

it wasnt the first story i read, but it was the first one that sank its teeth into me and made me absolutely insane. It made me love slow burn, so beautifully balanced, perfectly detailed. Amazing read I can NOT recommend it enough.

First Fan art that blew your mind? 

all fanart blows me away yall are so tallented its fucking insane. but the one that made my brain go brrrrrrrrrrrr was THIS one by Mechy aka @mickittotheman. but also I love @steorie, @doshiart @heymrspatel and @deedala your art always makes me go insane i love you all thank you for blessing my eyeballs

Fanfic trope that you were sure wasn’t for you but now you low key (or high key) love?

slow burn and college/sports AU's also sex worker of varying degree but specifically Headphones Encouraged by @whatthebodygraspsnot

What surprised you most about this fandom?

how fucking nice, and accepting everyone is! entering into a fandom, especially when there is no new canon content was scary but every single person i have come across has been incredibly lovely, and a few of them hold a very dear place in my heart for helping me through my self journey (@transsexual-dandelions looking at you i love you forever)

Moment in the show (or YT vids if you’re one of those) that you fell in hyperfixation with Gallavich?

oh literally instantly mickeys intro and interactions hooked me into their world immediately

Ian or Mickey?

okay first of all how dare you. this is impossible. i refuse

Which Gallagher or Milkovich are you? 

im mickey 100% lmfao love that for me

not tagging more people as im late to this anyway but if you see this and want to then i tagged you okay love you all byeeeeeeeeee

[kayakoto-enterprises]

She Loves You (2/2)

Cathedrals are everywhere for the eyes to see.

Thank you all for being patient with how long this took! Happy 2nd month, House Guest! This crazy hyperfixation has me holding on and recovering from everything.

Read the 1st part and the Midfic to fully understand everything going on here.

In which our beloved couple present themselves happily long before they need to defend their existence to their imagined public.

December 12, 1987

.

.

.

You want to look up and pretend it isn't snowing. you want to see the autumn sky again but no. It's flat. It's a pastel lavender. And the weather freezes everyone's paws as they read the morning paper. You're unwrapping this notebook that's been sitting snuggly in the wrapper for the new season. and as you transfer important notes and numbers from the old book, a pink sticky note has her name and telephone number on it. It was only yesterday when you first called but the numbers are already burnt into your mind. Then your eyes look at the clock, monitoring the hours, scratching in impatience, anticipating…

Then you realise what’s happening. You thought that you had kept her at arms-length, close enough but not comfortable. You kept most people at a distance but not her. She begins to tap dangerously close into your mind and you can only shut down to prevent any more ideas from flowing. But she’s multiplying, burrowing everywhere you can hide. How annoying.

Then you may stop to think to yourself: “Is it likely that I’m falling in love again?” Again? Since when have I loved someone? Like Lola? I’m not too sure if there’s a calibre we can weigh the intensity on. Maybe a heart attack, but I never had any of those either. In any case though, I don’t believe I do that sort of thing. The feeling is far distant from it. I could say that I love different things- like the autumn breeze, black coffee with hazelnuts, or the feeling of control. Those are just extreme expressions we throw around. Nothing else special. 

I walked out of the shop expecting a yellow sky but it was still covered in lavender. The feeling was beginning to make me go mad. Dressing up in new garb, looking directly at myself in confused rage. I’ve had this conversation before. I like women. I prefer women. I am not above killing them though. But love knows its ways around me. I’m blushing. I’m fixating on every clumsy sign of affection she shows me. Her kind gestures. Her smile. The way she scrunches her face when her glasses begin to slip. Her unusual voice. I’m beginning to feel it again. A quickened heartbeat. The blurry vision. Sweaty palms. Slurred thoughts.

Maybe I do.

Then she shakes my shoulder when she finds me sitting near the ticket booth with my arms crossed. I sit up properly taking a good look at her. Julianne finally wore her glasses outside, the red frames matching a ribboned top. It was something a little nicer than any of her usual outfits. I curiously wondered though who was inside the silver locket she was wearing.

“Hi, I’m sorry if I kept you waiting.”

“No, you aren’t late at all.” I replied “It’s not even 4 yet but let’s hurry. I have a secret to show you in here.”

Her ears popped up hearing the invitation. She nodded and followed behind me when I bought our tickets and made our way into the cinema. The theatre lights were still on, but as to be expected, there were handfuls of families crowding the theatre this Saturday. Thankfully seats 6 and 7 on Row L were empty and everyone else was courteous enough to not surround our bubble as badly as they could have. 

“Don’t tell anyone about this spot.” I whispered “This has the best view in the cinema even on a packed night.”

Her eyes instead focus on the architectural quirks and details swirling around the space, drawn immediately to the gold cat centrepiece hanging above the screen. She looks back at me and nods.

 “It is…seems just right in the middle..” Her voice tones down to a shy whisper. She rubs her hand on the plush of the velvet seat. The lights dim and the projection begins. The doors are closed for the next hour. Time was moving slower in that red box. I could barely focus on the movie. I know I’ve seen it before somewhere. Julianne on the other hand had her eyes focused on every minute and every detail. She was holding back her excitement to not be so rude. The entire time I was squinting, making out her face in the dark and she only caught me staring once just to tell me her favourite scene was coming up. I forced myself to look at the screen, avoiding suspicion but my hands wandered, landing on top of hers, comfortably sliding my fingers between the gaps, neither of us aware what we were doing to one another.

I could not resist it. My signals were jammed, and they were all directing me to hold her hand or her arms the entire time. I regained autonomy when I asked myself if I could take it a step further. Then the excitement of momentum drowned. 

Julianne continued to hold my hand though even outside the theatre an hour later, humming the songs happily and swaying her arms.

“Hey Julianne, your glasses are fogged.”

“Aw, are they? Thanks.” She let go and grabbed a napkin to clean them up.

She leaned her head on my arm, purring as we continued walking downtown to her apartment. Lively Saturday nights have returned slowly but surely. Christmas lights and displays illuminated the stores around each corner, decorated with trinkets or dioramas of religious imagery. Julianne would stop every now and then to admire a few of them. 

“Thanks for taking me to see Annie tonight. You really didn’t have to.” 

“It’s my pleasure. I don’t know what to do with myself on December nights. Everyone is either out of town or closed early.”

“Everyone is home in December where I’m from. Woodbrook would be twice as busy. Everything would be open til 11!”

I gently smile.

“Oh, I should make it up to you..uhm..do you like magic shows? Not the birthday party sort of ones, the ones that are a lil more mature.” Julianne asks almost excitedly “It’s more of a comedy thing than it is kiddie entertainment. I could take you with me..”

“I’m sorry, I don’t. It’s not my cup of tea.” I said between half-gritted teeth, feeling awful for rejecting the offer. 

“Well, is there any hobby you have that we can do together? Something we can do over the weekend?” Julianne begins insisting. 

“I don’t really have a lot. I’m getting old, so maybe woodwork but most of my hobbies are solitary”

“We can always meet at the library then. I don’t mind. Also, have you eaten dinner? Do you want to go out? I’ll pay tonight since you paid for the tickets.”

I struggled to reply to that. I really had no appetite today. Maybe a few pieces of bread would do today but the thought of the movie meet up tonight weighed upon my head even after the fact, I had lost the will to. I shook my head. 

I’ve been down this road before.

Except she was a lot more merciful in her methods. She left disappointed but she at least understood when to stop pushing my buttons.

“I’m being so pushy, am I? I don’t want to force you to do anything. You’re just so nice to me. I also wanna be nice to you.” She frowns, wrapping her tail around her waist for her to fidget with. We stop at the entrance of the red building. She looks back at me and slowly blinks.

“I’ll leave it at that for now. You really should eat dinner though. Thank you!”

I stood at the doorway for longer than I would have liked to admit.

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December 15, 1987

Last night, Woodbrook experienced its first gleanings of winter. This morning, my driveway was covered in snow. I figured that I should get the front of the house and shop cleared up as early as now to avoid delaying opening. And so I was up since 5, shovelling through snow and greeting school children before it was time I drove to town to do more of the same. 

Coming into the town proper, an alarm bell began ringing in my mind- it was calling for me to look around. I did not understand what I was watching for suddenly. There were no signals in the snow this morning. From the reflection on the glass though was a bright rose parka that my eyes followed into the corner to the church. Nobody else wears that bright of a color here.

Following the butterfly into the pews, I hung my head low and pretended to have a reason to be there. She was seated rows away from me, spending 20 more minutes praying the rosary. She broke out of that solemness and looked around her, turning her back and finally acknowledging my presence. Her cheeks warmed up as she smiled then hid her blushing as she quickly got up and signalled I should follow her. 

“Did..did anyone see that?”

“See what?”

“See me…”

I playfully wrapped my arm around her shoulder. Her cheek got redder, cautiously looking around the street for any onlookers. 

“Most people can’t put up a fight about it. Cut it out.” I reassured her “Wanna get a chocolate at Betsy’s?”

“I’m fine, I’ll be making pancakes at home. Do you want to come with me?”

We looked at a clock inside the still closed stationery store. It was 7 in the morning. The storefront was already clean anyway. 

“I’ll help cook them with you. I’m glad you asked, ‘cause I haven’t eaten anything since 5.”

“Five? I’ve been in church since five. It’s the first snow too.” She was holding out her tongue to taste the snow. 

“Yeah, just clearing out my road, and you don’t have work today?”

“Woodbrook Elementary suspended classes today due to how intense the snow was last night. I also thought that, yknow, 10 days til Christmas. Isn’t there a vigil mass leading up to Christmas at the start of the day? Guess not.” She was talking her head off, eyes still looking behind us. The church had long disappeared into the horizon and she was still distracting me from actually asking what I had come there for.

“No, they don’t. But there is a mass during Christmas Eve. Do you want us to go together?”

“No, no, no, no, I don’t..want to..go to Mass..going with..I’m just saying God would know I’m coming there with impure intentions or what have you.”

Her eyes avert away from where we’re walking and she tries to let go of the grip I have on her. I just continue to hold her closer. The heat in between us was already far too comfortable to let go of. She tried again and my hand just lowered itself to where it was holding her hip.

“No, I’m not letting you go, we still have a block away to walk. Nobody is out here anyway.”

It was an unusually empty Tuesday morning. Half the stores on this avenue were shut down and the foggy air obscured whatever might just be waking up right now. Everything was washed in cream and blues that Christmas ornaments and lights would cut through later in the day. But it was 7 in the morning. To the two of us, this could have been a 3 pm on any other season. 

“It’s safe for two girls or guys to hold hands at least here. Anything other than that is a gamble. I don’t think anyone has any balls in them to punch anyone over what we’re doing right now.”

“I mean..we’re just friends though, right?” Julianne quickly corrected me.

“Of course, of course. That’s why I was thinking if we could attend mass together then we’ll have Christmas dinner. How does that sound?”

“You’re Catholic too?”

I could feel myself trying to not burst into laughter at her silly question. That’s the worst you could assume of me. 

“Sorta” I lied.

“Then we can, as..you know..friends..and you just don’t have to look at me during Mass but..”

“Julianne, don’t think about the Mass part, think of what we’ll do when we get back to my house–” I held my breath and thoughtfully constructed what I would say next “-- What food we’re gonna be eating or what drinks I should prepare..do you drink alcohol? No, bad question, do you have an allergy somewhere? Are you okay with salmon steak for us both..?”

Julianne pulled out her keys when we got to the lobby of the apartment building, eyes following us to the room at the top of the complex.

“I do love salmon, what if we bake it though with buttered vegetables and cheese?”

Her face was red and warm, a hand similarly holding on to the small of my back in front of more people than she worried about. She excitedly talked about what she could cook for the night or what we’d be doing after.

The rosary on her neck heard every intention and desire regardless.

They know. And they’re rewarding her for it.

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December 25, 1987

“I told you” She whispered “Don’t look at me during the Mass.”

“Where else was I supposed to look?”

“I don’t know…the altar?” Julianne pouted again. She toyed with the silver heart on her chest since we got inside the truck. 

We were stuck in the traffic between the busiest roads in town. New cars were flowing in and out of town for vacation while most were rushing home for dinner or their reservations. Last year I spent the day in bed, watching movies alone, and hiding from the world. I was still well fed by at least three families sending me everything I wanted. I was eating a casserole and cookies under my table waiting for Spring. I did miss the formality of the night though. I used to spend it with the Albrights for over two decades. Now with them away, I was getting calls from all around town to stay over. But the message was clear this year. Julianne placed her hands back on the handles of her tupperware when the light turned green.

“It’s so nice that you made that baked salmon too. You didn’t need to.”

“You just wouldn’t tell me what else I could do for you after Annie. It’s all I can do.”

Regardless, I was fine with returning routine back into my holiday schedule. I was wandering in the dark again earlier this year, trailing off of last year’s habits. I remember I still absentmindedly bought a certain somebody’s favorite cakes on a Monday afternoon for what was our afternoon tea time. Luckily, I now had someone at awe of such simple treats like raspberry tarts. Her tail was happily straightened up admiring the gussied-up kitchen. A table for two, sharing two big casseroles of food, strawberry shortcake, raspberry tarts, and a whole bottle of wine. She straightened her white dress, looking back to me to politely gesture we take a seat.

“As friends, right?”

“To my dearest friend, Julianne.”

I know she doesn’t only think of me as her friend.

I’m a special case. An eyecatcher. And then a crush. Then a friend. Now her first suitor. 

She’s crawling inside and finding her space.

Her hand rests on top of mine as we eat.

Many, many more wordless gestures.

The lamb rests inside comfortably.

I could lock it inside now.

But when her eyes curiously glance over to mine, the pressure drops and I feel similarly airy. A fever rushes back to me. The feelings become reciprocal for a glean of a second.

It’s poisoning us both.

This Christmas I watched a girl put a whole strawberry in her mouth. Then she helped me wash the dishes and pack away the Christmas garb on my dining table. For one night I was not angry. I felt fine. I felt fuzzy around her.

She gave me a few new shirts and hid stickers at the bottom of the box because she noticed I had this notebook with me all the time.

I hid one of my old sweaters in between the folds of the dress I bought for her.

In the safety of my house, just before she left, I asked her to come closer when I began thanking her for coming over. I lost focus of what I was intending on doing then leaned over and kissed her forehead before telling her to run along now. It looked like she wanted to reciprocate back but she walked away from my porch with her hand on her head. 

If I was thinking clearly, I may have asked her to be mine instead.

But some things take time, right?

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January 1st, 1988

I wondered where she was last night. I called her up in the morning of the eve, then the afternoon, and later left a message on her machine instead the minute a new year passed. My eyes were always looking for her. She had to be wearing any sort of shade of pink or red. Rose was absent from the crowd of onlookers tonight. Last night I only looked at the display with a solemn emptiness. I figured that maybe Julianne would have preferred a plain sky. When the smoke cleared, I looked up to see her windows shut. Her lights were still on but not even a hint like the sound of my keys prompted her to open them.

But I could feel myself develop a dependence on her presence in an environment ever since. I see flowers spelling her initials or colors I’ve sworn looked out of place in a town dull without eccentricity. And even before anything was finalized, I was asked- “where’s Julianne?” by at least 3 people.

I guess we go in pairs now.

I couldn’t be embarrassed about it anymore. It was my lifestyle now, knocking on their door to come inside the red bricked apartment. It’s like they were almost expecting me, telling me she’s been in her apartment since December 30th. I’ll admit, I began to worry when I got to her front door. I was imagining the poor girl depressed on the floor. But when she opened the door, she just sighed in relief and told me to get inside as soon as possible. She was feeling a bit jumpy, she described staying far, far away from the windows as possible. The sound of firecrackers and fireworks startled the poor kitten. It was not isolation but caution.

Fireworks displays were anxiety inducing to her. She voluntarily hid away from the parade to keep her peace of mind.

“And yet…” Julianne whispered to herself “...people were still looking for me.”

“You’re already such an integral part of the town. People are going to go look for you.” 

“Days ago, I was approached by Guy near his store, and he confidently called me ‘Amy’.”

“But have you heard what they’re calling you, though? Like Pinky. Pinky is a popular nickname now.” I chuckled.

“Pinky…”

“I’m sure they all understand.”

“But were you disappointed I wasn’t there?”

“I guess I was. But you should just tell me fireworks freak you out sometimes..”

She wrapped her arms around me in loving suggestion, almost immediately retracting before resting on my chest fully.

“I heard there’ll be another fireworks show over at the edge of Centerville though… if you want to watch something with me tonight..”

“I’m fine..let’s just stay where we are.”

“Stay…” She echoed back to me, crawling closer and closer.

“You’re so close now, woah, what’s going on?”

“I’m not sure either. Do you?”

She sits herself on my thigh, arms wrapped around my shoulders as she lightly imitates initiation. She couldn’t keep a straight face though.

“Stay and watch the stars with me later.”

I tilted my head in flustered confusion. Sure I will. At least by now the smoke has settled. She slips her glasses off and leans into me, taking the initiation to kiss me first. 

The jumpiness transfers, shaking from her hand to mine to everybody. The burning and the electricity. How shocking. 

She loves me.