#I have a new doctor appointment on Monday and have spent the months leading up pre-scripting conversations in my head | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

thedivinefish · 2 months ago

Text

TGIWednesday: The choice is yours

TGIWednesday News 📰

This whole month is dedicated to education, so in keeping with that, I love this parwiseable! The young student decided to trick his master teacher guide with a ploy to get him to be wrong. The student approached the master with a live butterfly in his fist. 🤜🦋 He planned to ask the master if the butterfly was dead or alive. If the master said, alive, the student would squeeze and kill the butterfly and if the master said the butterfly was dead, the student would open his hand and let the butterfly fly away! The wise master said 🦉, "The answer is in your hands and up to you!" 🤲 If we can give up being so challenging to others, we may learn a whole lot more about ourselves, and our world. 🤔 It's ok to question, and research but even deep down you'll know the limits of good for me, not good for me. It's not uncommon each month for someone to get to minute 29 of a 30 minute session and say, "I just have two more quick questions, What is my life's purpose and should I leave my 30 year marriage?" ❓ And I always ask, "Why did you not open the session with those two questions?" Could I answer them in under a minute? probably, but it usually leads to MORE questions, so I generally run with, "That sounds like a great place to start when we have our next session." 📞 😔 In sad news... We were sorry to hear that one of our fellow healers Tom Paladino passed away. He also lived in Florida about an hour south of us and Sandy spent some time working for him a few years back. Tom specialized in scalar energy and was always very kind and generous to others. He recently had an unexpected and catastrophic event from which he could not recover, and he passed. His wife plans to carry on his healing mission through the fabulous scalar technology. Our deepest sympathies are with his wife and family. We have no doubt that he will be contributing from the other side. 🙏

ON DECK 🚢🎣⚓ 🔱 🧭 ⛵ 📣 Monday September 16th!🎣🎧 💫💸NEW MP3 LAUNCH! Aligning with the Cosmic Financing Flow. An astounding new Audio MP3 different from the others. It's a way of discussing the balance, exchange, alignment and flow of energy and infinite resources at a cosmic level. This entire piece,co-created with Spirit, blends ideas of metaphysics, philosophy, and spiritual traditions. This concept is based upon certain laws and principles that resemble financial transactions or economic principles, but on a grander, cosmic scale. We have multiple testimonials just like this one:

“I am so impressed how Jimmy Mack has zeroed in on yet another facet of abundance in a unique way. Cosmic finance - way past any law of attraction...I listened three times to this very effective revitalization MP3 in the last week..My settlement check of $10,500 finally came through today after a lawsuit since April of 2023!" - Kathryn/PA

Thursday September 26th - If you and your loved ones are in perfect health, then you already have a doctor's ethereal note and no reason to join us for this month's Zoom event dedicated to changing, and improving issues around health! For everyone else, please join us when together our energies will create profound changes. Limited seating, Sign up here!

Feeling extra crunchy and tension filled as you read this now? Reach out and get on my personal calendar today! Session payment and scheduling links are below to make it easy and FAST. 🎣 View Calendar First, Then Pay and Schedule 15 mins | 30 mins | 60 mins | Appointments

TGIWednesday Video Download ▶️

~ BEING LESS CHALLENGING ~ I believe, think, know and feel that a kind word can turn anger away and bring down the intensity of a situation. I am ready, willing and able to be more neutral, take in the viewpoint of both sides and become less judgemental allowing for all points of view. I know, when, where, how and why to be in the energy, frequency and vibration of resolutions, compromises and loving kindness in all situations I am asking in all languages and throughout all timelines and so it is. Know that daily progress could make the rest of your life the best of your life ▶️ Watch here on YouTube - Please Like 👍 and Subscribe 🔔

Monthly LIVE Zoom Event 💻

THURSDAY SEPTEMBER 26, 2024 4:00pm ET | 1:00pm PT | 10:00pm UK Registration fee = $22 30 minutes live | Includes replay access 👉 https://calendly.com/jmh-calls/7w-health-clearings

Call #5 Theme: Health Clearings: For Self/For Loved One/For Other Topic

SUBMISSION INSTRUCTIONS: After registration, Submit your Top 3 words/statements in the format below by Wed. the 25th��to [email protected] Be kind to our editors: please KEEP IT BRIEF :)

1) Health healing for self:

Please heal me from_____

name of illness, disease, disorder, neck, back, eyes, arthritis, ache or pain in my_____. Keep it simple for that one thing, no stories please!!!

2) Health healing for someone I love:

Please heal my____

partner, son, daughter, grandchild, best friend from____headaches, car wreck, or a particular illness, disease or disorder, or abuse)

3) Health healing for a field/topic:

Please heal the health of my____

finances, debt, my car always breaking down, our home always needing repairs. ie: "Let's stop the cycle of................"

Our Clearing the 7 Well-Springs of Life monthly Zoom series has been outstanding! Did you miss one? Purchase the replays below. Call #1 - Body Clearings - Download replay Call #2 - Mind Clearings - Download replay Call #3 - Spiritual Clearings - Download replay Call # 4 - Relationship Clearings Download replay Call # 5 - Health Clearings (Register here) next up... OCT 21st Money, NOV 21st - Work/Job/Career/Purpose

The Fish Market 🎧⬇️

📚🍎10% OFF EDUCATION THEMED AUDIOS, EBOOKS, CERTIFICATIONS & MASTERCLASSES FOR THE MONTH OF SEPTEMBER 🔥 MONTHLY FEATURES 🔥

Since it’s back to school time, we plan on focusing this month on Education. For those that are in any kind of school, this focus will only help you and for those not in any school of any kind right now, just know that you ARE in life’s school so consider your focus to be learning to communicate, finding your voice, and raising your self confidence and all things related to bettering yourself- like fishing!

🏆 Best Sellers

💸 The Prosperity Collection 🧘 The Body, Mind and Spirit Collection 🙂 The Improve Your Life Collection 💻 Access 50+ Videos in the Zoom Replay Collection 🎣 Digital Audio Clearings and Processes: We had a lot of help downloading & channeling these over the years & they keep getting better and we are ALWAYS working on the next one. Don’t forget… you can share these with your immediate friends and family.

Shop Here Now

Visit our Online Training Center 🖥️ "Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach him how to fish and you feed him for a lifetime" - Lao Tzu

All are welcome to CREATE A FREE ACCOUNT to access the NEW and IMPROVED My Liquid Fish Change Made Simple Basic Training Course. 👉10% OFF Anchors Away Masterclass: Sustain and clear and sovereign energetic field of dark energies and anomalies. 👉10% OFF Life Force Energy Masterclass: Enhance your fishing practice by approaching from a deeper, numeric level. 👉10% OFF MLF Mastery & Advanced Practitioner Certification Courses

USE COUPON CODE "SEPT10"

FREE Live Appearances 🎙️

Our friends at You Wealth Revolution are launching their biggest FREE global energy healing event and to kick it off you’ll have a chance to connect to a 528 Hz ‘global field’ of harmony and abundance that will uplift millions of people worldwide!

It’s all part of the WORLDWIDE H.E.A.L.™ Event, a live online ‘quantum’ experience that connects you to Holistic Energies of Abundance and Love. The new Season 28 starts very soon, Get Registered now for FREE!

JOIN HERE FOR FREE

Watch and listen to hundreds of Radio Show replays for FREE here in the archives from the Jimmy Mack Healing Radio show.

https://thejimmymackhealingshow.com/

Fish Food 😇📣

The Daily Bread To Feed The Fish

Tell the Fish - 365 Daily Inspirations and Affirmations - by Jimmy Mack Own this e-book so that you can read inspiration every day!

SEPTEMBER 11TH "Today I will allow spirit to network for me. Any setback I experience will be revived, relived and improved. I will be raised up to bypass any red tape and disappointment by allowing the spirit of all that is to open doors for me when I least expect it by creating winning situations where once there were none."

From the Fish Box 📧

POST-SESSION EMAIL FOLLOW UP

Hi Jimmy, Thank you for your email. I have seen some changes. As a reminder, I had both of my hips replaced recently at the same time. The day after our session I noticed a huge difference in my strength. I felt so much more connected to the titanium than I did prior to our session. My body just feels absolutely amazing. As far as the fears and finances. I also have noticed a slight change in my perspective. Overall, I feel it is much easier to stay positive. I am already taking notes on topics I need help with for our next session. I told my friends about you. One friend purchased your animal clearing and plans to schedule an appt as well. I am practicing the Fishing technique and hope down the road to take your course. You have such a beautiful heart with so much love to give. I am grateful God placed you on my path." - California

**Can't See The Full Email? Click Here to View Online**

Receive 24/7 Prayers from Jimmy🙏

Your name will be added to a special VIP Prayer list where Jimmy will use his intelligent computer software, src4you which runs 24/7, to delete the negative and increase the strength of the positive creating a higher probability of favorable outcomes for you. Looking for a new job? Going through a court proceeding? Upcoming surgery scheduled for you or a loved one? Need help selling or buying a property? Troubled times in your relationship? These are just some of the life at the crossroads events that are ideal for My Daily Prayer program.

30 Days of Daily Prayer (single month) - $99/month This $99 service is for ONE SINGLE MONTH of��30 DAYS ONLY. 👉Click here After the 30 days, you will receive an email from Jimmy and have the opportunity to renew for an additional month plus update your list, but you are under no obligation.

You can add yourself and those living in your immediate household and yes you can include pets! Merely include everyone’s names and Jimmy will add them to his daily prayers.

**NOTE: Most clients save money and choose the auto-renew option listed below so they do not miss a single day of prayers PLUS they take advantage of the cummulative effects of this service over time. Monthly subscription - $95/month on auto-renew

👉 PayPal for subscription Click here

👉 Use Stripe for subscription Click here.

*Anytime prior to your next scheduled payment within the 30 days, you can cancel or pause this service via email request.

---------------------------------

Could you use a private session? Are you feeling extra-crispy? If so, you can now Book Appointments... View Availability First, Then Pay 15 mins | 30 mins | 60 mins

TGIFunny🤣

Forward

Jimmy Mack Transformational Healing of Body, Mind & Spirit, People, Places, Pets & Situations! Appointments | FAQs View Availability First, Then Pay 15 mins | 30 mins | 60 min www.jimmymackhealing.com Free Resources: Learn MLF for FREE | Videos on YouTube | Radio Show Archives Advanced Training: Masterclasses | Mastery and Practitioner Certification Clearing Audio Downloads and eBooks http://www.jimmymackhealingshop.com ©1996-2024 All Rights Reserved.

-------------------------------------------------- TGIW newsletter managed by: Sandy Bidinger Digital Marketing Specialist at SMBeConnected Solutions www.sandybidinger.com

0 notes

divinefishingtips · 2 months ago

Text

TGIWednesday: The choice is yours

TGIWednesday News 📰

TGIWednesday Video Download ▶️

Monthly LIVE Zoom Event 💻

THURSDAY SEPTEMBER 26, 2024 4:00pm ET | 1:00pm PT | 10:00pm UK Registration fee = $22 30 minutes live | Includes replay access 👉 https://calendly.com/jmh-calls/7w-health-clearings

Call #5 Theme: Health Clearings: For Self/For Loved One/For Other Topic

SUBMISSION INSTRUCTIONS: After registration, Submit your Top 3 words/statements in the format below by Wed. the 25th to [email protected] Be kind to our editors: please KEEP IT BRIEF :)

1) Health healing for self:

Please heal me from_____

name of illness, disease, disorder, neck, back, eyes, arthritis, ache or pain in my_____. Keep it simple for that one thing, no stories please!!!

2) Health healing for someone I love:

Please heal my____

partner, son, daughter, grandchild, best friend from____headaches, car wreck, or a particular illness, disease or disorder, or abuse)

3) Health healing for a field/topic:

Please heal the health of my____

finances, debt, my car always breaking down, our home always needing repairs. ie: "Let's stop the cycle of................"

The Fish Market 🎧⬇️

📚🍎10% OFF EDUCATION THEMED AUDIOS, EBOOKS, CERTIFICATIONS & MASTERCLASSES FOR THE MONTH OF SEPTEMBER 🔥 MONTHLY FEATURES 🔥

🏆 Best Sellers

Shop Here Now

Visit our Online Training Center 🖥️ "Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach him how to fish and you feed him for a lifetime" - Lao Tzu

USE COUPON CODE "SEPT10"

FREE Live Appearances 🎙️

JOIN HERE FOR FREE

Watch and listen to hundreds of Radio Show replays for FREE here in the archives from the Jimmy Mack Healing Radio show.

https://thejimmymackhealingshow.com/

Fish Food 😇📣

The Daily Bread To Feed The Fish

Tell the Fish - 365 Daily Inspirations and Affirmations - by Jimmy Mack Own this e-book so that you can read inspiration every day!

From the Fish Box 📧

POST-SESSION EMAIL FOLLOW UP

**Can't See The Full Email? Click Here to View Online**

Receive 24/7 Prayers from Jimmy🙏

30 Days of Daily Prayer (single month) - $99/month This $99 service is for ONE SINGLE MONTH of 30 DAYS ONLY. 👉Click here After the 30 days, you will receive an email from Jimmy and have the opportunity to renew for an additional month plus update your list, but you are under no obligation.

You can add yourself and those living in your immediate household and yes you can include pets! Merely include everyone’s names and Jimmy will add them to his daily prayers.

👉 PayPal for subscription Click here

👉 Use Stripe for subscription Click here.

*Anytime prior to your next scheduled payment within the 30 days, you can cancel or pause this service via email request.

---------------------------------

Could you use a private session? Are you feeling extra-crispy? If so, you can now Book Appointments... View Availability First, Then Pay 15 mins | 30 mins | 60 mins

TGIFunny🤣

Forward

-------------------------------------------------- TGIW newsletter managed by: Sandy Bidinger Digital Marketing Specialist at SMBeConnected Solutions www.sandybidinger.com

0 notes

365dailyaffirmations · 2 months ago

Text

TGIWednesday: The choice is yours

TGIWednesday News 📰

TGIWednesday Video Download ▶️

Monthly LIVE Zoom Event 💻

THURSDAY SEPTEMBER 26, 2024 4:00pm ET | 1:00pm PT | 10:00pm UK Registration fee = $22 30 minutes live | Includes replay access 👉 https://calendly.com/jmh-calls/7w-health-clearings

Call #5 Theme: Health Clearings: For Self/For Loved One/For Other Topic

SUBMISSION INSTRUCTIONS: After registration, Submit your Top 3 words/statements in the format below by Wed. the 25th to [email protected] Be kind to our editors: please KEEP IT BRIEF :)

1) Health healing for self:

Please heal me from_____

name of illness, disease, disorder, neck, back, eyes, arthritis, ache or pain in my_____. Keep it simple for that one thing, no stories please!!!

2) Health healing for someone I love:

Please heal my____

partner, son, daughter, grandchild, best friend from____headaches, car wreck, or a particular illness, disease or disorder, or abuse)

3) Health healing for a field/topic:

Please heal the health of my____

finances, debt, my car always breaking down, our home always needing repairs. ie: "Let's stop the cycle of................"

The Fish Market 🎧⬇️

📚🍎10% OFF EDUCATION THEMED AUDIOS, EBOOKS, CERTIFICATIONS & MASTERCLASSES FOR THE MONTH OF SEPTEMBER 🔥 MONTHLY FEATURES 🔥

🏆 Best Sellers

Shop Here Now

Visit our Online Training Center 🖥️ "Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach him how to fish and you feed him for a lifetime" - Lao Tzu

USE COUPON CODE "SEPT10"

FREE Live Appearances 🎙️

JOIN HERE FOR FREE

Watch and listen to hundreds of Radio Show replays for FREE here in the archives from the Jimmy Mack Healing Radio show.

https://thejimmymackhealingshow.com/

Fish Food 😇📣

The Daily Bread To Feed The Fish

Tell the Fish - 365 Daily Inspirations and Affirmations - by Jimmy Mack Own this e-book so that you can read inspiration every day!

From the Fish Box 📧

POST-SESSION EMAIL FOLLOW UP

**Can't See The Full Email? Click Here to View Online**

Receive 24/7 Prayers from Jimmy🙏

You can add yourself and those living in your immediate household and yes you can include pets! Merely include everyone’s names and Jimmy will add them to his daily prayers.

👉 PayPal for subscription Click here

👉 Use Stripe for subscription Click here.

*Anytime prior to your next scheduled payment within the 30 days, you can cancel or pause this service via email request.

---------------------------------

Could you use a private session? Are you feeling extra-crispy? If so, you can now Book Appointments... View Availability First, Then Pay 15 mins | 30 mins | 60 mins

TGIFunny🤣

Forward

-------------------------------------------------- TGIW newsletter managed by: Sandy Bidinger Digital Marketing Specialist at SMBeConnected Solutions www.sandybidinger.com

0 notes

advancedthetapractitioner · 2 months ago

Text

TGIWednesday: The choice is yours

TGIWednesday News 📰

TGIWednesday Video Download ▶️

Monthly LIVE Zoom Event 💻

THURSDAY SEPTEMBER 26, 2024 4:00pm ET | 1:00pm PT | 10:00pm UK Registration fee = $22 30 minutes live | Includes replay access 👉 https://calendly.com/jmh-calls/7w-health-clearings

Call #5 Theme: Health Clearings: For Self/For Loved One/For Other Topic

SUBMISSION INSTRUCTIONS: After registration, Submit your Top 3 words/statements in the format below by Wed. the 25th to [email protected] Be kind to our editors: please KEEP IT BRIEF :)

1) Health healing for self:

Please heal me from_____

name of illness, disease, disorder, neck, back, eyes, arthritis, ache or pain in my_____. Keep it simple for that one thing, no stories please!!!

2) Health healing for someone I love:

Please heal my____

partner, son, daughter, grandchild, best friend from____headaches, car wreck, or a particular illness, disease or disorder, or abuse)

3) Health healing for a field/topic:

Please heal the health of my____

finances, debt, my car always breaking down, our home always needing repairs. ie: "Let's stop the cycle of................"

The Fish Market 🎧⬇️

📚🍎10% OFF EDUCATION THEMED AUDIOS, EBOOKS, CERTIFICATIONS & MASTERCLASSES FOR THE MONTH OF SEPTEMBER 🔥 MONTHLY FEATURES 🔥

🏆 Best Sellers

Shop Here Now

Visit our Online Training Center 🖥️ "Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach him how to fish and you feed him for a lifetime" - Lao Tzu

USE COUPON CODE "SEPT10"

FREE Live Appearances 🎙️

JOIN HERE FOR FREE

Watch and listen to hundreds of Radio Show replays for FREE here in the archives from the Jimmy Mack Healing Radio show.

https://thejimmymackhealingshow.com/

Fish Food 😇📣

The Daily Bread To Feed The Fish

Tell the Fish - 365 Daily Inspirations and Affirmations - by Jimmy Mack Own this e-book so that you can read inspiration every day!

From the Fish Box 📧

POST-SESSION EMAIL FOLLOW UP

**Can't See The Full Email? Click Here to View Online**

Receive 24/7 Prayers from Jimmy🙏

You can add yourself and those living in your immediate household and yes you can include pets! Merely include everyone’s names and Jimmy will add them to his daily prayers.

👉 PayPal for subscription Click here

👉 Use Stripe for subscription Click here.

*Anytime prior to your next scheduled payment within the 30 days, you can cancel or pause this service via email request.

---------------------------------

Could you use a private session? Are you feeling extra-crispy? If so, you can now Book Appointments... View Availability First, Then Pay 15 mins | 30 mins | 60 mins

TGIFunny🤣

Forward

-------------------------------------------------- TGIW newsletter managed by: Sandy Bidinger Digital Marketing Specialist at SMBeConnected Solutions www.sandybidinger.com

0 notes

unforth · 3 years ago

Text

…okay I don’t think I’m going to manage another prompt fill today, my brain just won’t boot, but I guess that means this is as a good a time as any to explain what the fuck is going on. I’ve already talked about it on like three of my Discord servers but I know I have a lot of mutuals on here who aren’t in any of those servers so.

I’ve been having issues with my back on and off since my mid 20s. I didn’t have insurance then so I didn’t do anything about it, and when I did get insurance at 31 it wasn’t a priority. However, after I had a really bad flare up while I was pregnant with our second kid, it became a higher priority. When I had another flare up and wasn’t pregnant, so I could actually get testing, I went to an ortho urgent care. They did an x ray, said nothing was wrong, and told me I should get painkillers. So I went to my PCP, said I thought I needed an MRI, and they said that would never get approved by insurance and they sent me to PT. That was about 3.5 years ago. I did the PT but since my flare ups never lasted more than 6 weeks, and the PT was a six week course, obviously I was “cured” by the PT, so every time I had a flare up any attempt at care was met with, “go to PT.” And considering that first round of PT 1. Didn’t help and 2. Cost me $750 out of pocket cause insurance didn’t cover it…yeah I didn’t do that. My flare ups got more and more frequent, from once every few years in my 20s, to once every year, to more than once a year. This year, one last winter never fully faded.

By summer I had steady low level pain and stiffness but I could manage through it so I just ignored it. That started intensifying in October, and I thought it was a full new flare by November, except the pain was different than past flares - more intense, more constant, much harder to ignore and work through. It also had a strong radiating sciatic component that was fucking ow. And it got steadily worse. I spoke to my PCP about a month in; she offered PT and I said no. She got me naproxon for pain and baclifen as a muscle relaxer. It didn’t help. She told me if it didn’t fade in six weeks I should call again. Which I did, a few days before Christmas, when it was clear that far from fading, it was getting steadily worse. I couldn’t stand long enough to do the dishes without incapacitating pain; Christmas night I drove my mom home and couldn’t make my foot depress enough to press the brake. That was. Well it’s a good thing moms house is only a few minutes away. I haven’t driven since then cause I have only gotten worse. She referred me to a specialist I chose because of their good reputations and my wife’s knowledge of them,

I talked to the specialist about everything last Thursday, and finally, after four years of me telling any doctor I could that I thought I needed an MRI, I had my first ever MRI on Monday. The specialist also gave me much better meds, which at least have meant I slept; by the night before my appointment I was in so much pain that sleep was literally impossible; I spent the night curled in a ball on the couch playing Minecraft and wishing any position would hurt less cause I was so tired. (I’d hardly slept three other nights that week for similar reasons).

Anyway, yesterday I had my follow up with the specialist to discuss the MRI results and, uh. I guess my first appointment I didn’t do a great job of explaining just how much pain I was in, because she was very much talking about PT and related treatment. After looking at the MRI she said, I’m going to see if the surgeon is available to speak to you literally right now (unfortunately, he wasn’t). She still hedged bets and said the surgeon might not recommend surgery, but after she said that she spent the entire rest of the appointment discussing surgery so. She clearly thinks I need surgery. I have a herniated bulging disc between my L4 and L5 vertebrae which has caused spinal stenosis, which is leading to the pain, tingling, growing weakness, etc. in laymens terms, the disc is all fucked up and it’s pressing on my spinal cord. It’s basically just a matter of time now before I start to risk permanent nerve damage (I’m not there yet but could easily get there). I wasn’t even able to get an appointment with the surgeon yet, because his regular calendar is full for weeks out, and they need to talk to his secretary to see if he can squeeze me in much sooner, but she won’t be back in the office until Monday. In the meantime, she gave me a list of conditions that, should I meet any of them, I should immediately go to the ER, tell them what’s going on, and the surgeon on call would do the surgery instead (the spine folks I saw are part of the hospital, and the four surgeons they have are the four on call surgeons at the ER, and they’re all good, so this isn’t going to get me worse care). She also made it sound like, given staff shortages caused by Covid and scheduling issues also caused by Covid, there was a pretty high chance I’d have to use the ER option.

All of which is to say, I need major surgery on my back and I’ve been in continual pain for about 2 months.

I’m currently on ludicrous amounts of medication, and yesterday she added prednisone to the mix, and that’s what’s just. Completely knocking me out. I was doing okay before that but today I really am just reverting to my natural boneless blob state on the couch…and I’m still in pain and can hardly stand.

I have no idea when my surgery will be, since I could theoretically meet one of the “go right now” criteria at any time. We’ve made what arrangements we can, and will be making more as we’re able, but…yeah. It’s a lot. I’m actually relieved about the surgery itself, since I’ve been dealing with this for so long, and I’ve been so sure I had a herniated disc and that I’d need surgery to fix it, and sure enough I was right, and if they’d listened to me sooner, I might not be in this mess now, but oh well. The surgery has a very high success rate and if I do PT and stuff after odds are I’ll be pain free and back to 100% once I’m through the recovery, so this isn’t a bad thing, I mostly just wish I could fucking get it over with again.

I am. So tired.

(I also can’t sit at my computer literally at all anymore; I’m doing everything from my iPad rn, which is why everything I write is full of typos and weird auto corrects, and I’m sorry.)

(This is also why I’m behind in literally everything I’ve said I’ll do. I’m sorry. I’m trying.)

#unforth rambles #I was going to hold off on this until I knew for 100% sure that I needed surgery #and had it scheduled #but I’m tired and miserable today #so I guess I’m just gonna post it now and throw it into the void

32 notes · View notes

chrisevansszn · 4 years ago

Text

THE BERMUDA TRIANGLE PT 3‼

Word count 1.6k

Chris holds his hand out. You look at it and finally takes his hand. He leads you over to the bed and you both lay down. The moonlight shining in the room is absolute perfection. You and Chris are laying and looking at each other. He reaches over and takes the right side of your face in his hand.

“Tell me everything about you. You have my attention”, he says as he plays with your hair.

This caught you completely off guard, but you can’t say no. You sit up with you hand under your head.

“Where do I start?”

“Your childhood.”, Chris says.

You and Chris talk well into the night….

*phone alarm rings*

You jump up!

“Oh shit! I am going to be late for work!” You begin to throw on your clothes quickly. Chris sits up in bed.

No, you did not just did not only fuck your new coworker but SPENT the night at his house.

Y/N you may have went a smidge too far.

“Do you want a coffee before you go?”, Chris asks.

“Oh no thank you.” You grab your purse and coat and run out the door.

You make it home and change into some work clothes, throw on some make up, and head out the door. As soon as you pull out of the driveway your phone rings, it’s Noah.

“Hello”

“I saw you coming home this morning on the Ring doorbell”

Your heart fucking stopped…..

“Where have you been Y/N”

“Oh, I went out with Carrie for some drinks, and went a little overboard. I….thought it was be wise to just sleep at her place to be safe.”

“You were at Carrie’s?”, Noah asked. He didn’t believe a word I was saying. I had to keep it going.

“Yeah, she called and asked to go to the bar and we just went out and had a great time.”

“Hmmm..ok.”

“How is it at the hospital?” You had to change the subject.

“Busy, it’s nice hearing your voice. Something different. I can’t wait to fly home tomorrow.”

“I can’t wait to see you.”, you lied. “I just pulled up at work Noah. I love you and I’ll talk to you later.”

“Already? Well ok, I love you too”. He hung up the phone.

You weren’t even close to work. You just didn’t want to talk to Noah. You sent Carrie a message letting her know she needs to lie for you. You guys are childhood friends. She doesn’t even ask why, she just does it.

The entire rest of the drive to work you thought about what happened last night. Did you open a door that you weren’t prepared for? Do you want to close this door? Or just continue walking in?

You make it to work and get into your office. You look across the hall and see Chris working. He looks up and makes eye contact you. He raised his eyebrows to you and a smirk.

Oh….you’re walking all the way through the door.

You and Chris’ affair last for months. No one has a clue. You’ve created a flawless system to meet up, and Chris can never come to your home, never. The Ring doorbell duh!

You begin to get a little too comfortable. You and Chris were sneaking off on weekend vacations when Noah was out of state working. You both begin telling each other “I love you and calling each other “baby.”

You knew this was a mess but couldn’t let it go.

You and Chris were facetiming one night before going to bed.

“Y/N….”

“Yeah, babe.”

“I want you to leave Noah….”

You look at your phone complete shocked and frozen.

“Leave Noah?”

“Yes. I love you. I can make you happier. I’m tired of being #2.”, he says so calmly. He just relaying his message. Calm, cool, and collected. You can hear the pain and confusion in his voice.

“Chris…I can’t do that. You knew what this was from the beginning.”

“You’re just going to stay in a marriage that no longer brings you anything?”, he is starting to raise his voice. You sit up.

“Chris! I cannot leave Noah. My family would disown me.”

“Y/N you just can’t fuck a man, tell him you love him all day, and think feelings won’t happen! What about me?”

“Chris, I am not about to argue with you or discuss this.”

You hang up the phone.

FUCK!! THIS IS NOT HAPPENING!

A few days goes by. You and Chris haven’t communicated at all. Noah is home for a couple weeks. He took a vacation because he had too many hours. Marriage life was still the same…extremely boring. You and Noah still had sex, but it was nothing like what you and Chris would do. While having sex with Noah you are basically a pillow princess.

One morning you rolled out of bed and ran immediately to the bathroom. You are being instantly throwing up. You really didn’t think too much about it. Food poising probably. You had taken out last night.

You and Noah go on a weekend vacation to Florida to get some sun. Destin is always the best getaway for you too. You take boat rides in the gulf, parasail, and spend all day on the beach. Defrost from the Boston weather.

While on vacation you get a text from Chris.

“I am so sorry for what I said. I just love you so much and know that I basically can never have you for myself hurts too much. You and I are done Y/N.”

Noah was sitting across from you on the other couch. You had to completely keep it together. The thought of losing Chris absolutely pains you. You get up and walk to the bathroom and cry your eyes out, but you don’t reply.

You and Noah make it back to Boston, and it’s back to regular life. The next morning Noah flies out to Georgia for his next Covid stint.

You and Chris have a case together so completely not communicating with him at all is not an option.

You walk into this office Monday morning.

“Good Morning Chris, we need to discuss the Allen trial, and go through these files.”

“You’re just going to ignore my text?”

FUCK! HERE HE GOES!

“Chris please….”

He stands up and closes the door behind you and closes the blinds.

“Y/N, you are so full of bullshit. You think you can just ignore me like I didn’t matter.”, he’s talking through his teeth. He is pissed.

“You text me and told me you were done with me!”, now you are talking through your teeth.

“You know I didn’t mean that shit. I wanted you to tell me you needed me.”

“You’re asking for too much for me. If you just stayed in your place…”

“Say in my fucking place Y/N…get the fuck out of my office now.”

You and Chris are nose to nose at his point. You take a step back and give him a death look and leave his office. Fuck Chris and this case!!

You get back to your office doing your best to keep from balling. You want to be with Chris, but you can’t. You sit at your desk and you can fill it coming….throw up. You grabbed your trash can just in time!

You sit and think. Could you be pregnant? This cannot be happening right now. You can’t be pregnant! You instantly get lightheaded.

If you ARE pregnant, it could be Noah’s….but Chris could be the father as well because you’ve been having unprotected sex with both.

Y/N what have you gotten yourself into???

On the way home you stop by a CVS and run in to pick up some pregnancy test. You make it home and throw all your work shit on the coffee table. You take the pregnancy test out of the bag and just stare at the box. You finally get the nerve to go to the bathroom to take the best.

You pee on the stick, and now a three-minute wait.

Those three minutes felt like a lifetime. You hear the test beep. You instantly get weak in the knees. You take a breath and pick up the pregnancy test off of the counter.

You’re pregnant.

You instantly begin crying. Do you keep it? Do you have an abortion? Do you call and tell Noah? Do you surprise Noah when he gets home?

What if Chris is the father? Wait…should you set up a doctor’s appointment just to be sure?

These things really are rarely wrong Y/N.

You decide to keep the pregnancy to yourself until you make a decision.

You can’t keep this to yourself, you call up Carrie and tell her, but you don’t go into the details about Chris. Carrie is so excited for you. At least someone is at the moment.

You ask Carrie to keep this to herself and she promises. Carrie tells you some people from work are going to the bar tonight. She knows you can’t join because now you can’t drink. You laugh and tell her to have a good time.

The next day you get up for work with zero energy to do so. “Another day at the office” you think at the elevator reaches the 15th floor. You say good morning to everyone you walk by and you head to your office. You notice that your blinds are already closed which is odd.

As soon as you walk in Chris is standing there waiting on you. He scared you half to death.

“Chris, what the hell are you doing?”

“Are you pregnant? And if so, is it my child?”

Let me know what you think!! 💖

#cevans #chris evans #chris evans fanfiction #chris evans x reader #chris jamal evans #marvel #captain america #defending jacob #andy barber

50 notes · View notes

joshslater · 5 years ago

Text

The Reformatory

A rewrite of jd07201990′s swimmer story. Similar stories and bonus material on my Patreon.

T -1

Dear diary or however you are supposed to start.

So tomorrow is the big day. Dad and I are sleeping at a Holiday Inn at the other side of the state. Well, I'm obviously not sleeping. How could I? So I thought I should start a journal of some sort to document this experience.

Some background. Two months ago I was in a fight with Mark Samberg on the football team. It had gotten pretty bad between the football schmucks and us swimmers. The jockheads were constantly harassing us, calling us fags and prissy boys. It happened often and was getting boring. As the captain of the swim team I asked Mark to knock it off and get his players in line. Idiot as he is he tried to knock me out instead, and I lost it. In our scramble I managed to knock him down and was about to kick him in the shin when he shifted and instead I connected with his knee. Apparently it fractured. He'll be able to walk and even run, but he'll not be able to play again for years, so he lost his Scholarship.

His family sued everyone they could. Me, the school, the swim coach. In the end all the lawyers sat down in a room with a local judge and came up with something they all could agree to. Mark gets some study assistance to get his grades up, the school had this quickly brushed under the carpet, and could pretend I was never student there. Me not graduating wasn’t really a blow, as my college fund now went to pay for Mark’s education, as compensation. They were rich enough to afford it anyway, but they wanted to see punishment. I get the honor to spend the next 180 days at the Lepinski Adolescence Reformation Center, where I will "participate in all scheduled exercises, activities, therapies, meals and medication programs". They can tack on some extra days for bad behavior without going back to the judge, but essentially I get 6 months at bad boy camp for standing up to bullies.

What will I do there? No idea. The website talks a lot about work ethics and responsibility and working together with the local community. Sounds like labor camp to me. I'll guess we'll know tomorrow. But first we have to visit the hospital for a check up. My first day in prison will mostly not be in prison!

Day 1, Monday

We started with a checkup at the hospital, and man did they do a thorough job. Our appointment was at 10, but before that I had to fill out a form with 100 questions. The doctor spent more than 30 minutes doing the most extensive check I've ever had. Not only that, but after the check we had to go to the sample lab to draw blood, and finally I had a CT scan at noon. After that, and a quick lunch, we drove to the actual reformation center, which was in a smaller town 2 hours away.

It's an old boarding school building that they've turned into this "Reformation Center", and it clearly looks more like a prison than a school. Just a heap of two story brick and concrete buildings out in nowhere. Not much of security, but then everyone was there "voluntarily", meaning that we all had a proper punishment waiting for us if we left. I hugged dad goodbye and was shown to Mr. Kerwin’s office by the entrance guard.

Mr. Kerwin was a lean, ripped man in his forties that oozed military discipline. He explained that he was responsible for my rehabilitation and that he wouldn't start soft. He would give me a packed schedule, and if I didn't pull my weight he would add more days for "noncompliance". If I didn't like it I could run back to judge Stephenson and ask to start over in juvie.

Perhaps that would be better, because the schedule he showed me was totally insane.

4:30-5:00 Breakfast 5:00-8:00 Exercise pass 1 8:00-12:00 Work pass 1 12:00-12:30 Lunch 12:30-14:30 School 14:30-17:30 Work pass 2 17:30-18:00 Dinner 18:00-21:00 Exercise pass 2 21:30 Lights out

He explained that my breakfast, lunch and dinner would be pre-portioned and I was required to eat all of it. The exercise passes would be lead by himself or one of the assistants. Again, I would have to follow every instruction. The work passes were done at local businesses that wanted an extra hand, and changed depending on demand. The school passes were done as a group on whatever subject Mr. Reed selected.

Next he ordered me to get naked and place all my clothes on top of my bag and move to the other side of the room. Having done so he pointed at a stack of clothes on the table and told me to pick my size and get dressed. I quickly dressed in one of the track suits from the table. There was a baseball cap also, which confused me, but was told that it was instead of sunglasses when working outdoor.

With that I was given a rule book to study and was led by an assistant to my room where a dinner was waiting. Turkey, rice, water. I was reminded of lights out at 21:30 and wake up at 4:30. The assistant left and locked the door. 10 minutes later he came back with my journal book and pen, and told me that they'll keep the rest for now.

Having eaten the dinner and having three hours (I'm almost sure 21:30 is 9:30 PM) to kill before the lights go out I'm now summarizing the day. I'm sitting in something very similar to a prison cell. Bed, toilet, sink. Everything is clean, though somewhat worn. Looking into the mirror is kind of depressing though. I look like some jailed gang member.

It's kind of weird that I haven't met any of the other inmates, sorry students, here. I saw some of them while coming in, but perhaps this is their kind of hazing, or they do an official presentation tomorrow. Anyway, I should study the rule book and go to bed, since I didn't sleep much last night.

Day 2, Tuesday

So much to write about, so little time. I might have to split this into several entries since lights out is in 20 minutes.

I was awaken at 4:30 and given a tray with a large bowl of porridge and berries and some chalky smoothie or shake or whatever to drink. After that an assistant lead me to the gym room where we went over various machines, mainly for cardio. Elliptical, bike, treadmill. Weird thing was that it was only us two in the room during all three hours.

Sweaty and a bit tired I was then taken outside to a bus where some of the other boys where chilling. Apparently everyone else had breakfast between 7 and 8. They had no idea why I didn't join them there. The bus then drove around town and the driver announced who should exit where. My group of four people exited at a farm before town, only about 5 minutes away. I don't know exactly since I haven't been given my watch back.

There we spent hours just moving hay. Don't they know about tractors? Sweaty, itchy, tired and hungry we were then picked up and driven back. At lunch was the first time I saw the real common area. To my surprise there were more boys there than had been on the bus.

Everyone else could pick what they wanted from what was served, but I was given a ready tray with an heap of salmon and pasta. I was starving though, so it wasn't a problem to eat it all. I didn't have much time to talk, but the guys at my table were nice. Somewhat rough, as could be expected. Apparently you were chosen for the different work assignments, and if you were not picked you stayed at the center for sports or craft or similar things.

After Lunch followed a session with Mr. Reed. The first boring hour was on English grammar and the second boring hour on US geography. I aced the quizz getting all 50 states and state capitols right, so I didn't learn anything new after that. Then Mr. Reed announced who had work assignments, and I was again selected.

This time I and Troy were dropped off at a different farm where we spent almost three hours helping with fencing. Mainly carry posts and sawing them to length.

For dinner I had some meatballs with roasted sweet potatoes while everyone else had meatballs with tomato sauce. Mr. Kerwin picked me up and led me to the gym. Unlike the morning session this was all about weight training. Most of it was on finding my limits for different exercises while Mr. Kerwin pointed out how I could improve my form. You could tell that this was what he liked to do, and encouraged me to push a bit further. Once we were done I had a bottle of post workout mix of some sort and a very quick shower before rushing back to my room.

Here's the thing. My room is on a different floor than the other guys. Also, my schedule appears to be different and much more rigid than the rest of the guys. I also

Day 3, Wednesday

I couldn't finish the last entry before they cut the light. My entire body is in pain right now. I woke up like that, and it didn't go away all day. Same schedule as yesterday, but different tasks and different dishes. The assistant really pushed today during the morning session, so I was exhausted already at the bus. Planting bushes at the city park all morning didn't help. I got some rest during Reeds rehash of elementary math. Then back to doing fences, and top it all off with weight training. I asked Mr. Kerwin about the schedule and why it was so different from everyone else’s. He said that everyone's schedule is individual and that he'll adjust mine as needed.

One more weird thing before I fall to sleep. Everyone else is using their normal clothes. I haven't gotten mine back yet.

Day 4, Thursday

FUCK! I was back on moving hay today again, with Sam, Trevor and Rick. I'm still hurting like hell and Rick is one lazy motherfucker, so old fart Farmer Joe decided to complain. The end result is that I am getting 2 days added for noncompliance. Sam, Trevor and Rick got nothing. WTF!

Day 5, Friday

We were carrying merchandise all morning and Troy heckled me on how I got more days because of the piece of shit Rick. But he then said that it was a weird coincidence that every work shift I've been on has been the toughest one.

Instead of going to class I met with the doctor from the hospital who made a visit. He asked me about how I felt, where I was sore etc. Then he gave me an injection which he said would ease things for me. I didn't feel much different, but I was getting really sleepy getting back to Mr. Reeds class, but it might just be that everything he did was too simple and boring.

Apparently while I had a check up Troy had shared his theory about me being a work magnet, so there were some groans from the guys placed in my group. God damn fence work again.

Man, I'm tired. I was tired even before Mr. Kerwin gave me the toughest weight pass ever. Fuck, I'm tired.

Day 6, Saturday

So the weekend schedule is different. There is still a morning work pass, basically only used by the local farmers. But the afternoon is free both on Saturdays and Sundays. Conditions and terms applies, apparently. Since I haven't done any cleaning or dishes all week (how could I?), I'm assigned washing clothes, sheets etc. Man, how much better it is to carry laundry than hay. Best job assignment all week. Lots of downtime. Only real drawback is all the humidity. It’s steamy AF here.

Still fucking 3h workout pass in the morning and evening. The other boys were pretty vocal in mocking me on my way to the gym.

Day 7, Sunday

So the day started out as any other so far. Woke up sore. Breakfast alone and 3 hour gym session. There are no work passes outside LARC on Sundays, so I was hit with cleaning, together with Kyle G. and Rick. Rick ghosted after like three minutes, but KG did a solid work. It took us all the time til lunch though to finish it.

Then my first free couple of hours all week. It’s insane. The other guys were low key avoiding me, so I did what Mr. Kerwin had suggested and had a walk in the forest. It was actually kind of nice, and for some weird reason I didn’t feel like sitting still.

Day 8, Monday

Same shit again. Mr. Kerwin gave me a shot in the arm this evening. Apparently I’ll have one each Monday from now on. Whatever.

Also I found out today that the others don’t have formal lights out. I’m on my own floor so they can lock me up and cut the power. What the fuck?

Day 9, Tuesday

That fucker Rick slacked off again, taunting me about another two days. Ha! I got 10. Mostly for kicking him in the teeth. They locked me in my room, so I had lunch there and sat in this boring ass cell during class and work. Fuck, I don’t know what’s worse. I had to do some body weight exercises to keep sane. Fuck this shit.

Back again. I still got to have my evening workout. Kerwin was pushing harder than ever. The order of exercises was different too. Apparently to make the major muscles tired so smaller muscle groups then get to work. Or something. I don’t give a shit.

Day 11, Thursday

They fucking work now, don’t they the little shits. They know I ruined someones career to get here and another one for slacking off. They better pull there weight

Day 14, Sunday

I think I’ll stick to just write on Sundays. There is only half an hour from evening gym to lights out, so there isn’t much time for writing. I’ve even skipped shower a few times. It’s not like it matters when you start every fucking day getting soaked with cardio. Not like there are any girls around to impress either. Sunday has a different vibe tho. Cleaning, running in the forest and taking a long shower.

Starts and ends with fucking gym time though.

Day 21, Sunday

I really fucking like the forest runs. Its like you don’t have to think and can just run wherever and grab whatever and smash whatever. Fucking love it

Day 28, Sunday

Yay! A full fucking month!

It’s crazy though how much stronger I’m. I have gone up one size larger track suite and 2 sizes larger sneakers. Working hard to make me the best I guess.

Day 42, Sunday

guess i forgot about writing last week. i think the monday shots make me angry or something because last week fucked up someone else on tuesday. at least they all give me fucking respect at least.

Day 92, Monday

i dont give a shit abot reeds borin ass lessons and they fuckin repeat on a loop or some shit. today he was back on gramr and the states. i most time dont fill out his shit but wanted to do it again today. fucking aced most of the states. not so good on the capitols tho

Day 203, Sunday

only 2 weeks left tomorrow lol then im gonna yeet the fuck outta here !!!! adios motherfuckas

Mr. Kerwin enters the room, carrying a folder, and walks behind his desk, not even looking at me. I am sitting in his precious fucking antique chair I pulled from the corner. He’s sitting his ass down, rifles through the papers in the folder and starts to read from one of them.

“John Hamlin agrees to 180 days of rehabilitation training at the Lepinski Adolescence Reformation Center, where he will participate in all scheduled exercises, activities, therapies, meals and medication programs, with a possible extension of 30 days for noncompliance and a possible extension of 60 days for infractions as described by the Juvenile Rehabilitation Act (JuRA), section 1103 (b).”

He looks up at me. It sounded like easy shit when I said yes to it. I thought half a year in a bad boy summer camp, or worst case something like prison, but that would have been miles better than this fucking non-stop hard labor shit. And 180 days was a fucking joke. They never fucking intended that to be the actual time. Have someone else slack off and the slap another 2 days to the time. Kick a chair to pieces, 5 days. Punch a guy for being a cunt, 10 days. I’m close to having another fucking outburst again. It must be all that fucking shit they put in the food or shakes or whatever. I fight it. I don’t want to show any emotion in front of him. I don’t think he buys my shit.

“There is another document in the agreement that you haven’t heard. This one between Mark and judge Andrews.”

He pulls out another paper from the folder and read it.

“The state hereby directs Mark Samberg, or person(s) by him so designated, to design and oversee the rehabilitation program of John Hamlin to be administrated at the Lepinski Adolescence Reformation Center. This includes physical exercises, physical therapy, education, consoling, dietary plan and medication, as long as it fulfills the positive development criteria (Appendix D), is within the available services at the Lepinski Adolescence Reformation Center (Appendix A) and within the given budget (Appendix C). Additional services require external financing and approval from the Reformation Center management (Appendix B).”

That doesn’t make any fucking sense. Why the hell had the judge put Mark in charge of my schedule? I understand why he’d want to make the experience suck as much as fucking possible for me, by why had everyone agreed to it? Kerwin looks at me as if he can read an open book.

“You are wondering what has happened to you. What was the meaning of all this? Stand up.”

I jump to my feet. There are still weeks he can add to my time here, and I don’t want to give him any fucking reason to add some shit.

“Stand with your feet as close together as you can.”

He’s never asked me to do that before. I can easily tap me feet together, but I can’t really stand still with my feet right next to each other for long. What the fuck is this bullshit? My thighs are too massive for that.

“Sit down again.”

He leans back and watches me with a bemused smirk.

“Imagine that you’d been away from swimming half a year. Even if you kept in shape it would take you months to be back in good enough technique to clear the swim team tryouts. But you have not kept in shape, have you? You have a completely new shape.”

The blood is draining from my face. I understand where this is going.

“With your upper body build you can physically really only do butterfly strokes properly, but if you can’t bring your feet together the leg kick will just be a wild thrashing of water. You swimming medley would be a hilarious joke. We haven’t even talked about you almost doubling in weight, and how much more oxygen you would need to swim. Sure, you are much stronger now, but old you would swim circles around new you. And that is of course the point. If Mark couldn’t have his sports career, he didn’t want you to have yours either. And the judge agreed.”

I’m surprised that the chair doesn’t break, as hard as I’m squeezing it. I’m boiling with fucking rage. I have to really focus to not to act on it.

“Now the judge specifically set out that this transformation couldn’t be punishment in itself, but rather that you were trained in a way that just wasn’t optimal for swimming. We may have gone a bit overboard with the body building to leave you many options though. You’ll obviously never be competitive in anything with speed or agility, like football or boxing. The metabolic conditioning, hormone treatment and gene therapy have far to long lasting effects to change you back from where you are now. You could try wrestling or weight lifting though, unless you mind showing your erection through spandex.”

“What the fuck?”, I said, as much as a general question to all the things he’d said. What does metabolic conditioning mean? Gene therapy? Erections?

“The medical regimen that Marks family found for you kind of put the feet on both the gas and the break at the same time. It forces the body to grow a lot at the same time as we try to stop it, so it has to try even harder. By injecting stem cells with the right CRISPR-modified DNA we could get rapid, major and long lasting changes. Well, I say we, but all I did was to make sure you kept to the exercise regimen, for a little cash on the side… Surely you didn’t think you got larger feet and dick from eating much and working hard?”

I don’t understand exactly what they done to me, but the result is pretty fucking clear. There was no way I would swim competitively ever again, if I could even fucking swim at all now. I would come out of here looking like a fucking balloon animal muscle jock, and shedding the muscles back to where I were would take shitloads of years.

“The hormone treatment finished two weeks ago and last blood sample shows that your natural hormone levels will keep you muscled and pumped probably well into your forties. So this morning I also cut you off from all suppressive medication as well. That is going to spike your hormone levels and mess quite a bit with you, so we need to see just how badly fucked up you are before we can release you.”

“The good doctor say that you’ll be more irritable and have more excess energy than before. Both something you can work on with regular, hard exercise. But I want to see where you really are at now, so starting today you’ll have no required gym time and labor passes. You can wake up when you want, eat what you want and do what you want.”

“You said erections?”, I asked.

“Yeah, the suppression medication should have kept you limp. You haven’t jacked off while here, have you? Well, you heard what I said about gas and break and compensation. Your body has been pumping massive amounts of hormones into your blood, and will continue to do so. But now that you don’t have the suppressives anymore you should expect to be horny for the next decade or two. You’ll be nothing but a lumbering muscle dildo.”

There’s a crack somewhere inside the wood of the armrest. Fucking fourteen more days, I have to remind myself. Don’t fuck any shit up before then. If I let go of the chair I’m quite positive I will knock him the fuck out. Fourteen fucking more shit days.

282 notes · View notes

beyondconfessor · 4 years ago

Text

Principle Decisions [4/24]

Rating: Explicit

Pairing: Lilith/Zelda Spellman

Summary: “Ask me nicely,” she whispered, her hand coming to brush across Zelda’s cheek. “Ask me to do unspeakable things to you.”

N.B.: Also posted on AO3. This is pure fantasy, please suspend your disbelief.

“Professor Spellman?” Prudence asked as she knocked on the doorframe to her work office. “I booked an appointment for eleven?”

Zelda nodded and gestured to the chair in front of her. Prudence stepped forward into the room, moving to sit in the seat before the desk, setting her bag down beside her. She waited until Zelda paled down her pen before she sat laced her hands together and leant forward in the chair, seeming to be agitated by something.

“What can I help with you, Prudence?”

“I was hoping you might have a TA position available.”

Zelda frowned. Despite her best attempts, the Department Head had been unwilling to provide her with the required funding. “Nothing paid,” she advised.

“I don’t need a paid position,” Prudence said, though Zelda could see her deflate over the response. “There’s an opportunity next year to go to Greece, expenses paid with Professor Blackwood, but you need to have some TA experience before you can obtain the position.”

Zelda nodded, familiar with the program. “I can give you a recommendation and place in a good word with Professor Blackwood if that’s what you after from this?”

“It is,” Prudence advise. There was a keen look about her and Zelda softened.

“Well, I could use the extra hands. It would be after hours, on top of your own workload, and I’d still expect you to be pulling the same marks you are now. If I don’t think you can handle it, I’ll cease your involvement immediately.”

Prudence nodded. “I can handle it,” she assured.

“In that case,” Zelda reached into the depth of her desk, pulling out a familiar sheet she had, back when Language had funding from the university, “here, fill this in and you can come back to me tomorrow.”

Prudence brightened, reaching out. “Thank you, Professor. It’s most appreciated.”

Zelda nodded, handing the slip of paper over and watched as Prudence took her bag and left, looking pleased with herself. The position Prudence required for the following year would be fully funded if she continued to keep her marks high. Zelda wasn’t sure why she wanted the position. Although Prudence showed an aptitude for language, the study its self was based around anthropological––Faustus’ domain.

Perhaps it was just for the thrill of going to Greece and having her expenses paid. If that was the case, Zelda could hardly fault Prudence. She, herself, had gone across most of the continents to complete her doctorate, whilst simultaneously engaging in the cultures far more than a PhD required.

If she was honest with herself, she missed travelling, seeing new people, slipping into bed with a new paramour or two. Once Sabrina was in college, she might consider travelling again. Wander through the middle east and return to the northern Africa countries, or perhaps try somewhere she hadn’t gone.

“Zelda,” a knock sounded at her door. Zelda capped her pen and looked up. Prudence had been a planned interruption, but Faustus was another thing entirely. Perhaps he’d sensed her thoughts.

“Yes?” she asked, smiling tightly as he stepped into the room.

“Shirley has gone on unexpected leave for a few weeks. I understand a family member is in palliative care and she’s been advised to spend time with them before their passing.” He paused there as if to allow her a chance to speak some sympathetic nonsense, but the truth was it was for Shirley, so she didn’t care what the woman was feeling. Zelda tilted her head, waiting for him to continue speaking.

In the lack of a response, Faustus coughed, clearing his throat awkwardly.“I need you to cover her classes.”

Zelda’s eyes narrowed. “Their religious studies,” she advised.

“You double-majored in language and religion,” Faustus pointed out. “Wasn’t your most recent article on the original Hebrew texts in the context of its time?”

That was an oversimplification of what her last article had been about, it’d been about a specific passage, first and foremost, and had been about the evolution of language––but she didn’t articulate that, instead of drawing back in her seat to stare at Faustus. She was proficient in religious studies, but it wasn’t an area she enjoyed teaching in just as Shirley preferred religion and didn’t enjoy languages despite completing her associates on one of the romantic languages.

“Is there no one else?” she asked. “I already have a full schedule with my office hours.”

“I’ve checked your roster, and you have room on Monday and Friday. You don’t need to change your office hours.”

No, but she used those days for marking, as well as other administrative work. Perhaps it was beneficial that Prudence had reached out.

“How long is it for?” she asked.

“Six weeks at most.”

Six weeks, Zelda bit her tongue to stop from snapping back. “I’ll need funding for a TA until she returns then.”

Faustus’ mouth parted before he nodded. “I can find some funding.”

There, Zelda relaxed. Well, that would at least be helpful towards Prudence. If the girl was working, she might be able to ease her external shifts to help with the overflow and marking. “Thank you, Faustus. Send over what you have from Shirley, and I’ll compose a lesson plan for next week.”

“I…need you to start this Friday.”

Zelda felt her a tension return to her as she stared down at the grain in her desk, biting back any sharp comment.

She’d booked an appointment on Sunday for her Doctor’s appointment––mostly because she was overdue––but in part, if she was honest, she was intrigued as to what Lilith had to offer.

Since the Saturday, she’d been more relaxed than ever, and now she could feel that frustration returning, like an itch under her skin she couldn’t quite scratch. She wanted to scream or yell or just do something, but she couldn’t.

So she smiled at Faustus, and agreed to take on a class that she needed to prep for with only four days notice, and tried to remind herself that all of this would eventually lead to further career progression.

Besides, if she managed to take over the class and show them what a proper education looked like, she might find as well that Shirley was suddenly out of a job, leaving her and other competent academics to teach the up and coming minds of Greendale University.

“Thank you, Zelda,” Faustus said with a nod, before leaving. He left her office door wide open, and once Zelda was sure his footsteps had receded down the hall, she rose to her feet and closed the door behind him before returning to her seat.

Her nails drummed on the desk, as she rolled her shoulders and neck, trying not to remember how the sting of the crop had felt against her skin. She didn’t want to book another appointment, especially not one so soon, and especially not after running into that woman in the grocery store.

No, she needed to wait.

She reached into her drawer and picked out her cigarettes. Standing up, she walked over to the office window and inched it open. Lighting the cigarette, she stood by the window sill and blew out gusts of smoke outside watching it curl away into the air.

Six weeks wasn’t that long. A month and two weeks. She could handle the pressure of looking after that many classes, despite the headache it would inevitably cause.

And yet Friday came faster than she expected. Prudence eagerly took to the position of TA (and was all the more pleased when Zelda mentioned she managed to find some funding to help) providing Zelda with some time actually to work on the lesson plan. It meant she spent long nights in the office and had to miss out on attending Sabrina’s first cheerleading stint for football or basketball or whatever game she was cheerleading for, but that was a small sacrifice.

She promised her niece that she would attend the charity event in a fortnight, finding time in the workday to make it over to the school.

Besides, she could still attend her pep rally (whenever that was), and there would be other high school games of school sport she could attend and watch her niece cheerlead for. What was one game?

The lesson was a second-year subject, and the information Faustus had managed to send over was difficult to understand. Although there was a general framework of what they were studying, Zelda had no idea as to the messages Shirley was trying to convey or discuss with the class.

So when it came time for Zelda to attend, there was an anxious knot in her stomach. She’d prepped the best she could, but it would be up to the class to let her know where they were up to.

“Good Morning,” she said as she walked into the classroom. On the whiteboard, she wrote her name as Professor Spellman, before setting her lesson plan on the stand and looked over the class. There were far more students than Zelda expected, many of them she’d never seen before.

Shirley’s class was more popular than she realised.

“I’ll be taking over Professor Jackson’s role while she’s on leave. Can anyone tell me as to where you last left off?”

A few students explained to where they were, and Zelda felt her chest ease and knot differently. The students listened, they were aware of where they were up to, but furthermore, they were invested in the coursework.

She left the class satisfied that she’d managed to express what Shirley intended, bringing across her own influence, but also left with a sour taste in her mouth.

Should she think on it any further, she might find herself scratching at the idea until she made herself raw with deep-seated feelings she’d long left ago in her childhood.

It couldn’t be that Shirley Jackson was a better teacher than herself? It had to be that the nature of the course that religion drew in more subjects than language did (especially at Greendale University, which, although known for having its merits was not known to be the best or worst by any means).

Zelda felt her frustration grow. A solemn ache growing in her chest––could it be that she was the reason her third-year classes were skeletal at the best of times?

Perhaps she had done the wrong thing? Pushed when she should have nurtured––not that she could see Shirley being nurturing by any means, but…she must be doing something right if her classes were as full as they were.

Zelda seethed quietly, feeling the jealousy gnaw at her as she returned to her office and collected her work for the evening. Sabrina had already informed her that Harvey would be dropping her off home, so there was no need to wait for her niece to arrive. Her office hours were finished. The only reason she’d want to stay was to build a quiet time for herself, away from the bustling of Hilda in the kitchen or Ambrose rumbling through whatever music he wanted whilst he remained up in the attic.

Pausing as she set her work into her bag, she realised that home was not something she wanted either. Her body ached and itched, as nervous energy pulling under her skin.

But she didn’t want to call Lilith.

No, that wasn’t true. She desperately wanted to call and see if Lilith had availability, she just wished she didn’t want it. The last thing she desired was coming off…needy.

But…it was a service like any other, and should Zelda had found relief from a spa, she would not feel so conflicted about calling to book in a new appointment.

Zelda had spent the last few evenings trying to avoid thinking about the woman, and yet every masturbation ended up inevitably daydreaming about the woman’s riding crop on her back, her hand splayed over her chest, the idea of running into her and having the woman shover her against the next available surface and––

Someone walked past her office door, shoes clicking on the polished floor.

She cleared her throat, a blush rising over her chest and face as if her thoughts were too loud and that someone could overhear them––entirely ridiculous, and yet she stuffed the thoughts away.

Sex. She just needed sex. Casual sex, no strings attached. She flicked through the contacts in her head, trying to think of someone, but all of her ex-paramours she trusted for casual sex were now monogamous or out of state (and in some instances, out of the country).

It’d been two years. Surely she could get a handle of herself and push her needs away, focus on her article or at the very least, get a head-on lesson planning. There was more than one vibrator home should she really need to scratch an itch.

Zelda packed her bags, planning to return home to her office to work on her article. She had every intention of going home, completing tasks that needed to get done, and then having a sit-down meal with her family.

It was a good plan.

She definitely wasn’t thinking about Lilith.

She walked to her car, bag in hand, certain that if she just managed to get into the car, she’d be able to drive out of the parking lot, onto the main road and make her way back home. But evidently not, because as soon as she was in her car, her phone was out in hand and she was dialling a number that she had no right in knowing so well.

“Good Afternoon,” Lilith said. Too late, Zelda realised she’d dialled from her personal phone, and now the woman likely had her number.

If she hung-up, Lilith could just call back and even if she didn’t answer, her voicemail clearly dictated who she was. “Good evening,” Zelda responded before the woman could clip a follow-up response.

“Zelda,” the woman purred. “I thought it was you.”

“And why would you think that?”

“You’ve been on my mind,” she responded. “How can I be of service?”

Zelda drew in a breath. “I––“ she began and then because she’d begun she had to finish, “was looking to enquire into your services. Again.”

“Mm. And which services are you after?”

Not this again, Zelda thought as she rolled her eyes up to the ceiling of the car. “The same services.”

“You’ll have to refresh my memory,” Lilith teased, and Zelda’s grip on her phone tightened.

Drawing in a breath, she found her eyes flicking around the car, to the rearview and side mirrors before she said. “Dominatrix services.”

“I’m going to need you to be more specific. Many things fall under that particular umbrella.”

“Honestly,” Zelda clipped, seriously considering clicking off the device before the woman’s warm laugh poured through the speaker. “If you insist on needlessly teasing me––“

“You’re in luck. I have a spot free in about two hours if that suits?”

Zelda paused. It seemed too good to be true. And yet…the ache filled her. She wanted it more than she wanted anything else at that moment.

“It does,” she agreed.

“I look forward to seeing you. Have a think about how long you want the session to run. I have a few ideas of what we can do.” And then the phone clicked off, and Zelda was left with the words swimming around her head.

A few ideas. What on earth could that mean?

Zelda closed her eyes and sunk in the seat, biting her lip. Her gynaecologist appointment wasn’t until tomorrow and results would likely not occur for another week. Yet, the idea of even just experiencing the impact of that crop again brought a shiver down her spine.

She went home, showered and changed into a new set of lingerie before fixing her make-up again. And then she was making a passing excuse about forgetting something in the office before she was leaving again, advising Hilda to set her dinner aside.

She was fifteen minutes early, sitting in her car, her hands gripping the steering wheel as she tried to understand just how she got to this stage.

She was outside of a dominatrix’s business address, dressed in lingerie and a new dress, with more effort into how she looked than when she went into the actual office. Was this her life now? Finding herself driving out into the middle of nowhere to get spanked?

Apparently so, because as she fixed her lipstick in the rearview mirror, there was a telltale sign of a blush rushing across her cheeks.

She grabbed her handbag and exited the car, locking it behind her as she walked up to the apartment and rang the doorbell.

And then there was silence as she counted her heartbeat for five seconds before she heard the sound of Lilith’s heels on the hardwood floor of the hallway.

A shadow moved behind the door and then it opened, revealing the grinning dominatrix. Her hair was out again, though it looked recently tussled like she’d ran her fingers through it before opening the door.

Zelda drew in a breath, feeling herself battle between shrinking away and pushing forward to assert her own dominance.

And then Lilith was leaning against the doorframe, eyebrow cocked as she waited for Zelda to break the growing silence between them––just as she had at the grocers. Damn her.

“Evening,” Zelda clipped.

“Evening,” Lilith teased in return, unmoving as her eyes raked over her body, a slow, noticeable breath pulling into her lungs as if she couldn’t wait to devour her.

Zelda felt as if the air warmed around them. “Well?”

“Hmm?” Lilith said, eyes flicking back up to Zelda’s.

“Are you going to let me in or should I recall some password?”

“Ohh, I like the idea of a secret password. What do you think it is?”

Annoyance flared in her as she crossed her arms, having half a mind to turn on her heel and leave, but before she could even threaten that option, Lilith laughed, pushing off the door frame and stepped out of the way to allow her entrance.

Zelda gave an icy glare, ensuring the woman saw how unimpressed she was as she stepped inside and removed her coat. It warm inside, and already she felt overdressed.

Lilith stepped closer, and Zelda held her ground, refusing to give in to the urge to step away. And then she felt the woman reach behind her and shut the door. “You look well,” Lilith commented. “Less…frightened.”

Zelda felt a flare of anger grow inside of her. “I beg your pardon. I was not frightened.”

“At the grocers you were. I could have said boo, and you would have run away screaming…or maybe just melt in a puddle on the floor,” she added, her eyes intensely focusing on Zelda’s mouth as she spoke. “Difficult to say.”

Zelda felt a strangled breath jump in her throat before she looked away, resisting the urge to cough awkwardly.

“Have anything for me?” Lilith enquired, as she stepped forward again. This time, Zelda did take a step back, knowing exactly what she was asking.

“I––have an appointment tomorrow,” she admitted.

Lilith’s grin widened. “You won’t regret it, and personally I can say that I’m looking forward to it,” and then she was stepping back and suddenly Zelda was following her upstairs, into the bedroom.

The bedroom door was shut behind her, the ottoman bench was opened, the phone was switched off, bag and coat went inside, and then Lilith was staring at her as the lid was flicked down.

“Do you know what you want?”

Zelda felt her heart pound in her chest. She didn’t know exactly what she wanted. She wanted last time, but she wanted it to be different. She wanted to forget about the world and yet feel alive. “I trust you,” she said instead.

Lilith nodded, seeming to hold back from teasing her. “I have an idea.”

“Do you now?” Zelda asked, curious as to what the woman could possibly be thinking.

“I’ve been thinking about you,” Lilith said as she walked over to her dresser and opened it up. “I think I know exactly what you want.”

Anyone else, and Zelda would have rolled her eyes, but as she watched the woman draw out two lengths of rope and a blindfold, she found herself only further intrigued. This time, Lilith didn’t set it on the bed; instead, she dropped the items in the centre of the room, before nudging them with her heel, so they rested where she wanted it.

Zelda stared at the items, looking to the wardrobe and finding herself both relieved and disappointed to note there was nothing from there on the floor.

“Take off your dress,” Lilith said.

Zelda obeyed, unzipping underneath her arm and then rolling it down her waist to the floor where she stepped out of it. Lilith looked her over, taking note of the stockings, to where her eyes held where the hemline of the silk was.

“That one is to come off too,” she said, pointing to the slip.

Zelda felt something quiver, low in her belly as she reached down and lifted the slip off. When she dropped that to the ground as well, she watched as Lilith’s face broke out in a wide smile, seeming to admire her choice in lingerie.

“This one involves more patience,” Lilith advised. “Put your clothes away, heels too, and then we’ll begin.”

Zelda bit her inner cheek, hating how the woman made her feel like a child as she picked her clothes up off the floor and set them nicely in the ottoman, her heels placed inside of her handbag before she came to stand before Lilith.

“Do you remember your safe word from last time?”

“I do.”

“What is it?”

“Music box,” Zelda said, feeling ridiculous as she said it. But as Lilith mentioned last time, the point of the word was to be jarring, so that both of them knew that it needed to end.

“I’m going to tie you up, and then we’ll see where you’re at when you’re tied up, and if you’re still comfortable, I’m going to blindfold you.”

“And then what?” Zelda asked.

“And then we’ll see how badly you want it.”

Want what, Zelda wanted to ask, but she nodded to show she understood. Lilith grinned and then pointed to the floor, her expression sharpened, as with condescension in her voice, she ordered, “On your knees." Zelda felt the command slip over her as she pressed onto her knees, feeling the hardwood floor press against her legs.

She watched then as Lilith drew a short wooden stool over and set it down before her, before she sat upon it and crossed her legs, looking far more elegant than she had any right to.

“If you ever want to learn to do this, I can run a workshop,” Lilith said as held a hand out. Zelda placed the back of hand into her palm and watched as the length of red rope was tossed over one wrist. “When I lived in New York, I used to run a workshop with a few others like me.” She held her hand out again, and Zelda provided it. “I’ve been doing rope since I was…oh, a young girl, I suppose.”

“Am I not meant to speak?” Zelda asked, confused as to what game they were playing.

“You can speak,” Lilith nodded. “We’re just setting up, first,” she grinned just as she made a knot. “You’ll know when we’ve begun playing.”

Lilith wove a pattern over her arms, like a spiderweb slipping up her arms, and Zelda listened as she spoke about the different knots she was tied, as well as the different safety precautions she placing in so that at any stage if Zelda wanted to slip out, she could.

It was fascinating in its own right, and Zelda enjoyed watching the complicated knots made and adjusted as if Lilith had been doing them her whole life––which, in a sense, she had. At least for thirty years, she’d been tying up herself and others, just because she liked the look of the knots she could make.

“Are we doing this because of the last session?” Zelda asked, watching as Lilith began drawing the rope over her waist. What she was trying to ask in as few words as possible was, are we not doing impact play because of what occurred.

“Not for the reasons you think,” Lilith said. “You were relaxed when I tied you up. Most people get somewhat panicked at being unable to move, but you seemed entirely at ease.” Her fingers were brushing over her stomach as she spoke, slipping and weaving the rope as one end of it dangle into her lap. “I thought I might indulge the rope bunny in you.”

And then Lilith’s eyes were returning to the rope, her fingers dragging along her skin, the back of her knuckles sliding over her ribs. Zelda drew in a breath, trying to focus on the feeling of the rope against her skin.

“Turn around.”

Zelda moved onto her knees until her back was to Lilith, and felt as the woman drew her hair over her shoulder, before resuming the pattern. Zelda tried to resist the shiver that shot down her spin as Lilith’s hands drew over her, moulding the rope into place.

“So you’ve indulged in ropes from the beginning,” Zelda said in an effort to find a semblance of control. “But what about everything else?”

“You’ll have to be specific,” Lilith said. She paused, and Zelda could feel her hands, just below the band of her bra, she could easily undo it if she wanted to and there was nothing Zelda could to do stop her.

The thought struck through like a rush.

“When did you decide to be a dominatrix?”

Lilith hummed. “It’s not as interesting as you think,” she said, her fingers resuming to shift and adjust, slipping the rope through loops, twisting it around its self. “Girl met boy, boy wanted to try things with girl, girl was much better at it than boy, boy became sulky, so girl left. Tale as old as time its self,” she finished.

Zelda scoffed. “Sounds like most men.”

“Oh yes,” Lilith said and then suddenly Zelda felt a breath brush over her shoulder, a nail drawing over the skin. “Don’t worry, if you take an interest in domination, I’ll be very excited to play with you. I’m very good on my knees.”

Zelda closed her eyes, feeling a heat press through her. She was starting to get an idea as to what Lilith was getting at before.

“There,” Lilith said, and suddenly Zelda felt a kiss press to the back of her shoulder as the woman’s hands dropped away. “Now lie on your back.”

Zelda shifted as much as she could, and then felt Lilith’s hand on her, helping her to ease down on the ground. The woman rose, taking her stool with her and then sat it down by Zelda’s feet as unravelled the second piece of rope. “You’re not done?” Zelda asked.

“I told you, this is about patience. Don’t worry. There will be plenty of time to play with whatever toy you want.”

Zelda looked away, wondering what that meant, and then watched as the woman lifted her foot and began tying it.

In the state of undress, tied up, watching the woman lift one leg to drag it into her lap and focus her attention on it entirely had Zelda’s thoughts reeling in fantasies. The woman was quick with her fingers this time, binding her ankles together.

Except she didn’t stop there.

The rope began slipping up her leg, binding like a fishnet up her right leg, slipping over calves and thighs in loops, and then Zelda had to look away as she felt the woman slip the rope over the highest part of her thigh, a wicked smile on her face.

“There are certain knots you can tie,” Lilith said, while tying a knot on her inner thigh, “That can induce arousal as the occupant squirms in their bindings.”

“I’m aware,” Zelda said, her voice heavy with desire she didn’t mean to carry. “Is that what you’re doing?”

“I can, if you want,” Lilith said, “I can do it so you’ll have no relief from it, too.”

Zelda bit her lip, imaging herself bound and squirming, feeling the rope between her legs rub, but provide nothing but a tease. “And how much would you need to change for either of those?”

“To make you squirm I’d need to adjust it, but I could get you off as it is.”

Zelda laughed. “I’m sure you could with how quick your hands work.”

“Oh, no. You misunderstand, I could make you come without my hands ever touching your vagina.”

Zelda's eyebrows shot up high in disbelief. Lilith may think herself talented, but it took more than well-placed rope to get her climbing to ecstasy.

Lilith’s eyes seemed to catch her, a smirk growing on her face. “That looks like a challenge.”

“You can certainly try, but it won’t work.”

“Is that so?” Lilith asked, and then she was gently placing Zelda’s legs down to the ground. Zelda looked down, noticing that only one leg had the rope go all the way up, whereas the other was only bound at the ankle.

The rope that went around her high thigh was knotted in a way that if she were to twist, possibly she could rub herself against it, but that wasn’t something she planned on doing. She looked up, quirking her eyebrow at the woman as if to ask, is this your worst?

But Lilith only smiled down at her. “If you’d like, I can take a photo. I have a polaroid camera.”

“Absolutely not,” Zelda stated. Like hell, she would allow a picture of herself to be taken.

“I wouldn’t have your face in frame, just the ropes.”

“No,” Zelda said, before adding shortly, “Thank you.”

Lilith seemed to take no offence to it, clearly too pleased by her work as she drew her eyes over Zelda’s body. “All the things I could do to you,” she said, drawing her eyes from head to feet. “And you’d just be begging for me not to stop.”

It was a threat, and yet Zelda felt it tremble through her, a longing pulling at the idea of being at the complete mercy of the woman. She hadn’t done anything, hadn’t so much as kissed her, and yet Zelda yearned to feel her fingers press against her body.

“You won’t though,” Zelda said. “I haven’t provided you with the test results.”

Lilith grinned. “There are a lot of things I could do to you that doesn’t involve taking your underwear off,” she pointed out. “All you have to do is ask.”

What things, she wanted to ask, but bit back the words.

“What are you planning on doing?” she inquired, hoping she didn’t sound as aroused as she was.

Lilith’s eyes drew over her before she crouched down beside her, picking up the blindfold. “First, what I’m going to do is blindfold you.”

Zelda watched, waiting as she thought about the idea of being bound and blind, relying only on her other senses. The anticipation of not knowing…

“And then…we’ll see.”

Lilith placed the blindfold over her eyes, and then settled her back on the ground, combing her fingers once again through her hair. “Remember your safe word?”

“I do.”

“Good girl,” Lilith said, and then there was the sound of her heels walking away. Zelda listened as a drawer was open, and then the creak of wood as the wardrobe was opened as well. There was a noise of something cutting through the air (like a riding crop or a whip, perhaps) and then there was silence. “You’re mine, now Zelda. Be mindful to ask politely for anything you want.”

Zelda swallowed, knowing that she meant that she had to answer correctly, or else be disciplined.

Complete, utter silence followed those words, and Zelda became all the more aware of how excited she was. Genuinely excited, as well as aroused, waiting for the woman to come out and discipline her with the riding crop, or a cane or paddle.

Or her bare hand.

Zelda pressed her thighs together, feeling the rope rub on her bare leg, pressing just below her sex. A part of her wanted to adjust, see if she could move the rope a little higher, but she didn’t. The last thing she needed was Lilith seeing her rutting off to a piece of looped rope.

She paused, feeling something draw against her skin on her leg. It was soft as it slowly slid over her bare leg and down. And then it disappeared.

Zelda hadn’t even heard the woman approach. Likely, she’d taken off her heels to allow her to slip closer and draw over her skin quietly.

Nothing followed, and then suddenly, she felt a shift, and then a weight settle on her hips. Zelda drew in a deep breath, uncertain if the woman had placed something on her, or if she was now straddling her.

Until she felt the woman’s hands draw up her sides, slipping up her ribs. Zelda arched against the rope, her hands splaying out in their bindings as a part of her tried to lean forward to wherever the dominatrix was.

“Relax,” Lilith said. “I won’t do anything like that to you.”

Oh, Zelda realised. Of course, because she hasn’t been tested yet.

“Unless you ask me to.”

Zelda almost moaned, catching in time to clench her jaw shut because there was no way she was going to let this woman know how much of an effect she had on her.

And yet, she felt the spider light touches of a hand drawing up neck, thumb and fingers slipping around the throat and Zelda wondered what it would be like to feel the woman’s hand around her throat, squeezing as she…

She realised too late that her hips had rolled and she’d very intentionally (without realising) pressed firmer against the woman’s straddling body. There was no way that Lilith misinterpreted that, no way she didn’t suspect what it meant.

“Ask me nicely,” she whispered, her hand coming to brush across Zelda’s cheek. “Ask me to do unspeakable things to you.”

Zelda swallowed, she could feel the words there, drawing tight in her chest, building up in her throat. Please, my queen. But she couldn’t say the words. How could she beg for such a thing?

Lilith’s finger swept across her cheek, and Zelda could almost taste here. How close was she to her, was she just hovering above her face. Inches from her own? Was she smirking, watching with interest, or also holding back from kissing her?

She could smell her perfume. Zelda’s mouth parted, watching to tilt her head up and kiss her or hope that she would be kissed in return.

Zelda felt the woman shift on her, leaning forward and although she could feel one hand on her face, and was so very aware of how warm it was, her attention drew to the other as it settled to cup just under her breast in a way that Zelda wondered how easily she could slip under the material and press her fingers to where Zelda could feel her nipples hardening, aching to be touched.

She wanted to whimper as she felt the fingers press against the underwire of her lingerie as if daring her to ask, the thumb edging at it, the hand on her cheek was tilting her head up, and Zelda wasn’t even sure she cared for what part of Lilith her lips touch, so as long as she felt her there.

But the woman’s command sat between them, daring her to respond and ask.

But she wouldn’t beg. She wouldn’t become some animal rutting against the woman, hoping to find relief.

“Ah, I see,” Lilith said with a warm chuckle.

And then, all at once, she was gone. She felt the woman stand up, off from her, and Zelda wished she could push the blindfold off and look at her.

She almost pleaded for Lilith's return, but her tongue held firm, swallowing the words back.

A silence loomed, and despite how her ears pricked, she could not hear Lilith move. The woman was quiet as if she walked from shadow to shadow. For all Zelda knew, she could be standing beside her, watching her move her shoulder, stretching her hands and adjusting her feet, feeling for any movement in the ropes.

There wasn’t any. The ropes held firm.

“My queen?”

“Yes?” the woman asked, and she was closer than Zelda expected. Close enough that she knew she just needed to ask.

She swallowed, “What unspeakable things would you do?”

And then Zelda felt fingers wrap around the rope on her chest, seeming to grab hold of a particular loop that sat below her breasts, in the middle of her chest, as another hand drew behind her head, fisting into her hair.

She was pulled up into a sitting position and before Zelda could do so much as gasp as she felt nails scrape against her scalp, electrifying her nerves. “Do want a taste?”

“Yes.”

She felt the woman’s mouth descend upon hers.

It was an earnest kiss, and then Lilith was straddling her lap again, and Zelda was moaning into her mouth, pressing against her as a tongue swiped over her lips, before teeth bit and tugged, and a mouth sucked, and fingers tugged at her hair until she couldn’t tell between the pain and pleasure.

She wanted to grab at the woman, but her hands were bound and pressed between them, and it was all she could do not to wriggle forward and see if she could brush the rope between Lilith’s thighs (though if happened accidentally…it was hardly her fault).

“Naughty,” Lilith said, and then her mouth was pouring down her jaw, to her neck and across her shoulder. Zelda was trying to remember how long they’d agreed to because right now all she wanted was to feel Lilith rub against her thighs as she continued to kiss her like the world was running out of time.

A hand grabbed at her breast, and then it slid underneath the cup of her bra, the other hand still fisting her hair, tugging her head back, so Zelda’s neck was elongated as Lilith's mouth continued to bite and suck at her shoulder.

It was going to leave a mark, but she didn’t care as a keened whine broke from as she felt her nerves electrify.

Lilith’s hand slid over her nipple, tweaking it, then grasping and pinching it between the length of her fingers.

If she kept doing that, Zelda was going to…to…

She groaned, feeling the rope on her thigh press against her underwear.

“I told you I could get you off without touching your cunt,” Lilith growled into her ear, and Zelda moaned at the words. “But you were so naughty that I don’t think I will.”

“No––“

“No, what?” Lilith enquired.

“Don’t stop.”

“Say, please.”

Zelda shut her jaw, groaning as the hand in her hair tugged again. Even blindfolded, she opened her eyes, wishing she could gaze upon her. She was met with darkness, but even in that, she could feel Lilith's eyes penetrating through, commanding her to just say it.

“Please,” she hissed.

“Good girl,” and the hand on breast squeezed, and Zelda felt the rope pressing against her underwear, rubbing against it as Lilith seemed to rock on her lap.

There was something unholy about the pressure Lilith had with her teeth and tongue on her shoulder like she knew just how to apply it just right as she tugged at her hair at the right moment and pinched at the nipple just right.

Zelda arched into the touch, feeling the pressure build low in her belly, growing with each rocked movement until her hips jerked, rocking over a knot on her thigh and Zelda felt the climax hit her with a sudden, strangled gasp.

It shuddered through her, and she felt the woman’s laugh rumble against her chest as she carried her through it for what felt like too short of a time before the rope became too sensitive and she was jerking her hips away.

The hand in her hair relaxed, and Lilith’s lips trailed against her neck, pressing lightly against the skin as the hand on Zelda’s breast dropped away.

Zelda drew in one breath, and then another, feeling the aftershocks tremble through her before she was placed down on the ground once more. She felt Lilith’s hands rest on either side of her face, before pushing up the blindfold as she flickered her eyes between Zelda’s, studying her.

Zelda pushed up and kissed her, lips pressing to feel the soft intake of breath against her mouth as Lilith tilted her head and sunk against her. Before she could even stop to think about how warm the woman’s lips were on hers, Lilith was pulling away, and Zelda was left to look at her flushed face, feeling thumbs draw against her cheeks bones.

“How do you feel?” Lilith asked.

Zelda nodded, swallowing before she found herself biting back a sharp comment. “Good,” she agreed. “I won’t doubt you again.”

“You and I both know that’s a lie.”

The effects of the orgasm still ran through her and Zelda feel herself the endorphins flooding through her bloodstream. A part of her hungered to do it again, see if Lilith could get her off twice more.

But the woman climbed off and began untying her, and it was all she could to take a breath and breathe, focusing on the way the woman’s fingers unravelled the knots faster than she expected.

The moment she was unbound, the ropes were pulled away, and a strange shyness seemed to overtake Lilith as she spooled the rope, undoing the knots that remained, her eyes look away. Perhaps she felt she’d crossed a boundary, Zelda wondered.

“Are you okay?” she asked.

Lilith looked up, and her face softened, “It’s been a while since I’ve tied anyone up like that,” she admitted, though there was more to it. “If you wanted a shower, you could take one,” she said. “I’ll clean up in here and make tea.”

Zelda nodded, feeling the uncomfortable wetness slide between her thighs at the mention of it. Tea would be good, she decided.

She went to the ottoman, picking up her belongings and taking them to the bathroom, where she set them down again on the counter. The towel was different this time, a black towel.

Zelda shut the bathroom door and slid off her clothes, looking into the mirror. There were lines on her back where the rope had pressed as she laid down, but otherwise, the only mark was a growing bruise on her shoulder––easily able to be hidden with the shirts and dresses she wore.

She slid into the shower, finding the temperature warm (and with a surprisingly strong water pressure that beat down her back, soothing knots she didn’t realise she had.)

Taking the showerhead in hand, she washed over her body, cleaning the mess between her thighs. There, the water pressure was prominent in a way she didn’t expect, and Zelda nearly allowed herself to sink in that, finding her arousal growing at the idea of getting off while the woman was in the next room over. But she pushed it away, setting the showerhead back in place and stayed under the spray of water until she had her desire under control.

The woman was a dominatrix first, a sex worker. It was completely understandable that she wanted to feel the woman’s hand relieve the pressure building between her thighs. It was understandable that she was being seduced, but Zelda reminded herself that it was all pretend. A service between two consenting adults.

And if she was going to delve further into that service, actually allow the woman to penetrate her (as she so crassly spoke, likely to get a reaction out of her) then she needed to see it as a service. She was a client, yes, but that did not mean that Lilith was going to take an emotional interest in her suddenly.

She switched off the water, coming out to clean dry herself off before she dressed again (placing the underwear in her handbag, given their ruined state).

She walked downstairs and watched as Lilith finished setting out the items, placing them onto the kitchen table.

There was a tightness to the woman that settled in Zelda’s stomach uncomfortably as she took her seat. When Lilith had finished setting everything aside, the woman sat across from her, a cup of water in hand.

And then a silence sat between them.

Zelda wanted to apologise. She wasn’t sure what the apology was for, perhaps for kissing her, or for not doing the right thing, or whatever it was. But she didn’t say the words; instead, she took a sip of tea and averted her eyes to where the kitchen light flooded over the patio, bringing partial light to the garden.

Something had shifted between them.

“Did you enjoy yourself?” Lilith asked, a smile on her lips.

“I did,” Zelda said. “Did you?”

“Always,” Lilith said, but the way she said the word implied otherwise.

“I…” Zelda swallowed thickly, looking away. “I think we should stick to what we did in the first session…if this is to continue.”

Lilith nodded. “You’re the client,” she advised. “Whatever service you want, I’m happy to provide.” The expression remained, and Zelda couldn’t tell if she was relieved, or disappointed or just neutral towards it.

Zelda blinked, adverting her gaze. She was a client, just a client. Lilith was sure to have a dozen more just like her.

Taking a sip of tea, she asked. “How much for the session?”

____________

#lilith #zelda spellman #zelith #madam spellman #caos fanfic #morgans fics #morgan writes

14 notes · View notes

mldrgrl · 5 years ago

Text

Last First Kiss

by: mldrgrl Rating: PG-13 Summary: This is for all the Ed Jerse Anons sitting in my inbox who all want a variation on the theme of Scully not being satisfied that Ed would be the last man she was with.

The appointments were on the calendar for the third Thursday on the month for six months, not a secret, but they were simply marked “Scully - doctor,” like they were run of the mill check-ups and not aggressive chemotherapy. Every third Friday was marked “Scully - out of office.”

Mulder did his best not to be too solicitous, wished her well when she packed up her things before lunch, made lame jokes about how much he’d get done without her ripping apart his theories for a day. He didn’t know how she spent her weekends after those appointments, she could be intensely private about certain aspects of herself, her health being one of them, but it was obvious from the paleness of her cheeks, the shadows under her eyes, and the constant tremor her body seemed to have come Monday, that she suffered.

He wished she wouldn’t push herself so hard, but then again, she was a fighter. He had to admit he was a bit in awe of her determination not to let such a grim diagnosis stop her from doing anything. It had certainly stopped him. Though she didn’t know it, his free time was mostly devoted to finding answers. He didn’t care who he had to go through to find the men who gave her this disease. If they knew how to give it to her, they knew how to take it back.

As the months went by though, the nosebleeds only got worse and at a certain point, she’d even stopped demanding that he not look at her when she did her best to clean herself up or given him dirty, ungrateful glares when he brought out the packet of tissues he’d started carrying around in his breast pocket and slipped them into her hand. She’d stopped locking the connecting doors of their motel rooms or trying to disguise the sound of her retching in the middle of the night by running the sink at full blast. The last two times, she’d even let him kneel beside her and dab her cheeks and the back of her neck with a cool washcloth as she limply clung to the side of the toilet.

If he wasn’t scared before, he was now. He could persevere as long as she was, but the moment she looked up at him with a tired, resigned gaze that told him he was finally allowed to see her like this because it didn’t matter anymore, he knew she had given up. And now, he was desperate for those answers.

Appointment number five loomed like a thundercloud. Mulder was tense all week and Scully was quiet. Time moved like molasses Thursday morning. He tried to focus on the expense report for their last case, but his mind kept wandering to ways he might offer his services to help her through the weekend. Even with the minutes dragging by, suddenly she was shutting her computer down and he hadn’t come up with anything better than, “if you need anything, you know you can call me.”

Scully left with a murmured “see you Monday,” and he chickened out on saying anything more than a soft goodbye. He bit his lip and as soon as he heard the elevator ding and the doors close, he choked on a quiet sob he’d been reigning in. As quickly as he let his emotions overtake him, he pulled himself back together and pounded a fist against the top of his desk. Scully was out there bravely fighting a losing battle alone and he wasn’t helping her by crying at his desk. It was time for his check-in with the Gunmen, who were following up on leads in his stead.

But, the boys had nothing for him. Nothing new, anyway. Mulder cursed. He was pretty sure his best bet was the black-lunged sonofabitch that seemed to pull all the strings from every direction and he’d been trying to lure the old man out of hiding for weeks to no avail. There had to be something he could do.

He stayed at the office well into the evening, poring over his files for some connection he might have missed. There was so much there and yet nothing at all. He was just digging deeper rabbit holes with every file. He finally went home when he felt like his vision was becoming too blurry to ready anything further, but he was back at it again before the sun even came up. Strewn across his desk and the floor was Scully’s abduction file, the files on Max Fenig, Duane Barry, the women in Allentown, the personnel file he’d poached on Alex Krycek, and others bearing the slightest hint of alien activity.

Halfway through the day, it dawned on him that maybe he should change his tactic. He wasn’t a religious man, but Scully was a religious woman, and there were examples of miraculous recoveries all over the world. He gathered up the mess he’d made and made another printing out reams of research on holy sites and unexplained recoveries from illnesses. Amongst them all, he found one that appealed. In fact, it excited him so much that he found himself grabbing he jacket and driving to Scully’s apartment with a hopeful flutter in his chest.

He doesn’t know what he was thinking though, knocking on her door that Friday evening. He hadn’t even gotten a good look at her before he was asking her if she’d ever heard about the Sanctuary of Our Lady of Lourdes. She answered his knock in a pair of snow-white flannel pajamas that were rolled up at the sleeves and ankles. Her face was almost as white as her sleepwear, aside from the hollow grey smudges under her eyes. Her eyes themselves were so thoroughly bloodshot it looked like it might be painful just to keep them open.

“I’m sorry,” he breathed, taking her in. “I didn’t mean to...to…”

She blinked slowly at him, like a sleepwalker still in a dream. “Our Lady of Lourdes,” she repeated in a quiet slur. “In France.”

“Yeah. Yes, France.”

“What about it?”

“Um…”

“Sorry, I need to sit down.”

“Don’t apologize,” he answered, following her to the couch.

He glanced around. There was a blanket waterfalling off the couch, crumbled tissues scattered across the coffee table, and a basin strategically placed on the floor beside the couch, just below the spot where the impression of her head still lingered on a pillow. Scully pushed the blanket out of the way and folded herself up like a sheet of origami into the empty corner of the couch.

“I should go,” he said.

“Are you going to tell me the story of Saint Bernadette?” she mumbled.

“You know it?”

“Of course I know it, Mulder.”

“Oh.”

“You can tell it to me anyway. I like your stories.”

“You do?”

“Sit down.”

Tentatively, Mulder took a seat on the opposite end of the couch. He surreptitiously slid the basin away from his feet and picked up a closed photo album that was wedged beneath the back cushion.

“What’s this?” he asked.

“Photo album.”

“Well, yeah. Are they of you?”

She nodded.

“May I?”

She nodded again. He opened the book and on the first page was a black and white mugshot of a swaddled newborn with a pinched face. Next to it was the classic, naked baby on a bearskin rug photo that every parent seemed to think was necessary. He had one of his own somewhere. He chuckled to himself.

The next pages were a hodgepodge of Scully family photos. There was a pensive looking toddler Scully on the lap of her smiling sister, both with loose red curls and matching baby blue dresses. There was all four Scully children, the boys in sailor suits, the girls in navy blue pinafore dresses standing in front of a docked ship. There was Scully blowing out eight candles on a birthday cake. There was a professional photo of Scully from the waist up in a white lace dress and a white veil, looking upwards with gloved hands clasped in prayer.

He turned to a page of school photos, all eerily similar, the progression of time marked only by the changes in Scully’s face and the length of hair, but the constant being the dark blazer and plaid skirt of a Catholic schoolgirl. She only smiled in one, which he guessed to be about third grade, the rest a study in concentrated seriousness.

And then there was a photo that made him stop and bring the album closer to his face. “Scully,” he said, squinting. “Was your mom a triplet?”

“No,” she said, with a quiet laugh. “She was the middle of three girls. All a year apart.”

“I mean, they look...identical.” And they really did. He saw three Margaret’s in a line with their arms around each other, same dark curls, same shape of the jaw and brow, same red lipstick, even.

“The one on the right is Aunt Kate, the one on the left is Mary Pat.”

“Kate. Katherine? Is that where your middle name cames from?”

“Nope. Mary Kate, Mary Margaret, Mary Pat. Only Aunt Mary Pat uses the Mary.”

“Wait, so your mom and her sisters are all named Mary?”

“Technically, sort of.”

“What was your grandmother’s name? Mary Magdalene?”

“Angela.”

“Oh.”

“Mary Angela.”

Mulder chuckled.

There were a few more pages of family photos and then they changed into pictures of places and people who he assumed were friends from high school or college. There was a photo of Scully with long wavy hair holding a sleeping baby as a priest touched its little bald head.

“Your godson?” he asked.

“Mmhm.”

He flipped a few more pages. There was photos of a cabin in the snow, of Scully in cold weather gear holding a string of fish, of a silver Volkswagen Rabbit, and a slew of photos of a beach and a lighthouse.

“Where’s this?” he asked.

“Point Loma. It was one of my favorite places as a kid.”

“And who is this?” He turned the photo on the next page towards Scully, of her pressed cheek to cheek with a fair-haired man with freckles across his nose and forehead.

“His name is Ethan.” She sat up a little reached out to touch the photo with her fingertips for a few moments and then she curled back into the corner and made a small noise in the back of her throat.

“What?”

“Ethan was the last relationship I was in.”

“Oh.”

“It didn’t last long. Three months, I think. I don’t know, it just occurred to me that...I guess I always thought I’d have more time to…”

“To what?”

“I don’t know.” She shook her head. “Nothing. Ethan will have been the last man to love me, even for a short time.”

A protest formed on Mulder’s tongue, but he held it back and looked at the picture of Scully and her ex-boyfriend again. Maybe if things had worked out with this Ethan character, they never would’ve even met. Or with that other guy, that Jack Willis guy from that case a few years ago. Maybe if it had worked out between them, she wouldn’t be here now, though he can’t imagine Scully and Jack as having ever been very good together. He really didn’t want to think about it, either.

“And Ed Jerse,” she said.

Mulder snapped to attention at the mention of that name and looked over at her. “What about Ed Jerse?”

“Ed will be my last first kiss.” She snorted softly and closed her eyes, brows knitting together slightly. He took a glance at her mouth, at the dry, cracked lips that bastard had been lucky enough to touch. It made him sad and angry.

“You do have time, Scully,” he said, emphatically.

“No, I don’t, Mulder.”

“Yes, you-”

“I don’t.” She opened her eyes and leveled her gaze at him. “Mulder, I’m dying. You know it as well as I do, you just don’t want to face the truth.”

“No, you’re not.”

“Yes, I am. I’m not getting better, I’m getting worse. The tumor hasn’t changed and the chemo has just made me sick. There isn’t anything left to do. I know this is hard for you, but it’s just a matter of time. And I won’t be making a pilgrimage to France to pray to the Virgin Mary and drink from healing waters, if that was your bright idea.”

“Why not? Why not try everything we can?”

“I would rather spend the time that I have left doing the things I love. I love my job and that’s what I want to do for as long as I’m able.”

“I can’t accept that this is the end, Scully.”

“You’re going to have to.” Her eyes welled with tears, but didn’t spill over.

Mulder looked away and closed the photo album. Scully slumped against the couch and shivered. She hugged her arms across her chest and curled up even tighter. If she got any smaller, she’d disappear.

“I’m sorry,” Mulder whispered, slipping off the couch to his knees. He shuffled over to Scully’s side of the couch and put a hand on her arm, leaning close. “It’s not over until it’s over. Ethan isn’t the last man to love you, I am. Maybe you don’t think it’s the same, but I do.”

“Mulder…” She unraveled enough to put a hand on his cheek. “You don’t have to.”

“I love you.”

“I know. I...I know.”

He leaned into the palm of her hand for a moment and then reached up to cup her face with both hands. “You’re not dying,” he whispered, just before bringing his lips to hers. “There’s time,” he said, pulling back before moving in again. “Don’t give up.”

The three kisses he pressed to her mouth were soft and chaste, but they’re the most heartfelt and tender kisses he’s ever shared with anyone. He felt her tears running down between the webbing of his fingers and he brushed them away with his thumbs. She held his wrists as he placed whispersoft kisses against her closed eyes and wet cheeks.

“I’m going to do everything I can for you,” he said. “Everything.”

“I know.”

“Fight.”

She nodded. He stroked the back of her head once and kissed her temple before rising. As much as he wanted to stay, he had work to do and he needed to get to it as quickly as possible. Maybe he could get her to hold on a little longer, but in his heart he knew he was running out of time.

The End

#xf fanfic #i wrote this #msr #ANGST #cancer arc #ed jerse #maybe a little AU #maybe not #definitely after Elegy #ignoring Demons

187 notes · View notes

luckylq-blog · 4 years ago

Text

Imagine when the rust wears off and his shooting

Workout clothing should really be comfortable, enable you to sweat easily, and protect anyone from rain and also other weather conditions. An Adidas jacket can be worn over t shirts and also other gear. Thus, expressing that workout gear is not just right for the gym.

I mentioned the Incipio EcoCase earlier, which is great if you're going green, but sometimes you need better protection for your device, and that's where the MarWare Quick Vue for iPhone case comes into play. This rubberized accessory closes around your entire phone while still allowing access via a quick release hatch to your unit's screen, cheap nfl jerseys dock connector, and even the iPhone's camera lens and headphone port. This case is great for construction workers and anyone else looking for strong, confident protection for their devices..

cheap nfl jerseys I myself prefer black and gold. For the frame I used black Colorfabb PLA. For the gears I used Real Gold PLA (real is the brand). Am I exaggerating? Maybe. But there are a lot of moms out there that have extremely full days trying to juggle different sports, sports teams, music lessons, grocery shopping, doctor's appointments, cooking dinner, and housework, and some while still working a full or part time job. How in the world do they do it and still find time for their husband and children? Well, there are a lot of times that they do not, not really. cheap nfl jerseys

cheap nfl jerseys Excuses come so thick and fast among the rich and famous these days it is easy to lose track of who said what. Try this quiz to see if you can recall the correct excuse, https://www.wholesalejerseyslan.com/ or match the excuse to the celebrity who said it. We start with an easy one that is still fresh in our memories.. cheap nfl jerseys

Cheap Jerseys from china For the first time in a very long time Armstrong can control his own destiny. He has potentially opened himself up to multiple law suits from former sponsors and those who paid him appearance fees and prize money. But he will have assessed all this before deciding to broadcast his primetime mea culpa.. Cheap Jerseys from china

cheap nfl jerseys Imagine when Simmons is healthy. Imagine when the rust wears off and his shooting, passing, rebounding and reacting all form. When it comes to Embiid, let the imagination wander.. The Dallas Mavericks retired Rolando Blackman's jersey in halftime ceremonies on Saturday night. An inspired Erick Strickland then put on a fair imitation of the Mavericks' career leading scorer. nfl jerseys Strickland scored a career high 36 points as the Mavericks ended a six game losing streak with a 104 99 victory over the Phoenix Suns.. cheap nfl jerseys

In summary, I spent nearly forty years of my life trying to accomplish things make something of myself so I'd have a healthy self worth and never achieved a healthy self worth with that approach. Among the many things I did, I even learned how to use a pendulum to improve self worth. It's called the ideomotor response.

wholesale jerseys We figured we could just use the chainsaw to make a door when we were ready to load them on butchering day. Well with all the rain it was getting pretty soupy in the pen http://www.okcheapjerseys.com/ and the downward slope idea that sounded good 6 months ago was getting plugged up with mud from all the rain. So they were using more energy moving through that sloppy mess and they were hungry all the time. wholesale jerseys

cheap nfl jerseys A control group (n = 10, mean = 68.7 5.5 y) sat calmly for 20 min and were not allowed to read, sleep, or talk on a cell phone. Outcome Measures The Rey Auditory Verbal Learning Test was used to assess short term memory learning ability, delayed recall, and visual recognition. Salivary cortisol levels were measured at predetermined times. cheap nfl jerseys

cheap nfl jerseys See them as they stand on another Monday morning: this band of brothers. Irish sport has seen nothing like the Kilkenny hurling teams which have played under Brian Cody. wholesale jerseys from china Of all the perfect hurling Septembers that the Marble county has cut under that patrician, rose blush gaze of Cody's this may have been the most imperious and damning of them all.. cheap nfl jerseys

wholesale nfl jerseys The significance and affordability of available tourist activities make Washington, DC a prime location for sightseers and an entire industry exists to cater to these travelers. For large groups gathered in DC Bus Tours are a great choice to make sure your visit is as fun and significant as it should be. As with any purchase of service, you should take care to identify your requirements and book service from a company which meets those needs. wholesale nfl jerseys

Cheap Jerseys china We know what it's like to play on the road in the playoffs. You got to focus on what you can do and play the system that we're supposed to. You can't make mistakes there and give them extra chances to generate energy with the crowd.". Actually, https://www.cheapjerseys18.com/ only a minority of the white population in the south were slave owners (347,525 out of 6,000,000 in 1850). Only 1,800 people owned more than 100 slaves. There were 250,000 freed slaves in the south by 1860. Cheap Jerseys china

cheap nfl jerseys Puppet Master Russell (1) was elated; his plan succeeded, boosting his confidence to a new level, which was evident by the devious smile that seemed to remain plastered on his face as he and the others slept. The next morning, he took Betsy the police officer aside questioning her move to vote against his wishes as she chose to write Ashley's name down at tribal council. She stood her ground and it was agreed they would have zero trust in one another cheap nfl jerseys.

1 note · View note

hustlemeanokay · 5 years ago

Text

So, I finally got my prescriptions. On one hand, I’m glad... on the other, a little worried that my new doctor just... kinda took my word for what I take? She just... no previous records just straight up prescribed me my lyrica, celebrex, bupoprion, and this weird powder stuff that is supposed to help my stomach chill the fuck out. That last one isn’t so concerning but the others are. Like, I mean... I’m legit with my meds but I coulda not been? Ya know?

(So... this post got kind of out of hand... lots of venting and personal bitching below... just... yeah)

On another note... I’m fairly certain my remaining ovary has a pretty large cyst on it and will probably have to be removed, just like my right one did. And, I’m fairly certain I have a pretty bad infection in my mouth because my teeth are crapping out on me at an alarming rate... I swear it’s like one part of the body tells the other “psst, hey... it’s about to go down, you in?” and the other part is like “fuck yeah, I’m in!”

So, I need to get into a dentist to have my teeth just fucking pulled - seriously, I’m done with them. I’ve spent over four thousand dollars and they’re all crap. Unfortunately, I can’t afford dentures at the moment but we’re hoping the house sells soon. But, I’m going to go ahead and make an appointment to at least find out exactly how much 16 extractions are going to cost and a full set of dentures. I’m nowhere near being able to afford the last quote I got to have implant supported dentures (this dentist looked me straight in the eye and told me it would be $40,000... to which I was like “dude, you’re on a totally different planet...” but whatever).

This isn’t one of those posts begging for money or anything just me venting. It’s frustrating living with a body that’s trying to systematically shut the fuck down around you. I’m exhausted all the time yet I can’t fucking sleep because I’m in pain from literally head to toe (literally, my forehead hurts... what the actual fuck?). I’m hoping that being back on my meds will start to make it bearable. Lyrica and celebrex were helping before, they didn’t make the pain go all the way away but it at least made it bearable.

Also, we live in a third floor walk-up (another thing that is so changing when that house sells) - I take my kids to school every morning (different times so that’s two trips) and pick them up every afternoon. So, every Monday through Friday, I’m going up and down three flights of stairs at least three times a day. If we go grocery shopping or anywhere after my husband gets home - that’s another whole set of stairs. We’ve lived here for over a year, you would think that I’d be... I don’t know... maybe... used to it? Or at least able to make it up or down without my knees screaming at me. Or maybe I’d be in better shape, yeah? Nope.

Naturally, they weighed me at the doctor’s office. I’ve gained twenty pounds in the past year. What the fuck. I literally cannot eat anymore than a handful of food before I’m full - and twenty-thirty minutes later I’m in the bathroom so stuff goes right through me, I can’t be absorbing very much.... I don’t drink sodas, I don’t regularly eat sweets (I have some candy now because Halloween)... I rarely eat breakfast and when I do, I don’t eat lunch - and I eat dinner and another small meal later in the night because I can’t fucking sleeps so I’m up until like 2 or 3 am every god damned night. I’ve counted calories for months and I struggle to hit even 1500 in a day. So, how the fuck am I gaining weight.

I’m usually a pretty toned down person when it comes to talking about myself, I don’t like to draw attention over here. I’m just one of those behind the scenes kind of people... but damn I’m getting frustrated.

I literally cannot remember a time without pain, without insomnia. My Mom took me to the doctor when I was like fucking ten because I was tired all the time, sore all the time, and yet couldn’t sleep. At first they thought I was anemic. Nope.

That leads me to another part of my frustration. My lab work, blood tests etc, all always come back normal. I’ve had x-rays from head to toe to rule out RA or anything like that - nothing - everything was “normal”. I know every lab has their own range of normality but damn, come on.

Over the past five years or so, I’ve started growing a fucking beard. Like, facial hair, dude... with that, I am just fucking done. Yet doctors are all “well, you’re levels are normal”. Bitch, I don’t fucking care! Look at my fucking face! Something is clearly not normal. For quite a few years I would gain 10 pounds, drop twenty, gain fifteen, drop thirty... without changing anything at all, nothing. Not my diet, not my activity level, nothing. And they were all “you’re perfectly healthy”. Dude, random sudden wild ass weight gain and loss is not healthy. Something is clearly wrong.

I wish, just once, a doctor would treat the symptoms, not the test results. As such, I’ve been saddled with the “we don’t fucking know anymore” diagnosis of Fibromyalgia, which is a recognized disability. But, like nearly all chronic pain conditions, it’s often just brushed aside because it can’t be seen.

I don’t know where I was going with this, I’m just bitching - I guess. I’d just like... ya know, for once... to just be able to exist without something hurting. To be able to actually exist without my mouth hurting. To be able to smile or go out in public without extreme pain (my partial denture fucking hurts and to get a new one is fucking pointless because all the remaining teeth need to come out...). To be able to just... sleep. Just go to sleep. And wake up actually feeling like I went to sleep! That’d be a fucking miracle.

And that’s not all! Because apparently my uterus fucking hates me, ever since I had to have that ovary removed, my periods are insane. I don’t cramp around my abdomen like I did before (and I mean this stuff started period one after that surgery)... instead, I get stabbing sharp pain in my outer thighs... it starts in the right and moves up and around the back and down the left... and! Omg, fucking gross. Clots. Massive, huge, fucking gross clots. I go through a super tampon in like a fucking hour and it’s fucked up. It’s just all fucked up!

So, that’s probably why I’m venting. Right now I’m hurting all over, exhausted but can’t sleep, bleeding like a fucking dying animal, can’t eat without hurting... just fucking miserable.

#personal #venting #probably will delete later because why even keep it #just gotta get it out somehow #frustrated

1 note · View note

dailyaudiobible · 5 years ago

Text

06/10/2019 DAB Transcript

1 Kings 7:1-51, Acts 7:30-50, Psalms 128:1-6, Proverbs 16:31-33

Today is the 10th day of June. Welcome to the Daily Audio Bible. I am Brian. It is great to be here with you as we get our work week started and take the next step forward together as we continue our journey through the Scriptures this year. And we’re working our way through first kings and the reign of Solomon. We’re working our way through the book of Acts and the birth of the church and we’er reading from the English Standard Version this week. Today first Kings chapter 7.

Commentary:

Alright. So, as we’re moving our way through first kings we've seen Solomon build a palace for himself and he had the implements needed for use in the temple fashioned.

And then in Acts we’re continuing to listen. It seems like a sort of long review. And it's really wonderful that it comes at this time of year. What it actually is is the testimony of a deacon, a newly appointed deacon, one of the first deacons in the church named Stephen. He’d been arrested and kind of defamed. And, so, he’s been kind of hauled before the Jewish high Council and he's giving testimony and what he's doing in the process is giving us review but what he's actually doing is proving to the high Council that he is thoroughly Hebrew and thoroughly understands the Hebrew origin story. So, we listened to him talk about Moses today and that was one of the chief accusations against him, that he was defaming or denigrating Moses and blaspheming God.

And then, so we get to the Psalms today and it's this example of how something profound happens when a blessing is spoken over us. This may happen to you in church every week, right? At the end of the service maybe your pastor speaks a benediction, a word of benediction over you, a word of blessing over you. That was true in biblical, right? It carries through, the tradition carries through all the way today. And we can kinda just blow by that like in church, the benediction, if you have that. And you probably have that in some form or another, right? So, if you're in a more traditional church the benediction spoken of you will probably be the same every week, whereas your pastor, no matter what church you’re in probably has a way of closing the service and it may be a word of encouragement or blessing over you. And, so, we can blow-by that, it’s just like a little marker, just a little trigger. Okay, service is over. But words of affirmation spoken over us, like that actually reorients our hearts if we’re paying attention. So, let's just practice that. Slow down a bit. Because now you know, we've already read to the Scriptures and we’re moving toward the end of our time together. And, so, we can kind of just start moving out of this space. Slow down and just allow these words to be spoken over you for your day. “How joyful are those who fear the Lord. All who follow his ways you will enjoy the fruit of your labor. How joyful and prosperous you will be. Your wife will be like a fruitful grapevine flourishing within your home. Your children will be like vigorous young all of trees as they sit around your table. That is the Lord's blessing for those who fear him. May the Lord continually bless you from Zion. May you see Jerusalem prosper as long as you live. May you live to enjoy your grandchildren. May Israel have peace.” See! Right, doesn't that not orient your heart toward God and encourage you for your day? So, words of benediction or affirmation or declaration spoken over us has been a tradition all the way back into biblical times. All we just did was use the Bible to speak those words of affirmation, words that were spoken over people who were coming up to Jerusalem or leaving Jerusalem. So, it's amazing how the Bible can speak such encouragement and life over us if we’re just paying attention. So, remember this blessing as you move forward into your day.

Prayer:

Father, we thank You for Your word. We thank You that we’re continuing forward in the story of King Solomon, we’re continuing forward in the testimony of Steven and they all lead somewhere and we’re watching these stories because we find ourselves in these stories. But we thank You for the gift of the Psalm today, Psalm 129, speaking these words of affirmation of blessing over our lives for today. And, so, we receive them. We take them within us and we meditate upon them today. Come Holy Spirit we pray. In Jesus’ name we ask. Amen.

Announcements:

dailyaudiobible.com is the website, its home base, its where you find out what’s going on around here. So, of course, stay tuned and stay connected in any way that you can and any way that you will.

Of course, we announced the Daily Audio Bible family reunion where the global campfire comes together for 2019 last week, a week ago today. And it looks like we’re going to be getting together because a lot of you are coming and we’re excited about that. It’s gonna be fantastic. This will take place August 31st through the 2nd of September, this is Labor Day weekend here in the United States. So, we get a long weekend to come to Nashville, come around the global campfire, and just hang out together, play together. We’re looking forward to that very much. So, registration is open. Come. Just stay on the grounds and enjoy the beauty, all the activities that exist. You can get all the details at dailyaudiobible.com in the initiatives section. Look for Family Reunion 2019 and all of the details are there.

If you want to partner with the Daily Audio Bible, you can do that at dailyaudiobible.com as well. There's a link on the homepage. If you’re using the app, you can press the Give button in the upper right-hand corner or, if you prefer the mail, the mailing address is PO Box 1996 Spring Hill Tennessee 37174.

And, as always, if you have a prayer request or comment, 877-942-4253 is the number to dial.

And that is it for today. I'm Brian I love you and I'll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

Community Prayer and Praise:

Hi Daily Audio Bible, this is Rebecca from Michigan, June 6th. You know I just need prayer for my temperament because I almost lost my cool at my job today because of some lady is totally jealous because I have gained Seniority there like 5 ½ years and I’m starting to go somewhere and get opportunities. I always take things that people really don’t want, job opportunities that people don’t want, like trips and stuff and she’s like trying to start stuff with me and my management and why I’m getting all these things but I’m used to just taking things that people aren’t really interested in and that is offered to me in order of seniority, in the order that it comes down to me. So, I feel like I’m being really attacked at my job and I almost lost my cool today with this person and I just want God to heal my temper, show me ways to refrain myself because I know the verse that says, “be still and know I am God”. And I’ve been listening to Daily Audio Bible, I think since November 2011 on and off because I remember Ezekiel being born, that’s how far back. I remember. And this is like the first year I’ve finally been keeping up with you guys. I haven’t had no technical problems or electronic problems or things like that. So, I’ve been pretty much keeping up with you guys and I can see my life really growing spiritually and sometimes I just…I’m amazed at how far God has taken me and I just been believing in him for paying off my bills and being debt-free and decluttering my life because that’s what I’m believing in Him for. Thank you. I love you. Bye.

Hi, this is Rob Whitfield from Ontario Canada. This is my first time calling but I’ve been blessed by Daily Audio Bible for over five years now and I want to thank the Hardin family for this Daily Audio Bible, it means so much to us. I want to just say that I’m calling with a heavy heart. Our son Jamie who is now 32 was diagnosed three years ago, the first time with multiple melanoma, which is usually an older folks type of cancer and it was shocking to our family. He successfully went through all his chemo and two blood stem cell transplants along with a whole lot of other medications and doctor’s appointments, but our hearts are heavy because we just found out last week that it has returned. And we know our God is not mended by time and today he has his first oncology review and I’m praying…I’m asking that the Daily Audio Bible prayer warriors lift him up in prayer. We’re finding it very hard, especially since he is beginning to lose his desire to fight this and that is breaking our hearts. We depend on your prayers and we look forward to giving you good news in the future that the Lord has answered that prayer. Thanks again. Have a good day. Bye-bye.

Hello, DAB my name is Joanna a first-time calling phoning from France. I’ve been listening to your podcast for a few months now, English and in French and find it hugely helpful enriching and soothing, especially where my access to church has been limited for years being housebound by illness. Anyway, last Monday’s episode, June 4, 2019 had a voice message from Jordan of Georgia at about 14 minutes in. I just spent the weekend in some considerable distress about two specific things and what she said on the surface sounded like nonspecific, general, good advice. Those two sentences spoke directly to what had been troubling me. So, I want to thank Jordan for her wisdom and discernment as she listened to God’s prompting. And thank you Lord for caring so much about your family in every corner of the earth. How incredible how the creator of all things using us to encourage one another. A tech savvy God, hey? Jordan mentioned something from her health. Father, envelope her in a warm blanket of peace and rest. Strengthen her in endurance and resilience stemming from you and your living Word. Amen. __may God bless you all love Joanna and France.

Hello, my name’s Ben, a first-time caller from London and I just wanna ask for prayer for a large group of children here in the UK who are currently going through senior school examinations. We call them GCSE’s and A levels. But it’s a tough time for our children and my daughter is one of them. They’ve not been going too well for her and we’ve had a lot of tears and a lot of stress but what’s really lifted my heart is that every night and after every exam she has prayed, she has sat down with friends from church and with us, her family, and prayed to the Lord. She’s returned even though those exams have not gone well. She’s always come back to Him. And after all, that’s the real exam that we all have to pass isn’t it? The exams that we do at school they’re very important and yes, they will affect our lives but ultimately the true test that we have to pass, the only one that we have to pass, is that whatever happens we have to return to the Lord and trust in Him. And that’s really lifted me, that’s really helped me. I’d just like to thank you DAB for being a really big part of my life over the past few years. As I said, first time caller. Thank you DAB, thank you DAB family. God, bless.

1 note · View note

pisati · 4 years ago

Text

I’m trying not to get too annoyed with my coworkers but... this shit isn’t hard.

my head receptionist is honestly getting on my nerves. we don’t work the same shifts anymore, usually, but occasionally we’ll open together. and often times she’ll just do the labs that come in, sometimes send the online checkin forms, maybe do the next-day surgery paperwork, meanwhile I’m taking care of the emails, usually the voicemails, the scans, the faxed script requests, and checking the meds that got filled the night before. she can be kind of self-important and that gets in the way of work too. like, I get it, you’ve been in animal care basically since you left high school, you’ve been a receptionist for 8 years, you act like this job is your life, but then you go and act like the work is beneath you? the work is the work, dude. she does have to do manager-y things, like taking care of health certificate things, taking care of money stuff and collections calls, and she makes the schedules, but that’s what happens when you’re experienced. you have more job responsibilities. when we’re opening together I get the vibe that she gets annoyed having to take incoming calls. she’ll leave me up front to help in the back; sometimes she’ll restrain a pet for someone because in the mornings usually there’s only one doctor and their two assistants. but that leaves me up front, by myself. I’ve ended up checking in all the drop-offs before while she’s just doing some highlighting on paperwork.

and I’m honestly pissed that I got pulled into a meeting with the head vet and lead receptionist back in april because I apparently wasn’t performing adequately for how long I’d been there. I’ve talked to my new coworker about this and she feels the same-- we weren’t trained properly. things weren’t explained to us well before we were left more unsupervised, so of fucking course I dropped the ball so much. I had to figure a lot of how the hospital works on my own. but that’s not what’s upsetting-- it’s that I’ve watched both the head and lead receptionists make mistakes that got me pulled into a meeting, and they just get someone complaining about it and that’s it. I don’t care that they’ve been there so long, it just means they should know better. there was one day the doctor I thought hated me and thought I was incompetent (until I finally had a minute to talk to her and apologize for something I guess?) got so mad at the lead receptionist because she had booked a quintuple appointment that ended up backing up her whole day. 5 pets at once in and of itself isn’t a major issue, but what the doctor was mad about was how it was booked. when we book regular, 1-pet doctor appointments, we block them off for 40 minutes. if it’s a double, depending on the client, we’ll usually book off a 60 minute block, 30 for each pet. some clients are chatty or have a lot of questions, or they’re just special, so sometimes it ends up being 40 minutes per pet; you just have to know who you’re booking and which doctor you’re booking with, and that took me a while to learn. but multi-pet appointments typically are 30 minutes per animal. I’ve only ever booked a triple at most. this was five pets and they were booked for 20 minutes each. you can’t do full exams, shots, bloodwork, so on and so forth on five pets in that short a time. I was there, the lead receptionist was not, so I got the brief earful from the doctor (not directed at me obvs, but I understood her frustration). but something like that would’ve gotten me pulled into another meeting. the lead receptionist has booked rechecks as technician appointments too, which you’re not supposed to do unless the doctor OKs it. just. shit like that. she should know better.

and when I started I was told to look at the appointment notes when people came in-- I see “NCNP” (new client, new patient) on an appointment and my instinct is to grab the new client paperwork. I’ve been going through the physical files and I’ve been doing a LOT of our wellness plan contracts, and it annoys me to hell and back when there’s a pop-up alert AND I put notes right at the top of the appointments, sometimes in capital letters, to have the owner sign such-and-such form, and they don’t fucking give anyone the paperwork. I hate coming in later in the day to see that things from the morning hadn’t been done-- there was one owner I needed new client paperwork from who was right there and did we get it? no. I end up taking care of notes left in our worklist from the head receptionist to send wellness plan contracts via docusign to owners that were literally just in; they could have just printed the contracts and had them sign them while they were there. a lot of the ones sent on docusign don’t even get looked at, not to mention we only have so many we’re allowed to send before we get charged extra. the one surgery we had today had a follow-up for needing a signed copy of her wellness plan agreement on file, and did it get signed? no. they had one pet to do the monday surgery paperwork for on saturday. they could have done what I did today: upon seeing the same follow-up for a surgery we have coming in tomorrow I printed out a copy of the contract and put it in with the papers that need to be signed. it’s not. fucking hard. I don’t care if you have extra responsibilities as a head receptionist, you don’t get to be lazy about the “menial” work because that’s still part of your damn job, even if it’s to a lesser extent. she doesn’t check the reception worklist terribly often either, which is annoying as hell when there’s things she could easily take care of that end up becoming my problem later in the day.

I don’t dislike doing scans or faxes or checking meds, but I do dislike doing literally all of them when I’m working with other people. honestly I feel like I’m the one doing all of them period. they haven’t trained the new receptionist very well, probably less well because she’s worked at another clinic before, and honestly I don’t think she knows what to do with a lot of the scans and records and such. she knows where the checkin sheets go, but like... for example, days like today I come in and they give me the brief rundown of the morning. it was busy, the phone calls ended up not really slowing down until after 5, and I understand when things are crazy like that you’re just trying to stay on top of taking care of the calls. the surgery paperwork didn’t get done for the next day, usually that’s a morning thing, but I did that later. it happens. I was told the new girl was kind of taking care of the emails, but of course the phones didn’t stop so they piled up. but when I looked, I got most of it taken care of in a few minutes. I’ve noticed the new girl doesn’t usually touch emails that have records from ER visits or specialist notes, so I’m not convinced they taught her what to do with those. and it’s not hard-- I actually really like those emails, because you just have to download the files and that’s it. nothing to respond to, no message to pass along to a doctor or tech (I mean, besides the records themselves; we pass along those records to the doctors to review). we have a folder called MyScans which is where the scanner sends the PDF files once they’ve been scanned in, and I just use that folder as a catch-all for things that need to be attached to charts. today there was a lot. morning checkin sheets had been scanned in but not labeled or attached, which is fine. I scanned a few more, downloaded a few records, and the scans list was considerable. but in 10-15 minutes I had everything labeled and was able to attach all of them-- between calls of course, so it’s hard to measure how much time I actually spent on it. maybe it’s because that’s the one thing I was able to do when I started, and since that ‘menial’ work became mine so the others could do other things I’m just really quick at it, but I’ve had crazy mornings and still been able to get a handle on most everything by the time the closing shift people came in. it was a 3-person day today too, so I closed by myself. by the time the mid-shift person left, I had done all the confirmation calls, the surgery calls, done all the surgery paperwork, made the calendar for the next day, finished all the bullshit fake future appointments for everyone that came in today just before close, and because the last appointment was out 20 minutes before close I was able to close out the money stuff and just be done by a few minutes after 7. and that’s on top of doing all the fucking scans, all the faxes, labeling and attaching all the files, calling owners for such-and-such reason, answering calls... how is it that I can do almost literally fucking everything and still manage to keep up? while the head receptionist acts like it’s so hard and so stressful doing what she does. meanwhile (my new coworker mentioned this today too) half the time we go to the back and she’s in the office with the practice manager laughing about something or other; they’re talking and looking at instagram a good bit of the time, and while the head receptionist does do our social media stuff... she still can’t get our next month’s schedule out to us until literally the last day of the current month? with how busy she supposedly is doing management shit? today one of the doctors and his assistant on that appointment were looking for his puppy patient, and she’d taken the puppy into the office to hold her and take pictures; she went out into the hall in treatment holding her and I heard the doctor half-jokingly go “you can’t just steal my patients...” but like. I’m up front answering the nonstop phones and scanning shit and doing things for the doctors and I’ve got 3 things on my plate at once all day and you get to just wander around with a puppy you took from her exam room and hang out in the office?

I really should ask for a raise.

I get that I’ve only been there for a year and she’s been in the business for 8 years, but that honestly just seems unfair to me. I get that she’s got more responsibilities than I do, and honestly I’m glad I’m not the one making the collections calls. but I’d understand if, given her greater responsibilities, she could only do like. a fraction of the ‘menial’ shit I do. but she acts like it’s beneath her, and things just go sitting for hours until I can get to them because it was “too busy”. sure. yet somehow I can still manage it. and I have time to check the worklist and see things from the night before that should have been taken care of either the night before or that morning, if I couldn’t get to them at night or if they were entered after I left.

and I’m trying to be understanding with the new girl, because this hospital is honestly really fast-paced compared to the one she was at before, and I didn’t even have experience when I started so I can only imagine all the things I fucked up on my first few months. but also... she’s worked at a clinic before. she’ll leave clients on hold for a really long time, take her time after putting them on hold, sometimes even explain the situation to me or whoever else is up front (if it’s a question I can answer, fine, whatever, but when I get a brief rundown and tell her exactly who to go to, sometimes I’ll have to tell her more than once before she gets up to find that person)... and while I appreciate that she does well with the notes for herself on sticky notes, she manages to fall far enough behind on all of it that she ends up staying 30-45 minutes after her shift is supposed to end because “I just need to finish entering my notes”. I’ve tried to gently nudge her to enter notes as things happen, and if something interrupts you, just write a note to yourself to get right back to it... because I’ve had a number of occasions already where someone will call, she’ll talk to them and not put anything in the computer but she “has a note for herself to get to it”, and then maybe 20 minutes to an hour later we’ll get another call, either from the same person or someone related to the case, and we have no idea what was talked about, because she still hadn’t gotten to entering it yet. there was one last week, and I was lucky I happened to have listened to a part of her conversation with an owner-- they had given us permission to release info to rescues because they were trying to adopt a new pet, and the rescues often do vet checks just to make sure the people they’re adopting their animals out to are responsible pet owners. we just can’t release the info until we get permission from the owner. well I heard part of that call, and maybe 20 minutes later I answered a call from a rescue asking about this owner; opened up the profile, didn’t see any alert (usually we put the “owner gives permission�� note in an alert that pops up when you open their profile), but I remembered the call she was on and asked if it was that owner. she said yes, so I proceeded with the call, but like... come on. that’s not something you need to put on a sticky note to get back to later, you can literally enter the alert while you’re on the phone with the owner. that way it’s done and it doesn’t sit on your to-do list all day, and that way when the rescue inevitably calls 20 minutes after the owner does, whoever answers that call knows they don’t have to call the owner and ask for permission. if I hadn’t heard part of that call and thought to ask the other girl if that was the owner she’d spoken to, I probably would have done just that, and looked like an idiot to the owner because she had literally just called us. that was luckily an innocuous one, but sometimes we have owners going back and forth with us and specialists, sometimes we have owners asking questions or ordering meds and those need to be taken care of today, and we get multiple calls about it, but the notes haven’t been entered... like, you can’t just leave that shit for later. we’re working in a live, time-sensitive environment. we’re working as a team. not everyone is aware of what everyone else is doing in the hospital, that’s why we rely so heavily on the computer. we enter notes and we enter them quick, that way if someone calls and talks to someone else, they can see the previous interactions right there. no guesswork. we don’t have the time to go looking for whoever talked to this person and asking them what was said; that’s how you end up behind. today her shift ended at 5 and she didn’t leave until almost 6 because her notes weren’t done. I’m still doing at least 95% of the scans and taking care of pretty much all of the emails, and that’s the bulk of what the job is outside of phone calls after the morning. and yet I manage to log all my conversations as they happen, get everything attached where it should be, leave notes for the appropriate people, and get out on time. and corporate really doesn’t want to pay us overtime, so it annoys me too when she’ll sit there while I’m doing three things at once and talk about her personal life, like.. don’t you have notes to finish? instead of letting it keep you half an hour late? I do enjoy the conversation, I like that we can be personable with each other at this job, she’s a sweet girl and she means well... but there’s a time and place for it, and that’s when there’s absolutely nothing left to do. or when the only things that need doing are, like, labeling and attaching checkin sheets, or something like my side project. I can talk and do those things at the same time.

like, this was my first hospital environment, and I’ve still never had lists of things to get back to later. I mean... not “things” like conversations to log; I’ve had lists of automatic payments I need to set up, or foods I need to set aside for an owner, or a call I need to make eventually. maybe I was just trained well when I was in my research lab back in school-- we were taught to log everything in the database. every phone call, every email; I remember even once writing an email to my professor at home on my own time and after hitting send, immediately feeling like I needed to open the database and log it. it was just an instinct. I’m not always the best at it at this hospital, but I’m trying to be better about it. but I do know that if I don’t put it in right after it happens or if I don’t put it on a sticky note to get right back to it after I’ve been interrupted with something else, I’m going to forget. and inevitably someone will talk to that person about something at some point later that day, and if they don’t know about my interaction with them, it could be confusing or lead to miscommunication or something. I don’t know how she just doesn’t have that same sense of urgency. things do pile up, and fast, but working in a hospital before, you should already have a sense of your priorities. things that are not pressing: bullshit fake future appointments, labeling and attaching checkin sheets, scanning and attaching things from the day that have already been taken care of (like faxed script requests) next-day surgery paperwork, printing and highlighting the next-day schedule. if there really is no free time, those can be put off til the end of the night and taken care of after close. things that are slightly pressing: entering prescription and food requests (though MOST of the time those can be done on the phone with the client), checking meds that have been brought up from pharmacy, faxing prescription requests, etc., logging ER visits, specialist notes, and radiology/histopathology results when those come in (unless the results were sent out for stat review, or unless they show something that needs to be brought to someone’s attention. stat reports were sent out stat because they wanted results while the patient is there, so those need to go right to the doctor). things that are pressing: confirmation calls for next-day appointments (when it’s that time of the day), confirming surgery appointments and giving pre-surgical instructions (because sometimes you are what determines whether a pet will come in properly fasted or whether they’ll need to reschedule because the owner or the babysitter or whoever didn’t know not to give food after midnight), logging client interactions and making notes to put in the appropriate lists so they are brought to the right people’s attention in a timely manner, checking emails and downloading attachments, attaching those to charts if they’re urgent. things that are immediately pressing: phone calls, checking in and checking out clients. there are exceptions to those levels of importance, but you have to have the common sense to recognize when something is more immediately pressing than something else. there was one day when the new girl was saying that she’d finish up her notes and then start on future appointments, meanwhile I was backlogged taking care of the things she didn’t know how to do on top of the things I normally do; the next-day confirmation calls still needed to be done, so I tried to gently emphasize that those calls were more important; yeah corporate wants us to make those bullshit appointments but they can wait. honestly sometimes I wonder where her priorities are. for having worked in a vet hospital environment before... shouldn’t you know these things? she’s been with us for a few months now, that’s plenty of time to recognize that future appointments can be done after close if they need to be, and sometimes they’re a good time filler at the end of the night when the last doctor is running behind and you’re just waiting for them to finish up. confirmation calls... kind of need to be done. usually that’s a morning thing, but they’ve become a mid-day/early evening thing now that we’re sending online checkin forms; we like to wait for those to come in, because if an owner has sent it back we mark them as confirmed. fewer calls to do.

I just. ugh. I haven’t complained in a while I guess. I’m annoyed that the head receptionist put me on 3 saturdays this month too, when she had me on 3 saturdays last month. I will have had two weeks with two consecutive days off in the last 6-8 weeks at least. I will have gotten two saturdays off in two months. meanwhile the head receptionist gave herself 3 weekends off this month. I don’t remember how many it was last month, but it was at least 2. I was told (and the new receptionist was told) that it would be basically alternating saturdays. the new girl got 3 weekends off last month too.

I get that the head receptionist has MS. I know it’s hard for her with the pain and insomnia and MS hug and everything else MS comes with. but just because I don’t have a diagnosis... that doesn’t mean I’m not struggling too. I have pain and fatigue too. and she knows this, we’ve had many a chronic-illness-struggle-bus talk when we work together. I spend a LOT of my off-time crashing and recovering from having to be “on” like 6 days of the week. and even my one off-day at a time doesn’t feel like off time, because I end up piling errands and chores into it and I don’t actually get much rest. when I crash it’s like my battery dipped to 5% and I need to nap to get back to 20%. my last crash nap, I realized I’d finally gotten tired enough to crash but when I woke up I was just back to “normal” tired, which still involved yawning til I cried. even our closing doctor today asked how I was doing after close, because apparently I’ve been looking more tired than usual. I told him, well, about as well as can be expected, since they have me on almost every day of the fucking week, most saturdays for the last two months and now this one apparently, I can’t afford therapy anymore, and my body is falling apart. not in quite so many words, but you know.

---

and two days later...

yesterday wasn’t great. today was better but also not great. yesterday I ended up staying until just past 9 because things got so backlogged during the day. the surgery and drop-off paperwork for today hadn’t been done, none of the stupid fake future appointments had been made all day (but thankfully one of the techs helped me with that), and I had scans and file attachments sitting in that one folder all day that needed to be labeled and attached. the confirmation calls needed to be done and I ended up doing them around 5-6pm after handling like.. everything else. the new receptionist stayed almost 40 minutes after her shift to finish her notes yet again, while I was scrambling to stay on top of literally everything else. same with today, but it was only like 15 minutes. she kind of tried to start on confirmation calls after she’d already gone like 10 minutes over but I told her not to worry about it; there weren’t all that many that needed to be done and she’s already staying late for no real reason almost every day. I don’t want it to be on me that she’s getting overtime. because corporate doesn’t want to pay us fucking overtime.

yesterday just.. I don’t know what she’s doing all day that she ends up so behind while I’m doing at least 90% of all the other work. I get that when it’s one phone call after another it’s hard to keep coming back to things, but somehow I make it work. I’m not staying a half hour after my shift ends to write in my client contacts, they’re already done. I’ll take notes on a sticky note sometimes when I’m talking to the owner, sometimes if it’s just a PR call I’ll type it up in the window while I’m on the phone and edit after the call. but literally as soon as that call ends I’m entering in my client contact note. I type it up fast, I get it to whomever’s attention I need to, and I move on. if I get interrupted, I keep my sticky note so I remember to get back to it. I’ve been doing that since I started, and this is my first job as a vet receptionist. this isn’t her first rodeo, like.. what was she doing at her other clinic? if I’m backed up at the end of my shift, it’s because I put off the less pressing things and once the phones are turned over I finally have uninterrupted time to just get it done. but unless someone called or emailed at 6:59pm none of what I’m doing is entering client contacts.

last night just sucked. I didn’t mean to stay that late, and I probably wouldn’t have if a few of the techs and I didn’t have a mini bitch session (tbh, much needed). when I went to leave, there was a huge semi truck parked diagonally across the part of the parking lot where we all park, had its ramp down and everything delivering stuff to the 7-11 that shares our building, and I really thought for a minute that I was blocked in. after staying 2 hours late, that was the last thing I needed. but thankfully they parked with the cab JUST far enough away from this van that’s always parked in the end spot that I was able to back out of my spot and squeeze between them.

then as I was crossing the intersection I hate to get home (it’s crossing a major highway, and people literally always run the red light so it scares me sometimes to cross it), someone in a huge SUV decided to round the corner and slide over to the left, into my lane, without looking and without a turn signal. thankfully I learned to drive in this area so I’ve taught myself to expect stupid shit from literally everyone all the time, so I already had my hand on my horn the second I saw them round the corner. in my trying to move away from them, I’m sure I scared the poor person in the lane to my left who had just crossed the intersection with me. I’m just glad nobody got hit, again the last thing I would’ve needed last night.

and then after all this I came upstairs to change, closed my curtains... and I thought to myself that something smelled weird. I thought the cat might’ve maybe tracked poop out of the litter box again; he has little rock poops and sometimes has constipation issues; I think sometimes he struggles with getting them out because I’ve found little poop nuggets outside the box before and I know he knows where he’s supposed to poop. maybe it just doesn’t come out til he thinks he’s done. but nope, not poop this time. he left a nice pile of vomit right on both blankets on my bed.

I guess it could’ve been worse. could’ve been on my pillows. the blankets aren’t hard to wash. the comforter is a bitch to dry, but it’s not the end of the world. it just... really was the cherry on top after the day I had yesterday.

today was kind of busy, but it felt busier for me. even with my new coworker I still have to do all the wellness plan stuff because she doesn’t know how to yet. I end up taking a number of the worklist tasks. I end up doing all the scans and all the emails. sometimes she’s helpful and saves some things out of the email, and she’ll enter line items for them.. but she’ll put a note saying the document is attached and then not attach it. and I find it hours later when I go to actually attach it. I might just be quick at it because it was one of the few things I could actually do and do well when I started. but that just means it should be easy as hell for her to do too. same with entering medication checks-- I literally hate coming in at 12 for my shift and seeing both people up front with a full ‘medications to be checked’ basket sitting on the back counter. somehow whenever I open I manage to get those all in. you literally just have to pull up the patient’s chart, read the initials on the label (that’s who filled and checked the medication) and enter your initials saying you verified. then you put it in the med drawer, alphabetically by last name. it’s literally that easy. all the mindless, simple tasks that I was doing when I started... still seem to be my job. the lead and head receptionists won’t do it, god knows. they’ll maybe put some papers in the scanner if they happen to be up. the lead receptionist will sometimes label them. but that’s it. I feel like I’m doing the bulk of all that. and I don’t MIND. like I said, I’d rather be doing that than the managerial stuff. but I’d like to not be doing 95+% of it. it would be nice to have some help, divide the work.

I have another project to get to; office manager and head vet want me to go through all the files in the back room so we can rip out those shelves and make it into a little employee lounge area. and I can do it-- I actually have a list of all the physical file numbers, and what I’m going to do is look up each folder number in our system and determine which ones can be tossed and which need to be scanned in. hopefully that shouldn’t take more than a few days, provided I have time to actually work on it. I haven’t had time for it this week yet, except for a few minutes before close tonight. I only work on that when I have nothing else to do. thankfully the head receptionist gave me one shift this month that I can use to just focus on that. I did ask for that-- I let her know that if I was going to get this done by the end of the year like the office manager said, I’d need to have time to dedicate to it. and I think it took me 2 months just to get through the front files. this should go faster, since none of them are scanned in so I don’t have to go scrolling through the scans looking for new client paperwork and hours disclosures. I just have to determine which ones are still active clients, which ones I can inactivate, which ones are already inactive, so on. it’s drudging work, honestly, but I like feeling like I’m getting something done. I was so proud to see the shelves in the front get taken out, like.. that was thanks to my work getting the files scanned in. we had a contractor come in the other day to talk about plans for the space. I’m not sure when they’re planning on getting the new countertop and retail shelves in, but I know it’s happening. once I can get the back files done that’ll be nice too.

I worry that I don’t know how much time I have left at the clinic. I haven’t really voiced any thoughts about leaving. but at my current pay this is even less sustainable than it already was. my paychecks were reading ~$800+ every other week because of the extra hours I’d been able to put in once our COVID shifts ended. but even with extra time, my first paycheck after my birthday was just over $600. with health insurance taken out.. this just isn’t going to work. half my rent is $750 a month, and now that’s more than half my pay. I haven’t applied anywhere yet, and honestly it breaks my heart to think about leaving the clinic, but I do need to earn more. and mom’s being a little more convincing about me getting a remote job somewhere even tangentially related to my field. it would be safer for me to be able to stay at home. and I need the money.

I’m starting to realize that she’s probably right, that not all office jobs are like my last one. I told my mom I’m just not the desk-job type person, because I really, truly feel like I’m not, and she said “...you’re doing a desk job right now”. maybe it’s just that here I feel like I’m getting something done. I can drag myself through just about anything if I know there’s an end goal and it’s within reach. even if it’s boring. at my old job it was neverending, and my work was pointless. it was slapping bandaids on a rickety, unstable wooden roller coaster. if I fixed one problem, that fix inevitably caused another problem. anyone would feel discouraged by that, I think. mom’s trying to get me to look at technical writer jobs. there’s one company she’s familiar with that would pay something close to what the feds were offering me. and I don’t think I’d have to be cleared. I could live on that money. and if it’s a remote job, I could move anywhere. somewhere more affordable. maybe even closer to friends. holding on to that idea makes me feel a little better about things.

---

maybe today I’ll take a look at those jobs. I need to process claims for Jasper’s most recent ER visit too. and call another doctor’s office about setting up an appointment. I decided to spend today in bed instead of on the couch downstairs. it’s my one off-day this week, I just want to rest a little.

#over the course of three and a half days #when u don't have people to talk to ha ha

0 notes

maladaptive---daydreamer · 7 years ago

Text

#VeryBothered

Fandom: The Vampire Diaries

Pairing: Damon Salvatore x reader

Summary/Request: A bunch of people asked for a part two to #Unbothered so here it is.

Word Count: 3130

A/N: Italics indicate a shift in perspective. This was meant to be fluff but it turned out to be the complete opposite. #sorrynotsorry

Hair? Check.

Makeup? Check.

Purse? Check.

Card, just in case? Check.

Keys? Check

You heard the honk of the horn of your cab and rushed out of your house. Once you’d sat down in the backseat and told the driver your destination, your phone went off - Damon.

Damon: What are you doing tonight?

Y/N: Got a date. Sorry babe xx

Damon: Biggest eye roll in history.

Y/N: Did you really just full stop me? Wow, Damon

Damon: Send me your location in case you need an emergency pick up

Y/N: Yes sir

You used the send location feature and then locked your phone, sliding it into your clutch bag. It had been 4 months since you met Damon and found out about his abilities. Since then the two of you had become best friends. Your friendship came easily and you two bounced off each other’s sarcastic comments and sexual minds.

You were on your way to a date with a guy you met in the men's department of H&M. You gave him advice on a few t-shirts and he asked for your number. He told you to meet him at an upscale burger joint 20 minutes from your house. The cab driver dropped you off at the kerb right outside the burger place. You quickly paid him and got out of the cab to see your date, Ryan, smoking a cigarette outside.

“Hey, Y/N”

“Hey” You replied, hugging him and kissing his cheek.

He killed his cigarette and threw the butt into a bin before leading you into the restaurant.

“I hope you like burgers,” He said with a smile as you waited for your table.

“pizza and burgers are my go to”

“Burger Boutique? what kind of name is that for a burger place?” Damon scoffed.

“Will you just admit to yourself that you're jealous?” Stefan replied leaning back in his seat.

“I am not jealous, Stefan, I'm just annoyed that this guy is taking my best friend, whom I care for dearly, to the shittest place possible for a first date”

“No, you're annoyed that the woman you love is out on a date with another guy because you were too scared to make a move.”

“Y’know brother, you might just be onto something here”

“Aren’t I always?”

Damon flicked his middle finger up as he collected his car keys and left the house. He got into his car and set the GPS for the restaurant. Once he was there he threw his keys into the valet’s hand and picked up a random ticket stub from the stand. He walked in and scanned the restaurant to see where they were seated.

“Hi, welcome to Burger Boutique, I’m Clara. Can I have your reservation name please?”

“Not here on a reservation here to see a friend”

“Well I’m afraid you’ll have to wait until your friend leaves sir, I can’t let you past this point without a reservation.”

Damon growled in frustration before putting his hands on the hostess’ face and compelling his entrance.He spotted the two of them giggling away in the corner of the restaurant and his inquisitiveness got the better of him as he strained to listen to their conversation over the music and chatter.

“So my boss just walks out of his office with coffee all down his shirt and the client walks out a few seconds later holding a cheque and his brand new coffee machine”

“I would kill to work in your office”

“I could sort out a transfer you know. I mean you're great at what you do and our company could really use someone as driven and ambitious as you.”

“I’ll think about it”

It took Damon a moment to realise that he needed to distract Y/N and so he sent her a quick text about an emergency and her needing to call him. He watched as her phone went off and she checked it. She apologised and went into the ladies bathroom.

Damon took this as his chance and went to the table sitting in Y/N’s seat.

“Yo dude, my date’s supposed to be sitting there”

“Your ‘date’ just so happens to be the love of my life so you're going to tell her somethings come up and leave. Do you understand?” Damon said staring into Ryan’s eyes.

Damon got up and returned to his spot hidden in the restaurant. He watched as she Sat down and Ryan quickly blurt out his excuse. He dropped 2 fifties on the table and rushed out leaving Y/N there extremely confused. Damon followed Ryan out and stood outside the restaurant waiting for her to come out. She came out with her head down and Damon took this as his queue to make his presence known.

“Shit date?” He asked.

You looked up and saw Damon standing with his hands in his pockets.Your head dropped again as you laughed out a ‘yeah’

“Why don’t we go to the bar-”

“What are you doing here? I thought you said that there was an emergency? I went to call you back and when you didn't answer I went back to the table to see Ryan had gone too”

The realisation dawned on you.

“You’re a complete and utter ass. I hope you rot.”

“Y/N-”

“Don’t even think you can talk to me. Leave me the fuck alone, Damon”

“We can talk this out”

“You fucking wish. Go run back to Elena you son of a bitch.”

To your luck, a cab was driving past and you quickly hailed it asking the driver get you away from Damon as fast as he could.You were seething. You spent the entire car ride with your hands fisted. You wanted nothing more than to punch the bastard in his smug face but you knew you’d end up needing to drink his blood again, something that was no longer a rare occurrence. The cab driver dropped you off and gave you the ride on the house thinking that you had just broken up with your boyfriend. You gave a half smile as you trudged back into your house wanting nothing more than to sleep.

Damon was selfish. You knew that. You just didn’t think that he’d stop you from getting your happiness.

You spent the next week avoiding Damon and Damon related activities. No boarding house, no grill, no hospital, no police department. You went from home to work and from work to home. no stopping unnecessarily which worked for Monday through Saturday but then Sunday rolled around, your boss insisted that you take a day off work and refused to pay you for any overtime you did on Sunday so you were forced to stay home. You woke up at 7 am and cleaned your house from top to bottom. At midday, you stopped cleaning, showered and went grocery shopping. You dropped off the groceries and put them away before feeling brave enough to venture out to get some pizza as a treat for avoiding Damon the whole week.

All it took was a quick car ride to Tony's and then a 2-minute walk to the park to enjoy your pizza pie and a bottle of Lorraine's freshly made lemonade. You parked your car up and walked into Tony's. The smell of freshly baked pizza invaded your nostrils and you immediately felt welcome. Due to the popularity of Tony's restaurant, it was hard for him to amass regulars like other pizzerias but you were one of the very few people who made it to regular status. Regular status meant that there was always a bottle of lemonade and a slice of tiramisu and cheesecake on hold for you.

"Aye, Y/N!"

"Hey Marcus, where's your dad?"

"Doctors appointment. You want the usual?"

"please"

Marcus nodded and called your order out. You took a seat on one of the stools as you waited for your pizza to be made.

"Where's Damon at?"

"He and I are in an argument right now."

Marcus nodded and didn't press any further. Instead, he unlocked his phone and began texting someone else. 10 minutes later your pizza was ready and you headed over to the park.

You found an empty picnic table under a tree and set your stuff down. You opened up your iPad to a new episode of a show you were watching and took a slice of your pizza.

Moments later the sun that was coming from behind you was blocked and a man sat in front of you on the other side of the bench.

"You've been avoiding me"

"Gee I wonder how you got that impression?"

"Y/N, I'm sorry"

"I liked him, Damon, I really did. He was smart, funny, driven. He liked the same shows as me and hated mushroom on pizza like me too. I really felt like we could have had a relationship. Now you've probably compelled him to choke on his tongue when he's 10 feet near me."

"I just couldn't let him be with you"

"Why, because Elena left you for your brother and now you're alone and so now everyone else needs to be alone too? I'm not putting my life on hold for you, Damon. Unlike you, I don't have the rest of eternity to spend wasting my life away. In 60-70 years I'll be dead. I will not spend those years alone because my best friend couldn't find someone to be with."

"I like you god damn it. No, I love you. I found you sexy from the moment you told me to fuck off that night and I fell for you the moment you trusted me not to kill you. You of all people know how hard it is for me to love. I get obsessed, I go crazy. I become weak. But if all of that is to be with you I don't care."

"No way, you're not guilt tripping me-"

"How am I guilt tripping you?"

"You want me to feel pity for you and you want me to be like' Oh Damon I love you too let's go back to your house where I spend the entirety of our relationship wrapped in wool and forbidden from doing anything.' Not today, Satan, not today"

"Did you just call me Satan?"

"Yeah because you're a devilish prick"

"We're going off topic here"

"What do you want me to say to you? That I love you too? You can hear from my heartbeat that I'm lying."

"I want you to say that it's okay. That what I did is justified and that you'll give me a chance."

"What you did isn't okay. You put your feelings before mine and meddled with my love life. You compelled the one guy that I thought I had a connection with into leaving me mid way through our date. Do you know how fucking embarrassing it is to have to ask for the bill after every single waitress and waiter just saw the guy you were having dinner with bolt out? No, you don't because you're Damon Selfish Salvatore. Nothing can justify what you did. Nothing"

"I haven't felt like this for anyone else except Elena-""

Here we go with the Elena BULLSHIT. Elena this, Elena that. Elena would run through the forest with me. Elena would stake a guy. Elena wouldn't think this irrationally. News fucking flash Salvatore, I'm not Elena. I won't be Elena, I won't like Elena. I won't replace Elena."

"I'm not asking you to"

"Are you sure, because throughout our friendship she's come first. Like that night I called in a code blue and you blew me off. I had to spend the anniversary of my grandmother's death alone because Elena needed a shoulder to cry on. Or the night I was at a work party and my car wouldn't start. 'Sorry Y/N, I can't make it. Elena's here and she's really sad.' Or there was the night I got attacked by a vampire when I was on the way to see you and your brother was the one who saved me. Your brother was the one who made me drink his blood so that I wouldn't bleed out on the sidewalk. You wanna know why Stefan was the one to save me, Damon?"

Damon stared down at the grass.

"Because you were too busy with your head up Elena's ass that you completely forgot we were going out to celebrate my promotion. So you tell me that I'm not just a replacement for her"

“You're not. You never will be. I only loved Elena because of my obsession with Katherine. She means nothing to me. I swear to you. Please just let me make this up to you.”

“Damon, I’m not going to give you false hope. I don’t know where this leaves us. I don’t know if I still want to be your friend.”

“I understand. But Friday night. I’m going to have your date all set up. If you find it in your heart to forgive me and give me a chance I’ll be waiting all night”

“Damon-”

But he had already gone. Leaving you an angry, emotional wreck. You slammed the lid of your pizza box shut and angrily shoved your things back into your bag before stomping back to your car and driving back home.

You walked into the kitchen to drop off your pizza box to see flowers on the kitchen counter.

“Please, I’m begging you, forgive me. D”

You scrunched up the note and were about to throw the vase on the floor when the vase went from mid air back onto the counter.

“I never invited you in”

“Yes, you did when I had to carry your limp corpse back home.”

“Fuck now both of your crazy Salvatores are allowed in my safe haven.”

“I take it your conversation with Damon went well.”

“Fucking amazing”

“Damon is never the best when it comes to conveying emotion. When he has feelings towards someone he doesn't act right.”

“He embarrassed me on my date with a guy I really liked!”

“I understand your frustration, but at least consider coming on Friday.”

“Stefan”

“He loves you, Y/N. I know you don’t feel the same and you never viewed him in that way but at least give him a chance.”

“I did. In the beginning, I liked him, a lot. But Elena was in the way, so I got over him and Ryan was the first guy I felt a genuine attraction to and could see myself falling in love with him.”

“That’s good, we can work on that”

“No, we can’t Stef. I had feelings for him and I had to get over them because there was someone else in the picture. When the roles are reversed he uses his stupid vampire bullshit to get the other person out of the picture. Don’t you see how unfair that shit is?”

“It’s going to take me time to figure things out. I don’t even know if I want to figure things out”

“Y/N, please”

“Get out, Stefan”

“Just think about it.”

“My answer won’t change.”

Stefan nodded and left, vase in tow.

Damon woke up on Friday morning with the same soulless feeling. It had been 6 days since he last spoke to Y/N and it was really taking its toll on him. He picked up the bourbon bottle from next to him and took a long swig. He held the bottle while he went downstairs to give his bottle a companion. As he walked past the foyer he saw an envelope on the floor with his name on it.

The bourbon bottle fell out of his hand and shattered just like his heart. He numbly walked up to the envelope and ripped it open.

Damon,

I don’t know how to start with this. I’m just so angry and frustrated and sad.

I don’t know if you knew but in the beginning, I had a little crush on you. It was silly really but I saw the way you looked at her so I got over it. You’d expect me to be over the moon at the fact that you reciprocate my feelings, stronger. But I’m not.

It hurts to know that I am just second best. I’m the backup, the consolation prize if you will.

You're probably denying it all in your head right now, but we both know it's true. If you really cared for me I wouldn’t be the one on the sidelines, I’d be playing in the game with you. (I don’t know where that sports reference case from, what the fuck)

I’m not coming to your date tonight. I thought I’d just save you the trouble. You won’t be seeing my sexy face, I'd be pretty upset too. Actually, you won’t be seeing me around town for some time actually. I’m going back home (like to my parents). I've worked some stuff out with work and they're letting me work from home. I need to clear my mind and get away from all the drama of this town. I hope you understand, and if you don’t then you can fuck yourself with a bottle Hennessy.

See ya on the flipside, I hope.

Love From

Y/N

P.S Burn this once you’ve memorised it (I know you well enough to know that when you get Like This you do weird shit), no one can know what a softie I am.

Damon wanted so much to scrunch the letter up and burn it but instead, he found himself back in his room folding the letter up and placing it into his wallet. He packed up a bag wrote a quick note to Stefan of his plans before sliding behind the wheel of his car with his switch flipped.

Both of you had left your hearts in Mystic Falls and only time could tell if the two of you would be back to collect them.

#damon salvatore #damon imagine #damon salvatore oneshot #damon salvatore one shot #damon salvatore imagine #damon salvatore x reader #damon salvatore fanfiction #damon fanfiction #damon salvatore fan fic #the vampire diaries #the vampire diaries imagine #the vampire diaries oneshot #the vampire diaries one shot #the vampire diaries reader insert

208 notes · View notes