#I have a lot of little plans for mirabelle cause i love her so i shall bully her a little bit

[mari-lair]

What would the 'Siffrin tears the Tutorial Sadness to shreds'/[Memory of Sadness] scene look like in the Sif is Out au?

[Memory of Sadness] is a Mirabelle memory in the 'sif is out' au

She is so blinding stressed by how Durmond and The House never change, by the lack of answers and progress in their journey when everyone is counting on 'the savior chosen by the Change God to save Vaugard!', that one loop she just snaps, she can't stand all these sadnesses in her ways.

Time keeps moving even after Siffrin is borderline afraid in his surprise and her fellow looping party members are worried. She doesn't control the loops, so time isn't rewind after gaining the memory, she doesn't stay in that state the whole loop but she destroys way more than one sadness in that loop.

If you check the last part of the AU Menu, she has one level more than everyone.

[arandomperson5647]

Encanto info from Jared Bush's Q&As

This is a little place where you can find (hopefully) a lot of info Jared has said in his Q&As. This is if you wanna check smth and don't wanna go on a hunt to confirm it since it's been so long. Idk if I got everything, I highly doubt I did, so if you have a piece of info I don't have and have a link to it, I can edit it on. Ngl I'm also kinda doing this for myself cuz I was curious to know everything he's told us. I'll mostly summarize the answer so it isn't longer than it needs to be, but I'll also copy+paste if I'm too lazy.

The info here kinda varies from interesting, to obvious stuff, to potentially pointless but really any of it can be used to do whatever.

Some of the answers he provided aren't concrete solid ("I think __ would happen", "I always thought ___", etc), so take this all with a grain of salt. I'll try to phrase the uncertain ones differently so you know they're not 100% (probably, possibly, might, etc). If the answer he gives is completely up to interpretation, then I won't include it. Some might be repeated cuz I don't feel like looking back to see if he answered the same question twice.

Just to warn you guys before you click "keep reading", this is a LONG post, so if you don't want it fill up your page, don't click it unless you really wanna read everything.

Antonio's Birthday Q&A #2 (5/21/23)

Canon universe:

Dolores never truly believed Bruno was still around. She heard stuff, but everyone told her he was gone, so she thought she was imagining things. "I knew he never left" was her way of saying "I shouldn't have doubted myself."

Antonio was a shy kid and animals are were easier for him to make friends with.

The potteries in Bruno's room were because it was fairly public for people who want visions, so they're probably a nod to that.

When Pedro went to the attackers when he died, he was planning to reason with them.

Luisa's associated with donkeys because they’re beasts of burden and that’s how everyone treated her.

Mirabel has her embroidery because she loves her family, but potentially also because she subconsciously want to make sure the villagers know despite having no gift she is every bit a Madrigal.

Isabela might potentially secretly like Pepa's chaos.

Julieta's really good at hiding her feelings about the pressure of being the town's healer, but she's also a naturally strong person.

There's a reason why Bruno's single but Jared didn't tell us.

Bruno's favorite food is Ajiaco, but potentially also big butt ants.

Julieta probably noticed Mirabel wasn't in the pic at Antonio's ceremony immediately after it was taken, but Mirabel had already left by then.

For a while, Bruno's limit for future seeing was until the fall of Castia, but now it's limitless.

Alma didn't necessarily approve of Agustín at first because he wasn't overly spectacular or confident.

Mirabel and Camilo got along well when they were young, but after Mirabel's ceremony, Camilo felt more pressure to perform and show off.

Even before his gift, Bruno probably worried and wondered about the future, which is what caused his gift.

The Madrigals mostly assumed Bruno had somehow left the Encanto after his disappearance.

The birth of the miracle happened near the turn of the 20th century, and Antonio's ceremony was 50 years later.

The 5th birthdays for the Madrigals is the big one. The others are "regular".

Camilo often annoys Isabela for fun and also because he's a bit envious of her. They're kinda opposite, perfect vs a clown.

The post-movie relationship between Mirabel and Isabela is probably mischevious.

Bruno probably already was breaking from pressure when Isabela was only in single digits.

Alma was loving to all her grandchildren, but sometimes it felt conditional due to her expectations. She wasn't self-aware enough to realize.

Félix can play the tiple, but not shown in the film.

Agustín and Félix probably wore their respective colors before marrying their respective wives. Their colors are also a nod to regionality.

Alma might've seen cracks before Mirabel saw them at Antonio's ceremony (not at the moment tho), giving her a reason to actually believe Mirabel and pray to Pedro.

Based off the book "Mystery in the Rainforest", Dolores and Mariano are engaged and planning a wedding soon.

There is a school in the Encanto, but since it's closed off and was formed in the beginning of the 20th century, new info would cease.

Pedro might've been the one to know sewing and embroidery. He taught it to Alma, who taught Julieta and Mirabel. She probably taught others but Mirabel did it the most.

Bruno's door might've started glowing again during his vision in Antonio's room because Mirabel is making him feel included in the family (and therefore Casita) again.

The Madrigals do have friends groups, just not shown.

Camilo's gift can be tiring. Like an actor playing their part.

Mirabel probably would've had a negative or even traumatic impact from the fall of Castia, mostly due to a near death experience.

The Madrigals have never tested their gifts beyond the Encanto, so it's still a mystery on what happens.

Antonio probably can talk to animals from different countries, not just Colombia.

Camilo sometimes tries to impress everyone with his gift.

Mirabel's birthday became "stressful" ever since her 5th.

Isabela would probably help Antonio decorate his room with crazy plants.

Behind the scenes:

5/21 is Afro-Colombian Day, which is why that's Antonio's bday.

There used to be a deleted scene of Mirabel getting grounded by Casita.

The Guzmans originally had the same number of family members as the Madrigals, and each member was like a doppelgänger of each gifted Madrigal child, except Mirabel, who was represented in the Guzman family by a goat.

There used to be a scene where Camilo's gift goes haywire at night or smth (can't figure out the full pic for this one).

Writers considered early on that Mirabel would want to leave, but they decided that from a character and cultural perspective, leaving her family would have been the absolute worst thing she could imagine.

It's never been established how long the ceremony doors appear before the ceremony, but 9 months has been considered.

Early versions would show that Alma had strict parents. It may or may not be true now, but it would make sense.

Mirabel used to have a gap in her teeth to show her quirkiness, but was removed because they wanted to show it in other ways.

Encanto Disney+ Hollywood Bowl Q&A (12/28/22)

Cannon universe:

Emotions can sometimes affect Bruno's visions.

Camilo often helped take care of babies even before Antonio's birth. He was just naturally good with them.

The stairs in Bruno's room probably grew as he became more distanced, so they probably lessened when Casita came back.

Luisa's favorite sister is probably Mirabel.

Camilo would probably sometimes be happy that Isabela found her true self, while also a bit jealous. It depends on the moment.

The Madrigals' reaction to someone entering the Encanto would probably be chaotic.

As a way to protect them, Alma was always a little strict on her family.

Julieta and Agustín often worried how Mirabel was doing, especially for Antonio's ceremony.

Alma tried to show she loved Mirabel in her own way after her ceremony and before the movie.

Camilo's experience being the only boy in the house for a while was...interesting. Not the easiest.

Pepa and Dolores' gifts have caused some difficulties between the two.

Especially post-movie, Bruno, Agustín and Félix would be a ridiculous trio.

The candle is now gone, but a new miracle took its place.

Félix and Mirabel have a good relationship, especially post-movie.

Isabela's 5th birthday was the first gift ceremony for the grandchildren.

Bruno was probably superstitious before moving in the walls.

Before the house fell, Alma probably wouldn't like Dolores marrying Mariano. After, she'd accept it.

The other Madrigals might have hidden potential in their gifts, much like Isabela did.

The townspeople mostly either put the Madrigals on a high pedestal or see them as equals.

Isa probably had at least one flower she'd intentionally give Mirabel allergies with.

Bruno was probably a bit popular at one point.

Adopted Madrigal kids that were 6+ would probably still get a gift.

Mirabel's near-sighted.

Camilo's probably gotten in trouble for his disguises at times.

Bruno's mostly a rat guy because he's around them the most.

Pepa has a sweet tooth but doesn't let her self have too much due to her weather.

Isabela can grow trees and crops.

There's no definite reason why Isa was the favorite grandchild, but being the eldest didn't help.

When Alma said "the magic is strong, and so are the drinks", she was really trying to get everyone back to the party.

The gifts can tire out the Madrigals if used a lot, sometimes physical pain can occur.

Alma might have siblings, but it's not confirmed.

Behind the scenes:

There used to be a scene of Mirabel getting grounded. Idk if it's the same scene as the previous one mentioned, but the context of the question might suggest otherwise. ("What would've happened to Mirabel if she was found after the dinner?")

There were versions in the end credits of everyone reuniting with Bruno.

There is potential for a Madrigal with OCD, autism, etc, but not yet confirmed.

Triplet's Birthday Q&A (8/17/23)

Cannon universe:

Bruno and the grandkids now watch telenovelas together.

Julieta's favorite food is probably ajiaco.

Mirabel's first word would potentially be "sita" because she loved Casita but couldn't say the full word.

Dolores' room has a lot of soundproofing.

The reason Mirabel seems to interact with Castia the most out of the Madrigals is because she was mostly an outsider, with only Casita to talk to.

Encanto is a hidden place, so simply finding it is near impossible.

There are respected town elders in Encanto, but Alma is considered the founder.

Pedro said something to Alma before he died, potentially in Spanish, but it's not confirmed what.

In terms of personality, Mirabel is the closest to Pedro.

For adoptive kids, Casita may be able to anticipate the arrival of someone new even before the family is consciously aware of it, giving them a new door.

Bruno's a fan of chocolate.

Mirabel loves every color. She has no known favorite.

Julieta got married first between her and Pepa.

Bruno's rats aren't sentient like humans, so Bruno would have to train them to do whatever.

It's possible another Madrigal felt resentment towards Bruno after he left.

Julieta's gift possibly only works with a combo of cooking and giving, but not confirmed.

Bruno learned how to use his gift through practice and invented customs. It was complicated.

Julieta probably needs to know the person's injury before healing it.

The majority of the Madrigals' dominate hands are right. Julieta and Antonio are left handed. Luisa is ambidextrous. It's unsure, but Mirabel is potentially left handed.

Mirabel's favorite food is arepa con queso.

Antonio's favorite snack is nailed rice.

Agustín and Félix have jobs in the town, but not confirmed what.

In a book, it was mentioned that Bruno was the golden child of the family. He probably fell from that position in his late teens.

Agustín's favorite meal from Julieta is chocolate santafereño.

Gifts can possibly be repeated, but not in the same generation.

The refugees/townspeople had brought everything from home they used to start farming when the Encanto formed.

Isabela and Mariano still have a good relationship after the movie. Neither were too wild about the engagement.

The bedrooms can change if their owner wants them to.

The gift ceremonies will now be different without a candle.

Madrigals still do the traditional quinceañera.

The Encanto doesn't have electricity.

Bruno has left the walls a few times for a break.

Isabela will probably keep switching up her outfit now that she can.

Luisa has always felt protective of Mirabel.

Behind the scenes:

Casita used to have shown that it has only 1 bathroom, which was located in the back right corner under Bruno's tower.

There was a deleted scene where Julieta yelled at Alma in front of the entire town after Mirabel went missing.

Julieta is the one singing w/ Mirabel during the "constellations glow/the seasons change in turn" lyric.

There used to be a version of Bruno using water with his vision.

The line said by Mirabel, "Even in our darkest moments there's light where you least expect it" was cut after Lin Manuel Miranda wrote Dos Oruguitas and the emotional thrust of Mirabel’s words needed to evolve to encompass what she’d just learned.

There was a Waiting on a Miracle reprise that was cut because they felt they didn't need it.

The concept of a new door appearing was considered to start with the doorknob.

No one intervened during Alma and Mirabel's argument because the writers felt that it was Mirabel's moment to shine.

VERY early on, Bruno (then known as Oscar) was Mirabel's estranged cousin.

Indestructibility was a gift they wanted to use. It was actually Pepa's original gift.

Dolores' Birthday Q&A (8/31/22)

Cannon universe:

People in Isabela's position wouldn't really have the chance to have authentic relationships because they're hiding their true self. This could potentially apply to Isa herself.

Before Mirabel's ceremony, her family was excited for her. After, the family’s ability to see Mirabel clearly was too obscured by their unhealthy dynamics but were probably unaware of that until Mirabel brought it to light.

Bruno's oversized clothing was by personal preference, potentially because of his awkward nature.

Before Isabela showed up in Bruno's vision, another person was there, who is possibly a young Alma. While not confirmed, it is implied in Jared's answer.

Félix and Agustín already had gifts, just not in a way that others could see.

Isabela lets herself break the rules, so while not confirmed, it's possible she could recreate mythical plants.

The town probably functions like a combination of where everyone came from.

The triplets used to have little meetings in Bruno's room when they were little.

Behind the scenes:

There used to be a scene where Bruno revealed he had a secret elevator in his room.

Agustín's Birthday Q&A (6/19/22)

Cannon universe:

Part of what fuels the miracle is unconditional love. When Mirabel and Isa showed that during What Else can I Do?, it affected the magic.

Julieta often gives people the food they like rather than something random.

For a long time, Isabela was the favorite grandchild for Alma. Before her ceremony, Mirabel was. After Casita's rebuild, many dynamics changed.

Agustín was born in the Encanto, but his family was from a city, so he was raised with the city-vibe.

Luisa's favorite food is bandeja paisa.

Every gift can be affected by emotions in some way.

Casita probably helped Bruno hide, but not confirmed.

If Mirabel and Bruno decided to leave the Encanto after Casita fell, the entire family would've fallen apart.

The only people in the Encanto were the ones who traveled with Alma. They all got there at the same time, no one got in or out.

Behind the scenes:

There used to be an exit for Bruno's wall room behind the family tree, but it wasn't used.

Antonio's Birthday Q&A (5/21/22)

Cannon universe:

Mirabel's canonically 5'2.

Mirabel has good relationships with Pepa and Félix. Félix loves everyone and likes hanging out with pretty much anybody. Pepa is a good tia, she’s just very emotional, but for most of the movie (and her life before) felt she had to bottle her emotions which only made them worse.

Bruno probably doesn't need the sand for visions, but as time went on he added his own superstitions.

The color of the magic in the end changed. It wasn't the color of the candle anymore, but the colors of Mirabel. What that means? No one knows.

Bruno "felt" his vision cave collapsing and investigated. That's how he knew it was destroyed.

Camilo couldn't really hold a form forever because of how tiring it could be.

Mirabel did have a quinceañera.

Casita has a mind of its own with its own emotions. Sometimes it could play pranks on the Madrigals or be too upset to move anything.

Behind the scenes:

Earlier versions had a negative dynamic between Mirabel and Camilo.

The gifts are based off family archetypes. Antonio is a shy kid but opens up to animals.

Random Q&A (3/19/22)

Cannon universe:

The main reason for Mirabel and Isa's falling out was because they couldn’t see the difficulties the other was experiencing, because they were fixated on their own struggles. They were probably closer when they were younger.

Despite being shy, Antonio does have friends in the town.

Due to the triplets' bday being the same day as Pedro's death, it's a mixed day.

Pepa can try to stop natural disasters, but doesn't usually succeed.

Mirabel would sometimes have sleepovers with her sisters when they were younger. There was a deleted scene showing it.

The pink cloud scene in Surface Pressure represents the stuff Luisa wanted to do without the pressure.

Behind the scenes:

Tbh there wasn't any answers that could qualify as behind the scenes sooo... 🤷

Stuff that didn't come from Q&As but is still good info

Madrigal Birthdays (I'm not doing a link for each, just take my word for it lol):

Félix: November 11 (11/11)

Julieta, Pepa, Bruno: October 17 (10/17)

Agustín: June 19 (6/19)

Isabela: August 7 (8/7)

Dolores: August 31 (8/31)

Luisa: November 14 (11/14)

Camilo: December 28 (12/28)

Mirabel: March 6 (3/6)

Antonio: May 21 (5/21)

Madrigal ages:

Alma: 75

Julieta, Pepa, Bruno: 50

Isabela: 21

Dolores: 21

Luisa: 19

Camilo: 15

Mirabel: 15

Antonio: 5

I don't believe the husbands' ages are confirmed, but Félix is confirmed to be a little older than the triplets, while Agustín is a little younger than the triplets.

Julieta is the oldest of the triplets, Pepa in the middle, and Bruno is the baby.

[jacarandaaaas]

First off, I LOVE your camp counselor au, it's so cute! I can see Moana teaching the kiddos how to weave baskets or weave different objects and such.

Yes, I know Mirabel handles the arts & crafts, but I like to think Moa will join in sometimes.

But I saw your babysitting duo idea and I find that cute too! Like, imagine a cute daycare center kind of like the Playcare poppy playtime but smaller and A LOT safer (Or the daycare in fnaf security breach if you don't watch poppy playtime stuff).

Mirabel obviously handles the arts and crafts part; she also teaches the kiddies how to knit. Knitting needles aren't all that sharp but there are rubber guards on them just in case.

Camilo makes the snacks and usually plans the activities for the day. He tries to make up new things to do but it's a little hard. I HC Camilo knows his way around the kitchen.

He has a sock puppet theater to entertain the kids with when he doesn't feel like shifting. He's funny so he has the youngins always cackling.

Maybe the daycare has five parts? One is where the kids play and hang out and such (in the front), the other is where they sleep (in the back). The colors in the sleep room have more blueish and purple colors.

It smells like lavender and vanilla to make the kids sleep easier. Mira and Cami both take turns watching over them. Basic image of the layout:

Superstar Daycare Music (Loop with reverb) | Five Nights at Freddy's: Security Breach - YouTube

The daycare should be as big as the one in the video with the sleep room being a little smaller.

Even though Camilo has a list of all the kids' allergies and memorized them by heart, he and Mira have EpiPens locked and loaded just in case. No accidents have occurred yet but neither of them is willing to take the risk.

I think they would most likely babysit kids 5-10. It's a little easier than handling babies because at least kids at those ages can voice their opinion or explain why their crying.

And this, I find it funny. Milo don't play when it comes to pick up hours.

Camilo don't play when it comes to pick up hours. Mirabel calls the kiddos "butterflies" and Camilo calls them "Lil chameleons" or "Lil shifters".

When it comes to boo boo's both of them are locked and loaded with colorful band aids and homemade candy too. I think Mirabel is the one who makes the candy, she seems like a candy maker to me.

If you want to know more let me know, I'll be brainstorming in the meantime. This idea is so cute to me!

hi! thank you so much glad you love it!! and yes omg I didn’t even think of that! moana absolutely would weave baskets with them! As for the activities they both help eachother out with them it’s just not their main focus! moana probably doesn’t know much about handicrafts but she’s happy to help! and mira sucks at watersports but she’s there for support! it’s very collaborative!

Ahh glad you like the babysitting idea! I feel like in a more modern setting the two of them would work at a daycare over summer! mirabel definitely would do all kinds of crafts with the kids! She’s someone who I cant see restricting herself to one kind she does a bit of everything! camilo and the kitchen😭😭 oh he’s definitely familiar with it! The sock puppet theater is adorable omg! I can imagine him also letting the kids put on their own shows with it! that’s such a sweet idea !! Aww I love this concept! I can imagine mirabels mochila being just FULL of bandages and candy! like she somehow always has candy on her and nobody knows how! camilo being the stricter one is so funny😭 even mirabel is taken aback cause he’s never been so assertive before omg!? she’s like “damn I didn’t know you could do that”

This idea is so fun!!

[thisstableground]

can you talk a little bit about Cross Your Fingers and the decision to continue it into Not An Anchor I am thinking about it 24/7

lets go lets go! this will get SO SO LONG don't feel obliged to read it all

cross your fingers was pretty much always going to happen as soon as i decided to write encanto fic at all. the part of stories i always find most interesting is the aftermath, the bits that aren’t actually written.

there is a feeling i have experienced several times in my life: it is of waking up the day after something big, whether it was good or bad, and realising that your life is divided into a point before that and a point after that happened. you wake up in your brand new apartment. you wake up after they let you out of the hospital. you wake up after your life is ruined. you wake up after you hand in your thesis. it’s this fragile, shellshocked thing, where you have to start constructing the next stage of your life and you’ve no idea where to start, and one of the most distinctly memorable feelings i can recall.

anyway. i find myself going towards that kind of moment a lot in my writing. we wrapped it all up neatly, but life goes on after the credits. love an aftermath, love a rebuild. so that’s what cross your fingers was going to be, just scratching the itch that the rebuild montage at the end of Encanto gave me and expanding it out. giving some extra emotional resolution that i felt they all desperately needed. giving them those weeks of fragile, hurt, hopeful first days after something terrible happened, after something incredible happened.

(and also because i had that scene where bruno tells them he was living in the walls pretty much before any of the rest of the fic and it was too good to waste so i needed a story to put it in)

i actually didnt plan to add to it with not an anchor, initially. the people who are hanging out here just for encanto might not know, but ive spent. oh Several years now writing an obscure crossover fic series that is basically just a very long deep-dive into mental health recovery after an intense trauma, and i love it so, so dearly. so like, much as i instantly latched onto bruno as another sad tired little man for the collection, i didn’t want to just retell the same story i’ve already been telling in 90verse

so how'd i end up doing the sequel? well. writing cross your fingers gave me a chance to get to grips with one of the things that is delightful and unique about mirabel in the family: it’s that she sees people so completely. it’s something that she has to learn to do, mind, and we see that development through the movie. a practiced skill, not a natural talent. it takes her time to see isabela as she really is, to see what’s really going on with luisa, it takes time to find bruno and to understand alma. but that’s what mirabel’s about: not about being given the ability to do something immediately, but about having the tenacity and the love and the empathy to work at it.

i interpreted the cinematography of dos oroguitas, where mirabel is stnading right beside younger alma and pedro, watching everything, reacting as though she’s right there, as meant to be indicative of that level of empathy. its no small thing for any teenager (truly, even for a lot of adults) to be able to look at the older people in your family and truly recognise the depths of the life they had before you were born. you see them as always having been old, as always having been in authority, you don't always want to try and look past whatever front they put on, especially if they can be cold or distant, or if they have caused you pain. but mirabel can really, genuinely see the young, devastated, frightened woman that alma used to be, the happy, hopeful, vibrant person she was before that. and i think it’s those long-gone versions of younger alma as much as her own abuela that mirabel is holding her hands out to at the end. she treats her, even the versions of her that no longer exist, with such compassion

and i call back to that in cross your fingers: mirabel hears bruno tell her about the first time he ever had a vision of someone’s death, age six, and she will imagine that little boy as though he were right there with her, and she will be angry for him and sad for him just as much as she would for antonio, even though the little boy she's picturing is long gone, and is just her weird old wall uncle now. she sees them all as full people, when previously they’ve all become so defined and restricted by being the One Thing they’re magic about

and that, in turn, made me want to get into the very interesting contrast that comes up often in not an anchor. because ostensibly, it’s about bruno’s recovery process. but especially while it’s still in its early stages (and i do intend to come back and finish it, now that i’m back on my good adhd meds), you can see that in most places when the other characters try to engage with bruno as he starts trying to recover, we learn a lot more about that character than about bruno himself. the specific things they notice or the way they interpret his actions will always betray their own current fears or insecurities or preoccupations first and foremost. in that way, it isn’t really a story about bruno’s trauma, it’s about the collective trauma of the whole family, and the individual traumas that they all have- but he is what reflects that back to them

that’s what bruno’s role has always been. he is an uncomfortable truth that nobody wants to face. the thing that you can pretend won’t affect you as long as you don’t acknowledge its existence. the problem that, once someone picks it up and brings it into the light, the Everything’s Fine act you've been putting on becomes less and less convincing. that’s bruno, and that’s all the individual hurts and traumas that each member of the family has coming up to the surface in the aftermath of the movie. they love him, they're worried about him, they want him to be okay, but in a lot of ways, they are still struggling to see him past their own projections. they haven’t learned to see the way that mirabel has learned to see.

anyway. don't know if that makes sense, but it’s something that i find interesting to play with, as a tool for multiple character explorations at once. this is a scene that i think would be realistic to bruno’s recovery, but what POV is best for it? do we want bruno’s POV himself, will it be most narratively or emotionally impactful to know what he is actually thinking? or is it a scene that could in fact tell us more about julieta, or pepa, or alma? if i want it to be the beginning of something healing, which character would be most likely to instigate that? if i want it to be something that gets glossed over and repressed for now, which character would make that most likely to happen? if i want a fight, who will turn this into a fight?

aside from that, it’s the perfect kind of fic for emotional whiplash. as i said in response to the other directors commentary ask i got, i think that’s probably one of my most defining authorial traits - i hope in a way that still ultimately feels safe and comforting, because all my fics will always have the end goal of healing, but oh do i love to throw a reader a sudden change in tone. a fic exploring this sort of aftermath and this sort of healing in a family is so good for that. a scene can be so domestic and mundane and warm and turn suddenly into a realisation that something is terribly wrong. a conversation can start out so heavy and dark and turn ridiculous and comedic. a moment between reunited siblings can be so full of love and a lifetime of familiarity one second and so full of hurt and anger and awkwardness the next. that’s what trauma is like to live with. that's what life is like in general.

and also, as it turns out, there are so many fresh and interesting ways to write a sad tired little man recovering, so i didn’t have to worry about self-plagiarism anyway.

[casitafallz-a]

Decay AU | Soothing Fractures

Isabela stared into the river, sniffling quietly in her misery though the grief had settled well into her lungs once again and it felt like she was slowly suffocating with it and the absence of anger now left rivers of cold in her veins and tiredness behind her eyes.

She was exhausted.

And she hated feeling exhausted as well… but she felt she had gained a lot of unpleasant facts beyond the obviousness of the town knowing but this…was far closer now and it ached.

Her mother wasn’t trying to help her.

Isabela had hoped the first time when her mother had come in today after that…she’d get a hug. Maybe a kiss on the cheek and words of comfort…anything. It had been a month since she last received any of that physical affection from her mother… and she craved that just as much as she wanted Abuela to see her as anything but the actions of that day.

She hadn’t meant to turn it into an argument… hadn’t meant to get so angry but Julieta had shown her stance; she’d never try to understand her side, only Mirabel’s side. Like everyone else in the family, they favored Mirabel, and…Isabela did understand why despite the bitterness that rose within her in terms of her sister. She really did but…they didn’t have to be against her as well. How could she get better when she had no support? Is no one willing to love her with just a little bit of warmth?

If all they saw of her was the bad guy…was she doomed to repeat and solidify that view? Would she ever get to…live a proper life than be under the shadow of her mistake? Would…Abuela ever be proud of her? When would her punishments actually end? It hadn’t escaped her that Abuela had been very tight-lipped for how long she planned to keep her punished for and nothing of what would be lifted…

Not knowing when it would be over was…unsettling. The uncertainty of it.

In her palm, Isabela idly grew another light brown lump about the size of an avocado. A single cool potato. Idly tossing it from one hand to the other before once again tossing it into the rapids and letting it float away out of sight.

A new thing but hardly one Isabela was overly excited about; it wouldn’t make Abuela proud. It was a potato. Still, there was some…satisfaction that she could be useful when she was allowed. Potato meant food. If she could create food then…maybe she could prove to the town her gifts were a blessing; not means of causing pain?

Isabela rose to her feet and padded back towards the center of her room, wiping her eyes again with a sniffle though drew her mind to mull about something else than ideals, considering getting into bed for a nap though her shoulders slouched for a moment as she heard the knock at the door, forcing herself to straighten up.

“Come in.” Because everyone else did regardless if she said no or nothing.

“Isa?”

Isabela sighed out, covering the mild frustration to see her father wander in. He didn’t look…angry though he wasn’t overly thrilled. She was probably in trouble for getting into an argument with Mama. Isabela sat down, flicking her hair from her face before he came to a stop a few feet away but she couldn’t feel it in herself to really meet her eye.

“If you’re here to tell me off…can you please save it for later? I’m…not in a mood to take any more.”

“I’m not here to tell you off, Isa…or give you a lecture.” Agustín sighed, “I came to see you.”

Isabela shrugged. “I’m fine.”

“I find that hard to believe.” Agustín sat uninvited, but she didn’t look to see what sort of expression he had. “I’m sorry that happened to you…today of all days.”

“Tomorrow’s gonna be worse.” The news would have fully spread by then to everyone in the village if it hadn’t already. “I don’t know how long Mama’s gonna keep me in town either.” She was already dreading it; this morning all she wanted to do was leave and now she didn’t want to leave it.

“What?”

Mama clearly hadn’t talked to him… maybe she had a chance to get out of it? “I argued with her earlier…about Camilo and stuff...now she’s punishing me by making me go out with her tomorrow at her stall. She also thinks me showing my face might…be good.” Her tone turned sour. “I fail to see it.”

Her father stayed quiet for a moment. “I can talk to her later, Isa but… I won’t promise anything.”

“Thank you.” Isabela let out a heavy sigh, not disappointed but…at least it was something. She knew not to raise her expectations too high anyway. The bar was so low, it was six feet under.

Silence lapsed between them for a second, the request for him to leave was on the tip of her tongue before he broke it.

“Did you buy anything nice?”

“A few things.”

“Oh?” His tone was light, opening with the hint to explain more. Isabela probably should feel grateful he was trying; to keep away from a topic that could lead to more conflict but… he was trying…which was more than what her mother had done.

“Just stuff for my studies….something new to wear…” Isabela mumbled, “Some gardening tools… would have gotten a bookshelf but… they won’t sell to me.”

Agustín sighed heavily, “We’ll talk to the family later in regards to what happened, Isa. If they refuse to sell, then it’s a simple matter of pulling Luisa from their logging.”

Isabela shook her head. “It’s fine, Pa. I don’t care anymore about that…” It was a comfortable lie to tell when she was this tired. It sounded convincing. “I just….want to be left alone right now.”

She heard the slow intake of a sigh again before she felt the bed shift as he rose up, straightening up his vest though she flashed him a quick glance—unshockingly he wore a less cheerful face.

“I...I think later today, you should at least apologize to Mirabel about scaring her—I know that wasn’t your intent” he added swiftly, seeing her jaw tense “but she at least deserves that…and it might help her in the long run, Mija.”

It wasn’t an unreasonable request, she supposed but… it felt like what he was truly asking was her to apologize for being angry. She hadn’t targeted Mirabel and yet… It made her jaw clench but she hid it with a nod.

“Si, Papa.” Providing she found an opening to do so.

 --

 Mariano wanted to groan and bang his head up against the wall as he hurried to collect up the last of his mother’s food from the shops; the whispers of what shouldn’t have been leaked was now haunting him with every stop and he considered cutting it short and head up to Casita to talk to Doña Madrigal.

It was all the same question: did Isabela ever get physical with her gift with him? Were there any signs he might have seen and missed? What sort of plants could she make? Was Mirabel alright? Was Antonio alright? Were you really going to marry her? Is that why you broke up with Isabela?

Mariano had done his best to not answer the questions as expected, Dolores had been helpful in teaching him that redirecting than non-answer was better and so far, he hadn’t validated anything but it was getting irritating now and he could feel their eyes as he carried his bag of shopping through the streets.

“Señor Guzman?” A voice echoed.

“Not now, Señor, I have to go,” Mariano called, hoping not to be dragged into another round of questions when he was already so close to home. “You should respect the Madrigal’s privacy and stay away from gossip.”

“No, no I’m not here to gossip about Isabela.”

Mariano turned with a soft exhale though he recognized the shorter man hovering anxiously a few feet away. Mateo Marquez. Only a few weeks separated them in age and he was a few inches shorter, Mariano knew him only really in passing; his mother had often visited the Marquez family for business. 

“What do you want?”

Marquez looked around nervously, “can we talk in private?”

“Of course,” it was probably for the best, given the pricking of eyes still on them. “Follow me.” He nodded the carpenter with him back towards his house though closing the door behind them was a deep relief.

“What did you want to talk about?”

“I need to apologize to the Madrigals about my family’s behavior towards Isabela this morning.” Marquez spoke, “My…family doesn’t believe that the family owes an apology but…”

Mariano nodded slowly, “you’re embarrassed about their behavior.” He was a little surprised at how…genuine this man was. He barely knew Isabela that well but maybe he was trying to save face with the Madrigals?

Marquez nodded, “I’m not here to judge on what happened with the Madrigals. I can only assume they’re handling as they should and we should just mind our own business.”

“Why don’t you go up to the Casita with an apology? I’m sure that’ll be appreciated, why come to me?”

Marquez paled a little, his eyes flickering down. “I’m…I don’t want to be seen that close to their house… and my apology is a shelf. Isabela was interested in buying it and with how my sister got involved… I want to give it to Isabela as an apology gift.”

Mariano’s eyebrows shot up in surprise, almost dropping the bag. “You want to give her a gift?”

Marquez hesitated, “is that wrong?”

Mariano let out a laugh, “No, just… a surprise.”

The younger man nodded, though still just as cautiously “I can’t just….give it to her either publically. Which is…where you come in.”

What he was asking for made a lot of sense; it wasn’t really public knowledge yet that he and Dolores had started to date—he felt odd dating Isabela’s cousin but…he could feel Dolores was happy and he liked making her happy and she certainly enjoyed his poetry and work. He liked her appreciation as well. But it had been something they had agreed kept a little quieter given how close his and Isabela’s break up had been; for Isabela’s sake and to keep the gossip to the minimum until he and Dolores felt ready; he wasn’t going to rush to tell the world.

Given how today had started off great and turned rotten for the Madrigals, it was now a thing he was glad about they had kept quiet.

“You want me to pass it along for the Madrigals?”

“If you don’t mind?” Marquez hoped, perking up if a little though he seemed to hide the slight enthusiasm well.

“I’ll…talk to the Madrigals later today.”

“Gracias.”

  --

Camilo paces his room still, feeling no particular desire to leave but his stomach grumbled for food. His arms were folded over his chest and he couldn’t help but mull and grumble and he was already bored out of his mind; especially now he wasn’t allowed to use his gift.

Thankfully—and hopefully—his door opened to Dolores leading Mirabel in. Mirabel immediately frowned at him.

“Before you say anything. I am so sorry!” Camilo dropped his hands, “it also wasn’t me that told but…I’d rather take the blame but… it wasn’t me. I wouldn’t do that to you!”

Mirabel’s mouth opened before it closed as she absorbed the information. “Wait, you weren’t the one to spill?!”

Dolores shook her head as Mirabel looked to her for a second opinion. “My fault but… we need to make sure the family thinks it’s Camilo.”

“Wait, then who spilled? Certainly not Luisa or our parents…”

Camilo exchanged a look with Dolores though nodded for her to talk

“You know how…Antonio was trying to make friends.”

Mirabel’s face fell entirely, “Antonio…” her shoulders slumped.

“He doesn’t know how serious this is… and the other kids set him up!” Camilo put in quickly. “he didn’t do it for bad reasons!”

Mirabel’s eyes closed, letting her face fall into her hands, slinking down onto the nearest surface with a groan. “Which kids?”

“The one’s he’s been hanging around with today….. Alejandra and Cecilia mostly came up with the plan. They were…worried about you… but they wanted to know why you…got quieter.”

Mirabel groaned again, “Ugh… no, I can’t have that.” She pushed herself up, “I never thought that….” Mirabel didn’t finish before she shook her head. “Are you okay with this, Camilo?”

“Antonio shouldn’t get told off for this… He’s never done something like this before and… he’s never been told off for something this bad… he’s only four.” Camilo dreaded the cold chill at the idea of Abuela finding out and not to mention, he didn’t want Antonio doing chores and staying inside for 2 weeks, aside from school. That was miserable and Antonio’s hands were really small. How could anyone punish that innocent little face?

Mirabel nodded glumly, “I know… Antonio must…have really wanted those kids as friends.”

“We know he struggles.” Dolores spoke, “He prefers animals but… he’s got to interact with more than just his family.”

Mirabel nodded in agreement. “I know… but I’ll talk to the three later. They need to know that what they did was unacceptable.”

“They don’t think so.”

“If they value my friendship then they’re going to learn very soon” Mirabel looked at Camilo sharply. “Thank you…for covering for him.”

“He’s my little brother; of course, I would.”

“Should we tell Isabela?” Dolores asked, “She won’t be as angry at you?”

Camilo scoffed, “I don’t care what she thinks of me. Let her think the worst.”

“I don’t want you two to fight.” Mirabel winced, “it was bad enough earlier…. I can’t handle that again.”

Camilo’s face fell at the reminder; he had forgotten that part in the heat of the moment; a part of him had been too hyper-aware of the flowers and thorns Isabela had made and wondering if they’d attack him to even consider the fact Mirabel had been with him.

“No. If she knows, everyone else will.” He couldn’t risk her selling Antonio out as revenge for ruining her life just to even things out. Plus, now he thought about it; if her attitude changed towards him abruptly, the chances were his father would notice first and questions might start. “Our secret, okay?”

“Okay.”

  -

“Mi amor.”

Julieta’s head turned as he slinked into the kitchen with a tired smile though she was prepping the start of dinner alone, casita was helping with shifting the pots and keeping the fire fed as she cut the veg; working fast and efficiently and there was no mistake the amount was that she was doing a little more with stress but he wasn’t about to stop her.

“Smells wonderful.”

“Hm, yeah… though dinner’s not going to be easy. Should we keep the two separated?”

Agustín sighed softly, his hand coming to her lower back. “Isabela won’t do anything.”

“I know but… after what happened today, she’s not going to let it go.”

Agustín lent forwards, kissing her shoulder. “Let her be mad, My Vida. She’s had a bad day. Camilo can stay between his parents. Dinner will be fine.” He assured.

Julieta shifted to face him with a tired look. “Do you really think so?”

“Isabela’s not going to risk any more punishment than she’s already reserving.” Agustín smiled at her softly, “though… can I just ask if you reconsider taking her out to town tomorrow?”

Julieta’s brow furrowed, “you spoke to her?”

“Of course.”

Julieta’s jaw tensed, shifting the pot she had onto a cooler temperature. “You didn’t…argue?”

“No.” Agustín shook his head. “We didn’t talk for more than a few minutes.”

Julieta’s sucked onto her tongue, looking uneasy. “She tried comparing her punishments to Camilo… like it’s unfair. I can’t have her doing that.”

“I know, she shouldn’t.” Agustín agreed, “but… today should have been a good day for her. She waited a month for to leave Casita. Don’t you remember how excited she was?”

His love’s face didn’t change too much, even as she stirred the thickening soup. “What are you saying?”

“Forcing her out will not help her or the town this close to them finding out. The town’s in shock given how last time they saw her and she’s humiliated.”

He could feel under his hands how Juleita’s posture loosened. “We can’t let everything slide with her.”

“Right now, nothing has and she knows it. I can’t imagine how unpleasant it feels to have that many eyes on you…judging you.” He knew all too well to some degree on that and sometimes he still felt that; Abuela certainly judged him a lot on if he was good enough for her daughter and he still felt like that on a few occasions. “Right now, isn’t that enough punishment on top of what Abuela’s given her?”

Julieta tisked softly but not in disagreement, “she’d got it into her head that she thinks suffering abuse and contempt from the town will…atone for her actions. I don’t understand why she thinks that!”

Agustín tugged Julieta away from the stove, enveloping her into a hug to which she sunk into his chest.

“I don’t either… probably subconscious guilt that seeks out any way of relief, even at her expense but let’s not indulge that side that wants that by forcing her out.”

“You really don’t want her out?”

“Not tomorrow. Let tomorrow be a test to see how the town talks to you in terms of this. If you force her out and things go badly, do you think she’d be able to take it? I don’t want the town to see her get upset…they might jump to the wrong conclusions.”

Julieta sighed heavily, pulling back with a soft, tired look. “You’ve made your point, Mi Vida.”

Agustín relaxed a little, pecking her on the nose. “Thank you.”

[love-chocolate-forever]

PSA: “God Only Knows” and Encanto

** spoilers for Encanto **

I feel like for King & Country’s song captures the sentiments of both Bruno and Mirabel from Encanto. Every single line taps into their hurt and all the ways others have treated them differently because of their gift (or lack thereof).

“Nobody, nobody, nobody sees you

Nobody, nobody would believe you”

Still, they try to “make their family proud” and leave their “mistakes” in the past. What everyone doesn’t realize is that they’re leaving themselves in the past, too. But this is where we get to the hope (if you consider yourself a believer or follower of Christ).

“God only knows what you've been through

God only knows what they say about you

God only knows how it's killing you

But there's a kind of love that God only knows”

It’s hard to keep trying, moving, breathing when all you hear and feel is negativity. Luckily, our God is there for us and loves us unconditionally regardless of our mistakes. Even when others abandon us or treat us poorly, we can turn to God and wait for our miracle. It may not be soon, but we know that God has a purpose and a plan for each of us that’s so much better than anything we could come up with.

“God only knows the real you.”

I struggle with this constantly because I just want to be understood. I get frustrated when my closest friends or family members don’t understand me. I like to confide in people, but it doesn’t feel the same when I feel like the other person doesn’t understand me or where I’m coming from. Thankfully, God does. On the days where I feel like no one gets me, I go to God. He is always there, “just a teardrop away” (thanks, Shrek).

“You keep a cover over every single secret

So afraid if someone saw them they would leave.”

Going back to Encanto, Bruno did this with the prophecy he had on the night of Mirabel’s ceremony. Instead of someone else leaving (or his family rejecting him completely), he left. By the time Mirabel uncovers this, she’s also uncovering other family secrets and “weaknesses”. Everyone is hiding parts of themselves to avoid being seen as weak or less than. If God can love you cracks and all, so can others. Side note: some things actually need to change in our lives, so please don’t use this an excuse to not do any soul work. None of us have been, are, or will ever be perfect.

“For the lonely, for the ashamed

The misunderstood, and the ones to blame

What if we could start over?”

Finally, we see the final connection between this song and the movie. I think it’s safe to say both Bruno and Mirabel feel like lonely, ashamed, misunderstood scapegoats. They are “the ones to blame”; Bruno for his gift of prophecy and Mirabel for her lack of a gift. Yet they never fully give up despite the way they are treated by others. Bruno stalls out for a little bit as he finds refuge in Casita’s walls, but then Mirabel comes along. They understand each other, and at the end of the day, they are the ones who save the family.

When everything looks perfect, we don’t stop to evaluate it and see if it actually is. Even when the cracks start to appear, it’s easiest to fill them in rather than take a look at what’s really causing them. Of all the things this movie has taught/reminded me, it’s that sometimes we need to break down and rebuild from the ground up. This reminds me of the song “Pluto” by Sleeping at Last:

“When I break pattern, I break ground

I rebuild when I break down.”

Seriously, please listen to this song. It ties in with a lot of the same themes and feelings, but it feels hopeful. Anyways…

All this to say I wrote this because I heard “God Only Knows” on the radio last week and suddenly saw the connections between the song and the movie. I felt compelled to write this. For who, I don’t know. Maybe for someone who’s hurting or even for myself as a reminder to never give up. If you resonated with anything in this post, please know that I’ll be praying for you and hope you see the light that you carry. It may be flickering, but it hasn’t gone out yet, so hold on. You’re gonna be okay (name of another great song, this time by Bethel Music).

Rest in God’s arms and let Him comfort you while you break down. Then, when you’re ready, let Him help you as you build up. Life tends to be easier with Him as our foundation.

I would apologize for the length of this post, but I feel like these were God’s words, not mine. Plus He’s teaching me to stop saying sorry for everything so yeah. Sorry not sorry 😅❤️❤️

[bforbookslut]

Sasha Alsberg and Lindsay Cummings’ Zenith Is a Space Adventure With a Familiar Story and Tropes

I have given Zenith by Sasha Alsberg and Lindsay Cummings a ☆☆☆ rating. It is Book 1 of The Androma Saga series. It is Young Adult Science Fiction with some Space Opera and Romance. Harlequin Teen publishes it. It will be published January 16, 2018.

The synopsis reads:

Most know Androma Racella as the Bloody Baroness, a powerful mercenary whose reign of terror stretches across the Mirabel Galaxy. To those aboard her glass starship, Marauder, however, she's just Andi, their friend and fearless leader. But when a routine mission goes awry, the Marauder's all-girl crew is tested as they find themselves in a treacherous situation and at the mercy of a sadistic bounty hunter from Andi's past. Meanwhile, across the galaxy, a ruthless ruler waits in the shadows of the planet Xen Ptera, biding her time to exact revenge for the destruction of her people. The pieces of her deadly plan are about to fall into place, unleashing a plot that will tear Mirabel in two. Andi and her crew embark on a dangerous, soul-testing journey that could restore order to their shipor just as easily start a war that will devour worlds. As the Marauder hurtles toward the unknown, and Mirabel hangs in the balance, the only certainty is that in a galaxy run on lies and illusion, no one can be trusted.

Add to Your Shelf | 

Follow Me: Goodreads | Instagram  | Other Reviews 

I haven’t been this early for a review in a really long time but I was super excited to read Zenith ever since I received it. I’ve always loved space stories because if I wasn’t a writer, I’d love to be an astronaut. Or marine biologist. Or historian. Maybe librarian. You get the gist, I love to be a lot of things.

But, you’re in for a wild ride with Zenith. You either love it or hate it.

I haven’t written a review this long in a while so bear with me.

As always, my reviews may contain spoilers. I say may because what’s a spoiler to you may not be a spoiler for me.

Oh boy, is this a difficult one for me to review. My review process is this: I finish a book, I sit on it for a few days and then head over to Goodreads to get a refresher. Usually, it’s a good thing because it reminds me of things I want to mention but have forgotten. But with Zenith, it opened a massive can of worms I wish I had never seen.

Initially, Zenith was going to be one of my 4-star rating books. It turns out, I’m the perfect audience for it. I love damaged and fucked-up characters falling in love and I love all the drama. I went into Zenith expecting a soap opera/drama and I got it.

But after reading Goodreads and learning all I can about the background of this book, it’s dropped to a 3-stars. I don’t hate it. Zenith is not a bad book but it’s not good either. Did it blow me away? No. But, hell it was entertaining.

So, this review will be different than normal and split into 2 parts: first impressions and after goodreads.

F I R S T  I M P R E S S I O N S

I have never read a space opera before. I even had to Google what the genre is all about. And I loved what I found. As you probably know, I am a massive fan of Defy the Stars by Claudia Gray and until another mindblowing book comes along, that’s what I recommend whenever anyone asks me. And I expected Zenith to be something similar but more, for lack of a better term, extra.

And I loved it. I couldn’t put it down. It kept me up late at night and my eyes are probably rotten because I keep reading in the dark. I didn’t even realise it was 500 pages (cause my Kindle app doesn’t tell me so). It was dark and it was sensual, the writing clichés which some people might not like, were lyrical and poetic. The imagery spun was stunning.

Plot-wise, Zenith went in a multitude of directions. There’s the Androma, Dex and the Marauders plotline where the former two have to rescue the king’s prisoner son in the treacherous lands of Lord-I-can’t-remember (I’m not good with names here. I can’t even name you anything in Maas’s books because I never remember), but basically, they’re the bad guys. And then there’s the flashbacks (??!!) which are confusing but I just rolled with it. And then, there’s the evil queen of the bad lands who isn’t all that bad (or at least that’s what they want us to think) who wants revenge on the entire solar system for fucking up her kingdom and her parents’ lives and her life.

The Androma, Dex and Marauders line is resolved and then some. But the others just leave big question marks hanging in the air. But then again, Order of the Firsts, guys. It’s always like this because publishers want you coming back for more cause all they care about is the money.

Plus, they are all told in different POVs which can get confusing but it wasn’t a hard switch. It’s such a way of writing in YA that I’m used to it. I wish we could still get by on one voice only. I miss those damned days.

But to me, the characters make a story and I loved the Bloody Baroness. She’s dramatic and always very weepy and conflicted but oh, she’s so attracted to Dex. Let it just be clear that she’s very much like a copy of Celaena/Aelin but without the latter’s depth. She’s got death following her and her crew of pirates wherever they go and she’s torn up about it. Some people have an issue with the fact that she’s called something so vicious but is just a kicked puppy. But come on, this is a trope we’ve all seen before. Move along, shall we?

But, I did find it a little strange that although she hates killing, she kills everyone left, right and center in the name of protecting herself and her crew. Plus, she’s a fugitive.

Really weird and conflicting but at this point, I’m still rolling with it.

Dex is an arrogant prick. And while it’s my favourite trope when it comes to YA heroes, they usually come with some redeeming qualities. Dex has none. In fact, I’d say that I didn’t like Dex at all. He’s the perfect example of how not to write a YA hero.

And, the romance between Androma and Dex seemed incredibly forced. No chemistry. Just loads of trying-really-hard-to-create-UST.

The rest of the characters in Zenith sort of fade into the background. There are the Marauders which are very Six of Crows-esque, and the evil queen, Nor and there’s Valen, the prince they’re supposed to rescue. And a robot named Alfie that reminds me of Defy the Stars.

While Zenith attempts to fashion a unique space world, it feels too much like Guardians of the Galaxy and that bothered me about the worldbuilding. It didn’t feel utterly unique (unlike Defy the Stars. You can’t stop my love) and the entire time, all I could imagine was Peter Quill’s ship flying across the Guardians of the Galaxy space ala the movies. While there are references to unique “alien” features for example, in the pilot, Lira who has scaly skin that can heat until it burns her clothes off and it’s controlled by her emotions, nothing is taken a step further and explained.

And space opera and science-fiction are known for being detail-oriented.

But I still loved it. In all it’s campy, trying really hard glory. I thought it was a great first attempt and couldn’t wait for me.

A F T E R  G O O D R E A D S

And then, I looked at Goodreads.

I was confused by all the awful ratings. And it spiralled from there.

It turns out Sasha Alsberg is a notoriously famous booktuber (I wouldn’t know. I don’t booktube) and people are concerned that this book being published is because of her connections to the higher ups.

But more than that, the editor tied to Zenith is notorious for having published The Black Witch. Which is a plague on the YA community. I don’t understand how….how could anyone have let that racist crap slide.

And it was only after this that I realised what I had thought to be extra, dramatic and campy writing ala soap opera style was just bad writing. In fact, one reason why I loved the writing so much was because it’s the same time of exaggerated and flowery writing that fanfiction writers love (and readers like me eat it up).

Plus, it tried too hard to replicate the success of Throne of Glass and Six of Crows, perhaps in the hope of becoming the next big thing. It’s basically fanfiction set in space, guys. While I am the type of market this book is targeted towards, meaning that I love my tropes, it’s just laughable. There are tons of books out there like TOG and SOC but they’re all unique in their own way. I’ve even managed to reference Defy the Stars more than once!

Not to mention, Androma has red.hair. Who else has fiery red hair? You tell me. Hint, I’ve mentioned the name several times in this review. Not a fan of self-inserts.

Also, I am not a fan of celebrity books and have yet to purchase/read one. While other writers struggle and work their butts off to even get noticed, celebrities get special treatment because they already have a fan base in place.

While I am still looking forward to see where both authors are going to take Zenith, I wait with all these thoughts in my mind. In film classes, we are taught that the author is not separate from his work (and I did a lovely paper on Alfred Hitchcock which I loved) and it’s true in this case.

I’m afraid that Sasha’s reputation has coloured not just my opinion, but the opinion of many other readers out there.

While Zenith is not bad, it’s not great either. I can’t shout about it from the rooftops. For one, it reads too much like fanfiction (and we all know the kind of fanfiction turn book that has hit the market these days) and secondly, it needs a shitload more work before it’s public-worthy. Zenith has great potential. It just needs a lot more polishing, preferably throwing the entire draft away and writing it fresh. And perhaps, Sasha should consider a pen name.

Thank you to Edelweiss and the publisher for providing me with an ARC copy in exchange for an honest review. This review edition may differ from the final edition.

[diminuel]

My uncoordinated thoughts on 12x10 under the cut! ♥

A note in advance: I’m not entirely sure how to use the angel pronouns now, so I’m going to go along with what the show provided so far.

I’m not sure what to read into Benjamin playing that game every night. Does he do it because his vessel enjoys it? Or do I have to look deeper into some meaning for it?

I think Lily’s appearance is cool. I wasn’t sure if I’d like her but she’s great.

Does Lily have two angel blades because those are the blades of the ones she killed already? How did she get her hand on the first angel blade to kill the first angel of Castiel’s old garrison? Was it her boyfriend’s?

I loved Benjamin’s distress call

I like Dean’s shirt, sweatshirt thingy, the dark one with the collar slightly open.

It seems that Dean is disgruntled about Mary jumping right back into the hunting life. I understand that because he lived through a young Mary telling him that she wants out of the hunting life. I’m sure that Dean would prefer her to be the kind of mom who stays home and makes them chicken soup for dinner. If she’s out there, hunting, that means he always has to worry about her. (But maybe he also isn’t sure how do deal with the fact that his mother is a real person, with her own crap to deal with, independently of her role as mother that Dean’s familiar with.)

Judging from Sam’s “so are you just going to walk past each other in the kitchen, not saying a word” comment it seems like they’ve been doing that for a while. On one hand I’m glad that Cas is apprently haning out in the Bunker a lot (understandable, since it looks like he’s been hanging out in it for the 6 weeks the Winchesters were gone) but on the other hand I feel a bit sorry for Sam that he has to witness this kind of thing. I wonder if Sam and Cas did/ do talk.

Dean’s being a little bit of a hypocrite. Why can he get grumpy about Cas maybe causing ‘cosmic consequences’ by breaking Billie’s deal if Dean’s the one who make ‘cosmic consequences potentially following’ possible in the first place. If he hadn’t made that deal with Billie, then Cas wouldn’t have had to intervene.

Addendum to that thought: Cas and Dean have apparently not talked, but is there anyone that talked to Dean about the six weeks in isolation? If he says things like ‘it was worse than hell’ that must raise alarm bells in everyone else. So... did anyone try to talk to him about it...?

That Cas has to ask if Dean’s included in Sam’s “we’ll go with you/ we’ll help” makes me a tiny bit sad. Yes, Cas knows that Dean’s angry with him even though it’s (in his and my opinion) a bit undeserved. But he seems to think that Dean’s angry enough that he doesn’t want to help Cas at all.

And of course Dean has to ruin it by being mean. Both Sam and Cas are unamused.

(Side note: Damn Dean, your lashes look good this episode. New mascara?)

Sam tries really hard to mediate. Poor guy. Also thank you Sam for always taking Castiel’s side in situations like these. You’re the best.

Dean takes his criticising a bit too far by calling Castiel killing Billie a “knee-jerk choices”. Excuse me, Mr. Winchester?? Without Castiel’s knee-jerk choices you would be long dead. You relied on Castiel’s heart based knee-jerk choices to betray Heaven and do the right thing. You have always relied on Castiel choosing you over Heaven. So stop it. Enough.

“He’s sarcastic but he’s thoughtful and appreciative”. You tell him, Cas. And what do you mean by “what’s that supposed to mean” Dean? You know exactly what he’s saying. And you know exactly that he’s right. You probably haven’t said a word of thanks or of comfort since Cas stopped the deal from happening. For God’s sake. Dean might be thoughtful and appreciative, but he usually isn’t or at least he usually don’t communicate that when it matters. (Dean can be rather insensitive, especially when it gets to supernatural creatures. And Cas still belongs to that category after all. Just look how callous Dean was with the Zana’s deaths even though Sully was right there, being upset. Dean’s got no tact when it gets to the feelings of supernatural creatures.)

I like that Cas memorized the name of Benjamin’s vessel. And it seems like Benjamin and Cas actually talked about the topic since Cas seems to know quite a bit about their special relationship.

Both Dean and Sam seem suprised by the angel with a male name in a female vessel thing. As if they had never seen that before (in season 4 Cas and in season 6 Raphael)

While I love Castiel’s “Benjamin is an angel, his vessel is a woman” comment, I would have wished for it to be elaborated a bit. So far we still only know from canon that angels use he/she pronouns for other angels which don’t fit their vessels all the time, that Castiel doesn’t correct Dean to say that Benjamin is a man, but that he’s an ‘angel’ instead which seems to imply that their gender identity (if they have one) can’t be explained by human concepts of “woman” and “man” and that angels don’t ever comment on the gender of their or their siblings’ vessel, which implies that it usually doesn’t matter.

So back in 1901 Cas still served under Isham. He also served under Anna at one point, so when and how long was Cas actually a garrison captain? It couldn’t have been more than a couple decades. 

Cas’ “if I plan to do anything else stupid, I’ll let you know” is my high light. Dean looks so taken aback.

I love the conversations between Mirabel (Mirabelle?), Isham and Castiel. And at first Castiel’s voice is sweet and soft, but he quickly changes tracks when they start accusing him of things.

It seems to be uncommon to keep vessels for over 100 years, which I can understand. There are human souls in that vessel after all. But why do they say that they kept them so long because they’re not “careless”? Has Castiel no longer had his previous vessel available because he was “careless” and lost her somehow? I assumed that he released her upon completing his mission, or that he was pulled out of her like he was pulled out of Jimmy once. Or maybe he even lost her as recently as during the siege on hell, which would explain why Cas first had to find a vessel before he could contact Dean. All speculation on my part.

Of course Dean can’t wait outside. Of course Sam saw that coming. *lol*

Cas seems hurt when Mirabel says that they didn’t think he would care that old friends died. I mean it shouldn’t surprise him, considering how malicious angels have been to him in recent years (no matter what he tried to do for them) but he still is hurt.

Ahaha, Dean. He looks so appreciative when Isham tosses him some dollars so he can buy himself a pie.

Dean and Sam (especially Dean) have always been of the opinion that Cas needs better friends than the angels because they don’t treat him well or are rude to the Winchesters. This makes me think that a) I love that Dean & Sam defend Castiel and tell him that he doesn’t have to let them treat him so badly and b) that they don’t think that Castiel cares enougha bout angels to go through such humiliation to try to help them. I wonder why they still don’t get that because Cas has been trying and trying and trying again to help angels. Dean and Sam might have enough distance to be able to tell that they’re not being kind, but they don’t understand how much history Castiel has with these people and how much he might still care about them. And as c) I also wonder if Dean sees the parallel there; the angels disrespect Castiel’s dedication and his previous work as well as his friends, and still he wants to help. Maybe it makes Dean realize that Dean’s not behaving much better than the bad angel buddies. (Sure, it’s not on the same level, but Dean’s still mean to Cas even though it’s totally unnecessary.)

Dean, you can’t look into angel magic light. You should know that by now.

Cas back in 1901 was pretty good at doing what he’s told, but he still flinched when Lily’s kid screamed. That’s very consistent what we’ve seen so far of Cas.

Also, she’s so cute, help.

That little fancy hat.

That bland looking dress.

Cute.

Cas in 2017 is also cute.

Castiel finding such clear words to counter Sam’s argument that they have to talk to Lily because her feelings of anger and resentment are justified because her family was killed suprised me. "Are you saying these angels deserved to die? Are you saying that I deserve to die?” Of course, in this instance is was a very good idea to go talk to Lily but a simple “Cas was just following order” would of course not have worked.

I wonder why it was so draining for Cas to heal Isham. We’ve seen him heal other angels before and it never cost him so much energy. Also, something must be amazing about Castiel’s healing ability is Isham says that he hasn’t feel that good in a millenium. (Angel medic Cas *lol*)

“Cas is our family so we won’t let you hurt him” ♥♥

I know it’s a dramatic scene, but the way Lily draws the papers to the floor after she spent such a long, fumbling while to try to collect them (why even? why not just grab May and run?) is hilarious.

What’s with Cas’ “oh goodie”? *lol*

The interaction between Sam and Lily is great, of course he’d understand what’s at stake when Lily says that parts of her soul burn away every time she uses Enochian magic. (Though aside: but using sigils doesn’t right? I assume sigils channels powers through a special symbol, i.e. the power is in the word/ symbol itself, so the only price you have to pay for those kind of spells is your blood, instead of bits and pieces of your soul.)

One of the most important details of this episode was Isham’s “you survived hell. You were chosen by god” I really want to know more about this. Why was he in hell? For Dean? And why was he chosen by god? To go to hell? To rescue Dean? For something else? Tell me more!!!

Dean has never shown any regards for using the angel banishing sigil on Cas or on someone else when Cas would also be removed. Nice to see him reconsider and not use it after all. ;w; (Though I wonder if he quickly thought about all the times he blasted Cas away.)

Castiel is the best, so sweet.

Sam, there’s a chair, why are you sitting on the table?

And that’s it for now! Sorry that this is so unstructured...! And long.