#I have a 14 year old autistic brother to care for while my mom works her ass off
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mwolf0epsilon · 2 days ago
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It might be the trauma, it might be my want to be compassionate. But sometimes I really wish I didn't just let myself get to a point of misery where what I feel or think doesn't matter in the grand scheme of showing support to someone who's never going to really understand how awful they are to me. Blood relation and all.
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sam-not-samantha · 5 years ago
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The Blackwoods & the Rheiders
“A train wreck dynasty of cash stacks and funny farms.”
#sltask02
 [Photos embedded, but not all characters have a faceclaim.]
The Blackwoods (Immediate)
Andrew Blackwood | Father | June 21, 1969-April 30, 2017         “Paycheck giver. Businessman. Quiet and kind, yet so apathetic.” Eliza Blackwood (née Rheider) | Mother | October 28, 1971-April 30, 2017         “Whiny bitch. Passive-aggressive. Judgmental. Tasteless. Fucking DEAD.” Samantha “Sam” Blackwood | Self | February 5, 1995         “Best fucking person you’ll ever meet.”
The Extended (And not-so-distant)
Jodi Rheider | Maternal aunt | July 1, 1975         “Anti-vaxer. Vegan. Cunt. Used to get cocktails with Kris Jenner.” Jenna Rheider | Maternal cousin | April 14, 1994         “Brainless twit. And a narc; ratted me out for doing coke only for her mom to do the rest.” Connor Rheider | Maternal cousin | November 2, 1999         “Quirky. Genius. Loves drones. Probably in charge of WikiLeaks.”
Luke Rheider | Maternal uncle | May 4, 1966         “Pretentious. Thinks old money is anything over a year. Football fan. Moron.” Charli Diamond | Maternal aunt-in-law | October 31, 1982         “Second wife. Thinks Luke’s gonna die soon, but she deserves gold. Refused the name.” Bastien Rheider | Maternal cousin | January 28, 1988         “One of the two actually cool people in this family. Sarcastic. Sick. Sweet.” Evie Rheider | Maternal first cousin, once removed | September 12, 2008         “Started sweet, is now fully demonic.”
Paul Blackwood | Paternal uncle | October 6, 1965         “Loudly republican. Loudly terrible. Horrible suits. Still calls me ‘Squirt’.” Charlotte Blackwood (née Gilfrey) | Paternal aunt-in-law | May 10, 1967        “If Ann Coulter was slightly younger and somehow slightly worse.” Kim Blackwood | Paternal cousin | August 1, 1987         “Couture PotteryBarn expert. Insufferable. Screechy. Trend-chaser.” George White | Cousin-in-law-to-be | November 7, 1980         “The manifestation of Kim’s daddy issues. Wedding date is permanently TBD.” Lisa Blackwood | Paternal cousin | April 9, 1989         “Mini-Eliza. Clothing terrorist. Should’ve been aborted.” Salvatore Stracci | Cousin-in-law-to-be | October 22, 1976        “Tall, Italian and scary. Also in a state of perpetual engagement and dissatisfaction.” Alessandro Blackwood | Paternal first cousin, once removed | May 31, 2010         “Had to hold him at a party once. He spat on me.”
Michael Blackwood | Patnernal uncle | May 1, 1967         “I legitimately don’t know if he and Paul are different people.” Natalie Blackwood (née Gainsbourg) | Paternal aunt-in-law | July 1, 1968        “Quiet, but clearly judgmental. Alopecia. Clings to Michael desperately.” Heather Blackwood | Paternal cousin | March 14, 1990         “The only sane woman. Editor at Harper’s Bazaar with Natalie. Goddess. Soul sister.”
Matthew Blackwood | Paternal uncle | Stillborn August 8, 1970
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Dances– The Blackwoods | A Personal Essay (Written pre-parental death).
It was a dance.
It always was, no matter what. No, there was never any music. No stage. No choreography. But conversations with my mother were always an intricate samba on a tightrope.
It could begin at any moment, about anything. Simple small talk about where I went for brunch yesterday morning could turn into a bitchfest about my weight– as if being 110 was something to be ashamed of. The mere presence of an unopened, monthly bank statement could turn into a lecture about financial responsibility– as if she wasn’t surrounded by new, shiny things and maxed out AMEX cards. And, far more recently, a quick, innocent glance at the alcohol cabinet would have me sat down with some professional life coach while she watched, a vodkatini in hand.
Eliza Blackwood (born Eliza Rheider in 1971) was a bitch. An absolute bitch. A wretched, spoiled, high-strung, narcissistic, classist, borderline-anorexic, Valium-addicted, Shalimar-drenched, Kris Jenner-wannabe bitch. She was lucky she came from money, because if she wasn’t, I don’t think she’d be alive right now. I mean, I’m lucky, too, but I’m grateful for what I have.
Her parents were corporate assholes– her dad worked for Goldman Sachs, and his wife was a vapid, shrill, useless little brat not unlike her daughter. And, of course, that unloveable little bitch went and married someone who could satisfy her financial needs and not embarrass the family name– Andrew Blackwood, a New York politician from a family of Wall Street types (Some of whom also worked at Goldman Sachs, which is how the two met). On paper, they were a match made in heaven. A wealthy politician and his obnoxious jetsetter wife.
But, fortunately for me, even though I hadn’t been born quite yet, Andrew was a good, caring man. While Eliza was (and still is) ruthless, selfish and absolutely disgustingly horrible, Andrew had a heart. He cared about people. And things. Which was why he went into politics. He wanted to make a change. While his family was a bunch of wealthy Republicans, he was entirely Democratic, a fact that nearly alienated from them entirely (if only it had actually managed to keep his family out of my life) which is why I’m still in awe that he wound up with a pathetic Paris Hilton knockoff. A politician with a heart of gold wound up with a blue blood twat who measures her love in karats.
But back to her dances.
I’m not entirely sure where they come from. I mean, no matter how much you analyze someone and their family and upbringing and everything, you can’t pin point their personality traits and their behaviors. That said, I think I have a fair amount of clues as to where Eliza’s horrid personality came from.
While her relationship with her mother is mostly concealed to me, their lifestyle was no secret. Eliza always went on about how well she lived as a kid, how luxurious her house was, how high the thread count in the sheets of her crib was, and how she washed her face with caviar or something. But how she got along with her mother was never fully described. I’ve seen hints here and there– a glare across a table at a gala or whispers on the phone. But I don’t know too much. As far as I know, Eliza’s mother– Mrs. Karen Rheider– didn’t even bother to raise any of her three children. I wouldn’t have been surprised had they all been raised by a nanny while Karen went went on living as a trophy wife. But I assume that the two of them, when they did interact, got along the same way Eliza and I do– and that would make it safe to assume Eliza picked up her bitchy words, malicious intentions and passive-aggressive, condescending demeanor from her mother. The family bitchiness is hereditary.
Passive-aggressiveness is definitely a running trait in my family. I see it to an extent on my dad’s side– his brothers and him bicker endlessly, and they seem to show some slight disapproval for his opposing political stance, as if world views are trivial dinner conversation. But it pales in comparison to the Rheider family’s guilt. Aside from me, and my mother, I see it in the rest of the family.
My aunt Jodi, mother of two, is another disgusting person. Like Jenny McCarthy, she refused to vaccinate her kids because she believed it would make them autistic. Her son, Connor, has caught the flu every single year since he was six. The three (including her daughter Jenna) currently reside together at a nudist resort, where the kids were homeschooled… because they lack their immunizations. But that’s kind of besides the point– any time Jodi decides to dress up and sneak out into the world of normalcy, she misses no opportunity to make slick comments that everyone else in the family is living incorrectly. Thankfully, everyone else has mastered the art of clapback.
Eliza’s brother, Luke, and his wife, Charli (a full 16 years younger than him) are an obnoxiously pretentious couple who are all too proud of their FormDecor relationship and all too ashamed of everyone else’s. Luke has a son, Bastien, who he had with his first wife, that’s only 6 years younger than Charli. However, Bastien’s one of the few people on my mother’s side of the family that I actually enjoy. We share similar morals, and gratefulness for what we’ve been given, and spend every single family function together ripping the family apart. It’s a shame they never hear us.
Even the family elders have the same disapproving, condescending disdain for everything that my mom displays. But they’re far too silent around me to reveal anything noteworthy. The most words I’ve ever heard from my great grandmother Dorothy Cross (my mother’s mother’s mother), was scolding Jodi for her nudist colony being racially integrated, so it’s safe to say not much good was going to come from that generation. Fortunately, most of them are dead– Dorothy passed in 2011 (though her husband is still living off of a diamond-encrusted life support machine), and Eliza’s father’s parent’s are both long gone. Three out of Andrew’s four parents are deceased, his mother’s mother Clarissa Pullock (or something like that) is still alive, though I’ve never met her and probably never will– our first interaction will probably be at her funeral where I’m forced to pretend to mourn.
While Eliza’s family is dominated by a vile matriarchy, Andrew’s family has been dominated by powerful men with miniature dicks who made the Blackwood name known very much for investment banking until bank holding companies began to reign supreme, after which the family figured they would be better off in electoral politics. Andrew’s grandfather, Adam Blackwood, worked up a networth of slightly over $1 billion, and while his successors haven’t exactly been slacking, I don’t think any of them are ever going to do as well as him (but at the end of the day, if Andrew decided to have a bonfire using $100 bills as kindling, we’d recover before the fire even went out). Adam had two sons– Matthew and Bernard, and both received their jobs at Wall Street after him in a clear sign of nepotism. Bernard married a real estate agent named Elaine or Elle or something like that and had a million kids– most of which were boys. I don’t know much about them, and I don’t really care to. Matthew married some Janet something and had four kids– Paul (1965), Michael (1967), Andrew (1969), and Matthew Jr. (stillborn in 1970).
Unfortunately for this generation of men, who, unsurprisingly, continued the trend of nepotism and began work at the same place as their ancestors (save for Andrew who stayed in school, exploring his interests), none of them were able to produce any boys to continue the line. Paul was the first to reproduce– shooting out Kim and Lisa in 1987 and 1989, and as soon as the Kardashian sisters came around, they tried their hardest to be them but soon settled with just being their very close friends (and it’s safe to say I can’t stand any of them). Michael had Heather in 1990, and somehow, amidst a family of putrid, selfish monsters, she wound up a tasteful and snarky angel of hope. Like Bastien, we spend our family events together, an unholy trio of stylish black sheep.
And then finally, February 5, 1995, I came around. Eliza and Andrew had been married for about three years, and finally had me. Adam was still alive at the time and was praying for a great grandson– only to be disappointed for the fourth time. Almost as a sign of flippancy towards him, they named me Sam (well, Samantha, but I’ve grown accustomed to Sam and refuse to be called by my full first name unless I’m being charged with something). My mother made my middle name Elizabeth– because she hoped that I would follow in her footsteps. She once said naming me after her was “the biggest mistake” she ever made, which I don’t think is entirely unfair because taking after her is the last thing I ever want to do. And I’ve spent the last twenty-one years learning all of this.
People always say that blood is thicker than water, or whatever. That we’re supposed to stick with our families (over friends, or, well, anything). There’s been some mindset that family comes before all, that you honor your last name above anything and everything. I don’t believe that for one second. As if who happened to bang should determine everything about you. I despise almost all of that. And I won’t claim any of the ones that I don’t like for one second. I’ll take a tango any day. Fuck blood. And fuck the Blackwoods.
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huntypastellance · 6 years ago
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I'm sorry I'm trying to figure out what the frick "Shaladins" are? I tried scrolling through the tag and I'm still really confused and you are one fo the main people I see posting in the tag? Can you please explain to me what exactly is going down rn and what exactly a Shaladin is?
I gotta set up a glossary page for the vld fandom too at this point. Half my inbox is literally “what does X mean?”.
Too many terms being slung around……
Anyway:
Shaladin: any shipper who ships Shiro with one of the other paladins* (Keith, Lance, Hunk or Pidge). 
*Allura’s in a weird grey area because she was considered to be Space Mom & an adult up until her VA confirmed that she was a teenager. The Shiro/Allura shippers are heavily split between Shallurantis (antis who make excuses to ship it despite Allura being an “underaged teenager”), Shitllurans (a subset of shallurantis who are the worst of the worst & turned on any shaladins who tried to help them after Allura’s “age reveal” happened & Shallura became a “problematic ship”) & the actual Shallura shippers.
Anti: self-proclaimed name for fans who use social justice terms & a facade of fighting against online abuse/predators all so their favorite ship can win a ship war. Often harasses the staff of the canon or encourages harassment of the staff. Never calls out the abusive maniacs in their own community even if they commit actual crimes. Favors an overly fluffy sparkly pastel aesthetic for their blogs, trashy memes & sucking up to minor celebrities completely unrelated to the canon’s production in order to boost their own ship. Basically a fujoshi stereotype who accuses other shippers of being fujoshi stereotypes & refuses to acknowledge that they themselves are fujoshi stereotypes. Accuses other people of sexualizing minors while they themselves consume/create porn of their own ship (even if the characters are minors).
Klantis: antis who specifically ship Keith/Lance, aka Klance. They manage to keep their ship at its #1 spot on Fandometrics by spamming Klance & crosstagging it everywhere. Every time a rival ship creeps up the rankings, they double down on the spam & start a new wave of anti-ship harassment to discourage those shippers.
Leakira: AU made by klantis after s7 dropped & they realized that Klance would not be canon. It’s a “re-write” of Voltron where the supporters for Leakira actually believe that they can buy all the rights to Voltron in just 10 years. There is no plot or story, just an “lgbtq+ poc” version of the Voltron characters where they are “extra” POC & have “extra” POC names (Leandro for Lance & Akira for Keith). Broganes & Shiro/Adam are also things that feature in this AU & Pidge is “re-imagined” to be Jewish so she’s “more ethnic”, despite the fans accusing her Jewish voice actress to be a “white d*ke��. Shiro is re-named to be Hachiko & is now Keith/Akira’s adopted father & the only “straight” characters are the villains & the parents (because this is literally a strawman caricature of how life works). Akira & Leandro have nothing in common with Keith & Lance other than color themes & similar jokes. Their polar opposite personalities & relationship to their canon counterparts is another sign that klantis never truly cared about the characters or Voltron’s story in the first place.
Broganes: An AU where Shiro is Keith’s adoptive brother/father/uncle despite them having 2 entirely different families in canon. Named because of early fanon where Keith is Japanese & has the surname “Kogane” like in previous iterations of Voltron. Often buys into racist stereotypes regarding Asians & generic sitcom tropes regarding sibling relationships. Most often used to get Shiro away from Keith as a romantic interest so Keith can be shipped with Lance. Allura was paired with Shiro as “space mom”, but was later replaced with Adam. Keith is often characterized as a whiny emo younger brother who is bratty towards exasperated big brother Shiro & they pull pranks on each other (usually taken from lame Vines). They are also shown to be relatively uncaring of each other & distant, so that Lance can easily worm his way into Keith’s life as a boyfriend. AU first created by a 14 year old girl who’s obsessed with her sister, based the AU off of her idealized romanticized relationship with her sister & used to draw fanart for a R-18 Nitro+Chiral BL game (a company famous for games with gore, rape, bestialiaity, mechaphilia & general mindfuckery).
Dirty Laundry: the most popular & overrated Klance fic on ao3, often lauded to be the peak of Klance fics by klance shippers. Its popularity stemmed from popular klantis boosting it on their blogs only to shred it apart when DL’s Lance’s autistic brother appeared in it. The klantis ripped it apart for being racist, ableist, sexist, etc. & the author orphaned the fic after completing it due to the harassment she was getting from both sides (as shippers hated it too because of how hard the klance shippers were pushing it). Most infamous for a scene at the end where Keith & Lance danced to the song Gasolina, literally the least romantic song you could ever dance to. Popularized many of the tropes commonly seen in Klance fics. Was written before Lance was revealed to be Cuban, so DL has Mexican Lance instead.
There are more terms to be added, but I’ll make a proper page for it & add them later.
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bad-mood-goddess · 4 years ago
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Fine Ass Parenting
Don't get me wrong, I love my parents and I know I should be grateful to have both of them watching after me. Still, there is this things that get a hold of me always and can't tell them bc I'm afraid to hurt them or their gaslight.
So, recently, to be precise like 30 minutes ago, I noticed that I have grown to resent my younger brother for a lot of things that aren't actually his fault, at least not at all.
I am an 18 years old college student and I have no hobbies. Always thought it was my fault for not being passionate enough to dive into something I love entirely.
To put some context, my younger brother is 1 year, 4 months younger than me, not too much, but he has Asperger's Syndrome, and he was diagnosed at a quite early age (7 y/o).
Having said that, it's not like I didn't like anything through my childhood, actually there was a lot of things that I wanted to do.
Starting with Ballet, as a 6 y/o girl I really wanted to practice ballet and always liked the shoes and hairstyles and costumes and all that. Silly me, my mom did ballet like 15 years of her life so she refused completely to sing me up for any dancing classes. I know the dancing world is really tough with the overweight, but still think it's too harsh to say to a 6 y/o that she was too fat to do ballet that it wouldn't work out. So even if I really wanted to do it I let it go on my mom's advise.
Then at 8 y/o I really was into singing (and I still like singing, but we will get there later) I enjoyed singing all day out with my best friend and begged my mom to no avail to sign me up with her on the school's singing class. She said no, my voice was too trembly to be good at singing and she would not be embarrassed in front of the school and the other moms. Harsh, but okay, maybe I wasn't good enough, after all if that was the opinion of my own mom I must have been terrible. I insisted over the years but wasn't too pushy about it.
Then I was told that I had to practice a sport for my overweight, was not consulted which I liked and she signed me and my brother up for swimming classes, 'kay, cool didn't like it, and I didn't even knew how to swim but I'll figure it out since it was what my mom wanted. I trained my ass off, I took every opportunity I had to prove me worth of being part of the team. I got selected for the State's Competition Team at age 10 all of this while still fighting my overweight and the bullying that came with it (plus my mom nagging me and saying I ate too much, I wasn't good enough, I wasn't skinny enough).
Age 12, 1.56m tall and weight 40kg, still not skinny enough I was training for regionals over 4h a day of swimming and 2.5km of running every day plus a bad relationship with food, I started skipping breakfast and supper and went all day with lunch and occasional snacks.
I didn't make it to the nationals, the rambling about me wasting the money and time she invested in get me to the regionals. I started gaining weight again, more and more weight, I stopped eating snacks but I kept gaining weight, my times got stuck and my team kicked out all the State's Selected. I got accepted into a open-waters competition team, but I kept gaining weight and didn't get my times down. I went through a episode of deep angst over thinking if I was really good enough to even be able to be a part of the team, with this in mind, I never really fit in.
Age 14 got to the doctor, turns out I had POS and Thyroid nodules, my hormones were a absolute-fucking mess and that's why I gained weight, I weighted 56kg. Maybe swimming wasn't my thing, after all I didn't even liked swimming y'know, what do I still love so much? Music, let's try to convince my mother again.
'Kay, to be fair she really did hear me this time and got me to try to get into the choir of one of the centers of the national orchestra... Now that I think it over, did she wanted me to fail? Well I got accepted on the advanced group, well shit I had to learn the basics for myself but didn't care cause I get to do what I really wanted... At the same place with my brother that suddenly want to get percussion classes (and still swimming).
That obviously didn't work out, for some reason my mom decided that swimming was more important (when convenient). She "corrected" me everyday, everytime that she had the opportunity even though she know nothing about singing, told me to shut up when practicing. Even so I obtained a Solo for my first concert ever over all the 50 kids that were there for 5 years or more. The day for the concert came in, I did the best I could, the teacher congratulate me, but not my mom, I had to hurry up, I had training that day, the day came off as any other. I skipped every concert since then, my brother had training. I skipped training regularly, my brother had percussion class. He got bored of music she stopped taking me to music, we drop out. I keep training, I got to keep athletic, I have to bare the tough competition training, I often got out of the pool to puke and came back to training, coach seemed concerned but didn't say anything, she started to say I was slacking. Coach emigrates to another country, ray of hope, I slipped through it when we had no coach at age 15 on my first trimester of my junior year.
Finally some liberty I got to put up my grades, that weren't really bad but weren't perfect so I studied hard, was considered honor student, I tutored my brother in all the subjects he needed help.
Senior year (16y/o), the school hires a singing professor, I got the chance to sing again, got singing classes and practice on my free hours to not stay after school for my mom not noticing. Finally tells her that I'm singing again. She tells me, why you didn't like singing, after all you quit, even so it wasn't true, we fought, I kept practicing for presentations at school, while preparing mother's day concert she said "If you're gonna sing like that tell me now so I don't go, it's enough that you are embarrassing yourself", I don't pay too much attention. Day of the concert came we got a sound system problem exactly on my turn, I proceeded to sing with an anxiety attack on stage after done I went backstage and cried my eyes out. After calming myself down went out with my eyes red and inflamed to see my mom with a serious look telling me that she told me that I didn't have to do that if I was going to end up crying for not being good enough, I kept practicing, I never went to a presentation. My singing professor offered me to work with him on his studio, maybe even record original songs, my mom said no, I was still underaged to be working (in my country you can't work until you're 18). He called me on my 18th birthday to offer me the work again, I had to decline, I applied to Med school and my mom obligated me to apply for physiotherapy, I got in both so I had to study both at the same time.
She always expected perfection, nothing less from me. Yet my brother got the liberty to got the grades he could, do the things he liked, drop off if he wanted, be able to not excell at everything he tried out. He didn't had half the expectations I had to comply. And I can't help but have the feeling that if he wasn't autistic I wouldn't have to compensate that all my life.
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emilyiannielli · 7 years ago
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I want to be a transgender girl model and actress but I have no leads or contacts and I certainly have the skill, talent and desire. I worked 30 years in the fields of mechanical engineering and accounting (CPA) and now I'm on social security disability and long term disability due to a complete mental breakdown and was formally diagnosed with bipolar disorder and gender dysphoria. I'm living full time as a woman going on 5 years this coming September in the dawn of my life as I'm 56 now going on 57 on 1/18/18. I survive now on Medicare, Social Security Disability, Long term disability with the AICPA, therapy, psychiatric care, transgender care and lots of medication and female hormones. My life and top priority is my 18 year old autistic son and family. I'm lucky I'm still alive as I attempted suicide 3 times trying to follow in the footsteps of my parents as my mom starved herself to death in 1990 at age 50 as she was in and out of psychiatric hospitals for 20 years and my dad committed suicide in 2009 at age 73 by jumping in path of speeding train. He lost his will and struggled in wake of mum's death and was worn out working as a proud local 361 iron worker but the business took a toll on my dad who put 42 years in the business losing both his father, brother and friends in the business. My dad was featured in the chapter 'Death on the bridge' written by Gay Talese who interviewed my dad who witnessed his friend fall to his death while working on the Verrazano Narrows Bridge as he attempted to pull him up after he slipped off the catwalk and my dad couldn't hold on to his friend as he was much heavier than my dad and if it wasn't for the fast actions of a Canadian Indian from the reservation who pulled my dad back he would have went over too but my dad was never the same after that & unfortunately turned to the bottle to cope. I lived with multiple tragedies as my 26 year old nephew, sister's son who was a former US marine unfortunately suffered PTSD and fell into alcohol and drug use that took his life. Still not sure if it was a drug induced suicide or an accidental overdose as the coroner has not issued his report yet as we lost him on 4/14/2017. Sad🌺 (at Target Store Hicksville)
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Well By noscoaz on February 8, 2016 Verified Purchase I purchased this in high hope for help sleeping due to the amazing feedback. Well, I have tried it and I have horrible stomach cramps from it. I am not sleeping as I have the worst stomach pain during the night and into the next day. I have tried even just 1 drop and still to no avail, my body does not like it. I contacted the company and they issued me a refund no questions asked. ****Please beware if you give to your pets or children I would hate to have my dog or cat feel like this and not be able to tell you how bad they feel since they can not talk. 5.0 out of 5 stars Works well for me By River Runner13 on April 14, 2016 Verified Purchase This works well for me when I am stressed. I originally bought it for my epileptic dog but changed to the pet version for him due to the alcohol content. I did use it with him for a few days and it worked well to calm him down after a seizure. I use it now when stressed or anxious. I will have this a staple in our medicine kit. 5.0 out of 5 stars I bought this because my little brother is very restless ... By Amazon Customer on June 2, 2016 Verified Purchase I bought this because my little brother is very restless. He is constantly jumping up and down, wanting to scream and kick. But well those are the things he does since he's autistic. He is always with so much energy before going to bed so I bought these and now he's very calm before he sleeps and goes to bed early now too. It is a stress reliever for him and us.
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Anybody know of cheap but good car insurance?
"Anybody know of cheap but good car insurance?
i drive an SUV and i would like to have good coverage as well as being covered if someone else is driving my car....
BEST ANSWER:  Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://financeandcreditsolution.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr 
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""What's the cost of insurance on Porsche's, BMW's Ferrari's, etc?""
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When am i supposed to try and get insurance for my son? I'm sorry if this is a completely stupid question but i've asked many people and they don't know. He's due January 28th, 2012. Am i supposed to get insurance BEFORE he's born, or after? Can i even get it before he's born? It just seems like if i try to get it after he's born it'll take awhile and he needs to go to the doctor soon after he's born of course. My insurance will not cover him. My fiance's will cover him but the owners of the company have been putting his paperwork off. Anyway, please help. :)""
""Does my auto insurance cover anyone driving, if they have no insurance themselves? thanks?""
Does my auto insurance cover anyone driving, if they have no insurance themselves? thanks?""
Teen auto insurance 600$ a month WTF??
i just got my license today i'm 18 male NY completed drivers ed, i did a couple of quotes online for a cheap old beat up car like a 95 chevy caviler and most of them gave me three thousand dollar 6 month premiums, which is 500$ to 600$ dollars a month for a a piece of junk car! what kind of bull is that?? thats like a month of rent!!!!!!!!! someone should sue those corrupt bastards!""
Do I need insurance to buy a used car?
Wisconsin- I will be buying a new car this week (2004 Monte Carlo). My license is currently suspended, do I need to get insurance for it before I bring it home? (My mom will be driving it home for me)""
2002 LEXUS IS300 price of full coverage insurance?
im looking at a 2002 LEXUS IS300 and now im just wondering what the price of full coverage insurance is before i buy it.And if you have owned one of these cars maybe you could give me a review of it,like what kind of repairs so far while owning it,is it reliable?.just wondering because i dont wanna car thats known for having engine and tranny issues, oh and how does ride .any way im just wonderin what other people opinions are on it.""
Advantage of auto insurance?
please provide me some information about auto insurance.
Effects of Multiple Sclerosis on car insurance?
A friend of mine was diagnosed with relapsing remitting MS just over a year ago. She had several bad relapses one after another but was then put on tysabri and has been getting better and better since then. She now feels ready to start driving again but is worried her insurance will be through the roof. She is in good health now and because of the tysabri is not likely to have a relapse again for at least a couple of years. Does anyone have any experience of trying to get car insurance if you have MS?
How much on average does insurance cost for a small business in UK?
How much on average does insurance cost for a small business in UK?
How much will my car insurance go up?
I have a honda accord lx (2003). I hit a metal pole and there was considerable damage to my car. The damage is mostly to the right front side and the tire. I have informed my insruance company so they can review the damages and come up with a dollar amount. I can decide if I want to pursue the claim through my insurance company or accept the charges my self. If it is going to cost alot to fix the car, I may need to use my insurance to pay for the damages. How much will my insrance go up? I have heard that my rates could be impacted for the next 3 years. Will the rates decrease after 3 yrs?""
Car insurance companies that allow you to drive other cars?
If i am over 25 and fully comp on my vehicle I can drive other vehicles that have fully comprehensive car insurance which insurance policy let you do this?
Does a Dodge Dart have sports car insurance?
If i buy a dodge dart Rallye and it has the 1.4L turbo engine, will i have to pay for sports car insurance?I have statefarm..""
Anybody know of cheap but good car insurance?
i drive an SUV and i would like to have good coverage as well as being covered if someone else is driving my car....
https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/fresno-california-cheap-car-insurance-quotes-zip-93729-henderson/"
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aswadsofa-blog · 7 years ago
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First
I am not writing this with the hopes for people to read it.. i am writing it more to get things out of my head that are either stuck there or got lost and randomly come back.  i think i am hoping for it to be therapeutic to some extent.
i used to have livejournal and stuff when i was young.. like 11..12.. xanga.. that stuff, writing stupid things, posting stupid things, more as a trend.  
i have many experiences, leading to how i got to how i am now.. and which make a part of how i will be tomorrow and the next day. sometimes i think it is natural to ask yourself, how did i get here? how did i let things happen?
as a practicing muslim, “how” “if” “what if” .. i have learned by guidance these type of thoughts and questions are very toxic to your brain and mind.. and my mind has never really been a, to the normal, a healthy place.  
it might be odd after the stories i write in here to say i am a practicing muslim.. there was a time where i had no idea what life was about and was searching and depressing myself more then my already natural stage of depression and anxiety.. but oh god i cannot praise god enough for things and every thing... my outlook.. after my experiences.. some people are entitled but they never learn.  things cannot be learned without experience.  i am not justifying some of the things i have done at all.. but they have taught me things that have giving me a better understanding of life and after.. but after saying that-- i am far from wise.. and i still have a long way to go..
i was telling my brother a story recently, i don’t see him too much, but i am comfortable with him more than anyone and i have no idea what made me start telling him this one story, but i started going on in pretty much detail-- and he mentioned “you should start a blog” or something along the lines of that.
the problem with that is my experiences i have tried very hard to get away from my head and thoughts, but they pop up like an acid flashback, it could be from all the acid and hallucinogens i was doing at one point, i don’t know, i’m not a neurologist or a doctor of any sorts.. but my stories wont be in any order.. which i guess would be a problem if this was meant for people to read and get interested in.. but it’s not..
i was a digusting terrible drug addict . i use past tense since i am not actively using, although i have been medicated since my last use of hard drugs, which i would love to stop, oh how i would love to stop, but once you stop the medication that body sickness comes back and then you wonder is it worth it? and i am not ready for that sickness.  i have an autistic toddler who i need to give full attention to, and i feeel sometimes i use this as an excuse but oh god i wish to come off this medication at some point. i don’t consider myself a a drug addict and i don’t like using the term “recovering” i used that for a while when i first got clean by medication for a period, but i don’t even consider myself recovering.. even if i technically am, whatever.. i just am.  
my drug of choice was heroin, heroin was my #1 over anything.  heroin became me, actually, he took over me.  he was my family, my lover, my friend, my drive, my job, my life.  i knew i cared about other things, but he did not want me to, he is very ... clingy, i guess.  (he = heroin).  why? why did i start it? it could have to do with genetics, but i don’t like to think that, but i might be.  my father immigrated to america and loved drinking.  i am sure he probably dabbled in other stuff during his time.. but i don’t know for sure, and i am not sure if it was an addiction, but maybe it was i don’t know.  so maybe my body already had some shit wrong with it.  both of my parents had actual depression, the chemical imbalance.. so this is something i was born with surely.  i didn’t really know even what depression was until i like 17 years old.  when i was young, 4-5, i would have anxiety attacks and i never knew what it was until i was grown.  i have other family members that had drug problems, so it’s not like addiction was something foreign to me.  i knew about it pretty well.
when i was 12 i used to listen to music where it was cool to be straight edge, so i was like yeah i don’t drink or use drugs.. but i was only so young so... i didn’t have even a chance really.  i was always friends with kids older than me, my best friends were 14, 15.. and one of them lived down the street.  she was a grade higher than me, and i think she was 14 or 15 when i was 12.. she smoked cigarettes like crazy, and she dated guys over 18.  oh this girl.  but we were friends, and my family thought she was a nice girl i guess.  i didn’t even curse before and during the start of my friendship with this group of people.  i remember one night she had high school kids over and they were smoking weed and i smoked with her, and then it became like a regular thing.. 
something happened, i can’t remember what, but i was embarassed of it and then until into like freshman year i didn’t touch drugs or drink, i think i just smoked some cigarettes maybe.  
then really i have no idea what the changing point was, maybe the depression, maybe the lifestyle, but i became smoking weed again, drinking sometimes you know at parties.. i tried coke freshman year, i liked it but it didn’t become an addiction.  my doc was weed and that was it, didn’t really like drinking too much either.   i started dating this guy who hated drinking and smoking and i stopped for a couple years during that relationship... but then at the end i started drinking at parties and smoking weed again regularly  which ultimately ended our relationship, he did not like the lifestyle i was going towards.  
after that, i had freedom to do more.. i was working in the mall at a sub-culture type store and i had started taking acid regularly and weed was constant.  i started getting synthetic hallucinogens from people in asia and took them.  i would trip constantly.  
some point in this my dad started getting sick, and i was very heartbroken over it, i love my dad a lot, and i think now, if i love him why would i have done this stuff? i was fucking stupid obviously.  anyway.
these trips brought me light on things and also brought me to a dark place.  i started taking opiates, pills, and every once in a while would snort some coke or heroin, but pills were more available for me at this time.  but still prefered weed.  a doctor prescribed my xanax for my anxiety attacks and i was taking them not to get high, i never was able to get high off them, i still don’t know how people do, but they did definately almost kill me a couple of times when mixing them with heroin,,, but that’s for another story. my anxiety at some point got so... fucked, i don’t know another word.. i hated going around people, i hated going to school, i pushed away my friends.. and i didn’t really tell any of them about anything.. we would hang out, it would be normal, but my feelings were my feelings and i didn’t bring them really to anyone else.. 
at some point i moved out of my parents house, to the city, where drugs were readily available.  at this point i  was using heroin a bit more regularly, but i still was snorting it.. still smokng weed.. still drinking.. tripping, but not as regularly.  was muslim at this point, but i wasn’t practicing.. but i would pray to god to help me.. you know .. but my life i was living was still a sin.   i started working a good job and i made friends.. and i had more money, and i partied more, and i then i started shooting the heroin, and sometimes shooting coke.  even that statement right there put a knot in my chest thinking about it.  it made me think of this time my best girl friend and i were at a party with our co workers and we kept running off to the bathroom to do the heroin.. her and i would go to the park and snort it in front of people like it was nothing, and they didn’t even realize it.. one person did, i remember that, but we played it off and said it was just coke and he was like oh ok that’s fine it’s just coke hahahaha... her and i were always together day and night.. i was comfortable with her, 
this girl and i were exactly the same person, i loved her to death, her i and after a bit even started relationships with two guys who were best friends, we were always together, at work, after work, but the problem was we started to become ugly junkies together.  her boyfriend liked shooting coke always with his heroin, which got me into really liking doing them together.  oh god that feeling, oh god.  when it goes through your veins, that is what makes it addictive.. 
she moved far away with her boyfriend for a job they were offered, and i was living with my boyfriend but we broke up, and i think that was how i became a toxic junkie.  i didn’t have someone next to me, or doing it with me in a loving way i guess, i stopped caring about everything around me, i didn’t care about work, unless it was to get the money to pay my rent and to get my drugs, i wasn’t eating a lot, but luckly i was working in restaurants at this point so i didnt’ have to worry about paying for food anyway. my mom was helping me out a lot.  i was a piece of shit.  my life was all about drugs.  i was in school and working, and then i stopped going to school.. and i stopped working, because i was so into my habit i couldn’t be responsible anymore towards these things.  
the point where i stopped working i didn’t have rent money so i ended up moving in with my parents again, and i was going to school in the citty a couple days a week.  this only lasted 3-4 months.  my fathers illness was killing me to live around, i was spending hundreds of dollar a day on drugs.  where the fuck does that money come from? i wasn’t paying rent or bills anymore, and i had some money left.  and i kept saying i am going to stop, i am going to stop.  my brother knew at the time i think i was using, but my mother was in denial and my dad i think he knew too but his brain was all fucked up from his illness that even if he did know he wasn’t going to say anything or he didn’t want to say anything because he wasn’t sure if HE was hallucinating or not, and he loved me so much, my dad.  never will anyone ever love me like he did.  i swear to god, if any of his other children were a drug addict and in the position i was , my father would have literally KILLED them, but he was in love with me.. and i pray his soul is resting in heaven now and i repent for caring more about the drugs then him.  that isn’t what it was, even thought it was what it was.. i didn’t want to remember this person that loves me so much is withering away.. so let me just shoot some heroin and feel good.  
i had someone who wanted to marry me, he had no idea i was an addict, the only people who knew i was an addict was the people who i told or who saw me.  my brother found me a couple times out with a needle stuck in my arm, so he knew, but my mom “didn’t know” and others didn’t.  
i am missing a lot from this story, but it is a basis so maybe the other stories will make more sense.
so this guy i pushed him off for a year, but after the few months of living in my parents house again i was going crazy, i told my brother i couldn’t handle it anymore and if i didn’t die soon from the drugs i was going to kill myself.  i told my mom i was an addict and she tried to get me help, but it didn’t work out.  i convinced myself if i got married that would help me, because i would have something.. and at some point it did.. after getting married, my husband found out almost right away i was an addict and after 3 months of marriage, i got put in a program, but i also was pregnant.  but thank god for that.  almost 2 years i was in this program, but i came off too soon and relapsed.  and spiraled out of control about another 6 months of drug use, $5,000 worth of drugs in less than a month, i don’t know how i let that happen, my son was young but not so young.. and i loved him but i had disappeared twice during this 6 months, leaving my son without me.  oh god, how fucked up was that of me? oh god, how could i do that? heroin really is mind control... you choose to do it, yes, this is your decision, but the monster it makes you.. oh god it is fucked up!! i don’t know what i was thinking, i was being selfish.  my husband and i were fighting a lot and i wanted to feel good, because that was the only outlet i knew at the time.. i knew that when i felt bad, heroin would make me feel good.  so i started again with the heroin and coke . i thank god i found somewhere to help me and god gave me the power to see what the fuck i was doing.
during that whole time up until that relapse, where i almost lost my family and son, i honestly don’t think i was thinking how fucked up i really was.  i knew that what i did was bad, yadadada, but i don’t think i was taking it seriously.  i wasn’t ready to come out of the program, and i did, and i was around fucked up people, god i fucking hate people .  i am not blaming it on them, but addiction is a hard thing, and when you are around other addicts it doesn’t make it much better.  it was a good thing that i was in that program, because it intitially got me off the drugs, but being around those people made my mentality of life fucked up.  how can the state think it is helpful for addicts to be around other addicts with addict mentalities? i don’t know.. but what i do know, is that since that last relapse, i have not been in programs, and maybe once a month i talk to a psychologist, i take some medication, yeah, but i am not around any people.  i am around my son and my husband, who i thank god for putting up with all of this fucked up shit i did.  i’m not around addicts.  “my kids mean everything to me” god when i hear them say that, i know it is bull shit, because being around other addicts you will never get that fucked up mentality out of your head.
thank god i am away from this shit addiction is hard getting away from it is hard getting your mind back is hard i thank god for this i swear .. i am not where i should be, but i thank god i am where i am.. i can’t say it enough.. i can’t think it enough!
so.. i know i missed a lot of stuff.. which could be useful in my stories.. but it is the basis for the stories that i will randomly remember and put in here.. the stuff some people could never imagine, the stuff some people know about but never seen, the stuff that i remember and want to punch myself in the face for, the stuff that i thank god i saw and i thank god i have the mind to use it to learn from it, instead of continuing being a worthless piece of shit...tales of depression, anxiety, addiction and life!
anyway
this is enough for now
i didn’t even get to put any stories , but i will
bye for now
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emilyiannielli · 7 years ago
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I want to be a transgender girl model and actress but I have no leads or contacts and I certainly have the skill, talent and desire. I worked 30 years in the fields of mechanical engineering and accounting (CPA) and now I'm on social security disability and long term disability due to a complete mental breakdown and was formally diagnosed with bipolar disorder and gender dysphoria. I'm living full time as a woman going on 5 years this coming September in the dawn of my life as I'm 56 now going on 57 on 1/18/18. I survive now on Medicare, Social Security Disability, Long term disability with the AICPA, therapy, psychiatric care, transgender care and lots of medication and female hormones. My life and top priority is my 18 year old autistic son and family. I'm lucky I'm still alive as I attempted suicide 3 times trying to follow in the footsteps of my parents as my mom starved herself to death in 1990 at age 50 as she was in and out of psychiatric hospitals for 20 years and my dad committed suicide in 2009 at age 73 by jumping in path of speeding train. He lost his will and struggled in wake of mum's death and was worn out working as a proud local 361 iron worker but the business took a toll on my dad who put 42 years in the business losing both his father, brother and friends in the business. My dad was featured in the chapter 'Death on the bridge' written by Gay Talese who interviewed my dad who witnessed his friend fall to his death while working on the Verrazano Narrows Bridge as he attempted to pull him up after he slipped off the catwalk and my dad couldn't hold on to his friend as he was much heavier than my dad and if it wasn't for the fast actions of an Canadian Indian from the reservation who pulled my dad back he would have went over too but my dad was never the same after dad and unfortunately turned to the bottle to cope. I lived with multiple tragedies as my 26 year old nephew, sister's son who was a former US marine unfortunately suffered PTSD and fell into alcohol and drug use that took his life. Still not sure if it was a drug induced suicide or an accidental overdose as the coroner has not issued his report yet as we lost him on 4/14/2017. Sad🌺 (at Target Store Hicksville)
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emilyiannielli · 8 years ago
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My dad
Today is Father's Day and I want to wish my dad a very Happy Father's Day as we unfortunately lost him to suicide in 2009. My mom we lost to mental illness in 1990. That tragic end does not however define my father's life as he was truly a hero to me. He served 2 years in the Navy at the age of 17 and after that went to work at age 19 in the 'family business' which actually was not truly a family business but his father and he and his 3 brothers also worked proudly as ironworkers building bridges, office building, courthouses, hospitals, high schools and skyscrapers that dot the Manhattan skyline. He was very proud of what he did and he did it for over 45 years and in between that time he managed to marry the love of his life, my mother who gave birth first to me and then to my two younger sisters. My father and mother were so proud when I was born a boy that they gave me the same name as his father and himself with my mother's approval so I was born Edward D Iannielli III. The D is for Donald. I was and always will be proud of my name because that was bestowed on me by my parents with pride so I accept my name with honor and pride. My two sisters and I had wonderful parents but unfortunately mom had mental illness and was in an out of hospitals from her early 30's when my youngest sister was only 4 years old, my middle sister was 8 and I was 10. My father literally had to take on the roles of both mom and dad while working in a dangerous business where he saw death and tragedy having lost a friend, his father and one of his brothers to the business due to falls from different construction sites. We were young and while mom was in the hospital dad would go right to the hospital after his work day and then would bring us home White Castle burgers with fries quite a bit in addition to pizza and Chinese food until we became self sufficient to cook for ourselves. I would usually go to the store and my dad would give us money when mom was unable to shop and I would by bread, milk, eggs, cheese, butter, Kraft macaroni and cheese, Oreo cookies, pop tarts, captain crunch cereal, soups, spaghetti o's, spaghetti, frozen pizza, chicken pot pies, pastries, soda, potato chips, chicken cutlet, beef, ketchup, mayonnaise, mustard, tuna fish, olive loaf and turkey breast, lettuce, tomatoes and pickles Thomas's English muffins, olive oil, shredded mozzarella cheese and olives. Then my sister's would cook and I would make grilled cheese sandwiches the way my mom made them and English muffin pizza's while my sister's and I would have a plate of chicken cutlets with mashed potatoes or spaghetti waiting for dad after visiting mom in the hospital. My dad was a quiet man who was very kind and caring and you could tell he was hurting because mom was sick and there was very little we could do as her psychiatrist just prescribed her tons of medication and she had several electro shock therapy sessions and we had no idea what to say or do about that. Mom really suffered and dad was so loyal to her even during her last remaining days when we kind of knew we were going to lose her. Mom died at age 50 in 1990. I was 29, my middle sister was 27 and our younger sister was 22. My two sisters were already independent and my middle sister was married with a son who mom did get to share time with. My younger sister had her own apartment and was dating. I was the one still at home with my father and I lived to see how her death deeply impacted him as he isolated himself basically closing himself off to others and the only things aside from his children and grandchildren and future grandchildren was his ironworking and his love of books and passion for making airplanes out of cardboard, toothpicks and balsa wood as well as replica construction sites and tower cranes. He was also a big fan of John F Kennedy and Charles A Lindbergh and WWII movies. He would sometimes go and visit family relatives but basically aside from me being home he was very isolated and depressed and started unfortunately to drink his problems away but the drinking only resulted in more problems where Dad had to go for detox in Rhode Island for 30 days and family interventions and was in psychiatric hospitals like mom. I was literally witnessing my father becoming unglued and I was also struggling with mom's death, my dad's anti social situation and his drinking problems in addition to my gender struggle and self imposed isolation. I was going down the same path as my father and had thought about suicide so after seeing all this play out I needed to start going for therapy in my early 30's which also coincided with my desire to transition to become a woman but I couldn't as it would have crushed my father so I had to keep it internalized and continue therapy to try to deal with my mom's death, my father's situation and my own. Throughout all the pain and heartache and tragedy I always saw an inner strength in my dad that forced him to live despite his weaknesses. He was a very devoted and loyal husband to mom, a very loving and caring father to my two sisters and I and was a very proud ironworker doing something he loved as he provided for his family so as I reflect on Father's Day I always will hold on to the many wonderful attributes of my dad who was my hero and remember how much he loved mom and my two sisters and I and our children. He always made time for his grandchildren and would visit us and have conversations with Matthew and he would play games and build lego structures as he talked about building the Verrazano Bridge and I'll never forget this precious moment when my dad, me and my son Matty would drive over the Verrazano Bridge and my dad, 'Pop' would say to Matthew 'I built that bridge' and my son's eyes would light up saying 'you built that whole bridge' as he felt so proud and all I could do was choke back tears when I learned that my dad had taken his life on April 16, 2009; exactly 2 years following the Virginia Tech mass shooting tragedy. I even remember my dad calling me up to tell me about it since I studied mechanical engineering there many years earlier. The coroner ruled my dad's death a suicide as he jumped into the path of a rush hour train essentially being crushed to death at age 73, no suicide note; and my brother-in-law went to identity the body as I couldn't handle it myself. Our whole family was devastated and I started to withdraw even though I was married with a beautiful wife and our 10 year old autistic son who kept asking us why Pop doesn't come by anymore as we couldn't tell him for quite some time and he would rationalize that Pop was on vacation and we'd see him again. It was such a tragic and difficult time and I just started back in therapy talking about all the family tragedies as I also tried to speak of my personal struggles with being transgender. It took me 48 years to finally embrace the true me as I knew I felt like a girl since age 3. I came out at age 51 and was talked into taking a new job with a pediatrician who had several offices and was looking for a controller but from day one he never allowed me a phone or gave me a seat in business meetings so I felt like I was an experiment but the practice manager made it seem like they were transgender friendly but the doctor/owner wanted no part with me so he had the practice manager terminate me, I fainted, was brought to Bellevue hospital where I spent ten days and was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and gender dysphoria and they had to find me an out patient facility before they could release me which was Mount Sinai Beth Israel Hospital where I went for almost 4 years and was approved for both SSD/LTD, eventually Medicare and waiver of premium for my $1M life Insurance policy that will pay out in any event if I die no later than September 30, 2036 as I will be 75 and I have no real desire to live past age 65 - 69. I don't see the age of 70 in my future but I will live my life as Emily Iannielli with the D being Denise but retaining my birth name and I am proud to be a father of my son Matthew Edward Iannielli and wish to express my appreciation to my wife who did all the hard work as his mother. Im still with my family luckily as I continue to live out the rest of my life as Emily my transgender name which will always be unofficial since I'm not planning to change my name even if I'm fortunate to have the surgery. So I wish to extend a very Happy Father's Day to my Father who is now 8 years in heaven with mom who is 27 years in heaven and also I wish to make mention of my 26 year old nephew who tragically died on April 14, 2017 with no definitive explanation by the coroner's office yet as to why and our family is completely devastated over this and I wish to extend my condolences to my sister and her husband who had to bury their child. I also wish to extend Happy Father's Day wishes to all my friends here who are fathers whether they are men or transgender women. In my book they are all fathers including transgender women who have children through marriage when they were living as men like myself. There's no shame in being transgender but to deny fatherhood by making up a word to identify yourself as is not in my eyes the right thing to do. I'm a father and I also happen to be a transgender woman and I'm lucky to be a father to a wonderful son who now is 18 years old! Where has the time gone? I remember when he was in the hospital bassinet and now he's a grown young man who's the best part of my life!❤️ Happy Father's Day! Love, Emily Edward
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