#I hate squad zero more than I hate mayuri and that is saying something because I fucking hate him

[bleached-socks]

I really need to just watch TYBW because I want to see Uryu and the Bambies and Shinji’s bankai and whatnot, but if I want to get to them, then I have to sit through Squad Zero being complete manipulative assholes to everyone, which is why I stopped the first time I tried to watch it. I want to watch it, I swear, I just cannot stand Squad Zero

[gunnerpalace]

Everyone “Smart” in Bleach is Actually Stupid as Hell

I’m angry about PVP in Brave Souls so I’ve decided to focus that energy into something that’s been gnawing at me.

I think it's pretty easy to take for granted that Aizen was chilling out, screwing around with Las Noches and the Espada and all his nonsense in Soul Society, because he was busy doing "research" to produce Wonderweiss. Literally nothing else mattered to him except nullifying Yamamoto. (Put another way: he was trying to cheese the raid by waiting for a 100% fire resist link to drop from the gacha.) Which is why he tried to kill Harribel himself for no good reason: dude didn't care, all that was a game.

Fine, fair enough, whatever.

But what the fuck were Kisuke and Mayuri doing?

Aizen's plan was to murder Karakura, make the key, go to the Royal Realm, and try and become god. If he succeeded, that's it, game over for basically everybody. It is not a scenario any of our protagonists wanted to occur, because it was an existential threat; that is to say, they and everyone they cared about would probably die, and whatever faint reassurance you might gather from the cycle of reincarnation could possibly be lost too.

In other words, it is not the kinda thing where you just shrug and go "Can't win'em all." There was literally nothing more important.

Kisuke is supposed to be Mr. Genius, Mr. Prepared For Everything. He is supposed to be Tony Stark and Dr. Strange and Mr. Fantastic all rolled up into one.

So what the hell was his plan if Ichigo failed? Because it sure didn't look like he had one to me.

The Visored? Useless. Literally not worth a damn thing. (Would've been great for the invasion of Soul Society though; hey, stupid, why didn't you send them with Ichigo?)

Him, Yoruichi, and Isshin showing up? Useless. Now, Isshin was kicking Aizen's ass, so presumably if they hadn't waited for him to fuse with the Hougyoku, they could've done something. So why'd they wait until then?

Hey, you know who hadn't seen Kyouka Suigetsu and was supposed to be a total badass? Ryuuken. "I don't meddle in the affairs of Shinigami." Yeah, hey, buddy, you own a hospital in Karakura which was going to be destroyed, along with all your staff and your son. You kinda had a vested interest in this conflict. Just saying.

Here's a thought: Shinigami without shikai or bankai active aren't worth shit. Like, they can be killed trivially easily. Now Aizen is powerful enough, in an unreleased state, to stop a bankai with one finger, sure. (Or so it seems. How do we know he wasn't walking around in bankai all the time? Fuck you, Kubo.) But you know what? Dude's not omniscient. He can't predict Shinsou being activated from 10km away, any more than Harry Potter could tell a nuclear warhead was reentering the atmosphere toward him at 29,000km/h. Unless he has layers and layers and layers of illusions at all times, you could kill him trivially in his sleep or on the toilet. Even if he had all those, Ryuuken was never affected and could've killed him at literally any time.

Literally any time. Ryuuken knew Blut at the very least and could've done Letzt Stil. He didn't want to be a Quincy anyway and didn't seem to care about Yhwach either, so, why would he care if he lost his powers? Meh.

(Ryuuken is also supposed to be really smart and is a goddamn idiot.)

Anyway, Kisuke. What the fuck was your plan? Just hoping Ichibei would tank it if Ichigo fucked up? Gonna just write off Karakura? For that matter, considering Aizen's goal was to get up there and fuck with the Soul King, why didn't the dipshits in Squad Zero take a proactive stance instead of being utterly passive?

Leaving all this on Ichigo's shoulders actually made no goddamn sense other than "he's the protagonist."

Also, notice that Kisuke literally did zero science to try and alter this outcome. Dude has a kidou master as his employee who can literally alter spacetime. He knew how to build Hougyokus. Why didn't he make another one? Why didn't he come up with some Star Trek-esque bullshit technobabble solution? (The seal doesn’t count. Good technobabble needs either a long setup or a montage.)

Because Ichigo was the protagonist so it was his job.

Now let's talk about Mayuri. I fucking hate Mayuri. I hate him because he's a terrible person, sure, but lots of characters are terrible people. I hate him even more for being completely fucking useless. Literally nothing Mayuri does is earned. He is monodimensional, simplistic, incompetent, ineffectual, and completely irrelevant to the plot.

First of all, Mayuri's whole thing is he's a sadist. He gets off on hurting people. That's it, that's his entire motivation for anything, his guiding principle of action, and his raison d'être. This whole "science" angle? He's rivals with Kisuke? He's rivals with Szayelaporro? That's bullshit.

A perfect example is the Szayelaporro fight itself. Mayuri ultimately wins through outdoing Szayelaporro at deus ex machinas and kills him in a torturous way while getting his speech about how perfection should be hateful to a scientist. Hey, buddy, I got news for you: scientists don't jack off to their work either. They're methodical and thorough and although they can be passionate and sometimes have serendipitous discoveries, they don't just fly by the seat of their pants 24/7. Which is all Mayuri does. He doesn't do any preparation beyond his generic and vague gloating about analysis and so on.

You remember when Tsukishima used traps on Byakuya, and explained he could cut objects so it was like he'd always been there? That should've been Mayuri. Like Moriarty. Always ahead. Instead, he just pulls counters out of his ass. Now, one can look like the other, but that's what we call poor writing.

(I can go on about this forever: Mayuri is to an actually intelligent and prepared character as Limitless is to depicting a hyperintelligent being.)

And you know what? He sucks at science and prioritization. Ichigo is headed off to deal with Aizen and all Mayuri can think about is dead Espada bodies to dissect and trying to hurt Ichigo later. Newsflash, fucker: Aizen is about to take over the universe. Your jerkoff session can wait.

Except it can't, because that's all Mayuri cares about. Or maybe, it's that he knows he's literally no threat to Aizen.

See, if Mayuri really was Kisuke's rival, why didn't he make his own Hougyoku? Don't act like he wouldn't. He'd love to do that. He'd totally be down with forcing Hollowfication on Nemu. Or shoving it into Rukia's old gigai to make some kinda terrible eldritch mecha-Rukia. (Hey, there's a missed opportunity to make Dark Rukia canon). Or something. Anything. Double points if it psychologically hurts his allies as well as his enemies.

He did none of that. Not only did he not have a plan, he totally didn't care and seemed basically resigned to death.

And Aizen had no interest in killing him. Why? Two reasons: 1. he wasn't a threat, and 2. leaving him alive actually caused more harm than good. Aizen is a troll, and he recognizes that Mayuri is also a troll who affords Soul Society nothing. (Mayuri's science is essentially never of use outside of Mayuri's own fights, it doens't help anyone or advance the plot, ever.)

Literally everything he does is to justify and glorify himself. There totally could've been a vicious, amoral mad scientist character who did atrocities and was a very, very dark gray or black in terms of ethics, but that character sure the fuck isn't Kurotsuchi Mayuri.

All the "smart" people in Bleach are actually stupid as hell and their actions only make sense if they're all massive nihilist tools and, oh my god this explains everything about Kubo and his fucked up view of romance doesn't it

[aurora-313]

#the only one that is even kind of redeemable is kirio#I hate squad zero more than I hate mayuri and that is saying something because I fucking hate him#bleach#anti squad zero#I’m mostly ranting sorry#previous tags#which I completely agree with...#like... 200%

I'm of the opinion/theory/headcanon that Kirio has an epic case of buyer's remorse. She saw her new comrades, what they were about, the truth of the world, and thought 'Holy fuck you're all insane'. Problem is she can't really back down now and is trapped in a sunk cost fallacy.

I really need to just watch TYBW because I want to see Uryu and the Bambies and Shinji’s bankai and whatnot, but if I want to get to them, then I have to sit through Squad Zero being complete manipulative assholes to everyone, which is why I stopped the first time I tried to watch it. I want to watch it, I swear, I just cannot stand Squad Zero