#I hate mentioning race only because like- what do you say when you’re biracial ???

[saiwestfield]

Man, sometimes I’m sad that I like math class because I’m basically betraying my own kind (the gays) and (half??) enforcing stereotypes of Asian people 😔

[destinyc1020]

I know a lot of anons have said their previous dislike of z has nothing to do with race but sometimes we hold prejudices we don't know we have and tbh I personally think that's actually where the entitled thing comes from: z has always seemed very composed and confident (despite being shy) and black women are just not given the same grace as white women so there's this feeling she needs to be taken down a peg I see it too with the way people talk about Meghan markle like how dare she be royal

OMG THISSSSSS!!!!  YES!  Thank you so much for bringing this up, because it is so true.  

A lot of times we may say: “Oh I’m not racist”, or “I’m not prejudiced”.  But what we don’t realize is that most (if not ALL) of us do hold some internalized biases, whether we realize it or not.  It’s ingrained in us because of how we’ve been raised in society.  You can’t walk through this world without having SOME biases on some level.  It’s just not possible.  Especially in American culture.  (I can only speak on the U.S. since I’m American)   But it exists all over.   I don’t even think people realize how their views about people/different cultures/various ethnicities are shaped daily by the media, by what we see, by what they choose to present to us on the news, by what we’re taught in schools, by what we hear family members (or friends) say, etc.  

Like you mentioned, black women (and even biracial women) have not been afforded the same grace or “benefit of the doubt” as white women.  That’s a historic thing.  And this “needing to be taken down a peg” sentiment is something that I see so often.  I see a lot of negative labels being used when people discuss Meghan Markle (as you mentioned), Serena Williams, Zendaya, Oprah, etc.  Any black woman who’s at the top of her game, or (heaven-forbid) ends up dating or marrying one of their white male favorites, ends up getting a negative title for things that other women of other races wouldn’t even get half as much hate for.  They like to throw around that “arrogant” title as well... Like, “how dare you be successful/pretty/confident/love yourself!”  🙄  “How dare you be happy!”   It’s so transparent.  

So yea, it definitely exists.  

Not everyone dislikes Zendaya because of race or internalized bias of course, but most of the time, when you dislike someone so strongly that you don’t even KNOW personally (and who hasn’t even done anything wrong), 9 times out of 10 you’re operating from an internalized bias on some level.  Either that, or you’re just focusing on the negative and are allowing other people who are on a hate campaign towards her to shape your views.   Imagine if people who don’t even know you were to make a lot of negative assumptions about you?  🥴  

[anchanted-one]

Harry Potter Talk

Settle in everyone, this is going to be a long one.

So a couple of days ago, I saw a massive anti-HP (the character) rant that really irritated me that I wanted to address.

Before I do, let's address the transphobic in the room. Rowling. Transphobia is detestable, and not wanting to support the series while that directly benefits and enriches her is a super valid stance. Also my personal stance, we support the trans people in this house!

Now that that's out of the way.

"Harry Potter, jock from a wealthy family" or something to that effect.

Regardless of how big his bank account is, remember how Harry was brought up? And by whom?

The Dursleys. The magic-hating child-abusers. Who forced Harry to sleep in a cupboard under the stairs for eleven years. Who gave him Dudley's things secondhand. His mother's sister was so unwilling to spend a dime on him that she was dyeing some of Dudley's old things gray to use as Harry's school uniform.

His cousin Dudley, who delighted in tormenting him, and whose gang joined him in beating up Harry whenever Dudley felt bored enough that he wanted to beat him up for fun.

Is this the upbringing of a "rich jock"? He never used much of his wealth in the Muggle world and even in his school years he seems to know the importance of restraint, and sharing (in book one, he's delighted to be able to share with Ron, and in book four he gives the Twins a thousand galleons without a second thought). Dudley was the one who got thirty-six presents on his birthday and threw a fit coz it was less than what he'd got the previous year. Harry got a used tissue for Christmas. He was the one so not expecting any gifts at all that his best friend's mother packed him a hand-knitted sweater for him, and made his day.

Jock? He played the loneliest position in the Quidditch team. The Chasers and Keepers work together as a team, and the Beaters too, but Seekers are ignored by everyone--including the team--until it becomes apparent that they've spotted something.

Harry was quite popular when he joined the school, but that popularity mostly manifested as people pointing at his scar and whispering about him. Most made him uncomfortable. He only ever had a few friends he was comfortable with.

There were long periods when he was in fact an outcast. That time he lost fifty points for the thing with the dragon, or the time when the Ministry and the Newspapers had turned the entire Wizarding world against him. The time his name came out of the Goblet of Fire, all Houses except Gryffindor treated him like shit, and even the Gryffindors, while they were cheering for him, weren't paying much mind when he was saying that he didn't do it, or that he needed support. That one time, even Ron didn't stay by his side. He was all alone but for Hermione.

The only time he fit the bill of the jock was in book six, when he was too obsessed with what Malfoy was doing to give a damn about his newfound popularity. That was also when he chose the company of outcasts like Neville and Luna over popular hangers-on.

Yes, there are legit reasons to hate the character; he has a massive hero complex. He routinely gets his friends into trouble because of it. He has a very narrow and myopic perspective because of which he doesn't notice much outside of his mystery-hunter track (there was a time when I could illustrate that point better, but it's been a decade and more since I read the last book. I wanted to better read up before talking about this, but I can't bring myself to binge-read like I used to)

By contrast, yes James Potter was a 'jock'. But that's reason to hate him, not his son. Harry, when he sees Snape's worst memory, is rightly horrified. When Remus tries to make the "we were just fifteen" excuse, Harry reminds him "I'm fifteen!". (It should also be noted that Snape's memories obviously show his nemesis at his worst, whereas Remus Lupin--the Werewolf--tells Harry repeatedly that James and Sirius were there for him when no one else was. James risked his life to fight Voldemort, whereas Snape was happily on Voldy's side until that one person he cared about was marked for death by the Prophecy©. Snape was also an abusive bully well until he died--just ask Neville. Dumbledore has also told Harry that memories are fickle things, which can be changed, so the chances that Snape simmered in this memory and unconsciously distilled it to make his old nemeses seem even worse--or himself seem like the angel who wouldn't hurt a fly--also exist. As someone who's experienced bullying, mockery, etc, I know this self-serving tendency of memory quite well. Though this bit is speculation on my part. )

Regarding the sillier names like Pansy Parkinson, and mean descriptions

In addition, when the series began, it started as a children's series, hence the Roald Dahl-like non-villain bad guys of the early part, and the "hate-me-I'm-nasty" names they were given. The Dursleys. Dudley Dursley aka Dudders. "Pansy Parkinson". Everyone was more caricature than character. That's how they are in children's books.

Many people are also described in a way to make the reader immediately dislike them. Malfoy is pale, with a pointy chin. Snape is an oily man with a large beaked nose and greasy hair. Rita Skeeter has a mannish jaw. Umbridge has a face like a toad. All of this is again in keeping with the Roald Dahl theme. Whether it's Augustus Gloop, Veruca Salt, Mike Teavee, Violet Beauregarde or their mannerisms and descriptions make readers feel an instant dislike for them.

When the series became more... Mature, those caricatures can start finding their critics. Never mind that such caricatures and worse can be found in thousands of other works, like Superhero comics for instance. Yes, no one names their children "Pansy" but Slytherin was an allegory for white supremacist type people. Back in those days, JK wanted them to be hated without reserve, much as she wanted bigotry and racism to be (irony, considering where she stands today).

Death of the Author

In the text there is no real transphobia that I can remember, other than that description of Rita having a "mannish jaw" (I admit that I haven't read it in ages, but I am still certain of this). Once the material is out in print, everyone is free to interpret it as they choose. Whenever JK comes out with clarifications or retcons or something--as she is known to do anyway--it's still more of her headcanon than in-world truth. If there is no outright mention of something in the text, then it doesn't matter what meaning the author intended to convey. What matters is what each reader makes of it. In the case of Harry Potter, the enemy are clearly folks obsessed with blood purity: Purebloods.

Lazy names

I'm going to speak specifically about the Indian names here: Parvati and Padma Patil.

While India is a large country and the name is more common in certain regions than others, I had heard that Patel/Patil surname is quite common in Britain. And really in Indian cinema the most common girls' names are Priya (Big Bang Theory as well) or Pooja, many girls in this side of the screen have goddess names. Like "Parvati". Many people also keep the same first letter for names for twins, or even in families (for instance, my parents, sister, and I, all have names starting with "A"), so "Padma" is a nice choice of name. And really, Padma and Parvati Patil are much better names than "Khan Noonien Singh" (now there's a lazy name).

Everyone insists that Star Trek's Khan is supposed to be of Indian origin, but with a name like that and an actor with a Mexican accent... I don't really think so. It was because of this silly character generation that I didn't particularly mind him being played by the very white Benedict Cumberbatch.

But the Patil twins. Them I can feel that connection to.

Races of the main cast

Now this might be something contentious, so I apologise for that in advance.

No one cares what Harry is, though since Petunia is noted as being pale, and Lily has red hair, the unknown factor is James Potter. Was he black? That would make Harry biracial at best.

Ron is written as a freckled boy with red hair, and all Weasleys share that look.

As for Hermione... She is the poster child of the blood-purity bigotry bias. When reading her, people are supposed to understand that the prejudice against her is certainly her Muggle-born origin; not her skin color, not her nationality, not her sexual orientation. Which is why I feel it's necessary that she stand out as less as possible in those other ways. For this reason I think that it was a good idea to portray her as white.

Here are characters who are specifically noted as black: Dean Thomas, Michael Corner (both of whom were Ginny's boyfriends), Kingsley Shacklebolt, Angelina Johnson, Alicia Spinnet, Lee Jordan, Blaise Zabini (who's noted as being very handsome, and quite popular). Aside from these we have a few token people of Indian and Chinese origin. Speaking again as an Indian, I don't really mind. This is a British story set in a mid-nineties British school only accepting students from the British Isles. It makes sense to me if there are few Indians.

What does all of this translate to? There are legit reasons to hate both the character and the series. So don't make stuff up, especially if you're ignoring the text to do it. Don't confuse the author and their work, even if you have resolved not to buy that work and thereby support her.

[rboooks]

Right but Draco?? Having a crush?? On Hadrian?? Because he's nice to him??? Is um perfect????? Can I please please please please see how that happened? I'll give you my firstborn as payment!

You’re first born sounds tempting but I’ll accept naming rights instead. Based on  C’est La Vie by the ever-talented @cywscross. So this is set before Orion found Dimmionsion Hoppers.  Also I took liberties with the Malfoy’s family background because I have problems with HC and impulse control.

Draco Malfoy is biracial.

His family is French on his father’s side and British on his mother’s. 

He hates it, not that he’s a mixed-race as his parents married for love as much as they married for political convenience and he’s proud to be mixed race, but he often feels like he’s pretending.

Pretending to be British.

Pretending to be French.

He speaks his father’s language but he doesn’t celebrate all of his father’s traditions.Some summers they go over to visit his father’s sister and her children. These trips are equal parts of joy and anxiety in the young Malfoy heir. 

When he goes over to visit his cousins, they turn their noses up at his accent, his word choice and his aunt always makes one or two comments about him “thinking he’s too good to be a proper Frenchmen” if he so much as fumbles with his words. 

It’s not that he means to stumble or forget a few words here or there. It’s just that sometimes his mind goes blank when trying to think of what something is called and she takes it as him not being proud of speaking french. 

He doesn’t. He loves that part of himself, but it’s hard to use it when he lives in England and raised in England and has an English mother.

 He celebrates his mother’s traditions, speaks her tongue and feels more comfortable as he is often surrounded by her side of the family, but he sometimes mentions something or says something that has his playmates (Politics start from a young age, allies must be formed) confuse until someone realizes “Oh that’s a French thing right?” and he’s left wondering if he would fit better in France instead.

He doesn��t show his uncertainty, he has a reputation to uphold after all, but it doesn’t stop the confusion and the worry that’s just pretending to be something he not. He’s ashamed that he fails both sides of his culture.

Yet he loves both sides as well. Draco some days loves one side a little more. Take, for example, his favorite sport.

He doesn’t support the English National Quidditch team, he supports the French one. He loves their plays, loves their team colors, loves the players and most of all loves that he can understand when they yell out instructions to each other as a sense of pride rushes his chest each and every time. 

There just something warming about knowing when one of the players screams “Pass! Pass! Watch your left!”. It means differently somehow. He’s tried to explain it once before to Theo and Blaise but it’s like trying to explain color to someone who can’t see the same shades as he can. 

The French National Quidditch Team is his favorite because it lets him celebrate a part of himself with the worry of failing, that’s all there is to it.

It’s downright impossible to find any of their merchandise unless he hopes over to that country himself, which is a shame. His father makes sure to always get him the newest merch but sometimes the family just doesn’t have time to go hunting for a new jersey on vacation. 

They have a schedule the noble families need to keep even when they should be relaxing. 

He’s a bloody hound dog when it comes anything he may not already have and his parents don’t mind getting it for him if he can find it. This is why the day Draco walks by a store he only needs to catch the pale blue out of the corner of his eyes before he’s nearly pressing his face against the store’s window.

He’s never actually seen this store before, but there is a section dedicated to Quidditch and more importantly, there is a snitch painted in the French flag hanging right in front of it!

Draco doesn’t stop to think as he rounds the window and is pushing the door open in one quick and fluid movement. Cheerful chimes echo through the building while he makes a beeline for the snitch, as he gets closer he realizes with a start that it’s not just the snitch. 

There is an entire shelf filled to the brim with his team’s merchandise. Sure he has most of it already, but this is Diagon Alley. It’s the first store he’s seen in this place with good taste!

If Draco was prone to such pathetic displays he would be bouncing up and down in joy. He settles for browsing with a please smile instead, making sure to not bend his neck too much least he embarrasses his upbringing. 

A box of rings catches his eyes, as they are shaped in the four balls of the game and the light blue and white Snitch ring is really calling out to his inner Seeker. Just as his fingers pull the metal out of it’s holding a throat is cleared behind his back.

“Excuse me, but we aren’t open for business quite yet.” 

Turning around Draco comes face to face with a small boy that could be around his age if he ignored how tiny he is. He’s wearing some horrid muggle clothes but his poster is perfect, with a dignified aura around him.  Besides his memorizing green eyes, however, the stranger is rather plain in the face. 

“I beg your pardon?” Draco all but sneers, raising a brow. He seems weak, like those first-year Hufflepuffs and the Malfoy plans on making him regret speaking to him. 

The green-eyed boy doesn’t even bat an eye. He even offers a polite smile, without an ounce of judgment or falsehood.

“I said we aren’t open for business yet. Our opening day isn’t until next month I’m afraid.”  He waves his hand, gesturing to the rest of the room. It’s at this moment that Draco realizes with a jolt that the store is half empty. The entire left side of the place doesn’t even have shelves yet. “We just had the front of the store visible so the magical inspectors could give us the Ministry permit to sell magical items in this building. After they finish their walkthrough, the store is going back to being Unnoticed until opening day.”

Draco’s cheeks burn with embarrassment. Of course, he’s never seen this store before, he should have been aware that he missed it’s grand opening. He just marched right in like a child from a lower class. 

He lets the ring go, attempting to retreat gracefully.  “I apologize for my trespassing.”

Green eyes smile widens turning less polite and more friendly. It’s quite startling. “No harm is done. Do you like the French Team?”

“Yes. They are the only team with any sort of talent.” He’s not going to lie now. It’s obvious with the way his hand is still curled around the ring. He expects the boy to get huffy but instead, he merely tilts his head.

“They are quite good. Their Chasers are one of the world’s best. Blitzen Ballet is one of my favorite moves.” 

Draco’s eyes light up. “It’s a brilliant move! The amount of control and teamwork required is why they are the best. ”

“It is. I’m Evans. Hadrian Evans” Then much to Draco’s shock the boy holds out his hand, making sure to have it lower slowly after extending his arm so that his fingertips match up to his stomach. 

This means he knows that Draco is of higher standing but respects him none the less. Hadrian knows proper Pureblood customs? 

Eyeing the hand for only a moment Draco takes it.  “I’m Malfoy. Draco Malfoy.”

“A pleasure to meet you,” Hadrian says shaking his hand twice before turning over his palm so Draco’s ends up on top. Another Pureblood custom, one that the only nobility uses. How odd.

“Indeed.”  He responds. After letting go, Draco attempts to get away least he embarrassed his family name even more. Moving around Evans he starts to mumble under his breath in French. “How utterly troll of me to not notice the store isn’t ready yet.”

“It happens to the best of us. Don’t worry about it.” Hadrian says following him. Draco actually stumbles forward, and a hand closes around his elbow to keep him steady so he doesn’t topple over.”

“You speak French!?” 

“Yes.”  Evans seems far too amuse causing Draco to scowl. “Here you forgot your ring.”

“What?” Evans gently takes his right hand and slips on the snitch ring he had been eyeing. Draco practically turns to stone until the other steps back smiling at him with that same magically damn smile. “Consider yourself our first sale.”

“I don’t need your...your...”  Draco's minds draw a blank, he can’t remember the word in french and shame quickly leaks into every inch of his body. Lamely he finished in English. “Charity. I don’t need it.”

“It’s not. It’s our first sale. That’ll be one sickle.” Evans says not batting an eye at his broken french. Draco likes him a little for it. 

“I thought you weren’t open for business yet. Surely you won’t twist your own words minutes after uttering them. Why what would the owners say?” 

“We aren’t but my brother won’t mind. Don’t worry I won’t get in trouble.” Evans says lightly and suddenly he smiling in odd fondness with a touch of bewilderment. 

The Malfoy doesn’t know what to say. This was the first time someone had been able to break apart his words to find their meaning and seeing his real emotions beneath them. Draco almost felt naked at that moment, vulnerable in a way he wasn’t used to and he wasn’t sure he enjoyed it.

Suddenly he wants to leave, to put as much space as he could between himself and this odd wizard.  Fishing out a sickle he all but thrust it into the other hand. 

“Your french is lovely by the way,”  Evans says pocketing the money. “I’m glad I meet someone who speaks it right away. I need to practice the language a little more.”

Draco can only blink at him.  “It’s not perfect.”

“No. But it’s still lovely.”  He’s not lying. Draco can’t find a single trace of a lie on Evans's face. There isn’t even an effort to get on his good side with empty flattery. This is....the first time someone has been so nice to him without having a secret agenda 

“Thank you, Evans.”  He manages after a while. 

“Call me Hadrian and you’re welcome.”

Wrinkling his nose Draco huffs “I think not. We are not acquainted enough for me to call you by your first name Evans.”

“If it makes you uncomfortable-”

“Malfoys don’t get uncomfortable.” 

Evans chuckles amusement edge into all of his body language. “Alright. How about we hang out sometime so we can be acquainted enough for first names?”

Draco considers the idea, tempted to say now but so far, he can admit that he’s interested. Besides...it would be nice to have someone he’s age speak his second language without any judgment.  “Do you have an owl?”

“Yes.”

“Then we can owl each other the next time we are free and determine the place of our outing.” Draco half expects him to pull a face like many others do. But he’s quickly finding out Evans isn’t like many others.

Instead, Evans actually looks at him with such fondness mixed with a longing that it makes a healthy blush bloom across Malfoy’s face.  “Strategizing our plan of attack then?”

“But of course. Only a fool rushes in without a plan. My family always has a schedule.” 

Evans smiles at him. “Then I believe you will be better at planning it out. I’m free this whole next week since my brother has to do all the bureaucracy stuff that I’m not a part of.”

Trading some contact information, Draco is quickly leaving the store, making sure his strides are long and confident. He doesn’t glance back once even if he has the impulse to do so. He can feel Evan’s eyes on his back and he straightens up just a bit. 

He twirls the snitch ring on his hand a little watching it spin while thinking of this very odd outing he somehow got roped into planning and the even odder wizard he may have just befriended. 

I’m going mad. He thinks after finding his father and showing off his new ring. I actually want to see him again.

For the rest of the month, he meets up with Evans five more times and each time the other wizard insists on being called Hadrian. Draco refuses to do it on principle alone. It’s humorous.  

The pleasantly surprising thing about Evans is that he doesn’t seem to mind any of the prejudice pre-concessions people have. 

He doesn’t care Draco’s a Malfoy (He wasn’t after anything the Malfoy name could offer be it riches or political power), or that his dad was an accused Death eater (According to Evans, a  father’s action weren’t a reflection or burden of a son’s) or that Draco was Slytherin (Which may have something to do with Evans missing out the first year).

According to Evans, Draco Malfoy was just Draco Malfoy. Nothing more, nothing less. 

Exactly one week before the store Dimmionsion Hoppers (A name Older Evans and Younger Evans agreed upon thought why they thought it ironic he wasn’t sure)  was to open officially, Draco’s father had announced they would be going over to France for the remainder of the summer.

For the first time, Draco was torn between being excited to go and throwing a tantrum on wanting to stay. He was really enjoying Evan’s company it seemed. A little too much if his mother’s teasing smirk was anything to go by. 

She was the one taking him so much to Diagon Alley, of course, she would notice why. 

 “We can still owl each other and we’ll be seeing each other at Hogwarts anyway,” Evans said pleasantly over his ice-cream cone. Draco hated how attractive this plain wizard is suddenly turning and he has to look away in order to breath properly. 

“Finally convinced your brother that a proper education could only be found at the best school hm?”

“Yeah, he thought homeschooling was the way to go but I finally broke him.” 

Draco twirls his ring while bitting back a goofy smile. Malfoys don’t smile like love-struck fools. At least not before marriage.  “I suppose I could agree to owling for the remainder of the summer if you want to so badly.”

Hadrian laughed.  “It’s a deal then. We’ll keep each other updated on what’s going on yeah?”

The ring that is still on his hand- he’s only taken it off to sleep and shower- feels warm all the way to France with him.

The first letter that arrived had Draco fuming however and his mother had to cover her mouth in an effort to shift a laugh while his father just fondly rolled his eyes.

The Malfoy Heir didn’t notice his parents' reaction as he paced his aunt’s guest sitting room in a huff.  “Who the heck is he working with to make Evans sound this happy?! He should be honored he knows me! Not some low-income commoner!” 

[incomprehensiblelentils]

I did not get around to this yesterday but, a short selection of fictional things that meant a lot to me over the last decade! ...it is going under a cut bc it is Too Long sorry lmao.

Books

Little Fires Everywhere by Celeste Ng: this book came out in September 2017 and I have read it four times already. It’s the kind of book I want to write but I’m not sure I’m clever enough to: every event and every character is so purposeful and you won’t catch everything the first time through. Every time I reread it I find something new to marvel at. I hope the Hulu series is half as good

Everything I Never Told You by Celeste Ng: this was the first piece of fiction I ever found with a family with a Chinese father and a white mother. This family is a lot less functional than my family, but I've read this three times because that means the world to me. 

Ash by Malinda Lo: I discovered this in 2011 and it was the first f/f novel I ever read, and as I would later learn, one of a handful with a happy ending at the time, particularly in YA fiction. For a long time, I reread it every time I felt hopeless. I just reread it again last month and it is still as beautiful and meaningful to me as in 2011.

Girls of Paper and Fire by Natasha Ngan: This is an Asian-inspired fantasy (becoming more common now, but still irritatingly rare) written by a queer Asian woman, with f/f. I think it is only the second one of these, after Ash? It is frustratingly rare, anyway. The worldbuilding is incredible also.

The Astonishing Color of After by Emily X.R. Pan: We are getting more stories about biracial Asians, but they are still pretty rare and I treasure every one. This one felt so real to me.

The Miseducation of Cameron Post by Emily M. Danforth: The first half of this book captures so beautifully what it’s like growing up queer in a religious environment when you don’t even have the words or self-awareness to know what you’re feeling. This was another one I read over and over again when I was feeling low.

The Scorpio Races by Maggie Stiefvater: this is just a book for horse girls. I don’t know how else to describe this lol. I also feel like the romance is super downplayed until the very end, and honestly barely feels like a romance to me, so that’s refreshing!

Movies:

Pacific Rim (2013): I remember having this weird feeling when asked to give my top 3 movies once in high school, like maybe my favorite movie hadn’t come out yet so I couldn’t answer properly. I was right; this is the movie I was waiting for. This is my favorite movie. The feelings this movie gives me is the standard I hold all movies to.

Terminator: Dark Fate (2019): but Megan, didn’t this just come out? Yes, and it’s my other favorite movie now. I love (almost) every second of this movie. This movie made me feel a way that I thought maybe I might never feel again, after a certain other franchise movie this year took a dump on my heart. I don’t care that we’re never getting a sequel, we got this and that’s enough for me.

Thor (2011): Those of you who have been around awhile know that I really love this movie. I loved it before we all jumped on the Thor train after Ragnarok and I will continue to love it probably my whole life. It just makes me happy.

Aquaman (2018): This is Thor but underwater and with a biracial hero. It made me cry in the theater and I do not want to hear any negative opinions about it, I find them personally wounding.

Belle (2013): The fact that Gugu Mbatha-Raw isn’t a superstar is tragic, and this movie is gorgeous and lovely and made me feel a lot of things as a biracial person.

Mad Max Fury Road (2015): I remember seeing the trailer for this in the theater and going “yikes that looks like a thing I would never watch.” Joke’s on you, past me!!!! I find this a deeply stressful but glorious film that I can only watch like, once or twice a year.

Scott Pilgrim vs. the World (2010): I do not need or want to hear about how this movie is Problematic, I know all of its issues, and yet. It brings me joy and it was one of the first movies I saw when I was just starting to break out of my religious upbringing and I laugh until I cry every time I watch it.

Star Wars: The Force Awakens (2015): I am starting to realize that I am not and never really was a Star Wars Fan, which is to say that like...I love this movie specifically, I love the characters, I love the interactions, I love the stuff that happens. I do not so much love Star Wars as a whole? I like it fine! But this movie is the only part of the franchise to really make me go “oh, I get it.”

Professor Marston and the Wonder Women (2017): This was a weird little movie that nobody saw and nobody talked about, but I adore it because it’s so gentle and romantic. I don’t know how accurate it is to history and frankly I do not really care.

Big Hero 6 (2014): are you tired of me mentioning I’m biracial yet? This movie has biracial protagonists and a cute squishy robot and no romance and superhero stuff and I love it so much.

F8: The Fate of the Furious (2017): I went to go see this on a whim with my wife and it was one of the most joyous theater experiences of my life. I don’t know, I just love everything about it.

TV shows:

Community: This only kind of counts because it started in 2009 but I started it mid-s2 so eh. Seasons 1-3 of this show are written on my heart, I can quote a ridiculous amount of dialogue from them and these characters will stay with me forever. Warts and all, this is my show.

Dollhouse: Another technicality but like, I met my wife because we both loved Bennett Halverson so I gotta put this on here. It’s pretty significantly affected my life! Also I find that it holds up fairly well, if you’re down for the admittedly iffy premise and an ending that’s a bit of a mess narratively due to sudden cancellation.

Agents of SHIELD: I would never claim that this show is “good” but I do think that it has mostly figured out what the hell it’s doing. And it has been a pretty significant part of my fandom life for the last 6 years, so to leave it off this list would feel wrong. It gave me Daisy Johnson, first canon biracial superhero as played by a biracial actor, and for that i will always be grateful.

Warehouse 13: I could not tell you why I fell so deeply in love with this dumb, badly written show that shit the bed in the final episode more spectacularly than I could have imagined, and yet I did! I think probably it is because I love found family so much, and also I find goofy camp charming more often than not. And of course, there is Bering and Wells, the femslash ship that fandom forgot. I will never be over how no one knows what we have suffered!!!!!

Runaways: wow was this a surprise! The Runaways comic is my favorite comic besides Marjorie Liu’s X-23 run, and this show has basically nothing to do with it, and normally that would piss me off but they got my kids’ personalities down so well and all of the actors are so perfect that I really can’t complain. And also, this show has canon f/f and neither of them die at the end! Which is...better than some other shows I could mention!

Doctor Who series 1 and 5: I had a very intense Doctor Who phase in college, and after all was said and done and I quit the show for a time, I realized that although I love a lot of the characters, and Thirteen’s run is pretty good so far, what I really loved was Nine’s run and Eleven’s first season. That is the show at its best to me. Eccleston is my Doctor and Amy is my favorite companion.

Legends of Tomorrow: Look, I am as shocked as anyone that this, the scrappy underdog of the DCTV lineup, is the one that’s most emotionally competent and has the best character arcs! But here we are. Season 4 was some of my favorite TV I’ve seen, uh, ever.

Albums

Dirty Computer by Janelle Monae: I listened to this for basically a year straight after it came out. It’s just ridiculously good.

Something Fierce by Marian Call: This was my on-repeat album in college. i drew a lot of strength from it, and I think that it’s still the best album to recommend to people who ask me about her.

Standing Stones by Marian Call: I heard most of these songs live at concerts before they were quite done yet, so it was really special to get to hear them all collected together like this. I’m going to get a tattoo with a lyric from one of these songs because no one’s quite been able to put my basic philosophy into words quite like Marian.

Heartthrob by Tegan and Sara: Hot Take, I know, because a lot of people hate this album, but it was so affirming to go out and buy A Lesbian Album from A Lesbian Band in 2013.

The Rent movie soundtrack: I know, I KNOW, but in my defense, my parents got me this for my birthday my first year of college and I needed it so desperately. I can definitely still do “La Vie Boheme” from the beginning and probably most of the other songs too.

In the Heights OBCR: I can only listen to this when I want to cry, but it’s my favorite musical. I got to see the show in 2018 and it was incredible. I think it’s better than Hamilton and I can’t wait for the movie to come out.

Trouble by Natalia Kills: this album is really great and also it says fuck a lot, which I used to be very nervous about hearing or saying, and this helped immensely!

[efurutravel]

Translation 2

It’s late but~! It was a three-day weekend in Japan, so I was busy, and then I had left my laptop at work so I couldn’t post anything.

So, yeah. This is another translation I did. It’s about Hafu experience in Japan. I offered to translate this article for a group of people. As I mentioned before, I’m just doing rough/casual translations for now. So I will post them as such. I don’t have a need at the moment to be extra with it. I have left original comments to the group I translated for as well.

Please don’t comment anything about being “Hafu” or something like that in regard to Japan or racial discrimination. There is a lot of misinformation and misconceptions non-Hafu are spreading and erasing Hafu voices. Though, if you are Hafu, please feel free to comment of course! I am also biracial, but not Japanese, so I can relate to a lot of what they experience from my home country, though our worlds are very different at the same time. There are three other stories from this article I will be translating and sharing.  

Of course, any advice or suggestions are welcome to help with my translation choices!

Link to the main article: here

What is “Japanese”: A Reflection of Japanese Society and Racial Discrimination through Hafu’s Eyes.

「日本人」とは何か？「ハーフ」たちの目に映る日本社会と人種差別の実際

By: Lorance Something, A Sociologist Somewhere (sorry y’all)

What comes to mind when you hear the word “hafu”? On TV, you see the so called “hafu talent”, or perhaps several people you know from work or university comes to mind. Though it’s natural, even if I say the word “hafu”, there are many people. From roots, nationality, sex, age, birthplace, many people are bound by the word “hafu”.

「ハーフ」と聞いてどんなイメージを思い浮かべるでしょうか。テレビで見かけるいわゆる「ハーフタレント」たちのイメージ、あるいは学校や職場で知り合った人のイメージが思い浮かぶ人も多いかもしれません。当然ですが、一口に「ハーフ」と言っても様々な人たちがいます。ルーツや国籍、性別、年齢、生まれた場所まで本当に多様な人たちが「ハーフ」という言葉で括られています。

Lorance (they just mention he is a young sociologist and he is of the few sociologists) deepens the research done on the themes of “hafu” and “mixed blood” (you will find this translates to “mixed race” but a Japanese lady once told me it has a bad image with it most times, so I feel “mixed blood” may convey that more so. We commonly say ‘mixed race’ in USA without a negative meaning). Over the course of 6 years, he has gathered and introduced the stories from more than 50 people from places like Ghana, Bolivia, India, and America. I think you can know about the conflict within the knot of the word hafu and what kind of personal experience they have in the everyday life in Japan. 

この記事では「ハーフ」や「混血」といったテーマで研究を深めてきた数少ない研究者である若手社会学者の下地ローレンス吉孝さんに、彼がこれまでの6年間で集めてきた50人以上の聴き取りの中から、ガーナ、ボリビア、インド、アメリカに縁のある4人の言葉を選んで紹介していただきました。「ハーフ」という言葉・括りの中で葛藤してきたかれらが、これまで日本の「日常」の中でどんな体験を通過してきたのか、ぜひ知っていただけたらと思います。

  =============================================================

The Image of Hafu

「ハーフ」のイメージ

Hello. I’m Lorance, a sociologist. My mother was born of my grandfather, who was on a military base, and my grandmother, whose birthplace is Okinawa. I’m what they call “Amerasian” or “quarter.” What type of person comes to mind when you hear “hafu”? Do you picture one who is fluent in English (or a foreign language), has a good appearance, and has a role in ‘global’ activities? I, I only think of one hafu- they can’t speak English, have back pains because of old age, they clean up trash everyday as a landlord… My grandmother.

こんにちは。社会学者の下地ローレンス吉孝と申します。私の母は、米兵であった祖父と沖縄の祖母のもとに生まれました。私はいわゆる「アメラジアン」で、「クオーター」です。皆さんは「ハーフ」と聞いて、どのような人々を思い浮かべるでしょうか。 英語（または外国語）が流暢に話せて、容姿が良く、グローバルに活躍する姿でしょうか。私が思い浮かべる「ハーフ」の一人は、 英語が話せない、歳をとって腰を悪くした、マンションの管理人として毎日ゴミを片付けている、私の母親の姿。

In this article, I will introduce 4 hafu’s stories and episodes. Hafu aren’t the image of the world, but the individual reality of living in Japan. It is good if we can think and discuss together as we read about the reality of Japanese society from their “mundane” everyday lives.

この記事では私が出会った4人の「ハーフ」の方たちの言葉やエピソードを紹介します。「ハーフ」はイメージの世界の人々ではなく、現実の日本社会に生きる一人ひとりです。かれらの“ありふれた”日常生活からみえてくる日本社会の現実について、この記事を読みながら考えたり語り合ったりしてみていただけたら嬉しいです。

Episode 1|Sho-san (maybe)|I can’t show you my foreigners registration card|

Episode 2|Regina-san|Even if you hear about my roots, you’ll say it’s a tan|

Episode 3|Yuanisu-san|Wasn’t Jero the Enka Singer here? (may be wrong. Also this is annoying because this guy is half Indian, half Japanese. Jero is of Black and Jpns decent.)

Episode 4|Cecilia Hisako-san (maybe)| You work at a snack bar or pub, right? (The verb is “to be”, but I read some of her story and a man encountered her and assumed she must be a worker at some bar or something since she is ‘foreign’)

Episode 1｜翔さん｜「きみ、外国人登録証を見せなさい」

Episode 2｜レジーナさん｜ルーツを聞かれても「日サロ」だよって

Episode 3｜ゆうアニースさん｜演歌歌手のジェロっていたじゃないですか…

Episode 4｜セシリア久子さん｜「スナックとかパブにいるんでしょ？

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

|I can’t show you my foreigners registration card|

「きみ、外国人登録証を見せなさい」

Sho-san was born of his Ghanaian father and Japanese mother in Japan. Three months after he was born, they moved (the verb is actually “migrate” AND “immigrate”) to Ghana and he lived there for three years. Around the age of three, Sho-san returned to Japan and has lived in Tokyo ever since.

翔さんは日本でガーナ人の父と日本人の母のもとに生まれた。生後3ヶ月でガーナに移住し、その後3年間はガーナで暮らした。3歳の頃日本に帰国し、それ以降は東京都内で暮らしている。

 What kind of experiences did you have in elementary school?

About three months passed after I entered school where three upper classmen bullied me on 2 instances. From that moment I realized, “of course, I’m going to be made into a big idiot”. That was a bit difficult for me mentally, I guess.

――小学校ではどんな経験があった？

入学してから3ヶ月ぐらい経ったとき、2つ上の上級生3人からいじめを受けてさ。その時から「俺はやっぱりすごいバカにされてるんだな」ってことに気づいて。あれはちょっと精神的につらかったかな

Did they call you names or anything?

Names? It was already pretty crazy. If it was just names, that’s doable, but when it got violent, I understood from that day that I was really being bullied.

After that, I began to dislike school. I would often just go back home on my way to school. My parents also had to take me to school by car at times, too. My parents were worried, so they made me go to this school for students like me who had ADHD. It was just once a week though. Thanks to that school, I was able to change.

It was mostly those younger than me who did the teasing. They called me things like “chocolate” and “baked senbei”. I kind of hated being different from everyone. Kind of like, “you’re the only odd one out”. So, there were days when it was only me. The only around to give advice were the teachers and my parents. I felt like there I didn’t really have friends I could talk with (about being hafu). But, in 8th grade, I got really good at track and field, devoted myself to practicing, and forgot about the bullying. Though I said the school from earlier changed me, track and field changed me, too.

――何か言葉で言われたりとか？

言葉というか、もう暴力という感じだね。言葉だけだったらまだいいけど、暴力になると「俺はやっぱりいじめられてるんだな」っていうのがその日からわかった。

それ以来学校行くのがちょっと嫌になって。登校する途中で自分の家に戻ってきてしまうっていうことがあった。親に車で学校に送ってもらったりしたこともあった。

困った親は、俺みたいにADHD（注意欠陥・多動性障害）をもってる子ども達を対象とした児童学校に行かせたんだよね。週1回だけなんだけど。その学校に行ったおかげで、自分を変えられるきっかけにはなったんだよね。

年下からもからかわれたことはあった。「チョコレート」とか、「焼きせんべい」とか、いろいろ言われてたね。

みんなと違うっていうのがちょっと嫌だったかな。「君だけ仲間はずれ」みたいな。だから一人でいた日もあったし、相談に乗れるのが先生か親しかいなかった。相談に乗ってくれる友達があんまりいなかったって感じで。

でも中2からは部活動（陸上競技）でレベルがだんだん上がってきて、そこからいじめのことは忘れて練習に打ち込むようになって。さっきの児童学校が俺を変えてくれたっていうのもあったけど、陸上も俺を変えてくれたものの1つなんだよね。

The bullying was intense/severe, huh….

Maybe it was also that I had no pride. Though I was bullied, it’s not that I didn’t fight back because I was calm or because I thought “there is no use in fighting back”… (sorry, not too confident about this part). I think I just didn’t have any pride.

I kind of just thought “is this over yet?” Even now I think the same. At work and all. Despite being bullied, I’m used to it. So, I just ignore it like, “oh, yeah… What’s up with that?” I can just think I can completely ignore people who say stuff.

――いじめはきつかっただろうね…。

いじめに対しては自分にプラ���ドがないっていうのもあったかもしれない。いじめられてもやり返さなかったのは、冷静でいたわけでも「やりかえしてはいけない」って意識でいたわけでもなくて。ただ単にプライドがなかっただけなんだと思う。

いじめられても「もういいかな」って感じで。今でもそうなんだけど。仕事でも。いじめられるのに慣れたから「あ、そう。それがどうした？」って流すような感じで無視してる。「言ってる人にはひたすら無視すればいいや」っていうふうに思えた。

Oh, I see. It’s been pretty difficult, huh. What is work like?

When I worked at kaiten sushi, the manager on shift would ask “can you speak English?” each time he came by me. Even customers would ask “Where are you from?” and say things like “Oh, your Japanese is so good!”

I often got stopped by police during the day among other things. They’d say, “Hey you. Show me your foreign registration card”. I thought, “What? I don’t know anything about that.” I would say, “I’m Japanese!” but they still would say, “no. You have to have your foreigners card”. I thought, “wow, they’re persistent.” Just at that time, my mother came by chance. She explained, “He’s Japanese! He doesn’t need a freakin’ foreigners card!” and cleared things up. When it’s just me, they don’t believe me at all. That really worried me. (sorry. Not confident in that either)

――そうか、そこにいくまでは結構つらかっただろうね。仕事での経験はどう？

回転寿司で働いていたときは巡回するマネージャーから「英語喋れるの？」って毎回聞かれたり、店のフロアでもお客様から「きみどこから来たの？」って、そういうのを毎回聞かれてた。「きみ日本語上手だね」っていうのも、1日に1組からは絶対言われてた。

よく昼間に警察に止められたりすることもあって。「きみ、（外国人）登録証見せなさい」って。「は？そんなの知らない」と思ってさ。「日本人ですよ」みたいな感じで言っても「いやいや登録証がないとだめだよ」って。「しつこいな」と。

ちょうどその時母親が偶然通りかかって、「彼日本人なんで登録証必要ありません」って説明したら一発で納得してくれてさ。俺のときは全く納得してくれなかったのに。そういうのには本当に困った。

They just randomly asked about the foreigner’s card?

Yeah. They already judged with their eyes, right? It’s really cruel. If I said I was Ghanaian, I wouldn’t think that. I’ve always lived in Japan, so of course I would think “I am Japanese.”

But, of course, based on appearances, one would think, “uh, something’s a little different though, yeah?”

It starts with the skin color -- “you’re completely different from Japanese people”. There are many others besides that. If you put it simply, I look foreign based on appearances. But if you look inside and at my soul, I’m Japanese. I think in this way.

Because I was able to change completely, I am who I am today. I had some bullying in my childhood and dealings with ADHD though. I met many people, learned many things, and improved myself. Even if you’re not hafu, even human, you should challenge everything. I hope our future selves can laugh.

――いきなり「登録証見せて」って言われるんだ。

うん。もう見た目でしか判断してないよね。本当あれは酷かった。自分が「ガーナ人」なのかなって言ったらそうとは思わない。むしろずっと暮らしてるのは日本だからやっぱり「自分は日本人だ」という認識の方が強い。

だけれど、やっぱり見た目で言ったら周りから「ちょっと違うのかな？」って思われてしまう時がある。「日本人とはまったく違う」っていうのが肌の色から始まるんだけど。それ以外のいろんな面でも。簡単に言っちゃうと、見た目は外人と思われるけど、中身とか魂は日本人だみたいな。そういう風に思ってる。

やっぱり自分を変えてくれるきっかけがあったから、今の自分があるってわけで。小さい頃のいじめだとか、自分が抱えてたADHDのこととかもあったんだけど。いろんな人に出会ったり、いろんなものを学んだりして、改善して、今の自分があるっていう感じかなとは思ってる。ハーフじゃなくても人間何でも挑戦すべき。未来の自分が笑ってられるように。

*Under pic*

Sho-san works as a social worker. His co-workers are very kind. Sho-san said, “it’s a good work environment” with a bright facial expression (Japanese is so oddly detailed at times, like wut. I guess I could have said with a smile…). However, there is always the reality of being seen as a “foreigner” by the glancing eyes whenever he goes out. As well as the frequent stops by police demanding for a foreigner’s card.

翔さんは現在福祉関係の仕事で働いている。仕事場の同僚は非常に優しく、翔さんは「働きやすい環境だ」と明るい表情で説明してくれた。しかし、一歩外に出れば、彼を「外国人」として眼差す視線が日々待ち構えているという現実がある。警察による路上での外国人登録証の提示要求はその典型とも言える。

[poutyyybangtan]

untitled - park jinyoung

genre: angst, fluff character pairing: park jinyoung (got7) x poc female reader warnings: it might be triggering to some because of the mention of abuse and hatred towards poc so proceed with caution a/n: i haven’t been able to think of new things to write for my stories but this little drabble/scenario has been playing in my head so i had to write it. enjoy!

chapter synopsis

“if you don’t trust me, why be with me?”

someone once told you that it wouldn’t be easy dating an idol. much less a korean idol.

it didn’t help that you, yourself, weren’t korean. sure, you had a little extra color in your skin more than most you seen when you walked down the streets of seoul. and sure your eyes were bigger and more rounder than everyone else’s. but besides physical stuff, you weren’t much different than anyone else. you bled the same color. you laughed at the same jokes. you understood the same language as everyone else. and you cried when your feelings were severely hurt. 

you weren’t one to cry if someone heckled you once or twice. but if it became an everyday thing to the point where it effected your life, you were sure to break down. this was the second time you were sent home from work due to a customer who had complained to your boss about the color of your skin. your boss really didn’t want to fire you over something as trivial as skin and race, but you were really considering just quitting and moving back to the states. 

the only thing tying you to korea is your long time boyfriend, jinyoung. 

you and jinyoung had been together for five years (more like two), a bit on and off because of his career, but you would like to consider it five years. you were there when he joined jyp. you were ecstatic when he told you he was going to be in a duo group with someone else from the company. but the celebration was short lived when he also told you that you two had to break up because of the dating ban. 

you could admit you were broken up about it, but jinyoung promised you that once the ban was lifted, you two could continue with the way you used to be. you couldn’t help but smile at that. was he really willing to wait so long to be with you? 

and he was. he kept his word. once the managers informed them that the ban had been lifted, he called you to meet him at the building where he serenaded you and fed you your favorite pizza. 

thinking back to all the hard work jinyoung went through to keep his promise, you felt it necessary to deal with all the hate that you were receiving from the crowd. it wasn’t all necessarily his fans (i mean there were a few fans online, but what are online words worth anyways?), it was the rest of the country who seemed to have an issue with a person of color dating a korean. 

why you? why couldn’t people just accept biracial relationships? it’s the 21st century??

your thoughts carried you away to the point where you didn’t realize you had gotten home already. you frowned as you made your way to the elevator of your apartment building, dragging your feet to the elevator. you pressed the p button and leaned against the wall opposite the elevator doors. you were so absorbed in your self wallowing that you didn’t notice a body next to yours. 

“long day?” the voice speaks, breaking you out of your trance. you peered to your left and seen your handsome boyfriend offering his signature warm smile.

“the longest,” you scoff.

“you’re home early,” he comments.

“it’s not like you would know when i’m off,” you scoff, feeling a tad bit annoyed. jinyoung was always busy with dance practice and promotions that you never really had the time to tell him what was wrong with you or what you were dealing with. you know, deep down, that it isn’t jinyoung’s fault. it was your own.

“woah, hey. what’s with the temper?” jinyoung chuckles. is he laughing at me?, you thought. your rational side was on mute, as your bitter and angry side warmed your body quickly. 

“don’t worry. it’s not like you’d remember anyways, since you’re so busy with practice,” you scoff. the elevator dinged and the metal doors slid open and you walked away from him and stepped inside, pressing the floor level button and leaning against the wall facing where you were. jinyoung watched with bewilderment at your random burst of anger. it was very unlikely you. 

you were very understanding of jinyoung’s career, and you never once complained about it. well, at least not to him. jinyoung started to wonder if there were feelings you were witholding from him and he started to feel bad. have you been hurting all this time, just by being with him?

jinyoung wasn’t oblivious to the harsh words that were sent your guys’ way. he was being belittled himself for dating a non-korean. hell, even his parents were a bit put off by the relationship. but that didn’t stop him. he believed, deep down, that your guys’ love was stronger than any hate sent your way. but maybe he was wrong.

you two said nothing as you both walked towards your apartment. you unlocked the door and said nothing to jinyoung as you slid your shoes off and headed into the kitchen to grab something to drink.

jinyoung followed you like a lost puppy, and you were starting to let all the childish and petty thoughts slip into your head a fuel your anger even further. 

“are we going to talk about what just happened,” jinyoung finally said. you scoffed and turned to face him, your face warm with anger and a bitter smile on your lips.

“talk about what jinyoung? about the fact that this is the second time my job had to send me home for my own safety? or about the bandage i have wrapped around my upper arm because of the broken bottle someone threw at me? or how about the fact that i lied to you while you were in japan and said i was on vacation when really, i was in recovery because someone had jumped me outside of work and nearly beat me to death,” you snapped. 

you did it. you broke. you snapped. you told him the truth. 

you hadn’t meant to. all you said was supposed to be a secret because you knew jinyoung. you knew what was going to happen. and you knew what you had to do to stop it.

“maybe we should break up,” you murmur defeatedly. 

“wh-what?” jinyoung stammers. you finally looked up at him and you wish you hadn’t. his mouth was slightly parted, disbelief and shock written on his features. his eyes were glossy and partly red as he tried to understand what you had said to him. 

“why hadn’t you told me? i could’ve done something, anything!” jinyoung whimpers.

“oh, like what? security? making me tag along with you like a child? please, i might as well just stand outside with a sign that says ‘beat me, i’m not korean’,” you scoff. 

“what, you think i can’t protect you?” jinyoung asks incredulously. 

“is that what you get from all this? me questioning your masculinity?” you ask. 

“no, that’s not what i meant. it’s just that--”

“what? jinyoung, there’s nothing you can do! don’t you get that? people will be mean and that’s just life. the only thing left for us to do is break up,” you sigh. 

“dammit, there’s no way i’m letting that happen. don’t you love me? don’t you trust me?” jinyoung asks sadly. you said nothing.

you did love him. you did trust him. you wanted to be with him. but you couldn’t. 

for the safety of yourself and him, it was best to just not be. you couldn’t be friends. you loved him too much to be just friends and you knew that you don’t have that much self-control to maintain a friendship with the man you loved. you had to let him go. 

jinyoung scoffs before he slowly starts to back away from you, “You don’t trust me?”

silence was your best weapon right now. you knew that the moment you opened your mouth and spoke, your voice would break and he would know the truth. you looked away from him and down at the counter in front of you.

“if you don’t trust me, then why be with me?” he asks, his voice breaking.

“then maybe we shouldn’t be together,” you finally said, your voice hollow and empty. jinyoung shut his eyes and inhaled deeply.

“you don’t mean it,” he says. your leg bounced quickly in its spot and you looked up at him.

“you’re right. i don’t. but we shouldn’t be together. all this... pain. this hurt. i know you get it too, but, jinyoung, why are we forcing ourselves to live through this abuse? i love you. so fucking much that it’s literally aching my heart to be hurting you this way. but we need to stop before one of us seriously gets hurt,” you cry out, your voice betraying you. jinyoung ran up to you and pulled you into his chest, holding you tightly against him. you could feel the racing of his heart against your own chest. and you cried. you sobbed so hard that you were sure your throat was going to be raw by morning.

“please don’t do this. we can fix this,” jinyoung cries out. you held him tightly, unsure of what to do now. you wanted to be with him. g o d you wanted to be with him. but you seriously couldn’t handle another hospital visit anymore. 

“how. how can we fix the broken world we live in?” you ask weakly.

“by being the change,” jinyoung whimpers. 

and that was it. he was pushing to want to be with you and who were you to deny his efforts. you loved the man so much that you were willing to deal with the beating you took. to deal with the harsh words of outsiders.

but the outsider didn’t understand the love you held for one another. and would they ever? more than likely not, but you didn’t care. 

the overwhelming concern for his safety was still present and you wanted jinyoung to know this.

“jinyoung, i--”

“you’re scared for my safety. i know. and i’m scared for yours. but we can fix this. we can change this. please. baby, please let me help you. you can’t keep shit like you being hospitalized a secret from me. just.. don’t give up. not now,” he pleaded. 

despite the large part of your mind screaming for you to say no. to not cave in.

but then you think about the late night calls. the promise jinyoung kept when he said you two could be together. how hard he worked to stay on the right path to get the ‘ok’ to finally be with you. how he had to cave in to their every demand with the crazy dieting and weightloss, the late night practices, the long hours spent in the studio, the constant flying and being away from home. it wasn’t easy on him and it still isn’t. you knew his parents and how unaccepting they were of you two. but you knew that he was willing to fight for the two of you.

so who were you to not try as hard?

“okay baby. if you believe in us, if you really, truly believe in us, than okay. let’s fix the world together,” you finally respond. you could literally feel the weight of all this lift from his shoulders as he relaxed into you.

“it’s you and me, baby. let’s change the world together.”

[writersblock222]

The world is a mess, and I guess it has always been, but now it’s particularly messy. 2020 has become a year of uncomfortable clarity, and it’s unsettling to many of us, because never before have we been forced to really see what’s really happening in the world. We’re not distracted like we’ve always been. We’re not at our jobs where we spend majority of our lives, and struggle to hardly get by everyday, our sports were taken away, movies, tv shows, so we’re just forced to see the world. Not only are we forced to see the world, but we’re forced to see ourselves, and what a lot of us see, we don’t like. I notice celebrity worship culture is slowly dying out, because we now see them for who they truly are, and honestly, it’s not much, just puppets that make more than us, pushing an agenda of false idol worship, and seeking frivolous shit. Don’t get me wrong, I too like things, but I know, big picture, it’s frivolous. We’re in a middle of a pandemic, and a lot of people are living with the uncomfortable truth, that whether republican or Democrat, the government doesn’t care about us. They’re leveraging the suffering of an entire country of people for political gain. We were given a one time stimulus check, extra unemployment money, but continued to exploit essential workers, and give them nothing for it. So what it causes it resentment amongst those essential workers towards the unemployed, but again it’s another way poor people fight amongst ourselves. We fight for scraps, while the big picture goes unnoticed. However, what the extra money has shown, it is very much possible for people to have a livable wage, and you shouldn’t have to kill yourself to do so. Back to the fact that the world is suffering, and rising up all over, but can’t help to feel like it’s just social engineering happening. The pain, anger, and frustration black and brown people feel is being used against us. It’s gotten to the point that each time I see a black person is murdered, and yes i deliberately said person, because black women are murdered as well. Every time a black person is murdered, it’s broadcasted as a message, whether we realize it or not, but is it not odd how clear the footage is, and how blatant the murdering of black and brown bodies is? I feel our emotions are being used against us to get outraged, and for us to get out there and protest, so we can be met with hostility, and justified executions on site. This year feels like the year of dead black and brown bodies. We have a pandemic killing poor black and brown people predominately, police murdering us, and then we’re killing each other. I honestly wish that at some point we’d get it, and realize we should stop hating ourselves, and unite. As a black person, you’re born into trauma, you’re born into a lifetime subscription of bullshit. You’re born into pain, you’re born into frustration, you carry the burden of generational suffering. Why the fuck, can’t we have a mutual understanding, and respect amongst each other. We have it hard enough. I’ve noticed the fighting and separation amongst black men and women. I get why black women feel the way they do about us, because truthfully we don’t have their back nearly enough as they have ours. We die, they march, but we still cape for Becky, who doesn’t need us to save her, because she said nigga, but she’s not racist. I genuinely hate the fact that so many black men are ok with being a fetish, and nothing more. I think it’s why I’ve always rejected white women. I’ve always hated the pedestal we put them on, because truthfully we take the bottom of the barrel of every race. We walk proudly with their garbage, but shit on black women, and it puts the battery in a lot of these chick’s back. Personally, when I see black women down black men, I feel a way, because I know me, but then I realize it’s not about me, that’s not my truth. What I will say a lot of times black women have a tendency to look for a certain black man, and in most cases I’m not that black man, but for me, it’ll never be a reason for me to disrespect them. I come from a black woman, therefore it is part of who I am. It doesn’t even need to be a personal thing of my mom is black who I love dearly, my cousins are black women, whom I love dearly, my aunts are black; I’m black first and foremost so like I mentioned earlier there should be that sense of camaraderie. A black woman raised me to be the man I am, and I take pride in that, and I would never disrespect her by tearing down black women. It’s actually interesting to see where I’ve come in my journey to having pride in my blackness. If I’m being totally honest, I wasn’t always a proud black man. I often felt rejected by my own people, and to this day I feel that way, but today I still stand boldly, firmly, and proudly in my blackness. Growing up a black kid in the Bronx, not being a street kid, listening to rock, not sounding black, which always infuriated me. It can feel ostracizing, but I always knew I could not and would not ever be white, nor did I ever want to be. However, it left me in a weird confused state, where I’m black, but not black enough, but to the outside world I’m still a nigga. Imagine feeling like that, and I’m not even biracial, so in a way I get the confusion that biracial kids feel. I say all that to say, we’ve come along way, but still have so much further to go. Also, I’m super appreciative of the people that just allow me to be myself, which again is another journey. The journey to loving and embracing who I am fully. That’s for another time. I guess I write all this to say 2020 has been a lot, with a lot of untimely deaths, loss jobs, lost wages, lost sense of reality in many cases. We need to each other, now more than ever, so see through the bullshit we’ve always been spoon fed.

[knightofbalance-13]

Actually...

http://dudeblade.tumblr.com/post/165589953048/lets-be-real-and-agree-on-something

No we are not agreeing to this.

RVVBY is an amalgam of multiple tropes, cliches, and concepts from other media that did it much better.

As we will soon see: The examples are either way too general, RWBY does too differently for a comparison or RWBY actually does it BETTER.

Faunus as a stand-in for minorities. X-Men did it first, did it better, and has better justification for it. Some mutants are dangerous, and have abilities that could level a building with little effort. The Brotherhood of Evil Mutants are just a separate branch of mutants that humans use to justify their discrimination, and sentinels are extermination bots. There’s literally “Mutant Camps” In the Days of Future Past movie that are analogous to concentration camps. Whilst being a mutant has since evolved into an analogy for being part of the LGBT+ community, it started as an allegory for racism. And it was much MUCH better at it. Last I checked, Inhumans are now the new racism allegory, and even then, they’re still a better analogy than faunus. The reason why both of these are all more effective is because they don’t replace all racial minorities by being their stand-in. There are African Mutant (Storm), Native American Mutants (Moonstar), and even biracial Mutants (Darwin). So, Mutants are a multi-cultural fictional race that acts as a stand-in for a minority group in the Marvel Universe. See, this is what happens when you have good writers who are open to criticism.

Except the racism is UNDERSTANDABLE in X-Men since mutants ARE more dangerous than humans and some of the (like Rogue) can’t control their powers and thus are a danger no matter how you slice it whereas the Fanaus aren’t any dangerous than humans because they don’t significant enough advantages to overcome the human dominance so it’s just like racism here in our world: Stupid and irrational. So you’re basically saying it’s more rational to hate an innocent group of animal people that people who can control the weather, kill on touch or mindfuck everyone. COngrats, you have shown you have a bias against RWBY so your opinions mean jack shit.

Final Fantasy did the idea of dust better. It was called Materia, and it had a better explanation as to how it’s applied. Much like dust, it’s mined. Unlike dust, it’s explicitly stated to be magical in nature rather than the vague explanation we got for dust. dust is also weird in the sense that it’s kinda elemental. Materia also has a simpler categorization by just giving it five subcategories. Dust has to be classified under fire, ice, gravity, electric, stone, whatever Yang’s standard buckshots are, and so much more. It’s starting to get to the point that I wouldn’t be surprised if they started to be more direct in their rip-off and make Summon Dust. And it’s hard to even argue this because Monty Oum (God Rest His Soul) is a Final Fantasy fanboy (See: Dead Fantasy), so there’s no doubt that there would be some FF references every now and then. But the idea of Dust is too similar to be a coincidence. Even the claim of how similar the show is to Advent Children is rather hard to see any other way. Advent Children had very little plot to it, but had spectacular action scenes - sound familiar?

Yeah, of course it’s a rip off here! ...And in Storm Hawks...and Kingdom Hearts...And Pokémon-

Almost like this is a COMMON TROPE. Can’t really call it a rip off when everyone is doing it. Almost like you don’t know how tropes work.  Also, you don’t mention how Final Fantasy does it better: you just say they do. Probably because FInal Fanatsy=Not RWBy ergo better.

Legend of Korra did the whole “Girl Power” thing better. Considering that they also managed to portray PTSD in a much more realistic way, and didn’t romanticize it like RVVBY did. Korra had hallucinations, was clearly sleep-deprived, and struggled to keep up with even a few non-benders because of the trauma. Sure, LoK had its own issues (Like trying to keep up with its predecessor), but it still managed to hold its own. What does RVVBY do? - only ONE on-screen nightmare, and only ONE on-screen panic attack. The worst part is that we didn’t even NEED it to be on-screen. Just show Yang not wanting to sleep, or her waking up from nightmares. Even offhandedly mentioning that she’s having nightmares would have been better than nothing. But we get that nothing. Because making Yang get back to doing badass fighting moves is more important than giving her a good recovery arc.

OH Ho ho ho ho!

This is a fucking GOLD MINE!

A. RWBY was never touted as a Girl Power show: It just had female protagonists. Men were just as capable as women and it was clear from the first episode so this comparison doesn’t even count.

B. Oh korra. The one with a protagonist who was one trait away from being a full blown Mary Sue who disobeyed orders, stole food, caused property damaged, nearly committed murder, committed police assault and resisting arrest who gets off t6eh hook and is treated as in the right for doing all that. And that’s just the first episode, shall I go on to explain how Korra essentially harassed a guy and acting like an obsessive stalker despite him saying that he has a girlfriend and then kisses him despite this, hurting his innocent brother and gets rewarded for it, or how Korra barely practices Air bending (the ONE element she doesn’t aut know) but can magically airbend without using airbending techniques and having her bending TAKEN AWAY. Or how about Korra flipping outa t Mako, May Lin trying to arrest Tenzien’s wife and wrecking Airbending Island for getting dumped and that one Psycho girlfriend Waterbender is all treated as humerous and okay? Or that Asami was just basically eye candy in the first and second seasons? Or how the one main female villain seen as redeemable is the one who refused orders, forcibly recruited people, took advantage of the spirits, tried to kill her fiancé, sent people who didn’t agree with her to “reprogramming” camps, threatens the lives of her subordinates and tried to kill an entire city. It wasn't Amon who was implied to have severe hatred against benders due to his dad’s abuse. It couldn’t even be the fucking Red Lotus, the most human villians in the Avatar franchise since ZUKO: It was the female earthbender whose actions numerous times mirrored fucking Hitler.

Bottom Line: Even without TRYING to be a Girl Power show, RWBY is a BETTER Girl Power show than Korra.

C. The PTSD arc is the ONE thing Korra has above RWBY and it SHOULD be better because Korra has more time, more experience, more money, more people and in a medium that is more forgiving than RWBY’s. And even then, it’s BARELY better in terms of actual writing because it tries portraying Korra’s PTSD as an outside force, uses her Avatar State self as the representation when it makes no sense, she gets over it by herself despite her lesson being not to lock other people out, it came back with no indication, uses Zaheer out of nowhere and brings up smaller events that never eluded to extend the arc. It could have been fixed so easily by just having an imaginary Zaheer attacking her with kora being hesitant of airbending. I fucking fixed and I’m an inexperienced fanfic writer. All RWBY needs to do to be better is acknowledge it again: Something VERY likely due to RT’s history.

So far: We have one example that is out right wrong, one example that is too broad to do anything and doesn’t show jack shit and one example that is so wrong it helps ME absolutely.

SO what’s next?

And since it probably wouldn’t be me if I didn’t include this, here’s the one that some people are probably waiting for:

So you’re outright acknowledging bias against RWBY and for Storm Hawks because Nostalgia huh? Fine, I’ll cut you down HERE too.

Storm Hawks did the small amount of habitable land that needs to be protected by various teams of heroes first and better. Energy attacks have better justification for their appearance, and the fact that both Crystals and Dust are both gemstones with elemental properties that need to be mined and are integral to powering weapons and vehicles. Both shows have amazing transforming weapons, teams made up of various people with different skills, and incredible action scenes. They even had a spectacular superpower that manifested in one of their main characters after they were put in a tough situation. See my chart below for more detail.

Sky Knights : Huntsmen/Huntresses

Crystals : Dust

Squadrons : Huntsman Teams.

Atmos : Remnant

Talons/Raptors/Murk Raiders/Beasts : Grimm/WF

The Binding : Silver Eyes

... (points to the Final Fantasy point above)

So it’s perfectly okay for Storm Hawks to “rip off” Final Fanatsy but RWBY is bad for doing it?

Because these are all elements from Final Fantasy.

Not to mention since you DON’T explain why Storm Hawks does it better, all I have to do is point to the fact that Storm Hawks is canceled early and RWBY is a worldwide phenomon. Storm Hawks is at 7.2  whereas RWBY is at 8.3 , Storm Hawks had more time, more experience, more money, more people and the backing of Cartoon Network where RWBY doesn’t.

Dudeblade, this is why you go unnoticed by the writers, why all of you in RWDE tag go unnoticed: you do ANYTHING to tear down the show, whether or not it’s true. That and you suck so bad, I can do a better job than you.

Here, let me:

Harry Potter does the “school for special people” better because the school stays in focus for most of the show where we grow more and more attached to the setting and characters there and since the enemy is gradually shown more and more: he gain slightly more and more fear in a very smooth and natural way. And since the books take time with the enemies, we can keep track of the numerous characters easily. All unlike RWBy

Kill La Kill does the Girl Power aspect of the show better as the main cast is female, the show is driven by females and each character has their own unique set of strengths and weakness along with flaws they must overcome and deal with. It also tackles the idea of women being objectified and encourages women to take pride in who and what they are, ignoring how society sees them and think ofr themselves. Again, unlike RWBY would be.

Dragon Ball does the “Writing by the seat of your pants” style better than RWBY because Akira Toriyama was used to writing tis way and thus had more experience and even had a talent for writing this way which also made the series more suspenseful. Once more, unlike the CRWBY.

When I can do your job better and in less time: Might want to rethink what you are doing.

[thesaltydigest]

REVIEW: "The Gentleman's Guide to Vice and Virtue", or: Fetch me a couch, for I nearly swoon!

Title: The Gentleman's Guide to Vice and Virtue

Author: Mackenzi Lee

Review by: Captain Clo

Verdict: adventures of a bisexual scoundrel unable to keep his mouth shut and pathetically in love with his biracial male best friend. I had the time of my life, would totally recommend, go read it right now! 5 stars

Trigger warning for: homophobia, slight racism, parental abuse

Sometimes you just need an adventurous, fun and queer book in your life. The Gentleman's Guide to Vice and Virtue definitely fits the bill. It can look daunting with its 500 pages, but they fly by like nobody's business. An apt summary of its plot would look more or less like this:

Dramatic escapes through Europe! Highwaymen! Pirates! Alchemy! The mysteries of Venice!

And last but not least, best friends hopelessly pining for each other.

I think the official summary of the book actually sells the book short – it's so much more than just "two friends of noble station – and a little sister – go on a Grand Tour through Europe". It's actually two friends and one sister go on a Grand Tour, the dummy of the trio enrages the Prime Minister of France, then proceeds to steal something of said Minister out of pettiness, dashes out of Versailles stark naked, and then discovers what he stole isn't just a trinket, but the key to an alchemical secret. Slightly spoilerish? I guess, but it's so much more interesting put that way.

When you read "Grand Tour" maybe you think of Mary Shelley, Percy (coincidence??) Bisshe Shelley and Lord Byron going on their disastrous romp through Europe... and  A Gentleman's Guide to Vice and Virtue is definitely not that. Unless you think of Mary Shelley as a bitter teenager snarking in disgust at her stupid male companions, and of Lord Byron as a pathetic mess trying too hard to look like a hedonist Casanova, and... well actually that kind of works, but Percy Shelley definitely wasn't a biracial violinist... with a crush on Lord Byr--- I mean, Monty... I mean I'm no expert but reliable sources told me that he was an ass! And a jerk! Percy doesn't deserve that, he's an angel.

Enter the protagonist: Henry Montague, aka Monty. He's a hot mess. A rogue, a scoundrel, a ladykiller, an unrepentant bisexual, with the good looks and the charm to get anyone he wants in his bed. Alas, he's hopelessly in love with his best friend, Percy, who is exactly the kind of level-headed, serious person who's just perfect to rein Monty in. Monty is witty, superficial and a pleasure-seeker, refusing to take anything seriously, and especially anything his father wants him to do – like being a respectable lord, studying with profit at Eton, or running a family estate, for example. Monty loathes the very idea, so what better course of action than doing every single thing his father would disapprove of?

Enter Felicity, Monty's little sister. Wicked smart and with a cutting tongue to match, she's the opposite of Monty in every way. She looks forward to the museum trips, to the scientific lectures, to the operas and the landscapes. Too bad she's a woman, and so she's not invited. Felicity loathes it, and she also loathes how Monty is so obviously unwilling to take advantage of his privilege in every way it's denied her. Felicity wants to study and to become a doctor, and she would welcome the offer to learn how to run the estates. Instead, soon she'll be shipped off to a school of good manners for young ladies, where at most she'll learn to curtsy.

Enter Percy, Monty's best friend and crush. He's the biracial son of an English member of the gentry, grudgingly accepted into the family when his father dies. He has all the things Monty doesn't have – and that he's in love with: sensitivity, artistic sense (he's a violinist and, as Monty himself notes with delight, the kind of person who loves Italian opera and can recognize an aria by its first verse), and height.

What I found most interesting about Percy is that he is actually what moves the plot along. At first, the book looks like it'll be about a hedonistic journey through Europe; but a revelation about Percy spins it in an entirely different direction – one that also challenges Monty to overcome his selfish tendencies.

I am dying to tell you what Percy's deal is because damn, I was delighted and surprised, but I can't take that away from you. Just know that it was very satisfying to see how his main problem wasn't directly linked to his race, although he does get shit for it sometimes. His relationship with Monty is the sweetest thing, but it doesn't lack thorns (read: drama), mostly because Monty is pretty clueless and it often borders on insensitive. For example, Monty always defends Percy when someone is a racist ass to him (yay!) but he doesn't see why Percy doesn't just say something witty and rude to every lord who insults him (less yay) and thinks there's really no problem, Percy is just a little darker than most, so? Which, bless him, is a very simple thing to think, and definitely not the truth. But he's also so pathetically sorry when Percy snaps at him for it, I can't really hate him.

"I could say something to your uncle."

"No."

"Why not? If he won't listen to you-"

"I know you think you're being helpful when you say things like that, and when you defend me, and I appreciate it, I really do, but please, don't. I don't need you to stand up for me – I can do that."

"But you don't-"

"You're right, sometimes I don't, because I'm not the light-skinned son of an earl so I haven't the luxury of talking back to everyone who speaks ill of me. But I don't need you to rescue me."

"I'm sorry." It comes out soft and meek, like the bleat of a lamb.

I made a very undignified noise when I first read this. Actually I just did it again.

I found the book wonderful in how it blends serious moments, scenes that tugs at the reader's heartstrings, and witty banter. On the serious side, Monty is an alcoholic, suffers from panic attacks, and although he flaunts a charming and flippant persona, he's actually consumed by self-loathing and an atavistic fear of his father. At first, it can look like Monty self-sabotaged or defied his father by getting himself kicked out of Eton, but then we learn the truth: he was kicked out because of his relationship with another boy. His relationship with Felicity is a frustrating affair where both give the worst of themselves. Monty, as mentioned, is incapable of seeing how privileged he is and how much Felicity is put down in her ambitions just because she's a woman; but Felicity has absorbed a lot of how their father treats Monty, it's hard to see her treating him like he's worthless and stupid. Every time it seems like they might get along, one or both of them revert back to old patterns, and you're just there wishing you could smack their heads together and tell them, Now love each other properly!

Then there are the moments when Monty remembers he's in love with Percy, and has the gall to get all mushy and pathetically in love like this:

"[Percy] reaches out, almost as though he can't help himself, and puts his thumb to my jawline. The tips of his fingers brush the hollow of my throat, and I feel the touch so deep I half expect that when he moves, I'll be left with an imprint there, as though I am a thing fashioned from clay in a potter's hand."

And then there's the witty banter. Everywhere. Witty banter for days. Oscar Wilde would be proud, and I'm so so happy. There's witty banter to seduce:

"She smiles, then flicks open the ivory fan hanging from her wrist and begins to work it up and down. The breeze flutters the single ringlet trailing down the back of that neck of hers that swans would envy. I have been mentally patting myself on the head for keeping my eyes on her face the whole time we've been speaking, but then the bastards betray me suddenly and dive straight down the front of her dress.

I think for a moment she may not have noticed, but then her mouth twists up and I know she's seen. But instead of slapping me or calling me a boor and storming off, she says, "My lord, would you like to see..." Telling pause. Eyelash flutter. "More or Versailles?"

"You know, I believe that I would. Though I'm short a guide."

"Perhaps you'll allow me."

"But this party seemed to be just picking up speed. I'd hate to drag you away."

"Life is filled with sacrifices."

"Am I a sacrifice?"

"One I'm happy to make."

Witty banter when Monty shows how much of a dunce he is, and how much he cannot spy on people properly:

"Helena stopped awfully short when she realized I was listening."

"Well, you were being rude."

"I wasn't being rude!"

"You were eavesdropping."

"No eaves were dropped, I was just standing about. It's their fault they weren't speaking softer."

There's witty banter almost every time he utters a word with Percy. Or utters a word, period.

"How is it that we've landed the only bear-leader for hire who's entirely opposed to the true purpose of the Tour?"

"Which is... remind me."

"Strong spirits and loose women."

"Sounds instead like it's going to be weak wine with dinner and handling yourself in your bedroom after."

"No shame in that. If the Good Lord didn't want men to play with themselves, we'd have hooks for hands. [...] Hold on, are you keen on all this cultural thing?"

"I'm not... not keen." And then he gives me a smile that I think is supposed to be apologetic but instead looks very, very keen.

"No, no, no, you have to be on my side about this! Lockwood is tyranny and oppression and all that! Don't be seduced away by his promises of poetry and symphonies and – Dear Lord, am I to be subjected to music for the entirety of out Tour?"

"Absolutely you will. And the only thing you will hate more than listening to Lockwood's selected music will be listening to me talk about said music. Sometimes I'll walk to Lockwood about music and you will hate it. You're going to have to listen to me and Lockwood using words like atonal and chromatic scale and cadenza."

"Et tu?"

Honestly, what are you even waiting for. Go buy it right now!

[whowouldhavethoughts]

BuzzFeed’s Scaachi Koul Talks Humor, Canadian vs. American Politics & Why Twitter Isn’t Necessary

Photo Courtesy: Picador USA

I took Scaachi Koul’s collection of essays, One Day We’ll All Be Dead and None of This Will Matter, with me to Las Vegas during my bachelorette party a few months ago. I knew that Koul was extremely funny and thought the book would provide some light reading while poolside at a cabana. 

Koul’s opening essay came out of the gate hot, and I could not put the book down. 

Her writing is extremely honest and open, and for me it was relatable. When she talked about being the only brown girl around her white classmates in Canada, I was transported back to my entire childhood existence feeling that same isolation. Her essay about a mortifying mishap in a Toronto dressing room had me simultaneously laughing while also cringing in sympathy. Each chapter plays out like a scene from a TV show, so it’s no surprise that recently Koul announced her essays will be turned into a scripted series by First Generation Films.

Koul also works as a senior writer for BuzzFeed and wrote a brilliant piece called “A User’s Guide to My Stupid Name” that should be required reading for anyone with a “culturally different” (aka foreign) name (I’ve lost track of how many times my name has been mispronounced in my life). 

A few weeks ago, I chatted with Scaachi over the phone about her debut collection of essays, why Americans shouldn’t threaten to move to Canada after an election year and whether or not you need to be on Twitter to get hired. 

The following interview has been edited for clarity and length. 

Photo Courtesy: Barbora Simkova

Ngozi: What was it like writing this collection of essays and then seeing it come to completion and being published? 

Scaachi: I mean, it’s weird. It feels like an out of body experience, but I feel some detachment to it at this point. It’s been a few months, but I’m happy with the result. I feel like people really like it, so that’s always good. 

What has touring been like? What’s been the response you’ve gotten after talking to people who have read [O.D.W.A.B.D.A.N.O.T.W.M]? 

Scaachi: I don’t mind touring. I find it kind of taxing because I don’t like traveling. It’s tricky especially if you don’t like being on a plane and then being on a lot of planes is not exactly an ideal situation. It’s been nice to go to different cities and talk to different people and hear about different perspectives outside of Canada and in the States. It’s been fun. 

You’ve talked about just how personal you were able to get with this book, and you even open with an essay on anxiety. You talk about a lot of serious things. Did you ever feel like there was a sense of ‘Someone’s reading my journal without my permission’? Did writing these essays ever feel like that to you?

Scaachi: I guess so, but I don’t experience shame that often so it doesn’t really bother me. I think my general policy is if you write a personal essay and it feels too raw, then maybe it’s just not the time to write it. I have lots of stories like that where they just don’t feel ready and maybe they don’t feel funny and it’s not comfortable to get them up yet, and those are stories that I don’t [put out].

Humor is a big part of all of your work – not just in these essays but also in your work for BuzzFeed. Where does your humor come from and did it almost feel like it was developed as a defense mechanism over the years? I know for me, that’s how I developed mine. Do you think it’s your most powerful trait?

Scaachi: I feel like I was born with it. It’s certainly something I’ve honed, but I think it’s something I had at first. I think a lot about being funny is just sort of inherent – you either kind of have it when you were born or you don’t, and then from there you decide how important it is and how much you’re going to use it. I think it’s pretty clear for me in the book that I get a lot of my sense of humor from my dad because he’s insane. I think I realized pretty early on that being funny creates a social capital for yourself, but at 10-years-old if I could have traded being funny for being popular, I probably would have. But it was sort of like a thing that I had, so that’s what I used. 

In this book, you use your humor and you’re funny, and then you cut to something that’s more serious or sad. 

Scaachi: Well I do think that with the book, I can’t give you ten essays about the inescapable tragedy of human existence and not give you a joke. So there is something to be said about luring the audience in to talk about something that’s kind of serious and weighty, but I don’t feel like it’s disingenuous. I think the book is presented the way I would present myself in any social situation. 

In your book, the essays that really resonated with me focused on race and identity and seeing oneself as a first-generation adult. In your essay, “Fair & Lovely,” you talked about pushing away your brownness for a long time, and I think most of us experience that feeling of otherness and go through that period of time. Was writing that essay cathartic, in a sense, knowing where you are now with your identity and how you see yourself? 

Scaachi: Yeah, I mean sure. [All the essays] are kind of cathartic. 

What was the process like writing that particular essay? 

Scaachi: I mean I feel like it came quite naturally, so I don’t know if I’ve got a clean answer for how cathartic it felt because I feel like I came back from that wedding and just sort of had that in my head. Everything just kind of came together. That was the fourth or fifth trip I’d made to India in my life, and so I had all of these old memories, and I didn’t really know what to make of them. That was the first trip I’d made to India as an adult, and it was the first time we’d gone with my niece [Raisin] who’s biracial. I’d never had that point of reference, so I think it just kind of came together quite simply. I wasn’t really ruminating on it for very long because I think while I was there it was like, ‘Oh okay. Now I understand,’ and so all these pieces that were sort of missing came together simply. 

You’ve talked about growing up Indian-Canadian, and you’ve mentioned how sometimes Americans think there are no racial issues [in Canada] and that it’s this “mythical” land. How do you explain to people here in the States why that isn’t true? I’m also curious because so many people here after an election year say, ‘I’m going to move to Canada’ after their candidate loses. What do you think when you hear people say that? 

Scaachi: I think it’s laziness. I understand the instinct, but I think it’s sort of lazy. I mean in terms of the comparison point between the two countries, it’s hard to compare the two. You guys are 350 million, and we’re 35 million [people], so just by scale our issues are going to seem a lot less severe. The other part of it is in your recent election, the US has elected what is quite seriously the worst possible candidate they could have elected for president. So then by comparison, everything we do [in Canada] will not seem that bad. 

I am troubled over the international fawning over Trudeau. I think for the first few months it made sense and it was fine, and now it kind of bothers me because he’s been in office for almost two years, and he hasn’t done anything. I have not seen him do anything, and I am more irritated by progressives who lie to you and lie to the base and say that they’re going to do something, and then they do nothing. That bothers me on an intellectual level and on an emotional level. It seems dangerous to dismiss what can and is happening in Canada because there are a lot of people here who are suffering, and it’s difficult to say, ‘Oh racism doesn’t exist.’ Well it’s really hard for me to listen to that when I know that there are swaths of communities – largely poor indigenous communities, poor people of color – who don’t have access to clean water in the country. If you look at what’s happening in Flint, it’s the same thing. 

In terms of moving to Canada, I get it, and certainly there are things that Canadians have that Americans don’t, and I’m very thankful for those things. I can understand people who say they need to move because they need healthcare. That’s a reasonable thing. But this idea that ‘I’m going to move to Canada and everything is going to be fine’ – I can’t tell you how many times I do events in the US, and someone comes up to me and is like, ‘So if you go to school in Canada it’s free, right?’ No it’s not free. It’s cheaper, but by that token, our schools are not considered as prestigious [laughs]. There’s this set of lies that I feel like people told themselves about how things work up here, and then people think that they’re just going to show up. I don’t get it. I feel like they’re just going to be woefully disappointed. 

Yeah, and it’s like obviously if you visit as a tourist you’re going to see or experience, a lot of times, the best parts of a country because you’re on a vacation and naturally you’ll be like, ‘Oh this place is great.’ 

Scaachi: Sure, and I mean there’s this thought that fundamentally Americans aren’t taught anything about Canada when you guys go to school. I mean you literally know nothing about us and then you become of voting age, and you think this is a bastion of socialism and I can go there and live there. I don’t know. I remember thinking that about Europe when I was younger. I thought that Europe was where you go if you want to live in a really liberal, hippie-dippy place and you can drink at sixteen, school’s covered and blah blah blah. That’s a really adorable way to think, but considering how many shootings have been happening there and the level and the tone of the racism – even just looking at what’s happened to London in the last few months – how can you continue to believe that? So I mean it just strikes me as lazy ideology. Nowhere is good. I hate to phrase it like that, but I don’t’ know where the good, safe place is. I’m really not too sure. 

Also the solution to your country being fucked up isn’t leaving. It’s not, especially when people who are often saying, ‘I’m going to move to Canada,’ they more often tend to be white, and they tend to have enough money to pick up and go. It’s never poor people of color who say I’m going to move to Canada. I’ve never seen that. It’s always these white people who have some capital and some control in changing how the world is working and changing how their country is working. After Trump won, he won in part because of white women voted for him and then there were all these white women who said they were going to move to Canada, and I was like, ‘You know what, this is kind of your fault.’ So don’t fuck it up and then pack your bags and say you’re going to come here and probably ruin the few things we have here [laughs]. It’s just sort of shirking a lot of responsibility, and it’s often the people who are responsible for those problems. 

Photo Courtesy: Barbora Simkova

I know everyone always talks about Twitter with you, but I wanted to talk to you in a different context in terms of your essay that you wrote speaking out against it. You quit the platform for a while and then you came back to it. Do you ever feel like being in media that we’ll ever go back to a point where your boss says, ‘You know what? You don’t need to be on this for me to hire you.’ Do you think that we should? I know that you edit for people too, and it’s a great way to even the playing field finding writers on social media. 

Scaachi: I think right now you can get hired without having a Twitter account if your work is good. I don’t think it’s necessary. I think in some places my Twitter account is a detriment to my hireability. I don’t think that everybody likes it, so I’m not sure if that is even necessary. I think it’s just something that people have told themselves like, ‘Oh I need to do this.’ You don’t need to do this. I get a lot of young women who come up to me at my events and they ask me, ‘How do I make my Twitter account good so I get hired?’ You don’t need to. If you’re fighting with the platform and the platform sucks – and it does suck because it doesn’t give a shit about anybody – and it doesn’t feel good to be on it and you’re not having fun and you can’t see an upside? Don’t use it. Do the work instead. Do the work quietly. I get that it’s maybe less sexy because you don’t get to count how many retweets or whatever, and that’s obviously frustrating, but if you don’t want to do it, don’t do it. 

I think right now younger people going into the industry are just born of that internet phase, and I certainly was. I was raised on social media and accessible YouTube and torrenting. I lived in that world so I’m very comfortable with it, but I don’t know if you need it. I mean my partner isn’t really using it that extensibly because it sucks [laughs]. 

Frankly, I think all of us who are using it right now are waiting for something better to show up because the company has made it so clear that they don’t care about us.

In one of your essays, you talk about your family meeting your partner. There’s the age difference and the fact that you’re in an interracial couple that made the reaction not what you guys would have preferred at first. In the context of what we’ve been talking about, did you ever feel like you had to be different in public around him or worry how people perceived you guys in a certain space?

Scaachi: I mean not particularly. I don’t think the racial aspect [was an issue]. Because we had a large age difference, there were more growing pains because I felt pretty young, and I think he felt quite old [laughs]. We didn’t spend time with my family, and that was where I would have felt like I needed to adjust my behavior. 

Your family is good now with you two? 

Scaachi: Yeah. The ending is like, ‘Yeah, everything’s okay.’ Like all things, it just took a minute, and now we’re fine, and I’m sure my parents will present some other sort of conflict for me. But everything’s okay right now. 

Earlier you mentioned your dad, and he’s a big part of your essays. We see his humor throughout the book through the email excerpts at the end of each chapter, but there are a lot of complicated layers in you guys’ relationship that you talk about. Did you feel any type of guilt complex when writing about your parents? 

Scaachi: In addition to not experiencing shame, I do not experience guilt. They are taxing and lovely people, so I feel like I have an inherent right to write about them. [My dad] is a highly emotional, easily irritated funny person, but he has sort of a set of standards – like a lot of parents – that seem impossible to meet, so that causes a lot of conflict. In the book in the initial drafts of him, he sort of came out a little cartoonish, and so we made an effort to make him an actual person and not just a cartoon. In the book, he’s presented through the lens of writing about where he grew up versus where I grew up or about the things that he wanted and then the things that I wanted that disappointed him. Between every chapter there’s an objectively insane email from him that makes no sense. Just to give you a taste. 

Is there a particular essay from the book that you’ve received the most response from readers about? Or the one that was your favorite to write that you definitely wanted the world to read? 

Scaachi: I don’t really have a favorite, and I think people respond to different chapters differently. I don’t know if I could pick one. I mean there’s only ten. I don’t know if there’s one that sort of sticks out the most. 

Is there anything you’ve read lately that you would recommend to your readers?

Scaachi: I finished Omar El Akkad’s American War, which was really good. It’s fiction, but it’s excellent. Then I actually just read an oral history of The Daily Show. It’s this massive 420-page book, and I loved it. I would imagine it’s only appealing if you really love The Daily Show, but I really loved that. I have in front of me Theft By Finding by David Sedaris, which I haven’t opened yet. Then I also read Sam Irby’s We Are Never Meeting in Real Life which is very, very funny. That one is so good. It’s nonfiction essays, and it’s so hilarious and so brutal.